#so unless u pick and choose what you want to keep you just have this horribly inconsistent character

[ariicandy]

give me little kisses from my head down to my toes

Summary : what started a small kiss to now being peppered with kisses all over your face

More — kiss don’t tell matchup @bl4cktourmaline yue!! I dearly hope I have live up to your promise of one of your characters in this idea I thought of!! I’m excited to see more of your work & get 2 know u more!!

Note — grammar errors may appear, I will edit them as this is queue being 1am finishing this

Credits to @/cafekitsune for dividers!!

After a successful performance by Lyney & Lynette’s show as watching and being picked as a “volunteer” tho we all know it’s cause Lyney will always choose you when you see his performances, which is almost all. Heading back stage to go and congratulate the twins for their hard work, you can see the 2 twins and freminet look tired while their younger sibling is trying to help them relax. “Congrats for an amazing performance lynette!! You were fantastic on the tricks you did from practice, they look so amazing on stage and was your moment!!” Clapping your hands to congratulate lynette seeing her say thank you with a small smile from the praise, you went to grab a small towel from the tables nearby to help poor freminet not be alone. But it seems you missed one person to applause and is shock at you, or maybe you aren’t & teasing him waiting for him to say something. Helping lynette under her hair a bit so her head doesn’t start hurting due to having to tighten it, giver her some water and help clean up & put away the props. A certain magician was feeling a little jealous from his sister getting his lover’s attention than their attention being to on him.

————————. Mini time skip —————————

After arriving home in your shared room with Lyney, Lyney immediately wrapped his arms around you, “[Naaaammmmeee] !!! Why didn’t you say anything when praise lynette and not me too!! ‘Oh lyney you did such an incredible job”. Giggling from how your dear Lyney couldn’t handle being ignored and not being complimented on how well he did the show, he was like a small puppy wanting attention. “Sorry it was a bit funny seeing you so shocked on not saying any to you!! You did amazing on the tricks you did!” You gave him a kiss on the cheek as a small sorry to little stunt you did on him. He immediately returned the kiss on your lips, holding your face to shock you from his sudden move. He then started to place kisses all over face, on your nose, next to your eye, cheeks, ear, and on your lips. It was hard trying to speak when his kisses kept making you giggle, “What’s gotten into you Lyney? You usually aren’t like this unless something you plan??” “It nothing! It just shows atleast I can keep you to myself anytime and give you kisses whenever I like whenever I desire!” A small blush formed on your face realizing he was right, you really can’t complain when you pepper him with love and attention all the time and he does the same with kisses & his attention on you all the time

You and Dan heng were in the Archives, relaxing while he was looking at data, seeing if he has missed anything or has recalled what the data has in store. You were a little bored and feeling like messing with your lover for a bit, nothing harmful but it gets boring sometimes when you wait for him to review something. Walking up next to him you blur out, “Dan heng, can I kiss?” And you certainly got his attention, he looks at you and peeks a kiss to your lips with a small fond smile from it. “Can I have one here?” He get a little confused by your request for kissing your cheek, received a hum, but he does not complain and kisses your cheek. “The other side too!” “If you want my attention you know you could of ask, you are my girlfriend after all.” Having to ruin the fun you just giggle and respond with, “it’s more funnier to do something than ask!” Ahh, now he sees what your trying to do, you are trying to make him kiss your face. He decides to join your small game and start kissing your face to which your shock seeing him obey what you were trying to do. Small laughter comes out of you from just attacking you with kisses and finally ends it with a couple of your lips! Your lover dan heng now is his turn to laugh from seeing your flustered face of being attacked with his kisses, your laughter and smile always makes him smile even if he doesn’t realize it shows on his face, atleast you can see yourself and believe. “Isn’t this want you were trying to grab my attention for? No?” “Well yeah! But I didn’t think you would actually do it!!” He laughs again from successfully caughting you off guard, he loves these moments with you two together. All sweet, fun laughter with one another, with each other’s love. “Come on, it’s almost time to eat let’s go get something before march comes barging in for us to eat and ruin the moment.” And he gives you one last kiss and leaves, leaving you flustered again.

Fun fact I do not know how to write about Dan heng so I hope it’s okay🙏🙏

[whyareyouhere66]

I feel like it’s been forever since a new Harry Potter fic was written, so I’m here to request(if u feel like writing it ofc<3)!

Draco Malfoy x Hufflepuff!Male!reader where reader likes to admire him from the background, but word gets out that they have a crush on him. Reader gets picked on for it because “why would Draco Malfoy of all people go for a Hufflepuff boy?”. U can choose what direction it goes in 👀 (unless you want me be more direct then I can add on to it!)

Yes! I’m here for it- hope you enjoy <3

Also, prefacing this by saying I don’t at all like Rowling or support her bullshit, this is just a cute request id like to do

CW: teasing directed towards reader, reader is like half an inch shorter than Draco (something like that, just for context) unedited (I’ll do it soon I promise) and makeout scene (spoilersssss uh oh)

x

Sound booms across the length of the long walls, the bustling Great Hall full of kids across grades eating their meals. Chicken, mashed potatoes, loafs spread out in baskets, it’s like a thanksgiving meal.

The sun, high in the sky, shines through the tall windows and creates a natural light to outshine the various floating candles. Down at one of the various tables, the Hufflepuff children sit at the wooden table and talk.

“I don’t think he understood the assignment, either.”

“He’s the one who wrote it!”

“Exactly the issue-“

Y/n, accompanied by F/n, sits across from another group at the decorated table. A yellow and black scarf sits loosely around his s/c shoulders, a few rings wrapped around his fingers. He takes another bite from his plate, listening to F/n and another student bicker quietly- the slightest pull of a smile rising on his lips. 

“You guys still talking about Snape?” He asks, eyeing the two. They both nod.

“He’s so grumpy all the time, Y/n,” F/n complains, jutting his chin towards the stone faced man across the room. Y/n chuckles and shakes his head.

“Snape always knows what he’s doing.” He says, planning to check out of the conversation when words of disagreement are thrown his way. 

Y/n moves to keep watching his friends- but his eyes flicker.

Out of the corner of his eye, he sees the platinum blonde hair his eyes always seem to catch. And suddenly, his friends’ words are but mush against his ears.

Draco sits at the Slytherin table, green banners hanging above his head just like the yellow ones above Y/n’s. 

He has a normal scowl, that would dull anyone else’s face if it weren’t his. As his friends continue to talk, though, his eyebrow lifts and a smooth smirk almost replaces it.

And oh, how pretty his lips are.

Y/n wishes he could hide the thoughts as they ring in his head, wishing his small smile wasn’t such a giveaway.

“Y/n? Did we lose you again?” The girl across the table asks, bangs falling into her face. Grace, is her name. 

“Yeah, you look distracted.” F/n snickers, nudging Y/n’s elbow because unlike the others, he knows exactly where his best friend’s gaze is lingering. 

Blood rushes to Y/n’s face, realizing how obvious he had been just now. 

“I’m fine.” He insists, elbowing F/n right back. The others shrug it off, not noticing how one last glance is shot towards Draco.

Lunch is closer to wrapping up when Y/n notices the time- 1:48. 

“Oh, wait-“ he looks over at F/n. “Man, we gotta go-“  

At this, the boy looks at the time and nods. They both grab their things, wishing goodbye to their friends- Ms. McGonagall would be expecting a finished project in the next hour. 

They weave through the students crowded  around tables, holding their bags close to their hips to take less room. Getting out early gets them more time, though their project was nearly done anyways Ms. McGonagall really talked this one up. 

Stepping out through the giant wooden doors, Y/n breathes out.

“Alright, you have the-“ his words are cut short when someone steps into his path. 

Looking up, he finds 3 people standing in front of him, having bumped into the first one. They’re all from Slytherin. 

“Sorry, didn’t see you.” He tries to step around them, but the boy in front recognizes him and suddenly seems very interested.

“Wait a minute,” he steps in front of Y/n again, “Y/n.” His name on this strange boy’s tongue doesn’t sound like a question, honestly it feels threatening. Y/n furrows his eyebrows, and steps back.

“Uh, yeah?” There’s an intimidating look in the Slytherin boy’s eye- one that not even his friends know the reason for. They, as well as F/n, watch curiously.

“Aren’t you that Hufflepuff that has a crush on Malfoy?”

What.

Y/n’s heart stops, his eyes widen. Who is this kid? 

“Huh?”

“Oh don’t think I haven’t seen anything,” confidence seems to build in the boys voice, the look on Y/n’s face coming as confirmation for his words. “You’re always making puppy eyes at him- oh, I so knew it!” 

The excitement in this boy’s voice is strange- was he betting on this? Does he not realize how creepy that feels?

“Wait, slow down,” one of the Slytherin’s step forward, wrapping her head around the news, “you like Malfoy? Really?”

Y/n doesn’t like the tone of her voice.

“A Hufflepuff? Liking Malfoy?” She scoffs, “oh please.”

Y/n feels too exposed, like he’s suddenly being poked and prodded from under a microscope. 

How had they found out? 

Who else knows? 

He looks at F/n, eyes screaming for help. Another minute here, when kids could walk around the corner at any moment, hear his secret slowly leaking from the safety of his own self, and he might explode.

“You guys are on something strong, aren’t you?” F/n swoops in, trying to play it off and Y/n makes a mental note to remind the boy how grateful he is for him in a moment.

“Quit projecting, will you? Pathetic, really.” F/n says, though avoids any eye contact with the three. He shoves Y/n’s shoulder, who stumbles, and leads him away as quickly as possible. 

By the time they get to the library, Y/n’s head is already swimming, mainly from embarrassment. 

He never wanted anyone to know- he still doesn’t want that. This little “crush” was supposed to stay between him and F/n, for that was the only person he ever trusted to carry it. 

But now? With some smug Slytherin boy walking around with his feelings cupped in the palm of his hand? Y/n’s lost his safety rail. Now, his feelings are vulnerable, ready to be spilled to Draco at any second. 

Two hands hold his shoulders firmly, he recognizes them as F/n’s. No surprise, considering there’s barely any one else in the library right now. Y/n’s eyes dart to meet his.

“Hey, you alright?” He asks, and it takes an extra moment for the e/c eyed boy to come up with an answer.

“I think so.” He says, nodding. F/n copies the gesture.

“Good, that’s good. I’m sure not that many people know, ok?” He reassures Y/n, who’s grateful for the words as they bring back some stability. 

“Right.” 

Now that he’s out of that boys uncomfortable gaze, he doesn’t feel as panicked as he did before. More so, unsettled. 

“Right, yeah, uh- let’s get back to the project.” With the nod of his head, and one last look, F/n is agreeing. The two boys sit down at one of the many tables, between two tall bookshelves. 

‘Maybe it’s ok,’ Y/n thinks to himself, ‘not that many people know.’

**

You realize now, that you spoke too soon.

The next day comes, and you’re now standing in the bathroom wasting away time that’s supposed to be spent in Snape’s potions class. It’s empty, aside from you of course, nothing but the sound of a running faucet. 

It’s so quiet that when the door creaks open, people stepping inside, your head snaps to the side, startled. 

It’s two boys, both from Gryffindor, named Avery and Jaxon and you immediately recognize them from a few classes. You turn back to the sink. 

Neither of them look at you, instead disappearing into two of the stalls. 

By the time they’re both out of the stalls, you’re washing the final suds from your hands. From the mirror, you see their faces change, realizing who you are. 

The air becomes unnecessarily tense, you’re unsure why, both of the boys are trying to pretend otherwise. 

Avery and Jax glance at each other, walking to the sinks. And it’s not until Avery decides to speak, that the silence is again broken.

“Hey, um-“ you look at him, “I hope you don’t mind me asking this, but…” he looks hesitant to speak, like what he say might come off as offensive, something sensitive. Your curiosity only grows. 

“Is it true, that you and Draco are dating?”

You nearly choke.

“What?” You asks, hating that this is the 2nd time Draco has been brought up to you. 

“I mean, I heard that-“ Avery seems to notice the growing worry plastered on your face- it’s spreading. Your secret is spreading.

“Oh,” Avery begins to realize, “sorry, Y/n, that was a bit invasive.” His tone is calm, only slightly uncomfortable. Pretty much the opposite to you- itching to drop the conversation. But, you keep a calm face, shoving the gross feelings down. 

“No it’s fine, um, why?” You can only hope your voice doesn’t give everything away. 

“Oh, I just thought I heard a couple Slytherin kids talking about it.” Again, his voice feels too nonchalant. “Guess I was wrong.”

“Oh.” The slightest shake. Unlike Avery, though, Jax still seems interested.

“Wait- do you like him though?” This results in an elbow to rib, and Avery looks at him like a mother scolding their child.

“Ow!-“ Jax grunts, glaring yet ignoring the hint, “I’m just asking. You know about the Slytherins and Huffs’.” 

“They just…” his eyes dart right back to yours, “they just don’t go together, man.” You hate the way he says it- hate how it feels like you’re being scolded, looked down on. Looking down at the yellow and black robes draped across your shoulder, you avoid Jaxon’s gaze. 

Which, in hindsight, gives enough of an answer.

The two Gryffindors shuffle out of the bathroom, and immediately you let out a groan. 

You’re fucked. 

Hands run down your face in exasperation- this wasn’t supposed to get out. Draco probably knows now, people think that you’re dating. 

The unusually large bathroom echoes mumbled curses back to you, silence so eery it feels haunting. You feel yourself  beginning to doubt if you should even return to potions class- knowing Draco is sitting at the desk a few feet from yours. 

“They just don’t go together, man…”

“A Hufflepuff? Liking Malfoy? Oh, please…”

Another sigh.

You feel your fingers pressing into your eyelids, passing over your temples and the wrinkles above your nose.

‘He’s gonna hate me’

Such a childish thought, but once it appeared you felt a sickening feeling in your chest because how you wish he doesn’t. 

Outside, footsteps echo in the hallway. 

And Draco himself, walks down the corridor towards the boy’s bathroom, taking his time with the silence. It’s a much better option, compared to Snape’s incessant grumbling. 

He’s been trying to think the whole day- but is only now getting the chance thanks to that little posse of his.

For hours now, whenever given the chance, his mind drifts back to the conversations from early this morning at breakfast.

“Have you heard?” Pansy leans over the table, one eyebrow raised as if she’s careful of listening ears. Though, to that she doesn’t spare a second thought.

Blaise narrows his eyes, looking at her curiously. “Heard what?” He asks, and Draco impatiently looks at her.

“What now.” The blonde already doesn’t care, Pansy always seems to find some sort of gossip across houses. But this time, she’s sending a smirk right his way.

“Some little Hufflepuff has a crush on you.”

Now, to this, Draco does perk up- and his eyes flicker in your direction for only a moment. But, he doesn’t allow himself to acknowledge it. 

“Mhm.” Pansy sounds so smug in her words, satisfied as both boys lean closer to her.

“Who?” Blaise asked, the roughness behind his voice covering any curiosity. 

“Y/n L/n.”

Draco looks bewildered for a second- you?  He never thought it was actually you, that was only a spark of hope in a moment of weakness. He was prepared to hear the name of some random girl he hadn’t learned the name of before- but the familiar ring of your name brought satisfaction to follow the shock.

He doesn’t even try to hide the smirk that shows through. Beside him, Blaise scoffs.

“You’re joking”. He says, and Draco shoots him a glare.

“What? It’s no surprise,” he says cockily, “jealousy’s never a good look”. The meaningless comeback earns a glare and an eye roll from Blaise- and surprises Pansy. 

“Draco,” she narrows her eyes, “do you like this? Him?” She gives him a once-over, checking to see if he’s serious. He is.

Draco doesn’t give a straight answer, though, instead scoffing and going back to his plate. 

“Get a life, why don’t you. Your gossip is boring me.” He says- but there’s the slightest pull at his lips, smiling your way.

Draco pushes open the large door, stepping inside the bathroom and immediately- his eyes land on you.

“Y/n?” 

Your head snaps up, and a new feeling sinks into your stomach when you see him. You can’t tell if you wish it was someone else, or if this is perhaps what you were hoping for.

“Uh, hey.”

Draco steps closer, and you can see some sort of glint in his eyes, and you can’t quite name the warm yet uneasy feeling that follows.

“Skipping Snape’s class now, are we?” He teases in a smug voice, and your blood aches in your cheeks. 

“Just taking a break-“ you don’t look at him, using a towel to wipe off your hands. You simply want to play it cool in front of him, though you’re unsure considering the past two times you seem to have failed.

“A break, hmm? I’m sure.” He says sarcastically.

Instead of picking a stall, like you expected, you watch from the corner of your eye as he approaches you and leans on one of the sinks.

“So,” 

You freeze. 

‘Don’t say it..’

“There seems to be a bit of a rumor spreading around.” 

You visibly wince, the moment you prayed would never come has arrived. He found out- and just like the others, he knows that he could never accept a silly school crush from your house.

Turned away, you’re unable to see the smirk on his face- but you can hear it in his voice.

“Draco…” you mumble, feeling the dread of what his response is going to be. He’s closer now, you feel it- and suddenly his figure is right beside you. 

“Y’know, if you wanted a date so badly you could’ve asked.”

You pause.

What?

His voice is new, because while there’s still such a teasing tone buried in the words, you notice…hope, as well.

You look at him, and notice his eyes have softened. 

“What?”

“You heard me,” he says, “no need to have waited so long.” He still sounds partially like he’s joking, but his fingers are creeping closer to yours by the sink’s ledge.

The pieces are starting to connect in your head- he hasn’t pushed you away, hasn’t called you any names. In fact- he’s the one getting so close.

Draco watches, examining your face. He’s starting to feel impatient, actually, feeling he’s been clear enough. He doesn’t seem to understand how confusing his words can be- how your beating heart is twisting and unraveling in your chest. He’s too preoccupied with his own churning heart.

“What’re you saying?” You finally ask, and he nearly scoffs.

“Hell, you’re real thick in the head aren’t you?”

He doesn’t even try stopping himself as his hands cup your face, and his lips are molding right into yours.

He’s so quick with it, like he’s been waiting years for this, yet so smooth at the same time. You can feel your eyes as they shoot open, only to hazily fall half closed a moment later. 

His arms loop around your waist, so you were almost bent into his body. You have to take a cautionary step back just to stable yourself, one hand holding his neck, it almost takes you too long to realize he is kissing you. 

‘Holy shit, holy shit holy shit holy shit-‘ your mind races, and it feels like only half of it is functioning. Part of you is swimming, the other half melting into his arms because oh how long have you been waiting to feel him so close. 

He’s smirking into the kiss now, breaking it into quicker, shorter kisses that mesh together to make one, long breathless one. Through the haze of his lips, your hand creeps into his hair and he wonders why he waited so long to experience this.

You tug slightly, other hand grabbing his jaw, and you pull him away.

The room is no longer silent, both of you  catching your breath.

“I’ll take that as your confession, then?” You ask.

“‘Course,” he replies, “meet again after Potions?”

“Sounds good.”

[I hope you all enjoyed- I feel there’s probably more I could’ve added or something, but for now this is good. If anyone wants an add on or more or like a part two let me know!]

[zzoguri]

finger trapped (ripped to its seams) ➵ sung hanbin

sung hanbin x reader

with an unexpected reunion, you and hanbin relive the memories of cheonan—and confront what could’ve been between you two.

general genre/warnings ➵ friends to almost lovers, angst, fluff, gender neutral reader, some depressive and insecure thoughts, hurt/comfort, the last five years story-telling method (aka present will be told going backwards while past will be told moving forward... i hope that makes sense), brief mention of blood from picking on your skin, tiger parents so... parental issues, unexpected reunion, keeping secrets & lying, jealousy remains but love triumphs, journalist reader (u kno i had to do it), reader is a nerd and hanbin is a student-athlete, kms jokes from jongseob (all /lh), finger traps aren’t efficient after all

word count ➵ 15.6k words

playlist ➵ end of beginning by djo // high school in jakarta by niki // i know it won't work by gracie abrams // no big deal (i love you) by dodie // keeping tabs by niki // no one knows by stephen sanchez & laufey // so what now by reneé rapp // i wish i hated you by ariana grande // the 1 by taylor swift // seasons by wave to earth

a/n ➵ it's finally out! this work is so so personal to me on so many levels so i hope you all love and treat this fic with care :')) for the bitches who struggle with parents and dreams.... this one's for you (i am in the same boat) i appreciate everyone who's been so patient and looking forward to this fic's release. please do reblog and leave feedback!!

want to be part of my taglist? send me an ask! masterlist

present -> three weeks after the interview, 2024

the newsroom never sleeps. the rings of landlines and clacks of keyboards bounce off the four walls. through light bulbs or sunshine, light continues to remain. and at every corner, a journalist stands—ready to enter the depths of slumber but remain on their toes as they await for an update on their unraveling story.

but the newsroom is rarely busy unless there’s a major nationwide event, election season or the super bowl to name a few, for most journalists are out to discover what the world has to offer.

knowledge doesn’t only come from the chitchat of your coworkers. it’s only on the field that you’ll hear of hearsay and testimonies. after all, the choice to probe rests on your shoulders.

“there’s a typo over there.”

“huh? where?”

“over here,” you mumble as your finger darts to point at a section on the screen. “it’s supposed to say “with the climactic finale of boys planet,” not climatic.”

“ah, i see it now. sorry about that,” lee jihoon of digital development says as he corrects the error. his hair is disheveled from the hood that once perched on his head during the night he spent in the newsroom. you would’ve scolded the guy—go home and take a shower before you stink up the place—but you are no better, grouped with the other journalists who stayed up in the office.

“there we go. should be all good. now, are you ready to go through the profiles?”

an exhausted chuckle departs from your lips. “yeah, let’s go—”

“what’s the update?” life and arts editor kim namjoon—your editor—comes to you with a smile.

the grey hoodie he wears paired with comfortable jeans shows that he’s a little relaxed. for once, you don’t see him on his phone, battling the deadlines or getting pitched stories by the other editors. it’s a nice sight but one that won’t last for long.  

“we just finished going through the article about the group, so we still have yet to go through the profiles.” jihoon then looks at you. “i can’t believe you basically wrote 10 articles. like, nine profiles and one main article is a lot. you didn’t want to work on it with anyone else?”

once namjoon stands beside you, you bump your shoulder against his figure. “i didn’t have a choice, did i?” it’s a rhetorical question but one your editor still chooses to answer.

“unfortunately, we’re understaffed, but it seemed like you got the hang of it. i wouldn’t have trusted anyone else to do it.” namjoon shoots you a smile before redirecting his attention back to jihoon. “and as much as i’d love to tell y/n more, we have to pick up the pace.” without any further questions, the three of you resume with work. 

there’s no time to waste in the journalism industry. still, his praise doesn’t go unnoticed. 

one article turned into eight done in a matter of 30 minutes, all with the help of three pairs of eyes to go through them. (namjoon seemed to carry the heavy lifting. after all, the guy was trained to be quick in reading and spotting errors.)

it should’ve been easy to keep up with your editor for all the other articles; you know each profile like the back of your hand.

then, the face of a boy who you once knew sits on the screen.

his gaze seems to pierce through your soul, almost in the same way you last talked to him. the loose ends of composure slip through your fingers; your breath’s stuck in your throat as the hammering of your heart fills your ears. yet, he stands still on the monitor.

as your eyes drift through the passages you’ve written, every sound is drowned out. the voice of your editor fades like the everchanging seasons and the clicks of the keyboard resemble the sobs you let out in the comfort of your childhood room.

and suddenly, the hands of the clock have turned all the way back to 2017. the cubicles transformed into aisles of chips and instant ramen, and you hear mr. kim’s voice in the distance—i have some hotteok! fresh from the pan! but amidst it all, you hear the giggles of the boy, your best friend, as he rushes towards you—i’ll go audition and make you proud. as your arm is wrapped with the heat of his fingers, you almost believe that your life as a journalist is nothing but a dream—

“i knew him.” the illusion disappears within a blink of an eye. namjoon’s eyes snap towards you and jihoon stops scrolling through the website. “we went to the same high school.”

you aren’t sure why you revealed that to your coworkers, let alone your boss. it’s an old memory—your weight to carry. before you can apologize for disrupting their work, namjoon’s hand rests on your shoulder, his thumb drawing shapes into it. when you look over at him, you’re greeted by his smile. it resembles your bed after a long day of work or a slow day at the newsroom.

but it never lives up to him, whose giggles resemble nature’s symphonies. the two shots of espresso you need at the start of the day once came in the form of his warm embrace. most of all, his smile is enough to illuminate the world even through the strongest storms and times when power went out.

for the remaining articles, not a single word leaves you. before you know it, all 10 articles were ready to go up on the web.

“that’s all of it. should i still schedule them to go up around 12 p.m.?” jihoon notes as he saves the drafts.

“yeah, 12 p.m. still sounds good. thanks a lot.” namjoon nudges his shoulder before looking over to you. “let’s talk in my office.”

you don’t question his orders. once namjoon takes off, you follow him all the way to his office. as he swings the door open, you are met with the familiar sight of his workspace. hues of green and brown mix, where nature and art meet within the space of corporate.

once namjoon takes a seat on his chair, you find your spot across from him. his eyes stare off to the window. for a moment, you’re not sure what to expect from this impromptu meeting.

seconds pass and not a single word has been said—

“this place’s always alive,” your editor breaks the silence. “don’t you think so?”

you follow his line of sight. busy seoul never changes; the skyscrapers pollute the sky and the people never sleep, off to work or off to party.

“where’d you grow up again?”

you look back at namjoon whose eyes still remain locked on the city. “cheonan.”

he hums. “i haven’t been there. nice place?”

“yeah, but i haven’t gone back in a while.”

“when was the last time?” his eyes finally meet yours.

your teeth grasp the inside of your cheek. “2017, since i first left,” you admit. 

“do you miss it?”

you’re not sure how to answer. the pavements you’ve scraped your knees against and the walls your laughs bounced off of—do you miss them all? or is the reason behind your laughter and scabs the one you long for?

“is that why you were hesitant about interviewing them?” namjoon’s thumbs fiddle with each other. “because of your history with him?”

now, you stare at your linked hands. maybe the silence from you is enough to answer his question but you know namjoon would never settle for a soundless answer.

“i—i’m not a good person. and even if i didn’t make the choice to leave, i—” you hold yourself back. your fingers start to pick on the skin around your thumbs, peeling it so blood can spill. 

“it’s okay, i understand. you don’t have to share it with me.” your eyes drift back to namjoon, spotting a small smile that rests on his face. “it must’ve been hard to relive it all.”

the bond you have with namjoon is one that you hold close to your heart. through his mentorship, you got to learn about what it means to be a writer. the fears of being a journalist would loom over you, where questions of salary and demanding work hours would occupy your mind, but namjoon became someone who would absolve them all. he became a pillar in your life, one that provides you hope and comfort within the industry.

“so, don’t feel pressured to talk about it. but if you ever want to open up about it, then i’ll be here.”

namjoon’s giving you an exit. are you willing to take it?

you cross your arms as you lean back into the chair. “you know how i was a science major then?”

“yeah, i remember looking over your resume. and then i saw that you were part of your university’s publication.”

your tongue pushes against the inside of your cheek. “i would’ve gotten some job in that field, like, i had it lined up for me.”

“really? like lab coat and all?”

as namjoon attempts to hold back his laugh over the image, you chuckle along. “yeah, lab coat and all! it’s crazy how my life was all set for that field, but i’m here now.” you look down at your arms. “i think just facing him in a completely different field that i once used to imagine with him was just strange. but i think hearing his answers really did it for me.”

namjoon nods at your words. “care to have lunch with me?” your eyes snap back to your editor. “i’m guessing you want to talk about it, after all.”

all you do is smile before getting off your seat.

spring of 2017

the season of spring has graced cheonan; the sun gleams in the expanse of blue and birds perched on tree branches sing their songs. it’s the perfect season to embrace the wonders of the town.

while it would be a delight to bask under the returning warmth, you’re stuck within the walls of the classroom, head resting on crossed arms. 

still, the lilacs have yet to bloom.

“y/n.” you quickly sit up before your eyes settle on your adviser, ms. jeon, who stands in front of the classroom. “let’s take attendance.”

with that, you’re beside her as you call out each name on the class list. it’s a quick process of saying your classmates’ names for them to respond in variations of “present,” until you reach the section of last names that start with a ‘s’.

“sung hanbin.” no response.

you rip your eyes off the piece of paper, only met with your classmates who either look at each other in confusion or spaced out in their own worlds.

“sung hanbin?” when you’re met with the same reaction, you’re ready to mark the student absent—

“sorry!” the doors slam open. a boy clad in a white polo and jogging pants is panting by the entrance, covered in sweat as he rests on the edge of it. “sorry, i’m late.”

“oh, it’s okay! you arrived just in time.” ms. jeon smiles at the tardy student. as you watch him take a seat, his eyes lock with yours, but your adviser nudges you before saying, “y/n, proceed.”  

sung hanbin made his name a few years back at a competition. the applause and roars from the crowd marked his spot in the school. others describe his movement as of cranes, standing in the middle of a pond as they do their best to minimize forming any ripples, or of elephants, swaying their trunks with control like no other.

but he’s a versatile dancer; nothing can truly capture him.

once you’ve finished marking the attendance, you go back to your seat. you’re ready to start the day with no bother but you can’t shake the feeling of being watched.

“now, you can see in these,” your art teacher, ms. park, points to the screen showcasing works from her favorite contemporary artists like kwon yongju and félix gonzález-torres, “that there are no borders to what constitutes art. and that’s not wrong because we have to recognize that art comes in different forms as we progress, from traditional painting and sculptures to digital ones.”

this field isn't your strong suit. with a greater understanding of the sciences, you struggle to create anything that could be on par with the works of any artist. yet, you enjoyed learning about every piece that your teacher shared, like unfolding and admiring something you know you can never replicate or create. still, the universe decides that they have other plans for you.

“as i mentioned before, i’ll be giving you time to work on your final assessment, which is to create an artwork for the class exhibit. for this deliverable, i’m asking that your work will be a collaborative one, meaning you aren’t working alone.” in a sea of chatter, some groans exit your classmates. “remember, inspiration doesn’t come from your own bubble! take this as your opportunity to create something that you’ve never imagined.”

within a split second, students are off their seats as they attempt to find a partner to work with. you, however, were struggling to think of who you could team up with. admittedly, you have a very different work style compared to others—even lee soojin, aspiring valedictorian, didn’t enjoy working with you. she turned every activity into a competition against you. (you didn’t enjoy her, either.) while you’re considering shamefully going up to your classmates like a stray dog looking for anyone willing to care for them—

“hi!” in front of you stands the tardy student of today, all smiles as his hands find comfort in the pockets of his jogging pants. “do you have a partner already?”

with furrowed eyebrows, you can’t help but look him up and down. “no, why?”

“well,” hanbin looks around the classroom, “everyone seems to have paired up except for us.” as his eyes drift back to you, he flashes you a smile, one that shows the whiskers engraved into his cheeks. “which leaves me to ask if you would like to work with me for this.”

you don’t have a choice. ms. park would never bend the rules for you. if anything, she would find a way to pair you with another student who would dread the idea of working with you. (“i’m sure they won’t mind being partners with you, right?” is what she would ask the poor student, only to be met with their retreat.)

“unless we accept a failing mark, which i’m sure we both don’t want.” it’s not like hanbin had a choice as well.

“okay.” with one word, light fills his eyes, enough to resemble the starlight that grazes your skin every night. “we can meet and discuss our schedules, especially because i’ve got ap stat, and you have, uhm,” a cough leaves you, “training, i’m assuming, or rehearsals. i don’t really know what you call them.”

his eyebrows shoot up as his mouth parts open. “o—oh, yeah. i usually have training after class until 8 p.m. on tuesdays, thursdays, and saturdays.”

“same. my classes are until 7 p.m. on tuesdays and thursdays, so maybe we can use the other days to work together?”

with one nod from him, his dimples reappear. “great! i’ll see you tomorrow.”

before you know it, everyone finds their way back to their seats for ms. park’s final reminders. you do your best to pay attention to every announcement, jotting down every word on your planner and planning out your agenda for the upcoming weeks. yet, your eyes seem to have a mind of their own as they drift back to the boy who discreetly passes notes to choi jiung, another dancer on the team, all while listening to the teacher.

you don’t notice how long you spend staring at hanbin until he turns to meet your gaze. in that split second, you look at each other—then, embarrassment washes over you. you shift your attention back to ms. park. as you drum your fingers against the desk, mentally kicking yourself over the interaction, you still can’t shake the feeling of being watched.

you look back at hanbin; he’s still looking at you.

his dimples make their reappearance before he looks back at ms. park. you do the same as you attempt to listen to her ramble about banksy’s works. 

(you’re still thinking about his whiskers.)

the first time you get to meet with hanbin for the project happens the following week. you two had different commitments to attend to, whether it be other projects or training. and while you would usually settle to meet in the school library or a cafe nearby, you find yourself inside the empty gymnasium, sitting on bleachers while your partner stands in front of mirrors.

“don’t you think it would be nice to combine our hobbies together?”

your pencil taps against the notebook. “like, your dancing? with what?”

“whatever you like to do!” once he makes his way to you, he leans on the row in front of you with crossed arms. “i mean, do you have anything you like to do during your free time?”

a scoff leaves you. “funny of you to assume that i have free time.”

“what’s your schedule like?”

“well, i have our classes and ap ones, then kumon at night.”

hanbin reels at the thought of your schedule. “that’s brutal. the last time i had kumon was back in grade 4.”

“yeah, but i’m sure yours is busy as well. the amount of time that you put into training is…” his eyes are wide, hanging on your words. it’s the hope they hold that has you say, “admirable.”

a shy smile takes over his features. “yeah, but it’s only because my family is supportive of what i do.”

then, limbs whose color resembles the void slither their way to your heart, wrapping around it while the organ struggles to beat; it’s a slow process but an unending hole that will birth from it. yet, you do your best to fight off these limbs, unraveling them one by one in hopes it will give up—until you settle for shaking them off.

you only muster out a hum.

“do you have anything you like to do during those short breaks?”

your lips trill. “i don’t know. watch something on youtube?”

his cheeks puff up, stuck in his thoughts as he tries to navigate this project—and you—until his eyes glint. “what do you do when you want to vent?”

“you sure have a lot of questions,” you comment, trying to hold back a chuckle at his curiosity. “i can just adjust to you. maybe attempt to draw, picture, or even film you.”

his eyebrows furrow. “but that wouldn’t make it collaborative. i want us to work on something that aligns with what we do.”

a beat passes.

he holds your gaze. “i want us to create something that shows us.”

inside you, a gong is struck; its sound reverberates throughout your body, from the crown of your forehead to the tips of your toes. then, silence seeps in—a moment only for you and him.

“i, uh, write,” you whisper as your eyes shift to the notebook resting on your lap.

“really? like, stories and poetry?”

you nod. “i like writing people’s stories more, but i do like making ones.” when you look back at hanbin, his eyes are still filled with curiosity. “i would, like, find interviews online and try to make my own, sort of, uhm—god this is embarrassing. forget about it.”

“huh? no, it isn’t!” he attempts to reassure your shrunken figure. “i mean, you don’t have to share more if you really don’t want to, but i’d like to hear more about it.” and when his dimples appear, you almost can’t help but feel your face warm up.

“i’d make articles, i guess?” he nods along with your words. “i don’t know, it’s just interesting to hear about people’s lives and kind of create something out of it, and i like thinking about all the possibilities of who would love to hear them. like, don’t you think that some of the stories that we read hold fragments of someone?”

“that’s an interesting way to look at it.”

as you doodle on your notebook, you say, “yeah, it’s just fun to hear these stories and maybe create something out of it. or even think of stories that i could never live out, you know?” you expect yourself to be met with the bored face of hanbin but his eyes remain on you.

“what if you interview me?”

your eyebrows shoot up. “you?”

“yeah,” he stands up before walking up to your row, finding a spot beside you. “think of me as your first interviewee if you want.”

the sudden suggestion has you stumbling over your words. “huh? b—but, i don’t have questions prepared. and how does this help our project?” 

when his arms brush against yours, you start to become aware of the distance between your shoulders—and his face from yours. warmth spreads throughout your body, almost like you’re about to have a fever. once his open hand rests near yours, you don’t know what he’s asking.

“let me draw it out for you.” you hand him your pencil and notebook, allowing him to see your doodles. (you don’t miss his grin.) “you know, with that article you make, we can cut it up and create something out of it.” a roughly drawn sketch of a boy posed in the middle of a dance move now rests on the page. “i don’t know if a collage would be okay.”

as you think about what can be done, you perch your chin on your palm. “we can do papercut art? basically, it’s cutting up the article in a way to form an image.”

“oh, that sounds cool!”

“yeah, but the only challenge is that we can only use one piece of paper.” a sigh leaves you. “it would be impossible for me to even do that.”

“that’s why you have me.” his small smile causes wind chimes to ring. (you’re positive you heard them, even if there were no such things in the gymnasium.)

he continues to sketch out the layout of your joint artwork. “how do we feel about this?” on the paper, there are two boxes beside the figure, where one is labeled as “photo of me” while the other is labeled “an article by y/n.” your head tilts. “it’ll be a three-set piece. so, it’ll be a photo of me and your article, and in between is the papercut art that we’ll make.”

you hum. “you know, you’re very creative.” you look at him only to see that he’s been staring at you. “like, you’re inclined to the arts. i wouldn’t have been able to think of something like this.”

“you’re just as creative,” he argues back as he writes down something.

you shake your head before retorting, “hanbin, you’re very talented. i’ve seen the way you dance,” his movements halt, “and you’re like no other dancer i’ve seen. if you ever try out to be an idol, i’m sure you’d do great, maybe end up on the list of the best dancers in the industry.”

but he shakes his head, going back to writing on your notebook and shutting down your compliments. you decide to not push.

“i can get the photo sometime during my training,” he says as he hands you your notebook.

“then i can have the questions sometime this week. for the article, i can have it done maybe four days after the interview. how does wednesday, after school, sound for the interview?”

he shoots you a smile before standing up from his seat. “that’s perfect! i’m looking forward to meeting journalist y/n.” you can’t help but scoff at what he calls you. “what’s wrong?”

“nothing,” you shake your head. “it’s just a silly name.” because the reality is that you had your future planned out—and it definitely didn’t involve that field.

he shrugs. “i don’t know, i think it would fit you.”

“but you haven’t read any of my works.”

“but i want to root for you in the same way you do for me. i don’t want you to feel ashamed of your works.” a fire ignites in your heart; it’s a fireplace.

you’re baffled that hanbin, out of all people, now holds your secret, but you’re even astounded over the idea of him supporting you. you almost can’t remember the last time you heard such words of support. is it genuine or nothing but a facade?

“anyway, i’ve got to go. i need to catch up on some homework.” while you shoot him a nod, his dimples make their appearance once more. “i’ll see you tomorrow!” as he takes off, you’re left in the gymnasium with your opened notebook and unlocked heart. you look back down at his sketch surrounded by your doodles, but you don’t miss his little note—cute doodles btw <3

the season of spring has unfolded in cheonan; a single lilac has bloomed.

present -> a day before the interview, 2024

it’s a late night on a tuesday, about to be a midnight wednesday, and you’re in a convenience store as you scout for your dinner. all hauled up in the newsroom, the idea of ordering food during a time where restaurants would still be open slipped your mind. now, you’re left to scan through the same options you’ve eaten for the past years since you started living in seoul.

the convenience clerks are familiar with you, both kim jongseob and kim jiwoo. with your constant late-night meals at the store, you’d talk to whichever one had a shift. jongseob is saving up to upgrade his setup at home to record more music. with all the stories he shares about his time in underground rap battles along with the short verses he’s performed for you, you’re positive that he’ll get signed to a label soon. as for jiwoo, this is one of the many jobs she has in order to save enough money for fashion school. you’ve seen her sketches and outfits she’s put together and you’re hoping that she’ll get accepted.

a sigh leaves you. you didn’t have a problem with eating the food here but you were craving for something new in your life in seoul. the perpetual cycle of eating takeout food and unconsciously skipping meals for work needed to be disrupted just for a moment. but you weren’t seeking michelin-star food—all you wanted was something home cooked. something from home.

the spice of tteokbokki, the burn of freshly fried hotteok, and the sweetness of homemade peach iced tea—mr. kim’s convenience store had it all.

your tastebuds long for cheonan.

“planning to beat your record of spending 23 minutes on deciding what to get?”

you roll your eyes before looking to your right, seeing jongseob stock up the drinks in the fridge. “i hate you.”

“what? i’m just saying, you’re taking a lot longer to decide today.” he chuckles before placing the last bottle of sweetened probiotic milk in the fridge. “none of the options look good to you?”

“sort of,” you hum before you scan through the aisle of packaged meals. “i think i’m craving for something different.”

“i get it. the food here can get boring, which is why i’m planning to order pizza if you want to split the costs.”

your eyebrows shoot up at jongseob’s suggestion. “really? you’d share pizza with me?”

“yeah, as long as you pay for your share.” he shoots you a smile before grabbing on a trolley carrying empty boxes. “unless… you want to pay for the whole thing.”

you bite back a smile as you shake your head. you should’ve known the guy would ask you to buy him food, but you knew that he needed the money and you at least had a stable income to keep you comfortable. “fine,” jongseob’s smile grows as you fish out your wallet from your pocket and pull out a couple of bills. “just order enough for us two.” 

“of course,” he says as soon as you hand him some money. “i’ll make sure to order the most expensive thing on the menu.”

you scoff at his joke. “just make sure to treat me to something.”

the bell by the door chimes. “sorry, can’t hear you over that! need to attend to a customer!” jongseob dashes away from you while dragging the trolley. that little shit just knew how to press your buttons, but you love the kid, anyway.

still, you stand in the middle of the mart and your heart longs for home.

then, you shut your eyes, and you’re transported back in front of the familiar aisle filled with bags of potato chips and sweet corn. the noisy fan along with the soft sounds of mr. kim’s korean drama fills your ears. a mix of yellow and orange hues paint every corner of the mart, including you—and you’re not alone.

your best friend stands on your right, wearing the unbuttoned school uniform polo over a tank top along with jogging pants. he’s lost in thought as he scans through the options of snacks you two can have for today’s afternoon. he starts to giggle to himself, probably from a silly thought he’ll share with you in the next second or a memory involving you, and his whiskers appear—your heart thumps in your ears.

and just like how quickly you were transported back to cheonan, your surroundings transformed into the cool-lit convenience store found in seoul. all you have left is the image of him bathed in the sunlight.

but he fades away like the ink on old receipts, never gone, because the glowing image of him warps into a different version who stands next to you in the cold mart. he’s grown a few inches taller and his hair doesn’t get in the way of his line of sight. while he wears a green sweater, you notice that he’s gained some muscles. his eyes scan through the aisle behind you filled with different brands of instant ramen.

but he bites the inside of his cheek and his dimples appear.

it’s a tornado that brews within you, enough to uproot trees and displace buildings, all because of an unexpected reunion with hanbin. why did the universe decide to bring two ex-best friends on a random tuesday night? what brings him to the convenience store at the same time you’re there? and why did it have to happen a day before the interview?

you weren’t going to commit the same mistake; keep your eyes off of him and make your way out of the store. it didn’t matter if you had an empty, growling stomach, or gave free money to jongseob. you need to leave without the distant, familiar face noticing.

your feet act fast, and you're almost certain that might’ve caught his attention, but it didn’t matter as you see jongseob standing behind the cashier with his phone out. “i just ordered the pizza. it should arrive in about… 20 to 30 minutes.”

“yeah, about that…”

“don’t tell me you’re taking your money back.”

at the sight of jongseob’s pout, you roll your eyes. “no, keep it. i just—i need to go.”

“what? why?”

you peek behind you. it seems like he didn’t recognize you, after all. “i’ve got… work!”

“but don’t you only have your interview with zerobase—”

“hey!” your fingers snap at him. “you cannot—i mean, you just… just take the goddamn money.”

“but we’re supposed to share the pizza. you haven’t eaten.”

an exasperated sigh leaves you. “jongseob, just treat me next time. i can eat at home.”

and you’re ready to leave the convenience store, bid farewell to jongseob and a delicious pizza made for two, and never greet or say goodbye to the living fragment of what you last know of cheonan—

“y/n?”

and the plan failed.

when you meet his gaze, you’re able to take in the different version of him. he’s grown so much—it’s such a pain that you weren’t there to witness it. his eyes are a pool of emotions; you can’t identify them.

all it takes is one breath from you. “hanbin.”

a beat passes.

“i’m just gonna… go through the storage,” jongseob points his thumb at the back of the mart, “and maybe kill myself afterwards. i don’t know.” before you can protest, he’s already gone. (and he still has your money. that fucker.)

you and hanbin were once painted with the hues of the sun. this reunion is tainted with blue.

hanbin’s fingers tense up, almost as if he was hesitating—debating—on how to approach you. his body would waver, but he never took a step towards you. “i… i wasn’t expecting to meet you here.” 

“same here.” you lean your back against the checkout counter. “d—do you stay around this part of the city?”

he shakes his head. “i live around 15, maybe 20, minutes away from here. i’m only here because…” your breath gets caught in your throat. “i don’t know.”

fate. that’s what brought us here.

“do you live here?”

you nod. “yeah, ever since—” the sentence never gets completed; you and him already know.

for a moment, sorrow flashes in his eyes, but a smile shows up. the dimples don’t appear. “i, uh, i was going to get something from here but it seems like your friend is busy.”

“sorry about jongseob.” you whip out your phone and scold him through text. “he should be with us in a bit.”

hanbin hums before walking to the freezer filled with different ice cream. as he looks through the selection, he asks, “do you still like twin bar?”

“y—yeah.”

“still the grape flavor?” you don’t know what to say, but when his gaze meets yours, you settle for a nod. with your favorite ice cream in one hand and a sandwich in the other, he finally walks towards you. you don’t miss the slight stagger in his steps.

hanbin finds his spot beside you. there’s still distance between you two—two tiles worth, enough space for one person—but it’s enough for your muscles to freeze. thankfully, jongseob comes just in time to manage the cashier (with an awkward smile plastered on).

he scans hanbin’s item first before grabbing onto your ice cream.

“oh, i’m paying—”

“no, let me,” hanbin insists. “you can always treat me another time.”

you bite the inside of your cheek, thinking over the second half of his sentence. jongseob holds back from scanning the item, until you shoot him a nod. hanbin pays for the food before jongseob hands them to you.

“i’ll just let you know when the pizza gets here.” his small smile is enough for your shoulders to ease and a quiet exhale to leave. a small nod is all you give him.

you follow hanbin outside to the tables in front of the mart. once he’s settled on a spot, you sit across from him. he tears away the plastic wrapping of his food while you play with the ends of yours. 

while he swallows what you assume to be his dinner of the day, you’re left to swallow your own pride.

“i’ve seen your performances.” his chews halt. “you’re—” captivating. “you’ve improved a lot.”  

with one gulp, a shy smile takes over his face. “i still have a long way to go.”

“you always say that, even back then.” a half bitten sandwich now rests on the wrapper. “but i admire your drive.” always have.

while a different version of hanbin sits across you, the one you knew back in cheonan still lives. in the busy, unfamiliar expanse of seoul, meeting 7 years later, he’ll never be stranger. you could never treat him as such, even if you wanted to.

“there’s always room for improvement,” he says.

you hum along with his sentiment. “did you stick with early childhood education?” you’re met with his orbs that hold a thousand of emotions, some you can name as shock, confusion. a question hangs in the air—what did you deserve to know?

“sorry, i’m assuming you still went to college, which is totally fine if you did or didn’t, by the way. and it’s also okay if you didn’t stick to your major. i mean, you always talked about pursuing a performing arts degree before—”

“y/n,” he giggles, “you’re okay. i still went to college but i took media & communication.” your eyebrows shoot up at the revelation. “i thought it made sense to study something related to what i do, just the more technical and theoretical side of it, i guess. and the online classes were easy to squeeze into my schedule.” he lifts up the sandwich. “what about you?”

“uh, i ended up in the same course as well.” a hum of shock leaves hanbin. “yeah,” you chuckle, “i managed to shift courses.”

“that’s amazing! i’m happy for you.”

you smile at him. “thanks. now, i’m just—” you should tell him what you do. what would be a better time to reveal that you ended up in the path he dreamed for you to be than now? “—figuring things out.”

with your vagueness, hanbin only nods before munching away. if there’s anything about you that still remains, it’s that you shouldn’t be pushed to share something you didn’t want to talk about. he still knew that.

as he finishes his sandwich, you tear off the plastic wrapping of your ice cream. with the twin bar in your hands, you snap it into two before you hand him a piece. confusion paints his features, wide eyes glossing over the popsicle in your hand, but he takes it before you can say anything.

“thanks.”

you shake your head. “don’t even worry about it. it’s only tradition.”

silence settles between you two. as you eat away on your share of the twin bar, you look up to the sky. from where you sit, you can’t see a single star; the lights of seoul seemed to outshine them. and during those moments, you almost can’t help but miss the view of the starry night from your childhood room.

you glance at hanbin who looks up to the sky as well. yet, one hand remains in his pocket, almost as if he’s fiddling with something. 

as if he feels your eyes on him, he asks, “did you ever think about coming back?”

you halt your movements. if there’s one thing you were expecting your old friend to ask, it would be related to your sudden departure. but you’re hit with an entirely different question, one you didn’t get to rehearse the answer to in case you ever cross paths with him. 

because after all this talk about your yearning for cheonan, why didn’t you choose to visit? despite how much you long mr. kim’s home cooked meals, skies filled with stars, or the presence of your best friend, why didn’t you ever come back?

if you miss home, why is your first instinct to run away from it?

and the reality is that you do think about it all the time. since you left cheonan, you drafted out how many plans to go back. you were homesick, missing the familiar landscape you spent your entire childhood growing up in. but most of all, you missed hanbin. as long as you had him, you would survive anywhere, whether in seoul or cheonan.

despite how much you yearned for him during your years away, you learned that your relationship wasn’t always filled with the warmth that would grace you two every afternoon. for so long, you’ve sat with jealousy. while his family was his pillar of strength, you were met with a home that offered nothing but criticism.

the black limbs slowly ate away at your heart; the void was born.

it became easier to remain resentful. with the distance, you weren’t faced with hanbin’s genuineness. yet, with time, you discovered that you still cared for him—regardless of your jealousy—because you still wanted more for him than you did for yourself.

for a long time, you resented. now, it’s only guilt that held you back from going back to him.

so when you remain silent, hanbin takes it as your answer.

and for the first time, the distance feels greater since you first left cheonan.

summer of 2017

it’s the peak of summer. amidst the expanse of verdant fields, bees seek solace in the fully-bloomed sunflowers and kaleidoscope wings illuminate as they soar.

but summer is where mouths go dry and clothes cling to skin. as days blend with each other, the comfort of your bed is all you have until the season passes.

the fan rumbles against the wooden floor, doing its best to cool you, but the heat prickles against the back of your neck. the wind has turned into nothing but hot waves. with your elbows perched on the desk, a sigh leaves you as you attempt to make sense of the worksheet filled with math equations.

your room is your favorite place in cheonan. within these four walls are scattered fragments of you, from your favorite books and mangas that rest on the bookshelf to the stuffed toys that rest on your bed. book tabs stick out of your workbooks lined up on your desk and your cork board is filled with crossed out to-do lists.

and every once in a while, you would look out through your window, admiring the neighboring houses and all their greenery. as people walk on pavements, you cannot help but think about where they’re off to—are they on their way to work? did they leave an important document back home? or are they coming back to a meal and home filled with warmth?

despite the halo soundtrack filling your ears, the cogs in your brain seem to drown them out. the numbers on your paper have jumbled up. it should’ve been easy. after all, you’ve become friends with the letters who’ve squeezed their way into math. once you’ve wrapped up on this assignment, you know you’ll wake up to another set of work to do. it didn’t help that you’re stuck watching kids your age enjoy their break.

with a tired mind, you consider making yourself another cup of iced coffee. maybe another dose of caffeine will make sense of the numbers—

your phone buzzes against your table. as your eyes rip from the unfinished worksheet, you spot the familiar name flashing on the screen. with one glance at your door, you bring your headphones to rest around your neck. it takes three rings for you to answer.

“what do you want?”

“the fuck? what’s wrong with you?”

you roll your eyes as you fiddle with your pen. “i’m studying, you fucker.”

“on a sunday?” hanbin’s question has you only groan. “what happened to resting?”

“i wish,” you murmur as you scratch the back of your head. “i’ve been stuck on this stupid worksheet for the past hours. it’s annoying too. i mean, i already know this topic, so i don’t know why it’s so hard.”

“awe, is my best friend suffering over kumon?”

your forehead rests on crossed arms. “yes. i think i’m going to die.”

“okay, then. i’ll take that as my sign.”

“sign to what?”

he chuckles as if it were obvious. “to save you! let’s go to mr. kim’s.”

a groan leaves you as your back meets the chair. “no, i can’t. do you know what would happen if i don’t finish my kumon?”

“uh… no?”

“me, neither. i’m not taking my chances.”

“but, you’re not even doing anything!” hanbin pointing out the obvious has you rolling your eyes. “wouldn’t it be better to take a break with your best friend? i can even help out.”

as you bite the inside of your cheek, you glance once more at your closed door. you weigh it out; would you rather take a break with your best friend or would you save yourself from the consequences brought by home?

but the answer was already clear. “give me 10 minutes.”

hanbin laughs before you drop the call.

it’s the smell of fresh hotteok that greets you. the quiet buzzing of the fan accompanied by mr. kim’s favorite trot music fills your ears. while the owner seems to be away from the cashier, a white, stray cat takes over, body flopped on the counter as it snores away the heat. as the sun pours through windows, coating every corner of the mart with a glow of fireflies, you know this will be a place of its own.

“y/n, over here!” a familiar voice calls out. as you whip your head to the source, you see your best friend by the chest freezer, eyes crinkled and all dimples.

now, you’re certain that nothing could ever replicate this.

you walk towards hanbin, finding your spot beside him as you two look through the collection of frozen treats. “so, what do you want from here?” you ask.

“uh… i’ll be honest, i just realized i’m short on money.”

you glance through the price tags, only for a groan to leave you. “i’m short too. when did mr. kim raise the prices?”

“no clue. i thought i’d have enough to get a summer crush,” hanbin complains as his eyes are glued to the coffee sorbet. “i hate inflation.”

“come on.” you fish out for the coins in your pocket. “let’s see how much we have together.” hanbin does the same. with palms out, you two count through your shared funds.

“we can get a summer crush!”

“you can get one. i’ll be left with barely anything.” you look through the selection once more. “man, i really want samanco. the red bean sounds so good right now.”

defeat casts over hanbin’s features. for a moment, you almost consider giving up on having a frozen treat and settling for a glass bottle of orange soda, until you spot a familiar popsicle brand.

“holy shit, it’s right there.”

“what?”

“there!” your finger points at the stack of twin bars. “we can probably get that and split it.”

hanbin’s expression morphs into realization. “okay, let’s get—”

“dibs on grape.”

“dibs?” he furrows his eyebrows at you. “you can’t just call dibs. you’re doing it wrong. clearly, we should discuss—”

“nope,” you retort. a chuckle laced with disbelief leaves your best friend. to him, it seemed like you were joking around. “i made the suggestion and contributed a lot more to our shared funds.”

“okay, but—”

“don’t tell me you want the peach flavor more than the grape.” as you continue to shut him down, he knows there’s no way around you.

(plus, he wasn’t a fan of peach-flavored things, anyway. how unfortunate that mr. kim only has those two flavors right now.)

“next time, we’re choosing a flavor that i want,” he gives in. you let out a cheer before grabbing the frozen treat.

you two make your way back to the cashier and spot mr. kim slouched in front of the television, hand stroking the sleepy feline. he’s still wearing an old, red plaid apron on top of a pair of basketball shorts and a loose graphic tee which had the name of a band you’re unfamiliar with. with how he sits, you’re afraid that his back problems will get even worse. (still, you don’t say anything. he’ll only play it off and say he’s still one of the “youngins”... whatever that means.)

once his eyes land on you two, a grin takes over. “ah, my favorite kids! it’s nice to see you both.”

“yeah, it’s been a while,” hanbin starts off. “y/n’s always busy with kumon.”

you narrow your eyes at the boy. “hey! you’re busy, too! you’ve been practicing at the studio almost every day!” the wrapped popsicle now rests on the counter. “every time i’m free, you’re not.”

“hey! whenever you’re free, i’m tired from training!”

“okay, let’s settle down,” mr. kim breaks up the banter. he then takes note of the ice cream on the cashier, the price showing up on the cashier. “isn’t the heat hard enough for you two to be studying or practicing?”

“yes, very much.” you count the coins once more before dropping the exact amount on the counter. “but,” you glance at hanbin and his disheartened expression is enough for mountains to move, “i don’t think we have a choice.”

in reality, these were the circumstances you two had to work and live with. during the days hanbin ended practice early, you were drowning in summer school assessments. whenever you managed to finish your homework, it would be during the hours your best friend was off at the studio or passed out at home from exhaustion.

“choice, no choice, people always say that.” mr. kim counts your payment before putting it into the cashier. as he takes note of what you’ve bought, he says, “everyone has a choice. i’m sure you two can figure it out.”

the only difference is that one chose this path; the other had to suffer from the decision forced onto them.

“don’t worry, mr. kim,” hanbin nudges your shoulder. “i’m sure we’ll figure it out.” and when his whiskers appear, you find yourself smiling back.

maybe you were okay with the life you had to live, just maybe.

“anyway, we’ll go ahead,” hanbin bids farewell to mr. kim.

you giggle. “he means we’re just going to eat our ice cream at the front.”

as you two slowly make your way out of the mart, mr. kim shakes his head. “you lovebirds go ahead. i’ll see you next time!”

“mr. kim!” you and hanbin shout in unison before glancing at each other.

“what?!”

your best friend groans. “you know we aren’t together.”

“yeah! like, i can’t imagine it,” you join in.

still, the owner laughs at your reactions. “you two are so funny. just go and enjoy your ice cream.”

you roll your eyes at his words. “bye, mr. kim!”

with that, you and hanbin were out of the mart and took a seat on the benches. you hand your best friend the wrapped frozen treat before letting out a sigh. “i still can’t believe this is one of the few times we got to meet up during the break.”

“i know.” he tears the plastic wrapping off. “you would think that summer break would mean we get to hang out nonstop, but i’m starting to think we saw each other more whenever we had school.”

you hum. “i know. and i had ap stat while you had training.” your eyes dart at hanbin who grips onto the popsicle sticks, struggling to split it into two. “oh my god, don’t tell me you can’t split it.”

“hey! it’s hard.”

as you giggle, you reach your hand out. “let me do it.” once hanbin hands you the twin bar, you attempt to split the two. for a moment, you almost think about agreeing with him. yet, the frozen treat splits into two perfectly, and a satisfied smile rests on your lips.

you hand him one popsicle, only to be met with his glare. “i know, i’m just better.”

“just shut up.” to that, another laugh leaves you.

under the sun, you enjoy the coolness of the twin bar. while you would’ve stared off to nowhere, you and hanbin were here at the right time to catch civilians bustling away. some were on dates, where one would go on about their interest while the other would smile at their rambling. there were kids whose chatter could be heard all the way from the end of the block, and blue-collar men who were off to enjoy their break.

you can’t help but imagine what people saw—thought—of you and hanbin. did they think of you as unexpected friends? has it ever crossed their minds that you two were only classmates who seemed to always be paired together? or did they ever think the same as mr. kim?

“you know,” hanbin starts off, causing you to look at him, “i was going through college courses the other day.”

your eyebrows shoot up. “oh?”

with your reaction, hanbin giggles. “i was just curious, you know? not that i’m giving up on dance or anything, but,” he licks the popsicle, “early childhood education sounds cool.”

you hum. “i wasn’t expecting that.”

“what’s that supposed to mean?”

“no, it’s not a bad thing!” you reassure the boy. “it’s just,” you rip your gaze off of hanbin and look at the playground, “i always thought of you as a dancer, you know? kind of like you were meant for the stage.” the laughter of the kids who passed by you two bounces all over the block and you can’t help but smile. “but i don’t doubt it.”

the breeze graces your sweat-covered skin. “what about you?” you look back at him. “would you ever consider journalism? maybe communication as your major?”

you’re quick to laugh at his suggestion, but when confusion paints his features, you realize it’s a serious question from him.

“no.” it’s a straightforward answer from you, but hanbin could never settle with that

“why not?”

a sigh leaves you. “i just don’t consider it. i mean, i think about it,” all the time, “but not enough to consider it. plus, astrophysics is cool.”

“but is it your dream?”

hanbin’s question is an easy one to answer—not at all. you’ve had enough learning about theories and making sense of the numbers. if your future is going to only complicate that further, then maybe astrophysics isn’t made for you. 

but who’s to say that you’ll even enjoy journalism?

“we’ll see.” you leave it at that and hanbin didn’t push for more.

because the reality is that if you ever did consider it, transform those dreams into action plans, you were terrified to be met with your parents’ disappointment—it wouldn’t only be from your lousy desires but from hanbin’s role in your life.

the first time you mentioned hanbin to your parents happened over dinner, letting them know you would be staying later at school to work on the final project for art class with him. they didn’t bat an eye at his name as they continued to talk about what happened during work and pester you about your progress in other classes. (art class didn’t matter to them, only the sciences and math were ones they seemed to track. still, they would criticize you if you didn’t place first honors.)

with your parents’ oversight, something blossomed between you and hanbin . from there, there were more days you would get home later than usual. while you were still on top of your work, they took your late arrivals as a form of negligence.

all it took was one night for them to demand an explanation. the reappearance of him in the conversation had only caused them to reprimand you—hanbin’s not like you. he’ll only hold you back. 

from that day on, you’ve learned to keep his name out of conversations. you’ll enjoy what you have with hanbin, even if it has to be kept under the wraps.

“how’s training?” you change the subject, trying to keep the attention off of your failed dreams to hanbin’s flourishing ones.

“well, it’s a lot,” he chuckles as he munches a piece. “you already know that it takes how many hours to get to the company, and the hours i spend in the practice room are unlike the trainings i have at school.”

as his eyes meet yours, you only shoot him an apologetic smile. it was never going to be easy; you two knew that before hanbin entered the doors of the company. yet, he still held on.

“you know, i never considered it before, but i like where i’m going,” he admits. “even if i’ve always had dreams to pursue dance, i want to make my family proud if i ever get to debut.” 

hanbin knows how to persevere. regardless of all the bruises he gets from performing complex dance routines or the hours of sleep he longs for, he knows how to hold on. you wish you could say the same for yourself.

“and you will,” you reassure the boy, wrapping your arm around his shoulders. “who wouldn’t be proud of you?”

he holds your stare and your smile falters. for a moment, you don’t know if you touched on a sensitive topic. would he shrug your arm off? do you think he’ll shut you off, maybe cut your time together short? will hanbin get mad at you for something you didn’t know was wrong? would he be just like them?

“i want to make you proud.”

that’s enough to answer it all.

you shake your head. “don’t even doubt that for a second.” your arm finds it spot back to your side, and hanbin’s loops his with yours.

although he knows how to persevere, he never knows when to shut his ears from the shadows. 

“i am proud of you,” you tell him. “always have, always will.” he can’t help but smile. all you can hope is that he’ll listen closely to your voice.

“i almost forgot,” he says out of nowhere.

“forgot what?”

as he tugs his arm away, his hand fishes for something in his pocket. “close your eyes.” you furrow your eyebrows. “just do it!” you follow his orders. “and keep them closed, okay?” you let out a hum.

before you know it, something wraps around your index finger. you would’ve opened your eyes, confused over the foreign yet familiar material, but they remain shut. 

“okay, open.”

your gaze rests on your finger wrapped in yellow and blue. it’s a finger trap—and the other end is connected to hanbin. despite your tug, it still holds you two together.

it’s the warmth that fills your cheeks, the heartbeat in your ears, and your starstruck eyes that has him smile. “no matter what happens, we’ll stick together, okay? regardless of what paths we end up pursuing. all that matters is that we have each other.”

he’s filled with hope. hope for his dreams. hope for your relationship. hope for what the future holds for you two. you can’t help but hope as well.

all it takes is a nod from you to solidify the promise to the universe.

you two sit in silence, finishing up the popsicles as people continue to pass by. at one point, you heard mr. kim let out a curse over the drama he’s watching. the sun is about to set, wrapping you two in a golden blanket, and all that matters is the finger trap.

present  -> two weeks before the interview, 2024

it’s no surprise to you that the newsroom is quiet. while your peers are off to gather more information, you’re with lee chaeyeon of news as she tries to meet the deadline for her article’s first close.

“do you think dokyeom will be late?” you ask as you watch her rephrase sentences.

she laughs. “when is he never? minho’s always assigning him coverages.”

“that’s true.” your eyes drift to the hallway. “i’m just hungry. he still owes me food, you know?”

“over another bet? or you saving his ass?”

“over helping him with an article,” you reveal, earning a shocked look from her. “for some odd reason, he needed another writer to help out with a live coverage, and all the sports writers and sports editor were busy handling the other events.”

“holy shit.” chaeyeon continues with her work. “i didn’t expect you to work on anything sports-related.”

“yeah, but it helped that it was a dance competition. at least i know something about dance.” you only know who to thank. “i’m going to make sure i get compensated for that. i’m planning to raise it to minho and namjoon, anyway. that’s if dokyeom would fucking come and help in explaining the situation.”

with the mention of the tardy writer’s name, he’s scrambling through the halls with his backpack in one hand and a paper bag in the other. the moment he sees you, he shoots you an apologetic smile.

“speak of the devil,” you say as you stand up straight. “why do you always show up late? i helped you with the article.”

dokyeom finds his spot beside you as he sets down the bag on your desk. “i’ll have you know that wasn’t the only article i had yesterday. i was catching up on other ones that minho assigned me.” before he can plop down on his seat, he spots chaeyeon working. “damn, tough life at news.”

“no need to point out the obvious, doofus.”

“wow, harsh,” he replies to her insult. “just so you know, i bought food for us.”

“thank god,” you exclaim as you open the paper bag filled with takeout containers and sealed cups. as you pull them out one by one, you spot your usual order from the vietnamese restaurant around the corner. “oh my god, thank you for getting me this.” you take a seat before you pass dokyeom his food and utensils.

“yeah, i know. i’m just the best.” his shower of compliments for himself only has you rolling your eyes. “but thank you, by the way, for helping me out with the article. i needed an extra pair of hands and my own editor couldn’t stand in to help out.”

“it’s fine. just make sure you help me get compensated for that article,” you say before you open the container. as the smell of bun bo nam bo fills your nose, you can’t help but let out a quiet moan. “holy fuck, i’ve been craving this.”

“i made sure to get you some vietnamese coffee also.”

“yeah, i saw. thank you.” you split the chopsticks with one hand. you’re about to mix the bowl of your favorite food—

“is y/n here?” your editor calls out, causing you to let out a sigh before you stand up from your seat.

“yes?”

namjoon’s gaze lands on you. “can i talk to you for a bit?”

despite your grumbling stomach, you give him a nod and set your food down. as he retreats to his office, you glare at dokyeom who munches away on goi cuon. “i hate you.”

“hey, what did i do?!” you ignore his attempts to defend himself as you make your way to your editor’s office.

once you swing the door open, you spot namjoon whose eyes are stuck to the screen. “you can take a seat,” he says with no attempt to look at you. you sit across from him, hands folded on your lap, while he types away on his keyboard.

the moment he hits the ‘enter’ key is when he finally looks at you. “sorry about that. i was just replying to minho regarding your compensation for the article you worked with dokyeom. we both appreciate what you did. next time though, make sure to loop in minho or me before you two start working on beats not within your staffs.”

“sorry about that,” you start off. “dokyeom only asked for my help and i thought it would be fine since i’m familiar with dance, anyway.”

namjoon shakes his head with a small smile plastered on his face. “it is fine, just make sure to inform us.” you only nod.

“anyway, i’m sorry to have this meeting with you right now but i have to leave work early today, and i thought that you’d appreciate that i tell this to you now instead of tomorrow,” he says. you hum, curious about what he has to say. “i have a coverage for you, a very, very, long one.”

over the sight of your wide eyes, he can’t help but chuckle. “it’s 10 articles,” he says and your mouth gapes over the number. “well, one main article and nine profiles with very brief introductory paragraphs.” his attempt to ease your shocked state does nothing.

“namjoon, that’s… a lot.”

“yes, i know. i would love to split the workload but everyone else is handling other articles, and i trust you. i know i’m asking for a lot but i’ll make sure to help you out with them. it’s just that we’re working on a time crunch and i don’t know anyone else i can ask but you.”

the faith that your editor seems to have in you is like no other.

“profiles, like, those q&a transcripts?” you ask.

he nods before saying, “yes, and just a brief introductory paragraph for each profile. i’m just expecting you to put more work into the article about the group. i’ll make sure to help out with the profiles.”

namjoon’s trust should be anxiety inducing, enough to send you complaining, but you find yourself relieved. your mentor became your second-in-command; the mountain of workload transformed into a hill.

“okay.”

a relaxed smile appears on his face at your acceptance. “thank god! i was going to stress about this the whole day if you refused. i’ll make sure to send you the details about this once i’m done with my appointments, and then we can see how we’ll divide the work later on.” he types something. “we’re covering a k-pop group which is why there’s one main article about the whole group and then nine profiles.”

“yeah, i figured that out.” this isn’t anything out of your usual articles. “can i ask who we’re interviewing? maybe i can do some research on them while you attend your meetings.” you pull out your phone, ready to search up whoever your editor says.

“ah, i’m sure you’ll be familiar with them. it’s zerobaseone.” you still in your seat. “you know, the group formed from boys planet.”

“zerobaseone?”

namjoon looks at you, now met with your features that have transformed from wide eyes to scrunched eyebrows.  “yeah. do you know them?” 

you shake your head without a second thought. “no, i don’t think i do,” you whisper the last sentence to yourself. his narrow eyes look over you, almost dissecting you.

the walls surrounding you are painted in solid colors of pearl, almost untouched. yet, under the paint are cracks that spread like cobwebs. every burst is a testament to the earthquakes they’ve faced; no one should be able to see a single line of black amid the white sea. now, they’re filled with paste, and it should be enough to cover them all.

but for the first time, the paint has chipped and the paste has deteriorated; the different colors of cheonan seep through the cracks.

you clear your throat as you straighten your back. “i’ll be sure to research them.” you wave your phone at him, hoping to divert his attention, but his gaze remains on you.

a sigh leaves him. “okay. expect to receive the documents later in the afternoon.”

he doesn’t push any further. for now, the walls remain intact. (or appear as so.)

it was never going to be easy.

“honestly, i was losing hope as we practiced,” the youngest says through tears. as they huddle, they let out silent wishes for the upcoming years. before they blow the candle, they don’t forget to express their gratitude to the fandom who stuck with them through thick and thin.

a time of celebration turned into a moment to remember their struggles. these were pockets of their time that marked their spot in history.

“oh, everyone behind us is crying!” another member points out as the camera captures the team’s bittersweet cries.

and when you catch sight of the brunette who hides his tears behind his friend, the ache in your chest starts to spread through your veins. the video cuts to his low-hanging head as his members comfort him. they knew all of his hardships—you only know a fraction.

such a tender moment happened a year ago; it’s longer than the amount of time between this achievement and your departure. within those years, what did hanbin undergo? did his trainings waver his passion or did the fire burn just as bright as it did since he first auditioned? was he confident in his skills or was he still critical about every performance he had?

but most of all, what did he face? what did he learn? to hate? to love?

what did he go through without you?

you don’t forget to take note of their first win on your document filled with bullet points of information. while you were going to continue watching, a recommended video caught your attention. it’s a hanbin focus. you don’t hesitate to click it.

the video starts off with him checking up on the fans before the performance starts. as he mimes out eating, they answer his question with reassurance.

and there they come—his dimples appear.

it transitions to their group in their opening formation. as they await for the song to play out, hanbin’s familiar smile shifts into a dominant gaze.

in the same way the first notes draw people to listen, your eyes never leave the boy. his movements are fluid, like water droplets sliding off leaves. he commands the stage regardless of where he’s positioned.

hanbin is meant to be on the stage—no, every stage is made for him. every crowd is meant to cheer his name and remain captive to his talents, and every spotlight is meant to shine on him.

you rest your chin on crossed arms. long gone was the bowl cut and loose school uniform. he’s grown. matured, even. yet, the moments where his smile appears makes you realize one thing: the 16-year-old boy you knew still lives within him.

as their performance comes to an end, you don’t bother to move your cursor, letting the next recommended video play. and when his vlog plays out, you realize that a fragment of his identity is a whole of what you know.

what an honor it is to have known him for even a fraction of your lifetime.

his voice is a lullaby, the same one you used to fall asleep to, so you allow yourself to close your eyes. you let go of the responsibilities for just this moment, and allow yourself to be transported back into the warmth of his arms.

fall of 2017

out of all the seasons, autumn took its spot in being your favorite. clusters of green slowly morph  into shades of oranges and browns. it’s a symphony of chirps that fills the silence. while the breeze brings you comfort after the heat of summer, it also reminds you of the looming winter.

it’s a shame that autumn does live up to its other name: a season of fall.

“you’re always like this,” your mother comments. you stand in front of your parents, slumped shoulders and downcast eyes, as they hold a sheet of paper they believe dictates your future. “always so sensitive. we’re just asking you what went different. why did your grades drop?” to them, a shift from a to b+ is a threat to your future. 

while your feet stand on wooden floors, a flood starts to form. murky waves crash against your legs, but you do your best to keep your balance.

“answer us when you’re being talked to.” your father snaps you out of your thoughts. “what have you been doing for your grades to drop?” you want to answer but a single sound that leaves you may only lead to blubbers that your parents will scold you for. 

with your silence, your mother sneers. “i knew we shouldn’t have let you do your own things. i told you so.” she shifts her gaze to him. “what did i tell you about y/n? you know they’ll only slack off!”

“i thought we could trust them. clearly, i was wrong.” your father’s glare raises the water levels, reaching your chest. you don’t know how to swim in the foggy ocean.

“i know why.” she crosses her arms. “it’s because of that hanbin boy, isn’t it?” she says his name laced with disgust.

you don’t think twice to defend him. “no, it isn’t!”

“don’t you dare talk back at me!”

“but i’m not! he’s done nothing.”

your father begins to raise his voice. “and that’s what’s wrong! that lazy boy does nothing for his studies. he clearly doesn’t care about his future.”

you always knew it would be a losing battle, but you’ll put up the fight to protect your best friend’s name. “that’s not true! he does care. he’s planning to do early childhood education for college, maybe become a teacher.”

“that job has no money. see, i can already see that you’re being influenced by him,” he argues back.

and as the murky waters rise, filling your lungs, your first instinct is to close your eyes and scream. “stop saying that about him!”

a beat passes.

“i don’t want you hanging out with him.”

“but—”

“shut up.” your mother’s words cause you to look up, meeting your parents’ faces filled with anger.  “go to your room. now.” you’re nothing but a puppet for them.

was it even a battle if you always knew you were going to lose?

despite the safety of your room, you don’t let the tears flow down. you do anything to distract yourself; maybe a book will convince you that your life is only a figment of your imagination.

waves continue to crash against your body. if you let them take your body, would they send you far away from cheonan? from your parents? from the weight you were entrusted to carry since birth?

but would you allow the waves to send you away from hanbin?

your phone buzzes against the mattress. with tear-filled eyes, you see your best friend trying to reach you. you don’t think twice about declining his call and shutting off your phone.

as you curl in your bed, you hope the sea will swallow you whole—the slow, burning pain that comes with drowning won’t compare to the burns that haven’t healed. but you know that the blame rests on your shoulders. if only you had studied harder, cut off hours of rest for your work, then maybe you would be the perfect child your parents wanted.

were you wrong for allowing yourself to enjoy the small breaks between classes? was the time spent in the mart supposed to be for schoolwork? should you have found yourself a tutor? were you in the wrong for not working yourself to the bone? did you not work enough?

are you not enough?

then, a knock. your eyes snap open. like a stroke of light in the middle of the dark, hanbin is by your window.

you get off your bed to open the window. as the glass barrier disappears, he enters your room. “are you okay?” he spots your glassy eyes and his hands find their spot on your shoulders. “what happened?”

you break eye contact. “what do you want, hanbin?”

“you didn’t pick up your phone. and when i tried calling again, i couldn’t reach you,” he starts to explain.

you shrug off his grip on you before you take a seat on your bed. “i’m fine. my phone died.” as you feel the spot beside you dip, you look at your best friend. at the sight of his furrowed eyebrows, you know he doesn’t believe you. “i said i’m fine.”

“i didn’t say anything.” for you are an open book to him.

he opens his arms towards you—it’s your move to make. then, a tight-lipped smile shows on his face, his whiskers appear, and you allow yourself to fall. with his arms wrapped around you, you shut your eyes as you nestle your face into his neck.

breathe in. breathe out.

his hand finds its spot on your back, rubbing it in circles.

breathe in. breathe out.

“it’s okay, i’m here,” he says, and you allow yourself to crumble in front of him for the first time.

the tears hit hanbin’s neck like a light drizzle. your wails bring earthquakes into his world.

yet, his warmth is enough to dry up droplets, and his embrace protects you as you fall into the cracks of the earth and into the depths of the world. the flood starts to subside.

in your time knowing hanbin, how much did he know about you after all? had he always known of your strained relationship with your parents? did he hear about it from others or was he able to connect the dots?

because you didn’t know yourself outside of your parents anymore. did you like science because of your kumon classes? was your interest in writing birthed from a desire for validation from your parents?

are you nothing but an array of achievements and failures?

but your parents will never be satisfied; a standard too high is practically nonexistent.

hanbin moves so that you two can lie down. his arms remain wrapped around you as you hide in his neck. “i’m sorry if i wasn’t there for you when you needed it then.” his whispered apology causes you to shake your head.

“you didn’t do anything wrong,” you blubber out to his neck.

“and you didn’t, as well.” his hand finds its spot behind your head. with every stroke, a tear streams down. “and i want you to know that i’ll be here for you.”

in your house, your room was the only space you called home. solace built by you. 

now, your home is hanbin.

present -> two weeks before the interview, 2024

something about the newsroom feels odd to you. there’s nothing out of the ordinary aside from it bustling with journalists. the familiar sounds of printers and chatter from your workmates fill your ears. it’s a typical occurrence for your peers to meet their deadlines on the day itself. the tug in your gut doesn’t resemble ones formed out of your anxiety. why does it feel like one of destiny?

“where is dokyeom? i swear, this guy never shows up to the office.”

you snap out of your thoughts, looking over at chaeyeon who browses through her phone. as you shove a bill into the vending machine, a chuckle leaves you. “when is he never?”

“maybe if he finishes his coverages on time then he’d be getting enough sleep. then, he won’t be late.”

you side-eye your friend before you click on a button. “you know that’s not true.”

she sighs at the same time your bottle of iced tea drops. “yeah. apparently, if you have free time, you’re not a good journalist or some shit which i find stupid.” you grab your drink before facing her. “am i not allowed to do something else that’s not related to my job? i swear, this is why i’m single.”

“then date another journalist.” your joke earns a scowl from her.

“i’m never dating anyone in my field. a journalist dating another journalist is like,” she looks up to the ceiling as she thinks, “a long distance relationship with how much they’ll never see or have time for each other.”

a laugh erupts from you, one that may be too loud for your liking. “true.”

as you walk out of the breakroom with chaeyeon, you notice something in the corner of your eye: a brunette by the restroom. while you can’t see his face, you spot what’s in his hand and you halt in your tracks—a finger trap.

“hey, is there someone there?” your eyes snap back to your friend who looks at you in confusion. when your eyes drift back to where the brunette once was, he’s already gone. you shake your head before walking back to your desk.

the same gut feeling lingers. with a frown, you open up your article only to be met with a few comments that namjoon left last night. maybe your gut knew that you weren’t done with your work. thankfully, it’s nothing too major, and you can have them done within the next few minutes.

“there you are!” chaeyeon exclaims, causing you to look up from your screen to a panting dokyeom. “were you working on your articles again?”

“actually, i went out last night.” while you shake your head at dokyeom’s reveal, chaeyeon gasps. “yeah, i did! i actually had fun for once!”

as he nods proudly at last night’s events, she complains, “are you serious?! how come you have time to go out? i was just talking to y/n that we never have time to ourselves.”

“i’m in sports,” he points out as he shrugs his shoulders. “you’re in news.” at this point, you’re expecting the two to spiral into an argument, so you redirect your focus back to your article.

“hey, did you hear though? there’s a k-pop group in the building.” you glance at chaeyeon.

your other friend leans on the cubicle. “really? who?”

“no clue.”

dokyeom lets out a groan. “what type of journalist are you if you can’t find out?”

“yah!” chaeyeon smacks his arm, causing him to wince in pain. “says you who can never submit on time.”

“hey, i’ll have you know that minho has been understanding!”

“whatever.” she rolls her eyes before looking at you. “that means you’ll probably be handling them. i hope they’re cute so that you can finally have something going on with your life outside of work.”

a chuckle leaves you as you get back to work. “i’m never dating an idol. i’d get hunted down by their fans.” 

“yeah, but can’t you dream a little? do you ever imagine what it would be like?”

the past plays in your mind. after school performances and interviews. broken-up popsicles. finger traps. a life you shared with hanbin then—one you still cling onto.

yet, you shake your head as you edit your article. “not even.”

it’s a life you’ll keep to yourself.

“what’s the update?”

the three of you look away from each other, spotting namjoon who comes to you with a smile. long gone were the sweaters that failed to drown out his figure and the boxy glasses that would rest on the bridge of his nose. now, he wears a dress shirt and trousers with hair slicked to the side. there were no frames for him to hide behind.

“ah, namjoon! you’re dressed so nice today.”

with dokyeom’s compliment, he can’t hold back on his smile. “thank you. are you guys done with your articles?”

as your friends nod, you add the finishing touches to the document. “and done! i just finished addressing your comments.”

“great. thanks, y/n.”

“do you have something?” chaeyeon asks your editor, causing you to roll your eyes. one thing about journalists is that they love to know everything.

namjoon nods before saying, “i just had a meeting with some possible interviewees.”

“is this the one with the k-pop group?” as dokyeom asks the question, you can’t help but laugh as chaeyeon looks at him in disbelief for spilling confidential information.

your editor chuckles. “yes.”

“can we know—”

“no, you can’t know.”

chaeyeon pouts at namjoon. “not even a hint?”

namjoon ignores her question and begins to walk off. “good work, y/n!” he calls out before leaving you three alone.

“man, namjoon never tells us shit,” chaeyeon complains as she leans on the table.

“to you guys, at least,” you argue with a small shrug.

still, the gut feeling remains.

something about the newsroom feels odd to hanbin. while he’s had his fair share of paranormal experiences, his gut tells him that there’s something in the office. yet, the tug isn’t one that speaks of danger. why does it feel like one of destiny?

“should we have a short break before we discuss the schedules for the photoshoots and interviews?” hanbin is snapped out of his thoughts by namjoon’s suggestion.

his manager looks at the group. “do you guys need a break?”

although everyone seemed fine with proceeding, he couldn’t shake off the feeling. maybe the leftover curry he had this morning went bad. “i’ll go,” he says as he gets off his seat.

namjoon slowly stands up. “okay, i can bring you there—”

“it’s okay! i saw the washroom on the way here,” hanbin says before walking to the door. “you can discuss the details without me first.”

with his manager’s nods, namjoon settles back into his seat. “okay then, here are some of the dates i have in mind...”

hanbin exits the room. he bites on the inside of the cheek as he thinks of what his gut could be telling him. is it the nerves for the upcoming tour? is he worried about the next comeback they’ve been preparing? or is he scared about what the future has in store for his group?

with his mind on these questions, he doesn’t realize that he arrives in front of the bathroom door. a sigh of frustration leaves him. the worst thing about gut feelings is never knowing what they’re trying to say.

he grips the handle, ready to swing the door open, until a familiar laugh hits his ears. one of the past. one he hasn’t heard in years. his muscles freeze.

when was the last time he heard that chortle? when was the last time he became the cause of it?

his eyes dart around the area for the source but no one else is here. he can’t help but shake his head in disbelief.

it should be stupid for him to think you two would ever reunite. in what world would you be in the same place as he is? it’s been 7 years. you could be anywhere around the world. yet, he fishes for something out of his pocket; the same finger trap he linked you to him rests on the palm of his hand.

he sighs before entering the washroom and shoving it back into his pocket.

maybe he’ll hold out a little longer.

winter of 2017

out of all the seasons, hanbin’s favorite is winter. snowflakes fall, filling the sky with stars that people can touch, and snow piles on sidewalks, letting him throw snowballs at his friends. despite the freezing temperatures, hanbin prefers this over nearly-boiling ones.

he can’t wait to share this season with you.

yet, the familiar, chilly breeze of the season transforms into whispers, and word gets around like thrown snowballs. 

“is y/n really not going to school anymore?” hanbin looks up from his desk to see soojin standing in front of him. he tilts his head in confusion, causing her to roll her eyes. “are they not going here anymore?”

he frowns. “huh? what kind of rumor is that?”

“i don’t know. it’s what people have been saying,” she says as she crosses her arms. “i asked because i wanted to know if my competition’s gone, you know? and you’re the only one here who has an idea about their whereabouts.”

hanbin laughs in disbelief. “no, i was with them last week.”

when hanbin last saw you, you asked for space. with what’s been happening with your family, you needed time to process and cope with your issues, and he respected that. after all, he only knew a fraction of your relationship with your parents, and he didn’t want to intrude in anything you didn’t want him to be a part of. still, hanbin reminded you that he’ll be there if you need him.

“damn, that sucks,” soojin groans as her shoulders slump. “these stupid rumors.” as soon as she leaves hanbin alone, he shakes his head.

the bell rings. students start rushing into classrooms and teachers scold those who aren’t on their seats. ms. jeon enters the room, walking to the desk in front and setting her things down. “lee soojin, you’ll be in charge of attendance today.”

as hanbin’s classmate gets off her seat, he can’t help but look at your desk that still remains empty.

“you have to message us when you land,” your mother says as she fixes the collar of your coat. despite your nod, she clicks her tongue. “answer me properly.”

“yes, i will.”

once your father finishes placing the last luggage in the trunk of the taxi, he stands beside your mother. “don’t forget why we’re sending you there. we expect you to do better with no distractions.”

your phone buzzes in your hand. as you look down, you see a message from hanbin. as he asks about your whereabouts, the weight gets heavier—will you stand or crumble under it?

“who’s that?”

you stash your phone away as you look back at your parents. “nothing. it’s just an email from the school. they sent over the date for the orientation.” at the sight of their satisfied smile, you let out a small sigh of relief.

“well, go on.” your nod at your mother before getting in the car. with the windows still down, she adds, “don’t forget to get endorsement letters from the professors i sent over to you or else you won’t get to study abroad like we planned.” her choice of pronouns is funny; a plan that they crafted which never considered your input.

“okay.”

as your father commands the driver to go, your gaze remains on the two. it should be okay with you to leave cheonan; you’d be far away from your parents and experience an entirely different landscape to explore. it’s time you break away from the chains of this town. learn a life outside of what your parents forced you into.

yet, as the car takes its leave, the figure of your parents slowly shrinks. the distance from them should’ve given you the space to breathe, a relief you’ve longed for, but it only reminds you of your strained relationship. to them, it would be better that you’re out of their sight—and with your farewell, you never heard the three-word phrase.

the window rolls up. you try to hold back the tears, but the scenery of cheonan that you pass by births a storm within you. you didn’t want to say goodbye to home, regardless of how much you say you didn’t have a home in this town. every corner holds a piece of you in the same way you hold a piece of them.

the car approaches a safe haven you share. despite the snow that piles at the front, mr. kim’s convenience store is still open. you’ll never get to have his hotteok again or hear his favorite dramas play in the background. worst of all, you never got to say goodbye.

then, the familiar figure of your best friend exits the mart, and the storm transforms into a typhoon. the plastic bag he holds is filled with your favorite snacks, from the grape-flavored twin bar to a bottle of mr. kim’s homemade peach iced tea.

and in that moment that your car passes him, he pulls out his phone from his pocket, and you spot the familiar trap wrapped around his finger—the other end holds no one.

as quickly as you came into hanbin’s life, he disappears from your view.

finger traps were fascinating. if you tug hard, the contraption won’t let your fingers go. yet, if you allow the two fingers to meet, allowing the toy to loosen, it’ll let you go with no harm.

but your finger trap with hanbin was different. maybe it was already ripped to its seams.

interview

q: what made you decide on becoming an idol?

a: i’ve always loved dancing. growing up in cheonan, i always made time [for dance] whether it be [for] school competitions, talent shows, or even [choreographies] i wanted to try out. but i never considered becoming [an idol] until high school. a lot of my friends and family thought i was capable, and i’m glad they trusted me. it feels good to give back to them with every performance.

q: compared to your other members, you’ve spent a lot of years dancing and training to become an idol. what kept you going throughout your years of training?

a: my family’s support was one big thing that helped me [during my training.] every trip from my house to the company would last hours, and it drained me physically. so as the years went by, i started to question if all the time, money, [and] effort i was putting into an unpromised debut would be worth it, but my parents and sisters were always there to support and [take] care of me. but i’d also like to think my best friend was a major support in training years. i think they were the first one to [tell me that they saw me as an idol,] and at the time i brushed off the idea. but, look where i am now? so i think i owe a lot to them.

q: is there anything you’d like to say to those who’ve supported you as zerobaseone’s hanbin?

a: mom and dad, thank you for believing in me. i know it wasn’t easy to wait until midnight for me to come home or take care of me whenever i got sick from training. thank you for always supporting me in every performance. to my sister, thank you for helping mom and dad out at home. every day, i remind myself that you gave up so much just so i can pursue my dreams, and i want you know that i’m forever grateful for your sacrifices. to the rest of [zerobaseone], thank you for always allowing me to rely on you. i’m glad i can say i have brothers who i get to achieve my dreams with. zerose, thank you for your love and support over the years. i wouldn’t be zerobaseone’s leader or sung hanbin if it weren’t for you. and lastly, thank you to my best friend. i hope you’ll always be proud of me the same way i’ll forever be proud of you.

tag list: @kflixnet @blankjournal @somber-reads

[heartofarcanum]

Ok so tiny rant about why the Immortal Desires ending is one of the all time worst choices endings to absolutely no one’s surprise:

First there’s the plot ending:

Yes, this is the last scene of the book (unless you get the bonus scene). The book ends with MC randomly having been turned into a vampire, and if you buy every single talisman throughout the story, you get a bonus scene. In the bonus scene you find out MC was going to die, and that Cas and Gabe turned her without her consent while she was unconscious after never having discussed her being turned or her feelings on the matter before then. Then they didn’t get the chance to tell her until she figured it out on her own. And then once MC figured it out she’s like “cool, thanks for saving my life, no big on the vampire thing.”

Think I’m joking?

That’s literally the line.

And this is where the whole book ends, so MC never gets upset, never talks to them about it, nothing. She’s just totally cool with being turned into a vampire without her consent while she was unconscious.

Also, keep in mind, the entire explanation for why she’s suddenly a vampire is in the bonus scene, so unless you spend about 100 diamonds on all the talismans, you do not get this scene. The book just ends with MC suddenly becoming a vampire.

Then there’s the poly situation.

Throughout the entire book the romances are set up so that you can romance Cas, Gabe, or both of them together. And when I say together I don’t mean u can pick both of their scenes and just decide in the end, I mean there are multiple diamond scenes throughout the book where u can pick a romance scene that includes both of them together. It’s one or the other or both of them together throughout the entire story.

For example, this is the final diamond choice:

You can choose them both together.

Now what, do you ask, happens in this scene where they all three confess their feelings to each other? Cas and Gabe confess their feelings to MC who says “for now I can’t choose between you, I hope you’re okay with that.”

AND THEY ARE. They both say “you can’t choose right now and that’s fine.”

Think I’m joking?

The thing that makes me truly furious about this is that they spend the entire book focusing on the relationship these three develop together. They have diamond scenes together. They have romantic scenes together. And then in the end MC guiltily feels like she can’t decide between them???

They not only set up a poly relationship and didn’t follow it through, but they set up a poly relationship and then made MC feel guilty about wanting them both. If the entire book it had been framed as one or the other, I wouldn’t be so mad, but the entire book it was framed as one or the other or both together.

So to conclude: it’s a rushed ending plot wise, MC is turned against her consent and without her knowledge and is not only fine with it, but in fact grateful for the violation, and they spend an entire book purposefully setting up a poly relationship and then at the last minute force guilt on MC and make her choose.

So yeah, one of the worst choices endings I’ve ever read, and I read wolfbride.

[gavisuntiedboot]

I'm the anon that u called Islamophobic. I think I didn't get my point across. Mena is notorious for having no democracy or electing fundamentalist gov. This isn't being Islamophobic this is a fact. I don't think Palestinians will want to live in peace after what israel put them through especially kids from Gaza.

Creation of Israel was to make it a Jewish state not a secular state. Makes no sense for them to change law of return. Especially with Netanyahu n abbas to find a middle ground

Its naive of u to think that it won't start a Civil War like in Lebanon. They don't like each other. Either way there will be genocide of Either group. Forcing a one state solution is not feasible,unless u want a blood bath. Ut will be 1947 all over.

I'm not Islamophobic like u make me out to be. I live in a country that feeds the same kind of propaganda. What israel is doing in wrong. They shouldn't have been making a state there. Things happened has happened.

Both of the leadership in very corrupt. This is the reason I support 2 state solution so that they don't kill each other. Or otherwise jews just go back where they come from Europe or Mena wherever.

Also river to sea is a call for genocide. It was used by Israeli gov and also Palestinians. U want to mean it something but it isn't.

I hope there will be peace someday without a genocide

Anon, read these words carefully: you ARE being Islamophobic and racist when you say these things.

MENA is notorious for actually having their governments collapsed by the West and then benefiting from the chaos. That's what happened in Egypt and Kuwait and Lebanon. They never let elections stand as the people want them. You are saying that "MENA people don't know how to pick governments or they pick a Muslim one." Like dude. There is currently no fundamentally Islamic government anywhere in the world. It doesn't exist. Like who are you referring to when you make this statement? If I say "Ukrainian people don't know how to elect a good government, so Russia should have Ukraine" it would be an ASS BACKWARDS STATEMENT. YOU, non-MENA individual, think we don't know how to pick or elect a government. So what if it's an Islamic government? IF THAT'S WHAT THE PEOPLE CHOOSE FOR THEMSELVES WHAT IS THE ISSUE? You're Islamophobic and racist because you believe that people in the MENA region are not capable of making decisions for themselves or capable of being civilized.

"Well I don't think that Palestinians will want x..." Respectfully, what you think means ABSOLUTELY FUCK ALL IN THIS SITUATION. You are not Palestinian, you don't talk to Palestinian or even Middle Eastern people apparently, and your response is "Well they already took the land so let them keep it." No. Fuck you. It's our land and we want it back. Because by your logic "well Franc took Algeria so they should just be fine with it". Like you fundamentally do not believe brown people have the right to their own land and to self determination. If Russia took a portion of Ukraine, you would never say "oh just let Russia keep it what happened already happened" because they're white.

The West fucks up the MENA region and then tells brown people to deal with it. Lebanon was created to make an Arab state for Christians so they would leave Syria. Then the same Western countries put a Muslim government in place TO MAKE SURE THE MIDDLE EAST WASN'T AT REST. THE WHITE WORLD BENEFITS FROM THE DESTABILIZATION OF THE MIDDLE EAST. SO THEY CASUE IT THEMSELVES.

Israel shouldn't exist. And God willing within our lifetimes it will cease to exist. And I mean that in the same way the Soviet Union ceases to exist. Not as a call for killing, but the dismantlement of an oppressive political system of ruling. I want the state of Israel to disappear, not Jewish people.

And finally, from the river to the sea was a slogan made by Palestinians. Israelis stole it, like they stole everything else. Palestinians say it with one meaning, and your refusal to accept the meaning from the creators of the phrase speaks to the internalized bigotry within you. When people say "Black Lives Matter" do you feel threatened? Do you think it is a call to end white lives? Do you burn with the need to say "well ALL lives matter"?

Your argument is based in the fact that you see brown people as incapable of self governance, that because they were massacred in '48 they don't deserve their own land, that everyone is bad so Palestinians should shut up and be happy with a two state solution and that's the best we can do. You are a racist and you are Islamophobic, and I will not be responding to any of your further attempts at a rebuttal until you can sit with yourself and realize that. You think you're free from propaganda? The propaganda has worked extra hard on you, because you still believe that we are not civilized people.

I hope you have the day you deserve.

[piplupcola]

Advice for people who wanna attend the Undertale cafe event in Anaeheim, CA

Go early if you wanna get in early - I reached at around 1230pm on Saturday (the cafe only opens at 1pm) and the line was already AROUND THE BLOCK so if u dont wanna wait be the first in line by going early.

Make sure to bring sunscreen and an umbrella - chances are you're gonna be waiting a while in the Sun outside. Like I said I arrived at 1230pm, didn't get to the front of the line until 430pm. So make sure to bring lots of water, food (trust me bring snacks) and something to hide from the shade cos you'll be waiting a while.

Dont expect yourself to be filled after eating - like I said in point 2, bring your own food to eat while waiting. The special event food is really small and you're only allowed to pick one food item from the options (you can get as many drinks as you want though). You also have to leave the cafe in under 20 mins cos of the queue. I would avoid sugary food cos the food and drinks in the cafe are super sweet so too much and you're gonna feel sick.

You're not gonna get what you want on the menu - unlike what they advertised for the event, you aren't gonna get to pick from a list of items on the menu. Most likely you only get to choose between 2 items, which they limited to only 1 person 1 item. When I was there it was the cinnamon butterscotch pie and the spider donuts. You can get as many drinks as you want though. So make sure you actually like the items on the menu if you're gonna commit to waiting 4 hours in line or you'll be disappointed.

Merch is sold out, unless you're willing to pay shipping fees - in person merch at the cafe store was completely sold out when I was there. Fortunately you can order it at the store for them to ship to your house so you can still get merch just not immediately. Unfortunately shipping fees can go up to over $15 so if you're buying stuff make sure not to end up breaking your bank.

Check the places to park - unless you're parking in a garage, most places around the block are limited to 2 hour parking, so if you're gonna be waiting 4 hours you should probably park in a garage or anywhere you can park for extended periods of time. There is a garage nearby where the max parking price is $12 (3 hours is already full price), so keep that in mind.

Sans and Papyrus are in the merch store - when you go into the cafe you'll see cut out figures of the characters. Toriel and Undyne were the easier to spot but if you're looking for the skelebros they are tucked away at the back of the merch store in a photo booth section. Not many people know they're there cos the photo booth is in kind of a inconspicuous spot but just fyi to people looking for them.

Go with a friend - standing in line by yourself in the sun for 4 hours for overpriced mini donuts/pie might sound like a dumb idea to anyone but going with someone makes it at least enjoyable. Bring a sketchbook, even some cards to play while you wait. Some people even brought chalk and you'll find remnants of Undertale, Deltarune and even Homestuck doodles all over the sidewalk. Was it worth the wait? I wouldn't say it was, but I definitely would have regretted it more if decided to not go. And if you are going alone, talk to the people there, everyone lining up there has something that you like too so make some friends while you're roasting in the sun together.

Hope this helps anyone who is thinking of going to the Undertale cafe. Remember to be safe, hydrate, and have fun. The Undertale event is run by the Requiem Cafe from September 15th to October 10th 2022.

[watcherscrown]

That post about Welsh food reminded me, do I have any Welsh followers/anyone with bg expertise in Welsh/Celtic/Irish/Scottish mythologies?

I am picking up an old writing project that I had set aside and re-reading it, I have realized (I started this in college) that it has a bunch of vaguely [BRITISH ISLES] mythology stuff kind of conflated and smashed together. Primarily with Irish mythology just because that's the thing I know the most about.

SO, as I go through an editing pass, is there anything SUPER obvious that an American writer should know? Mostly I'm dealing with the differences in culture between faeries, true names, second sight, superstitions, and that kind of thing. I know there's a lot of shared history and overlap but that's making it kind of hard for me to research! Literally any insight is appreciated, THANK U.

Summary of project under the cut, if that helps.

A woman-- whose name is Hiraeth, because her mom who is not actually Welsh unless you go generations back read it in a book somewhere and thought it was Pretty. As Hira grew up she started to get the cultural baggage and also feel weird about its general meaning and why would you name a child something like that-- (ANYWAY) Hira is going through a rough patch in her marriage. She's in her late 20s/early 30s and married to her college boyfriend. They dated for a long time but have only been married a few years. Her husband's, (Ryan), behavior has been pretty erratic, and he seems to be pulling away from her, away at odd hours, thinks their house might be haunted, and she thinks he's either had a total break from reality, or he's cheating on her or something.

Eventually he goes missing.

MEANWHILE, Hira is rekindling her childhood first love with a woman who goes by Honey but whose real name she doesn't even know. Because she's a fairy. Years and years ago they were summertime childhood friends, and then more than that, and then Honey disappeared. But now she's back right at the time when Hira's relationship is fracturing, and can foolishly fall back into Honey's arms. CONVENIENT. Honey is a very fastidious planner >;)

sabotage your relationship

steal your girl

disappear you

These things are all kind of subject to change but that's the bones of the thing. And I don't want to just sort of appropriate Welsh culture for an aesthetic, but the story is going to have a lot of themes of loss, nostalgia, longing, and making hard choices so I'd like to keep hiraeth as a general throughline. Hira is an autistic character and has always had an interest in and kinship with changeling stories. She feels like she doesn't fit and has a deep desperate longing for Somewhere but she doesn't know what that IS or even looks like. It's just not here. And then she meets Honey and it seems like maybe she can FILL that empty void but have you ever loved something so much that it hurt? And you know it's going to hurt you and you're going to lose it but you still choose it again and again and again like waves dashing against rocks on the shore? It's like that.

[i-willstealyourtoes]

had an idea last night, may be my last request for a while so I don't overwhelm you but I'll be online!

So maybe jacket, Jimmy, Houston and hoxton with a non-heister S/O who's super innocent, like doesn't get dirty jokes, so on, who also really likes soft fluffy stuff? Cuz like that's cute

Your writing is fantastic btw! Keep up the great work ♡

Hi! Tysm I really appreciate it <33 Also my requests are open now so u can send all your prompts :> Oh and I'm sorry that these might be shorter; I've been losing my momentum recently... 😭

Jacket, Jimmy, Houston + Hoxton with innocent/cute/civie s/o

Jacket

- I think he finds your innocence really refreshing, bc he's used to working with.... well the heisters

- They're not as innocent, as you are probably aware of

- But yeah, he kind of enjoys just having a cute and innocent s/o

- He's glad you haven't seen the horrors of the world

- But at the same time he feels bad bc

- What if he ruins it???

- Even if he isn't actually Jacket (as in, HLM/HLM 2 not being canon), he's still done a lot of... morally questionable things

- You're so nice and cute, he doesn't want to ruin your beautiful view on the world

- But at the same time... he's absolutely addicted to you

- Like everytime he hears you giggle, smile, or be cute... he can't get enough

- You know how people game because they need an escape? That's low-key him with you

- You're his comfort everything

- After a long day of hurting others, he just wants to see you

- Sometimes he'll just observe you

- Like... when your waiting at a park for your date, he'll just look at you for a little while before actually coming up to you

- It doesn't matter how silly goofy you are, he likes just seeing you interact with the world, in your cute clothing and your cute smile

- When he first met you, he thought your innocent demeanour was a facade

- BECAUSE HOW DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SEX JOKE SHSHBSHSNS

- 'Eh? What does... the eggplant emoji imply if not veggies?'

- Jacket just looks at you like 👁️👄👁️ 'how do you not know it means someone's DI-'

- (He did not say that)

- But still, he assumed you were just pretending to be that innocent

- Once he hung out with you more, he realized you really are just that dumb innocent

- I don't think he likes inviting you to the safehouse

- I mean, safehouse raids happen whenever so...

- Also he's scared the others might scare you or ruin your innocence

- He doesn't trust the others with you, especially alone

- WHAT IF THEY TELL YOU ABOUT THE SEX AAAAAAA-

- If you do ever hang out with the others, they always tease Jacket about it

- Especially Houston

- 'No offense, but why did you choose chicken little over there? He's so-OW JACKET WAIT OW-'

- No he did not kill Houston... I think

- Jacket feels that Houston's right, why him???

- He thinks of himself of like... 4/10

- You? To him, you break the scale 😊

- (In a good way, not in a 'you're worse than 0' way)

- You probably have to keep reassuring him that he's a 10 (or more) in your eyes

- (He thinks you're lying)

- (We're not Jacket, you're cool)

- Still, he can't help but smile when you're hugging him on the couch, telling him how much you love him

- The combo of hugging your cute form, along with your gorgeous voice...

- Those moments make him feel like he can't get any better

- Like... he's made it, he's made it to heaven

- He would, in a heartbeat, give up everything for your sweet soul

- All you have to do is go 'Please...?' and he'd probably gut a guy for you

- (He definitely would, don't ask him unless you actually want him to)

- He can't help but become a little fluffier with you

- The snuggles... get him every single time

- He just wants to pick you up and just-

- AAAAAAAAAAA HE LOVE YOUUUUU

Jimmy

- Bro... he... he love you so much

- Like... EEEEEEEEEE-

- Idk if I headcanon him as neurodivergent (idk if I even can, as a neurotypical person)

- BUT HE JUST-

- STIMMING EEEEE

- Whenever you snuggle with him or wear really cute fluffy clothes

- Flapping hands or something idk

- He... 🥺

- He's like 'bro my s/o is literally everything'

- Yes you are his new addiction moving on-

- He does call you his 'angel' most likely

- Most likely meaning you have a 90% chance-

- 'Hello angel.'

- CAN YOU HEAR HIM ACTUALLY SAYING THAT??? BC I DO

- OH and if he doesn't call you that??

- The other 10% he calls you something like 'sweetheart'

- NAH BO YOU MAKING ME SIMP FOR HIM NOW

- (For context, I did not really until this-)

- Always has his hands on you

- Not in a bad way??? Like he just always has an arm around you, or holds your hand or a hand on your thigh/waist

- No, it is not sexual (unless you show those intentions to him)

- I genuinely think that when he's really out of it, he actually thinks you're not real 😭

- Like he'll squint his eyes and all 💀

- Man's is like 'no way you're real, there's no way I must be trippin HARD'

- He will pinch you or feel your face to make sure you are in the physical form 💀

- It's either that or he asks you if you've seen his partner (you)

- Like wth????

- 'Hhhhey excuse- excuse me? H-have you seen a person about ehh.... yay-high-?'

- THEN HE GESTURES TO ABOUT A FOOT TALL GREMLIN WTH-

- It does not matter if you're crazy tall, he'll still do that

- '-they're like... SUUUUUPER cute... Like-like CRAZY amounts of cuteness. The kind of... AAWWWWWW A PUPPY cute, you know???'

- 'Babe, that's me-'

- 'WOAH I LITERALLY JUST TALKED ABOUT MY S/O HOW DARE YOU-'

- Bro he trippin-

- Please help him through these times okay he just took a little too much of the illicit pharmaceuticals

- When he snaps out of it, he has no embarrassment about it

- (Idk how, if I were him I would've dug my own grave after)

- OH RIGHT YEAH ABOUT YOUR LACK OF SEX JOKE KNOWLEDGE

- He does make sex jokes now and then, so he finds it kind of funny when you don't get them???

- Like 'haha your so stupid and cute I love you please marry me'

- (He has probably said this at one point in your relationship)

- Jimmy trying to explain 'adult jokes' to you is literally my source of comedy

- 'You see, it's funny because it looks like a PENI-'

- LMAO I AM CACKLING AT THIS-

- The idea of him explaining those kind of jokes while you're like '...?' to him so such a funny concept I love it

- 'What do you mean if it's rock hard you will be too? OH-'

- (Reference to this video)

- Anyways, he likes how cute and innocent you are, though unlike Jacket he'll probably have no issue telling you about funny innuendos-

Houston

- I think he didn't get it at first either????

- Like how... how do you not get the joke

- You're of legal age, HOW-

- He finds it kind of amusing though so he doesn't mind

- It's low-key his source of entertainment I'm ngl

- He's probably shown you funny sex jokes and asked you to explain

- 'Uh.... the eggplant emoji... is it like... a veggie joke?'

- Bruh.... what is with you and the eggplant smh

- Anyway, he finds it really funny and sort of cute???

- I think at first he found it a little annoying since he'd have to explain it?

- But now he just thinks it's comical

- As for you being cute???

- Bro.... he.... he loves you

- The cute fluffy vibes really got him

- I feel like he might prefer cuter s/os anyway?

- It's just.... the hugs omg

- He might act tough when you hug him

- BUT ON THE INSIDE HE IS... AAAAAA-

- The little smooches you give him

- Bro thinks he's blessed by the gods fr

- He does get a little red if you give him enough attention bc ofc he do

- 🍅 <- him rn

- Like he

- He...

- Girl (gender-neutral) I don't even know fr he's just down BAD

- Idk how to explain it... it's just he actually feels addicted to your existence

- The idea of him sitting down after successfully hitting a bank, with you snuggling into him

- Bros moved to tears at the thought (/jk)

- Also I feel like he'd brag about you

- AAAAAAALLLL THE TIME

- 'Yeah, you might have got more heads, but I'm the one with the angel here. So fuck you.'

- Bro just likes bragging oml

- ESPECIALLY with Hoxton because ofc he has to one up him all the time oml

- If he runs out of comebacks, he just picks you up and is like 'Well do you have this? No, you don't.'

- If you're up for it, he loves you more

- IF YOU BLOW RASPBERRIES AT HOX HOUSTON WILL FIND IT SO FUNNY LMAO

- 'Yeah, you tell it him babe.'

- If you'll allow it, he'd like to pick you up and help you with everything? He likes to feel like a big strong guy with his damsel/Prince so...

- If you don't like it, it'll take every fiber of his being not to help you so much

- He... he can't help it, he just wants to be there for you

- Maybe a little too much

- He loves you alot okay....

- If you're small too? He's gonna help you anyway whether you want his help or not

Hoxton

- EEEEEEE-

- Him when you're cute: :]

- He really likes to keep a hand on you like Jimmy?

- Hand on the waist or shoulder for him is a go to :>

- He will not hesitate to pick you up when you ask

- 'Alright, up we go-' or 'There, prince(ss).'

- He really enjoys doing this because he just.... it's just so fun okay-

- (Pick me up Hox I want to go uppys)

- Like Houston, he will probably also brag

- 'Hey wanker, look at this-' (then he just picks you up and kisses you, giving a middle finger to Houston)

- If you blow raspberries at Houston he will also gain +100 love for you

- Which is sort of impossible considering how he loves you infinity amounts already

- He LIVES for the cute fits you do bc like...

- Duh???? You slay???

- If you wear anything fluffy/with skirts he love you :>

- Wearing stuff like that gets you an extra chance at being picked up

- BC LOOK AT YOU

- VHHBSJSNSJSNSN-

- Anyway, he likes how innocent you are too bc????

- The fact you don't get some of these jokes are so funny to him

- Like... how do you not get them lmao

- 'Wait... so the eggplant emoji... isn't just indicating the vegetable???'

- (Nahhh not you with the eggplant omd)

- 'Ye-(is laughing) Yes babe, the eggplant emoji is not just a vegetable. What do you think it could be?'

- It doesn't matter if you understand it now, he'll still make fun of you for it

- Like he'll be shopping for groceries with you or something

- And if he finds an eggplant?

- 'Hey babe, what's this?'

- (Smh Hox stop the bullying)

- He really likes showing off all his achievements to you, knowing that you'll do the cute face (🥺/🤩)

- 'Yeah, then he took a shotgun to the face! The Dozer was fucked to begin with, anyway...choosing to fight me, of all people. What a dumbass cop....'

- Yes he likes to flex his muscles a little too okay

- If you marvel at them too? HSJSNSJAJJSHSHSHSJSJDJDJSJ-

- He... AAAAAAAAA-

- I think he has never loved anyone more than you

- Maybe money

- Okay maybe not money

- He thinks you're cuter :>

- I feel as if he would kind of... well not baby you, but definitely treat you like an deer that needs help 💀

- Like, if someone (probably Houston) broke their leg, he'd literally not care at all-

- 'Walk it off, bitch-boy.'

- If you bruised your leg? He's taking care of that first

- Both bc he knows you're a civ, but also bc he doesn't want his fluffy ball of sunshine to be hurt at all :'/

- 'Alright, you just sit here, I'll get something to treat that. HOUSTON MOVE OUT THE FUCKING WAY-'

- I swear, he's just here to love you, and hate Houston 😭

[suvidrache]

Tobi SFW Alphabet

age in bio when interacting. minors do not interact.

Word Count: 652 | Read it on AO3

A: Affection - How affectionate are they? How do they show it?

Tobi is very affectionate. He loves affection! He will give hugs, hold hands, run around, and sometimes compliment you.

B: Best Friend - What would they be like? How did it start?

He tells you anything and everything. It's as if he can't keep a secret. (He probably could. He just chooses not to). He probably found you first before you had found him.

C: Cuddles - Do they like it? How would they do it?

Yes, he loves cuddles. The position doesn't really matter as long as he's holding you or vice versa.

D: Domestic - Do they want to settle? Cooking, cleaning?

He probably never thought about it until you mentioned it. He can be a really good cook. Cleaning, not so much as he doesn't know what goes where.

E: Ending - How would they end things if they had to?

He would just vanish without a word. You'll never see him again. Unless you guys were truly close. He might leave a brief note and an apology.

F: Fiance - Do they want to marry/when?

Marriage would be something that you would have to bring up as he forgets about it.

G: Gentle - How gentle are they physically and emotionally?

Physically, he's quite strong and sometimes forgets his own strength. Emotionally, he is a sensitive guy.

H: Hugs

He loves hugs. He will wrap his arms around you and pick you up. It is never intentional. He's just so happy to see you.

I: I Love You

He would be the first to say it. Sometimes, it's random. Other times, it's after you said it.

J: Jealousy - How jealous are they? What do they do?

He's not jealous. He's usually oblivious to someone trying to win you over. If he does notice, he'll tell them off for trying to take you.

K: Kisses - What are they like? Where do they kiss?

He kisses anywhere. Sometimes, they're rushed. Other times, they're gentle.

L: Little Ones - How are they around children?

He is one with the children.

M: Mornings - How are mornings with them?

He's asleep during the mornings. So, your morning would be nice and quiet.

N: Nights - How are nights with them?

He is all over the place. As if he's drunk multiple cups of coffee. He can calm down, so it's not always that he's everywhere.

O: Open - When would they reveal things? How open are they?

He wouldn't reveal himself until he is sure that he can trust you. He doesn't want to be betrayed.

P: Patience - How easily angered are they?

He isn't angered. However, he loves to anger others in any way that he can.

Q: Quizzes - How much do they remember about you?

He remembers every single thing that you tell him.

R: Remember - Favorite moment with you?

The time that you guys started dating.

S: Security - How protective are they of you?

He seems to not be very protective of you. However, he can be very protective.

T: Try - How hard do they try with dates, etc?

He tries his hardest. He might make a few mistakes, or none at all.

U: Ugly - Bad habits of theirs?

Forgetting things and going from one task to another with no direction in mind.

V: Vanity - How concerned with their looks are they?

He doesn't really care. There are other things to worry about.

W: Whole - Would they feel incomplete without you?

Yes, he would feel as if something were missing from him. Even if he was the one to have left you. Your memory would still linger with him.

X: Xtra - A random headcanon about them?

The mask stays on while he's sleeping.

Y: Yuck - What are some things they dislike?

People who lie.

Z: ZZZ - A sleep habit of theirs?

He sleeps everywhere, or he sleeps as if he hadn't slept in weeks. No movement whatsoever.

© SUVIDRACHE — do not copy, translate, modify, or plagiarize my work. reblogs are appreciated!

Tag List: @eli-chris / Join my tag list here!

[thefinalwitness]

W-O-L for the ask meme ໒( ” •̀ ᗜ •́ ” )७

SILLY. THANK U!!

Witness: What do they consider the best thing they have ever seen? What would they most like to see in their life?

l'aiha is honestly always amazed by new places! having profound amnesia in her late 20s, a lot of 'normal' things feel brand new to her. she responds almost strangely to the first time she sees a forest, the mountains, the ocean...

i think one of the biggest scenery impacts she's experienced though is THIS.

it's called "the burning wall", located in eastern thanalan, and while the name predates the structure, the latter only came into being after the calamity (when l'aiha lost her memory). for those unfamiliar, it's basically crystallized, fire-aspected magic. it's the first 'scar' of the calamity l'aiha sees, and to this day it inspires an odd mix of hope and grief in her.

for a long time, the place she wanted to see was old sharlayan, but of course, we crossed that off the bucket list when endwalker launched! i think now, after traveling to ultima thule and back, l'aiha really wants to see other planets! she's FASCINATED by the world once again proving itself endlessly bigger than she thought it was, and knowing many of these planets are in turmoil, she does want to help too. she's a bleeding heart like that.

Organizer: How organized are they? Do they have any unusual organization systems? What would cause them to be uncharacteristically (dis)organized?

l'aiha is VERY organized, in a lot of the 'traditional' ways. alphabetizing, color-coding, things like that. her only "weird" organizing system is when she's actively in a project; her workspace would look cluttered or messy to others, but she has a very firm idea on where everything is, and most importantly, she can SEE it all. she tends to hyperfocus during projects, and so if she can't see a tool at all times, it might as well not exist. her brain just can't keep info like" it's in the drawer" or "behind the stack of papers" readily available unless the item is IN her line of sight.

depression, unsurprisingly, makes her disorganized. she's unable or unwilling to put things away in an orderly fashion, and is more likely to be unable to find things she wants even IF it's organized. again, this is kind of because she needs to be able to SEE items in this state of mind. it's too complicated to remember where things are when she feels depressed, sick, frantic, etc—so once she finds something, she's more likely to leave it out in the open where she can find it again. except... there's not quite the 'rhyme and reason' as she has when working. she'll put it somewhere, forget, and then struggle to register it's right in front of her. that's why this is disorderly even for her, and the cluttered workspace when she's hyperfixated isn't.

Lover: How do they show love? Do they love themself? Do they believe that all you need is love?

i think despite her trust issues, l'aiha loves A LOT. she tends to express this through encouragement, favors, reminders and recognizing when someone needs space. she's pretty good about not overstepping because she's paying close attention to the loved one in question; she picks up on verbal and physical 'tells' that help her to know when someone perhaps needs something they're not communicating. (example: my sister has a really specific sigh when she's out of social energy. hearing it, i know to wrap up whatever we're talking about so she can go rest.)

DOES she LOVE HERSELF... after endwalker? i think yes. i think it's not the bold or loud kind of self-love we might expect, but she very intentionally chooses her identity as l'aiha over sharlayan's memory of her as j'nhala; she stands firm in the notion that she is not j'nhala anymore and will never be j'nhala again. she advocates for her as l'aiha. she prefers this name, this identity, and will fight for it in any situation of particular importance to her—friends and so on.

for most of ARR through ShB, l'aiha isn't considering "l'aiha" as her real self. she's looking for who she WAS. but at the same time, she's experiencing everything AS l'aiha. it's her name, it's her identity, so much so that, unconsciously, at some point, "looking for herself" became "looking for someone else", because SHE'S l'aiha, and whoever she was before that isn't herself. she becomes conscious of this in endwalker, and i think that's when it really starts to look like self-love. l'aiha is no longer "a placeholder", it's who she is.

and BOY does she know you need more than love. love got her through everything, of course—she would not have made it, many times, without love—but love couldn't feed her as a refugee in ul'dah. it couldn't protect her from ifrit's fires. it couldn't cure her of the light corruption.

i think she believes "you need love, AND". you need love and food. you need love and help. you need love and etc etc etc. love, i think, is an essential ingredient to her—you won't make it with just the food or just the help either—but the two things cannot replace each other. you need both. you need love, and.

[kipperlillycopperkettle]

hiiihiiii i feel like i know less than i want to about your spyreverse thg au but i'm fascinated (and so glad i've inspired you to ask for questions about it-- its been so fun to get q's in about np <3) but !!! what is the moment/pov/section/idea you are proudest of for your au !!!! either smth you've written or smth you're excited about !! also also im so interested in who all this fic is centric on? i know you've referred to it as the bad kids thg au before but your tag is spyreverse specific? are the Seven in this also (fingers crossed?) other npcs or characters from pirol ??? idk how povs are working in your au- whether it's multi pov or just one/two but either way: how did you choose how to write pov/s for this fic !! if just one, why did you pic the person you chose; if multiple, how do u choose how to write which pov/s when ??!! xoxoxoxxoox and congrats on fellow huge long involved au <3333

this* fic is bad kids centric BUT because i am a menace, i have slotted a LARGE majority of the characters from fantasy high/the seven/pirates of leviathan into this universe! i went back and forth for a while on whether or not to make the seven tributes (which i didn't like because i wanted kristen and antiope to both be from district two and etc) or to make them have won the year before (which i didn't like because then i didn't have enough npcs to fill out the whole hunger games bracket, and then what do i do with characters like penelope who thematically would be fun to play with in either games, etc) and so i ended up splitting the difference and making it a quarter quell where the twist is that it's double the tributes (like haymitch's games in canon); though the games in the FIC are 75. because i felt like it lol.

so yes! the seven are here! the seven are actually up against the bad kids in the arena (sam is one of fabian's district partners! antiope is one of kristen's!) and there are SOOOOO many npcs in this fic <3 (i had to start a google doc with a quick summary of who was doing what in this au to keep them all straight which i may release as an npc guide after the fic is published!) unless i have made the active decision to not have a character in the au (chungedown bim is not here. because i simply do not want him to be) they're probably in the au! including npcs no one else cares about like tulwar from pirates of leviathan (he's one of the d4 mentors and also his dynamic with cathilda is SO important to me in this fic) and also talcidimir tallbreeze from the seven is the caesar flickerman esque figure <3

the pov thing is fun, actually, because i wanted to do a hunger games au. but i couldn't decide who won so i was just like. i will write all of the bad kids winning in slightly diverging timelines and each of the sections where they win will be from their pov (and somehow i thought this fic would only end up about 60k lol). i am also trying to write a few scenes from different povs during each larger section for a look at what's happening outside of the arena. so like midway through the adaine section, aelwyn (who is her mentor in this au) gets a scene and then a little bit later on, arianwen gets a pov.

i don't really pick per se; basically each of the bad kids has a section, which, aside from those two little out of arena povs midway through, follows them from the first important event in canon (eg: for some of them, it's the reaping for the seventy-fifth games, for fig, it's her first reaping, etc etc) until their arc wraps up (some point AFTER they win the games). for the out of arena povs that's a BIT more complicated, but usually it's just whoever's pov i feel like will be most significant/add the most to the story — so adaine has aelwyn and arianwen, but fabian has cathilda and halliariel (cathilda being, in this au, not his mentor but bill seacaster's).

*i say this fic because i DO have two prior to canon spinoff fics rotating in the back of my mind and also hanging out in my google docs that are a few thousand words each for sandra lynn and cathilda. i don't think either of those will get finished before the main fic but! they're fun and i like writing them! i think sandra lynn's is largely going to be about her thing with the adventuring party (a capitolite and his gamemaker wife in this au) and also her early romance with gilear and also her dynamic with her mentor, who is a signifcant figure in fig's section as well. cathilda's is both about her relationship with tulwar and also about her losing all of her children to the games. both of those spinoffs kind of spawned after writing their povs in the main fic and going, oh i want to explore more of [x character] in this au, so that's how i chose the povs for those two!

i'm pretty sure i switched to calling it the spyreverse thg au after i started the sandra lynn spinoff fic! bc the MAIN fic is the bad kids thg fic but the au is more encompassing y'know?

for how i choose to write which pov when: i just write whoever i feel like when i have inspiration! i write out of order so if i have a good scene idea for adaine, i'll write that one day, and then i might write a fabian scene the next day, and a riz one after that, and so on and so forth.

there's a lot i'm really excited about in this au: one of my favorite things about this au is getting to write dynamics that don't exist at all in canon (fig and max durden, who is one of her district partners; antiope and kristen; corsica and kristen, tulwar and cathilda), i love the fact that i got to take all of the listed canon names for aguefort teachers and turn them into interesting characters with fun dynamics (ellen fleetfoot the survival teacher my best friend), i love getting to write victor dynamics and this fic provides ample oppurtunity to write differing victor dynamics, but if i had to pick ONE scene/moment i'm proudest of, there's a scene after adaine wins where it finally hits her why aelwyn is the way she is that i just think is really striking. it was also one of the first scenes i wrote so it's just very dear to me <3

send me an ask about the spyreverse thg au!

[brattata]

AHH u dont know how happy i am to see an alphabet type of fic that isn’t exclusively nsfw, ty so much for doing something so nice!! may i request a matchup for jujutsu kaisen?

- i'm 18 & my pronouns are they/she, and i prefer men

- i space out a lot & tend to be quiet (not shy) but when i start talking i turn waay loud, i tend to dramatize small things but then have a stoic attitude towards big/unexpected stuff. i can be passive-aggressive a lot of times & show fondness by teasing/being a little shit. I plan a lot for the future and am internally organized.

- some positive attributes are: giving my undivided attention when listening (being quiet plays a huge role in this), my friends say i’m generous & go over the top when giving but definitely not with my food(unless i REALLY love u), i never lash out on anybody no matter the intensity of my emotions & distance myself before conversing, i’m pretty solid with keeping secrets & promises to others (not with myself tho-).

- negative attributes are: i overthink a lot & almost never share anything about it i can’t pry the energy out to explain most of the time, i’m generally very distant even when i’m in a good headspace and this often sends mixed signals, i’m very pessimistic, i have trouble opening up.

- i really love cooking & baking (biggest stress repellent), i often draw my recipes so it's easier for me to know what i’m making, i also read & write in my free time too!!

- i don’t have many dislikes but maybe not being listened to, and a dealbreaker would be if the person can get controlling bc i don’t like it when my plans/goals are disrupted.

- zodiac signs would be: gemini sun, aries moon, virgo rising, and gemini venus. and my love language is physical affection, quality time and absolutely spoiling with gifts!

- the letters i’ll pick would be: O, W, R

ty so much again!!

🦇 anon

You're very welcome, and thank you for joining the event! I've gotta admit, I do mostly write smut these days, but it's really nice to write some good old fluff sometimes too. ☺️

Anyway, I think you would pair really nicely with…

Inumaki Toge!

The quiet yet chaotic couple. 😽 You both choose your words carefully (in his case because he has no choice 😅) and are unexpectedly fond of being teasing little shits. You’re very attentive and he’s very experienced with non-verbal communication, so you’re able to understand each other even when other people can’t. He appreciates your organization and forward thinking, and finds your dramatic tendencies adorable. And even if he can’t easily say how much he cares about you, he’s a very reliable, loyal, and comforting boyfriend when you’re feeling especially pessimistic.

O is for On Cloud Nine

He’s not super outwardly expressive, so the changes brought by being in love are pretty subtle to someone who doesn’t know what to look for - especially since that high collar is pretty good for hiding a blush. It’s a good thing one of your love languages is physical touch, because that’s the easiest way for him to express himself - being near you as much as he can, resting a hand on your shoulder or waist, etc. Maki and Panda will obviously give him so much shit for hooking up with a senpai. 😂

R is for Romance

Since Toge can’t exactly spout poetry to you or even just simply tell you he loves you, he has to get creative with the romance. Maybe the next time you open your sketch pad to draw a new recipe, you’ll find a cute doodle he made of the two of you. Or maybe when you head back to your dorm room after a hard day of training, you’ll find a new book you’ve been wanting waiting for you on the night stand. He won’t ask, but he secretly thinks it would be very romantic for you to read aloud to him, since you also don’t share your voice with just anybody.

W is for Wild Card

You get your own safe word: “tenmusu (tempura shrimp)” which is roughly “I love you” or a general expression of affection/admiration for you. 😘

I hope you enjoyed the matchup! 🥰 Inumaki is so cute/badass. Cuteass? 🤔

[altairs-rambles]

I feel like everyone should have their ocs heard at least once SO DO TELL MORE I haven’t interacted with u that much but I may reveal who I am hehehe

∑(ﾟﾛﾟ〃) someone wants to hear about my OCs? Really?

I have many OCs (kinda) (not really)! I'll only talk about Enstars first bc much to say about each of them so this is gonna be a loooong ramble already!! I apologize in advance for my possibly incoherent essay(s)

First up, Kiyoko!

She used to be a Yuguysona back when I was in the NijiEN rabbithole, but bc I was too attached to her design to toss/scrap him, I brought him into the Enstars Universe! Kiyoko was meant to stay as like- my self insert/persona in Enstars? But they eventually kinda deviated from that and became her own character!

Uhhh as you can see I've been running around she/he/they for Kiyoko, and that's because he's gender fluid! Why? Because I am a mess about my own gender and creating/tweaking Kiyoko was a way for me to explore that area. Now they're my gender goals + I am very down bad for her ✨

Just like my other soon-to-be-rambled-about OCs, this blueberry is a very tragic little creature - she has one or two problems from my life mixed in with the hundreds of problems from the Ensemble Stars Universe. Relatively nice family, once bullied, has a friend in a coma, swings between being compliant to being stubborn, overthinks and overworks, is a very tired child... Yeah! The usual~ A third year student in Yumenosaki, who sneaked in as a male in the first year with the help of some teachers, but now others knowing she's afab doesn't get him kicked out either so 👏👏👏 went solo for a while before the mess in the war, so they picked up a teammate/friend by being weirdly philosophical and whimsical on the roof of the school 👍! Kiyoko is very passionate about the idea of freedom thanks to The War in Enstars aksnksnskd

What's ironic about him is that she's the leader of a unit whose theme is "freedom", yet mentally she's as free as a dove in an undersized cage. Kiyoko keeps going on and on about how people need the freedom to choose (as long as it doesn't harm others) and yet never gives himself that freedom due to fear of making another mistake that would snowball into a devastating consequence (see: friend in coma).

Anyway! We have very similar fashion sense/styles, which is over-the-top-accessorizing! I have no explanation for this other than: I really like earrings and chains and chokers and rings and boots and shiny silver bits and looking good in general! We both really like singing too, just that I have stage fright despite performing on stage for 10years (school). Aaaaand we're both sleepy babies we can and will curl up anywhere on the grass floor cement ground and sleep 😴

All these lead to funny little scenarios between her and other characters, mostly when they randomly trip over him/catch her knocked out in the middle of hallways (all these scenarios happened in my head).

Um. I think that's it for him sorry it's so long for the first one orz

Oh one more thing! I suffer from being a Kiyoko fan bc I'm the only source of art for them but I have little to no motivation to draw 😭

Aaaaand that's a wrap! Next one, Ai!

(apparently her file isn't on my phone so I only have her picrew + pencil drawing)

Sunshine of Kiyoko's unit, Wing5! Formerly a solo idol who failed after debut, she was scouted out by New Di/Kiyoko/Tsumugi to be part of Wing5. She's a strong vocalist, often pairing with Kiyoko to take on the melody of their songs, hence the ship name "Songbirds" (That ship is like fan speculation? It's not entirely canon unless I want it to be)

In terms of appearance, Ai and I look the most similar thanks to our front bangs ✨ Her hair is all purple, she just dyed her side bangs to match her eyes! Also since every OC has a piece of their creator's soul, she has my extroverted side! She's a bumbling 20 year old or so - think "wine aunt" vibes!

Ai's actually very insecure though, due to her failure as a solo idol. She may be cheeky, but she's very sensitive to others' emotions and tries her best not to push them to the limit in case they decide to abandon her because of whatever antics she's up to, or because she's not good enough. Imposter syndrome too, maybe?

I think she needs to be babied more she's always taking care of others... Mom of Wing5™️ old

Next! Uhhhh what was her name... Yurika!!

Resident tryhard emo and chronically online child, her strength lies more in marketing, video editing etc. more than performing onstage! Despite being paired with Akari (who will be rambled about next) due to her dance, Yurika is more widely recognized as Wing5's rapper.

She's the shortest in Wing5! ++ An albino, which is why all Wing5 performances are usually done indoors/at night outdoors to prevent aggravating her condition (I opened so many tabs for this but I've forgotten so much I'm sorry if anything isn't accurate). Her left eye is also affected by... Something which the name I can't remember- it affects albinos and causes their vision to be blurry, even with glasses. Yurika just needs glasses in general bc she has been sitting in front of the PC for so long sknskdnd

Our similarities... Being online like 24/7? She has a worse sleep schedule than me though bwahahaa ✨ We both also melt. Like. Absolutely melt into nothingness whenever we're presented with affection. (At least I think I would...?)

Her ship with Akari is. Canon. I will not hear arguments I created them!! 🙉 They've been traveling/living together for a few years before Wing5, when Yurika was 15 and Akari was 18, bc their families are close friends and Yurika's family decided it was time to kick her out of her dark gloomy room to see the world with Akari, who was going around Japan to look for jobs as a dancer! When Akari landed a job, they had to continue travelling to follow the idol around on his/her concerts as a backup dancer, and Yurika stuck with Akari throughout the years until they landed in Wing5~ it's like the "omg they were roommates" situation! She's very prickly with everyone else aside from Akari, especially Kiyoko bc they have severely clashing opinions from time to time lmao

Bonus: She uses her name as a pun for "Eureka" so it sounds like "this is an Eureka moment!" but it practically means 'this is Yurika's moment!'

I never thought I'd say so much about Yurika but I will speak more about her in the next ramble about her wife girlfriend, Akari!

Heads up, Akari's transfem! She transitioned before + during her travels with Yurika, but doesn't feel completely female? An imbalanced in-between, like a tomboyish girl! And that's why she's the tallest in Wing5, bc hormones- By male standards, she's softer and more feminine, but by female standards she's a little too masculine. Gender who?

Tragically, she doesn't have a family other than her little brother (to be rambled about next), whom she is very protective about. She was taken care of by Yurika's family until 15 when she moved to school dorms while her brother remained with Yurika's family, then after graduation she came back to bring Yurika around Japan at her family's request.

They do return Yurika's feelings towards them, though Akari needed time to sort her own emotions out after Yurika's confession because they had never really thought of having a partner? Akari just felt comfortable and safe and at home with Yurika, that's all. So yeah they were disaster gays at some point before officially starting their relationship as lovers!

Akari is really hostile towards Kiyoko, though she displays it mostly in a passive-aggressive way. Why? Bc they blame Kiyoko for what happened to her little brother 😔 Will be explained soon!

Akari's name used to be Akira! This is a coincidence that it happens to be the Enstars story writer's name, I didn't know until a while after creating Akari 😅

Next, Hikari!

<tbc sorry i gotta go celebrate CNY TwT> I will be back soon~

[howtosurvivehighschool]

Friends 😍🍄

First off, since you are on tumblr, im taking it you dont have many friends. Unless u googled “how to survive highschool” and sadly found this blog. I might make this poor insufferable blog an instagram, cuz who the fuck still uses tumblr.

For now though, we have this…

Friends , they are good people who with u share most of your values, and food.If you have 3 massive friendgroups like me , or only 3 friends these little tips will still make life easier. Cuz lets be honest, friends are alot of work.

Tip 1: Dont choose sides

THEY ALWAYS HAVE TO DISAGREE ON SOMETHING, its so fucking annoying. Wether its communism or capitalism, or if that cloud looks like a frog or a bag of voodoo dolls, theres always a disagreement. If you are that friend that always sides with one friend, or if your the one who can never agree , shut the fuck up. Nobody cares if soy- or wholemilk is better. No matter whos side is right or wrong, u always loose relationship points with the losing party, its a fuckup no matter what. Instead be the mediator, or make another disagreement.Tell them that u think the cloud looks like ur teachers ass , oatmilk is the better milk and you think socialism is the way to go. Just dont pick a side, its icky, annoying and brings no value to your discussions.

Tip 2: Dont tie yourself down

Your friends will grow apart from you, i can tell you this with certainty.So make more than just 1 friend. Cuz one day they might betray you or call you a useless bitch with a lazy eye and dump you. You need safety nets or other options if your friends decide you’re not good enough anymore, or they’re just sick and cant go to school for a week so you are all alone. Thats just sad. Get more than one friend or you will feel alone at some point.

Tip 3: Bros before hoes

This is the dumbest rule, but its not wrong.idc what gender you identify as and what gender u want, friends should come first. Yes your s/o wants you all to themselves and you want them to be yours, but your friends are just as important. Don’t abandon them so that you can get funky with ur new fuckbuddy , this is highschool not your mid-30’s . Keep a balance between your friends and ur s/o or one of them will feel fucked over.

Tip 4: Keep a balance

This is like being a spiritual girl or political person, you need to keep it balanced. If you fall too far for the 1 side you get fucked. So keep your friendgroups balanced, its good to be friends with the preppy stuck ups at school and then to chill with the local rogue emos after. You can see more perspectives, lifestyles , personalities and just generally learn more if you associated with more people. Or else youll end up peaking in highschool like the aunt who doesn’t stop talking shit about you to her hairdresser or end up a meth addict like that uncle who disappeared when you were 5. Try and be friends with everyone, even if either groups hate eachother.

Tip 5: Sanitise the virus’s

If any one doesn’t support you in being yourself, cut them off. If you end up making a mistake they dont have to care about you , and if their just a narc trying to control you , you get to be free. Its healthier for both of you to have some space. You dont have to cut everyone off who disagrees with you , just dont keep the ones who keep shitting on your fun.

[nialltlynch]

Mid-Year Book Freakout

@flitwickslittlebrotha tagged me so i gotta, thank u bee 💖💖

Best Book You've Read So Far in 2022?

cheating and saying our wives under the sea for how indelibly kk it was and also the locked tomb series for being. oh my god how to say...... well, all of that (reverent)

Best Sequel You've Read So Far in 2022?

harrow! thee! ninth! fuck!!!!!!!!!!!! that book!!!!!

New Release You Haven't Read Yet, But Want To?

i literally have no idea what was released this year but uhhhhh didn't ocean vuong release a new poetry collection? is the last book in the founders trilogy out yet ?? one of those probably.

Most Anticipated Release For Second Half of 2022?

off the top of my head: greywaren, the atlas paradox, and nona the ninth. actually.... those are the only ones im aware of being released.

Biggest Disappointment?

not really a dissapointment but i was very glad to be finished with speak easy not because it was like. bad per se. but it was a bit of an uphill trek to get through it.

Biggest Surprise?

negative space!! i went in knowing nothing at all and was enthralled.

Favourite New Author?

i don't know about favorite but i'm keeping an eye on julia armfield, catriona ward, and tamsyn muir

Newest Fictional Crush?

literally all the bitches in the locked tomb series...... i cannot choose just one. but ooooh the tridentarii. ooga booga

Newest Favourite Character?

if i had to play this by the rules and pick just one: harrowhark nonagesimus 🥰🥰

Book That Made You Cry?

negative space. i was in such a weird, overly emotional headspace when i read it so it really got to me okay?

Book That Made You Happy?

wowwwwww i am looking through the few book i've read this year and none of them are all that lighthearted or fun reads that make you feel good. whoops! closest is probably smoke gets in your eyes which was fun and kind of brainless (pun not intended..... punintended)

Favourite Book Adaption You Saw This Year?

i don't know that i've watched any (new) book adaptions this year but hey listen did you know that the movie drive (2011) featuring ryan gosling (you know with the scorpion jacket and the stunt moves) was based on a book?? i was unaware. i got the book and flipped through it and unless the author, who appears to be a well known pulp writer to begin with, was doing a tongue in cheek satire-esque thing then it was bad and i have no interest in reading it :))

Favourite Review You've Written This Year?

i don't usually write review but look at this lol

Most Beautiful Book You Bought So Far This Year?

hehe..... :^)

What Books Do You Need To Read By The End of The Year?

idfk bro give me some recommendations. i haven't read anything all month. blahh.

[monstrousdanger]

I think as a past teacher the one thing that bothers me is that no one is taught how to give proper feedback outside of the education field. Whether it's at work or online, I see so many people providing "helpful critiques" that sound or read too much like bullying. I know people are going to fight me on this or claim that I'm a soft-bellied lizard, but just hear me out.

Before launching an assault on someone's work, consider what they are already doing well. Have they improved in tasking or time management? Did they write a line in their work that tugged at your heartstrings? Do they provide excellent customer service or work well in teams? Acknowledge it. Tell them what they are doing right BEFORE you tell them what they are doing wrong.

After the good, comes the tougher pill for people to swallow. When you are giving somebody a tip, use a tone of voice that makes them feel less like an imbecile. Nobody likes being told they are doing something wrong - don't make them feel worse adding even an ounce of the annoyance you may feel in the moment. Instead, keep a neutral tone and choose words and phrases that are directed towards the person's behavior, NOT their personality, ambitions, attitude, or past. Similarly, Don't make inferences based on the behavior. If someone is moving slowly at their job, our first thought is usually "they're lazy." Maybe they are, or maybe they weren't appropriately trained to complete the task they were given. Either way, the point is YOU DON'T KNOW. You are not telepathic (unless you are, which creepy) and the moment you take on that role, your goose is well and truly cooked, so stick to reporting the tangible facts. Consider using a phrase like "I noticed x, perhaps consider trying x."

When you are giving a critique, pick ONE thing that you would like to see the person change. We are all human and therefore inherently flawed, which is weirdly exciting because we get the opportunity to learn from our mistakes. That can be a tough mindset to take though if you just got back an essay covered in correctional red ink when you spent weeks writing it. As a teacher, I found myself at the helm of a red pen marking up my students' writing until there was no whitespace left to cover, and guess what? For a large percentage of my students, their writing never changed, but their attitude did. They were far less motivated to take chances and get creative knowing they were probably going to get everything wrong. So I switched up my tactic. Instead of impulsively marking up every mistake I could find on the page, I would pick a consistent trap that they would fall into and have them working on fixing that first. If they forgot to capitalize letters or include periods in their sentences, we would start there. That's an easy, specific goal they can place on a sticky note and reference when they read over their writing later. Find that one thing that could help improve someone's work and start by clearly explaining what it is that needs to change, showing what you want to see, and then following up with any further corrections to mastering this new skill.

Lastly, talk to the person and create a plan. If you are reviewing someone's art online, consider reaching out in a comment or DM to provide the person with poignant exemplars or resources that can further their journey. Personally, I am a visual person, so I always appreciate when someone provides me with a checklist, written reminder, or resource that I can reference later. Consider providing similar materials that will help remind them of their goal in a format that works best with their learning style. At work, sit down and create a step-by-step process with your employee on how to keep growing, allowing for their input. They most likely know what they need to do for themselves to make the corrections, and if they don't you can be there to provide them with some ideas. At the end of the day, advice may given freely but not received willingly. It is therefore up to the individual to take your word or not, because it's their life.

Above all, stop and consider how their behavior has made you feel. If their behavior has impacted you negatively, consider breathing, walking away, or journaling before engaging in the conversation to avoid saying something more harmful during the feedback process. This is not a soap opera, keep the drama between whatever fictional characters you moon over at night.

There is of course, the other extreme where someone provides ONLY the good stuff, but holds back on any valuable insights that could help that person grow. As a musician working in the industry since I was seventeen years old, I have had my fair share of verbal abuse and other objects (including a smashed violin) hurled my way. That is to say I can take a little jab at my work from the local internet goblins, because it never hurts as much as what goes unsaid. Humans are not islands, we can only grow and prosper so much on our own before we need to reach out and ask for some help. If someone asks your honest advice, give it to them with professional courtesy. If the tip is unsolicited but needs to be stated, go ahead and say it, but please, for the love of cheese and crackers, do not be a self-righteous ass about it. At the end of your own words is another living, breathing human being with very real doubts, fears, and emotions that you need to keep in mind. Feedback and criticism is meant to be helpful, pushing people and industries further, but can easily be wielded maliciously.