#solmare sucks

[h2llish]

i'm scared of asmo's tag i don't wanna go anymore

[12am-motivation]

GIVE US A BREAK SOLMARE THE OMNB ANNIV EVENT JUST ENDED 😭

[averageradstudent]

somebody hold me back before i get violent

[doodlboy]

Turning the obey me men into my ocs they don't belong to solmare anymore

[misc-obeyme]

Okay, friends & followers.

I think I jumped the gun and inadvertently caused some concern but ngl I got spooked.

Just please remember that I DO NOT know why these things have happened. Remember that Solmare is a corporation & has laws to abide by & likely an entire legal department. I don’t think they did it just to be shitty.

Although it’s tempting, I shall not get on my capitalism destroys creativity soapbox lol.

I appreciate everyone who followed my main - I see you guys! But tbh I don’t think there’s anything to worry about. I’m pretty sure this is about data mining or perceived data mining & all I ever do is write so. I should be okay.

It sucks that it happened & I wish there had been a better way to resolve things.

In the meantime it’s always a good idea to back up your stuff because the internet is a cruel mistress! Here’s a post I saved back when we had the Tumblr skeleton crew scare that tells you how to download your entire blog. I haven’t tried it yet & there may be other options for such things, but there it is for those that may wish to save their stuff.

[arklayraven]

Used some saved ap and such to try to get to this point at least.

I think I should be able to get the card at least by the time the event ends, even if its just getting points from one chapter alone.

[xiao-lantern]

mammon i will do you justice for your birthday this year because s*lmare refuses to. i will treat you better than shallwedate ever has just you wait

[cnl0400]

There's going to be an Sonic x Shadow panel at the AX.... Agh!!

[twinksrepository]

A smug morning

Rating: 18+

Pairing: Lucifer X F!Reader

CW: Smut, Lazy mornings, Fingering, creampie, delayed orgasm, multiple orgasms, implied drinking, implied rough sex, tender sex, jealous, possessive

Word count: Roughly 2K

A/N: You wake up naked in Lucifer's bed, and he decides to seduce you. Too bad you fell under his spell a while ago.

Also known as I felt like writing some lazy morning smut.

Images belong to Solmare.

You feel nice and toasty warm, the weight of the fabric covering your body just enough to give that sense of contentment. The glide of smoothness from the material as it shifts is the first thing you notice as you slowly come to awareness. 

The haze in your mind is comforting as it clears after a well deserved night of rest and your senses start to take notice of your surroundings. The rise and fall of your chest as you breathe deeply, the vaguest scent of cologne from the night before lacing the air. Just under that, a layer of something that reminds you of oak permeates the room formed by the occupant and the length of time he’s occupied the space.

You hear the sound of even breathing, the loudest noise in the room lacking any form of time keeping devices aside from the two phones. A creek of the wooden slates of the bed under the mattress, his inhales louder as the tip of his nose brushes against the shell of your ear. 

The warm wash of his exhales along your skin makes you shiver as a line of goosebumps forms along your shoulder. The point of your tongue slipping past your lips to moisten the dry cracked skin, tasting tartness from the demonus you had shared before going to bed last night. 

Blinking your eyes open and spotting the bottle and empty glasses on the table. An explanation of the slight burn at the back of your throat, the two of you drank the entire thing. A soft noise escapes past your lips as you arch forward to stretch your back, a few pops and cracks that seem so much louder than they are. Prompting a low rumble from the figure behind you, his warm palm sliding from your hip to your stomach and upwards along your skin before stopping in the center of your chest. A slight pressure against the hard mass of your ribs so your back is in contact with his chest once more. Followed by a shift of his hips, and something hard rubbing against your bottom. 

You let out a soft chuckle, feeling his fingers spread and brush against the skin of your breasts. If he was trying to pretend he was still asleep any chances of you believing that deception are long gone. Lifting your arm behind your head at an awkward angle to brush your fingers along his neck. “Good morning.” A rasp from the lack of use from your slumber, one that like always will be gone once you speak a little more. 

“Morning.” His deep voice echos just under your ear, another shiver as his teeth drag lightly against the column of your throat. His lips planted soothing quick kisses along the path he just made. 

“I think we passed out last night.” 

“Hmmm” A noise of agreement as his mouth keeps moving, trailing down to your shoulder while his arm that had been under your neck worms under your body to replace his hand on your chest. 

“You’re so talkative this morning.” Letting your arm fall into a more natural position behind you, sliding your fingers down the firm muscles of his side until you reach his butt and give it a squeeze. 

“I’m trying to seduce you.” Trailing his fingers downward along your stomach to the apex of your thighs. “That doesn’t require me to speak.”

You laugh while your heart feels light inside your chest. “I’m naked and in your bed Lucifer. I think that counts as having successfully seduced me.” A long inhale as his fingers ghost over your folds, close enough to feel the heat from them without touching the skin. A tease. 

“You being in my bed isn’t enough.” Nipping at the junction where your neck connects to your shoulder before he sucks harshly and you let out a gasp, arching to let him have more access to the tender flesh. “I want you panting from my touch.” Guiding his mouth higher, brushing his lips along your pulse point with thin strands of his salvia breaking against your skin. “Writhing as I make you squirm.” A series of wet strokes as he laps at the area where he can feel your heart beating in your neck, noticing the increased tempo of the muscle as it pulses. “Hearing you moan my name while I’m inside you.” 

“That.” You whisper, trying to turn your head to catch his crimson gaze “Sounds like a lovely start to the day.” Tilting your head more and Lucifer lifts his lips away from your neck, his whole body shifting behind yours to kiss you properly. It’s slow and sensual, building the fire in your core in tandem with his fingers brushing along your weeping folds. 

A soft whine that he swallows down, pulled from your body as two of his fingers slip inside your sex. Curling them to press against a cluster of nerves that makes you break from the kiss to pant. “That’s a good start.” Pleased with himself, Lucifer starts to pump and curl his fingers faster, as if planning to make you cum on his fingers. 

“Luci-fer” A broken moan as your hand grips the muscles of his butt harder, your hips starting to rock as you chase his fingers. 

“Just like that.” Mouthing at your neck once more, using the point of his tongue to trace the cords of muscle standing out as you arch your head back. The burning in your core grows hotter from his touch, scissoring his fingers before adding a third. A noise like he’s pleased with you, his breath washing against your damp skin makes you shake in his hold. 

“Close~” Shutting your eyes as you focus on the movement of his mouth, his sharp teeth dragging over your pulse while his fingers flick inside your walls. Curling his hand to brush the edge of his thumb against your clit. Panting his name like it’s a mantra. 

Only to let out a choked sob as he rips his fingers from your core just before you can tip over that edge, his lips a hair breath from your skin. The hand on your chest keeps you still while he smears the slick from your core along your hip. “Not yet.” Teasing you with his voice, aware that denying you now means you’ll just come harder for him. 

As you feel that inferno inside you cool, Lucifer brushes his hand over your hip in small circles waiting for your breathing to even out. “Two out of three” whispered against your ear once you were no longer shaking in his hold. 

“Should I” Stopping to lick your lips as your words took your own breath away. “Should I roll over?” As much as your skin has cooled, the thought of him above you snapping his hips into yours with his eyes narrowed while he watches his length disappear inside your warm walls makes the fire in your core spark once more. 

“No.” Sliding his palm down your leg before slipping under your knee and starting to lift upwards. “I want to take you like this.” It's a tantalizing thought, the idea of him fucking you from behind and your body held tight in his embrace makes your head swim. Releasing your hold on his ass to grab the inside of your knee, keeping your legs open for him. 

“Such a good girl.” A quick press of his lips to the space just under your ear, clenching around nothing from the praise. A slight jolt when his knuckles brush against your pussy, while you can’t see it, you know he’s lining his cock up with your opening. You can picture his length, hard with a few prominent veins, the tip red and shiny from the pre cum that seeps from the slit. A noise of pleasure laces the air with an unconscious slide of your tongue over your bottom lip. “Now to give my good girl her reward.”

Guiding his tip between your folds and sinking as deep into your warmth as the position allows, both of you moan as he breaches your body. Like this, he can’t snap his hips, or sink as far into your slick channel, yet the position is intimate with your bodies tightly together. A gentle sway of his hips, his hand serving as a barrier to keep his dick inside your walls with his shallow thrusts. 

“So good.” Moaning as the orgasm you had been denied already has you near the edge, rolling your neck to try and coax him into a kiss. A brush of his lips before the kiss deepens, gliding his tongue along the inside of your mouth. Just as he starts to flick your clit with one of his fingers. It’s different, but still has your body thruming with the beat of your heart. A mewl low in your throat, a verbal signal to him that you’re close once more. 

This time he doesn’t stop. Lifting his lips away to watch you come undone for him with a low call of his name as your walls clench around his cock as if trying to suck the rest of his length in and milk his balls dry. It’s one of Lucifer’s favorite sights, the way your eyes flicker as you fight to keep them from shutting, the way creases along the corners of your eyes form as your body is flooded with chemicals from your release. The way your jaw goes slack after a moment when you decide to succumb to the pleasure racing through you instead of trying to hold it back. The visible pulse of your heartbeat in your neck as the muscle races to pump blood through your relaxing form, it makes his own mind reel. 

He’s far from done, waiting for you to come down from your high before he starts to move again. Pulling several more orgasms from your body between his soft praises and lingering kisses. At night, he fucks you to the point of breaking you. Reminding you who you belong to with the snap of his hips, your hands bound to keep you from trying to caress his body and distract him. Once in a while, he gags you to keep you from breaking his focus with your cries of his name. A rough lover you can’t get enough of.  

The mornings, however, are for long lingering touches when the mood strikes him. A reminder that as much as you belong to the avatar of pride, he also belongs to you. A possessiveness he wishes you showed a little more when it came to him. As selfish as he is, he knows he can’t keep you to himself when his brothers also vie for your attention. A concession on his part, but they are his brothers and he’ll allow some lenience when it comes to them. 

It’s the other demons of the Devildom that get under his skin when it comes to you. The way they try to be coy when speaking to you in the halls of RAD, the offers for coffee at the newest cafe, and similar dates that seem to come at you from all directions. The piles of so called confessions that pour from your locker when you open it. It makes part of him rage inside of him because his own pride stops him from proclaiming you’re his. That a demon like him could wind up so desperate for a human. 

Instead, he contents himself by flooding your core with his cum. His voice low as he whispers against your ear. “The idea of all those demons flirting with you today, unaware of my seed dripping from your core. It does something to appease my ruffed feathers at them thinking they can take what’s mine.” Grinning wide aware you can’t see the smirk that bares his namesake sin. “I’m well aware that they could never succeed in seducing you from my side, but it’s fun to watch them try. Knowing you’re thinking about me when your core twinges, as your skin grows flush at the thought of being under me again.” 

You let out a small noise before shaking your head at his antics. “You’re not wrong Lucifer, but I sweat sometimes you’re over the top.” 

Laughing as he gives your body a swat before removing his softening length from your core. “I am your top after all.” Rolling to slip off the side of the bed with a swagger in his step. “I did tell you once every bottom deserves the right one did I not?” 

“You’re never gonna let that go are you?” He just keeps laughing as he heads for his private bathroom instead of answering you. 

Back to Masterlist

[opiopal]

I need to ramble a little about this,

about how solmare makes mc in canon pisses me off sometimes. like how easily they can just let themself be cruel and mean to the brothers and other characters. I can't be the only one who gets BAFFLED seeing the options of either be mean or be meaner when it comes to chats or lessons.

and I dont mean "boo hoo i cant take a joke:(((", I mean the fact that Mc constantly joins in on teasing other characters. like, ik mc doesnt have to be a sweet mary sue all the time, and they can have personality, but the whole "we love mc because they are kind ad caring" thing falls apart when we as the players aren't able to let Mc BE KING AND CARING.

the thing it: I got HYPED when I saw we could slap lucifer after he saves us from his damn dog for the first time, because that fucker NEEDED to be hit after all the shit he did. HOWEVER. when there are options to drag down asmo, or mammon, or levi, or ANY of the brothers for NO reason at all and it sucks, they could be minding their own business and all of a sudden mc is given the choice to be like "haha mammon you really are a scum bag" or "asmo I dont like you and you aren't attractive at all."

also, mc isn't even given the option to flirt back with or be romantic with the brothers as often as lucifer. I wouldn't be surprised if lucifer was randomly like "remember when we got married mc" when the player is actively dating literally ANYONE else than him. like seriously, I'll be pushing so hard to have a single flirty message with mammon, and lucifer over here is randomly alluding to mc and him doing the devils tango for 5 hours straight in the library out of the blue.

I personally get frustrated because in game mc is so different to my own mc, which obviously it will be hard to have everyones mc be accommodated and I am aware of that, but can't we have more dialogue diversity when it comes to mc? as in like, a max of four different things. be sassy, be nice, be a little mean, be timid, that kind of stuff. I have it so then my mc doesn't have a single mean bone in their body. they are in anyone and everyones corner. they are 100% someone you could go to for support! someone who is kind and patient!! HOWEVER. they will still call people out, just because she cares about someone does not mean she'll lie to them and tell them the bad thing they did was right. truly caring for someone means being honest with them no matter if the truth hurts or not. so sometimes I do actually appreciate the chance to be a little straight forwards and a bit brutally honest at times! but I still want the chance to tell the brothers to stop picking on mammon, or to tell lucifer to leave belphie alone and that he can't help but be tired, or to tell anyone at all to stop picking on luke, or literally ANYTHING that doesn't lead to a character being targeted by another person they love/care for.

YES. they are demons. they are clearly used to being nasty and mean. and yes they are BROTHERS, and siblings are nasty to each other(trust me, I know. I'm the second youngest of four. I get it.). but that doesn't mean they should have to handle arguments and belittlement from the only people who understand who they are as a person.

idk, it just angers me to think about Mc easily being able to hurt the brothers emotionally and physically just because they felt like it.

[lucifersdickriderdotnet]

Emergency Contact

Summary: Having siblings sucks. Having siblings who are constantly getting into life threatening situations is worse. 5.9k words.

Disclaimer: as usual, if they're ooc no. uhm. Diavolo and Barbatos are here and they are referred to as Lucifer's boyfriends but it's in like a fun jokey teasing way that siblings do. except Lucifer actually is dating Diavolo in my head so. asmo and solomon ARE dating because I want them to be. maybe next time I'll make solomon date satan. you can only call a man a cute kitty so many times before people get ideas. if you couldn't tell by the title and the summary, people get #sick and break their #bones. oh. there is one (1) cannibalism joke. not demoncest just bros being bros.

Notes: this took so long because I've never written a decent ending in my life and i spent two days on it. also that anon really pissed me off for some reason idk. if you don't like how anyone is characterized write your own fanfiction man idk. solmare doesn't even have consistency with this nonsense. Lucifer is nice to his brothers in this because I want him to be. amen.

It’s a little known fact that Lucifer is everyone’s emergency contact. When it comes to those he cares about, he is protective, almost annoyingly so. So, it makes sense that the person who knows everything about everyone should be in charge if something goes awry. His phone hardly ever rings for emergencies, half because his brothers’ manage to get themselves out of trouble through a series of convoluted and confusing hijinks and half because most of them would rather eat nails than call him to tell him something is wrong. He’s even Barbatos’ emergency contact, despite the fact that Barbatos has never been sick or injured.

When his phone does ring, though, it’s almost always because someone has managed to damage themselves beyond repair, which is why he’s staring at the caller id on his D.D.D. like he can make it stop ringing if he glares hard enough.

“Lucifer Morningstar speaking,” it hadn’t stopped ringing and Diavolo had almost reached across the table to answer it for him.

“Hello this is Devildom General Hospital. We received a patient today and your name was on his–”

“Who.” It comes out dull and flat. He’s gripping his fork so hard he can hear the metal squeak.

“Excuse me?” The demon on the other end of the phone sounds perfectly polite but Lucifer is already so strung out all it does is grate his nerves.

“Who are you calling for?”

“Mam–”

“I’ll be right there,” he’s standing up in a hurry, grabbing his jacket off the back of his chair and ignoring Diavolo’s many questions as he leaves their dinner.

“Sir, if you’ll just–” he hangs up before the nurse can say anything else.

-

Mammon managed to break a bone or two in a scuffle he won’t tell Lucifer the details of.

“Do you know how hard it is to break a femur, Mammon?” Lucifer is gripping the steering wheel of the car so hard he’s surprised it hasn’t snapped in half.

“Pretty damn hard, all things considerin’.” Lucifer exhales sharply out of his nose and looks at his brother from the corner of his eye. He’s staring out of the window, and the white of his hair is dirty with mud and something red that Lucifer knows didn’t come out of his skull but worries him regardless.

“Mammon, this isn’t something to joke about.”

“I know,” he taps the hard cast of his leg with a bruised knuckle, “‘m the one with the broken bones.”

“If you know why are you doing it?” Lucifer can’t stop his voice from raising a few decibels towards the end of his sentence and has to mentally count to ten to not start screaming.

“‘Cause I just got the shit beat outta me ‘n’ I don’t wanna listen to yer lecturin’.” Mammon finally turns his head to stare at Lucifer and the elder looks away from the road for a second to meet his eyes. It’s not often that Mammon genuinely argues with him, not often that Mammon gets mad enough to let the blue of his eyes light with fury. Whatever happened tonight was not something that he wanted to happen, and it’s not something he needs a scolding for.

There’s a tense silence where Lucifer sighs and then flicks the turn signal, sliding across the lanes of traffic to take Mammon somewhere else before they go home.

“Did you win?” He’s pulling into Madame Screams’ drive through when he asks.

“‘Course I did.”

“Good.”

They both silently agree not to tell the rest of them about their little pit stop, and it’s as Lucifer’s pulling into the garage that he turns to his brother.

“Mammon.” A hum sounds from the passenger seat. “Next time, call me yourself. I don’t want it to be the hospital unless you’re physically incapable of talking.”

“Roger that.”

—

Lucifer is not known as the most comforting of his brothers. The six of them tend to rely on each other for that, going to Mammon or Beel if they have emotional troubles. Lucifer, as the oldest, is good for cleaning up messes. Putting things back together and making it look like nothing was ever amiss in the first place. It’s his job to protect them, from the world and from themselves, and he takes it seriously. Still, despite his brick wall in place of a heart and his general ineptitude when it comes to being affirming in any sense, he is not incapable of helping his brothers out of a tight spot. He’s just not preferred.

“Lucifer,” Levi’s voice is shaky and stuttering on the other end of the phone. He knew something was wrong when his phone started ringing in the middle of class. His brothers all know how much he hates distractions during class time, just like they know when he has a class so they don’t bother him. He knew something was worse when it was Levi’s name flashing across the screen. Levi refuses to call any of them unless the world is ending. He knew something was horrible when he remembered that today was one of the few days that Levi is mandated to come to campus.

“Yes?” He’s already left class walking down the hallway towards the abandoned wing where he knows Levi is. He keeps his steps measured and even, keeps his breathing calm. It won’t do to have two of them panicked at the same time.

“Are you busy?” They both know the answer to that question, just like they both know he’s going to lie.

“You caught me in the middle of a break. Why?” He tests the door handle for the swimming pool. Closed for renovations, the sign says. The same thing it’s said for the past several millennia. The door swings open without any effort on his part, the magic seal already broken before he got here.

“Would you like to go for a swim?” There’s a splash on the other end of the line. Lucifer snorts.

“I’m not one for water.” There’s silence and another splash and Lucifer lets out a heavy sigh. “I suppose it wouldn’t hurt.”

“Yay,” Levi says, soft and timid, and Lucifer can see him now, all of him, filling up the entire pool. He doesn’t get in yet, just removes a glove and sticks a finger in the water to let Levi know he’s here. He watches as the miles and miles of indigo scales shift and slide along each other until he’s face to face with thousands of sharp teeth.

“You’re going to break the pool again,” is what he says, voice dry. He sputters indignantly when that earns him salt water to the face. He’s soaked now, head to toe and he’s going to miss these shoes.

“Oops.” Levi’s voice is sprinkled with something mirthful, no longer halfway to tears as it was just a moment ago. “Get in. The water’s nice.”

“Yes,” Lucifer swipes a hand across his face to push his bangs back. Salt water drips into his eyes anyway. “I can see that.” 

Levi giggles and his face moves away, body coiling in, on, and over itself, too big to fully fit in the pool.

“You said you’d swim with me.”

“Yes. I suppose I did.”

Truthfully, Lucifer doesn’t like swimming. He is not a bird that is built for water, and getting wet usually means being cold and grounded for a while. Truthfully, he’d rather finally open one of the many letters Michael has sent him over the years. Truthfully, he would do anything for his brothers. Truthfully, Lucifer doesn’t think he’ll fit, but a promise is a promise, so he slides out of his uniform and climbs in.

Levi doesn’t ever tell him what made him so upset he rebroke R.A.D. 's pool, but he does leave a box of Princess’ Poison Apples on his desk the next morning, so Lucifer sets his sights on re-fixing the swimming pool. Maybe this time he’ll convince Diavolo to make it bigger.

—

Satan would rather rip his own teeth out with nothing but a Q-tip and a single milligram of ibuprofen to numb the pain than ever ask Lucifer for help. Their relationship is getting better, he will admit, but he’s filled with a rage towards the oldest that could melt even the strongest of metals, and it will take a while to temper the flame. So, no, he will not ask Lucifer for help, but, if he’s annoying enough about it, Lucifer will fix it anyways.

He starts by mentioning it to Asmo, squinting at him and saying that no, he can’t tell if Asmo’s eyeliner is uneven, because he can’t see.

“Can’t see?” Manicured fingernails are digging into his cheeks as Asmo grips his face and moves his head from side to side. He has to shelve books in his mind’s inner library to not rip his brother’s face clean off his head. 

“Doesn’t look like cataracts or anything,” Asmo hums, dropping his face. Satan massages his jaw slightly. “What do you mean you ‘can’t see’?”

“I meant what I said. Your face is slightly blurry and I can’t tell if your eyeliner is even because it just looks like a blob. Ergo. I can’t see.” Satan crosses his arms over his chest and dodges Asmo’s subsequent grabs for his face.

“Oh,” a snort, “you probably need glasses.” He turns back around to his vanity and Satan has to stop himself from saying no shit out loud.

“Glasses are for losers.”

“Lucifer wears glasses.”

“My point exactly.” Asmo twists his lipstick back down before popping the cap on and pulling open a drawer. He gestures for Satan to look inside and he does and–

“I didn’t know you wore contacts.”

“Not very many people do. Mammon has glasses too, you know. He’s sensitive to bright lights. The sunglasses indoors are not just a poor fashion statement,” Asmo sighs and shakes his head, like the image of Mammon wearing his sunglasses inside brings him physical pain. “And, I think Levi has some because all of those screens destroyed his rods and cones.”

“Oh. I’m sorry for calling you a loser.” Asmo waves him off.

“The point, Bitty, is that you wouldn’t be the first.” It wouldn’t be just you and Lucifer is what he’s saying. Satan nods and then frowns.

“I told you to stop calling me that.”

“Why?” Asmo reaches over to poke his cheek. He narrowly avoids getting a finger bitten off. His voice rises several octaves, turning into a coo. “You’re just an itty bitty baby– Ow, dammit fine.”

-

He then proceeds to complain about it as loudly as possible, as frequently as possible. No, he can’t help Mammon with his homework, the words are bleeding together. Yes, he does have to sit front and center now because otherwise the board is unreadable. No, he did not catch that last slanderous missive about Lucifer in the R.A.D. Newspaper because he couldn’t read the draft that was sent to him for editing. (He made Belphie read the drafts to him out loud and thought that the article was funny.)

“Satan,” everytime Lucifer has to talk to him he looks constipated and it makes Satan laugh inside.

“Big Bother.” Lucifer’s eye twitches.

“You have an appointment with the optometrist. Get in the car.” Satan sets his book down.

“Can’t Mammon take me?” He doesn’t want Mammon to take him. Still, it’s funny to see the vein pop on Lucifer’s forehead.

“... Get in the fucking car.”

Satan plays heavy metal in the car because he knows Lucifer hates it and makes him sit in the lobby during the actual check up because he thinks it’s funny to watch his leg bounce up and down. (And because Lucifer gets a copy of all of their medical records anyway. The freak probably checked Satan’s eyes himself while he was sleeping and already knows his prescription.)

“Those glasses look nice on you,” is all Lucifer says when he picks out the frames.

“I changed my mind. I hate these ones.” (He doesn’t.)

—

He’d been in his room, up to his eyes in paperwork when his phone rang. It’s not unusual for Asmo to call him, the younger always wanting to chat and gossip for as long as Lucifer will pretend to listen, but it is unusual for him to call in the middle of an Asmo Night.

“Hi Asmo, what–”

“Lucy!!” He has to pull the phone away from his ear to avoid rupturing the drum.

“I believe I have asked you not to–”

“Hey! Give me my–” There’s a scuffle on the other end before a voice that Lucifer recognizes as Solomon’s starts speaking.

“Lucifer! I believe Asmodeus has had enough for tonight and needs to be deposited home. I would do it myself, but as per our agreement, I am not allowed–”

“Within twenty feet of my front door. Yes, I know. I’ll come get him. Please keep him out of trouble until I get there.” He rubs the bridge of his nose before standing up and making his way to the door.

“Wonderful! Now, about that pact–” Lucifer hangs up before Solomon can finish the question and hits Levi’s door on the way down the stairs.

“Bed, Leviathan.” There’s a small squeak in response. “Or at least pretend to be sleeping. I can hear your game from out here.” The RPG music leaking from Levi’s room into the hallway quiets drastically.

He stops by the kitchen to find Asmo his crackers and a bottle of water before leaving, instructing Beel to carry himself and Belphie to bed on his way out.

Lucifer does not like parties. He thinks they are loud and annoying and too many people try to get handsy with him when really all he wants is to drink his Demonus in peace. He’s dealing with that now, batting off people’s hands and ignoring requests for a night alone as he makes his way to Asmo’s booth.

“Asmo,” Solomon’s voice is soft and fond as he rouses Asmo from a short nap, “Lucifer’s here. It’s time to go.”

“Mmkay.” Asmo rubs his eyes and gives Solomon a peck on the lips that Lucifer has to fight the urge to gag at. He crawls out of the booth and grabs Lucifer’s hand, and somehow the crowd parts to let him past with no fuss. They barely make it outside before Asmo is hurling all over the sidewalk and Lucifer is remembering that Asmo smells like warm, sugared peaches.

Asmo smells like peaches. Allegedly, he smells like whatever is the most alluring to you, but Lucifer thinks he has always smelled like peaches. He smells like the holy peach cobbler that Michael used to make in the Celestial Realm. Asmo smells like the peach flavored macarons that Barbatos makes when he and Lucifer have tea. He smells like the Georgia peaches the human made him try once. Asmo smells like peaches, he smells like home and love and care, and you would have to hold Lucifer at gunpoint to get him to admit this to his brother.

And now, Lucifer is getting a face full of that smell mixed with vomit as Asmo leans over a bush and loses whatever meager dinner Beel had shoved in him as well as half his body weight in alcohol. There’s a flash from the corner of his eye and he makes a mental note to follow up on that.

“It will sound hypocritical coming from me,” he starts and is promptly interrupted by another retch.

“Then don’t–good Diavolo, that tastes awful–say it.” Asmo takes the water bottle that Lucifer dutifully hands him and rinses his mouth out.

“Are you done?” Lucifer starts fishing around his jacket pocket for a pack of Asmo’s favorite crackers. They taste like flowers, allegedly, and they're one of the few things that Beel genuinely doesn’t like to eat.

“For now.” Asmo takes the crackers and starts munching on them gratefully, leaning heavily into Lucifer’s side as they both walk home.

“Thank you for coming,” he says. Lucifer scoffs, rolling his eyes.

“I would never leave one of you alone.”

“Aww, that’s so–”

“The paperwork alone would take at least a decade.”

“Nevermind.”

-

If Lucifer hunts down the demon who took the picture and threatens them within an inch of their life, that’s between him and his Father. And if Asmo finds out and gives Lucifer a hug at breakfast the following morning, that’s between him and Mammon’s camera roll.

—

Lucifer hates Fangol. Well, that’s not true. He admires the dedication someone has to have to play it and to play it well. He admits that sometimes it’s fun to go to games and get caught up in the hype of the crowd. He also likes that it makes Beel happy. What he doesn’t like is sitting in the stands as his second youngest brother makes a game winning play and then gets tackled onto the turf so hard you can hear the sound his head makes when it hits the ground.

The crowd goes silent and the players and the band take a knee and Lucifer is half dragging half carrying Belphie down the stands to the ambulance as the EMT’s check over their brother.

“Sir, I understand–” The paramedic cuts themself off when they see whose shadows are looming over them. They heave a sigh and gesture to a patch of grass near where they have Beel laying on a gurney. “Try to avoid being in our way.”

It’s a fight to keep Belphie from being underfoot, but there isn’t one when Lucifer says he’s riding in the ambulance with Beel to the hospital. Only a curt nod and then a muttered threat in his ear that he rolls his eyes at and then their off.

“Sorry.” It’s the first thing out of Beel’s mouth after he’s done being asked routine questions.

“It’s not like you asked to receive a concussion.”

“We don’t know that it’s a concussion,” Beel says, wagging his finger slowly. Lucifer rolls his eyes.

“You told the paramedic you wanted to throw up and pass out at the same time.”

“Average Beelzebub activities.” It makes Lucifer snort, lips twitching up into a smile.

“That is the exact opposite of a Beelzebub activity. You’ll be okay, though.” The you have to be goes unsaid.

It turns out to be a concussion and Beel is barred from playing for a while and then everything is fine.

-

Lucifer has changed his mind, he definitely hates Fangol. He has half a mind to ban Beel from ever playing it again, but if he didn’t have something to focus his energy on, they wouldn’t have a House to live in.

He stayed home from the game, wanting to relax, for once, with a new cursed record and a bottle of his prized Demonus. He might have also paused the record to watch the stream of the game on his phone, but that’s neither here nor there. He’s busy cussing out one of the commentators for their clear bias against Beel–they haven’t been angels in literally thousands of years, people need to find a new excuse–when it cuts suddenly from a replay of the last down to a live feed from the field. And then his phone rings.

“Mammon,” he already knows what happened before he picks up.

“I know ya said not ta call ya tonight, but,” he sounds haggard, and his accent gets thicker when he’s panicking, “ya also said not ta let the hospital call ya so–”

“Mammon,” it comes out snappier than he wants it to and he has to soften his voice when he opens his mouth again, “breathe. What’s happened?”

“Dear Father who art in Heaven–” Lucifer curses again because Mammon only reverts to praying when something is seriously wrong. “Beel got tackled ‘nd– Lucifer, ya could hear the crunch from Diavolo’s good seats.” Lucifer sucks in a breath and considers sending up a couple prayers himself.

“I’m on my way. Beel will– Beel will be okay, Mammon. He’s strong.” He hears Mammon’s assent from the other end of the line just as he hears Levi mumble something to Mammon.

“Oh, yer kiddin’.”

“What? Mammon, what’s going on?”

“We can’t fin’ Belphie.”

“Shit.”

-

If Lucifer breaks traffic laws on his way to the stadium, no one who pulls him over will be able to make anything stick for very long. He watches as the ambulance pulls away and his D.D.D. buzzes with a message.

Mams

I went with Beel. Everyone’s still tryna find Belphie.

“Lucifer–” he’s met with an armful of brothers before he can put his phone back in his pocket and he’s not strong enough to pretend he doesn’t want to hug them back.

“Did you find–”

“No, obviously not Levi, he just fucking got here.”

“Satan, now is not the time–”

“I’ll decide when the fucking time is, Asmo. Did you see what they did to our–”

“Yeah, I was sitting right next to you. You’re not the only one who’s upset–”

“Guys,” Lucifer raises his voice above their arguing. “Now is not the time.” He hands Diavolo his keys, grateful, for once, at his many attempts to bond with his brothers. “Will you please take them to the hospital? I have a brother to find.”

It doesn’t take him long to find Belphie, but it does take a toll on his knees.

“Belphegor.” He wonders how the youngest climbed on top of the press box without anyone noticing.

“The stadium lights are too bright,” Belphie says, “you can’t see the stars. They drown them out. It’s a bad omen, Lucifer.”

“Belphegor, please come back down.”

“I can’t see them, Lucifer.” His voice is thick with tears.

“They’re still there, Belphie. I promise.”

“We made them together, and I can’t see them.”

“If you come back down we can visit Beel and the two of you can find them together.” Diavolo’s Father help him, he is not climbing on top of that box to bring Belphie down himself.

“Promise?”

“On my life.”

The bad thing about the press box for the R.A.D. stadium, is that the ladder has rusted away. People never go on top of it to watch or film the game anymore because they started to use magic to get the good camera angles. The bad thing about the press box is that when Belphie makes to climb down he slips and has nothing to grab and lands on the concrete stadium seating with a snap that makes Lucifer’s stomach churn.

-

“I can’t believe you fell while getting down. That’s like, one hundred times easier than goin’ up.” Mammon is beside himself with laughter while he doodles on Belphie’s cast.

“Haha. Laugh it up Mammon. When I’m out of this thing, I’m going to break every bone in your body.” Mammon rolls his eyes at Belphie’s threat.

“The witches have used that one before. Try again.”

“What are you, a magic eight ball?”

“Reply hazy. Try again later.”

“You know,” Asmo says from his spot opposite Mammon, doodling on Beel’s cast, “it is kind of cool that you guys managed to break the same bone.”

“It’s because we’re twins.” Beel says, smiling brightly.

“Yeah,” Satan snorts, “or cause you’re both stupid.”

“I’m just glad you’re both okay,” Levi cuts in before Belphie and Satan can start in on each other.

“Indeed. Although, I believe it’s best that Fangol is heading into its off season.” Lucifer says, and there’s noises of agreement throughout the room.

—

It’s a simple fact of life that Lucifer doesn’t get sick. The Demon King is asleep, the Earth’s year is 365 (365.25) days long, the Crown Prince of the Devildom hates pickles, Michael is a massive loser, and Lucifer doesn’t get sick. He does not get sick or injured or cursed or hexed or anything of the sort because he does not have the time. Except. Except he is most definitely sick right now.

Belphie realized something was wrong when Lucifer didn’t come down for breakfast. He’s a stickler for meal times, always wanting them to share a meal together. Something about family and tradition and will you just do what I say for once that Belphie doesn’t care about or want to listen to. He comes to breakfast and dinner and lunch on the weekends anyway, because Beel does, not because Lucifer wants him to. So, when he looks up from his spot at the table, the cloth permanently drool stained despite the oldest’s best efforts, and watches all of his brothers leave except Lucifer, he gets confused.

“Beel,” he asks, tilting his head just so, “did Lucifer have a meeting today?” Usually he would tell them. Several times throughout the week if it was planned and then again in the morning before he leaves. He’s weird like that, he doesn’t like not knowing where everyone is. Belphie thinks he’s a control freak, even if he finds knowing his brother’s whereabouts comforting.

“No,” Beel says this around a mouthful of muffin, “I don’t think so.”

“Hmm. Well. I guess we’ll see him at school.”

-

They do not, in fact, see him at school. Mammon shares first period with him, which means he can never skip the first hour and a half of R.A.D. Except today, there’s no harsh pokes in his back whenever he starts to zone out, and there’s no pointed coughs when he pulls out his phone and starts playing games. He looks around and there’s no Lucifer.

Demon Brothers

Mams: ayo. where is. lucifer.

Catan: he’s not in class?

Mams: if he was I wouldn’t be askin.

Catan: the phone screen makes you bold, brother. watch yourself.

Mams: o7 aye aye cap’n.

Beel: Belphie says he wasn’t at breakfast either

Mams: is belphie’s phone broke???

Beel: he says typing is too much effort

Mams: understandable have a nice day

Asmo: o.o Lucifer not at breakfast? But he’s always weird when we miss it!

Catan: typical Lucifer hypocrisy

Levs: you know he can still read this chat right?

Catan: when has that ever stopped me -_-

Levs: you guys have hit like all of the Summoning Lucifer Bullet Points

Levs: 1. Mention his name fifty times

Levs: 2. Blow up his phone

Levs: 3. Text during class time

Levs: 4. Slander him at least once

Levs: 5. Ask about his private business/goings on

Beel: and yet

Mams: no Lucifer

-

The real header comes during the afternoon, when Lucifer doesn’t show up to the scheduled Student Council Meeting.

“Alrighty!” Diavolo says, chipper as ever, “when Lucifer gets here, we’ll start the meeting. He has all of the paperwork, anyway.” 

So they wait. And they wait.

“Yo, dude,” Mammon calls to Diavolo and he turns his head, Barbatos coughs into his fist at the lack of formality. “I don’t think Lucifer is gonna show.”

“Yeah,” Belphie yawns, “he wasn’t in school today, either.”

“Or at breakfast, apparently.” Levi says, though it’s hard to hear him over the music of his game.

“That is. Odd. Is he still at home, then?” Diavolo pulls out his phone and starts texting.

“No use,” Asmo says, “we’ve been bothering him all day.”

“Privately and in the group chat,” Satan adds. “Though, he may not have opened my messages because they were all cursed.”

“He didn’t open mine either,” Beel says. “I think he’s just been off his phone.”

“Unusual,” Barbatos says, stepping out of his shadowy corner. “Perhaps something is amiss?”

“With Lucifer?” Asmo sounds incredulous, lowering his compact just long enough to arch an eyebrow at the butler before tapping more powder on his face. “Nothing is ever wrong with Lucifer.” Belphie yawns before nodding in agreement and adding his own two cents.

“Even when we curse him things aren’t wrong. He always manages to make it seem so … normal.”

“I remember that time his pants kept falling down,” Levi says. “I thought it would make him less intimidating. I was wrong.” He shudders. “Very wrong.”

“Then why isn’t he here?” Barbatos says, crossing his arms over his chest.

“Why does he do anythin’?” Mammon stands up as he says this, grabbing his bag and his phone and making his way towards the door. “Lucifer does what he wants and shows no remorse for it.” There’s a pause where he remembers the Fall. “Mosta the time.”

“Well, if we aren’t going to do anything,” Asmo’s compact shuts with a click, “I have people to do and things to see.”

“It’s ‘things to do and people to see’, Asmo,” Satan says, following his brothers out.

“I know what I said.”

Barbatos and Diavolo watch as the brothers leave, one by one, all citing different excuses before sharing a look.

“Is it rude to stop by people’s homes uninvited, Barbatos?” Diavolo asks, pushing his chair back.

“Yes. But in cases where Lucifer is concerned, manners and politeness have never stopped you, my Lord.” Barbatos follows behind the Prince, steps silent in contrast to the clacking of Diavolo’s shoes on the Academy’s stone floors. Diavolo’s laugh echoes throughout the hallway.

“I suppose you’re right. Come, I believe I must pay a visit to my right hand.”

“Always.”

-

The House is cold when Diavolo gets there. He can hear Beel rummaging in the kitchen, and Belphie’s soft snores accompanying him. He can hear Levi and Mammon fighting over something and he can hear the thud of books falling over in Satan’s room. He can hear Asmo because Asmo greets him when he enters.

“Oh, hey!” He waves excitedly, before pointing at his feet. “Which shoes do you think look better with this outfit?”

“I think they both look nice,” Diavolo replies and Asmo pouts.

“Not helpful.”

“The ones on your left, Asmodeus.” Barbatos’ eyes peer from behind Diavolo’s shoulder and Asmo smiles in response.

“Thanks! Hey,” he tugs the shoe on his right foot off and tosses it into a pile next to the door before grabbing his left foot’s twin from seemingly nowhere, “you guys didn’t see Solomon out there, did you?”

“I thought I told you that he isn’t allowed within twenty feet of the front door.” Lucifer’s normal baritone is raspy with sickness, vocal cords raw from coughing.

“He’s not going to be within twenty feet. He’s going to stand an inch outside of the barrier.” Asmo turns and places his hands on his brother’s shoulders, spinning him around and pushing him back towards the living room. “I also thought I told you to lie down and sleep. I suppose we both aren’t good at listening, hmm?” Lucifer grumbles at him despite following Asmo’s guidance to the couch.

“I heard the door open.” Diavolo follows the duo towards the living room, Barbatos his ever present shadow.

“There are six other people who can answer it.” He watches as Asmo pushes Lucifer into a sitting position and shoves blankets around him.

“That’s what I worry about.” Asmo rolls his eyes.

“Stop being a baby and just lay down. How can you catch Mammon and string him up by his toenails if you can’t go a second without coughing?”

“I can,” Lucifer pauses to cough, “I can take any one of you down, even in this weakened state.”

There’s a snort from the entrance to the kitchen as the twins walk in, Beel carrying soup and Belphie carrying nothing.

“You couldn’t block even the lowest level curse from Satan at this rate.” Belphie says, curling up on the couch next to Lucifer and resting his head on his lap.

“I could–”

“You’re very strong, Lucifer,” Asmo placates, patting his older brother’s head condescendingly. “Now, eat your soup and shut up. I have a date to get to and I’m running late.”

“Maybe I should cough on you so you can’t go anymore.” The threat is empty, but Asmo’s smile still sharpens in response.

“Maybe I should take a seam ripper to all of your clothes,” he turns on his heel. “Oh, also. Diavolo is here.” The responding squawk Lucifer lets out sends him into another coughing fit, one that disrupts the sleeping Belphie on his lap.

“My Lord,” Lucifer makes to get up and is physically yanked back down by Belphie, “I apologize for not greeting you earlier.”

“No worries! You didn’t show up to the meeting today, and you weren’t answering your phone, so I stopped by to see how you were.” Diavolo gestures to the bottles of cold medicine on the coffee table and the bowl of soup being shoved at Lucifer by Beel. “It seems you are all taken care of.”

“Indeed. I appreciate your concern–”

“Beel, Lucifer’s boyfriend was worried about him. Isn’t that sweet?” Beel nods at Belphie’s joke, resting his head against the side of Lucifer’s knee from his newly acquired spot on the floor.

“The sweetest. Someone tell Asmo he’s being beaten in the best boyfriend competition.” There’s twin thunks as Lucifer smacks the both of them on the head, face now flushed with something other than fever.

“That’s enough out of you two.” He sighs and looks back up at Diavolo and Barbatos. “Would the two of you like to stay for dinner? Satan’s in charge tonight and he likely won’t poison it since I’m too ill to eat much of anything.”

“That would be wonderful, thank you.” Diavolo sits in an empty armchair that he thinks is Lucifer’s regular seat when his phone buzzes.

Emergency Chat ONLY

Belphie: hey satan, lucifer’s boyfriend is staying for dinner

Catan: man. now I can’t put this human world poison I found in it.

Belphie: probably wouldn’t work anyway

Beel: Barbatos is also staying

Belphie: my apologies Beel. you’re right

Belphie: lucifer’s boyfriendS are staying for dinner

Levs: this is great

Levs: I wanted to talk to Diavolo about the new chapter of the manga we’re reading

Mams: the rule is no loser talk at the dinner table

Levs: why do you open your mouth so much then

Mams: i’m gonna fucken get you

Asmo: if Lucifer gets to bring his boyfriends why can’t i bring Solomon

Catan: because Solomon sucks.

Catan: actually

Catan: would Solomon be able to con a fever high Lucifer into a pact

Mams: the downside here is that Solomon would be at dinner

Beel: I’d lose my appetite

Asmo: he’s not that bad

Asmo: and don’t lie Beel

Asmo: we aren’t going to let him cook

Asmo: we aren’t stupid

Lucifer: This chat is for emergencies only.

Belphie: i know. that’s why we’re discussing dinner

Lucifer: If I see Solomon anywhere near the House I will find a way to reverse his immortality.

Catan: wear a blindfold

Asmo: kinky

Catan: freak

Lucifer: I believe I also told you to stop referring to Diavolo and Barbatos as my boyfriends.

Mams: sucks 2 suck

Levs: L moment

Lucifer: I also believe they are in this chat.

Belphie: i know. that’s why we’re discussing dinner.

Belphie: keep up old man

Lucifer: I will remind you that you’re laying in my lap.

Belphie: what’re you gonna do

Belphie: cough on me??

Levs: chat, clip this

Mams: what was that scream???

Diavolo: Belphegor.

Barbs: Lucifer did more than just “cough on him.”

Mams: oh damn.

Mams: so what’s for dinner 

Beel: Lucifer says Belphegor stew

Mams: I thought it was Satan’s turn to cook????????

Catan: lucifer just tried to shove belphie in the oven.

Barbatos: With no seasoning? How revolting.

Diavolo: Demons taste better fried, anyway.

Mams: PARDON???

[ewesless]

*RAGGED SCREAMING* THIS IS WHERE ALL MY LUCK WENT

RIGJT THRRRE RIGHT THERE

OH EHSBBSBRHWHSBDBDNFNFD HER BOOTY HER BOOTY THIS IS NOT A DRILL, GIRL GOT A SEXY LIL ASS ON HER!

I WAS PRAYING FOR THIRTEEN BOOTY AND EXPECTED NO ANSWER. I GOT AN ANSWER!

God had mercy 😭 They were holding out on us and her BOOBS!!

Preemptively: This is like how the guys suddenly get super buff so Shut up. Do not complain about her boobs getting boobier or I will go screeching harpy instead of screeching monkey and beat over the head like a newspaper with every instance of a male character getting a bigger buffer body dependent on the artist involved.

SKIN TIGHT WETSUIT FTW Are you fucking kidding meeeeeeeeeeeee!!! I had expected they may give her shorts and a tanktop or cropped tank with a button down over it (I can hope for a bikini or bikini top with tiny shorts, I still do) all the way over in the back corner I DID NOT EXPECT BOOTY! BQBWHRBEVAVWHS

Tbh I'm still on the fence about whether they'll ever give us her shower/lingerie/towel pics (or feet. I swear I'm not into feet, but I can't help noticing them. She's wearing shoes here, too) I can only hope and pray and smoke the hopium by the kilo, but I am fed, please feed me more. I want more Thirteen peach 😭 God her thighs are so perfect I want to hold them in my hands and feel them. This artist gives her thighs some good squish too 🫠 I always love her thighs, these are so delicious please let me eat them. Please more I need her I nee dmore please I need Thirteen need her to sit on my fa

I was so tired and sad, I am restored 😭

I didn't think I would ever get to see her, she is like one lil step away from being naked too Oh my God Solmare does have the gonads 🥹 oh my God 😭 She's so gorgeous!!

I feel like my heart is going to explode today sucked so bad but now it's sunshine, lollipops and rainbows and everything that's wonderful when we're together

I need to lay down on the ground and breathe oh my God I didn't expect this at all, I'm legitimately shook

Edit: 13 notes 😎 Based

[doodlboy]

You cant?? Use cheat cards when you bring events back in LD?????? What's the point of them then???

[zoobus]

I'm not normally a victim of FOMO tactics, nor do I usually let being late to the party stop me from chatting about a piece of media but I'm genuinely sad I didn't get into Obey Me/Nightbringer earlier. It makes me want to write a million essays but the disposable and decentralized nature of gacha kind of makes it feel like you missed your chance to talk about it. I keep coming across years old, unrepliable comments that I want to jump on sooo bad but I can't because the moment is gone and most of these people have likely moved on to less overtly money-hungry games.

Which sucks! because one essay I want to write in particular is how this game is extremely skilled in arousing your desire to create, to actively engage with the characters and worldbuilding, to do fandom shit, and I find this enormously fascinating in itself. The story isn't good but to a certain extent, it's not supposed to be; it functions as an elaborate set of writing/art/rp prompts for its audience to expand on and tailor to their needs.

And I think Obey Me does this well! Amazingly well. I find discussion of narrative structure fascinating, the study of how we define writing as effective, good, or as failures, so I'm drawn to this story full of contradicting lore, one-note characters, and half-finished plots. The story isn't good but that hardly matters because it's not here to be a good story; it's here to throw you into imagination boot camp. It compels you to speculate what it could be, what this character could be, what a slightly different tone would look like, what other people think about it. It feels distinct from the average popular show fandoms where, to an extent, creators congregate simply because that's where the people are. Creating for your own sake is nice and all but validation is usually a stronger force. Usually.

I keep coming across old high effort researched posts about abrahamic religions and occultism from fans setting themselves up for inevitable disappointment. I keep coming across creators leaving notes on their work like "I haven't written a thing in ten years, but,". I keep losing it over heartfelt posts defending x and y canon story decisions with their whole chest, oblivious to the fact that they're misremembering their personal tweaks/headcanons as what happened in the game, like it's seriously so cute when they're so passionate and completely wrong.

I have no idea if fandom actually plays a role in the lucrativeness of a franchise (though as a personal anecdote, I 100% started Obey Me after a single piece of horny Mammon fanart crossed my dash), but it makes more sense to me now, less a projection of wishful/haterful thinking from those with strong opinions about Fandom. Maybe it really does matter.

---

Other essays I missed the boat on:

A Casino Right in Your Home: goddamn is the pre/sequel's gacha obscene

Satan: how to put a mid character into S-tier with one simple trick (make him insane)

Sorry Belphie defenders but you're imagining a better psycho than you were given

Solmare added a shiny new rhythm game but didn't fix the now four year old coloring error on Levi's hands lmfaooo the disrespect is crazy

Remember when you saw the Nightbringer trailer of them glaring in bdsm gear with freshly blackened wings, and you thought "ah, so this takes place right after they fought god and lost. After they went to war to protect their sister only for her to die anyway. After one brother in particular saves someone, but not her, the focal point of the war. They will finally take these to their logical, guilt despair rage pain and grudge filled ends." And you were correct until that very last sentence? lol

Remember when the Ruri-chan event gave you the option to tell Levi you're not cheating on him and then the rest of the event was just making out with his brothers? Then it ends with you kissing him in front of them? Bring that energy back!!!

[zuble]

still pissed that mephisto is undateable after a game and a half. especially after solmare teased us and said “hmm maybe someday! ;) you’ll have to keep playing to find out! ;)” well solmare i’ve been playing and i think you suck

[nocreativityfornames]

A rant from a tired Beel enjoyer

I can't find a nicer way to get into this, so I'm just gonna go all out and say it: Why did Solmare make our chats and calls with Beel so damn boring?

I swear, ALL this man ever talks to us about is food. No matter the situation, with Beel, it always circles back to eating somehow. He either wants an opinion on food, or he's asking us to accompany him to a new restaurant, or he's arguing with someone because of food. I mean, even our first call with him on NB it's just him calling us on accident when he actually wanted to order pizza ( a trope that has already been recycled from another call in the og game, by the way ).

And I have to say, it's tiring. It's tiring because I love this character so much and I was so ready to get better Beel content when NB came out. But no, the calls and chats with him have somehow become even more bland. And now when I get a chat notification from him I just get this overwhelming feeling of boredom, because I know exactly what's going to happen: it's going to be yet another chat where we talk about food. 🙃

You can just see there's no effort being put into these convos, especially when compared with the other characters, who we get to talk about a variety of things with. And this has been a problem ever since OMSWD, since the majority of our chats with him there were also about food. But at least we got some that weren't, for example, one of my favorites, where Beel confesses that the reason he had been missing was that he was taking care of this dying flower. Or the other chats where he talks to us about training and Fangol, or just little things like sleeping on MC's lap and wanting to do it again or whatever.

But on Nightbringer? I swear, all chats and calls so far have been nothing but repetitive and forgettable ( at least for me, that is ). And it bothers me soooo much because this only happens with him! We get plenty of different topics to talk about with the others, but Beel? Beel can only ever talk about food, or Belphie, which is… not great at all…

And it sucks because Beel has so much potential, being the lovable character that he is. But the devs only give 3 layers to him: The meathead, the family protector with survivor's guilt, and… Belphegor's twin brother 😐. That's all, we get nothing more and it's left to us to give him more depth and make him less one-dimensional.

It's disappointing, to say the least. And I haven't seen a lot of people discuss this before, so yeah.