#some people can really just fuck themselves soooooo hard

[soryualeksi]

Honestly so crushed and tired because today was the fourth time out of five past work days I got - imo - inappropriately disproportionately chewed out by higher-ups about things that a) HARMED nobody but "only" caused inconvenience and b) were not even entirely within MY control and c) were 90% about failed communication from both ends instead of genuine neglect or even mistakes from my side??

I still like my work, but wow. Some people cam so absolutely go fuck themselves and step in a puddle of cold garbage juice in socks first thing in the morning for a while. Holy shit.

Also I know who, when the "offer" is up next time, will ABSOLUTELY tell the doctor "yes, you're right, sign my sick note for two full weeks instead of just one" rather than going "I gotta go back as soon as I can bear it because so many people are sick already".

ALSO I know who will step back a little on volunteering for inconvenient extra work such as making coffee or cleaning up or re-stocking materials from the annoying cabinet for the next few weeks at least. Find me chilling at a couch with the others k thx bye.

:)))

[prettyboysdontlookatexplosions]

medialog april 2k24

ok. sick day catch up part two

watched

monkey man - this was gnarly and fun and dev patel, quite simply the hottest man ever to live, is upsettingly hot in this film, like SO hot oh my fucking god

white room - this was a VERY weird movie that (as per the filmmaker q & a) totally flopped at a film festival and never received distribution... you can kinda see why but i more or less liked it. it's about a weird sheltered repressed dude who accidentally sees the murder of a mysterious pop star and then accidentally befriends and falls in love with the woman who was actually the reclusive songwriter and voice of the act... the filmmaker described it as a "journey through genres" and it was very artistically ambitious in a way that maybe didn't totally work but it had some really good stuff about art/consumption/fame/women (my jam) and it frequently looked gorgeous and also all of the mysterious/reclusive pop singer's songs were big late 80s/early 90s style upbeat synth-bombast numbers with lyrics taken from emily dickinson poems which is soooooo funny and a great idea

alien - this is like die hard in that if i'd seen it ten years ago i would not really have understood the hype but seeing after i had a backwards education in film by watching all of the mcu movies and developing curiosity about the question of why they were bad and ugly in such distinct ways and from there developing a nascent and unsophisticated appreciation of the filmic qualities of film i'm like, wow what an incredibly fucking well made movie!!!!!! some things in particular i liked were (1) no substantive backstory for anyone, no dark secrets except the one that really counted, no traumatic pasts, no explanation for how this world works or why anyone was here except needing a job, just giving us the bare minimum to understand the situation the characters find themselves in and trusting the story to do the rest (2) very good spaceshippy spaceship (another way it's like die hard is lots of great Texture, another thing that the MCU lacks which like many other MCU traits was actually a totally fitting design choice for tech bro billionaire tony stark in iron man but simply did not need to expand to Everything...) (3) sigourney weaver so good! ian holmes also very good (4) lots of suspense through silence which is one of the most lost of lost arts in the realm of big expensive Cool Shit Happens cinema!

roy cohn/jack smith - this was a filmed recording of two monologues performed by ron vawter, a gay actor who died of AIDS, each in the character of another gay man who had AIDS - the notorious roy cohn & the experimental cinema icon jack smith. i don't really have much to say about it but i feel very lucky to have seen it and vawter was incredible - i'm glad also that he happened to come to our attention a few months ago because he played the therapist in sex lies & videotape.

mad max: fury road - ok i kept putting this off because the way people talked about it on the internet frankly emphasized to an off-putting degree the ideas in this movie and did not adequately convey to me personally the most important thing about it which is that it Fucking Owns Lmao Wow. we happened to pause it for some reason like 50 minutes in and i swear to you i would have guessed 15, maybe 20 minutes had passed, that's how much it flies by... the coolest shit ever, i wanted to live there forever! also lottie yellowjackets is one of the wives????

mission: impossible 3 - the worst movie in the entire world. we only revisited this one as part of our ongoing marathon with some friends and we spent the whole time complaining about jj abrams' totally inept camera work... seriously watch this movie and look out for (1) every time an already fast sequence is torn up with a zillion stupid little cuts some of which actively prevent us from seeing something that could have been cool (2) every time we get to a new location and the camera starts aimlessly drifting to the side literally immediately because he's afraid we'll get bored if we sit in a location for one whole second (3) every time 3 people are having a conversation and the camera spends the whole time just purposelessly wafting back and forth side to side for, i cannot emphasize this enough, no reason at all. literally nothing in this, an installment of the Stuff Looking Cool franchise, looks even a little bit cool even one time. people hate on 2 for the male gaze of it all re: thandie newton but her character has more personality and agency than ethan's sexy lamp wife in this. the closest to a redeeming value this movie has is that it really feels like part of the goal was to remind everyone of how even though tom cruise jumped on that couch one time he's actually a very normal american heterosexual man (he passes out at one point and flashes back to his wife in her underwear sdksoeroser it's SO dumb) but because he's tom cruise (a total insane freak) he can't convincingly portray that at all and just comes across as insane and maybe a sociopath. "what about philip seymour hoffman" i'm not going to give abrams credit for knowing PSH was a good actor, that's like saying defending a doctor accused of malpractice by saying he knows that feet generally have toes. be serious. i will give a shout out to simon pegg, who is in this less than i remembered but who comes across as the MVP (across what should be a deep bench of a cast!) of making abrams' horrible comic-book-bro-patter come across as something a human might say, mostly so i can also share my friend's insight when i said that which is that it makes sense pegg is suited to the task given that he cut his teeth largely on movies that are parodies of shitty action movies.

mission: impossible - ghost protocol - a wonderful and perfect treat :) i've gone on at length about this one before and really have nothing left to say but it's so good and so specifically good at all the things 3 sucks ass at... my friend was physically squirming next to me on the couch during the burj khalifa sequence, as is right and proper :)

read

beautiful losers - this is a novel leonard cohen wrote in the 60s that is very weird and experimental and i'll be real with you and say i did not get it. it's about a guy whose wife and best friend he had a weird sexual relationship with are both dead and now he's kind of obsessed with an iroquois saint... i am not sure how to describe it but i guess i would say if you think the music of leonard cohen is too optimistic and insufficiently horny for you maybe you would like this. it is probably the most aggressively sexual book i've ever read but not in an erotic way... it's very like about the nastiness of sex and bodies... which i admire ideologically on a certain level but it's really quite unrelenting with it... occasionally there are snatches of deeply beautiful writing though.

listened

sourpatch, stagger & fade - nick put on the vinyl of this and i was like oh that sounds nice and i wound up listening to it a bit... fuzzy indie rock (i'm not educated enough to parse genres more finely than that) that makes for very pleasant background listening

ariana grande, eternal sunshine - i've never kept up with ariana because i just find her voice kind of annoying and i had never heard a song to challenge that UNTIL we reviewed "we can't be friends" at singles jukebox and ariana teaming up with max martin to do kidz bop body talk era robyn turned out to be everything i wanted from her... unfortunately the rest of the album was incredibly boring lol. love that song tho!

maggie rogers, don't forget me - i don't know that i find this one as interesting as her last album or quite as likable as her first (although that might be me somewhat overrating her first because i love "light on" sooooo much) but she's such a capital-M Musician she's always a pleasure to listen to. "drunk" was an early fave but recently i found myself returning a lot to "the kill"

girl in red, i'm doing it again baby! - girl in red comes a lot when other people are talking about the g*yl*rs as one of the actual queer artists they should support but first of all they actually love her and second of all i listened to this album twice straight through and have let some of the songs play on shuffle since and i could not hum you one single line :/

taylor swift, the tortured poets department - speak of the devil! i mean i've talked about this. i like this album a lot - at this point i'm ready to call it easily her best work except for maybe folklore, and honestly i find it hard to assess folklore out of what a special lockdown treat it felt like at the time. i don't expect a world insistent on calling 1989 pop perfection to eventually agree with me but i think people will mellow out about it in time and forget that it was so divisive on release much as has happened with reputation (an album far worthier of scorn if not without its occasional merits) and at the VERY least i think in like 5 years it will be more or less consensus that it's better than midnights.

the starting line, say it like you mean it - i listened to this album mostly to fact-check claims i was making about emo in the taylor swift piece but then i kept listening to it cuz it was kinda full of bops!

fall out boy, take this to your grave - @voidofcourse recommended this as a stepping stone from the starting line for loud guys offering bops and indeed it too was full of bops!

other

an enemy of the people - i saw this on broadway, yes, 1000% literally just because my boy my king my number one guy jeremy strong was in it. the production was interesting and good if not flawless, and although i think some of the younger cast members got a little lost in the old-fashioned theatrical language (even in a new translation) and could have used some direction towards really pulling out the meaning of individual sentences they were saying, the more seasoned actors all did a great job, including, of course, jeremy strong, who got to be shoved into a pit and have pretend ice thrown at him, i'm so happy for him. also the play was incredible? like as a play? i said as much here after seeing it but basically it's about this doctor who discovers that the town baths that are about to open have a contaminated water supply that is definitely going to result in people getting sick and some of them dying, especially since they are being advertised partly for their health-restoring properties for people who are already not doing well, and he's like, wow, good thing i caught this thanks to the help of science so we can change plans, and then everyone else in town is like, but have you considered that would be expensive? why do you hate poor people? (there's a thread specifically about the editor of the radical leftist newspaper going from being the doctor's number one champion to being totally coopted out of both politics and self-interest that was particularly brutal to watch...) like it was truly SO incredibly specifically relevant to some Extremely Contemporary Issues that i was just agog and also it was incredibly fucking upsetting to watch! really really great playwriting, such a clean example of how a work can best encompass & comment on ideas by developing them through character and dramatic action rooted in wants, needs, choices, conflict, etc., a lesson many people could stand to learn. i kept thinking it had burrowed as deeply into the core issues as it could and then it found another layer. this ibsen guy... he really knew some stuff about stuff....

[correctproseka]

So @queer-prosekai told me to do my own top 10 list of the sets + my favorite card of each, so here's some rules i set for myself

1- i have to REALLY like the full set, not just really like a card but a little less to the others (cough Saki in no seek no find, for one example. Though other sets have also triggered this rule)

2- i also am judging by card only, not the story, however. I am not completely good at this because a lot of the cards that are already good get to be way better because of the event behind it.

3- only counting the trained cards, not untrained, it would be a very different list.

ANYWAYS. LIST STARTS NOW:

10: LIGHT UP THE FIRE

Oh my poor child are you okay??? Going past how much i like this event. Which would get me here writing for hours mind you. I also just really like the set. The dark colors and the fact that in all 3 cards you can barely see color- its black and then each has their own color showing up, An has red, Toya has blue and Rin has white. It just gives a fucking impact on you looking at them. Would not change a thing, really.

9: WISHING TO THE BLUE SKY FOR YOUR HAPPINESS

Anyone else remembers qhen this set just totally broke us? Oh my god. I do. Shizuku in a suit. An in this pretty ass dress. I just cjsjcjsmcjsncjdj. It was mainly those two that really hit for me, specially An. But when it hit it hit hard man

8: SMILE OF A DREAMER

It was the first lim set, so it was really simple compared to what we get now. But simple doesn't mean bad. I really love the colors and idk man i have a soft spot for it i cant defend everything my brain is a dvd logo bouncing around😭

7: HEAR ME HOPEFUL SHOW

Angel Minori is one of the prettiest sets ever, it just isnt higher because personally i like some others more, doesn't mean this shit isnt fucking gorgeous. The lightning, the setting. I love this mmj card with everyone in it bc this is such a beautiful place???? Just. Licks this set like an ice cream then cries bc i ate the pretty ass set.

6: Someday, from the depths of despair

Lowkey i did not expect this one to be this high before i made this list. But it is just gorgeous setting, gorgeous lightning. It just makes my brain go brrrr looking at it.

5- What lies behind lies ahead

The hermit set has people in a chokehold for years, and for good reason. The hairstyles are pretty, the au ideas one can get out of it are yummy. AND THE CARD THEMSELVES ARE SO CKSJFKDK. All of them having this golden thing around as if hermit was a story told to us by images. It just could be a poster. Its certainly pretty enough to.

4: Our escape for survival

Sorry for the amount of niigo here. It will happen again. Niigo never misses. Anyways i just love this set sm. The lightning, muffled colors and backgrounds just hit so fucking hard. The rain shared on the 3 cards from the set is so symbolical and so is the clock and the engines on Mafuyu's and Luka's card. It tells us a story before we even read the event and that is beautiful.

3: Close game offline

I had to skip this set and i am still sad about it. Man the the the cmsucksjcjx aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa viddygame and neon.

2- Unnamed Harmony

I like silly, your honor. I also like water. Saki's card has both /hj. No but really i just really like the outfits and colors and just everything in this set it would be a CRIME to not have this here as a Saki stan. Just look at it!!!!

1: Draw your bow in this white world

.. so, who's surprised? I can barely even find a favorite card in this set. From Kaitos . Kaito. (Does he need more?), Shizuku's gracefulness and beautifulness and Mafuyu just pretty and badass breaking the "screen"/mirror/window with an arrow. Its just soooooo ancjamvjsjchsjxncnsicjsv chomps.

HONORABLE MENTION:

Knock the future, which light up the fire took it off on a technicality (i like 3/3 cards on light up the fire and 2/3 on knock the future bc Honami is very meh compared to the others to me)

Anyways if anyone else wants to do this as a challenge id love it. And @probably-not-niigo i challenge u to do the same

[foggyfanfic]

Queer Madrigals

I'm about to post a couple future!fic for Encanto, so I figured I'd take a minute to talk about my headcanons when it comes to their genders/sexualities.

The Obvious: I've posted somewhat in depth about what I think Bruno and Isabela's individual deals are, so I'm not going to really talk about it here, but yeah. Using the labels I am familiar with, I assume Bruno is demi, bi, and nonbinary, and that Isabela is a lesbian who ends up marrying a trans woman.

The Married: I mean, we can sit here all day and speculate, but the only real headcanons I got are that Juli is demi and Pepa has made out with more women than Bruno.

Mirabel: I've mentioned this, but I didn't really talk about it. Due to heteronormativity I suspect it wouldn't occur to Mirabel to question her sexuality until later in life when the Pride movement starts up. I think she's bi, possibly also demi, but most definitely not very focused on her love life (another reason why she doesn't think too hard about her sexuality). She's got shit to do and if somebody wants to date her they better speak up about it because she's got too many projects going on right now to bother with mind games. Mirabel ends up with a man mostly by coincidence, I saw somebody do the numbers and its just statistically more likely that a bi person will end up with somebody of the opposite sex (the math didn't factor for gender). I try to keep all of my headcanons grounded to peoples lived experiences, and this felt historically accurate.

Luisa: I think that if Luisa were a tumblrina she would end up being CIS+, but would have to go through the journey of exploring her gender due to societal biases. In the context of 1950's Colombia, she spends her youth hearing abuelas and tias talking about how she needs to be more feminine if she wants a husband, and struggles with that for a while. Luisa sings "I glow because I know what my worth is" and that's the sort of thing somebody says when they're on the other side of some serious self doubt, so I do think she had to deal with a bit of misogyny and body image issues. The thing is, Luisa likes the way she looks, and she's proud of what a hard worker she is, but she also wears ribbons in her hair and skirts instead of pants to work in. Furthermore, I suspect every bi person in the village, male or female, has a huge fucking crush on her because if she was a modern tumblrina people would be responding to pictures of her with that "not to be a lesbian but oh my god" stuff. I headcanon her as being technically cishet, but culturally gay due to people being people about the whole Woman with Biceps thing, if that makes sense. Once she starts allowing herself some free time, she dates every bi man in the village.

Dolores: Morosexual. No offense Mariano.

Camilo: You know how gender is a product of your culture and different societies throughout history have had different ideas of how many genders there are and what it means to be a man or woman? I think being able to turn into a woman at will would have an effect on Camilo's relationship with his gender. Like, I don't know if he would be full nonbinary, because I have never met a shapeshifter and asked them how they feel about gender, but I can't imagine he sees gender as a rigid binary. Like I said, I try to stay grounded in my headcanons, and I have zero idea what the lived experience of a shapeshifter is, soooooo...?

Antonio: I have spent a long time weighing the options here, his association with animals makes me think he would be the least traditional Madrigal, so I would like to think he'd end up in the least conventional relationship. I posted a list of headcanons where I floated the idea of him being poly, but I like the idea of him being aroace better. I stand by the rest of it, though. He marries a lesbian, let's her girlfriend move in with them, and he's just kinda there. Like, the women consider themselves married to each other and he's just some guy who talks to birds. They're his best friends and thinks he's pretty great but the only time he has sex is when him and the wives want kids, and other than that he's just vibing. I arrived at this headcanon because I love the idea of him being sorta a reverse Bruno. Like, people think he has two wives so everybody assumes he's this total lady killer, they sing songs about how charming he is, rumors abound that he can make a girl swoon with a single smile, then you talk to him and he's just some guy. Occasionally, a woman will throw herself at him and he's like "No thanks" then starts having a conversation with her cat. Do you see my vision? Anyone? I don't care if nobody else thinks it's funny, because I'm giggling at my computer.

[pacificwanderer]

Soooooo what are your thoughts on the Rey film?

Hey Nonnie,

I have a lot of feelings LOL. None of my ire is directed at you, and I'm trying not to get too worked up given that we know who the director will be and that Daisy will be in it (everything is meant in a general sense, and it's just my feelings on the matter so whatever). Also, given their track record with directors and writers.... we'll see how it all ends up going!

As far as story, well...

So this is such a coincidence, given that I just saw Su//zume and was thinking that if anything that follows up TRoS ISN'T at least thematically similar to that movie, I don't want it. It still holds.

This is my interpretation, and if others don't agree. That's fine. I'm not really looking to argue with anyone or win anyone over lol. People are allowed to have different interpretations of media, but for me, TRoS didn't work. Both as a fan of the ST and as a lifelong fan of SW. And I don't know how they plan on moving forward with that fucking albatross weighing them down! I really don't!

My problem was and remains that TRoS IS NOT REY'S STORY or really any of the ST characters, it's all focused on the past and that's not a great way to build a point to go forward from. Hell, it's not really even a story so much as characters moving from one set piece to another in an effort to disguise how it's a movie that's basically serving one purpose: address and make up for prior criticism (mostly from re//ddit and prolific you//tubers).

I could go point by point about how that film was set up to make up for "disappointing" certain fans with how TLJ went, but I don't have the time rn for that (I have a lot of work to do in the next few days and not much time, but here i am on tumblr lol). I'm sure it's been done to death, anyway, but people far more eloquent than I.

That film is and was and ever will be is a reactionary film that was made to be an answer to very specific criticism from a very specific subset of the fandom, and it failed. Not only to address their criticisms but to stand on its own as a film. That story takes Rey, takes her character and her story, and reskins her to be Luke 2.0.

But they didn't want that. Those fans didn't want her to be a stand-in for Luke. They didn't want her to symbolically be a Sky//walker, they wanted her to BE one via BIRTH (Luke's daughter or whatever). What we got was insulting to those fans and to fans of TLJ. It's one of the more blatant examples of pandering that I can think of (even if it's badly done), and I really don't know if I'm ever gonna get over it entirely lol. Like I've mostly moved on because there are storytellers out there busting their ass telling stories that deserve to be told, so I have other things to focus on.

Rey's story needs to be her own, and I don't know how they're going to accomplish that given what's happened in TRoS. She's not her own character anymore. She's just... a vessel. Fuck I hate that. I hate saying that! I HATE IT! But that comes from the creators themselves! I love Rey! I wouldn't have written like three-quarters of a million words of fanfic about her world otherwise! AND THEY DID NOT. AND IT SHOWS.

And it's personally offensive to me that they took a character that I loved THE WAY SHE WAS and tried to make her fit for people who were committed to hating her from the start!!!! How dare they! And not just her, but what they did with the rest of the ST characters makes me so fucking angry i have a hard time being chill about it lol.

Anyway, I have some reservations about their ability to craft a tale that's going to honor her character and not just be some sort of way for Luke to jump in and take over the narrative again. As he's done before and will do again (hi there, man//do, nice luke you got there for no fucking reason).

Anyway, I very much try to keep to my own corner of the fandom because I just don't have the energy for much these days, so I'm sure other people have different feelings about it all. I hope it goes well! I doubt it will! Like Andor was great, but Tony is a great storyteller, and I don't think the person they've tacked on to finish the Rey script is capable of doing her justice (sorry bro, PB is good, but it's tragic, do I want that for Rey??? no).

Storytelling should be the first and foremost thing they're focusing on, and... I don't really trust them in that regard anymore. The SW ip is too all over the place, and there's a certain note of cynicism that just seems to infect everything these days. I'm fucking tired of the american monomyth, i'm tired of campbell redux (with no deeper thought or criticism of the aforementioned, just shallow retelling to tick of fucking plot points and NOTHING MORE).

It just... feels like they're trying to find their way without really thinking about what got them to this point. I hope it doesn't suck, but if it does, then there's always fanfic.

PERSONALLY idgaf about rebuilding the gd jedi temple, so i hope THAT changes because it's been done and they fucked up REPEATEDLY like how many movies do we really need of that!!!?? God, there's a whole wide sw universe out there, and they make it feel so small.

So fucking small. What a waste.

TLDR:

Anyway! Hope it works out for anyone who's interested. If anyone's really interested in how I'd like a post-tros narrative to go, please go see su//zume. i fucking adore it to bits and pieces.

Cheers, Nonne!

[okthatsgreat]

Putting the ocs into a nice situation for once, let's put them in Danganronpa S, who do you think they'd have some nice interactions with without all the killing game baggage.

OOOOOOOO OMG you know i love throwing literally any two characters together into platonic relationships. gonna format this one a bit differently i think :]]

lets throw these guys on a vacation!!!!!!!! lets fucking RELAX!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

honestly i can imagine interactions between every single character ever so I TRIED REALLY REALLY HARD TO NARROW DOWN SOME SPECIFIC ONES BUT EVEN THEN ITS STILL SO LONG AND IM SORRY HDBFGHGD

ANDI (how did she get there and why, wears a one piece i guess???)

positive interactions: with OTHER OCS i think the most immediate positive interaction she could have is with billie, just because they are from the same universe and canonically have "grown up" together in a sense. could definitely see a heartfelt moment there on this vacation :] with other danganronpa characters.......... hm. chihiro is immediately coming to mind because she is polite and would likely be interested in what the hell is going on. KEEBO WOULD ALSO BE REALLY COOL I THINK two different forms of artificial life with very different views on how they see themselves and humanity. could be awesome.

negative interactions: extremely difficult to have a "negative" interaction with andi because she is literally siri however if any of my ocs were to reach that then ummmmmmmmm ryobe. ryobe and maybe naomi bc shes just soooooo uncomfortable with it hfbjdg. for other danganronpa characters i can see a similar chihiro situation with miu where shes really interested in what makes andi tick however ..................... shes miu . so it will not be appropriate. and this isnt exactly negative but i can see her and kirumi getting stuck in this endless loop of "no, let me take care of YOU".

BILLIE (hates wearing a swim suit and acts so out of place half of the time, long swim shirt and board shorts)

positive interactions: with my ocs hmmmmm i can really see sae acting in a big sister kinda sense!!! theyre both a bit more mellow as well lol so they'd get along, not to mention they have this back and forth and being the listener vs talking a lot. i could also see billie and naomi relating to each other-- they probably meet each other bc theyre both hiding in the restaurant trying to get away from the noise LMAO. and with other danganronpa characters hmmmmmmmmm anybody who is chill. RANTARO ACTUALLY WOULD BE REALLY GOOD she would love his style so bad. AND ALSO NEKOMARU. JESUS CHRIST I CAN REALLY SEE HER AND NEKOMARU

negative interactions: with my ocs MIKA LOL. two ultimate lucky students both insecure as hell and not super chatty, one of them would say something vaguely catty and theyd be so petty the rest of the time LMFAO. also pippy because she is super loud and in her face. billie would be overwhelmed by a LOT of the danganronpa characters so unless theyre really nice she'd probably not get along with a lot of them hbfdjgbjdsghdjf. she would hate kokichi because she keeps getting wrapped up in his tricks but she just ....... keeps falling for it.................

ERIN/PIPPY (very loud and bouncy, frilly one piece swimsuit!!)

positive interactions: she'd get along with anybody who has high energy!!!! ryobe and her would go off into a corner and film a bunch of tiktok videos or something LMFAOOOOO but they'd be chill. her and naomi also already strangely get along just because she's very optimistic and tries to get naomi to talk to more people!! ibuki is a SOLID interaction (ibuki teaches her how to play more songs that arent strictly on brand!!), and i can ALSO see pippy and angie getting along like a house on fire. ALSO NOT NECESSARILY POSITIVE but for some reason i can see her and yasuhiro fucking around LMAO

negative interactions: pippy is definitellyyyyy not for the faint of heart so i can see a few people getting pretty quickly annoyed!! ummmmm i think she'd see a little too much of herself in kokichi LMAO and that interaction would turn sour real fast. she'd really struggle to play off of teruteru because she's so kid friendly and theyd both leave with odd tastes in their mouths. fuyuhiko/byakuya/maki would HATE her ass. ESPECIALLY maki because she would have no clue who pippy was and pippy would immediately without hesitation go "yeah you're unlike ANY child caregiver ive ever seen lol!!!!!!!!!! its almost like youre lying or something"

MIKA (she's pretty chill most of the time, two piece swimsuit with wrap around skirt)

positive interactions: she's nice enough, just not particularly chatty with the ultimates! her and yoshito are the most obvious pairing here, but she would also be pretty into sae i reckon. i can weirdly see her and maki having a bit of a rapport............ she'd also be pretty chill with hajime. just hanging out lol

negative interactions: wouldn't get along with makoto despite him probably not feeling as negatively about her lmao, for the same reason her and billie don't really get along!! same with nagito but mika would probably find more reasons to dislike him than just "i am insecure about my talent and you are a projection of that" lol. anybody who approaches her way too quickly with a "YOU NEED TO JOIN IN NOW!!!!" attitude would also deter her, which probably means she doesnt like kaito, nekomaru, POSSIBLY kaede all too much. and i think that kaito one would LASTTTT theyd just get so petty for some reason LMFAOOSDO

NAOMI (wow there sure are a lot of people here huh!!!! full body swimsuit)

positive interactions: she's very wary about who shes with even when she is supposed to be relaxing on a beach, which means it'd be a bit more difficult for her to make a whole lot of friends!! people like sae and rie are good just bc theyre pretty damn patient lol! i can also see her getting along with aoi over their respective athleticism. hell probably even ryoma too, also because they both got pretty fucked over in the backstory department lmfao. nekomaru and akane would scare the absolute shit out of her but if they were persistent enough i could see them being friends!!! also strangely i can see her and korekiyo????

negative interactions: anybody too loud or abrasive would frighten her, and that applies to a lottttt of danganronpa characters lmao. she's also fairly standard in that anybody mean or harsh would pretty quickly throw her off, so people like byakuya or hiyoko would definitely not get along with her!! on the opposite end of that spectrum i think if you put naomi and mikan in the same room together they would just meekly stand there until one of them starts hyperventilating

RIE (glamorous bikini and hair accessories, does NOT go in the water ever because she can't ruin her hair lmao)

positive interactions: this is rie's MOMENT. people pleaser to the MAX. honestly she can get along with soooooo many of these people if only because she just agrees with whatever the hell they're telling her. her and sayaka could have some pretty serious conversations about getting to where they are + their families i reckon :) her and sonia could be cool (pageant royalty versus ACTUAL royalty). her and mikan could be cute if only because rie is very very nice to her lol. and im afraid tenko would actually fall in love with her

negative interactions: junko would get so sick of her whole shtick IMMEDIATELY. and also i do not know why i really really do not know why but for some reason i just think her and toko would not get along at all lmao???????????

RYOBE (bathing shorts and unbuttoned shirt)

positive interactions: he's just a fucking goofball .......... he's going around with a watergun and shooting at anybody he can find......... he's easy to make friends with in a scenario where there is no killing game!! billie would think he's really funny and him and sae could idk go smoke a blunt or smth. he'd LOVE ibuki (and ANY cheerful character frankly), he'd reach out to a lot of the meeker characters so i can see him and chihiro/shuichi/mikan developing a bit of a rapport. him and kokichi are a dangerous ass pairing LMAO

negative interactions: any "no-nonsense" character would pretty quickly get irritated with him, so taka immediately fjkdgfjg. byakuya also................... he'd probably get on fuyuhiko's nerves pretty quick

SAE (board shorts and sports bra, always in that damnnnn water)

positive interactions: she's pretty easy-going, so i can see a lot more positive interactions than negative! she's a great listener to anybody who likes to ramble (tenko immediately comes to mind, i think saes wisdom could really balance out that dynamic. same with gundham honestly lmao), but she also appreciates anybody willing to do the same in return :) honestly i can see her going on old man rambles to shuichi or kyoko a lot ahbjfdhg. also her and sakura would be instant best friends. like they would never leave that fucking dock they would just sit there and be all wise and shit

negative interactions: saes pretty damn patient so a lot of these are NEUTRAL at best-- making her upset at you is a taskkkk, especially in a non-killing game scenario. anybody purposefully trying to push her buttons (hiyoko, kokichi) would be irritating for sure!! and while she doesnt take an IMMEDIATE distaste to people quick to violence (more often she just kinda sighs and tries to deter them), immediate violence against HER ticks her off. while i can see them becoming friends in the future, i think akanes immediate response of going "hey YOU look strong FIGHT ME NOW!!" might raise a whole lot of alarms in saes brain fghdkjgh

YOSHITO (board shorts and a short-sleeve swim shirt!!)

positive interactions: he's pretty easy to get along with! a bit of a pushover lmfaoo. he ALSO has a whole complex about trying to help people, which means he will gravitate to anybody who looks really sad or upset. he definitely talks to billie and naomi lol, probably also shuichi and toko!! could see some funny interactions between him and kaito, just because they're both trying to be encouraging forces but have pretty different ideas of what "being a hero" might mean!!!

negative interactions: his "i can fix you" mentality surely does not work on EVERYBODY hgdkgfjkgfg. kazuichi tries to make a joke like "yeah hahah my dad sucks" and immediately yasuhiro goes "Kazuichi it is Okay to be Hurt." totally kills the mood

OKAY JESUS CHRIST CUTTING MYSELF OFF THANK YOU SO MUCH!!!!

[sayitwityachest]

i really have a hard time with dealing with how people talk about dv or rather DON'T talk about it. The way i see it, this is practically the #1 feminist issue because it basically epitomizes the dynamic between oppressor and oppressed (obviously I'm talking about when a man abuses a woman). Like some women wanna talk about our supposed agency in the situation, and i hate to be a fucking downer, but for so many cases, it's just non-existent. I know this may shock a lot of people, but there are MANY women who have no idea there are services available to them to help escape these situations. I spoke to at least one who straight up admitted she didn't know there were women's shelters.

I think for a lot of people, this ignorances stems from how hard it can be to conceptualize having virtually NO support system. Having absolutely no one to rely on other than your abuser, and no one pointing out that your relationship isn't healthy. And other times (frequently) you have people pressuring you to suck it up and stay. We have one client with fucking babies with her abuser whose mom has been telling her she needs to stay with him despite knowing all he has done to her AND that he has a fucking kill kit in his car (rope, tape, shovel, knives, gloves, etc). This shit is WILD and so many people have no idea how bad it can be.

And those are just the super dangerous situations. I've been around DV my entire life, most people have, but just don't realize it. It's not hard to just look and see WHY this shit happens. Money, kids, lack of education/independence, the extremely poor, debalitating self-esteem that is so common in women- these are just a few of the base level factors.

And feminism is about realizing that, seeing women's position in life as it really fucking is, and trying to help women liberate themselves. So, all that being said, fucking shrugging your shoulders like "oh geez idk just dont date men" is soooooo fucking stupid

[annoyingfobbie]

i hope midtown sucked balls. no fair that i literally have to suffer daily through being a jersey girl and u just take fun girls nights with gabe saporta (totally don’t use this as an excuse to post extensively abt the show bc i know it kicked ass and u want to share & i want to hear about it)

IT WAS GREAT!!! I met up there with one of my best friends internet friends and SHE MET GABE????? fucking awesome as hell, she like went to go do something before the show and i was holding our spots at the barricade (because this was. you know. an actual show with an actual barricade at an actual venue. also she really wanted barricade because GABE SAPORTA) and then she comes back and is like "I mnet gabe saporta. he shook my hand" KJLSHGJLKSFGHJK??????

after the show we went out back to see if the band was gonna come out to meet people, but then it turned out that gabe was inside, side stage, tlaking to people, so we were like, okay lets go in there. but they were all like NO REENTRY which is SUCH BULLSHIT anyways i made up something about forgetting my hoodie in there but they were like "okay we'll send someomne in to look for it" so i wouldn'tve been able to go in so i was just like "oh wait my friend just texted me that she found it" so anyways i came SO CLOSE to meeting Gabe but alas i did not.

BUT! THE BEST NEWS IS!!! They kept talking about making this Midtown show YYEARLY THING. And at the end they wrre like "SEE U NEXT YEAR" SOOOOOO,,,,,,, DON'T LOSE HOPE YET BECAUSE NEXT YEAR YOU AND I CAN TOTALLY GO AND SEE THEM AND MAYBE MEET THEM AND SHIT!!!

about the actual show: they were fucking awesome, they were all clearly having a lot of fun, Gabe is so tall holy shit, Tyler is like so hot, the crowd was dead as hell during the openers which was sad but went crazy for Midtown (i hate when that happens but you know thats life i guess :/).

as SOON as Midtown came out, these two men in like their forties like SHOVED themselves up against the barricade RIGHT between my friends internet friend (who i'm just gonna refer to as my frined from here on out lol) and I were standing, so we got separated by these giant dudes, and I was being full onm like SQUISHED between this guy and the person on the other side of me, like, it was insane, my shoulders were being destroyed, but i was NOT gonna move, because i was front and center and I really didn't want anyone to be in front of me and slam their head back into my new piercings fksdjhghkgfdj. anyways, the guy was nice though, he checked on me like a million times throughout the show being like "if you need me to move just let me know!" which was total bullshit bc this man was NOT about to give up barricade, he and his friend were like going so fucking crazy, like they were biggest midtown fans of all time. but yeah he was nice, and everytime there were crowd surfers over us (which was a LOT because like,,, barricade. and there were just a lot of crowd surfers, more than I've experienced at any other show before) he would like tell me to duck down and cover my head and then when they were gone hed like like "are you good?" and i sort of jsut wanted to be like "sir i can fucking handle myself" but i didn't because its always nice when bigger people in the crowd look out for the 5'2 bitches like me. Anyways I DID get kicked/kneed/elbowed in the head a few times from crowd surfers but each time I barely felt it, it was totally fine. This one girl next to me got kicked REAL hard during the encore though, i genuinely think she got some sort of minor concussion or something, she looked very out of it afterwards. everyone kept checking on her including like security and Tyler and anyone around her in the crowd but she kept just saying she was totally fine and didn't need medical attention. but like. i realllllly hope she went to the medical people afterwards because she did NOT look okay.

afterwards I managed to get a setlist! I've never gotten a setlist before, nor have I ever like met a band i'm a fan of (not including hc shows were the bands aren't famous and therefore just hang out with everyone for the rest of the show), so that was really exciting for me!

but omg i really hope they're able to pull through on the yearly thing because i wanna see them again so fucking bad and also it'd be fucking awesome to see them with you!!!

[melto]

Ive been following you for years and I love seeing your hc/long posts even when I dont super know what they are about I just think you have such a fun/smart way of thinking about things. I miss it you should start doing it again…So uh what are your favorite hcs about this ENGR crew?

ough this is such a sweet ask thank u i love u im glad u enjoy them wwhjkhsglrkjgfdl

hmm.....favorites for them....i have so many i think about them like 24/7. let me say this first: korn is a trans man to me and chang uses any pronouns (hot girl at a bar hitting on him really changed him i see it clearly). also mo is 5'6 and korn is just barely taller and never lets mo forget. just for some little things i feel very strong abt<3 but anywayss

pat mindlessly plays with his friend's hair mindlessly. like specifically braids it. he used to do it all the time for pa and he doesnt even notice at first that he's doing it until like one time he's ranting to korn and he tugs a little too hard and korn shouts but never tells pat to stop or anything. just does it all the time and they looovveee it and if they all have pat gifted braids in their hair at the same time they r so annoying about it. they just go around with matching hair and pat gets sooo embarrassed bc they wont shut up about how their bestie did it for them literally if you even glance in their direction they will tell you

engr besties cuddling...they are so obviously just an overly touchy group they've always got an arm around shoulders or hand on the back, half sitting in laps and all the like. no concept of personal space in that friend group!!! they like to be close to each other!! and they get fake jealous if they get left out of the affection which is how 50% of the time they find themselves in a cuddle pile, the other half is intentional/just kinda happens bc they drift together. korn is 100% someone who likes to hold people he's always wrapped around one or multiple of them. mo likes to spread out and it works well bc he's the smallest. chang likes to nestle up. like curl into people's laps or lay his head there or on a shoulder. pat's pretty fine with any arrangement he just likes being able to touch everyone in some way like korn wrapped around him, mo's legs in his lap, and a hand stretched all the way over so he can touch chang's arm. he does start to like get all >:( if anyone tries to like spoon him after he and pran start dating bc it simply never feels as nice so it makes him irritated. korn and pat are kinda chronic overheaters, korn gets whiney about it but pat doesnt notice its just everyone else's problem. chang runs super cold and mo is just normal. he's fine and normal in this department. they dont usually use blankets though bc they will fucking die then. esp if they are squeezed tight. they are convinced they can all fit anywhere until it blows up in their faces. pat lovveess playing with his friends' hair and hands and they all love when he does. mo falls asleep super easy when he gets cozy. korn thinks its funny to just randomly shake them around sometimes or just full on start trying to get everyone to wrestle with him with only works like 40% of the time. chang, surprisingly, is the one who talks the most like sometimes its just a normal hangout session so they are all just having normal conversations but on the days where its like more sleepy/quiet chang just kinda fills up the space by like monologuing about something he found interesting recently or whatever. they also have like a very specific way of holding each other when one of them needs some Serious comfort. it varies per person, like after the (fake) break up, korn and chang would glue to pat's sides and mo would lay across their laps and hold one of pat's hands and they'd usually watch something or pat would feel safe enough to vent. but yeah they all have a special comfort cuddle setup...they love each other soooooo much that it's embarrassing. and oh my god? pran is not safe? they walk in and see him and pat cuddling and they just fucking leap onto that couch and snuggle in best they can everyone wants to be close to pran bc he's their special guy! and he gives very good rubs and sometimes gives their heads a little kiss (which they all do to each other but its different bc again! its pran!) and pran feels so nice and loved but he cannot last very long bc it gets so hot so fast and he does not enjoy being sweat on by multiple people for more than maybe 45 minutes. sometimes inkpa join. pa's a lot more used to it and has a higher tolerance but both would much rather just be cuddling each other. with them it is just like a prolonged group hug basically, korn once got a black eye trying to keep ink in longer and she hit him in the struggle. they love each other (:

pa gets sooo many brothers. like she has pat and pran but she also get korn mo and chang and they all love her soooo much (society if i finish my fic abt this>)

ive talked about it before (mostly in reference to korn and pat's relationship) but i think the engr crew has an interesting relationship with violence and anger. pran being the catalyst in the change in it since it allows pat to become further removed from those things which leads to the other 3 to do so as well. i have a lot to say.

chang breaks him arm and the next day mo shows up with his broken too so korn and pat are like dude what the fuck happened and mo is just like oh i didnt want chang to feel weird being the only one ): the only reason korn and pat dont do the same is bc pran stops them. korn mo and chang were having a really hard time when pat got shot bc they could not easily recreate it for themselves to share his pain

korn mo and chang love pran so fucking much not an ounce of this is just out bestie's bf in them pran is THEIR special guy!

silly little group of bisexuals<3

months after the (fake) breakup starts to die down pat’s out at a bar with his buddies and chang just is like “this was pran’s favorite appetizer here” and then both he and mo just start drunkenly bawling about how much they miss pran leaving pat and korn to comfort them

korn mo and chang take that fake break up SOO hard. korn at least knows its fake but he still doesnt get to see his guy as much as he wants now but mo and chang? Devastated. oh i have so much to say i have many visions that make me so ]: (society if i finished this fic lol>)

they have secret handshakes

they like to tease pat for how down bad he is and force him to share his bf. pat's out there acting like a chauffeur bc they make pran squeeze in the back with them. shouldnt have gotten such an epic bf if he didnt want to deal with the consequences

Simply they love each other so much and are so supportive and learn to navigate newfound vulnerability with each other which allows them to just continue to grow closer and into the people they actually want to be<3

[moisummertime]

Soooooo this week I finally back to my sleep schedule, enjoying itsy bitsy of naps, and have all my shits just back to as it used to. The smoke season actually help me a lot. All I need to do is just to surrender, let go, and forgive. That everything happened because they supposed to work that way. It's in past anyway, what else you can do? grieving? stay angry? in denial? avoiding it? One thing I always try to trust is action. whatever underly those actions someone choose to take, at the end whatever they do matters the most because they choose it. Remember what they said, "Action speak louder than words." I don't want to argue, get angry, or just being sad af all the time. I want to just keep using love as verb, as action, but I def have short temper so yea I consider that as one of form of love? lmao. Now what I want is to manifest the kind of person I want to be and be with. You put things into words, it becomes prayer. And I hope God hear this because yep, Im done playing. Thank you for sending me another ultimatum in life. I get back on track, God. This is something that I just recently found that this is important. I want a partner that willing to go on counseling with me. This is a big time realization after a whole month learning more skills on being a better partner. I had no idea that it's so fucking difficult to have a relationship yet so many people don't even work that hard for it. They don't even take care of themselves well, how they will be a great partner for you? The complexity of human relationship is whoa... so much layers. You bring your whole life into it and try to navigate it together and work on it together... for as long as you are willing to do it. I don't consider myself a quitter, but when I decided Im quitting, there's no way back. I'll be totally numb and it's even harder to restart everything. So that's pretty much why after I broke up with Zach, I burned down so many bridges with so many people, men mostly. No one from my past is allowed to have access to my current life. I built this peace above so many painful experiences they caused me. Honestly, I don't mind losing people. Although now Im trying to be softer on this one, sometimes it's still tough. Because you will never the same person once someone gave you a plot twist that change the whole things in so many different layers. But this year, since I try to approach things with love and understanding, which also that means I'll be giving so much with no return nor expecting it at all, it's kinda tough since it challenge what worked for me before. It's kinda put a soft reset on my system, and now Im trying to update it the way windows update do it.

I consider myself a give and everyone just telling me to stop. It drains me, and I had to agree with them. My issue is that I always end up being the one that invested so much without a fair/equal effort in return. When they said that love should be unconditional, well, I can but throwing unconditional love without getting the same thing in return, who wants that? I saw so many couples seemed to have a loving relationship, but it's all on surface. no one knows what is hidden behind those sweet display. whether it was a constant work, fights, tears, idk. No one knows the layers that was hidden. but one thing, they make it seems like it works for them. they at least work together to put things great for the eyes of others. Most people know I talk a lot about my struggles. I never really try to hide it. Being vulnerable in the eye of public is seems scary but somehow for some friends, they found it relieving to see that they're not the only one struggling with their demon. One of my friend from volunteering work in Uni struggled a lot, and when she knows I also not well enough we start to connect again and make fun of our misery. Joke is def a bad coping mechanism, but god I've cried enough, I just wanna laugh a bit. another friend said that I am an emotional slut but confident enough to be just super open about those shits. I do have a private journals which I usually use to talk about more stuff in deeper level. I put the name, the date, the details, how I feel about that, I don't leave any details behind. which is kinda annoying me to know that I remember every detail of everything. And Honestly, when I gave this, I expect the same thing in return. I don't want to be the only one vulnerable and open alone. and I fuuuuuuuucking hate it when I have to ask something in return. Men, please be sensitive and sensible. But one thing I like most is being respected. You can disrespect me in bed, but outside bedroom you need to be respectful. I don't know why men these days have a very low respect towards women, me especially. Okay I think that's my rants for today. Im gonna eat some pineapple :3

[m1ckeyb3rry]

hello, i hope you’re doing fine! just read the new chapter of sith and came to banter about it again!!

- i’ve always wondered how colt felt about his little brother being a warrior candidate and i’m so glad you chose to touch on it in this chapter! of course, he would be upset but i also find myself thinking like was he angry or maybe disappointed in marley? because i’m pretty sure that in the first place he thought that him becoming a candidate would be enough to fix his family’s reputation and when he found out that that wasn’t the case, he must’ve been disappointed. it’s so sad to think that the moment colt was born, he kind of became the “savior” of the family and even though i’m sure that his parents love him and everything, they probably saw him as some kind of “pawn” to save themselves. i can imagine colt not wanting the same fate for his baby brother but not being able to do anything about it must be infuriating as hell. i’m sorry i just can’t help but feel awful about colt’s position in his parents’ lives🥲

- i truly enjoyed some heartwarming moments with y/n’s parents in this chapter, it was just so sweet🥺🥺 and we can now see that her mom is starting to get used to colt’s presence in her life, hopefully she’ll warm up to him a bit more!

- i must admit that nursery rhyme was so clever on your part. anyone who deals with some sort of anxiety knows the urgency to indulge into something familiar. y/n having a comfort rhythm hits too close to home.

- MY FAVORITE PART in the entire chapter was the banter between our fav trio😭 I JUST LOVE THEM SO MUCH. when they were talking about falco having a crush on gabi and friedrich coughing knowingly?? i died, that was soooooo funny. following that colt talking about cordelia and friedrich almost choking?? sooooo funny😭 and when y/n said that she would prefer spending her days with two of them even if she were a queen… i melted. i just want to protect them at all costs

- i absolutely loved your descriptions of the little warrior candidates, they were PERFECT. i was smiling the whole time i was reading that part. “a devilish grin compared to falco’s angelic frown” is a perfect way to describe gabi! gabi and falco truly compliment each other because they are literally the opposite. why are the grice boys so sweet😭 y/n mistaking gabi for alice was so fucking sad… my mood went down immediately after reading that.

to be honest, this was one of my favorite recent chapters! after the athyaen war, everything got a bit darker and i’m sure that it’s going to get even more darker, and i’m not complaining! but i just loved reading some light stuff and y/n being with her favorite people in the world and showing affection🥰 i also must say that i love your writing. the dialogues, the descriptions… it’s easy to read but descriptive when necessary. another amazing chapter🥰

HII!! I’m doing well. Or at least as well as I can considering it’s winter and I hate the cold 😭 but I love banter so I was happy to get another long ask :)

- colt’s relationship with his family always makes me so sad because like he really has had no other choice and he’s just so kind that he doesn’t even complain, he genuinely wants to save them (esp falco) and the fact that he can’t protect falco from being a candidate while knowing what the candidates go through is so hard for him. and i agree with what you said about his parents!! i actually think it was mentioned somewhere in the first chapter of sith let me find it

“This isn’t news to them. They’ve always been more hands-off with me; I’m their sacrificial lamb, remember? Falco’s the one they really care about; though, to be fair, it’s almost impossible to not care about Falco. Anyways, as I was saying, they’ve had years to prepare for this day. I promise you, they’re not upset about any of this,” he said.

that was when they were waiting to hear about who got into the candidacy program and y/n was telling her father to stop crying lol simpler times 😢 but yes although colt’s parents don’t dislike him and certainly love him, they’ve always kind of been resigned to his eventual death so they were just never as close with him as y/n’s parents are with her if that makes sense.

- speaking of her parents, i’m glad you like them!! i didn’t want to go the typical dead/absent parent route that’s so common in fics, but i wanted them to be realistic, too. i try to make them have typical human reactions to things like their daughter not coming home when she said she would, although at the same time, y/n isn’t exactly a typical kid, she’s a highly trained soldier, which is hard for her parents to balance. honestly i feel so bad for them because they deserve better…then again who doesn’t in this fic HAHAHA

- thank you!! i wanted to show that she’s doing her best to find coping mechanisms, and even if they’re not foolproof, they help at least a little. slowly but surely she’s finding a new sort of normal which is super important i think. this arc (which is actually almost finished!) and the next are mostly about the trio recovering from athyae so there’ll be a lot of finding little things that help them get through each day. i think a lot of the time the lasting impacts of things like war are glossed over in fiction and for some stories it works but ship in the harbor is one where i really want to show the effects it has on the characters! although there’s a lot of plot in the story, it’s also very internal/character focused, so i thought it didn’t make sense for y/n to do what she did in athyae and just bounce back immediately and be perfectly fine yk?? which is why there’s literally going to be ten chapters of just her mental state improving (amongst other things ofc)

- HAHAHA I MISSED THE TRIO TBH!! the three of them haven’t been together for a while, and the last time was on the train from athyae to liberio so y/n was in a VERY different headspace — it was immediately after her mirror-destroying mental breakdown LMAOO so there was minimal room for banter there. but they’re back with a vengeance now and thank goodness 😭 FRIEDRICH IS GENUINELY MY FAV CHARACTER EVER i think the way he’s the biggest y/n x colt shipper while simultaneously being totally in love with y/n is the funniest thing. the scenes with him and colt together are so much fun to write because they feed off of each other in such a strange way. honestly i think that the only time the boys act their ages is when they’re together which is so personal to me 😩 they really are best friends!! AND THEN YOU ADD IN Y/N AND IT’S JUST EVERY EMOTION POSSIBLE UGH I LOVE THEM TOO (but that won’t stop me from making them suffer)

- the little warrior candidates are so cute tbh!! i had a lot of fun describing them. even just through their looks i think you can tell a lot about their personalities! and i realized the alice/gabi parallels while writing and it made me so upset 😐 and the way alice was always jealous of y/n and now gabi idolizes her for being the “hero of athyae”…also the way y/n literally hates how she was in athyae and now she’s famous for it KILLS ME like no one is ever going to let her forget about it because they all think it’s so badass that she literally took down an entire country. meanwhile every time someone mentions athyae she gets actual flashbacks and has to leave 😭

- THE GRICES ARE THE SWEETEST BOYS EVER i think it was so funny when gabi was kind of shit talking colt and he was just like 😊 the entire time. canonically (i think it was mentioned as a fun fact at some point? which i just realized i didn’t do one for this chapter lol rip) all three of the trio are good with children but i think colt LIKES kids the most. he’d be such a good father one day ugh what a shame isayama killed him off 😒 keeping it undercover whether i’ll go the canon route w him or not 😁

this chapter felt like a breath of fresh air after everything w athyae and it was nice to write! i think that the impact of the more angsty/darker scenes is lessened when there’s no happiness to balance it out. for example — to me at least — hadrian and y/n’s ending was so much worse because we saw how happy she was with the amatas. that’s why i like showing occasional moments of happiness and lightheartedness with the trio!! it just makes it hurt more to read while knowing what’s to come 😈 and yes sith will get dark again soon (about six chapters from now, so the remaining chapter of this arc and then all of the next arc), but for now it should be pretty relaxing — more chapters like this one! because we all need time to decompress and recover from the entire defeat of athyae arc. also there just really won’t be many more “downtime” chapters after the next arc so i’m putting it all in now so that i don’t feel as bad about pretty much solely causing the trio trauma for like 65 chapters straight

AHH i’m so happy to hear you like my writing style! sith has been my longest ongoing story so it’s seen a huge evolution in my style, and i’m sure as i continue to write it will continue to evolve (we’re only about a quarter of the way through the story so it’ll definitely be some time before it’s finished which leaves plenty of room for development and improvement) the difference between the beginning and latest/ending chapters of the story will only grow, but i’m pretty happy with my style atm. i don’t like sounding pretentious or poetic for the sake of sounding poetic if that makes sense?? like i think some writers focus more on how pretty a sentence sounds instead of how functional it is, and although i do love pretty sentences, i think it’s important to also have them make sense and be comprehensible. i also love writing dialogue haha i think that’s what i get complimented on the most!! it’s just very fun for me to imagine entire conversations in my head…tbh sometimes writing dialogue feels more like i’m just transcribing what the characters are saying more than i am making something entirely knew up as weird as that sounds HAHA. but i’m glad you liked the chapter and thank you for reading!!

[1eos]

hope this is ok 2 send but i really resonated w the anon you got earlier who talked about being mixed with racist white relatives like!!! i'm the same way i don't talk to a single person from my dad's side of the family bc of the way that having close relationships with some of them fucked me up so much in the past. tbh i know it's personal projection but i don't trust white ppl who get into relationships w people of color with plans to have kids because i don't personally know a single white person ready to do the work of unlearning their own racist biases + raising their biracial children with the full love/care/support/understanding/protection that they deserve + prepared to hold their relatives accountable for their racism and stand up for their kids. i have experienced and heard from friends too many horror stories and like u said facing that racism from your own family really does a number on ur psyche. anyways hope u have a good night <3

i typed out this long ass answer to this but stupid ass tumblr deleted it so here we go part 2. firstable i am so sorry you went through that anon 😔😔😔😔😔 thank god you can be separated from that part of the family. it’s a shame that so many people have to go thru that!!!! and i’m the same way tbh like i can’t help but to side eye white ppl that exclusively wanna date and have kids with people of color. like ik you should say it’s partially confirmation bias bc mixed kids with parents that actually have that racial awareness aren’t out here like ‘look at me i don’t have any racism based trauma from people in my family’. BUT at the same time i hear so many stories and anecdotes from mixed kids (or kids of color adopted by white parents) about how their parents did absolutely NO work on unlearning implicit racial biases. 

a lot of these white ppl are dregging up that stupid ass ‘colorblind’ shit but it’s like? that works for YOU it won’t work for your CHILD who is literally a person of color and unless they are crazy white passing and hide their parent of color they will never have the privilege of going thru life colorblind. like? it feels like not enough ppl are sitting themselves down and truly learning the reality of racism. are you willing to listen to the concerns and advice of your inlaws when it comes to race or are you gonna take it as a slight to your parenting skills? are you willing to go non contact with your racist family members? are you ready to pick up on the signs of your child facing possible racism in schools? bc it will fucking happen?

there are soooooo many things to consider when having a child of color bc we DO live in a racist society nd you do your child an absolute disservice when you don’t prepare them for the realities of that. or even worse brush them off when they try to talk about any feelings of race they feel!!!!!!! growing up is hard enough as is without having to navigate race politics on your own!!!!!

and one last thing when i was in college there was this asian girl that was very vocal about how she was adopted by white parents and i will never forget someone (a nonblack) brought up n word discourse nd this girl was like ‘idk why i can’t say it’. and when someone asked how she would react if someone called her an anti-asian slur she said she wouldn’t care and while i don’t know this girl i couldn’t help but to think that her ignorant behavior that whole convo was so reminiscent of that bullshit ‘i don’t see color we’re all human’ shit white ppl perpetrate while still benefitting from the racial hierarchy. and not only did that girl almost get her ass beat trying to be colorblind idk it just feels sad that your cracker parents have essentially divorced you from not only your culture but any kind of possible solidarity with virtually any person of color bc your white parents are in la la land 

[fuwahiko]

NOT ME TAKING LITERAL DAYS TO FIGURE OUT HOW MUCH BACKSTORY I WANTED TO GIVE THIS AND ACCIDENTALLY CLOSING THE APP AND LOSING WHAT I HAD WHEN I WAS FINALLY GETTING SOMEWHERE I-

Im a disaster but i finally got my head on straight alright HERE'S SOME OUMOTA FOR YA

SO. The V3 kids have gone on the town to hang out. Why? They were sick of always going to Amami's house. They needed a change of scenery. What are they doing? Karaoke? Bowling? Who knows. But they're all making fun of each other.

Their collective love language towards each other is bullying.

At some point, a lot of people get hungry. Miu, for some ungodly reason, yells at Kokichi to go and order for them. And bring the food down when it's done. For some even ungodlier reason, Kokichi agrees. Without an argument. Not even an insult.

He does kiss Kaito while flipping everyone off before walking off, but now everyone's scared of what the gremlin's planning. Only Kaito's safe if Kokichi's got something planned. Boyfriend priveleges work...sometimes.

With Kokichi, he's waiting for everyone's food when someone shouts his name...or something close to it. Intrigued, he turns around and immediately tenses up. But only slightly.

It his ex-boyfriend. Kokichi never wanted to see this ex (who i call Fuckface McAsshole) again. It wasn't healthy, and when he tried to break it off, said ex lost it and dragged shit out for a week and a half. Kokichi was about to turn and rush towards Kaito and the others, because safety in numbers (plus Kaito could throw a mean punch), but the ex got there first. He had also accidentally left his phone on the table with the others.

There was no calling for help. Kokichi was stuck.

So he was forced to play the long game. He didn't wanna make a scene in such a public place. He let his ex talk and talk and talk while retaining none of what he was saying. When the ex noticed Kokichi wasn't listening, he commented. ("...why aren't you listening to me, Ko? Got somewhere better to be? With people that actually want you around? Fucking doubt it.")

When he hears that, Kokichi snaps. Not completely, but enough to get snappy

"Actually, my friends and boyfriend are waiting on their food. I'm here to get their food. And I can't hear the person calling out numbers because of your blabbering. So be quiet."

Kokichi knew he shouldn't have snapped. He knew as soon as his ex's eyes widened, then narrowed. He'd never admit it, but that look made him slightly nervous.

From there, everything escalates very quickly. Quicker than Kokichi anticipated. It's about to get real ugly in two seconds. And everyone's going to hear and stare at whatever's going to go down.

......soooooo now i hand it off to you. What exactly happens between Kokichi and his ex? How do the V3 kids find out about all this, and how do they react? How does Kokichi react after that fiasco? And what do they all (extra emphasis on Kaito bc Oumota) do to try and comfort and/or cheer up Kokichi after THAT?

(Did i listen to "Happier than Ever" by Billie Eilish when i thought of this...maybe i did and maybe i didn't. You can't prove anything.)

this is a really interesting scenario! kokichi feeling so backed up into a corner like that is certainly unusual, for one thing.

ok ok so I like the idea of like, kokichi trying to work on himself a lot. dude needs therapy. and in this au I can see it being the case that kokichi has been working through stuff a lot and has managed to become so close with everyone because of that - like I'm sure in a non despair au he wouldn't be quite so... ~the way that he is~ anyway, but he'd likely still have a lot of issues and struggle to get along with everyone at first, but then with some encouragement from someone he trusts and gets along with more (kaito? maybe someone else? maybe it's more of a slowburn with him getting closer to kaito?) he'd eventually start going to therapy and start slowly working on himself, as well as starting over with some people he maybe started off on the wrong foot with before. it might take some time, but eventually even the people that really didn't get along with him start to open up a little and try to understand him more, and he does the same for them. everyone sees how hard kokichi is trying, and he's really changing for the better, and that inspires them to work on themselves too and it brings everyone a lot closer.

so. when kokichi's ex shows up, it stirs all of this awfulness inside of him, all of this bitterness. it ends up starting to pull at the worst things within kokichi, trying to bring it all to the surface, and kokichi is trying his hardest to stop himself from saying something horrible, from making a scene, from making every stranger in the area turn to look at him with that look that makes him want to disappear. he's trying so hard not to fall back into old habits and old behaviours; he's been working so hard and finally things are looking up for once.

but then he slips up.

he knew he shouldn't have said anything, but his ex wasn't going to leave him alone anyway, and suppressing his own emotions was getting too difficult, so he had to do something. but now his ex was glaring at him even more than before, and kokichi could feel the rage radiating from him, and he immediately regretted ever opening his mouth. but he'd already come this far, and his ex had backed him so far into the corner that all kokichi could do was bite back just as hard.

kokichi's ex raised his voice, and it was like the floodgates had been opened. everything he was saying was blurring together into an endless string of sharp needles that pierced into kokichi, targeting all of his weak points, hurting him over and over, each needle piercing deeper than the last. kokichi snapped back, his own voice just as loud, throwing insult after insult and trying to dig up all that he could think of to hurt him back, trying to find just the right words to hurt his ex even deeper than he had hurt him, all the while a smirk spread across his face as kokichi pretended like he was enjoying himself, enjoying this conflict, but with every word he fired back he only felt more hatred towards himself. it was a form of self destruction, and now that he'd started hurting himself, kokichi didn't know how to stop.

just when kokichi felt like his own self hatred was going to swallow him whole, he half-registered footsteps growing louder just out of view. then, before he knew it, suddenly his ex was being lifted off the ground in front of him.

kokichi's eyes widened as he finally processed what he was looking at. it was kaito. kaito was here and he had grabbed the ex by his shirt and lifted him up, a furious expression spread across kaito's face.

"the fuck are you doing to kokichi?!" kaito practically roared as he held his free hand in a fist.

after maybe a brief moment of relief, kokichi felt fear and panic grab hold of him, and when he met eyes with kaito he seemed to immediately understand exactly what he was feeling.

kaito let go, letting kokichi's ex drop and stumble as he found his footing. "sorry. I wasn't gonna do anything, I didn't mean to scare you." kaito looked ashamed now, and he turned away from kokichi for a moment. kaito had been working on himself a lot too, specifically dealing with anger issues and his tendency to resort to violence when things got hard to deal with, and he'd been making a lot of progress. kaito knew he would've decked this guy if kokichi hadn't looked so upset, and he felt horrible about it. he felt awful that he was just reverting back to his usual ways, and he felt even more awful because he'd made kokichi feel worse, even if only for a second. he felt like such a disappointment. kokichi felt horrible too, and he felt like it was his own fault that kaito had gotten so worked up, that if he'd just dealt with his ex in another way then kaito never would've gotten dragged into this. kokichi had brought the worst out of himself, and now he felt he was doing the same to kaito, pulling him down with him.

just then, security showed up and asked them to leave. kokichi and kaito both had the thought of telling them that the ex was the problem and that they'd just been going about their day until he started shit, but neither of them said anything, just left without making any more fuss. they gave them their money back for the food at least, but now the whole thing had just been a waste.

when they grouped up with the others outside again, kaito holding kokichi's hand as they walked, everyone was chatting and laughing together as they had been doing all day, but they all quickly realised something was up as they saw how shaken kokichi looked and how kaito's face was scrunched up with frustration. of course they'd also seen that the two of them were empty handed, but that wasn't their main concern.

"guys? what's wrong?" kaede rushed over to see them, a look of worry spread across her face. kaito squeezed kokichi's hand a little tighter as he told them all what he'd walked in on. he decided to do the talking himself, knowing kokichi was struggling at the moment and not wanting him to have to explain everything on top of that. he didn't really know what had been happening exactly, but he'd gathered that this guy had been kokichi's ex, and he knew he'd started something with kokichi because he knew that kokichi would never start anything like that himself now.

maki suggested they all move to somewhere quieter, so they headed down a nearby street that lead to an open area with a park that was surrounded by a long wall that was low enough to sit on. kaito sat with kokichi on the wall, pulling him in close at his side and wrapping his arm around him firmly, reassuringly. kaede sat on kokichi's other side, speaking gently and offering to let him borrow her earphones to listen to some music to help him calm down. he refused, but he appreciated the thought. himiko sat on the grass at his feet in silence, but he knew her well enough now to know she was trying her best to support him, even if she didn't know what to say or do. shuichi and maki sat down beside kaito, who was calmer now, but concerned for kokichi and still upset with himself.

"it's all my fault..." kokichi mumbled sadly, his head resting against kaito and his hand clinging onto his shirt. "it's not your fault. he started it, didn't he?" kaito questioned, already knowing the answer. "not that. I mean... I got you involved." kaito ran the hand that was holding kokichi up and down gently along his arm to comfort him, his free hand reaching to stroke his hair. "don't worry about that, that's not your fault at all. I shouldn't have lost my cool. ...sorry again about startling you." kokichi shook his head. kaito felt kokichi's body start shaking, and he realised he was crying. "I'm the worst... I'm the worst, I'm the worst, I'm the worst." kokichi cried as he buried his face further and tried to hide away. "nothing's changed, I'm just as shitty and horrible and worthless as I always have been... I should've just... done things different... but I did the same as I always do..."

of course. kaito finally realised the real reason why he was so upset. sure he was upset over his ex showing up and the nasty things he'd been saying, but now that they were away from him he was more upset with himself than anything, because he'd worked so hard and he felt like none of that work had actually gotten him anywhere. he felt like change wasn't possible, because if he'd reacted that way then to him that surely meant that he was exactly the same as he'd always been, despite how much he'd tried.

"hey. that's not true and you know it." kaito was about to continue, but miu interrupted. "yep, that's bullshit. ha! if you think you're terrible, that guy sounds ten times worse! what a loser." gonta also spoke up, obviously very upset that anyone would raise their voice at his friend. "hmm... that not how gentleman should act. should be polite, even if ex doesn't like you."

"kokichi, we can all see how far you've come and how hard you've been working, so please don't beat yourself up over this one time. that guy is the one at fault, he put you in a difficult position, a really difficult position, and you wouldn't have reacted that way otherwise." kaede reassured him. "she's right, you wouldn't do that unless you felt you had no other choice." shuichi agreed as he handed kokichi some tissues. kokichi had calmed down somewhat, but he needed to get his emotions out still, so everyone waited patiently, offering words of support every so often, kaito still holding him and placing a few kisses on the top of his head, until kokichi stopped crying and pulled away, sitting up and drying his eyes.

angie jumped up off of the grass. "we should do something fun!" rantaro looked up at her from where he was sitting. "you mean like a distraction?" "nyahahaha! yes! doing something fun will help kokichi take his mind off things and feel better!" "do you have something in mind?" kiibo asked. angie thought about it for a moment. "hmm... nope!" rantaro sighed. "we shall just have to think of something, and we should also find somewhere else to eat as well." kirumi said as she stood up, dusting off the front and back of her dress.

ideas began getting thrown around and the atmosphere lightened up quickly - everyone chatting and suggesting fun things to do together, kokichi just quietly listening, but feeling a lot more comfortable again and appreciating his friends' efforts to cheer him up. it wasn't too long before kokichi was joining in, though, and everyone was relieved to see him slowly returning to his usual self; a bit immature, sometimes annoying, but funny, sweet, so full of life. kokichi was someone they'd all grown to love, no matter how things might have started out for some of them with him, and he wasn't at all who he thought he was when he was feeling down on himself. they hoped that one day kokichi would finally understand that.

[1990jeevas]

Plesse tell me about queerness in the get down!!

okay okay queerness in the get down let's fuckn goooo

disclaimer: I havent watched this show in full for like 5 months at least, probably gonna get something wrong and/or forget some more important bits. also this wasnt proof read I just word vomited

tws: period typical homophobia, abuse mention, f slur use, bury your gays trope, overdose mention, mention of a creepy possible age gap (the age gap hasnt been confirmed so that's why its possible), cops

going from least to most prominent queer characters, let's start with mylene cruz!

so, from the beginning of this show she has an established romantic relationship with ezekiel (although the status of their actual relationship changes frequently throughout the show) and though this was a relationship she was hesitant to pursue, it is clear that she does have romantic feelings for him and if not for them both having growing careers in very different music genres (zeke specifically working in a genre that she repeatedly labels as bad because she thinks they're ruining records + that it isnt real music because they're using someone elses piece and rapping over it, that's not really important here tho lol) they probably wouldve had a much healthier, smooth sailing romance. that being said theres a few things that happen in the show that, while not explicitly clear, or even really good coding at that—to the point where you wont catch if you really arent looking for it (and trust me, I always look for coding, hers was just so little that it flew over my head until I saw someone else mention it)—are still cool to think about!

so, for starters, I wanna mention the toy box performance, which was performed by mylene and regina, who are best friends. that's all cool and shit, and you dont really think much about it...until you hear about the fact that the show runners purposely colored a lot of the scenes in that performance with the bi colors. like. the writers after the show ended basically said "oh yeah there was plans to make her coding more explicit, but our shit got cancelled soooo" and then dropped the fact that she was gonna be bi (or at least implies bi) in the series, which puts a new twist on a few things.

now, besides the bi coloring in the background of the toy box performance (which was mostly on scenes with her and regina, which involved a lot of uh,, lowkey lewd dancing. with each other. in very revealing outfits. wooooo), there's her music! I dont tend to read too much into this one bc, like I said before, her coding is fucking light and the writers themselves said they didnt really get to do much with it, but I think some stuff with her music is interesting. specifically how her, yolanda and regina's song set me free blew up because dizzee, resident (lowkey enby coded) bicon, got their song played in a queer club. also that the song was majorly important to dizzee and started playing literally right as he kissed a boy for the first time and realized "oh shit I like boys that's bonkers". also that the song can be taken in a gay way since literally the entire thing is about becoming your true self, fully and unapologetically, which is what both dizzee and mylene's entire character arcs are about. dizzee (and a lot of other queer people, apparently), heard this song about being set free and it resonated with them so much that they got that shit most of its popularity.

speaking of dizzee and mylene, they parallel each other a lot in the way that their arcs are about them realizing who they are, coming into themselves and no longer just letting people treat them like shit in a sense (dizzee starting to tell people essentially that they can call him weird all they want, they can make fun of how he acts, what he likes, how he dresses, etc. but he likes how he is and quite literally saying "it's okay to be an alien" as he has consistently compared himself to one throughout the show vs mylene learning that if she wants to be a disco singer she needs to put her foot down, not let anyone, not even the love of her life, not even her abusive father, stop her from achieving her dreams, etc. and continuing to pursue her career with or without their support). one more little parallel that I think is interesting is during I think s2 towards the end of the show is when dizzee and thor are shown together having fun with each other, painting all over the building and each other and are basically just being happy and in love together and then they have these clips of them being interspersed with clips of mylene at a party where she is starting to realize that if she wants to get anywhere she needs to be her own main priority and that she needs to put her career and her dream, which is what makes her the happiest, above all else if she wants to succeed. idk I just think how the show made these two into a weird parallel, accidental or not, is neat. maybe not an explicitly queer parallel, but I think at least how her music and whatnot helped dizzee, the main queer character in this show, blossom, is important.

moving on we got shaolin fantastic also known as "oh no your internalized homophobia is showing-"

so, heres a quick list of...interesting shao facts:

Consistently referred to as fag/faggot (shaolin fanfaggot is my personal favorite); he gets really defensive about this despite nobody actually thinking he's queer, it's just people being assholes to be assholes, and he is the only character consistently referred to using a slur, especially a homophobic one, especially for a "straight" character. dizzee, a canonically queer character, is called a fag less than shaolin is even though dizzee actively goes to gay clubs, has a not so secret dude he "hangs out with" and wont let anyone properly meet, paints his nails, wears less than straight clothes even by the 70s standards and is just all around the definition of fucking queer (and I mean like in the weird way, not the gay way). in fact theres only like once I can remember him being called a fag and it had nothing to do with him actually being gay it was literally just like thrown out there the same way you would call someone a bitch.

Has only shown sexual interest in women, yet refuses to have deeper relationships with women in general (possibly because of trauma but who knows) but takes his relationships with his "brothers", specifically zeke, very seriously

Tells zeke and zeke ONLY his real name when zeke was planning to stop being his friend bc shao more or less got boo boo, a like 14 year old black kid, arrested for selling hard drugs; he was clearly scared and trying to do anything to keep zeke around, literally chasing him down the street and hounding him until he got zeke to stop and argue with him

Kept threatening to beat up zeke in the end but couldn't actually bring himself to do so, instead saying that zeke is "fucking lucky" before walking away

Let's zeke get away with things that nobody else can, in general just has a weird soft spot for ezekiel that he shows with nobody else

when shao found dizzee with thor in a vaguely compromising situation (like they were just shirtless covered in paint sleeping next to each other but shao had also seen everything they painted on the walls ((which some of it was sus)), it was clear they had painted on each others bodies and dizzee had been routinely disappearing with this guy for weeks now yet not producing nearly as much art, at least, as far as we audience members know) he didnt judge him but instead, waited for him to get cleaned up and then told him something along the lines of "theres a reason why im so secretive blah blah blah [not everyone needs to know everything about me]", which, in context, kinda implies that he might be a lil. a lil homiesexual. jus a lil.

whenever even the possibility of zeke leaving him comes up he absolutely loses it. he has literally cost ezekiel life changing opportunities because he thought zeke would just up and leave him for them. this could be abandonment issues bc he's a severely traumatized character, and that probably does contribute to it, but it also is just not a reaction he has to any of their other friends just randomly dipping in and out of his life soooooo

generally speaking, this mfer has got either bisexual with a big hard on for zeke coding or homosexual with terrible internalized homophobia and still a hard on for zeke coding. either fucking way, that nigga gay. he gay as hell. gay as fuck man. there wasn't really much to analyze here tbh bc the coding is just so fucking obvious if you look for it or you are/have been a gay person who's dealt with at least a little bit of internalized homophobia.

also, just a sidenote, idk how fucking old shao, but I'm praying hes like at max 19 bc I'm pretty sure zeke is a minor in this show and shao definetly is not so the whole him being heavily implied to have a crush on ezekiel thing is kinda. oof. not oof if zeke is like 17 but any younger than that? OOF.

edit: apparently the characters are only supposed to be a year apart in age but i had no clue about that before writing this post and since shaos age was never actually stated in the show i naturally assumed he was an adult since his actor Looks Like An Adult. this is definetly on me to a certain extent, but i also never saw anything about this when trying to find our their ages so 🤷‍♀️ maybe i just didnt look deep enough, sorry!

now moving on to the main event...marcus dizzee kipling :]

so, first things first, let's talk enby coding bc him being bisexual was already confirmed!

um, to start off, I just wanna say I dont think this enby coding was intentional or even really coding, it's just moreso me being a dizzee kin on main and knowing as a transmasc enby he has very transmasc enby vibes. for example:

cool, gender neutral nickname that everyone calls him

paints nails various different colors

the whole wardrobe is just a transmasc enby heaven...fishnet shirts, jean overalls, jackets and cuffed pants galore, the big colorful pins, etc

gender neutral hairstyle (when I had my fro it was very sexy and made it easy to transition between hyper masc and vaguely fem, which is pog)

comparing himself to/representing himself consistently with an alien character (though this is meant to represent his sexuality, it could also double as a gender thing too, not neccesarily bc of the whole nonbinary alien trope but bc an enby who likes aliens might heavily identify or compare themselves to whatever their idea of an alien is, whether that just be a genderless entity or a motherfucker with fly style and no need to be perceived as anything other Wacky As Hell)

moving on from there, let's talk about how his queerness is presented to us and how, while it may be a really good piece of representation, especially coming from netflix, it still lacks in A Lot of places.

so, let's start with good things!

i personally really like the get down's queer rep with dizzee bc it's (for the most part) nonsexualized and very very soft, about dizzee figuring himself out and realizing there is a place where he fits in, and about two teenagers in the 70s falling in love over their shared passion for street art. it also features an interracial couple where both boys challenge stereotypes both about queer men and men of color, which is epic poggers and very sexy. this piece of rep specifically is very important to me bc I am a queer black person and even tho interracial relationships are mostly normalized now, I've still had people give me shit for primarily dating white people in a town that is...primarily white lol

mm anyways, I can also appreciate how in the get down, dizzee being represented by rumi the alien is not a thing specifically related to gender (as it often is) and instead is about his sexuality and just in general weirdness and how it has led to him being alienated amongst his peers, poc or otherwise. him seeing himself as an alien is not about just his queerness, which is important, it is about him being a queer black man who talks different, acts different, dresses different and is "soft"—he isnt a walking black male stereotype and he wouldnt have been seen as masculine back in the 70s by any stretch of the imagination. this can be relatable to a wide spectrum of queer poc, from queer black men currently who still have to deal with this shit or to people like myself who are afab neurodivergent mixed race enbies that have always been signaled out as weird and alienated for it. dizzee is god rep bc while he has a small part in this show, his parts are very impactful, hard hitting and show queer poc of all ages that they arent alone and that it's okay to "weird", you just need to embrace it because somebody will love you for you, as thor did for dizzee.

that being said theres um. some minor problemas here,,,

namely:

dizzee and thors first kiss

the lack of development this pairing got

the way dizzee was confirmed bisexual off screen, he never said the words himself, just showed interest in both genders

the way dizzee and thor were never even confirmed boyfriends or just fwb so most of the fandom just calls them boyfriends bc Why Not

dizzee was implied fucking DEAD??? AT THE END OF THE SERIES?????? AND THOR WAS IMPLIED ARRESTED?????????????

now, these might have been things that wouldve been fine had the show been given it's full run but it wasnt which is why we are now left with probelms.

so, from the top, let's go over these: dizzee and thor's first (and only "on screen") kiss was one that was shown in a montage of other queer people making over and doing other vaguely romantic/sexual things, one of those things being a whole ass naked titty being mouthed at, but the actual kiss...was just not shown? like they really did just say "yes they kissed <3 you know this from the context clues of it being in a montage with kissing, hickey giving and titty sucking <3 but no we will not show it <3" LIKE HELLO? I SAW A NAKED BOOBIE BUT NOT TWO MEN KISS??? HUH????????

also, dizzee and thor were both fucking high as hell during this bit like this isnt a terrible thing but it's also like sometimes you do shit when you're high that you wouldnt do sober and they just never kissed again on screen so like?? like idk that's not that bad but it does kinda irk me since they deadass got no other on screen intimacy after that unless you including painting on eacher other or sleeping next to each other on a shitty mattress but not touching at all during it bc they were both at opposite ends of the mattress like half way off it

so yeah, that was trash. then we got lack of development, which kinda goes with the "dizzee being a bisexual but he never says it in canon" thing cause like...okay dizzee was already sort of a side character from the get go like he wasnt the mc by any means, but he became way more of a background character as things continued until we basically only saw him for performances or when he was with thor, yet they got no fucking development as a pairing other than "dizzee realize he gay, he like thor, he and thor spend time together and ig probably do some gay stuff but we dont really know bc we only ever see them do graffiti together now" like?? tf am I supposed to do with that shit. answer. quickly. and then theres dizzee not being confirmed bisexual, which is just a running problem with shows literally doing everything to say a character is bi except for having the character just...say they're bi? which would be so easy? like a good way dizzee and thor couldve had some development is by thor teaching dizzee things about the queer community that he didnt even know existed, thor couldve helped him understand what being bi meant and helped him label himself and whatnot but instead we got an off screen confirmation that the writers had bisexual in mind when writing him. which is garbagé.

the whole thor and dizzee never having a confirmed relationship status is also a development problem cause like literally nobody knows if they were just friends who made out, maybe fucked, who knows, or if they were dating bc dizzee does give a love confession but a love confession doesn't mean there is a relationship, especially since thor didn't say he was in love either (as far as I remember, I could be wrong, plus whether or not that really happened or was apart of dizzee literally overdosing during a performance is unclear so 🤪)

and now for the biggest issue...bury your gays trope.

during the season 2 finale, dizzee and thor are chased by cops after they are found doing graffiti, one of the cops is able to catch thor while the other chases dizzee into a train tunnel and there is a train seen headed straight for him before the show cuts to black on a train horn. the show writers claim that if they had gotten another season, dizzee wouldve been alive but since they didnt and since that's essentially super fan trivia knowledge, most people dont fucking know that and instead had to watch a black queer teenager chose death over being fucking arrested by a white cop. on top of that, thor didnt see any of that shit because he was caught and the cop started hauling him off while dizzee was still being chased so thor literally has no clue where his friend/possible boyfriend fucking is or that he's likely dead in a goddamn tunnel all alone, unless you count the fucking pig that chased him in there who wouldve died too. this shows rep was so fucking good as far as most shows go on not having major fucking problems, on not being toxic and over sexualized, etc, etc. and then they just. killed a black queer teenager for no fucking reason. like it was literally the last episode ever, it would add nothing to the plot, it would just devastate fans and devastate it fucking did. I dont cry easy but seeing a character I identified with, who I had hyperfixated on, die because he'd rather that than be arrested is terrible. it fucking sucked.

so yeah. that's my all too extensive thoughts/analysis on the get down's queerness. theres definitely stuff I missed, or misinterpreted, or looked too much into, etc, etc., but this was a fun thing to spend time writing sooo yeah!! thanks for the ask anon, sorry this was just a big rambley info dump, but hopefully you get some enjoyment out of it since it took like 3 hours at least 😭😭 feel free to ask clarifying questions lol

[lululawrence]

still waiting for a lululawrence strangers to lovers long, long ass fluff fest fic 💓💓💓 something like relief next to me yk? i just know that it's gonna be iconic

lolllllll i have so many questions lololololol did... i make you think i was writing something like that? 😂 also the comparison to rntm makes me feel like i'm going to VASTLY disappoint in whatever i happen to be able to write hahahaha like for me, when it comes to writing, a long ass fic is anything over 50k and that doesn't even begin to touch rntm's word count, but also i... don't write smut... and isn't that like half of what people like about that fic? the smut?

shoof. i just keep laughing omg i love you and so very much appreciate your faith in me and my writing abilities! what i can promise you coming up in the next couple months of (fest) posting is this:

a 52k (ish haha it's still in editing stages) larry fic for @1dreversebang that is like... well it's strangers to lovers ish? but it's also like one massive fucking meet cute? lollll penpals(?) to lovers? i just... it's complicated and there's a lot of shit they're both working through, so i'm not actually sure how fluffy it is, BUT it does have good resolution i think? so yeah, there's that...

a currently just started SECOND fic for reverse bang that is an alpha/alpha aspec larry fic that is going to be incredibly focused on the characters themselves, their own self-reflection, and because of that it will be almost entirely driven by their internal conflict/how they handle who they are versus what others are expecting of them. no idea on length for this one lol hopefully i'll have a better idea on that soon though

a fic for the @1darkandstormy fest that i won't go into any details about since that fest is anon, but it is done and edited and uploaded so that's a relief lol

a 29k (again, ish... it's also in editing stages lol) fic for @1dcountryfest that... well it is pretty damn fluffy actually lol it's based off of tim mcgraw and faith hill's real life love story, so if you know anything about that, you know what to expect. if you DON'T know anything about that, just know you're going to get some (hopefully) super fun famous/famous 90s country music tour shenanigans all wrapped up in a larry fic lol

a fic for @soulmatesabroad that i haven't even begun to think about yet because it isn't due until the end of october and i've been working really hard at finishing the reverse bang fics that are due at the BEGINNING of october (which is this coming weekend I KNOW OKAY I'M TRYING MY BEST AHHHH)

soooooo i have zero idea if any of those fics sound like something you might be thinking could fit... what you're looking for from me? lololol i also have a fic i'll be writing for @zouisfest but that isn't due until the end of november so CLEARY i have to work through my october fest fics that are due first. no idea how long that fic will be either, but there will be some strangers to lovers in there. for sure. is that fest anonymous? i don't think so, but i'm too paranoid i'm misremembering so i'm not giving more details just yet. sigh.

i just. have answered this ask in a very detailed manner when i wasn't expecting to, but i feel bad thinking you have these hopes and dreams that i won't be able to fulfill? hahaha shit i'm so flattered you think i'm even somewhat able to produce a fic like what you described though. that actually means a lot to me that you think that highly of me, so thank you haha

sorry this response is a mess. i'm still a bit flummoxed and i read this originally several hours ago 😂

[krreader]

good for you | chapter 5.

pairing: teacher!kim seokjin x student!reader fandom: bts warnings: non idol!au ; college!au ; student x teacher relationship ; language ; sex ; dirty talk genre: smut ; crack ; angst previous: 1 ; 2 ; 3 ; 4 word count: 1.8k+

summary: when you’re in dire need for more credits and your roommate finds a course that she wants to participate in but doesn’t want to go alone, you get dragged with her and end up in the class of kim seokjin, the new Korean teacher. suddenly all those stories, movies and shows about a romance between a professor and his student made sense, because how could you not fall for someone who looked like that?

a/n: this is so long overdue, but here it is my friends. finally.

“I have to say,” the waiter brought out your food, you finally having something to focus on other than your extremely handsome teacher Mr. Kim, “This is a little weird. I've never went to dinner with my teacher.”

“If this makes you uncomfortable..-”

Jin understood where you were coming from. He certainly hadn’t pictured himself having dinner with one of his students like this either.

“Oh no! No, that's not what I meant,” you quickly said, shaking your head, “I just mean that this is all new for me.”

“Well, if you want, we can talk about school stuff. Or maybe you could practice your Korean. After all, the test will be very soon.”

“I'm confident,” you said, beginning to dig in without mercy. You hadn't eaten all day because you thought you'd go on that date with Taehyung.. but clearly not, “Not like Perry. All she learns are words that will help her argue with Jeongguk.”

“It's really interesting to me that she was the one who dragged you to my course, yet you're the one that's studying for it and she's not.”

“I need the extra credits.. and I really like the language. I always wanted to learn it ever since I became friends with Jeongguk and Jimin.”

“And.. Taehyung?”

“Oh,” your shoulders dropped, just like your smile, “He's not a friend..”

“You're right. He's not a friend. And he's not worth your time,” Jin narrowed his eyes at you while taking a sip of his drink.

“I try telling myself that, too, you know? But I guess it's easier for other people to say than for myself to understand it,” you shrugged, “Whatever. It's fine.. You seem to be good company too, so I'm content.”

That made Jin smile brightly, almost proudly, “Then a toast to good company, good food and..-”

“..-and assholes who don't show up to dates.”

You both laughed and continued to do so throughout the entire night.

You and your professor had a chemistry that you couldn't deny, you still hadn't forgotten about that time you and him had almost kissed, but tonight wasn't awkward like you feared it would be at first. And maybe that was because of the alcohol that you both consumed and the fact that, by the end of the dinner, all you two could do was laugh and lull, but it was great fun and you really appreciated him being with you, because if he hadn’t, you would have gone home and bawled your eyes out after the guy that you thought you liked so much had stood you up like an idiot.

Him and you talked about your lives, about your interests, about the future.. you actually had really interesting and deep conversations, at least up until the alcohol had gotten to your heads.

Then it was just.. a mess.

“My apartment is soooooo far away,” you complained when you and him were finally out of the restaurant, “That asshole made me drive so much for him. Fuck Taehyung.”

“Yeah.. well, no,” Jin laughed, “Don't fuck Taehyung. He's not worth it.”

“Yeah, right,” you snort-laughed, falling against his chest and Jin, being as drunk as you were, wrapping an arm around you without thinking about whether or not that was ‘proper’.

Though, ‘proper’ was not a word that he thought about at all tonight.

“I'll get you a taxi.”

And see, if you had just said yes in that moment, or if you had just nodded or if you hadn't even said a word and just gotten into that goddamn car that he tried to hail for you, then none of this would have happened.

But you were still upset about having been stood up, your pride was hurt, your teacher was still looking like a sex god and you weren't thinking straight anymore, so what you said next, sounded like a good idea in your head in your drunken state at the time, but never in a million years would you have been so forward if you had been sober, “Nooo, don't. I want to go home with you,” you grabbed the lapels of his coat and came dangerously close to him, grinning seductively.. or tried to, “I want to be with you tonight.”

And see, if Jin was in any other state, he definitely would have pushed you into that taxi, he would have wanted you to say something like that when you were thinking clearly - even if he still tried to deny that -, but his own mind was clouded with lust for you, with alcohol and with.. loneliness, quite frankly.

“My, my, my.. you want to go home with your teacher, Ms. (Y/L/N)? That is quite naughty.”

“I've been thinking about it ever since I first met you, you know?” you whispered, biting down on your lip.

You were obviously both consenting here, that wasn't the issue, the issue was that once you'd cross that line, there was no going back from it. This boundary of teacher/student that could be crossed, but really shouldn’t be.

Neither of you realized that though.

Not when you followed him home, not when he pushed you against his closed door as soon as you were inside and not when he finally entered you after having spent absolutely zero time with foreplay, because neither of you were willing to wait any longer to really feel each other.

“Fuck,” you moaned out, arching your back into his soft mattress, “You feel so fucking good.”

“I imagined this so many times,” Jin chuckled against your throat, pulling out and then pushing into you as hard as before, biting down on your neck when you almost screamed his name, relishing in the feeling of how tight you felt around him.

“Me too,” you gulped down hard, “My best friend is going to kill me for this though, you know? She wants you so bad.. everyone wants you so bad..”

“Hmm,” Jin pushed himself up a little and then kissed you in an almost sweet manner, before whispering, “I only want you, though.”

And he really meant it, even if you couldn’t comprehend it and he wouldn’t remember having said it.

The sex wasn't rough, but it wasn't soft either. It was the perfect middle ground that made you both moan out each others names for a surprisingly long amount of time.

You would assume that being drunk would make him cum sooner, but nope. Your teacher proved to you that he had stamina and was rather creative when it came to positions.

And you and your three – yes, you heard that correctly, first time with him and he managed to make you orgasm three times, your ex-boyfriend should have signed up for a fucking class with him too – orgasms were very grateful.

Naturally the act was also a bit clumsy, but that almost made it even better. Sex didn’t always have to be super passionate and rough, tonight was fun, you two laughed, you two moaned, you two screamed eventually.. it was a good time and your sober self – if this weren't your teacher – would agree with you. In that moment, you wouldn’t have wanted it to be any different.

You've never had better sex in your life and never had a more handsome looking partner.

Thankfully, even in your drunken state, you hadn't been stupid and Jin had used a condom, eventually spilling everything he had to offer inside of it and moaning your name over and over again, like it was some sort of prayer.

Both of you were completely drenched in sweat, the sheets beneath you felt disgusting, but you yourself didn't.

Your legs were still wrapped around him, you could feel him soften inside of you, yet neither you nor him wanted to move, both too tired and too comfortable in the current state.

Your breathing was heavy and so was his weight on top of you, but instead of pushing him off, you actually pulled him closer, your fingertips gently running over his back.

You didn't say anything for a long time, only when he pushed himself up and looked at you did you ask, so low, as if you were afraid of the answer – which you didn't understand why: “Do you want me to go?”

But Jin's smile was soft and his lips on your forehead even softer, “No. Stay.”

And so you did. After you had washed up, you had cuddled into his chest and he had wrapped his arms around you, something so domestic that made both of you giddy like teenagers.

You had sobered up a little at this point, but not enough to realize that what you had just done would have immense consequences.

In that moment, you were just a normal woman and he just a normal man who had enjoyed themselves thoroughly.

And you both wished this moment would never end.

But it did.

It ended when you fell asleep.

It ended when you woke up and accepted that call from your best friend.

“Do you need me to come and get you?!” Perry was immediately alarmed, “Where are you, tell me, I'm already there!”

“No, no, no,” you whispered, tiptoeing into the bathroom with your clothes, “No, fuck, no. Just.. I'm okay. Give me.. thirty minutes, okay?”

“(Y/N), I really..-”

“I'm fine, Perry!”

You couldn't very well tell her where you were, or why you were there.

She might be your best friend, but she would certainly not approve of this. The man she had wanted to fuck – even if only to get back at her ex-boyfriend – as well as your teacher having been your sex buddy last night?

Nah, that wasn't a good look. You couldn't tell anyone about this and you were sure that he’d feel the same way once he’d wake up.

What the fuck were you thinking, (Y/N)?! This was such a bad idea! 

You put on your clothes in a hurry, then checked and made sure Jin was still asleep, before hurrying out of his apartment and jumping into the first taxi that was free.

You barely remembered last night.

You remembered Taehyung standing you up, you being upset and then Jin coming along. You remembered him and you having dinner and then things started to get foggy. After that there's only snippets.

You remembered..-

You pressed your eyes shut as well as your thighs when heat rushed back between your legs at the memories of what you had done.

You still felt him on your body. His lips on your throat, his hands gliding over your legs, his dick pushing in and out of you.. and.. it felt so good that you felt ashamed.

He was your teacher. Your fucking teacher!

And even though this wasn't against the rules, didn't mean that it had been a good idea.

Especially because.. you.. kinda wanted to do it all again.