#someone else told her and she believed it bc she didn't know any better

[geddy-leesbian]

it's honestly so fucked up that we'll never get a Gaiden remake she deserves a remake glow up 😔

[hollowed-theory-hall]

hello 🤗

As your point about hinny, is Ginny actually so -called 'safe girl' for Harry? Like he knows her and don't need to know smbd else, they have some shared experiences (Chamber of Secrets and fighting Voldemort in general), she's cute and knows how to defend herself, so Harry can't worry, etc

I've always wondered how Ginny even agrees to this kind of relationship where Harry doesn't tell her anything, bc of their interaction in canon I don't see any reason to see them in a more or less healthy relationship after the war, especially if Harry becomes an Auror. maybe Ginny is like Molly in this way, clearly more than she can think for herself, and so is Hermione - they both listen to her as an authoritative woman and accepted her advices

Hello 👋

I think Ginny doesn't see their relationship the way it is. She idolized Harry as someone he very clearly isn't:

“But you’ve been too busy saving the Wizarding world,” said Ginny, half laughing. “Well . . . I can’t say I’m surprised. I knew this would happen in the end. I knew you wouldn’t be happy unless you were hunting Voldemort. Maybe that’s why I like you so much.”

(HBP)

I mean, the things she loves about him are just not true about him at all. She is in love with a person who doesn't exist. And honestly, I don't know if love is the right word. I'd even call it an obsession:

“I never really gave up on you,” she [Ginny] said. “Not really. I always hoped. . . . Hermione told me to get on with life, maybe go out with some other people, relax a bit around you, because I never used to be able to talk if you were in the room, remember? And she thought you might take a bit more notice if I was a bit more — myself.”

(HBP)

She is so fixated on being with Harry that she changes her own behavior around him so he would like her better. I also mentioned here how I think her interest in Quidditch is relatively new. That she started playing for Harry to like her better. (I mean, she only started showing interest in the sport during book 5, there were no hints of it before that).

Ron describes how upset she after Harry broke up with her, none of which she was willing to show Harry:

“You ditched her. What are you doing now, messing her around,” “I’m not messing her around,” said Harry, as Hermione caught up with them. “Ron—” But Ron held up a hand to silence her. “She was really cut up when you ended it—” “So was I. You know why I stopped it, and it wasn’t because I wanted to.”

(DH)

But that 'so was I', was he? Was he really 'cut up' over it? He didn't think about her until he saw her again, and Aunt Muriel was the one who had to mention Ginny's dress had a very low cut, Harry didn't notice:

“Yes, my tiara sets off the whole thing nicely,” said Auntie Muriel in a rather carrying whisper. “But I must say, Ginevra’s dress is far too low cut.” Ginny glanced around, grinning, winked at Harry, then quickly faced the front again.

(DH)

That aforementioned faked "toughness" is also one of the only things Harry actively mentions liking about Ginny:

He chanced a glance at her. She was not tearful; that was one of the many wonderful things about Ginny, she was rarely weepy. He had sometimes thought that having six brothers must have toughened her up

(DH)

Now, I actually think this behavior is very different from what we see from Molly. While I'm not the biggest Molly fan, I do have to defend her here. Because she may be a housewife, but she's wearing the pants in her and Arthur's relationship. Molly and Arthur have a very different relationship than Ginny and Harry. With them, I believe they know each other well and love each other for who they are. And yes, they argue, but the undercurrent is a love that's always there. Molly wouldn't just accept anything Arthur decided to dish (not that he would) at her and we clearly see she gets mad at him over various things, from getting muggle stitches to enchanting a car to having a fistfight at a bookstore. She doesn't just agree with everything he says/does the way Ginny does.

Hermione, too, is not someone I see willing to deal with Ron keeping secrets from her. I mean, she sent birds to attack him when he made out with Lavender when they weren't together yet, I don't see her as the kind of wife that'll be chill with not being told the important things. I mean, it's not that you have to tell your partner everything, but the expectation is that of trust and understanding, something that Harry and Ginny don't seem to have.

With Harry and Ginny, Harry sees Ginny as a 'safe girl' on whom Harry can have a crush. For Ginny, Harry is her childhood hero crush she's been obsessed with for years. She changed her personality to date him, she dated other guys to get his attention, and once she got him she did everything, accepted everything from him with no argument because she didn't want to lose him and was insecure in their relationship.

To me, this doesn't seem healthy at all, but that's what it seems like.

How jealous Ginny is, not even letting Harry go with Cho to see Ravenclaw's statue in book 7. How annoyed she got when Harry for a second mentioned Fleur is pretty in passing. Again indicates how insecure Ginny is in this relationship, she doesn't trust Harry to stay with her and she is willing to turn her entire life around if it means being with Harry Potter whom she thinks she loves.

This is how Ginny's character reads to me, which is one of the reasons I really don't like her. I don't see her as incredibly brave or badass, I feel she is wearing a facade of the badass girl she thinks Harry wants while beneath she's an insecure, emotional mess who is desperately trying to keep from crying cause she thinks Harry would hate her if she cried.

And I don't think Harry knows this is what the relationship is. I don't think he realized Ginny was trying so hard to fit the 'safe girl' image he projected on her so he wouldn't leave her. I think he misses all her effort and thinks it's just who she is — which is exactly what Ginny is trying to accomplish.

But Ginny doesn't fully realize this is what she's doing. I think, in her mind, she is trying to be a girl "worthy" of the Harry Potter image she has in her head. She doesn't see him as who he is, but as some Chosen One savior of the wizarding world Harry never wanted to be. So she puts all his actions in this context: "It's fine cause he's saving us," or "he's the hero so it's fine," it's not about Harry as a person to her. And she's trying so hard to be who she thinks the girlfriend of the Boy-Who-Lived should be.

So to your question of why Ginny deals with it? Well, she convinced herself she has to be with Harry (or, at least, the image she has of him). She wrapped up herself so much in that fixation that she was willing to deal with anything from him if it meant being with him. Except for him looking at another girl for even a second.

I mean, if she's willing to change her entire personality and date guys she doesn't like to get Harry and be someone she thinks is "worthy" of him, what's dealing with a few secrets to help save the world compared to that?

(It could've been really funny if Harry did end up with Luna who Ginny didn't consider a threat. But this is just me with my "if I had to ship Harry with a girl it'll always be Luna" agenda)

[skyrages]

Hi.

So I took an online NPD test out of curiosity. I don't usually do this, but I caved recently. It was a clinical based assessment, not a Buzzfeed quiz or anything. I scored high on the regular NPD and extremely high on covert NPD. I know that's not a recognized diagnosis, but whatever.

I've been going to therapy for almost a year now for my OCD, so I brought that up to my therapist. She basically told me that because I thought I had NPD I didn't have it, and didn't believe me when I told her that I do not feel empathy. I told her about how I don't attach to people and how I subconsciously surround myself with human disasters so I can 'fix" them, and she told me that was normal. She also told me that people with personality disorders were just bad people. I really think she is great and I was really stunned when she said this. I would love some advice.

Thank you!

There are some valid tests online and some fake ones. In particular, idrlabs are very popular and have the style of a clinical test and claim to have experts but actually avoid using actual researched tests (tbf, they do seem to actually look at research) and mostly make their own knockoff versions and also they spread weird right wing propaganda. You can also just find the actual ones by looking at studies. However, an issue with narcissism is researchers have like 100 different ideas about it that they made up and the meaning of types depend on the author.

I have OCD as well, which actually made me doubt my ASPD when i first started questioning it, bc i kinda dismissed it as a stupid OCD idea lmao.

I don’t believe in bad people, i think people’s worth has nothing to do with how they happen to act. Also i have paid many therapists to help me and none of them had any idea about these disorders, honestly i think they’re overrated, the whole treatment-effectiveness therapy wise in psychology is actually controversial. I did read that adhd meds helped with aspd even though psychologists willingly ignore any treatment research for npd and aspd bc they already think it’s impossible despite never trying, and actually adhd meds helped me. But i only saw that related to aspd and npd is pretty different. Though some people have told me that narcissism is related to dopamine so worth a shot. Even with my depression honestly I had a better time fixing my own life and getting meds than anything they did. Actually, i have also seen a research thing about how people with traits of npd and aspd get less symptoms after basically practicing acting prosocially routinely, like if you commit to acting like it it can reduce symptoms in general. Some people have said therapy helps them so maybe it’s a matter of trying to find someone else or someone open to learning.

The misconception about narcissists not being self aware is debunked by actual research saying that narcissists understand how they are viewed and view themselves as narcissistic (also, not having more abusive behaviours if you have NPD on its own is also backed up by research, although its more complicated with some other disorders). Honestly i kind of hate the psychology trend of I’ll assume I know more about you than you do.

This is kinda directionless but whatever i wanted to ramble about this lol

[piwstri4]

un verano sin ti | ln4

pairing: f1driver!ex!lando norris x fashion designer!ex!reader

summary: you can't seem to find peace after success.

part one - part three

DUSK.CLOTHING

liked by ynclo, lewishamilton, lukasabbat and 97,673 others

DUSK.CLOTHING Yet again another successful project! We are very thankful for everyone who attended the show, we hope you enjoyed it at least half as much as we did setting everything up. Spring in a lavender field looks wonderful.

view all 93,723 comments

ynclo thanks to everyone who supported this project!!! i hope we can do something as amazing as this sometime soon, for now cheers to all the crew behind this fantastic runway 🔥💥

user1 i LOVED it, by far one of the most spectacular shows you've done so far guys!!

lukasabbat fire project 🔥🔥

ynclo well i had gorgeous models

lukasabbat the designer didn't fail to surprise

user2 it's amazing how she comes up w everything i love her brain

user3 all she needed was to break up w the vroom vroom guy

user4 I didn't like him either but we should still respect him anyways

user5 well he was the love of her life, let's not trash him around

lewishamilton by far one of your best works, keep up the good job!

DUSK.CLOTHING We will!

ynclo im so happy u liked it!!!!! i told u the field was a good idea

user6 tell me im not the only one who saw her flirt w that one model on the backstage???

user7 she's flirting w him in the comments.....

user8 omg name?

user7 @/lukasabbat

user9 I wish I could have gone!! Looks like a fairytale

user10 im convinced that ever since leaving vroom vroom guy she's been thriving.

user11 I know you have good intentions but please respect them both, he was a very important part of her life

user12 she's what she is bc of him

ynclo

liked by lukasabbat, danielricciardo, arthurleclerc and 63,928 others

ynclo la estoy pasando bien no te voy a mentir (pero a veces tu nombre no me deja dormir)

view all 60,378 comments

user1 i love the fact that now all her captions are in spanish

user2 queen behavior tbh bc redacted wont take the time to translate them

user3 now we have insta pages translating them!!

user4 for those wondering: "im doing great not gonna lie (but sometimes your name doesn't let me fall asleep)"

user5 I'm so convinced that it was for him

user6 of course it was for him, they were together for so long

user7 no one's gonna talk about sir mister man in the third pic?

user8 i miss her w l*ndo so much:((

danielricciardo Nice car

ynclo mine or his?

danielricciardo both

user9 yall they were gonna get married at that place 😭😭😭😭

user10 source??

user11 i might be wrong but they said that in a story + posted some pics

user12 could literally be any fucking field you are all delusional

lukasabbat amazing weekend, we should do that more ofter

ynclo waiting for ur call 🫀

lukasabbat wont have to wait too long 😉

user13 i refuse to believe they broke up 11 months ago

user14 I'm still mourning that relationship

user15 i miss my parents....

user16 who's that one in the third pic??

user17 new bf??

user18 is that luka sabbat??

user19 who?

user20 he modeled for her last collection

landonorris

liked by mclarenf1, oscarpiastri, maxverstappen1 and 99,729 others

landonorris I was enchanted to meet you

view all 76,814 comments

user1 cmon say it say it lando SAY IT

user2 i just know he wanted to say please dont fall in love with someone else

user3 not everything has to be about yn...

user4 the girl in the second pic???

user5 ikkk i saw that too!!

user6 yn?

user7 fuck no they're totally different

carlossainz55 I'm still better at golf than you

landonorris If you say so mate🫡

user5 is he grieving or soft launching i dont get it

user6 new gf??

user7 i cant believe he's having another girl

user8 they broke up almost a year ago let it go

user9 man deserves to live his life too

danielricciardo Nice car

landonorris His name's Benito

user10 are you kidding me??

user11 is he @ u know where??

user12 not the same place, it didn't have a golf field

user13 please stop the delusions

user14 we were robbed of lui and benito being siblings

user15 it hurts to remember her say that he was forever a part of her soul and now look at this mess

ynclo

liked by lukasabbat, danielricciardo, DUSK.CLOTHING and 96,923 others

ynclo te juro que no me imaginaba lo que se sentía ni lo que sería un verano sin ti.

view al 81,341 comments

user1 he got p2 today, this post was his

user2 she's allowed to move on...

user3 no bc why would she post this the same day of the race after he got p2??? i like to be delusional to think this WAS abt him

user4 so basically the caption says "i swear i didn't imagine what would feel or what would be a summer without you."

user5 in the picture "i wish her good luck, 'cause it's not like anyone can get to you"

user6 thank u for ur services

user7 This IS about him and no one can convince me otherwise

user7 the post the caption the race....

user8 she misses him i just know it

lukasabbat nice summer 🌞🌞

ynclo it always is with you <3

user9 i REFUSE to get over them

user10 we were robbed

user11 go on tell him ERES ARTE

user12 she called him a museum once

user13 i need a thread with all the beautiful things she said to him

arthurleclerc but when i invited u to monaco....

ynclo omg kids shouldn't be allowed to have phones

arthurleclerc ur so funny😐

landonorris

liked by oscarpiastri, mclarenf1, danielricciardo and 104,811 others

landonorris P2 BABYYYY!!!! Thanks to the team for making this possible and to OP81 for making this super special as a double podium. This one's for you.

view all 101,814 comments

user1 THIS ONE'S FOR YOU????

user2 do you remember the "i wanted it on my own but i pictured us together"? yea this is probably how she felt

user3 the way he probably did mean this to be for her... the last time he was on podium was when they broke up

user4 hes seeing someone else please respect them.

user5 i miss her congratulating him in the comments:((

user6 i can't believe it's been 11 months since his last podium!! and now it's double for mclaren!!!

danielricciardo So happy for you!! Totally deserved

landonorris Thanks mate!!!!

user7 at least danny cheered for him..

user8 "I'll never stop cheering his victories"

user9 "may he find love, health and success in his new journey"

user10 "For all he had given to me I'm forever grateful"

user11 "AND WILL ALWAYS HAVE HIM IN MY HEART"

carlossainz55 Congrats champ!

landonorris Thank you Calos!!!!!

oscarpiastri congrats on p2 LN4

landonorris Congrats on P3 OP81

user12 remember when he posted lost my girl but she aint worth the prize? yea it meant a whole year without winning shit

user13 11 months (and 2 days but who's counting??)

mclarenf1

liked by oscarpiastri, landonorris, ynclo and 381,204 others

mclarenf1 Congratulations for P2 and P3, Lando and Oscar! Double podium for McLaren today, we're so proud of you guys 🍾 🍾🍾

view all 81,040 comments

ynclo congrats guys!! absolutely deserved💥🎉

mclarenf1 miss u girly!! alpha tauri stole u from us

ynclo the best of both worlds!

user1 miss girly in the comments?????

user2 she also liked and commented on oscar's post,,, i dont like it here anymore

user3 is it really over just like that?

landonorris Let's goooooo

user4 i dont want to get over them

danielricciardo Another spectacular race, keep it up!

user5 do we collectively remember lqndo aiming the champagne to yn EVRYTIME he got podium?? bc i was just kinda expecting him to do that

user6 when he looked at the public and he got sad:(((

user7 wanted it on my own yet pictured us together 😭😭😭😭

user8 i know he's happy but doesn't look like it in the second pic

user9 used the whole bottle on the podium...

user10 she was in 2/3 of the relevant posts abt this... mclaren and oscar but not lando

user11 i was hoping to see her in the likes at least

user12 i think ppl forget that she liked f1 and was a huge mclaren fan even before lando signed w them://

user13 she's back at the paddocks???

user14 only in monza and monaco tho, she said she doesn't have the time to travel as much anymore

user15 and whenever danny wants her there too, she was there today

user16 she was????

user15 with the alpha tauri team yes

ynclo

liked by dusk.clothing, vogue, lukasabbat and others

ynclo I'm glad to say that even after all this time I can still let myself create the way I do, it's been three months since my last collection and I decided to take a break before starting again. A lot of things have happened in the last year and I'm still healing but with lots of people I love (and that love me back) by my side; it's not what you asked, but I got my first photoshoot as a model rather than a designer and wish to share it with you... It's a small project I had with @lukasabbat and now we can share it with you all. Please enjoy!

the original poster limits who can comment

lukasabbat amazing as always! told you modeling was your thing

ynclo it certainly was something, cant say im gonna take your job

lukasabbat im happy modeling for you then

lewishamilton Beautiful photoshoot and designs! Truly an all-rounder. This is your thing

ynclo thanks dude 😭😭

danielricciardo Great project, next time put more clothes on.

ynclo ur jealous that i can justify being naked on media

danielricciardo I don't need an excuse to be naked on media lol

vogue Next time with us? 😉

ynclo It will be a pleasure! ❤️

ynclo

liked by lukasabbat, dusk.clothing, vogue and others

ynclo y solo mírame con esos ojitos lindos (hace tiempo que no envío "buenos días, te amo")

view all comments

user1 so it's officially over now?

user2 i hate that she moved on

user3 it was officially over since last year

user4 caption "and just look at me with those pretty eyes (it's been a while since i sent 'good morning, i love you')"

user5 so it was luka sabbat after all

user6 i dont like this but i hope she's happy

lukasabbat yo no te busqué, chocamos en el trayecto

ynclo con tu alma es la que yo conecto

user4 lukasabbat "i wasn't looking for you, we met in the process" ynclo "with your soul i connect"

ynclo girll???

user7 no wonder she looked better than ever

user8 where is the "my soul cant long for someone else"???

danielricciardo Still can't believe he doesn't like fast cars

ynclo me neither 😞😞😞 honestly huge red flag

danielricciardo I'd rather sign with Ferrari if I were you

user9 FINALLY SOMEONE WHO CAN GET HER

user10 I agree!! This man's not only a model but a fashion designer as well, I'm sure she's gonna peak in no time

user11 ??

user12 why is she still dating men??

user13 no hate to lando cuz i respect him but luka looks like he's gonna be good for her

user14 idc who she dates i just hope her designs dont go downhill

arthurleclerc ask him when are we gonna play cod again???

ynclo get away from my man wtf

lukasabbat wanna stream with me tomorrow?

user15 do you think she's happy with him?

user16 cant believe her last interaction w l*ndo was three months ago and it wasn't even w him

user17 they interacted again????

user18 no the didn't, she just congratulated mclaren for the double podium

user19 what do u mean "with your soul i connect"??? girly didn't u say YOUR soul couldn't long for someone else???

user20 let the poor girl date whoever she wants omg😭😭

landonorris

liked by carlossainz55, oscarpiastri, danielricciardo and 99,712 others

landonorris and the best is me

view all comments

maxverstappen1 Get P1 then talk bro

landonorris Git P1 thin tilk bri 🙄🙄

maxverstappen1 💥

user1 where's the yn translator when we need them????

user2 fr is he starting to shade her in spanish now??

user3 bet he's asking carlos to translate things for him

user4 the pic is literally a benito song lmao it's called (in english) "wish you the best"

user5 AND THE BEST IS ME OMG

user6 bro mad abt her last post i just know he is

user7 girly hurt him so bad he learnt spanish lmao

danielricciardo Fire song 🔥

landonorris It's on repeat 🫡🫡

danielricciardo Bet it is

user8 not danny shading him😭😭

user9 it took him over a year to acknowledge that she was the best on his life

carlossainz55 I didn't know you liked spanish songs!!

landonorris Only this one

carlossainz55 You should listen to Chayanne

user10 character development?

user11 Focus on winning P1 bestie!! Maybe she'll talk to you then

user12 lando punching the air rn

user13 bet he's getting first place next race only bc of this comment

user14 Took him watching her move on to realize he was an asshole

user15 nice pics, looking hot as usual

user16 cant believe he wants her back????

user17 fr im so sure he'd be happier if they dont get back together

user18 so true yn deserves better

charlesleclerc 🔥🔥

landonorris 💥💥

[elainsgirl]

this has been said all around but I seriously do think the acotar fandom would've been different if sjm engaged with us. I know plenty of authors who engage with their fandom even if some are still toxic like boys of tommen. But I still believe more people would've stuck around and didn't have to deal with ongoing problems due to an author that neglects her fandom.

People are calling Elriels weird and delusional for thinking of a rejecting mating bond which the author literally talked about! how is that delusional for thinking the next book could be that? Elriels aren't stupid. Elain is literally uncomfortable around lucien. "Did elain tell you that?" that really pisses me off. she's clearly uncomfortable around lucien, anyone can see that from a mile away. And the thing with gwyn, I believe its due to the hatred everyone has with elain so they create this image of gwyn to replace elain. its so odd.

The only way the fandom would have been less toxic, is if Mass gave us insight on how SHE wanted the books to be read and the narrative she was trying to spin instead of everyone going wild and having random interpretations that don’t make sense and are clearly not what Mass was going for. That and if she had been giving some teasers from the next book here and there as well as telling us what we should expect from Acotar 5. If think this would hVe definitely calmed the shipwars down and actually create excitement for the next book. If you look at how chloe handled the fandom after T7, she left completely and now has a social media manager running her account whose been engaging w the fandom by posting snippets from previous books. Ofc BOT had its own shipwars and arguements as well as characterwars but how was that taken care off? The spotify playlists which confirmed couples, plots and whose getting which and how many books. Was there backlash? Sure, but chloe was far from it and eventually it died down and people began getting excited for the upcoming books and what was about to play out. Now when you look at her recent announcement, as far as I’ve seen there hasn’t been any negativity. Even those that don’t like the next couple haven’t created a fuss because they knew it was going to happen so could brace themselves. So if only Sjm had used the same technique but then you can’t really compare the two authors and their fandom considering one is significantly less popular then the other. The Mass fandom is so huge and despite the fact it seems like everyone is online - the truth is there are millions of readers across the world who aren’t online. They dont care about the ship wars or characters wars. They just want the next book. So I think it doesn’t register to BB or sarah that there’s so many polarising discussions taking place bcs its only a small part of this massive fandom taking part and creating these arguements. They’re going looking at the fandom as a whole - and many just dont care. So their silence & neglect make sense especially considering that I dont think Mass had any acotar content to share as she hadn’t written the book, Since acosf, CC was her focus. Not acotar.

Elriels being called delusional? What else is new. For an author that is suppose to be strictly “fated” mates - there wS no need for her to talk about bond rejection and what if two mates aren’t right for each other. “What if the forces be, put you with the wrong person?” 🤝 “what if the cauldron was wrong? What if that (Azriel) is what she needs?” Antis are quite confident when Sjm wrote “why not make them (elriel) mates?” Like, you cannot get more obvious then that. Elain has told us she doesn’t want her mate. Are antis respecting that? No. See, most people are able to clock on that when a woman is losing her boldness around a man she is uncomfortable and not interested. As for Gwyn - she’s a self insert for elain antis and someone better they can replace Elain with. Its a mess.

[joemama-2]

QUEEN, I just finished the VL chapter and okay my emotions went all over the place. The flashback of their first pregnancy😭 at that point it really does seem like Satoru was unhappy about it. He was able to I guess "reel it back in?" With hug and telling her whatever she wanted to do they'd do it. But yeah nah I totally see why reader thinks he was unhappy, I know we're gonna get Satorus pov soon so hopefully they really get to talk about it.

AHH KOJI SEEING THEM AND THEN CUDDLING WITH THEM, YESS MY FAMILY 🥺🥺🥺❤️ I love how they got to have that moment. However the little hints or thoughts that keep repeating or implying something bad is going to happen is scaring me😭

The way she thought it was Satoru who ruined the picture frame 😭 her reaction was valid, she isn't aware that someone else has the key to his place, but satoru could have reminder her that he already told reader that he's been sleeping at a hotel, however the way you wrote is more realistic, they finally got to a good place then something happened, it was shattered and he's trying to keep her, doing the first thing that comes to his mind which was the hug and the kiss. I don't think there were really any other ways it could have went down, him telling her that it wasn't him and she didn't believe it so he did what he thought would if not fix the situation, then keep her there at least ykwim?

she is right tho he is the one who keeps complicating everything, he made the move on her, he turns all the conversations around on her when she wants to know his thoughts. Saying the two of them are compliacted and then saying Hogwart was a complicated situation instead of just saying it was an arrangement like C'Mon saying that isn't hard. Reader better then me cuz honestly hearing him call us complicated and then hogwart complicated would have made me crash tf out like, I would have yelled, cried and picked up our son and walked home 😭💀 he still is having communication issues and if he can't figure it out I don't think they'll end up working at all or they'll just be like a on and off again situation.

But HAHAHAHAHA YEAA FUCK HOGWART low-key hopes he says some more disrespectful (but technically it would be truthful 😈) shit to her. The way my smiled grew when it said white haired woman in the store thinking it was his mom, but then my smile dropped when I read "purple dress" 😭 kind of hoping Mei posts the video so everyone can see how awful Himari is but I feel like that's not going to happen... 😭

This was some of my thoughts throughout the chapter. The chapter was delicious I'm so excited (and scared) for the next one. ❤️

the first pregnancy, i mean yeah it’s very easy to understand where satoru’s distress and maybe even opposition to the baby are coming from. but actions have consequences. i’m excited to write his pov but also sad bc there’s one scene i have in mind and ugh, ill feel a little bad for him ;(

i’m glad u enjoyed the picture scene and while writing, i was kinda scared i wasn’t making reader act out even more, but i think she’s come to a place where any negative things that are thrown at her, she’s facing them with almost exasperation and a ‘again?’ kind of mentality.

and yes, gojo hugging and kissing her to keep her physically in his arms, we love.

the scene between himari and him was my fav lol. i mean, it’s not gonna be their last run-in so who’s to say he won’t blow up in the future when she does something? yall forgetting that she’s the reason for something else later on? 😀

mei mei being the woman she always is. it was really a string of luck that she was able to witness that situation, so ofc she’s gonna use it to her advantage.

[rrat-king]

walk with me bird,,, thinking about kristen's lack of self preservation especially in sophmore year- she does crazy shit again and again and it is funny but like. when you actually look at it, its like this elaborate performance. so much going on in kristen's brain, losing her family, (we know she's clearly still thinking about it with the start of sy being her returning to her brothers) losing her religion and then recreating it and still feeling lost.

all her life being full and told that this is the thing- that will protect you as long as you are good so kristen is good and then realizes oh. i was meant for something terrible actually, my church who vowed to protect me is actually trying to make me a hellmouth. like oh. great well i dont feel safe in that anymore, im always arguing with my parents because even they are still polluted with their religion but she lets it go she tries to find something else. and then she ends fy with her new religion and immediately doesnt like it, over the summer it still doesnt click and she changes it again, she puts her faith or even lack of it at the forefront as she does these insane choices, like a leap of faith. like oh someone has got to save me if i do this- surely someone will. (also pushing my agenda of kristen's faith eventually forming into believing in her friends bc they are the ones who always save her not the gods even though i do love cass)

like ally talking about chaos not being cute anymore really makes me think of all this- because it's like kristen being like oh well if it goes wrong than at least it's some sort of relief from this pressure of being something and at least im not plagued with thinking about not being good enough for my own parents. like her being so not aggressive but trying to counter sandralynn too- like not wanting to view her as a parental figure but as a person. kristen like almost tries to parent her in a way which sounds weird but its very like she can't turn it off in her head because she's been raised with expectation so she does feel on the same level as adults when in reality she is not but kristen believes like oh i can solve this here maybe u shouldnt be doing this thing in her relationship. i think part of it is kristen not wanting to see a parent become better and then have to wonder why her's didn't. like was she not enough for them to want to me better. it's so complex i adore kristen's character and it kinda surprises me how often she becomes very 2d in the fandom but alas, many thoughts about her

i am absolutely walking with you. i love what your talking about with her dynamic with sandra lynn (which. i will always be crazy about her and sandra lynn they are just both so intersting in thier relationships) but yeah it makes a lot of sense that she doesn't know how to properly interact with her if you think about the amount of pressure she has been given to be a spiritual leader through church or if you hc her as a parentified older sister to her little brothers (which i do personally) so she's not thinking about her interaction with sandra lynn as like, a regular adult cuz she hasn't really had those interactions before, especially when it comes to an adult not trusting her.

and i think that's why she just feels so insane in sophmore year, jsut like, she's going from something super rigid to something where it feels like she can do anything and that's fucking scary. like she has a place to stay but she doesn't really have any parents to answer to, she has a god but she has so much doubt it doesn't feel reliable, all she really has as stability is her friends and her girlfriend, and i feel like she is just incredibly reckless cuz like, she's doing better but its almost like she has nothing to lose? but she does. and she did, and i think that was what beardsley was saying about the chaos not being cute anymore, like kristen was acting like she was invinvible at times and that not only got her hurt, but also those around her, and im excited to see how she grows from that.

[lesilence]

Hi hello! I have some questions Do u have any thoughts/hcs bout mother of alberto's son? if i remember correctly u mentioned one hc that mother could be eleonore, Henry's mother. Also do u have thoughts about the son itself? Like i think he's in sicily bc clemente is paranoid and its like. To protect his son? But like do u think that his son also had involved in the criminal? Or clemente kept him away from it? Also interesting that he decided to keep the kid, like uh men more often abandon children w mothers and it's vice versa here Sorry for many questions, ure the n1 clemente enjoyer and im genuinely interested in ur thoughts bout this (n maybe smth related that i didn't mention?) And hope u're doin well 💓🙏

first of all thank you sm for the title, even if it is undeserved. also im doing as well as one can be, and i shall wish good being on anyone who is reading this at the moment too 👍

also like i do think about this really often and it’s like been on my mind many times, so im prepared (i hope)

i think i did mention one time it might be his mother but actually i like to move to it being like some kind of relative to henry, most likely an aunt or a cousin. someone close to the family but not closely related to henry. cause like, if they did have a child and were unmarried, not to mention young since it happened what clemente was still in sicily (i like to think that their son was conceived before clemente went and had to hide for killing the police captain, with fabiano being born after he went into hiding - part of why he’s still in sicily ((i like to think that the tomasinos took care of him since he was a child of their whatever she could be). clemente is probably leaving him there because a) it’s better for him and b) the kid doesn’t even know him properly), they were both in trouble. and with alberto not really caring about the rules of mafia (he breaks them left and right), i feel like there must be more to this than just knowing henry’s father and being in debt (otherwise why would clemente accept henry, especially if the guy seems like he fucks up everything he touches. he would’ve at least get rid of him later after henry’s father’s death).

i also like to believe that clemente actually loved her, because idk, it feels right, especially since he doesn’t seem to have anyone else after, not in america at least (could mean nothing but i am getting attached to this nonexistent girl). got a feeling like she might’ve died in childbirth, leaving clemente even more in debt to the tomasinos — not only did he have a child with her but she died during delivery of said child and he even ditched before the boy was born. probably why the fbi even knows about the kid, he’s like sentimental and fabiano is the only reminder he has of his late whatever she was. the kid probably has his surname, by his own wish.

to be completely honest i feel like fabiano would be interested in crime but not really allowed. like when he stayed with the tomasinos he was so young that silvio wouldn’t let him do anything and to be honest after his death idk what would’ve happened to the kid. most likely got into states too with some of henry’s brothers. maybe despises his father who left him (even if it was the best thing to do and fabiano knows this, he’s just not ready to accept it). probably staying under some different name. wanted to put him into new bordeaux just for the fun of it, like that he might be a bartender there or something. living normal life away from the shit his father does for a living.

as to the girl i think she might’ve been a bit naive to believe everything clemente told her about their future. then again, they were young and i love so who can blame her for believing and him for telling lies :(. she was probably some nice girl, very familiar to how i imagine betty was. just a girl that fell for the wrong guy and ended up paying for it, even if not really because of the criminal aspect but still.

sorry for the long ass text and stuff, got tiny bit excited i’m afraid. either way don’t take this too seriously pls cause i’m not a good thinker like the rest of my very talented fandom folks, so it’s probably really bad 😭 also i do not want to grammar check this so plz ignore the mistakes in this 🙏

[ashen-char]

sorry for the late reply! had problems at work that the whole team had to put those extra hours and it left me with no time to open tumblr.

thank you so much for sending the interviews, they've helped me see ivan in a new light! he definitely doesn't have bad intentions but his actions ended up causing more harm then good at the end unfortunately for him and everyone else around him! i now believe he likes anora because of what she showed him and represents to him, a new kind of freedom he never experienced before he met her, he likes that in her. he definitely has a lot of growing up and maturing to do tho.

i said babied because i didn't remember a better word, i meant like when the parents give whatever their kid wants to shut the kis up, you know? instead of sitting down with the kid and try to understand their feelings and why they did what they did they just gave whatever they could so they would stop whine or act up, you know? i believe that's part of the reason ivan runs aways from his problems instead of facing them, he never had to do it! his parents probably didn't care if he acted up at school or did somehting wrong in life, at least nothing that would cause any damage to their image, and just told whoever complained about ivan's behavior to just call their secretary or representative and work it out with them, so he never faced any consequences about his actions, he saw that he could get away with no real consequences because his parents didn't fucking care if he broke a window at school for example, he just had to shove some money in people's face and they would forget, you know what i mean? he never saw his parents care enough to correct his behavior and say 'hey! you did something wrong? you fucked something up? you've hurt someone? well now you have to face the consequences of your actions and make things right!' so babied was definitely the wrong word to use, sorry about that! now that i think about it i should've used neglected! thank you for pointing that out.

i just think it makes full sense that the other dancers, specially the ones who aren't that close to ani, would think her and reader are together, the signs are all there! i just know when anora left they were like 'shit... i really thought her and reader were dating damn... they're so blind!'

SPOILERS FOR ANORA'S ENDING AHEAD!! DON'T READ!!

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okay see now i feel so embarrassed for saying i saw igor as kinda of anora's big brother figure, like this is really embarrassing bro, so disappointing.

anyways now it makes sense what you said about anora telling reader she would give them a lapdance to repay all the food they make for her, she did the same for igor when he gave her back the ring! MAYBE because it's the only way she knows to show she's thankful, she feels like saying it isn't enough and probably because she got so used to having to use her body so much she doesn't feel like her words are enough, she doesn't feel enough unless she uses her body, her sensuality because she got used to people wanting her for only one thing and doing things for her to have something in return and in all cases they wanted something sexual in return.

i think maybe it really was a test to see if igor would be like all the others and only do somehting nice thinking about what he would get as a thank you, but i believe he wanted her to be happy after all the sadness and tragedy she faced recently so he got the ring back for her, he understands not having anything and hanging on to 'little things' that you fought so hard to have but he wouldn't say no to a lapdance from her.

HELLO YES I WAS DELAYING ANSWERING THIS BC IT'S TECHNICALLY OUT NOW AND OUR HCS ARE VERY MUCH EITHER TRUE/FALSE NOW. split it into three parts again

READER:

imagine ani joining in on the Headquarters' girls gossiping about their partners. they're jokingly complaining, stuff like "ugh he always leaves his socks lying around. i'm working all night and i have to see that as soon as i walk in? he's lucky he's cute" and ani naturally starts talking about you. in fact, most of her stories are about you. to the point where she brings up your name in front of her sister, just something casual like "oh y/n told me about this show, apparently it's really good. let's watch it next" and she grills ani about who you are.

it's just completely normal for ani to inject you into conversation. the other girls tease her about it, asking when you're planning on tying the knot. she tells them they're being ridiculous and to shut up and finish their makeup.

another hc i have is that you'd introduce her to video games. ani doesn't have much time for hobbies, instead she'd probably just go out with her friends and party. you catch her wincing because of all her bruises from practicing choreo (especially her tricks on the pole) and basically put her on house arrest. you wanna show her that fun isn't just going out, and you can have plenty of fun staying in! she'd roll her eyes but find it sweet that you clearly care so much so she'd go along with it. ani would've sworn that gaming isn't her thing BUT you know her, you know what she'd like, what she needs and doesn't have in her life. you'd introduce her to cozy games bc her life is hectic enough and you know she loves to manage/sort stuff (she makes playlists and mixes galore). she'd absolutely get hooked on animal crossing with all the decorating and collecting. you have walked in on her cussing out a villager for being rude.

IVAN:

i still haven't seen it yet still but mikey's been saying interesting stuff in the recent content that's come out. in the one where mikey and sean annotate the party scene, mikey called to attention what anora thought about ivan then. she liked that he fixed her dress, covered her up, something subtle implied that he wanted her for more than sex. ani slowed down their sex even when she didn't have anything to gain from it, when it'd be easier money to have him keep rushing it. ani wasn't in love with ivan either, but neither of them had bad intentions. they both saw freedom in each other, they both liked that they could run away from responsibilities together.

and to reiterate i do not Like ivan, i don't like peter pan either. whether he was neglected isn't an excuse to run off without ani who was fighting for him, fighting for their possible future. it is unfortunate that he doesn't know any better. i feel like his childishness/running aren't even what i dislike about him, if anything it's relatable. rather, sean called to attention how ivan treats "the help" in toros and garnick, asking partygoers to keep an eye out for "those armenians" bc he wanted to snort coke without being in trouble. he yells at hotel staff as a joke. it's not a bad thing to aspire towards fun and hedonism, but what he does find fun is something that speaks to the distance between him and ani. he'll never know what it feels like to be on the lower rungs, to do service for other people, too used to being the one serviced. he wouldn't care. even if they were left unbothered by his parents, would he ever ask ani about her previous troubles in life? would he ever understand her?

IGOR:

it's a cute assumption! i like it, it was just funny with the knowledge of definitely not big brother dynamic. i've seen tweets like "the way ani talks to igor is the way i talk to my boyfriend" (implying that she's mean but he can take it, which i desperately wanna see). if we see ani's hopefulness/slight naivety with falling for ivan, then her brash and real side is with igor and that's what i'm curious about.

i need to watch their scenes together. i already like igor and ani better than ivan and ani (i mean, even just the fact that igor was the one who goes "i like anora, it's a pretty name"). the ending's unclear for a reason but i just want the best for anora you know?

[youremyheaven]

I really loved your post about moon dominant men and women. maybe bc I had a toxic friend like that, i liked that you kinda said a lot of bad stuff about them/criticized their behavior 😭 i LOVED that with my whole RAGE. idk if you can resonate too with all that I'll say, but i remember my friend always wanted to be on a different side than me. she legit accused other people of doing really bad things to her and, or told me "That guy is really abusive" for no apparent reason and pretended as if, since she felt that, then it must be true (also she talked shit about women and PROUDLY believed that if she felt that way about them, it's because they are hiding something/being sus). I used to think she had a good intuition, but she let that thing be blurred by her projections so much that in the end, she wasn't reliable AT ALL and mostly she was just picking up on things about herself and "blaming" others. Reminds me of the meme that says something like "Me saying there are bad vibes in the room but I'm the bad vibes in the room" lol. Also if you showed her proof that, for example, her favorite actor was an abuser or something she always replied "I'm not gonna believe that, there isn't enough proof" she used to believe the dumbest and craziest stuff like birds have cameras, her phone camera is hacked and someone is seeing her?? but if you showed her something REAL and TRUE she didn't believe it at all and she always said something like "hmm im not sure" I remember one day she was telling me that Aquarius was a water sign (it's stupid ik) I showed her screenshots and pics of a book saying Aquarius is an air sign and she said "I don't care, I don't think that's true" she was such a toxic bitch who never apologized for shit because she was incapable of recognizing her shitty behavior. she always talked about her parents as if they were the worst for the smallest dumbest shit like, her dad didn't think buying x was a good idea. One day I was suicidal and she told me that it was too much for her and that she needed to "take time for herself" Selena Gomez who?? and then claimed that I ruined her perception of me bc of that and she couldn't take it anymore. like?? if your friend being depressed victimized and ruined it all for YOU maybe you weren't a good friend to begin with. And it's not like I was draining her every day with my problems bc I'm the type to keep everything to myself and not ask anyone for help. She was the only friend who felt that way about the situation (it affected her so much that it was one of her reasons for deleting me from every social media 2 years later, out of nowhere, and making me feel like im the one who hurt her legit blaming it all on me feeling depressed once) she was also 3x moodier than me, 3x more mentally troubled and she attended parties/meetings with this face 😒 almost EVERY TIME, but if you were sad/angry or disappointed and you showed it, she always made herself the victim or said something like "Yeah that time you cried I wanted to kill you" like babe??? you are always in a bad mood but when someone else was, you dared to take it personally and act like you always do and know better. im really sorry if this was long, but your post helped me process this more than i already did 😭😭😭😭😭

omg bestieee im glad my post could help you😭😩😭 and im so so so sorry that you went through all that

as someone who endured a lot of abuse at the hands of multiple Moon dominant people, i really couldnt hold back on those posts even though I usually dont talk that much shit on any of my astro posts,,

what you said about the hating parents bit took me back to all the times my toxic ex bestie would fight with her parents over the dumbest stuff (her mom didn't let her buy something from the grocery store, im not kidding she had a whole meltdown bc of this) and what u said about them not giving a shit about your feelings/mental health LMFAO sounds exactly right,, i was sharing some deeply sad stuff and they said "okay i dont want to hear any more" like literally they said that,, i understand how some things can be triggering to hear but ??? there has to be a better way to deal with that situation instead of telling the person who is having a breakdown that u "can't hear it". she never apologised or saw anything wrong with her behaviour either. all the empathy i never received has pissed me off so much man, i feel u,, i feel so wronged for having put up with that stuff and for thinking that this is just how it is.

anybody reading this, please cut those fcking people out. they dont care, they never will and you will lose your time and energy on things you're better off without. cut them out. zero explanation. you dont owe them one.

[ersatz-introspective]

can we talk more about how npd can really crush your interests

like how is it, whenever i find someone else who likes what i like, i automatically feel attacked or defensive until i can wager in some way i'm more familiar with the subject than them?

unless i myself have instilled that interest in someone, but even then, if they end up liking it more than me, i feel equally defensive.

if someone says i like something bcs of them, i still get defensive.

if i have a talent due to something i have passion in, it is imperative to be better at it than everyone i know, to find the flaws in other people's skills (which can be useful to teach yourself but not so much when you're finding ways to believe you're better). to never spend time leisurely enjoying my talent, but to need to CONSTANTLY top my last record. nothing less is unacceptable. if someone's better than me, then Clearly i must quit growing this talent

if i have a hobby that people look up to me for, i easily turn something i once enjoyed into a steadily raising standard and if i can't constantly be better, i may as well give up before i lose ly dignity

i can hardly pick up new hobbies, because if i'm not good at something immediately, i risk humiliation. i can't be new at anything, because if i'm not perfect immediately, i feel like i'd rather die

if i enjoy or am good at something and nobody's recognising it, then what's the point?

it makes me feel like such a child.

i used to really like reading and writing. i was hyperlexic. early in elementary school, i got into the highest lexile bracket & read everything in the library. i was constantly reading things at home. between the ages of 11 & 12, my state reading scores surpassed about 98% of students my age, i had the reading score of someone in college. i was told i was my english teachers best writer & critical thinker (& i would get upset if i was one lf the best, not the best. there's no point in settling for next best). my creative writing teacher had told the principal about my writing. meanwhile i also liked maths, i easily finished all my work before everyone else without the use of a calculator, but nobody recognised me for it. i got in trouble for getting 0 points on homework i did, but forgot to have a parent sign. i didn't get any recognition for speedy work in comparison to my amab peers. because of that, i decided to not even try. i would much rather fail my classes than be seen as average or not quite good enough. this same attitude persisted throughout highschool. although i was praised for being one of the best writers, i got so tired. i stopped reading, i stopped writing. because somebody might be better than i am. my little sister was good at reading through elementary and middle. she wasn't as good as i was, but she grew up with a much healthier family than i had & she got regularly praised for this when i only had been by my school. i didn't ever try to exert how good i was at english i was too over herw i supported her, but it also made me feel resentful & i just stopped trying to enjoy reading & writing because what was the point anymore? i stopped being known as the person who always asked questions, because i'd met other people that were like that too. i've nearly quit art so lany times. i can't even play a noncompetitive game without competition, because if i'm not constantly getting better at something, if i falter once, it could be grounds for a crash. if i get anything below a 95%, if someone recieves a score higher than me on something i genuinely tried on?

it's much safer to not try & pretend you don't actually care about it, because at least then it's an issue of effort, not what i am and am not capable of doing

yadda yadda yadda having npd fucking SUCKS sometimes but also i'm not gonna pretend my home life & school didn't enable this

[ghoulangerlee]

if i could ask without it being rude. . .

what/when did you realize you were nonbinary?

lately i've been wondering if the gender binary fits for me and i was just hoping you might have some answers or guidance or something

anon this is not rude at all! i am always open to talk about my experiences with gender identity! thank you so much for feeling safe enough to come to me, I do hope my answer sheds some light on things for you.

please excuse any spelling errors bc I am currently typing with one eye open haha. (also under a read more bc i got wordy sorry I hope this helps!! I'm here for you anon!!)

So, I was about 19 when I realized that 'girl' didn't really fit me? Looking back I think it might have always been like this, but I grew up in a small southern town where the only out gay person was bullied so relentlessly that he left town and we never saw him again.

So, 19, I come across this tumblr account that centered heavily on genderfluidity, and for a while that identity felt safe to me? I've always been more masculine leaning in general, from a very young age and at the time (this was 2011) genderfluid seemed right. I would fluidly slip between masc and fem and it all felt comfortable and safe and nothing like I'd ever experienced before. Small town me finding out there was more than just gay, lesbian, bi and trans? (trans here in the sense of transgender like, trans man or trans woman).

So yeah, I think at that point for me though, I just lost my mom, I was dealing with a lot of stuff and I didn't have the bandwidth to look too far into anything beyond something that finally made sense in my brain. So while I do still stand by me ID'ing as genderfluid for a few years, it never actually felt right. And you know? That's okay. It was sort of a stepping stone for me, I think. To look more into other gender identities. Because at that time, beyond genderfluid I only knew of trans men and trans women, in like I guess the binary gender sense?

To preface this, I know that definitions of transgender has changed over the years, this is just my personal experience with all of this, which is why some of it may come off as idk outdated?

Anyway, while I ID'd as genderfluid, I went by a masculine nickname and still used she/her pronouns just because I didn't really consider using anything else. Someone once referred to me using he and that sorta felt okay? But also not...right? At the same time. Like it felt better than she, but in the sense that it was a little off to the left of better. Not a perfect fit, but an okay one.

Honestly I could probably dig deep enough on my blog and maybe find some ramblings from that time if I tried hard enough, though I can't for the life of me figure out what I'd have tagged it haha.

So, I don't exactly remember what finally brought on nonbinary other than once I told someone that I didn't really feel like a person? I felt more like a genderless blob so to speak, and that she/her and he/him didn't really feel right to me.

And that friend was like 'well what about they?'

And then someone referred to me using they and everything sort of clicked into place right after that.

My experiences with gender have been quite turbulent, in the past I've dealt with heavy gender dysphoria because I had this idea in my mind that I needed to look androgynous in order to identify as nonbinary. That I wasn't nonbinary enough if I had tits. I binded for several years and fucked my ribs up with it because I am also fat. So, in I would say 2013 is when I finally started using nonbinary? So internet culture led me to believe I needed to be thin and have a flat chest in order to be the right kind of nonbinary, because otherwise I was just a woman.

I still get called she/her in my real life, other than my husband and our friend who both use they/them when referring to me. But, I've learned these past several years that nonbinary doesn't look a certain way? That I don't have to be more masculine leaning in order to ID that way. It feels right, when people use they/them and when they call me Lee, which is why I typically introduce myself that way, other than doctor's offices, and other official places use my birth name.

It took a lot of growing for me, because I had so many negative ideas about femininity and how I could also navigate that while being nonbinary. I refused to wear makeup for the longest time because I thought that that meant I was just faking it, and being a woman.

I've always wanted to be feminine but in the same way that like, a masculine person can be feminine, I guess? So like, in a 'cis man wears a dress and makeup' sort of way if that makes sense.

And I had this idea that I couldn't do that, otherwise I was just a fake nonbinary person?

What ultimately helped me was in 2016/2017 when I worked for Home Depot, my head cashier actually lead a local lgbt+ group and she immediately latched onto me not being straight or cis. Again, this was the south so there was a little bit of growing pains, we all ended up sitting down and talking about gender identity, I talked with some older people who were nonbinary and it opened my mind to start viewing things in a way that like, helped me, I guess?

Like, yeah, makeup is traditionally worn by a woman, but because I am not a woman, wearing makeup does not make me a woman. Just as wearing traditionally masculine clothing, does not make me a man. It just makes me a person wearing make up or a person wearing clothing.

I think overall, if I would have stayed on the internet and kept listening to those people who say that you have to look/be a certain way in order to be nonbinary, I wouldn't have probably reconciled my own issues with how I perceived myself vs nonbinary.

Overall, I'd say start small, the first thing I did was use neutral pronouns, this isn't to say you can't use neopronouns if those feel right to you, or use something like he/they or she/they bc a lot of nonbinary people do that too.

It's okay to experiment with gender. It's okay to tell your friends that you want to be referred to using only neutral pronouns, or a set neopronouns, or what have you. See how that feels.

Take a step back and look at how you perceive certain things, when I was finally able to let go of the idea that things had to be gendered, and that those gendered things only fit one particular gender, it made things so much easier for me.

I stopped hating my chest. Like I'd said earlier, I binded for a while, and it was so uncomfortable, but I Felt like I had to just because of what I'd heard the uh "gatekeepers of gender" say. But now? finding a bra that fits nicely and accentuates my chest? Euphoric.

None of that makes me a woman. I am just a person, and I like things.

Living in the south, good luck with me trying to ever explain this to people around here. So I'm out, but I'm not explicitly out I guess. If people clock it? Good for them. If not? Oh well. I don't really correct people on my pronouns, just because I've finally reached a point where I'm okay with it. My sister and brother in law still call me by my birth name and that's fine too. Because in my head, my name is Lee and my birth name is just a nickname that they have for me.

And again, all of this came with time. With several years. I started this when I was 19 and I'm 31 now, so it took a decent chunk. It's important that you've got a good support system too. And honestly, I'm here for you anon. If you ever need to talk, or vent or anything, my askbox is open. If you wanna come off anon and dm me? Sure.

I can even give you my discord if you'd prefer that.

Navigating gender can be scary, but, it'll be okay. <3

[sepiasys]

Thinking about: what if—assuming I am in fact a system, that I have DID—I'm right and there are in fact alters that have trouble with verbality? And I'd never known for certain?

Because now I'm thinking about it. And I know it can very well be possible, to some extent; even if it's just like a selective mutism or verbal shutdown or any other thing.

"Evidence":

mom tells the story of grandpa asking her if she knew her granddaughter (I) could talk; which she always says in a lighthearted/playful way for her responding "No".

Vague memories of elementary school to middle school where I'm either a yapper or the quiet kid (90% of the time the latter)

> specifically being told again by mom about how I got in trouble for talking and she was SURPRISED. Again!

> This can be nuanced tho. Bc I don't rlly YAP around strangers, or likely didn't typically do that. Did with friends unless they ignored me, then I let them ignore me and acted like I wasn't offended at all by being lowkey abandoned. But also; I absolutely yap to strangers. But it's cuz they have the good vibe!!! Friendliness!! (This makes me believe wholeheartedly I could tell that other random kids didnt like me. Probably bc they might not have gone up to me to chit chat. But also who knows, I sure don't!)

> Also I don't usually yap without a reason to. And I usually stop immediately when I think or know I'm not being listened to.

So many instances, especially now that I have some level of awareness of possible audhd and other stuff, where I think of saying or doing something and I just CANT. I'm busy doing smth!! But I REALLY want to stop and talk!! I know I need to answer when they say or ask smth, I just. I literally cannot right now, I swear I'm trying to pry myself away from this task that I don't need to do and am lowkey doing automatically.

> I like to think that's how it is sometimes, with that last one. You want to, you know you need to (and also that *I can*, which not everyone can), but you literally just can't do it. Can't make yourself do what you want to.

And man. The other thing is when the immediate thought or reaction I have is. Idk, our of character for me in the moment? Which is either "oh, I wouldn't say that, that's not *me* behavior" or it's "Ah, that would be funny, I probably could/would say this. But also I can't."

Idk, for that I'm kinda thinking about how I've had thoughts of things to say/reply to my friends with, and I think it would be funny, but also it's just really *not me*. Like I normally don't think of that stuff, behave that way.

I will attribute it to the fact that everyone copies everyone totally and learned behaviors and like. How socializing and culture works. And that it's just my brain taking the conglomeration of behavior and traits it's seen and watched and learned, and creating something it thinks would fit the scenario/situation/group/conversation. Taking the noodles and other ingredients (patterns in behavior) and making spaghetti with it (a fitting reaction, hypothetically) frfr

I will also claim this is similar to my whole "hypothetical humor". Where I listen to a conversation and think of a joke or smth witty, but specifically if it was said from someone else's pov. Like. If I say it, it's weird. If someone ELSE were to say it, though, it'd be funny! (For ease, imagine racist jokes /j)

It usually works better in close friend groups, I swear. Specifically if you're one of the regulars, and not a straggler, a stray that a few people adopted.

[princessdreamie]

DBH part 49

Over thr days LM &Br were spending some time with eachother, where she mostly complained over her 'misfortunes'. LM, the delusional person he still is, believes that she will get better and hypes her up. That seemed to do the trick bc she plans to finally confront C about their relationship forward.

Cut to the food mall where C & his Friends went for a snack. C had to sneeze again. His pals joke that someone talks about him in the moment. C had the feeling they were right.

But b4 he could dwell on it any further, a girl's voice called out to him.

C looked up and saw an ild face running up to their table. It was Sa and she appeared to be in a good mood.

C introduced her to the others that haven met her yet while sitting down.

The little group talked a bit more until another person walked in. It was Br with Zo. The duo haven't seen them yet but the boy quickly hid themselves in the crowd. Said, rightfully confused, asked her penpal what was going on.

C heard from Lv last time they talked to be steering clear from Br & her new friend. He came to know that this Zo person was a member of her school newspaper club and that Be always gives her new stories to write about. Be is oblivious to it but Lv was going to talk about this once they meet again in one of their family dinners.

So to not give them a chance to fall into their hands they hide till thry find an opening to leave.

Sa found that absurd but she didnt know Br like C does. All he asked her to was not to say anything about their relationship or what they were doing.

But as luck would have it Br saw a glimps of C an began moving to his direction.

C's friends told him to get out to hide somewhere else. They split, C & Sa hid together behind a fountain resting from Br's pursue. What they didn't know was thatthe gossip girl, So, had an even better hiding spot and snapped a few pictures of the 'couple'.

With a wicked grin she looked through her shots and brainstormed a good story. Shejut needed to come up with a good way to describe it to her club leader.

As for who would be her 'informant', she just was going to use Uno again. No wouldn't really care for all she knows. Once she was done with her scrolling she was surprised by Be standing behind her.

Br questioned her about the small camera. Stammering at her words, having no way out, she gave her the device. As the girl was looking at the pictures, her face turned red in anger. In all if them C and the new girl appeared very close to eachother. Zo came up with the excuse that she didn't want her to see it until she got more evidence of the relationship between him and the new girl.

Br bought her lame lie and told her to investigate further for her. So got her camera back, and both left the area.

[torc87]

Difference between being white passing and white:

So I am a Russian born Jew. What this means is that despite being born in Moscow, my parents being born in Moscow, my birth certificate said Jewish. As did theirs. This also means that the only thing I knew about Judaism till I was ten ( we moved to the US when I was 8) was DO NOT EVER TELL ANYONE YOU ARE JEWISH. My mother told me that when I was 3 or 4. I think I must have told someone in day care? I can't recall but her telling me that, right outside the fence, is one of my earliest memories.

So yeah, not very religious us. I mean, we tried later. I won a year's scholarship and spent 5th grade in a yeshiva - my mother didn't know how else to pick out a school from the random list she got, just figured it shouldn't be a Christian for profit school. Only a year though bc I Was ten - I came home and started asking why we didn't celebrate any holidays. We tried ...first passover seder we did, my great grandparents served pork chops and apple turnovers. Bread and pork, exactly the thing for a seder, right? ( Ok, they knew about the pork, no one actually cared). My mother pulled me from yeshiva after a year bc I was going a bit deeper into the religious aspects than she was comfortable w.

I became Pagan at 16, it fit my beliefs better. I am still Pagan now, altar in my home and everything.

So not very religious, haven't worn a magen david since I was 12. Usually in pants, tank tops, etc. Bright colored red hair. I'm generally assumed to be Hispanic if it's summer - my skin tans dark.

I haven't had much to do w the Jewish community since I became Pagan. Haven't been in a synagogue since my great grandparents died.

Haven't had much to do w antisemitism either - I pass well, as I said. Unless people ask they usually don't realize.

I've had a college classmate ask me where my horns were - in all seriousness. She was Midwestern, hadn't met a Jew before. I looked at her like she was insane, bc who the hell actually believes that medieval drivel these days?

Or a coworker saying her college was controlled by Jews bc they gave major Jewish holidays off. Note that they also gave major Christian ones off too - as does EVERY public college and school in the US. That equality meant to her that she was being discriminated against.

But yeah, otherwise? I interact in the US like any other white person.

Primarily bc I don't participate in the traditions of my ethnicity and religion. It's really easy not to notice that Yom Kippur is a work day when I don't have to take a personal day for it. I don't fast and I don't care about working on it, so I don't have to take it off. See? Regular white person. Same w every other holiday. Same w not dealing w anti-Semitism - if no one knows I'm Jewish, I'm basically white, right? Maybe it would change how they treat me if they knew, but as long as I don't say it and don't act or dress Jewish, they won't know! Problem solved!

That's the difference btwn white and white passing. If people knew, if you did the things your identity usually does ( e.g. if you are gay and went out w men instead of being closeted) would the way people treat you change?

I found out for myself recently.

W all the rising anti-Semitism in the US the last year, I decided to wear a magen david again.

Not bc I'm not scared, not bc I think it's safe - but bc I think it isn't.

Bc I lost family in the Holocaust and while I am fully comfortable changing my RELIGION to Pagan, my ethnicity is and will always be Jewish.

Bc my rule has always been, if asked " I'm Pagan, unless an anti-semite is asking, in which case, fuck yes, I'm Jewish, is that a problem?"

Bc I refuse to be a hypocrite while there are a lot of anti-Semites asking that right now.

Bc I refuse to live in a country where I must hide my race or religion for my own safety. Been there, done that, we Left Russia bc of it. I'm not interested in going back.

So I put on a magen david. Got instant attn from coworkers. Peaceful, so far I hope, though I got a lot of questions on the Israel-Gaza situation that I hadn't gotten before and don't think anybody else has at all.

Not much else so far though.

So basically Jewish is like white w white privilege, right?

I'm in a white majority country, I'm not closeted, I'm still being treated ok, so Jews must be white ?

Except...

That first day I put on my magen david, the purpose of wearing which was to be visibly Jewish, I was visiting my grandfather in the rehab center.

He's in his 90s. WW2 Ghetto survivor. Doesn't speak English.

And I was putting on the magen david to go visit him ...and I realized that while I can cope w discrimination due to it, if I wore it, I could not guarantee his treatment by the staff of the rehab center wouldn't change once they realized he was Jewish.

It's a hell of a helpless feeling, to know your vulnerable family member is dependent on people who could treat him badly or even just w less care the moment they found out his ethnicity.

It is ethnicity, by the way. He is as religious as the rest of us - not very. Lived in Russia all his life. Eats pork. Doesn't keep holidays. But people could chose to treat him badly bc of who he was born as.

Doesn't sound very white to me now, that. Not many white people are treated badly bc of their race in a white majority country.

Don't think many white people had to hide their heritage, as I chose to do, in 2024, in a liberal city that has a lot of Jews, out of fear of the treatment their vulnerable family would receive from staff.

Do ethnically white British people have that experience ? Ethnically Irish or Scottish in Britain maybe, but then Irish/etc weren't considered white by Brits less than a century ago. I know Italian heritage folk don't hide they are Italian to avoid being treated badly.

But the tiny act of wearing a necklace - not changing my clothes, not the way I speak, not my location or birthplace or opinions was enough to create the possibility that people would treat me and him different.

As other.

That is a far closer similarity to white passing African Americans.

The experience of wondering if people would treat your vulnerable family member badly based on their race is what I imagine many African Americans, Asians, Indians, Arabs feel when leaving their child in a daycare for ex. That fear. The knowledge that just being who you are can cause people to treat you differently. The risk.

The risk that would be heightened if I wore traditional skirts, long sleeves shirts, covered my hair, if my grandfather wore a yarmulke on his head or prayed.

In other words, if we didn't pass.

That is the difference. Do you still keep that white privilege of people know your identity? Bc if not, you aren't white. Just white passing.

[moonlightandromache]

That's fair, if it makes you feel better I experienced the opposite in a way (I was pretty much directly told I'd have to quit my job, which if I think about it is obvious, but I'm still so sad- I love my job and the people. Part of me is like "it's okay, I can quit my job, go to school, ask for my job back <3" as though It makes any sense to go back to my CASHIER job after completing four years of nursing school) 

And that's completely understandable, everything is one day at a time. I'm sure the future will be better!! 

I would love for that to be something I'm capable of but instead I'm way too?? Bad at consuming media. Like TWO of my friends LOVE sandman so I was like "okay I'll watch it for you guys" put it on and didn't pay attention to a single second. 

I honestly judge that one less I tried so hard to watch Titans so go off. I know she appears in some Wonderwoman comics because I opened volume 8 and she was PISSED about something I missed because I only had volumes 1,2 and 8. But it was definitely largely important. (It should've been the new 52 run) hopefully you like the one you have open!! 

I use it a lot at work to make my hands feel right again, that's it. But you're right!! It's all personal and that's what matters. 

i have a tag on the first book so I know when it's available and then I'll probably try it. I'm glad you've been enjoying it! And that makes sense I get that (personally if I DO start reading it I'll probably google all the vibes because I hate suspense- it's why I got yelled at the last time I read a book my friend recommended. Apparently I "spoiled the end of Gideon" and "found out the whole thing harrows trying to figure out in Harrow" and I was like ¯⁠\⁠_⁠(⁠ツ⁠)⁠_⁠/⁠¯ but now no surprises) 

I went to the library yesterday!! I had to go to work to get something so I just kept running errands so I went to the library and I asked for an online library card. I spent like all night after that just *looking* at my options now. I picked a sad book (my favorite kind) that I need to remember to read and tagged a bunch for later (including, like I said, the Raven Boys- audiobook I think) 

i got to issue 11!! I know that's not a huge jump but I decided I was gonna read a couple and then I did. (because your site is so linear, and like just automatically goes to the next issue, it's a lot harder to stop lmao) 

Did you read the annual with Harley and Lobo? On my old old site that was counted as something else but not yours so I imagine you did? 

and tbch I haven't read ground zero yet, I own it but I just haven't cracked it open. That all sounds great though. 

His name IS Jake. HOWEVER he got the nickname Music Man because he just started playing music out of his pocket because the radio wasn't good enough so I started calling him "music Man" and then I heard his co worker call him Jake so boom Music Man Jake. But if it helps I have to physically restrain myself from instead calling him music man *Kyle* for some reason. (I believe it's because of the existence of Theatre Gay Kyle and Crackhead Kyle already in my life)

I know of that too but I also don't remember where it's from. And she IS in fact significantly better than all of them. Everyone knows boys drool girls rule. She can fuck'em all up and I love her for that. 

I think, in all honesty? I don't know how much you'll *like* year zero (Dinah's in it but not largely, Diana Might have a larger role? But iirc it's not really the marks you're trying to hit) HOWEVER that being said, it's a very short run so I'd say go for it. I'd you don't like it and it's hard to get through just stop. 

​​​​​​​Have a good day <3 

boy howdy my life has been busy, apologies for my delay in response.

as it turns out, and now i can say it bc before i was paranoid somehow someone would find my blog and relate it to my job and learn the news this way, i am losing my job in the sense that my place of work will be closing end of january. i’m gonna miss my coworkers most of all and a good amount of the dogs as well but i’m otherwise handling this news pretty well i think? idk like i’ve said i’ve been so burnt out and i thankfully have the fallback of being able to go back to living with my parents while i recalibrate. i have a feeling i will be sadder the closer it gets to closing time but for now i’m putting emotions about it on a shelf for later.

oh that’s totally fair. i definitely don’t consume every media friends like/recommend bc i don’t have the time and tbh not everything interests me but if the interests vaguely line up i do try. or at least im trying to try. and sometimes trying to try things that don’t necessarily sound particularly interesting but sound like they could be surface level fun and there’s nothing wrong with enjoying something at surface level. idk. its hard to commit to starting new things to be invested in. there’s just not enough time in the world.

(personally if i ever end up in a time loop i will be fucking around and consuming as much media as possible before looking for a resolution.)

i think i honestly stand by the fact that titans has some really good moments. but it just also has some really bad moments. i wouldn’t say it’s balanced necessarily but god the good stuff is so good to me and i am willing to suffer through the bad. (and to some degree. some of the Bad honestly became comedic to me-though bald connor will never be one of those that shit was god awful. boy needs his hair, i’ll say it.)

congrats on going to the library!!! huge step and i love that for you!! you are SO valid re googling the vibes. i didn’t feel like there was a whole lot of suspense in the first book personally but i also was not surprised by two of the “dramatic reveals” but i may have also been potentially over analytic of the first book so i’m not sure i’m the best judge of character.

ALSO!!!! the locked tomb!!! love that series!! they make for great audiobooks though a little confusing and confusing stuff is harder in audiobook format bc i can’t easily reread bits until my brain has digested them. but it’s so much easier for me to get through an audiobook because i can do it while doing other stuff.(i feel like i’ve already talked about audiobooks so i’m not gonna continue on the ramble that’s forming in my head and move on instead.)

i try to make it my philosophy that any progress no matter how small is still progress so congrats on making it to issue 11. i definitely agree that it’s a little too easy to just keep going thru the issues on that site bc i’ve definitely been like “i’ll read a few” and then binge a whole lot. ah well.

i did read that annual! all the annuals were put at the start of each year so i read them before each year.

ground zero is definitely fun if you can put aside the joker of it all! would recommend!

i have not done any more reading of the injustice verse because again. life been busy. but i do think i’m gonna give year zero a try before starting on injustice2 just because it is so short. i keep telling myself i should start on it and then i am so easily distracted and lately i’ve been on a sudoku kick. my sister also shared this house flipping game with me and it’s fun but very frustrating bc it doesn’t run well on my computer so i don’t know how long i’ll keep up with that game.

ahjsjd that’s valid. i take it he was playing it out of his phone in his pocket and not a very small but very cool tiny instrument in his pocket anksdjs

life has been hectic but i’m hanging in there and doing relatively well right now. hope you are also hanging in there and doing relatively well!!