#someone who's watching black sails just to see pretty people or just to see action or just to see romance

[phykios]

Review: "I Accidentally Vaporize My Pre-Algebra Teacher"

It was a long wait for the Black Sails reunion tour–but it was worth it!

Jokes aside, I first started to really get excited for Percy Jackson 2023 once I saw the news that Jonathan Steinberg had been tapped as showrunner. (This is the first weekly plug to go watch Black Sails if you haven’t, btw.) Despite a rough and rocky start, Black Sails surpassed the usual limits of a “boobs, blood and sex” costume drama and pivoted into some seriously excellent character-driven drama, and I’m hopeful that Percy Jackson can do the same. Awkward preamble completed, allow me to jump right into the good, the bad, and the as-yet-unquantifiable: 

(Because I know this fandom has a tendency to get, uh, wacky, let me preface this by saying that these are my opinions, and they are just opinions. Any comments on acting, writing, directing, etc., are not attacks on the people behind them, and should not be treated as such. I firmly believe critique is an act of love, and that the best reviews don’t change minds, but treat readers to another point of view instead.)

Percy Jackson opens in a dream. Slowly, against the backdrop of thunder and french horns, our hero emerges from the storm, walking slowly to the foreground. This dreamlike quality continues as we are treated to a minute and a half of flashback, the diegetic noises of the world muted in favor of Percy’s narration, and further into the beginnings of the adapted book content. Percy is, of course, immediately drawn to the statue of his namesake, but it’s a motivation more deeply underpinned by Sally, played by the frankly phenomenal Virginia Krull, before the warm, golden memory is rudely interrupted by the present, and the first real glimpse of the mythological world.

As Percy force-shoves Nancy Bobofit into a fountain (the CGI is pretty bad, honestly. But CGI has been bad everywhere, so I’ll let it slide), Megan Mullally’s Mrs. Dodds makes her grand, 30-second appearance. This little encounter–it feels like an overstatement to call it a “fight”–is over almost before it begins. I would have liked this scene to have a little more weight to it, given that it is the first encounter with the mythological world… but at the same time, I think the understated nature works in two ways: first, I am so, so glad to see something other than bog standard action flick fight, and second, the way she moves through the crowd without them noticing her adds to the feelings of isolation and “brokenness” that Percy struggles with. No one else even notices the monster making her way towards him. I think it’s a direction that speaks on multiple levels, recalling particularly the underlying theme of useless/abusive adults in the books. 

Which makes it all the sadder when Grover briefly turns on Percy and gets him expelled. I have to commend Aryan here for this scene–he’s clearly struggling with the decision to get Percy out of there, keeping him safe at the expense of their friendship. I really like how Aryan plays Grover’s more anxious side, but also as someone who can step up and push down his fear in order to do his job. It would have really been easy to play him as a one-note, terrified sidekick, and I’m glad Grover has some spine. 

And speaking of one note–Gabe. I understand why they downplay some of his more blatantly abusive aspects, and I think they make up for it with the surrounding shots, especially Percy sighing in the hallway as he hears him yelling, and Eddie the plumber apologizing for putting him in a mood, but I’m not sure I’m sold on it, yet. Right now, he doesn’t come off as someone who deserves death-by-Medusa-head, but I wouldn’t be surprised if they dial him up later on. 

Also, Virginia Krull is incredible. She was, far and away, my favorite performance of the premiere, particularly in the scene at Montauk. Krull’s Sally has the toughness that the books always implied, at least in the early days, but never really demonstrated until much later in the series, layered beneath an easy sweetness that makes it really, really easy to forgive her for keeping secrets. Ironically, Krull’s performance makes Gabe somewhat more palatable, as it seems like she can go toe-to-toe with him, instead of acting like a more stereotypically “docile” battered spouse. 

The Montauk scene is easily an episode highlight. Whether it’s Sally forcing out her unbelievable truth, or visibly crying while Percy pours his heart out to her about being broken, Walker and Krull are fantastic together, even in an exposition-heavy scene like this. 

I’m going to gloss over the drive and the Minotaur fight scene, because otherwise I’d just be repeating stuff I’ve already said, namely that Aryan and Krull are great actors, and the CGI is pretty ugly. Instead, I’ll just briefly touch on the fight–very well directed, and I appreciated that they were able to have both the visual of the sword with all its associated gravitas, and also the more visceral stabbing from the book–and point out that we end where we begin, in a hazy, dreamlike state, with the mysterious, shadowed figures of Chiron and the gang welcoming him to camp. 

This series feels different than a lot of TV. It definitely has a more cinematic feel, and the tone is much, much less jokey than I had feared. The books have a lot of humor to them, but ironically, the show leaning into the more “magical realism” which Riordan almost studiously avoids in the books helps to keep it balanced and un-cartoonish. Visually, I think the lighting is really emotionally effective, but only for the daytime, and suffers from the same “can’t light night”-ism that plagues modern television. Compare in particular Percy before and after Grover, Percy with his mother at the Met, and then the three of them running from the Minotaur at night. 

All in all, a really solid premiere. A little exposition-heavy, which is unfortunately something that carries over into the next one, but when it’s delivered with some excellent performances, it’s easy to overlook. 

Stray thoughts:

I need more Mythomagic. I need more Mythomagic

The marble statues are pretty ugly imo, but that might just be because I am currently spoiled for marble statues in my day-to-day

Percy and Grover swap sandwich fillings 🥺 Percy takes Grover’s lunchmeat

Sally bullfighting with Percy’s red coat… so good

Thalia’s tree with lightning crashing overhead!

Hopefully I can get the next review up tomorrow? And I’ll talk more about Walker in that one, along with some other thoughts on costume, set design, and other more technical stuff

[alexwatchesshows]

Black Sails VI (S1E6)

Spoilers for up to and including E6.

Today on: why everyone should really listen to Gates.

Billy had questions. They were the right questions to ask, and he had every right to ask them, but he was asking them at the wrong time. Gates kept saying this and he wasn't wrong. It was too late to change their course of action, and Billy would only make things more complicated. As far as the audience are concerned, we know that Flint doesn't know anything about the letter, so there's no immediate concern, but Billy's concern doesn't seem irrational, but Gates has been the voice of reason throughout the show so far, and when he speaks, we listen. It's good to see Billy gaining the confidence to stand up to Flint and start to come into his own as a leader, but, as I keep saying, he's not the captain, he's the quartermaster, and in their situation, the best thing not just for him and Flint, but for the survival of the crew, is to keep them all on one side so they can win the battle. Gates clearly knows this, which is why he takes over when Logan is arguing.

I don't have much to say about the battle itself, but the slaves bring a whole new perspective to piracy and Nassau. So far, Nassau has been presented as a place of freedom and personal liberty, free from the oppression of the various empires, but, given what we know of Mr Scott, we can't really argue with him when he says "(slaves) are cargo, in Nassau or otherwise". The pirates are not morally pure just because they resist empire, and I'm glad we're adding this level of complexity to the discussions around empire in this show. Also it breaks my heart to see Mr Scott doing everything he can to protect Eleanor while she thinks he betrayed her.

Meanwhile, all is not well on Nassau. Eleanor needs to lift the ban on Vane, which she does do (because she doesn't really have a choice), while the captains resent her for not doing it sooner because nobody seems to have a problem with what's happening to Max. I've said it before, but it's absolutely worth noting that the only characters who actually care about Max's wellbeing are the women. Anne's still watching over her, but can't do much by herself. Whether E's reluctance to lift the ban on Vane is out of pride or empathy for Max (I'd guess a combination of the two), the fact that she has to do it to hold Nassau intact doesn't make it easier for her as, even when she does do it, she doesn't say anything, just nods. Honestly, as I've said before, I really don't like this plotline and one of the reasons for this is how much screentime we get of people arguing that Max should be kept in the horrible situation that she's in. I understand the complexity of the situation and how the complications around it do fit into the general vibes and themes of the show, I just personally really struggle with it I guess.

The conflict between Jack and Anne over Max continues. Jack is just oblivious to why this is bothering Anne and probably how and why this is affecting her so much. He, like most of the men, is struggling to see Max as anything other than "the whore", where Anne sees her as a woman in a rough situation who's suffering. Anne and Jack should probably communicate more, but going to Eleanor was actually a pretty smart move. It's also nice to see someone hating Eleanor for a reason that isn't her being a woman (I mean, I know the other pirates have other reasons, but a lot of the time it does come back to that). Anne basically accused Eleanor of being a pirate nepo baby and was actually kinda right, but they're still each other's best options and, between the two of them, they provide a refreshing view of the whole situation. Anne basically toasts Max for telling Eleanor to fuck off, and is honestly right when she says that the male pirates would have done so too and that "if she had a cock we probably would have", because, again, a lot of people just seem to hate Max purely because she's a woman who tried to bring herself even close to their level and, in Nassau, just like everywhere else, there's a level of pervasive violent misogyny that goes beyond whatever laws there are, just like how Mr Scott tells the slaves that they won't be better off there either. Even though neither of them likes each other, Eleanor and Anne come up with a very effective plan and talk Silver into joining them.

Jack's redeeming quality in all this is that, however outraged he is, he still goes along with Anne. Sure, he complains, but Anne's right when she tells him he's had his say, and his decision to keep things as they are isn't working very well, nor is it the right decision morally. Also Anne seems to know more about what's going on with Vane than Jack does. I'm not sure why, but that sheds an interesting light on the dynamic between the three of them.

Speaking of Vane, he's clearly about to go through some shit. Not sure what yet, but the scary man from his hallucinations is sitting by a fire in the middle of nowhere, which is never a good sign really.

The last of the Jack/Anne/Max situation that we see is Anne dropping Max off back at the brothel. Max thanks Anne, as you would, and Anne responds with "I didn't do it for you" which is... confusing. As always, I've got a number of possible interpretations of this: a) Anne genuinely did it for some bigger reason (to stop conflict between E and the pirates? something like that) b) Anne did it because she couldn't stand feeling guilty c) she absolutely did do it for Max and doesn't want her to know that because,,, reasons d) a secret fourth option. Unfortunately, Anne isn't the most emotionally communicative character so we'll probably never fully know.

We also get more Miranda/Flint backstory/insight. Pastor Lambrick just kind of turns up at Miranda's house in the middle of the night which is... strange, and she calls him out on it. Whether he's genuinely completely clueless or just not good at lying on the spot, Lambrick really does spout some absolute bullshit about Flint killing Miranda. We've seen Flint do a lot of fucked up shit so far, but it's already clear that that's probably the one thing he'd never do. I'm pretty sure I've said this before, but Lambrick has a very black and white view of the world, and honestly I don't think anyone can convince him that the pirates aren't all absolutely evil. In exchange for Lambrick's weird excuses, Miranda actually gives us some really interesting insight into her old life with Thomas. We've heard Richard Guthrie's gossipy, third-hand version of it, but this is possibly the first time we've heard much from Miranda herself. She talks of how her and Thomas' house used to be a place of discussion and intellectual insight, which only makes her exile to Nassau more tragic (and also explains why she's been seeking these verbal spars with Lambrick and R Guthrie). She describes Thomas as "a man of ideas" who wanted to "see the yoke of shame lifted from (people's) shoulders" which is honestly a beautiful description that creates such a clear image of who this man we've never met was. It also suggests that maybe RG's version of events wasn't exactly what happened, as Miranda very clearly loved Thomas. Then after that very emotional moment we get more awful heterosexual sex. Yay.

To end the show we get some lovely pain. Flint does actually leave (some of) the guns so they can escape, so he's not necessarily fully down the path of obsession. We never actually see the moment Billy falls into the ocean, in typical Black Sails style, which means we can never know what happened. Again, there are a number of possibilities in terms of what happened: a) Flint pushed Billy in (i.e. Flint is fully responsible for Billy's death) b) Billy was already falling and Flint could have stopped him but didn't or c) Flint genuinely did all he could to stop Billy from dying but couldn't stop him. At this point, I'm not sure whether I can fully believe that Flint would go so far as to just push Billy in, but he's clearly becoming obsessed, even if he isn't that far yet. Flint going to tell Gates himself that Billy has died killed me, but I'm mad that he didn't let Gates drop the sword himself in the sea burial. Honestly, I'm just sad for Gates. Pain. Pain everywhere.

[somfte]

.

[storiesforallfandoms]

how they react when you walk in covered in blood and carrying a gun ~ mcu

request?: no

warnings: swearing, mentions of guns and violence

masterlist (one, two)

*only using the og six plus bucky, wanda and loki because there’s way too many marvel characters rn; also based off of a tiktok by anniedvorak!*

BRUCE BANNER/HULK:

The last person you expected to see when you entered Thor’s room on Sakaar with the intentions of saving him was your boyfriend, Bruce. He had been lost for so long, you had let your heart let go of him. But there he was, stood with a cloth wrapped around his waist after having turned back from the Hulk.

You were tempted to walk back out. This wasn’t exactly how you wanted Bruce to see you - an alien gun in hand and blood splattered over your face and clothes. But it was too late, he was already looking at you with wide eyes.

“(Y/N),” he said, turning to approach you but stopping halfway. You weren’t sure if he had stopped because of the blood or because he was still technically naked. “What are you...what did you...?”

“I’m trying to save Thor,” you responded. “Listen, we don’t have much time. I can explain everything once all of us are off of this planet. Put some pants on, we’re getting out of here.”

~~~~~~

BUCKY BARNES/THE WINTER SOLDIER:

You walked in after a surprise run in with the Flag Smashers. Bucky already looked about ready to kill someone, but when you walked through the door of Zemo’s apartment, blood covering your face and your gun clutched tightly in your hand, his face turned red with anger.

“What the hell happened to you?” Sam asked.

“Flag Smashers,” you breathed in response.

“I’m gonna fucking kill them,” Bucky hissed, abandoning his drink on the counter and making his way to the door.

You put a hand up to stop him. “I think that ship has sailed. This isn’t all my blood.”

Bucky cupped your face in his hands, his face softening as he looked at you. “Are you okay?”

“I’m fine,” you insisted. “I just need a shower, and maybe a visit to a hospital or something. They hit me pretty hard, I think I have some bruised ribs or something.”

He kissed your forehead and took your gun from your still shaking hands. Once it was safely put aside, he brought you into the bathroom to help you bathe and to start dressing your wounds.

~~~~~~

CLINT BARTON/HAWEYE:

You were extremely lucky that Clint worked with someone like Natasha regularly, or else he would’ve been much more concerned when you arrived home from work covered in blood and still carrying you gun. He barley looked up from the TV as you walked through the door, immediately racing for your bedroom so you could shower and change.

“Hard day at work?” he called as you passed by.

“That last target they sent me after put up a hell of a fight,” you responded. “By the time I finally got him, I realized how late it was and rushed home immediately. I’m glad S.H.I.E.L.D issues those SUVs with the tinted windows or else I definitely would’ve been pulled over for suspicious activity.”

Clint chuckled and rose from his seat. He walked into your shared bedroom as you were pulling off you bloodstained clothes and throwing them into a pile to be tossed out eventually. His eyes raked over your body as you looked up at him.

“Red looks good on you,” he said, a teasing smirk pulling at his lips.

“That’s gross,” you teased. “You’re gross. Just for that, you can’t shower with me.”

He groaned as you walked into the bathroom and locked the door before he could follow you in. 

~~~~~~

LOKI:

The sly smirk on Loki’s face was enough to almost rid you of the annoyance you felt after what you just had to do. Almost.

You walked up to the panel that controlled his glass cage. You could’ve easily figured out how to deal with it, but instead you shot the control panel. Sparks flew from it before Loki’s prison sprung open.

“Seems like a bit of overkill,” he commented.

“Shut it,” you hissed. “You told me it was going to be easy to break you out. You failed to mention the entire team of guards that were watching this room, and, oh yeah, the team of super humans that were assembled to face you?!”

Loki walked free of his cage, taking a dramatic deep breath before smiling to himself. “Well, doesn’t seem like you had an issue with them, as I knew you wouldn’t.”

He approached you, arms out as if he were going to hug you and try to kiss you. You poked his stomach with the barrel of your gun, glaring up at him.

“Come one step closer and we see how much damage a mortal weapon can do to a God.”

Loki put his hands on your shoulders, keeping you a fair distance away to heed your warning. “I’m sorry for not giving you a proper warning. Thank you for freeing me, I do appreciate it.”

You allowed yourself to relax against his touch and smiled a little. “You’re welcome.”

“Now, let’s get out of here, shall we?”

“You’re doing all the work this time.”

~~~~~~

NATASHA ROMANOFF/BLACK WIDOW:

It probably wasn’t a good idea, but you didn’t know where else to go. Natasha had always warned you about the Red Room, and you were so stupid to not listen to her.

Now you were stood on her doorstep, covered in blood that wasn’t yours, your gun dangling from your hand as you wished to drop it but also too scared to let it go. It was what Natasha looked at first when she opened the door - the gun, then to your blood covered face.

“Put the gun down,” she said, her voice calmer than you expected.

You gratefully allowed her to take it from your hand as you felt tears starting to well in your eyes. She pulled you in for a hug, where you started to sob on her shoulder. She took a quick look around to make sure you weren’t followed before bringing you into her house.

“Go get cleaned up,” she told you. “We’ll figure out your next step together.”

~~~~~~

STEVE ROGERS/CAPTAIN AMERICA:

You showed up to Sam’s shortly after Steve had brought Natasha. You could barley keep yourself up, the fight had taken everything out of you. You were sure Sam was going to turn you away - you were a stranger showing up on his doorstep covered in blood with a gun in your hand. You were pleasantly shocked when he stepped aside and told you where to find Steve.

Poor Steve. He was already trying to help Natasha, who had been in the same situation as you just with a lot less blood. She was resting when you walked in, dazed and just wanting to also rest.

He was up in seconds, reaching out to wrap you in his arms despite the blood covering you.

“The Winter Soldier is one mean fucker,” you breathed, resting your head against Steve’s chest. “I think he finally got wore out and ran off. Unfortunately, I was wore out about an hour before he was, but I kept going.”

“You should’ve given up long ago, honey,” he said.

“I’m not a pussy,” you said with a slight laugh. “Although I am starting to succumb to the pain.”

He picked you up into his arms and carried you to the bathroom where he helped you to rinse the blood off of your body so you could finally rest.

~~~~~~

THOR:

It was a side of you that Thor had never seen before. He had lost you during the battle in Sokovia and was expecting the worst when he couldn’t get you over the coms. When you showed back up to jet, blood covering your tired looking face, he was overjoyed to see you were alright, but also a little shocked by your appearance.

“Those fuckers really thought they had me,” you said, a half laugh bubbling on your lips. “They were a little shocked when I got the upper hand on them. Even more shocked when I shot them dead.”

“I was worried for you, (Y/N),” Thor said, cupping your face in his hands as he approached you. “I truly thought they had taken you from me.”

You smirked up at him. “You really have no faith in me at all them, do you? Or you just underestimate me. I’m a little offended on both accounts, though.”

Thor smiled back at you. “Of course, I would never doubt you. Just a bit of fear is all.”

“When you two are done being gross,” came Tony’s voice from inside the jet, “we’d like to get back to the tower. I think (Y/N) needs a shower and a fresh change of clothes more than anything.”

~~~~~~

TONY STARK/IRON MAN:

“Miss (Y/L/N) incoming Mr. Stark.”

“Tell her to come back at another time, J.A.R.V.I.S, I’m busy right now.”

“I don’t think it can wait, sir.”

Tony looked up to see you walking through the door to his lab, your body trembling as you clutched the gun tightly in your hand. There was a splatter of blood over your shirt and some on your face. You looked up at him, looking like a helpless child.

He quickly walked over to you, his hand automatically reaching for the gun. You gladly let him take it, feeling like a weight had been lifted the moment the weapon was out of your hands.

“What happened?” he asked.

“I-I was attacked at-at home,” you stuttered. “I don’t know how they got in, I don’t know who they were. I walked into my house and was blindsided by these two men trying to attack me. I got the gun out of the hands of one of them and I...I...”

Your hands moved to mimic the action of shooting your attackers, but you couldn’t actually bring yourself to say you had done it. You didn’t want to admit to having shot anyone, even if it was in self defense.

Tony placed the gun aside and took you into his arms. You stopped fighting against the lump that had formed in your throat and began to sob into his chest. He ran a hand through your hair, calming you down.

“It’s okay,” he said, soothingly. “It’s alright. I got you now. I won’t let anyone else try to hurt you.”

~~~~~~

WANDA MAXIMOFF/SCARLETT WITCH:

You didn’t think of Tommy and Billy. You didn’t think about the perfect neighborhood Wanda had created. You didn’t even think about Vision, or the version of Vision she had created. Your only thoughts were getting to Wanda before Hayward and his people could.

She was horrified when she opened the door. Of course she was; you were stood at her doorstep, a ghost from the life she wanted to forget, holding a gun with blood splattered on your face.

“You have to get out of here,” you said before she could speak. “You have to break down that boarder and you need to get out of here now.”

“I don’t know what you’re talking about,” she said, her voice still in its sitcom mode. “Please leave before I call the police.”

You grabbed hold of her shoulders before she could walk away, startling her.

“Wanda, you have to listen to me. You know what’s happening here because you are controlling it all. I know that, everyone outside the Hex knows that. Including the S.W.O.R.D director Hayward, who is trying to break through your barrier right now to kill you. I know you don’t want to lose this perfect life you’ve made, but your are in real danger. You need to get out of here.”

It seemed like she was understanding. A hurt look passed over her face as she turned to look into the house where her perfect family was likely residing. She took a deep breath and turned back to you.

“Let’s go.”

[hakasims]

The Most Important Review of Every Single Marwan Kenzari Film

If you’ve seen this one about Luca, you know the drill.

Now, Marwan’s brand is a little less defined than Luca’s but I managed to find similar tropes in a lot of his films. Also, rather than copy myself and give you a redundant Marwanmeter, I decided instead to recommend which Luca character best pairs with each Marwan character for your crossover pleasure. Let’s see if we ship the same things! Some of them are crack. You’re welcome.

(all gifs again by the awesomely amazing @weardes​ who did not ask to be my gif factory but life’s a bitch)

Het zusje van Katia (2008)

Will you miss him if you blink? Kinda. They talk about him a lot but his actual screen time is like 43.7 seconds. Also can I just say... he’s supposed to be from Italy?? The boy says literally one (1) Italian word, and you’ll never guess what it is. (Obviously, it’s “bella” like there’s a chance he could’ve said anything else.)

Is he hot? Painfully hot.

Is he naked? There’s this one scene where he’s wearing the sluttiest pair of speedos I’ve ever seen in my entire life.

Does his hair look great? Actually, yes. Perfect hair, perfect beard, he looks amazing.

Does he fuck? Yes, a lot - off screen, including an M/M/F threesome he presumably, probably, most definitely initiated.

Best paired with? From what I’ve gathered, this hoe ain’t loyal, so the best course of action is to find him a Luca that would benefit from a one night stand with no strings attached and wouldn’t fall in love with him. The obvious choice here is Valerio from Slam - Tutto per una ragazza. They meet, they fuck, then Giac makes his 4-hour drive back to Pisa, and they don’t see each other again until the next time he’s in Rome. Everybody’s happy, especially the two sluts in question.

De laatste dagen van Emma Blank (2009)

Will you miss him if you blink? Yes, absolutely.

Is he hot? Very.

Is he naked? Almost constantly.

Does his hair look great? He’s got those cute short curls, he looks so good.

Does he fuck? That’s literally why he’s there: to fuck and to die.

Best paired with? Man, I wish I had something to work with here. The only thing we know about him besides his sexual prowess is his affinity for white suits and toy helicopters. And as far as I know, those might be the exact things Fabrizio from Nina finds hot in guys. So like, why not?

Loft (2010)

Will you miss him if you blink? He’s the fifth most important character.

Is he hot? Yeah, sure.

Is he naked? There’s a scene where he’s wearing underwear and a tank top but it somehow makes him look like a kindergartener.

Does his hair look great? It looks quite nice.

Does he fuck? Yes, though I wish he didn’t.

Best paired with? Tom is a very violent person and a drug addict. He does messed up stuff to his sexual partners I’d rather he didn’t do to any of Luca’s characters. Feel free to use him for your sadistic fantasies or as a villain or whatever.

Rabat (2011)

Will you miss him if you blink? No, he’s one of the three leads.

Is he hot? Oh yes! And cute!

Is he naked? He’s at the beach wearing nothing but boxer shorts.

Does his hair look great? He’s got this extreme undercut thing that would look ridiculous on anyone less pretty, so like no, he doesn’t have great hair, but also like it’s Marwan, you know what I mean?

Does he fuck? Before he embarks on a road trip with his friends, he has an offscreen threesome with two girls he picked up at a wedding. Slut.

Best paired with? Gabriele from Waves. They’re both sweet guys who could meet in some Tunisian port and decide to sail the Mediterranean Sea together.

Black Out (2012)

Will you miss him if you blink? Not unless your blinking is very deliberate.

Is he hot? Not really. He’s a dirty cop with a shitty moustache and oral fixation.

Is he naked? No, but I wish he was: his clothes are awful. Marwan is 29 in this movie and he looks 50!

Does his hair look great? Nope. They took Marwan’s usual short hair and made it not work somehow.

Does he fuck? No.

Best paired with? The one thing Luca’s characters all have in common is that none of them come off as bootlickers. All of them are either too soft for such a relationship or wouldn’t waste their spit on a cop.

Wolf (2013)

Will you miss him if you blink? No, he’s the protagonist.

Is he hot? *gestures wildly at the gif*

Is he naked? He’s got quite a few shirtless scenes.

Does his hair look great? It’s nothing special but suits his character well.

Does he fuck? Oh yes.

Best paired with? Hear me out. I know that some people ship him with Fabio, but in my opinion that pair, while hot, doesn’t work. Here’s my pitch: Cesare from Non essere cattivo. The drug connection is still there, but in this case Majid’s problem-solving skills won’t fall on deaf ears. Cesare needs a daddy, ok? Majid can be a daddy when he needs to, especially when he has a soft boyfriend to care for. And Majid needs soft, not psycho.

Hartenstraat (2014)

Will you miss him if you blink? No, he’s the protagonist once again.

Is he hot? Painfully.

Is he naked? There’s that iconic scene where he’s wearing nothing but black boxer briefs and boots while carrying a tray...

Does his hair look great? He’s got Joe-like curls and looks like what every male romantic lead should aspire to look like and then cry because they all fail.

Does he fuck? There’s one very unfortunate sex scene played for laughs. I’m pretty sure he’ll need therapy afterwards. I certainly do.

Best paired with? Paolo from Il padre d’Italia. Paolo deserves the best boyfriend, and who’s better than Daan, an extremely hot man who cooks? They both have daughters, so they can talk about that, I guess, and Paolo can finally have a family. Honestly, this is so wholesome I just made myself cry.

Lucia de B. (2014)

Will you miss him if you blink? For sure.

Is he hot? He’s a cop. Again. But he looks good.

Is he naked? Fully dressed, but man are his clothes ugly. Is that a cop thing?

Does his hair look great? He has slightly longer curls, which is fine and the best thing about this character.

Does he fuck? ACAB. (I know this doesn’t answer the question, I just wanted to make it clear.)

Best paired with? See my bootlicker comment from earlier. While Detective *checks notes* Ron Leeflang isn’t explicitly corrupt, he’s obviously a dick, so the best I can do here is recommend any Luca character that has ever been in trouble with the law for any fics about power imbalance you want to write but aren’t comfortable with a nice Marwan playing the villain.

Bloedlink (2014)

Will you miss him if you blink? Oh no, he’s there the entire time.

Is he hot? In a weird way, yes.

Is he naked? So, so, so naked. Like, leave nothing to the imagination naked.

Does his hair look great? I’d say that little rat tail is the exact opposite of great.

Does he fuck? Probably more than is good for him. I should also add that he’s canonically queer in this.

Best paired with? Rico is a pathetic loser in need of someone who’s got his life together and has a lot of experience dealing with fuckups. Enter Loris from Il mondo fino in fondo. He has a stable job and a savior complex, and with his little bro gaying it up in Chile and not needing him anymore, all he wants right now is someone to fix. I should be a fucking matchmaker in real life, for real.

Pak van mijn hart (2014)

Will you miss him if you blink? Undoubtedly.

Is he hot? No. The whole point of his character is to be the lesser choice compared to a guy who looks like a completely ordinary bland white dude...

Is he naked? ...so of course he isn’t naked! What, are they gonna take this poor woman, show her Marwan Kenzari’s post-Wolf body and expect her to choose her deeply mediocre ex? Please! They’re gonna dress him in the dorkiest clothes possible...

Does his hair look great? ...and make him wear the most awful wig that was clearly run over by a truck.

Does he fuck? No. As you can observe, they tried really hard to make him unfuckable, but honestly, he seems like a perfectly nice guy.

Best paired with? You know what? Mattia from La solitudine dei numeri primi is in desperate need of some sweetness and normalcy. I’m sure Richard will treat him with kindness and respect.

Collide (2016)

Will you miss him if you blink? He’s the fifth most important character. Out of five.

Is he hot? Very hot.

Is he naked? Not for a second! What’s up with American movies where people aren’t just casually walking around naked without any plot necessity???

Does his hair look great? His curls are so cute you guys! Look at them!

Does he fuck? Not explicitly.

Best paired with? Fabio from Lo chiamavano Jeeg Robot. Again, the drug connection is there, but Matthias is soft enough not to butt heads with Fabio and, by the end of the movie, rich enough to satisfy his cravings for good living and fame. Also look at how good their color coordination is with those dark wine red clothes! Sometimes planets just align, okay?

Ben-Hur (2016)

Will you miss him if you blink? Yes, especially if you aren’t watching the background.

Is he hot? Your usual Marwan hot.

Is he naked? No.

Does his hair look great? His typical short curls with a twist. I think the forehead area is supposed to invoke the Caesar cut? I don’t know. It looks fine when not hidden under that dumb helmet.

Does he fuck? No.

Best paired with? A better script and a much better director. (Seriously, what is this blocking?)

The Promise (2016)

Will you miss him if you blink? He’s there a decent amount in the first half of the movie and then almost completely disappears in the second half.

Is he hot? Very much, yes.

Is he naked? Unfortunately, no.

Does his hair look great? He’s got short curls again, but this time they’re fashionably styled, it’s magnificent.

Does he fuck? Oh yeah! And there’s no way he isn’t bi or pan in this. No way.

Best paired with? Roberta from L’ultimo terrestre. Listen, Emre Ogan may be a slut but he’s a gentleman, okay? He’d treat Roberta right and he’s got daddy’s cash to spare on hundreds of gorgeous white dresses for her.

The Mummy (2017)

Will you miss him if you blink? He’s there, but barely.

Is he hot? Dangerously hot.

Is he naked? Not once! Instead we get a naked Tom Cruise literally no one asked for.

Does his hair look great? It’s your basic professional short hairdo.

Does he fuck? No.

Best paired with? Malik is a member of an organization tracking and destroying various monsters and historical artefacts related to them. Guido from Tutti i santi giorni speaks four languages, including Latin, and is a literature and ancient history nerd which makes him a valuable asset. Malik can fight and protect; Guido is bumbling and in need of saving. Guys, this writes itself.

What Happened to Monday (2017)

Will you miss him if you blink? No, especially not in the third act.

Is he hot? He’s okay.

Is he naked? Very naked.

Does his hair look great? They shouldn’t have greased his curls back. He looks like another victim of Fabio Cannizzaro’s stylist. Also I wish he’d either shaved or finished growing out that beard.

Does he fuck? He fucks and he fucks good. He’ll go down on you, he’ll deflower you slowly and gently, he’ll choke you if you want him to, he’ll spoon you all night, he’ll give you emotional support, he’ll murder people for you - he’s down for whatever.

Best paired with? There’s one Luca character who needs a lot of sex and even more emotional support. Alright, most of them do, but I’m thinking of Ettore from Lasciate andare. He needs it, okay? Good dicking, good spooning, a good ear, a fine piece of ass to cry into - you get the gist. Most importantly: someone who’d love him for who he is and with whom he could relax and be himself. (Also, I see you, people comparing him to Fabio. Shame on you for sleeping on this soft boy and judging him based on his appearance.)

Murder on the Orient Express (2017)

Will you miss him if you blink? He’s kinda always present, being very French.

Is he hot? Very hot.

Is he naked? No, but I’m willing to forgive that because he looks so good in his conductor uniform.

Does his hair look great? He never takes off his hat.

Does he fuck? No.

Best paired with? Mickey Miranda. They’re both murderers morally dubious characters who would look hot together. What else do you need? (Again, I see you, people who want Pierre for Roberta because he’s a “nice guy”, and I know for a fact you didn’t watch the movie. Spoilers, I guess.)

The Angel (2018)

Will you miss him if you blink? No, he’s the protagonist.

Is he hot? Oh yes.

Is he naked? Not once, but you won’t regret it because he’s wearing excellently stylish 1970s clothes.

Does his hair look great? It looks fantastic. The sideburns (not yet seen here) are a good touch.

Does he fuck? He can definitely get it, but he’s loyal to his wife.

Best paired with? As the most aesthetically coherent and fashionably hot pair in this post, Ashraf and Primo are a no-brainer. Can you imagine Primo calling him “Angel” in different contexts? When he’s being intimidating, not realizing how palpable the sexual tension between them is, and later not even hiding his arousal? Sometimes things just work because they’re hot. That’s all, folks.

Aladdin (2019)

Will you miss him if you blink? No, he’s the main villain.

Is he hot? It’s not like he went viral for being the “hot Jafar” or anything.

Is he naked? No! Fucking thanks a lot, Disney.

Does his hair look great? He has a buzz cut under that turban but he looks good in the turban, so that’s something.

Does he fuck? It’s a Disney movie, so he doesn’t fuck - explicitly or otherwise - but he still comes off as a thirsty bitch.

Best paired with? Jafar ends the movie as a genie who’s obligated to grant his master three wishes but is enough of a petty bitch to exploit the hell out of the “gray area” and screw them over Wishmaster style. My unconventional pair for him is Lui from Ricordi? So many scenarios with distorted memories and magic-induced mindfuck. So many possibilities for awesome and messed up crossover gifsets! Don’t say I never give you guys anything.

Instinct (2019)

Will you miss him if you blink? No, he’s very prominent.

Is he hot? I hate myself for finding him hot but I do.

Is he naked? He’s playing basketball shirtless in one scene, shaking his sweaty boobs everywhere.

Does his hair look great? His weird mohawk-like thing is honestly terrible, but if anything can make it work, it’s Marwan’s bone structure.

Does he fuck? Um, I’m pleading the Fifth on this one for the sake of good taste.

Best paired with? Prison. A very lonely, Luca-less prison.

The Old Guard (2020)

Will you miss him if you blink? No, unless blinking in your case means sleeping through the gloriousness that is the first ever canonically gay couple in an American action film.

Is he hot? Painfully.

Is he naked? Shirtless in one scene.

Does his hair look great? Soft curls courtesy of Luca Marinelli’s tireless lobbying.

Does he fuck? Not on screen, but you can just tell by the way he looks at his husband and reads impromptu poetry right to his face. And everybody knows nothing kindles the fires of passion quite like murdering homophobes together.

Best paired with? If you have to ask, you’re clearly reading this by mistake. In which case, kudos for finishing such a long and confusing post, now go watch The Old Guard and cry at the beauty that is The Immortal Marriage.

[holykillercake]

Coin Stealer

Trafalgar Law x psychic!Reader

word count: 3.3k

summary: Law does not believe that you can see dead people, so you crochet him the strange-looking beanie of the strange-looking man that walks around the Polar Tang. 

highlight: ¨I´ll give a chance to the uniform, and I´ll only address you as Captain when you behave as Captain.¨

warning: You are entering Trafalgar´s room. 

notes: Bello, ma people! This is the 3/3 part of a lovely anon request in which the s/o makes them a thing with crochet! This time is Dr. Heart Stealer edition!! I really enjoyed writing this, and it got a little long, but I did not want to cut off important things. Anyway, I hope you like it!

𝐋𝐞𝐚𝐯𝐞 𝐜𝐨𝐦𝐦𝐞𝐧𝐭𝐬, 𝐫𝐞𝐛𝐥𝐨𝐠𝐬, 𝐚𝐧𝐝 𝐥𝐨𝐯𝐞!

¨Hey, Bepo! Have you seen Law?¨

¨Y/N! I don´t know where he is... I´m sorry.¨

¨Oh, it´s ok!¨ you patted the mink´s shoulder, giving him a warm smile. 

You were never a big fan of his constant apologetic personality, but you couldn´t deny that you missed it during your time apart from the crew. 

The Heart Pirates had parted ways a long time ago when your Captain decided that the time to put his life-long plan in action had finally come. The crew split into three parts, and each one followed a different path. 

After the sudden disappearance of the Strawhats, the Paramount War, the Rocky Port Incident, and Law obtaining his title as a Warlord of the Sea, you were the first to depart, remaining in Sabaody Archipelago, waiting for the owners of the Thousand Sunny to return. You fought alongside a fishman called Hacchin, a weird guy that reminded you of Black Leg and other allies to protect the ship. 

Next to leave was Law, who sailed to Punk Hazard, where he formed a partnership with a crazy scientist bastard. Then the rest of the crew went on their own towards the island where you would meet once the plan was concluded.

The trajectory was not smooth by any means, but you did it, all of you. And now you feasted along with the Strawhats, celebrating whatever it was that you did not understand. Maybe they were like that, or maybe they didn't understand the risks you would take from now on. 

Anyway, the crew seemed to be in need of some music and fun, and you were too busy looking for your Captain to care about that.

In the midst of the evening breeze, the crackling of the fire, and the barrels of beer crashing in celebration, you saw the answer you were looking for.

Of course.

¨If I didn´t love you...¨ you growled as you made your way out of the island to reach the Polar Tang. And let´s face it, that was a detour.

You went straight to your room, where Law would probably be sipping coffee, napping, or just running from the crowds. And just like you, it has been months since he stepped on his own ship and slept in his own bed. 

So maybe you could cut him some slack. 

However, as you approached the room, there was no smell of coffee. No smell of coffee and no light snoring. Just a stillness carried with heavy emotions and your boyfriend, sitting in the dim light holding tight the crochet piece you gave him years ago. You swayed in place, expecting that thing you made to provoke him to be at the sea bottom.

¨Wondering why I kept this?¨ he asked. 

¨Not really.¨ you replied. ¨But I am surprised. Am I disturbing?¨

¨You never do.¨

You jumped on the bed, sitting beside him and resting your head on his shoulder.

¨YN-ya... do you know how he...¨ the question struggled to come out.

¨Peaceful.¨ 

¨Hm.¨ he nodded.

¨I don´t like when he smiles, though. It creeps me out.¨ His body bounced slightly as he joined you in a chuckle. 

¨Remember when you gave me this?¨

¨Of course, you almost kicked me out of the ship!¨ you giggled with the memory.

¨You were really annoying back then.¨

¨Hey! Objection!¨

¨Objection rebuffed.¨ he smirked and moved on the bed, pulling you to lay down on his chest.

You told him to shut up before cuddling in, not falling asleep immediately. None of you said much. Instead, you enjoyed the calming and comfortable silence of each other´s company. 

It has been a while since you had that. 

You remember every moment of your early days as a Heart Pirate. You and Law hadn´t started on the best terms, but he needed you - well, your skills - and you were given a good deal. 

The pivot of your history together began on a chain of coincidences. The first one being both of you docking on the same island. The second one was him finding a rare coin for his collection, the same one you would later slip into your pocket. 

You wandered around towns using the beautiful art of distraction to get anything you wanted from anyone. Watches, necklaces, wallets, and, well, coins? It was all he had in his pocket, and since it was a cute one, you decided to keep it. 

Some called you a thief. Some called you a burglar, and some may even have called you a big son of a bitch. But the thing they all had in common was that none of them knew exactly who they were calling those names. 

The thing is, you messed up the first rule and made eye contact with him. Well, it was more of you not being able to take your eyes off of him. He stood out in the crowd, and you had gotten cocky. So when he later found out about the missing coin, it did not take him long to connect you to it. 

A lot of things went through his mind. He felt frustrated because his Haki failed him, annoyed for the trouble he would have going after you, and intrigued by the touch so light he did not feel at all. 

Or that is what he kept telling himself. 

Yes, he was interested in someone with skills like yours, but maybe there was something else he would not admit. The way you looked at him as if you had deciphered his entire life and found the missing pieces of his puzzle. Even the ones he tried to hide. 

That night he went out for your head. Or better, your heart, literally. 

You were enjoying the comfort of your hotel room, eating some snacks, and playing with your new commemorative coin when he materialized himself by the bed. You instantly knew something was about to go down.

Oh, fuck.

That situation got pretty tense pretty quickly, both ends asking things, and no one willing to offer any answers. The stakes were high, glares cutting the air like blades. It did not help to ease the mood when in the sway of his hand your heart popped out of your chest. 

Long story short, his plan was never to drag you to the Polar Tang. Law wanted you to go willingly, joining his crew in exchange for your heart. However, the unfortunate variable he did not consider in the equation was that you would not go down without a fight. So by the time he reached the ship, he noticed the gentle fresh breeze ruffling his hair. 

You know, since his hair was usually covered by the hat. 

...

THE FREAKING HAT!

The next morning when he returned, you were waiting for him with a satisfied smirk bending your lips, the hat on your head, and the coin dancing between your fingers. 

At some point, you had stolen it, and once again, it passed unnoticed by him. That was not a good night for the Heart Pirates. And that was also the night Trafalgar Law realized a couple of things. The first, he needed you on his crew. And the second, you were going to be the death of him. Or maybe the aneurysm of him, he would not give you such credit. 

¨You´re late.¨ you said, amused, and his grip tightened around the sword.

¨What´s your name?¨ he repeated the question you dodged several times during your last encounter. 

¨What´s with the dog?¨ you pointed at the tall, white polar bear wearing a uniform. Law pursued his lips, breathing heavily through the nose.  

¨I am B-¨

¨Bepo-ya don´t talk to he-¨

¨Your name is Bepoya?¨ you ignored the man, bumping into his shoulder as you walked towards the mink ¨Hi, I´m Y/N! Nice meeting you.¨  

The polar bear looked back and forth at you and his Captain, not knowing how to behave in this situation, so he apologized and stepped farther back. 

¨Alrighty, now that we are all introduced, shall we go?¨ 

¨What?¨

¨Come on, Law, focus.¨ you snapped your fingers multiple times, teasing him. ¨You came here to pick me up, right?¨

¨No. I want my hat back.¨ He tried to grab it, but you ducked in time, holding the hat on your head with both hands. It was so soft. 

¨How about a trade? The coin for the hat.¨

¨How about my hat for your heart? Do this, and I won´t...¨ his words died in his mouth as he clutched his pockets. 

¨Looking for this?¨ You held your heart, wrapped in a cold and gelatinous box that you retrieved when you bumped into him minutes earlier.

How could you fool him again? He kept seeking answers that explained why it was so easy for you to outwit him, and his expression showed. 

¨You´re getting close, Law. Put your little trash can to work.¨ you tapped your temple, smiling mischievously at him. 

¨YN-ya, you know I can kill you, right?¨

¨Yeah, but you won´t.¨

¨How do you know?¨

¨I got a sixth sense for these things.¨ 

The rest of the conversation did not take long to come to an end. Amid sarcastic comments and threats to each other's lives, what should have been the pinnacle of the moment became a random passage in the Heart Pirates´ logbook.

¨So, YN-ya, do you want to join us? You´re gonna have to wear a uniform and address me as Captain.¨

¨I´ll give a chance to the uniform, and I´ll only address you as Captain when you behave as Captain.¨

Law sighed, giving himself a carotid massage ¨Ok. Let´s go.¨

He walked a few steps ahead of you and Bepo, wondering why he spent so much effort on an arrogant thief that wouldn't even call him Captain.

You quickly became friends with the polar bear, even apologizing for calling him a dog. He strangely apologized for your apologies, culminating in what would almost make the notorious Surgeon of Death suffer a stroke.

¨What the hell is that?!¨ you shouted when the Polar Tang entered your field of vision ¨That´s not a ship!¨

What if I am claustrophobic?

The ya thing is a schtick?

Death? That´s a little borderline controversial for a doctor.

Trafalgar more like Trafraude!

On occasions like that, Law wondered how peaceful and quiet would be the sixth level of Impel Down. From a current perspective, your initial interaction served as a vaccine, creating the necessary antibodies Law would need to deal with future pirate alliances. 

The crew got attached to you very quickly. Your adventurous spirit, your stunts, and street trades fascinated them. Losing bets against you seemed acceptable, your card tricks and the thing of guessing the numbers they thought was like fuel for a good day at work.

Law didn't seem to mind that much. After all, you wouldn't get him on his nerves if you were busy with them. However, one day, you let slip something that caught his attention. 

¨YEAH! That´s exactly what she looked like! How did you do this?!¨ 

Law heard Shachi´s roar, followed by a wave of surprised ´ooh´s coming from the kitchen, where the majority of the crew hunched around the dinner table. 

The doctor leaned against the door, silently observing what could possibly be more important than keeping the ship working. He had been drowning in files all night, and now he decided to have a coffee break. That mess early in the morning did not make him happy. 

No one seemed to be too intimidated when he cleared his throat, announcing his presence. Everyone greeted him with smiling 'good mornings' and turned their attention back to you.

 ¨What is going on here?¨

¨Captain did you know Y/N can see dead people?!¨ 

The coffee left a bitter aftertaste on his mouth.

¨What?¨

¨Yeah, Captain!¨ Shachi yelled on Law´s face, earning a death glare ¨She just described my mom!¨

¨Really, Y/N-ya? Now you´re a magician and a psychic?¨ he asked, taking the seat across from you. 

¨The perks of being me.¨ you shrugged. 

¨Do you see more dead people here?¨ 

Yes

¨No. But you sound a little skeptical, Law.¨ 

It was way too early for that discussion, but your biological clock didn't seem to care. Whenever Law came with his teasing, you would be ready to strike back.

He gave everyone a lecture about empathic accuracy and how good you were reading cues communicated by words, emotions, and body language. Or some crap like that. 

¨Ok, let me see if I got this right.¨ You shifted in the chair, hands moving in the air ¨You can pull organs out of people´s bodies, cut them in pieces without killing, switch their souls, but you do not believe that I can see dead people?¨

He tilted his head, but not giving you an exact answer.  

¨Do you wanna know what I think?¨

¨No.¨

¨I´ll tell you anyway. I think you have something you don´t want people to know, like a soft spot or a tragic past.¨ you sought the answer in his eyes ¨I´m guessing a loved one who died?¨ 

Overall, he was not wrong. You were a master in reading people´s body language, but you were not a jackass. So when the slight twitch of his mouth cleared up your doubts, it was time to stop. 

You knew how it felt, soft spots, tragic pasts, or late loved ones. There was no need to go further and throw more salt on his wounds. Hopefully, that taught him a lesson. 

An awkward silence ensued while everyone watched the scene, uncertain how to act, fearful that an extra spark would make everything explode into massive destruction.

¨Whatever.¨ he sighed ¨Show´s over. We´ll be reaching land in a few days, and we should be preparing to dock.¨ 

When everyone left the kitchen to go about their businesses, you remained alone with the figure that constantly wandered the submarine. He didn't do it in a creepy way. Despite his extravagant makeup and the intimidating aura, he was not a bother.

And it wasn't like he was there all the time, definitely more than anyone else. His passages were guaranteed on the days when Law was more sensitive. For bad or for good. He would look after him from the distance like a parenting figure. 

¨Who are you?¨ you murmured under your breath. 

For the next few days, Law made sure you were too busy to foster discussions about dead people or paranormal abilities.

When your services stealing rare supplies or getting answers to your Captain's questions you weren't required, you would help him with mountains of paperwork.

Only this time, he had outdone himself.

He managed to assemble the annual check-up of the crew, the inventory packing list, and the update of the logbook at once. This last one could easily wait until after you docked. But that freaking workaholic sadistic surgeon would not let this opportunity slip. So you pulled several all-nighters writing, signing, and stamping, all without exchanging a single word.

When you emerged, a few miles from land, you barely enjoyed the fresh breeze and sunlight. The crew hopped around, getting ready to put their feet on the continent as you sat in the kitchen profusely grouchy.

Your brain was fried, burnt, carbonized. 

¨You´re not coming?¨ Penguin asked, and you shook your head. ¨It´s been a while, Y/N, you should come.¨ you shook your head again. ¨I guess you´re not buying anything for the Captain´s birthday as well.¨

An incohesive question came out of your exhausted being. Penguin couldn´t help but feel sorry for you. ¨By the time his birthday comes up, we will be underwater, so everyone is preparing.¨ 

¨Do I have to?¨

¨No!¨ he chuckled ¨He doesn´t really like it, but we still buy him something.¨

¨Why?¨

¨´Cause he is a good Captain!¨ he said and sprunt out by the voice of someone calling him, waving goodbye at you. 

 It wasn't that you didn´t think Law was a good Captain. It was just an inherent nature of yours to clash every time you looked at each other. 

But on such occasion, you could combine the useful with the pleasant. After all, you were grateful because he gave you friends. Of course, he was the unfortunate by-product that came with them, but you could handle him. 

So fighting against your will to stay and sleep, you forced your way out to the solid ground, hoping to find the most random store someone could wish for, a haberdasher. 

Much to your delight, you did it. You picked a burgundy color wool and the first hook you put your eyes on and returned to your soft bed. 

The chances of you having scared your crewmates by staring at the blank for hours were high. In reality, you wanted to memorize and come up with a pattern for the strange-looking beanie that man wore. 

It had no pompom at the top like Penguin´s. Instead, two long pieces of fabric ran down from each side with heart-like things hanging.

When the sixth day of the tenth month arrived, Law´s desk was cluttered with presents. You had decided to wait until you were done with work and heading to bed to give it to him. 

After conquering that task, you locked yourself in your room, where you stayed until you had it finished. For some reason, you bothered to buy a box to put it in. Whatever.  

On the sixth day of the tenth month, Trafalgar Law could not focus on work. Every slight movement of yours, every bathroom break got him jittery, rehearsing words that wouldn´t make you hate him more. 

Not that you ever hated him, but you didn´t talk, so he didn´t know. After some time starting small talks and being ignored, you just gave up trying. 

By the end of that night, he had given up too. So when you placed the golden-yellow box on his desk, he couldn´t vocalize his feelings. It became just another silent night. 

Chests tight and hearts clogged with unspoken words. 

Law did not work for the next couple of days, and if he left his room, no one saw. The gifts on his desk were not even opened. Everything was left the way it was. 

Maybe you had crossed a line. 

As you marched up to the room at the end of the hall, several paths popped into your mind. You could act like you didn´t care, so what if you left? You had been alone for so long, it wouldn't make any difference! Still, something was begging you to apologize. To ask to stay, because being there was good, everything you never knew you wanted.

You were ready to pack your bags and have your title as a Heart Pirate retracted when you woke up one morning, finding a note on your desk telling you to meet him in his room. Your nails dug into your sweaty palms. Where did this tightness in your chest come from?

When you set foot in the room, your eyes hovered around. It was the first time you saw Law's room. It was exactly how you thought it would be.

Keeping your gaze locked on his was more difficult. He was sitting in an armchair near the foot of the bed. From afar, his appearance remained neat, as always, but as you approached you saw the circles under his eyes even darker. A thing you didn't think was possible.

For the first time, you didn't know how to read his expression. And seeing him vulnerable like that made your stomach drop. So you prepared yourself for the worst. However, to your surprise, all he did was ask you questions. 

No snarky remarks. You just talked.    

That day something changed. And from that day on, Law had found someone to help him carry the unbearable weight he had on his shoulders, and you found a place to call home. 

                                                             ...

¨Y/N-ya.¨ he called you, who was a cuddle away from sleeping.

¨Hm?¨

¨Before you left, in Sabaody...¨

¨Uhm.¨

¨You stole the coin again, didn´t you?¨ 

You giggled and pulled the commemorative coin from your back pocket, snuggling closer to his body and feeling the vibration of his chest as he chuckled.

Extra notes: I hope you had enjoyed it! It came out a little too long, but I have been feeling like I´m limiting myself when it comes to the number of words... I don´t know, I´m confused. 

Anyway, is that pink and red that I see on the horizon?

[wordstro]

[12:06 PM] + pirate!au + “you really think you can steal from me and get away with it?”

2.3k, implications of seggsy times but no descriptions of it at all, surprisingly not angsty - just pirate king hongjoong

-

it was supposed to be an easy steal. take over a shift at the bar to catch his attention, distract him, find the rusty coin your clients wanted you to steal so badly, toss it under your dresser, out of sight, out of mind, all while he’s preoccupied, wait until morning to complete the assignment, collect the reward money. easy. 

and it was. 

except you miscalculated one single, important detail. your target wasn’t just any pirate. he was the pirate king. 

he was captain kim hongjoong. 

the initial start of the plan ran smoothly, in fact he had been kind to you that night, his dark eyes watchful, observant, safe even throughout the night. he cleaned you up afterwards, made sure you were hydrated and comfortably tucked away, and left a peck on your forehead before he slipped out into the summer night, his pretty smile and dark eyes seared into your brain. a trickle of guilt crept under your skin as you slipped out the bed the moment the door clicked shut behind you. you fished out the rusty coin your client was willing to pay handsomely for and tried to think of the reward rather than the guilt. you expected the pirate king from the rumors. the mean, bloodthirsty, horrible man that everyone across the great seas knew. stealing from that version of him would have felt less burdensome than the man who stepped into your bedroom. 

the next morning, however, everything went to shit. you spent most of the walk to port examining the rusty coin, flipping it over in your fingers as you wondered what kind of value it could possibly have - clearly there was something there if your rich clients were willing to spend thousands of gold pieces on this and it was in the personal possession of the elusive pirate king. it looked like any other old coin from the northern islands.

as you slipped through the crowded marketplace towards port, you made a plan, grinning to yourself. 

let’s just say your business practices were never the most ethical.

you quickly found out that, apparently, neither was your client’s.

the eye-patched ex-navy captain handed you a heavy pouch of gold, watching you weigh it in your palms before clipping it to your belt beside your own pouch of gold coins.

you plucked the rusty coin from the folds of your shirt. the moment the coin passed from your hand to your clients crooked fingers, his gun was on you.

he shouted at you, claimed that you knew too much and he did not leave loose ends, fingers twitching over the trigger, and you barely let him finish his speech before you lunged at him. he dropped his gun, letting loose a gunshot into the sky. you truly did not believe he would have actually shot you. navy men were supposed to have morals, no matter their current affiliations with the navy.

still, you wasted no time in snatching the coin right back, elbowing the man in the nose when he tried yank at your hair. you gasped in pain when he punched you, landing on your ass with a throbbing lip and, undoubtedly, a giant, unsightly bruise blooming over your cheek. the force of his hit left you seeing stars, clutching your stinging face as you scrambled across the deck, the coin digging into your palm. he loomed over you, but you kicked at his legs, tripping him up long enough for you to scramble to your feet, a nervous giggle spilling from your lips as you watched him teeter at the edge of the port, flailing his arms 

after a moment of stunned silence - you’re sure you sounded insane, giggling to cope with such a deadly situation - his crewmates finally turned on you, brandishing their weapons, anger rolling off them in heavy waves. one of them advanced on you, swinging his sword. you tried to step back, but he managed to slice at your skin, making you yelp in pain.

that’s when you made the decision to reel your arm back and toss the damn coin into the ocean, as far as you could throw it. the silence on the port following the soft plop was deafening. you were not planning on sticking around for the aftermath, not with the way the ex-navy man clutched his crewmates as they pulled him from the dock nor with the way he screamed bloody murder a moment later, swiveling on you, fists clenched and veins popping out along his forehead.

you did what you do best. you ran.

his crewmates were clearly torn between retrieving the coin and coming after you. you did want to look back and find out if they were, intent on putting as much distance between yourself and your furious client as possible as you weaved through the familiar marketplace, ducking under bystanders and around merchant stalls.

now here you are, cursing your luck as you weave through the marketplace, trying and failing to staunch the bleeding from the cut on your leg. you can still hear the shouting from the dock, but you don’t dare look back, veering around the corner. all you can do is hope that you don’t leave a blood trail for your client and his crew to follow. you can only hope that you didn’t just -

you’re yanked back, so hard you let out a sharp yelp. you thrash in the grip, but it’s too strong and you think, gods, this is it, this is how i die, fuck, fuck, fuc -

“get off - hongjoong?” you freeze at the familiar face looming over you, thinking shit shit shit as he glares at you, gaze icy, stiff. he’s furious. he looks every bit the part of the pirate king the rumors warned you about and nothing like the man you met the night before. you can’t quite blame him for it, not when you stole something so obviously precious from him. 

your coin pouch burns against your hip, almost as badly as your wounds. you try to pull away, but he yanks you forward until he hovers inches from you, dark eyes burning holes into your face. if looks could kill, you’d be dead a thousand times over.  

he speaks sharply, grip tightening around your shoulders, “you really think you can steal from me and get away with it?”

maybe it’s the adrenaline rush from turning on your client or stupidity or something else entirely turning your mouth loose, but you raise a brow, grinning half-heartedly, your heart slamming against your ribs all the while, “that’s exactly what happened, though.”

he bristles at your smile, his scowl deepening and his grip tight enough to leave bruises. 

“oh, i know.” he yanks you out of the alley, and you stumble in his hold, reminded of the night before and how he pulled you into your apartment the moment you opened the door for him. you shove the thought from your mind, focusing on his pinched brows and furious eyes as he looks over his shoulder at you, “and i intend on having you scour every inch of that beach until you find the fucking coin. once you do, i’ll skin you alive and leave you for the fish.”

you dig your heels into the dirt, “hong -”

“let’s go.” his voice is low, commanding, never once letting up on his grip on you.

you protest the entire time he drags you back through the marketplace, but he does not relent. the townspeople do nothing, as expected. your hometown is a safe haven for pirates, and the people here make it a point to never meddle in pirate’s business. no matter what. you can’t even find it in yourself to be disappointed when you pass by familiar faces and they merely glance away. 

he pulls you all the way back to the port. your ex-navy client is shouting at his crewmates across the port, desperate as he points to the sea. you barely have time to look at the consequences of your actions when hongjoong finally lets go of you.

“climb,” he orders.

you glance up at the steps leading into his ship. black sails flutter overhead, and the ship is huge. you glance sideways, at the ocean, and hongjoong shoves your back. “don’t you fucking dare. now, eyes forward and climb.”

you could jump, still, but he’ll probably just shoot you and let you drown. frankly, you are not in the mood to die such a gruesome, undignified death.

you climb into his ship, nearly face-planting onto the deck when he grabs your arm only to toss you forward. it’s embarrassingly easy for him to knock you onto your knees. he looks down at you, expressionless, and your cheeks heat up in embarrassment when you realize you two are not alone on this deck. you groan, fixing your gaze on hongjoong. 

“look. if you’d just listen to me -” you start. he gives you a sharp look that you think could skin you alive all on it’s own. you wonder if you should have just jumped into the ocean and taken your chances. you don’t back down, however, rolling your eyes. you’re not sure what’s come over you. maybe it’s the realization that you’re going to die either way or maybe it’s just that you know he’s not always like this, at least he wasn’t yesterday, and you can’t imagine someone like that could be as cruel as the rumors say. you glare, “don’t look at me like that - the fucking coin isn’t in the ocean.”

his eyes narrow, “i watched you throw it. we all did.”

you flush at the thought of an audience, glancing at the men eyeing you with various degrees of irritation. you scratch the back of your neck, hurrying to explain yourself.

“well, okay. i see how that looked, and i get it, but i swear i didn’t throw the coi - ow!”

hongjoong is crouched in front of you, butt of his pistol pressed to the sword cut on your thigh. the wound burns and you attempt to slide back. he doesn’t let you, grabbing your jaw, fingers tightening. He presses his thumb into the growing bruise on your cheek, jostling your split lip. the pain curls inside you, unshed tears springing to your eyes. hongjoong’s dark eyes are void of any of the kindness and warmth, the comfort, he held the night before and it makes this moment worse.

he says, “if you know what’s good for you, you’ll stop lying to me.”

you tear yours eyes off his face, focusing instead on the men around you. their irritation has morphed into disdain. another spike of fear runs down your spine at your situation and this time you deflate, hating how defeated and tired you are. hongjoong adds pressure to your bruise, the wound on your thigh, and you look back up at him, jerking away from his grip.

he...lets you, his hand falling from your face. he must have seen the fear in your eyes, the beginnings of complacency. it’s unfair. you were only trying to make a decent living in a town devoid of any kind of decency. it’s just your luck that’d you’d fuck up so royally.

you’re afraid he’ll grab your face again, but settles back to a crouch in front of you, resting his elbows on his knees as he stares intently at you, waiting for you to speak. the butt of the pistol remains at your thigh, though he lets up on the pressure there, too.

you gulp under his scrutinizing stare, the silence stretching on between you two. he merely raises a brow. 

“the coin pouch,” you take a deep breath before you dip a chin towards your hip, “i switched your coin with one of them, so it’s still in there.” his brows furrow together and his eyes fill with disbelief, his jaw ticking and his fingers flexing near his knees. 

he starts to move as he bites out, “you -”

“i swear i’m telling the truth! no, please listen -” you shake your head quickly, hands in the air, ignoring the sounds of guns clicking all around you, “the one with the pink ribbon is my coin pouch. the client offered a shit ton of gold pieces for that damn thing so i figured i’d switch it with a fake, collect the reward, and after he leaves port, i thought you’d -” you pause under his intense gaze, recollecting your jumbled thoughts, “i thought you’d come back for the coin once your realized. i was going to give it to you, demand a reward or something, you know? though in hindsight, that was probably a death wish in the making. but still. double the money and all that, right? so...i....well...”

you clamp your mouth shut when he reaches out and tears your pouch off your hip. he casually dumps the contents of pouch onto the deck, the sounds of coins rattling against wood grating on your ears. the rusty coin stands out. not only is it bigger than the others, but it’s nearly the color of the wooden deck. 

the relief in his eyes, however, has your shoulders slumping, watching as he tucks the coin into his pockets with a strange gentleness.

you tear your eyes from him, glancing around the deck, past a few of his crewmates and the large sails, and you say, “you’re not gonna make me walk the plank are you?”

there’s a small snort behind you, but you don’t turn to the sound. not when hongjoong turns his sharp gaze on you, his hand resting on the hilt of his dagger. “maybe i fucking should.”

you wince, “i am sorry, okay. i was just doing what i had to. for survival and all.”

hongjoong just stares at you, gaze unreadable. it reminds you of the look he gave you when you first laid eyes on him last night.

“i’ll just...uh,” you clear your throat, jabbing a thumb behind you, towards the port, “i’ll go.”

you figure it’s best to dismiss yourself before hongjoong remembers his promise to skin you alive. you push yourself to your feet. one of his crewmates, a man with long dark hair pulled into a messy bun, helps you to your feet, patting your back as he does so.

“you double-crossed the navy.”

you look up at hongjoong, glancing past him, to the ship where your client is overseeing his crew as they wade through the ocean. you frown, “did i?”

you thought he was merely an ex-navy-captain-turned-bounty-hunter. the eyepatch was not very professional of him, not to mention that current navy members typically avoid your hometown due to how much money the merchants pay them to stay far, far away. you only took the man’s job because ex-navy members tend to hold onto all their morals long after serving. they’re easier to scam.

you shrug, then, “they have no jurisdiction here. it’ll be fine.”

you stumble from the burning cut in your leg, however, yelping as you flail. one of his crewmates catches you before you actually fall flat on your face. he doesn’t let go, steadying you carefully. you barely register his face, focusing on hongjoong’s next words.

he says, “stay on board until they're done searching for the coin at least.”

one of his tall, scary-looking crewmates lets out a low whistle and an obnoxious snicker. hongjoong throws him a scowl, before turning back to you. 

he gestures to your figure, “you can do whatever you want, but we both know you’re in no shape to run if one of them catches you. we have a doctor that can check your injuries."

his eyes are neither kind nor warm. merely factual. clinical. you wonder, briefly, if you imagined the looks he gave you last night, the feathery soft touches in between the tugs at your hair and your clothing, the small, sweet smiles and his sweet nothings.

still, you know he’s right. he knows it as well. you sigh and say, “fine.”

hongjoong doesn’t smile, doesn’t say another word. he merely nods once, brisk and short, before he spins on his heels and walks away. 

[one-piece-dumpster-fire]

Hi can i have a hcs of being the older sister of vivi killer drake and katakuri who is nice and compasionate please-Sarah

I'm sorry this took... embarrassingly long to complete. And I'm not gonna lie, it was rather difficult for me to come up with good headcanons for this request. I'm really not proud of this one, but... hopefully you'll like it at least a bit, dear ^^'

Having a kind older sister headcanon

Nefeltari Vivi

Vivi absolutely adores and looks up to you!

secretly, she wants to grow up to be just as much of an amazing and kind person as you are

however she can also be a bit of a brat and a little rebel from time to time; especially in her younger years she would often switch between wanting to be with you and wanting to be left alone in a matter of seconds

sometimes, when she's in an especially mischievious mood, she even goes as far as to hide from you on the palace grounds all day long

seeing how your mother died when you and your little sister were still pretty young, your dad Cobra was initially the one who tried to take on both parental roles and raise you to the best of his abilities; but since he's also the King of Alabasta and has a lot of responsibilities to take care of, it didn't quite work out in the long run. Thus you jumped in for him, taking on both a sisterly as well as a motherly role for Vivi as she was growing up

still, Cobra is extremely protective of his two girls and therefore you're rarely allowed to leave his sight or the palace. But that ain't stopping you from occasionally sneaking out in secret, and once Vivi is old enough to accompany you, you bring her along. Those little 'trips' later on fueled her desire to sneak out on her own and make friends with the other children in Alabasta

every evening, when it's time for bed, she sits down with you and proudly tells you about the things she did that day while you brush through her hair

although she's eager to share most of her hobbies and adventures with you, the one thing that Vivi is extremely cautious about is letting you meet her friends. Grown people aren't allowed in their club, so when she finally decides to introduce you to Koza and the rest, you have to promise not to tell anyone

you're the one person Vivi can confide in 100% and she knows that her secrets are always safe with you- even from Papa Cobra

so it's only natural that you were also the first person she told about her plans to infiltrate Baroque Works

and while Vivi is away on her secret mission, you make sure to help your little sis from the inside by delivering informations about the current situation in Alabasta. All while keeping up the facade of the good older princess who believes that Sir Crocodile is a hero, of course

when she finally comes back home with Luffy and the Strawhats, you do everything in your power to assist them in their plan to get the country back from the Warlord. With an all-out civil war right around the corner Vivi especially needs you as emotional support and counts on your wisdom to help with her decisions. You're her big sister after all, and if there's anyone she needs to have by her side while she's facing all of the coming chaos, it's you.

Killer

you know those rebellious teenagers that are always like "Moooom, don't tell me what to do!!!!"? That's Killer, but in little brother form

he definitely doesn't like being coddled or looked after. Yes, he gets into fights and danger regularly, but it's normal. He doesn't need you to chew him out for it every time

despite that, he really really does love you though. Hence why he's occasionaly pushing you away- as pirate he's living a dangerous life, and he doesn't want his nice and sweet big sister to get caught up in it

his way of showing apprecation for you has always been a bit unusual, even back when he was young. One time, when you were still living together, Killer tried to surprise you by cooking your favorite food for your birthday; but he ended up setting your house on fire instead, forcing you to move again

when you were still children you would occasionally babysit your little brother as well as his best bud Kid, and things often got out of control when you three were together

especially the little redhead seemed to be in a rather provocative mood whenever you were around. Sometimes Kid would declare that you'll be his woman one day, which always ticked off Killer and caused him to start fights with his friend

even to this day, Killer still tries to keep you away from Kid. He adores his friend and captain, but also really doesn't want him to try and get flirty with you... again. That's just all kinds of wrong

it's not just Kid though, no one else in the crew is allowed to comment on your looks/attricteveness/whatever either, or they'll have to deal with a pretty mad Killer

nowadays he's a lot more relaxed when it comes to you and your presence around the crew though. From time to time he still berates or tells you that you are too friendly for your own good, but deep down he's appreciative of your caring nature and how you always treated him with kindness

one thing that never really changed is Killer's desire to cook by your side and show off all the things he learned within the past few years

you're the only person he feels the need to impress and who's criticism actually matters to him even if he accepts it with a scoff

X Drake

although he's the younger sibling, Drake is actually the protective one. Because of your kind nature he's always afraid that someone might try to use you

he's pretty clingy as a kid, and it honestly doesn't change much as he's getting older

you were the one that took care of him after your father died, so naturally he's always been looking at you for guidance and comfort from a young age on

as a result you're the only person that can claim to know Drake 100%. He can't keep secrets from you either, sometimes it's even as if you know him better than he does

although he knows he can always come to you with his problems and secrets, Drake is pretty hesitant to do so. Scared that you might get dragged into his dangerous affairs, he heavy-hearted decides that it's for the best to keep you in the dark about his life as double-agent

although he feels a bit guilty to keep you in the dark about his affiliations, it does have some perks as well. Thanks to his job he was able to secure you a nice house in a calm (and most importantly, protected) living area that's close to his marine base

you could say it's his way of 'repaying' you for taking care of him for so long. Drake loves you and can't help but feel as if he's in your debt

as long as his job allows it he makes sure to visits you at least once or twice a month to make sure that you're doing good

during those visits he often thinks back to what your life used to be like when you were kids, and the mood quickly turns sober as he remembers his abusive father. That's usually when it's time for you to step in and change the topic

just ask Drake about his crushes or if there is a woman he's got his eyes on and he'll turn all sorts of red again lol

huh, maybe there is someone he's interested in. But he can't tell you because you'd probably just offer to help him win her over, which is bound to end in disaster...

instead of talking about his preferences when it comes to women he'd rather tell you about the new limited edition Germa action figure he managed to get his hands on! And boom- just like that, your little bro is in a better mood again

can you imagine how excited Drake would be to tell you about his encounter with Stealth Black tho...? You'd probably have to calm him down during the call so he won't hyperventilate lmao

Charlotte Katakuri

much like Killer, Katakuri also doesn't like being coddled

back when you were young and still sailing around with the family, it was usually your and Perospero's unofficial job to look after the younger siblings while Big Mom was doing... y'know, pirate stuff

most of the kids were doing fine under your watch, but Katakuri always had a strong tendency to get in trouble. You would often scold him for starting fights with others and tell him that he shouldn't pay any mind to whatever insults they throw at him; unfortunately though he hardly ever listened

and after the incident with Brûlée, he completely isolated himself from everyone- including you. He also felt a tinge of guilt for not listening to your advice, since it might have kept his sister from getting hurt

it takes years, almost decades until Katakuri feels ready to open up again- and if it wasn't for how compassionate you were and that you never judged or pressured him, it might have taken even longer

eventually he tries to mend your relationship by inviting you to one of his meriendas, where you finally get the chance to talk about everything

from there on out you two slowly get reacquainted with one another and become friends again

and this time, he actually listens to your advice and takes it to heart

Katakuri still keeps up the appearance of the strong and cold older brother around the other siblings, but when he's with you he's more relaxed and sometimes even okay with talking about his pent-up frustration

whenever he returns from a mission he checks in with Mama first (that's obligatory) and then gets some donuts, pays you a visit to see how you've been holding up during the days he was gone, and explains what he's been up to

he's always looking out for you and whenever Mama suggests that it's time for you to marry some crazy psycho for the sake of an alliance, Katakuri would do everything in his powers to help you convince her that it was a bad idea

frankly Katakuri respects you more than his own mother and is very glad to have someone who doesn't put him on a pedestral or holds him to some insanely high standards. It makes him feel a bit more... human.

[glitterandmoondustofficial]

Lost And Found

Characters: Law, Lammy, Heart Pirates Rating: Teen Warnings: Language, PTSD, Depression, and Anxiety mention Notes: I know this has probably been done a million times but it’s my turn (: AO3 Link

~~~~~

“Where are you going today, Cap?” Shachi grinned at Law. Law shrugged. “Wandering?”

Law grunted. He watched his crew walk off the Polar Tang. Not at the actual port, of course. Submarines were suspicious enough, let alone one sailing with a black flag. They found a quiet little beach to disembark safely. Law looked back at Shachi. “You know what they say about assuming things.”

“Pawn shops for coins, then.” Law rolled his eyes. “Well, I’m going to find some good grub.” Shachi rubbed his stomach for emphasis. “Want to come with? Or have you decided this is going to be a day where you ignore your own advice and not eat?”

“You’re being rather annoying this morning,” Law quipped.

“Just worried about my cute junior,” Shachi cooed at him. Law rolled his eyes again. Shachi patted his back with one hard pat. “I’ll see you later, Captain. Enjoy your day.”

Law muttered his thanks before adjusting Kikoku. He watched Shachi walk off of the Tang for a moment before sighing and moving to leave the submarine himself.

Shachi was not wrong. Law planned on wandering the island and then probably going to look at coins. Simple pleasures, Law supposed. After a life of whatever in the hell his life has been,  it’s nice to have some form of hobby that doesn't involve violence or medical procedures…or both.

Law walked off the Tang and along the beach, watching the sea hit the shore. He watched a tiny crab scurry from the sand to the sea in some hurry that only crabs could be in. As he walked further down the beach he noticed that people were starting to appear. It looks like he made it to the public beach. Law made a disgusted face. He supposed it was time to look in the town, lest he be surrounded by a bunch of fun-goers.

Law made his way to the port town. Nothing special about it. He wondered if his trip would be fruitless. He might have gone to an island with no new books, no island-specific coffee, or worse, no new coins. He huffed. He wouldn’t know until he actually looked.

His shoes made a tapping noise as he walked on the stone ground. People walked past him, completely unaware of who he was. Or maybe they just really, really didn’t want to acknowledge who he was. Either way, Law didn’t care. He was on a mission. Buy stuff.

He walked past food stands and restaurants, not paying them any mind. He wasn’t in the mood for food, and no one seemed to be selling any quality coffee. He continued walking, looking for anything interesting. He caught sight of a bookstore. Finally. Maybe this place would hold his interest.

He adjusted Kikoku and walked towards the shop. He was almost smacked with the door when someone decided to exit at the time he tried to open it.

“Oh! Sorry!” The woman apologized.

“Whatever. It’s fine,” he grumbled.

He looked at the woman. Her light brown hair was in a braid. Her gold eyes met his and they stared at each other silently.

Of all the things that Law expected to find on this island, this was not one of them.

He stared at the ghost in front of him, not sure what to do. He swallowed bile in his throat, everything coming back to him at once. She looked like her. She looked like his mother. He took a deep breath and looked her over again. No, too much of his father. She looked like Lammy would have, had she had the chance to grow up.

“Law?” The woman spoke up and Law’s ears started to ring. It couldn’t be. “Law?” Her voice grew more anxious. “Is that you?” She knew him? Is that really her? He let out a shaky breath and felt himself reach towards her.

Law snapped back to reality and withdrew his hand. Of course she knew him. He was Trafalgar fucking Law, the Surgeon of Death. He looked at the woman’s face and noticed the tears running down her face.

“Law, it’s you isn’t it?”

“That’s not exactly a hard thing to figure out. I’m sure my bounty poster is everywhere.” He tried to sound calm but his voice was shaking.

“That’s not how I know you. That’s…” she trailed off. “You’re alive! You’re-”

“In the way,” a flat tone said from inside the building.

“Oh!” The woman said. “I’m so sorry. We’ll get out of the way.” The woman took Law’s arm and started to drag him away. Law was so stunned by the action that he didn’t fight back at first.

Once he realized what was happening he pulled his arm back swiftly. “I don’t know who you think you are but-”

She turned to look at him, tears still flowing down her cheeks. “You remember me don’t you? I’m Lammy. You’re my brother.”

Law felt nauseous again. “Lammy died,” he snapped. “She died in that fire.”

“I didn’t. Almost did, but I didn’t. I was saved.” Law eyed her, not believing a word she said, but as he did he noticed the all too familiar white splotches on her tan skin, just like him. Just like his splotches. But still - there’s no way she was saved. It was genocide. They set the hospital on fire on purpose. It was to kill everyone inside.

His chest tightened and it was hard to breathe. He felt a cold sweat run down his face. Anxiety. PTSD. His vision was blurry for a moment until he felt a hand on his forehead.

“You’re hot,” she said. “Come on. I’ll take you to my flat.”

She started to drag him off again and this time he couldn’t find the strength to fight back. Before he knew it he was laying on a couch in a small apartment with a cold washcloth on his forehead.

He stared at the ceiling and then over to “Lammy,” who was reading a book in a chair across from him. He narrowed his eyes at her and felt himself become nauseous again. He felt hot, like a fire was lit under his feet. He smelled smoke and corpses. He swallowed down bile again. He needed to get out of here.

“Don’t even think about it,” she said, not looking up from her book. “I know that look. That’s the “I’m going to run” look patients get.”

“What, are you a doctor?”

“Yep. It’s natural, isn’t it? I mean, Mom and Dad were.” Law sat up, the washcloth falling into his lap. He looked around the apartment. Not much to it, honestly. It looked very bare. “And you became a pirate captain, interestingly enough.”

“I’m still a doctor,” he said automatically, not thinking about it.

They stared at each other for a moment, scrutinizing and analyzing each other. Law realized how much this woman looked like his mother. It made him want to cry. An old buried ache in his heart that was long repressed.

“I can’t believe you still have the hat,” Lammy spoke up.

“My sister got it for me.”

Lammy smiled brightly. “Ah, I suppose that makes sense. I don’t have anything from that time.” She sighed and closed her book. “What’s with all the tattoos?”

“You did just state that I’m a pirate captain,” he said flatly.

Lammy chuckled. “Yeah. How exactly did that happen?”

Law narrowed his eyes and his skin prickled. “Why would I tell you that?”

“Ah, you still don’t believe that I am who I say I am.”

“You think I’m just going to believe anyone who says they’re my dead sister?”

“How many people know you have a dead sister?” She questioned.

Doflamingo, he thought to himself, very aware of the fact that this could easily be a trap and he was already shit out of luck. What an idiot he was! He was so easily taken away by some random woman because he had a little PTSD. He should be better than this. When was the last time he made a fool of himself like this?

“How about I tell you what happened?” Law didn’t answer so she took that as permission. “The hospital was set on fire and I was dying. Well, dying faster. I passed out from the smoke, knowing that I was about to die alone,” she frowned and rubbed her arms. “The next thing I knew I woke up in a bed by a window with a curtain blowing in the breeze. It smelled like honeysuckle. A nurse walked in the room and started taking care of me. I asked all the normal questions. “Where am I? Where was my family? What happened?” And the like. She didn’t answer any, she told me to wait for the doctor.” She went silent.

“And?” Law prompted.

Lammy blinked. “The doctor came to see me eventually. He told me someone had pulled me out of the hospital and took me to another town near the shore. The doctor had heard about Amber Lead and was trying to work with anyone who could help cure the poison. Turns out he was too late,” she said bitterly. “Everyone died.” Law didn’t say anything. “I was sick and dying. I couldn’t get out of bed and I barely had a voice due to all the smoke I inhaled. I felt like whatever had happened was just a bandaid on a bullethole. I was going to die. Amber Lead was going to kill me. And I was miserable. I endured too many surgeries when I was so young.” She sighed. “The doctor performed one last surgery and I was okay. I wasn’t dying anymore. Something about it being in my liver.” She shrugged

Law swallowed. “And after that?”

“I helped the doctor in whatever way I could for saving me, but over the course of the months I was there the Navy ran raids, looking for people from Flevance who may have escaped, and as you are well aware, the scars never faded.” Law looked at his hands and the white splotches on his skin. “So, I found my way off the island. I stowed away on a cargo ship, eating scraps and sharing space with rats. I hid pretty well for a recovering, sickly eight year old girl. I would stop at an island, stow away on another ship, and then do it all over again a few times until I found an island where I finally decided to stay. Found an orphanage. Stayed there. Went to school and got the best grades so I could do everything on scholarship. Became a doctor and found myself on this island. Uh, that’s it, I guess.” She sighed. “I suppose it’s not believable and sounds like any story book tragedy. I mean, why would anyone save me when they were killing everyone else and…”

Law tuned out her anxious rambling and stared at her quietly. He let out a breath, starting to become far too emotional for the cool and calm captain of the Heart Pirates. What if this wasn’t a trap? What if she was who she said she was? What if she really was Lammy? What if what if what if…

“If,” he spoke up and interrupted her. “If you’re really Lammy,” he continued slowly. “Tell me something I would only know.”

Lammy frowned. “Well, let me think that far back. It’s been years since we saw each other and I barely remember anything it was so long ago.” She tapped her fingers together. “Do you still collect coins? Do you collect the Sora comics? I remember us reading them together.” Law frowned and his bottom lip quivered a bit. “Uh, let’s see, you once got in trouble at school for bringing a frog to your class photo.”

“Okay,” he said quietly. He breathed in through his nose. “Okay.”

“Do you believe me?”

He wanted to. He so badly wanted to. “If I did, what would you do?”

“Uh, hug you, I guess.” She cleared her throat. “I heard about a Trafalgar Law becoming a pirate captain, but I thought “no way, that’s not my brother.” However…it is you and-”

“What’s my middle name?” He interrupted her.

“What?”

“What’s…our middle name?”

Lammy blinked. “Duh, I suppose that would’ve been the easiest way to figure it out. It’s “D.””

Law didn’t mean to make a tiny pained noise that came from deep within his throat, but he did. It was Lammy. Who else knew that secret information?

Lammy smiled softly. “Want that hug?”

“Shut the hell up,” he said, holding every emotion back and failing spectacularly at it.

Lammy walked over to him and wrapped her arms around his neck. Law immediately held onto her. Lammy was here. His baby sister was here and alive.

He blinked away tears to the best of his ability. He heard Lammy sniffle and his heart ached. He dreamed of this. He had prayed for this knowing that it would never be answered. Life was cruel and painful and yet she was here, crying with him.

They held onto each other crying, letting their pain out. Their hearts were bare for one another. Law had never felt this much joy and hurt at the same time. His head and heart were racing. He felt light headed and nauseous. Of all the things he ever counted on happening, this was one he knew was never going to happen.

After long minutes of crying like he hasn’t cried in years, they pulled out the wine. Lammy asked him what happened and he told her. He told her cautiously, but he told her. Of a twisted fate marked with pain and suffering. He told her how he escaped and of The Family. He told her about Cora-san. He told her about how he survived with his three companions for so long.

Lammy nodded. “A lot has happened to you,” she giggled after a moment. “And you became a criminal.”

“What else was I supposed to do?”

She shrugged causally. “It’s your life, you did what you wanted so that’s what mattered. You’re happy now, yeah?”

Law took a sip from his wine. “Ish.”

“Ah, yeah.”

“What about you?”

“Eh.” She shrugged. “Could be worse. Could be better.”  She paused. “Tell me about your adventures.”

Law raised a brow. “Why?”

“What do you mean “why?” Because I wanted to hear what’s out there!”

Law chuckled. “Okay, I’ll tell you some.”

Law told her about the many islands and adventures he had been on, leaving out the more…violent parts. He didn’t need his sister to know everything about being a pirate. She listened eagerly, her eyes wide like a child being told an exciting bedtime story. They finished the wine together and were laughing by the end of the bottle.

“That all sounds amazing!” She exclaimed. “I wish I could see the world like that.”

Law hesitated for a moment before swallowing. “You could come with me.”

“Huh?”

“You could come with me.”

“To be a pirate?” She squeaked. Lammy looked at him with wide eyes. “I-I don’t know. I mean, we’re together again after so long but…to become a pirate…”

Law frowned. “You’re right. Never mind. I don’t want to put you in harm's way. If you stay here, I know where you are and that you’ll be safe.”

Lammy sighed slowly and nodded. “Yeah.”

They went silent. Law looked out the tiny window. It was getting dark. It wouldn’t be out of the question for someone to spend the night somewhere and off the sub, but it didn’t feel right staying over. Yes, they were reunited, but they were still strangers. It had been over a decade since they saw each other, they had no idea who each other were anymore. In fact, Law was sure that if Lammy really got to know him, she’d turn him away.

Law placed his wine glass on the coffee table and stood up. “I should probably head back to my ship.”

“Already?” Lammy frowned sadly. “We just…” she trailed off. “I’ll walk you to your ship.”

“You want me to let my sister walk alone at night?”

“I’ve got tiny safety weapons,” she pouted. “Besides, this island is safe, there’s never any issues here.”

That she knew of. Law thought to himself. Who knows what the government and Navy could be covering up.

“No, Lammy. I want you to be safe at home.” He reached out and ruffled her hair. “I will write to you.”

He watched tears fall down her face. She stood up and hugged him tightly. He wrapped his arms around her and frowned. He didn’t want to let her go again, but their lives were so different that he had to. He needed to let her live her own life and let himself live his own life.

Eventually they said their goodbyes and Law walked home alone. He was a mix of emotions that would certainly keep him up all night. He barely acknowledged anyone on the sub, stating he was tired and wanted to go to bed. He slinked into his room, placing Kikoku against the wall and throwing off his clothes. He laid in bed and stared at the ceiling, no longer willing to let his brain function for the rest of the night.

~~~~~~

“Where did you go yesterday? You disappeared.” Penguin asked Law early the next morning while they stood on deck.

“Nowhere,” Law grunted and sipped coffee.

“Okay. Why are we leaving so early?”

“Because I want to.”

“Okaaaay.” Penguin eyed him suspiciously.

Truth be told, he wasn’t wanting to stick around anymore. He didn’t want to leave Lammy, but he knew if he didn’t it would be harder to let her go. There was only so much heartbreak he could handle, and he’s had enough in his lifetime.

The crew was either coming back from a long night and/or getting ready to shove off. Law sipped his coffee and stared at the island. This was best. This was what was best for him and his heart.

He closed his eyes and sighed. He turned and leaned his back against the railing.

“Captain,” Bepo came up to him. “We’re ready.”

“Okay, let’s go and get ready to sub-”

“Waaaaaaiiiiiitttttttt!!!!” He heard a faint voice from behind him.

He and Bepo looked at each other confused before looking behind him.

A tiny figure was running towards the sub with a suitcase trailing behind them.

“Law!! Wait for me!!” They waved at him.

Law blinked. “Lammy?! What the hell are you doing?!” He called to her and ignored the various “Lammy?’s”  and other such things the nearby crew members muttered to each other.

Lammy didn’t answer, she kept running and dragging her suitcase behind her. She heaved and puffed when she made it to the side of the Tang.

“I’m,” she took a deep breath. “Wow, I am so out of shape. I’m coming with you.”

“…” Law stared at her wide eyed. “What?”

Lammy took a deep breath and walked up the ramp to the deck. She looked around the deck and then to him. “I’m coming with you, brother.”

“Uh, Captain?” Bepo said anxiously.

“Why?” Law asked. “Didn’t you say-”

“I know what I said but…but screw it! I want to be with my brother! It’s not fair that we went through everything we did but can’t actually be around each other because of silly rules like “pirates are criminals!” If I have to become a criminal to not be alone anymore, then I will!”

Law stared at her while everyone else stared at him. Law looked around and then back at Lammy. He snorted. “You know this means I’m your captain, right? You have to do what you’re told.”

“Oh…well, whatever! Who cares!” She grinned and rushed over to hug him.

Law wrapped his arms around her with a soft smile. There was various confused voices that surrounded him but he’ll answer them later. For right now…he’ll just let himself be happy with his sister.

[robinofgothamcity]

♡ lyric inspiration: “and I thought my heart was attached for all the sunlight of our past but she's so sweet, she's so pretty. does she mean you forgot about me?”

♡ pairing: timothy thatcher x fem! reader

♡ note: not checked for grammar or spelling mistakes / also, i do take character suggestions for WWE/NXT/UK wrestlers now! remember only character suggestions! not full on reqs. 

and do you tell her she's the most beautiful girl you've ever seen? an eternal love bullshit you know you'll never mean.

you looked to Marcel and sighed, putting your head on your arms and looking at the way he was with his new girlfriend. it had been months that you and him were no longer but a part of your heart still hadn’t healed itself from the break up and it wasn’t exactly news to anyone. 

the cause of breakup was that Marcel wanted to be ‘free’. you had no idea what that meant and for the longest time, your relationship with the rest of Imperium had taken a strain because of it but when Marcel’s endeavors finally got back to you, thank Alex for that, you weren’t exactly surprised. 

“woah,” you heard Candice whisper to herself as you finally looked up to see what she was talking about. you stared at a few people, most notably someone you hadn’t expected to see, “is that Timothy Thatcher?” you asked her, surprised at seeing him. 

she nodded, “I had no idea he signed here,” you told her, as the manager of the performance center showed him around. Candice shrugged, “me either but hey, it’s nice to see him finally make his way here,” she admitted as you nodded in agreement. 

you knew of Timothy because of Marcel. the two were close because of their days back in wXw and the independent scene. although you hadn’t met him personally, you knew everyone on Marcel’s faction was super close to him. 

“i’m going to go buy a Red Bull, want anything?” 

“a water!” 

you nodded, grabbing your wallet and making your way to the vending machine not too far from where catering was at. you kicked the small scrap piece of paper that was on the floor as you overheard the conversation was having with his girlfriend. 

a part of you wanted to just go over there and scream at him for breaking your heart and not giving you closure on the relationship but you knew it was no use. you would gain nothing from it and all it would do would make you look like the crazy ex girlfriend. 

“hey! where ya sitting?” you heard Johnny ask you from across the hall. you pointed to catering, “with your wife! i’ll meet you there in a sec!” you screamed back as you put in your money for the energy drink. 

being that your mind was still preoccupied with your previous thoughts, you hadn’t realized that you still hadn’t punched in the button for your drink until you heard someone clear their throat, “oh, i’m sorry! i didn’t realize i was keeping the line up,” you stated apologetically. you quickly put in the money for Candice’s water and snatched it from the bottom.

you finally looked up and smiled softly, “sorry again,” you whispered as you realized that it was Timothy who was waiting, “oh, you’re Timothy Thatcher, right?” you asked a bit excitedly. he nodded, “big fan! loved watching your matches in wXw,” you added on. 

Tim smiled and shook your hand, “likewise, you’re a great performer,” he replied, as he saw the way your eyes lit up as you continued to talk to him and he couldn’t deny the fact that he actually noticed he was trying to keep the conversation alive, “wow, so, do you think you’ll be ready for next weeks taping?” you asked. 

“possibly. a few of the trainers might keep me working out until the end of the month until they find me someone to feud with,” you nodded understandingly, “ahh, that sucks, I expected you to be on quicker than that but I have to go before the trainers kill me for being late,” you said, giving him a small wave before jogging away. 

not long after, Alex, who had saw the entire interaction walked up to him, “you friends with ( your name )?” he asked, genuinely curious. Tim didn’t exactly reply and only shrugged, “well if you are, she’s super nice,” Alex murmured, “and could use someone to actually get over what Marcel said,” he said it so quietly that Tim couldn’t exactly figure out what he had said. 

Alex thought of you as a sister and absolutely loathed what Marcel did to you. he thought it was super ridiculous of Marcel to not be up front about his feelings and just leave you hanging with no explanation to his actions. he could see the way the heartbreak was still affecting you till this day and wanted nothing more than to yell at him for bringing his new girlfriend around. 

“wait, what?” Tim asked, trying to get Alex to repeat himself, “no, it’s nothing,” he quickly said, “I just said she’s super nice and she’s kind of like a sister to me.” 

Tim didn’t bother to press the question as he heard commotion coming from the cafeteria area. the two of them peeked their heads in to see you chugging your Red Bull back as you quickly grabbed your things, “fuck, I didn’t think I was on tonight,” you screamed as Candice followed behind you. 

you booked it out the door as you didn’t pay Tim or Alex any attention. they saw the panic on your face, along with Candice’s as the both of you ran into the locker room, “one day Hunter is gonna kill her for that,” Alex laughed as they heard the panic screams from the locker room. 

the two of them sat inside of catering as you were quick to put on your gear and head to makeup. your match with Candince wasn’t exactly planned but Hunter had told you to get ready in case it did happen but time had slipped when you were speaking with Tim and now you had twenty minutes to get ready. 

by the time you and Candice finished, you had no less than a minute before your call time. you tried to dry your face as quick as possible but time was no longer on your side as you heard ‘Requiem in D Minor′ play through the speakers. your theme was one that followed you through the indies as you thought it always made a statement when it played. 

“interesting theme,” Tim told Alex as he nodded. your gear consisted of all black attire along with darkened makeup to match it. your personality however didn’t match your aesthetic at all. your personality was a lot more happy-go-lucky outside the ring. 

“yeah she picked it years ago and I guess it kind of stuck,” he explained as they watched you walk on the ramp, staring at the fans with a mocking smug look on your face, “ask Indi on her last with her and she’ll explain why the theme gives her nightmares till this day,” he joked. 

the two of them watched you slide into the ring with ease before Candice’s theme went off on the speakers next. you were leaning against the ropes, not bothered by the insults Candice was throwing at you as the ring announcer called the match to start. 

you quickly grabbed Candice by her shoulders and threw her over yours as she slammed onto the ring with a loud thud. Tim was shocked to see the way you picked her up without hesitation. it looked like it was no sweat off your back as you followed up your move with a flip off the top rope. 

Tim could see the way you were clearly getting the upper hand in the match. it was another twenty minutes of back and fourth until you climbed up on the top rope again and did a double flip in the air before grabbing Candice’s leg and tapping her out. 

your theme blared through the speakers as you swiftly moved out of the ring and walked back slowly to the back. you blew the crowed a menacing kiss before you were fully out of view and collapsed onto a chair to catch your breath. 

“can you please go easy next time,” Candice groaned as she sat next to you. you laughed, smacking her shoulder lightly, “relax, this is just payback for what you did last week to me,” you retorted as you saw Alex walk towards you, “what do you want, Wolfe?” you said with a shaky breath.

he laughed, sitting next to you, “have you met Tim?” he asked, knowing the obvious answer. “met him earlier at the vending machine,” you replied, waving at him again. Tim did the same as Alex smirked to himself, a bright idea popping into his head. 

“we should all catch dinner tonight,” you stared at Alex in question, “who is all?” you asked, making sure ‘all’ didn’t include Marcel, “you, me, Tim, Candice, and if Johnny wants to come along,” he replied. you sighed in relief, “i’m down if everyone else is,” you said. 

Tim and Candice agreed as you and Candice left it to Alex to figure out where to catch dinner. you showered as quickly as possible as Alex had sent you twenty different messages to hurry up before everything got booked up for the late night reservations. 

all you put on was leggings and a random wrestling t-shirt they had lying around for all of you to wear. although you hadn’t noticed what the shirt was, Alex couldn’t help but laugh seeing that it was one of Walter’s t-shirts. 

you met up with Alex, Candice, Johnny, and Tim at the front entrance of Full Sail. a few steps away was Marcel and his girlfriend talking to Fabian. you had no idea if Alex had even spoken to them but as soon as you arrived, all of you jumped into Alex’s car. 

“so, what made you want to come over here and wrestle?” Candice asked Tim as the three of you were squished in the back, “figured it was time to head back home,” he said. you weren’t exactly paying attention to the conversation but Tim for whatever reason couldn’t help but look at you every once in a while. 

Alex noticed it immediately and mentally high-fived himself. he knew Tim long enough to know when he was interested in someone and he was able to tell that he was slightly taking an interest with you. he saw the subtle looks he was giving you and knew that if he played his cards right, the two of you could end up dating. 

the restaurant Alex picked wasn’t far from Full Sail. it was in walking distance of the arena which you found odd that all of you had to pack into the car when you could’ve easily walked it there. 

the hostess quickly sat all of you when you arrived and Alex made sure to sit you on the edge of the table with Tim. he felt a bit bad knowing he was plotting you to get with his friend but he knew it would help you with getting over Marcel for once and knew that Tim would not do what Marcel did if you two ended up dating. 

throughout the dinner, all of you stuffed your faces with Greek food and talked for what felt like hours when in reality it was just an hour and a half. the conversation never died out, especially when it was just you and Tim talking. you found it a bit funny that the two of you hit it off so easily that it felt like you had known him for years. 

+

a few weeks passed as you remained by Tim and Alex’s side. within that time, you hadn’t realized that you were hardly thinking about Marcel and his girlfriend. your time was spent either training, going out with the small group all of you formed, or just texting Tim when you were able. 

you had given Tim your number the night all of you went out. Alex had told you that it was odd to see Tim actually engage in a conversation with someone. he wasn’t exactly the most extroverted person in the world and tried to keep his friend group tight but with you, it was just a different story as he put it. 

Tim had finally made his appearance on TV and considering his appearance caused everyone in the crowd to go crazy when he finally stepped onto the ring, all of you wanted to go and celebrate it. 

you also had a match previous to Tim’s segment and you had once again hadn’t realized what shirt you grabbed from the rack when you picked it. however, Alex did recognize it. it happened to be Tim’s. they were shirts that they had just put on the shops website. 

“nice shirt,” Tim joked as he pointed it out. you looked down and laughed as you read the grey colored t-shirt, “shut up, I didn’t even realize it,” you retorted as you sensed your phone going off. you saw that it was Alex texting you. 

you quickly read the message and immediately rolled your eyes, “he dropped out of dinner. I guess Imperium had segments to do after the taping,” you informed him, “Johnny and Candice couldn’t make it because Johnny injured himself tonight and she wanted to make sure he was okay.” 

“so I guess it’s just the two of us,” Tim replied. you nodded as the two of you had just decided it was best to catch dinner at your place instead of making the drive into downtown Orlando, “what are you making me?” he asked as the two of you walked inside. 

you thought for a moment, “ever try peanut butter stir fry? it sounds gross in theory but i’m telling you, it’s amazing when you actually try it,” you explained, putting all the ingredients on the counter, “count me in, I’ll help you with it,” Tim said. 

you had put on music in the background as you and Tim got to cooking. the meal took no more than fifteen minutes to cook before you piled up your plates together and sat down on your couch and dug into it. 

“so, have you met anyone?” you asked Tim, wiggling your eyebrows. he thought for a moment before laughing, “are you talking as in a girlfriend?” he asked. you nodded, “no, I don’t really date, plus, I sort of like someone already,” you were surprised at his confession while also a little saddened. 

a part of you had started to like Tim as he was the one who mended that piece of your heart that Marcel broke. Tim could see that you were taken back by the answer and chuckled. 

“it’s adorable that you haven’t figured it out yet,” he said, making you now confused, “do I know them?” you asked innocently. he rolled his eyes and got closer to your face, “you’re adorable, you know that?” he whispered before placing a quick kiss on your lips. 

all you tasted was the peanut butter on his lips when you immediately kissed back. the plates were set on the small coffee as he brought you in closer as you laid on top of him and situated yourself on his stomach, “i’m guessing it’s me?” you asked playfully, “no kidding,” he murmured before kissing you once again. 

Alex, who had felt his phone vibrate earlier in the night, finally looked to see who it was and excitedly opened it when he realized it was you. you had Snapped him a photo of you and Tim cooking dinner as Tim was slightly holding your waist. 

“oh wow,” Alex said loud enough to catch everyones attention, “what?” Fabian asked curiously. Alex showed the table the photo of the two of you, “guess ( your name ) and Tim are finally together,” Alex mentioned, a small smirk playing on his face. 

“what do you mean finally?” Marcel asked, “the two of them had been seeing each other for a while now and I guess he finally had the nerve to ask her out,” Alex was purposely laying it on thick as he saw the slight jealousy flair up in Marcel’s eyes. 

“good for them,” Walter murmured as Fabian agreed, “right? I can see them ending up married if I’m being honest.”

Marcel, who now was no longer interested in the conversation, checked your socials to see that Alex was right. you had a few photos up of you and Tim together on you Insta as he played your Insta story next. he saw a few photos of you before landing on the photos of tonight. 

you had taken a photo of you and Tim eating dinner. a part of him hated that it was Tim that you landed on to date but Marcel knew that he was the last person you could say anything. he knew you absolutely hated his guts because of how he broke up with you but he felt an annoying feeling plaguing his stomach at the thought of you dating Tim. 

[standingonborderline]

We have philosophy and theft

rating: teen and up audiences

shipps: janus + patton (moceit) 

word count: ~12.2k

summary: Soulmates share the same birthday. That is a fact. The hard part is finding the one who really is your match among so many others. Patton has never met anyone who has the same birthday as him, and when Virgil mentions that he knows someone, Patton insists that he set up a date. Except that things take a turn and crimes are commited.

warnings: there is a scene where a dog is locked inside a hot car but he turns out fine ok, i promise

author’s note: this is a general content submission for @moceit-appreciation-week . i originally wrote this in my native language, brazillian portuguese (that if you happen to know you can read it here) and then i translated it and made some adaptations, so... i don’t know, just keep that in mind

[Read it on AO3]

"When is your birthday again?'' Virgil asked calmly, raising his gaze from the computer screen before him. He was sloppy sitting on the padded bench near the cafeteria wall. Above him, hanging on a brick wall, was a huge blackboard displaying a weekly menu written in chalk.

"On the first day." Patton answered, leaning over the square table positioned between him and his friend. He placed his head in one hand, holding the cappuccino glass with the other near him.

"May?''

''Yeah.''

Virgil turned to the computer screen, and Patton could hear the press of keys amid the buzz of the other customers.

"Why is that?''

"So I can write it down." He clarified, and in front of him, there was a huge monthly calendar filled with all the things he needed to do and what was the deadline to accomplish them. Virgil struggled to keep his life organized as much as possible. He was also ignoring the fact that the day was April 13, which meant that the month had begun two weeks ago. The small floating arrow sailed to the bottom of the screen, and he selected the day in question, marked with a letter ''S'' above it. "It's on a Saturday.''

Patton sighed, staring at the marks of deterioration on the wooden table on which they were.

''Yes, it is.''

Virgil turned to him again, raising his head and watching him beneath the purple locks of hair. He stretched his fingers above the keyboard, causing the black nail polish to camouflage between the keys.

"What?"

''I'm going to be twenty-nine, and I haven't met my soulmate yet!" Patton was pitiful. He opened his arms cautiously on the table, lying on it and avoiding reaching the glass that was near him and his friend's computer.

Virgil sighed briefly. Every year the same thing happened, and by that time, he already had a mental list of arguments to offer Patton.

"Well... You know... sometimes people have to try more than once." He shrugged. "Everyone thinks that as soon as they meet someone who has a birthday on the same day they will be perfect. It's a great way to delude yourself. Like it's fate or something." He smiled ironically.

''Yes, I know, but I've never MET anyone who has a birthday on the same day as me!'' Patton stretched both hands, next to Virgil's computer, leaning his chin on the table. ''It's complicated.''

Virgil rolled his eyes and lowered the notebook screen, watching Patton and his honey-colored curls. He knew this was something that bothered Patton, though he couldn't say the same about himself. His expression turned into a grimace, and he lifted the computer screen again, placing it between him and Patton so that it would prevent eye contact.

"I may... know someone who has a birthday on the same day as you."

''What?" Patton rose from the surface immediately, unable to see Virgil's face due to the grayish plaque in front of him. ''Virgil?"

''Um?''

''Who is it?'' He rose from the seat, leaning part of his body over the table, and positioning his face above the screen. He pressed his fingertips next to the camera of the device.

"Who's what?'' Virgil asked, staring at the calendar to avoid Patton's supplicant gaze.

"The person you know who has a birthday on the same day as me.'' Patton clarified, and fought against his instincts that resembled that of a feline wanting attention: were it not for Virgil's fingers on the keyboard, he would have already closed the computer that created an obstacle between them. "I'm down for anyone. You know that."

''Yes, I know, it's not that, it's... is that... You know what, never mind, you're not going to like him." He spoke, denying with his head.

"No, I want to know!" Patton insisted. "Please?"

''Oh, it's just... he's kind of...'' Virgil began, seeking a justification, and finally looked at Patton, who kept all his concentration on him. I don't know, I don't trust him.''

"Why not?" Patton frowned delicately.

''I don't know. It's just... a feeling, I guess.''

''Okay... what do you know about him?"

''That he is a lawyer and that his name is Janus."

''Oh, cool!'' Patton leaned his head on the back of his hands, above the computer monitor. "What else?"

''That's all, actually."

''That's all?''

''Yeah. I told you, I don't trust him. Besides, I think he hides stuff.''

''What kind of stuff?''

Virgil grumbled, gesturing vaguely, and tried:

"About himself?''

Patton contemplated briefly and then shrugged.

"Maybe he's only reserved. Like you.''

Virgil made a face and returned his concentration to the computer.

"So... Are you going to give me his number?"

''Patton... "

''Please?" He smiled, and quickly added, "I'm the one who has to like him, not you. Pretty please?''

Virgil and Patton stared at each other and Virgil remembered why he wanted to avoid eye contact. No one could say no to Patton with bright brown eyes and wavy hair as adorable as a puppy asking for your food. Finally, he gave in.

"Ugh, all right. I'll talk to him. I'll see what I can do.''

''Yay!" Patton clapped his hands. "Thank you!''

''Of course. Whatever.''

With the online calendar still open in front of him, Virgil added a note to remember talking to Janus about the situation.

Outside the Museum of the Classical Age was a large, wide staircase made of whitish marble. At both ends, above the steps, were the handrails leading to the museum's small entrance platform. In the center of it, a third handrail was installed, standing out due to its contrast in relation to the rest of the façade. It had a smaller thickness, being made of iron in black color, and was used much more often by visitors of the daily.

Patton used the first of the steps as a seat, next to the entrance door and next to the left handrail. The shadow of the architecture spread to the pavement ahead, partially taking the path to the staircase and the outdoor parking lot, distributed on the sides of the entrance. The sun shone fervently, but that did not prevent the low temperature or the icy breeze that accompanied it. People would come in and leave the establishment, and Patton was waiting for a face that wasn't familiar to him. The high sound of a tire caught his eye, and he — like other visitors outside — turned to the right, in time to watch the driver of a red pickup truck suddenly stop, too close to a man crossing the parking lot. Immediately, the driver threw several offensive words at the man, who stopped where he was and stared at him for a moment, before walking again and heading to the museum's staircases. With this, the focus of the others also dispersed. Patton followed the man with his gaze as he approached and climbed the steps quickly. The print on his clothing became a blur, being possible to identify only the figure of two wavy things crossed one over the other. He went into the museum, while the driver had been lost sight of, and the situation that had barely begun had already been finished.

Patton waited a few more seconds, preventing his thoughts from focusing on the movement outside that dramatically diminished, and on how no one had addressed him. Hearing a delicate tinkling, he exuded, picking up the cell phone that had the screen facing down in his lap.

''date janus!!'' it read as the contact name at the top of the screen. It was from two minutes ago,  at 11:12 am.

''I'm here'', one of the messages said.

''I believe in a section just about the coliseum,'' said another message then.

Below these two, there was an attached photo that appeared to have been taken at a certain distance. It showed the end of a corridor that contained a passage to another room ahead, wider. The walls were of a clear beige tone, and instead of works referring to the time, they were decorated with documents extended and protected by glass. On the sides of the entrance to the next room were two chandeliers, each lifting a small transparent lamp. And among them... there was a woman who spoke and over-gesticulated, actions easy to detect due to the smudges that her face and arms had become. In front of her and with her back to the camera, was a group of teenage students, occupying fully the entrance. On the right, near one of the chandeliers, was a second woman who was also partially with her back to the camera.

Patton stretched his legs, rising from the smooth marble surface and turned around. With a few steps, he walked through the huge double door that was completely extended to the inside, as if with open arms awaiting the visitors.

To the left of the lobby was a large circular reception. From where he was, Patton could see at least three different employees serving people. He thought about joining them and the small line that formed — which he would do on other occasions — but this would probably take several minutes. He analyzed the rest of the environment, the gaze floating over other individuals who walked around the room, the most distant velvety benches leaning against the wall, the huge staircase that stood both to the left and to the right, by the large arches that indicated the entrance to other corridors near where he was. Uncertain, he crossed the room toward the corridor on the right, and came across the same beige walls with chandeliers and the class of students who occupied the passage. However, there did not seem to be anyone else present besides those who were previously in the photo. Patton glanced at his cell phone, which remained with the same three messages, and turned distractedly to look around.

"Boo!" In front of him, a man arose, leaning toward him.

Patton jumped back, giving a sharp scream and taking both hands to his chest reflexively.

The man laughed, and Patton did the same, embarrassed.

''I'm sorry." He said by mere formality, in a drawn tone of voice.

''Of course." Patton sighed, relaxing his shoulders and straightening his jacket with one hand, while the other held the phone. He laughed one more time. "Very... sneaky, aren't you?''

''Yes.'' The man agreed, and he analyzed the boy in front of him from head to toe.

The first thing to be noted in Patton was the huge colored jacket he wore. The colors of the piece alternated between red, blue, green and yellow, and its fabric was soft and comfortable, preventing the wind from passing through it. Underneath it, he wore a white shirt that contained two bottoms above the right side of the collarbone, both of which were composed of colored stripes. One of them had a pink stripe followed by a yellow and a blue one. The other, a little further down, had a black stripe followed by a gray, a white and a purple one. The shirt bar was placed inside the high-waisted style jeans, in a shade of grayish blue. He wore yellow all-star sneakers that covered his ankles, but even so, the man was almost certain that he wore different socks. One of Patton's hands still held one side of the jacket tightly, and he noticed his nails painted in different colors: dark blue, light blue, purple, and black. The hand that held the phone was partially hidden for him, so that it was only possible to see the fingernail of the thumb painted red.

He had brown eyes, protected by the glass and aluminum skeleton that was his rounded glasses and long eyelashes. Beside the nose, the upper part of the cheeks was decorated with small brown dots scattered horizontally. His skin was clear, his lips pink, and on his face fell wavy locks in a shade of faded brown. Apparently, the numerous decorative fruit hair clips were not enough to contain them in place.

The man blinked repeatedly, his face inexpressible. Patton seemed to have come straight from a children's show in which he was the host and had chosen his own costume, resulting, surprisingly, in a beautiful outfit being worn by an even more beautiful person. Lovely, perhaps, was the most appropriate word. ''Cute'' would also work.

But instead of saying any of these things, he remained silent, until finally asking:

"It's Patton, right?"

''Oh... Yes, it is." Patton gulped and held out his hand to him, looking at the other man before him.

His skin was clear, but not as much as his. This was obvious when one noticed the spots on the right side of his face, whose tone was closer to pink than beige. Above them, his hair was partially shaved on the side, and the dark brown locks were reserving on the left side, long enough to reach the length of the cheeks. At the height of the neck, it was possible to see the white collar of a shirt, hidden by the black sweater he wore on top. His hands were involved by the pockets of black pants with pleats, and he wore brown combat boots.

"Janus." He said, shaking Patton's hand and revealing the yellow glove he used.

Patton alternated glances between the three things that most intrigued him in the person in front of him: the eyes, the stains on his face and the gloves. Before he could decide which one to ask first, another detail stood out for looking familiar to him, and he meticulously observed the pattern of two dark green snakes crossing one over the other in Janus' sweater.

"Hey, weren't you in the parking lot earlier?"

''What?" He asked, slightly confused, before remembering. "Oh, yes, I was. I love the experience of almost getting hit first thing in the morning." He mocked, and Patton noticed it was the same lazy tone of voice he had used to apologize moments before.

"Yeah... there are people who get very angry in traffic anyway." Patton changed the subject and stood beside Janus, only to discover that he was reasonably short compared to the other man. In front of them, the student class was gone. ''Shall we?''

That said, the two walked down the rest of the corridor and entered the next room.

By the next thirty minutes, Patton had already made two puns about them being in a museum.

He maybe got confused during a third attempt that resulted in comparing Janus to a work of art. Maybe.

Either way, Janus tried his best to hide his laughter and apparent redness on his face. He failed miserably in both.

Janus had the impression that Patton was looking too much at him, specifically at his face. He decided to clarify that the spots on the right side were the main symptom of a skin disease called vitiligo.

Patton said he had freckles on his face, though this was evident.

Janus mentioned having a pet snake named Ophelia. Patton assumed he was joking. Two factors made him realize that he was not: Janus' expression and tone of voice remained the same throughout the conversation, and Patton's suspicion that he had a forked tongue.

Not that he was looking at Janus' mouth or anything.

Patton was a high school philosophy teacher.

He liked plants. He talked about the collection of succulents that stood on the window sill of his room, and their names: Angela, Ashley, Audrey, Alice, Amelia, Aurora, and a few others. The latter was in reference to the Disney princess.

Janus was pretty sure he'd mentioned an Ariel too.

Janus liked the Marvel movies.

Patton preferred DC movies. His favorite was Shazam.

They talked about how Tony Stark and Bruce Wayne were alike.

Patton told about how his students appeared with the so-called new ''memes'' every week, and that he didn't quite understand how they worked. This did not prevent him from using them the wrong way through his attempts. Sometimes these same students spent most of their class with their heads down, and Patton knew they were having a bad day. So he didn't bother them.

Janus told of the questionable things his colleagues in the legal field did. Among them, having love affairs with clients who were in divorce proceedings, and obtaining evidence by illegal means. He wouldn't admit it, but it was fun to be able to tell these things to someone who wasn't part of the business —and who therefore couldn't use them against someone he knew. Patton seemed shocked by the reports, but also interested.

An hour and a half later, the number of people visiting the historic facility decreased considerably as most went out to eat.

Patton stopped in the lobby, away from the doors. He had taken off his colorful jacket and now held it over his forearms, gathered near his body. He turned to Janus, not far from him. "There's a diner down the street." He remarked, drawing the attention of the other young man who looked up at him. "Do you want to go eat? We can get there by foot.''

''Yes." He said without thinking. But who could say no to Patton? Patton who had his nails painted in different colors, Patton who had chosen an outfit that seemed to have come out of an eighties themed movie, Patton who had named his plants, Patton who laughed at the very puns he made at any opportunity, Patton who cared for the wellbeing of his students, although it was not his responsibility. Patton.

He was so sweet. So lovely. Optimistic. Polite. That wouldn't work. Janus had to make something about that. He just didn't know what yet.

They went down the street, heading for the establishment. The silver clouds hid the sun, and the winds remained sharp enough to cause chills. They walked side by side, most of the time in silence, and Patton pointed to some birds that were landed on the electric wire across the street. They arrived at the site and outside the gravel floor formed an outdoor parking lot, similar to what the museum also had. Further away from the entrance, Janus noticed a red pickup truck, too much like the one he had seen earlier when he arrived at the museum. Ahead of him, Patton entered and held the door for him, and the two took slow steps as they entered the venue, searching for an empty table amid the crowd of customers. Quietly, they went to the service desk to place their orders, infiltrating amid the lines that were mixing due to being side by side. Patton raised his arm to fix the sleeve of his shirt, but in doing so, he accidentally hit someone next to him who was coming in the opposite direction.

"Oh, I'm sorry!" He spoke immediately, gathering his arm close to him and placing his hand on his opposite shoulder.

''Yeah, yeah, whatever." The man in the plaid shirt grumbled. Getting as close as he could to the service desk, he sneaked through the thick line. Still, he wasn't far from the couple. "Lady! Hey, lady!''

Patton took a step to the left, approaching Janus who now stared at the intruder with his eyes half-closed.

The man began to call out for the attendant at the counter a little further from him, saying something about having received the wrong order. The attendant politely asked him to go to the end of the line, but the same could not be said of the other people around who were waiting to place their orders. Unidentified voices were startled in the buzz, complaining about the man and also asking — demanding — that he go to the end of the line. The man ignored the claims, insisting that he was paying for an order he had not made, while the attendant reiterated that they had delivered exactly what he had requested. Janus and Patton watched the situation unfold attentively.

Looking at the man, Janus recognized him as the same one he had seen earlier, the same driver of the truck who had almost run him over in the morning. And with that, he had an idea.

"I can make a new order for you. " He volunteered, and the man finally turned to him, analyzing him from head to toe.

"Aren't you that guy who was at the museum?''

Janus blinked repeatedly, giving a fake smile.

"I was... Oh, my God, you were the guy in the pickup truck, weren't you? I'm so sorry, I wasn't seeing where I was going!" He explained, taking one hand to his chest dramatically.

Patton looked at the two, confused, but paying more attention to janus' tone of voice, which had suddenly changed. It was completely different from the dragged tone he had used during the time they were in the museum, as if he were an actor playing a role.

"Yeah... you should pay more attention anyway."

''Oh, I will for sure, sir...?'' Janus asked, offering his hand to him.

''John." He greeted.

"Is that short for Jonathan?''

''No. Just John. And you're...?"

''Oh... I'm...'' Janus kept his forced smile, and looked away. Through the big window in the back, on the other side of the room, you could see the street outside. A large bus stopped at a traffic light, the ad on the side displaying Louis Vuitton's new fall-winter collection. Quickly, he added: ''Louis."

''Um. " John made a grimace and examined him again. ''Such a cocky name, huh?''

Janus' smile was slowly becoming terrifying.

"What's wrong with your order?" He asked, changing the subject, and felt Patton gently pulling the sleeve of his sweater.

"I had ordered a large burger and a medium Coke, and they gave me the opposite.'' John offered the receipt to Janus, who checked it superficially.

''Do you know what? I'll make this order for you again, and then it's all settled. You don't have to pay anything else.

"Um. Alright." John agreed with the same angry expression that Janus had seen all day, and walked away, ending the conflict in line.

Janus watched as he disappeared into the crowd, and his fake smile turned into an expression of repulsion. He disguised it before turning to Patton, who called him:

"What are you doing?" He had furrowed eyebrows, looking between Janus and the path John had taken before he disappeared. "Your name's not Louis."

''Well... Maybe he's just having a bad day." Janus shrugged, turning his eyes. "Maybe he just needs... a good deed.''

Patton made a grimace, uncomfortable, and the two moved forward as the line progressed.

"I didn't like him. He almost ran you over."

''Pff, don't worry.'' Janus guided, gesticulating vaguely. "We're not going to be in his company for long anyway.''

Arriving at the service desk, Janus only made John's order. Patton barely paid attention to his, ordering quickly. Leaving the line with the orders, the two met the man at a table. Janus and Patton sat side by side, while John stood at the opposite end. When he began to eat, his manners towards the two changed, and he magically became more polite. He began to chatter, for the most part, complaining about his work that neither Patton nor Janus had paid enough attention to know what it was. Janus stayed as far away from the table as possible, strategically holding one of the menus raised in front of him. Patton ate only half of his order, looking out the window most of the time. About half an hour passed with Janus presenting a friendly personality.

"Well, the chat is fine, but if you'll excuse me, I have to go to the bathroom.'' John informed as he rested his hands on the table and stood up.

"Oh, is it?" Janus looked up at him, as did Patton. "Don't you want to leave your stuff here? I'll take care of it.''

John frowned and looked at Janus and Patton.

"My stuff?''

"Yes," Janus shrugged. "It's going to be quick anyways.''

John hesitated, but gave in. Sticking his hands in his pockets, he left his wallet, cell phone and car keys on the table. Janus glanced at the belongings.

"Five minutes." John said, moving away from the table.

"Five minutes." Janus echoed, following him with his gaze.

John went to the back of the diner and walked through a door, disappearing from view.

Janus turned to the table and, with one hand, took the cell phone and keys. With the other one, he held Patton's.

''Let's go.'' Janus stood up quickly from the table, taking with him a Patton who intertwined his own legs due to the rush.

"What?! Where?!

''Let's go!'' Janus insisted as they passed through the cafeteria's front door, practically running.

They crossed part of the parking lot until they stopped near a red pickup truck. Up close, it  was brighter, cleaner. Janus placed the keys into the lock and turned them, unlocking the car with a muffled sound. He opened the door and walked in, and Patton, on the passenger side, did the same without thinking. With the two inside the car and with their respective doors closed, Janus put the key in the ignition and turned on the car, immediately backing up and leaving the cafeteria parking lot. In a matter of seconds, the establishment was left behind.

The road followed mostly straight, with both Janus and Patton silent. As they stopped at a traffic light, Janus turned to Patton, who analyzed the inside of the car. He could practically see the gears spinning on his head as he absorbed what had just happened. Janus put on his seat belt, and they started walking again. Patton blinked repeatedly, lowering his head.

''Janus?'

''Um?''

''Did you stole a car?'' Patton asked slowly, turning to the man next to him.

''Huh... it's not stealing, actually. Robbery committed without violence is theft.'' He glanced at Patton, and he looked both angry and confused.

''This is no time for word games!'' Patton protested, and fixed his glasses in place. ''Stealing is a crime!''

Janus rolled his eyes.

''Yes, I know.''

''Then why did you do it?''

''Why not do it?'' Janus asked, smiling.

Patton stammered.

''Because it's wrong!''

''Well, 'John' kinda deserved it.'' He sneered, throwing the man's cell phone on the dashboard in front of Patton.

''What? No!''

''We both saw how he almost ran me over. Honestly, we are doing society a favor by taking this car away from him. Who knows who else he might hit?''

''No! This isn't - we shouldn't - he - you can't just go around stealing people's stuff!''

''I just did.'' Janus shrugged, and glared at Patton. ''Put on your seat belt.''

Patton huffed and did as requested, frustrated. He wanted to protest, to get out of the car. But of the many thoughts swirling around in his mind, none of them could turn into a coherent verbal sentence. And the car was moving, and he had just put on his seat belt.  Janus' reassurance that he had just committed a crime did not improve the feeling he had of anger and shock.  Janus smiled, opening the window on his side, realizing how his plan to push Patton away was working. Patton crossed his arms, turning his attention to his window.

''I don't like this.'' He grumbled, and Janus didn't answer.

A few minutes passed, and they continued their journey in silence, as Janus pondered where they were going now.

Slowly, Patton turned to the center of the car and took a closer look. Next to the steering wheel was a small glass display accompanied by several buttons and a few square holes below. He blinked repeatedly, bringing his hand to one of the round buttons. He carefully turned it and a low noise sounded.

''There's a radio.'' He pointed distractedly.

Janus alternated glances between the road and Patton who was playing with the buttons on the device. Patton turned one of them, and a man began to talk about how the city government used the money it received from the citizens. He turned the same knob one more time. A female voice sang a song that, from the instruments, seemed to be from the 1950s. He switched to another button, and a host announced that the guest about to give an interview was a female singer he had never heard of. He did this with the other three buttons, until the stations ended and the radio returned to its initial silence. Patton held up a long white cable that was plugged into one of the radio's inputs near the buttons. It had electrical tape on the end that was loose. Patton leaned back in his seat again, holding the cable close to him.

''I wonder if it's supposed to connect to the cell phone.''

''You can try it if you like.'' Janus said, not caring much.

With some difficulty Patton took his cell phone from the back pocket of his jeans and plugged in the long cable. Immediately, the small squared-shaped radio display showed the words "music library". Patton glided his fingers across the screen, searching for something. He gently touched the surface with his index finger, and seconds later the sounds of a drum and a guitar began to sound from the radio. Janus frowned as another guitar solo followed and a man began to sing.

Life's like the road that you travel on,

when there's one day here and the next day gone

Sometimes you bend and sometimes you stand

sometimes you turn your back to the wind

He looked at the radio display, which named the song as 'Life is a Highway' by Rascal Flatts. Next to him, Patton began to do what he deduced was a dance from the unusual movements. A few more seconds passed, and more and more of the music seemed familiar, until Janus ventured to ask:

''Isn't that the music from Cars? The Disney movie?''

''Yes, it is!''

''Oh, my goodness.'' Janus rolled his eyes and then turned his attention back to the road.

''Do you like it?'' Patton asked, smiling broadly and leaning back in his seat.

''Not exactly. But it doesn't bother me either.''

''It's pretty good!'' Patton said, doing random dance steps, as far as his belt would allow.

Janus sighed, choosing to let Patton have some fun.

The song ended, and before it could start again, Patton picked up his cell phone and selected a different one. It started with a soft piano and a female voice singing, until the rhythm changed drastically, becoming more agile.

''What is that?''

''Holding Out For a Hero!'' Patton replied, smiling.

''But that's not Bonnie Tyler's voice.'' Janus pointed out.

''Oh, no, it's Shrek's version.'' Patton explained, looking at his cell phone and at Janus.

''Oh...''

Patton watched Janus as he exhibited no reaction to the music. Instead, he kept his attention on the cars passing in front of him, trying to join them.  When the song ended, Patton selected a different song. And another. And another. And another. And in none of them did Janus show any interest. Nor did Janus mention the fact that they were all part of the soundtrack, themes, or created specifically for film or television animation work. At one point, Patton sank down on the bench he was on, his knees pressed against each other.

''What kind of music do you like?'' He asked, brushing a strand of hair out of his face and with anticipation, since it was a topic that had not been discussed during their date at the museum.

Janus turned towards him and watched Patton with his cell phone on one leg, still connected to the car radio.

''Oh, you're not going to like it.''

''Oh, c'mon, I wanna know!'' Patton insisted, and bowing his head he muttered: ''I didn't like that you stole a car either, but we're here.''

Janus sighed, and as they approached a traffic light, he held out his hand toward Patton, who handed him his cell phone. He tapped the screen a few times, and without saying anything, handed the phone back to Patton as the melody started to play and the car started moving again.

The music started with a piano and violin, and soon a woman's voice began to sound, singing lazily. Patton glanced at the radio display, which read "Black Hole Sun" by Haley Reinhart. The drive went on, with the music being the only noise between them, and Patton turned his attention to the man next to him.

The sun swayed distantly behind him as they passed different buildings and residences. The open window gave way to a strong breeze, which made the long strands of his brown hair frame his well-defined face. He kept only one hand wrapped tightly around the black leather steering wheel, while his left elbow rested above the window sill and the white sleeves of his shirt swung gently in the wind. The elastic band ran across his chest, sinking down and camouflaging itself to the black sweater, cutting through the snake print. He had a look of serenity, fixed on the road ahead. He was not bothered by the fact that he had stolen a car, Patton noticed. Not only that, but he was confident. And that was enough to create a charm. Patton mentally listed the things he knew Janus was, for sure, by now. Lawyer. Thief. Charming. He smiled softly, and Janus turned to him, somewhat embarrassed to catch Patton studying him.

''What?'' he asked, frowning.

''You have one eye of each color.'' Patton pointed calmly.

He really did. Patton had already noticed that Janus had different eyes when they were at the museum, but he couldn't say specifically how. Now he had found out: one of them was brown, while the other was green.

''Oh... yes, I do.'' Janus touched his hair, making a failed attempt to get it out of his face. ''It's called heterochromia. It's the only hetero thing about me.''

Patton's smile widened twice as much, and he leaned toward Janus.

''You made a pun.'' he said, holding back his happiness.

''What? No, I didn't.'' Janus staggered, alternating his attention between the road and Patton beside him.

''Yes, you did.''

''No, I didn't.''

''Yes, you did!'' Patton started to laugh, grabbing Janus' arm with both hands and squeezing gently.

Oh, no, Janus thought, watching Patton with wide eyes. He had made a mistake.

Patton kept laughing for the next five minutes, and slowly calmed down. When he stopped completely, he was leaning against the window beside him, which remained closed. He sniffled, taking a deep breath as he pulled himself together and some random song played at a low volume on the radio. There was a brief silence. Suddenly something caught both boys' attention: from the cell phone lying on the dashboard of the car, which previously belonged to John, came an alarm. Except that it was no ordinary alarm clock alarm, whose purpose was to wake people up, but the sound was more like radar. Patton reached out and grabbed the device, and with it closer, the two of them could see the blinking red dot in the center of the screen. Around it, circular waves were forming, and at the top of the screen, there was the phrase ''Find my phone''.

''Oh my God! Oh my God, it's tracking us! Now what?'' Patton asked, looking around frantically for a solution.

''Give it to me.'' Janus asked, switching hands on the steering wheel and extending one of them to Patton. He handed him the cell phone and Janus glanced at the screen.

''Dammit. I thought it would take him longer to do something about it.'' He spoke before tossing the device out the open window without hesitation.

In shock, Patton looked at Janus and the outside of the car, which had turned into a straight deserted road. He gulped.

''You threw the phone out of the window.''

''I did. Problem solved.'' He smiled sarcastically, looking at Patton. Patton sighed and leaned back in his seat.

''Right.''

The drive went on without any major problems.

About fifteen minutes later, Patton turned to Janus after spending most of the time looking out the window.

''Are we going somewhere?''

Janus stammered, being taken aback.

''Why?''

''Because... there is a mall nearby.'' Patton said, pressing his index finger against the glass of the window.

''You want to go to the mall?''

''Oh... yes.''

''With a stolen car?''

''But-it's just-there's-'' Patton sighed. ''I planned on doing more after the date, I didn't know it was going to last all day. And I didn't know you were going to steal a car!''

Janus looked at Patton and outside the window behind him. Not far away was a large building that was expanding horizontally.

''Fine, whatever.'' Janus turned his attention back to the road and turned on the right turn signal.

As they drove out of the parking lot, inside the building, and towards the stores, Patton told that he had gardening as a hobby — something that Janus had already noticed when he mentioned all the succulent plants that had names beginning with A. He wanted to plant a vegetable garden, but didn't know much about how to do that yet. And for that, he would need the proper tools and clothes. The first place they went was a clothing store. Once there, they eventually drifted off as Patton looked for something specific and Janus just didn't care to keep up.

He wandered distractedly around the store, looking at the clothes on display. There was a wall filled only with women's suits, starting with neutral colors of gray and dark blue. Then a red one appeared. A pink one. After that followed several that had their lapels and pockets printed for some reason. On the other side of the store, a large table displayed themed shirts with Star Wars character prints. Next to it was a second table that was almost identical, but this one contained Harry Potter themed clothes. A long rack had colorful bomber jackets, alternating between one color until it got to the jeans jackets with kitten prints and pieces of pizza on the back. Hanging high above it was a section of long trench coats in solid colors. Most were beige or gray, and investigating to the back of the rack, Janus came across a yellow one. Not a neon, vibrant, strong yellow, but a more subdued, darker, a shade of ''mustard yellow,'' as some palettes named it, considering that the color was closer to brown. Stretching out his arm, he removed the hanger and examined the overcoat. Its fabric was dense, warm, and it had small strips to be buttoned on each sleeve. At waist height there was also a long belt in the same color, which was tied at the back with a bow. He pulled it over his forearm and walked back through the store to a section that contained several long-sleeved blouses. Some had a high collar, others had zippers on the back. Apart from these details, they didn't vary much. He looked through the pieces, and finally decided on a light gray one with a turtleneck. He held both the jacket and the blouse together, stretching them out in front of him, observing how they would look together.

''Boo!'' said a voice behind him, at the same time as a pair of hands grabbed his shoulders and immediately released them.

Janus hissed, making a sort of high-pitched animal-like sound, and gathered his arms closer to himself. Beside him, Patton appeared, laughing with one hand in front of his mouth and holding clothes with the other arm.

''What was that? It sounded like...'' Patton sniffled, catching his breath. ''One of those little snakes! With a rattle!''

''Oh, it's you.'' Janus sighed and rolled his eyes, ignoring Patton's comment and the fact that he felt his cheeks warming up.

''That was payback for the museum.'' Patton said, and crossed his arms over his chest. ''Listen, I'm going to try on these clothes, so...''

They looked at each other in silence.

''...You're staying here, right? In the store?''

''No, Patton, I'm strategically waiting that you're busy so that I can run off and leave you alone like I did with a stranger in the diner.'' Janus spoke ironically, and in silence, Patton watched him with big eyes, worthy of a Japanese animation. ''I'm not leaving without you, okay? If that's what you want to know.''

Janus looked at the small set of clothes he had in hand and at Patton beside him, before stretching out his arm and offering them to him.

''Try these on too.''

Slowly, Patton took both pieces and examined them.

''Why?''

''Just try them on.'' Janus shrugged.

''Okay...'' Patton added them to the clothes he already had with him. ''But then I'll choose an outfit for you too!''

''What? No.'' He grimaced.

''Yes! It'll be fun, come on!''

''We're not going to play dress-up.''

''Why not?''

''Because!''

''You picked out a little outfit for me.''

Janus grumbled, stuffing both hands in his pockets.

''Fine.''

''Yay! Come on, come on!'' Patton jumped up and down and gestured for the young man to follow him. Grudgingly, Janus did so.

The two of them walked through the different sections of the store, as Patton analyzed the most diverse items. A light green shirt with buttons down the front and a pineapple print caught his eye, but after one more look at Janus, he returned it to the rack. It was so easy to find something Patton liked; as long as it looked colorful or fun it was more than enough. He also resisted the temptation to pick up a salmon colored t-shirt, whose right side pocket had a flamingo design, so that it looked like the animal was stored in the small compartment.

''Oh, what do you like to do?'' Patton asked suddenly.

''What do you mean?'' Janus frowned, intrigued.

''Sort of like a hobby. I like gardening," he exemplified what he had said before. ''What's your hobby?''

''Oh... uh...''

Patton stopped by another booth where long-sleeved shirts were spread out.

''I play the piano.'' Janus finally answered. Not that it wasn't true, but it was more of a... half-truth.

''Really?'' Patton turned to him, smiling and holding one of the shirts from the exhibit close to him.

''Yes, really.''

Yes, he could play the piano. And yes, in terms of personal interests, he was busier producing an outfit identical to that of Marvel's Doctor Stephen Strange. His fingers had seen more needle points than piano keys in recent years, but that was not relevant.

''Oh, that's so cool! I kind of started to learn how to play the ukulele, but...''

''...But?'' -He arched one eyebrow.

''I don't know, I'm not very good at it. I guess it's just lack of practice.'' Patton remarked as he watched a mannequin a little taller than he, wearing a scarf and unfurl the cloth from around his neck.

Janus squinted his eyes and made a mental note of the fact.

They walked around the store for a few more minutes until Patton chose a hat. He held up three of the pieces he had with him and held them out to Janus.

''There! Oh, we can play catwalk too!''

''No, no... no...'' Janus shook his head, holding the clothes that Patton had handed him, and the two of them headed for the fitting rooms. ''No, we'll see about that after we've tried them on, okay?''

''Okay!'' Patton agreed, and, getting out in front of them, took the first fitting room he saw with the door open, closing it behind him.

Janus stopped where he was and sighed, coming to the conclusion that living with Patton was like living with a child. He didn't know exactly what opinion to form of this, but he chose to put the thought aside and walked into one of the fitting rooms.

A few minutes passed before Janus heard Patton coming out of his fitting room, sounding surprised. Wearing the clothes Patton had chosen for him, he opened the door and stepped out of the booth. With his back to him, Patton stood in front of a large mirror that took up the wall at the end of the fitting room aisle. His new light gray turtleneck blouse was tucked into his jeans, and over that, he wore a large dark yellow trench coat, the length of which extended just below the knee. The pants left a small part of his legs showing, so that the yellow all-star sneakers that went down to his ankles drew attention.

''I look like someone...'' Patton thought to himself, moving from side to side and letting the bar of his jacket swing. With a jump, he turned to Janus behind him. ''The tenth Doctor! From Doctor Who!''

Janus looked him up and down, and the only similarities to the character in question were the coat and the sneakers. Even though part of the outfit had been chosen by someone else, Patton still looked like the host of a children's show.

Patton also looked at him, bringing both hands to his chest, below the collarbone.

''You look so pretty! And stylish!''

Janus didn't answer, and instead crossed his arms, cutting off eye contact. His clothes still had dark shades. Like Patton, he was still wearing the same pants and shoes that he had chosen for the date at the museum — a black pair of pleated pants and brown boots - and like Patton, he had also tucked the dark gray long-sleeved shirt into his pants. The difference was that Janus had two extra accessories: a plaid scarf, in beige and black, and a black straight-brimmed hat, large enough to partially cover his face. Janus hoped that it was doing its job, and he put it on, pretending that his face was not getting a blush.

Excitedly, Patton stood next to him, and then the two of them were standing facing the mirror, where the critical difference in height was noticeable.

''It's such a serious outfit... but I like it!'' Patton spoke up, with both hands in his jacket pockets. ''Why did you choose this?''

''I thought it was something you could wear to class.''

''Oh!'' Patton wiggled again, smiling. ''I hadn't even thought of that, but it's a good idea.''

Patton turned to him.

''How about you? Do you like your outfit?''

''No, it's hideous.'' Janus answered lazily, rolling his eyes.

''Oh, really?'' Fearful, Patton leaned back, analyzing his choices. ''I thought it was nice... I tried to pick something that would go with you. I can try again if you like.''

Next to him, Patton looked genuinely upset, and a wave of panic rose in his throat.

''It was irony.'' Janus clarified. ''I liked it.''

''You liked it?'' Patton asked again, and he nodded. ''Yay! I'm going to go change, and then we can go, okay?''

''Sure.'' Janus agreed as Patton returned to the fitting room.

But when Patton left the booth for the last time, wearing his normal clothes — the ones he had chosen for the date at the museum — Janus was still wearing the clothes he had chosen. He was leaning close to the door of his fitting room, now open, looking distractedly at the yellow gloves he was wearing. Patton stopped next to him, in silence, until he asked:

''Aren't you going to change your clothes?''

''Oh, no, not really.'' Janus said, picking up the shirt and sweater he had been wearing. Before Patton could say anything, he added while smiling charmingly: ''Shall we?''

Patton frowned, but agreed, and they walked back to the store. Janus was further ahead, while Patton looked for the cashier, and he almost bumped into Janus when he stopped abruptly.

''Excuse me, sir," a young man started to say, approaching Janus and looking at him. He wore a badge hanging around his neck. ''Are these the clothes from the store?''

Janus turned his face slowly in the opposite direction. Next to him was a stand of sunglasses, and he looked at them closely.

''Look, sir, it is against store policy to wear the clothes outside the fitting room without paying first.''

Silently, Patton looked between Janus and the store employee. Janus took a pair of white, black and gray sunglasses, whose lenses prevented others from seeing his eyes, and put them on.

''I'm going to need you to go back to the fitting room and change, otherwise it will be characterized as theft, and I'll have to call security.'' The boy explained calmly, and Patton's eyes widened.

Janus wove the plaid scarf around his neck and adjusted his hat, so that it hid the part of his face that was closest to the employee.

''Is that so?'' Janus asked, with a heavy foreign accent.

''Yes.'' The boy confirmed, holding both hands in front of his body.

Janus grumbled, turning his attention back to the sunglasses stand.

''If I had known that I would be treated like this I wouldn't even have come here. But please, call security.''

The employee blinked repeatedly and leaned toward Janus.

''Excuse me?''

''It's just that where I come from it is very normal for customers to wear the clothes they are going to buy while they are in the store.'' Janus continued sarcastically and with his accent. ''I personally think it is absurd to be called a thief when I have done nothing wrong!''

Behind him, Patton was starting to make faces due to his confusion. From the stand, Janus picked up a pair of sunglasses whose lenses were blue hearts, and offered them to Patton.

''Try this one on, honey, it suits you.''

Hesitantly, Patton took the glasses and held them out in front of him.

''You’re still violating store policy.'' The employee repeated.

''Are you really going to call security on me?''

''I'm sorry, and you would be...?''

''Alfred Hitchcoppolucas," Janus announced, sliding his index finger and thumb along the brim of his hat. ''Director of Psycho Godfather Wars.''

In shock, Patton approached Janus and the clerk.

''Excuse me...'' He started to say, but Janus purposely put himself between him and the other boy.

''Please, do call security. So this could end up in a lawsuit against your store, it will be so much fun!'' Janus, Alfred said, gesturing and smiling exaggeratedly, pretending.

''Oh... oh.'' The employee was flabbergasted and started stammering, trying to fix the situation. ''No, no, that won't be necessary, sir. I am so sorry for the inconvenience, actually, you know what? You don't have to pay for anything. I'll turn off the alarms in the store, so you can go, okay?''

Patton watched as the scene unfolded before him, and of all the absurd things to question, he wondered if Alfred Hitchcoppolucas was a real person.

''Oh, really?'' Alfred asked with a strong accent and a drawling tone of voice.

''Yes, really. I'm very serious.'' The employee started to walk away, almost tripping over his own feet. ''I'll do it now, okay?'' He said, and with that, disappeared from sight.

Immediately, Janus broke off his fake smile and turned to Patton. With one hand he lowered his sunglasses minimally, looking Patton over them.

''You were saying?''

For the second time that day, Patton had more than one thought swirling around in his head, and there was a certain difficulty in turning them into comprehensible sentences.

''Who is Alfred Hitchcoppolucas?''

''A director.''

''No, no, you're not Alfred something, you're Janus...'' Patton interrupted himself when he realized that he didn't know his last name. ''Why did you lie to him?''

Janus shrugged and smiled.

''Because I can.''

''No! No, you can't just go around tricking people!''

''Why not?''

''Because it's wrong!'' Patton justified, and at the same time Janus repeated the exact same thing, but as if it were a question in a debauched tone.

''Think through the bright side,'' One by one, Janus removed the paper labels from the pieces he was using. ''You're saving money.''

With a few steps, he stepped aside and picked up two ecobags that were displayed on a low hanger. He put the tags and his original clothes in one of them, and offered the other to Patton.

''Shall we go?''

Hesitant and a little upset, Patton held up the bag and put all the products he was holding into it. He considered heading to the cashier and paying for them anyway, but before he could find his location in the place, Janus started walking again, heading toward the store doors. Patton followed him a reasonable distance, and as they walked through the silent detectors, Patton updated the list he had in mind.

Lawyer.

Thief.

Charming.

Liar.

And despite the questionable attributes, his indecision about what opinion to form of Janus remained haunting him.

Hours later, they left the mall, and the sun had given way to the moon and the stars that kept it company.

The outside was cold enough to give it goose bumps, and as they made their way to the pickup truck, Patton gripped the ends of his windbreaker jacket, ready to zip it up. But before he could do that, something else caught his eye. He stopped where he was, noticing how on the other side of the outdoor parking lot, a little way off, there was an enclosed car with a large dog inside. He stood there for a few seconds, watching the scene and walked hurriedly towards the car, not even noticing that Janus was walking steps ahead of him.

''... And that is why carrots are the worst vegetables.'' He concluded a monologue, and immediately looked both ways, noticing Patton's absence. Janus spun around in time to see him walking away toward an unfamiliar car. ''Patton?''

The young man continued walking.

''Patton!'' he called, and walked quickly in the same direction.

''Hi.'' Patton greeted the animal in as calm a voice as he could while resting his hands against the closed windows of the car. The dog inside, a golden retriever, turned to him, panting and blinking. ''Are you stuck in there?''

Patton touched different places on the car door, as if it would magically open for him. He reached for the handle and pulled, but nothing happened. It was locked. Of course it was locked.

Janus caught up with him and stopped beside him.

''What are you doing?'' he asked exasperated.

''There's a dog in here.'' Patton said, turning briefly to him, his eyebrows raised together. ''He's hot.''

Janus looked over to the side of the car, seeing the dog sitting in the back seats.

''And?''

''We have to get him out of here!'' Patton again touched random parts of the door. ''But there's no way, it's locked!''

Patton considered his options. He could try to go back to the mall and find the owner of the car — and the dog. But how could he do this? The person could be anywhere, in any store. What if it was an employee? He could have been working by now. There was no personal information on the outside of the car, and trying to find the owner by blindly searching for him could take hours.

Janus frowned and looked at Patton and the golden retriever inside, his pink tongue falling out of his mouth.

''It's not our dog,'' He thought about saying, which meant it wasn't their problem. But neither was the red pickup truck parked a short distance away, and that hadn't stopped him.

Besides, Patton remained with the same expression of sadness and concern on his face, touching the car door.

Janus bowed his head and thought about what they had. The keys to the pickup truck. Cell phones. Eyeglasses. A hat. Some gardening tools, small but firm, just like the car keys. A jacket. An overcoat, long and dense. Belts. Sneakers... Sneakers. His gaze hovered over Patton's pair of all-star sneakers at ankle height, the yellow glowing against the darkness of the concrete floor at night.

''Take off the shoelace.''

''What?'' Patton turned to him, confused.

''Take off your shoelace.'' Janus ordered, raising his head and looking at him.

Patton hesitated briefly before leaning against the car door, bending forward and raising one of his legs to chest height. After a few seconds of struggling, he pulled out the long line and held it out in front of Janus.

''Keep an eye out for anyone coming.'' He said casually, taking the shoelace.

''What do you mean?'' Patton muttered, standing on tiptoe and looking around, not knowing exactly how to warn him if anyone approached.

Janus glanced down at Patton's feet, interlacing the shoelace, noticing how one of his socks was green, and the other, red.

The thread now had a small knot with an opening in the center, which could be closed by pulling on one side. He slipped the shoelace through the doorway, and luckily the rubber didn't stop it. The dog, noticing the narrow line above him, raised his long nose and sniffed it briefly, not caring about it. Janus crouched down, facing the door and moving his arms carefully as he lowered the wire. Standing next to him, Patton alternated glances between what Janus was doing — which Patton didn't understand anyways — and his surroundings, nervously. He couldn't see any people outside, but entering the parking lot, a car sped up the path behind them, and Patton's eyes widened.

''A car just drove by.''

''Was it a police car?''

''No.''

''Then it doesn't matter.''

Janus kept his gaze fixed on the inside of the car. The dog sniffed the shoelace once more as it hovered over the door latch pin between them. He closed the knot around the latch tightly and pulled both ends up, causing the small latch to lift.

The door was open.

He exhaled and stood, and Patton smiled at him, hopefully. Janus pulled the handle and the door opened, and immediately, the golden retriever jumped out of the car, but he couldn't get very far: strapped to the headrest of the seat, a leash held him down. Janus leaned forward, looking for the clasp on the dog's collar, but before he could find it, Patton moved in front of him and rested one knee on the car seat.

''Patton!''

''Wait!'' He brought both hands to the piece of steel supporting the headrest. It took a few seconds for his vision to adjust to the pitch inside the vehicle, and meanwhile he was digging his nails into the leash, pulling it in different directions. Eventually, it began to loosen, and written in blue on the red fabric was a name: Steve.

With the leash in one hand, Patton got out of the car and took a few steps back. Once he had moved far away enough, Janus took the shoelace and lowered the pin again, closing the door and locking it. The two, now three, crossed the parking lot quickly, avoiding running. They opened the back of the truck, and with a few finger snaps above the compartment, the dog jumped in. Now almost at his height and with better lighting, Patton noticed that the collar around his neck also had the colors blue and red. Its pendant consisted of circles in those colors with the addition of white, and in the center, there was the silhouette of a dog's paw.

Steve, he thought. Blue, red and white. The yellowish fur. Steve in reference to Steve Rogers. Captain America.

They turned around, getting into the cab of the car, and with the same agility they had left the diner hours earlier, they were now leaving the parking lot behind.

Janus drove in silence, without a destination in mind.

Patton bowed his head, looking at his white shirt that now contained gray stains that he didn't know how he had gotten.

The drive went on for a few minutes, until, looking out the window, Patton recognized the road they were passing by.

''There's a bridge up ahead.'' he pointed out. ''We could stop and let Steve drink some water.''

Janus frowned, glancing at the back of the car.

''Steve?''

Patton nodded.

''It's on his leash.''

They arrived at the mostly deserted spot. Janus stopped the pickup truck above the bridge, and Patton was the first to get out, pushing his sneakers against the cold, polished stone floor. He went to the back of the car, opening the cargo bed and letting the dog out. With the leash in hand, they went around the bridge and down a small slope beside the architectural support that consisted of sand and brush, approaching the river of running water below. Steve immediately went towards the water and, as expected, began to drink. Patton let go of his leash and sat down on the ground, putting the laces back on his sneakers, listening to the engine of the truck still running.

The wind echoed in his ears, and he regretted not having zipped up his jacket when he first thought of it. The bridge, as well as its edges, were lit only by the weak grayish light of the moon above them. In the navy blue sky, tiny dots flickered and a few clouds were lurking. Patton watched the surrounding flora, high enough to be at his knee height, and hoped that no animals would appear. Most people would worry about snakes in an environment like this, maybe frogs because it was near water, but Patton's biggest concern was spiders. To his right, at a higher level, the rocky bridge cast a shadow over him.

The roar of the engine stopped and footsteps approached.

''Partners in crime?'' he asked in a drawling tone of voice.

Patton let out a sharp cry and turned back, seeing Janus standing a little above him, arms crossed. He stood erect, and his plaid scarf swayed gently in the wind, which in the poor lighting made him look more like a mysterious silhouette than a human being.

''What?''

''Partners in crime. '' He repeated and shrugged. ''You stole a dog.''

''I didn't steal a dog.'' Patton defended himself, standing up and brushing the sand out of his pants. ''I just... took it for a walk.''

''Without asking the owner or even knowing him?'' Janus squinted his eyes.

''I just...'' he stammered. ''Yes!''

''No, you stole a dog.''

''You stole a dog!''

''I stole a car, that's different.'' Janus waved one hand. ''It was your idea.''

''You opened the car.''

''Okay, we did it together, whatever. It's still a crime just the same.''

''No, it was for a good reason! He was in the heat, I just wanted to get him out of there!'' Patton slurred his words, pointing at Steve behind him.

''I never said it wasn't for a good reason. That's not my point.'' Janus looked at Patton and smiled briefly. ''We're alike. Isn't that what you wanted?''

Patton looked at him and remembered the two questionable attributes that were on his mental list of things he knew for sure about Janus. Thief. Liar.

''No, we're not. We have nothing in common!''

''Wrong. We have philosophy and theft.'' Janus went down the small sand hill, stopping in front of Patton.

''No, only bad people steal!''

Janus brought one hand to his chest, pretending to be offended.

''Patton! What about the people who live on the street and steal to survive?''

He opened his mouth, ready to retort, but no words came. After a moment, he resumed, denying with his head:

''No. No, that's not what I meant. No, that's enough.'' Patton moved his arms from side to side in front of him. ''We'll come back, we'll return the dog, and we'll return the car, okay?''

''Oh, please...'' Janus started, but Patton turned his back on him, approaching the riverbank and stopping near Steve.

Patton's idea of going back and returning the collected belongings without permission was ridiculous, to say the least. Especially considering that they had managed to leave the situations behind without major consequences. There was no point in denying the obvious — that crimes had been committed — and Janus didn't really understand why Patton insisted on doing that. With his eyes half-closed, he watched Patton and thought. Patton also insisted on the statement that stealing made you a bad person; committing crimes made you a bad person. Janus knew that things were not that easy, as black and white. And it suddenly occurred to him that maybe Patton didn't know that.

The icy evening wind ruffled their ears and crickets began to echo around them, and Janus let the room be filled with the sounds of nature as he thought.

''Would you agree with Jean-Jacques Rousseau when he said that man is good and society corrupts him?'' He asked, pronouncing the words slowly and clearly.

Patton looked at him over his shoulder.

''I don't know. Maybe?''

After a moment, he continued:

''And would you agree with Thomas Hobbes when he said that man is essentially evil?''

''Would you?'' Patton asked him, his worried look gradually softening.

Janus took a few steps and stopped beside Patton, staring at Steve as he drank the water.

''No, not with either of them.'' Janus turned to him, his colorful eyes in a state of serenity. ''Psychology, philosophy, anthropology, all these fields have the human being and its existence as their focus of study. Ever since we existed, we have been trying to find the answers to these same questions. Are we good? Are we bad? Why are we here? And these areas are still relevant today because we don't have a yes or no answer. Because after centuries of investigation, we have come to the conclusion that humanity is complex. It is to be expected that these questions will have complicated answers, if such answers ever exist. No one is inherently good or bad entirely, Patton. You can steal and still be a good person. It just depends on how you see yourself.''

Patton nodded, muttering something incomprehensible. Quickly, Janus continued:

''But you know... if you really want to know if you're a ''bad'' person...'' Janus offered his hand to him, the yellow glove standing out in the darkness. ''We can find out together.''

Silently, Patton smiled softly and took Janus's hand.

On the floor, Steve turned toward them. He shook himself, causing water splashing from his beard to hit the two men next to him. Janus protested, complaining, but Patton didn't much care.

''Can we go now?''

Patton leaned forward, taking Steve's leash, and the trio returned to the bridge and the car above them.

''What is the next stop?'' Patton asked.

''I don't know," Janus shrugged. ''Do you want me to drive you home?''

''I'd like to, but...'' Patton glanced at the back of the car. Behind Janus, Steve's mouth was open and the wind was against his golden hair. ''I'm not sure how I'm going to get in with a dog that size.''

Of course, getting home was not exactly the problem. The problem would be how to justify to the neighbors why he had an adult golden retriever with him, in case someone saw him.

Janus remained silent, searching for a solution. Patton picked up his cell phone, pressed his fingers against the screen a few times, and moments later, announced:

''There is a hotel nearby that accepts dogs. The Sandman Inn.''

''Yes, but do they accept large dogs?''

Patton swiped at the cell phone screen.

''Yes, they do. It's not too far away.''

Janus agreed, ready to follow the GPS directions, when Patton grabbed his arm.

''Wait!''

''What?''

''There's a supermarket here!'' Patton pointed, and across the street, a large sign with its lights on indicated the store was open.  ''Let's stop here. It's gonna be just a minute.''

''What for?'' Janus asked, already turning the car around.

''To buy things!'' Patton simply said. When they pulled into the parking lot, Patton got out of the car, but Janus didn't move. ''Aren't you coming?''

''No. You can go.''

''Okay.'' Patton agreed and quickly drove away, approaching the doors that opened automatically for him.

Patton took a basket from the stack next to the door, and walked through the aisles occupied only by merchandise. The cleaning products section was the closest, and he walked through an aisle that contained fabric softeners and clothes nails.

Lawyer. Thief. Charming. Liar, it echoed through his mind, and Patton wondered what answer he would provide when Virgil asked him if he liked Janus.

He turned right, now passing through a corridor that contained brooms and insecticides.

Technically, their date had been extended for the rest of the day. Technically.

Patton glanced at the products in other aisles as he walked in front of them. Pasta. Canned goods and seasonings. Dairy products. Frozen foods.

Would he want a second date? Assuming they didn't get caught for the thefts, of course.

Patton entered an aisle of children's birthday party supplies.

But as Janus himself had said, not all people who did things that were considered bad were really bad. The case of the homeless people was a good example.

He took a card with colored candles and put it in the basket.

This line of reasoning would work for Janus as well as for him.

Patton took a few steps forward and picked up plastic plates and cutlery, adding them to the basket so that they would keep the candles company.

So... it was all relative, really. Janus had kind of explained that too.

Patton returned to the frozen food aisle. He ignored the large transparent doors that displayed ice cream of the most diverse brands and flavors. He stopped in front of a large booth displaying ready-made cakes, and chose one whose frosting consisted of granules and cherries, and placed it in the basket.

There was a decision to be made.

When Patton came out of the supermarket with a shopping bag in his hand, Janus was leaning outside the car, petting Steve.

''Ready?''

''Ready. We're good to go.'' Patton confirmed, smiling.

Once again, they returned to the cab of the truck and went on their way.

The Sandman Inn was open twenty-four hours a day.

It was a clean and quiet place, and the carpeting in the lobby was red and gold.

They checked in, and the employee handed them the key to Room 9E, with two beds.

Janus and Patton stepped into the elevator. Steve's leash in one hand, the keys to pickup the truck in the other, the shopping ecobags on their shoulders, and the grocery bag in the other hand.

Arriving in the bedroom, they left both bags with clothes on the bed. Janus removed Steve's leash, and Steve began sniffing around the room. Patton approached a small table that was in front of the beds and put his bag on top of it, removing the groceries one by one. He removed the plastic cover from the cake and placed it in the center of the table, opening the carton of colorful candles.

''Can you turn off the light?'' he asked, and a little hesitantly, Janus did so. Outside, the grayish moon produced a faint beam of light that invaded the room through the window, preventing them from being completely in the dark.

Patton sat down in one of the chairs, and Janus removed his hat and joined him on the other side. Steve also joined them, lying down at Patton's feet.

At the cashier, Patton had picked up a box of matches at the last minute. He had spread four of the colorful candles on the edge closest to Janus, and was now lighting them.

''So,'' Janus began, with a terrible posture in his seat. Strands of his dark brown hair fell over one of his eyes. ''I suppose we'll be saying goodbye to each other in the morning?''

Patton smiled quietly, placing the rest of the candles at the end closest to him.

''No, I don't think so.''

Janus squinted his eyes. He leaned forward and, with one breath, blew out the candles that were lit. Immediately, Patton began to light the ones he had positioned last.

''I'm down for a second date, actually.'' He explained, his gaze focused on the wax and the fire. ''I think there's more about you that I don't know.''

''I do cosplay, if that's what you want to know.'' Janus looked away, crossing one leg over the other.

Patton stopped where he was and laughed, making a mental note to return to this subject later.

''It was you who suggested that we find out if we are bad people together.'' he said, finishing lighting the candles.

They both stared at each other for a brief moment, before Janus asked, in his usual lazy tone:

''I'm stuck with you now, aren't I?''

Patton propped both elbows horizontally on the table. He looked at his cell phone beside him, and the 11:59 on the lock screen turned into 00:00, accompanied by the date May 1.

It was midnight.

It was his birthday.

It was their birthday.

''Happy birthday, Janus.''

Janus lifted the corners of his mouth minimally, just enough to go unnoticed.

''Happy birthday, Patton.''

And Patton blew out the candles, leaving them in the dark.

[jaskiersvalley]

Art From Ashes

So @dirtydancyart and I were talking about the world they created in which Eskel is a biker, Geralt got involved with Emhyr in some underground shady stuff. Then I came along with this in which Cahir is technically Emhyr’s enforcer but keeps getting mistaken for Ciri’s nanny. Long story short, we wanted some hurt/comfort, some Cahir getting kidnapped and hurt, some Eskel coming to the rescue like a badass. Thus, here we are.

CW: Torture, blood, injuries.

Things had been going surprisingly well after that initial meeting. Eskel had apologised profusely for mistaking Cahir for a decorator. And then for putting his foot even more in it by thinking he was Ciri’s babysitter. For not such an auspicious start, he and Cahir actually got along alarmingly well. Not that they had ever told anyone, officially Nilfgaard and the Wolves were still not openly allies so they had to toe the line. That didn’t stop them from seeing each other or from quietly falling in love. They didn’t need grand declarations or even tokens of affection. For them, it was enough that if Cahir came home late and with blood in his hair, Eskel would wash it out for him with tender touches. By the same token, if Eskel had a run to do, he often found himself with a packed lunch on the passenger seat and a little post it with a smiley face on it. It was more than enough for them, knowing without ever saying anything. After all, if they didn’t say it, they had plausible deniability.

It did however mean trying to be a little more secretive. The nights they spent together were marred by the fact they couldn’t leave at the same time so there were no goodbye kisses on the porch or standing by bikes. That had been another flustering moment in Eskel’s life, discovering that Cahir had a bike in his garage. It was sleek, black and as quiet as a bike could come. Plus terrifyingly fast. Cahir had taken him out to a track just the once and Eskel almost had a heart attack - which was rich coming from someone who would happily rev his way down any stretch of road as soon as it was clear.

Another morning meant Eskel had to leave before the rest of the neighbourhood was up. The sun was already shining through the window and he’d kissed Cahir goodbye. Stepping out into the hallway, Eskel sighed and turned to get going. However, he couldn’t resist one final peek through the half open door. A smile twitched his lips as he watched Cahir rummaging for a t-shirt, bare skin on display. It was quite the sight and Eskel sighed, eyes tracing over the phoenix that spread over Cahir’s back, tail and flames dipping down below the waistband of his slacks. Eskel’s breath hitched when, rather than the shirt being pulled on, Cahir’s hands dropped to his flies and his trousers were slowly pushed down to reveal the rest of the tattoo that Eskel did so dearly love to trace with fingers and lips. Confused, eyes flitted up and Eskel’s gaze met Cahir’s in a mirror. A knowing smirk had him blushing which only deepened as Cahir’s finger traced the tattoo along his collarbone before stopping at the flame that licked at his throat, dipping to run over the Nilfgaardian sun that usually lay just about hidden under the top button of his shirts. A wink and a kiss blown at him had Eskel leaving with a smile and a spring in his step.

They weren’t due to see each other for a couple of days. However, the messages Eskel sent Cahir remained unanswered even though they were sporadically marked as read. Worry began to creep into Eskel’s days as the silence stretched on. It was only through Geralt that he learned something was amiss. Emhyr’s daughter had been attacked. While she had been whisked away to safety, someone else had been snatched.

[Who are you and what have you done with him?]

The message he sent to Cahir’s phone was read and, magically, three dots appeared as a reply was typed out.

[Seems the wolf is involved after all. Lies cannot go unpunished.]

Rage flushed through Eskel. Usually he was so good at keeping his emotions in check but his rash actions had caused Cahir problems. He didn’t even want to imagine what kind of punishment his captors would deliver. Throat tight, Eskel’s phone went sailing through the air and bounced off the wall. Searching the news brought nothing up. Of course Nilfgaard wouldn’t go public if one of theirs went missing. Those lower on the totem pole weren’t worth the effort while those higher didn’t want the authorities searching for them. Eskel’s own contacts didn’t bring in much information over the course of the next day. Time was of the essence and he was no closer to finding Cahir. So he did the unimaginable.

“Geralt. We have to talk.”

Thankfully, there wasn’t much need for words. Geralt sighed and shook his head.

“Should have known.” That was all the acknowledgement that there was. “Filavandrel’s men have him.”

That was serious. Worse than expected. Eskel had heard of what those who ran with Filavandrel could do so he began packing heavily for his rescue attempt. What he didn’t expect was for Lambert to silently step into the room and begin arming up. When Geralt did the same too, Eskel gave them incredulous looks.

“You’re not going in alone. We hunt in packs, remember?”

Armed to the teeth, they were on their way. For a change they took Roach, Geralt’s trusty SUV that had seen more blood than most cars. However, they didn’t know what condition Cahir would be in, probably not well enough to hold on for a bike ride. He’d been in Filavandrel’s not so tender care for three days, they were going to be lucky if he survived.

Storming the house Cahir had been kept in was oddly anticlimactic. It was in a quiet suburb and the house naturally had a basement. Well, it wasn’t so quiet as they walked in through the broken down door and shot anyone on sight. Eskel gave thanks for the invention of silencers as he indiscriminately disposed of another scumbag.

Going down the stairs was difficult. It was undoubtedly where Cahir was but Eskel dreaded that they would find. The smell of burned flesh hit them before they saw anything and Lambert swore. There were a few more people in the basement but the wolves were quick to dispatch them. Well, Lambert and Geralt did, Eskel was rooted to the spot as he caught sight of Cahir.

Strung up by his wrists and hoisted so his toes barely touched the ground, his shoulders were strained each time his legs gave out or slipped in the blood on the floor. There was no way to relax in the position and if Cahir’s head fell forward, his breathing turned to a strained rasp. He had his back to the entrance and Eskel could have cried at the sight, the beautiful phoenix tattoo was all but shredded as a whip had torn the skin to strips. Seeing Cahir struggle to get back on his toes, Eskel jerked into motion. Rounding Cahir, he wrapped an arm around his narrow waist and lifted as gently as he could. That earned him a soft, hoarse cry and apologies dripped from Eskel’s lips.

With Cahir in his arms, it was easier to assess the damage. Geralt was next to Eskel while Lambert guarded the door. Their first look didn’t paint a pretty picture. Aside from the oozing lashes on his back, most of Cahir’s tattoos had been destroyed. Deep cuts ran along his collarbones, slicing up the patterns in a mockery of symmetry. There were strips of skin peeled from his ribs where Eskel had liked to trace his fingers over patterns and dates. Worst was probably the Nilfgaardian star. It had been doused in something and probably set on fire judging by the deep, openly weeping patch and the blisters along Cahir’s neck and chin.

“Nenneke. Now.” Geralt barked and wasted no time in helping Eskel pick Cahir up. As Lambert led the way out, Geralt brought up the rear. They’d run extractions all too often so had this kind of thing down to a tee. In the car, Eskel was in the back, holding Cahir and trying to keep pressure off his multiple injuries. With nothing else to do, he could catalogue all the injuries they had missed before - the dark bruising around Cahir’s throat, scrapes to his knuckles from where he undoubtedly fought back, a puncture mark to the crook of his elbow. Who knew what his captors had shot him up with.

Arriving at Nenneke’s, Cahir was taken from Eskel’s arms and whisked away. He wasn’t allowed to see him for almost a whole day but at least he wasn’t chased from the building. Geralt disappeared, probably to talk to Emhyr but Lambert stayed, made sure they ate and drank while they waited. At long last Eskel was allowed to sit with Cahir in his room. For now, he was sedated to help keep him pain free, There were pillows either side of him to stop him from rolling onto his front or his back and an IV dripped steady from a stand.

It was another day before Cahir stirred, eyes opening and struggling to focus. His first words almost broke Eskel’s heart.

“You shouldn’t be here.” His voice was so strained, no doubt the hand shaped bruises on his throat did some damage deeper than the skin. “I shouldn’t be here.”

Cahir slipped back to sleep shortly after that, Eskel’s apologies and promises that he was safe lost as the world span into darkness.

When Geralt returned, it was only to beckon Eskel with him. They had business to sort and Emhyr had a proposition. With backing from Nilfgaard, the wolves went after Filavandrel. They weren’t stupid enough to outright kill him. But they certainly weakened his stance. Viciously indiscriminate, the wolves burned through his network, scorching the earth. Once done, there was just one thing left to do.

By the time Cahir was coherent and out of the danger zone, Eskel was back by his side. His hand was covered in clingfilm and it was something Cahir noted almost immediately.

“Let me show you,” Eskel murmured, all too aware of how quiet the room was. He already felt he filled more than his fair share of it with his bulk, it didn’t need his voice booming through it too. Carefully, he unwrapped his hand to reveal a Nilfgaardian sun. “For the one you lost. It’s a fealty exchange.”

From his pocket, he pulled a wolf medallion and offered it to Cahir. The wolves and Nilfgaard were united now and they were the guarantee of their continued cooperation. Somehow, Eskel didn’t think that was a bad thing by any means. Especially not when it meant he could freely love Cahir exactly as he deserved.

[mini-moongi]

For Rent || Jin

Genre: Fluff, angst, comedy(?), Jin x asexual!reader

Warnings: mentions sexy times and multiple funky fresh sex themes but no actual frisky actions cause I ain’t about that,,

Summary: Bts is a line of men who can be rented for various sexual activities. One night, Kim Seokjin hits the jackpot of being rented for a whole month. When he shows up with all of his “gear”, the last thing he expects is to become a live-in fiancé with a girl who isn’t into sex.

This is a Fem!reader 

A/N: This was supposed to be a quick oneshot drabble, but it’s 3.6k words..... anyways, Happy Birthday @ahgassok​ !! this is for you :)

────── ☽. ✧₊∘ ──────

Seokjin get’s called into the office after his latest gig. He walks in, still dressed up in a suit and tie because his client requested it, and takes a seat across from his boss.

 “Seokjin, you’re really moving up the ladder these days, aren’t you?” His boss smiles warmly at all of the attention Jin has been getting. Seokjin does have to admit though, he wasn’t a popular choice on the roster when he first joined, but that doesn’t quite mean his ranks have been smooth sailing either. “I have very exciting news for you, kid.”

“What is it, Boss?” Seokjin questions. This could go in two very different directions. He was either getting promoted, or he was being sold to a bigger company. 

“A client wants to rent you out for a whole month.” The big boss man is beaming to high heavens when he announces it to Seokjin. Jin’s eyes widen at the thought of someone wanting him for a whole month, let alone the sheer thought of how much that costed them was enough to send shivers down his spine. 

“...what?” Jin responds as an afterthought. Most people would rent by the hour with him. This was the most common and usual source of income; Clients want a one night with no guilty conscience of the other party, and that was fine. Being rented for a few days or even a week, however, was a big deal within the group. Seokjin hadn’t ever had a client for a whole week, but his much more popular and younger coworkers had. He remembers the story Jungkook told him about being rented out to a sorority group for a week, and then being called back by them for another fun weekend in Miami.

But being rented for a whole month? And it wasn’t an already existing client, it was someone entirely new to him. The Head Honcho gives him a rundown of company manners, and Jin can only nod dumbly as he tries to soak up all of the new information. He receives the client’s list of likes and dislikes, and in a blink of an eye, he finds himself walking back out the way he came.

Taehyung is the first to approach him; it’s the next day when Jin is packing all of his clothes from the company dorms. “I heard the big news, Hyung!” Taehyung exclaims. Out of all of the members, Taehyung was the only one who’d get rented out by the months. People requested odd jobs from him. Once, he got called in to model for a magazine company and then have sex immediately afterwords with the manager. “I’m so proud,” Taehyung feigns a sob-like expression,” My Kim Seokjin is finally getting the kind of work he deserves.”

“How do you do it, Taehyung?” Seokjin continues to fold his clothes neatly into a suitcase. “I don’t even know who I’m going to be spending all of this time with. What if.. what if they turn out to be some secret trafficking network? What if I get thrown into an underground mafia cult?”

“You’ll be fine,” He pats Jin on the shoulder. “Our company holds strict regulations and runs background checks on every client. I do admit, though,” Taehyung lulls his head to one side,” clients like these are always unpredictable.”

A good night’s rest and suddenly he finds himself standing in front of the client’s door. He didn’t really know what kinds of sex toys to pack since their form was answered in the most unconventional way possible. Instead of a list of kinks and turn ons, there were written-in answers, so he only knew that she:

1. really enjoyed baking, but isn’t very good at it. He wasn’t sure if this person had a sweets kink or something, but he wasn’t going to complain about whipped cream foreplay. 

2. liked a more domestic approach to love. Want’s to be called Love, Honey, sweetie, baby, etc.

and that was it. Other than her name, age, and birthday, that was it. It did say that she wasn’t a virgin, but maybe she wanted to have the “first time” experience with someone again? Jin decided to pack more normal toys, vibrators, dildos, condoms, and whatnot. Taking a deep breath, he knocks on the door.

When it opens, he sees the girl from the profile picture he was given. The reality was closing in on him that he was really going to spend a month with her. “..uh, hello, my name is Kim Seokjin, and I--” He’s caught off guard when she wordlessly takes his hand and gently pulls him inside.

Her home is relatively small, but it’s so minimalistic and clean that it looks like it came straight out of ikea. “Your profile said that you majored in acting, right?” his client asks him, and he’s suddenly scrambling to make a good impression.

“Yeah, I... I was an acting major.” He smiles at her.

She doesn’t say anything else, so he comes up to the kitchen island. Jin watches as she busies herself in the kitchen, making a milk tea of sorts. Your initial impression on him was calm and collected: you seemed neat and organized like your living space. What he notices however, is the way her hands are trembling ever so slightly as she pours the drink into two glasses. He realizes that even as sweet and pretty as she was, there wasn’t a smile. You were biting the inside of your cheek, and trying to take subtle deep breaths.

“Your name is y/n, right?” He waits for you to nod before he continues. “I don’t want to overstep any boundaries here, but,” Jin looks into y/n’s eyes,”....is there something bothering you?”

Immediately, the illusion that y/n worked really hard on started to crumble. All of the composure she had completely left her body in one shaky sigh. “I’m.. I’m so sorry I have to drag you into this.” She slides him one of the drinks as she perches herself on a nearby stool. “I know you’re supposed to be like my sexy fun time man, but I’m ace, so that’s kind of out of the question.” Y/n stares into her cup as if it was the most interesting thing in the world.

“....Then why am I here?” Jin wonders aloud. He doesn’t mind the fact that you’re not into intercourse like he is, but then again, doing the do is kind of his job.

“My dad,” y/n swallows the lump forming in her throat. “he’s started bothering me with questions about my love life. I felt bad, being in my late twenties and all, so I told him that I was engaged. Last week, he told me he wanted to meet my fiancé and that he was going to stay here for a few weeks starting next week.”

Jin stares at her in disbelief, what has he gotten himself into? “And you’re telling me that I’m.... I’m the fiancé?” 

A dry laugh escapes her lips, and if it weren’t for the absurdity of the situation, Jin would tell her how pretty she was. “Yeah,” She looks at him, finally letting herself take in his features. An oversized hoodie was draped over his large body with black ripped skinny jeans hugging his legs for dear life. There isn’t a hint of anger written on his face, only a comforting (albeit a little shocked) smile. “My dad owns a pretty big company, and he recently had a near death experience. Ever since then, everyone’s been breathing down my neck making sure I was stable in every way possible. And I mean every single fucking way. ”

“Why?” Jin quips. He takes a sip out of her concoction, praying that she didn’t slip him a drug of any sort. Holy shit, it was the best thing he ever came across since discovering Jungkook’s fursona. It takes everything in him to not make some weird howl of pleasure at the utter euphoria his tastebuds were experiencing.

“So, when he inevitably passes,” she grimaces,” I’ll be able to take over. I love my old man, and I was hoping that he could retire before I see him drop dead in the middle of his office one day. He always tells me it’s harder to fall in love after people learn about what position you’re in. Hence this weird must-already-have-a-fiancé rule.” A smile barely ghosts her lips before she takes a sip of her drink,” Sorry; I’ll understand if you don’t want to have anything to do with my soap opera-esque situation.”

He quietly sips his drink, lost in this pool of new information. Surprisingly, he’s been calm this whole entire time. If he’d been thrusted into this situation years ago, he’d have flipped out in a not so good way. Thank god he found his big boy pants before this; he genuinely wanted to help y/n. She seemed to be really considerate, and he wanted to stay. At the very least, she’d probably be able to make a killer margarita with drink skills like these. “Out of the whole line-up, why’d you choose me?”

She’s stunned for a moment before replying,”Why wouldn’t I?”

“It’s just,” Jin swirls the drink with his straw,” I’m sure I wasn’t the first name to pop up on our page.”

“Oh,” Y/n tucks a strand of hair behind her ear. A light blush sweeps across her cheeks, and she clears her throat. “..Is it weird you somehow fit my ideal type? I guess if I had to pick something, it’d be the way you smile.”

The reply was so simple, and yet it struck a chord with him. Usually when he asks, they say they like his plump lips or his feet, and if he was unlucky enough, they’d tell him he was convenient. Jin chuckles,” Y/n, are you trying to flirt with me? I’m already yours, but knock yourself out, baby.”

The first few days were awkward, to say the least. Jin on the job, but not doing his job, was hard to get used to. He’d often wake up and wonder where he was, only to remember the agreement he made days ago that started it all. This morning was much like the other ones: brief seconds of confusion followed by acceptance. Y/n’s house was nice, but after his conversation, she grew a little distant; the house felt emptier when she didn’t talk to him.

Jin rolls out of his bed, and trudged into the kitchen. This morning, he woke up earlier than her. Deciding that if he was hired to be a fiancé, he was going to be the best damned fiancé that she’d ever have. 

That morning was different from your usual mornings. You woke up to a sweet smell lingering in the air. In the early morning haze, you half dress yourself and wander into the kitchen area. The low sizzle of the pan greeted your ears, and Jin’s broad shoulders stood hunched over the stove. He notices your presence, and turns around with a smile, the pan still in his hands. 

“Good morning, sweetheart.” He says.

“...good morning?” Your brain is still trying to wake up and process what’s happening. “Am I dreaming right now?”

The response is just lighthearted chuckle. “I’ve made pancakes, do you want some?”

You nod without hesitation. The smell had your mouth watering, and the thought of its taste was like music to your ears. He slides a plate in front of you and pulls the syrup from the fridge. You both dig in, savoring the fluffy taste of pancakes. 

“You know, I’ve got to ask,” Seokjin starts,” what about the rings? We’re supposed to wear some, right?”

If you weren’t awake earlier, that question really woke your stupor. “oh.” was all that came out of you for a painfully long time. “...So you’re really okay with this?”

“It might be the weirdest job I’ve taken on, but yeah. I’m ready to fuck around if you are--- but not literally, I promise. I know how to keep my dick in my pants.” He laughs.

You’re relieved that he’s actually okay with this. The past few days, you were waiting for your proposition to sink in and see him leave whilst waving around a middle finger in the air. A breath you’ve been holding in finally came out. “Okay, I’ll go get the rings. I’ll be back in a sec.”

When you return, he’s still sitting there at the counter, patiently waiting for you. A part of you wished your past lovers were like this in real life: someone who’s this patient and kind can only be bought, you suppose. You open up the velvet box, revealing the two rings that were a part of your elaborate plan. 

“May I?” Seokjin breathes out. You nod and watch him carefully pick up the ring meant for you. He stifles a laugh and clears his throat. “Miss Y/n L/n, will you marry me for like, a month?”

“Yeah,” you smile. He slips the ring onto your finger, feeling the cool metal against your skin. It’s shiny and beautiful; it’s the perfect wedding ring. Of course, you did pick it out yourself and vividly recalling sweating bullets when asked any questions regarding your marriage. 

You pick up his ring and giggle a little to yourself; by Monday, you’d have to play the biggest game of pretend in your life. “Mr. Kim Seokjin, will you marry me for a month?” He gasps and fakes a shedded tear.

“I thought you’d never ask.”

------

You go on multiple dates and try to fabricate your story before Monday arrives. He’s much funnier than you anticipated him being, and he’s really good company to be around. “I almost choked Jimin out for not cleaning my fucking dildos. Like, who does that to a guy who lets you borrow them in the first place?” 

Your stomach hurts so bad from how much you’re laughing. Shrek 2 is playing, but it’s long forgotten as it turns into background noise. Jin relays his very bad experiences on the job, and his stories are so outlandish that you sometimes question the validity of it. “Are you kidding me? Remind me to never let him borrow my socks. I don’t trust him after everything you’ve told me.” 

Jin his desperately holding back his laughter, but the dam breaks soon enough. Monday morning arrives, and exactly at 10 in the morning, the doorbell rings. You make eye contact with Jin,”It’s show time.” You whisper.

You open the door and greet your father. “Y/n! I’ve missed you so much,” he hugs you closer than before, and you can’t help but smile at your dad’s affection. 

“Dad, this is my fiancé that I’ve told you about, his name is Kim Seokjin.” You watch as your old man’s face lights up, and he eagerly rushes over to him. Your father takes JIn’s hand in his and shakes it with enthusiasm. “You’ll have plenty of time to say hello.” You giggle.

After you and Jin get your father’s things settled into the guest bedroom, everything starts to sink in a little too well. Earlier you agreed that it’d “be weird if you didn’t sleep in the same bed together” and so, all of Jin’s items moved into your room, sex tools included. “What should we do about dinner? I feel like it might get weird at the table together.” He whisper-yells to you. Fear gripped onto his body,”What if I accidentally talk about Yoongi’s butt plug accident?”

It takes everything in you to not bust out in giggles right there in the guest room. “You’ll be fine, Jin,” You set the last of his things by the bedside table. “Just please, watch your mouth.”

Just as you both suspected, dinner was very awkward. “So, how did you meet my daughter?” Your dad asks as he picks away at his food.

“Oh, uh,” Jin glances over at you. There was no way to really know what you were thinking, but a subtle thumbs up soothed his worries a little. “We met at a mutual friend’s party. Yeah,” he smiles,” It was at Namjoon’s book club celebration when we first met.”

“You should’ve seen it dad. I’d have never thought that book clubs were so wild before,” you absolutely sell it to the big guy. Your elaborate stories and too accurate to be fake details worked. 

The rest of dinner went smoothly, in fact, the rest of your dad’s stay was absolutely fucking perfect. Jin was able to use his PG 13 humor (re: dad puns) and fortunately, your dad likes stale jokes. Everything was going great, and you’d even convinced your dad that retirement was a good idea.... that is, until today.

“....but didn’t you say that you met at a book club?”

You looked over at Jin like a deer caught in the headlights. Crap, you just told that you two met online. Jin notices your panicked expression. If this mission fails, Jin will have been royally fucked sideways like a sock puppet. “We first talked online, but we met in person during the book club meeting!!” He stammers out.

The tension built up inside of you faded away, and you make a note to remind yourself to tell Jin how big-brained he is. You don’t really know what’s happened to you and Jin, but all morning there have been slip-up after slip-up after slip-up. (after yet another slip-up.) 

Your father isn’t fully convinced though, and you fear that he’s caught on. “...I don’t know if I believe you right now.” uh oh. He squints at the two of you as you both sweat profusely with nervous smiles upon your faces. “Seokjin, why do you want to marry my daughter?”

Jin looks at you, but your dad keeps pressing on. “How can I be sure that you love her, and this isn’t some big ruse to run away with all of our money? I can see that y/n loves you to death, but for some unknown reason,” He stops to cross his arms. “I just feel like there’s something you’re not telling me. I don’t want to have to do a background check on you, so your best bet is to come clean.”

Jin takes a deep breath. “Sir, with all due respect, I think that if we told you how we’d actually met, you wouldn’t take our relationship seriously. I love y/n, I love her absolutely to the moon and back.” Jin grabs your hand firmly in his and gives it a gently squeeze. He looks at you and the soothing words part from his lips. “Even after you fly back home, I plan to spend my life with her, regardless of what you say.”

At this point you’re not sure where he’s going with this. The longer he talks, the more it sounds like the words are directed at you. “The truth is, we aren’t really married.” Jin looks back at your dad, who furrows his brow at the complex lie he was told the past month. “--But if this is what it’s like to be married to y/n, I think it might actually happen.”

“What? Jin I--” You’re unbelievably shocked. He just revealed to your dad that no, sorry pops, your only child isn’t married to a super cool guy. The possibility of actually being married to Jin perplexed you, though. Is this still the actor in him talking, or is he saying the truth? 

“Look,” your father sighs,” I don’t know what situation you’ve put yourself in to pretend you’re married, but damn it all to hell if you don’t actually marry this boy.” Your dad breaks out into a grin, signifying that Jin has passed the test. “If you don’t make him my son-in-law, I’ll find a way to do it myself.”

You’re still paralyzed as you watch your dad engulf Seokjin in a hug. Your dad looks happy to have met Seokjin, and vise versa. They get along better than peas in a pod, you realized. When this mission is over though, will you ever see Jin again? Already you’ve begun to miss his laughter. The way he sings in the shower, the way he pushes up his glasses while he’s reading, the way he says I love you; you’re going to miss it. All of it.

Like a final curtain call, the deal is over. You hand Seokjin an envelope containing the cash you owe him for his service. He takes it, and he places it onto his packed suitcase. Your eyes never leave his figure, and you watch as he gets up to be more leveled with you. “Y/n,” He says. “I meant what I said the other day; we may not be married now, but that doesn’t mean I won’t propose in the future.”

“This is your job talking right?” You laugh, but it lacks the usual give of happiness. “Don’t think it’s going to give you a bonus, hot stuff.”

“I’m serious.” He looks at you tenderly,” I actually really like you, you know. Hoseok regularly fucks a big corporate guy, so I have discounts at every Starbucks location if you wanna go out somewhere.” His thumb glides over the ring on your finger, lost in thought for a moment. “Call me a pool noodle and ride me backwards, but I think I’m going to miss you too much to actually leave.” 

“...Besides, I think the ring on my finger is stuck so--” he drawls out.

You snort in surprise, giggles bubbling from inside of you. Genuine ones this time. “I was going to miss you too, but I won’t have to if you’re not leaving.”

“I never really planned on it, sweetheart.”

────── ☽. ✧₊∘ ──────

A/N: my brain..... ‘tis empty...

[palettepainter]

DO NOT REPOST/EDIT/COPY/TRACE MY ART OR OC!!! Warning to his backstory, mentions of abuse and murder Adding yet another Hazbin Hotel OC to my swarm of other characters, because why not? His backstory is still in the works but I'll dump some ideas I've had for his personality/character/backstory below -Captain Cutthroat hails from Safe Haven, born to a wimpy scullery maid and being born at sea, Cutthroat's (or Kennedy as he was called when he was alive) life has been a rough sail on the sea's from the start. His mother, a small frail looking thing was sold to his father, the captain of a famous fishing crew as a servant/errand girl. His father, a brash, crude leader to a gang or rotten, backstabbing crew of pirates, and his father found a sick liking towards the skittish, pale looking cabin maid. Cutthroat is born out at seas and right after a long hard night at sea through a long storm. Years to follow are filled with back breaking labor given to Cutthroat curtsy of his beloved 'father', all the while he's under the sharp eye of all of his fathers intimidating crew members. Swabbing the deck after the crew had a drunk night of celebrating, washing the laundry, cleaning the dishes after meals - but at least little Cutthroat has his mother, it makes things bearable. Sneaking away scraps of food, managing to weasel his way out of trouble by the skin of his teeth, being made a fool by the crew members while his father barks with laughter along with them. But having his mothers side to cry into, it makes life bearable. -Cutthroat and his mother make their escape from his fathers clutches when Cutthroat is at the brisk age of 16, he's just turned in after he's finished mopping the decks, and overhears his dear old dad gabbling away with another sea captain. His father, not keen to part with his gold, bets his mother. Cutthroat is frozen with fear, anxiously watching and listening through the crack in the door, as the other captain earns himself a win - it is decided, Cutthroats mother would be handed off to him first thing in the morning. Cutthroat has done his best to push the memory of that night from his mind, but that night he was body was shaking worse then a scrawny nobody in a storm as he woke up his mother, and hurriedly made his escape with her in the dead of night. Life on the streets was no better for them, cold nights and days without food left his mother sick and weak, and Cutthroat had to work tooth and nail just to scrape by with savings for food. Lie, cheat, steal, he did it all - the boy had it rough in his young adult days, selling whatever he had on him for whatever coins of gold he could get to care for his mother. Unconsciously he follows in the footsteps of his father, turning to the black market where anything and everything can be sold for cash - if you're clever enough to know the ropes. Cutthroat knew the black market was not the most moral of jobs: trapping and hunting sirens without drowning was rare, but their scales and fins where worth a pretty penny or two. Snaring griffins was a shot in the dark, but their skulls and feathers would pay them enough to live comfortably for half the year. The more magical the creature, the more it was worth - but money is money, and Cutthroat, young and desperate, was prepared to sell soul and left leg for it -His mother, despite suffering from the abuse and mistreat by his father, still tried to guide Cutthroat down a good path, one that wouldn't make him turn out like either of them. She genuinely tried, but in her sick state she couldn't do much, even when at sea she was not the best - she would sometimes forget to feed Cutthroat as a baby, she simply didn't have time, would spend days on end sleeping when Cutthroat was old enough to take the burden of tasks off her shoulders. To wee Cutthroat, his mother was an angel, and you can imagine his distress when his mothers sickness grows worse. She becomes sicker and sicker by the day, every day she's a little weaker, more colour draining from her face. Enraged at his own weakness, Cutthroat takes his mother to the nearest inn, slaps some gold in the owners face, and sets off to sea in search for his father. New at sea he doesn't fair well, he gets lost a lot, nearly gets himself killed a few times, but somehow, through spite and determination (but mostly spite) he tracks down his father. Cutthroat may not be a good sailor, but at the age of 20, he's become pretty darn good at playing his cards right - he's young, his father is old, and the black market has taught Cutthroat the best ways to throw a man off guard. Cutthroat infiltrates his fathers ship, putting up the facade of simple new lad on the ship, and one by one he poisons his fathers crew mates, slowly by surely riding his father of his little lackeys, no one to call for now. Daddy dearest he saves for last, the poison works on him slowly, Cutthroat WANTS his dad to feel every bit of pain. Cutthroat draws out the torture, taking his sweet time to give  back to his dad all the pain he put his mother through - just when his father goes to draw his final breath, he turns to give Cutthroat a pained crooked smirk, spitting blood before he slurs 'just like yer old man, eh boy?' - something within Cutthroat snaps, and he deals the final blow to his father with a knife to the throat (hence his name, Cutthroat) -With revenge done and his old man dead, Cutthroat spills oil upon the deck and sets the boat alight while escaping in one of the emergency boats, his fathers ship burns into the fog, and is left to crumble and rot at sea. Cutthroat, stronger and tougher, returns home, not regretting an ounce of his actions. Returning home to the inn, Cutthroat isn't prepared for the hord of staff and people crowded round his mothers room: There she is, laying in bed, face pale and forehead cold with sweat, bags under her eyes as a doctor tends to her at bedside. Pneumonia, and it's bad. Cutthroat is at his mothers side in a heartbeat, the tears already swelling in his eyes as he grips her hands, they're cold to the touch, and she can barely manage to keep her eyes open to look at him. When the doctor tells him that it is unlikely she was survive the month Cutthroat warns him to shut his trap, when the doctor offers for them to end her suffering humanly, Cutthroat has to hold the urge to throw a lamp. He yells at them to get out, to leave, and to never come near him or his mother again! As soon as the door closes, he breaks, leaning his head gently onto his mother as she weakly rests her hands in his wind swept hair. On top of having to get enough money for food, to pay to stay at the inn, and for whatever medicine he can find to ease the pain for his mother, Cutthroat decides it's time to skip town, he'll get her help elsewhere..They don't make it far, carrying his mother is not hard, years of working on his fathers boat built up his muscles - but the cold is not helping, and even Cutthroat needs rest. The pain is getting worse, his mother is struggling to breath, she's eating less, her coughing is becoming more violent. It takes three days of travelling for Cutthroat to realize the harsh truth, his mother wasn't going to make it, and he'd been putting her through hell by pushing her forward, when all she wanted to do was rest. Cutthroat asks his mother one day if she wants to rest, and his mother replies, barely above a whisper, that she is very, very tired. They both know what has to come next. Cutthroat ends her life, as swift as he can - it hurts him, hurts him so damn much - her death is sadly slow, Cutthroat does not have the power to make it fast and painless, so he cradles her body, his tears dropping onto her face as he howls with sobs, body trembling as she rubs her hands gently over his back one final time. Cutthroat gives her her own burial, in a nice field by the sea, which he knew she loved to look at -Cutthroat, having lost his only true family member, falls back into the ways of his younger, troubled self: he sells on the black market, does illegal trading, hunts down exotic creatures across safe haven and becomes a notorious criminal (the work nullifies the pain from his past, if he just keeps working, he'll forget it). Years later when hunting and trading of exotic creatures is banned in safe haven, that does little to stop Cutthroat, he continues about his way, not shy of getting rid of any lil sneaks that may run the risk of turning him in. Cutthroat eventually dies by a spear to his throat, the aftermath of a little disagreement between Cutthroat and another crew of traders that tried to swindle him of his treasures. It's no surprise to Cutthroat when he ends up in hell, and he makes himself very much at home at Hellside coast: Hellside coast is his turf, he owns that part of town, and even though visitors are scare, he does well to make his reputation known. He is a big dealer on the black market and a local hunter and trader of goods, he charges a high bargain, but is willing to trade for the right valuables. Despite his gruff and his towering height and strength, Cutthroat can be somewhat decent, he's a lil on the snarky side and makes playful jabs at visitors - jabs that often have a darker meaning or jabs that are meant to serve as a warning - 'Swimming eh? Knock yerself out meatbait, just make sure yet rugrats are attending too. All unattended children will be snapped up by a' sea serpent, don't stand a chance against those...HAHA! Lighten up, was just a joke..last year only half as many kids disappeared then usual' -Cutthroat, no matter what, deep deep DEEP down will always have a hidden soft spot for kids - he goes by the motto 'talk shit, get hit', if he sees someone being a prat or more so, sees someone being a prat to a someone who can't defend themselves, this man is quietly lumbering over to break things off, and this man gets violent very quickly when those who are weak are involved. This is mostly because Cutthroat, despite his reputation, understands what its like to be vulnerable and helpless. He claims he is not capable of being soft, but that's a big fat lie -He knows of Pip, and has actually grown fond of the little rats company. Pip came to Hellside coast when he was spending the weekend with his Uncle Angel Dust, he and Iridescence had been playing outside when a turf war broke out in the area they had been playing in. Pip, rightfully afraid, scrambled down to Hellside coast and hid in the first place he saw, inside an empty barrel by the coasts docks. Little Pip is then rightfully terrified and can barely manage to speak when the barrel is rolled onto the ship and the boat pulls out from the harbor. Hours go by, Pip is scared, his small body trembling from the cold. Deep below deck Pip finally manages to crawl out from his barrel, the sea tossing the boat and causing poor Pip to stumble his way along the boat, maybe he could sail back in one of the smaller boats? How far from shore could he be? News flash: Very far. Pip is very nearly tossed over board by the raging waves, until a firm hand grabs him by the scruff and drags him back inside, Cutthroat. Rightfully so Pip pushes himself into the furthest corner from Cutthroat. Cutthroat, rightfully so, tears Pip now with all his yelling and demanding 'What the BLOODY HELL where you thinking?!' - Pip, shaken and scared, soo begins to cry and the sight of Cutthroat and curls in on himself as the boat continues to rock...which is why he is very surprised when Cutthroat offers him a blanket (all be it a smelly one, but it kept him warm), a small meal and some water, and reassures him he'll make a turn around back to the docks as soon as the storm passes. Cutthroat roars with laughter when Pip meakly asks for Cutthroat not to throw him overboard, Cutthroat admits though he could easily toss Pip across the room no sweat, he isn't big on killing a helpless kid: maybe grow up a little first, then the next time you sneak onto his boat he'll toss you over, if that's really what you expect him to do. Pip becomes comfortable very quickly on Cutthroats boat, and Cutthroat quickly becomes annoyed at the boys jabbering and constant questions, as soon as he reaches shore the next day he drops the kid off at the hotel and makes his way back to his boat when he's sure the kid is A-okay at that fancy shmansy hotel. Every visit from that day on Pip visits Hell side coast, some days he'd simply watch Cutthroat do his thing about the docks, other days he'd follow behind him like a lost duckling, completely in awe at seeing a real pirate! Cutthroat is..50/50 with his company, he likes the attention, but he does love his peace and quite, and having a kid constantly chew your ear off made him realize how much he loved his silence in the afternoons, but somehow - he ends up liking the brat -When Pip excitedly told Cutthroat he wanted to be a pirate just like him, Cutthroat stared at him blankly, then replied with a casually: 'Heh, a terrible decision kid' - and told Pip to change his life goals fast. The day in which Cutthroat properly began to care for Pip was the day the little brat came running up to him, tears pouring from his eyes, Cutthroat didn't get a chance to ask what was wrong or scold him for fleeing up onto his ship with his tail between his legs, before two other men dressed in suits come rushing down the path. Cutthroat goes up to his deck to retrieve the boy when the two men approaching his ship, he goes to tell them his business for the day is closed and to come back tomorrow, but freezes when they explain they're looking for a little scruffy haired boy, how his father is looking for him, and demands that Peter be brought home. One scared look from the shivering boy is all Cutthroat needs to tell the two men that he ain't see no boy, and to get lost. Cutthroat couldn't pry all the details from Pip, but he quickly gets the impression that Pip's father, this Castello character, ain't a nice man. Cutthroat knows he's been through some stuff, he ain't the best person to be giving advice, but something about the sad slump in the boys shoulders and his messy untamed hair made him think back to a time when he was like that. From that day fourth, Cutthroat takes the boy under his wing. He asks Pip if he still wants to be a pirate, when Pip sniffles with a weak nod: Cutthroat says lil pipsqueak has a long way to go, ties a red bandage round Pip's shoulders, shrugs, and says that an old sea dog like him will just have to show him the ropes. The way in which Pip's face just lights up, it's hard for Cutthroat to not chuckle at. Pip becomes Cutthroats prodigy, at first, he spent time with the kid in hopes it'd make him feel better, but in the end, he too began to grow to enjoy their time together, his mouth would quirk up into a lazed but happy grin when he saw the pint size running down the beach to greet him, he couldn't help but be smug when Pip failed miserably to reel in an escaped fish from his net (may or may not have had several heart attacks when Pip was nearly swallowed by huge deep sea demonic lobster), can't help but ruffle that messy hair of his, can't help but tease at how utterly tiny Pip is, how terrifying he is for a pirate in training, he's seen scarier goldfish! Cutthroat loves that little brat, and also loves the free adoration and idol like praise Pip gives him. That's all for now! Had a tone of fun drawing this guy so I hope you like him! Cutthroat/Pip/Iridescence - me

[jq37]

The Royal Report– A Crown of Candy Ep 11 In the Mountains of Sweetness

Requiem 

The Rocks family is on the run but they’re also in mourning. As they sail up the Cola River, they stop to do repairs to the ship and pay their respects to Jet at a bright pink hill under a tree--her final resting place.

The remaining kids are in opposite worlds emotionally speaking--Liam is fully sobbing (which we find out later is largely him still being messed up over Preston) while Ruby is hollow and bitter. Amethar (after almost murdering a Jellybean farmer with poor timing who wanders onto the scene) eulogizes about how much Jet taught all of them (including that “to defeat monsters you must become one” which mmm don’t love where his head is at; also, Brennan says he seems to almost have this new sobriety which I think, mechanically, is him having taken a level of Battlemaster Fighter). 

Cara, also a wreck as you’d expect, wonders if Jet died thinking she didn’t love her and wishes Jet would have just listened to her--something that Ruby takes as blaming Jet for her own death, causing her to stalk off. Cara is too in her grief to really react but Theo goes after her. As he does, Cumulous notices that, for a split second, Ruby’s shadow seemed to be out of sync with her actions. But only for a second. 

When Theo catches up to her, Ruby gets really upset and says that she blames her parents, Lazuli, and herself for Jet’s death. Theo says that Jet wouldn’t have blamed her and that she died in battle, like she wanted. Even still, Ruby doesn’t know how she’s going to go on without her. Theo says that he takes comfort in Lazuli’s research and the thought that Jet might not be truly gone. She could be around and protecting them right now. “She was always protecting us,” Ruby says before mind-hopping into Yak and flying above the ship so she doesn’t have to deal with her emotions for the moment.

Once she’s gone, Theo breaks down for a second and then summons Sprinkle...to dismiss him. He tells Sprinkle he’s done a great job but he needs to go back where he came from and have Jet send a new familiar as a sign. Sprinkle tearfully leaves and, almost immediately (which is not how the spell traditionally works btw) a Black Licorice viper shows up which Theo names Princess and which bites him for no reason. Feels right.

Back at the grave-site, Cara starts to walk away but Amethar catches her and leads her back to the ship. They run into Theo and when she sees him with his new familiar, she goes off on him: Oh Jet is watching over us? Who was watching over her? And don’t think I don’t know about your crush on Lazuli. I have one daughter left. You think you can do a better job at protecting her? That kind of thing. She goes to board the ship but Amethar stays behind saying he’ll be with her in a minute, something that made *me* feel like I was about to get chewed out by Amethar’s wife.

Liam remembers that Cal--the traitor--saved Jack and Brie and decides to (as he is wont to do) ask about it in the clumsiest way possible. Jack says that they didn’t meet up with Cal on purpose or anything--they just happened to stumble across him and, now that he thinks about it, it was weirdly easy the way Cal got them through enemy lines and stuff. He seems pretty on the level so Liam does his Ranger thing to check for danger while they’re docked.

Back with Theo and Amethar, Theo says he’s fine so Amethar catches up with Cara and says that she can’t turn on Theo like that. They don’t have a lot of allies left. On a dirty 20 Persuasion check, we are spared the marital spat of a lifetime and instead she just presses herself against him and he brings her into a hug.

Sweet Life on Deck*

*I knew I’d get to use it eventually!

The next day, as they set sail, Cara apologizes to Theo for taking her grief out on him and he’s very gracious about it--also assuring her that he doesn’t hate her for winning Lazuli’s affections as she suggested nor does he have a crush on her--he just strongly believes in her ideals.

Cumulous finds Ruby to have a chat with her about his favorite topic (well second fave after magical items)--death. Ruby says that, with Jet dead, all she cares about is revenge and that she’s dead inside. Cumulous, who clearly doesn’t have Inspiring Speech on his character sheet (or, if he does, learned from Kristen), rambles about death for a bit before saying that though they’ll all die eventually, she doesn’t have to die yet and gives Ruby his necklace from Lazuli. She pockets it and walks away.   

Liam, with his Ranger senses, knows they’re being followed but also knows that they have the jump on them so they shouldn’t have a problem staying ahead. Jack and Amethar have a heart to heart wherein Jack blames himself for spilling the beans about Ghee and Amethar says it’s not his fault. They reaffirm that they’re in it together for the long haul. 

In the night, Liam has an intense dream involving familiar snarling, heat, smoke, chocolate, and cinnamon. Ruby wakes up in the middle of the night with Lazuli’s necklace glowing a little bit. The glow fades and then she notices, like Cumulous did, that her shadow is a little off--but it quickly corrects itself. All messed up, she goes onto the deck and finds that she can suddenly see perfectly in the dark. And, on a Nat 20 Perception check, she sees that the eye of the Lazuli necklace is a little creased, like it has smile lines. It glows brightly and casts her shadow on the wall--except it’s not the shadow she should have. It looks like her except the hair--the hair is in a long braid. Ruby presses her forehead against the forehead of the shadow and finds that it’s warm. And, as she does so, she fully breaks down for the first time since Jet’s death and the shadow does so alongside her. (Mechanically speaking, Ruby took a level of Shadow Sorcerer).

In the morning they dock, having gotten as far up the river as the ship can take them. It’s a long trip to the mountains and Muffinfield--Cal’s territory--is in their path. They have the option to go through the town fully, take the more off the beaten path route, or a little of both but either way it’s gonna take at least a full week (and up to three if they fully avoid the town). They decide to take the hybrid route which takes them into Muffinfield to begin with. It’s a rich province and very Bulbian. Tons of Imperial guards, tons of churches, and, in fact, they see a church putting on one of those puppet show/morality plays. Amethar makes the, mmm, unwise decision to check it out and sees that it’s a play about the Rocks family, depicting him as a horny lout, Cara as an airheaded bimbo, and the twins as feral bastards. Ruby sets the puppets on fire and Amethar hustles her away before she can do something more rash.

After that, they get to the woods--staying for a night with a lady so old and out of touch that she doesn’t even know that Amethar’s dad isn’t king anymore. Theo thanks Liam for saving Jet’s body and they bond over how much rage they have over, like, everything that's happened.

The Gang Gets Scooped

When they get back on the road (with some not so hot stealth checks), they see a little gingerbread guy in a Peter Pan cap who’s trying to pull his friend out from under a rock. Theo, knight to his core, rushes to help but Liam, who’s on the warpath, decides to shoot him. An insane course of action but he’s not wrong because a net captures both Theo and the gingerbread man and this turns out to be an ambush. The “friend” was a doll and the Gingerbread man (Swifty is his name) pulls a lollipop shiv on Theo because of course. When Theo says he’s not pro-Bulb, Swifty calls for Gooey--the chief marauder who is this buff warrior woman with half her face melted (like melted chocolate) like she was badly burned. She and this chocolate viking dude (Jon Bon) discuss whether they should take the group to the queen, which they decide to do, shackling everyone (though Liam and Ruby successfully conceal their thieves' tools in their hands for a later escape). At the mention of the queen, the assembled marauders start chanting “Long live the queen”--harkening back to the mountain gratifi from two episodes ago. They take them to their secret hideout in the mountains while Swifty runs ahead to let them know they’re coming. 

All their captors are Candian but they’re all deformed in some way and/or have old Sucrosi tattoos and Sweetening Path stuff, ears of Ceresians/Vegetanians on necklaces (EARS BRENNAN?), and defiled Bulbian relics. They’re from all over but they seem like they’ve been living this life for years.

The hideout is kinda built into the cliff side and it has this big rock outside like the standing stones the SPF has (menhir is the technical term).  It’s also covered in a layer of snow and very cold. Magical light is glowing as they pass through the entrance. Cumulous can feel very powerful magic at work. There’s a ton of ceremony and fanfare and chanting in advance of the queen’s arrival--these people seem to really love their queen, and so do we because out comes Queen Saccharina Frostwhip aka, Emily’s new character (aka Rina because I’m not typing that every time)! 

She is this extremely cool (in both senses of the word) ice-cream sorcerer with a magic staff (Winterscoop) and two swords and is majorly serving sweet but frosty-cool energy. Liam and Ruby spring everyone from their chains and Rina aggressively sweetly says that she would have freed them soon enough. She calls herself the legal ruler of Candia and when Cara questions that she says that she has another last name: Ghee. Amethar, is like, “Oh shit,” but she says that she’s not here to force a relationship on him, she just thinks they can all be useful to each other, especially since she’s the legal heir as the child of his legal marriage and someone not in open rebellion with the Concord. Theo is like, “That all checks out.” He asks Amethar if this is actually his kid and he sees in Rina Ghee’s eyes and his own swagger. Yeah, that’s his kid. In turn, she recognizes Cumulous as a monk of the Order of the Spinning Star. She, like half the party it feels--is a huge Lazuli stan, can feel her magic on him, and believes in her mission. She says she’s seen Lazuli in her dreams when she was little and Cumulous in her sees someone who can, in a lot of ways, take up Lazuli’s mantle and start rebuilding Candian magic rather than just doing triage like the monks have been. He bows to her. Ruby is not having any of this though and says that Rina isn’t her sister or her queen.

Theo asks Princess if they should trust her--she’s saying all the right things but he’s wary--and gets a bite which tells him nothing.

Ice Feast

Rina, upon being told special guests were coming, had a feast prepared which is described as Robin Hood-y. Amethar is like, “This is cool but the Bulbian church is literally trying to kill us so maybe we focus on that?” Rina says that that works for her. All Amethar has to do is recognize her as his daughter and heir and everything will be square--if the church wants to go after them at that point, they’ll have to break their own rules. Ruby, who’s still being obstinate says that it won’t work because she’s clearly a heretic with an allegiance to the Sweetening Path but Rina says and Jack confirms that as long as you kiss the ring in public, no one really cares what you do on your home turf. 

Ruby accuses her of not knowing what she’s talking about because she’s been hidden away her whole life and Rina shoots back (still smiling) that she’s actually been traveling the world, building her followers from scratch which she had to do because she came from nothing. Amethar (who’s in the, I would have to imagine, pretty novel position of watching his daughters fight) breaks it up. Cara--who fully hates that not only is this happening, it’s also their best shot--takes Ruby with her to have their meal somewhere else and Ruby, who has found someone to hate more than her mom, willingly goes. 

Rina has a sidebar with Amethar where she apologizes for popping up randomly and upsetting his entire family. She always wanted to meet them and she’s sorry that these are the circumstances. Amethar says that it’s not her fault--they’ve just been through a hell of a lot lately and they’re kind of emotionally spent but she’s actually a huge asset to them politically right now and he’s sure that once things are calm, things will be different on the relationship front. 

Ruby can’t believe Cara is taking all of this lying down and Cara (who is full John Mulaney, “This might as well happen,”) says she can’t remember the last time she had a handle on her life which is news to Ruby who thought she *was* the handle. Cara hits her with the unfortunate truth that no one--least of all kings and queens--knows what they’re doing or can really control it. All she can control is what she’s doing next which is having a bath. Ruby decides to, instead, cast Invisibility and look around for anything suspicious. 

After seeing a bunch of stolen loot, weapons, and Candian artifacts it seems like Rina’s trying to preserve, she eventually finds Rina in her quarters. On a 25 Perception to Ruby’s 24 Stealth, Rina clocks her and whispers, “I’m not here to take your family, little sister. I look forward to the day that we are friends.” Ruby, channeling Adaine in a big way, flips invisible double middle fingers. 

Cumulous is in another room, just fanboy happy-crying over all of Rina’s magic stuff in some of the funniest scenes Zac has ever done which is saying a lot. I cannot overstate how funny Zac crying over an imaginary ring pop is.  

Theo also finds Rina and asks about her visions of Lazuli. She says it happened when she was very young and her powers were just manifesting. She was in a place where magic wasn’t supported and the connection was all but beaten out of her. But she can also sense Lazuli’s presence in Theo. Ruby, still invisible, pipes up that she sees Lazuli too so she’s not special and Rina shoots back that she can also see Ruby while invisible, which is pretty special. This dissolves into a little sibling spat which Rina says she enjoys because she’s never had a sister to fight with before. The comment sets off Ruby again who says she already had a sister and she’s dead and she can’t replace her. She runs off.

Theo and Rina speak a little more and she reveals that she doesn’t really care about the throne. She just cares about bringing back magic and destroying the church (which means she’ll fit right in with the rest of the fam--not really wanting the throne and plotting against the church. The family business). 

After the feast, Gooey brings out the war maps (moving the Jawbreaker flag away from Castle Manylicks and deeper into the mountain and putting an ice cream cone flag deep into the mountains) and a bunch of magic tomes which Rina starts reading. Ruby notices that a lot of the tomes are written in Lazuli’s hand, she had a way to tap into the SPF’s runes, and that she wrote some kind of warning about the SPF--Lazuli did not trust or revere the SPF. Liam sees a book with the same ice cream symbol as the flag on the map and it’s a book of lost beast lore--including an ancient spirit described on pages scented like cinnamon and seemingly bound in some way (and also amongst a lot of SPF talk): Dracoria Azucar (or, Sugar Dragon). 

Anyway, Rina says that the SPF has done a lot to suppress Lazuli’s research (she’s not sure if she thinks it’s too dangerous or if she’s hoarding it or what) including taking all of her coolest relics and findings and hiding them in a frozen temple--the Ice Cream Temple. She wants to loot that temple. (Note: She also mentions that Kerradin visited her orphanage when she was little which...Bad). She’s sent raid parties who haven’t come back but they weren’t super powerful--she has a lot of angry, rescued orphans in her service. The gang more or less agrees to her plan--even Ruby reluctantly, but Ruby hears the SPF on the wind, “Things that are wrong may yet be made right. There is more than one true magician in Candia, Princess and I await your coming and will be delighted for your wish to come true.” 

A Change of Plans  

In the morning, they decide Cara will stay with Jack and the marauders while they (and some of Jack’s men) go on their mission. When Jack offhandedly says that Ghee was lovely, Rina says they had very different experiences with her. Ominous!  

Theo asks what’s going on with the Jawbreaker situation and she says that they’re in kind of a pissing contest--he won’t recognize her claim to the throne. Gooey pulls Rina aside and informs her (for the first time it seems) that Jawbreaker has left the Castle because people in the area were being tortured by Ceresian soldiers (wasn’t specified but I’m guessing Imperials) to draw him out and now he’s pinned down in the mountains. Rina (along w/ Gooey and Swifty) consider that if they help Jawbreaker, he’ll be more likely to acknowledge her claim to the throne. But, if they don’t and they let him die, Liam will be heir and he’s already on Team Rina. In the end, she decides to tell the group and they are keen on rescuing Jawbreaker--even though Liam is concerned because he knows his dad will never give up the throne. 

Everyone seems pretty gung ho about this except for Ruby who is like, “Hello we’re super outnumbered.” Cara has a solution to that however. She’s been up all night reading Lazuli’s books and she thinks she can bamf them past enemy lines if they can get to the nearby Spinning Star monastery. She can get them back too but because there’s not a teleportation circle where they’re going, she has to basically do the magical equivalent of holding her breath or remembering a really long series of numbers while they get in and get out. They won’t have much time.

They go to the monastery (where Rina’s anti-monarchical sentiments wins her another new fan in another monk named Snicker-Snack because sure) and Cumulous kills a chicken for that sweet temp HP. Cara says, “Lazuli, please help me get this right,” before performing her magic and sending them all to a dark, locked, musty building. They can hear Ceresian soldiers shouting outside--and that’s where we end our episode! 

Note: You can find the art for the new characters this episode on the D20 tumblr here! Once again, Samir is coming for some of y’all specifically with some of these designs.

Things I’m Concerned About

I’m gonna separate my thoughts on Rina across these two sections because my thoughts are hard in separate directions. I *love* Rina but I have to be honest with myself and say that if she was an NPC, I fully wouldn’t trust her. She comes in at the exact right time saying all the right things and coming with a major plot solution. She says she doesn’t care about the throne and she only wants to destroy the church (something that would make sense considering the backstory hints the dropped) and we haven’t had PvP before but like...if there was a season to do it...listen, I want her to just be this cool orphan who sincerely wants justice and a relationship with her dad and sister if that’s on the table but I’m just keeping my eye on her. (Also, when Gooey pulled her aside to have that troop movement convo I feared it was going to go in a much more suspicious direction.)

There’s a part that I kinda glossed over where Brennan says Manta Ray Jack looked at Rina “bashfully” and Rina took it as, “He’s gonna ask me out,” and rebuffed his advances. I feel like that’s not what that was about. That doesn’t mean it’s anything actively bad--maybe him remembering her mom?--but idk, I don’t like feeling like I’m missing something.

Oh, and speaking of her mom? Rina saying he had a different experience of her mom than she did combined with Rina saying her connection to Lazuli was “all but beaten out of her” plus the out of game knowledge that something related to child neglect happens in a few eps that’s so bad that Brennan hurt himself...It paints a Bad picture.

Once again, I am Concerned about everything going on with the SPF. What did she mean there’s more than one magician? Was she referring to Ruby? Does she want Ruby to PvP Rina? She better not. 

Little concerned about Annabelle’s side mission to find Ghee. I was before but now I am even more. 

Five A Few More Things

I want to believe that Jet is both partially inhabiting Princess and doing the Shadow Sorc thing with Ruby. The Pontifex works hard but Jet Rocks works harder. 

OK, let’s talk about what I call The Inherent Tragedy of Saccharina Frostwhip (*such* a good name, btw). If Ruby and Jet had met Rina *together* (either during peace times or having rolled a high enough Insight check to clock her as an ally during the present events) they would have loved her completely immediately. She’s got Cool Big Sister written all over her: cool design, martial prowess and magic, anti-monarchy and anti-Bulbian Church BUT willing to take the throne in their stead. They would have LOVED her. BUT, Rina wasn’t an NPC. She was Emily’s backup character. Which means that, because of the way our world bisects the world of Candia, there is never a world where Jet is alive while Rina comes into play. That’s tragic, man. That’s the worst. And when I say that’s the worst, I mean the best. This makes for such delicious story. You guys know I’m a full sucker for sister stuff. Which we were already getting but this is *complicated* sister stuff which we all know is better. Like, if this is where we’re starting emotionally, do you know good it’s gonna hit if Ruby eventually comes around on her? Siobhan and Emily are catering to me specifically this season.

Also, that reveal? Within like five minutes, my theory that “the Queen” in question was Amethar’s first kid was confirmed, my circa episode 3 prediction that a twin would die and come back as Amethar’s first kid was confirmed, AND my prediction from last episode that the SPF was telling a technical truth about Ruby finding her sister was confirmed. (Literal) sweet vindication! Can I do lotto numbers? No. But plot points for a Candy/GoT mashup? I’m your gal. 

Lol at someone mentioning Ghee as Amethar’s wife with Cara standing right there and Amethar fully WWE bodyslaming that dude with tag-teams for the entire family.

People are saying it seems like Rina is a Storm Sorcerer which would be cool seeing as Amethar is a Storm Herald Barbarian. Family parallels even without really knowing each other.  

Cara--who better survive this or I will Riot--needs like a 6 month spa trip after this is over. What she is dealing with right now is untenable and she is handling it much better than I would be honestly. (But also her, “lol, my life is in shambles,” to Liam’s inappropriate question that didn’t even really register to her at that point was another comedy highlight of the ep. Icon, even in mourning.) 

Lazuli might as well be a PC for how important she is to this campaign. 

Ooooh, Sugar Dragon for Liam? Brennan has outdone himself. (Unless Liam is gonna have to fight the Sugar Dragon which I am also super down for. As I was just discussing, there are never enough dragons in D&D for a game that’s half named after them).

Shout out to this post for making me short circuit for a full second. Ow. 

It’s a little funny that Brennan laid the groundwork for Emily’s background character in the middle of the episode he knew was gonna end with him trying to kill them. Like, OK, your future is secure, now time to destroy your present!

[bisexualsilver]

Also... when do you think flint and silver both respectively knew they were deeply invested in the other..? I think they have on-going moments of "oh shit, they did this and I'm helping them...I'm in deep" oddly enough silver was probs more in denial? He focused on personal interests like $$$ & survival while pretending he wasn't ride-or-die for flint, but I think that flint on the surface claimed silver was a means to an end, but privately to himself acknowledged that he liked silver (1/2)

(2/2) they're both morally gray in v diff ways, silver focuses on his own actions (& later those he cares about - crew, Madi, flint) in the context of "who wouldn't do this when between a rock & a hard place?" in terms of survival where you can only depend on yourself, which is why he has such trouble leaning on others. Flint has gone his whole life knowing in order to be 'good' you have to act & be a certain way, so when that fails him, he purposefully goes against the old rules, knowing that-

(Shit ask 3/4) - that what the world believes is Right has grievously done him wrong. Flint wants to fight the entire world for its strict black & white views because he tried to follow it, but it punished him for it. Although we don't know much of silver's backstory, he seems to have always known no one but him has been on his side. Flint decides if they'll cast him out then he'll become everything to be feared, while silver lived drifting in between places & w/o ties to bind him to anything

(4/4 sorry this is the last one!!!) Silver figured that people might not want him but he could talk fast & charming enough that maybe they'd forget that long enough that he could get by. And their initial 1st impressions are based on these extremes,but once they begin to know each other they can no longer assume the worst of each other. Silver says how he knows flint so deeply & that they have given their absolute friendship to one another... anyways now I'm stuck thinking about flintsilver...

hello sorry this took me so long to answer!! my brain has been shit this past week. don’t apologize i love thinking about these two. also i’m gonna put this under a read more cause it got long

i’m pretty sure i had a headcanon for this three years ago fuck if i remember now. i agree that there definitely wasn’t a moment where they suddenly realized what they meant to each other, it was something neither of them expected or could have prevented. although in terms of meaningful moments i do feel like the shark hunting scene is a big turning point for flint in terms of seeing silver in a different light. it’s between the end of s2 and s3 that he started to have more respect for him and then accepted that they were fundamentally partners. but early in s3 he was also too deep in his own grief and depression to acknowledge or think about what silver meant to him beyond an unconscious sort of camaraderie, and it isn’t until late s3 and s4 that you see him mellow out and start to look at silver in a different light and accept that there’s more to him than he first thought. one of the most important moments is flint telling silver about his backstory, cause he’s saying “i trust you with this and i know you will not judge me for it”. and silver doesn’t! and s4 flint is so much softer towards silver in a way that’s almost painful to watch. he realized how much silver meant to him but also knew silver wasn’t ready for it, and he was prepared to stand by him and madi and be their equal and have it be unspoken

and i feel like silver was in denial or unaware about his feelings right until the end (and i mean the last shot we see of him). from the start we do see silver as someone who’s smart and cunning and who can fend off for himself and for whom flint was just a means to an end, but by s3 he is forced to change that mindset and care about and rely on other people. he Loves his crew and they love him, but i think he’s also wary of flint and he mystifies him as something beyond human. i used to cite the cage scene in the maroon camp as one of the turning points for silver, cause by that point he isn’t ready to trust him yet, and then he is forced to by the circumstances, and he sees that flint is a solid partner and someone he can rely on. and, of course, the line “there is an element of this journey into the dark i’m only now beggining to appreciate. how good it feels”. that’s silver getting to a place where he’s starting to understand flint’s mind, and letting him know he’s right there with him. silver thought flint was a monster, and now they both are monsters in their own right

but silver never told flint about his story, and that speaks to his inability to come to terms with his own past. given the importance that flint’s own story had narratively, it also signifies that he’s not ready to face that part of himself and his own relationship to flint (even though flint accepts that he cannot tell him). silver cared deeply about flint and knew they were something beyond partners and friends, but he was unable to voice what he really meant to him and put a name to it. and that’s the real tragedy of black sails!! i feel like he only came to terms with it years after stopping the war and sending flint away, and he was filled with both regret for loving him and letting him go, but relief that flint was with someone who (in his mind) deserved him.

whoo anyway i am filled with silverflint feels on this fine friday morning, yet again.