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#something in my brain broke when I did this
castiwls · 3 days
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winner - a.d
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Paring; art x coach!reader
Requested; no
Synopsis; art finally won and you both couldn't be happier
Warnings; mentions of cheating (reader and art mentioned to be having an emotional affair)
Notes; i saw challengers today and oh my god I am obsessed!!! i immediately had brain rot and had to write something so here's this! (p.s the reader is like a co-coach idk tbh but she works with him :) )
reqs and inbox are open !
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The feel of your nails biting into your palm seemed muted as your eyes stayed locked on the small green ball. The world seemed to slow as you watched it soar through the air back and forth. Back and forth.
Your breath seemed to stick in your throat every time the ball soared over the court and back towards Art. You held your breath waiting for the moment he’d miss yet it never came. It was almost like watching a machine, every hit was perfect.
This seemed to go on for a lifetime. The world faded away until suddenly the crowd erupted into a sea of cheers. The sound of Tashi yelling pulled you back to reality and you shot up from your chair on autopilot. Unsure if you should cheer or begin damage control you looked down to the scoreboard, a small gasp leaving your lips.
He’d done it. He’d really won.
A laugh escaped your lips as you felt a rush of relief and excitement rush through you. Art’s eyes found yours from his spot on the court and he grinned up at you. The relief on his face was obvious as he stood taking in the sight before him. It had been so long since he’d walked away from a match feeling this good that he’d forgotten how it felt to win.
How it felt to know that no matter what Tashi scolded him for it wouldn’t take away the fact that he’d won. 
“Art!” Your voice called out from behind him, your joy seeping into your tone. His smile only seemed to widen as he turned to see you walking towards him. Your body screamed at you to move faster, but you forced that need down. As you neared closer he quickly moved to meet you halfway, his arms engulfing you as the cheers continued.
The feeling of his arms squeezing around your waist left butterflies forming in your stomach. His body shook slightly as he pressed his face into your hair. “You won.” Smiling you pulled back slightly, his arms still encircling your waist.
“I won.” He repeated grinning down at you. You nodded another laugh of joy escaping you as he pulled you back in again, his head resting in the crook of your neck.
The feeling of holding you left him even more giddy than the relief of finally winning. His wife seemed like a distant thought as you stood there, both basking in the glory of his win.
You’d always been the one who kept him going. You’d always believed that he could come back from his slump, and you were right. 
Art pulled back briefly looking over to the stands. Tashi had disappeared and he frowned slightly. “Hey.” You touched a hand to his cheek drawing his attention back to you. “She went to go deal with the winnings. She’ll be back.” You assured him.
Art nodded before another grin broke out on his face. “I really did it.” He could hardly believe it himself. Part of him had believed that maybe he’d overstayed his welcome and that he was simply no longer good enough at the thing he’d dedicated his life to.
“I told you!” You laughed moving your hand from his cheek to his shoulder. “And I’m so proud.”
He felt his cheeks heat at the praise as he tipped his chin down. “You don’t have to-”
“I mean it, Art. You deserve this.” 
He looked back up to you after a moment, his eyes locking on yours. He felt himself get lost in your eyes for a moment and he raised a hand to your cheek. You subconsciously leaned into the touch your eyes fluttering closed for a moment.
He knew it was wrong. He was married, yet when he looked at you he felt something he hadn’t felt in a long time. With Tashi the only thing keeping them together was tennis, but you were different.
You didn’t care about how well he played. You only cared about him and it felt so good to finally have someone who didn’t just see him as an extension of themselves and their stolen dreams.
Art had been in love with you for years and standing here now he felt it more then ever.
His thumb brushed against your lip for a moment before he took a deep breath. Drawing you into another hug he enjoyed the feeling of holding you yet again.
“Thank you.” He murmured, his lips brushing your ear causing a shiver to run through you. A slight blush grew on your cheeks at the closeness before you cleared your throat. Shaking your head you looked up at him. “You don’t have to thank me. You did this.”
He shook his head. “No. You never gave up on me. Even when she almost did.” Art dropped his voice leaning down slightly. His eyes darted down to your lips and you felt your breath catch in your throat again.
You knew it was wrong. Having a crush on a married man was bad enough but you knew your relationship with the man had passed the platonic marker months ago. Tashi was well aware of her husband's fondness for you, yet she’d never cared.
She’d openly admitted to you soon after you’d started working with them both that she couldn’t be the person to coddle him when things went wrong. And that was where you came in. 
Starting an emotional affair with the man you were meant to be training was an awful idea. But it felt so right. Art needed someone to fall back on when things went wrong, someone who would hold him and tell him it would be okay.
You’d fallen into the routine with him so effortlessly that it felt natural.
Before you could warn him of the people around you, you felt his lips press against yours. A small noise escaped your lips as one of your hands cupped the back of his head. 
One of his hands drew you closer by the waist while his other cupped your cheek. 
You both knew this was bad. Someone was bound to notice but you couldn’t find it in you to care.
All that mattered was that he’d won.  
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jakesduskwood · 3 days
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even statues crumble if they're made to wait
Pairing: Jake x Fem!MC
Genre: Post-Episode 10 Duskwood, Post-Episode 1 Moonvale
Words: 8,916
Summary: It's been three months since the explosion in the mine. Three months since Hannah was found. And MC's accepted that Jake is never coming back. When she gets roped into another missing person's case, it makes for the perfect distraction. Jake is dead. It's fine. That is, until she finds herself on the phone with Alan Bloomgate who says he has something to show her. But it's fine. Jake is dead.
Until he's not.
EPISODE-1 MOONVALE SPOILERS AHEAD (MAYBE)!
[ A/N: Hello! :)
I know it's been a while since I've done this, but I finished Moonvale Episode 1 and if you've seen the ending (and used its Duskwood code), you know what happened and how excited I was to receive that bit of Duskwood. So, I took it and ran with it, and out came this extremely long fic. I did not proofread this as it took me literally almost 12 hours to write so it is completely and 100% me and my love for Jake and I hope you love it.
Side note: I suck with anything related to timelines, so I made one up on my own. I know Episode 1 of Moonvale takes place over the course of a day or two, but for the purpose of this fic, it made sense to make it longer, so it's not a typo, or me losing my mind, it's just the way my brain processed this.
Enjoy! :) ]
It’s been three months since the explosion in the mine.
Three months since Richy had been killed. Three months since Hannah was rescued. Three months since I had last spoken to Thomas or Cleo or Lilly or…or Jessy. I didn’t blame her then and I don’t blame her now. Any of them, really. I didn’t share the bond they had with each other. I wasn’t from Duskwood. It didn’t matter that we’d experienced a tragedy together—and yes, perhaps them more than me, but I loved Richy too. I had lost Richy too. And Jake—
But mostly, I think they just wanted to forget. To move on. They didn’t want to remember that their friend had been capable of…of that. And I was a constant reminder of that to them. So I understood why we didn’t necessarily talk anymore.
The one person I did keep in contact with from Duskwood, oddly enough, other than the occasional update from Alan Bloomgate, was Dan. We weren’t best friends or anything, but he allowed me to check in on our friends in a way that I didn’t know how to do with anyone else. Maybe because I thought he was the least affected among them. I knew he cared about Hannah, but he wasn’t to her what Thomas or Cleo or Lilly were. And he wasn’t to Richy what Jessy had been.
I’d learned from him that Thomas and Hannah had broken up. There was no bad blood, but Thomas hadn’t quite figured out how to accept the things he’d learned about his girlfriend when she’d been gone, and Hannah hadn’t quite figured out how to re-trust someone after Richy. Even if that person was Thomas. But I’d hoped they would find their way back to each other in the end.
I thought about reaching out to Jessy every once in a while—even just as an apology for everything that had happened. I’m sorry that Hannah was found at the expense of Richy. I’m sorry that he did this to you. I’m sorry I didn’t realize it sooner. We should have. We should have. We should have. I miss you. But I never send it. I’m not all that sure she’d respond anyway.
Cleo and I were never all that close. She has her best friend back, so I think she’s probably as okay as she can be. Helping Hannah find a new kind of normal in a time where her childhood friend had kidnapped her in order to prove a point. I don’t know how you come back from that—I don’t know how you come back from knowing that you killed somebody at all.
I hadn’t found the courage to ask if somebody had told Hannah about Jake.
Not that I think it would matter anyway. I hadn’t heard from him since before the explosion in the mine, which was, like I said—three months ago. I waited the appropriate amount of time—twenty-five days—before I broke down and concluded that maybe he hadn’t survived. Which just piled a shit-ton of guilt onto my shoulders because it was supposed to be me in that mine. He had gone in place of me and now he was dead.
It was the only explanation that made sense. I was used to Jake disappearing for days at a time, but never as long as he had been now. And he didn’t seem like the type to tell me he loved me and then leave without a single explanation. Not unless he had to. But it had been three months and as much as I missed him, as much as my chest ached with the thought that we would never eat Chinese food out of shitty motels and have that on-the-run ending we talked about, I had accepted that he wasn’t coming back.
I wonder if he had known about Richy or if he had died still thinking Michael Hanson was the one who had kidnapped Hannah. I wonder if his last thoughts were of me. Maybe it’s selfish, but I kind of hope they were, because I’m pretty sure I’ll think about him for the rest of my life.
I wonder what it would have felt like to run my hands through his hair. To kiss him. To spend every waking moment with him and know it was because I loved him. Because I would have. Talking to Jake became about more than just finding Hannah. It became a part of my day I looked forward to more than anything else. He confided in me in a way that told me he never had with anyone, maybe not even Hannah, and I needed that from somebody. I needed somebody to trust in me the way that Jake did. I needed somebody to love me the way that Jake did.
It was strange—and maybe a little ironic—the thought that something so beautiful could come out of something so tragic.
Anyway, my point is: it’s been a long couple of months. Of thinking about my friends. Of thinking about Jake. Of wondering if I should have done things differently. I should have gone to Duskwood to help. Not even with the mine, but sooner. I could have. I could’ve gone when Jessy was attacked on the way home. I could’ve gone when the group made plans to cut out of town and hide away in the house Richy had found. Selfishly, I should have. In that moment, when they were settled around the fire and Lilly called me, I had never remembered wanting anything more. I should have grabbed Jake—metaphorically, maybe even literally—and rode it out with them to the end.
I don’t stop missing them after three months. Of wishing things could have been different. Wishing I could have done more. But exactly ninety-five days after the explosion in the mine, seventy days since I had accepted that Jake was never coming back, twenty-two days since I had last heard from anybody from Duskwood (Dan included), my phone dings with a new message.
And the cycle starts all over again.
It’s somebody named Eric, who claims he needs my help to find his friend Adam, who disappeared while he was waiting for a ride in someplace called Redlog Pines. And much like with Duskwood, I have never heard of Redlog, and the case reminds me way too much of Thomas’ first message to me, so much that it makes my chest ache, but I can’t say no because there’s somebody missing, and if I’d say no the first time, God knows where Hannah would be.
So, I say yes, and I help out where I can, and Eric decides he needs to bring about four more friends in on his little plan and I try my best to stay emotionally unattached because I remember everything that happened the last time and I can’t go through that again. I offer up information when I can and keep my words short and careful because I’m not ready to get attached to somebody else I know I might never meet.
I know how this ends.
Two days in, Ash, one of Eric’s friends, brings up my Duskwood past and the unhealed wound I’ve been trying to mend breaks open again. She asks about Richy, and about the mine, and then because I’m me and I can’t help myself, I tell her about Jake. She tells me the news never mentioned another body and I shove that thought to the back of my head because hoping for something that will never come true will kill me.
Four days into Adam’s disappearance, and the police not giving a shit—as Charlie, somebody who reminds me far too much of Richy for comfort, points out—my phone beeps with an incoming call from somebody I haven’t spoken to in a while.
“Go for [MC].” I answer my phone.
Ever since Hannah had been found in the mine and Jake had…you know, my phone had been more silent than I’d gotten used to. Until this new case. But even that—it was only a few days old and I didn’t want to go down the same path with them that I did with my friends in Duskwood. We didn’t really know each other that long, sure—even though sometimes it’d felt like it—but it felt like I’d finally been a part of something. Like, I had found these people who had chosen me for me.
And originally, maybe they had. Maybe they’d had every intention of keeping me around, but then Richy was the Man Without A Face and Alan Bloomgate had rescued Hannah and nothing was the same as it had been when we’d met each other. We knew too many secrets about each other by the time the town settled. Secrets we would have to take to the grave.
Or maybe I’m losing my mind a bit and I had really only been a means to an end.
Either way.
“Alan?” I raise my voice when there’s nothing but breathing on the other end of the line. “Did you mean to call me?”
His tone is clipped. “I found something.”
“You found something.” I repeat.
My heart clenches. For all I know, it might fall into my stomach. As far I know, from watching the news, from what Ash told me, Jake’s body was never found. Richy’s was. Or what was left of him to find, anyway. I had assumed that there just hadn’t been enough of Jake left. The thought left me nauseous, but it was better than hoping for something I knew I could never have.
“I’m sending it to your phone now.” He responds. “Let me know what you think of this.”
And then he hangs up.
That was a riveting conversation, I think as my phone dings with a message. I do my best to ignore my other messages—contacts from Duskwood I’m still not ready to acknowledge—and click Alan Bloomgate. He sent me a video that looks like—oh God.
Immediately, I’m overcome with emotion as an all-too-familiar forest pops up on my phone. It’s a video of Alan’s bodycam footage. He’s searching the Duskwood forest. A forest I’ve seen too many times in the background of other video calls.
I watch as he stumbles upon an object that’s too dark to make out at first. When he gets closer, it’s clear that it’s a backpack. It’s simple. Black. Nothing about it that screams this is mine and I left it here about anybody in particular. You stupid, stupid idiot, I tell my heart when it rattles against my chest in hope. He’s dead.
Alan stands and treks away from the backpack—I want to scream at him to go back, to open it and look through it and tell me if it’s what my heart aches to believe, but I can’t, because this is a video and I’m simply watching with wide eyes, waiting for…for something. But then. But then, he moves further into the forest and I watch as he stumbles upon an object that makes my knees tremble and tears rush to my eyes and my hands shake. A black hoodie. It looks like it’s been through hell, with holes scattered up the sleeves and dirt cakes into the hood, but it’s unmistakably his.
And then—Alan lifts the hood and picks up something that makes me sink to my knees with a sob that wracks my entire frame. Because I’m staring at Jake’s mask. The mask he doesn’t go anywhere without. The mask that protects him. And so my relief is short-lived, because I realize that even if he’s alive—which seems like a very big possibility at this point—he’s alive without the things that he needs to survive.
And then the anger kicks in. Because if he’s been alive, on his own, for three months—why has he not contacted me? Unless he survived the mine but he didn’t survive the after. But that didn’t make any sense. So, okay, he wasn’t dead. But that didn’t make any sense either. He told me he wouldn’t let them catch him. Because catching that meant he would be apart from me. Did something happen that prevented him from being able to reach out and tell me he was at least okay? A quick text that said didn’t die in the explosion in the mine, you don’t need to mourn me, by the way, going off radar for another year. Did he think I would have given up on him?
I wipe my eyes and shoot a message to Alan.
ME: Recently?? Did nobody search the forests before?      
ALAN: Searched the forests for what, [MC]? The logical assumption seemed to be that if anybody was inside the mine when Richy set the fire, they would have perished alongside him. Officers were stationed outside every known entrance and exit. Besides, after the story you and your friends spun around this town, do you think anybody would have gone back into its forests?
ME: But it’s possible?
ALAN: I would say these items had been there for some time. But I would say it is likely he ditched them when he fled the mine, yes.
Another sob tears through my throat. Jake is alive. I don’t know quite what that means for us as of now, but I know it’s the best news I’ve heard since Hannah was found. Jake is alive. He’s out there somewhere. And even if it’s been three months, and even if I’m a little bit mad at him right now, I know that if he was here, I would throw my arms around his neck and hold on to him until someone dragged me off, and even then—I would fight kicking and screaming.
I close out of my messages with Alan and pull up a conversation I haven’t had the heart to look at in quite some time.
ME: Jake’s alive.
LILLY: …
LILLY: Have you spoken to him?
ME: Alan called. He found some of Jake’s things in Duskwood. I don’t know a lot of details. But I know he made it out of the mine.
Lilly types for a long while, but she doesn’t respond. I don’t take it personally. I think it’s probably hard for her to be happy that her brother’s okay while also trying to accept that her sister may never be okay again. Her sister, who had once-upon-a-time been kind-of-sort-of in love with their brother she didn’t know she had. I think that would probably mess with any family’s heads. And on top of all that, you throw in manslaughter and a kidnapping. I wouldn’t wish anybody, not even my worst enemy, to have had to go through what the Donforts had.
When it becomes adamant that Lilly isn’t going to respond, I start scrolling through messages with the rest of the group in Duskwood. I click on Jessy. I’m here if you need me. That had been the last thing I sent to her, a couple of days after Richy’s death. She hadn’t responded. I click out of Jessy’s contact and click on Thomas’ instead. Thank you for everything. That had been his last message to me after we found Hannah. I’d liked it. I hadn’t expected at the time it would be the last thing we’d ever say to each other. I click out of Thomas’ and click on Richy. So, you want to turn yourself in? I’d asked. That was before he called me. Before he lit a match and burned himself and the mine to the ground. Some people would call that heroic. I mostly call him a coward.
I click on Jake’s name. It’s been a while since I read messages between the two of us. Maybe before I had accepted—thought—he was dead. In that twenty-five-day period when I’d hoped with all I’d had that he would come back. I love you. That was the last message he sent me. I’d responded with I love you too, Jake. Then, four days later: Are you okay? A week later: Jake, please, you’re starting to scare me. I know you said you would contact when you could, but it’s been a week. After twenty-five days, when I had finally accepted our fate, I’d sent one final message: I hope you know that I love you, and I will always care about you, but I think it’s time for me to move on. I’m so sorry that I sent you into the mine. It should have been me. And I will probably feel the guilt from that for the rest of my life. Thank you for everything. Take care of yourself, wherever you are.
After that, I had closed out of our messages and hadn’t looked back. Partly because I couldn’t bear the pain of it. It felt like I had given up on him. I hadn’t—if I had thought for a second that he was alive, if I knew then what I know now, I would have never sent that message. But holding out hope for somebody who I thought was a ghost at the time? That was slowly killing me.
It’s only then that I notice the screen flickering. Much like the way it used to whenever Jake would hack into my phone. I don’t think he’s much in the mood to be hacking right now, but somehow, I know it’s him. When had he done this? Recently? If I had opened our messages, would I have seen this ten—twenty—even fifty days ago? It hadn’t looked like this the last time I texted him. Did he see my last message about needing to move on? Was that why he hadn’t reached out to tell me that he was okay? Because he thought I was moving on happily without him?
No, my brain supplies. He wouldn’t. He would reach out anyway, because he knows how much the thought of him not being okay would have destroyed you.
The screen flickers once more and then a message pops up, bright and blue-tinted and clear as day on my phone.
[MC]
I WILL FIND YOU
And the world around me shifts.
--------------------------------------------------
Maybe it sounds crazy, considering I’ve never seen his face before, but I always thought that if I’d ran into Jake one day, maybe on the street or at one of those motels he stayed at or maybe even in Duskwood, surrounded by all our friends, I would know it was him. I would, because it’s him, and it’s me, and we’re the only two people who understand each other quite the way we do.
I still believe that.
I believe it when I book my flight to Duskwood (or rather, twenty miles outside of town, which is the closest airport). I believe it when I board the airplane and find a seat next to a mother with her screaming child and when I shoot off a quick text to Eric to let him know I’ll be MIA for the next few hours, but to message me if he needs anything—and I think about how much easier this case would probably be to solve if we had Jake.
Maybe it would have been harder to find Hannah without me, but I know damn well they would’ve never found her without Jake.
Dan picks me up from the airport. I haven’t told the others yet. Something about it felt off—like I shouldn’t message them and say hey, I know we haven’t spoken in a while, but I’m booking a flight to look into why my maybe-slash-not-really boyfriend left his belongings in a forest we really wish we could forget about, and by the way, can I crash at your place?
It’s quiet on the car ride back into town. I’m looking through my messages from Eric and the group from Redlog Pines and thinking about how I’m Duskwood with this group and I want so badly to laugh because it’s ironic, but Dan wouldn’t understand. He might just call me crazy. Better yet, he would ask how I manage to get myself into these situations, and really, I don’t have an answer for him.
“How have you been?” I ask, just to break the tension, as Charlie, in my messages, tries to persuade his friends to head back into that creepy cave in the middle of the forest. He’s going to get someone killed, I think.
Dan looks over at me. “Are you still with Hackerman?”
My chest squeezes. “His name is Jake, Dan. And we were never really together.”
“Hm.” He nods like he doesn’t quite believe me. “You already know mostly everything that’s been happening here. Thomas and Hannah called it quits. They say it was some mutual decision, but it’s hard to find them in the same room together. Jessy hasn’t been out with us since. I think we remind her too much of Richy. The group’s all changed.”
“And you?” I ask.
He gives me a cheshire-like grin that doesn’t quite meet his eyes. “I’m always the same.”
We make it to Duskwood just as the sun’s going down. Much too late for me to try and trek through the forest and retrace the steps Jake might have taken that night. Not that I think it would help give me any clues as to where he might have gone, but mostly because I wonder if it will make me feel closer to him. We’ve never been in the same place before, and even if he’s not there now—he once was.
“Can you drop me at the police station?”
Dan blinks. “The police station.”
I nod. “Yeah.”
“We answered their questions for weeks, [MC]. I don’t think anything you have to tell them at this point is going to help. The investigation’s closed. Everybody knows Richy did it. He died with the fire in the mine. Everybody’s trying to move on from that.” He works his jaw. “Did you come here to open old wounds after all this time?”
I try not to show the hurt look on my face. “This isn’t about Richy. Look, Alan called me. He asked if I could look at some things. I figured it was better for me to do it in person. That’s it. Nothing to do with Richy. Nothing to do with Jessy. Nothing to do with you.”
He sighs, and I’m not entirely sure he’s going to abide by my wishes until we pull in front of a tiny building—tinier than most—that says Duskwood Police on the sign. Duskwood must not have that much crime. Well, not until this, I suppose.
“Thank you.” I tell him as I reach over to undo my seatbelt and climb out of the car. “This is a nice ride, by the way.”
He raises a hand in some mock-salute. “Need me to pick you up?”
“Nah.” I shake my head. “Think I’ll explore the town for a little bit.”
“Suit yourself.” He shrugs and then he’s off.
I square my shoulders and take a deep breath before opening the door to the police station. It wasn’t like Alan asked me to come down here. He hadn’t. Even during the investigation into Richy’s death and Hannah’s kidnapping, when he questioned us, he never asked me to come to Duskwood. We’d done way too many video calls and phone calls and at one point, I had asked if he thought it would be easier for me to come to Duskwood, to which he responded back, are you ready for that?
No, I hadn’t been. I’m not even so sure I was now. But knowing that Jake was alive, that here was the last place was, I had to try.
“Can I help you?” The woman at the front desk asks.
I clear my throat. “I was wondering if I could speak to Alan Bloomgate. I’m one of—I was involved in the Hannah Donfort case. My name is [MC].”
Her eyes widen. “Give me a moment.” She stands and heads to some back office—which looks to me more like a closet—and then returns with a clipped smile. “He’ll be right out.”
Apparently, she isn’t lying, because not two minutes later, Alan is stepping out from the same door and staring me down. I hold his gaze and hope it says that I’m not here to argue. I will tell him my truth, but only my truth, not Hannah’s, not Jake’s, not anybody else’s.
“I was wondering when I would see you.” He says.
I shrug one shoulder. “Isn’t a few months later better than never?”
“Let’s go into my office.” He says, and leads me around the desk and back into the closet space he had come out of. He sits behind the desk and motions for me to take a seat opposite him. “I’m just going to guess you’re not here to talk about Miss Donfort.”
“I want to see them.” I tell him. “His things. I want to see them for myself. And whatever you want from me in return, I’ll give to you.”
“You’re playing a dangerous game here, [MC].”
“He isn’t a game to me.” I snap back and then sit back and try to relax. “I appreciate that you called me. It’s—I helped you find Hannah. I would do it again. Even with knowing the things that we do now, I would do it all again. That’s how much that group means to me. That’s how much he means to me. I’m not asking you to break any rules or to lie for him or to—to let him hide in your basement for the next five years. I’m just asking you to show me what you found.”
He stares me down for a moment. Then, he sighs, says “wait here for a minute” and disappears to another room. When he comes back, it’s with an evidence bag in his hand filled with the objects I saw on his bodycam footage. My breath hitches in my throat.
“I can’t let you touch them.” He says as he lays them in front of me.
I stare into the eyes of the mask. “Did you tell anybody that he’s alive?”
“I don’t know that he’s alive,” is all the answer he gives, which is an answer to my question. I slide my gaze down to the black hoodie, to the dirtied sleeves and muddy hood, and think about the fact that Jake wore this. I’m so close to him.
And yet I’ve never been further away from him.
“Thank you.” I tell him. “For—for this. And for listening to me about Hannah. If you hadn’t, I—I don’t know what would have happened. How much longer he would have gone on for. If he would have ever stopped.”
Alan’s silent for a minute. Then, he clears his throat. “You know, it was strange to me. Both Hannah and yourself swore to me that neither of you knew the other.”
“I don’t.” I swear.
It was one of the (albeit many) things that didn’t make sense to me. How Hannah got a hold of my number. How she sent it to Thomas. She’d told Alan she hadn’t really remembered texting him my number at all.
“I believe you.” He reassures. “I just think it’s strange. One mistake, if you can call it that, and you throw yourself into a missing persons case to help a stranger.”
“They’re not strangers.” Even though Hannah is kind of still a stranger.
“But they were.” Alan reasons. “You had no reason to say yes to helping Thomas. I doubt anybody would have held it against you if you turned the other way. But you decided to follow this until the end. To make sure they found Hannah. And you care about them. Maybe that’s why I find that I’m more lenient with you than maybe I should be. Why you’re sitting across from me right now calling the shots. Why I’m not asking you about the hacker.”
“I wouldn’t tell you if you did.” I look him in the eye so he knows I’m telling the truth.
He returns my gaze. “Maybe that’s the other reason.”
“Hm.” I acknowledge before I turn my gaze away—from him, from the objects that I know belong to Jake and it takes everything in me not to snatch them up and run. “Well. Thank you for allowing me to steal some of your time. For letting me—” I cut myself off before I say something that makes me break down in a fit of tears in front of him. “—just thank you.”
Leaving the station is easier than coming in. I’m still not any closer to knowing where Jake is than I was when I arrived here, but there’s a comfort in knowing he walked these streets. I wonder what he would think if he knew I was here. He hadn’t wanted me to come to Duskwood when everything was happening…but now that it was over, would he be happy that I was here? That I had come to Duskwood to piece together where he might have gone? Would he track my location and come to find me and…or was I grasping at straws?
It felt like I had just gotten him back. Not really, not entirely…but knowing that he was alive, that he was out there somewhere, maybe thinking of me and looking for ways to come back, to live the life we talked about when he asked me if I was sure…that was worth it. The thought that we could maybe someday have that—even if it was a twenty percent chance.
I check my phone again to see a new message from Ash. She’s asking me if I’ve heard from Charlie in the last few hours. Apparently, he’s AWOL, and I want to help, really, but…it doesn’t really feel like that’s where I am at the moment. Not just physically—obviously—but mentally. We got lucky with Hannah. And that was really only because we had Jake. Adam didn’t have a Jake. Or…maybe he did and I just hadn’t met him yet. But I already had a Jake and I didn’t want another one.
Maybe—if I found him, I could convince him to help. That was a big maybe. Not because I thought Jake would say no. He would say yes to anything I asked of him. The maybe was whether or not I could find him. More likely, the maybe was whether or not he would find me.
Three months ago, I would have been able to come to Duskwood and have no shortage of things I wanted to do and people I wanted to see. Now, as I stand outside Duskwood’s police station, I feel nothing but loneliness. Nobody knows I’m here. I could pass Thomas on the street and he wouldn’t even know it. I could run into Jessy at the library and she would walk by me without even a second thought. Why would they? I hadn’t told them I was here.
So, with nothing left to do, I walked. Toward the town center. Toward the library that Jessy showed me on our walk through Duskwood. Toward the Rainbow Café where I knew that Cleo and Hannah had spent a lot of their time. Toward the Black Swan. Toward—
Ah, what the hell.
I had nothing better to do and The Aurora seemed like a great place to drown my sorrows. To think about my next steps. To figure out—now that I was in Duskwood—what I planned to do. The thing about Jake being so secretive (and on the run) was that I couldn’t retrace his steps. I wasn’t able to ask if anyone had seen him. One, because he would make sure nobody had. And two, because three months was a long time to forget somebody’s face if you didn’t know who you were looking for.
I pull open the door to the bar and step inside. Immediately, I’m hit with the stench of whiskey and a handful of chatter. Duskwood’s a small town. And The Aurora definitely proves it. The bartenders move melodically around each other, serving patrons on the other side of the bar. If you walk down further, there’s a handful of tables.
And dead in the center is a table with my friends. Or, some of them. Dan and Cleo and Lilly. Could I still call them my friends? Ex-friends, maybe? Acquaintances? I didn’t know what they were. Or how to address them. It wasn’t like we had gotten into a fight. We didn’t stop talking for any reason other than that we did. We stopped talking.
I make a beeline for the bar to avoid a confrontation and plant myself on one of the stools. One of the bartenders—a girl cute with bleach blonde hair and brown Bambi eyes—asks what I want and I channel my inner Dan to order a whiskey—neat.
Looking over my shoulder, I focus on the table of them. On Lilly, who’s smiling at something Cleo said. On Dan, who’s the only one of them who actually knows I’m here. But even he’s focused on the conversation they’re having. It’s strange—to see Dan a part of something I’m not sure he would have been before. It’s nice.
“[MC]?”
I turn my head away from the table of my friends and focus my attention across the bar on someone I should’ve expected to see. “Phil.”
“I thought I recognized your voice from when we talked.” He smiles. “I wasn’t sure, but I saw you staring longingly at them—” He nods towards Dan and Cleo and Lilly. “—and I knew. What brings you around here? I expected you to show up maybe a few months ago, but by now, I thought you’d moved on without us.”
I was tired of the words move on. Like I’d had a choice. Like the people from this town might open their arms and welcome me back into their lives. So I’d been part of the group who’d saved Hannah Donfort. So had a lot of people. It didn’t make me special and everyone here knew it.
I offer him a smile in return. “I’m looking for somebody.”
“Anybody I know?” He asks.
I shake my head. “Nah. At least nobody you would recognize.” I pause. “How’s Jessy?”
“She’s—Jessy.” He answers, like that is an answer. “I don’t know if she’ll ever really be okay with the way things happened with Richy. I wouldn’t expect her to. Obviously. But I don’t know. I think I just thought she would have gone back to her normal life by now. And then I remember that most of her life revolved around him. He was her best friend. She worked for him. And I’m trying to be patient about that. But—” He shakes his head. “Maybe you should talk to her.”
“She doesn’t know I’m in town.”
“Okay.” He hums. “So, you’re not in town for my sister. And you’re not in town for your group of friends because they’re over there and you look like you’d rather be anywhere else. There’s always Hannah, but I don’t think you knew her that well. Or at all. Would I be right to assume this is about a certain hacker who helped to find Hannah?”
“He didn’t help find Hannah.” I defend. “He was the entire reason we found Hannah. I would have never been able to do it on my own. Even with the others’ help. He’s the only reason we found out about—” I pause before I say something I maybe shouldn’t. “It doesn’t matter. He’s the only reason we found her. Everything I did was just dumb luck.”
“That wasn’t what the news said.” A voice cuts in and I turn my attention from Phil to focus on the stranger that slides into the seat beside me. Not too close—a couple inches away. I don’t recognize him. I don’t know him. But I don’t know every person in Duskwood. Maybe a total of like nine or ten. “I’m sorry to interrupt. But I heard you had a lot to do with finding Hannah Donfort. The news said you were some kind of hero.”
I offer him a tight smile. “That’s nice of them. But…if they knew my—friend—knew what he did to find her, I don’t think I would be as much of a hero as everybody says.”
“That’s noble.” He says, eyes meeting mine, and it strikes me at once how handsome he is. He has dark hair. Bright green eyes. Focus, [MC]. I scold. You have a…a someone.
My phone buzzes.
ERIC SENT A PHOTO.
ERIC: What do you make of this?
I sigh and click on the photo. It’s of—some object. Much like the one that was addressed to me on the envelope in Adam’s glove compartment. The image is a bit different—but I don’t know enough about what it means to have an answer as to why.
ME: Was this one addressed to me?
ERIC: Nope. Ash.
“Are you okay?” Phil asks.
I clear my throat. “I’m a popular person—apparently.” A thought strikes. “Have you ever heard of a place called Redlog Pines?”
Phil frowns. “No.”
I turn to look at the stranger. “You?”
“Redlog Pines is a small town about two hundred miles north of Duskwood.” He answers. “Known for their wooded forests, much like Duskwood.”
“Why are you looking into a place with forests as creepy as ours?” Phil asks, incredulously. “Didn’t you get enough of that with Hannah’s case?”
“Yeah.” I sigh. “You would think.”
“Hey, [MC]!”
I wince at the sound of Dan’s voice. Shooting Phil a look that screams please help me to which he shakes his head amusedly, I turn and plaster on a fake smile as I take in the shocked looks on Cleo and Lilly’s faces. I should have known better than to come to The Aurora and talk to Phil when the three of them were having a conversation across the room. I should have known they would sooner or later see me. I just hoped it was later.
“Hey.” I hop off my stool and make my way across the bar to them. “It’s, uh, fancy seeing the three of you here.”
“What are you doing here?” Cleo asks.
“I haven’t really figured that out.” My eyes meet Lilly’s. “It sounds crazy to say it out loud. But I was hoping that—I’m not sure if Lilly told you—”
“That Jake’s alive.” Cleo nods. “None of us ever really thought he wasn’t.”
I don’t think she means it as a dig—but it still feels like one. Like she’s saying you gave up on him you gave up on him you gave up on him even though she’s not and she didn’t really know him and the only person I can talk to at this table who even might understand is Lilly and even—Jake didn’t confide in her the way he did me.
“Right.” I acknowledge. “So I thought that maybe if I came here, I could trace his steps from when he was here and—I haven’t really thought that far ahead. It’s not like I thought he left me any clues in the forest or anything like that. I don’t think he expected me to be here. He hadn’t wanted me to be the last time we talked. But that was before everything happened.”
Lilly’s eyes track behind me. “Does Jake still have Nymos on your phone?”
“Uh.” I furrow my brows. “I think so. I hadn’t heard from him in a while, but I went back and read through our messages after I talked to Alan and…my phone glitched, like it used to when Jake had hacked it. And then this message appeared on my screen.”
“And by chance, can Nymos track your location?”
“What—” I shake my head. “Maybe. I don’t think I ever really asked him. It didn’t seem necessary at the time.”
“Uh huh.” She focuses on me once more. “Let’s say, for one minute, that Jake has access to Nymos who has access to your location.”
Cleo must catch onto something I’m not sure of. “Jake didn’t want you here.”
“Uh, thank you?”
“You know that’s not what I mean.” She waves me off. “He didn’t want you in Duskwood. He had been adamant about that when we were talking about the mine. That’s why he went. If you showed up in Duskwood—”
“Nymos would have alerted him.” Dan finishes.
“Okay…” I’m not entirely sure I’m on the same page as them. “So—you think that Jake found out when I came to Duskwood.”
“Correct.” Lilly beams like she just solved life’s greatest mystery.
“And you think he would—come find me?”
She smiles sympathetically at me—like I’m the world’s biggest idiot for not realizing what she has been trying to say sooner. “I think he already has.”
“You think Jake’s in Duskwood.” I deadpan.
“[MC].” Cleo grabs my shoulders and turns me around. “We think he’s in this bar.”
Stranger, as I had nicknamed him—AKA the guy sitting beside me at the bar, with Phil and Redlog Pines (which he probably only knew about because of me) and the whole Hannah being kidnapped and not taking any of the credit thing—was looking back at me. So was Phil. Like they thought I was the crazy one. Like it would’ve been so hard for him to look and me and say it’s me or anything that might have clued me into the fact that—
“Jake?” I whisper, because I’ve lost quite a bit of sleep over the past couple of months and I’m not one hundred percent sure what—or who—I’m seeing is real. “Are you here?”
He tilts his head and smiles at me. Actually smiles. A bit shyly, like it’s something he’s not used to doing, but maybe like it’s something he could get used to. And I think about how terrible I probably look right now because I’m not wearing makeup and my hair is tousled from constantly pulling at it and my clothes are wrinkled from the plane and the police station and I look like a mess. But our relationship has never been about looks. Clearly. I didn’t even know the person I’d been talking to until Lilly and Cleo and even Dan pointed out the obvious.
“If I—” I close my eyes and open them again. Nope. Still there. “I need you to still be there by the time I reach you because it’s been a—” I sniffle. “—it’s been a rough few months and I don’t think I could handle you disappearing again.”
He stands from the stool he was sitting on and shuffles his feet. Like he’s not quite sure where he’s supposed to stand. If he thinks about moving, I’ll tackle him onto the floor of The Aurora and then apologize to Phil later. It feels like everything I wanted is right here in front of me. And I’m scared to death that it’s not real.
“What’s one thing you would take with you if you were stranded on an island?”
His smile stretches. “My computer.”
And that—that’s what breaks me. I think I might start blubbering like an idiot but I don’t remember the time it takes for me to cross the measly twenty feet between us. All I remember is grabbing his black hoodie—because of course—and dragging him to me. I don’t kiss him, despite how much I want to, because I don’t want our first kiss to be tainted with my snot and tears. Instead, I bury my face in his collarbone and wrap my arms around his neck and hold on for dear life.
Because I can. Because he isn’t dead.
“Y—You’re here.” I pull back and cup his face with my hands. “How are you here?”
“You came to Duskwood.” He responds, and then—hesitantly—he presses his lips to my forehead in a kiss. “Alan called you.”
“He found your things in the forest.” I whisper back. “He said they’d been there a while. The police hadn’t searched the forest because they assume you died in the mine.”
“They aren’t looking for me here.” He confirms. “I didn’t expect it to take so long for them to find my belongings, but I anticipated that you would find out. At the time, it wasn’t safe for me to reach out and contact you. They kept on my trail for a while before they assumed I died in the mine with Richy.”
“Why didn’t you contact me then?” I ask. “Is it because of what I last messaged you? I didn’t mean it—I swear, I thought you were dead. If I had known you were alive, I would have waited, however long it took. I wasn’t trying to give up on you.”
“Hey.” He places both hands on either side of my face. “I know. I know that, [MC]. That was never why I didn’t reach out to you. I know you said you wanted this life with me. But I didn’t want that for you. But I was selfish. I couldn’t let you go. So I was trying to find a way to make both of those things true. But I was always coming back to you.”
“And did you?”
“Come back to you?” He asks.
I sniffle. “Find a way to make both of those things true.”
“Not entirely.” He admits. “Nymos alerted me you had boarded a plane headed in the direction of Duskwood and I—” He shook his head. “I knew I would find you here.”
“You could have found me sooner.”
He lets go of my face and he feels like he takes my skin with him. “It wasn’t that easy.”
“It could have been.” I demand.
I’m angry again. Now that I know he’s alive and okay and that he could have found me, I’m angry that he didn’t. I told him I would choose that life with him. Over and over and over. He didn’t need to make the decision for me. He didn’t need to try and protect me. And yes, maybe the fact that he did makes my heart flutter a tiny little bit, but that’s besides the point.
“I told you before you left me.” I tell him and I’m aware it sounds like we’ve been in a relationship for five years and I’m aware that everybody in here is watching and listening in on our conversation and they probably all know we’re who we are, two people involved in helping to find the kidnapped Hannah Donfort, and maybe that’s all we’ll ever be in this town. But I would rather be the girl who found Hannah Donfort in Duskwood with him than be me anywhere else. “You told me you would let me go with you.”
“That was before I told you I loved you.”
My heart skips a beat. It screams I love you I love you I love you back, but I say— “What does that have to do with anything?”
He looks somewhat amused. Like he knows I would never hold it against him. It’s clear to both of us that I wouldn’t because even though I’m glaring up at him with my furrowed eyebrows and my lips pouted, I’m still pressed tightly against him. His hands—even though they’ve moved from my face—are now resting on my hips. Pulling my tighter to him. There’s no space in between us. If it was up to me, I’m pretty sure there never would be again.
“[MC].” He says, and oh god I wish he would say my name every day for the rest of his life. “Have I—in the short time we have known each other—ever struck you as the type of person who says I love you? But with you…” His words are a whisper against my lips. “It’s easy to fall back into old emotions with you.”
“I want to be angry with you.” I tell him.
He shakes his head. “No, you don’t.”
“No, I don’t.” I agree. “But I might be if you don’t kiss me.”
He brought one finger underneath my chin and tilted it up until our lips were separated by a fraction of an inch. My eyelids fluttered. I didn’t care that everyone in here was about to see just how much Jake meant to be. I didn’t care because I had waited too long for this. And then—just as I’m leaning toward him to press our lips together, he whispers— “[MC]?”
“Hm.” I acknowledge.
“Who’s Eric?”
My eyelids crack open and I shove at his chest. “That’s what you’re worried about right now? Here I am, in front of you, covered in snot and tears and who-knows-what-else because you’re here right now, and you’re worried about some guy I don’t even know?”
“Who’s Eric?” He repeats.
“Ugh.” I run my hands through my hair and take a step back. “I don’t know. He’s the other side of Thomas or whatever you want to call him. If we lived in a different town.” I glare back at him and try not to admit that I think his jealous side is a little cute. “He messaged me. Thought I picked up his friend from some parking lot and I didn’t, but his friend sent him my number, and it was Hannah all over again. I’m trying to help them.”
“This Adam has been sending you a lot of videos.”
“You know I hate when you hack my phone.” I complain, even though I really don’t. Even though I had prayed for him to help me with this case. “I really don’t know Adam. Like—even less than I know Eric.
“But you know Eric.”
“For like a week.” I reassure. “He added me to this group chat with him and like three other friends of his. They’re desperate to find Adam who has apparently dropped off the face of the earth and I don’t know what to do. I had you with Hannah’s case. And you knew her. And they—” I look over my shoulder at Cleo and Dan and Lilly, who are pretending like they’re not listening in even though I know and Jake knows they are. “—they knew her. And obviously Adam’s friends must know him but I don’t and you don’t and there is no Jake in Redlog Pines.”
“I don’t trust him.” He shakes his head. “Any of them.”
I laugh. “Jake, you didn’t trust half the people in this bar when we first started talking.” I look over at Phil and then Dan. “It doesn’t mean they committed a crime. If I had backed off when you asked me to help you find Hannah, we may never have.”
“I thought that was all thanks to me.” He sounds smug, like that little smiley face he loved to annoy me with (AKA make me fall in love with him). “Did he flirt with you?”
“No.” I deadpan. “I think he was focused on his missing friend.”
“I was focused on my missing sister.” He shoots back.
I close my mouth. Alright. He has a point. But I wasn’t flirting with Eric. He was focused on finding Adam and I was focused on mourning—and then finding—Jake. Maybe it felt like Eric and I were two sides of the same coin. Maybe that’s why I agreed to help him. Because I didn’t want to happen to him what I thought had happened to Jake—to me.
“You’re being ridiculous.” I say instead. “How do you think I could ever entertain the idea of being with somebody else when for the past three months—more than that if you count the time we have actually had together—I’ve been focused on you? On discussing Hannah with you and then talking to you about anything and everything and then worrying about you and then hating you a little for convincing me you should me the one to go into the mine and then mourning you when it was hard to even think about you and then finding you?”
His eyes are wide. I think I’ve rendered him speechless. Which—serves him right. I know he’s not somebody who serves their feelings up on a silver platter. I know that. Obviously, I knew that from the first time I spoke to him. Back when he was nothing more than ??? and I was almost convinced that Dan was right and he was the Man Without A Face—a thought that I now hate with everything in me. But I need him to trust me. Jealousy streak and FBI and the missing persons cases aside, he needs to trust me.
“Trust me.” I cup the sides of his face again. “He’s nothing like you.”
He swallows. “Some people might consider that to be a perk.”
“I don’t.” I say.
And then I’m kissing him and it feels like coming home.
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aspiringtrashpanda · 2 days
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HI TUMBLR USER ASPIRINGTRASHPANDA im a big fan of your work please keep it up!!!!!!!!
would it be too oddly specific to request raph introducing mc to hella britney spears obey me? :D
HI TUMBLR USER SHOOTINGSTARRFISH IT WOULD BE AN HONOR TO WRITE ABOUT HELLA BRITNEY SPEARS OBEY ME. 💕
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Characters: Raphael, MC, appearances by Solomon and Simeon Raph shows MC his pet. pure fluff! No warnings apply
“Ah, welcome,” Simeon smiled from the doorway of Purgatory Hall. “I heard from Luke that you were coming by. Are you seeking refuge?”
You shuffled your feet, ducking your head as shame prickled the nape of your neck. “How did you know?”
His eyes squinted, that pretty jingle of his laugh filling the air between you. “I think I can see smoke coming in the direction of the House of Lamentation.” 
“Oh. Yeah, you see…” Where did you even begin to explain the domino effect that had happened this time?
“No need,” Simeon came to your rescue, gentle gaze oozing sympathy. “I know those brothers well enough to surmise what happened.”
When you winced something akin to an agreement, he ushered you inside, sheltering you from the occasionally overwhelming presence of your favorite brothers. As you toed your shoes off in the entrance, the scent of Simeon’s cooking washed over you. You may as well have turned into a cartoon caricature of yourself, floating towards the delightful smell in the kitchen. 
“Luke and I are making lunch.” As if he even had to clarify. He did, however, add, “but you’ll find Solomon and Raphael in the living room,” which was basically Simeon for don’t bother trying to help.
Making the familiar turns throughout the first floor, you lifted a hand to wave at Solomon and Raphael, only to drop it to your side when you found them. The two men stood side by side, folding laundry. Or, more like Solomon was hauling clothes out of a basket, molding them into a roughly square shape, and placing them on the coffee table… Just to have Raphael re-fold them right beneath his nose, with piercing eye contact. 
You watched for a few seconds before making your presence known. There was a twinkle in Solomon’s eyes, a twitch to his neutral lips that had you wondering if he was intentionally ruffling the angel’s - currently withdrawn - feathers. 
Solomon’s amusement was lost on Raphael. You were certain you could see the cogs whirring in his brain beneath his ashy hair. The crease of his brow told you he had absolutely no idea how Solomon could be so bad at laundry. 
“Hi,” You broke through the silence, putting on your cheeriest smile, “How is my favorite Purgatory Hall resident today?”
As you saw the confusion give way to suspicion in their twin looks of surprise, you considered that perhaps you, like Solomon, also liked to stir the pot. It was funny, how they both straightened their spines, puffed out their chests, sized the other up while simultaneously pretending to be unbothered. Subtle peacocking, in a way. 
You would do the same to the brothers, but… Well, then you would just end up at Purgatory Hall once more, wouldn’t you? Such a taunt was sure to start another fire of some sort between the Rulers of the Underworld. 
“Well, if it isn’t my adorable apprentice,” Solomon beamed, reaching behind the laundry basket to procure a bowl of pastries. “Can I interest you in a macaroon?”
“Did you make them?” You eyed the fluffy cookies. They did look good…
“Of course!”
Never mind.
“Ah, sorry Sol, I ate before coming here and I’m stuffed.” You lied. Thankfully, Raphael’s malfunctioning tastebuds saved you from further scrutiny. He lit up like the heavens above, blue gaze sparkling like sapphires as he snagged one of the sweets.
“Truly delicious, Solomon.” Despite his praise, Raphael remained as stoic as ever. Only the slightest glimmer of joy dancing in his eyes gave away his genuine gratitude. “I must get your recipe. Michael is so fond of sweets.” 
“I’ll make sure to bake him a special batch at the end of the semester,” Solomon preened beneath the compliment, “You could send him my regards.”
And just like that, the angel’s guard flew back up, an expression edging confusion finding solace in your hum of surprise. What on earth - er, the three realms? - did Solomon want to send regards to archangel Michael for? 
As Solomon turned back to the laundry, excusing himself by claiming he had to retrieve another load from the dryer, Raphael eyed you with unveiled curiosity. You shrunk under the intensity of his stare. It wasn’t often you found yourself alone with the latest exchange student from the Celestial Realm, and you weren’t sure you would ever get used to the way he watched you so carefully. Though he rarely voiced his thoughts, his stare had a certain weight to it. One that told you that he was questioning every flex of your fingers, every slope of your lips, every shift of your limbs. Why he found you so interesting, you weren’t sure. 
As for you… Of course you found him interesting! Luke had said it himself - Raphael was the youngest angel to ever be given the rank of seraph! He was quiet and mysterious and so very guarded. You never knew just what he was thinking at any time. You could examine him for hours and you were certain boredom would elude you.
In fact, you were about to find out who would win a casual staring contest between the two of you. Almost taken aback by your confidence, there was a split second where you thought he was going to cave, his jaw clenching and his lips pursing in a pout you almost considered petulant. But then, he steeled his resolve, doubled back with a burning question in his gaze.
You had no answer for his silent inquisition, but you felt scorched regardless. 
“Hey,” He blinked slowly, forfeiting. “Do you want to see my spears?”
“Actually…” You were answering before you even knew what you were going to say. “Yeah, I do.”
“Come with me,” He nodded curtly, exiting the living room with little warning. 
Nearly tripping over your feet in your haste, you raced after him, the flutter of his Celestial Realm clothes a flash of ivory turning a corner. Your heart thudding in your chest, you felt your anticipation growing with each step. You had heard so much about his rain of spears! The terrifying display of violence that struck fear into even Belphegor’s heart!
And so, you were completely flabbergasted when Raphael spun around from the corner of his temporary bedroom, brandishing… not a weapon. 
You almost considered it anticlimactic, but the disappointment lingered for less than a second. Your brain’s buffering complete, it reached a very reasonably enthusiastic conclusion: Raphael was cradling a hedgehog. Not just any hedgehog, but a shadow hedgehog native to the Devildom. Its charcoal quills quivering under your awestruck gaze, you hit the brakes on your excitement, your index finger hovering an inch away from its curious nose.
“Can I pet it?” You whispered, even though no one had told you to keep quiet.
“He likes when you rub his forehead,” Raphael matched your volume, lifting the little mammal closer to your face.
Sure enough, the shadow hedgehog squeaked in delight as you carefully ran the pad of your finger up his nose to the patch of fur between his ears. “Is… Is his name Spears?”
Raphael looked at you incredulously, as if the answer was obvious. “His back is made of a thousand spears.”
To accentuate his point, he gently stroked the needles laid flat over Spears’s back. You smiled, “Shadow hedgehogs are known to inflate like pufferfish when they feel threatened.”
Raphael regarded you with a stern frown, “I would never harm Spears.” 
“No!” You squawked, startling the hedgehog. He hissed softly, nuzzling into Raphael’s thumb for reassurance. “I didn’t mean it like that!”
A pensive hesitance fogged those sapphire eyes. Cradling his pet close to his chest, he seemed to calculate the potential risks in his head before offering, “Would you like to hold him?”
Did you ever! Your hands shaking, you extended them towards Spears, your palms pressed together in a makeshift platform. “Okay…”
It tickled, the way his little paws scurried across your skin. His nose - wet and cold - nudged against the base of your thumb, his miniature spears raising in apprehension until he deemed your hands safe. Then, he sat still and allowed you to marvel at his pristine quills and beady onyx eyes. He was an awfully cute hedgehog. 
“You know, in the human world, there’s a musician named Britney Spears.” You weren’t entirely sure why you were bringing up the pop star. You were positive she was not to Raphael’s liking. 
“Are they any good?”
You sidestepped. “They’re iconic.”
His silence seemed louder this time, his lips twisted into the smallest frown as he watched his pet tentatively lick at your palms. With a resolute jerk of his head, he decided, “I will allow Britney to be his middle name.”
“Middle name? Like, Spears Britney… Last name?” 
“His first name is Hella.” 
“What?” You blinked. Listen, you led quite a bizarre life. From being yoinked into the Devildom, to nearly dying at the hands of Levi because you lowkey cheated at a quiz show, to actually dying in a different timeline for wanting to hug Belphie, and then to somehow becoming the apprentice of the world’s strongest sorcerer. And yet, this hedgehog’s name managed to be the oddest thing you had heard yet.
Raphael shrugged, “Solomon assures me it is a name for only the most honorable warriors in the human world.”
Your lips curled inwards, sucked by the force of your inhale. Don’t laugh. Don’t laugh. Don’t laugh.
Still, your voice wavered with amusement. “Hella…Britney Spears, the shadow hedgehog.”
“Yes,” Raphael confirmed, pride overwhelming his gaze as he gently took the little mammal from your hands. “The best around.”
The glint in his eye told you that arguing would only end in a rain of actual spears. All you could do was nod, thank him for sharing a piece of his life with you, and echo, “The best around.”
*・゜・*:.。.*.。.:*・☆・゜・*:.。.*.。.:*・☆・゜
My requests are open! Find out more HERE. Banner by the incredible @4laurus, Beel fan extraordinaire.
ALSO HERE IS HELLA BRITNEY SPEARS OBEY ME.
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starfxkr · 2 days
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i was listening to mother ethel as i do religiously and im listening to strangers and that’s understandably ode to eaters au’s anthem ( ill be back to my first love soon my brain hasnt been functioning the best lol ) but i couldnt help but think about tp!reader and jj during these lines :
“I tried to be good, am I no good?
Am I no good? Am I no good?
With my memory restricted to a Polaroid in evidence
I just wanted to be yours, can I be yours?
Can I be yours? Just tell me I'm yours”
I would still wait with you there”
it’s always like she’s yelling into a boid crying out for jj to love her back and its so evident in her phone call to john b whenever her leaves bc he never treats her the same for much longer . i think at time she definitely doubts her worth due to him being so closed off like this bc she just wants him to desperately love her back.
“And that I never blamed you for loving me the way that you did
While you were torn apart”
she obviously understands to some degree that jj’s harbored feelings are due to his past marriage with kie and i think she’s more so having these thoughts before/while she leaves him. she understands but why should she be the one punished and she is the one pouring out her soul to someone like jj no matter how soft he can be at time bc she knows it never lasts forever
.~ 🍮
"it’s always like she’s yelling into a void crying out for jj to love her back and its so evident in her phone call to john b whenever her leaves bc he never treats her the same for much longer . i think at time she definitely doubts her worth due to him being so closed off like this bc she just wants him to desperately love her back."
it literally tears me apart because goddamn if he could only show her how much he really loves her, but he's set in his ways and he's obviously scared because she's young and mercurial and in the back of his mind he's always waiting for the ball to drop and she's gonna get over this "phase" and go be with someone her own age or at least someone who's kinder and gentler than he is. and then add to the fact that she's the youngest person he's ever dealt with it adds to that feeling of unworthiness, that she's just a midlife crisis or something.
"she obviously understands to some degree that jj’s harbored feelings are due to his past marriage with kie and i think she’s more so having these thoughts before/while she leaves him. she understands but why should she be the one punished and she is the one pouring out her soul to someone like jj no matter how soft he can be at time bc she knows it never lasts forever"
and THIS like on a level she can never quite understand what happened even after she left and came back. during the before she never even knew how serious the relationship was for months because he refused to talk about it and it was relegated to hushed whispers so in her head its like "okay he had a girlfriend and they broke up why is he making it my problem" not yet understanding it was more than that. and when she does finally get it she tries to show him she really does love him and she wont leave but that makes it worse because he's preparing for it to hurt even more, knowing that even now when he's old and mean someone can still fall in love with him, so he keeps pushing her away and he keeps insinuating she's gonna leave him for john b because he thinks she should, and that hurts her so bad because why can't he see it's not like that?
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ragdoll127-ffxiv · 10 months
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Had it pointed out that I left out the third combination from this set previously. And my damn muse just went
🥺 👉👈
So here we are lol
(Zala belongs to @nearlyjaye who has been an absolute darling about letting me play with the dolls like this)
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keeps-ache · 4 months
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i'm on some sort of kick lol
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yorshie · 1 year
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Anyone else have a *chest of denial*?
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sysig · 8 months
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Lose myself to you (Patreon)
#Doodles#SCII#ZEX#The Captain#Vent?? Maybe??#I've been having something of a rough time of it lately so I actually broke and made myself some SCII hurt/comfort for a change of pace#I almost never make hurt/comfort - more of a whump creator haha ♪ - but yeah I needed it#It ended up just being a short little 1.6k jaunt but I did do it all in one sitting and got some needed emotions out so thank you these two#I think it's also my first vent fic :0 So that's interesting!#As well as the first one that I inserted images into! I've been wanting to for a while but I never have! I know how to now! :D#Constantly thinking about how oddly on equal footing these two are despite being so different#It makes the way they differ so interesting!#They're both important figures in their respective military forces and yet the Captain is so young!#Not only a lack of experience leading to the blows hitting him harder proportionally but also just - that's just how teenage human brains do#(If the Captain is still a teen - it's gotten very stuck to me that he hasn't quite turned 20 yet haha)#But again again even still he's a very young and new adult - there's a lot of chemistry going on in his brain that makes the job hard#And so having ZEX as a partner and a mentor - it creates a weird dynamic! It's interesting to me#ZEX /is/ definitely weird towards the Captain haha but past a certain point he really does only have so much power over him#And I just like it better when he guides him over trying to control him <3 Usually anyway lol - in this instance for sure#Their weird dynamic being a source of comfort and escape ♥ Of ZEX being gentle with him while still working to his own ends haha#ZEX is such an interesting character; he's hard to classify and I like that about him very much
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feretra · 6 months
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did today just swoop in to make up for all the pitfalls of the last few weeks because it’s like my entire red list of worries is getting struck out the longer the day goes on!
#ooc#tbd#[ I’ll stop posting ooc for now but… my cousin was losing her housing at the end of the month ]#[ she had no way to pay rent because she can’t work since her stroke ]#[ and she can’t drive since she’s now also hemispherically blind in both eyes ]#[ but as of next month she’ll be sober from everything!!! for year ]#[ she has never achieved this level of sobriety before she always drank or smoked or did something ]#[ she has been meth / marijuana / alcohol / everything free this time and her whole attitude is very different ]#[ she is also haarlep incarnate and she swore off sex for the past year ]#[ she even broke up with her boyfriend when he tried to be weird about her growth ]#[ her teeth got wrecked in her accident/stroke because she was driving and crashed at like 90mph ]#[ and I told her if she stayed sober for a year I would submit her name to orgs to get her teeth fixed and man she’s kicking ass ]#[ she’s on top of it and she called just now to tell me she potentially has new housing NOT in sober living ]#[ she’s not happy about its location but she’s determined to stay sober she’s just done with sober living ]#[ she’s a house captain (!!!) which she’s proud of and doesn’t like having to throw people out ]#[ but she gets triggered too often by them showing up fucked up too ]#[ and she just texted me right now to tell me she signed up for housing stabilization services ]#[ she’s gonna volunteer with the brain injury alliance ]#[ I am so so so proud of her this was such a good year of growth for my cousin ]
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the-trans-dragon · 1 year
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I found a documentary series with an episode titled “The Next Pandemic” from November 7, 2019.
Pre-covid.
Really bonkers to watch. Various professions talk about their biggest concerns and priorities. Bill Gates gives his opinions a couple times.
I’m going to bed 💜
#the show is called Explained. on Netflix#I don’t really wanna advertise for Netflix so… idk.#that kinda broke my brain. I’m halfway howling in anguish and ranting in frustration—and halfway utterly speechless#what is there to say? ‘wow I wish anti-vaxxers let us utilize our technology.’#did it occur to anyone to put funding into public education? did anyone worry about the way capitalism doesn’t allow us to trust products?#did anyone think all their hard work would be useless because people didn’t believe in the plague?#I hate the anti-vax movement with so much passion; but I understand the logic of it and how irrefutable that logic can be#some of it is just nonsense conspiracy theory but some of it is legitimate fear. we are suffocated with advertisements. ‘you need this!’#‘buy this blender or you’ll never be healthy!’ ‘buy this purse or you’ll never have friends!’ ‘use our shampoo or you’ll kill the planet!’#‘buy our pain meds because they’re safer!’ ‘use these bandaids or you’ll get infections!’ ‘wear these shoes to prevent permensnt foot damage#‘get this vaccine or you might get sick!’ like…#something something automimicry. something something boy who cried wolf.#99% of the time it IS a scam when someone tells you that you need something. and how do you establish trust in a society like that?#I know the data and I know how vaccines work and I know the risks because I’ve studied it extensively#but I haven’t studied cars at all. and if a mechanic said ‘buy this or your car will explode’ I don’t think I’d take his word for it.#sigh… okay bed time for real now.#sorenhoots
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foldingfittedsheets · 2 months
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Something that literally changed my life was working with a friend on a coding thing. He was helping me create an auto rig script and was trying to explain something to me but his words were just turning into static in my brain. I was tired and confused and there was so many new concepts happening.
I could feel myself working toward a crying meltdown and was getting preemptively ashamed of what was about to happen when he said, “Hey, are you someone who benefits from breaks?”
It broke me.
Did I benefit from breaks? I didn’t know. I’d never taken them.
When a problem frustrated or upset me I just gritted my teeth and plowed through the emotional distress because eventually if you batter and flail at something long enough you figure it out. So what if you get bruised on the way.
I viscerally remembered in that moment being forced to sit at the table late into the night with my dad screaming at me, trying to understand math. I remembered taking that with me into adulthood and having breakdowns every week trying to understand coding. I could have taken a break? Would it help? I didn’t know! I’d never taken one!
“Yes,” I told him. We paused our call. I ate lunch. I focused on other stuff for half an hour. I came back in a significantly better state of mind, and the thing he’d been trying to explain had been gently cooking in the back of my head and seemed easier to understand.
Now when I find myself gritting my teeth at problems I can hear his gentle voice asking if I benefit from breaks. Yes, dear god, yes why did I never get taught breaks? Why was the only way I knew to keep suffering until something worked?
I was relating to this same friend recently my roadtrip to the redwoods with my wife. “We stopped every hour or so to get out and stretch our legs and switch drivers. It was really nice. When I was a kid we’d just drive twelve hours straight and not stop for anything, just gas. We’d eat in the car and power through.”
He gave a wry smile, immediately connecting the mindset of my parents on a road trip to what they’d instilled in me about brute forcing through discomfort. “Do you benefit from breaks?” he echoed, drawing my attention to it, making me smile with the same sad acknowledgement.
Take breaks. You’re allowed. You don’t have to slam into problems over and over and over, let yourself rest. It will get easier. Take. Breaks.
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allofuswantgwinam · 3 months
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the past 6 years with someone who lied to me don’t even feel real… it all feels like some weird nightmare with some good parts in it. it’s all so wild. what a waste fr.
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truckstoptigers · 5 months
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sometimes i feel bad because i feel... angry w/ my youngest brother's mom. she's a much better mother to him than she was when she was still with our father, but i can't seem to forgive her. not when she almost backhanded my brother for accidentally spilling his toys and came within inches of doing the same to me because i darted in front of him when she raised her hand. not when i saw how absolutely abysmally she treated my brother because he's autistic (and so am i).
not when if it weren't for her, our father never would've gone to court & gotten custody in the first place, and i never would've been abused. he held me once when i was born & promptly fucked off after until i was four, and my brother's mom convinced him to take my mom to court. he signed away his rights on my big sister, and i was born just a year or two after her. he had no intention of being a father to any of us, and she found that out the hard way.
i hate her sometimes for being the one that actually convinced him to fight for custody. i can't help it. i kind of hate the judge that looked at his track record & somehow thought he was a worthy father that deserved time with the child he made explicitly clear he didn't want. she was not nice to me in the years that they were together. she screamed at me often if i did anything wrong/anything she just didn't like, & i got that from him too. i never once felt safe in that house.
she doesn't know what he did to me. she doesn't know how fucking lucky she is that he wasn't interested in my brother like that. i made sure the question never even came up. i wanted to be enough for him, because if i was, then nothing would happen to my littlest siblings on his side. she has no idea that he took so long to put me to bed every night i was there (mom got 80%, he got 20%) because he was raping me. sometimes he'd even sneak in a couple hours later just to wake me up and do it again.
all while she was just down the hall in the living room.
she was right there and she has no idea. i HOPE she has no idea. if she knew and didn't say anything, it'd kill me. at that point in time i wouldn't have put it past her to know & not tell anyone, especially my mom, about what he was doing to me. i wouldn't put it past his next girlfriend either, who gave me my little sister. i can only pray to a god i don't think i believe in that he didn't do the same to my little sister. it would kill me. but as far as i saw, he didn't try.
my brother & his mom live in kentucky now. she's with a much kinder man who loves my brother the way a father should and i couldn't be more grateful to him for that, even though i've never met the man. her relationship after our father was abusive, and even though i can't say i like her, i do firmly believe that she didn't deserve that. no one does. i have half a mind to think our father hit her too, because he hit me. i don't know. i'm just glad she and my brother are safe.
i don't think i can forgive her. i wish i could, but i can't find it in myself to do it. i remember too much. we were still living with her when he started trafficking me. didn't she think it was weird that he would always be driving me places & returning alone, often not leaving again for hours? didn't she wonder where i was? what did he tell her when she asked? DID she even ask?
did she care enough to ask?
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simptasia · 5 months
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an unexpected closing to the year was a boy meets world special interest hitting me with a steel chair
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fingertipsmp3 · 10 months
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People who buy cosmetics and utensils and stuff from temu/wish/shein/[insert dodgy company here] send me tbh. You’re telling me you saw all the stuff about massive amounts of lead being found in shein products and you’re willing to buy stuff from them that you have to put on your skin/in your mouth?? Couldn’t be me
#like i won’t even lie to you. i have clothes from shein that i bought before common sense kicked in and i realised why they were so cheap#and heard so much bad shit about the company#and they’re not bad clothes#but buying cosmetics from them?? like hi.. fake makeup is a thing and it’s extremely dangerous#it can be made in unsanitary conditions and it’s unregulated so can include heavy metals#i’m wary of where i buy jewelry from for the heavy metals reason as well. you know the amount of jewelry that casually contains cadmium#and/or lead?? i choose life#electronics as well. i really like the fuses in my house the way they are and i also like when i don’t have an electrical fire in my house#i also like when my electronics are good quality; well made and last longer than a week#maybe i’m just picky. maybe i’ve just been burned before because a cheap hairdryer i ordered from amazon literally blew up#(no one was hurt but i did have to get a plug socket rewired)#i also had a shitty pair of headphones that broke the first time i plugged them in for charging#the utensils one also sends me because again: lead#when i buy something i know is going in or near my mouth i just prefer to buy it from someone i know i can sue#that’s all i’m saying about that#anyway i don’t know why i’m watching this temu haul and i don’t know how this company have managed to convince grown adults who allegedly#have brains that buying mountains of gimmicky garbage is a good way to spend money#personal
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sysig · 1 year
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I thought I was done being feral about Tamagotchis but no, it was just a lull
#I was already interested in getting a Gotchi for the past couple months and then KKClue dropped that video (praise be)#And Then I learned that there was a cheap way of purchasing legit Japanese Gotchis?? I may uh. Have. Purchased a few#I never really had That Moment as a kid or teen of being impulsive with money - I'd either save it up and get one big thing#Or I'd buy little things until I eventually ran out - and that habit has kinda continued into adulthood lol#Nowadays the one big thing is usually something like a new computer when my old one dies but it certainly is a big thing lol#And I like getting little things like my puzzle cubes <3 But I'm fairly miserly!#Well. Until.#I've finally hit The Phase of impulsive purchases because of a perfect storm of Things Happening lol#I first wrote down that I wanted to start looking for Tamagotchis in March of this year and I was going about it rather casually to start#Just looking around Big Box stores to check pricing - then various toy and vintage stores to see if they had stock#Most of them didn't but I did get in some delightful networking :D I want to go back and continue!#I finally broke down a week ago and checked Amazon for the ''custom'' shell designs because I like the galaxy one hehe#And then - that accursed video (affectionate)#I may have watched it five times so far lol and then actually bit the bullet and checked out the sponsor and Fucking Hell#I can never get into gambling this does absolutely wack shit to my brain it's only half about the Gotchis themselves anymore#That said I am very excited for my Mesutchi to arrive! I really want to get an Osutchi to go with her and a Gen 1 and and and#I want to collect all the Angelgotchs so bad you don't understand I Must Have them in all the colours it's very important#I'm even considering doing some kind of Project with them once they arrive I don't know it's just all so exciting#I'm feeling very normal#Oh yeah and barely related other than IRL silliness - I finally got a haircut! :D#It'll take a bit for my sona to update but it was today! All sorts of things haha
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