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starogeorgina · 2 months

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𝐁𝐫𝐨𝐤𝐞𝐧 𝐛𝐨𝐧𝐝𝐬

Pairing: Harwin Strong x Targ oc

Warnings: Smut, swearing

4.01

Harwin moans fill the room as you kiss down the side of his neck, his grip on your hips tightening. You pull on his thick curls while grinding against him, silently hoping the old wooden chair he was sitting on doesn’t give way. You untie his breeches, then dip your hand underneath the fabric to feel his cock hardening in your hand.

“Gods,” he pants. “You’ll be the death of me.”

You press your face further into his neck, breathing in his scent. “Has it been so long, husband? I’ve barely touched you, and you’re already calling to the gods.”

Harwin chuckles but quickly starts to moan when you start stroking him. It had been a long time since you’ve found time intimate for many moons, as each passing day seemed to be more chaotic than the last; thankfully, the dust of chaos had begun to settle. His hands move from your waist to the top of the dress to start unlacing it. When your breasts spill out of the bodice, Harwin hisses as you tease the weeping tip of his cock with your thumb. Your breasts were still too sensitive to touch, but he could still look

“Gods.”

Just as you start to speed up your actions, there’s a knock at the door. Both of you groan in annoyance. Quickly, you climb off Harwin’s lap and fix your clothing as he puts his cock back into his pants.

You wait a few seconds, then call out, “Come in.”

Your new handmaiden, lady Annabel from house Darklyn, enters with a sheepish look on her face. “Princess, Ser Harwin,” she greets. “Prince Daemon has asked for you to join him at once in the council room as a matter of urgency.”

“Of course, thank you.” When she lingers by the doorway, it’s obvious she’s holding back on saying something else. Anna was incredibly shy; her mother was hoping her becoming a lady-in-waiting would help bring her out of her shell; you hoped for the same thing. “Is there something else?”

“Yes, I didn’t want to upset princess Rhaenyra any further, but the dragon keepers said they believe the Cannibal has eaten a clutch of Syrax’s egg.”

You give the lady Annabel leave, and when she does, Harwin gently places his arm around your waist and whispers, “A bad omen.”

“We both know my uncle can be theatrical at times; whatever he needs us for may not be that bad.”

“I pray it’s just the prince’s dramatics.”

—

When you and Harwin approach the painted table, Daemon pours two more goblets with wine until they are almost overflowing; he places them down in front of you. You can tell something is wrong as soon as you catch Daemon’s eye. “What is going on?”

“Where are your young prince’s?”

“Aerion is in the dragonpit with Ada, and Vaegon is attending a lesson.” You take a small sip of wine; it had been more than a year since you last tasted it, but you had a feeling you’d need it to take the edge off whatever he was about to say.”

A small smile plays on Daemon’s lips. “How is the princess finding being a dragon rider?”

Ada was beside herself with joy most days; her dragon, Darkling, a dark-scaled, thin dragon that had hatched from one of Nightmare’s eggs, had finally grown large enough for her to mount, but Ada needed to catch up on the histories of dragon-riding before you would allow her to fly any further than the shores of Dragonstone. “She is doing fine.” You place the wine back down. “What did you call us here for, uncle? Where is Rhaenyra?”

“She’s speaking with Luke. Vaemond is petitioning for himself to be made heir to driftmark.”

You feel a wave of nausea; the knock-on effect of this could be devastating. Harwin’s brows pull together, “And by doing so he means to question the legitimacy of Lucerys?”

“And the greens will jump at any chance to support someone who wishes to spread venom about Rhaenyra, no matter how undignified it is.” You lick at your lips, trying to hold back tears of anger. “It doesn’t matter if Rhaenyra’s sons are bastards or legitimate; they will still push to make her seem unworthy to wear my father's crown because of her gender.”

“If the greens loudly question Lucerys parentage, they will do the same with Jacaerys and Joffrey.” Harwin places his warm hand on your back. “Then they will do the same for the twins.”

Lord Corlys had been gravely injured while at sea, leaving Rhaenys in charge of driftmark. You all hoped he would recover from his injuries, but if not, Driftmark would go to Lucerys. “The only person who can speak for Lord Corlys succession is princess Rhaenys, and she won’t back them, not when her only granddaughters, your children, are betrothed with mine and Rhaenyra’s sons.”

“Are you sure?” Daemon scoffs. “She still believes me and Rhaenyra are somehow involved in Laenor’s death.”

Not long after losing Lady Laena, Rhaenys and Corlys lost their only son. The death of your cousin Laenor weighed heavily on you; if you hadn’t suggested sending a dragon rider to the step stones, then he would still be alive. Whenever Jace, Luke, or Joff spoke about missing their father, guilt would begin to consume you. Daemon and Rhaenyra found comfort in one another and married only a few moons after their spouses deaths, causing rumors to circulate they had Laenor killed to be together.

“Then you’ll do well, uncle, to remind her that you didn’t. The consequences of what Vaemond is saying could result in exile or death for my sons and nephews.”

“Princess Rhaenys knows Rhaenyra never hurt him; she’s just looking for someone to blame.” Quietly Harwin says, “I'm worried about the impact this will have on your sister; she’s in no condition to go toe to toe with the greens.”

You shared his worry; after all, Rhaenyra was pregnant with her sixth child. After being married to Daemon, Rhaenyra had given birth to two sons, Aegon and Viserys. This new babe, which she believed to be a girl, would be their eighth in their growing family. And you knew more than anyone how dangerous it is amongst the greens while pregnant. The aftermath of what happened when you lost Rhea still hurt more than any physical wound could, and it was a memory you tried to forget.

Daemon clicks his tongue, “War would happen before Viserys ever let anything happen to any of his grandchildren.”

On that, you could agree, but your father wouldn’t be around forever to protect the peace of his family. “When is all this taking place?”

“Three days.”

Harwin tenses beside you, “Three days isn’t a lot of time. Having the proper amount of time to prepare is definitely in their favor.”

“And I only know because my daughter sent me a raven from Driftmark. I suspect the official message informing us of this will arrive the day before.”

“I will go to king's landing at first light. Hopefully my unexpected arrival will shake the greens. I can speak with my father and try to find out why he’s allowing this.”

“You’re not going alone,” Harwin says sternly. “I wouldn’t be surprised if the greens tried to antagonize you, especially if they know you are alone.”

“He’s right, that cunt Cole and his queen will most definitely attempt to rile your inner dragon.” Your uncle switches to High Valyrian, “Be prepared for what they may ask; you aren’t the most convincing of liars.”

Your gaze flickers between him and Harwin, who looks slightly taken aback. “Don’t mention it to the children yet; we’ll let them know after supper.”

—

After everyone had finished eating at dinner, Rhaenyra explained the situation. The younger children didn’t really understand, but Jacaerys looked upset while your own sons looked furious. Ada comforted Lucerys and swore one day she would stand by his side as he ruled over Driftmark.

The knight standing outside your youngest daughter's door nods before opening it for you. “Thank you,” you say quietly before walking in slowly. Your daughter was supposed to be sleeping, but you had a feeling she’d still be awake. “Hello, my sweet.”

Cassandra uncrosses her legs, abandons her toys on the floor, and rushes to her bed. “I was just going to sleep.”

You pick the two dolls up and smile, placing them on the table beside her bed. “After you put Nymeria and Alysanne to bed first, I’m sure,” you brush strands of her dark hair out of her face. “How do you feel about going to King's Landing?”

“I’m not going unless grandsire is going,” she says as a matter of fact.

“Oh, is that so?”

“Yes, he needs to come. He can’t stay here alone. I'll stay with him.”

Lord Lyonel remaining on Dragonstone was not only good for Harwin and the children; the former hand of the king was helping Rhaenyra prepare for sitting on the throne one day. He had served greatly on your father’s council, so any advice or insight was valuable.

“Are you looking forward to seeing your other grandsire, my father?”

Cassandra nods, but you could tell how uncertain she was. Unlike her siblings, your sweet girl has grown up catching fevers constantly; she had spent many moons on bed rest, and as a result, she had become shy and nervous around new people and settings.

You kiss her forehead. “We can put your dolls to their bed, but then you need to sleep because you’ll need to be up early in the morrow.”

—

“I can feel you watching me.”

Chuckling, you walk further into your quarters. “I did not wish to disturb you. Is your father going to King's Landing tomorrow?”

“Yes, he is.”

“That’s good, because Cassandra just declared she wasn’t going unless he was.”

“I wonder where she gets it from?”

“Must be you, Harwin; you are very stubborn after all,” you say in jest.

Harwin was extremely fierce, loyal, and loving. Stubbornness was most definitely a trait your children got from you. The smile on his face when he turns to face you warms your heart. “Hmm, well, I cannot be as exciting as you. He fell asleep as soon as I picked him up.”

Baelon, your babe was sleeping soundly in his father's arms. Harwin moves to lay back on the bed; the plump pillows keep him sitting upright as he holds the newborn against his bare chest. Baelon was your only babe who shared any resemblance in appearance to you.

“He finds comfort in his father's arm.”

You kick off your shoes and pull your tights down; feeling the chill in the air hitting your feet was refreshing. You lay on the bed next to Harwin.

“Are you going to fly on Dragonback to the keep?”

“I’m unsure. I’m assuming Aerion and Vaegon will, so Varos may fly beside them without me.” You hadn’t flown on Varos since giving birth six weeks earlier. “I’ll decide in the morrow. Ser Albert and Annabel have retired early, so they have more time to prepare to join us in going to King's Landing.”

“Annabel, your new lady-in-waiting?”

“We can’t bring Cassandra and Baelon to the petition. I’ll need a lady and knight to watch over them, and I don’t want anyone who works in the keep near them.”

Harwin hands the babe to you so he can finish changing his clothing for bed. “Hm, I do hope she’s more sensible than the previous. The last thing we need is history repeating itself.”

“Our son isn’t my brother; he’s not sulking around brothels at ungodly hours of the night and harassing the servants. He was a boy who made a mistake.”

“I never said he was at fault, but I am worried. What happened has made him vulnerable.”

You stroke your baby's cheek gently, being careful not to wake him. It didn’t matter your twins were nearly men's grown; you still thought of them as small babies you wanted to protect from the world. “He won’t. I think he’s far too heartbroken.”

“Does Daemon know?”

“He knows something happened but is unsure what. If he knew, I’m sure the poisonous witch would be dead.”

Fully dressed, he takes the babe back into his arms. Awake, Baelon was either feeding from your breast or crying if wasn’t in your arms. So nighttime was currently the only time Harwin got to hold him for long periods of time.

“I’m still surprised you didn’t unleash Varos on her.”

“If she hadn’t fled, I may have.”

#harwin strong x you #harwin strong fanfic #ser harwin strong smut #harwin strong x oc #house of the dragon #harwin strong #ser harwin strong #harwin strong/you #ser harwin strong fanfic #Harwin Strong smut #broken bonds #broken bonds 4.01 #house of the dragon fanfiction #house of the dragon fanfic #house of the dragon smut

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lackadaisycats · 11 months

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Hi Tracy, i wanted to ask a somewhat personal question. How do you deal with losing beloved pet? I recently lost my 9-year-old tortie a month ago to kidney failure and GDV and even though i still got three other babies to dote for (and they're all lovely), it's really hard to feel as much love as i did with my tortie. She was my first cat and was incredibly loving and patient with, helped me immensely while grieving for my father's passing a few years ago.

With her gone, it really does feel like a lot of me also went with her. It makes living very hard. I made tiny sculpture and wood soldering in her memory but i don't really know how to deal with the actual emptiness inside me. Sorry for the word vomit but i figured since you also lost a precious cat before, you might have insight for this situation

I'm so sorry for the loss of your beloved tortie.

I don't have any special skills for dealing with death, really, but I suppose I can speak a bit about personal experience.

I think it's natural to feel a yawning emptiness when something so intimately intertwined in your life - a constant companion, a source of joy, something around which your daily schedule is structured - is suddenly gone. It can be a very lonely sort of grief too, as the loss of a pet doesn't generally come with the same community and ritual that human death does. To others, your dear companion was perhaps just an animal. Not to equate it with human death in the broader scheme, exactly, but it can mean personal devastation, compounded by being alone in coping with it. Societally, we probably do ourselves some significant harm believing we must rapidly "get over" losses like this.

There's no getting-over-it that I know of, anyway, but there is the knowledge that the nature of grief changes over time (it sounds like you're no stranger to that). The stormy waves that knock you about with the immensity of the loss gradually give way to more placid waters. The sadness remains, but grows gentler and maybe sweeter even, because it creates a quiet space to reflect on the pet that enriched and graced a chapter of your life with their presence.

In the meantime, while awaiting some peace, I personally find there's an analgesic effect to making the feelings of grief actionable. The meditative nature of art and the act of memorializing a companion animal won't fill in that void, but it can help you start to process and accept it, to find a way to transmogrify it into a repository for your feelings and memories of love. I'd say keep making sculptures, make a scrapbook, draw a picture of her - anything, if it puts you in a different state of mind as you're doing it.

Looking after animals that are in need of care and attention in the moment, even if you feel emotionally distant, might help you regain some footing too. Setting up shelters for feral cats and fostering rescues are some things I like to do. There's a sort of grounding, self-rescue interwoven in focusing some energy on the living.

Most of all, grant yourself time. Do yourself the kindness of not feeling bad about feeling bad. Mourn without believing you must rush to find a cure for the sadness.

If, however, you are suffering or finding it impossible to function day to day, please do reach out to seek qualified counseling.

#cats #pet loss #grief #lackadaisy #death

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19871997 · 3 months

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i would LOVE recs please and thank you 🫶🏽

OKAY ! so. these to me are like 2997 required reading:

cover to cover and unbound by lighthousetowers (M, 24k) this is like The connorleon fic to me getting together whole figuring out who they are as players and people and to the oilers and to the nhl as a whole and how they built their legacy and write their story and how they’ll fit in to other legacies and stories it is spectacularly written the themes are so consistent and connor and leon’s voices and actions are so freaking realistic like even if you dgaf abt them u should read this and then gaf about them

he’s no jacob from the bible (but damn he made me pray) by softnoirr (M, 8.5k) easily the most devastating and crushing fic ive maybe ever read, definitely at least in the connorleon tag, postcareer and intimately exploring the effects of career ending head injuries and how to love one another when one of u barely remembers half the hours of the day. one of the tags is ‘connor mcdavid isnt a robot but probably wishes he was’ and i think that succinctly summarises the fic. one of those ones u read once and think about forever

a brief, unauthorised guide to tending an exit wound by stridents (no rating, 10k) getting back together fic of my personal dreams quite frankly. just a very very good concept delivered in an excellent manner with perfect execution every action they take feels incredibly in character. something something sometimes it isnt about how u get there but thr fact that you did get there in the end

take me back to the places i feel loved in by fishfoods (T, two works 1.6k total) THE. married connorleon series by my ride or die @bboes about loving and being loved so so freaking soft and fluffy and so quintessentially connorleon in that they love eachother above and beyond quite possibly everything else

bones in the foundation by cuprun (M, 8.6k) directly taken from the tags: this is NOT about wanting to escape the oilers, this is about how you can feel trapped somewhere even if its somewhere you don’t want to leave. sososo good gives u exactly what you come for really conveys connor and leon’s whole ‘best players in the world don’t want to win anywhere else but everything else is making it damn hard’ thing

be the one to set me free by notthequiettype (E, 31k) getting togetehr and learning about eachother and eachother’s bodies cannot recommend it enough also one of THE connorleon fics to me the way connor is written genuinely hits like a freaking line every single time and the way he interacts w leon and others is soooooo. oughhhhh

not strictly connorleon but something about us by lemonfractals (E, 19k) is connor/leon/dylan holloway but also the way connor and leon are in this like that is Them through and through truly truly such an incredible fic and made me a dholloway frontliner

goes without sayibg really but the rest of the fics by these authors are also an always recommend so i heartily suggest u check them out too!!!

#sorry it took me a moment had to curate the list #also if snyone wants to send me recs i am ready and willing #[redacted] tumblr user #asks #mcdrai #fic recs

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neonscandal · 7 months

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Manga With Me: JJK 0, A Coward's Goodbye

Because these thoughts haunt me while I do my dishes, you have to suffer them too. The brain rot is so insidious, it seeps its way into the mundanity of my life and I've apparently managed to convert a few of you so, in case you missed it, let's talk about the final scene between Gojo and Geto in the JJK 0 movie.

This is the face of a man who thinks he's won the breakup.

⚠️ Spoiler Warning: JJK 0 movie

I feel like I don't have to wax poetic about the details of the JJK 0 movie at this point for everyone to be on the same page. Subsequently, we can all agree on the following:

Gojo realized Geto's plan. 10 years means nothing when you know someone, apparently.

Upon learning of Yuta's lineage and, subsequently, what limits he could potentially surpass, he made a calculated risk and sent Panda and Toge in rather than facing Geto himself. You know, for Yuta's character development.

At the close of their fight and upon the safe escape of Geto’s family, Gojo finds him in the alley. Suggests in equal measure that he could have gone to him at any time in the last 10 years the way he clearly has an AirTag on that ass (and the way he quickly located Riko Amanai post-Toji fight...).

Geto articulates that Gojo intentionally sent Toge and Panda in to trigger Yuta's power up (see above re: 10 years means nothing) to which Gojo isn't exactly forthright in intimating that "it's called trust. People with beliefs like yours won't kill a young sorcerer without reason." to which we get the below panels:

One, the exchange over Yuta's ID. Even in this instance and with ten years of distance between them, they're still so silly. But from Geto's retort, we see that, while Gojo seems to speak broadly, Geto knows Gojo's generalization is meant to be received rather specifically. This leads us to this last panel:

... COULD HE NOT JUST HAVE SAID

"I NEVER HATED YOU."

- Suguru Geto

We KNOW Geto assumed that his defection was the end of their friendship. He had to believe there was no going back in order to propel himself forward. But how incredibly sad that, even at the imminent close of his life, he couldn't be honest or direct about his guilt or his affection?

So he died. Too proud to reconcile properly with Gojo. Sheepishly thinking Gojo had hated him during those ten years, barring whatever his censored last words may have been. It's something we don't see resolved until much, much later and only in what I assume to be the inner machinations of Gojo's head. Is that not devastating? Does this realization deserve a place on THE LIST!? Of course it does.

Friendly reminder that Gojo gets jump scared by Geto’s corpse in Shibuya where they recognize same-sex unions.

#manga with me #manga with me jjk #satosugu #we are the strongest #gojo satoru #satoru gojo #suguru geto #geto suguru #satosugu brainrot #jjk #jujutsu kaisen #stsg #satosugu angst #jjk brainrot #jjk angst #meta #jjk meta #satosugu meta

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avikats66 · 9 months

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Y’all let’s talk about Stolitz. And by talk I mean I’m going to throw this long and extensive analysis at you. Warning for discussion of miscommunication and dubious consent + self esteem issues and self sabotage (pretty canon stuff) ahead:

Stolas didn't initially realize Blitz’s original intentions when they ended up having sex for that first time. It would have only been after Blitz left and he discovered the grimoire gone that he would have realized Blitz only had sex with him in order to take his grimoire. Except that's not quite entirely true. While Blitz definitely seduced Stolas in order to nab the grimoire, he clearly had the opportunity to dupe Stolas and leave him there after he grabbed it. Instead he decided to actually have the sex which Stolas at the time would have thought he was there for in the first place.

This certainly doesn't mean that Blitz had actually been secretly wanting/planning to have sex with Stolas the whole time - it was obviously an extremely unexpected development for him - but that he did choose to do so without Stolas trying to force or extort him in any way. His exact reasons are not explicitly given but can be inferred with reasonable certainty/likelihood. Here's the scenario: we have Blitz about to make off with the grimoire with Stolas (at least seemingly) none the wiser, when Stolas goes and tells him how happy he is that he's doing this and how much it means to him, at this point still believing Blitz had come for the purpose of initiating a sexual/romantic encounter and being ignorant of his actual intentions having been just to steal the grimoire.

Going off of Blitz’s expression we can see he feels bad here. Like wow, this guy genuinely thinks I came here to make moves on him and he is so happy about that, and here I am in actuality just stealing from him. Since I am doing him wrong by stealing from him, I can do him some right by having the great sex that he thinks is happening right now with him. And remember that at this point Stolas himself isn't leveraging this reasoning over Blitz or using it to bargain with him - he has absolutely no idea what's actually going on, after all. The decision Blitz makes to have sex with Stolas at this time is made entirely by himself without any decision-making on Stolas’s part.

So Blitz is feeling a moral obligation (again, coming from his own conscious and not from Stolas trying to influence or guilt trip him) to have sex with Stolas, and also probably an psychological drive to on the basis of emotions like pity and/or empathy. Like this guy is clearly incredibly lonely and horny and will be devastated if Blitz doesn’t have sex with him as he thinks was his intention the whole time. That knowledge and the emotions that knowledge is is apt to provoke can create the desire to do the deed, even if not for the reasons of pre-established mutual attraction and planned activity which is what’s typically behind most instances of consensual sex.

It’s a very natural/human (technically Blitz is a demon but my point still stands given how demons are portrayed to be just like humans when it comes to emotions/intelligence and the capacity to be good and bad and choose to follow their own individual morals) trait to want to do things not because they directly benefit or please us, but because they will those things for others and that makes us feel good - especially if the said thing we do isn’t explicitly negative or unpleasant for us either, as is the situation here. While Blitz certainly didn’t have any personal plans or desires to have sex with Stolas that night, it didn’t seem like something he was actively opposed to or forcing himself to do either. And sex doesn’t necessarily need to have deep and intimate preexisting emotional connection present to be a positive, consensual, and moral experience either.

Of course, there’s also the other underlying factor regarding Blitz’s decision to have sex with Stolas that night, which is that he felt it might be advantageous or even necessary in order to maintain continued access to the grimoire. Again, at this point it would still have been entirely up to Blitz to decide, but it’s a very important factor to consider, especially moving forward as the relationship between the two continues into what we see in the show.

Sometime after that first night, Stolas becomes aware that Blitz has taken his grimoire. Heck, it’s even possible he figured this out during that first night and chose to let Blitz take it. Whatever the case, we don’t know the exact specifics of what went down, just that in the pilot and first episode we see Stolas talking to Blitz about how he’s not actually not supposed to have the grimoire and that he would like to set up an arrangement where he continues to let Blitz keep/use the grimoire and in return Blitz occasionally has amazing sex with him like he did that night.

This is where the consent starts to get (more) muddy and dubious due to the lack of clear communication and resulting misunderstandings. Going over it from the outside, you’d think at this point Stolas would have come to the conclusion that Blitz didn't have any intention of starting a relationship and was just using him with no genuine feelings for him involved, and thus him leveraging the grimoire over Blitz to continue their relationship is just pure extortion. But I don’t that he did, or that it is.

Rather, while Stolas definitely knows that on some levels, the sex Blitz had with him was a practical/transactional action taken to secure use of the grimoire, I think that he also truly believes that there is genuine mutual attraction and affection and want to continue the relationship present between them, and that Blitz knows/believes this as well. I mean, he certainly didn’t force or even plead with Blitz to have sex with him that first time; that was all Blitz’s choice and apparently he made it really good. I’m doubting that at any point that night, Blitz stopped to sit down and say “hey, you know I’m only doing this so I can steal/use your grimoire and I don’t actually feel any attraction towards you or want to start a relationship,” though.

So it’s really not unreasonable that Stolas believes there is something more between him and Blitz, and thus that he’s not blackmailing Blitz to have sex with him using the grimoire, rather that he is more so just negotiating a fair trade between equals. He’s aware of the power imbalance between them in terms of status and the grimoire in theory, but based on his behaviour in canon I don’t think he realizes (or at least not until later during the show as evidenced by him planning to give the crystal) just how impactful that imbalance really is, or that Blitz might actually feel pressured by it in any real way.

At the same time, Blitz is assuming that Stolas is just using him for sex via the leverage of the grimoire and his much higher levels of societal status/power, and that none of the affection or care he shows Blitz is genuine because Stolas understands that Blitz is only using him for the grimoire in return. That last part actually is true on at least some level: Blitz is definitely using his relationship with Stolas to access the grimoire, but I think he’s lying to himself and letting his perception be warped by his trauma and self esteem issues when he claims that there’s nothing more to it.

While he’s shown at times to be exasperated or not really into/put off by Stolas’s horniness (sometimes more so just for comedic effect), we do see him express genuine enjoyment with and care for Stolas throughout the show. It’s not like we’re talking Achilles/Patroclus levels here, but, there is something there on Blitz’s side too. I think the reason Blitz seems unable to properly wrap his head around the fact that Stolas actually genuinely cares for and likes him and that he could actually allow himself to reciprocate those feelings and actions is not just the whole miscommunication thing they’ve got going on as detailed above, but also that Blitz has deep-rooted issues with intimacy and self-esteem.

Blitz has such a low and troubled sense of self worth that he cant seem to fully accept or believe that Stolas would actually care for or like him in any meaningful way for real - especially when combined with the whole grimoire misunderstanding going on and the guilt he likely feels over it in at least some aspects, which is largely why he first had sex with Stolas in the first place. He also definitely seems the type to sabotage his own relationships - likely both on a conscious and unconscious level - due to these feelings of self hate and low worth (I personally believe he did that with Verosika and it was one of the biggest reasons for their breakup and current animosity towards each other) which I have inferred him to have based on canon such as the hallucination he has in Truthseekers).

So Blitz thinks that Stolas thinks that they both know their relationship is just a transaction, a transaction where Stolas definitely has more power, and thus Stolas doesn’t actually care for Blitz or what he wants. That Stolas might sell him out or punish him if he started backing down from their relationship or going too much against or refusing whatever sexual desires Stolas expresses by reporting him to officials or refusing use of the grimoire. And Stolas doesn’t realize that Blitzø thinks this, being himself under the impression that Blitz knows that Stolas does actually care for him and doesn’t want/mean to extort or force him into things he truly doesn’t want with him.

I just want to go over something here now: It’s normal for partners to sometimes do certain things with sex that one party doesn’t particularly enjoy for themselves but chooses to do because they don’t find it overly or particularly unpleasant or unbearable so they want to do it or don’t mind doing it in order to please and give enjoyment to their partner (which in itself can give enjoyment back as I’ve mentioned earlier). As long as there’s clear communication and the ability to set boundaries this is completely normal and fine.

The thing is, we’ve just gone over exactly why there’s a lot of misunderstandings, assumptions, and lack of clear communication going on between Blitz and Stolas. Blitz might possibly be feeling obligated or pressured into having sex with Stolas whenever and however asked due to the grimoire and his knowledge that Stolas could potentially deny him access to it and force him to choose between having sex with him how and when he likes or not having the grimoire (just because someone is okay with/has enjoyed sex with someone in the past does not mean that it’s okay if they are pressured/coerced or forced into having more sex with that same person again when they do not want to) whereas Stolas mistakenly assumes that Blitz knows he wouldn’t try to force or coerce him into sex that he wasn’t ultimately okay with having by using the grimoire as leverage - or any other method - because he doesn’t understand Blitz’s issues with believing/accepting Stolas’s care/affection or fully understand the reality of their power imbalance for himself.

It’s not until Ozzie’s that Stolas really gets that slap-in-the-face wake-up call, but based off the music video and the act of giving Blitz the crystal we can see how genuine and serious he is about this - plus how much he truly loves and cares for Blitz. I could definitely go on about that too, but I think that’s another post!

#stolitz #helluva boss #helluva blitzo #helluva stolas #fandom ships

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xmentallydisturbedllamax · 5 months

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I think we're all so devastated at the news of IceAdo's cancelation. It was an incredible anime not only because it was groundbreaking for the queer community in terms of quality, but also in terms of how intimately the relationship was depicted without being vulgar or explicit, which many other such anime depend on to gain an audience. The profound devotion Yuuri and Victor had towards each other and figure skating was palatable and it just sucked you in. A lot of times, it even felt like you were intruding on a private moment between them, especially as Yuuri got more comfortable around Victor and started being more open about his anxiety, which was also a focal point of the show, also masterfully depicted.

It was such a beautiful experience, that we wanted more of it, which is what we thought we were going to get. But for 8 years, we were strung along, our hope exploited, until finally, the cancelation, which we all realized, after a certain point, was coming.

The pain of not being able to sink in to the world of Yuuri!!! On Ice once more is very deep, because that kind of magic is something you just crave once it has entered your life, BUT!!!!

What I need us all to do is to keep reblogging, reposting, retweeting, signing petitions and just keep being loud about the impact Ice Adolescence could have had, as well as how YOI has affected us. As long as we don't loose speed, the relevant people WILL see that this fandom is very much still alive, still active AND STILL GROWING!

I know the movie has been scrapped, BUT I still think that the rights CAN be bought off MAPPA. If not for another attempt at Ice Adolescence, then a second season, which would also be incredible!

I don't know if this is even possible or if it's been done before in Japan, but I've seen it happen with the TV show "Lucifer", and I hope it can be accomplished here too. If not, LET'S SET A PRECEDENT TOGETHER! We have nothing to lose, but we could gain something beautiful!

So, please, everyone, don't stop liking, engaging with and reposting YOI-related content! We have to show that we are still dedicated and interested in this anime, and therefore PROFITABLE so they can potentially invest!

Also, because it's been 8 years, there are bound to be people who haven't heard of YOI, but would watch it, support it and talk about it if they knew about it's existence. Let's give this our all and do our best to get Victor, Yuuri and everyone else back on our screens!!! DON'T LOSE HOPE!

REBLOG THIS AND KEEP YURI ON ICE TRENDING SO WE CAN GET MORE PEOPLE INTERESTED AND AWARE!

#yuri on ice #yoi #victor nikiforov #viktor nikiforov #victuuri #katsuki yuuri #yuuri katsuki #yuri #yuuri #yuuri!!! on ice #iceado #ice Adolescence #yuri katsuki #victor x yuuri #yuri on ice: ice adolescence

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rebeccasteventaylor · 3 months

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There’s something by incredibly trusting, almost intimate in the way Ethan races around cities at top speed, dependant on Benji to guide him and make sure he doesn’t get hurt. He’s been doing without hesitation since Shanghai - Benji say go left, he’s goes left, assuming it’s the right way, no matter what.

That’s why it’s so devastating in Dead Reckoning when Benji’s voice get used to direct Ethan wrongly - suddenly he can’t trust the voice he’s been relying on unwaveringly for over a decade

#benji ethan #benthan

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masterjedilenawrites · 1 year

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Falling For You

This is my gift for the #cloneficgiftexchange, for the lovely @arctrooper69! I'd heard Jesse was the least requested character in this event so I think I have to pick him from your list of options for this prompt! 😁 Poor guy just needs some love...

Please go check out the @cloneficgiftexchange blog for all the other contributions to this great event! Fics are being posted all throughout today (4/8). Spread the love for fandom writers/creators by reblogging!

Jesse x fem!reader | 6.1k words

Content: light angst, hurt/comfort, misunderstandings, injury, pining, fluff, flirting

Prompt: "I know you said you were falling for me but I didn't expect you to actually fall."

Jesse was a huge flirt.

Everyone knew it. He knew it. For reasons you couldn't comprehend, the skilled and strong ARC trooper, with so many good qualities to his name, put an incredible amount of effort into making "huge flirt" his identifying trait. From little winks to obvious showboating, from cute nicknames to devastating pick-up lines, Jesse made his way around the galaxy with nonstop charm.

You'd been amused at first. You'd never known someone so unabashedly flirtatious as him. It was always the highlight of your day to see him saunter up to your desk with a silly eyebrow wiggle or a teasing comment about your glamorous life as an accountant for the GAR. Even seeing him flirt with others made you laugh. Their reactions to him, ranging from bashful giggles to exasperated eye rolls, broke up the monotony of your day like nothing else could. If you'd had to pick back then, you would've said Jesse was your favorite of the clone troopers.

And then one day, he'd crossed a line. Not in an inappropriate way or anything; no, somehow he always managed to be respectful in that regard, even with his more suggestive comments. It was a line that, once crossed, took your feelings into actual "crush" territory. That, you now suspected, was the start of all the misery you currently felt.

He'd called you a hottie. Not the most intimate or special of names, but it had struck a meaningful chord in you.

"Are you kidding? You're a hottie. A total babe. There'd be a line out the door of guys trying to buy you a drink. Right fellas?"

He was responding to an offhand comment you'd made about not being the type of girl to fit in at 79's. Jesse and a few of his brothers were trying to round up a group to visit the clone bar later that night. Maybe the others had agreed with his flattering response, but you hadn't listened beyond that one word.

Hottie.

Not once in your life had anyone described you that way. Hot, sexy... heck, even just attractive... those weren't words anyone associated with you. The few times your appearance was complimented, it was more along the lines of cute. Maybe pretty if you dressed up a bit. You'd spent your whole adult life up to this moment believing you were undesirable to the opposite sex. Jesse changed your mind.

And after that, he was the only man you had eyes for.

His flirting stirred something different in you. It was a mixture of both pleasant tingles and sour pain. Pleasant when his comments were directed toward you. You ate it up, not bothering to hide your blushes as it only egged him on. You wanted his attentions, as much as you could wring out. And sour when he approached others with the same moves. You didn't just want his attention; you wanted all of it. Seeing him make someone else blush and laugh reminded you of all your insecurities, all the ways you knew you were inferior. You wavered back and forth between loving Jesse and all his charms, and hating how quick he was to just give it away so freely.

The 501st had been back on Coruscant for R&R an almost two full weeks now. Plenty of time to send you spiraling. You saw Jesse almost everywhere you went. In the mess hall, in random hallways, at your own desk because apparently it got good sunlight in the afternoons and he cared about that sort of thing.... The only place you could find reprieve was your living quarters, where you found yourself crumpling into bed with emotional exhaustion each evening.

Even when you didn't see Jesse you still heard about him. All of your friends and colleagues around the base were chattering about whatever smooth compliment he'd paid them that day. There was an ongoing debate in the accounting office over who the sexiest clone was, and your ears couldn't help but turn red every time you heard someone arguing for Jesse. And it was guaranteed you'd hear some story over the caf machine about his moves on the dance floor at 79's the night before. You often scurried away before you could catch any further details, like whether he took anyone home with him. Even if it meant you never got to make your caf the way you liked it.

It was ridiculous how crazy this guy was making you. You were convinced he'd only called you a hottie because you felt sorry for you. Right? How else could he put you in the same category of all these other people who were clearly so much better looking. But sometimes, just for a few minutes in the morning, you'd look in the mirror and pretend you were attractive to him, and this lovely feeling of butterflies washed over you. It was the best feeling, to think that someone like him, Jesse, could want you.

And so you'd carry that light and fuzzy feeling around until you inevitably heard another bar story or saw him flash a smile to some random civvie, and then you'd come crashing down in insecurities all over again.

Just when you were considering maybe seeking some professional help, you found yourself crossing his path just outside the training rooms.

"Whoa!" Jesse exclaimed as you both rounded the same corner and almost collided. He quickly reached out to grasp your shoulders and keep you from falling over. His chest, you immediately noticed, as it was mere inches from your face, was bare and dripping in sweat.

"Easy there, cutie," he chuckled, the first to recover from the surprise.

Cutie. A far cry from being hot. You shuffled back and mumbled an apology, finding it difficult to meet his eyes. Equally difficult was not staring at his shimmering muscles. Your eyes flitted around, searching for something else to fixate on instead.

"What are you doing down here? I thought you said accountants didn't work out. Something about your bodies only being a transport for your heads?" He gave another chuckle and started dabbing his face with a towel. You were surprised he'd remembered that joke you'd made months ago.

"Oh, um..." You were still awkwardly looking around the hallway and it took you an embarrassing amount of time to remember why you were there. "Yeah no, I was uh, meeting with a manufacturer. Had to get some quotes to replace some of the exercise equipment."

Jesse's face lit up just as your eyes flicked to his. Your stomach twisted pleasantly.

"We're getting new equipment? Finally! Half my workout is just trying to get the kriffing treadmill to turn on."

"We'll see," you quickly tried to warn him from getting his hopes up. "It's not cheap, and with the increases in spending for munitions this quarter, there's not a whole lot of funds left to allocate for things like this. I'll have to make a pitch to shift some assets around, or possibly delay that upgrade to the... what?"

You noticed Jesse was chuckling again.

"Oh I love it when you talk budgets to me, sweetheart."

You could feel your cheeks heating up. You weren't sure how to respond, which seemed to amuse Jesse even further. He playfully swatted the towel toward your side as he started to go past you, ready to move on to wherever he'd been headed before.

"Hey, you doing anything later? You know, after you're done with all those funds and assets and whatever?"

You turned to see him walking slowly backward, waiting for your answer. Was he asking you out or merely making chitchat? It didn't seem like a casual offer, or an afterthought, though you couldn't be sure.

"Um, depends." It was your default line anytime someone asked about your availability. Vague enough and non-committal in either direction. You never got trapped into plans you didn't want to be part of, and you were never impolite about it.

"Depends?" he quirked his eyebrow and stopped walking. "Well aren't you a coy one. Didn't realize I'd need to impress you so much."

You weren't sure how to respond to that either. You were all sorts of tongue tied and you were still doing a poor job of not checking out his chest.

"Okay, okay, hear me out," he went on, not seeming too put out by your response. "I know you're not into the bar scene, but there's gonna be this local band at 79's tonight... they do more acoustics and vocals, so, you know, it'll be pretty low key. And a lot of the guys are set on getting tattoos tonight which means it won't be as crowded. I don't know, figured you might be more into that?"

"And... this would be... with you?"

For the first time, you started to see cracks in Jesse's confidence. Just barely. Hairline fractures. Subtle enough to fool anyone who wasn't paying attention, but as evident to you as if they were your own. Jesse cleared his throat and slung the towel over his shoulder, trying to play it off.

"I mean, yeah. If you wanted to. I just have tonight, we finally got our next deployment and it'll be a while so... well, you know, just wanted to spend my last night here with some good company."

This time you did know how to respond, but for some reason your voice wouldn't cooperate. You wanted to holler Yes! and jump for joy, wrap your arms around his neck and give him a smooch. ARC trooper Jesse, the debonair soldier, the only man you had eyes for, was asking for your company.

You heard your name followed by a Hellooo? and suddenly there was a hand waving in front of your face.

"I'm trying to ask you out, girl. You gotta give me something here!" Jesse laughed, and the warmth in his smile brought you back to reality.

"Yes," you breathed, and then swallowed and said more clearly, "yes, of course! I... I would love to."

"Really?"

You nodded enthusiastically. Jesse made a little fist pump.

"Yes! You had me worried for a second there." He started walking backwards again. "But okay, cool. Um, I gotta clean up, and then we got a few mission briefings. Let's meet there at, say... 5? Happy hour, so first round can be on me."

He winked and you giggled, feeling your cheeks heat up again.

"5 o'clock," you confirmed.

"Can't wait, beautiful!" he called over his shoulder as he finally turned around skipped through the fresher door at the end of the hall.

* * *

The rest of your day went by at an agonizing pace, but you finally got off work and could have a little moment of celebration in your quarters, complete with squealing into your pillow and dancing all around. You didn't have too much time to get ready, which ended up being a blessing as you would have surely spent hours cycling through various outfit combinations. You were able to pick the first outfit that came to your mind - cute, comfortable, and very you - without doubting or changing your mind. You spent the rest of your time taming your hair and calming your nerves.

Your anxieties only crept in occasionally, asking such annoying questions as whether you were the only one he'd asked out like this during his time off, or whether he would've found a way to ask you even had you not run into him in the halls.

But there had been joy in his smiles, relief in those tense and deliciously muscular shoulders when you'd agreed. He'd seemed so genuine. How could you worry about whether you were good enough when he'd very clearly asked you out?

So you shoved those pesky thoughts to the side, in a way you hadn't known how to do earlier when there were so many unknowns and uncertainties about the situation. Jesse liked you, he wanted to spend time with you before leaving. That was that.

You got to 79's only a few minutes early and placed yourself comfortably at the bar to wait. He'd been right, it was not crowded or boisterous at all. There were still plenty of people, clones and civvies alike, but enough booths were still open that you wouldn't have trouble finding somewhere to really relax once Jesse showed up.

You gave him about twenty minutes without worry. His meetings could've run long, or the Coruscanti traffic could've held him up. No big deal. You asked for a water from the bartender so you didn't seem rude, and patiently sipped through it while you scrolled on your datapad to pass the time.

As 5:30 drew nearer, though, you began to get concerned. Was he okay? You cursed yourself for not asking for his number, just in case. You glanced around the bar, wishing someone from his troop was here so you could ask. You decided to chance talking to an older, bearded clone who sat just a few seats from you.

"Excuse me, you wouldn't happen to know anyone from the 501st, would you?"

The clone nodded back with a little laugh. "I know some. The ARC troopers, anyway. They're regulars. Doesn't look like they're showing up tonight though. Were you wanting to meet them?"

"Well, I had a date with one. Jesse. I guess he's running a little late. Wasn't sure how to get ahold of him, make sure he's okay."

The clone's eyes narrowed.

"Jesse? Huh, didn't picture him for the dating type. Well, anyway, maybe you're right, just running late. Here, let me order you a drink while you wait."

Now you felt awkward. Silly. Just a silly little girl, sipping a silly little cocktail, waiting for a silly little date she was probably too excited for to begin with. That was always the danger, wasn't it? Get your hopes up too high and it hurts that much more when they come back down.

5:30 turned into 6. Couples passed by, filling up seats around the band that had finally started playing. Clones came up to the bar to order, passing you a pitying look before taking their drinks back to their pretty dates.

6:05. What if he had meant 6? What if you had mis-remembered the time? No, you were pretty sure he'd mentioned happy hour, and there were signs all over the bar about that hour being from 5 to 6.

6:10. Whatever you would've found to do on your datapad had you stayed home for the evening didn't seem to exist now that you were here. You fiddled with a napkin, folding and unfolding until it was falling apart.

6:15. You started thinking about what time you should call it quits and head home. Was it weird you hadn't left by now? Should you have tried harder to get ahold of him sooner?

6:17.

"Hey beautiful! Oh good, you got a drink." Jesse was suddenly by your side, draping an arm around your back and placing a quick peck to the side of your head. He then leaned forward to catch the bartender's attention, not seeing your look of incredulity. Behind him was another trooper, one of the 501st medics, who gave you a polite nod but otherwise looked too grumpy to be there.

"Sorry I'm late, Kix here was moping in the med bay and I had to literally drag his ass off the floor to get him over here."

Jesse was all smiles as he leaned an elbow on the bar and finally took a look at you. He whistled.

"Damn, you look great!"

You were momentarily speechless. You didn't know what to make of this. The casual apology for his tardiness, the fact he'd brought someone else along. But then a couple beers were placed on the counter and he swept them up, nodding his head toward the wall of booths in the back.

"Come on, let's find some seats!"

You hesitated only for a moment before getting up to follow. He'd finally shown up. The evening wouldn't be a total waste. You could talk to him about it later, and definitely make sure to swap numbers so this wouldn't happen again.

Jesse and Kix slid into opposite sides of an empty booth in the far corner, positioned slightly behind where the band was set up so there wasn't a great view. Jesse patted the seat next to him for you to join and gave you another dazzling smile as you slid in.

"You really do look great," he said in a low voice by your ear, making you blush and conjuring up memories of that time he'd called you a hottie. He had his arm along the back of the booth, just behind your head, and you could feel the warmth radiating off him from such a close position.

"Thanks, so do you," you whispered back. He laughed and shook his head, but you meant it. He had a blue sort of vest over his blacks that made him look fit and clean. He also smelled nice and it took all your willpower not to lean in to take a big whiff.

"Hey, lighten up, grouchy pants," Jesse called over to Kix, who was glaring into his beer like it had personally offended him. Jesse raised his own beer in a salute. "This is way better than crying on the floor."

"I wasn't crying on the floor," Kix huffed. "And how is this better? I can't even see the band from here."

"Music's meant to be listened to anyway," Jesse shrugged him off.

"What's his deal?" you asked.

Jesse rolled his eyes. "Some girl he liked made fun of his tattoo idea and now he won't get one."

"I shaved my head for it and everything," Kix lamented.

You held back a snicker. You wished you could ask Jesse why his brother's woes meant he needed to join your date. But not only did you not want to seem rude, but the band switched to a new song that had a faster tempo and for some reason the volume also increased as a result. You were having a hard time hearing your own thoughts; conversation with Jesse would be even more tricky.

The next hour passed in an awkward blur. Jesse flagged down a waitress to refill your cocktail, calling her all the same names he'd been calling you today. Sweetheart, cutie... You tried to ignore the sinking feeling in your stomach.

Two more rounds came after that, and you gladly downed each drink just to give yourself something to do. You tried asking him a few questions to get to know him better, but he'd end up turning his answer into some kind of a joke. Most of them were pretty funny, but after a while you got frustrated that he wasn't actually sharing anything with you. He did try to maintain a few conversations, but it was hard to keep things flowing when the band alternated between soft, twinkly instrumentals, and noisy, upbeat rock vocals. And then there was Kix, who had taken up sketching new tattoo ideas on napkins and would ask every five minutes to give your opinions on them.

And then the rest of the 501st piled in, proudly showing off their new ink around the club. Jesse seemed delighted to see them and waived them over, much to your disappointment. He pulled at your arm to get you to slide further into the booth with him, making room for a few clones to slip in, clunky armor and all.

"What you do think?" Hardcase stood at the head of the booth, unabashedly holding up his shirt to reveal a continuation of the blue lines on his head down across his torso.

A chorus of opinions and stories erupted. Fives was trying to reenact Hardcase's squeals as he'd gotten tattooed. Rex was trying to get the clone to pull his shirt back down. Several were ragging on Kix for not joining. And Jesse was laughing hysterically through it all.

You loved to see him so happy, you really did. And maybe it was just the four drinks that were now messing with your head, but you couldn't shake how out of place you felt, sitting in a booth surrounded by clone troopers on what was supposed to be a date between you and Jesse. You had nothing to contribute, no reason for them to pay you any attention. You sat in the middle of a group of people you barely knew, feeling more alone than you had when you'd been waiting at the bar.

Just as you were wondering how you could possibly get out of the booth without making a scene, Kix finally caved in to Fives's nagging about getting his original tattoo idea after all, and the whole lot collectively shimmied out of the booth. You felt Jesse's hand on your elbow, guiding you out. You turned to him once you were both standing.

"Are we really going to a tattoo parlor now?" you asked, hoping he'd see how badly you didn't want to be part of this plan.

"It'll be quick. I think there's an ice cream place near too, we can go there when we're done."

He flashed a reassuring grin and it almost gave you a little bit of hope back. You couldn't remember if you'd ever told him you loved ice cream or if it was a lucky guess. But when you tried to ask if you could just hang out at the ice cream place while the others went for more tattoos, Jesse had already turned to jump on Kix and give him a hard time about crying in the med bay again.

Your ears were ringing from a combination of alcohol, loud music, and annoyance. You couldn't take it anymore. You stepped aside from the group and just gazed at the man who had supposedly wanted your company, and now seemed more content to be in the company of others.

You felt a hand on your shoulder and turned to see Rex, looking over you with concern. "Are you alright? You don't look so good. Do you want us to take you home to rest?"

You shook your head, all you could manage in response at first. Tears had suddenly sprung into your eyes, you weren't sure why. Maybe because it was the first time someone had offered to do something you wanted tonight.

"Are you sure? I can get you some water or...."

"No, thank you," you finally found your words. "I can get myself home. I'll be fine."

"We can take you..."

"No, really, I'm fine. Just, tell Jesse I'll see him tomorrow before he leaves, okay?"

You hurried off before he could offer any further help, and before you would be caught with tears down your cheeks. You didn't want to make a scene, you didn't want to ruin Jesse's fun. But you didn't get far before the clone was calling your name, grasping the back of your arm and turning you to face him.

"Hey, what's the matter, sweetheart?"

If he hadn't used a nickname, you might have tried to play it off. But you remembered distinctly, even in the midst of your intoxication, the last person he'd called a sweetheart was the waitress in the busty crop top. Something in you snapped.

"Am I a joke to you?"

And there they were, those small cracks in his confidence, reemerging and widening before your eyes. Realization pulled the edges apart more and more as you spoke.

"You made me wait for over an hour. Do you know how ridiculous I felt, sitting at that bar all by myself, wondering what time meant you didn't actually care? And then you did finally come, and not only did I barely get an apology, and definitely no acknowledgement of how much my time you wasted without good reason, but I also didn't even get a proper date. I had to sit through all your flirting, only it wasn't directed at me, but to another woman who's paid to pretend your jokes are funny. You didn't answer any of my questions about yourself. You didn't even ask if I wanted a different drink, you just kept ordering the same one. The music also sucks, by the way. And now we're headed off to hang out with your brothers, people you see every day? While I'm the one you're going to leave tomorrow when you deploy?"

You weren't shouting, and somehow you'd even managed to hold in most of your tears, but your exasperated rant did have the intended affect of making Jesse feel like shit. You could see it written all over him. Remorseful eyes, pleading hands on yours, mouth opening and closing in a desperate attempt to find the words to make things right.

"And you know what really sucks?" you continued, feeling your speech start to slur a bit more in your emotional exhaustion. "I do still like you, Jesse. In fact, I think I've fallen for you. You're normally so good, so attentive and... and... simply wonderful. I just don't understand why you couldn't be that way tonight. For me."

Something dawned on you, something you'd suspected before, all those times you caught him flirting around the base with everyone he came across. Those insecurities found their way back to the surface and claimed their victory.

"It's because it's me, isn't it?" you choked. "You don't really care for me, do you?"

The tears were definitely going to fall now. You could hear him saying your name, you could feel him gripping your hands more firmly, but just then the rest of the 501st went marching by, oblivious to the moment you two were caught in, hollering after Jesse to get his ass out the door before they kicked it. It was distraction enough for you to slip out of his grasp and make a beeline for the refreshers.

The ladies room was on the second floor, a narrow flight of stairs serving as the only barrier between you and your chosen hideout. Unfortunately, it created the perfect storm. You were halfway up, alcohol complicating your ability to balance, tears clouding your vision, and apparently at some point earlier in the evening, someone had left a nice puddle of their insides on one of the steps.

You heard your name being called from behind, startling you, just as your foot made contact with the vomit. You turned, slipped, and next think you knew, you were tumbling painfully down the steps. Later, you'd be grateful that you were unconscious by the time you reached the bottom, crumpled on the floor beneath the only man you had eyes for.

* * *

You regained consciousness with a splitting headache and a heavy heart. You remembered everything almost immediately.

It took a few moments for your vision to swim back into focus, revealing a curtained-off corner of the med bay where you were laid on a gurney with a thin blanket draped over your frame. You could tell you weren't wearing the same clothes from before based on the odd, stiff texture you felt against your skin. Possibly a medical gown? One of your arms was also hooked up to an IV, the monitor glowing faintly off to the side.

In front of you, in what little space was left between the bed and wall, was Jesse, pacing. Back and forth, back and forth. He was clearly in distress, wringing the edge of his shirt and looking for all the world like he was waiting for news on whether you'd live or die.

As conflicted as you still felt about your first date with him, you figured you'd better put him out of his misery.

"It's not that bad, is it?" you croaked out.

The clone wasted no time in rushing to your side, trading his shirt for your free hand, grasping it so tightly you winced. His palms were sweaty.

"No, no Kix said you were going to be fine," Jesse reassured. "Just a cut on your head, there, above your eye."

You touched at the indicated spot, feeling a short row of stitches along your eyebrow.

"And a few bruises on your back," he added. Made sense why you were now in a medical gown, they had to check for further damage. "And the IV is for your hangover.

You groaned. "Well if this isn't the most embarrassing thing I've done..."

Jesse made a sort of gasping laugh, like he was surprised to remember there was humor in the galaxy. "Yeah. I know you said you were falling for me but I didn't expect you to actually fall."

You glared over at him, but only for a moment. He was a deer in headlights, waiting to see if his attempt to lighten the mood had gone too far. You started laughing, a silent laugh that still shook your chest enough to hurt. You went back to groaning.

"You know I'm still upset with you."

"I know, I know," Jesse hurried to affirm. He scooted a chair over to be closer and looked up at you with those soft, brown, desperate eyes you'd last seen in the bar. He truly looked miserable. "You have every right to be. The date was a disaster and it was all my fault. I was an idiot, I never meant to make you feel that way."

You nodded but didn't have anything else to say that you hadn't already.

"And for the record, you're not a joke. You're far from it. You're... you're..." He was stuttering, licking his lips as if parched. You'd never seen him - Jesse, the huge flirt - act so unsure of himself, especially when trying to pay a compliment.

He reached for your hand again but held it more gently this time, more reverently. He studied it, as if the words he needed were written on your skin. "It is you, but not in that way you thought. It's always been you. For me. But I guess I did a piss poor job of making sure you knew that tonight."

He flicked his eyes back up to yours, questioning, cautious.

"So..." you tried to wrap your head around what he was confessing. "All those things you've said, about how I looked, and how smart I am... all that. You meant it?"

"Of course I did." Jesse gave you a small but sincere smile.

"But... you've said all those things to other people, too. Did you mean it to them?"

His smiled fainted as he thought about your question and what his flatteries looked like from your perspective. He bowed his head for a moment before looking back up at you. "I just want people to feel good about themselves. One of my first experiences off of Kamino, I came across this woman who'd lost her husband, and that wasn't something we were prepared for. All the ways the war actually hurt people. But then I started talking about her hair and how it looked like silk, and she just lit up. And I don't know, I guess I got addicted, making other people feel good like that. You never know what someone else may be going through. They can be smiling and still need that little pick-me-up, you know?"

Your gaze never wavered from him as he spoke. This was more than you ever knew about the man, and you couldn't deny how it made your chest feel simultaneously tense and mushy.

"And yeah, maybe I lay it on a little thicker sometimes when I'm actually interested for myself, you know, not just making someone's day better. And you don't know who may fire back until you shoot your shot. But I'd always hoped it'd be you. That's why I never gave up, even when everyone told me to. They said you weren't interested. I thought you were just shy."

"I am," you whispered, suddenly self conscious. It was clear now that the soldier had frequented the accounting office more than he had any other reason to, that it was not the only office to get good sun in the afternoons if that was truly his excuse.

"I wish you'd told me," you added. "This is the sort of thing I was trying to learn about you earlier."

Jesse's rueful eyes returned. "Ah, yes, on the worst date in history, brought to you by this dummy."

"It wasn't the worst. Bad, yes, but sadly I have been on worse."

Jesse didn't seem comforted by that. He shook his head. "Would it surprise you to know I, uh... I've never been on a date?"

You blinked at him in surprise.

"Not that that's any excuse," he quickly added.

"Right, but, you didn't know what to do." You felt like you were starting to understand him more. "You did what you knew. What you were comfortable with."

"I kept making jokes because I thought if you weren't laughing then you weren't having a good time. I kept ordering the same drink because I didn't know you might want something else, I thought that was what you wanted and I wanted to..."

"You wanted to make me happy."

"And you wanted to feel special."

You gazed at each other for a long moment, exchanging looks of regret and realization. It was an unfortunate evening, but probably not avoidable. There had been enough misunderstanding from both of you that would've always led you to the same moment. You couldn't have known how the other felt, what they wanted, where they were coming from, until you'd gotten to know each other. And you couldn't have gotten to know each other without the misalignments being revealed.

He was the first to speak again, still feeling miserable about the whole thing. "I was late. I could've at least got that right. I lose track of time, sometimes. I don't know why."

He hung his head but you gave his hand a reassuring squeeze to show him you were okay, and he relaxed in your grip in return, giving you a relieved, though still sheepish, smile.

"I wish you weren't leaving tomorrow," you said quietly. "I feel like we need a do-over on our date now."

Jesse perked up. "What do you mean? This first one's not over yet! There's still time to redeem it."

You looked about the room. "Doesn't seem very romantic. No food. No music. I'm in a tacky gown."

"Nonsense, you look hot."

Jesse held up a finger and ducked behind the curtain. He was gone for only a minute, but your cheeks were still flushed by the time he got back.

"What, you like that one? Hot?" he grinned.

You looked shyly away but still gave a nod.

"Noted."

He had a handful of what looked to be protein bars and a datapad that he deposited onto the bed beside you.

"Food, aaand..." he tapped a few times on the pad until some sort of lo-fi jazz started playing, "... music."

You giggled. "You stole these from Kix, didn't you?"

"His office is in the next room," Jesse laughed with you. "I know it's not glamorous and you deserve a much better do-over from me, but..."

"It's perfect," you whispered, grabbing his hand again. "There is one thing, though."

"Yeah?" he asked eagerly.

"Well, this cut on my head is kind of hurting. Maybe you could... kiss it better?"

You couldn't believe the words that were coming out of your mouth, but you knew with Jesse they'd be received well. And boy did his face light up.

He wasted no time in leaning over you, carefully placing a hand by your side to brace himself, and bringing the other up to cradle the opposite side of your face. His breath ghosted over the stitched up cut, sending pleasant shivers down your spine. Then he finally planted his lips softly over it, letting them linger for a few seconds before pulling back.

"What other names do you like?" he asked, his voice low but tinged with a sort of playfulness that kept the mood light in the midst of these more intimate gestures. "We'll take them off the table for anyone else. They'll only belong to you."

He'd sat himself down next to you and was now lifting up the hand with the IV. You watched, enamored as he brought it toward his lips.

"I like sweetheart," you breathed.

He kissed just above where the IV was taped, a smile behind his action. "Sweetheart. What else?"

"Beautiful."

"I meant, what else is injured so I can kiss it?" he teased. You used your hand to swat at him, even though it hurt a little, and he laughed.

"There were bruises on your back right?" he pretended to lift your gown and you swatted again, this time with your good hand.

"That sort of behavior is for the second date, sir," you laughed. "Or maybe the third or fourth. We'll see."

Jesse brought a pair of protein bars around and made a mock salute with you. "To future dates, then, beautiful."

~ ~ ~

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#star wars #the clone wars #one shot #clone trooper jesse #arc trooper jesse #jesse x reader #hurt/comfort #fluff #flirting #cloneficgiftexchange

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theflyindutchwoman · 11 months

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Everyone seems to think it was so romantic when Tim said "I can't lose you the way I lost her", but I honestly can't.

To me it implies that he's ok with losing Lucy in any other way, just not in that especific way he lost Isabel.

Like his biggest fear is not losing Lucy, is going through those traumatic events again.

Which is totally valid and understandable, but I fail see romance in that. I just see Isabel's shadow looming over their relationship.

I really enjoy your analysis, help me see what others see. Thanks!

To be honest, I don't know if romantic is the word I'd use either, though I can understand this perspective… I can't speak for others, of course, but what resonated with me is the humanity and the extreme vulnerability that Lucy and Tim portrayed in this scene. This is about them sharing their deepest fears and that is something incredibly intimate and personal. Important too.

To me it implies that he's ok with losing Lucy in any other way, just not in that especific way he lost Isabel. I mean, if you were to take this out of context, maybe… But as it is, this sentence doesn't exist in a vacuum. Never mind that we're talking about the same man who was ready to cross a line when Lucy was missing, who needed to embrace her for a while to reassure himself she was alive… Earlier in the episode, he practically had a heart attack watching her get shot at and was only able to breathe again once he saw she was unharmed. He was still so rattled that it almost cost him his life a few minutes later. So no, this isn't a man who is even remotely OK with losing her, regardless of the way. And I don't think this is what the writers intended to imply.

Let's get back to what Tim says : 'Listen, I need you to take it seriously if I ever sound the alarm about something. Otherwise, the pain of what I went through will have been for nothing, and I can't lose you the way I lost her'. There's something so profoundly human and relatable in how he is trying to find a meaning behind his pain. To convince himself that what he went through must have been for something. This is how many react after a tragedy or a trauma. And for him, the meaning is related to Lucy. In his mind, if his experience can help her avoid some of the pitfalls of undercover work, can ensure that they make it through, then his pain wouldn't have been for nothing… He's trying to find a way to turn a traumatic experience into something positive.

Like his biggest fear is not losing Lucy, is going through those traumatic events again. See, I understand this part a bit differently - I think his biggest fear is to see LUCY go through something like that. To lose HER that way. Watching the people you love lose themselves and their light fade away while being powerless to stop it, is soul crushing. It's brutal. He barely survived it with Isabel… Going through that all over again, with Lucy, who is so empathetic, who has been his light from the start, would be completely devastating. This isn't just reliving his trauma that terrifies him… It's reliving it with Lucy. And this fear is particularly tangible in that moment… Because Isabel just came back into his life. Everything is a bit more tender, more raw. Especially since they spent time talking about her time as an undercover agent. That had to stir up some memories. You can't erase life experience. And a few days later, Lucy had to go undercover… where she could have died. Tim can be very good at compartmentalising, but not so much when it comes to her. By the time they made it back to her apartment, he was reaching his boiling point. And fear took over.

I do think it was important for Lucy to make sure he understood she was different. Otherwise, it is unfair to her. And they needed to have this conversation. To set some boundaries. But I'm not really sure Isabel's shadow is looming over their relationship either… Until that episode, he had never said anything to indicate such a thing - with the exception of his outburst in 3.06. And notice that this was pre-relationship and right after his friend ODed. Other than that, he has been nothing but supportive, even going as far as encouraging Lucy to go to UC school. So it's not like there is a pattern. Yet. Who knows where this storyline will go.

The way I see it, relationships are not about perfection. It's about communicating even when it's hard, it's about choosing someone with all their flaws, not despite of them. It's about finding someone who can help you carry your baggage and who you can help carry theirs. Because we all have baggage. Some bigger than others, but we all do. And this is where I can see the romantic aspect. Because none of this is new to either of them. Lucy knew all about his hang-ups and Isabel and Tim knew all about her choice of doing undercover work. And yet, they both chose to take that leap of faith, they both believe that the other is worth the effort and the risk. They choose to communicate, even when their instincts would be to pretend that everything is alright. They choose each other and help each other when it's hard, when it gets uncomfortable… And that's romantic to me. I can understand if you feel differently though. I hope this answers your question :)

#ask & ye shall receive #the rookie #chenford #tim bradford #lucy chen

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moonliched · 8 months

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Hello again dearest! In such a short time there are already two chapters? What, and what chapters they are! You really outdid yourself with those. I hope you won't mind me rumbling once again.

I love what you did with Y/n and bon-bon. The introvert that keeps a lot to themselves due to the way they were raised and what they experienced wanting to have time for themselves since their once oasis is now swarming with people and they feel like they might have lost one of a few friends they have. And the Ai that is separated from all and though he doesn't want to admit it is very lonely, wants to be included wholly in life of an only person he considers a friend and still figuring out feelings, boundaries and all. Bon-Bon is terrified of being alone again seen by everyone as nothing more but code. He got so scared when Y/n wanted to leave without him, imidiatly assuming he did something wrong. It's devastating that he thought It was some kind of sick blackmail. I understand him but y/n also needs private time, especially when they want to clear their head. It shows they really care about each other even though sometimes it's hard. I really liked what you are doing with it. This problem, dare is say conflict is in no way out of character for either of them. It adds to them a lot. But well I didn't expect less from you dear with developing relationships I'm your fic ❤️

It's cute how Sun treated Y/n as some stray cat. I adopted a very timid and fearful dog a few years back, and I laughed so hard when Sun said the same thing I was saying when I tried to comfort my dog. The "please don't run". Sun just saw a cool water puppy and went to adopt instantly lol.

Sun seeing a weird water puppy aviable for adoption - : )

The weird water puppy appears to be fully sentient and can talk (although eats raw food -a little weird) - :0 ---> : D

The image of Sun trembling with excitement is just so precious to me. I really like what you did with his character there. I said before that you are incredibly good in writing an interesting individuals with the others ( Especially Vanessa) but I have to say it again. You balanced him really good. He is still very giddy and easily excitable but he is not stupid. He is talkative and trusting but he can be ominous and kinda manipulative when he needs to. Not to mention bold and confronting - the scrabble with Moon. Although very considerate about well being of others - when he peirced Y/n's skin. Also sneaky little bastard knows exactly how to use his cuteness in his advantage. It amazes me how well such contrasting characteristics sit so well within one character. It doesn't feel forced or out of character when he changes attitude, everything goes smoothly and pleasant. You did a great job darling!

Y/n gave him truth, raw fish and a few laughs and he is all in for a sleepover in their *ekhem* nest. Which from different sentences can mean a lot to a mermaid. I also think that y/n broke the barrier by showing them were they sleep. I think that for mermaids it's very intimate and private thing that not many may know about. As they said something might swim in and attack, it's better to keep the strangers away. That's also why I think Sun was so excited about seeing it - he saw it as a big step in the relationship he so desires. But who can blame him? Y/n pinned him to a wall like a true Chad they are, Sun really felt that highshooler rizz. He had to reboot after lolol

Sun: it's okay, we are friends! Don't panic

Y/n swiftly pins Sun to the wall wrapping themselves around him in a protective grip

Sun: (squidward voice) Oh no they are hot

I love Y/n's and Sun dynamic! They match each other very well. They are very cute together. You are amazing! Their interactions are very pleasent to read!

I like that you keep good communication within them. From Moon confronting y/n about injuries on his Sun, and y/n explaining what happened. No lying, no place for insinuations. Because once again. Communication 👏 Is 👏 the key👏

- although he didn't do it first thing, shame on him, but we can all agree sometimes when we think the one we love has been hurt it's hard to control yourself. Especially when Moon started developing feelings for y/n, it must have been really confusing experience for him. Not only emotions from noticing the injury on Sun. But adding to that, hurt, sadness, anger, confusion and the feeling of betrayal that all clues lead to that someone that you care about did it. I can imagine it was awful and going by that his conversation with us was very calm. -

Y/n putting boundaries about what they not feel comfortable with and Sun respecting them ( as best as he can) I'd lovely COMMUNICATION PEOPLE look at Sun and Moon - bad communication = problems and hurt feelings. Not good. I hope y/n will teach them some healthy talking you go Queen. It's funny they sent them on a couple therapy trip together.

And Ohoho Moon you secretive little gremlin. Although I understand his concern af first, he might not wanted to inform Sun about it out of fear Y/n might be dangerous or not interested in contact with them at all, and wanted to save Sun from disappointment, as we see he tends to excite too much and as we saw the idea of a new company is just making him explode with emotions. And also I can understand trying to keep someone you care about to yourself while you still try to develop the solid relationship with them. Although I do think Moon was a little selfish there. He has a lot of explaining and apologising to do when they get back home.

And oooo I love Sun and Moon's relationship! Although they aren't in their best moments now, you cwn still see the affection shine through. ya knooow, calling him his. Ya know. Also the soft shoulder bump Moon did at the end of the chapter and wrist grab so so so cute.

And ohoho I do feel the unnamed jealousy from y/n seeing the two as the romantic partners. It is not big, but it is there. I see it blooming jnto some future drama. I love your foreshadowing.

Lolol Moon was trying to give y/n raw fish at the beginning of the fic not because that was what he eats but because y/n tried to feed him raw food while he was trapped. Now he thinks they enjoy it like that. It's so funny to me. I am loving this. He was like weird flex but OK have some more. Oh lichie you are amazing and a genius I wasn't seeing that coming in any way. It gave me such a big surprise and smile!

I think Sun seeing them eating oysters raw and (in their eyes) not knowing what cooking is, will solidify this idea in their heads. I mean y/n didn't really tell Sun they know what cooking is. He felt he has to explain it to them. So as far as they are concerned humans eat their food raw. Oh I Love it. And what's funny it's kinda accurate with our mc, I mean they do have different taste being half water creature. And ooh he will for sure be teasing Moon about being fed raw fish as a form of revenge.

I started wondering how would they cook I mean baby boy what u cooking with? A gazer? What u seasoning with? A kelp? Where your stove at? This chapter had MANY big lore things dropped at us. Like the Sun remembering about walking, or something about the pictures he saw. I have no clue were will it lead but I am excited to find out!

I love how Eclipse is just vibing in the background. I don't know if you will introduce him to us in the future but either way it's very pleasent writing in both cases - giving him his screen time, before he truly appears - giving us a lot of his character in the way. And if you decide to keep him in the background it's a nice world building, An addition that he is there just vibing and minding his own business. Doing mer stuff.

Moon sees an alien - tries to study them.

Sun sees an alien - tries to befriend them.

Eclipse sees an alien - nuh huh, I ain't playin with this, peace.

He is such a cute little big guy wondering around I love him.

I think it is very lovely that Sun has to now experience everything about y/n just like Moon has. He noticed them having second skin (although didn't comment on it) and unfortunately had to experience their softness and lack of scales. Better sooner than later seeing how energetic he is I wonder If he will ask Moon about his knowledge about us or will try to figure us out on his own like a little game of his.

I wonder what their reaction would be if Y/n let their hair loose. It could kinda imitate Sun fins in the way! And I imagine while out of the water they would be much longer than their braids! Creating the smooth curtain almost to the ground. And like when I think about it , it could be so magical for them that we can 'form' our 'fins' as we wish in a matter of seconds. One second in the water it's a magnificent crown around our head, next second it's a slick, long thing almost as long as our form. Moon saw us in the different hairstail yes but it was still tied up!

Oh! I love the way you represent their biological and cultural differences. It's such a soft and intriguing thing. With all characters being mesmerised by another. Wanting to get to know more about them and explore them. I really enjoy moments like that when little things as a cartwheel brought them so much joy. It is a very nice world building.

I am very curious what's the deal about readers name. Is it just a way to keep the story y/n friendly without an usage of a name? They can't pronounce it? Or is there something more to it? Is giving your name a big deal for a mermaid? Sun didn't give us his after all... Sun's reaction intrigued me.

And the idea of Sun dragging himself into Y/n's room is so funny and possible at the same time. Give him directions and, oh there he goes. On his way. I would love to see boys sneaking into Y/n room to have a slumber party, I think they would love blankets. Although I don't know if it will be possible to them to do so. Can you imagine being Roxy heading out to get a snack only for a big mermaid to drag itself rapidly into another hallway fallowed by another one. Oh I Love it

I hope Moon and y/n will be able to mend what was broken. As much as I understand y/n, their attitude and conclusions that Moon tried to drown them I felt sorry for a guy. I don't know what was he planing but he seemed terrified when we recalled it as a drowning or a murder attempt. It's awesome they talked about it, and that he apologised! But damn fish boy I don't know how many shiny stones you have there but you better start packing an apology basket with oysters and all to bring back to them.

I loved your little memes at the end, as delightful as always. But now I can't stop thinking about future possibility of mer boys going into flirt frenzy trying to plafuly one each other up with flirting with Y/n.so precious. Ahh! I loved this chapter so much, I already read it twice, so much has happened and I'm loving it! I hope you have a good day dearest! Rest well you deserve it after giving us such a snack. Again hope you don't mind my rambling I just loved it so much and had to vent!

Kisses🌸

omg hello again! ahskdkjsjkdlejkdkdllsnkl i am being SPOILED by this massive ask, it's like a shopping binge receipt!

you're so spot-on, it's reassuring😭 i was worried the BON-BON scene would come off as one side being definitely in the right, the other in the wrong - when actually they've both got their baggage to work thru

i saw someone say that Sun was having his horse girl moment with Y/N and the oysters, and now i can't unsee it! Y/N gets oysters and Sun gets a free water puppy agsjsjshjsjshj

i'm trying hit good communication without slipping into therapy speak, like if everyone spoke perfectly and solved things logically there would be little plot imo😥 but also yayyy communication (when it moves the plot) all my homies like communication!

i got more food n cooking stuff coming up! very excited :3

regarding the name, Y/N is a reader insert character so no name will be written into the text. i haven't decided if this will be outright stated in the story just yet, but in-universe their name sounds extremely similar to a bad word in Sun and Moon's clicky mermaid language lol. like obv it sounds like clicks and chirps, but their name's direct translation would be a bad word. Sun hasn't passed along his real name yet bc of a few reasons: he didn't want his cool new nickname slipping away in favour of his normal real name, plus atp he still hadn't ironed out the issue of Moon's lies which had Y/N at the centre of them. he's not good at going slow, but common sense says to try to keep something back until he can figure out what's going on there, y'know? also, saying his real name requires gill usage which Y/N doesn't have. he's still going to try to teach them later tho lol - he's pretty optimistic💛

also, i personally refer to Y/N as Meryn (mer as in mermaid, and Y/N), to differentiate them from my other self insert characters

i can totally picture Sun and Moon trying to one-up each other without any stakes, maybe to see who can make Y/N the most flustered... hm...😋

you're welcome to ramble anytime you want, i love it (and everyone puts up with my rambles enough!) this was a dream to read!! i hope you have an amazing day💖✨💖✨💖✨

#ask #There Are Many Benefits

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