#something something 'the scary and untrustworthy love interests'

[popcornaddict500]

Dating TS Olivia is all fun and games until

[ponett]

Do you have any advice for people making OCs/sonas? Yours are really well rounded and unique and I'd greatly appreciate the insight of someone who got a passion project off the ground!

So this is a very broad topic, and it varies a lot based on your own creative goals, what kind of characters you're creating, and where you want to use them. Creating an OC to be used in furry pinups is a little different than creating one for a dramatic story. But I'll try to give some general advice on how I do things for the types of characters and stories I tend to work with

Heads up: this will be kinda long lol

The germ of an idea

For me, I'll generally be inspired to create a character starting with a small number of core traits. These could be anything. A color scheme, a body type, a job, a hobby, a personality archetype, an outfit, a visual motif, a functional role in a story I'm working on, a noteworthy facial feature, a weapon, a relationship of some sort to an existing character, a single scene or joke I want to use them for. For furries and fantasy characters, species is usually one of the first things I'll have an idea for, which tends to get the ball rolling fairly easily since we have all sorts of cultural associations with different animals and fantasy creatures.

Any standout character trait like this that you find compelling can serve as that initial spark. The inspiration can come from anywhere, but it's often just a matter of knowing yourself and your own tastes. What do you like? What are the people in your life like? What really speaks to you in a character? What's an existing fictional character that you'd like to rewrite and take in a different direction? What's an aspect of yourself that you would like to see represented more often in fiction? It doesn't have to be something super deep or fleshed out right from the start, though. You can start with something as simple as "I want a black cat character" or "I want a character who dresses like an arcade carpet" or "I want a character who looks scary but is actually nice." Whatever it is, it's something that differentiates the new character from the ones I already have, because otherwise I'd just be using them.

Contrast

From there, you can start brainstorming other traits that might go with those core traits. Some of those may be traits that naturally complement each other. Continuing with the black cat example, maybe you wanna play into the common cultural perception of black cats and say that this character brings bad luck, or is associated with witchcraft. However, I often like to give characters contrasting or even seemingly contradictory traits, which can help elevate a character beyond a stock archetype. Real people tend to be a walking ball of contradictions, after all.

I've talked a lot about how I did this with the main cast of SLARPG. Melody is a fox, traditionally a crafty and untrustworthy predator, but she's extremely introverted and gentle. Allison is a bunny, but instead of being a meek and cuddly little prey animal she's an outgoing fighter who loves a challenge, and she has a muscular build. I think this kind of thing gives characters some fun flavor, and can be really effective for both comedy and drama. For an example from something I didn't write, take Senshi from Dungeon Meshi. He's a dwarf, and he embodies certain stereotypical aspects of dwarves - he's a short, buff man with a big bushy beard, he lives underground, he's stubborn and doesn't like elven magic - but he also goes against some of them. Instead of being an expert on mining and blacksmithing, Senshi is a culinary expert who has a deep appreciation for the natural ecosystem of the dungeon. He's a weirdo among dwarves for not caring about the wellbeing of his axe and for using his super awesome shield primarily as a giant wok. And that's what makes Senshi fun and interesting.

So going back to our example, instead of going with the stereotype, we could make a black cat character who has comically good luck, or who's superstitious and afraid of witchcraft, or who's an extremely rational person who always believes in science over superstition. Or maybe you roll with the bad luck angle, but instead make the black cat be the victim of their own bad luck in some interesting way. Maybe this black cat has terrible luck with love and can't hold down a relationship. Maybe this black cat is an aspiring speedrunner who consistently gets the absolute worst RNG possible in every video game due to their own bad luck. Maybe this black cat has accrued a horrendous gambling debt after a long losing streak and has loan sharks coming after them.

These are all just hypothetical examples, of course. I don't exclusively make characters with ironic contradictions like this. The idea is just to build on those core traits you started with in interesting ways, and that's one of my favorite ways to do so. But honestly, a lot of the time execution is more important than the sheer originality of an idea, and sometimes really putting your all into playing a trope you love straight is the right move.

Specificity

Regardless of what direction I take a character in past that initial seed of an idea, the key ingredient tends to be specificity. To give them specific details beyond the most stock possible version of that core idea you started with.

This is something I internalized from Tim Schafer, via a blog post in the behind-the-scenes backer material for Broken Age. Sadly I'm not sure if that stuff is still available, but I did save this particular post about creating characters since it really helped me, so I'll directly quote a chunk of that post here:

No two characters would approach a problem or react to events in the same way. At least, not if you’ve designed the characters well. If you’ve left them too vague or superficial, if they are merely functional elements in your story instead of individuals, then they might react in the same way. And that’s a problem. So to avoid that, I’m going to talk about one the most important parts of character development: specificity. Making sure your character is a specific individual, not a stereotype. A unique character, different from anyone else in the world. It doesn’t mean that they have to have wacky gimmicks, eyepatches and crazy accents. It just means they have to be specific. For example, let's create a new character. Let's say your story has a scene where your main character gets in trouble in school. So you’re probably going to need a school teacher. Imagine a school teacher for a bit. Do you see her in a little red schoolhouse? Maybe a bun in her hair? An apple on her desk? Thick black glasses? Let’s put a ruler in her hand for good measure. Done! We have our teacher character. She’s ready to be in the scene where our hero goes to school and the teacher sends her to the principal’s office for passing notes. Right? I mean, this character doesn’t have too many lines, so why develop her character any more? The problem is that this teacher is a very shallow stereotype of a teacher. She has no specific attributes that make her memorable. She’s the teacher you would get in a set of free clip art. She might not have many lines, but if all your supporting characters are this way, your story will be more bland than it should be. Even if this teacher is only onscreen for a minute, she should be unique and different from any other teacher in the world. Luckily, it's not actually that hard to make her so. You just have to ask some very basic, specific questions.

Tim goes on to explain how simple exercises like filling out character sheets with basic questions about your character (there are a million of these online) can help push a character beyond a stock archetype, even if it's a minor supporting character. Questions about where they're from, their likes and dislikes, their beliefs, their goals in life, that sort of thing. For minor characters especially, a lot of these details may never actually come up in a story, but just asking even a few of these questions and giving them specific answers helps you see them less like an archetype and more like a real person in your head. Maybe you never bring up your character's backstory or their favorite sport or what kind of music they listen to, but just having a specific answer for questions like that might help color the way you depict that character in subtle ways. It makes it feel like they aren't defined by just that one core trait you started with, and helps make the characters and world feel more alive, like there's stuff going on with them beyond the bounds of the story or the drawing.

It's a careful balancing act, though. It's easy for a character to feel like they're a collection of too many unrelated gimmicks and quirks. Again, like Tim said, these specifics don't have to make for the craziest, most original character ever, there just has to be something there.

Let's go back to SLARPG as an example, where I combined broad character archetypes I liked with more specific personal elements that I felt like I wasn't seeing enough in the fiction I liked. Melody is riffing on the common idea of the reserved healer character in the RPG or MMO party and the shy girl archetype, but she's the main hero instead of a supporting player in another person's story, and she's also a fat bisexual trans woman who draws a lot of little details from my own life. Her interests, her relationships, her opinions on things, her personal hangups and dreams, these all set Melody apart from other fantasy healer characters and define her as Melody Amaranth. Specificity!

But it doesn't always have to be super deep, especially if you just want some characters to draw for fun and aren't planning on writing a story with them. Take my fursona. I've always loved dogs, so I made my fursona a dog. I chose a Samoyed in particular because I think Samoyeds are the cutest, and I hadn't seen hardly any anthro Samoyed OCs at the time. I leaned into the breed's signature fluffiness to help my fursona stand out from other canine OCs. She has simple identifying traits like being fat like me, wearing glasses like mine, and having a hairstyle kinda like mine (when I tied my hair up in a bun, at least). And there you go. Fursona achieved. She's not a wildly high concept character, but she doesn't need to be

Anyway I realize that this is mostly about the writing aspect, so here's a few quick bullet points about designing a character's appearance:

Face and body type variety are good, but personally I would say lack of body type variety is worse than same face syndrome

Knowing some stuff about shape language is good, but you don't have to be completely beholden to the "circles are friendly, squares are sturdy, triangles are scary" shit. I'm generally more interested in using repeated shaping in different parts of a character's design as sort of a shape motif. Melody's body, hair, and tail are all made of round, swooping shapes, for example. (This is more applicable if you're designing cartoonier characters as opposed to realistic humans, obviously.)

Knowing some basics of color theory is also good. I like using complementary and contiguous color schemes on characters and generally try not to use too many distinct colors on one design. Black and white and grey and various browns are good as neutral colors to balance out the colors of the rainbow, and gold can be a nice accent color

A small handful of identifying accessories can be fun, but don't rely on those to make a design stand out. Ideally your character should still be identifiable even when not wearing their default outfit, or even in silhouette

Aaaaaand I'm gonna call it a wrap there! This is a huge topic, so hopefully this helps with at least some of the basics! At the end of the day, though, don't beat yourself up if you can't sit down and force yourself to come up with the most crazy awesome OC ever. Just have fun and be yourself!

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My own opinions on The sun and the Star (no particular order)

Overall I really liked the book, even though there are some things that could have been done better. Here’s all the things I liked and not.

PROS

- i love the overall message of it about change and acceptance, i’m just not sure about it’s execution in the final part of the book (more in cons)

- I actually loved the solangelo dynamic, both their sweet moments and their fights. It felt pretty realistic for two kids on their first relationship, still learning how to love each other and themselves. 

- I loved how trauma is more relevant in this book and the way it’s treated. In previous books it was often overlooked, while here we actually face the consequences of all these terrible things that happened to these kids. 

- I loved Will’s POV. Yes, there were times he was annoying and ooc (more on that later) but overall I think it’s really interesting and realistic, because this is the first time we see the pov of the ‘average camper’. Not the chosen one, not the kid of the big 3, not the leaders. Just an ordinary camper. He didn’t go on incredible quests since he was a child, he was there when the others came back and heard them. He contributed with the others on the major battles, but he wasn’t the center of it or the leader. Will’s first quest that we know of was in TON, only a couple months before. I think his reactions make sense for the most part. We are so used to characters like Percy and Nico, who are used to the constant fear and incredible challenges being their life, that we forget what it’s like to be a ‘normal’ kid thrown in it. Most campers are described as having relatively normal lives, coming to camp in the summer, and occasionally having to deal with monsters. Now that is still more than your average teenager of course, but it’s still a long way from epic quests and stopping the apocalypse three years in a row since you were 12.

- I also think that makes for an interesting development in their relationship. How despite both being demigods, they live fundamentally different lives. I wish the focus had been more on that than the concept of light/dark, but it is touched upon.

- While I’m a bit pissed that Will suddenly seemed scared of Nico’s ‘darkness’ rather than accepting (which he seemed to be in previous books) i think his initial reactions to the underworld itself are pretty justified. We as readers are used to incredible quests and Nico’s own perception of the underworld, which is basically a second home (I love that he called it that and that he’s so at ease there now). Generically speaking, the underworld is considered a very scary and dangerous place. Adventuring in the underworld in itself is considered an incredible quest. Heracles did it. Odysseus. The great heroes. And Will is a healer, so while he might recognize death as part of life, it’s something he typically tries his best to avoid. We also know that for Will, every life lost is a personal failure. Every person he couldn’t save is the same as if he had killed them himself. It makes sense that it would see the underworld as very sad, and occasionally scary. It was also actively trying to kill him, which didn’t help. 

- Despite all this Will tries so hard to move past his prejudice, he really tries to understand and support Nico. The way he acted with the trogs, bringing them gifts, trying to learn their language, inspiring Hiss Majesty. Especially when in TON he didn’t really have the best opinion of them. Also him suggesting another trip to the underworld to meet Hades was really sweet. Now I want a short story of them going to the underworld for a couple hours, meeting Hades, Nico showing him his room, and playing fetch with Cerberus.

- I love people recognizing Nico’s loyalty, selflessness and kindness. Persephone admitting he didn’t deserve to be treated the way she treated him. After books of people calling him ‘shady’ and ‘untrustworthy’ and making my blood boil, we finally see people actually seeing Nico for who he is. Bob saying he called the one person he knew would answer. I almost cried a little. It has been such a constant in Nico’s character, despite how he changed through the years, he was always ready to help, ready to do the right thing, because it’s right. Even if he was mad, even when he had nothing to gain from it, even when he thought people would hate him nonetheless. For someone who thinks he’s such a morally gray character he actually has really solid morals.

- Also the one thing I loved about the ending, is Nico finally fighting for himself. Not in a stop caring for others way, but in a ‘care for yourself as you care for others’ way. Recognizing he deserves as much love as he gives and finally not considering himself a lost cause. As always, Nico’s character just really resonates.

- I love the way Nico and Will take care of each other, the way they communicate, even if they are still learning. Yes they fight, yes they are a little passive aggressive, but they know they need to talk and they do. Considering this is their first relationship, and they’re teenagers, they’re already doing better than most people.

- I love that Nico is kinda like those kids that keep bringing in strays. Oh, there is a reformed Titan who goes by Bob now? Come work for my dad. Oh, the entire trog community needs a new home? Come live in my dad’s backyard. Oh, I have spawned 15 little demon creatures? Well.. And Hades just lets him, because at this point he knows it’s useless to argue. And he’s low key proud.

- I love Nico’s feelings towards the underworld. In BOTL he says it hasn’t been easy staying there, training with the dead. While now he thinks of it as his second home, and sees the beauty in it. Proof that maybe it just takes time to get used to it, and so will Will.

- I LOVE Nico’s growth. I love that he’s never the same through the books, but he’s still him. The things that make him him stay the same, and (as this book teaches us) it’s not his being gloomy, or his trauma, but his loyalty and kindness. He keeps growing through the books and I think that’s beautiful. It’s also beautiful that his growth isn’t always linear, because that’s how growth and healing work. We see him as an overexcited kid in TTC, as a sad, lonely and angry kid in BOTL, we see him starting to believe in himself and others in TLO, and then we see him through HOO being disillusioned after he felt rejected from camp again. We see him broken after tartarus in HOH, we see him starting to trust again and willing to give it another try in BOO. We see him healing and happier in THO, and we see him being knocked down again after Jason’s death but still on his healing journey in TON. And he keeps growing and healing in TSATS too. His progress isn’t linear, and that’s real. But he keeps trying, and he keeps getting better. TSATS is focused on that. On trying and choosing to get better and to heal. His progress is a slow upward curve made of peaks and valleys, and I think that’s a very important representation of mental illness and healing. 

- And we do see him heal in TSATS. We see him being more open, actively trying to open up even when it’s difficult or unnatural for him to do so. Nico in TON and TSATS is different from Nico in BOO because it’s been a year and his life has been very different. He’s slowly healing. And I think that’s beautiful.

- I also loved how much more comfortable he is in his sexuality. He went from ‘But even that’s not enough to set me apart. I’ve got to be – to be –’ to “Menoetes, calm down. I’m gay.” From not even being able to say out loud to just stating it casually. He is also much more comfortable with Will. At the beginning of THO he was still a little shy with pda and Will calling him his boyfriend, in TON he already calls Will his boyfriend multiple times, and by TSATS they are so comfortable and at ease with each other, also with other people present.

- Personally, I loved the dream sequences and how scary they were. I’ve had my own experiences with horrible nightmares and this book really delivered how terrifying they can be. I also loved their hallucinations at the door of Orpheus and how it showed us their own fears before we were explicitly told in their povs.

CONS

- they had a whole moment about Octavian while on the acheron, talking about murder and guilt, but there was no mention of Bryce Lawrence? The guy Nico turned into a ghost? With Octavian they would all technically be considered “guilty” since neither Nico, Will or Michael chose to say anything and “let him die”. But with Bryce it was technically straight up murder? And Nico didn’t even mention him in his thoughts? Does Will know about that? Does Rick remember that?

- I am not 100% convinced with the ending. The Cocoa Puffs are cute and everything, but some things just don’t sit right with me. The final battle with Nyx was almost anticlimactic. And the concept of the cacodemons being called “their children” just feels weird. I don’t know, maybe they would sit better with me if they were just referenced as a physical manifestation of Nico’s trauma, rather than ‘children’.

- Will not bringing a single weapon to Tartarus. You mean to tell me the boy who packed 3 hoodies, light globe, kit kats, med kit, and 3 spare sets of batteries didn’t bring a single dagger? No bow? A single scalpel? Nothing? The boy who was constantly worried about being a burden on Nico during the quest just thought “Nah I don’t need a weapon, I’ll just let Nico protect me 24/7”? I’m gonna go with my own hc that that was just his adhd brain, and he meant to bring a weapon but forgot in the chaos of packing.

- I agree to some extent that Nico and Will (and others) were a bit ooc. Some of it I justify given context. Nico being more lighthearted and open is good, it can be explained as him growing and healing. Despite more bad things happening (Jason’s death, the nightmares, Bob’s prophecy) he is in a better place with a support net than he was in the previous books. So it makes sense to some extent that he would be different. It felt like he was a bit closer to how he was at 10 in TTC. At the same time, some moments do feel a bit fanfictiony (not necessarily bad, i enjoyed most of them) and there were some moments that felt unrealistic. Like him hugging Chiron and Hades. While it’s good to see him develop those relationships, I feel those conversations and hugging were a bit ooc (on both sides). 

- Will also felt a bit ooc at times. Like others said, in other books he didn’t really seem ‘scared’ of Nico or his powers or the underworld. Mostly just worried about his health and overexertion. While I think some of Will’s behavior I think can be attributed to his fear/anxiety on their way to Tartarus, I feel like it was made worse for the sake of plot and having conflict.

- I feel it could have been more about them fixing their problems based on their own very differences based on how they lived very different lives rather than sticking too much to the idea of “Will=light/Nico=darkness”. Nico sometimes disregards Wills own trauma (like with the Stymphalian birds), and Will doesn’t fully understand what Nico went through (also because Nico doesn’t talk much about it). I like that part of their conflict is based on that because it feels like a very real topic, but I feel like it was often overshadowed by the duality of light/dark, which seems a bit simplistic.

- Overall, I think by the end of the book, it was trying to say one thing, but showed another. On one hand, the whole message was to accept change, to accept your past but not be shackled by it. To grow with the people you care about and that care about you. That people are more complex than just ‘light and dark’. All that I love, and support. At the same time, I feel like the way it puts too much focus on the whole ‘light/dark’ thing, almost defeats the purpose of what it’s trying to say. Also the way that Nico’s feelings are personified in the Cocoa Puffs, while I guess it’s a way of showing him “learning to live with those feelings” sort of shows them as a separate thing from him. While the whole idea is supposed to be that those feelings are a part of him, just not all of him.

- Going back to Will, in the beginning of the book it’s very interesting the focus that is put on his own doubts and insecurities, but I feel that by the end of the book, those aren’t really addressed, and the focus shift mostly on Nico and his acceptance of himself, and Will’s acceptance of him, leaving Will’s own insecurities with no proper closure.

- Personally I am not a fan of the scene with Maria and Bianca, and I am very sorry to say this because I am a huge fan of Maria Di Angelo and yes, I was really hoping for a cameo/reunion. First of all, Bianca chose rebirth and while this is not the only continuity error in the series, it is a pretty big one. The scene could have worked just fine with Maria, or if they had explained Bianca’s presence as some kind of message she left behind for Nico when she chose rebirth. That would have been nice, since the idea that she left never saying goodbye to him was a bit upsetting. But the whole scene felt a bit like a forced closure for his grief over them and I’m not sure I like that. Also Hades just felt very ooc.

- Nico’s memories. Did he get them back? We see he remembers some things, but it’s never explained just how much he has started to remember and how much he does not. I feel like that should have been a bigger point. Considering also that it’s something he and Bob have in common. Having their memories wiped in the Lethe.

- Piper’s iris call. The conversation itself was nice, it just feels like they suddenly have a ‘close’ relationship, when they barely ever interacted? Similar to Leo and Nico suddenly being ‘friends’ in TOA when all the interaction we got from them before was Leo and Piper talking shit about Nico behind his back. That was never really addressed either, and we never see them develop a relationship beyond that. With Jason we at least saw the beginning of a friendship at the end, but with Piper and Leo we didn’t really get that? Nico is just suddenly okay recounting his traumatic experience with Piper (who as it stands he barely knows) and her gf who’s a stranger to him? Healing and learning to share and communicate doesn’t mean you have to do it with every breathing person. It can be just with your loved and trusted ones. I would have preferred a call with Hazel, or Reyna, but I get they wanted to address the label thing and that in itself  was nice. It’s just that there was no basis for them to have that conversation in the first place.

- Speaking of Jason, it would have been nice to learn more about their friendship and how it developed, rather than just hearing over and over “they were besties and now he’s dead and Nico misses him”. Give me flashbacks. Give me stories. Show me their friendship, don’t just tell me. 

- Solangelo’s first kiss being right after Jason died feels a bit weird to me. I could sorta get behind Will panicking and kissing Nico when he doesn’t know what to do, as that could also stand for “remember there are living people who love you, you’re not alone even if he’s gone” but it being their very first sort of spoils it? It also feels kinda disrespectful? I’m not sure.

- The picnic/’coming out party’ scene was weird. 

- The fact that Nico is apparently the first camper to be out at camp? It seems a little unrealistic. A camp filled with greek demigods, who are at the very least used to the antics of the gods, some of whom have parents of the same gender, and no one was out? It feels weird. I feel it would have made more sense and a bigger impact for Nico to discover other people who were out and proud and living their life at camp and unlearning the internalized homophobia that way. It would also show his view of camp itself was pretty narrow minded and made up only of the few interactions he had, and that there was much more to camp than what he knew.

- The fact camp was ‘empty’. It adds absolutely nothing to the plot and it’s just weird.

- There just weren’t that many iconic Nico moments?? Like, in every book Nico has been, he’s had some of the most badass iconic scenes with amazing one liners. Banishing the skeletons at the end of TTC, the Minos scene in BOTL where he becomes the ghost king, walking up to Kronos in full customized black armor (what happened to that? Bring it back), talking shit to the king of the titans and summoning an army of undead and 3 godly backups in TLO. Laughing as he summons wave after wave of undead soldiers fighting next to Jason and Frank in HOO. All of BOO. Summoning all those bones against Lycaon, using his death to shadowtravel. “Be a good dog and stay”. Bryce Lawrence. “The Underworld had no mercy. It only had justice. 'You're already dead,' Nico said. 'You're a ghost with no tongue, no memory.”  Nico making short work of six roman soldiers when he’s already exhausted. “Some dogs need to be put down”. Zombifying that germani in TON to save Apollo. Him going straight for the kill when he gets the chance against Nero. He has so many badass moments in every book he’s in, and for a book that’s about him I guess I was expecting more? The one moment that stuck with me is him summoning all those bones to stop the boat from free falling.

- There were a few inconsistencies with the previous books. Nico’s age as usual, which should be 14 but is 15. Him thinking of Jason during his first trip to tartarus (but not Hazel?? His sister???) whom at the time he barely knew. Will saying he never wanted to be a fighter when in previous books he seemed pretty insecure about healing being his only talent. For that matter, it was also stated in previous books that Will doesn’t have any musical talent beyond that whistle. It could have been his insecurities talking I guess, but that should have been addressed.

- I have a love/hate relationship with the scene of them kissing on the boat on the way out. It’s just so surreal. Bob crying in a corner while two battered teenagers make out next to one of said teenager’s children/demons/pets. There were plenty of other moments for them to be making out and they chose.. that one.

- Dr Thorne cameo. I was really excited when he appeared, because it felt like the story was coming full circle, and Nico was faced with the same monster that started his experience with myths and gods and camp, only this time older and stronger and more experienced, and it could have been very cool and iconic, only for Nyx to intervene. Nothing really came out of it.

- I wish Will’s own grief had a bigger space (or any). We had a vision of Michael Yew and nothing really came of it. The Apollo cabin lost so many people, but this was never really addressed in the book, in a book that specifically deals with loss, grief and trauma. It would have been an excellent talking point for Nico and Will to feel closer and better understand each other.

- I am keeping my headcanon that Will liked Nico since the battle of Manhattan. 

- I agree that Percy and Annabeth hearing about their quest to tartarus, and not doing anything about it seems a little ooc. I appreciate that they at least discouraged them from going, but understood they needed to go.

[goblins-riddles-or-frocks]

What are your thoughts on Alina being Shu in the show? If canon Alina was from Shu Han do you think it would've made any difference? The show kind of wasted this storyline but idk if I prefer Alina actually having a solid backstory or book Alina being this nobody from nowhere that's now a reverred saint. Also I've seen a lot of people from the book fandom hc darkling as shu looking.

I like her being specifically mixed race a lot! Especially with how it ties into her unmoored feeling where she isn’t sure there’s anywhere she truly belongs. I think it could bring really interesting context to her perspective.

When the show and casting were announced I suspected they chose to have her be half Shu because the books are uh pretty racist in that regard! It starts out in subtler ways with the only Asian characters being either the fucking karate teacher trope or Tolya and Tamar as both having essentially renounced their heritage and country completely in order to be counted “one of the good ones” but also the way they’re employed as the only genuinely faithful characters (devoted to the in-books white lead) in the main cast, while shdhff also being presented as untrustworthy when they sell them out to the Apparat?

But then the SoC duology gets sooo much worse with the parem being given a not!opium position as the scary dangerous Drug From The East and the hardcore dehumanized super soldiers from Shu Han whose name I forgot how to spell but omg it really felt like they only existed to be killed in really gruesome and mean spirited ways. Not to mention Wylan’s magic yellowface! That would be terrible on its own but then that’s how the book attempts to remotely deal with racism sjfhfgff by the character in yellowface experiencing micro agressions. It’s just. It’s bad!

I think someone must have said something to LB by KoS or she just realized the implications were decidedly not great because she tries to course correct really hard and shift most antagonistic focus to Fjerda instead. (Too little too late imo 🥲)

So I was assuming the half Shu Alina choice was in a similar vein? But yeah the show did absolutely nothing with it! What a missed opportunity! I was willing to give them the benefit of the doubt with season one where Alina being Shu was only used as an excuse to hurl made up slurs at her, thinking that it might be building to something? …But then it didn’t lol. And that retroactively made the slurs and focus on racism feel so pointless and mean spirited. It felt like an admittance that her being hit over the head constantly with racism wasn’t at all integral to the story and she could’ve been a mixed race protagonist all along without any of that!

But yeah all that being said, I like the concept of Alina being mixed. But I also wouldn’t trust Leigh Bardugo with it? Like everything I already mentioned in the books aside, I think she has a terrible habit of giving her POC characters very racialized suffering in their backstories. I strongly disliked how she handled race with both Inej and Zoya. Zoya was worse imo because she was initially clearly written to be white, but once we got a race retcon for her she suddenly has a never before hinted at poverty and child bride backstory when she’s primarily been associated with privilege before? Like the problem isn’t that she has a tragic backstory, but all the choices felt very racialized. I also just found it slimy how officially commissioned art etc had her visibly brown then the books make a point of saying multiple times that she just… looks white? Just leaves a bad taste in my mouth like she wants the representation brownie points without being willing to commit in canon. So idk as much as I’d love a POC protagonist, if Alina was half Shu in the books as well I wouldn’t trust LB to not give her a weird racial caricature tragic backstory. I do think we could still have the “no backstory just came out of nowhere” thing with her being mixed, I don’t think that has to be canceled out. Like it’s mentioned that Keramzin regularly takes in “war orphans” and border areas tend to be racially mixed. But yeah I just think LB would probably get weird with it. (She was admittedly better with race in Ninth House, but I suspect that also had to do with the real world contemporary setting)

Also the Darkling thing isn’t an HC it’s from a one off line in Demon in the Wood! It’s mentioned that he can, and has, passed as Shu. It’s ahdhf never mentioned again though and kind of wild tbh considering the very visibly white face casts she’s talked about for him in the past?? But that’s just word of god whereas the line in DitW is canon so 🤷‍♀️

[after-witch]

a few of my favorite passages from Empty Smiles (Small Spaces #4)

Empty Smiles is OUT, OUT, OUT! If you don’t mind being spoiled, take a look at the passages that made me sometimes want to howl and scream. Smiling man galore in this book. I honestly can’t post every passage that I enjoy like I’ve done for the other books because he’s in it so much, I’d just be posting pages and pages. So I’m being more selective here.

Tim’s wild eyes darted from the hot rocks, to the rippling creek, up to the bleached-blue sky. “He was nice. But he scared me. I asked for Ruthie and he said no. I wanted to stay for Ruthie, but he pushed me in the water. Maybe I should try to get him to take me back. But I’m scared.”

Imagine being a scared kid who was just turned into a doll with your little sister, then some nice looking man transforms you back, tells you to deliver a message, and denies your requests for your sister. Love it. He also told Tim (not in the quote) that if he forgot the message, he’d find him and bring him back to the carnival.

“She woke up alone. The nightstand beside her held a neat pile of cold medicine, a glass of water, and a bowl of soup. Her throat hurt. Her head hurt. She drank her soup, went to sleep, woke up, found tea on her nightstand, drank that. Went back to sleep, woke up, and she was well. The bedroom had a chest of drawers. She found white dresses in it, neatly folded, with yellowing lace and a faint smell of dried roses, as though the dresses had been there a long time and belonged to someone else.“

Two things. One, the smiling man providing some health care! Nice. But two, THE OLD DRESSES. Seriously. Seriously!? “As though the dresses had been there a long time and belonged to someone else.” So so many interesting implications there. But also, “your bedroom after you’ve been kidnapped has old fancy dresses in it” hits so many of my “90s kid grew up watching 80s fantasy movies” buttons. 

“Is something terrible and scary going to happen? If you show me the carnival?” He grinned at her. Outright grinned, like a big brother or something. “Not this evening.”

THIS HURTS. A big brother grin! One of the running themes in this book is that OIllie can’t help but seem him as human sometimes, too human, and she says it makes her hard to be wary of him like she should be. And this is a moment that sticks out. 

Sometimes he sounded old-fashioned, and sometimes he didn’t. She gave him a curious look. “How old are you?” “Manners, Olivia,” he said.

There’s a number of moments here that just give up “oh the shit I put up with from these kids” vibes, and this is one. 

She tried to make plans for the future. She tried not to feel sad. Or despairing. Or betrayed. Betrayed? Seriously? You knew he was a liar. You knew he was completely untrustworthy. You knew, Ollie.

This is after Ollie discovers that the dolls hanging up as prizes at the carnival are all people who were caught by the clowns and turned into dolls. And she’s wondering if that was the fate the smiling man had in store for her.

Ollie crossed her arms, standing in her bedroom doorway. “Were you going to tell me about the dolls?” “No,” he said. “But I assumed you’d be curious eventually and work it out.” “I didn’t— You kidnap people and—” A faint smile. “Only the careless, the arrogant, or the unlucky.”

Of course “the unlucky” covers y’know... anyone who’s been scooped up by him as part of a bargain, or like the kids in the beginning of the book, wandered down the wrong path in the carnival. Or a kid who tried to sneak a doll after losing the carnival game. It’s fun to see him just dismiss “kidnapping people and dooming them to a fate worse than death” as oh, well. Deliciously mean. 

He narrowed his eyes. “You called me the last time, didn’t you?” “I didn’t have a choice! You got us stuck on a haunted island with a monster! My dad was dying.” “For heaven’s sake, stop bristling. You are old enough to learn common sense. Sit down, you silly girl, and let me see to your hands.” “Don’t you dare,” Ollie said. “Don’t you dare be nice. You did this to me.” She felt like crying again. “I did not make you climb out a broken window. Now, sit down.”

I love this scene. Ollie has broken glass in her hand from escaping the clowns after sneaking out at night, ignoring the smiling man’s warning to not do so. And he sits down and plucks all the glass out, disinfects them, etc. “You silly girl.” 

He pursed his lips. “I did say I’d never lie directly to you.” “It doesn’t matter. You lie by omission, since you know everything and I know nothing. Friends don’t lie to friends at all.” An odd expression appeared on his face. He didn’t say anything.

There’s a reason why I added the song ‘How to Fight Loneliness’ to my WIP Small Spaces playlist after reading this book.

“The world is full of ghastly corners,” he said. “I like ghastly corners. Hospitals often have one. This one is special. People who were locked up in life make excellent ghosts.” He gave the hallway a look of approval. “Now, your answer?”

He’s talking to Coco in an abandoned mental ward of a hospital. I love this bit of lore drop, gives more depth to his personality and makes sentences in the earlier books about what the smiling man would find amusing even creepier. He loves him some creepy stuff. 

She took a deep breath. “No.” He stopped walking. “Save me from stubborn girls,” he muttered.

This line sent me to heaven. It killed me, and I rose up. He was offering to give Coco a happy future with Mr. Adler & her mom, offering to leave Brian and Coco’s family and friends alone, if she gave up on trying to save Ollie.  “Save me from stubborn girls” is the epitome of all his exasperation in this book, trying to convince Ollie to agree to stay, trying to convince Coco & co to stop trying to save her. Save. me. from. stubborn. girls. 

The thought flowed into her like hot chocolate, soothing her fear. “You could come in with me,” Ollie said, only half joking. “If you’re so worried.” “I don’t protect people from their own stupidity,” he snapped, and now he did look angry. Also uncertain, which was unlike him.

He told Ollie not to go in the fun house after dark, and she plans on going to look for one of the keys she needs to get out of the carnival. It’s the one place he refused to go in, even in the daylight. I love this line so much because it gives his actions in previous books, in what he did with Jonathan Webster, etc, some more nuance. If someone wants to trade away their humanity and soul to raise someone from the dead, well, he won’t stop you. If someone wants to trade away an entire group of children to save their farm, well, he won’t stop you. Etc. 

“Why?” Ollie said. “Why do you do this?”

He didn’t joke, or say something condescending. He didn’t pretend to misunderstand or to not hear her at all. Something changed in his face, though. It grew—stranger, somehow. Remote. 

He spoke slowly, as though weighing out each word before letting it fall. “Once, a long time ago, it was easy to find yourself—elsewhere. The world was—oh, what’s the word? You say uncanny in English, I suppose. From the Scots, sixteenth century: unknowable. The world was uncanny. It was full of strange things. Strange people. Strange worlds. Ways behind the mist. People believed the world was uncanny, and their very conviction kept the ways open.”

Ollie listened, silent.

“There are fewer ways now,” said the smiling man. “But some remain. The places where the world turns frightening, strange, sideways. And that is where you will find me. Tricking people through the mist. That is my—job, if you like. To keep the way between worlds open.”

Ollie stared. “But you—so you have to do all this?”

A very faint smile. “That was another question, Olivia. But all right. Sometimes, not always.”

THE. LORE. DROP. The lore drop, y’all. 

So, this is the reason why I had to rewrite my book reader fic, because initially reader--instead of saying “oh maybe he’s like a vampire or something that needs to do this to live” she was way too close to home. The initial version had something like “Maybe he has to get souls to keep the door to the mist open, like the scarecrows. Maybe the more souls he collects, the stronger he is.” So after I read Empty Smiles, I had to change it, not wanting her to be more or less right.

Anyway, regarding the lore: I love it. I love that it gives more depth and explanation for why he does what he does. He’s this otherworldly entity tasked with keeping the way to the world behind the mist open, and he does some awful nasty things to do it. And he enjoys doing it, he never denies that. He loves scaring people. He says some truly awful things throughout the books, does some truly awful things, but there’s a reason. This new lore has made it a lot easier to work on ideas for new fics!

Final passage that I’ll share.

“I have one condition,” she said, turning back to the smiling man. Both brows lifted. “Haggling is unbecoming,” he told her. “What makes you think I even want to bargain?” “Because this is fun for you,” Coco said. “You want to see what we’ll do. Besides, you can’t even talk about unbecoming. You’re pretending to be a carnival barker while playing games with people’s lives. That’s unbecoming.” “You’ll make the loveliest doll,” he informed her, with a touch of malice. “Pretty. Quiet.”

I love that, for all that he is somewhat gentler with Ollie in the book, somewhat friendlier with them (he also says to Coco, when he first sees her again, “My dear, is that any way to greet an old friend?”) he drops shit like this, too. What a mean thing to say. Beautifully mean, though. He also says/does something very cruel to Ollie, just as he did in Dead Voices when she tells him (in disguise) about her mom dying in a plane crash. 

So! those are my favorite-favorite bits. 

Like I said, if I was going to share every Smiling man bit, it would just be too much. But these are definitely my favorites. 

[reddpropaganda]

It's interesting how like,,, mythical/mystical? creatures in the ac universe, as far as we know, are rare to come by. Nook and the twins are the only tanuki, and Redd is the only kitsune for example.

Now, there might be a fair population of them around living life same as other animals but we just don't see them.

But what if instead mythical creatures in the ac universe are regarded with suspicion and stigma and treated like second-class-citizens? And that's part of the reason why Tom Nook had it so rough growing up?

We don't really see mythical species because they're living out of slums and struggling for work as other animals think they're scary or strange.

Cue the only other business partner he could find was another yokai-- Redd. And that's why they became friends, having shared a mutual experience with prejudice. It's implied Nook has a past with Sable as well, and they grew up in the same town together. It's then revealed her parents died when Mabel was still very young.

Was it from overworking or a work related accident trying to keep their three daughters taken care of? If so, it's a tragedy to see Sable copy this pattern of working tirelessly at her machine, and... not much else. Even ignoring customers to work as her social life suffers.

Perhaps poor, working class animals and mythical animals are kinda put into the same boat when it comes to classism and so, are more likely to be empathetic of eachother. But Tom Nook leaves for the city anyway.

Was it more openly discriminatory there?

If this is any indication to think so.

That's why Nook takes in Timmy and Tommy. Because without him they,, don't really have a fighting chance out there. It's rough for mystical creatures. He couldn't leave them there in good conscience. Redd can't seem to stick to a legitimate gig and is constantly poor. Himself, broken by the harsh realities of city life.

And what happened to Timmy and Tommy's parents???

The world of Animal Crossing is supposed to be this peaceful utopia land where bad things don't really happen-- or is that only what we're supposed to see? It's odd that both of them are out of the picture and that no other living relative could take them in?

Did they mayhaps leave young Timmy and Tommy someplace they knew the successful Mr. Nook might find them in hopes that they'd be adopted for a chance at a better life? Is this why, despite having no blood ties to him, they're referred to as his "nephews"?

For Tom Nook hasn't forgotten his roots. He still feels a kinship to other tanuki and knows their struggle. He still speaks the old language and respects his ancestors.

He's promised himself to look after these children-- not as their parent, but for the misfortunate parents who had to give them up. He doesn't see himself as having taken their place, as it's likely they're still alive somewhere and could someday be reunited.

Strangely coincidental is that only Tom Nook, the Able sisters, and Redd are known to have had "rough childhoods" compared to all the other animals we see breezing through life, able to afford cushy housing who are financially stable enough to relocate at the drop of a hat with the biggest worries on their plates being "do I wanna do (leisurely activity) or other (leisurely activity) today?"

Joan, the old turnip seller before Daisy Mae, talks about Redd like this:

And yeah, we all know Redd in particular is "untrustworthy," but... why she just start being racist against all foxes in general ajsjs.

(Which, mind you, he's a kitsune in the Japanese.) So she's really saying "don't trust those damned kitsune."

And look at this:

"Wears a raccoon suit." Which sounds like a roundabout way of saying "he's not really one of us, but just looks like it" since tanuki appear like regular raccoons.

The wiki interprets it as "oh haha they think he's a human man in a raccoon suit that's funny" but like,,, why would they think that. What behaviour, displayed by Nook specifically, would be "human-like" when they all act like humans? They'd all be accusing eachother of being humans in animal suits. So that doesn't make much sense.

Maybe that's why Isabelle and himself are his only employees. Because most other animals just aren't that willing to work so closely with a tanuki. He relies on her, not out of choice, but obligation as there's so few options. That would make her a pretty good ally™ in this case.

I adore their dynamic! Since in folklore, dogs are loathed enemies of tanuki and they kinda flipped that on its head in a nice way.

Speaking of Isabelle, her and her brother, Digby are the only different dog breeds we see-- aside from the mysterious K.K Slider, (a Jack Russel) and the only animal with hands. Maybe they're the only few in the world but are able to get by blending in as others obliviously believe they're regular dogs with weird ears or something.

Shih tzu have mythos attached to them as well in which they're able to turn into giant tigers when threatened sjdjs, so maybe Isabelle receives some of that flack and fear, too?

In fact, villagers describe her as going "Isabellistic," framing her irrationally when they "break a window," something that could reasonably incur anger.

Does it imply villagers can be callous and rude because they have no sense of consequence from living such privileged lives?

I hate reading so into the lore of such a happy, soft game but ajsjs I also love seeking the depth and angst™

[oh-hush-its-perfect]

Alex Fierro's Introduction Full Breakdown

Okokok so. This is going to go full English-professor mode, where I'm drawing conclusions that are gonna seem a little far-fetched. That's what's fun about media analysis! I can say something is a symbol, and even if I don't have enough faith in RR's competency to know if he meant for it to be a symbol, it's still true! That being said, a lot of these choices I'm sure are intentional, either at a literal or subliminal level. Page numbers are going to be used not to assert a kind of authority or whatever— this is a Tumblr post, not an essay— but to help readers find the pages I'm referencing in case they'd like to do some digging of their own. Also, this is going to be really long. Really sorry to anyone with ADHD; I might make an audiofile of this so you can get the information without having to read the whole thing. With all that, let's get into it!

To kick off, let's talk about Alex being in the form of a cheetah when she first meets Magnus. Of course, there's the obvious impact of him seeing her but only so breifly, as well as introducing the conflict between her and the rest of Hall 19. But that could have easily been accomplished by almost any animal. The choice of a cheetah being implicated implies two qualities of Alex that will be recurrent throughout the two books she's in: 1. She has a tendency to run away, as we'll later learn when she describes how she became homeless, and 2. To Magnus, she's elusive. She can't be caught or held down. The event that shows this so transparently is how Alex refuses to define their relationship at the end of the series, despite it clearly surpassing the normal bounds of friendship.

But the cheetah isn't the animal Alex is in the form of when Magnus first gets a good look at her; she's a weasel. Weasel's bring up all kinds of connotations: ferocity, slickness, a lack of charm. When we want to describe someone as an untrustworthy person, we call them a weasel. RR had Alex take this form to play up her comrades' feeling of distrust towards her. She could be a double-crosser. But paradoxically, the up-front and vicious mannerisms of a weasel also have a transperency. She does not try appealing to her Hallmate's sense of goodwill because she doesn't have anything to gain from it. So even though there is the implication that she might be an antagonist, there's also evidence from her actions and mannerisms that she isn't. The weasel's long and skinny frame also allow for a smooth transition into Alex's actual body, which is convenient.

As Alex transforms into her usual human form, Magnus describes her as "a regular human teen, long and lanky, with a swirl of dyed green hair, black at the roots, like a plug of weeds pulled out of a lawn" (pg. 50). That simile at the end is of particular interest. Let's compare it to another time Magnus describes Alex's hair, in Ship of the Dead: "Her hair had started to grow out, the black roots making her look even more imposing, like a lion with a healthy mane" (pg. 136). By contrasting these two different examples, we can see the development of Magnus and Alex's relationship. The first time he sees her, he thinks of her hair as something nasty— note the word choice "weeds." Later on, though, he becomes more affectionate towards her, more complentary. The immedient negative reaction is less his actual impression, though, and more the reaction he expected to have based on everyone else's reaction to Alex.

Her clothes are equally as interesting; as Magnus describes it, Alex wears "battered rose high-tops, skinny lime green corduroy pants, a pink-and-green argyle sweater-vest over a white tee, and another pink cashmere sweather wrapped around the waist like a kilt" (pg. 50). Aside from the obvious fact that this outfit is a) bizzare, b) fire, and c) Alex's signature colors, which add a layer of style to what can otherwise be a somewhat boring series fashion-wise (excuse me, Blitz), the outfit reveals a crucial facet of Alex's backstory in a kind of subtle way. These are expensive clothes, like the Stella McCartney dress in Alex's room. Note the mention of fabrics (corduroy, cashmere) and patterns (argyle). These indicate wealth and status. Even the high-tops; shoes like that don't come cheap. But I'd like to return to the very first word of the section: "battered." Alex's wardrobe show-cases a proximity to wealth, but also shows that that proximity has been strained and lengthened, maybe for an extended period of time. Alex dresses like a rich person, but she isn't one. Least, not anymore.

The last word of that outfit-introduction is also of interest: "kilt." At the current moment, Magnus thinks that Alex is male. No one has indicated otherwise to him. Everyone has been referring to Alex with he/him pronouns. Samirah called Alex her "brother" (pg. 29). His first thought in seeing what he at first perceives as a guy with a jacket wrapped around the waist is That looks like a kilt. This thought tells us about Magnus: despite being open and accepting, he still has some lingering notions of gender conformity from his years in wider American society.

Magnus also indicates that the outfit "reminded me of a jester's motley, or the coloration of a venomous animal warning the whole world" (pg. 50). This is rather self-explanatory, but it's still worth noting that Magnus sees the outfit as something bizzare, strange, and even perhaps comical. This places Alex at odds with the other people Magnus has met. It also reveals that Magnus has zero fashion sense. But we already knew that.

After finishing up staring at the ensemble, Magnus finally gets around to actually looking Alex in the face. First Magnus says that he "forgot how to breathe" (pg. 50), which, yeah, relatable. This is justifed by saying that Alex has the same face as Loki, but the very same sentence that asserts that that's the case also suggests an alternative reason: Alex has "the same unearthly beauty" as her father. Here we can see the beginnings of Magnus's attraction to Alex, though at this point, he still has a lot of internalized homophobia. Though there's certainly some truth in that Magnus was unnerved by Alex's resemblance to Loki, the idea that Magnus pointed out that Alex was pretty without elaborating on that thought until about a chapter later— after he was informed that Alex was presently a girl— can tell us a lot about how Magnus perceives sex and beauty.

Of course, Alex's eyes are given special attention. She has cool eyes; what can I say? But I'd like to focus in on how Magnus here depicts Alex's heterochromia as "completely unnerving" (pg. 50). Again, let's contrast this with how he describes them after getting to know Alex a little better in Ship of the Dead. In Chapter 3, Magnus describes "[Alex's] dark brown eye and his amber eye like mismatched moons cresting the horizon" (pg. 25). Once again, this shows the development of their relationship— but this time, it's in a much more personal way. Eyes are the windows to the soul; they are culturally important and biologically important in inter-personal connections. In you look into someone's eyes, you're giving them your full attention, and you're implying a kind of closeness. The way that Magnus describes Alex's eyes in the second passage is downright intimate. At this point, he is in love with Alex, and it is clear when contrasting the two descriptions.

As my last point, I'd like to discuss Alex's first words on page: "'Point that rifle somewhere else, or I will wrap it around your neck like a bow tie'" (pg. 51). First of all, Alex saying this with a "perfect white smile" (pg. 51) on his face implies that she is used to being threatened. She is not afraid of being shot; she counters the promise of an attack with a promise of her own. This pleads the question: why is Alex accustomed to violence? What events of her past or qualities of her life have brought her to this point? The threat itself reveals Alex's trauma from being genderfluid in a society with rigid gender norms, as well as her antagonistic relationship with her father. Magnus makes a comment that Alex "might actually know how to tie a bow tie, which was kind scary arcane knowledge" (pg. 51). Like Alex's wardrobe, the idea that she may have experience in high-class fashion also implies her former status as a rich kid.

I could go on. I could break apart Alex saying "'Pleased to meet you all, I guess'" (pg. 51). There is a wealth of information in this short page span that tells us things about Alex Fierro in the present moment, quietly demonstrates things about her past, and characterizes the narrator Magnus Chase. This passage is also effective in hindsight in marking the progress of Magnus and Alex's relationship.

But I'd like to take a step back and look at not the pieces, but the whole picture. Alex Fierro gets a full page of pure description— her outfit, her face— and about a chapter of introduction. This comes after several chapters of build-up. Alex Fierro is an important character you need to keep your eyes on. Alex Fierro is emotionally significant to the main character, Magnus Chase. Alex Fierro is one of the most developed and well-rounded characters that Rick Riordan has ever written— heck, she's one of the best characters in middle-grade books period. The extended emphasis on her and her alone tells us exactly what role she's going to play in this story: she's the star.

[alternateafterthought]

Arcane - Part 8

Ø  Meaning: Secret, Mysterious, Understood only by few. MAGIC

Ø  Pairing: Panther Hybrid Min Yoongi x Reader

Ø  Summary: Some secrets are kept for the good of people. Some secrets are kept for abuse or power. Yoongi had been a victim of abuse and power, and he wasn’t going to let anyone else use secrets for that purpose. So, when Y/N comes into his life with secrets, he doesn’t want to fall into that rabbit hole again. He doesn’t want to give all his trust to someone who will abuse their power over him. But maybe Y/N’s secrets are a good thing.

Ø  Genre: Hybrid!au, fluff, angst, eventual smut

Ø  Warnings: None

Ø  Word Count: 1076

Ø  A/N: Hey guys… here is the next part of my Min Yoongi fic!! It not as long as the other parts but I am just slowly getting back into the groove of writing again so I still hope you enjoy it!! So, I really hope you guys love and support this fic like you did with GOLDEN TIME!! If you want to be added to a tag list, message me or leave a comment or ask!! I would love and appreciate your feedback!! Thank you so much

PREV / NEXT

Yoongi felt completely out of place, sitting on what seemed to be an impractical leather couch. As he sat ram rod straight, Yoongi could tell that this was not a couch to sit on, it was more decorative in the pristine house.

He would be more surprised if anyone could comfortably sit on this hard couch for any period of time. His tail barely liked the feel of it, instead opting to have it wrap around himself, hiding up his hoodie and around his own waist. His keen eyes scanning around him, catching different blacks and whites and greys through what he could see in the house.

Looking towards Y/N, Yoongi couldn’t help but wonder how a women as open and warm as her, grew up in such a miserable looking house.

“Y/N,” her mother walked into the room, hand out like she was expecting Y/N to hand her something. “Now.”

Y/N looked confusingly at her mothers hand before something seemed to click in her head. Crossing her legs and arms, Y/N seemed set in not giving her mother whatever it was she wanted.

“This is not some game for you to play, Y/N. I want it now.”

“No.” Y/N looked her mother in the eye, she’d already lost so much, she wasn’t about to lose anything else. “He is mine and neither of you are getting your hands on him.”

“Sweetheart, just leave her be.” Y/N’s father smiled at the two sitting across from him, seeing how Yoongi seemed to lean behind Y/N. “She’s old enough to take care of herself.”

“But she is not in the right mind to be taking care of someone else.” Her mothers resolve seemed to be just as stubborn as the child she bore.

“I’m not some mindless child.” Y/N felt the vibrations of her phone from her bag that sat between her and Yoongi. “Surprisingly, a few mistakes from my past isn’t a defining factor of who I am now.” Y/N opened her bag, finding her phone to turn off the alarm first before taking out her medication and water. “Neither is who raised me.”

Yoongi felt the tension as he watched Y/N take medication, he could see that her mother seemed to panic a little before breathing easier when she took them. He would never openly say it, but Yoongi could smell the effects of the medication in her body. Her once nervous and almost sickly scent seemed to change, slowly, calmly into something more… Y/N.

It was her natural scent that Yoongi could seem and it was intoxicating. It was soothing and a presence Yoongi could happily live with. Especially when comparing to her parents. He couldn’t place it, but the scent her father gave off made him completely untrustworthy. Nor was the childlike gleam in his eyes anything more than scary.

“We are only trying to look out for you.” Y/N’s mothers eyes seemed to shift to Yoongi, like she was trying to calculate something.

“You only want to control me.” Y/N had officially reached her limit being in her parents presence, standing with a look at Yoongi to follow her. “When you’ve finally figured out that I won’t be controlled, then you can be in our lives.”

“Y/N, you can’t speak to your mother like that.” Her father decided to get involved, Yoongi almost standing in front of Y/N to protect her. “We are still your parents.”

“So now you want to be my dad?” Y/N seemed to give an almost disbelief laugh as she stared her own father down. “So, tell me, Dad… Is it really my best interest in mind that your thinking about?”

With the heavily weighted question left hanging in the air, Y/N took hold of Yoongi’s hand and walked back out the door. Getting back into the car they had came in, she told their driver her address and off they were. Driving down the long winding driveway that Y/N had promised herself she would never come back to.

“Sorry about that.” Y/N’s soft voice broke through the silence, causing Yoongi’s head to snap up to look at her. “I was really hoping you wouldn’t have had to deal with them like that.”

“It’s okay. Everyone’s family is kinda crazy.” Yoongi couldn’t help but think about the family he had made, his brothers.

“Yeah, I guess your right.” Y/N finally gave Yoongi a genuine smile. “So, that whole mess aside… are you excited to be going home?”

Yoongi couldn’t stop the chuckle that built in his chest as he shook his head, seeing how Y/N switched so naturally into making sure he was comfortable. He couldn’t help but wonder who had truly raised Y/N. After seeing her parents in action, they couldn’t have been the people to raise such a woman.

“I am excited to see your home.”

“Our home.” Y/N was quick to correct him, placing her hand on top of his own. “This is our home. It is as much yours as much as it is mine.”

Yoongi could only nod with a smile. He couldn’t allow himself to get too comfortable in a place where people didn’t want him. One minute he could be happy and comfortable, the next, Y/N’s parents could have him sent back to live out the rest of his days in a shelter. Or worse, they actually send him to a breeding farm.

“There it is.” Yoongi looked back up to catch Y/N’s eyes as she smiled. “Welcome home, Yoongi.”

Yoongi took another few seconds, taking in the peaceful look on Y/N’s face before turning around to look out of his window. As the driver came to a stop, Yoongi was greeted by a much more homely house. The still rather large house sat comfortably surrounded by trees and flowers and from what Yoongi could hear there was a body of water close by.

Standing at the old front door, his suitcase next to him, his backpack thrown over his shoulder, the hair on the back of his next had finally calmed down. This was a home.

A home.

His home.

And he would do everything to protect his newfound home. To protect the woman that happily called him her family.

As he followed Y/N through the door and into what will undoubtedly be a new adventure, helping to carry her bags, he could finally say he could breathe easier than he ever had to in his life.

PREV / NEXT

Tag List

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[chrissyslittleartwork]

Cursed to live for 3000 years, a Pharaoh, a Queen, and a Thief are bond to three Millennium items and without their memories, they are forced to wander the Earth until they are called by their destiny. Now three chosen young teens are picked to hold the Puzzle, Wand, and Ring, and this calls upon the cursed three.

So, figured I draw up what Atem, Bast, and Bakura would look like as immortals. At least in the Immortals AU. I will say this, in this AU, these three are very VERY different to original anime. For Atem, he's more like his season 0/manga self. Though he isn't like insane or thirsty for blood. However, living for years in the world, he has seen things that he sometimes wish he could forget. Plus, he has red eyes in this, which can lead to issues for him. People would believe he is a demon, or least a spawn of one. So, people would probably find him scary even though he is not in the slightest. He also is not afraid to risk his life because honestly, he can't die. His punishments on people who have wronged him are downright harsh. It's not till he actually meets Yugi and his friends that he begins to question if the judgements he makes is considered right. Not to mention, he has this empty feeling within him that he can't explain and that's only filled when he and Bast start to rekindle their relationship. I also wanted to make his outfit something different to what Yugi would wear. It was hinted in the manga he does not exactly care for the clothes Yugi tries to wear. Or at least, he finds his taste in clothes to be...weird. Which I guess I can understand. XD Also, I can see him wear earings since he did wear earings as a Pharaoh. And sometimes he would wear bands. Also, my friend and I decided that Atem would have NO issue getting girls to fawn over him. He is one hot guy. XD Of course he has those cool red eyes. (I do know Bast would love his eyes, especially since red is her favorite color). And his hair I decided to make like from the manga to make him stand out more.

As for Bast, while she does still have her kind heart, she is not the gentle soul I made in the original anime. In this, due to how long she had to live as well as her being a very beautiful woman, people (mostly men) have tried to take advantage of her. This would make her downright cold and untrustworthy of anyone she comes in contact with. There is even at one point in her life that a man she thought to be a kind soul turned out to be ugly and tried to rape her. This seriously damaged her view on men in general and even cause her to have PSTD. (Which unfortunately for Atem when they are starting to reform their romance, he ends up triggering that painful memory, but by accident and it leads to miscommunication.) She would even have one point that she almost ALMOST could have easily turned into someone who could kill if she wanted. But thankfully, she was saved from that and thus she vowed to keep her kind heart but be mindful of people. Thankfully, meeting Catzi and her friends, she starts to value her new friends and see not everyone is always going to take advantage of her just because she's beautiful. For her clothes, as I said, due to how most people just saw her only for her beauty, she started wearing baggy clothes in attempt to hide her true self. She really does get sick of people constantly hitting on her. After being with Catzi, her friends, and her relationship with Atem improves, she starts to reveal more of herself once again and never be ashamed for who she really is. I also made her hair a little more blue instead of the usual teal/dark aqua color.

Now for Bakura, this is where it gets interesting. I have shown in the comic and talked about it a bit there, but in this, Bakura is not evil. I mean, he kinda was at first but honestly, I feel like he didn't have to be. I feel so bad that he went through so much and never got a second chance in the end. So, for this, he was forced to be controlled by Zorc. And while being stuck in Egypt, he had to live his immortal life away from people for the most part. It wasn't until Ryou and his father come to Egypt and try to get the Ring. Of course, Bakura and Zorc can feel the Ring being disturbed so they had to go check on it. In the end, the Ring ended up killing Ryou's father since he was not worthy and Bakura was left to become his father. This actually changed Bakura. For so many years, Zorc had been trying to teach him of how being evil is the way. But Ryou, being just a small boy, would show him that it's not right and awaken the long lost human emotions and Bakura's old self. Thus he rejects Zorc which causes the evil being to go off by himself and becomes a normal human again. He also ends up caring and loving Ryou as his own son. Now for his design, I can see him just wearing simple clothes and not really caring too much about his appearance. I don't think he really brushes his hair all that much. XD He's also handsome but due to his sarcastic rude self, I don't think girls would want to hang out with him for too long. Going back to his hair, I decided to combine both the hairstyles he had. I honestly like the bat wing like or demon horn hair spikes. XD And also, I heard his thief king self was like 5'7. 5'7??? He was freaking shorter than Ryou who is confirmed to be 5'9!!! Nah...he looks taller than that, so I'm going to think he's 5'11. XD

Anyway, there you have it. Sorry for going into a bit of a rant but I wanted to show you all this and I really like how all three came out. :D

[sorenskyhigh]

Heyyy! I saw you take requests! Imagine: werewolfves, vampires, winged humans and other fantasy/mythological creatures exist (Dungen&dragon races maybe?), What would your favorite Karasuno character(s) be? And, already a happy new year! (ﾉ◕ヮ◕)ﾉ*.✧

Happy New Year!🎉🎆 I think I'm gonna do all of Karasuno bc they all deserve love and I just love all the Haikyuu characters!!!!! And thank you for putting in a request this is my first!!!!!! Wooohoo!!

Karasuno as D&D

(Or what I think they would be)

Daichi Sawamura

When I think of Daichi I think of a very stout, hardy person.

I know he's 176 or so cm but he's very built and in personality and physical build, sturdy

I also see him very hardworking

Daichi seems very dependable but in a chaotic way

Like he really wants to help but he also simultaneously has NO idea what he's doing

But also I can see him loving the world, people, and animals and nature

A protector but maybe a slight loner or the leader of a group, no inbetween

I honestly think he would be either a Dwarf (the only problem I have with this one is is that I don't view Daichi as a materialistic person like a Dwarf to want gold everything and whatnot) or a Firebolg

I feel either of these could fit him since they are very hardworking and sturdy people. But I lean toward firebolgs more since they are kinda calmer natural people if that makes sense??????

Daichi by no means is a calm and just no worries kind of guy but, I feel like he does have a slow and steady wins the race

Daichi is wise and strong and could live a calm and natural life like a Firebolg

Living with the animals and helping them but also living with a tribe of his people

Koushi Sugawara

I look at Suga as a very loving person that in his own chaotic way tries to help everybody

A mom friend if you will

I also see him getting close with few people a being very ride or die

He also seems a bit like a home body, like he enjoys staying home and being comfortable

Thats why I chose either a Gnome or Hafling

Gnomes are of a tight knit community and are very enthusiastic about life. Learning and building what they can

Building things to help their community and ending the day with a well earned drink with friends and family

Haflings love home comforts

Sitting by the fire and reading a good book

Doing some gardening and whatnot

But some travel and learn and grow intellectually

I think either of these would suit Suga

I can't stop imagining him as a Gnome with little goggles as he works on something small and metal with gears or him sitting in little Hafling attire or some pjs by a fire with some mead in one hand and a good book in the other

Asahi Azumane

I view Asahi as one of my personal favorite tropes of really big and scary but actually a sweet, bumbling mess/really small and adorable but could actually tortures you in a million different ways

Asahi is such a gentle giant but can get serious when he needs to

I also see him as someone very natural and loves nature/animals

That's why I picked either Triton or Genasi (the only thing about Genasi is they're super confident and Asahi very much is not)

Triton are water folk and outsiders (people think Asahi is scary and unapproachable)

They also have good relations with giant seahorses, Hippocampi, and sea lions

Can you imagine Asahi riding a Hippocampus with his gorgeous hair flowing in the waves of the water 😳 muah *chefs kiss* majestic

Anyways 😆

I also see him as a Genasi because they're kinda mysterious people with such a strong connection to nature and elemental energies

But I think he would specifically be an Earth Genasi bc they don't tend to make rash and are superior in strength and solid power

Yū Nishinoya

The little adorable ball of thunderous chaos

Noya seems like someone who loves to cause chaos but NEVER hurt anyone

He wants to have a good time but most people can't quite handle his version of a good time

Thats why I chose Satyr for Noya

Satyrs have the loose construct of a civilization and the wild urges of animals and beasts

Noya is a very independent person but will stick to very particular people

Satyrs are similar

They also view everyone as either a body to dance with, poor soul the mess with, or a sober mind to get absolutely hammered with

Ryūnoske Tanaka

Ryū is just such an awesome character to me

He is the real ride or die never gonna give up on you kind of person

I am not throwing any hate onto the other second years IN THE SLIGHTEST but Ryū did stay the whole time

And yet he seems, to me, to constantly need to prove his self worth

This is why I think he would be either a Human or a Lizardman

Humans are a young race and feel like, in their short lives they need to prove themselves

This drive causes them to be adaptable innovators and pioneers

Bu~ut I also think he would be good among the Lizardfolk

They have their own set of personal rules that they live by that aren't exactly conventional to most other races

Also they can be very food driven who isn't tho

Chikara Ennoshita, Hisashi Kinnoshita, Kazuhito Narita

All three give off similar vibes to me (not just cause they're background characters)

All three feel pretty chill and laid back but like their hardworkers once they have the right motivation

The three of them seem passive as well

Doing what they're told without much question but also like severe outsiders (I know they close themselves off from the others on purpose a bit bc they left and feel guilty)

So I chose Changelings for these three

Changelings are generally harmless, passive beings without interest in other races political affairs

But bc of this most others find them not trustworthy

They kind of don't have their own culture and just slip into other societies

I feel like these three did this with the volleyball team bc they didn't show them ever having some kind grand dream or ambitions

They just kind of float along with certain people they're comfortable with

Tobio Kageyama

Kageyama is a very independent character at heart

It's not that he WANTS to be a lonely necessarily, I feel, but that he wants to prove himself so much and constantly that he pushes people away

Even after he learned about relying on people and what it means to be a team

He stills feels like he should be able to do it himself

I feel like there is an ever constant duality in him

That's why I think he'd be a Half Elf

Human/elf mixes never really belong anywhere bc they either age faster than there elven peers or watch as their human loved ones age and die off much faster than themselves

This is why Half elf/humans keep to themselves

But for Kageyama, I feel if he had never met Hinata, Daichi, Suga, Ryū, or any of them, he would've isolated himself on accident from everyone

Shoyo Hinata

Shoyo is very impulsive but does extremely well with others

He is definitely social and NEEDS to have other people to watch his back

He has shown to be aggressive and super competitive with other players

But he forms strong bonds with those he really cares about

I feel like he would be, specifically a Longtooth Shifter

These shifters specifically are aggressive towards others they are not close to

But are deeply invested in those they have chosen to share their time with

They also are Lupine/dog based beings

And Shoyo definitely has a very dog like personality

They also are more pack oriented than other shifters

They have teamwork and group fluidity

Kei Tsukishima

Tsukishima a very stereotypical character but written in THE BEST WAY

He's that stereotype of antagonist to ally or prude outcast to reliable friend

This was caused by the circumstances of him finding out the situation with his brother

So he decided that no one could be trusted with Yamaguchi as an exception

Elf or Tiefling, did you really expect anything else? 😜

Elven people are very reserved a set themselves apart most of the time from other races, generally thinking of them as inferior or untrustworthy to be around the knowledge Elven people possess

Like Tsukishima they think themselves above other beings with a few that choose to live with with humans

Tieflings are forced away from other races

Because of a past sin that has changed them to look slightly different from others, they are shunned

I relate what happened when Tieflings became a different bloodline of humans to what happened between Kei and his older brother Akiteru

Tsukishimas rejection of companionship is something he does himself, but it is a form of mistrust towards others to not lie to him like he once was

Both Elven and Tieflings are very intelligent in their own differing ways

Elven are very well read and prestigious

Tieflings are good at slight of hand and swindling others bc of the rough cards they've been dealt in life

Tadashi Yamaguchi

Tadashi is a very different person than from what people make him out to be

Everybody makes him out to be an uwu ooga booga baby child that needs protecting

But he's not

That's not to say he doesn't have a large, warm and welcoming heart but he's NOT weak by any means

He's strong and he eventually becomes independent from Tsukishima and doesn't have to be codependent

Tadashi Yamaguchi is an amazing hardworker that is learning about the world and is trying to better himself slowly day by day

But there is the soft, kind and helpful side of him that would just do anything for a struggling stranger

That's why I chose either a Tortle or Kobold

I see him being maybe a Tortles that lives a simple life filled with schedules and living a very ritualistic life

They live simply and are very personable beings

But there's also Kobolds who are dragon like creatures that are INWARDLY aggressive but are industrious beings

They hate larger beings as they're short but will show respect if need to but would show backhanded and passive aggressive ways to show their displeasure

They also don't like direct confrontation and would rather entrapt another creature or being than directly fight them

They are also cunning and have a knack for plan making with which they share through out their entire tribe

Kiyoko Shimizu

I see Kiyoko as a very dependable person but also very independent and very strong and strong willed

Basically a feminine icon, honestly

She can do just about everything but seemingly has her own agenda

You're very lucky if her agenda should happen to align with you and your goals because she is an indestructible force not to be dealt with lightly

And yet, she is above all else a women

Feminine, beautiful, and incredibly amazing (as all women are)

I chose Aasimar for Kiyoko

Aasimar are beings that are often descendants of celestial or higher beings

They generally hold good morals and are justice deliverers

They generally serve a guardians of law that strike at evil, lead by example, and dish out justice where it is needed

They are cautious of others and sometimes misunderstood as they did what they do what they believed to be right

Aasimars are also extremely empathetic and are often times hurt by the prejudice they suffer in early years as many don't like what they don't understand

Hitoka Yachi

Yachi IS NOT THE SOFT, DEFENSLESS, CRYBABY EVERYBODY MAKES HER OUT TO BE

Yachi is shy and nervous but that is only bc she was accidentally persuaded into an intimidating world of giants

And for a short and petite framed girlt hat is TERRIFYING at first

But Yachi stepped up to the plate and batted away everyone's shit expectations for her because she rose to become an amazing manager for the team

She became independent from her mother's harsh ideas of her and showed her how powerful she can be

She may be small but she is truly mighty

This is why I picked Centaurs for her

Centaurs are the swiftest out of the humanoids and build peaceful communities

They hunt what and where they wish, as they generally move after a few years in one place, move

They highly value personal choice and individuality among their tribes

They also love and worship nature, many wanting to devote themselves to a higher power and/or become druids

They generally bear no ill will towards anyone unless the opposers strike first

Thank you @popcorntime-doodles for giving me my first request I hope you like this and I hope I did a good job

Again this is just my opinion and how I see the characters and the many races of D&D

Also again I do request I have a character masterlist in my bio ❤

@multifandombrainrot @kneecapstealingalien @akabxne @jiheonity @weareallhumans123 @smallmangi @canadian-crow @just-jellyfish @immiamarais @i-need-coffee-now-pls @foreveryoung050 @kuroos-world @luminasapphire @silverfire6 @shadowsbutdead @ghostexhibit @simpfornishinoya @goshikisimp @anothershadeofpink @mestayanon @japoga

[yandere-ac]

Maybe some yandere redd but for tom?

Ohohohoho!!! I’ve been waiting for this one!

Heads up! This one is a bit darker than my usual content (or well. The fix is normal but there’s one part that’s pretty dark) so if you’re faint of heart this probably isn’t the fic for you. I’m gonna post a different one in a few days, hopefully it’s not as dark. But with that aside, I hope you enjoy!

Yandere Crazy Redd X Tom Nook

Business partners

Oh Tom, his sweet Tom. Redd observed his past parter as he peacefully slept. His stomach was slowly rising and falling, rising and falling. Standing besides his bed, Redd watched him in amazement. He considered stroking his soft fur but that would undoubtedly wake him up. But god would he do anything just to touch his fur again. It wouldn’t have been the first time. After all, when he said that they were past partners, he didn’t just mean that in the business sense. Oh how he yearned to those days when he and Tom would work together, running that shop, then after the shift was over they’d go down to his place to watch a movie while snuggling. Tom would make dinner that he and Redd would eat while watching said movie. After that they would go up to Redds room and cuddle under the covers. Only to fall asleep in each other’s arms. Back then Tom didn’t have his own house so he usually stayed with Redd. Not that he ever complained.

The day that Tom first walked into Redds store and Redd first laid his eyes on him, he thought he would just be another fool that he could scam. He started to sweet talk Tom into trusting him, like he did with everyone. But then something peculiar happened. Tom had asked for a job. This baffled Redd beyond belief, no one had ever been interested in working in Redds shop considering how sketchy it looked. Then on top of that there was the fact that most people had grudges against foxes and usually would want to get out as soon as they bought their item. To see someone so eager to work with someone like Redd...it felt nice, almost reassuring in a way. And so, Redd accepted Toms offer and he became the second employee at Redds little shop. Needless to say, things got a lot nicer once someone else began working with Redd. The atmosphere was a lot less heavy and scary whenever someone came in to buy something. Tom would always walk up to them, telling them about their sales and deals and prices. That was something that Redd adored about his friend. He had such a calming and comforting aura surrounding him that no one ever felt uncomfortable walking in the store. Redd had never gotten any of his “customers” to feel safe around him. He just had that kind of menacing and untrustworthy look to him huh? But that was another thing about Tom. Back in the day when he was much younger he was still very uncorrupted. He hadn’t been exposed to just how cruel and unjust the business world truly was. Redd made sure to keep it that way. Tom wasn’t naive, not in any way shape or form. Redd knew that, but he still felt like he had to protect his parter from any scum around them. The world was imperfect, it was dirty and foul and didn’t deserve someone like Tom. That was the beginning of Redds downfall.

When Tom asked him out he was shocked. Shocked that someone like Tom would want to be with someone like him. He accepted of course and after a few dates they became an official couple. They displayed full affection when at Redds house but Redd made a rule never to show any sign that they were a thing while in the shop or outside. That wasn’t because he didn’t want to, no, Redd would love to be able to wrap himself around Tom when they were outside. Kissing him and holding him, making sure everyone knew he was his. You see, the part of town we’re Redd and Tom had their shop, let’s just say it wasn’t exactly the most clean place with the most accepting people. Redd was scared that something would happen to Tom if they did show public affection. Of course, Tom wasn’t happy about this. Not happy at all. This is ultimately one of the many things that led to him wanting to break up and move out.

“Redd, listen-“

“Oh c’mon nookie, quit fooling around like that. You scared me” Redd said trying to avoid the subject, desperately wanting to keep Tom from leaving him. He had packed all of his clothing and such and was simply wanting to tell his partner that he was going. “Redd, I’m leaving. You know it’s been a long time coming so please, let’s just not make this more difficult then it needs to be” Tom said sternly. Redd hated when he spoke like that, when he had practically no emotion in his voice because he knew he was just stating the obvious truth. He was trying to pretend that he wasn’t feeling something just so this can be easier. Redd knew he was bluffing, under that poker face was a storm brewing up. He just had to make it break out. “So that’s it huh? After all I’ve done for you? After all the sacrifices I made? After all those nights we spent you’re just giving up? I know you’re not that weak Tom” Redd said, trying to convince his soon to be past lover into staying. “There it is! That’s exactly why I’m doing this! All the time it’s just all about you ain’t it Redd! About how you feel. How you think. How you want it. It’s NEVER about ME is it!? You’re so selfish that you can barely look past your own ego to see that I’m unhappy!” Tom was now yelling. Tears threatening to spill out from his big eyes. “Do you know how long it’s been since I’ve last written to my friends back home!? No? ME NEITHER! YOU FORBADE ME TO DO SO BECAUSE YOU’RE TOO INSECURE TO TRUST THAT IM NOT CHEATING ON YOU! DO YOU KNOW HOW THAT FEELS REDD?! TO KNOW THAT YOUR BOYFRIEND DOESN’T TRUST YOU!” And there it was, the storm. Hot tears were now rolling down toms cheeks as his ears were down pointed. Now, he just had to...

”Oh...nookie...i...Im so sorry. I didn’t know you felt that” he reached out his arms and walked towards Tom. “Come here and-“

“Get away from me Redd...” Tom backed up and Redd stopped immediately as he heard this. “Get away from me! I know what you’re doing you bastard! You’re not sorry! Don’t EVER try to feed me that horseshit! You know it! I know it! I thought we could talk this out like adults...but I guess not...” the room became dreadfully quiet. The air felt like concrete. “I-“ “save it! I’m leaving. Goodbye...” and so the tanooki walked away, pushing into Redds shoulder as he stomped out of the house.

That was the last time Redd saw Tom for years. He moved back to his old home, completely giving up on his business dream. Redd stayed back in the shop, trying to move on. But everyone could see that something was different. The store became even more unsettling after that. For about two months, any and all hospitality that Redd gave his customers flew right out the window. He was snappy, rude, pushy and all in all just not having it. He couldn’t muster up any reason to even try to scam gullible people, the only thing he could think of was Tom. How did he do it? How did he manage to have such a welcoming exterior? It could have something to do with his comforting voice, the voice that he missed so dearly. Or it could be his big eyes, those big blue orbs that Redd would get lost in. Or maybe it was just that he basically looked like a giant teddy bear. Either way, Redd has none of those qualities and he wouldn’t even TRY to replicate them. He was to angry, but none of that anger was directed at Tom. Redd loves Tom more than anything and if anything was just mad at himself for letting Tom get away. He should’ve just taken him, locked him up in a cage where only he could see him. Yeah, just Redd and him. Alone together with nothing to disturb them.

And it was like that for maybe a year or two. That was until Redd found out were Tom was. And when he found out, he wasted no time taking a train to the town in which his ex now lived. He didn’t know why but he just had to see him again. He knew Tom wasn’t gonna be happy to see him but he didn’t care. The ride was long and unbearable, he couldn’t wait to see Tom again. He could barely hold in his excitement. Finally after driving for about 7 hours straight he arrived at his stop. Stepping out of the train he could see a big sign welcoming him to the small town. A small town with a peculiar name. “Mudmore? That’s an...interesting name...” As redd walked closer he swore he could hear distant music however he payed no mind to it at first, all he cared about was finding Tom. As he entered the town premises it was loud and clear what was going on. There was some sort of festival accruing. Although, it didn’t exactly change anything. He just had to find-

“Ough!!!”

“Ouch!!!”

Right before Redd could even manage to think of what to do next he had felt a strong impact on his left side. Someone had bumped into him. And in the process fallen down to the ground with him as well. They sat there for a few moments, rubbing their head before turning to look at him. Now he could see them more clearly. It was a girl, a girl with long black hair and brown eyes. She looked at him with worry. “Oh no! Are you alright? I’m sorry I wasn’t looking where I was going” she said as she rose up and reached her hand out for him. At first Redd was hesitant but after a few seconds he grabbed her hand. She pulled him up to his get and he brushed off some dust from his clothing. “Hey don’t worry about it kid...by any chance do you know if a tanooki called Tom nook lives here?” She looked at him and her eyes instantly lit up. “Oh yes! Oh yes I do! He’s my contractor and I work for him! I can bring you to him if you’d like!” This made the fox smirk. “Yes, I would like that very much”

The two of them walked through the town. A bunch of colourful characters running pat them as they were walking. Some stopped to say hi to the girl and some ran right past the two. “So, what’s your name?” A soft voice broke him out of his thoughts. He looked over to the girl. “Redd...it’s Redd...and you?” He said bluntly, he didn’t like to make small talk but it seems like he had no choice. “My name is Mariam! It’s nice to meet you Redd! So, why do you want to find Tom? Are you guys friends?” At this statement, Redd and to physically stop himself from laughing. “Umm...yeah I guess you could say that... we’re uh really close. But I haven’t seen him in a while and I wanted to visit” the human looked at him and smiled as he said this. “Aww, that’s so sweet! Well his store should be just around the corner now!” Store? Oh come on! Really? Tom would rather have some small store in this town than with him? That’s just insulting.

After a while Mariam stopped following him. Giving him directions as to where to go before running off to hang out with other villagers. No matter. It’s not like it would be hard to find the only store in town. Eventually he arrived at the so called store. Hmm. “Nooks cranny...not a bad name nookie...okay Redd...you can do this...” he took a deep breath before walking into the store. “Hello hello! Welcome to nooks cranny!” He heard a familiar voice call out to him. He was nowhere to be seen but he could hear the voice coming from the back room in the shop. “Just a second, I’ll be with you in a minute!” The door stood ajar as it filtered his voice slightly, not enough to block out his voice completely but just enough to silence it. And it was just open enough so that you can hear his voice. Looking around the shop while waiting in anticipation he could CLEARLY see that some inspiration was taken while making it. Shelves upon shelves stacked with items and furniture of all sorts. Soft footsteps could be heard coming towards him. The door opened to reveal a tanooki, walking at a brisk pace as he neared Redd. “Now what did you wa-“ the man in front of him halted as his eyes widened. Looking the fox up and down to make sure that his eyes weren’t deceiving him. “It...it cant be...” his voice was low and breathy, almost like he couldn’t, like he refused to believe what he saw before him. “Redd?” At that Redds lips turned into a small smirk, eyes still remaining gentle. He didn’t want to break the poor man so he had to be careful with his demeanour. “The one and only” he tried to ease the tension which lingered all too long, that of course didn’t work as most his attempts at bringing up someone’s mood. “What are you doing here Redd” he said. A now harsher tone underlining his voice. “Hey can’t a guy want to visit the oh so famous Mudville as it’s undergoing a festival? God Tom, my world doesn’t revolve around you, the small fact that you’re here as well is simply a coincidence” He said nonchalantly as he walked closer to his former boyfriend. He looked at one of the items on display. A glass chimpanzee statue. “How much for the monkey?” Before Tom could get the chance to say anything the sound of a chiming bell broke the tension. The girl from before ran in with a purple cat with a red shirt following behind her. “Hi Tom! Do you know where the fireworks are?” She asked him. Without taking off his gaze from the fox Tom quickly replies. “In the back room” the girl gave him a smile as she rushed past Redd, but as she past him she stopped. “Oh Redd! So you found Tom after all! That’s good. I felt a little guilty about letting you find him on your own but I see now that you’re more than capable!” After that she ran to get the fire works...

Well shit.

All the while the human and cat was in the store, Tom was glaring at Redd. He could almost feel his gaze burning into him as the two waited in uncomfortable silence for the shoppers to leave. Redd was trying to not look at Tom, fumbling with the monkey instead of facing his ex. Once they were gone Toms eyes narrowed as he crossed his arms, all the while Redd put down the statue and giving him a sheepish smile. “Coincidence huh? And for your information, it’s Mudmore. Not Mudville” ”same difference!” Tom could feel his temper get shorter and shorter as the fox started getting on his nerves. “I thought I made it clear that I didn’t want to see you ever again Redd. The only reason I’m not kicking you out right now is because there’s a festival going on, and i dont wanna spoil my good mood any more than you’ve already done!” Tom said as he shot the fox a glare. “Now, get out of my store! I need to close it up so I can spend the day with my children” Tom ordered as he went out of the store. “Pff! Fine! Like i- CHILDREN?! YOU HAD KIDS!?” Redd was completely stumped. How did Tom manage to move on with his life so quickly in the span of a couple of years! What was he married as well?! “Yes, I did. Or well, I adopted them” He said as he reached for his keys in the pocket of his apron. “Oh...why though? Kids are such a hindrance of your freedom. I thought you were all about that nooki-“ “don’t!....call me that...and for your information. I found them in a box underneath a park bench. It wasn’t exactly a decision that I could think about long and hard. But they’re the best thing that ever happened to me” Tom said, his voice becoming almost tender as he mentioned the small boys. “Hmm...well I never figured you as the dad type but sure. Whatever makes you move on from me!” Redd figured that he wasn’t gonna be able to get back with Tom so he thought, why not be a little petty while he’s still there. It’s what he does the best. When Redd said this Toms face went into a grimace that was a mixture of disgust and a mocking grin. “Oh that’s rich coming from you. I’m not the one who’s seemingly looking up where my ex is so I can stalk him when he was clear he didn’t want to see me!” Tom was now dragging Redd out of the store so he could get out of this predicament. “Yeah? That’s because you’re boring! You never wanna take risks! You never wanna do anything exciting! You never wanna-“ “scam innocent people?” “And you always do that! You make everything sound so horrible!” Redd rolled his eyes as he heard Toms statement. Anyone who’s gullible enough to be scammed shouldn’t be trusted with money! He’s simply teaching them a lesson. “I don’t make everything sound horrible. I just say things for how they are! And let me tell you how THIS is, I don’t want to see you! I don’t EVER want you to come near me, my sons, or my village ever again!” With that, Tom walked past him. “Goodbye Redd” his voice was cold and unwelcoming. And with that he stormed off. Redd could see two smaller tanookis run up to him and tackle him into a hug. Almost instantly Toms face went from irritation to pure joy. He was laughing. He looked so happy. He missed that. He missed being able to make him laugh. But it’s been about five years and Tom had moved on, gotten his own shop, found a home, gotten new friends, even started his own little family. A family that Redd was never gonna be apart of...

“...fuck, no! Not now!” He felt his eyes sting as they began to well up. “No no no no no!” He quickly rushed to the train station and once he made sure no one was in sight, he let the tears flow down his cheeks. He fucked it up yet again! He fucked it up the first time and now he did it again. Why did he have to be so stupid! Stupid! Stupid! Why did he even show up here?! He thought that seeing Tom again would make him feel better! Just make him feel good for once! But no! Seeing him completely happy and having moved on makes him feel even worse than before. He regretted that night so much! The night that he let Tom walk away! Why did he let him go! He couldn’t stand this exile any longer!

Redd started showing up to the outskirts of the village in a little tent. He called it his black market. It was a cute name he thought. But soon crossed out the “black” part of the sign outside. Even if it was a joke he didn’t want to get in trouble, after all, he didn’t have a licence and was basically doing this illegally. But he didn’t do this for the money. No, he did this so he could still be close to Tom. He will admit, even if seeing him so cold towards Redd made him feel like garbage, seeing him happy awoke something I him. It reminded him of when they were together. It wasn’t ideal but it would do. However he stayed out of his way, not wanting another confrontation with him. The worst thing that could happen to him would be if he actually started crying in front of Tom. He didn’t want to show any weakness, that would show that he cared. And he couldn’t have that. The shop wasn’t exactly popular by any long shot. Only a few people came in once in a while but usually left because of his insane prices. Redd would spend his days in the shop and during nighttime he would spy on Tom. And that was pretty much how life was for a while. That is until Redd got some horrible news.

“MOVED!? WHAT DO YOU MEAN HE MOVED?! WHY?! WHERE?!” He was shaking the person in front of him who had given him the devastating news. “Well I’m not sure why he did it but I have a hunch it could be because a certain someone wasn’t leaving him alone.” As the person said this their voice became more prominent, clearly putting the blame on Redd. “As of where, I can’t tell you. Even if I knew where, I wouldn’t say.” After that, they left. This wasn’t good. This wasn’t good at all! If he wasn’t with Tom, he feared that he might do something crazy! He felt completely and utterly hopeless, he just found Tom again! He couldn’t loose him! After about two weeks of nonstop searching Redd started getting desperate. He wanted, no, he NEEDED to see Tom again! And so, he started to consider doing some...morally questionable things. He may be a scammer but he never wanted to hurt someone...but...if it was for Tom...

“I’m telling you! Please I don’t know where he moved! I promise!” The owl begged shaking in the chair that Redd had tied him down to. He wasn’t gonna lie, he was a little ashamed he let things get this far. But it’s all for Tom. He had pretty much abducted the museum owner, Blathers. And was pressing him for the information of where Tom had moved. Throughout the time he lived in Mudmore one persistent thing was that Tom and this owl seemed to be friends, close friends. If anyone knew where Tom had moved, it was blathers. “Please! I don’t know where he went. You can take everything I have! My wallet, my clock, my bells, everything! Just- please don’t hurt me!” His pleading was wearing short on Redds patience. He narrowed his eyes even more than they already are. Walking closer to the quivering owl. “Tsk tsk tsk. Blathers, blathers, blathers...I didn’t want it to come to this...but I guess you leave me no choice” Blathers eyes went wide as his breathing hitched. “W-what are yo-ou going to do to me?!” Redd let out a heavy laugh as he walked away from the owl and into the darkness.

“No...no...I’m not gonna hurt YOU” blathers could barely see redd anymore, just his figure. “....say blathers...what would you do if your sister...LOST HER HEAD!!!” Suddenly, Redd threw another owl out from the shadows. It was Celeste! She was shaking as she layed before her older brother. Redd came up behind her and used one hand to lift her head up, Revealing her throat. Placing his other hand over it, his claws very prominently pointed to her. “NO!!!! LEAVE HER OUT OF THIS!!! THIS HAS NOTHING TO DO WITH HER!!!” Blathers was now thrashing violently in the chair. Trying all he could to break through. “PLEASE SHES THE ONLY ONE LEFT!!! THE ONLY ONE I HAVE! YOU CANT TAKE HER!!!” Redd wouldn’t lie. Something about this situation, about seeing someone who were taking up Toms attention being in such pain...it felt good. To the point where he let out a deep chuckar at serien the owls futile attempts at escaping. “Now now Blathers. I’m not gonna hurt her...yet! All you need to do is just tell me where Tom moved. And I’ll let her go unharmed” Celeste looked at her brother, tears spilling out of her eyes. “B-blathers?” Her voice was raspy, damaged from crying to much. “I’ll tell you everything! Please just let go of her!” Blathers begged. Redd got what he wanted. He’s not gonna press the poor owl any longer. And so, he let go of the little bird. She quickly scrambled over to her brother. Placing her head in his lap as she cried. “Now talk!” “O-Okay okay! Tom has been working on this project for the past couple of years. H-he called it the- the island getaway package!”

Blathers told Redd pretty much everything he needed to know. About where Tom was going, what he was doing and how long he’d have to wait until Tom came out about it publicly. “Alright....now, where is he?” Redd asked, judging from Blathers eyes becoming slightly wider he guessed that he didn’t know. “I-uhh....he’s- he’s moved to this city called Bumbleville! Up north!” Blather said, Redd tried his hardest not to roll his eyes at this. “You’re not a very good liar blathy boy” “but I-“ “no! Shush!...lucky for you, I’m in a good mood. You’ve given me plenty of information. And off that I thank you” Redd walked up behind blathers, and in a swift movement he cut up the rope that was holding him to the chair. Immediately, Blathers embraced his sibling, trying his best to comfort her. “Get out of my sight Blathers. And don’t make me regret this” without skipping a beat. Blathers ran out with his sister. Redd would be leaving tonight. He’d just have to roughly wait a couple of months before he could see Tom again. He’d waited years already, so a couple of months wouldn’t be too bad.

And that leads us to where he is now. Watching Tom sleep. It had taken about five months until Nook inc came out with the news of island living. And as soon as Redd found out the general area of the islands that was gonna be used, he went to his boat that he’d saved up for during the five months and went out to sea. After that it only took a lot of trial and error to finally find the island that Tom lived on. He wouldn’t lie and say it was easy, because truth be told. It really wasn’t. He started looking way back in March and the day he finally found him was in the beginning of May. It had been long and tedious, but it was so worth it. He had finally found him again, just being in his presence made his stomach fill up with butterflies. This time he wasn’t gonna let him leave. Not EVER again. Taking out a white cloth and a bottle out of his apron he soaked it with the liquid inside. That liquid being chloroform. Getting ready to put his lover into a deep sleep he hesitated for a moment. What if...what if he just woke him up before? He wanted to see the fear in his eyes as he fell asleep once more. Looking at his soft fur, he decided. Taking out his paw, he carefully started stroking Toms head. He could hear him letting out a soft mumble, it was adorable. Toms eyes opened slightly, but once he saw Redd, they went wide open. “REDD- MMMPHH!!!” Redd pressed the cloth against his nose and mouth. Tom was flailing around like crazy, trying to get Redd off of him. But nothing worked as he felt himself drift off. Tom tried to hold on but he just couldn’t. The last thing he saw before he lost his Conscience was Redd smiling down at him. And just like that. He slipped into unconsciousness.

Part 2

[i-fucking-hate-ppl]

Can I request headcanons for the hazbin hotel crew (separately) dealing with a human on hell? They were sent by some kind of ritual of their 'church' ,against their will, and now they're a tiny human surrounded by big scary demons. It takes a while to get used to them and eventually fall in love. I love your headcanons!! Especially the ones with Alastor! Your writing is amazing!💗💗💗

Thank you! I'm glad you enjoy what I'm going! Anyway here you are! Some of the characters warm up quickly so I hope you dont mind. I just couldn't see them being cold to the reader! So enjoy!

Charlie:

• When you first showed up, she honestly freaked out and called for Vaggie.

• Feels really bad for you, but she makes sure not to pity you.

• You were just so sweet! How could they do something so horrifying to you?

• Honestly warms up to in an instant!

• You're just such a good person! It's really sad because if it wasn't for your church you'd probably would have gone to heaven.

• She was going to have you stay at the hotel as a guest for free, but you insisted on doing something, so you work with Nifty to make sure the place is clean.

• Before she knows it, she's fallin in love with you, your honest, and happy-go-lucky personality.

• She couldn't help it, especially when you made the best of this horrible situation your church put you in.

• She really wants to go up there and hit her church upside the head. Like wtf was wrong with them for sending such a beautiful angel down to hell?

• But if they hadn't she would have never met you soooooooo...

• She'll definitely stare at you from afar and the second you look her way she'll panic and pretend she wasn't staring at you and was reading a book. (You know, the one shes holding upside down)

Vaggie:

• Definitely the coldest towards you.

• Tbh she thought you were a demon pretending to be a human at first, but it becomes clear that you're not.

• After gaining her trust, she'll be a lot kinder towards you.

• You'll get an actual smile every once in a while.

• She'll definitely fall in love with you when you yell at Alastor for making her uncomfortable.

• Not only do you have guts but you also stood up for her.

• She loves that.

• She doesn't understand why your church sent you here, but she's glad that from every human they chose to sent, they sent you.

• Once she realizes she likes you, she'll be even more kind and she'll actually have a decent conversation with you!

Alastor:

• His first reaction when he met you was to corrupt you. Get you to become a sinner.

• He was still be himself. Being creepy af, completely untrustworthy, and all smiles- except he would not touch you.

• He'd wont shake your hand or anything. If you try to touch him, he'll give you this creepy as stare/smile and scary ass static will play in the backround.

• Although all plans to corrupt you and fuck with you immensely throw themselves off a roof the second he sees you with Nifty.

• You're being friendly with her, smiling with her, laughing and joking around.

• You look beautiful doing so. And it warms his heart.

• He'll act exactly the way he did before towards you, in fear you'll catch on, but instead he'll actually give you a handshake! Progress, yay!

Angel Dust:

• He found it extremely interesting. He's never fucked a human in hell before (that's quite obvious), so he'd make it his mission once he's gotten over the initial shock to bang you.

• So toooooooons of flirting.

• Lots of sex jokes added in as well.

• Will not take no for an answer. I mean he wont push anything but he definitely wont stop until you say yes. (Which isn't happening anytime soon)

• Nifty will screech at him when he flirts with you around her, it's the only time he's not flirting with you.

• What actually got him to fall in love with you was when some creep starting flirting with you and you told him off with sass and insults. And you looked hot doing it.

• Also hinted at the fact you didn't mind him flirting with you since you only ever replied with sass so bonus!

• He wont ever tell you, he's a bit ashamed by it, but he's glad that church of yours sent you down to hell.

• He'll act the exact same except his words will actually having meaning behind it, and he'll stop flirting with everyone else.

Husker:

• He completely didn't give two shits about you when you showed up.

• Oh a human? Who gives a flying fuck.

• If you try talking to him he'll give you a nasty look and continue drinking

• He'll only start talking to you once everyone else gets comfy with you being there (or if you pester him enough)

• He'll find he actually quite enjoys speaking with you. You're not a complete idiot or annoying (*cough* Angel Dust *cough, cough* Alastor *cough*).

• You even bring him some cheap booze! How could he hate you after that??

• He'll fall in love with you over time. It's all the little things you do. Bring booze, letting him get a break and taking over his spot, telling Angel Dust to stfu and go away. Everything.

• Once he's like "oh shit I can love" he'll be sweeter towards you. Not by much but in small ways. (Like offering you his booze, even though you never take up the offer)

Nifty:

• Nifty was ecstatic to meet you! She loves making new friends!

• She was a bit wary but when Charlie warmed up to you, she warmed up to you quickly!

• She likes when you bring her snacks and treats after she's finished cleaning. It really makes her day!

• She also loves that you try to keep things neat so she doesn't have to clean it!

• She really fell in love with you when you brought a new board game for you two to play together!

• Now that she likes you, shes glued to your hip! She wont leave, so you're stuck with her! You have to force her to stay outside the bathroom door when you have to go, but she'll be waiting for you.

• Whenever she's not cleaning, she's with you! And she adores when you help her clean or watch her!

[beggingwolf]

omg I would love for you to break down that scene from TKK where sid goes into heat unexpectedly and geno rescues him from the Czech alphas!! (yes I have read and reread it a million times bc it is absolutely delicious.) (also this is jes @ticklefighthockey - can’t send from my hockey sideblog!)

hi jes!! thank you so much for asking!! I love that scene too

this is, uh, a behemoth. be warned: 

He’s being led on a tour of the rink, after the Russians have embarrassingly lost to Finland and before the Canadians are set to battle with the Czechs, when Zhenya stumbles upon him. 

I enjoy, in retrospect, how Zhenya and Sid’s emotional states are so different coming into this interaction. Even going back further than this specific day, Zhenya-in-Helsinki is bored and understimulated and out of his area of expertise and his alphaness is chafing at him. Meanwhile, Sid is overstimulated and anxious and fearful and in denial about/trying to hide his omeganess. Their designations are really on display here: Zhenya is brashly an alpha, Sid is shamefully an omega, and I Just Think That’s Delicious. 

It’s a flash, something deep and slumbering in his brain that alights like gas touched by a flame. One moment he’s listening to a very calm scout for the Superleague talk to him about Ovechkin and the potential a future Team Russia has, and the next there are yells echoing off the hallway’s walls and a figure racing towards them. A hook nestles into Zhenya’s intestines and his long leg moves, jerked along with the rest of him as he trips the running blur. 

The omega falls; Zhenya reaches for them, and before Zhenya can stop himself, his big hand grabs the omega by the back of their neck. The omega seizes up, and Zhenya can’t breathe as his grip tightens and then shakes. 

This is the, like, one part of the fic where Zhenya’s alphaness overwhelms him in the same way Sid’s omeganess overwhelms him. Sid is repeatedly at the mercy of his biology in the fic, and though he works to overcome it (and eventually settle into it), Zhenya doesn’t share that struggle—except for in this moment. I like how it equalizes them for a fraction of a second. Immediately after, the power imbalance flares to life and they’re on unequal ground, but for this moment, they’re both at the mercy of their bodies. It’s a huge aspect of what I enjoy about a/b/o.

Sid likes Helsinki. 

I love this jump cut, personally. I think it’s cheeky of me and fun and, after hooking the reader with Zhenya’s side of things, allows me to do what I enjoy most: babble on about juniors!Sid. Let’s fast forward to where the narrative catches up with Zhenya’s POV:

Sid is last out of the showers after practice. He doesn’t normally linger, but he had spent so long staring at how Carter’s traps and deltoids flexed as he washed his hair that he stalled and told everyone he’d catch up.

Sid’s discomfort with his designation almost takes precedence over his relationship with his sexuality in TKK. They’re inextricably intertwined, but Sid really spends more time thinking about being an omega than he does fantasizing about alphas—perhaps largely in part due to his first ~meaningful~ physical interaction with alphas ends up being a near-assault followed by a formative, if unhealthy, scruffing at the hands of Zhenya. I hope I put in enough to show that Sid is eyeing the alphas around him with intent and that it’s disrupting his routines. Builds the tension. Primes us for what’s about to happen. 

“Get out of there soon, Crosby, the Czechs are going to need the locker room in ten!” Durocher had called out to him, and Sid had made a sound of acknowledgement.

He’s not proud to jerk off in the empty communal showers. Once he’s come, he desperately tries to forget the fantasy of being shoved up against the cold tile, the slickness between his thighs being put to good use. His cheeks are flaming red and he’s mortified at himself as he washes the evidence off of his hands. In a rush he towels himself off and gets dressed in his team sweats, grabbing his bag of gear and jogging for the doors. 

Yeah I’d be mortified too, Sid.

He opens the door and runs face-first into a chest.

He chokes on his own spit as he smells it, the sharp, overwhelming scent of alphas, plural, and looks up at the huge Czech defensemen that he’s spent two afternoons watching tape on. 

The big one he ran into looks at Sid with vibrant blue eyes, and Sid stills as he watches the guy’s nostrils flare with a big intake of breath.

Sid forgot the cologne. 

“Crosby,” the alpha says, his accent strangely shaping Sid’s name. Sid heard plenty of Czech at the U18 tourney, when Canada had gone down against the Czech team and the players and their fans had drunkenly gathered outside of the Canadian locker room to howl shit at them until the Canadians muscled their way out.

He’s never heard anything like the way this enormous alpha drawls his name, and his eyes go wide. 

The alpha next to the blue-eyed one, a beefy blond guy that has a huge nose, takes a step towards Sid and says something. Sid can’t understand the words, but the message behind them is clearer than fresh ice in the winter, and all Sid can think is that he’s never been in this much danger. 

Some disgusting, traitorous part of him whispers in his ear that maybe he’d like it if he stayed and listened to what they had to say.

Sid runs. 

Sid’s sexual immaturity is really on display here. I don’t say anything about what the alphas smell like, and though Sid catalogues what the alphas look like (this was mostly so I could make them distinct in their actions), none of it is appreciative.

He’s a prey animal realizing he’s in danger, and regardless of his fantasies and recent jerk-off session, he has almost no desire to “be an omega” in this moment… except for the part of himself he hates, the part of himself he isn’t at ease with yet. EVEN THEN, he’s not interested in, like, being thrown to the ground and Taken in the biblical sense, but he’s interested in “if he stayed and listened to what they had to say.”

It’s that teasing at wanting something, that teenage impulse to want to explore what you’re feeling but not willing to go all the way because you’re afraid and unsure and still young! But his prey instinct wins out (smartly).

He hates himself for it; he’s a fighter, and he doesn’t run from boys who are bigger than him, but he knows as deeply and intrinsically as he knows his own name that the instant one of the Czech alphas gets their hands around his neck, he’s done for.

That first line could be interpreted 2 ways before you get past the semi-colon: does he hate himself for running because he wants the Czechs? No; it’s because he wants to fight. Sid’s incorrectly performing being an omega here in multiple senses: he’s running from alphas and wanting to avoid his heat, and he’s also wanting to fight them.

He drops low, bending his legs so he can ram his shoulder into the blue-eyed one’s stomach, shoving him back just enough so Sid can elbow past the blond alpha and push through. He feels the blond reach for him, and a shout builds in his throat as the boy’s big hand grazes Sid’s wrist, nearly gripping him before Sid can twist out of the way. 

He takes a step before the strap across his body gets yanked back, and Sid chokes as it digs into his Adam’s apple. The Czechs are gripping onto his hockey bag, and Sid only hesitates long enough for a hand to snake up and reach for his damp hair before he grits his teeth and slips out from under the strap of his bag and leaves it behind him, running in his untied sneakers down the hall.

The mention of his Adam’s apple draws attention to Sid’s age, I feel. It shows he’s physically mature but BARELY, because pointing it out draws attention to it in a conspicuous way. Then Sid being willing to ditch his hockey gear as he sprints—well, it shows (for once) he has his priorities straight. He tried to keep his omeganess hidden for the sake of hockey. Now he has to abandon hockey to keep himself safe. 

The Czechs yell, their voices loud and reverberating off of the walls in a way that feels like it can physically pummel Sid. He still has the scent of them in his nose, and he can feel his untrustworthy body responding. He runs blindly, as fast as he can.

HERE we get some sense that the alphas are having a physical impact on Sid. And yet it’s not eroticized at all. It’s made violent and scary and he’s stripped of his own senses. 

He rounds a corner and sprints, not remembering which way is which in the Helsinki rink. Sid barrels towards two figures in the hall, and his overwhelmed senses can tell that one of them is an alpha, the tall one, the dark one, and he sucks in one last desperate breath to hold so he can sprint past, so he can just get away from the heady scent and go somewhere safe.

Tall and dark, eh, Sidney? Our first hint of romantic descriptors. 

The tall alpha moves faster than lightning, faster than a goalie adjusting to block a shot, and Sid feels an ankle connect with his shin and he panics. 

Sid makes it about hockey. Ok bud sure you do you. (But like for real this represents a connection back to something Sid knows, something that is safe[...ish] for Sid, something that he loves).

He tripped him. The alpha tripped him, and maybe he’s in on it, and maybe Sid’s mom was right to be paranoid for all these years, and Sid’s hands come up to brace for the impact of the carpet when a hand as big as the span of his entire neck comes down on the back of it. 

Everything stops. 

Anxious stream-of-consciousness interrupted by an abrupt two-word sentence? Slap me silly with cliches, eh? But, hey, if it works...

The hand is enormous, the long, powerful fingers digging into the sides of Sid’s throat, and Sid’s jaw opens in something he hopes is a scream but by the way heat curls in his gut, he knows it’s something much, much worse.

Okay so HEREEEE we get yanked closer, again, to the erotic. The focus on hands (#TheFemaleGaze) as something salacious, enormous and long and powerful [hm. Freud is calling]... and even though Sid is terrified and refusing to put a specific name to what other emotion he’s feeling, his body betrays him yet again and we then fully slip into The Erotic with a heat—a heat—curling in his gut. 

The hand yanks him up, pulling him away from the floor, and Sid fights against the instinct to go limp with everything he has; his trained muscles seize up instead, and Sid has never been so grateful to be an athlete. He balls his fists, sliding his foot on the ground to try and right himself, and then his world ends when the alpha scruffs him.

Sid resorts to athleticism (his only other use for his body before Being An Omega fucked it up, according to him) in order to fight back. And then the line “and then his world ends” hits. Melodramatic, sure, but he’s 16.

And moreover, objectively, the world Sid knew before this interaction is indeed over for him. Zhenya later thinks in the fic that alphas and omegas feel fated, like something out of a fairytale, and that line of fate—that this was inevitable, that once Sid and Zhenya met, Sid would be lost to “normalcy,” does ring true by the time the fic ends.  

The alpha gives Sid a firm shake, just from the hand gripping his neck. Sid feels it down to his bones, reverberating through him harder than any check or hit he’s ever taken. Sid feels like he did when he was in 7th grade and one of his buddies tripped him while playing street hockey. This feels like when Sid’s head hit the blacktop; he’s not sure where all his limbs are anymore, and when he collapses, the alpha catches him.

This whole first chapter is just a major tease in regards to maturity, puberty, sexual awakenings, etc.

Sid acknowledged his physical response to alphas a few paragraphs ago, but now we’re back to Sid: The Child, to his middle-school self who is hurt and injured and vulnerable. By scruffing him, Zhenya ironically reverts him back to his child self; had Zhenya not scruffed him, who knows what Sid might have done or said to an alpha he was attracted to while he slips into heat?

By scruffing Sid—by making him no longer a viable partner [according to Zhenya’s instincts/hindbrain]—Zhenya actually keeps Sid safe here without even realizing it. 

Sid lets out a sigh that sounds pleased, and he wants to heave instead. 

And oop, we’re back! Tug and pull, back and forth. Will-they-won’t-they. Fun tension. The confusion of sexuality. Now that Sid is safe (even if he doesn’t know it), he can slip back into that pleasure state, even as he’s repulsed by it. 

The alpha says something. His voice is deep and rich. Sid’s head lolls back so he can catch a glimpse. 

He was right about the alpha being tall. His eyes go up and up to see the guy’s face. He’s older than Sid, but maybe he’s a player here. He could be 19, Sid hazily reasons to himself. His wide mouth is open in a concerned, surprised expression, and Sid’s eyes catch on how pink his lips are. He wonders how those lips would feel on his skin, but then his gaze is tugged upwards as the alpha’s eyebrows furrow over deep-set, dark eyes.

He’s handsome, and Sid is in his arms, utterly limp.

This part makes me smile even now while reading it :) Sid’s hazily like “Uhhh he could be my age right? Yeah it can definitely be acceptable to want this guy. Totally. Also he can totally play hockey. A dreamboat… Just For Me. Look at those lips. Also I’m totally helpless right now and for the FIRST time instead of terrified I am the human embodiment of the 👀 emoji.”

The alpha asks something of Sid, and Sid just stares up at him, dazed. He doesn’t know the language; it isn’t Czech. Maybe… Russian?

The hand still around his neck flexes, and Sid’s lips part. The alpha’s dark gaze drops to them, and Sid’s frightened by the emotion that blooms in his chest, a pride that’s twined with the adrenaline of his run. He can taste the alpha’s scent on his tongue, and it’s woodsy and deep and it makes Sid think of sex. He can feel his tongue poke at his lower lip, and the fingers around his neck tighten. 

Then the noises from down the hall get louder, and Sid can’t move to look, but the alpha’s head jerks up. Sid watches as the alpha’s lips curl back and he snarls loudly at the Czechs.

Sid can smell them, the way their scents slide from hunter to hunted. There are rude, ineffective words spat at Sid before they retreat. He doesn’t understand a whiff of it, though, and all he can do is watch the alpha clinging to him. The alpha bares his teeth at the Czechs even as they scamper away. Sid can see the alpha’s teeth aren’t fully straight, but they’re sharp and a swooping sensation bottoms out in Sid’s gut.

It’s nothing like Parise’s hit, nothing like Tambellini’s command to leave the ball alone. Sid stares up at his alpha and he knows that if this guy took him to the ground, Sid would roll over without a second thought. 

Fear rages through him again, even as his body hangs still from the scruffing.

Now we’re just really in the sauce, eh? We’ve fully entered into The Erotic and though Sid has that taste of fear in his chest, it’s not fear of alphas. It’s not fear of Zhenya.

It’s fear of himself. He isn’t scared at all of what Zhenya could do to him; he’s scared of what he wants (or what his body wants? He isn’t sure where that distinction is, because he’s been trying to divorce himself from his omega body since it started Making Problems).

Spicy! Delicious! I do, in fact, love it! His body is acting without his control (his tongue) but Sid is naming what he’s thinking of: sex. He hates himself over it. I am thoroughly enjoying myself!

The alpha looks back down at Sid, his lips coming together to cover his sharp teeth. He says something softly, glancing over Sid with obvious concern in his eyes. His grip loosens and his hand slides up into Sid’s wet hair to cradle his head instead. 

“Crosby,” Sid can hear the other man, the beta next to his alpha— the alpha say in surprise, and Sid’s chest tightens. 

“Crosby?” the alpha murmurs, squinting at Sid. He asks something else, and Sid still can’t get his throat to work, the scruffing clinging onto his voice box like a crushing fist. 

The beta says something and the alpha grimaces, but he gently starts lowering Sid to the floor. Sid gasps in a breath, because no, not in the middle of a hallway, but the alpha just lays Sid down, bracing a careful hand on Sid’s shoulder, still cupping the back of his skull as he crouches down next to him. 

“Crosby? Omega?” He hears the beta say in a thick Russian accent, and Sid’s eyes swivel to look at him. 

“Help,” Sid finally begs, feeling weak and shameful.

Here we actually lose some of the erotic tension because

1. Zhenya looks at Sid with concern, not lust

2. His grip loosens on Sid, and

3. Zhenya puts Sid down not to have his way with him, but to make sure he’s okay.

The power dynamic is starting to shift; it isn’t so much about a/b/o as it is age right here. Zhenya is taking care of this kid, as he notes in the next section, and since Sid’s hangups over his immaturity will haunt him in the fic, his perspective sort of neuters Zhenya here because he thinks their ages will be a barrier to Sid getting Zhenya.  

Also, another line I love: “no, not in the middle of a hallway,” because it’s SUCH a major slip on Sid’s part. His problem isn’t that he thinks Zhenya is about to go to town on him; it’s that they’re in a hallway and he has standards. (Or, rather, reasonable concerns over privacy, safety, and general comfort). 

“Who is Crosby?” Zhenya asks as he stares down at the omega he’s cradling. 

He’s about to be a very big thorn in your side for the next forever, Zhenya.

The omega is so young. He looks half-baked, especially with his head held at such an angle, making his chin disappear into his neck. His face is still round, and he has curly hair that hangs boyishly into his eyes. Those huge eyes are stunned and Zhenya can see the panic in them.

We’re still in that de-sexed space; readers can think “Hmm okay so maybe Sid was right, that Zhenya doesn’t really want-”

Zhenya closes his mouth and tries to take in less of the omega’s scent. It’s hot and jabs at Zhenya’s brain like a spice; Zhenya can smell the slick on him and swallows down the saliva flooding his mouth. 

“Oh.” 

Yep. Still wants ‘im. Has a moral compass to stop himself about it. Barely.

Also, Zhenya eats a fair amount of food in this fic—shitty food, like his McDonalds meal and bad American coffee, and good food, like the ribs and coco lardo in Moscow and the pelmeni and soup with his mother. Sid’s scent is like a spice to him—this appeals to his emotional senses, not just his physical ones. 

“This is Crosby,” the Superleague scout says, dumbfounded. “He plays for Canada, he’s an omega—”

“No shit,” Zhenya grunts, and he can’t stop his thumb from stroking across the kid’s shoulder where Zhenya is pinning him down, the thin Team Canada shirt shifting under his touch. “Crosby, who’s here with you?”

Oops, crack in the facade there, Zhenya. Watch your hands. Still, it’s not made clear if this is a gesture meant to be comforting (to Sid) or selfish (for Zhenya). Ambiguity!

The omega, Crosby, gapes up at Zhenya, and Zhenya curses himself for scruffing him. 

He hadn’t meant to; he’s only scruffed an omega once, and it was in a very different context, where a buxom omega named Svetlana had wanted Zhenya to lay her out and make her limp with it in bed. Crosby certainly hadn’t asked, but Zhenya had felt the panic in Crosby like a guillotine rising over his head and had needed to stop it. 

More cracks. Relating it to sex with Svetlana and then pulling himself back by a VERY sharp image of a guillotine. Feeling like you need to cut something off, there, Zhenya? 

His hindbrain had made the decision for him.

Zhenya thinks about alphaness in terms of his hindbrain—a hidden prey drive he’s got in his head, an old evolutionary instinct. Part of him, but... not all of him.

It’s very distinct from Sid, who refuses to even consider his omeganess as something other than, like, a personal failure and/or a physical impediment that’s fucking with him. When his omeganess comes for him, it takes him over.

Zhenya THINKS about his alphaness as divorced from himself to justify his actions; Sid ACTUALLY divorces his omeganess from himself as a survival instinct (until it stops working, and then until he figures out it’s more advantageous to work with it).

Crosby’s pulse still rabbits away. Zhenya swears he can feel it through Crosby’s scalp, and he says softly, “It’s okay, Crosby, I’m here to help you. I’ll help you.”

Rabbit :) Prey animal. Zhenya touching him carefully, not like a wolf chewing on its prey, but like a human soothing a scared animal.

He hears the Superleague scout say something in ugly English, and Zhenya frowns, wishing he had spent any time at all working on English like Viktor had asked him to. He only knows scraps he’d picked up from the ridiculous Americans the Magnitogorskaya bratva worked with. 

“He’s almost in heat,” he snaps at the scout. “Ask him about suppressants, does he have any?”

“His team should, they…” the scout starts, and he moves like he’s going to leave in search of the Canadians, but he hesitates. 

Zhenya watches the scout’s eyes rove over Zhenya’s long, powerful frame bent over the crumpled omega beneath him.

“He’s a child,” Zhenya bites out, even as his body tells him he’s an omega. “I won’t do anything. Get help. Now.”

:) Spicy!

He puts real force behind the words, and even though Crosby doesn’t appear to know Russian, he shakes under Zhenya’s hold. 

“Shh,” Zhenya murmurs, looking down at him. Those big amber eyes focus on Zhenya’s, and Zhenya’s hand on Crosby’s shoulder slides up to cup the side of his face.

“It’s okay,” Zhenya tells him, and he knows at least that in English. “Okay.”

Zhenya immediately comforting Sid even though he’s addressing the scout! We have not seen much of Zhenya being caring before this point; is this who Zhenya is? Is this what alphas do for omegas?

Truthfully it doesn’t matter because there’s no discord between Zhenya and his designation. He’s comfortable as an alpha. He is what he is, and no matter where it comes from, he comforts Sid in this moment.

Fuck the blonde women of Finland; Zhenya doesn’t want anything except the chubby-faced Canadian teenager he has laid out on the floor of a hockey rink, and since he can’t do anything about that, he needs to keep Crosby calm. 

“You’re going into heat,” Zhenya tells him, knowing Crosby can’t understand. “You’ve done this before, yes? You’re old enough to know. It’ll be okay, we’ll get you suppressants, you’ll make it through. It’ll be just fine.”

Zhenya: “I will rationalize this. Yes. I can do that. Sure. Great. I cannot let myself YEARN. But I’m definitely going to give him command-sounding reassurances that definitely aren’t any alpha impulses leaking out of me.” 

Zhenya’s eyebrows shoot up when Crosby moves a hand; it’s weak, but he manages to lift his arm enough to grip onto where Zhenya’s holding his face. It had taken Svetlana the better part of ten minutes to lift a finger, and he can see that Crosby, while young, is strong.

And, by the heat in his eyes, angry.

Zhenya grins at him, and he can feel Crosby’s pulse jump under his hands. 

“Don’t be angry, kitten,” Zhenya croons at him, unable to help himself. “I kept you safe, didn’t I? I’ll get you back to wherever you belong, yes?”

Zhenya, you flirt. Also he’s like “Cool I’ll call him Crosby I’ll be professional and—oh wait he’s pissed off and cute about it haha hi Kitten :) hi :) I’ll take care of youuu :)” 

Crosby recognizes the tone in his voice, if the way his eyes tighten is any indication. He opens his mouth to make a discontented sound that sends Zhenya into laughter. 

“Come,” Zhenya tells him between giggles. “You’re fine, let’s go find your team.”

When he scoops Crosby up off of the ground and into his arms, Crosby makes a sound so undignified it makes Zhenya lean against the wall to catch his breath.

Honestly I’m not happy with the emotional tone here and had I not been writing 50k words in a fugue state and needing to publish them by fest time I think I would’ve changed this. But alas! Its imperfections make it unique… or whatever. Hopefully someone likes it. 

Crosby is heavier than Zhenya expected; he’s dense, and Zhenya can glimpse how much of that density is dedicated to his ass. While Zhenya doesn’t lift weights with Metallurg anymore, he brawls enough to have very functional muscles. He can handle Crosby. He would like to handle him very, very much.

Yeah you do, Zhenya.

[itsybitsylemonsqueezy]

Hi! I happened to stumble across your analyses on both Majima and Saejima and boy am I blown away by them! You captured their personalities so well it’s awespiring. Is there a chance you’ll write a post about Kiryu as well? It’s just that originally I’ve had a hard time liking him as a character because of the numerous mistakes he has made across the series (and the fact that others don’t really address them for some reason). Despite that I’m a huge fan of kazumaji and that’s why I feel conflicted sometimes. Anyway, I would really like to hear your thoughts about it!

Awww, you’re very kind ^^; Thanks for asking for more c: So, the reason why I haven’t yet made a post about Kiryu is NOT due to my lack of feelings about him, it’s quite the opposite. I have essays worth of feelings about Kiryu and just... have not found the time to really give those feelings credit ^^; But, since you ask and you’re having a hard time with his character, let me at least start. 

As a preamble, let me first say that there’s a difference between a character making a mistake and the writing making a mistake. This is not to say Kiryu never makes mistakes, far from it. I have a lot of feelings about Kiryu’s mistakes, they’re one of the reasons I love him, but a lot of the more egregious fuck ups are the writers making weak or poorly thought out choices. For example, like you point out, Kiryu makes mistakes and no one ever calls him out for it... that’s a writing flaw, not a problem with Kiryu. 

(Please note that to give my best reading of Kiryu, I’m going to reference as many games as I have seen, which is through game 6. If you do not wish to be spoiled through at least game 5 (I never reference game 6 if I can help it), do not read further.)

Continuing with that example... I cannot tell you how simultaneously OVERJOYED and FURIOUS I am about game 3 when Mine, MINE YOSHITAKA, a character who was introduced that game and then never appears again, is the only person who criticizes Kiryu’s decisions when he has DEMONSTRABLY made bad ones! Like, Mine’s criticisms are ENTIRELY valid, but because they come out of his mouth it’s hard to say if the audience is meant to sympathize or not. Especially since Mine is sort of the antagonist of that game and he’s not really pitched as a sympathetic character. You have to really be willing to be critical of Kiryu to hear what Mine’s saying there and agree with him. The way the scene is played, you’re sort of supposed to still identify with Kiryu and insist that he’s never done anything wrong ever, even though he’s put all of his friends in a vulnerable position and IS arguably to blame for the state Daigo’s in now, as Mine points out. 

And the writing is on some level aware that it is Kiryu’s fault or they wouldn’t have brought it up. They wouldn’t have had Mine say that if they didn’t see that problem. But the problem is they’re afraid of letting Kiryu be flawed. They’re afraid that if Kiryu’s wrong, even once, he won’t be The Good Guy anymore and the audience won’t like him anymore. This is weak and cowardly writing. Characters aren’t compelling because they’re never wrong, characters are compelling from what they do when they’re wrong. Any character who’s never wrong is unrealistic and, ultimately, boring. We all fuck up, we’re all only human. You ultimately will not identify with an infallible god because they would make choices you wouldn’t. I’m sure we can all think of characters who were pitched to us as infallible that, sooner or later, we ended up hating because of this very trait. So trying to pitch Kiryu as infallible is a ginormous mistake. But an understandable one, especially in a franchise that depends on the likability of its main character. But this means that they don’t trust their own writing, they don’t trust Kiryu’s inherent appeal and they fuck up the story around refusing to take risks. It’s one of the most heartbreaking writing decisions for me that those words come out of Mine’s mouth and not one of Kiryu’s friends. 

Because it’s Kiryu’s friends who deserve to get to say that. It’s Kiryu’s friends, the people who are directly affected by his actions and the people who CARE about Kiryu, who have the right to criticize him. Not some fucking young blood with a chip on his shoulder. Having Mine say it makes the criticism look biased an illegitimate when it isn’t. I understand the writing impulse to not let us criticize Kiryu, but think how much more compelling it would be to show that Kiryu’s relationships are strong enough to handle criticism. That the trust and love is there for a friend to come to Kiryu with this and to force Kiryu to confront himself and listen rather than ignore the problems and insist that he’s never done anything wrong. But to make that call, to let us doubt Kiryu, you, as the writer, have to trust your story, you have to trust your character, and, worst of all, you have to trust your audience. Many many writers of popular media do not trust their audiences. They don’t trust that if they let you doubt, you’ll come with them and see where the story leads. They’re afraid you’ll lose interest and turn away. Many writers feel that they cannot take the risk of trusting their writing for fear of losing their base and therefore their income.

And, again, part of the issue is the aims of the story. At the end of the day, RGG is here to produce a fighting video game, that’s it. Wrapping that up in a compelling story makes it more sellable, but their primary focus isn’t the story itself. It’s getting you to buy a fighting video game. If the mechanics aren’t up to par, if they fights aren’t cool and interesting, the rest doesn’t matter. RGG came up with a story to link the games together and invested in making an interesting protag, but it was to sell the games. If the point of this story was the story, I think we’d be seeing different writing decisions and maybe some of these flaws could have been avoided. And I don’t actually mean to point this out as a criticism and say why aren’t they creating art for art’s sake? I mean it really as a grain of salt that I personally use to try not to hold the writing here up to the standard that I would a novel or something. That may not be useful perspective for anyone else, but it’s a thing I like to keep in mind. 

So, part of what we see in Kiryu is that the writing fucking sucks. And it’s fair not to want to redeem Kiryu’s character or dig deeper into him when the writing hasn’t provided you with much. So no one feel bad if you’re not persuaded by my assessment, I’m not here to shame or convince anyone, I’m just offering my two cents. 

And now alllll of that said... Let’s talk about my boy, Kiryu Kazuma. 

I said earlier that characters are compelling based on how they react to mistakes, how they deal with them. Let me tell you, Kiryu is aware that he’s made mistakes. And he has regrets. 

What I find compelling about Kiryu is that he tries so fucking hard to do the right thing, all the fucking time. What I find compelling about Kiryu is that he wants so much to make people happy, to make people proud of him. He is scared all the time of doing wrong by people and making himself untrustworthy, making himself scary. He has lost so much, he has lost everything and he still gets up every goddamn day and tries. 

Does he fuck up? YES. ABSOLUTELY. ALL THE FUCKING TIME. But he gets up. Every. Fucking. Day. And tries. And you can’t buy that. You can’t ask for that. That’s just who he is, a guy who tries. 

I don’t... have time to explain the depths of my love for Kiryu, but let’s take my favorite Kiryu, what I think the best characterization of Kiryu is in the entire fucking series: game 5. Game 5 Kiryu is my favorite fucking Kiryu, including 1, including Zero, bar fucking none. I fucking love game 5 Kiryu. 

And Game 5 begins with a colossal mistake. 

Before the game starts, Kiryu is convinced, either earnestly or nefariously, to leave his little family and specifically abandon AHEM release his daughter Haruka to someone else. This is the stupidest fucking thing Kiryu’s done since giving up the chairmanship. But he does it because he is told that he is a greater threat to his family WITH them than abandoning them. I want you to think about that. Kiryu loves his family so much he would sooner leave them than do them harm. I need to remind you that Kiryu has already destroyed and rebuilt his own life once already. He has repeatedly given up everything for his dream of having a family and for all his beautiful kids more than once. And he just loves his little Okinawa home so much, he can’t stand the idea that he would bring it harm, so he fucks off. This is categorically the wrong decision and any other reasonable adult would know this. I’m sure you yourself understand intuitively why a parent, no matter how dubious, can’t just leave a brood of underage children to fend for themselves in the world.

But here’s the thing: Kiryu’s made a number of dumbass decisions that have led him to this point in his life. He doesn’t have any adult, peer friends to counsel him about this. He’s deliberately estranged himself from Majima, from Date, from all the people who could have helped him out here and told him not to. And deep down Kiryu’s always been worried that he was unworthy of this. He’s always been afraid that he didn’t really deserve to be happy, deserve his little family of innocents. And the plot SURE AS FUCK has confirmed that for him, repeatedly putting the kids in danger and reminding him that you can never actually leave the yakuza. Kiryu knows he’s fucked up. He knows adopting his family was a mistake, but it was too late, what was he gonna do now? But here comes this little insidious voice confirming his worst fears, telling him he needs to go, and Kiryu listens. He has no one else to listen to and he’s been so beaten down by the plot by this point, he’s lost so fucking much now, that he doesn’t have the strength to believe in himself anymore. So he goes. Believing that he is doing the right thing.

And then, as it always does, the plot comes for him, telling Kiryu he needs to come help, telling Kiryu only he can fix it. And Kiryu, for the first time in his life, puts his foot down. He’s so fucking tired, he won’t fucking do it, not one more time. Because every time he gets his ass up to help, what happens? Someone else dies. Someone else dies and it’s Kiryu’s fault all over again, and it’s Nishiki all over again, and Kiryu can barely fucking live with himself for all the guilt that he feels. He starts to help and he just loses. Every fucking time. So this time, no, this time he won’t do it. He can’t do it anymore. He just wants... everyone to be okay. And he’s so sure that everyone would be better off without him. 

If that’s a huge screaming red flag for anyone else IT SHOULD BE. Kiryu is in a depression spiral. He’s suicidal. He’s cut himself off from all his meaningful relationships, he’s not participating in his favorite hobbies, he’s alone and isolated in a new city where he doesn’t know anyone. He’s Not Doing Good. Game 5 is about finally, FINALLY confronting Kiryu’s demons, all the pent up unresolved guilt and turmoil that we never fucking addressed for 5 games running. (And if you’re hearing Bitter Resentment in the way the games have handled Kiryu’s emotional reactions OH BOY YOU BETCHA but that’s for another post.)

So Kiryu finally says no. He won’t fucking do it. But the plot comes for the fucking carotid. It’s Majima. It’s Majima. The only person Kiryu really, truly trusts. The person Kiryu was relying on to still be there, to be strong, to do the things Kiryu couldn’t. It’s Majima this time. And Kiryu loses his goddamn mind. That was the one thing you had left to take from him, his belief in Majima, and you took it. Kiryu nearly has a psychotic break at the news and decides, fine. Fine. I’ll go fix this, and then I can die. Then it’s over. Because there ain’t nothing left for him now. 

And he does. Kiryu gets his ass down there, he solves the fucking problem, and then he does his level best to die there. Because it’s what he feels he deserves. He’s let down everyone. All those losses, all those people... they’re his fault. If he was really the hero, he could have saved them. If he was really a good person, these tragedies wouldn’t keep happening. It must be his fault. Fuck, even Majima died, even Majima... and he wasn’t even there, he couldn’t even have helped him, he just... He abandoned him. And Kiryu feels intensely that guilt and grief for his mistakes and his missed opportunities. And all he can think to do with that feeling... is die. It’s what Nishiki did before him. It’s what Kazama did before that. That’s what you do when you’ve fucked up and you don’t know how to fix it. You die. Then no one has to deal with you anymore.

But Haruka. His daughter. The best thing he ever did. She’s up there on stage and she loves him. She still loves him and wants him to be her dad. She’s been with him the whole time, she knows all about it. And she’s not scared. And she doesn’t think he’s bad. Maybe... maybe he can stay alive then. Maybe it’s okay if Haruka is still his daughter. And against all belief, he finds his way back to Haruka. He stays alive for her. He won’t repeat the mistakes of the past. And maybe... he can learn to do something different this time.

Kiryu... makes mistakes all the time. But he knows. And he feels so guilty. The writing doesn’t always do a great job of showing it. We don’t process Nishiki the way we should. We kill Rikiya for no reason. We forget that game 3 should have been TRIGGERING AS SHIT. And we awkwardly no homo out of Kiryu’s most important relationship while still insisting that it is Kiryu’s most important relationship. The writing is spotty and flawed and sometimes you can barely piece together a coherent narrative out of it. 

But at its white burning core is a guy who just keeps trying. Who gets up the next day and tries again. Because he’s lost so much. Because he loves so much. Because he believes there is value in being nice to people and being a good person. And I love that.

[dogsliampaynedoesntinstagram]

Twitter has basically begun a crusade for crucifixion of a group of girls who have gone to Harry’s shows. One girl tested positive for covid the day after the Las Vegas show (allegedly negative the day before but 🤷‍♀️), and immediately did what she could to get the word out. The internet did what the internet does and found a few other girls who were pictured all massless in a group with her, and who have since gone to the Denver show. All of Twitter has engaged in this super weird, very aggressive attack on these girls - everything from tweets begging them to wear a mask and stop going to shows, threatening them if they don’t wear masks, insulting them, and (perhaps strangest of all to me) attempting to guilt them using the possibility that they’ll get Harry sick and/or get either Sarah and Mitch sick who will give it to the baby. Now I acknowledge Twitter isn’t always the most sane or rational place, but all of this has been a bit confusing to me. What are they trying to accomplish? What do they think they’re actually accomplishing? Did they really believe every single person who went to Harry’s shows would behave with integrity and wear a mask the whole time and/or skip a show if they thought they might have been exposed prior to it? That’s maybe the most concerning to me, because I worry it means a whole lot of people have very, very incorrect ideas about their true level of risk attending these shows. I have pit tickets to one, but I am under no delusions that every single person in the pit with me will be behaving as an angel. That someone, or more likely multiple someones in the pit would be covid positive and would at some point go maskless regardless of the rules was one of the factors I took into consideration when I decided to go to my show. The morality policing really bothers me, too, because it always seems to turn so quickly from “you might get Harry or Mitch and Sarah or the baby sick” to “every single one of you is a horrible person for going to shows in the first place you careless monsters,” and then devolving into these arbitrary rules like no one should ever go to more than one show, or if you have to travel at all outside your hometown for a show don’t go to it. There has also been lots of proposing other risk reduction measures that don’t make sense to me practically, like testing every single ticket holder - great in theory. Practically a nightmare. As I’m getting to the end of this ask I’m realizing it doesn’t really have a point - just that when I saw all this unfold I thought about you, and the way you’ve laid out a framework to analyze the real risk of going to a show like this, which have really helped me think about my own show, and which I wish more people could have seen. Hope you’re well!

Thanks for this anon (I'm finally heading back to some anons from earlier in the tour that I'm really interested in). It's lovely that you say that the way I lay out the risk has helped you.

After I started reading this I read an article about wellness and vaccine denial and the tag line was: 'The randomness of illness is far too frightening for many to contemplate – so they rely on a fiction they’re special and can control their bodies' And that's something we see everywhere - including people loudly insisting that if everyone wore masks we'd know that Mitch and Sarah's baby wouldn't get sick.

The discussion seems to me to be deep in denial about what is known about COVID. In particular, that screaming for an hour, inside, surrounded by other people who are also screaming, is pretty high up there on the most COVID-unsafe activities. Masks reduce the risk (although given how intensely aeorsol friendly screaming is - nobody can be sure how much). But an intervention can reduce the risk and there can still be lots of risk. It's so important that people don't do scream for a long time around other people, unless they accept the full range of risks of what they're doing, including the risk that they might infect other people, even if they're vaccinated, even if they're wearing a mask the entire time.

I haven't been able to stop thinking about what people are doing when they say 'think about Mitch and Sarah's baby'. There's the straight racism of worrying about a white baby (COVID isn't even likely to be the most risky virus for a baby in the arena) when there's a black man with breathing problems on stage. But there's a clear purpose to all of that - which is the moralistic worldview. The baby isn't just vulnerable, but innocence, and by invoking innocence the outraged tweeters are suggesting someone's guilty.

************

In general, 'people just need to be better' is a terrible public health and political response. And what I need to remind myself is that's true of people dealing with their COVID anxiety by seeking certainty when there is none, as well as suggesting perfect masking could stop spread in high risk environments.

While I'm very tempted when faced with this sort of material to rage against what a ridiculous view of risk it is (and I usually give into temptation), it's far more useful to acknowledge that wanting certainty is a really normal response. The last year and a half has been incredibly stressful for so many people. And many people have been left in situations where there's insufficient support, completely untrustworthy communication and absolutely terrified.

The people who are anxious on twitter probably come by at least some of their anxiety honestly. (Although how much of the anxiety is about Harry as opposed to COVID is an open question). And so I do think it's worth saying: 'the situation is really scary, but yelling and trying to control other people won't make you safer, or make the situation less controlling and scary'. But that sort of response if you can suggest something less damaging that people can do and I don't know enough about the US to know what would help (I'm guessing anything that takes vaccines and good information to where people are - and it's worth praising Harry's team for what they're doing along those lines).

So I do have one final answer to a question you didn't ask anon. You say 'twitter' and 'all of twitter' in your ask. I think it's useful to conciously reject that framing. What you saw was being done by some accounts. There were lots of people who thought differently, or didn't care, but you didn't see them because they didn't post. People who say things can end up taking up a disproportionate space in our awareness, because we can't see silence.

I'm sure they've moved on to some absurd other policing now (a few days ago it owuld have been signs, I'm not sure what people are engaging with now). Which shows that a lot of it wasn't about COVID and also that it's worth actively not trying to allow it to grow bigger in importance than it actually is.

[alexsfictionaddiction]

Review: Dark And Shallow Lies by Ginny Myers Sain

As spooky season is now on the horizon (so excited!), I am now craving dark, strange stories. It has been a while since I read a magical YA thriller but that’s exactly what I was expecting from this book.

In the town of La Cachette in Louisiana, it seems that everyone has some kind of psychic ability. This is where Grey is from but now, she only spends her summers there with the rest of the summer kids. But her best friend Elora disappeared six months ago and she can’t believe that no one in this town of psychics knows what happened to her. When a mysterious stranger appears, Grey becomes convinced that La Cachette and its inhabitants are hiding something incredibly dark at the heart of its past.

One of my favourite things about the book was the vivid setting of La Cachette. I have been lucky enough to visit a few southern American states and this strange, mystical little town mirrors the places I saw perfectly. Nothing ever changes in La Cachette. Despite the magic and occult dealings that go on there, it’s still a sleepy, close-knit community that has been the same for decades. There is a comfort about that predictability but there is also a very real sense that there are a lot of terrible secrets hidden underneath this strange little town.

Later on in the book, we learn that La Cachette ignores the true horrors that everyone knows happens in the town. For a small community, there is very little sense of friendship, particularly between the adults. Everybody seems to be out for themselves and I’m not sure I’ve read a story about a small town where this is so obviously the case. It made for an interesting dynamic but I’m not terribly sure it really rings true.

Grey has started to see Elora’s final moments and this prompts her to think that her friend is still alive and that she is trying to tell her where she is. Despite the fact that Elora is always in a terrible situation when Grey sees her, Grey still has faith (or perhaps doesn’t want to face the truth) that she is out there somewhere. I did wonder whether it would turn out that Elora was being held hostage by someone but as the narrative continued, that began to seem less likely.

Hart is a long-term friend of Grey and he is also Elora’s stepbrother. He is portrayed as a typical handsome, rebellious teenage boy and naturally, Grey is in love with him. While he does seem to be a brave, thoughtful young man who cares deeply and wants to help his friends, I couldn’t shake the feeling that there was something untrustworthy about him. I just couldn’t warm to him and therefore I couldn’t possibly want Grey to be with him, which the narrative kept flirting with.

Another thing that I really enjoyed was the use of local folklore. I love little-known but very dark stories and seeing how they fit into a place’s history. In this book, the story of Dempsey Fontenot is deeply entwined with what’s going on in the present and I desperately wanted more details of what happened to him, so I could figure out what had happened to Elora. He is painted as a scary villain and I was intrigued to see whether he would bring a supernatural element to the book.

I wasn’t the biggest fan of Grey and she sometimes said and did things that I didn’t really understand. She sees Hart in a fit of anger and by this point, she knows that he can be violent and aggressive when he’s like this. Yet she reassures a frightened little girl that Hart won’t hurt another girl. Maybe she was lying to comfort Wrynn but it didn’t really feel like that. It felt like Grey was being really stupid and blindly believing that Hart was actually a good guy.

Dark and Shallow Lies is a mystical thriller that is shrouded in a thick layer of smoky darkness. The characters are very cookie-cutter and the story isn’t terribly unique but the setting and spooky folklore keep it entertaining enough to carry you through. It’s very slow paced for a thriller but I think that might be due to the dullness of the characters. Perhaps if Grey and Hart had been more complex, intriguing people, I would have turned the pages faster.