#sometimes I just get protective of my song choices and the way people interpret songs and the characters they should be associated with

[connorsnothereeither]

Incorrect actually, that song is my blorbo’s song. He owns it, you see, and he will see you in court for assigning it to the wrong character

[mayimkjs]

Analyzing MeMe's Lyrics (Twokoto Ver)

I will be using this translation for this.

Some people try to separate the lyrics out into who is singing according to the video. I believe that who is singing isn’t always the same as who’s currently in the video. 

I feel this song is suppose to be confusing and thus, is harder to dissect then Double.  

俺 isn't used in this song. That means that John is never singing about himself directly. 

The screams are likely the first 4 syllables of the official English translation of that line.

Taken from the FOOL's MATE research doc.

Color Key

Mikoto　John

--------------------------------------------

1. (???) 2. If I could have laughed 3. (???) 4. If I could have gone back 5. (???) 6. Then I would act dead even though I’m living, aren’t I?

This whole stanza could be either Mikoto or John.

Mikoto: To me, this all sorta sounds like Mikoto has suicidal tendencies. This is further reinforced by John hinting that he does. He could also be talking about subconsciously regretting getting his job.

John: These lines line up more with his vocal style but are harder to discern. John is obviously agitated in this scene. He could be looking back to a time where he didn’t need to be so active or a time when things were easier/happier to cope with. It could also be that he doesn't want to kill, but deems it necessary to protect them. 

7. (???) 8. If I could be gone 9. (???) 10. If I could make it stop 11. (???) 12. I wonder how long this dream of mine would stay alive?

Referring to his job and all of the stress. This whole stanza could be either Mikoto or John.

8. Could also be a carried thought from the last slide. 

13. You don’t have to go and keep it all inside 14. Because “I” will decide to save “me” anyway 15. Snuggle up and say your mutual “good night”’s 16. Flip that switch back on, rattle up that brain

13-14. These lines sound like John. Mostly because he refers to Mikoto as “I” or “me” sometimes. When he does this, he uses 僕 instead of 俺.

14. The start of this line is written “ボクが僕”. This is likely a stylistic choice to break up the visual monatamy caused by using “僕が僕”. I can’t think of another reason it would be this way.

16. Could be referring to how John kills people or an actual switch.

17. Why, then, is it me standing before you now?  18. Surely you’re mistaken 19. Just take a look and see if you can find me out,  20. Find the me that’s been hiding away 21. The truth will be sure to come to light 22. I won’t forgive you if this is a lie when I know I’m right

17-19, 22. Mikoto being Mikoto, trying to get Es to believe that he’s done nothing wrong.

20. Hinting at his alters. This could also be Mikoto looking into himself because he knows something isn't right. 

21. Mikoto is out of the loop on John’s actions. He wants to find the truth. This could also be interpreted as Mikoto being Mikoto.

22. His use of “赦さない” is directly referencing the voting system in T1. Shidou is the only other character to do this. 

23. (???) 24. If only it’d break,  25. (???) 26. If only I could change 27. (???) 28. Would I find my way?  29. I wonder when I started to give it up

This whole stanza could be either Mikoto or John.

Mikoto: Mikoto feels stuck in life and wants to change. 

John: He’s starting to question if what they’re doing is right.

30. (???) 31. If I could break loose,  32. (???) 33. If only I could choose 34. (???) 35. Is it selfish to do what I’ve done if it isn’t too much?

This whole stanza could be either Mikoto or John. 

Mikoto: Mikoto feels stuck in life and wants to change. 

John: (30-34) What he’s doing is starting to trouble him. (35) He’s wondering if what he’s doing is selfish since he’s killing people to put less stress on Mikoto. 

36. Adding to me was this “minus” energy 37. As I choked, I was closely wound in its embrace 38. Maybe it’s okay to try to keep living 39. Split that heart in half and make it race

36. “マイナスのイメージ” translates better into “Minus Image”. This could be talking how John is the opposite to Mikoto. 

36-37. John has accepted the "negative energy" of violence.

38. Mikoto acting like everything is ok. Could also be John.

39. John is insistent about keeping himself separated from Mikoto to protect them. 

Alternatively, when these lines are put together, they could be interpreted as “maybe it’s okay to keep living [like this], as long as we stay apart to make our heart beat”.

40. Why, then, is it me standing before you now?  41. Surely you’re mistaken 42. Just take a look and see if you can find me out,  43. Find the me that’s been hiding away 44. The truth will be sure to come to light 45. I won’t forgive you if this is a lie when I know I’m right

Repeat of Chorus 1.

46. With all the clearly ridiculous accusations 47. I will make them feel pain, they will suffocate 48. But isn’t it all in vain? 49. Ah, it’s the same everywhere I go 50. It’s like what is wrong isn’t wrong in people’s eyes 51. There’s no guessing between us when I’m the hoax

46-48. All of the accusations are causing Mikoto stress and John is taking action. 

47. Could be Mikoto singing as he has a similar line in Double. 

49-50. I believe this applies to both Mikoto and John. Mikoto’s self doubt and self consciousness is coming into play. He doesn't want to stand out. John is tired of every day going the same way with Mikoto working himself to death. He's frustrated that everyone, including Mikoto, is ignoring all of the problems.

51. Speaking to Es. ニセモノ was used instead of the kanji for hoax/fake (偽物). This is likely a stylistic choice. Unclear who is speaking, likely John.

52. I am probably not to blame anyhow,  53. It is probably nothing and 54. This must be a dream,  55. A nightmare that I’ve found,  56. One I need to be waking from

Mikoto is brushing everything off and saying it’s nothing. Overall, all of these lines sound unsure. 

57. Why, then, is it me standing before you now?  58. Surely you’re mistaken 59. Just take a look and see if you can find me out,  60. Find the me that’s been hiding but

Repeat of Chorus 1. 

61. Why, then? Hey. Why then?  62. Am I nowhere at all to be found then? 63. That is why 64. I won’t forgive you if this is a lie when I know I’m right

Mikoto feels lost and confused. 

65. Why, then? Hey. Why then?  66. Can’t you please let me go and just let me live my life? 67. Say you’re mistaken and it’s a fake and just 68. Say that I am right about all of this 69. I will forgive you if you can say how it really is

Mikoto is pleading with Es to let him go as he’s done nothing wrong. 

[sparrowofthedawnsworld]

Don’t Stop - Josh Kiszka

A/N: Aaahhh!! It’s the first fic of the 5SOS series! Please excuse any errors. I do my best to catch them all, but sometimes I miss a few. All of these are my own interpretation of the song, so it may not follow the storyline of the song perfectly- However, it will always be very close. This one was so much fun to write! Hope y’all enjoy!

Also, side note- I promise I won’t only be doing smut, this is just my kick right now. I have some sappy, fluffy stories coming y’alls way very soon!

Warnings: 18+!! MINORS DNI, pleaseee! Alcohol, Oral (fem receiving), fingering, dom!Josh, some slight degrading AND praise if you read carefully, protected sex.

••••

It was your 21st birthday and your friend insisted on taking you out to a nice bar in the near by city.

You weren’t much of a drinker, but you couldn’t deny you were excited to let go and have fun for night.

After getting off of work, you went home to change. You picked out a dark red dress and a pair of black heels. You went with light makeup, not wanting it to be a sweaty mess by the end of the night. You were fixing up your hair a bit, when your best friend texted;

Y/F/N: Should I pick you up, or just meet you at the bar?

You pondered her question for a moment, deciding you probably shouldn’t drive. You had no intentions of getting completely wasted, but you definitely wanted to have a good time.

You: Pick me up, please :) I don’t think I’m going to feel like driving by the end of the night.

You sent the text, sitting your phone back down and going back to your hair. Once you were done, you went to grab your shoes.

You placed them on, walking over to your dresser and topping off your look by spraying on your favorite perfume.

After getting another text that your best friend had arrived, You walked downstairs and made your way to the front door.

You locked the door, making your way down to her car as she rolled down her window. “Wow, SEXY!” She yelled out, whistling at you jokingly. You shook your head, striking a goofy pose and you could hear her laughing as you opened the door.

“You look stunning, Y/N! Happy birthday!” She complimented as you got in, pulling you in for a hug.

“Thank you! I’m actually excited to go out.” You admitted to her honestly. “Hey you never know, maybe you’ll meet the man of your dreams tonight, too.” She said, excitement laced all throughout her tone. “Mmm, I doubt it… but maybe. I’m not against it.” And you truly weren’t against the idea, but really you would prefer not to meet the man of your dreams in your city’s bar.

<>

The ride to the bar wasn’t long. You and Y/F/N, could lose all track of time and talk for hours.

Once you were parked, you both got out and made your way to the door. You both handed the bouncer your ID’s, he mumbled a ‘happy birthday’ to you, opening the door.

You walked in, seeing it was quite busy. The dance floor was full of people and all the tables were almost full, except for a couple seats at the corner of the hightop bar.

“Let’s take those!” You pointed, trying to get your voice over the music. Y/F/N only nodded, letting you pull her through the crowded dance floor and to the seats you had pointed to.

“What are you getting?” You asked her, sitting down.

She hummed to herself, looking over all the alcohol on the shelf.

“I think I’m going to get Malibu with pineapple juice.” She said still looking over everything one last time. “What do you want?” She asked. “Everything is on me, birthday girl.” She smiled at you.

You gave her a smile back, looking over all the choices on the shelf. You eyed the fireball, but noticed in a small fridge a bottles of Bold Rock- hard apple cider. Deciding to be just a little bold (compared to your usual White Claw), you made your decision. “I think i’m gonna get a Bold Rock and ask for a shot of Fireball and mix them.” You told her, mouth watering at the thought of your favorite drink combo.

You explained your order to the bartender, she shot you a wide smile, grabbing the Fireball and pouring your shot. “Great choice. That’s my favorite combo, too.” She complimented and You thanked her. Once Y/F/N had her White Claw and you had all of your ingredients, you poured the cider into the extra glass, followed by the shot of fireball.

“What’s the appeal of that…?” She questioned you curiously. A look of almost disgust on her face. “It tastes like Apple pie. Wanna try it?” You slid the glass to her and she took it, still looking skeptical. She took a small sip, her face lit up in delight. “Oh.. That is good. I could get shitfaced off of those.” She laughed handing your glass back. “Yeah, exactly… I’m gonna try not to, but we’ll see what happens. Come on, Let’s dance!” You exclaimed, grabbing her arm and pulling her towards the dance floor.

Drinks in hand you both made it to the dance floor. It was still crowded just like before, tons of couples dancing and grinding away. You looked over the room as you started to dance, eyes landing on a group of the most beautiful men you’d ever seen.

Your jaw almost reached the floor and your friend nudged you, “Who the hell are you looking at like that??” She questioned you.

“Them..” you trailed off, pointing to the booth taken up by four boys. “They’re beautiful.” You mumbled to yourself.

“I have an idea,” she started, “Quick, down some more of that drink and be sexy.” She told you, throwing back her white claw, downing most of it in one go.

You took a hefty drink from your glass, swaying your hips with Y/F/N as sexily as you could. Eventually, you had gotten so engulfed in the music and dancing, you didn’t even see the curly headed boy get up, to make his way over to you.

“Whatcha drinkin’ there, mama?” He startled you, pulling you out of your little daze in the music. He chuckled, apologizing.

“Sorry, didn’t mean to scare you like that. I’m Josh,” he extended his hand out for you and you took it. You expected him to shake it, but he spun you around gently, pulling you into him.

“I’m Y/N!” You told him, leaning into him so that he could hear you over the music. “-And it’s fireball and bold rock.” You giggled; glancing at the glass. He smiled fondly at you, pulling you a little closer.

“Well, tell me, what’s got a pretty woman like you out here tonight?” He asked curiously. You both continued swaying to the slower song that was playing.

“It’s my birthday, actually,” you explained. “My best friend wanted to treat me tonight.”

“Happy birthday!“ He cheered. “-And is that your friend?” he pointed. “Over there talking to my brother?” You followed his finger, landing on your best friend, swaying along with his brother on the other end of the dance floor. You caught her eye and she blushed deeply, causing Jake to turn around, probably wondering who she was looking at. He waved at the two of you and focused his attention back to Y/F/N.

“That’s Danny and Sam over there at the table.” He motioned towards the booth where you first noticed them all. “They got tired of listening to us ranting about how pretty you both are… so. now here we are.” He grinned at you, his cheeks taking on the slightest shade of pink. But His compliment made your cheeks heat up, too. “I’m glad you decided to come join me. I was eyeing you, too.” You admitted, both of you sharing a blushing smile.

The song changed and you immediately recognized it. You took his hand, bringing him deeper into the crowd. “You must really enjoy dancing, huh?” He asked, a smirk spreading across his perfect lips. You started to sway your hips more, letting the song take you over. Josh’s hands gripped your hips instantly.

“Having am extremely handsome partner certainly helps.” You compliment him this time. His smirk widened, but a blush making itself slightly visible on his cheeks once again.

You downed the rest of your drink quickly, letting Josh take the empty glass from your hand. He moved you both a few steps, sneaking the glass onto a tray as a waitress slipped by.

You giggled at him, returning to your grinding once his hands returned to your hips again.

“You could get anyone in this bar, looking like that, mama.” He said into your ear. You blushed a deep red. “But you already know that, don’t you?” He questioned, looking into your eyes. They had grown darker than when you two had started dancing.

“I suppose…” You answered, rather shyly. You kicked yourself, trying to regather your confidence. “But I was only interested in you.” You lowered your tone just enough, making the confession come out more sexy than shy.

He started to spin you around again, stopping you halfway through and pulling your back against him.

You took this as an opportunity to test the waters, grinding back on him. His grip tightened and you did it once more, gazing at him over your shoulder with a teasing smile.

“Don’t stop doing that, mama.” He all but begged in your ear. “You’re so pretty, dancing with me like this.” He praised.

You repeated the actions a few more times.

Within seconds, you were being ripped out of your fantasyland by your best friend.

“I know it’s your birthday, but how about let’s all get out of here??”

Y/F/N yelled over the music.

“I think that’s a great idea!” You agreed. You raised an eyebrow teasingly, at her hand interlocked with Jake’s.

“Okay! We have each other’s locations- Have fun.” She rambled out, tossing you her own keys and winking at you as she ran out of the bar with Jake. You turned back to Josh, who had a shocked look on his face- matching yours perfectly.

“What the- well…I guess they’re about to have a good time.” He smirked with a small laugh. “Looks like it’s just you and me now? We can go to yours, if that would make you more comfortable..” He gave you a sincere smile.

You smiled to yourself, pretending to be skeptical about it. Even though he was basically a stranger, you felt safe with him and his honestly and genuine care for you comfort, left you barely questioning your decision.

You pulled him in closer, as he eyed you intently.

“I think i’d like that.” You held up the keys in your hand for him to see. “Let’s get out of here then?”

“Let’s go. But first let me say by to my other two brothers. Can’t have them getting all worried.” He laughed, taking your hand and leading you towards the booth where Sam and Danny were sitting.

“brothers, it’s been fun bu-“ Sam cut Josh off quickly, “Yeah, yeah. Go have a good time.” Sam smiled. “But not too much.” He pointed, faking a stern look and tone.

“Shut up,” Josh laughed.

“Glad you finally stopped being a baby, Josh.” Danny teased, presumably referring to him being scared to come up to you. At this point you had broken down in a fit of giggles.

“The oh-so confident Josh Kiszka getting nervous?!” Sam placed a hand over his chest dramatically. “Who would have thought!” He teased along.

“Okay, that’s quite enough. Bye!” Josh strained a laugh, waving them off as he pulled you away.

“You’ll have to excuse them from now on.” He shook his head laughing. You heart swelling in your chest. Did he mean that you weren’t just a hook up?

‘God, I sure hope so,’ you thought to yourself.

“So where are you parked, doll?” He asked, glancing around the parking lot aimlessly.

“Right there,” you guided him. “This is actually my Y/F/N’s car…” you giggled, getting into the drivers seat.

“She’s in good hands with Jake, just so you know.” Josh started, “Ya know just in case you’re worried.” He gestured. In the little time you knew him, you came to realize he talked a lot with his hands… But you loved it. It made you wonder what else he did with them.

‘Fuck stop, you’ve barely even made it out of the parking lot’ you scolded yourself.

<>

The car ride to your apartment filled with sexual tension quickly. You were more than relieved when you finally laid eyes on the pretty brick building.

“You’ve gotten awfully quiet over there?” Josh glanced at you for a moment. The sun had started setting, but he could still see the pink tint that spread over your cheeks.

He laid his hand over your thigh, his fingertips grazing over the skin teasingly.

“Have I worked you up, mama?” He inched his hand up a little higher, laughing quietly when he felt you tense.

“Josh… Come on, we’re almost there..” Your breathing was becoming uneven and heavy, he knew exactly what he was doing.

You sighed heavily in relief when you finally reached your apartment, both of scrambling to get out of the car.

Josh followed behind you closely, letting you lead him up to your door.

You fumbled with the keys and Josh took them from you, “Here… how about you let me-“ Josh said, unlocking the door and shoving it open.

You pulled him in with you, slamming the door behind you.

Josh came up behind you, picking you up in his arms.

“Josh! What are you doing??“ You squealed, gripping his shirt tightly.

“What i’ve wanted to do all night,” He replied lowly. “Where’s your room?” He asked you, walking towards the short set of stairs- assuming that was where he needed to go first.

“Just follow the little hall to the left after the stairs, my room is at the end of it.” You explained to him, pointing as he walked up the last 2 steps.

He kicked the door open to your room, placing you back on your feet, so he could shut and lock the door.

You slipped over to your bed, giving him a small smile once he turned around to face you again. You beckoned him over with a single finger and he wasted no time walking to you.

You gripped at his shirt, leaning back for him to climb over you.

“Ah, ah-“ Josh stopped you, taking your hand from his shirt.

“Get up and strip.” He stepped back, watching you carefully.

“Josh, I- What?” You jaw dropped slightly at his words.

“Take your clothes off. Think you can do that for me, hm?” The same sinister smirk he had in the car, returned to his lips. His eyes had darkened significantly and his tone was an octave lower than just a few moments ago.

“I can do that..” Your reply came out barely loud enough for him to hear.

“I think you can be louder when you answer me, too.” He pushed, eyes racking over your body as you stood to your feet.

“I can do that.” You repeated for him, louder this time.

“See? I knew you could be a good girl.”

You slid the straps of your black dress off your shoulders, sliding the fabric down your body slowly. You knew teasing Josh wasn’t the best idea, but you wanted to see how far he would let you get.

Once the dress made it down your legs, you stepped out of it, revealing matching dark purple lace bra and panties.

He let out a shaky breath, you could see him straining against his black pants even more than before.

You let him take you in for a moment, before reaching back and undoing the hooks of the bra. It dropped from your arms slowly, revealing your chest to Josh completely.

“Shit, you’re beautiful…” He breathed out. “Lay down.” Josh took large steps back towards the bed, pushing you back roughly.

He wasted no time climbing over you, sealing your lips in a rough, sloppy, needy kiss.

Your hands laced into his curls, tugging lightly, making him groan against your mouth.

He pulled away, going straight to your neck and attacking the middle of your throat.

“Oh, god, Josh…” You whimpered out, the sound of his name falling from your lips only aiding in making him throb against you.

“So worked up already. What am I gonna do with you, huh?” He teased, propping himself up above you.

“Anything. Please, do anything with me.” You pleaded with him.

“Such a whiny, needy girl.” He moved down to ghost over one of your nipples. He was being almost unbearable.

“Don’t tease me.” You demanded, trying to make yourself as dominant as possible.

“I know you’re not talking to me?” He growled lowly, leaning in closer.

“Maybe I am.” You mustered all the confidence you could.

“Do you know what happens to little brats who don’t behave?” He questions, tone dark and lust filled, but dominant. “Look at me when I ask you questions, mama.” He grabbed your jaw, forcing you to look at him.

“No…” You answered weakly.

You whole body was on fire and you were certain there was a wet patch forming on your panties by now.

“Brats don’t get to come.” He warned you, placing a feather light kiss to the shell of your ear.

“I promise i’ll be a good girl for you, please just do something.” You tugged at Josh’s curls, bucking your hips up to meet his.

His jaw tightened and he sucked in a sharp breath. He placed a hand on one hip and pushed it down roughly.

“Touch yourself. Let me see how needy you are, darling.” Josh smirked evilly at you, guiding your hand down to your soaking core.

You did as he wanted, slipping your fingers past the lacey hem and straight to your entrance. The sound of your wetness made Josh groan above you.

“I can already tell you’re so wet for me. I’m not even touching you and you’re already dripping.” He shook his head, but could hardly keep his eyes off you for too long.

You worked over your clit skillfully, rolling your hips into your fingers for anything extra.

“Josh, please- I’m gonna cum soon.” You warned him, wanting him to take over with his own fingers.

“I want you to make me cum.” You could see he wanted to cave at your plea, but he wasn’t giving in so easy.

“You want me to make you cum with my own fingers?” He asked you, reaching down to halt your movements. “Greedy brat, begging me to make you come all over my hand..”

His degrading only egged you on, you could faintly feel the orgasm building deep within you.

Josh pulled the underwear down your legs, tossing them to the floor somewhere. He connected his fingers with your clit right away, ripping a high-pitched moan from you.

“So noisy..“ Josh teased, adjusting to lay between your legs.

He took his fingers away, slipping them inside you and wrapping his lips around your clit.

“Shit- just like that,” the feeling of his fingers and mouth working you were unlike anything you’d ever felt before.

Within minutes, Josh had you nearing the edge, one right move and he was going to send you spiraling into an intense orgasm.

Josh pulled his mouth away, replacing it with his thumb immediately. He curled his fingers inside you, hitting your G-spot perfectly.

“Oh, fuck Josh-“ You could barely stay still. “Please do that again.” You begged.

“What? Does that feel good?” He repeated the action as he spoke, a strained, loud moan left your lips.

“Think you can come for me, brat?” His words were sharp and commanding, his fingers never faltering.

“I can feel you’re close.” He added, kissing his way up your belly, capturing one of your nipples in his mouth.

“Don’t stop, i’m so clo-“ You couldn’t even get all the words out, your high breaking suddenly and knocking the air from your lungs.

You arched your body into Josh’s, your eyes squeezed shut and your mouth hanging open.

“That’s it. Let it all go, darling.” He encouraged through your orgasm.

You came down, shaking in Josh’s arms.

“Please, fuck me now, Josh.” You spoke breathlessly, chest heaving with each leftover wave of pleasure shooting through you.

Josh didn’t say anything, simply pushing himself off you and to his feet. He stripped out of his clothes quickly, climbing back over you.

He flipped you over on your stomach, pulling your ass up to meet his hips.

“Tell me how hard you want it.” He insisted, running his hard-on between your folds teasingly.

You whined, pushing your ass against him for more friction instead of answering. “So eager. I’m not fucking you until you answer me, mama.” He was holding you still against him, leaving you no room to move.

“I want you to fuck me so hard, please. I want you to break me.” You begged him.

“Such a naughty girl.. Asking a stranger to fuck you like that.” He slipped into you inch by inch, struggling with each word as he spoke. An animalistic noise slipped through your lips when Josh bottomed out inside you.

“You’re so- tight,” Josh muttered, trying to keep himself from exploding inside you right then.

Josh finally started moving slowly in you, the sounds of your wetness filling the room.

“You’re so big, Josh i-“ Barely getting words out through your moans, you moved your hips in sync with his.

“What? Can the brat not take it?” He brought his hand down against your ass with a loud smack, forcing a cry of pain and pleasure out of you.

You moaned at the sting of it, only encouraging him to keep going.

“Such a bad girl-“ smack. “Am I fucking you so well you can’t answer me?” He let his hand down against your ass once more, the sting becoming too much, but it felt so good.

“Fuck, Josh. Harder, please,” You begging mixed with cries of pleasure.

Josh pulled out, flipping you over so that you he was back on top on you.

He slipped back in you with ease, propping one of your legs up on his shoulder. He set the same steady pace from before, catching your g-spot with each thrust into you.

Your eyes fell shut, so much pleasure surging through your body, so focused on chasing the growing knot in your stomach, that you couldn’t keep them open any longer.

But Josh wasn’t having it.

“Look at me. I want to see those pretty, fucked-out eyes.” He demanded, holding your jaw in his hand tightly. His free hand going down to rub fast circles over your swollen clit.

“Josh i- I’m so close-“ You warned him, purposefully clenching around him, to bring him closer to his own high. “So am I- fuck, I love that, do that again.” His tone had gone from demanding to pleading.

You did as he wanted, clenching around him again, sending him into his own high.

“Fuck..” He groaned, holding himself up above you. His finger slowed down on your clit, removing it completely. You were slightly disappointed as your second orgasm disappeared. As if reading your mind, Josh spoke up. “I’m gonna make you cum one more time, don’t worry.” Josh assured, peeling away the condom and throwing it in the trash can beside your nightstand.

Josh sat beside you on the bed, reaching over and pulling you on top of him.

“I want you to sit on my face. Think you can do that for me?” You nodded, shakily moving over his face. He pulled you down against his mouth forcefully, his tongue connecting with your clit instantly.

“Oh, god… Your mouth feels so good, Josh,” You praised, receiving a hum of acknowledgment from beneath you.

You were thankful it didn’t take Josh long to bring the ball of intense pleasure,

back to the pit of your stomach.

“I’m so- so close, fuck.” You whimpered out, moans and curses filling up the room as he brought you to the edge.

This orgasm was more intense than the first, making you go limp in Josh’s grip. He eventually let you collapse, pulling you into his chest.

“Not bad for a stranger, right?” Josh joked, kissing the top of your head once he noticed you had settled down.

“Nope! Not bad at all for a stranger.” You hit his chest lightly, smiling up at him.

“I wasn’t too much for you?” His tone became serious and he looked down to meet your eyes.

“Not at all. It was perfect, Josh.” You reassured him. “In fact, I think I’d like it if you didn’t stay a stranger.” You told him honestly, hoping that this wouldn’t be a one time thing.

He let out a genuine laugh, pulling you tighter to his chest. “Wouldn’t dream of staying a stranger, mama.”

[marvelouslytrekking]

Ya’aburnee

Pairing: Natasha/reader Summary: You have the gift of prophecy, you don’t truly see it as a gift though, especially when you get one that tells you of your own demise.  Word Count: 3738 Warnings: Angst, major character death, endgame (which does deserve a warning lol) A/N: So I am obsessed with Halsey if you didn’t know and their new album is just amazing and I am in love. Anyway when listening to the last song on the album Ya’aburnee, the line “You will bury me before I bury you” stood out to me and I immediately thought of a scenario where that would be literal. So I had to write it. Also to write this I had to rewatch Infinity War and Endgame so I tortured myself for the art..... Anyway enjoy! And remember Feedback Fuels my soul

Being able to see the future was always more of a curse than a gift. You can’t think of any time that it has ever been anything but painful. But the worst part was the way your powers gave you the future. It couldn’t be as simple as dreams that depicted the future, it didn’t come to you like a movie or anything so convenient.

You never knew how to describe your ‘gift’ to others, you would just have moments where you just felt like you knew something, and then it would turn out true. Sometimes it was as simple as knowing someone would get you food, other times it was knowing that someone was going to die.

You should have known that at some point you would learn of your own demise, you had seen so many people die and been unable to stop it, you don’t know why realizing you would die took you so off guard.

“Are you okay?” Natasha was always the most perspective to when you had a prediction.

“Fine.” You tried to lie. You knew lying to a superspy wasn’t really going to go well but it was enough for her to leave it for a conversation that you would have not in front of others. The longer you had had your powers, the more you had learned to interpret what they actually meant, it didn’t really ever mean changing the future, that wasn’t something you had mastered yet, but sometimes it did mean having more time to prepare for major events. This one, this one didn’t make any sense. ‘Natasha will bury me before I bury her’ logically if you died first, you wouldn’t be able to bury anyone after that. It had to just mean that you were dying first, right?

“Are you going to tell me now?” Nat asked almost as soon as you were alone. You sighed, how do you tell the woman you loved that you were going to die before her, probably soon but you really didn’t know that for sure.

“I- um I think I finally got the prophecy I have dreaded the most.” You told her without meeting her eyes.

“What do you mean?” She asked, note getting what you meant by that.

“Nat, I am so sorry, I think I am going to die soon.” You finally just let it out.

“No.” Natasha shook her head. “I won’t let that happen.”

“I don’t think you get a choice.” You said sadly. You wished you could protect her from this but you didn’t know how.

“What was it exactly?” She asked, you knew she was going to try to figure it out and avoid it, even though it had not worked for you yet.

“It was just one sentence. You will bury me before I bury you”

“That makes no sense,” She frowned.

“I know.” You sighed, “I think it just means I will die before you.”

“But that has no time frame. We may have years.” She tried to rationalize.

“We might. But so far all my predictions have been within a few months at most.” You reminded her.

“Let me know if you get any others that tie to it.” She pleaded, “We will figure this one out.”

“I will but, Nat, I think we need to be prepared for it not to work.” You tried to convince her. You didn’t want this to consume her, you wanted to know that she would be ready to say goodbye when the time comes while being able to enjoy the time you had left.

It wasn’t often that a prediction brought you to your knees, they could be painful or scary but most of the time, you were able to just push the emotion away. Realizing that half of the universe was about to be wiped from existence in an instant had your knees collapsing. Natasha was at your side before you hit the ground.

“What is it?” Panic was written on her face as she scanned your own trying to figure out what had happened.

“Something big is coming.” You told her, “The entire universe. Half of it will be dust.”

You could tell she had no idea what to even say, what does one say to that. Especially when the better part of their life had been spent trying to keep the terrors of the universe at bay. She had been part of the team meant to protect the earth, and you had just told her half of everything, including beyond earth, was going to be wiped out.

“We will figure out how to stop it.” Natasha shook her head, trying to convince herself.

Natasha’s phone rang just then, “Hello,” She answered immediately. The only one with the number was Steve, which meant whatever was coming was probably already here. “We are on our way.”

“What’s happening?” You asked, even though it seemed unimportant since you knew the outcome.

“Vision is in trouble.” She told you, quickly gather your things. You joined her, packing as much as you could into your dufflebag. The quinjet was waiting for you when you made it to the randevu spot.

“It’s good to see you,” Steve smiled at the two of you as you boarded. You just gave a small smile back. Natasha felt it better not to say anything right away, hoping you would know more shortly.

“Have you had any predictions lately?” Steve finally asked you after Bruce had filled you all in on everything. You could tell he was hoping for you to say that you either hadn’t or that it had been that you defeated him. The latter was unlikely, in all the years you had had this ability, never were the predictions something good, always the bad, always the heartbreaking.

“If what Bruce is saying is true, that Thanos’s goal is to wipe half the universe out, then I don’t think you want me to answer that.” You told him truthfully.

“Well that’s not reassuring.” Sam muttered.

“I don’t think this is one we can win. Half the universe turns to dust.” You finally told them. You realized that this is probably how you die as well, but there was no need to add that.

The debate on how to stop him started immediately. Vision thought the best idea was to destroy the stone, something Wanda could supposedly do, but of course no one was going to agree to that. Then suddenly Bruce has an idea and you are all heading to Wakanda to try and save Vision, and stop Thanos.

“Nat, can we talk?” You asked softly in the back of the quinjet.

“What’s up?”

“I think this is it.” You told her quietly.

“Did you have another prediction?” She asked concerned.

“No, no, this one is just a feeling.” You sighed, “if half the universe does turn to dust, I don’t think I get out of it alive.”

“Well good thing we aren’t going to let Thanos win.” She told you.

“We will try. But if we don’t, I just need you to know how much I love you, I need you to promise not to blame yourself. If this ability has taught me anything it’s that destiny is something that you can not change and that if something is meant to be that is what will happen, just, remember that please.”

“I am not losing you.” Natasha shook her head. You could tell that she was trying to keep her emotions at bay but she wasn’t fooling you. You sighed realizing that this wasn’t something you were going to get through to her, but you had at least tried and were able to tell her how much you loved her one more time if something did happen.

“Stay here with Wanda and Vision.” Natasha told you.

“No, I am going with you.” You frowned, she never benched you.

“Please,” You nearly heard her voice break. It hit you, she was trying to limit the chance of you being hurt.

“Okay” You finally agreed. You caught a look from Steve, like he knew there was more that you hadn’t said but he wasn’t going to ask, not now.

“And someone get this man a shield” T’Challa called out and suddenly everything went to chaos. Shuri was focused on trying to fix Vision, while you and Wanda waited anxiously.

“Oh shit, Wanda!” You said noticing the large saw-like vehicles break through the ground.

“I’ll be back” She said, quickly leaving to help on the battlefield leaving you to watch from afar. You breathed a sigh of relief when she diabled the destructive ships, but the sigh premature celebration when suddenly you realized that someone was here trying to get to Vision.

You were easily tossed aside as you tried to stop them from getting to him. “Vision no!” You yelled as you watched him take him out of the room through the window. With vision went all your hope of changing fate.

“If this is my destiny I will go out fighting.” You decided, taking the fastest route to get to the action. As you were running towards the fight with Thanos, you felt the familiar pull of a prediction, though this one felt different, like this one was urgent, like this was trying to change everything else.

“The head! Go for the head!” You screamed as you watched Thor descend with an axe in hand. But you were too late, you watched as the axe landed right in his chest.

“You should have listened to her and went for the head.” Thanos said before he snapped his finger, and suddenly disappeared into thin air.

“Where did he go?” Steve asked, looking around frantically.

“Steve,” You heard a strained voice come from Bucky as he turned to dust, his gun dropping to the ground where he had once been.

“Natasha!” You rushed to her side, realizing you were soon to follow.

“This is it, I am so sorry.” Your hands barely made it to her before they disappeared.

“No, no, I can’t lose you. Not you,” She nearly sobbed, as she watched you turning to dust in what felt like slow motion.

“This was my destiny. I-” your last words were cut off as you dissolved into nothing more than dust.

“So let’s get them and use them to get everyone back.” Carol said, as if it was the most obvious thing.

“Just like that?” Bruce was skeptical of the plan.

“Yeah just like that.” Steve agreed.

“I think there is a chance this could work, and if there is, we owe it to everyone not in this room to try it.” Natasha said, it suddenly dawned on her, you prediction hadn’t made sense at first but suddenly it did. “Wait, I think this will work.”

“Where’s the sudden confidence coming from?” Rhodey asked, he was all for trying but wasn’t sure why she was so certain it would work.

“She predicted her own death. We hadn’t told anyone because it didn’t seem relevant, and honestly we were both confused. It was that I would bury her, before she buried me.” Natasha began to explain her thoughts. “But for that to make any sense, she would have to come back. Her predictions always came true, no matter what we tried, so I believe that this will work. We have to be able to get her back.”

“Even so, how do we know it is going to end any differently than before?” Bruce finally asked, after a moment of silence.

“Because before you didn’t have me.” Carol pointed out.

“I used the stones to destroy the stones.” Thanos explained. Natasha tried to wrap her head around what that meant but it felt impossible. She was a master at her emotions and yet the thought of never getting you back had tears forming in her eyes. She wasn't going to be able to save you and she didn’t know how she was meant to live with that.

“We have to tear this place apart, they have to be here somewhere, he’s lying.”

“My father is many things, but a liar is not one.” Nebula said solemnly.

“Thank you daughter, perhaps I treated you too harshly.” Before anything else could be said, Thor’s ax was raised and with one fast sweep, the blade took off the titan’s head.

“What did you do?” Rocket asked in disbelief.

“I went for the head.” Thor said, almost as if he was in another place entirely. He made his way out of the hut, leaving everyone else to try and comprehend what had just transpired.

5 Years Later~

“I know it sounds crazy but-” Scotty continued to ramble on.

“Scott- I get emails from a racoon, nothing sounds crazy anymore.” Natasha cut him off.

“Well who do we talk to about this?”

It was obvious that there really was only one person to talk to. Tony. He was the only one who could pull it off if it even was possible. It was a long shot, Tony had made a life for himself, he didn’t really want to be bothered, he had made peace with what had happened. But Natasha hadn’t and she refused to stop until you were back.

“I’ve got my second chance right here and I can’t roll the dice on that.” Tony told them. “If you don’t talk shop you can stay for lunch.”

“He’s scared.” Natasha sighed as they walked away. She understood, but she also couldn’t help but be disappointed.

“So what, we give up?” Scott asked, frustrated.

“No, we just need someone with a big brain,” Steve suggested.

“Bigger than his?”

“Hey, hey look at me? Are you okay” Natasha rushed to Clint’s side as he reappeared.

“It worked,” He said, lightly tapping her with a baseball glove.

Now that they knew time travel worked, they had to figure out where best to get the stones from. They only had enough Prym Particles to make one round trip each, which meant that their plan had to be perfect. No room for error.

“Wait guys, if you pick the right year, there are three stones in New York.”

“Shut the front door.” From there the plan was hatched, every detail figured out. Who would go where and how they were going to get the stones.

Thor and Rocket were going to Asgard to retrieve the Reality Stone. Rodney and Nebula were heading to Morag to get the Power Stone. Natasha and Clint were heading to Vormir to retrieve the Soul Stone, while Tony, Steve, Bruce and Scott would head to New York.

“Wow, under different circumstances this would be totally awesome” Clint said as they made it to Vomir and were looking at the planet from the spaceship. Natasha couldn’t help but think how traveling in space had always been a goal of yours.

Hiking up the side of a mountain wasn’t exactly what either of them expected when they were chosen for this stone, but nonetheless they made the climb. They also didn’t expect to find someone else on the planet, someone who knew them. Someone who told them that only one could leave with the stone, that they had to lose what they loved.

“He’s lying,” Clint tried.

“I don’t think he is.”

“Cause he knew your dad’s name?”

“I didn’t” That seemed to silence Clint for a moment.

“If we don’t get this stone millions of lives don’t come back.”

“I think we know who it has to be,” Clint finally agreed.

“Yes,” Natasha agreed.

“I have a feeling we are thinking of two different people.” Clint sighed.

“It has to be me. It’s what she predicted.” Natasha told him. It made sense now. To bring back the one she loved she would never even get to be back with her. Her life for yours and billions of others didn’t even seem like a hard choice to make.

Clint didn’t think the same way. He felt that he should be the one. The last 5 years had been rough on him, and he felt this was his way of making up for what he had done.

It wasn’t surprising that they couldn’t agree on it, the fight to see who would sacrifice themselves was desperate. One where they were each trying to save their best friend while still knowing the result was their own demise.

Clint thought he had won, he had jumped off the edge, but Natasha was faster. Soon he was caught, hanging from the ledge, gripping onto Natasha. He was desperate to try and find a way to switch their spots but she was good, it wasn’t something he could undo.

“This is my destiny,” Natasha assured him, “It’s okay. Just, tell her I loved her.”

“No!” Clint yelled as she kicked off the wall, there was nothing he could do, she was ripped from his grip, falling to her end before he could think to do anything.

You blinked your eyes, looking around it seemed like you were right where you had died, though it was different, less evidence of a battle, it was quieter too. Was this what heaven was? You had to be dead, there was no other explanation, your prediction said you would die and you had, you watched yourself disintegrate.

Before you knew it, Wanda was helping you up, you were reunited with those who had been fighting with you. “Where’s Nat?” You asked as you looked around.

Your question was left unanswered as a portal began to open up in front of you. You were needed for another battle, it had been 5 years and Thanos was back again and you had to make sure he didn’t get the stones again.

All you really cared about was getting Natasha back but if you had to fight first, you would. As the portal opened to the battle, you realized just how much they needed the help, but help was exactly what they got. You tried to search for her with every alien you took down, but you weren’t able to find her. It wasn’t that concerning, it was a big battle, she had to be somewhere.

It wasn’t often that you had a prediction right before it happened, but you could feel the pain that was about to come, you realized that even if you won, you were about to lose something big. Then before you could even try to process that, you saw it, Tony with all 6 stones, he snapped his fingers, and collapsed as all of Thanos’ army turned to dust.

The aftermath was chaos, everyone had finally grasped what had happened. That they had been gone for so long and you all had to deal with what had transpired during the five years you were gone.

“Clint!” You yelled when you finally saw him. You had been searching for Natasha with no luck but if anyone could tell you where she was it would be him.

Clint turned to you, and the look that he gave you made your stomach turn. “I can’t find Nat,”

“I-” Clint paused, he had no idea how to break the news to you. “She’s not here.”

“Where is she?” You didn’t understand. There is no way Natasha would have skipped out on a fight this big.

“I am so sorry.” Clint started, it was starting to dawn on you what he meant but you didn’t want it to be true, your head was shaking, trying to tell him no, he was wrong, whatever he was about to say wasn’t true. “I tried to stop her, it should have been me, but she just had to do it. She said it was her destiny. She thought she was fulfilling your prediction. About you burying her.”

“No!” You broke, you couldn’t have lost Natasha. You had thought that you had more time, you woke up in Wakanda and thought that surely you were destined to have more time with her. You didn’t want to lose her before you even got her back. “She can’t be gone. She had more time. I need her to have more time.”

“I know, I am so sorry.” Clint’s own voice broke. He never wanted it to be her. It should have been him from the beginning.

Tony’s funeral was a beautiful ceremony, one that he deserved. He had managed to save the entire universe from Thanos. You wished with everything that you could have gotten Natasha back, Bruce had told you that he had tried, when he first snapped, he tried to bring her back but it did not work.

You left Tony’s funeral, you went right from his to a cemetery, one where you had given Natasha a gravestone. While your prediction had mostly been true, neither of you had actually had a body to bury. You had turned to dust, and she was left at the bottom of a cliff on a planet you could not make it to, so instead you did what you could, you gave her a tombstone, somewhere you could visit, and somewhere where her life could be honored. While Tony might have saved everyone Natasha made it possible for an everyone to be saved.

“You know I have never hated my gift more than I do now.” You let it out into the open, telling Natasha how you felt. “I had always known that I would eventually have a prediction that would destroy me but this is much worse than I ever could imagine. And then I think about you, you spent 5 years holding out hope, thinking to one sentence to believe I would come back. And I did. I came back for you Nat. But you left me, please do leave me.”

After spending the rest of your evening there, just talking to the stone, not sure what else you do, you finally got up and headed back to your car. You had been filled in on what Nat had been doing the last 5 years and now that half the population just reappeared, you figured her job would be needed now more than ever. You couldn’t think of a better way to honor her, then to keep up the work she had been doing while you had been gone. Maybe you would hold onto some hope that she would come back as she did for you.

[flightofaqrow]

YOUR CHARACTER IN FIVE QUOTES!

( repost, do not reblog. ) Tell us your favorite quotes from your character. Give us an idea of who they are by five things they’ve said.

━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━

Alright, buckle up, I’m stealing this meme and repurposing it for my own use. Probably more than five, and including some quotes from others about him, though I’m going to try to keep it in groupings, and also not meant to be exhaustive of qrow’s character, but rather, to point out some very poignant lines that have effected my portrayal and... some possibly in an unpopular way compared to what I’ve seen in the fandom? I think Qrow Branwen is more complex than fitting the broody broken boi trope would give credit for (though he at least fits it as an overall stereotype).

━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━

1) I’m absolutely sure Qrow had a rough start and transition from the tribe to ‘civilized society’, coupled with typical teenage hormones and mood swings, but generally, Beacon was a good time, and he sees himself as a good huntsman, and (though we may joke about it sometimes) he absolutely does not have an active nor passive death wish.

Yeah, yeah, I know he has a song all about how he self depreciates and carries shame, but that’s a theme of his attitude, not backed up to be every single aspect of his life by actual canon. Quite the contrary. 

I don’t know where fndm gets the idea that he constantly lost his battles (especially to Raven) or was perpetually looked down on or stayed an angsty, broody teenager (who could never possibly have ever even breathed a single happy breath on his own without Summer??) all four years. As if school was hell and he never came into his own until STRQ was a graduated unit or something? If ever?

Leo tells Raven she and her brother are evenly matched. Raven herself - who takes pride in being stronger and more clever than others - describes them as a pair: “we were good.”

“you're talking to a member of the coolest team that graduated Beacon! ...we were pretty well known back in the day. ...hey, we looked good! and I have a number of inappropriate stories to back that up!”

“let me tell ya, these kids are way better than we were at their age. ...well, not better than me, specifically...”

“a professional huntsman like myself is expected to get results as soon as possible.”

The way Qrow talks about his past, as well as carrying a memento of team STRQ around with him, it’s very nostalgic for better times. The way he talks about his work, if not himself, can actually be to the point of being self-aggrandizing, instead of depreciating. He’s even able to admit that his dreaded semblance, Misfortune, “comes in handy in a fight.”

“lots of us thought you were just layin' low. eventually, we just came to accept that you were probably dead. but the stories about you, i based my weapon off of yours. i wanted to be as good as the Grimm Reaper.”

Qrow talks about himself as striving to be better. It seems he never really sees himself as reaching that standard, but it certainly implies he knows he’s not at the bottom - he had an ideal he wanted to reach and likely worked towards. Notice the use of “us” and “we” as well - he talks about himself as part of a group of larger huntsfolk circles. Who knows if this refers to students or licensed professionals or both, but this heavily, heavily implies that he was more than just a sad, outside loner, at least for a time; he chatted with others and traded stories about goings-on and missions and idols.

Somewhat related and leading into...

━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━

2)  At least around this blog, Qrow does not have an inferiority complex because of Raven.

Does he have some internalized shame about being soft that he can’t quite shake? A few insecurities about being unwanted compared to her natural leadership and competence? Yes. Does he consciously view himself as lesser than her? No. 

Also... he’s not co-dependent on her. To a degree, for while? Yeah, there was probably an unhealthy reliance going on there. But Qrow and Raven establish themselves with their own identities at some point, they’d have to, to chose different paths so stubbornly. There’s a rift there, eventually, if not always having been at odds in some ways and comfort in others.

“Raven's got an interesting way of looking at the world that I don't particularly agree with. [The weak die, the strong live. Those are the rules.]”

“...they were killers and thieves.”

We are shown that the twins were raised with this weak/strong dichotomy. Raven bought into it, but Qrow explicitly separates himself from that belief. Shown again when he mocks Raven with, “because that was your rule, right?”

He believes in true family, he believes in protecting the weak, he believes in doing good, he believes in standing up for what’s right. He may not like being emotionally vulnerable, but he shows softness and kindness to others, and for as much as he likes his flourish when fighting, he also isn’t afraid to look an absolute fool either.

He is shown de-escalating conflict time and again, even if he also falls back into violent, defensive patterns at times, too. He resents Raven for the choices she made, and as far as I interpret, thinks she’s the lesser one for running away and abandoning her family and her mission. (Meanwhile, she thinks the same of him for turning his back on the tribe.)

He all but spits on the tribe’s way of life, is willing to attack them outright to get the Spring Maiden. Why would he judge himself by those standards any longer? No, he lives by his own code, a huntsman’s code, and even has some pride in that. It’s why he can call Clover out on it. It’s why he folds when Robyn holds him to it.

It’s why it hurts when he finds out what gave him more meaning, aligned more with his own heart, than the tribe’s dogma may not actually have any purpose at all...

━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━

3) There’s so much to unpack here:

“No one wanted me... I was cursed... I gave my life to you because you gave me a place in this world... I thought I was finally doing some good... Meeting you... was the worst luck of my life...”

No one wanted him? I believe this means the tribe, maybe even Raven, maybe trying to make friends, but no one until Oz? Does this include STRQ? I have trouble reconciling that one with everything else we’re shown. I still maintain he was part of bigger circles, but we get confirmation that these were probably fleeting or superficial. He knew people and was known, but no one stuck around.  Also more confirmation of his values. Gave me a place sounds like so much more than refocusing to me. It’s not gave me a direction, not told me what to do, it’s took who i am and gave that person a place to thrive - despite the bad that comes with - to work towards something better. Just like he always wanted.

But then he backtracks. What is it he regrets?  We do know how he likes to go into dramatic hyperbole about these things when he’s upset. [eg. “we’re not family anymore.” “i shouldn’t have come. i shouldn’t have let any of you come.” “we can kill the man who put us here.” “gone. like everybody else.”] (I love that crwby lets their characters do it. we all say things we don’t mean in the moment, give voice to those intrusive thoughts.)

I’ve talked before about how I picture him having flashes of all the lives he could have had instead. Would he have gone back with Raven and at least still had her? Would he just have been a normal huntsman defending people from Grimm without the crushing extra knowledge? Might he have been able to have a relationship or family of his own had he not signed up for the vagabond spy life? Does he just resent losing Summer and Raven because of how things went down? We don’t know, and I think the point is that he probably doesn’t either, but the weight of sacrificing all those alternatives and putting so much faith in Ozpin, stacking so much of his life’s work and identity on being part of the inner circle, comes crashing down on him all at once. 

also quite fitting...

━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━

4) "Nice place to raise a family. ...If you're ...into that sort of thing."

This is from his World of Remnant narration, talking about Patch, but it hits so damn hard. The softness and warmth in the first half of the statement, followed by the harsh need to qualify it in regards to his own outlook... We learn all we need to know about his opinion of the subject. 

We see the conflict right there - the possibility of such a thing brings a wholesome lilt to his voice, yet he implies that it’s not something he personally intends to pursue. Is that because he doesn’t want it or because he thinks he can’t or shouldn’t have it? I don’t think that’s clear, and he may not know either. 

At the very least, I fall into the camp of him believing he doesn’t want it. Combine that with the fact that he does pick up that spy life, which makes keeping his distance a necessity, and makes settling down near impossible, and then he definitely knows it’s not in the cards for him. 

So I think it ultimately falls somewhere between. Why would he make the commitment to being a lone spy if he had dreams of love and a family? ...But then why would he resent making the sacrifice of that possibility later if he didn’t? 

Having his nieces around probably softened him up to the idea, but he’d already made his decision by that point. He’s also solid and generally happy with his choices at the point it would most matter. He’s married to his job. He’s fulfilling his missions well, in well-suited ways for his strengths and flaws. He has his nieces around as a balm on any sort of biological clock. He has his purpose with Oz.  Until he doesn’t.

This is an incredibly long-winded way of restating that one of the headcanon hills I do stand to die on is: Gray-romantic Qrow.

━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━

5) “some people are just born unlucky... my semblance isn't like most - it's not exactly something i... do.”

I am constantly confused by the amount of people trying to do character analysis around Misfortune and Qrow based on standard semblance lore, when he has yet again stated explicitly to the contrary. We all have carte blanche ya’ll. We can do whatever we want with this, because he’s already told us his semblance breaks the rules. 

My full headcanon for it is here and my opinion about the direction I hope it takes is here but tl;dr

Unless we learn otherwise, there are very, very few ways I believe Misfortune is a reflection of Qrow’s soul, if at all. This is from the first headcanon, but it’s worth restating, because it’s important to me, aaand fits the theme of pulling in some quotes from other characters:

Everyone likes to quote Ren and his description of someone’s personality being incorporated into a semblance. I don’t buy it for qrow. Here’s the FULL quote: “A common philosophy is that a warrior’s Semblance is a part of who they are. Some say your personality and character can define your Semblance while some claim that it is the other way around. Of course, there are still many who don’t see a connection at all.”

So unless we find out otherwise I will also die on the hill that qrow is an example of the middle part. Qrow’s personality/soul has nothing to do with why his semblance is what it is, but being forced to grow up and live with Misfortune has defined him tremendously.

OKAY, there are some smaller quick ones, but I’ll stick to my five points like I promised at least, and maybe do a lesser version some other time. :]

[mintacle]

The song of Achilles

Author: Madeline Miller

Rating: I liked the book! Made me feel things. Ages 16+

Themes: human weakness, pride (not the lgbtqia+ pride, guys. Pride as in one of the deadly sins.), love, greek mythology

Category: greek mythology, lgtbqia+

What is it about?: Madeline Miller's story takes a new perspective on the old story of the Iliad. 'The song of Achilles' is told from the perspective of Patroclus, whose relationship to Achilles has been a much controversial topic since the ancient times (even Plato has already debated it!). The Iliad leaves no doubt as to the two characters sharing a deep bond, perhaps even a romantic one.

The song of Achilles in truth tells the story of Patroclus, as Achilles lover. The book starts in his young childhood, showing us an insecure boy, who is either pressured or dismissed by his father before his eventual exile. He meets Achilles, another young boy and develops a friendship, beginning with envy and growing into admiration.

As grown ups, both boys are forced to participate in the war of Troy because of an oath Patroclus made as a young boy. Most readers already knows that both characters die in the end, so the tragic ending is not unexpected. I think that knowing the inevitable ending to the story makes the build-up more dramatic, you can't help but still hope for it to end differently.

The war changes both of the men. Constant violence would make anyone lose their humanity, their compassion. Despite the hate that surrounds them, Achilles and Patroclus never lose nor waver in their love.

Why do I like it/ dislike it?:

Reimaging ancient mythology can be done in many different ways (and it has!), so there's alot to say about the choice of style. Miller writes in modern english, but somehow still gives her writing a feeling of ancient poise. She doesn't use any colloquialisms. Neither her sentence structure nor her word choice really fit into our daily life, so it is impressive how the writing still feels authentic and is so easy to identify with. I enjoy books that make me feel something, and 'The Song of Achilles' has found a way to do that with such a distinct writing style. The language manages to pull you into it's rythm, rather than alienate you.

The story has a slow build, not only the romance, but the changes of the characters are done so slowly, that they can be hard to notice. Only when you shift back and forth in the book do you notice how Achilles once youthful and playful pride has turned into the heavy burden it is at the end of the book.

There's something quite special about the love between Achilles and Patroclus. I believe it has to do with how unwavering it is and how it is not burdened by expectations, but simple and pure. Patroclus deep love is evident in his internal monologue. He describes a kind of passionate and sometimes desperate love that not many people experience themselves. Patroclus has self-confidence issues and his perspective is warped by that at some points in the story, but Achilles words leave no doubt of his answering deep love for Patroclus.

Criticism:

As Madeline Miller's book is a re-interpretation of an ancient story, some people have raised their concerns that she has over-interprated or wrongly portrayed certain parts. Obviously some people are insulted at her insinuation that Achilles and Patroclus have a homosexual relationship, but that's not really a criticism I deem worthy of time or contemplation. (Oh no, homosexuality! Look, homophobia is bad. Let's just agree on that and get it over with.) And the second biggest criticism I've stumbled upon is the characterization of Thetis, Achilles mother. Many fans want her to have been kinder and more traditionally 'motherly', I guess. She is overly protective and possesive of Achilles and I find that makes her a compelling character. It contributed to the story in a more intresting way than a flawlessly virtuous character would.

I don't really have any criticisms of my own. The closest thing to it would be that since the story is told from Patroclus POV we're missing out on Achilles thought and feelings. I would love to know more about what motivates him to act the way he does. Patroclus is so insecure that he puts Achilles on a very high pedestal. I think his character is more conflicted and human than Patroclus views him as, but reading the story in this way also opens up many possibilities. It is a lesson in the inherent bias of perception, but in truth still gives the reader all the information about Achiles' feelings, they just have to be understood between the lines. Which means that 'The Song of Achilles' is a great read of it's own, but also has a lot of potential for analyzing and probing deeper.

Warnings: rape/non-con, death, graphic violence, abuse

Suggestions and wishes for the book rec series are welcome! Don't be shy to message me, no matter what it is about. Anyone is welcome to talk to me. :)

[strawberry1212]

Asian drama female lead passivity

I feel like a lot of aspects of female lead (FL) passivity is discussed (the fish kiss being the most famous example), but I wanted to systematically analyze each trope under the theory of female passivity and its feminist implications.

This topic has been stuck in my mind ever since I read a blog years ago (literally like six years ago so I’m sorry I have no idea where it is, I can’t link it) talking about how intimacy in Asian dramas is always portrayed as something women relent to giving up half-heartedly, and men one sidedly pursue. Women are chaste, men are lustful, and women are yielding to men, that is the essential message.

This dynamic plays out in Western media as well--the movie Don Jon is a super interesting analysis comparing how women are indoctrinated by romcoms, to how men are indoctrinated by porn. So women attach grand romantic gestures and romantic commitment to their self worth, because that’s what the girl gets in her happy ending, while men attach it to sexual prowess/having women do kinky sexual favors.

This dynamic is super harmful because it works to suppress female sexuality, as well as male emotionality. People are always surprised when a woman would rather just want sex (or a career) over a romantic commitment. And men are applauded for having the bare minimum of emotional awareness because it’s so rare.

I think a form of Asian drama female lead (FL) passivity that is most talked about is the infamous “fish kiss.” See exhibit A:

The guy initiates the kiss on the usually unsuspecting girl, as if the girl ever going in for the kiss herself would be too sexually aggressive. And as if even enjoying the kiss would be too much, they have her just stand there eyes wide open. It’s awkward, and even slightly funny to watch, but our critique often ends here. But I think the fish kiss is a symptom of a much deeper problem. 

You will notice that female lead passivity is present in all physical interactions between the romantic interests.

The pull in hug:

Which sometimes the FL looks uncomfortable to frightened in:

I even found a meme, so I know I’m not the only who thinks this is weird:

(meme/photo credit: https://goliath1357.tumblr.com/post/27115253892/kdramareasons-awkward-one-sided-hugs-k-drama)

What I don’t like about this trope is first of all, it makes female consent seem less romantic. It romanticizes this idea of male pursuit/female passivity, the man will protect her, the man will pursue her (basically like an object), the man will do all the work in making the relationship progress, etc., and it romanticizes this dynamic to women--this is easy to romanticize for us, because to the most of us that aren’t being constantly pursued by two hot men, this pursuit dynamic seems like a dream boat. Often the kdrama female lead (due to the Initial Misunderstanding trope) will even dislike and push away the male lead--and yet he still pursues her, how romantic! -_- Except in real life, the guy aggressively pursuing you and ignoring you disinterest is not romantic.

And the issue is on both sides, because it teaches women to just stand there, not express consent, and not express sexual/intimacy enthusiasm when we’re feeling it (that would be ~unladylike~). And on the other side, it teaches men to do all the pursuing and to assume that a girl standing frozen, wide eyed, and often looking scared as you kiss her, is consent. Sometimes the guy even interprets a clear “no” as consent. (Honestly I’m not even sure if these Asian drama writers are thinking along the lines of “xyz is consent,”...like I’m not sure how often they even think of the concept of consent tbh.)

But anyways, passivity. is not. consent!!!! That’s why we have the slogan “Yes mean yes,” meaning both parties must have enthusiastic, clear consent, for respectful intimacy. Asian dramas discourage women from expressing an enthusiastic “yes,” and it teaches men not to expect this “yes,” so they can steamroll past passivity and even rejection.

And I know some people will be boohooing me on this. “But sudden kisses and hugs are so romantic!” people will say. But what is “romantic,” like many things, is a social construct. We think things are romantic because they’ve always been presented to us as romantic, with swelling music in the background and the implicit understanding that anything is ok because they are Soulmates(TM) that end up happy together. We construct our idea of what is romantic largely out of media.

But that is not real life, and carrying those messages over to real life (as we inevitably all do), is dangerous. I just moved to Japan so this especially hits close to home for me: I dress conservatively by American standards, but I couldn’t bring a quarter of my clothes when I moved because I worried men on trains would interpret them as revealing, and therefore I would be “asking for it.” I, and I’m sure many women will feel me on this, think about and fear sexual assault very often. And when we don’t enshrine active consent, we perpetuate rapist culture.

Since “romantic” is anything our society constructs it to be, let’s romanticize enthusiastic consent! (like this NCT song!!) I think sudden kisses can be cute when you’ve established boundaries that it’s is ok, but it scares me that men and women are watching this and thinking suddenly kissing a person you haven’t discussed boundaries/intimacy with at all is cute. It’s all fun and games when it’s the hot male lead kissing the girl you know he’s going to end up with, but it’s not cute when it’s real life men thinking they’re entitled to women’s bodies.

Other examples of female passivity:

I stopped watching Moonlight Drawn over the Clouds at precisely this scene:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=X6I0WXeD-dc&ab_channel=KBSWORLDTV

because it was so painful to watch her sitting there like a fish as the guys got these cool fight scenes. Like girllll literally do anything, throw a rock, something! First dramas routinely disable the female characters by making the male characters the able fighters, but even if you’re not an able fighter you can do more than just sit there like a lame duck -_- Especially the parts of these scenes where someone is standing over the girl with the sword and the writers don’t give the girl the presence of mind to simply run away, but they give the guy the presence of mind to somersault into the room, jump over ten monkey bars, slash the antagonist, and catch the girl bridal style on his way down. I guess the damsel in distress trope is as old as the book, but just the complete passivity so many female characters show in fight scenes as they need to be saved is really annoying and disempowering.

I think the worst part is their faces, they’re all like omg! this is so sad!

well girl you could have done literally ANYTHING other than sit there as he took ten bullets for you lmao. Women don’t exist to stand by and be saved!!! This is a historical drama but the modern drama version is when the guy is getting beat up by bullies or whatever and the girl just stands by and does nothing but look upset.

Another good trope that is under this passivity theme is the double wrist grab, where we not only have ONE male lead (ML) manhandling the FL, but TWO MLs. Ahh yes the only thing better than forcibly ignoring consent and the FL’s wishes is TWO men doing it.

I heard this recently even happened in True Beauty...which...that drama...truly I thought Kdramas were progressing until I saw how much people were hyping up that mess of misogyny (not to mention how boringly predictable it was). 

I can’t quite express this next trope in a screenshot, but something I also see a lot of is the ML professing his love to the FL and she sort of just stands there like O_O. Like she’s just sort of this object that sits there being admired? It’s just such an unnatural way to react to someone professing their love for you, and these scenes drag on for many minutes of just the ML’s dialogue so the female actress, having no lines, has no choice but to sit there O_O. Like give her lines! Give her reactions! Give her anything other than being wide eyed!!!!

And these physical interactions represent deeper emotional passivity in the female lead.

I’ve noticed it’s almost always the trend of the male lead falls later, but falls harder, and ultimately he puts more energy into making the relationship progress. Again, this buys into female fantasy, but it is an unhealthy fantasy that is grounded, I think, in our insecurities, and our fear of putting ourselves out there (so we would rather have someone pursue us than put ourselves out there and meet someone halfway).

This emotional passivity is why, weirdly enough, sometimes I will really like the drama because the girl is very stubbornly, openly, and aggressively pursuing the guy. A case of this is Itazura na Kiss, or Mischievous Kiss (there’s a Jdrama, Kdrama, and anime--I only watched the anime). Now the guy is downright meannnnn in Mischievous Kiss, this was not a healthy relationship at all, but there was something refreshing about the girl. Sure her aggression was in pursuing a man, but at least it was aggression, and I’d always only seen any hint of female sexuality/actively pursuing as something very stigmatized. 

I think a sister trope to the passivity trope is the innocence trope. The guy will literally take the initiative to profess his undying love to the FL and she’ll be like “what?? omg stop teasing you’re joking ahahha.” Why do FLs need to be so oblivious/innocent? I think it caters to the way media is seen through a male gaze but that’s a trope to deconstruct another time.

[redteabaron]

Different anon… Here is the thing though, Drogo/Dany isn’t a parallel to sansan. People who make that comparison either lack severe reading comprehension, which is not surprising for this fandom, or they want to use it to validate sansan. (Tyrion was the older guy Sansa was forced to marry. Dany and Sansa have opposite journeys and their marriages are a part of that.) But sansan’s mirror is Jorah/Dany. Book!Jorah is an older guy who has a creepy obsession with a teenage girl. He dumps his trauma on her, he projects onto her. But he is also her advisor, her confidante early on, his protector. There are also the same BaTB elements sansans love to talk about. She even refers to him as her bear. But he was lusting after her ever since they met and then he assaulted her. He forced himself on her. She is uncomfortable with his actions, but she doesn’t possess the necessary language and she doesn’t understand consent (we know this because of how she frames her relationship with Drogo but also how she expected Lhazareen women to be ok, even be thankful for being married to their rapists, and her dubcon relationship with Irri) so she recontextualize what happened and chastise Jorah for kissing her not because she is a teenager and he shouldn't and she didn’t consent to but because she is his Queen. That's the language she has, so she expresses her discontent, disapproval, rejection with that. Sandor was verbally, psychologically, physically abusive to Sansa but he also occasionally protected her in King’s Landing. He lusted after her, made sexually inappropriate comments to an 11 year old child but he was also the only one in KL to have honest conversations with her. Then he assaulted her, held her at knife point. She was afraid of him kissing her, killing her, she had nightmare about the assault which she clearly registered as a sexual one despite what his fans claim his intentions were. Sansa has a habit of romanticizing/redefining these things. Sansa thinks Arys Oakheart was preferable, that he was kind because he beat her less hard than the other Kingsguard. She remembers Tyrion as someone who were kind to her, someone better than Joffrey even though he molested her and she had him in her nightmares too. She separates Littlefinger and Petyr in her mind because just like with the other men before him the thought of her sometimes-protector at the same time being her abuser is too much for her. Just like Dany she recontextualizes what the Hound did to her and turns the assault into a song to cope with it.

These two pairings has the same dynamic, the difference is fandom’s response to it. (The slight differences are that Dany had actual amiable feelings for Jorah -not romantic love or sexual feelings but friendly, sisterly love for him- and she as a Queen had a lot more agency than Sansa as a prisoner had. She isn't as powerless as Sansa, she could have easily banished him, punished him, even ordered his death.) But no one in fandom writes essay after essay why and how could and should Jorah and Dany end up together. It’s an outrageous suggestion. Dany is a main character, she is the heroine. She is a Queen. Why should she ever end up with someone as lowly as Jorah? Someone as old, as ugly as Jorah? But Sansa, meh she is not an important character. And she needs to be punished, first because she was a child making childish mistakes. Secondly, she is shallow, she refused to be raped by her older, ugly husband. So she needs to end up with an older ugly guy to humble her. Even when the author expressed his distaste of the trope of a noble girl running away with a lowly guy in medieval stories, nah that doesn’t matter here. Sansa being of high nobility, a princess won’t have any factor at all who she’s gonna end up with. They had to keep assuring themselves that she is not a main character so she could even end up with a villainous character, that she is not a Stark so she could end up with people who hurt/fight against her family. The hypocrisy of this fandom, and their selective reading is most clear when it comes to these two “couples”. Almost all sansans (whether it is the actual shippers or those who think it’ll happen because well it’s Sansa what else she’s gonna do besides being a reward bride for some hideous guy) hate Jorah/Dany (as they should) while trying to justify how and why Sansa should end up with the hound. Let's forget the abuse and pedophile, let's assume those never happened, even then it makes no sense. There is not a narratively satisfying way, a logical reason how Sansa could be with Sandor. But they ignore all that because it doesn't fit in with their vision, with their interpretation of the books and characters. Because admitting Sansa is a main character and more than a reward for their pedo fave has a ripple affect, it challenges all their theories, they all crumble. And they just can't let go of their 2 decades old theories, they just have to be right, they must be right. That's why they all took the show's ending as a personal offense, especially the QiTN Sansa. I just can't wait for the books!

Yeah, agreed. jorah and sandor are mirrors of each other. I mean I hope they both die without any glory or honor, personally. I don't really care if they have sacrificial deaths for the greater good - or whatever framing the show had intended - jorah and sandor were also whitewashed and made more pitiable/likeable.

Whenever dany x dr*go is used to validate literally ANY pairing, I am suspish. In particular when we acknowledge that dany absolutely couldn't consent - she was 13 iirc - and was sold off by her abusive brother to a man twice her age, but Sansa reimagining her trauma about Sandor's assault to something less traumatic is considered being hateful to Sandor because he's unattractive. (And I never really listen whenever ppl give me shit or deny it was assault; pertaining to my job, I'm pretty fucking aware what assault or intention-to-assault looks like, and I think most ppl do to, they just seem to lose awareness when it comes to their ships or certain characters).

I think it has to do with Sansa being the archetypal "Pretty Popular Girl" - the one who like feminine things, sort of fussy, likes feminine colors and just in general is feminine. She seems to remind people of the classic mean popular girl we saw popularized in 1990s-2000s high school movies - the one who gets her comeuppance in the end when the non-feminine girl somehow triumphs in whatever way, or she's the one who learns her lesson and stops being quite so feminine, or hooks up with a most-popular guy. The Mean/Pretty Popular girl has to be humbled in some fashion. Fans who don't like her, tend to view this as a way for her to pay for the error of her ways.

Like being a prisoner of war. Or not wanting to fuck tyrion. Or not wanting to run away with sandor.

I mean...all of asoiaf, beyond the politics and magic, is all about trauma and the human response to it - which is varied and depends on circumstances, personalities, and a lot of other things. One of the more vile things GOT did was whitewash jorah and tyrion the way they did imo. Jorah was a predator, circling Dany, regardless of whether she thought of him fondly, he just happened to not be violent towards her - she cries when he forces a kiss on her. Tyrion was a predator who molested her when he acknowledged she was a child "but he wanted her anyway". I've seen a lot of ppl react more sympathetically towards Dany. I haven't seen much recrimination against dany for refusing him the way we see sansa being hated for not wanting tyrion or sandor, hell, even petyr.

But - Sansa, imo, in the larger or at least circles of the fandom that have been around longer, is a more ideal whipping girl for the outlet a lot of ppl crave. See again the popular girl trope. She can't fight, she has no magical creatures, she is not a Chosen One of any kind. She has her wits and her ability to observe and adapt who has no choice but to navigate survival surrounded by people who have more agency and power than she does. That's it. I guess in a world of amazing abilities and magic and warfare, this is very boring, particularly when she doesn't weaponize her femininity or sexuality, where she's beautiful without being dangerous or magical or erotic. And I guess ppl feel that because of that, she needs to be punished for not being as extraordinary as she should be, OR, because she was the "Mean Popular Girl" (she wasn't) she must be humbled, and the ones to do it are the ones she refuses.

It's really delicious knowing they don't get "to have her" 🤢. Hopefully they just both fuck off to the ends of the world or die, idc they deserve zero thought.

[johannas-motivational-insults]

Jo’s Top 10 of 2020

I see lots of artists doing that thing where they post a piece from each month of the year... unfortunately my content creation isn’t necessarily consistent and it’s hard to track what month individual fic chapters were posted in, but I figured I’d do something similar and post my Top 10 pieces of content I created in 2020, what they’re about and why I love them. I actually did get a fair amount done this year thanks to the lockdown, but I’ve narrowed it down to these ten that I’d like to reflect on. (To be fair, I’m probably forgetting something huge. Feel free to leave comments if you think I passed over something important lol.)

10. Friendship in the Horde (meta): This is something I’d wanted to write for a while but finally got around to finishing in February. It’s basically a sociology paper lmao, an analysis of the social hierarchies and systems of the Horde. It was also a convenient excuse for me to gush about Catralonnie, an underrated (friend)ship. But honestly this was an important piece for me because I have always identified with the Horde characters way more than any of the rebels (other than Adora, who grew up in the Horde) and part of why is how they are in an unsafe environment and end up forming relationships that are helpful for survival but hinder them psychologically. And I think to understand the Horde characters and really evaluate their motives and choices you need to understand this first.

9. The Sting in My Eyes: On the surface this is just a run of the mill hurt/comfort oneshot, but it was a really important post-canon processing fic for me. I had a lot of feelings about Catra’s relationships with Shadow Weaver and Melog in season 5, particularly about how Catra must have felt really conflicted after Shadow Weaver told her what she wanted to hear all those years but in a way that felt unearned and out of the blue. It was really cathartic for me to write a scene where she struggles with those mixed feelings but has Adora and Melog to help her process them. And I had long associated the song the title is from with Catra and Shadow Weaver’s relationship, and the way she died trying to redeem herself really solidified that connection.

8. Hail Mary, chapter 6: This was supposed to be a short chapter mostly about the backstory between Catra and Scorpia in this au, with some Catradora yearning thrown in. It evolved into a massive, sprawling thing that is very atmospheric in terms of how the setting and vibes are described and how in the moment it feels. Hail Mary is like that sometimes but that type of narration is usually about football games rather than parties, so this chapter was a fun change of pace in many ways. It was really nostaglic for me to write too, the nerves of being a teenager at a party with your crush and how intense everything feels. And the Scorptra stuff really is delicious, it was nice seeing them have that conversation they never got to have in canon and truly make up, and the tiny sliver I added of Catra’s earlier history was heartbreaking in the best way. So this was not what I intended to write, but it turned out way better for it.

7. A Better Son or Daughter (AMV): I’ve done other Adora AMVs, but this one is really my iconic piece. The song is perfect for Adora, so perfect it’s on Noelle’s Adora playlist. The vid itself is a character study about Adora’s mental health struggles and the way she represses them, as well as a tribute to her resiliency and her eventual triumph of getting to a better place in her life. This is a song that gives me a lot of feelings and once I was making it about Adora it gave me even more, so this was a very satisfying piece to complete. I wish Noelle had gotten a chance to see it but oh well, maybe down the line.

6. Hail Mary, chapter 12: This is the chapter that much of the fic had been building to, Catra and Adora in conflict because Catra finally got the chance to be Adora’s hero and Adora shot her down. It’s painfully analogous to canon, both in terms of how (I suspect) Catra felt in Thaymor and Adora’s tendency to victim blame because she’s so pragmatic. There’s definitely some tones of Taking Control in there but Lonnie does a much better job of examining Catra’s psychology and needs than Glimmer did in canon (a writing error imo, Glimmer should have had more insight). Adora just wants to help but sometimes in her quest to do so she disenfranchises others, and this was a much needed look at that aspect of her character. It’s also an excellent illustration of what it’s like to play a peacekeeping role in an abusive household and how stressful it is trying to protect others while also protecting yourself.

5. Unstoppable (AMV): This is not my favorite Catra AMV I’ve ever done, but it might be the cleverest. The soundtrack is a song about mental illness masquerading as a song about being a bad bitch, which is basically Catra in a nutshell. The lyrics are incredibly fitting for her and her arc as it develops over seasons 1-4. The vid itself takes a hard turn in the interpretation of the lyrics, going from talking about how no one can stop Catra to how she can’t stop herself because she’s in such a terrible sunk cost fallacy spiral, and I think I got several death threats over that twist lmao. As someone who primarily deals in angst, there’s hardly a better compliment to be paid.

4. Demons, chapter 31: This one got real dark on me. The concept of this chapter was originally an examination of how comparing abuse can get really dicey but you also have to respect that other people have had different experiences from you and you have to be careful not to equate things or make it sound like you’re talking over someone else. I guess it’s also a bit of a look at how autistic people (like myself) will often explain why they can empathize so others know they understand rather than saying empty platitudes, but that can come off as insensitive or like they’re making things about them. I mean, in this case Adora kinda was making things about her, but she was provoked into it by a parade of comments insinuating she didn’t suffer at all, which was also unfair. Anyway it’s one of the more important Catradora fights in Demons and something I’d written bits of over a year prior, it was that important to the plot, but it also took a turn I was not originally planning. I finished the chapter when I was in a really bad depressive and self-loathing spiral and that bled onto the page, but it worked perfectly for Catra in this scenario... that push and pull of feeling like the world has hurt and victimized you mixed with knowing you’ve done some bad things yourself and feeling like you don’t have a leg to stand on when mourning the ways you’ve been hurt. It’s intense as all fuck but it’s excellent.

3. Hail Mary, chapter 11: Speaking of dark Catra content, this chapter... whew. It was really something else, to read and to write. I have written flashbacks in Demons that are more detailed and even include explicit violence but because those scenes are always in flashback form I never really got the chance to sit in the head of an abuse victim waiting for the other shoe to drop for an entire chapter like I did here. It’s quite different from the rest of Hail Mary stylistically and is both highly sensory and extremely internalized. It took me back to some terrifying moments in my own life so it was difficult but also extremely cathartic to write. It’s important too because it really sets up where Catra was at mentally heading into her big fight with Adora, and that chapter is in Adora POV. This chapter is ranked so high simply because it’s... polished, as @malachi-walker put it. It almost is its own story within the story and really noteworthy as a piece all its own.

2. Demons, chapter 26: This chapter is very similar thematically to Hail Mary 12, just based in the canonverse. It deals with one of the core (but highly neglected by fandom) conflicts between Catra and Adora, where they both need to feel like they can take care of and protect the other but also detest feeling weak or vulnerable themselves. It leads to Adora’s ego making Catra feel disrespected and Catra’s behavior confusing Adora and making her think she’s an ungrateful brat rather than someone who needs so badly to be needed, just like her. There’s definitely some power struggles in this chapter but finally they’re able to get to the heart of it and seeing them talk it out is so satisfying. Getting this chapter published was also important to me on a personal level because, like I said, this aspect of their conflict and relationship is rarely acknowleged for how important it is when really it’s one of the deepest conflicts between them in the series. It’s a scene I started writing pretty much as soon I knew I was extending the fic into something longer because I just needed them to have this conversation, so finishing it was so satisfying.

1. Satisfaction, chapter 3: This chapter took me a really long time to write, both in terms of time to get it published and time I actually spent working on it. It’s the crown jewel of a fic that’s really important to me and I had to get it just right, so I spent more time agonizing over every detail and rewriting things to get them absolutely perfect than I usually do (I’m a perfectionist anyway, but this took it to a whole other level). But in the end it was worth it, because this chapter is damn fine. It’s really hot, as you’d expect from a smut fic, but it’s also an excellent character study of how both Catra and Adora were affected by their abuse and trauma and the issues it raises for them in terms of sex and intimacy. Also, come on, we need more BDSM fics out there that focus on the actual point of it all (the trust involved) and promote communication and do the character work to explain why they might be into it in the first place.

BONUS (from December 31, 2019): One of my favorite pieces of 2020 technically came out in 2019, but I posted it on New Years Eve so most people first saw it in 2020. It’s an absolute banger of an AMV called I’m Not Jesus that’s all about Catra and Adora’s anger towards Shadow Weaver and their refusal to forgive their abuser. Funny enough this came out before Adora’s iconic “I will never forgive you” line, and Shadow Weaver definitely made things more complicated with how she went out, but I think the sentiment still applies.

[mayimkjs]

Analyzing MeMe's Lyrics (Trikoto Ver)

I will be using this translation for this.

Some people try to separate the lyrics out into who is singing according to the video. I believe that who is singing isn’t always the same as who’s currently in the video. 

I feel this song is suppose to be confusing and thus, is harder to dissect then Double.  

俺 isn't used in this song. That means that John is never singing about himself directly. 

The screams are likely the first 4 syllables of the official English translation of that line.

Taken from the FOOL's MATE research doc.

Color Key

Mikoto　John　Midokoto

--------------------------------------------

1. (???) 2. If I could have laughed 3. (???) 4. If I could have gone back 5. (???) 6. Then I would act dead even though I’m living, aren’t I?

This whole stanza could be either Mikoto or John.

Mikoto: To me, this all sorta sounds like Mikoto has suicidal tendencies. This is further reinforced by John hinting that he does. He could also be talking about subconsciously regretting getting his job.

John: These lines line up more with his vocal style but are harder to discern. John is obviously agitated in this scene. He could be looking back to a time where he didn’t need to be so active or a time when things were easier/happier to cope with. It could also be that he doesn't want to kill, but deems it necessary to protect them. 

7. (???) 8. If I could be gone 9. (???) 10. If I could make it stop 11. (???) 12. I wonder how long this dream of mine would stay alive?

Referring to his job and all of the stress. This whole stanza could be either Mikoto or John.

8. Could also be a carried thought from the last stanza. 

13. You don’t have to go and keep it all inside 14. Because “I” will decide to save “me” anyway 15. Snuggle up and say your mutual “good night”’s 16. Flip that switch back on, rattle up that brain

13-14. These lines sound like John. Mostly because he refers to Mikoto as “I” or “me” sometimes. When he does this, he uses 僕 instead of 俺.

14. The start of this line is written “ボクが僕”. This is likely a stylistic choice to break up the visual monatamy caused by using “僕が僕”. I can’t think of another reason it would be this way.

15. Midokoto is giving John special treatment due to what he’s done, reassuring him that everything will be ok. 

16. I believe this is Midokoto speaking and talking about forcing a switch. 

17. Why, then, is it me standing before you now?  18. Surely you’re mistaken 19. Just take a look and see if you can find me out,  20. Find the me that’s been hiding away 21. The truth will be sure to come to light 22. I won’t forgive you if this is a lie when I know I’m right

17-19, 22. Mikoto being Mikoto, trying to get Es to believe that he’s done nothing wrong.

20. Hinting at his alters. This could also be Mikoto looking into himself because he knows something isn't right. This line uses 僕 so this could be Mikoto, Midokoto or both singing. 

21. Mikoto is out of the loop on John and Midokoto’s actions. He wants to find the truth. This could also be interpreted as Mikoto being Mikoto.

22. His use of “赦さない” is directly referencing the voting system in T1. Shidou is the only other character to do this. 

23. (???) 24. If only it’d break,  25. (???) 26. If only I could change 27. (???) 28. Would I find my way?  29. I wonder when I started to give it up

This whole stanza could be either Mikoto or John.

Mikoto: Mikoto feels stuck in life and wants to change. 

John: He’s starting to question if what they’re doing is right.

30. (???) 31. If I could break loose,  32. (???) 33. If only I could choose 34. (???) 35. Is it selfish to do what I’ve done if it isn’t too much?

This whole stanza could be either Mikoto or John.

Mikoto: Mikoto feels stuck in life and wants to change. 

John: (30-34) What he’s doing is starting to trouble him. (35) He’s wondering if what he’s doing is selfish since he’s killing people to put less stress on Mikoto. 

36. Adding to me was this “minus” energy 37. As I choked, I was closely wound in its embrace 38. Maybe it’s okay to try to keep living 39. Split that heart in half and make it race

36. “マイナスのイメージ” translates better into “Minus Image”. This could be talking how John is the opposite to Mikoto. Mikoto and Midokoto also seem similar, so this could be referring to Mido instead of Miko. 

36-37. Mido feels connected to John or he has accepted the "negative energy" of violence.

38. Mikoto acting like everything is ok.

39. Mido is trying to keep Mikoto and John away from each other. This shows his possibly controlling nature. 

Alternatively, this whole stanza could be sung by Mido. These lines, when put together, could be interpreted as “maybe it’s okay to keep living [like this], as long as they are kept apart to make our heart beat”.

40. Why, then, is it me standing before you now?  41. Surely you’re mistaken 42. Just take a look and see if you can find me out,  43. Find the me that’s been hiding away 44. The truth will be sure to come to light 45. I won’t forgive you if this is a lie when I know I’m right

Repeat of Chorus 1.

46. With all the clearly ridiculous accusations 47. I will make them feel pain, they will suffocate 48. But isn’t it all in vain? 49. Ah, it’s the same everywhere I go 50. It’s like what is wrong isn’t wrong in people’s eyes 51. There’s no guessing between us when I’m the hoax

46-48. All of the accusations are causing Mikoto stress and John is taking action. 

47. Could be Mikoto singing as he has a similar line in Double. 

49-50. I believe this applies to both Mikoto and John. Mikoto’s self doubt and self consciousness is coming into play. He doesn't want to stand out. John is tired of Midokoto’s shit and is at the height of his frustration. 

51. Speaking to Es. ニセモノ was used instead of the kanji for hoax/fake (偽物). This is likely a stylistic choice. Unclear who is speaking.

52. I am probably not to blame anyhow,  53. It is probably nothing and 54. This must be a dream,  55. A nightmare that I’ve found,  56. One I need to be waking from

These lines are either Mikoto or Midokoto singing. Overall, all of these lines sound unsure. 

Mikoto: Mikoto is brushing everything off and saying it’s nothing. 

Mido: Midokoto is passing off the blame. 

57. Why, then, is it me standing before you now?  58. Surely you’re mistaken 59. Just take a look and see if you can find me out,  60. Find the me that’s been hiding but

Repeat of Chorus 1. 

60. Unclear who songs this, but the last word is likely Mikoto. 

61. Why, then? Hey. Why then?  62. Am I nowhere at all to be found then? 63. That is why 64. I won’t forgive you if this is a lie when I know I’m right

Mikoto feels lost and confused. 

65. Why, then? Hey. Why then?  66. Can’t you please let me go and just let me live my life? 67. Say you’re mistaken and it’s a fake and just 68. Say that I am right about all of this 69. I will forgive you if you can say how it really is

Mikoto is pleading with Es to let him go as he’s done nothing wrong. 

[sodone-withlife]

it's a sad song

heavily inspired by Hadestown, will feature lyrics from How Long? and Epic III. thanks to @yourlocalheartbreaker for indulging me and my rants about how much i love this musical

the musical's interpretation of Hades and Persephone's story is perfect for Hotch and Haley, so here is the self-indulgent cliche songfic. as usual, i did little to no proofreading so apologies for any grammatical/spelling errors. it's also more choppy than i'd like, but i really wanted to get it out so i can force myself to work on another angsty Hotch fic

warnings: canonical character death, non-canon character death, suicide

word count: 4k words

(And what has become of the heart of that man, now that the man is king? What has become of the heart of that man, now that he has everything?)

In the grand scheme of things, Hotch was lucky. He was further away from the bomb when it went off and only needed a day and a half in the hospital before he was back at the field office, taking the reins in handling the press and brass that was ready to tear Gideon apart.

The inquisition that followed in Virginia was vicious and by the end, Gideon was on indefinite medical leave and the unit was under the brass’s close scrutiny as Hotch took charge of the unit. As much as the word “temporary” was being parroted around in regards to the new chain of command, it was tacit knowledge that it was a permanent arrangement. A fiasco on the scale of Boston was enough to get an agent fired, and it was only Gideon’s seniority and excellent record that kept him with the bureau.

For Hotch, Boston and the months following only reinforced three lessons that were already hardwired into his brain:

Do not break and do not allow yourself to bleed where others can see, for there are always sharks waiting to tear you apart.

(Give them a piece and they'll take it all Show them a crack and they'll tear down the wall)

Nothing is certain. Even the strongest, the smartest, the most experienced, can fail. Do not fall victim to your own hubris, for it will be your undoing.

(Lend them an ear and the Kingdom will fall The Kingdom will fall for a song)

Death awaits everyone. It takes without mercy or regard for the lives left behind.

He was the new face of the BAU within the bureau, and even his prosecutorial and investigative record could not help protect the team from scrutiny.

So he straightened his spine and hardened his already severely sharp features, throwing himself into work and restoring the unit’s reputation.

Then Hotch came home one day to Haley’s brilliant smile and delighted excitement, and for a moment, he was reminded of the first time he talked to her nearly twenty years ago, when he told her he was quitting his smoking habit.

He had frozen when she first approached him in his dark corner a few weeks after school had resumed in the fall. She had smiled amusedly, his social ineptitude clear as day as he struggled to find words to greet her, to apologize for seeming like a creep over the summer when he first saw her outside on the sports field coaching younger students through vocal warmups before they started rehearsing the musical that was being put on that year, only to completely blank she plopped herself down next to him with her own school bag and lunch.

By the end of that day, he had convinced himself it was only going to be a one-off thing, that she wasn’t going to come back. If he had been honest with himself, part of him, the part that knew so intimately that his mother’s skin only remained free from bruises after his innocent baby brother was born was because his damned father finally had a son he could look at without being reminded of his self-hatred, wished it was.

But then she came back the next day, the day after that, and the day after that, apparently content to sit beside him in silence only broken by periodic comments about the going-ons in her life and the musical. And she continued going to sit next to him, even as he watched as others tried to warn her away, tried to physically guide her away from the bleachers.

What was stranger, he thought, was that she stayed even in spite of his silence, and in spite of his vices—he could tell she didn’t like his habit, but she didn’t comment. She just kept him company.

It was a few weeks into this arrangement, when he saw his still mostly full pack, that he realized that he hadn’t itched for a smoke during lunch for weeks, not while she was there and talking to him in ways he’d never been talked to before.

Sometime later, as the number of cigarettes in the pack remained unchanging, as the pack itself went untouched in his schoolbag, he finally threw it away.

That was the first time Hotch talked to her, to tell her that he’s giving up the habit. That small, but no less proud or bright, smile that spread across her face, he decided, was something he wanted to see again.

Slowly, he started talking more, and on good days, the two made conversation on topics ranging from classes to their favorite books all the way to whatever shenanigans Sean or Jessica was getting into. On other days, on bad days, the silence was never awkward, and she simply kept him company as he struggled to control the storm in his mind.

Those were the days his fingers itched for a cigarette, and those were the days she introduced to him a new book that he would finish within the day. The next day at school, they would once again be stuck in an in-depth conversation about the characters’ flaws and the absurdities of the antagonists, and the itch would be gone.

And it went on like this, even after he threw all caution and his doubts to the wind and asked her out on the first day of their senior year, even as they faced the townspeople’s questions about why such a good girl like Haley Brooks was dating someone of the likes of Aaron Hotchner, who, despite being so coldly brilliant, was just that.

Cold.

Dangerously unfeeling.

Barely human.

But she had seen behind the facade and she knew that he loved with the fierce burning of a thousand suns. She knew how terrified he was of losing everything, that he would be left alone and floundering in a world that was not kind to the lost.

So she stayed, through college, as she went into teaching and him into law, as the final straw came and went and he registered for the Academy and started training, breaking records along the way before finally being assigned to Seattle and quickly climbed his way up the ranks until he caught David Rossi’s keen eye and transferred back to Virginia for the BAU.

Every night, Hotch came home to his wife, the light of his life, and was reminded of why he was working himself to the bone. That day, when he came home a month after Boston for Haley to press a simple rectangular box into his hands, the stakes were raised once again, and he knew he had to fight twice as hard.

Not only for his team, the people he protected so fiercely under that steel mask, but for his son.

Early mornings and late nights became the norm as he threw himself into more and more work, and slowly, the unit began to recover as Spencer Reid and Jennifer Jareau joined the expanding unit, as Gideon returned as a senior agent, and as Elle Greenaway was pulled from Seattle just like he was all those years ago.

Then Jack was born, and he used his accrued vacation time to finally take a month off. Never had he been more terrified than in the moment he first held his son in the delivery room, acutely aware of his tiny size and sheer vulnerability to the dangers of the world.

That night, sleeping in the hospital bed with an exhausted Haley and their child in his arms, he swore to do whatever he could to make the world safer for his family.

His world.

So he tried. He tried and he tried, forcing himself to leave when cases that required their presence in the field came in, forcing himself to take on the heaviest burdens of the job so his team might be protected and his family would be safe.

Maybe a part of him was trying to get him to stop in his tracks and look up, to take a moment so he could clearly see that he was being consumed by the chase.

Maybe if he was strong enough, he could have lifted the weight of his world just enough to change the direction he was going.

But he was scared.

Scared that the moment he looked up, the moment he let go, he would lose everything he was defending.

And so he did not stop—not as Elle was shot in one place she had a right to feel safe in, not as Elle resigned and prevented him from making a terrible choice, not at Reid was suffering in a hell that could only be created by the lure of potent drugs, not as the unit was once again put under scrutiny because of her and Gideon’s actions.

Not even as he was forgetting important appointments, as he was struggling to be present for the important events and early milestones in his son’s life.

Not until he was suspended for two weeks because of the vow he made to himself the moment he stepped into the leadership position to protect the team to the best of his ability.

He stopped, looked up, and put in for a transfer.

But it was too late.

(It's true the earth must die But then the earth comes back to life And the sun just goes on rising)

(I’ve had enough)

The divorce did nothing to lessen the weight on his shoulders or the utter terror he felt at the prospect of stopping.

As more and more cases started piling on his desk, he kept his back bent and head down for hours as he pushed himself to the brink with a mental image of the smile that had not dimmed for twenty years and of the only proof of his humanity at the forefront of his mind.

Every day, he bent lower and lower, but he never let himself crumble, forcing himself to remain Atlas as Kate fell and Morgan nearly followed in New York, Reid and Prentiss in Colorado—

—as JJ and Will brought their first child into the world and he promised to protect her as best as he could so she would not make the same mistakes he did—

—as he wrangled politicians and major corporations in the aftermath of him fulfilling the promise he made to Megan Kane—

—as he called in favor after favor to get to the Vatican so Prentiss could get justice for her friends—

—as he compartmentalized as best he could when he found out about the anthrax attack at a public park he knew Haley and Jack frequented whenever they visit her parents’ house and when Reid got infected—

Then the Reaper returned after ten years of silence and ten years of being a silent spectator in Hotch’s nightmares to become an active participant in his night terrors for months.

But the night Hotch returned to his apartment with the intent of pulling out a glass of scotch and staying on his couch with a book, those dreams that left him nearly paralyzed with fear every night became his reality.

That night, as his team was sleeping in their beds, dead to the world while he was slowly bleeding out from nine stab wounds and floating in and out of consciousness in his own apartment, he only felt fear—fear for the team, fear for Haley, fear for his son.

He faded into unconsciousness with the expectation that that was it, that his hubris finally caught up to him.

Less than twenty-four hours later, Hotch was staring at the dried streak of red on the photo of his whole world and wondering if he had made his way into hell without realizing it.

When Haley and Jack visited him in the hospital, he could barely look at their faces, not wanting the scared and confused expressions they wore to be the last memory he might have of the two people whose lives he sought to protect in throwing himself into work but ended up putting in danger.

Then they were walking away, and he felt his walls slowly building themselves back up to a height and with fortifications that he had not needed since he last wore them in his youth to protect himself against the people in his hometown who had treated him with suspicion and derision.

The months following the day his world was ripped from his weakened grip was its own brand of hell, and more than once he wished he had been less of a coward and let himself look up from his chase.

Soon he was stepping down and ignoring all reason as he threw himself back into work yet again, wearing a facade that his teenage self would have been proud of while desperately trying to fulfill the promise he made Haley, that he would spend the rest of his life making everything up to her.

But of course, life has a funny way of reminding people of the promises they made and the important lessons they have learned at the worst times.

Suddenly, the sound of three gunshots was ripping through his head.

Suddenly, he was forcing himself to look away from Haley’s body, strewn on the floor like a doll with its strings cut, forcing himself to keep it together so he could clear the room.

Suddenly, he was straddling George Foyet and unleashing upon him years of pent-up hurt and anger that he had never allowed himself to feel in favor of remaining strong for the people he loved so fiercely.

Do not break and do not allow yourself to bleed where others can see, for there are always sharks waiting to tear you apart.

Nothing is certain. Even the strongest, the smartest, the most experienced, can fail. Do not fall victim to your own hubris, for it will be your undoing.

Death awaits everyone. It takes without mercy or regard for the lives left behind.

That day, Hotch was reminded of all three statements that he swore to live by after Boston.

Foyet was witness to his unraveling and poked and prodded at him, so much so that he uncovered the rage he inherited from his father and had vowed long ago to never express.

His hubris, his confidence in assumptions that had been made so many times in the past, his confidence that denying the deal that had been offered to him just over a year ago was the right thing to do, cut the threads of over ten people far too early.

Haley was lost to him.

Forever.

But in the years afterward, as Hotch found himself stuck in his head and mentally removed from the team’s present more and more often, he wondered if that was actually the moment that he lost her.

Perhaps the time he had to fly out to Mexico on his birthday weekend was the start and the stress of his suspension the catalyst.

Was he simply too destructive and too desperate to have a happy ending? Was anyone closely associating with him doomed to fall along with him?

Why else was his mother spared from bruising when she was able to focus on raising Sean, a son whose looks did not remind his father of the sheer hatred he felt for himself?

Why else had his brother, who he was estranged from, done so well in life and remained so carefree?

For what other reason could Haley have been murdered than the fact that she was collateral damage in a psychopathic narcissist’s dream to cause him as much pain as possible?

For a short time, Haley’s murder had given Hotch a chance to look up, to free himself from all the responsibilities he had taken on, but it ultimately only served to increase his fear and paranoia. The team had seen the tail end of his unraveling in that house, and he knew it had shaken them to the core, so the walls remained up. Strangers in the street were unsubs, and he was never far away from a weapon if he could help it, always fearing that he would be too late to be of any help.

Four years to the day he locked himself away, he was seeing Haley smiling radiantly at him and wearing the same dress she was wearing when he proposed as she waved him over to sit next to her in an empty movie theater and he was struggling to articulate her beauty.

The large screen in front of them was playing scenes from his life in the years since she was stolen from this life. While her eyes were glued to the projection of his memories, he was left unable to tear his eyes away from her, the woman who had been such an integral part of his life, whose death he would probably never forgive himself for, whose presence in his world he had so desperately missed.

Then he was looking down from the screen when their moment was interrupted by the man who had become a permanent fixture in his night terrors and surprising himself with just how prepared he was to kill again to protect Haley like he had failed to do years ago. It was only Haley’s repeated assurances that finally got him to look back up at the screen, and in the next moment, he was once again experiencing his nightmares in real-time.

His voice cracked as he tried calling out for help, becoming more and more desperate as it became clear no one was coming, and then—

You’re not meant to.

They were suddenly standing face to face in that dark corner of the school where they first met. Hotch froze, rooted to the spot by the uncharacteristically cold expression on Haley’s face.

Where is he?

It wasn’t right, the hard tone, the way she was looking at him as if he were a stranger—

I don’t see Aaron Hotchner in front of me. Where is he?

Then her face softened, and she walked over to sit against the wall, uncaring of the dirt that was gathering on her dress. She stared at him pointedly until he made his way over to her and joined her on the ground. It was with great surprise that he felt her lean onto him, a long-forgotten and now unfamiliar warmth settling over him.

I want to tell you a story.

She told him the story behind an old song, the story about the queen who brought spring and summer with her every time she walked the earth and the king who ruled the shades and the underworld. And though the king loved his queen so desperately, every time she walked the earth while he remained in the underworld, he doubted that she would come back to him, for what could he offer her except his darkness?

So he worked and he threw himself into building a kingdom of metal and glaring bright lights that might compensate for his darkness, but he could not bring himself to look up for fear that he would lose everything the moment he stopped. In his fear, he kept his head low and his back bending, he locked his love away so it wouldn’t be a distraction.

(But what he didn’t know is that what he is defending was already gone.)

When Hotch found himself on the edge of a roof being held against Peter Lewis, who had a gun at his temple, facing the team’s desperate and fearful faces, he could only think about that story Haley had told him and the questions she had sent towards him right before he woke up in the hospital four years prior.

(Where is the treasure inside of your chest? Where is your pleasure? Where is your youth? Where is the man with his arms outstretched to the woman he loves with nothing to lose?)

That was the first time he could remember crying in front of Jack—when the two were clinging to each other in the hospital bed after yet another close call—and he resolved it wouldn’t be the last. It hurt to tear down the walls he had so meticulously built around himself over the course of nearly five decades, but to see the smile that his son inherited from Haley…

He could only lament that he hadn’t started earlier.

Slowly, he rebuilt his world, and it was filled with a warmth that hadn’t been since those golden years between first meeting Haley and becoming a prosecutor.

But then Peter Lewis came and turned his mind against him, forcing him to watch his nightmares come to life. And when he found himself at MPD’s gunpoint with Jack watching, his world cracked.

And in that interrogation room, watching the recording of Lewis’s testimony against him, his world cracked again.

And seeing his son’s withdrawn affect, trying to get him to understand that he wasn’t leaving, that he wouldn’t ever abandon him of his own free will—

Then they were called to Arizona and he found his name carved into a victim’s forehead, and he knew it was only a matter of time before the attacks would become more and more personal.

Favors were called in, calls were made, and all the while Hotch tried to keep Jack as ignorant as possible to the way his world was going up in flames around him. For a moment, it felt like the immediate aftermath of Boston, with all of the non-stop workdays and the scrutiny of the brass falling onto him and the struggle to balance his work and Jack—

And then one day, Jack disappeared in the middle of the school day.

A day later, Rossi and Luke were holding him back, trying to keep him away from the security checkpoint at the entrance of the Academy office buildings that had been taped off as a crime scene. His eyes caught a sudden movement, and all the fight left him when he saw the white sheet being unfolded and lowered over the small body that was on the gurney.

Maybe he was supposed to be more grief-stricken than he felt.

Maybe that’s why the team tip-toed around him in the months afterward—they were waiting for the sand to run out, for the inevitable breakdown that was expected from a man such as him.

And the sand did run out, only it wasn’t where any of them expected.

The cold metal digging into his temple provided him an odd moment of clarity as he thought about the questions he had asked himself—because that wasn’t Haley, she never looked at him with such cruelty, not even when he probably deserved it, it was always that voice in the back of his head, the voice that led him down the road to hell.

That treasure that he kept in his chest—it was buried in the ground with Haley and Jack.

His pleasure, his youth, it was left behind in his past with that first strike he felt from his father.

A smile spread across his face for the first time in months and he closed his eyes, a strange peacefulness settling deep in his bones. He flung himself backward, letting himself become dead weight as he suddenly heard shouts of horror through the sound of the wind rushing around him and Peter Lewis as they fell.

Didn’t you tell me to find the man who was reaching out with nothing to lose?

I found him.

I hope you and Jack waited for me, Haley.

[sweater-daddiesdumbdork]

Love and Hate

Summary- 2.7k Mike Weiss x You. Another hotel, another fight, and another making up. Maybe you were just a much an addict as he was. It only seems okay, if you two are fighting with one another. Warnings- Drug Use and Fucking one another. Smut. Messed up and unhealthy relationship. Written for @donutloverxo​ @optimistic-dinosaur-nacho​ and @captain-a-rogerss​ 3rd week challenge- song fics. Choice I used was Eminem (cause I love the bastard) and Rhianna’s, Love The Way You Lie. 

A/N- I love the dysfunctional relationships, the ones that just are self destructive toxic messes. I doubt Mike could ever truly be in a healthy one, although maybe some day in fanfics. I can't claim to know accurately what certain drugs will do, so when reading this, its simply my interpretation. Don't expect the highs and lows to be accurate.   

“So he never had any intention of fixing those trucks, he sent them with broken pipes, claiming to now know they had busted pumps.” Mike snorted clearing his nasal passage, as the coke flooded his mind with an endorphin rush. It was almost as good as sex with you was for him. Almost. What was better? Was if you were here with him. He missed you, but you didn’t approve of this. This process helped him think. His name might come after - Danziger, but he could see the process almost as it was unfolding before him much clearer than his partner, especially when he was at his peak, right now. The only way to make it better,  if you were here. You baby was his ultimate weakness.

The people he wrangled into the room, the dealer neighbors, and crack whores he called to his hotel room, mainly hoping to score those couple grams, willingly share with them. All sitting there with there stick-it notes to there shirts, it finely clicked in there slightly slower minds. There oohs and aahs, the sick fuck statements that filled the room left him nodding in agreement. “Guilty… he’s guilty.” 

The fire chief is not the only one guilty, Mike, oh he burned you over and over, that was how you described it every late-night you came searching for him. I’m at friends, working with Paul, got a trial I’m working. That was how he described it. Just like how he described it tonight on the phone to you. And yet, when you pulled in, the upper room door wide open to see Mikes silhouette bent over the table, and then he reared back his head, bouncing like a boxer might, his nose scrunching up. 

You’re just gonna stand there and watch me burn. 

Mike never heard you slam the car door, or go up the steps, nor did he notice you standing in the doorway till one of the dealers said something. “You looking to join the party sweetheart?” 

Mike spun around to take you in, just as you did with him. You could see it, the way his body was thrumming from the drugs. The intense high that left him jittery, with tense muscles, his biceps straining, the veins in his neck standing at attention, and his face, he took in every bit of information, filing it away in case it was necessary for another time. How had he explained it to you? Oh yes, he was hyper fixated on all details, he was smarter, faster, stronger when he was high. 

It was the crash though that would leave him half dead, so many times you had found him on the verge, but never quite crashed. 

That was just a man playing a dangerous game. It was just a matter of time. 

“No, I’m fucking not looking to join.” You snarled as you entered the room, and Mike took a step forward, trying immediately to appease you. 

“Baby, It’s just for work.” 

“Shut it, Mike, all of you, get the hell out.” 

The girls, the ones you could only begin to guess what they were here for, started bitching immediately. “Hey, we don’t know who you are lady, but we brought the goods, and we’re not leaving till were paid.” 

Your voice might have got shrill when you grabbed your purse off your shoulder and Mike tried to stop you with “Baby, come on, stop, they don’t know any better.” You ripping your purse open and yanking out all the cash you had, your anger now uncontrolled. Throwing those bills at the girl’s faces. “There! Now your fucking paid!” Mike’s hands grasped your arms to prevent you from throwing anything else, the group behind you started to band together, getting mad. The tension in the air between you and the people behind him leaving Mike the barrier. The drugged high barrier protecting each other from one another. 

“Get out! Get out! GET OUT!” You’re now screaming, and Mike looks over his shoulder, his grasp on you so tight it would bruise your forearms. You don’t notice though. Not at this point, You rarely do. 

You like the way it hurts. 

“Get out guys, I got her.” Your rage turned towards Mike, the anger seething just at him now, He got you… Did he get you? 

“Yeah man, she’s killing the vibe.” One of the others said, and Mike pushed you into a corner of the room while your screaming at him, the people passing the two of you, and the door closing with a sharp slam. Leaving the two of you alone. 

“Y/N! Stop it! Fuck, calm down!” Mike yelled right back in your face and you wrench your arm from his hold, slapping him in the face. 

“Let me go.” 

Mikes eyes snap at you, slamming you back into the wall hard enough so your head bounces off the cheap hooker motel, the one you knew he was dipping into the savings to pay for, along with the lines of powder smearing across the nightstand on each side of the bed, and god knows what else was scattered around this room. 

Mike, god he tried to make you understand, it was the only way he could work, that he could keep the thoughts straight. He loved you, so much that it was painful in its own messed up way, one that he lived for. 

Right now it felt like a steel knife was being held to his windpipe, he couldn’t breathe. The way your anger edged on hate, hate, and love was such a fine line he danced on for you. 

Sometimes you were just such a fucking bitch to him, blaming him for all the wrong in your lives. Sometimes you brought him so fucking high, it was a drug all on its own. 

High on his life for you, but drunk on his hate at the same time. 

Mike twisted you onto the bed, dropping you down, and caged you in as he straddled your, biting kisses on your lips and pining your hands above your head, growling into your mouth. “Why you always give me a hard time Woman? It was nothing, Nothing.” 

“Then why you hiding here and not in our home?” His kisses just fueling the hate simmering in your chest, even though your body pressed into him for more. Pulling his head back enough to glare down at you, still, lines of white dust were streaked across his nose, and he bared his teeth at you. 

“Cause I know you hate me for this.” 

He wasn’t lying, you did. Fuck you loved him and hated him at the same time, and it was a constant war within’ yourself. You shake your head with conviction, no no no. He caught your jaw in a hand, fingers digging into your cheeks, probably leave bruises there to. 

“I love the way you lie.” 

Then in a flurry of tugging clothes, the quick demands Mike had on you matched his passion he had discussing his case earlier. He needed you, needed to feel you clenching around him as he debated that he deserved it. Taking whatever he wanted. 

You couldn’t keep up with Mike, your body just moved where his hands pulled you apart, shoving down of your pants gave him access to your cunt, long fingers making you weak underneath him, as well as him mouth, your wrists released enough to grab onto his suspenders, dragging him back to your mouth. 

Maybe you were inhibiting him, catching that coke and whiskey taste lacing his tongue, dirty and filthy, wherever he was through the day filling you to, and his grunts plunged into you just as much as his fingering you was doing. Pulling you apart, he was always pulling you apart and leaving you in pieces. He jerked you in place, hitting against the headboard, making you cuss at him. 

“Shut up Y/N, you’re fine,” Mike said through hissing words against your neck, and your fingers scratch at his back, and grab onto his belt, pulling it, working to the front to start unbuckling it while Mike is yanking on your shirt, knocking your hands loose to lose it over your head, falling back over you to keep you scattered, unable to walk that line you followed. The one where you loved and hated him. There was a rolling of both, you loved to hate him. 

There was venom in your words you spit at him, even now as he was making you thrust on his fingers, stroking your clenching walls, your arousal slicking you ready for him to break you into the mattress, jerking his fingers from you and bringing them to his mouth, pulling away from breasts he left scattered in bites and sucked on his fingers. 

“You always taste best this way.” He groaned and you ran your hands over your face, so fucking on edge from this evening events and him, that your body was still humming to be pushed over the edge. Mike worked his belt open, opening his pants with a yank and the force snapped a suspender lose, giving him enough room now to free himself from his confines. Throbbing and angry to fuck you. 

“Mike, just fuck me already, would you?!”  He slapped at your ass and grasping it, pulling you onto him and wrapping an arm around you to keep you where he needed you. Pounding into you, just as you predicted, this time he was unhinged. Still high, still wound. What started as pain soon was a pleasure and once more you were lost to Mike. 

“Fuck, fuck fuck fuck, right there.” You whined to him, scrambling to match his movements, but there was no way, you just let yourself get railed over and over till you were arching under him, fingers clutching at the hair at the back of his head. “Don’t you dare fucking stop Mike.” 

You two punished each other, push and pull at each other’s hair, scratch and claw at each other, bite at one another till teeth sink claiming into flesh. Screaming into his tense shoulder when he hit your sweet spot, over and over again, trying your best not to give him what he wanted. Cause that was all this was, his way of seeking that satisfying high once more, the one that the drugs couldn’t give him. 

Maybe this was your high? Fuck if you knew. 

Whatever it was destroying you. It destroyed you once more when you came for him. But damn it all to hell if it didn’t give you your own high, in this cheap hooker motel, clutching your destructive man to your body like he was the very air you breath while your eyes rolled back, and your jaw went slack, that look of triumph coming from Mike pissing you off in that second, but then he matched your expression, you both falling, falling into pleasured oblivion. 

Fuck you hated him and loved him, you thought as he smothered you, gasping into his neck as his arms circled around you, keeping you in against him. Mike knew he couldn’t loose you, you were probably the only thing keeping him alive still. Better then any upper and downer he could ever divulge in. Better then any bottle of alcohol he could consume. Better then any hooker he could fuck. 

You were it for him. All your loathing hate and passionate love were what kept him alive. As long as you come back for him, fought against him, loved him. Only you two could live so destructively together, tearing each other apart, and putting one another back together.

Light streamed through the heavy nicotine stained curtains as Mike’s phone screamed in the early morning, making him push off you where he passed out the night before and roll to the edge of the messed up bed. Running a hand through his hair, he dug into his pants pockets, half held up with a remaining suspender and yanked out his phone. 

“Shit, I’m due in court.” He started yanking clothes on, occasionally rubbing at his face in a distracted manner while you groan, and roll in the bed to see his back, head lowered against his hand to try and dispel the pain that came with the after-effects. Pulling up, you take the undone suspender and lope it over his shoulder which he grasped and reattached it to the front of his pants, and looked over his shoulder. 

“Yesterday is over Y/N, today is a different day.” Mike stated while moving to a stand, grabbing his brightly colored shirt and snapping it straight, dropping the straps from his shoulders to put the shirt on. “I will change, I promise. Last time.” 

You move to a stand to take over buttoning his shirt, his fingers shaking to much. Lack of coffee he would normally tell you. Today he didn’t even bother with that lie. So many were spewing from him already. Yours were steady, one at a time fitting them through the holds as you went up, till you reached the end and flipped his collar. 

“Whatever you say, Mike.” You glance around and pick up his tie, fitting that around his neck as well, and looping it around till it sat perfectly against his chest. He grabbed at the back of your neck and tilted your head to look up at him. “I fucking mean it this time Y/N. I’m sorry, okay.” How much truth did he have in those crystal blues? None, none at all. And that was okay. You were just as fucked up as he was cause his chaos kept you alive. Kept you coming back. 

“Okay Mike, I believe you. Go… You have court, and I will see you tonight at home.” Leaning up to place a kiss on his lips, your hands lifted to brush through his hair to fix it. “Go.” 

Grabbing the last of his things, and shoes, he was out the door, leaving you to gather whatever was left and abandon the night before behind. 

In the coming weeks, it seemed to change. His habits became bearable after withdrawals. The first time you experienced them, they scared the hell out of you. Now, now you were familiar with them. Hours to days, days to weeks, Mike woke up with you and went to sleep with you every night, he became an attentive gentle lover, and you two seemed happy. 

It was all wrong. Both of you pretending this way, a happy life. It wouldn’t last, it never did. He hated it, the way his eyes wouldn’t look at you anymore, but skating over you, your fake laugh over the dinner table at a joke he made, making him grind his teeth. Maybe just one last time? He loved you and hated you, he couldn’t ever leave you. But maybe it could be more bearable. Bring back your anger to feed off, feel something good again. He picked up his cell phone and made that call. 

“Yea, how much? That’s good, that’s fine. You be over in an hour? I will have your cash.” 

You wanted him better, healed, himself. But at this point, you didn’t know who was Mike really. You’ve always known him in all his other stages, and this one, he seemed so… fake. Even you were faking your way through the days to show him support. How wrong were you, to miss that destructive piece of shit that made you so mad you wanted to sink into nothingness. Which is what he was able to do for you too. Pulling up to your house, lost in your thoughts and feeling yourself suffocating as you went up the steps, and opening the door, there Mike was, and that pit in your stomach collapsed into the fire, trickling up your spine. Now, this… seeing him humming before you, his words running together to whomever the dealer was, his whole body rigid in excitement. 

This was the Mike you knew, had missed, loved, and hated all at once. Maybe you were just as self-destructive as him. But oh baby, were you ever ready to crash and burn with him. 

Mike swung around, and cursed, preparing for what was to come. 

How fucking much did he miss this? Since the last time. 

Both of you destroying each other in the worst of ways. 

Just gonna stand there and watch me burn

But that's alright, because I like the way it hurts

Just gonna stand there and hear me cry

But that's alright, because I love the way you lie

I love the way you lie

I love the way you lie

[thessaliah]

The reunion with someone you love,  thanking someone who was unrewarded,  saving of the pitiful who cry for help: universal themes in events and their connection to Roman and Olga

Benienma's charming New Year event ended and there were lots of good moments. Specially for Fionn fans who finally got their favorite to take the spotlight. Fionn is in Ireland, the equivalent of King Arthur, just like Cu Chulainn is the equivalent of Herakles, so the way FGO has handled him was horrible so far but he came around in this event and got impressive feats on his own. But I won't talk about Fionn, others have done before this. When this event dropped years ago, I and a lot of japanese players felt certain uncanny emotional parallel with Beni's old man and Mash's situation with Roman. A man who never knew happiness for themselves and always thought about the happiness of others, cloaking themselves in big lies, misunderstood alive but grieved in death. Who still died smiling because others were saved and happy, yet still they want to thank them and set things right, even if it's an impossible wish.

Mash is the one who speaks up, while she doesn’t overtly voice her parallel, we know it exists.

If I am to only fulfill my role between larger gears, There isn’t much to worry over, If “only” is good enough.

I’d like to try living, in the time I was granted. I don’t fight to suffer, Just like you said. Please, let the gentle rain fall upon me, upon our will. When I depart, I’d like for you to quietly see me off.

When I was done crying, I could no longer hear your voice. That’s how you urge me on, I see, telling me that there’s no road back.

I was born into this world to live. There is no other definite reason. I don’t need a mission or a meaning. I will live! I don’t want to Let my memories with you end in sorrow. Just like you said, The conclusion can be repainted, always.

Cut for length.

This is the song for her mental and emotional state after what she lost at the end of part 1 (Roman). It’s called Blank Space, it shows that, like Benienma, she’s continued her duty for the chance to see Roman again. This post isn’t about Roman, but also about Olga, since the prologue of Part 2 there are two heavy losses that weight Mash’s heart (also the player but Mash’s more vocal about it): first is her guilt of being unable to save Olgamarie (which was discussed and was the reason they went to save Goredolf) and the other is her sorrow with the separation with Roman whom she didn’t even properly thank for everything he did for her (was hinted how she is comforted by his room in Missions before being tore apart from it in the prologue where she had a breakdown and refused to leave). Events in FGO sometimes don’t exist in isolation, they connect to major plot arcs: Ooku continues CCC and is about the major plot of the Beasts, for example, Oniland and Christmas 2020 with Karna supply dragon lore which surely will be important in Britain Lostbelt or when Arthur confronts the Beast of Revelations. Plenty of events to build the Greek Pantheon and characters. As such, there are these small emotional catharses of events that are sometimes connected to the main characters (Mash and Guda) own desires and wishes. The desire of Guda meeting the one(s) he loved and lost again is ever-present, even in interludes:

(Abigail interlude)

The person singled out for this is always Roman. Aphrodite's song illusion in Guda's heart led toward Roman and is a mere possibility he was around (even without a blank without body, even without understanding what he's saying) what broke in Guda's defenses. It was always when they gave in about the doctor when the loop was allowed to continue. It was also the source of strength to break out of this. Because Guda can't face Roman unless they are proud of their answer and path, in death or life, they can't thematically meet again (exceptional events aside) until Guda is satisfied with their actions. Events sometimes feature this Roman-loss theme, or rather about being reunited with someone you separate from and lost what is the conclusion of one's journey: Sitonai reunites with that Berserker in Oniland, Beni with the old man, and there's that movie singularity that was all about a man who was misunderstood and made a villain by people who after his death realised their mistake and understood he loved his foster daughter's future and would protect it with his life. Mash was personally touched by that  script (so was Roman, who was included by Nasu changing the original novel that was going to be published, to help the cast reshoot the movie for Mash's sake) and wanted to ensure to preserve it, the end of the movie is the daughter living well while the father is watching over, apparently alive, but with a different appearance who one day might meet his daughter again.

The other point of emotional struggle is to help or save those who pitifully want to be saved. While the reunion is nearly always involving a man (sometimes a father figure or someone who was a guardian), the saving part is almost always about a girl, usually, a girl who is doing evil actions and needs to be put down for the sake of others but Guda and Mash (if she’s around) refuse. Imaginary Scramble features two of them: "Gogh" (Clytie) and  Yang Guifei.  The Olga factor goes tacit in all but the male exception, Goredolf was a man, but the Olga connection was brought up explicitly in his case. This plot-line might have started with Ereshkigal Christmas event and Salem (on that note, Abigail's search and longing for her dead friend also connect and echos with Guda's losses). This started after part 1, because during Observer, those who were twisted or darkened or made villains were disposed of instead of saved (Ushiwakamaru in Babylonia for example, or all the Servants affected by madness in Orleans). Because it was not important during part 1, but it is for part 2.

(in a nonsubtle way).

IMO, the Greek Lostbelt was also a climax to voice what Mash’s (and Guda’s) wants. Mash finally breaks out and says she wants to meet Roman again and thank him for everything after the Person of Chaldea appears. They aren't speculating about his identity or his warnings, rather they are emotional about how he can't be the Doctor because his eyes are different and wish to meet him again in an emotional My Room scene. Olympus was for Olga, after U Olgamarie appears and they are left confused by her actions, that is Olga but she's their enemy, a Beast, but still they want to help her. Because that's always been one of their biggest regrets. Greek Lostbelt kicks the course of their personal emotional catharsis arc: Olga is there, but she's an enemy; an ally who resembles Roman appears but he's not their doctor. Man of Chaldea and U-Olga have the same function: to be different kinds of emotional hurdles Mash and Guda face, aside from their role in the plot (obviously they are more important than just angsty plot devices). So it begins their personal goal: meet Roman again, save Olga. Atlantis and Olympus also have a little of both. Olympus with that dream which had an emphasis Guda's feelings toward Roman, among all their losses, while Atlantis with the subplot of Corday and the nanomachines (which the priestess witnessed).

To wrap up, this is merely tangential, but this scene was translated at last, so I might give context to those who don't know it:

This weaver is "Miss Crane", who appears in Waltz in the Moonlight Lostroom, a special game released on anniversary with the plot by Nasu. Just to show how tied is Roman's story and Benienma's event narrative. The doctor created the Moonlight Room, that became a harmless singularity that exists linking past and future, similar to the Inn. Crane manages it by his request and one of Crane's goal is to reward him, even with the little she could do for him. Roman gets the broadcast of the Ball Crane arranged for him in the game’s ending. This foreshadowing that leads back to Roman was included in the same chapter Beni tells us her backstory and her wish to thank and meet that man again. And she did, in the very end, as a personal reward for her efforts, and his.

(Fate/Grand Order is a story of many meetings and departures, and meetings again).

Note that because I interpret that Mash’s and Guda’s emotional catharsis arc require: needing to help Olga (to exercise their regrets), and meeting Roman in the end (as reward), it doesn’t mean that Olga or Roman will be alive or playable in the end. Olga could sacrifice herself as Corday or Ophelia did after being saved (her choice is going to be important, because it seems build up for her to finally make a stand she wants), Roman can be met in a death-state or in the Lostroom/Moonlight room as connection of past and future. It’s just that those things needed to happen for the emotional closure and they have had a built up before the Greek Lostbelt.

[thestupidhelmet]

Hey there, can you pls help a fellow writer? Here's the thing: I've been writing T70S fanfic for a while, and I feel that I'm managing to keep the characters in character, writing dialogue and their thoughts is easy for me now, but I'm having a whole lot of trouble with their body language.

For instance, when Jackie's really happy or excited about something, she claps her hands enthusiastically, smiles and gives those small adorable jumps. I've seen her doing that on the show and I try to bring that to my stories, but I'm having trouble writing her body language in other situations.

And that's a problem I'm having with all the characters. Like, I know Kelso and Eric both tend to gesticulate a lot with their hands when they're excited about something, but I don't know how to write them when they're scared, or sad, etc. Does that even make sense?

Anyways, I have no trouble writing about the character's feelings, I do have trouble when they need to express their feelings with something other than words, usually, their body language.

I want to give each character their own unique way to express themselves through their body. Like, Hyde and Eric, for example, will behave differently when they're like, really happy or really sad.

Hyde is not the type of guy that claps when he's really excited about something, he's a chill guy and he's the one I struggle the most to write when he's experiencing a strong emotion.

What I mean to ask is: can you give me some tips? I'm really struggling with this. Sorry if this was way too long, I don't even know if this ask made sense to you, but... well, I just could really use some help.

Hi! For my own T7S stories, I’ve made specific choices for the characters’ (emotional) body language based on my understanding / interpretation of who they are, and you can do the same. You’ve obviously observed quite a bit from the actors’ performances from the show, but I’ll describe body language you might not have spotted.

Jackie

She displays a variety of behaviors when she’s sad or upset, depending on what lies underneath her sadness. It also changes depending on her life experiences (basically, how many times her heart has been broken and by whom). You’ll find some commonalities in her body language when she’s upset, however.

When she feels hopeless or is grieving, she stays relatively still, sitting in one spot. She’ll hug a pillow or pick at a stuffed animal’s ear until her feelings overwhelm her. Then she’ll full-out cry while continuing to stay in one spot and picking at whatever she’s grabbed for comfort. See “Ski Trip” (1x13).

As she experiences more heartbreak, her stillness remains when she’s upset. She’ll stare off into the distance while crying. But unlike in “Ski Trip,” she sometimes cries silently. See “Kelso’s Serenade” (2x21).

When she’s depressed, she loses affect in her voice. Her movements are slower. See “Jackie Moves On” (2x22).

When she’s fighting to be understood -- whether she’s angry or sad or wanting desperately for someone to do something specific  -- she becomes animated. She makes pleading gestures with her hands. She’ll also place her hand on her heart.

When she’s fighting for her life -- her emotional life / happiness -- she’ll let snot run down her face while trying to get the other person to understand her needs. See “Don’t Lie to Me” (7x12).

When frustrated, she’ll slap her leg, slam a door after leaving a room, or even kick or pinch the other person. (No! Bad, Jackie!) See “Nobody’s Fault but Mine” (5x23) and “The Immigrant Song” (5x24).

When annoyed or disgusted, she’ll grunt or lean her head back -- or do both at once. With Eric, she’s also sneered. (Too many examples exist to list a specific episode.)

When she’s trying to coax someone to doing what she wants, she’ll do a subtle shoulder shimmy (which I bet she picked up from her mom). She’s done this with Hyde and, I think, Donna. See “Kelso’s Serenade” (2x21) for an example with Hyde.

When she has a sudden idea she thinks is important, she’ll gasp and put her hand on Donna, Kelso, or Hyde’s knee (depending on whom she’s talking to).

Jackie will rub a person’s knee or arm as an expression of emotional support. She’ll also lean her temple against a friend’s (or lovers) when she’s feeling affectionate toward them.

Honestly, I could keep on listing body language for her. But you can find it yourself by watching the episodes. Find an episode where Jackie experiences a specific emotion you’re looking to write into your own story and see how it’s portrayed. This advice stands for the rest of the characters, but I’ll list some body language for them, too.

Kelso

When he’s scared, he closes in on himself physically, trying to make himself a small as possible. He also shakes while doing this. Or he’ll scream. Or he’ll shove someone -- even a person he supposedly loves -- out of the way to get himself to safety. He’ll also find someplace to hide if he feels it’s necessary, usually under a pierce of furniture.

When he’s sad, he’ll cry. Sometimes he’ll hug something with sentimental value to his chest, like a photograph while crying. Or he’ll rip apart something symbolic of how he’s feeling, like a cookie shaped heart.

If feelings of anger or loneliness are mixed into his sadness, he’ll sometimes cry but it’s less forceful. He’ll slump to the couch.

If he feels particularly betrayed, he won’t look at the person who hurt him while in that person’s presence, even if they’re talking to each other.

When anger and betrayal mix, he’ll get physically violent -- usually, but not always, to his own detriment. He’ll run into a screen door then yank it off its hinges. He’ll shoot someone with a BB gun, etc.

When he’s confused, he often stares blankly with a strange expression on his face.

Eric

When he’s scared, the pitch of his voice rises. He’ll swallow more. Sometimes he stutters. He’ll fidget. He’ll look from side to side. He becomes hypervigilant of his surroundings.

Eric often expresses his anger either directly or passive-aggressively. When direct, he’ll shout his feelings and thoughts or speak them at a louder volume than normal. He’s not particularly cruel in what he says.

When passive-aggressive, he’ll smirk smugly while or after making a sharp insult. He’ll rest his hands on his hips or hook his hand / thumbs in his pants pockets in between gesturing. He’ll also laugh smugly while sticking out his tongue then blow a raspberry. This last sequence of behavior seems to be one he and Hyde share, so maybe one of them picked it up from the other while growing up.

If frustration is mixed with his anger, he’ll shout and shove furniture around.

When feeling a particularly overwhelming emotion, whether pleasant or unpleasant, he tends to get on the hood of the Vista Cruiser and look up at the sky. If deeply upset, he might cry silently and slam his fist onto the car’s hood. See “The Promise Ring” (3x25).

After making a devastating choice he believes is right but breaks his heart, he’ll shove his hands in his pockets, look down at the floor or his shoes, and stay quiet. See “Love, Wisconsin Style” (4x27).

The quality of Eric’s voice often reveals a lot about his emotional state. He’ll speak really quietly, not whispering, but as if trying not to scare away a doe when delivering bad news.

Fez

Fez is relatively open and direct with his emotional expression. When he’s sad, he cries. When he’s angry, he shouts. When he’s hurt-angry, he might cry-shout. When he’s happy, he might sing a song and/or do a little dance. Or he’ll hug and kiss his friends (male and female) when he’s grateful.

He’s generally not afraid to speak his mind. If his feelings are particularly intense, he’ll demonstrate his emotional state with a physical display (e.g., ”You dump Fez? I dump fries! There’s your scene!”)

When he’s scared, however, he sometimes pulls in emotionally to protect himself. He won’t speak his mind. Or he’ll clasp his hand in prayer, look up, and ask God for help or answers. He might disregard another person’s boundaries to feel safer (see “Ski Trip” when he’s cold). On the opposite end of the spectrum, he can become obsessive (e.g., calling Eric at three in the morning to ask if they’re still friends).

Fez tends to keep his hands on his hips a lot, regardless of what he’s feeling at any given moment. It’s one of his characterizing personality quirks.

Donna

When she’s angry, she can yell her feelings or an insult (or both). Or completely swallow her anger and talk / act as if she’s fine. She’ll stomp away after an argument, whether up a flight of stairs or to her yard. In season 3, she also takes on a quality of becoming emotionally distant and dismissive, which is reflected in her body language by maintaining a physical distance while looking the other person squarely in the eye.

When she’s sad, she’s doesn’t tend to cry. She’ll talk about what’s upsetting her with emotion in her voice. She’ll gesture with her hands or bite her thumbnail. If she’s discussing her feelings with Eric, she’ll hug him.

When she’s depressed, her posture slumps.

When she’s terrified or feeling betrayed, that’s when she’ll cry. She might reach out to the other person (Eric) with her hand.

Donna tends to act out and/or become self-destructive when she’s feels powerless. Her body language gains a swagger (her walk, her facial expressions, her tone of voice).

If she’s happy, she’ll gesture in excitement with both hands. She smiles and laughs, too, while explaining what’s made her happy. 

Donna will hug friends and family to show emotional support.

Hyde

Hyde does not like people knowing how he’s feeling at any given moment, whether it’s happy, angry, sad, etc. But he does express emotion through body language.

When he’s nervous and he’s sitting, his leg might bounce or his foot will shake. More often, though, he’ll cross his arms over his chest protectively. This latter behavior is true for many of his emotions.

He’ll pace when he’s conflicted. Or stand still and pinch the bridge of his nose while considering all the variables of his internal conflict. He’s very careful when speaking or purposely revealing his (emotional) truth, and he might take a few breaths before actually saying it aloud. 

He’ll also pace and scratch the back of his head he’s antsy or edgy.

Generally, though, he tries hard to suppress his feelings. This often makes him stand stiffly with his arms dangling still at his sides.

When he’s amused, he doesn’t hide it. He’ll chuckle or laugh. If he’s very amused, he’ll laugh hard and press his hands against his stomach. If he’s laughing that hard with a friend, he’ll hold onto that friend for support while lowering his head.

He’s rarely happy, but with Jackie he is. His joy beams out of him like sunlight. See his private moment with Jackie at the start of “Magic Bus” (6x03) and the circle scene with Jackie in “I’m A Boy” (6x08) for examples.

He’ll hug his male friends when they’ve been gone for months or they’re about to leave for a long time. He’ll also hug Kitty and Red when he feels happy for or grateful to them.

That being said, he doesn’t like when people hug him spontaneously. Depending on who’s doing the hugging, he’ll either shove them off angrily (Kelso, Fez, and Eric), endure the hug until he figures out how to make it stop (Kitty), or even panic a little (Roy). Hyde has to be the initiator or co-initiator of the hug. He likely feels trapped and out of control otherwise, which makes sense considering the physical abuse he experienced from his mom.

He’ll clasp or sling his arm around a friend’s shoulder in camaraderie or support.

If you’d like more advice about showing character emotion through body language, I recommend The Emotion Thesaurus: A Writer's Guide To Character Expression by Becca Puglisi and Angela Ackerman.

I hope this post helps! :D

[gryfon-spanish-werewolf]

Uuh dunno if you would like this prompt : Anna and Elsa as a mythical creatures.

Would love too see what you will write them as ^^

@like-redhead-probably I sat thinking about this ask for a long time, because while I IMMEDIATELY thought of one for Elsa, Anna’s absolutely eluded me. And I know you were probably looking for a story, but I am unable to stop myself from first EXPLAINING my choices xD

I was already thinking about the myth of the Hulder (or huldra if we’re speaking of the creature in general instead of the specific Norwegian myth) for other story-related reasons, and as I did more research, I felt like the Hulder REALLY shared similarities with Elsa.

Generally speaking the huldra is a Scandinavian myth of a pale skinned, blonde or brown haired, attractive young woman who lives in the wilderness, often luring men away with song or dance to be killed or misled, stuck wandering forever. Sometimes she’s connected strongly to water, and instead of making men lost, she drowns them. Sometimes she is described as similar to an elf or fey-like creature, with characteristics related to other Huldufolk (we’ll get to them later) such as living in a parallel world, or a world Underground, and therefore preferring caves or appearing and disappearing suddenly. Sometimes she is depicted as having a hollow back, or a cow’s tail, which she hides out of embarrassment or to conceal her true identity. Which… how cute is that?

Before the 11th century, the myths were focussed more around the Huldufolk, which literally means “Hidden Folk”. There are lots of stories as to why and how the Huldufolk came to exist, but for the purpose of Elsa I think it most appropriate to look at the Christianization of the myths. Why?:

Frozen and Frozen 2 are modern movies made by an American company and Christianity is nigh untanglable with American culture, they take place in ~1840s Norway, F1 has a dedicated place of Christian congregation depicted in said movie, an official royal crowning overseen by a Christian faith leader, and the adaptation of Frozen generally comes from author Hans Christian Anderson and therefore should take his life and society into account, etc.

The Christianized myth says that one day Eve was washing her children (presumably after Cain, Abel, and Seth) in the river, when she heard God approaching. Ashamed that He would see her kids unclean, she hid the half she wasn’t done bathing, and when God asked, “Where are the other children?” Eve claimed that she had all of them present, indicating the clean ones. This gave God pause, but in the end He said, “Then let all that is Hidden, remain Hidden.” The children that Eve lied about became the Huldufolk, unable to live among humans. These people would eventually become characterized as dwarves, elves, fairies, etc., as time and interpretations rolled on, the huldra being just one of many mythical “species”.

So. Who is Elsa? She’s a:

fictional, blonde-haired, blue-eyed, fair-skinned young woman who led thousands of men wlw to wander helplessly into the dark caves and wildlands of social media with a power ballad and a jaw-dropping transformation sequence

Okay I’m joking… mostly…

In fact my interest in choosing the Hulder for Elsa lies purely outside of any romantic or sexual appeal, especially since Elsa as a character exhibits next to 0 romantic or sexual interest across two whole movies and an additional two shorts. Indeed, there’s a reason people headcanon her as either asexual, aromantic, or both! No, the reasons I chose the Hulder are:

Elsa’s name

Her upbringing

Her duty as queen, and

Her general behavior, specifically in regards to Frozen 1, as Frozen 2 Elsa is, at times, an almost completely different character

Elsa’s name was chosen very specifically by the filmmakers because it means “God is my Oath”. Oaths are binding, heavy, and invoke the maker’s or subject’s actions and personhood in the future. In Elsa’s case specifically, it invokes divine witness: perfect for a queen, someone born to rule. A promise to be fair, to uphold, to protect, to lead, to be a dignified and honorable face for the country. And Elsa was so ready to be that… except for the powers of course. Or at least, when they became something other than a magical gift of wonder and joy. When they became dangerous. Then there comes another oath, spoken to powerful creatures of magic, the Trolls, and born from parental fear: “She can learn to control it.”

Binding, heavy, invoking of Elsa’s future. As she grows, Elsa becomes closed off, quiet, hiding in her own home. She still takes her duties seriously, but now that she has been Other’d, taught to hide herself and her curse, she is just as much shadow as person. To young Anna, Elsa must have been almost ghostlike, disappearing right when Anna thought she’d cornered her, only to reappear sometime later down the hall, out of arm’s reach.

God promised Adam and Eve that their children would inherit the earth, even after leaving the Garden of Eden. Then suddenly that changed, due to Eve’s fear and shame of her unwashed children, and some would now inherit Underground, or somewhere else entirely. The lost children of Eve had become Other’d, needing to hide, disappear, and resort to inhuman tactics just to exist. Maybe they’re jealous, maybe they're just tricksters. But it’s not their fault. And it wasn’t Elsa’s either. Another reason they are similar.

Now, it’s not all doom and gloom for the Hulder, or for Elsa. While the Hulder is generally known for her more chaotic and negative attributes - just like our favorite snow queen, there’s a light at the end of the tunnel. There are a few myths that say burning a charcoal fire -instead of a coal or gas one- is most pleasing to the Hulder, that she’ll even watch over it during the night, and wake the sleepers in case something happens. If a traveler leaves supplies behind with a note or offering for the Hulder, they will travel safely. In fact, some people leave caches for her, as though to cater to specific requests. Coming across the Hulder by chance can have a multitude of outcomes, but if an astute observer spots her cow tail and mentions it, she may become shy and run away. Don’t mention the empty back though, that’s almost certain death.

Basically my point is… trade out the word “traveler” for the name “Anna” and we can draw all the similarities we want. Anna did all of those things, in a way. Anna gave Elsa a little gift of their favorite snowman every Christmas. Anna knocked on Elsa’s door and spoke to her, treated her kindly despite the distance between them, literal and metaphorical. It’s not hard to imagine that Anna left little notes around the castle, hoping Elsa would find them, read them, and know that Anna still loved her, still missed her. And, well, hopefully Anna wasn’t setting any fires and falling asleep next to them - but Anna always kept a light on for Elsa, in her heart. And it flickered and wavered sometimes, but it was a strong fire most days. And we know Elsa was always drawn to it, drawn to Anna because she loved her right back. Loved her first, even. And because it was a warmth that pleased Elsa, she tended it, quietly, carefully, warmly. Like putting a blanket over an Anna that had fallen asleep in the painting room, refusing that slice of chocolate cake so Anna could have two desserts, and listening, for hours and hours, days and days, for the sound of Anna’s glorious bonfire-like soul outside her bedroom door. Even when her secret was revealed, Elsa believed that the best way to protect Anna’s life, her flame, was to distance herself, running to a secret, special place all her own - much like the Hulder might run away back to the Underground.

And this last part’s just me, but I’d like to think that if the Hulder was treated kindly, respected, and given dignity, maybe it wouldn’t be so bad if someone came across her accidentally. That instead of being instantly drowned, or the Hulder becoming sheepish and attempting to run, it would feel recognized. It could be called by name. And instead of feeling the need to hide it’s Otherness, it could be treated as part of it, and cared for just the same. I don’t even need to be subtle here: Anna called Elsa by Name, really saw her, and reframed her darkness into light. Anna hasn’t fought God yet, but she did walk through hell and back for a sister that everyone else saw as a threat, monster, and sorcerer. A category 9 Other. Too bad for them, Anna’s got a Category 10 heart.

Speaking of. We finally got to Anna.

Anna was difficult to pin down because to me, Anna is so very, very human. That’s what makes her special! Yes, yes, you could throw any mythical creature at Anna and the fun part would be trying to make it work within her personality and characterization BUT since the question was Anna AS a mythical creature, that changes the game! The word ‘creature’ itself tends to conjure something distinctly INhuman. So I…. tried, and cheated maybe a little. Because I picked for Anna the Norse Valkyrie.

Most people know what Valkyries are so this one takes significantly less explaining. Valkyries are women that are warriors, shieldmaidens, and the hands of Odin, and they choose who lives and who dies during battle. Their chosen dead ride with them to Valhalla, while those they choose to live are usually granted honors in life. There are the darker sides of Valkyries that paint them as blood hungry maidens waiting on the sidelines before a war, singing the names of who will die with glee… but generally speaking the version of Valkyries that most people know and admire today are accurate! And thank goodness because attempting to depict Anna the other way would probably give me an ulcer.

Anna, much like the Valkyries, is a woman of valor and strength, who is perceptive, guides others, sees into people’s hearts and reveals their goodness. Valkyries are also warriors of prowess themselves, and Anna in Frozen 2 with that ice sword? We all know she was ready to use that for real. She also exemplifies traits that Valkyries both look for and have! Bravery in the face of danger: hello Marshmallow, Elsa’s own blizzard, Hans’ lethal sword strike, LIVING MOUNTAINS, and a damn collapsing.... dam. She also defends those who cannot do it themselves: saying publicly that, “My sister is not a monster… she was scared, she didn’t mean any of this,” even if that cast suspicion or doubt on herself, and the crown, as a whole. Anna knew and believed in Elsa, despite all the years and heartbreak and anger. Despite the impossible magic that literally just happened before her very eyes. Belief in character, despite appearances. And once they were reunited, Anna made every effort to stay by Elsa’s side because she STILL had that faith in her. Anna’s name means “Grace” or “of Grace”, and damn if she didn’t extend that to the person others found most unworthy, even to Elsa herself. Valkyries see what others don’t, and their decisions are final.

[Deep breath] SO! You asked for Anna and Elsa as mythical creatures. You got… a small academic paper, by social media standards xD. I intend to write a little piece about a Valkyrie who encounters the Hulder on the edges of a battlefield and… realizes she never made a choice about this particular woman. And wonders why she can’t ;). BUT I didn’t wanna leave you hanging any longer. Hope you like my choices!

Oh also, nobody asked, but Kristoff is a werebear. No research required

[kob131]

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wCnynO7H3Do

Vexed has however decided to speak on Ironwood. ... Guess how that goes.

“Ironwood is such a cartoon villain! Look at how he is framed!”

This would mean a little more than jackshit to me if this was real or at least not coming a RWBY watcher since the latter would be all about manipulative editing and the later I might believe wouldn’t need to be handheld through a basic scene but not only is Ironwood a fictional character in a fictional show where you’re trying to invoke emotions in the audience: The RWBY fandom can’t analyze a scene worth shit unless someone walks on screen and literally explains everything. And Vexed himself is such a manipulatve liar that he’s even LESS trustworthy.

Not to mention I’ve seen footage of Hitler’s speeches and the responses- you can go a few levels deeper in reality itself. Not really that cartoonish to me.

“They thought they made him a villain at the end of Volume 7 but failed miserably!”

A. Judging from the reactions and how Ironwood’s defenders were half made up of people who’d side with anything they think is the opposite of what the writers’ intended- I’d say they did the job perfectly fine.

And B. This is exactly what I was talking about. The fact that someone didn’t roll out a fucking flowchart of his character you immediately started interpreting Ironwood’s downfall as a failure to make him a villain. You literally took basic ambiguity necessary for good writing and twisted it to make things look bad.

You’re the fucking reason why RWBY is blunter than a stoner’s cigarette. 

“They ACCIDENTALLY made him compelling!”

... You do know the commentary you are quoting doesn’t say ‘we tried to make Ironwood not compelling’ in any form right? All they’re saying is ‘we wanted to make Ironwood’s descent into villainy understandable and subtle.’ In fact, the writer’s job is suppose to be about making the villain compelling so they likely INTENDED on it.

... You mixed up ‘compelling’ and ‘sympathetic’ didn’t you? That either means you don’t know what those words mean or you have an incredibly narrow view of villains.

Also I gotta love that ‘Oh, he was only making hard choices and yet he’s a VILLAIN?!’. Not only does it ignore that villains are made by their choices, bad things can happen due to good choices and that it’d be thematic SUICIDE to portray Ironwood as in the right while kicking the more moral Ozpin for his actions- 

It also showcases you’re just a salty Ironwood fanboy. You didn’t consider how he got here as a character or what makes sense for what he represents- You got pissed your headcanons of a character was contradicted so you pitch a fit. I know this because you pulled this shit with WEISS before.

“Isn’t it strange that Salem was used to set up Ironwood’s ultimatium?”

No. Ironwood’s flaws as a character have always been centered around his reaction to Salem’s existence. He acts unilaterially when he believes Salem is close by, his paranoia flares up when Salem is concerned, his stubbornness is the result of glorifying Salem as this nigh unstoppable evil that must be stopped at any cost.

Of course he’s at his lowest when Salem is there: this once in the background ultimate evil is now making public moves, everything is stacked against him and he sees other people’s ways as having failed. Why wouldn’t he dig in his heels when faced with such a situation considering his character?

“I’ll be doing a video on Salem at the end of this Volume-”

And I know it’ll be as much of a failure as all the others. You could literally release a video of you saying ‘RWBY bad’ for ten minutes sand get the same reaction.

“Let’s focus on James, who was the best character in the show-”

Subjective and shows your bias AGAIN.

“Who was the focal point of Volume 7-”

A. That’s actually more him and Ruby but you aren’t the type to pay attention.

And B. You are now acknowledging the existence of his actions in Volume 7. You cannot try to say his descent wasn’t explored unless it’s admission you didn’t understand Volume 7.

“The man who hasn’t done much of anything in the first half of this Volume-”

That is such bullshit I don’t even know where to start?

He caused the events of Volume 8 to play out. He contacted Penny, setting up her own doubts about her decision, he used Watts to make the virus that setup the climax, he denies the heroes access to resources thus preventing them from attacking Salem, he puts them on edge from his orders to arrest preventing the heroes from openly acting-

He’s pulling as much weight as RUBY here and I’m honestly insulted.

“The man who is now just a crazy cartoon villain.”

You know, this reminds me of a comment I saw once. It was about Persona 5′s villains and how everyone said they were cartoon villains too. ... I then proceeded to point out how each one was actually pretty realistic when you actually look at reality.

Kamoshida? Replace ‘Gym school teacher’ to ‘Rich man’ and you have Jeffry Epstein. (Who didn’t commit suicide)

Madrame? *jabs at RT*

Okumura? He was based on real life Japanese business tycoons and their actions.

Shido? Literally every US politician.

Same applies here, but even worse. Ironwood descended from a high perch due to very serious circumstances, doing all this in a misguided attempt to protect people. A certain senile President did similarly shady shit...to protect himself.

You can’t call ‘cartoon villain’ to a man more understandable than REAL PEOPLE.

“Make a decision- Mantle dies or Mantle dies! HOW STUPID!”

Completely ignoring how they believe they can still save Mantle...and Ironwood is using that to try and force their hand.

Literally anyone who tries to be manipulative does that. And again, I understand him better than...well, everyone who HAS tried that.

“I would have respected him more if he just blew up Mantle-”

So kill the tone of the show, the main conflict of the past two Volumes AND his characterization as a pragmatist?

Someone check Vexed’s foot and make sure it’s still there: he’s shot it so many times now.

“Explain to me why he won’t just let Mantle evacuate?”

He’s incredibly stubborn, mentally scarred and physiologically compromised? AKA his CHARACTER?

“IRONWOOD ISN’T THINKING! RWBY BAD!”

It’s the fucking INTENT to show he isn’t thinking. All you’re doing is proving the writers’ competence at this point.

“Ruby should have just said Penny was in Mantle-”

To the guy whose immensely unstable at this point, saying ‘Hey, my only bargaining chip is in that place you don’t care about where you can possibly get the chip by killing Penny and finding who has the Maiden powers now!’?

Sounds like you’re the one missing more than half a brain.

“PLAN FAILED!”

Yes, your plan did fail because My IQ isn’t in the negatives.

“I love how the writers thinking that Ironwood acknowledging he’s slow-”

... You took a look at this scene, with him looking like that, with that music, with the context of his character, with the question of his character, with Winter’s look at him...

And came to THAT conclusion?

... Yeah we’re done here. I’m not giving any more effort. I’ve clearly given a Herculean amount of it compared to Vexed.

I’ll end this with a quote from one of my favorite Bad Religion songs:

Life is the crummiest book I ever read There isn't a hook, just a lot of cheap shots Pictures to shock and characters an amateur

Would never dream up

Sometimes truth is stranger than fiction