#sometimes I’ll read things some people post and just think. that did not fucking happen

[louisarmpits]

.

[jolapeno]

i wasn’t sure if I wanted to say something or not. but, I saw the post that @moonlitbirdie did here with the addition from @tonysopranosrobe and I guess it inspired me to be a little braver with my honesty.

because at the end of the day, this is my blog? it’s my thing I’ve taken and nurtured, and watered and made my own.

so lemme start with I’m aware it is humanly impossible to be everyone’s cup of tea, and I do not expect to be. but before the last week or so, I’d naively thought that if I wasn’t, those people would bow out politely from my life/space.

but that blog showed me that isn’t the case, and that sucked.

there are far more adjectives and words I’d love to say to describe my feelings on that blog and that situation. to describe the hurt and the sadness I’ve felt, not just for the words said about me but about moots, friends and others I see in the community I love being in. but I think I would never stop talking and we all have lives.

so I’ll get to the point of what this is.

normally, I wouldn’t address things publicly, but this time I want to put my foot down, to say a few things.

I might seem more confident in recc’ing myself, but that isn’t because I was faking it before. instead, it’s because I have good people in my life, and good friends who I might not have had before taking the time to let me hold some space in my life. who have reminded me that it’s okay to toot my fucking horn sometimes, and it doesn’t make me a bad person even if it feels bad.

they remind me that it’s okay to celebrate with cake when I finish a series I’ve worked really, really hard on. and those same good people are also ones who politely and virtually slap me when I begin talking shit on myself, who have helped me begin to forge a better relationship with the warring voices in my head—the writer who wishes to write and the girl with no self esteem who wishes to crawl into a ball each time she posts.

next, I know for some, it may have seemed like I was okay. that the normal posting on here was it running off my back like water. but it wasn’t. it was hard to come into a space where it felt like people hated me, and where people would send in asks about other people I’m friends with or care for or know. because even if it’s only a few asks, it feels like more, because I don’t know who is screenshotting and agreeing with it. and once you begin tumbling down that thought-cliff there’s no stopping you.

again, I’m aware I’m not perfect. i make mistakes, I try to learn from them, and I do not expect to be everyone’s fave person. but anon hate is not a thing I’d wish even on the people I personally dislike, and I’ve had it on and off pre that blog appearing. I’ve deleted and deleted, blocked and reported, and then that blog came and then it was out there, and I could do nothing. I just had to stare and read it, had to hope that people knew who I was.

and look, I say none of this for sympathy, but more an acknowledgment that not everything that stands past the ground shaking is stable. that people don’t always know or feel able to ask or share that they’re hurting. and then it’s isolating, it’s dark and it’s fucking lonely.

which is what leads me to my final thing, which is thank you. thank you to every single person who has reached out to check if I’m okay, to offer the option of a vent or a thot, and the ones that have even just sent love hearts. and also thank you to those who have thought about sending something to me or instead disputed or reported that blog.

I know on the post above by birdee and commented on by han mentions about checking in with people, and I just want to echo that point so loud. if you’re unsure what to do it this happens again (maybe not even now - god I hope - or in this fandom, but in the future) from someone who was mentioned, it’s check in.

similar to han (you worded it perfectly and I’m going to butcher it) it validated how shitty I was feeling, it allowed me to feel okay taking space to be mad and to be sad, because someone else was agreeing it was wrong. those things seem easy on the surface until your North Star has gone, until your upside down and topsy turvy. and if you’re reading this and thinking “bit fucking dramatic jo” then I ask you to kindly unfollow me, no hard feelings, or anything.

because in my eyes, anyone would feel a little disconcerted when their hobby doesn’t feel safe or provide the same comfort it did. when your hobby is the thing you look forward to, and then you can’t enjoy it because there’s a thousand thoughts running around and it feels so anxiety provoking. and yeah, I know there will be people who will go “it’s just tumblr” but I’ve been here a while, this isn’t my first rodeo here, and I just never wish for anyone else to feel like this. ever. no one deserves the hobby they love to be tarnished by shadows that shout and spew things, that you can’t fight back against, because you don’t know who they are.

but kind voices eventually break through and smother the unkind ones. they do. they have.

and I know for me, those check ins and messages brought me comfort when I needed it. they helped.

so if you’re unsure what to do, take comfort that a little love does help. it isn’t magic, it doesn’t fix it all, but it does make a difference, and that matters too.

[justmeinadaze]

Ghost in the Machine Part 3 (Eddie X You)

Warnings: Rockstar Dom Daddy Eddie X Sub Stripper Fem reader, SMUT, dirty talk, slight choking, edging, and everything in-between, FLUFF (he genuinely likes her), ANGST, reader sees something in the tabloids that makes her jealous, someone does break into her house and she gets hurt (aftermath mentioned), Eddie talks about his childhood with his abusive dad, Y/N talks about her abuse (mentions of stepdad harassing her and previous domestic abuse).

Eddie texts reader; dialogue in red

Word Count: 6120

When you woke up the next morning, Eddie was already gone. You found a note on your nightstand, however, with some $100 bills wrapped inside. 

Hey sweetheart, 

I swear this won’t be a common thing of you waking up without me next to you after a night together. My agent called and said he needed us so I had to go. I wanted to wake you up to kiss you goodbye but you looked so beautiful I couldn’t do it.

I left you some cash. If it’s not enough just let me know and I can give you more. It occurred to me I actually don’t know how much you make in a night and Gareth ordered the service so…

I’ll call you later to check in. Be careful tonight at work!

Eddie

You grinned as you read his words and grabbed the money he left behind. There was a tugging in the pit of your stomach as you got up and tucked it away in your private safe place. Eddie so far didn’t seem like the other men from the club or houses you had been to. You didn’t mind taking their money because usually they were dirty jerks who only wanted one thing. Eddie seemed to genuinely care about you and it somehow felt wrong taking this from him. 

Sighing, you shoved down that feeling. Like he said, this wasn’t intimate and you weren’t dating him. 

“Think about it like instead of fucking other people, you are just fucking me.”

***

The first month of your arrangement with him was a bit odd. He still hadn’t fucked you nor did he try. For a man that wasn’t keen on being touched, he ran his hands over your naked body constantly.

“You’re really fucking beautiful, you know that?”

“Thank you.”, you smiled as you ran your hands through his hair while he kissed along your tummy.

“You taste amazing to. I’ve never tasted a girl as sweet as you.”

When he finally allowed you to taste him, it was heaven and you promptly floated to cloud 9 as he thrust himself down your throat. 

“Look at you, pretty girl. Drunk off Daddy’s cock. Fuck… that’s it, baby. Just keep your mouth open and let Daddy use you.”

After you two were intimate, he was extremely gentle and kind. Eddie would lay beside you, his hand absently running through your hair as he told you stories about the band and crazy things that had happened on tours. He told you about some of his friends back in Indiana which led you to talking about your friends and some of the girls you had gotten close with in the business. 

Sometimes he would bring over dinner or order something in and you two would curl up together and watch a movie or whatever was on the tv. You absolutely adored the funny side of his personality that always had you laughing. 

The reality of your situation, however, came crashing down while you were scrolling through your phone one evening and an article caught your eye. 

“Guitarist of Corroded Coffin seen out on the town with model! Get all the details here!”

“Is that why he hasn’t fucked me? Is it because he’s seeing someone? He never mentioned having a girlfriend. Who cares?! No, Y/N, no! You can’t be jealous!”

In the picture they posted he seemed annoyed as he tried to block their pictures with his hand. Around her shoulders was a jacket you recognized as his and your heart fell. 

Your phone dinged and his text filled your screen. 

“Hey princess! I’ve been thinking about you all day. When are you free again so we can hang out?”

Your finger hovered over the message as you debated on whether to reply or not. 

“No. I need to shake this feeling first and then I’ll message him. I can’t be jealous. He’s not mine.”

##############

“Hey baby. Haven’t heard from you. I hope you’re alright.”

“Y/N, I’m really worried now. It’s been two days and I know you’re reading my messages. At least let me know if you’re ok.”

“We had an arrangement. You’re supposed to be open with me, Y/N.”

“Don’t play this game with me, little girl. You won’t win.”

That last message came through at two in the morning as you lied in bed wide awake still trying to shake the anger you felt when it came to him and this girl. Eddie had called and texted you so many times and honestly it was killing you to not answer. You missed him. 

“Come on, honey. Shake it off. You’re heading into the snake pit.”

You mentally pump yourself up as you step up to the curtain, preparing to go out on to the stage and dance. 

“Hey baby. Just so you know we changed your song so this next one is a bit slower…sensual. I don’t fucking know.”

“Tommy! You can’t just change my music like that!”

“HEY! This man paid a lot of money asking to see you dance to this specific song so you’ll fucking do it if you want to get paid.”

You grumble at your boss, closing your eyes as you exhale and try to get back into your dancer headspace. As the music begins to play, you feel yourself momentarily knocked out once more as the band you showed Eddie that first night he came over began to play.

“I feel myself go insane I've got a lot I cannot say For too long, I bide my time I'll say I'm fine.”

As you stepped out, the regulars hoot and holler but only one person grabs your attention as he sits at the end of the stage with his arms folded, eyes burning into yours.

“I watch you float on, float on For too long, I've been too fake Pretend to be, all that you need

So tell me the truth, my baby, baby Is it me, is it you?”

Eddie cockily smirks, feeling victory at rattling you after you disappeared on him for a few days. You can’t let him win, sauntering around the stage like you had done a million times but making sure to add extra sways of your hips when your body faces his. You decide to play with him, showing him how strong and confident you really are as you place your back against the pole and sink down slowly onto your heels as you open your legs to him.

His eyelids flutter slightly as your panties barely cover your sex but he quickly regains his composure as he sits up straighter. 

“The image stuck inside my mind Your body trapped in space and time For too long, I dream of you All that you do.”

Smirking, you crawl forward on your hands and knees till you’re right in front of him. God, you missed his smell. You close your eyes as you flip onto to your back and your head hangs over the end, your hair just barely touching his legs as you inhale the mixture of cigarettes and strong cologne. 

“I watch you float on, float on For too long, I contemplate I try to be all that you need.

So tell me the truth, my baby, baby Is it me, is it you?”

Pulling a pack of a cigarettes out of his pocket, you roll on to your stomach as he puts the stick between his teeth. His hands nonchalantly try to search for his lighter but right as your eyes meet, you lift your hand and light the one you saw on the table in front of him. Eddie grins as you bite you bottom lip and he leans towards the flame to light his vice.

As the song comes to an end, you walk off stage as your money is collected and handed to you a few moments later.

“I’m going home, Tommy.”

“Excuse me, you still have one more show to put on.”

“Doc my pay then. I don’t fucking care.” You quickly gather your earnings from the evening and slide on your jeans before heading out the back door where the dancers park. 

“Hey princess.” You jump as Eddie startles you, already reaching for your pepper spray as he chuckles and brings the cigarette in his hands to his lips. “Sorry. I didn’t mean to scare you. Quite frankly, I thought you were dead. I haven’t heard from you in a while.”

“Yeah, I, um, I’ve been kind of busy.”

Eddie laughs again as he takes a few steps closer to you. 

“Didn’t I tell you I hate liars, little girl?”

Obviously, you were lying but for some reason him calling you out on it made you angry. 

“I’m not lying.”

“Oh? What were you busy doing, if I may ask?”

“You may not. I’m not your fucking girlfriend, Mr. Munson. I don’t have to report to you.”

“You’re right you’re not but you are my friend and when you disappeared…I got worried.”

He was being so sincere and to know someone out in the world actually cared if something happened to you made your heart beat faster for him. Taking a few steps closer, his chocolate eyes continued to scan you over as he tried to figure out what you were thinking.

“Aw, poor rockstar is so desperate for companionship he thinks a girl he pays money to fuck is his friend? Oh wait, we do everything but…my fault.”

As he takes his last steps, he tosses his cigarette to the side as his face hovers over yours.

“Is that what this is about? Whore is so needy for my fucking dick she ignores me? We had a deal, little girl. You spend time with me and open up to me; I fucking pay you. I could have any woman I want, Y/N, but I chose you.”

“Well, don’t I feel fucking special. Do you say poetry like that to you girlfriend?”

Eddie’s head tilts to the side as genuine confusion flashes through his eyes. 

“Girlfriend? What girlfriend? Y/N between recording, photoshoots, interviews, and tours I don’t have time for a girlfriend.”

“You manage to make time for that model. What’s her name? Ashley Morris?”

You watch as understanding fully comes crashing down on his face as he exhales heavily through his nose and places his hands on his hips. 

“You said you wouldn’t get jealous.”

“I’m not.”

“STOP…stop lying to me, Y/N.”

“Maybe…maybe it should have just been sex. Spending time with you and talking to you…it’s confusing things… I mean seeing me just then showing my body to everyone…did that not bother you?”

Crossing his arms, he turned his head to glare in any other direction.

“No, it doesn’t.”

“Now who’s fucking lying.”, you growl as you wave him off with your hand and get in your car to go home alone.

############

“Yeah, hello?”, Eddie grumbles as he answers the phone call that just woke him up from a peaceful drunk induced sleep.

“E-Eddie?”

The metalhead sat up in bed when he heard the panic in your voice. 

“Y/N? What’s wrong, sweetheart?”

“Someone broke into my house and tried to steal my stuff. I managed t-to fight them off and the cops are coming but I-I’m scared. Eddie I didn’t know who else to call.”

While you were talking, he scrounged around his room for his sneakers and a shirt. 

“Baby, it’s okay. Everything’s ok. I’ll be there in 10.”

***

When Eddie parked his van, a cop car was already there and your front door was wide open. He sprinted into the house to find you sitting at your dining room table. As soon as you saw him, you got up and wrapped your arms around his waist as he pressed your face to his chest. 

“Ok, Miss Y/L/N, I think we have everything we need here. I would recommend heading to the hospital so they can look you over—”

“No, that won’t be… I have some medical stuff here.”

The officer nods before pausing as his eyes glance over the metalhead. “Holy shit. You’re Eddie Munson from Corroded Coffin! Dude, I am a huge fan. Would you mind signing my notepad here?”

“I would mind. Are you fucking serious? This girl just went through something traumatic and you have the nerve to ask me for my autograph in her kitchen?! Get out of here, man!”, he shouts as he points towards your door. Following behind them, he quickly closes and locks it tight. “Let me look at you, Y/N.”

His rough, calloused hands cup your face as he looks at the small cut along your cheek before his thumbs come down to caress the bruises starting to form on your forearms. 

“He tried to hold me down after I hit him with my bat. They got in a swing before I kicked him in his balls and he ran off.” Your watery eyes met his as you continued. “I’m sorry. Like I said, I didn’t know who to call.”

“Hey. I’m glad you called me. You have no reason to be sorry, honey. Here, go sit in your bed and I’m going to grab some things here.”

Nodding, you do what he says and after a few minutes he reappears with some supplies.

“I’ll call someone for you tomorrow to come by first thing and fix your front window. Turn your head for me, Y/N.” After exposing your cheek, you wince as he cleans your wound. “I know, baby. It fucking sucks.” He becomes silent for a moment as he dutifully continues his task. “When I was a kid, sometimes I would do this for my mom. I would hear her crying in her room after my dad left and I would run in trying to make her feel better.”

Your head swiveled slowly to scan his face as he put down the rag and place the frozen bag of vegetables on your arm, holding it still with his palm. 

“Ashley Morris is a friend, Y/N. She’s not my girlfriend or anything like that. She just broke up with her actual boyfriend and needed someone to vent to. I guess one of the waiters called the tabloids and told them we were there. Ashley may be a model but she’s extremely shy and since she was feeling so vulnerable I gave her my jacket and walked her to her car so she’d feel safe.”

Alternating the bag, he switched it to your other arm and finally lifted his gaze to meet your eyes. 

“I meant what I said. I’m so fucking busy, I don’t have time for a girlfriend but Y/N…I make time for you because I like you. I like spending time with you and talking to you. Did it make me jealous seeing all those creeps eye fucking you? Yeah, a little but when I watched you dance…I realized…you only had eyes for me.” You can’t help but blush at his comment and he smiles at your response. 

“Y/N, if you want to keep our thing here I’m all for it but you can’t disappear like you did. I need you to be open and honest with me. I need you to trust me…and maybe I need to be a bit clearer. I’m not fucking anyone else nor do I want to. You’re MY baby girl and I’m YOUR Daddy, honey.”

Abruptly, you leaned forward to kiss his lips. 

“I’m sorry. I promise I’ll try to be more open.” Eddie nods as he tosses the bag on your end table and starts cleaning up the small mess he made in front of you. “Why haven’t you fucked me yet?”

The metalhead chuckles as he reaches out to brush some of your hair away from your face. 

“I like to take my time especially when it comes to you. You have the most beautiful fucking body I have ever seen, sweetheart, and…”, he pauses for a moment to collect his thoughts. “In the past, I’ve had women fuck me and I never hear from them again. I imagine you’ve experienced the same thing. I want to know you’re all in before I give you what you’re craving.”

“What I’m craving?”, you giggle. “What about you? You’re not craving me just as bad?”

Eddie licks his lips as his grin grows. “Baby, I dream about how amazing it must feel to be inside of you. I jerk off thinking about it. But see the thing is, little one, you seem to need it more than me and the idea of watching you desperately beg for it…just…oh my god.”, he exhales as his eyes playfully roll back. 

You light heartedly push his chest and he tilts towards you to kiss you again. 

“Would you mind staying with me tonight, Daddy?”

##########

You woke up the next morning to the strong smell of bacon coming from your kitchen. 

“Hey, sweetheart! How are you feeling?”

You grin at the sight in front of you as Eddie plates the eggs in the pan and slides it towards you as you take a seat at your table.

“I’m ok…a little sore.”

Gently, he lifts your arms to look at the bruising before leaning down to kiss your lips. 

“We’ll put more ice on these after you eat. I did get your window fixed so you don’t have to worry about that.”, he gestured towards the glass that had previously been broken. 

 “Thank you.”

Eddie hums gently as he nods, taking a seat in front of you to eat breakfast as well. Your eyes watch him as he eats, smiling to yourself as he shovels eggs into his mouth. Right now, he didn’t radiate any kind of energy signaling he made millions of dollars or was famous for anything in any forum. In his black sweats and bare chest, he also didn’t appear to be the kind of man that would get off on being called Daddy. He always seemed to have this confidence surrounding him but in moments like this one he seemed…vulnerable. Maybe you could do the same…

“My dad died when I was a kid.” Eddie’s brown eyes lifted to meet yours when he hears your voice. “It was sudden and threw everyone off especially my mom. She ended up getting remarried to this asshole who wasn’t very fond of me.”

“What makes you say that?”, he asks with a gentle tone.

“Because he kept trying to fuck me and I kept turning him down.” Your tone was much more forceful than you meant it to be but he understood as he nodded to your answer. “I, uh, left as soon as I turned 18. Ran all the way across the country but I still don’t feel like I’m far enough.”

“I can understand that. I come from a small town of people who always saw me as some kind of troublemaker just because my dad was. Even though I’m here and I travel all over the world, I still feel like people see me as the dickhead’s son.”

“I’m sorry.”, you mumble as you throw him a soft smile. 

“Hey.” His beautiful, ring covered hand slides across the wood to cover your own. “Thank you for being open just now.”

The rest of the morning was one of the best that you had had in a long time. You curled back up in bed and watched a movie with him on your laptop. Afterwards, you continued to lay together listening to music taking about trivial things but to him it was everything. Everything that came out of your mouth Eddie absorbed and noted as he continued to mentally study what made you who you were. 

His phone went off a thousand times and every time he ignored it before finally just shutting it down entirely. 

“You can go if you need to.”

“Do you want me to go?”

“No! I mean…no. I just don’t want you to get in trouble.”

Eddie chuckles as he turns onto his side to look down at you as the pads of his fingers trace along the skin of your stomach under your shirt. 

“Naw, I won’t get in trouble. I’m Eddie Munson, remember? They kind of expect this behavior by now.”

“For you to be a bad boy?”, you tease. 

“You like it. Speaking of bad, I still need to punish you for disappearing on me.”

“Oh?”

“Are you feeling up to it?”

Beaming up at him, you tilt your head to quickly kiss his lips. “I can handle anything you got, Daddy.”

Flashing a mischievous tooth filled grin, his fingers glide to the waistband of your panties and gently tugs them down your legs. 

“I want you to keep your hands at your sides, princess. Okay? Don’t move them no matter what.”

“Yes, Daddy.”

His smile grows as he lifts your leg closest to him and places it over his hip eliciting a low mewl as his palm runs down your thigh. 

“Gorgeous girl. I know a lot of people prefer tasting pussy to touching and, don’t get me wrong, babe, I could keep my face between your legs forever but there’s something about being able to feel how wet you are…”

Eddie’s digits effortlessly slip through your folds and your breath hitches when he grazes your clit. Hovering his lips just above your own, two of his large fingers breach you entrance.

“…and how tight you are. Having your little cunt just clench around me as I stretch it open.”

You moan as he begins to move, pumping them inside of you as he watches your face scrunch in pleasure. 

“God, just to be this close to your beautiful face…do my fingers feel good, sweetheart?”

“S-so good, Daddy. Please.”

Eddie’s nose grazes yours before tilting down to kiss your cheek and trailing over to the shell of your ear. 

“Fuck. It just makes me so hard being this close to hear those pretty moans and…” The sound of your arousal filled that room as his rhythm picked up. “…then that whine when I take it all away.” As you felt yourself about to tumble over the edge, he completely stopped moving causing you to loudly whimper in despair. 

“No! No, please.” When he lifted his head again to meet your eyes, they were shimmering with amusement. “Please… I’m sorry.”

“Uh huh. I bet you are.” He began moving his fingers again, slowly building you back up. “Only good girls get to cum. You disappeared on me, Y/N. I was so worried about you.” Your eyes rolled back as your hands desperately clawed at the sheets underneath you. 

Once again, just as the coil was about to snap, he stopped moving, and pulled his fingers out of you to lightly slap between your legs. 

You growled in annoyance, practically throwing a tantrum as you kicked your legs like a child and pushed at his chest with your palms. He grinned down at you for a moment, long enough for you to feel like you had the upper hand before abruptly grabbing your cheeks, forcing you to face him.

“I said keep your arms at your sides no matter what. You keep disobeying and things are only going to get worse.”

You felt the anger rise in your chest. How dare he build you up like that and take away your pleasure!

“Fuck you!”

“Oh. Little girl is angry now, huh?!” He chuckled as your tantrum continued and you huffed. “We can play this game all night if you want, brat. I have no where I would rather be.”

Roughly, he lifted your leg over his hip again and you moaned as he thrust his fingers inside of you. The sudden quick action caused you to try and shift your body away from him but he was faster as grabbed your wrists, holding them above your head as he yanked you back to his side.

“What did I say before about respect, little girl? You will show me the respect I deserve. You can pout all you want but you’re just making things harder on yourself.”

Eddie brought you to the edge once more and yanked you back. He expected you to keep whining but to his slight fascination, your entire body stilled as you turned your head into his chest and began to cry. 

“Y/N, what color are we at, sweetheart?”, he whispered as he lightly kissed your cheek.

“Gr-gr-green, Daddy. I’m sorry. I’m s-s-sorry I disappeared. I just…we said we wouldn’t…get jealous. I didn’t want to reply…until that feeling…was gone.”, you hiccupped. 

Your hips twitched as Eddie softly began rubbing circles into your clit.

“Thank you for being honest with me, honey.” His gentle eyes scanned over your face as you continued to quietly sob in his arms. After what you told him at the table and looking at you now, he had a sudden realization that his normal punishment tactics may not work with you. Technically, it had worked. Him denying you during this punishment got you to tell him what he wanted to hear but he wasn’t sure if you understood why HE had been so upset. 

As he leaned down to kiss your lips, his digits slid back into you as you moaned. Eddie released his grip on your wrists to hold your head as his kisses grew more passionate and he pumped into you faster. Breaking away from him, you panted heavily against his mouth as you felt yourself about to cum. This time, he didn’t stop or pull away. His chocolate-colored eyes locked with your own as you were finally able to tumble off that ledge, your back arching as the coil snapped.

He patiently waited for you to come back down to earth before he spoke again. 

“Sometimes when my father was angry with me, he would ignore me. I always knew the shoe was going to drop hard when he was silent, I just never knew when or how bad. When I didn’t hear from you, my instinct was that you were upset about something but last time I saw you everything was fine. Then I thought because of your line of work…something bad happened to you… I’m not trying to be a clingy asshole or anything like that. I just really care about you, Y/N but you have to remember I’ve also been through some bullshit to.”

Eddie’s thumbs ran under your eyes as he dried your tears and that safe feeling washed over you again as he continued to be gentle. 

“I’m sorry I said I wasn’t your friend. I care about you to. I’ve never met anyone like you before and it scares me a little bit.”

“That fight or flight kicked in?”

“Yeah.”, you beam up at him. “Eddie, I really am sorry.”

Wrapping your arms around his neck, you pull him against you, smiling wider when he rolls on top of you and leans back obnoxiously kiss your neck to your cheeks. 

“Can I make it up to you, Daddy?”

When he nods, you begin to push against his shoulder to turn him on to his back but you’re startled slightly when he stops you. 

“Can I fuck you?”, he whispers as he grinds his hips between your legs.

“Yeah…yes…of course.” Eddie can’t help but chuckle as you stumble over your words. It’s your turn to stop him as he reaches for his wallet to grab a condom. “I’m on the pill. I started when I started doing the service. I’m also clean. The manager at the club pays for us to get that done every other week.” You don’t know why but telling him that embarrasses you making you cover your face with your hands. 

“Hey. Come on. Look at me, sweetheart.”, he coos, smiling when you drop your arms back down.

“Goddamn it. I feel like I’m about to lose my virginity again.”, you giggle. “I just…I’m nervous. I don’t want you to think I’m…dirty.”

“Y/N, you aren’t dirty because of what you do or have had to do to survive. I think you’re beautiful and confident. Fucking amazing. You are a bit of a dork but—ow!” The metalhead laughs through his teeth when you lightly hit his shoulder. “I’m just saying…there’s more to you than your occupation. Just like me. I’m, um, I’m clean to. Honestly, I haven’t had sex in a…couple of months?”

Your eyes playfully widen in surprise and he covers your face with your shirt as he lifts it over your head. 

“Like I told you, people come and go from my life so quickly. Things like this matter to me and…” Eddie pauses as he shuffles out of sweats and boxers. “I don’t let just anyone call me Daddy.”

“So you’re saying I should feel special?”

He grins as he reaches between your bodies, taking hold of his cock, and slides the tip of himself along the inside of your folds, watching your face as it contorts with need. 

“I think you already know how special you are, baby girl. Not a lot of women like you on this planet.”

“Fuck. Please…stop teasing me…”

“What did I say you had to do to get what your craving?”

An exasperated laugh escapes your lips making his smile grow as he grazes his nose against yours. 

“Please, Daddy. I need you to fuck me. I’ve been waiting for so long to feel you inside of me. Please, let me feel you.”

After a quick peck on your lips, he pushes up on his knees, and takes hold of one of your thighs as he gradually begins guiding himself into your entrance.

“Oh, fuck.” Your breath caught in your throat as your mouth fell open. He was genuinely trying to go slow as he pushed in inch by inch but he was so big you still felt full.

“You’re doing so good, baby. We’re almost there. Just keep breathing. Fuck, you feel amazing.” His thumb rubbed gentle circles into your clit causing your eyes to flutter closed as your pussy clenched tighter around him. “Jesus fucking Christ.”

Eddie began doing little thrusts, allowing you to get used to the feel and size of him but your senses were already so overwhelmed with him. All you could see, taste, feel, smell, and hear was Eddie Munson. When he was finally fully sheathed inside of you, you couldn’t help but tear up again. As he leaned forward, your hands gripped his biceps and your legs wrapped around him to keep him as close to you as possible. 

“Color, honey?”

“Green, Daddy. M-Move. Mmm…I need you to…move.”

“I am moving, princess.”

Aggressively, you shook your head preparing to throw another tantrum but Eddie caught on before you could do anything and he placed his fingers around your throat. 

“Don’t be a brat, little girl. You take what I give you. Do you understand?”

“Y-Yes, Daddy.”

Licking his lips, he released you from his hold and softly kissed your cheek down to your ear. You moaned as you felt his cock drag along your tight walls till once again it was just his tip before thrusting himself all the way back inside of you. 

“Is this what you needed, sweetheart?” Your eyes close as your nails trail down his back and he grunts at the sensation as he pumps into you at a steady pace. “Fuck me. Your little pussy is just clinging to me. Tell me how good it feels, baby.”

You heard him, you really did, but the English language seemed like a completely foreign concept to you as his cock kept hitting that spot inside of you that no other man had ever reached before. 

Eddie lifted his head to look at your face, chuckling at the sight.

“Aw. Poor baby can’t handle how good she feels? Come on, baby girl. Open your eyes and talk to Daddy.”

It took what felt like eons for you to command your brain to tell your eyes to open but you were glad when they did when they meet his lust filled yet soft brown ones. 

“My pretty girl.” His tongue danced with yours as he kissed your lips and you mewled loudly against them as he began thrusting his hips faster. 

“Please, I’m gonna…”

You watched as he pushed over on one elbow and spit against the tips of his fingers before reaching down to rapidly massage your bundle of nerves.

Eddie’s intense gaze never left your face as he watched you fall apart. 

“That’s it, honey. Fucking scream so everyone can hear how good Daddy’s making you feel!”

Your nails dig into his hips as the coil snapped. He winced slightly at the pain but it was nothing compared to the pleasurable feeling of your cunt squeezing him as you came. 

“God fucking damn it, Y/N.” He growled he fell back on top of you and chased his high. 

His hips pounded roughly into yours and you clung to him as tightly as you could till you heard him grunt in your ear and felt him release his seed deep inside you.

You were still in your fog as you closed your eyes, listening to the sounds of him roll off the bed and move about your room. You didn’t open them again until you suddenly felt the warmth of water and realized he had made you a bath.

“Are you going to sit in here with me?” Your voice was small so he knew you were still lingering in that headspace as a kindly smiled down at you and bent down on his heels. 

“If that’s what you want.”

“Please?”

Eddie kissed your cheek making you grin as he climbed in behind you and laid against his chest. 

“I just didn’t want to over crowd you or make you uncomfortable.”

“No… I like when you hold me.” 

He continued kissing parts of your body as he helped you get clean. Eddie learned over these past few weeks he loved the way that you hummed when her played with your hair. While you sat together, he ran his fingers through it while massaging your scalp, and sighed pleasantly at the sound. 

“Eddie? I really am sorry for disappearing and making you worry. I told you before I’m not good at this but I swear I am trying.”

“Thank you and I forgive you. Y/N, we’re both still learning each other but I get it. I do. I’m not great at this stuff either believe it or not. I meant what I said back there. I don’t let anyone into my world like this.”

“May I ask how many?”

“One.”

You couldn’t help but giggle but as you turned to look at his face you realized he was being serious. 

“You’ve only had this arrangement with one other girl?”

“Since I became famous, I’ve only had one girlfriend I was serious with.”

“How long were you together?”

“4 years. We were dating for a year before we tried this dynamic. After we broke up, I didn’t feel comfortable showing that side of myself to strangers so any time I was intimate with someone I waited for them to say it first.”

When you nod, he encases you in his arms and kisses your temple.

“What about you?”

“You know I’ve never called anyone Daddy before.”

“No.”, he chuckles. “How many relationships have you had in your adult life?”

“I’ve…had a few here and there but…none I felt comfortable in. I think the longest relationship I’ve had is four months. He was an asshole.”

“How so?” Eddie noticed you fold into yourself slightly and his protective mode immediately kicked in. "Y/N, he never put his hands on you or anything right?”

“He was never physically aggressive but verbally he could cut me in half. He was always so obsessive and possessive. After I left him, he kept showing up at my door begging me to take him back. When I told him no, he tried to come in anyway. Part of the reason I have that bat.”

“Well, if that fucker comes around again you tell me. I’ll take care of him.”

You smile as you kiss his lips before he helps you out of the tub and puts you in some comfy clothes. 

“Are you hungry? I can order us something.”

“Can we…is it ok if we lay down for a little bit.”

After kissing your forehead, he climbs in beside you and you curl up into his side resting your head on his chest. 

“There’s no rush here, Y/N. When you’re with me we can move as slow as you need to.”

############

@mynameismothra @hideoutside @micheledawn1975

[fumifooms]

I think you made me start shipping Marchil

Your posts got me thinking about their dynamic then I wrote a fic that was supposed to be platonic but midway through I realized it could actually be interpreted as romantic too and now I'm just sad about how little time they'll have together

First of all, you have a lovely icon, second, I’m so honored… I finally read Not a bad way to go and it was soo so good like. My god!!! Pre-canon is underused and you did so many interesting things with it.

It sounded like a cruel joke, that the one who needed her concern the most was also the one least interested in it.

^^^ go read it go read it

Chilchuck was drunk enough that he needed to hold onto the walls not to fall, but apparently still sober enough to remember emotional vulnerability was his worst enemy, as he made sure to avert her eyes and said: “Namari made me come talk to you ” to make it clear he wasn't being nice voluntarily.

Yeah.

“Of course I'm scared of dying.” He scoffed. Did she really think so little of him? “But if I could choose, I would want to die doing something I love, like drinking. Or maybe fucking,”

Maybe you wish you didn’t know but my new favorite HC because of this is that Chil dies yes prematurely not of liver failure though but during coitus. Especially if marchil, the thought of him busting a nut and his heart giving out makes me laugh so hard. My god. Lmao. Oh god. Lmfao. Worst day of her life

Marcille knew Chilchuck wasn't a kid, but she often struggled to take him seriously as an adult because he was just so adorable and small. In this moment, however, she saw them exactly for what they were, even if it was just a glimpse. A sheltered, naive little girl trying to tell a tired, much more experienced man how to live the rest of his life.

Standing ovation

She tried to find an explanation to give him, but she couldn't even find one for herself. Why would she miss him? He was just Chilchuck, her coworker, Chilchuck who was cold, aloof, sometimes crass, evasive, and even outright mean. He who was level headed, reliable, trustworthy, perceptive and clever. He who had the least time left, even in a best case scenario. “I guess that despite your best efforts, there's still a lot to like about you.”

This fic goes so hard, standing ovation pt 2

“I just think it's better if we don't get too close. Don't you agree?” “I… maybe” she said, uncertain as he didn't know how to feel about that. Caring about people would only hurt her in the wrong run, she knew that, but unfortunately she couldn't help it.

I looove how they can be read to be similar on this aspect. My hand clenching around my phone as I rear up to rant about Marcille and the way she does keep people at an arm’s length subconsciously again my god my goood. Obsessed with this obsessed with this, underused for marchil. Terrified of loss through death vs rejection duo I love youuu

Brilliant ending I’m in shambles. I’m not gonna spoil it

You get marchil so much you truly do. The way they mesh, the way their views on mortality clash and both soothe & bruise… He doesn’t have much time left even in best case scenario (which Mr I won’t eat well I’ll drink and smoke a lot I’ll stress all day every day is determined to not make happen) which makes it all the more meaningful for Marcille’s arc when she learns from him to finally enjoy the present moments… It’ll only be a fraction of her life, but to him he’s giving her the rest of his life. What are some decades of love worth? Worth it, surely, if nothing else

[tangledinink]

Heya! First off I’m around halfway through teenage mutant what now and it is the funniest fic I have ever read - Beautifully written and overall brilliant but the jokes get me every time

And second, is it okay if I reference a pose from one of your gemini artworks for my own work? I’ll credit the inspiration if I post it anywhere ^^

whew we're overdue for an ask dump,,, OKAY ALRIGHT.

THANK YOU ; w ; I'm really glad you like it hehehehe. also yeah sure feel free! I don't mind! ^^

HEHEHE THIS MAKES ME VERY HAPPY THANK YOU

oh he DEFINITELY freaked out at first. there was a lot of panicking and confusion and "how could this even happen?!" ("you think i'd genetically engineer a creature that's not capable of reproducing? all of you should be genetically compatible with practically any yokai," draxum said. "AND YOU DIDN'T THINK TO, I DUNNO, TELL US THAT?!" donnie said.) but eventually, he did calm down, and he and his partner talked about it (a bunch, multiple times), and eventually some of the panic gave way to... curiosity, first of all... and then maybe kind of excitement? and some fondness? i mean, he was still pretty scared, and sure, he doesn't really consider himself a 'kid' person, but it's not like he never thought about EVENTUALLY having kids, just maybe... not so soon? but. i mean.

well. if they're already cooking...

THANK YOU ; w ; i'm glad you like them! @kiwi-smug-silvalina

oh gosh, that's a good question. i'm not entirely sure... uhmmm... i would say perhaps... details about how gemini!donnie's witchcraft looks and acts, VS how venus's witchcraft looks and acts...

it is very shiny. i like that people call it "the bean" instead of its actual title coz it pisses anish kapoor off.

ah ; w ; THANK YOU SO MUCH,,, thats so sweet and this made me very happy,,, <3 im glad you liked it!!!! @allegedllama

HEHEHE thank you. yes im aware that i am deranged.

omg same hat!!! i was a lifeguard and it was.... uh.... INTERESTING to say the least... (sometimes lovely, sometimes AWFUL...) @datfearlesschick

if by games you mean 'messed up deals that she can manipulate to her own advantage,' then yes! @frogonamelon

@beannary @spectralsleuth @heckitall @livsinpjs and the sep council as a whole!!! y'all's support has definitely meant so much and there's no way i'd have gotten as far with any of my projects as i have without them... or without literally ANY of the people who take the time to do things like reblog with tags, leave commentary in the tags, send in asks about my stories, etc etc etc! that's definitely one of my main motivators to create more!!! <3 thank y'all!

EEEE this made me smile, hehehehe. thank you :3c @thejavavoid

AAAAAA THANK YOU THIS GENUINELY MADE ME SO HAPPY COZ I WAS SO GODDAMN PROUD OF THOSE HANDS AND HOW THEY CAME OUT ; w ; THANK YOU @onejellyfishplease

thank you!!! u w u @fanrulerjynx

THANK YOU ; w ; I REALLY APPRECIATE THIS,,, it made me very very very happy and HEHEHE IM GLAD YOU LIKE YASSIFIED DRAXUM,,, i just think he DESERVES it, y'know? also thats just my favorite way to draw characters lmao I think it's fun so I decided for this comic I just get to indulge...

not necessarily-- this was mostly just a coincidence! @breezehurricane

oh gosh. i'm not sure, but i know it definitely WILL affect their parenting... i think at first donnie will find himself just... deferring to his partner a LOT in almost any situation because he's afraid that he'll fuck it up, because he DOESN'T feel like he understands proper boundaries or what parenting is supposed to look like, etc etc etc, and he's afraid he'll mess up. he probably reads a TON of parenting books as well because RESEARCH and will often try to pull directly from them in any situation he can, and is confused when things don't go exactly the way they were described in the text... leo i think kind of tends to flounder between being overprotective and feeling the desire to protect his son from everything and anything and wanting to overcorrect this tendency by pulling back and trying to give him as much freedom and space as possible, which sometimes leads to some... inconsistencies. there's definitely a learning curve for both of them, but they both get the hang of it eventually. they both have lovely partners and a very loving and supportive family to help them and they'll figure it out with a bit of practice.

ahhh thank you! :D im so delighted that my silly stories actually inspired something for you!!! hell yeah!!! MAKING THINGS IS GREAT!!! THANK YOU!!! @can-elope

i like to imagine them all staying very close, especially coz i'm loosely planning on them all going through the kraang-apocalypse together (and then coming through to the other side!) so i can't imagine them ever drifting too far from each other, emotionally or geographically. there's a bit of a rocky start for a lot of them, but all of the siblings end up a very tight-knit bunch.

[vintageaustin]

take me to church

pairing: king Elvis x reader

warnings: the church, uhm god...? Fathers...?

Listen to Salvatore by Lana when you read it trust me

♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡

`To many many people in your small town you weren’t anything special just the pastor's daughter, but to the young prince who would soon be king. Elvis Presley, you were so so much more. 

 Even though the only times the two of you talked was when he went to the church let’s just say you made his sundays allot easier, but he only really saw you in church or  when your father would be over to give his Father  advice. He just knew there was something special about you. 

you were sweet as honey and your smile could light up a whole room, it was like you were the giggle at a funeral and you were everything a king could want. The only problem was your father, the pastor and the young prince didn’t exactly get along.  

The church used to help his father rule’ their country , but in Elvis' eyes they were taking his fathers power and Trying to shape his future kingdom to their hand.

but when his father finally stepped down it was his turn to rule. the first thing the king without weaknesses as they thought did. was to remove the church and your father as his royal advisors. Which also led to seeing you less and less until you weren’t allowed to see him at all anymore.

but  he’d find his way to face your father and ask for your hand. He did it all and he stood tall. He was the king after all. Sure some days he’d pray for silence and sometimes he’d pray for you. Eventually after a few days he did see you again, maybe he wasn't that much of a believer but if he could see his girl that way. anyone could take him to church.

After months of asking you out you finally agreed to. go out with the young king. And let’s just say it made you feel ecstatic even if your king would just take you on a walk trough his gardens.

He was your king and you were his future queen.  Months passed.. and you guys sneaked around you even spent nights at the castle and because of those nights you. Your little mistake happened and well.. let’s just say.

Atleast Elvis was sure you were gonna be his queen now. 

Even if your father didn’t like it the three of you were having dinner at Elvis his castle. Your father not even noticing the whole plan behind it. Was simply to ask for your hand 

“So the whole reason I invited you over for dinner sir.” Elvis said as he took your hand “is to ask you if I may have your daughter her hand in marriage ” he spoke and your father looked up from his plate and simply said “no.” Both you and Elvis were to stunned to speak and there was an uncomfortable silence until your boyfriend decided to speak up.

“I’m marrying her whether you like it or not”. Elvis said in quite a demanding voice “she’ll be my wife she’ll by my queen!” He spoke even louder. You squeezd his hand and rubbed it with you thumb as your father let out a laugh.

“No. I am NOT marrying my daughter my only daughter of to a selfish king who thinks he’s the prophecy” your father spoke just as loud as demanding. 

Elvis let out a low chuckle. “Well I fucking ought to be if someone is gonna safe this GOD FOR SAKEN country it’s me and I’m gonna do it with your daughter by my side as my wife as me queen!” He yelled which. Made you flinch you weren’t scared of him but you also never saw him act like this. 

Your father shook his head “I said no there’s nothing you could say to me to that shall change my mind and god is my witness” Elvis laughed. And shook his head 

“You forget that… god isn’t king here I am, besides she’s with child” he chuckles dryly “my child…. Now are  you sure you don’t wanna marry her off to me?” He smirked and leaned over kissing your cheek before  he sat back in his chair.’ And al there was now was silence.

♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡

Special tag: @asshlyyyy

so this is the last thing I’m posting for a while..

I need some healing

I lost the most important person I had last night

But I’ll be back goodbye for now 🧡

[cve-th3mvsic]

to anybody and everybody who has a uterus, still gets their period, and uses pads when they’re on their period:

do you ever think you’re like, at the end of your cycle or that your period is done, and you should be done bleeding, (and you’re also js secretly desperately hoping in your mind that you’re done bleeding right now because you’re just so done with it and don’t wanna wear the damn pad anymore), so you decide to not wear a pad/not put on a new one because there wasn’t anything on it before and you’re like almost sure that you should be done, but then later, the next time you use the bathroom, you realize, whoops!! you’re wrong. you are still bleeding, and, just to your luck, you bled through your underwear. and now you’re extra upset because you really hoped that you were done and you really didn’t wanna have to put a pad on, but it bled through and now you have to put a pad on again. and what’s even worse, it didn’t just get on your underwear. it might’ve even gotten on your pants/shorts, or your inner thighs. so now you probably feel gross, and you feel like you have to shower asap.. because who would want to keep the blood on their inner thighs? 

it’s such a disappointment. especially when it’s a lot of blood.

(i don’t mean this in a pissed tf off kind of tone, i’m just bummed out about it. this happened to me today, which is why i’m posting this. i wanna know if anybody else relates)

___

also, i’ve seen lots of people say that apparently, to some people in society, talking about periods/menstruation is considered a weird thing to do. the people that i’ve seen say that have also said that we should normalize talking about periods.

we should 100% normalize talking about it.

we’re fucking humans and it happens to us. we bleed down there. it’s a normal thing for us people with a uterus. hate to break it to ya, but we can’t change that. and ya know, if i could i would. if i could choose to not have a period anymore, i wouldn’t have it. — it should not be weird to talk about periods, or what it’s like having a period. that shouldn’t be considered weird.

like be for real.

the human body is a strange thing (in my opinion), but definitely not strange enough to be something i wouldn’t talk about.

i think that this kind of thing/topic may be something that not many people would have the confidence or guts(?) to talk about .

to the people who may be too scared to talk about the struggles of having a period and what it’s like: i’ll say it for us. i’ll talk about it.

we bleed down there. it’s not very fun. when it starts, it’ll probably get on our underwear if we don’t put a pad on or use some other kind of feminine product to stop it from doing so. (i only use pads, so i dunno what it’s like using a tampon or whatever the other options there are). sometimes, it bleeds through our clothes. like our underwear or shorts/pants. it might be embarrassing if someone sees it, but hey, shit happens. if it does, we shouldn’t be judged for it. it happens, it’s not fun. but it’s not weird.

i mean, honestly, (in a similar scenario), if i peed my pants, hell yah i’d be embarrassed. but dude, i couldn’t get to the bathroom soon enough to go pee and prevent that. yah that sucks, but don’t judge me for it. and don’t compare me to a kid or call me a kid if i pee my pants either. i couldn’t get to the bathroom soon enough to pee, that doesn’t make me a child. i just couldn’t hold it in. big deal. it’s not funny, and it shouldn’t be.

and if you don’t wanna hear about this, cool. you don’t have to.

and ya know, there’s an option of simply scrolling past the post. of simply not reading it. you can ignore this. scroll away. it’s fine. i mean, if you’ve read to here at this point, you did choose to do so.

so if you read this and got uncomfortable, maybe don’t read it. if you’ve become uncomfortable by reading this, maybe you could have not clicked the “Keep reading” button to prevent that.

(i mean, sometimes curiosity kills the cat, but still)

if you did get uncomfortable by reading this, don’t mention it here please. please don’t reply to this post about it. it’d be nice. go talk to someone else about it. i cannot force you to not reply, but i can ask you.

you have your opinions too, and that is 100% okay. we all have opinions. we should be able to share them.

but if they include that you think that the stuff mentioned in this post is weird or gross, please do not reply to this post. i ask you very kindly.

i mean this respectfully, i don’t wanna hear about it. if you disagree with me and what i posted, please go somewhere else to talk about it. i’d rather you not tell me. i cannot stop you, but i’d like you to know that i do not want to hear about your opinion if it is negative. again, respectfully, please go somewhere else to discuss your opinion if you disagree or have a very strong and negative opinion on this.

i do not tolerate any kind of hate. i will not tolerate if you decide to reply to this post, (in any way, whether it’s a reply in the messages thingy or a reblog), with hate or discrimination. if you reply with hateful words or discrimination, you will be blocked. i don’t know if you care about that, but please, take your negative opinion(s) elsewhere. it is not okay to discriminate.

___

[gorgeouslypink]

I read your post about sabotaging yourself and it resonated deeply so I made it clear to myself I am going to enter the void no matter what because I can have anything I desire just by this (I can also do it without void but you get what i mean) so why the fuck not.

After that I laid down on my stomach in starfish position with my blanket on me and began to affirm all the void affs I could remember. (just to mention no I did not meditate to clear my thoughts out, next time i’ll try it though I think it may be helpful for me since I have ADHD.)

If you do happen to post this heres all the ones I remember affirming for some people who do need affs!

list of affs I used.

I am not attached to my body.

I am void.

I am.

Subconscious, take me to the void now.

I detach from reality and enter void.

I enter the void in 2 minutes.

I can no longer hear, feel or see, everything is dark and I am detached.

(i think im gonna shorten it down to just 2-3 affs because I think it’ll help me get into it faster.)

sometimes i caught myself drifting off to sleep and sometimes affirming the opposite of what I was supposed to say because I kept drifting off.

My body felt really really heavy and sluggish and I honestly think I kept drifting off to sleep instead of into the void, because I didn’t feel myself getting pulled up into it but more so like drifting into like drowsiness or so. So I stopped and told myself I’ll just go to sleep and wake up inside the void since I keep drifting off towards it anyways.

I noticed while laying down my hearing kept drifting in and out idk if thats because I was drifting to sleep or what, but I could no longer hear my box fan sometimes but then like something in me kept…idk like kept waking me up from that feeling (which I think is a sign of me entering the void…so i’ll take that into consideration)

When I opened my eyes I felt so sluggish and heavy, but heres the thing. Not one single thought relating to “failure” or “the void doesn’t work” crossed my mind, and instead I felt really good. My body felt sluggish as hell, but my mind felt really gooddd. Like i felt my mind was saturated, and it felt a little heavy (big brain moment😝😝) and my body was just really heavy as well.

Whilst this wasn’t really a void success story this is the most “movement” I’ve ever experienced while entering the void, and I would really like to thank you for giving me that wake up call and telling me to stop being lazy with my life, all I have to do is affirm and persist in that assumption.

I am going to state my name. My name is Noa and I will come back with a success story sometime later on today or tomorrow. because I have made it my intention to enter the void while taking my nap, and nothings going to stop me as long as i assume I will do so and set the intention to do so.

I wondered for a few mins how it would feel to wake up inside the void…because logically u open ur eyes to wake up but I stopped myself and told myself logic does not fucking matter, stop asking questions and just do it.

This is the end of my little ask thingy but expect to see me back sometime later!! 🫶🏿

Aww I'm so proud of you. Even though you didn't enter YET, I know you will! And I'll rmbr your name and await your success story! I'm so glad my post helped 💗

[kafus]

i would super love to hear another cool pokemon story if there's one you wanna share!! literally anything; all your pokemon posts are so interesting and engaging to read ♡ also!!! i hope you're doing well and finding reason to smile each day

ogh THANK U i hope ur doing well as well

one of these days i might run out of stories 😭 BUT i don’t think i’ve talked about the pokemon competition i went to when i was around 8 years old??? and i’ve been thinking about that recently so why not

i’ve talked before about how my interest in pokemon as a young person was defined by loneliness/isolation and how i never really had the social pokemon experience that most people did, so the few times i actually got to interact with other people over the shared interest stick out very strongly in my brain. in particular when i was i Think 8 years old, there used to be a small family-owned video game store in my town (it shut down a long time ago unfortunately, i miss it) and they ran events sometimes. i managed to find out they were running a singles competition in pokemon battle revolution, and my mom actually agreed to taking me

it’s important to keep in mind that i was like 8 and i didn’t know shit about competitive battling. i loved sinnoh and had pokemon i thought were strong but at this time i didn’t even know natures affected stats. i was an inexperienced little girl and i just brought my team of in-game guys that i liked. amusingly i was the only girl there, i just remember walking in and being surrounded by boys LOL both my age and older, like there were some older teens and maaaybe adults idk

anyway all things considered i actually got decently far because competitive mons was much more niche back then and no one knew what they were doing LMAO. i was mostly pitting my in-game mons against other kids’ in-game mons. i knew type matchups by heart and had some pretty decent pokemon to my memory - i don’t remember my entire team but i know i had torterra and articuno at least (articuno was one of my favorite pokemon at the time)

eventually i was… like… idk right before semi finals? i wasn’t quite in the top 4, i think i was in the top 8? i went up against an older boy who actually knew what he was doing and had a genuine competitive team. i’m not sure how old he actually was, at the time anyone above the age of 13 looked like an adult to me lol, i’m guessing in retrospect he was 17 or something. he THOROUGHLY kicked my ass with fucking BLISSEY TOXIC STALL lmao. at the time i was dumbfounded at how his blissey just took no fucking damage and it’s really funny being able to understand what happened in retrospect, i kept bringing my special attackers not being aware of blissey’s extremely lopsided defensive stats.

you’d think i would have been upset about losing but i was moreso really impressed with this guy’s blissey, and then smth i’ll never forget, after i lost he shook my hand and looked at me in the eyes and said that i did a good job and that i should keep playing pokemon because he thinks from the way that i played that i had a lot of potential. i was literally over the moon, it meant so much to be acknowledged with full seriousness by someone so much older than me who also lest we forget literally just beat my ass with toxic stall lol. having my interest in pokemon validated and being told i was good at it just made my entire week. or month. or year tbh.

nowadays that i’m a ribbon master mod and going to my first regionals next month, i think about that guy a lot. perhaps i was a late bloomer but i think whatever he saw in me was real. not that i’m the best pokemon player ever or something, and i’m certainly still learning a lot about vgc in particular, but like. yeah i do really care about this game and i think i have the potential to be good at it. and it was prophesized long agodjdjdk

always be nice to kids cause small gestures like that can stick with someone for the rest of their life tbh

[moonhoures]

📰 𝐈𝐌𝐏𝐎𝐑𝐓𝐀𝐍𝐓 𝐍𝐎𝐓𝐈𝐂𝐄: 𝐔𝐏𝐃𝐀𝐓𝐄𝐒!

literally me rn 👆🏻

anyways, hello my loves! i’m here to give you some updates on where this blog stands and is (hopefully!) going 🤭

first, what the fuck happened? 🫣

it’s been pretty much exactly a year since i dipped from this account (again). i’m sorry about that. i got a little overwhelmed and frankly just didn’t feel motivated or excited to write for a long time. i tried writing a few things (and got a little far tbh) but i just wasn’t satisfied with any of it. i even had a terrible moment or two where i got very close to deleting this account entirely but i decided against it as i’m really proud of some of the things i put out, and i would’ve been really sad to see it go. i also love all of you very much and appreciate everything you guys have done for or said to me, and i would’ve felt really guilty taking this blog away from you guys. so i promise i won’t be doing that any time soon!

second, first love 🥰

i’m sure most of you have seen my teaser for first love part 5 by now (which, yes, will unfortunately be the last part for the series 😓) but!! i have like 1 or 2 small things i plan on posting before hand to keep you guys fed since it won’t be posted for another month or so. i’ve been working on it as much as i can for the past couple months, but i do work basically every day so i can only write so much 🫤 but yeah, that’s how first love is! i’ll explain some more on it when i can!!

third, asks/messages 💬

i’ve gotten so many sweet messages since i went MIA (a little under 40 😭). i’m sorry to keep all of you waiting, but i promise i’ll try to answer them soon! i did get some negative comments about my absence and such, but i won’t be answering any of those publicly. i don’t want to feed into them. i understand i’ve done this multiple times & it’s annoying, and i apologize for that. writing is a big passion of mine (as is interacting with all of you!) but it can get draining running this account sometimes. i’m trying my best, and i appreciate your patience with me. i’m definitely undeserving of it.

fourth, also! ☝🏻

i have decided that from now on i will not be taking requests. as much as i love writing specific stuff that you guys want, it does give me a little anxiety. so i will only be taking very limited requests for drabble games and stuff like that in the future. i hope you guys understand 🫶🏻

i also decided to delete my twitter account (well, it kind of got hacked? i think? idk i had trouble with it and basically can’t get back in and don’t want to create a whole new one) so i wont be answering asks with twitter links anymore for this reason.

fifth, comebacks?! 🤩

i’ve recently tried to catch up on some of the comebacks i missed. txt’s temptation ep, monsta x’s reason ep, enhypen’s dark blood ep, and skz’s 5 star album have been in my rotation lately and i love them!! (duh) so if any of you want to stop by my inbox and fangirl over them with me i’d absolutely love that 🥺👉🏻👈🏻

lastly, a thank you 💌

thanks to all of you that continued to follow me, leave likes/reblogs/comments, and message me while i was gone. you guys truly don’t understand how much your support for me means. like i said, i was close to deleting this account all together, but i decided against it, and it was largely because of you. i decided to keep writing because of you. re-reading all of the precious comments you’ve left me on my older work motivated me and inspired me to continue writing first love which sparked my joy again. so, thank you. i also hope some of you read this and it encourages you to leave love for other writers like myself. you could be the one that changes someone’s entire outlook on their account and keep them going. at the very least, you’ll make their day 💕

also, thank you for 4,000 followers??? um what the fuck??? i’ve never had so many people supporting me, i’m actually losing my marbles rn please help me find them??? (that was such a lame joke, okay i’m going to bed soon 😭🥱 ily bye)

i love you. i love you. i love you. more content is coming soon. promise. 😚💗

[chthonicarcher]

you’ll be interested to know I hadn’t actually read your response to me on AO3 yet at the time of receiving this ask! I haven’t looked at my AO3 inbox at all since you left your original comment, in fact. if you felt bad about whatever you said, you could have just deleted it at any point... (but it doesn’t matter. the entire thread will be deleted soon regardless!)

continued... ->

okay, so first: I do sincerely apologize for replying to your initial comment in anger. because yes, it made me angry! I should have waited until later to reply, when I wasn’t so annoyed anymore. but I didn’t wait, and I do regret that. and, as a side note, I did *not* actually intend to sound condescending—but, as I’m sure you’ve realized, intentions sure don’t count for much here.

because you claim in your ask that you *intended* to “kindly” let me know about an error you noticed in my fic. but what you actually did, though, was rudely ignore the chapters you had read and PRESUMABLY enjoyed (who knows?? not me, because you didn’t say shit about that) and instead decided to point out what you perceived as a math error on my part (which, I’ll only say this once more, because it doesn’t actually matter: I was not, in fact, wrong about in the first place!) and called it a day. WOW, THANKS!

pictured here: KINDNESS!

do you understand why that kind of thing might make an author feel bad? I mean, really, do you? it’s like you walked into my house, sat down at my table and started eating this cake I had baked for you *without uttering one single word to me* the entire time, and then abruptly stood up and left while loudly talking about how *you* would have frosted the cake differently. come the fuck on, man. even just *thinking* about writing things again is hard enough for me right now. I mean *nice* comments don’t even hit the same when you’re feeling bad about your work! *this* shit feels demoralizing. like listen, I get that you probably weren’t trying to be a dick on purpose, but please just...try to have more awareness of how your words could affect people? I don’t think that’s too much to ask.

by the way, some advice for the future, if you’ll pardon the condescension: if you ever feel an urge to get pedantic in somebody’s comments section, in MY opinion you should either a.) be their trusted friend already or b.) be very sure they are receptive to those kinds of corrections. and ALSO, in addition to those things, you should probably say literally anything else in the body of your comment so you don’t come off like a total dick. you don’t have to write a whole novel or anything, as appreciated as those are—even something as brief and to the point as “this was great” is a perfectly acceptable comment.

SIGH. so okay. so.........I’m sorry, but I think it’s really fucking interesting that you ALSO left this comment on cabin fic, which *also* made me feel terrible? you’ve really got a knack for that, it seems. yeah...actually, I’m going to go ahead and request that you stop leaving comments on stuff I’ve written? usually it really is true that more comments = better! comments are so, SO appreciated by fic authors...I mean, they fuel us. they really are all that’s keeping us going sometimes. but...in both of these examples...I really think just saying nothing would’ve been better.

and...that brings us to the elephant in the room. again, I’m sorry—I just don’t know of a way to approach this without being a bit condescending?...but, listen. if you *are* in fact a minor...then I don’t just need you to stop commenting on my works, I need you to stop READING them. both of the fics we’re talking about here are rated Explicit. minors are not welcome.

alright, with that out of the way: at the time of this posting, I still haven’t read your second comment on AO3. if you’d like to delete it before that happens, please feel free. I’ll be deleting the entire thread pretty soon regardless. I don’t need it sitting there festering and making my WIP fic any harder for me to look at than it already is.

with all that said? thank you for apologizing. and, again, I’m sorry for the tone of my response, too.

— 𝒜𝓇𝒸𝒽𝑒𝓇

[tellthemeerkatsitsfine]

I don’t keep up with new music nearly as much as I used to. Not even discovering new artists or anything, but even new stuff put out by people I already like, it passes me by more than it used to. Late in 2023, I was shocked to learn two of my absolute favourite musicians had put out new albums in 2022 and I didn’t even notice. For most of my life I’ve found out about new music – both new artists and new albums – via folk festivals and country music blogs. Which is why so much of my music collection is Canadian folk music and American (plus some Canadian) country music.

But I haven’t been to a folk festival since pre-COVID – last year I finally started going to see live music again sometimes, this week I’ll be going to my sixth music gig since last August, which is less than I used to but significantly more than I did from 2020-2023, and it’s been really good. I let myself forget, in the depths of the pandemic, how big a part of my life live music was. I took it for granted most of my life, just going to folk festivals with my dad because that’s what happens every summer. And while I’ve been back to concerts, I haven’t been back to festivals, so I haven’t learned about anything new. And I don’t read country music blogs anymore because I’m too busy reading comedy forums.

So aside from blogs and festivals, how am I supposed to know if even my very favourite musicians put out new stuff? I also don’t do Twitter or anything. And of course I don’t do Spotify. I didn’t really know how Spotify worked until recently, I was just vaguely aware that it’s some demon ruining the music industry so I never looked into it. And I am still not going to look into it! Don’t worry everyone, I still have my principles, I am still horrified by the fact that my brother owns no music files and thinks it’s fine to just rent access to music that he only gets to keep hearing as long as he keeps paying and he has internet access and a corporation chooses to keep it on their platform.

However, my friend whom I moved in with in December uses Spotify, and when I hang out with him in the living room, we listen to music via the TV that’s connected to his computer, and I have to admit it’s convenient. Especially when I started typing in my favourite artists and learned that some of them have entire albums I hadn’t even known about. And, even though I’m pretty sure algorithms are a terrible thing to introduce to art, I have found a few new people I like from that.

I haven’t entirely sold out, though, because I did not sign up for Spotify (I would genuinely never do that, I will draw the line at occasionally benefitting from my roommate using it), I went and bought the albums on Bandcamp. Quick reminder of a thing that I never miss an opportunity to remind people, Bandcamp is the way to buy music where the highest percentage of the profits go to the artist (aside from just handing them money for a CD at a gig, I guess), also it’s the most convenient way to get it for the consumer (one easily downloadable folder with every song on the album as DRM-free mp3s).

I also recently raided the CD collection in my dad’s basement, because there was a bunch of stuff I knew he had and I knew I liked but was somehow not in the music collection on my hard drive. So as a result of that, I have a bunch of new music, and I’ve been greatly enjoying it.

Okay, here’s the actual point of this post, after all that pre-amble: Cody Jinks put out an album one month ago, thanks to the evils of corporatized technology I became aware of it when it was only a month old, I’ve been listening to it non-stop for several days, it’s fucking fantastic. It might be my favourite Cody Jinks album, though I’m aware that recency bias in in play. And I like Cody Jinks’ previous stuff a lot.

I should actually say that this might be my favourite Cody Jinks studio album, because he has a live album called Red Rocks Live and nothing's better than that. It's a solid cross-section of his earlier work so a good introduction, if anyone's interested in getting to know him. Which you should be, if you like his sort of thing. His sort of thing is modern American outlaw country music by a guy who used to be in a metal band. All the best country singers used to be in metal bands (him and Corb Lund).

This live version of his song Head Case is as good as country music gets. Good thing to play for anyone who spouts that claim that country music was only good back in the 70s (it was good back in the 70s, but probably wasn't good back then either if the only thing you listened to was pop music on the radio that incorrectly markets itself as country). My horrible abusive high school coach used to nickname me and any other athletes who struggled mentally/psychologically "head case", and now I play this song whenever I get sad about that, which definitely isn't that often or anything because I'm fine and not still trying to win every argument I had when I was 17. Definitely not.

Anyway, his new album is called Change the Game, and I can't stop listening to it.

It covers the usual themes - sad, angry, drinks too much, would like to stop drinking so much (going a little harder on that last point than some of his previous albums, or maybe I'm just predisposed to notice that these days), and of course the designed outlaw country anthem, in this case it's the title track and it's great. I keep finding new stuff in it.

I often find that my favourite songs on an album change from what they are when I first hear it, but at the moment, the one I've had on repeat the most is:

And then I listen to the level of guitar going on in this one that's ages ahead of some of the older stuff:

But I think once the initial excitement of the new album wears off, this song is going to end up as my favourite:

I was on the bus to work yesterday when I first put this one on and had to change the track, because the bus is not an appropriate setting for being as emotionally moved as I was by a lyric like "Don't waste your days on dreams that don't fill you/Find out what you love, and let it kill you".

Anyway, I might need to start subscribing to some musician mailing lists or something. Because I'm not signing up for Spotify or Twitter but it is nice to actually find out about this stuff.

[azurdlywisterious]

Strange Is The Night Where Black Stars Rise...

AN: I teased in my last post about Harvey that I wanted to give her a backstory as to how she got those scars (plus I really wanted to write some friendly banter). (Sir vs. the mojave will be next dont worry)

Word count: 1k (hence the read more)

CW: injury mention, blood mention, [idk if theres anything else i should put here so lmk if theres another one i should add]

The raider punk I decided to trust today turns the mic off for the night as I drag a dirty mattress up the stairs for him. I'm not really worried about him raiding my place because I don't really have anything worth raiding. I take off my gas mask and set it down on the floor of the unfinished second level of my base.

"Hey, thanks for letting me crash here, by the way," he tells me again, fidgeting with his hands as he talks.

"No problem," I respond. "It's not much, but you certainly can't beat that view."

I sit down on the unfinished ledge and stare at the amusement park across the road. The raider punk sits down next to me, still flicking his fingers nervously.

"I never did catch your name," he remarks sheepishly.

"It's Harvey," I tell him.

"Like a Harvey Wallbanger?" he chuckles.

I smile so wide the scars on my cheeks ache a little. "You're not gonna believe what my legal last name is."

He covers his mouth to stifle a laugh. "No fucking way."

"My parents certainly had a sense of humor."

I should email my mom. Let her know I found that park she went to all the time when she was a kid.

"Something wrong?" he asks me.

"Nothing to worry about," I tell him flatly. "I don't think I ever caught your name either."

"You didn't," he replies cheerily. "Most people just call me Punk cause that’s my codename."

"I mean, if that's your codename, that's your codename," I quip, paraphrasing some old Western my dad showed me years ago.

"Next time you go out you should see if you can find any orange juice," he tells me after thinking for a while.

I snort. "Any orange juice I find is gonna be irradiated to hell. You know that, right?"

"We'll just mix some Rad-X in. That should neutralize the radiation."

I roll my eyes jokingly. "Oh, yeah. Totally. And are you gonna get the vodka?"

“You’ll probably have to get the vodka too.”

I laugh. “So what are you gonna do?”

“Mix the drinks together when you get back with the components, duh!”

“Well,” I continue, “if I ever find any hella irradiated orange juice, I’ll bring it back to base.”

We sit in silence some more as the sun goes down. I absentmindedly run my thumb over one of the jagged scars by my mouth. Mom would sometimes show me pictures of the gala she and my Dad would go to at Camden Park when all the rides were lit up and everything was sparkly and bright. I want to fix this old park up for her. My mom and dad deserve one last good gala with the park lit up after everything that happened.

"So..." Punk pauses; and I know exactly what he's going to ask next. "What happened? I mean, how did you get those scars?"

I don't respond immediately. I always have to take a second to remember the event, and brace for the person who asked me to not believe me.

"Sorry, sorry," he backpeddles, wringing his hands like he's trying to squeeze the blood out of them. "I shouldn't've asked."

I wave him off. "Don't worry about it. It's only one of the single most traumatic things that's ever happened to me and no one ever believes me when I tell them.” I shrug lazily. “Nothing major."

"You seem pretty nonchalant about something so serious."

"It happened a decade ago. I was sixteen. I don't really care that much anymore."

“Look, I’ve heard about a lot of weird things since working with that ‘network’ I’ve told you about.” He gently squeezes my hand. “If you’re worried about me not believing you, then don’t worry too much and just tell me.”

I don’t know what to do with my hand. I let him keep holding it.

“I was half asleep when it happened,” I start. “There are some days I wake up and think that it was only a bad nightmare I had years ago until I touch the scars on my face. Memory’s funny like that. Every time I remember it, I remember it a little more wrong. Imperfect recall, or something like that. That’s how memories work.”

“But what happened that night?”

“Oh, right. So I’m half asleep, right? I wake up to the sound of someone ripping paper right next to my face. Except it wasn’t paper. That slick, oily feeling of blood came next, I think; like my brain couldn’t believe the pain signals my body was sending to it. This was all happening in a matter of seconds, by the way. My eyes finally processed the… thing cutting open my mouth.”

“What did it look like?”

I rack my brain for any words to describe it. “It looked like just a person in a tattered cloak. But there was no head. The cloak had a hood like there was a head; but in its place was an infinite black void, like I was staring into space itself. It was using some sort of claw or talon to rip open my face. When I finally registered the pain, I started screaming, and the thing disappeared into mist, leaving only those claws behind.”

“I’ve heard of a lot of weird stuff,” Punk says to me, “but never anything like that.”

I sigh and look away. He squeezes my hand tightly for a second.

“I believe you, though.”

I feel my heart stop for a second as my eyes start to sting. Before even I realized it, I had wrapped him in the biggest hug I could give him.

Tears running down my scarred cheeks, I tell him, “No one’s ever believed me aside from my parents. No one else has ever believed me.”

“Well, I believe you, Harvey. I’ll ask my ‘network’ if any of them have heard of this thing.”

I nod, unable to get the words out. I can trust this guy. He believes me.

[nosolaceofastraightanswer]

THE UMBRELLA ACADEMY MASS REWATCH EXTRAVAGANZA S3E10 ALGAMATION POST

the final one!!!! ogufhhghrgfhfhfhf. let’s get to it besties i have to write some psychology paragraphs after this still and let me tell you the night is not young 🤠

im totally gonna have an emotional note at the end omg i can’t believe it’s overrerrrr 🥺

i think overall there were so many good character interaction scenes and i wish that the development from those happened ages ago. the characters felt very cartoony and stagnant for a while tbh.

this episode did however remind me of how much i love viktor + allison’s relationship istg they need interaction s4 plssss they’re so fucked up but they lvoe each other so much bro

my wishlist for s4 only grows 😔

glad they brought back five Being Insane this ep. i feel like he didn’t bring this manic energy to the rest of the season but now that it’s here i’m just like yes get it king 👑

i have individual posts to make but i’ll say it here anyway: MURDER HOTEL IS SO FUCJING COOL!!!!

that yellow light was so creepy but OML the bugs?!!??!!?!?!?!? agahhgkgkgkgkgkg it gave me the heebies AND the jeebies.

sloane also deserves to go feral but like. srsly wish she was more developed. when i tell you villain arc sloane is in my heart okay.

dielila enjoyers stay winning ig???? im sorry they’re adorable.

miss stabnley tho :(((( baby

that sigil stuff was cool!!! wish we got more worldbuilding OUHGGHH

in all caps is my literal reaction when allison goes into her apartment (ft return of The Notes bc im just quirky like that)

AAAAAAA okay so analysis and individual posts r done

tysm to anyone who interacted this wild ride!!!! it’s been amazing and i lvoe you guys sm. im so glad the fandom community can come together to appreciate this thing we all lvoe like????? 🥺🥺 i gotta make a psot @ing my fave tuamre posters!!! <3333

to anyone who is an algamation post enjoyer: ily 💪💪 we stay winning

ALSO for the future now that the rewatch is over, i will be staying active in the tua fandom and posting still!! i have some art i made recently and MANY brain animatics that i hope will one day make it to paper/flipaclip. i’ve also got some analysis i’ve been holding off on cus it would be a LARGE undertaking, and i’ve been thinking of writing fanfic on my ao3 sometime!!! i love the tua fandom and i’m having a blast. ^_^

we can only pray for the s4 outcome whenever tf that’s coming out.

i have had so much fun reading everyone’s posts and hanging out. i met so many people through this as well!!!! hiiiiiiii

OUGUGHHFHFGHG u guys r the best :D

also thanks a million years forever to the bug enjoyers HERES THE GUY

look at him Wiggle. anyways have a good night everyone! i have to Go Do Work now. love u guys <33333

[yesloulou]

Please tell me we are not feeling bad for someone who purposely wrote erotic fiction about a real person and published it. Let’s not side with her as an excuse to hate Dax. I don’t love him either, but people like this “author” cause direct harm to fandom spaces. They enforce the trope that fans are insane stalkers and sexual perverts.

This is the same shit that happened with hockey “booktok”. Someone did something wildly inappropriate, it got around to real people involved, and the fallout made EVERYONE uncomfortable.

Some girl wrote something DISGUSTING and put someone’s real name as well as a caricature of that person on it, and now fandom “feels bad for her”? Hell no.

Sometimes people deserve ridicule. Sometimes people deserve to be shamed. SHE brought this on the fandom. While that’s partially Dax’s fault, the blame is on that author for opening this can of worms. That author fucked around and found out and I hope she has trouble sleeping at night. And if Dax ends up on Ao3 that’s fucked up and I’ll hate him for it, but it will be HER that caused him to go looking. That girl deserves to be ejected from every fandom she’s ever in and I hope she has the life she deserves ❤️

ok. here's the thing. i edited that answer a couple of times but couldn't decide on what to say bc i can't feel bad for her but i also didn't want to tell people who do feel bad for her that's not the right emotion to have. so ultimately i decided to discuss intentions. and based on intentions i do think dax as daniel's friend and a public figure deciding to profit off of a daniel erotica is worse than that girl writing and publishing it.

also i'll admit i have no idea what she wrote in that book and i'd like to stress that i think what she did was simply not right. but i also find it very interesting how much hate and serious allegations that book has been getting, especially on tumblr where rpf is pretty widely accepted. i think at least some of this condemnation comes from a place of self awareness. bc if you think about it the only difference between writing/consuming rpf and writing rpf and then publishing it is publishing. and the act of publishing does not make all the difference. by publishing her rpf (even on a platform like amazon) it was not like she put it in front of daniel and said read it. in fact if we're talking about ease of access, a pov tiktok or an unlocked fic on ao3 is way easier to access than a book you need to buy to read. but somehow, none of the easier to access rpf works got as much negativity as this one. in addition, when this book was first discovered by the fandom, the reaction was mostly "this is so ridiculous help 😭". the tumblr post about that book got barely 30 notes. it was only until a week later when we realized dax brought it up to daniel on his podcast that this outpouring of anger and condemnation started. you see, the issue is not only the girl publishing her rpf. it is also the book being a reminder of how controversial rpf really is. when a piece of rpf enters the internet, there is never guarantee that the person it's about won't ever see it. there is always that risk. Ofc you'd hate her and want to 'eject her from the fandom' for possibly turning that risk into a reality, but it's a risk you (we) took on in the first place, and obviously you (we) wouldn't want to be reminded of that.

anyways. again im not saying she and her book doesn't deserve hate, i just think it's interesting how much hate there has been. i'd love to discuss more but ive probably gotten ms into enough trouble for this already lol sooo.

[mydarlingdearestdead]

I’m thinking thoughts I want to share before my head explodes (And if I put them here there’s less chance I’ll be bashed for them as asks don’t usually get as much engagement as posts do but feel free to ignore me I just need somewhere to put them)

Young Severus Snape *was* the victim!!! And I mean like Sev in years 1-6. I mean like. He was ruthlessly bullied by some dickheads and it’s never shown that when he was younger (years 1-2) he provoked them/intentionally fucked with the marauders.

We’re told that James canonically hexed people “for fun” and Sev was just an easy target cause he was the quiet n weird kid. Sirius and Remus did tell Harry that James grew up but then again they’re very bias and Harry was sittin there thinking Jily happened cause James drugged her so ofc they’d tell him that

Back to Sev- he was abused as a child (and teen) by his alcoholic father and was a witness to constant dv. Ofc him as a tween was gonna be a bit of a weirdo and like. Yeah dropping that branch on Petunia was fucked but he was an isolated kid and likely didn’t realise HOW fucked it was

He started to go down hill bec of the people he was hanging out with (although I think there were a few other circumstances; like the war for example) and then he started slinging slurs around for funsies.

I do think that the one incident we see were he calls Lily a mud blood is more of a knee jerk reaction for him at that point. He’d gotten used to the fact that the people he was around did it and he did it that he almost forgot the meaning of it? That doesn’t excuse it but still. If you have a hundred or so kids around and they’re all taunting you, you’re gonna lash out somehow.

Then he joined the de and started bullying children ect ect.

I think the place where people come from with the Snape Vs Bambi thing is that they’re so stuck in the fact that they think everything is black or white. Yes, Severus was the victim when they were young, but as they got older and James matured (and Sev did not), Severus became the “bad guy”

People who take James’ side were likely popular kids (or they read the books first) and people who take Severus’ were likely the weird kids (or watched the movies first)

If this were one of those square graph thingys I’d be in lawful neutral (for once)

(side note; I can’t stand when people make Peter the bad guy cause it was Severus’ fault they were even in that situation in the first place. Although you could go further back and blame dumbly which is what I do)

this has been fun let’s do it again sometime 🫡

Twas fun

This is honestly the exact reason I ignore canon

Still will never get over that he was Nevilles worst fear at 13. This kid whose parents were tortured into insanity by death eaters, who's grandmother never believed him worthy, who got hexed by Hermione in first year for trying to be brave-

You get the point. Idk, that always stuck with me