#sometimes i worry if people go lol at my art and all | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

theidiotwhowritesthings · 9 months

Text

The World Ended

Joel Miller x F!Reader

Warnings: Joel Miller is hella manipulative, power imbalance, non descriptive age gap, Dub Con, smut, oral fem receiving, fingering, rough sex, P in V, Dom!Joel Miller, breeding kink adjacent if you squint and read between the lines, mentions of death of child, mentions of suicidal ideation (no more so than the show discusses), mentions of trauma, inspired by '10 Cloverfield Lane'

Word Count: 5,852

Summary: You wake up in an entirely new world, but you find comfort and love in an ally. He saved your life after all. Why wouldn't you trust him? Haunted Hoedown prompt: Stranded AU/Cult AU + "every moment might be our last, let's make the most of it."

[a/n: my contribution for haunted hoedown b/c i was inspired and couldn't resist (def cheated and ignored the days tho i just picked my fav parts of different prompts lol). 10/10 would recommend surfing that tag b/c people are making WORKS OF ART. This is just my toss it together addition lol]

"manipulation and control can sometimes be disguised as love." -abegail turingan

It was odd to wake up with no memory of going to bed. Disorienting was probably the more accurate word. Enough so that for a brief moment all you could do was stare up at the concrete ceiling above you. There was a headache lingering behind your eyes that no amount of blinking would clear away. Where were the stars? The thought drifted through your foggy mind. Your bedroom had glow in the dark stars plastered to the ceiling. A design choice that a nine year old you chose at the store, and one that your parents were never able to peel away no matter how many years had passed⏤ they were nostalgic in that sense. You must have been just like them considering you admired those cheap, plastic stars while staying in your parents’ home during this visit.

But the stars were gone.

Everything was gone, and the sharp smell of antiseptic and bleach replaced the floral scent of your mother’s detergent. You turned your head into your pillow in hopes that the comfort of your bed would ease the headache that seemed to worsen the longer you were awake. You found no comfort though because the pillow you laid on was not your own.

Slowly, you began to sit up and you weren’t sure what was more distracting: the unexplained aching pain of all your muscles or the unfamiliar strange room you found yourself sitting in. The walls were like the ceiling, undecorated concrete, and the only bit of furniture was the metal framed cot you were now lying on. A hospital gown covered your otherwise bare body.

The clarity that settled in your mind was stark and startling. Any of the fog you initially woke with vanished in a snap, and your breaths came in quick, hyperventilated gasps. Oh, God. Oh, God. You threw your sore legs over the edge of the bed to rise. Your feet only brushed against the cold tile of the ground before you found yourself sprawled on the floor.

“Help…” The word left your lips in a breathless whisper as you tried to move your weak legs. You could only manage to sit up. “Help.” With every attempt, your voice grew stronger until you were screaming. “Help me! Help!”

A heavy, metal door, one across the room that you hadn’t even noticed in your panicked state, began to creak open. You sucked in a sharp breath, fear palpable, as an unfamiliar man stood in the doorway. He was older than you. Gray littered his brown, messy hair and facial hair, but it suited him. The man wore a dark green flannel that accented his broad shoulders. Everything about his figure exuded strength and intimidation from his build to the large hands that held a box of some kind. However, the moment his dark brown eyes landed on yours they softened. His shoulders hunched marginally, as if he were trying to look smaller than he actually was, and a line of worry formed between his furrowed brow.

“Hey! I need someone in ‘ere!” He barked over his shoulder, never breaking eye contact, in a deeply southern drawl. The man rushed into the room toward you, but when you flinched at his approach he slowed his pace. He took one hand off the box to hold in your direction, palm stretched outward, “It’s alright. You’re safe. Promise.” Coming from a stranger, and in this scenario, his words did nothing to calm your racing heart. You crawled backwards until your back hit the cot. Your name suddenly left his lips. “I’m⏤ My name is Joel.”

“How⏤ How do you know my name?” You gasped.

“Your license. It was in your bag. Didn’ mean to pry but…” Joel said slowly. “Are you⏤”

He didn’t get to finish his sentence as you blurted out, “Where the hell am I? Why am I here? What is going on? I⏤”

“Whoa, whoa.” Joel knelt down in front of you but kept his distance which you appreciated. “One thing at a time, darlin’.” He shook his head. “You were in a car accident… ‘bout two days ago now.”

“A car accident?” As the words left your own lips, there was a flicker of some forgotten memory playing in your head. The sound of a car horn, blinding headlights, the crunch of metal on metal, and the taste of blood. You flinched, “I… Oh, God.” You held your head with a trembling hand but winced as your hand brushed against a tender spot on the left side of your face. “Is this… Is this a hospital then?” The room resembled a prison more than it did a hospital room. Plus, it made no sense to you that your parents weren’t here. The man saw your license which meant they’d know who to contact. “Where is my family?”

Joel hesitated and you saw a look of what almost looked like regret in his eyes. You repeated your question more firmly this time. He sighed, “That’s… tougher to answer.”

“What the hell does that mean?”

A second later, a man and a woman dressed in bright orange HAZMAT suits came storming into the room. It was a blur of yelling and chaos and they descended upon you. Joel argued loudly with them and your head was spinning enough that it was difficult to follow what was happening. Gloved hands wrapped around your arm, ripping you up from the ground, but it was short lived. The man who had grabbed you was shoved away by Joel who gently sat you on the side of the cot before standing in front of you as a barrier.

“Don’ you fuckin’ grab her like that.” Joel snarled. The soft kindness that had been in his tone only moments ago was gone now. “You hear me??”

“Sir, you are not supposed to be in here.” The woman snapped. “Her wounds⏤”

“Her wounds are from the accident. I already told you.”

“We still need to test her⏤”

“Fine, but you don’ jus’ fuckin’ grab ‘er like that!”

There was nothing about this moment that could be called peaceful, but Joel’s defensive stance and his deep voice somehow managed to calm your racing heart. You didn’t know why the man was so protective over you, but you’d take any ally you could in this moment. The argument continued long enough for only a few more verbal jabs at one another. It settled on Joel sitting by your side glaring at the man in the HAZMAT suit as he used two separate swabs on you. One against the wound on your forehead and the other in your mouth.

“By entering without precautionary measures, you have bought yourself another 24 hours of quarantine, Mr. Miller.” The woman announced.

Joel didn’t respond but just glared at the woman instead. The second the two of them disappeared out of the room, Joel’s features softened again. You hugged yourself, trying to keep from shaking, and swallowed the lump that now sat in the middle of your throat. “Thank you. For that.”

“Least I can do.” Joel murmured as his eyes traced your face⏤ examining your wound, you assumed. You weren’t quite sure what he meant by that, but Joel didn’t elaborate. Sitting this close to him, there was something familiar about. You weren’t sure why because you were positive you had never spoken to him before. You’d remember a face this handsome. A voice that distinct and hypnotizing. “How do you feel?”

“Um. Sore. Confused.” You admitted. Recalling how the woman addressed him, you cleared your throat. “Mr. Miller⏤”

“Joel, darlin’. Jus’ Joel.”

“Joel…” You tested the name out. “Please⏤ Please tell me what’s going on. Where am I? Where is my family? Why⏤ Why were they in HAZMAT suits?”

The stranger you were finding comfort in let out a slow sigh. He rose from the bed to pick up the box he had brought with him. You had forgotten about that entirely. Joel sat back down after opening it and offered it to you. There was a simple set of men’s clothes in the box along with a water bottle and bag of chips. He shook his head.

“All I had were a few of my spare things.” Joel said. “Figured you might be thirsty or⏤ or hungry.”

You appreciated the gesture, but it wasn’t what you wanted right now, “Joel. What happened?”

He let out another long sigh before meeting your gaze with a look of mourning, “The world ended, darlin’.”

The bunker was large enough to fit thirty or so people. It was an underground, concrete community made by a survivalist who went by the name of Ezra. You had yet to meet this mysterious man which felt odd since the community wasn’t that large, but it wasn’t too shocking since you didn’t do much exploring since your arrival.

The world had ended. That’s what Joel told you. Hell, that’s what everyone kept telling you, but none of them could tell you concretely how. Every time the discussion came up, there was a new story involved. Aliens had invaded. Zombies had overtaken. A virus wiped out humanity. The theories were endless and since you couldn’t remember your last moments above ground you had no opinion on the matter. The last thing you could recall was leaving the house to meet some old friends who stayed local to your hometown for drinks. You got into the car, and the next thing you remembered was waking up in a concrete room.

You hoped your memory would come back gradually, but two weeks had passed and nothing was any more clear. You mourned a muddled memory. Families and friends ripped away from you in uncertain measures, and it left you reeling. The only pillar you had right now was Joel Miller. He had saved you in more ways than one. When the world went to shit, Joel was on his way to the bunker. All the people here were either friends or they knew this Ezra character in some way and that’s how they bought themselves a ticket into this sanctuary. Joel had been the survivalist’s contractor. Helped build this place and even mocked the man when first given the job.

But, when the world did end, Joel was offered safety and on his way there he came across your wreck on the side of the road. He scooped you up and fought for your place here with him.

You owed him your life.

The sound of a door opening snapped you out of the daze you had fallen into. Joel stepped into the shared bunk space looking worn out. While your simple duty in this community was currently food prep, Joel’s was more labored. He helped with any repairs and upkeep to ensure everything was working as it should. He dropped his tool belt by the door with a groan.

“Long day?” You asked with a small smile. Joel grunted an affirmative. He crossed the small room to drop down onto the couch. Since you were technically an add on rather than one of the invited, you were forced to share the room with Joel. Though ‘forced’ wasn’t quite the right word. You honestly didn’t mind it at all. Having a familiar face, even if it were one you only just met, brought you comfort. Though you kind of felt bad he was now stuck with you. There was no way he could’ve known saving your life off the side of the street was going to chain your existence to him.

The room was decent though. There was a simple bed in one corner, a couch pushed up against the wall, a table with two chairs, and a mostly empty drawer. Over the last two weeks, you and Joel had collected or traded objects to make the room your own. You traded a set of spare socks that had come with the room for a small, blue vase that you set in the middle of the table. Joel had even managed to find a few books and magazines that he gifted you.

You pushed up from the bed to sit on the couch beside him. You pulled your legs in to tuck under yourself. The shirt you wore was one of his flannels, you still had limited clothing options, but you had managed to scourge up a pair of yoga pants that fit you well enough.

“You?” Joel asked as he rested his head on the back of the couch.

“Food prep was exciting as always.” You joked. Joel breathed out a small, tired chuckle. You nodded toward the bed. “Lay down. Sleep.” Joel shot you a light glare. From the beginning, Joel was adamant about sleeping on the couch so you could have the bed. Even when you told him it made more sense for him to have the bed since you were smaller. Joel wouldn’t even listen to the suggestion of swapping turns. “Joel.”

“Couch is fine.” Joel replied gruffly and closed his eyes.

“If it’s fine then I should have no issues sleeping on it, right?”

“Ain’t gonna happen.”

You set your hand on his arm and felt him slightly stiffen at your touch. Joel cracked open his eyes to peek at you. “Please take the bed tonight. Please.” He furrowed his brow and you gave his arm a squeeze. “Nothing would make me happier right now. I’m serious.”

Joel didn’t say anything to begin with. He just held your gaze and under the weight of his stare you felt the back of your neck warm. The man was painfully attractive, it couldn’t be argued, but that wasn’t what made your heart skip a beat or your core secretly ache. It was the way Joel looked at you and spoke to you. The way he treated you. If his gaze were to be believed, you must have been a work of art. Joel stared at you like a dying man watching his last sunset. His voice was always deep and honeyed when he spoke to you. The words he chose put the respect and care he had for you on clear display.

The world ended and everything in your life felt cold, but not Joel. Joel was warmth.

Joel’s other hand settled on top of your smaller one. His thumb traced your knuckles and your throat felt tight at the contact. He gave your hand a quick squeeze and then stood up with a groan. You heard his knees crack, but he made no comment on it. Joel just leaned over and pressed a kiss to the top of your head, “Thank you, baby.”

You watched him kick off his boots and drop into bed. A soft groan left his lips and he fell asleep before the lights were even off.

The sky was blue. Your head rested on Joel’s shoulder as the two of you sat on the ground leaning back against the wall. A total of a month had passed now, and you confided in Joel that you missed the sky. In response, he brought you here. It was a restricted space that he only had access to because he would come up here to do repairs on the electrical system. In the entire bunker, it was the closest to above ground that you could be. Only one staircase and a thick, metal door separated you from the world outside. On the door was a small window and from where you sat you could see a patch of sky.

“Do you think the world really ended?” You asked softly.

Joel glanced at you without jostling your position too much, “What’dya mean?”

“The sky is too pretty for the world to have ended, don’t you think?” You mumbled. It wasn’t just the sky that created your doubt. There was a woman who worked with the mysterious Ezra. She said she would type out anything he dictated to her. She didn’t think the world had ended. She thought it was all some conspiracy or ploy. You weren’t sure how much weight you put into her words, but it left the question in your mind. “What if the world is completely normal up there and we’re just rotting away in a tomb?”

Joel shook his head. “You hear the sirens an’ gunfire. The SOS broadcasts on the radio.”

“Couldn’t that be faked?” You asked. Joel hummed in a noncommittal fashion. You shrugged, “You never told me how the world ended. Everyone else has given me their two cents, but you never talk about it.”

“Cause it doesn’ matter.”

“Why wouldn’t it matter?”

Joel was silent for a few moments, but you waited patiently for him to speak. He shifted and with your head still on his shoulder, his hand found yours. “It doesn’ matter ‘cause… my world ended two years ago.” You lifted your head so you could face him, but Joel kept his eyes on the patch of blue sky. “I… I lost my daughter. Sarah.” You squeezed his hand as your heart ached for him. “Wasn’t fair. Should’ve been me. But… But nothin’ has made much sense since.”

“Joel, I am… I am so sorry.” You whispered.

“I lied.” Joel said and your eyebrows furrowed. He swallowed nervously and finally turned to look at you. “When I found ya, I wasn’ headin’ to the bunker.”

“Where… Where were you going then?”

“Home.” Joel shrugged. “The sirens were goin’ off, people were in a frenzy, Ezra texted me some freakish invite, but… I planned on headin’ home to jus’ wait for the end.” It was devastating to hear someone you had come to care so much for admit that truth. Your heart broke for him. Not a single shred of you could ever imagine the pain or horror of losing a child. “On my way, I ran into you. Saw your car flipped on the side of the road. Once I got ya out, it’s not like I could take ya to the hospital with the way all of it was so…”

Joel motioned to the bunker around the both of you. The rest was history. In the silence, you could hear the whirring noise of the motors working the fans and the pounding of your heart in your ears. You let the hand not in his lift to rake your fingertips through the scruff on his jaw as your thumb rubbed back and forth over his cheek. Joel’s eyes fluttered closed at your touch and a soft breath left his lips. He leaned into your hand.

“I… Joel, I don’t know what to say…”

“This is ‘nough.” Joel murmured. There was a tension that had formed the second you caressed Joel’s face and it only built the longer you were in contact with him. It was a long time coming and was only coming to a head just now. You could control yourself, you were sure of it, but when Joel’s sad eyes opened once more the breath was knocked out of your lungs. His lips twitched into a small smile. “You’re the first thing I’ve cared ‘bout in a very long time, baby.”

The world had ended, supposedly. What was the use of wasted time?

You leaned in and pressed your lips against his. The kiss was soft and hesitant. A brush of you against him as Joel breathed in a strangled gasp. He pulled back and your heart dropped. Embarrassment filled your very soul as you let your hand fall away from him.

“I’m sorry. I shouldn't have. I just thought, every moment might be our last, we should make the most of it. Or⏤”

“It’s not that, baby girl.” Joel immediately cupped your face and you felt yourself melt between his warm, coarse hands. “You don’ owe me this. You know that, right? I don’ expect…”

You gave a small shake of your head, your eyes glued to his lips, “I know, Joel. I know. I… This is my choice. I want you.”

Joel took in a slow breath through his nose as his jaw locked. His hands tightened around your face, caressing the skin along your face and neck, and one hand slipped to cup the back of your head as his forehead leaned against yours. When he spoke, his voice was hoarse, “Say it again.”

“I want you, Joel.”

Joel initiated the kiss this time, and it was far from hesitant. At your consent, it was like he dropped all semblance of his self control. His lips were bruising against yours and Joel was desperate in getting you closer. He dragged you over so you were straddling his lap. His hands roamed down your body until they found your hips. Joel’s tongue slipped past your parted lips just as he dragged your aching core against his half hard cock⏤ thrusting up against you while swallowing the moan that left your throat.

He wrapped an arm around your middle and suddenly you found yourself on your back. The cool concrete floor was jarring to how hot you felt. Hands sunk into the waistband and with one firm pull both your tights and underwear were down to your ankles. You gasped in surprise, but Joel didn’t pause.

“Jesus Christ, what a pretty fuckin’ pussy, baby.” Joel groaned and tugged a foot out from your clothes so both articles wrapped around only one of your legs. He roughly grabbed your thighs and dragged you closer so when he dropped to the ground his mouth was immediately buried into your warmth. You yelped at the contact but it was followed by a wanton groan as his tongue ravished you. It was messy and rushed. Joel ate you out like you were his last meal, and the groans and slurping sounds he made were downright sinful.

“Joel! I⏤ Oh, God.” You gasped and your hands buried in his hair. Your hips lifted to chase after his mouth, but Joel dropped his arm across your waist and pinned you to the floor with a chuckle.

Joel lifted his face and turned to bite down on your thigh. You cried out at the sting of his teeth against your skin, but the drag of his hot tongue against the spot left you whimpering. “C’mon, baby.” You tugged on his hair to try and get his lips back where you wanted them, but he stayed firm. “Tell me you want this. Tell me you want me.”

“Want you, Joel. Need you.”

Thick fingers dragged up and down through the mess he’d already made and one began to prod at your entrance without actually sinking in. “Again.”

“Please. Please!” You tried to grind down against him, but his grip on your waist kept you in place. “I want you, Joel. Want you so badly. Please.” Joel had one fingertip circling your hole, but at your desperate pleas he sunk three of his large fingers right in. You screamed, both in alarm and at the sharp sting, “Shit! Joel, too much!”

“Shhh, baby girl. You’re okay.” His lips found your clit and the suction he applied there slowly took away the sting of his rapidly moving fingers. Just as he reassured you, you were okay. More than okay. Pleasure was clouding your mind and you were a squirming, sopping mess under him. Joel’s fingers curled up into you, dragging against your walls, and he made quick work in finding the spot that punched stars into your vision. “There we go, baby. Jus’ like that.” He kept his lips against your clit as he spoke and your wet flesh muffled his praise. “Lemme feel you squeeze ‘round my fingers so I can feel you squeeze ‘round my fat cock. C’mon.”

Teeth nipped at your clit, followed by the smoothing of his tongue, and combined with the pounding of his fingers you came with a shuddering cry. Joel didn’t stop his onslaught and he lowered his lips from your clit so he could drink up every bit of the soaking wet mess he made.

“Joel. Fuck.” You gasped for the air he had somehow managed to punch out of your lungs with his hand alone. “That was…”

“Not done, baby girl.” Joel sat up on his knees but kept his place between your legs. You weakly pushed yourself up onto your elbows and it only dawned on you then that this entire time he had been fully clothed. It was an almost uncomfortable balance between the two of you. “Get up ‘ere.” You began to push up from your elbows and the moment you were close enough his hand wrapped around the back of your neck so he could help you up the rest of the way into the seated position you now sat in. He gazed down at you, pupils blown in lust, and his dark stare soaked in the sight of you. “Say it.”

Knowing exactly what he wanted, you mumbled, “I want you, Joel.”

“Good girl. Open.” Joel grunted. The hand at the back of your neck grabbed you by the hair and he tugged down so your chin was tilted up. Joel shoved the three fingers he had deep in your cunt into your mouth. You closed your lips around him and moaned at the taste of yourself. “Belt, baby. Get my belt.”

You tried to glance down, but Joel kept his grip on you tight so you could only stare up at him as he pushed his fingers deeper into your mouth. Blindly, your hands groped for his belt and you struggled to get it undone as you gagged around his fingers.

“Shh. You can multitask, baby, I believe in ya.” Joel cooed and didn’t relent. “Work at it. Be good.” You traced his thick fingers with your tongue and your hands finally managed to get his belt undone. You got your hands into his pants, tugging down his boxers, and Joel groaned loudly as your hands wrapped around his hard, girthy cock. The size of him alone had you tense in surprise. “Hey, it’s alright, baby girl.” Joel’s fingers slipped out of your mouth and you couldn’t help but cough to try and clear the tickle at the back of your throat. He carefully pushed you down, onto your back again, but he followed with you so he was hovering over your body. One hand at the back of your neck, cupping it softly, while his other rested by your head to hold himself up. “You can handle this. I swear, this perfect pussy is made for me, baby.”

Joel lowered himself to capture your lips with his. The kiss was soft and tender. It was a sweet moment as his cock dragged slowly against you. His tongue licked against the curve of your lower lip just as the tip of him notched at your hole. You opened your mouth to ask him to start slow, but Joel shoved his tongue into your mouth, deepening the kiss, as his painfully large cock shoved into you. You screamed, muffled by his own mouth, as he bottomed out in one single thrust. Tears involuntarily sprung to your eyes at the intrusion and you pulled your lips away from Joel by turned you head. Your fingernails dug into his back.

“Joel, that⏤ that kind of hurt.”

“I know, I’m sorry, baby girl.” Joel buried his face into the crook of your neck. He left open mouth kisses there between reassurances. “Jus’ give it a minute. You’re doin’ so good. So good.” Joel was thankfully staying still inside of you and with the work he put in along the length of your neck you began to feel the sting start to fade. Joel shifted, just a bit, and you shuddered at the slight drag of him. His cock twitched and he moaned against your skin. “Fuck, you feel so good. So perfect. Knew you would.” Joel gave a short, experimental thrust and you gasped at the wave of pleasure you were pulled under. “Gotta move, baby girl.”

Joel pulled back until just the tip remained then rocked his hips forward hard enough to push you across the concrete floor. He roughly grabbed you by the thigh and pulled your leg up. You followed his lead and hooked your ankles around his back as Joel’s grip on the back of your neck tightened and he quickly fell into an unrelenting pace.

“Told you, baby girl.” Joel grunted, the only other sound being your breathless moans and the wet sounds of your pussy sucking his cock in with every powerful thrust. “Made for me.” Joel sung praises as that band of want and desire tightened in your core by the second. His hand slipped between your bodies to find your clit once more and your eyes squeezed shut with a gasp. As soon as they shut though, his touch was gone and with that hand he grabbed you by the face. Your eyes snapped back open in surprise. “Nuh uh. Eyes on me. You hear me?” You nodded and he tightened his grip⏤ his fingers digging almost painfully into your cheeks. “Words, baby. Lemme hear you say it.”

“Keep⏤” You gasped. “Keep my eyes on you.”

“Good girl.” Joel’s hand slipped back down and when his fingers reached their goal it took every bit of strength to keep your eyes open. Your orgasm slammed into you like a freight train and a cry of pleasure slipped past your lips. Joel groaned loudly. “Fuck, fuck, fuck. Takin’ me so well, baby girl, just like I knew you would.”

His pace ramped up but he lost his rhythm and in a brief moment of clarity you gasped, “Joel! Joel, you gotta⏤ fuck! Oh God. You gotta pull out, Joel.” He didn’t slow and for a brief moment sharp fear mingled with the overwhelming pleasure. “Joel!”

At last second, Joel ripped himself off you with a guttural groan and you felt the warmth of his release spurt on your hips. Your entire body went lax as he continued to milk the last bit of him onto your body and you felt the warm, sticky cum drip down the sides of your hip and down into your pussy as well.

Joel tucked himself back into his pants, without clasping his jeans, and he rubbed a hand up and down your thigh soothingly. You were trying to catch your breath as Joel separated your underwear from where it was tangled with your yoga pants around your ankle. You lifted your head and watched as he used your underwear to wipe away the cum now drying on your skin.

“C’mon, baby girl.” He tucked your panties, now a damp mess of your spend and his, into his flannel pocket and helped you slide your legs back into the yoga pants. When they were back in place, he pulled you to stand and grinned when your knees nearly buckled. “You okay?”

“Yeah.” You chuckled and clung to his shoulders. “That was… a lot.”

That had felt incredible, and the fact that it was Joel made it even better. But, it had been rougher than you thought it’d be. Not that you really minded. It just… caught you off guard. Your mind was still too drunk on pleasure to fully understand your feelings on it.

Joel leaned in to settle his lips against your temple. He hummed, “From the second I saw you, baby girl, I just knew you’d be my world.”

“The first second?” You teased. “Me bleeding in an upside down car?”

His lips were curled up into a smile you could only describe as boyish. Joel leaned in again to lock his lips with yours and you wrapped your arms around his neck to help hold yourself up.

The world had ended, but you had a new world now and everything would be just fine.

Right?

BEFORE

Joel stood at the gas pump staring at his phone as his truck was filled. His strange client, the survivalist who asked him to help build a bunker, had shot him a message that made little to no sense. He rambled about the “end of the world”, and invited Joel to join him in the bunker for the “start of something new”. Joel tossed his phone back into his truck with full plans to ignore it. He’d drive to the bar and spend the night drinking. It’d be nothing new. He was a regular at this point.

As he climbed into the driver’s seat his gaze lifted and he spotted you exiting a store across the street.

You from three days ago. You who he met at his usual drinking hole. You who had left him breathless. Joel had been drinking alone, the usual, when you and your friends drifted into the bar as an already half drunk mob. One of your guy friends had gotten rowdy near him, joking with another, and he bumped into Joel and spilled his entire whiskey.

Before he could even begin to lose his temper, you had swept in to save the day. It was obvious you were drunk yourself, but you cleaned him up, apologized for your friends, bought him a new drink, and just sat there and talked. You rambled about being in town to visit your family and catching up with old friends, and Joel found he could listen to you all day.

There was something magnetic about you.

Enough so, that he found himself following you down the road. You were driving toward the edge of town. Maybe to meet with friends at that new bar and drink some more. The roads grew less crowded as you got further out, and Joel thought about following you into the bar. Just to talk. It had been so long since he craved conversation of any kind. He realized though that you probably wouldn’t want anything to do with him. You were young and beautiful and clever. A ray of sunshine. Your options for company were endless and Joel couldn’t imagine being anywhere but at the bottom of that list. Drunk you had put up with him, but sober you probably wouldn’t spare him a glance.

Joel’s eyes darted to the passenger seat where his phone sat. A second passed, and a decision was made. He flashed his lights and laid on his horn. Your car slowed cautiously and he began to speed past you. He looked out his passenger window and the last thing he saw was your wide, confused and fearful eyes before he swerved into you.

He slammed on the breaks and watched your car flip a few times before coming to a stop at the edge of a ditch. Smoke billowed from the broken remains of your vehicle and Joel stared wide eyed at what he had just done. Guilt gnawed at him and he scrambled out of his truck to race to the driver’s side of the wreckage. You were hanging upside down from your seatbelt and blood dripped from a gash along your temple. A bruise was already forming at your hairline. But you were alive. Thank God. He hadn't even considered how wrong that could've gone. It seemed the universe was on his side for this.

Joel knew what he had done was wrong, but it was too late to go back.

He had made the decision⏤ your world ended and he’d be the one to build you something new.

[if you're curious the Ezra I mention is the Pedro Pascal character from Prospect (he just screams cult leader, doesn't he?) and i lowkey maybe have plans for a follow up on this but from the POV of a different reader and Ezra]

#the last of us fanfiction #tlou fanfiction #joel miller #joel miller x you #joel miller x reader #joel miller smut #haunted hoedown #writing challenge #dark!joel miller #dark!joel miller x reader

514 notes · View notes

silksongeveryday · 9 months

Text

Drawing Hornet everyday until Silksong comes out - Day 200!!!

(huge thanks to this person for the art suggestion!! <3)

I genuinely can’t believe that I’ve made it to 200 days, it’s truly been wild how time flies by like that and the amount of doodles I’ve made during that time. Over 200 doodles (217 to be exact if we’re counting double pictures/extra doodles) have been made over the past 200 days. :0

And thank you all so much for the love and support! Not only have we reached 200 days but also 1400+ followers about a week ago! <3

But, having said that I’d like to make a few announcements—some good, some not so great—about a few things regarding the blog, myself, and other stuff.

Putting it all under the cut so the post isn’t long if you’d like to know more

______________________________

Announcements!

My pfp!

1.) I’ll be changing my pfp again!! I’ve officially decided that after every 100 days or so I’ll change up the pfp so it’s up to date with my doodle style (assuming it changed at all lol), but generally it’ll look relatively the same as the last!

Possibly more admins?

2.) As of right now I’m looking into the idea/possibility of having a second (maybe third?) person help me with daily doodles! As much as I’d like to keep doodling everyday there are some days that it can be tough or some situation might be happening. (i.e. recently got injured)

See, the problem is I don’t exactly have a proper way of trying this out??? My idea was to maybe do this through dms or more preferably Google Forms. I also don’t really know what form of communication afterward would be best either, suggestions to help me work this out would be great! (as you can tell I’m not very good at this stuff lol)

Commissions!

3.) After much consideration and a lot of thought, I’ve decided that in the near future, I’ll be opening commissions again for the first time in years. I don’t have everything set up quite yet, but expect more info in the near future!

About requests:

4.) You may have noticed recently that I haven’t been doing as many doodle requests recently. Sure, there’s usually quite a few in a row at once but you may have noticed I’ve also been doing “non-requested” doodles aka ones that I just do on my own.

Expect this to become a very normal thing going forward. I probably won’t be doing as many requests as before because frankly with the amount of requests I get daily when it’s open is a lot to handle sometimes. Does this mean requests will be stopped entirely? No, I’ll still do some occasionally, but not as much as I have in the past.

Also I’ll likely be doing strictly anonymous requests.

About Burnout:

5.) Alright let’s address the elephant in the room.

There have been quite a few instances where people have wondered if I would ever have burnout and have occasionally joked about “dying” from said burnout because “Silksong will never release, you’ll be doing this forever” etc etc.

In the past I’ve been fine, motivation has been great, but recently I’ve noticed it a little bit.

Unfortunately life has its own plans so it can be a little hard for me to make a doodle that day, expecially recently since I’ve been experiencing personal/medical issues. It’s part of the reason I’m hoping to get a second (maybe third) person to help me do daily doodles so I can take a little bit of the load off my shoulders.

So what does this mean for this blog?

Not much right now. But in the future, there may be some changes. My current plan is to keep going on daily doodles/posts for the length of a standard year, so roughly 365 days. After that, if things in personal life keep up the way they have, I may have to stop daily doodles and instead will post only if I have time. That likely means doodles every other day or every three days or something. At the very least I’ll still post a doodle once a week.

Not to worry though! I’ll still try my best even after I reach day 365 :)

I’ll discuss how things work a little more on my main @miizori later, but that’s as much as I can think to explain rn.

———————————————

Just a few more things I wanted to say!

This community has been so cool to interact with, so much tamer than some others I’ve been apart of in the past. I’m genuinely thankful for how much support and how nice everyone has been. I truly didn’t expect to get this far, I was fully expecting to have stopped like 10 doodles in lol. I especially love to see all your comments in the tags and people sharing their art. You’re all so cool :)))

I have a dtiys from back when I reached 300 followers that’s still available if you’re feeling up to it!

Also my main (again, @miizori) is where I make updates on doodle stuff, regular art stuff and so on if you’re interested at all in that lol

I think that’s all that I can remember wanting to say, so thanks!! I look forward to more doodles for you all :)

#hollow knight #silksong #hk hornet #hollow knight hornet #silksong hornet #hk shade lord #shade lord #hollow knight shade lord #hollow knight fanart #hk fanart #silksongeveryday

494 notes · View notes

txttletale · 5 months

Note

Sorry if you posted about this before and I've missed it but are you arguing with anti-AI Art people (Specifically the ones deliberately ignoring or misrepresenting material facts) just on the basis that they're wrong? Or are you doing it to try to show that AI is going to be used anyway and they need to change the way they argue about it if they actually want to be productive with their goal of not having AI be harmful?

I suppose in truth I already seem to believe you're doing both at once, which is fine, but I guess what I'm really getting at is trying to prompt you for more of your own interpretation of the AI art discourse as a whole and how you feel about people calling you "Pro-AI" despise the fact that your economic beliefs inherently make you (from my very biased perspective) "more" "Anti-AI" than they are!

Sorry for the messy ask lol, you're just getting at a lot of thoughts I've been having trouble putting to words and want to see more!

yea i would absolutely describe my critiques of 'anti-AI' as coming from three separate but related places because there are three separate types of 'anti-AI art' talking points:

talking point type 1 is all the 'not real art / soullless / no effort' bullshit. i'm mostly critiquing these because they are fundamentally reactionary and profoundly silly and because i like talking about art and what art is and how it's made and shit.

type 2 is, to borrow a phrase from marx, "the economic shit". it's here that i think my critiques are more 'positive' than 'negative', as in, i think that these talking points are mostly coming from a reasonable place but are tactically misaimed -- my critiques here mostly amount to 'stop whining about midjourney and start unionizing your workplace because one of those will make a difference when AI comes for your job and the other won't"

type 3 is IP/copyright-brained petty-bourgeois mindset, arguments centering on ridiculously expansive concepts of 'theft' or 'plagiarism' and 'ownership'. they are superficially similar to type 2 arguments but instead of the fundamentally sympathetic and reasonable "i am worried i am going to be fired by my boss / no longer taken on by clients because of this new technology" they are instead arguing that they are either owed the hypothetical lost profits or royalties for every generated image. this is the type of argument i'm most vehemently against, because i think that all of these arguments essentially end in campaigning to strengthen copyright and IP law, something which i'm profoundly and fundamentally against.

sometimes people will make type 1 arguments when they fundamentally have type 2 concerns, but that just makes their type 2 concerns seem weaker and less worth taking seriously by association, which isn't good for us organized labour fans out there. but yeah these are all separate talking points -- i think i try to approach The Economic Shit with the 'you need to change how you think to achieve something productive' mindset, because of the three positions that's the one i have a fundamental political commonality and nominal shared goals with.

#ask #ai art

368 notes · View notes

zsupika · 3 months

Note

Would you mind sharing your thoughts For Love and Deepspace Boys, specifically what they need in their girls, their type? Thank you.

Love and deepspace boys' types

> my (oddly specific) thoughts on what the lnd boys' types would be

A/N: i really like this idea, so thank you for your request! Please, whoever reads this, don't take offense if my opinion doesn't suit you to your favorite, these are all just for fun <3 also these are longer than I expected lol so take these types lightly and let me know your thoughts in the comments and/or request more stuff like that! (also I didn't proofread so excuse any additional mistakes lol it's late and right now I can't bring myself to ×~×)

Xavier

Xavier would like someone who cares about him a lot

For example if he were to come home from a long mission, seeing you jump up from excitement from seeing him again, would make him melt

And when he gets hurt and you immediately come to him with a worried face, he'd adore you so much

I feel like he'd appreciate someone who's kinda quieter like he is

He likes moments were you just lay on the sofa and cuddle with each other without saying anything

It helps him relax and makes you two feel much closer

Words can't really convey how he feels about you so he prefers to show you by his actions, kinds similar to Zayne but I do think he'd make more of an effort to say it to you directly than Zayne

He'd like someone who's good with animals

Seeing how you care about them makes him feel soft inside

I also think he's a lot more bold in intimate moments than people might think so he'd like some who knows what they want in that regard

He likes when you tell him directly what you want

He also likes someone who's playfully and gets him flustered

He feels like he can let go and enjoy himself with you in that way

Zayne

He'd like a talker

Someone who talks a lot about how their day was and who asks him questions, making it easier to verbally communicate his feelings

He'd like having someone who understand how he feels without having to say it aloud

Having a partner that accepts that his job as a doctor is hard and his priority would be important for him aswell

He wouldnt neglect your relationship ofc but as a doctor saving people is your priority

So he'd want someone who doesn't take offense in that and understands him in that regard

He wouldn't want someone who's jealous really quickly

Someone who's confident in the relationship and who values trust and loyalty would be right for him

A bonus would be if you give good massages

He just sometimes needs them to relax

He'd appreciate you so much if you do that for him

He would like someone who's independent and takes good care of themself

I think he'd like someone who smells like/uses lavender parfum

Or any floras scent really but lavender helps him relax as well

I don't think he'd have any strong physical preference but I do think he'd appreciate if you take good care of your hands and nails

He would LOVE to look at your nails if you went to a nailsalon or if you painted them yourself

Bonus points if you painted little snowflakes or similar

He'd melt

He would like someone who gets hot easily in the summer so he can cool you down with his evol

It makes him feel strong and kinda protective like he can take care of you in that regard

Rafayel

Rafayel would like someone who's not very sensitive

He likes to make jokes that poke slight fun at you (in a playful way ofc) so he'd appreciate if you don't take them to seriously

Generally he'd love to have someone he can joke with

He'd someone he can playfight with cause its a lot of fun to him and makes him feel closer to you

To him it's really intimate to let someone that close to himself so he loves it if he can do that with you

He'd want someone who can appreciate the small things in life

And someone who appreciates art

Whether it might be looking at street art or going to museums, his heart would melt if you would start to talk about theories about the paintings and their meanings

He loves to see your face when you look at the drawings/paintings or whatever and would point out details that stand out to you

Bonus points if you're an artist yourself

He'd love to spend quiet time with you sketching or observing what you're doing

Physically, he'd like someone with interesting features

Whenever it may be your face, body, style or whatever, he'd like to see someone who stands out

He would want someone who talk with him when he's in the mood to and someone who he can spend quiet time with, without it getting awkward

He would love someone that teases him slightly

He'd pretend he doesn't like it but he actually does

For example if he were to (playfully) ignore you or something, he'd want you go try and talk to him until he gives in and talks again

He wouldnt like it if you just ignored him aswell.. It would bore him and make it seem like you don't care about him

Back to the physical features, I feel like one of his favorite things would be if you had an interesting mole or something like two eyecolors

He'd also like someone who doesn't complain too much

His clothes are pretty much always somehow covered in paint, aswell as his hands and sometimes face

If you were to always complain about that, he wouldn't like that

He'd need someone who laughs about it and helps him clean it up instead of throwing a fit

I think he'd also like someone who'd like to take baths with him

Not necessarily in a sexual way but just in a normal way

Basically you two washing each other, it makes him feel closer to you

He'd like someone who's comfortable with that

I think he'd also like someone who comes behind him to hug him or surprisingly showers him in kisses

It makes him feel appreciated if you'd make the first move

317 notes · View notes

shirecorn · 5 months

Note

Your reindeer designs give me such childish joy I can't wait to see the rest. What's your process (aka any advice) for designing from scratch with something like just a name or concept?

Redbubble (buy reindeer swag) || Patreon (see all early!) || Ko-fi

See more free tutorials!

You can see my process unfold in real time by joining any tier of my patreon discord. Which doesn't even have to go through patreon! If you want, you can just pay me $20 and let you in for a year (and then lose track and probably keep you anyway)

Here's a preview using comet! (nevermind the preview thing I wrote you a whole lecture lol)

initial sketches in 2021:

Revisited in 2022 and 2023

I was constantly asking which design was the weakest, why, and how to fix it. Whenever I tested without the magical comet behind it, people could only guess who comet was by process of elimination.

I didn't want to rely on throwing icons into the design. I wanted each one to communicate through shape and silhouette alone. It would be like drawing a little cherub with a bow and arrow floating along with cupid. If you have to include a nametag to communicate, your design can be improved.

So I tried a few different strategies to say "comet" before I realized I could twist the antlers into any shape I wanted. I was worried I would have to discard the drawing and restart from scratch! Which is what I did for rudolph about 6 times before I had a breakthrough.

Then I gave my patrons a brief lesson in antlers to explain where and why I was placing the tines. When I stray from the caribou structure, I do so knowingly in order to achieve something that cannot be achieved within the caribou shape, like dancer's tutu. Know the rules before you break them. My goal is to make animal nerds (myself chief among them) happy when they see species-specific anatomy instead of cop outs.

I tried a few things before figuring out antlers could become comet

Another thing that often caribou have is an unsymmetrical "spork" that comes forward off only one antler. I figured this out by looking at hundreds of reindeer pictures and saving them to my reference folder. A few of my designs have this, that's what the little spiral is in the final comet antler design.

When I put comet in my lineup, I realized that the antlers I drew were way more stylized, chunky, and "tribal" than the others. I had already changed the proportions on one of my designs to match, so then I had to hack away at the basic comet rack to make it look natural.

I already knew that comet's colors would be easy because a basic reindeer already Has the big comet on the shoulder. But here's a peak at all the reindeer images I posted for my patrons to look at.

As you can see below, I chose reindeer markings for all my designs instead of other deer or animals. Even vixen is tied to actually possible reindeer patterns rather than copy-pasting a fox. Almost all of my designs have light-colored anklets on dark colored legs, which is very common with caribou of any color. This is the sort of thing no one tells you; you have to observe it yourself.

Ft cupid's early design! I was continually testing out my reindeer silhouettes and colors on new people, taking their feedback, and fixing what wasn't clicking.

I know I could have made vixen sexy and curvy to play into a recognizable trope, but I really wanted them to be scary and fox-like. Sometimes you gotta do what you want and not what you think will appeal to audiences. Reindeer Days is a purposeful exercise in audience resonance. Most of my art is 100% me and what I feel like doing with no regards to anyone else. So it was a fun challenge!

My patrons also got to see me making fun of corporate designs for recognizably/cliches at the expense of literally anything good

One of these is going to get a lot more "that must be vixen!" results from people who aren't constantly thinking about animal colors, markings, hunting strategies, and teeth.

And one rocks.

Vixen changed the least from the initial 2021 concept!

A Vixen is a female fox. In english slang, it means a cunning, fierce human woman, and sometimes sexually attractive or promiscuous. Quite often an insult to someone because she won't date you!

But to me, a vixen is an animal. A predator.

When designing to reference something, I like to hit it at multiple angles, referencing obscure trivia about something to delight and educate. This is done by researching a topic deeply, far below surface level and beyond what you think you need to make your design. Or in my case its just knowing a bunch of animal trivia already.

After researching/dredging your knowledge, sit there and Think. Don't draw anything. Come up with several ideas and then throw them all in at once for the ultimate trivia design.

Trivia about red foxes:

They have Long bushy tails

They have teeth that include large sharp canines, flat incisors, triangular premolars, and chunky molars with points on them that slide scissor-like with the molars above to cut meat via chewing

They hunt rodents in burrows under the snow by jumping into the air, arcing, and slamming down with their face through the snow

They are orange

They have a dark vertical stripe on their snout

They have black legs, with the backs and bottoms being orange

Translated into the design:

Pose based on a fox jumping, about to land in the snow

Antlers twisted to resemble teeth

Long (for a reindeer) bushy tail

black mark on snout

Some adjustment to the pose to be at the top of the arc and flow better.

Tinkering with the design to make it recognizable but not 100% copypasta fox

I was finally happy with a design that absolutely showed "fox" while still being creative and plausibly caribou shaped. This would absolutely communicate who it is! I thought!

The most obvious one of the bunch! After all, everyone knows what a vixen is!

Nope! No they do not

Want to be part of the design process, help me with WIPs months before everyone else, see exclusive doodles every day, and join a funky little community?

(you also get to see photos of my dog)

Connect your discord to your patreon and join any tier to automatically get added to the server. Not a fan of patreon or monthly subscriptions? message me here, on ko-fi, or via email (shirecorn.art@ gmail.com) and ask if you can pay $20 to get put in the server for at least a year and longer if we work it out later!

This was supposed to be a preview to get you to pay me but instead I wrote an entire lecture for free because I can't help myself.

Want to thank me for the free info? Tag me when you use what you learned! Comment and give feedback! If I could pay rent with attention I would never need anything else in life.

You can also thank me by tipping my ko-fi! I use it to buy pens since I die if I have caffeine. But could you imagine??

#shire screams #shire draws #art tips #art tutorial #character design #character design tutorial #tutorial #behind the scenes #design tutorial #design tips #reindeer days #ask #ramble machine

227 notes · View notes

froggibus · 11 months

Text

Would They Wear A Friendship Bracelet? - Scaramouche, Xiao, Kazuha, Childe, Diluc & Itto

Includes: Scaramouche/Wanderer, Xiao, Kazuha, Childe, Diluc and Itto

Genre: fluff, could be considered crack

Summary: how they would react to receiving a friendship bracelet + would they wear it

CW: Scara is a brat, Xiao is a trog, general fluff and cuteness all around, some characters may be a lil OOC, (spoiler) of course they’re gonna wear it forever

i thought this was a cute idea and given ive been on a bit of a bracelet making kick, this happened lol. my first time writing any of these characters so im sorry if the lore is messy or they're ooc <3

————

Scaramouche/Wanderer:

looks at the bundle of navy, gold and red string in disgust

“you expect me to wear this? tsk, another one of your menial childish crafts.”

lowkey hurts your feelings

like you know he’s the most tsundere mf on the entire planet but sometimes he just goes too far

you avoid him for the rest of the day after that

of course the minute you leave he’s tying it to his wrist

he will never take it off either. it’s now his most prized possession

next time you see him, you’re still a little upset about how he reacted

until he’s talking about something completely unrelated and you notice him fidgeting with something on his wrist

he’s running his fingers across it, an action that brings him comfort (and reminds him that no matter what he’s done, you still care about him)

never mention it to him tho or else he’ll pretend like he’s doing it just to appease you

Xiao:

his cheeks are instantly red

“you—you’re gifting this to me? to do what?”

looks at you in utter fascination while you explain what it is

he adores the idea of carrying a physical object to commemorate your relationship

his hand is probably shaking when you gently grab him to tie the bracelet around his wrist

and of course his face erupts into an inferno

he’s never been handled with so much care before, and the sight of you tying a symbol of your affection into him is enough to make his heart race

you pull away with a smile, “there you go. you can always take it off if it bugs you or you don’t like it.”

he shakes his head

he’s never taking it off

he’ll probably find some sort of adepti magic to bind it to him so he’ll never lose or break it

on long night when he misses you, he finds himself playing with the strings and thinking of you

Kazuha:

his eyes are practically sparkling when you present it to him

“it’s wonderful, my love. like falling leaves in the autumn sunlight”

a little hesitant to put it on at first

he’s just worried he’ll lose it during all of the adventuring he does

you’re a little sad when you see he’s not wearing it tho

and of course he loves you so much and all he wants is for you to be happy

he offers you a gentle smile and asks if you’ll help him put it on since he totally can’t do it himself

obviously you happily oblige and tie it to his wrist with the biggest smile

he spends a solid five minutes admiring it

kinda weird but also feel like he would kiss it??

whenever he’s away on long journeys, he always has you close

and whenever he misses you, he stares at that symbol of your love and remembers that you’re out there waiting for him

Childe:

definitely not the first one he’s received

teucer has almost definitely made him some before

of course, yours is a little different

“I love it, babe”

wears it EVERYWHERE

like this Fatui harbinger is always wearing this adorable little string bracelet

you’d think it would take away from his reputation but people are equally as afraid of him

he can’t just let you give him such a thoughtful gift without giving anything in return

so he sets out to make you your own bracelet

honestly it’s really rough

his hands aren’t made for arts and crafts

but even if it is slightly misshapen and filled with holes, you accept it happily

the thought that he sat down and spent time trying to make it for you is enough to make you tear up

he ties it to your wrist and plants a kiss over the bracelet

“there, now we match”

Diluc:

honestly you’re a little worried giving it to him

it feels stupid and dorky and he’s always dressed to the nines

but as soon as he sees it, his face lights up

“you made this for me?”

you shift from side to side and awkwardly look at the floor. “yes…”

“thank you, darling. care to help me put it on?”

all of your worries melt away though

this man loves you to the point he would practically do anything to you

and seeing how cute and nervous you were giving him something you handmade just for him?

it’s enough to make him melt

he examines the bracelet in the light, nodding at your handiwork

he’ll always have it on him one way or another

whether it’s on his wrist, or in his hair, or attached to his keys or hidden somewhere when he’s the Darknight Hero

but it’s with him no matter what, just like you <3

Itto:

he cries

like actually cries when you give it to him

he’s seen other people exchanging them, especially as a kid, and always wanted one

but of course as an oni, resigned himself to a friendship bracelet-less life

“f-for me?”

he has that cute pouty look on his face and full on sobs when you nod at him with that big smile on your face

stops crying long enough to attempt to put it on

struggles tho cause his big ass hands aren’t meant for delicate things like that

so he sheepishly asks for your help

he is never going to take the bracelet off

like ever

probably cuddles with his wrist at night just to have it close

(also probably loses it a million times without even realizing it—but don’t worry, Shinobu is there every time to pick it back up and sneak it into his pocket)

536 notes · View notes

annymation · 5 months

Text

Reimagining the characters in Wish

(Part 1- Asha)

Hey guys! I don’t really know how to start this, but let’s just say that I… Didn’t like how Disney’s 100th anniversary movie turned out, like at all.

But I can tell there was a lot of unexplored potential beneath this story, that in my opinion felt overly simple and bare bones.

But if you love it, that’s awesome, more power to you, I wish I could’ve loved it too. And I don’t want to rewrite it to show I’m “better than the writers at Disney” because I’m definitely not lol, I have no experience in writing, and I’m sure they put a lot of passion into the project and I respect them for that. But this movie inspired me with ideas for a different story that I think is worth telling.

But I won’t start telling it today, instead, I'll start a series of blogs sharing my ideas for changes in the characters and their stories, after I get some feedback I will start posting more of the story itself.

If you’re interested, then come along!

Asha✨

Personality

- Asha is a 18 year old girl, with a passion for drawing and helping those around her, sometimes even worrying more about helping others than helping herself

- She’s like a big sister to her 7 friends, always being the voice of reason and acting responsible, but not in a bossy way, she’s actually very playful with them

- To the people of Rosas tho, she's seen as kind of a weirdo, for you see, she spends almost every time of the day drawing in her sketchbook

- She practices everyday to become a better artist, and the people of Rosas find this to be very peculiar, after all, why would you take so much effort to perfect a talent when you can simply wait to turn 18 and wish for the king to make you an amazing artist?

- Asha doesn’t mind these comments, although they have made her less willing to share her drawings with others that aren’t her 7 friends

- As the story progresses we see Asha flourish from a shy and introverted girl to a brave woman who after discovering a terrifying secret about the kingdom’s rulers, steps in and inspires others to join her and fight an evil sorcerer king and his alchemist wife (yes, I made Amaya an alchemist, more on that on part 2 when I talk about how I’d change Magnifico and Amaya)

- Some Disney characters that share similarities with her personality wise are: Belle, Tiana, Pocahontas and Esmeralda

Main Traits:

Calm and mature

Determined

Passionate about her interests (drawing, dancing, philosophy and stars)

Helpful and generous

Perceptive and always questioning things around her that no one pays attention to (like why do all the artists only paint the King and Queen?)

Playful

Compassionate

Backstory

Oooh boy I gave this poor girl so much angst, okay let’s go

Asha grew up with her grandfather, her parents both died in a fire when she was just a baby

(this isn’t just to fit the “haha Disney princess has no parents” cliche, there’s plot relevance in this “mysterious fire” that I’ll talk about later)

Growing up with her grandpa, he’d always support her dream to be an artist, like her mother, who was an art teacher

Her mother not only drew really well, but she also was able to create the illusion that her drawings could move, by flipping through the pages of her sketch books

In other words, her mom was an animator

Asha saw this technic her mom used as a form of magic, so she would often tell her grandpa she wanted to “Do magic just like my mom”

Her father was a philosopher (this was established in the actual movie but never explored haha whyyyy), who taught people that working hard to achieve your dreams is not only rewarding, but also essential, because it’s part of the human nature to persevere and fight for what we believe, even if we fail, even if it’s hard, just keep moving forward.

This philosophy may sound very “umm duh” for me and you since we all know and hear everywhere nothing in life comes for free… But that’s not the case in Rosas

In this rewrite the kingdom wasn’t created by Magnifico, but rather the kingdom has existed for many generations, being ruled by different kings before Magnifico who also granted wishes… but I’m getting ahead of myself.

The point is that the culture of just asking the king to give you or make you whatever you want to be has been in this kingdom’s culture since forever, so when Asha’s dad comes out saying “hey! Maybe we should stop just relying on the king to make our dreams come true, right?” He’s actually being quite a revolutionary… and sharing a very dangerous belief to other people…

At this point you might suspect what caused that “mysterious fire”

So, back to Asha, growing up with her grandpa, they shared a lot of happy memories together. Reading her father's books and her mother's art books helped Asha connect with them even tho she never had them in her life.

But as her grandfather grew older, he became senile.

Asha went from being taken care of by her grandpa to being the one who took care of him when she was still around 13 years old, and when she turned 15 her grandfather passed away of old age

Asha went on to live with her best friend Dahlia, the two became like sisters.

Though she managed to move on from the loss of her grandfather, she could never shake the feeling that he died without getting his wish granted... But she had no way to prove that, it was just a feeling

The wish granting system works different in my rewrite, instead of there being a public wish granting ceremony once a month, there would only be a public wish TAKING ceremony, that would work just like in the movie, you turn 18, you go give your wish to the king yada yada yada.

But the wish granting part would work like this: Almost every night the king would release the wishes up in the sky, they would float down like balloons to their respective owners while they sleep, and once they woke up in the morning they'd feel that their wishes were granted, for they would wake up changed.

With this method, there's no way of confirming if someone really got their wish granted or not, unless you went to ask the king.

Asha never did ask the king if he granted her grandfather's wish, but her grandfather would sometimes express how he wasn't feeling completely fulfilled in his life, he felt like there was something... missing.

This feeling of hollowness persisted in him until the very end, no matter how hard Asha tried to help her grandfather, she never knew him as his real self, because he gave part of his soul to the king, the most beautiful part of his soul, his wish.

Asha had no proof that her grandfather didn't get his wish granted, only a gut feeling.

But because of this, Asha wasn't that thrilled to give her own wish to king magnifico, knowing there was the possibility of it never being granted.

Not to mention she didn’t even know what to wish for, “I’m just 18 and you guys expect me to already know what’s my heart’s deepest desire? I’m still figuring that out, all I know is that I wanna draw”

Plus she wanted to follow her father's philosophy and achieve her wish on her own, eventually, when she figured out what her wish even was.

Asha never rebelled against the system tho, she wasn't a confrontational person. She just accepted the people of Rosas preferred to rely on the king's magic, but that just wasn't for her.

However, on her 18 birthday, when it was expected of her to give her wish to the king, she simply said she didn't have a wish, and even if she did she wouldn’t want to hand it over, she wanted to make it come true on her own. This lead to an argument with the king, and after a series of events (that I don't have time to summarize here, but you can find out about it on my rewrite) leads to her finding out a terrible truth about her kingdom. And that's how her story begins.

Design

- I’d keep these braid ornaments that Asha had in the concept art

- Since in my rewrite she’s not that invested in the kingdom of Rosas, I’d remove all the Kingdom of Rosas symbols that are present in her design (there are a LOT of them)

- I’d replace these Rosas insignia with more star and constellations themed symbols, to reflect how Asha believes that the stars are connected to people and they can guide us, just like how her father believed.

Final Thoughts

My intentions with these changes were to give Asha a strong emotional hook, and something that makes her feel relatable.

The emotional hook here is how she spent so much of her life taking care of her grandfather that she kinda never had time to worry about her own desires, that alone can be relatable to caregivers of elderly people that watch their grandparents or even their own parents lose themselves as time passes, and end up worrying more about the person they’re taking care of than themselves.

Asha has this internal emotional conflict where she feels she needs to constantly help others the same way she helped her grandfather, and one of the things she’ll learn as the story progresses is that it’s not selfish of her to want more for HERSELF.

Another thing that would be relatable about Asha is her passion for drawing, and how most people in Rosas would say she’s wasting her time practicing so much when she can just wait until she turns 18 and wish to be amazing at drawing.

She’d never stop believing that taking her time to improve on her talent and trying again and again was worth every second of her time, because let me tell ya folks, drawing is HARD, and animating like Asha’s mom did is even HARDER, it takes a whole lot of practice, and Asha was determined to keep trying.

She’d be much like Belle, remaining true to herself even tho those around her considered her odd, and very passionate about drawing just as much Belle was passionate about reading.

I also find it funny how Asha’s motivations are fairly down to earth, like in Disney movies you usually have:

I want to be free from these palace walls!

I want to explore the ocean!

I want to open a restaurant!

I want to find true love!

And then there’s Asha here like

“My life is fine, I just wanna chill and draw stuff”

And that’s it, but, in her environment where everyone is expected to have this great wish that they have to give to the king so he’ll make it a reality, she’s kinda the odd one out, and I love that. Would be a great subversion of the Disney formula.

Of course after she learns Magnifico and Amaya’s true intentions she gets a lot more agency and the desire to save her people, her “call for adventure” if you will.

But what are Magnifico and Amaya’s true intentions? Click here for part 2 and find out!

Thank You For Reading!

#disney wish #wish #reimagined #rewrite #disney #wish 2023 #wish asha #wish star #king magnifico #wish movie #wish disney #wish rambles #wish rewrite #Asha #long post #wishrewrite

349 notes · View notes

mandos-mind-trick · 9 months

Text

See You In My Sleep

Summary: After months of silence, your soulmate reappears in your dream space desperate for help. You're desperate to save him, but you're just a bakery owner from Coruscant.

Pairing: Howzer x reader Soulmate AU

Warnings: NSFW, smut, unprotected sex, soulmate AU, PTSD, nightmares, fluff, angst.

A/N: Man, I've been rather long winded with my fics lately. This one has taken the cake (lol) for the longest soulmate fic to date. I'm terrified of posting this once as I've never written for Howzer before, but I hope I did him justice.

MASTERLIST

It’s been months.

You haven’t spoken to your soulmate in months.

It wasn’t that unusual for you to go periods of time without speaking to him, but those only lasted days, at the most a couple weeks. Months, though? That was unheard of.

It makes you worry.

You know things have been happening, things that aren’t quite right. The sudden change from the Republic to the Empire with the end of the war was enough to have anyone paying attention raising an eyebrow. With your soulmate’s direct involvement, it only has you questioning things more.

You know things, things most people don’t, about the Empire and its agenda. You’ve heard things that have been happening, things your soulmate has taken part in. Things he’d been questioning lately.

You hope he’s alright.

You share a dream space with your soulmate. When you’re both asleep at the same time, you can slip into a shared dream that allows you to see and speak with each other. Sometimes you can even share images with each other. Places, things, events.

You can tell when it’s going to happen. Instead of drifting off like normal, it feels almost like you’re leaving your body, ascending into some higher plane. The world goes white for a moment before you’re there, standing together. You can’t touch, but you can get close enough to see the details of each other’s faces.

The first time it happened, it took you by surprise. You hadn’t understood it at first, and most of what you saw were blurry, indistinguishable shapes around you. It had felt very cold and uninviting, even despite the fact you couldn’t make out what you were seeing.

You always felt well rested upon waking, despite not feeling like you had slept at all.

You had brushed it off as exhaustion, stress, some strange vivid dream. You had tried not to think about it too much, until it happened a second time.

Once again, it had all been blurry shapes moving around in that cold, sterile place. You had entertained insanity for a moment upon waking, but you didn’t feel crazy. You felt well rested and almost comforted by the strange experience.

It didn’t happen every night. You sometimes went a week or two without the strange floating and white place. As time went on, the images began to shift. They became a bit clearer, though you still couldn't understand what you were seeing. There was nothing indicative of a place or people or anything that looked familiar to you. It was more like looking into an abstract piece of art.

As the years passed, things became a bit clearer. Images became things you could recognize, though you didn’t always understand what they meant.

It was a couple years before the war started that you met him for the first time.

He seemed equally confused by his appearance in your dream. It didn't feel quite right. He seemed too aware for a dream, too real. He was young, just barely having reached adulthood, you would later figure out. He had told you he was a clone and was training for war.

You thought it ridiculous. The galaxy wasn’t at war. You knew galactic relations were getting to be tense. Living on Coruscant gave you a front row seat to the drama of the Senate. But to think it would come to war...that was far fetched.

It was only after a handful of interactions with Howzer that you figured out what was going on. You had done a bit of research on your strange dreams and had come to the conclusion it was your soulmate link, and Howzer was your soulmate.

When you told him during your next meeting, he had been upset. He told you about their rules regarding soulmates, but that most of them didn’t agree with it. He didn’t want to reject you, but he had to be careful. Thankfully, your shared dream space was easy to hide.

He grew quickly, a product of his enhancements as a clone. He spoke a lot about his training, about his fellow clones. The idea made you uneasy, especially with war nowhere in sight at least that you could tell, but there wasn’t much you could do. Even if you knew where he was, going to see him was not an option.

You weren’t supposed to know about his existence.

Not that you were going to tell anyone. You had no one to tell.

You’re just a humble bakery owner who lived among the trillions on Coruscant.

He liked to talk about you, about your life on Coruscant. He liked to hear about the outside world, about the goings on of everyday people. It made you a bit sad, that his entire life had been created for one purpose, for a war that might never come.

The war does come.

Your visits with Howzer become rarer as he ships out. You still manage to see each other, but you can tell as the war progresses how much it begins to weigh on him. You can see the dark circles, the exhaustion in his face as he joins you in your shared dream space. He talks a lot about the battles and losing men, his own brothers. You give him the space to unload it all, your own tears falling as you listen to the pain in his voice, sharing his sadness.

He has his own close calls. You’re there for the formation of every scar, every blemish. You worry about him, relishing every second you have with him.

He likes to hear about your life, which remained relatively unchanged, even with the war. If anything changed, it was the influx of customers at your bakery. You saw plenty of senate aides, and even the occasional Coruscant Guard.

When the war ends, you don’t hear from him for a couple weeks. You’re not surprised, given how rapidly everything seems to change. You only get him back for a few weeks, though, before he disappears.

You often played over that last dream in your head as you waited and waited for his reappearance. You’ve tried everything you can think of to reconnect, even taking time off from your bakery to spend as much time as possible asleep in hopes you catch him, even for a moment.

Yet he remains absent.

So you continued on, pouring your worry into your work. You try not to think about it, but you can’t help it. You’ve begun to feel the yearning, the need to see him, hear him once more. Even if it’s just to make sure he’s alright. You want to see those deep, soulful eyes just one more time.

Even if the next dream that comes is a rejection.

***

It finally happens one night, when you’re least expecting it.

You were dozing off while watching a holofilm. You had an early morning, yet you were up late trying to relax. You were beginning to get anxious, itching under your skin in your need for Howzer.

It happens suddenly, your body floating before you’re surrounded by a familiar white glow. You nearly cry as you find yourself standing before him.

“Howzer.” You breathe his name in relief, a weight being lifted from your shoulders almost instantly.

He says your name, a tear sliding down your cheek. How you want to touch him, feel him, ensure he’s really here. You know though, deep in your bones. It’s really him. He’s really here.

He looks tired. There’s dark circles around his eyes, and his face seems thinner than normal.

“Howzer,” You breathe, staring at him with teary eyes. “What happened?”

“I don’t have a lot of time.” He says, and you can see the desperation on his face. “I was arrested by the Empire with some of my men. I’m not sure where we are, but there’s other clones here. Some of them have disappeared. Others are being moved.” He looks guilty. “I had to close off the connection to protect you. If they found out...you would have been in danger.”

You nod, a lump forming in your throat for a different reason. The relief you had felt is slowly ebbing away, replaced by anxiety. By fear. “Have you been able to see anything at all? Maybe...maybe I can try and find it. Or find someone that can help.”

He closes his eyes, the white space around you shifting, showing you a few images of things he had seen. It’s not much to go off of, but it’s something.

“Be careful.” He says. “Don’t try anything stupid.”

“What, like trying to invade an Imperial fortress with nothing but a whisk?” You crack the joke, but it lacks the normal light tone you would have used.

You can see the softening of his gaze, but his face doesn’t move. “I don’t know when I’ll be able to do this again.” If he’ll be able to do it again.

The reality of his situation is hitting you hard. He’s at the mercy of the Empire now. He has been for months. He’d cut off his contact with you to try and protect you, even though you know how badly you’ve both been suffering.

“Soon.” You say, determined. “I’m going to do everything I can to find you.”

He lifts his hand, almost like he wants to touch you, but he can’t. “Be careful.”

You want to say it back, but the dream fades before you can.

You wake alone on the couch, the image of his eyes painted at the front of your mind.

***

Your hands shake as you try to frost the cake in front of you. The shop will be opening in less than an hour, and you were behind on orders already. You can hardly focus, the dream with Howzer still fresh in your mind. He’s in trouble, he’s been in trouble this whole time. The fearful thoughts you had tried to suppress are coming back full force, threatening to spill over.

You put down your piping bag, taking a deep breath. You need to work. Going home will only make things worse. You’ll have nothing to do there but sit and worry all day. At least this will be a distraction.

You spot movement at the door, your one employee, Mina, arriving for her shift. You’ve known Mina since you were kids and would trust her with your life. You let her in, rubbing your eyes.

“You look like a bantha ran you over.” She says, dropping her things behind the counter.

You crack a small smile, but you’re certain it looks more like a grimace. “Just stressed.”

“Busy day?” She asks, pulling her apron on.

“Already behind.” You answer.

She stares at you for a few moments as you wash your hands. You try to ignore her as you grab the piping bag once more. “Well, whatever it is, you worry about the cakes. I’ll handle the customers.”

She goes about setting up the lobby, allowing you the chance to try and get caught up with your cake orders. It was like half the people on Coruscant were all celebrating something today.

Mina turns on the holoTV, the end of a news broadcast popping up. The anchor’s going on about Senator Chuchi and her bold fight for clone rights despite having the majority of the Senate against her. The broadcast is saying less than favorable things about her, but you ignore it. Ever since the Empire took over, the news had become almost unbearable. Between fluff pieces and outright slander, it had become more of a coverup for things they didn’t want citizens finding out than actual news.

You pause for a moment, something flashing through your mind.

Senator Chuchi was very outspoken in her support of the clones. You have a clone that desperately needs help. If you could get Senator Chuchi to help, maybe you could find Howzer. But how would you get her to help? You couldn’t just walk into the Senate building and ask to see her. You’d have to give your reasoning for being there and that would put you on the Empire’s radar, or worse, get you arrested too.

Not to mention, you have no proof except your own words. You had tried to search for anything that might look like what Howzer showed you, but you had turned up empty handed. That was partially why you were behind this morning.

But, a Senator would have more resources to investigate. Access to information it seemed the Empire didn’t want citizens to have.

You turn to look at Mina, setting down the piping bag once more. “Mina? Your sister still works as an aide, right?”

Mina pauses where she had been setting up chairs, looking at you. “Yeah, why?”

“I-I need some help.” You say.

Mina didn’t know much of anything about your soulmate. It wasn’t so much that you didn’t trust her, but more that you weren’t sure how to approach the subject. Mina had met her soulmate not long after you both graduated school. She was a sweet Twi’lek who worked as an event planner. You’ve collaborated several times before in the past. Mina would understand your desperation, maybe enough to convince her sister to help you.

You take a deep breath. “I need to speak with Senator Chuchi. It’s about a group of clones.”

Mina frowns. “What are you doing getting involved with clones?”

You should tell her. If you can get Howzer help, if he gets rescued, you’d like to bring him here. You’d like to have him in your life. She’s going to see him eventually. She’ll have to know eventually.

You step out from behind the counter, pulling her back into the kitchen. You stand close to her, speaking quietly. It was unlikely anyone would overhear you with the door still locked, but you couldn’t be too careful. Not in this situation.

“I need you to promise you won’t breathe a word of what I’m about to tell you to anyone. Even your sister.” You say.

She stares into your eyes for a moment before she nods. “I promise.”

“I’m trusting you with this. If any of this gets out, it will take down both of us.”

She gulps, but nods. You take a deep breath, planning out what and how you’re going to tell her this.

“My soulmate is a clone,” You begin, her eyes widening at your words. “We share a dream connection. I didn’t hear from him for months, but last night he contacted me. He was arrested a few months ago by the Empire. I think he’s in trouble. I have to help him, but I don’t even know where he is.”

Mina stares at you in silence for a few moments, processing your words. It’s a lot, not to mention it’s dangerous what you’re saying. Howzer would be in deeper trouble if the wrong person found out about your connection, not to mention you would be in a lot of trouble.

You don’t want to be on the Empire’s radar.

“You think Senator Chuchi might be able to help?” Mina asks.

“I have to try.” You say. “I have to do everything I can.”

Mina’s silent for a few more moments before she sighs. “I can ask Shera when she comes in to meet with us later when she has time.”

Tears fill your eyes as you nod. “Thank you, Mina.”

She nods. “Just...if you get caught, pretend you don’t know me.”

You laugh. “Of course. You’re just my employee after all.”

***

“I had to pull a lot of strings, but she agreed to see you.” Shera says as soon as she steps through the door.

Shera was an aide for Senator Organa of Alderaan. She was one of your regulars, and not just because her sister was your single employee. You liked to think she was the reason you got so many Senate aides in your shop in the morning.

When you spoke to her, you hadn’t given much detail aside from needing to speak to Senator Chuchi about something relating to clones, and with a promise of free pastries and cakes from your bakery for life, she had agreed.

You breathe a sigh of relief at her words. You’ve got a long way to go, but at least this was a foot in the door. A chance to try and help Howzer. “Thank you. I’m forever indebted to you.”

She smirks. “You’re just lucky I like you. And your cakes are so damn good.”

“I meant it.” You say, pushing a box across the counter. “For life.”

“I will be taking you up on that.” She says, taking the box. “Tomorrow, after you close. She’ll send someone to pick you up.”

You let out a long breath. It’s really happening. “Thank you.”

Shera opens the box, pulling out a pastry and taking a bite. She waves her hand, mumbling with her mouth full as she turns, making her way to the door.

You just have to make it to tomorrow.

***

“Wait here.”

You shift nervously on your feet, half expecting the Coruscant Guard to suddenly appear and arrest you for conspiracy or treason or something. Your hand brushes your pocket where the datastick is safely sitting, making sure it’s still there and hasn’t disappeared into thin air.

You wait anxiously, trying not to look nervous or suspicious. You are nervous. You’ve never spoken to a Senator before, much less about something so sensitive. You don’t have concrete evidence, only Howzer’s word and your meager research. Despite how outspoken you know she is about clones and their rights, she has no reason to believe you.

You wouldn’t blame her if she turned you away.

You had tried not to stare at the clone that had picked you up. Despite his disguise, you know he’s a clone. You’d know that face, those eyes anywhere.

You miss Howzer.

Even though you have yet to meet in person, you miss his face and his voice and his presence. You’re worried for him. You know he’s not dead, you would have felt it if he was, but there could be any number of unimaginable things happening to him right now. Your hand brushes your pocket once more, making sure the datastick is still there, that it hasn’t disappeared into thin air.

Footsteps approach, making your heart flutter. You’re sure you look like the nervous wreck you feel. You take a steadying breath as she appears, flanked by two other clones. She greets you by name, surprising you.

“It’s nice to meet you, Senator Chuchi.” You say. “Thank you for seeing me.”

“Of course.” She gives you a small smile. “Shera said you may have some information on clones in need of help.”

You nod, shifting nervously on your feet. You had practiced what you were going to say over and over all day. “My soulmate is a clone and we share a dream space.” You start, telling her the truth in hopes it will help you. “He suddenly stopped contacting me a few months ago and then out of the blue a couple days ago he reappeared. He said he’d been arrested by the Empire and taken prisoner. He wouldn’t go into much detail, but he seemed worried. He said wherever he’s being held, there’s other clones there too. He was able to give me glimpses and I tried to do some research, but every time I tried to dig deeper, the holonet wouldn’t let me.”

Senator Chuchi nods. “The Empire is locking down parts of the holonet. They don’t want civilians accidentally stumbling across something that might give them ideas.”

You frown. All those feelings you’ve been having about the Empire seem to only become more and more validated at every turn. You reach into your pocket, pulling out the datastick. “I managed to narrow it down to a few places. I couldn’t do much else.”

She takes the datastick. “I know someone who might be able to figure out where they are. We’ll do everything we can to rescue them.”

“Thank you.” You say, tears springing to your eyes once more. You had been expecting the worst, and now there’s a glimmer of a chance that Howzer might be found and rescued.

“If they find something, you’ll be the first to know.” She says, giving you a reassuring smile.

You trust her, even though you know next to nothing about her. She could be lying, but the genuine look on her face, and how bravely she fought for clone rights in a Senate that had been against her tells you otherwise.

All you can do is hope your research is enough, and they can find Howzer and the others before something bad happens.

***

A few days pass in tense anticipation. There's still no word from Howzer, and no word from Senator Chuchi either. You know it has to take time, but you want to know faster. Have they been able to find them? Was your research enough? Had you been completely wrong and they had to start from scratch?

You keep yourself busy at the bakery as you had been doing for the last few months. You've waited years for this, for the chance to meet Howzer. You can wait a few days if it means they have a better chance of finding them safely.

You just hope it's not too late.

You were closing up shop, planning to spend your evening worrying and sleeping as you had been doing lately in hopes of hearing from someone, when Senator Chuchi arrived in person at your shop. It was a rare occasion you got an actual Senator in your shop.

"Senator Chuchi," You greet her from behind the counter where you had been boxing up leftover pastries to set out in front of your shop for those from below who roamed the upper levels in search of food or handouts. "How can I help you?"

She approaches the counter, a small smile on her face. "I have good news. They've found him."

You stare at her in shock for a moment, your brain trying to process what you had just heard. You've been waiting days for this, your mind thinking up every situation, every way this could happen. "What?" You ask in disbelief, your brain short-circuiting.

"They're on their way back here as we speak." She says. "Tomorrow when you close, I will have someone meet you to pick you up."

You nod slowly, your brain trying to catch up. "They found him." You say it, almost like you're trying to convince yourself it's real.

She smiles, nodding. "He's on his way here now."

Nerves begin to bubble in your stomach. Though you've spent years speaking to him, seeing him, you're nervous at the prospect of finally getting to see him in person. You know what he looks like, what he sounds like, what his personality is like. Yet, you've never met in person. You've never been able to touch him, to smell him, to really be with him.

Your heart is pounding with nerves and excitement as you see Senator Chuchi out, locking the door behind you. In a matter of hours you'll be going to see Howzer. You never thought this day would come. You never thought it would actually be real.

***

The hours pass by slowly. Despite the busy hours at the bakery, time seems to move in slow motion as you wait for the end of your day. As you wait for the time to come. As you wait for Howzer's arrival. You've been lost in thought all day, fighting nerves and insecurities.

It was ridiculous to think Howzer wouldn't like you. You've seen him, and he's seen you. If he didn't like you, he wouldn't have bothered spending hours upon hours getting to know you, baring his soul to you. If he didn't like you, he would have rejected you like he was supposed to.

You're a little afraid because you know Howzer is different now. You could see the difference in him after months of whatever had happened to him. You’d support him as best you could, even if you couldn’t completely understand.

You’re just worried he might get into his own head.

You’d take him no matter what, simply because it means you’ll finally get to have him with you.

If he wants to.

You try not to think about it. You try not to let your insecurities get in your way as you wait patiently for your escort.

When they finally arrive you feel like your heart may jump right out of your throat. It’s a different clone than the one that had taken you to meet Senator Chuchi the first time. You’re too nervous to speak on the trip to the location, thinking up how this scenario could play out over and over in your head. What are you going to say?

You should have thought of this beforehand.

Your stomach lurches as you land. You stare at the open door of the garage, at the light shining out from inside. Howzer’s in there. He’s in there, and he’s waiting for you. Your hands are shaking, and you’re not entirely sure you’re going to be able to stand.

You have nothing to be afraid of. It’s so irrational, yet you can’t make yourself move. You know you should. You have to. The poor clone that drove you here won’t wait forever.

You’re so close. So close. He’s right there.

“You alright?” The clone that had escorted you asks.

You turn to look at him, swallowing the lump in your throat. “Yeah. Nervous.”

He nods. “I would be too. So I can confidently say, he’s probably just as nervous.” He gives you a small smile. “He didn’t come all this way for nothing.”

He’s right. You’re a bit silly being so nervous. “What’s your name?” You ask.

“Nitro, ma’am.” He says, nodding at you.

“Thank you, Nitro.”

You take a breath before pulling yourself out of the speeder. You steady yourself, trying desperately to push down the butterflies as you make your way into the garage.

Tears spring to your eyes as they spot him. He has his back to you, but you can tell right away. You just know it’s him. Gone are the words you had thought up, the practiced speech you’d thought up on the way over of what you would say, how you would approach him.

“Howzer?” Your voice shakes as you say his name.

His back straightens, body turning slowly to face you. Tears threaten to blur your vision as you see him, just as he looked in your dreams. His brow furrows for a moment as he stares at you before his brows lift in surprise and disbelief. He whispers your name, almost like he’s afraid you might disappear if he speaks it too loudly.

You’re suddenly moving, feet carrying you and before you realize it, you’re standing right in front of him. You stare at his face, every detail, every line that you had spent hours memorizing in your dreams.

His hand slowly lifts, just like it had in your dream. Only, this is real. There’s nothing keeping you from touching each other now. His fingers brush your cheek, the rough pads ghosting across your skin like he’s making sure you’re really real. Sparks erupt under your skin at the touch, the first touch you’ve ever shared.

You close the distance between you, wrapping your arms around him. He tenses for a moment, before he’s wrapping his own arms around you. The tears begin to fall, dampening his shirt as you cry for the months of solitude, the months of suffering he’d endured, the years you’ve both been waiting for this moment. The worry, the fear, the anxiety is melting away as you hold him, feeling him, ensuring he really is real.

You tighten your hold on him, hands grasping his shirt as you hold on for dear life. He’s so warm, his heart thumping under your ear.

“I’ve got you, mesh’la.” He whispers, leaning his head against yours. “I’m right here.”

“Months,” You sob, voice muffled by his shirt. “Months I didn’t hear from you. I thought something had happened...I thought-”

He shushes you, tightening his hold on you. “I’m here now.”

You let yourself relax in his hold, breathing him in. There’s a distinct metallic hint to his clothes, and the faint hint of sweat, but you’re not complaining.

You don’t want to pull away from him. You want to stay here holding onto him forever. Yet, you know you can’t.

You pull back slowly, meeting his gaze once more. His hand brushes your cheek once more, his palm warm against your skin.

“You’re even more beautiful in person.” He says, eyes shining as he stares at you.

Your cheeks heat up, so much he can probably feel it under his hand. You stare into those brown eyes, taking in every inch of him. “So are you.”

The corner of his lips pull up in a grin as your face heats even more. You hadn’t meant to say that out loud. He doesn’t seem to mind, though.

You lift your hand, pressing it against his where it’s still resting on your cheek. “I’m so glad you’re here.”

His thumb gently strokes your skin. “Me too.”

It’s like a weight has been lifted off your shoulders. Months of worrying, years of only having dreams to see and speak with each other had been taking its toll. The little relief you got from your shared dream space was nothing compared to having him in front of you.

You don’t want this feeling to end. Yet, you know there’s still so much standing in your way.

***

It’s late at night when you finally get back home. There had still been much to do after your arrival at the garage. Both you and Howzer had spoken to Senator Chuchi, and you had been introduced to the clones that had rescued Howzer, and the clones that had been part of Howzer’s squad.

Howzer had also been a bit hesitant to leave his men, but at their insistence he had left with you. It wasn’t like you were going that far, and you wouldn’t stop him if he wanted to return to see them, or to help the fledgling rebellion. You had been briefed on their operation and sworn to secrecy, though you wouldn’t even dream of revealing them.

“Here it is.” You say, leading Howzer inside the bakery. “My pride and joy.”

He smiles, glancing around. “It’s cuter in person.”

You had shown him images of your bakery in your shared dream space many times. When you’d bought the space, when you’d finished renovating, when you’d opened, and many times after as you changed aesthetics and decor.

You smile proudly. “I put a lot of work into her.”

He steps closer to you. "I can tell."

You stare up at him, getting lost in those eyes once more. You’re tempted to close the distance, but you don’t want to push too much. Especially not with him just having been rescued a few hours ago.

“I have one employee, Mina.” You say, breaking the silence as you show him around the bakery. “She sort of knows about you already. Her sister helped me get in to see Senator Chuchi.” You pause by the door that leads up to your apartment. “I’m sure you’ll meet eventually, but don’t worry. She’s basically family. I’d trust her with my life.”

You lead him up to your small apartment above the bakery. It’s not the most comfortable space, but it’s convenient and since it was just you, it worked.

You do wish you’d picked up a little before you left.

You have crates of new bakeware stacked everywhere, along with more supplies for the bakery on the kitchen counter. It’s not so much messy as just cluttered. You had been meaning to move the crates down to the kitchen downstairs, but that was a lot of work, and with everything going on, you were a bit distracted.

“Sorry, I’ll get this stuff cleared out tomorrow.” You say, stuffing a couple things in a crate before closing the top. You’re glad it’s the weekend and your bakery is closed. It will give you time to adjust, as well as figure some things out with Howzer.

You straighten up, meeting Howzer’s gaze. He’s watching you, an unreadable expression on his face. You shift on your feet, unsure of what to say. You hadn’t thought this far ahead. You had been so focused on his rescue and then meeting him, you hadn’t planned much else.

“You’re, uh, probably exhausted.” You say, breaking the silence. “You can have the spare bedroom.” You lead him across the living room to the door for the spare bedroom. “It doesn’t get used often,” You’re glad the bed is still made at least. “I don't remember the last time someone used it. There’s blankets in the closet if you get cold, but it gets pretty warm up here when the ovens are going in the kitchen downstairs. If you get too hot, you can turn on the air conditioning. I don’t bother since I’m downstairs most of the day and it cools off up here by the time I get done. Of course, we’re closed tomorrow so that won’t be much of a problem-”

A hand on your arm stops your rambling. You stare down at it for a moment before you follow it up to Howzer’s face. “It’s fine.” He says, giving you a small smile. “I think this is the nicest room I’ve been in.”

You open and close your mouth a few times. “That’s horribly depressing.”

His hand slides down your arm until he reaches your hand, taking it in his. “I’d sleep on the floor if it meant I could be close to you.”

Your cheeks warm once more, your stomach flipping at his words. “Well, I won’t make you do that. You can make yourself at home here. I’ll go out in the morning and pick up some stuff for you. I’m up pretty early usually anyway. Help yourself to anything you’d like, whenever you’d like.” You bite your lip, cutting off your rambling once more.

“Thank you.” He squeezes your hand gently. “For everything.”

“Well, I couldn’t just sit and do nothing.” You shrug. “I’m glad things worked out like they did.”

“Fate has a way of making sure things do work out.” He says, squeezing your hand.

“I guess it does.” You stare up into his eyes.

You stand there for a few moments, just staring at one another. It doesn’t seem uncomfortable, the silence between you. You know it will take some adjusting for both of you. Him more so, adjusting to a civilian life. A civilian life he has to hide in.

Senator Chuchi, and the other clones had cautioned both of you about anyone seeing Howzer. Especially since the Empire was aware of their interception and rescue. Though it was unlikely they’d send out a big search as that would warrant too much attention, if the wrong person saw Howzer, it would put both of you in danger.

It was worth the risk. Though you occasionally had some higher-profile customers, you weren’t worried about them. You could easily hide Howzer in your home, and you knew where to go if you ever needed to run. Coruscant was a big place. There were plenty of places to hide.

“I’ll, uh, let you get some sleep.” You say, pulling away from him, even though you feel you could stand there and stare at him for hours. “My room’s just off the kitchen. I’m a light sleeper so, just knock if you need anything.”

You back out of the room slowly, hesitant to leave him but you’re starting to feel the tiredness weighing down your limbs. You know he has to be tired too. You wonder how long it’s been since he’s gotten a good night’s sleep.

***

You settle into life with Howzer surprisingly easily. He tiptoes a bit, but you suppose that’s to be expected for someone new to civilian life. You return to a normal schedule at the bakery to keep up appearances. The last thing you need right now is for someone to suspect you of anything.

You don’t tell Mina right away about Howzer living upstairs in your apartment. You want to give things time to settle, time to cool down before you share his whereabouts. You feel a bit paranoid about everything, but if it keeps Howzer safe, then it’s worth it.

You haven’t used your dream space since he arrived. Though, with him being so close there wasn’t really a reason to. If you wanted to talk to him, he was only a room or a flight of stairs away. It feels surreal.

Despite being so close, you both tiptoe around each other a bit. You hadn’t really known what to expect once you had him in front of you. You’re not really sure anyone knows what to expect when they first meet their soulmate. You’d had the benefit of speaking to him long before you actually met him, so you already knew a lot about each other, but yet, there’s still hesitation there.

You don’t really know each other.

You’re a bit afraid to push, a bit afraid to start asking. He has to process it, and you want to give him time to do that. He’d given up a lot, risked a lot, and lost many of his men. That was just at the hands of the Empire. He had suffered through the war too.

He has nightmares often.

The first time you heard him, it had been in the quiet hours of the early morning. You’d woken and heard the rustling sheets as he fought whatever enemy he was facing, the quiet mutterings as he relieved whatever horrible thing he was facing.

You had debated getting up, but ultimately decided on it, not wanting to force him to continue to suffer through his nightmare. You got up and slipped to his room, watching his body jerk on the bed, brows pinched in a frown.

“Howzer?” You asked, stepping closer to the bed.

His eyes snapped open, body jerking upright. You suddenly found yourself with a blaster pointed at your chest. You stumbled back a step, gasping in shock. Clarity crosses his features, the blaster in his hand shaking as it stays pointed at you.

He curses, the blaster slowly lowering. You can see the guilt, the regret in his gaze. You slowly move to his side, gently peeling his fingers from around the blaster. You drop it on the bed behind you, sinking down next to him. You’re not sure when he had gotten the blaster, but you can understand why he would feel he needed it. He’d practically been born with a blaster in hand. Of course having one now, especially in such a vulnerable situation, had to be comforting.

“I could have shot you.” He gasps out, his breaths shaky.

You lace your fingers with his, squeezing gently. “It was my fault. I shouldn’t have snuck up on you.”

“I could have killed you.” He says, voice shaking.

“But you didn’t.” You say, turning his face to look at you. “I’m alright. It was my fault.”

You can see the tears shining in his eyes from the dim light coming in the window. You hate it, you hate his suffering, you hate that he’ll blame himself for this. You hate that you feel so helpless, but you know there’s some things he has to work through on his own.

You can’t magically heal all of him. No matter how badly you wish you could.

***

The nightmares continue

You wake up hearing his gasps and grunts, the thrashing of his body in the sheets often. Ever since he pulled a blaster on you, you’ve been hesitant to wake him. You had been lucky he hadn’t fired, that he’d woken quickly enough to realize what was going on. Realize who was standing in front of him.

Instead you do research. He had figured out a way to control the dream space, to keep it from happening after he was arrested by the Empire. You hadn’t used it since he contacted you before his rescue, but perhaps you could figure out a way to use it to help him.

In your research you learn dream spaces are controlled entirely by the soulmates themselves. It’s mostly done on a subconscious level after the first initial dream. The yearning, the need to see your soulmate drives the pull into the dream space. If both are asleep at the same time, one can pull the other in. One can also shut off the dream space from the other, even without rejection.

So Howzer in his desperation to keep you safe had subconsciously cut off your dreamspace for months. It had only opened back up when he had wanted to contact you. When he needed to contact you.

Perhaps you can use that to your advantage.

You wait until Howzer has another nightmare before you try it. It takes a few minutes, some deep thinking, until suddenly you’re floating on that familiar feeling, the world around you going white.

He’s there, looking around in shock. He’s breathing heavily, eyes still wide with fear. He says your name in confusion, brows pinching as he frowns.

“I did it.” You say, stepping up to him. “It worked.”

His frown deepens. “What did you do?”

“You can control the dream space.” You explain, telling him everything you’ve learned. You want to help him with his nightmares, and this was the safest way for both of you. Not that you thought he’d pull a blaster on you, or shoot you, but you could never be too careful.

“Thank you.” He says, relaxing a bit as the nightmare falls away, left in the past.

“You know you can talk to me.” You say. “I can’t really understand what it was like, but you know I’ll listen.”

His gaze drops, shoulders slumping. “I don’t want to scare you away.”

You shake your head, wishing you could touch him. “You won’t scare me. Nothing you could say would scare me. Let me help you. I want to help you.”

He slowly lifts his gaze, his eyes meeting yours. You give him a small smile, wishing you could reach out and smooth the small frown pinched between his brows. You wish you could run your fingers over his face, ease the tension in his body.

You’ve never cursed your alarm more than you do at that moment.

***

The weekend couldn’t come soon enough. The bakery seemed extra busy that week, and you had barely gotten time to take a break and check on Howzer. You know he’s fine, you know he’s capable of entertaining himself and keeping himself busy. You can’t help but worry about him, though.

You get off late every day, dragging your feet up the steps, dreading another early morning. You love the bakery, and you wouldn’t change anything, but sometimes the exhaustion really begins to hit you.

Howzer always looks concerned, usually starting to piece together something for dinner as you drag yourself in the door. He’s no professional chef, considering he lived off rations most of his life, but he does alright. He doesn’t seem to mind doing it, and you’re more than willing to let him help out a bit. Especially if it means you don’t have to stand in a kitchen more than you already do.

Over the weekend you planned on testing new flavors for the bakery. It was getting about time to start revamping the menu again, and you had a few things you wanted to test. You’d usually force it on Mina and her soulmate to try, but you have Howzer now. He’d never really had anything sweet before he met you, and you had rectified that very quickly.

You rise early as usual, taking care not to be too loud as you set to start making some cakes and pastries. You hum quietly to yourself as you begin mixing, measuring out ingredients and getting the pans ready.

Howzer rises not long after, equally an early riser, though you were usually up before him. He watches you for a while, eyes following you around the kitchen.

He doesn’t move until you’re starting on the second batch, joining you in the kitchen. He moves hesitantly, despite his posture always speaking to his training, his status. He took up a lot of space in any room, even if he was trying to make himself seem smaller.

“Can you teach me?” He asks, stepping up next to you.

You look up at him in surprise. “You want to learn how to make cakes?”

He shrugs. “Yeah.”

You stare down at the mixer before shrugging. “Sure, why not.”

You grab an apron for him, helping him tie it before you start explaining things. Ingredients, measurements, how much to add to the pans, how long to bake them for. You teach him how to make frosting too, how perfect everything has to be, how to know when it’s mixed just enough.

He starts to talk too as you guide him, telling you about everything. From the time you last spoke right before he defied Imperial orders to when he was rescued. He tells you what happened to him, and the little he knew about what happened to the others.

Your heart aches for him as he spills everything, everything that haunts him in his nightmares. You can understand why they’re so bad, why they plague him so much.

You wrap your arms around him as you wait for the cakes to cool, pulling him against your chest. You hadn’t shared much contact at all since he moved into your apartment. You’d been separated by hesitation and your own busy schedule. You know he’s here, you know he’s real, but it feels good to hold him. You want to hold him and never let go. You want to be with him every minute of every day. You want to protect him and ease his nightmares away.

“Sleep with me.” You say, voice slightly muffled by his chest.

“What?” He chuckles nervously, trying to pull away but you tighten your hold around him.

“Sleep in my bed with me. At night.” You say, trying to calm the nervous pounding of your heart. It matches his pounding against your ear. “Maybe...maybe it will help with the nightmares.”

“I don’t want to accidentally hurt you.” He says.

“I said I was a light sleeper. As soon as you start to have a nightmare, I can slip into the dream space and pull you out.” You say. “It’s worth a try.”

He sighs, wrapping his arms tightly around you once more. “I guess.”

You smile. “I’ve never had a man sound so disappointed to sleep in the same bed as me before.”

He pulls away, staring down at you with a dark look on his face.

You burst out laughing, shaking your head. “Don’t worry. You’ll be the first to actually do it.” You shake your head. “Plenty have offered, but you know how busy I am and besides, I’ve been waiting on the right person.”

He shakes his head, a smile forming on his face. “You think you’re so funny.”

You grin, flicking frosting onto his nose. “I’m hilarious.”

He looks offended before a wicked grin forms on his face, his arms scooping you up before you can even turn and run. You squeal, wiggling in his grasp. He loses his hold on you, both of you falling onto the floor in your small kitchen. He softens the drop with his arms, one hand cradling the back of your head as you hit the floor, and he falls on top of you. He’s a solid weight over you, your faces inches apart.

You stare up into his eyes, your arms snaking around his neck. He drops just slightly closer, your breaths mingling. You lift your head just slightly before darting your tongue out to lick the frosting off his nose.

His nose scrunches before he laughs, shaking his head. “You could just kiss me like a normal person.”

“Who said I was normal?” You grin before you’re pulling him down, your lips meeting his.

***

Howzer moved into your bed that night. He was still plagued by nightmares for the first few nights, but there was no incident, nothing like the first night he’d had a nightmare in your apartment. You had eased him into the dream space every time, talking him down before you inevitably woke thanks to your early alarm.

He rises with you the first few times, until he eventually settles enough to give you a sleepy kiss before rolling over and going back to sleep.

He also likes to cuddle. It had been a bit awkward at first, until you’d woken with his arms around you. You hadn’t said anything, and it easily became something natural. You gravitate towards each other as you were naturally made to do.

You wake early one weekend, as you were wont to do. Not as early as you had to for work, but still too early for the weekend. Howzer agrees, his arms wrapped tight around you from behind. You can feel him, every part of him pressed up against your back. He’s shirtless, only his thin sleep pants and your own shorts separating you. His arms around your waist have pushed your shirt up, his skin touching yours.

You can feel the energy between you, the tingling from where you’re connected. It’s a warm feeling, a comforting feeling. You feel safe, like nothing else in the world could hurt you, could come between you, so long as you’re touching.

“Go back to sleep.” He murmurs, lips brushing your neck.

You bite your lip at the sensation, goosebumps forming on your skin. He nuzzles his face closer, a warm puff of air ghosting over your skin as he exhales. You bite your lip, dropping your hands to his arms, trailing your fingers along his skin. He shifts against you, pressing even closer behind you.

“I can’t.” You say, pushing back against him.

He hums, one hand pushing higher beneath your sleep shirt, palm and fingers splaying across your stomach. You gasp at the sensation, shifting against him once more. You haven’t done more than kissing and some exploring, and plenty of cuddling. You can’t deny the heat pooling between your legs as he grinds against you, his half-hard length pressing against your ass.

“Howzer?” You ask quietly, turning just slightly so you can see him. He lifts his head so he can stare down at you. “I’d like you to fuck me now.”

His hand slips from beneath your shirt to cup your face. “You sure, mesh’la?”

You take the hand on your face, boldly slipping it under your shorts so it’s resting against your damp panties. “I’m ready.”

The corner of his lips lift in a grin. “That’s pretty good evidence.” He pushes against your underwear, applying pressure to your clit.

You gasp, fingers wrapping around his wrist. “I’m ready. I want to do it.”

He leans down, kissing you softly. “As long as you’re sure.”

“I’m sure.” You say, kissing him hard.

His tongue slips into your mouth, the hand between your legs beginning to circle your clit over your panties. You cling to him, allowing him to work your body up. You could get lost in him so easily, in his tender touches, his strong demeanor.

He’s utterly perfect.

You moan against his lips as he continues to tease you through your panties, your own hand trailing down his chest. You trace the lines of his muscles, slowly working your way down his stomach. His hips press closer to your hand, a groan rumbling through his chest.

You nip at his bottom lip as he pulls back, moving his body so he’s hovering over you. His hand pulls free of your shorts, fingers looping under the waistband before tugging them down your legs. You pull your shirt over your head, leaving yourself bare before him. You fight the urge to hide under his gaze, the urge to cover yourself as he studies you.

He leans his body over yours, pressing a kiss to your lips. “So kriffing beautiful.” He murmurs, his lips trailing down your jaw to your neck.

“Howzer,” You gasp as he nips at the sensitive skin, your arms wrapping around his strong back.

You can feel the pulsing beneath your skin, the electricity starting to ignite your nerve endings as you get closer and closer to him. He’s so big and warm over you, the pulsing feeling shooting down between your thighs.

You need him.

Your fingers trail down his back before they slip under the waistband of his sleep pants. You begin to tug them down and he pulls away just enough to help you, kicking them off the end of the bed. He’s thick and hard, the tip of his cock leaking. You bite your lip as you stare at him, thighs clenching in anticipation.

“Kriff, I need you so bad.” He groans, burying his face in your chest. He licks and nips at your skin, leaving marks in his wake. It’s so possessive, the way he leaves his mark on you, the way his hands grip your sides, your hips.

“Take me.” You say, letting your thighs fall open for him. “I’m yours.”

He stares down at your glistening pussy, licking his lips. “All mine.”

“Only yours.” You gasp as his fingers trail along your slick folds, gathering the wetness there to wet his cock.

He slips his cock along your folds, teasing you before he lines himself up. You watch him as he eases the head of his cock inside, your body stiffening a bit at the stretch. His hands grip your hips, gently massaging the skin in an attempt to ease the stretch and help you relax.

“So kriffing tight.” He breathes as he slips further in, moving slowly to give you time to adjust.

He folds his body over yours as he sinks completely inside you, lips tracing a path from your chest to your jaw. He’s so big, stretching you so much. You wrap yourself around him, holding onto him as your body adjusts to his cock.

“So good for me.” He whispers in your ear, shifting his hips just slightly. “So perfect.”

You moan as his cock moves inside you, your legs tightening around his waist.

“You like that?” He groans, pulling out just a little before sinking back into you. “Feel good?”

“So good.” You gasp, hips lifting to meet his slow thrusts.

“Good girl.” He murmurs, pulling out further, before sinking back in.

You cling to him as he fucks you deep and slow, his arms wrapped around you just as tightly. You can feel him, every part of him as he makes love to you, your very souls connecting. It’s almost overwhelming, being so connected, being so full of him.

“Howzer!” You gasp his name as you cum, shaking under him.

He groans into your neck, hips jerking as he spills into you.

Neither of you move, still wrapped around each other, still completely connected. You’re practically vibrating with energy as the feeling of him fills you and overwhelms your body. The warm puffs of his breath on your sweat-slicked skin, the beat of his heart echoing in your chest keeps you grounded, keeps you here with him.

“I love you,” He whispers, lips brushing your skin.

“I love you too.” You whisper in his ear, tightening your hold around him.

(I'm going to try putting the taglist in a reblog. See if that works.)

#star wars #star wars fic #the bad batch #the bad batch fic #captain howzer x reader #x reader #clone thirsting #soulmate au

357 notes · View notes

cursehole · 12 days

Text

uughghg I feel so disconnected from this username but I'll put it under a cut. CW: suicide/death mention

As an artist, I'm always changing in some way. I always accept the changes wholeheartedly, bc that's what growth is. I feel this username is associated with a part of me who is gone now and I worry sometimes people except a certain sort of content, which I obviously wouldn't force myself to produce. I heavily associate this username with a horrific time in my life bc things began to get really rough around the time I began to use this username and then ofc I went on long hiatuses during the use of this username. My sister's death was not an overnight event. Her physical and mental health deteriorated over the course of years. During those years, it consumed me entirely. Mind, body and soul. That's when I became less and less active. That chapter of my life was horrific, but it has passed. When I say 'passed', I mean to say that my sister is gone and will never come back to me. I am existing in a way I never have before, I'm learning to cope and carry on without someone who made up half of my fucking soul and shaped me in too many ways to count. I'm now in a new place mentally and physically, and using this old username really just reminds me of the difficult times and the art I had created back then. I also draw Fortune much less bc my sister and I heavily bonded over her. She became a comfort character for my sister, and she drew her almost daily for me and made me various other gifts. I often see Fortune now as someone who harbors sadness and loss. It's not entirely the case, but in a lot of ways its hard to draw her now. She was my happiness, and I am blessed she was happiness for my sister too. Now, it's hard to find that comfort in her. Anyway, those reasons are why I want to change my username but have no ideas! ALL of my usernames have been inspired by BMSR/Tobacco in the past but I haven't really connected to any songs lately. WOW rant but it's been on my mind for years. If I go with a new username, I won't abandon this account or anything. At least I'm super happy to say I've finally connected to a new nickname! I have been going by Pony for a long time now, I wish it were my real name lol But it's really really nice to have found a connection with a nickname. Anyway thank you for reading and for following me through all my ups and downs and hiatuses and changes.

edit also:

I still heavily associate with the word ‘hole’, so it would be cool to find username with that word. I love the idea of holes and not knowing what is in them. I also have a connection to sunflowers in more recent years, but the word is so long. Idk! Usernames tend to just come to me, so that’s partially why I haven’t officially moved on from this username even tho I have tried 💀 I always revert back bc others didn’t feel right. Anyway.

#tackytext #tackyvent #typos expected #Addition

77 notes · View notes

dreamingcloudie · 1 year

Text

❛❛ In which; Dottore got turned into a kid... ❜❜

✎ ❛❛ How's the weather down there, doc? ❜❜

Pairing(s): Dottore x GN!Reader

Genre/Format: Crackfic (oneshot)

Warning(s): Use of Dottore's (speculated) real name

wc: ~1.2k

Notes: Just something random I wrote lol. Saw some art on Pinterest and omg KID DOTTORE IS SO FREAKING ADORABLE AHAKDSHAJAKSJDDOS

During nights where Dottore would get held up in his lab, you'd sit on the bed and read one of your favorite books as you wait for him to come back. However, today seemed to be… different.

You just finished reading your book and when you looked at the time, it was already way past when Dottore would usually come back. You knew he's a genius man, whatever happened he could easily defuse the problem. But even so, you couldn't help but worry about him sometimes.

Getting up from your bed, you decided to put on a coat before making a trip to where you thought he'd be. As you made your way down to the hallway that leads you to his lab, you could hear a bunch of people arguing, among them a voice higher than the rest stood out.

"What do you mean you can't fix it?!"

"I've read every piece of research paper and I couldn't find anything!"

"Skill issue."

"Oh my Tsaritsa, all of you shut your damn mouths! You're giving me a headache!"

"You're a goddamn clone you can't even get a headache!"

All the voices quickly disappeared when you knocked on the door. Not waiting for a response, you grabbed the door handle and entered the lab.

"Dear? Is everything alright—"

You stopped talking as soon as you saw the mess in his lab. Papers and books were scattered across the room; vials that held unknown liquids were hastily put on the counter; shards of glass were shattered on the floor.

And the very person you were looking for was nowhere in sight.

What caught your attention the most were Dottore's segments that now had their gaze on you, gathering around in a circle in the middle of the room. They were standing pretty close to one another to the point where their shoulders touched so you weren't able to see past what their towering figures were blocking from your view.

After a few minutes of staring, you managed to mutter out, "Uh, what… happened here?"

One of the younger segments—Delta, who wore a black and white mask spoke up, "Nothing to worry about, darling! Aren't you supposed to be in your room right now? What brings you here?"

"Well, Prime is taking longer than usual to come back so I decided I'd come to check on him. Speaking of which, where is he anyway?" You asked, getting a bit closer to the group.

Upon the mention of Prime, all of the segments looked a bit more visibly stressed.

Before you got too close, Theta (another younger segment), who was reading through some papers nearby, stepped in front of you with a smile.

"Oh, you know, Prime is doing his usual, um, Prime… things…?" His sentence ended with a nervous chuckle.

"Oh really?" You crossed your arms.

They were definitely hiding something.

Walking around Theta, you attempted to approach the group once more. Before you could do that, Theta stepped in front of you again.

"Why- Why don't I escort you back to your room, dear? It's two in the morning and I'm pretty sure you're tired."

"I will go back when I make sure Prime is alright."

"He is—"

You gently pushed past Theta while the other segments were trying to convince you to not get close to them.

But to their horror, you managed to squeeze through their bodies and look at what they were hiding.

You gasped.

In the middle, there sat a kid who looked to be ten with short blue fluffy hair and a pair of huge red eyes. His arms were crossed and he looked grumpy.

He looked almost exactly like the other younger segments, albeit his obviously smaller size and had a rounder face.

As far as you'd know, Dottore never had a child segment of himself, maybe this was the first one?

"Aww, who's this little guy?" You asked while picking who you assumed to be a segment, flailing his arms.

"That's um—"

"Who's the cutest boy? Yes you are! Yes you areee~" You cooed, holding him with one arm while the other was pinching his cheek as he whined.

"Stahp. Pwinching. Me!" His words slurred a little due to you squishing his face.

As you were too busy focusing on the boy, Omega came over to you and blurted out:

"That's Prime, dear."

"...huh?" Upon hearing what he said, your eyes widened and all of your movements ceased.

"Gah! Finally, now let me talk!" The boy exclaimed.

But before he could say anything, you turned your head back to him.

"...Zandik?"

"Yes, that's me, (Y/n)."

Silence filled the air as the both of you stared at each other. Only for it to be broken when you laughed.

"What— BWAHAHAHA WHAT HAPPENED TO YOU?!"

"I— Stop laughing!"

But how could you take him seriously when he sounded so cute? His usually deep voice and intimidating demeanor was completely gone.

And that was something that happened two hours ago, you were now back at your room as you watched Dottore doodle on a piece of paper with his crayons.

He had explained that he was still himself. But since he was now a kid, it didn't come as a surprise that he'd also have the mindset of one too.

"We couldn't find a way to turn him back immediately, we'll have to wait it out."

"For how long?"

"No idea."

You closed your eyes as you sighed, recalling the conversation you had with the segments earlier. God knows how long it'd be before Dottore would turn back to his regular self.

Someone tugged on one of your sleeves and you opened your eyes, Dottore was holding up a piece of paper, proudly showing you what he had drawn.

"Oh wow! That's a nice drawing, love! Is that… um, someone strapped to a… table?" You squint your eyes, trying to make out what these messy lines depicted.

"An operation table, to be exact! This is what will happen to those stupid asses of clones when I turn back to my adult self!"

"Hey, watch your language, mister."

"I'm not a kid!"

"Are you sure about that?"

---

As time passed, you were now reading Dottore a story and tucked him to bed.

"—and so, the prince defeated the evil dragon and saved the princess! Then they lived happily ever after. The end."

"That's lame."

"You'll take what you can get, dear." You told him.

"I could've done a better job at defeating the dragon! With how advanced my creations are, it could literally be destroyed in seconds!" He exclaimed as he put his arms in the air.

"Yes, of course. Now, go to sleep, okay?" You stood up, walking over to the couch.

"Wait!"

You turned back to him and raised a brow.

"Um, sleep with me, please?"

Oh my god those puppy eyes. You thought, trying not to squeal at how freaking adorable he looked. How could you refuse when he was looking at you like that?

Giving him a soft smile in response, you walked over and got into the bed with him. As you laid down next to him, he scooted closer to you and tucked himself into your chest.

"Give me a goodnight kiss too?"

Chuckling at his request, you pressed a little kiss on his forehead, ruffling his hair as you did so.

"Sleep tight now, dear."

"Night night…"

---

Bonus:

Some time during the hours as you were still asleep. You weren't sure if it was a dream or not, but you could've sworn you felt the familiar warmth of someone's arm hugging you close...

#genshin x reader #genshin impact x you #genshin x you #genshin x yn #dottore #genshin impact #dottore x reader #dottore x y/n #dottore x you #genshin dottore #il dottore #fatui #fatui x reader #fatui harbingers x reader #fatui harbingers

1K notes · View notes

bloomingdog · 1 month

Text

Acolyte

word count: 2.7k a/n: hii i'm going through a depressive episode and this is my fic about soap with a depressed reader cos he's my babygirl. might expand on them idk i love soap i wanna keep writing for him

Johnny is a friend of Kyle’s, and Kyle is a friend of Farah, who is your friend. And Johnny, or Soap, is here because Kyle invited him since he had “nothing better to do”. And it’s alright, he’s fun and a little loud, he talks over people but always apologises. You were a little nervous to meet him, having been promised a get-together with people you were already well-acquaintances with, but the tears in your eyes, from laughing, that is, dismiss all previous nerves.

“And then he-” He’s cut off by his own wheeze, it’s been going for a couple of minutes; him and Kyle trying to retell a story about their captain, but they keep getting interrupted by their own laughter. You don’t think it’s that funny, if anything their reactions are the thing that make you all go into hysterics. It’s hard to feel sorry for all the other patrons.

You feel drunker than you really are, save for Farah, you only had two to three beers each. It’s the kind of silly drunkenness induced by being with friends. The forgotten UNO cards on top of the table shake as Johnny’s fist hits the table trying to catch his breath.

And the pub’s playlist keeps playing every top #1 hit from the last 20 years. And at some point you’re all performing a rendition of smash hit “500 miles”. And you’re getting giggly with sleep. And Farah’s driving you home. And she’s asking you about Johnny, which makes you giggly all over. And she’s telling you he’s single.

And then it’s morning. And there’s a message from an unknown phone number.

“Hey. This is Johnny.

Just wanted to let you know I had a blast last night, loved meeting you :-)”

It makes you smile trying to figure out what to write back. Why is it so hard to sound nonchalant while also a little interested in getting to know him?

“So did I!

Haven’t laughed that hard in a while lol”

That’s cool, right? It’s half a good response at the very least, since you get a response back.

“Wanna meet sometime?”

Oh, that’s good. At best, you get a little attention and maybe a lay, at worst you get a new friend. You keep texting throughout the day, you two fit like a puzzle piece: talkative, extroverted and active. He sends you a picture of a squirrel he saw earlier on his morning run, you send him a picture of your cat back with the caption “my asshole son” to which he replies “don’t be mean to him”. Those little interactions keep getting exchanged. On Monday, you send him a fun fact about a shark that had a virgin birth. Tuesday, he’s telling you about his fear of dogs. Wednesday is the perfect occasion for a picture of your cat, Gus, sleeping in a funny position. Thursday, your phone pings with a string of texts ranting about Glasgow City. Friday you’re texting Johnny that you’re at the restaurant you’re meeting at, a hole-in-the-wall that mastered the art of oily food and crispy chips, he replies he’s running late.

“I’m so sorry for making you wait.” Is out of his mouth before any greeting. “Are ye hungry?” It’s more a conversation starter than an actual question.

“It’s okay! No worries.” You’re just happy to be hanging out, not bothered by his tardiness.

The two of you sit and chat, you learn he has a tattoo of a revolver but won’t say where. He laughs at the face you make while imagining where it would be. “Don’t be dirty!” He chastises, it’s within the law that you steal one of his chips as payment for the teasing. You ask where does Soap come from.

“A’m good at cleaning.” It’s a short answer that explains enough, you’re not keen on pushing the topic any further. Luckily, he changes the topic rather quickly, it looks like he’s not a big fan of silences. “Tell me aboot Gus. How’d you get him?”

“A colleague’s cat had kittens, she was trying to find them homes, Gus was the only one left, runt of the litter you know?” He nods, listening, interested in what you have to say. “Kept pushing and showing me pictures of the guy until I caved. When I took him home he wouldn’t stop screaming, I think he might be part siamese, they’re really vocal. So, he kept me up all night, I thought he was sick or something, I even took him to the emergency vet, turns out he’s just a dickhead.” He smiles at the insult. “A very cute one, though.” You add, it’s hard not to love him even if he wakes you up at 6 a.m. on the dot.

“Can I meet him someday?” he might if you’re lucky enough.

You might as well thank every saint, divinity, and omnipotent being for your luck tonight. He accompanies you home, only because “he’s a gentleman”, according to him. The kind of gentleman that kisses you dizzy and gets invited into your flat.

You text Farah about the events of the evening before falling asleep, it’s not kiss and tell if she’s your best friend. And in the early morning you’re both woken up by an angry Gus, whose side of the bed has been stolen by a guy that almost doesn’t fit in it. You’re cuddled on his side, one leg over his.

“Gus-Gus….” It’s a groggy mumble of displeasure, you know he only wants to be beside you, but the hour doesn’t help your mood. Still, you move away from Johnny so he can jump onto your chest for cuddles.

“He does skirl alright.” That morning voice might actually be the death of you.

“Told you. He’s an asshole.” A breathy laugh makes his bare chest move as he turns to face you.

“He’s real cute though.”

“Are you not tired?” The early morning light peeks through your window, the sun isn’t even out yet and you can’t imagine anyone that is appreciative of being woken up so early.

“Naw, no’ really. ‘M used to it.”

It feels weird, good weird, to have him in your bed like that. Barely a week since you met, and he feels so close, more like a friend than a one-night stand, more than a friends-with-benefits. He checks the time on his phone before speaking again.

“Ye want breakfast?” Your eyes are closed again, hugging Gus close to your chest, hand moving up and down his fur but not doing much to pet him. His call of your name is answered by a groan, it makes him chuckle. He scoots closer to you, you can feel his arm coming up for Gus to sniff and the cat readjusts himself so his head is closer to Johnny’s. “Hi”.

Oh but the warmth dissipating from his body is to much, that and the soft noise of Gus’ purr drives you to fall asleep again. You only half dream, a mixture of images that won’t make any sense once you’re awake again, which happens rather soon as the bed adjusts and you feel a hand run through your hair.

“Can I make tea?” His voice sounds softer than earlier, you nod, opening your eyes just a smidge to look up at him.

“Biscuits in the cupboard…”That’s as much as you can muster now. “Wake me up when it's done?”

“Course.”

He left with Gus following behind, but you can’t seem to fall asleep again. That was…rather intimate. Your stomach feels hot and your chest tighter. Shooting your eyes open you’re quick to grab your phone again, Farah replied an hour ago.

“Wooo! Good for you”

“You’re gonna have to tell me everything about it btw”

“Farah”

“How pathetic is it to have a crush on your one night stand?”

Oh you don’t like that, calling him a one night stand, feels too impersonal, rude almost.

You’re getting out of bed, into your restroom and to the kitchen.

“Good morning” He leans against the kitchen counter where your meds are,he’s looking at his phone waiting for the kettle to boil, clad in his boxers from last night, hair a mess and body soft under the morning light. Even though it’s the same body it feels so different from last night, scars, bigger and small, litter his body, it’s muscular and soft at the same time, big pecs a tad too inviting and a tattoo on his forearm. Reaching for the pills would mean standing next to him, probably brushing against—no, touching him, and that makes you nervous. Oh. You’re embarrassingly down bad.

He stayed the entire weekend, Friday through Sunday. Next week it was picnic and football. You’re convinced any major team would be jealous of your 1-person teams and 5 meter field. He’s good, but you’re full of fear as he chases you for the ball, it’s the predator-prey kinda adrenaline that makes you score.

“Yes!”

“Offside! Offside!”

“What do you mean offside? There’s no one I can pass the ball to!” In fact, there’s not even a goal. You grab the ball and go back to him, looking straight into his eyes in fake defiance.

“Talking back to the referee? That’s a red card.” He looks so handsome like this, standing tall and unmovable, even if only joking, and you let him know via a quick kiss to his lips. He’s pulling you back to his lips not even half a second after, deep and slow, giggly. “Bribin’ me, huh?” You let out a soft, happy, sigh and kiss him again.

“Wanna go home?”

You tell Farah everything over a cup of tea and a piece of cake, of course. And she laughs at you, not in a mean way at all, only friendly and amused, still you hit her arm.

And the following week it’s film night. This one’s more spontaneous than the others, it’s been a tough week at work, you want a quiet evening and some company so you ask him if he wants to come hang out, he replies saying that he’ll be there in 30.

It’s the two of you, your favourite take out, Gus-Gus sitting on the back of the sofa and Fargo on the TV. He’s not paying as much attention to the film as he is to you.

“What?” You say, turning to look at him.

“Ye’r a beauty.” You smile shyly and kick him on the leg with your foot slightly. “A’m serious. I like you a lot.” A big smile grows on your face, and it’s enough confirmation for him to know you feel the same.

Or at least he thought so. There are no plans for this weekend, not for lack of trying, that is, Soap’s been trying to text you all week, it’s a big shift from your daily texting. He misses the little life updates you send him. Tuesday, he thought you might just be busy. Wednesday he stops trying to contact you, did he do something wrong? Went too fast? Are you ghosting him? What did he do that was worth the silent treatment? Thursday, he tries calling you, multiple times. Friday all rational thoughts have left his brain, did something happen to you? Are you okay? Christ, what if you’re dead? He texts Farah, swallowing his embarrassment.

“She’s okay, I think.”

“Going through a bit of a depression episode at the moment.”

“She’s going recluse, I know she wouldn’t mind a bit of help.”

“I have a spare key to her flat if you want to come get it.”

The string of texts floats around his mind, spare key in hand in front of your front door. He’s been inside before, but he was invited in, this feels invasive, but Farah trusted him, and she knew you best. He sent you a message before showing up, the last bit of chivalry he can offer before showing up in your home, it went through, and he hoped you read it even if you didn’t reply.

He calls your name upon entering, no response. Gus comes running up to him to headbutt his legs and meow, a quick look lets him know his water bowl is clean and automatic feeder full, that’s a good sign. His voice trembles as he calls for you again.

“You know where she is?” Great, now he’s speaking to the cat, and he meows in response, great, an actual conversation with a cat. Gus takes off and squeezes himself into a room with the door ajar, your bedroom. He knocks before entering, not expecting a response. The room is dark except for the light coming from your laptop, empty and half-full glasses taking up most of the space on your desk, chair full of unfolded clothes and a doughnut of blankets on the bed.

“Go away.” The doughnut speaks. His heart breaks at the sad, much softer than usual tone of your voice.

“Love.” The pet name slips from his lips, he notices but doesn’t attempt to correct himself. He walks closer until he’s sitting next to you. “Can I help you?”

You shake your head no, or what’s visible of it. “Go away, I stink.” He chuckles.

“That’s fine, smell better than the lads in base.” It’s a pathetic attempt at humour, you still shake your head no.

“You don’t have to do anything.” You don’t sound sad or angry like he thought you might, it’s emotionless, almost like an automatic generated response.

“But I want to. Want tae tak’ care o ye” He wants to make everything better, wants to fix everything, wants you happy and energetic and smiling. It’s silly how much he cares for you after barely a month of knowing eachother, scary now that he’s admitting it out loud. He pulls down the blankets for a full view of your face, his hand goes to your hair, it’s tangled, he’s careful not to pull on it. “Am gunna run you a bath.” It’s not a question, you laugh slightly and he smiles, realising what he said. “Didny mean it like that, c’mon.”

He helps you up from the bed and into the restroom. From your seat ion the toilet, you observe the way he turns on the tap and rummages through your cabinet, trying to find something to put in the water, you assume. “The orange bar in the back.” He halts, looks for a second and comes up with it, he leaves it on the sink while he turns off the water, you grab the bar and crumble a bit of it into the tub. He looks at you and gets up, you take it as your cue to undress and get in. Johnny comes back with a change of pyjamas and underwear and leaves again. You can hear him moving around and making noise, talking to the cat in occasion, while you clean yourself, when he comes back it’s to put your dirty laundry in the hamper. You don’t know why that’s the thing that makes you break and start crying. As soon as he notices, he’s on his knees next to you, softly caressing your cheeks and moving your damp hair away from your face.

“Whit’s wrong?”

“I don’t want you to do this.” Is no reply to his question. “I don’t want you to have to do this.”

“M’eudail.” He starts. “It’s okay.”

“No it’s not!” You look up at him” I’m so sad all the fucking time and I don’t want you to have to deal with that, it’s not fair to you, you know? I don’t want you to have to take care of me or put up with me.”

“But what if I want to? Wanna take care of you, wanna put up with you.” You shake your head no, looking back down.

“Johnny, I’m so much. I get so clingy and stupid.”

“That’s fine by me.” There’s no deterring him. He lifts your head up by your chin to kiss your forehead, bright blue eyes staring at you.

And you realise how ridiculous this is. You’re crying in the bathtub, your friend-situationship is on his knees next to you, again, crying in the bathtub. You let out a sigh and nod.

“Okay.”

#cod mw2 fanfic #cod x reader #soap x reader #john mactavish x reader #john mactavish x you #john soap mctavish x reader #john soap mactavish x you #johnny soap mctavish x reader #johnny soap mactavish x you #soap x you

62 notes · View notes