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#sometimes life is just unfair
goron-king-darunia · 2 years
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Eggtober 22 Impressions of Broccoli Quiche Clip Studio Paint, Gouache Brush, Dry Gouache Brush, Freckle Pen. 12 Colors. Not nearly enough time (30 minutes or less?) I did not have a very good day today and I wanted to do a much better job on this than I ended up doing. But I just don’t have much energy for this. Had the time, but I’m just really not in the mood for art after some stuff that’s out of my control happened. I wanted to do something easier, but I couldn’t think of anything else, and I didn’t want to put it off. I might redo this one when I have time and a better mood. But for a bit I just wanna lie down and forget. I don’t mean to be a downer. Even art that doesn’t meet standards I set for myself can still be a joy for others, even if I’m not very joyful myself today. Hopefully, tomorrow is a better day. Maybe I’ll even like this piece better tomorrow. Until then, @quezify and all the other lovelies can bring me a little comfort with their eggs. Today was no good for me. But one bad day is not a bad Eggtober, especially not with so many contributing artists. Stay safe, stay warm, and try to enjoy the day, even if life slaps you across the face and strangles you like it did for me today. Gonna make some poached egg or enjoy some pineapple and just have a good cry, and hopefully that helps.
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uncanny-tranny · 1 year
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I think it would really benefit people to internalize that mental illnesses are often chronic and not acute. Some of us will never be able to jump the hurdle of managing illness, much less sustaining a sense of normalcy. Many of us will never "recover," will never manage symptoms, will never even come close to appearing normal - and this is for any condition, even the ones labeled as "simple" disorders or "easy-to-manage" disorders.
It isn't a failure if you cannot manage your symptoms. It isn't a moral failure, and you aren't an awful person. You are human. There's only so much you can do before recognizing that you cannot lift the world. Give yourself the space to be ill because, functionally, you are.
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sunlit-mess · 5 months
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I can only take so much, but lately, they have replaced my reflection. And realize I'm just as bad as them.
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poofbark · 2 months
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lets put them in the freezer
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swordsonnet · 1 year
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lately, i've seen more people in the online autistic community acknowledging the struggles of people with higher support needs, which is of course an important development. but for some, that seems to come with the implicit assumption that low needs autistics "have it easy" or experience no stigma at all, which is just wrong??? people with low support needs are still disabled by their autism and still face discrimination because of it. sure, they are impaired to a lesser degree than those with higher support needs, but that doesn't mean you can just erase their struggles, y'know?
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randomidiocyncrazies · 5 months
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twitter takes on toshiro makes me cry... bro was subjected to microaggressions for 5 HOURS and raised in a high-context culture (where you Do Not say negative things outright), and ppl are still like "no he's just a bad person bc he's mean to my boy laios"
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pixelatedraindrops · 2 months
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A highly feverish Yuma and Makoto 🌡️ (39.05 c)
This was an art trade I received from BBQchap0 on twitter ✨
Small Rambling below
original and copy, same body, same mind, same frail immune system (they often get sick at the same time)
The 2 worlds greatest minds are going to have to take some time off working today. They’ve unfortunately both been afflicted by a sudden spiking fever and can hardly move. As they lay in bed, fatigued, aching, and sweating through their clothes, they could only struggle to try to help themselves.
This is such an attractive piece. I think I’m in love...
I could go on about this but, I'm literally about to combust 😳💦
In shorter words:
This is the most lovely art trade I have ever gotten and one of the most gorgeous pieces of art I've ever gotten in my entire life.
I cannot praise it enough, this belongs in a legit art gallery... I'm so honored to have gotten something this pretty I could cry...
💕💦(┬┬﹏┬┬) 💦💕
HOW did they make these disheveled sick boys look so BEAUTIFUL??? I can legit FEEL their struggle, its too good I could die
What a vision…makoto's uninterested yet tired expression...yuma with the thermometer in his mouth as his clone weakly assists him...and those glorious skin flush tints of red and pink coupled with the beads of sweat and messy hair…
AND THOSE COLORS…
Yeah. I’m not normal 🫠
Its…perfection
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grimmweepers · 2 days
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life comes at you so fast
#tw personal#tw death#tw cancer#not my usual silly goofy post but it’s hard to remain that way when there’s a lot weighing on your mind#cancer sucks#and it’s unfair how quickly it can take people from us#one moment they seem fine and the next they’re in the icu with a week left to live#he passed two nights ago#i wasn’t planning to post about it but i have the tendency to disassociate from my grief#so here i am instead of wherever the hell!#it’s heartbreaking because he and his wife weren’t just my mum’s bosses - they were long-time friends#i have clear childhood memories of playing at their house with their son#his youngest child is only 3 years old#as soon as he found out he started giving his final messages to his staff#obviously nobody wants to die in that situation#but you could feel how much he *wanted to live*#when i was told about his death it was in the morning and it didn’t feel real#every time i had seen him in the last year he always had a smile on his face#it’s always been hard for me to deal with the prospect of death#and understand how fragile life is#how REAL mortality is#it hits even harder when it happens to someone who was so FULL of life#sighs#life comes at you fast#sometimes in all directions and in every possible and testing way imaginable#i’ve been trying to write and feel any sense of normalcy this evening but for a multitude of reasons i have a sinking feeling in my stomach#sometimes when i’m upset i try recycle the feeling into excitement or happiness over something else#yeah … i can’t really do that tonight#apologies if my energy is bleh. hold your loved ones close. now i return you to my regular scheduled programming
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the5n00k · 1 year
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Molly has a message for you!
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movedtodykedvonte · 1 year
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My personal feelings in the Fionna and Cake ending is that it was perfect.
The story showed about how we can only control what is in our very personal and small world and not worry about or take on the responsibilities of that outside ourself.
We will make mistakes and wish we could rewrite them over and over and over until it’s perfect but we can’t. We will hate aspects of our lives and adore aspects of lives we don’t know the intricacies or hardships of but we can not insert ourselves. We have our own lives to live and rather than define it by a given purpose let us define the purpose as we go along. Not everything is revealed when it’s over, you may not get the answers but it’s okay to go somewhere and not know.
Some endings are happy, some are sad and some are just that, endings. They don’t have neat little bows or a “The End” on the last page but they allow us to put the past down and move on to whatever else lies ahead.
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baronessblixen · 21 days
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the story about dd’s mom having dementia hits close to home because my grandmother who is my only remaining grandparent has alzheimer and she’s like this too. She still thinks I’m in school even though I have a job, and keeps asking me about school, and she used to be a teacher too so she still has those instinct reactions a former teacher can have. But it’s hard sometimes to see her forget things when you didn’t know her like that all your life. You just repeat what you say to her every time even though it’s always the same question, and pretend everything’s normal for her.
I'm so sorry, anon. It really is difficult. My grandmother, who was my only remaining grandparent, too, had dementia and it's like losing a person while they're still there. Yeah, all you can do is pretend they haven't asked that question a hundred times. Wishing you so much strength, anon, and hope you and your grandmother will still have beautiful moments together ❤️
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definitelynotnia · 6 months
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im sorry i have to rant im so fucking pissed
my exams end on 19th and I have to get rid of some books and buy some books which are quite pricy online so I had planned on going to college street on 20th and selling my books and buying the new ones at a cheap price and i was frankly really excited about it because all I get is a one day break to relax bcz i have to start studying for entrances from 21st so all I have is 20th and i wanted to spend it at college street and then get some food and basically have like a solo date kind of thing.
and i was so so excited about it i told my boyfriend about it like 500 times bcz i kept forgetting i've already mentioned it and it was literally on my mind a lott so i kept bringing it up and ik it seems like not a big deal cz i can just sit at home and chill too but i literally do not get to go outside my house. like- the last time i went out was new years eve and after that the only time i've gone out is to school or to give my boards that is it. my mother has some weird like problem wiht me going out like even if i tell her that i just want to go to our terrace for 5 minutes just to get some fresh air she won't even allow that she'll be all suspicious and like sTaNd In ThE bAlCOnY aNd TaKe FrEsH aIr like she herself doesnt leave the house (and blames it on me and my brother ???? when have we ever stopped you bro, she said I HaVe To Be HeRe To KeEp An EyE like im 18 i dont need to be watched 24/7 stop blaming me for choices you put upon yourself) and i just feel so suffocated ALL THE TIME i feel so overstimulated and im so sick of rotting on my bed and i dont want to wait for some birthday party or friends meet up to be able to leave my goddamn house i just wanted to go and have a fun day and get me some books thats it.
anyway so initially the plan was that my mom would go along but something came up so she wanted to postpone it to 21st and i didn't want to bcz i'd already be missing 3 days bcz of my boyfriends birthday, holi and my brothers birthday (all of which are important and i dont want to miss which makes me the villain apparently bcz i should "adjust" and cancel my "parties" instead of trying to stick to my plan bcz that makes me too demanding and selfish apparently) so i suggested that ukw why dont u go do ur thing which came up and i'll go to college street by myself...which is when the solo date idea came which i had really wanted all along but didnt bring up bcz i knew she'd say no but now there's a valid reason for me to go alone so like, its a pretty easy fix i can just go alone but noooo. First of all,
I've been to college street multiple times before so its not like its an unknown area to me
im going by metro which is quite safe
im going when there is stark daylight and i will return home much much before it gets dark and im literally 18
she never lets me go anywhere alone, not even take ubers alone if i want to get back from somewhere my bf has to come drop me everytime and then go backwards to his house which is so so so stupid and i never get to go out alone unless accompanied by family or by a male friend, so obv when i said i'll go to college street alone she refused to let that happen and started screaming about how 'if its so important to go on 20th bcz u dont want to miss a day of studying then cancel ur 'parties' and study then' and i was like no its not about missing a day its just that there's a very easy and logical fix to this problem which is i go alone and its not inconveniencing anyone so why cant i just do that but she will not listen to that bcz im 'adamant' and 'everything has to be according to me' bcz i found a viable solution to the problem. so instead of letting me just go she was literally ready to pay much more money and buy the books online, like.....why cant i just go bro??? (and she keeps telling me im a waste of her money bcz i will amount to nothing in life and my education was a failed investment or wtv so like now why are u wasting more money??? im literally trying to save the money that u 'waste' on me so just let me ???)
anyway i called my dad last night and told him and he was super ok with the idea he said its a good idea that i go alone and that he would speak to her but then today when i asked her if dad spoke to her she said yes, we'll go on 20th and i was like .....we? so apparently she CANCELLED her previously immovable thing for which she wanted me to cancel my 'parties', she cancelled that and agreed to go with me on 20th just so that i dont get to go alone- like ???????????????? what is ur problemmmm
so obv i was super annoyed and i went on a whole ass rant about how i literally struggle to even cross roads bcz i dont know shit about basic travelling bcz all my life ive been in a car and its a running joke with all my guy friends that i 'cannot navigate' and 'dont know any places' and obv??? if im never allowed to go anywhere then how tf will i know the places- the only places i know is bcz recently i've been paying a lot of attention and asking my dad stuff about what roads to take to reach certain places and when i go out with my friends i kind of try and learn a bit but thats it i've only ever gone alone completely alone to two places which is my beauty parlour thats 5 minutes away from my house and one bazaar one time that was 2 bus stops away, thats it. thats my extent of public travelling alone. and now im supposed to go to a whole new STATE for college and i cant even call myself an auto without struggling. and like- is this not a basic life skill??? like ok yeah its not rocket science and i will probably figure it out even if i start later in life but why not now? most of my guy friends literally go everywhere alone, why not me? and my dad agreed with all of this but my mom was just like "you'll be in the hostel only, no need to go out of the campus" like ARE YOU FOR REAL????????? and she's like "if u want to learn skills learn how to cook" like ok yes i will also learn how to cook for sure but i wont have a fucking kitchen in the hostel but somehow cooking is an urgent skill i should learn but going places by myself is unimportant bcz i should just never? leave? the? hostel?
anyway after much screaming and shouting my dad gave up and just cut the call bcz he doesnt want to get into an argument with my mother and my mother was being all suspicious like why do u hAvE tO gO aLoNe AlL oF a SuDdEn even though i literally explained why i want to do this alone but she doesnt think thats valid. so she refuses to let me go and i asked her for one reason why i shouldnt cz usuallt its always "no u have exam what if smthn happens" but now i literally dont even have exam so whats ur excuse now? streets will always be unsafe forever so "what if smthn happens" is not a reason to never let me go out without a man so just gimme one reason and she couldnt give me a single reason she just said "i said no, thats it".
and now she's gone off about how im useless and blah blah and "high maintainance" bcz i want books and "everyone else (some pishi's son) just studies online" and so the whole option of college street is apparently now cancelled and she's trying to set up a whole ass kindle account (half the books i need arent even available as ebooks) just because i wanted to go by myself.
#in our house kids dont stay outside past 6:30pm'' but now all of a sudden its fine for my brother to play#till 10:30 at night#she literally stopped me permanently from going down in the evenings since i was in class 7-8#this is why ive never had any friends outside of school bcz she wouldnt let me leave ths fucking house#and now that my brother is in class 7#he's allowed to be out playing with his friends till 10 freaking 30#he comes home an hour late sometimes...45 minutes and almost always at least 30 minutes late at NIGHT and she says nothing except like#one sentence#yeah im only the villain i only keep u locke#up in the house its all my fault#this is just so damn unfair#like literally insulting#im not a child what is her problem#what sort of fucking solution is 'never leave the hostel' like ok even if i do that what happens then??? after i graduate?#i'll be a 24 year old who doesnt know shit about going from one place to another without a man present]#and then this woman preaches how she 'always raises her son and daughter equally' like srsly shut the fuck up#my whole life i've been told abar late?''#and for me bcz i would come home 5-10 minutes late nd i did it maybe once or twice she made me completely stop going down to play#5-10 minutes late from 6:30 wherein he comes an hour late from 9 fucking 30#and this sounds so stupid bcz im an 18 year old now and i dont give a fuck abt how long i got to play but its just unfair dude#with me it was always smthn or the other either exams or she gets miraculously sick every time i want to go out to play#im not even kidding she did a whole “i have fever and ur going to leave me like this and go play?” on me one time bcz i was adamant abt goi#after months of not being able to go bcz of exam or smthn or the other#she did not have any fever it was fucking bullshit#and how am i supposed to help with ur imaginary fever anyway im literally 12#its so fucking annoying man and then if i say anything at all she'll go on a tirade about how#like YOU DO THOUGH??????? im sorry ur feelings are hurt bcz i said you do smthn that u LITERALLY DO#istg not even 2 days ago she was having a fight with my dad abt how he should teach my brother to learn how to cycle so that he can go buy#groceries#i can cycle
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i think when yaz finally starts showing up to the companion support group like 2 years after it started she goes wearing a tshirt that says "i travelled with the doctor and all i got was this lousy ptsd". the doctor has a little breakdown abt it in the bathroom, then pretends it never happened and asks yaz if they can have one of those. yaz takes off her jacket to show the back of the shirt which says "didnt even get the shirt. had to make it myself"
next time the doctor shows up with the same shirt but slightly different bc obviously handmade
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opens-up-4-nobody · 6 months
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...
#sorry im thinking abt death again#because it's weird to think that ive been in the room. maybe a meter away from someone as they died#that someone being my mom. its just weird. the time in the hospital feels like it happened in some dark little pocket universe detached from#time. a calm room and then the soft blips of a monitor then the nurse rushing in to say she'd passed#i dont kno y ppl use that phrase: passed on. i mean i do. it softens the topic. makes it sound peaceful. ive yet to use it. i just say she#died bc thats what happened. is that insensitive? i dunno. when i was home i realized that i come off as much stranger than i think. the way#my family see me doesnt fit how i see myself. i dont kno what to do with that. i dunno. theyre all together today#for an early easter. and im halfway across the country again. nose so stuffy ive had to mouth breathe for the last 3 days#and again. everything feels the same as it did before but also profoundly different. sometimes i cry in the mornings. or when i think abt#future vacations she wont be there for. bc in the end she quickly slipped away in a way that couldn't be described as peaceful until her#last half a day. and all i can think about in that tiny room is how scary it would be to lose control like that#and how its not fair and she didnt deserve to die only halfway through a lifetime. but its not about fair and its not about deserving.#sometimes bad things just happen. that's life. and now i own a book called motherless daughters. and now im standing with the countless#others who've lost their moms too early. ive already become aware of 3 ppl in my daily life who are in the same club#i keep thinking about this moment that happened between my parents at the hospital. apparently my dad was helping her get cleaned up and her#stomach was so bloated she looked like she had a bby in there. which my dad said. and my mom apparently said: but it's a baby no one want. i#dont kno y that upsets me so much. all the things i heard abt her being in the hospital before i got there upset me. and the rest of my#family was there to see it. so i have the least traumatic version of the story. and i got almost 27 years with her. except my sisters#probably got more time with her bc i spent so much time away. or maybe not. i dunno.#i dunno. im just sad that shes gone and sad that it was drawn out even a little bit. 6 days isnt long but im sure it felt like an eternity.#again not fair. nothings fair. 53 years of unfairness culminating in a tragedy. she would hate me characterizing it like that. she lived a#full life as they say. full with an asterisk on account of length#unrelated
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the-gayest-sky-kid · 4 months
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aroace joy vs aroace loneliness fight
#im saying that as someone who IS aroace if this ends up in discourse territory somehow#sometimes i think it's some form of internalized arophobia and it probably is a little at least#but i just feel so wrong and lonely thinking about the future#because i love the idea of being in love (as one can tell) but i just don't love people like that#and aside from any other self worth and confidence issues involved in obtaining a partner it just seems unfair to them you know#that id never be able to love them in that way#before anyone says qpr i am WELL AWARE!!! but then we go back to the Other Issues#besides its so easy to find other aros online but irl nobody really understands#so its kinda hopeless#ive always wanted to get married and have kids of my own !!! like genuinely i love the idea of it#but i doubt id ever find someone who would like#want to be a secret 3rd thing with me and get platonically married and raise kids or smth#and then theres the whole thing about me probably not being a good parent or being able to even afford to have kids so like. GRGRRARARSRR#cant win#ive accepted the fact im gonna be alone but it doesn't make it any happier. it feels like theres something wrong with me you know#but on the other hand i love being aroace its such an integral part me??#and it makes me so happy to be apart of the community and to know its okay#that there are people who understand the Lack#and even in the specific ways i do!!!#so its like so. aughhghhghh#saying this feels like a betrayal because i know theres nothing wrong with not#finding love. i heavily criticize the idea that people need love in their life to be fulfilled.#i feel like im wrong on both ends. to want it AND not feel it#personal posts and stuff idk#cw vent#aethers rants#sorry to be a party pooper i think its getting a bit cloudy and its getting to me
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syncrovoid-presents · 8 months
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Hazbin Hotel thoughts (with a splash of vague theories) (Alastor edition)
Something that is super fascinating about how Alastor's character has been left highly up to interpretation is that, before these next episodes at least, it's not entirely clear what his motives are.
We know he is a skilled manipulator, a master of wording things in his favour to get the deals he wants. We know he's a serial killer that puts the laughter in slaughter, yet still has a variation of a moral code. We know he has ties, likely to lilith (though personally I really hope it ends up that he made a deal before he died for power, which now haunts him in hell).
We know that he partly protects the hotel because it's where he has a new radio broadcaster, but his protection of it could be protection for him, for what demon would mess with a friend (father figure?) of the princess of hell? Even Lucifer can't actually hurt him without hurting Charlie, regardless of how authentic Alastor is towards her.
Is his song purely to manipulate Charlie into feeling safer around him? Is he slowly wearing down her defenses so she may accidentally (or even purposefully) make a deal with him? It's clear from the dialogue and interactions that he's not incorporating himself much into the group, and we still don't know what's up with his radio broadcasting system being up once more.
There's so many ways it can be interpreted, but it's fun to have a character that is both mysterious but also bound to a set of morals he doesn't care to explain. He is the master of his own life, and (likely) sees others as lesser because they're weaker/manipulatable/"stupid". Yet his morals are just present enough that he could find it dishonorable to destroy demons that have, perhaps in his eyes, given up power for a chance at redemption.
There's also other questions around his character too, my biggest one being whether he has 1 power source or two? Many times we see his power/magic manifest as red hues (symbols specifically), similar to how he wears all red. Other times it is green, which may or may not be tied to his "neon" colours. Is it because red and green are complimentary but conflicting? Is it to show that one power is fully his and the other is not? Does the neon represent a lack of truthfulness or him acting outside of his true wishes? Because the only time we've really seen it is when he is saying (somewhat) nice things in very specific situations.
Does Alastor know Vaggie is/was an angel? He didn't like her in the pilot, and its unclear whether their strained dynamic is because Vaggie wants to protect Charlie and it is one sided, or if Alastor knows and is waiting for the perfect moment to use that against her, perhaps for a deal?
Also his only songs so far have been him just taking over someone else's song. How petty and silly of him. Can't wait to see what he has planned next!
Who knows! Either way Hazbin Hotel is a very fun show and I'm so excited for the next episodes!!
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