#sometimes you just never knew…

[futazolam]

There are two types of alcoholic.

[inkskinned]

one of the things about having an unstable parent is that it can so easily ruin your future. you want to get out, but getting out takes having agency. it takes the resume and the grades and the stellar community service history.

but you have to choose your battles. you know if you sign up for an after-school activity, it'll be okay for a while, so long as the activity is parent-approved and god-fearing. over time, like all things, it will become an argument (i can't keep carting your ass to these things) or a weapon (talk to me like that again, see if you get to go to practice). sometimes, if you love the thing, it's worth it. but you also know better than to love something: that's how they get you. if you ever actually want something, it will always be the center of their attention. they will never stop threatening you with it. telling you of course i'm a good parent, i came to all of those stupid events.

you learn to balance yourself perfectly. you can either have a social life or you can have hobbies. both of these things will be under constant scrutiny. you spend too much time with her, you should be at home with family is equally paired with you're acting like this because you're addicted to what's on that goddamn screen. you cannot ever actually win, so everything falls within a barter system that you calculate before entering: do you want to learn how to drive? if so, you'll need to give up asking for a new laptop, even though yours died. maybe you can work on a computer at the library. of course, that would mean you'd be allowed to go to the library, which would mean something else has to bleed. nothing ever actually comes free.

and that bitter, horrible irony: you could be literally following their orders and it still isn't pretty. they tell you to get a job; they hate that your job keeps you late and gives you access to actual money. they tell you to do better in school; they say no child of mine needs a tutor. they want you to stop being so morose, don't you know there are people who are really suffering - but they revile the idea you might actually need therapy.

you didn't survive that fall the way other people would. you've seen other people scramble and get their way out, however they could. maybe you were made too-soft: the answer didn't come to you easily. it wasn't quick. it was brutal and nasty. some people even asked you why didn't you just work hard and escape during school? and you felt your head spinning. why didn't you? (they control your financial aid. they control your loan status. they love having that kind of thing). maybe in another life you got diagnosed sooner and got the meds you needed to actually focus and got attention from the right teachers who helped you clear hurdles to get up out of here - but for now? here?

the effort of trying. the effort of not-dying. that kind of effort was absolutely agonizing.

[poorly-drawn-mdzs]

This is the start of something new

[First] Prev <–-> Next

[forcedhesitation]

astarion origin playthrough worth it just for all the extra moments where he does the "sad wet cat" face

[jessiesjaded]

I really, really wish people who don't have the capacity to properly take care of animals would simply accept and acknowledge that about themselves. This isn't even a post of me trying to be mean or judge anyone, I'm sure most people go into getting an animal with good intentions, but intentions and actions are different. If you don't have the time and the space and the care an animal needs, the animal will suffer. The fleeting joy of having a kitten or puppy or anything else doesn't last forever and they aren't toys to be put down and forgotten once you've moved past the inital excitement. If you don't have the ability to properly care for an animal, just accept that and simply admire them from a distance.

[mayomkun]

Insane how many social cues humans have and you're supposed to know them all without being told

[yuwuta]

If megumi asked uzhsjdhshd omg I totally see it tbh him wanting you, but I don't think megumi would ever ask yuuji to share you, in any type of way at all. (not trying to push my own hc here!!) I feel like yuuji himself would be the one asking megumi. Yuuji knows that he's yours just as much as he knows you're his. And he loves you too much, a lot, it's purest type of love he has ever felt for anyone. And megumi is his best friend, he loves him just as much, right? Yes, not the same love between you and him ofc but yes. And I have no idea what they were doing but yuuji's just says, kind of out of the blue, that he'd let megumi fuck you. The reason being exactly cause he knows you're his, and you're just so so good that he needs to have someone to talk to (about you and always so respectfully) and who better that his best friend?

you’re opening the pandora’s box that is itfs + reader…. god….. 

okok i agree. if you’re dating yuuji, megumi would never ask, yuuji would be the one to bring all three of you together. definitely because he loves you and you’re his, and he loves megumi too, so it just makes sense that his two favorite people also get to have each other—but also, yuuji can tell megumi likes you, and he can tell you think megumi is attractive and since yuuji’s so nice, what kinder thing to do than to set you two up so he can watch (: he definitely enjoys being the mediator, also enjoys the somewhat awkward air between you and megumi, how yeah, maybe it’s a little taboo that the two of you are about to make out while you’re boyfriend watches, but yuuji likes that too… also he likes knowing that you both like him. like how lucky is he that his best friend and his girlfriend adore him so much :(( you two together makes so much sense in his head, because he talks to megumi about you, and he talks to you about megumi, and now, he can just pour all his love for both of you out at the same time

but also…. i’d like to think that yuuji’s maybe not so nice when it’s the other way around—when he and megumi get together first, and you’re megumi’s best friend. he’s not mean, but he does like to tease... how naughty of megumi to ask out yuuji knowing he’s still got a crush on you, and god does yuuji like to tease him about it :/ jerks him off and taunts about how he knows megumi’s dirty little secret—that he’s in love with his best friend and fantasizes not just about having you, but about watching his own boyfriend fuck you too… 

yuuji knows megumi would take his feelings for you to the grave if he could (he’d have done the same with his feelings for yuuji if yuuji wasn’t the one to ask him out), but where’s the fun in that! you and megumi are sooo cute together after all, so yuuji doesn’t mind trying to get you two to confess to each other too. uses his proximity to megumi to get closer to you, takes advantage of his bubbly disposition to be physically affectionate with you, uses megumi’s feelings to his advantage to tease, to wink, to smirk whenever you and yuuji hug a little longer, when he texts megumi that he’s meeting up with you for lunch, when he gives you his jacket and doesn’t ask for it back… there’s so much fun in watching megumi blush and whine and get off at the thought of his best friend and his boyfriend together. and the thing is, yuuji genuinely does like you, too, he sees what megumi sees in you, and he thinks megumi is crazy to have not asked you out before, but he supposes everything happens for a reason, because now, this way, yuuji gets to be there and watch it all happen under his guidance. there’s something about the power, about being the bridge between you two even though you and megumi have known each other for much longer, about being in control of a dynamic that could have, but wouldn’t exist without him…

[napping-sapphic]

God i’m thinking about how easily and unknowingly strangers can grant you salvation like i found it in how my old classmate told me once that i was a kind person and it was the first time i’d ever believed it

in how a coworker once said that i always seem so happy and have a nice smile and i cried about it when i got home since i’d always been told i seem too serious or mean

in how someone once told me i was good at comforting them when i’d always thought i was bad at it

Just god they’re out there somewhere and i barely remember what they looked like and we’ll never cross paths again but they changed me so deeply, they’re out there but they’ll never know how often i revisit those memories and think of myself even just a little more kindly they’re out there and i don’t know them but they’re the most important people in the world to me somehow

[dizzybizz]

lvl 100 puzzle-master

lvl 1 puzzle-apprentice

[sciderman]

i relate to peter parker because i’ve had six crushes this year alone

damn son save some for the rest of us!!

[saviourkingslut]

not to be about opera again but to be about opera again. as an art form it has the reputation of being super stuffy and something for snobs who don't know how to have fun only but honestly this was one of, perhaps even THE main theatrical entertainment for centuries. i wish people knew how hard these things can go and how engaging they can be. like characters kill and die and fight wars and (almost) commit human sacrifice left and right. characters fall in love they mourn they're ecstatic they cry they're furious it's an extremely dramatic and emotional art form! and i understand that opera does not appear approachable bc of the general conventions of the art form but i promise old works can be fun and engaging if you go watch them with some preparation beforehand (reading the libretto helps) - not to mention not all operas are old bc there are so many modern operas which engage with topical events! also the music slaps.

[please-give-dd-bread]

haii!! so um not sure what to post but like all i can think of right now is um the correlations between Dakara Boku wa Ongaku wo Yameta and Elma so um here! have a list of the different ways Elma (the album) references the diary, letters and the album it responds to

(if i miss some let me know please)

and dearest mobile users i will spare you so have a cut

edit: so @just-nonsense-bungaku said some stuff in the replies (thank you so much!) and all the songs after 8/27 (or the Nautilus MV) were written by Elma when her anger lost steam and she started to process her grief. explaining why Ame to, Yuu, Kokoro and Amy sound so different from the style she used (or copied off of Amy) from pre-8/27

and another edit: @teamsavingmyles said some stuff in the rbs, thank you thank you thank you!!! i've been thinking about Yuunagi's references recently cuz i've been working on translating both albums but i never really got around to it so yeah thanks!

edit: i just changed the order of stuff because i forgot well. each song would be written on different days, so for example Koe wouldn't refer to Kokoro, more like Kokoro was inspired by Koe and Yuunagi's metaphor for a hole in the heart

1. 8/31 & 車窓 (Shasou/Train Window)

...they're instrumentals :P (seriously i find no connection)

2. 藍二乗 (Ai Nijou/Deep Indigo) & 憂一乗 (Yuu Ichijou/Only Sorrow)

the concept of i to the power of 2 (and however that relates to Amy's feelings about Elma)

also the first kanji of both titles sound like "i" and "you"

edit: so Ai's chorus' motif is about how blurred the world is, because of Amy's tears, while Yuu's chorus motif is how transparent the world feels to Elma, now that Amy's gone

edit: Yuu takes the phrase "I don't need anything" from Hachigatsu, but for a completely different reason. i think in Hachigatsu, Amy says he doesn't need anything to show his life will ends soon, so like what's the point of anything. in Yuu, Elma says she doesn't need anything besides Amy. she just wants to hear him sing, just one more time (or something)

i mean other than that there isn't much, they sound so different

(like seriously. Ai is like TADA. TADAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA. WHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO-- and then Yuu makes suis sound like she's about to cry. dakede *sobbing*)

3. 八月、某、月明かり (Hachigatsu, Bou, Tsukiakari/August, A Certain Place, Moonlight) & 夕凪、某、花惑い (Yuunagi, Bou, Hana Madoi/Evening Calm, A Certain Place, Fireworks)

so first of all both seem to stem from one memory of watching fireworks in the summer (according to a summary of Letters and Diary i read some time ago)

edit: re-reading Diary and it was Memory 17

Yuunagi was the first song Elma wrote, which is why it sounds so similar to Hachigatsu (INTENSE electric guitar, softer at the verses, picks up at the chorus, drops again)

also unrelated note but Hachigatsu is by far the angriest song i can think of. at least by Yorushika

edit: one of the last lines of Yuunagi may be what inspired Kokoro, "In my heart, a hole opens"

Yuunagi also references Ai, in the line "this song has about ___ characters" and the phrase "drowning in flowers" is seen again in Ame to

4. 詩書とコーヒー (Shikaki to Koohii/Songwriting and Coffee) & 雨とカプチーノ (Ame to Kapuchiino/Rain and Cappucino)

...coffee

okay seriously though, both also sound somewhat similar to each other (but from here on out, Elma's developing her own style :DDD)

in both songs they do struggle to keep up with memories of each other, in Shikaki Amy states he forgets things like dreams, things like Elma's mouth and eyes and in Ame to Elma tries not to let anything, literally all of her memories of Amy fade away. (reminds me of the reason why Elma kept a diary for her trip to Sweden)

5. 7/13 & 湖の街 (Mizumi no Machi/Lakeside Town)

...they're also instrumentals

6. 躍ろうぜ (Odorouze/Let's Dance) & 神様のダンス (Kamisama no Dansu/Dance of the Gods)

um the titles have "dance" in them???

not sure really. in Odorouze, Amy pretends everything's fine when he's still struggling with his memories of Elma and depression and whatever and in Kamisama no Dansu Elma is PISSED OFF about the fact that she decided to follow Amy's footsteps considering his values. i mean i don't blame her i don't feel like being told i'd have about a year left to live and just LIVE AND GO DO STUFF and go to Sweden before realizing "dang. i screwed up. can't talk it back now--" *oofs self on some random dock*

oh also a discussion i had w/ nonsense-bungaku on Kamisama has changed my beliefs slightly; Elma is still mad at Amy (and herself) for following his path and beliefs but she's also kind of done trying to create music with "value" and "purpose", just creating music because it's fun, because the process of creating music is something one can derive joy from

edit: Kamisama does take a line, "名もない花が綺麗とか" ("Nameless flowers are beautiful") and a slightly altered version of the line "そんなのどうでもいいから" ("I couldn't care any less about that", being "どうでもいいことばっかだ" meaning the same thing) from Yoru Magai

Kamisama also references Yoru Magai in the lines "I keep my head down, like I'm scared" because in the verses of Yoru, in the fifth lines, Amy talks about keeping his head down, so he can't see how blue the sky is or so he doesn't understand everyone's feelings.

another unrelated note, Kamisama no Dansu is still freaking good. not that it wasn't good before but like there's something about it that i really like and would talk about until i fainted from loss of oxygen.

7. 六月和雨上がりの街を書く (Rokugatsu wa Ameagari no Machi wo Kaku/In June, I'll Write About the Town After the Rain) & 雨晴るる (Ame Haruru/After The Rain)

first of all, both of them are about rain (astute observation. round of applause.)

i do think it's really cool how Amy says he'd write about the rain in the town he stayed at but never stayed long enough to write about it, so Elma does it for him. also Elma's style has changed from where she was before, like say, Yuunagi or Koe

also Rokugatsu references Ai Nijou and may be what inspired the creation of Parade

edit: both Ame and Rokugatsu talk about this "ultramarine" which, at least to me, in Rokugatsu refers to the whole memories and the window and in Ame Ha it refers to tears

Ame Ha also references Gogatsu with the swaying curtains, and *potentially* references Hachigatsu in the line "my heartbeat rung out". potentially. if i'm looking too deep and they aren't related don't yell at me

8. 五月は花緑青の窓辺から (Gogatsu wa Hana Rokushou no Madobe Kara/In May, from the Emerald Green Window) & 歩く (Aruku/Walk)

again, not sure how these correlate. though i like how Aruku's chorus is a slowed down version of Gogatsu's chorus.

edit: ...how i didn't notice this i will never know. the frikking Emerald Green/tears metaphor.

Aruku also talks about feeling "asleep", where Elma (as she said in Ame Ha) plays dumb and pretends not to know Amy would die early cuz chronic illness and moveth to foreign country (though Amy did grow up there) and unhealthy mental state. this song and Koe also talk about Elma hating herself for doing so, but Elma and Nautilus think that her playing dumb was pretty endearing

both songs also have this feeling of being "trapped", where Amy feels trapped in this life, and the only way out is Emerald Green, while Elma got left behind and is now stuck looking for at least scraps of the person she loves through these streets

Aruku also potentially references Yoru Magai in the way Elma imitates Amy by keeping her head down, the same way as Kamisama

9. 夜紛い (Yoru Magai/False Night) & 心に穴が空いた (Kokoro ni Ana ga Aita/A Hole Opened Up in My Heart)

i think it's cool how Yoru's main and last line is "I want to open up a hole in you" and then Kokoro's is like "That's why a hole has opened up in my heart" like HOWWWWW HOW MUST YOU HURT ME LIKE THAT

also Kokoro's third line references the song it responds to, as well as Letters 6/26, "a false night, like twilight, painted the town"

also another unrelated note KOKORO NI ANA GA AITA IS JUST SO SAD AND PAINFUL. LIKE AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA LET ME CRY

edit: how none of you said this gets me. um the line "君だけが僕の音楽なんだよ"、 エイミー ("You alone were my music", Amy) is literally from Ai Nijou (i mean i guess it was too obvious but whatever i'll put that in)

10. 5/6 & 森の教会 (Mori no Kyoukai/Church in the Forest)

more. instrumental.

11. パレード (Parade) & 声 (Koe/Voice)

both incorporate the concept of the God of Art which i think is cool

both are lyrically short

Koe references Yoru in the line "this heavy life is like a machine gun" and may have alluded to the metaphor from Yuunagi - in the line "what I want to draw/picture is the time that hollowed my heart" (and maybe a part of a line got re-used in Ame to Kapuchiino?? does the line "when I cry, it overflows” count???)

Koe also sounds like Parade, just in the key C#, not D

edit: in Letters 7/13, Amy said Parade was Koe

another edit: Parade is the song about the God of Art, right??? well i read @saikisser 's post on how FREAKING SAD PARADE IS AND LISTENING TO IT WITH CONTEXT MAKES IS EVEN SADDER and well Amy also thinks Elma is divine to him (because she's the one that sings the lyrics the God of Art managed to find in his fingers)

also another unrelated note but listen to Parade it's such a beautiful song i loveeeeeeeeeeeeeee ittttttttttttttttt

12. エルマ (Elma) & エイミー (Amy)

awwwwww the non-depressing songs!!! i love them sm

um they're messages directly to each other

both were the last songs each other wrote in the story

they both sound sweet and Kumo to Yuurei-esque, but slightly more upbeat (basically just similar to each other)

yeah i love those songs they're the only happy ones by Yorushika i can think of besides Haru Dorobou (which is just SPRING :DDD oooo flowers!!! they're pretty!!!)

anyways.

13. 4/10 & 海底、月明かり (Kaitei, Tsukiakari/Seabed, Moonlight)

another. instrumental. (dw this is the last instrumental)

aaaaaaaand the last one. the one we've been waiting for.

14. だから僕は音楽をやめた (Dakara Boku wa Ongaku wo Yameta/That's Why I Gave Up On Music) & ノーチラス (Nautilus)

so they were both featured at the end of their journeys. (Amy oofs himself on the dock, Elma finds his stuff a year later and cries before going home on a ship like a month later but in that month there's like no lore whatsoever so it's kind of an epilogue???)

Dakara Boku mainly is just. looking at whatever happened back then and how much Amy regrets whatever he did in Letters. he wishes he stayed with Elma cuz then he'd have a bit longer to live but well i guess he really isn't going to make it past the summer. also screaming. aaaaaaaaaaAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA--

i will say Nautilus was also written by Amy, because at the literal end (just before he wrote Elma, i think. he doesn't write when he says goodbye in Letters and Diary obviously doesn't state when it was written because well Elma doesn't know) he was going about his day before realizing the day he runs out of ink draws nearer and nearer. and he hasn't even considered how Elma felt/would feel after he's gone so he wrote Nautilus as a way to say "it will be hard, but turn away from me and lift your head to the future" and that makes me cry even harder like NOOOO I DON'T WANT TO LEAVE YOU HERE BUT ALSO I CAN'T TAKE YOU WITH ME CUZ YOU TOOK THE BUS TO THE OTHER WORLD CYA

and that's it for the albums! =w=

*pathetic bowing*

[yunwooz]

woosang ♡ for @miinsang

[poebrey]

do we think Tilly and Spock managed to poll everyone with their little clipboards when they did the going to the future thing or do you think there’s at least one crew member on Discovery who took the absolute worst nap of their life?

[sennaverstappen]

.

[icewindandboringhorror]

sometimes looking at like Self Help Strategies lists for the symptoms I'm having is always just like:

thing that I already do

thing I have tried 10 times

thing I already do

thing that I don't have the money to do

thing I already do

thing I've been doing since I was 10yrs old to no avail

thing that is impossible given my situation

thing that doesn't apply to me

thing that I already do

thing I have already tried

hrmm, oh wait, maybe finally- OH, yeah.. okay. thing that I already do but it was just phrased slightly differently

thing I have already done