#song: i wish i never had to say goodbye by james tw

[evanzbuck]

I know that it's not fair How much I miss you

for avacoleman

[justdsmp1]

⋆ 𝐈 𝐜𝐚𝐧'𝐭 𝐛𝐞𝐥𝐢𝐞𝐯𝐞 𝐢𝐭

Pairing(s): Dream x Reader

Pronouns:They/them

About: Your friends see you for the first time

Tw: Talk of cancer, domestic violence

Word count: 910

Masterlist

You sat in a hospital bed, feeling the worst. You just had to tell your friends that you have stage 4 cancer and it has spread around your body. All of them are traveling to see you before you do pass away, you were in a lot of pain but held off just for them. You had lost contact with your family, they didn't care much for you. A nurse came in with 3 boys Tommy, Toby, and Ranboo.

"Hey, boys," I say to them. They walk up to me and hug me tight.

"I'm so sorry Y/n," Toby says, looking at me sadly.

"It's alright Tubbo," I say putting my hand on his cheek. More came in, Wilbur, Phil, Niki, and Jack walk in next.

"Hey," I say softly to them. They all smile at me to try and make me feel better.

"I wish we had known sooner, so they could treat you," Will says.

"Yeah, I guess it was never meant to be" I quote our characters. Niki hugged me, cautiously and I try and squeeze her back but don't have the strength.

Karl, Quackity, and George arrive next, all saying their hellos. All of them wish for more time with you. Some were meeting you IRL for the first time. You didn't mind them seeing you like this and they all wanted to see you before you go. Wilbur started playing your favorite songs, he spent all night learning. People stopped by the room to hear the two singing.

"I heard that today was her last day" One whispered to the other.

Dream, Sapnap, and Techno arrived, you greeted them. Techno knew before everyone did, he was your bestest friend ever. Dream walked over to you, trying to look strong but couldn't on the inside, he hugged you then Sapnap as well.

Everyone crowded into your room stood around you, wishing the moment could last forever, you slowly sit up and stand up. You wanted to say proper goodbyes but fell. Dream was fast to catch you as your knees buckled. You hold onto him for dear life, Techno stood by Dream as you both dropped.

"Clay, I wish it didn't have to end like this," I say, weakly. Tears pooled into his eyes, begging to fall. I look to Techno.

"Please get better soon, don't end up like me, "I tell him. I look back at Clay and smile.

"You're so much more handsome in person," I tell him, we laugh.

"I want to tell you this though, I'm so in love with you Clay, "I tell him

"I'm so in love with you too," He tells me. I smile.

"I'm glad to hear but not don't be too heartbroken when I go, find someone," I tell him. Tears flow down his face, I look around at everyone, who knew what was about to happen. They all nod and I turn back to Clay, I smile as I take a breath in and then out but didn't breathe back in, my eyes shut.

"Y/n," He said, shaking you slowly but he knew.

"What's the time?" He mutters.

"Time of death 10:43 pm," He says, looking at his watch. He called for a nurse. When she arrived to see Y/n in the man's arms, she was confused.

"Time of Death 10:43 pm," He tells the nurse, the nurse is shocked.

Later that week, Y/n's funeral was held. Lots of people turn up except their family, well their biological family, they were their family. Everyone who was in the room with them went, Eret went, Sneeg, Kristen, Charlie, James, Ash, Scott, Lizzie, Joel, and even Mr. Beasr came with Chandler and Chris, everyone was there, celebrating their life and achievements.'

Then it was the time to look through their will, their family turned up. The person read through the will

"Then wrote something to Dream, with all my saved up money build that hotel I dreamed of opening."The person finished.

"What about us?! Anything for us?" Y/n's mother asked

"No and I'm not surprised, you treated them like shit, you didn't even visit them when they were sick, "Clay told them off.

Later in the year, Dream built that hotel, anyone welcome deals and discounts for people who have run away or been kicked out for any sort of reason, homeless people. Help them get jobs or give them jobs working for him, just helping them get back on their feet, they pay back the smallest fee in the end. They have professional people if you need to speak to someone, no discrimination, anything of the sort will end up kicked out or fired. 

He also helps people who are trying to escape domestic violence, he has police and security on site with also programs with the police to show people that the police are good people not all of them but a lot of them are. It runs so successfully, y/n would love it. A little memorial is there for Y/n flowers surround them from people who appreciate them and their idea. Every year on April 13th at 10:43 pm there is a moment of silence for them.

Wilbur, Tommy, Tubbo, and Ranboo started more fundraisers for cancer awareness, did fairs, marathons, and runs, and all sorts of things for them. 1 year later Techno joined them up above. The two best friends reunited, watching friends and family from above, they were so honored and proud of everyone. The two walked around together catching up and chatting together

[achliegh]

Bronze

Alright, I had this wonderful idea come into my head about Clayton, honestly he deserves his own fic. So here is his version of events! Lots will tie together with Golden so I recommend you read that as well. But you don’t have to of course.

Explaining:

Before Letter is the present.

Letter is updating the lives of the people back home, of whoever wrote it mostly.

After Letter is memory.

The first few letters will be very awkward because writing letters and not being sure what to talk about and what not to talk about is hard and confusing. Stick with me! Yes, this prologue is just a letter.

TW/CW: Discussions of death, miliatry training, smut, cringy jokes, underage drinking, dumb choices, swearing, and more later on.

Beta: @walking-crisis

Some Characters belong to @lumosinlove

Chapter 1:

Riding With Private Malone

Oath

Boot Scootin Boogie ( Line Dance )

Clayton read the letter over and over with a sad smile, he didn’t want to leave but he also felt like he needed a purpose in life. Sitting around while your lovers are successful isn’t what he pictured for himself. He recently found out that both his birth-parents were in the military and felt like he should follow in their footsteps.

A lot of people he was close to didn’t agree with this. Especially Leo, he was devastated. Probably the angriest Clay has ever seen him besides from when the Sheriff or his family would mention Wyatt.

This was something Clayton had to do. He didn’t know what branch his birth-parents were in so he went with the one that he thought he would enjoy most, the Navy. To be exact, Navy Seal but he has to pass training first. Which he did with flying colours making him on the younger side of the teams. But he felt unstoppable, but he missed his friends and family so much it felt like he couldn’t breathe. He also gave his lovers code names because he was worried what might happen if someone found out he was in a poly relationship that isn’t straight.

He didn’t think people would take too well to it.

He was sitting at the dinky table set up in their tent, they were on a special assignment, he had a piece of paper and a pencil that he found under the cots. He started writing back when his superior officer of their team came in. He was friendly and a good guy but a little aggressive at times. Great leader for the US military.

“Whatcha writing Stinky?” He walks over to take a peek at Clay's letter humming a song that constantly plays on their old satellite radio, Riding With Private Malone, and frowns. “Clay.” He rests his hand on Clay's shoulder making him look up. “You can’t write them back, they can’t know where we are or what we are doing.”

Clay lays down his pencil and stares at his letter.

“How will they know I’m alive?”

Deer Bestie,

I’m only writing to you because it feels right, Oath came on, remember that song? The one we would sing to each other every time it came on. It was the stupidest song but it always reminds me of middle school when we sang it in front of the school at the talent show. Stupid but worth it.

I’m still not over how you just got up and left after everything happened. It was two weeks after the worst week of my life and you just left. Gone.

You didn’t even have the thought in your head to tell me when you first signed up! You waited until the week before you left to tell me because you knew I would try to convince you not to go. You fucking idiot! I don’t think I will ever forgive you for this.

But that doesn’t mean I don’t miss you. I miss you so much.

Logan and Finn are amazing and doing all they can to make sure I’m okay. I love them, but it isn’t the same. They don’t know me as well as you and I just miss my brother.

No one has heard from you and I swear if you end up being dead I will never forgive you. I will be so fucking pissed I will meet you in hell and beat you up.

Come home Clay, please come back safe.

Love,

Leo

P.S.

You're a dickhead.

Pushing the doors open with vigor Clay and Leo strutted into their bar like they owned the place. Seeing new faces around the bullpen, Leo and him shared a knowing look and hopped the fence as a man with glasses got thrown from the bull again. Clay helped him up as Leo went over to the control board where a strikingly handsome man stood next to him. All broad shoulders and deep-toned skin. But Clay had a girlfriend so he didn’t look as long as he wished he could. Instead cracking jokes with this character in front of him.

He looked around at all the new faces, they all were attractive well-built men, he guessed professional athletes but all the logos he saw on shirts and hats. His eyes landed on two men who seemed very very close, passing a cheap cig back and forth while talking to Jimmy, the auctioneer that worked for Clay's dad. When he locked eyes with the shorter man with green eyes he knew right away.

Leo was going home with them.

Leo whistled at him as the other man walked off and Leo hopped on the machine. Saying goodbye to James, at least he thinks that's the name he told him, and walking over to the control board with Leo’s settings. He pressed the start key as the crowd sang with the song that was playing.

He cheered Leo on as he was thrashed around, catching the two guys who he spotted earlier just drinking Leo in. Lucky. It wasn’t that Clay didn’t like his girlfriend, it was just, she didn’t satisfy him in the ways he wanted. It was always about her so clay would have mediocre sex, sometimes good depending on how mad she was at him.

He had told her that he likes to be… more submissive in bed. She would make fun of him for this and while Clay enjoys being degraded he doesn’t enjoy it when it's because she thinks of him as less than a man. It really bothers him but she doesn’t care.

Later that night Boot Scootin Boogie comes on and Leo drags him to the dance floor after they had a few drinks, dancing in time with everyone else. Leo turns to him and sing with the song

“I want a shot of that redhead yonder lookin at me.” He winks at said redhead and notices the look he gets from both men. Clay smiles and laughs, shoving Leo playfully to get back in line. They dance until the song ends and wander back over to their drinks and sit as the next song starts up.

A couple songs later and Leo is waving goodbye as the two drag him out of the bar by his belt loop., Clay lifts his drink as a salute to him and drinks it in one go. He stands up and stretches, now that Leo is gone he should probably go or else Ashley will find out and give him hell for it.

“Hey yeehaw, come here!” Clay looks around and then points at himself in a questioning way when he sees who was yelling. James. Nodding James beckons him over and pats the seat between him and the man from earlier . “Your friend just stole two of our teammates!”

“From the looks of it, it seems your teammates stole my buddy.” He smiles when a man with practically white hair and a thick accent hands him a beer. “But they did seem his type.”

“Yeah, those two have been in love for years but won’t admit it. It gets really tense sometimes in the locker room.”

“What do y’all play?”

“Hockey” The man Clayton was purposefully avoiding looking at says. He takes a drink instead of answering him.

“Y’all enjoying the music? Doesn’t seem like something y’all would normally listen too.” He smiles when he gets clapped on the back by a laughing James.

“If you have better suggestions for country music we would love to hear them. Maybe we will start playing it in the locker room.” The man smiles at him and Clay feels his face heat up as he imagines being under him. The alcohol is really starting to hit.

“I- Yeah, I can give you some.” He can’t tear his eyes away from the man. He gives them loads of songs to listen to and some even come on in the bar. He sees James making a playlist and makes fun of him for it. Clay doesn’t really listen to playlists, seems boring to always know what songs are coming next.

His phone goes off with a text alert, he reads it and his face falls a little. He stands up and salutes the guys as he says goodbye and walks out the bar in a hurry. Outside waiting for him is his pickup, with Ashley in the driver's seat. He gets in and gives her a kiss on the cheek.

They drive in silence back to his house.

[hopinglimelight]

The Night We Met pt. 2 (D.S)

Ah, the long-awaited part two. Or as I just affectionately nicknamed it “the chapter of (maybe) tears” Anything italicized is lyrics that come from the song, but some had to be changed to make sense. 

TW: A few swear words and an extremely sad theme. Death of a Major character/ after more mentions of the death. Insomnia and implied depression.

“it’s one in the morn-“

“Luna.” There was something in his voice that made me snap my eyes open, suddenly awake.

“Corbs, are you okay?”

“I’m fine.”

I put my phone on speaker before leaving it on the bed. “What’s wrong?” I walked over to get myself a pair of socks, and by the time I sat back down on my bed, he still hadn't responded. “Corbyn?”

“It’s Daniel.” 

I sucked in a deep breath at his whimper. I knew deep down inside that I had to keep my calm. “Where is Dani, Corbyn?”

He let out a long deep sob, and then there was the rustling of the phone. 

“Hey, Luna.”

“Jonah Marais Roth Frantzich. You tell me where Daniel is right the instant.”

“He’s at the hospital and he’s been asking to see you. You know the one, right?”

“Yeah, Jonah… is there something that you guys aren’t telling me?”

He sighed. “Just hurry and get down here, please?” 

“Fine.” 

I grabbed my keys and hopped in my car. I turned on the radio and drove in silence. I was expecting something minor. A broken wrist or maybe his appendix was acting up. I didn’t expect the look I saw in the receptionist’s eyes. I didn’t expect to see all four of the boys crying in the waiting room. 

“Guys?” I asked, voice cracking. My heart completely jumped out of my chest and landed with a splat on the floor. That’s where it would remain. 

“He wants to see you. He got in a bad car accident.”

“Jack, I don’t know if I can.”

“Please, Luna.” The bloodshot eyes of Zach met mine, and that was the moment I knew. This wasn’t some minor injury. This was serious. So serious, that they don’t know if he’ll make it out of this hospital.

“Miss Grant?” I nodded. “I’m Dr. Casey. I’m here to update you on Mr. Seavey’s health. From everyone’s understanding, he was driving and got hit straight on by another car. Then, he ended up running into a telephone pole, or another vehicle, on the driver’s door before flipping his vehicle. He is suffering from extreme internal bleeding from the level of severity of the crash. Be careful around his abdomen, as that’s where the blood is going. I’m sorry, but there’s nothing that we can do for him. We don’t expect him to make it through the night.” 

The doctor confirmed my thoughts. My best friend, the love of my life, is going to die. Dr. Casey offered me a sad look, and I swear I could see a tear in his eye.

“Don’t you, you guys want to. Anyone want to see him?” I stumbled over my words.

“No, we already said-” Zach couldn’t even say it. The dreaded word. Goodbye.

So I turned away from them and sucked in another deep breath. Without crying, I walked into Daniel’s hospital room.

“Hey, Lunar Eclipse.” he perked up as much as he could when I walked in. His ribs were wrapped up, I assume to keep him comfortable. I hate to say it, but I was kind of thankful so then I didn't have to see his abdomen. 

I internally winced. “Hi, Dani.”

So we sat in silence. I felt guilty. He was dying and I didn’t even have the balls to talk to him. I looked over and saw him staring at me.

“What do you need Dani?”

“Nothing, just admiring how beautiful you are.”

“But-”

“I broke up with Jessica.” He cut me off. “I realized how much of a wedge she put between us. I realized I couldn't lose you. I Love you Luna Noelle Grant and I hate myself for the fact that I took me dying to tell you.”

I scooted my chair closer to him. I leaned in and pressed my forehead on his. “I love you too Daniel James Seavey. I have loved you since that first night, and I will love you forever.” 

I disconnected our foreheads, grabbing his hand. The skin was starting to go frighteningly cold, horrible in contrast to the warm, lively skin he once had. Silence. New, comfortable silence. We watched the sun come up. He made it through the night. Even the doctors were surprised. They said my presents brought out something in him. I was the reason he made it this far. However, I knew we didn't have much longer, and he seemed to know that too.

“Please. Can you play that song? Do you know the one? From way back to the night we met.”

So I did. I took out my phone and gave my lover his last dying wish. As the words of Ed Sheeran filled our ears, I put my forehead back on his. I ignored the deadly cold. As the last lyric rang out, Daniel used his last bit of energy and kissed me. The short, weak, kiss meant the world to me. The first and the last given to me by Daniel. With one last “I love you, Luna,” my angel flatlined. 

That's when I finally started crying out my tears of grief and frustration. My lover came and went. I was alone, Daniel was gone and I don't know what the hell I'm supposed to do.

Months passed, and everyone started getting better. Except me. I never slept, I had to see a therapist. I refused to move on. 

My eyes flicked behind my therapist's head. His soft brown hair rested on his forehead, just like the first time I saw him, his eyes visible through the gaps he left. “I see him again,” I told her one day. 

“Luna, that's just your conscience. He’s not really there. Ignore him.”

I tried to listen, but I couldn’t. No matter how hard I tried, I couldn't get the memories of Daniel out of my head. I was told that it was from the insomnia I developed. I think it's his actual ghost and that kills me.

“I don’t know what I'm supposed to do when I'm being haunted by the ghost of you,” I told him one night.

I often thought back to those few times the night he died To the subtle times when the night was full of terror and our eyes were filled with tears. To the time before our kiss, when he had not touched me yet. The first time I ever saw Daniel was probably the best night of my life. There was something different about him. He wasn’t like any guy from the past I'd dated. I had fallen and the night I knew I had done so? That was the night we met. I just wish we could go back, to relive the positive memories. Only a handful of times did I wish to go back so that I could tell myself not to ride along with him. That I just went straight into my home the first time. So then I wouldn't seem like the only traveler on the trail of life to not be searching for a trail to follow, again. I am the only one who has not repaid their debt to Daniel. I am the reason he died. He was coming for me that night. I was the one to blame. I spent so much more time begging. I’d look at the sky, my therapist, my family, anyone. I’d ask the same thing every time.

“Please, take me back to the night we met.”

[ashthewaterghoul]

Take Me Back – A Wolfstar One Shot

TW - mention of abuse, implied suicidal thoughts, implied depression.

You look just the same as I always remember.

Ever since the last time Sirius Black said farewell to Remus Lupin, he had fantasised about the day they would finally be reunited. Well thirteen year later and that day was finally here. Sirius was once again facing Remus, his scars travelling over his face in a familiar curvature, golden brown hair flopping over his face, his eyes still an intoxicating shade of amber.

All those Friday nights, Under the lights, under the bleachers together.

In their search for hidden passageways and cupboards in school, the two lads found a gap in the quidditch stands that had a perfect view of the night sky. They told no-one, and would often sneak off together on their sleepless nights.

You and I were meant to be something more than a faded memory, ‘till you and I, something divided us.

Anybody with eyes could see they were perfect for each other, they could’ve done so much together. But, Sirius got framed for mass-murder, and they were forced to part without so much as a goodbye. That was 13 years ago.

If the universe is infinite, then it's definite, there's an alternative reality where we're now a family.

During his imprisonment, Sirius wondered if there was a version of events where he was happy with Remus. They always wanted a family together, but clearly their happiness wasn’t allowed to exist.

Take me back in time to love you, take me back when we were lost, lost in love and lost in feeling without the cost.

Sirius wondered if the wonders of the magical world could include time travel, then he go back and fix everything he did that separated him from his beloved.

Take me back in time to high school, take me back when things were light, light my heart and light my shadow, and make it alright.

Hogwarts was easily the highlight of his life, he had James, Lily, Marlene, Mary, Dorcas, Alice, Frank, and even Minnie. There was no war, he had months on end away from his parents. And he had him.

Cause I already lost it once what I already won.

Sirius’ abuse left him with terrible nightmares, and those nightmares gave him terrible thoughts. Him getting to spend time with Remus was his reward for not succumbing.

You don't look the same at all as I remember. The light has left your eyes, something has changed, then you were way more put together.

When Remus first laid eyes on Sirius, after thirteen long, painful years, he knew it was him, but it didn’t look like him. His hair was no longer the shoulder-length silky curtain, it was an matted, scraggly mess. His once warm, sculpted face was now gaunt and hollow. His flesh and muscle was hanging, loosely on his bones, it looked paper thin, no where near as soft as it was when they were young.

But I remember something someone asked me back in school. [Pads], if you asked me, I'd still go to prom with you.

Remus knew his Sirius was in there, he would give anything to get him back, not that he really had much to give. The happiest night of their lives was the seventh year leavers ball. That night they vowed to be with each other until the grave, they even planned to get tattoos of each other’s paw prints. Remus only built up the courage for it once it was too late.

The universe is infinite, and its definite, there's an alternative reality, where its only you and me.

Every full moon, when Remus was at his worst, in every way, he wished for another life, where he could be happy with Sirius. Together, they could’ve taken on the world. Remus wondered if he could ever be happy, and hoped that if he ever could, Sirius would be at his side.

Take me back in time to love you, hold me closer than before, heal my heart and mend what's broken, to feel you once more.

Remus wished to be in fifth year again, when he and Sirius started dating. Before each full moon, Remus didn’t know whether or not he could take it again, but Sirius was always there for him, he always knew just what say, the exact amount Remus needed to be squeezed when he was holding him. Remus had lost faith in nearly everything, until he found out the traitor Pettigrew was alive. He had faith in his love, that he was innocent, that he wasn’t corrupt and evil like he’d foolishly thought for too long.

Take me back to high school, take me back when things were light, light my heart and light my shadow, for one more night.

Remus had felt as if love was merely a trick of the mind, you thought it existed but it was just your imagination, his body playing one cruel trick after another on him. He felt as if everything was dark. Nothing could light the endless abyss that was Remus Lupin’s life. That was until he saw Sirius again. His shining star was there again to light the void.

I've lost too much now to care, but I know that something's still there.

They’d both lost nearly everything. They thought all hope was gone until they were back in front of each other. When they embraced each other, they felt like school boys again. They hadn’t ever had a sense of déjà vu like that. Ever.

I'll never let you go. I'll never let you go. I'll never let you go now.

The first time they were alone together after too much time apart, they said the same vow as they did that night in seventh year. The tattoos would just have to wait.

Just take be back, gotta take me back. Just take me back, gotta take me back…

Throughout their relationship while in Hogwarts, James, Lily, Marlene and Dorcas were the people constantly pushing them together. Sirius decided to find Remus, a week after he went into hiding, he didn’t want to go however long it would be without a proper goodbye. Not again. When they could finally spend five minutes alone, they felt as if their friends, no, family was pushing them together again.

In time to love you. Hold me closer than before, heal my heart and mend what's broken to feel you once more.

The first kiss in 13 years felt like the first time all over again. Merlin, how Remus had missed Sirius gently tracing his facial scars with his thumb, and Sirius had missed Remus gently tucking his hair behind his ear.

Light my heart and light my shadow to make it alright. Alright!

The few moments they shared before Sirius had to flee, were some of the best moments they’d ever shared. There was so much to tell, so much to do, but it would have to wait. As Remus watched his once again boyfriend fly into the night-sky. He was not sad, he had a feeling they would get to get to catch up soon enough. Sirius shared the same emotion. They felt connected in an way only explainable by one of the oldest, most powerful, most potent forms of magic. Love.

Hello there! As you may have guessed this was to a song again. The song is ‘Take Me Back’ from a musical called ‘Black Friday’. The song reminds me of a post-poa Wolfstar, Sirius as Tom (the male part) and Remus as Becky (the female part). Hope you enjoyed it, any feedback would be greatly appreciated as well as other ideas for future fics. ❤️

Here’s the link to the song: https://youtu.be/MCZnMDZrgvQ

You can view all my one shots here

[iwillflyoutofhere]

The playlist was called “What If?” What if was the start of a lot of my questions regarding us. What if I had never cheated? What if I could convince you to take me back? What if you had never left Aberdeen? What if we had tried to work through this instead of you ending it? What if I had broken up with you before all the cheating started?

Maybe you’ll listen to these songs and think the same things I did when I heard them. Some are from my point of view; others are from your point of view. Although I’m deleting the playlist, I won’t stop listening to them, as most of them are on my Sweetness with Added Goodness playlist. I will not censor my life to stop myself thinking of you. If it happens, then so be it, but it’s been happening less and less minus the last 3 weeks. Goodbye Stephen. I loved you with an intensity that I couldn’t contain, and although I screwed you over and broke myself in the process, I am so happy that you are no longer mine. Maybe I will see you again, maybe not. May you be well, may you be happy, may you be free from suffering.

Bad – James Bay

These Days – Rudimental

Warning Sign – Coldplay

Poison & Wine – The Civil Wars

This Town – Niall Horan

Back To December – Taylor Swift

Back To You – Selena Gomez

Focus – Sigrid

Breathe – Taylor Swift, Colbie Caillat

All Too Well – Taylor Swift

Someone You Loved – Lewis Capaldi

Be Alright – Dean Lewis

Let Me Down Slowly – Alec Benjamin

Last Kiss – Taylor Swift

Dynamite – Sigrid

You Are The Reason – Calum Scott

I Don’t Want To Know – Sigrid

Consequences – Camila Cabello

fOoL fOr YoU – ZAYN

Million Words – The Vamps

You Ruin Me – The Veronicas

All Time Love – Will Young

Forever – Lewis Capaldi

Lost On You – Lewis Capaldi

Thinking Of You – Katy Perry

You Don’t Know Love – Olly Murs

Lost Without You – Freya Ridings

Castles – Freya Ridings

In The End – Linkin Park

Say You Will – Fleetwood Mac

Goodbye Baby – Fleetwood Mac

Bad Decisions – Bastille

Divide – Bastille

Go Your Own Way – Fleetwood Mac

Hard Feelings – Fleetwood Mac

Where Are You Now? – The Summer Set

Just A Feeling – Maroon 5

In Between – Linkin Park

Droplets – Colbie Caillat, Jason Reeves

Breakeven – The Script

Gold Dust Woman – Fleetwood Mac

Did You Ever Love Me – Fleetwood Mac

Just The Same – Charlotte Lawrence

Midnight Train – Sam Smith

Losing You – Busted

My Happy Ending – Avril Lavigne

Goodbye My Lover – James Blunt

All I Want – Kodaline

Heavy – Anne-Marie

Too Close – Alex Clare

Don’t Call Me Up – Mabel

What Do You Want From Me – Pink Floyd

Let Me Go (with Alesso, Florida Georgia Line & watt) – Hailee Steinfeld

Mind The Gap – Scouting For Girls

Somebody That I Used To Know – Gotye

Take It All – Adele

Talking – Germain

Wish You Were Here – Pink Floyd

The Last Time – The Script

Lose You To Love Me – Selena Gomez

Tell Me How – Paramore

Ex – James TW

No Peace – Sam Smith

But We Lost It – P!nk

Palace – Sam Smith

All Too Well – Taylor Swift

Forever & Always (Piano Version) – Taylor Swift

Palace (Demo) – Katie Mackie

Sick of Losing Soulmates - dodie

[hamilton-one-shots]

(Another insert in the Photography AU)

(TW: Police shooting, death)

Saturday night. Date night for Thomas and John, and they were just about to leave the apartment when Thomas glanced at John.

“Hold it. Right there,” he said suddenly, grabbing John’s shoulders and moving him to the right place.  

“What?” John asked with a laugh.

Thomas smiled. “You look stunning. Just wait while I grab my camera.”

“Thomas!” John complained, though clearly far from annoyed.

“Wait!” Thomas warned before running over to their room, coming back with his camera.

John let out an overdramatic, exasperated sigh before smiling and posing, knowing that it was his only way out.

“You just look great, okay? There, I’m done,” Thomas said, an obvious smile in his voice. He put the camera in its case to take with him, knowing that he was going to find some other place where John was going to look great in his hoodie and jeans, then smiled at John, who rolled his eyes and reached for his phone as it suddenly rang.

“Who is it?” Thomas asked, just curious.

John paused, silent for a moment before answering softly. “It’s my dad...”

“Oh..” Thomas muttered, expression falling. John’s father.. The same man who banished him from his own home the second he turned 18, not letting him come near his much younger siblings. “I’ll let you get it.”

“No, we can go. He’s probably asking me if I stole his stupid watch again,” John responded, clearly annoyed. He grabbed his phone and answered it, following Thomas outside and to the car. “Hello?”

“Jack.. We need to talk,” his father said, a clear urgency in his voice.

“What is it?”

“It’s about James.. He and his friends were out fooling around and some police officers saw them running around and..” He paused. “Just come to the hospital. Now.”

John didn’t know how to react, so he didn’t. He sat in the car and kept the phone to his ear, Thomas shutting the door for him.

John never thought it could happen to any of his siblings or himself, for that matter. But the possibility was always in the back of his mind, looming like a dark cloud. Now, here was the thunder. James was a good kid. Straight As, never got detention. People always assumed James would be a troublemaker just because Henry Jr was and they were twins, but the two couldn’t have been more different. And now, John was being told that he’d been shot down, like an animal. Just for running around. Just because he looks like a troublemaker. Just because people see him and his family members and see trouble.

“Jack, are you listening to me?” his father’s voice rang, pulling John out of his thoughts.

“I’m on my way,” John finally replied in a rush. The second the line went dead, he dropped his arm with an exasperated sigh, feeling Thomas’s hand on his shoulder.

“What happened?” he asked, urgently.

“James. He.. I have to go to the hospital. Now,” John replied, his voice hard.

Thomas didn’t dare question it and drove them to the hospital as quickly as he could. The second that they got to the hospital, John jumped out of the car and sprinted inside, stopping near the entrance as he realized something. That was the last thing James was able to do before it happened. That burst of adrenaline and pounding heartbeat that came with a sprint.. Did he even realize it?..

Thomas came up behind him and put a hand on his shoulder, leading him into the hospital and to the nurse’s station. “We’re here to see James Laurens. This is his brother,” Thomas said in a rushed tone.

The nurse behind the counter nodded and calmly searched up the room before giving them the room number and the directions.

John walked fast with Thomas to the room and slowed down when he found his family, pulling all three of his other siblings into a hug. He even felt his father’s hand on his shoulder. This wasn’t the time for them to fight, and they both knew it.

John’s father pulled him aside and let out a heavy sigh before speaking, keeping his tone soft. “They can’t do anything for him. They knew that when he got here. He’s lost too much blood. They’ve given him morphine to ease his pain and they’ve cooled him down so we could all get the chance to say goodbye..”

Goodbye. That word felt like a punch in the stomach.

“Listen.. I know we’ve never seen eye to eye, but you should be the one in there when it happens. Go, I’ll wait with the others.”

John didn’t hesitate to walk into the room, holding in a sob. He didn’t know what James could sense, but he did not want him to live his last moments in fear. John walked over and sat in the chair beside him, taking his hand.

“Hey, James...” he began, speaking softly. He wasn’t sure what kind of reaction he was expecting, if he was expecting any kind of reaction, but James managed to surprise him.

While James didn’t make any motion to look at his brother, he did squeeze his brother’s hand the tiniest bit. James wanted to do more, to look at his brother, to tell him that he knew John was there, but he couldn’t.. As hard as he tried, he couldn’t, and he couldn’t when the others had come to see him. That tiny sign was all he could give.

But for John that was enough. His brother was still alive, and James could hear and feel him there. Whatever else he could feel, John could only hope that it wasn’t too bad. “I’m here for you, Jemmy.. I’m here for you until the end.” He raised his brother’s hand to his lips and kissed it, not reacting to the cold, clammy skin that met his lips. “Everything’s going to be okay. You’re going to be able to finally meet mom and we’re going to be alright down here.” His mom... John’s mom had died during childbirth, so James hadn’t even gotten to meet her. “We’re going to miss you, just like we miss her... But it’s going to be fine, knowing that you’re going to be safe.” James was finally going to be able to experience the warmth of their mother’s care. John just wished that this didn’t have to happen to make that possible. “I’m sorry I couldn’t spend more time with you, but I hope to god you know that I love you. You’re my brother, James, and I love you. You and the other three.” He kissed his hand again and glanced up at the silent heart monitor. They were running out of time..

James squeezed his brother’s hand again. James may have been young, but he wasn’t naive. He couldn’t feel much, but he did notice a few things. He couldn’t see.. He couldn’t open his eyelids if he wanted to. And all he could feel was his brother’s hand in his own. He was scared... Of course he was scared.. But having John there made things that much easier and that was all he could ask for.

“I’m here, Jemmy.. I promise you, I’m not leaving you.” John squeezed his hand and kissed his forehead before resting his head beside his and singing “Dreaming Of You” by Selena, one of the songs that their mother sang to John when he was much younger. At her request, it had been the last thing John sang to her before she died and, now, it was going to be one of the last things James heard.

It was hard to get the words out, of course. Every few phrases, John was interrupted by a sob in his throat, but every time, he choked it down and steadied himself, then continued singing for his brother, unaware of Thomas’s presence in the room. He wanted to make sure his brother knew he’d remember him, that he’d always miss him.

And he knew. James wished that he could let John know that he knew.

From across the room, Thomas had tears rolling down his own cheeks as the scene unfolded in front of him and took as many pictures as he could. John’s pain was just so real, the suffering in his eyes as clear as day, despite how calm he was trying to sound.

And it was only getting harder for John with every passing second. He wanted nothing more than to break down, to sob and scream over the injustice that was his brother’s death, but he couldn’t do that. According to the brainwaves that were being captured, he was still alive. And John was not going to let his brother let his last memory be of his older brother’s wailing.

But the second that the activity stopped, the second that every monitor in the room told him the same thing, told him that James was gone, John let it all out.

Screams and wails tore themselves from his throat and he clutched the blanket on his brother’s bed as tightly as he could, hard enough that he could feel his fingernails right through it.

Thomas wanted to catch each moment, every last second of raw emotion that John was going through, but even he couldn’t resist going to his boyfriend’s side. Thomas put his hand on John’s back. “I’m here, baby,” he said quietly.

John reached back and grabbed his hand, squeezing the life out of it while gently holding his brother’s hand. The rest of his family came in and joined in the mourning, sobbing and crying around John.

John held them all and forced himself to calm down, leading them out of the room. They were only kids.. Martha was only sixteen and the other two were only thirteen, just like James had been. It wasn’t something they should be seeing, something they shouldn’t have to experience. Not at any age.

He had them sit before going to his father, discussing what they would do next. Of course, it had already gotten to the press. They decided that John would be involved, he was part of the family and refused to stay silent about it, and there would be a private funeral service. As public as his father was about things, that much, he could agree on.

John ended up spending the night at the hospital, not wanting to leave yet, and Thomas was right with him the entire time.

In the morning, they went home and Thomas showed John the pictures he took, as he always did. If John didn’t want him taking them, he could always delete them. That’s what he figured. But John didn’t want a single picture deleted. It hurt to look through them. The pictures brought him back into the moment. It brought back the tightness in his throat and the soreness in his body. The feeling of dread in the pit of his stomach and the heaviness in his heart, his body broken with the knowledge that he was never going to see his brother smiling and laughing and running around like a kid again. He felt it. Thomas felt it. It was the kind of thing that, if he had to, other people should have to feel, especially those that just thought of it as a mistake. His brother’s death was many things, but those who called it just a mistake were mistaken themselves.

Thomas sat beside him and ran his hand over his back in gentle circles. “I’m so sorry, baby..” he whispered, kissing his cheek.

“He was too young..” John cried out softly.

“I know..” Thomas sighed. He couldn’t imagine how much John was feeling, how badly he was suffering. All Thomas wanted to do was comfort him, to hold him and assure him that things were going to get better. And he promised himself that he was going to do just that.

(Disclaimer: The last thing I want to do is make light of this kind of thing happening, that’s not at all what I’m trying to do here. It’s a tragedy that this ever happens and I feel afraid of it every time I go outside. I know that not all cops are bad, I’m not trying to insinuate that they are. This is fiction, a story that I wrote because the idea just made itself into my brain and I’m genuinely sorry to anyone who it may offend.)