#sorry I don't feel like editing

[entireoranges]

Old fashion ramble post

 I need to find away to work on my self confidence. The sad thing is I know I have mentioned this before. It’s easy to say “I need to such and such.” but it’s far harder to actually do something about it.

Last few months (longer?) I have been getting all these crafting project ideas and to be honest 98% are quite easily and attainable and if focus and forced myself to do them I’d be fine. The thing is I convince myself before I start that it will be .. dumb, no one will like it, I can’t actually do it, etc and I don’t do anything.

It doesn’t help that though she means well but my mom is like the meme/scene from The Office, the “It’s happening!” one with Michael Scott freaking out over the fact after 40 years of not having an interest in sewing I suddenly find myself wanting to try it. She’s trying to be patient and give me space but I know she’s dying for me to actually start. However a few days ago I was looking and organizing some fabric squares I got in color schemes for a possible project and she started suggesting certain ones. Then that same day while out she kept pointing out methods/ways I could do said project. BTW it’s placemats. Easy measy and a simple starting project (I hope) but she’s already talking about stitching patterns and designs that I don’t feel like I’d be ready for.

Oh and she is very critical and a bit judgemental on projects. Few days ago I painted some wooded circles for earrings half black and half yellow because they are going to have bumblebee charms attached and her first comment was they weren’t even in the color spilt and/or the line was crocked. I told her I knew and it was ok because it wasn’t suppose to be “perfect” and it gives it a true handmade feel. Though I won’t lie it sorted defeated me because it made me think maybe it is dumb...

I deleted the post because I realized I missed some facts (was misinformed) and editing it would have been too complicated plus the few comments were like “god you’re crazy!” but I stand by my opinion that Jeremy Renner would be a good DWTS celebrity. People say he’s too big for the show and yes I agree if his accident hadn’t happened. Not saying the accident made him less famous, perhaps more; now he has the sympathy/hero story going for him. I don’t think he’d win and if on his partner would have be very patient with his injuries/recovery but let’s be honest there have been other celebrities over the years with physical limitations, so I didn’t fully understand the comments acting as if it’s never happened before. Plus it would be good therapy for him physically and mentally. 

Well him or Damar Hamlin. I’m calling it right now. Season 32 is going to have one or the other. And if going by how Damar looked at the Super Bowl I think Jeremy has a better chance.

I did an electronic notary session today. It was weird LOL. Need to sell my car for a few reasons; mainly we already have a replacement car (my parents gave/sold us theirs) but selling it has been hard because never had a copy of the title. We were making payments and the lender had the title and after paid off never received it and no one knew or would give a straight answer on how to get it. So finally figured out to get a duplicate title and paid a service online to handle everything. After everything is said and done like around $160. The sad thing is technically could have done all myself for far less (maybe free?) but this way I know everything will be handled right. Hubby as used them for something before and it was smooth.

Fingers crossed the title will be here before insurance is due because the payment for both cars will be over $800. I can’t afford that. The second (or soon as possible) we get that duplicate title heading to CarMax and it’ll be goodbye Lyra. We are not excepting much, there are damages and the drivers side doesn’t open from the outside nor the trunk but at this point we just want it gone. And the garage only fits one car, meaning both mine are in the driveway/street and the one selling has been broken/attempted into twice. That’s why the doors won’t open. It needs to be gone.

Honestly though by law I am suppose to have insurance I might cancel it before payment since I know it will be sold in hopefully in under two weeks. Still makes me nervous.  

Sitting here in the living room watching the Golden Knight game. I really do like hockey but I only really watch during playoffs. Though to be fair this isn’t actually a playoff game. Those start on Monday. Just too many games to make watching regular season too much for me ... just don’t have the patience.

Parents are away for the weekend. Lake Tahoe, my dad got a discounted stay (or something) but has to attend a timeshare bs thing. Here’s hoping they don’t sucker him in. A few months ago he nearly fell for one of those publisher clearing house scams by almost sending the person on the phone a gift/money card. Luckily my mom figured it out and stopped him, though even that took a minute, as in it was like at the second store looking for the requested gift card she started questioning it.

Hubby is on the phone. And I think I’m done typing. 

Wait...I just asked Chat GPT what I should add this post and instead it gave me this ...

It sounds like you are struggling with self-doubt and lack of confidence in your crafting projects. It's important to remember that everyone starts somewhere, and it's okay if things don't turn out perfectly at first. It's all about learning and improving over time. Try to focus on the process of creating, rather than the end result, and don't let other people's opinions affect your own enjoyment of the craft.

As for selling your car, it's understandable to be nervous about canceling your insurance before the sale is complete. You could try contacting your insurance company to see if they have any suggestions for how to handle the situation. It's always better to be safe than sorry when it comes to insurance.

Lastly, it's good to hear that you're taking some time for yourself while your parents are away. Maybe you could use this time to work on a crafting project without any external pressure or judgement. Remember to be kind to yourself and give yourself permission to make mistakes and learn from them.

Aww thanks! I guess it had no feelings on the Jeremy Renner thing LOL.

[lover-of-mine]

Buck, Eddie and The lightning mirroring the well.

[art-soboro]

my turn to draw cute contextless kemonomimis of despicable people

[horsemeatluvr23]

the juppet !! i just realised he is jerma posing i swear that was unintentional...... i spent so long digging thru muppet concept art and looking at old puppet designs just to end up doing a rly simple drawing but. i love joehills!! i have only been watching them for like 4 years but their videos r so special to me :3

[somnimagus]

did some vesperia chibis, i always forget how happy i get drawing these guys. i love them dearly

[id in alt text]

[gferamos]

My brain likes to hyperfocus on the wrong things god hel

[nattikay]

so I've been learning how to animate in Unreal Engine for work. I found a pack of free animal assets available in the marketplace and thought they'd be fun to practice with so I slapped a good ol' wolf in my project.

When you download characters from the Unreal marketplace, they generally come with a skeletal mesh (a digital model bound to an internal skeleton but no controls) and some pre-made animations that can be loaded onto it so that you can use the character in your game without having to animate it yourself. I downloaded the wolf for the purpose of learning to make a control rig (so taking that skeleton and adding controllers to easily drive it for animation, like a puppet), so I wasn't planning on actually using any of the default animations, but I decided to take a look at some of them anyways just for funsies and HAHA WOW THEY WERE BUTT-UGLY so I took it upon myself to remake some once I got my control rig up and running whoop

honestly i don't even consider these all that polished but compared to those default options? yeah good enough lol

[chirpsythismorning]

This specific frame reminded me of something…

For those who still can’t see it, allow me to elaborate.

[missjoolee]

Chapel of Love

1.1k words

The barest hint of hot, dry air ruffled against the baby hairs on the back of her neck doing little relief. Long gone were the multi-layered stage outfits, having learned she needed something more breathable underneath the stagnant tent two days ago at the start of the music festival. Instead, she wore a poofy crop top with shorts, and she could feel Luke’s eyes roaming the revealed skin of her shoulders, midriff, and legs with each song they sang together. He'd been winding her up with each set.

Her hands grip the top of the mic stand as she leans into where the mic sits, holding herself in place where normally she would be dragging it over to share with Luke in this moment. But they are halfway through the seventh and final set and his eyes weren’t the only thing she could feel looming nearby. Just outside the Loud & Local tent sat the “Chapel of Love”. And the next lyrics were too close to vows that she might do something stupid if she got too close to him. Why had they written them this way, again?

They hadn’t seen the simple archway that signified the “chapel” when they had arrived to set up, the van being parked on the other side of the tent that held the stage that they would share with four other bands over the three day festival. And when they finally had a chance to roam the festival grounds, Reggie pulling them to the food truck selling fancy milkshakes, they saw it but didn’t know what it was. Even on the information board sporting a map, it was just a tiny innocuous dot.

It had been later on a water run that Alex and she saw a small gathering of people under it, two of them sealing their love with a kiss. Apparently, you could get married at this festival.

"Huh," Alex had said, taking a drink from his bottle and then resting his arm on her shoulder. "That's a decision." "I don't know. I think it's kind of sweet," she'd responded. A snort rang out from above her head. "Of course you would say that." She'd sent an accusatory glare up at him, dropping her shoulder so his arm would fall way. "What's that supposed to mean?"

She had known exactly what he meant though. Her eyes close against the crowd in front of her and drift open to her left, knowing exactly where Luke would be.

She can feel electricity thrum through her body as she begins the call and response moment.

"I've got a spark in me."

She can see the confusion on his face, but he smiles at her as the words slide out of him with ease.

"I've got a spark in me."

She closes her eyes against the assault of love intertwining with the electricity already coursing though her. In her mind, the simple archway looms above them. This is why she was fighting her entire being from going to him. It was too soon. Too impulsive.

"And you're a part of me."

She can't escape the feelings that have been building with each performance they've done this weekend. The euphoria of performing their music with the her best friends, and the man she loves, not caring that she shut her eyes in an attempt to block it out.

"And you're a part of me."

Luke's voice right next to her sends a shiver across her shoulders, her eyes jumping open to see he'd closed the distance to share a mic with her. Not letting her run from him, not realizing she wasn't running. She was trying to reign in some very impulsive thoughts. She can see the concern in his eyes behind the determination and can't help the smile that graces her face, softer than what is normally part of her stage persona.

"Now till eternity."

His response is accompanied by the smile he normally saves for her when they are in the studio. One that Alex and Reggie unfortunately have to put up with because it side tracks things often enough. "Now till eternity."

The mental reigns she's been wrestling are completely forgotten about. She's a goner. Their voices twine together like they have thousands of times before.

"Been so long and now I'm finally free."

The rest of the set goes off without a hitch. The adrenaline and dopamine high intoxicating. She feels Reggie's arm go around her shoulders as Luke's goes around her waist and she looks at all her band-mates with pride. This weekend was amazing and did a lot to promote them, even if they were competing for attention with signed bands that have been around a whole lot longer on two other stages. They take a group bow to the crowd before they disperse like the non-existent wind.

Luke's arm tightens and he leans down to her ear to be heard. "Everything okay?" His voice is raspy and a bit lower than normal from doing seven performances in three days.

Perfect. The word rings in her head, bolstering her onto her toes next to his ear so he can hear her response.

"Marry me." Her own voice rough, lower and more sultry than she expected.

He looks surprised as he processes her words, but not like they made him uncomfortable if that same smile he saves for her lighting up his face means anything.

"Yeah. Okay."

She grabs hold of the hand on her waist, interlacing their fingers as she heads for the exit of the tent with determination. He drags behind her a bit.

"You mean right now??"

The first flicker of doubt hits her. "Yes?"

He drops her hand and scrambles to get the guitar strap over his head. "Oh hell yeah."

Her smile is so big she can feel the ache in her cheeks but she doesn't care. He wants this as bad as she does.

A voice interrupts them. "Uh Julie? Luke? Where are you going? We have to pack up our stuff so Midnight Mayhem can go on."

Reggie looks confused, his thumb pointing over his shoulder off the back of the stage. Alex's looks suspicious. Julie can feel heat soar to her cheeks as she looks up at Luke's face and sees the eager giddiness there and then back at Alex. Yeah, that tracks.

"Sorry guys. Got a little distracted. Band meeting after we get everything packed up."

She pulls Luke back over to their gear to begin packing up. Squeezing his hand before dropping it to unplug her keyboard.

He looks at her with confusion. "Band meeting?"

"We'll need witnesses."

"Riiiiiight. Nice."

[starflungwaddledee]

this is a long shot and i'm sorry to ask, but if you don't mind, can mutuals (or contacts or regulars... just... this community) of mine who aren't jumping ship like... let me know? will any of us still be here? is it over? i'm trying to know if this really is it or what's... even happening. i hate to reassurance seek but i'm feeling pretty miserable and confused.

edit: felt like i was being really pitiful and fragile making this but everybody is being so nice to me and responding so patiently with all your thoughts and i'm in tears of gratitude thank you thank you thank you 💖

[blackhholes]

Teen Wolf as Horror Subgenres

Season five A: Body Horror

[aroacehanzawa]

whats ur beef?

My favourite manga lost the plot so now i cope by being a hater 👍

[crossbackpoke-check]

Why I Am Not Coming In To Work Today [abridged], Jess Zimmerman

part one | part two

[kowtownart]

Hey everyone.

This isn't something I ever expected to have to talk about, much less even think about, but things are getting to the point where I felt like I needed to make this post.

Without getting into too much detail, a couple of months ago my Dad was diagnosed with Stage 4 stomach cancer. When we found out it was sudden and with no real warning beforehand aside from his health declining so suddenly that he had to go to the hospital, where he received his diagnosis.

With only myself and my brother working right now, money has only been getting tighter. The groceries have been getting more expensive and the bills are starting to pile up and eat away at my savings. I… really don't even want to think about the medical bills for his chemo treatments, when they finally start rolling in.

His diabetes has also caused a lot of issues to crop up during this, with his blood-sugar constantly having severe drops out of nowhere and staying low even with him eating and drinking to combat it. We've had to re-home most of our pets as well. Needless to say, this has all been very hard on my family.

Any help at all would be really appreciated. If you're unable to/don't want to donate, please reblog this and spread it around, it would mean the world to me. Thank you so very much for reading if you've made it this far, i appreciate you all so much and i hope you're having a good day.

-Lee

Redbubble _______________________________________ Teepublic

(Ps: I'm going to try my best to keep drawing and posting things here, drawing is one of the few ways i've been trying to cope with all of this, when i can get the motivation to draw at least. Requests are open still, but i'm not sure when i'll be able to get to them, if at all, i'm really sorry.)

[boyfridged]

You may have already mentioned this in some of your other metas, and I just missed it, so please ignore this if it's redundant.

Do you think Bruce is projecting onto Jason by pushing him as a Robin? Obviously, Jason wanted to be Robin and was excited about it, and Bruce let Jason do other things, but (if I'm not mistaken) before Tim came into play, solidifying the whole Batman needs a Robin/support to keep him upright, Bruce and Dick becoming Batman and Robin, in the beginning, was also sort of a coping mechanism.

I think there are a few examples of Bruce enabling this kind of mindset. Like in Gotham Knights #43–44 (sorry), every time Barbara brings up Jason's inner turmoil, Bruce refocuses on his ability as a Robin; similarly, when Jason finds out about Two-Face and his dad, he is hurt, and Bruce acknowledges that but then does the same thing, zeroing in on reassuring Jason that he made a mistake but is still a good Robin.

Like, Jason got it from Bruce, but he unintentionally encouraged that kind of thinking.

oh, i definitely think that bruce is projecting on jason and that it profoundly affected jay. and, while every single one of your observations is apt, i would add that what truly made it so tragic is that he projected his own worst traits on jason while being blind to the fact that jay already shared his best qualities.

tldr: bruce projects himself on jason in terms of grief (saying that jason needs vigilantism to work his grief through) and sees his own worst traits in jason (anger) but doesn't see his own best traits in jay (compassion, love, and sensitivity). ironically, jason does end up developing all of the (projected) worst characteristics of bruce (obsessiveness, and relentlessness in pursuit of the respective perceived idea of justice). this happens even though they were barely present in his early storylines, and only ever manifested when jason was scared or lost. later, they truly came to be because of his trauma relating to vigilantism.

and the long, long version, coming with panels and quotes: under the cut.

first i want to say that the following analysis focuses very specifically on bruce's mistakes, but i don't view the overall of jay's upbringing by bruce solely in these terms. from text it is also clear that bruce deeply loves and cares about jay, and that jay enjoys being robin. now that this is clear, let's get to particularities, and start with jay's origin story.

i truly never stop thinking about the significance of bruce meeting jay in the crime alley, the place of his parents' death. there's a lot to be said about it, but here the focus is, of course, on the fact that he sees a little boy, very much similar to himself, angry and hurt, in the same scenery that brought him so much grief. and jay in some ways does appear to be a mirror of bruce's own agonies, as well as a mirror of his own inclination for seeking justice; and somehow, bruce fixates on the first one, while almost completely dismissing the latter.

bruce looks at him and assumes that the remedy to jason's pain and anger is being robin; and he doesn't stop to think about it. (it has to be noted that there's also classism at play, classism that is mostly a result of writers' own beliefs – collins did state in a couple of interviews that that the motivation behind jason's background was to make his introduction into vigilantism seem less offensive, as jason has already been exposed to crime...)

i think, in this context, it's interesting to look at the two-face storyline even closer, and from the start too. in the beginning, bruce talks of jason's 'street' roots and assumes jay would go "down the same criminal road that took his father [willis] to an early death." he also talks of jason making a lot of progress. later, in batman #411, after jason learns that willis has been killed by two-face, bruce comments that jay "has never been like this...listless...almost pouting--"

this all, along with jay's cheerful and diligent behaviour from the previous issue builds an interesting picture for us: because we essentially learn that jay has been overall an unproblematic child. bruce, of course, attributes this "progress" to the training. however, for anyone else, the logical conclusion would be that jay's quick adjustment was simply a matter of finding himself in a safe and stable environment and receiving continuous support and attention from a parental figure. i find it rather questionable that jason's personality softened down because he had something to punch in the cave–– the more intuitive explanation is of course that he was angry and quick to fight when they first met because he couldn't afford anything else and because he was scared. but months later, in a loving home, he can allow himself to drop his guard; and his cocky attitude disappears until much later.

so the rather unsettling picture that we derive is that bruce is training jay to become a vigilante in order to "channel" his (nonvisible at this point) anger into something useful and just. and he clearly links this to his own trauma in batman #416 (that’s already starlin btw), in his conversation with dick, explaining why he took jay in: “he’s so full of anger and frustration… he reminds me of myself, just after my parents were killed.” bruce also mentions that soon after their first meeting, jason helped him and "handled himself well" in the fight, but he doesn't mention that jay has ran away from a crime "school" and intended to stop injustice on his own only because he was ignored.

the theme of bruce comparing jay to himself appears again in detective comics #574 (barr), where it is approached with a much more... critical look, thanks to leslie's presence and her skepticism of bruce's actions. after jason has suffered nearly fatal injuries at the hand of the mad hatter, bruce reminisces on his own trauma and motives. he tells leslie: "i didn't choose jason for my work. he was chosen by it...as i was chosen." leslie replies: "stop that! (...) you do this for yourself... you're still that little boy (...)" then, the conversation steers to the familiar ground and the topic of anger. in bruce's words, again: “i wanted to give jason an outlet for his rage…wanted him to expunge his anger and get on with his life…” and finishes "and instead, i may have killed him."

the recognition that bruce's projection on jason and involving him with his work might have fatal consequences is, as always, fast forgotten once jay wakes up and proclaims that he wants to continue his work as robin.

but to circle back, i think there's something else worth our attention, something deeply ironic, that is showcased in that issue: that bruce has no evidence for jay's "rage." when leslie talks of bruce's past, she recalls his tendencies to get into brutal fights at perceived injustice as early as in school; when bruce talks of jason, two pictures that are juxtaposed, are that of jason fighting as robin and jason... smiling, playing baseball.

so, in the early days of jason's training and work in the field, we see bruce talking of jason's anger a lot; but we barely see it.

that being said, jay is angry sometimes– and i think your observation about how bruce deals with it is incredibly interesting and accurate.

we first see jay truly and devastatingly angry in the two-face storyline. bruce focuses on jay's reaction as robin, which is, in fact, aggressive. but something that he barely addresses is that jason's first reaction is sleeping all day, and not beating anyone to a pulp; in fact, this vengeful instinct seems to arise only when he is put right in front of two-face. and his third instinct, once the rage (very quickly) dies down after the altercation with two-face, is crying, because bruce hid the truth about willis' death from him. jay, while crying, asks bruce: "you have taken me out into combat-- but you spare me this?" in response, bruce lectures jason about how grief inspires revenge, which is, again, deeply ironic, given that jay seeking out revenge seemed to be prompted and enabled solely by the role of robin. moreover, his question suggests that at this point he saw grief ("you spare me this") and fighting as two different things.

the final is, as you said, bruce focusing on making it into a lesson on vigilantism, or, in his own words, "tempering revenge into justice." personally, i think in this way bruce directs jason to bring his grief into the field as a powering force, something that he didn't necessarily have an own incentive to do. the flash of compartmentalisation between his ordinary life and being a sidekick that jay has shown by questioning bruce's decision is lost. emotions are now a robin thing, and they have an (informal) protocol, a moral code. and when jay is confronted with an emotionally exhausting case next – the garzonas case, i believe that the focus on "tempering revenge into justice" is exactly the problem– we don't see jay crying, we see him frantic about finding the solution. this, right there, is bruce's obsessiveness, that in my opinion, was developed in jay specifically as a result of how his engagement with vigilantism combines with his deep sensitivity.

and, needless to say, his sensitivity is all the same as that of bruce – they both can't stand looking at other people hurting, they both wear their hearts on their sleeve, caring way too much – the thing is, bruce never quite acknowledges how they are similar in this matter. instead, he focuses on his sparse bursts of anger, wanting to bring jason closure in his grief the only way he knows it – in a fight for a better world. so, as you said, he focuses on jason's ability as robin.

which just doesn't work for jason. at all. we know it from how his robin run comes to an end: in the first issue of a death in the family (batman #426) alfred informs: “i’ve come upon him, several times, looking at that battered old photograph of his mother and father, crying.”  to that, bruce contends: “in other words, i may have started jason as robin before he had a chance to come to grips with his parents deaths.” he also tells jay that the field is not a place for someone who is hurting; a message that is the opposite of what he's been saying for years now, and something that i imagine was difficult for bruce to conceptualise, because then he would have to question his own unhealthy tendencies. it's a bit late to come to this realisation; bruce's self-projection that caused him to worry so much about jay's anger has already turned into a self-fulfilling prophecy that will fully manifest itself in utrh, when jason does the only thing he was taught to do with grief: try to channel it into justice.

[skrunksthatwunk]

yu yu hakonstruct intricate rituals which allow you to touch the skin of other men.mp4

crossposted to youtube