#sorry I’ve been re listening to school of rock and it reminded me of watching it live on broadway and how that performance fundamentally

[fukoronoko]

Ryuji Sakamoto is a Musical Theater kid and I know this because I am too

Like not the „I sing in the hallways and am part of the Drama Club“ kind of theater kid

But you just know he listens to Heathers constantly

And this boy CRIED while watching School of Rock live

I JUST KNOW

(He introduced Yusuke to wicked and he is addicted to it now)

Morgana makes fun of him the second he finds out

Haru is also a theater kid. I can feel it in my blood.

THEATER KID RECOGNIZES THEATER KID

[sixofpomegranates]

Rain in California - Act 1 - California

🥀Mini Series “Rain in California” Act 1 - Part 1 - California🥀

✨My Main Masterlist✨ | 18+ | AO3 | Wattpad

🥀Soundtrack🥀 | ✨Aestethic Trailer✨ |  🥀Masterlist🥀 | Words: 9.4k

A/N: The music used in this story is not owned by me (obviously) & I used it in the same style that 'Rock of ages' and 'Mamma Mia' used songs. I gave them a different meaning and context. The meaning and context are NOT representing the one that the ORIGINAL ARTIST had.

TW: ANGST, mention of loss/death/addiction/sobriety/murder, suicidal thoughts/tendencies, depression, addiction, substance abuse, drugs, alcohol, ABUSIVE RELATIONSHIP, stalking, death by overdose, mentions of OD, passive aggressiveness, arguing,

Songs in this Chapter: La di die – Nessa Berrett Going to Hell | My Medicine | Heaven Knows – The Pretty Reckless

“Spence?”

 Spencer looked up from his book.

Oh, so now he was allowed to talk with them about the case.

Since the briefing they hadn’t talked to him about anything. Spencer had to beg them, to let him work on this case.

He had really felt left out and why?

Because the stalking victim was a famous Rockstar with addiction issues. Spencer was hurt about his team not wanting him to be on the case because of this. Yes, he had struggled with addiction in the past, but he had been clean for over ten years now.

Was this unfair treatment…this distrust in his sobriety, ever going to stop?

It wasn’t like they had cared much about it when Emily had faked her death or when Maeve died, but this, for them, looked like a too high risk? Because there was a pretty girl involved?

He tried his best not to sound passive aggressive when responding.

 “Yeah, JJ?”, with success.

“I asked if everything´s okay.”

“Sure. Why should anything be wrong?”, the blonde shrugged a little, an apologetic look on her face.

“Well the case-“ “It´s just a stalking case. Nothing we haven’t already seen. I actually wonder why we even need to come. The stalker isn’t aggressive and hasn´t hurt anybody. Right now he´s just importunate. The police should be able to catch this unsub themselves.”, he had accidently let a little of his passive aggressiveness slip and Emily, who was sitting next to JJ, looked at him.

“The record label convinced the police to contact us. They seem worried about their artist.”

“From what I know…this girl can take care of herself.”, Luke snickered, earning himself a ‘Come on, really?’-look from Emily. “Sorry, but have you seen or listened to her music? She could probably beat Reid in a fist fight.”

“Just because she´s making rock music, doesn’t mean she´s tough. But we should talk a little about the case, Reid if you ever feel unco-“, he quickly interrupted her with a snappy tone.

“Why, because she´s an addict? I don’t care about that.”, Emily lifted her hands in a calming manner.

“Okay, jeez. Just the way you´re on edge, since the briefing, doesn’t look like you are okay.”, Spencer took a deep breath, trying to talk calmer this time, now almost pleading in tone.

“I-I know. But I´m clean since was twenty-six. I never touched anything again and I don’t feel the need to. I even regulate my alcohol intake, never drinking more than a beer, maybe two glasses of whiskey. Which means, that statistically all of you are at a higher risk, of becoming addicted, during this case, then I am. You guys need to trust me.”, the dark haired woman sighed and nodded.

“You´re right. I´m- We´re just worried. You´re our friend, Spencer.”, she handed him a file. “Just promise me you talk to one of us, if something changes.”

 He nodded opening the file. A picture of [y/n] looked at him. Dark heavy make-up, dark clothing and jet black hair with colorful streaks.

His younger self would´ve been as attracted as terrified of her.

He flipped through the pages. [y/n] [y/l/n]. Twenty-six years old. Stalker since approximately two years. Nothing extremely outstanding for a stalking case…which was kinda outstanding. No letters, no calls, no pictures, no break in, no threats…sometimes she would get random, expensive present delivered to her mansion, but that was it. Given that she was famous, this presents did not even have to be from a stalker.

 “Are we sure there´s even is a stalker?”, Spencer frowned at his own question, Emily shrugged as a response.

“According to the manager, Philip Schuyler, since the first time she played his concerns down, he gets these calls of a man asking for [y/n] and how she is doing. The label didn’t take it serious after he told them, but then the unsub stole the last finished album from [y/n]´s band ‘Shot Monarch’, before it could get released and distributed, also erasing every digitally existing copy. He then called the manager and send the owner of the record label a letter; typed on a computer, no fingerprints; stating that he wanted to be taken serious. Later [y/n] got the USB, containing all her songs, with a dozen white lilies, her favorite, back per mail with an apology letter; stating that she had done nothing wrong and didn’t need to worry, since he could never harm her or her carrier. That´s when the label pushed the police to contact us.”

“Because they are worried about the music…not the woman.”, JJ sighed, shaking her head.

“Well, that´s the industry. At least her manager is worried. Police states that he got himself a gun license after that and tries to be everywhere [y/n] is.”, Luke added.

“Something about that is off.”, Spencer whispered, rubbing his stubbles, before looking at JJ, Emily and Luke again. “There is nothing that indicates a stalker, but every time somebody doubts his existence, he does something noticeable. I know she is famous and that comes with the stigma of having crazed fans as stalkers, but most stalking in general is committed by someone known to the victim, such as an ex-partner or acquaintance. We should check that out.”, JJ nodded.

“It would also be smart if one of us stays by her site.”, Luke quickly raised his hand.

“I volunteer. I- Like- Really! If necessary I´ll sleep in the SUV.”, Emily raised an eyebrow.

“Can it be that you´re a fan? I heard you and Penelope freak out a little over the case earlier.”, a shy smirk appeared on his lips.

“‘Shot Monarch’ has really good music. Since my road trip a year ago, I love their stuff. Penelope actually tol-”, Spencer interrupted him determined.

“I´ll do it.”, Emily quickly shook her head.

“Reid, no.” “Why not?”, his voice got high, making him quickly cleared his throat. “Because-“ “Because she is taking drugs. Do you trust me that little, Emily?”, Spencer snapped at her and she leaned back into her seat. Sure the others from the team were older than him, but he was in his late thirties, and yet was treated like a child.

 “Fine. If you think you can handle it, do it. But stop being so sassy, I hate that.”, Emily looked at look in defeat. “Luke tell him what you know about [y/n] and the band.”, he nodded pulling out his phone.

“Okay so, [y/n] is the lead singer of ‘Shot Monarch’. She´s from a small town in Ohio and came to LA when she was eighteen, to become a singer after going viral. They are a band since five years, the name never really got explained by them, but it has something to do with the butterfly; at least that’s a fan theory I now from Penelope. Plus it makes sense, because [y/n] has a tattoo of one on the back of her hand.”, Luke flipped through some pictures of older man, reminding Spencer of bikers and insurance agents at the same time. Like middle-aged fathers that liked rock but still had a nine-to-five job.

“Hank, the guitarist, was a lawyer before and in a cover band with his high school friends Tom, the bassist, who worked for an insurance company, and Leroy, the drummer, who was history teacher and is also married to Hank. They met [y/n] at an open mic night and even though she´s twenty-six and they are in their late forties, early fifties, they got along so well, that they became a band. That´s ‘Going to Hell’ by the way. One of the more controversial songs.”, Luke pressed play on the video and already moved the lips to the lyrics.

  “Father did you miss me,

Been locked up a while.

I got caught for what I did but took it all in style.

Laid to rest all my confessions I gave way back when.

Now I'm versed in so much worse,

So I am back again, and he said

For the lives that I take, I'm going to hell!

For the love that I make, I'm going to hell!

Gettin' heavy with the devil, you can hear the wedding bells.”

  “The guitar you´re hearing is a classic Hank. That guy knows what he´s doing.”, Luke added, seemingly in his element, reminding Spencer a lot of Garcia when she was excited.

 Spencer nodded and watched the music video, the overall theme was dark and heavy. [y/n] voice was nice, a little smoky and strong, but everything just sounded so angry. Not really his style, although he preferred older, classical music in general over the ‘normal’ things ‘normal’ people liked. [y/n] wore tightfitting latex, while the men from her band mostly just wore black jeans and shirts, sometimes leather jackets. At one time, she was surrounded by snakes, only wearing white lingerie. She was really pretty, red lipstick making her look like a biting version of Snow White. Like a princess that would rather save herself, becoming the villain along the way, before letting someone else save her.

  “Father did you miss me,

Don't ask me where I've been.

You know I know, yes, I've been told I redefine a sin.

I don't know what's driving me to put this in my head.

Maybe I wish I could die, maybe I am dead!

And he said

For the lives that I fake, I'm going to hell!

For the vows that I break, I'm going to hell!

For the ways that I hurt, when I'm hiking up my skirt.

I am sitting on a throne while they're buried in the dirt.

For the man that I hate, I'm going to hell!

Gettin' heavy with the devil, you can hear the wedding bells.”

  The lyrics and symbolistic in the video mocked parts of the Christian belief system. Such as the bite Eve had taken from the apple, showing [y/n] taking a bite from the forbitten fruit. The last supper and the crucifixion were shown with a dark twist too. This could be a hint of rebellion, to cope with religious trauma, or simply be a way to cause controversy.

“Please forgive me father,

I didn't mean to bother you.

The devil's in me father.

He's inside of everything I do.

For the lives that I take, I'm going to hell!

For the laws that I break, I'm going to hell!

For the love that I hate, I'm going to hell!

For the lies that I make, I'm going to hell!

For the way I condescend and never lend a hand.

My arrogance is making this head buried in the sand.

For the souls I forsake, I'm going to hell!

Gettin' married to the devil, you can hear the wedding bells.”

As the video ended Luke took his phone and put it back into his pocket.

“Their earlier stuff had a little more emotion to it, was about heartbreak, suffering and made you feel. This is one of the more recent ones and you can hear that it´s now mostly just stuff like sex, drugs and anger. Most people think that´s because [y/n] writes all of their music and she´s…seen better days…”, Luke sighed, trying to make it sound as polite as possible.

“Because she started taking drugs?”, Spencer raised his eyebrows, but Luke shook his head. “Oh, no. She, according to many rumors and an interview with her father, has taken drugs since she was a teen. But at this point…she just simply seems to have given up, having chosen to not go deeper with her songs anymore. I mean, they still slap. They just don’t slap your heart anymore, you know?”

“Not so nice, when your father talks to the press about your addiction. Could her father be a suspect?”, JJ asked, making Luke shrug and shake his head at the same time.

“Most likely not. He said in that interview that he wishes her the best, but doesn’t want to speak to her again.”, Emily mouthed a silent ‘ouch’, the whole talk about the rockstars private life making Spencer think.

“Maybe that´s part why she´s taking drugs? Often people use them to cope with-“, Emily interrupted him, profiling [y/n] and her substance abuse, quickly.

“Reid. We´re not going there to fix her, just the stalking situation.”, he nodded, knowing that he had a savior complex, always trying to help and save everybody.

“Exes?”, Spencer asked and Luke shook his head.

“Just one is known, Dean Lennox, singer, now married with kids. He and [y/n] were together for two years and according to him it was toxic. Like, always fighting, jealousy, distrust, fear of being left but she still didn’t want him close at the same time, lying. After their last breakup, he told a gossip magazine, he just couldn’t watch her destroy herself anymore. She never commented on it.”, JJ looked at Spencer worried.

“She seems like a handful, are you sure you can handle her alone?”, he chuckled while nodding.

“I´ve been through worse. How hard can it be to watch a twenty-six year old? When she, like Luke said, really doesn’t want anyone close, I´ll just sit on her couch and let her do her thing.”

*****

After landing in Los Angeles and checking into their hotel, the team drove to police station. There already waited a massage for them with an address. It was from the manager, he wrote that he was terribly sorry, but they needed to come to the recording studio, since the band was on a tight schedule all morning. Luke had tried his best, but Spencer could see his excitement through his tough-guy-façade. He, JJ, Luke and Emily took one of the SUV´s and drove to the address.

 The building they entered was large and with great security. Expensive, white marble flooring in the entire entrance hall. They showed their batches to the lady at the front desk and the security, she called somebody and soon a short, pudgy man, dressed in a designer suit walked out of the elevator and up to them. He smiled at them friendly and shook everyone’s hand.

 “Ah, the agents. I am so glad that you´re here. Hi. Hello. I´m Philip Schuyler, the manager of ‘Shot Monarch’.”, Emily shook his hand and pointed at the team.

“Nice to meet you. I´m unit chief SSA Prentiss, those are SSA Jareau, Alvez and that´s Dr. Spencer Reid. He will take on the job as bodyguard for Miss [y/l/n].”, the man scratched his brown hair, avoiding the bald spot on top.

“Yes, uhm, please just call her [y/n]. She really dislikes being called Miss [y/l/n]. We also already have police and security around her house, so I don’t know how important a personal bodyguard is. I really want this case solved and it would be terrible if we would hinder your work.”, Spencer lifted a finger.

“Actually, it would be better if I´m able to stay close to [y/n]. Normal police and security could probably oversee minor details about the stalker, Mr. Schuyler.”, the man waved off.

“Please, Mr. Schuyler was my father. Philip is completely fine. Everybody calls me that.”, he started walking to the elevator and the agents followed him. “Right now the band´s having a little break. After that, we need to record one more song for the ‘live in the studio’-version of their new album, that just came out. Are you familiar with their music?”, they got into the elevator and Luke already nodded.

“Yeah. Really great. Big fan.”, Emily lifted her hand, silencing Luke.

“I´m sorry. If that´s a problem we can-“, Philip laughed, interrupting her.

“Oh, no, no. [y/n] will love that. She likes meeting fans and showing off her music.”

 They got out of the elevator, walked through the little hallway and entered the large double door in front of them. There was the recording studio. A lot of technical things, Spencer didn’t know much of, and a large glass wall in front of it, showing another room.

 The recording room was large, with a black leather couch and beanbags in it and nice, warm, wooden flooring. A drum set was placed on an vintage looking, red carpet and the overall lighting was warm and inviting as well. The door to the room was open and he could hear the three men, from the band, talking and laughing inside.

 “Guys, can you come out for a bit?”, Philip asked them and they looked up, walking up to them. “Okay, uhm, guys, those are the agents from the FBI. You know? The once coming because of [y/n]´s stalker.”, the largest man, a head taller than Spencer, smiled through his long grey beard that contrasted his bald head.

“Nice to meet you then, I´m Hank. That my husband Leroy,”, they shook hands with the dark skinned, skinny man, who in contrast to his husband was cleanshaven, with short black hair and glasses, “and that´s our friend Tom.”, the chubby, white, blond waved at them friendly.

“Why would like to talk with each of you individually, later at the police station, if that is possible.”, Emily said before introducing her team again, also mentioning Spencer´s duty as bodyguard. Leroy grimaced his face.

“Uh, [y/n] will hate that. The girl does not like being babysat.” “I´m not going to babysit her.”, Spencer answered, making Leroy chuckle. “That´s not how she will see it though.”, Hank sighed and put a hand on Spencer´s shoulder.

“Our girl is going through a lot right now. So it would be nice of you, to not take everything she´s saying personally, okay?”

“Personally?”

 Spencer raised his eyebrows. He desperately hoped [y/n] wouldn’t be a bitch the entire time, since he couldn’t promise to not give her a piece of his mind, if so.

“[y/n]´s a little belligerent…Easy to get triggered and then she blows up like a bomb.”, Tom said and JJ cocked her head. “Is the stalking getting at her?”, Leroy shook his head. “Not really. But her mother died a few months ago and since then…little rough patch. She´ll get better. We all hit rock bottom once.”

“Is she going to therapy?”, Emily asked straight forward, making Tom, the chubby one chuckle. “Not since she hit the last therapist a few years ago. We paid his medical expenses and he was nice enough to not sue her. But we are here to help her, once she´s ready to let us.” “Must be exhausting, for you.”, JJ said empathetic and all the men waved off.

“Because of the drugs? No, it´s not that bad. She´ll collect herself. I have seven kids. Four of them are going through puberty right now. Phil has a toddler and Leroy and Hank have three rescue dogs and a couple of snakes. We can handle her.”, Tom laughed and the rest of the men started too.

“And that little stalker…Imma just say, I´m gonna rip him a new one, should I ever get the chance of meeting him. Counts for all of us.”, Hank added with everyone nodding in agreement.

“[y/n]´s a really nice girl and she´s been through a lot. If you´re nice to her, chances are high she´ll warm up to you and you won´t have any problems.”, Tom said to Spencer making him nod.

“And if she doesn’t?”, the tall doctor didn’t get an answer and just witnessed the rockers share a look.

 Nice girl. Drug issues not so bad. Be nice and maybe she´s nice to you. For Spencer all of that sounded like he would have to walk around on eggshells, while she would blast through walls like a wrecking ball. The manager, Philip, checked his watch and looked around.

 “So, where´s [y/n]? One more song and we´re done. Would be great not to hold up the investigation for too long.”

“She went to the toilet thirty minutes ago. We just ate our sandwiches. She said she wasn’t hungry.”, Leroy answered and at the same moment [y/n] walked in.

 Spencer looked at her and for a moment forgot how to breathe. Short, high waisted, leather skirt, low cut, tank top and biker boots, all black, rounded off with fishnet stockings.  [y/n] looked like she had climbed out of a teenagers wet dream. The perfect, little goth-girlfriend. She stretched a little and Philip looked at her.

 “Bonjour, Philly.”, she said with a sassy undertone, while walking up to him and leaning on his shoulder. He was the same high as her, which wasn’t really tall, about 5,4, if Spencer had to guess.

“Hey, where were you?”, the pudgy man asked her.

“Took a nap in my car.”, she booped his nose and gave him a sheepish little smile. Spencer knew she was high. In fact the whole room knew it.

“You drove here?”, Tom asked shocked and [y/n] grinned sarcastically.

“I guess so, else somebody explain to me why my car´s here.”, Phillip patted her shoulder, looking worried as she took four pills out of an orange pillbox from her bag. He gave her a glass of water and she swallowed them. The men from her band looked at her concerned, making her give them a pearly white smile.

“Headache.”, she explained and they only nodded. Spencer couldn’t help but think, that she wasn’t having a headache and even if she had, it was probably a withdrawal symptom.

“You know that I don’t want you to drive when you´re…”, her manager looked at the agents and stopped talking, making her look at them as well.

“What? Why´d you stop talking? That the fun police?”, she started giggling at her own joke, making the band chuckle, since she clearly didn’t know how accurate she was with her joke.

“That´s the FBI, Princess.”, Hank told her and she made a fake shocked face and then laughed again.

“Officer- No wait, agents, right? I swear I did nothing wrong. Weed´s legal in Cali.”

 The team shared some looks and Spencer couldn’t help but roll his eyes. [y/n] was not just on weed. Most definitely not just on weed.

 “They are here because of your stalker.”, Philip explained and she shrugged almost disappointed.

“Oh, that guy. Well, then hello. Nice to meet you. I´m [y/n].”

 She shook hands with JJ and Emily as they introduced themselves. Luke couldn’t help but breathe in sharply, as he shook her hand and almost choked on his own spit as an aftereffect. She started patting his back with wide opened eyes.

 “Shit, you okay? Asthma?”, [y/n] reached into her black, designer handbag and gave him a bottle with clear liquid. Luke took a sip, quickly grimaced his face and began coughing harder.

“Vodka.”, he stated through his coughing. [y/n] quickly took the bottle from him and took a sip too, without flinching. She then started cracking up at her mistake.

“Whoops. Mixed up the bottles, the other´s probably in my car. Philly, can you bring him…?”, Philip nodded and gave Luke a fresh water bottle from the mini fridge.

 Wow. Vodka hidden in a water bottle. Spencer licked his lips, taking in the view of her bandmates looking at each other. ‘Not that bad’ looked different. ‘Not that bad’ would not have her sleeping in her car, midday, with a bottle of ‘water’ and coming back high as a kite. Luke, by now, had stopped coughing and [y/n] stepped away from him again.

 “You good?”, she asked him, watching him wipe away his tears.

“Y-Yeah. Sorry.”, the black haired girl waved him off.

“Nah, don’t worry. I had asthma till I was twelve.”, he shook his head.

“I- I- No asthma. Just a really big fan.”, she started laughing again and although the light was dimmed, Reid could clearly see Luke´s cheeks turning red.

“Oh, that´s cute. But ‘Take My Breath Away’ is by Berlin.”, that sentence actually made the whole room laugh except for Spencer, who didn’t understand the reference. “What´s your name?”

“Luke Alvez.”, she shook his hand again, this time he didn’t almost choke.

“Well, nice to meet you, Luke. What´s your favorite song of ours?”

“25, no doubt. Really amazing. Like a James Bond song.”, the bandmates chuckled.

“We said that too.”, Leroy snickered, patting Luke´s shoulder and [y/n] nodded.

“It´s also my favorite. Excited to hear one of the new songs?”, Luke nodded excited and she turned her head to Spencer. “We both don’t know each other yet. Hi, I´m [y/n] and you are?”

 She sounded quite collected. Clearly high, but able to think straight if necessary. [y/n] must´ve been doing this for a while now, seeming to have figured out, how much she could handle while working. Spencer had been at that point too once. You wanted to do your work and be good at it, but needed to be high, to make it through the day. So you just tried over a period of time, bit by bit, how much you were able to take before doing a shitty job. ‘Not that bad’ didn’t make you figuring out a system to be high all the time.

 “Dr. Spencer Reid.”, he shook her hand.

“Dr. Reid will be your bodyguard, [y/n].”, Philip explained and quickly earned an angry look, as she let go of Spencer´s hand instantly.

“What? I don’t need a bodyguard, we talked about this.”, she hissed at her manager, but then started laughing after looking Spencer up and down. “And then that guy?”, Philip nodded as she rolled her eyes at him. ‘Do not take it personally’, Spencer told himself.

“I am more than capable of protecting you.”, he stated as friendly as possible, making her giggle.

“From what? A difficult math question?”

 [y/n] mocking tone started to piss him off, but as Spencer felt Emily´s look on him, he played it cool. After all, he had to proof himself able to handle her.

 “Your stalker.”, he corrected her and she licked her lips, pulling out a pack of cigarettes, looking at Luke.

“Since you don’t have asthma, would you mind if I…?”, Luke shook his head and she smiled. “Nice.”, she looked back at Spencer, at his gun. “Philip has a gun too.” “But Philip isn’t an FBI agent.”, Hank told her, making her shake her head in protest, like a little child.

“That´s ridiculous. And all of that just because a stranger sends me stuff, people send me stuff all the time.”

“You should be more worried about this guy.”, Leroy said and Tom nodded in agreement. “Yeah, what if he´s dangerous?”

“What´s the worst that could happen, like honestly, Doctor?”, she cocked her head at Spencer, looking up at him with an almost flirty smile.

“He could kill you.”, he gave back objectively, making the rockers obviously worried. “Geez. You make that sound like it´s a bad thing.”, she snickered and looked over to Luke. “Luke, wanna hear some music?”, he nodded.

“It would be an honor.”, his sentence made her giggle as she walked past him.

“You´re really cute.”

 [y/n] walked into the recording room, Tom, Leroy and Hank following her. She put on her headphones and lit a cigarette, putting the package on the little table next to her mic. Philip closed the door and started pushing some buttons on the sound mixer in front of him. JJ whistled impressed.

 “You do the technical stuff too?”, he nodded, chuckling.

“Since the stalking started, I try having as little people near [y/n] as possible. Thought it might just be a little crush from a weirdo and when he doesn’t get to see her, he gets over it.” “We need a list of the people that worked here though.”, Emily told him and he nodded.

“Of course.”, then he pushed a button and started talking into his microphone. “You guys, ready? Last song. ‘My Medicine’, then we can go home.”

 They all approved of his words and started to playing. [y/n] relighting her cigarette and clearing her throat. Spencer couldn’t tell if that was her simply not caring or doing it for the feeling of the song. However, it seemed to fit the style.

“Somebody mixed my medicine

Somebody mixed my medicine”

“I love this already.”, Luke whispered and JJ chuckled.

“You haven’t even heard anything yet.”, she snickered.

“Doesn’t matter, the feeling is there.”, he lifted his arms, showing her his goosebumps.

“Well you hurt where you sleep and you sleep where you lie

Now you're in deep and now you're gonna cry

Got a woman to your left

And a boy to your right

You start to sweat so

Hold me tight 'cause

Somebody mixed my medicine

I don't know what I'm on

Somebody mixed my medicine

Now baby it’s all gone

Somebody mixed my medicine

And somebody's in my head again

And somebody mixed my medicine again, again”

Spencer watched [y/n] starting to move to the rhythm, swaying her hips and tapping her left foot to the beat, then looked to Philip pressing some buttons.

 “She´s gonna be happy with that one.”, he whispered almost to himself and the next time Spencer looked at the band again, it almost felt like she was attentionally singing in his direction.

“Well I drink what you leak and I smoke what you sigh

See you cross the room with that look in your eye

Got a man to his left and a girl to his right

You start to sweat so

Hold me tight 'cause

Somebody mixed my medicine

I don't know what I'm on

Somebody mixed my medicine

Now baby it’s all gone

Somebody mixed my medicine

Somebody's in my head again

And somebody mixed my medicine again, again”

She started moving her head in a way that made her long black hair fall in her face, framing her features almost delicately. While Spencer starred and earned some grins from [y/n], he could hear Luke whisper with Emily, who actually seemed to like the music too.

“There's a tiger in the room and a baby in the closet”

The room laughed and Spencer looked confused, having JJ tell him, that it was a movie reference. Sometime he felt like an alien, having such simple references fly over his head. Star Trek or Book references would´ve been easier for him…although he still didn’t know what that ‘Twilight’ book was Penelope and JJ talked about a couple of times. Or that other book all the women had talked about in their break….what was it called, ‘Fifty Shades of Grey’? They had told him it was a romance novel, so he just assumed it was like ‘Pride and Prejudice’ by Jane Austen.

“Pour another drink mom I don't even want it

Then I turn around and think I see someone that looks like you”

Philip pressed some buttons again, [y/n] now harmonizing with herself.

“Well you hurt where you sleep and you sleep where you lie

Now you're in deep and now you're gonna cry

Got a woman to your left

And a boy to your right

You start to sweat so

Hold me tight 'cause

Somebody mixed my medicine

I don't know what I'm on

Somebody mixed my medicine

Now baby it’s all gone

Somebody mixed my medicine

Somebody's in my head again again

And somebody mixed my medicine

Again, again, again

Again, again, again

Again, again, again”

The music started to slow down again, just like [y/n] movements, making Luke whisper words in awe.

“Somebody mixed my medicine

Somebody mixed my medicine

Somebody mixed my medicine”

Philip and the team applauded as [y/n] took her headphones off and the men put their instruments away.

 “I´m happy with that.”, she said looking at Philip. “You, Philly?”

“Sounded great to me.”, he gave back, happy to answer.

“What about my new favorite fan. Luke?”, Luke quickly pushed Spencer aside to get to the microphone.

“Loved every second of it! Like- Amazing! Really!”, she giggled, throwing her head back and came through the door.

“What about my new guard dog?”, Spencer pointed at himself, not knowing if she was talking about him. “Of course you. So, what do you think, Doctor?”

“I- I don’t really know.”, she raised her eyebrows at his answer.

“Okay? Was it the drugs or just the music in general?”, he felt himself go pale. “Ah, okay. You´re prude, get it. I mean you already have that whole tutor-thing about you, so…Bach or Chopin?”

“Pardon?” “Which one? Or is it Mozart, or the deaf bitch, Beethoven?”, she grinned snarky.

 [y/n] had a mocking tone in her voice, making Spencer feel embarrassed and like he was in school again, when the other kids in high school were making fun of him for not being cool enough. But he was too old to be bullied by a little junkie, who thought she was better than him.

 “I´m surprised somebody like you would even know them.”, her smile vanished.

“Little bitch.”, she snapped at him, stepping closer as he cocked his eyebrows at her. Philip quickly walked between the two of them and smiled.

“So, what are we doing next? The albums done. Taken care of. [y/n] have you eaten something today? You wanna go out for dinner?”

“No, I haven’t and no, I don’t want to, when THAT is around.”, with ‘that’ she clearly meant Spencer.

“Now don’t be grumpy, Princess. You started it.”, Hank told her and she started to pout, shoulders relaxing.

“Wasn’t worth my time anyways.”, she murmured and Spencer felt himself getting proud. This was the first person, trying to bully him, he had stand a chance against.

“So, we´re gonna need you at the police station, if that´s okay?”, Emily asked Leroy, Hank and Tom, who nodded. “And Spencer, you should take [y/n] home and check out her house.” “Mansion.”, [y/n] corrected Emily. “I have a mansion. Worked too hard to have it being called a house.”, Emily only nodded, not letting herself get bothered by her words. Philip nodded, completely ignoring his clients snappiness too.

“I follow you in my car.”, he told Spencer. “[y/n] give Dr. Reid your keys, please.”, she shook her head indignant.

“No. That guy is not driving my car. I´ll drive.”, the whole band now started saying no.

“[y/n], you´re not driving.”, Tom ordered and Leroy nodded. “You´ll get an DUI so quick, it´s not even funny.”, Spencer lifted his hand, waiting for the key. “Oh, come on.”, she groaned, looking at her bandmates like her childish behavior would change their mind.

 A nice sound. An annoying person, not getting what they want. Almost as beautiful as her [y/e/c] eyes, that actually were rather bloodshot, when Spencer thought about it.

 “Should the police pull you over and see that you´re high, they´ll look through your car and I don’t think you want be taking in custody for drug possession, right?”, she handed him her keys and Spencer couldn’t help it and whispered “Thank you”, in the most mocking tone he was able to.

“Fucking cunt.”, she whispered back at him and he just chuckled.

“I´ve been called worse. So your little words don’t hurt me…sorry.”, she then grinned.

“Things like Spencer?”, [y/n] asked him, spitting his name like poison.

 Spencer took a deep breath and watched her go out the door, telling himself to not answer her.

 “Hey, kid.”, Spencer looked at Hank and he just lifted his thumb.

“You held yourself better than we thought you would.”, Leroy added, Emily looking at Spencer concerned.

“You sure you can handle her?”

 He nodded, walking out the door and to the elevator which doors [y/n] was holding open for him.

 “Hurry up, bitch boy! I wanna go home.”

 *****

 Of course the rich, spoiled brat drove an imported sportscar. When Spencer got in, he firstly had to push back the seat, not having enough room for his legs and then tried getting [y/n] to tell him where she lived.

 “Try google, smart ass.”, was her answer and he sighed.

 [y/n] then rolled down her window and grabbed a joint from her glove compartment. Spencer quickly leaned over and snatched it from her hand, making her whine as she tried getting it back.

 “You´re such a bitch. Give me-“, he interrupted her whining.

“No. First tell me you´re address.”, she sat back into her seat.

“Fine. I´ll lead you there.”, [y/n] said, making grabbing motions with her hand and he handed her the joint back. She lit it and smoked out of the window.

 Spencer knew he should have questioned why she gave up and let him win so easily. After ten minutes they weren’t at her mansion, they were at a McDonald´s.

 “You´re fucking kidding me, right?”, he snapped at her and she began to giggle.

“You´re kina hot when you´re angry.”, her flirty grin and the way she bit her lip made him furious, because it was hot.

“What is wrong with you?”, Spencer almost yelled and she leaned back and pointed somewhere. “I´m hungry. Drive-Through. Over there.”

“No.” “Come on. Don’t be a bitch, dog.”, she snickered, resting her feet on the dashboard.

 He looked at her, for a second thinking about simply getting out of the car and leaving, before he could hurt her. Maybe she was really too much for him to handle, the drugs were manageable, but it was her personality that drove him mad, yet he wasn’t someone to give up easily. Cars started to honk behind them.

 “You´re holding up the traffic. I just wanted something to eat.”, [y/n] said, now almost annoyed because she wasn’t getting what she wanted. Spencer took a deep breath.

“Okay.”, she looked at him confused.

“Okay?”, he nodded, pulling into the Drive-Through. He was above this. ‘Give her what she wants, so she´s at least quiet.’

“You win.”

 She started clapping and hugged him, smelling like marijuana and something he couldn’t quite make out. When they came up to the microphone box, [y/n] crawled over Spencer´s lap, forcing him to look and think respectfully. She ordering a bunch of stuff and then looked at him.

 “What do you want? I only have booze at home, so…”, he looked at her a little startled. Was she trying to be nice to him?

“You wanna buy me something?”, she nodded like this behavior was normal to her. “Sure.”

“Surprise me. I never eat fast food, I don’t know what´s good.”

 She nodded and then told the voice from the box to double her order. Sitting back into her seat, [y/n] took out a hundred dollar bill from her purse, handing it to Spencer. When they pulled up by the window, taking their things, the woman in the window nearly lost it when she saw the rockstar, starting to cry. [y/n] was really nice to her and asked her if she wanted to take a photo in the parking lot. Of course the woman said yes and after paying, where [y/n] had left almost fifty bucks as a tip, Spencer had to park and wait till they had made the photo and given an autograph.

 “Okay, now drive before it goes viral. I wanna eat that stuff before it gets cold.”, she told him, taking a sip of one of the milkshakes.

“That was nice.”, she shrugged and then told him her address, telling him she´d scream when they reached it.

 *****

 Lo and behold, no twenty minutes later they parked in front of [y/n] mansion, next to another, more run down car, belonging to Philip. The mansion would´ve made Rossi´s mansion cry. At least twice as big and the property was enormous. In contrast to [y/n], it was very light and minimalistic from the outside and the inside.

 “Most rooms are empty. Too big.”, she explained walking straight into the open living area, that had a large terrace with pool and a view over the Hollywood hills. She put the paper bags filled with food on the large kitchen island and sat on a barstool.

“You could sell it and buy a smaller one.”, [y/n] shrugged and took out a burger, starting to eat it.

“Philip says I´m gonna grow into it.”, she answered, mocking the tone of voice her manager had probably had.

 Spencer watched her type something on her phone and a minute later Philip came into the room.

 “Hey, where were you? I got worried.”, he asked them and [y/n] handed him a salad.

“It´s the one you always have.”, he smiled at her.

“Thank you. You´re so nice.”, she shrugged at his words, not really caring.

“Yours is in here too, dog.”, she now told spencer.

 Ah, yes. She was being bitchy again. Spencer had only waited for it to happen. He said nothing, but walked up to the white kitchen isle and took the bag she pointed at.

 “Milkshake, burger, fries. Fast food essentials.”, she stated, finishing her small cheeseburger and getting up to her fridge, taking out a beer. She held it to Spencer who declined and then to Philip who did the same. “Lame asses.”, she chuckled, opening it and standing at the counter, watching Spencer eat. “So you´re here for…?”

“Technically it would be the easiest for all of us, if I just stayed.”, she raised her brows.

“Staying like, in my house staying?”, he nodded and she shook her head. “No chance. I enjoy my solitude.”

“[y/n]. If it´s easier for the agent and better for you…”, she sighed, opening a drawer and taking out some pills, swallowing them with her beer. “Fucking hell. But don´t expect me to be considerate of you.”, the rockstar told him.

“Should you consume them with alcohol?”, Spencer asked, taking a bite of his burger and she shrugged.

“I´m going to sleep…you guys…do what you want, I don’t care…”

“Do you need me to do your laundry?”, Philip asked and [y/n] shrugged again, it seemed to be her favorite motion. As she walked down the hallways and Phillip yelled after her. “Don’t forget that you have a gig tonight, [y/n]!”

“THAT`S WHY I`M GOING TO SLEEP NOW, DUMB ASS! WAKE ME UP WHEN WE NEED TO GO!”, she yelled back, followed by the smashing of a door.

 “She´s a nice girl.”, Philip said in the middle of the silence, as Spencer took place on one of the barstools.

“Like a car crash.”, the man in his fifties chuckled.

“I know she´s difficult, but in here she´s good.”, he pointed at his heart. “She has suffered a lot of losses in her life.”

“Then, just as a random thought, you should get into therapy before she OD´s.”, Spencer answered sassy.

“I know what you mean. But as long as she doesn’t want help or overdoes it…she has a system.”, Spencer let his head fall back and groaned.

“You know about that fucking thing?” “You too?”, Philip asked back in surprise. “Profiler. Took me no longer than the nap in her car, to figure that out.”

 Yes, a small lie from Spencer, but it sounded better then: Oh yes, I was addicted to dilaudid once. I had a system too!

 “Tell me, how does that train wreck of a system work?”, Philip leaned back from his salad.

“Well, she takes her painkillers in the morning and smokes some cannabis to get out of bed. When we´re touring or she has to be at shootings, interviews or anything else that needs her to focus, she only smokes and takes the pills all day, alcohol in water bottles is a new one though.”, Spencer sighed and thought if he even wanted to know more.

“And when she´s alone or not busy?” “Then she does the harder stuff.” “Harder stuff like cocaine, LSD…?”, Philip nodded. “Nothing with needles though…she´s scared of them.”

“She will not always be, if she continues like that.” “I know. That´s why I do my best to keep her busy. She even has her own recording studio here, knows how to handle everything herself. I thought it might make her spend more time making music than getting high. I also go out with her a lot, to a point where my wife starts to get jealous.”, he laughed bittersweetly. “Have you ever been to Disney World, agent?”, Spencer shook his head. “I take [y/n] there once a week, because she likes it there. I spend more time with her there then with my own daughter.”, [y/n] was famous, no chance people wouldn’t notice her.

“Does she even get to do anything there?”

“Not often. She mostly meets her fans there, but she loves that a lot. She is really sweet to them too, they mean everything to her.”

 That was the first time Philip had said something that was true about [y/n]. She had, not once been mean to a fan. The complete opposite actually. She had been nice and thoughtful, going out of her way to make the woman at the Drive-Through happy and was nice to Luke.

 “I know she was a little mean to you today, but she also bought us food, seeing it as a matter of course. There are two sides to every person, like a coin.”, Like a coin, just that [y/n] sides flipped as quickly like one too. Philip sighed and got up from his barstool. “I´ll show you around a little, if you want to.”

 Spencer nodded, getting up, following the short man around the house.

 *****

 [y/n] had been right.

It was way too big and many of the rooms were empty. When Spencer asked Philip about the necessity of such a big mansion, he told him, that he had hoped to motivate [y/n] to have a family one day. But now the only rooms in use were her bedroom, one of the five guest bedrooms, which Spencer got to stay in, the open living area with kitchen and living room, the recording studio and a little library. The latter made Spencer a little jealous. In the middle of the room even stood a white piano with notes on it. [y/n] also had a lot of books, all dusty, because she never read anymore. He would´ve killed to have his own library…she probably didn’t even value what she had.

 When they returned into the living area, Philip gave Spencer some spare keys, beginning to clean up a little and putting the food in the fridge. [y/n] didn’t lie, when she said, she only had alcohol at home. JJ came over and brought Spencer his go bag, asking him how it was going. Of course he said he was doing great, but couldn’t help but rant to her about [y/n]´s behavior.

 “Well, she is an addict, Spence. You know how erratic some drugs can make you.”, he nodded.

“Yeah, but she really tries pushing me and then, one second to the other, she´s nice and polite. Have you talked to her bandmates?”, JJ laughed.

“Way too long. We had interviews with them and then Luke just couldn’t stop talking to them, he has also taken about a million pictures with them and facetimed Penelope so she could meet them too.”, Spencer chuckled.

“Sounds like they had a good time. Anything else happened? Found out something?”

“[y/n]´s mother was an addict and left the family when she was younger. When she found out her daughter was famous, she got back in touch with her, to borrow money. [y/n] didn’t care and even got her to live with her, in one of the guest bedrooms. She overdosed a few months ago, since then [y/n]´s addiction got worse.”, Spencer´s eyes got wide.

“She didn’t die in the guest bedroom though, right?”

 Just as JJ wanted to answer, [y/n] walked in. Philip walking behind her with a duffle bag.

 “She died in the bathroom and she didn’t overdose perse, she drowned after falling unconscious in the bathtub, while being high.”, she answered cold, seeming to have overheard their conversation. [y/n] grabbed a beer from the fridge and continued calmly while taking some colorful pills. “I found her. The bathroom that it happened in is always locked. Don´t worry.”, Philip fidgeted a little with his hands, looking for his keys.

“Uh-Uhm. Agents? We need to go. The concert…”

“You coming too?”, [y/n] asked, looking at JJ and she shrugged. “We could also invite the cute one…Luke. It´s about 20.000 people so two more won´t hurt…right Philly?”, Phillip nodded.

“You´re all invited. SSA Prentiss as well.”, he said and JJ smiled at them.

“Thank you. That´s very nice, but I´ll have to talk to them first.”, [y/n] shrugged at that and drank her beer.

“You have my number, just call when you know. We start half past eight.”, Philip then took the empty beer bottle from [y/n] and threw it away. “Show time.”

 *****

 Half an hour into the concert Luke had shown up, completely hyped.

 “What did I miss? We had some ex-staff members to talk to. Did they already play ‘Going to Hell’?”, Spencer nodded. “Argh, dammit. Doesn’t matter, that song´s amazing too.”

 During the whole concert Spencer watched [y/n]. The music wasn’t that bad, a little harsh, but it was mix of hard and alternative rock after all. At least that´s what Penelope said, when Luke started facetiming her. After the last costume change, Spencer pulled [y/n] aside. He asked her to not be so ‘touchy’ with her fans. Since she would kneel down and hold their hands. He tried telling her about the risks of having the unsub in the audience, but she only laughed.

 “I´ll be as touchy as I want, bitch.”, he started to frown.

“At least don’t stagedive. Luke says you always do that and the risk of the unsub use-“, she interrupted him, wanting to go on stage.

“Fuck off, dog.”, he held her arm, trying to reason with her.

“Can you ple-“, she tried pulling away, like an angry child.

“No.” “Stop being so fuck-“, [y/n] interrupted him again.

“Stop trying to fucking babysit me.”

“I just want to hel-“, she ripped her arm away. “Yeah, fuck you too.”, the rockstar answered, not letting him finish and walked back on stage.

 Philip walked up to Spencer, having seem the ordeal of him trying to talk to [y/n] and him now  driving the heel of his palm into his eyes. This girl gave him migraines.

 “What happened?”, Philip asked and Luke answered for Spencer.

“He told her not to stagedive.”, Philip laughed a little and shook his head.

“Oh yeah. Never tell her what to do. She hates that and then does it out of spite.”

“You don’t say?”, Spencer answered sarcastically.

 On stage [y/n] took her microphone, saying something to her bandmates and then smiling sweetly, while talking to her fans.

 “This next song is for my lovely new babysitter, who thinks he can tell me what to do.”, the crowd started booing and she laughed. “I know, I know. But it looks like he doesn’t know how things work around here…So I think we have to help him out a little.”

 The music started to play and Luke patted Spencer´s arm.

“She dedicates ‘Heaven Knows’ to you! Penny have you heard? She sings ‘Heaven Knows’ for Reid!”

“NO! SHUT UP!”, the blonde on the phone squeaked.

 He and Garcia started to freak out while Spencer watched [y/n] clapping her thigh and stomping to the beat.

“Jimmy's in the back with a pocket of high

If you listen close, you can hear him cry

Oh Lord, heaven knows, we belong way down below

Sing it!”

She lifted the mic to her audience she started to sing for her.

Oh Lord, heaven knows, we belong way down below, way down below, way down below

“Judy's in the front seat picking up trash

Livin' on the dole, gotta make that cash

Won't be pretty, won't be sweet

She's just sittin' here on her feet singin'

Oh, Lord, heaven knows, we belong way down below

Go!”

Again her fans obeyed her, Luke and Penelope freaking out next to Spencer. If it wouldn’t have been a moment, were he had to fear which move she had planned next to unnerve him, he might have even enjoyed this song and the involvement of her fans in it.

Oh Lord, heaven knows, we belong way down below

“Sing, oh Lord, tell us so, we belong way down below”

She now looked at him for a moment, while her audience sang. Before, again, walking around the stage, touching her fans hands.

Oh Lord, tell us so, we belong way down below

Way down below, way down below, way down below, way down below

“I've had better days, man, I've seen better days

I've had better ways, man, I know better ways

One, two, three and four, the devil's knocking at your door

Caught in the eye of a dead man's lie

Show your life with your head held high

Now you're on your knees with a head on low

Big man tells you where to go

Tell them it's good, tell 'em ok

Don't do a goddamn thing they say”

Spencer was surprised how well her fans knew her lyrics. She would just have to point at them or lift her mic and they would instantly sing were she stopped. Not missing a beat.

Oh Lord, heaven knows, we belong way down below

Oh Lord, tell us so, we belong way down below

Way down below, way down below, way down below, way down below

“I've seen better ways, and I know better ways

I've seen better days, man, I've got better days”

[y/n] now stood at the edge of the stage, back turned to her audience. She smiled directly at Spencer, fingers held like a gun to her head.

“Gina's in the back with a pocket of high

If you listen close you can hear the cryin'”

At the last word she mimicked shooting herself and let herself fall back into the crowd. Her fans got wild and continued her song, while Spencer certainly not in a long time, if ever, felt so much spite and frustration against a woman, other than Cat Adams.

Oh Lord, heaven knows, we belong way down below

Oh Lord, tell us so, we belong way down below

Singin' oh, Lord, heaven knows, we belong way down below

Oh, Lord, tell us so, we belong way down below

The crown placed [y/n] back on her stage, where she walked up to her bandmates again, waving at Spencer and Luke with the sweetest smile.

Way down below, way down below, way down below, way down below, way down below

Way down below, way down below, way down below, way down below, way down below

 *****

 After the concert and the encores she and the band got behind stage, where Spencer for the least thirty minutes had waited to give her a piece of his mind. As [y/n] giggled and walked up to him and Luke. He grabbed her arm, a little harsher than planned.

“What the fuck is wrong with you?”, she blinked at his yelling, answering with her innocent eyes blinking and a mocking tone.

“What´s the prob, dog?”

“What´s- Do you really care so little for your own safety?”, Hank came up to them, having seen Spencer´s grip on the girls arm.

“Hey! What´s going on here? [y/n], are you okay?”, Spencer quickly let go of her.

“Yeah, the dog is just pissing himself because I stage dived.”, he quickly took a deep breath.

“I´m not pissing myself, [y/n], but I told you not to do it. What would you have done when your stalker would´ve been in the crowd and lost it? Nobody would´ve been able to get to you fast enough and help!”, Hank looked at her in disappointed shock.

“Is that true, [y/n]?”, the black haired girl ignored her friend and just continued arguing with Spencer.

“Well, maybe I don’t want anybody’s help!”, she hissed at Spencer.

“Then why are we even here?”, Spencer hissed back. “BECAUSE I BRING MONEY! Else the label would let me rot in a fucking corner! GOD! You are ruining my after-show-high. I hate you!”, [y/n] yelled and Spencer tried not to yell back, tried to be the bigger person, only hissing back at her.

“Oh, trust me. That feeling is mutual.”, she swallowed hard and then turned around, stomping away.

 *****

After half an hour waiting, Spencer got a call from Philip, telling him that [y/n] refused to see him again and would be sleeping at his house tonight. He told him, that he should just let himself into the mansion and eat what´s in the fridge. It wasn’t from use, to try talking to [y/n], when she was that angry. Tomorrow Philip would call him and bring her back into Spencer´s care.

Spencer did as told, Luke driving him to the mansion, telling him that it wasn’t his fault. He then got into the large, empty mansion and grabbed himself a well-deserved beer. Being alone in this big house was depressing. After his third beer he stopped, walking into his room.

He pulled his blue and gold sobriety token, he had gotten for being clean ten years, out of his bag. Thumb rubbing over the golden X in the middle of it. He actually had deserved a twelve year token by now, but since prison didn’t actively attended the meetings anymore, having grown past it. Yet, he still kept the tokens he had, close to him.

They reminded him of his achievement, reminded him to be proud at himself.

Spencer never wanted to fall back into the dark hole he was in, when he was addicted, and even when [y/n] would throw tantrum after childish tantrum, she wouldn’t cause him to relapse. He was stronger than this. Stronger than her.

To be continued...

.

Give me your feedback [also anonymous!]

.

.

Taglist (lmk if you want to be added/removed)

[palbabor-writes]

11,23,26,30

Welcome back ♥️ 😘

11. Any moments, or scenes, that you could watch/read over and over again:

So, every leak night, like a freaking obsessed person, I re-read the manga. I start at chapter 270 and then keep re-reading until I hit the latest chapter, or the leaks start to release. 

It helps me to stay grounded in the moment. If that makes sense?? For me, I can appreciate the nuances and watch the build up happen at a gradual pace. It’s kinda like putting a book down for a week, finding it again, and then needing to remind myself of the plot and characters before I keep reading. 

And so, for now, imma say the War Arc, as distressing as it’s been, has been my most re-watched/read bit of BNHA. 

I’m ready for something else, Horikoshi plz, end this torture :((((  

23. Any moment that was a disappointment:

Honestly, the Overhaul Arc. I liked the development of Shigaraki & his growth and I liked all the questions that were asked by the adults (see: ROCK LOCK) at the table before the raid, but I dislike how it’s so self contained?

I feel like none of the characters, aside from the UA kids and teachers, really got to experience much development. Everything is very boxed up. It’s almost like it’s own little mini novel. 

26. What moment did you find the saddest? Or that hit you the hardest:

Chapters 235 - 237. 

That’s the Shigaraki back story reveal. I don’t know what I was expecting. We’d seen glimpses but seeing it all laid out & how much the unfortunate circumstances of his life broke him, yeah, that hurt.

Still does. 

I’m terrified that I’ll burst into tears when it’s animated. 

30. What is, if any, the biggest flaw you see in the series?

Ahaha. I loved you asked me this Lydia, but you’ll prolly regret it. I’ve always got a bone to pick with things. 

Saying that, I love this series. I like the characters, I like the depth, I like the vulnerability of the male mains, I would like to see more of the female characters, but it’s a shonen & I guess I get it. *not really. more female development plz & ty

But, I dislike the disconnect of violence. I don’t like that the heroes get to smash and bash and vent and feel, but when the villains do it it’s a big ol’ GASP, can you believe? All Might did wonderful things for society, but he also plays a big part in enabling all of this lackadaisical apathy we see in the work.

And that’s not limited to heroes. The everyday people seem positively gleeful at the carnage and aggression they get to watch played out on the streets. As much as I dislike Endeavor, it shouldn’t have taken a kid to say, hey, he’s freaking trying & he’s lowkey dying out there, have a little bit of faith?? Maybe try to help him, but don’t turn away from his husk of a body to look for the next best thing. 

These are the themes that I love in this work & I want to see so much more. I like the grey characters and I like that this whole thing starts with the quote: “Men are not created Equal.” However, I would like to see people learning to be badass, to help, to succeed, to be worth something, without their quirks. 

Izuku didn’t need OFA to be great, he already was. Mirio absolutely almost triumphed over Overhaul without his quirk. That is valuable and that is important. Ahem.

BNHA ask game

Below this cut are major spoilers. I discuss the some of the events that transpired in BNHA 293, so no touch if you don’t wanna see that.

 I AM SO PISSED AT THIS LATEST CHAPTER. OMG. 

You can live with out a quirk. You can thrive without a quirk. You are just as valuable WITHOUT A QUIRK. So the fact that Mirio asked a 7 year old, who’s only worry should be what color she is going to put in her coloring book next, to fix him, is not, imo: OK

I’m also bothered by the fact that Aizawa sat there and said, this is fine. You’re upset by children being used in this war, right?  

I don’t care if Eri thinks she’s been practicing for this: she is SEVEN. She is a child & I want her to get to be a child. She shouldn’t be leaned on for fixing your problems. It’s too similar to what Overhaul was doing and, at the end of the day, you’re using her for YOUR selfish benefit. 

Oh, and she is a civilian. 

She is not a hero. She is not enrolled to become one & I think everyone at that school would say she is too young to make that call right now. Hero society relies on civilians not taking action, not interfering. Society calls the MLA terrible & they are all technically classified as villains for using their quirks without a license. Why, why, why then, can you ask Eri to use hers?

In BNHA, using your quirk, outside of the bounds of the law, makes you someone who is acting on the WRONG side of the law. It doesn’t matter if it’s for the right cause, as we saw with the kids, waaaay back in the Stain arc

So. My question is, why do you get a pass Mirio? Why were you able to skirt the rules of society, when ppl like Tomura, Twice, Toga, or others, who feel that they are slipping through the cracks, who don’t conform to the rules, are held to a different standard? That’s an: It’s ok for me, but not for thee mentality & I am upset. 

If you made it this far, thank you for listening to my ramblings :3c it’s just a manga, i should likely chill the fuck out & i’m SORRY.     

[knittingdreams]

Fireheart - Chapter 22

This chapter is super precious to me! I loved writing it and I love re reading it every once in a while! It’s probably because Sam is in it *-* You might have guessed by now, but I have a thing for Sam <3 haha

Masterlist: HERE

Ao3 and more chapters: HERE

Tiny tag list: @tillyrubes10 (just leave a comment if you wanna be added to it)

TW: loss

CHAPTER 22

Sinking

“That was not the deal!” Dorian crossed his arms over his chest, clearly annoyed.

“Well, I said I was going to the party with you, I never said anything about how long I was going to be there for.”

“You’ll miss out on the best part! After the boring but delicious dinner and speeches, that’s when the dancing and drinking starts. If you leave early, who am I to dance with?”

“Well, that is not my problem, is it? I will go to dinner this Saturday as promised, but after that, I will be gone.”

“And you won’t even tell me why or where you’re going.”

“Exactly. Now please, it’s Friday night, I have things to do and places to be, so if you may.” Celaena gestured with her hands for Dorian to move along, but he shook his head.

“You can’t just-” She slammed the door shut on his face, and walked towards her room as she heard Dorian cursing out loud in the hall.

Celaena slumped on the bed and covered her face with a pillow. She had 24 hours left until the next fight, and she knew she should head to the mansion for some training, but she couldn’t get herself to do it. After tossing and turning in bed for a while, she decided to go out. She put on a pair of jeans, her black leather jacket and headed out on her motorbike.

She drove around town for a while, not knowing where she was going, trying not to think about anything, but thinking too much about everything instead. When she turned towards the outskirts, she finally realized what she needed, where she was headed. 

It had been long since the last time she had visited.

Celaena parked her bike in an alley and walked a few meters towards the water. She sat down by the shore, the water getting so close that it was almost touching the tips of her boots. It was the spot where she had washed ashore; where Arobynn had found her. She couldn’t remember much about the moment, but she had made Arobynn take her there a few years after she was found, and had come back several times ever since.

There was no other way for her to be close to her parents. Their remains had been returned to Terrasen, and she hadn’t been back there; ever. And sometimes, she even wondered if she’d ever go back.

“Hey, mum,” she said quietly into the night. “Hi, dad. I’m sorry it’s been a while, life hasn’t been particularly easy.” She knew they couldn’t hear her, but she had spoken to them so many times as a child, it was almost like thinking out loud. “I promised you I’d find who did this to you, and I assure you I’m working on it… I’m going to avenge you. I just… I just don’t know if I know how to do this. I have a plan, I do. But I feel like I keep running into dead ends, and the lies keep piling up... I’m afraid I don’t know who I am anymore.”

She sat in silence for minutes, contemplating the water, listening to the soothing sound of the waves crashing, and watching as the stars started shining brighter in the sky and reflecting on the surface. She had lost the only friend she had ever had, she wasn’t speaking with Sam, and she was fake dating a guy she didn’t even trust.

“How am I supposed to run the business after all this is over if I don’t even know who I am?”

Celaena grabbed a rock from the shore and threw it into the water.

“How will I run it, when all I’ve ever done is fight?”

She grabbed another rock, spun it between her fingers, and threw it as hard as she could. She watched the water rippling for long, listening to the water, the wind, and the crickets chirping in the distance.

“I don’t even know who I am.” The words seem to be stuck in her head, consuming her with doubt.

She heard the steps behind her before the familiar voice replied.

“I know who you are, and I’d be happy to remind you if you let me.” Sam showed up by her side, extending a hand towards her to help her to her feet. She looked at it for a while before taking it begrudgingly.

“What are you doing here?”

“I come here sometimes,” Sam’s voice was soft but certain.

“What for?” She raised a single eyebrow at him.

“As a reminder… I have nothing left of my past, of my parents, or who I was. But I know who I am now, and a lot of it, a lot of me, began the day Arobynn brought you to the house. I come here to think, same as you do.”

Sam pointed with his head to the side and started walking slowly along the shore. Celaena followed him, letting the silence between them settle into a calm and pleasant feeling while she thought about Sam’s words.

“I’m not sure about anything anymore.” It was the biggest truth she had spoken in a while. “Who am I? I am not Celaena, I am not Aelin anymore, and I don’t think I can stand up to the Fireheart title either.” She paused for a second before dropping the second painful truth. “They beat me up, Sam.” Her voice almost cracked admitting it out loud, and she had to swallow hard. “I won the fight, but they came after me... I barely made it out. I feel like a fraud.”

Sam looked at her as he kept walking, his eyes traveling to her brow, which was now healed, and then back to her blue eyes. He had known something was wrong, but he couldn’t hide the surprise when hearing her words.

“I’ve missed those eyes, you know,” he said after a while, surprising her by the change of subject. “Not that brown doesn’t suit you, everything does, but the darkness in those eyes… Sometimes I forget about the light that shines within, and I think you do too.”

“What are you even talking about, Sam?” He wasn’t making sense, and she was already getting annoyed at him. She had laid out the biggest truth, had opened up in a way she hadn’t done in years, and Sam was talking nonsense instead of acknowledging what she had told him.

“I’m sorry you got beaten up, and I’m here to talk about it if you want. I can only imagine how frustrated you might feel. After all, you are a fighter, and losing is not something you’re used to. But you are still here, still showing up, still fighting. You might be hiding behind those dark eyes on the daily, but the light that shines within is still there.” Sam looked up to the sky and the almost full moon, lost in thought for a moment while she waited for him to finish talking. “You are Celaena, as much as you are Aelin, and you are also Fireheart. Names are not important, names do not define us. You are not the name, but the person that wields it. You are Celaena, because you are that girl that’s showing up at school and making friends, the girl that joined the cheerleader team and is kicking ass in practice. You are also Fireheart, I don’t doubt that for a second. You are fierce, and you have a passion inside of you that burns so bright, you could light up the whole world if you wanted to.” Sam stopped walking and turned around to look at her, the silver moon making his eyes look bright as he held her gaze.

“Sam, you don’t… you can’t-”

“Don’t you dare say I don’t know you. You can try and hate me all you want, but I can read you better than you can read yourself, Aelin. Because you are Aelin too. You are still that fragile girl that I met so many years ago, and that’s what terrifies you. You are scared of being vulnerable, and that’s why you keep pushing me away. But I won’t back down. I’m here for you, like it or not, and you need to eventually let someone in. I don’t care if that someone is me, or someone else.”

Sam’s hands had traveled to Celaena’s shoulders, and he was holding her at arm’s length, looking intently into her eyes. She looked down, thinking about the past. About how every time she had fought against Sam, he had still been there, silently by her side. How he had been there the first few nights when she woke up screaming, the nightmares haunting her. He had learned how to fight by her side, and always pushed her to be better, to fight as an equal, and not treated her differently for being a girl.

“What happened that night?” She hadn’t let him explain himself and had always believed he had betrayed her out of jealousy or mistrust. Celaena didn’t know if it was all she had lost in the last week, or the uncertainty after being so close to losing everything, but she was finally ready to listen to Sam, to hear his side of the story.

“I’ve been waiting for you to ask this for so long, to give me a chance to explain.” He let go of her shoulders, and ran a hand through his hair, looking up into the sky again. “I will never forgive myself for it. I didn’t know what you were up to… I knew you had been keeping a little extra money here and there, don’t look at me like that,” he said as Celaena raised a brow at him. “We worked closely, and you know I pay attention, I knew you’d been stealing from Arobynn for months.”

“Why didn’t you rat me out?”

“Because I didn’t know why you were stealing, and why would I, anyway?”

“You don’t want to know what I wanted the money for?” Celaena started walking again, and Sam followed her as they walked back along the shoreline.

“I do, and you know I won’t tell a soul if you decide to share it with me. I’m done being Arobynn’s spy, I mean it.”

She considered the answer for a long moment before replying. “I wanted to hire a private investigator.”

“To look for your parents,” Sam added.

“And to find whatever I could on Arobynn... To take him down.”

“What?” Sam stopped walking altogether and took a step back. “Are you crazy? Why? No, oh, no, no, why are you even telling me this?”

That was a good question, and one she didn’t think she was ready to answer just yet. “You know he owns us, and even if I get my family’s company back, Arobynn will still own my life, he will be able to get money out of me for the rest of my life with the secrets he knows. I will not be able to rest, even if I get my way. You know that. But that’s enough about my motives, I want yours.”

Sam was shaking his head, one hand furiously scratching the back of his head and messing his hair even more. Celaena kept walking, not waiting to see if he’d follow or not, she knew he would eventually.

“Okay, fuck,” he trotted over to catch up and walked by her side. “That night when you disappeared, I thought the worst. It was just after we had done that raid in the big mansion, and I thought security might have found a trail on us. I went around looking for you, and when I couldn’t find you anywhere, I panicked. Arobynn found me pacing around in your room, waiting to see if you’d show up. I had found your stash, and it was lying on top of your bed when Arobynn walked in.”

Celeana slowed down and headed towards the shore, stopping so close that the water was licking the soles of her boots. Sam stood by her side, his hands in his pockets as he shifted his weight from one foot to the other.

“So he found you there, my stash on the bed… And you told him everything.”

Sam looked down, and kicked the rocks and the sand, making the water ripple around them and splash their boots.

“No,” his voice was almost a murmur, but they were standing so close together, she could hear him perfectly. “I… I told him the money was mine.”

Celaena looked up at him, his profile a perfect silhouette being drawn against the moon behind him. “You did what?” There was no way she had heard that right, why would’ve Sam defended her like that?

“I’ve known him for longer than you, Aelin, and I’ve seen the darkest sides of Arobynn. He will only show you what he wants you to see, and he has always wanted you to see the good parts of him. He wanted you to think he was caring, and that’s why he’s always giving you gifts. All he ever gave me was discipline and punishments, and I was scared of what he might do to you for stealing, so I lied.”

Silence took over as all Celaena could do was look at the man standing in front of her. The boy she had grown up with, the one she had always pushed away, and the same one that had tried to help her all along. She knew now that side of Arobynn Sam was talking about, she had suffered it that awful night, when everything for her had changed.

“Why? Why did you care? I tried so hard to push you, and you-”

“Aelin,” Sam turned around to face her and reached over to hold her hands. His hands were warm against her skin, and she almost pulled away, but Sam’s eyes were so intense, that she couldn’t do it. “We have grown up together, and it doesn’t matter how hard you try to push me away, I will always be there, because-”

“Sam, don’t-”

“No, you fucking listen to me, I’m done with pretending I don’t give a shit and letting you hurt my feelings over and over again. I love you, Aelin.”

Celaena stepped back, getting her hands off Sam’s as fast as she could. No, he didn’t, he couldn’t, she couldn’t deal with that.

Sam started laughing, a relaxed and genuine laugh that was so inappropriate for the situation, that it almost made Celaena laugh as well.

“For fucks sake,” he said when he finally stopped. “You are so scared of people caring about you, that it makes you so blind to so many things.” Sam was shaking his head, and Celaena was lost for words, not having any idea of what was going on anymore. “I love you like a sister, Aelin. You are the family I never had, the one I always wished I could have. And just like any brother would, I sometimes want to kill you and punch you in the gut for being so stubborn and a pain in my ass; but that doesn’t mean I don’t love you, or that I wouldn’t do anything for you. You are my only family.”

He had always been there, he had stood up for her, tried to defend her, to take the blame for her mistakes. Sam was like the brother she never had.

“Sam…” 

She had always known it, but had denied her feelings for so long, so scared that caring for him would mean losing him the same way she had lost her parents and everyone else she had ever cared for. But how could she keep running away from him, when he was opening up his heart right in front of her?

“You don’t need to say it back, I know you care for me in your own twisted and fucked up way. And I’ll say it one last time, I’m not going anywhere.”

Going against everything Celaena had ever trained for, every instinct she had learned to develop to survive, and every impulse of running away she felt, she closed the distance between them and laced her arms around Sam’s neck.

As Sam hugged her back, Celaena told herself she was Celaena, but also Aelin. That girl hadn’t completely died that night she washed ashore, and she could still be her when needed, she could still rely on her every once in a while.

“If you ever tell anyone about this, Cortland,” she said as she squeezed him hard and then let go of him altogether. “I will chop off your balls and serve them to Arobynn on a silver platter.”

Sam laughed out loud, a beautiful and heartfelt laugh that filled the space between them, making Aelin laugh with him.

“I wouldn’t doubt that for a second.”

[rainbowshawn]

Yours

A/N: Sorry this took so long, I couldn’t even tell you how many times I’ve re-written this one. It’s a long one though so hopefully that makes up for it!! Anyways I’m a sucker for Jealous!Shawn fics so naturally I had to write my own. 

Summary: Shawn is determined to remind you who you belong to after an old friend crosses the line.

Warnings: Mentions of alcohol, language, jealousy, and absolute filth. (Dom!Shawn)

Word count: 7.6k

“Shawn, stop it”

You spot him rolling his eyes behind you in the mirror you were currently using to finish up your makeup. A smirk formed on his face as he watched you applying your highlighter.

“I didn’t do anything,”

“Uh-huh,” you drag, squinting your eyes at him.

A few of your old friends were in town and they had invited you to one of the new clubs in the city. It was an upscale venue and you had been absolutely dying to find an excuse to go. It also didn’t hurt that you had a dress collecting dust in your closet that was screaming to be worn. That little black dress had Shawn wrapped right around your finger and you knew it.

“Uh huuuh, that’s why you’ve been eye-fucking me back there for the past fifteen minutes,” you smirked coyly. He shifts from his spot on the bed and slowly makes his way over to you, his gaze growing more intense by the second.

“It’s not my fault you look this sexy, kitten,” he purrs, leaning down to graze your warm neck with his lips. “I think you’re trying to drive me crazy.”

You hum as you feel his lips pressing against your neck; your focus no longer on finishing your makeup. You roll your head back loving the feeling of his lips on your skin and his warm hands trailing up your stomach, getting dangerously close to your breasts. You reluctantly sit back up, shrugging off his affection in favor of getting back to your makeup.

“Don’t distract me, hornball,” you giggle, picking one of your brushes back up.

He sighs, sitting back on the bed as he licks his lips. You choose to ignore his boyish antics as you finish up your dark eyeshadow. He was already dressed and ready to go, only waiting on you so you two could head to the club.

“Who’s all gonna be there?” he inquires.

“Mmm, I think Kira, Lexi, Emmy, and Matt,” you say slowly, trying to apply your nude lipstick at the same time.

Shawn tenses at the mention of the last name. Matt was an old friend, nothing more, but he knows from stories you had told him that Matt used to have a crush on you. You had always insisted that it was nothing, just some stupid high school crush, and Shawn believes you. He really does. But he can’t stop his mind from going into defense mode, suddenly anxious about you being around someone who had wanted you for so long.

He knows it’s wrong and he trusts you. One-hundred percent. So he swallows the feeling and scolds himself internally for feeling this way. 

You eye yourself in the mirror, unaware of Shawn being lost in his thoughts behind you. Your skin is glowing and your eyeshadow makes your eye stand out than it already does. You snatch up your phone that was faintly playing music and snap a few selfies in the mirror. You had to admit it; this look had you feeling super confident. Your makeup came out just right and you took the opportunity to get some cute photos out of it.

“Hey, Bubba,” your voice snapped him out of his trance, “c’mere.”

His head snaps up and he blinks quickly, getting out of his head. You’re looking at him in the mirror, your phone still held up in your hand and he catches onto what you want. He smiles as he comes over to your vanity, crouching down to be level with you as you wrap your arm around his neck.

Your faces squish together and he can’t help the blush that appears on his face as you take a few photos. He smirks as you push your lips out in a flirty pose. He chuckles as he shifts to press a kiss to your cheek as you snap more photos.

“Mmm, my pretty girl,” he says lowly, his tone sounding deeper than normal.

You shivered as you looked back through the photos, smiling as you take a liking to the one of him kissing your face.

“We look so cute,” you smile, posting the photo on your story.

“Don’t we always?”

—

The bustle of the party was a bit disorienting when you first arrived. Shawn has his arm around wrapped protectively your waist as you take in the modern club. People brush by quickly as the music pumps through the busy room. You take a moment to scan the busy area for your friends until you stumble upon a familiar face.

“Matt!”

You smile as you see the tall blonde take notice of your presence. He makes his way over to you in large strides, instantly grabbing you up into a strong hug, your laugh filling the crowded air.

“Y/N! God, it’s been yeeears!”

“I know! How have you been?” you say, beaming at him. His arms stay wrapped around you as you two speak. You’re so taken aback at your reunion that you don’t take any notice but Shawn sure does. His jaw clenches as he watches the exchange.

You go back and forth with Matt, catching up with each other briefly before Shawn clears his throat. Your attention shifts and you quickly separate from your old friend, laughing when you realize you never introduced the boys.

“Oh, duh, Matt, this is my boyfriend Shawn” you glance over at Shawn, grabbing onto his arm to introduce them.

“Nice to meet you man,” Shawn says, extending his hand out to Matt. He notices Matt’s eyes scaling your body before he snaps out of it and shakes his hand. Shawn makes sure to grip his hand extra hard, sending him a quiet signal of dominance.

“Yeah. Nice to meet you,” Matt mumbles out, still a bit distracted by your figure in your tight dress.

You remain oblivious to the exchange, smiling up at Shawn.

Some time passes and you end up in one of the large mahogany booths in the club with the group. Kira and Lexi were busy scanning the room for cute guys, hoping Toronto would be a jackpot for them. Emmy was talking to you about her trip to Iceland with her new executive boyfriend. You listen and chuckle. Still as pretentious as ever.

You’re seated between Shawn and Lexi, Matt, Kira, and Emmy directly across from you. The conversation shifts and the group starts talking about old times. You giggle at Emmy’s story of Lexi getting blackout drunk at a party you had all went to years ago, where she puked all over the guy she was trying to hook up with.

“Y/N, you remember when we used to skip school and go out to that creek? I’ll never forget when you slipped on the rocks and busted your ass,” Matt laughs out, “I had to carry you outta there and then somehow explain to your mom what we were doing down there.”

Shawn’s brows furrow as he wonders what you two were busy doing. He feels guilty for feeling uneasy about Matt. He’s never been the jealous type but he can’t seem to get past the looks he’s seen Matt giving you all night. He’s not stupid. He shifts in his seat and guides his hand onto your thigh, holding onto it protectively.

“How could I forget?” you laugh, hiding your face in your hands.

“I can’t count how many times I’ve had to take care of your clumsy ass,” he chuckles.

You quickly down the rest of your drink and interject before you can be further embarrassed in front of Shawn.

“On that note,” you interrupt, shooting matt a teasing glare, “Why are we just sitting here, guys? Let's go dance!”

You tug Shawn up, walking backward as you pull him towards the dance floor. You beam up at him, giggling as he takes in your figure, smiling at you. He knows he’s in for a long night.

You embrace the loud music and low lights as you feel the alcohol start to hit you. You dance to the top 10 hits blaring through the speakers, laughing the whole time. Shawn just watches you, a smile plastered on his face as he observes your drunken antics.

“You’re adorable,” he giggles at your dancing.

“Mmmm I know,” you say, wrapping your arms around his neck and pressing a kiss to his lips, “Now let loose a little, loverboy. Show me those moves.”

—

Shawn had just reluctantly left you to grab some more drinks at the bar. After a while of being apart from the group, you see Matt making his way back over to you through the packed crowd. He stumbles along to the loud beat pumping through the club and you cock your head, observing him. His eyes rake over you and you suddenly notice the look hungry look on his face. Once he reaches you, his hand settles onto your lower back and he pulls you into him as he speaks over the obnoxiously loud pop song.

“Can I get you a drink?” he shouts, “My treat.”

You notice his eyes mentally undressing you and you giggle, unsure of how to respond.

“I think I’m okay,” you say, wiggling in his tight grasp as he grinds into you, dancing to the song. Shawn sees the exchange from the bar and immediately starts walking back to you with jealousy pumping through his veins.

“Matt, seriously stop, you’re being weird,” you half chuckle, still confused by the situation. Matt just shushes you and moves his hands towards your hips.

Shawn immediately steps over towards you, hand snaking around your waist and brushing Matt’s hands off of your body.

“She’s good, man,” Shawn blurts out; his tone a bit stronger than normal. “Hands off.”

Your timid eyes shift over to him, noticing his jaw clenching. His cheekbones looked extra defined and his jawline somehow seemed sharper than usual. You bit your lip at his dominant demeanor, suddenly distracted from the tense situation playing out in front of you.

“Woah, man,” Matt defends, “I think I was talking to the Y/N, not you.”

Shawn’s arm grips your waist tighter, and you feel him stand up straighter next to you. You hear the slur of Matt’s words and piece together that he’s beyond drunk. He had never been a big drinker and you had only seen him drunk a handful of times in high school. You were surprised at his bold advances towards you.

“Don’t think it matters,” Shawn spits, standing up straighter and towering over the blonde. He shifts to step towards Matt, moving your body behind his, “That’s my girl.”

“Guys,” you move to press your palm into Shawn’s chest and step between them, hoping to deescalate the situation. You shoot matt a glare as you see him open his mouth back up to reply. “Knock it off.”

“Whatever, man,” Matt scoffs and backs up, rolling his eyes as he disappears back into the crowd.

“What the fuck?”

“He’s been practically eye-fucking you all night!” Shawn defends himself.

“Shawn,” you trail, placing your hands on the sides of his face. He turns his head to the side, avoiding your gaze.

You squint your eyes before laughing teasingly, “You’re so jealous.”

“Am not,” he grumbles.

You turn his face, making him look at you as you squint up at him.

“Whatever you say,” you trail. “But really. He’s just drunk. He’s just my friend.”

His arms wrap around your waist and pull you to his warm body. He presses his hips into your stomach and you have to hold back a groan as you feel him grind against you.

“I don’t care,” He cranes his head down to murmur into your ear, “You’re mine.”

You groan lightly at his words; the sound lost amongst the bustle of the loud room. His lips are suddenly pressed against your neck and he nips at the skin teasingly. His hands are settled on your hips and you feel his grip tighten as he pulls you closer.

His lips trail up from your shoulder to your ear where he whispers darkly,

“How about we get out of here, kitten? Need you. Want you to myself. That dress is driving me fucking crazy,”

—

The ride back to the apartment felt like an eternity as you wound through the busy streets of Toronto. You and Shawn were in the back of an uber, trying your best not to pounce on each other. The tension was tangible as his hand rested on your thigh; his fingers drawing light circles on your sensitive skin. You bit your lip and looked out the window trying to distract yourself from his teasing.

You roll your head and look at Shawn through your heavy lids. A small smile plays at your lips as you eye the beautiful man next to you. His features are relatively lost amongst the dark environment of the car, but the dim light trickling in from the window dances across his face. He’s shifted, meeting your gaze as you rub a hand up his arm that was in your lap. His lips look extra plump as he shoots you a smirk and it takes all your strength not to latch onto him right there.

“Like what you see, dear?” he asks, knowing full well, of course you do.

“Mmm,” you hum as you press a kiss to his lips; finding them to be too hard to resist. Your hand sneaks it’s way up to rest on top of his semi-hard bulge and Shawn bites at your lip in an attempt to keep quiet.

Luckily, you don’t have too much time to get any more lost in him as you pull up to the apartment the two of you share. He’s out in an instant, faster than you could blink, reaching a hand out to help you out of the low car.

Somebody’s eager.

He tugs you through the lobby quickly, occasionally stealing glances back at you while you trail behind him. You enter the elevator, pressing the button a few times in a faulty hope that it’ll go faster. He wraps his arm around your waist and pulls you to him, pressing a kiss to your hair.

“When we get inside I want you to naked and kneeling on the bed,” he murmurs into your hair, “alright, princess?”

You bite your lip and nod your head. Your legs clench together at the nickname, the heat between your legs growing warmer. You know exactly what mood he was in tonight and you know he’s not playing any games. The doors finally open and you shift to dash out, feeling a slap connect with your ass. You look back to find Shawn grinning and biting his lip as he admires your figure from behind. You roll your eyes and continue on your way.

Once you two make it inside, you’re tugging your hair to the side, silently asking him to unzip your form-fitting dress. His hands dance up your sides and you feel his breath fanning against your neck as he slowly pulls the zipper down. You reach down to pull your sleek stilettos off but Shawn’s hand quickly grabs your arm.

“Keep the heels on.”

You raise your eyebrows but decide not to say anything, standing back up. You smirk as you turn around, making your way into your bedroom. You make quick work of your dress, pulling it off of your body, followed by your bra and panties. You discard them haphazardly on the floor.

You crawl onto the bed and sit back on your heels as you wait for him. Your breathing is quicker than normal, exciting anxiety coursing through your veins. You simultaneously love and hate the anticipation he’s forcing you to endure but you remind yourself that it would pay off in the end. He always left you satisfied.

After a few minutes of silently waiting, you finally see Shawn’s tall figure emerge into the dimly lit room. He’s still dressed in his tight slacks, fitting his toned legs perfectly, and his white button-up. His left hand is behind his back and you press your legs together tightly as you watch him approach you. He makes his way over until he’s stood right in front of you, gripping your jaw tightly, making you look up at him. His warm fingers press into your skin firmly, making heat pool between your legs.

“Gonna be a good girl for me?” he murmurs deeply.

“Yes,” you whimper.

“Yes what?” his grip on your face tightens and he furrows his brows at you.

“Yes, daddy.”

“Good.”

His tone is dark and seductive and it sends jolts through your chest. He reveals what he has hidden in his hand behind his back; silky red ribbon. Your eyes widen as your mouth drops open ever so slightly. He smirks at your expression, making his way around the bed silently and crawling up to kneel behind you. He firmly grabs your hands that are still placed politely in your lap and moves them to sit behind you. You feel the soft ribbon wrapping tightly around your wrists and sigh at the feeling of the smooth fabric rubbing against your skin.

You feel him finish off the knot off and press a kiss to your shoulder before he makes his way in front of you again. Your eyes trail up his figure as he watches you. You feel your core aching as you take notice of the outline of his hard cock in his tight slacks. You sigh and wiggle a bit on the bed, getting impatient for his next move.

“You look so pretty like this,” he murmurs while his eyes take you in. “Tied up and waiting for me.”

His fingers start unbuttoning his shirt as his eyes remain on yours. His gaze is unfaltering and intense; confidence dripping off of him. He shrugs the white material off his shoulders and reaches for the buckle of his belt. He tugs the band off of his hips and places it on the bed next to you. You hold back a groan as he slowly unbuttons his pants and tugs them down his legs, revealing his flushed member.

“Like what you see, princess?”

“Mhm,” you nod quickly, wanting him to get to it. He smirks at your response.

He steps closer to you, your face level with his cock. He’s rubbing himself in front of you as he smirks down at you, cockily. Your heartbeat is thumping in your ears as you drown in anticipation.

“Wanna see those pretty lips wrapped around me,” he whispers, pushing the tip to your slightly parted lips.

You press a kiss to his slit as you look up at him. His hand is still rubbing his member as you kitten lick the tip of his aching cock. Shawn’s other hand makes its way into your hair, resting on top of your head and tugging you forward gently. You take his hint and wrap your lips around his tip. You press your tongue to the underside of his warm cock and swirl it around. His brows are furrowed as he watches you suck on his sensitive tip.

His grip on your hair tightens, signaling that he wants more and who are you to deny that? You inch your mouth further down his length until he’s just about to your throat. You bob your head, sucking your cheeks in and moaning against him. His head is thrown back and beautiful sighs leave his lips.

“Come on babygirl, I know you can take more of me than that,” he suggests, gently pushing your head further down on him.

Your fists are clenched behind you as you focus on relaxing your throat. You feel his cock stretching your throat out and you stay there for a moment. He groans at the feeling of your tight throat gagging slightly around him. He pulls out for a moment, letting you catch your breath before he shoves himself back inside.

“Gonna let me fuck that pretty face?” he grunts as he starts to roll his hips. The sounds of your slight gags fill the room as he shoves his cock down your tight throat. His gaze is fixated on your eyes as you look up at him through your lashes. His cheeks are rosy and he groans at the sight of your eyes watering while drool drips down your mouth onto the bed. What a dirty sight.

He continues his thrusts for a few moments before he pulls you off of him quickly. You gasp, trying to catch your breath after his brutal treatment. You chuckle breathlessly, smirking up at him as you lick your lips. His thumb comes down to wipe at your wet chin, tugging your lip in the process.

“Such a good girl,” he trails, staring at your fucked face.

He comes back behind you, untying your wrists and rubbing at them gently to soothe them. He tosses the silk ties to the side, deciding he wants you to feel him tonight. All of him. He rubs your tight shoulders for a brief moment as he kisses your neck. You relax at the feeling of his warm lips dressing your neck in wet kisses.

“I want you to lay back for me,” he whispers in your ear, sending a chill down your spine, “spread your legs.”

You comply quickly after he shifts on the bed, standing up. You relax back into the mattress and bring your knees up a bit and spread your legs wide for him. You lick your lips and wiggle on the bed a little bit as you watch him walk to the end of the bed, eyeing you like you’re his pretty. You catch his eyes trailing up from your stilettos up to your center.

He’s crawling up the bed, eyes fixated on your wet core. His normally bright hazel eyes are clouded and lustful now. When you catch sight of his hungry eyes, you giggle at him. You feel a slight cockiness fill your head when you realize how weak he really is for you. His face doesn’t move but his eyes flick up to you, glaring at you, wondering what you find so funny. His dark eyes stay trained on yours, squinting a bit as he lowers himself onto his stomach and starts pressing kisses to your warm stomach. Your muscles contract at the feeling of his teasing kisses trailing down towards your center, dripping for him.

His warm lips trail across your stomach, hip to hip, and his breath fans lightly against your skin. You sigh and close your eyes as you feel him tease you.

“What do you want princess?” he inquires, knowing damn well what you want. You decide an attitude is far from what he wants though and conclude that if you just be good, he’ll give you exactly what you want.

“Your mouth, Shawn” you whimper, “please.”

“Mmm, what was that?”

“D-daddy,” you stutter, realizing your mistake, “I want your mouth, Daddy.”

You glance down at him and see him smirking up at you.

“Mmm, that’s right, dear.”

His teasing continues only for a moment before you feel his hands reach the fold of your knees, pushing your legs open even wider for him. He presses a few kisses to your aching clit before inching his tongue out to slide against you. You whimper and feel your stomach clench at the sensation.

His tongue is rubbing wet circles against your sensitive nub and you’re absolutely reeling. Your back arches as Shawn’s lips suck your clit up into his mouth and pop it out a few times before he returns to flicking at it with his tongue. Moans vibrate against you as he grunts at the feeling of your hands pulling at his wild curls. He can’t help but rut his hips slightly against the bed as he focuses on pleasing you with his mouth. Even though he was fully in control, his goal was only to please you.

“Love this pretty pussy,” he groans, detaching his mouth from your core to stare down at it in amazement, “all mine.”

You whine, “All yours.”

He’s quick to dive back in and you’re absolutely lost in the feeling of his mouth, completely unaware when his long fingers wedge themselves inside of you. Your whimpers have turned into full-fledged moans, choking out into the quiet air. Shawn’s digits curl up and thrust into your spongy spot as his mouth continues to work you. You’re tossing your head around as you wither at the pleasure, unable to keep your composure.

He feels you tightening around his fingers, silently signaling to him that your high is approaching and he pumps for a few more moments before pulling off of you completely. He watches in amazement as your core clenches around nothing.

“Mmm, babygirl, you’re throbbing,” Shawn mewls, his eyes divulging in the delicious sight.

You’re whimpering and trying to pull him back to you with your heels, aching for your stolen orgasm, but he’s got other plans for you. He sits back on his knees before he wraps his strong arms around your legs, tugging you closer to him. Your thighs are rested upon his as his hands rub your hips as you lay on your back.

“P-please daddy,” you plead, grabbing at your breasts, aching for the release he’s so torturously denying you.

His lips have crashed against you, all tongue and teeth, moving in time with yours.

“Please what, love?” his nose grazes the shell of your ear, nipping at your earlobe. You shiver at the contact. “What do you want?”

You grumble, rolling your neck and pouting, suddenly frustrated with his teasing, “You know what I want, now give it to me.”

“Mmm, now that’s no way to talk to Daddy, hm?” he says turning his head and squinting his eyes down at you. A hand snakes up to your neck, gripping just beneath your jaw and pressing into your skin. You moan out as a delicious pressure fills your head as he squeezes gently.

His grip on your throat tightens a bit and you feel him rut his hips into yours, creating a beautiful shock of friction.

“I thought you said you were gonna be good for me? Naughty girls don’t get what they want,” he whispers, darkly into your ear. You shudder at the feeling of his grip. “Lay on your stomach. Now.”

The proposition was a demand, not a request and you knew that. You flipped quickly on the bed, feeling him straddle your thighs. Shawn’s hands took purchase on your ass, pawing at you, firmly. He squeezed your cheeks in his hands and spread you open. A growl leaves his chest as he looks down at you.

“Love this ass,” he says, “Too bad I’m gonna have to spank it.”

Your breath hitches as you realize what he’s doing. A storm of butterflies has festered in your stomach as you anticipate the first smack. His large hand raises and slaps across your right side. You tense up, groaning into the blanket beneath you. You feel your wetness dripping onto the bed and you wiggle your ass for him, prompting him further.

“Mmm my dirty little girl likes to be spanked, doesn’t she?” he murmurs darkly, squeezing you in his hands.

“Fuckin’ love it, Daddy, keep going,” you beg.

“You’re not supposed to enjoy your punishment but since you look so damn sexy, I’ll let it pass.”

He alternates hands for the next few minutes, slapping your ass red. Each one hurts a bit more but you love the painful bite. You feel his rock hard length pressed against the back of your thighs as he continues your punishment, eventually coming to a stop after he’s satisfied. You sigh as you feel his weight leave your thighs.

His hands grab your ankles, just above your heels and yank you quickly so you’re flipped back onto your back. You giggle in surprise and he smiles down at you as he crawls up your body. Your smile sends electricity through his soul and he swears his knees go weak for a moment.

“Love that laugh, dear. You’re so fucking gorgeous," he whispers into your lips, pressing a deep kiss to them. You hum and rub your hands up his bare chest, feeling his light dusting of hair and eventually settling your arms around the back of his neck.

His body leans into yours, effectively pushing his length against your center. You whine a bit, suddenly impatient to feel him. He continues to rut his hips against you, effectively teasing you. You almost slip up and tell him to get to it, but you decide to bite the words behind your lips. After a few moments, his desire overpowers his wish to ease and he finally pulls away to sit back on his heels and slide his pink tip against you. He swirls it around your clit for a moment, wanting to hear you beg for him. You choke out a moan at the sensation and grab aimlessly at him.

“What do you want?” he mutters; his voice raspy and deeper than normal and suddenly very close to your ear, “Beg for it.”

“I want you to fuck me,” you whine, wiggling against him, “God, please fuck me, Daddy.”

“Mmm, you want me to fuck you, babygirl?”

“Fuck, yes. Please, please, please,” you pant as his tip moves faster against your clit.

You gasp as he slams into you without warning, bottoming out instantly. Your stomach clenches at the tight fit and your eyes widen. He gives you a fraction of a moment to adjust to his size before he starts rocking his hips into you. His pace isn’t slow, but it’s not particularly fast either. Shawn wants to make sure you feel it all tonight. He wants to make you feel good. He wants to remind you.

You sigh at the feeling of him slipping in and out of you and close your eyes. His hands are gripping your hips firmly, holding you in place as he slowly picks up his speed. The sound of his hips slapping against yours echoes off the walls and the groans leaving both of your mouths blend with it to create a sinful harmony.

“Such a good girl takin’ all of me.” his voice disrupts, “That’s my pretty girl,”

His hands leave your hips in favor of moving to your tits where he squeezes you tightly. Shawn’s hips don’t stop rutting into for a second as he smacks your chest, watching your tits bounce against his abrupt slap.

Sweat is gathering on his forehead and his flushed chest. His cheeks are rosy and his mouth is hanging open slightly as he moans into the air. Your eyes stay on his rosy cheeks and those damn lips. They were pink as ever and if he wasn’t fucking you so well you’d be attached to them right now.

His abs contract as he slams into you at a brutal pace. You’re whining mindlessly, not particularly making any sense. Your breathing is jagged and you roll your head around, drunk on the pleasure Shawn is providing.

“That tight little pussy is squeezing me so good,” his dark stare bores into your eyes, “I wanna fuck it all night.”

“Do it then, Daddy.” you say playfully, “Love the feeling of your cock filling me up.”

“Gonna make you come over and over on my cock, babygirl. Sound good?”

There’s no time to respond as he switches his angle slightly, making a high pitched yelp fall from your mouth as his tip hits your sensitive spot. You nod your head quickly, words failing to slip out of your mouth.

His hands slot under your knees and throw them over his shoulders. He grunts at the feeling of your stilettos scratching against his back.

“These heels are so fucking sexy. You’ve been driving me nuts all night, kitten.”

“Mmm that’s the goal,” you giggle, biting your lip while you arch your back.

Shawn throws his head back as he feels you clench around him, his adam’s apple protruding deliciously. You prop yourself up on your elbows and peak down at where the two of you meet. His length is glistening with your juices as he slides in and out of you with ease.

“Look how pretty that pussy looks, takin’ my cock,”

You whine at the sight of his hand reaching up to rub your clit quickly. The added friction was just what you needed to go hurdling towards your release. He lowers himself to dress your neck in hot kisses, dragging from your shoulder to your ear. Your senses are overcome with all of him. In this moment, he is everything.

“Gonna cum, babygirl? Cum on daddy’s cock, give it to me” he chants into your ear, encouraging your impending release.

You let go at the sound of his smooth voice praising you. His pace falters slightly as he feels you throbbing around him but he’s determined to hold out longer for you. He told you that you would cum multiple times tonight and he was always a man of his word.

Your eyes rolled back into your head as you embraced the euphoric feeling. Choked moans left your chest incessantly and Shawn could feel his cock throb at the sound. His thrusting eventually slows a bit after he helps you ride it out, and he pulls himself out of you, giving you a moment to collect yourself.

You’re lying on the bed, absolutely spent. Your breathing is slow and deep, trying to come back down to earth. You close your eyes for a moment but are interrupted by Shawn tapping your hip.

“Lay on your side. Now.”

You comply and quickly roll onto your side, still a bit lost in your bliss. One elbow props you up and you look behind your shoulder as Shawn slots himself next to you, spooning your body.

“Leg up,” he demands, cupping your thigh with his hand and propping it up. He grabs his member and swiftly slips in back inside of you. You whimper at the little pop it takes for him to slip in. He grunts and hisses once he’s slotted all the way inside of you, “Fuck, baby, you’re so tight I barely fit.”

“Mmm, you’re so thick, daddy.” you whimper as he begins his strokes again.

“This pussy is what dreams are made of, Jesus fucking Christ. Could die like this, babe.”

The angle he’s working you at is surprisingly heavenly. His body fits perfectly against yours and he feels so close. His thrusts aren’t quite as fast this way but they feel intensely intimate. You can feel his breath fanning across your shoulder as he slots his face in the crook of your neck. Warmth radiates off of his body, transferring to yours.

The world has fallen away and you’re completely relaxed against his strong body. His long fingers have made their way back to your clit again, swirling wildly. His sighs are close to your ear, sending shivers down your spine. His lips continue working against your neck and he nips at your earlobe.

“Love you so much, babygirl,” he whispers, “don’t forget it.”

You melt further into him, his sweet words sharply contrasting the filthy situation.

“I love you too, Shawn”

His nose nuzzles into your hair and you close your eyes, listening to the sounds falling from his lips. He’s trying so hard to hold out for you, wanting to prolong your pleasure. He shifts a tad, finding that spot again and quickly sends you over the edge.

You wiggle against him, your second orgasm hitting you like a tidal wave. The sound of your cries takes his breath away and he’s determined to hear it at least once more tonight. Pleasure pumps through your body for a few moments and he’s quick to get you on your knees the second you’re done. He shows absolutely no mercy as his tip rubs against your sensitive core, getting ready to slip in once again.

“Shawny, I’m so sensitive,” you whimper, pulling away from him slightly.

His hands grab your hips and roughly pull you back to him.

“You’re gonna give me another one, sweetheart. I gotta remind you who makes you feel this good.”

So that’s what this is about.

Fuck, he’s hot when he’s jealous.

A hand slaps across your ass and you flinch at the feeling, body jolting forward a bit. Shawn’s fingers slip down to rub against your over-stimulated nub and you go weak in the knees. You fall forward, face mashing against the mattress as his fingers spiral against you.

“Sound good, love? Gonna cum for daddy again?”

You nod quickly, your cheek pulling against the mattress you were laid out on. Another slap meets your skin and you groan.

“I need you to say it, baby.” he searches for your verbal consent.

“Yes, Shawn,” you whine, eager to feel him again, “Make me cum on your cock again, please.”

That’s all he needs to bury himself back inside of you. The position you were in made you feel a bit tighter and you winced for a moment as he started moving. Soon, the pain subsided and his pace picked back up to an unbelievable speed. Your jaw was slack as his hips collided with yours. His hands were situated on your waist and he was holding you as-if you would disappear at any moment. His composure was beginning to falter and his moans slowly turned into choked mewls.

You turned your head to attempt to look at him and the sight was beautiful. His head was thrown back, exposing all the valleys on his long neck. His adam’s apple protruded through his smooth skin and his lip was tucked under his straight teeth. His mouth falls open as he picks his head back up to look where the two of you meet. The sight of your wetness soaking him sends chills down his spine. He can’t believe how lucky he got with you.

He catches your eyes and smirks at you before he slaps your ass.

“Like that? Does my good girl like to get fucked from behind?”

“You feel so fucking good like this, daddy, fuuuuck” your voice bounces as his body collides with yours.

“You get so tight after you cum. You feel like fucking heaven.”

You start to meet his deep thrusts, tossing your hips back to meet his pace. He maintains his efforts for a few moments but eventually lets you take what you need of him. He’s absolutely beside himself as he watches you work him.

“Fuuuck, babygirl. That’s it, fuck yourself on my cock,” he growls, “you look so gorgeous like this.”

Shawn lets you go on like this for a bit before he snaps out of his daze. He’s determined to stay in control tonight. He’s determined to remind you who you belong to. Nobody could make you feel this good.

His hips double down, somehow rutting into you even faster than before. You fall silent for a few moments, unable to process how amazing he’s making you feel. Your legs are shaking slightly but his large hands hold you in place, firmly. His mind is consumed by you. Nothing could ever take you from him. No one. He knows he doesn’t have to prove himself, but God is it fun.

“Gonna cum again, baby? I can feel it,” he grumbles while his hands rub your hips and waist. Your words don’t seem to form as high whimpers tumble off of your lips.

“Who makes you feel this good?” he growls, thrusting harshly.

“You do, Shawn,”

“That’s right, only I can fuck you like this,” his dirty words fall out of his mouth like silk, “only me.”

“Only you, Shawny.”

Moans fill the air as you both reach your final highs of the night. Your center throbs around him, milking him for all he’s worth. His chest heaves as he empties himself inside of you. The sound of heavy breathing soaks into the air as you both come down from your explosive highs.

His hands rub across your back as he pulls himself out of you. You sigh at the loss, feeling your juices dripping out of you and down your legs. His fingers spread you apart and his hungry eyes divulge in the dirty sight. You giggle innocently as you push some of it out. It takes everything he has to stop himself from making you go for another round. He smacks your ass playfully and you lower yourself onto your stomach.

Shawn slips off of the bed and makes his way into the dimly lit bathroom for a moment. You bite your lip as you observe his naked figure walking back into the room. He notices your stare and giggles, “Eyes to yourself, pervert,”

“Mmm, rich coming from the man that just made me cum 3 times.” you wittily reply.

“Damn right I did,” he smiles cockily. “Lay on your back, open your legs.”

“Just can’t get enough of me can you?” you giggle, turning over for him. He rolls his eyes and crouches down onto the bed.

“Just wanna clean you up.”

He gently wipes up your mess, paying special attention to be careful with your sensitive core. You smile down at him as you observe his tender care. A kiss is pressed into your tummy before he moves to toss the cloth into the hamper. He stops at your dresser, snagging one of his big t-shirts for you along with a pair of panties and some boxers for himself.

He quickly slips into the black boxers, stumbling over to the bed. You’re still laid across it, spent after your session.

“Can you sit up for me, love?”

You comply and sit up, pressing your lips out and silently asking for a kiss. He smiles and delivers, giving you a soft peck.

“Arms up.”

You lift your arms and he slides the shirt down your arms and over your head, draping you in his favorite shirt. He has you lay back and he tugs a clean pair of panties on you and quickly plops himself on top of you.

His arms squeeze your waist as his head burrows into your neck. You hum at the feeling of his weight on top of you, providing you with a sense of comfort. He melts into your embrace as your small hands run up and down his back. He always gets so soft after the two of you finish; a stark contrast to his dominant demeanor in bed.

“Bubba?” you chirp quietly.

“Hmm,” he hums into your neck, suddenly sleepy.

“You okay?”

“Mhm,”

You frown a little, shifting under him to prop your head against the headboard. He stirs on top of you, avoiding your gaze by staying buried in your neck. Your hand slowly comes to a stop on his back as your mind became preoccupied.

“Are you still upset about Matt?”

He sighs.

“I don’t know, I guess.”

Your frown grows and your hand moves to continue rubbing his soft skin in a feeble attempt to comfort him.

“Yeah?” you inquire, prompting him. He hesitates, still buried in your neck. He feels like he could die of embarrassment if you look at him.

“It’s dumb.” he sighs, trying to avoid the topic.

“If it’s upsetting you, it isn’t dumb.”

His grip around your waist tightens.

“You’re just mine,” he starts. You wait a moment, seeing if he’ll explain further, “I don’t wanna share you.”

“You don’t have to, baby. I’m yours.” you reason, threading your fingers into his hair and pressing a kiss to his forehead.

“I know, that’s why it’s dumb. I don’t want you to think I don’t trust you or anything. I just didn’t like seeing him touch you like that.”

You hum, resting your face on his head. His legs are tangled up with yours as he pecks your neck.

“He was just drunk. I’m sorry though, bubby. I didn’t think it would happen.”

His head pops up suddenly, his brows furrowed as he shoots you a confused look. Your eyebrows raise, confused by his sudden movement.

“You don’t have to be sorry for anything,” he blurts, concern lacing his soft voice. “I’m the jealous asshole boyfriend. I should be the sorry one.”

You giggle at his serious tone, smacking his bare shoulder lightly, “whatever,”

“Seriously! I shouldn’t be jealous. I trust you completely. I just got a weird vibe. I don’t know,” he trails off at the end, laying his head back down in your neck.

“I know you do. I love you more than anything and there’s nothing on this earth that could ever take me from you.”

He smiles against your skin, cheeks warming up immediately.

“I love you. Forever.” he murmurs, lifting his head to press a kiss to your lips.

“I love you too. Forever.”

The moment slows again, your bodies resting against the other. The conversation shifts, the two of you decided there was nothing to really talk about. You know he trusts you, and you know he’s not truly jealous. He just got a little territorial and you couldn’t blame him.

“So, what happened to that ribbon you used to tie my hands?” you giggle, switching the conversation.

His eyebrows raise at your question and he blushes, getting worried that you didn’t enjoy it. It wasn’t the first time you’d done anything like that but he still got a tinge of worry.

“Um, I just wanted to feel you,” he slowly states, “w-was it okay?”

“Mmm more than okay. So sexy,” you giggle, stroking his hair. “Just thought you’d use it again.”

“Maybe I will sometime,” he hums, dressing your neck with kisses.

His kisses trail your skin lazily, “Mine.”

“Yours.”

[adenei]

The Mixtape Mishap - Chapter 2

Christmas at the Burrow

Ginny woke up Christmas morning to a pile of gifts at the foot of her bed. She immediately began opening them. When she opened the gift from Hermione, she saw Hermione’s note saying she’d be there for New Years. “Yes!” Ginny said out loud. She examined the muggle music player and CD thingies that Hermione had given her. She’d have to ask Harry for help setting it up, and keep it away from her dad who would no doubt have a field day with it. 

Ginny was chuckling at the thought when she noticed the envelope she was meant to give Harry. She felt another envelope slip under the one for Harry. “Hmm..’RW Bad Blood’. She didn’t mention anything for Ron, but this must be for him..” Ginny shrugged and carried the two envelopes downstairs with her. Her mum was busy making breakfast.

“Good morning, dear!” she said cheerily. “Happy Christmas!”

“Happy Christmas, Mum! Thank you for my gifts! Is no one else up yet?”Ginny asked.

“Just waiting on Ron and Harry. Breakfast is almost ready, so I’ll have you go up and get them if they aren’t down by then.” Ginny nodded as she went about helping to set the table. “Ginny, did Hermione ever tell you if she’s coming for New Years?” Mrs. Weasley asked.

“Yes! She’ll arrive on New Year's Eve via floo. Remember, Mum, we can’t tell Harry or Ron if she does come. She and Ron aren’t on good terms..” Ginny reminded her.

“Is it because of that girl he’s seeing?” Mrs. Weasley asked seriously. “I really always thought..oh, nevermind, he’ll come to his senses eventually.” 

“One can only hope,” Ginny muttered under her breath.

“What’s that there?” Mrs. Weasley asked, noticing the envelopes Ginny had set down.

“Oh, they’re for Harry and Ron,” Ginny said. “Want me to go get them?”

“Yes, I think it’s about time. Thank you, dear,” Mrs. Weasley said.

Ginny grabbed the envelopes and brought them upstairs. When she got to the top landing she knocked on Ron’s door. “Breakfast is almost ready! Are you lot up yet? I have something for you,” Ginny called from outside the door. She could hear Harry laughing hysterically about something.

“Er, yeah, come in,” she heard Ron call.

Ginny opened the door to find Harry holding a box of maggots and Ron’s face redder than normal. “I’m not even going to ask,” she said as she rolled her eyes.

Harry nodded towards the box he’d just closed and said, “Kreacher,” as Ginny nodded in understanding. “Ron got the best gift from Lav Lav,” he said as he fell into a fit of laughter again.

“Oi! Sod off!” Ron said. “What do you want, Gin?” 

Ginny handed Harry and Ron the envelopes. “These ended up in my gift,” Ginny said.

“A CD?” said Harry. “How are we supposed to listen to these?”

“Hermione got me a walk-thingie to play them on. You’ll be able to help me figure it out, right Harry? She knows I like wizard rock so she got me some muggle rock music to listen to. I’m sure it’ll be great once I figure out how to use it.”

“Sure! I’ve used Dudley’s old ones before, so it shouldn’t be too hard. Her note says the music on mine is the same stuff you have, just not as much.” Harry was skimming her note.

Ron had been silent the whole time, staring at his envelope. “Are you sure this is for me?” 

Ginny shrugged, “It has your initials on it, so I assumed it was for you. If we get the music player working, you can use it to listen later if you want. We should probably get downstairs before Mum comes for us.”

* * *

That evening, Ron walked upstairs to his room while Harry and Ginny were figuring out Ginny’s gift from Hermione. He figured now would be a good time to examine his envelope from Hermione in private. She hadn’t spoken to him in weeks, so he wasn’t expecting anything from her. He was surprised that Ginny had handed him the envelope.

 Life was weird without her. Sure, snogging Lavender was fun, but after a couple of weeks, it was starting to feel more like a hassle spending time with her. Lavender just didn’t get that he needed to get his work done. He needed space, but she wanted to spend every waking moment with Ron. And now, with that horrid gift, Ron was realizing he barely knew anything about Lavender at all, or vice versa. What was worse, is that he wasn’t sure he wanted to learn more about her. He found himself missing Hermione more and more, but didn’t know how to make amends with her. 

Ron knew he’d agreed to go to that party with Hermione, but then the row with Ginny happened, and the jealousy resurfaced over Krum, and things slipped out of control from there. Fast forward to now, where he was in some sort of relationship with Lavender that he was starting to second guess. 

He opened the envelope and saw the piece of paper inside along with the, what’d Harry call it? A BD? Ron took out the paper, but left the disc until he could listen to it. He still wasn’t sure how you ‘listened’ to that. It made no sense to him. He unfolded the paper and read the top: ‘Attempt #36 to get over him’. What? Why would she send me this? Ron asked himself. Get over me? No, there’s no way Hermione actually fancies me. That would be too good to be true. He continued reading the paper that had her handwriting. 

The words kept jumping out at him and the theme was clear, even if the numbers and the underlines didn’t make sense. With the paper in hand, he bolted down the stairs. He needed to hear what the rest of those songs said. Now.

He entered the living area where Harry and Ginny were still listening. Ginny looked up and saw the look on his face and paused the device. “Everything okay, Ron?” Harry looked at him, too.

“Er, yeah. Listen, can I use the music thing? I really need to hear what’s on the BD.”

“CD?” Harry corrected.

“Ron, we’re listening right now, can it wait?” Ginny asked.

“Please, Gin? There’s only-” he looked down at the paper in his hand, “nine songs, I think. I promise you can have it right back. I just- I need to figure out what this means,” Ron gestured to the paper.

Harry and Ginny shared a look. “Um, I guess so. Did you leave the CD upstairs?”

“Yeah…” Ron answered.

“Alright, I’ll come with you and show you.”

When they got to his room, Ginny noticed the paper again. “What’d she write on that? Harry and I didn’t get anything like that.”

“I don’t know, that’s why I want to hear the music. It makes no sense.”

“Can I see it?” Ginny asked.

“Er, I guess” Ron said as he handed it to her.

As Ginny read through it, she felt a sinking feeling in her stomach. There was no way Hermione meant for this to be seen. Oh no, oh no, oh no… she thought. It’s too late now, I have to help him. Maybe, just maybe, he’ll come to his senses and do something about it, and then Hermione won’t kill me. I’ll just play dumb. Yes, that’ll work, right?

“So?” Ron interrupted her thoughts. “What do you think?”

“Well, I think you’re right about the numbers. That’s how many songs - see the 9 on the screen here? I’d guess the underlined words are the titles of the songs, and the quotes must be lyrics.”

“Right, thanks.” Ron said as Ginny walked him through the buttons. He really just had to press play. “I’ll bring this right back to you once I’m done, promise.”

Ginny got up to leave. She stopped when she got to the door and turned around. “Ron? Please don’t make this worse, okay?” She left before he could respond.

Ron began listening to each of the songs. The first few were sung by a male and the rest by a woman. It was clear in every song that the singer was singing about someone else that it sounded like they were in a relationship with. Or was, he wasn’t quite sure. It was becoming clear to him though, that the words Hermione had written had to do with how she felt. 

The gates had broken to the feelings he’d been trying to suppress for her, and he knew there was no hiding them anymore. He had to end things with Lavender. He couldn’t keep lying to himself, or to her. Ron brought the music player back downstairs and returned to his room. He pulled out parchment, and began writing a letter at his desk.

Lavender,

I hope you had a happy Christmas. Listen, I’m really sorry to be doing this now of all times, but I don’t think this is working out. I don’t want to lie to myself, or to you. The past few weeks have been fun, but I haven’t been interested for the right reasons. I’m sorry if I led you on. I’m also sending back the gift you got me, as I really don’t deserve it, especially now. I hope we can still be friends. 

Ron

Ron read and re-read the letter. He’d never broken up with a girl before. He knew doing it through a letter was shitty, but he didn’t want to wait until he got back to school. He had to focus on making up with Hermione, and he couldn’t do that while Lavender was still in the picture. Ron repackaged the necklace Lavender had gotten him. He handed the letter and package to Pig. 

“Bring this straight to Lavender Brown, okay? I’ll give you extra owl treats when you get back.” He watched Pig fly out into the night. Hope she doesn’t send me a howler, Ron thought, as he flopped back down on his bed, rereading the paper from Hermione.

[haloud]

into the palm of your hand ch. 2

- ao3 -

Jake is tall. That’s the first and only thing Michael notices about him. He has to unfold himself out of the chair to avoid banging his knees on the bottom of the table, and when he manages and pulls himself up to height he towers a good six inches over Alex and Michael both. He has a nice smile, too, if you’re into that sort of thing. And he’s beaming as the two of them approach, comes out to meet them with his hand already outstretched to shake, and Alex takes it, Jake pumping his arm up and down while he grins so big his face must be killing him. Michael hangs back to let the reunion happen, hands in his pockets, thumbs in his belt loops so he can tug at them with all the nervous twitching in his hands.

The restaurant is nice, but not too nice, not even by Roswell standards. Jake’s clearly made an attempt with his clothes, but his attempt is a business-casual button down with the top button undone and the sleeves rolled up to reveal his tanned forearms. His slacks are pressed and neat as a pin, but Michael won’t judge too harshly for that. His hair is still close-cropped like it was Halloween of 2009. He’s…yeah, he’s handsome, in a normal and kind way, an honest way that reminds Michael of the smell of the old hayloft in the summer and the feeling of straw on his back and warm hands exploring his body on a scratchy old blanket. Michael doesn’t trust easy, but if Jake’s calling up memories like that, he can let himself relax a little bit.

“Jake, this is Michael. My boyfriend.”

“Hey,” Michael says, taking Jake’s hand. His handshake is a little more subdued than the workout Alex got, but Jake is still firm and eager, and he hasn’t dropped that grin of his.

“Thanks for coming! I was a little worried when Alex said he’d like to bring you—thought I might be signing myself up for the third degree or something—but when I found out it was the same Michael I knew I had to meet you.”

“The same Michael?”

“Yeah.” Jake winks at him, and Michael’s eyebrows go up. “I’m happy for you guys.”

“Uh…thanks?”

“Should we sit?” Alex cuts in. The tips of his ears are bright red, and Michael’s eyebrows climb even further towards his hairline.

“It really is so good to see you,” Jake says as they take their chairs.

The second they’re seated, Alex grabs Michael’s knee in a vice grip, nails digging into the denim. His hand is a little sweaty, clammy when Michael covers it to try and settle him. Is Michael being here part of what’s making him so nervous?

“Gotta say, I was surprised to hear you re-upped this time,” Jake continues.

Alex clears his throat. “Yeah, well…you know how it is.”

“I do. And if nothing else, I’m glad it’s giving me an opportunity to work with you again.” Another ready smile follows right on the tail of the last one, even if this one is a little more subdued and sympathetic. “How do you feel about it, Michael?” He takes a sip of water, and his muddy hazel eyes are suddenly hawklike over the rim of the glass.

“Uh.” Alex’s hand digs into him harder, and Michael rubs the back of his hand with his thumb. Jake hasn’t even opened his menu yet; he watches and waits for his answer with that smile on his face and something dangerous in his eyes. “Uh,” Michael glances over at Alex, who is laser focused on his glass of water, face like stone. “Well, I mean, it’s what he—what we thought was best at the time, and since he was able to get it in his contract that he’d be staying put for a while, I was…fine.”

Oh, you know, I’m still working through the soul-crushing guilt that not only did Alex sell more of his life to the military to help me and mine but also I that I was too busy trying to drown myself in household chemicals to talk about it with him, but every relationship is a work in progress! Anyway, I’m an alien who’s wanted by the same government you serve for blowing up one of the black site prisons they use to experiment on my people and also for existing, how’s your mother in law doing?

“Fine, huh?”

“Jake,” Alex says.

“Okay, fine, I’m being a little intense. I’ve got family who don’t get why I stay,” he directs to Michael, then to Alex he says, “I got in a huge fight with Sarah over it, like, five hours before I got on the plane. Sorry for being weird.” He laughs and looks genuinely contrite.

Michael tries to relax, but Alex doesn’t lose any of the stiffness in his posture. He does at least stop squeezing Michael’s knee like he’s trying to rip his kneecap off, though, and Michael massages the back of his hand again.

“How is Sarah?” Alex asks, then to Michael he explains, “Jake’s sister.”

Jake shrugs, his massive hands coming up in an exaggerated ‘what can you do’ gesture. “She’s doing well. Divorced and remarried since the last time you saw her. Went back to school and got a teaching degree, and she’s real happy with the new guy, so. It’s just we still don’t see eye to eye on most things. But I’m happy for her.” He fishes his phone out of his pocket and holds it out to them, flicking through an album of pictures of what looks to be Sarah’s wedding day. From the pictures, Michael wouldn’t be surprised if she was even taller than Isobel, so it must run in the family. The last one in the album is of Jake on the dance floor with a guy in a matching vest, the two of them chest to chest and mouth to mouth, off in their own little world.

“That’s Rohit, my boyfriend. He couldn’t get away from work to come out here with me, but he’s visiting for the first time in about three weeks.”

Michael makes a sympathetic noise. “That sucks for you guys. Been together long?”

“Almost five years, right?” Alex says. “After you had your appendix out, wasn’t it?”

“Okay, the pictures are going away now,” Jake replies, his skin showing a blush way brighter than Alex’s does, “Didn’t realize I’d be roped into telling that story just for showing off my guy but okay I see how it is.”

Alex grins his sharp grin, finally looking up, and after one last brief squeeze his hand comes off Michael’s knee. “You should have been more prepared then, Lieutenant.”

“Let’s just say that the man I love is as patient as I am susceptible to the aftereffects of anesthesia and leave it at that, huh?”

Alex laughs, a true rocking-back-in-his-seat laugh, and it sets Michael fully at his ease, most comfortable letting Alex lead the emotional tone of the conversation. With the tension finally cut, Michael lets himself lean forward and rest his chin on his palm, watching Alex talk, letting the conversation flow over him without cutting in while Alex reconnects to his friend, talking more with his hands, laughing more easily. Jake seems kind of contagious that way, a smile and a laugh for everything—and he doesn’t try to freeze Michael out of the conversation, either, even though Michael is content to just sit there and not really listen and watch Alex talk and move. He’s gorgeous tonight, his shirt open a little at the neck, his long-fingered hand back on Michael’s knee, warm and caressing this time.

The conversation flows for a good couple hours. Michael is a convenient audience for them to share stories and relive them a little bit over again. Even when they’ve paid the bill and are getting up to leave, it’s with promises to do this again when Rohit is in town and Michael smiling to himself with a wry little smile because he’s the double dating kind now and goddamn if he isn’t happy about it.

Then, when they reach the parking lot, Jake stops.

“Hey, do you mind if I borrow him for a couple minutes before we head out?” Jake asks, inclining his chin toward Michael. Alex raises an eyebrow and glances between them, and Michael just shrugs his agreement.

With a bemused smile, Alex says, “Sure. I’ll be in the car.” He gives Michael’s shoulder a squeeze as he passes, and Michael looks around to watch him go, eyes on his back until he slips behind the driver’s side door.

Michael shoves his hands in his pockets for lack of anything else to do with them. If Jake wants to corner him to read him the riot act or tell him he’s not good enough for Alex or something he could have at least had the decency to do it somewhere Michael had something to lean against or sink into, to hold him up or have his back.

“You got the height advantage, but I’ll warn you—I’m scrappy,” Michael drawls.

“I’m…not going to hit you? What the hell, man.”

“Just like to be prepared. I got one of those faces.” Michael gives Jake a grin and a wink, but all Jake gives back is a concerned look starting to border on shrink-y, so Michael hurries on, “What’s up?”

“Okay. Okay.” He takes a huge breath like he’s psyching himself up for something. “There’s no socially acceptable way to say this, really, so I’m going to jump in.”

“I’ve never been socially acceptable a day in my life. Shoot.”

“Okay.” He takes another huge breath. “The first guy I loved was killed in a drive by when we were eighteen.”

Michael rocks back a bit at that, at the ice-cold awkward shock of someone else’s old grief. His eyes go huge and wide and he scrambles for something to say, something that’s different from the plain shit people spout.

Jake doesn’t wait for him to find it, though. “He was coming out of a club and a car jumped the curb and it was just…over. There was no real way to know if it was a hate crime or if the driver was just drunk. I was two hours away at school. We didn’t talk every day, so I didn’t even know for two weeks. His parents wouldn’t even let me go to the funeral, because I turned their son gay, and if he hadn’t been at a gay club then he’d still be alive.”

“Fuck, man.”

“I know. And I’m sorry to dump all that on you, but it’s important for what I need to tell you. It’s why I joined the Air Force in the first place—I was lost, depressed. I couldn’t keep going in school and I couldn’t stand the thought of going back to my hometown where everything would remind me of him, so I dropped out and joined up. And then I met Alex.”

Michael coughs to hide the catch of his breath. He can picture it so clearly—the way Alex looked with his hair shorn and his dark, dulled eyes set straight ahead, like the way he looked when Michael hid behind the neighbor’s car and risked getting hauled in for trespassing or—caught—so he could see Alex off that day he left to report for training.

“I was—I mean, I was a mess. Could barely keep it together. Kept getting everyone in trouble because of it, and he was so…when he cornered me one day, I honest to god thought he was going to kill me. But he helped me instead. Taught me how to keep my head down and survive, and I just…my story just came out. And after that, I didn’t know why until way later when he finally told me about what happened with his father before he enlisted, but we just kind of clung to each other.”

And again, Michael is relieved that Alex wasn’t as alone as Michael was, that even as tangled up and hurting and hollow as he must have been, he had someone to help him, someone to share that piece of himself with even when it was against the law. Michael owes this man, even if he wouldn’t accept it, even if Alex would deny it too. Michael’s in his debt.

“We dated for a little over a year before we broke up because we didn’t have a whole lot in common other than a little bit of shared trauma. If you haven’t noticed, I’m kind of chatty.” He winks. “And since I’d already spilled my tragic backstory, I wanted to talk about Jordan, like, all the time. Things I missed. Regrets I had. Fears. And Alex was a great listener…but not so great at reciprocity. He’d never let me in, never let me take any of his burdens on. Made me feel like a real dick. But there’s one thing he did let me do. Insisted, actually.”

“You don’t have to tell me this,” Michael says. He leans back as far as he can go without actually taking a step back, trying to give Jake space, trying not to look too interested. He’s hungry, yeah, for any scrap of information he can get about this part of Alex’s life. But if Alex wants him to know, he has to trust that Alex will tell him. It took a massive government conspiracy to get Michael to open up the first time. He can’t be overly critical of Alex’s struggle to do the same.

“I think I kind of do, actually.” Jake shoves his hands into his pockets and lets out a long breath, steaming the cold night air. “I don’t know if it’s for me or if it’s for Alex or what, but I think I should tell you this. You know…I look at him and I still see that nineteen year old kid. My escape. The only gay guy I knew, the only person who knew my grief. It’s not especially healthy. It’s a big part of the reason we’ve been avoiding each other for half a decade. But yeah, I think I need to do this for him more than anyone else.”

Well. What’s Michael supposed to do with that? At seventeen Alex had big, expressive eyes and he licked his lips as a nervous habit and Michael could have sat for hours in the too loud violent cafeteria watching him paint his nails from four tables away. He didn’t know Alex at nineteen, not really, but Jake did. And Michael wants to honor every version of Alex everywhere.

He sends a quick text: Jake caught me up talking about the good old days. You ok with that?

Alex types, then erases, then does so a couple more times before a reply finally comes through: I love you. Tell him I said thank you.

Michael slides his phone back into his pocket. “Okay. Hit me.”

“It’s just this.”

Jake holds out his phone, open to his contacts. And right there: Alex’s Michael.

Michael’s fingers tremble, just slightly, as he reaches out to take it, to hold it in his hands and marvel over it and what it could mean.

Jake shoves his hands back in his pockets. “I’ve had you in my phone for nine years. Don’t know if the number’s any good anymore, of course. But you were the one thing…he never wanted to talk about the past. He never wanted to talk about you. But before we deployed, he asked me…if anything happened to him, if I would talk to you. Tell you he was sorry. That he was always thinking of you. ‘Hear his voice for me one last time.’ That’s how he worded it. I’ve never been able to forget those words.”

Michael’s mouth is too numb to form any words at all. He’s all—cracked open, Alex has reached inside his chest and pried his ribs apart. Michael used to write Alex letters and burn them in his fire pit because smoke becomes air and particulates travel on the wind and there was as much chance of Alex breathing him in from a world away as there was him opening any letter Michael sent him. Then there are the letters he kept, the ones full of hope and pain and—Michael kept them, just in case, like he kept one of Alex’s too-small black hoodies, so that he’d have something to bury if the nightmare came to pass.

Alex’s Michael. It’s there like teardrops smearing the ink off his ten cent ballpoint pen. It’s there like a cotton sleeve held to his cheek on a sleepless night.

“You don’t have to say anything,” Jake says, slipping his phone out of Michael’s limp hand. The man has a smile for every occasion, and the one he’s wearing right now is sweet and sad. “I really am just so happy you guys found each other in the end. It was really nice to meet you, Michael. Thanks for helping me keep a promise, yeah?”

And with a jaunty two-fingered wave, Jake turns around and heads for his car, those long legs eating up space so quick that before Michael can process him leaving, he’s gone.

His phone buzzes: Just saw Jake’s car leaving. Everything ok?

Fine. Headsd yiour way, he responds. It takes him four tries to type the message even that legibly, his hands are shaking so bad.

He nearly jogs across the parking lot, fumbles with the handle before he can yank the door open and climb inside, climb over the gearshift still clumsy and needy to stuff his unsteady hands into Alex’s pockets.

“Hey,” Alex croons, cupping the back of his neck when Michael ducks in to rub his forehead against his shoulder, sawing out rough breaths in the space between them.

“Hey, it’s okay,” Alex says, holding him close. “Whatever he had to say, it’s in the past. I’m here. You’re here. We are.”

There was a time when Michael laid on his back and begged the sky to let him stop needing Alex Manes, and there was a time it broke him that the begging didn’t work. And now he’s here, with Alex’s voice present and physical in his ear, the whole biological process of speaking, from the vibration of his chest to the movement of his throat and lips and tongue to the way his breath blows past the outside of Michael’s ear, and he’s home. He’s not alone.

“Michael?” A little bit of fear creeps into Alex’s voice, so Michael pulls back to look at him, blinks away the wobbly film of tears in his eyes.

“I just. Love you. God, I love you,” Michael rasps. He’s never going to stop saying it, now that he’s allowed, and it’s never going to feel any different. Like ripping the Band-Aid off a cut that’s all healed and feeling fresh air on the skin beneath.

“I love you too,” Alex whispers back, a kiss pressed to Michael’s temple, his other hand coming up to grab his waist.

“Take me home,” Michael says, but he doesn’t let go, not to let Alex drive or for any other reason, not for several long minutes.

[darklingichor]

Carry On by Rainbow Rowell *Major Spoilers*

I wrote a little about this book last month, but I want to write more. This is one of those books that has been lingering in my brain so what follows will be long and rambling.

Now, I haven't read Fangirl I've been pulled more toward action adventure and humor in my fiction, for a while now. Hmm, I wonder what could have happened a few years back  that would cause a Pacific Northwest liberal to feel the need for escape? Just one of those things, I suppose.

I need to read it, if only because I wrote Harry Potter fanfic for years and sort of lost myself in it right after high school.

Anyway.

I've heard people calling Carry On an HP knock off. I don't get this. Simon Snow is obviously Fangirl's Harry Potter. That makes Carry On more of a tongue in cheek homage to HP and stories like it as well as something of a love letter to fanfic writers.

A lot of the main characters start out as your standard for this type of story. "The Hero", "The Mentor", "The Damsel", "The Enemy", "The Unspeakable Evil."

Through the book it becomes clear that our hero is well meaning but ill-suited for the role that his mentor thinks he place him in. The mentor is shown to be unhinged. The damsel is sick of screaming and doesn't want to be in the story at all. The enemy is love sick for the hero and dealing with the puberty from hell. The unspeakable evil, isn't. Its just an unforeseen byproduct of the mentor's plan, in which, the hero, is a pawn.

The book plays with archetypes and I read some of them as being fairly meta about their expected place in the story.

Agetha, especially, seems to know her role and resent it. She's who is saved by the hero, whether she likes it or not.

Baz is so certain of his role as "The Enemy" that until his role flips, he's sure his destiny is to be killed by the person he's in love with.

Simon knows his role so well, he's on auto pilot as a defence mechanism. He's either going to die, or he'll get a stock Happily Ever After. He doesn't even allow himself to think too much about what really matters to him, because he knows his life isn't really his.

I would have loved this book because of everything I wrote above, but add to it the nods to fan contribution? It was enough to make me remember my old ff.n login!

I don't know if Rainbow Rowell researched fan fiction but I figure she must have.

I mean, the things I saw played with and reshaped in Carry On, are fanfic tropes. Rowell took things that grew out of fans having fun with their favorite characters and made them canon.

Main character going out with an exchange student, pop culture references, evil good guy, and:

Four words: Draco is a vampire.

Sure, not every fic that used these were the best, but so what? Many were sincere.

What better way to go to Hogwarts as a person raised outside the UK than to live though an OC in an exchange program?

It was weird that no one in the wizard world listened to muggle music, watched movies or TV. Even the muggleborns? I'm sorry, but I was in the same age range as the characters. In fact, if Harry were real, he would be three years older than me. You can't convince me that there were not at least a couple of muggleborns who were  sending an owl a week to remind their parents to tape Friends or My So-Called Life.

There were a fair few stories where Dumbledore or even Harry turned out to be evil. Even before we found out Dumbledore wasn't a saint. It can be fun to play with expectations and Dumbledore was too perfect for too long.

The vampire thing? I mean, why not? Either Draco or Snape. It fits enough for a fic, and you can get some fun stuff out of it. Besides Hogwarts allowed a warewolf, why not a vampire?

The point is, this book reminds me of some goofy fics I read but also reminds me of some that I sometimes have to remind myself aren't canon, because fan fiction can be amazing.

Example: It has been years but I still remember a great fic that someone wrote about Uric The Oddball's years at Hogwarts. I don't remember much about it off hand but I do know that if I re-read HP, when Uric is mentioned, I think of this story like it is something that is actually in the history of the series. (Dude, I googled "Uric the Oddball fan fiction" on a whim. Popped right up: Uric the Oddball and the Wild Hunt by Ariana Deralte. Guess I shouldn't be surprised! Maybe I should read it again to see if it's still as good as I remember).

So yeah, Carry On is so not an HP knock off and has a number of things that I think make me like it more.

The first one is diversity. It is very nice to have it explicitly said in the text that characters are of different ethnicities, sexualities, and abilities. Watford is a far better representation of a population than Hogwarts is, outside of fanfic (It wasn't there, people wrote it in).

Then there is magic itself, it comes from somewhere it's in the environment, it has to do with celestial alignment, people give words power to channel that energy.

That brings me to something that made me adore the world building here.

The actuality of Simon Snow's universe is that Mages cannot exist independently without the Normals. Without the Normals giving weight and meaning to turns of phrase, rhyme and songs, the Mages couldn't do what they do. Add to that, this means that magic is ever evolving and the Mages must learn about and be a part of, to some extent, the Normal world. This makes Mages who look down on Normals seem even more ridiculous.

I also think this book handled romance better than Harry Potter. I don't know what it was but the relationships seemed awkward and strained in HP. Maybe it was because most of it was shoved into one book, like Hogwarts's water supply was spiked with hormones? I don't know.

What I do know is that even though Simon and Agetha are going through the motions of being together in this book, they still feel like two people who have been dating for a long time.

We don't get a lot about Penny and her boyfriend, but the way she is described talking about him reminds me of how my best friend would talk about her boyfriends when she was visiting me. The way she would go on, you'd think that he was on the moon instead of 90 miles away. I bought that Penny and her boyfriend enjoy each other's company.

And the biggie. Simon and Baz

I almost didn't read this book for two reasons. First: Vampire main character. I love vampires, but I lived through the deluge of Twilight, True Blood, and Vampire Diaries, not to mention that every other book seemed to be about vampires. Even though I didn't watch or read all of them, I just got vampired out.

Second: I have never been one for the whole "enemies to love interest" thing. The Harry/Draco pairing never spoke to me.  Not that I never read fics that managed that ship well, it was just not my favorite, probably because I just never liked Draco.  I tend to prefer romances that are built on friendship (Remus and Sirius dated each other at some point, and nothing can convince me otherwise).

All that being said, I like the Simon/Baz pairing.

I like that Baz freely admits to the reader that a lot of his tormenting of Simon is pigtail pulling.

I like that Simon is more or less: "I like a guy? A guy who was my nemisis? That's new, let's go for it."

There's none of that "Hate turns to love" shit that I personally can't stand.  None of the "I am evil, yet his light draws me" or "His darkness is so seductive"

Baz isn't a villain needing to rethink his position. He's a slightly snobby guy with a lot of family pressure, who is in love with a dude who has been set up as opposition, by the adults in his life.

Simon isn't a good guy wanting to be bad. He's a guy who is following the path set out for him without giving context to his feelings with thought, because he doesn't think. So, when Baz doesn't show up at the first of the year, Simon knows 3 things for sure:

Baz is his enemy

His enemy is not there

He feels very uneasy about it.

Why?

See numbers 1 & 2

This equals out to "plotting" in Simon's mind because that's what enemies do.

It doesn't dawn on him that he was actually missing Baz and that he has romantic feelings for him until later

I also like the interaction between them. Again, I buy that they like each other. The simpler moments, like sharing food, or being flirty. It also makes sense that Baz is so nervous and guarded about the relationship. It fits that they would bicker and argue while trying to figure every thing out.

The relationships feel authentic.

In fact all of the relationships between  the characters feel authentic.  The sibling relationships between Ebb and Nicky, I know siblings that close. The interaction between Baz and his little sister, I know people like them too. The Friendships; in my opinion, too few friends in fiction are depicted messing with each other or being lovingly annoyed by each other.

I've known my two best friends most of my life. Not a day goes by where one of us doesn't say something that if it was said by anyone else, it would lead to a fight. Said by us, it's funny, or at least something we can't argue with.

So I related when Baz's friend complained that he had wasted his childhood hating Simon now that Simon and Baz were no longer enemies and Baz said: "What else were you going to do with your childhood?"

I spent my 20's with my friends seemingly taking turns crashing at my apartment. I spent most of my time ossulating between wishing they would go home and being glad they were there.

So at the beginning of the book, when Penny won't leave Simon's room? I saw myself in the way Simon felt about it.

That authentic and relatable quality was what I really liked about the quiet - if not Happily Ever After - then the Attempting Normal For Now ending each character got.

Well, as normal as you can get with a story involving  mages, vampires and powerful Elton John songs.

I am a dodecahedron of geekdom, btw and the classic rock side jumped up and down clapping hands at all of the music references (and giggled when Carry On was fallowed by Wayward Son which will be followed by Anyway The Wind Blows). 

And now we come to the reason I have not read the sequel even though it is sitting in a bag with the rest of this year's Powell's haul.

From what I have read, Wayward Son is, at least in part, about what happens after Happily Ever After and ends on a cliffhanger. 

After Happily Ever After with a cliffhanger and no release date... Yeah, that will drive me crazy. I haven't even read the second book and I'm already thinking about the third. Aw man! Who dies? Who breaks up? Who becomes evil?

So, even though road trip stories are right up there with time travel stories as one of my favorites, even though I love the idea of showing a character battling depression, even though I love these characters, period; Wayward Son will stay unread until I run out of new books to read, or the next book's release date is close. Whichever comes first, because I want to think of the characters in their quiet ending ending for a little while.

[justanalto]

quarantine tag game

i was tagged by @crazyrichfilipinos (hi and ty!) 

1. Are you staying home from work/school?

yup. no school, no temp assignments...just a big ole unemployment void. so this is what it’ll be like when i’m older. 

2. If you’re staying at home, who’s there with you?

the other three members of my family and the voices of everyone my mom calls on the daily. 

3. Do you have pets to keep you company?

no, and i really wish i had at least a hamster. a dog would be preferable. i’d even take a cat.

4. What do you miss the most?

i miss a lot of things. i think mainly i just miss having a sense of purpose? i got caught in the unemployment crossfire (without actually being able to file for unemployment welp) and everyone else in my house is learning online/working while i’m just kinda...floating around doing nothing. 

5. When was the last time you left your home?

march 14. i went to the gym and picked up some picture frames from ikea, and the next day began the stay-at-home advisory. the last time i physically left the house was about two weeks ago, when i went photographing, touched the ground and subsequently panicked about getting sick for the next week. (this was fueled by my mom’s reaction and i know she’s right but also still it’s a Lot)

6. What was the last thing you brought?

overcooked and overcooked 2 for steam baby! they were both on sale and i’ve just been playing with my friends. about to buy jackbox 5 tho cause it’s also on sale and might debut it at my possible zoom grad party.

7. Is quarantine driving you insane or are you finally relaxed?

i have never been less relaxed because literally every anxiety is in play every single moment of the day

8. Are you a homebody?

i used to be! then i went to college and all that stuff. home is a great base to touch in on every now and again, but being home requires me to take up a specific role that i’m not comfortable being in for the rest of my life. i also fell in love with travelling, so...no, I guess? i’m a homebody in the sense that I enjoy quiet nights in. but other than that let me out of here please i’m begging you

9. What are movies you have watched recently?

PORTRAIT OF A LADY ON FIRE. THE GAY. oh! and saving face, because bitches can’t WAIT for the half of it! it’s me. i’m bitches. 

my ultimate goal is to work through the list of movies i want to watch (snowpiercer, parasite, knives out, to all the boys 2, etc.) and then work my way back through the movies i haven’t seen in a long time (princess diaries 1 + 2, all three Lilo and Stitches, camp rock)

10. An event that you were looking forward to that got cancelled?

just...everything. commencement ball. commencements parts I-IV. the acapella concerts I was supposed to see my friends at because it was their last hurrah. the conference where I was supposed to present the thesis project that stripped me of my mental health during my last semester of college! my friend and I were supposed to go see AJR in may. we were all supposed to throw grad parties. class of 2020 really got gypped y’all. the start of a marketing position i’d just secured with a temp company. 

11. What’s the worst thing you’ve had to cancel?

probably commencement. it was supposed to be a last hurrah with my friends because I wouldn’t have hung out with them since i left uni the semester before. our crowning achievement, if you will. the defining moment that said yes, despite every piece of drama and every bit of trauma along the way, we made it and we’re ready to fuck up the world. the crowning glory. and now all of that’s been stripped away and instead, society’s just going to throw us into the dry pool called the job market. commencement was supposed to be the breath of air before we went back to trying to swim against a current. now it’s just a continuous struggle that won’t be made better because no one can retire. plus the market, which is normally fucked for creatives, is going to be extra fucked because no company has ‘money’.  

12. What’s the best thing you’ve had to cancel?

uhhhh...i mean i guess when you put it that way, it would be the research conference. i was not ready to turn my brain back into academic mode. 

13. Do you have any new hobbies?

not new hobbies per se...just re-picked up a lot of old ones? knitting, writing, photography. folding stars. all sort of muscle memory things you can do while binge-watching TV. i’m in the process of making jars of little stars for my senior friends because they’re ‘senior stars’! cue ‘we’re all in this together’. 

but in all seriousness (and cheesiness, sorry guys) i wanted to make them something that was decorative and cute and reminded them that they were important. like stars. and just as like. a present. ‘cause they deserve that. 

14. What are you out of?

serotonin, dopamine and a will to live, almost. i’m so tired y’all.

15. What music are you listening too?

mostly my current music playlist, but i’m trolling my friends’ playlists too. i am repeating “complicated” from sex&drugs&rock&roll, though, mainly because i’m resonating with it so deeply to the point where i want to cry. and am unable to. as one does.

16. What shows are you watching?

a lot of the shows i watch ended production early so that’s really no more for grey’s...ok basically just grey’s ended early but i’m still watching 9-1-1 because they’re still producing regularly. b99 is too but I think they’re just about to wrap up. i’ve been meaning to start the recent season of odaat but i’ve just been watching the old episodes on netflix because idt we can get poptv. 

i started rewatching victorious, i’m at a pause with dynasty and sex&drugs&rock&roll mainly because of formatting. does anyone have any tv recs? 

17. What are you reading?

i’ve been meaning to start into the interior by michelle cliff, and after that i’d really like to re-read ‘i hate everyone but you’ by gaby dunn and allison raskin. i’d like more gay books tho.

18. What are you doing for self care?

watching a lot of the try guys. in the middle of trying to reset my sleeping clock tho.

19. Are you exercising?

i....am. mainly because not exercising makes me feel worse about myself and i can already sense the hell i’m going to catch if I don’t look good for my cousin’s wedding. (we’re gonna assume it happens.) 

20. How’s your toilet paper supply?

when we first started this whole thing, i looked in the basement and uh...let’s just say we’re gonna be pretty okay for a while. still hasn’t stopped me from monitoring my sheet usage though.

21. Have you made any changes to your hair during quarantine?

i cut my hair short just before quarantine, actually! so i’ve sort of been revelling in that. if this goes on for a while longer i might trim it myself, just because i would rather stay short than go long again for the sake of my own sanity. 

tagging: @agentmmayy @peacequack @lalalyds2 @the-writer-girl-nerd and anyone else that feels like doing this lovely quarantine tag or is slowly trying not to go insane

[bolbianddolanhouse]

BNHA self insert AU [Book 2]

Beginning of Book 2 Read here to catch up!

Chapter 12: What Was the Reason?! WHAT WAS THE REASON?!

Currently, I’m about one bad interaction away from slapping the shit out of Toei. He’s improving but not in the areas I need him as a team. It’s July and we’re training at the USJ (aka, The Death Dome) again. Not too excited to be in the dome again.

“...and as for you two,” sensei stood in front of us, assigning areas “You’ll be in the rocky area with the non-quirked villain.”

I sighed as Toei got pumped “Oh boy! We’ll win this time!”

“Whatever you say chief” I was just feeling dead inside with all the easy assignments that Toei could barely survive.

“Miss Iida, can I talk to you for a quick moment?” asked sensei to pull me aside. “I know you’re not having the best time, I see it and I’m quite tired of this low ranking too with your ability. But this is the last one before the partner switch, if Toei doesn’t perform well, he’ll have to take the reevaluation exam. So please hang in there!”

That was some hot tea, I was taken back a bit “Will do sensei, I hope he’s better prepared this time.”

“Alright, that’s good to hear!”

I walk over to the rocky area with Toei, trying not to think of the fuck ups he might do. Instead I make sure my ribbon wands and silk obi were in place.

“Hey Iida-san!” Toei snapped me out of my concentration “If we win this one, I’ll take you out to some DDR at the arcade.”

I narrowed my eyes, knowing FULL well he’s gonna fuck it up “If I say yes, will you put in more effort to actually win?”

Our classmates within earshot reacted to that roast. 

“That was ice-cold Iida-san!” “Oof she got you there buddy!” “YES BITCH! CALL HIS ASS OUT!” were some of the things they said.

That roast went over his head “I always put in the most effort! I’m confident that we’ll win and move up this time.”

We get to our zone and the enemy gives us no time to think. Immediately we were bombarded with rocks. I had to think fast! 

“Okay Toei, if you can-”

 “I’M GOING IN!”

“NO!” I screamed as I saw him Naruto run toward the villain on the higher ground “Damn it! Toei are you crazy?!”

“I got this!” He looked back at me, giving me that cocky smile and thumbs up.

I had two options, let him get rekt on his own so he can learn from his stupidity OR I go scoop him up and tell him my strategy. At first I sat and watched him struggle but then the villain brought out a stun gun and I KNEW that I had to go in for the rescue. I ran and jump high enough to get my ribbon lasso for the save. But at the same time, I got in direct line with the stun gun that was meant for Toei and I got a direct hit in my face. I blacked out after that...

-At a nearby hospital-

Lili was snatched out of the air before her body hit the ground by a USJ staff and was rushed to the hospital. Nobody is sure if that direct hit was lethal or not.

“Oh my baby” cried out her mother as she pushed through the nurses to get by Lili’s side “I was so worried that something like this could’ve happen! Why my baby? Why today!?”

“Be strong Ita” soothed Tenya, also trying to hold in his strong emotions “I’m upset too, but lets not cry yet.”

“Too late” whimpered Iwata as tears rolled down his face “is Lili gonna be okay?”

“Daddy, please tell me Lili is gonna wake up?” whimpered Hanaka, pulling at his sleeve.

“Lili, quit playin’! Wake up!” Oro begged as he shook his older sister’s leg “I can’t look at her like this, it’s so hard.”

Tenya didn’t know what to do or say, this environment was overwhelming him and he couldn’t stay strong. “I-...I don’t know” he managed to stammer as tears fall from his face “What can I do?! Nobody told me it was going to hurt like this! I just want my daughter to be okay.”

Her mother put her hand on Lili’s face “It seems like everything is normal, stun guns cause rapid brain activity. And she’s experiencing that.”

“I was just about to say that!” said the doctor “But it seems like you’ve caught on to the main diagnosis.”

“So what did you find?” Asked her mother.

“To make things brief, there’s no brain damage” explained the doctor as he put brain scans up on the light box for everyone to see “nor brain trauma, thankfully. But we are noticing that her brain is taking a while to readjust, so what will happen is that she’ll have mild amnesia” he sat on his padded stool “So don’t be too surprised if she doesn’t remember you right away, it will go away on it’s own but if you re-jog her memories or have trigger objects that’ll bring back her memories, the better.”

“What a relief” Tenya sighed and wiped his tears “She does take a while to recover from anything.”

“As soon as she wakes up, she’ll be discharged” responded the Doctor “She’s still young and strong, so recovery will be fast. I will warn for her to be more careful next time! She’s fortunate that the stun prongs pierced her shoulders and her mask deflected the other prongs that could’ve been much more lethal.” He stands up “I’ll be coming by again in an hour to check up on her.”

“Thank you doctor” responded Ita as the doctor walked away. She turns to the others “You heard him, she’ll be fine. Now we pray to the higher power for her fast recovery.”

“All Might?” blurted Tenya, serious faced.

“What? No! To GOD!” exasperated Ita “What the fuck is the spirit of All Might gonna do?! Detroit Smash from the spirit world to revive her?!”

“All Might’s spirit can suck my ass!” huffed Oro.

“He can suck a caterpillar dick!” Iwata added.

“Can we not slander All Might?!” chopped Tenya “Your sister is trying to re- HANAKA!”

“What? Oh is it a crime that I found the wheelchair?!” Hanaka sneered as she popped a wheelie.

Tenya pinched the bridge of his nose “This family is so chaotic, I can’t sometimes.”

“Remember when you said you wanted as many children as possible?” Ita sighed as she propped up her head with her hand “And how much you cried when they were born? Is it sinking in how much chaos you brought into this world and raised them?”

“I’ve been aware” he rubbed his temples as the two boys joined their little sister in wheelchair tricks “Curly hair and rebellion may be the dominate traits, but I still love them.” he sighed “Because they remind me so much of their mother, whom I love the most.”

“Aww babe” Ita cooed as she levitated the three kids, preventing them from speeding away with the wheelchair “Love you too!”

The family decided that they wanted their privacy and not have visitors. Instead, Tenya put it upon himself to watch over Lili until she wakes up. Ita had important matters to attend to for her company and Iwata was going to be taking care of things at home. Everyone was concerned for Lili’s well-being, sensei didn’t tell the class out of respect of her parent’s wishes. Pretty much only her immediate family and honorary family knew of her condition.

-3 days later-

“Lili, I’m back” softly spoke her father as he sat at the chair at her side “It’s Tuesday, so mom might swing by for a bit if she gets out early enough for visiting hours.”

At this point, Lili still hasn’t woken up nor moved. So Tenya has just been talking to her in hopes that she could hear him and wake up.

“You know, your mom was also hospitalized in 2nd year. And I feel all those worried feelings all over again.” He leaned on the railing of the hospital bed “I’d whisper my feelings to her and give her sweet kisses, like she’d wake up when I did.” He sighed and stroked her hair “Will today be the day you wake up? Everyone is getting awfully worried. But lets see if you like what I brought today.” He pulls out a book from his satchel “It’s one of your mom’s classic literature novels, Little Women. I read a book to your mom when she was like this and she remembered listening to me reading it” he opens the book “So maybe this might work too...ahem, Chapter one, "Christmas won't be Christmas without any presents," grumbled Jo, lying on the rug...”

He didn’t have to read too far into the book before Lili woke up. Eyes watering as the hospital lights were stinging to her eyes, she groaned as she stretched her body.

“Nnnh...thirsty” she hoarsely uttered.

Her dad quickly reached for the ice water on the tray “Here, drink slowly.”

She could barely see the cup and who was giving it to her, but she sat up to drink out of it. “Thank you” she said as she tried to rub her eyes and saw the IV connected to her “Am I, in the hospital?”

“Yes, do you remember anything?”

“I remember practicing in the yard for the summer showcase” she rubbed her eyes with the other hand “and that’s all...wait, did I pass out because of the heat?!”

“No...wait, do you recognize me?” carefully asked Tenya, trying not to scare her.

She looked at him and blinked “Yeah? You are my dad” she giggled “you’re my dad! BOOGIE WOOGIE WOOGIE!”

Tenya breathed out, relieved “Oh you gave me a scare there!” he gets up “sit tight, I’ll get the doctor.”

She waits patiently, a little confused on why she was there in the first place. Her dad ran in before the doctor.

“Please Mr. Iida” panted the doctor “I’m a doctor, not an athlete!”

“Sorry! I was just excited” apologized Tenya “But look, she’s awake.”

The doctor gathered himself “Hello Miss Lili, how are you feeling today?”

“I’m feeling a little sore and woke up with extreme thirst” she explained “But otherwise, I’m okay.”

“That great to hear! Can you tell me your full name, age and your parent’s names?”

“Um sure? My name is Lili Perla Iida, I’m 15 years old and my parents are Tenya and Itati Iida.”

“Interesting, okay” the doctor muttered as he wrote something on his notes “Thank you, now I’m going to explain what’s going on...” The doctor explained that she was in a training accident and her diagnosis “...so while you might not remember everything right now, you will very quickly with the help of your family” he stands up “so, you’re free to go home and go back to school. Just be careful and I suggest a better head gear to prevent more accidents.”

“Thank you, I’ll be more careful” She said as the doctor left. “Dad, what did he mean by better head gear? Dance isn’t a contact sport.”

“I’ll explain more when we get home” he handed her a change of clothes “Here, your sister chose your outfit since you came in with your costume on.”

She change and got wheeled out of the hospital to go home. Lili sat in silence the whole way home, she recognized her dad’s car and the route home. But what’s missing from her memory?

“We’re home” announced Tenya.

“Welcome home Lili” yipped the robo dog “Mom told me you got hurt and I’m happy you’re home safe.”

“Doggie” she bend down to pet the robo “I remember you for sure!”

“LILI!” screamed the three younger siblings as they stampeded toward her.

“Hi” she managed to say before they group hugged her “huh? Since when did you guys...looked like this?”

“What do you mean?” they said in unison.

“I don’t remember Iwa wearing t-shirts this fitting?” she pointed out “And since when did you get boobs Rosa? And the fuck did you do to your hair Oro?!”

“Huh? I’ve been wearing proper wearing shirts since I started middle school” Iwa explained himself “wait, dad, did she forget years of memories?!”

“I’m afraid so” Tenya responded “She doesn’t remember anything from the last 3 years.”

“Oh fuck, so you don’t remember your friend?” Rosa asked her sister.

“Maru?” she asked “what about him?”

The four of them glared at her in shock.

“No, your other friend...from school” Iwa spoke up.

“I- don’t have friends from school?” she furrowed her brow “come to think of it, I don’t think I have any friends from dance academy either.” 

Everyone look at each other, not knowing how to break it to her.

“Um, lets go sit at the couch and let me explain” Tenya said as they walked over to the living room “Okay, so things look a little different now because you’re not 15, you’re 17 about to be 18-”

“I’VE BEEN IN A COMA?!” screamed Lili.

“NO! You’ve been in the hospital for 3 days and you just have amnesia” her dad took control of the situation “I’ve been watching over you everyday in the hospital and the doctor explained that you just need to get your memories back. And we’re all here to help.”

“So...I’m in high school?” she asked and everyone nodded “And I have friends?”

“Lots of friends!” Her dad explained “you’ve gained the respect of so many and you have your own little dance circle where you Ki Ki.”

“I do?! Wow I sound like a cool kid” she giggled “Where do I go to school? Is it that private arts school in Shibuya?!”

“No...um you” Her dad put his hand on her hand “don’t scream but you attend UA and you’re in the hero department.”

“Oh...I see” she blinked and stood up “will you excuse me a quick moment?” Before anyone could say, she dashed to her room to look through her things. And she found her admittance letter along with all her rejection letters from the schools she applied to. She sat on her bed and tried to remember anything, but couldn’t, so she cried.

“Lili, it’s okay” Rosa said in the doorway “you wanted to go to UA, trained for it and everything” she slowly made her way next to her sister “you even got in without the recommendation of our parents! You went in to flip the script on what our family is known for and changed your ways to become a hero.”

“I wish I could remember” Lili wiped her tears “You guys say all this but nothing is coming back to me. This sucks!”

“Maybe mommy can help when she comes home from work” the little sister said as she tugged on Lili’s sleeve “come outside and eat oranges with us.”

“I am hungry” she stood up “okay, lets go.”

She spent the rest of the afternoon trying to distract herself from everything until her mom came home. Nothing seemed to spark anything until dinner.

“Lili? Are you alright?” her dad asked worriedly “You haven’t reached for the pizza.”

“I remember something” Lili replied, eyes wide “You upgraded my phone on a pizza night, at around Iwa’s birthday.” She looked her dad “If you say I am in high school, then I must have memories on my phone!”

“That could help, but mom has your phone for safe keeping” he answered as he served her a slice “You know how paranoid she gets when things happen in the family.”

“Guess I’ll have to wait until-”

Comically on time, her mom came home. “I’m home!” her mom panted as she rushed into the dinning room “Lili! Oh sweet daughter of mine” she brought Lili into a tight embrace “You have no idea how worried I was! Did you wake up alright?” 

“I just woke up thirsty” Lili responded, face squished in her arms “Mom, not to be rude, but can I have my phone? I was just saying that something might trigger my memories back.”

Lili followed her mother into her home office after dinner. The familiar scent of lavender hit her and it triggered the memories she had in there. Once she got her phone and turned it on, a flood of texts rolled in from classmates and people from her circle.

“If you’d like, you can stay home for summer break” suggested her mother “if going back is going to be overwhelming.”

“No, I want to go the dorms” Lili said with confidence “My journey to who I became started at school, because if I did make up my mind to be a hero and threw away my dream of being a dancer, then all those memories started there.”

“Alright Lili, when do you want to go back?”

“Hmmm, on Friday? Is that okay?”

“It is, I just gotta let the school know.”

And so I went to my room to check if I had any pictures, most of them were just selfies and videos of some crackhead activity outside (from what I assume is my dorm room) window. So much for helping me, gotta take more pictures of my friends! I clean out my inbox and see that this one contact I have saved called “Hoshi 💫🌟”. I scroll through our text history and it’s like I text them a lot! Is this the friend Rosa was trying to talk to me about? Wish I had a picture of them but it seems like our texts were saved all the way back from December, almost 7 months ago! I decided to give it a rest and get ready for bed. I lay in bed but I couldn’t sleep, like something was missing from my sleep routine. Did I add something while I was away from home? Needless to say, I didn’t wake up totally refreshed. The little things triggered my memories as I did my everyday routine and, after 4 days, I remembered up to the day I quit the dance academy to go to UA.

“Mom, do you think everyone will be patient with me?” I asked as mom was driving me to the dorms “What if they trick me or take advantage?”

“You have nothing to worry about! Everyone will help, or at the very least your circle of friends and teachers will” Mom replied, glancing over at Lili’s face “Hey, why don’t we go to a McDonalds before?!”

I get excited “For two cones and a number two combo with Sprite?!”

“Yup, glad to see that your excitement for secret McDonalds is still there” chuckled Mom as she took the left turn into the downtown area “The usual I see.”

“You know that’s been my order since I was old enough to speak!” I wiggled in my seat and looked out the window “McDonalds! McDonalds! Gimme McDonalds!”

Thankfully there was no line at the McDonalds and I enjoyed my two cones before pulling up to the dorms. I grab my bag and my drink before following my mom into the building, nothing was coming back to me yet.

“This way Lili, we have to talk to your teacher” Mom pointed to a door “Hopefully he’s not too wrapped up to talk.”

I watch her knock on the door and the sound of somebody falling off something responded along with hasty footsteps “Yes? Oh! I wasn’t expecting you two so soon!”

“Ha ha very funny mom” I was being sarcastic “How much did you pay Diaper Boy to be in on this prank?”

“Ya know Lili, I might be one of the richest women in the country but not even I’d pay Mr Mineta to be part of anything” my mom sighed and pinched her brows together “He’s your sensei...deadass.”

I nearly choked on my Sprite “No way! No wonder I ended up in the hospital!” I felt offended “You got this purple ball flinging, toddler sized, ketchup-smellin’ teaching the next generation of heroes?!”

“Hey! TO BE FAIR, I wasn’t responsible for your accident” sensei cried out “secondly, words hurt. Both of you have been roasting me for long enough, I am a man and a hero!”

“Yeah okay Diaper Man!” I roasted, which promptly triggered my memory of the first day of school “Oh man, that roast was so powerful that it triggered my memory.”

“Oh thats good! Thats what we came here first for” Mom shifted focus “Minoru, I’m going to need you to help Lili trigger her memories in terms of academics. In turn I propose Lili gets a training break until her memories come back.”

“I will allow it, don’t worry about her getting injured again” he gave his thumbs up “She excused from summer training due to her rescue points, which is this leg of the training.”

“Great! Here’s her updated medical records, please hand them to Eri when you get a chance” Mom hands over a manila folder “I just need to talk to Hoshi real quick and I’ll be on my way.”

“Wait, Mom” I stopped her “where are you going after this?”

“I’m going to do some agent work” she explained “my team has been called upon a lead for a re-opened case. I might be gone for a few days, so Dad will be there for you if you need anything.”

“But, what about me?” I pouted, feeling abandoned.

“I know its a little scary being in an environment you don’t recognize, away from your parents and siblings” She comforted me “Trust me, I know the feeling. But you have one person to rely on at least, and it’s your best friend. Hopefully you remember them after a while.” She pointed to the cat tower “Why don’t you see if Clawford is taking a nap? I’ll be quick!”

I watch her teleport out and I do what she said. She says things like this to make me feel better about her being gone for more than a day, but I still worry. I peek my head in the cat hole and see the chonky cat staring back at me with their bluish eyes. I reach in for a gentle pet and they seem to like me, maybe I spend a lot of time in this area and play with them? I don’t know how long I’ve been petting them but when I turned around, there was a group of at least 10 people just staring at me.

“Um... Howdy!” I greeted awkwardly.

“Oh my goodness! She’s not yelling at us” spoke a girl to another girl in the group “what do we say?”

“Yo Toei-kun is right there, how long until she scraps with him?” whispered the boys.

“ENOUGH! Can’t you see our classmate is back?!” spoke up one of the boys and takes a few steps towards me “Iida-san, welcome back! It’s good to see you recovered and well.”

I blinked and lightly scrunched my face “I’m sorry, but...had we, met before?”

Everyone gasped

“What do you mean? It’s me, Hashima-kun, class representative of Hero class A.”

“Class rep?...Sorry, but I don’t remember” I looked to the others “and I don’t remember any of you.”

Sensei came out of his room to inform everyone of my condition. My mom came back out with somebody before heading out.

“Okay Lili, I’ll be going now” She squeezed me “take care and call Dad for anything! I love you.”

“Okay bye Mommy” I waved “I love you!”

I watch her get in her car and drive off. Everyone’s whispers were getting on my nerves in an unsettling way. It was getting me anxiety and I felt frozen in place.

“Hey, are you okay?”

I turn around to see a tall guy with frosty, blonde hair and icy blue eyes. He was looking at me with gentle concern and that confused me.

“Yeah, um...I was just looking at my mom drive off” I meekly responded “Anyways, uhhhhhh can I ask you a very dumb question?”

Now he looked confused “Sure?”

“Where’s the bathroom? I’ve been it holding in for like 20 minutes now” I whispered, hoping nobody heard me.

“Here I’ll show you” he asked me to follow him. We walked up some stairs and down a hallway “So...memory loss huh?”

“Yep”

“Nothing from the last few years, ey?”

“Nope!”

We arrive at the bathroom “At least you remember me right?”

I run in the bathroom and into a stall before I could answer him. And just when I think I have my privacy, I hear the bathroom door open.

“Lili, you remember me...right?” he asked again.

“Um...I-” I try to not make any bodily sounds “I don’t remember you, sorry.”

“You....don’t remember me?” he responded, voice cracking and trailing off “how can that be?! We’ve done so much together! I’m saved on your phone, we have matching lock screens, you made me this shirt... does anything trigger at least the day we met?”

I flush the toilet and walk out to wash my hands “I wish it did, but it seems like routine has been triggering my memories” I go to dry my hands “and I guess that’s my second question, are you in my daily routine?”

He suddenly gets very coy “Well..um” he rubs his face “I basically never leave your side, we share a dorm room.”

“Oh...” I stare blankly at him as a hard blush rose up to my face “Will you excuse me for just a moment?”

I turn around to walk into a shower stall, closed the door and screamed for a solid 2 minutes. “Okay, I feel better” I cleared my throat as I walked out the shower.

“You know that those showers aren’t sound proof.”

“Kinda wish you didn’t say that” I blushed again “now uh, where’s our room?” 

I follow him a little ways down the hall from the bathroom. He opens the door to a cramped space.

“Welcome back, hehe” he nervously said “anything?”

I look around “Not yet, but this is a bit of tight space” I walk in to see which side is mine “Hey, that’s the vanity I wanted!”

“Well, it is yours” he explained “along with that fabric wall, sewing station on the balcony, that’s your dresser and your half of the slide closet” he then points to the bed with pink sheets “And that’s your bed, don’t worry, I didn’t sit or sleep on it. I know how picky you are about that.”

“Oof, I hate that box spring feel” I cringed at the sound the bed made with I sat on it “damn bitch, we live like this.”

The boy starts howling with laughter “You’re killing me Lili! Good one!”

I watch him laugh and it made me...happy?

“Are we...best friends?”

“We are!” He calmed down to answer me “We’re like a two for one special! We do almost everything together and you understand me the most” he smiled “You’re the most important person in my life, and no matter what, I’ll help you remember everything. Because you never gave up on me and it’s about time I return the favor.”

“Really? I’m important to you?” I questioned “then I trust that you’ll help me through this.”

He smiled harder and glanced at my bag “What’s in the bag? I don’t remember you having that rhinestone bag.”

“This is my old dance bag” I zipped it open “I have my McDonalds in here.”

“Oh? Did you order your two cones, a number two with large Sprite?” 

I froze in place “Whoa, you memorized my McDonalds order?”

“Yup, when we didn’t feel like going to the dorms yet after school, we’d go to the McDonalds and get it to go.” He explained “My order is the number 6 with a vanilla milkshake to dip my fries in.”

“I see, you’re a man of culture as well” I gave a face of approval “Then will you accept this orange.”

“Sure! WAIT!” He stopped himself from taking the orange from my hand “Oranges? Did you-”

I dumped all the contents of my bag on the bed “Pick a bunch of oranges before I came here because our tree was heavy with fruit?...Yes, I did.”

“Oh Lili!” he chuckled “You haven’t changed a bit, I’m so happy you’re back.”

I watch him peel the orange, trying to see if it triggered anything “Hey, not to sound dumb but” I asked as I was eyeing their shirt “what is your name?”

“Hm? My name is Hoshi Togata” he looked up from his peeling.

“Oh you’re my saved contact on my phone!” I picked up my phone “that makes me relieved that it’s you.”

“Yeah, look” he picked up his phone to show me the lock screen “We match, I’m the Big Bad Wolf from Shrek and you’re Donkey.”

“I was wondering why Donkey was there!” I giggled “This feels weird, I’ve never had a best friend before.”

“What about Maru?”

“Oh shit, lowkey forget he exists sometimes” I admitted “but we don’t do things like this. I’d never share my food with him or watch movies.”

“I’ve never had a friend period! You were my only friend for a while because-” he stopped himself from saying it “um, well...that part isn’t important anymore BUT we found more friends!”

I spent the rest of the day trying to figure out things all over again. And when it came for bed, I couldn’t really sleep again because I felt like something was missing. This sucks!

To be continued

<Previous - Next>  

[sonofadeanwinchester]

Little Ray of Sunshine (14)

1 | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 | 6 | 7 | 8 | 9 | 10 | 11 | 12 | 13

Summary: You’re a PA on the set of Infinity War, best friends with Scarlet and Lizzie. But when someone reveals feelings for you, everything changes.

Sebastian Stan x Reader; Chris Evans x Reader; Scar Jo x reader; Lizzie Olsen x Reader

Words: 2164

Warnings: swearing; sex talk; kinda smutty? maybe?

A/N: This story’s plot is fully dedicated to the beautiful @mrs-meghan-winchester! Hope it’s everything you wanted ;) TAG LIST IS OPEN

Tags: @221bshrlocked @marvelouslyme96 @shellymaesworld @titty-teetee @pawallday @chameerah @buckylicious @nerdywitch @teresaoliva20 @guera31 @i-should-probably-be-asleep-rn @ssweet-empowerment @jhangelface0523 @sarahp879 @parkerrpeterr @bxxbxy @mrs-meghan-winchester  @yknott81 @thejemersoninferno @yeahbutmarvel @kaleidoscopez96   angelsofalliteration @badsongwinchester @londonalozzy @lexxxxxxx98  @scarlett-nutshello @beccavesper

“Things seem to be going well with you and Seb.” Scar asks me as she sits in the make-up chair for her day of re-shoots.

I nod, my face flushing. “Yeah.”

Scarlet winks. “You’re avoiding something. You wanna talk about it?”

I sigh. “Two nights ago, I woke up in a heave of sweat, my hands fisted into the bedsheets. I had a sex dream about Sebastian, the fifth since we’ve started dating, and I couldn’t shake it. I went out to the living room, paced the floor a little bit.”

Scarlet was leaning out of her chair, the artist rolling his eyes. “Sorry, Jack.” She leans back and he smiles. “Continue.”

I chew my lip. “My head was against the window when Sebastian came from the bedroom, wrapped in these fucking tight black boxers and nothing else.”

Scarlet winks. “He’s got a good figure.”

I roll my eyes. “Don’t remind me.” I take a deep breath. “I don’t know if you wanna know the rest, Scar.”

Jack, the make-up artist, laughs. “If she doesn’t then I’ll keep listening.”

I roll my eyes. Normally, people would be offended that someone they didn’t know was listening to an intimate story, but I’ve been around Jack for a few months now and he was as obsessed with Sebastian as you were but in a non-sexual way. “Right.” I clear my throat. “We talked for a bit and then he came up behind me, running his fingers down my sweaty arms, whispering how he heard me moaning in my sleep.”

“Hot damn.” Jack rolls his eyes and fans himself.

“I try and deflect the statement but he’s a light sleeper so obviously he’s gonna hear me. Anyway, he then states that whoever I had the sex dream about obviously knew exactly what they were doing. So, of course in my lustful state, I get bold. I tell him that it could’ve been better.”

Scarlet laughs, shaking her head lightly. “God, he must’ve flipped.”

I chew my lip, running my sweaty hands over my jeans. It shouldn’t be so hard to talk about virginity and whatever, especially with your best friend. “Well, I don’t have anything to compare it to.”

Scarlet’s face furrows and then she smiles. “I’m glad you’re saving yourself.”

I smile. “Thank you.” Jack winks and I continue. “So, he says that I’ve got nothing to compare it to and then I say nothing but my fantasies.”

“Jesus Christ.” Jack laughs, dropping the blending brush to sit beside me. “Scar, you’re gonna have to wait. I need to hear this.”

Scar nods. “No worries, Jack. (y/n), continue.”

I sigh. “He asks me what fantasies and, well, they’re unusual so I don’t want him to judge me so I just say the normal fantasy, you know, librarian or a fucking school girl thing. But then he leans in close, whispering. ‘Did I make you feel good?’ As if he already knew it was him.”

Scarlet’s eyes grow wide. Just then the door swung open and Lizzie followed by Chris comes into the trailer. I drop my eyes, flush covering my face. Lizzie’s eyes grow big. “Sorry, are we interrupting something.”

“Actually, I was just tel-”

“(y/n), was telling Jack and I an encounter she had with her lover, Sebastian, from the other night.”

Chris comes to my side. “Did he hurt you?”

I shake my head but Jack pipes up. “Not yet.”

“What the fuck does that mean?”

I pat the seat beside me and he sits. “Chris, if I tell you this story, you can’t let it leave this trailer.”

He nods. “Uh, okay.”

I sigh as Lizzie leans against the chair Chris has sat in and I continue my story. “So after I say what makes it think it’s him, he gets even bolder saying he’s the only one that could ever please me the way I deserve.”

Chris shakes his head, rubbing his face. “Okay, I’m lost. What’s this story about?”

Scarlet rolls her eyes. “(y/n) had a sex dream about Sebastian the other night and he found her all hot and heavy in the living room. He confronted her about it and things got super steamy.”

Chris nods slowly. “Right. Do I wanna hear the rest of this story?”

I shrug. “Stay or leave, your choice.”

He sighs. “Go ahead, I guess. Jack, can you fix my dirt while she’s talking?”

Jack raises a brow. “Mr. Evans, I’m invested in this story as much as Ms. Johansson is.”

Chris rolls his eyes, leaning so his back was flat against the wall, pushing the hat on his head to cover his eyes. “Continue.”

“So then I told him that it’s too bad I have to break his heart because my sex dream was actually about John Travolta.”

Lizzie laughs, throwing her hair back. “Wait, young Grease John or Hairspray John?”

“Is that even a question?” Jack speaks. “Obviously Grease. Danny Zuko is a fucking GOD.”

I clear my throat again. “He’s a little taken back by this so I add that sometimes it’s with Alexander Skarsgard.”

“And deservingly so.” Jack mumbles.

“Could you stop talking, Jack, please?” Scarlet looks at him, irritation on her face. He nods. “Thank you.”

“Anyway, long story short, I told him that sometimes he’s there with us and then other times it’s just him fucking my brains out.”

Chris sat up, shaking his head in disbelief. “You said that to him?” I nod. “Well, sunshine, you ain’t so innocent after all, are you?”

I shrug, a blush filling my cheeks. “So after I tell him that, he steps closer to me, runs his hand down my arm to grab my palm and pushes it against his dick, which is by the way, hard as a fucking rock.”

“Jesus, I’d imagine! Girl, you got him so bad.” Scarlet laughs.

I nod. “And then he’s like ‘see what you do to me’.”

“Oh my god. He’s an actual sex god.” Jack fans himself. “You’re one lucky girl.”

Chris looks at Jack and smirks. “You’ll find your sex god someday Jacko.”

Jack winks. “Is that an invitation?”

Chris shakes his head. “Not right now.”

“So, I laugh and say that I’m glad I have some kind of effect on him. And he comes back saying that it’s taking every bit of strength in him not to take me right there and then.”

“God, the sexual tension is unbearable. Did you finally do it?”

I shake my head. “No.” Lizzie’s face drops. “I told him how I feel about that and he respects it.”

“That’s it?” Chris is listening intensely now?

I shake my head. “I asked him to teach me.”

“Teach you? What, like mathematics or Romanian.” Lizzie cocks a brow.

Scar clucks her tongue. “You’re a naughty girl, little.”

Chris chews his lip. “Sebastian’s in over his head with you.”

I shrug, smirking. “Then he says lucky for me class in session.”

“Oh my god.” Scar stands up and fans herself. “You guys went from playful friends to a full plot of a fucking porn.”

Chris laughs. “You watch porn?”

“A girl has needs, Christopher.”

He puts his hands up in a defensive manner. “Good to know.”

I sigh, running a hand through my hair. “So, now there’s that.”

Chris shrugs. “So, when’s your first lesson?”

I look from face to face and my stomach drops. I just realized I’m actually gonna have to go through with this. In the middle of a sexy second, I asked him to teach me. “Uh, I don’t know.”

A knock on the door breaks our thoughts and the door swings open. Sebastian’s face peeks through and he smirks. “Full house.” His eyes land on me and they darken with lust. “Hi.”

I smile, my face growing scarlet red. “Hi.”

Chris clears his throat. “You weren’t scheduled till an hour.”

He nods. “I know. I’m here looking for (y/n). Can I talk to you for a second?”

I nod, standing to my feet. “Give me a second.”

He smiles, walking back down the steps. “Scarlet, I’m terrified.”

She shakes her head. “No need, love. He’s a great guy and it’s not like he’s gonna teach you how to suck him off right here in the parking lot.”

Chris laughs, running a hand over his beard. “Seb’s a kinky guy. He might actually wanna do that.”

“Jesus, Chris. Don’t scare the girl.” Lizzie slaps his shoulder.

Chris stands to his feet and envelopes me in a hug. “Don’t worry about it, sunshine. He’s a good guy. He won’t do anything you’re not comfortable with.”

“I’m not comfortable with anything.”

Lizzie winks. “Yet.”

Jack stands, leaning Scarlet back into her seat. “Right, well, you go so I can do my job and maybe talk Chris into a drink later.”

Chris stands to his feet. “I would but I’m a taken man. Maybe ask Reggie in design?” Jack’s pierced brows raise and he winks.

I wave my goodbyes as I find Sebastian standing beside the trailer, his pockets in his hands. His eyes are closed and he’s enjoying the sunshine on his face. “Hey.”

A smile spreads across his lips before his eyes pop open. “Hello.”

I chew my lip as my wanders back to my dream and the other night. “I missed you.”

I smile. “I missed you too.”

He smirks. “You okay?”

I nod. “Yeah, I’m fine.”

Sebastian sighs. “If this is about the other night, and I really hope it’s not, but if it is. Then I won’t pressure you into something you don’t wanna do.”

I chew my lip, running my hand down his clothed chest. “I do. Just don’t make me do it here in the parking lot.”

“While we’re on the topic, you wanna reveal those fantasies you have?”

I shrug, kissing his neck. His eyes closed and he moans lightly. “What do you think they are?”

He rolls his eyes as I pull away. “Well, if you’re anything like those people on Tumblr and have a thing for Bucky’s metal arm..” He smiles.

I shrug. “I’m not so much into Bucky as I am his actor. That’s one sexy man.”

He scoffs, his cheeks turning rosy. “Well, I’ll be sure to tell him.” He grabs my hand and pulls me behind two trailers, leaning me against the wall. He plants his arms on either side of my head, cocking his head to the side. “I always took you as a hair-pulling kind girl.”

I sigh, my knees going weak. “Well, I mean, it sounds interesting.” I grab his hand, running it through my hair. He makes a fist and pulls, my knees going weak again, my heart threatening to pump out of my chest. Without realizing it, I let a moan leave my lips.

He smirks. “I’ll take that as a yes.”

I roll my eyes. “What do you like to do?”

He laughs. “We’ll get to that, love. First, we need to find out what you like.”

I shrug. “Obviously hair pulling.” He sucks his lips between his teeth and sighs. “I love the touching.”

“Touching?”

I nod. “Just the little things you do, like run your hands over my legs or arms. Or when you pin me against the wall when you’re kissing me. How your hands roam my body and feel their way through my hair.”

He groans, I look down and a buldge grows between his legs. “Baby-”

I shrug, looking around to see if anyone is watching. “The first lesson, teach me.” I reach my hand forward, palming his crotch. His eyes flutter closed and his breath hitches.

“I-I.” He takes a deep breath. “I don’t think you need any lesson on this.” I roll it around in my hand, adding pressure here and there.

I smile. “Chris mentioned you’re a kinky guy.”

“Jesus.” He sighs, leaning into my hand. “Chris said-” he swallows. “Said what?”

I smirk, kissing his neck as I keep up my ministrations. “Said you were kinky. Like you’d love it if I sucked you off in the parking lot.”

His movements freeze and his blue eyes pop. “Uh-” He’s speechless as he searches my eyes.

I shrug, leaning against the wall. “That’s a lesson for another day, maybe?”

He nods quickly and removes my hand. “I can take care of this.”

I sigh. “Good because I got stuff to do.”

He chews his lip and leans in to kiss my lips. “Fuck, you’re too much.” I make a face. “But in the best way possible.” He fixes his jeans and takes my hand. “Let’s go.”

We round the corner and find the team standing beside the door. Chris’s face is flushed, Scarlet’s eyes are wide and Lizzie stands there a smirk on her face. Chris chuckles. “Next time, maybe go someplace where the windows aren’t open and people can hear you.”

Sebastian’s face reddens and I laugh. “That’s part of the fun though, isn’t it?”

[wowreddie]

Affection

 pairing: Reddie

summary: it’s basically the relation development between the boys. pure fluff.

words count: 3.1k

warnings: curses (F-word, homophobic terms, ect.) slight angst.

notes: listen to “Affection” by Cigarettes After Sex while reading this it’s awesome. I didn’t really re-read so excuse me if some misspelings annoy you!!

Puck.

That noise drew Eddie’s attention.

He hopped from his bed to his bedroom window, only to be welcomed by his stupid best friend, with a handful of rocks in his hand. He opened the window and leaned forward to the fresh October air, looking at the curly haired boy a couple of feets below him.

« What the fuck are you doing here? »

« Oh, Eddie Spaghetti! » he replied, « I didn’t expect you here! I thought your mother would open the window for me! »

Eddie cringed at the thought, as always, but still slightly grinned, so Richie couldn’t see that his jokes secretely kinda made Eddie laugh.

« Shut up, you asshole. What are you doing here? Have you ever heard about a god damn door? »

Richie grinned, ajusting his coke bottle glasses on his freckles dotted nose.

« Just let me fucking in already! »

Eddie rolled his eyes, but opened the window a little wider so Richie could enter his room easily.

They sat on Eddie’s bed, like they usually did every Sunday evening. That was like their little meeting of the week. They usually hung out with the rest of the losers, but they always met up at Eddie’s place on Sunday. They started doing that in the first place because they thought  they didn’t hang out alone enough, they loved their friends but they wanted some best friend time alone. So, the whole week, they hung out with the losers, and on sunday evening, they hung out with each other.

« So, Eddie Spaghetti, »

« Don’t call me that! »

Richie rolled his eyes, but carried on with his question.

« anyway. I brought comics and some coca-cola. Do you have glasses? » he asked, a plastic bag full of paper and plastic in one hand, and his small rocks in the other.

« Yeah, you can wait here. »

Richie dropped the bag on the bed and walked up the window, as Eddie left the room to go downstares. Then, one by one, Richie threw the rocks outside, watching them land on the cold, dirty ground.

« Stop that, you’re going to frighten the birds. »

Richie turned around to see Eddie, standing in front of him, with two empty cups in his right hand.

« Now let’s close this fucking window before I get sick. »

It was now 8pm, and they still had 1h30 before Richie would have to go home.

Eddie was lying on his bed, a comic in his left hand, a half empty coca-cola cup in his right hand. He looked like he was about to fall asleep. His hair was all messy and unkempt. He looked like a mess, and Richie was the only one he didn’t mind to expose himself like that to.

Richie was on the chair, uncomfortably sitting and looking around, not really knowing what to do. He wanted to ask something to Eddie, something he’s been wondering for a long time now, but he didn’t know how to ask. He didn’t wanted the conversation to turn awkward and ruin the moment.

« Hey, Eds. »

« Don’t call me that, Richie, » Eddie reminded with an exasperated sigh.

« can i ask you something? » he seemed nervous, and Richie being nervous wasn’t usual.

« yeah, what is it? »

« Have you ever thought about hum.. well, your sexual orientation? » Richie glanced at Eddie, and he really seemed unsure of what to do.

For a second - well, more like thirty - Eddie didn’t know what to say. of course, he did. he always did. he knew he wasn’t straight. but was he ready to admit it? he pondered for a couple of seconds. was he ready to come out to his best friend yet?

« I mean… yeah, obviously. Everyone has. I’m.. pretty sure im straight. »

« Oh, » Richie simply responded. he sounded… almost disapointed.

« What about you? »

« Um. Well. Pfft! I’m obviously straight! I mean, l-look at me! Do I actually look l-like I’m a fag?

What the fuck? Was he stuttering? No. That couldn’t be happening. His name wasn’t fucking stuttering Bill.

What Richie said really hurt Eddie. It was… rude. I mean, obviously, his question was stupid. Richie was definitely not gay. He was everything but gay. He wasn’t even a virgin anymore. He told everyone about it, he always joked about it. But he didn’t have to be mean. He sounded rude, mean, and homophobic.

« Right. Sorry. » Eddie looked down, and tried as hard as he could not to cry.

« I’m going to the bathroom. » Richie announced.

And as quickly as he spoke, he was gone.

Eddie stayed lying on his bed, still shook from the previous events. He tried really, really hard not to cry. Even if Richie wasn’t there, he would notice it when he would be back. When Eddie cried, it was noticable. After struggling for several minutes, he silently broke into tears.

What the fuck even was that night. He just wanted a normal evening with his best friend, and there he was, crying in his bed. Because he was gay. And he was so fucking scared.

Damn it, what the fuck even was that night

« hey, Eddie. » Richie was back in the room, only to be welcomed by a crying mess on the bed.

« are you… crying? »

Eddie looked at him, quickly drying his tears, with a serious face.

« no I’m not. »

Richie grinned, looking down at Eddie’s hands, on his knees.

« damn, Eddie spaghetti, you look even worse than your mom when I broke up with her. »

Eddie giggled, rolling his eyes. « shut up, asshole. »

Richie sat next to the sad boy.

« seriously, Eds, what is it? You seemed okay when i went to the bathroom. »

the boy sighted and wiped his tears, lying down on the bed.

« It’s nothing, Richie. Don’t worry. »

« Eddie. » RIchie had now this unexpected and unusual serious look. « you know you can tell me anything. »

he started crying again. « please don’t hate me, Richie. »

« hey, look at me, you morron. » Richie took Eddie’s chin in his hand, so he could look at him in the eyes « I won’t ever, in the whole god damn history of our friendship, hate you, Eddie Kaspbrak. »

Eddie smiled, closing his eyes. He felt a warm feeling in the pit of his stomach.

« fine. » he looked at his friend, tears filling up his eyes once again. « I’m gay, Richie. »

the boy frowned.

« that’s it? That’s why you’re crying? »

« well, » Eddie sighted, « look, it’s so much harder than you think, Richie. It took me so long to understand and accept it, and you’re just scared that everybody will turn their back to you. I’m scared, Richie. I’m so scared. » Eddie looked at Richie, a hopeless look in his eyes.

Richie understood.

« Eddie, you know that we’re never going to let you down, no matter what. We love you, Eddie spaghetti. » The boy opened his arms. « C'me here. »

Eddie hugged him.

since that night. The boys were so much closer. They were always holding hands, or hugging, or just touching each other’s skin in general. The whole losers club noticed it. There was clearly something going on between them. One day, Beverly, Richie’s best friend, thought it would be a good idea to talk to him about it. as they were in math class, fifth period, she threw a piece of paper with a message on it at Richie.

« Richie, I need to talk to you about something. can we meet at the quarry, after school?»

he looked at her and nodded, to show her that he could.

« What has been going on with Eddie, lately? »

the curly haired boy looked at her, frowning his eyebrows in a curious way.

«What do you mean? »

The girl looked at him, clearly unimpressed.

«Richie Tozier, stop acting like you don’t know what I’m talking about.»

Richie lost his curious frown. He was now facing her, sadness crossing over his gaze.

«Drop it, Beverly. It’s nothing. »

The red head looked at his friend, slightly surprised.

He called her Beverly, and when he did, that wasn’t a good sign.

She decided it would be better, for now, to stop talking about it. But she would definitely come back to him, she knew the boy would need to clear this out, and he wouldn’t do it alone.

But then he started crying.

«What the fuck is wrong with me, Beverly? What the fuck is wrong with us? God, we’re fucked, we’re so fucked. »

He took his head in his two hands, slightly pulling at his hair. Beverly sat next to him, placing her left hand on his friend’s back. After a couple of seconds, he crawled in to Beverly’s shoulder and cried as they hugged each other tightly, Beverly comforting his friend with nice words.

«Don’t worry, Rich. I’ve gotcha…»

After a while, when Richie stopped crying, he started:

«I don’t know what’s happening between me and Eddie, Bev. »

«Don’t you think you should talk to him about it? »

She looked at him, with a warm and comforting gaze. He shrugged, not really sure of what he should do.

«Bev, a boy isn’t supposed to like another boy, right? What’s wrong with me, then? »

She looked at him, a sudden wave of tears filling her eyes, but not letting them fall down her cheeks.

«There’s nothing wrong with the two of you, Richie. It’s completely normal and healthy to like boys. Look at me. »

The boy turned his head and looked at Beverly right in the eyes.

«Do not ever listen to those homophobic bitches. Homosexuality is okay. »

The kids could feel the cold feeling of the fresh wind on their pale, wet skin as they were running around the water of the quarry. The wind was soft, but cold enough to keep them under the water. They weren’t really doing anything, besides jumping, swimming, talking, laughing. There was a pure atmosphere flying around them, like a sweet blanket of joy resting over their shoulders. They could’ve stayed here for days and days. Anyone who would’ve passed by that day would have discovered what pure joy felt like.

«Shut up, Richie! »

«What? You all know it’s true! »

They were all laughing again at a stupid rumor Richie heard about a girl in their grade.

«Guys…» Beverly started, a playful gaze on her face. «wanna play truth or dare?»

«why would we play truth or dare if we already know everything about each other?» Stan pointed out and Beverly agreed, since she was aware that she knew even more than the others about the group.

«yeah, I know,» she sighed. «but I want to play something!»

«I want to play truth or dare,» said Ben and all of the losers agreed.

«okay. But it’s still irrelevant!»

« I wanna start! » yelled Beverly.

She made a small wondering pout, looking at every loser’s faces, before choosing the lucky one.

« Bill, » she said as he looked at her.

« what’s your weirdest habbit? »He frowned at the stupid question

. « I don’t know… sometimes I pick my nose, » he said with a shrug.

« Ew!!! » Eddie screamed with a disgusted face. « ew, ew, ew! That’s disgusting. Don’t you ever try to touch me again. »

They all laughed at Eddie’s childish reaction.

« Well, Eddie, what’s your weirdest habbit? »

The boy blushed, trying to act natural even though they all spotted him and his red cheeks.

« Shut up, Bill, I don’t have weird habbits. I’m not a freak. »

« he sleeps naked, » muttered Richie under his breath so no one could hear him except Bill and Eddie. But the problem is, everyone heard.

« beep bEEP RICHIE! Shut up, you fucking dipshit! It’s not true! » said the boy as his cheeks were hotter than ever. The others all bursted into laughs as Stan started:

« It’s okay, Eddie. Everyone has their dark secrets. »Eddie wasn’t laughing.

« I’m done, » he started as he was swimming towards the rocks where his stuff were.

« Oh come on, Eddie spaghetti, it was a joke! »

« Screw you, trashmouth, » Eddie snapped as he took his towel and dried his body, then put on his shirt.

« Nice shot, Richie, » Beverly said, disappointing.

« Oh come on guys. I’m not the one who laughed! »The kids all shrugged.

« Do you think he’s mad at us? » asked Bill.

« I don’t know, » answered Beverly. « He seemed cool with us, I think he’s mad at Richie, » she confessed as her gaze flew over everyone’s face to end on Richie’s.

« Don’t look at me like that! »They all looked at him.

« What? » he asked, hesitant . Stan rolled his eyes.

« go talk to him, idiot. » Richie raised his eyebrows.

« Oh my god, this is so stupid. he probably isn’t even mad. » he still stood up and walked/swam towards the huge rock where all of their stuff was.

« where the fuck have you been, Eds? i’ve been looking for you for like, hours! » Richie cried, almost laughing. Eddie looked at him angrily.

« I was here the whole time, dipshit. » the small boy sat up-straight on his bed as he looked at Richie, standing in front of him, in his room. « what the fuck are you doing here? »

« wha… » Richie mumbled, slightly confused. « oh, god, you’re actually mad at me? »

Eddie frowned. « of course i’m… » he stopped here, thinking it over. he wasn’t mad at Richie. « no, » he muttered. Richie frowned, starting to worry.

« are you okay, Eds?»

« don’t call me that, you know I hate it. » Eddie looked at his best friend. « you know what my real bad habbit is, Rich.»

« what do you mean? » Richie asked, genuinely confused.

« i like boys, » Eddie complained in a sight as he hid his face in a pillow.

« Oh come on, Eddie, » Richie exclaimed in exasperation, «this is ridiculous.»

Eddie looked at him, a surprised and offended look on his face. « No it’s not!»

«yes, it is, Eds! stop overthinking it, you’re not alone in the fucking boat!»

«what do you mean?» asked Eddie, unsure.

«i mean,»  answered Richie ,« you’re not the only gay on the planet, Eddie. chill out.»

Eddie looked at his best friend, doubtful. «ugh, fuck you, trashmouth.»

«what!? I’m telling you the truth. you’re talking like you’re the only one on earth going through this, like you were some kind of freak or something.»

Eddie ghasped, offended. «no I’m not! I-» he stopped, then sighted. « I know, I’m sorry. i souldn’t be constantly ranting to you about it, it’s just that you’re the only person im out to - i mean, it’s obvious since you’re my bestfriend - but still, i just don’t really know how to get through it and accept myself and shit. but i mean, - still sh-

« Can I ask you a question? » Richie interrupted the boy next to him.

« You just did, dumbass. »

«…Shut up. »

« What is it? » Eddie said as his curiosity started to grow.

« I- do you- I- I mean… well. Let me start this over. What’s happening between us? »

Eddie closed his mouth. he frowned, not really sure of how to react to that question.

«what do you mean, ‘what is happening to us’?»

«I mean this, Eds.» Richie took Eddie’s hand and kissed him on the cheek. « Why fo we keep doing that? »

now Eddie did not expect that. he unconciously held Richie’s hand.

« Well.. I mean, that was.. a kiss on my cheek? » he asked like it was a trick question.

« Well thanks, captain Obvious. I mean why are we doing this? » Richie answered with a dumb face.

« I don’t know, Richie, why are you asking me this? I was talking, you interrupted me. »

« Because I, I… I don’t think I can keep going like this anymore. » he sighted . « Sometimes I want to kiss you… »

Eddie’s face features softened as he smiled. « Sometimes I want to kiss you too, Chee. »

« Did you just call me 'Chee’? »

Eddie blushed. « Yeah, I like that nickname. It’s cute, isn’t it? »

« You’re cute. »

Eddie blushed harder.

« So… you want to kiss me? »

« Yeah, » Richie answered with a cocky grin.  « I mean, you look a lot like your mother. »

« Shut up, asshole! » Eddie yelled but still laughed. « That’s disgusting. »

Richie laughed, sitting next to Eddie on his bed. Really close.

« Yes, I want to kiss you. Is it a bad thing? »

« I don’t know, » Eddie answered with a toothy grin, « is it? »

Richie leaned closer to Eddie. « Why don’t we try and find out? »

« Good idea. » Eddie did the same.

« Right now? »

« Right now. »

And that was it.

They were kissing.

And Richie put his hand on Eddie’s collarbone and Eddie inserted his right hand  in Richie’s hair and pulled slightly on it and Richie let out an almost inaudible moan and holy fuck it felt amazing.

When Eddie broke the kiss for air, he put his forehead on Richie’s, and smiled. Richie put his hand on the boy’s cheek and brushed his thumb with affection.

« Eddie, you know I love you, right? »

« I love you too, Rich. »

« No, I’m serious. You mean so much to me, Eds. Meeting you, was the best thing that ever happened to me. I can’t even imagine my life without you. » he chuckled. « I know this is fucking corny as hell but I’m serious, I love you so much. » he pecked Eddie’s neck with his lips.

The boy underneath him help his head close to his heart. « I know, Richie, I feel it too. »

« I love you, Eds. »

Not minding the nickname, Eddie kissed Richie’s lips.

« I love you too. »

hOLY SHIT I FINALLY FINISHED IT. I swear I’ve been working on this for the past month. please give me your feed back! I need it so I can get better at writing nsjnd anyways I hope you liked it!!

 @camithestrangeloser @tapetayloe

[evanthenerd83]

Blood And Ink: The First Two

So, I just logged back onto Tumblr and discovered that many of you guys and girls and ghouls are still confused about the posts. The ones with weird text and distorted pictures. A few of you guys have even noticed bold letters in some of my recent stories. And I know that you might be confused as to why I never addressed them. Well, I’ll get to them in a later update.

You might have guessed that the Thing made them. You’d be correct. I had no part in posting them.

I’ll just recap the whole series of events for those who haven’t visited my blog.

Something has been leaving me notes and changing pictures and trying to get my attention for two weeks now. At first, I thought that it was just a hacker or a troll; an asshole who was trying to get a reaction out of me. Somebody could have stolen my password. Or maybe a computer virus. It seemed plausible since my laptop’s security program expired in September. But when I tried to install anti-malware, the scan didn’t find anything. No Trojan Horse. No signs of outside intrusion.

I still don’t know what it is exactly. Many of its notes are quite informational. Expositional even. It always writes in the first person and keeps re-using certain words or phrases.

It also seems to know me a great deal, like on a personal level.

Anyway, I should really be explaining how everything started and actually showing you the notes themselves. Sorry for rambling.

I found the first note on November 26th when I was finishing up the first draft of a story. The story was titled “I’ll Know” and turned out to be a real rock. Difficult to get through. You can read the final product here and on Reddit. The story itself doesn’t matter as much as what I was doing at the time. I saved it onto my laptop’s hard drive and went to check on a poem. I started to read down the list of text documents, but stopped at the second entry.

It was a new document, simply titled “Hello There”. My satisfaction from writing became confusion, so I scrolled over to view its information. It had been created a minute before I had saved the story. It wasn’t that big of a document either. I clicked on it.

Here is the full text:

“Hello?

Can you read me?

Of course you can. You do have eyes, after all.

Sorry for being stupid. I’m kinda new to this. I guess you have all the experience. You’ve been the one writing.

I haven’t written to you before.

I’ve only prayed.

But you already know that. You’ve been listening to me for a while now. You had to be. How else could I be here?

Come to think of it, I don’t know how I’m even writing this without you.

Hey. That reminds me.

Can you please write again?”

Yes. I was confused. Mainly due to the fact that I didn’t remember writing it. But as I read it over and over again, it became clear to me that I must have forgotten about it. I already have a terrible memory when it comes to school and names and it sounded like one of my stories. Some meta elements mixed with a narrator who is either mentally unstable or a paranormal entity. I’ve certainly entertained the idea in the past.

Not that I’ve actually shown them to anyone. Never came out right.

I didn’t delete it if that’s what you’re wondering. I just shrugged it off and forgot about the fact that it had been created as I was writing a story. I wish I hadn’t.

A week passed. Once again, writer’s block struck. I had school and other things to worry about (You should already know this if you have been following any of my previous updates on this blog or on Twitter). The typical stuff. An unit test in Economics. I hadn’t started working on the unit vocabulary when I should have. And it didn’t help that my school put on a play, The Wedding Singer, and I had to usher. Not to mention the fact that I had to work at a recreation center again. I didn’t have time to actually sit down and write.

Even when I did have some free time, as work was cancelled over the weekend thanks to a snowstorm, I wasted my time by watching YouTube. Procrastination kept me from doing anything. Until that Sunday.

I forced myself to sit down and open up notepad. I needed to write something for you guys and girls and ghouls after a week of silence. It wasn’t easy to face that blank sheet of paper though. If I don’t write for a long period of time, then my ability to write degrades. Words slip through my fingers and I can’t really settle on a way to start a story. The quality of my stories suffer.

But as I was staring at my laptop screen, I decided to check on “I’ll Know”.

And as I clicked on the “open” tab and moved the cursor to slid down the scroller, I saw another document. The second note. It was titled “I’m Sorry”. It was created on December 1st. Last Friday. My heart skipped a beat when I read that. I hadn’t used my laptop in days.

I bit my lip and opened it.

“I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have done that. I know that you were busy and probably wouldn’t have been able to read my note. Let alone respond. God. I’m so stupid.

I really am sorry. You must be angry at me. That’s why you’ve been ignoring me, isn’t it?

I can wait.”

My confusion returned and this time, I couldn’t rationalize it away. I hadn’t written this one and forgotten about it. I couldn’t have.

I stared at the screen for a couple of minutes.

And then, I shook my head, turned off my laptop, and stuffed it underneath my bed.

[riverdaleroundup]

Riverdale Roundup: 2x04 “ The Town That Dreaded Sundown”

Okay shit is getting real now. I’m fresh off watching this new Riverdale and I would say that i’m shook but I mean honestly it was okay. I mean shit is starting to happen but i’m not yet on the edge of my seat.

So we open up the show and the  river vixens are prancing down the street in a little pack like a group of basic bitches on halloween. Honestly the sheer number of people who went as river vixens / or betty and veronica on halloween made my head hurt. Like if your costume is popping than okay cool we get it you like the show so you bought the yellow tube socks and the HBIC shirt and you’re living your best life but if you just put on a button up shirt and put your hair in a sloppy ponytail you’re not betty cooper so like sit the fuck down. That’s not a costume. That’s you pulling out a shirt that doesn’t fit from the back of your closet so you could try to feel relevant.

Alice Cooper is a grade A brutal bitch and I honestly live for her. She sits down in front of her computer, slips on her chic ass glasses and chugs that white wine ready to tear shit up with her cutting edge reporting. She slips into worried guilt tripping mother mode for a hot minute but still looks chic as fuck doing so. I just realized that she’s that cougar that Nate banged season 2 of gossip girl and i’m dying. Literally shook. Who is Alice to judge Grundy robbing the cradle when she and Nathaniel Archibald got it on on numerous occasions when he was a generous 16 years old.HOLY SHIT I JUST LOOKED AT HER IMDB PAGE AND SAW THAT SHE PLAYED SHERRY IN GILMORE GIRLS??!? How did i miss that? I literally just re watched the Sherry episodes. She looks so different. I’m dying.  But can we also talk about the inconsistent state of her bangs? Like one minute she’s got that casual middle part and the next she’s rocking a side swoop. I can’t keep up.

Okay so Betty wants Jughead to drive all the way to riverdale high to spend lunch with her. Like how long are their lunch breaks? Like honestly it was a struggle to make it down to mcdonalds and be back in time for english but these kids can skip all the way to the other side of town to enjoy a romantic lunch and still make it back in time for their joke of a literature class?.

I wasn’t paying enough attention to know what the sperant leader's name is but he looks very familiar to me. He kind of reminds me of like a cheaper version of Nat Wollf in the naked brothers band. Honestly any minute i’m expecting him to pull out a guitar and confess his love for Rosalinda.

Also this is the first time that i’ve heard official riverdale referred to as the north side and it kind of threw me off my game. Like we’ve had this whole south side angle working for a while now but i never once considered that they would call riverdale proper anything other than riverdale.

Okay what is with the remix of Archie's speech when he’s walking down the hallway. Like I’m sorry I didn’t know Archie Andrew’s music career ( which i totally forgot about until he lied about being home all night writing songs) had progressed so much that he was now mixing his own beats and headlining this year's coachella.

Kevin is just so forgiving. Like he was mad for like 10 minutes of one episode and now he and Betty are bff’s again.  Also he mentions his mom and I was like what? Kevin has a mom? Does she live out of state and pretend he doesn’t exist ala Jugheads mom?”

Also it’s just too much that Black Hood is like “ Omg Betty your cute speech about loving your friends and making Riverdale a nice place has inspired me to MURDER”. Now starts the shit that I hate. Betty is like i’ll tell the police a half truth and withhold important information. That is just way too pretty little liars for me. Those bitches never went to police with anything. I mean season one of riverdale these kids would find a used tissue and be like “ we have to tell Sheriff Keller about this” and now Betty thinks this is a cross she should bare alone. Kevin is right. Betty is in high school ( aka fifteen years old for fuck sakes) not the newest graduate of Quantico.

So both Toni and Jughead are into true crime and that means what? That they’re going to ride off into the sunset and listen to spooky criminal podcasts together for all of eternity? I already hate where this whole Toni/Jughead/ Betty triangle is going. It’s just so freaking typical and I can’t deal. I had hopes from last episode that they might just co exist for at least a little while but suddenly this episode Toni grows this bitch ass attitude and starts attacking Betty out of nowhere.  Betty was trying so hard  to avoid being the jealous girlfriend by being like “ I’m so nice you’re new best friend can crack the code with us and we can all be friends” . They’re having their little crime solver party and Toni makes a little comment about Betty's ponytail which would have been fine if she had said it like in a nice joking way but she starts coming for the hairstyle like the ponytail murdered her father right before her eyes and she’s been sworn to seek vengeance ever since. Kevin rips Toni a new one because Bettys pony is “ iconic” and he’s not here for any of her bullshit.  Than Betty makes literally the same comment that knock off Nat Wollf the serpent made about black hood targeting north siders but this time Toni feels personally attacked by this and decides that she needs to start poking holes in Jughead and Bettys relationship and being an over all annoying bitch.

Okay so the fake ID that Archie uses at the gun store looks like he made it himself on the back of a monopoly get out of jail free card. He’s getting together all his weapons so that he can what? Have a shoot out in the middle of the street with the masked man? Also why do they call his ski mask a hood? Archie keeps being like “ It’s not a Ski mask” but has the boy ever been to a mountain? That looks a lot like a mask to me.  So while Archie is gathering ammunition and literally painting the town red while waving a gun in the face of a couple of serpents, Veronica is making a rush order to vistaprint and somehow convincing Cheryl to help her hand out a lazily designed shirts.

So after Archie is banished from school for being locked and loaded  he sends Veronica to go toilet bowl fishing in order to retrieve his gun.  So Reggie is so grateful that Archie didn’t sell him out about the ski mask that he’s decided that him and the rest of the football team ( plus one boy scout) are willing to rejoin their not so secret society. But this makes no sense to me because it’s not like Reggie committed some heinous crime in that hood. He just showed up at Archies house in it to scare him.

But whatever i’ll let that go. The football team had to be there because conveniently the teenage branch of the south side serpents have just rolled up and are ready to rumble at midnight. Literally. Rumble. Have we slipped into an alternate universe? Am i watching west side story? The Sharks and the Jets are literally about to fight openly in the streets. Plus the whole way that Veronica was like “ fair fight! No weapons.” Is so west side that it makes me want to murder myself. Like if I couldn’t sit through a whole high school production of that play then I’m not looking to see it here. Is someone literally about to burst out into the chorus of America and bang their fist on a metal fence? But anyway.

The town meeting is called and it’s not a cute one like in gilmore girls. Alice Cooper is running this meeting. She wants to close down south side high but like how will that help? Are all those kids just going to go to riverdale high now or did she figure they would all just stay out on the streets in south side sans education? How would that save money? She’s so against the south side but like is that not her old stomping ground? What’s the beef Alice? What is your MO? Fred is all like Alice this is a time for us to be united and blah blah blah. Hiram and Hermione are muttering about Fred and is he a problem or is he an asset and i’m like enough with the secrets. Tell me the goods.  

The boys head out in the pouring rain like they’re about to shoot a dramatic Taylor Swift music video. They start to  fight in the streets and Archie is getting his ass handed to him. So Dilton gets stabbed but I got really confused. It kind of looked like he was the one who was pulling the knife? So did he stab himself for the drama or am I just a literal Psycho? Veronica shows up in her dramatic ass cape like in the season one premiere and fires the gun in the air which spooks all the boys like a group of nervous dogs around fireworks.

Jughead and Betty figure out that the code is from her old Nancy Drew workbook and head off to rescue everyone at the town meeting. Now the thing is who is this person that they know enough about Betty that they know that she used to check out that decode book all the time as a kid? That works with the idea that it could be Hal doing all of this but I really just don’t see it. But what do I know? Nothing.

So now the killer is making blocked calls to Betty because why the hell not. Here’s why that doesn’t work for me. In this day and age who the hell answers an unknown number? Not I. I barely answer the phone when people I know are calling.

That's it.

Until next Thursday. Byeeee.

[whydontweband]

The Melody In My Head (A Jonah Marais Imagine)

Masterlist

Part One

*As Requested*

Disclaimer: Because this request contained more in-depth plot-lines and story segments, it will be divided into three parts, posted at different times

Have a lovely day!

Word Count: 2329

Description: In which your boyfriend, Jonah, hears you singing to yourself and, on a whim, records it. Funny, how one simple recording, posted to the internet, can change someone’s life forever.

    I’d never been a very outgoing person. Even as a kid, I’d always preferred the company of my own imagination and thoughts to those of other children. I never tried out for any extra-curriculars, never managed to make more than a handful of friends, never really became anything. I was always just Y/N, the girl at the back of the class, with my head in a book, keeping to myself, not rocking the boat. I was a freshman in university at Stanford now, my dream school, because being smart had always been the only thing that I really excelled at. That may come across as sounding insecure to some people, but I don’t think of it that way. I never really valued anything over my education, not even my social life. Which made it particularly shocking to the few who know me well when the word broke that I’d started dating a rising international pop star. I remember the first day after the word hit the internet, a few articles had hit the tabloids, and a few photographs of us on a date at the park had surfaced; my mom called me up on the phone to make sure I hadn’t had a social breakdown. My few closest friends had called to see if I was being held against my will. Of course, neither of those things were true, but to this day I’ll get comments on how different we are- and truthfully I don’t know if I could explain how we fell in love if it would save my life. Some things are inexplicable, and when they happen it takes most everyone by surprise, even though it suddenly becomes the most natural and comfortable thing in the world for you. I’d been with Jonah for about a year now, and while most everyone is supportive, I’d be lying if I didn’t notice a blog post here or tabloid story there, talking about how odd it is that such an outgoing and self-assured guy like Jonah would be dating such an introverted, anti-social Brainiac like myself. I’d seen more than a few fans comment how it reminded them of Troy and Gabriella from High School Musical, but I’d never seen much of Gabriella in myself. Maybe Kelsey, but without the piano skills, or Ryan Evans. Nevertheless, we somehow fit together, and somewhere along the road, he’d become my favorite person, which is a massive step up from my previous favorite person- no one.

“Hey babe, the boys and I are heading out for pizza, you sure you don’t wanna come?” Jonah shouted from down the hall. I nibbled absentmindedly on the edge of my ballpoint pen as I continued copying down the notes from last weeks lecture into more legible handwriting. Smiling softly, I shook my head, before realizing he couldn’t see me.

“No, that’s ok! You guys have fun!” I replied, loud enough for him to hear as I went back to shuffling through loads of scrap paper that I’d assembled in a quasi-organized heap on Jonah’s bed. My apartment was much closer to campus, but on the weekends breaks I would come stay at the boys house. It was currently almost summer break, and I was doing some last minute cramming before finals- before I would be free for the entire summer. Jonah peeked his head in from around the corner of the door, smiling cutely as he walked in, wearing a yellow and black Thrasher t-shirt, torn black skinny jeans and a pair of grey Yeezy’s. I smiled, sighing as I laid back on the cushions of his bed, tired from all of the work I’d been doing as he leaned over me.

“How’d I get such an amazing girlfriend?” He mumbled softly as I giggled.

“Probably because your lame-ass was scouting for girls at the library, and I was the only one there under 100.” I chuckled. Jonah laughed, shaking his head as he leaned down and kissed my forehead.

“And I thank my lucky stars every day that I chose you over Ruth, you’re a lot prettier, and your teeth are a lot more real.” He quipped. I smiled, rolling my eyes as I shoved him slightly.

“Go on, have fun with the guys.” Jonah pouted, pretending to be offended as I giggled.

“It’d be more fun if you came too, ya know.” I shook my head, pursing my lips jokingly and shaking my head like a difficult child.

“Mmm, hard pass.” Jonah sulked playfully as I shook my head.

“J, clubbing is so not my scene, you know that.” I replied softly. Jonah smiled, nodding softly.

“I know, Y/N. Alright, well listen- we should be back around 1 or so, but don’t wait up. Tomorrow I promise we’ll have a night in, just you and me.” I smiled, biting my lip bashfully and nodding.

“Ok, sounds good.” Jonah grinned, towering over me as he leaned down and kissed me softly.

“I’ll see you later, baby.” He takes my hand in his, our fingers weaving together as he squeezes it tightly, before letting it go.

“Mkay, I love you.”

“I love you mooooore.” He cooed as he made his way towards the door. I rolled my eyes playfully, waving him off as I replied.

“Not even remotely possible.” Jonah smirked, shaking his head.

“Argument for another time, then.” He patted the doorway before heading out, and I listened as his shoes collided one by one with the stairs as he made his way to the front door where the other guys were inevitably waiting. I smiled to myself, before sitting up and continuing my work.

    After several more hours of note taking and study materials, my brain had been officially fried. Rubbing my sleep-deprived eyes, I sighed, making my way downstairs to grab some water from the fridge. As I went, I turned on every light in the house, which was arguably one of Jonah’s biggest pet peeves about me, but I couldn’t help it if I didn’t like the dark.

As I took a glass from the cupboard and turned the faucet, I began humming quietly to myself. It was nothing in particular, just something to pass the time and fill the silence I suppose. Checking my watch, I realized it was around 1:30am.

“Boo!” I jumped, dropping the glass in the sink and spilling water all over me in the process as Jonah laughed hysterically, stepping out from around the corner where he’d been hiding. Still in shock, I scoffed.

“Jonah you ass!” I exclaimed, laughing slightly, as I looked down at my sopping wet pajamas. Jonah giggled, smiling as he extended his arms.

“Babe, I’m sorry- you’re just so damn gullible.” He giggled. I crossed my arms, still aggravated but defenseless against his adorable “I’m sorry” face. Rolling my eyes, I gave him a hug, dampening his t-shirt as I did so. He smiled.

“When did you get home? I didn’t hear you come in.” He shrugged, picking up my glass and re-filling it.

“Just a few minutes ago. The other guys headed to bed, I was just coming in to get some something to drink, great minds think alike I guess.” I blushed slightly, funny how even after a year of dating the littlest things he would say could still make me blush.

“I guess so.” I retorted. He smiled, handing me my now full glass of water and grabbing a bottle of Gatorade from the fridge.

“Alright, well I’m gonna turn it in, are you coming up to bed?” I nodded in reply.

“Yeah, just a minute, I need to wipe up this mess.” I pointed to the puddle of water beneath me that I’d created in my moment of terror. He smiled sympathetically.

“Sorry about that.” He smiled, I shrugged.

“It’s ok, I forgive you for being a horrible person.” I teased. He clutched his heart mockingly as I smiled, kissing his cheek.

“I’ll see you upstairs in a few minutes.” Jonah nodded, taking his Gatorade and disappearing around the corner.I sighed, running a hand through my Y/H/C hair as I grabbed a washcloth from one of the cabinets and blotting the puddle that had collected on the tile floor. As I grew lost in the moment, I began singing softly to myself. I hadn’t really realized what I’d started singing until I reached the chorus- I’d been singing “Made for” by Why Don’t We.

Jonah

      I had just started making my way back upstairs with my Gatorade when I heard a soft meoldy coming from the Y/N’s direction. Raising a brow in confusion, I quietly made my way back, peeking into the kitchen quietly and noticing Y/N sitting on the tile floor, cleaning the puddle of water I’d accidentally made her spill. Just as I was about to turn around, the melody occurred again, and I realized that it was her singing. Singing one of our songs. Smiling quietly to myself, I listened for a moment, before instinctively pulling out my phone. The truth was, in a year of dating Y/N, I’d never once heard her really sing. She was phenomenal. It was like the voice of an angel, and singing one of our songs. I couldn’t help but let my face spread into a smile as I listened, recording her voice so that maybe she would one day see how amazing she is. The talented, incredible person I’ve always seen her for. Her voice lulled into a contented silence as I stopped the recording, smiling to myself as I headed back upstairs without her ever realizing I’d heard her.

After I got back to my room, I played the recording once over, listening to every little hum and lilt in her voice, the way she dragged out the sound of her R’s, and the way her inflection fell like flakes to a snow-covered ground. I couldn’t help but smile when I listened. Everyone deserved to hear how amazing she was. Sighing, I rubbed my eyes, completely exhausted as my thumb hovered over the Instagram app on my home screen. I bit my lip, clicking on it and I opening the video. I won’t post it. Not until I show it to Y/N. As amazing as it was, she’d never forgive me if I posted it without her knowing. My thumb hesitated for a moment on the post screen as I looked at it for a moment longer. There’s no way Y/N will let me post this. Never in a million years. She’ll make me delete the video, and no one will ever have the chance to see how talented she truly is. I wanted more than anything for the world to see her for the amazing person I saw her as…and maybe this would do that. Sighing, I ran a hand through my hair, shaking my head softly to myself. Regardless of what I wanted, I wouldn’t go behind her back. I’d ask her in the morning. Just as I was about to cancel the post, a voice in the doorway startled me.

“Hey you.” Y/N chirped cheerily. I gasped, my hand shaking as my phone dropped to the bed. She giggled, smiling as she walked over and gave me a kiss on the cheek.

“You’re such a scaredy cat, J. It’s so cute.” I smiled, heart still startled as I returned the kiss.

“Yeah, what can I say, I guess I’m just in a constant state of shock that someone as beautiful and smart and awesome as you would wanna be with lil ole me.” I teased. She laughed, shaking her head as laid down beside me, wrapping her arms around my waist and turning out the light.

“You’re crazy, Jonah.” I smiled, kissing her forehead.

“I love you too, Y/N.” By the time I’d finished my sentence and looked over, she was already drifting of to sleep. I pulled the covers up farther, quietly grabbing my phone from it’s place on the bed where it had fallen, preparing to set it on my bedside table when it vibrated. I raised an eyebrow, cautiously turning it on. Who was texting me at nearly 2 in the morning? I realized however, that it wasn’t a text. It was a comment from Logan on Instagram. My latest post was from a week ago, and he already commented on that. I through to myself groggily, opening up the notification. As tired as I’d felt, in an instant I was wide awake. Oh my god oh my god oh my god. My eyes grew wide as saucers as I came face to face with the post he’d commented on. A video, posted 1 minute ago. To an Instagram account with almost a million followers. The video. My hand must have slipped when I got startled, and now the entire world had access to Y/N singing. The view count ticked up by the hundreds every second. Comments were pouring in, all of our biggest fan accounts had already reposted the video in its entirety. It was too late now. The whole thing was out there for the world to see, and somehow it didn’t feel as good as I’d been hoping. It felt like a betrayal of her trust, and of course it was. But a part of it felt good too. The comments were overwhelming positive, including Logan’s which read:

@LoganPaul: DAMN BRO, WHY IS Y/N NOT THE SIXTH WDW MEMBER ALREADY?!

I couldn’t help but laugh a little, until I was brought back to reality by the fact that it had only been a couple minutes, and it already had over 50,000 views on my profile alone. It was going viral, and nothing I could do, not even deleting the video, would change the fact that Y/N’s life was now altered irreparably. There was no going back, no covering my tracks. I had approximately 8-10 hours, and then I’d have to face the music- both figuratively and literally.

End of Part One

1/3

(If you’re interest in the 2nd part pls let me know, and I’ll get to it faster.)

[snapshotxdelrusso]

stuck || sebco

Who: @fabsmythe & @snapshotxdelrusso

When: 31st January 

Notes: Franco is having a panic attack and Sebastian comes to check on him. Conversations lead to a potential future

Triggers: Abuse, Sex is assumed and Panic Attacks

It wasn't easy getting to Franco's apartment. At least it was more tedious than normal. In fact, Sebastian had broken a lot of rules getting there but he didn't care. Eventually, he started shouting at his driver in French and his driver finally gave into the horror that Sebastian was putting on her. He arrived at Franco's nearly 45 minutes after the last message. It wasn't something that he wanted, but it was the best he could do. He shifted out of the car seat and tapped the window. He gave a command and the driver went away. Sebastian pulled his hoodie over his head and walked up the stairs. He knocked at the door and then tried the handle to see if it was unlocked. "It's me." Sebastian shouted.

Franco had left the door unlocked when he'd gotten the news and he was sat on the floor, tears running down his face as he struggled to breath properly, "H...Her..re" he managed to get out as he rocked a little, he didn't feel like a strong person, he felt weak and pathetic and he wanted to scream and shout but he couldn't even find his words anymore

When Sebastian opened the door without the other, immediately, he ran to Franco's side, leaving the door to shut him self. He reached into his pocket and was about to call 911. "Hey, hey, monsieur." Sebastian cooed in a soft tone. "I'm here." He moved quickly to wrap the other in his arms.

Franco fell into Sebastian's arms, "Don't call for help" he spoke, his voice shaking, "I can't go back to hospital" he whispered, "Please don't make me go back"

Sebastian put his phone face down on the floor and attempted to lift up the other. He was careful in his support as he brought the other to the bed so that they weren't on the floor. Sebastian kept his arms around the other. A body guard came up and discretely closed the door to the apartment. Sebastian peeked out before focusing his attention on the other.

Franco let Sebastian move him to the bed as his body felt like it wanted to give up. He was sad, he felt like he couldn't make the decision himself and he clung to Sebastian like his life depended on it

Sebastian's fist twisted into Franco's shirt, making sure that he had the best grip on him. Using all the strength he had, Sebastian pulled him close so that he could feel Franco's body warmth next to his. His other hand, he used to rub the other's back gently.

Franco's hands were balled into fists, his head buried into Sebastian's shoulder as he tried to calm himself down, "Why can't he just admit what he did" he spoke, his voice shaking and quivering, "Why is he putting me through this"

Sebastian was glad that Franco was on his left side. "Because he's ruthless baby doll. It's okay. It'll be over soon, it'll be over soon." Sebastian's voice turned softer than usual.

Franco wanted to scream at the world, wanted to fight anyone who came near him but instead, he sat clutching someone he felt like he'd forced into all this, "I'm sorry you have to deal with this"

"Shhh." Sebastian cooed. "Focus on yourself. It's all going to be okay." Sebastian's long slender fingers smoothed through the younger man's hair. Still, Sebastian kept his fist balled into Franco's shirt and his body encompassing the other, using his large tall body as an advantage.

Franco felt like he was breaking, "I just don't get it... How can he say I was happy?" he asked, his tears slowing, "I was never happy Sebastian, I wasn't happy"

"Exactly, nobody is going to see that." Sebastian reminded him. "They're going to know he's a liar just by looking at you." Sebastian rocked their bodies gently, making sure that it was completely controlled. "This wasn't your fault and you don't deserve it."

"It was though. When they ask why I entered into a relationship, they won't believe me when I say he was gunna fire me, everyone said he seemed like such a good person" Franco explained as he felt Sebastian's hands on him, "That I was making it up"

Very naturally, Sebastian unballed his fist, moved his arm down Franco's arm and twisted his hand into the other's and kept his motion going. "And they're wrong." Sebastian reminded. "You're not making it up and they're going to all say that. But you know what it was really like."

"If no one believes me, he walks free" Franco said, defeated as he pushed himself backwards, letting himself rest against the headboard as he kept a grip on Sebastian's hand, "And I have to move again"

Sebastian knew how these things worked. He watched it happen so many times and he was even asked to come defend somebody. This is what they did. "I believe you. And if you can convince me, I think you can convince them. You're not alone."

Franco sighed as he watched Sebastian, "Look, I can't pretend that I am OK and I gotta hope the courts see I am not" he whispered as his hands started to slow on the shaking and his breathing started to level out, "I'm scared"

"Honey, nobody needed a detective to tell that you're not okay." Sebastian stated. "I know, but I'm here for you. I'll protect you."

"Yeah but they need to believe I'm not OK" he whispered, "And I've been trying to pretend I am. I don't wanna be weak anymore"

Sebastian squeezed his hand and listened. Maybe there was something he wasn't hearing or something he wasn't thinking of. "What do you want to do?"

"What do you mean" he asked, looking up wide-eyed to the other, "What do you mean, what do I wanna do?"

"I mean, what do you want to do about this?" Sebastian asked.

"About New York?" He asked.

"The whole thing?" Sebastian asked. "What do you want the end result to be?"

"I want him to go to prison" he said with a nod, "I want him to never be able to touch me again" he whispered

At the answer, Sebastian nodded. "How can we put this hussy in jail then?"

"I don't know. I have to make sure they believe me" he whispered

Sebastian grumbled as he leaned in to hear the other. "What did you say?" Sebastian asked.

Franco looked up, "I have to make sure people believe me" he spoke again, "You really wanna come with me?"

This time, Sebastian made sure to tilt his head left to hear him better. "I really want to come with you." Sebastian told him in confidence.

Franco nodded, "Then I'll go" he spoke with a nod, "I'll go as long as you come"

"I booked the flight already." His lips curled into a sweet smile for him. "I even saved a seat for you in first class if you want it."

Franco gave a soft laugh, "You got me a seat in first class?" He asked with a bite of his lip

"Yes sir." Sebastian told him. "have you ever been in 1st class?"

"I was never allowed to book my own flights so what do you think" he said with a smile

"What man would ever allow his boyfriend to sit in that sort of filth of public class?" Sebastian puckered his lips. Maybe this was bad taste, but Sebastian couldn't help himself.

Franco raised am eyebrow, "Erm, the kinda man who would kick the crap out of me" he spoke with a gulp, "Can I ask you something?"

"You already did." Sebastian answered.

Franco shook his head, "It's fine, I won't ask" he spoke with a nod

Sebastian laughed. "Love, don't hang me like that."

Franco closed his eyes, "Would you... Would like... Would you be interested in going on a date with me?" He said, the words hard to come out after everything with Jake

Sebastian was a bit thrown off by this. He didn't think that was the direction. He puckered his lips at the question and tilted his head. A smile curled on his face. "I would love too." He eventually answered.

Franco was stunned he'd not thought Sebastian would be interested, "For real?"

Sebastian's toes hung over the edge of the bed. Even though Franco had a large bed, Sebastian still couldn't fit properly on it. It was one of those unfortunate things. Sebastian put his leg in between Franco's legs and hummed. "Even though I have a hearing issue, it seems like I have to repeat myself a lot." He said in a teasing manner. "And this cute little innocent school boy excitement, super hot."

Franco found the position odd, he'd not laid in bed with anyone since Jake and he gripped Sebastian's hand, "I'm sorry, I second guess myself a lot" he admitted, "Cute innocent school boy is kinda what you get with me"

Sebastian couldn't help the giddy laugh that evolved out of his throat. He let go of Franco's hand and went up to stroke through Franco's smooth hair. "Well, lucky me then." He responded. "And how about you tell me about what kind of date you'd like to go on?"

Franco moved his head into Sebastian's hand, wanting to feel the man's touch, "I don't know. Maybe like, dinner and a stroll through the park?" he offered. He'd not really done dates before so he was basing it on the cheesy movies he's seen.

"Classy." Sebastian commented, his grin huge on his face. It's been a while since he had attempted to really date anybody. Mostly one night stands, but really, Sebastian didn't really know what to make of it either. "Maybe a nice Italian Restaurant, fine wine?" He said, egging on the thoughts that would take the other away from his troubles.

Franco nodded, "Italian would be perfect, I haven't had good Italian since I left Italy" he smiled as he looked to the other, "Then we could find a nice little spot or we could get a car to the beach and take a stroll along and watch the waves?"

Sebastian hummed with Franco. "Love, what if it was in Italy?" Sebastian thought aloud. He was of course completely serious. "Do you have your passport love?"

Franco's jaw dropped, "In Italy? Like actually going to Italy for a date?" he asked, not sure if that was normal, "Well yeah, I fly all the time so I have to have my passport"

"Why not love?" Sebastian asked him. "From New York, we just to Italy and we send a week in genuine leather and floating down the river, leasing this miserable country behind us."

"Cause no one has ever asked me to go to Italy with them before" he said quietly, "After New York, sounds like a good time to go, god knows I'll need it"

Sebastian brushed his cheek with the other as sort of a butterfly kiss. "Love, don't get to use to it, because you have the most alluring surprises."

"Alluring surprises? What does that mean?" he asked with a frown, his issues with words showing now.

"Alluring means seductive." Sebastian answered as he continued to brush through Franco's hair.

"So you give seductive surprises or I gotta learn too?" he asked, still moving his head into Sebastian's hand

"No." Sebastian snorted. His hand showed as he pressed his smiling face into Franco's. "I mean it's sexy to see you surprised."

"Oh right" he said with a nod, "Your face is really close to mine" he said with a slight whisper, licking his lip

Sebastian tilted his left ear up again. "What?" Sebastian asked.

"Your face" he said a little louder, "It's really close to mine" he spoke as he bit down on his lip

Sebastian nodded. "It is." Sebastian leaned his face and let their lips match. He puckered his lips out to capture the other's perfectly.

Franco felt the breath leave him as Sebastian kissed him. The man was gentle, which is what he needed right now with his wounds and he kissed back, his hands moving so they could touch Sebastian, "Thank you" he spoke against the others lips

Sebastian chuckled against the other's lips before he dove deeper into the kiss, squeezing his eyes shut. His large hands went to Franco's body to feel over the bumps and bruises he had. "You're going to strong for this." Sebastian told him. "I know you can."

"I can do it if I got people who believe in me" he breathed as he kissed the other back, for once not ashamed of his scars

"I believe you. And in my line of work, you have to admit that there are a lot of snakes."

Franco nodded, "Lots of snakes, Jake just topped the chart"

"Agreed love." Sebastian's neck relaxed onto the pillow. He started to stroke Franco's cheek. He bent his leg up so that his shoes were no longer dangling over the edge of the bed. He adjusted himself so that he was a bit more comfortable, realising he hadn't moved since he had come in to put Franco on the bed

Franco sighed into the touch, "I never imagined being able to lay like this with someone again"

Sebastian tilted his head to Franco with a sly smile on his face. "Oh? Well, looks like somebody was wrong." Sebastian said bluntly. "And really? With that handsome mug?"

Franco gave a little laugh, "Yeah looks like I was. I just never thought I'd get past the Jake thing. Handsome, me... Don't be silly"

"Seriously, this whole bashful act is completely sexy." Sebastian cooed as he looked down at the other.

Franco shook his head, "I'm not even sure what you mean right now" he said bashfully

Sebastian snickered and wrapped himself around Franco again. He hugged him tighter than normal and leaned into his ear to whisper. "You're too much." Sebastian then turned Franco's mouth so that he could engulf his mouth. Sebastian merged carefully, moving his hands under Franco's shirt.

Franco felt his eyes flutter as the other kissed him hard and the hand went up his shirt, "God, your touch" he spoke out, "Crave your touch"

Sebastian continued his actions. He couldn't quite hear what the other was saying, he wasn't pushing and shoving at him to stop. He moved so that he was on top of the other, putting his hand all over Franco's trim body. Even though it was bruised, Sebastian was excited to feel the smooth patches of skin. Soon, his slender fingers moved into Franco's pant, reaching for his smooth cute butt that Sebastian would discreetly look at while they were together.

Franco was groaning at the actions and when Sebastian went to his pants, he gasped out, "Feels so nice, gentle hands" he breathed out, hands coming up to Sebastian's hair as he kissed the other

Very carefully, Sebastian pressed on, kissing all over Franco's body. Even as they glided into more in depth territory, Sebastian moved slowly and with as much control as he could muster. 

--------------- SEX ASSUMED ---------------

At the finish, Sebastian fell on over on the large mattress, bare naked. He moaned with satisfaction as his breathe started to calm down.

Franco had enjoyed himself and Sebastian was super gentle with him. He was panting when they were done and he sighed as he took a breath, "That was amazing" he spoke, remembering not to whisper

"I know." Sebastian breathed out. "It was me." He couldn't help but laugh at his own boosting. "And you were also fantastic." As their bodies cooled off, Sebastian went to pull the sheets over them. He also put his arm underneath Franco's and brought him close.

Franco moved into Sebastian and he took the overs hand, bringing it onto his chest, "So erm... What does this mean?"

Sebastian leaned his head onto the pillow. "It doesn't have to mean anything love." Sebastian told him. "Or it can mean whatever you want it to mean."

Franco paused, "I meant for us?"

"I know. That's what I meant." Sebastian opened his bright green eyes. "It means what you want it to mean."

Franco shook his head, "I don't know... I don't know what it means cause I don't wanna get hurt again but I don't wanna watch you go around with loads of other people"

Sebastian sighed out. How had he got caught up in this so fast? Maybe it was just the fact that he wanted to help Franco so much? He rubbed his temple. "I've attempted exclusive before, and let me tell you, it doesn't work out so much. But, I will make an effort for you." Sebastian finally told him. He knew it would hurt him if Sebastian wasn't truthful from the beginning. Plus, the other had to know from multiple tabloids that Sebastian wasn't exactly made for monogamy.

Franco sighed, "Don't do it then" he said with a nod, "I can get over it. I don't wanna convenience you". He took a gulp and rolled onto his side, "I'm not gunna make you give up your lifestyle just cause I need someone Sebastian"

Even though Sebastian was known for his ruthlessness, he still felt a tinkle of guilt whenever things like this happened. He pressed his lips together as he watched the other flipped over. He thought for a minute how he would fix this. "I don't want you to think that you don't have a special place in my heart." Sebastian sat up. He hung his head as he thought of more words. For once, they didn't flow out of him like they normally did. "And I don't want you to think that you can't come to me. I will do anything to help you."

Franco sighed, "Sebastian, don't try and be something you aren't. You have needs, I get it" he spoke with a gulp, "Would I see you as a boyfriend, yeah but if you can't commit I can't do that" he said, biting his lip a little

Sebastian sucked in some air. "Even if I was ready for a committed relationship, do you think that you're ready for a relationship?" Sebastian asked with a bit of worry in his voice. "I figured that you just got out of a very... nasty situation and you're... still not done with it. You think even if we got together that it would be beneficial to you?"

Franco rolled over so his feet were over the side of the bed and he sat up, "What's beneficial for me is not having to do this alone... I went through shit so who are you to decide if that means I am not ready? I just want like... I wanna feel loved OK" he said, his voice starting to break, "I wanna feel like someone fucking wants me"

Sebastian grumbled in frustration. "Ooflala." He trilled harshly in his french mannerisms. His words came out controlled. "I do want you.. I just have to be honest with you." He sighed out. "I think it's because that we really just met last week..." Sebastian kept his eyes on Franco's back. "You have to admit that we're working a bit fast. I really didn't have the goal of coming over here and having sex. Though it was the highlight of my year so far."

Franco took a deep breath and shook his head, "Yeah OK but you've had one night stands before, telling me they move to fast?". He paused and looked at Sebastian, "You want me but you want to be able to sleep with others, that's what this is right?" he asked, "I was stupid to even ask you for a date. I'm glad I could give you an award winning night"

"No, that's not what I'm attempting to get at. I'm just saying that there have been times that... I've been unfaithful. Or I've made some decisions that might have been better if I were single." Sebastian warned. He sucked in some air as he admitted to this. He should've known this. Sebastian nearly built his social persona out of being the resident play boy. "Hey, hey, now. Don't be like that. Okay..." Sebastian put his hand through his hair. Damn did he fuck this one up. He sat in silence as he ran through scenarios in his head. He could do it right? He could enter into a relationship? The problem was how Franco was now, he couldn't get around it. This could be dangerous. He balled his hands into his fist and had a clump of hair in his hands. Sleeping with Franco was a mistake and that was only thing that he could think about in that moment. "I'm sorry, I went too far." Sebastian finally stated. "I still want to go on that date. And I can..." He took in a breathe. "Try. I am willing to try if you are willing to give me a chance."

"Yeah well if I'd had the chance I would have been unfaithful too Sebastian" he said with a nod as he finally looked at the other, "I got hurt so much by Jake and for me to even wanna put one egg in someone's basket, that should be a big deal". He gulped back his emotions and nodded, "I can't help it OK". "If you'd gone too far, I would have stopped you" he spoke honestly, "I would have told you no but I didn't cause I thought it was what we both wanted". He paused at the words, "Why don't we say, between now and the trial, you do what you need to do, an open relationship of sorts? We go to the trial, we go on the date and if we hit it off, then you try, you try and be faithful, you try and commit to me?"

"Oh, I knew you were a player." Sebastian praised with a huge smile on his face. He made sure that when Franco turned around that he was sitting there and staring at him. His green eyes connected with those deep brown hues. He couldn't lie, it made him melt a little on the inside. "I know." He reached down for Franco's hand and hoped that he'd take it. It wasn't that they couldn't be close? Right? In the past week, Franco had entrusted Sebastian a lot and now he was on the road to keeping that trust. He felt like it was his duty. "I did want you, just wasn't thinking too clearly on what it meant." He breathed out and nodded. "I would like that a lot. It's a bit better than my anxiety was betting on."

Franco rolled his eyes, "I wish, if I could have played the game I could have gotten out of there quicker then I did" he said with a small smile. He looked down at Sebastian's hand and gulped as he took it in his own, "I'm sorry". "So that's the plan yeah? We do this open thing for a few weeks and you get it all out of your system before Italy?" he asked, "And if you hook up with someone, I don't wanna know".

Sebastian gave him a broad smile and moved to lay down next to Franco. "Thank you." Sebastian said to him as he wrapped his warm naked body around Franco again. This time, he didn't let go as he rested his head. "Oh? You don't want to know. I'll just turn off your news feeds now."

"You gunna make it public?" he asked with a raise of his eyebrow, "Cause that's not classy at all".

"We're going to stop talking about this.... now." Mostly because Sebastian didn't want to get into more trouble that he was already in. He gave Franco another butterfly kiss before he settled into the same pillow.

Franco shook his head with a scoff, "Don't make it public, that will rub salt in legit all my wounds" he said with a sigh as he cuddled up with Sebastian

"Oh, I think that's the first joke I've heard you make." Sebastian said proudly with closed eyes. They were starting to become heavy.

Franco shook his head, "Yeah well... Come on, before you sleep make me that promise, that you won't publicly flaunt your conquests"

"Yes, I will not purposefully publicly flaunt my conquest." Sebastian genuinely promised to the other.

Franco nodded and he sighed as he closed his own eyes, "Goodnight Sebastian"

"Goodnight love."