#sorry again i know its random
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heccfriccart · 2 months ago
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lol sorry this is the first thing ive posted in a while. but im going on a trip and I wanted to do that cute trend i saw a while ago where people take their plushies with them so help me pick
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javierduffy · 4 months ago
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different.
#can’t help but recognize how kieran is a fantastic unspoken representation of autism#i see a lot of myself in him and the way that he is so isolated and lonely and yet cannot help but perform and find solace in his daily#routines is so heartbreaking in its own way to me. like no matter what you do or where you are you have no choice but to be yourself and fun#nction the only way you know how and it will never not be vastly different from everyone else. and when you’re surrounded by people who DONT#like you and will not accommodate and are not at all willing or curious in understanding WHY you are the way you are you’re left to just ….#live in your own head forever. i’m certain kieran thinks many wonderous things and sees the world in a beautiful light and i know this becau#se i am autistic myself and because of that i see the world in colours that neurotypical people will never comprehend but we’re never allowe#d to see the world through kieran’s eyes. we are never allowed to see where his heart rests or the poetry he waxes or what he believes or wh#at his triggers are or what’s a stim and what’s just habit or anything. anything. the breeze sounds different to him and he can hear birds f#or miles and the sun makes every hair on his arms tingle and that’s why he wears layers everywhere and every green he sees sings a beautiful#song to him and yet we’ll never know. because he is too different even for the van der linde gang. he is incomprehensible to them and he doe#s all of his 4/5 daily tasks over and over and over again and while he would always do them and will always do them because they are innate#to him no one will ever know just what they mean to him. no one will ever know that kieran duffy can distinguish the horses behind him by th#eir breathing cadences behind him as he scrubs the spare saddle with the sun high above his head and he can know when something is wrong bec#ause he can hear it. no one will ever know that he CAN read but the only thing he’s interested in is books about wildlife and horses and fis#h in particular and no one will ever know because he knows no one will ever understand or even care and if they do they’ll be sure to make#it a point to tell him how DIFFERENT he is. and realistically even if the vdl’s DID come around to liking him he STILL would NEVER be unders#tood. i know for certain he would always be described as odd and despite its new affectionate approach he would still be the odd one out wit#h his daily routines and his texture preferences and his inability to make eye contact and his erratic seemingly random triggers and his#anxiety that seems to have a mind of its own. no one would ever know how bright the tree leaves are in his eyes or how every horse smells di#fferent or why sometimes it’s more fun to reel his rod in over and over instead of actually catching a fish. he will always be …. different.#sorry. novel moment. he means a lot to me.#i’m not super happy with how he looks in these but i’m just trying to draw more :’) i always say that but i always mean it too#also if my novel makes no sense then just ignore it. it’s late and my head hurts. i tend to get tangential#rdr2#red dead redemption 2#kieran duffy#image#art#hero draws sometimes
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ganondoodle · 5 days ago
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got this comment on my answer to the anon asking me why i hate totk:
" @comentter
I feel all of this so much, especially the not just lack of connective tissue, but the active dismissal of any connection to BotW, let alone any past Zelda games. That Ganondorf was just a name nothing more... I've only recently been able to enjoy BotW stuff again. I have a question though. Can you elaborate about doubling down on the flaws of BotW (or point me to a post where you talked about this?) I've seen a lot of criticism of the game, but never this specifically"
(seperate post bc i didnt want to add to an already longer post and i will keep it "short" bc i HAVE talked about it before but idk how the hell to find it either lmao)
what i broadly called 'flaws' were pretty much all things that were critized about botw and/or were lacking in general that i do not believe totk fixed at all, they either doubled down on it, made it just as bad, or pretended to fix it but didnt (and often made it even worse)
im just gonna give some of the biggest examples bc i want to keep it shorter and maybe you get the idea:
the dungeons (titans) in botw were too samey and the whole terminals thing werent the best puzzles, plus the very same kind of boss each time; on the plus side the little gimick of each titan was neat, their introduction great, they looked intimidating, its generally just .. very cool bc its a giant MECH and also it made sense in the story even if there were missed opportunities with the bosses -like making them be the possesed remains of the champions for exampls- BUT they still have the benefit of you knowing they are what killed your friends, theres a personal connection here- and you cannot climb them bc all shiekah stuff is not climable (so restricting you which is GOOD), and they got the bonus of all shiekah thigns as in they saw the future and the things are meant to be doable for you and since its been a hundred years theres people around that still know your friends of the past, you get your dead friends ability at teh end, a part of their spirit really
-totks dungeons .... well, they LOOK different from each other, but its just the surface really, each of them is 5 switches (that feel very artificially inserted since its supposedly race specific dungeons but those things are clearly sonau (zonai)) and none of them (or only the thunder ones? barely?) are connected to each other at all, so its terminals again, BUT they are also static (in contrast to botws moving titans), the already easy puzzles can be skipped easily (via totks horrible building shit that invalidates so much of the world it was inserted into bc it simply wasnt made for this), you can also climb walls so even more ways to cheat (in a boring way, having to do glitches to cheat is cooler), they also lack a personal connection, all these dungeons, especially the ones in the sky, appeared out of thin air really, and while thy try to make your friends and their villages in distress the tension it falls very flat- and it detracts further that they are in almost the exact same LOCATION AS IN BOTW (more repetition), you have NO connection to the nameless ancient sages or reason to care about them and the whole thing about your friends awakening as sages feels very ... well, bad, their stone ability makes little sense and it also seems to override what made the champions, your old friends, significant (who cares about champions? sages are way older and more important)- i will give them credit for the bosses beign different but ... its got less weight too, these monsters are just mosnters summoned there, they didnt kill the sages they are just there to supposedly stop you from gettign the stone which, i dont think is ever stated as the actual goal by anyone so it doesnt even make sense!! the only reason you go there is BECAUSE there are monsters threating the villages now! (also the sonau didnt have the future thing and also .. when were those things built? who cares, why are the fish in the sky WHY DO THE WATERWORKS IF- etc)
so overall, looks fixed on the surface, but its actually worse
weapons breaking! while i didnt mind alot of people did but it was essential to botws exploration drive, there were lots of cool weapons whose appearances changed fit to how far you were in the game (meanign they went from weak to stronger ones) and it makes sense they are all over the place with monsters using them etc
-totk then .. well the weapons still break, their base version are now all ugly rusted and very shitty for no sensical reason (its jsut to force you to fuse), you can fuse stuff to them, you HAVE to, bc id bet they are even more brittle than botw ones in their basic version, fusing uses up materials (which you also need for armor upgrades), often looks stupid and is a hassle to do espeically in mid fight, monsters and people also just do it even without having fuse and ........ strap fruit to their shields or sth instead of fixing their weapons bc i guess no smiths exist ever?
so appears fixed, but isnt actually, and i would argue, made worse (this is were i would for once say a more classic crafting system was THE fix but thats for the rewrite now lmao)
shrines! in botw there were mayn of them, often rather short or underwhelming, all look the same and tehre many that were jsut a fight which is a little boring but it made sense with the shiekah having them made for you in the future (also theres a bit of personality bc each has its own monk that made that puzzle for you and giving you their bit of spirit) and they were well integrated into the world (also the monks talk to you! they are still sittign there after all!)
-in totk, well, theres EVEN MORE OF THEM, EVEN SHORTER, and with totks building shit that they barely restrict at all (weirdly though you cant climb walls here either ....hmmm inconsistencyyyy) extremely easy to cheat in a boring way that feels less like you are cleverly exploiting the game and jsut that they didnt care, all look the same AGAIN, just with a different paint job from botw, they just ... came out of nowhere, their placements are like .. the same just a little to the left, at the end its a static statue of the main guy and his fridge wife every single time, they give you .. a .. light orb? the shrines purpose is very non sensical (banish monsters? literally how and were lol, also you need a rauru arm to get in? also where were they before? and uuh .. is the puzzle the security????i dont see mosnters running around with rauru arms?? nothign changes after you do them so banish evil how what??) and they are very much just .. put there, you know they werent there before, like the world easiest mod jsut moved them a little (they .. talk? to you? prerecorded? somehow?)
so the same but worse than in botw
krogs! (koroks) in botw .. were too many, i get it, it was a joke and something you werent meant to find all of (nintendo shoudl have known better tbh) and they were sth to fill the gaps, i dont like that they are what exapnds your inventory but its more forgivable since its the firrst time here
-now totk ... just did the krogs again, with the SAME purpose (instead of bringing back pouches! easy better rewards!!!) and EVEN MORE OF THEM, the backpacking ones have literally no reason to do what they are doing (i thought they were fleeing the forest but .. they arent) and are just there for you to fuck with them, thats the whole reason
so .... made worse, just doubled down and worse
the story/memories! in botw the main story takes place more in the past than the present, many didnt like that even if i too say it worked very well for botw, they were short but well made and skillfully gave you a glimpse of the past, enough to care about the chaarcters even if only a little and as its been long but not too long there are people still talking about it all or knowing you and what happened and getting them out of order didnt have any consequences sicne they were all more about the chaarcters rather than a story with lots of different beats, they all made sense as in you had to explore and find the places where they are with very little hints given if any, you had to explore and rememebr places! engage with the world!
-so totk ..... did the memories AGAIN, doubling down on that system, but also worse bc, now the memories are THE story, a LINEAR story that doesnt work out of order since its not about the characters but what is happening ... or HAS happened, they are EVEN MORE in the past than in botw, far far more even, no one knows or cares about these characters, there is no connection and even zelda doesnt feel like botw zelda at all, you can still find them all out of order though massively spoiling and confusing anyone (even if the story itself its pretty bad), also they are marked with ENOURMOUS GIGATOMANIAC glowing glyphs on the ground, you dont even need to think or find anything you just .. look. fly up and look, you dont have to engage with anything AND these memories are very ...... idk, flat, they somehow manage to tell you too much about the past (removign the mystery and sense of time/distance) and also not enough to make you care (its all just plot, clumsy plot) and with there being pretty much no connection to the current time (like with people knowing the champions in botw still etc) its just ... might as well be a random AU
so, memories and story in the past again, even moreso too, call that a double down
theres more obviosuly (like the tutorial being the same but worse, the abilities too being done so similarly isntead of bringing back main items, the clunky ASS UI that was bad in botw but still okay bc first tiem and also meant for the wii u- totk though?? worse, they made the shitty UI WORSE, quest rewards being a fucking joke, all the GRINDING totk is so much stupid GRINDING) maybe people dont realize this, mabye calling it doubling down isnt right but to me this is all the same, but even worse, instead of correcting and taking a few steps back to how it was before and see theres value in all those older games systems they did botw again, but worse, so .. doubling down on all the things that were bad and making them worse too, even if on the surface it may look "fixed", instead of correcting their parking by carefully going backwards they were still in first gear and slamming GO to hit the wall when you where literally telling them they werent in the backwards gear
so so many thigns in totk are just, botw again but worse, more shitty shrines instead of less, more krogs isntead of less, worse rewards, more grind, the shiekah tech again but worse, malice is miasma, the same but also worse (its not even a 3d model ... ), luminous stones are sonanium (zonaite), its everythign again but worse ........ (and also invalidates so much of botw, its jsut ... infuriating bc it FEELS so mean spirited, its just all beign overridden, nothing of botw matters bc look! look all that stuff came BEFORE THEM actually, and that was way more important ..... even down to the sonau designs its overriding so much of shiekah stuff, and im not even that big of a simp for shiekah stuff but this was supposed to be a botw sequel, the game with the shiekah tech?????? anyway ..)
(yes this is as short as i could make it on the spot, already spent two hours on this so sorry but i wont go over it to edit for another one dfnjknhdfjkbdfjk)
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faislittlewhiteraven · 1 year ago
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Been having some ISaT tech level and timeline (as in 'when backstory things happened') thoughts and want to ramble a bit:
Tech
ISaT's setting is based on your classic sword and sorcery fantasy JRPG so its easy to assume that tech wise everything is 'fantasy medieval' and call it a day but consider:
Body Craft is at bare minimum is magic sex changing surgery (earliest known equivent in our world dating to 1930) that any old person can learn to do safely on themselves in only a few months, and more likely has many many broader applications like regular old surgery, the 'combat healing' Mira and Sif use, etc.
Cameras and photos are rare enough that Odile comments on it (namely she's happy the group get a photo in the House due to them being 'so rare') yet are also common enough that everyone in the party knows about them and doesn't question the existence of a camera beyond being surprised that the mirror was one. (In our world cameras date back to the 19th century, with the earliest manufacturing of them being in 1839). 
Printing presses and ways to make plenty of paper to feed those presses given absolutely everyone in this game can read, expects everyone else to know how to, and both mass produced book series and newspapers are a thing. (Note: Printing presses have existed since waaaay back but it's the mass paper manufacturing that makes newspapers and The Cursing of Chateu Castle possible that really has my eyebrows raised here, especially since neither Siffrin or Odile find either odd in any way, indicating such things are common everywhere, and while newspapers have been around since 1604 in our world, mass produced fantasy books didn't really take off until the start of the 20th century).
Food production and storage: despite being in the middle of a national disaster that almost certainly cut off trade networks and access to most suppliers for literal months now, Bonnie, a small child, is able to easily get their hands on fresh Pineapple, curry ingredients (for samosa), potatoes, plantains etc with no issues or anyone commenting on this being unusual or lucky. Oh and the only character who even brings up the concept of potential starvation is the Fishing One, and only in a sort of 'we're not at risk now but sooner or later...' kinda way due to noticing that the fish they fish up for fun are disappearing and likely being frozen. So yeah, that heavily implies Vaugarde has very good food storage tech/Craft (possibly better than ours), and likely also good food production and harvesting tech/skills also.
The Island's incredible knowledge of the stars: while the oldest known orrery in our world is dated from around 205 to 87 BC (ancient Greek, earth centric model), the fact Sif -who would've learnt this as a child/teen- is so very certain that stars are big balls of fire made up of gas is interesting as that's something our world couldn't prove the theory of until around the 1900s (note: it'd been theorized a LONG time but Sif talks like its complete facts to them . Additionally the earliest existing record of a telescope in our world dates to a 1608 patent and we see one of those in game.
Post posting EDIT: A wonderful user qds-place pointed out that Mirabelle has anti-anxiety medication in her room. This is in both ISaT and SAaP and though we're not sure what form the medication takes (pills? Valium? Megitech esc Craft boosters???) the fact they specifically have 'anti anxiety' medication at all (as opposed to idk dragging Mira off and drugging her through the gills) is kind of impressive and if it IS modern anti anxiety pills those could be as recent in creation as the 1950s! So um. Some high levels of tech implied in chemistry there <3
So... yeah. All this, plus the fact that the highest tech implied area, The Island, literally specialised in the study/Craft of turning wishes into reality (for a long enough time period that Wish Craft is culturally so ingrained in the King and Sif that they do it without thinking and it seems intertwined with their nation's religion) has been completely erased from memory to the point anything heavily associated with them has been forgotten, and also we only ever see Dormont aka a little village well away from the cities, it's not hard to conclude that you can basically justify giving the ISaT world any level of tech you want, so long as you lock any of the truly 'setting breaking' stuff like planes and rockets behind The Island's forgetting curse (I would've said trains too but thinking about it trains were invented in 1802 so it's honestly easy to imagine that they totally exist in the ISaT setting/Vaugarde but aren't ever on screen because rail is way too dangerous to consider using while the Curse is active and potentially time freezing things on the tracks).
Side note: We know absolutely nothing about Vaugarde's transport system but as a fan of fantasy RPGs it is honestly a travesty I have yet to see a fic that has flying dragons/wyverns or other fantasy mounts in setting. Like, ok yes, the party would probably have wanted to use those but maybe they don't like the Curse and fled? Maybe the King's Curse targeted them first? Maybe all their handlers dropped the heroes off in Dormont and said 'Well Saviors it's been fun, but well me and Scales here are off to Poteria until things wrap up so best of luck to you' before buggering off?
This isn't really a serious complaint just. Me reminding myself/potentially other fanwork writers out there that there's a lot about the setting we just don't know about and limiting all travel to walking, horse drawn carriage and boat is not actually required. (Also please mix up travelling to the Island. Boats are a wonderful classic and have great thematic vibes for Sif's original leaving of the Island but like. Imagine the sheer in-universe wtf of the memories of The Island suddenly coming back and people on the north coast suddenly realising there's a massive bridge, subway or underwater tunnel leading there that everyone just forgot about - potentially filled with all kinds of Sadnesses that need taking down. Or Warp Panels in a House of Change, idk XD).
Timeline
Canon notes first:
Bonnie is a preteen (8 to 12), Mira and Isa are in their early to mid 20s (with Isa slightly older), Sif is late 20s to 30, and Odile is 40+ Nille is stated to be around 18 to 20.
Siffrin ran away from home when they were a teenager (13 to 17? 18?) and this is heavily implied to be when the Island was Forgotten.
Bonnie (in ISaT specifically*) says that Nille told them that when it happened all the adults were talking about it, hence why they think The Island is close to their village. *In Start Again a Prologue, Bonnie says that they themself remember the adults talking about the Island disappearing, which er. Is a bit impossible given they likely weren't even born yet when that happened but that can be explained away by AU differences, InsertDisc5 still finalising details between SAaP and ISaT, and/or OG Siffrin having been in the loops so long they weren't actually listening when Bonnie was talking and just 'scripted' in their head something 'close enough' to what Bonnie was saying to get the idea (note: mentioned that idea before in my post here on the differences between the House and King in Start Again vs In Stars and Time for anyone curious so er please feel free to give that a read if you haven't already).
Odile mentions remembering 'when it happened' as well and has been 'travelling for years'.
The King 'appeared out of nowhere' sometime in his adulthood, and lived in the city of Corbeaux for a few years before he became the King.
The King became the King as was freezing people in time long enough before his attack on the House of Dormont that everyone inside knew he was coming, there were a wall's worth of newspaper articles about him, and everyone was expecting Euphrasie to defeat him.
Mirabelle's quest began 'almost a year ago' and Sif lost their eye 'recently'.
Thoughts on the above:
Calculating when The Island was forgotten:
Sif being mid 20s to 30 and having run away from home as a teen means that The Island has to have been forgotten somewhere between 9 to 17 years ago with nine only possible if he ran away at age 17 and is only age 26 now, and seventeen being the far opposite if he ran at age 13 and is currently 30.
To narrow down the timeline: Given Sif ran away from home because he 'didn't want to eat his veggies' and 'just wanted to scare [his] parents a little bit' it's probably safe to assume Siffrin was likely on the younger end of the teen spectrum (teens run off all the time sure but with loving parents and over veggies? That screams 'kid who has not yet learned that freaking out the parents will get their ass grounded and/or yelled at a LOT and is therefore best saved for doing fun forbidden stuff that ideally the parents will never find out about' XD) Additionally given Siffrin can't remember his age/birthday etc but Isabeau outright says near the beginning of the game "But you're older than most of the people here?" meaning Sif must be visibly older than Isa or Mira, so he's probably closer to 30 than not.
Those alone would imply the Island likely disappeared closer to the '17 years ago' side of things BUT Nille (tops 20 years old) told Bonnie that "[the Island's disappearance] was all the adults would talk about for ages" and kids usually can't remember anything prior to 4 years of age so with that in mind...
I'd say The Island most likely disappeared between 13 to 16 years ago.
Nille stuff:
This is more a general mention but. Nille is tops 20 years old. Bonnie is between 8 and 12 and doesn't remember their parents at all.
This means Nille ran away with Bonnie and gained emancipation and custody of Bonnie (if Vaugarde has formalised that kind of legal stuff) while she was at most 12 years old herself and could have in theory been as young as 6..!
Regardless, it's very likely the original home situation was that bad, Nille deserves a ton of credit for raising Bonnie as well as she has and I'd say it's very VERY likely she had a lot of help from villagers in Bambosche and/or the local House of Change in doing so. ...But also Bonnie is very adamantly 'my sister and village' and not 'my sister and [specific names who live with us]' so there's clearly by the time Bonnie was 4 or so they were living in their own place so... Yeah. Lotta drive for independence there too it seems (so the party might have more trouble adopting Nille into their group post ISaT than Bonnie might expect).
King stuff:
Already an adult 13 to 16 years ago so at bare minimum 33. Given his vibe probably much older though.
Newspapers get printed pretty quick though for there to be so much speculation and research done into his background so quick, either Vaugarde has some form of fast messaging system (something like a Chappe telegraph on top of the Houses of Change? Odile I think does mention that they'll have a message sent to let Nille know they'll be returning Bonnie...) or the King was freezing stuff for IDK around a month or two before reaching Dormont? Alas can't find out how long it takes to walk across all of France out very easily (I'm sure the numbers are out there but my brain is pudding rn) but if we had those numbers we could probably make some guesstimates based off the rough sketched map of Vaugarde InsertDisk5 did... Which I would link but apparently the tumblr post I had it linked on has been deleted???? 'wails at this very unhappy development'
Mira's journey and Sif's eye:
We really don't know a lot but almost a year ago gives us somewhere around 9 to 11 months to spread the journey out along and after eye removal surgery the patient can out and about as soon as 2 to 6 weeks after, maybe sooner with magic healing (though full recovery/growing used to the changed spacial awareness -which Sif clearly does not have- probably can't be sped up and takes around 3 to 6 months) so um. I'd guestimate Sif's eye injury is really recent; like two months ago tops recent. ...Which sorta explains a lot of why Bonnie is not dealing with it right now and also why the others might be trying to avoid bringing it up (since Sif clearly loves avoiding the issue but they haven't yet realised that maybe they really should bring it up even if it annoys them anyway?)
Odile with some Ka Bue speculation:
When it comes to The Island, how did Odile, presumably living in Ka Bue at the time, remember 'when it happened'? Was the Island well known enough even on the other side of the world that it's disappearance made waves? Or was Odile herself or someone she's close to paying attention to the region? (Like maybe her dad or a friend is/was into politics or trade, keeping up with overseas news and got concerned it could happen to Ka Bue? I'd say 'I remember when it happened' line implies it was more immediate knowledge than being informed by a messenger much later though...)
As for Odile's 'years of travel' I have to wonder, what's left behind for her in Ka Bue? She brings up going back there quite a bit, might just miss home and possibly her father if he's still alive, but given it took her years to get here for something so personal rather than idk 'materially rewarding' I think Odile might have some kinda family estate or something back in Ka Bue... Something she wasn't worried about potentially losing while far away, but solid enough to want to return to, beyond her father who she'd definitely want to see again if he's still around. (...But given how open she is to chilling about Vaugarde a few more months with the others, I really don't think he is alive, since well, given their respective ages and travel between Vaugarde and Ka Bue apparently taking years, there'd definitely an uncomfortably high chance of him passing away while she's gone and that seems like the thing that'd stress Odile out so... Yeah. Probably got an estate in Ka Bue she'd like to take the Family to visit/possibly sell off if she decides she'd like to live with them in Vaugarde so... Just my off the cuff headcanoning here and hoping that gives others ideas or something).
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Anyway that's all the ramble I've got in me so... yeah! Hope this was interesting and useful for those needing a bit of a 'possible tech'/timeline calcs breakdown for the Island + a few more vague things and um. Probably will post a long winding ramble about my attempt at a ISaT Selkie AU fic I've been working on next <3 (Not to be confused with looped-140-and-counting's already existing and quite wonderful Selkie Siffrin AU which already has a completed oneshot fic, a snippet of sequel, two snippets of prequel/Sif flashbacking and I believe a comic too, all of which I highly recommend <3)
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phinnking · 1 month ago
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I haven't posted about epic the musical on here for awhile so apologies for how out of nowhere this is but my brain made a connection that I haven't seen anyone else talk about? In Warrior of the Mind when Athena is talking about how she met Odysseus she said "I had a challenge, a test of skill" and in the Ithaca saga the song Penelope sings is called The Challenge. The next line in Warrior of the Mind is "a magic boar only the best could kill" and in The Challenge Penelope says "I'd rather die than grow old without the best of you." Both of them made a challenge that Odysseus could beat except Athena didn't know it would be him and Penelope knew it could ONLY be him
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radiocity · 2 years ago
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The L Word | S2E01
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shakingparadigm · 1 year ago
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horrendously sick and twisted btw
#IT TEARS ME UP TO THINK ABOUT THE METEOR INCIDENT. I AM GENUINELY TORMENTED BY IT#slipping through his fingers.#it's crazy they were actually crazy for the whole meteor thing whoever thought of it needs to financially compensate NOW#i love you so much ill break every rule if it'd mean you'd be happy with me. run away with me#here i am im setting you free im giving you everything you want. could i be part of that? could i be part of what you want#till slips through ivan's fingers. world has now completely shifted#and he can't even be mad. not properly#because this is why he loves till in the first place. he just cant give up on what he cares about. he'll never stop fighting for it#ivan smiles like. this is why it's you#a lot has been said about the meteor scene already but that doesnt stop me from going insane over it#freedom means nothing if till isn't there with me WHAT IF I SHOOK YOU LIKE A RATTLE BOY#ivan was well off. he was eating at feasts. given fine clothes. groomed clean and celebrated for his achievements#yet he was willing to throw it all away#thinking about how they'd probably live on the streets again. struggle to get by on their own as lost little children#their lives would be closer to the one ivan lived in the slums#except the difference would be till. back then he had nothing. if till ran with him he'd have everything#and yet till turns and runs the other way and ivan follows him because of course he does. theres nothing else he'd rather do#any kind of suffering is worth it as long as its for you#till is stubborn. he's persistent. he can't let go.#well fortunately (or unfortunately) so is ivan. incredibly persistent#so here we go again. back in this prison brushing past one another knowing we almost had it all#I WILL GRAB YOU BY THE BOWLCUT AND WRING YOU AROUND LIKE A JOYSTICK BOY!!!!#YOU MAKE ME ILL!!!! LEAVE ME ALONE!!!!!#alnst#alien stage#alien stage ivan#random ramble sorry i have Feelings
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hirachat · 6 months ago
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why is maribug being dragged for 40 days and 40 nights rn 😵‍💫 i was trying to find edits of her and all i could see on twt and tiktok was just salt everywhereee 😞😞
i feel like i went to the maribug store and left with a deep pit in my stomach filled with grief and anger because whyyyyyy 😭 i just wanted to watch sillynette edits and im getting flashbanged with salt and straight up hate FROM PPL WHO DONT EVEN WATCH THE SHOW😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭
marinette im sorry they dont get you like i do THEY DONT EVEN KNOW U FR 💔💔💔💔💔
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liuisi · 25 days ago
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lowkey o-(-( right now
#its like im feeling the coming down from a group hangout but x10000 and also i want to cry#i dont know everything is so much forever#we have a worship night with the whole church that the music committee for youth group was only informed was going to happen on the 14th#like a week ago#and i spent so much time preparing the slides for the songs we were going to do#and all everyone has to say is that theyre too slow and too boring and not hype enough or whatever#and its like. you CHOSE these#i sent a SURVEY about what english-arabic songs we could do and wr agreed that fhe wjole youth would vote on it and would take the first 7#and thats what we DID its been SETTLED and weve practiced them twice already!!!#and its all like oh julia you always choose boring songs AGAHAGAGSGDGS sorry you cant appreciate the beauty of a hymn . i GUESS#and i GET IT but also we are doing this for the WHOLE CHURCH#so we need songs EVERYONE knows and also songs that exist in both english qnd arabic!! and those are all the old common hymns!!!#like you cant come to me and seriously say oh i found a random youtube video of a lady translating holy forever into arabic#NOBODY KNOWS IT#im genuinely going to crash out#and i dont have TIME to be doing all this im working every day every week this summer#i barely have time for myself in the evenings#and suddenly its also my role to chose the order we're doing the songs in and also find verses for transitions between the songs#like this is a thing that needs PRACTICE at least a full month before !!!!#and everyone in the worship committee except for me and 2 others are in full exam time now#WE DONT HAVE TIME TO BE DOING ALL THIS#WHY did the youth group leaders just go okay we're doing a worship night. figure it out. NONE OF US ARE ABOVE 20#and nobody is doing announcements none of the parents in the church know its happening#and also they wrre like literally ladt sunday oh it would be nice if there was food also#THAT TAKES TIME TO ORGANIZE?? also why are you asking US the worship comittee about it and not literally the food committee#AND THEN AGAIN. this is all the youth. and im the oldest person in the food committee everyone else is below 18#we cant be doing this all on our own!!#please !!!#augh. okay. God will provide.#im so tired im so tired im so tired. but He Will !!!!
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pleasedontcareaboutme · 9 months ago
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It's missing my father hours rn so imma just dump a bunch of pictures here and cry
( sorry i don't know the source of anything I just had them on my phone)
(also dont read the tags i just need to let it out lol)
#I just realized I can call him dad easier than my real dad and now I understand why am I so damn attached to him#I always knew he was a parental figure for me#but now I connected the dots#How when u have an absent dad and a d34d mom a guy shows up in ur life#that tells u life advice that both of ur parents failed to do so#and makes u feel safe the first time in ur life#ofc ud become attached#i know for sure its unhealthy how much i love and miss him#he occupies most of my thoughts honestly#But how could i not cling to him so much when he was the only one who gave me hope in life#i try to keep going and even tho he is not here i keep telling myself whatever he taught me. i keep reminding myself he wants us to live an#bloom and be free#and that's what ill try to do#but you know somedays i wish i could just disappear and be wrapped in eternal happiness#its so fucking hard to pull yourself out of the slump man im so fucking tired im so so tired#somedays i wish id have the courage to off myself but i know that deep down i want to live and ive always wanted to live but i have no idea#how to live. i feel like i finally found a purpose and someone i love. but at the same time im always doubting myself and im scared of losi#g this little hope again and i know i should cherish and use it instead but each day i have this anxiety because rn i have nothing else if#lose this i seriously will lose everything atp. but ill still try bc rn its this or death so i should try im just damn tired yes anyways#sorry for being depressing some days just dont work out but thats okay#yes at the same time i want to get out of my head and try to find some friends but i cant deny that im highkey fucked up and i just cant le#go of my past and i still feel like that helpless unloved kid and idk how to form relationships this way. i dont trust myself at all so idk#how to trust others. and i feel like in order to find ppl that would love me i have to overshare abt my whole lifestory bc it still dictate#my life heavily. and since i met this band its better cuz im learning to deal w it and i want to heal from everything but yes at the same t#me who would wqnt to be friends w. someone that has like a year of life experience and 18 years of depression lol#so yes its complicated. bc i have friends but im like the funny friend. the one that is as shallow as puddle and has no problems but honest#y im genuinely sufferint qnd have been sufferinz all my life so i want to come out of my funny friend role. but that wojld mean i have to t#ll the shit i went through to all my friends but tbh it would be so random so ye. i do have a plan though. how it could work. But yes im ti#ed have been tired for 7 years now. But this time around i hope i can successfully get out of this torture cycle lol.#ok sorry this is what happens after puberty guys i could beva research case for a damn mental institute atp xdd
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ssongsboo · 12 days ago
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bro im seeing one pact next week in the exact same venue all(h)ours performed in like two weeks ago and omg it was SO hot in there i genuinely felt sick as soon as i stepped into that building bUT ON THE 22ND ITLL BE LITERALLY 10°C WARMER THAN IT WAS THAT DAY?????? LITERALLY HOW TF AM I SUPPOSED TO SURVIVE THIS
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waterfallofspace · 1 year ago
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don't know how to format this post so welcome to waterfall is craving things and she doesn't know if it's more h-rny or lonely so enjoy a little snippet of what is playing on loop in my mind~
Person A: tshhieew!
Person B: Bless you, poor little thing~
Person A: I'm- eshh'iew! tschh- kngt'shhew! I'm not little!
Person B: Even if you aren't, your sneezes sure are~
Person A, blushing: No they're- eh'tnshiew! aeshh'iee!
Person B, with a smirk: What a poor, sneezy little thing~
#waterfallsnzarios#waterfalltalks#i guess??? idk man waterfallcraves is more accurate#just B taunting them and A being such a little blushy mess by the end#knowing that they ARE little but even if they arent! the sneezes are! they cant fight that!#not like they can fight being little either buutttt~ ;3#yes im picturing c/huuya but gotta be honest not seeing d/azai as the other#perhaps in a private little bedroom... away from prying eyes and ears...#or perhaps this is just something I crave okay i just- lil with lil snz auhegughguh#im a sucker for a kitten snz and i am! feeling things so welcome to this randomness that does NOT have a point~#(and yes okay maybe id like to be on either side of this BUT! shut up! i do not!)#(using this as a blog again- starting to get more and more used the idea that like... maybe i DO want attention???)#(always knew i craved attention but like.... always used to it being the kind of attention that i GIVE to others and maybe i get something)#(but not used to like... actual genuine attention thats just for me and that isnt kinda... idk- you give me things? so i give bak?)#(gonna be so honest!! i do not feel cute! most of the time! and usually thats okay! i like being a lil chaos gremlin :3)#(buuuuuut recently been having more friends call me cute and idk!!! maybe its not the worst thing to get to be a lil soft sometimes~)#(ANYWAYS blog post over im so sorry to anyone who read these tagssssss but here is a lil snzario that hopefully makes up for it!!)
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pr0cyon-lotor · 5 months ago
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I remember telling a friend a random romantic trope I'd think would be funny and they told me "oh like in mdzs"
...What? I'm sorry... What happens in MDZS?
What the hell even is MDZS at this point? I say a random trope or concept and it's somehow in there. I'm being slowly convinced I legitimately don't know what the plot even is in that novel
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stephantom · 4 months ago
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When the baby cries really hard for more than like 2 minutes and I can’t figure out how to make it stop (usually gas is the main problem—which, kid, I get it, that stuff can hurt), it breaks my heart, but also, I feel like I could really just stare at her face and tell her I love her over and over forever
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vilelittlecritter · 10 months ago
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So I got bored and decided to look into if Doctor Who had a large Asian audience and I ended up finding these Japanese book adaptations of some of the old stories and ngl they go hard as fuck.
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pekoeboo · 10 months ago
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ugh. some thoughts.
really been trying to find the joy in drawing/writing again and honestly it's been such a challenge. friends have told me it's most likely depression that's making it hard to feel motivated and tbh they're probably right.
hoping to get back into being creative in the way I Want to be at some point tho. I miss it. there's still so much with my stories and characters that I haven't been able to share or explain and I wish I knew how without it feeling like this daunting, impossible task.
I don't know when I'll get around to actually sharing art again (or writing, if ever). was hoping that I'd manage to get some of my mental and physical issues in check recently for just long enough to get back into the swing of being creative, but that hasn't seemed to work. everything feels bad, both artistically and physically. I'm struggling to keep up with the frantic pace at which my brain comes up with story concepts and intriguing character interactions, even tho everything in me wishes I could turn it into tangible artistic expression so I can get it out of my head and share it. it used to be easy. I don't know why it's not now.
I'm just . tired, I guess.
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