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[skyward-floored]

I really wish you could opt out of the tumblr exclusive stuff I literally never have any interest in it

[mostlycompetentwriter]

Pacemaker

F/M Pairing: Y/N x Bang Chan (SKZ)

Warnings: Let me be clear: this is a very dark narrative. I have lots of warnings for my readers, including explicit smut, vulgar language, toxic relationships, voyeurism, choking, sadism, smoking, and drinking.

Word Count: 8.2K

Genre: Sugar Daddy AU; Established Relationship

Summary: Y/N had made a lot of bad decisions throughout her life, but signing up for that stupid Sugar Daddy website? The worst of them all.

A/N: The title makes more sense in the end, but I can tell you that pacemaker’s are used to control arrhythmia's - and Seungmin might just function that way for the reader! Also, I’m really sorry for making Chan such an asshole.

Seungmin was a good best friend, even if he was determined to ruin his lungs with expensive cancer sticks. 

I had once tried to help him break the bad habit - stealing the cigarette boxes that he bought from the store and tossing them into the trash. But Seungmin made it rather difficult to break his addiction, and when I found him digging through the trash one evening, trembling fingers bringing the lighter up to his lips, I stopped trying to help him. And it might seem like a shitty thing for a best friend to abandon, but I was really tired of seeing my efforts die in vain when Seungmin made it loud and clear that he wasn’t willing to relent.

However, I was probably the worst person in the world to preach against his vices, especially when mine were far more consequential. Ironically, if I was to compare our biggest slights, then I might find a lot of similarities between our horrible habits. For instance, we were both prisoners to something toxic, and it was hard to push out those dark shadows when they had already snuffed out most of the light.

But at least Seungmin still had some control over his autonomy whereas I had allowed a single man to dictate every aspect of my existence. He decided the clothes that I would wear to his fancy office, and the things that I was allowed to do to my own person. He enacted so many rules that I could barely keep up with them, and he frequently reminded me that I was supposed to comply with whatever he demanded because I signed a foolish contract.

In the end, it was my fault for becoming so involved, but I could always rely on Seungmin for companionship when I felt another bout of existential dread. Because Seungmin was a good listener, and he made an effort to understand my problems even when he didn’t agree with my decisions. It was one of the things that I liked most about him, and I watched him with indifferent eyes as he stomped out his cigarette against the sidewalk.

Thereafter, his breath vaporized against the frigid air, and it was the only reminder that it was cold because my body had already grown numb to the sensation. “What happened this time?” Seungmin asked, raising a brow in question.

It was a deceivingly simple question because there was no straightforward answer that I could offer him in response. Instead, I shrugged while trying to collect my thoughts. Because I still wasn’t really sure how I felt about my latest rendezvous with him, but I knew for certain that it had affected me more than the other times.

“It was different,” I replied, and Seungmin nodded.

“Did he hurt you?” Seungmin asked.

“Yes, but not the kind of hurt that you’re thinking about,” I said. 

“Well, that’s still fucked up,” Seungmin said. “Tell me everything.”

Oh, but there was so much to tell him, and my mind instantly brought me back to the very beginning when I signed my name on a contract that promised so much only to deliver nothing but pain.

Six Months Ago

The worst decision of my life was predicated on my desperation for cash, and I was almost at the point where I would do anything to see another zero on my bank statement.

When I first moved to California, I had a lot of big dreams, and I was so excited to secure a scholarship to a highly-accredited University. It seemed that the world was finally on my side, and I left my home on the east coast to start a new life with more opportunities. Everything was going according to plan, and there was nothing preventing my success.

Except for me, of course. 

And it happened during the events of a single evening when I decided to attend a fraternity party on campus that my roommate recommended. The music was loud, the alcohol was unlimited, and any prior inhibitions had been thrown out the window much to my own detriment. I forgot all about my responsibilities, and I made one careless decision after another until I ended up in bed with a stranger.

I don’t even remember his name, but he was just one of the students who got busted by the police that night. Apparently, someone next door ratted us out, and they discovered a bunch of under-age students drinking alcohol without any supervision, including myself. But when the University found out, my scholarship was taken away, and my parents refused to send me extra money for tuition because they were determined to bring me back home.

But I wasn’t about to let one night ruin everything, and it was my roommate’s idea to suggest the stupid website. “It’s like a Sugar Daddy thing,” my roommate giggled. “All you have to do is sign-up, and then they’ll email you if there’s any interest.”

“Interest?”

“Well, they’ll probably want something from you in exchange for money.”

“How much money?”

“I guess that’s up to you to decide.”

Tragically, I was too desperate to consider the consequences, and I signed up without even thinking about the potential for disaster. And within a week, I got several emails from old misers offering me loads of cash in exchange for services that ranged from a private escort request to more explicit favors. But none of them stood out to me, especially in comparison to the young CEO who claimed to only be 28-years-old, but I could hardly believe his profile.

Still, I decided to entertain him, and I organized a meeting at a neutral location just in case anything funny happened. But I was still shocked to see the same man from the pictures waiting for me inside the coffee shop. And he was just as handsome as he appeared online: long, curly blonde hair, deep brown eyes, and a broad smile that took my breath away.

“Y/N?” he asked when I cautiously approached the table.

“Mr. Bang Chan?” I returned, and he laughed while rolling up the sleeves of his shirt to reveal strong, muscular arms.

“That’s me,” he said. “You can sit down if you want.”

“Of course,” I said, feeling rather foolish after standing there for so long. “I’m sorry, but I was really surprised because I honestly thought you might by lying about your age.”

“Why would you think that?” he asked, and I easily detected an accent carrying his words.

“Uh, considering the circumstances,” I said with a wince. “I feel like you could have any woman you want.”

“Oh?” Chan asked while raising one brow suggestively. “Maybe I just want you.”

“R-really?” I stuttered while wondering if I had made a good decision when I wore a skirt that afternoon. “You can probably tell that I’ve never done this before.”

“That’s alright,” Chan reassured me. “I don’t have much experience either.”

It seemed too good to be true - like there wasn’t any logical explanation for why this incredibly sexy businessman had signed up for some Sugar Daddy website when all he had to do was blink in my direction and I was already falling for him hard. “So, I guess you expect something from me.”

“I like how you do business,” Chan remarked. “We can skip all the formalities, then?”

“If you want,” I said, still feeling a bit sheepish as I glanced down at the table.

“From you, Y/N,” Chan continued. “I want a partner.”

“In what sense?” I asked. “Are you talking about something...sexual?”

“I’d really like that,” Chan said with a seductive smile. “But only if you’re interested.”

“Definitely,” I quickly agreed, throwing all caution to the wind as I surrendered to his ridiculous charisma.

“In return, you can have whatever you want,” Chan said. “Money isn’t an issue for me.”

“I really just need money for my tuition.”

“Is that all?” Chan scoffed as if he was in disbelief. “There’s got to be something else.”

I hesitated for a moment, wondering why it was so hard to ask him for those extravagances when the entire premise of our meeting rested on the basis of one exchange for another. “My apartment,” I said. “I plan to get a job in the future, but I’m struggling with rent.”

“Fuck the job,” Chan said. “I don’t mind paying your rent.” He smirked as he leaned back against the booth with a sigh. “I used to be a college student, Y/N, and I had problems paying for those things too.”

His attitude was nothing but nonchalant, and our terms were settled without a single complaint. Eventually, the deal was finalized when I met him later that evening at his lavish penthouse apartment, signing my name at the bottom of an exclusive contract that I hadn’t even taken the time to read. 

“It’s done,” Chan declared, and I watched his forearms bulge as he applied pressure to the official stamp. “We can have some fun together,” he added, and the look he gave me was nothing short of predatory. “Tell me, Y/N. Are you a virgin?”

“No, sir,” I said, watching him throw the contract aside onto the coffee table. 

“Good,” he purred while slowly unbuttoning his shirt. “Do you take birth control? I hate fucking with condoms.”

“Yes,” I whispered, and there wasn’t an ounce of shame in my entire being when I studied the hard planes of his upper torso once his chest was exposed to the room. 

Did I really just a sign a deal with a real-life Adonis?

“I’m gonna have a taste of that sweet cunt tonight,” Chan said, and one hand palmed himself over the front of his pants. “Bend over the couch for me, and keep your legs spread.”

“O-okay,” I agreed, hesitating because I wasn’t expecting him to move so fast, but I also knew that it was a foolish thought. What else should I have anticipated? There’s only one thing he wanted from me, and it’s not like it proceeded a romantic dinner or a long walk on the beach.

But it was still jarring to feel someone else’s hands on my hips - someone older and far more experienced. And his hands were proof of that confidence, perfectly assured in their motions as they drug my panties down my legs, fingers prodding against the folds of my labia. “You’re not wet enough,” Chan remarked, and I blushed because I was afraid that I had been doing something wrong. “We’ll just use lube.”

I flinched when I heard a loud POP! echo throughout the room when he opened a bottle from behind me. Then, I startled when something cold penetrated between my thighs because I wasn’t used to the overbearing sensation, and the flex of his fingers were incredibly thorough as they explored the private walls stretched around his intrusion. It felt nice, though, feeling him moving around, brushing against sensitive zones that had me moaning against the cushions.

“What a good slut,” Chan said, and I found myself whimpering at the derogatory term. “Let me use my cock instead.”

I gasped when his fingers disappeared in the middle of my approaching orgasm, leaving me clenching desperately for something to fill up the places that had left empty. But the sound of Chan shuffling out of his pants was reassuring, and he was nothing but teasing when he slid the head of his cock up and down my entrance. Spreading his pre-cum while prodding against me with the tip of his erection. 

If I hadn’t been wet before, then I was positively drenching from the surprisingly playful foreplay. “Please,” I whined, and he must’ve been feeling merciful since it was our first meeting because he pushed himself the rest of the way inside between my walls with a grunt. Satisfying that persistent ache which demanded some sort of satisfaction from the fat cock splitting me with every aggressive plunge against my g-spot.

“There we go,” Chan hissed, and his fingernails dug into my skin while he rolled my hips back onto his cock - repeating the motion with a sensual rhythm that was slow but fulfilling. Deep and full. Pounding into my hips with every thrust and chanting obscenities into the air while the smell of sex hit me with as much force as his thighs knocking against mine. “Feels so good around me.”

I moaned at his husky tone, and slid further down the armrest of the couch because my clit was rubbing deliciously against the furniture that he had bent me over, and I focused on the addicting friction and the impression of his cock drilling inside my pussy until I came with a loud moan. 

“Shit,” Chan cursed when I clenched even tighter around him, and the pleasure was like a dramatic rise - a climactic high - and I fell back into the moment with my heart pounding against my chest while Chan continued to plummet his cock into the stimulated entrance of my cunt before I felt his cum trickle down the inside of my legs. 

“Good girl,” Chan said, and he landed a sharp slap to my ass before he was walking out of the room, stuffing his cock back into his pants while I looked down at my hands and wondered what I was supposed to do next.

And several long minutes passed before I realized that Chan wasn’t coming back, and I tried to ignore the sensation of his cum drying on my skin as I pulled my skirt back on over my sore hips. 

Is this how it would be every time? 

I grimaced at the thought, but I knew it was still a better alternative than returning home to my disappointed parents. Because Chan would at least help me stay in school, and he wasn’t really asking for that much in return. 

Right?

But my heart was aching when I left his penthouse around midnight, returning to the shared apartment with my roommate and slinking into the shower while doing my best to remain quiet. Unfortunately, my thoughts were starting to become more rampant - louder than the prevailing silence - and I couldn’t stop thinking about the encounter with Chan. Because it was the second time that a random stranger had fucked me without consideration, and I would never forget how I felt in that moment, scalding my skin under hot water while scrubbing insistently with my fingernails scratching across my arms.

And I went to sleep that night thinking about the future for the first time since I lost my scholarship. For instance, how long would I have to keep doing this? Can it really end after my graduation?

Needless to say, I was unable to reacquaint myself with the familiar comforts of sleep, and I woke-up the next morning feeling like a much weaker version of myself. It was both a literal and metaphorical description for my current state of mind and physical being, and I forced myself to endure my regular routine so that I could leave for class on time.

But even as I was starting to feel better again, savoring the cool air of the morning as I walked through campus, everything was ruined when I received an unanticipated phone call from Chan around lunchtime:

“Can you come into my office today?” Chan asked, and I checked my watch.

“I can be there in twenty minutes.”

“Perfect,” Chan said, and I hung up the phone before jogging to the bus stop.

The Voyeur

Chan’s office building was extravagant, and I had trouble finding his company because it seemed like there was no end to the numerous corridors. Thankfully, a polite worker was willing to steer me in the right direction, and I greeted Chan’s secretary with a nervous exhale of my name.

“He’s waiting for you inside,” she said with a bright smile. “But make sure to lock the door behind you.”

“Oh, sure,” I said, puzzled by the strange request, but I entered the room with a dismissive shrug, glancing back to turn the lock before stumbling in my steps when I realized that someone who was not Chan stood in the middle of the room.

He was a younger associate, and his hair was slicked back with some kind of product as he observed me with the faintest hint of a smirk. “You must be Chan’s newest plaything.”

I gasped at the stranger’s words. “Chan-” I attempted to call for him, but cold fingers wrapped themselves around my throat in warning.

“Shhh,” Chan whispered into my ear, and I trembled when one of his hands went down to the waistband of my skirt. “You’re right on time, Y/N.”

“Sir,” I said, trembling when he found my clit through the fabric, applying rough circles with a growl.

“Go sit on top of the desk for me,” Chan said. “Take off your skit and panties.”

“But there’s someone else-”

“Did you not hear me?” Chan interrupted, and there was an intimidating warning in his eyes that I found myself unable to ignore.

“Yes, sir,” I said in compliance, and I tried not to think about the situation unfolding in front of me. Instead, I carefully walked around the unfamiliar man without making eye contact, even though his gaze was focused on me the entire time. “Is this what you wanted me to see?” the newcomer asked, and I startled at the sound of his voice as I slipped out of my clothes.

“I think she’s your type,” Chan said, and he nonchalantly strolled through the room with his hands tucked into his pockets. “This is what you like, Jisung? Sit back and relax.”

Jisung pursed his lips as he found a comfortable position on one of the futons, and I gasped when I realized that he had unzipped his pants, fishing out his cock while casually stroking the full length of his erection, gaze fixed on the place where Chan was standing in front of me.

“Bend over, whore,” Chan growled, and I turned around in an instant, shivering when he forced my legs to spread even further apart, applying pressure to my lower back as I arched even higher for him. “Have you ever seen a prettier cunt?”

“Finger her for me,” Jisung requested, and I closed my eyes when Chan penetrated three fingers inside at once. Because it was a distant shout from his treatment the previous night, and I found myself enduring the pain from being aggressively handled. 

“Is this to your satisfaction?” Chan asked, and he was moving lightning fast, thrusting his fingers so fast that my body wasn’t sure how to process the rapidly growing pressure building with every curl of his wrist.

“Fuck her then,” Jisung said, and I could hear the slick sound of his hand moving on his cock to match the pace of Chan’s motions inside of me.

“No problem,” Chan said, and his cock replaced his fingers with one harsh plunge, forcing my hips to collide with the side of his desk as he started an unrelenting pace, hands holding tight to my waist as he treated me as nothing more than his personal cock-sleeve.

My pleasure wasn’t a concern, and I could tell because he never once asked me if I was feeling good. Instead, he panted like a dog into my ears, groping along my chest while rolling his hips up into mine - grinding his cock as deep as he could manage. 

“Chan...” I trailed off at one point because there would surely be bruises once he was done with me.

“Is there a problem, Y/N?” he asked, and I quickly shook my head even as he started thrusting even harder, forcing his cock even deeper inside my gaping core - brushing against previously untouched places that awakened something almost feral.

“No, sir,” I managed, choking around a moan when his fingers tightened around my throat again.

“He likes to watch,” Chan whispered, slowing down to a sensual grind while he spoke to me. “It gets him off every time.”

“I didn’t know,” I said in return, even though no response was really warranted.

Especially when Chan leaned back once again, picking up from where he had left off from before, and there was a stuttered hiccup to the way he moved - like he was nearing his own breaking point. His fingers curled themselves into my hair, forcing my head to the side to meet Jisung’s unwavering gaze.

“Jisung,” Chan said, and the voyeur himself looked up at the two of us with lust reflecting in his eyes. “Is it everything you wanted?”

“Keep going,” Jisung simply said in return, and Chan was laughing in the moments preceding his orgasm, spilling his seed between my convulsing walls before pulling out with a groan.

“You did good, Y/N,” Chan said, and he reached down for my discarded skirt.

Meanwhile, I glanced around Chan to see Jisung reaching for the tissue box on the table. “Thank you for the show, Mr. Bang.” Jisung said, and he cleaned off his cock before tucking himself back into his jeans.

The Sadist

That unexpected situation should’ve been the first and only sign required for me to break off the engagement with Bang Chan, but I was starting to grow addicted to the ostentatious gifts that he sent me.

Because on that same afternoon, I returned to my apartment to find a brand new SUV waiting for me outside my complex. It was the newest model, and my roommate was hysterical with excitement as she jumped around the front lawn and told me all about how a random man had brought the car to our apartment asking for me. 

“I don’t know who you’re seeing,” my roommate remarked. “But if he keeps doing this kind of thing...”

“Yeah,” I agreed with a faint smile, and there was still an active part of me that thought I could put up with Chan if it meant receiving things like this in return.

Plus, I somehow deluded myself into thinking that everything was fine, and I guess my lectures on argumentative writing must’ve worked too well because I convinced my stubborn brain to endure the arrangement for a little while longer. 

It also helped that Chan hadn’t spoken to me much in the week following our little date in his office, and I was able to forget about the encounter with Jisung. Plus, my tuition was paid, my bank account was full, and there were always expensive things allowing me to take advantage of a lavish lifestyle.

It was hard to argue against the current trajectory of my situation, but there was still a painful reminder of its price when Chan eventually called me the following Friday with another request:

“I’m having a guest over tonight,” Chan said. “And you’re the entertainment.”

I swallowed hard at his brusque tone. “Entertainment?”

“It’s nothing to worry about,” Chan reassured me, and I could only process his words while the dial tone played in the background.

But maybe I could handle the addition of a guest, especially if it was just Jisung or someone watching again. That hadn’t been so bad, and the worst part was the initial shock of seeing another man in the same room. 

Maybe I was just overreacting, and this would be a regular night where Chan would fuck me in his bed and I would limp home and sleep on the brand new satin comforter he had bought for me.

Unfortunately, my initial enthusiasm was dulled when I knocked on the door to Chan’s penthouse, and he answered my summons with another man lingering in the background. But the other man wasn’t Jisung, and a single chill rolled down my spine when Chan’s guest turned around to look at me for the very first time. “You’re early,” Chan said with a pleasant smile. “We were just pouring ourselves some drinks.”

“That sounds nice,” I said, allowing Chan to take my coat before he led me into the living room.

“This is my associate, Lee Minho,” Chan said, nodding in the direction of the freshly identified man who was unreasonably handsome as he sat down across the room.

“The pleasure is mine,” Minho said with a smirk, and I had no words to match his arrogance, but Chan pulled me into his lap and I took some strange comfort from his embrace.

“Minho and I have been friends for years.”

“What a tragedy,” Minho remarked, and the simple jest was met with a chuckle from Chan who wrapped an arm around my waist.

“He was really excited to meet you as well.”

“Especially after listening to Jisung run his mouth,” Minho said, and I froze at the mention of the other man because that was the moment when everything started to plummet, and I could see the change in Minho’s gaze as he lowered his eyes to my chest.

“Can I see her tits?” Minho asked, holding his glass of scotch in one hand while the other disappeared down the front of his pants.

“Of course,” Chan said, and he didn’t seem to care at all about his friend’s vulgar request, pulling me back against his chest as his fingers worked apart the buttons on my blouse. “She doesn’t mind. Isn’t that right, Y/N?”

I shook my head, paralyzed by Minho’s impenetrable gaze as he inhaled sharply when Chan removed the shirt from my arms. “Those are nice.”

“Aren’t they?” Chan agreed, and his fingers tweaked my nipples. But I shivered at the pressure, nearly jumping in his lap from the sudden stimulation as his thumbs rolled across the hardening buds.

“You ever fucked them before?” Minho asked, parting his lips around the rim of his glass.

“No,” Chan said, and his tone reflected his disappointment. “I guess I’ll have to try that in the future.”

“They’re a good size,” Minho remarked, and I couldn’t help but feel humiliated because they were talking about me in such a vulgar manner - like I was just a piece of meat on display for them.

“I like her tits,” Chan agreed. “But I think her ass is my favorite.”

Minho scoffed at that. “Isn’t that always your preference?”

“Why do you think I like fucking her from behind?” Chan laughed, and Minho smiled before draining the rest of his alcohol.

“Where did you get her?” Minho asked, and I watched as he removed his expensive suit jacket.

“Do you remember that website Jisung showed me?” Chan smirked. “It’s probably the best idea that he’s ever had.”

“Mhmm,” Minho agreed, and his lecherous eyes continued to openly stare at my breasts. “Has Changbin seen her yet?”

“No,” Chan said, and then he sighed. “I’m afraid to introduce them.”

“She’s exactly his type,” Minho remarked. “He’ll want to fuck her for sure, and I doubt you’ll tell him no.”

“He’s convincing,” Chan said, and he smirked while his lips pressed wet kisses against my neck and his hands massaged my breasts. “What would you want to do with her?”

“Me?” Minho chuckled, and his dark eyes were appraising. “I’d probably fuck her mouth, and then maybe cum on her tits.”

“That sounds reasonable,” Chan said, and then he was shoving against me from behind. “Get on your knees,” Chan growled into my ear, and I shivered at the guttural sound before falling from his lap and into the floor.

Meanwhile, Minho continued to watch me while stroking his cock, tongue darting out to wet his lower lip. “Is this an invitation?”

“Take her mouth,” Chan said, and he reached out for his discarded glass of brandy. “I don’t think she’ll mind.”

Minho smirked in response, and he pulled the occupied hand from his pants long enough to stand up from the couch, taking another step forward until his crotch was level with my face. “Is that true, little girl?” Minho asked, and I held my tongue when his fingers traced across my lips. “Do you want to suck my cock?”

I could feel Chan’s eyes on me, and I knew better than to disobey. “Yes,” I whispered, and Minho closed his eyes around a groan.

“Channie picked a good little cocksucker,” he said, and he quickly undid his pants, pulling them down his thighs along with his boxers. I inhaled when his cock was freed from the confines of his underwear, slapping against his stomach with a bead of pre-cum waiting on the tip. “Go ahead,” Minho said. “Let’s see what you can do for me.”

I swallowed hard, and I decided to start with a few strokes of his hardening erection - feeling the length of him under my hand because I knew that it would be painful to fit him inside my mouth. “Don’t tease,” Chan said, and I shivered at his harsh tone.

“I’m sorry,” I said, and I decided not to waste another moment before I was parting my lips around the head of Minho’s cock, tasting the gathered pre-cum on his tip. It was bitter because it was overwhelming, and my jaw was already aching as I hollowed my cheeks and tried to prevent my teeth from scraping across the sensitive underside of his erection.

“Harder,” Minho growled, and he reached down to grab fistfuls of my hair while forcing the remainder of his cock down my throat - triggering my gag reflex with the sudden motion. 

“I guess she’s not used to it,” Chan remarked - like it wasn’t a big deal that I could barely breathe around the intrusion, and spit was dripping from my lips as he proceeded to use me like I was nothing more than a warm space to fill with his cock.

“I’ll teach her for you,” Minho said, but it wasn’t a kindness to feel the tip of his cock hit the soft palate of my mouth, dragging between my lips as he ground his hips while moaning around a curse. 

But I still tried my best, sucking at the skin and using my tongue to trace against the ridges. I also kept my hands firmly behind my back, trying my best not to reach out for his thighs because I was afraid that he wouldn’t appreciate the feeling of my nails digging into my skin. Not that he seemed to be extending the same courtesy - fucking my mouth with loud grunts and tugging on my hair with enough force that my scalp was screaming for me to intervene.

“Does it feel good?” Chan asked.

“Oh, fuck yeah,” Minho said, and his eyes were glossy from the alcohol settling into his system and the approaching orgasm which I could taste as I tried my best to swallow around him.

And it was almost disorienting when he pulled himself free, keeping one hand in my hair while the other stared to stroke the length of his erection with rapid jerks. “Look at me,” Minho growled, and I forced my gaze to meet his own. “I’m gonna cum on your tits,” Minho snarled, twisting my hair as I did my best to nod around the impossible hold.

“Shit, that’s hot,” Chan whispered, and I closed my eyes when Minho finally came, spraying his hot cum across my chest as his thighs trembled from the effort.

“Damn,” Minho said, and he took a strategic step back to survey me from afar. “She looks better this way.”

“I definitely agree,” Chan said, but I only felt disgusting as I sat there on my knees with their eyes observing my wilted figure. 

The Participant

For an entire week after my encounter with Minho, every time I spoke, or did something as simple as drink or eat with my friends, I was reminded of him. 

It wasn’t necessarily the worst thing that had ever happened to me, and I couldn’t deny that there was a small part of me that had been aroused at the idea of Minho’s rough treatment. But the problem emerged from the lack of disclosure from Chan because he seemed to take impressive liberties with the contract. And I didn’t mind having sex with the older man since I gave him my full consent, but these surprises that he sprung on me when I wasn’t expecting them? I wasn’t entirely happy about those.

In fact, the more that I thought about the incident with both Minho and Jisung, the more infuriated I became, and I couldn’t help the brusque tone that I used to greet Chan over the phone when he randomly contacted me the following weekend.

“Someone’s having a bad day,” Chan said, and I didn’t appreciate his accompanying laughter. 

“It’s just my classes,” I offered as a response, pinching the bridge of my nose to try and prevent an oncoming headache.

“I hope it’s not too bad because I’d like for you to meet me in the office,” Chan said, and I agreed without really thinking about the consequences. Because the last time I went to Chan’s office, I found myself being fucked on top of his desk with an executive watching in the background.

But I guess this was what I had literally signed up for, and Chan couldn’t possibly know that I hated our most recent encounters because I still wasn’t able to find the confidence to tell him. And maybe it was better this way since our arrangement was nothing but a superficial agreement between two consenting adults - we were both getting something out of it, and I didn’t want to risk losing the invaluable funding that he sent to my stunningly healthy bank account.

Instead, I put on my best smile for him when I walked into his office, greeting him at his Secretary’s desk as she offered me a courteous welcome. Does she know what’s going on? I wondered to myself when Chan took my hand and led me to the giant executive desk where he worked.

He chuckled when he patted his lap, and I dropped my bag onto the floor before dropping myself down between his strong thighs. “There you are,” Chan said with a smirk, tracing the pout of my lips with his thumb. “You look sexy today.”

“Thank you,” I said, and I hated to sound so timid in front of him, but he was still beyond intimidating, and I never knew what to expect from someone who continued to surprise me.

“I’ve missed you,” Chan said, and I hesitated when his hands found the hem of my t-shirt, crawling along the skin of my torso to hold me in place. “Last time was really fun.”

“Yeah,” I agreed, but it wasn’t very convincing. Thankfully, Chan didn’t seem to notice, and he brought me in for a sloppy kiss so that I could taste the mouth wash on his tongue.

“Let’s take a walk around the office,” Chan said, and I agreed because it seemed relatively normal in comparison to what he usually asked from me.

It was also startling domestic to hold his hand as he walked me through the maze of cubicles, talking about taxes and the stock market and whatever else he found interesting. In response to most of his conversation, I found myself nodding because I couldn’t comprehend his big text jargon or the complicated explanation when it involved his return on investment numbers.

“How about some lunch?” Chan suggested, and I agreed even though my stomach had twisted itself into knots during the ride over here.

However, when Chan reached out to hit the button to call for the elevator, he paused when he made eye-contact with someone walking out of the conference room. He sighed as he turned me around. “This is awkward,” Chan said, and I noticed that the tips of his ears were bright red. “I may have shown Changbin some pictures of you and....” Chan trailed off with a smile. “He really liked what I showed him.”

“Changbin?” I questioned, and Chan jerked his head to the side to indicate the exceedingly handsome gentleman who was lingering outside of the conference room with his eyes glued in our direction.

“Changbin really likes you,” Chan whispered, smiling as he allowed one hand to fall down and palm my ass.

I heard a sharp intake of breath, and I felt my entire face flush when I realized that it had come from Changbin. He was brazenly eye-fucking me from where he was standing, and I couldn’t even imagine the dirty thoughts running through his mind.

“He wants to fuck you,” Chan continued as if we were having a conversation about something as casual as the weather. “And I kinda want to see him pound this little pussy.”

He then audaciously cupped the heat between my legs and I squirmed around in his arms because we were in public. “What are you doing?” I asked, and there was every reason to panic when anyone could see us like this - when Changbin was already looking at us like we were incredibly interesting.

“He’s got a really big cock,” Chan added like that was supposed to convince me. “But I know that you’ll do it for me, right?”

I hesitated at his request, glancing back over my shoulder at Changbin who was still watching the two of us with a predatory gaze. “When?”

“Tonight,” Chan said before pressing a surprisingly gentle kiss to my lips. “I’ll have something nice sent to your apartment. Wear it for us, won’t you?”

“Of course,” I agreed, and the response sounded robotic even to my own ears.

True to his word, Chan had sent over a rather scandalous pair of lingerie to my apartment - a matching set of underwear that included a red thong and delicate bralette with lace elegantly lining the comfortable padding. There was also a very short black shirt in the package and a thin camisole which wasn’t meant to cover much of me. And I grimaced at my reflection in the mirror when I realized that I looked like someone out of Chan’s wet dream.

But instead of walking through campus with such an appearance, I had wrapped my scantily-clad form in a long coat when I greeted Chan that night outside of his apartment, hoping that he wouldn’t question my desire to ride the bus in something more appropriate for public viewing. But maybe he was too turned on to scold me, dragging me inside his apartment and closing the door before opening the front of my coat.

“Fuck,” he growled when he saw me in my outfit. “You look so good in this.”

“Thank you,” I whispered in return, and Chan tossed aside my coat while reaching down for my hand.

“There’s no reason to delay tonight’s fun,” he commented. “Changbin’s already waiting in the bedroom,” he said.

I swallowed hard the mention of the other man, trying to piece together my disorganized thoughts when Chan invited me inside the lavish bedroom that was the exact same size as my entire apartment. But I also wasn’t surprised by the ostentatious reminder of his tremendous wealth, especially when I realized that there was someone waiting inside just as Chan had promised. The same man from earlier at the office was sitting in a chair near the corner of the room, dressed in his work suit and looking at me from beneath a fringe of blonde hair while his fingers tightened around his whisky glass.

“You were so patient, Bin,” Chan remarked as he reached down to remove his shirt. 

“I think she’s worth it,” Changbin replied, and I tried not to squirm too much under his impenetrable gaze.

“What do you think of her outfit?” Chan asked, and he smirked while squeezing my ass through the skit.

“I’d rather see what’s underneath,” Changbin said, and his attitude was so nonchalant that I couldn’t deny that a small part of me was attracted to his eagerness.

“That can be arranged,” Chan agreed, and I held perfectly still as he removed my tank top before jerking my skirt down my thighs. 

He didn’t even need to tell me to step out of the offending piece of fabric, sliding it across the floor as I stood in front of Changbin in nothing more than the skimpy lingerie that Chan had chosen for me. “Damn,” Changbin grumbled, and one hand slid down his chest before settling on top of the obvious bulge in his pants.

“Shall we start?” Chan grinned, and I watched as he walked over to the bed to make himself more comfortable on top of the mattress before holding out his arms for me. “Come here, Y/N.”

I nodded, crawling over the silken sheets while Chan whispered compliments into the silent bedroom. “She’s so fucking hot,” Changbin remarked, and I held my breath when Chan used his raw strength to turn me around - bringing my back flush against his chest as one arm wrapped itself across my chest. I shivered in response to his impressive muscles, pressing myself even closer to him while his other hand crept down to remove my panties

“Look at this,” Chan whispered, ripping the fabric and exposing my bottom half for Changbin’s eyes. “Such a pretty cunt.”

Changbin inhaled sharply at the exposed skin, and he stood from the chair to walk over the edge of the bed. I closed my eyes because he was shameless, palming his erection over his pants while his eyes glued themselves between my thighs. “Spread her legs for me.”

Chan nodded, and I could feel the way his fingers parted the wet folds of my labia before he drug his thumb along my sensitive clitoris. 

“Oh, fuck,” Changbin growled, and his eyes were bright with lust as Chan continued to tease my throbbing sex while mouthing kisses against my throat.

“Do you see something you like?” Chan asked his friend as if the question was even necessary.

“Let me fuck her, Chan,” Changbin snarled, and I watched as he unzipped his suit pants before dropping them to the floor along with his boxer shorts, fisting his cock in one hand while the other worked at the buttons on his shirt. 

“I don’t know...” Chan trailed off with a teasing tone. “I’m not really in the mood to share.”

“We both know that's a lie,” Changbin said with a humorless laugh. “Otherwise, I wouldn’t be here right now.”

I bit my tongue to hold back a moan when one of Chan’s fingers penetrated my tight walls, putting on a show for Changbin as he maintained eye contact with his business partner. It was like they were engaged in some sort of competition over me, and I was melting from Chan’s ministrations, feeling him move around with his fingers curling against all the right spots. He also started to scissor his fingers to stretch me out in preparation for whatever else might happen, and Changbin whimpered as he continued to stroke his hand up and down the impressive length of his throbbing cock. 

“I guess you can have it,” Chan said, and I yelped when he shoved me off his lap, tossing his legs over the side of the bed. “Hands and knees,” Chan barked, slapping my ass for good measure before he walked over to the same chair in the corner of the room. “You’ll be a good slut for Changbin.”

I whimpered at the rough treatment, and I tried to avoid Changbin’s gaze as I positioned myself on the center of the bed, dropping down onto my forearms while I raised my ass high in the air. I was breathing hard against the sheets, feeling my pulse skyrocket when the bed dipped beneath Changbin’s weight as he mounted me from behind. 

“Are you ready for me?” he asked, and I shook my head when he started to grope my ass, pulling apart my cheeks as his fingers prodded against the dripping entrance to my cunt. “Say my name, slut!”

I nearly screamed from the force of the slap he landed on my ass, and I took a deep breath to manage the pain. “Please, Changbin,” I sniffled, and there was nothing but blinding hot pleasure when he rubbed the tip of his cock up and down my slit.

However, he wasn’t nearly as patient as Chan, and I was shaking around the abrupt intrusion of his cock. He also wasn’t gentle, holding my hips with a bruising grip before he fucked his cock inside my wet heat, leaving me no room to breathe before he was driving his hips against mine like there wasn’t enough time in the world to split me open for him. “Shit,” Changbin hissed, and I was powerless when he shoved my face down into the pillows, forcing me back into an even deeper arch. 

“Play nice, Bin,” Chan said, and I could barely spot him from the corner of my eye. “You know I don’t like it when you break my toys.”

“Can’t help it,” Changbin grunted, and I could feel the fat head of his cock brushing against my cervix. 

“She feels good right?” Chan asked, and I finally located him, following his voice to see that he was rubbing his erection through the tented fabric of his pants.

“Her cunt is tight,” Changbin agreed, and he wasn’t even thrusting anymore; instead, he was manhandling me up and down his cock, slamming his hips against mine and filling the room with the sounds of wet slaps and crude moans as he chased his own pleasure.

He was fucking me like a madman, breath hot on the back of my neck. Everything was fast and hard, and the sound of the headboard hitting the wall was especially loud. “Fuck,” Changbin muttered, and I thought he might be slowing down, but he just adjusted his grip and set a brutal pace and fucked me even harder.

It was all too much, and I wasn’t expecting to come, but when he lifted one of my legs for a better angle, I felt a sudden wave of arousal drip around Changbin’s thick erection because he was scraping across my G-spot with every stroke. I moaned at the direct stimulation, and it felt like there was an impossible pressure building at the center of my abdomen, stretching and stretching until my vision nearly blacked out from the intensity of my orgasm.

“Yes!” Changbin groaned when I inadvertently squeezed around his cock even tighter, providing enough pressure to trigger his own orgasm. And I could feel his warm cum as it decorated the cavern of my pussy, escaping the place where we were connected with a squelching sound when he eventually pulled out.

“What a mess,” Chan groaned.

“Such a good little whore,” Changbin purred, reaching down to stuff his cum back inside where it belonged. I whined at the over-stimulation, but Changbin growled in response and slapped my ass hard. “I want one more round,” Changbin declared, leaving me lying on the bed as he rolled over to the side. 

“Sure,” Chan agreed, and I felt his hand soothing along the side of my face as he wiped away my tears. “How long do you need to get it back up, old man?”

“Shut up,” Changbin muttered. “Give me ten minutes.”

‘Well, that’s all I need,” Chan remarked, and I whimpered when he took his turn to mount me from behind, twisting his fingers into my hair as he slid his cock inside with one hard thrust, grinding his hips in long, sensual circles while whispering the filthiest words into my ears.

Present

It wasn’t very much like me to reveal all those intimate secrets, but something about Seungmin’s presence was safe and comforting. “What an asshole,” Seungmin remarked, discarding a fresh cigarette that he hadn’t even bothered lighting before returning his attention to me. “You deserve so much better than him.”

“He pays for everything,” I said. “He pays for my tuition, and he sends checks for the rent...”

“So?” Seungmin scoffed. “I can help you get a job at the diner where I work. You can make enough money to pay for those things without him.”

“It’s just so hard...” I broke off with a sudden exclamation, and my emotions were spilling out despite my attempts to suppress them, holding Seungmin even closer by the collar of his jacket as I sobbed into his shoulder. “He owns me.”

“No, he doesn’t, Y/N,” Seungmin said with a firm tone. “Do you understand me?”

I shook my head. “I signed a contract!”

“Every contract has a loophole,” Seungmin said. “And I’m sure it expires at some point, or you can negotiate your way out of the terms!”

“He’s a businessman,” I argued. “There’s no way I can win.”

“Not with that attitude,” Seungmin said with a fierce look. “You’re not alone, Y/N. I’ll even help you figure out how to leave him, but that’s what you need to do because this relationship is not good for you!”

“I kept telling myself that I didn’t care,” I whispered, sighing when Seungmin carded his fingers through my hair. “I guess I cared too much.”

“It’s alright,” Seungmin said, holding me close as he spoke reassurances into my stubborn ears.

“I’m scared, Seungmin,” I told him, and he nodded.

“I’ll give you all my strength,” he promised, and the sincerity of his words triggered a fresh wave of tears, and I cried while thinking about the difficult situation that I found myself in. 

The idea of Chan’s arrangement had once been enchanting because everything he promised seemed like a dream come true. But the reality was nothing short of a nightmare. And I was suddenly desperate to escape.

[jj-ktae]

Note I - Ionones -

Moodboard : Courtesy of the lovely Jacqueline @jaebeomsmullet​ ! Thank you for helping and hyping and just being here whenever I need it.

›  Title : Fragrances ›  Genre : Angst, Fluff, Romance, Composer!Jungkook x Perfume Maker!Reader ›  Pairing :  Jeon Jungkook x Female Reader ›  Warning : Mentions of Suicide, heavy subjects, depression (none of these are used with the idea of glamourising mental illness), strong language, smut in later chapters probably. Do not read if any of these trigger you.

›  Author’s note : This is another version of the story I wrote a few years ago for GOT7. Some of the events will be different, others will not change just like some paragraphs will be the same and others won’t. Informations, definitions and words are taken from this website.

›  Summary : In the world of Perfume making, it is believed that everyone has their own natural fragrance. It is also believed that everyone has that one scent capable of making them feel a thousand things. You find yours in the form of a composer on the verge of breaking, right when you have to face one of the biggest challenge in your life.

Masterlist | Note I - Ionones |  Note II : Aldehydes

________

Note I: Ionones 

Violets and Iris depend on this group of highly valued synthetic chemicals. Used in small amounts in many floral, green, woody perfumes. Although this group of chemicals is dominated by just two chemicals "Ionone" and "Methyl Ionone" there are many, many isomers and qualities available that give different odour profiles from fruity - violet - green to iris. An important function is they act as blenders in a perfume helping the perfume to smell harmonious. It is also interesting to note that the nose quickly fatigues when smelling Ionones and the smell appears to fade. This same effect is found when smelling natural Violet flowers. 

You are going back home the first time you meet him. It takes a nanosecond for the feeling to hit you straight in the bones. It forces your steps to slow down and stiffens your muscles right in the middle of the streets. You think for a minute, contemplative and in awe. Nothing about his physical appearance strikes you at first, it’s your nose doing all the job. It’s overwhelming, and so very rare it can’t be ignored. You come across this type of person once in your life as they say, causing an overwhelming feeling you never pegged as being so entrancing. It brings back memories from times you thought were forgotten, makes you want to scream and laugh. He is leaning on the bridge’s safety barrier and he doesn’t see the way you’re frozen behind him, blinking. You have never met him but it feels like you’ve known him forever.

You almost forget about your dear bed for a minute, but your phone tears you out of your adoration and you snap, your pace fastening before the man can turn around. It is hard to say if he was able to see you, and you don’t want to go away but you’re aware it might seem weird so you just keep on walking. Your body revives and your heart slows when the air turns evanescent.

You’re at home when your phone rings again, which pulls an annoyed groan out of your mouth. “What?” you mumble, plopping on the sofa in desperation.

“You need to come to the meeting tomorrow morning.” Your boss’ voice feels like a scratch on broken glass and you wince, unpleased “they want you to be here, and we have to make sure they’ll work with us.” He adds to soften you.

“I’m never invited to these and I like it better that way, why tomorrow?”

“It’s a big brand, I want them to see who is going to be in charge of their perfume. They don’t want to talk with managers. They don’t care. I promised you holidays and I swear once this is over you’ll have it. Please.”

The headache is pounding yet you sigh, defeated. You can’t reject this, you’re in no position to do that.

“I’ll be here.” You sigh, his relief now evident yet adding to your misery.

He is beaming on the phone, rushing thanks and stuttering, probably because of what seems to be a big, juicy contract. Exciting. His voice is way too loud when he wishes you a good night, leaving you with the deafening silence once he hangs up. 

Being a composer is your job. You’re often called a perfume-composer, a perfume maker or even a perfumer and all of these are fine with you. It all explains the same thing; you use your nose to put scents together and create a perfume. You usually work with a tight schedule and precise requests, leaving you with generic projects. They involve what you call capitalist perfumes, targeted and produced for masses instead of harmony. Nowadays perfumes are for ‘suave’, ‘sexy’, ‘dynamic’ or even ‘active’ people. They’re best-sellers, perfumes you smell in the streets, shops, public transport, elevators. They’re repetitive and senseless. What used to be something exciting is now boring and dull. 

You’re even starting to be disgusted by some of your creations.

And it’s for a good reason. People do not buy perfume according to their own smell. It’s something that is barely exploited by the companies, the probability of not selling in mass too counterproductive to bother explaining why some perfumes are not suited to everyone. You see it in the stores, how vendors spray anyone willing to be perfumed. These places became a hotchpotch of scents and it gets to your nose so easily it hurts.

You are able to distinguish a lot of different scents, and this is your job. Mixing stuff, looking for new elements, blend oils, this is what you love about making perfume. Your sensitive nose had made you choose a career surrounded by a farandole of fragrances, and while it may sound like a horrible life, it was what had helped you survive the probability of a boring job surrounded by horrible coworkers. It’s a solace so unusual and mysterious that you can selfishly appreciate its beauty and complexity on your own.

But now, you find yourself doubting as you peak at your neat organ*, brown and rustic. You didn’t sign for tasteless nights and headaches.

Going to sleep is hard that night, when your brain can’t forget about this man and his scent, his oh so perfect scent which you have yet to put a finger on. You finally forget about him and your brain turns off, while another person is going back home, head heavy and mind lost.

Jungkook throws his bag on his table and goes on the floor, silent.

He wasn’t able to end his life, again.

__

It’s hard to believe that you are currently meeting with a famous brand directly. Most of the time, they would meet your managers and you’d have a project sent over your way, leaving you a mere two weeks to work on a foolish project with foolish requests. 

Today you are in shock though, because they are asking you what you want to do. It’s the first time you get asked about this and it frightens you, it scares the hell out of you when you suddenly have too much freedom. All ideas evaporate, like you have no taste and no dreams for a perfect perfume.

The woman’s stilettos make too much noise on the floor, and she speaks in a slow and irritating manner, like you’re too stupid to understand her request.  She comes closer and you smile, weakly. It’s a mix between pain and fear, it looks like she is about to eat you up. Maybe it is because you look like a deer caught in headlights. “I’m asking you about your plans concerning our next fragrance. You get that we want an Eau de Parfum, and not an Eau de Toilette, which means we need lasting scents. We have no guidelines, no themes, no requests, just a thirst for your creativity. You have what it takes to make it from scratch without us poking into your business- I mean, I'll be here to check on how it is going, of course.” She speaks words at an incredibly fast pace, with a tone deprived of any doubt.

All you feel is your boss’ stare, boring holes into your back; he knows what you’re going to answer. “I’m afraid we don’t work that way. How am I supposed to know what kind of product you need? Don’t you already have an advertisement sample to show me? A muse, somebody representing the brand?” You try the best you can, because now you have too many possibilities and it can’t happen. 

“We only have you and your talent, for now.”

Your boss walks up to you two and waves his hands “Not that we think you’re not worth our time, but we mostly work based on requests. We need a guideline.” He pleads, and his fake laugh nearly makes you scoff. 

But the woman is thick headed, and she points a finger at you, accusingly. “This person doesn’t need us in order to create a perfume. We’ve been following you for so long after your last fragrance won 1st rank in Vogue’s top 10 Perfume recommendations. You were not easy to find, though.” 

But you know, you know it wasn’t your own work, but simply something you were asked to do. “I’m sorry madam, but I simply did as I was told. Without this, I’m nothing.” You say and it sounds depreciatory concerning your own capacities but you don’t care. You are getting so scared right now that you’re ready to call yourself a scam in front of anyone.

The woman laughs and it looks like she can see through you “There is a thousand way to create a perfume with the same elements. You simply refuse to admit you’re a genius, but we both know you can’t waste your time beating yourself.” She adds and lets the contract fall on the glass table, stilettos beating the floor again and her expensive bag back on her shoulder.

“What the hell was that?” Your boss takes the contract and starts reading, but you just want to cry. You don’t want to do this, because you’re scared and afraid and you know you will fail. At the same time, you wanted this, you wanted to create on your own. You had thrown away so many samples until now, thinking it was useless. Now that somebody is asking for your true self, you back off. Your brain screams at you to stop being so contradictory and grasp that opportunity but you just feel numb and pressured and it’s enough to petrify you.

“I can’t. We can’t.” You mumble but your boss looks shocked, mouth agape and fingers gripping the contract.

“This is big, Y/N. Looks at this.” He says and you feel like fainting when you see the amount of money they are willing to pay. You know your boss will never refuse this and panic takes over.

Your shaky fingers almost tear the contract away “I’m going to fail; they will lose their time and the company will be ruined, you know it!”

But he knows better and smiles sweetly at you. “You’re always complaining about plain perfumes and cheap fragrances. You’re given a chance to compose on your own and I fully support you, so please tell me you’ll try, at least. We still have an observation period in case you can’t do it, okay?” you know he is not thinking about the money only, yet you hardly think he is thinking about your well-being either but you can’t refuse now, and you’re left with two pieces of paper and a lump in your throat as your boss goes out of the big office.

For the next couple of days it’s all you can think about, while your boss keeps on calling to make sure you’ll do it. You try to act rebellious a few times but to no avail; you end up agreeing because you don’t have the luxury nor the power to reject this offer.

You agree but deep inside you’re burning with fear. It’s not even exciting, it’s like a wide ocean, with no shores and huge waves. It’s suffocating.

The second time you meet the mysterious guy, he is at the same spot. He keeps on leaning against the bridge, and his whole existence looks like a misery but his smell makes you slow down again. It’s overwhelming, almost unbearable. There is no way a perfume can do that.

It’s a natural smell.

He doesn’t see you and you don’t see his face, but this is not even important right now. Your brain goes back and forth, and it’s a long journey to your past. This guy doesn’t even feel your presence and when you walk away, the feeling is gone, and you breathe again.

__

“I’m glad you decided to take this offer.” You’re just behind her. She is walking fast, passing halls after halls and you look around, unfamiliar with the smell. It’s like you’re entering the mafia because everyone bows like she owns the place. Only her smell lingers, suiting her perfectly.

Leather.

“As written in the contract, we will provide a lab and supplies. We can have everything you need, so feel free to ask.” She is bragging, and you know it’s her way of making you feel at ease but it’s even scarier. Obviously they are going to provide whatever you need. It's a big investment for little result.

“Oh, and I’ll introduce you to your assistant.” She turns around and winks at you.

“I- I have an assistant?” you stutter, it’s unreal. You don’t mind working alone- why would you even need someone to help?

“You’ll have an assistant, of course. You’re telling me you don’t have one at your company ?” You shake your head with power and she gasps “See? You don’t deserve to be treated this way.” She whispers and opens a door, white and shiny.

When you enter, the smell is strong with disinfectant. There’s no doubt they deep cleaned this place for the launching of a new product. The walls are grey, covered by old advertising pictures from the brand, the furniture seems brand new and there is a man. He looks around you age, with designer clothes and loafers. His hair is blond and he is wearing blue lenses. 

“You’re here already?” The woman asks and he nods, his plumps lips revealing shiny teeth. He looks so happy.

“I couldn’t miss it, not when you’re bringing a genius here.” He talks funny and walks with no hidden enthusiasm. He looks like he is out of a fashion show and it’s making you step back with apprehension.

“Good, I guess we can start with the introductions. Meet your assistant.” He offers a hand and his smile widens when you reciprocate the gesture.

He smells like your latest creation “I’m Park Jimin. Nice to meet you, boss.”

Boss. What the hell.

“Nice...to meet you too?” It sounds like a question, but it’s actually a plea. You don’t want to do this. 

“I’m so glad you agreed on working with us! It’s not easy to know who hides behind perfumes and it was hard to find you but we did !” He beams at the woman as she taps his shoulder, nodding.

“You found me ? How ?”

“I saw you at a launch product party.  When I heard it was you I was so happy. I’m a big fan.” He laughs and you feel even more burdened. The woman is looking at you two like a proud - and rich - mother 

“You’re wearing-”

“Yeah, it’s yours! Amazing, right? Oh, tell me if it suits me!” He lifts his head and offers you his neck, giggling. 

“Jasmine. You bring out the jasmine in it.” 

It’s true, Jasmine suits him.

He makes a weird noise before pointing a finger at the lady “I told you! She is a genius! It’s exactly why I bought it.” 

“Since you’re getting along pretty well, I’ll leave you in the hands of this young boy.” Her strong smell of musk stays behind her when she turns around and leaves the room.

“I’m such a big fan of you. You might find it weird, but I bought every single perfume you made. For study purposes, of course!” He is embarrassed but a second later, he is back to serious. “You don’t wear perfume.” He looks intrigued.

“It blurs my sense of smell.”

“Oh my god, this is exactly what a genius would say.” He shakes his head, amazed at your apparently smart answer and proceeds to show you around the lab, the explanations never ending.

The rest of the day is spent next to this guy, who knows every single person in the building. You keep on shaking hands, and soon, you’re exhausted. Jimin is chatting non-stop, offering you drinks and being a perfect assistant.

You discover he is still an apprentice in the perfume industry and is aiming to become a composer for the brand. He tells you he loves fashion, and this you noticed, but he also says something that triggers you.

I want to be like you 

You want to laugh at him for being such a fanboy, and you tell him numerous times that the perfumes you made are only things you were asked to create, that it wasn’t your own work, but he brushes you off, explaining you know nothing about your own skills. Jimin is the type of guy who loves to socialise, he has this way of communicating that makes everyone love him. The same day, you go back home with his phone number saved and a tone of messages from him about how excited he is to be working under your care.

On your way back home, you don’t see the guy.

__

Jungkook has plenty of time to think and he doesn’t like it. His apartment is silent and not even the cars passing by outside can ease the emptiness. He doesn’t dare look at the papers scattered on the floor. They are all creased, and the trash is full. He wants to crash the whole place; he wants to tear it to pieces. It’s infuriating, how everything is here for purpose and he has nothing to look forward to.

He can’t stand it anymore.

His phone rings but he ignores it. His best friend has been calling all day, and he knows he’ll receive a lot of nagging from him but he doesn’t care. 

Soon, nobody will have to deal with his abnormal self.

Maybe it was supposed to end like this, even though he has no idea when it actually started. All Jungkook knows is that at some point, he became useless. He used to be efficient, powerful. But now everything is dull. His eyes burn, his ears ring, his mouth is dry.

This is garbage. You’re not what you used to be. Where did your talent go ?

He can stand critiques; he knows the music industry and its perks but he can’t stand being belittled. He doesn’t want anyone to question his way of functioning but it was starting to get a bit too frequent for his taste.

He gets up and goes to his huge and sophisticated window.

He wants everything to stop.

__

“How did you end up being a perfume maker?” Jimin is swallowing his food, filling the whole lab with spiciness and you want him to go away.

“Give me the bergamot sample.” You open another small bottle and ignore his question, trying to focus on your task.

“You’ve been on this all day, have a break, boss.” He tries although his voice is muffled by all the food he is trying to swallow. You know he is right. You have absolutely no idea about what you’re doing, so you mix stuff in hope of a miracle. Nothing works, everything smells terrible, it’s disgusting even.

“Here, drink something, at least. Take your time.” He coos with a worried expression.

You sigh and rub your face, tired. “I can’t do this.” 

“I know, they gave you nothing. I’m here to help so don’t stay quiet and let’s think about this together. I know how they work, let’s take our time, no one is rushing you yet.”

You look at the scattered glass bottles and smelling strips. This is a mess.

Jimin asks you if you want to go to a party held by another luxury brand the same night but you refuse. He isn’t surprised when you tell him you hate going to these places. You’re not the type of person who likes to socialise, and your assistant understands but tells you that you have to go with him next time. You also refuse.

So you go back home. Your head hurts, your body is sore, and your brain is empty. The air is thick with humidity but you like how it resets your sense of smell, erasing all the stuff you’ve been smelling all day. 

The guy is here. He is leaning against the bridge again but something about him irks you. He is shivering. His smell slowly fills your nostrils as you approach him and you can’t help but notice that he is leaning against the barrier a bit too much. He sighs, again and again and when he leans even more to look at the river under the bridge, you stop walking.

You’re right behind him.

It’s true that you’re not into socialising, but you definitely recognise someone in pain. His smell makes you move on your own and before he can sigh some more, you find yourself next to him.

It’s even stronger now.

He isn’t surprised when he feels somebody next to him. He stays quiet and acts like he is alone but straightens his back like he was caught doing something wrong.

“Did you...lose something?” You ask, peeking at the river far under your feet. You know he didn’t, but he doesn’t need to know that it’s not the first time you see him here.

“No.” His answer is short and it allows you to finally take a good look at his face. His brown locks cup his face, from his shiny eyes to his round nose and pouty lips. He’d look cool if it wasn’t for his pitiful aura.

“Are you trying to...?” You begin but his eyes go wide and you both understand. He can’t hide it anymore. You don’t notice how blunt your words are but your brain is processing too many things to focus on your conversational skills.

“Can you...leave me alone?” his voice is low and the words are slow. He is almost pleading.

“I can’t. You’re about to do some serious shit right now.”

“I’m not. Go away.” He asks again and you can feel how annoyed he is now.

“Look, I don’t know what happened, but I doubt you should be thinking about this.” He laughs at you and you regret trying to be such a smart-ass.

“How would you know? Just go, please.” He is irritated now, but you can’t let him do that. His smell works like a spell on you.

“I just do. Stop this. I’m not going anywhere until you go back to a safe place.”

“There is no such place. We don’t even know each other.” He is now looking at you with a bored expression.

“You must have a place to stay.” 

He sighs loudly and turns to you, looking exhausted “I don’t, I’m homeless. What are you going to do about it?” 

“Then come to my place.” You shrug and he makes a face. There is no way you just asked him to come to your place, right?

“You must be crazy.” He breathes but you shake your head. You can’t let this smell go to waste. Not when you don’t know what it is.

Your mind is screaming.

“I’m perfectly fine. If you’re going to do something stupid, I’ll call for help. If you don’t, then come to my place. I have enough room for two anyways.” You are really crazy.

“You’re a stranger. I might be some psycho running out there.”

“You’re none of that. Don’t try to make me back off.” He doesn’t smell like trouble. He smells like safety.

And he is crazier than you, because he agrees. His backpack is firmly hanging on his shoulder when he turns to face you once again.

“You’re not going to let me be.” Jungkook knows that at some point, he won’t get out of this. Now that you discovered what he is about to do, he won’t be in peace until you make sure he is safe, which is totally crazy. Serves him right for not even being good enough to leave peacefully.

“You...agreed?” 

“What, you changed your mind? Good, then I can-”

“No! it’s fine! I thought I was being too crazy, that’s all.” 

Jungkook nods. “This is crazy, but it can’t get any worse now.”

So you walk in front of him and toward your place. It is hard to think or talk with the smell right behind you, but you keep the game strong and walk proudly, like you just did something great. And you did, you’re bringing him home, when he was about to throw himself off the bridge. You don’t dare ask for more right now, because he might run away.

You open the door and Jungkook stops as soon as he enters the place.

It’s huge.

“There is a guest room but It’s full of my stuff. I’ll take it off tomorrow.” You say, taking off your coat.

“So I’m living here now?” Jungkook scoffs, hoping he is being sarcastic enough to make you give up on him.

“Why not? If you’re homeless, you can stay. I’ll note the door’s passcode on a piece of paper for you.  Also, here is the-”

“Wait, I’m not going to live with you.” 

“So where are you going to live? On this bridge?”

“I still have a flat until the end of the month, I lied. I thought you were crazy so I said whatever came to my mind.” He confesses, almost feeling guilty. 

You’re not mad, not at all. Because now your flat is full of his smell, and it makes your brain work again. You want to know what it is.

“Oh then you’ll be homeless by the end of the month. If you’re uncomfortable, you can pay for your room. I don’t mind.” You shrug and his mouth is wide opened now.

You are really insane. Really.

“This situation is beyond weird. I don’t even know you.” 

“And I don’t know you either, but you didn’t slaughter me yet so I guess we’re cool.” You’re being a bit too familiar but he doesn’t notice it, and simply walks deeper into your living-room.

Jungkook doesn’t know what is happening, but in a way, it’s not worse than his current situation. He wouldn’t be homeless; he would never be homeless but he prefers this rather than going back to the family house and admitting he failed. His best-friend is going to lecture him about how the music industry is full of drug addicts, and his parents, oh his parents.

His father would be too happy to prove his superiority.

His pride speaks for him “Okay, I agree. But I’m not staying for free.” He sits on the expensive couch and you know you’ve won this fight.

“Good. My name is Y/N. You are…?”

“Jungkook. Jeon Jungkook.” He lets his head fall on the fluffy material and closes his eyes. He is exhausted. He needs some sleep.

“Nice to meet you, Jeon Jungkook.” You speak like a robot, making him smile uncomfortably and mumble an answer. He doesn’t know why he is feeling so calm when he was about to do something horrible. Maybe he is going insane too. Maybe he has no idea what is going on in his life. 

“You can wander the flat, I don’t mind. I’m seriously spent so I’ll head to bed. The guest-room is right there and the bedding is clean, I think...ah, the bathroom is at the end of this hall. Knock if you need something.” You escape now, the scent is filling the place and it makes your brain go wild. You don’t need this right now. Or maybe you do and you’re scared he will vanish if you push your luck any further.

“Good night. If you escape I’m going to fight you.” You try to warn him but he simply nods, smiling apologetically. He makes an okay sign and you don’t know why, but you believe him. 

You forget about the probability of him being a scam, a thief, a killer or whoever could hurt you in your sleep. You just focus on the feeling, that one scent invading your olfactory bulb and exciting your axons.

You can’t sleep that night. Jungkook either.

He is thinking about a thousand things. He falls asleep at some point, body as exhausted as his brain. When he wakes up, he finds himself alone in the huge flat along with a sticky note, neat on the fridge.

Suit yourself, I’ll be back by 8 p.m.

Even in the middle of this movie-like situation, he can’t help but look around the rooms, staring at the paintings and furniture. The place is cuddly, calm and warm. He starts writing when he doesn’t find it in himself to question his life choices. The living-room is perfect for his plan and it doesn’t take long for him to fill numerous pages.

Inspiration is creeping and he can’t let it go.

___

*Organ : Refers to a unit of stepped shelving containing hundreds of bottles of raw materials. Arrangement is in a way to assist the perfumer in the creation and compounding of perfume compositions.

[smol-and-grumpy]

EUPHORIA - Chapter 11

Pairing: Dean Winchester x Reader

Summary: He’s Dean Winchester, owner of a shady night club. She’s a journalist who has been asked to write an article to expose the indecency and debauchery that’s going on behind closed doors. But he’s also Dean Winchester, the boy who sat next to her in class. The boy who was too cocky for his own good.

Chapter Warning: Flangst, NSFW

WC: 3946

A/N: Please share your thoughts with me, I’d love to hear your feedback.

Beta’d by @deanwanddamons​​​​​​​​ <3

This series is more than two weeks ahead on patreon!

Series Masterlist ~ SPN Masterlist

Become a Patron ~ Buy me a coffee

Once back in Dean’s loft, Y/N spends time unpacking and notices that he’s made room for her in his closet. There’s empty drawers as well as an empty coat rack by the door. 

Her heart flutters strangely in her chest. He didn’t have to but he did. What does that say about him?

After unpacking, she takes a shower to wash off the day and brushes her teeth. She slips into her panties. Just panties, because that’s what she usually wears at home, and takes a book into bed with her. She figures that she might as well try to stay up as long as possible because Dean’s on a completely different schedule to her. She can mostly work remotely and she doesn’t have fixed times that she needs to be in the office unless there’s a deadline to be met and they are usually in the evenings. Since they’re going to be roomies, she thinks that she’s going to try to adapt to his schedule.

She has a day off tomorrow anyway because Dean had asked her to. She wonders how the anniversary party will be. Apparently, there’ll be a couple of celebrities who will show up. She checked out the club’s website while at work. 

It’s about 3am when she feels so tired she can barely keep her eyes open and Dean’s still not here. 

*

Y/N wakes again when she feels something warm between her legs that makes her jerk awake, thinking that she wetted her panties. 

Dean’s looking up at her from between her thighs, face buried in her cunt, tongue lapping at her folds. 

“Oh my god, Dean,” She chokes out, already so close — hence, she realizes, the thought of peeing. 

How long has he been licking at her? She turns her head to see that it’s almost 5am. 

“Mmm-hhm,” He raises his eyebrow and looks up at her, humming as he does, while he continues to lick her, continues to fuck his tongue deep inside her pussy. He’s careful not to use his hands and she wonders if it’s because he still thinks that she’s sore. 

Her hands fists in his hair and she can’t help but grind her pussy deep into his face because she’s so close.  Oh god, he’s so good with his tongue. 

“Fuck, don’t stop,” She moans out, arches her back and basically starts to hump his face, all the shame she had before is thrown out of the window. 

She feels his arms sneak around her thighs, his big hands going underneath her ass cheek and he lifts her hips up, so he can have better access. She helps him by hooking her legs over his shoulder.

Dean’s scruff rubs along the apex of her thighs. His talented tongue licks between her folds to suck at her little stiff bud, the slurping and licking sounds loud and obscene. 

“Please don’t stop, fuck, fuck, fuck,” Her hands searches for something to hold onto, and finds it in the form of the bedsheets because Dean’s head is too far away.

“Mmm-hhm?” He hums. Is he really asking her a question now? She doesn’t know, can’t possibly concentrate.

“Fuck, I’m coming,” She breathes out and clasps one of her hands over her mouth.

“Mmm-hmm,” Dean hums, before she hears lips smacking and then a whisper, “Come for me, baby,”  before he seals his lips around her clit again to suck and nibble at her nub.

The humming. Oh god, his humming sends her over the edge and she’s shaking violently. She comes with a trembling of her thighs, squeezing Dean’s head in between.

“Oh my god,” She pants when she comes to her senses and releases him from his confines. 

Dean chuckles low, before he climbs up her body. He smells fresh, in fact, she now notices the scent of body wash in the room. She didn’t even notice that he came back and showered as she was sleeping so deeply. 

He kisses along her naked chest and nibbles along her throat, his face feels wet. He kisses her then, sucks at her bottom lip, “Sorry, I couldn’t resist,”

*

The next time she wakes up the sun’s high in the sky. Dean’s already up and dressed, but not in his usual suits. He’s wearing jeans and plaid. 

He notices her stirring and comes around with a coffee in his hand. He places it on the nightstand, “Hey,” Dean sits down, smiles bright and white. Almost too bright this early. He leans down, kisses her forehead, “I’m busy the whole day, but I’ll try to make room for you, okay?”

Right. Today’s their party. 

She yawns and buries her face deeper into the pillow, making Dean laugh softly, “‘K”

When he’s gone she gets up, thinks about taking a shower but she figures that she’ll do that later when she has to change into her dress. Oh god, she doesn’t know if she’ll have a dress suitable for the party at all. At least she can’t think of a dress off the top of her head.

Maybe she should go shopping, but she’ll see if she can get an apartment viewing appointment so that she can kill two birds with one stone.

Later, when she’s up and functioning, Dean walks in and joins her on the couch. As she finishes her call, he raises one eyebrow at her because she said that she’ll be there in an hour . 

“Where are you going?” He asks, eyebrows furrowed.

“I can go and view an apartment. And I think I need to go dress shopping. I don’t think I have anything nice to wear.”

Dean pulls her into his lap, and she can’t say that she minds. She’s come to like the place. He wraps his arms around her, places a kiss on the top of her head and leaves it there. He seems to be thinking, because he doesn’t say anything for a long while. 

“Okay,” He finally says, “I’ll send Cas with you. He has a card from the club, he can pay for the dress.”

Her eyes widen and she tilts her head to look up at him, “No, Dean.”

“Yes, Dean,” He chuckles, “I would go with you myself but I can’t get away. Just make sure that you’re back by the time the guests start to show up.” He gets up from the couch with her still in his arms and drops her back onto the couch unceremoniously, making her giggle. Dean leans down again, kisses her lips, “I just wanted to see how you were, I’m needed downstairs. I’ll tell Cas, okay? He’ll be ready when you are.”

“‘K,” She nods, and watches him leave. 

  *

  Y/N’s sitting in the car with Castiel and it’s weird, to say the least. But again, it was weird seeing Dean the first time too, although she can’t really compare. Cas was never in her class. He was two grades below her so she barely saw him. 

He drives her to her possible new apartment, and they try a little small talk to test the water. She asks him a couple of things about their school, but Cas closes up immediately. Apparently, he doesn’t like to talk about that and she makes a mental note never to bring it up again. 

“So, you like working for Dean?” She asks, figuring that if he doesn’t want to talk about his past, maybe he’ll want to talk about his present. 

Cas’ eyes light up and he smiles, “I love it.” 

He says it with so much enthusiasm, it blows her mind. 

“You don’t mind orgies and sex rooms, then?” 

“Oh,” He chuckles, “At first, yeah. But I got used to it pretty quickly. It’s really just a job, Y/N. It’s business, and it in no way represents how I am in private.”

She raises her eyebrows, “Do you take part?” It blurts out of her unintentionally and she squints her eyes, realizing that it might have been too personal. She stammers, tries to right her wrong, “It’s just… you know, uh, Dean, he said that his employees can take part if they want.”

Castiel chuckles at her helplessness, “Don’t worry, it’s okay,” He looks over to her and smiles, “I do occasionally, if I’m really in the mood. It certainly doesn’t happen every day. I don’t even think it happens every month but yeah, I do.”

Y/N bites on her bottom lip, eyes staring at the hand in her lap. She’s not sure if she should ask Cas? She isn’t sure if she wants to know the answer to the question that’s burning on her tongue. 

The car comes to a halt in front of the apartment building and instead of getting out, Cas turns to her, “You wanna ask if Dean’s done it, right?”

Well, she wants to ask, yeah, but how can she say that. She’s not sure if she wants to know the answer to it.

She trains her gaze on her hand and shrugs making Cas laugh. 

“Maybe it’ll help to ease your mind if you know that I have never seen him doing anything in the VIP rooms or in any other rooms for that matter,” Cas says, and adds, “Dean’s quite the businessman when he’s working. He doesn’t mix work with pleasure and he’s kind of private about his life and builds his reputation around it. That’s why he has me. I’m the face of the club, not him.” Cas pauses to look at her and she tilts her head, staring back at him. He grins smugly, “And if you really want to know, I’ve never seen him showing  anyone the rooms they way he showed you. Also,” He leans closer, invading her space in the car and whispers into her ear, “I knew back in school already that he had a thing for you. Everyone with a set of eyes knew it, Y/N. I didn’t think he ever stopped having a crush on you.”

Great. She’s the only one who didn’t know it then. Fabulous. She groans out and Cas laughs louder. But how does Cas know that Dean never stopped? She gnaws on her bottom lip and there’s a sudden realization.

“The classroom.”

“Exactly,” Cas nods, “He was going crazy setting it up and went above and beyond to make it as authentic as possible.”

*

The apartment is really great, at her top limit but she can technically afford it. It’s not far from her work, so that’s a pro . It’s a little further from Dean’s apartment, which is probably a con but she’s learned that one can never have it all. 

Later, Cas takes her to a boutique downtown after the viewing. Apparently it’s the place where they usually buy their costumes for the employees. 

A woman smiles brightly upon seeing Cas, but her smile falls when she sees that Y/N is with him, but maybe she’s just imagining it.

“Hey Carmen,” Cas greets the brown haired woman.

“Where’s Dean?” Is all she asks.

“Busy.” Cas answers short. Y/N can feel Cas’ hand on her lower back and he pushes her forward, “I need a dress for her,”

Carmen eyes her up and down and smirks, “Sure, what do you have in mind?”

“Uh,” Y/N starts to say, but realizes that she doesn’t fucking know. 

“Sequin, rose gold,” Cas jumps in and Y/N widens her eyes at him to which he winks, “I think that’ll suit you.”

“Oh,” Carmen says, and she dashes back into the store to come forward with a sequin dress in rose gold but the cleavage is so deep, it probably reaches to the middle of her stomach. It’s short too. It would most likely not cover the whole of her ass. 

“Carmen, we don’t want to whore her out.” Cas shakes his head, “A long dress please. Something with a slit up her leg?”

“Sure,” Carmen says and goes back. The woman doesn’t look too happy. 

  Dean walks into his loft when she just finished with her shower. 

Dammit , he’s too late. If that stupid press guy could have talked faster, he would have been here on time to join her. 

She’s standing in the bathroom, wrapped in a bathrobe, her hair wet, her cheeks flush from the warm shower. Cute is what it is, and Dean can’t stop the smile from spreading on his face. 

“Hey,” He says, hands working on his plaid. He unbuttons it and shrugs it off his shoulders, dropping it onto the bathroom floor. 

“Hi,” She smiles. Their eyes meet through the mirror.

He rids himself off his shirt and starts to undo his belt. When he’s finished, he’s naked and walks to stand behind her, lowering his face to her neck and kisses her there. She smells like summer meadow and honey. He could get used to the smell. Could get used to smelling it every day, actually. 

“You’re already finished,” He pouts a little for effect, his arms going around her waist, reaching under the robe to touch her bare skin.

“Yeah,” She smiles and turns around in his grip, “I need to keep going if I want to be finished by the time it starts.” She stands on her tip toe, leaves a kiss on his cheek before walking out. 

Dean thinks that’s probably wise of her not to let him kiss her for real, because he knows that he wouldn’t be able to resist and that would mean that he, the owner of the club, won’t be ready by the time guests start showing up. 

After a while, she walks back into the bathroom with her toiletries and starts to apply her make-up. Dean doesn’t really know why she needs it, but he knows better than to ask dumb questions. 

“How was apartment hunting?” He asks while he washes the shampoo from his hair. 

“Good,” She looks over to him, a brush in her hand and powder in the other, “I think I’ll take it. It’s affordable,”

“You know that you don’t have to take the first decent one, right? You can take your time.” He soaps up his body, avoiding scrubbing too long at his cock because it’s on half mast already just seeing her standing there.

“Dean, really, it’s great. Cas says so too,”

“Huh,” Dean exclaims, “Does he now?” Dean walks out of the shower, dries himself off with the towel and wraps it around his hips. He sees her gaze through the mirror and he smirks, “Well, if Cas says so. He knows the city, I trust him.”

He reaches out and works around her to get to his things in the cabinet and Dean thinks it’s not hard at all. Not hard to fit her into his life and work his way around her. To give her her own space and be himself at the same time.

“Cas told me his aunt used to live in the building next to that one, so I guess I’m going to be safe.” She tilts her head up to the side, grins at him and he leans down, has to kiss her to conceal that he’s been busted. She knows that he’s really afraid that she won’t be safe out there on her own. 

“When will they let you move in?”

She shrugs, “I don’t know. Probably in a couple of days. Cas knows the owner of the apartment by the way. He said that he knew the guy's son.”

That’s great isn’t it? It probably means that she’ll get special treatment and she’ll get the apartment for sure. It’s good, but it’s also bad because he’d like to keep her around longer, he’s not going to lie about that. They probably still have a couple of days. A couple of days that he gets to wake up next to her, so there’s that.

Dean applies deodorant and brushes his teeth while he watches her through the mirror. Watches her squint her eyes when she applies some mascara, her mouth twists in a weird way and he has to hold himself back so as not to laugh out loud. 

Yeah, it’s definitely easy.

*

He’s ready before her, and waits by the kitchen island for her to finish. He hasn’t seen the dress yet, but from what Cas said, she apparently looks great. Dean’s a little jealous. He would have liked to be the first one to see it on her. 

Dean’s engrossed in his phone when he hears footsteps. He looks up to see her walking towards him, a vision of rose gold, legs poking out of the slit when she walks. She looks like a dream, and Dean wishes he could ask her out to prom again, and do it properly this time around.

“You look lovely,” He says and weaves an arm around her waist when she’s close enough, pulling her closer to kiss her temple. He doesn’t want to mess up her make-up, which is a weird thought because he can bet that by the end of the night, there won’t be a lot of make-up left on her face anyway. Jesus, he’s getting hard just thinking about having her to himself after the party.

“You look great too,” She says as she smiles up at him.

“So,” Dean says, as he rubs along her naked arms, “Just to let you know. There’s going to be a red carpet. There’s going to be a lot of press and cameras. If you don’t want to do any of it, you don’t have to, alright? But, there will also be press inside, even if you aren’t exactly the center of the picture, you’re most likely going to be a part of one, and given what happened yesterday, I don’t feel good about it either. So if you want to stay in, that’s okay for me, too.”

It really is. He doesn’t lie. He’d rather have her safe than out there, giving the person who’s out for her the satisfaction in seeing them out in the open. 

“Okay,” She nods, and adds, “I’m not walking the red carpet,”

How did he know that she was going to say that? She was never one that likes to be in the center of attention and Dean can’t say he minds that.

With her next breath, she says, “But I wanna be there. You spent so much money on the dress, I don’t wanna ruin the night for you.”

“You really don’t need to worry about that.”

“Just,” She looks up, with a little crease between her eyebrows and Dean quickly kisses it away, “Don’t leave my side, okay?”

He grins before he leans down to kiss her. He doesn’t even mind now if the lipstick transfers to his lips, “I would never,”

The flashlights are blinking outside, cameras clicking loudly. It sounds like machine guns going off. People shouting for someone to look their way. It’s pretty scary if she thinks about it. She never liked having photographs taken. There weren’t many that her mother took of her while she was little either. She absolutely hated school pictures. But she remembers the old year books, remembers that Dean always had a cocky grin on his face. Also, he never minded getting his photograph taken randomly, whilst she avoided it like the plague.

Dean’s hand is still on her waist and they’re walking towards the front of the club. She hesitates when they walk outside, but she breathes a sigh of relief when she sees that they’re just off to the side and not actually on the red carpet. There are two bouncers next to them who shield the entrance of the club from curious eyes. 

He turns to her and looks down, “You wait, here, okay? Don’t go anywhere.”

“Can’t I wait inside?” She pouts, and Dean rubs his hand along her arms. Looking over his shoulder, she can see Cas already on the red carpet, smiling into the camera lenses.

“I’d rather have you where I can see you,” Dean smirks, but it’s a weak one. There’s more to his words and she wonders why he wants her where he can see her, but she can’t dwell on it or say anything because Cas already calls out for Dean and then all eyes are on her too. 

“Right, I’ll be right back,” Dean kisses her cheek before he walks over to Cas, putting the dark haired man into a playful headlock.

Y/N watches from a safe distance, having taken a couple of steps further back. She watches Dean and Cas smiling into the camera, sees them walking from one photo op mark to the other. They are joking, laughing. Both of them look so good, so carefree and relaxed. Like they were born to do this. She knew that Dean was good with cameras, but she never knew that Cas would be either. He was like her back in school. He has changed so much and she quite likes that. Maybe one day she can be like Cas. 

As soon as the pictures were taken, Dean’s quick to be by her side and guides her back inside, leaving Cas to greet the people and celebrities. She thinks she recognizes some important people too, some sports personalities, actors, politicians. She’s astounded that they want to be linked with a club like this. But again, only members know what’s really going on inside on the second floor of that building. Maybe some of them are members? She wonders if she’s seen some of the people in there. She can’t really tell, didn’t really look at their faces when they are naked and grinding on each other.

Dean walks her to the bar where Garth is serving them drinks and he lets her sit on the bar stool while he stands next to her, casually leaning one elbow on the bar top.

They watch as Garth places their drinks in front of them, a huge smile on his face.

“So, what is it about tonight?” She asks Dean. 

It might be a stupid question, because she was so wrapped up in her apartment being burgled that she never got a chance to ask. She knows that it’s the anniversary of the club, but she has no idea what to expect. She takes a sip from her martini while Dean drinks from his tumbler. Garth didn’t ask for their order, he just knew what they wanted. She’s surprised that he still remembers.

“We celebrate the fact that I have survived five years,” Dean chuckles lightly, “But it’s actually all PR,” He takes a sip from his tumbler, “We’re closed to members tonight. The party’s only down here. There are about two-hundred guests but there’ll be a lot of press people around. So, it wouldn’t hurt to smile every now and then.” His hand reaches up to thumb at her lip and she opens her mouth, sucking in his thumb, and swirls her tongue around it, making Dean groan. She then bites at it and he has to laugh. She’s laughing with him. 

He leans down further to kiss her. When he parts, Dean tucks a strand of hair behind her ear. 

“So,” She starts to say, the grin on her face is cheeky, “You say upstairs is closed, even for me?” 

Dean looks at her and his eyes that were glistening has gotten a shade darker. He groans audibly and her smile widens, “Fuck, you’re something else, you know that?” He claims her mouth, it’s bruisingly hard, “We get the first part over with, and then I'll take you up.”

 Chapter 12

[timetoresurface]

Like serendipity? (1)

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Fresh out of college, your life is finally going to blossom into something more meaningful than college day drinking and late-night study sessions. Or so you thought. Unlikely events result in you having a big ass crush on your next-door neighbour. Maybe, you weren’t as grown-up as you thought you were.

Y/N x BAEKHYUN

Life after college AU (if that’s a thing)

First part 7k words

Second and final part will also have 7k

There aren’t enough Baekhyun stories on this damn website, so I decided to make something myself. English isn’t my first language, so please bear with me for the next twenty minutes or so because you are about to read my struggle to write my love for Baekhyun, part one.

second part / third part

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First act: stating the facts of an ordinary life.

You were never really the type to dive into the unknown, so you’d rather overthink and play safe to give your mind a rest — overthinking results living in a small but cute apartment while having a low and steady income. That’s why you’re at your friend’s apartment, which is much more beautiful than yours, drinking wine while you whine about your life.

“I feel like I’m waiting for something better.” You confess while taking the first sip of the cheap wine you brought. 

“If you feel like this, why don’t you just act on it?” Soya, the friend with the beautiful apartment, asked you with a subtle hint of annoyance. 

“Don’t be like that. I’m not in the mood for a lecture.” 

“You’re never in the mood for anything except drinking wine.” She whined while you poured your second glass of the evening. You were going to regret this speed of drinking in the morning. College-you could handle all kinds of liquor, but working-you is always a mess the following day, even after one glass of wine.

“I think that drinking wine is a very healthy way to deal with things. I could go blackout drunk every Thursday night, or I could take drugs, you know.” But you didn’t know. Maybe getting drunk and meeting new friends wouldn’t be so bad.

“Or you could look for another job with a better income and health insurance.” She harshly stated. “But I’m glad you’re not getting drunk in a smelly club because if you fell, you wouldn’t be able to afford your hospital bills.” 

“Noted.” You weren’t in the mood for a lecture tonight. What is wrong with merely drinking and talking about cute guys while watching bad movies on Netflix?

“Or you could at least install tinder and just have sex with a handsome stranger to get rid of this foul mood you’ve been in.” She studied your reaction while sipping from her wine tentatively. 

“I’d rather not sleep with a stranger, but also noted.”

“Why not that guy from work you’re always hanging out with?” Someone is trying to push your limits tonight and that someone is named Soya.

“He’s just a friend, Soya. Chanyeol is becoming a trustworthy friend in an office filled with bitches and snitches.” She doesn’t understand how women in an office job play. They work through compliments with hidden meanings that are not always nicely hidden. 

“Some friendships have benefits, you know.” She winked at you, and you almost threw up. Like hell you would ever fall into this trap of insecurity and lose strings. 

“Yes, I know how you and Taehyung work.” You bit back, and she fell silent for a good minute, you savoured it.

“Taehyung and I are trying to date.” She didn’t make any eye contact with you, so you understood it must not be going well.

“And how is that working out?” The room was quiet except for Soya nervously fiddling with her empty glass.

“Slow.” She finally stated while you filled her glass.

“I see.” 

“I’m not in the mood for a lecture tonight.” And you couldn’t agree with her more. Tonight was not the night for a heavy therapy session where both of you got too drunk and too emotional to function.

“That’s what I said.”

“Let’s watch that new crappy movie as we’re both not in the mood for our needed therapy session.” The TV turned on, and she was already browsing through Netflix. 

“So you admit you need to re-evaluate your relationship with Taehyung?”

“Yes, but not tonight.”

“Same for me, but I also don’t feel like watching a movie. I need to go home and work on that stupid ass presentation I don’t want to make.”

“Then don’t and stay here.” She pleaded.

“And risk losing my job?” That was never an option. You need that job to maintain your low-class life-style.

“Would that be so bad?” Soya dared to ask you.

“I can’t leave Chanyeol alone with these predators.” Your shoes were on, and your coat was just an arm-length away, you were ready to leave.

“I think he manages them better than you.” 

“Maybe so, but I’m still leaving.”

“Text me when you get home. It’s already dark.”

“I will. Don’t call Taehyung.”

“Don’t do that presentation.”

“Soya, don’t compare me doing a necessarily presentation for work with you banging Taehyung.” Annoyance barely hidden in your voice.

“I’m sorry Y/N, you are right.” She must have detected your mood and dropped the whole thing with an apology you gladly accepted. 

“Love you.” You called out while walking out of the door.

“Always.” She yelled before closing the door, and you started to make your way home.

Almost every time you left Soya’s place, you walked the same route thinking about the stuff you both talked about. Tonight is no different. It wasn’t a secret you weren’t happy with your job, but it did pay the bills. Isn’t this what everyone after college goes through? Isn’t this what being a grown-up is like? Well, it really sucks if this is it.

You were so caught up in your world that you didn’t notice the man standing still at the entrance of your apartment building. Your body crashed right into him, and you both almost fell over, but luckily the door made sure the both of you didn’t.

“Oh, god, I am so sorry. I wasn’t looking or paying attention.” You hurriedly apologized. Eye contact was something you were not able to do when you were embarrassed, so you tried to look at anything but him.

“It is okay. I also apologize for…” He started to apologize too, and his voice caught you off guard. You made the mistake of looking into his eyes and both of you fell quiet for a short moment. “for standing still.” He finished off his apology. Both of your cheeks were flushed, and both of you didn’t know what to do. You quickly tried to compose yourself.

“What were you even doing here?” The realization hit you. A strange man you had never seen was just standing in front of your apartment building in the dark. This is not where romantic movies begin, but horrors start.

“I recently moved in, well actually I moved in today, and I couldn’t open the doors.” He quickly explained himself while showing you his keys, and you immediately recognized the big brown key.

“Oh, that also took me a while to get used to.” You laughed while taking the keys out of his hand. “The trick is to not push the key in completely.” You explained, while showing him how to open the door. 

“Ok.” He voiced uncertain, and you couldn’t help but find his insecurity endearing. The men in your life never showed their insecurity and flaws all for the sake of being a man.

“Now it’s your turn.” You handed him back the keys while the doors closed themselves. He visibly swallowed and tried to open the door while you were looking intently. His keys were making a lot of noise but not the kind of click-sound you want to hear while opening a door.

“No, you should…” you started to explain, but your hands were quickly over his taking control. He really has beautiful hands, but you tried to shake it off. It is not that he is the only man with delicate hands that seemed to be made to play the piano. His hands seemed to be carefully sculpted by God himself. Your thoughts were rudely interrupted by the clicking sound of the lock.

“Oh, I see what you mean now.” You noticed your hands were still on his and you quickly withdrew them. 

“Not that hard right?” You smiled shyly at him and he returned you with a breathtaking smile, perfect with teeth on full display.

“Definitely not. Thank you for helping me.”

“I’m glad to help. I wish someone taught me this trick sooner. I had to learn this by secretly observing people entering the building.” That was only a few months ago, and you silently laughed at the idiocy. 

He opened the door for you and both of you made your way toward the elevator in silence. It wasn’t necessarily an awkward silence, but it also wasn’t enjoyable. And if there is one thing you’re good at, it is making awkward conversation.

“So…” you started softly while pushing a lost stray of hair back behind your ear. “How do you like it so far?” You cringed mentally at your awkwardness.

“I’ve only been here for a couple of hours…” he said, and you mentally slapped yourself at your stupid question “… but I like it so far.” 

“That’s good.” You awkwardly said while entering the elevator first.

“Which floor?” He asked you politely while pressing floor seven.

“Same floor apparently.”

“What a coincidence.” What a coincidence indeed, like you were stuck in the most cliché movie ever.

“Do you have any more tips and tricks?” He asked you when the elevator signalled your floor.

“Not really, but maybe stay away from floor five. It has an old lady who likes younger men. You’re exactly her type.” You told him while walking out of the elevator to your apartment.

“What’s her type like?” He asked with a wiggle of bis eyebrows.

“Cute young men with a sparkle in their eyes.”

“So you think I’m cute?” 

“I think you know you’re cute.” You were trying to be indifferent. It doesn’t do to let someone with an ego like his know how much power he has. 

“So you think I have a sparkle in my eyes?” He tried again.

“I think you really shouldn’t go to floor five, but you can do whatever.”

“Nice to meet you…” He held out his hand for you to shake and you shyly accepted. 

“Yes, indeed. It was nice to meet you too.” You told him hurriedly while trying to open your door.

“I was trying to get your name.” He silently confessed.

“It is on my doorbell. I hope you can read.” And that was the last thing you said before you slammed your door shut. You heard him shuffle at your door and you could be mistaken, but you almost heard him whisper your name.

Second act: what is this feeling that I’m feeling?

Your mornings were always the same routine, and if anything were slightly off, your day would be ruined. The sound of your alarm usually wakes you up, and you don’t snooze, snoozing is for the weekend. Making your way to the kitchen, you start to boil your water for a perfect cup of coffee. When your coffee is ready, you make your way to the bathroom for a quick shower. Your coffee has almost always the ideal temperature when you get out of your shower. It depends if you put on a hair mask or not. 

Next half hour is devoted to simple make-up and deciding what outfit you want to wear. The only good thing about your job is that they don’t force you to wear up-tight office outfits. As long as you cover up and don’t wear stuff that’s too weird, you’re good to go.

When you’re all finished, you throw everything you might need in your bag and put your empty cup in the dishwasher. Usually, you’re five minutes late, so that’s why you’re always rushing out of your apartment. Today was no different. You were going to have to speed walk to your favourite bakery if you wanted one of their delicious treats for breakfast.

“Morning Y/N.” A strange voice greeted you.

“Morning?” You hesitantly greeted the other person. It didn’t surprise you that it was your cute new neighbour from last night. He seemed amused by your shyness, but you weren’t going to let it bother you. Going to the bakery was your only and most important priority this morning.

Both of you got in the crowded elevator in silence. Your arm was touching his, and you couldn’t focus on anything but him. He was looking at something on his phone, and you could finally admire his face. His hands were already approved and marked of good quality, but his face was something else. Last night you didn’t get the chance to really see his features in the dark. He had the kind of face that stopped you in your tracks, the sudden pause in a person’s expression when they looked his way followed by overcompensating with a calm gaze and a weak smile.

“Are you ok?” His tone filled with worry and his gaze intently fixed on you. You must have zoned out or something because suddenly you arrived at the ground floor and you barely remember standing in the elevator.

“Yes, I’m all good.” You whispered while walking out, and he was quick to follow so he could open the door for you. 

“Have a nice day Y/N.”

“You too.” And you finally realized you didn’t even know his name. You made a mental note to look for clues of what his name could be. Hopefully, he also put on his first name on his doorbell, but you had a feeling he didn’t. 

The rest of your morning went smoothly. With your favourite pastry in your left hand, while the other carried a large coffee, you walked right on time into the office. You greeted a couple of people with your perfectly practised fake smile, but there was only one person who deserved your real smile; Chanyeol.

“Look who made it on time?” He said while standing up, ready to hug your morning blues away.

“Aren’t you proud of me?” Your coffee and pastry were placed on your desk so you could return his hug with as much enthusiasm. 

“I’m always proud of you, especially when you decide to wear a matching outfit.” He could barely contain his laughter, remembering your blue leggings and yellow sweater from last week. It wasn’t your best day.

“That was one time, and I had a hangover. Please forget dark Wednesday.”

“If I could have a bite of that, I’ll consider it.” He couldn’t take his eyes off your pastry, so you just threw it at him and mouthed the words’ keep it’.

“You’re like an angel in disguise.”

“I don’t feel like I’m in disguise.”

“Don’t push it, though.” He said with his mouthful. 

“I would never.” You ended the conversation while wiping some crumbs of Chanyeol’s mouth. He is like a big baby that needs to be mothered all the time.

“Y/N be ready in five.” Your boss called out through the whole office, and that was your cue to leave and fuck up your presentation you barely finished last night. You really wanted to be a grown-up when you were younger, well, you got what you wanted.

—

“And that’s how we are going to attract more overseas customers to ship their goods with us. With just a little change in our program, we can be more competitive and grow more into a nationwide company.” You finished your presentation. “I thank you all for listening, and if you have any questions, please don’t hesitate to ask.”

“That was clear as crystal. We’ll be taking this into account when we have the next manager’s meeting. Thank you, Y/N.” Your boss ended the presentation. Everyone quickly gathered their things and made their way out of the meeting room until you were left alone with the mess. You massaged your temples, trying to rub the stress away and it most definitely wasn’t helping.

“Do you need some help cleaning up?” Chanyeol asked you gently, startling you. A simple nod was sufficient for him to start helping you. You picked up all glasses and empty coffee cups on a large tray and made your way toward the kitchen to put them in the dishwasher. Chanyeol cleaned all the mess that these rude people left. 

“I think that is all.” You simply stated while simultaneously checking every corner of the large meeting room.

“I think it’s in a better state than when you entered it this morning if I’m honest,” Chanyeol said while placing some of the cleaning products in a random cabinet. 

“Maybe we overdid it with the vacuuming?” You questioned while crossing your arms.

“Better safe than sorry.” He shrugged. 

“True words.”

“I can’t help but notice you still being stressed out even after your presentation. I’m meeting up with a couple of friends tonight. Come with us?” He sat on the table in front of you, so he wasn’t towering over you, but at eye level. You looked into his questioning eyes and you couldn’t help but notice how good-looking he actually was. Soya’s idea didn’t seem that bad except for the fact that he was your co-worker and it was strictly forbidden.

“I don’t know them, and they don’t know me, won’t that be awkward?” You asked him unsure, showing your awkwardness by shifting your weight.

“They already know a lot about you, as I can’t stop talking about how fun you are. And you already know al lot about them, as I can’t stop talking about my friends.”

“Did you tell them about my mismatch hangover outfit?”

“I might have, but they have already forgotten all about it.”

“Did you show them the picture you took that day?” You asked with a pout.

“Some of them might have seen it.” He confessed while avoiding eye contact.

“Normally I would be mad, but I really need a drink. Text me the time and address, and I’ll be there.” You finally agreed to his plans.

“That’s my girl.” That was the last thing he said before leaving you alone in the empty meeting room. Your phone started buzzing, notifying you had a new message.

Chanyeol: Bar Temple at 6ish

You: noted! 

It was already past four because of your stupid ass presentation, so you decided to call it a day. You only knew of Chanyeol friends through his stories, and they were usually pretty wild, so you decided you needed maximum prepare time. Maybe you also needed someone to babysit you?

You: You want to go out with me, my fun colleague and his stranger friends?

Soya: yes?

You: It’ll be fun, please?

Soya: ok

You: my place at five to get ready

Soya: I’m going to regret this

You: Me too, but I really need a drink

Soya: You always need a drink

You: so do you

Soya: I can hide anything from you

Soya: See you in a bit

You put your phone away, so you can search for your keys in your oversized bag. You can indeed put anything in it, even two bottles of wine, but you’re never able to find your keys.

“Do you need some help?” The handsome neighbour asks you with his keys ready.

“Are you waiting when I get home or something? This is getting strange.”

“If you don’t need help, you can keep looking for your keys while I enter the warm building.” He says while he opens the door very carefully. 

“You’ve been practising.” You remark when he holds the door for you.

“Your tip was extremely helpful.” His hand combs nervously through his thick black hair, and you suddenly have to fight the urge to run your own hands through his hair. From the look of it, his hair looks really soft and just the perfect length to run your fingers through it.

“You’re welcome.”

The elevator doors open and you both get in, both of you wanting to push the correct button. Your hands brush over his, and you feel the blood rushing to your face. He chuckles and pushes the button while you remove your hand from his. His hand felt soft under yours, and you can’t stop yourself imaging how his hands would feel over your body.

The silence was disturbed by you nervously fidgeting, and the handsome stranger softly humming to some melody. 

“How was work?” He finally asks you after a moment of awkward silence.

“The honest answer or the polite answer?” The elevator doors open and you make your way toward your door.

“Whatever you want to give me.” He says while leaning against the wall next to your door. 

“I’m drained, and I’m really looking forward to drinking tonight.” You enthusiastically confessed to him. Your hands shot up to your mouth, as you couldn’t believe what you had just said. Now he must think you’re an alcoholic. 

“I completely understand.” He laughs while leaving you to find your keys in peace.

“See you later Y/N.”

“What’s your name?” You suddenly ask him, which resulted in him turning back around.

“Oh, now, you ask?” He asked with a look of mischief.

“Better late than never?”

“True. But I’m still not giving it to you. I had to find it out myself, and you can do the same.” He finally said before entering his apartment and leaving you speechless. Was it that difficult for him to give you his name? 

“What are you doing outside your door staring at the unknown?” Soya asked, exiting the elevator.

“I was trying to remember where I put my keys.” You quickly made up a lie. You weren’t going to tell her your handsome neighbour left you speechless and that you had to recover for a couple of minutes. You don’t even remember how long you have been standing there.

“Let me check for you.” She offered while taking the bag out of your hand. “Your bag is always such a mess.” She continued.

“So, tell me about his friends,” Soya said when you both entered your apartment safely. 

“I don’t know a lot, but I know they’re crazy but kind-hearted people.” You actually didn’t what kind of people they were. 

“What do you mean by crazy?” She asked you while walking toward your bathroom.

“They like to drink and go on adventures together.” You said while pouring the both of you a drink, you smiled at the irony.

“What kind of adventures?”

“I don’t know a lot, but I know Chanyeol got to work one day with, his words, the most terrible hangover recorded in human history thanks to his friends.” You said while entering the bathroom with two glasses in your hands. Soya gladly accepted your drink before removing all make-up off her face. 

“Did he explain why?” 

“Probably, but I already forgot.” You silently confessed. You weren’t the best to remember every story someone told you. When Chanyeol told you his story, he had only started working at your company, and you weren’t as close as now.

“What are you going to do with your face?” Soya asked you, changing the subject forcefully. 

“I thought about re-applying a little bit of mascara and lipstick.”

“Add eyeliner and your good to go, and your foundation is still looking fresh. I cried at work today, so I really need to re-apply.” She quickly explained herself while dabbing something on her face.

“Taehyung?” Soya only cried when he was involved. Did you hate that guy.

“Maybe.”

“You want to talk about it?”

“Not really, but if there are cute guys tonight, I’m not going to hold myself back because of Taehyung.”

“So things are going well, it seems.” The eyeliner seems to be a bigger problem than you anticipated. 

“He thinks we’re still in college and this kind of behaviour is normal. He keeps sucking me in with his beautiful words and good-looks.” She stopped doing her make-up to look at herself. She looked tired.

“He’s really handsome, but that’s all there is to him.”

“Yeah, but the sex is also outstanding, so it proves to be more difficult to just stop it.” Her eyes seemed sad, and you just wanted to hug her problems away, but that is something that you can’t do. That’s not how life works.

“I understand, I’m here for you when you’re ready to end it.” Your hand was on her shoulder for support.

“Thanks, Y/N.” Her head fell, and you really wanted to beat up Taehyung at that moment.

“I’m also here for you if you decide to stay with him after you both talked things out. Do what you think is best, not what I think is best.” Your eyes found hers, and she showed you the first real smile of the night.

“I appreciate this. Tonight is going to be fun.” And off she went doing her make-up like everything was fine even though it wasn’t. You both quickly finished your make-up, this was usually the easiest moment of the night. Choosing the right outfit seemed to be a more difficult task. Both of you never agreed what the other wanted to wear. 

“You always wear black.” She complained for the tenth time that night.

“But I look good in black.” 

“Ok, that is true, but you also look excellent in these blue jeans.”

“I’ve never really worn them before.” You confessed while admiring your ass in said jeans.

“I could tell, the tag is still on. Why did you buy them?”

“No idea.” You simply shrugged.

“I think you should wear these jeans. Just match it with your favourite black shirt and leather jacket, and you’re done.” That didn’t seem like a bad idea. After all, Chanyeol had only ever seen you in your work appropriate outfits, and to be honest, they were almost always black.

“I agree with this outfit, but only if you wear the little black dress.”

“It’s way too fancy for bar hopping.” She told you while making an ‘X’ with her arms.

“Wear it with a white t-shirt underneath and some white sneakers?” You tried to help her choose her outfit now yours was settled. 

“That could work.” 

“Can I borrow that white t-shirt and white sneakers?” She asked you with her puppy dog eyes she knew you could never refuse.

“Of course you can.” And both of you laughed. Maybe because of the wine or perhaps because you hadn’t gone to a bar in a long time. Chanyeol’s invitation came at the right time in your life.

Third act: is this what they call serendipity?

“Y/N you really came,” Chanyeol shouted the moment you entered the bar with Soya tagging right behind you. This feeling of being wanted brings you back to your college days, where there was always someone happy when you went to a particular party.

“Chanyeol. I told you I would come, don’t be so surprised.” You scolded him whole hugging him for the second time today.

“We’re huggers now.” He whispered in your ear, and you couldn’t hold back your smile.

“And we’re proud of it.” You told him while removing yourself from his grip. “Chanyeol this is my best friend, Soya.” They looked each other up and down, and you could swear you saw your friend blushing.

“Nice to meet you, Chanyeol. I’ve heard a lot about you.” She gave him his hand to shake, but he had different ideas.

“Apparently I’m into hugging now.” He loudly exclaimed before bringing your friend close for a mighty hug. She giggled and quickly returned the favour.

“I don’t mind.” She said before breaking up the hug. Chanyeol looked proud of himself, and you had to make a mental note to thank him in the morning for being so welcoming.

“Y/N let me introduce you to my friends.” He grabbed your arm, and you quickly took Soya’s hand for her to follow. A big table filled with people you didn’t know came into view, and you looked over at Soya with worry in your eyes. She quickly squeezed your hand for comfort.

“Everyone, this is my fun college Y/N who I can’t stop talking about. She also brought a friend of her’s named Soya.”

“Y/N these are my friends. This one here…” he ruffled through the guy’s hair that was closest to him. “… is Sehun, our youngest.” He might be the youngest, but he certainly didn’t look young. Yes, he might have a baby face but a handsome one that is. He stood up from his seat, and he was almost as tall as Chanyeol, and you couldn’t help but look impressed by his height.

“Hi girls, always a pleasure to meet new people.” He kissed both of you on your cheek, and you felt yourself getting a little bit warmer.

“Always charming.” Chanyeol chuckled, but he quickly moved on to the others. “Kyungsoo is the one with the glasses.” Said guy with classes quickly waved but didn’t say anything to the both of you. He was simply enjoying his drink.

“We also have Junmyeon over there.” 

“Hi Y/N, hi Soya.” He greeted both of you with a big smile on his face. Chanyeol never mentioned that all his friends were extremely handsome. It felt like you were at an afterparty of a fashion show were all male models grouped together to celebrate.

“Last but not least, we have Baekhyun.” You eyes followed Chanyeol’s gesture and your eyes almost popped out of your head. The guy that Chanyeol pointed at was your handsome new neighbour, and a smile quickly spread over your face.

“Baekhyun it is.” You said more to yourself than to anyone in particular, which resulted in everyone looking at you strangely except for Baekhyun.

“Nice to see you again Y/N.” He greeted you with his brilliant smile and sparkly eyes. Let’s blame it all on the wine you had drunk earlier, but he looked even more beautiful while seated in a bar with a drink in his hands. Have you already mentioned his hands, because damn you desperately wanted to touch them. They were delicately draped around his almost empty beer and you so badly wished his hands were holding you.

“Again?” Chanyeol inquired after you and Soya both got seated. You tried not to sit next to Baekhyun in fear of embarrassing yourself further, but Soya was always quick to understand your awkward ways. She quickly seated herself next to Chanyeol, so your only option was to sit next to your neighbour.

“He’s my new neighbour.” You explained.

“You didn’t tell me you had a new neighbour.” Chanyeol and Soya both said with equally shocked faces.

“I’ve only moved in yesterday, so that’s probably why she didn’t tell you guys.” Baekhyun quickly saved you.

“I didn’t know new neighbours were big news. People move in and out of our apartment building every week. I’ll make sure to keep you updated in the future.” You didn’t understand what the issue was. 

“Y/N, you have to tell me when a new cute neighbour recently moved in. That’s girl code.” Soya explained with Chanyeol nodding his head in approval.

“I’ll try to live a better life from now on.” You said, and this got a light chuckle out of Baekhyun, and you kind of felt proud of making him laugh.

“What do you want to drink?” Chanyeol asked you while moving his gaze toward Baekhyun, who was smiling widely beside you.

“Surprise me.” You simply stated, and Chanyeol wanted to roll his eyes at your behaviour.

“I’ll help you with that,” Soya said while standing up and following Chanyeol toward the bar. They would make a cute couple you thought to yourself. The other two guys at the table were silently conversing while Baekhyun was simply looking at you. Staring might be a better word.

“So how was your first night in the new place?” You asked him while removing your leather jacket and hanging it over your chair. You prayed to God you wouldn’t forget your coat.

“Could be better. I still have a lot to unpack, and it stresses me out.” Baekhyun confessed to you, and for a moment, you were shocked by his honesty. Most people would tell you they had slept like a baby, but he was refreshingly honest, and you couldn’t help but be entranced by his personality.

“I still have boxes to unpack, and I’ve been there for months now. It’s ok if it takes a bit longer.” You tried to reassure him.

“Don’t make me lose hope. I want to finish by the end of this week.” He told you with determination in is tone.

“Shouldn’t you be at home unpacking instead of drinking on a weeknight?” You asked him shyly because this was your kind of flirting and somehow he got the little hint. He looked taken aback for a moment but quickly recovered with a mischievous look in his eyes.

“I’d rather drink here with a beautiful girl.” He immediately took a drink after his blunt flirting, as if he gotten shy after what he said.

“You didn’t know I was going to drink here.” You bluntly stated.

“Who said I was talking about you?” You silently gasped but tried to cover it up with a cough.

“Well, I don’t see any other girls here.”

“Maybe you took her seat while she went to the toilet.”

“Oh, really? Oh, god, I’m so sorry.” You quickly got up and tried to get your coat, but Baekhyun’s hand were there to guide you back toward your seat. His eyes were fixed on you while his hands touched your bare arms, keeping you in place.

“I’m only joking.” He told you reassuringly while his hand was still on your arm, making you dizzy by his warm touch. “There is no one.” He said while taking his hands off you, and you immediately missed the feeling of him. Luckily for you, Soya and Chanyeol returned with a new drink before you could embarrass yourself further.

“I told him not to get you anything too wild, but he decided your drink.”

“Hey! You told me we would stick together. I didn’t hear you protest when I ordered the drink.” Chanyeol pouted at your friend, and you could feel their chemistry.

“Before I kill anyone of my choosing, what is it that you ordered?” You asked them with a fake hint of annoyance at your friends. You secretly loved people ordering strange things for you. What would they get you? What do they think is an excellent drink for you? How do they see you? Once a friend got you a non-alcoholic beverage, let’s say you don’t really see her anymore.

“A Cock Sucking Cowboy.” Chanyeol proudly presented you a martini glass filled with mocha brown liquor. It looked a bit sketchy.

“Well, the name is definitely original. What’s in it, though?” You couldn’t contain your excitement anymore and were eying the drink suspiciously.

“Rumor has it that Brokeback Mountain inspired this drink, and that’s all I’ll say about it,” Chanyeol told you while taking a seat at the now crowded table. You eyed Soya questionably, knowing Chanyeol wouldn’t tell you what was in it, but she sure would break. She also knew what you were allergic to, so that kind of helped.

“It is made with deliciousness like Butterscotch Schnapps and Bailey’s.” She carefully told you, and that was all you needed to try the cock sucking drink.

“I’ll drink to that, a cock sucking cowboy for me it is.” You enthusiastically held up your drink while the others eagerly waited for you to drink the brown liquid. A small sip was all you needed to be addicted to this heavenly drink. Usually, you didn’t like sweet cocktails, but this one was a reasonable exception. You let out a small moan because of the deliciousness and everyone, even the quiet guy in glasses laughed. 

“I think she likes it.” The one named Sehun commented, and suddenly conversations about weird drinks started as if you hadn’t just met five minutes ago. It took only fifteen minutes before the ice completely broke, and everyone was comfortably engaging without holding themselves back. It has been a while since you had enjoyed company other than Soya. You glanced over at Chanyeol, and you found him already looking at you, you silently thanked him, and he just shrugged his shoulders, as if it was nothing. 

“So Y/N, how do you know our Chanyeol?” Junmyeon asked you, which resulted in all eyes on you. A slight blush crept over your face, but you tried to hide it.

“I’m the one who trained him, so he really couldn’t escape me even if he wanted to.”

“Who would want to escape you?” Baekhyun asked gently, and the whole table got quiet. They were probably thinking what the hell was happening between you two and being honest; you were starting to feel the same thing.

“You sure aren’t.”

“How can I when you’re my cute neighbour who called me cute?”

“I didn’t exactly tell you that I thought you were cute, I said you were exactly floor five her type.” You tried to weasel yourself out of the situation, but it didn’t go unnoticed that he called you cute, and a small smile blossomed on your face at his compliment.

“He’s exactly her type.” Soya laughed when the realization hit her. The older woman on floor five is a bit notorious between the two of you. 

“Is she that bad?” Chanyeol asked the two of you, and you both started laughing.

“Let’s say Y/N can not take a guy home.” Soya mysteriously stated, and you knew what she was getting at.

“She somehow always knows when there is a new guy in the building, and she will look for him until she finds him. Luckily for you, she still hasn’t found you.”

“I think she might have already found me.” Baekhyun silently confessed, and you couldn’t contain your curiosity. 

“And you still want to live there?” You asked him with shock written all over your face.

“It wasn’t that bad.” 

“Maybe she changed her tactics after the last one,” Soya commented.

“Jungkook never recovered.” 

“Who is Jungkook?” Baekhyun asked you, and you felt the stares of Chanyeol and Soya on you. How were you going to explain the almost-boyfriend?

“Not important. What did she say?” You tried to change the subject, and it worked like a charm.

“She just asked me if I was new here and if there was anything that she could help with, I should let her know,” Baekhyun explained the situation, but you couldn’t believe her innocence. 

“Where did you see her?” You asked him.

“She was taking some trash out this afternoon when I bumped into her.” He carefully told you.

“She never takes her trash out on a Thursday.” You gasped while you held your hand over your mouth. 

“How do you know?” Sehun asked you suspiciously.

“She’s a Sunday cleaner, everyone in the building knows,” Soya answered for you, and you were glad she was here with you tonight. You would have looked like a crazy stalker girl without her backing you.

“She must have waited with a tiny trash bag at the entrance just to see you.” You over analyzed the situation. Baekhyun looked at you in horror, and you couldn’t help but laugh at his naivety. 

“She’s really determined to find a toyboy,” Chanyeol explained, knowing the stories you told him about the crazy woman on floor five. “She tried to steal one of Y/N’s dates while she was with him.”

“She seemed so nice,” Baekhyun stated with a prominent pout plastered on his face. You wanted to squish his chubby cheeks, but you quickly withdrew your untrustworthy hand. 

“Who wants another drink? I think Baekhyun needs it after his whole world shattered into pieces.” You asked the table while getting up. 

“I’ll help you,” Baekhyun said while also standing up. Everyone gave their order, and both of you made it to the bar. It was getting more crowded and loud as it got later in the evening. People were already softly dancing to the beats of pop music and alcohol. You didn’t notice the bartender approaching while you were scanning the bar.

“What do you want to drink?” Baekhyun asked you while waving his beautiful hand in front of your eyes. You quickly composed yourself and turned around to the guy tending the bar. 

“I’m going to stick to wine for the rest of the night, or you can carry me home tonight.” You told Baekhyun with a smile on your face. You were feeling the cock sucking something.

“You have a new girlfriend? Chanyeol also brought a new bird to the bar tonight.” The bartender asked Baekhyun, and he immediately panicked when he saw the confusion on your face.

“Y/N this in Jongin, also a friend and the reason we always meet in this bar.” He explained his relation to the handsome guy tending the bar. Was every friend of Baekhyun and Chanyeol ridiculously good-looking, or has it been that long you had any that you thought every guy was attractive? 

“Jongin, this is Y/N, a colleague of Chanyeol. She came here for the first time and brought a friend with her, Soya, the one you met with Chanyeol.” Baekhyun looked pleased with how he handled the situation, and you couldn’t help but smile at his cuteness. His damn chubby cheeks were so inviting.

“Oh, you looked just happy, my bad.” Jongin awkwardly excused himself.

“But I’m also his neighbour, that’s why I told him he had to carry me home if I had another cock sucking cowboy.” You added to Baekhyun’s explanation to complete the whole story. 

“Okay, just a wine coming up.” He said before he started pouring the drinks for his friends and you. You secretly glanced over at Baekhyun, and you found him already looking at you. He tried to play it cool by glancing over at something behind you, but you both knew he was really staring at you.

“What a coincidence.” You simply stated while analyzing his features, his lips to be more correct. You could describe it as a precisely shaped mouth, small, firm, full-lipped, and so kissable. 

“What is?” He asked you uncertain, trying to read your thoughts.

“That you’re my new neighbour but that you’re also friends with my bestie at work.” He softly agreed but was cut short when his friend brought the drinks. You tried to take four glasses but failed in your attempt. Baekhyun laughed and took the other drinks toward your friend's table. 

“Ah, they’re back,” Chanyeol screamed enthusiastically, and you suspected he couldn’t take a lot of liquor. Maybe you should train him in that department too. 

“Yes, and we brought drinks.” You said while handing him his whiskey. You laughed at how cute he was. A tall man with a grown-up drink, but the cheerfulness that is seen in his eyes, reminded you of how young he actually was. You took your seat next to Baekhyun, and he was again looking at you strangely. 

“Do you find the coincidence awkward?” He asked you with worry in his eyes. You quickly shook your head before answering him.

“No, it’s not awkward. It’s more exciting than it is weird.” The smile that grew on his face went all the way up to his eyes, and for a moment, you were lost in their sparkle. 

[lucalicatteart]

Just a short info post on the topic of people accidentally haunting themselves through use of magic, and what is usually done when people believe they’re being haunted.  Completely random topic in the middle of things I’d rather be focusing on (the avirre’thel, elven history, etc.), but... apparently my brain was thinking about this so I had to write some about it lol

(actual info under read more, as usual..)

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[[ ALSO: there’s still a glitch where when viewing blogs on the side on tumblr, read more’s don’t work and it shows the full text, so I’m sorry if this appears full length. If this happens just view my blog in a new tab or something instead so there’s not long strings of text... lov tumblr being a very functional website..]]

Technically, there's no such thing as ‘spirits’ in Nanyevimi (at least not in the way we usually think of them). There are a few things that may mimic the presentation of something like a haunting, a spirit sighting, etc., (which I’m about to explain), but these are magical in nature, rather than just an actual function of the world. 

The most common phenomena that can mimic the presence of some sort of ghosts, is... essentially, people haunting themselves??? As in any world, people in Nanyevimi are still capable of convincing themselves something is true through confirmation bias based on their preexisting beliefs. Which, when much of the population consists of magic users.. can become a bit more complicated, as they do actually have the potential to unknowingly effect their surroundings. 

Essentially, anyone who's capable of using magic, even if they don't have very strong abilities (actually, especially if they don’t/are relatively untrained), can end up performing small feats of magic accidentally. This is why latent magic can be so dangerous (as explained in this post on latent/undiscovered magical abilities HERE (link)), and why especially the more powerful you are, the more significant  it is to be exceptionally well controlled, lest you accidentally blow up your house or kill someone lol.. 

So, if it's something believed by a large group of people, all of whom can use magic (such as a small rural town of elves), it can almost end up becoming a self-fulfilling prophecy..  A myth starts, then people begin to fulfill the myth (unknowingly) through VERY small energy barely noticeable accidental acts of magic. For example, a mysterious breeze coursing through the forest on a day where it otherwise wasn't windy, and people are like “AAAa! See! The forest is haunted!!”, when really it was one of them which caused the breeze to happen in the first place lol. Which only makes more people believe and do the same thing.

 Collective energy output like this can sometimes end up functioning similarly to an enchantment, without an actual enchantment having been placed by anyone, where the more collective belief and accidental magic bestowed into something, the more that that thing actually follows through, in a series of tiny acts over time that just gets worse the more that people buy into it*(1). 

So for example, there may be woods that are thought to be 'cursed', where bad things always happen to the people who travel through there, but rather than it being the doing of some evil ancient monster (like the locals believe), it's actually just.. literally the people who live near the forest themselves. The small bits of accidental magic seeping from them act to confirm their intentions, and cause little accidents like a branch falling on someone, someone's hat blowing off, a pothole in the road that knocks someone's wheel off their cart, etc. While it  wouldn't really be anything extreme*(2) (crafting actual apparitions, monsters, natural disasters or etc. would take far more advanced magic than what could just happen without the person knowing they’re doing it), these small things would still be enough to reconfirm the myth over time. 

(for more info on how magic, enchantments, etc. works, you can read the large masterpost sort of thing about it HERE (link))

Interestingly, you rarely if ever see this effect of “self-haunting” occur in mostly Jhevona populated areas. This is thought to be because of their cultural focus on extreme self-control and awareness of their magic, thus making it much less likely for them to unintentionally use magic. For someone so deeply in tune with their internal intentions and awareness of their magic, accidentally using magic without knowing it would be exceedingly rare. (Though in cases where this has happened, the effect is usually much more extreme, since they're capable of far more advanced magics... which is part of why they prevent this stuff from occurring in the first place. ). 

These self-hauntings also never occur in non-magical societies, and you actually rarely have stories about “ghosts” or curses or etc. in their cultures. Human (and other non-magic) cultures in the realm certainly can also fall prey to psyching themselves into things and etc., so it's not like because they can't do magic they're suddenly immune to superstition, they have plenty of similar-ish beliefs, but it's just much less prevalent for it to be genuinely reinforced in their cultures, since they usually can't find much tangible evidence. Like, if they believe something like a curse, it's usually just based on "a feeling" they get, or based in it just being a tradition that is passed down. They culturally would describe it more as a sort of  ‘energy’ instead. 

So, humans/non-magical people in the realm may have beliefs more like “Stay away from the woods because they have a repellent force, and they don’t want us near them/the gods don’t intend for us to go into them/we’ve hurt the forest’s feelings and are not allowed there now”, and would also not have much evidence for this aside from maybe a few personal stories or “gut feelings”. While among magical groups, it may be described more as “There is an evil ghost haunting these woods!/Someone has cursed these woods!”, and they MAY actually have have physical evidence of it existing/something that seems like tangible proof rather than just suspicion (despite it still usually just  being an accidental magic placebo).  Beliefs like this can stick around in certain magical cultures more prominently , because they're not as easy to discount or disprove if locals have apparently witnessed actual physical evidence of it, etc. Because it feels stronger and more personal to them, they also usually attribute it to ghosts/spirits (sometimes of ancestors), or more active/deliberate and personified parties, rather than just obscure feelings or the vague workings of gods. 

There's no real solution to people haunting themselves, other than for the group to learn what's going on and ALSO learn better magical control and discipline so it's less likely for them to cast accidental spells. If they ONLY learn what could be going on, but don't train their magic, they'll just end up repeating the same thing later, falling back into haunting themselves, since they still have underlying issues with accidental spells.  

Due to their generally higher mastery of magic, sometimes Jhevona (if there are any groups of them in the local area) will be called to help with stuff like this.  Kind of like teams of paranormal investigators, except they're just magic specialists who may come in and help test for traces of magic in an area (to see if people are casting spells accidentally or not), better train the people in the area in their magical control, etc. If the Jhevona is powerful enough in enchantment magics, sometimes they can even kind of just slap a band-aid on the issue by simply overriding whatever magic is being done with a larger enchantment which then blocks the accidental magic from coming through, effectively ending the self inflicted "curse" in the area, though it’s not a very long term solution, and people may end up haunting themselves again in other ways.  

(Though sometimes an over-riding sort of enchantment can be done to help diagnose the issue, like if they do this and the “haunting” DOESN'T go away then.. you may have some more serious problem on your hands, like a mage causing trouble intentionally, or etc.)

There are a few other things which can, on the surface, resemble a form of ‘haunting’.. Mostly just, enchantments done by malicious parties (actual people though, not ghosts.. just like.. random mages who want to trick people in a small town out of their money or something), and also occasionally forms of soul magic gone wrong can trap someone’s soul in an object or place in an unnatural way, and this can mimic the existence of ‘’spirits’’ or etc., though this one is very rare, since soul magic in general is pretty rare. I may elaborate more on those two options later, but this post was mostly about self inflicted “haunting” through accidental magic lol. 

[ *(1) note: Magic scholars disagree on whether enough collective belief in something can ACTUALLY create an enchantment without an enchantment being set. All magic seems to based on intention, but especially enchantments are extremely literal in that sense, so it could follow that if enough people intend something, and enough people are accidentally seeping magic into that intention and giving it an actual energy behind it, it may genuinely become it’s own ‘independent magical function’ (what enchantments basically are), “feeding” itself (as all enchantments must be recharged over time) on the magical energy output of the collective group.

But, it’s commonly thought (and observed) that enchantments must be specifically set by one individual (though that individual can draw energy from others as part of it), and that they also take a great deal of magical energy to set up (which is why it’s mostly Jhevona and other higher-energy magical species who do them, rather than lower energy beings like elves).  Whether a collective group of people could create a genuine enchantment function just by casting enough intention and fueling it with accidental magical leaks is still uncertain, but would definitely be interesting from a magical study point (and would confirm some less common beliefs that magic to a degree operates on it’s own.. since this would effectively be like.. an enchantment casting itself just because there was enough intention and energy going around. But, that’s a debate for the magic scholars (who already spend most of their time arguing about this stuff anyway lol).]

[ *(2) note:  It should be noted that this ‘unintentional magic’ really only manifests through minor physical alterations of the environment, or other very small simple spells. Things like Illusion magics and etc. are so powerful and inaccessible that it's not like someone could just 'accidentally' do them, even if casting illusions or hearing voices would go along with the idea of placebo hauntings. Though in some ways magic can seem like it has a mind of it’s own and is never fully controllable, there are still plenty of user based limitations.

Much of magic is intention based, meaning it is affected by your mental state. If you try to cast a spell to burn your house down, but you don’t really actually want to burn your house down, you will have mental resistance  (unless you’re immaculately well trained) and the spell will probably not actually work. You'd end up casting the fire somewhere else and burning a random stranger to death or just shooting water at your house or something instead, etc.  

Which of course, this means that SOME things can be done on intention alone.. but these primarily involve pure energy magic, or simplistic elemental magic. Some basic magics like these can be utilized (to a primitive degree) without training or much knowledge, since they mostly consist of pure bursts of unaltered energy, rather than a careful manipulation of energy or matter. Most higher level magics are too complex and require a lot of very intentional manipulation based on former knowledge, so it'd be nearly impossible for someone to do them just 'accidentally' .

Unintentional magic usually exists solely in the form of like, accidentally creating a breeze, or moving an object, shooting out a burst of energy at someone who has attacked you even if you didn't MEAN to hurt them and it was just an accidental self defense out of your body being surprised (also why they say to never sneak up on mages lol), accidentally setting a fire, etc.

Anyway, I just wanted to clarify that it'd be impossible for someone to 'accidentally' perform some feat of magic that they're not trained for/otherwise incapable of.

 If you're ALREADY an illusion magics user, you could accidentally use illusion magics perhaps under certain specific conditions, but if you're just some random elf with very little magical training who's convincing themselves of a placebo haunting, you're not going to be able to break out some master level illusions spell if you can't already do that normally, etc. “Weak” accidental magic can still cause massive damage, kill yourself and people around you, destroy your environment, etc. even with just simple pure energy magics, so like.. it’s still Dangerous, and unintentional magic can operate in pretty hazardous ways, but , you’re also just not going to be able to accidentally do stuff that’s WAY beyond your scope to already reasonably be able to do. ]]

[meganlpie]

A Little Bit of Help

Anonymous asked: Can I get a tony stark sugar daddy au where the girl is a dancer/gymnast/or cheerleader or something along those lines and like actually fall in love? Im desperately craving the fluff behind it like nicknames and just the love that ends up happening that they didn't expect to happen. I actually don't want a sumtty end or any at all but some cuddles and hugs please

Here you are, anon! I hope you like it!! I do not own Tony Stark. He belongs to Marvel.

Warnings: Sugar Daddy AU! (Still SFW), a little angst, and a lot of fluff and it’s a bit long.

Pairings: Tony Stark x fem!reader

You felt the strain in your back as you pulled your dance bag over your shoulder. It had been a long, rough practice. It was one of those days where you couldn't seem to do anything right.  A lot of people think tap dancing is simply clicking or stomping the bottom of your shoes against the floor, but it's so much more than that. It's physically demanding and you had dance practice nearly every day. And you loved it.

         There was only one problem. You weren't a famous dancer. In fact, you had moved to New York to become a professional dancer. But starting out, you were barely able to afford rent, let alone all the other essentials you needed in order to survive in New York. You needed a little bit of help. That was where Tony came in.

         You'd signed up on a sugar baby website as a joke. One of your friends had a sugar daddy and she was as happy as could be. She joked that you should try and wouldn't leave you alone until you signed up. That was how you met Tony. Why the infamous Tony Stark was looking for a sugar baby, you had no idea, but you decided to meet with him anyway after he messaged you.

         From that first meeting, you felt a spark with Tony. It was no brainer to say yes when he asked you to be his sugar baby on a long-term basis. He took you on dates to all sorts of galas and charity functions. He set you up in a nice apartment and helped with bills when necessary. His only stipulation was that you be ready to go out whenever he needed as long as you weren't dancing. You readily agreed.

         Tonight was one of those nights. As soon as you entered your apartment, your eyes find Tony's form. He stood up from the couch and smiled at you. "Tony! Did I miss a text or something?" He chuckled and shook his head. "Nope. Can't I just pop in and see my Sweetpea?" You grinned. You loved his little nicknames for you.

         "Of course," you said, trying to sound chipper. The thing about Tony was that, when he cared for someone, he was pretty in tune with their moods. Needless to say, he saw right through you. "What's wrong, sweetheart?" You gave him a tired smile as you let your bag fall to the floor with a loud PLOP! "It's...been a rough day." Tony's lips frowned under the facial hair you had come to adore.

         He motioned for you to join him on the couch, which of course you did. He wrapped his arms around you and asked you to tell him what was wrong. You sat there and poured your heart out to him. That was one thing you really liked about Tony. Yours wasn't always the typical sugar baby/sugar daddy relationship. Tony really seemed to care about how you were doing on an everyday basis. He went out of his way to text you at least once a week even if he didn't need you to join him for anything.

         You had tears on your face by the time you finished. Tony listened intently and tried to offer some consoling words. As he spoke, you looked ahead. Your brows furrowed when you noticed a garment bag hanging on your door. "Oh, Tony! You wanted to go out tonight, didn't you?" He followed your gaze to the door.

         "I did, but I think it might be a better idea to stay in tonight. It was just going to be dinner for the two of us. You can wear that dress any time." You began sniffling again. You felt like you were failing him today as his sugar baby. And you never wanted to disappoint Tony.

         It wasn't because of who he was to you. It wasn't because he encouraged you to dance to your heart's content nor was it because he set you up in a beautiful apartment. It wasn't because of the nice dinners or fancy galas with the gorgeous dresses  he purchased. No, it was deeper than that. You didn't want to disappoint Tony because he was beginning to mean more to you than just a sugar daddy.

         "No, you wanted to go out. I'll put it on." You moved to get up, but Tony's arms tightened around you just enough to keep you in place."Y/N, it's fine. I would much rather stay in with you than go out. I want to make you feel better. And I don't think there's any better way to do that than to order in and watch whatever ridiculous movie you want." You beamed up at him, unaware that that was all he really wanted.

          "Really?" Tony nodded. The truth was, Tony would do just about anything to see you smile. He never wanted to see you cry or see you angry. He wanted that beautiful smile he adored to stay on your face as often as possible. It made him the happiest man when you were happy.

         Tony wasn't sure when your happiness became more important than your arrangement. Maybe it was the first night you'd actually stayed the night as his place. Or perhaps it was the first day he saw you handle the swarm of paparazzi. Or maybe it was the last charity event you went to when you begged him to help the orphanages of New York City. He couldn't remember, but he knew one thing. He was falling for you. Hard.

         The very thought should have scared him. After all, he'd signed up to be a sugar daddy to avoid those kinds of feelings and relationships. After what had happened with Pepper, which was his own fault, Tony didn't think he was worthy or ready for any of that. Yet here he was, admitting to himself that his feelings for you ran deeper than they should but instead of being scared, it brought a smile to his face.

         "Tell you what, you go get comfortable while I order food. What are you in the mood for?" You called to him that you didn't care as you made your way to your bedroom. Tony chucked and placed the order for your favorite. Then he sat back on the couch with a glass of the whiskey that you always kept in the house for him. You came back out a few minutes later, rejoining him on the couch.

         As soon as you were seated, Tony's arms wrapped around you again. "There's my girl. So, what'll it be today, beautiful? Comedy? Drama? Romance? Or maybe a little  adult entertainment?" he asked, wiggling his eyebrows. You giggled and playfully shoved him. "Perv. I think I could use a laugh, so comedy." Tony grinned and nodded, pulling up the comedies on Netflix.

         The two of you got comfortable until the take out arrived. Once you finished dinner, you cuddled back into Tony. You watched the movie in silence at first. You weren't even really paying attention to it. You were too busy enjoying the feeling of Tony's arms around you. It surprised you how comfortable the two of you had become around each other.

         "Y/N," Tony said softly about half way through the movie. You turned your face to look at him and were shocked when his lips met yours. Outside of the bedroom or the occasional peck at an event, Tony never kissed you. At least not on the mouth. You were so stunned you couldn't respond at first and Tony pulled back. For the first time, he wore a frown.

         "Y-" he started but you cut him off. Your brain had finally managed to catch up to what had happened and you said the first thing that popped into your mind. "I love you!" Your impromptu confession was met with dead silence. He just stared at you in disbelief. "I'm sorry!" you squeaked before jumping off the couch and running to your bedroom.

         The tears rolled down your face before you could stop them. You had just ruined everything you had going for you. This was supposed to be a romance free kind of thing. No feelings involved. But you had to go and fall for your sugar daddy. You felt so stupid.

         "Y/N, sweetheart? Open the door." You didn't answer. Tony started to jiggle the doorknob and knock. "Please, sugar, open the door. I'm not mad." You perched on your bed hugging a pillow to your chest. "Please go away," you whimpered. You couldn't face him now. You wanted the earth to swallow you whole. Laying down, you let the tears fall. You never heard Tony picking the lock or opening the door.

         "Not a chance in hell, babe," he whispered. You didn't say a thing. Tony came up and got in bed behind you. You stiffened when you felt his arm snake around your waist. He carefully removed the pillow from your grasp and pulled you close. This was different. Sure, you'd shared a bed plenty of times, but this felt odd. Much more intimate.

         "Tony?" He hummed as he placed a soft kiss to your shoulder. "Can I have one last kiss? Just one before you end things?" Tony's brows furrowed. He turned you over so you were facing him. You'd never seen him look so serious before. "Why would I end things, Y/N?" You sniffled again.

         "Because I broke our one rule. I let myself feel something for you." Tony chuckled. He brushed a strand of hair out of your face. "I broke that rule a long time ago, sweetheart. If you hadn't run off I could have told you that, in spite of our rule, I love you too." You blinked rapidly in confusion.

         "You do?" Tony leaned in a kissed you again. "I do. Very much. I love spending time with you. I love spoiling you because you always get all flustered and adorable even with our arrangement. I love talking with you especially when it's something you're passionate about. I love watching you dance. You know I haven't missed a single performance since we met. And I love the jealous looks I get when we go out together." You giggled at that.

         "There she is. I was wondering where you'd gone." You wiped your cheeks and smiled a bit. "Do you mean that, Tony?" He nodded. You snuggled closer to him and gave him another soft kiss. "I love you so much, Y/N." Your (e/c) met his brown ones as you whispered, "I love you too."

Tagging: @brewsthespirit-blog @ghostie-writes @aikibriarrose @esoltis280 @fairytalesexistxx @jotink78 @iwillbeinmynest @mala-firebringer

[ravenwolfie97]

TOME Corruption AU: Getting to Know You

WELL THIS WAS A LOT LONGER THAN EXPECTED, BUT HAVE SOME CORRUPTION AU FOOD

Alpha paced impatiently around the pit. He wanted to meet Flamegirl alone, away from the rest, and especially Kirb, after he had yelled at her the other day. He still never even came back on to apologize... Alpha snorted, thinking back on it. He wasn’t about to forgive him for attacking her like that.

Suddenly he saw the beam of light from which Flamegirl emerged, and he immediately perked up. “Flamey! It’s so good to see you,” he greeted her. “Hey, Alpha. What’s up?” she replied with a hint of wonder in her tone. “I just wanted us to hang out together, you and me. Those other guys tend to get in the way, huh?” He put on a cheeky grin. “It’d be nice for us to have some one-on-one time. Whaddya think?” Flamey tried to mask her mixed feelings as she thought about his answer. “I mean... yeah, it would be nice,” she responded. “Not running into any trouble for once would be nice, too. We’ve had way too much hacker trouble lately,” she continued, somewhat diverting the conversation. Alpha let out a small growl. “Yeah, no kidding. They’re always after us for one reason or another. Hopefully today they can leave us alone for a hot second - I wanna have some peace and quiet with my girl.” He pointed his thumb over to the right. “C’mon, I got a spot. Let’s go.” ‘My girl?’ Flamey couldn’t help but blush at the sentiment. “Alright then, I’m with you.”

They made their way to an area not many players frequented, a small alcove by a gentle waterfall. Alpha kept glancing at Flamegirl as they walked, her arms held behind her back. Her golden hair cascaded down her back, fluffier and longer than the last time he saw her. Did her top change too, or was he just staring? He met her emerald green eyes and smiled. She smiled back, and he was captivated. They arrived at the alcove and took a seat on a rocky ledge. Alpha let out a lofty sigh, listening to the soft running of the waterfall beside them. Flamey did the same and turned to face Alpha. “So, how have you been lately?” she asked. “Hm? Oh, fine, I guess.” Alpha was vague with his answer, mainly because his mind was swarming with thoughts he didn’t necessarily want to dump on her. “Same old, same old, y’know.” He waved his hand dismissively. “How about you?” “Same,” she said with a laugh. “Just typical school stuff. Homework, tests, all that boring junk. You wouldn’t care to hear about it.” “No, I would!” Alpha jumped in. “You’re in college, aren’t you? What are you studying?” Flamey blinked. She didn’t remember specifically mentioning college at any point to him, but she guessed it was just intuitive. “Oh, I’m studying computer science. I’d like to be a programmer someday.” “That’s really cool!” Alpha’s eyes genuinely lit up. “Do you think you’d ever make something like this?” She shrugged. “I dunno... I just really like to code. I’ve only made some websites and basic programs for school projects and stuff, nothing major. I’ve done a game design class in high school though, and it was pretty fun. Nothing as complicated as this, though.” She giggled. “I don’t get to talk about this kinda stuff that much, not even with Sat and Whyti. It’s cool that you’re… y’know, interested.” “Of course I am, why wouldn’t I be?” Alpha blurted out. “I hardly know anything about you, and I’d really like to get to know you better.” Flamegirl tucked her hair shyly behind an ear. “Thanks… The same goes for you, too. You never talk about what’s going on in your life either. What do you do outside of this game? Are you in college too?” she barraged him with questions. Alpha’s excited demeanor suddenly shifted as he went back into his thoughts. “Well… no. I’m living on my own,” he admitted, a tinge of sadness in his voice. “I wanted to be an artist. I even designed my character here myself. But…” He threaded his fingers through his hair. “I don’t feel like I can do much of anything with the way my mind is now. Everything feels off lately. I don’t know why.” Flamegirl made a small noise of agreement. “I’ve felt kind of the same way, to be honest. It’s not necessarily in a bad way, I don’t think. My mind’s just been running wild with thoughts, and it makes it kinda hard to focus.” Alpha looked at her with surprise. “I’m the same way. Well, except…” He turned his gaze down to the ground. “It might be in a bad way.” Flamey leaned toward him. “If this is about lashing out the other day, then-” “No, it’s not just that!” Alpha shouted, gripping at his head tighter. “I feel like I can’t control myself, and I’m going to hurt people if I’m not careful! I keep thinking about all of these horrible things, and I just… hate myself!” Flamegirl put a hand to his shoulder. “Hey, hey, it’s okay! You’re okay,” she attempted to soothe him. He flinched at her touch, but it did calm him down a little bit. He exhaled loudly. “I’m sorry, I just… it’s hard to bear. And I could never even think to talk about it with anyone but you.” “Is this why you wanted to see me alone?” “N-no, that wasn’t it!” Alpha corrected himself. “I really did just wanna talk to you… without…” Flamey withdrew her hand as she felt Alpha suddenly tense up. “Wh-what?” “Without letting any other assholes getting in the way.” His voice grew dark, and he whipped his head around as if he had sensed something. He rose to his feet. “I know you’re there! Show yourself!” he called out.

Heeding his call, a masked figure leapt down from the cliff above and zapped Alpha as soon as it landed. Alpha convulsed and collapsed to the ground. “Wh-? I can’t move!” he cried out. “What the hell did you do to me? Who are you?!” “I have no business with you.” The masked man had some kind of accent and a sinister undertone in his voice. His username: Neomutant. He turned away from Alpha and focused on the girl. “I’m glad I could find you here.” “I don’t…” Flamegirl was confused for a moment, but then realized the man’s voice was one she recognized. “Wait, are you-?” “In your computer programming course? That’s as far as he’ll get to know, yes.” He glowered at Alpha’s body that still laid in the dirt. “That’s enough!” Flamegirl immediately threw up a block function, surrounding the other player’s head, muting him. Her face was red with embarrassment and fury. “How many times do I have to tell you to leave me alone?!” “Who the hell is this guy? What did he do to you?” Alpha barked, still paralyzed. “He’s just some asshole from school, who I never wanted to see or hear from again!” She pointed that last part directly at him, as he still stood before them. He didn’t seem fazed at all. In fact, he was disturbingly calm. Neomutant motioned his hand, and suddenly the block function shattered from his head. “You think that’s too tough for me to crack?” Flamegirl took a step back. “What do you want from me?” The man took a step forward. “I’m here to extend my offer to you one last time. You could actually put your programming skills to good use if you join our cause.” “What cause? All you told me was you were getting paid by some shady deep web hacking group! I don’t want any part in that!” “We’re protecting people like you from people like him.” He pointed at Alpha’s form, whose face was twisted into a snarl. “Flamey, what is he talking about?! I oughta kick your ass right out of this game!” Neomutant couldn’t hold back a snicker. “‘Flamey’? Isn’t that cute.” He gestured at Alpha’s helpless-looking body. “I disabled your character model’s movement. There’s nothing a parasite like you can do to me or Stephanie now.” Alpha’s eyes widened. “S… Stephanie?” Flamegirl shook with unbridled rage. “What the hell is your problem?! You can’t just say that! Just leave us alone and get out of my life!” “I’m afraid I can’t do that.” Neomutant’s voice dropped low. “You’re far too important.” He continued moving closer, until Flamegirl was cornered in the back of the alcove. “Let me help you, take care of you, keep you safe from people like him.” “Why do you think Alpha is dangerous?” Flamey choked out. “You don’t even know him!” “Evidently, neither do you,” Neomutant rebuked. “You have to trust me.”

Before he could get any closer, Neomutant flew across the field, propelled by a sudden kick in the gut as Alpha broke out of his paralysis and dashed in front of Flamegirl. He struggled to stand back up, gripping at his stomach. “Alpha!” Flamey gasped. “How can you-?” “Doesn’t matter. Stay back.” Without another word, Alpha rushed at Neomutant and uppercutted him with a dark slash. Neomutant cried out in pain, but quickly used an electric attack to push Alpha back away from him. He landed on one knee, breathing laboriously. “You broke out of the paralysis… That’s impossible…!” he wheezed. “That code was supposed to be impenetrable!” “I know more about this game than anyone else.” Alpha’s words suddenly took on a darker tone. “Now, if you lay a finger on any of my friends… If you hurt Stephanie… I’ll kill you.” “You’re bluffing,” Neomutant said, putting up a macho facade. Alpha bared his teeth. “Wanna bet?” He lunged at Neomutant at breakneck speed, slashing at him ferociously before slamming his head into the violet dirt. His clawed fingers wrapped around the masked man’s neck and squeezed it shut. “I’ll make fucking sure you never get near her again.” “Alpha, stop it!” Flamegirl rushed in between the two boys and pushed Alpha off of Neomutant. “This is going too far - you can’t actually kill him!” “He’s a fucking stalker!” Alpha immediately snapped. “He’s endangering you! I have to!” “No, you don’t.” Flamey looked back over at Neomutant, who was lying motionless on the ground, but still alive and breathing. “I think he’ll get the message.” Alpha struggled against Flamegirl’s grip, acting almost feral. “No! I can’t let him go!” Flamegirl kept a hold of Alpha’s bandanna and pointed a Flame Bullet at Neomutant with her other hand. “If you can still hear me, please… just leave us alone.” She shot the ember and Neomutant lost the rest of his character’s HP, disconnecting from the game. “NO!” Alpha wailed. “I ALMOST HAD HIM! I COULD’VE SAVED YOUR LIFE!” “You did save me.” Flamegirl stared Alpha directly in the eyes, dominant yet caring. She carefully released his bandanna and then wrapped her arms around his back. “Thank you.”

Suddenly, a burst of pink light radiated from Flamegirl, enveloping the both of them. Alpha stared into the light, his rapid breathing and adrenaline lowering. Something about the light calmed him down completely. It was… warm and comforting. He let out a sigh and embraced Flamegirl in return, burying his face into her shoulder and clinging his claws into her back. She brought him serenity, as if what just happened had never occurred. Flamegirl released him, holding his hands as they separated. She blinked, noticing he was transfixed on her. “Wh-what is it?” Alpha couldn’t break away from the light that continued to radiate from Flamegirl. Her long, flowing hair was now shining with the pink light, like a hot flame. “Sorry, it’s just…” He could barely speak, lulled into a state of mind where he could hardly think. He lifted a hand and gently cupped Flamegirl’s cheek. “You’re so beautiful.” Flamey blushed at the unexpected compliment. What happened to the person she just saw a moment ago? It’s as if she had sedated a wild beast, and he had suddenly become docile. She couldn’t say a word. In her shock, Alpha moved his hand to get a hold of her chin. His eyes were no longer fierce… they gently closed as he began leaning in. “Alpha…?” she barely breathed before his lips contacted hers. She could feel the softness of his skin… He was so tender, completely opposite of what had just happened. He broke away after a long moment and looked back into her eyes. “It’s Michael.”

[justatiredghost]

Unsolved Academy Ch1

It was hard fought, but the apocalypse had been stopped, they’d won. But life goes on and now they have to figure out how to actually live their lives. Dave (saved and brought to the future) and Klaus in particular really struggle until they find what could be the perfect job: hosts of a ghost hunting series. AKA: I’ve been watching too much Umbrella Academy and Buzzfeed Unsolved: Supernatural and this is the result. AO3

Klaus wouldn’t really consider himself a functional adult. He was used to living on the streets after all, barely scraping by, spending whatever cash he had on drugs, but things were different now. They’d saved the world, Klaus had somehow managed to clean up his act (well, mostly), and he had a boyfriend. He of course could have continued to crash at the Academy, but he found he actually wanted to try to provide for himself as well as for Dave. Beyond stealing of course. Besides, the idea of having a place with the love of his life was very enticing.

Unfortunately actually finding and holding down a job was proving to be very difficult. Famous or no, very few people were willing to hire a former junkie who’d never had a fulltime job and Dave was from the 60s with no actual record. It made adapting to normal life pretty tricky. They were both a mess of traumas along with their unique histories and sometimes just existing was hard enough.

Dave was the first to get a job, a part time position as a night janitor at a nearby gym. He had been so excited and Klaus was so incredibly proud of him. After holding the job down for a week Klaus thought it might be a nice way to celebrate if he stopped by for a visit. Technically Dave’s boss hadn’t said he couldn’t let anyone in, he didn’t seem to particularly care what he did so long as the place was clean by the end of his shift, and that alone left very little time for messing around unfortunately, but at least Klaus could keep him company.

That wasn’t exactly the only reason he wanted to stop by, though. He’d gotten so used to sharing a bed even after only a few months of Dave being here and now having to face the night alone felt terrifying. Klaus never had liked sleeping, it was too easy for the ghosts to invade his dreams. This past week he hadn’t been able to bring himself to even close his eyes no matter how tired, not when the ghosts were so loud and there was no one there to ground him, to remind him what was real.

And Klaus had been doing so good, he’d been sober for longer than he ever had, and he didn’t want to risk losing that by letting the ghosts overwhelm him. He’d rather wait until Dave got home so they could nap together. Times like this he really missed Ben.

Sure, he was relieved that Ben was alive again, he deserved it and Klaus wouldn’t have it any other way, but he had a life now, he needed to sleep, and while his room was just across the hall and he was almost always willing to drop whatever he was doing if asked, Klaus knew they couldn’t hang out constantly anymore and he needed to get used to it. Besides, Klaus had always been terrible at asking for help.

So he had been occupying himself in other ways. Tonight he’d been digging through old belongings packed away in forgotten drawers and boxes and he’d found something he wanted to show Dave. Thankfully he didn’t have to run around to too many windows before he found him, waving his arms to get his attention.

“What are you doing here?” Dave said as he let him in, careful to lock up again behind them.

“What, a guy can’t stop by to keep his boyfriend company during his very long and boring shift?”

“Couldn’t sleep?” Dave guessed with that knowing grin of his.

“Well, yes, but that’s beside the point,” Klaus said, giving him a quick kiss on the cheek by way of greeting. “You’ve had your first future-job for, like, a week now, that seemed like a good reason to come down and thank you for your service. I know we can’t get up to much mischief, but the least I can do is keep you company.”

“Okay. What the hell is that?”

“Video camera!” Klaus said, holding it up and hitting record as he trained it on Dave.

“Oh shit, they make them that small now?” Dave said, looking absolutely enchanted. With a laugh Klaus let him take it. “Far out!”

“They make them a lot smaller, actually. Even phones can record video now,” Klaus said, smiling as he watched Dave look around the room through the camera, recording nothing in particular. “That one’s ancient, I found it buried in my room. Not as ancient as you, apparently.”

“Oh this is so rad,” Dave said, voice hushed with awe.

“God you’re adorable,” Klaus said, standing back to watch him have his fun. When the ghost of an older gentleman with a towel wrapped around his waist walked through the wall in front of him in nearly gave Klaus a heart attack. “Christ,” Klaus exclaimed, clutching at his chest. “Why do you guys always gotta do that? You’re all too sneaky.”

“You don’t belong here, get out,” the ghost said because of course he did.

“Hey, you push off, we were here first.”

“Whoops, did we wake up a ghost?” Dave said. He’d gone back to mopping the floors, but he’d set the camera on a counter pointing at Klaus.

“Yes, but he’s very rude so I wouldn’t feel bad if I were you. What is it with ghosts, do we all just become super dramatic and cryptic when we die?”

“As if you aren’t already dramatic,” Dave said fondly.

“Oh you love it.”

“I said get out!” the ghost said, voice raised. Apparently he didn’t appreciate being ignored like this. “You are intruding in this place!”

“Hey! Dave works here, so we aren’t intruding!”

“Sorry love, but I think technically you’re trespassing,” Dave said with a laugh.

“Fair point, fair point.”

The ghost roared at him which, honestly, was kind of amusing. It took a swing at Klaus which he knew would go right through him but he still jumped back anyway, more out of reflex than anything.

“Woah, we’ve got a live one here,” Klaus said with a laugh. “Try to use your words, dear.”

“Hey now, are things getting physical?” Dave asked, stepping forward, and he actually looked a little concerned, broom held the way he used to hold his rifle, instincts kicking in at potential danger.

Klaus realized that Dave had never actually been around when a ghost had tried to physically hurt him before. Maybe it had happened in Vietnam, but there were plenty of other things to flinch away from there so even Dave wouldn’t have known the true cause.

Either way it wasn’t something Dave could protect him from, no matter how much he might have wanted to. Not that Klaus wanted Dave getting in the middle of this shit show. Besides, it was old hat for Klaus, he’d been confronted with much worse, honestly the attempt was more amusing than anything. He didn’t want Dave to worry, as sweet as it was.

“My hero,” Klaus said, hands clasped together, grinning at him.

“Shut up,” Dave said, embarrassed but smiling now at least.

“Some definitions of the word physical I suppose, but it’s fine,” Klaus admitted. “As funny as it would be to see you try to hit a ghost, not right now.”

“Just let me know, I’m always ready to throw down,” Dave said, grinning as Klaus laughed.

Usually Klaus did his best to ignore the ghosts. It rarely did any good to encourage them and he was too tired right now, feeling frayed too at the edges to attempt any sort of banishment, something he’d never actually done successfully in the best of circumstances. But right now he didn’t think there would be anything more fun than messing with a particularly grumpy spirit. It wasn’t like it could actually hurt them. What was it going to do, join the never-ending throng already keeping Klaus up at night? Why not, might be nice to actually see a familiar face.

“Hey Dave,” Klaus said after a moment. “What do you think you’d miss most if you were a ghost?”

“Oh, food for sure,” Dave said. “The pancakes Grace made us for breakfast? To die for. Er, live for? Whatever.”

“Mmm, yes,” Klaus agreed. He sat beside the front desk, tearing up bits of paper and flicking them through the ghost. “I think I’d miss clothes. This poor sap is stuck for all eternity in a towel.”

“At least when I was alive, I owned shirts that fit,” the ghost snapped at Klaus.

“You’re just jealous. I look amazing in a crop top. Now let’s talk in great detail about all the wonderful food and clothes out there.”

This went on much longer than it really should have with Klaus egging the ghost on, teasing relentlessly, but at least it made Dave’s shift more fun. But then, everything was more fun with Klaus. They messed around most of the night, and they brought the camera with, using it until it ran out of batteries.

-

Dave and Klaus where talking and laughing on the floor of Klaus’ old room, half leaning against each other. It was how they spent most of their days, just enjoying any sort of casual touch, completely content in each other’s presence, never running out of things to talk about. A knock on the door pulled them out of their own little world and they looked up to see Ben standing there in the doorway, video camera in one hand.

“You really should keep better track of your things.”

“Oh yeah, hey, I was wondering where that went,” Dave said.

“You left it by the door. Where did you get it anyway?”

“Found it,” Klaus said. “How did you know it was ours?”

“I watched the tape. Here I was expecting a ransom video or crime or something, not you idiots. It was actually pretty funny though.”

“Hilarious,” Klaus said, rolling his eyes as he grabbed the camera.

“Why would someone leave the entire camera as a ransom note and not just the tape?” Dave wondered.

“Who even owns a VCR anymore? But seriously, it’s good. You should upload it,” Ben suggested.

“I know you’re saying words right now but I have no idea what any of that means,” Dave said.

“You know how I showed you Wikipedia?” Ben replied. “There’s other websites too, some host videos. Upload this and anyone can watch it. People have actually made a living sharing videos.”

“Are you serious?” Dave said, looking absolutely enchanted in that adorable way he always did when learning something new about the future. He sat up causing Klaus to almost fall over which was less cute but Klaus decided he’d let it slide. “The future is wild. How does that even work?”

Explaining hits and monetization to Dave turned out to be the hardest part, but in the end they managed to get it uploaded. They were skeptical at first, unsure why anyone would want to watch them talk to something that didn’t even appear to be there, but it was almost an immediate hit.

Maybe it was because of the Umbrella Academy, maybe it was because it was just dumb fun, but either way they realized that they might actually be able to make some extra cash doing this.

(Read the next chapter)

[crazedlunatic]

Engagement Chicken

“Oh God. What are you doing here? Did I forget something? Shit.” Matt said, walking into his house and seeing Adrian in his kitchen.

“No!” Adrian said quickly, giving him a bright smile.

“What did I do?” Matt cringed. “I feel like I felt when I’d come home drunk in the mornings… Oh my God. Once I had been out to all these bars and I got home when Dad was leaving for the 4 AM shift and I handed him my ID because I got confused seeing him and thought it was another bar guy… Dad’s in like full uniform. I’m an idiot when I’m drunk… and sober too sometimes.”

“You drove drunk?”

“No! I walked home drunk… but he still took my license any time I wasn’t on duty and I wasn’t allowed out for a while… that’s when I finally got my own house.” Matt said sheepishly.

“Your dad grounded you at 21?” Adrian laughed.

“Uh, yeah. I mean… he’s an officer and my boss as well, so I kind of had to take it.”

“But he literally let you have your license when you worked but—”

“Yeah. I had to turn it in to he or Mark or Pete when I was off duty, leave the squad car there, and they would take me home.” Matt whined. “It sucks being the youngest. He wouldn’t have done it to the others. Actually, no… I do think he did something similar with Logan actually.”

Adrian took a deep breath to keep from laughing. Because, honestly, he could totally see that.

“It’s not our anniversary again, is it? That was last week, right?”

“Right. It’s not our anniversary.”

“Then what are you doing?” Matt asked. “Sorry. I’m not trying to be rude but I think I’m on my eighth day and my brain isn’t at it’s highest right now. Brightest? Highest? I don’t know. Did I forget something?”

“No.” Adrian said. “I am surprising you by making you an actual dinner that we don’t have to tip after… although there is one kind of tip I’d be okay with.”

“Wait. You’re making me dinner? Couples make each other dinner?” Matt’s eyes widened.

“Matt…” Adrian looked at him. “Have all of your boyfriend either been teenagers or worked in some form of emergency services?”

“Well I’ve only had three before you and, well, yes.” Matt looked thoughtful and then got an adorable smile on his face. “Aww, you’re making me food! It’s like you’re my house non-husband!”

Adrian laughed at him. “Well it is called Engagement Chicken Pasta.”

Matt rolled his eyes. “Sure.”

“No it is… but trust me. The only one with enough money to buy a ring here is you.” Adrian joked.

Matt looked at him, expression neutral.

“Not that, you know… one wasn’t delivered two weeks ago. I’ll have you know I have not looked at the jeweler’s website by the way.” Adrian gave a sweet smile.

Matt huffed—just like he did every time Adrian teasingly brought up the engagement ring sitting in it’s UPS box on Matt’s dresser. “I’ve got a plan.”

“I know.” Adrian smiled again when Matt came around, looking at the pot and pan on the stove.

“Ugh it smells delicious.”

“Well go take a shower and it’ll be done by the time you get out.”

Matt nodded, stifling a yawn, and left the room.

Honestly, he hadn’t seen Adrian—okay, really seen Adrian—in three days. He’d missed nearly a week with work, used up all of his sick time, and had been working extra to make up for other people having to cover.

And, yeah, the engagement ring was still on his dresser.

He probably should have found the time to open it and make sure it was the right ring… but that also required finding scissors and he wasn’t entirely sure he knew where any of the eight pairs he had were… because he literally had to buy a new pair any time he needed them because apparently they had their own legs or some shit like that.

He would have to tonight, though… since the plan was to actually propose the next day.

Loose plan, really.

And if Adrian said no he would end up, you know, living alone in a huge apartment in a huge city all by himself… no pressure, right?

Adrian wouldn’t say no, though.

They’d had the talk three times… mainly because Matt wanted Adrian to be sure before he did anything.

“Fine.” Matt huffed, taking a pen. He stabbed into the tape joining to the side of the lid together and ripped it open. He then pulled out the ring box, opened it, and stared at it.

Because, yeah.

It was right.

And it was there.

And by that time tomorrow, it’d be on Adrian’s finger… or they’d be on a very quiet car ride back to Cambridge.

But that wasn’t happening, so…

Matt snapped the box shut, put it in his nightstand drawer, and went to take a shower.

…

Adrian knew not to bother setting Matt’s kitchen table, which was why he sat two plates and drinks on Matt’s coffee table. Adrian preferred the kitchen table as a normal, functioning adult in society.

Matt, however, only let himself eat at a dinner table unless he was too tired to make it to the couch.

It was too adult to actually eat at a kitchen table, he’d told Adrian on more than one occasion in the two and a half years (was that right?) that they’d dated.

In Matt’s defense, Logan didn’t even have a kitchen table and his other two brothers were married so they kind of had to own one.

So, there. At least he owned one, right?

He heard the water shut off and sat down in the spot he usually sat on—furthest from the door because Matt was nuts and insisted he always be closest to exits in case someone broke in. Adrian assumed it was just habit that kind of worked it’s way into Matt’s personal life as well because he always liked to be in an area where he could see the whole room and where he was close to the exits.

He smiled when Matt plopped down by him, looking just slightly more awake. “Feel better?”

“Yeah.” Matt said as always—he even said it when he felt worse, mostly out of habit. “Why did you make me food?”

“You’ve just been… so amazing through everything these last few months. Between going to ask for permission and sticking up for me when I was in the hospital when my dad came in and taking care of me and… and putting up with my anxiety opening up for so long and I just… I’m not good with putting things into words really and I know you like food a lot.”

Matt stared at him—normally he would laugh, but he just stared into his eyes.

“Thank you so much for always waiting for me. For rescheduling the first date for two months… for the other two months when I kept messing around… for always understanding even when you don’t understand… for always protecting me to the best of your abilities… for loving me and just… being there no matter what.” Adrian swallowed and looked down. “I don’t deserve you.”

“I don’t deserve me either.” Matt joked, cracking a small smile.

“It’s like even at Gaslight that one day when you didn’t know… you knew.” Arian hesitated. “Remember that?”

“Well I didn’t know what was going on but… I’ve seen stuff.” Matt bit his lip. “Everything kind of clicked that day… even though I had no idea to what extend you’d gone through. But… you know, I’ve already told you… I’ll always wait for you to catch up.”

Adrian’s eyes teared up and he smiled. “I just… I really appreciate you and everything you do for everyone… but especially for me. I’m so happy to even know you but to get to love you and to have you love me… I usually don’t feel very lucky but I got really lucky with you, Matt… and I just hope you know how much I love and appreciate you even if it took me a little longer to get here.”

“I don’t care what happens. I will always love and protect you.” Matt said. “I’ve never felt this way about anyone else, Adrian, and I don’t even know what I’ve done to deserve you but every time I come into a room and you’re doing something and haven’t noticed me yet, I just look at you and feel like one of the luckiest people in the world because you’re so special.”

“I feel the same way about you.” Adrian’s smile grew. “And I do that too but you totally deserve somebody better than me. You’re too precious for me.”

“Yeah.” Matt joked, shrugging one shoulder. “You and all of Cambridge agrees.”

Adrian playfully punched his arm.

“So you know how to cook and it’s taken you two and a half years?” Matt asked, finally picking up his plate and relaxing against the back of the couch.

“Pretty much, yeah.” Adrian laughed.

Matt took a bite and his eyes widened. “Uh, yeah. I get why this is called Engagement Chicken.”

Adrian laughed louder and patted his thigh as he began eating it very quickly. “Did you not eat lunch?”

“Uh, I did… but this is amazing.” Matt said between bites. “This is better than anything Mama could ever make… don’t tell her I said that.”

“I definitely will not.” Adrian promised, eyes widening. “Just, uhm…. You don’t tell her either.”

“If you’d made dinner for me two and a half years ago, I’d probably have proposed to you the next day… just so ya know.” Matt said. “Is there more?”

“Yes.” Adrian laughed when Matt hopped up, going into the kitchen.

…

They had barely made it back into Cambridge the next day and Adrian may or may not have slept a good portion of the way back—after all, copious amounts of engaged sex in their new apartment in New York City… yeah, well, it had been good.

Adrian twisted his engagement ring on his finger after he woke up, letting out a loud yawn.

Matt glanced over at him, clearly amused.

“You know you don’t have to turn the music down. I’ll sleep through it.” Adrian pointed out, stretching his arms in front of him.

“You say that but every time I leave it on, it wakes you up.” Matt protested, glancing over again.

“So… you didn’t propose today because of the engagement chicken, right?” Adrian yawned again.

“No.” Matt laughed loudly. “I’ve had this planned for, like, a year. It was touch and go for a minute there, though, but it all came together pretty nicely.”

“A year?!”

“Mhm.” Matt nodded. “Although to be honest I kind of knew it was you on our first date. You know, after you quit being a dick.”

Adrian shot him a look.

“Seriously. I went to the bathroom, came back, and you were asleep. When I sat down on the bed trying to figure out if I should wake you or not you just scooted over until you were cuddled up against me and let out this sigh… I think I knew then.” Matt shrugged.

“Oh.” Adrian looked surprised.

“Then I got freaked out and slept on the couch.” Matt laughed.

“Seriously?” Adrian laughed. “If you’d woken me up, I wouldn’t have been mad.”

“But if I’d done that, we wouldn’t have gotten to eat breakfast together and then had really great sex… which, let’s be real, is probably what made you go on the second date… not that we had sex for two months after that since you let me know about what’s-his-name, but…”

Adrian rolled his eyes. “I may or may not have called that off after two months because that one night of sex with you was the best sex I’ve ever had.”

Matt flashed a grin. “Oh, I know that’s why you hung around. I’m not dumb.”

Adrian laughed again.

“So… the day before we get married, married chicken? Only it better taste exactly like that did.”

“Okay. Married chicken it is.”

Yes, engagement chicken is actually a delicious thing by the way...

So much Matt. So much happy Tamara.

[furbyfubar]

How's Sweden? 🇪🇺🇸🇪❤️

In what context? Do you mean for the country as a whole or what? Big question...

Never mind, I get few enough asks here that I can give you a more comprehensive answer. I'll use it as an excuse to take stock of my personal trends against those of my country? Sorry not sorry for the incoming wall of text. Note, this is why you shouldn't say "How do you do?" to anyone from Sweden; we're tragically likely to give you an honest answer!

Weather for Sweden: You're UK based, so lets go by stereotypes and start with talking about the weather I suppose? It's winter, so the weather here is *usually* quickly summed up as "dark". Right now Sweden has between ~7 hours 15 minutes of time between sun up and sun down in the far south of Sweden, and "fuck you" minutes of sun on the far north, where it's currently polar night until about two weeks into January. On top the normal lack of sun, Sweden got an early Autumn this year and had less actually sunny days than usual in October and November due to clouds. So yeah, vitamin D deficiency for about 25% of the population according to my doctor. And many of the ones avoiding a deficiency are doing it by eating supplements. On a longer time scale, ”climate” not “weather”... Yeah, we’ve been having heat records broken and all that shit here the past few years as as well while having some winters be worse due to the Gulf stream being messed up..

Rating: 3.5/10  – It sucks, but it's not much worse than the expected level of suckiness?Weather for me personally: I'm based in Stockholm and we're currently at 6½h of sun up time per day, but like I said, it’s been cloudy. Not so cold so far though. The problem for me personally is that when the sun goes down at 14:52 I often miss out on the sun completely due to my fucked up sleeping patterns. Or the sun is up but covered while I’m going to work and that's it for sunlight that day. I'd likely suffer from winter depression if only I could separate it from my normal depression. We’ve had some snow that stays on the ground, but we’re somewhat surprisingly not in the hell that is streets filled with snow-water slosh yet.

Rating: 3.5/10 – I don’t think the weather sucks more or less for me than it does for the country on average. (Places north of the polar circle excluded; I would really no be able to stand months of polar night.)

Health for Sweden: Sweden made #6 on the Bloomberg 2019 Healthiest Country Index, up two positions from 2017. Up from a score of 88.92 to 90.24 out of 100, so apparently it's not just other countries having worse health, things have gotten a bit better here.Rating: 9.24/10 – Well, Bloomberg hopefully put a lot more effort into their score than I’ll ever do, so I’ll just re-scale and steal it. 

Health for me personally: I had to basically skip a year due depression and exhaustion. Not being able to work due to a non-functioning brain obviously sucks, but to bring this back to how Sweden is: Being able to be on sick leave for almost a year and thus being able to focus on getting medication that works for me and not being worried about getting evicted for not making rent is a blessing. I'm back to working part time since October while still on sick leave for 50%, trying to ease me back in to the productive work force. So far going well. If I’d been forced to somehow work or starve, or live off my parents or something instead, I’m pretty sure I’d either be much deeper in depression right now, or be dead. I’ve still not really found meds that work great for me, but I'm feeling much better than I was a year ago.

Rating: 3/10 – I'm as optimistic as a clinically depressed person gets to be.

Status politically for Sweden (as I see it personally): It's getting more fucked by the day. The Moderate party just broke their campaign promise to not cooperate with the Sweden Democrats, a party born from neo-Nazi and white power movements. For UK context, think of the British National Party. Now imagine them going from a fringe group in the '90s to getting 20% of the votes in recent polls. They've been doing this all while having a whole bunch of scandals that would've hurt or killed the credibility of any non-fascist party. They're racist, homo- and transphobic, and operate their own alternative media that have ties to Russian disinformation efforts. So yeah, as a gay guy who's seen the inside of a few history books: Outlook not great.

Rating: 2/10 – If only because it can still get worse. Think first act of Cabaret.

Love life for Sweden: Hmm, check in on satwcomic.com I suppose?

Love life for me personally: Yes please? I've been single for longer than I'm willing to admit. I've barely dated anyone for ages due to my aforementioned depression making me not feel like someone worth dating. Also, there's some types of vitamin D deficiencies that eating supplements won't cure...

Rating: I really don't want to put a number on this so I won’t. Honestly, graphing out my love life numerically doesn't sound all that productive. But somewhere at the edge of the Bell curve is the guy for me?

Economically for Sweden: Sweden's been in a upward business cycle since 2016, but it's ebbing out and is expected to be balanced sometime next real. Ie, things have been good, but things aren't quite yet bad. Rating: 5.5/10 – I suppose? Not really my area of expertise.

Economically for me personally: Not complaining at all on this front. I got an IT job four years ago after having worked part time in retail for a bunch of years and having been a student before that. I've managed to not raise my monthly expenses even nearly as much as my pay went up. So while I’m not wealthy, I'm still surprised by being able to have a savings account that grows steadily and still having more spending money over each month.

My rating: 8/10 – This quote by Charles Dickens comes to mind: “Annual income twenty pounds, annual expenditure nineteen six, result happiness. Annual income twenty pounds, annual expenditure twenty pound ought and six, result misery.” 

Social life in Sweden: According to this article I just Googled up from half remembering reading in 2015, “The expat quality of life survey" published by HSBC, Sweden was the worst country for the category "Making friends". Looking at the data on HSBC's website we're apparently no longer dead last as a place to be making friends, we're now 31st out of the 33 countries listed, with Japan at 32nd place and Saudi Arabia last at 33rd. The United Kingdom is at 29th.

It is close to impossible to make friends here by talking to random strangers in most situations, as only weird people talk to strangers. Of course that mentality is self-fulfilling since if you assume any stranger talking to you is weird, drunk, or high, you will not want to make friends with strangers that talk to you, and you won't want to talk to strangers more than you have to or risk being branded weird. Even striking up random conversations at a pub will be more difficult here. 

But don’t despair, there’s a trick! Find the few social situations where Swedes want to talk to people they don't know: This is done by joining some organization or club of some sort. It doesn't really matter if it's a board gaming group, a student group, doing volunteer work for the local Pride or some other NPO or if it's a club for people who really like a certain breed of dogs. Once we've decided that we're among our own kind of people (and I don't mean "other Swedes") we'll happily talk to strangers, and not only about subjects related to that specific organization. Step two is converting them to be your friends and not just some randos you can talk to at some club meeting. I’m sad to say that traditionally this is done with alcohol, either by dragging people along to a pub/bar, or by inviting them or being invited by them to some sort of party. Without alcohol the fallback is fika. If the organization you’ve joined is something that you will naturally be spending time doing outside of the organization or club meetings that’s also ideal. Once you’ve invited or been invited to a few things outside of the organization it’s not strange to invite them to other social things than what the organization cares about.

For fairness to anyone reading this that didn’t read the article: I should probably also mention that the same HSBC study had Sweden as the top country in Europe for “overall quality of life” for expats here. And third best in the world, just behind Singapore and New Zealand in the same category. "Swedes make great friends but terrible strangers”.

My rating for making friends in Sweden is : 3/10 - Join a club, any club.

Social life for me personally: I have a few great close friends and a bunch more not quite as close friends who are also great. Come to think of it, many of them I've met through one of the three different organizations I've been most active in, and most of the rest I met through those friends. I'm really thankful for having friends who are still around even after I've spent way too much time feeling too bad to be very social or friendly at all.

My rating of my friends: 10/10 - No, I'm not biased.OK, so let’s average those numbers up and pretend the averages mean something!

Sweden: 5.81Me:  6.63Wait what? I’m winning?

[pentragons]

i hope this question isn't too personal but you seem like a very organized and balanced person and i wanted to ask you how you stay so focused in your studies instead of getting distracted to make something (unless you're studying design?) or by social media? i tend to get distracted super easily and want to do other things that i love or get distracted by sm and am really seeking advice. anyways hope your exams go well and your road trip is wonderful

Oh, anon, that is such a sweet question to ask, I feel really flattered!! But I am so sorry to hear you are struggling!! Please remember that whatever peoples lives may look like on the internet is not what their real life might be like, so please don’t put any pressure on yourself because of how others appear online! First of all: I am not studying design - I am studying for a teachers degree, which takes about 7 years in Germany at the highest level possible (which I am doing) :) I also work two jobs I really enjoy, one of them is at Uni as an assistant to a professor! So Photoshop is purely a hobby to me. But I think it’s funny you are calling me balanced and organized when both are traits I have struggled with (and still do!) a lot myself. A few years ago, around the time I did my A levels, I started to realize that something wasn’t right and that I wasn’t feeling well. At all. I passed my A levels (with very bad grades), went abroad (felt very lonely and sad most of the time), started university (barely able to wake up in the morning to go there) - all while being unable to do the bare minimum. I was struggling so hard, I was constantly sad, unfocused, unorganized and angry. I found out a few months later that I was struggling with severe depression and that I basically had to learn a lot about myself before I could be productive. Or even function. But to me personally, there are some things I learned that help me now. And becoming a teacher (and an adult tbh :D) requires you to be organized and to have an idea of what you are doing, so if I wanted to be good at what I am doing, I had to find ways of being as organized as I can be without losing myself in stress and anxiety. Here goes:

Try to fit small things like scrolling social media, Tumblr, watching YT, playing games on your phone, … into your schedule. I allow myself to do all of that - but it needs to fit somewhere into all the things I actually have to do. Use distractions as consciously as possible. I read on my daily train ride to Uni, check my phone in the 10 minutes I arrive early before class or scroll through social media after I’m done at Uni as a break. I try not to do it INSTEAD of something else, but rather before I do something, after I’m finished doing something or if I need a break. It’s almost like a reward and that’s a pretty cool thing if you ask me :) 

Try to force yourself to be productive by staying at uni/school to study. If I really need to do something, I go to my universities library, sit down in a row full of people and just get to work because honestly? I always feel like I would expose myself I started watching YouTube videos when everyone around me is working. In truth, no one cares but it is so motivating to see everyone around you (seemingly) working and studying! It also puts pressure on you to get your shit done because as I said, you don’t want to be the only lazy one!!

BUT always remember: you do NOT have to feel bad for the things you love, they are not a waste of your time!! If you enjoy making stuff in Photoshop? Go for it! A hobby, no matter what it might be or what others may think of it, is never ever a waste of time. You are doing something purely for yourself and that’s beautiful, you should always keep doing it. Don’t create false pressure by seeing the fault in something you enjoy. It’s rather how you do it, especially when, that matters. I use Photoshop to express my creativity, but I only try to open it when I actually have a good idea instead of aimlessly trying things. That way, I don’t spend too much time using it and when I do, most of the time it’s really rewarding because I actually end up with a finished edit :) It’s also completely different from everything else I am doing, so I love it as an escape I need, to feel happy and relaxed. 

Try to get to know yourself and how you work, it makes studying and working as effective as can be. Try out different methods of studying, different settings, find how you take notes, etc. I realized that I study best by attending all lectures, writing my own notes and then putting them on flashcards as early as possible. And you know what? It saves me a lot of time to read, to photoshop, to do whatever. Because I figured myself out and know how my brain works best. We often create unnecessary stress by trying to be productive but actually not having any idea on what works best for us. It takes some time (and some bad grades because I had nooo idea what I was doing) but YOU know how to handle yourself best. 

Do not feel bad if you were unable to do something because you were focusing on yourself. I realized that whenever I force myself to do something although I feel like crap, it only ends up making everything worse. Take time off if you need to, your mental health comes first! Sometimes I skip Uni and just spend my day in Photoshop or buried in a book. It may be a „waste of time“ to others but I am sure as hell not going to waste my wellbeing on falsely created standards. Everyone likes to lazy around and just have some time to themselves. Allow yourself to scroll social media for a whole day - you’ll realize quickly enough that you are ready to be productive again (๑￫‿￩๑)

I try to manage my priorities instead of my time. Instead of putting myself under time pressure, I always organize the things I need to do on a to-do list. I bought a very useful planner in which I do daily/weekly to-do lists. On Sundays, I try to think of anything I’ll need to do the upcoming week. During the week, I’ll add more things to the list. I always try to start early with whatever it is I have to do - for example, if I know I need to hand in something on a certain date, I start 2 weeks prior so I can do it at my own pace. That way, I can easily shift around my priorities according to how I feel/how lazy I am/spontaneous plans/etc. without having a bad conscience. And the best part? Crossing things off your list. SO SATISFYING. 

I don’t do this myself, but honestly, if nothing is helping use apps or websites that block your access to sites such as Instagram, tumblr or whatever else is taking your focus away. This is a really helpful list of apps and sites to use!

I highly recommend listening to Don’t Stop Me Now by Queen before anything you need to get done. Need to study? Listen to it. Walking into an exam? Listen to it. Just need to be productive and focus? Listen to it. Made me feel invincible and capable so many times! :D I am sorry this got so long, I am not sure if any of this is useful as it is what works for me. If none of it is helpful please remember that as I said, it’s a lot about getting to know yourself and finding out what works for you. Don’t feel frustrated if it takes some time to figure yourself out, working on yourself is something you can always be proud of! And always remember: no matter how put-together, organized and balanced people appear - most of the time, they are just procrastinating as much, are just as much a ball of anxiety as everyone and are trying to get their shit together like everybody else - myself 100000% included! If I can do it (which I question a lot!), you can as well!!! ᕙ( * •̀ ᗜ •́ * )ᕗ I believe you are a wonderful and kind person, so please don’t put too much pressure on yourself!! ❤(๑❛ω❛๑)ว  Everything will turn out beautifully, I promise you. 

[icanseeyoufromhere]

On lists and lessons

March 26, 2018.

December 10, 2018.

January 14, 2019.

February 26, 2019.

April 24, 2019.

June 20, 2019.

These are dates that I’d like to say I’ll always remember, but I probably won’t. I mean, I am terrible with names, dates, all that good stuff. 

For example, I often confuse my kids’ birthdays. 

This gaffe is not totally unreasonable. Camilo was born on 9/18/15, and Magdalena was born on 9/14/17. Both are September babies, and all the other numbers in their birthdates sit in the ‘teens, really close to each other. But I’ve had people look at me twice, because I get the dates wrong. You do not want the receptionist at the ER questioning your maternity in the middle of the night when your kid has got croup.

So I’d like to say I will remember the dates of my six surgeries, but I am just not sure. 

Happily, I have this little blog, and now the dates are forever archived somewhere in the ether, for generations to come:

1. March 26, 2018. First (unilateral) mastectomy on left side, to remove cancerous tumor, with removal of lymph nodes and insertion of expander.

2. December 10, 2018. Emergency replacement of expander with silicone implant so that I could have an MRI of my ovaries. Fat grafting to help fill out the implant so it would look more natural.

3. January 14, 2019. Second (unilateral) mastectomy (prophylactic this time) on the right side, with insertion of expander. Excision on the left side to scrape out some remaining tissue that wasn’t fully cancer free and also to remove a patch of skin that was dangerously thin.

4. February 26, 2019. Total hysterectomy, including removal of tubes and ovaries.

5. April 24, 2019. Emergency replacement of expander on the right side because skin had become blistered and eventually ruptured. 

6. June 20, 2019. Replacement of expander with silicone implant on the right side. Fat grafting on both sides to help fill out the implants.

My kids’ grandkids didn’t even know they wanted this list! And now they have it. You’re (all) welcome.

Anyway, I have had six surgeries in just over 15 months. Four were planned. Two were not. My body has been through the ringer. I’ve taken so many drugs of so many kinds--antibiotics, opioids, acetaminophen, stool softeners, even a bit of valium; had lots of JP drains (including one currently); and have so many scars all over my torso, my breasts, and between my legs.

It shouldn’t surprise that, over the course of these medical procedures, I’ve learned quite a bit about myself. I thought I’d list a few of those lessons here, alongside (or just below, really) the list of dates of the surgical interventions that have marked my life (and my family’s life) since I had my first mastectomy last March 26.

A short-term thing (god, I hope it’s short-term):

1. I now go to bed with the reasonable expectation that I will be up for at least half the night (often more), unable to sleep. 

Early menopause has not been completely unkind to me. The hot flashes are hot, but they’re manageable. I’m feeling generally pretty good emotionally, although now when I get mad (not an uncommon thing, heh) I tend to get really mad, really fast.

But I don’t sleep. I mean, sure, I will fall asleep, often as early as 8:30 (because I’m so damn tired). But I will quite reliably be up again, sometimes at 10, sometimes at midnight, but always before 2 am. And then I’m up. Like, really up, often for a really long time. Hours and hours. With phone, without the phone (I know the screen messes with our sleep cycle), it doesn’t matter. And I am so fucking tired. 

During those sleepless hours, I spend a lot of time wondering. I wonder how long one can function with so little sleep. I wonder if lack of sleep can cause cancer. I wonder if this world will be around long enough for my kids to have grandkids. I wonder about concentration camps and my kids drowning in pools and if I passed along my genetic mutation to either (or both) of them. You get the gist. These are not pleasant musings. I try to shift course, meditate, play Wordscapes on my phone. I run through my old high school balance beam routine, over and over in my head. I get up, kiss my kids, drink water...I NEED TO SLEEP. So, so desperately. 

I’ve learned, in short, that early menopause for me means coping with temporary insomnia.

Other, longer-term lessons:

2. Each surgery has required at least a couple days of repose. I have learned, however, that I. Cannot. Just. Sit. Still. Four hours after my total hysterectomy I was picking up toys and sweeping the floor. You know, just some light housework after having a few reproductive organs removed. It’s rather sick. I’m not proud of this. My inability to lie in bed probably helped produce some of the physical setbacks and at least one of the emergency surgeries (#5. April 24, 2019). It has not, however, produced ANY FUCKING SLEEP. So go figure. 

3. I am a lazy medicator. I mean, I took my antibiotics every six hours for seven days, as per doctor’s orders. But I’m really bad with pain management. To wit: I still haven’t taken the 500 grams of acetaminophen that I was supposed to take two hours ago, even though I feel quite a bit of pain under my right armpit, where the scar is healing and the JP drain is protruding from my skin. It’s the same when I have a headache, or when I used to have menstrual cramping. I just ride out the discomfort, as if science hadn’t created tiny, magical pills to take away the pain. I don’t know why I am like this. I literally just typed about my need for acetaminophen. I have the acetaminophen right next to me, as well as a glass of water. And I still haven’t taken it! What is wrong with me? 

(I just took the acetaminophen.)

4. When I woke up this morning (after falling asleep some time around 4 am), my feet were where my head should be. As in, I decided to flip around and put my pillow at the foot of the bed. As a long-time poor sleeper, I, at some point along the way, realized that this shift in perspective could at times help me fall asleep.

Matias mocked me earlier today about this, saying something to the effect of: “What do you think that does for you? It’s ridiculous.” 

(Oh, the hormonal-induced RAGE.)

Setting aside my offense for a moment, let me put on my social scientist hat. There could be science at play here. Flipping the person is not unlike flipping the mattress, right? And there is loads and loads of research (read: un-verified websites like this one) on the benefits of a flipped mattress! So, yeah, when I cannot sleep, I have learned that turning around at night can help. Insomniacs, take note.

5. Finally, and perhaps rather cheesily, my body is fragile and also fierce. 

When I had the emergency expander replacement (again, surgery #5, April 24, 2019), my plastic surgeon used both stitches and staples to close up the space where the bad skin used to be. It was the most Edward Scissorhands-y of all of my surgeries. The suture crossed my breast, from about 2:00 to 8:00, just missing the nipple. It was creepy. I couldn’t look at it. I didn’t even document it with a photo, so I can’t share the evidence with you here. (Sorry...or, perhaps, you’re welcome?) 

In the matter of a 1.5 hour surgery, my body had been opened and then sealed shut, with metal and twine and glue. For weeks after, I looked like a sewed up ragdoll from the stories (and nightmares) of my childhood. 

My skin, so delicate and yet so robust. Today, you can barely see the scar. 

When I look at my JP drain, my scars, my new breasts, my newly curly hair (it’s called “chemo curl”), I think that we, as humans, are simultaneously strong and weak. So prone to damage, and also so highly resilient. Vulnerable to illness and yet up to the challenge of fighting it. 

I don’t seek to resolve this paradox. I marvel at it sometimes. I cry about it too. I’ve lived with it for months and think it probably best to simply describe rather than explain its existence. 

I will say this. The duality of our physical reality (its fragility and its ferocity) does give me hope, for my kids and for us as a society. (When I get real dramatic I extrapolate all the way out to humankind as a whole.) 

We impart pain, we receive it, we recover. We hurt and we heal. Hopefully, we learn at least something from the process. 

It’s been seven days since my last surgery, and I’m still spending a lot of time in bed, despite a (growing) list of work to do, an impending move to another country, and a house that is just begging to be cleaned. It took six surgeries, but I now know that rest is important--indeed, necessary--for our fragile bodies to recover their strength. 

Add that to my list of lessons learned.

[dearly]

I don’t know if I’ve misread posts on here or not, but when everyone was discussing what type of contracts solo 1D would sign people were saying a distribution deal was the best and that it was good that Louis had a D.D because he would have more (that’s the keyword) creative control. Is it possible for Louis’ situation to be like Ciara’s, Sky Ferriera, when he has a D.D (w/ the theory that Syco doesn’t like his music)? Or are there examples of artists like him with a D.D I haven’t seen

P.S - I haven’t checked if Ciara or Sky Ferriera signed D.D so if they have, I guess I just answered my own ask, sorry 

this answer is going to be incredibly long and rambly but the TL;DR is:

1. we don’t actually know what any of their contracts or deals look like and what they entail.

2. ‘distribution deals’ are not the saviors of artists and are actually just a step up from 360 deals.

let me start off by saying the stuff i know has come exclusively from researching and reading books about the industry and reading what multiple artists have to say. i don’t work in music. i’m not a lawyer. (i do work in entertainment and while i do think some knowledge is transferable i cannot claim that it is exact.)

i think if you want to understand the types of record deals you should read this article by david byrne of the talking heads, (he actually wrote a book about the industry but i haven’t gotten my hands on it yet). this is how he describes a DD:

2. Next is what I’ll call the standard distribution deal. This is more or less what I lived with for many years as a member of the Talking Heads. The record company bankrolls the recording and handles the manufacturing, distribution, press, and promotion. The artist gets a royalty percentage after all those other costs are repaid. The label, in this scenario, owns the copyright to the recording. Forever.

There’s another catch with this kind of arrangement: The typical pop star often lives in debt to their record company and a host of other entities, and if they hit a dry spell they can go broke. Michael Jackson, MC Hammer, TLC — the danger of debt and overextension is an old story.

Obviously, the cost of these services, along with the record company’s overhead, accounts for a big part of CD prices. You, the buyer, are paying for all those trucks, those CD plants, those warehouses, and all that plastic. Theoretically, as many of these costs go away, they should no longer be charged to the consumer — or the artist.

Sure, many of the services traditionally provided by record labels under the standard deal are now being farmed out. Press and publicity, digital marketing, graphic design — all are often handled by smaller, independent firms. But he who pays the piper calls the tune. If the record company pays the subcontractors, then the record company ultimately decides who or what has priority. If they “don’t hear a single,” they can tell you your record isn’t coming out.

i also just finished reading moses avalon’s book which talks about various contracts and deals, and he highlights how indie labels can sign distribution deals with majors, or vanity labels with majors which is what SZA and her indie label top dawg did with RCA. jimmy iovine discussed this on beats 1, just how much $ sza and her indie label will keep, but there’s not much talk about control. other people were concerned about her involvement with RCA even though she’s still signed to top dawg. from transcending sound:

An indie label will sign a distribution deal for some of the reasons why an artist may sign to a major label: because of the money, influence, and experience that the distribution label has in releasing something on a bigger level compared to the indie label.

Of course, there are positives and negatives to signing a deal like this, such as the ones discussed in the article I mentioned earlier. In the case of SZA, there are more positives than negatives. TDE has done a lot in building her career thus far. However, with her growing (and demanding) fanbase as well as her sound (which can be very different from her TDE label mates), a label like RCA could do wonders in helping her, in conjunction with TDE, become an even bigger and more well-known artist than she already is. Also, TDE sells the physical copies of their artist’s albums – other than the ones distributed via major labels – via their website, which doesn’t do as many numbers compared to the streaming and digital downloads. The backing of RCA would do a lot for her in physical sales and in the mass marketing of the album. Plus, RCA Records is owned by Sony, one of the three major labels, which means they have the manpower and influence to do big things.

But, we also can’t forget about the negatives. The major negative that I have, other than ownership of the artist’s work, is the relationship that an artist has with their label. With the alleged issues that Tinashe has or had with RCA in terms of her music being released, a lack of attention, and control (or ctrl) – which people occasionally mention in reference to SZA’s relationship with TDE – is something that is a cause for concern. This may not be an issue because of the entities involved in the deal, but it’s something that will sit in the back of my mind.

We don’t know what the details are of SZA’s deal. I’m also concerned that there will be a change in direction of her sound and her look. But with the things that she and TDE have done, the deal should enhance all of what they have done in the past.

so far it seems like RCA did well by sza, but as the article above discusses and what jimmy iovine said, she’s in a very unique position. her indie label top dawg has been working on building her up and has been able to negotiate a very beneficial deal. meanwhile, the labels that each 1d man has signed with their respective majors are not actual functioning labels. which suggests that in fact the major they are each signed to is doing all of the work, and does have a lot of say– they just don’t have the copyright to any of their respective music.

billboard had this to say about the new frontier of deals, and with regard to sza’s situation specifically:

Terms range from now-­standard 360 contracts and joint ventures to new types of licensing arrangements. Capitol Music Group this week is ­relaunching hip-hop’s storied Priority Records as a way to bring on acts more quickly using wide-ranging deal options and ­services, from ­promotion to ­marketing. Warner Music Group (WMG) launched U.K. imprint Artists to Watch in March to snag streaming-first hits earlier, after rebooting Giant Records as a singles label in Spotify’s home country, Sweden. Licensing deals, which give artists or their indie labels copyright ­ownership and at least half of the ­streaming ­royalties, are also surging with younger acts: RCA is pushing R&B singer-songwriter SZA’s album Ctrl after temporarily licensing it from TDE in a deal that TDE co-president Terrence “Punch” Henderson called “unheard of.”

to add more confusion, this excerpt suggests she has a licensing deal and not a dd, but we can’t know exactly which it is, can we? and her itunes music profile looks the same as the 1D mens (-zayn) so does that mean they’re also just licensing their music and not having a dd with their majors? i would say no, since this deal is called “unheard of” but you can understand how murky this is right? even when the details of a deal have been discussed a lot we still don’t actually know what’s at stake. all we know is that niall, louis, liam and harry have ‘licensed’ their music to their major label. and that’s barely one piece of the puzzle. the rest has to be deducted from everything around them.

because the uk has public filings for companies we can take a look at the way each of the boys’ “home” labels’ finances look like – 78 productions hasn’t filed anything for 2017 yet so we can’t look at that. but we can compare liam and harry’s filings. on the surface they have the same deal, albeit with different majors. both of their output is under “exclusive license” to their to their major labels. and yet their filings are incredibly different. just take a look at what hampton records (liam’s company) has reported and what erskine records (harry’s company) has reported for 2017. there’s a stark difference there, even though on paper the have they “same” deal. does that make sense? 

i don’t know if this was helpful at all to you or if it just confused you more. but basically i think it’s important to remember that DDs are not somehow liberating them. i do believe louis has some form of creative control, but that doesn’t mean his output can’t be rejected. i don’t think he can be “forced” to record something syco wants but they can keep rejecting what he does record and leave him in limbo for however long they wish.

i still, somehow, have hope that whatever his new management is they’ll be able to give syco/epic a kick and make louis a bigger priority so he can get a chance. 

[sup-hoes-its-me]

Oceans (Levi x reader)

A/N: So, this is the first oneshot I’ve ever posted on this website. I love this with all my heart. I wrote it to the song, "Oceans" by Seafret, a song about two people who love each other but are confused and conflicted. 

Note: the reader in this is female. I’m sorry, next time i can try to make it gender neutral.

Word Count: ~6,400

I want you. Yeah, I want you. And nothing comes close to the way that I need you.

"He seems like a trustworthy man. I believe he's good," Y/N muttered quietly, her hand placed firmly on his shoulder. Another man stood in the opposite room, waiting for one of them to invite him back in. Earlier that evening, the man watched as she and Levi took down a group of thugs by themselves, "proving their worth", as the stranger said. 

"It's been the two of us for so long, and we don't have to join his gang, you know? If he wants to, don't you think having a new person on our side could be beneficial?"

The dark-haired partner of hers scoffed and crossed his arms, peering through the doorway to catch a glimpse of Farlan. He was observing the equipment they had set up on the table, only with his eyes of course. If he wanted, he could easily snatch up those materials and run without being caught. Or he could do even worse.

"How can you be so trusting? He could gain your trust and kill you."

She sighed, "I'm trusting him, Levi, because we need another person." She took a deep breath, preparing herself to say something dreadful, but something that needed to be addressed. She knew he hated to speak of it, and she didn't like it either. She continued, in a much softer voice than before, "God forbid anything happen to you, or me; but if something does happen, what will we do then? You'll be fine, but if I was alone, I don't know what I would do. I'm not strong like you. I can't do this alone."

"What the fuck, L/N? Don't say stupid shit like that. You know I'm not dying any time soon, and nobody's gonna lay a hand on you if I got anything to fucking say about it," he hissed. "I don't trust this guy, and you shouldn't either."

"You don't know that! You don't know if some raid will happen tomorrow and you somehow get overpowered. You could die, and I would be alone. I can't do this without a friend. Hell, right now, I can't do anything without you. If you die, I...Shit, Levi."

He grimaced, unable to watch her give in to those emotions. When her lips dipped into that pained frown and her eyes lost that spark in them, that made him physically ill. "Tell me what you want."

"Levi, I'm asking you. Give this guy a chance," she stated calmly, although she felt like running from the room and telling the man he was invited into their gang herself. They were partners, so she couldn't overlook his wishes that way. She would damn try to change his mind though. "This is a choice you won't regret, I know it," the woman smiled, placing a hand on the side of his neck and running her thumb over his jaw.

Angrily, he tossed off her hand and marched past her into the other room. The stranger looked up from the table, eyes seemingly showing no emotion. Y/N could read him though. He was nervous. The way he stood, his back straight and head tilted a bit forward in anticipation. His hands were in his pocket, but he was fiddling with his fingers anxiously.

What would Levi say?

"Listen. You got a place with us, but you mess up one time and you're dead." So, he did listen.

The dirty blond quirked up a bit at his words, knowing the threat was real, but accepting of the terms nonetheless. "Understood. Thank-"

Levi was quick to intercept, pointing over his shoulder at the woman who leaned against the doorframe, a small smile on her face. "Don't thank me. If it were up to me, I'd have sent you on your way an hour ago. My stubborn-ass friend is keeping you around."

The man walked over to Y/N and held out his hand. She smiled and slipped her own in his, placing her other hand over top of theirs. He couldn't help but smile at her kind, warm nature. So, this woman was the one who believed in him?

She continued to hold his hands even after a firm shake, staring up at him and then peeking over his shoulder at Levi, who was furiously packing up supplies for their next outing. Every now and then, he did sneak glances in her direction, just to make sure she was all right. "Levi's a nasty little man, but I can convince him of anything if I try hard enough. Just come to me if you need anything, okay?" She tilted her head to the side and sent him another one of her signature, blindingly white grins. Farlan had to admit, he was a bit swoon.

Finally, she released his hand and walked around him, heading over to Levi. They were closer than family, Farlan knew that. He also knew that meant suffering and pain in tragedy.

For now, it was best to just remain content. It's the only thing that can be done.

I wish I can feel your skin, and I want you from somewhere within.

Y/N laughed in her seat, throwing her head back and flailing her hands through the air like a child. Farlan sat across from her, smirking ear to ear at his ability to make the woman laugh so hard. He was telling her about the time he fought off a squirrel. In reality, it wasn't as funny as she was making it out to be, but the way he told it made her so giddy.

"Farlan, oh my God. Give me a second, I'm wheezing!" she exclaimed, pressing a hand to her chest firmly to calm her breathing.

He smiled and sat back. "Sorry. Sorry...but I have to say, you look cute laughing like that-"

"I am not cute, don't you dare," she laughed, pressing her hand to her forehead and groaning. The man often complimented her in very blunt ways, and as much as she was flattered, it was still embarrassing. Especially when she felt Levi's eyes staring into the back of her head. Yet, she ignored her partner and stood up, holding out her hand shyly. "Come on. I want to show you something."

"Show me something? What is it?" he perked a brow, but stood up as she asked, placing his hand in her small one. Y/N smiled softly and moved to the middle of the room. From there, she carefully placed her other hand on his shoulder, not letting go of the one she held.

"I was reading a book and it had a chapter about ballroom dancing," she explained, moving his hand to rest on her hip, curving a bit around her waist so his hand rested in the small of her back. "I hope you don't mind."

He chuckled, quickly gathering her up so he could lead. She was surprised he knew what he was doing, or vaguely understood some steps. They were clumsy, stumbling around and stepping on each other's feet. Nevertheless, she was smiling and laughing the entire time. He twirled the girl around dramatically and pulled her back, snug to his chest.

Again, as she turned around, she could feel daggers in her back, stabbing at her from beyond. Upon turning, she noticed for a split second that Levi was once again, staring at her with such anger and disgust in his eyes that it must have put a strain on him. She frowned a bit, stepping away from Farlan. Swiftly, she leaned up to press a quick kiss on his lips before backing away and walking over to her oldest friend and closest partner in crime.

She rested a hand on his shoulder, as she did before. Only, this time, he grimaced and pulled away. This left the woman confused and nervous. Was everything okay? "Levi, are you okay? You're acting weird."

"Yeah, everything is fine...other than the fact that we have work to do and you two are fucking around instead of actually getting shit done."

We hide our emotions under the surface and tryin' to pretend.

During a particularly rough day of training, Y/N hurt her arm badly, loosing more blood than her body could handle. Fortunately for her, the accident happened only days before the big expedition.

She was still in the infirmary. Her arm was bandaged and after a blood transfusion, she was functioning properly, if only a little weaker than usual. The doctor told her that the units would be back at the end of the day, and she would join her friends for dinner in the dining hall. She was simply waiting for the time she could go back to normal and get out of his damn bed.

The doctor came by an hour later and ushered her out of the infirmary, telling her the soldiers were back and she would need to leave to make room for dying soldiers in dire need of assistance. Y/N was fine with that, just going to the dorm she and her family were bunked in for the time being. Soon enough, they would come piling into the room to tell her about their adventure outside the walls, fighting off titans.

She waited for nearly three hours, reading a book provided to her by a man named Moblit. Finally, the door clicked open and the shut quietly. She couldn't help but notice only one set of feet sounded in the room. Where was everyone else? Were they still cleaning up or doing chores?

"Hey. Where's everybody else?" she rolled to sit on the bed, setting the book she held to the side, marking the page with a small piece of scrap paper. When she received silence in reply, she stood up on wobbly legs and walked over to her friend, placing a hand on his shoulder gently, the pads of her fingers just barely touching his white shirt. "The mission...it went okay, right?"

"Y/N..." he said quietly through grit teeth, refusing to meet her eyes.

Her breath caught in her throat, but she would not worry yet. Why should she worry? Farlan and Isabel were tough and strong underground folks. There was no way some titan was going to take them out so easily. "Someone's hurt? Isabel...Farlan didn't-"

"Just shut up. Shut the fuck up," the man shouted, slamming his fist into the bunk bed, denting the wood. His hand started to bleed, and she noticed it dripping down is wrist. If this were any other time, she would fuss over it and make sure he was okay, but right now...There were more important things.

Y/N stood up, but stayed distant. When Levi was this angry, there was no kindness left. She let her arms fall to her sides, only they were tensely held away from her body. "Are they-"

"No! Fuck, one of those fucking monsters destroyed them."

"No, no, no. They have to be okay. Farlan...he wouldn't-"

"He's dead! Isabel is dead! They both fucking died," he screamed, his eyes squeezed shut tightly, almost as if he were hiding from the real world. Tears gathered in her eyes as she stumbled back, her hands going to press to the sides of her head. She let out a loud whimper, which quickly turned into a pained cry of utter agony.

Y/N collapsed in a heap on the ground. She yanked at her hair, and kept crying and babbling hysterically. Isabel was like a child to her, she cared about her more and more every day. And Farlan. Farlan was the love of her life. She was engaged to be married in only a few months. She realized in that moment she would never kiss him again, or feel his arms snake around her in the middle of the night. She'd never hear him laugh or watch him smile at a new adventure.

The world as they knew it, ended that day.

But it feels like there's oceans. Between you and me.

"Eren! Hanji's been telling me all about your progress with the titan form," Y/N commented happily, that relaxing smile on her lips. The boy smiled back and nodded. She was a Captain, just like Levi, but she was kind. She brought everyone together during training in a way no one else could. It was so easy to work under her because she was proud for the little things, and that made people want to do so much more.

She was the Corps's heart, and no one ever messed with that. Except maybe one person, but that was another story.

She reached out to placed a hand on his shoulder. "I'm so proud of you."

"Thank you, Captain," he sighed softly. She was not only kind, but very pretty. She had pretty e/c eyes and soft, healthy hair she kept brushed or tied up (if your hair is short, just go with it) Any quirks or imperfections only added to her cuteness. It might be inappropriate for him to think that of a superior, but it was undeniable to most.

Once again, she nodded, and pulled away, resting her hands on her hips. "Well, I just wanted to make sure you knew that."

"Not to sound rude, but you've been really nice to me for some reason. I'm not saying I don't appreciate it or anything, it's just-"

"No, no. I get it. I hope it's not too weird," she sighed, turning her head to look off to the castle. A little pain struck her heart at the thought. Quietly, the woman mentioned, "You remind me of my daughter from quite a few years ago. It's just a force of habit, I suppose."

"You had a daughter?!"

Y/N frowned a bit and shook her head. "Sorry. She wasn't my daughter, but we were very close in that way. Unfortunately, she passed away a couple years ago. Being around you makes me think of her."

"Oh." Awkward.

"Again, I'm really sorry. That probably just made things weird for you."

"No, it's okay." Only, it's not really okay. It's some kinda awful to find out you're like a son to your crush...No big deal there, not at all. "Shit..." he suddenly muttered, but corrected himself swiftly, "I mean, sorry, but I really have to go now. Bye, Captain Y/N." He waved anxiously before turning around and nearly running away from her. That could only mean one thing.

She didn't bother to turn around to see who it was. She already knew. "Levi, did you need something?"

"You tracked mud into my office again this morning, you shithead."

"I'm sorry. Just leave me alone today, okay?"

"No! You never take anything seriously. You always mess around instead of actually doing your job properly. Is it so hard to wipe off your boots? Do you always have to turn in paperwork late? Why do you fucking baby the cadets so much? You always do shit wrong-"

"Why don't you go to fucking hell, Ackerman?! I'm sick and tired of you yelling at me all the fucking time. You don't even yell at the cadets this much," she turned around and cried out, pointing at him angrily. He always pulled shit like this and it wasn't amusing, it never was.

He was fuming at her words, unable to control himself. Around her, even after all these years, he was never able to get over the pain he felt. When he looked at her, he saw everything over again. He made it a goal to turn her into something negative, but it never worked. It was always the same fucking thing every single time. He saw them, dead in his arms. He saw the four of them flying through the air in the underground, stealing apples from carts and starving occasionally, yet always getting through that shit together.

Sadly, that was all over in a single moment. That one day when everything changed.

Y/N hadn't yelled at him that way. She never screamed, not even when he angered her. It was always the same thing. She would try to calm him down and then leave when he didn't give in to her coaxing.

Not this time.

"I'm sick of you ignoring me. Levi, we were best friends. I've known you since we were fucking ten years old. Ten! We've been through everything together, and you just fucking up and leave me because of something neither of us had any control over. What the fuck happened to us? What the fuck? What the fuck? What the fuck!?!??!" Y/N screamed, clawing at her hair. It was a terrible habit of hers that she never grew out of.

His shoulders fell a bit. What she said was all true.

"You know why. You know why this all happened. I can't fucking get over it."

"You think it's any better for me? You think that looking at you and being around doesn't bring back all those memories?"

"They were the only family I ever had."

Tears were threatening to spill over as he said that. "What about me? Levi, I don't know if you realize this, but you were my family. I was an orphan since the day I turned two years old. I never knew my mother, or my uncle, or anyone else. The only person I ever knew was you. You were my family," she breathed, "and if you can just forget about me like that, then I guess that means I never had any family at all."

Nothing. He said nothing.

Finally, those tears started to fall, but she refused to let him see them. Furiously, she turned around and ran to the castle door, shoving Hanji out of the way without a care as she rushed down the hall, escaping whatever pain awaited her outside, not that she wouldn't feel sick to her stomach for hours in her room.

But I know what you deserve. You know I'd rather drown than to go on without you.

Levi sat in his office, staring at the papers before him, all scattering the desks in an jumble of words he didn't particularly care about. What he did care about was Y/N, the woman who ran from him crying a mere day ago. He hadn't tried speaking with her yet. 

He loved her; genuinely and unconditionally loved Y/N. She was his partner since the beginning. They did everything together. Everything was always about Levi and Y/N; it all revolved around them for so long. For a long time, all he knew was her face and her voice and the way she could fight like a soldier and curse like a mafia man. 

But, now, every time he sees her, he's reminded of those years they spent with Farlan and Isabel. All those times they ran from danger or stole together, or trained on the gear out back so they wouldn't get caught. It all burned, those memories pinching at nerves in his brain. 

And sometimes, he just couldn't take it. He couldn't take the way she smiled, and spoke, and fought, and cursed. It all reminded him of them and their old life together before anyone died. She reminded him of Farlan, and all those nights he watched them dancing around the living room like two lovesick children. 

When she was with Eren, taking care of him like he's her own, he would be reminded of sweet Isabel, the girl Y/N practically adopted as her own. The way her eyes would light up in the darkest of moments, or her sheer determination to make it out alive. 

For some stupid fucking reason, every time he laid eyes on Y/N, it all came back to him. 

And he could only assume she felt the same way with him. He didn't understand how she could be so kind to him, want to be around him so much, when it all stung so badly.

Frustrated, the man stood from his chair and walked to the door. For only a moment, he paused, looking at the doorknob intensely. This was his way out. Once he opened the door, he would go and visit the woman of his nightmares, yet the woman that also haunted every single one of his waking dreams and inhibitions. 

Shaking his head, he opened the door and left the room, heading down the hall in the direction of her office, where she had presumably been for the entire day, as she failed to attend breakfast or lunch. 

The door mocked him when he finally stood before it. Her name, the one he knew so well, the one that slipped off his tongue in every tone of voice imaginable. Anger, happiness, glee, relief, fear, confusion, endearment, and love. She'd always been there right beside him, and now it felt like they were miles apart.

He knocked on the door softly, his knuckles just barely hitting the door with effort. "Come in," she called quietly, almost as if she were weak. 

Visibly, he grimaced. It was obvious who the cause of her weakness was.

He opened the door slowly, and stepped in, shutting it behind him with a small click that sounded tremendous in the tense silence of the room. Why the fuck is silence always so fucking loud that it feels like pounding on the ears, and it's beating on the brain like a drum.

His heart rate was normal, but he knew it would speed up soon. Once he saw her face, looking at him angrily, he knew it was all over. This strong, raging face he held up was no longer there. Without waiting for her to say anything, he walked over to her desk and placed his palms on it firmly, keeping him rooted to something solid. 

"Listen, Y/N," he began, his voice heavy with regret and reluctance. 

She stopped him bitterly. "Listen? To what? You've said all I've needed to hear." 

Did he feel awful? Was that cold, biting feel in the back of his mind, threatened to come up full force actually what he suspected? Was he afraid? Afraid of what? Rejection? Blame? Isolation? 

Yes.

He took a deep breath. What was he to say? How could he begin to beg for her forgiveness without giving up his pride. He didn't want to lay his heart on the table for her to handle, but that seemed inevitable. "I never meant for us to end up like this. I never meant for you to hate me."

She frowned and coldly laughed, letting her head fall back on the cushion of her chair. It wasn't a real laugh, it wasn't anything except a cruel, hidden cry for help. Although years had passed since they shared a true and mutually kind conversation, he knew her tendencies just as before.

Her voice was pained, so agonized it caused him to grimace inwardly. "Levi, what did you expect? I've only tried to show you kindness, to bring back what we had before the fall and before we were soldiers. But, you shove me away. You have never shown me the same affection we shared."

"You know things are different now-"

"Different? Am I a different person than I was before? I know you've changed, but I am the same Y/N you knew before. I lost my fiance and a girl I thought a daughter, and I got over it," she explained, "What have you done?"

"I've tried so fucking hard, but you weren't there to see them die, Y/N. You didn't see their bodies or the titan, or anything."

"You think I didn't stay up for weeks imagining it? Imagining the blood and the screaming, and their cries for help when they died? You really think I had the easy end, don't you?"

"You're right."

"The only thing that kept me sane, that kept me from me from killing myself, was you. I thought that even though I'd lost two of my dearest family members, that I still had you. You and me, partners again like the old days, you know?" A tear dripped down her cheek while her voice crackled. Swiftly, she wiped it away, but failed to hide her distress.

She didn't deserve this. Y/N, she didn't deserve him and the pain he caused. That afternoon was the day he realized he fucked up. He really, really ruined everything, something he believed she did all those years.

It feels like there's oceans between you and me once again.

For the past two months, Levi and Y/N have been...communicating. At first, it was difficult for him to even look in her direction without becoming upset. She tried to be kind to him, but his presence made her sad, frustrated, and confused. If only things could go back to the way the used to be. 

He sighed, watching her from the opposite side of the dining table. She sat, speaking calmly with Mike and Erwin, both of them talking about their days while the commander added his input on occasion. Levi wanted to talk to her. 

He hated to admit it, but he also knew it was obvious. It was so simple, yet so hard to grasp. He missed her. He missed her far too much. Her smile, and her laugh, and the way she always had his back no matter what. 

Again, after all these years, he wanted her.

When they were younger, living together underground as just partners, he'd wanted her. She was his best friend, his companion, and his entire social life. She was beautiful and kind, and so fucking brave it could scare him at times.

And as they grew up, and they found knew people, Y/N fell in love with someone else. She fell in love with a genius, who was kind, tall, and just as brave as her but with compassion and empathy:  something Levi always lacked. 

Maybe he was okay with the way things turned out. He was going to watch the pair get married and grow old together while he remained alone. He wanted her, he wanted her so much that it hurt, but he was fine with her being with Farlan. The guy was good for her. They were a match made in heaven, or whatever the fuck is out there.

Now, as they sat together, the only two survivors of the world of hidden underground pain and destruction, in a room full of people so much different from them; he realized that he might have a chance. 

He might have a chance if he wasn't so fucking stupid. 

Swiftly, he pushed out of his seat after glaring at her for a solid four minutes. His head was spinning with foreign emotions. Without looking back when the others called to him, he rushed out of the hall and slammed the door behind him. 

He didn't know it, and honestly, she was surprised as well; Y/N pushed out of her own seat and ran off after him. Erwin called for her to explain what was wrong, only she couldn't hear anything but her own footsteps leaving the hall.

I want you

Why was she running after him? Why did she leave the hall and follow him even though she was enjoying herself? All her mind could think about was Levi. She remembered meeting him as a little kid, watching him cry and hearing him tell stories about his mother and his uncle. 

She remembered Farlan and Isabel dying. She remembered the anger he felt and expressed as she crumbled on the ground sobbing and screaming like a baby. Levi slammed his fists into the bunk and broke the bedpost, throwing it into the wall furiously. He cursed the gods, and he cursed the titans. 

Although she was in pain herself, she heard and saw the effect their deaths had on Levi. She watched as he broke down in contrast to her own ways. He was torn to shreds; the aftermath was legendary. 

And watching him run from the hall that night, she couldn't help but worry. In truth, she needed Levi. He was all she had left.

Maybe she was afraid he was hurting again. 

Quickly, she followed the halls and the turns  until she stopped in front of his office. Heavy boots and mindless words rushed through her mind, clogging her ears and blocking her from seeing reality. Slowly, without knocking, she opened the door and walked in, leaning back on the wood to close it. 

Levi sat at his desk, staring at her just as she stared back.

"What's wrong?" she asked. And he told her.

I want you

"Levi, what are you doing awake?" Y/N asked as she ran into him in the hall, only two candles illuminating their way, one on the wall and other at the end of the hall. She peered up at him curiously, her eyes scanning his for answers before he could even begin to explain.

He frowned and cross his arms over his chest. "I could ask you the same thing."

She tilted her head to the side and smiled. He never answered the way she wanted, and that was okay. It was always like that. "I've been up doing paperwork. It's due tomorrow morning," she replied, "I was getting some water."

He nodded. "I couldn't sleep. Decided to do rounds to make sure the cadets were in bed."

The woman smiled and rested her hip on the wall, smiling softly. "You can't sleep. Any reason why?"

"Do I need a reason?"

"No," she replied. "Do you want to come to my room and help me with paperwork then? Maybe it'll make you tired."

He quirked a brow and his frown deepened. They were thinking the same thing, because she smirked and nodded her head. "You just want me to do your work for you." Nevertheless, he walked beside her as she headed to her office. 

When he opened the door, he was pleasantly surprised by how clean it was. Of course, it was nothing compared to his own room, but it was decent. He walked over to her desk and sat down in one of the two chairs opposite of her own. It squeaked the moment he put his weight on it, signs of terrible, fake leather.

"I only have these three papers to do, so it won't take long."

"Why do you always wait until last minute? I would have thought you'd grown out of that habit," the man hummed and took one of the papers, sliding a quill from the holder as well. When they were younger and living together, she waited until last minute for everything, without fail. It was annoying, to say the least.

She replied with a swift and simple, "I don't know" and continued to scribble down her signature on a piece of paper, tossing it into the finished bin at the corner of the desk. She worked on the final paper while he slowly filled out the other. 

Silence. So much silence beating at their skulls. 

He peered up without lifting his head. She was looking at him as well, only she quickly looked down when she noticed his eyes on her own. He frowned and continued to look at her, waiting for her to look up again. It was obvious she would do it again.

And she did. Her gaze met his and she flushed, looking to the side. A smirk rolled only his lips. "Why are you looking at me, Y/N?"

"Why are you looking at me?"

"Because you're looking at me."

Irritated, she shook her head. Softly, but honestly, she answered without falter, "I was looking at you because I like being with you. I know we've been talking more often, but it's still weird to sit here with you like old times."

"I like this," he confessed nonchalantly, keeping his eyes locked on hers. 

She turned a light shade of pink and bit her lip, trying to hide her rush of emotions. The way he was looking at her, and the way his lips curled up like that made her feel strange. It felt foreign, yet oddly familiar, how her heart was twisting, and her mind was running a mile a minute. "Me, too."

After a few tense moments of staring and the quiet sounds of their breaths, she cleared her voice. He waited for her to say something, anything that could make him feel worth living. And, when she began to whisper in that terribly nervous voice of hers, he knew. "Back when we were younger, I always had this stupid, weird thought. I don't know if you would care to hear it now, but..."

"What?"

"I always felt something for you that I didn't feel for anyone else. I don't really know what it was, but it was an urge, a strong urge to just never leave you. You made me nervous, and kept me up at night sometimes," she paused, watching as his features softened, a signal that she could keep going, "And all I know is that in these past few months, I've started to feel like that all over again."

Time slowed. But her heart sped up. 

"I know what you mean."

Her breath caught in her throat for a moment, as did her words. Her eyes refused to lift to see his own, those powerful, grey eyes that kept her locked in a trance. His replies, the way he agreed, they meant so much. Her heart pounded against her rib cage, threatening to break through if she didn't continue.

"Levi, I don't know what is left for us, and I don't know how much time we have left, but I love you. I've loved you for so long. Even when I was with Farlan, a part of me still loved you."

He shook his head and looked to the ceiling. His hands clenched into fists by his sides and held onto the arms of the chair, squeezing until it hurt. His words burned into their ears before he could really think what he was saying. He muttered, "I don't really know what love means, fuck, I don't really know anything for sure. But I want you."

"I want you, too."

Slowly, she stood from her seat, leaving her paperwork behind. He watched as she rounded the table to stand in front of him. God, it felt so hot, he was burning. Gently, she moved forward, sitting down in his lap so her chest pressed to his just slightly, skimming the point of no-return. 

His hands went up to meet her cheeks, bringing her lips to meet his own. For the first time, he felt he'd done something right.

And always will.

Moments. 

All it took was a few single moments for the entire world to come crashing down around him. He searched the trees and the skies for Y/N, scouring every leaf and every cloud for her silhouette, flying through the air was the precision only she possessed.

Nothing. Eren stood beside him on a tree branch and the rest of his team either balancing on their gear or on the ground, looking around. Jean was quick to take down the titan that threatened them, but they hadn't done it fast enough.

Suddenly, a scream, a gnarled, guttural howl strikes the air and gathers the attention of everyone in the surrounding areas. Levi, with great precaution, looks down to where the scream came and notices Cadet Braus standing in front of a crimson, bloody mound of green and white. 

Everyone knew what it was. Levi, tried to fight the thought. He pounded it from his mind in those few seconds he flew through the air to the ground, landing beside Sasha. There on the ground, staring up at him it seemed, was Y/N L/N. 

What was left of her, at least.

It was truly, and utterly disgusting: the way her organs were splayed out of her rib cage, and her legs were nowhere to be found. It was merely half of a woman, and it was a scene he knew all too well.

Without thinking, he dropped his swords to the grass, his legs going weak beneath him. Knees hit the ground and his hands grasped at the weeds under his hands, digging his fingers into the dirt and yanking at it painfully, easing this feeling in his chest that only seemed to bubble more when he continued to stare.

His head hit the ground, and he made no sound. He merely sat there, as still as a statue. He was aware that her lifeless body sat mere inches from his head, and that he could smell the iron in her blood, painting the scene brutally. He felt the warm blood run through his fingers and stain his forehead, sinking into his pores. 

He lifted his head once again, just enough so he could look into her beautiful eyes, wide open and scared, so fearful of what was to come. The painful, inevitable death that was to come of every soldier. He knew there would be a time, but he didn't want it to come. 

It's funny how he never needed her, but the second she's gone is the one moment he, without question, needed her more than anyone else.

He crawled forward weakly and lifted her head in his hands, holding her bloodied form in his palms. Her stained h/c hair ran through his fingers and her cheeks, though paled and lacking life, were still round and gentle as they were before. 

He placed her head against his chest and hugged her tightly. He looked away for the first time, and to the sky. A tear dripped from his eye, followed by another, and another until he found himself sobbing. 

Desperately, he pulled at her form, hugging her to his chest and bawling into her hair. He smelt the shampoo she used that morning mixed with metallic stench. It stung his eyes and burned his nose, but he didn't stop inhaling her scent. He clawed at her cloak, tugging it around himself as if wrapping her form around him for the very last time.

"Please, don't leave me. Please, you're the only one I have left," he sobbed into her neck, lips recklessly running along her skin, heightening the feeling of the warmth draining from her form. He cried harder, "Y/N, I love you. I love you, so come back."

Nothing. 

Eren came up behind him and placed a tentative hand on his shoulder. 

Levi knew it was time. He knew he would have to pretend it was all okay. He'd finally lost everything, and now he would get back up and pretend it never happened. 

It's just one life, Erwin says. But, maybe it's not. Maybe, it was his own as well.

It feels like there's oceans between you and me

[youtiaoshutiao]

Hi can you suggest me drama/s like a love so beautiful or with you? Thank youu

hello, sorry i took some time to get to this ask! I assume you mean cdramas?

uhm to be honest i don’t really have many recent modern-day cdramas under my drama-watching belt (i spent my first few years of cdrama watching slaving away at catching up on hu ge’s and alec su’s old dramas haha) and i give up on dramas way too easily so i don’t really have many recs, which are further whittled down if you want dramas similar to alsb/with you :P

I would say the closest I can think of would be with you’s sister drama, 你好旧时光/my huckleberry friends, which is set in the same high school and features some crossover characters as well. It is slightly more dramatic/angsty as opposed to the slice-of-life nature of with you though (more dramatic things happen at least) but I think it does explore the emotions and thoughts of the main characters well, just like with you did. I only caught up to episode 12 though before I got distracted so I can’t say how the whole drama is like, but I’ve heard generally good things about it up till episode 28 haha (the last 2 eps were not very well-edited apparently). It has a rating of 8.5 on douban (a chinese website where ppl review media) [vs With You: 8.8 and ALSB: 7.3]

if you are talking about similar dramas as in high school dramas, then I also remember liking the webdrama version of 匆匆那年/Back in Time too which traverses high school and university. But this is really different in tone from ALSB/With You in the sense that it isn’t really cute at all and it’s pretty sad towards the end (spoiler alert: the otp doesn’t get a happy ending). But it was a very well done coming of age drama I guess and it was pretty affecting in all its emo-ness in its last stretch. If you are familiar with c-ent Bai Jing Ting is the 2nd male lead (and I who am normally 100% die-hard first male lead stan had 2nd lead syndrome in this drama). [Douban Rating: 8.1]

In A Good Way/我的自由年代 is a taiwanese drama set in university too (in the 1990s) which I personally really like!! It balances a lot of elements really nicely, like friendship, growing up, standing up for your morals, while having a really cute and healthy functional OTP too! It starts to get a bit serious and draggy and angsty in the end though (the plot veers into stuff about male lead’s father who is a politician) and it has an open ending, but overall it’s a pretty good drama :) [Douban Rating: 8.3]

a drama that aired around the same time as ALSB and My Huckleberry Friends was Where The Lost Ones Go/可惜不是你 which is similar in the sense that the OTP got together in uni and then reunited many years later. I’ve seen quite a few people like it and say that the OTP is cute in the uni segment. It does seem quite angsty though… I watched 4 eps before abandoning it cos it felt a bit too dramatic for my taste/felt a bit like an extended MV but then don’t trust me on my taste hahaha, it does seem to be pretty well-liked by people! [Douban Rating: 7.0]

another ‘get together in uni - bad things happen - reunite many years later‘ drama is 何以笙箫默/My Sunshine. The uni segment is only a couple of eps though and the main plot takes place in adulthood. Uh I liked the uni eps and the actors playing the younger versions of the OTP way more than the adult versions. The whole vibe of the show is kind of dated and I’m overall kind of just meh about it, but this drama is adapted from one of the most popular internet romance c-novels around and I think it does have a pretty addictive quality to it. [Douban Rating: 6.5]

there’s also Love O2O/微微一笑很倾城 where it’s a uni romance (and based on a novel written by the same author who wrote My Sunshine) but that is one of the most popular cdramas in the international drama fandom so I guessing you probably might have watched it already/heard of it :P This was just meh to me too cos I thought the OTP was kind of awkward and too unrealistically perfect but looooooots of people loved it! And I do love the visuals in this drama the dorms and the gameplay scenes were really pretty. [Douban Rating: 6.3]

if you don’t need subtitles, apparently 一起同过窗/Stand By Me is a really good coming-of-age story about a bunch of friends in uni. It doesn’t seem to have any popular actors which is why I barely heard about it at all till I went to search douban for some recommendations for you hehe. I browsed through one ep which was alright (apparently the first ep is the worst and it gets better). I might pick it up when I’m done with the rest of the dramas I am in the midst of watching… It has the highest rating on douban (tying with With You) among all my recs :P [Douban Rating: 8.8]

–

but if you are looking for similar cdramas in the sense of looking for fluffy romances irregardless of setting/plot, I personally don’t have recommendations but some popular ones in the international cdrama fandom are:

boss and me/杉杉来了: based on book written by same author who wrote my sunshine/love o2o. didn’t watch this at all, but i think the otp is a ditsy female employee x tsundere male boss [Douban Rating: 7.0]

my mr mermaid/浪花一朵朵: otp is female intern sports journalist x male competitive swimmer. I watched a few eps/certain scenes and abandoned it, it’s just not really my taste haha. But it stars tan songyun! (aka genggeng) and lots of people thought it was cute… [Douban Rating: 5.1]

Fyi, the douban ratings are just a reference for what the chinese netizens think (since that is not as accessible as opinions of international drama fandom if you don’t know chinese). It’s not entirely accurate though because the douban community is not reflective of the entire chinese population/the ratings of dramas there are also prone to ghostvoting/trolling.

Haha hope this helps! sorry I’m kind of useless when it comes to recs, I drop dramas way too easily/i’m quite meh about a lot of dramas that the international community love, so it’s hard to have a good selection to offer you :P