#sorry for the brain vomit

[makikothevampiru]

been squealing about imodna for hours now AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA "YOU ARE MY TETHER" ?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!!??! "I DON'T MIND BEING YOUR BETTER HALF" ?!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!?????!!!!!!!!??????? AND THE I LOVE YOUS. "I LOVE YOU SO MUCH." "I LOVE YOU MORE THAN ANYTHING." AND ALL OF THIS HAPPENING RIGHT AFTER IMOGEN ASKS ORYM ABOUT HIS HUSBAND???? AND THE LONG PAUSE AFTER LAUDNA ASKS IMOGEN WHAT SHE WAS AFRAID TO SAY...then changing the topic. MISS LADY WE KNOW WHAT YOU AREEE!!! What. What if they kiss in the next episode. Vaxleth style. Like. Imagine Imogen kissing Laudna in the midst of it all. Also, I reaaallly feel like this was the episode Imogen wanted to confess but didn't, and also the episode Laudna started realizing her feeling for Imogen. like. like. idkkkk. kiss??? spend the rest of your lives together in love??? I'm running around the entire house.

[darlingghoulette]

Heartbreaking to think about the fact that Eddie 1000% had already decided that he wasn’t making it out alive when he and Dustin were in that field. And I mean, like, duh, yeah everybody already knows this, it’s his whole character arc, but like--actually watching that scene back knowing and looking at his mannerisms is a gut punch. 

His little smile after There will be no more retreating for Eddie The Banished just says it all. It’s all fatal humor and anxiety. 

He cannot possibly see a way any of it ends well for him so he’s going to do his fucking damnedest to at least make it worthwhile, make it worth something.

And his final piece of the act is to put on a smile and pretend he’s going to be following them all out of hell afterwards so he doesn’t traumatize Dustin even more. 

His last thoughts were making his own passing as easy as possible for his friend and fucking OUCH

[sickficideas]

"You just threw up the water you had ten seconds after drinking it, but you're still gonna keep saying you're fine, huh?"

[cut-aare]

Scribble dump ft. MK and Red Son!!! (More of a blending mode and brushes experiment)

[ivanttakethis]

Till has to have known Ivan had a crush on him right. He's not that oblivious. He didn't think Ivan was trying just to bro it out with him like bros do right. He didn't think they were just pals palling around. He didn't think that his very much straight friend Ivan was just asking for a kissy right.

I feel like this Alien Stage Friday post is going to come back to haunt us later

THIS ALIEN STAGE FRIDAY IS GONNA HAUNT ME FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE!!!!1!!

Source

Honestly, I don’t know WHAT is rattling around in Till’s skull.

He may not know that Ivan likes him in the same way that he likes Mizi, but I hope he doesn’t think this is average bro behavior 💀

Kissing your guy friends isn’t just “guys being dudes” Till! That’s guys being gay!! (Or bisexual, at the very least)

And also, what the FUCK Ivan?!?

You think the guy who considered KISSING YOU as a BIRTHDAY PRESENT doesn’t care about you AT ALL????? 🤨

Till wasn’t in Anakt Garden chatting it up with fucking Acorn like “Yeah bro when’s your birthday? I’ll kiss you on the mouth as a gift, no tongue tho.” IT’S JUST YOU.

If any other guy even thought about asking Till to kiss them, he would probably punch their lights out. Actually, I’m surprised he didn’t punch YOUR lights out!!

But the fact that he didn’t means SOMETHING!!!

You think Till wouldn’t be TRAUMATIZED over you SACRIFICING YOURSELF FOR HIM after KISSING HIM LIKE YOU ASKED FOR YEARS AGO?????????? LIKE HE’S NOT GONNA REMEMBER THAT SHIT?????????

[abes-biggest-supporter]

I feel like this scene really made it clear to Abe that, whether he likes it or not, he is now a symbol of freedom that slaves are willing to die for. I feel bad for Abe because at the end of the day, he’s just a mud who didn’t want to get eaten and is now messiah. Earlier he told the shaman that “we’re free now” and “I’m just so tired.. we’re all tired” but he didn’t understand how deep this is, it wasn’t just him and the others at RuptureFarms, but so many others. Abe is destined for a long fight ahead and I feel so sad for the little guy.

His final look back at the worker is so sad to me, along with how Abe gently holds him. Abe cares so much, and even in concept artwork of the movie Oddworld was working on, he cared for the cattle he looked after to the extent of keeping their ID tags after they’ve gone for slaughter, with written personal names for each one.

I love Abe’s character so much. The horror that he’s seen and the mind breaking truths he’s been through, and yet he gets up because he has to, because there’s those who rely on him, and he cares. Not just for his own freedom, but for the freedom of everyone too.

(Also credit to MKIceAndFire YouTube channel for screens lolz)

[flying-ham]

I know we’ve all discussed Lucy Gray as a foil for katniss, peeta, snow, ect BUT I think she’s all of them??? Lucy Gray is the blueprint for modern hunger games, and so she has elements of all the victors who came after her

Her theatricality and beauty captured the capitol from the moment she was reaped with nothing but a snake, a song, and a rainbow dress, the same way katniss captured them volunteering for prim. But even more so, she could use her songs the same way peeta used words. She knew how to use her talent in her favor, and ultimately won the hunger games because of it.

She may not have been a career, but she was still offered up as a (forced) sacrifice to protect the other girls of the district. She showed the capitol that the children in the districts were almost human, setting the stage for the luxurious quarters and food tributes came to expect. She’s the whole REASON mags’ 11th games had a victory tour! Parading her around like a spectacle to be dehumanized, instead of a traumatized teenage girl forced to fight for her life and forgotten back in the districts.

Hell, her and tigris’ implied prostitution is likely the origin of snow selling desirable tributes like finnick and cashmere

tldr: Lucy gray is a bad bitch who can’t be compared to just one character from the original series, because she’s an amalgamation of many different victors who came after her, and was largely the inspiration for all future hunger games

[mugentakeda]

the way crocodiles whole body came out of that sand blast he used to protect luffy and jimbei at marineford lit keeps me awake at night dude so you mean to tell me that croc used himself in the form of a sand blast as a body shield for them. Against the dude that can turn himself into MAGMA. risked instant death by body turning into glass. he just sent up sand on its own for ace but for luffy and jimbei he turned his literal body into a defense like that sand that shot akainu WAS CROCODILE. do you understand the insanity. do you understand

[sparring-spirals]

Compromise. Im not going to actually WRITE meta but i AM going to lay out a list of things I'm thinking about broadly and thematically and would probably write meta about if i were properly caught up and informed, but is instead influenced much more by early campaign F.C.G:

**edit: no this is kind of meta again. sorry.

- F.C.G grappling with the questions of: being made. purpose. whether it matters if you find your own purpose if you were made with one in mind and you "choose" something else. Can you actually? Does it matter? Is your choice a choice at all?

- Wanting so badly to heal people and help people and the unique fear of waking up and seeing damage done by your own hands. To the same people you wanted so badly to help. You extend healing and you offer comfort or kind words but all the while, in your core is a tightness. In your core is a danger. How much good do you need to do to get the blood off your chassis? Can you, at all?

- Metal body. Metal hands. A little wheel. You were a turtle once and it felt so wondrous to breathe. You try out tongues or little wooden legs or whatnot but it always comes back to an inorganic metal body and empty insides no matter if youre filling them with liquids or secret goods to smuggle or pastries (faux warmth). Maybe everything like wooden legs dangling off a metal body. All for show.

- A coin in hand. Looking for a higher power. Thinking about choice. Deferring choices.

- You love your friends, so much. You love people being kind to each other. You love your boyfriend and their wonderful way of thinking. You love being alive. Even when you doubted you were at all. You love, truly and deeply.

- Ashton raging at F.C.G for being a martyr. For aching for a good enough reason to get himself hurt or killed or blown up. Ashton looking at F.C.G knowing they're all messed up inside and trying so hard to stop them from letting it destroy them.

- Ashton always worried about how they're always trying to find a big enough cause, a good enough reason.

And so with those things, I remembered about F.C.G:

- F.C.G looking at their friends all down. Ashton laid out unmoving.

- F.C.G with something awful in their core. Ready to spill out. The same something awful they were always worried about. They were always aware of.

- F.C.G always looking for that reason. For that bigger and better cause.

- F.C.G always feeling like they didn't understand purpose, like it was so. unattainable- finally, briefly, startlingly- sure. Finally free of doubt. Their friends down and something awful and destructive in their core and one last thing they can do to maybe make things worth it, and the ability to choose it. They were made for something. They chose what to do with it.

- F.C.G finding that reason. F.C.G making that call. F.C.G thinking it was worth it.

- I think because of him, they succeeded. They won. That is certain.

- I think. "Worth it". Is always a subjective thing.

- I think. A self sacrifice is never just one person giving everything up. A self sacrifice, unfortunately- is one person making a choice.

And everyone else caught, in the blast radius.

[therethatstar]

*I* raise you Pond cuddling with Phuwin and Parker and Hana.

okay okay alan. i am here. and i see the vision.

pond starts bringing parker over when he comes over to phuwin's place because he wants parker to be familiar with hana. and parker is quite hyper as you would expect a gold retriever to be. but when it comes to sleeping, they find that parker would snuggle up somewhere near phuwin's leg because phuwin sleeps pretty still and pond has a habit of moving alot during his sleep so parker stays the farthest from pond lol

hana is different tho. hana does not like to be held. in general. but especially when she's sleeping. not even by phuwin. and the first few times, hana doesn't even let pond hold her. but turns out, hana was just taking her time getting familiar with pond because by the time she is comfortable around pond, the damn cat is always on pond's lap or anywhere in close proximity to pond. EVEN WHEN SHE'S SLEEPING. suddenly, she always snuggled up in pond's arm when they get ready for bed time. would literally squeeze between pond and phuwin to be held by pond. and sure, phuwin thought it was cute at first. happy to see hana finally warming up to pond. and phuwin hates to admit it. but hana is kind of taking all of pond's attention from him. it's stupid. phuwin knows it's stupid to be jealous of his cat but pond lets him cuddle up to him everytime they spend the night together and these days they're sleeping almost practically at an arm length from each other.

he sort of brings it up to fourth. to which fourth raises his brows at him, "you're not jealous of your cat are you? because that would make you sound ridiculous."

phuwin just stares blankly at him, lips press into a thin line.

"okay, you're fucking jealous cause your boyfriend likes your cat more."

technically they're not boyfriends. phuwin doesn't know what they even are to each other. friends who cuddle? friends who fuck on the regular? friends who get familiar to each other's pets? whatever any of those things mean. but that's beside the point.

"it's not that im jealous. it's just. i rarely get to see him as it is these days. and the only time i get to see him, hana is always in his arms."

phuwin wants to bring up that just the other day, pond came over and he went straight to pick up hana. phuwin can let go of the fact that pond didn't even give him a peck on the lips. and pond ALWAYS does that. but the fact that pond barely spared a glance at phuwin? phuwin doesn't bring that up to fourth tho because he thinks it will really make him sound insane.

"maybe you can bring it up to him?"

"and have him think im insane?"

"look phuwin. i don't know if anyone has ever told you or if you're that oblivious. but pond is pretty fucking insane about you. in case that wasn't clear to you yet. so im pretty sure there's not much you can do to make him think you're more insane about him than he is about you."

phuwin doesn't bring it up to pond tho. even if he thinks about doing so many times. but it's just. how the fuck do you even put something like that into words that doesn't make you sound like you're out of your mind? 'hey i like that you're getting along with my cat so well but like she's kind of getting all of your attention lately so like can you kiss me and hold me to sleep is that too much to ask?'

as they're getting ready for bed, phuwin wraps himself in his blanket and he can feels pond staring at him. he turns to pond, "what?"

"why are you sleeping so far?"

it's only then when he sees that hana is laying somewhere near pond's head.

"hana gets all fussy when she gets squeezed between us."

"well hana isn't between us now. so come here."

"no."

pond looks a little taken back, "no?"

"hold hana. whatever."

pond looks a bit confused at first but his eyes change. like something is clicking for him.

"phuwin, come here."

phuwin only frowns, or maybe he's pouting, he doesn't know. even makes a move to scoot farther.

"no!"

"khun tang. come here before i get to you first."

phuwin scoffs at that. what is pond gonna do if he doesn't? manhandle him like a sack of potatoes?

as a matter of fact, that's exactly what pond did. one breathe and pond moves at the speed of light, scooping phuwin in his arms in no time. he holds phuwin close to him, chest presses to chest, squeezing phuwin so tight, it knocks all of the air out of phuwin's lungs. phuwin tries his best not to hug him back because he's still very much sulking. but that only makes pond hugs him even tighter.

then pond pulls back, before pressing a quick kiss to his lips. "you're cute when you're jealous, phuwin."

what a fucking insane thing to say. phuwin is NOT jealous. "and you're not cute when you're delusional."

"over your own cat too."

"i don't know what you're talking about."

"hana is hella of a fluff ball to hug to sleep, i will admit that. but you know who's even more of a fluff ball to hold to sleep?"

phuwin glares at him, "compare me to a fluff ball and you're sleeping on the sofa."

pond curls his lips downward, teasingly, "who said i was gonna say you?"

phuwin pinches the lower of pond's stomach, "think again before you even try to insinuate that you're holding someone else to sleep."

pond whines, laughter bubbles out of him, "oh we're getting aggressive in bed now. are you gonna start biting next? never thought i would be into that. but i could be."

"pond!"

pond laughs out loud, bending down to kiss the frown off of phuwin's lips. then kisses him again. then on his cheek. his other cheek. his nose. his eyes. his forehead. his lips again. deepens it until he feels phuwin responds back.

he pulls after a moment, glancing down at phuwin, lips all red and swollen, eyes widen, "even if i'm not holding you to sleep, i think about holding you to sleep. i think about you all the time, you know that? only you."

and he says it so easily. so casually. like phuwin's world doesn't stop spinning for a moment. like phuwin isn't tipping over into a void. like phuwin's heart rate isn't a racketing mess now. like his chest doesn't feel tight like there is a lack of breath centering around his heart. his gut throbs, heart kicked dumb.

and phuwin's heart feels like it's ten and a hundred and a million sizes too big for his body. for the universe itself, even. because pond is still smiling at him, nothing coy or hint of obnoxious in it, at the edge of shy and so so honest. because pond is not the universe but he looks like he could fit the entirety of phuwin's soft mushed heart inside himself, keep it safe, keep it his.

[orbch]

“i love to project my chronic illnesses onto characters i like” i say, immediately after suffering due to my chronic illnesses

anyways logan has chronic migraines that causes extreme nausea yayyy

[nonbinarypirat]

Heyyy so I saw you were open to questions and doing commentary!! So I was wondering do you think Azz and Iruma’s relationship is different than Clara’s and Iruma’s? And and also would love to hear any love trio thoughts🙏 tysm !!!!

this is a great question!! as a spoiler, i am deeply in love and invested in the soulmate group and love the connections they have together and on one on one ways. yes! i do think they are different in many ways! Here's a little break down on my thoughts on their relationships :) .Get ready for word vomit, i went overboard

Azz and Iruma: Azz and Iruma relationship is one of deep personal openess. That isn't to say that they leave Clara out of their personal feelings, they do, but both of them lacked the normal carefree freedom as kids. Azz because of his brilliance and Iruma because of his parents.

Due to this, we see they often fall into sharing thoughts and anxieties with each other in their solo interactions. Azz and Iruma have also known each other the longest, at least a week or two went by before meeting Clara. So Azz met Iruma VERY much when Iruma was at his weakest moment, when he was so confused about the world he found himself in. And despite the weridness with their relationship at the start, Azz has always been there with Iruma, he's the third person he ever met here. With Azz having toned down is extreme admiration to Iruma this has made these moments possible between them.

I also don't want to make it seem like they don't joke with each other, we have seen that they do. They have both changed so much when it comes to having fun thanks to Clara. Now, they are able to have a shopping day and be silly. But without Clara to really push the envelope when it comes to fun, they have more calculated fun.

Clara and Iruma: Very much a playful cutesy relationship. (I honestly hope we get more interactions of just the two of them in the future.) Clara represents the childhood Iruma never had, never could have, and therefore allows him to explore childlike wonder. How to open up in more expressive ways, carefree exploration, amd fun to the fullest extent. And by doing so, Clara is able to understand Iruma's moods better than most since we let our guards down completely during moments of pure relaxation.

We see this when Clara immediately saw Iruma was upset and needed to let out his emotions and just be a child. She knows when Iruma is genuinely happy and when he's stressed and doesn't know how to express it. And we have seen that Iruma greatly appreciates Clara for letting him experience and understand playing, something he never had the time to do before. And by being around Iruma, Clara has been able to develop strong moral and logical thinking. Clara has always been a character that is more aware of what's going on then she let's on. But I think the childlike part got in the way of full development in this aspect of her character.

With Iruma, she is able to explore and understand more complex ideas and thinking. One issue with being so isolated like Clara was is that she never got to explore any type of critical reasoning. These things can only be developed by interacting with others. And so, in the beginning Clara was very short sighted and immature. Now, she not only has the love trio, she also has the misfits and it's not clear if she would have been able to create this friend circle without meeting Iruma. She has grown so much as a character and I love seeing her be mature and willing to make sacrifices (putting aside Iruma time because Azz needed it more) while still being chaotically happy.

Love Trio: What can I say that probably hasn't been screamed about in a different post. They are soulmates, deeply connected to each other in every way and bring out the best in each other. They don't "complete" each other, more like they allow for each other to be themselves to the fulllest. They all default to too serious/angry (Azz), too hyper/inconsiderate (Clara) and too in his own way/"yes man" (Iruma) when apart and together, make up for their weaknesses and boost their strengths.

Each of them has been important to the other's growth. They all have their place in the love trio and deeply love their roles too. The love trios relationship is based on deep trust, mutual (and healthy) dependency, and joy. By being with each other, they have created a safe space to allow expressiveness and vulnerablity while still leaving room for fun and happiness.

And it's so cute to see how close and personal they all get. Especially Asmodeus who always felt more standoffish to physical affection in the beginnings, even with Iruma besides a hand of the shoulder. As the story progresses, we see them be more comfortable with each other and that shows in their physical closeness. It's just a wonderful design choice on the artistic side of things and perfect for showing them care more for each other. On a personal note, my headcannon is a queerplatonic poly relationship (though sometimes I ship it as a full on romantic relationship) so it's even cuter to me.

anyway, those are my thoughts and interpretations of the relationships! since this post become super duper large, I will make a seperate post about Azz and Clara and link it in the comments because their relationship is shaping up to be very cute too and not just iruma focused :)

[crustyfloor]

thinking about how Ivan is so strict and tedious with his schedule because he probably likes having that one consistency and bit of control in his life

[crowcussion]

reuploading this from my tiktok because why not since like 1 person from here has it LMAO

[moonchildeath]

i cannot start explaining the duality of this lyrics—it's obvious, but at the same time can have so many meanings.

one. the bitten becomes the bitter. ascension it's reaching the highest point, and vessel can now bite back in anger at the god(s) or is a god itselft.

two. a metaphor. at first i would have taken everything for you, i would have smiled trough the agony. but now i realized it was all worthless, you never gave me the same, so don't try to come back or i will bite back.

three. in high water it talks about the future, " when the mouth of infinity . . . i'll smile". the bite maybe was something to look forward to. ascension. he was going to smile for sleep. but he realized it was all a lie, he's only a vessel, and no further wants ascension. he will bite back in anger. in protest. his decision has changed—but i'm afraid there's no way back now.

[pokomumee]

Here’s a PatPran brain vomit no one asked for:

*******

**Pat**

Pat doesn’t think he knows exactly when or how he fell for Pran. Even now, years and years later, he wouldn’t be able to tell you what it was that made him realize that the boy he’d been told to hate all his life is the one for him.

Pa would still make fun of him about how it was her ‘guide-to-know-if-someone-is-into-you-in-4-steps’, which was in fact meant for Ink, that led Pat to realize his feeling for Pran. She even told Pran about it, the little shit. He’d almost kill her, but then Pat really does love his little sister, so. Pran made the most incredulous face and laughed it off, though he would still bring it up sometimes when he wants to drive home the point that Pat is the clueless idiot in their relationship. Which, there’s actually never really any need to drive home that point, Pat already knows, okay?

In his defense, Pran also has not told him in so many words about how and when he fell for Pat either. However, because they have been together for almost a decade now, he has an inkling that Pran realized his feelings for Pat way earlier than him. Like, way, way earlier, maybe even before he was shipped away to boarding school (the dark age of Pat’s life, now that he looks back on it). Pran never confirms nor denies this hypothesis of his, but. Like he said, he has an inkling.

The fact that Pat never noticed anything until that fateful night on the rooftop when Pran asked him if he wants them to be ‘friends’, that single tear rolling down his cheek, the most beautiful thing Pat’d ever seen in his 18 years on the Planet…well, he knows, okay? He’s the clueless idiot, he knows. Every time Pat thinks about how much his cluelessness must have hurt Pran, his heart would clench up with so much guilt he wants to introduce his head to the nearest brick wall, multiple brick walls if they were readily available, one wall would never be enough.

So, yes, Pat tries not to think about when or how Pran fell for him, which might be the reason he finds himself wondering instead about when and how he fell for Pran. He thinks it might also be because their 10-year-anniversary is coming up, although to be completely honest with you, as a couple they still cannot agree on when the start of their relationship actually was. Pran says it should be the day Pat showed up unannounced to surprise him as Riam at the architecture play practice when everything became official. Pat thinks it should actually be when the bet started because, really, who were they even trying to kid? Anyhow, he guesses there’s the first clue as to how he may never find out when the actual moment of his falling for Pran was.

*******

Pat’s life had always revolved around Pran from the very beginning, arguably even before his life started, if their mothers fighting over which of their sons would have the prettier girlfriend while they were still fetuses count. How the sons in question end up with each other instead of a pretty girl is most certainly the Universe’s middle finger to both their families for being so petty, but he digresses. Pat maybe clueless but he is aware that he’d always held a myriad of strong, no, vicious feelings towards the boy next door. Pat has never claimed to be an analytical type (that’s all Pran) and has always gone with his instincts, so obviously, he wouldn’t have any idea if one of those feelings were attraction, infatuation, love or just…some other visceral emotions. There were too many candidates, okay? Go look up the Emotion Wheel, go on, Pat will wait.

For some time, Pat was convinced the moment he fell for Pran was the moment in the music shop after the fiasco that was his and Pa’s attempt at testing out her 4-step-rule on Ink. In hindsight, though, that was possibly just the moment his feelings toward Pran became apparent to himself. And by apparent, Pat means too uncomfortable not to notice. He even thought at first that what he was feeling that day was frustration he felt towards not getting through to Ink. But then he realized that his eyes never really fallowed Ink, and his heart was definitely never with her after they’d reconnected in university. He really did crush on her in high school, sure, he wouldn’t deny that. However, the second time around, Ink was somehow a welcomed distraction from the real sight his eyes were wont to follow, the topic his brain kept switching to, and the person who made his heart feel that little bit off kilter on the daily.

It should have been pretty straight forward what those feelings were if it wasn’t Pran who was at the center of all the muddled pool of events and emotions. Pran who’d always been at the center of most, if not all, of Pat’s life-defining events and the object of Pat’s obsession for the entirety of his life. How was Pat supposed to distinguish attraction from the sea of everything he held inside of himself for that boy. Even Pran’s dimples were confusing to him, for crying out loud. Pran’s door hanger made it a little easier to gauge his mood, but not by much.

Pran was an enigma, the ultimate differential equation Pat had to solve. He just couldn’t figure out for the life of him why. Pat did ask himself whether it’d always been this way even before. And it wasn’t. He can’t say for sure, but for now, at least, he doesn’t think so. He thinks back on it and resolves that it was most likely because before Pran was pulled out of their high school and Pat’s life, Pran’d always been a constant. Pat’d never consider the possibility that Pran would one day disappear in the same vein that he thought Pa would always be in his life. So, in his defense, it’s only logical that Pat’d feel differently about Pran after, even though he did not understand why, alright?

So, yes, Pat doesn’t know and probably will never know for sure so he'd just have to make a decision, and he decides that the moment he fell for Pran was going to be when Pran kicked him in the chest, right over his beating heart. It’s totally and aptly poetic, really. Because that’s when Pran walked back into his life and everything changed.

Like he said, Pat’s well aware he’d always felt strong emotions towards Pran. But that’s just how he was raised, how they were raised. Pat was made to be in tune with Pran, the boy whose bedroom was across from his but he was forbidden to talk to, but then climbed over to sneak inside uninvited more times than he can count anyway. Pran’s every achievements were also the milestones of Pat’s very own life. From the first time his baby self uttered the word ‘Ma’ to that moment Pran was whisked away right before his eyes, in the middle of their song, from their very first stage together. Talk about being dramatic.

His high school years thereafter were not miserable by any means, if he were to be honest. But something fundamentally changed within him when Pran went away. Pat was expectedly and obviously clueless to that change inside of him, it’s the running theme of his life, he supposes. But then everything started to feel dull, like he was looking at the world through a tinted glass; the sceneries became monotonous, boring. He did not realize this until the moment the words came out of his own mouth that night on the rooftop, but yeah, he felt depressingly lonely without Pran. His grades, and even sports performances, started suffering for a while, just because he stopped trying or even caring. It wasn’t fun anymore to excel in everything if Pran wasn’t there for him to compete with. But of course, his Dad wouldn’t let him slack off, so Pat got back on track to becoming the golden boy that he was, but. Nothing was ever the same.

There’d also been this simmering rage inside of him since Pran went away. Pat thought it was normal back then. After all, he was just another hot headed teenager, hormones and all. And he was never violent or anything like that. It was just…he felt on edge all the time. There was always an urge to lash out at something. A little pit of smoldering coal inside his chest, black and ugly, not erupting into flames yet refused to ever be put out. He didn’t know what it was, but looking back he was probably angry at…at what?…his and Pran’s parents? the Universe? for taking Pran away, maybe. Now that Pat thinks about it, though, he was probably mostly angry at himself for not being able to do anything about it. So yeah, he got himself into more and more fights, usually for valid causes, albeit sometimes only vaguely. He’d never actually got himself into serious trouble; he was clueless, not stupid. However, Pat was on a trajectory…and it wasn’t a pleasant one. He isn’t sure where or what he was heading towards, luckily he didn’t have to find out.

Pran walked back into his life, and by walk, Pat means running in with a flying kick to his chest, shocking his heart into beating properly again. The simmering rage gradually dissipated, and Pat stopped feeling like he wanted to punch someone or something for no reason all the time. Except for Wai, yes, but that was totally reasonable.  Even Wai would agree.  Maybe not. But you get the picture

Pat still remembers the moment he got up from the ground, clutching at his chest and saw Pran standing there. Suddenly memories of his life with Pran came pouring back. You know how people who’s gone through near-death experiences say their lives flash before their eyes? It was like that, only Pat felt the opposite of dying. His senses were at once on high alert. Alive. Pran was back. He was here. And no one has ever been able to keep Pat on his toes like Pran did. Ever. So Pat isn’t dramatizing the event of that day or anything. But even if he did, this was the moment he fell for the love of his life, he can be as dramatic as he likes, okay?