#sorry for the vent. today has just been extra bad.

[wildemaven]

he makes life better | joel miller

-> pairing: no outbreak!joel miller x reader

-> word count: 1335

-> content warning: 18+ blog; bad day, annoyed with work, dealing with flat tire, joel being sweet, lots of fluff

-> note: this is for my sweet friend @gnpwdrnwhiskey hoping this brings a smile to her face 💞 this isn’t beta’d either so it’s probably filled with mistakes lol.

masterlist

Joel ❤️: How’s your day going Honey?

I’m so ready for my shift to be over. I’d rather read the dictionary, front to back, than deal with the shit they have me doing today. 

RING

“That bad, huh?” Joel’s voice brings you an instant smile when you answer his call, silently stepping away from the mess that you were dealing with at work. 

“You have no idea. It already feels like it’s been the longest week, today has just added to the shit show life keeps throwin’ at me lately. Went to leave for work this morning and I had a flat tire. Ugh! I’m sorry for complaining.” You vent to him, tucking yourself in a secluded corner. You were going against policy by taking a personal call while on the clock, but you didn’t care about company policy or the outcome of you were to get caught at the moment— Joel was your only focus right now. 

“Hey, none of that. Don’t apologize for being stressed. Why didn’t ya call me ‘bout your tire?” Joel asked. 

You know he would’ve dropped everything the minute did call him, which is also why you didn’t. He had been stressing over starting at a new job site, one of the biggest ones he had been hired for. The last thing you wanted was to add to his already busy day of things he had to deal with. 

“You’d already left for work and had that new job you’ve been talkin’ about. Didn’t wanna bother you with it. I called AAA and had them put the spare on for me so I could drop it off at the tire shop. Now, I’m unexpectedly the owner of 4 new tires.” 

“I don’t care how busy I am— you need something, you call me, no matter what. Got that, Honey?” 

“Got it, Joel. Thank you.” You smile into the phone at his concern for you, always finding ways to make you fall even deeper in love with him. 

“Good. Hey, I gotta go. Tommy looks like he’s about ready to break his back. I should probably go help him before he actually does and my insurance takes a hit. I’ll see ya tonight then, sweetheart?” 

“Yeah. I should be outta here in 3 hours.” The end to your long shift, almost over. 

“That sounds great! I love you, Honey. I’ll see ya later.” You can faintly hear Tommy cursing in the background. 

“Love you too, Joel.” You tell him before the line goes dead. Giving yourself a few minutes of quiet before heading back to join your team and the never ending line of customers. 

The rest of your shift goes by fairly quickly. Joel’s phone call must have been just the moral boost you needed to sprinkle a little bit of extra positivity into your day.

The minute the clock hit 5 pm, you wasted no time clocking out and logging out of your computer for the day. Deliberately bypassing your usual exit path to avoid any chatty coworkers, Joel and home your main focus of the rest of your day, you weren’t going to waste any time stuck in drawn out conversations. 

Your purse thrown over your shoulder, work apron crumpled in one hand and the other holding your empty tumbler that once held the warm delicious coffee you had hoped would sustain you through the day, now wishing it was filled with something a little stronger to help you unwind when you got home. 

It’s a struggle trying to juggle your things as you search for your keys, lost somewhere in the depths of your purse along with the rest of your life's necessities. You pause in the middle of an empty parking space near where your jeep is parked to give the search your full attention. After some thorough digging, you locate your keys and let out an exasperated sigh, one step closer to being home. 

Taking a step forward as you press the unlock button on your key, you look up to see an unexpected sight. A familiar truck in the parking spot next to yours, and the most handsome man leaning on it. He looks like he came straight from the job sight, too. His peppered grey hair disheveled, but his soft curls were still intact even after a long day. The sleeves of your favorite green flannel are rolled up over his flexed forearms that are crossed against his chest, the fabric stretched over his broad shoulders. 

The sight of him is enough to melt away any of the bullshit you had endured over the past week, a completely welcomed surprise. 

“What are you doing here?” You ask him, letting your feet carry you the rest of the way to him. 

“Heard you were havin’ a shitty day. Couldn’t let my lady end it on a bad note.” He croons, pushing himself off the side of his truck, opening his arms to you. 

You melt into him, your face nestled into his shoulder. His rugged scent of musky vanilla and natural pheromones is permanently infused into the fibers of his shirt, it’s your favorite thing ever. His strong arms wrap around you as he presses a soft kiss to your temple, prompting you to straighten up, looking into his amber eyes. 

“Hi, Cowboy.” You beam at him. 

“Hi.” He says, leaning in to gently mold his lips over yours. “I’ve got a surprise for ya, Honey.” 

“This was enough of a surprise for me. What more could I need?” Stealing another kiss from him. 

“If I tell ya, it won’t be a surprise then, will it?” He says, tilting his head slightly as he looks at you. 

“I guess you have a point.” 

“We’ve gotta get going though, it’s time sensitive.” He grabs for your things and walks you around to the passenger door, holding it open as you climb in. “We’ll grab your jeep in the mornin’, if that’s okay with you?” 

“Whatever you say, Cowboy.” He leans back in for another kiss, before making his way around into the driver’s seat. 

*

The drive isn’t long. Down some familiar roads that lead to a dirt one off the main highway. His truck travels down the gravel road lined with a barbed wire fence. After a few minutes he’s pulling off to the side and killing the engine. 

“You brought me to my favorite place.” Looking over to his side of the truck, where he’s already looking in your direction. Your heart grows at how he thought to bring you here, knowing how much joy it brings you every time. 

“Thought you could use it. Look, here they come.” He says pointing to your window. 

Off in the distance, the small herd of cows were in pursuit of their evening meal and water break. Mamas with their little rambunctious calves trailing behind, trekking along the same path they travel each evening. 

It’s a calming sight. Their heads bobbling with each dramatic step. Tails whipping over their rear ends to swat away the annoying flies. A few stopping mid trek to look in your direction, letting out a long drawn out moo. Their friendly hello, it’s good to see you again, then back on the move. 

The sky is painted in pinks and purples as the sun dips below the horizon. Your day feeling less shitty as you sit silently in the cab of Joel’s truck. His hand resting on your thigh while his thumb draws soft circles over thick denim seam. 

“Thank you for this. Didn’t realize how much I needed it. I love you, Joel.” You tell him, rolling your head over the headrest in his direction. 

“I did it because I love you, Honey. And s’what I’m here for.” There’s a low rumble in the air as he turns the key over, shifting the truck into drive. “Now, how ‘bouts we head on home and I spend the rest of the evenin’ show you all the other ways I love you?”

“Take me home, Cowboy.” 

[deansapplepie]

Till THE DEAD do us part | Chapter 1

A/N: This story will take place in all the seasons, but it’s not exactly a rewriting cause I’d have to re-watch everything to use the exactly lines of the characters, also I think it’s better if I tell a side story without changing the main facts of the story. I’m not good with synopses, so sorry about that.

This story has a Female Reader, but I don’t describe her appearance, so anyone can identify with her.

Summary: Y/N Grimes is Rick’s younger sister, when the world ended she had Lori, Carl and Shane. But did she really have them? Her brother was dead, her sister-in-law was sleeping with her brother’s best friend and her nephew was just a small kid. She had him, Daryl Dixon was no knight in a shining armor and she was no damsel in distress, but maybe they were exactly what each other needed.

*gif is not mine, credits on the gif.

Chapter 1: Vulnerable

Summary: Y/N sees something she wasn’t supposed to see, she need to vent about it but she can’t do it with Lori or Shane, because they are the main reason about it. So she goes to the woods hoping to find some peace.

Warnings: mentions of sex, swearing, kinda angsty, a little bit of fluffy, comfort, mentions of death, mentions of violence

Pairing: Daryl Dixon x Grimes!Reader

Word Count: 2,072

Extra notes: I proofread the text, but English is not my first language, so feel free to correct any mistakes, of course with a lot of love.

Chapter 2

It was again one more boiling hot day in the Quarry near Atlanta, you thought the temperature would for sure kill you, but there was another thing threatening to take your life and it wasn’t a Zombie.

Before everything, before the world ended, life wasn’t easy. You wanted it to be, but you were living one of the worst moments of your life. You had just lost your job as a vet because you couldn’t save a rich man’s cat and he demanded that you were fired. You felt bad for the poor cat, for your lost job, for your name as a professional that was now forever marked and also for your dog a female German Shepherd called Luna that had to see you not acting like your usual self.

On top of that your older brother, Rick, got shot working… he was a Sheriff’s Deputy. That’s what made you stop feeling sorry for yourself, because you couldn’t. You needed to see your brother laying on a hospital bed in comma, you had to hold things together and take care of Carl and Lori.

Lori and Carl had you, but you had no one, Carl was just a kid and Lori couldn’t even take care of herself at the moment. There was Shane, he was like a brother to you, but even with him there… it was as if you were alone. You just had Luna.

You went to their house and stayed there, you were going to stay until Rick got better, yes, he was going to get better and you would stay just a little bit more to help during his recovery, and everything was going to be fine again. But it never was. The world ended. The dead were walking as if they were alive and Rick died.

Now you lived in a Quarry with Lori, Carl, Shane and a bunch of other survivors. Most of people were pleasant and easy to live with, the exception was Ed, Carol’s husband and Merle Dixon, Daryl’s brother, but this was the apocalypse and you don’t have much choice on the people that are going to be around you.

It had been almost two months since everything happened and the camp was created, almost two months your brother had died… and today, while you were picking some wood, you saw something that felt as if someone was pulling your guts out of your stomach and squeezing your heart.

Lori and Shane. Not Lori and Shane friendly doing what they usually do, they were in the middle of the forest, fucking, and there was no other word you’d use to describe it other than fucking. There wasn’t even two months Rick died, and his best friend and wife were fucking.

You felt nauseated, you went back the same direction you came and knew you had to do something to calm down. You couldn’t afford causing an scene or any uncomfortable situation, you could not hurt Carl.

“Hey! Aunt Y/N, did you already pick all the woods?” Carl shouted to you from the spot he was, playing with Sophia and Luna, Carol watching them.

“Er… wood wasn’t good that side, I’m going to the other side see if I find anything better.” You gave a lame excuse, you just wanted to be alone, cry all this shit out, in silence cause you didn’t want anyone to know and you didn’t want to attract any walkers near the camp.

“Can you look after them a little more, Carol?” You asked the woman, you were sure she was not going to say no, she loved being with the kids and even with Luna.

“Sure, don’t worry.” She said, you nodded and then walked to the opposite side from where you came the fastest as possible, looking down so others wouldn’t see you had started to cry.

You walked until you found a place far enough so no one would find you, but not so far that you would have any trouble. You had a gun and knife, you knew how to defend yourself, but you couldn’t make it easy to the dead to kill you, you were not that dumb.

You sat behind a tree, brought your knees to your chest and hid your face crying. Your thoughts were racing and all you could think was about what you saw, your brother and how you missed him. You listened to some light leaves hustle, but You didn’t give it importance, thinking it was probably the wind, it was so light that it couldn’t be a walker. So you continued minding your own business crying what you had to cry so you could look at your sister-in-law’s face without letting her know how upset you were.

“Ya shouldn’t be out here vulnerable like that” you jumped startled by the redneck’s voice. ‘So that was him,’ you thought, ‘of course, only he could walk with light steps, he was a hunter after all.’ You wiped your tears, not that it would help they were still falling and there wasn’t anything you could do to stop them.

“I’m not vulnerable, I just needed some time alone.” You answered, he was really trying to not be too rough on you given to your situation, but his lack of tact was something he had much difficulty to overcome.

“Ya could cry in your tent, it’s safer”

“I don’t wanna Carl and Lori to see me cry. I don’t wanna have to explain myself, things would get bad if I had to. I don’t wanna upset Carl.” You sniffed, that was one of the worst parts of crying, getting a damn runny nose.

“Shane can’t help?” He asked, you didn’t know but he probably already had some idea of the reason you were crying.

“He’s part of the problem Dixon, if I could I’d punch him and kick his balls” you answered, tears still running down but a little bit calmer.

“Did ya see him and…” he didn’t finish the question, because you completed it for him.

“Lori? Yeah”

Talking about them made you remember everything you saw and how it hurt you. You were still mourning Rick, and Shane and Lori apparently were already moving on. What hurt the most is that even mad at both of them, you still loved them. Lori was like a big sister, a sister that you wish you had while growing up, and Shane? He was your brother he taught you how to defend yourself, he gave you shooting classes, he brought you home the first time you got drunk and even took care of you while you were hangover. When Rick wasn’t there, he was. At this moment you hated him as much as you loved him.

“Do you know if anyone else know about them?” You asked after a long time, you were so lost that you didn’t even noticed that Daryl walked a bit ahead and stoped with his back turned to you. He wanted to give you privacy to cry, but he also couldn’t leave you behind, it was dangerous to you staying so vulnerable at the forest. He knew you could defend yourself, but you didn’t even listened him approaching, you sure were not going to listen to a walker too.

“I don’t know. Probably not. I’m much into the woods, so I caught them a few times.” He answered at distance, not turning to look back at you. “Do ya like him?” Daryl asked and right after he just regretted having opened his mouth, why would he ask such an intimate thing to you? He should just stay there and make sure you’d go back alive to the camp.

“Ew! No! He’s like a brother to me. We grew up together.” You answered disgusted to the idea of liking Shane any other way. “It’s not that. My brother, he died. Well, you probably know. And I know Lori needs to continue living and they are adults, but there’s not even 2 months and she moved on that fast and Shane… he was his best friend. I’m still mourning him, the world still doesn’t make any sense without him here and they are already fucking. I know I’m being selfish and emotional but…” you spoke so much that you had already lost your line of thought. Daryl was probably tired of you, he wasn’t one to talk much, but here you were opening all your thoughts to him.

“It’s about yer brother. Ya have the right to feel.” He understood, he had never lost his brother and he hoped he’d not lose him anytime soon. Merle was a dick, and he made him mad most of the time, but he was his brother, so he understood you.

You wiped your tears, calmer and ready to continue. You were still mad and sad about everything, but now you didn’t feel like you were going to die anymore, you were not suffocated. You got up, shook the dirt from your pants and approached the archer.

“I was going to take some wood for fire. I don’t want to go back empty handed. Can you help me?” Now you gave a look at him, and noticed he had some rabbits and squirrels hanging from a rope. He was being essential to maintain everyone fed, he was not one to be socializing around the camp, but he was good and you could see it.

He just nodded and started walking by your side collecting the good woods he found along the way. “Thank you.” You said collecting a branch that you saw.

“For what? I didn’t even take the woods to the camp.” Did he not understand or was he faking?

“Not about the woods. Well, that too… but thank you for staying with me and talk to me, you didn’t have to” ‘but you did’, you completed in your thoughts. “Also, thank you for always bringing us food. I don’t know if I ever told you that.” He grunted, sometimes you wish you could know what he was thinking, you never knew if his grunts mean something good or bad.

“No need to thank me” he never knew how to react at moments like that. Should he say thanks back? Should he give another compliment?

Soon you returned to the camp, he helped you put the woods near the makeshift kitchen and was going to clean the rabbits and squirrels so they could be cooked.

“Luna likes you” you said, you saw how your dog acted around him. He was a little surprised with the comment. “You can take her with you when you want, I see that you like her too.” You smiled, a beautiful one just as if you were not broken or had cried your soul an hour ago.

“She likes my food too” he joked, it was not intentional but after what he said he even got a little smile at the corner of his mouth for some seconds. You giggled before answering.

“I know, she makes the cutest puppy eyes. It’s not her fault if you can’t resist her charms.” He snorted and for some seconds, just few seconds, he thought that maybe she wasn’t the only one he couldn’t resist. As he went to clean the hunt, you went to Carol to say you got the wood and offer to take care of the kids while she started to prepare the food.

You couldn’t take that smile from your face and you didn’t were sure why, you ruffled Luna’s fur while you sat close to the kids and released the dog so she could run around a little. You hated having to let her tied, but you were too afraid of what could happen if she went too far. She ran around the camp and soon approached the archer he pet her and she made her happy tail dance to him, he looked in your direction and you smiled watching their interaction. Your day wasn’t lost, there was still good things to be grateful for, even in a world like this.

Final notes: Please tell me your thoughts. There is a long time I don’t write and publish fanfiction in English so I’d be glad to hear from you.

[ch0wen]

Well, since you asked... I'd like to know how are you?? Also... some fluffy sexy time Tangerine x reader after reader had a partcularly bad day? Only if you want!

Hiya! Sorry for the delay but I am doing so so well! I truly appreciate everyone's feedback and interactions with my fics. It just feels so nice logging in every day and seeing that people simply are reading my stories. I also am so happy you reached out with this request. I hope I created something you like 🤗

Tangerine x Reader warnings: 18+ (minors dni) & oral m receiving

“T?”

Your arms are pulling off your coat before the front door could swing fully closed. A pause to check out your features in the hallway mirror, while you hung your snow-spattered coat onto the hook. Your frowning lips form into a pout.

Dark under eyes contrast with your pale skin. The texture of your hands feels dry from the frigid weather, and your bones are achy from overexertion. Also, your hair could do for a brushing. You look exhausted. It doesn’t help that for the past two days you’ve been called in to work on your arranged time off. But how could you say no? Your boss needed the extra help. It also means more money coming in. And you’re a people pleaser. Those are all valid reasons as to why you’ve come home looking like absolute shit today.

“I’m in the den!”

With his name just on the tip of your tongue; Tangerine is calling back from deeper within the apartment. You run your fingers through your hair to subdue some flyaways before following the sound of his voice.

Tangerine glances over the book he’s holding to greet you with a warm smile. It feels as if your body sags heavier with a wave of relief washing through you. He brings you so much comfort without saying a word. Being in his presence is enough to relax a racing mind or post-work funk.

He’s sat in his softest pair of black sweatpants and a simple white T-shirt. Tangerine is known to be a classy man with a great fashion sense. Hell, he dresses up in three-piece pinstripe suits just for his hits with Lemon. Yet you would argue he always has looked his best in his pajamas, or naked. Because it means he’s home with you. With no looming threats, except for the faux argument over who has to wash the dishes after dinner. These are the moments of silence he gets to enjoy when the second he walks out of the building for work the tensions rise. You love that for him. You’re always the happiest knowing he gets times like these for himself, or when he wants to share them with you.

He leans in to close the space between you both to place a couple pecks to your lips. After, you throw yourself onto the couch cushions next to him. Your body squirms to lay on your side with your cheek propped on his lap.

“Tough day then, hm?”

Your groan into his sweatpants is enough of a confirmation for his question. His body rumbles with a chuckle at your antics and you feel a hand squeeze your shoulder.

“Tell me about it, baby. Maybe venting will help?”

“God, no. They’re all insufferable. I don’t want to spoil my mood even more.”

His hand trails up your neck and into your hair. He’s carding his fingers through as he probably goes back to reading his novel. You close your eyes and hum softly in appreciation of this soothing method. His hand smooths over your head. Running his fingers through your hair and squeezing a small fistful to try to be comforting. Which in turn, makes you instinctively whine a bit. He clearly gets entertained by that and repeats the pattern.

“Instead of me talking about my coworkers. I feel like I have a better idea with what I can do to occupy my mouth.”

You move your head slightly to get out of the path of your creeping hand; Gliding past his knee, over this thigh, only to rest to cup his bulge. You mimic his actions by giving him a soft squeeze. The sound of Tangerine abruptly closing his book almost muffled his weak moan. A smile spread across your face while propping yourself up on your elbows to look at him.

“Shouldn’t I be the one helping you relax?”

“This will," you reassure him.

It’s too late for all that back and forth now when his cock is betraying him by standing tall in his sweats. You could almost nestle your face into the tight fabric around his crotch, but you want to make him feel good not torture him with slow foreplay.

You push down his pants and boxers; bunching them up around his thighs. Moving them away from the target just enough for it to have the ability to spring free. You lick your lips before moving ever so slightly to repeat the action on his raging red tip. Little licks - once, twice, three times before you bob your head down teasingly. Moving back up to focus your ministrations on his head again.

Tangerine lulls his head back to the feeling of the sticky heat from your mouth tightly suckling on his swollen tip. Then, without warning, you're taking the entirety of him into your wet mouth. He lets out a grunting shout of pleasure.

It's hot, and he's perfectly happy to let you know how much he appreciates this with his hearty groans. His hand which was resting in your hair tightens into a fist. Not as gentle as before but not demanding either. Right now, he was using his grip to urge you down without pushing you too far past your limits. You found his touch soothing; grounding even. And although the act you're performing is sinful, there is a hint of tranquility in this whole situation.

Your act is bringing him comfort. Warmth spreads in your belly as you're reminded you're currently sharing some of those fleeting, precious moments with him. It's a bit cheesy to be thinking all this sappy shit with his cock in your mouth but it's a physical confirmation he's safe out of harm's way at home with you.

[stardustcatcher]

Pretty Boy

Pairing: Josh Kiszka x Reader

Word Count: 1.8K

Warnings: SMUT (18+ minors DNI), swearing, needy subby-ish josh, dry humping, praise, fluff, josh being a lil sad (bc that indeed needs a warning), biting? like once, a lot of pet names cause i'm a slut for that, uhh i don't think there's anything else but let me know if i missed anything.

AN: babby posts writing?!? it's a christmas miracle! this has been in my drafts for literally ever but i kinda revised it and decided why the fuck not. idk if i'm really happy with it but i wanted to get something posted and i'm deep in josh land so this is what happened. heavily inspired by the need i have for josh to be in my lap. it's not my best and it's short but i hope you all enjoy it anyway :)

this is also my first time writing in second person and it wasn't as hard as i thought so maybe all my fics will be like that from now on, but with my inconsistency, who knows  ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

taglist

You were sitting on the couch, glass of wine in hand reading your favorite book for the umpteenth time when you heard the front door slam. The jingling of keys were heard as they were set on the little hook by the door and you peeked over to where your beautiful lover stood, toeing off his shoes with a heavy sigh. Josh looked absolutely drained, hair disheveled, cheeks flushed, and shoulders tight with an unknown tension. Nevertheless, the sight of him made you smile. He’d been so busy recently, putting the finishing touches on the band’s newest album, and it felt like he hadn’t been home in ages. 

Josh trudged over to where you sat on the couch, his lips pursed in a slight pout as he bent down to kiss your forehead, then your nose, and then planted a chaste peck on your lips. “Hey, mama,” he said with a smile, though it didn’t reach his eyes and it seemed forced. 

“Hi, baby. How was work?” you asked, handing him the glass of wine knowing that he could probably use it. He sighed with a roll of his eyes and took a gulp of the red in the glass. 

“Don’t wanna talk about work,” he shook his head, running a hand down his tired face. You nodded, knowing that wasn’t true. Josh always said he didn’t want to talk about what was bothering him, but in fifteen minutes or less, he’d be venting. 

“Okay, we don’t have to talk. But come sit with me, I miss you,” you shut your book, laying it on the coffee table before patting the space beside you. Josh flopped down on the cushion, sinking into the softness before you cuddled up to his side, head on his chest and arm thrown around his waist. His hand made its way into your hair, smoothing it over and pressing his fingers lightly into your scalp. His lips left a kiss on your temple as you listened to the song of his heartbeat, his body heat warming you up. 

“How was your day? Hope it was better than mine,” he whispered, lips on your forehead. 

“Boring without you,” you answered. “I put those shelves up in the bedroom, did the laundry, and cleaned up the kitchen. Just stuff that needed to get done,” you shrugged and felt his chest rumble with a small laugh. 

“What a pretty little homemaker you are,” he chuckled.

“Shut up,” you laughed along with him, shoving his side playfully. “I’m happy you're home.”

“I’m happy to be home,” he replied with a hum. “Today was just not my day. Sam was extra late today and cranky, we found out that one of the takes for a song we recorded was almost completely unusable, Jake was being an ass, I didn’t get to eat lunch, and just to top it all off, I got a fucking flat tire on the way home,” Josh ranted, face becoming redder with each inconvenience he recalled. 

“I’m sorry, my love,” you pouted at him, genuinely upset that he had such a bad day. Josh was the sweetest, kindest man you’d ever met. He deserved nothing but the most wonderful days. “I can’t do much but would a cuddle help?” you asked hopefully, pushing yourself away from him and opening your arms welcomingly. Josh smiled, the first real one you’d seen, his pearly white perfect teeth on display, looking just a little bit happier at the suggestion. 

“A cuddle always helps,” he grinned. You readjusted yourself in your seat, lifting the blanket up with one hand and patting your lap with the other. 

Josh got up before plopping himself down in your lap, straddling you with a leg on the side of each hip. His head burrowed into your neck as you laid the blanket back over the both of you. Your left hand moved to his curls, raking your fingers through them while your right hand slid under the back of his shirt, nails training up and down his spine. He wrapped himself around you like a koala, inhaling the scent of your shampoo and body wash, taking slow deep breaths and calming himself. 

With his incessant need for constant physical touch, you’d found out early in your relationship that this was the ideal position for Josh to get what he needed to ground himself and calm down. Everyone needed to be held sometimes, and he was no exception. His arm tenderly wrapped around your waist as he gave you a squeeze, his breath warm and soothing against your neck. “Is there anything else on your mind, lover?” you asked, leaning your cheek against his head as you continued to rub his back. 

“Just miss you, I guess,” he mumbled into your skin. “Feels like forever since we’ve been like this. Miss holding you, being held by you. Miss your kisses, touching you, loving on you. Just miss you.”

“I miss you too, Josh,” you sighed, feeling tears well in your eyes at the thought of him feeling so starved for attention and affection and love. “But we’re here now, and you’re off for the next few days, aren’t you?”

He nodded, hair tickling your face. “Yeah, wanna spend them just like this,” he hummed, completely and utterly content. 

After a few moments he lifted his head, moving to rest his forehead against yours. His lips gently pressed into yours  and he melted against you even more, your hands moving to hold his hips. Your lips melded together as he poured all his love into you with a kiss that said I love you, I miss you, I need you. 

Josh deepened the kiss as his mouth parted, a tiny high pitched whine escaping his throat. His hands moved from behind you to tug at the bottom of your shirt. “Want it off,” he muttered against your lips. You smiled before pulling back, tugging your shirt off carelessly and tossing it behind you as he did the same with his own. He groaned at the sight of your naked chest and you could feel him grow hard in his pants from where he sat in your lap. “You’re so beautiful, mama,” Josh whispered before reconnecting your lips, his tongue immediately tangling with yours in a sloppy kiss. You swallowed the wanton moans and sighs that left him, gulping them down greedily as his hips began to move against you on their own accord. “Fuck,” he shuddered when his hips caught a particularly good spot.

“Feel good, sweet boy?” you asked, caressing his cheek with your thumb. His face was flushed and his eyes were clazed over with lust and love and pleasure. “It’s been so long, you must be real pent up, huh?”

“Yeah,” his breath hitched and eyes clenched shut as he ground his covered c ock against your lower stomach. “I had plans, y’know. Soon as I got home, was gonna make you cum on my tongue, then my fingers. Then I was going to fuck you, slow and sweet, just like you deserve.”

“We can still do all that, baby,” you kissed his neck, sucking and biting in all the places you knew drove him crazy. “But you deserve this, and you look so fucking pretty like this, Joshua.”

He keened high in his throat, the noise needy as his hands grappled at your sides, squeezing the soft flesh. “Say that again, please?”

“You like being called pretty, baby?” you whispered into his ear as his head dropped to your shoulder, his hips grinding faster against you now. “You wanna be my pretty good boy?”

“Yes,” he groaned, biting lightly at the junction of your neck and shoulder. “Gonna be so good for you, promise.”

“You already are, baby,” you said, and he was. Josh was the prettiest thing you’d ever seen, all the time. When he was on stage performing for thousands, when he was concentrating with his tongue poking between his lips, when he was sitting as still as he possibly could while getting his rhinestones applied, but he was especially pretty like this when he was sat on your lap, grinding his hips back and forth feverishly chasing that high that was building in the pit of his stomach. You kissed his bare shoulder, loving the feeling of his naked chest pressed against yours, how his hips rutted into you without care, how his neck and chest and ears were all blushed pretty pink. Your hands held his hips firmly, helping guide his movements, to grind him down on you just a little bit harder. “You’re always so good for me, Josh. So good to me. No one has ever loved me like you do, cared for me like you do, fucked me like to do, made me cum like you do. My best boy, the sweetest boy in the world, and you’re all mine. Aren’t you?”

“All yours, all fucking yours,” he gasped and lifted his head and threw it back, an expression of pure bliss etched onto his god-like face. 

“God, I’m the luckiest woman in the world. Do you know how many people would kill to see you like this and I get it all the time, anytime I want,” you mouthed at his collar bones and moved one hand from his hip to cup the bulge in his pants. “You’re so hard, pretty boy. This must hurt. You wanna cum?”

“So bad,” he nodded, his back arching while he ground into the palm of your hand. You could almost feel him throb through his pants. 

“Go ahead, cum for me,” you leaned up to capture his lips once more. “Just like this. I wanna see it.”

“But my pants,” he whined but didn’t stop or slow his movements. 

“I don’t care, and I don’t think you do either. Now c’mon, make a mess, pretty boy.”

A broken moan clawed from the deep within his chest as his hips stuttered against you and a warm wet spot blossomed on the front of his pants, darkening the fabric. “Fuck, fuck, fuck!” he cried before slowing the movement of his hips gradually, riding out his high. 

When it finally died down, he slumped forward and pressed a row of kisses across your shoulder, breaths coming out in heavy pants. “Feel better?” you asked, hand tangling in his hair once more. 

“So much,” he smiled with an airy, fucked out giggle. “Thank you, darling. I needed that so bad, you have no idea.”

“Anything for my pretty boy,” you ran a hand over his warm face before tapping his hip. “Now get up and I’ll run us a bath, then we can order-in dinner. How does that sound?”

“Like heaven.”

=

taglist: @peachpitpearls @alexxavicry @spark-my-nature

[eatabubble]

Helping hand

Vance hopper x reader

Summary: you're a sunshine but on an inconvenient day you were trying to argue back to a cashier pleading he'd let you pay him back later and with no one to help you Vance unexpectedly does.

Sorry I haven't posted in awhile I've just been having a blank mind I legit just started school and I'm already behind so mb

Word count: 1.7k+

Vance couldn't take his eyes off you, not when evertime you entered a room it instantly lit up, and not when you constantly roam around his head especially when he plays pinball and nothings ever on his mind during a game of pin ball because he has to focus while playing but it was impossible, since the day he saw you playing on the pinball machine and as you finished he saw your score sure you didn't beat his but it was actually a really good score according to Vance.

He couldn't get over the fact that you and him were nothing alike though, he just hated that someone like you made someone like him fall for you, you made people happy made them smile you let people vent to you, you listened and talked and understood everybody, you hated drama never caused anything bad in your life you never created the problems you just always tried to fix them but he, he made the problems, created them and sure he didn't mean to half the time but he did, he didn't know how to manage his anger in healthier ways so he just took it out on anyone he was the school bully with minimal friends and bad temper, he had bad grades anf almost everyone hated Vance hopper.

Vance grew up thinking he'd fall for someone like him figuring anyone unlike him to be annoying and overbearing but here he was fantasizing of a world where it was just you, him and possibly a pinball machine preferably the one he always uses.

One time you were at grab n go paying at the counter as Vance entered and overheard that you miscalculated the outcome of the entirety of the things you were buying and left the rest of your money at home and you were having a hard time figuring out what you should leave out to have enough money to pay for your supplies and the cashier that day seemed to be extra pissy the same day and wouldn't give you time to decide, rushing you, making you more stressed by the minute making your cheeks red because you were embarrassed to be in this predicament with a couple of eyes on you but not one person offering to help you. You couldn't decide because all the things were for a kid younger than you who you walked by and had a scraped knee he was also bleeding on the cheek so you were going to buy him bandages, a candy, a soda pop, and ice pack who knew the total was going to be 14.89 and it was the only day that you didn't bring 30 bucks with you because you were just going out for a stroll and hopefully grab a water on your way which now you can't anymore but you didn't mind.

Vance wanted to help you which was weird because he didn't like helping people and because all the 5 dollors he brought with him today were for him to play the pinball machine but he knew he might regret not helping you, this was a chance to get to talk to you but what would people think? That the pinball Vance had a silly little crush on sweetheart y/n or that he's weak for helping someone like her, he was conflicted though the easiest thing to do is walk away he couldn't because it was you.

"Oh come on please just this once I'm just about 2 dollars short, I swear I'll come back later but this kid is really hurt and the sweets would really cheer him up" you offered, you knew he'd say no the same thing he said for the past 2 minutes, the only lucky thing right now was that no one else was trying to buy anything but what does that even do.

"Okay why don't you just leave the sweets and take the essentials and come back for the sweet again?" The cashier said and although this was a logical thing to do you still wouldn't budge "okay yes but listen what if I never see the poor kid again come on you know I'll pay you back" you were desperate now and kind of upset that no one was offering to help you out, you usually don't expect anything back after being nice to someone but a bit of help for yourself now and then would really help especially since you've been nice to everyone in this store well besides a few like Vance because he never let you talk to him but if you could you would.

Vance was getting a bit bored now not at you he could listen to you all day arguing like this but with how everyone was just watching the interaction making it kind of awkward and how the cashier was talking in such a low tone it was boring him. "How much?" You turned to look at Vance giving him a confused expression out of everyone you expected to help you out it wasn't likely to be him "what" the cashier said "how much more does she owe dumb-ass" the cashier looked at Vance like he he was offended with squinted eyes and a pushed back "geez she's like 2 dollars and eighty-nine cents short" Vance stretched his hand out giving the guy 3 dollars and while the cashier was gathering the change you collected your items "thank you so much Vance, really I just really wanted to help the kid and you didnt have to help but you did and I appreciate it I'll pay you back I swear" you let out almost like you were rambling exasperated that you can finally get back to the kid although he might have left already but you could still try. You couldn't contain your gratitude so you let go of the items leaving them on the counter for a bit and grabbed Vance by the arms not tight enough to trap him but loose enough to let him brush you off if he didn't want you touching him but he remained and you embraced him. The cashier gave him his change and you let go Vance was a bit tense while you hugged him, stunned that he even let you do that but he did and he kind of enjoyed the moment as he collected his change he spoke "okay yeah that's fine but you better pay me back those 2 bucks took me a long time to get" he sounded sarcastic but than again you never really know with Vance so you softly laughed not really knowing how to react "yes of course Vance, thanks again I'll come back later"

Vance was happy he could help you but he could feel some people's stares on him however it wasn't as bad he thought it'd be so he shrugged it off going to 'his' pinball machine with what he had left he could play maybe around 2 rounds but we all know he only needs one round to reach his high score and beat it he's just that good.

----

You came by later in the day to the grab n go and as you entered and as the bell on the door rang you turned to the same cashier from earlier who was still working and looked at them straight in the eye "see I told you I'd be back to pay you the remainder of the money, you just don't trust me enough, rude" he just rolled your eyes while you pointed an accusing finger at him "whatever, it's against store policy anyway" he walked away continuing to wipe the counters "yeah, yeah liar" you whispered the last word cause that'd be considered rude and you're anything but, 100%.

Vance was still In the store using up all the time his remaining money could get him to keep playing but as he heard your voice he messed up. He kicked the leg of the machine "shit" he turned around and there you were with a smile and a waving hand, he noticed you changed your outfit from earlier and yeah that might be weird but he observes a lot and because it was you of course he knew what you looked like earlier

"Hey Vance I know you know why I'm here so I'll just give you the money and leave since you seem busy, here you go" you looked down while talking digging into your pocket for the money you owed him but as you stretched your hand out and as he looked down he looked back up at you confusion on his face "no what you owe me like 3 bucks not 3 $2 dollar bills" he took one of the bills but pushed your hand back not taking it who refuses extra money? Someone who likes another is who "Oh yeah no its fine come on Vance I couldn't find my dollar bills or quarters I must've misplaced them but I seem to have loads of $2 bills so yeah I'm a little over what I owe but I don't mind" you were being polite or just bad at math but you were giving him an extra $2 bill because giving him 2 was 4 bucks entirely but giving him 3 of those would be 6 which was more than enough "yeah but your giving me an extra 2 then your other extra dollar" he looked at you like he was waiting for you to realize you miscounted but you just looked at him your soft smile unwavering "uhuh an extra 2 as a reward for being really good at pinball with those scores you deserve something for it I mean in my opinion it's really impressive just 2 weeks ago I've been trying to get better at it but I'm not the best and for you to reach that high I envy you Vance" you nodded as you said uhuh and continued to look at him while talking.

After you said that it was the first time you've ever heard Vance say thank you he even looked a little nervous and proud someone acknowledged his ability at pinball and maybe pinball isn't that big of a deal but it's what he's good at and you were impressed at it, at him.

So much for not wanting to fall for someone like you, because now in this moment he knew he'd never like another soul the same way he likes you.

<3

[whatimdoing-here]

Word vomit shit seizures under cut

Had a seizure last night. It'd been over a year so definitely a reminder of exactly what sucks about having them. Killer headache this morning, body being very very sore. The frustration initially when releasing I have a million thoughts in my head but I can't completely talk or understand for 20-30 min afterwards. The continued frustration afterwards knowing that now I can't drive, at least for awhile, and am now completely dependent on others for that again. The last seven years or so especially, my happy place is going out by myself, and getting coffee. Or going out by myself and going shopping. So now I can't. Not sure if I'll wait The whole six months, but it needs to be some time. And I definitely will not be driving long distances the next six months so there goes driving to Chicago in the late winter/early spring. And Columbia next month.

The anxiety for the next... Months as they're more likely to happen after one happens. The brain fog. Today a new one is I now feel like I'm getting sick because something has been going around the house and seems like not breathing for two minutes exasperated it. Imagine.

There's frustration because I can't pinpoint anything that would have given me warning except right before. Didn't miss meds, not ridiculously stressed out or overtired. Being on my period seems to unfortunately be a trigger.

There's also a new feeling of hopelessness. As I try to decide... If or how or what to do about my marriage as I struggle to figure out my feelings, this is a reminder that he knows what to do, how to stay calm, be there for me. It's also causing him mental harm, seeing me like that. It doesn't feel like I can leave him. It increases my chances of something really bad happening to me. I was on the floor when it happened, but definitely hadn't made my way to laying down because I was convinced I could stop the train that was coming.

The second one that has happened at night, but not when I was sleeping. It's one thing if I'm sleeping already. It's tough to deal with it and then be awake and text people like "lolz sorry I didn't respond I had a seizure". I don't want to hide them from my people. But it's still weird.

Thankfully our plans today got cancelled. I was going to do a lot of housework, but truly feel pretty shitty both mentally and physically. so I'll do some but probably stay in bed or recliner a lot. Emotionally even though I cried some when ya know I couldn't talk last night, I'm feeling pretty emotional again. It just really sucks and I hate it.

But now I'll say I'm thankful that it's not worse. The fact that it's been over a year (since a big one, I'm having multiple partial ones a month) is good. And I really hadn't made any changes to meds before that even, so hopefully things are still under control and it just was a one time for awhile thing. Guess we'll see. Maybe between the computers and reading on my kindle it's been too much screen for me. Or really my water to caffeine ratio wasn't great yesterday.

Truly one of the weirdest effects is that I am super sensitive to cold, touch and taste, for days after. It's like extra cold.

Venting done.

Thankful for this place and my people. And to any of those people reading I hope you know that I don't tell you looking for sympathy, I tell you so you're aware.

[chaoss-incarnate]

hi everyone! i don't think people are really interested but since i started talking about a possible disability, my cane, etc, on here, i thought i might update jsjsj

SO i went to the doctors three (i think?) weeks ago, and he told me that the problems i was having were caused by bad posture and my feet are a weird shape because of me walking weird (i was not aware of this lmaooo). so he said i should start swimming (i was gonna start this week but i got super sick).

the problem. my issues are DEFINETLY not caused by the shape of my feet and poor posture. i mean, i could certainly improve my posture and do more exercise (in fact, i'm working on it, remembering to sit up straight, doing stretching/yoga usually once a day, etc), but like?? theres def an underlying problem that i think is chronic pain and fatigue. like, doing simple tasks around the house leaves me pretty tired (like now for example, i washed the dishes, cleaned the stove and brushed the floor, and my back, arms and knees are KILLING me, and i feel pretty lightheaded). so yeah, i know this is most likely worsened by the fact that im sick and on my period (triple whammy lmao) but its been getting worse for over a month. like, i leave my house and stay out for like 3-4h doing errands and shit and i can barely walk home, having to use my cane AND my mum's support to walk around. it just kills me. plus sometimes my legs get so tired from pain and shit that my knees buckle and they hit the floor, overall making it worse. plus my fucking migraines-

okay, im SO SORRY for ranting about this, its turned into a vent about my pain and honestly you dont have to read it. the thing is that me and my mum were planning to go to the emergency room at some point when possible, but today she told me to call my regular doctor? i haven't done it yet since i want her to explain why to me.

one big problem regarding this is that i downgrade my symptoms to people, i worry about being a nuisance. however, i do this at the doctors too, and thats not good because they wont take me seriously unless i tell them everything (and maybe even exaggerate a little, everyone says to do it). if anyone has any tips for this lmk .

also! i quite like my cane but sometimes i believe that i could use some more support, and i really hurt my arms and shoulders using my cane. i was looking into crutches? im honestly not sure. anyways, if you have an opinion also lmk <3

i apologise for this absolute rant, but i think i needed it, thanks for reading if you've reached here

extra: i was reading about spoon theory and i definetly will be using!

[pose4photoml]

Warning Vent time - Scroll on by if you don’t want to read!!!

Well yesterday at work was interesting… as I mentioned there’s a few extra people this week and one is a new coworker. Morning started with me training her on a software program we use. Next she was to spend the rest of the morning training with another coworker till lunch time.

At lunchtime is when things got interesting… coworker A keep talking about what was to happen after lunch, which technically was supposed to be with that coworker who must not be named (you know the one I’m not a fan of let’s say she J in this example) A keep asking J her opinion on a few things BUT she wouldn’t let her answer and the one time she did she was RUDE in her reply. Then we get back to the office, now remember it’s supposed to be J turn to train BUT once again A keeps going into that room and talking, giving her opinion while implying that what J said is wrong. All of this in front of the new coworker mind you!!

ANY one who knows me, knows i CANNOT stand RUDE people and also by now most of you know i avoid J as if she had the plague if I can ( she can be a tad annoying) BUT I had enough… I asked A to come to my desk and proceeded to tell her that she is being rude and a couple of things she told the new person was actually wrong!!!

I’m proud of myself for not only doing this not in front of the new coworker but also I stood up for J (who tried to hug me later once she found out) I didn’t raise my voice or use harsh words but reminded A that we all are trying to train the new person as we where asked to but that we each have different jobs and different ways of doing things. Not everyone does things the same way and while she has been there the longest it doesn’t mean that we can’t all help out. We are supposed to be a team. A actually said she was sorry and that I was right.

The day just turned weird, I mean i actually stood up for J, so you know it had to be bad…. To be honest I felt like a mom talking to my coworkers 😉

Here’s hoping today goes better!!

[diariesof-kg]

Chapter Two.

2023 August 10.

A lot has happened and I am kind of unsure why things affect me so bad, but that is something I need to work on. I also love the person I am today and refuse to backpedal down to who I use to be. The truth is no one will ever understand a Capricorn and I have heard this from other Capricorns as well. We will always be misunderstood. This is something we are aware of and yet we still complain about it as if the world is going to stop spinning just to understand US, the GOAT. Maybe it's better we understand ourselves and love ourselves and take what we receive as is.

I don't believe we are hard to love, I just think humans refuse to take the extra time to do so, but expect it in return. How I feel right now is quite unethical, if that even makes sense. This white screen I type on can't begin to capture my full emotions within. I think I am tired to be honest. I have been tired since May and all the issues and drama it came with, which flowed into June. The unfortunate thing is I returned to the forefront to avoid 'situations' but in reality wanted to disappear forever. Capricorns, we tend to care too much about people who wouldn't even bring us the moon. I sometimes feel sorry for us, because we don't deserve being treated the way we do. I always state that I wish I was another zodiac sign, because a few are much stronger emotionally, even if the undertone of it is weak.

When I feel like this, I wish my mom was here. I mean real bad. I believe I am filled with a lot of pain and not sure where to go with it. Venting to my friends does nothing anymore and I think I have mentioned that before. Phew...I wish I could really speak on how I feel, but I don't need people to panic. I will type all of this and wake up the next day feeling amazing but that's like putting a bandaid on an unhealed wound that continues to bleed. I think I am tired of just being 'handled' incorrectly. I am kind of tired of expressing my emotions and feelings only for it to seem overdramatic. I know I have an issue with expecting people to think how I think, but not on that level. It's more of if the roles were reversed how would you feel. But even then how can I expect that. I think moving forward in my friendships, family and relationships, I just won't anymore. I won't even be upset about certain things, I just be like "well alright." I understand that's dangerous and it's actually hindering my emotions, but I've been doing this all my life.

Sometimes you have to really sit back and tell yourself, no one gives a damn about your feelings Ke'Anna, because if they did, then A wouldn't have led to C. Today I sat on the floor in silence and gave myself words of affirmation. I thought about what makes me a catch. What makes me desirable. What makes me different from everyone else. To be honest it helped a lot. I had to remind myself of how thoughtful I am when I think of others. My actions create happiness within me that it shows through the person. I am honest and loyal. I put others before me and always think before doing. I am loving and caring with a little razzle dazzle. I validate others feelings without attempting to impose with my thoughts and opinions. I make sure the person is heard and be sure after, to "check in." The list can go on. I sat and thought about all the compliments I had received over time from past folks I had interest in. Sometimes you have to take a second to conquer the subconscious negative thoughts. I mean after all I did have two women fly out here just to see if I was real. Lol,

I think the only person I could say who understood me was the one who didn't want to commit. Lol, how ironic. Maybe because she was young and less tainted by society? But then again my sister is a Libra and even though I be side-eyeing, she definitely does validate and attempts to understand your thoughts. I had to clap for my sister one time, because she was never like that. That's huge growth that I have seen. I be wishing sometimes that I wasn't me. The personality that everyone likes. Sometimes I wish I was less caring and more selfish. And I mean really selfish, whatever that looks like, because I have no idea, Lol. Maybe nonchalant? More so an inconsiderate person? A person that honestly just does whatever and apologizes over and over again, because humans love to scream accountability. But then the world lives in pain, so me being inconsiderate to others would be a fraction of what they already endured. Could anyone imagine me being this person? They would honestly be scared. Lol, my friends would unfriend me. Everyone would be like Ke'Anna isn't KeAnna. It would be real life scary. It wouldn't be considered acting out, it would be more of trying on a new pair of shoes. Maybe if I was more inconsiderate I wouldn't live in this agony pain. How can I even explain what I mean. I mean I'd be a human who is numb and feel less and it would save me from overthinking and sleepless nights.

I should consider this next venture. It would definitely help in so many ways. I feel sorry for those who took advantage of who I was, Lol. Seriously, I be scared of my own self and the abilities I have to turn into someone else. Next everyone going to call me cold, but I was just warm all those times. Who knows, but I do feel a change is coming indefinitely. Once I stop crying, it's the start of something beautiful. Something magical. The only reason I will be crying is because I miss my mother. Everyone else will receive not a drop of tears from me. I shall return to write some more later this month, if time permits. I have so much on my plate and unsure how to handle it, but will attempt to week by week.

[timeoverload]

I am so happy to be home. It was a long day. I didn't have eye cases this morning so it was nice to not have to rush like I normally do. I'm glad that I had time to get a burrito for breakfast because lunch looked terrible and smelled bad. I wasn't going to waste my money on that. I spent my morning doing power equipment and sterrad. I haven't done that in a while so I guess it was nice to mix it up for once. I offered to take a decontam shift because I didn't feel terrible this morning and it has been a while since I did that but they wouldn't let me so I guess that was nice. I think they are afraid I'm going to hurt my back more. I had 17 cases this afternoon but surprisingly I got done right at 5:30 so I was amazed.

I got frustrated with the department director earlier. He was so appreciative of me staying so late last week but now I think he expects me to be able to do that all the time. I had a surgical tech come up to me and asked if I could train her to do my job so she could help me out once she starts taking lates. She can tell that I'm burned out and not a lot of people know how to do that. He told her I can't do that right now even though I'm in charge of that and I know what I'm doing. The director won't let me train any of the late techs right now because it's "too hectic" and he wants to wait for things to slow down. It's always busy. It wouldn't effect anyone in our department at all. I tried to talk to him about stuff earlier but he seemed annoyed and brushed me off. I guess he expects me to just deal with it until then. He still doesn't know how to do my job and neither does the morning team lead so I can't rely on them. They keep saying they will learn but I know they don't want to. They avoid it every time I ask about it. He also wants me to update the eye instrument book since it hasn't been done in years so I don't know when I'm going to find time to do that. That will probably take several hours.

They are making me complete a talent survey so they can identify what my top 5 talents are. I already filled that out when I got hired but they lost the information somehow so now I have to do it again. Last time it took over an hour and I remember it being terrible. I don't know when I'm supposed to do that. I might have to stay late to complete that if I can't find time during the day. I have to get it done by next Thursday. I think HR is just trying to give people more work to do during the busy season while they sit in their offices. No one else in my department has to do it. It's so stupid.

I am also getting so sick of instruments getting lost or broken. A lot of the time it isn't my fault but it falls back on me. Some of the techs have been leaving cannulas and I&A handpieces attached to their disposable tubing and throwing them away. I have had to dig through the trash multiple times to try to find things. Today another connor wand manipulator broke and those are $300 a piece. They are so delicate and if you touch it the wrong way, the tip will snap off. We don't have any extras and they are on back-order and the eye coordinator is upset about it. I understand and I'm upset too. I'm trying to be more careful than I already am.

I requested January 2nd and 3rd off. I don't have anything planned but I just don't want to be there. I'm looking forward to that.

I had to make a doctors appointment for next month because I have to go in for a med check or else they won't refill my lamotrigine. I'm not planning on changing my dosage because it's already pretty high.

I'm also bummed that I won't get to see you until the end of the month but I will be ok. I'm not going to complain about it too much. I just miss you. 💖💖💖

Despite the bad things that happened, it was still a pretty good day. Sorry for complaining so much, I just need to vent sometimes. I was happy to get to leave on time. I was going to stop and get something to eat on my way home but I changed my mind because I was tired and cold. I will probably just have some soup in a little while because I don't think I have anything else to eat right now other than poptarts. I'm tired and I need to go to bed early I think. Hopefully tomorrow is a good day.

I hope everyone else has a good day tomorrow too!! 💖💖💖

[sunflowerinpearls]

I’m gonna get extremely real and be vulnerable for a quick second.

Lily has been a handful since coming through the door yesterday after school. I don’t know what she’s going through because she won’t talk about everything, and I’m not forcing her to do anything. I’m telling myself that “My child is not intending to give ME a hard time; my child is HAVING a hard time!” Yet, here I am being triggered by own daughter’s words, actions, and behaviors because of the abusive environment In which I was forced to grow up in for 18 years.

Lily has told me several times yesterday and today to “Shut the frick up!” and has also demanded several different things. And when Derek came home from work yesterday he also had to have a serious conversation with her on the absolute disrespect she has for me. And it’s only me. It’s not grandma, papa, dad…It’s me. I get that I’m her safe place but I’d also like to not be triggered to the point of having to take extra Xanex. :// And I have to remain calm so I can calm her down.

I’m glad I’m learning how to parent better but it ain’t f***ing easy being a child of nothing but abuse, neglect and abandonment…and turning to the child that’s triggering you by screaming, their words, etc and NOT do what was done to me. It’s as if it’s instant reflex sometimes to do and say exactly what was done and said to me. So I learned that to be a better mother, I just need to walk away. And it’s true!!! It’s not a bad thing to walk away from a person of any age who can’t calm themselves and is in turn, triggering you…so don’t comment and tell me that I shouldn’t be walking away from my 10 year old daughter. You didn’t carry her for 39 weeks, 4 days. You didn’t hold and kiss and hug her first - her Parents did. You are not her parent or any of her care takers’, so either keep scrolling or keep the mouth zipped. 🤫

I am the adult here and it is my job to make my kids feel, number one, SAFE. Number 2 is loved. If you know how I’m raising my child(ren), you’ll understand why safety is my number 1 Priority and I’m not here to explain why right now.

I’m here to vent as a Mother who had to parent their 3 children and screw up a lot before finally getting it corrected. None of us are perfect parents because none of us are perfect people.

Only you know your kids.

And I’m here to keep mine safe, loved, healthy and happy!

When you know better, DO BETTER!

EDIT:

Lily went to grandmas. No hug or kiss for me. She’s holding a grudge. Idk what to tell her. She can’t treat me like that and me want to be around her. We respect each other in our house.

And last night during the family discussion, I had to interrupt Christine and correct her for telling Lily “You can’t treat people like that in their house” and I said “Wait. Im sorry to interrupt you, but I have to. This is her house, too. And yours. And Jacks. And Daddy’s. And theirs (and I pointed at all of the pets). It is everyone’s home and we need to treat each other with respect. Please continue.” And she said “Well you’re right” & did continue lol

[munkthehunk]

.

[souyasbabyy]

• pairing: draken x son!reader, taiju x son!reader, kakucho x son!reader, izana x son!reader

request by @sxgarcude-anon: Hello, love your work! May I request Dad! Taiju, Kakucho, Izana, Draken where they find out their timid/reserved son has been getting treated harshly at school and bullied (EX. Physically, Socially, Verbally). They don't even find out, instead they find out either through their son's friend, the son comes home very injured, or worse the bullying goes to far and they get called from the school saying their son is in the hospital (or just whatever you wanna go with). The crazier part is that the son could actually go off on the bullies if he really wanted, he's a strong kid for his age (with their dads they could be menaces if they really wanted to). But reader is either too nice, it's easier for them to just do nothing (in their words), or/and maybe they just deserve it (or etc whatever reasons you wish). You could add a little extra such as a teacher knowing but saying nothing or etc XD. You don't have to do this is you don't want to.

• genre: fluff, angst

• warning: bullying, violence toward reader

• note: hiiii i'm back lol, i'm sorry i haven't wrote since what felt like an eternity. i've been struggling a lot with many things this days and my mental health is just,,, real bad lmao but yeah i'm back, thank you for your request and sorry it took so much time to come, i really do hope that you'll like it and for anyone that is getting bullied, pls talk to someone close to you or not, you can even call hotlines but pls talk to someone and i've said it before but i'll say it again, if you ever need to vent you can come in my dms, i'll always answer <33 , i know how hard it is but everything gets better with time <3 take care of yourselves, love u all <33

— draken

draken always teached his son that violence wasn't the answer to everything

and he was so happy by how kind and respectful you grew up

but since some weeks his son has been coming back home with bruises and everytime he was asking him where they come from he just shrug

now, draken wasn't worried for you because he knew you could take care of you and even if he teached you that you shouldn't fight all the time you could defend yourself

he was that you were getting into fight because you wanted to

so he called your schooled and your professor told him that he haven't saw anything

yet the day after that the school called him to say you were in the hospiral

he was so mad but he was more worried for you so he just rush to where you were

he saw one of your friend in front of your room and they told him everything, how you were bullied by a group in your class, how your teacher act like he never saw anything, how you refused to defend yourself, thinking you deserved it

draken looked at you, you weren't looking at them and he was so mad at your teacher and whoever sent you there

when he was sure you were okay he drove to your school and he was ready to commit arson, he wanted everyone that bullied fired of the school and when he talked to your teacher he really tried ot keep his calm

he saw he was scared but he didn't care, nobody hurt his son

— taiju

since you were born taiju wasn't the same man

he made it his personal mission to protect him and made him feel safe

he was never refusing anything to you and at some point he even thought you'll grow up to be arrogant but to his surprise you were the kindest soul

today he was in front of your school, waiting for you to go back home when he saw you with a little group of other guys that he assumed was your friends until he saw one pushing you on the ground and the others kicking you

he got out of the car and walked to them, his vein on his forehead showing

he grabbed one by the hoodie and told the other to fuck off which they did once they saw the imposant figure of your father

"you tell your dumb little friends that if they ever touch my son i'll take care of them myself, you heard me?"

the guy he was holding, shakily nod before running away once he let go of him

"you should've told me or do something about it" he tells you once he helped you getting up

you weren't looking at him "i didn't wanted to" you shrug

— kakucho

it wasn't a secret that your father was part of a gang and that it's how you got in a private school

people weren't really talking to you except for your one and only friend

you were eaily picked fun of because your father's money was dirty money and "you didn't deserved to be there"

your friend always defended you as much as they could and you promise you'll never tell a word to your father, scared of what he could say about you for not answering back

but once, the bodyguard he sent heard some kids saying awful things to you and he was obligated to reapeat to kakucho, that's his job

kakucho was so worried for you, he had a talk with you, saying he won't think less of you for not answering thise dumbasses and that he wasn't ashame either

when you told him you thought you deserved it, ngl he almost cried, he felt sad that his son felt like that about himself and he made you sure you knew you deserved the entire world, not to be treated badly

just like draken he would talk to the director of school and even to the parents of the people saying shit about you, telling them that they should feel ashame that their kids was saying such bullshit to someone

— izana

izana accepted that you do a sleepover with your friends

he was coming to ask if you needed something when he heard one of your friend say "and what about that guy that was hitting you the other day?" "yeah, i think he really hate me, today again he was threatening me just bc i looked at him" "you should say it to your dad" "and what he's gonna do? threaten a teen?"

and izana was so mad, he wanted to open the door and know who was the asshole hitting you

he doesn't care if he was a teen, no one touch his family

he waited until one of your friend came down to search for something and he asked them who it was, telling them not to tell you he knew and they told him everything, they were ready to give the adress and everything if it meant you'll be safe

izana then searched info on him and his family and when he got to him he threaten him, saying that if ever hit you, talk to you or look at you he'll know and he won't see the colour of the daylight ever again

after that day everytime he was seeing you in the hallway he was turning back

[ghostlykeyes]

Hellooooo~~~

How’s your day going?? I hope it’s going well!

If it’s okay, for my request, could you write head canons for quanxi and makima in a relationship with someone who has pretty bad social anxiety and how they comfort them? I’m so sorry if this is against the rules in anyway! Just ignore if you don’t feel like/is uncomfortable writing it! Thank you~✨

My day is great so far, thank you anon!! I hope you're havin a lovely day as well!💖

It's not exactly the same, but you might like these shy!reader/Quanxi HCs too since they're pretty similar and I imagine the dynamic to be pretty close! Here are those :)

Quanxi

Cool, confident Quanxi doesn't know what it's like to suffer from social anxiety, but she tries her best to understand for you. Whenever you need to vent, or just get your feelings off your chest, she listens intently. But, the moment you tiptoe into self-deprecating territory, she firmly cuts you off. Complain that you're bad at socializing, or that you feel like people think you're a freak, and she stops you with a touch. "Stop," she says plainly, rubbing a comforting thumb over your cheekbone. "You're perfectly fine the way you are." She won't stand for anyone speaking badly about you, least of all yourself.

Whenever your anxiety spikes, Quanxi grounds you with physical touch. Whenever you're in public, she's got a comforting hand intertwined with yours. In a circle of people, she'll wrap a firm arm around your waist and pull you in to her. She's got your back, and she won't let you forget it. In the midst of your anxiety, Quanxi makes sure you can feel her presence holding you up.

Getting caught up in your anxiety is easy, but Quanxi is the first to remind you of reality and stop your mind from falling into torturous rabbit holes. "Talking to people isn't a test," she points out if you're obsessing over something you said. "There's no right or wrong answers. Just say what you want to, and let that be that."

If there's something you don't want to do, or feel like you can't, Quanxi has no problem cancelling for you. Work party? Quanxi calls for you and says you're sick. Don't want to hang out with someone? Quanxi will come up with an excuse. Her motto is, "If you don't want to, then don't", but she knows it's not always that simple for you. So, she helps wherever she can.

Makima

When she watches your anxiety slowly rise in the minutes before you two head out for a party, or the way you freeze up when someone strikes up a conversation at the grocery store, or how you obsess over the words you said at work today and convince yourself everyone's judging you, Makima wants nothing more than to command you to snap out of it. Nothing would be easier than softly wrapping her arms around your waist and whispering a gentle "relax, my darling", against the smooth skin of your neck. But she knows that if she wants to be your equal, your partner, your lover, she can't use her power to change you, even for the better. Still, she struggles to hold it back when she knows it would be near-instant relief. Makima plasters on a comforting smile when you're anxious, puts a gentle arm around your shoulders, and stubbornly resists the urge to tell you to calm down.

Just because she's determined not to use her powers to manipulate you doesn't mean Makima's above altering the people around you, though. If you've slipped away to the bathroom during a social event, Makima politely "asks" the group you've been talking to to be extra nice and mindful of you. If she ever stops by your work, she whispers to your boss and coworkers to make sure they're accommodating of you, once you're just out of earshot. She instructs her work subordinates to be considerate when you stop by to share lunch in her office. Maybe she can't control you, but she can twist the environment around you, and Makima is more than willing to alter whatever she needs to make you more comfortable.

One perk of Makima's job is that she can make an excuse to leave at the drop of a hat, and she always whisks you away with her. Whenever she senses you're especially anxious and just need an out, Makima glances at her cell phone. "Oh," she says, tucking it back into her pocket and urgently threading her fingers through yours. "My apologies, but work is calling. We'll have to take our leave." (Most of the time, there's no real emergency, but no one needs to know that.)

Whenever you're especially stressed or anxious, Makima's priority is to distract you. She'll point out if someone across the room is wearing your favorite color, or tell you she's thirsty, and maybe you can come with her to find a vending machine nearby? It feels a little silly, this game, but then, Makima's a master of games and she doesn't mind playing this one if it helps put you at ease. She'll do anything for you, and I-spy, in the grand scheme of things, is not a very tall order. (If you call her out on it, she'll just laugh coyly and shake her head, but she actually enjoys I-spy with you quite a lot. It makes keeping watch over everything, as she does, less of a chore. She feels almost normal, scanning for coke labels and fire hydrants when you whisper that you see something red.)

Makima can't imagine anything more relaxing than collapsing into a cuddle pile with her dogs after a long day, so if your anxiety has you all twisted into knots, she pulls you onto the couch and lays your head across your lap. The dogs settle in next to you, all fur and licking tongues and wagging tails, and Makima smoothly brushes her nimble fingers through your hair. She doesn't mind if you chat aimlessly, or stay silent and just bask in the way she's gently petting you, but either way she won't let you get up until the tension has melted out of your shoulders and you feel at ease.

[fwkei]

Time.

Kazutora x fem!reader (angst/fluff)

CW/TW: Mentions of suicide, (slight) mention of starvation.

MAJOR SPOILERS FOR VALHALLA ARC

Note! Explanation of story at end just incase you’re confused also i apologize for mistakes, i did not read this over. 🙆🏻‍♀️

WC: 3.4k

--------------------------------------

You sat at the edge of your seat. Watching the clock above your teacher's head ever so closely. 

“When you want to find the common di-” 

Suddenly the bell rang, interrupting your teacher from his final words. 

“Oh my bad, guess I lost track of time, anyways please remember to study for your quiz on Monday! I know it's a weekend, but save some time for academics!” said your teacher as your classmates packed up their stuff to leave. 

Today was Friday, meaning it was the day you get to visit Kazutora at juvie for the first time after Keisuke's death, and your attempt. It was 3:30, and visiting hours started at 4 to 5 every Friday for inmates. Running to the metro takes about 5-7 minutes, and walking from the station to the actual juvie takes about 20 minutes, while the ride lasts up to 10, meaning you should arrive there at around 4:10. And there's no time to waste. 

You ran out of class, ignoring your fellow classmates goodbyes. You held your book bag tight as you ran fast to the Tokyo station. Seeing you arrived just on time you jumped in just before the 3:30 o'clock train leaves to a different side of the district where Kazutora is being held. You held onto the rail beside you to keep yourself steady as the train started to move . 

You felt scared but happy to see Kazutora. He most probably didn't know you would be coming, he probably thought you would at most write letters to him, like before, but again...Kazutora believes that you hate him now. You didn't know what you were going to say to him. Draken told you that he already visited him while you were in psychiatric hold for a bit, and he told you that Kazutora was planning on killing himself. Draken did not specify if he told Kazutora about your own attempt but you didn't worry too much because you were healing, and you now had hope.  

Your heart was racing, as the train came to a stop. As the doors opened you ran, and fast. Dodging people to not hurt them and almost stepping on things you shouldn’t be stepping on. You checked the time to see it was 4:01, and you still had about 10 minutes worth of walking/running to cover. 

You were breathing heavily when the Juvenile building came into view. You checked the time again to see it was 4:11. You jogged to the doors of the building despite the fact that your thighs were burning from the amount of cardio you had just done. 

It's all worth it. 

You thought to yourself opening the doors. 

Kazutora sat on the bed of his bland and colorless cell. He signed as he looked up at the ceiling light before turning his position to look at the side of the wall. He held his pillow tight. He knew it was visiting day, and his heart was anxious despite the fact that others had already been called to see their visitors, and there was still no call for him. He didn't even expect any visitors.

Kazutora didn't know if he wanted to see you or not. He’s spent so much time alone in his cell thinking. He wondered if you had figured out the other reason for him stabbing his best friend, you could read people, but he knew you had a hard time reading him. He felt his heart ache. He was scared of the karma that would hit him because of it. Maybe not even Karma, but just some sort of punishment, for causing pain to the soul that cared for him so much, and for not being there for that soul when she needed it the most. Which... ultimately lead to your attempt, which Draken told him about during his visit. He shut his eyes as he remembered Draken's words. 

“I don’t wanna hear you say there is no point anymore. Because there is, and it’s kinda frustrating and irritating how you can’t see it even though it’s right there. She’s in psychiatric hold right now because she was close to ending her own life. After Baji died, and you were taken away, Y/n couldn't take it anymore, and no one could see it because she just...she just kept it in, like you do. She was going to die on Baji’s birthday if I wasn’t there to make her throw up the pills she took. Her and I may not be blood related siblings, but I know she’s been through a lot and has always gotten over it just fine, you know that...but this time...I got really fucking scared.”

Kazutora felt his heart drop to fucking hell at Draken’s words. He felt his breathing stop as his mouth parted.

“I know you love her, I'm not sure in what way but I could care less about that. I know, Kazutora. All those times you came crying to the brothel, crying into her arms, begging for some type of help and she helped you, lended you her body for you to cry on, I’d hear all of it. I know you’re hurting, but if you go, I don't think she will be able to live with herself. She’ll blame herself for not being there for you like she’s always been. Do you understand?”

He felt his body throb from literal physical pain. Kazutora was feeling and getting the punishment he deserved right then and there. 

“You owe it to her, whether you like it or not, to stay alive because she's doing the same for you. And once you’re out of here, you should finally grow up. Let her cry into your arms for once. She’s your best friend, right? Because she deserves for those efforts to be reciprocated. And you deserve to see what she’s gone through because of everything that happened. Take care, Kazutora.” 

Kazutora was lost in his own mind, to the point where he couldn't even register that one of the guards was calling his name from the cell door.

“Hm? I’m sorry I wasn't...uh, paying attention. What did you say?” he asked sitting up nervously 

“You got a visitor, kid. C’mon get up.” said the man unlocking his cell 

“A- visitor?” he said quietly getting up from his bed with shocked eyes 

It was already 4:15. Kazutora grew anxious at who his visitor could be. He was sure it wasn't you, your school is too far for you to make it here in time. There would only be a couple minutes to spare if you did try. Could it be Draken wanting to give him a word of advice? Or maybe Chifuyu.. Maybe Mikey? God, who could it be. It made him feel even more congested and trapped than before.  

As Kazutora walked, he looked down at his feet avoiding people's gazes. He saw the backs of his fellow juvenile delinquents from the side of his eye. His heartbeat became stronger, and he felt it thumbing in his ears. God, he didn't know what to expect. He was just so...frustrated. 

“Here, you have until 5.” said the guard, taking off his hand cuffs. His back was facing you. You grew anxious bringing your hands to rest on your things and skirt, waiting for him to turn around and look at you. You watched as he rubbed his wrists and sat down at the stool still not looking at you. You rubbed your hands together under the table separating you both, as the guard walked away to patrol. Your eyes followed the guard, not even noticing that Kazutora had turned to look at your face. 

Kazutora felt his face get hot at the sight of you. You had a school shirt on, with a dark blue tie and a sweater vest, Your hair tied into a low and messy bun with some of you natural and dyed hairs falling out framing your face. He felt his whole body go warm as you turned your head and gave him a nervous smile as a small blush formed. He didn't know why he was scared to see you, because every time Kazutora had the chance to see you, he instantly felt better, no matter what.

You two, and the other inmates and visitors, were all separated by a piece of plastic with a vent to capture sound better. On the side there was a subsection with an opening to the other side where you could pass things through. Such as notes, toys, hygiene stuff, and extra. You brought your hands to the table holding them.

“Hey...sorry I’m late.” you said as you saw Kazutora snap out of his gaze 

“Oh no I-, please don’t be..” he said waving his hands frantically, clearly nervous

“I had to run about 2 miles to get here..” you laughed trying to not tense up

Kazutora felt… stupid, why would you do that? Just to see him? It just made him even more confused...confused about how he felt towards you. 

“Just to see me? But..why?” he asked without thinking and just speaking, giving a regretful and embarrassed face after asking his question.

“Hm? Oh well it's simple really…” you said bringing your hands to rest in between your thighs on your seat 

“I know that I've told you that I don't like saying these words to people because it sounds like some sort of goodbye but it’s time I grow up from my past, and stop keeping things in..so…it’s because I love you... I thought that was fairly obvious but I don't wanna mess up like I did last time. I want you to know that I do love you and care for you.” you said giving him a closed eyed smile, this made Kazutora realize that you deeply regretted not telling Keisuke that you loved him more often when you two still had time. He felt his heart ache. He felt so guilty and gross.

“So, I’m gonna try and start saying that more often..” you said laughing to break the silence 

Kazutora was still speechless at what you had just said. He couldn’t seem to process it, and he wanted to say it back but for some reason he just couldn’t. He was afraid that something else might slip out. He truly didn't think he was worthy of your love and care. It became quiet. Again.

“I made you a bento box with your favorite things, I made sure to put some extra meat. Cause you always used to ask for that when I would make bentos for study days with you and Keisuke. And don’t worry! It’s allowed and you can have the kitchen hold it for you till you’re ready to eat it for today's dinner, the guards said so. And the container is microwave safe! So you can warm up the entree section. There’s rice and BBQ meat, little octopus shaped sausages and sauce with it! Oh and a salad with sesame dressing on the side, and desert which is just mochi. Every Friday I'll come by, and give you the new bento and you'll just give me back the old one, so that I can wash it and so we don't have to waste stuff.” you said smiling 

Your hand dung into your bag, and you pulled out a wooden bento box sliding it halfway through the subsection, but Kazutora hung his head low. You smiled, trying your best to make things right, as silence grew loud again. 

“I can also bring some mangas for you, I know you like shounen and also horror.. So I can buy some and give them to you so that you aren't bored! This week's shonen jump is good… It’s about a boy who is trying to save his mom, and ends up traveling across lands, with close friends, to get this special potion that will heal her, but I’ll make sure to look for some good horror manga too...I know you like stuff about folk tales, that sound okay?”  

Silence.

After a few minutes you spoke again.

“I decided to let my hair grow out cause I kinda miss having longer hair…There's this really pretty girl in my class who has long blonde hair.. Like Emma’s but longer and more wavy.. What about you? Anything you wanna do to your hair when you get out? I’ll take you to get it done-” 

Silence. 

The time now at 4:40. Kazutora bit his lip out of frustration, refusing to look up at you. 

“Oh! What about I bring over a sudoku book, so you can work on your academics as well! I can teach you how to play, it’s fun once you get the hang of it. Or I can bring just a simple literature book, it’s really up to you, I think both are great.” 

Silence. 

“Maybe markers so you can draw on yourself when you’re bored? I remember you doing that while I would tutor you and Keisuke. I can get big and small ones, and ones with different colors too. Also a sketch book, since you’re really good at drawing.” 

You were met with silence again. You felt your heart ache. Your eyes looked up at the clock and saw it was 4:47. You both were running out of time. About half an hour went by of your speaking, you giving a couple minutes in between waiting for him to speak back, but nothing. You clenched your hands into fists, biting your bottom lip as you looked down at your hands, resting on your thighs. 

You felt a strong feeling in your throat, the feeling you get when you’re about to sob. You were so frustrated, and you were trying to keep a level head. It was hard and you just wanted to fucking cry. 

“I- '' you said before closing your mouth realizing you were about to let out a whine. You didn't wanna cry, you wanted to say something but you were afraid that if you did, it would just come out as a sob.  

“I know it’s hard on you-” you said holding back your sobs while still looking down at your hands, letting your hairs cover your face 

“If you don’t want me here, I promise- that I’m fine with that...but~” you said in between pauses keeping your sobs in, but your last word came out shaky making Kazutora shoot his head to see you about to cry. 

He felt his heart ache once again. 

 “But please….jus-just say something. Anything. At least acknowledge that I'm here.” you cried quietly while tensing up your shoulders 

Kazutora frowned. This was his punishment. Seeing you cry, and not being able to hold and comfort you like he desperately wanted to. He opened his mouth, but closed it soon after when nothing came out. Not even a squeak, or whine, or breath. 

“I-”

You heard him say. You looked up with tears in your eyes seeing his face of desperation. 

Kazutora wanted to speak so badly, there were so many thoughts in his head he just could not push one out of his mouth, and he was afraid he might say something he would regret. He wanted to respond to everything you asked him, add commentary, tell you that you looked pretty today, say thank you for the food you made him. Tell you to not waste your tears on someone like him. Say sorry for making you feel uncomfortable because of his silence. God he just- 

“I love you-” he choked up and said in a louder tone causing your eyes to widen and mouth to part from shock at his sudden outburst.

He was avoiding your eyes as he spoke. 

“I- thank you, thank you so much for the food! Really! And I would really love whatever and everything you bring me.” he said, quieting down towards the end.  

“I...can’t put my thoughts into words… and I don’t wanna say something I’d regret. All this time I’ve just been lost in my own mind. I just want you to know that..that I really am in- that I really appreciate you. I want you..to be here, and I’m so...sorry for making you cry.” he said in between pauses of frustration and embarrassment 

You felt your body get warm, your heart beat was strong and you could feel it in your finger tips and temples. You opened your mouth to say something before Kazutora spoke again. 

“I..wanted to.. Wanted to help you...in just some way...after seeing you cry for the first time...with Baji in your arms….I shouldn't have stabbed Baji...I took the person you loved more than anything...away from you.. Because I was j- because I was so stupid, and still am. Even when you’ve done...so fucking much for me...I- and I took him from you...I just don’t get it… how can you have any empathy towards me anymore.. It doesn't make sense. I took so much from you… I killed Shinchiro, and I killed Baji. You loved them both...Mikey loved them both, why do..why do you even have any feeling towards me?” he said looking into your eyes with tears   

Your eyes softened at him. You took a small breath before saying-

“I thought I already told you why, Kazutora. I love you.” 

Kazutora felt a tear run down his cheek. He knew how much thought came behind those simple words. 

“I don’t need a reason to love you. Just like I don't need a reason to be hungry. It’s just there, and will continue to be there, you know what I mean? Same thing with everyone I love.” you said 

His breath hitched. The time now at 4:52.

“The only difference is I was in love with Keisuke. I still am in love with him. Even though he’s not here anymore. I know you might think I love him and Shinchiro and Mikey because they saved my life and helped me. But I was only so little. I had no concept of it. So was Keisuke. So was Mikey. Keisuke had no reason to come up to little me while I was starving on the ground practically dying. He just did it. He was too young to understand love. You think he understood his feelings for me the second he saw me? Or even with Mikey or Shinchiro. Of course not. They were just focussed on saving my life at the time. We discovered the love that was involved later. Even if it was too late to say anything about it. It took Kei and I about...hmmm..5-7 years maybe...to understand what we felt toward each other specifically. It is different with everyone. The love is just there, it’ll just be understood when the time is right. Like when your hunger just hits you. So when you ask me why I love you, or care for you, or forgive you. I just can’t give you a simple answer, even if I wanted to….because there's so much. Too much.” 

Kazutora understood your words. He really did. It made so much sense to him and he just wanted to scream.

Why? Well.. 

“The time will come where you believe that you're worthy of someone else's love and even your own, and even worth loving someone else yourself. So don’t worry. I’ll wait. I’ll wait as long as it takes. Even if it takes all the time in the world, okay?” you said smiling at him leaving him with shocked eyes

“Alright times up! 5 o'clock!” yelled a guard 

“Well, I'll see you next Friday, okay? I’ll bring over some manga, oh! And don't forget the bento!” you said getting up from your seat as Kazutora did the same keeping his hands on the table as the guard came to cuff them 

“Y/n I-I’m…”

No. He can’t say it. He can never ever say it. Why? And say what? 

Because he will never be him. He can never be like him for you, and he was perfect for you. He was the one there for you. He had the time to love you. He was the one. He could never even compete. Not after what he did. Not after the jealousy and envy grew and brewed inside him towards him. He is filthy. Not worthy of your love. Right? 

But someday, he desperately and genuinely wants to allow himself to be loved, and to love. Kazutora will forever be longing for that moment. And when he can love, and allow himself to be loved, he wants it to be with you. 

But till that time comes..

“I’ll...really be looking forward to it.” he said biting back his words and smiling softly 

“Likewise.” you said smiling as you both parted your ways, at least for the time being. 

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Explanation/note: when i wrote this, i made y/n be a ‘foster’ siblings with Draken and childhood friends with Mikey and Keisuke. << Reason being is because i gave her a backstory where she was neglected and ran away, hence her having a more naturing personality. Y/n and Keisuke were a couple till he died but Kazutora always loved Y/n so it’s a love triangle in a way? I don’t know, but Kazutora grew envious of Keisuke in this ff which ended up being a motive to stabbing him during the fight, to which he later regrets and gets punishment for. Y/n in the story doesn’t know that so that’s why Kazutora can’t accept her love for real because he doesn't know if Y/n will really forgive him after that, and Kazutora won’t be able to learn/accept love till he admits what he did. Holding in that secret, and being in love with Y/n makes him feel frustrated and act out. And obviously time is the theme of this whole story. Kazutora at the end decided to avoid his feelings because the way things are going right now fro the time being for him are fine because he doesn't believe he deserves anything more.  But that can only last for so long, so he’s gambling with his relationship with you. He thinks of it as his punishment for now, not being able to tell you how he really feels, and not being able to comfort you.

ANYWAYS hope you liked it, sorry if it’s confusing. 

[thotsforvillainrights]

Hey, its me again, sorry i promise i wont spam, but may i also request some toya setsuno fluff (or smut, however you want🥰)

(also, i forgot this, but heres a obligatory teddy for the best villians blog out there🧸🎀❤️)

(Technically it’s not spam if it’s been sitting in the box for a while right??????XD Anywho, I hope it’s okay if I just take the fluff route for this one!)

(Also thank you for the bear because I needed it lol)

~Being an Adult is Hard~

headcanon|scenario|imagine|match-up

“Heeeeeey yoooouuuu...” Toya’s voice softly called as he entered the back room where you were. You sighed and turned your attention away from the work at the computer. “This can only mean bad news. You only drag it out like that when it’s bad news so please don’t beat around the bush.” You chuckled lightly. He nodded and sighed with an apologetic smile as he went to sit on the carpet in next to your chair. He leaned his head onto your lap for comfort. “That house we were trying to out an offer on ended up selling unfortunately.” You sighed and placed your head into your hands. “This is like the 3rd time this month. It’s like we’re running out of options and the prices keep steadily rising more and more. On top of that, we’re going to have to get a second car soon because with my new job, our schedules aren’t linking up. Unless of course you’ll finally let me ride the train or at least the bu-”

“Shhhhhhh, absolutely not. Never. You deserve better than that.” He moved to look up at you with a pout. “There’s nothing wrong with public transportation. You’re not less of a person just because you don’t drive a car.” You corrected him but he shook his head. “Yes of course, but lots of dangerous stuff could happen and I wouldn’t be around to protect you like I want to.” You rolled your eyes and leaned back into the plush chair to think for a moment. “Why does being an adult with all these responsibilities feel like a constant vice grip all the time? I mean, it’s so exhausting. It feels like it costs money just to survive and we’re not allowed to complain and count our blessings at the same time. Prices on stuff keep going up and pay at jobs has been at a stand still for years. They’re literally charging out of the ass for houses that aren’t even in the best neighborhoods. By the time we’ll have saved more money for better homes, those houses will have then upped their prices even higher. It feels like an endless struggle. At this point Toya, I just want to be a kid again. Why can’t I just eat cookies and watch cartoons without a care in the world?” You vented to him and he listened, taking it all in with a caring ear as he always did. “Who says we can’t do that?” He replied curiously. You looked down at him and smiled softly before leaning down to lay a soft kiss on his lips. 

“I gotta go get ready for work in the morning. Since you’re off tomorrow, please try to handle the house search and the business stuff for me. I’m gonna go shower.” You pressed another soft kiss to him before getting up and heading into the bathroom. He sat on the carpet for a good while and lets your words marinate before he had a ‘lightbulb’ moment. 

The next morning while you were getting ready, he was plotting and planning things out in his head all while remaining composed and caring as usual. He kissed you a little more deeply before you left to work and began handling the business he was mentally prepping for. While he was doing his own thing, you were watching the time drag on at work. The shift today seemed never ending. Not to mention the boss was in a poor mood and taking it out on the workers...what little workers that came that is. You were short staffed with too many call-outs and that left pressure for those of you that showed up for the day. You even ended up having to stay at work for an extra 30 minutes. The drive home was so depressing and exhausting that you drove without music the whole way there. The only thing on your mind was Setsuno. He always knew how to make your days a little brighter when they were oh so bleak before. Tonight was no different. The moment you stepped through the door, your nose was assaulted by the smell of fresh baked cooking. You turned your head to see him setting up the living room table with snacks, drinks, and a lit candle of your favorite scent. Your eyes darted to the TV screen as you noticed your childhood favorite cartoon streaming. He looked up and smiled at you when he noticed you were home. “Welcome back Y/N.”

“What is all of this?” You laughed lightly as he approached you in his PJ’s. “I thought about what you said last night. Sometimes I think it’s okay to forget about being adults for a while yknow? We’ve both been doing so much with planning on moving out of the apartment, paying bills, getting another car and whatnot. This time is so valuable too. Come sit on the couch and get sick on cookies with me. Maybe we can both call out tomorrow huh?” He jokes as he led you to the couch and cuddled up next to you underneath your favorite throw blanket. The little moments like these meant the world to you. Seeing you relax a bit meant the world to him.