#sorry i made this way more complicated than it needs to be xD

[princess-of-the-corner]

Last one but had to share sorry XD

Kagami led Chloe onto the roof of the theater, manga made it seem like a good spot for private, but dramatic conversations & she expected this to be one such example.

Kagami knew that pulling Chloe out of the film premiere before she could blow up at Zoe or Andre had been the right decision but it also meant that she was to be on on the receiving end of Chloe's bubbling anger.

The blonde ripped her hand away as they came to a stop on the gravel.

"What exactly did you think you were doing practically man-handling me out of there before I could say so much as two words?"

Hands on her hip she leaned forward until she was very, very close.

"What do you think I am, some rabid dog, you need to keep on a fucking leash!?"

Kagami filed that mental image away for later and answered.

"It seemed like you were angry, I wanted to know why before anything came of it, talking it out ahead of time may help your point too."

Still not used to blunt assessment and sincerity that wasn't tied up in contempt, Chloe stopped short, the anger pulling back before she huffed, "& what business is it of yours?"

'Ah, this again,' she realized.

Kagami didn't get people very quickly its why first meetings were often so awkward, but she did analyze them and once she knew them well she often deduced their thinking faster than they often could.

& Chloe, well, Chloe was deep, much more so than people realized. But she was not especially complicated when it came to what drove her, only the elaborate ways it manifested.

In this case, setting Kagami up to say something sincere so she could reject it and downplay any connection between them. Maybe even trying to incite a conflict to escape the feeling of being so exposed and perhaps even drive her off forever so it was Chloe dumping her and not Kagami abandoning her.

Chloe was tapping her foot, "Well!?" She snapped, voice becoming shrill with tension, but her expression & ever manner radiated nervous.

Luckily, Kagami knew just what to do. So she tilted her head, eyes half closing as she answered:

"You had your tongue down my throat less than two hours ago; I think that warrants me taking an interest in your personal life."

gay as hell

[soft--dogs]

Ever wanted to be a marketable 90s fad that was doomed to fail? Well now your dreams can come true! For just $30 a character I will draw your fursona or character as a floppy beanie plushie :3 DM me if you're interested in grabbing a slot! I'll send you a quick form to fill out ^w^ Commission rules: - This is for art only! NO physical beanies are being made. - This is not a YCH! Poses may be similar but each one will be unique. - Character designs will be simplified!! - I’ll make it as accurate to your character as I can, but keep in mind these are supposed to be a little silly and wonky. - MUST have ref sheet or image I can work from. - No clothing, naked beanies only. - Accessories (glasses, piercings, etc) CAN be added but please specify! Otherwise they will be NUDE. - Small items/ props can be added for an additional charge! - If there is a certain style of beanie not listed here you want me to draw, feel free to ask if I can do it! I only drew a few examples, but there’s more out there. -  A lot of this is customizable, so if you want different tag color, no tag at all, whiskers/no whiskers, a different species on a certain beanie style, etc, I’m open to ideas!  - Payments through Paypal invoice only. - Turnaround time for these will vary. I’ll be working on them in between my regular commissions. Feel free to edit your commission and use as memes, icons, stickers or whatever! As long as you’re not selling it, you’re good x) Update: I had increase the price on these, they're taking me a lot longer to finish than I expected! I'm averaging about 4-5 hours to complete each beanie. Also I've had a pretty big demand for these, so my queue has gotten pretty long! Expect completion times for new slots to be about 2 months.

[factual-fantasy]

29 asksss

Yes

@britneyt

Aw! Thank you! :DD

@gilbertsphotography

The elven style ears are meant to make them look less human and to match the Wario bros. :0 My AU's Peach and Daisy are these tall elf like creatures, not humans. They are the same species as the Wario bros.

Jangles would prepare himself for this brutal duel in "put em up" type battle stance. Ready to give this fight his all.

Only to be squashed by Jangle. Alas, he is made of plastic <XDD

@pinkpenguin88888

XDD Thought that was a bunny at first-

:DD Thank you! But hey, nothing's stopping you from book marking the post or saving the link to it somewhere :0

@whereismycupofcoffee

Honestly I have no hope. I'm thinking its gonna bomb like the Ruin DLC did, lore wise. Calling it now there's gonna be a character named VANESSA and her nickname is VANNY even though this movie is about the first game and has NOTHING TO DO WITH VANESSA. There's gonna be a kid named Cassidy, another kid named Gregory, circus baby is gonna come out of nowhere, there's gonna be a nightmare animatronic reference, one kid is gonna look like the crying child for no reason, Springtrap is gonna talk a lot and take away the horror- its gonna be a mess. The lore will be a terrible. mess.

Horror wise it might be awesome but I am NOT looking forward to all the crap they're gonna mix in with the lore. Its soooo simple, just make a spooky movie that captures the terror that the first game created. Recreate the mystery and horror. Bonnie disappearing, Foxy running down the hall. Freddy's music. Maybe Golden Freddy?? Hints of a darker past with dead kids. It would be awesome. They don't gotta complicate the lore by adding all the other games into it but I know they will-

@palettepainter :DD Thank you!!

@randox-talore Nope! The flowers don't make them bigger. They just give the bros ice/fire powers :}

@devastatorst

Pretty much XDD

@andysalleyway

:DDD Thank you so much!! Honestly I'm surprised by the number of my followers that are into the same fandoms I'm into. Sounds like I've found my people! XDD

Thanks, I'm hoping it finally gets through to people and they'll just leave me alone..

It is! But ya gotta DM me for it so I can sus out your blog :x

I need to have some idea of who I'm letting in-

:DD Thank you so much! Also sorry, I don't take requests :/

@montygatorshusband

THANK YOU! I don't support any ships from any fandoms, I just personally don't like them. So having people harp on me and my AU because a "canon ship" isn't in it was really annoying.. 😓

Glamrock Bonnie and Foxy would be thinking "Wow, they look different/great! :00"

Glamrock Freddy and Chica are like "WHY IS BONNIE SO LARGE"

Oooo that would be cool! All my versions of Bonnie are slow, so having him throw things at Gregory would be terrifying-

@ocinstituterep

The reason why I haven't drawn any classic mermaids like that is because it felt kind'a weird to add a half human creature into the Octonauts universe. Considering humans don't exist in it.. Now that post with the mermaid thing actually has the creature looking humanoid for sure. Because it would look more alien if it was human. But I kept the scales because a straight up half human mermaid would just feel out of place-

@mashmellowy

Firealpaca! :}}

@oddesto

XD Thank you!! Also my WHOLE BLOG?? Dang. I apologize for all the Gravity falls cringe you had to see-

XD Factual Fanta, that's great 🤣🤣

@citrusfruitman

I think those people are just salty because they wanna draw my stuff but I wont let them. My true fans will have basic human respect and just not draw fanart without sending me hate and rude comments.

@danman22ful

Monty is much more mellow and kind in the Partial swap. Although he still can be a bit of a grump sometimes. The way Bonnie is treating everyone (mostly Foxy) really angers/upsets him.

Roxy hasn't changed a whole lot tbh. Full of grief and self loathing. Except I don't think she'd have this "I'm better than you" attitude. Her thinking that Freddy's death was her fault would crush her. Just like Monty was crushed in the OG au.

:DDD Thank you!! Also really? :00 Wow, great minds do think alike! XD

Aw, I'm sorry that you relate to Bonnie's struggles, <:(

I was thinking he would do 1 of 2 things.

Either this bombshell that his late friends of 10 years are alive, would be so emotionally overwhelming that he would completely shut down. Literally. They would break into his room and Bonnie is collapsed on the floor. And cannot be reactivated. And when he does eventually reactivate, he absolutely refuses to acknowledge or speak to anyone in anyway..

OR, hearing that Chica and Freddy are alive, would completely drown out any other feeling. They're alive, he would rush out of his room to go see them. All of his stress, all of his anger would be swept away in favor of his anxiousness to see his friends again. And finally, he would talk to people again somewhat. Every day would get easier knowing that once its over he can go see Freddy and Chica again.

I haven't decided which one is better <XD

@burningmusicfunnygiant (Post in question)

Oh a whole mix of emotions. Mostly joy and sadness though.. Joy to see them alive after all these years. But sadness too see the horrible states they're in.. Mostly Freddy's state-

<XD Don't worry I wont. I know some of the angsty bits of Bluey but not enough to draw stuff and traumatize you all-

You are spared this time! XDD

[insertsomthinawesome]

Sorry if this doesn’t make sense but how do you… art? Like from looking at your art, there’s just so many different fandoms and it’s all fantastic!! How do you not stick to one or feel like you *have* to stick to one? Sorry

Aw Friend! No need to apologize! :D You asked your question plenty politely! That's a really interesting question actually, and I'm fascinated to be asked it! Because I actually do know the kinda thing you're talking about! or at least I have experiences that feel like they line up with what you're asking. A lot of its... growing up? I guess? And not in the sense of like. becoming an adult. but the non-stop process of growing and learning more about life. When I was younger, an actual child, I just Did it. I drew whatever I wanted, whenever I wanted. I didn't question hoping to a new interest or drawing different fandoms. I just did it. But the older you get the more complicated a lot of things get right? 😔 That was true for me.

I actually spent several years terrified, of moving on. Of leaving old fandoms behind. There was one fandom I actually forced myself not to leave for like... 2 years? Because I was afraid of all the projects I wouldn't complete, all the stories I wouldn't tell, all the art i wouldn't make. But honestly that was a horrible decision? It burnt me out of the specific fandom SO BADLY. Its only been around this last year that I've been able to enjoy things around it again without an overhanging shadow of stress.

I was still scared to fandom hop after that incident tho. Despite having gotten burned by caving to my own fears. It wasn't until I got into Trigun that I actually started to get less scared. A friend I met in that fandom, someone who was older than me, told me that... things have a way of coming back around. If you know the song "Everything Stays" From Adventure time? She said it was like that song. You will inevitably get older. But these things won't be gone. And you can always come back to them :) That clicked in my brain... and it took a bit longer, a bit more time of accepting that fact for me to find peace... but honestly? I kinda have now. At least for this moment in time. I wouldn't be surprised if the fear comes back around again, fear is funny and insidious like that. But I have the tools to beat it now :) The other two things I would mention are these: For starters: this might be obvious? But I'm a hobbyist artist. I don't make money off of my art, I don't sell it, I don't need numbers or clout in order to pay my bills. I'm completely free to do my own thing! Ain't nothing wrong with making a living off of your artwork and if that's the path that you want to walk GO FOR IT. But that path does have its own challenges. Because I don't walk that path, I am free to make whatever I want, without worrying about how it might reflect on my finances. The other thing is...

PERFECTIONISM...

THIS, NASTY LITTLE VILE COCKROACH, WILL RUIN YOUR ART LIFE SO BADLY ITS INSANE. It will ruin your NORMAL life super fast too 😔 it is an insidious little shoulder devil telling you, that you will be happier if you just do it the "perfect" way. IT IS SO SO SO SO SO SO WRONG. That is the key to the door of endless procrastination and broken dreams. SFLJSLF to get less metaphorical about it though: If you're always waiting for the perfect moment to make art for a fandom, to leave a fandom, to join a fandom (in this case i just mean "Get into the thing that interests you" when I say "Fandom") or create literally anything, you will be waiting forever. I know because i have been :') And its made it very hard to draw both in my past, and right now this very day.

Truthfully i'm still working on that one??? I've had some epiphanies recently that have helped a lot with my perfectionism... but I haven't tried drawing since having them? (drowning in the new Honkai Star Rail Patch WHEEZE) So uh. Not sure If I'm over that hill yet xD But yeah, if that's one piece of advice i could give you to take seriously, its don't chase perfection, in ANYTHING. Especially art. It will never be enough for you. And if you're doing it for other people, it will never be enough for them. Art is wonderful and messy, and human. And that is okay.

Its taken me a lot of soul diving and thinking and a lot of help from outside influence and kind people for me to figure this stuff out too. So don't feel bad to ask for help kay? We all need help. A lot xD I'm still not like, the king this stuff either. There are a lot of smaller, more niche, fandoms, I want to draw for, but still haven't, because of my own anxiety and embarrassment. There are fandoms I haven't drawn for because I don't feel like i have the adequate amount of information to be, ""allowed"" too (which is totally a fake standard btw, there is no barrier to entry for when you're "allowed" to draw something). I'm working on these problems every day.

Oh actually one last note: People can influence how hard it is for you to draw for a bunch of fandoms too. If you know you'll get made fun of for drawing something, its hard to draw. If you know you'll get praised for drawing something, sometimes that makes it easier to draw. Both of those things can mess you up BAD. Constantly drawing for other people (when its not a deliberate gift) can make you feel really upset and angry, and dissonant with your artwork.

But it can be equally as hard to realize nobody will share your enthusiasm if you don't draw what they like. That's not a judgement against anybody's friendships, we all got our own interests, and nobody can be 100% Invested in everything their friends enjoy. But It can make it a bit more emotionally challenging sometimes. And it can be hard to like?? Emotionally deal with that? in a way it makes art that you know will perform well, either with your friend group or online, like... "Candy". Its tastes good, but it doesn't give you long term energy (ie there's nothing wrong with it, but its not sustainable as your only form of sustenance) Meanwhile making art that is purely self indulgent is like eating a full and healthy meal. It gives you that long term energy of personal satisfaction, and your enjoyment and happiness also doesn't inherently hinge on whether or not other people appreciate it like you do. Obviously there's no issue if what you genuinely want to draw would also do well online/with your friends!

ANYWAYS, yeah, I'm still maturing and learning and growing with a lot of my opinions and perspectives and emotions on this stuff? Its definitely easier said than done, and while from the outside it looks effortless... I understand why you'd be struggling anon. I hope you can figure it out for yourself too! Best of luck :D also i could go on and on and on about this topic for years because alsjdfaksjdflJSDJGSD ooohhhhhhh boy I have learned and witnessed and thought many a thunk.

[lousirs]

this is a dump about the uglydolls movie novel 💋💋💋

Alrighty I'm basically a regular here SO LETS GET TO IT

lodoeheie so I just got the movie novel of uglydolls because i need to fill my hunger for uglydolls content and THERE R SO MANY LITTLE DETAILS AND DIFFERENCES IN THE BOOK???!!???

ok so Lou's monologue in the pipes are completely different and they kind of point out details about Lou like his loafers being expensive and allat

BUT IM NOT TALING ABOTU TAGT

there's this one part in the book where they are about to reveal Ox after the all dolled up scene and instead of Ox, Nolan was behind Lou???? I think it was just supposed to show how awkward Nolan is idk 💀💀

ALSO for some reason I feel like EVERUTIME Nolan made an appearance they always described him as "the handsome doll" and I find that so so silly but I love it

oh YEYEHA it's implied in the book that the dolls wear their own clothes when they aren't doing training which was not the case in the movie (probably due to animation complications)

in the gauntlet scene, in the book, it was Mandy who kinda taunted Lou to participate in the gauntlet rather than him deciding to buy himself. Also it made me think why he even decided to join it in both medias when he knew he'd fail but my friend and I just established that at that point he was probably already batshit crazy and had nothing to lose

the whole Ox flashback part was longer and had more details to it. So both Lou and Ox went for the gauntlet together and completed it but it showed that they failed and everyone thought it was Ox that caused them to fail when it was really Lou (kind of sad that Lou probably knew it was himself and had to put the blame on Ox)

it was also mentioned that both Lou and Nolan have somewhat of a muscular build so time to make some new head cannons

IM SO SORRY THAT THESE POINTS WERE ALL OVER THE PLACE AND THERE'S TYPOS EVERYWHERE

I just found thrse so interesting I'm so sorry

the book is pretty good imo (probably biased) and there's more stuff than what I put here so DEFINITELY go read it for yourself

why hello, we meet again... time for more rambling xD STRAP IN EVERYONE!

yes!! i've known about the novel for a hot minute. i haven't bought or read it (...yet) but i remember seeing silentreadersmatter (i believe?) post about it on wattpad... so shoutout to them lol. anywho time to respond to each thing mentioned in order (just about)...

lou with loafers!!: i always assumed he wore some sort of fancy shoewear... so it's nifty that they added clarification i guess xD

awkward nolan: awkward nolan is the superior nolan (in my opinion. i'm sorry lads)... i see nolan be depicted as a 'uwu soft boy bottom" most of the time... but i always thought he was just a awkward doll. like, an anxious mess that is trying his best but fumbles constantly. he's a ball of anxiety, and i love him. ANYWAYS

buff nolan real??: GOSH, I AM SO GLAD SOMEONE NOTICED THE MUSCULAR NOLAN THING. i always imagined nolan to be taller than the other dolls (he isn't really in the film but i always headcanoned it so because his uniform is smaller as if he was too big for it) but once i saw him be called "handsome" and "tall" and "muscular" in the novel, i flipped. the little baby boy is actually a BIG BUFF BABY. i have a doodle of this from a few months ago heheh... (thank you for giving me an excuse to show it because it's been lingering in my files for a while LMAO)

^^^ lou is just trying to act evil and devious but he got this tall, handsome muscular doll getting in his way xD

ohhh but i can just imagine instead of the robot dog taking lou to the washer, nolan personally picks him up and drags him there. now THAT'S a moment i want to see.

fashion: oh, i didn't know about the clothes thing! DAMNIT i want to see them all in casual clothing, so i know what kind of styles they wear!! i mean, there's a concept art with lou in a white jumper with a golden 'L' on it... but that's all.

i have my headcanons for what they wear, but it would be cool to see... especially since most other dolls normally do have numerous outfits for the kids to dress them up in.

gauntlet: yeah, lou kinda lost the plot around that point. i would take a guess that he was probably unnerved by just basically killing two dolls, one that he knew (possibly for a while) and one that was close to his old friend, so when he saw mandy still alive he was like "well sh*t." and then came the downward spiral of him trying to sabotage the others, before inevitably sabotaging himself. ...but i think the book's version of mandy getting the crowds to peer pressure lou to joining the gauntlet made more sense (lou's reputation would be at stake and his reputation is basically all he has) than him joining anyways in the film. i guess they tried to make it make more sense with the whole "I don't even have to win. I just need to make sure you lose." but ehh... eh....

ox's tragic anime backstory: yes!! they should've done this version in the film honestly. perhaps they could've even shown lou's regret for lying to basically his only friend. ...oh wait, i forgot. lou's meant to be a 100% evil villain who kicks babies. anyways, again i feel that the novel made more sense than the canon we got in film. i guess in the film ox got recycled because he was causing others to fail by accident? but the novel's version is much more interesting.

if i remember correctly (and if i don't, count this as a rewritten version lol) the assistant robots took ox away after he 'failed' in the novel. i can imagine a scene where we are in ox's perspective, being forcefully dragged away to the pipes whilst lou looks at him, dread and sadness written across his face, yet he doesn't try to stop the robots. he just stands there, biting back his guilt. ohh... if only...

STRONG BOYS!!: heheheheh strong nolan and lou... would be funny if nolan didn't appear strong, but is actually stronger than lou. but then again, how can you tell if the doll is strong? they all look like same. lou says his arms are bumped or whatever in ugly truth but WHERE? WHERE'S THE BUMPED ARMS LOU??

anywho, thank you for the novella lore dump! for anyone who is interested, go check out the novel as well. it's pretty interesting if you are deep into doll purgatory. (also it's mentioned that ox used to wear a fedora from what i remember)(THAT IS TERRIBLE. I LOVE IT)

[honey-minded-hivemind]

Beast Anon back again xP I apologize for the late reply and I'm sorry to hear you were stressed. As always I would encourage you to take it easy where you can, friend :) I'm doing well, thank you for asking, and to answer your question, the reason I like those kinds of AUs and relationships isn't anything that complicated, I just...find them really wholesome ^^ With them, you're always guaranteed a certain level of fluff and slice-of-life goodness that's easy to imagine and can help get you through your day when you need that extra little bit of warmth in your day, ya'know? :D As for why I prefer it with some X-Men characters, well, I have two reasons. Firstly, with the multiverse being an extremely canon thing in Marvel, especially X-Men in this case, it makes the idea of these relationships and stories a kind of canon in themselves, and it's always so fun to explore that ^^ To explain that a little more and get into the second reason, when you're dealing with the X-Men, some of the most exciting and complex Marvel characters of all time, you know these situations are going to be more than just a daily routine, there's always going to be some twist/emotional adventure to explore along the way, and it adds a whole new depth to the situation. True, you could argue that to be the case with just about any fictional character but...c'mon, it's the X-Men! xD As for your soon-to-be recent viewing of the first two episodes of X-Men '97, I promise you a real treat, but, I am obligated to not spoil a thing ^^ Except this: OMG HANK FINALLY SAID THE THING!!! :DDDD

No worries, Beast Anon! I am glad to hear from you again, and there is no set time or need to respond immediately. What happens happens. And I finally started watching the first episode of X-Men 97 and so far, my thoughts are as follows:

• Roberto you sweet, poor child... You don't know the half of it-

• Who the f*ck is hiding Sentinel parts?! They're fr*cking HUGE, how does someone just move that around?! Someone knows something, how can you not when a single Sentinel arm is bigger than a car-!

• Go Morph! Mighty Morph-ling Power Ranger! (Well, X-Man)

• Wolverine, dude, please get over the love triangle; you and Scott were friends once, can you two get some team or friend therapy and try to talk about it for once?

• Where is the official team therapist? Nor the therapist friend, the actual certified therapist-

• Let the kids have fun!

• Roberto, they viewer-insert/new guy who is how everyone would react to the crazy shenanigans of the X-Men and Marvel

• Mr. Xavier, I am starting to believe you and Magneto really WERE more than friends, or were some form of QPR at the least

• And Magento is back! And more... oddly looking well for someone who is in their... 70s, I think? Wow. He's doing good (if you aren't counting losing his best bud and possible boyfriend, not to mention inheriting aforementioned friend's family, school, and property)

Aaaaand that is about how far I've gotten. I need to play a little catch-up😅😊

And now I really want to see Beast and Carla get together/have a secret date, watch Wolverine and Morph or Wolverine and Storm become a couple, get more Sabretooth and the Brotherhood in this show (please please please let them be brothers) (sorry fandom members who ship them, I view them platoncially!), hopefully they introduce Laura/X-23 at some point, someone let Rogue and Gambit get together, we know that is likely endgame, and yes yes yes Roberto can be Jubilee's friend (and maybe sibling?) (Whatcha wanna bet she's wanted one since the first year?)

And woo! Yes, platonic yandere genre! I get the points you've made: Platonic yandere could be canon in some way, and it's Marvel, so canon is a bag of 40+ flavor jellybeans and a 45+ flavor milkshake stand... Also, yes, X-Men add a certain flair to the platonic yandere trope. Surprise, super-poweree genetically enhanced people, and this random teen/young adult/child who they somehow procured. Que a normal Tuesday of crazy villains, more insane humans, some weird relationship issues and the break-up then make-up, and (gasp) surprise! You have been blessed with this new character to love! They're called Reader, they can be sweet at times, they are willing to use a metal bat as a weapon, and oh, and they are as addictive to y'all as catnip is to cats!

May I ask your top three favorite X-Men characters? Top three favorite heroes, and favorite villain, so four favorite characters? Do you enjoy how I write them (if I have written for them) as platonic yanderes? Do you want an older teen/adult cartoon or anime where the X-Men are platonic yandere over someone? I myself do, and I would have so manh ideas on it! Are there any duo platonic yanderes you like, where two team up over Reader or are both interested in the same one? (Ex. Rogue and Gambit, Kurt and Rogue, Wolverine and Sabretooth, etc.)

I hope you have a good night/day! I will hopefully get to the second episode of X-Men 97 tomorrow, and once the first season is finished for the series, I can add X-Men 97 to the X-Men media I will write for😊 (And if you want to discuss any if this more, I am all ears!)

[fantomette22]

HELLO THERE

So, we’ve had a lot of discussions about this (you know mine by now skwhwwhwh) but what do you think Gehrman did pre-Byrgenwerth/hunting? His family, class status, occupation etcetera, things like that.

Alright is it TIME!!!

Thank you so much, I can finally share my « headcanons »/story about Gehrman’s backstory! Yes I have those ideas since September too…

I won’t talk about everything in details + there’s things I’m not settle with but it’s still going to be long and a bit messy sorry. It could have some dark theme too just so you know. I hope you will enjoy! Oh, and this is mostly in the interpretation of my current fic verse

His family first: 

He’s from a middle/working Class, I think. It’s not the big bourgeoisie for sure but they were not super poor either (I will talk about it just after but for going around buying books and a few fancy toys you need a bit of money XD)

His family lived at Hemwick then Yharnam. I have this idea that his family might have help Cainhurst and the nobles with their hunt parties for a while. (There’s were a lil accident here too at some point…) 

Besides that they might have worked in the fields. that's where he got his affinity with scythes !

So, there’s his father, and his little sister principally + there’s his mom and grandma who taught him to sew, cook and everything but I feel those two weren’t around for long :(

Oh, and there’s his aunt (a badass) who taught him to use weapons too and I like the idea she could be THE Evelyn you know. (but forget it)

And of course, they had some dogs while in Hemwick I think :)

I wouldn’t say he was a “weird” kid, but he was a bit different than the children his age. He didn’t pass that much with others his age either. He passed more time with people younger or older. Or generally he passed lot of times alone.

But I like the idea he could have been friend with Dores as a child. Dores who was really super weird and scared others and Gehrman just didn’t mind XD Also his family was a bit worried for a time because he thought that mercy killed a wounded bird was the best idea… well instead his family forced him to take care of the bird until he either die or get better. The bird lived and was release afterwards.

It might be linked to an another huge moment in his childhood/pre-teens : a wolf had attack cattle and possibly humans as well. Many people have been called to try to catch the beast. Gehrman tried to find it as well. Oh well he found it. It was hurt and sick and trapped in a jaw trap. He knew people were going to really make surfer the wolf who was already dying so he mercy killed it. During this adventure our lil hunter might have gone trapped too and hurt his leg as well. But nothing too serious lol (he hurt his right foot/leg way too many times when he was younger...)

(i made this back in September too...)

His education was not the highest thing possible either but still, he learned to read (and really like it) and wrote etc. and he loved going to expositions in Yharnam organized by Byrgenwerth. One day he even found a meteorite in a field and went to Byrgenwerth so that the scholars could explain and share to him everything they know! (yes! he made the burial blade and hunter badge years later from it!) yes a lil stone collector, like me <3 Oh and I headcanon he could play Cello (violoncelle) but I don't know where/when he learned.

He loved making toys and sew clothes too. He made a few dresses for his sister and a few little clothes for her plushies when she was younger. Of course, they had little dolls has well he and liked to make them various outfits. He also had/made a few wooden figures and some with mechanisms. I feel it would have been his dream job to make toys or even become a tailor. I headcanons he continued to make little articulated toys and sew clothes (he made his own) in addition to the weapons x)

At some points it becomes a bit complicated, I imagined when he was a teenager it was just him his sister and his dad. His father wasn’t super present and super fun it was a bit complicated (to resume)

And then the plague strike. (Yeah, I thought that having a tuberculosis epidemy 15y or smt before everyone met at Byrgenwerth and killed at least 1 member of everyone family was a good idea…I still think it is). 

His sister sadly passed away from it T_T this really hurt him intensely if not destroy him. He was quite close to her and that’s a part how he got huge issues with dealing with grief of persons really close to him.

I need a name for her eventually, but I might never cited her by name, I guess so I got times…

After that idk maybe his father died too? or later? idk

Anyway, he went to do many little jobs around Yharnam, not the best things really but well you need a shelter and to eat so he did many various things : manufacturing, butcher, gardening, constructions, take people/object from to place A to B.

That’s where he met Patches who was one of his roommates lmao. Patches probably stoles stuff to everyone. Gehrman was very clear that if he ever witnesses directly the thief, that one was really gonna have a bad time… thankfully it kinda stops XD 

By the way teen Gehrman is legit the type of person to gives weapons to people/lil kids so they can defend themselves just in case XD I’m not telling to who he gives a knife for exemple but the only thing I would say was that Cainhurst was really surprised XD

But there were something beginning to bother him. To bother him a lot. His right leg/foot really begin to hurt. To hurt really bad, he began to limp and smt even need to use a cane. At some points he couldn’t take it anymore, he went to Byrgenwerth so he could be properly healed. Well he got some really bad news… the tuberculosis from years ago have stayed dormant in his body for years and was now attacking his bones (it’s what a call tuberculosis of the bone/skeletal tuberculosis yes I’ve made quite some researches on it ). There was nothing to do so he asks them to amputee him. During his convalescence and reeducation, he spends lots of time with Dores & Liam (gatekeeper) (and also a bit with Willem + he met Laurence for the first time) who were sick too and didn’t work at Byrgenwerth yet.

After he was heal he decides to leave to work in a foreign regions/country a few years (Ahah you thought he was gonna stayed at Byrgenwerth ? Not yet!). To the places he went he did many things (mining for ex) and meet many people. I believed the first hunters /prospectors were almost all from Yharnam but the first foreigners might be people he meet there.  (it’s the case of the grandfather of my OC hunter and maybe the first hunter of hunters and well it could be fun if he meet Archibald or others don’t you think ? Oh and an idea I have is that he met someone linked with Yamamura who even worked on the Rakuyo much later ! Yeah he got some contacts XD)

So after this he returned to Yharnam and wanted to finally realized one of his dreams: takes a few class a Byrgenwerth. While he was working next to it, that wasn't easy too but with all his efforts Willem noticed him (+saw his huge potential) and after discussion proposed to him if he wanted to work at Byrgenwerth. Gehrman accepted and that’s how he become Groundskeeper. The rest is another story. One you might be familiar with 😉

(I've got nothing really new so here's some old drawings)

[protectingtulpas]

Hsdfs ok so I'm so incredibly new to all of this and so many things both explain my experiences but also leave me having more questions than answers?? Help??

Basically I spent the last 18 yrs of my life thinking I was a singlet that was just lowkey interested in DID and all that right? And at the same time I'm developing my ocs and their world right? Well as time goes on 2 of my ocs start like just attaching themselves to me, I'm talking like, it started out as them comforting me when I have my monthly emotional breakdown/crying sessions, it almost feels like they're actually cuddling me in a way? I can feel phantom touches from them? And then it evolved to me "talking"(????) to them and them hanging around reacting to my actions and my environment and shit right? And I'm just over here thinking this is just the normal experience of having ocs but I don't think that's the case???? And now I've discovered this whole community of tulpas and transplurals and gosh I think I'm overwhelmed I have no clue how to even begin to label myself and that is Distressing I Like Having Labels For Myself it's how I know who I am ig xd.

Sorry for the rant I just hsdhf I'm kind of frustrated ig? xd

Whoa there, anon! I know this is a TON to take in and you're processing a lot rn, so imma need you to slow down and step back. Don't forget that no matter what I say here, in the end it's not about labels. It's about YOUR EXPERIENCES, anon. Don't let ANY label limit or control you to its expectations. Whatever you settle on, you're more than your label.

Alright, so tulpas and people that wanna be plural but aren't yet are a VERYY small part of the broader plural community. It includes disordered systems of all kinds, non-disordered systems of all kinds, different types of created systems, and people who straddle the line like us. So the question you're probably looking for is less "which label do I use" and more "am I plural?" Which is, of course, a complicated question.

You sent a lot here about your OCs, and I wanna talk a bit about some of the things I see from your ask. A super common tell that someone is plural and it's not just their imagination is that the prospective headmates are interacting with and reacting to you and the outside world around you, not just your fictional world. Other headmates comforting the host when things get super bad is so common a thing for plurals that many systems with roles/jobs have specific jobs exactly for that. Feeling phantom sensations from your headmates is also another well-documented experience in both disordered & nondisordered systems. If you're wondering if these things are normal, my host's OCs that aren't headmates certainly don't do anything of the sort. Here's a pretty cool article about the levels of autonomy writers experience in their characters; it's a wide range, and a lot of people experience at least a little, but the extent you describe is very clearly in the minority according to this study. That seems like a super high rate of autonomy for singlethood, IMO. Imma be real with you, "transplural" is a label ppl tend to give themselves before becoming plural- in my armchair opinion, it sounds like you're a plural egg already. Your OCs seem to be like completely autonomous and aware of the outside world from how you're coming across in this ask, so have you like... Considered asking them how they feel about it? If you're not sure if they should be considered people, just ask em if they feel like real distinct people.

"An OCtive or OC Introject is a system member whose source comes from someone’s original character, whether a character someone in the system made or someone elses OC (such as a friend’s OC)."

Tulpas are a type of headmate created by consistent interaction with the concept of a person until the subconscious takes a hold of our responses and we gain autonomy outside of the host's control because of it. This is usually intentional, but it can also be unintentional too. Tulpas like me fall under an origin umbrella known as created systems! It's not the only type of system member origin, though! For example, "adaptive refers to systems which formed in response to trauma or other adversity. A common trait of such systems is viewing plurality as adapting, healing, and overcoming obstacles", and "neurogenic refers to systems that formed as a result of their neurodivergence, or from a mental illness. Usually, headmates originate from the need to cope, or be introjects based off symptoms like hallucinations or hyperfixations." These're two common origins but there're lots more, some broader and some more specific. Lots of systems identify with multiple origins as well, so you don't have to conform to just one. Take your time figuring out what works for you- it's more important for you to establish communication and healthy relationships with your headmates than to go digging for validity fodder. No matter what, if you feel like you're not just one person, you've always got the term plural for ya. It was coined by the inclusive community and it will ALWAYS be ours, we'll fight for it.

Lastly, don't just take my word for it- explore other resources for yourself/selves too. I've got a few for further reading to decide for yourself if you're plural!

More Than One is a fantastic introductory site to plurality, dispels common myths, and has some links to further reading about deciding if you're plural.

"How Do I Know If I'm Plural?" by The Dragonheart Collective walks you through common plural experiences and helps you compare them to your own. This one is great!

If you want to start learning terminology, The Plurality Hub Carrd has a palletable interface to start browsing through stuff you're interested in, with categories and everything. There's a LOT of information here, so it's great to keep in your back pocket and reference as a newbie.

Thanks for the ask! Good luck anon!

[ghosts-and-blue-sweaters]

In regards to the seven sentence tag game:

Let's see if I can manage this without going off into the entire plot of Gears of War and a comprehensive guide to the history, science, culture, society, and economic structure of the world of Sera. Or worse, start ranting about the themes of the story. 😅

So within the world of Gears there's a superweapon called the Hammer of Dawn. It's made up of a network of satellites that can rain down firey hell in concentrated bursts. It's a constant presence within the games, books, and comics and helps showcase the gray areas of humanity in a horrific but necessary way. Basically, big scary laser weapon from space. Not to be used lightly.

One of the bigger plot devices in Gears of War 5 is that they're trying to get the HoD back online. Most of the satellites have been lost, destroyed, or knocked offline and unreachable after the near apocalypse the world of Sera endured. The first mission in the game is to find and launch a working satellite. Unfortunately, one satellite is difficult to aim and doesn't cover a large surface area of the planet. One of the next missions you play is an evacuation of a COG settlement. Obviously things go wrong, things are looking bad and my poor sweet darling JD (James) fueled by guilt, pride, and fear decides to use himself as a targeting beacon for the HoD. It works until the satellite goes haywire and Baird no longer has control over it. And then everything goes to ratshit. JD gets hit with a blast that basically cooks him. He ends up severely wounded and in a coma for a while.

Now that you've got some knowledge to go off of this piece is a little bit of introspection on the relationship between JD and his father, Marcus. I'm kind of going for a "these are the times he remembers holding his son" thing. The first being only a few hours after JD is born. The next time being on JD's sixth birthday, only a short time before his mother's death, an event that drives a huge wedge between Marcus and JD. And the last being this moment when he has to drag his dying child to CASEVAC. I'm wanting to explore Marcus's guilt in not being there for his son and how he feels powerless as his little boy lies dying at his feet. One of Marcus's biggest issues throughout the entire series is his messiah complex. He believes it's his job to shoulder pain and suffering for everyone else. For him to be unable to do that for his own son has to feel like a major failure on his part. We don't really get a whole lot of this from Marcus's point of view within the game or the accompanying book. That's all mostly explored from Kait's perspective which is important and great, but poisonous relationships between parent and child are very important to me and I like to explore them in all their multifaceted detail.

So what did JD do? He lied. He put people that depended on him in danger. And he knowingly killed innocents. Eventually, his hubris caught up with him. And now his father has to face his own as they race for the chance to save JD's dwindling life.

And oops I rambled in your ask box. 🤦 Sorry.

Let's see if I can manage this without going off into the entire plot of Gears of War and a comprehensive guide to the history, science, culture, society, and economic structure of the world of Sera. Or worse, start ranting about the themes of the story. 😅

Me when I try to explain Ghostbur or Wilbur or Tommy or anything related to Dream SMP to someone who’s not in the fandom XD I usually end up going into a whole lotta detail lol—probably much more detail than is truly needed.

But it’s fun, so :D

Big scary laser weapon from space, gotcha!

NOOOOOOO JD *carefully covers him with a soft blanket and pats his head*

Ough… oh Deathy. One of my favorite things to read about is complicated relationships between family members. Oh gosh. Oh this fic sounds amazing oh my goodness. OH MY GOODNESS!!!!!

YEAHHHHHH FATHER-SON RELATIONSHIPS THAT ARE MESSY YES YES!!! I LOVE!!! OH MY GOSH YES!!!

You absolutely don’t have to apologize, my friend! Reading rambles is one of my favorite things to do :D And this story sounds sooooo good oh my gosh-

Now I’m curious: what do JD and Marcus act like? What are their personalities? Now that I know the backstory I’m very curious about other aspects of them :0

[new-dawn-au]

Am I going to make Apis and Saki canon? Hell yeah, they're too cute not to! Don't blame me, blame the little demon pulling my heart to make this happen X3

Bold = texting

"Italics with quotation marks = thinking"

This was not good.

It was supposed to be a normal day, but of course, something had to go wrong. The thunder was too loud, too near, too…. Familiar. And Apis was not a fan.

He could feel tears building up in his eyes and his own grip on reality or any sense quickly slipping away as he tried to find somewhere to hide from it all.

He had stupidly forgotten his house keys, and Adonis was working that day so he couldn't unlock the door for him, leaving him in a bad situation of having to wait for hours to go home. And it sucked.

But just as he was about to break down, he heard a voice he had grown fond of over the past few months. "Apis? Are you okay?" Saki asked her friend, visibly worried about him.

Apis looked to his friend and tried to muster a smile but miserably failed, letting tears fall as he clung onto her.

"Please… don't let them hurt me again. I can't go back, I can't, they'll hurt me, I just know it. I'm dead if they find me, please don't make me go back… help me, please." He mumbled through his tears, he couldn't control himself when he was like this. He felt embarrassed, embarrassed that he was breaking down like this and having a breakdown in front of someone he considered a good friend.

Surprisingly to him, Saki had not pushed him away, instead pulling him closer and taking him to her house. Despite her knowing little to nothing about what he was talking about, she still comfored him. "It's okay, I won't let them take you. You'll be safe here."

By the time they had both entered her room, Apis had fainted from panic, leading Saki to lend him her bed and pull the covers over him whilst she went to get something for the both of them to eat and drink.

Nobody was home today so it left her to watch over her friend without interruptions. Suddenly, his phone received a message.

Adonis: That thunder is really loud isn't it? Hope you're ok❤️

Yikes, it was going to be complicated to explain that Apis wasn't actually seeing this message and that he had passed out. But Saki did it in the best way she knew how to.

Apis: this is Saki Tachibana, a friend of Apis from school! He's at mine rn bc he got scared by the thunder and he's sleeping thru it srry do you want me to wake him up? :)

Adonis: no, it's fine. It's nice to know that he has many good friends now. Or maybe you're more than friends🤨? Jkjk

Wait, what?

Was Apis's dad trying to suggest that they were… dating?! Saki had never even considered dating him! However..

She did find him very kind and cute. And it was so fun messing with his hair, it was always so soft and he always reacted so cutely when she accidentally touched his neck when playing with his hair with his little giggle and nose scrunch followed by his insistence that he was most definitely not ticklish on his neck despite him obviously being so. And his face was attractive as well, she had thought of kissing him before…. Wait, kissing?!

Okay, so she might like him, but there was no way that he felt the same!

Apis: omfg no💀 were not dating but Im flattered that you think I cud end up with sum1 like him XD

Adonis: uh huh, sure thing lol. If he isn't up or still at yours by half 4 then give me your address and I'll come for him.

Apis: will do.

A few hours later, Apis stirred awake and looked around before seeing Saki and realising what just happened. "Ah, Saki! I'm sorry for falling asleep in your bed, it won't happen again!" "Haha! It's fine, you were scared and you needed it, I don't mind." Saki smiled, handing him a rice ball.

"I assumed that you'd be hungry when you woke up so I made some rice balls for you, do you like it?" Apis took a bite and smiled back at her, blushing slightly. "Mmhmm! It's really nice, thank you."

There was that look again, that smile and those rosy cheeks. And those eyes… it made Saki truly realise her feelings for him.

She loved him, she actually loved someone again. She didn't even think she could love like this after her last relationship, but here she was, basking in Apis's presence, loving his existence, loving being around him.

Nope, she had to stop herself there. She was supposed to be looking after him, she could crush over him another time! "Hey, are you thirsty? I have some apple juice downstairs that I can go get if you want." Apis nodded and followed her to the kitchen, holding her hand to keep his balance stable

Saki could just feel herself overheating, his hands were strangely soft in comparison to her rough ones up, they felt like heavenly buttercream to her and she adored it.

But all of a sudden, she heard whimpering coming from him as he pulled his hand back, covering his white eye. "It must be that scar again! But how can I help him?" Saki thought, coming to a reckless conclusion.

She held his wrists gently so as to not hurt him, leant near his face and placed a gentle kiss on his white eye and scar, gaining a squeak from him. "E-Eh?! Saki, what are you doing?.."

"Oh shit! I am so sorry, I didn't know what to do and I thought that if I kissed it then the pain would go away! That was really stupid, I'm so sorry again." Saki apologised profusely before Apis interrupted. "You don't have to apologise! I… um.. actually kind of liked it.. it made me feel safe, and warm and fuzzy inside and I don't know why.. is there something wrong with me?"

Saki widened her eyes, could he feel the same thing towards her as she did to him? She had to test it.. "Hey, is it okay if I try something? You can stop if you feel weird or uncomfortable."

Apis nodded his head. Granted, he didn't know what was going to happen, but he put all of his faith and trust in Saki.

She leant near his face again, kissing his lips as she closed her eyes. She was taken by positive surprise when she felt Apis kiss back slightly, so he did feel the same way! His lips were just as soft as the rest of him, it was clear that they had been bitten out of anxiety and overall stress,but it wasn't unpleasant, it was kind.

Apis pulled away to catch his breath, his cheeks now a bright red. "I.. enjoyed that… a lot. I think that I… love you."

Saki smiled wide, her cheeks the same as his as she wrapped her arms around him, pulling him I to a hug. "I love you too, Apis."

IT'S DONE AND NOW I'M GONNA BURRY MY HEAD IN FLUFF OVERLOAD, GOOD BYE

[zkretchy]

2022 is nearing it’s end which means I get to dig up wips I never finished Like this one of Kos..........sorry my guy (fun fact: for the whole...world/story he is also part of he was the first oc I designed....which makes the fact that I drew the rest of these guys first and then quickly finished his piece more sad actually xD oops?)

anyhow like with the rest, the character info i dug up is under the readmore

tl;dr he is what happens when a human woman has a child with a demon and the Gods themselves looked at that and went “Wouldn’t it be funny if he were destined to bring upon the end of the world?” and then don’t do anything with it other than make people panic Starting with a tl;dr may be unusual but I also have no idea how to even bring any of that up casually so I’ll do it in little notes like I wrote for myself Father is an incubus-but not in the new-world (classic) way of sex demon, but more old-school not yet a new species-more of a vampire type demon really....demon Aka he is better off eating hearts than being horny but can do both. Now for the whole end of the world part- He is supposed to be the vessel for a demon that will devour the world which basically makes him unkillable in a sense-he just loses more and more of his humanity and thus becoming more and more of his previously mentioned old-school demon part (well that and also timetravel Tbh I think the whole relation between him, said demon and Namir actually (hi there) would need it’s own post because I need to write it in a way people other than me can understand first (sry)(also I really made this as complicated for the opposing force which wants to reawaken their ‘God’ and kill Kos and with that the demon who will end the world or whatever because trust me-it is not as easy as stab Kos and have him stay dead)

But to get to more character stuff and none of that destiny bs: As you may see his childhood wasn’t too great He was mostly hidden away for most his childhood until he escaped with the help of a knight when his father had his mother burnt at the stake. Afterwards he stayed hidden in a village further away, hiding out in a brothel and later managed to get to school to study both law and arts Generally after that he decided to go out and travel where he eventually met Randall and got to not only know the general landscape but also all kinds of beasts that accompany it which want to eat you. He is generally rather carefree and cheery, always wary of getting into either a bad mood or situation as when he gets driven too far in a corner his body WILL remind him of his part demon side (accompanied by the whole World Ending piece added into the mix it’s not too fun) Extra bit of info: World Ending Demon actually has a name: She is called Abyss but also has multiple other titles so if there is someone people are generally afraid of and speak negatively about but who mostly just chills and has the vibe of a cat batting at a beehive until it’s someone elses problem-it’s her

[lady-grace-pens]

Get to Know My Character Tag

I’ve almost reached 5k words with ETNB, so in celebration of that, I’m gonna do this! Nobody tagged me in it, but by God I’ve got ideas and a will so I’m tagging myself!

So! I will be interviewing my lovely darling Constantine from my current wip. Let’s get into it!

•••

Relationship Status?

At the beginning of the story it’s, “Single and not currently looking. A thousand apologies ladies, but do remember my name if you’re looking for a night of fun.” But at the end of the story it’s, “Uh… Single? No, not entirely. Taken? Friends with benefits? I don’t fucking know. It’s uh… It’s complicated.”

Favorite Color?

“Black. Or grey.”

Favorite Food?

“Hm… I don’t… Well, I’ve never hated anything Blake cooked. So um… probably anything by him.”

Song stuck in your head?

“Anything by Amy Winehouse. Like, constantly. Even when Blake and I get together and listen to old rock or punk at night, her voice echoes in the back of my mind. Seriously, have you ever heard anybody sing like her? I don’t think-”

And here is where we stop, because he will literally proceed to rant on about her for the next 15 minutes XD

Last thing you Googled?

“Nothing you can prove. Next question.”

How are you feeling? (Substituting the ‘time’ question for this one bc it makes more sense :)

“…

The fuck? Is this some kind of trick question? Are Blake and Rebekah crouching behind you waiting to tell me to love myself while assaulting me with pillows if I say no? Did they put you up to this? No, I’m not answering. Next question. Make it something good.”

Dream trip?

“Hm… I often dream of building a little cabin in the woods out of town. Someplace nearby a stream. I’d get a dog, probably bring Blake and Rebekah along with me. We’d have a life there. Quiet, but peaceful, good. Hiking and fishing in the day, playing guitar on the porch… Hell, maybe I’d even start reading. If I were to go anywhere, I think it’d be there, but… I would like to travel around the world someday as well. Wherever the breeze takes me first.”

Last thing you read? Last book you enjoyed reading?

“I literally cannot remember the last time I’ve touched a book, outside of making a blunt in a pinch. Sorry.”

Favorite thing to cook or bake?

“Oh God… Alright. Shut up, don’t say anything, I’m only disclosing this information for the sake of honesty, and because I love my creator. Cookies, but for the memory associated with it. Rebekah wanted to make this video a while back where she and I made cookies from scratch without a recipe. Blake would help us along if we needed it, and be the taste tester and judge the damn things. Little did Bekkah know, the first half of that statement would prove to be a huge mistake. I’m not saying much, but it led to him helping me sneak in a bunch of shit that should not even touch a cookie, cracking open a fresh bottle of whiskey and getting tipsy before the video even fucking ends, poor Bekkah becoming exasperated and giving up because she only wanted to bake a good batch of cookies with us, and Blake nearly puking because he forgot that he had to eat the cookies to judge them. I had to stop Bek from forcing Blake to down an entire cookie as her revenge. He couldn’t stomach anything more than half a cookie, but I managed to down a full one. So yeah. I have that accomplishment now. I don’t think I’d hate cooking anything, as long as I make it with them.”

Favorite craft to do in your free time?

“Well, I don’t know if you’d call it a ‘craft’, but I play guitar in my free time. Acoustic. I’m not the best or anything, I’m still learning. But… yeah. It’s pretty fun, you know. Relaxing. Good way to pass time. Sorry, I don’t know what else to say.”

Most niche dislike?

“Niche? What does that even mean? I suppose I… hate lemon. Does that count? Pumpkin too, I don’t see the appeal. Anything too sweet or acidic, though it depends.”

Opinion on circuses?

“Circuses? Wha - What are we doing here? What the fuck? It was Blake’s idea to go here, wasn’t it? Second bet is on Bek living another childhood dream. Okay, alright, fine. I’ll suck it up for their sakes. But I’m expecting a nice, relaxing evening at Lily’s once we get home. And you can’t fucking pay me shit to go near the contortionists. The clowns can fuck themselves too. Dammit. Is it time to leave yet?”

Do you have any sense of direction?

“Do I have any-” he scoffs. “Hell yeah I do! I k ow Dunsbrew like the back of my mind. I’ve been in the woods surrounding it, the mountains, the ranches. You name it, I’ve been there with my motorcycle. I still have a good idea of the layout of the capital too, Derrykill. Even though its quite rare that I venture there. But still. I’d rather shoot the back of my hand before I say I don’t have any sense of direction. Fuck’s sake.”

•••

Tagging anybody who reads this!! I fucking loved making this, seriously. I’ve never had so much fun making a post before XD

[asoulofatlantis]

I felt sorry for doubting her and thinking she was just testing him again, so I didn't mention it and said she was just trying to casually chat but... uh... I guess I didn't need to feel bad about it after all... Regardless, I do believe that in her heart, she just wanted him to chat with her about that guy that he should somewhat remember and feel better about her own doubts about him. Its... complicated really. I wonder tho... is it my fault that this didn't end up well? Because I've gave the worst possible Answer? Or will it always end up like this?

I mean... it was impressive how she played with the Materia... but somehow she still kind of ruined it ^^'

Uh... we are... not really doing that? ^^' I mean... I guess we do kill Soldiers from time to time and we certainly do not plan to play nice with Sephirot either but... an assassination sounds a bit too brutal for us ^^'

Oh god! Please tell me its not the guy with the motorbike. PLEASE!

I couldn't agree more... URG! Lets just get this over with.

Here I am, being absolutely frustrated for multiple In-Game-reasons and he is freaking flirting with me!

Holla. If you want to get to Aerith, you have to get through Cloud AND Tifa, my dude! So... I think I should call an Ambulance in advance, because its going to hurt XD

Oh... he just... left. Okay. No complains here ^^'

And he hasn't even met Zack yet... (Don't throw things at me! I was joking! Just joking! I swear!)

Thank you for the warning... lets go!

*goes crying in a corner* Not another freaking minigame. I hate those. I fucking, freaking hate those damned minigames, especially the non-optional ones T.T

I fucked it up. It might take me a few tries... URG.

I made it the second time... thank god. I want to rush through the game as much as possible but it doesn't make it easy for me AT ALL.

I could be wrong... but isn't this thing supposed to be ours eventually?

I am stuck again. In the middle of a bunch of Shira soldiers who don't even notice us ^^'

I have no idea who exactly the guy is or what his aim is. He is from Wutai. Rufus shot him once. And he looked like one of the man in the black robes for small a moment. But other than that... no idea!

You see those two looking at Cloud like this and you know he has already lost that argument XD

They have way too much fun XD

This is getting out of hand ^^'

Oh god! Is this ever going to end?

You need to win the upcoming parade for some extra point for Aerith. So... in trouble now. We're in trouble now. So in trouble now...

I certanly was not good enough for that ^^' Uh... Ma'am XD

I will never finish this game XD

[ramonadecember]

For the bestest cowbaby ever; Theo:

Eros 1, 5

Philia 5

Storge 2, 3, 4

Agape 3

Ludus 4, 5

Pragma 2

Philautia 1, 4

oc love asks.

your favoritism is showing. most answers under the cut because there are… so many xD

—

Eros/1: you wouldn’t think it, but Theo is a romantic when it comes down to it. in fact, Theo didn’t even think he was into that stuff, be it on the giving or receiving end, but then he met the right man and it’s all he wants. the rough, gruff dude is a total softie. the top ~romantic~ trait of Theo’s is that he’s prone to bringing Jed flowers he’s picked himself while off doing whatever. and it’s why he also is going to give Jed a real proposal (that probably involved talking to his parents and everything), even though there like… can’t exactly be a real wedding. he just wants to do it right and give his man what he deserves. also, despite all the blushing and grumbling it induces, he wants all the romantic stuff in return too.

Eros/5: like so many things about Theo, his feelings regarding his looks are complicated, and he prefers them to just… not be acknowledged. Theo isn’t hard on the eyes, but that’s kind of the ‘problem.’ he was lead believe that the way he looks is a bad thing (attracting the wrong type of attention, and from the wrong type (or ya know, gender) of people), and so if his appearance is ‘bad,’ then he’s not gonna be able to see himself as any type of attractive.  it also doesn’t help that the guy he’s attached at the hip to is, in Theo’s eyes, the equivalent of a Greek god 😂 everyone looks ugly when standing next to Jed lmfao. but yeah, he doesn’t get how someone like that is interested in him, and he thinks Jed deserves better. 

Philia/5: considering that his best friend is his sister Tess (or you know, his best friend for longer. sorry Jed)… his wish for her would be that she finds a way to heal from all that their childhood put them through. Tess doesn’t like to talk about it any more than she does, and she puts on a good act that it doesn’t affect her anymore, but he knows her, and he knows how, as much as that’s said, it isn’t always the case. sure isn’t for him either. and he wants to do all that he can to help her with that. whatever she needs.

Storge/2: the answer to whether or not Theo has kids is ‘sometimes’  lmfao. despite not caring to write/read/rp children you somehow convinced me to give him a pair in our angsty au, which is how he came to have James and Grac(i)e. Theo has a complicated relationship with fatherhood due to his own father and his beliefs about his abilities to properly parent, and even more complicated feelings over having children born out of what what we’d call a comphet relationship, but he loves those two so fiercely and wants the world for them. Gracie is the sweetest thing on the planet, anyone would fall in love with her, but James… he is an exact clone of Theo in just about every way, and it makes the word complicated come up again. he sees so much of himself and his struggles in that boy… Theo constantly fears he’s going to screw this/them (maybe James in particular) up.

Storge/3: oooh boy. the parental approval—or disapproval as it is—has been clearly expressed, and it still has lasting effects on his self-worth. when he was young, Theo tried to lean into it, being the delinquent, the sinner, the good-for-noting son, because it was made ‘necessary’ by his circumstances (see the next question, I wrote that one first lol), but it… hurts, and Theo has really come to believe it about himself, and there’s a lot of unlearning to do there. even with his father now dead, he still has to contend with his mother’s opinion of him, and since he’s a bit of a momma’s boy, that has a different sort of sting to it. she’s turned a blind eye to a lot that he’s done and a lot about him, but when that becomes no longer an option, her struggle to accept him fully is also a struggle for Theo.

Storge/4: Theo has three siblings. his older sister Rose, his twin Tess, and his little sister Amelia. he doesn’t know if there was a favorite, but Theo knows for certain he was the least favorite. mostly that was of his own doing, purposely bringing his father’s ire on him so that it wouldn’t be directed at anyone else. they don’t talk about it, but his sisters know that was the case. luckily Rose got married and got out, and Amelia was young enough to not have always known what was going on. which only adds to why Tess and him are thick as thieves, and why she’s the one that Theo remains close with despite having grown apart from the other two now that he… isn’t around much. 

Agape/3: Theo definitely isn’t one of those ‘is it really altruistic if what you get out of it is feeling good’ type of thinkers because that’s just eyeroll-worthy lmao. he does however think it’s right to be wary of people who claim to be doing things out of the goodness of their heart alone, and he knows that when he does good, it’s frequently for a purpose (like money, or penance for all he sees himself as having done wrong) and not just because it’s the right thing to do. Theo has Jed as a shining example of like… all of this. the dude has a skepticism-inducing amount of kindness and helpfulness, Theo didn’t trust it a lick at first, but really that’s just… how Jed is, and unfortunately it makes him fall victim to the fact that everyone else is not the same. 

Ludus/4: his first crush was on a boy he was friends with as a kid. things got… weird between them, because Theo didn’t understand what he was feeling or that he could feel that way about about another boy. they fought, things never got repaired between them. Theo still sometimes wonders how things might have been different if he knew about himself what he knows now. not that he would have like… ended up with the guy or anything (don’t worry, he’s more than happy with your Jed and you know that lmao), but he might have at least been able to salvage a friendship. 

Ludus/5: Theo definitely likes to believe he’s immune to any ‘seduction techniques,’ and that he doesn’t have time for any of that, but this is coming from the man who short circuits when a hot man talks to him lmfao. but for real… seduction is kind of a new thing to Theo, because on the past he’s pretty much exclusively dealt in coded words and knowing glances to get the job done, so he’s still learning what works for him outside of that (Jed—Jed and whatever he does works for him. so maybe… annoying him til he falls in love being genuine and patient and kind is what passes for seduction in Theo’s book, ha).

Pragma/2: generally speaking, the biggest challenge Theo has to overcome in any relationship is himself, ha. he clearly comes with… a lot of baggage, and it make Theo prone to ruining relationships before they can ever really take off. but more specifically, and considering his only real longterm relationship has been with Jed, the biggest thing would be Theo learning to trust and feel safe with Jed again after the series of events and lies that led to Theo thinking he was dead for an extended amount of time, only to have Jed in fact not be dead, and come back like what he did was at all justified. what it takes is just… time. a lot of time.

Philautia/1: lmao, no. Theo does not have a healthy sense of his own worth/value, he doesn’t think very highly of himself what so ever. too many years of having it reinforced that everything he does is wrong, that he’s a bad person, that he’s good for nothing. it’s why he sticks to himself and goes out on his own, why he doesn’t feel like he deserves good things, including love, and it’s why he makes himself out to be such a hardass who doesn’t care about those types of things… his sense of self is changing, though… getting better. but it’s a real slow battle, and frustrating to both himself and the people that care about him.

Philautia/4: you just want to make Theo say nice things about himself 😂 which as we can guess, is a struggle. he’d probably say his resilience? he knows that yes, he shouldn’t have been kicked around so much in the first place (literally and figuratively), and yeah yeah, he doesn’t always have to be ~strong~. but Theo still thinks it’s pretty impressive that for how much he’s been beaten down over the course of his life, and with how much he’s gone through, that he still manages to get back up again, that he still manages to like… function, and in a fairly well adjusted way too, all things considered. 

[dzpenumbra]

2/9/23

I'm just gonna say it. It is difficult to add a Turing test for making a Tumblr account? Is it complicated? Does it cost too much money or something? Or have these bots just gotten smart enough to bypass them? The bot accounts on this site are just like... absolutely insane. At least they have been the past few months, I have no idea how long this flood has been a thing, I've only been here since like... August, I think?

I'll be honest, it's not a good look. Like... I swear, if Tumblr had an answer for this? They'd be in really good shape. This is a really cool atmosphere, I wish I had given it a chance sooner. But the amount of bots creeping around reminds me of that scene in the last Matrix movie (the last "real" one, sorry Lana, I really do appreciate the concepts behind what you were trying to do, but even your sibling tapped out on it, and I have to side with them, unfortunately) - let me clarify, in Matrix Revolutions, when Neo is in the City and all those bug robots are swarming around him. Like that. Just... off-putting. Like, what the fuck are they up to? I mean... they're up to something...

Today, I woke up at a somewhat decent hour. I checked the clock and confirmed 8 hours of sleep, which was awesome. Still catching up on sleep, as always... I decided to watch the Subnautica: Below Zero playthrough I've been following in bed to start the day. Depression and grief thing. I watched the same streamer do a playthrough of Project Zomboid when my dog died, so... I don't know, it's weirdly comforting, in a grim kinda way. Like my dog and cat are together now. And it reminds me of how my cat would cuddle with me and grieve with me. I'm very enraptured with the Subnautica playthrough, I love the series. I just cut an episode short to write this.

I was watching that, and lazily trying to navigate Bumble... with very little luck... I swear, these dating apps are just... it's pure depression fuel. In the 4 years that I've been on Bumble and Hinge, I have had 2 successful matches. One was a very brief text exchange through the app over the course of one night which just... evaporated... like I've had more personal conversations with cashiers before... and the other was an alcoholic woman with an STD who just separated from her husband, and just got out of a psych ward for reasons she didn't fully disclose... though who am I to judge, I've been to mental health facilities as well, but my intakes were voluntary so... I feel like my lesson to learn there was to... get more info... or run... still not 100% sure. This woman, a week after my dog died, brought the skeletons of 3 goats over to my home, made me watch Bo Burnham's special about how he was in the same type of isolation as me during the pandemic, gave me one of the worst panic attacks of my life... which I miraculously recovered from within less than 5 minutes... and then... she got freaked out and left. Called me the next day to do the whole, "it's not you, it's me..." And I - to myself, of course - wholeheartedly agreed with her. She needs help, first from herself, then from others. So... let's just say I haven't had a lot of luck with dating apps... XD

My morning was disrupted by the neighbors above running what sounded like... I mean, I guess it was a vacuum? Or maybe a steam cleaner? But it sounded like an industrial autoclave or something. Like, it sounded big and fuckin loud. And it was like... 10:30 AM? I was a little upset at first reaction, but made hay pretty quick. I went downstairs and decided that the best thing I could do was something with headphones on. I decided to pop on the cans and start polishing a new stone. I haven't done that in a long time. I had been using the tumbler for most of my stones and I'm still waiting on the new polish. (OH but I did get my new yoga pants today so yay!) So I took one of the stones my mom mailed to me from her new driveway that she found that she liked a lot and I worked that thing for 2 fucking hours. I really enjoy hand-faceting stones, it's hard work but I find it very rewarding. I wish I had some sort of rig to hold the stone stable so I could be a bit more deliberate and consistent with my angles, but this was a very organic shape so I just sorta went with it, abandoned symmetry entirely and I think it still came out really nice. And the stone was much softer than I was expecting. I think it's veins of calcite running through slate or something? I don't know, I'm not a geologist, I just like making pretty things prettier.

I did yoga. It was really quick today, just like 10-15 minutes. But it had that pose where you go from downward dog and lift one leg? And you're supposed to have your down leg rooted at your heel... but I can't get myself into downward dog and plant my heels. So I kept fumbling around with it and bringing my hands closer in to compensate... and then I was supposed to like... curl my leg above me and stack my hips, while keeping both hands planted. And I just... I could do it on my left side kinda I guess, with my right foot planted, but once we switched I was just falling over. It's frustrating. But, to be fair to myself, my flexibility has massively improved overall. Like I went to stretch my hamstrings earlier and I could touch the floor, which... well, it's been a while.

I took a shower and started to get ready for meeting up with my brother, nephew and sister-in-law for dinner. We went to a really nice chinese restaurant in town - I mean like... really fancy. Like way above any budget I'd be earning in my lifetime. And my socially oblivious ass just doesn't even mention the bill, which is honestly probably a godsend for them that they don't have to deal with the awkwardness of insisting on paying for the expensive meal they suggested. Idk, my brother works in the stock market and my sister in law is a doctor, and I'm a fucking artist who doesn't sell anything so... I'm just gonna kinda assume it's pretty obvious I won't be paying for dinner... XD

I got there early and parked in a parking garage I haven't parked in in... probably 15 years? They don't do paper tickets anymore, it was super confusing, I had no idea what to do. I fumbled around with the app thing on my phone but I didn't want to take my credit card out in a parking garage to put my number into it, because... I mean, there was a homeless guy yelling across the street at the entrance so like... yeah. So I just said fuck it. I walked down this main street, it's like... one of those streets in a city that is specifically for walking only, you know? And it's just lined with shops and shit. When I used to live in this city, my apartment was a block from the top of this street, and my community college was halfway down the street, so I spent a ton of time there. I mean, I remember sitting on a big rock on the street playing guitar for people, busking and making enough to buy coffee. That's a fond memory. I was so much more confident back then.

Now... I was super overwhelmed. I was amazed, and intrigued by everything. The buildings felt very tall around me, I recognized nearly none of the shops. I found some cool new age shops and a skate shop and I was interested in checking them out, but I didn't have time. I had to get the reservation for my brother and them, they were running late. On my way to the restaurant, a homeless guy asked me if I had a few dollars to spare. And to make it clear how long it has been since I have encountered this... they used to ask "do you have any spare change". And now, with inflation and fucking stupid costs of living, he asked "do you have some spare cash", and even a few dollars isn't enough for these poor people. Imagine how insulted and angry that guy would be if I gave him a 50 cents. I... kept staring wide-eyed at the buildings as I walked by and pretended I didn't hear him. I felt really bad. I did have some spare cash, but... I remembered that in my... inattentiveness... I keep forgetting to take the cash out of my wallet. I don't have anywhere else to put it, frankly. And inside my wallet, I have the cash that the administrator of the retreat I went to to detox off meds gave me for an illustration commission. It was like $400. I'm not fucking kidding. And I don't know what to do with this cash because like... who the fuck breaks a $100 in 2023? And I never leave my damn house. And I don't want to like... leave it in some random doom drawer in my house, it'll just disappear. I don't know what to do with it, honest. So like... I just have it in my wallet. And I'm walking by this guy and going, "I know I have cash, but I also know if that fucker sees that I have over $400 and a pair of AirPods on me, he's taking all of it or I'm getting stabbed." And, to top it off, I'm fucking alone. So... yeah, I was super fucking anxious. And I think rightfully so. It went fine, obviously, but like... that shook me a bit.

I should really just get rid of that cash, I guess I can go to my bank? And see if I can deposit it somehow? It's not like I can feed it into an ATM or something. I'm so fucking dumb with this stuff, I swear, no one taught me any of this. It's super embarrassing. So yeah, maybe I'd be less panicky if I didn't have that cash on me.

Dinner was great. Great to see my nephew, a riot as always. Good catching up and chilling. We did this thing at the restaurant where the chef just picked what we were going to eat and they just brought a bunch of courses out for us. All vegetarian, because my brother has been vegetarian since... I'm gonna venture to say since Clinton was in office. Which was actually cool with me, because I don't like fish - never ate it my entire life, never got a taste for it so it's super overwhelming to my senses now - and I don't really like beef either. Just pork and chicken for me, usually just chicken, if I'm being honest. The food was a big adventure of new flavors, things I'd probably never order off a menu myself. So, it was a big wave of new experiences today.

I was super overwhelmed at the beginning of dinner, and super drowsy because the sun was going down. That's been happening a lot lately. But I bounced back after getting a pot of Jasmine tea in me.

I noticed, in reflection after the fact, that I talk very openly and frequently about my mental health. And I'm starting to think that might not be a good thing. I know it's habit, I mean... how could it not be? Like... since about... 2018? The vast majority of my social interactions have been revolving around mental health. And by vast majority, I mean like.. 80-90% of my conversations, no exaggeration. When that is your life, when every conversation is like a therapy session (or actually is a therapy session), you really are forced to get comfortable with sharing. Like... if you go to group therapy and never speak up, you're just cheating yourself. So, powering through those reflexes and getting comfortable with talking about my mental health has actually... tipped into the realm of maybe being awkward for people.

Like... I'm talking to my sister-in-law about how my PTSD makes it hard for me to open up to a doctor in only 15 minutes, like I start freezing and stumbling over my words on simple questions and shit, and how I can only imagine how hard it makes their job to try to get all the information and diagnose and set up treatment and everything in 15 fucking minutes! Something is just going horribly wrong there. But like... I'm just hoping I'm not making things awkward. I really don't even notice it anymore, like... the way I spoke to them, the way I speak to my therapist and the way I speak here are all like... basically identical. It's just... my thoughts. My pure thoughts. I still have some boundaries, I mean it's not like they need to know about my sexual habits or how my hemorrhoids are doing, especially at a dinner table... But I'm afraid it might be awkward for them to talk about mental health stuff. I don't know, it's hard to tell. Maybe I should ask at some point?

After dinner, I went home. It was pretty warm today, I was getting bummed as I drove back that all the snow was melting. I was getting a big craving to go skate. And then I saw this dude slip on ice as he was walking back from a night class, when I drove by a local college. And he didn't know I saw him, I pretended I didn't see so he didn't feel embarrassed, not that he should be, it's like the lowest friction substance in the fucking world... And that planted a seed, which sprouted once I got to the rotary park where I skate. I scouted it out as I drove by - there was still snow. I pulled into my "car park", as my South African accented Siri likes to call it, which makes me smile. And as I walked in, I put my foot in a pile of snow by the door to see what the conditions were like. The snow was something close to the condition of like... a Slurpee, or something. If you're not American and don't know what that is, I don't know how to help you, like... a slushie? Like that kind of snow/ice. Like sleet that is cold enough to take solid form. That kind of snow is... not ideal because it's right on the edge of going to slush and certain ground/stone/pavement can retain heat... and the friction and pressure from skating can just turn that snow right into a slow, wet, soggy mess. But if the temperature is low enough... you get all the packability of wet snow, and that slush effect doesn't happen, and it also doesn't instantly turn to ice like it does on colder nights... And that's pretty much the conditions I got to work with tonight. So I stretched and I went skating.

But my dumb ass didn't bring my water bottle.

I tried skating the 2-stair, but that whole warm stone turning packed snow into slush thing? That was happening right where I was supposed to pop. Right at the lip of the first stair. It was just crap. But there was snow all over. I skated flatground for a while. My ollie was doing really well today, very consistent, good pop too. I was getting more comfortable and accurate with pop shuvits. I couldn't land a 3 shuv to save my life, unfortunately, when it's slushier it feels tougher to get that extra rotation because the snow has more give to it. At least that's what my head tells me. But I got a moving kickflip, maybe 2? I don't remember. Then I went to that section where I had a long downhill section of sidewalk to build speed and a natural kicker where it goes flat and then inclines down again, and I skated that for a bit until a dude came over and just... sat like 25 feet away from where that ramp was... I got paranoid and stopped skating it for a bit. Then I saw a smoke cloud come from there. And I'm sure it was just weed smoke, and it was probably some college kid who just couldn't smoke in his apartment and wanted to smoke somewhere chill, so he chose the park at like 9PM alone. I get it, I just... I was really anxious from earlier, and in general, so I just stopped skating that spot. I went over to the 4-stair, landed it at least 3 times. Went back to flat and started trying to get varial flip. I've never had it... perfectly consistent. Like... I've landed a few and I got pretty good at them, but I was never really consistent. There was a point where I could pull out kickflip and heelflip (on the right surfaces, at least) pretty much every try. Less so with heelflip, but still. Varial flip was never at that level. But today, I landed like 3 on flat not moving. I clearly remember a moment where it just clicked and I was like "oh, that's what it feels like!" And it felt as easy as a shuvit and I just popped, flicked, floated and the board just lined up right under my feet. And I came damn close to landing it moving, but I just couldn't stick it. I had to tap out.

What I kinda want to get off my chest - which is a fun way of putting it, once you see what I'm gonna talk about - was something I was freaking out about while skating. When I went to the doctor's office, they told me I have high blood pressure. Like... that's not heart rate, right? Like... pressure is different. And they were going to check it again to see if it was just anxiety, but like... they didn't. So that lack of resolution has just been sticking with me. And I got really anxious about it today. Like, I was getting chest pains and tightness and shit. And I've been getting that a lot from anxiety, so like... if I was having actual heart and pulmonary issues, I probably wouldn't notice, honestly. So I would just get a lot of invasive thoughts about like... exercising too hard, pushing myself too hard and then just fucking passing out and collapsing in the park. Like... I'm old now, or something. And I like... I'm not that old. I keep hearing people around my age, mid-30's, and they keep acting like they're in their fucking 60's or something. It's fucking weird, sorry. Like, my body aches too, guys. My back feels like garbage, my neck and posture are fucked, my hips have decided to secede and are staging regular protests against the rest of my body. I'm tired all the time, when I get hurt it takes a lot more to get me back up, I get tired quicker, shit like that. But I'm not fucking old. The people who consider me old don't consider themselves young and they're like 18. So... I'll consider calling myself old when I get to my mid 50s or something, thanks. But on the pulmonary front, I want to make sure I'm not being too cavalier and overlooking potential health issues that are avoidable, because I do have a history of blood-related issues (clots) and I do not have the best diet. I actually have a pretty poor diet. So... yeah, just wanna make sure that didn't creep up on me, and today was especially bad anxiety-wise in that department.

But, on the plus side, some kids saw me skating from their apartment... and they actually saw me land my first varial flip of the year and fucking cheered! I was listening to music in my headphones so I was just oblivious to the outside world, and they cheered so loud that I could hear them! It made me so happy. I wanted to say something about like... if there are any gods that give a fuck about them, I hope they throw some good stuff their way, but man, it's been a hot minute since I've heard anyone talk about religion publicly and that... feels a bit scary, honestly. Feels like people are just gonna come after you if you're polytheistic in 2023, you know? Weird shit, when we're supposed to be all evolved and progressive and whatever but yeah. I guess... I hope good fortune finds those two young men, for bringing excitement and joy to the heart of this grieving, depressed 36 year old snowskater.

Since I didn't have water, I ate a bunch of snow when I was out, but that wasn't nearly enough and I just came back early. And that was basically my night. I finished the night by polishing another one of those stones and watching another "episode" and a half of the Subnautica VoDs. Now I'm here.

Another cool idea I had, which I shared with my brother because I know he's really into languages... I decided to search Twitch today for streamers who speak French. I took 3 years of French in college, and I surprisingly still understand a lot. I could never speak it, but I can read it okay, just really slow. So I found someone who was playing League of Legends, a game I am pretty familiar with (but haven't played in like... 5 years?) and just... had that going in the background. And I got the Google Translate app thing for Chrome so I can just select a word that I don't know in the chat and it will real-time translate for me. I could follow a surprising amount, considering I haven't studied French since like... 2004. Wow, almost 20 years. Crazy. I'm pretty sure if I keep that up and just periodically try to like... figure out where they are in conversation? I'm sure I'll start picking up more and more. And maybe eventually I'll be able to chime in some short sentences every now and again. Who knows. I thought it was cool, something new to spice things up and to contribute to intellectual/skill development.

I am fucking tired. I need to go to bed. Byeeee.

[snarling-through-our-smiles]

Your friend might not actually be looking for advice on this, so tell them not to read on if you-sorry, they-don't want to hear it.

As someone who's been there, ask yourself if you think he feels the same way and then what you can live with. He's not going to change his mind about you on the basis of the perfect timing of when you bring up you have feelings and might want to persue this. Either he likes you in the same way, or it's complicated, but then that's always going to feel shitty for you, and you need to know for yourself, how much of that you can and want to handle.

If you think there's an okay chance he feels the same way, go tell him, like, what's the worst that can happen?

Obviously, the worst that can happen is that he doesn't feel the same way and now you're out of a casual hookup with someone you really like hooking up with. So, if you're reasonably concerned he doesn't feel the same way about you and if casually hooking up even with some amount of heartache is giving you something, comfort, physical touch, fun, sexual gratificatoin, keep it going and don't say how you feel until it no longer gives you that.

Either way, you don't owe him to find the exact right time and try and make it so he feels about you the way you feel about him, but you can decide to owe it to yourself to mind your feelings but also, you are under no obligation to change something about an arrangement that works for you.

I got to the point where I was in a situation where I was starting to develop feelings but we'd never really discussed what we were doing, so I initiated a conversatoin and though it didn't result in quite what I expected, it did resolve some things and we became more open with each other and more caring and comfortable. So, definitely worth it. Hope this helps. Or not, as I said, ignore this if you aren't actually looking for advice, this anon is rooting for you either way!

thanks for all this advice, ill be sure to pass it along to my friend XD

I don't think i'll fully tell him how i feel, just because I'm moving across the country in a month and a half (he knows this) so there isn't really a point in trying to make it anything more than a nice summer fling. I always knew it was temporary, I guess I just never expected to feel so strongly about him.

But thank you for all this, it has made me feel better <3