#sorry if the readmore doesn’t work im on mobile

[carolmunson]

Ugh I’m obsessed with the twins. Can we get some hc about them? Only if you feel like it ofc!

sure! you guys caught me in a write-y mood today.

violet hcs:

- is actually b!steve’s extra daughter. me and @rustedhearts have talked about this at length, but violet has a lot of anger and buzzy energy and b!steve takes her under his wing and helps her navigate it (she throws a mean punch). they just be understanding each other!

- the twins grow up calling steve ‘Big Steve’

- really likes doing crafts with her mom when she’s little, likes working on something that offers and outcome/has a finish.

- good at math

- starts playing the bass because eddie kept trying to get her to play guitar and she felt like being defiant — is weirdly a genius at the bass.

- brings home a boy when she’s seventeen who has tattoos and wears a leather jacket and smokes camels. when he leaves after dinner eddie just looks at her and goes, “no.”

- likes cooking with her dad when she’s older. they normally make thanksgiving dinner together when they host.

van hcs:

- very gifted artist, started drawing really young and was producing some wild work as young as twelve. neither parent knew where that came from. wayne asks for a painting every christmas and birthday, he has run out of wall space at this point but he still wants more.

- both twins are spoiled rotten by wayne.

- started playing guitar and was really good at it but not passionate about it. asked eddie when he was eleven if he could learn to play the drums instead. van cried for two days before asking because he was afraid he was going to hurt his dads feelings. (Eddie got Gareth to start lessons with him within the hour, he was so excited.)

- steals violet’s lighters all the time and says he doesn’t

- runs the corroded coffin insta/twitter/tiktok with vi

- had a new ‘little girlfriend’ every year in elementary school.

[kyovtani]

how do you put the ‘read more’ thing.

i thought that was an automatic thing, but as a nsfw blog i write a smut that passed 4.5k and it doesn’t have it. And I don’t know how to put it.

on desktop there's a little bar with three dots next to the camera and gif thingie which you just have to click and it appears!

on mobile you just have to to :readmore: and it should work out- i am lit the worst at explaining things like this im sorry💀

[shierak-inavva]

omg happy birthday!!! 🎉🎂🎁🎈 for the request, could you just do any like,, short modern au oneshot for obidala or reylo? im not picky lmao

awww thanks so much!! 💛💛💛💛

i have some reylo stuff coming up for you guys and i got a cute idea from someone on twitter, so here’s this little obidala meet-cute ( and wah i’m on mobile so forgive me for no readmore tumblr hates us mobile users 😭💦 )

“you know, there’s someone else who gets this exact same order,” flora remarks as she hands him his drink, leant over the counter slightly. his regular barista in the mornings that always knows his order—today she’s grinning in her green apron and her flower earrings, holding out his usual summer morning order: grande iced london fog tea latte with an extra tea bag and one packet of brown sugar.

obi-wan blinks, glancing from the latte back to flora.

“the exact same?” from behind her, at the espresso machine, vera nods.

“yep. right down to the packet of brown sugar—do you know her?” she glances up under a raised brow. “i figured you HAD to, since literally no one else i’ve ever had has ordered this particular beverage.” flora laughs, nodding.

“i mean she’s right—do you know her? comes in most mornings around 7am, like yea high, somehow single, brown hair, nice smile, cute beauty mark—“ vera snorts as flora trails off some and obi-wan racks his brain.

“did you get her name?”

“she always says to just write ‘ami’. like...real secretive, i’m into it.” obi-wan chuckles at this and nods, taking a sip of his drink.

“well...maybe i’ll catch her next time.”

•

three days later he’s back, a little after 7am. he’s forgotten all about the mystery tea woman until on his way into the morning line, he hears his name and sees flora behind the counter gesturing hurriedly—but he turns too late and only catches sight of long curling hair and a floral sundress as they walk out the door.

flora and vera both groan and facepalm behind the counter before turning back to finish their orders.

•

this happens on two more occasions. flora mentions the third time that she asked the woman about him, but vera chimes in that no, ‘ami’ didn’t know a ‘probably in his thirties blond dude with a beard and pretty eyes, always wears button downs, somehow still inexplicably single’, but that she said she’d like to if he likes the same tea—and flora shrugs.

“god this is some real ships in the night stuff,” she sighs dreamily, and obi-wan just laughs, even if he’s gone a bit pink.

•

it’s a morning that he’s not in the best of moods and running a little late due to the downpour outside that he pops back in for his usual; but flora and vera aren’t there. luckily he knows jack, who waves and gives him a thumbs up, which obi-wan assumes means he’s got his order coming along.

when he gets to the counter, he pays, and jack’s partner (who obi-wan only knows by face, really) rushes up with a few orders, and doesn’t use names:

“venti iced dirty chai, grande pink drink, tall sweet cream cold brew extra ice, and a grande iced london fog tea latte with an extra tea bag and brown sugar!”

so of course he turns to take his cup, except there’s a small, slender, and perfectly manicured hand that brushes his on the cool plastic.

obi-wan pauses.

the hand, it turns out, belongs to a woman who has to be his ‘tea twin’ as the girls have been calling her—she’s a good head shorter than him, slim and pretty with honey brown eyes and deep brown hair, and he has to admit flora’s right, the beauty mark is cute. another floral outfit today: pink and white flowers on a loose, thin blouse, and a pair of yellow dress pants. she looks like she works in an office.

“i’m sorry i think this is mine,” she says, but she’s looking him up and down in a curious way that makes his face go a little pink.

“no, i’m sorry—i shouldn’t have assumed—“ he shakes his head and she tilts hers just slightly, taking the drink and finally nodding.

“it’s all right, no harm.”

and just like that she walks away, but he doesn’t see her glance back before she’s out the door and into the rain.

•

it’s sunny next time. flora nearly vaults over the counter when she sees him, later in the morning than usual.

“YOU’RE JOKING, THE ONE TIME YOU TWO MEET AND WE WEREN’T EVEN HERE—“ she paddles the counter with her hands eagerly, “i need details,” she says while tapping his order into the computer, “are you in love already, what was she wearing, did she just fall into your arms—“

“ah—“ obi-wan coughs a bit, rubbing his chin, “no, i’m afraid there wasn’t anything like that...”

“jack said you almost took her drink and you two ‘stared longingly for like 30 seconds in front of a lobby full of people like we were in a datenight netflix movie’ but that she left,” vera raises an eyebrow as she slides his drink across the counter, “soooo during all of that did you get her name, or what?” obi-wan clears his throat and takes a deep breath, taking his drink.

“i did not.”

•

it’s raining again.

he’s supposed to have the day off but he’s decided to finish up a little extra work on his personal laptop—which he’s got settled in front of him at a table next to the front windows, along with a blueberry scone and his usual iced tea latte.

starbucks is surprisingly empty, which is fine with him, but that just makes it all the more noticeable when She walks in.

damp curls and a lavender umbrella that she shakes out carefully, and behind the counter flora makes a strangled sort of noise that makes obi-wan look away instinctively.

the woman orders.

he sits at his little table and tries to focus on his laptop screen, internally debating over whether or not he should say something. there’s next to no one else in the dining room and the other three people have headphones on anyways.

he can also see vera trying to get his attention already.

her drink’s almost ready and he’s still fighting himself on ‘is it too weird to walk up to her and say something or not’, and he barely hears them call ‘ami’—and he realizes he’s probably too late in deciding to go for it and hurriedly jolts up out of his seat—only for her to be standing next to his little window table, with her drink in hand and a croissant on a plate.

she smiles, and he swallows, completely blind to the two baristas excitedly leaning over the counter together to watch.

“hi,” she greets pleasantly, and he feels a little frozen just standing there but she continues, “i’m off today, and flora behind the counter has been making a very compelling case that you might be my soulmate based on our drink preferences,” her eyes crinkle and there’s laughter in her voice, but it’s sweet rather than derisive. “i didn’t get to really say much last time, i was running late. but if you have a minute today i thought i would at least meet you properly.” he feels a little stunned by all of this, but finally just smiles, chuckling and nodding.

“flora makes a convincing matchmaker,” he agrees, and gestures to the empty chair. “if you’d like to sit down—i’ve got the day off myself.” she glances at his laptop and then phone, and then back at him.

“i’m not bothering you am i?”

“not at all.” he shuts the laptop and stows it in his bag beside the table before facing her again. she’s set her croissant down and she’s smiling and he takes a little breath and smiles back. “i’m not sure our matchmaker has already told you, but i’m obi-wan kenobi.” he offers a hand, and she takes it, looking very intrigued.

“absolutely not the name i was expecting,” she replies, her smile widening, “i like it. my name is padmé amidala.”

[chowtrolls]

☕ Bru talk about your quads!

(This got long so it’s under a readmore. I am SO sorry Mobile users!)

Oh?? Talk about my quads?? That’s the hill you want to die on fucker?? Sit down and get comfortable ‘cos this shit’s boutta get sappy as hell. I did this once before and im a little unsure what to say now though. I’ll go pitch to pale to Pictor ? Im still flushed for them I just liked the P alliteration goin’ on. 

To start this shitshow, Thunder. Or Crosse, whatever you want to call him. He’s a rotten brat but he’s alright when he wants to be. And when he takes his meds he’s tolerable. I let him experiment and do tattoos on me, he let’s me stab holes through his fins for practice. It’s a mutual agreement. And I guess I help scare away that other fuchsia he doesn’t like. There’s been a few times when Cro bursts through my hive door and just yells “hes back” and hides under the table for a few hours. Whatever floats his boat. 

Toresce isn’t as bad as I say he is. He’s less tolerable than Thunder but he’s not insufferable. I do kind of feel bad for makin’ him rush into a relationship when he wasn’t completely ready but maybe it isn’t a bad thing. Helps him move on. Im glad he came to me when he was scared but it was also difficult. my instincts said to do what I always do but that would’ve been too much for him. Eh. He’s confusing. I love him in a weird pitch way, not quite hate because if I hated him I just wouldn’t fuck with him or let him close but he isn’t exactly on my good side. I’m still prepared to punch the fuck out of him but i’m not making any moves to seriously hurt him. Not that I want to hurt anybody. 

The pale quadrant has always been a weird one. I feel like the lines have always been blurred for me. I get too pale for those in my pitch and red, and I get too red for those in my pale. Or sometimes it’s a little pitch. Idk. I never fit quite in the cookie cutter descriptions of quads. And my pale is weird. Anguil and I have known each other since we were young. Anguil was a lot of firsts for me and continues to be so. Overall, I feel like I could lose the world and as long as he was still by my side, I’d be alright. Did you know we’ve gotten mistaken for red a few times? He’s very kissy, I don’t mind. I like it. Though there’s some dissonance between being smooched on and then electrocuted the next second. I like that I have someone I can be affectionate with. I like having someone I can hold close and be stupid around. He brings out the wriggler part of me, I get stupid and we do dumb things like get really high. Sometimes I flirt a whole bunch and he gets all blue and his fins flutter. It’s cute. He’s cute. He has a piece of my pusher and he knows it well. He has me wrapped around his finger, and he knows that too. 

Abanny is another part of my pusher. I feel the same about her as I do Anguil, in a more mellow way. Anguil feels like…bright, like nostalgia, like wrigglerhood fun and causing mischief. Abanny feels like home. Abanny feels like security, like safety. I feel like I can relax around her. I don’t have to be so….what other’s want, I suppose. I can take a deep breath. And I can trust her. I know she trusts me, she’s told me things I don’t think she’d tell any random stranger. And one of these days, I’ll tell her those things too. Just haven’t found the right time. Until then, I am more than happy just occupying the same space, watching horror movies. She’s very patient, she’s wise beyond her sweeps. She’s starting to learn how to piece together the bullshit I spew. She’s going to be as good as Anguil soon. Its weird dating a fan, of course, I wasn’t too sure of it at first. But I really love Abanny, in a pale way. She’s great. The world could crumble and I’m pretty sure I’d be fine as long as I had her, or Anguil. Preferably both. 

And last but certainly not least, Pictor. Pictor mystifies me in a way. I never could have pictured myself falling for someone like them. Now that sounds bad, hear me out. They’re not assertive, they’re not defiant, they’re anxious and…they’re…real. I hate talking about Bubble. And I don’t want to compare the two since they’re two different trolls. But Bubble was…brash, and aggressive. And I don’t see Pictor as being aggressive Or brash. I guess with Pic I just feel…confident. Secure. I don’t think they’re going to go off on me for making a mistake (which I’ve come to learn wasn’t the right thing for Bubble to do). Thinking about Pictor brings a lot of emotions, but they can easily be summarized as that wrigglerish feeling of a crush. The feeling where your pusher is fluttery and you can’t help but smile and wonder if they’re thinking about you too. But being around them brings a more mellow feeling. I’m not worried about making a mistake, I guess. Frankly I don’t WANT to lose them but I’m not terrified of it. They haven’t give me any reason to worry about that, though. 

I want to see them smile. An accomplished day for me is one where I’ve made Pictor smile in some way. Being with them brings all sorts of ideas for new songs. They’re a work of art within themselves and I could probably go on for a while about the things I like about them. I really enjoy talking to them. 

I enjoy talking to all of them. Even Toresce and Thunder. I’m…really glad I have them all.

[morphogenetic]

okay so its been a few days but i keep Thinking About Shit about pride stuff so here we go. im going to politely request that you dont read this unless you can like it/acknowledge that you read it somehow (unless you’re on mobile and this readmore doesnt work in which case: im sorry) and also d/o/nt rb but if you’re some variety of not-straight and/or not-cis replying to this is totally fine 

also this is long as fuck sorry

im in this very weird place where, although i am not in any way cis or het, i don’t feel like i truly belong at pride. like. obviously i’m trans, i’ve been out and living as trans and nonbinary for literally a third of my fuckin life. it matters to me very much that i’m trans, i have to basically come out over and over for the rest of my life because everyone is going to read me as a dude when they meet me for the first time and that is equally as wrong as when everyone was reading me as a girl before t. or if people look at my id and see the ‘f’ even though i can’t even change it to anything else and don’t even want to bc i have no desire whatsoever to tell the fucking government ‘HEY IM NONBINARY’

like being trans and nb is going to affect the rest of my life literally forever. but i’ve been out so long and since i was so relatively young that i just don’t think about it any more. i have absolutely no desire to even be cis, not like i can be bc that would mean i wasn’t nonbinary and the idea of being a binary gender is so fucking weird to me lmao. but it’s like. it’s obviously not a bad thing to be trans and i specifically am very content with it. being nonbinary and knowing that for sure and being super comfortable in that identity is great! but i also don’t feel like i have any reason to celebrate it because i just am. like it’s the same reason i feel very weird about celebrating birthdays and stuff. i mean my birthday isn’t soon in the slightest lmao but like. yeah cool i’m this age now! neat! i’m fine with telling people im this age and i have no negative feelings about being this age! but i just AM that age now why do i need to celebrate being a year older? it’s like that kinda

theres always the issue of the aroace-spec thing too like. yeah boys (and transmasc/masc-or-androgynous-leaning nb people, not girls lol) are attractive sometimes so i am, technically, gay, but my interest in having a relationship is so fucking low. ive had two crushes in my entire goddamn life! in 21 years! and both of those were on friends bc im also super demi! and otherwise the mere idea of a relationship is like. why the fuck would i want that?? why would anyone else even genuinely want that from me, a fucking average-as-hell-looking, balding-at-fucking-21 person who has literally no fucking ability to even function reasonably as a human being?  

like. even putting aside all the fucking issues that i have with actually having and maintaining close relationships - not even in a dating kind of relationship, i mean literally just trusting people in general let alone as friends  - thanks to the shit that three different former friends of mine pulled. even putting that aside i really don’t think i would ever really want a relationship even if i somehow managed to be even a little bit attractive to someone lol. im just too much of an inherent introvert for that. 

and obviously you can be gay/bi/queer/pan/(insert other not-straight romantic/sexuality orientation im sure im forgetting) and not be in a relationship lol. it’s just. there’s so much fucking pressure ESPECIALLY in the mlm communities that i would theoretically be most in-tune with to be extremely sexual. and obviously that’s not inherently a bad thing at all!! it just doesn’t work for me in the slightest because i have basically no drive for that at all and the only time i ever did was when my body was adjusting to being on t initially. now that i’ve been on it for long enough shit has settled back to where it was for most of my life and yep, still basically no interest in that.

and like. im not gonna pretend that i have it the hardest out of literally any lgbtq person. im incredibly white (some ashkenazi sprinkled in there but like. nobody would ever be able to tell that without me saying it since it’s only a fourth and i have no association at all with any religion let alone being jewish) and able-bodied (to the best of my knowledge lmao) and definitely in a rare space of having extremely well-educated liberal parents who, while not being like millionaires or anything, are able to financially support me and didn’t ever reject me. 

and because of all this im like. i dont belong at pride! it’s not for me! yes im trans but any random person is gonna think im a white cishet dude without me correcting them on pronouns. yeah im white but thats the only part of that that’s true but i still shouldn’t be taking up space that i honestly really do not need. i am happy the community exists and i WANT it to continue to exist and i dont think im gonna make any new cishet friends for the rest of my life but i just dont feel like im ever really going to be a true part of it

i really have no idea how to fully put my feelings about this into words. it’s just like. i am not afraid to be who i am but i dont feel proud of it in the way that i’m proud of like. my accomplishments. like when i graduate im gonna be proud of that! but i can’t be proud of who i am as a person in the same way, regardless of what im actually proud of myself for. i’m not proud of being 21 or having brown eyes or having my height. im not upset about them either but they’re just facts to me! in the same way that me being trans is just a fact about me

and pride is just. that. it’s just being proud of and celebrating your own existence. and im happy for people who can feel pride in existing (for all sorts of minority-related things not just lgbtq+ stuff) and i want people to continue to feel that way because when the world tells people they can’t be proud of who they are that’s shitty! but that’s not me and i don’t think it ever will be me. i realized i was aroace and accepted it in the span of a few days. i found out nonbinary people existed and immediately realized ‘oh that’s me’ within a week without feeling any self-hatred over it. realizing that i was mildly gay and not 100% aroace like i thought took me literally hours to realize and then accept. and i dont know how to express this irl without it seeming like i don’t want pride to exist because I VERY MUCH DO. i just. i never had the struggle in accepting those parts of me to the same extent that so many other people do and it feels wrong for me to be in a space for celebrating making it past that internal struggle when i never had it

[ihavenoside]

Rules for mobile users.

Because I thought I’d done this months ago, under readmore is just my rules that I have on my blog so mobile users have access to them too since tumblr is dumb. Mad respect for anyone stuck on mobile and actively uses it as there rp source because I sure as hell can’t lol.

The mun

The mun and muse are both 21+.

I don’t have anything that needs to be tagged other then NSFW. This regards pictures only, mostly related to smut. If you reblog a lot of shipy pictures and don’t tag it appropriately, I’ll have to unfollow you. I live in a small house, eyes can be on my screen at any given time. Otherwise, I wouldn’t care as much.

Considering the theme of this game, if it’s expected, I’m not likely to tag it. HOWEVER. If it’s related to pictures, like blood. I will tag it (tw: blood) and any darker themed rps will likely fall under readmore. If something does need tagging, please let me know and I’ll do my best to tag it.

Mutuals & Non-Mutuals may message me using the IM system anytime for ooc chat, plot, thread discussion, character and headcanon questions. Don’t be shy, I’m really nice and would love to chat! Chances are I’m more afraid to talk to you then you are to talk to me. With respect, I wish you to reply to any messages I send you at your convenience with reminders a day or two later in case they have been forgotten. In return, I wish for the same respect. Whether we’re active on the dash or not.

Regarding personals, I don’t mind you liking my threads/openers/OOC/IC response or dash commentary but do not reblog them if it is not for the purpose of rping or the rp is not with you. Unless told otherwise, otherwise I’m going to soft block you.

I’m not the greatest when it comes to socializing. Regarding irl there isn’t much for me to say but I do enjoy people coming to talk to me about characters, threads and anything. If we’ve talked/rped for a while, you can ask for my discord but threads will remain on tumblr.

Following

I’m Canon and OC friendly.

Please have a bio and rules page available. It’s much easier to get to know you and your character that way.

I will not follow personals nor will I roleplay with them. There is only one person exempt from this rule. However, personals can send in asks directed at both mun and muse if they like.

Just because I don’t follow you, doesn’t mean I won’t RP with you. I have my reasons for this and in no way reflects poorly on you as a role player. I’d like to rp with everyone but I’d like to keep my dash manageable.

If we’re mutuals, I want to roleplay with you but it’s okay if you don’t want to rp with me. You can tell me no just as I have the right to tell you no.

If you’re a person of the same muse or face claim as me, I’m still willing to rp with you. I’m also willing to roleplay with more than one person of the same character, just sorry in advance if I get you guys mixed up lol. Muns of the same character can yield different results. If you see me rping with a muse you have, I’ll still rp with you too!

Threads

I’m AU/Crossover/Multi-verse friendly.

I like plotting beforehand but random rps are okay too. I have wishlists Here and Here full of idea’s that I’d love to play out. Most idea’s can be interchangeable with muses and oc’s but should be discussed.

I tend to do paragraph rps but I’ll do one-liners and all that. I also use icons from time to time, you never have to match my length or use icons if you don’t want to. As long as you give me something to work with, it’s all good.

Any RP blog can reply to my OPENers, Joke RPs, IC or Dash Commentaries unless it’s stated otherwise (like its mentioned mutuals only). If you see an opener you like and it already has notes on it, you can still reply to it or make a new thread and @ myname in it. With or without my permission.

I’m okay with violent rps, simply be realistic. (Talking to me first is preferable.) If you put my muses life in danger, expect them to fight back.

If you ever send me an ask or vice versa and wish to turn that ask into a thread. By all means do so, with or without my permission. All I ask is that use the @ myname so I can see it.

If I’ve not liked a thread or responded to it in a few days at first, please let me know, I might have missed it.

If I’m rping with you and haven’t replied in a while, remind me. I might have forgotten/lost the thread. If said it’s in drafts, then I’ll get to it. Sometimes I have a hard time, other times because of life I don’t have time too. I like putting 100% into my threads and would rather not half-ass it because I’m tired. I’m also always willing to do more than one thread with you but I can be slow at replying.

If you ever want to drop a thread with me, you can let me know and we can plot out something new when you’re ready. If you don’t want something new, that’s cool too. Rping is made to be fun and if a thread no longer fun then why stress?

My thread tracker can be found in my navigation page. I will do my best to keep it up to date. If you see our thread is missing, let me know, please. If you’ve not responded in 3 months, the thread will be archived but it doesn’t mean you can’t respond to it a year later.

Shipping

I like shipbuilding. I would much rather our characters interact and be friends before starting a ship. I feel slow burns give more content to rp and chemistry is important. I don’t want it to be all fluff either, people disagree and fight but this should never turn into an abusive thing. (Unless we want it that way.)

My level of comfort really varies when it comes to shipping characters. The muns will have had to be in communication for a bit and rules discussed beforehand if we really want to dive into it but in general, while shipping is fun it’s not something I outwardly seek.

I have no problem with your muse expressing romantic feelings towards mine but if I’ve not discussed this, i’m going to turn it down but unrequited love is a thing.

I’m multi-verse / multi-ship. I reserve the right to stop our ship just like you have the right to tell me the same. Things happen, muses don’t work out. It’s cool to stop or try and work it out. I don’t want this to be a stressful thing and would rather the muns remain friends but if that can’t work out. it’s cool too.

I’m pretty open to the idea of shipping him with anyone he has chemistry with but Hank and other Connors. I would also prefer the RK Series to see each other as siblings but it’s not a requirement.

[grammaticalmustaches]

I'd put a read more here if I knew how to do that on mobile but bc I can't I'm sorry but what follows is a long rambly personal that I'm not going to edit or reread or tag! So keep scrolling if u don't want that!

~~~~ pretend readmore ~~~~~

My mom used to be the most important person in my life. Mostly in a bad way, I'd spend days thinking about what she thought and what she felt and what she was going to do. But even then she meant the most to me, just not in a positive way. And most of the time I knew she didn't like me and wasn't thinking about me as much, but I knew I was important to her, in the same way she was important to me.

Since I've moved out we've had three phone calls and exchanged less than ten text messages. That's one phone call for every month I've been out. We used to talk every day. Up until the day i moved out I knew every detail of who she had talked to every day and how she felt about it. I knew everything going on in her life. Yesterday she texted me a picture of my little brother captions '8th grade graduation!' I thought that was next month, I didn't even know it was coming. I don't know what they've done in the last three months. My mom started a new job. My brother graduated 8th grade.

I don't wish we talked more! I'm stressed that this dramatic lack of talking more with snap forward into her calling every day or, god, I was so so careful not to give her my address because im afraid if she had it she would just!!! Come!!!! Just come and move me out, like she did before!!!! Sometimes I park a street away or down the block because I just get Convinced that she's Here and she's gonna see my car and find out where I live!!! It's so fucking irrational and I'm fucking glad we're not talking more!!!!

But!!! She was So Important to me!!! I was So Important to her!!!!

How does a connection like that just stop? How can it just Be There and then just fucking!!! NOT Be There!!!! How did we both just turn off the part of our brains and lives that had been digging their claws and teeth into each other for Years!!! How do you turn off a motherhood??? How do you stop being someone's child???

How can conncetions feel like the only true thing in the world when they're strong!!! How!!! When they can just!!! Vanish!!!

Babies don't have object permanence but they grow out of it. When do we grow into person permanence? When do we start remembering people are still here when they stop being? When do we stop?

How do you let yourself love someone when you know it can just be turned off? Not dramatically, but some day you could just wake up and realize you don't remember the last time you spoke. Or thought about them. Not because something happened, but just because one day one of you decided not to reach out. And you both just. Kept not reaching.

My mom was the last family member I still spoke to. Not because of anything dramatic, we all five were living together, but just because. We stopped one day. I learned my sense of humor from my dad, I wanted to be the kind of man he was when I grew up, I made him sit in front of me every time I went on a playground because I loved the monkey bars but I was afraid of falling and I knew if my dad was there he wouldn't let me fall. How did that go away? That was huge, I was a child and I had such a small world and he was most of it. How does that just drain away?

My family used to joke that my little brother had three parents, mom dad and me, I loved him so fucking much it used to make me cry, I'd just break down thinking about how much I loved this little dude and how important he was to me. He graduated eight grade! I didn't know it was happening! I only hear about him through my mom! I don't know him. Not at all. And he doesn't know me.

I used to think the term 'best friend' was a more serious bond than marriage. I thought it was the strongest bond you could choose to have with someone. I used to regularly try to think of something I wasn't willing to do for my best friend and the only stumpers were 'what if she needed something to survive but was asking me not to and would feel horrible if I did do it?' and even then I was like 'well I certainly hope I'd be strong enough to still do it, even if she started crying.'

There are six people in this world I have called best friend. I have run myself through the list of things I'd be willing to do for them every time. Every one of them I swore to myself and the world and to them that we were the kind of love that grew old together.

I'm only still talking to one.

Its just scary! Terrifying! How can a love that presses so hard for so long not leave more of an imprint!!!

How! Can people! Just Leave your life! As if they weren't there! As if you hadn't been defining and defending and Loving this person! To the point it was a character trait! How can someone shape you without leaving the shape of themselves behind!!!

I'm really scared my best friend is going to start drifting.

Because, I mean, you can lose anything by just not picking it up. And we're both busy and stressed, and our schedules don't overlap well, and we just aren't talking as much. And I can't talk much either but that's the problem!!! I don't want a mutual drift but I can't change it because!!! They need time to do their shit and I need time for mine! So there's mutually no time! Which is the problem!

I feel like I'm being too clingy and, like trying to chain them to me, like I don't want them to be going out and making friends and working on their homework, I want to be their focus and I want them to be saying oh I'm so busy it sucks bc I miss you so much or like, I'm so excited for this to be over and for us to live together

And that's not how I want to be! I don't like or jive with any of that! I spent fucking years at this point Wishing Desperately that I could do anything to help them get out and make friends where they were!!!

I guess it's just with moving out and seeing something I'd defined myself by for so so so many years just vanish and watching my roommates all break up with each other and make plans to move apart after living together for so long I'm just. Extra scared. About how easily we move out of each other's lives. And how scared I am of being left behind.

Idk man :/ sometimes there's just shit that sucks :/

[bi-mirandalawson]

one (1) person expressed interest in my writing so @vamppeach here u go 

if u romance alistair as a city elf, when u get to the alienage and ur cousin mentions ur wedding, alistair is like ‘UR MARRIED?????’ and i laughed but then i got sad and i had to write about them actually talking about it 

if ur on mobile and this readmore doesnt work im sincerely sorry 

"you're married ?!" 

"i was betrothed. i never actually got married." laurel looks at him out of the corner of her eye but does not turn to face him. her voice is flat and firm. she wants very badly for him to drop it.

"what happened?" 

"imagine a storybook wedding - this was the exact opposite of that." she asks shianni another question, cutting off any more prodding from alistair. 

after they've dealt with the slavers and returned everyone there to their homes, she goes to have dinner with her family. she promised to catch up with shianni, and of course her father. and honestly, she's looking forward to being able to put the grey warden stuff aside for a few hours. she thinks about taking along some of her friends. not too many, because she knows her father won't be able to feed too many extras. 

wynne is sure to be a good house guest. shale doesnt eat, so she wouldnt be an extra burden on her father. leliana has such delightful stories, and zevran is certainly charming. but really, she knows she wouldnt bring anyone but alistair. as nice as it would be to introduce her family to her new friends and comrades, she really doesn't want to involve them in her personal affairs. and she really just wants to focus on her family for a night. but alistair is different. he's practically her family already. and she thinks this might be the only chance she gets to introduce him to her family, to her father.

she invites him, as everyone else is preparing to head back to camp. wynne raises her eyebrows and a small smile tugs at her lips but she says nothing. alistair agrees, of course, and there is a look on his face that says that he is taking it very seriously. 

"don't make a big deal out of it," she says. "I didn't want to take everyone, thats all." 

"alright. i can pretend its not a big deal for me to meet your dad, if you want me to." 

they walk in near silence back to her house (her father's house now ? she supposes she doesn't live there anymore). she knocks on the door and shianni opens it a second later, a glass of wine in hand. she kisses both of them on the cheek and ushers them inside. dinner is on the table, and extra chairs have been crammed around. shianni sits between soris and valora. her father is in the kitchen. 

"who did you bring with you, cousin?" shianni asks. laurel introduces alistair to her family as a fellow grey warden and friend. they start in with questions about the grey wardens, and what happened, and how they survived. alistair makes her sound much more heroic than she thinks she really was. she and alistair do most of the talking - their adventures are much nicer to talk about than life in the alienage after she left.

the food is good, and the wine flows, and laurel feels truly at peace for the first time since before her wedding. there isnt anything outside this room, outside of the jokes shared between kin, outside of the flickering warmth of the fire. 

valora decides to turn in, and soris leaves with her. laurel hangs out the doorway for a moment, watching them walk down the street hand in hand. when she comes back in, her father is draping a blanket over shianni, asleep on the couch.  

"alistair, will you give me a moment with my daughter please ?" alistair nods and awkwardly stands up, almost knocking the chair over. he steps outside and laurel takes her seat at the table. her father sits beside her and takes her hand in his. 

"is that ring .. ?" the question hangs in the air. 

"It fell out of nelaros' pocket. i've worn it as sort of.. remembrance." she examines the small ring. it is a simple band, with delicate vines carved around it, and it glows in the fire light. it doesnt hurt to look at anymore. "i mostly just didn't know what to do with it. it felt too.. important to sell, or give away. he worked so hard on it." 

"let me have it, laurel. i will keep it safe. you do not need to carry that burden any more." his voice is gentle, as is his thumb rubbing her knuckles.

"it is not a burden, father." she is almost defensive. "it's a part of my past, and i will carry it with me whether or not i have this ring." 

cyrion sighs quietly. she is so stubborn, so strong. but she has to let herself bend or she will break. she doesn't need to carry all her suffering with her for it to have meant something. 

"this boy, alistair," he says, "he is special to you?" 

"more than anyone else." he squeezes her hand and she squeezes back. 

"you do not need to bring these ghosts, these what-ifs in to that. you deserve a fresh start, my child." laurel can feel herself start to cry and she wipes her tears away with her free hand. he pulls her in close and she lets a few more tears fall on to his shoulder. 

she presses the ring in to his palm, and he slips it in to his breast pocket. he says he will put it on the family shrine next to her mother's ashes. she says she would like that, and she thinks her mother would too. he presents her with her mother's dagger, and she slides it in to her belt, like it was always meant to be there. she almost starts crying again. she calls alistair back inside, and cyrion says that the night air has surely cleared the wine from his head, so he should be able to walk laurel home. alistair says yes of course he will make sure she is safe, and the way he looks at her makes cyrion believe him. he gives them both a hug, a surprise to alistair, and tells them not to be strangers, to come by whenever they want. 

the night air is cool against laurel's warm cheeks, and she is still smiling. she looks up, and tries to remember the constellations her father taught her as a child. she points a couple out to alistair, making up whatever she can't remember of the stories that go with them. he calls her out on her bullshit and they go back and forth until they're both laughing. they fall in to pleasant silence, and he loosely laces his fingers through hers. she sighs. 

"I should tell you about my almost-wedding." 

"you don't have to. i know you don't want to," he says quietly, ever the gentleman. 

"but you're curious, and you'll never stop wondering until i tell you about it, so i might as well get it over with." 

she tells him, and he listens. he doesn't make one sideways quip or witty remark. he doesn't say anything at all, actually. she tells the story at her own pace, with his only contribution being his thumb rubbing on her hand. she tells him everything. her own feelings of fear and inadequacy. the ring she found on nelaros. how good it felt to end vaughan's life, to see him bleeding out at her feet and to know that she had done it. the hopelessness as she realized that if it wasnt vaughan, it would be someone else, and next time she wouldn't be there to protect anyone. 

"do you think about what your life would be like if it hadn't happened like that?" he is genuinely curious, and she doesnt get mad because they have talked about alistair's what-if lives. 

"not anymore. i did a lot at first. at ostagar, it was practically all i thought about, in between trying to stay alive. 'i shouldn't be here,' i thought, 'i should be in the alienage, getting to know my husband.' by the time we got to lothering though, i didn't do it as much. i had other things to worry about."

there is a moment of quiet, and then he asks if she was alright. 

"no. i don't think anyone can go through that and be alright." she is blunt, and she hopes she doesnt make him feel stupid for asking. she knows he was just being kind. "but i survived, so i will be. some day." 

"thank you for trusting me with that," he says, and squeezes her hand. 

"you can't. start treating me like i need to be protected. or like im soft. because of what happened to me. i know how it goes, especially with women. if there's a tragedy in your past, you're fragile. please dont.. think of me any differently." alistair stops walking and turns to face her. 

"i would never." he takes her other hand. "you're so strong, and have been since i met you. even before that, obviously." she gives him a small smile and he takes her face gently and kisses her. 

"was it really no big deal that i met your father ? since we're..." 

"maybe. i think it might have been to him." she looks at him out of the corner of her eyes and he's watching her. "i didn't want to be like 'dad this is alistair, my human lover' but i think he knew that we're not just friends. i just didn't want you to make a big deal out of it, or think you had to impress him or something." 

"what, you think i wouldn't impress him? i impressed you, didn't i ?" he nudges her with his elbow. 

"hardly. we both know i was the one making you swoon." she laughs, and she is glad that he is so good at making her feel light. even though they had such heavy conversation earlier, his smile and his jokes and his hand laced with hers makes her feel like she is standing in the sun on the first warm day of the year.

[butchyena]

heres A Post about what ive been obsessing over lately to distract myself. a bioactive terrarium for anole lizards. sorry for mobile users if this doesnt show up under a readmore. im linking where i got all the information and the products id want to use in case anyone gives a shit enough to look. at the end ill estimate the total cost of the project. not to be That Bitch but lms if you read 

this is the tank i want to use. we bought it for $10 at a garage sale and we’re 99% sure the previous owner was using it for parakeets- we found down feathers stuck around the inside when we cleaned it. you cant see it in the pic but its got a screen top, and its a lot deeper than it is wide. before i do anything i want to re-silicone and refix the glass to the wooden frame. i showed to tank to my dad when he visited and he told me the wood looked water treated, but i still plan on applying a thin layer of silicone to create a seal, since the inside of the tank is going to be misted at least once a day. 99% of this build is inspired by this series of tutorials- he said he’s coming out with new ones soon and im really excited!

for a bioactive tank, there needs to be at least 6 inches of substrate/drainage, but the tank doesn’t have anything to keep soil in. first i want to place an acrylic sheet inside to hold in the substrate. for extra protection against moisture, the bottom will be lined with pond/pool liner. at the absolute bottom of the acrylic sheet, it needs a small sealed hole so i can drain any excess water that has accumulated in the drainage layer. if i cant find a suitable 2-way flow, ll use the PVC pipe method outlined in the tutorial’s false-bottom part 3B.

 ideally the soil would be separated by a fiberglass screen, but since im not making 6 of these things, reptile keepers recommend these and apparently they work fine. the mesh is just to keep the soil from falling into the drainage layer and getting all moldy in the reservoir of water. its also to help protect the clean up crew of bugaboos from drowning too. 

the background is gonna be a sheet of styrofoam, with carved pieces of styrofoam sheet layered to give it more depth. covering the whole thing in coco fiber sheet will not only make it look more natural but will also provide a surface for the plants and lizards to climb. i was worried about finding plants that can tolerate the temperate climate and mid-to-high humidity the anole need, but literally heres a page titled plants for anoles. anole also need uva/uvb light to remain healthy, so a strong plant light should be perfect at emulating their florida environment. also, due to the high humidity, using a grow light- typically waterproof with the expectation of water in the air- should be much safer than using a heat lamp, which usually advise against too much exposure to moisture.

 using an under tank heater (which very very few reptile keeper recommend using on the bottom anymore- its much safer to place it on the side as moisture on the heated glass can cause it to crack/shatter) on the side will hopefully provide a suitable temperature gradient, thought im not sure if ill try putting it towards the bottom or top first, but since ill be waiting 3 months after planting to put animals in (sans the cleanup crew) that gives me time to check the daily temps and find what works best. at night, a lightless ceramic bulb should do, since there will be less humidity rising at night (i may still get a mesh cover for it for a little added protection) and reptile nightlights are bad bad bad. also, anole cant climb glass, so theres little danger of them hurting themselves on the glass with the uth. ill keep the climbing decorations (driftwood, faux vines, a rock!) away from the hot spot so they dont overheat. 

so all told the estimation is around $145, not including thrifting some tools, hides for lizards,a water bowl, the plants bought locally from a nursery, substrate, along with some other small things, which i’d give another generous $70 to. which honestly for a project like this aint bad, the biggest cost usually being the tank itself. anole are $10 apiece, and a 45 should home 4 comfortably (thought i may start with 3 just to see how they settle). 

but there it is, the thing im thinking about all the damn time. 

[jinwoowoohoo]

Astro in DC~

Hello! I’m here to give you my complete fanmeet experience to the best of my abilities~ I’m going to preface this by saying I’d been feeling ill the past few days, so it took a lot of my willpower just to keep myself standing for a fair chunk of the show…. Which means 1) my memory is a bit fuzzy and 2) I just did not have the brainpower to focus on every member, so this is a very Jinwoo-biased fan account (not that any of you should be surprised tbh).

P.S. I’m sorry I wrote a literal novel;;; this is largely to help me remember it all both now and in the future, but I also wanted to share!

(rip mobile users someone please teach how to actually make readmores work on mobile edit: never mind my iPad did the thing! Bless)

The Beginning:

The girl who did the cover dance absolutely rocked it, and the crowd had no problem hyping her up - she performed Again and we were fanchanting and everything~ And then when she finished the lights dimmed, she left the stage, and we all waited very anxiously for the real show to begin.

Now. I knew going in that Jinjin would be the first on stage with his dance solo, but that did not stop him from still completely taking my breath away (like I actually gasped and put my hand on my chest/over my mouth). It was the moment of realization that he’s real! And really here!! And he’s doing his thing!!! Like I’m still processing the feeling of seeing him in real 3D space, seeing his body as a real human body, with depth and warmth, not just a flat image (I hope that doesn’t sound weird??). And man did he kill that solo. I always love when he gets a chance to bust out his house dance skills 💕 (I should actually check cams from the other shows to see if he was doing a set choreo or going freestyle 👀). And then, of course the Rocko man himself came out, and proceeded to just destroy us all (and booooy was the crowd Rocky biased - the screams for him were REAL yall).

Once that section was done the rest of the boys came out and!! Myungjun was in just a black tshirt and jeans!!! How dare he attack me so soon into the show!!! 

They performed Again which was stellar as always, and then they segwayed into Baby. And things got LIT. Their demeanor changed, the crowd energy changed, it was just. Exactly the mood you’d expect from Baby~ The boys got really smiley and just looked like they were so happy! Just rainbows and sparkles all around haha

After baby finished they did their intros! Jinjin went first and of course intro’d himself as the leader and main visual. Eunwoo said a good bit in English but so help me if I remember any of it 😰 Moonbin gave his whole intro in English too! And you can seriously tell how hard he worked to be able to do so!! Like he really said a lot and you could tell he was thinking carefully as he was talking, I was so proud of him :’) He’s adorable, his voice is adorable, hearing him say ‘puppycat’ is deadly 😂 Mj introduced himself as the happy virus, and I unfortunately don’t remember the rest of his or Socky’s intros :( After intros, the staff brought out chairs and they sat down for q&a time!

Q&A:

If you had drawn a line directly from my seat to the stage, that’s where Jinwoo was sitting :“”“”“”) So basically I had the perfect view of him (even if I was like 12 rows back). I cant remember everything that was asked/said (im sure there are 100 fancams anyway) but some highlights include:

♥ The first question was who pays for meals the most, and they did the 3-2-1-point thing; everyone pointed to Jinjin. Then they said some stuff I couldn’t hear/catch, but it ended with Jinwoo saying something (in English!) about no longer having access to his mom’s card 😂😂

♥ Someone asking Bin his workout routine, and him genuinely telling us lmaoo And every time he would name an activity (running, weights, etc) Jinwoo would be in his chair just miming it out like a NERD 😂 (Jinwoo was just generally very animated and interactive, and he was smiling soooo muuuuuch you could just tell he was in a good mood!!)

♥ Someone asked what the members needed to have when traveling. Rocky said mask pack, Jinwoo said Arohas love 😑, I didn’t catch what Eunwoo said??, I think Bin also said Arohas love, MJ said contacts and something else genuine, and Sanha said?? He brought Jinjin??? And Jinwoo was just like ???????????????? What are you talking about 😂😂

♥ Someone asked who’s the best cook/who cooks the most and what do they make. Immediately Sanha just goes “not me!” and everyone laughs. They said they really don’t cook much at home, but Bin likes to cook and wants to make food for the upcoming birthdays! :’)

After the q&a they introduced/moved into Run which, again, Jinwoo’s position was DIRECTLY in line with my seat for a lot of the song; I was #blessed. Also at the very beginning when they were passing the mic down the line, Eunwoo teased Sanha and almost didn’t give him the mic in time - the baby got a little flustered 😝 (P.S. Sanha is the most adorable and pure being on this earth, and I’m pretty sure his giggle could cure cancer. I still can’t believe I got to hear it in person.)

So Run was good, the crowd def didn’t know the lyrics as well as the other songs but the spirit was still there! And then then segwayed into Crazy Sexy Cool and for some??  reason??? I have very little memory of it…. I do remember the fanchants being STRONG though, esp for rapline haha

After that I think they took a short break while the MC did his thing, then they brought the boys back out for gaaaaame tiiiiiiime 😀😀

Game Time:

The first game was the mystery box one, and the members were divided by staff into Hyung line vs Maknae line. The grandpas being on the same team were, of course, being goofy and extra af lmao (And Eunwoo just stood there laughing as usual). They r/p/scissored to see which team would go first - it was Jinwoo vs Rocky, and Jinwoo decided to be Extra™ and do it by turning away from Rocko and sticking his arm out behind him. Rocky won, and I’m like 99% sure he totally cheated and waited a split second for Jinjin to throw his hand before showing his own….

But either way, Maknae team won so they made Hyung team go first. Before they brought out the box there was some hyping/smack talk~ Eunwoo said (approximately) in English “Just one thing: we win >:)” and then our precious child Sanha goes, also in English (approximately) “Just one thing: You lose!” It was seriously the cutest ah my heart 💖 So they brought out the box, and the thing they had to guess was…. Raw egg 😫😫 Maknae team peeked at what they’d have to guess and omg their reactions 😂😂 They were thoroughly grossed out and excited for the other team to suffer lmaoo

So Jinjin went first, and he took off his jacket and rolled up one shirt sleeve and he;;;; has a very nice forearm;;;;; You should find fancams for their reactions tbh bc there’s no way I could do them justice, but watching Jinwoo’s face distort in discomfort and hearing him let out a small scream was sure something 😂😂 Because it was raw egg it was suuuper wet and drippy and gross and you could seeee it dripping off his fingers when he took his hand out of the box 😣😝 (the staff had towels at the ready, don’t worry). He removed his hand from the box, wiped it off a bit, and then smelled his fingers and as soon as he did that we was like “…aaaaaaaaah 😈😈” so he probably figured it out right away. Mj was next and of course he had to be a little extra when putting his hand in, walking his fingers around the opening a bit before diving in. And then as soon as he touched it he just full on screamed 😂😂 And he kept screaming and making weird noises for a bit, then he got a little used to it and was like “ooooh 😳” I can’t remember anything he might have done after that 😩 Eunwoo went third and was def the most anxious. He stuck his hand in and I can’t remember if he even touched it or not before he freaked and pulled his hand back out 😂 Again that’s really all I can remember from him 😢 Then they had 15 seconds to collude as a team and settle on their answer, and they guessed it right!! Also once the crowd heard what it was they had touched we were all just like “eeeeww oh noooooooo!! DD: ” And then. And then the Extra Bros™ Myungjin start acting like chickens =w=;;;; There were fair amounts of butt wiggling. (MJ started it of course).

So! They guessed right! Which meant if Maknae line couldn’t get theirs then they would have to do a punishment. So. The staff brought out the next item, which was white and round and squishy. Hyung line snuck a peek and they were just standing there poking it 😂😂 And then freaking troll Eunwoo said to the other team “guys be careful! Its moving! Its alive!!!” And Myungjin went along with him on it lmao Maknae line didn’t really know what to make make of them lol

Rocky went first, and he really Did Not want to stick his hand in there - you could just see the classic suffering smile on his face. He definitely yelled several times when touching it (not a scream, but a very Rocky yell haha) Once he was done he seemed to have an idea what it was, and started whispering in Bins ear. Sanha went second and he was… well…. Sanha lol Very squirmy, very screamy. Bin went last (I think, he and Sanha might be switched aaah I’m so sorry), and I don’t really remember Bins reaction while his hand was in the box at all. I do know that he was like full-on squeezing the thing and the MC was losin it at him, and after he took his hand out he sniffed his hand and then licked it =w=;;;;; and all of us were just like Bin no!!!! Then he went back and there was more Moonrock ear whispering.

Once all 3 went they had their 15 seconds to decide, and I didn’t understand what the answer they gave was (it was hard to hear Rocky and the MC didn’t repeat what he said for us) buuuuuuuut it was wrong! The right answer was a ball of mozzarella cheese~~ Hyung line of course started taunting them for losing (mostly led by Jinwoo) and even got the whole crowd involved 😂😂 And thus the losing team was introduced to their punishment: they had to spell their names. With their butts. Sexily. (And I was like you’re going to make the Maknaes do what?????). So Bin went first and he pretty much died of embarrassment one letter in, but he powered through! Rocko was next and he was also internally dying (and externally yelling 😂) but the dancer part of him took over and booooy does he have balance and body control. I’m pretty sure after he was done he ran and hugged Bin to deal with his embarrassment and the crowd LOVED that 😂 Sanha went last and the MC had to torture him!! And make him do his full name!! 😭😭 Of course it was more awkwardly cute than sexy, and him saying the letters as he went was unbearably adorable. (I honestly covered my eyes/turned away to laugh/cringe for most of the punishments =w=)

The next game was guessing the song based on choreo. They split up into teams by randomly selecting colored papers and somehow!! Binu still managed to be a team!! How many times has this happened now????? The other teams were JinHa and RaMyung. They were deciding who should go first and Bin said the “maknae” team should go first (referring to RaMyung) and literally everyone was just like what are you on about????? 😂😂 Fake Maknae MJ strikes again! They r/p/scissored for team order again and I’m like 80% sure Rocko cheated again 👀👀👀 But either way the order ended up as Binu, RaMyung, JinHa. Binu actually did really well!!! with Bin dancing and Eunwoo guessing, but I have to shame Woo for not getting Sistar’s Shake It like boy come on! I think they got 6+ right? RaMyung were…. less successful, but it was honestly more on Rocky??? I think he just like panicked and couldn’t straighten out in his brain what he should actually be doing with his body, then the ones he did actually do the dance to MJ was pretty hit or miss 😂 But they still got a few!! Aaaand then came JinHa… For some reason they decided Sanha should do the dancing, and well…. He passed like every other one, and I don’t think Jinwoo was able to guess a single one 😂 It was just a lot of panic and failure lmaoo So needless to say their team came dead last.

It was decided both losing teams had to do punishment, and that punishment was 40 pushups per team. However the MC said they could divide that any way they wanted, for example Sanha could do 1 and Jinjin 39. JinHa team went first, and Sanha volunteered to do his share first. And the kid got down, wiggled into position, did 1 pushup, and stood back up like “all done!” 😂😂 We got to witness Jinwoo’s legendary ‘possibly contemplating murder rn’ face 😂😂 But then Sanha got back down - and as he was going of course Jinwoo was starting to take his jacket off to prepare for his half but then we reached 20… And 21… And 22… And Sanha kept going all the way to 40! So Jinwoo didn’t have to do anything, and he seemed really pleased :) and was like *shrugs* alright then and put his jacket back on. Mj went first for RaMyung team and bless his heart he did the whole 40 too so Rocky didn’t have to.

The final game was random play dance and there wasn’t much to it really, they just ran through the point parts of 2 other group songs (BTS Dope and Apink No No No). They all did fine for BTS of course, but Binnie KILLED it with Apink lmao to the point where the rest of the members kinda stopped and just let him shine. The final song was one from Dream Part 01 but I cannot for the life of me remember which one it was 😩 I want to say Dream Night or Dreams Come True?? (Watch it be neither akdbsj)

And that was the end of game time! I think they maybe took another quick break, but maybe not idk;;; and then we segwayed into Breathless!

And boy let me tell you, Aroha get PUMPED for Breathless. Confession too tbh, like I don’t remember much from CSC but I definitely remember people just going hardcore with love for these songs haha And I’m pretty sure the boys could feel the passion for them too~ Also during Breathless when Moonrock have their dance bit and then it switches to a rapline dance bit, Jinwoo’s shirt came up a little bit and idk why that suddenly affected me so much but I literally like gasped said “oh my god” out loud 😳

They then moved into the final ment, which worried me at first as I thought maybe we had to skip You & Me due to time or something, but nope they just did the ment first!

Final Ment:

I don’t really remember much of what they said, but I do know Eunwoo said that when he was younger DC was one of the cities he dreamed of visiting, and that it was a beautiful place~ And I think it was MJ(??) who said DC Aroha are the best of the 3 shows so far of course~ 😂😂 Omg and Rocky, when he was in the middle of his ment (I think that’s when this happened anyway aksbaj my awful memory) he just stops like mid-thought and goes “I can’t see” and does the most epic hair flip to get the hair out of his eyes, then just stands there for like 10 seconds basking in his new-found vision. It was so majestic and unexpected I doubled over laughing 😂😂😂 They also said they know it’s hard for us to see them and they were grateful to us for waiting for them, and they would be waiting for us in Korea as well~

For You & Me they first asked if everyone knew the choreo, and enough people said yes that the were like “alright then, show us what you got!” and the music for the chorus played and we all did our darn best to remember the choreo (I failed, I didn’t refresh my memory beforehand and couldn’t remember it well enough =w=;;;) They seemed genuinely impressed by how we did overall though! After that they had Sanha teach us how it goes cutely, and yeah, it’s exactly what you’d expect from that sentence 😂 Once everyone had learned from Captain Sanha and practiced a couple times, they started the song for real! And I already posted about it, but it really is softest, warmest, sweetest experience. To have everyone in the crowd doing choreo and interacting with their neighbors whether they knew them or not it just, i don’t even know how to describe it, it’s just nice?? And lots of people were giggling and smiling, including my right-side partner, which was so fun to turn to each time 💕💕 I definitely got a little emotional during it (but I didn’t cry! Go me!) Edit: Also I forgot but when Jinwoo started to move to the front to do his rap, MJ pushed him out of the way and did it instead! Jinwoo was hyping him up and laughing his butt off 😂😂 And MJ genuinely did really well

 After Y&M they gave their official goodbye and left the stage, and almost immediately the crowd started chanting “encore!” and as expected, after a bit they came back out~

Encore:

Our encore was I’ll Be There and they were throwing out bags of gummy bears. Also for the encore a TON of people rushed the stage, including like everyone to the front and right of me. Soooooooo~ When Jinwoo threw some into our area, there was nobody but me to retrieve it :’) (I maaay have accidentally body slammed the seat in front of me trying to catch it 😅) In my wildest dreams he threw it to me on purpose, but in reality he never actually looked at me so I doubt it (it’s nice to have dreams though 😂) Some people who were up at the stage got some great footage of Jinwoo getting right up into their camera’s business so I look forward to seeing those 👀👀

Once they ran out of candy and the song ended it was officially time for them to say goodbye 😢 They gave their last “Wanna be your ☆” and took a bow, then headed backstage to chill until perks began!

Hi-Touch:

The staff decided to do hi touch first, and since I had both perks it took me a hot minute to realize I needed to get in line too (since I was sitting in P1 and nobody around me was moving lol) The girls I was in line with were very cute and nice - one of them was newer to the boys so she had a hard time telling Myungjin apart haha We tried to help her get them straight~ The line moved really quickly and when it was my turn my brain switched to auto pilot……

Jinwoo was first bc apparently the universe likes to see me Suffer. I don’t even remember what he looked like, all I remember is him seeing my shirt and saying “aaaah, slow~  😉” and all I could get out was a “yes!” 😂😵😵😭😭 Sanha was next in line but my brain was so busy processing the first interaction I have absolutely 0 memory of him, if I even managed to hi five him at all akdbaj like I completely just blacked out for a few seconds. Eunwoo was third and I regained myself enough to actually start looking at their faces, but I still couldn’t make my own sentences, so instead I started parroting what I was hearing from the members which was “thank you” - which is a fine thing to say and I wholly meant it, but I do wish I could have said a bit more… Bin was third and I also Do Not remember him, like, at all 😣 I’m so disappointed, he deserves better. But then came Rocky. There really must be something just inexplicably striking about Rocky, because I remember him pretty damn clearly all things considered! He had his big Rocko smile and it was strikingly beautiful 😪 Finally was MJ and I remember seeing him and thinking “I have to make sure he knows I genuinely love and support him!!” So I looked really hard at his face, but my brain was still *static noises* so all I could say was thank you :“) I tried to really sincerely say it and show him with my eyes that I meant it though!! And then it was over, and I took a big ole breath as I made my way down off the stage and back to my seat. And thus began the waiting for group pic. (The girl I had been sitting next to laughed when I came back 😂😂

Group Photo:

The line for P2 was pretty much a free for all, but the line for P1 was specifically done row by row. I was at the back of Orchestra Center, so I wasn’t first by any means but I was probably in the first 1/3. The setup was there were 8 chairs, and the boys stood behind the chairs. They were all doing different poses and switching it up for each pic while I was waiting in line (I’ve been told staff made them stop later on which is dumb af if you ask me like people are supposed??? To pose for pics??? Also have you met Astro aksbaj but ANYWAY).

Jinwoo was last this time, which meant if I wanted to be in front of him I had to be #1 in the group of 8. Well, they counted us, and I was #7. The girl behind me was 8, and her friend ended up being #1 of the next batch. The two clearly wanted to go together, and I wanted the #1 spot, so when staff wasn’t looking we quickly switched! And I got to sit directly in front of him!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! And he of course remembered me from when I did the hi touch like ~10 minutes ago lol I made sure to look at all the members again as I was walking up, esp Sanha since I missed him the first time! And again I’ve got Nothing on Bin (rip 😢), but Rocky’s smile seared itself into my psyche yet again 😂 When I finally walked up to Jinwoo I said “I get to sit by you! :DD” and he was like “yeah!” We sat down (god I wish I had actually clearly looked at his face, I have no memory of it from either interaction 😢😢😢) and I kinda tried to do a hand heart with him but he had other plans and was like “let’s do this instead!” (retrospectively I think maybe the girl behind me was also a Jinwoo stan so he wanted to do something with us both). So he LEANED DOWN BETWEEN US SO HIS FACE WAS SEVERAL INCHES FROM OUR EARS and made finger hearts for the first pics, then he said “cheeeeese!” (or it sounded like that to me anyway) and switched to peace signs for the second. I honestly have no idea what my face was doing the whole time soooo the pics could be fun >w>;; (I WAS JUST FOCUSED ON THE FACT I COULD FEEL HIS PRESENCE/BODY HEAT HOVERING OVER MY SHOULDER AND HIS HANDS WERE RIGHT NEXT TO MINE AKSHAJ). And then we were done! And I think I turned and smiled at him one last time as I was heading off the stage, and I think he smiled back, but who knows!! Certainly not me!!!

And that was that.

I went out into the theater hallway and just….existed for a bit (and yelled into all my chats lol) and more than one fan came out hysterically sobbing :( I think it was a mixture of happy and sad tears, like some people overwhelmed with happiness and others crying cuz they didn’t get the place in line they wanted.

All in all it was an amazing night, and completely worth being absolutely nuts and dropping everything to fly literally halfway across the country to attend. 100/10 would give all my money to these boys again (I mean they already own my heart and wallet anyway)

Also I didn’t know where to fit these tidbits in, but the members overall:

Jinjin - I mentioned it already but he was just a goofy happy boy! So many smiles, so many silly actions. I didn’t think I could love him even more and yet :”)

MJ - He sunshined a number of times but overall seemed really tired, which is COMPLETELY understandable (I really feel like he’s an introvert, and I can imagine how draining an international tour would be) and I just hope he’s feeling ok and was able to enjoy himself!! 😣

Rocky - He was also quite lively and just giving fanservice left and right! I didn’t watch him too much but even then I could see him waving and throwing hearts and smiles to people 💕

Eunwoo - I really didn’t watch him at all but I’ve been told he was also giving out just tons of personal fanservice~

Sanha - My favorite son, he just had us all cooing and giggling the whole night. He really did seem to be in good spirits!

Moonbin - I’m sorry Bin stans….. I’m sorry Bin….. I don’t know why my brain just decided to completely block him out but 😢😢😢 I barely remember anything he said/did besides what I already talked about. His muscles were probably too powerful 😣😣

[thetiniestcicada]

HI im stuck on mobile all day long so this is how im gonna answer some asks today whoops!!! Okay okay so

@mccree anon: U COME INTO MY ASKBOX WITH THE RELATABLE CONTENT B,,))) im so sorry u havent been lucky so far but i promise that for each hanzo that shoots u in the face theres at least one (me) hanzo (me) out there desperately waiting to say hi back (ME) with the enemy mccree,, godspeed my gay

@straight2space THANK U SO MUCH I’M SO GLAD :,,)) DnD has just been such an amazing creative outlet tbh like??? it offers such a good starting base but also allows to create without restricting it too much and idk im just reALLY passionate about fantasy in general so its just!!! So fucking great for this the options are endless!!! & like boy i feel re:CR,,, like just to listen to podcasts ive Gotta be doing something that doesn’t involve thinking (like washing dishes!!) or else i get restless & my attention span goes right out the window & ill completely lose track of whats going on so to add a visual element on top of that is a whole new challenge B,)) im sure its so worth the effort tho aahh ill def try eventually!!!!!

@dnd anon i have actually!! Im not sure which dnd post you saw but ill add the link to the one i made at the end (i cant link it fancy on mobile rip); maybe if thats the one u saw mobile just butchered it and took out the readmore bc thats what it does on my phone? If thats what happened id recommend opening ur internet browser and just copy-pasting the link in there; it should technically give u the full post!! If it doesn’t u can try requesting the desktop version and if it still doesnt work just hmu i can post it again O: let me know if this isnt what you meant though!!

http://thetiniestcicada.tumblr.com/post/162649650836/i-may-be-mistaken-but-did-you-say-you-play-dnd

@symmetra anon NIIICE im so glad!!!!! I love her so fuckin much hell yeah hell yeah welcome to the club B)))

[tvranny]

mental shit and self-analysis venting below the readmore. sorry mobile people hgfhfgfg. ask me to tag if need be

i just dont get myself sometimes. it’s like im not even a person im just a combination of mis-matched traits that when put together never would equal a character, only a concept. i dont feel like anything. or maybe it’s otherwise, that i feel like a character. i always have the tendency to look down upon myself as a character in a story, not in a dramatic, story-telling way but an overly-calculated way. not in that i’m acting or i’m fake or everything i say or do is fabricated, just... calculated. that’s so edgy sounding but like.

i never really thought about it in such a way like this but it would also explain why one of the titular OCs i project on (estryon) is so overly observant and...... there. slow and calculating. when i put it like that i seem like such an anime trope but i dont mean it to be like that, i just mean... i never think myself to be too observant and quick to point things out and solve things, i’m actually quite slow in that matter, so when that trait emerged as one of his major personality traits i was a bit “hm. that’s new. i’ll work with it” but it’s all turned out to be less “this is a man who is so slow in exploring and looking around because he’s noting every little aspect of every little thing” and more of a “this man is scripted and calculated in every interaction he has because he knows no other way of doing it”. (although he isn’t particularly. NOT the former) see, i hate using the word scripted, because it implies i’m acting when i say im grateful or thankful or happy, i’m not; when i say thanks i DO mean thanks, when i say i appreciate it i DO appreciate it, everything i say is how i feel IS how i feel, but it’s just. 

“so cassius are you just saying you are so socially anxious/reserved that you particularly think before you speak” yeah. yeah that’s it. that’s literally it god im such an idiot

i dont like analyzing myself like this because when it comes time for actual social interaction and engagement i dont really act too off, just very socially... inept,  and really that’s all i am. just very awfully so. maybe to the point of mental illness, maybe not. who knows. i dont even know who i am, really. and the years of deconstructing myself and forming myself around john wilkes booth and his own interpreted personality that we don’t even have a 100% understanding of at an age where i was already extremely impressionable doesn’t help at all. i dont know who i am at all, i feel like i dont have a personality, if you asked me to describe myself with five traits i can never do that because it’s like when i think of what i’m about to do i view it as if i’m looking from above at a character i’m controlling. it’s all so invading. 

[lunaereum]

long vent / i’m on mobile so i apologize in advance for the lack of a readmore

i’m starting to hate being 21. everybody says that turning 18 is when you start to become an adult, which is true, sure, in legal terms. but no one warns you about the slap of adulthood that happens when you enter your 21st year of life. woo there’s legal drinking and legal weed, ok, whatever. but what im starting to realize that this age is when you start to really think about life and reflect on the good and the bad. it’s the beginning of growing up. and it fucking sucks. i’ve only been 21 for just over a month and i’ve already had a lot of internal crisises. (how tf do you spell that) and it’s been scary. i hate it. every single night i’m alone and trapped with my thoughts that won’t shut up. and being mentally ill doesn’t help at all. not to mention trump being president making things worse, but that’s for a later conversation. being 21, i’ve started to reflect on life - mostly looking back at relationships, friendships, life events, etc. and there’s patterns. you don’t realize it at first. but then you think, and you think, and you fucking THINK so hard that your head hurts, and start to compare and contrast.

i’ve put so much false hope into so many people. thinking they would stay and that i’d have an okay support system. but literally everyone has left. left, because they decided that i wasn’t worth their time anymore, and found someone new. my first best friend did it, then the next, then my ex, and the next ex, and the friends after that, and fucking everyone, okay. i feel like i tried to fight so hard for a lot of those people to stay, but they just had to leave. i was old news. one of my exes literally told me that our relationship was “getting old and they just needed to see someone new” after we had dated for three years. talk about a fucking heartbreak. i’m just… so used to abandonment, but almost too used to it, i guess. i have a deep phobia of it. i’m constantly scared that anyone that i start to grow close with will leave because it’s happened so many times. these past experiences have made me feel so fucking worthless. i’m not important. no one wants to keep and maintain relationships with me. and i feel like everyone who has left just doesn’t fucking care about how i feel, about the lasting effects of their leave. i feel like i’m unlovable. i’m not special. i’m not a good person. that’s how i fucking feel. i don’t stick in people’s brains. and it hurts so fucking badly, oh my god. another trend i’ve noticed is that people tell me that i’m an “easy target”. like…. what, am i supposed to feel fucking flattered?? because i’m not. that literally makes me feel like trash. even an old best friend told me that multiple times, and now i have coworkers telling me this. i used to brush it off, but… i don’t know. just. why??? fucking why??? people around me are constantly making jokes about me, towards me, playing off of my apparent gullibility and slow reactions. they love to make me feel dumb for their own amusement and laughs. and i don’t see those people doing that to anyone else. either that, or i’m belittled for not understanding something fast enough. that’s also a constant thing. like… sorry, i guess, that i have autism. i already get frustrated with myself enough. i don’t need you adding to that.

i don’t know. i’m in so much pain right now. i’m realizing that i’m not fucking valued and no one has faith in me. i reach out, get my hopes up, open up a little occasionally, but literally all of it is in vain. nothing ever works out. i’m constantly afraid of sharing too much because when i do it’s constantly met with weird looks or a “what the fuck?”. i feel like i have to walk on eggshells with literally everyone i meet. what if i say something too strange? what if i make a complete fucking fool of myself? what if i don’t make a good enough impression? i’m not funny, i’m not interesting, i’m… nothing. there’s so much proof of it.

what the fuck is wrong with me…?

i’m tired.

[bleary-eyed-blue]

hey remember when i used to complain about work under a readmore? let’s do that again (sorry in advance if this doesn’t work on mobile !! :-( )

lol i’m so fucking depressed man. yesterday at work as soon as i walked in, everything was a complete mess. took me an hour to even get cleaned up enough to start working. morning crew left it like that. our shipment was missing 3 entire pallets of product (about 150 cases of things) so we had basically nothing. all day, management was on our ass about how the sales floor looked bad. harping on us (me specifically, for whatever reason) to “make sure we put out everything we can”. which we did, in between cleaning up the back room after morning crew.

i came into work today in a good mood. we got a new shipment, everything was put away and clean, and the sales floor looked good. but two of my managers called me upstairs to basically interrogate me as to why it looked bad this morning. i explained what happened, and they pretty much reduced it down to a “lack of guidance” for what needed to be done. i told them we did the best we could, and my manager interrupted me and said that wasn’t a “good answer because those are just words with no meaning behind them”.

like. i bust my ass every day and give the best i can to do a good job. i never hear any positive feedback about any part of our department. only things that are wrong, things that look bad, things we aren’t doing right. i really meant it when i said i was doing my best, and to be told it doesn’t mean anything? what do i have to do? fuck. i come home sore and stressed every night, sleep like shit and wake up to do it all again the next day, only to be told that i’m not good enough, which just echoes what i’ve been telling myself for the past like, 10 years.

i know it shouldn’t matter bc it’s just a job, and as long as i know i’m doing my best, it should be okay right? but. to constantly have your shortcomings put on a pedestal and drilled into you when you’re giving it your best every day is fucking exhausting. i don’t even know why i bother trying, since obviously i won’t get it right anyway.

ugh. anyway im going to bed i guess

[kpopidk]

Written ship♡~

Hi♡ May I have a written ship with BTS and Monsta X? Have a beautiful day.  Sorry if its really long this, I can’t see the rules, i was searching it but the link just sent me to other requests. Please take care of yourself and take ur time, have a wonderful day💕💝 (*rest of request under readmore)

Our mobile link doesn’t work on the app on androids, but it does in the mobile broswer~ We hope you like your ships! @etoiles-29

BTS: 

RM - Having a lot of similar qualities and interests, such as language and philosophy, would make for a good basis in getting closer. It would be easy for you two to get lost in talks about such things. 

Monsta X: 

Shownu - He would really like your independent nature, it’s something that he appreciates. Though he also a very patient person and would have no problem in helping you whenever you felt overstressed. 

—Mod Chae & Bom

I’m latin girl, 154cm, brown eyes and medium-short hair, kinda chubby. I love to learn idioms, I can speak Spanish, English, a little bit of German and I’m currently learning Japanese. I really love astrology and photography. I’m cuddly girl, really into PDA and skin ship, sometimes I can be a quiet/shy person or an easygoing/confident person, depends on my mood or the people I’m with. I’m very positive thinker and I’m trying to have a healthy fitness lifestyle (really hard), and I’m so independent, openminded and a little bit rebeld. I’m the oldest sister so I tend to be a mother but I’m really childish like pls stop, I’m a clumsy person too. Ambitious, creative and competitive person. I like to spend my time drawing, dancing and daydreaming, I like read mangas or see japanese movies. I love to volunteer and help those around me. I want someone that can talk to me about anything and has a chill vibe but likes to do stupid things with me. I want to travel around all the world and get to know new cultures. I’m seen as coldhearted and emotionless bc my resting bitch face. I’m not a patient person and I can get stressed fast. I adore animals but I don’t like kids (sorry im just..). I play hard, work hard and i like to do things fast. I take care of myself and my family so much. I love making laugh my friends. I like talking about deep things like philosophy. I can read people really fast.