#sorry im so fucking normal about stage plays

[illumiskneecaps]

hxh the stage 2 started dropping preview videos and images today waaa so happy ^_^ i didn’t realize they would also be covering heavens arena so exciting. so we get to see hisoka in both the heavens arena costume and the yorknew one….. also they did the shower scene LMAO😭😭

[mysticficti0n]

all my attention part 1

warnings- swearing, smoking, fights (mention of blood), gets a bit sad toward the end

words: 4.8k (im sorry)

If you'd like to read the previous parts → All my attention series

a/n- so I am British and cannot speak any German, I speak a little French, Spanish and Italian but German- no. I also do not trust Google translate so this is gonna be like an avatar thing (if you've seen the newest one Jake says that their language just became normal or something along those lines) so in reality this is all in German, you as a reader know German but, its wrote in English... make sense? no... well. anyways enjoy its my first Kaultiz fic so maybe a little everywhere but please read and enjoy 🤍

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backstory- you are the 5th member of Tokio Hotel and you always thought the love was equally platonic between you and a certain guitarist... but what if that all changed?

I sat backstage messing around with my mic waiting to do sound check, I love my job and I'm lucky to be doing this at 17 but I do miss laying in bed all morning and not having to worry about what I look like constantly "Y/n we need you now!" our stage directer called to me pulling me from my thoughts, I stood fixing my sweatpants around my hips and carried myself to stage were Gustav was sat taping away at his drums "okay just need to go through where you'll stand in schrei" I nodded waiting for the man to decide "go top left" I complied and made my way to the corner near to the blonde boy

"does my snare sound normal to you?" I herd Gustav ask then a loud hit on the skin of the drum, it was lower sounding then usual

"no.. maybe tighten it again" he nodded and began playing with the bolts at the side

"Y/n can you speak into your mic" he asked sitting on one of the plastic chairs in the pit

"hellllooooo" I spoke getting a laugh from the drummer

"perfect...okay your done can you send Georg out" I nodded walking back out wiping my eyes as I made my way into our backstage room, 'quickest sound check ever' I thought to myself

"Georg they need you" he huffed rolling his eyes and grabbing his bass

"its way to early for all this" I agreed "its half fucking six!" he grumbled leaving the room, my attention turned to the only other person in the room, Tom, he was slouched on the sofa with his dreads freely sat on his head, we near enough had the same outfit on except he was wearing no shirt, as usual

"how did it go?" he spoke looking up to me to which I shrugged "oh Bill wont be back till like 12 he has meetings and vocal shit to do"

"I thought, anyways how was yours?" I spoke referring to the soundcheck

"well my guitar wouldn't come through the speaker, then the mic cut and I tripped so, perfect" I laughed at his words "anyways wanna smoke?"

"yeah" I hummed seeing him stand and grab his cigarettes from my bag I brought with me, we pushed the exit doors open and walked into the warm morning air that was finally in Germany, it felt like it had been winter for ages but finally It was warming up "I don't know whether I feel like performing tonight" I sighed as he handed me a cigarette, I brought it to my lips and he lit it for me

"why not? you love it" he was right but today just felt like... not a good day to do anything "you'll be fine when we get out there, I know you will"

"I just.. I don't know" I hummed breathing white smoke from my lips

"is it because of Brian?" Tom spoke making my head snap to him

"Brian! no of course not, me and him were done weeks ago I don't fucking care about him" I defended

"because you know he's gonna be their tonight Y/n. look I'm not the one to usually say this but nobody else is saying it- you broke up only two weeks ago and you've ignored what your feeling"

"fuck Kaulitz you're going soft" he laughed taking a drag "and I don't have a 'feeling'"

"I don't give a shit.. wait no I give a shit about you, not him, but honestly are you okay?" he spoke placing an arm over my shoulder to which I sighed again resting my head on him

"i...no, but I don't wanna think of it uno, he made me believe he loved me and that he was the one but all I saw was him hitting it off with a stupid bimbo" Tom's grip tightened comforting me "am I that bad?" I asked laughing solemnly

"I mean.. I" Tom began with a sly smile

"fuck off" I laughed shoving the dreaded man

"hey! I'm joking" he rolled his eyes at my childishness

"but I am sexy as fuck, I have piercings, fuck I dye my hair and yet I'm not better than a skanky, badly blonde haired big lipped whore" Tom shook his head stamping out his cigarette to which I followed

"well tonight play like the git isn't there and if anything find a fan pull them up and kiss their god-damn lips" Tom was a bastard for revenge, when his last girlfriend broke up with him (many years ago) he slept with 5 girls and sent her a picture with the caption 'pussy4ever' I looked back to the boy as he began to speak again "or kiss me?" he smiled wriggling his eyebrows

"yeah sure I will Thomas" we both laughed, in fairness we always found ourselves subtly flirting with one another but never really meant it, the little jokes, touchiness, it was all good fun. We walked back inside and watched as Gustav came off stage swirling drum sticks around his fingers and Georg with a grumpy look across his face

"whats wrong with you sunshine?" Tom spoke holding the backstage room door open for me which I whispered a 'thank you' and sat onto the brown, cold, leather sofa

"fucking bass wouldn't link!" he groaned going to the fridge in the corner and pulled out a water "every time we kept trying and in the end it was the wrong line" Georg slammed against the wall and hit his head

"dude calm down its fixed now" Gustav spoke looking at the bassist who was in no need of being told to 'calm down' Tom sat himself next to me and rested an arm around the back of the sofa occasionally tapping my shoulder and laughing every time I looked to see who it was, we all sat in a comfortable silence all In our own worlds- I was worried for tonight, seeing Brian again is making feel like I need to be sick, I just hoped I wouldn't mess up my parts.

KNOCK KNOCK KNOCK

we were all quickly pulled from our heads and turned to the door where Felix our stage director was stood "we need you all, don't bring your stuff" he spoke in a hurry and running back to who knows where, we all sighed internally and stood up. Being closest to the door I held it open for the other 3 but they all waited

"just go-"

"Y/n we have this argument all the time" Gustav pushed me through the door before I could even argue back and they followed out laughing as I shoved the drummer back with a yelp leaving his mouth. We made it to the stage and walked to the middle, the feeling in my stomach got considerably worse as for the first time I realised how big the show was going to be my eyes curled around the room I couldn't even see the end of the building

"what are we doing?" Tom asked coming to stand next to me and resting his arm on my shoulder as for him I was 'perfect arm height'

"well I need to explain lights to you-" we all gave a small look to one another, nobody want to stand and listen to how the lights will be during the set but we also all knew we had no choice "so when you-" I acted like I was listening but I faded away, I stared right threw Felix and I imagined Brian instead, those fucking dark blue eyes, curly brown hair and that emotionless face he pulled when he said 'we're over' it's been 2 weeks since it happened and Tom was right I didn't really show that I was upset in front of anyone or how the moment haunts me, but they don't see what happens behind closed doors...

"Y/n" I herd a whisper into my ear and I looked to the boy beside me, his eyes looked worried "we need a few minuets" Tom's voice cracked through what Felix was saying and before the older man could interject I was pulled away back behind the curtain "you need tissue" he spoke, my forearm still in his hand as he dragged me into the bathroom next to our backstage room

"Tom I'm fine" he shook his head pulling toilet roll off and folding Into a square

"so do please tell me why you're crying?" I sighed, I knew he wouldn't stop till he got an answer or something from me

"strobes make me emotional" I spoke looking to the floor but he wasn't playing around

"look at me" he commanded but my head wouldn't let me, and I just stared to my shoes "please" at that it was like a release button was pressed and my head snapped up, our eyes met straight away but vision became watery "talk to me-"

"what did I do Tom? I tried everything, he had everything he said he wanted, and he's the only fucking one who's ever wanted me for me, not because of you four guys, not because of my work or money, he wanted me!" I sobbed as for the first time I finally told someone how I really felt "I haven't said a thing but to know he'll be here tonight makes me feel like shit- I can't look at him Tom, after everything we did and for him... for him to say its over and the same night fuck a girl kills me every day! I loved him and this is what I got-" I called in an almost scream, I leant against the wall and slid down until I could feel the tile on my legs and I just held my head, crying into my palms

"I know, and I know its going to be hard babe I know" he spoke and I felt his hand stroke my head "and he wont be the only one to ever want you, so many people will, I promise, you can find someone so much better- fuck sake you're Y/n Y/l/n!. and tonight we'll play the best we ever have just to show him, and I swear to fuck he tries anything on you, he'll be dead" I nodded finally lifting my head and looking towards the boy who just opened his arms for me while crouching, quickly I jumped to him which for the first time in a while- I felt at peace

"yeah..yeah we will" I breathed hiding my face in his neck

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6:00pm (one hour before the show)

"HELLO!" a voice rung into the room followed by a spiky haired boy who walked through the door "fuck me its dull in here" he laughed coming over to sit on his make-up chair

"where the fuck were you!" Tom called to his twin In a angry tone

"meetings and voice stuff" the other brother came back with

"you said you'd be back by 12!" Tom shouted

"I got caught up alright get over it I'm here!" Bill rolled his eyes and slipped of his shirt and began changing for the show, I decided it'll be best if I did the same, the other 3 were ready anyways

"I'll be back" I spoke getting up and going to my bag pulling my outfit out and walking to the bathroom. I locked the door and stared at myself in the mirror, my hair really needed a re-dye, the Y/H/C was really starting to fade, moving on I took off my vest and bra and pulled a lacy black one out and slipped it over me so I didn't have to unclip it, I saw a glimmer of light in the bag and pulled it out seeing a matching thong 'Fucking Clair' I smiled to myself and quickly slipped it on, I did look good I couldn't lie, I posed in the mirror and fixed my hair around my head- I needed a photo "CAN SOMEONE GRAB MY PHONE!" I called waiting to hear a knock as I combed through my hair with my nails

"here- woah" I herd a voice behind me say and I quickly turned seeing Tom looking me up and down with a smirk appearing on his face "who's that for?" he asked leaning against the door frame, his eyes set on my body

"well first of all- how did you get in I locked it, secondly its not for you Kaulitz so don't get you're hopes up" I spoke facing him and his eyes only widened "get out Tom" I laughed seeing him raise his hands in defence

"hey! don't blame me" he smiled placing the phone on the side and walking out and shutting the door which I promptly locked smiling at the idiocy of the boy "dudes she is in a thong!" I herd Tom telling the rest to which they all 'ooo'ed at

"CREEPS" I shouted hearing an up roar of laughter, I rolled my eyes and carried on pulling the phone up and snapping a few pictures of myself, then I grabbed the skirt which just about covered anything and a white top which usually matched Tom's as we decided we'd being doing that for the next few shows. I left the bathroom holding my old clothes and phone and saw all their heads spin to the door "god you guys need to get some pussy or something" I grinned seeing them all blush

"do a twirl Y/n" Bill spoke re-directing the conversation and so I did and he clapped when I bowed

"don't do that on stage if you're facing the crowd" Gustav smirked "I just saw your ass and I don't think your mother would be impressed if that happened"

"good call, someone write- don't bend at audience!" Georg spoke settling in his seat, we all sat and could hear the faint chats of the audience that was arriving, I began pacing around the room humming my lyrics to myself over and over

"smoke?" Tom asked to which I passed him out the door and waited for him outside, the cool night air hitting my skin "here- you need to calm the fuck down" I nodded taking the cig out the box

"I just don't wanna mess up" he smiled at me, lighting the end of the tobacco and then his own "what if they boo me or leave?"

"babe they won't" his hand wrapped around my waist and held me gently "everyone loves you out there, I've seen at least 100 people in your shirts, you've got it" I looked up to him and our eyes connected instantly "if anything look to me I'll do something alright?"

"like trip up or was that only for soundcheck?" he fake laughed rolling his eyes again making me smile, the distance seemed to shorten, we do have our moments but those are funny- this felt real...? tension building around us, eyes locked and ash falling by our feet

"you know-" he began

"TOM Y/N COME ON!" Bill crashed threw the door, hair standing on end and dressed in black (new for him) we quickly broke apart and took one last drag from our smokes before kicking them out and walking inside, people crowded us giving us mics, drum sticks, picks, guitars, sprays, you name it we probably had it

"WELCOME.... TOKIO HOTEL" the speakers sounded and the twins swagged onto the stage followed by me and Georg and Gustav last going to his kit

"GOOD EVENING TRIER" Bill called and the crowd erupted "how we all doing?" and the screams made us smile, it was such a familiar feeling but seeing everyone happy helped, Bill looked to me and gestured for me to come over so I brought myself to the front of stage passing Tom who winked to me getting a 'ooo' from the people in the room who saw, the black haired boy placed his arm around my head and the sea of people snapped pictures and screamed my name

"I think I know what the people want" I spoke with a smile, jokingly the boy 'leaned in' and screams of anticipation filled the building "no not that" I called as we pulled away and the boys behind got the cue to start playing schrei and I ran back to my place hearing the cheer only get louder as Bill began to sing- we loved destroying the imaginations of our fans, its thrilling there was always rumours, usually around me and that I am 'fucking them all' but it's defiantly not the case.

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It was time, I saw the boys look towards me and with a breath I joined the lead singer up front, being a backing singer I wasn't needed much but I was showing something tonight "so you all see my gorgeous girl Y/n here?" Bill spoke pulling me to the front of the stage, hands spiked up everywhere scratching to touch just a thread of our clothing "she has some news!" with a toothy smile Bill past me his mic and backed away back to the group behind- I wasn't used to being centre stage but it was crazy, I could see everything (ish) smiles and tear stained faces

"so you all know we haven't had new music in a few months right?" they all shouted incoherent words "well- you seem like a crowd who'd wanna see some new material!?" I looked back to the boys who were all dopily smiling at me as the people infront blew up in shouts "okay okay so, I wrote this song when I was at not an amazing time in my life.. I felt like giving up but instead, with the help of these, I wrote my feeling into a song, usually this would be preformed by our lovely Bill but.. just got tonight, I'll be singing" I hyped and the band got into places to start playing don't jump

I began singing the words and walking around the tip of the stage holding the hands of as many as I could 'On top of the roof The air is so cold and so calm I say your name in silence' until my eyes landed on him- the words seemed to be pulled from my mouth, everything went silent and he knew what he'd done to me... the song was partially made because of what he did before we broke up, my mind switched as I herd the strum of Tom's guitar- remembering his words 'and tonight we'll play the best we ever have just to show him, and I swear to fuck he tries anything on you, he'll be dead' with a breath I carried on stomping my way back up stage to the rest of the band Bill was off the other side by Georg and I went to my place by Tom, a smile smothered his face as I stood facing him 'hi' he mouthed, I let my free hand reach for his face and held his jaw getting a roar from the fans, Tom placed a kiss to my palm and I soon let go trying to hide a very big blush from swamping my face and our next move came to play- we both turned back to back as his strummed his guitar, I leant against him spilling my lyrics until the beat jumped again 'I scream into the night for you Don't make it true Don't jump The lights will not guide you through They're deceiving you Don't jump' I walked back to mid stage being followed by Georg first who smiled at me and banged his head, then by Tom who only smirked sending me a wink. I got to the edge of the stage and hands reached to me and I tried to hold them all 'And if all that can't hold you back I'll jump for you' the song ended and the building blew up, cheers, screams, claps it was a rush, I blew kisses to them all, my mind forgot about what I was thinking before. Bill and Gustav joined us at the front and we all did a joint bow getting a laugh from us all, the others let go but Toms arm still stayed around my shoulder pulling me close

"see told you they'd love it" he whispered I smiled looking to him, he was sweaty and panting slightly as when he concentrates to much he forgets to breath, his arm pulled me even closer and he planted a kiss to my forehead before the lights turned off- our queue to get off stage the 5 of us were ushered off and as I stepped over to be in the backstage area someones arms scooped me into a hug though I couldn't see because the whole place was pitch black "Ugh you did so well" it was Tom's voice, calming me instantly "they loved the song!" he spoke settling me down but still had me close "told you they would" I looked back to the sweaty guitar player and he pulled my head to his as he pressed a kiss to my forehead again

"get room!" Gustav poked erring a laugh from he rest "nobody wants to see a softy Kaulitz!"

"eh what do ya mean- he aint soft" Tom quipped eyeing his friend up

"gross" Gustav laughed walking his way back to our room, me and the other boy followed and walked in to see Bill lay on the sofa with his makeup nearly rolling down his face due to being so hot

"Y/n I can't get over the audience" the black haired man spoke "god... that was one of my fave ever shows"

"I can't get over it" i went to my bag and pulled my cigarettes out and the boys all seemed to perk up again "coming?" I joked seeing them all get up as we went to the outside, it was dark with only the security lights illuminating the floor, I handed them all a ciggy and pulled my lighter out and burning the end "I saw Brian, he was just kinda stood there" they hummed "I'm over it- he can fuck who ever he fucking wants because none will ever be as good as me" I groaned feeling the hot smoke going out my mouth

"I saw him and he just looked sad, he misses you, I can tell" Bill spoke getting a shove from Gustav "what? I doesn't matter. All I was saying is that he looked sad probably because Y/n/n was happy unlike when he last saw her" I laughed, we stood in a silence finishing our cigs, stepping them out and walked into a runner calling all our names

"BILL!...GEORG!?" he looked out off breath "Finally- we need you all, meet n' greet" we all had the realisation and practically sprinted to our room and began to spray any aftershave or perfume we could find as after running round and singing you sweat, meaning we don't smell the best, me and Bill fixed our eyes and hair and then we all walked out like we hadn't just shit ourselves and made our way to the front of the building to see a line of (mostly) fan girls crying out

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"thank you so much I loved the show and the new song! holy shit it was amazing" a girl named Bethany spoke hugging us all one last time, we were told not many more people so we fixed ourselves up and waiting for the next person

"I love the flowers" I spoke looking at the roses a girl called Alicia brought me "is their anyone else-" as I spoke the door opened with Erik (our runner) holding it for the next fan, we all looked up and saw a brunette boy.... blue eyes "what the fuck do you think you're doing?... seriously!" Brians eyes were red and face tear stained, I felt myself tense up at the sight, all the boys stood scarily still

"I want to talk to you babe" his voice shook, those eyes staring into mine, its like he didn't realise he was in a room of people who really did not like him "please its me... baby please"

"don't call her baby" Tom grumbled " she doesn't have to do shit for you" I looked toward the boy, his hands in a ball already he moved quickly, towering over Brian

"Tom" Bill warned but no remorse went to his twin, we all watched as Tom stared down at Brian saying words to fast to even work out, Brain looked like he was about to break down nodding his head

"and I'm not fucking lying- you ever touch her, talk to her, anything... I wont fucking stop until you can't move and my hands are red- understand?" I looked toward the others, I wasn't scared for Brian but more worried that something would happen, Georg got the memo and walked to the guitarist placing a hand on his shoulder, I saw Tom relax and walk back to us leaving my ex standing with shock on his face, he looked back to me

"please" he pleaded 'shit' is all I thought as I saw Tom's face drop, his knuckles white he stormed back to Brian "...dude-" he squealed before the guitarist had him up the door slamming him back and forth, I watched as my ex's face became red trying to shove Tom back but him being a lot shorter- he had no chance, perfect "GET THE FUCK OFF ME DICK!" he shouted and Bill grabbed his brothers shoulder and pulled him off

"leave I-" the singer couldn't finish as a fist flew into his shoulder "WHAT THE FUCK" Bil'ls hand collided with Brians face sending him back quickly followed by Tom punching down at the boy, nobody touches the other twin without the other one getting involved. The fight continued until a scream cut the room, blood was on Toms arm and he stepped back, Gustav was keeping me back by our picture wall and Georg stood next to him and seized looking over

"damn-" Gustav hummed, I looked over to see Brian holding his nose and Tom proudly standing above

"this is your fucking fault Y/n... I should've dated you-" his words stung "this would have never bloody happened if I had just left you earlier!" my heart ached "fuck" he grumbled standing against the door, I looked to his eyes- black and blue. He took a step forward, stumbling slightly but he quickly found his feet again and came at me "YOU DID THIS!" I turned back waiting for my pain- a punch, a slap, a kick but I never felt it THUD I opened my eyes to see Georg on the floor slamming his fist into the boy again- he was really getting the works tonight

"BA-ST-ARD" he chanted before the door burst open to two runners with astonished faces who quickly grabbed their walkie-talkies and spoke some words I couldn't work out, within seconds security rammed in pulling Georg off of Brian who looked even worse and we were all taken back out "fucking dick what did he think he was doing!" and the five of us were pushed out the room

"arsehole" Tom stormed "hope he's in fucking pain for ages-"

"I can't believe he tried to punch me, ME!" Bill shook his head going through to our room I walked with Gustav giving him a 'look' to which he only nodded at "he's a dick" the boys all sat and I just stared into the mirror- those 5 minuets felt more like hours and I just didn't have any words

"this is your fucking fault Y/n... I should've dated you-"

"this would have never bloody happened if I had just left you earlier!"

"YOU DID THIS!"

those sentences flying around my head, I couldn't pull myself away from it, I just looked at myself, I just felt- wrong

"what the hell! why did I just have to see security drag a bloody nosed kid out that room!" Our stage manger burst in "you lot are a world famous band we don't need stunts like that being pulled! 16 people have had to miss a meet n greet because of it!" he shouted but I couldn't hear him really- I wasn't there "Y/n!" he shouted snapping me back

"I'm sorry" I spoke turning to face him

"it's not her fault" Gustav spoke "he was fucking deranged" I laughed slightly looking back at him with a smile

"I don't care! its not a funny matter, its disappointing" we all nodded as he walked out, I turned to the boys and looked to the twins, Tom had blood over him still and Bill just looked pissed off

"I think I'm going to go to the hotel..." I spoke grabbing my bag off the side and hanging it over my shoulder and pulling my skirt lower to feel more covered "bye-"

"wait-" someone spoke "I'll come lemme clean myself up first- five mins" it was Tom, I nodded and settled myself onto my make up chair watching him run to the bathroom

"we're not annoyed at you Y/n, its not your fault" Georg spoke coming over stroking my shoulder "he's a prick"

"I know- I just feel bad, you all basically got hurt because of him and the whole thing was so pathetic I doesn't even seem real like.."

"yeah I get it- its fine, just sleep it off alright" I agreed and watched through the mirror Tom come back in

"ready?"

[natalie-goodmn]

Next to Normal round 3 thoughts:

there’s a lot of things I noticed this time that I didn’t before but that’s just bc as a Natalie stan I must be looking at her the whole time

- I never noticed Gabe throwing Dan’s keys in Just Another Day before that’s SO funny

- I also finally saw Diana kiss Henry, she really WENT FOR IT

- is it just me or does the Wyndhams need to turn up their mics?? Maybe it’s just that I need it In My Ear Canal but I’ve noticed the singing is a bit quiet (I also didn’t notice this in Oklahoma)

- I love Gabe holding the microphones to Natalie and Dan during their I’m Alive dialogue. He might be a demon with the spirit of a dead two year old but he’s sooo silly :D

(this is getting long so more under the cut)

- something something Natalie playing her fake keyboard with the band’s piano behind her, something acting and pretending like she’s a normal person with a normal family

- I just realised that Gabe AND Natalie licks up Diana’s leg. Diversity win

- the parallels of Gabe and Diana reaching out to each other in Im Alive vs Natalie reaching down to her in Wish I Were Here (and maybe Catch Me I’m Falling) i feel sick,,,

- Gabe holding Diana in I Am the One like Henry’s holding Natalie, welcome back Freudian Gabe

- also the head kiss parallel with Gabe in Just Another Day and before he’s about to leave in I Dreamed a Dance

- the blood is so visceral but a part of me misses the bway staging too where they just walk off slowly and as dr madden talks abt Diana’s attempt. It’s basically the same thing but the reveal felt slower idk

- also man every time I miss the donmar staging of the one tiny bit where Dan’s going “Is this helping or? Di?” as Diana just walks off and back to the therapy chair. Idk it just felt like dissociation better to me, but I do like Ominous Circle Of Thinking

- I also love love love how they play the “I love you as much as I can” in this. They play it like a failed charm roll, and you really get everyone’s frustration and that she’s trying hard

- and then in Maybe when you see that Diana actually knows Natalie deeply bc she’s like her,,, hold on. Similarly, I love how the first person Natalie hugs in act two (I think?) is Diana instead of Henry. Me when the real story is between a mother and daughter (mamma Mia who)

- Diana rolling her eyes and mouthing ‘oh my fucking-‘ to Dan going “can you tell me what it is you’re afraid of” is maybe the best representation of anxiety and I’m not even kidding, MOOD Diana

- god I know it’s been in all the productions but I love how much agency Diana has, you rarely see it with mentally ill characters but she’s so funny and knows what she wants and I love her

- everyone’s said it, everyone knows it but JACK WOLFE god he’s amazing every time

- I’ve thought this both times, is it just me or when Gabe is silhouetted (I think with the music box) is his neck like inhumanly thin??? Like genuinely asking, I don’t think that’s Jack’s neck?? Is it?? Am I just misunderstanding human anatomy when someone wears a hoodie

- I’ve said it before but I Am the One reprise is one of the best scenes in musical theatre and it should end there. I’m a Light hater SORRY, I like the message a lot but it’s always felt like a studio note or something where they’ve been told that it has to be uplifting at the end or it’ll do badly and make everyone sad

- natalie,,, covering her ears and her big headphones. Autism. Also really love Eleanor’s portrayal of her anxiety. Instead of Jen’s anger, she has a hamster like anxiety quality to her (complimentary)

- also I swear I see no one talk about it WHEN GABE TOUCHED NATALIE’S HAND??? AND SHE NOTICES SOMETHING??? That’s new for this production right?? Theories???

- Natalie starting to tidy up Gabe’s toys,,, she’s breaking the cycle,, she’s the hope. And playing with them with Henry and showing him the bunny toy 😭

- I’ll say it. The “you’re like number one on my list of problems” doesn’t work that well if you don’t have Jen and Adam’s sarcasm. Too earnest. Banned.

- I’ve said a lot abt this Henry but I actually like this act 2! He plays him v desperate and anxious which I don’t think Adam does, it shows the stakes for act two. Also his arc UGH. From being a Dan parallel where he’s saying he’ll be perfect for her and that he wants who he knew and that he’ll stay anyway because he made a promise to,,, the dance and saying that he’ll stay bc he loves her and he doesn’t care if she goes crazy

- Also I think Natalie mouths ‘help me’ as she stops Henry from walking off in A Promise owwww

- also Henry apologising to the pianist after the recital (I think?) and picking up Natalie’s bag from the club 😭

[yearningagain]

it's enough (to make a girl blush): chapter three

HI SORRY FOR THE WAIT!! i had some unexpected personal setbacks but the third chapter is finally here!! finally some eddie pov smirk

i will also say that college has officially started back up for me, so chapters might come slower for the next few months, sorry! im an educated man what can i say

and now, on to the main attraction!

also on ao3!

total wc: 4.2k | wc: 1.6k | rating: e (18+) | pairing: steddie | cw: past drug use | tags: a/b/o, alpha eddie munson, omega steve harrington, modern au, baker steve, famous eddie, getting together, gay eddie, bi steve, soulmates/true mates/scent mates, side buckingham

part one | part two

--------------

Eddie was tired.

That’s a complete understatement. Eddie was exhausted. 

This wasn’t uncommon for him, he’d pulled his fair share of all-nighters growing up purely because he was hyperfocused on something and lost track of time. Even on nights he could manage to put himself to bed, insomnia and nightmares plagued him. His father screaming, his mother dying, Uncle Wayne finally saying he’d had enough of Eddie’s antics. He had run on pure adrenaline. (And maybe some of the leftovers Rick had given him.)

But that was high school. Now, Eddie had managed to give himself a semi-normal sleep schedule by giving his absolute all to Corroded Coffin, just to high-tail it back to wherever they were sleeping to crash for four to six hours, or until his brain got the better of him. And his dedication to the band, along with the motivation from the other members, had paid off immensely. They were actually quite popular now, selling out small venues in bigger cities and the off chance of getting recognised on an extremely busy street. The boys had toured the U.S. twice now, and were currently a quarter of the way done with their third. Their label had even begun talking about a world tour for their next album.

Eddie loved playing shows. He loved how he could feel the music deep in his bones, how the words he’d scribbled on a random notebook page were now being sung by thousands of voices, how he got to be himself through and through because that’s what got him there. He had also been sleeping fantastically, which was a plus.

Until two weeks ago.

Until the mystery man entered his dreams and knocked Eddie’s whole world out from underneath him.

—

The night had ended uneventfully, the first of two sold out shows in LA went on without a hitch. Eddie was thanking his past self for convincing the guys to get a hotel since they were staying in the city for multiple shows. No matter how much money they happened to rake in, oftentimes just staying on the bus was preferred. The alpha was crashing hard after coming off stage, barely managing to say bye to Jeff, Gareth, and Frank before stumbling to the waiting cab and eventually haphazardly shoving his key card into the lock of his hotel room. He toed his shoes off, pulled his shirt over his head, and fell face first into the bed. 

Eddie didn’t remember falling asleep. One second, he’s debating on if it’s worth it to shimmy off his skinny jeans, the next, he’s got an angelic omega in his lap frantically grinding against his thigh. 

He didn’t know where he was or who he was with, but none of that seemed to matter, if his alpha’s feeling of Omega, Mate, Safe was anything to go by. In fact, quite literally nothing mattered to him right now, except for the movements of the mystery man, the distinct wetness soaking through his pant leg, and how his fly was digging into his dick. 

“God, fuck- alpha, please…”

As soon as the title left the omega’s lips, the alpha was completely entranced. Eddie huffed, his hands quickly made their way to the man’s hips, gripping and guiding him to chase his impending orgasm. The alpha didn’t fare much better, already embarrassingly close to popping a knot in his jeans. 

“Ah- ‘M close, alpha…” was all the warning Eddie got before their efforts doubled down, both moving impossibly faster. He swayed forward trying to get a whiff of the omega, and he was rewarded greatly with the heady scent of spiced caramel apples, with an undercurrent of warm vanilla. In response, Eddie pumped out his own pheromones, hoping to get the other over the edge.

Suddenly, everything was wrong. He felt ice cold, plunged into consciousness unwillingly. As he opened his eyes, he was very disappointed to see no one in the hotel bed with him. That wasn’t unusual, waking up alone. Eddie hated hookups and one night stands and anything that left him feeling somehow more lonely than before, and he hadn’t met anyone he was willing to subtract time with the band to be substantial with. 

His thoughts were interrupted by a loud knock at the door, Jeff making sure he’s awake in time for their morning meeting. He simply groaned, rolled off the bed, and pushed all of these weird feelings as far down as he could.

—

Now, after two weeks of enduring hot dreams (that feel so so real), irritability, and the other members of Corroded Coffin, and even staff, having to tell him constantly to put on more blockers because he reeks, it makes sense that he’s exhausted. That’s not even including his growing urge to nest, his steadily increasing libido, and his inner alpha being infuriatingly restless. He thought he was putting on a brave face, hiding most of his internal issues from his bandmates, from the world. 

Too bad that his bandmates were also the people he trusted most, his best friends in the entire world, part of his pack. 

The boys had an off day- no shows, no interviews, nothing explicitly planned. They had arrived in Wisconsin late the previous night, going straight from the stage to the bus to pack up and start the drive from Missouri. Eddie had planned to take the day off to relax, maybe nap if his mind would allow it. But Jeff, Gareth, and Frank apparently had other ideas.

A knock on his bunk startled Eddie from his wandering mind, having spaced out thinking about the mystery omega yet again. He groaned, but pulled the privacy curtain back to give the stink eye to whoever disturbed him. Gareth waved sheepishly. “Hey, dude. Sorry to bother, but we got pizza.”

Immediately, Eddie forgave the beta, swiftly hauling his ass out of the bunk and into the main space of the bus where three pizzas had been laid out. Plain cheese for Gareth because he was vegetarian, pepperoni for Jeff and Frank because they were normal, and mushrooms and meatballs for Eddie because he was a freak like that. Once he grabbed two slices, Eddie sat down on the couch, finally realizing that the others were watching him intently.

“What? Do I have sauce on my face?” he asked lightly, but the set of their jaws made his blood run cold. Jeff shook his head, heaving a sigh before meeting his eyes.

“We need to talk.” Jeff began.

“Oh my god, are you breaking up with me?” Eddie comedically gasped. If there was one thing about him, it was that if he couldn’t run from the confrontation, he’d make some shitty joke about it.  

Despite his piss-poor attempt at deflection, Frank spoke up. “You’ve been different, dude. Holeing up in your bunk, snapping at us. You even growled at me. That’s not cool.”

The alpha at least had the sense to look apologetic about it. It was one thing to verbally snap at people, but it was another entirely to growl at someone. Especially someone who didn’t deserve it, like Frank. All he had done was point out a groupie that was desperate for Eddie, something the boys normally joked about knowing his distaste for engaging with them. But something about even suggesting anyone other than Mystery Omega felt completely and utterly wrong.

“Plus, you reek, bro. You know that. How do you keep forgetting your blockers? We just want to make sure you haven’t gotten yourself into something bad. I know this is different from high school, but the stress is still there. We want to know that you’re okay, Eddie,” Jeff said solemnly. 

Slowly but surely, the gears started turning for Eddie. “You- you guys think I’m on drugs?” He laughed, albeit a bit hysterically. He stood and started pacing. “I fucking wish I was on drugs! I feel like I’m losing it! My stupid alpha won’t stop being in-fucking-sane, all broody and moody and fucking annoying as hell. Keeps telling me to prepare and fucking nest and, fucking, oh, gotta make it perfect, gotta make it nice. For fucking what!”

His hands shot to his hair, tugging and pulling on the locks. “Not to mention that my dick is basically rubbed raw because I fucking always pop a knot, which I swear has gotten bigger. And I can’t stop it because those fucking dreams won’t stop! He’s always there, every single night, making my life absolute hell because he’s not actually here and he’s not actually real and I’m so fucking lonely that I made a guy up to get off!” Eddie was borderline feral now, pupils pinpoint and breaths coming in heavy gasps. He slowly sank to his knees, closed his eyes and took some deep breaths. “And I have been wearing blockers. I’ve stacked blockers.” He pulled his hair back, revealing at least three patches over his primary scent glands. “It’s not helping. Nothing is helping.”

Gareth stood from his spot on the opposite couch the alpha had been perched on, the information coming together quickly for him. “Is it the same guy?” he asks, taking a few steps to approach Eddie, who raised his head. “What?”

“Is it always the same guy, Eddie? I need you to be honest here.” The beta moved closer, kneeling in front and gently taking Eddie’s hands from his hair.

“Y-yeah. Same guy. Don’t have a face, but he smells divine, Gare. What’s going on?” Eddie asked quietly.

“I think you need to listen to your alpha. I think you need to prepare.”

[gingerjolover]

Pet Names - JM (Muna)

currently listening to new romantics (taylor's version) and im living

also canonically thinking of soft!gf i cant stop myself we are one

All of Muna uses baby/babe/honey so those aren't included that's just canon i said what i said

rpf smut under da cut - minors gtfo

Babygirl - this is just soooooo jo coded okay? babygirl is in public, in the bedroom, on the moon ok there's something legit wrong with your partner if they don't call you babygirl at least once a day. i think jo likes it because it's different than baby and babe, it's more personal because its acknowledging that you're their babygirl, idk if that makes sense. i have this vision of jo running to you before going on stage being like "quick! babygirl!" and puckering their lips because you're def their good luck charm. and then post-show, sweaty!jp is rubbing their sweaty forehead on you being like "that's hard work right there babygirl" or something so fucking cheesy you're rolling your eyes, smiling at them while wiping your head.

also fully leaning into post-concert sex, i mean jo is going to town absolutely blowing your back out being like "that's it babygirl, that's it".

Flower - okay so hidden meanings!reader is called flower. i think its so cute because jo would start slipping it in randomly like starting with compliments. you and jo are on a walk and you're plucking random flowers, fixing them in jo's hair when they find one and put it behind your ear, it starts with "you're so pretty i should be calling you flower," and "this flower is almost as pretty as you," before kissing your cheeks with an audible mwah sound. i think it's used almost as an everyday name but especially when you're soft. "tell me all about your day, flower" and "I'm sorry that sounds really hard, my pretty flower," IDK I THINK ITS CUTE

if we wanna get smutty, and i know yall do, Jo would def use it as some like play on words. they'd be at your feet on the bed and be all cocky and smirky like "you gonna open up for me flower?" wiggling their eyebrows before pushing your knees apart

Dear - husband!vibes okay, Jo is so "Yes dear" coded. I think obviously they'd use it normally like you'll be talking and walking away to the laundry room and Jo is calling after you like "what did you say dear?" or you'll be stressing about your schedule and Jo will swoop in and save the day, taking some errands off your plate, "I'll take care of it dear."

But like Naomi, they play up the husband card so well and y'all will be at a bar or something with friends and you'll have made plans last week and you remind Jo about them and with faux apathy they'll say "Yes, dear," with a sigh before you're slapping their arm and laughing

Doll - doll is so boyfriend and i think of grease or like the 50s when i hear doll but i think its something that Jo hypes you up with. Maybe for Muna's first Eras show you get ready backstage with them and Franki and Katie are taking pics for you in your outfit, Jo comes out nervous as hell but warms up in an instant seeing you just being like "Holy shit doll, look at you," before grabbing you by the waist and kissing you silly

Something weird and it's never the same - okay im thinking like anything random. at least once a day, Jo will walk into a room and be like, "good morning pudding pie," or they'll call you on tour and be like "hello apple muffin, i miss you, how are you?" and you literally never know what it's going to be and you don't think Jo has ever repeated a a name to you. it's usually food related but sometimes it's also another pet name, almost as if they are trying it out on you. You'll be getting ready for bed and Jo is calling from bed, "you almost done ladybug? I'm freezing."

[dirtysvthoughts]

𝓟 𝓡 𝓘 𝓥 𝓐 𝓣 𝓔 𝓓 𝓐 𝓝 𝓒 𝓔 𝓡 - CHAPTER FOUR

pairing: rapper! seungcheol x stripper! reader

word count: 3.2k (longest for this series so far!)

general tags/warnings: smut, pwp, female! reader, dom! seungcheol, deep voice cheol, dirty talk, giving cheol head, reader gets partially nude, mentions of d*ugs, pet names, grinding on the d w/o a condom (please protect yourselves tho, always), seungcheol’s fave body part on you is your ass (he is an ass man, i’m not fighting people on this, it’s a fact)

notes: after about a nearly two month break we’re back! sorry y’all i know the momentum has kinda died out a bit, but between coming back to the states after a month long trip and returning to my normal routines and going back to work and some family stuff, it was hard to find the energy to write. but we’re back nonetheless! thank you for sticking by if you’re still here!

playlist songs: money showers - fat joe, remy ma, ty dolla sign, hey daddy (daddy’s home) - usher, another nasty song - latto

taglist: @im-gemmy @enhacolor @hooniewnderland @svtup @kawaiikels @weeevrse @diorsfxck @kyexvly @woozarts @ifuckcheol @marsstarxhwa @haoxiaoba (if your user is crossed out that means i cant tag you)

the smell of weed is strong enough to take over the small studio space, it slightly crowded with the amount of people in the room. a few producers sit in their chairs, altering the sound board controls every and now and then, a heavy bass booming through the system.

behind the door and in the booth is seungcheol, or s.coups (his stage name), spitting fire into the mic as he records the final tracks for an upcoming, anticipated mixtape. he had a pretty decent following after posting some songs on soundcloud for the fun of it, and it continued to grow when he released his first mixtape a few months ago. now pretty much everyone knew his name and it wouldn’t be long before he caught the attention of a mainstream, viral artist.

as he says his last words, the volume goes down and a voice fills the booth, “yeah man, that was great as fuck!” seungcheol smiles as he puts up his headphones and exits the room, dapping up all the producers to thank them for their hard work.

“this mixtape is gonna be so fire, cheol, you’re really out there now!”

“yeah, soon you’re not even gonna need us anymore, working with all those big time producers,” someone chimes in and seungcheol immediately frowns.

“hey man, don’t even say that. you guys were the first people to give me a chance, i’m never gonna forget my brothers,” he nudges them in their shoulder, and they respond by rolling their eyes.

“well that was the last track we had to do for today, what are you guys’s plans for tonight?” someone asks, but before he can even answer, seungcheol hears his phone ring with a text message alert.

princess: hey cheollie, just making sure you’re still on for tonight at illusion! i have a vip room ready and waiting just for you baby ❤️

he can’t help it, but his dick twitches at the last sentence you typed out. he was intoxicated just by the thought of you.

seungcheol has been one of your few regulars ever since he showed up to the club one night two years ago, celebrating the release of his first mixtape. the night in it of itself was a movie, expensive bottles everywhere, music blasting, and girls half-naked dancing on the tables and couches. cheol’s section was upstairs and it was where the party was really at. word got around quickly through the dressing room that cheol was there, and most of the dancers were hanging out with him and his entourage, trying to be the one girl to get him all to themselves. who wouldn’t want him all his glory to be honest?

you however, not exactly enticed by the rowdiness, took your spot at one of the available poles on the main floor. “just another one of those wannabe rappers,” you thought. not too far from his section, you went into one of your routines once a new song started playing. while spinning and inverting, enjoying the high the pole gave you, you didn’t even notice that seungcheol’s attention somehow made its way towards you.

to say the least, he was astounded. not only were you gorgeous in every way possible, you danced like you were on air, as if gravity meant nothing to you. as one of the bottle girls walked through to deliver another round of shots, she calls out to him, waking up from his trance when one of his friends shakes his shoulder.

“coups, are we getting more shots or what? stop daydreaming, it’s way too lit in here for that,” he grabs the ass of the dancer that was currently grinding onto him, matching his body to her energy to mimic riding her.

“y-yeah, sorry, we’ll have more shots,” seungcheol stutters as the server puts down the tray. before she can leave though, he taps her hand.

“do you know all of the dancers here?”

“yeah..” she responds in a slightly confused tone. “why are you asking?”

cheol then points to you, thanking the gods that you didn’t disappear from his line of sight. cash now lined your pole’s platform as your hips rolled to the beat, and then dropped down into a surprise split, patrons tossing even more bills at you.

“who’s she? she’s so fucking sexy,” he sighs sweetly, wanting to leave the table and everyone else just to have even a moment with you.

“oh, that’s sage - she’s one of our main dancers. if you wanna see her dance for you though, you better ask fast. there’s a reason why she’s so popular,” she says as she walks away carrying the empty tray under her arms.

without a second thought, he gets up from the table and goes down the stairs, his friends groaning in disappointment that seungcheol was leaving them. “this is all for you and you’re leaving the fun?” someone calls out behind him.

“i’ll be back in a bit!” he waved his hand, motioning to shoo them away. “there’s something i wanna do first.” with his friends out of the way, now he could focus on what he really wanted - you.

little did the both of you know that you would meeting sooner than you thought. you needed to make your way to the dressing room to grab something, but you got so caught up in your drive that you didn’t even notice another body heading directly towards you. you and cheol then accidentally bump into each other, and luckily you’re able to regain your balance in your heels just in time.

“whoa, i’m so sorry, i didn’t see you ther-” seungcheol freezes mid-sentence when he realizes it was you he bumped into. “holy shit,” he thought to himself. you looked gorgeous from afar, but right in front of him? it was taking everything in him not to have his hard-on show.

“no, it was my bad, i wasn’t paying attention,” you respond, your voice flowing sweet like honey to him. you try to continue walking but cheol reaches out and grabs your hand. you look at him funny as he doesn’t say anything at first.

“is there something else you need?” you ask, a bit confused, wanting to hurry up and go to the dressing room.

“yeah, you,” he thinks to himself again, trying to keep his eyes on yours and not at how your boobs were almost spilling out of your olive green two-piece.

he gathers his thoughts and takes a mental sigh. “there is actually,” he smirks as he pulls you closer to his body, his hands on your waist. he whispers in your ear and it sends shivers down your spine and your core.

“lemme take you to a room, princess. i saw you dancing over there and i wanna have you all to myself.” you bit your lip hard at the proposal. while he may have awkwardly grabbed your hand and you questioned his actions for a second, you could see why practically everyone was trying to be in his section. he’s handsome as fuck, his dark hair slightly hanging over his eyes, and his black shirt and jeans defining his built body. and to top it off, he had a voice that melted you like chocolate fondue.

“how will i know that it’ll be worth it? you’re clearly not the first guy i’ve taken to a room and you definitely won’t be the last. how will you make it worth my while?” you tease him, twirling your hair in between your fingers.

he chuckles and runs his hand through his hair. “why tell you and waste time when we can just get to it now, princess?”

yup, just your style.

“wait by the bar for me?” you wink at him as you go to the dressing room, purposefully walking slower to make sure got a full view of back of your body, admiring how good your ass looked even from afar.

he couldn’t help but smile to himself as he walked to the bar, in awe at the fact that he was so damn lucky today. a successful mixtape release, a great party, and now the most gorgeous woman he ever laid eyes on was about to be in his sole presence. nothing could get better than this.

or so he thought, because later than night. things definitely got way better when you finally took him to a vip room. after you danced for him on the pole, it lead to one of the hottest lap dances you’ve ever given, which subsequently lead to seungcheol taking you down on the couch, having you scream and moan his name until you came not once, not twice, but three times in the span you two were together.

ever since then, seungcheol came to see you nearly every single week, providing you with stacks of cash, phenomenal sex, a good conversation, and sometimes even all three. you also quickly realized that cheol definitely was not one of those “wannabe soundcloud rappers.” he had the talent, charisma, and passion for the industry, and you hoped that someone would recognize him for his gifts very soon.

going back to the present, cheol speaks up getting the attention of his audience. “well sage is working tonight, and today’s the usual day i go see her, so if anyone wants to hit up club illusion with me, we’ll roll right now,” he looks down at his silver audemars piguet watch, the hands pointing very close to the 10. a few people agree to go with him, others saying that they weren’t in the mood for a strip club or they had other places to be at.

cheollie: i’ll be there soon, i just wrapped up another studio session. can’t wait to see you princess, been on my mind all day

after getting some food and chilling out, the group finally makes its way to the club, the line pretty much nonexistent at this time for a thursday night. he and his crew stick together, some of the dancers approaching them.

“hey coups,” one of the girls flirts with him, biting her lip. another dancer next to her waves her hand, flipping her hair back to show off her decorated neck, inviting seungcheol to come touch her. he nods and smiles at the both of them, but he was only interested in just one person.

“coups!” you call out for him, spotting him from a distance. you walk down from the platform - your lemon-colored sequin bikini set tracing every beautiful curve on your body, the yellow heels you wore matching perfectly. as you walk down to meet him, you can’t help but admire how sexy he looks. his blonde hair, his white shirt encapsulating his muscles, his expensive sunglasses on his forehead. seungcheol quickly embraces you when you take your last step off the stairs, hands on your waist and both your lips locking immediately. it quickly escalates, moaning into his mouth when you feel his tongue roaming yours.

his friends groan behind of him when they see how intimate you two become, seungcheol’s hands starting to palm your ass. he turns his head, chuckling at their reactions, “like what you see?” he winks at them and goes back to kissing you, hands now moving their way across your chest.

they mumble to each other and leave the two of you alone, making their way to the main floor to find a table. once you know they’re out of sight, you grab his chin, causing seungcheol to stop and look at you. “finally,” you sigh happily, kissing the inside of his neck. “i’ve been waiting for you baby.”

he caresses your cheek, “didn’t you say you had a room for me too? c’mon princess, let’s go somewhere a lot less crowded.” you take his hand and lead him to the hall of private rooms downstairs, opening the second to last one, revealing a soft, golden lit room - the furniture basked in a champagne hue, and the stage decorated in a chrome, slick black.

“welcome to the champagne room, seungcheol!” you exclaim walking him in, cheol making sure the door was closed behind you. he whistles in amazement - the two of you have been in a share of private rooms in illusion, but this is the first time he’s been in a room as decorated as this.

“a change of pace i see,” he says walking towards the center chair, taking a seat on the cushions. “why the new setting princess?” he asks, running his hand behind his hair, unintentionally making you clench with how his muscles flexed.

you sultrily saunter toward him, making sure he could see all of you, making him crave for more of you. without another word, you gingerly sit on his lap, lacing your arm around his neck. “i actually wanna try something new with you, cheol,” you sheepishly smile, looking down at his chest, fingers starting to play with the necklace he was wearing.

“we’ve done so many things in these four walls, but the one thing i haven’t done yet is give you head in the private rooms.. which is crazy now that i’ve think about it,” you let out a small laugh, mind wandering to all of the dirty things you two have done, from cheol fucking you against the wall, handcuffed to nearly having a threesome. but one of the simplest things you could’ve ever done with cheol - neither of you had acted upon it yet.

“whaddaya say? can i go down on you seungcheol?” you whisper the last few words in his ear, and he groans as he reaches for his pants and his belt, loosening it up without hesitation.

“i’m all yours baby,” he tilts your chin up to look at you. “get this dick wet like only you can.”

——

is this the first time you’ve given head at a strip club? of course not, but it’s never felt as good as tonight. you’ve seen and felt seungcheol’s dick several times, knowing he was big. but you still weren’t prepared for the feeling of bliss having him deep inside your throat.

“that’s it baby, take some more in,” he guides your head, bobbing it up and down his length, making sure your pacing wasn’t going too fast. he wanted to savor you for as long as he could.

the tip of his dick was hitting the back of your throat, and it felt so good that you felt tears might prick your eyes. you moan around him, taking it a bit faster, and he groans loudly, head tilting backward, hands roaming your hair.

“fuck.. baby, keep taking me… mmm, just like that,” he breathlessly smiles at you and you feel you immediately clench, your panties getting even wetter. you speed up your pace for the final time, and not even a minute later, he cums into your mouth, and you don’t hesitate to swallow everything he gives you.

you lick your lips and open your mouth to let him know you’ve finished, and he kisses you again, your tongue fighting for dominance as you stand up and sit in his lap. he undoes your bra as it falls onto his lap and you begin to feel his length on your panty covered crotch.

“mmm, you just can’t enough of me, can’t you cheol?” you giggle, maneuvering your fingers to pull your panties to the side. “got you so rock hard that the only thing you can think of is me, huh? you’re so down bad,” you fully sink down on him and you both moan out loud, adoring the way how both of you feel on each other.

he grabs a handful of your ass and starts groping at the skin, to which you respond by grinding down on cheol, tits slowly beginning to bounce as you established a rhythm.

“okay, so i am down bad, but what about you princess? i bet your panties got wet the second you laid eyes on me tonight,” he says planting a smack on your ass, not too hard, but definitely not soft either. “but then again, when do you not get wet when you’re around me? always so needy for me, my baby. but you’re so patient and so ready,” he begins to kiss down your chest, reaching your breasts.

“fuck- don’t stop talking, please keep going!” you moan again as you both start to speed up the pace. “i-i don’t think i’ve told you this but, i love your voice, cheol.. it melts me like butter, ah!” you exclaim as he envelops one of your nipples in his mouth, pushing his head in further so he could take more of you.

at this point, you were now fully bouncing in his lap, his hands bringing you in closer, making sure you both were body to body, as close as you could be.

“feels so good my princess, fuck yeah, keep bouncing on me like that. doing such a good job for me, pretty girl,” he can’t help but revel in your glow, the faces you’re making, and how you're riding him - he knew you weren’t too far off, and he was getting close too.

as you keep grinding down on him the coil in your belly continues to tighten, and when you finally feel it break, you can’t even give seungcheol so much as a warning when you come all over the lower half of his body.

“holy shit,” you breathe out, trying to compose yourself after the amazing orgasm you just experienced. “cheol, holy shit, you’re amazing,” you chuckle at him and smiles back at you, giving you little pecks around your face.

“nah, that’s all you, princess, no one can do me the way you do.” he stares at you lovingly and you try not to let the blush creep up your face.

——

after a few minutes go by, you both begin to put your clothes back on and you across the room for your bra top. as you bend over to get it, cheol whistles, mentally groaning at how full and pretty your ass looks from far.

“damn princess, have you been working out?” he asks coming closer, giving another smack to your cheek one more time, then putting a few bills in between the strings. you put on your bra, making sure it was decently tight.

“a little bit… you like?”

“like? more so love,” he grabs you by the waist, back flush against his body. his hands stay there, going up and down to every inch of skin. you start to sway your hips, seeing if you could get him hard again.

“ah ah,” he whispers in your ear, licking your earlobe. “don’t start anything you cant finish, sweetheart.”

“i could say the same for you, cheol,” you snake your hands up to caress his face. “but don’t you love that about me baby? when i get started, it’ll be an experience you’ll never ever forget.”

and he’ll admit it - you were right. you are addicting, irresistible, a flame that continues to burn in his heart - his forever pole princess.

[puckpocketed]

did you see PLD living his best life?? if not look at @siannickson ‘s story

shes flourishing <3

anon you were the last one to make it before i blasted my inbox of weirdos who cant remain normal about sports. hello <3 im so sorry i took so long to get back to you. my amazing colleague in PLD curation @kmercer posted the photos here they are TRULY the images of all time. like it's giving yuppie white boy who listened to one kendrick album + maaaybe an singular MF DOOM song (im talking shallowest cut!!! like, rapp snitch knishes foodie era at BEST.) and then got shitty flash tattoos and a snapback to complete his gangsta transformation. the poses are so fucking goofy and cringe and terrible. BEHOLD our disasterwife.

anyway. here's the karaoke video because i didn't see it floating around yet? i could say something here about how Mr. Brightside is the song clubs play to end the night, and how it is the perfect capstone to the Kings' utterly miserable season. but . well. the video speaks for itself:

[ID: 3 LA Kings players at a bar, singing "Mr Brightside" poorly on stage. From left to right: Pierre-Luc Dubois, Blake Lizotte, Cam Talbot. Dubois moves with the music enthusiastically. Lizotte plays guitar. Talbot stumbles on some of the words. The lighting is bisexual and everyone is having a great time. /.End ID]

[hellkitepriest]

sent @pliablehead an ask yesterday asking her to devise her ideal ee/duncles co-headline gig Experience (because its the end of august and we all need some frivolous wishful thinking) and now she wants ME to do it soooooo

my first and stupidest thought for a venue was the currently-empty pyramid on the outskirts of stockport (can you imagine. serving cult.) but honestly any "jeremy pritchard Patron Saint Of Dogshit Venues ass venue" as you put it is ideal. something where theres no actual barrier so you can stand right up against the stage. also to get tickets to this you have to have watched dave sardine at least five times im sorry "lads who know distant past from fifa" this one aint for you

goes without saying that all my friends from online and irl are there right at the front with me being annoying. god bless. /\

dutch uncles have to open with jetson again and then play just. all the bangers but ALSO accelerate and damascenes. "the duncan puppet is there and it’s probably jon doing it" really got me because yeah it WOULD be. robins hair is pink again. duncan is dancing like the fucking enter the mirror puppets as ever. they play bellio and i get directly called out about it.

ideally ee's set has a bunch of man alive stuff in there. they have to play qwerty they have to play my kz... they play photoshop handsome and jon does the "more dollar less scholar less time" actions from the 2009 mv. they're wearing the gth stuff again (they have to be you're right but also alex is wearing glasses please). the combined force of us all right in the front row yelling THE FRAGMENTS during s/s/w/d wakes alex robertshaw from his 38 year long slumber. they play software greatman (yes alex has his modular from the rdf tour again in this world I MISS HER) and then walk off and come back and do violent sun and no reptiles as an encore and we're all normal and unaffected about it. and then yes we all go to the pub afterwards because jonathan higgs and i need to drink black cherry white claws

also at some point everyone comes out and they cover fascination by alphabeat and it is absolutely a too-many-cooks situation with [checks notes] eleven people on stage but it's fine it's fun it's fresh

[henswilsons]

to love you, for god’s sake

buck/eddie | 4k+ | ao3

Mr LAFD Updates Man meets a popstar. aka bad s6 spec. aka im so sorry.

“Wait, the Palladium?” is the first thing Buck says when Bobby gets off the radio. “As in, the Hollywood Palladium?”

“I can imagine so,” Bobby says, as he starts the firetruck engine. They hadn’t even gotten back to the station before they’d been radioed for an extraction in the local area; next to Eddie, Chimney is frantically guzzling the coffee Ravi had fetched for them only seconds before. “Why, are you familiar with it?”

“I wonder,” Buck starts, and then nothing else, ears flaming red. Eddie touches their knees together. It’s mostly grounding, the way he always does whenever Buck gets cagey, but also—he knows that look.

That’s the I think we’re about to bump into an ex type look.

Eddie normally tries to pretend that Mr LAFD Updates Man is one extensive bad dream, but when he’s dating the most good-looking man in America, who has also probably hooked up with half of millennial Los Angeles, sometimes the fact he’s a semi-famous public figure comes in handy. Namely in that he watched a TED Talk about powerposing and is not necessarily above evoking the Wonderwoman stance at Buck’s shoulder if someone ever gets a little too familiar.

(Besides. He did not suffer through multiple shirtless of pictures of himself being memorialised on what Ravi has explained to him is gay Twitter for people to think his boyfriend is on the market.)

“You wonder?” he prompts mildly.

He’s expecting Buck to maybe shyly duck his head, admit that he once dated a concession girl who worked at the Hollywood Palladium, or maybe even that he hooked up with a roadie in one of the bathrooms there—but then fucking Ravi looks up sharply, too. “Did you say Hollywood Palladium?” he says.

Bobby frowns in the rearview. “Is there something I’m missing here?”

“No,” Buck and Ravi say, at the same time. Then they both wildly hold each other’s gazes like they’re daring the other to say anything.

“Wait,” Lucy says. “Isn’t that country guy doing a show there tonight?”

“Country guy?” Chimney says.

“Yeah, you know him. What’s his name—Gary something? He’s the one with the…” She does an ambiguous gesture, snapping her fingers to remember. “Glitter. And cowboy hat. Right?”

The image vaguely rings a bell in Eddie’s head. To Buck, he says, “Don’t you listen to a singer who wears glitter and cowboy hats?”

Buck’s face has steadily gone redder and redder and he’s stoutly avoiding eye contact, and oh, yeah, he so does, and yeah, this is so him. “…No.”

Eddie is delighted. “Yeah, you do. He sings that one song about moonlight, right, that you always play when you’re cooking dinner?” Cowboys Don’t Dance, is what it is. Eddie will never forget it—it’s the song they had their first kiss to, over a half-greased muffin tin and an attempt at bran cupcakes. “What’s it called again… Dancing Cowboys?”

“Oh, fuck you,” Buck says, cheeks scarlet. “You know what it’s called.”

“You’re right,” Eddie says, to be an asshole, snapping his fingers. “Cowboys Do Dance.”

“Cowboys Don’t Dance,” Ravi blurts, and then claps his hands over his mouth. Lucy looks like the cat who just got the cream. Chimney is glancing between everyone like he’s watching a ping-pong match and grinning maniacally. “It’s called Cowboys Don’t Dance and it’s by Gerald Rhinestone and he’s literally my favourite singer of all time and he’s got a show at the Palladium tonight.”

Everyone stares at him. Buck points a shaking finger at him. “You’re a Rhinestone?”

“Of course I’m a Rhinestone,” Ravi snaps. “I have a Twitter account.”

“His name is Gerald Rhinestone?” Chimney says. He looks like he’s trying not to burst into laughter. “Is that a stage name?”

“Yes,” Buck says, “obviously. His real name is Dom Simmons.”

Eddie is so, so fucking charmed. “Obviously.”

“Don’t even start with me,” Buck says to him. “I know you know what that song was called.”

“Now, I’m not insinuating anything,” Chimney says, “but all I am saying is that that name sounds like it belongs to a gay pornstar.”

“Are we about to meet Gerald Rhinestone?” Ravi says, panicked. “Cap, did they say anything?”

Bobby’s voice is bubbling with laughter when he says, “No, dispatch did not let me know if there was a popstar there as well.”

“He’s not a popstar,” Buck says, “he’s a country star.”

“There’s a difference,” Ravi says.

“Man,” Lucy says. “I did not think the inside of his firetruck could possibly get any gayer after Buck and Eddie got together. And yet here are.”

Ravi maturely sticks his tongue out at her, and she sticks hers out in return. Hen says, “Oh, Karen loves Gerald Rhinestone. She always plays his music around the house when she’s cleaning.”

“What does she listen to?” Buck says.

“Her favourite is that one about horses. What’s it called—Ride?”

“Ride Until We Die,” Buck says. To Ravi, he mouths, basic, and Ravi nods gravely. Hen catches him and kicks him. “Sorry, but it is!”

Before they can start squabbling, the truck comes to a stop. “Okay, we’re here,” Bobby says, and then, before any of them can get out, he turns around in his seat, hooking an arm over the back of it, and looks at Buck and Ravi. “If—and I mean if—your Gary Rhinestone—”

“Gerald,” Ravi mumbles.

“—is in there, I want you to remember that we’re professionals and we have a job to do. I understand being starstruck—goodness knows when I met Scott Hamilton I blacked out—but we’re going into an active medical scene here, and I need you to keep your heads on. Am I understood?”

“Yes, Cap,” Buck and Ravi say. Eddie squeezes Buck’s knee.

“Who’s Scott Hamilton?” Chimney says.

Bobby frowns at him. “You don’t know Scott Hamilton?” Chimney shrugs. Bobby looks at everyone in the truck, and is greeted by blank faces. “Scott Hamilton? He won the Olympic gold in the 1984 Winter Olympics?”

There is a pause. “Oh, that Scott Hamilton,” Chimney says, feebly. Bobby just huffs a laugh and climbs out the truck.

Everyone follows suit, Hen and Ravi still hotly debating at how many songs and which ones they are can someone claim themselves a fan, but Eddie lingers to the back, with Buck, whose feet slow on the sidewalk outside the truck as he gapes at the big neon GERALD RHINESTONE sign across the front of the venue. He looks completely awestruck, and even though they’re at work, Eddie can’t help but nudge their hips together, just a little, coming to a stop beside him: Bobby’s at the front, anyway.

“You doing okay?” he teases, softly.

“I think I’m about to die,” Buck says. “God, Eddie, what if he’s there? What if I meet Gerald Rhinestone?”

“It’s two in the afternoon, sweetheart,” Eddie says. “You really think he’ll be there this early?”

“I don’t know! Maybe!” Buck presses a grieved hand to his forehead. It’s kinda hysterical how nervous he looks. If Eddie were any less secure in their relationship, he might have started getting jealous. “How’s my hair?”

“It looks good,” Eddie says; means it, because of course it does, because it’s Buck, who’s beautiful even when it’s curling and hanging over his forehead, but who also takes care to gel and comb it into place every morning. Buck smiles, a little surprised, anyway.

“Yeah?” he says.

“Yeah,” Eddie says. “Of course. You always look good.”

Buck’s smile comes a little softer. “You knew the name of the song, didn’t you? In the truck?”

“I’m not going to forget something like that.” He means that, too, because it’s not every day you kiss the love of your goddamn life for the first time, yanking open the front door, still in his dispatch uniform, Buck having beat him home by twenty minutes and stress-baking muffins for Christopher’s bake sale that Friday, barely getting a “hey” out before Eddie had strode across the kitchen, taken his face in his hands, and kissed him fucking silly—but also because the song is called Cowboys Can’t Dance. That’s the name of the song they had their first kiss to. Cowboys Can’t Dance.

It could have been worse, is how he comforts himself. He knows Buck unironically has Wonderwall on that playlist.

“Buckley! Diaz!” Bobby calls, halfway up the steps to the entrance. “You coming?”

“You’re a romantic piece of shit sometimes, Diaz,” Buck says, but he gets in an ass-pinch before he’s dancing up the steps, laughing delightedly as Eddie chases him up. “Hey, this is workplace harassment!”

It appears he’s mostly forgotten about Gerald Rhinestone, but it doesn’t last long. Someone harried greets them in the foyer, leading them into the mostly-empty auditorium, which is predominantly populated by venue and tour staff carting around wires and roadcases. “He must have completely misjudged the end of the stage,” the woman is explaining as she hurries down the aisle, the 118 close at her heels. “They were just rehearsing for the set tonight and then he fell into the orchestra pit. He’s okay, I think, he’s talking and awake and lucid, but I think he’s done something to his ankle.”

“Thank you, ma’am,” Bobby says. “We’ll take it from here.”

She nods gratefully, clasping her hands into a worried knot beneath her chin, and steps back, allowing them to all peer over the edge of the orchestra pit.

To Eddie, it just looks like a regular guy on the floor, surrounded by people all still carrying instruments, but from beside him Buck lets out a squeak and Ravi mumbles something that sounds like a prayer for help. Eddie glances at them, but then Bobby is calling down, “LAFD, sir, just hold on for us a little longer,” and is herding them all down staircase on the side of the pit to enter in.

“How are you boys doing?” Hen teases as they descend.

“I think I’m about to die,” Ravi says faintly.

“I heard you praying,” Chimney says. “I didn’t know you were religious.”

“I was blaspheming and hoping God would just kill me.”

Eddie hides a smile. “There’s something kinda wrong with both of you.”

“Okay, funny, Mr Breakdown,” Ravi snits, and Eddie says, mostly on instinct, “LAFD Updates Man, actually.”

Ravi glowers. “I liked you better when you were straight.”

Buck lets out a hysterical giggle.

Eddie’s eyes adjust when they get to the bottom of the stairs. He’s never been one for live theatre—why see people from far away onstage when you could just watch a movie?—but he had definitely misjudged how big orchestra pits are. In his head, they’d always been huge, but this one is small, and crowded—both enough so that there’s really nowhere for Buck to escape to, though Eddie can tell he wants to as they all shoulder their way through what presumably is the band, still holding their instruments and looking worried.

And then—

“I told y’all,” says the man, still on the ground. He looks relatively okay, aside from his ankle, which is twisted at a nasty angle and beginning to go purple. Someone’s elevated it on a chair, and there’s a person behind him helping him sit upright. “You didn’t need to call 911.”

“Were you expecting to play the set with a snapped ankle, Dom?” a lady holding a banjo says to him.

“Well, no, but we could have just driven me. I’m so sorry about the inconvenience,” the man adds to Bobby, at the front of the group, and though he’s not talking to him directly Buck goes a pretty pink all over. “Thank y’all for coming all this way.”

“Not a problem,” Bobby says. “We were in the area.” He nods behind him. “Hen, Chim, can you check his ankle? Eddie, check for any head injuries.

“Cap, yes, Cap,” Chimney says, because he likes to think he’s funny, and then they’re swanning over, Hen and Chimney settling beside his elevated ankle and Eddie crouching next to him, pulling out his penlight.

“How’s your head, sir?” he says. The man turns to look at him, and—yeah, okay, Eddie gets the hype now. He’s more into the stocky guys himself, hence Buck, who is built like a barn, but he can’t deny that this is a beautiful man in front of him, all green eyes and dark hair. He can imagine this dude probably makes a killing on dating apps, especially if he looks at people the way he’s looking at Eddie. Damn, Eddie can’t imagine what he’d be like if he actually turned it on.

“Oh, all good,” the man says. He does a once-over of Eddie, probably verifying that he’s LAFD. “I didn’t hit it when I fell.”

His banjo player sighs somewhere above them. “Yeah, because you landed feet-first like an idiot and crumpled like a Coke can.”

“I’m just going to check your pupils, to be safe,” Eddie says, and flashes the penlight at the man’s eyes. (Or—he’s not really the man, considering Eddie knows who he is, but what does he call him? Gerald Rhinestone? Dom? Just Gerald? He feels as though Gerald Rhinestone must be in all capitals whenever he says it in his head.) The man’s eyes look more than fine, though his pupils are a little dilated. Eddie frowns, putting the penlight down. Maybe it’s just a little dark in here. “Can you tell me your name?”

“Gerald,” the man says, which at least saves Eddie the panic of deciding what to call him in his head. He holds out his hand, even though Eddie hadn’t been introducing himself. “And yours?”

“Uh,” Eddie says. “I’m Eddie.”

He shakes his hand. Gerald holds on for a little long. There is a choking noise behind them.

“Say,” Gerald says, finally. “You look kinda familiar.”

“Just one of those faces, I guess,” Eddie says. “Can you tell me the date?”

Gerald ignores him, squinting. It’s not until his friend holding him up sucks in a breath and says, “Holy shit, are you that Twitter guy?” that he seems to land on where he recognises him from.

And of course, it’s Twitter. It’s always fucking Twitter.

“Yes,” Eddie says, a little resigned. Whichever influencer slid into his DMs to reassure him that the internet’s memory was fleeting and he’d be back to his normal life in a manner of weeks was talking from their ass, because it’s been nearly a year and he’s still getting this sort of shit. (He supposes it doesn’t help that Josh is apparently still milking his likeness all over Twitter for dispatch interaction. Not that he knows this, because he deleted Twitter.) “Can you tell me the date, Gerald?”

“November twelfth,” Gerald says, and his eyes do another deliberate drag down Eddie’s body. It’s not until what definitely sounds like Buck from behind him makes a wheezing sound that Eddie realises, with a sudden start, that he thinks he might be getting hit on. “You’re impressive up close, Mr LAFD Updates.”

Eddie cannot be getting hit on by the man who wrote the song he had his first kiss with Buck with. This can’t really be happening.

“You should see him from far away,” Chimney jokes, from still beside his ankle. “Gets so much more handsome when you can’t see his face properly.”

Eddie is a professional, so he doesn’t flip him off, but then Gerald says, “Mm, I don’t know about that,” and he nearly chokes.

“Uh,” he says.

Thankfully, Bobby, his guardian angel, unknowingly descends on them, placing a hand on his shoulder. “How’s our friend, Eddie?” he says.

Eddie bluescreens for a second longer, Gerald still smirking at him, before he remembers, oh, yeah, technically in a workplace, and snaps back into action. “Doesn’t look like he obtained any head injuries—I think it may just be the ankle that got injured.”

“Good,” Bobby says. To Gerald, he says, “Our paramedics are just splinting your ankle so we can lift you onto a stretcher—you’ll be out of here in no time, sir.”

“Thank you,” Gerald says, though this is more of a leer to Eddie than anything.

To Eddie’s surprise, Bobby doesn’t move away at this; he stays, hand still on Eddie’s shoulder, as if deliberating something. Then finally, he leans forward a little furtively. “I have two firefighters behind me who are big fans,” he says, lowly. “Do you mind terribly if they come say hello? I think they’re both jumping out of their skin.”

Gerald laughs. “Of course. I love meeting fans.” He winks at Eddie, who feels himself traitorously blush a little. (Look, he can’t help it, okay? Gerald Rhinestone is a handsome dude.)

Bobby hasn’t even properly straightened before Buck and Ravi are making beelines, Lucy swaggering behind them, snapping at her gum with her arms folded. Eddie feels Buck’s hand dust across his shoulder, and he reaches up to smooth a hand over it before it then basically pushes him out the way and Buck settles in next to him, eyes huge and wide. “Hi, Mr Rhinestone,” he squeaks. “I’m a huge fan.”

He holds out his hand. Gerald laughs warmly and shakes it. “Nice to meet you,” he says. “What’s your name?”

Buck evidently did not anticipate getting this far, because he just kind of gapes. Eddie magnanimously steps in.

“This is Buck,” he says, and Gerald’s smile gets a little smirkier. “And that’s Ravi.”

“Hi,” Ravi manages, still stood. “I really like your vest.”

Gerald looks down at himself like he’d forgotten what he was wearing. For the first time, Eddie properly registers the pink sparkly waistcoat, unbuttoned to show off a lot of his tanned hairless chest. “Oh, thank you,” he says. “I like your… gear.”

Ravi giggles. (Fucking giggles!) Buck just keeps kinda gaping.

“I was just getting acquainted with your coworker here,” Gerald continues, and oh no. “He was just telling me about his stint as Mr LAFD Updates Man.”

“Oh, I wasn’t,” Eddie says, but it falls on deaf ears.

“I have to say, I’m a big fan,” Gerald says. “I turned on post notifications and everything.”

“Wow,” Ravi says, dreamily.

“That’s nice,” says Eddie.

“And when I saw him today,” Gerald continues, “I almost couldn’t believe it. It’s not every day you meet a celebrity.”

Buck and Ravi are nodding so intently Eddie’s a little afraid for their necks. “Sure isn’t,” Buck agrees, as Ravi says solemnly, “So true.”

Eddie laughs nervously. “Ah, well. I wouldn’t call myself a celebrity.”

“Mm,” Gerald says, still smirking. “Say, Mr LAFD Updates Man, I don’t suppose I could get a photo?”

Eddie—blinks. “Of me?”

“Well, sure,” Gerald agrees easily, “but I was hoping with you.”

Eddie glances at Buck. He’s not sure what he’s expecting, but it’s certainly not for Buck to be looking at him like he’s stupid. “It’s rude to keep someone waiting, Eddie,” he says.

And—okay. Well, then. “Uh, sure,” Eddie says, thrown. He’s had to get good at selfies, unfortunately, considering after the first one was posted online he has been exponentially accosted with more people asking for them, and due to the nature of his job this wouldn’t be the first that’s been taken on a medical scene—his personal favourite was with the girl who had accidentally been shot in the leg with a crossbow—but it is the first that he can see, in his peripheral, Buck and Ravi desperately trying to get in the frame of in the background. Gerald leans a little too close as he takes the picture—Buck’s eyebrow and birthmark makes it in, as does the flick of Ravi’s hair—and then, to Eddie’s surprise, passes the phone to him.

“To put your number in,” he says.

Eddie gapes at him, and then turns to frown at Buck. Buck prods, “Eddie, give the man your number.”

“Oh my God,” Eddie says, but does as he’s told. He doesn’t put a name, which maybe was a bad idea, because Gerald does so himself when he passes it back, as Mr LAFD Updates Man and a—Christ alive—eggplant emoji—yeah, after dating Buck for a year Eddie now knows what that means.

“I’ll text you, cowboy,” Gerald says, with a wink.

“…Okay,” Eddie says. This is bizarre. This whole day is bizarre. Buck vibrating next to him is absolutely bizarre.

“Can we get pictures too?” Ravi pipes.

And so Gerald fucking Rhinestone takes photos with both Ravi and Buck, and then also Hen for Karen, and records a video for Ravi’s Twitter followers, and then his manager asks if they want to take a group picture for his social media and Eddie somehow ends up between Buck and Gerald—who is still on the floor with a broken ankle, may he add—and feels like he’s stepped into an alternate dimension.

This is the weirdest fucking day of his life.

Finally, Hen and Chimney help him onto a backboard, and Buck and Chimney carry him out the auditorium and into the ambulance. By now, they’ve garnered company, and Bobby as well as the venue staff are standing shoulder to shoulder trying to keep the fans back. Gerald doesn’t help, waving to them from his backboard like a king on a dais, and then someone shrieks, “That’s Mr LAFD Updates Man!” and Eddie pretty much makes a run for the firetruck.

“Holy shit,” Ravi says, once they’ve all climbed in. “What just happened. I think I blacked out.”

“I cannot believe you got his fucking number,” Lucy says, with a laugh.

“Yeah, neither can I,” Eddie says, and knocks his knee pointedly into Buck’s. Buck is still vibrating a little—it’s kinda adorable, how fucking psyched he is, like a kid with an ice cream, but also Eddie needs some clarity here. “Why didn’t you say anything?”

“Uh, because Gerald Rhinestone was hitting on you?” Buck says. “Baby, I wouldn’t even be upset if you left me for him.”

Eddie gapes. Fucking gapes. Ravi says, “Word,” from behind his phone, probably live-Tweeting this whole conversation. Eddie wonders if it’s worth it to fall out the truck into moving traffic.

“What?” he says. “Why would I do that?”

He’s dismayed, actually, that Buck would say that, and Buck must notice, because he quickly takes his hand. “Hey, I’m kidding,” he says. “If you left me for him I’d be fucking devastated. Like, the kind of devastation I don’t think I could ever recover from.” The rest of the truck are politely pretending not to hear this. “It’s just… you know. He’s Gerald Rhinestone. I’d let you.”

Eddie is so, so confused. “Let me what?”

“You know. Have sex with him.”

Chimney barks with laughter and Hen elbows him. She is looking so pointedly out the window that her neck is almost at a full one-eighty turn. Eddie repeats, “Have sex with Gerald Rhinestone.”

“I’d be ashamed of you if you didn’t.”

“What the fuck,” Eddie says. “Why would I want to have sex with Gerald Rhinestone?”

Buck owlishly blinks at him. “Did you not see him?”

“I mean—yeah, I was there.”

“He’s hot like burning.”

“I mean, I guess,” Eddie says. “But why would I want to have sex with anyone who wasn’t you?”

“Oh, Jesus Christ,” Lucy mutters, and Chimney starts rolling down the window, probably to make his escape, but all Eddie can focus on is Buck, the way his face softens, eyes growing soppy—but also so in love Eddie aches a little.

“You sweet-talker, you,” Buck says, softly.

“I’m serious.”

“I know, and I’m mad, because if our positions were swapped I probably would have sex with Gerald Rhinestone.” Eddie elbows him. “I’m joking!”

“You’re so not,” Eddie says, and Buck grins at him, kinda guilelessly. Big burly overcoats and seatbelts be damned, Eddie throws an arm around his shoulders, and Buck obligingly tips, head on his shoulder. “It’s okay. I’d probably have sex with Ryan Reynolds if he asked.”

Buck bites a little at his shoulder. “Asshole,” he says, but his fingers find Eddie’s anyway, link together even when he sits up. They don’t hold hands much at work, at most just a quick squeeze, but here, neither of them let go.

Bobby says, from the front of the truck, “That was information I didn’t need to know about either of you.”

“This whole thing is going on Twitter, by the way,” Ravi says. “So you know.”

Buck squeezes his hand and smiles at him, bright-eyed and pink-cheeked. For the first time, Eddie can’t say he cares.

[forlorn-crows]

Just stopping by to say this (also sorry in advance, english is not my first language)

some of these headcanon critiques are a bit.. hurtful in a way - especially coming from a system POV who has system members of the band members that while are different, are sort of how people normally portray i guess you could say. we have a dewdrop that's very i guess you could say fem and subby, ect ect. And reading some of these hurt a lot. and sort of felt like .. a slap to the face almost. Our Dewdrop headmate is now sort of afraid to even make a post about their own headcanons of themselves because they don't want to be bashed for it or bullied for it. These critiques come across as straight up bashing vs critiques.

-🌙☀️

please note that these second two screenshots were part of longer submissions, but these parts i still wanted to include. i hope they dont seem out of context.

to our system friend here, hi. im sorry that what i and/or others have said hurt you. it was not my intent to come across as bashing, and i know i have a tendency to be 'loud' about certain things, etc. absolutely not an excuse, and im sorry if others felt that they were unwelcome to speak up. so, i appreciate those who did stop by to say so.

i wont backpedal on my opinions, though. i tried multiple times to make clear that almost everything about these ghouls is headcanon, and you are absolutely free to say 'fuck off crow, i like dew being x y z'.

if your dew is more feminine and submissive, then that is a-okay. but, the way the ghouls sometimes are portrayed can be very two dimensional. many of us, essentially, would like to see a bit more variety, even if your characters still fit this common fanon characterization.

like our second anon here has said, these common characterizations are understandable, due to how they act on stage. hell, rain was called 'bambi' for a little bit because he kept tripping over his own damn legs. their stage presence still plays a part in their personalities, absolutely.

to what extent, of course, varies from person to person. ive seen many a headcanon say that 'dew only acts that way onstage, hes actually really shy/reserved in person' just as an example. and all of these things that we think about the offstage characters is technically correct because we dont have a basis for it otherwise.

the original intent of the asks last night was simply to discuss headcanons/characterizations people liked the least. and im sorry if it resulted in something that felt placating, invalidating, or just mean. again, i tried to state in multiple different ways that those things were what i headcanon. not that people are 'wrong' for thinking x y z about a character. i dont even agree about everything that my friends think about these ghouls. and thats fine. i wouldnt want everyone to just think like me either bc then its just a boring echo chamber. many of the things i spoke about, if i come across them, i just skip and move on with my day. everyone has different ideas, and sometimes its just not for me. just like my ideas arent for everyone either.

you have full autonomy to post and think and create anything you want about ghost. what i dont want is people thinking im some kind of authority, or that people arent welcome to say their thoughts. i wanted (and still want) these things to be a discussion, an open forum for people to talk about their headcanons that may differ from the norm.

with all this being said, i want everyone to have fun here, and i dont want anyone to feel pushed out of a fandom because one or two loud people 'dont like' what they believe about silly nameless ghouls in a rock band.

i want people to feel like they can write characters differently than others, or if you enjoy those common characterizations, that you recognize when things might slip across those lines we spoke about yesterday. that everyone is critical when warranted, not just because someone said they dont agree with you. you feel me? and if you dislike something, and want to see something specific, you have the ability to create those things if you wish! thats the beauty of it all.

i know these are not fun conversations to have, and that some people might feel defensive about specific topics. but we all need to understand there are nuances to situations, to opinions, to people. okay?

xx

[the1975attheirverybest]

Hello I wanted to talk to you about something. Would like to hear your opinion on it because I really respect it. So on Twitter Trumanblack was trening lately and I saw people being mad that truman Black came back.

Here's couple of tweets, to show you the perspective:

,He is escaping the reality through this character. Being sincere and open is the way to live life not hiding behing fictional characters. He needs to grow up and realize where his priorities are.

Ofc, we do not know him. His choice, his life.

Or

what the fuck happened matty. I don't understand what you're doing right now. should have left Truman in the trash. I don't get it.

Or

This. It seems he was used to dealing with difficult emotions through avoiding them in stage character (he admitted to this in an interview recently) & he wanted to ditch the character & embrace the emotions/be sincere things maybe got too raw & real so he is back in charakter

I'm sorry this message is so long. I'm just thinking about it all. Do you think 'matty' is gone and he will be acting and all that in the upcoming tour? Cause I wouldnt like it and it won't be good for him too :/

Again sorry this is so long

No, I mean, this is an interesting topic that I think we should 100% get into to "warm up" for the tour. I bet we'll have even more to say once we start getting content from the first new shows in September. (omg not too far away now aaaahhhh), so everyone feel free to chime in, but basically, here is how I think about it ( this is probs gonna be long. apologies in advance. im gonna add a "keep reading" so i dont destroy y'all feeds).

The first thing we need to remember is that Matty's "Truman Black" persona pre-dates the ATVB tour. He's always been "Truman Black." He's always been a jokester, a meme lord, a bit chaotic, a bit sexy, a pastiche or caricature of himself.

The question, then, is why? Why does he do this?

For several reasons. And he's been nothing but honest with us about them.

From as early on as 23 years old, when ST first started blowing up and the boys cultivated a following, Matty became acutely aware of the spotlight and the way that fans idealized and idolized him. Sexually desired him, saw him as this rockstar figure. And it made him uncomfortable because, well, no real human being could live up to such a fantasy, right? That's really what the song "Love Me" is about. He experienced this during album 1 and instantly wrote about it for album 2. like thats how strongly he felt it. He's more eloquent about it than I can ever be, so I'm going to link you to his explanation of "Love Me."

so, as he's pointing out in his explanation, he plays this kinda ridiculous character to "subvert" expectations. right? even in the mv, he has cardboard cut outs of sex symbols and heart throbs like Harry Styles etc. and he takes his shirt off and stands next to them and makes out with them and all that. Usually, the normal rockstar-fan relationship is that we project our fantasy upon the rockstar and the rockstar accepts it obligingly. But Matty's going "well this is really kinda silly, and it makes me feel sooo disconnected from myself if i turn into this person everyone thinks i am, so what am i gonna do? oh I'll just lean into the silliness." so if he can't do the "fake authenticity" of the cliched rockstar, hes gonna do a very authentic fakeness of being loud, and silly goofy funny messy larger than life, etc.

He explains it here (I've cued it up to the right moment in the video). He's right, if you're a stranger and you know nothing about him and you see him behaving in a Truman-black-esque way, you'd think "wow what an arrogant piece of shit this dude is." BUT if you realize that he's like "i KNOW that you all think of me this way. And YOU (the fans) know that I know that you think that way." we become in on the joke.

You know what im gonna say here. Postmodernism. LMAO. No, but for real. Postmodern art naturally has this "meta" habit. It's art that knows itself as art. It's aware that it's not real. Like movies that are constantly referring to themselves as movies. breaking the experience of illusion for you by constantly reminding you that what you are watching has been filmed and edited. it's not real life. Thats what Matty does with the "rockstar persona" constantly reminding you "it's not real. im just a character made up in all our heads. I'm actually a normal human being but my job is kinda fuckin mental."

So, I think those 4 points, from VERRRYYY early in Matty's career are the genesis of Truman Black. Thats what "Truman Black" is based on.

You could ask, well, if Matty has been this way from the very beginning how come it's such a problem now? how come this whole thing is a new issue??

I think its the perfect storm of this year.

The ATVB show was designed to push the blurry lines between Matty Healy/ Truman Black to their very limits cuz they added extra layers of meta-theatricality to an already meta situation haha. He plays himself in the couch scene, and the raw meat scene, but he's also kind of playing a symbolic version of himself that's supposed to apply to a lot of straight men, but then the show is also about the lines between his personal and his public lives.

Then he goes and does the Truman Black rockstar shit in the second half of the show. So, the tour really could've been called "Matty Healy: At His Very Truman Black-esque" and it would have been accurate. Like he took this concept and stretched it to see how far it could take him.

Then of course you have the podcast thing, the taylor swift thing, the twitter cancelation cycles, etc etc etc.

There were so many new eyes on him. and so much out of context (remember, meta-theatricality needs context. needs the audience to be in on the joke. we have to know 'oh hes making fun of himself being a rockstar') cuz if we don't have the context he really comes off as a guy who's in love with himself and his rockstar status haha.

Now that alllll of this background is out of the way, lets discuss the questions that you've brought up.

Is he Matty or is he Truman Black?

I think lots of people didn't notice that when he threw out the lab coat that was labeled "truman black" in the video, he wasn't serious. he instantly starts doing the robot dance, flipping the camera off with his finger, acting disruptive by riding the trolley thingy. All Truman Black behavior: mischief, breaking rules, etc. so it was a "meta" joke. he tossed the character then acted like the character. a contradiction. ironic. Truman Black's never been gone! he and Matty are intertwined necessarily. you can't separate one from the other.

Is he gonna be acting at all in S...ATVB?

Yes. He will. He's working with Brad Troemel whose sense of humor is very close to Matty's and who loves irony and postmodernism.

Does he use Truman Black to "hide from difficult situations" or to "run from his emotions" or whatever that tweet was saying? no. He uses it to deliver social critique. About masculinity being ridiculous, about our relationship to artists and the fantasy of perfection in Rockstar cliches, about performative wokeness.

Those are the very same beliefs that Matty Healy believes in. hes always criticizing these things in interviews and speeches and stuff. So, no, hes not hiding behind the character to disassociate he IS the same guy, just a slightly less dramatized and exaggerated version.Thats why he doesn't completely turn it on or off at any time. Thats why it's not that he was willing to stop it for a relationship and then start it again when it didn't work out. Thats not how Matty operates at allll.

He didn't throw out his belief that performative wokeness is harmful and stupid, he didn't throw out his belief that leftist masculinity is confusing, he didn't change who he is at his very core just to be mr nice guy, or to be sincere, or to get his dick sucked off by Taylor Swift, or whatever these people think is the reason. He's always been this way; he very likely will always be this way. Thats just how he makes art and how he thinks about the world.

He's always BEEN open to embracing emotions and being sincere. "I love you, don't you mind?" "we're only human we're just like you man" "I'll quote on the road like a twat," "im petrified of being alone, its pathetic," "im just pissed off because you pied me off after your show," "you pick a fight and i'll define it" "i said its cool i was messing but its true," "pretend that i know what it is (i wasn't listening)" "sorry that I quite like seeing myself on the news. im sorry that im someone that i wish i could change, but ive always been the same."

would an emotionally stunted anti-sincerity guy write ANY OF THESE LYRICS? idk, you tell me.

[aster-aeliana]

Hello (Here's to hoping I can work with this)!

[Image ID: A banner that says: ‘To break free from the JRWI RP industrial complex, feel free to block the ‘#just role(play) with it’ tag. End Image ID.]

Connor suggested coming to Tumblr to try and see we can gather any clues about what happened a couple days ago (which, btw, if you have any ideas at all or remember anything from WyldRyatts yesterday, don't hesitate to message us).

My name is Aster and I use she/her, but they/them or it/itself pronouns are fun too. If you need to ask Ryan Selucreh or Connor Connors a question, I don't think they're on tumblr yet, very sorry.

wait why is the title aster and b-

hi me biwi call wahtever me rat no care. develope typign skdi9ls slwoly giv em power to understnd ou nio telk,m mytrhebormne cerw ijkm hereer

After recent discoveries, we've found a way to remove Biwi from posting on our tumblr (credit to @arcadianxanadus for the informing that he was here), so yay! By the way, we can't seem to find him, has anyone seen him? (BWI MESAGE DO NTO TELL IM @ratbiwirattime HREHEERH)

edit: hello everyone! I forgot to say sooner, but both Ryan (@ryan-selucreh) and Connor (@connorfrombofa) are on here! Also my dad and Romeo, and Jasmine recently, hooray!

with the newer rp people from the suckening AND prime defenders, i think its time i make my own for my favorite under-rated campaign! AND YES I DID MAKE BIWI THE FUCKING RAT SHARE AN ACCOUNT WITH ASTER SUE ME

im normally @s0lar-ch3ri and shit so yeah. will i probably make a seperate account for biwi soon? yes. but not now

im gonna change up the profile and shit soon, just making a post so mutuals arent alarmed if im following them now and shit

#biwi entertainment cheese - biwis in control of the account today (not used on this blog)

#in character aster! - as it says, aster aeliana in character

#off stage water break - out of character posts/reblogs

#aster can answer that! - answering asks in character for aster

#biwi hears. - he will take your question. (not used on this blog)

@red-might-be-dead AY I FUCKING DID IT NOW I GOTTA DO MCS

CREDIT TO @ripells FOR THE PFP USAGE

[jordie-gvf]

now, FUCK OFF!, josh

summary : behind the scenes of the Atlantic City rhinestoned diary

warnings : language, sexy josh, josh being josh, allusions to sex

word count : less than 1k, 849 to be exact. im sorry its so short!

enjoy 🫶

There was no doubt that Josh was chaotic. All the stories you heard from Karen when he and Jake were little. Now that you were on tour with him, you saw how chaotic he actually was. 

Josh had always gotten ready for a show about 5 hours beforehand. You were on the couch in his dressing room when Jenn walked in, ready to put the rhinestones on Josh's cheeks. 

Kaitlyn walked in, ready to film the rhinestoned diary. Jake walked into Josh's dressing room, ready to see one of the famous rhinestoned diaries being filmed. Kaitlyn started recording as Josh started to speak. 

“And now for another entry in my rhinestoned diary on this Dreams in Gold circus. We're excited to be here in Las Vegas to play one of the last shows of the year,” He said.

Jake corrected him, “Uh Josh”

Josh said, “Yeah?”

Jake continued, “Were in Atlantic City,” 

“Atlantic City? What the fuck is Atlantic City known for?” Josh questioned

“Salt water taffy, obviously.” Jake said

Josh looked up and said, “Salt water taffy? I would love to have salt water taffy, but you know what I can't have? Sugar, for instance, which is candy, which is salt water taffy. You know what I have? You know what I have?”

He went over to his vanity and grabbed all his pills and multivitamins. He grabbed two handfuls of them and shoved them towards the camera. “All these goddamn pills, that’s all I fucking have. I cant even breathe like a normal fucking person!” and slammed the humidifier down onto the floor.

“Now, FUCK OFF!” He finished as Kaitlyn moved her phone away.

He grabbed his humidifier off the floor and asked you to make him his hot toddy. “Mama, can you make my drink for me?” He asked. You nodded and went over to the tea kettle. You added water and made his drink just how he liked it, barely any tea and mostly whiskey. 

He grabbed from your hand and pulled you in by your waist. “Thank you mama.” You smiled and pressed a light kiss into his neck. He giggled and pulled away from you. “Do you think Jenn would get mad if we cuddled on this couch really quick?” You smiled and shook your head no. You laid on the couch first and he put his hot toddy down, and laid right on top of your chest. 

You played with his hair and he said, “Have I ever told you how much I love you being on the road with me? I have you right here with me at all times and I've never been more happy.” He looked up at you and you leaned down and kissed his forehead. 

Jenn walked into Josh's room and said, “Josh, you're on in five.” 

He sighed and put his head back down. He sat up, took one look at your boobs and said, “They're kinda like bongos,” and started to tap on them with his hands like a drum. You looked at him and said, “Yeah and they're all yours,” and smirked. He grabbed your face and kissed you. He used his left hand to grab your boob and made out with you. You pulled away and told him that he needed to go on stage. He reluctantly backed off and kissed you once more.

He left the room as Jita walked in and sat with you on the couch. You grabbed her hand and you two made your way to the wings and watched from there.

When they were finished, Josh ran over to you. At all of the shows you went to, he always saved a rose for you. He handed you the white rose and said, “for my lovely lady,” grabbed your hand and went back to his dressing room. 

“I need to shower ASAP. Let's go back to the hotel.” He said.

He said goodnight to the boys and you two made your way back to the hotel room.

He got in the shower and you set out his pajamas for him, underwear. He got out of the shower and saw you laying down in the bed, book in your hand. He walked over to the bed and said, “do you have all your skincare stuff? Can you do mine for me?” You nodded and got up to get your toiletry bag. 

Josh sat down on the bed and you sat on top of his legs. He told you he washed his face in the shower, so all you had to do was apply your toner, serums, oils, and moisturizer. You started with the toner and soaked a cotton pad with it. He put his hands on the sides of your thighs and rubbed up and down.

You finished his skincare and he held you on top of him. “Josh, I'm gonna be honest, seeing you on stage is so hot.” you told him.

He opened his eyes and grabbed the side of your neck and pulled you in for a kiss. 

That's a hella way to end the night.

[pixelkip]

Guess who finally played her favorite touhou game character/setting-wise. which also happens to be the most infuriating,ly hard game in the entire fucking series

sorry i . i need to be feral about this game just bear with me please .

this is my first time listening to the entire ost toghether in a WHILE and holy fuck does it hit different when youre actually playing

fuck yea dude that music sure is c a v e

who gave a first stage boss the right to have such a fucking banger.

I AM EATING THE XYLOPHONE OR WHATEVER HTE FUCK IT IS. ITS SO GOOD OUGHGH KDFJJHKLDFGDFG JADGML

parsee's theme makes me wanna cry thanks zun for making me feel for the most frustrating early game boss ever

yuugi pplease step on me i mean what

i went fucking apeshit just seeing the palace of earth spirits in-game for myself for the first time. the komejis were like,. the first 2hus i got really attached to so yknow im very normal about them i promise. <= proud owner of (bootleg) fumos of both of them

SATORI SATORI SATORI SATORI SATORI SATORI SATORI

i fucking squealed like an idiot when satori maiden started playing . its so. aughhghg <33333

its a damn good thing i'd already listened to Lullaby For Deserted Hell a million times before i played this bc otherwise that stage wouldve made me despise it.

if i ever make it to that extra stage (unlikely bc im struggling to even get through stage 5 on easy) i think ill actually cry . partially bc of the difficulty but also .,. as any of my friends know im totally sane about koishi and Last Remote and Hartmann's Youaki Girl so very normal i promi se all that being said this game pisses me off more than any other game has before. what do you MEAN CONTINUE MAKES ME RESTART THE STAGE AND BOMBS RELY ON POWER LEVEL at the same time tho i am injecting it directly into my bloodstream. Any of my non touhou nerd friends for the love of fuck listen to the Subterranean Animism ost. please . its so good.

[vomitpukey]

Im here for the um here about the staf? Im interested it sounds interesting

Foaming at the mouth rn prepare thyself for a long post.

Story-Time at Freddy's is a game created by @directdogman. (I'd also highly recommend their newer way more polished game Dialtown! Sorry, Hound, for the ping) It's a purely text-based visual novel that follows newly hired Freddy's nightguard, Jeff.

It's p short, took me about 40-ish minutes to beat, you can play it here (see link below) if you'd like! Spoilers below the cut (warning im prolly mixing up the timing of certain events i need to replay this game lmao).

Jeff goes to this dingy ass old crusty pizza joint to get a job, is immediately told by the local crazy person and former freddys employee Fritz that the place is extra-haunted. Bill Afton, the owner of the place, stops him from talking, so Fritz runs out of the resturant lol. You never see Fritz after this, I assume he died on the trek back to wherever the hell he lives at lmao.

After introducing himself to Bill and getting a job, Jeff walks over to the stage where he meets Scott. Scott tries his hardest to 'subtly' explain that the robots are haunted and there are bodies inside them to Jeff without actually stating it. He is hit with a blow dart for this crime against freddys.

Jeff then conveniently runs back into Bill who pulls dog food out of his pocket (fucking vile) and asks Jeff to please go feed his son Michael. Poor Jeff. Michael is locked behind a fake wall, smells like death, is rotting, and eats the food like a rabid animal. It's actually very well done. My description does not do this disturbing ass part any justice.

Jeff gets the fuck outta there rq, Bill is all like "ok see you tomorrow enjoy the nightshift", and Jeff comes back at the time of his shift. Spooky shit happens bc of fnaf, you can die at this part if you pick the wrong choices lmao.

Jeff starts walking around and stumbles upon the missing children's incident poster, to which he decides this must mean the kids were made into pizza. God, I love Jeff's dumbass.

He comes across Bill later, he's in a golden freddy suit and has a totally not bodybag with him. So normal. Yep. Bill quickly leaves lmao.

Again, I really need to replay this shit bc I know there was a funny reason for the place burning down, but it burns tf down. Jeff and Bill exit the place and Jeff is like "oh shit what do we do now" and Bill is like "Jeff don't you understand this is just the beginning we can rebuild freddys and start everything over and-" and then Michael comes out from the rubble and is like "Father." And Bill gets into his car at lightspeed and zooms away at mache speeds lmao.

The game ends with Michael saying he'll find his father again and Jeff being out of a job. I think. I kinda forgor the exact details of the ending💀💀💀

[rush-the-stars]

idk what kinds horror in a/b/o you mean, but i immediately thought about the subtle horror in this reylo fic called "Until You" by ever-so-reylo on ao3 (sorry if you dont like reylo. i dont. but i recognize reylo authors can be BEASTS and i just use cognitive dissonance if i need it) where it's like.. horror in the sense of how society limits and treats omegas and it's all very normalized. like the fic describes a marriage pathway, alarms on doors, omegas cant be present to hear the results of their own doctor appointment, how not getting pregnant is reason for annulment, and so on, and it's just so wildly subtle in how horrific itd be to live like this and i think the scariest part is, in parts of this world rn, there are places where women are treated very similarly to this. it's a one-shot and not super long, and Kylo/Ben/whoever isnt a dickbag or anything, he treats Rey well, and the author is good about making a distinction between "this is how it is here" and "that doesnt mean its good or ideal or warranted" which i think just adds to the horror kinda sorta, i dunno, i could see you having fun writing about a similar kinda world

regardless, id love to hear more about how youd wanna add further horror to a/b/o, bc what i was talking about was Handmaid's Tale-adjacent (not that i like Handmaid's Tale bc the author's a fucking terf and also, m'am, that IS how the world is like for many woc in various parts of the world, it isnt "even more horrifying" having it happen to white women too jfc idk if it counts as "apocalyptic" if its happening here and now and no one seems to care tho; but you get what i mean when i name-drop it however. anyway. i digress) and im curious if you mean in a monster-fucker way or sex pollen way or what, i find the concept of a/b/o + horror fascinating so, again, id LOVE to hear more pls ♡

firstly anon thank you for coming into my inbox and taking the time to share all this with me!! it is greatly appreciated!!

now to get into this!! i’m gonna put this under a cut w some warnings just in case!!

cw: sexism, mentions of violence against women/feminist horror, reylo (LMAO SORRY), a/b/o, uh romantic cannibalism, blood

i am so sorry anon i detest reylo lol. and sorry if anyone follows me and likes them </3

also i think this is very fascinating that i mentioned horror and your mind jumped to what is essentially feminist horror! not a bad thing—just something observed!!

i personally read a lot of horror outside of fanfiction and i read a lot of feminist horror specifically. or i see or have been apart of plays/theater works/etc. that feature feminist/gender horror in various ways. i write short stories that are not fanfic about this topic as well, so with fanfic, i tend to avoid this a great deal! it’s an incredibly heavy topic and for a whole year last year, i had surrounded myself in it (and acted in shows where stage violence was enacted on me by men, acted in roles where i was often in distress because of male characters, acted in emotionally straining and difficult scenes) and realized i was actually…very drained. and learned what i liked to see in these stories and what i thought was needless violence against women reiterated again and again as torture porn of some kind. but long story short, fanfic was a reprieve of that for me!!

(i know you’re thinking—but cielo! you seem to love yandere content! and you are right! but i think all my yan content i enjoy is seeped in a warped love rather than a gendered violence. not that both can’t exist. it’s sticky.)

more than that, i am also interested in a/b/o that breaks gender constructs and dynamics in ways and is not just an afab omega enduring societal and personal violence!

the horror i was mentioning more i think had to do with body horror, possession (as in, almost…demonic. spiritual.), etc.! romance as a horror. (“but the horror? the horror was for love”)

blood lust being tied to heats/ruts. an omega, feverish and in heat, slick with blood and wild eyed. some romantic cannibalism with the way a bite is for claiming. it’s vampiric. it’s a devouring.

it’s a conjoining. a possession. two souls being forcibly twisted together. the horror of having only one true mate that you cannot choose. that is, for better or for worse, only yours. the horror of not just being yourself anymore, but someone else and vice versa. your uncontrollable “other half”.

sublime heats/ruts where you cannot tell what is real or not, shaky snapshots of mind melting ache and pain, only relieved by one person. hallucinations or ailments that come from deeply lonely and isolated omegas and alphas. nightmares when it reaches a fever pitch.

omegas with needle sharp teeth and so much hunger that need to feed and take relentlessly from alphas. omegas and alphas with eyes that glow in the dark and watch too keenly.

rituals where heats/ruts are watched, the horror of bareness and vulnerability. the horror of being an animal in a human skin. of your own desire or pleasure.

also just the horror of being dependent on someone. of needing someone so greatly you’ll be sick with it. the horror of being powerless to their love. the horror of their power over you. or yours over them.

the twisted care. i am interested in strange/more uncommon dynamics; alphas who are nurturing and motherly in awful ways. who hand feed and coddle and smother. omegas who are possessive and violent towards other alphas or omegas.

i just think there is A LOT that could be played with. thought of. messed around with.

i also think we don’t see enough historical au with a/b/o….i’m thinking also gothic-style. western man vs. nature. cowboy a/b/o…victorian…ancient civilization….etc.

anyways, i hope you don’t take this as me like scolding you or hating on what you’ve said in any way—defs not that!! i just had a different sort of horror in mind!! like i said, fanfic for me is all about romance at its core! it’s a reprieve and escape from the work and art that often is very serious and heavy (whether feminist/gender horror, capitalist horror, etc. etc.) that i usually spend my time creating or apart of in my day to day life! it’s deeply important work to me, just not something i wanna do here really!!