#sorry this is kind of long and rambly bleh

[sugar-and-spite]

thank you so much for your response!! hearing from someone with both is really helpful for me!

what made me start thinking about it recently was some conflict with my siblings over the front door. i want it to be locked overnight; they like to go out on late walks, and as we all have adhd, they forget to bring their keys. i've locked them out and had to go open the door for them more than once now. i started thinking about why i wanted the door locked so badly. we live in a safe neighborhood, and we've generally left it unlocked most of the time for years and nothing bad has happened. but when it comes to it being locked overnight, i get incredibly anxious if i don't know it's locked (and i've lost sleep over it), and most nights i'll check it upwards of five times a night to make sure it's really locked.

that got me thinking about other things i do in sort of the same vein. i refuse to wash dirty dishes, for example, and if i even so much as open the dishwasher while it's dirty, i feel compelled to immediately wash my hands - and if they don't "feel" clean after, i'll wash them over and over in progressively warmer water until they do. sometimes i'll wash my entire forearms or, in extreme cases, take a shower and change into entirely clean clothes in the middle of the day, if i feel like i'm dirty.

i didn't know until recently that intrusive thoughts were also part of ocd, but i've had those much longer than any of these other symptoms - my intense worries about horrible things happening to me or people around me and my self-soothing routines in response to those worries were always categorized by my psychiatrists as part of my GAD, when i was younger.

i do also think, like you said, that a lot of the compulsive behaviors i experience have gotten worse in response to my adhd - i didn't really start obsessively checking the door until a few months ago, and the hand washing and other things have only been happening for a few years. i've definitely had these intrusive thoughts all my life, though, i just had no idea until literally this week that intrusive thoughts are one of the hallmarks of OCD.

and i guess the reasons i'm doubtful are twofold - first, that my symptoms didn't start getting worse until very recently, and secondly, that i always thought my compulsions weren't "bad enough" to be OCD, i guess? like, sure, i'm washing my hands maybe three or four or five times in a row after touching a dirty dish, and sometimes with water so hot that it burns me, but people with real OCD would be washing their hands like, a hundred times a day, right? (i do know that people with more "mild" OCD exist - i'm just struggling to convince my brain that i could be one of them 😹)

in the end, i think that whether these symptoms are from OCD or not, they're causing disruption in my life, so i'm working on getting in with a psychiatrist to talk about them and get diagnosed for whatever this is. but it is really good to know that it can be comorbid with ADHD! my mom seemed to doubt that i could have OCD when i brought it up because my ADHD makes me forgetful and disorganized, as ADHD tends to do - she pointed out that my room is a mess and it doesn't bother me. but i also don't know if she really knows that OCD isn't necessarily about a need for organization or tidiness.

i've been considering recently that i might have ocd, but i'm like. not sure it's even possible to have both ocd and adhd? i've tried doing a bit of research on it but i can't find anything definitive - just that they have almost exact opposite patterns of brain activity. like, there's definitely something going on with me but i definitely, absolutely have adhd, so if it's not possible to have that and ocd then this must not be ocd??? idk

[retphienix]

I enjoyed rambling about the warbonds for my own sake, here's a somehow even more subjective list on the support weapons because helldivers is a game.

Extensive reasoning for my bullshit below the readmore but more or less this is roughly the order I'd go for. B rank sounds more dismissive than it should in retrospect- it genuinely is "B" rank not "bad" rank.

You could definitely juggle around in the general areas but this is where I'm at currently.

The BA shotgun is best discussed below.

S rank are the three support weapons I think most thoroughly define a playstyle- and that I like even if I don't use 2 of the 3.

AT / Generalist / Add clear

A rank are the reliable non-backpack AT and the AMR for its support uses against bots and squids.

B rank is pretty much everything I think "Does a job, or provides general damage pretty well, but not well enough for me in most cases" ranging from general purpose weapons to weapons I find unsatisfying to use due to AH adjusting them in ways I find kinda "bleh" (too many fully charged unsafe shots on rail or too slow firerate on arc) or weapons I find HYPER specialized to do one mission type fantastically and kinda just "work" outside of it (grenade launcher).

C rank has the weapons I generally dislike the gameplay design of, tbh. Wasp and Airburst are actually tied, but Spear is bottom for sure. The Wasp CAN kill mediums and hurt heavies, but downsides. The Airburst CAN kill groups, but downsides. The Spear CAN kill heavies, but downsides. And those downsides, whoa buddy.

And D rank are the two weapons I just generally disagree with their design fundamentally AND think can't accomplish much of worth. A glorified primary weapon that accomplishes nothing of worth and a nerfed flamethrower relying on a status effect that is half as effective as a stun with twice the duration (so it's fair! Them's math!).

Sterilizer: Don't even bother

It's just bad. I'm sorry.

The entire design just seems devoid of gameplay centric thinking. As in I think they thought "Wouldn't this fit in lore!" and then forgot they are making a video game so designing it to work the way it works just makes it Bad.

Gameplay wise, it's a flamethrower with way less damage, no (meaningful) lingering area denial (1/4 of a second vs 10 seconds flamethrower ground burn) and the payoff of....

being a clunkier, less reliable (they can still attack you) stun grenade with double the duration to make up for being worse at the whole "crowd control" thing.

AND you spend your support weapon slot on it. AVGN "what were they thinking" type ass design.

AMR: Actually good

Not my favorite tool by a long shot (ha!), but at multiple points in the game's life I've found it to be a damned nice option.

In the current game it's a completely viable option against bots if you want to be the hulk drop guy who doubles in making sure the team isn't swarmed with missiles and heavy devs, and against squids it can neuter tripods in a couple seconds (if not kill) as well as being an INSANELY fast shield drop option against ships if you're not using a tool to ignore the shields completely.

Machine Gun: Better than nothing

Admittedly, could be in actually useful but I'm a touch harsh on it.

The MG is a delight to use- when you're team or strategems are taking care of all the heavy units for you. And that's kinda the issue, isn't it?

For my gameplay I don't really need a tool that makes light work of light+medium enemies, I need something to make heavy units more manageable because our arsenal of primaries and secondaries (and plenty of strategems) can easily delete fodder units. The MG kind of functions as an "S tier primary" weapon, but it's a support weapon, that's the issue.

When playing with friends, or on a lower difficulty (especially), or dedicating most of your other loadout slots towards AT stuff, it's a joy to use- so it's definitely on the higher end of B(etter than nothing).

Stalwart: Don't even bother (putting the L in Lmao)

Certified stalwart hater here, what a fucking pointless weapon lol

Waste your support slot on a weapon that's basically a C rank primary, oh but it's a bullet hose! Isn't that cool? lmao

The thing could be made a primary tomorrow and I still wouldn't main it. I WOULD use it though, but that's a world in which AH reworks light pen entirely because they would never give a light pen "this good" (it's not good) in the same category as the current light pen options lol

EATs: Actually good

This would easily be S rank as hell if this was a handful of months ago- I adored the EAT meta.

The buffing of AT options kind of lowered the importance of the EAT by just making bringing dedicated AT actually good for once, but all things considered it deserves it's rest :)

Being able to just drop one in to take out whatever ailed you was fun, and the option still works!

You can still use EATs as your dedicated AT choice- it's just now on super helldive etc you're more likely to be grasping at that cooldown timer- lower difficulties it still does well though :)

Now-a-days it's mostly replaced by dedicated AT, or the commando which does a great job of being a side-grade EAT by being juuuuust different enough (and having a slightly more committal cooldown timer).

Good weapon. A credit to disposable support weapons everywhere- I hope we see more actually good disposables going forward :)

Recoilless: Super Earth Approved

The recoilless is my beloved. I love being the AT guy with this thing, I love having a delete button, I love that it feels earned because I give up a backpack slot (that's right! I'm saying part of my love is a downside because it FEELS right!).

The Recoilless is my current favorite support weapon, and it took a long time (and significant buffs) to get here.

But what is there to say?

Depending on your POV it's either the bane of the game's balance problems because it's a delete button or it's one of the best designed options because it does what it's supposed to do with meaningful downsides for that power. I'm in the latter :)

I find that more often than not if a run feels "carried" by a recoilless, it's because the entire team brought AT options and the recoilless just happened to do its job while appreciating the assistance- or the constellation decided to spawn like 3 heavies the entire round.

So I personally find complaints of its power to be a bit misplaced. A recoilless running around a corner to 5 hulks (as is the fuckin' norm) isn't suddenly the only war machine left in the area, there's just 4 hulks and a recoilless user diving to reload now lol

Flamethrower: Super Earth Approved

This is a funny one because I don't ever use the flamethrower in my day-to-day diving. I prefer to focus my support slots on taking out big targets at range and in a quick fashion- the flamethrower doesn't really fit that role.

But the role it does fit is fucking wonderful lol

Being able to just drag a swarm of bugs and turn around for a quick burst of fire as your kill combo hits triple digits is a blast AND it's useful for the team! (assuming you pull properly lol)

Not much to say. It's not an AT weapon (though capable of course), it's a fodder clear weapon, but it's a fucking sensational one at that.

Spear: Don't even bother Addendum, C rank because it TECHNICALLY kills when it wants.

I'm being excruciatingly kind in saying it's not some mythical F tier.

The only thing the spear has ever done well was the short period of time where it could lock onto and destroy fabricators before fabs were redesigned to have health and this became something any weapon could effectively do.

There might not be another support weapon I have less interest in using in the entire game. I hate this thing. The lock on is finicky by design- they clarify it constantly "It has to have a perfect flight path or it won't lock" but then a single twig can break lock on and a lock on DOES NOT mean it hits the target as it will gladly overshoot at medium to long range and circle to hit a wall.

"Just get good at the lock on" is the stupidest argument ever made because yes! You can learn the intricacies! And you know what you end up with! A dogshit rocket that needs you to clip its nails and read it a bed time story for the right line up to kill the simplest targets in the game!

Or!

You!

Can!

Just!

Shoot!

It!

With any other AT in the game.

Horribly implemented weapon. Just bad by design and with no redeeming qualities. I guess "spear" is a funny name for it since it's based on the Javelin.

Comando: Actually good

While it doesn't have the long and storied past of the EAT the Commando is basically "What if an EAT, but slightly different" and I really appreciate what it brings to the table :)

The laser guide works well (please replace all lock on weapons with laser guides), the way in which the damage is dispersed between the 4 rockets feels impactful and useful, and the cooldown is more than the EAT but is still reasonably quick and has the benefit of being just 1 weapon which simplifies how you deploy it.

Fantastic disposable.

Railgun: Better than nothing

I still think it's stupid that AH nerfed this weapon into the dirt as a scapegoat for the crossover bug, and then just baby stepped its buffs so it's remained so middling.

All considered, the current Railgun is "fine".

It's one of the most "fine" weapons in the game.

It genuinely has some strengths it's just kinda, weirdly lacking oomph in some ways when put in practice in my opinion.

It fulfills an interesting role as "support anti tank weapon" but that's such a bizarre role that it kind of feels like how the MG is a "medium enemy killer" when you can just. Do that more appropriately with other slots in your arsenal.

So here's the thing. AH clearly doesn't like that some people are good at using it, so they don't want it to be really really good in good player hands, that in and of itself is stupid to me. You risk EXPLODING when you use this thing.

But, luckily, it isn't in the dumps currently by any means.

The damage has been risen enough where against bugs and bots you have plenty of wonderful breakpoints that sound great on paper.

But in practice....

So against bugs, you're taking 2 FULLY CHARGED UNSAFE shots to take down a charger which is just barely too much weird time investment to feel good, and THREE fully charged unsafe headshots on biles which DEFINITELY doesn't feel remotely good, so like- you can have a backpack-less AT weapon that also drops the normal medium enemies exceptionally well in safe mode but every time you use it against an AT enemy you're like "This fuuuuuuuuuucking sucks and feels bad".

Then against bots you can safe mode visor shot hulks which feels great!

You can "mostly" charged unsafe drop a gunship, that's feels alright!

Then you can go fuck yourself because feeling good isn't AH's goal with this weapon, go double fully charge some unsafes on the vents of the tanks, I don't care that you're surrounded and there are multiple tanks and the tank is turning constantly- go do it.

Go waste (please don't) 6 fully unsafe shots on a single cannon turret, go fully unsafe charge 5 eye shots on a walker, like the numbers are all like "Oh that's not so many shots :)" until you remember it's asking you to fully unsafe charge all those fuckin' shots in the middle of getting shot at which can aim-punch you at any moment and a margin of error that can detonate you.

I just don't get it, it's a weapon that looks okay on paper and in practice feels far too brought down by its charging. And I guess it's all justified because it has no pack, like alright, I GUESS, TECHNICALLY, still feels bad.

Airburst: Can't really justify

I don't like the thing; It's a support weapon that's entire gimmick is "I can delete a patrol (mostly)" and while it's doing way better since getting the alt-fire and the "no longer proximity detonates on things it shouldn't" bugfix, it's still a teamkill gun.

I do consider it's potential good enough that it gets out of D rank though. In the right hands at the right time of day in the correct position with the right luck you can see this thing show you the meaning of "softening up" the enemy as it turns a massive horde into a manageable trickle.

Then the user will fire without noticing a scavenger or voteless or commissar nearby and 2 squadmates die.

HMG: Better than nothing

I genuinely can't decide if I think the MG or HMG is more deserving of B rank and if one should fall to C.

Genuinely, the HMG is kinda buns.

But.

It does still fulfill the "support add clear" role that the MG does (though, at an angle of sorts where you pull it out when necessary, because you don't want to use it like a pseudo primary like the MG) while being able to tack on the ability to shoot a few extra units that the MG can't, that's something?

The ammo is still a thing, and the actual versatility added by its heavy pen is constantly bouncing between "The Entire Point" and "Superfluous" so honestly I think both land close enough to both be in B rank.

All told, the MG and HMG as a duo are kinda meh, but they also still do some work, and what's the point of B rank if not giving weapons like that a home.

It kills medium targets better than the MG and that's kinda it's whole deal.

Autocannon: Super Earth Approved

I mean come on. I don't even use the fuckin' Auto and I can't find a way to justify putting it anywhere else.

The AC is like THE reliability button in this game.

If you want to be a benefit to the squad, can't go wrong with an AC.

Wanna clear some small guys? AC. Wanna tear up some big guys? Get around to a weak spot and pound em with the Auto. Wanna make all the medium guys stop existing? Have I Got The Cannon For You.

It doesn't hit BiS for any particular job, but it does damn near every job. A true "Jack of all trades, master of none, but more often than not better than a master of one." type weapon.

Wasp: Can't really justify

I'm honestly mostly a hater for this damn thing but I still feel it deserves the rank. If I was just going on full gut calls and not a more considered opinion, I'd be dogging on it.

It's a spear with better targeting (kinda, mostly just faster) and much weaker shots.

It's a rocket where guides and overviews and the like try to paint it as worthwhile by saying it can "heavily damage" targets- dude, it should KILL them, not just wake them up.

It does like one thing, and that's kill medium enemies, but since that's just about all it does that just makes it a worse MG and the MG isn't some gold standard.

It's an MG with lock on time, the (not unlikely) chance of missing if conditions aren't to its liking, and an inability to intentionally kill all the units it can't lock onto. Great, oh and what's that? It takes a backpack slot just to really plant the flag in mediocre city lol

Because it CAN hit heavy things and CAN be used as a quick burst of assistance by aiming at a horde and letting it decide what needs hurt, it's out of D rank for now.

It should be in D rank though.

I'm just feel generous.

Grenade Launcher: Better than nothing

OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO, my heart wants to put this higher but I just can't in full confidence say it deserves it in modern HD2.

At one point in time the grenade launcher was my baby, I was bringing this thing all the time to just instant drop nests like it was my job (because I pretty much made it my job).

But now we have so many options for nests, we have the grenade pistol, we have the pocket nuke, we have explosive primaries, we have a better understanding of strategem call ins- it just kinda feels like a one note tool in an arsenal where a lot of its contemporaries have been taking singing lessons.

That said, you can have some fun blowing up bugs and bots and the like, and you can make blitz missions go by even faster, and you can reliably use it to support your team. You just can't hurt a lot of enemy types and feel a touch shoehorned into nest clear.

Definitely has enough going for it to have a place. Just not high on the list.

Laser Cannon: Better than nothing

I'm not a fan- I don't like it.

But the heavy laser cannon is genuinely pretty alright.

Whenever I use it I feel like the heavy pen is a lie due to how often I see ricochet markers that make no sense- as if it hits the terrain behind a target and flashes the icon on my screen when I'm literally shooting a medium armor target, that's more of a ui bug fucking with my experience than actual gameplay though.

It's just solid. Just solidly outside of my interest range.

Arc Thrower: Better than nothing

For the first like 1-2 months of the game this was my favorite weapon in the entire game lol

I haven't really used it since the buffs through the ship upgrades, maybe I should.

Ever since they fucked with the fast fire strategy it's just been off my radar. It was a joy to just half charge span for tons of sustained damage output, now it just doesn't feel right.

I did give it the benefit of the doubt when they first changed it because you could stunlock hulks, then they removed that and I went "Well what's the fucking point" then they added it back in and reverted (and further buffed) the range change etc so by all accounts the weapon should be better than it was when I loved it.

But the last time I messed with it I was just dragged down by it's less responsive firing and having to deal with arc weapon "discharge" into terrain again.

All said, I need to give it another real go. I might enjoy the current iteration with some more playtime, but my heart still yearns for the fast firing of the past and my new favorites are usually AT related not "technically hurts heavies but the damage is really low" weapons like this one.

Quasar: Actually good

I have exceptionally little to say. It's a reliable AT weapon with infinite ammo on a recharge with no backpack.

To me, this is more my speed when it comes to "support AT weapons" unlike the railgun, because it just "does the thing" and the downsides are that you're confined to a recharge timer and your shots aren't quite as potent as some, as well as also utilizing a charge. It naturally pushes you to be the support AT player instead of the primary but you still feel like at any moment you can whip out a shot when needed.

The charge could be buffed a bit, but one big shot on a reliable charge just feels better than multiple inherently less reliable charged railgun shots to do the same. You get the charge downtime out of the way immediately and then swap to another weapon during the recharge downtime instead of most of your play being charge downtime etc.

It's nice.

Break Action Shotgun: A tier all its own

I'm not one of the weirdos going around saying anything actually positive about the BA shotgun. It's dogwater, it's supposed to be dogwater, it's a lore item that's functionality is a mere amusement rather than anything to actually care about.

If we're being completely honest here, I think it deserves only 1 buff, a tiny buff that changes nearly nothing.

It should have a demo force of 20.

That way it gives it a singular impactful purpose in the game beyond "challenging myself by wasting my support slot on this thing" and that's being a quick weapon to break open containers- of which it most often spawns next to.

This wouldn't make it so every crate suddenly has its 'key' next to it- they don't spawn like that, but it would grant it a very specific player interaction that feels "right".

Sort of like how the new entrenchment shovel POI spawns to show how you can use the shovel to dig? How it rewards you with some samples (usually) for playing with a toy in the video game?

The BA shotgun could do that with crates.

Also maybe it could legitimately be added to our arsenal for the silly players who want challenge loadouts- I say that with no mocking tone- that'd be a good change.

Players already do constitution runs- let us equip the BA shotgun as a primary, it'd be fantastic for that!

[ringtownrangerlark]

Sending an ask to stop that post from getting unmanageably long (seems to happen with us a lot).

RE your tags - like yeah absolutely, you are talking to the #1 League Hater, Hater of Pokemon Leagues Everywhere. But also like, if the funding doesn't come from them it has to either come from Almia or from that region's government (which is typically too busy funding the league to even think about the Union). We are a not-for-profit, that money has to come from somewhere, and Almia's pockets aren't exactly deep.

And besides...that double standard for partners isn't coming as a request from the League (at least, not from this League, I wouldn't be surprised if other regions have made this demand). That's the Union imposing that standard on us in anticipation of possible future complaints.

Bleh. It does feel gross to even kind of defend a League. We should have ourselves a little bitch fest about Leagues, I promise I've got some stories. But La Primera would never fail Medusa. If there's one thing I need you to know about Paldea, it's that they have one of the most ethical Leagues I think it's possible to make.

-@paldean-ranger-brandy

That's fair! Sorry- I do seem to tend to ramble.

Agreed that Almia can't fun every ranger union everywhere. It's a tiny region.

The Fiorean government funds out Ranger League and I see that as the best option, really. I mean, rangers provide a public service: we manage natural disasters, we keep the roads clear, we keep people/cities safe from wild pokemon. Investing in the rangers keeps civilization running.

The fact that the government instead is putting their resourced toward the league makes it seem more like a league problem again. Can't the league be self-funded? I imagine there are registration fees, not to mention item and ticket and merchandise sales from all the fandom around league matches. What public service are they providing besides ecological destruction? Frankly the only government funding the league should get is from like a tourism department or something, and even that seems redundant.

I'm glad Paldea's league is ethical in your experience. But that the local Union is more concerned about hypothecal appearances to the league rather than backing a successful ranger doing their job properly is backwards and downright shameful.

[star-scrambled]

me when I spend an hour writing an Octonauts post all proud and the second I upload it I private it cause after editing it like three times afterwards I realized it was hot shit LMAOSJSKHSKSJ 😭😭😭😭

[gyuswhore]

it’s the karina requester again from before 🤭 i really really loved the karina fic and it’s been on my mind for a while 😵‍💫 if the drabble game is still ongoing then could you do another fic of her confessing to fem!reader? just overall really fluffy please? 🫶 (it doesn’t have to be a part two to the other one but it would be nice 😔)

hiii im so happy you liked that one, hope you enjoy this one just the same <3

this can be read as a standalone, but I continued it from the first ask!

also im really sorry I took my sweet time with this, I've been vv distracted lately :(((

lawyer!karina x femlawyer!reader

masterlist

part 1 | part 2

***

You aren't entirely sure why you agreed to this considering you can barely utter a sentence around her. But alas, you sit in front of her at a restaurant table, trying not to stare for too long.

It was jarring when she had asked you to dinner, to what seemed like a casual meal between co-workers, but one that you accepted without thinking.

"Have you opened the Maher files yet?" you ask quietly, trying to fill in the silence.

"Let's not talk about work here, that's bleh" she responds, placing a bit of meat in your plate, "try that it's really good"

You slowly pick up your utensils and bring it to you mouth, giving her a nod of approval as you chewed.

"Did you finish painting that wall in your living room yet?" she asks out of the blue.

You didn't know she remembered that.

"Uh, yeah I did. Had to get some help though, but it finished up pretty nice"

"Why didn't you ask me? I love painting walls, it's so therapeutic" she exclaims.

"Oh", you respond, "I didn't know. I need to repaint the lobby too actually-"

"Perfect", she cuts you off, "don't ask anyone else. I'll help you"

Before you can refute she starts again, "Do you wanna get ice cream after this? I know such a good place down the road. They're family owned too, their stuff is the best"

The smile she has on her face as she rambles about her favourite ice cream place is enough to make you heart swoon for the 20th time that night. She was so effortless, and it was enough to have you doing cartwheels.

"Sure"

After Karina was satisfied with your stuffing of food, drinks and dessert, she proposed a walk in the nearby park.

"It's mostly empty around this time. No annoying children, I promise"

And so you oblige, once again, because god forbid you ever say no to anything this girl says.

"There's a reason I asked to hang out with you tonight" she starts, halting her steps as you do the same to face her.

Your heart sank.

Oh.

This wasn't because she wanted to get closer. This was for a favour.

"I need to talk to you about something, and it's kinda serious." she continues.

"I'm not sure if this is out of the blue or not but, I was kind of hoping you'd realise and maybe say something"

She stops for a minute, and looks up from her shoes.

You had no idea where this was going.

"I really like you, Y/n"

[haxorus-imp]

I kind have been stalking your blog(that btw I love it) and wanted to request something based a insert ship art I saw in insta

Can you mabey write dr. Flug asking his s/o hand in marrige? ( this ide is so cute for me )

Sorry if messed up some spelling English isn't my first language

No problem! Your English is great!

--

Flug took in a slow and steady breath as he shifts his eyes to the side, watching you stand there next to him in peaceful silence. Despite the party going on in the background while you both were out on an elevated balcony in a secluded villa, Flug tuned out the noises of the celebration behind him as he instead listened to the sound of summer crickets chirping loudly in the night as the full moon illuminates the grass down below in the courtyard. Fireflies would flicker their lights out about the treetops and shrubs, sharing a resemblance to the stars that hung dimly in the sky. As Flug continued to stare at his dearly beloved, who stood next to him enjoying the view and the nature-laden melody that the night offered, his hand silently fiddled with the small box in his suit pocket. His heart was racing. This was the perfect time to ask, wasn't it? He was finally alone, prepared, and the scene was perfect. Yet...something held him back...and it was a little frustrating. So, he closes his eyes to focus on that fear. If just for a moment. You two have done everything together. You were always there to pick him up. Sticking by his side and helping him whenever you could. Despite everything that was thrown at you...you stayed and you worked just about as hard as Flug did for the company. Yet, he always won with the endurance he had built up over the years. But it was never a competition...it never was. You always seemed to be the team player that this company needed. No matter what Dementia says. Flug...has never been happier. You always just seem to...'get' him. You loved his ramblings and his bouts of his science jargon. You would let him speak and would listen in return. After such a long and hard life, you were honestly...different. He just thought you were gonna be a temporary fix for the company or that you would eventually go away or fail...but you held on with such determination. But then, there was the day that you helped him--no. SAVED him...and he felt so warm and fuzzy from that moment forward. His world felt brighter and the aches and pains of life almost seem to ebb away from his being while he was with you. In a way, he should thank Dementia at some point for ratting to you about his harbored feelings and sharing his journal with you.

He expected laughter and to be made fun of, just like all those times in his life...but no. You found it endearing and even showed your OWN journal and how you wrote about him as well. Both of you then just decided to give each other a kiss, ignoring Dementia's very audible "BLEH!!" in the background. You've both been in a relationship for about a year and a half and Flug...has never been more in love. Even if it goes against villainy and the evil 101 guidebook...it was just something he couldn't think he would live without now. Which is why he decided to try and make it more permanent tonight. Yet...he was still afraid. Even after all this time together...he was afraid you would reject him. Deny his proposal. But deep inside. He knew his fears were unfounded. If he was gonna keep you...he needed to do it tonight.

He wordlessly reaches out with his free hand and grabs your own as he brings himself out of his trance and opens his eyes to look at your own. You look back at him with wide eyes before giving him that smile he can't help but love the sight of. He returns it in kind. Then, he turns to face his darling. Feeling his heartbeat rapidly pick up as he sees you tilt your head to the side. "Something wrong, Flug?" He hears you ask. He takes a moment to inhale and steel his nerves as he remembers the words from his speech that he practiced for days before this event. He clears his throat tenderly. "Dear, I have to admit something...I brought you out here for a very special reason. One that can't be taken lightly." Flug takes another deep breath as he locks eyes with his darling. "Me and you have been together for a very long time and we have been through a lot together. Before I met you my days were a daily grind and filled with aches and pains of all kinds. The moment you came into my life, I finally know what it feels like to have someone care about you. I...I wanna make this a night to remember...and I want to ask you something very important." Flug then fishes the box out of his pocket and finally gets into a one-knee kneeling position. He could see his lover's eyes widen in silent shock as he flicks open the box with his thumb, revealing a sparkling cyan jewel in the shape of a square with golden accents. "Dear...will you marry me?" Flug holds his breath as he stays in position, his internal anxiety telling him to laugh it off and hide the box again and pretend it didn't happen. But he refused. Then, he sees his beloved give him a big smile and eagerly nod while tears of joy sparkle in their eyes. "Yes!! Oh yes, Flug!!" His beloved shouts as they wrap their arms tightly around him, as he returns it in full. A strong sense of relief and pride flood his body as he holds his soon-to-be-wedded dearly beloved tightly in his arms. "I love you..." "I love you too, Flugbug~!"

[patiann345]

Ok but... why are they so uggglyyyy????

Just gonna dump some of my ROTB thoughts here before the movie releases. Long post, very ramble-y,, >3<

I haven't kept up with all the news about it I'm sure, but I have been looking out for the designs and. Oh my...

Look, I have no doubt ROTB will be a good movie. A great one? I'll have to see, but I don't think it can ever get as bad as Bayverse. I've heard (word-of-mouth, no source sorry) that Cullen is really happy working on it, and that he thinks it's gonna be the best of the movies so far, which like,, it's Peter Cullen, man's been here since G1 I trust his judgment slkhasdkg

And real quick, before I get into the meat of what I wanna talk about, I do wanna make something clear; I fucking love Beast Wars. I binged it when I was first getting into Transformers, and yeah there's a reason it's in such high regard.

And I'm more than aware the animation is dated. And I'm more than aware there are a lot of people who would never think to watch BW or any show like it cause "Ew it's so old, it looks grosssss"

That's always been a really stupid argument to me. If you can rewatch Toy Story for the 5th time at your family reunion, you can watch some slightly dated-looking cartoons. I firmly believe that the WRITING and STORY ultimately makes a show. It can look pretty "yuck" or weird, but if it's well-written and engaging, I think it's worth more than it's visuals y'know? A movie or show can look beautiful and stunning, but that won't change it having bad writing and plot.

Anyways it's 2023 and uh, yeah why do Optimus and Megatron look like thatttttt???????? Girl there is no excuse

Megatron particularly like, that face could work on another bot but... Not MEGATRON, not when his Bumblebee concept stuff looked like THIS:

LOOK AT THIS MAN. WROW. Could use some color, the body's a little cluttered, but his face looks good! Great even! He fits the style that Bumblebee (2018) had set up and built. ROTB though? Christ-

That's not even getting into Optimus who's got that Bayverse crap going on with his face, which is,, so disappointing. He looks just fine with the mask on, but it comes off and it looks bleh. There's no reason for them to look like this! Seriously, cause everyone else (at least the autobots, haven't seen the maximals) look great!!

I particularly love Arcee's design, think she looks great, and I actually kind of prefer her design here over her Bumblebee (2018) look

Oh and hey speaking of that, Wheeljack what the fuuuuucckkk????

Sorry I've only got the toy image on hand but... That's not Wheeljack, I dunno who that is, but it ain't Wheeljack. Let it be known I'm not seething with rage like other people may be over this design, I don't mind deviation from the norm, just look at Armada or TFA. You can deviate from a character's usual look or schtick and make it work!

But when you look at his Bumblebee (2018) design,,,, We were robbed. We were robbed blindddd

I bring up all these examples because the designs are so. Hit or miss. And I don't understand why or how they ended up this way. Bumblebee (2018) had amazing character designs, that's evident enough by Bee's design in ROTB, he's still using that same helm and face and his body is still very much inspired by his look in the last film.

I brought up the dated animation in shows and films earlier because I don't want anyone to think I'm going to think less of this movie for its designs. If the writing and story and characters are good, then that's a good movie in my book. BUT there is,, no reason for half the characters to look like THAT, not when the other half look so GOOD. It is not 1996, it's 2023. Which like, Beast Wars had problems with age in its animation and rendering, NOT in character design. The CGI in ROTB looks amazing from what we've seen in trailers! But,,, the desssiiiggnnnnssssssssss. Optimus' Mouttthhhhh.

I'm gonna see this movie, that's a promise. When it hits theaters? Maybe, I'll have to see, y'never know what'll happen. But at SOME POINT, I'mma see this movie. And I really really hope it's good, I hope it's great! Hell, I hope it'll be the best movie in the catalog! But... I also hope it doesn't set a standard in terms of design.

Well. No, let me put it this way; I hope it doesn't set a standard for how certain characters will look in future installments. I love Arcee's look, I love Bee's, I hope they continue with that! cause. But man, Megatron is so ugglyyy, Optimus' mouth is gross, and Wheeljack just isn't Wheeljack. I'd hate to see them devolve into more Bayverse mess again, please Hasbro-

Lemme end this before I start repeating myself

[whatifyoulivelikethat]

shiver, m | myg

pairing(s): yoongi x reader mentions of jimin x reader, namjoon x reader

summary: Kim Namjoon and Park Jimin set you up after vain attempts to cure your, what they call, chronic high-strung workaholic tendencies. Bleh. As if a date with Min Yoongi is going to help the situation. You aren't going on this date and, even if you did, you wouldn't take him home and fuck him all night. Or admit he was giving you that shiver.

warnings: rated M (18+) for language, slight crack (you tweezed a hair off Jimin's dick); mentions of previous partners and implied smut; smut (fem reader, mild bondage, f-receiving oral, lil bit of a praise kink, doggy); non-idol!AU - music producer!Yoongi x pansexual, softdom!reader, ft best friend and ex-bf!Namjoon, (maybe too) close friend!Jimin, friend!Taehyung

--

“Look, I like dick, okay? The gender attached to it doesn’t bother me. A dick’s a dick and if you want to put it in me, I’m down, and if you don’t and wanna do other stuff, that’s cool too, I’m just letting you know I like dick–”

“Who are you talking to?”

You exploded, rocketing your desk chair backwards, nearly dropping your phone, gawking at the tall, dark, handsome man with the baritone voice standing in your bedroom door, blinking at you slowly with his brown doe eyes and long lashes, black-brown curls framing his tanned cheekbones and strong brows.

“T-Taehyung?!”

Kim Taehyung raised a sculpted eyebrow. “Why were you practicing a speech about dick?”

You clutched your phone, flapping your jaw loosely, pointing to it, to him, to yourself, rambling nonsense.

“There’s this app and I was writing a message to someone and they were worried about – but I wasn’t sure if it sounded right – and what, why are you here…?”

He raised the other eyebrow. “I want to talk to Jimin about something. He said he was going to stop by later so he gave me your key.” He raised his hand and, there it was, your house key. “Said it was fine if I just walked in.”

Park Jimin… said it was fine… to walk into your apartment? Without asking you first.

Who raised this child?!

To be fair, it was fine. You weren’t upset at Taehyung specifically. You didn’t know him as well as Jimin, who was one of your closest friends, but he was Jimin’s best friend. You trusted Jimin’s choice in friends, but, jeez, he really was lackadaisical when it came down to your personal space. He acted like it didn’t exist.

“Ah… okay,” you said, clearing your throat and placing your phone, screen down, on your desk.

“Why is Jimin hanging out here? You guys dating?” Taehyung asked off-handedly.

You nearly choked on air.

“No, we are not,” you snorted, walking up to him. He looked nice. Taehyung always did. He was casually sexy in his green sweater and dark gray pants. He was the kind of guy who could wear anything and look great simply because he walked around with such calm confidence. “I don’t know exactly; he said we should hang out and watch movies because I’m, how did he put it, a chronic high-strung workaholic who needs divine intervention.”

Taehyung nodded, pursing his lips. “True.”

“Excuse me?” you snapped.

He ignored your outburst. “I suppose he considers himself the divine intervention?”

“Uh, well, yeah, I guess, I didn’t think of it like that–”

“You’ve never thought about his dick?”

You blinked rapidly. “What.”

Taehyung shrugged. “I mean, you guys hang out a lot. And you like dick,” he added, gesturing to your phone, to which you abruptly jerked to stand in front of it so it was no longer in his vision. “You might want to consider seeing his dick.”

“I’ve seen his dick.”

Now it was Taehyung’s turn to blink rapidly. “What.”

You raised your hands in innocence. “He had a hair on his dick.”

“… What.”

You scratched the back of your head. “Well, he had a hair growing on the underside of his dick and he couldn’t get to it so he asked me to help, but you can’t exactly pluck a hair when the dick is limp so I helped him get hard and then I tweezed it off and he was very upset, even though he was the one who asked me to do it so I don’t know why he was so sobby about it, but I ended up putting it in my–”

Taehyung was staring at you, slack-jawed.

You stopped speaking, realizing what you were saying.

Your front door opened.

“Hey, Taehyung! Thanks for leaving the door open for me. Where are you guys? Oh, there you are. What are you guys doing?”

You both turned to look at the cheerful, oblivious face of Park Jimin, his previously blond hair freshly dyed black. He must have been at a hair appointment running late. He sent you both a big, beaming smile.

“Eh?”

-

"I need you to do something."

"What?"

Once again, someone needing you to do something. Who would have guessed? Just an endless cycle of people asking you to do things. When is someone ever going to ask you what you want to do? Hm?

Hmph.

He shoved another spoonful of red bean ice cream in your mouth and you continued listening because of it.

"I need you to sleep with Min Yoongi."

You choked and had a mild brainfreeze.

"Just kidding, I only need you to go on a date with him."

Not much better.

You gawked at Park Jimin, who continued calmly scooping out another spoonful of ice cream to feed you. As if this was normal behavior. You missed the blond hair on him. Blond-haired Jimin didn't suggest this kind of random bullshit. Black-haired Jimin was evil. His hair was full of secrets.

You know, that kind of person.

Jimin lifted the spoon and opened his plump lips as if he was instructing a child how to eat. You gave him an indignant scowl and he shoved the spoon in the crack of your open lips. That got him a disgruntled tut.

"Jimin, I'm not library book, you can’t let your friends borrow me when they need to look taken."

He rolled his eyes, all the sass and lacking in class. "That was one time, and you know Taehyungie's ex was a persistent bitch."

"Yeah, I had to slap her, remember?"

Jimin's hair has been black then too, when he asked you to help him. Mmmhmm. Help.

"She deserved that slap!"

"But why did I have to do it?" you grumbled. "You can slap a ho. You don't need me."

"I shouldn't hit a girl no matter how much of a lying, cheating scumbag she is," Jimin puffed, angrily jabbing at the ice cream and shoving it into your mouth. You glared at him. Why was he taking it out on you? He was lucky you loved this brand, otherwise he'd be getting slapped right now.

"Oh, but I should, okay, cool."

"You'd slap anything and call it your bitch."

You were about to retort but then you lowered your hand, frowning. "Okay, true, but that doesn't explain why you're pawning me off to Yoongi now."

"Because you need it."

And you snapped your head around to see Kim Namjoon, your ex-boyfriend, now best friend, waltz into your bedroom like he owned the damn place. You did, in fact, give him your key and you were expecting him, so it wasn’t exactly a surprise, but you complained anyway, because that’s what humans do. Complain.

"Is nothing sacred in my home?" you muttered as Namjoon grabbed your desk chair and rolled it over to the bed, sitting down in front of you and Jimin. You were wearing black pajamas with little cats on them and Jimin was wearing the yellow ones with little dogs on them. Button-up shirt and long pants. Same brand and style, different print. Namjoon, however, was wearing a white graphic t-shirt and loose brown trousers with thin tortoise-shell and gold framed glasses that didn't have any lenses in them.

You were very tempted to poke him in the eye but, alas, you had some self-restraint.

"I thought you were going to talk about this last night," Namjoon mused, raising an eyebrow at Jimin.

Jimin suddenly seemed incredibly interested in getting the perfect spoonful of ice cream. "I got distracted."

"Horny. He means he got horny."

A violently large chunk of red bean ice cream was shoved in your mouth.

Namjoon laughed at your near-death expression.

"Don't tell him," Jimin hissed. "That's fucking weird. He's your ex."

"Then why would you do it?" Namjoon chuckled. "For the record, the relationship is no longer romantic, so I would no longer have a say even if it did bother me."

"I... well..." The younger man sputtered awkwardly.

You coughed and beat your sternum, glaring at Jimin. "The hell was that for? I rode your dick!"

Namjoon seemed highly amused and suddenly invested. "Ah, yes, and then?"

"Well, maybe it would have helped the situation..." Jimin said shiftily, eyes darting about as he turned bright red.

"Helped what?" you grunted, rubbing your throat at the uncomfortable sensation of a half-frozen esophagus.

"Doesn't seem like it helped," Namjoon remarked, placing a hand on his chin, still smiling.

You narrowed your eyes. "What are you talking about? All Jimin was going on about last night was how he hadn't had a good fuck in years–"

Namjoon snorted. "Years? Huh, that's odd, I seem to recall you getting laid four months ago at that party."

"That was four months ago and it was terrible!" Jimin whined, shaking the spoon. "And why are you talking about this with her, ahhhh!"

You and Namjoon shared a confused look as Jimin freaked out and snarfed down the rest of the ice cream, completely forgetting that he was using it as leverage to convince you of his grand master plan.

"Was it nice?" Namjoon inquired, diverting his attention from Jimin’s panic.

"Yeah, it was nice to have a partner who wasn't a complete idiot for once."

"That's good. I'm surprised you didn't ask before, honestly. You two are always hanging out."

"Never thought about it. What about you?"

"Ah, I fucked that girl who works at that coffee shop."

"Oh, yeah, the one with the nice tits?"

"Mmm, unfortunately that's about as much good as you can say about that one."

"That's sad. I'm sorry."

"Heh, no big deal, it'll happen when it happens. Plenty of fish in the sea and all that."

"Can you guys stop doing that thing?" Jimin grumbled from his spot on the bed, clutching the ice cream container and surrounding himself with your copious amount of cat plushies, including your one-meter-long giant calico cat. His ears were still red.

"What thing?" Namjoon asked, tilting his head.

"Yeah, what thing?" you echoed, raising your brows.

Jimin rolled his eyes. "I don't get why you guys broke up."

"Pretty simple reason, really."

"I think it's obvious," you agreed.

Jimin looked from you to Namjoon, frowning.

"Well?' he demanded.

You looked at Namjoon and he caught your eye, trying not to smile. "Oh, he wants us to tell him."

"Huh, kinda seems like it, yeah. A little invasive, don't you think?" Namjoon pretended to think, rubbing his chin.

"He is a little bit of a, how to say this, nosy little brat."

"Hello, I am right here?!"

"That's a little harsh. Perhaps more akin to the local neighborhood bird that's always flying around, intruding on conversations with their loud chirping."

"You are very kind."

Jimin looked livid. He chucked one of your cat plushies at your head and you cracked up, falling to the bed laughing. Namjoon shook his head, laughing with you in that rich, full tone with low depth, a little goofy and with a lot of dimple.

"It's a dumb reason, but basically we weren’t feeling that spark," you explained, sitting up and pushing your hair out of your face. "Sure, we could fuck just fine, but it was too obvious that something was missing. We're better as friends."

"You wanna get married if we're both eighty and single?" Namjoon joked.

"Yikes, if I'm eighty and single, fuck, might as well."

"Perfect, always wanted to know how much libido I would have at that age."

"Anyway," Jimin scowled. "Back to the matter at hand."

"Oh, right, what do you think about Yoongi-hyung? He's single and he’s nice."

You rubbed your nose. “Ah, I don’t know him very well. He’s quiet, isn’t he? I get the impression that he’s a chill and lazy guy. Doesn’t talk much.”

Namjoon nodded. “Maybe you need that.”

You made a face. “Why?”

“You are kind of a chronic high-strung workaholic,” Jimin cut in.

You twitched. “No, I’m not.”

Namjoon nodded sagely. “You kind of are. I would know.”

“Ah, don’t do me like that,” you sighed, admitting defeat.

“Did sleeping with Jimin help?” he prompted.

“Why would that help?”

“Wow, that’s really rude,” Jimin snapped.

“But why would that help me be less of a workaholic?” you retorted, frowning. “I’m not following your logic.”

Namjoon rubbed his chin. “Maybe just a date then. With a calm guy. It will be a change of pace and you can get to know Yoongi-hyung better at the same time.”

You twisted your lips. “Why?”

He shrugged. “I think you’ll like him if you knew him better.”

You frowned.

“I don’t want to be passed around your entire friend group like a hot potato, Namjoon. I’m not going on a date with him.”

-

“Wow, Namjoon, you look a lot like your ex-girlfriend. Is it that new diet?”

Why are you standing here? Why did you agree to this? Why is did people ask you to do things and you do them? Because you were nice, that’s why. Deep, deep down in that frozen glacier canyon you called a heart. Shit. Why couldn’t you just be a bitch? That would make life a whole that easier.

“New diet and a lot of plastic surgery, modelled after the hottest woman I know,” you said sarcastically, turning around to face the deep voice.

“Mmm, I agree.”

You froze a little, seeing Min Yoongi standing there nonchalantly. Black hat with two silver rings punched into it, black leather jacket over a white t-shirt, black jeans with rips at the knees. Nice black boots. Silver hoop earrings and an assortment of silver rings. Yoongi had always dressed well, but it felt strange knowing he still dressed like this even though it was to meet you.

Well, maybe it was just because he was out being seen by people and not you specifically.

“I didn’t know you liked rap,” Yoongi commented, holding up his ticket.

You held up yours. “I like all music. And who doesn’t like Epik High?” You laughed a little. “Funny that you also printed out the ticket. Does that make us old?”

Yoongi shrugged. “I like having a physical copy. For memories.”

“Mmm. Sentimental.”

He looked to the direction of the venue. Then he looked back to you. There was something different in his expression now. You tilted your head. Then you saw his dark brown orbs slide up and down. A strange shiver went up your spine.

Yoongi was checking you out.

And he wasn’t hiding it.

“You look nice.”

You didn’t miss the way the side of his lips curved upwards, giving his words little bit of a dangerous edge.

You looked down at yourself, at the black denim jacket layered over a long black-and-white striped shirtdress. Thick-soled knee-high black boots, because you were going to a concert and wanted to be comfortable. Your mesh silver choker cut into your neck a little from looking downwards. You wore a single ring on your left hand, middle finger.

A silver raven’s skull.

“Ah… should have put forth more effort. You look neater than I do,” you mused, starting to walk.

“Hm.”

You almost didn’t hear his next words.

“If you had put forth more effort, it might have been too risky for me.”

You ticked you head back and found Yoongi smirking at you under his hat, flashing a bit of his white teeth.

“You gonna drink?”

-

“I told you, I gotta drive.”

“I’m not pressuring you. I’m just confused why you would buy overpriced water.”

You clicked you tongue. “Well, they don’t exactly let you bring your own.”

Yoongi chuckled, taking a sip of his beer.

“And besides, you’re buying even more overpriced alcohol, so you’re worse.”

His eyes slid to yours. “I need it.”

You unscrewed the cap and drank the cold water, feeling it ice your veins. “And I need hydration.”

“You don’t drink because you lose control, huh? Control of what, exactly?”

You shifted on your heels. “I get too oppressive. It’s no good for anybody.”

You usually arrived early to these things, so there was time to kill. There were lots of people around, but for some reason it felt like the only person you could hear was Yoongi standing right next to you. The other people around you were only white noise.

“Namjoon and Jimin say you work too much.”

You clicked your tongue. “Namjoon and Jimin need to mind their own business.”

Yoongi chuckled. There was a dry rasp to it, low and sexy. “You still work at that hospital?”

“Yeah. I work on their software. There’s always something wrong with that outdated piece of shit,” you muttered. “Should really just tear it up and overhaul it, but the superiors won’t do it because it’s expensive. Like it isn’t expensive fixing it every five seconds, but okay.”

“Heh, that’s how that generation is. Outdated.”

You huffed. “Mmm, you can say that again.” You cocked your water bottle to him. “You work at the same music company as Namjoon, right? Producer?”

Yoongi nodded. “Mhm.”

You sensed a little bit of embarrassment for some reason. Then you noticed he was looking at your ring.

“You wondering about this?” You turned your wrist and held it up, water swishing behind it.

“You always wear it. Namjoon give it to you?” he asked, taking another sip of his beer.

You shook your head, laughing a little. “Nah. Different ex.” You looked down at it. “And they didn’t give it to me. They said something to me and it stuck with me. When I saw this ring, I decided to buy it.”

You recalled the quote like it was yesterday.

“Take thy beak from out my heart, and take thy form from off my door.”

Yoongi blinked at you.

You translated the English from Korean and he raised his eyebrows.

“Edgar Allan Poe?”

You dropped your hand, clicking your tongue. “Basically saying I was a lingering poison of a human being and they wanted to break up with me.”

Yoongi tutted. “Interesting. How creative.”

You rolled your eyes. “What I get for fucking literature majors during university, I guess.”

“But you brought the ring anyway.”

You paused, looking down at the silver raven skull.

“To remind myself to stop fucking literature majors.”

You looked up at Yoongi and his eyes searching your expression. It was suddenly a weird moment, his eyes so solidly on you, as if he could see everything, but that was impossible. Your skin tingled all over, even under your clothes.

“They were insecure, huh?” he murmured.

You shrugged. “Made me question every fucking interaction I've ever had, wondering if I left the wrong impression or could be misinterpreted or some shit. Everything was so messed up.” You frowned, adjusting your shoulder slightly, sighing out the thoughts of the past. “Ah, it was a long time ago anyway. I’ve already erased them.”

“Is that why you broke up with Namjoon?”

You rolled your eyes. “Why does everybody think there’s some big drama between Namjoon and I? Would we still be friends if there was something that serious?”

Yoongi took another sip. “I think I speak for everyone when I say it seemed like you suited each other.”

“Hah, it’s not that we don’t have similarities. Kind of the opposite, really.” You waved a hand. “You know, two people have certain preferences and one of us was always on the bottom and neither of us liked that. Maybe it was him or me, and I love the guy, but not like that. We could fuck and it would be great, but we both agreed there wasn’t that… feeling. That shiver you get with that person. Sometimes I think we only got together because everyone kept pressuring us, saying we should, and not because we actually wanted to.”

“Hmm.”

The lights dimmed and you turned to face the stage.

“What about Jimin?”

“What about him?”

“Heard you plucked a hair off his dick.”

You twitched. “Let me guess, Taehyung told you.”

“Taehyung told everyone. He was a bit drunk.”

You scoffed, shaking your head. “Jimin’s a great friend, but he’s a bit clingy with me. Always wants to be near someone. It can be good for some people, but I don’t think I could take it twenty-four-seven if we were actually dating. Not my type.”

“Do you have a type?”

You shot Yoongi a look as the crowd began to hum with excitement. “Do you?”

Those cat-like eyes gleamed in the impeding darkness, a flash of white from his open-mouthed smirk.

“I wouldn’t have agreed to this date if I didn’t.”

-

“Did you enjoy the show?”

“Yeah, it was great. Never seen you excited like that, eh, Yoongi?” You smacked him lightly in the arm, smirking. “That’s the most energy I’ve ever seen you have.”

He stuck his tongue in his cheek. His cheeks were lightly pink, although he didn’t seem drunk. “I have energy. I’m just not wasting it.”

“Hmm.”

A short silence as the crowd filtered out around you, but again, even though you were surrounded by people, the only one that seemed to be heard was the man in front of you, peering down at you from underneath his black cap, a small smirk on his lips, tiny flash of pink tongue as he moved it inside his mouth.

“You driving home, yes?”

“Yeah.” You stared into his brown eyes. “Want a ride?”

An eyebrow lifted. “Inviting me to fuck?”

Blunt.

You scoffed. “Nah. I already told Namjoon and Jimin I’m not gonna be passed around their friend group like a hot potato. This was nice though. I enjoyed it.”

He looked you up and down again. That strange shiver went up and down your spine again. He stared you down. You stared back, unrelenting. The world was loud, but this moment was your eyes and his eyes, electricity between them.

Yoongi’s smirk widened.

-

"I always wanted a beautiful woman to tie me up."

Men. Women. Nonbinary. Agender. Gender neutral. Gender fluid. Didn't fucking matter, people were people, and they always wanted shit from you. Always. It was always about what they could get from you and how they could pretend to be what you wanted to get what they wanted. Everyone always looking out for themselves.

You could respect that.

Just, for once, it would be nice if someone wanted to give you what you wanted.

You cracked your neck and looked down at his dark eyes covered in messy black hair, his pale cheeks less pink now, his head on your pillows and sandwiched in between your plethora of cat plushies, pink lower lip in his teeth.

Smirking.

Wasn't hiding a damn thing.

"Who knew you could be a bad boy, Min Yoongi?"

His smirk widened, tongue between his teeth.

"I'm good when I'm good. When I'm bad, I'm better."

His black cap with the two silver rings was somewhere on your bedroom floor and so was his leather jacket, his shirt, his jeans, and his socks. His pale wrists were tied together with red bondage rope. Yours. You were straddling his chest, missing only one article of clothing.

Alright, you were missing socks too.

No one fucked with socks on. If you did, maybe it was time to reevaluate your life.

“You don’t mind being tied up, hm?” you taunted, sliding out of your jacket, tossing it aside.

Everyone wanted something.

What did Min Yoongi want?

Yoongi let his tongue slide out, dancing in the air. Taunting you back before replying.

“Just because you’re tied up doesn’t mean you’re not in control.”

Your hand paused in front of the button placket of your shirtdress. You traced a button with your thumb, slowly, watching his face. Spread your legs more, lowering yourself, hovering over him. You could feel him breathe under you, patient, humming with energy. He flitted the wet pink muscle, skimming his lower lip, waiting. Dark brown orbs hazed with lust under strands of black.

“You wanna stop after sitting on my face, that’s fine, but you have to at least sit on my face.”

You chuckled. “Yeah?”

You sat down on his torso and he sucked in a breath, eyes flicking down to the darkness still covered by your shirt, then back up to your face. You shifted your hips slowly, smearing the hot, dripping softness on his skin.

“Could just… stop here.”

You scooted upward, drawing a fat line of your juices up his chest and to his neck. You knew how much pressure to apply. Didn’t seem to matter though, because Yoongi didn’t seem to give a fuck. He tipped his head back, pressing his Adam’s apple into your throbbing heat and shuddering in pleasure. His gaze found yours and you stopped, suddenly trapped, a moment of his eyes and your eyes, electricity flaring between them.

“I’m glad Namjoon asked me to take you on a date,” Yoongi drawled, deep voice vibrating your heated, wet core from his throat. “Made me feel less guilty about wanting to fuck you.”

You raised an eyebrow. “Got some weird bro code rules or something?”

He smirked. “Oh, I respect him.” He swallowed and you felt a shiver slide up your spine, feeling the action from your throbbing pussy faster than you heard it. “I just want you more.” Exhale, and you felt the warmth against your shirt, making it flutter. You unbuttoned it slowly, one by one. “Want to see the satisfaction on your face when I make you cum.” Slowly, not parting the shirt yet, letting him see the line of exposed skin. His eyes travelled up and down shamelessly, not hiding anything. He noticed you observing him and grinned.

That open-mouthed smirk, teeth and hint of tongue.

“Come on. Give it to me.”

Voice so deep it seemed to be shimmering through you, dark eyes flashing in the darkness.

Teasing you.

“Gonna make you cum so hard, you’ll untie me and beg me to fuck you.”

You cocked a brow.

“Let’s see.”

You sat on his face.

You felt Yoongi’s smirk against your soaked folds for a second before his tongue slid in, instantly making your thighs tense at the sensation. Hot to hot, wet to wet, no, wetter, your hands on your headboard as his tongue curled inside you, thrusting upwards, drinking the wetness from you, low moan vibrating through your torso and you felt his eyes on you, on your shirt slowly opening, one shoulder gliding down, and you shrugged out of it, suddenly boiling, skin pricking from the heat of his gaze, tossing it aside, leaving you in your black bra.

He tipped his chin up and you gasped, feeling his tongue swipe upward, fuck, a smooth, deft motion, circling your clit. You clicked your tongue and rolled your hips into his face. Yoongi chuckled before latching onto it and sending a burning wave of pleasure through you.

Your nails dug into the headboard, making a loud scrape.

He purred your name against your packed nerves and you drenched his chin, glaring down at him.

Yoongi had the audacity to bounce his eyebrow in response.

Alright, you could admit it.

Going on a date with Min Yoongi was not a waste of time.

You grinded against his face and he sucked and licked your clit at the same time, fuck, moans in his throat, not unaffected by you humping his face, but resolute, focused on his task of pleasuring you, shivering as your hand fitted around his head, fingers tangling in his already messy black hair, roughly fucking his face as his tongue assaulted you, somehow the perfect mix of demanding and servitude, hot exhale on your skin, your juices covering his chin and cheeks, your soft thighs pressed against his face, teetering between suffocating and barely enough breath, closer, closer, the tightness rising within you, looking down as you felt your opening flexing against his chin and his eyes flickered up to you instantly, imprinting the memory of his dark brown orbs overtaken by black pupils staring into yours, lips wrapped around your clit, in the midst of pushing you to the edge.

“Fucking shit,” you hissed. “You’re so fucking sexy.”

Something flitted in his eyes and he looked back down immediately, increasing his pace and you moaned, closed fist against the headboard, but not missing his reaction. A slow smile grew on your lips, hand in his hair relaxing, massaging his scalp.

“You like being praised?” you purred, sweet octave to your voice.

The quickest flick of his gaze before licking your clit furiously as a reply.

Hot sparks igniting your veins, drawing in a tight breath, staring down, putting a little more weight on him, but Yoongi didn’t say anything, not even looking at you anymore, so close. You knew it would only take a little more. You could tell from the viscous slickness that was coating his skin that you had maybe seconds left.

“A handsome face and talented tongue,” you breathed. “No wonder I couldn’t resist you, Yoongi.”

His whimper made you tremble in delight, eyes to eyes, addicted to it, him to you and you to him, and you gasped his name, biting your lip and throwing your head back as your hips rocked into his mouth and spilled onto his face with a wet squelch, fuck, so much even you could smell it, hearing Yoongi groan as it filled his mouth, his tongue shoving into your folds and lapping up the rapid pulses, your throbbing clit on the back of his tongue, pressing into you, his nose in your crotch, one of your hands in his hair and one on the headboard, muscles flexing and quivering with the ecstasy, eyelids closing, immersed in it. Savoring the feeling coursing through your body, from your core to your limbs to your head, filling you with shivers that were unlike anything you had ever felt before.

You removed some pressure from his face, letting go of his head, but Yoongi followed, hungrily licking you all over, nipping at your inner thighs, flinches of pleasure extending your high before going back to your pussy, up, down, side to side, drenching you in his saliva and drinking your cum like it was his fucking life force.

Well, shit.

You opened your eyes, panting.

Damn.

You had a whole speech prepared for Namjoon and Jimin about how setting you up with their friends was a bad idea and how they should mind their own fucking business and now you had to prepare a speech about how you needed your house keys back because you were going to fuck Min Yoongi every second of every day and you hadn’t even had his dick yet.

You looked down at him.

Yoongi’s eyes were slightly unfocused, exhaling heavily against your crotch, staring at it.

“Fuck me, you have a pretty pussy,” he muttered under his breath. “Fuck.”

Half of your cat plushies were on the bed and the other half were on the floor.

“You have an excellent tongue,” you chuckled. “Why didn’t you tell me before?”

He blinked once and his gaze was on you, half-shyness, half-cockiness, wholly sexy as fuck.

“Didn’t want to make Namjoon feel bad,” he snickered, pink lips shiny with your juices. “You would have left him a lot sooner if you knew.”

You raised an eyebrow.

Something about his tone make you think Yoongi meant it on some level.

You wouldn’t have tried to find out, but now that you experienced it…

Maybe.

“Hey.”

“Hm?”

Yoongi gave you that smirk you were beginning to become addicted to seeing. “That all you want from me?”

You laughed, sly and full.

“No, Yoongi, I’m gonna need your dick.”

-

“I don’t beg, so I’m not untying you.”

“Damn, what a terrible result.”

Yoongi didn’t seem the least bit worried about it.

He sank his nails into your ass and pushed himself in, your hand snaked below to guide him. You weren’t unreasonable, after all. You helped him put on the condom and shoved your tits in his face, rubbing your nipples all over his cheeks, his pink tongue stretching from side to side, eyes on you the entire time, getting harder and harder with the way you manhandled him, moaning into your skin.

Not hiding anything.

“Fuck, you’re so tight,” he hissed, gritting his teeth, gripping your ass, wrists still bound. He violently smacked his hips into your ass and you grinned, hands now on the bed.

“Mmm, what a nice…” You pulsed, making Yoongi groan. “Hard.” Again, hearing his ecstasy. “Cock.” He scraped your ass and up your back, gasping for breath, desperation in his touch. You turned your head, giving him the reflection of his own smirk. He gazed back, eyes glazed over, torso shuddering from the repeated massaging of his length buried in you, all from your muscle control.

“Hold on, Yoongi.”

Something between teasing and adoration, and you visibly saw Yoongi tremble in excitement.

“You got it.”

You turned back and sank your hands into your pillows, sliding on his stiffness and ramming yourself back onto it, making both him and you groan in unison, rough, deep strokes of visceral fucking, you commanding the pace. Didn’t matter if you were the one on your hands and knees, you used him and he wanted to be used, barely able to grip your waist, moaning your name and fucking you back, loud, sloppy smacks of ass to crotch, flexing your shoulder blades akin to a lioness on the prowl chasing their prey, and you heard Yoongi chuckle, breathing swallow and euphoric.

“Look at this back view, fuck, you are the sexiest woman alive.”

Breathless with desire, smug at having you, in awe of your prowess, all at once, clutching the small of your waist as you clenched around him, the shudders of your walls closing in, painting his crotch and balls with you, his quivering moan trapped in his chest because he could barely get it out. You caught your lower lip between your teeth, feeling him fill you as you pushed back, the rush immeasurable, unfathomable, anchoring your palms into your mattress and growling his name, the smacking of hips to hips, desperation to desperation, a brief reprieve as you snatched a cat plush and jammed it under your chest before you reached back and felt for the end of the rope, unlacing the knot with ease, and Yoongi yanked his wrists free with a swift hiss of satisfaction, grabbing your ass and fiercely fucking you, harder, rougher, just as much for him as it was for you, your name falling from his lips, unable to hide his lust, chasing it, chasing you, and you didn’t let up.

“Yoongi, fuck, yes, your cock feels so fucking good, fuck!”

Deep, intense, powerful, everything you were and everything he was, and it all crashed down, stealing your breath, pleasure clawing up your spine and taking over, lungs suddenly emptied with the force of each hard pulse of pleasure snaking upwards to fill the void, squeezing him so hard that you weren’t sure if that was voluntary or not, your joined inner thighs trembling and dripping, sweet slickness sliding down, drenching you and Yoongi, his groan piercing the air and cutting through your thoughts. His cock twitched and jerked, pumping thick gushes of cum and swelling the condom inside you.

Fucking shit, did you hold your breath? Everything lightheaded and hazy, reaching up and slapping your hand against the headboard, sucking in a lungful of air and rocking your hips back, riding the wave. Your felt Yoongi’s grip on your waist tighten, his pants so heavy you could feel the weight of his exhale on your back, heating your skin.

Snarl in your throat, definitive.

“I need this cock, Yoongi, need you and this perfect cock and I’m going to use it until I’m done.”

Rolling your hips, listening to his wanton moan at your words and the sensation, the messy squish of your movement, clenching around the sensitive head, slow, tight, your fingers curling to a fist, his name on your lips, low and seductive, and he responded in kind, your name in the same tone, drunk on the moment, the feeling, the power you had over him.

His nails in your back, creating long lines down your spine, and the shiver you got with that person, dancing up and down your vertebrate, unmistakable.

Yoongi gave it to you.

-

“Hey, so how’d it go–whoa!”

You popped your head out of your mountain of cat plushies and glared at the offender who burst into your bedroom. Who the fuck was that?

Guess.

“Jimin, do you know what personal space is?” Yoongi muttered from beside you, lifting himself on his elbows to peer disapprovingly over your naked shoulder.

“He doesn’t,” you mumbled, flopping back down.

“So… went well?” came Jimin’s cheerful and teasing voice from the doorframe.

You heard a cat plush get thrown like a cannonball.

“Ow, fuck, okay, I get it, hyung!” Jimin cackled, stumbling down your hallway. “I’ll come back later!”

“Don’t,” Yoongi snapped back, grumbling as he slid back down on the bed.

“You better pick him back up later,” you warned, referring to the plush.

“You dumped half of them on the ground so we could sleep.”

“No, they fell because we were fucking.”

You opened your eyes to see Yoongi smirking at you. There was a cat plush next to his head. One of your favorites. You picked it up and bonked him in the head with it. He made a disgruntled grunt and flinched away from it, ending up closer to your face. Eyes to eyes, electricity between them. You smirked, matching him, leaning in, arm curving around his head.

Tapping the tuxedo cat plush on his shoulder.

His breath against your lips, lust and fondness, not hiding anything.

“Hey, Yoongi.”

“Hm?”

Playing along, a willing participant in your games, one eye open, as if he was winking at you.

“I like you. You’re mine.”

He chuckled, a little raspy, a little embarrassed, and a lot amused.

“Sit on my shoulder, my raven. I’ll never ask you to leave.”

--

masterpost

[thedumbguywithaheart43]

Boomlord weird adventure

Chapter 8 what time is it?

It was early morning in the omnispace void. Boomwood had gotten to the kitchen to start brewing coffee as the footsteps of a yawning purple hair woman enter the room."morning Twilight."Twilight mearly gave him a wave before sitting down. Looked at her noticing the look on her face. To be honest she looked exhausted.'ah shit'he quickly poured a shot glass of the Cuban coffee and handed it to her. She stared at the coffee for a minute."I appreciate the gesture but I doubt this is going to do much for me."good Lord gave out a chuckle."Twilight trust me this is Cuban coffee any more than this and you'll be wired."He gave out a chuckle before Twilight downed the shot, unsurprisingly her face scrunched up. This was probably the most bitter thing she ever had."bleh! Why would you drink something so bitter!"Boomlord shrugged."honestly I only drink it for the caffeine. If it helps I think I have some orange juice in the fridge."Twilight just looked down rubbing her head . Not long after the other girls walked in each of them heading into the fridge grabbing various fruits mostly apples. Pinkie pie was the only one who grabbed something else, looks like she found the flan and was in heaven."oh my Celestia this tastes so good!"At least she wasn't breaking the fourth wall again.

2 After everyone ate they all headed to the living room again."ok girls this is it we are heading to the next world. Now before I go this mission is not meant to be dangerous however the world we're entering can be a bit chaotic so be prepared for anything."The rest of the girls nodded they likely had assumed as much from the previous conversations."so where are we going anyway"dash blurted out as boom pulled out his pen."yeah I'm with Dash partner id hate to go in blind."Aj took a step forward to make her point."we're going to a place called ooo I spent a lot of time there and it's the only place I can really say I have friends anymore...."booms voice got deep as a sorrowful look overtook his face for a minute. This was enough to make Applejack back off. Twilight in particular took a mental note of this.'guess friends are a touchy subject for him.' boom grabbed his notepad An drew another circle, in the center he wrote °adventure Time 1°as always the golden electrical ring formed with a blackened middle. Boomlord jumped into the portal and when he landed his feet were on solid ground. Solid green grassy ground. He surveyed the area around him noticing he was in a grassy clear field however the ends of what looks like old nuclear bombs stuck out overtaken by the grassy plains. The girls enter next each of them still in their same outfits however 4 of the girls had notable changes to them . Twilight and rarity each had a sword at their side. Twilight sword with a sleek and purple short sword with her cutie mark on the hilt. Rarity sword on the other hand looked as if it were made of blue crystal with a white metal hilt her cutie mark also on it. Fluttershy and rainbow Dash had also had the return of their wings which Dash took this opportunity to fly up into the air a bit doing a few loops and swirls."Hell yeah I missed this!"boom couldn't help but smile."Real fly girl up there."a few of them awkwardly smile."so where's our destination?"Twilight asked giving him a quick grin knowing that he's trying his best to make everyone feel better about being in a strange world."we're going to see princess bubblegum at the Candy Kingdom."and just like that he found himself lying on the ground being pinned by pinkie pie."DID YOU SAY CANDY KINGDOM! A KINGDOM MADE OF CANDY IS THIS PLACE PARADISE O.M.C O.M.C."Twilight practically had to pry pinky off of him ."yes the entire Kingdom from the trees to the ground is made of candy including the people."He started to brush himself off as pinky smile only widen."but please don't eat the Candy people or I will probably have to stop you"pinky reluctantly nodded.

3"rainbow do you mind taking an aerial view try to find the place that looks like it's surrounded by Pink cotton candy trees.... Well because it is surrounded by Pink cotton candy trees."boom called out before stopping looking at the ground a large Shadow now loomed over them. It was Spike. All the ponies turn to look back in both shock and horror. Spike mostly remain the same with one slight difference... He was absolutely Giant. His whole body in total was about the size of a two sorry house and his wings could probably cover all of them with ease."oh yeah I forgot dragons are huge here but at least he still looks different from them normally they're just Giant tube dragons with big ass butts."The ponies/girls stared for a moment but in silent agreement they chose not to address it not that Spike would mind he was too busy checking himself out."oh crap I'm HUGE you guys look so small from up here!" It was the most adorable giant grin in the world. Rainbow decided now was a good time to take him to the air as she being flapping her wings disappearing above the clouds. Surveying the land below she was able to make out what looks like pink trees and a large structure that looked somewhat like a castle."guess that must be what I'm looking for."she kept looking around noticing in One direction was a rather large tree that almost looks like it had Windows in it and in the opposite direction she noticed tall mountains made entirely of ice."heh heh heh what do we have here"a voice from nowhere stated in a malicious tone from behind her. Is she turned to look behind her she saw a giant monster with a bat like face and long blue limbs with crooked nails.'OH SHIT'at this point rainbow Dash started nose diving down towards her friends with the creature in pursuit who was maliciously chuckling the entire way down. The rest of the group saw the creature and the girls had various reactions. Applejack rarity and Twilight look like they were getting ready to fight with rarity and Twilight pulling out their swords. Fluttershy and Pinky had decided to stick near Spike who is now using his wings to shield them.Then there was boom standing out in the open as dash passed him and he just smiled. Apon seeing him the creature stopped a look of surprise on our face."hey Marceline it's been a while"the creature began to shrink taking on a human form she had pale white skin and incredibly long black hair which reached down to her feet a simple jacket and jeans and her ,guitar-axe strapef to her back and a nice big floopy hat which covered her in a shroud of darkness. She give out a wide smile revealing her fangs before wrapping her arms around boom giving him a hug."holy glob dude!your back it's been like 4 months!"he returned the embrace from his old friend as the rest of the girls started to calm down noticing that whatever that thing was it seemed friendly at least now it did."oh that's right."he turned to the girls and dragon."everyone this is my old friend Marceline... The vampire queen"a few of the girls jaw started to drop."your freinds with a literal blood sucking vampire?"Marceline shrugged at Twilight comment."actually it's just the color I'm after."Marceline started floating on her back around them."so boom what brings you and your new friends back to ooo."Boomlord got quiet."I found it Marcy.... I found the Rose fire and they're here because Twilight here"pointing at the slightly flustered purple pony girl."is the key to everything."Marceline stopped moving for a moment the words settling in her mind."oh we need to get to the Candy Kingdom right away then."then without word Marceline started floating off towards the direction of the Kingdom and boom followed along with the girls and the giant dragon...... Yeah that might be a problem.

4 After a few hours of walking they all managed to reach the candy kingdom with Spike deciding to hide in the trees to avoid unwanted attention. Pinkie pie look like she was about to go crazy or more crazy."o.m.c so m-much candy!"she was practically foaming at the mouth."look pinky just eat the sidewalk or something just please don't start eating random people I don't want to deal with any drama today especially because we need the princess's help."the pony started walking forward into the rather nice town and to boomlord credit every building and every person was made of candy, And many candies citizens passed by. Mr cupcake crunchy punch bowl guy."wow this is actually really fascinating I can't help but wonder what they're DNA is like how do candy people procreate do they need to breathe or eat its quite fascinating"Twilight then begin rambling about a whole bunch of science jargon that boom did not know but he found himself listening to every word she spoke it wasn't until arsenaline tapped his shoulder that he snapped out of his trance."I see you found a real good friend~"she whispered in a teasing tone."w-what no she's just um cool you know for someone who was a horse the other day."Marceline rolled her eyes."horse or not you always did have a thing for a Smart ones~."boom felt his blood pump. "Oh you're one to talk."Marceline then backed off she knew how far she could go before boom would made her regret it. After a while of walking the group then found themselves at the castle as a pink cared and pink skinned princess in a long pink dress noticed them."oh my! Boom you have returned and with.. many female companions huh"princess bubblegum gave a smirk."oh don't you start now too!" Boom was probably going to say more before pb gave him a warm hug."so I assume this has to do with the rose fire."bubblegum look down at him and while she kept a smile her face was full of worry."yeah Twilight here um it's kind of a long story."bubblegum nodded."it always is."about an hour had passed after this meeting and boom had explained to Marceline and bubblegum how we came to meet the girls and discover the fire leaving out the parts where he burned himself or threw a skillet at Twilight."interesting I'll probably have to run a few scans on Twilight then with her permission."Twilight nodded."good we'll start by using the rejuvenation tank to monitor your body and vitals while I conduct a few scans"boom notice that she was pointing to the large tank filled with water and knew that this meant that Twilight was going to have to strip down which he then took his cue to leave. "I'll be back soon gonna check on stuff."and before anyone could say anything he left the room.

(oh and before I forget I'll be opening asks for boomlord and Friends so if they appear in the story feel free to ask them a question ask box is officially open)

[galaxythreads]

oh hey hey! 9? for the fanfic ask? and 35!!! I'd love to hear you ramble. (esp if its something sciency, it's always so cool when you talk science stuff)

Thanks for the ask, Widow!! Sorry I took so long. Life is. Bleh. 

9: Which character(s) do you find most difficult to write?

This is actually going to sound weird, but...none of them? I mean, that first transition into writing a different cast of characters for a different fandom is utterly AWFUL, but once I get over that hill and start understanding the characters psyche better, I don’t really fight with them that much. I mean, ha, my first attempts to understand characters and write them is Terrible. You guys read my early SPN or MCU stories and you would all laugh. Or cringe. It’s literally pages and pages of second hand embarrassment. So. Summarize and stop the rambles: once I write characters more, the easier I find it is to write them. 

35:  Ramble about any fic-related thing you want!

*promptly forgets every fanfic I have ever written* uh. Y’know when someone asks you your favorite song and you just...can’t remember any sound you’ve ever witnessed? Yup. 

Okay. Thinking, thinking. We’re going to ramble about The Blodig Skog, a marvel story for pre-Thor This story takes forever to get going. I have this one burst where I write an entire chapter in 1-2 days and then nothing for months. Because it sucks like that. But what I really want to talk about is the PTSD riddled within. 

A lot of the time in media, PTSD is treated like it is exactly the same for everyone, and...it’s not. I mean, sure, the symptoms can be the same, but y’know how depression is different for everyone? So is PTSD. So when I sat down and planned out the Blodig Skog, I came to the conclusion that I was going to vastly differentiate between how Loki and Thor deal with the trauma.

Thor is absolute avoidance. He’d rather do anything other than think about what’s bothering him. He doesn’t have nightmares about it. He doesn’t have flashbacks. But it lingers with him, all the time, like a ghost haunting over him. And because Thor wasn’t tortured endlessly for months, he’s frustrated with himself for feeling angsty about it. He is doing his best to ignore people, because his limp absolutely humiliates him. He is shrinking into himself, and when he does talk about it, he tries to make it funny. 

Loki, however, has nightmares. He has flashbacks. He feels like he never left. And because of this, he wants to return, simply because he doesn’t want his mind to be so divided anymore. He wants to talk about it, but is terrified of how he’ll be received. He is hyperaware of everyone and everything. Every intention feels like a threat, because Loki is at war with himself, so it only makes sense that he’s at war with everyone else, right? He picks fights with his parents, his peers, Thor, everyone. He wants to talk about what happened. He wants that so desperately, but there’s no one he trusts to listen without judgement. This isn’t funny, and he doesn’t want anyone to treat it like it is. The world has shifted around him with the Warriors and Sif treating him differently, so where is he supposed to fit? So Loki almost daydreams about returning to the Weeping Siren, because yeah, it sucked, but at least then he’s whole. 

And I mean, unreliable narrator kind of applies to both of them, because they’re not functioning. And sure, of course Odin and Frigga want to help them, but they can’t get them to talk. At least in this ‘verse, Loki and Thor mostly raised each other with some interference from nurse maids, and, so, Frigga and Odin suddenly taking interest in their lives is...mind boggling to them. They want it, but they don’t know how to receive it so they push it away because it’s easier. This is why Loki is snapping at them all the time, because their undivided attention feels like some sort of joke. It’s only there for this brief moment, then it’s going to go again, right?

And in the end, because of these conflicting opinions about how they reacted to the trauma, Loki and Thor don’t know how to be around each other. It’s not a conscious decision, but they pick fights, they shout, and yell, but, they don’t know what else to do. And on top of all this trauma from Vanaheim, they already have the crap that had been building up for centuries before, so their both like bottle of carbonation that’s been shook. Start talking and they’ll explode.

And, I just. Yup. I really, really don’t think people recognize how much effort I put into planning out these stories. XD You get like, 7 hours of entertainment, while I sell my soul and become obsessive. 

More fun facts about this ‘verse:

Vanaheim and Asgard almost went to war when Loki and Thor didn’t come back in the Weeping Siren, and have been on very tense relations since. 

The Blodig Skog means “Bloody Forest” 

Rydat (The Weeping Siren’s name) loosely means “sobbing” in Russian. 

One of the reasons Sif hates Loki because his relationship with Thor is much better than hers is with her own sister. She’s jealous that he’s connected to his family.

The Weeping Siren’s children were killed by something in that tunnel. Something that is going to be important for the Blodig Skog. ;D 

[secret-engima]

Okay so- finally got back to watching FFXIV yesterday. Unfortunately, Tumblr was not in the mood to actually LET ME LIVEBLOG, which was what I wanted to do because hey some of you might find my reactions to the plot funny. So I wrote the below rambles in a doc as I watched so I could at least post my reactions later. Just cause I’m stubborn and Tumblr will not get to deny me my nonsense-posting.

...

ANYWAY. Finally got to see the Titan fight and wow is he ugly. Bleh. Ugly Titan, go back in your hole and contemplate your shame, you are nothing like FFXV Titan’s awesomeness.

Oh look Lahabrea is back, I forgot you existed until you showed up again. Creep.

Y’shtola I saw you snooping over there, how long have you actually been here watching WoL nearly die so you could spy on Lahabrea and his merry band of nut jobs? WoL could have used you down there. Don’t play innocent with me.

Whatever it’s not like I can get mad at you anyway.

...

Yay we survived facing down another Primal! And got another weird crystal thing (also yay???). Now we have to go report to Limsa- Limso- the Pirate Nation of Pirates. It’s been so long since I watched these cutscenes I can’t remember anyone’s names anymore I swear.

Also the Kobolds said something about the Pirate Nation breaking the peace treaty thing FIRST is that something that was discussed earlier in the game and I have forgotten or is this new information? Also is it actually Lahabrea’s fault because this seems like his kind of shenanigans. Then again- Pirate Nation. They could have easily done the crime and refused to own up to it.

…

PINK LIGHTNING MIQO’TE. Ahem sorry. The cutscene movie I watch isn’t ONLY cutscenes and a player just ran by that looked JUST like FF13 Lightning but as a Miqo’te and it was cool.

…

Hang on there are unconscious bodies all over the Scion hideout and the lights are out.

Either everyone is drunk or we were just attacked while WoL was out and something horrible is about to happen/be revealed.

...

IT WAS AN ATTACK. THE ADORABLE SYLPH IS DOWN I REPEAT THE ADORABLE SYLPH IS DOWN. HOW DARE. 

...

WOMAN WITH A GUN FOR AN ARM. Sorta. HOW DARE. Is she Garlean or Ascian? She’s got that mechanical vibe the other Garlean’s do but considering they broke into the Scion base she might be Ascian. Annnnnd she wants WoL. Perfect. Lovely.

WoL can never actually get a nice celebration and pat on the back can they? Always some new disaster waiting around the corner.

...

Minfilia you are an idiot. I love you and you have a spine of steel. But you are an idiot. Of COURSE the woman with a gun strapped to her arm and a creepy dragon mask wouldn’t agree to those surrender conditions. You should have RUN AWAY. Or fought. Or something. Why surrender before being certain the enemy will adhere to the conditions of it? I mean- just-

Hgfdnhgdhgfd never mind I’m sure you did what you could.

Also there is absolutely a traitor in the Scions for the bad guys to find this place. I think I know who it is. Won’t say who until I’m proven right or wrong.

...

This Livia woman sounds awfully like Ventress from Star Wars.

...

…They killed the Slyph.

THEY KILLED THE SLYPH.

*Cocks imaginary shotgun* Please tell me WoL gets to go break spines after the church sanctuary business.  P L E A S E.

THE ADORABLE SLYPH MUST BE AVENGED AND TATARU RESCUED.

And Minfilia too I guess. Though she might be able to escape on her own if she starts using that brain of hers.

…

Oh hey it’s that old guy who hangs out near the graves. I think. *Squints* I sense Plot Things from this one.

Annnnd we’re off to get things for the amnesiac who has Plot Vibes. Cool.

[ruar-tel-quessir]

RELENTLESS SPOILERS (someone help)

Spoilers for R.A SALVATORE’S RELENTLESS  Pretty big (confusing) spoilers if you haven’t finished the book.  If you have finished the book, please help me understand Sorry, that this is ramble-y. I just finished the book and I had a lot of questions. 

Am I just not getting this “infection” angle the book is going for? 

Lolth was a goddess, perhaps, but also perhaps, a demon, and a being with a physical form. But she was also much more than all that. A bit of Lolth was inside every reasoning being, usually dormant, but like a disease or infection, it could awaken. ((p317)) 

I’m sorry but what?? Inside every reasoning being yet, predominantly, only the Drow are suffering from said “infection”? I don’t understand how that could make any sort of sense. As if the Drow are the only people living in conditions in which the infection could awaken? Am I not understanding or am I missing something?? 

UH and the “revelations” that Yvonnel and (especially) Quenthel have are actually kind of frustrating? Why does the Matron Mother of Menzoberranzan  so readily turn on her goddess? Because the original Yvonnel wasn’t a monster from day one? Supposedly, original Yvonnel’s memories stretch back to the founding/beginning of Menzoberranzan in which, her earliest memories she experienced hope,freedom, and joy. ((p400)) But, in the current canon, the city was founded in -3917 DR and Yvonnel was born -685 DR. That doesn’t strike me as the being as her being present for the city’s founding… On page 430 new Yvonnel monologues about how bonded all the Drow were, treating each other like family, and the Conclave (now called the Ruling Council) was there to talk about/address the concerns of all Drow. 

 “And it was Lady Lolth who led us there, before she was called the Spider Queen.” ((p400))

So, are the Crown Wars and the Dark Seldarine getting retconned??

Also it would have been better, in my opinion, if OTHER deities were given to the Drow as an option? Like using Eilistraee or Vhaeraun or hell, adding in something new. The whole scene with new Yvonnel and Quenthel restoring the driders would have been much better if it was handled differently, ie the aid of another God/Goddess. Give the Drow some options? Gods are an established thing in the Realms so them denouncing Lolth and casting a spell to cure all of the driders is so confusing to me? How does that work? Why?? I get Drizzt not adhering to any deity but not EVERY DROW needs to be like him? In the context of the world it doesn’t make sense to me. It’s divine magic. It has to be granted by something. It feels cheap and gimmicky. ~~Oooh the veil has been lifted~~ Lolth is just an infection~~ The truth has set you free and given you magically powers~~ (Bleh)

Also, if Lolth doesn’t care then why the hell was it such a big deal that Drizzt didn’t kill that elven child?? He can literally denounce Lolth to her face but sparing a life? INEXCUSABLE. The whole house is in Lolth’s disfavour, a thing confirmed by multiple sources in this book. It wasn’t retconned to be a paranoid delusion of Malice or anything. Why is the infection mad????? Because lolz chaos xD?? Plot armour only involvement??

AND on pages 288-291, the yochlols are discussing the possibility that Lolth is going to be mad at them for their antics. Why is an infection that is primarily concerned with spreading itself going to be pressed about any of this? The way they speak about Lolth is way more akin to a lore traditional Goddess than some infection. It’s not adding up for me. 

Jarlaxle at the end makes a point about the only people 100% buying into this are Kimmuriel (who felt really OOC towards the end), new Yvonnel, and Quenthel . All people that have had their minds messed with by the Illithid. More specifically he brings up Gromph, who brought Methil El Viddenvelp back into the fold, hinting that he believes Gromph could have been led to by Lolth to do so as he is often in the company of handmaidens and demons. ((p432)) Honestly this theory is more believable to me? Unless there is a lot of retcon I don’t see how this infection angle works. There is literally no reason for ONLY the Drow(mostly) to be worshipping Lolth if this “infection” lies dormant in every reasoning being. This doesn’t make the Drow nuanced or give them an interesting alternative path, in my opinion. The idea that there are these 3 megamind, enlightened people that are going to overthrow systematic oppression because they remembered some feelings from a “long” time ago is ridiculous to me. 

I don’t know. If someone read the Lolth is a disease/infection thing and liked it or thought that it would be a good direction to go with the Drow, please explain it to me. I am genuinely interested in hearing what you have to say. I do agree that the Drow need more than Lolth and the sexist/evil trope. I guess I was hoping for more inclusions of alternative gods/goddesses/cities? Or atleast some sort of genuine movement in which the common, average Drow starts to rethink the way they live and change happens from there? NOT LITERALLY THE MOST POWERFUL CHARACTERS GOING, “LOLTH IS CANCELLED”  

(again, sorry for the ramble but if anyone could help me make sense of this I would appreciate it)

[noirewrites]

For You, I will Cross Any Waters

"There are some thoughts you can't avoid and some feelings you can't deny."

A Mermaid AU based off on @ladynoirjuly2020​ prompts.

(I am a little too late to the party!)

Fandom: Miraculous Tales of Ladybug and Chat Noir

Rating: General Audiences

Warnings: No Warnings Apply

Categories: F/M

Pairing: Adrien Agreste/Marinette Dupain Cheng

Chapter 3: In Denial

“And then she dragged me around the ballroom, keeping herself attached to my arm as I met several new faces today,” Chat said, his head buried between his arms as he lay on the grass, accompanied by Ladybug as she peeped up at him from the water.

 Ladybug giggled, causing the man in black to look up at her with an eyebrow raised up.

 “Here your friend was literally tortured the entire night, and you are giggling at his expense? Bad Bugaboo,” he said while wagging a finger, his voice mock-chiding.

Ladybug let out another giggle and flipped in the water, coming out again and splashing some water on Chat’s face, eliciting a “ Hey! ” from him.

 “Well, this Chloé girl does sound a bit too clingy. Maybe she has a crush~~” the mermaid singsonged, chuckling at how Chat’s face blanched.

“Crush? On me? Bleh!” The man stuck his tongue out, his eyes squeezed shut as his face contorted into an expression of slight disgust. “Chloé’s like a sister to me. Me and her? No no no!”

 Ladybug laughed again as Chat pouted. But then, a sly smirk etched on the blond man’s face as he said in a low tone, “Plus, I would rather love to have danced with you, M’Ladybug.”

 The half-girl half-fish chuckled a bit in confusion, her voice wavering a little, “Chat, you do know that —”

“I don’t care Ladybug. I am just telling you the truth.”

 The light atmosphere suddenly turned tense. A small frown etched on the girl’s beautiful visage as she mumbled, “A love relationship between—between mermaids and humans?”

“Yes! What’s wrong with that, M’Lady?” Chat asked, his tone demanding answers.

 “Everything’s wrong with it Chat!” Ladybug argued back, her voice rising with each word. “It’s unnatural, unsafe, idiotic, sheer stupidity! A mermaid and a human in love— that’s something unjustified by Nature herself!” 

“My love for you is unconditional, Ladybug. Please, just give me one chance,” Chat said softly, his gloved hand resting where his heart would be. “One chance is all that I ask for.”

 Unshed tears pricked at her eyes, and Ladybug could see Chat’s eyes shimmering too. They were so near, yet so far. Sure, he may love her, but —

 “I am sorry, Chaton,” the mermaid whispered softly, her head duck down as she turned back to face the waters. “This is an argument we both can’t win. I guess it’s better for us to give each other some space.”

She dived into the water, ignoring Chat’s desperate call of “Ladybug, wait!”

 Ladybug kept swimming near the surface, keeping herself below the waterline as she observed her masked friend’s distorted reflection. She saw as he clenched and unclenched his fist, the pained expression clear on his face. 

He paced around a bit, and Ladybug’s sharp hearing could hear him muttering “Stupid me” repeatedly. Finally, picking up a stone, Chat had almost gotten ready to throw it in the water when on second thought, he pulled back and threw it somewhere on land instead. 

 As her heart clenched painfully, Ladybug saw him grumble and depart, his head hung low and posture totally slouched.

 Swimming down to the depths of the river, the mermaid tried to will herself to calm down and breathe. 

  Try being the keyword.

 Chat’s declaration from two days ago, and his confession of his love for her today — it all had created a maelstrom in her heart, the emotions she had meticulously buried inside herself surfacing back in full force. 

 The relationship she and Chat had — it had been wrong from the very start. His kind hunted hers for no reason. From a very young age, the ten words had been engraved deep in her mind.

  Humans are the most ruthless monsters in the entire world.

 Yet, here she was, having formed a bond of trust with a  human , going exactly against what she had been preached about. It wasn’t a friendship — it was something deeper, something more true and real and, and—

 —it was equally maddening and horrifying.

 Shaking her head and ignoring the chirping of her earrings, Ladybug tried her best to shove the thoughts back into some dark, isolated corner of her mind. But the stupid musings didn’t even budge an inch. 

 Letting out a frustrated sound, she clutched at her hair, her head swimming in confusion. It was only when her earrings gave a final chirp and the red glow of her detransformation surrounded her that she came back to reality.

Her red and black scale mask faded away to leave behind a clear face. Her huge red-and-black decorated mermaid tail faded away too, leaving behind a slightly smaller yet beautiful pink tail, softer in appearance than her earlier one.

 “Marinette—” the little fish that had come out of her earrings spoke softly to the distraught mermaid, reaching out for her.

In response, Marinette just waved the fish away, shaking her head as she zoomed through the water at a fast speed, attempting to escape from her mind-boggling thoughts.

 “Marinette, wait!” The tiny being shouted, swimming fast to catch up with the mermaid. It was after a good couple of minutes that she caught up with her.

 “Marinette, you can’t run away from reality, no matter how much you want to,” the red and black polka dotted creature said, her tone full of concern and worry.

“But, Tikki,” Marinette wailed, her expression pained, “I—I just simply can’t be in—no, it’s not good, this is too early, too quick— it can’t be happening!”

 “Marinette, breathe!” Tikki interrupted her ramblings. 

Marinette did so, and tried her best to calm herself down. The tiny fish swam around her, entangling herself in the mermaid’s long hair.

 “Say, what are you in denial of, Marinette?” Tikki asked calmly.

“I—I can’t be in love with Chat, Tikki. I just can’t,” Marinette replied, her voice quavering.

 “Why? Is it impossible?”

“...No.”

 “Is loving him a crime?”

“...No.”

 “Then?”

 “It’s—” the mermaid searched for reasons, the reasons that had freaked her out a few moments ago. Somehow, on hearing Tikki’s questions, all of those baseless doubts had just...vaporised. Getting her bearings back, Marinette whispered, “It’s...too quick. Too soon, ‘Cause the relationship me and Chat have is deeper than friendship, and there can be only one explanation that —”

 Tikki giggled lightly, causing Marinette to blush. “Just that? Oh dear Mari, just because you have a cordial relationship with someone that’s deeper than friendship, that doesn’t mean that it’s love. You could still be in between, you can still give it time, a chance. Who knows, maybe it is the forever you have been waiting for?”

 The mermaid’s breath hitched a bit at her friend’s words. Tikki was...right. 

 The feelings she had for Chat, she could not define them as ‘love’. But it sure was something. A tiny, warm, budding feeling that grew a bit every time she saw the mischievous sparkle of his eyes, the teasing smirk of his, the excited tone of his voice.

 It was something small and yet something that she treasured a lot. A feeling that was pure, exhilarating and, and —

— miraculous .

 A miraculous feeling that sure was worth being given a chance. A chance that it deserved and would definitely get.

[changbin-froggy-jimin]

This is so long @frillyfairyprincess but I hope you like my ramblings

Moonlight:

Ok so moonlight opens the album and it’s got a really nice sound, the lyrics are so tough to get through though and especially this bit which hit a bit hard

I think we as listenerns, and especially as fans, especially as army, sometimes forget that there are people who are listening to what we’re saying but even more than that really have to hear it if that makes sense

If someone were to look at you and say “what you have created will last a lifetime” at first it’s nice right? Who doesn’t want to hear they’ll make it through the history books, but then the self doubt slips in ‘are you good enough for that, you can barely finish (in yoongi’s case a song) whatever your working on? Is this what you want representing you?’ I think things like that slip into being something kind of really scary and upsetting words like ‘legend’ are sweet and show our support but bts, are still human, with real feelings which I feel like a lot of people forget

there’s no one else doing it like they are, there’s no one to look up to, and especially no one even close to what they’re doing, they’re alone, they can’t really make new friends because: do they like you for you, or for your money, what human connections do they have besides each other that feel genuine? Probably not many, imagine going outside to be mobbed, I even saw this clip of some girl running up and kissing yoongi and probably scarring him like, this isn’t a cute life to live, it’s not fun, they like preforming but I think there’s obvious claims throughout the whole album of wishing with some part of him to give it all back

When people make arguments about how people who are successful ‘don’t have real problems’ and should ‘go cry in their piles of money’ I kind of lose it, I don’t know where all that empathy you claimed to have went to, but you should really shut your mouth until you have to wonder wether the person eyeing you in the store window is planning on chasing you down the street and potentially hurt you because of the things you make with your own hands, not to mention most of the kpop industry hates them, but that’s another point for another lyric

What Do You Think:

I’m kinda losing it over this because while I am 1. Not korean 2. Do not live in South Korea 3. Or obviously, do not know intricately the culture that comes with the music industry there

I have heard things, that because bts is with a smaller company, they were treated pretty bad on things like variety shows (and probably at some music shows but that I’m not sure about) because in Korea there are these three companies that were pretty unchallenged before bts came along, and the thing is some of that wariness is fair, being with a smaller label is I’ve been told, a real gamble on your chances of being mistreated, so a lot of people don’t want to support smaller companies when they know artists are safe with the bigger ones, and I’ve seen a group who was actually horribly mistreated who I actually listened to (TRCNG I think?) They were treated horribly by their label and so I don’t think people want to support that kind of thing

The issue is you’re also putting away groups like BTS, Monsta X, ATEEZ, MCND, Oneus, and more, of some of my favorite groups, and I think being not only snubbed for having a smaller label like Big Hit in Korea, but also being treated kinda badly in America by always being treated like kids or people who don’t do enough research about them and their music (which happens to every artist, but from the individual bts standpoint I still think it matters) it kinda gets under your skin in a bad way

Now, again, this is all stuff I’ve heard, it could be wrong but it is something I’ve heard from a couple of people and seems to be fairly accurate

Strange:

Now this one I’m exicited to talk about

So as a Twenty One Pilots fan first, and person second (seriously they’re my favorite band of all time) this line made me really happy

It reminded me of the song lane boy, it’s a song that deals with the expectations of the music industry for songs on the radio that play to sound a certain way

This line more or less is saying “sure we would make music the way you wanted, but if you were to die tomorrow, would we have been happy with what we created?” which I think is fairly hardcore, it’s also funnily enough the album Tyler (lead singer and writer) cursed the industry on is the one that got Him on the charts with 4 songs on the radio, one of them even had lyrics about never ending up on the radio it was great

Back to bts, obviously there’s a bit of a difference in the way things are done in America vs Korea, but think one could argue its more or less the same if you take out the training aspect, an artist comes and picks up a song, and is told how to dance, what their brand is, how to act in interviews, and bts still spits in people’s faces over stuff like that, which is why I think that they specifically have as big of a following as they do, because of the genuine way they present themselves

I think some of their music can be formulaic funnily enough, it’s honestly the reasons I sometimes have a hard time calling myself a fan, because there are those soft, what to me feel heartless in general, songs about how they’re so in love, soft flower pink kinda songs, here’s the thing though, even though I really dislike this kinda stuff, I can’t help but sit there and know they actually mean it unlike almost everybody else because they try hard, they genuinely mean it because they care for their fans, like, it’s fake in the fact that the lyrics mean nothing in their lives and I hate that kinda stuff, but they genuinely put effort into crafting lyrics that make people feel better and put at ease, and if it works for other people that’s fine I guess

But because we know their struggles, because we know how they feel, we know that when they say it’s going to be ok they mean it and all that mushy stuff bleh, I just prefer a different kind of song, but even their not super mushy stuff is super lyrically interesting and neat, I don’t really tend to strongly follow people who’s lyrics mean nothing to me, there are some artists I like because their music sounds good (EX: The Weeknd, ATEEZ...) but it’s always a passing interest because in the long run I don’t want to say it feels a bit hollow but yeah it kinda does

Bts has always felt genuine because I can look at them and tell they’ve been down a rough path, and because of that it comes out in who they are and what they sing/rap about so they’ve always seemed less formulaic than everybody else, even I still think bts feels like they have to put one of them songs on their albums, it still usually has cool sounds while still being super cool, like fake love for instance

I feel like I lost my point in there somewhere... sorry about that, anyways next song

Honsool:

Ok so, while above I said it’s stupid to dislike smaller label companies but sometimes Big Hit really concerns me DO NOT GET ME WRONG I think all label have this issues and it both really scares me and makes me angry because weight is such a problem not only in the music industry, or the actor industry, but in Korea, I know that’s rich coming from somebody who doesn’t live there, but at the same time it affects so many people who I’m scared for, not even just famous people but the kids and it makes me so sad

The issue with the bts label, is the specific fact that because bts doesn’t need to censor themselves to make Big Hit happy they talk about the issues that bother them with the company themselves and fans alike and aren’t afraid to say something, I still remember the Monsta X interview where IM said “let us go on vacation starship” with what kind of seemed like the hope that the fan base could bully the company into giving them time off (I honestly think MX is worked into the ground tbh)

The issue is we know know Jimin had/has an eating disorder and I think a lot of people think it came from fans/fan pressure but imma be honest with you I think a lot of the pressure came from the company

This is from rookie kind episode 4

It was filmed when bts were still basically babies in their first year im fairly sure, even before American hustle if I remember correctly, the thing is, before blood sweat tears era, every single one of them called each other various names and talked about weight all the time, and knowing what it did to Jimin it was always rough to watch, but to be honest I think it really affected all of them, seeing people say things to members constantly about what they’re eating (Ex: people telling JK not to eat food at night) it’s so upsetting?

The thing is, while watching summer packages/bon voyage Yoongi is almost always on some kind of diet, and it’s really kind of scary in a sense, and while I realize, that some of this could be metaphor, or even represent a different time in his life, because Yoongi does say he writes down the way he’s feeling and uses them sometimes years later, I think it’s really kind of telling that they were all kind of bullied into this ‘extremely skinny or nothing’ kind of mindset that’s so dangerous I really really am worried for all of them, I mean he did recently say that he stopped drinking and obviously this is what that song is about so there could have been any amount of time between then and now, even if I don’t think it’s a lot, sometimes I am really scared for them and what they do to their bodies

Dear My Friend:

I know I’ve been talking for far to long now, but this is just so bittersweet and sorrowful I just kinda love it a lot

[destiny-smasher]

I used to be close friends with one of the composers for Steven Universe. I watched them rise from a YouTube remixer living in a cramped bedroom in a shared apartment with nothing but a mattress on the floor and a keyboard beside it to owning a house, happily married with a whole backyard garden and a cat because they found success working on one of the biggest cartoon shows I’ve known. But they broke off that friendship earlier this year and it’s made my biased love for Steven Universe become very difficult to grasp with. Understanding how and why we weren’t friends anymore was likewise difficult to grasp, even after hours of us trying to hash things out and resolve it. And while we DID resolve things amicably (I hope) and peacefully, it wasn’t until Steven Universe: The Movie that I was really able to feel like I could see the forest from the trees and ‘get’ what happened. This will be a kind of review of the movie, but mostly it became more of a personal ramble relating my real life experiences with Aivi to those of characters within SU, especially the antagonist of the Movie. This is lifted from this Twitter thread, so it was originally written stream of consciousness and I’m sharing it here to keep it more readable and archived. This is a bit of a read so tucking it behind a ‘read more.’

--

"You keep on turning pages for people who don't care about you And still it takes you ages to see that no one's there Everyone's gone on without you"

Time to finally talk about the #StevenUniverse Movie. Strap in 'cause this gon' get personal.

It should go without saying BUT I am gonna be talking about the movie! Dunno how in detail per se but I can't properly say what I wanna say without diving into some of the important plotty stuff. So yea.

Don't read this thread if ya don't want #spoilers #sumovie 

First off, I wanna talk about what this movie does well. Going in, I had heard it was framed like a musical. And I wasn't sure how I felt about that idea, though it wasn't surprising. After all, the 'musical' style episodes tend to resonate quite a lot. 

I think they work great when it's one song in a 10 minute episode, but an hour and a half of songs? I wasn't sure how well that would go. Turns out, pretty well. This is due to many factors but primarily the variety of song styles and art styles used throughout. Basically every scene has a primary song that drives it home, and basically all of them have a different genre/tone as well as visual presentation style. A lot of work went into getting it all to work together and feel cohesive. TBH for me personally the main highlight of the movie was honestly the animation. Average TV goers might just see "yup sure looks like a cartoon" but on the whole, on average, the movie is CLEARLY animated and framed with much more dynamism and detail than the majority of SU. Getting to see these characters we've gotten to know over the past few years a couple years in the future, generally at peace with things, but animated with more detail than ever, THAT is the true highlight of the film for me. Naturally, there was a lot of bits of comedy, often relying on knowledge of what the characters have been through, and I felt a lot of bittersweet smiles throughout as this felt like a good send off for Steven and his Space Moms. It managed to work in cameos from basically everyone you'd expect, some of which...didn't work out as well as others (specifically, the Diamonds bookending the movie was a bit forced and weird IMO but they ARE important to the lore even if I find them boring tbh) It was nice getting to 'catch up' with everyone, and the plot itself uses a generic 'gotta save the world again' thing (bleh) in a creative way, at least -- it all becomes an excuse to "re-live" the four primary heroes' stories through song. Cool enough. Something the movie inadvertently highlights, however, is the fact that SU as a series really started spinning its wheels a lot for its second half, in particular. Much has been said about how and why and why or not this doesn't matter, etc. etc. I was just along for the ride. I've repeatedly expressed my personal bias in the series' favor for a long time, and now? I kinda don't really have that personal bias anymore. I still love the show, I still think it's one of the best cartoons I've ever seen. But those rose-tinted glasses are off now. Taking said glasses off and actually listening to and looking up what critics of the show had to say kind of unearthed a bunch of things I had kept sweeping under the rug for the sake of personal bias/support of someone I loved and cared for a lot. We'll get back to that. I say all of this because the movie ironically failed to do much of anything NEW, something the series itself kind of struggled with for a while until it finally got around to the conclusion of Steven's story arc. The film ultimately kind of ends with "yeah Steven can change!" Which, um yea? Obviously. He's a completely different person than he was in S1. But he's kiiiiinda been the same person for....some while now. The weird irony of SU as a series is that about halfway through the narrative, the protag has essentially grown up, done. The last half or third or so of SU's narrative was basically Steven having to cheer everyone around him up and help them deal with their shit, and...kinda just going about that essentially the same way every time. The power of love, the friends we made along the way, etc. To be clear, there's nothing BAD about this, and in fact it's what sets Steven apart from most every other narrative of this type. The protag is almost always forced to change in ways they don't want, do things they don't want to do, etc. But when you put it side by side with something like Avatar or Gravity Falls, those series saw everyone growing alongside each other. There are clear arcs for everyone, almost all of which get resolved in ways fitting each character. It's imperfect but it's varied. SU has a tendency to just...hammer everyone's character flaws and arcs with ONE option: just love yourself and be nice, and everyyyyyyythinggggg 'll work out in the end! Which is fine, but when a story does it for so long, over and over, always the same, it gets a bit weird. I specifically LIKED in the film, at the end, that Steven actually does have to fight, because THAT is what Spinel needed to do. She needed to let out all of that anger, and that violence was her own way of doing it. 'you can't just sing a song to make everything go away' etc. It's typical, perhaps, for protagonists to have to tackle problems in different ways because that's LIFE. The fact is, Steven's approach will NOT save everyone. Lapis stilllll kinda stands as an example of this but an as of yet unresolved one. I liked that at the end of things, Spinel still doesn't come into the same fold as everyone else. Basically "sorry, I already fucked this up too much, I can't really deal with this," and that is IMPORTANT and I really liked it. Before really digging into the personal angle, I want to bring up how fascinating it is that the movie essentially had a real BUDGET and so they deliberately seemed to design an antagonist that would take full advantage of that animation budget. EASILY, by far, Spinel is the most interesting-to-watch antag in the whole series imo, in terms of how she moves and fights, etc. They really just wanted to flex and they did it, but like any SU antag there's (somewhat predictable) motives. This gets back at what I was saying before -- how the series spins its wheels a lot -- but Spinel's motivation/back story isssss kiiiinnndaaaa a lot like many many characters' issues and, like, I get it. We get it. Steven's Mom was Not The Best does that have to be the basis behind kinda EVERYONE who goes against Steven? Or the Gems? Lapis, Bismuth, and Peridot all offered more varied motivations, and even THEN, Bismuth was still essentially in the same boat? Anyway, I digress. I DO appreciate the way the series set up Rose as this wondrous lovely lady and has severely dissected and broken that down to the point where I really do not like Rose, in any of her ID's, as a character or a fictional person, and it did so gradually. A lot of what the movie did was kind of expected. Right? Songs, singing, check. Steven going about things the same way, check. Re-living/celebrating how far he and his moms have come, check. What I didn't expect was -- OK, well, there WAS that one fusion...which, um

But the actual thing that really latched onto me was how much I conncted with Spinel. As is the case with any story that has well presented characters, you can attach to SOME part of just about all of them. I associate most closely with Pearl overall but can relate with just about anyone prominent. I see parts of me and Jenny in Steven/Connie, in Ruby/Sapphire, in Peridot/Lapis. I see what kind of woman I might've become in Amethyst (and sometimes am). Spinel, though, is a really weird case because I see my adolescent self in her SO MUCH and yet fairly recent events in my life -- directly tied TO the show itself, mind you -- make that connection weirdly poignant and present. For some context, I used to be good friends with Aivi, one of the musicians who works on the series with their husband. Spring 2018, Aivi and I vocalized to each other that we considered one another one of the closest friends in each other's lives. We're no longer friends. To make sure this is clear, I think Aivi is a wonderful person, and our breaking apart wasn't violent or dramatic or anything, Aivi just...decided they weren't interested in the relationship anymore. And neglected to tell me this until like a year later. The context is of course not at ALL as severe or dramatic as Spinel/Pink, so please don't assume there's some one-to-one there. But OOF are there some harsh similarities and it really made Spinel's backstory sting in a very confusing way. I say 'confusing' because, as I mentioned, I see my adolescent self in Spinel. The way I was going about making friends matches her 'happy' self. The way I acted in my senior year of college matches her 'angry' self. There was no single person that created any of that, though. In high school, I was like Starfire, in college, I tried to nurture that, play to my strengths. I failed miserably. And what I feel is a big part of why is inherently tied to my transitioning (which is, still, something I feel I am failing miserably at). By the end of college I was more like Raven, and there I remained through the duration of my first long-term romance, into a very weird and atypical marriage and breakup, and then I moved to CA and started changing. Fittingly, my current self can't quite ID with any single Teen Titan. I'm not a teen anymore, after all. Throughout a lot of my friendship with Aivi, they really seemed to fixate on comparing me to Pearl. It sometimes made me uncomfortable the particular ways they did, though. I strongly identified with Pearl's flaws and strengths in personality (though we're obviously different people), and so seeing Pearl go through redemption via self-love and self-acceptance meant a lot to me. "It's Over, Isn't It?" I was IN THE ROOM listening to Aivi and their husband work on the chorus to that song. Obviously they couldn't talk about it but I knew damn well what it was about, and anticipated that piece for a long time. Now it's even more weirdly painful. I met Aivi because they made Mario arrangements they put on YouTube and they happened to live a few blocks away when I was subletting my first summer in CA. They seemed very kind and caring and eager to Be Nice and at the time I really needed that at a very vulnerable and fragile time in my life so I latched onto that. -In The Garden- The week when the LiS terfs freaked out on me and that Bad Spinel side of me lashed back, and I found myself suffering from being gaslit and facing the fact that the worst part of myself that Trigon in Raven's mind that Angry Spinel was still THERE was still ME It was too much For the first (and thankfully, only) time in my life, I experienced suicidal thoughts. And Aivi REACTED to that shit. Strongly. In a way no one ever had for me before, ever. They drove across the Bay to my house, picked me up, had me over, and helped me process it. And in the months to come, as I was healing and coming to terms with how That Worst Part of Me That I Wanted to BE RID OF was still THERE and apparently could just fucking show up, through all of that, Aivi helped me work through things, and we really bonded. In retrospect, though, it's SO damned hard for me to tell if Aivi and I became so close because of mutual respect or pity or just conditioned behavior to Be Nice and Keep Up Appearances. I dunno. What I know NOW is that apparently Cost More than I would've thought. I'm not Aivi so I don't want to really dig into 'dirt' (again, Aivi is a great person who works very hard and that's WHY their work is so good) but looking back, it's wild to see their progression into SUCCESS and fame while I just stood by, floundering The thing is, Aivi was a super busy person. We barely got to spend time together -- when we DID, it was a multi-hour affair and apart from like, Jenny, Aivi is prolly the person I've had the deepest, most vulnerable conversations with. They were next to me when I realized 'oh huh I'm maybe trans??' because they were there when I was at one of the lowest points in my life. I never ASKED them to be there, to Be So Nice and as it turns out, Being So Nice is harder than it looks. So to kind of loop this back to the movie, I wasn't some Skullgirls Peacock Cuphead grinny goof or anything like that but I AM WILLING to bet that from Aivi's POV the way Happy Spinel acts toward Steven is prolly how I felt in Aivi's life at points, at the least. The irony is that we would go weeks, months, barely interacting. But looking back, the way Aivi talked about things, the same phrase keeps dominating my mind: Aivi got bored of me. I wasn't 'useful' to them anymore. Aivi said that day in spring 2018 was like 'the climax' of our friendship, or something like that. Way they talked about it was like...the finale of a season of TV. Our character arc together was over. Even though we TALKED about it, came to mutual understandimng of The Logic behind Aivi's decision to cut ties, I don't think it ever REALLY made sense to me, how Aivi must've felt about our friendship, until Spinel. By spring of 2019, my role in Aivi's life -- from what they have told me, from what I can perceive -- was more like I existed in a separate space from the rest of their life. I was that one interesting person always waiting in The Garden for them to visit when they felt like it Because while Aivi had gotten BIG, gotten MARRIED, gotten a HOUSE, found legitimate SUCCESS in their creative field I was still poor still stuck in retail still unable to find an audience still unable to understand the pressures of Success And OOOOFFF in those last couple years, interacting became more and more strained for both of us, from opposite ends of things. Aivi had responsibilities, PEOPLE vying for their attention, people wanting to hire them, projects to complete, a house, a spouse, etc etc My life was (and kiiiinda still is?) nothing like that, and as our Mutual Creatives Struggling to MAKE THINGS and Get By transforming into Yep I Am Still Here but you are SUCCESSFUL I think that really put a lot of strain on things I never accepted until Spinel. After Aivi hit it big with SU, in particular, they gradually started...acting differently. Acting in ways that made less and less sense to me. They were a Diamond now. And I was still just what I was. When drawing comparisons to characters on the show, Aivi persistently compared me to Pearl. A fact I once took pride in. They repeatedly compared themself to Garnet. Which...always kind of didn't make sense to me. Aivi wasn't really like Garnet. They are more NOW, though? In the sense of how they act, I suppose. Specifically, one of the last things Aivi said to me was that trying to be friends with me had started feeling like Pearl trying to force Garnet to fuse with her. This was problematic because from my POV nothing of the sort was happening. All I was looking for was occasionally hanging out a few times a year. Like. Ya know. Actually a lot less than what I was looking for with basically all of my other friends. And that was still Too Much? But when I start looking at things like Pink Diamond and Spinel instead of Pearl and Garnet, somehow things make a lot more sense. I was probably too clingy, too exciteable, and what amusement or relief I could provide eventually stopped being useful. Aivi eventually didn't even want to spend time with friends to just...spend time with them. Everything had to have some kind of practical Purpose to it, it had to be contributing to a Goal. I still don't get that, tbh. But I'm also not A Diamond. I'm not Successful. The most responsibility I have right now is fucking hanging up the laundry to dry. I have college loans that have and continue to feel pointless to try and repay. I have severe dental problems I haven't been able to fix. My body fell out of shape because of retail hell, and what energy I’ve had to spare from that always ends up going into the people I love, and trying to keep Making Things. Let's not forget The Complications of coming out and wanting to transition but not possessing the resources to do so. (Aivi was actually super supportive of this btw and was the first person to make me feel comfortable wearing feminine things so yea) Anyway, the point I'm trying to make is that MY LIFE is not together. My personality is? I feel like I am finally Myself in terms of mental/emotional stability. And that is largely because Jenny helped me get there. But Aivi helped a lot with that, too. But I think Aivi got to a point where Success was more of a measure of how Grown Up and Healthy one was because despite my behavior, my personality, my mood, what I was asking for, and what I was giving, all changing DRASTICALLY after being with Jenny, I think Aivi still...looked at me the way Pink Diamond looked at Spinel during that song. Like, "yeeeaaaa ok kiddo it's time for me to go now, kinda done here" This is what's so confusing about all of this metaphor/etc. I'm not...like Spinel anymore? My current, post-coming-out self doesn't really relate with Happy OR Angry Spinel. It's almost like Aivi couldn't see me for who I became, and could only see me for who I had been. And maybe that's like why Spinel can't be friends with Steven at the end. It's too painful. I used to take pride in being associated with Pearl because "I'm enough" and "being strong in the REAL way" but now it's more like "oh you just think I'm still hung up and needy and clingy?" which uh don't feel so great a comparison. I can't help but wonder if while working on the movie, Aivi saw some of themself in Pink. Because I'm not the only person who apparently wasn't 'useful' to them anymore. And I'm not saying we should've kept forcing something that wasn't working. Not at all. What we had was good for both us, but it also entailed a lot of patience on my part and effort on theirs. And unlike any of my other long term friends, I often ended up waiting weeks, months, "Happily wondering night after night, Is this how it works? Am I doing it right?"

Years and years of broken friendships, one after the other, most lasting merely 6 months, MAYBE a year at most, with a handful that have lasted since middle school (but which are so much harder to maintain) took a toll on my Adult Self until Jenny, anyway. For quite a long time - the majority of my life, currently - I assumed I just was Too Different and that was why my friendships didn't seem to last, didn't seem to extend to the depths I was looking for. That's perhaps one critical difference between Spinel and I: she's looking for FUN, for smiling faces, for attention, for creating smiles, I just want some fucking consistency. At this point, I'm not even sure WHY I still reach out to people. I don't NEED friendships in that desperate way I used to, back in the Happy/Angry Spinel times. And I've come to terms with that Other Max part of myself and integrated it, accepted it. My worst parts are still me and instead of suppressing them (often by relying on bids of deep friendship with others) I just have to let them EXIST and let them do their thing once in a while. This is ALL why Celeste hit me as hard as it did. Because even if I'm not actually much like Spinel anymore, and Aivi's not really like Pink Diamond, even if I don't actually share much in common with Madeline (other than the subtle 'I drink sometimes to deal with my problems' thing, which I don't anymore) I still comprehend and resonate so much with that concept of just needing to accept the worst parts of yourself and work with them rather than trying to keep them caged up and then they escape and rampage every 5-10 years or so and ruin your life As I felt myself coming to all of these Good Feelings I FINALLY felt like I could help Aivi in the ways they had helped me. That I finally had something to offer I didn't before. Turns out, I didn't, apparently. Aivi had More Important Things to do than visit me in The Garden. And I couldn't blame them. Not a bit. Especially if they had gotten bored of visiting me. I didn't like feeling like a burden on them, either. Can't really argue with that. During the last time we talked, Aivi didn't use the WORDS, didn't literally say them, but I finally could see it: I wasn't Useful anymore. I couldn't Understand, either, because I wasn't Successful. Our friendship was rewarding, but because it required effort. And that effort was still worth it to me, but no longer to them. I was no longer worth it. And despite that, despite starting to feel those hunches, I spent those final months -- as had been the case before, they were afraid to hurt me so avoided actually confronting the problem -- I remained "Happy to listen, Happy to stay Happily watching her drift away" I have no idea if any aspect of our friendship impacted anything Aivi had worked on creatively. TBH Aivi seemed to approach even relationships themselves with more of a logical, pragmatic style -- it was entirely unique compared to anyone I had ever connected with. But if you've read @lis-allwounds then it might not surprise you to know that a lot of what I expressed through Stella and Max, as well as Other Max and Another Stella, channels a lot of these things. I even quoted Aivi directly in the story's end (perhaps foolishly optimistic) And yes, that epilogue moment of sorts is gonna be entirely different if I ever do finish the visual novel. The fact is that we were ALWAYS very different people and our friendship was weird and complicated and hard for one or both of us throughout its, what, 8 year duration? Ironically, I think I took away the opposite 'Character Arc Lesson' they did from all this. But that's just the thing, nothing is permanent for a Human Being. We aren't Gems, we don't actually fuse, we can't just change our appearances when we feel like it, or project ourselves to look how we want to look, or exist for thousands of years. But we DO all have different needs, different ways of understanding those needs, and different ways of needing to adjust or change ourselves or our environments in order to pursue what we want to pursue with the limited time we have here. We tried, hard, and it lasted long enough. If I'm not useful, I'm not useful, I guess? I don't have any ill will toward Aivi, I loved them as a friend and I know they loved me, too, and were better at showing it than most any friends I ever have had. If I'd been better at reciprocating in ways that were actually useful, that would've been good -- but then maybe we wouldn't have become friends in the first place if I hadn't needed 'saving' in the first place, I don't fuckin' know. And I hope my saying all of these things doesn't make anyone think any less of Aivi because your relationship with them is, very likely, not at all personal like mine is. And you know as well as I do how good they are at what they do. Aivi took the time to ease me out of things. Aivi did NOT suddenly up and vanish for thousands of years. While the dynamics of the situation might bare sharp points of similarity, Aivi is not like Pink Diamond and I'm not like Spinel -- not in the present, anyway. Stories help us because they share THREADS with reality but it's always important to recognize those threads for what they are and not confuse them for ropes. And me ranting and tossing all of this out there is something part of me has wanted to do for months but needed to take the time to grieve and process and accept. And maybe it's selfish to be posting all of this, I don't know. But it helps me accept myself and them a lot more. "Finally something finally news about how the story ends" Aivi likely has brand new friends, better ones than me, and I'm willing to bet some of them worked on this movie. And it turned out pretty good, all things considered, probably in part because Aivi was able to focus on it That person I became friends with, she doesn't exist anymore. Just like how who I used to be when Aivi first me, he doesn't exist anymore, either. We both changed, and grew in opposite directions, I guess. We've found happiness and growth and relief in different ways. In the end the Movie helped me come to terms with all of this in a way Angry Spinel younger me couldn't have still hurts yo

"Isn't that lovely?

Isn't that cool?

Isn't that cruel?

And aren't I a fool

to have happily listened,

happy to stay,

happily watching her drift away"

[corpsetalker]

I think I just need to vent for a little while.

So my mom and I have lived in the same house all my life. I’m 25, almost 26 even. She was there before I was born even. And because it was just the two of us and she has worked 12 hour night shifts three, four, six days a week sometimes for my entire life, the house kind of fell into disrepair over the years. We couldn’t afford to get much fixed, plus both of us having anxiety and depression and not wanting strangers in our shitty house. Things just kind of kept getting worse. But eventually, recently my mom started working really hard to get her credit score up high enough to be able to get a loan for a new house which was super awesome.

December 2018 I came to Australia to live with my boyfriend and his family. I helped them move out of their old house, then we took a month-long trip to Japan, then came back and bought and moved into a new house. I started studying here got a student visa and everything. Unrelated but the point is, I’m kind of stuck permanently out of the US at the moment.

So my mom finally FINALLY finds a house and gets the loan and everything is set and ready and I’m so proud of her. Someone actually bought our shitty run-down old house. Good news right? So I wake up yesterday with a message from my mom saying that literally everything in our old house is gone. Not just the furniture and shit, literally everything.

So the buyer and my mom had a verbal agreement that she would be working 6 nights in a row and then starting on friday she would take 6 days off work so she could move our stuff out. Apparently, there was a “misunderstanding” and the buyer had his cleaning people come in early and take out literally everything in the house. Clothes, pictures, my moms multiple FULL piggy banks, there was one specifically that was big that she put gold dollar coins in. my computer, my guitar. 25+ years worth of 2 people's physical possessions. All just gone. Who knows where, kind of gone. Nothing anyone can do, gone.

She even went to the police but they said because the buyer claimed it was a misunderstanding theres nothing they can do. She called me crying about how she was a fool for trusting someone. It broke my heart. and I’m stuck in another country, theres nothing I can do. even if i didnt have school the tickets for flights between the us and australia are thousands of dollars.

It’s almost not even real to me to be honest, in a weird way. I’ve just felt so numb the last few days. I’m mentally stuck in this limbo of not being able to cry and being a fountain lol. It’s either completely on or completely off so i’ve defaulted to just holding it in because everyone here is terribly sick at the moment with giardia including my boyfriend and his two 10 and 11 year old siblings so I’ve kind of needed to be a rock. It all just. sucks. and I’m emotionally just. bleh. so sorry if im short with you ooc or dont even respond or whatever. i can’t say much for my reply speed because i try to do things to take my mind off of it and writing helps but i can’t just do that constantly. i dunno. its hard.

and its made so much worse because my boyfriend is 100% always my rock emotionally and physically and he feels guilty for being so sick when all this has happened. i dont blame him for being sick he cant help it but its hard. its just hard. and im. tired.

a new start i guess. thats what my mama and i have said. a reeaal new start but a new start. positive i guess. kind of? i dunno. its hard lol. everything i’ve ever had is gone and thats. wild to think about. sldkgs. rambling. ok im done. sorry lol.