#southparkfanfiction

[lozislaw]

A not so new SOT creek one-shot of mine, ‘The Study of Sedatives in Invasive Species’, is out on Ao3, originally a part of my one-shot library but it’s still my favourite so it needs it’s own spotlight.

Synopsis:

“Because you’re here to mess with me, like always. Can’t a guy surrounded by birds and moss and unconcerned about the rest of the moronic kingdom live in peace? Fuck!”

Tweek has never understood why the rest of the kingdom has such a problem with his way of life. He’s not barbaric. This dizzyingly frustrating thief is the one who brings out his most feral counter-measures when he smirks, like he knows what filthy things cross his mind alone out here.

Which is why he thinks the thick ropes binding him were absolutely called for.

This art is so so misleading, there isn’t a fluffy moment in the story. But I can dream.

[empressofthesunwriter]

The Magician's Quest Index

SoT AU: Her homeland invaded, her parents died, and all Magic was outlawed. Dark Magician N.K. is on the run from the Inquisition, who wants nothing more than to burn her at a stake. She finds herself in Zaron, the Human Kingdom, not knowing that she stepped into a war for the most powerful relict of them all. A legend, which is reality. The Stick of Truth.

Prologue

Chapter 1

[phonky-toxic-chemical]

Here is a clear image for my Wattpad book

Please understand that I really worked hard on this-

[king-douchebag01]

"Okay, I can wait as long as you need. Besides, secret relationships, sneaking out on a dates, sneaking into each other room, sneaking in kisses," Stan quickly glanced around their surroundings, before he grabbed Kyle's shirt to pull him for a quick kiss. "Is kind of fun."

-------------------

Quote from Only in South Park - Five Days of Style Kisses (on Wattpad)

-----------------

 https://www.wattpad.com/1132741676-only-in-south-park-five-days-of-style-kisses?utm_source=web&utm_medium=tumblr&utm_content=share_reading&wp_uname=helphelphelphelp55&wp_originator=1LIl%2FXsr%2FCmDiEoe0Ywi9B%2FPxQbuMw7zL21Y91Umpn1EhqmhIyTsWzJyVcgBfg54JhpwSgFdkEzF%2BLgNW7ZItSOydgnpUDadTUBlaYTZ21K93%2F9zLJgpULDdQpVSNTgu A series of oneshots following the south park boys as they go on adventures that could only happen in a quiet mountain town like South Park. [Requests open] [Artwork not mine]

[casthenerd]

South Park: Stick of Truth X Reader Oneshots ([{REQUESTS OPEN}]) (on Wattpad) https://my.w.tt/UiNb/zDA4nSqiYI This is my first book of oneshots so if I do a noob thing don't be salty.

[julie-hannah01]

Possible SouthPark FanFic?

soooo.....i want to write a crazy south park fanfic and i want peoples opinions before i actually start writing. This is what i have so far......be honest and let me know if i should continue or not.

Chapter one: And so, it begins.

The four boys had been friends for as long as they could remember. It was always the four of them, not even relationship drama could keep them apart…. or so they thought.

They were in 4th grade when they were good friends. They did everything together. It wasn’t until this past year that they had some drama in their group. Usually they would argue, but nothing kept them apart from one another, not like this anyway….

 It was the beginning of the school year in the little town of south park. There was a light dusting of snow on the ground and the sun had just started to rise. Each high schooler was waking up and getting ready to conquer the boring, long day they had ahead of them. There is one class specifically that never has a dull moment, they were once the reckless 5th grade class, but this year they were the juvenile seniors.

 Stan POV: *beep of alarm*

ughhh. Here we go again. Another year of this same old shit. School is kind over rated. The only reason I go is because I have to get good grades for football…. well that and Kyle practically forces me to do my homework with him. What kind of super best friend would he be if he didn’t push me to make decent grades? He makes school so much easier, I don’t know what I’m going to do at college without him….

 Kyle POV:   *beep of alarm* *Stretches and yawns*

Here we go again….at least this will be the last year I have to put up with fat ass and his antics. All I need to do is keep getting high grades and do well this year and then I can finally get out of this shit hole and go to an amazing college. It won’t be that hard….right?

 Cartman POV: “Eric sweetie, you have to get up and get ready for school. I have a nice breakfast waiting for you downstairs”

“ok mom, I get it. Jeeze”

*yawn* ugh. I hate school. There isn’t any point. It’s lame and it’s a joke. Oh, well. At least I get to take out my anger by picking on Jew boy, and maybe Kenny cause he’s poor. This school year is going to be alright...

Wendy POV: *beep of alarm*

-one new message- I wonder who it’s from…...             >From: Stan< - Good morning beautiful. I hope you slept well. I can’t wait to see you at school today. <3 –

“Awe, stan is so thoughtful.”

I wasn’t looking forward to today at all, but now I’m almost excited. I usually do well in school, but now that this is my last year I don’t really know what I want to do. I know I want to go to a good school and get some sort of degree, but I’ve done so much for this school. I was involved in all the behind the scenes stuff. It’s almost going to be hard to leave…… but I’m so ready to get out of this shitty place…

 Butter POV: “Butters! You better wake up and start getting ready for school or you will be grounded!”

*sigh* “yes sir”

I’m so tired of my parents always grounding me. I’m a senior for crying out loud! I’ll be living on my own here pretty soon and enjoying life without getting grounded! At least my dad hasn’t found out about Kenny. Oh hamburgers! I’m supposed to pick him up this morning! Well I sure as heck ain’t gonna be late. I better hurry up if I’m gonna get him in time!

 Kenny POV: I just looovee waking up to the sound of my parents fighting. *sigh* I go to wake Karen up (as if she isn’t already awake, but it’s kind of our routine) “Hey.” I say with a half-smile on my face

“Hey. Mom and dad wake you up too?”

“Yeah. I’m getting tired of it. I can’t wait till we can finally get out of here…” I got a job over the summer with Jimbo and have been saving every penny to get a place. Karen doesn’t know this yet, but I’m planning on moving her in too, so she can get out of that shit of a place we call home. She deserves better….

 Clyde POV: *beep of alarm*

Well, here goes another year of school. Luckily this is the last one (till college but that’s going to be a breeze) I cant take anymore of this shit. I wonder what type of drama this year will bring to the table. Our class never fails to do crazy things….. at least one good thing came out of this dumb school, my best friend Craig and my beautiful girlfriend Bebe. I would fall apart without them.

 Bebe POV: *beep of alarm*……………..

[gayboyizme]

Creek One-shots (18+) (on Wattpad) https://my.w.tt/fJGJom7v2R this book has a LOT OF SMUT!!! beware!!

[seikatsu-aria]

Style and kiss

It was a sunny day on South Park Colorado .

There was a green hat boy with red Locks and a pair of freckles on his Face ...

He's making his homework .

The black haired boy names Stan watching him from the Side of his bed.

Stan sigh:" Hey dude, can i write you solution on my worksheet ?"

Kyle look a little angry at stan .

Kyle:"stan... you can't copy all my stuff everytime...

Stan leans against Kyle and look at his..

wonderful emerald green eyes

Kyle blush really hard... and get close to stan ...

Stan take his cheek and kiss him .

Both close there eyes and enjoy the kiss

Stan break off the kiss first and caress kyle's cheek.

Stan:" I Love you kyle."

Kyle:"I Love you too stan."

Both are smiling and then it happend stan feels a little sick and then he puke on the floor...

Kyle a little worried :" STAN....ARE YOU OK???

Stan say:" I am ok kyle don't worry ..can I Copy you worksheet now ?

Kyle look at him and sigh.

Kyle: yes....*blush and smile*

THE END

[lozislaw]

First Lines of 2024

My first writings of 2024. Thanks so much for tagging me @thegloriousninjaturtle you beautiful bastard, I've certainly been cooking, for a few fics in fact. Go read their wondrous fics full of nothing but bunny sluttery :p

I Don't Want Antibody But You (Chapter 12 in progress):

Backtrack, and it hits him:

“I know you.”

It wasn’t really the looks that did it, though they were pretty distinctive; that Kyle look. No, it was the voice; that Kyle voice. It shook him out of his stupor the first time, and the second was catching up. Kyle was looking at him like someone might look at a pet they dug up out of the ground. It was making Stan wanna vomit again.

No that’s right, it was Kyle who put him in the tub. He was standing there looking like he’d vomit himself. Well at least they could do it together.

Kyle said something, Stan couldn’t really hear it. It sounded passive-aggressive. So Kyle.

“Yeah – no, I remember you. That hair.”

“What about my name? Or has alcohol killed that part of your brain too?” Kyle asked, his voice strained.

Stan smiled, though it wasn’t funny. It was kind of sickening. In a kind of half-panicked haze, he realised this was the longest conversation they’ve had for years. The haze is thick, so it doesn’t show on his face.

“I bet you don’t ‘member mine,” Stan said, dulling the pain by tearing the thoughts to shreds. “You knew me too.”

Or at least tried to.

“I asked you first.”

So Kyle.

“You’re Kyle,” Stan smiled wobbily. Saying that felt good, like taking a secret little piece back with him to hoard. Kyle wasn’t his anymore, so he could at least have a momento.

“Why are you drunk?” Kyle asked.

“No no, it’s your turn remember,” Stan sang. That question stung, did he even have an answer? It was fun.

No it wasn’t.

It was his own little special therapy, since Randy thought real therapy was for gay pussies, and god forbid you be either.

“You’re Stan,” Kyle sighed, and let Stan see it all for one split second that he nearly missed. Kyle averted his eyes and looked around for someone in the empty bathroom, Stan lying collapsed in the tub and feeling a low thrumming headache approaching. He had wondered if Kyle remembered him. They were different people now. It's not like he hadn’t pushed for the split. It just hurt. Everything fucking hurt.

“That’s it,” Stan nodded. “Good job.”

...

Tagging @/anyone who wishes to show the first few words they've written for the year!! Love you all <3

[empressofthesunwriter]

Friendly Faces Everywhere

Codename Dovahkiin Part 2

Now that the Stick of Truth RPG is over it's time for N.K. to face the normal everyday life of South Park.

She should have known nothing in South Park is ever normal!

Day to day the craziness of this supposed quiet little mountain town she has to combat now.

Thank god, she has Tammy, Wendy, her boys, and her Social Media/Magical Girl Powers on her side.

This gonna be a wild ride!

Main Pairing: New Kid/Kenny McCormick/Kyle Broflovski

Chapter 9: Changes

The whole atmosphere in school sucks ass.

You wanna know why?

Jimmy Fallon ripped South Park as a whole a new imaginary asshole.

I know this from my parents who told me this at breakfast. Don’t get me wrong South Park is my home and I love a lot of these crazy ass citizens here, but I didn’t think that would hit all so much.

Even Tammy is just leaning with her head at her locker looking embarrassed down.

I purse my lips, fixing my backbag.

“You aren’t doing so hot, huh, Tam?”

“Hello N.K.”, she responds robotically. “How did it go with Heidi?”

“She broke up with me.”

“I’m sorry.”

“I’m now together with Kenny.”

“That’s nice.”

“Someone put gum in your hair, Tammy.”

“How lovely.”

Annoyed I roll my eyes and give her a good shake.

“Earth to Tammy, join us back here. Don’t give a fuck what some dude on the television said.”

She looks at me with crazed eyes. Okay, I’m worried.

“You don’t understand, N.K., you aren’t full South Park.”

Dramatically she drapes herself over me, I hold and pet her head.

“All of America thinks now we are some stupid bigoted rednecks. All thanks to Mr. Garrison. It’s not fair! Not all are like him.”

“I know Tam, I know. Come let us go to our classroom. Don’t think so hard about it. It will stop as fast as it started.”

She mumbles something like she wants to have my confidence, while I drag her by her hand to our classroom.

On our way, I see Leo and Stan’s Gang standing in a circle looking depressed too.

My boys, besides Cartman, too?

“Well do you think it's true?”, asked Leo the other boys. “Do you think we're really bigoted country bumpkins?”

“No.”, disagress Fatass. “Hey, we are not bumpkins! Okay?! Kenny's a bumpkin!”

WHAT?!

“Well fuck you, dude!”, curse Kenny, at the same time I call: “Don’t talk to my boyfriend like that fatso! Like you are so well off!”

Surprised the boys turn to me and Tammy.

I probably look ready to swing, while Tammy just hangs on my arm.

“Boyfriend? Aren’t you with Heidi Turner, douchebag?”, wonders Cartman.

Tammy answer faster than me in an airy tone: “Heidi broke up with her, Kenny is now her beau. Why do we care about that when the whole world will think we are bumpkins!”

After this declaration from her, we all blink at Tammy.

“Tammy, are you okay?”, wants Leo to know, worried for her.

“I don’t know, are you guys?!”

“Can we please go back to how you and Heidi broke up and you are apparently dating Kenny now? How fast did this happen?”

“Oh is our little Kyle jealous? Sad that the thirsty hoe doesn’t want to suck your dick anymore?”

“GO AND DIE CARTMAN!”

“DON’T CALL MY GIRLFRIEND THIRSTY HOE FATASS OR I WILL BREAK YOUR BALLS!”

“I WILL MAKE OUT OF YOU SHISH KEBAB AND FEED IT TO THE WOLVES IN THE WOOD.”

“Lame. I made a dude eat his parents as chili.”

“WHAT?!”

“WILL YOU ALL SHUT UP!”, shouts Stan so loud at we all really stop.

Now we stare at him.

He is facepalming hard.

“So N.K. and Kenny are together, big deal. Not that we didn’t see this from a mile happening and Kyle don’t look at me like that! We should all hope together that someone can fix this mess of us been know as America’s biggest bumpkins.”

Well, I couldn’t care less, I don’t give a fuck what others thinks, but all my friends, my boyfriend, and Cartman nod.

The school bell sounds signaling it’s time to go to our classrooms.

Later, after a gruesome math class I get a message on my smartphone from Kyle.

It reads that he wants to talk to me and I should meet him at the Janitor’s closet where we had our…erm romantic moment.

I text Kenny this and tell Tammy she should grab us a table in the cafeteria before I make my way to the Janitor’s closet.

Kyle is already there waiting for me with crossed arms.

“So you choose Kenny?”, he doesn’t have time for pleasantries it seems.

I close the door behind me and sign.

“I wanted to be with Heidi and Kenny.”, I explain. “But Heidi didn’t want a polyamorous relationship so she broke up with me. So me and Kenny are dating but we are in an open relationship. Kyle if you want me as much as I want you, we can date.”

He purses his lips.

“But you would also date Kenny right?”

“Yes.”

“N.K. I know you are bi, but also polyamorous…are you sure you are this or only confused?”

“I take offense in this!”, I huff and put my hands on my hips. “I’m starting to accept this part of my sexuality too I don’t need your smartass! Do you think it’s easy to admit that?”

At least he has the gall to look ashamed and says sorry, he didn’t mean it like that.

I wave it away.

Kyle is also only ten. He may be much more mature than most of his classmates, but he isn’t like Kenny and me.

“N.K., I will be truthful to you, I like you a lot, but I don’t think I can handle you dating Kenny also.”

Yeah, I kinda had this feeling.

I try to keep my tears at bay as I tell him: “I love you, Kyle.”

The red-haired boy gasp surprised and turned adorable red.

“I love you so much, I really do. I want to be with you, but I understand you. I love Kenny also and I can’t break up with him for you. I will love you probaly for a long time and hope that one day you will maybe be part of our polycule. But I won’t force you. I will be happy as your friend also.”

With nothing more to say from me I leave the Janitor closet, leaving a pensive Kyle behind.

I meet Kenny halfway to the cafeteria.

He doesn’t need a word of me to give me a hug.

I may be taller than him, yet I feel so protected in his arms. It may sound weird but I feel like shadow tendrils also wrap around me to console me.

We stay like this for a few seconds, till I take his hand and lead him into the cafeteria.

You can’t have anything.

I learned that with Heidi.

The next days are wild.

Somehow the adults got the brilliant idea to turn Kenny’s house into the new artistic hotspot of South Park called SodoSoPa with lots of shops and restaurants.

I heard it from Kenny and saw it with my own eyes.

Currently, my boyfriend and his adorable sister are at my house.

Kenny take her to me because their father yelled at Karen for wanting ice cream and then about getting jobs and all that.

We three are sitting in my room having a Tea Party.

Kenny and I put even our Stick of Truth customs on and I gave Karen my old Cinderella costume when I was her age.

She is holding Ursa in her arms and gasps like a lady at my invented story/rumor.

“And my dears I’m not kidding you, I saw then the dashing lieutenant enter the home of the Lady Threebell!”

“Oh dear!”, gasped Karen, hugging Ursa.

Princess Kenny slaps a hand on her mouth and plays along: “Lady Threebell! Isn’t she seeing Mister James from the Newspaper?!”

“I know, it scandalous, absolute scandalous!”

We all sip our "tea" as if we have to calm down.

Suddenly we hear a knock on my door and Mamma peaks her head in.

“I’m sorry to interrupt my young ladies.”, she begins. “But dinner is ready would you like to eat with us, Kenny and Karen, dear?”

Karen looks with big eyes at her brother.

“Can we Kenny?”

I feel how Kenny wants to say no, for him it’s probaly charity, but I discreetly kick him lightly in the chin. As he looks at me offended I mouth do it for Karen she deserves a good meal, he knows he lost.

So we all follow my Mamma to the dinning table.

Papà is already there and helps each of us little ladies and Mamma to our sit.

We enjoy a nice dinner, Mamma bring even out ice cream and while my parents sit down on the couch to watch TV, we go back up my room.

Karen yawns cutely.

“Tired, Karen? Should we go home?”, ask Kenny her.

The little girl shakes her head and lay down on my bed.

“Can we stay for a while more, N.K.”, she begs me, yawing again. “Your house is so warm and smells nice and your mommy and daddy are nice.”

I totally ignore Kenny look, walking over my future sister-in-law, stroking her hair and cooing at her: “You can stay here as long as you want, Kare-Bear.”

I kiss her forehead, which makes her giggle, and hand her Ursa.

“Ursa tells me she so much wants to cuddle with you.”

She shouts happily kissing my Teddybear.

I turn to Kenny who frowns.

“Princess Kenny, a word.”

I wave him over out of my room.

Before he opens his mouth I stop him.

“Kenneth, I don’t want to hear anything about that you guys don’t need my hospitality. You are family and I will take care of you, basta!”

My boyfriend blinks and then signs.

“You would just drag my ass back here.”

“Yup.”

“Well, okay, we can’t stay for a while.”

“Good, I tell my parents you guys will be sleeping over!”

“WHAT? I didn’t-“

Too late, I’m faster and run down to tell my parents this. After they give me their okay, Kenny waits for me with crossed arms.

“You sneaky little brat.”

“Yeah, what you gonna do about that?”, I challenge him.

I get grabbed by my waist and a cheeky tongue wrestling with mine.

Kenny is such a damn good kisser. I will never get enough of it.

A while later, I can even manage to let them both take a bath in my house.

Karen was excited from alone, Kenny needed a bit of convincing.

So while Karen enjoyed her bath time, I put my mouth to good use and promised Kenny that we could bath together.

And with that ladies and gentlemen, I had him.

He never had seen me completely naked.

He very much wanted this, after I rilled him up.

So we put Karen, freshly washed and wearing one of my old P.J. in my bed and enjoyed our bath together.

Really, really enjoyed it.

It was difficult to keep quiet, not only because of Karen but also because of my parents.

They don’t know and will never know that I’m already…erm…well known in the physical aspects of a romantic relationship.

Mamma and Papà, mostly Papà, would probably faint knowing what I already did and do.

Anyways, Kenny and I look like raisins after our bath. We stayed longer in the water than planned.

I blame totally Kenny and his finger for it.

He isn’t only a good kisser, ladies and gentlemen.

Giggling like school girls we get dressed in P.J. and I compliment Kenny. He totally rocks my Hello Kitty P.J.

We step back into my room, where Karen is already asleep, and carefully get into the bed to not wake her up. She is between us.

Kenny hugs her to himself and she adorable grasps his clothes.

I wish I could make a photo.

We two whisper a bit with each other.

My boyfriend tells me that he wants to gif Karen a new doll and will search for a job to do so. I tell him what a good older brother he is and that he hopefully finds one.

As 10 year old you can’t do much.

Well, legal.

Illegal is something different.

Why I’m saying this?

Because the next day Kenny ends up working at City Wok with another seven children.

This means we can’t see each other a lot after school since he has to work. I’m okay with that, our love will not go away only because we can’t spend much time together. We still see each other at school and I phone him when I know he has a break.

In the end, Kenny manages to buy Karen her new doll and we get a Whole Foods.

The whole town makes even a commercial with it.

Well, all, but us Campo’s.

I never liked Whole Foods. I’m actually scared of this place.

Yes, I know it sounds strange, but I always freak out when we enter it in the past, so we started to avoid the Whole Foods.

My parents can be really awesome.

Anyway I watch how all enjoy the Whole Foods and I get this shiver, only this time I voice in my tells me to get ready.

But to get ready for what is the question?

I take my parent’s hands and we go home.

No, I better just stay away.

I don’t wanna be known as the girl who has a strange phobia of a supermarket.

Yeah, I know I sound a bit hypocritical since I always say I don’t care what people think, yet anyone has their exceptions.

Mine is to hide the fact I’m scared of a supermarket.

Even though it sounds so…stupid.

When we reach home there is surprisingly a letter for me.

Huh, I wonder who would write me?

With all my friends I have here and there in America, we mostly message each other by phone.

Meh, maybe someone wants to make me a surprise.

And it was really a surprise as I read the simple letter.

Be aware of the advertising my dear Dovahkiin…we will meet again soon.

Signed it was with a simple I.

Alarmed I look around.

It can only be Inquisitor!

But what the fuck does he mean by "advertising"?

Next

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empressofthesunwriter

[phonky-toxic-chemical]

https://www.wattpad.com/story/316463042 WARNING THIS BOOK CONTAIN THE FOLLOWING --------------------------------------------------- - Yaoi - Homosexuals(a ton-) - Death/Deceased - Fictional Viruses - Suicide - Angst - SP OC - Murder - Violence - Vulgar Language - Sexual references - (will be updated) ----------------------------

[king-douchebag01]

Monster Hunters [South Park AU] (on Wattpad)

"Kenny, are you afraid of not dying? Li-like permanently." It was something Tweek always wondered about.

Kenny gave a nod with a scowl on his face, and suddenly Tweek was afraid he might have pissed off Kenny. If Kenny was angry, he didn't reveal it as he calmly explained, "I've gotten so used to dying and reviving that it feels as normal as sleeping and waking up, but," Kenny looked down at his feet, "I'm afraid of it always being this way. That'll outlive everyone that I love and care about, and then I'll be alone."

• • • • • • • • • • • • •

I’ve added 2 chapters in the past 2 days to my fanfic and would appreciate some reads. Next chapter is when things really hit the fan so I hope you guys are prepared! 

• • • • • • • • • • • • •

https://www.wattpad.com/story/285392580-monster-hunters-south-park-au?utm_source=web&utm_medium=tumblr&utm_content=share_myworks&wp_uname=helphelphelphelp55&wp_originator=ZHhIcIG3kKZhaB73o33tSWx7%2FXFqMTReLW%2Bbb70u7ZEP0ZhyYIEBPBJvuEGG%2BdDrhe7iEg5z0EfN%2Beoo7L8Pxh0x4Ejli4PQfCokYVJedw5j4Xel%2BvcTzhZGVgvc7YAV

[ashtetiqueart]

Who would like to write a South Park fanfiction with me?

Hello there! If anyone is interested in helping write this story I started I would be thrilled! Ok, yes I did already start it and it is in its 3rd chapter....I have writer's block and I am extremely busy!  If you want to read it, its on fanfiction.net its called "Goin' on Down to South Park." It is a multiparing fic including: (the first name is seme the second is uke) Stan x Kyle, Kenny x Butters, Craig x Tweek, Damien x Pip, Christophe x Gregory, Clyde x Bebe, Token x Nichole, Kevin x Shelley, Cartman x Wendy, Ruby x Karen, Ike x Ferkle, Mike x Pete, and Micheal x Henrietta. If you're not comfortable with any of these pairings well....  The story is set in South Park high school.  if you want to do it then email me at: Southparkfanfiction@gmail.com nd we can talk about it some more then.  additional details: I have a BETA reader who also helps me edit any bad grammar so if you have any problems with that (I'm guilty) don't worry.

[lozislaw]

Style fic Update // I Don’t Want Antibody But You: Chapter 9

CHAPTER 9 HERE

I must say that I think this is my favourite chapter so far, for no reason at all that I can think of. Take a gander for yourself and see o3o <3

Synopsis:

The world changes, then changes again when the four boys divorce from each other's lives.

Thinking optimistically, at least Kyle no longer had to hang out with Cartman. But he would sacrifice his sanity and dive headfirst into the old days if it meant getting one more day with Stan.

Sometimes it seems the only way to get there is procrastinating life, getting in drunken fights, yelling at therapy trees and fisting (in a totally not gay way).

[empressofthesunwriter]

Friendly Faces Everywhere

Codename Dovahkiin Part 2

Now that the Stick of Truth RPG is over it's time for N.K. to face the normal everyday life of South Park.

She should have known nothing in South Park is ever normal!

Day to day the craziness of this supposed quiet little mountain town she has to combat now.

Thank god, she has Tammy, Wendy, her boys, and her Social Media/Magical Girl Powers on her side.

This gonna be a wild ride!

Main Pairing: New Kid/Kenny McCormick/Kyle Broflovski

Chapter 2: Don’t take away my Pizza and Pasta!

After our win against Photoshop, we had a nice, normal week. Wendy introduced us to her friends and we hung out with the fourth-grade girls.

I see a lot of potential in them.

They aren’t as infused with the patriarchy as I thought or more let’s say they reacted to my feminist speeches with interest and asked questions.

Bebe, Wendy’s best friend, and cute Heidi are especially promising.

I caught both of them looking at me in a…questioning way. Even Tammy got some of these looks.

These are looks I know from girls who told me before they were straight and then made out with me behind the school bleachers.

So my little hicktown isn’t totally straight.

But I will give these girls time.

First, get rid of the patriarchy brainwashing, then we can jump into questioning their sexuality or even gender identity

At this time Leo and I made also peace again with each other and he said sorry to me and Wendy that he was so stupid about this whole Kim Kardashian thing.

I’m glad I got my little bro back.

Nonetheless, it even didn’t take a day and he left with Stan, Cartman, Kyle, and Kenny the school to start their own Start-Up-Company, since they didn’t want to go to school anymore.

Leo even set fire to the school gymnasium, so sure was he that he wouldn’t return back here.

The boys, besides of course fatass, asked me to join them, but I like school.

I know shocking.

I mean I think Math is useless, but I like to learn new things and I’m a huge history nerd.

I have mostly fun at school.

Also, I didn’t believe that this Start-Up shit would actually work.

So while Stan’a Gang, that’s their official name I learned, chased that dream, I and the girls comforted Wendy because Stan broke up with her.

All the boys are on a fucking high horse, I swerve!

In the end, I was right since next Monday they are back in school.

How do I know that?

Because Kenny comes up walking toward me.

“Hi N.K.!”, he greets me.

“Hello, Kenneth.”, I answer over politely and close my locker. Can Tammy hurry and come from her locker? “I see you are back.”

“Erm, yeah, so how are you?”

I turn to him, crossing my arms and cocking a hip out.

“Oh, suddenly you want to know, how I am. If you haven’t ignored my messages all the time since your little Start-Up-Adventure.”

The boy in the parker has at least the sense to wince at this, rubbing his neck.

“I’m sorry.”

I just roll my eyes, as I see who is coming also.

“And there is the other one who ignored my calls, hello Kyle.”

Whatever the redhead wanted to say, he doesn’t and looks ashamed.

“Erm, I-“

“I don’t care Kyle. You both thought so high and mighty about yourself that you even couldn’t spare answering a friend’s message.”

“You are more than a friend to me.”, they both say at the same time.

Angry they look at each other.

“What the fuck, dude?!”

“No, what the fuck you dude!”

“I have known her before!”

“And yet she also has fallen for me.”

“SHE right now wants to kick both of your asses.”, I growl at them. “What I am? A toy you can decide when to play with it? A toy you can put on a shelf and forget about it totally because you have a new one? And then when the new one is broken, you play with the old again? Fuck you two! I’m no one’s toy!”

With that, I flick my hair and sash away from them.

I meet an equally angry Wendy on my way to Tammy’s locker.

“Stan?”

“Kyle and Kenny?”

We both nod in understanding for each other and continue on our way.

Really, maybe I should just hit up Bebe and/or Heidi. They at least wouldn’t pull such shit on me.

More than a "No" they can’t say.

Meh, for now, I will drap myself over Tammy and tell her my woe.

Amazons of the Southern Lands

Nichole: Did you guys hear it? Stan and his gang are throwing a big party on Saturday!

Red: Yeah and apparently Lorde will be there!

Annie: Oh my god, Lorde I love her!

Heidi: Same! It’s like she totally gets me!

Bebe: Is there a dress code? What should we wear to it?

You all are aware that the guys just want to butter up us.

Wendy: I agree with N.K. Stan and his friends just want to be in our good graces again, helping spread awareness of diabetes my ass.

Bebe: Who gives a fuck? It’s Lorde! LORDE! Oh and pizza.

Red: But Lorde is more important.

You are selling your soul for Lorde?

Tammy: Now you are a bit dramatic sis! It’s not like you and Wendy have to talk to the boys. We girls will just go as a group, to eat the pizza and hear Lorde and you can ignore these idiots.

Wendy: If you put it that way….

I do like Pizza. And Lorde is fantastic. Okay fuck it, let fucking gooooooooooooo!

Bebe: That’s the spirit. Should we pick a theme for our clothes? How about flowers?

I can’t even answer this as my parents storm into our house. Surprised I jump from the couch I was sitting on.

“Mamma, Papà where is the fire?!”

My parents don’t even look at me as they run into the kitchen. They open drawers and our fridge, throwing a lot of our food in big garbage bags.

I stare at them with my chin on the floor.

“Mamma?!”, I shout.

Finally, she hears me, while Papà still throws food away, she kneels down and hugs me tight.

“My little princess, don’t worry! Mamma and Papà will do anything that the evil gluten doesn’t get you.”

I’m more confused than before.

“Huh?”

“Kelly, I think this is all!”

“Are you sure, Chris?”

Papà joins Mamma kneeling on the floor taking carefully my face in his hands.

“Princess, do you have any snacks in your room?”

“Erm, no, not right now?”

He nods and both my parents grab the full garbage bags and are out of the house again. I look after them. I see how all our neighbors are burning food on stakes.

What the fuck is going on?

My smartphone rings. I pick it up.

“Tammy, what’s up?”

“Did your parents also storm your house and are burning the food?”

“How do you know that?”

“Mine did this!”

“Oh dear lord what is going on now?”

I get my answer a while later, after Tammy and I theorized what the adults have now for problems.

My parents sit me down and explain to me that apparently, gluten is bad. It needs to get destroyed or my dick will fly off if I eat it.

Once again I’m a girl with girl parts, so that wouldn’t happen to me, but my parents are terrified.

Whatever they expired at the community center shocked them.

Now, how in the ever-loving fuck should I live without most of the food I love, because of course things like Pizza and Pasta are full of gluten.

This sucks ass!

The next days are crazy with this whole gluten pandemic going on. No one knows what to eat anymore and I swerve I lost probably three kilos already.

Stan and his gang cancel the party, only telling us after a few hours it’s back up.

Apparently, Cartman of all people found the solution to our food crisis.

I’m just…South Park is so fucked up in many ways.

I can’t okay?

But well, a party is still a party and our whole girl group is going. We took Bebe theme, flowers and are dressed in this way.

I formally battle to have cherry blossoms and wear a pretty pink dress with cherry blossoms on it. A hairpin decored with a cherry blossom and pink heels.

I have to admit the party of the boys is sweet. After all this panic we need this moment to relax and unwind.

I’m sitting at one of the tables, eating a steak with a lot of butter, enjoying Lorde singing.

Strange, I could have sworn she looked better on the magazine covers. Was it also Photoshop with her?

The other girls are dancing, talking to the others, or like Tammy gone to the restroom.

“Erm…Hello N.K.”, shy calls a know voice my name.

I turn to the person.

“Kyle.”

The red-haired boy has a cute blush on his face, playing with his fingers.

“It’s awesome that you could come.”, he tells me.

“I came here with my friends to hear Lorde.”, I state simply. “I’m still angry at you guys.”

He winces.

“You have the right to be. I really was a dick to you.”

“Yes, you were.”

I cut a bit of my steak and eat it.

“N.K. I’m really, really sorry. I was a stupid boy so fixed on earning money and never again go to school that I forget anything. Which was wrong, I know.”, he apologizes.

I sign.

“Well, you ARE still only ten, I shouldn’t be so angry. We all make mistakes.”

A cute smile forms on his face and I get to urge to kiss Kyle’s whole sweet face.

“Are we good again, N.K.?”

“Yeah, all right. I may still be a bit resentful, but we can be friends again.”

His smile gets just bigger.

Adorable!

“Would you…would maybe if you want…erm dance with me.”, he wonders, rubbing his neck.

Okay didn’t expect that.

Can’t help but blush too.

“Yeah, let’s dance Kyle.”

I take his hand and we start to dance. It’s more of a swaging around, but Kyle looking at me like I am a kind of goddess, is pleasing me greatly.

“Your dress is so pretty.”, he compliments me. “It fits you so much.”

Kyle being all shy and cute gives me an enormous ego boost. Normally I’m a bit shy with redheads or incredibly horny.

But with Kyle…it’s so simple and nice.

I lean down and plant a soft kiss on his cheek. I feel how warm his cheek gets under my lips. A cute squeaking sound left him.

“You are adorable.”

He blushes more.

Smiling at each other with twinkling eyes we sway while Lorde sings.

It’s really, really romantic.

I don’t know for how long we dance, at least three songs, as I see how Kenny comes towards us.

Uh-Oh.

“Hey guys.”, he greets us, sending Kyle a sharp look, which the redhead counters. “Mind if I step in?”

“Actually, yes.”, hisses Kyle.

Not even a second after he said it I let go of him.

Kyle looks surprised.

“N.K.?”

“Oh no, you two aren’t starting a competition for my hand or something. I’m not I prize to be won.”, I make myself clear. “I like you both and I know that’s unfair, but I can’t decide, so please let us all be just friends. I don’t need more drama in my life.”

Guilty the boys nod.

“Can I still dance with you? I want also to say sorry for what a dick I was to you.”, ask me Kenny with big puppy dog eyes.

“I will get some ice cream.”, let Kyle us be, even if I can see that it breaks his heart.

Why can’t I just decide?

Polyamory, it’s simple as that!

Brain, not now!

So I and Kenny dance and he says sorry too. Like with Kyle, I accept it.

With Kenny, I really dance. I’m quite surprised by what moves he can do.

I can’t help but laugh happily as he twirls me around and then even tango-dips me.

Me! Who is a head taller than him!

I would lie if I didn’t say that this turns me on.

For that, I give him also a kiss on the cheek.

He grins wide and brightly, which makes my heart race.

After I few songs I tell Kenny that this is enough, I don’t want to play favorites with him and Kyle.

He accepts it, albeit sad, and lets me go.

With a last smile to him, I walk to Tammy and ask her for a dance.

At least with my super best friend, there aren’t any problems.

We both take turns leading and I get Tammy to blush like a tomato as I tango-dip her.

For the rest of the party, I stay with the girls.

I even get to dance with Wendy, Bebe, and Heidi.

I twirled Wendy so much around that she asked laughing for a break.

Bebe and I just started to twerk for fun at one point.

And Heidi was so cute!

She blushed the whole time.

Mmh, maybe I should really ask her out….

Whatever this party was amazing!

Can’t wait for the next one.

Next

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[empressofthesunwriter]

The Stick of Truth

Codename: Dovahkiin Part 1!

N.K. is angry at her parents. Not only did they move again, no, but they moved into a snowy hicktown named South Park! She was sure she would hate it there, yet surprisingly she gets to participate in the epic RPG the kids play and falls for the human princess and the elf king. Who is friend, who is foe and which side should she choose?

Main Pairing: New Kid/Kenny McCormick/Kyle Broflovski

Chapter 11: When all goes to shit!

All I can say I’m on a roll these last two days!

I needed to write and finish this chapter.

Happy reading!

It’s already dawn when the whole army of Kupa Keep, seriously where do all these kids come from, I never saw them at the Kingdom, and the Goth kids reach the school.

King If-I-don’t-eat-cheesy-pops-I-will-die stands before us.

Loud, so that even the people a neighborhood away can hear him, he proclaims: “Defenders of freedom! I thank you for your courage, and your audacities in joining our fight! Tonight, we are no longer the humans or the goths. Tonight, we unite as ONE!”

“I feel like SUCH a homo sapien right now.”, deadpans the boss goth, whom I learned his name is Micheal.

I can’t help but snort. It’s funny! Even if this wasn’t surely why he said it.

By the way, I love the whole Viking-vibe, the Goths have going on. They look cool!

Two of the upper-floor windows open and elves look out of it.

“THE HUMANS ARE HERE!”, shouts one, as another blows a war horn.

“Ooh, they blew their horn! Blow ours, Butters!”, commands King I-need-to-see-a-diat-doctor.

Leo does just that, while Cartman shouts more commands: “Guys, flank left! Goth kids, prepare to attack from behind!”

It’s time!

Let’s get this show on the roll.

I take a deep breath and feel how Princess Kenny takes my hand. We look at each other in understanding.

Tonight the Wizard King will fall and a Queen will rise!

Getting into the school is easy.

We planned that the elven would barricade the front door, "forcing" us to use the backdoor.

I have Leo and Princess Kenny with me as we make our way through the kitchen.

“N.K., if you're in the building: You're fighting for a tyrant, but I know there's good in you.”, sounds from the speaker’s King Kyle’s voice. He is playing his part perfectly. “Stop fighting for your evil lord! Free yourself from his control!”

I’m holding hands with Kenny, while Leo holds into my arm.

“A-All right, fella’s, no turning back.”, he stutters nervously.

“It will work, don’t worry.”, reassures Princess Kenny.

I nod in agreement.

“Just stick to what we discussed and nothing bad will happen.”

“I-I will try.”

We reach the cafeteria where Tweek perfectly plays having a meltdown since all his friends are "death".

There are other kids from Kupa Keep we don’t know and aren’t part of our plan. He needs to.

I give him a head pat.

Me and my two buddies move forward.

We reach the barricade of the elven.

“Monsieur Hamilton?”, whispers an elf to me.

“Monsieur Lafayette!”, I say the code we agreed on.

If you are wondering is this a Hamilton reference?

Yes, yes it is!

I love that musical!

With a nod, the elf let us through without problems.

We leave the cafeteria and are in the familiar hallway where Princess Kenny and I defeated the evil sixth-grader ginger hall monitor.

Again we get asked the code by the elves and I answer.

As we pass the barricade King Kyle’s voice sounds from the speakers again.

“These are the terms of your surrender! One! You will be the elves' personal slave for...”

“A month.”, comes Stan along.

“One month! Two! You agree that the elves are the masters of the Stick for all time! Three. You eh...”

“Hey, hand me the mic for a sec. Three. The so-called Grand Wizard has to jump up and down continuously for three straight days. If he stops early, he has to start over.”

“Hehehahyahaheh!”

Princess Kenny and I laugh imagine if Cartman has to do this really.

All this bouncy fat, I can’t!

Only Leo tries not to laugh. My little brother is such a sweet bean.

We reach now the basement…and what the fuck?

Why is Cartman there?

Wasn’t he busy at the entrance?

He stands over a ginger hallway monitor, frowning.

As King Fatass hears us coming down the stairs he turns to us.

“Stay back you guys! Something is seriously wrong with the hallway monitors!”

“Help... please...”, whimpers the hall monitor.

“That's Gary Nelson!”, yells Leo and runs up to his side. He helps Gary sit up.

“Don't touch him, he's ginger!”, warns Cartman.

Princess Kenny and I deadpan at him and I so wish I could already kick his ass.

“We came to school the morning after the earthquake to report for duty.”, explains Gary, coughing. “We didn't know the school had been canceled. We heard a sound from down here, found this green goo, i-it was everywhere. It... changed the other hallway monitors.”

“Serves you right for being a patsy-ass hallway monitor in the first place.”, huffs our Grand Wizard Asshole.

Gary stands up, turning his back to us, staggering away.

“Something in the goo... it... it...”

Suddenly he turns back around.

Oh no!

He is a Nazi Zombie!

That is the signal for our brave Wizard Fatass to run out of the basement.

“AAGHGH! Somehow that green goo makes ginger hallway monitors even LAMER!”

 We three get ready to battle the zombified Nazi ginger.

Good that we are three since he calls for backup.

We defeat them.

“Hey! What's wrong with these guys?”, asks Princess Kenny.

“Yeah, big sis, what happened to these guys?”, wonders Leo.

“You guys heard about the Taco Bell, which is going to be built? Well, it’s actually a crash-landed UFO who leeks this green goo which turns basically anything organic into a Nazi Zombie.”, I explain.

“You are shitting me.”, say’s Princess Kenny in disbelief.

“I wish I was, but it’s true.”

“That’s such a cliche!”

“I know!”

“Fella’s, we need to get moving. Even if I agree with ya.”

“You are right, Leo.”

We make our way through the basement.

More Ginger Nazi Zombies await us, but using the special abilities of my friends and the environment to our advantage we manage to defeat them.

I can’t help myself and flirt a bit with Kenny: “Your tits are so amazing, even the brain death get charmed by them.”

She giggles cutely, giving me as thank you, a quick kiss on the lips.

At least one of my crushes is into me.

Sign.

I wonder what I need to do to get a sweet kiss from Kyle?

We are finally out of the basement. The hallway we follow leads us to the school entrance.

“N.K! You don't want to be on the wrong side of this when Wizard Fatass's army falls. Think about what you're doing!”

There Stan waits all ready for us with his elven.

He plays his part as an obstacle awesome, but did he really need to use dog poo on us?

Anyway, we “conquer” the lobby, and Stan retreats.

Entering from the right comes Wizard Big Belly.

“Good work! Douchebag, man the catapult, and let our guys through the front door. Everyone, fall in!”

I nod, doing as he says.

We are closing now on the Endgame.

I need to use Cup-A-Spell to let the barricade before the front door explodes so the rest of the Kupa Keep army can enter the school.

I swerve, in the next RPG, I will demand no farting powers!

“Push forward! I must save my strength for the final battle!”, tells me Cartman.

“As you wish my lord.”, I simply reply.

Me, Kenny, and Leo continue on.

Stan is in the hallway and after making sure Cartman or someone who isn’t on the plan isn’t with us he smiles sheepishly at us.

“Sorry about the dogpoo. I hope I didn’t get one of you.”

“It’s whatever.”, I wave it off. “You played your part and in the end, this is all that is important. Also Stan where is Tammy?”

Surprisingly I hear how Kenny mumbles her name in question. I wonder what’s up with that?

“She is with Kyle, protecting him. Lady Tammy is a damn good fighter!”

Proud like a mama I nod.

“That she is. We see us later Stan.”

He salutes and lets us pass.

“N.K.”, whisper Kenny. “Is this Tammy, Tammy Warner?”

Now I’m the one who is surprised.

“Yeah. Do you know her?”

Kenny is silent, but Leo isn’t.

“Tammy Warner? Wasn’t she your girlfriend, Kenny?”

….WHAT?!

“Butters!”, hisses Kenny angrily, and my little bro flatters under the eyes of the Princess.

“Okay, we will open this can of worms later.”, I decide for us all. “We need to focus and stick to the plan.”

We reach the second floor.

There we "help" Tweek and King Kyle has another message: “Last chance, N.K.! He's nothing without you. Walk away from this!”

We continue on and enter the hallway with the fourth-grade and fifth-grade classrooms.

“Seriously, N.K. , you're breaking my balls here.”

Again, how the heck did Cartman manage to be there before us? He was behind us! Craig and Scott are with him also.

“This is it!”, tells me Fatass. “You have the honor of leading the final assault, Commander.”

Oh if only you know.

I look at my friends, who all give me nods.

There are ready to.

So I open the door to the fourth-grade classroom.

King Kyle with a hooded Tammy on his side awaits us.

“Back away from the desk, Jew King!”, shouts King I’m-pretty-much-against-everyone-who-isn’t-white-straight-male-and-catholic.

“The Stick doesn't belong with a fat, RACIST LIAR!”, counters King Kyle.

While the two throw insults at each other the rest of my friends joins us in the classroom and Tammy walks over to me. She squeezes my hand in comfort.

It’s nearly time.

“All right, Kyle, you fuckin asked for it.”, growls Cartman after the two are done with their shouting match. King Kyle was right he really knows how to rile up Cartman. “Go ahead and kick his ass, Douchebag.”

All is still.

No one moves.

King Cheesy Pops looks around confused.

“Hello? Commander Douchebag, do your thing.”

“Actually…”, I trail off and hold my wand under his fat double chin. “This is the part where you get your ass kicked!”

“Fucking what?!  Oh, you motherfucker! I KNEW you were a fucking douchebag!”

But then his eyes widen as he sees that all are pointing their weapons at him.

Elven and human.

“WHAT THE FUCK?! WHAT’S GOING ON?!”, he shrieks aloud. “HAVE YOU ALL TURNED FUCKING TRAITORS?!”

“Let’s just say we are ready for a new era.”, deadpan Craig at him.

“WHAT?!”

I poke with my wand his double chin.

“It means I’m challenging you to a duel for the throne of Kupa Keep! Since I have the majority on my side it’s my right to ask for a change in the RPG. Everybody here, all the major players, supports this. So it’s legit. If you win you stay King, if I win Kupa Keep is mine!”

“YOU-YOU LITTLE POWER-HUNGRY PUSSY I WILL SHOW YOU TO TAKE MY MAN FROM ME AND TRY TO GET MY THRONE!”

With a battle cry, Cartman launches himself at me and we start our epic battle.

In the end, even if I hate it how, I win, since my farts were more potent than his.

Defeated Cartman lay on the floor.

I breathe heavily, not believing I have done it.

I defeated him.

I will be queen!

I raise my wand high in victory.

All around me the guys and Tammy celebrate and applaud me.

“Ding dong, the wicked wizard is death!”, yells Tammy and hugs me from behind.

Then I step away from her to Cartman.

I want him to see this.

“Fatass you shall know who really defeated you.”, I say to him.

Tired he raises his head, glaring at me.

“Oh, I know it perfectly a traitorous douchebag!”

“No, A GIRL!”

Dramatically I strip away my Link cosplay and I stand before him as Dark Magician Girl.

Like this, no one can mistake me for a boy.

I hear gulps and feel looks on my free legs and my hemline, where you can see a bit of my breast modestly peeking out.

“I have a girlfriend, I have a girlfriend…”, mumbles Token.

“Me too, we shouldn’t look, dude…”, adds Stan.

“Oh dear, I think my blood sugar just got higher.”, murmurs Scott.

“W-What a d-dramatic revelation m-my lady!”, congrats me Jimmy.

“My big sister is so pretty!”, gushes Leo.

“Well, rational speaking she is pretty but it doesn’t do it for me.”, deadpan Craig. Surprisingly Tweek agrees with him.

…My Bi-Fi is picking something up…

I can feel how Kenny formally zeros on my breasts and…Kyle is adorable red in the face and tries to not look in my direction.

Tammy and I share a look.

Boys.

Only Cartman looks at me in disgust.

“You were a girl! The whole time! You fucking liar! I should banish-“

“You can’t anymore.”, I stop him. “I won the duel. I’m now the rightful ruler of Kupa Keep. I’m the Dark Magician Queen N.K. and you will accept this or you can stop playing with us.”

Fatass gets so red in the face that he resembles an angry pepperoni.

“Wait for a second guys.”, calls Tammy for attention.

We all collectively ignore Cartman’s outrage over another girl.

“We all set up Cartman with the Stick been in the possession of the elven, but where is the Stick actually? Since Cartman clearly hasn’t it like we thought.”

…OH MY GOD TAMMY IS RIGHT!

“What, I thought you guys had stolen the Stick already from him and placed it in his table.”, tells us, King Kyle.

…WHAT?!

“Kyle, who wrote you this?”, I ask him with a bad feeling in my stomach.

“I get a letter with your initials on it.”

“Well, I didn’t send you one!”

What is going on?!

“Guys, our school uses tabletops. They don’t have insides!”, reminds us, Tammy.

Now even Cartman looks worried around.

Someone is playing with all of us!

“Hey look at this!”, calls Leo over. He had inspected the tabletops. “This desk has writing on it! "Check my locker."”

“Whose desk is that?”, wonders Kyle.

It’s Cartman who answers him: “That's... that's CLYDE'S desk.”

Uh-Oh.

I follow Kyle, Stan, and Cartman to Clyde’s locker, the others are all behind us.

The locker isn’t even closed and Stan takes out a laptop from it.

He plays the video on it.

Clyde in violette armor with the Stick of Truth in his hands appears!

“Greetings, Humans and Drow Elves of Zaron!”

“Clyde!”, shouts Stan.

“HE took the Stick!”, realizes Cartman.

“No shit Sherlock!”, I add shocked.

“While you have all been busy fighting amongst yourselves, I have built a kingdom beyond your comprehension! I prayed for a way to destroy you all and the solution came crashing down from the heavens!”

“Oh no it's more of that green stuff!”, points Kyle out.

“Oh god don’t tell me he is going to turn the death kitty into a Nazi Zombie!”, I shriek.

Sadly he does.

Fuck you dude!

“With what I have found, I shall raise an army of the dead! I shall raise an entire army of darkness and kill the earth!”

“Clyde... but why?”, wonders Stan.

“I banished him to be lost in space and time -- now he's all pissed off.”, tells him Fatass.

“So you see, FOOLS, I control the stick AND the future of the Earth.”

“Clyde, do you want a sandwich?”

“Not right now Dad I'm making a Ruler of Darkness video. Whoever controls the Stick controls the universe -- and my first deed is that I hereby DENOUNCE the human and the elf kingdoms! I know about little Douchebag’s plan to dethrone the Wizard King so to be sure I strip all rulers of all their power! HAHAHA HAHA HAHAHAHAHAA!”

With that the video ends.

“Motherfucker!”, curses Cartman.

We all whole heartily agree.

I wasn’t even queen for half an hour and now that!

Fuck you, Clyde, I hope you catch something nasty!

Together all important humans and elven make their way to Clyde’s house.

With his wizard stick, Cartman knocks angrily at the door.

“Oh hello, boys! Oh and the two young ladies.”, greets Clyde’s dad.

“Can we speak to Clyde, please?!”, ask and demands Cartman at the same time.

“Oh, Clyde's out playing in the backyard with his little friends.”

With that, we all enter the house and go to the backyard.

What we see…Clyde Kingdom is bigger than Kupa Keep and the Eleven Kingdom together multiply by 10!

It would be really impressive if Clyde didn’t get a villain arc.

“Come and get it losers! Ha ha ha haa!”, mocks Clyde from one of his balconies.

“You can't do that Clyde! You're lost in time and space!”, reminds him Cartman.

“No, I'm not.”

“Yeah, you are, asshole!”

“Army of Darkness! Defend the fortress!”

From everywhere kids appear on the fortress.

I see these fake poser wannabe vampire kids, the fifth-grade girls I bet up, some other fifth graders who pose as Cyclops, and…

“Craig... ?”, trails Cartman off. “Craig you're on my side!”

“You mean on my side. I may have been queen only for a few minutes but it still counts!”, I remind him. “But I agree, Craig what are you doing there?!”

“None of you have authority anymore, the keeper of the Stick said so.”

“This can't be happening.”, says Kyle in disbelief.

Meanwhile, Cartman shouts: “GOD DAMMIT I HAVE FUCKING AUTHORITAH!”

“Sorry, warriors and wizards, I'd love to invite you into my fortress of darkness, but I'm afraid you're too LATE!”, stresses Clyde the word late.

“Too late?”, repeats Stan confused. “What’d ya mean we're too late?”

Suddenly Leo’s parents appear.

“There you are, Butters! Do you know what time it is mister?! It is WAY PAST YOUR BEDTIME!”, yells his dad.

“Oh shit it's past our bedtime?”, curses Cartman.

Kyle is already walking out of the backyard.

“Dude I'm gonna get it!”

“Hahaha, HAHAHAHAHAHAHA!”, laughs Clyde in our faces.

Tammy takes my hand.

Together we leave the backyard.

Fucking bullshit!

I enter my home pissed beyond belief.

We manage to dethrone Cartman, me becoming queen of Kupa Keep, only to have this plot twist with Clyde and his army of darkness and the goddamn motherfucking Stick of Truth!

Who writes this game?!

J.J. Abrams?

Or a fangirl with way too much time on her hands?!

“N.K. sweetie there you are, we got worried.”, greets me, Mamma.

“Aren’t you cold like that?”, wonders Papà, pointing at my Dark Magician Girl cosplay. “What happened to your Link cosplay?”

….I’m not gonna tell that I ripped it off to have a dramatic reveal of my true gender.

“No Papà, I’m not cold. I put Link back in the closet. I wanted to be Dark Magician Girl.”

“Well, you will know for sure what is good for you, princess.”

Tired from all this day I ask what’s for dinner.

They got take-out food again, this time from City Wok. They already eat, so I sit down with my noodle box between my parents and watch with them TV.

It’s a documentary about ancient Greece.

Nice.

I love this shit.

After I’m finished eating my parents tell me it’s really time for bed now, I can’t finish watching with them the documentary.

Another disappointment for the day.

I go up to the bathroom, take a quick shower and put my P.J. on.

I’m cuddling up with my teddy bear in bed, as Mamma walks in to wish me a good night like always.

“Goodnight, my little gumdrop.”, she cooed. “Hope you're enjoying all the peace and quiet in our new home as much as we are.”

Peace and quiet.

That’s funny.

We have not only free wandering Nazi Zombies here, the treat that three entire blocks of South Park get blown up by the government, no a fourth-grade boy is on an ego trip and uses the goo who turns people into Nazi Zombies for taking revenge because he got banish in a stupid little RPG!

I huff and snuggle with my teddy bear.

“This whole town and its inhabits are nuts, Ursa!”, I whisper-shout to my teddy bear.

Yeah, I talk with my teddy bear and I gave her the most creative name ever! Leave me alone.

Ursa of course has no words of encouragement for me.

It’s not Toy Story.

I close my eyes and try to sleep.

I will need all my forces tomorrow to kick Clyde’s ass and somehow stop the Nazi Zombies.

What is my life?

I don’t know anymore.

We should have stayed in Seattle, would have been better for anybody.

With that thought on my mind, I fall into a restless sleep.

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