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#spent 24 hours completely logged out of this account
genderqueeradrien · 2 years
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dietcokedemise · 1 year
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Confessions of a Junkorexic
june 9, 2023 | entry #16
🩷☠️🖤☠️🩷☠️🖤☠️🩷☠️🖤☠️🩷☠️🖤☠️
my redemption arc is in full effect! i’ve felt super sh*tty about the calorie overconsumption streak i’ve been on for the past few days but unlike in the past, i’m now choosing to make the conscious effort to assess the problem and work towards a resolution instead of my former method of coping by essentially just giving up on holding myself accountable, reinforcing the bad/harmful behavior, and continuing the cycle instead of forming a solution to end it 🙂 trust me, i may sound “enlightened” and “in-tune” with myself but i am faaaaar from either 😅
this being said…i ate out at a restaurant again today 💀 i made plans with a friend of mine to grab lunch and i literally spent an entire hour last night sifting through the menu to plan what i was going to eat and calculate the calories of everything…this however got thrown out the window when i got flustered while ordering and ended up ordering more food than i originally planned 🥲 BUT I CAN EXPLAIN!
so i went to Hooter’s for the first time ever today (it was f*cking delicious and i have zero regrets) and because i knew that this would be a restaurant where my fast a*s could easily go overboard, i ultimately planned to just order a boneless buffalo wing kids meal—that way i’d still be able to eat something i’d enjoy with portion control—hooooowever, it did not go as planned. i didn’t see the meal listed anywhere on the main menu but i still tried to order a kid’s meal anyways. i asked for a 5 piece boneless buffalo wing kids meal but i don’t think our waitress heard the “kids meal” part and told me that the lowest count for wings was 8 pieces. i was too embarrassed/flustered to repeat the order of what i actually wanted so i just went with it and ordered 8 wings instead of 5 😕 my friend and i also got an order of fries but luckily for me they weren’t that good so i barely ate any.
overall i’m not super peeved about it because the wings were amazing, i just would have felt like less of an obese whale had i been able to order my kid’s meal 😣 but on the bright side, i started my fast pretty early so hopefully i’ll finally be able to complete a 24 hr fast by tomorrow! fingers crossed🤞🏾
🩷☠️🖤☠️🩷☠️🖤☠️🩷☠️🖤☠️🩷☠️🖤☠️
food log
breakfast
N/A (0 cals)
lunch
8 boneless buffalo wings (660 cals) [estimated]
1/4 serving of curly fries (160 cals) [estimated]
side of ranch dressing (200 cals) [estimated]
diet pepsi (0 cals)
dinner
N/A (0 cals)
snacks(s)
N/A (0 cals)
total cal intake
1,020 cals 👎 [estimated]
🩷☠️🖤☠️🩷☠️🖤☠️🩷☠️🖤☠️🩷☠️🖤☠️
daily stats
cw
196.6 lbs (89.2 kgs) [-0.02]
bmi
37.1
lbs until current gw (180 lbs)
16.6 lbs
lbs until ugw (100 lbs)
96.9 lbs
steps
NOT TRACKED
hrs fasted
15 hrs
days binge free
1 🥲
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kenzie-andrews · 1 year
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Social Media Experiment:
After reading the effects social media has on everyone's lives, I wanted to go into depth on how it affects mine. I did two evaluations. One was evaluating 24 hours of how much I used my phone, computer, and social media. The other half was an experiment of not using social media for another 24-hour experience unless it was for school.
For the first 24 hours of calculating how much I use my phone, I had used it for almost 4 hours. Now that may not seem like a lot but in today's society that is. I spent another 6 hours on my computer between games and school related subjects. I had found myself waking up and immediately going on my phone and before bed going on my phone; both of which are not good. Between classes I found myself scrolling through Facebook, Snapchat, and Instagram many times. Facebook and Snapchat were my two highest apps that had been viewed on Tuesday, January 17th, for when the log took place.
Now after going over my log on my social media account and phone/computer usage, I did the opposite and limited myself to social media. This experiment was very hard for me as I had found myself wanting to go on social media. I challenged myself to not wake up and immediately go on my phone which encouraged me to start my morning in a better stance. Going through the day was a challenge but instead of playing on social media I took myself to Sudoku to pass the time. When I was in classes, I had tucked my phone away in my backpack so that I had no urge to grab it and look and cause a distraction to myself.
Overall, I learned a great deal from logging my social media to cutting it off. Although I don't think I could completely cut it out of my life. I could cut down on the amount of time I am using it and make it healthier for myself.
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belphies-pillow · 4 years
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In regards to people being assholes to the Devs of Obey Me....
This is going to be a long one but I’m pissed.
People need to stop complaining and harassing the devs.... I’m a gamer, I play mobile/pc/console games and NTT Solmare is by far the most generous gaming company I’ve ever come across.
Here’s some examples:
*Every event, if you complete daily tasks, save ten devil points for the 200ap deal you get every 24 hours (which is beyond generous in and of itself) and with a little bit of grinding YOU CAN complete the first page of prizes without spending any actual money. (I do it all the time...)
*By doing so you get ten demon vouchers FOR FREE! As well as an event related SSR card. If there’s a card you want, save the vouchers from a few events. It’s not hard.
*When you do a ten pull, THEY GUARANTEE AN SSR CARD! More apps are starting to do this but it’s not the norm.
*Its ok to lament shitty gacha luck (I have it in spades) but imo obey me has been far more generous in giving special cards than I’ve ever encountered.
*If you were really inclined too, you could spend money on the special event gacha to collect the shards and essentially buy a UR card.
*They give you a FREE option to farm for Grimm, that’s extremely generous. Ive spent literally weeks in other otome games to do the tiny little bit of grinding they allow (for free) daily just to clear checkpoints.
*You get to participate and complete entire story events for FREE. That’s not a norm either...most other otome apps break the story events into different character routes, with a crappy prize. It’s littered with hard to pass checkpoints and you have to buy the epilogue. (They’re not cheap)
*They have FREE daily log in bonuses that give you decent stuff.
*THE BIG ONE.....*clears throat*
THE DEVS FUCKING LISTEN TO THEIR PLAYERS AND CARE ABOUT THEM!!
It blew my damn mind when I first started seeing how much they interact with this fandom!!
*They respond quickly to app issues.
*Literally give you FREE shit and apologize whenever there’s a problem or just when they’re doing fucking maintenance!
*They’ve gone out of their way to apologize and explain content that came across as triggering for some players! On that note they’ve actually went as far to directly correct it in future event stories and lessons! They didn’t have to do it... they did because they care about the players.
*They released art content of the characters specifically so fans could have more reference material when they try their own art!!!
*There is an entire event (Levi’s Otaku Bootcamp) that’s given every few weeks with the sole purpose of giving you free items to help toward leveling up cards!! Also some devil points, AP and a demon voucher!!
If you started the game recently...you’re 👏 NOT 👏supposed 👏to be able to breeze through to lesson 28! You have to farm and grind for card items/Grimm just like the rest of us have and continue to do...
WHAT MORE DO YOU WANT THEM TO HAND YOU?!
Nothing in this world is perfect but it’s clear they are trying hard to please their fans and show appreciation to them.
You know what’s going to happen if everyone doesn’t calm down and appreciate what we have?
You’re going to wear down them down and make them jaded. They won’t take joy in creating content anymore and it’ll drag the game down. And I couldn’t blame them in the slightest.
I’ve seen the way artists and writers get treated in this fandom. I’ve seen some of these brilliant people get so discouraged they delete their social media accounts and stop creating content.
It’s sickening....
It may come as a surprise but the devs, writers and all the staff involved with Obey Me are *gasp* real people too!!! Real people, with real feelings. You don’t think it affects them when you’re attacking them?
There’s a difference between starting a dialogue because you have questions or concerns with the game and then there’s being a prick...
Don’t be a prick....
This is a great game with a fun concept.
So chill the fuck out and give the devs a break. You don’t like the game, don’t play.
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smartstores-2021 · 3 years
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steve0discusses · 4 years
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Yugioh S4 Ep 24: Someone Actually Called the Cops.
So recently I was like, “I should do something different than my usual” and I decided to open up a little thread for critiquing ppl’s short stories, and I kid you not, the very first story I got was someone’s Seto Kaiba erotica. Which, even in erotica form, did not have very much romance in it. So, now that Yugioh will apparently haunt my every waking move forever until I die, lets get back to S4. Lets desperately get back to canon. I miss canon.
Last we left off, Kaiba lost KaibaCorp...again. Really feels like he loses this company once every couple of years (weeks if we count season 1-3). Except, this time, Dartz didn’t read the fine print in the legal files that says the company must be run by a member of the Kaiba family. While that was a huge plot point with Pegasus, turns out that Seto and Mokuba’s memories have been blended so thoroughly, like a very fine Shadow Realm smoothie, that they just...forgot.
And like I’m positive that Roland remembers, but Roland’s not gonna say something and accidentally reveal he’s the 4th Kaiba brother and have to get abducted all the time and actually work for a living. Anyways, they forgot why Pegasus abducted them in the first place in Season 1, and honestly, so did the writers of this season 4 years later. Not like it mattered, because if Seto and Mokuba did take Dartz to court, the world would end before their case would even start.
Which is how, after one talk with Roland, Seto and Mokuba just sort of laid prone on the metaphorical ground and let it wash over them that yes, KaibaCorp is gone.
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I really like this extra-long helicopter, PS.
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Both members of Kaiba’s Sunglasses Army decided to align themselves with Kaiba, although honestly, I don’t think anyone else in this company has realized that they’ve been bought. It happened...1 hour ago. Like what do you even do if your company randomly gets bought in the middle of a workday? Like no lead up, no indication, just BAM you’ve been bought?
And if Duke works for Pegasus who got bought out by Dartz and then Dartz bought Kaiba Corp-------What does that make Duke? Is he gonna have to start wearing sunglasses inside?
Anyway, Roland knows better than to tell Seto Kaiba he doesn’t work for him anymore while still in the same helicopter as Seto Kaiba, who already crashed one plane today and will crash yet another plane before this episode is through.
(read more under the cut)
Seto decides to align with Yugi since he needs to confront Dartz eventually. Which is when we find out that Seto always planned to align with Yugi and was just giving him a really hard time.
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Because over the last several episodes, Seto has had an entire team at this random museum in Florida in order to take some pictures (that really should have already been on the internet but wtv, it was 2003 so maybe it wasn’t?)
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It’s like most of the way through s4 and the biker ninjas still send me. How did he make SO MANY biker ninjas? At what point was Dartz like...and now...all my mooks...will be ninja bikers. Or orcs. Mostly Ninja bikers.
Did Alister or the others ever tell him “hey, Master Dartz, I get that your 10000 years old but like...do you not understand what a biker is?” and was Dartz like
“clearly bikers are the most evil thing in the world, obviously.” completely unaware that most bikers are just 45 year old accountants.
In these scenes we also get a gander at their laptops and, if you ever want to see high level life crippling OCD anxiety in picture form, it’s illustrated very clearly right here:
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Not only did they draw this keyboard in 1 pt perspective, they used like a ruler to draw all those letters so they were the same size. Some artist put so much time getting this nice and crisp and smooth...and then this happened.
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And I’m pretty sure they died after that. I’m pretty sure this scene killed an artist.
It’s at this point that Yami kinda puts two and two together and was like “WE BOUGHT PLANE TICKET’S, YOU ASSHOLES.”
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(It’s been such a long time since we’ve seen Mokuba smile like this, and it’s because he’s been hiding the fact for So Many Episodes that he and his brother prepped like hours ago to get this huge dunk on the rest of the party. He just wants to dunk on them so bad. Look at him. His company was bought today. BUT he gets to spend time with his bro dunking.)
Serious question, will Delta refund your flight if the Great Leviathan appears in the sky and tries to eat your soul to reboot the world from the ground up?
Of course not. They will never refund your flight. Trick question.
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We switch back over to Rebecca and Duke, who have been absent from this show for so long, I actually forgot what Duke’s name was and had to think for like...5 entire minutes until I remembered that his nickname sounds like a poop and I was like “oh man, what name of poop would it be???” and then I recalled “Dookie. Yes. His name is literally Dookie. Wow that took way too long!”
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Then we start a story arc I’d to call “My Kingdom For a Sharpen Filter” where, much like King Lear, the Yugi crew splays themselves on a battle field just strewn with different ways to sharpen an image, but can’t for the life of them use any other one, but the one deep in the heart of what is now DartzCorp.
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And so yes, we are going to fly to San Fransisco, hop into ye Olde KaibaCorp, and log into proto-Noah in order to read a language that Arthur Hawkins can already read.
This is nonsense, but they put it there because it’s something to do. And honestly, it’s not a card game, so I’m down for this change-up. Lets go visit a version of Noah’s brain. At least they won’t drop an orichalcos for the 12th episode in a row.
On the way, Seto decides to try and egg on Yugi.
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This backfires as you expect it will because Yami doesn’t freakin care. Like he’s not Yugi, he doesn’t care who the King of Games is, he harnesses freakin Dark Magic. The Wizard never cares if he’s King Arthur or not, and in fact, he probably prefers it....
..................Except in that spinoff where they had Yugi as a reincarnation of King Henry VII.
...................................................never mind.
And then Seto Kaiba says this actual line and I just...
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WH.
WHHH
WHAT?
This entire show is just watching Yugi desperately cling to his scary ass hobbies. The tagline of Yugioh is “1001 reasons to go back to school and get a real job.”
What does Kaiba think Yugi does when he’s not around? Does he actually think Yugi attends school or sleeps at night or works an actual job? Like...he thinks Yugi has...NO HOBBIES.
Very interesting insight into what Seto considers a hobby and not hobby.
Especially since this Yami, who spends most of his spare time farting around his scary ass brain castle and getting lost. Occasionally he is forced on a date with Tea and wipes minds. That’s it. That’s all the things Yami does outside of hobbies.
Anyway, what is Dartz doing during all of this?
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After this, Dartz pulls back the literal curtains on this room to reveal these candles that each hold the soul of someone he’s murdered.
There are not NEARLY enough candles for this segment.
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A very brave man to have candles littered on the floor when his hair is down to his ass and all of his mooks have floorduster coats.
I really want to know what the local arts and crafts store thought when Dartz strode in there and bought every single tiny styrafoam skull during the Halloween sale and was like “can I put souls in these? You sell the kind I can put souls in, right?” and then immediately pulled out like a dozen 50% off coupons like a complete asshole.
Anyway, using this candle hocus pocus, Dartz uses the Orichalcos powers to take advantage of something Yugi did in the first episode. We distantly recall there was a giant eyeball in the sky--turns out if you bust up the eyeball with, lets say, a card that has a dragon on it, the eyeball will explode into many tiny Orichalcos pieces that will fall all over planet Earth.
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So apparently Yugi didn’t save anyone at all when he busted that eyeball, because he instead set in motion Dartz’ evil plan to eventually use these many tiny Orichalcos pieces like the one seen here, to kill the hell out of people.
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Good job, Yugi. Too bad you missed the Actual Bakura.
In fact, actual Bakura is probably the only one who survived this incident because I guarantee that Ryou Bakura is too busy eating all the contents of his fridge out of stress. He’s probably opened his window at this point, seen the crazy lights in the sky and in the street and was like  “Blooooooody nope nopenopenopenopenope” and just locked the windows and doors, turned up Hercule Poirot to max volume, and stuffed his face with cookies.
(Or biscuits, I guess.)
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WELL.
I don’t know how to tally that.
Yugioh not only broke the tally I was using to measure the distance they spent commuting this season, it also broke the tally on the amount of people who have died on this children’s show.
That’s a really big number.
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We’ve had real duel monsters for a couple weeks but youknow...this time they’re extra, extra, extra real. More so than the last times. Also they’re all Orichalcos versions of their cards so their extra edge now. They’re the hot topic versions of what were already pretty hot-topic ass cards.
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MMM. We come full circle, back at a dock, a warehouse, and some huge ass boat.
Right where we belong. Where all friends meet, where we can all finally be one.
Yugioh found one of the only cities that has a very famous and tourist heavy pier/warehouse district in it just so the Yugi gang could finally feel comfortable in their natural habitat. HOWEVER, there’s just one tiny problem in this scene, and it’s that it’s not overlaid with the actual soundscape of a SF pier, which is that of 100000 screaming seals
youtube
I don’t have a seal problem, you have a seal problem.
Anyway, the only healthy adults here attempt to follow the children into danger but someone on the animation team was like “we just lost the keyboard drawing guy to that capslock! We cannot lose any more interns to a crowd scene with 9 people in it and 2 dead bodies!” and they uh...
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And we immediately eject Roland and whoever that weird sunglasses guy is out of the script. Mokuba gave them a longing glance as they helicoptered away. Maybe because he missed his Dad stand-ins that he went through such efforts to call in the first place. Or more likely, because Mokuba would have preferred to be on that helicopter and far away from whatever the hell is going to go down on this dock.
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Honestly the rest of Joey’s storyline this episode is him going rogue because of Mai rage, and it both comes out of nowhere and also seems very on point for him.
Meanwhile, Rebecca’s unbridled rage towards Yami Muto is still low key hilarious to me.
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Witness the only character here who thinks Yami should suffer actual consequences and witness Yami just appear to not give a single damn about it.
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Nearly spat out my own drink watching this.
The...
...police...
...exist in this universe?
Anyway, while Tristan and Tea try to locate a payphone to dial 911, Seto and Yugi decide to invade Seto’s own company by going through an elevator that you have to reach through the sewers.
Straight up I don’t think SF even has sewers. At least, not in the sense that you can walk in em like New York or Paris or other cities that have sewers. Our sewer systems are very small cuz we got something called “liquefaction” which means our ground is so soft (and artificial--a lot of the land is fake), that when there is an earthquake, certain parts of the city will...liquefy. It’s Terrifying. We kind of...avoid going and building underground except in certain stable places. (like even BART gives me the heebies.)
I just have a very strong distrust of basements, caves and other underground places in general and it’s not because of spiders, or ghosts or whatever, I’m just afraid of faultlines. It’s like having an active volcano, but you just don’t see it, and we haven’t had a Big One since 1989 so...any day now (I mean, 2020 has been such redic content, that I think we’re finally ready)
Again, Japan has way more intense Earthquakes than we do, and yet they have a billion underground subways and very, very tall buildings, so like, this is mostly a big cultural difference between the two of us. And the bedrock. They probably have better bedrock than we do (honestly, I just have no idea).
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MASTER HACKER SKILLS.
Almost as good as that time he hacked into Pegasus’ company by dropping a satellite on it. I’m starting to think Seto actually doesn’t know how to use a computer.
Anyway, Seto is faced with...real cards, real monsters, indisputable evidence, and he decides, it’s time. It’s time to finally face facts.
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So, while these two are just flinging cards around willy nilly, Tea and Tristan are ...actually talking to police.
4 seasons. They’re actually doing it.
Although, TBH, they probably should have gone to the Japanese Embassy first? Just throwing that out there.
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Ah Yugioh, the only kids show around that tells you point blank not to trust cops. Timeless.
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U.S
In some weird underground earthquake hazard, Rebecca proves that she is smarter than Seto Kaiba. She’s maybe even the smartest person on this show. Nice that we gave her nothing to do this season but pine over Yugi who is already taken by Tea who he is also not even dating.
Not that I love Rebecca or anything, I actually have a hard time with her voice, but like...they really dropped the ball on Rebecca.
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If she does end up joining Kaiba corp as their back up Felicity Smoak while Seto just runs around aimlessly punching stuff that really is just offbrand Arrow but with cards. And with slightly less resurrections.
So, lets get a gander at that computer.
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We didn’t get to see Kaiba pull out 12 other discs to complete the installation process for these all these Hard Discs. Maybe the lure of throwing a very aerodynamic CD across the room like a paper card was so strong that his dev team forced him to switch to these defunct squares?
PS, I am a true millennial, OK? But, I don’t remember Hard Discs.
Hard Discs were SO long go. I stopped using these damn things in Elementary school. The last Hard Disc I ever touched was in college, when I had to put my art portfolio on a disc to submit it to my degree. I don't know even why. Everyone had a mac, so I knew no one’s computer in the department even...HAD a disc drive so it was like...whomst among you has this damn computer from 1997? Whomst among you is still using Windows 95? WHY would I put IMAGES on a floppy when I can just email them to you?
Anyway, I had to get a USB hard disc reader, and to get that reader, I had to call my Dad who had legacy software because he’s a computer engineer, and he had to mail it to me.
In that same portfolio review, PS, I also had to submit my portfolio as slides.
I didn’t even know where to produce slides so I had to ask all these old people and go to the last photo processing store on earth to get digital pictures turned into negatives and then turned into freakin slides.
SLIDES.
I honestly think they just did that to weed people out of the art degree.
Anyway, I tell you this story just to say that there is no way in hell that Kaiba was using a hard disc during the height of the CD era. We were CD or go home since 2000. We had pretty decent jump drives at this point. We had wifi. It was realllly bad wifi, but we had it. Your phone could connect to the internet. It would charge you 50 bucks, but it COULD connect.
Who on the Yugioh team DID this?
Anyway lets see these pictures that for which, we spent thousands of dollars in unused plane tickets, destroyed a Caltrain, killed 2 ancient Atlanteans (and their dog), killed 3 random mid-villains, walked across the entire Peninsula, crashed an international plane, and left both the plane and the train to rot gas fuel into the nearest lake which is right next to a ghost graveyard?
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Yeaaaaaaaaaah!
Like he reads it and is all “They’re gonna resurrect Atlantis” and it’s like WE KNOW. Dartz and his hooligans have talked about starting their Utopia to reboot the world since Gurimo. Since Day 1.
Man.
Anyways, there was one plus to the pictures, and it was that Seto Kaiba recognized the Oricalchos logo.
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just...
The Oricalchos logo is...
...This logo, Seto?
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You...didn’t recognize...seriously? Not until just now? You have been inside of this logo, rearing to lose your soul to Alister 2 times, and he only recognized it...just now.
I mean Seto takes a while y’all. He’s a genius, but his memory is so, so bad, that he will Eventually get smart, but you have to wait until like episode 24. But he’ll get there. Just gotta be patient.
And, when he saw it, he wigged out in a way I wasn’t prepared for.
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Y’all I feel like I’ve seen to many weird zooms on Kaiba’s crotch in this show. Or just in life in general, especially after that surprise fic. That’s all.
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I don’t know why everything exploded, but maybe the logo is cursed in the same way as God Cards? I dunno.
Anyway, this is when Dartz shows up with his brand new dog.
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So they run outside onto the roof.
Now listen, does every Kaiba Corp building need the same weird ass roof? Is it like a McDonalds?
Because I’m just picturing this type of roof in SF and I’m having a time.
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Forgive me if I made this lemming joke already. He’s just stood on a cliff’s edge so many times I can’t keep up.
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RIP Dragon Jet, who took us from S3-S4, you’ll always live on in our memory, you glorious, wasteful, beautiful death trap.
Seto and Yugi are fine by the way, they just kinda jumped out, as you do when you’re an immortal god possessing a small boy and a...whatever the hell Seto is.
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It’s at this point we reintroduce Valon because Joey went rogue and has decided to take on Dartz by himself. This is what happens when Tristan leaves the party. You always need Tristan to hold back Joey by his armpits to keep him from fighting random people.
So I guess Valon’s gonna die next episode. That’ll be nice.
What’s great about this show is each arc is just watching each villain die. You know they’ll die. But...how much?
Anyway, that’s all for today. I’m still drawing a hell ton of stuff so I don’t know when the next update will be...but just now I haven’t dropped off or something. I’ll...eventually get to it.
And if you just got here, this is a link to read all of these in chrono order.
Anyway, I mentioned Hercule Poirot, (because watching a hell ton of BBC was how I spent time with my family when I was a kid, and my very Southern Grandma freakin LOVED Hercule Poirot) So here is the best subplot of that show, which is David Suchet eating stuff.
And which doesn’t want to embed for some reason. Probs can’t embed more than one video https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=17antzzJrzQ
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taladean · 3 years
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Social Media Experiment
My social media log showed that in 24 hours I spent on average 28 minutes a day (Friday) on a social media app. Meaning that on Twitter, Snapchat, TikTok, Facebook, Instagram, YouTube, Tumblr, VSCO, and Spotify I spend on average about 28 minutes a day on each app. My daily screen time average on my phone is 4hr and 45 minutes. This includes all my social media apps, Facetime, Texting, and pretty much whenever I unlock my phone. On that Friday I picked up my phone about 49 times. Meaning that I interacted with my phone 49 times, this could be the number of times I picked up my phone, unlocked it, used Siri...etc.  I also recorded the number of posts I posted that day. I posted at least 3 Snapchat stories, but I did not count the snaps I sent to people individually. On that day I sent around 30 texts, I did not count the texts that I received, and I did not post on any other social media accounts that day.
During my social media log day, I realized that I spent most of my time on social media apps right before bed and also right when I wake up in the morning. The mornings and the evenings are when my screen time goes up immensely. Based on this information I decided that I would create an experiment that would alter my social media use significantly during the mornings and evenings. The experiment that I conducted was over a 24-hour period. Before I went to sleep the night before my experiment, I turned off all my notifications for all of my social media apps. I also set up time limits for app use. I set a time limit of 14 minutes for each social media app; this is half the time that I spent on average for each social media app on Friday (social media log day). During this experiment I allowed myself to only respond to people that needed a response immediately. If it was not an urgent message I waited until the next day to respond.
The results of my experiment:
·       The total amount of time I spent on my social media apps on that day was: 2 hours and 6 minutes.
·       My total screen time: 3 hours and 5 minutes.
·       Total pickups: 30
·       Total posts: I did not post anything on social media that day and only sent 5 texts.
Instead of going on my phone in the morning I did some yoga and completed homework for my classes. During the day I was pretty busy and so I really didn’t have a chance to be tempted by my phone. The most difficult time of the day was in the evening from 5 -9 pm. However, instead of giving in to the temptation, I hung out with my roommate and we played board games. Because I put a limit on my social media use my screen time, total posts and total pickups went down significantly. At the end of the day, I realized that I was much more productive, and I was able to go to sleep earlier rather than staying up late and catching up on classwork. This experiment taught me that social media decreases my productivity and if I limited my use of social media then I would have more time to do things that I enjoyed. I plan on limiting my app use at least once a week from here on out. I was very pleased with the results and I think in the long run it will benefit me.  
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espanadiarywriter · 4 years
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The sky is falling
I’ve had one glass of wine and the sky is orange, so I thought it was a good time to write a blog. In western Oregon, by September it is typically cooler and starting to feel like the rain is coming soon. Often I’m already in hoodies and jeans by now. But not this year. It’s September and we are in the middle of a week of crazy hot weather.
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Last weekend, I dropped a crew off to float the irrigation canal that runs next to the mountain house. Remarkably, we’ve never done that before—although we have had renters talk about it in the guest book. It takes about an hour and a half of sitting in an uncomfortable tube and involves cold water, so I’m out. But I had a blissfully quiet house for an hour.
We have survived the first few days of “soft start” virtual school, which was really all orientation and figuring out which platform to go to for which teacher (i.e., Zoom or Google or Canvas). Who knew schooling would evolve into a frantic search for the right link to get to class. And just when he had figured out how to get through the halls to class on time. But it’s good that they don’t have real content in class yet, until the kids know how to log in to each platform consistently. And I’m pretty proud that I have stopped calling it “fake school”. Let’s give us a fighting chance to learn something this year.
Still I spent an hour yesterday on tech support in between work Skype and Zoom calls. We couldn’t figure out how to turn in an assignment because the “Submit’ button did not work. My real problem is that they keep scheduling the library book drop off for days when I have back-to-back meetings. Can’t they just put out a drop box like at the public library?
It’s still amazing to me that it has come to this. All because of the America myth of ‘individualism’ and that’s why people can’t wear masks? Because politicians cannot get elected on platforms and have to use fear and conflict? Because Americans think they are invincible? None of it makes sense. (I mean, it’s predictable, but doesn’t make sense.) Especially that people are not holding their leadership accountable for so many people dying. I don’t know about other people, but I will occasionally get this shattered feeling when I see something mundane that is now empty or closed, or when I see people on the street in masks because it’s the new normal.
I feel like everyone has a slightly different definition of how they are being “COVID careful”. Some people are flying again. Some people won’t get on a plane for another year. Some people won’t even leave their house. Others are seeing people outside only, or inside with masks, or after a test. Others are just avoiding crowded places or public places entirely but seeing friends in small groups. And of course there is the whole segment of the population who doesn’t even believe they can catch it and is completely acting like everything is normal. Preventive health care is difficult even when there is consistent messaging. It’s impossible when no one in leadership cares or is trying to fight a disease.
But here in Oregon we have even bigger problems this week than fake, I mean virtual, school and a raging pandemic. We have fires. BIG fires. They announced on the news there was going to be a “wind event”. What a strange way of warning people of the apocalypse hell scape that is our air right now. What does that even mean? “wind event” (Sing it with me: who’s tripping down the streets of the city? Smiling at everybody she sees. It’s windy.) Not exactly terrifying. But the crazy firestorm that is Oregon this week, that’s terrifying. It’s really hard to explain how orange and yellow it is outside. Like everything is bathed in an eerie Mars light. And I spent way too long trying to load interactive forest maps to see if my co-workers might be losing their houses as we speak. (They are evacuated or on standby.)
Part of the issue is the wind is blowing backwards from the direction it typically blows. (It is #2020 after all.) See, normally, the Jet stream brings weather from the ocean inland and the wind blows east. But this week, the wind is blowing with gusts up to 75 miles per hour, east to WEST. Guess where most of the houses are in Oregon? WEST. I just read that in Oregon and Washington 515,000 acres burned in 24 hours. How is that even a thing that can happen?
So we have bigger problems than the Submit button on the homework assignment. I’m frantically worried about people’s houses, the critters wild and domesticated, and not to mention widespread power outages on the first or second week of school for large portions of the state. (Several of our teachers had to go to the near-empty school to have internet access and power today.)
Praying the wind dies down and the sky is blue instead of yellow tomorrow because that will mean people’s houses are safe. But I’m posting this blog as a dispatch from the surface of Mars, because that’s how it feels tonight.
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diveronarpg · 4 years
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Congratulations, LIA! You’ve been accepted for the role of OLIVIA. Admin Julie: It’s always a delight to see you in our inbox, Lia -- imagine our joy when we saw you’d returned to us in the shape of our favorite sparrow, Omi! It’s been some time since we had her in play, which is a shame, because she’s one of our personal favorites. But you’ve pinned everything about Omi down to a T, from their characteristic skill and allure in trapping others with a few words and sharp gaze, to the way they’re wound around Verona’s fingers and don’t seem to realize... or choose not to. You’ve enthralled us once again, and we cannot wait to have you back on the dashboard and knee-deep in the chaos with Omi in your hands. Please review the CHECKLIST and send your account in within 24 hours. 
WELCOME TO THE MOB.
OUT OF CHARACTER
Alias | Lia.
Age | 22
Pronouns | She/Her/Hers
Activity Level | I’m about to start my summer program, but since I’m only in class three days during next semester on online, I imagine I’ll have plenty of freetime. But knowing me, I’ll most likely log on every few days to knock out a few replies.
Timezone | EST (PST in two months (~:)
How did you find the rp?  | The tag a few centuries ago.
Current/Past RP Accounts | honestly, all of my best characters were in DV :/ All 17 of them
IN CHARACTER
Character | Olivia AKA Yamamoto Omi
What drew you to this character? |
Omi is a character I’ve eyeballed during my time at DV, but someone I’ve never quite had the nerve to apply for. But it is the qualities that I initially shied away from that have inspired me to apply for them this time around. Even upon searching the origin of Omi’s name, I was fascinated by the worldliness and elusiveness it implied about their character.  I came across two definitions, both of which I believe represented her character accurately:
1. OMI— magnificent; the sound of the universe
She is a walking contradiction— the product of love and violence— never truly lacking in either aspect within her lifetime. Maybe that is why she finally found community and comfort within Verona after venturing all over the world. As much as she might hate to admit, this very love and violence is what she’s comfortable with— it’s how she’s learned to thrive and survive. Though they never truly felt like themselves as they ventured around the world, they kept small pieces of each place they visited, all of which have made them into the Sparrow, the performer, that they are today. This is why I began viewing Omi as the sound of the universe. Vast and immeasurable, and not quite able to pinpoint to a single source. She is representative of an assembly of realities. She is never quite the same with each person she encounters, with them only receiving a snapshot or illustration of who she is, with the people she’s closest to receiving the most authentic parts of herself. To be a Sparrow is to participate— in Omi’s opinion— in one of the most precise crafts— an art form that only a select number can master. It is a performance, one in which they give their entirety to, oftentimes to the point that they sense themself slipping away, forgoing what they thought to be their true self and instead opting for the persona they have created. Somehow, being Omi the Sparrow is a far less difficult reality for her to face. What is expected of her is straightforward, her desires and fulfillment never changing very much. Omi the Sparrow always gets what she wants. Their heart is unbreakable, yet shared with everyone they encounter. The power and agency can be detected in her words, her mannerisms— she is completely sure of herself, and what she represents. But Omi— just plain Omi, questions herself constantly. She desires to be seen more than anything but is hesitant to show herself to another person. The weight of the secrets of others sometimes threatens to topple her over. What would their patrons think of their constant doubt? This was something they would never discover because she values her position more than she doubts herself. She loves luxury and security more than she questions who she is and who she’s become. She thrives in this simplistic power far more than she finds herself succumbing to it. And this leads me to what I love most about Omi. Her position allows her to wield a form of power that isn’t flashy or overt, or as obvious and clear cut as many people within the mob. It is subtle and it is dangerous. It is a power you least expect, which will certainly make her someone to look out for within the Verona. It is a power that she does not quite comprehend the magnitude and weight of as of now, but something I hope to develop over time.
What is a future plot idea you have in mind for the character? |
MONA— Their saving grace. There are seldom things Mona could do that would lessen the admiration that Omi holds for her, as this is the woman who they believed to have saved them, to introduce them to the boundless and limitless potential that they had. She did not introduce anything that was not there but instead nurtured the qualities that Omi already possessed for her to become one of the best, if not the best Sparrow that has glided through the various rooms and crannies of The Dark Lady thus far. Omi looks upon Mona as a big sister and is always aiming to please her, whether she recognizes that she’s actively doing so or not. But she is bound to cross her eventually— whether it is slight or monumental, and I believe Omi temporarily or permanently (dear lord idk if I could handle Mona not loving them pls sotkgoerkgose) falling from their grace would be an interesting concept to explore. So much of her existence is tied to Mona’s, and I think that it would take something like that occurring for her to recognize this. Who exactly would she be without Mona rescuing her? Would she have survived a day in the city without her? Having Omi deal with being without Mona would introduce some harsh truths. Could they truly rely on themself? Though she adamantly expresses her desire not to be possessed, is it that she truly enjoys being subjected to the whims of another person, so as long she is given the autonomy, luxury, and ability to wield some form of power? Would she simply be transferred from the hands of one power player to another, seeking out one of the mobs knowing they were the only other people who could give her what she truly desired?
FRIENDS ON THE OTHER SIDE— In the short time that Omi has spent in Verona, she’s acquired quite a few patrons from various walks of Veronesi royalty, but as much as she’s done her best to keep people at a distance, she’s also made a few friends. Chiko— whose hopes and dreams she’s carried with her since childhood— with them being one of the sole people to know Omi to near entirety. Felipe— the man who made her realize that even ghosts were capable of creating trouble for themselves, who she’d dared to offer real information about herself for whatever reason, finding something odd and compelling about the handsome enigma before her. Calina— their true match of wits, words, and worldliness— the person in which she’s entrusted with not just her fears and shortcomings, but her hopes and dreams, as well as them being that very person to set her heart aflutter. All of these people have something in common. In some shape or form, they are familiar with more than just Omi the Sparrow. I wonder what danger this could pose for her in the future. Would it be the person they are in essence that would land her in trouble? Chiko, the ruthless social climber, Felipe, who they knew trouble was always a short distance behind, and Calina, whose ties with the mob could only naturally come with trouble… couldn’t they? I want Omi to eventually land in some more trouble (maybe this could be something intertwined with my first plot, or potentially something entirely unrelated), and truly test how far she’s willing to go for the friendships she hopes to keep. Maybe it has to do with some information told to her in confidence; information she almost feels obligated to share with Mona. Will she refuse to do so, at the risk of the life and livelihood that she’s created for herself?
LOOSE ENDS— The past will always be the past for Omi— unless that past happened to make an appearance in the city of Verona. This isn’t something they would expect to occur, given that they have two dead parents, no siblings, or any known extended family. Maybe this would come in the form of Chiko— maybe some other unknown source would manage to dig up some sort of information to potentially be used against them. Regardless, I want Omi to be confronted with her past life, and for her to realize that the horror will always be apart of her, no matter how long that she’s attempted to evade it.
Are you comfortable with killing off your character? | Yes, but I think I would miss her more than any of my other characters ngl :(
IN DEPTH
In-Character Para Sample:
tw: mentions of death and violence
In The Dark Lady, Omi transformed into a blossom tinted mirror in which men and women alike looked upon in order to divest the realities they so desired. This functioned the similarity to a rose-tinted glass, their very persona the result of a thousand borrowed realities. In Omi, they sought the best version of themselves. They had the ability to morph into everything their patrons wanted, yet could not own, making them all the more desirable. There was something especially tantalizing about what appeared to be accessible, but ever so slightly out of a person’s reach. Even if the reality of things were that there was no chance in hell. Even if there had been a burgeoning disgust for each and every one of the wealthy, and corrupt person they encountered. Even if she’d been unable to scour away their caress no matter how many showers she subjected herself to in the early hours of the morning. How effortlessly she’d sold them a dream. How effortlessly they’d become enamored with The Dark Lady’s very own Japanese Cherry Blossom, a hand-picked artifact from Sakura to enjoy in their very own Verona. She bartered away a fantasy, and in exchange they fed her in secrets, each whisper only intensifying her power and allure. No amount of repulsion would change that they were damn good at their job. No amount of repulsion would change that she’d finally found where they’d belong.
They were notorious for their collection of extremely high heels, and rumor had it that not even a misstep had occurred in a single pair of them. Eyes danced over her as she glided into the casino, garnering an especially large crowd probably because of the fresh pixie cut she’d been sporting. Some days, Omi would linger, never quite sure whose attention she’d capture that day, but on other days, her presence had been requested by a specific patron. Today’s patron had been of particular importance. A well known Italian bureaucrat she’d actually managed to find rather endearing at times, despite her suspicion that he’d been spending more time with her than his own family. Nevermind that though. They had a sneaking suspicion that they were only moments away from stumbling upon a goldmine of information. They reckoned that this particular information could potentially make not just Mona, but both mobs particularly happy. Soon as they’d reached the Blackjack table, the patron, Patron E, swept her merrily into his arms, spinning her in place, resulting in her delighted laughter, clutching onto his shoulders to maintain her balance. Once he’d gotten his fill, she carefully placed a single kiss on each of his cheeks, taking in the scent of whiskey on his lips. No wonder he’d been especially playful. The whiskey had only begun their job for them. “Why, if it isn’t the most lovely person in all of Verona,” Patron E stated, grinning ear to ear. “I absolutely adored your old hair, bella, but with this cut, you somehow managed to become even more magnificent."
She smiles coyly, hands traveling down the lengths of his arms until meeting his hands, which he brought promptly to his lips for a kiss. "I was feeling spontaneous, E, but knowing you like it lifted a significant weight off my shoulder. Everyone else’s opinion be damned, but yours has always meant the world to me,” they coo in flawless Italian. “Is there anything else you noticed?"
His eyes drank her in hungrily, almost hungrier than usual, before returning to her eye level. "You’re wearing my good luck charm,” he responded with an almost childlike euphoria. Patron E had been referring to the deep V-Neck Dolce & Gabbana gown that had been purchased for her by another Patron of hers— Q— with the jet black of her hair only accentuating the Black sequins of the gown. She took it upon herself to take his hand and lift it above the both of them, completing a graceful, yet playful twirl to show off every sparkle and curve of the length of her body.
“Is that so?” she mused with her head tilted curiously on an axis. “It’s almost as if I wore especially for you, mio callo. You did tell me tonight was a big night for you, after all.”  His eyes twinkled gratefully as he pulled out a seat for her at the blackjack table, settling into the seat next to him, her body positioned perpendicularly to his, taking absolutely no interest in the game before them. It had been a game she’d witnessed by the side of many men before him and would witness many men after him. Her knees were pressed against his thigh, with the leg closest to the table occasionally finding itself absentmindedly caressing his own. One hand consistently remained attached his shoulder, with their other hand assisting them in the delivery of their sweet nothings, cupping his ear to whisper everything he’d ever wished to discover. Together they laughed, flirted, and whispered— he drank and she carefully sipped, until the game finally came to a close, with him losing per usual. After that, the pair of them moved to a more intimate section of The Dark Lady, the place in which Omi would officially make her move for the information she sought. There he sat on the couch, with her comfortably positioned horizontally in his lap, her slender legs coiled around her legs, with her hand absentmindedly stroking his hair. She’d been telling him some story she’d invented ages ago, half-truths tumbling effortlessly from her lips as she illustrated her last days in Sakura. Once she was done, she began studying his features intently.
“See anything you like?” he asks her quietly, and she cups his chin before deciding he’d been worthy of an answer.
“I see something I like, but something different,” she began with faux perplexion. “Even beneath this red light, I can sense the excitement almost vibrating off of you. “It suits you. I wish you were always this happy when you saw me. Far less tense than usual.”
“Now, Omi, you know I feel most like myself when I’m with you. You always receive the best parts of me,” he says seriously as his hand cups her wrist. “But, to tell you the truth, I’ve come across some very good fortune. A good fortune that I believe will alter the trajectory of my life. I’ve struck a life-changing deal.”
“That’s amazing! I couldn’t be happier for you!” she exclaims softly, before falling into a demure pout. “This… deal won’t take you away from me now, will it?”
He chuckles at her pout as if him parting from her would truly be the most unfortunate occurrence in her 30 years of life. “Don’t you worry your pretty little head about a thing, Tesoro. The deal I’ve made has allowed me to acquire a large sum of money. And I have no plans of parting from you anytime soon.”
She smiles gratefully, yet sadly as if she can’t believe it. He looks at her, searching for an answer to her sadness. “What is it, il mio amore? Why do you look so blue?”
At that moment— the slightest pang of sadness sped through her. How effortlessly he had succumbed to her charm, to the point that she’d almost felt bad for the fool. “Well… the way you aren’t giving much information about the deal is only forcing me to draw my own conclusions. Ones in which I can’t help but assume that you’ve been put in a dangerous predicament, which is stopping you from telling because you’re afraid to get me into trouble.” He drew her closely, placing a soft kiss on each of her temples, then her forehead, then her lips.
“I wouldn’t let them harm a hair on your head, Omi. I hope you know that I mean that.” She resisted chuckling. She’d been nearly divinely protected. If anything it was him who wouldn’t be able to harm a hair on her head.
“Is this them you speak of…” she looks around carefully, knowing there was no one near, but doing it as if to accentuate her supposed fear. “The government…?” she offers him, and when he does not react, she places a long, lacquered pinky nail upon her lip. “Don’t tell me you’ve gotten yourself mixed up with one of the mobs, E—”
“Mixed up with the mobs?” he interrupts with a haughty chuckle. “Why, they’ve gotten themselves mixed up with me, dearest Omi. Sooner rather than later, both the Capulets and the Montagues will be feeding out of the palm of my hand.” How drunk had the man had to have been to have confessed such a silly sentiment? Or was it not the liquor at all, and simply Omi bearing witness to the limitless bounds of the male ego? Probably a mixture of both.
She shoves his shoulder gently, feigning shock. “You’ve either done something insanely brilliant or incredibly stupid. But I’ve always known you to be far too clever for the latter.”
With each curious caress, they’d managed to extract more and more information from their subject, his ego centering itself above all else— even his desire to live. He had to have known that, hadn’t he? Or had he simply been too foolish to even consider the danger he’d been putting himself in by leaving every detail of his plan upon Omi’s lips? How foolish he had beenShe shoves his shoulder gently, feigning shock. “You’ve either done something insanely brilliant or incredibly stupid. But I’ve always known you to be far too clever for the latter.”
“Someday…” he slurs, faced resting comfortably on her chest as she stroked the top of his head, his arms wrapped lovingly around her waist. “I’m gonna whisk you away. And just like that, you’ll be mine. Forever and always.”
Omi chuckles at this sentiment— ones she’s heard nearly a dozen times before. She’d had no desire to be one of his pretty things, not by him or any other person in this world for that matter.
“Why, E— I know if that were to occur, you’d be doomed to break my heart.” “Omi, you can’t truly believe that now… can you?” he says tilting his head upwards until their lips are only mere inches apart.
“I’m afraid I do, mi caro. Because the moment in which the magic begins to dwindle from your eyes when you look at me is the moment my heart is sure to break. I know that if we continue our occasional rendezvous that I’ll continue to be the loveliest I could be in your eyes. Oh— and I’m a terribly loud snorer. You wouldn’t sleep a minute in my presence.”
That had been enough to satisfy him, if only for a single moment. The very thought of him truly breaking her heart had been absurd, but the very thought of the blossom mirror cracking, the idea of her carefully constructed persona being exposed for being exactly that, alarmed her. Anything short of near perfection was unacceptable. She owed her to that and Mona. It would be at that moment that Omi would understand that she was no longer as good at her job as she needed to be. Surely that would not leave them desolate, they would still be a top-performing Sparrow after all. But they would no longer be the best, and no man or woman would ever take that away from them. Even if they meant keeping the majority of the world at a safe distance. Not when they’d finally found their people. Not when they’d finally answered their calling. Not when Verona was finally starting to feel like home.
Little did she know that this would be the last time she’d ever see Patron E. Just as she’d suspected, the information had been of immense value. Her reputation as the top Sparrow only increased tenfold, and she remained in Mona’s good graces, never tiring of her constant praise and doting. Word of his death returned to them from another one of their patrons even before it appeared even in the papers. Omi couldn’t help but feel a pang of sadness for his widow and children. No woman and family should have their livelihood threatened by the likes of a stupid, stupid, stupid man.
She did not wear Q’s dress after that day. When she asked about it the next time he saw her, she began whispering a delightful tale about how her suitcase had mysteriously wound up missing upon returning from a brief trip to Paris, knowing she’d wind up with a new one before the conversation concluded…
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simplicitydefined · 5 years
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Liar.
I find it hilarious that I spend so much time trying to teach my son not to lie when I am constantly and consistently lying to others. Clients mostly. I hate being wrong, making mistakes, and feeling bad. I hate all of the negative things in life. I hate sadness, anger, disappointment, rejection. I hate them and they creep under my skin when I experience them. I don’t know how to get rid of the feelings. Often just feeling bad feelings will make me spiral into suicidal thoughts. I know it’s irrational. I know it doesn’t make sense. Everyone everywhere is experiencing good and bad things. I can’t live a life of only happiness. There is no good without the bad. I have to learn how to cope with the bad things better. 
Yesterday, a design I created was rejected. I actually didn’t feel bad about it. I have been doing so much work for them, and gotten amazing feedback, so I chalked it up as a shoot and a miss. I’ve got other work on the pipeline I have to complete anyway. But Shakeyla was in my messages like, I’m going to call you. Send me what you sent her. I’m like... okay? If she doesn’t like it, I can’t make them like it. I also sent it early as a favor because she wanted it in the meeting, so it needed time to be tweaked. I thought that because the deadline was the 15th that I’d just get a “meh, we’re not feeling that” and a “send me another idea tomorrow” and most importantly, “XYZ is what we didn’t like about that design, can you just remove these things?” But having a project taken off of my list was actually rather freeing. I still have the annual report edits and some ads to do, plus the design for a big barber expo on December 8th. I’m good. Or as the kids say “I’m Gucci.” 
I’m on the phone with her now, and I wonder why this is a big deal. I spent last night thinking it through and again, I’m not upset. I’m actually okay with not getting this account because I don’t like being emotionally invested in accounts. They are seasonal, and they ebb and flow. I mean, I like money but who wants to be stressed out 24/7? 
----
I just finished an hour log crying phone call with Shakeyla. It wasn’t because the art was bad, but because she disparaged my name in a meeting. I was so surprised and taken aback (and I’m also stupid sick today) I just broke down. Basically, she didn’t like the design and instead of telling me, or tabling it for that meeting, she told the committee she was disappointed that this is what I came up with after a month. No one liked it, and that’s fine, but for her to throw me under the bus was unacceptable. 
I’ve sat with this feeling for a while and I am no longer upset. Some people live by a rule of self-preservation. I do at times. She also chose to vent to Shakeyla about issues she had with me, but it wasn’t meant for me to know. She actually made a point not to say mean things to me and instead just shift focus to the next task. What I can do instead, since I now have this knowledge is to better myself and work harder. Or as hard as I can. 
I did realize that I’m dealing with past trauma here. I never felt heard before, and I had to fight and scream and claw my way to be heard. I felt labeled and misunderstood at home, school, and because I’m black out in the world. I spent 35 years thinking I was ugly because I only got bad feedback. I keep wanting to prove to people that I am good. Look at me, I am the good guy! I know all the right things to say, I have all the answers. I am beyond talented. LOOK AT ME!
I’m embracing that I can be wrong. I can make mistakes, I can mess up. It doesn’t kill me and gives me an opportunity to do better. This is not the response I would have had years ago at the Holiday Inn. Because they were just horrible and wrong. They’re overall terribleness trumped my mistakes so they should never say anything to me. This doesn’t work in real life. It didn’t work then. I had a support circle in the office that had my back 100% against those that came against me, but they didn’t help me grow. I just suffered and lost hair trying to prove I was great. 
I’m not perfect. I fail every day. Today I failed my kids because I was sick. I was less attentive, less prepared, and I expected them to just roll with the punches. I didn’t change Orion’s diaper until like 2pm. There is laundry everywhere. There are noodles and oranges everywhere. I literally would have just fed them oranges because I just did not want to cook. I did make them a healthy late lunch thanks to Marcos making soup the night before. I could only drink the broth. I need to get tickets in for Broin by Friday and it’s Wednesday night. I haven’t done any homework in 2 weeks in an 8-week course. I haven’t paid 4imprint. I have to order name badges but I’m scared I don’t have the money. I have to order the retractable for Broin and ship it to him. I have to ship the box of business cards to him. I’m not prepared for Phyliss’s class. 
Actually, that list is a lot shorter than before. I can do this. I can make a difference and move forward. I’m going to look up an option to get him tickets now and order them. I’m also going to order the name badges because not ordering them facilitates a lack mentality. I can get what I need to be done, done and I can do what’s asked of me. 
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kimnamjooonz · 6 years
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Blank Space - Episode 2.
‘’Look what you made me do 
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Second episode of this.... fictional work. 
Songs used in this Episode:
Look What You Made Me Do - Taylor Swift 
Change - Taylor Swift 
I’m A Mess - Bebe Rexha 
‘’But I got harder I got smarter with the nick of time, baby I rose up from the dead, I do it all the time’’
Amanda and Taylor arrived at King's Cross station in very different states of mind. Taylor was looking fresh, ready to start the day while Amanda even though her make up and clothes were flawless, looked sleep deprived and annoyed. She had eaten all the food that Clint had given her in Cardiff but she was still hungry. To make things worse for Amanda, the day was pretty hot and was making her head hurt. And also Taylor was completely into the role of Amanda's agent/manager/mum and was keeping her under close watch. She had confiscated Amanda's phone as the last thing she needed was her protegee getting upset over that insanity of Sebastian Stan dating someone. Who even cared about that? Well, apparently Amanda, judging by her whole sleepless night listing to Beyonce's revenge songs probably imagining that she hit Stan with a baseball bat. Even though Taylor was just a couple of months older than Amanda, she was a lot more emotionally mature. She had been in an stable relationship for months, unlike Amanda, who didn't even try to make this a reality. If Amanda Ward-Prowse was obsessed with something, it was acting and she spent all of her free time perfecting her craft, dedicating only one night a week to go out with Taylor. That was why Sebastian Stan was the perfect man for her: he didn't know she existed, he didn't waste her precious time like a real boyfriend would do and he was a sort of a motivation for her. He was just the object of Amanda's affection. Both girls knew London pretty well as they've been there quite often in the last months thanks to Amanda's auditions. They stopped to eat something before making their way to the hotel, that was in Greenwich, a bit far away from where they were but it was one of the few places that wasn't so pricey and was quite nice. ''I still have no idea how can you climb stairs with those heels of yours'' said Taylor with admiration. ''Years of practice, pain and injuries. Now I can even run with heels'' Amanda had a self sufficient smile on her face.
Only when they were at the hotel Amanda noticed how tired she was. She threw herself on the bed, kicking her heels away. Taylor was in the bathroom so she took advantage of that to get back her phone. She needed to see Twitter to see what the hell was going on with Sebastian. She was about to tap on the blue bird on the screen of her phone with her pointy finger when she had  it taken away by Taylor, who tapped something on the screen and put it back in her purse before Amanda could complain. ''Before you say anything...'' Taylor warned her. ''I logged you out of Twitter and you're not logging in after your audition tomorrow.'' ''What was that for?'' Amanda was a bit annoyed. ''You're not spending another sleepless night stalking Sebastian Stan's love life.'' Amanda had the decency of looking confused. Any person that wasn't Taylor would have believed that she truly had no intention of doing exactly that. But Taylor knew her too well. ''Taylor! I was not going to do that! I don't even care about it... how can you even think of that? Sebastian is just someone I truly admire.'' she said with a conviction that was truly believable. ''I was going to see if I had any notifications.'' ''Amanda, you have a fan account. What notifications aren't you expecting to get that are not related to that guy?'' Amanda didn't have any explanation so she just sulked. ''Okay, you win. For the last time'' If there was something Amanda hated with a burning passion was losing. From a card game to her favourite team's football match. That was one of the reasons she was upset about the Sebastian Stan situation: someone else had won his heart even though she had absolutely no say in this. She didn't even know the guy in person, to begin with. ''You have everything ready for tomorrow?'' Taylor asked and Amanda just nodded. In her mind she was planning the audition again and again. But she was confident as she had had the audition planned for months. Amanda fell asleep almost immediately and she had to thank the previous sleepless night for that. She was so tired that there wasn't room for feeling nervous or anxious but the next morning those feelings kicked hard. She was trying to convince herself that even if she didn't make it into the RADA it was not the end of the world and she could audition again next year. But she couldn't lie to herself, she wanted to get into that school more than she'd ever wanted anything. It could be the beginning of a nice career in acting. Taylor tried to make her eat something with little success as Amanda seemed to be completely immersed in what was going to happen in the next few hours. ''Are you ready?'' Taylor asked and Amanda just nodded. They were in complete silence during the whole underground ride. Both of them were nervous: they knew that this was the end of the process, the now or never, the final audition. ''Here we are'' Amanda mumbled to herself when she and Taylor crossed the doors of the giant and imposing building that was the RADA. So many successful people had been exactly in the place she was right then. She could almost see a young Gemma Artenton or Tom Hiddleston being nervous wrecks just as she was right now. There were other auditionees at the place and no one was talking or even glancing at each other. There were limited places (only 14 men and 14 women) so it was natural to see the other as competition and no one really wanted to know against who they were competing. At least Amanda didn't want to. Them both took seats, far apart from anyone. Amanda immediately stood up. ''I need to go to the bathroom.'' Amanda basically ran there and locked the door immediately after getting in. Sorry if someone needed to get in but she needed to be alone and think for a second. And she was convinced that it wasn't the first time that someone had locked themselves in there. It was the RADA after all, full of dramatic people. ''You got this'' she said to herself, looking at her reflection in the mirror. She looked beautiful even if she was paler than death. This time she was not going to be defeated because she was in charge of the result. This was no football match or the Sebastian Stan situation in which she could do nothing about the outcome. She remembered the lyrics of one of her favourite Taylor Swift songs, Change. ''And it's a sad picture, the final blow hits you, somebody else gets what you wanted again, and you know it's all the same, in another time and place, repeating history and you're getting sick of it.'' But not this time. She smiled at her reflection. She wanted a place at the RADA and no one was going to take it from her. She had to laugh at the irony of it all. 24 hours ago she had been listening to Beyonce's Sorry, imagining that she was dedicating it to Sebastian Stan. Now she couldn't care less even though those emotions were going to come in handy for the audition. A little wound in the heart (and her ego) was enough to get extra motivation. Thank you very much, Sebastian. She had to laugh again, remember the next lines of Taylor's Change: ''Because these things will change, can you feel it now? The walls that the put up to hold us back will fall down, it's a revolution, the time will come for us to finally win.'' With much more confidence she left the bathroom.
''Better?'' Taylor asked her when Amanda got back to the seats. ''Yeah. I was having an epiphany.'' Taylor tried not to laugh. She was used to Amanda coming up with the weirder stuff. Like that time when they were twelve years old and Amanda hadn't got the lead role in the school's winter musical and she had tried to jinx the girl who had got the part with a pentagram. It had been a total coincidence that the girl had caught an stomach bug and couldn't do the play, Amanda ended up doing it (and shining) and to put the icing to the cake, a talent agent from the Royal Welsh College Of Music And Drama discovered and invited her to get acting lessons there for the next four summers. At that time Taylor had been totally on Amanda's side because the girl who had originally got the part only got it because she was the daughter of the school's principal, not because she was more talented than Amanda. And she really wasn't. ''You don't need epiphanies to ace this. You're a triple threat, you can act, dance and even sing. You have training and experience. You've got this.'' ''Yeah... but all of this people have training and experience too. Some of them more than me. Never underestimate them. They're here for a reason.'' Amanda looked around for the first time. Everyone there looked nervous, some were rereading their lines, other were praying and just a few were talking to whoever that had accompanied them. ''Do you know the order in which they are calling you all?'' Taylor asked. ''No. But they like to torture us so I guess the order is just random.'' She had just finished saying this when a formal looking woman that Amanda had seen before in the previous auditions, approached the room. ''Hello, people'' no one greeted her back. Everyone was just too nervous to speak. ''The order of today's audition was especially arranged by the examiners. They have their reasons, I suppose. More details will be given to you soon.'' she looked at the list. ''Amanda Ward-Prowse, you go first.'' ''Damn'' she cursed. ''Better first than last'' Taylor whispered. ''Go! You got this.'' Feeling in a sort of daze, Amanda followed the woman. ''There'' the woman pointed to a room and Amanda got in. The thing that surprised her the most was that there were five examiners instead of the usual two she already knew, that luckily were there. Maybe it was like that in the last stage of the auditions. ''Miss Ward-Prowse. You can take a seat. You probably remember us, Edward Branton and Sylvia Smith for the RADA panel of admitions.'' Amanda nodded. They were the ones she knew. ''And this is Katherine Mellows from The Juilliard School in New York...'' he pointed to a middle aged woman who greeted her with a smile. ''Christine Gilbert, a casting director...'' he pointed to an strict looking woman. ''...and Damien Chazelle, a director.'' Amanda thought she had heard that name before but she couldn't picture where. ''Miss Ward-Prowse'' said Sylvia Smith. ''I don't want to put pressure on you but these three people came all the way from New York City just to see you.'' Amanda didn't believe that for a second but she had to admit it was a nice way to make the auditionees work under pressure. Nice one there, RADA. ''I'm honoured'' she just said. ''They want to ask you a couple of things'' said Mrs. Smith. ''Do you mind?'' ''Not at all.'' she said. She wanted to start with her audition but if these people wanted to know more about her training in Cardiff and her experience at the Globe Theatre or in the Royal Shakespeare Company, better for her. ''Your resume says that you started doing summer courses at the Royal Welsh College Of Music and Drama at just twelve years old.'' said Mrs. Mellows and Amanda nodded. ''Impressive. And you've been in numerous Shakespeare plays at the Shakespeare's Globe Theatre since 2010, some minor roles in television and three plays at the Royal Shakespeare Theatre. '' ''Exactly'' that was her favourite story to tell. ''I was Lady Anne in Richard III, Anne Boleyn in Henry VIII and Lady Macbeth in Macbeth.'' she tried to look humble and too proud of herself. Gilbert and Chazelle just looked at each other, as if they were sharing a secret message. ''And you shared the stage with Ian McKellen in Macbeth'' stated Mrs. Mellows. Amanda had no idea how she knew that. That information wasn't in her resume. ''Yes. It was a fantastic experience'' she was being humble again and with great difficulty. Mrs. Gilbert nodded and Chazelle looked impressed. ''That's fantastic'' he said. ''Even I want to work with Ian McKellen. You're really lucky, Miss Ward-Prowse.'' Amanda had no idea of what to say so she was relieved when Mellows started to talk again. ''There were strong rumours of a possible nomination to a Laurence Olivier award for your role as Lady Macbeth.'' This time Amanda was genuinely surprised. She had had no idea about those rumours. She had never read the critics of her performance as back on May 2016 she had been too busy planning how she could get to the Captain America: Civil War premiere to see the actors walking the red carpet and with good luck get Sebastian Stan's autograph. Of course that never happened as the night of the premiere she was on the stage being Lady Macbeth. She was cursing herself for being distracted with Sebastian's beautiful blue eyes and not noticing a possible nomination to a bloody Laurence Olivier. Maybe it was for the best as she hadn't got the nomination after all. ''They were just rumours.'' she said after a long pause. ''I wonder why you're not famous yet'' said Chazelle with admiration in his voice. ''One more question'' this time it was Mrs. Gilbert who spoke. ''If you could choose a dream role in a play, a movie and TV show, which one you chose?'' ''I'd like to be in one of those movies that become modern classics and no one ever forgets. I'd love to lead a movie like that'' she answered and by some reason the five examiners looked content. ''I'd love to play Elphaba Thropp in Wicked and... in TV, I'd love to be the fourteenth Doctor.'' ''So... if it's everything said... let's start with your audition'' said Mrs. Smith. ''What did you chose for the monologue? Classical of contemporary?'' ''Classical'' Amanda had decided to play it safe and do one of her best rehearsed monologues. ''Lady Macbeth Damned Spot from Macbeth. Act 5 Scene 1.'' Smith and Branton smiled at each other. ''I've been waiting to see this for months'' said Mellows with an excited voice. Chazelle clapped a little and smiled. ''Smart girl'' said Gilbert with an smile, knowing that Amanda had done that scene numerous times in the past with a bigger audience than five examiners. All this reactions sparkled Amanda's curiosity but she immediately took it out of her mind. ''Whenever you're ready'' said Branton. She stood up and with confidence walked to the centre of the room. She had done that scene so many times that it was natural to be under Lady Macbeth's skin again. And very relieving. When she ended her monologue she felt a mixture of relief with triumph. She knew she had aced it and judging by the examiner's faces she was not wrong. Damien Chazelle and the woman from Juilliard were not even trying to hide it. Both of them were clapping. The examiners whispered between themselves for a couple of minutes and Amanda stood there, waiting for instructions. ''Okay...'' it was Chazelle who spoke. ''We're going to chance the second part of the audition to something that you'd maybe like. Can you read this?'' he handed her a sheet of paper. ''It's a monologue from a movie that, of course, you don't know. Imagine that you're auditioning for it.'' She started reading, too concentrated to feel intimidated or overwhelmed. There was a whole paragraph explaining the settling of the scene.
New York City, 1985. Young Meredith Hathaway finds herself walking down under the icy rain of New York's winter, frustrated by another failed attempt of having just a little success of Broadway. She wondered if the best thing was to pack her things and go back to her country of origin. She had lost once again and she was tired about everything being so unattainable. At the front of Broadway's most famous theatre she vents out every single one of her feelings.
Amanda almost laughed. She could relate to Meredith Hathaway in so many ways... well, fifteen minutes before the audition she was almost having a breakdown in a bathroom singing Taylor Swift songs in her head. It was more or less the same.   ''I think I got it'' she said with a smile. ''Go ahead'' said Chazelle who, by some reason looked very happy. ''By the way, can you read it with your original Welsh accent? I think that'd go perfect'' the other four nodded and Amanda wondered what was this all about. Not that she cared, she was probably scoring extra points. Amanda took what she could about Meredith Hathaway's and started reading the monologue. The piece of writing was very witty and painful at the same time. Amanda could feel Meredith Hathaway's anger and frustration in those words. She could relate to it and at the same time go and shake Meredith's shoulder and help her to make her dreams come true. Of the whole paragraph the phrase ''It's not the first public breakdown people have seen in New York City'' got stuck in her mind. Playing Meredith Hathaway in a play or in a movie was what Amanda considered a dream role. When she finished the five examiners looked at her with unreadable smiles. ''Okay Miss Ward-Prowse, you finally finished your audition process'' said Mr. Branton. ''We'll call you back in twenty minutes to tell you the result.'' Amanda was more confused than ever. ''But aren't the results given to us in a month via email?'' she asked. ''Change of policy'' said Mrs. Smith. Amanda just nodded and left the room, still confused. The Royal Academy of Dramatic Arts was the most traditionalist place in the world, it was hard to imagine that they were changing the policy from one year to the other. As long as she made it she didn't care about that at all. She found Taylor waiting at the same place she had left her. ''How did it go?'' she asked. Amanda thought about that for a second. ''It went well. Like, really well. But it was weird. There weren't just Smith and Branton, as usual. There was a woman from Juilliard and couple of directors. One of them a casting director. All of them from New York.'' Taylor covered his face with her hands. ''Oh my God, maybe they want you for Broadway!'' Amanda laughed. ''Don't make hyperventilate, Taylor. Just the thought of it its overwhelming. Damn, being on the West End would be a dream, I can't even imagine Broadway.'' ''But what was a woman from Juilliard doing at your audition?'' Taylor was thinking. ''For God's sake, maybe they want you there! Just imagine the RADA and Juilliard fighting for you!' Amanda laughed again. ''That'd be like having Chris Evans and Sebastian Stan fighting for my hand in marriage'' she rolled her eyes. ''I mean, I have some talent but I'm not Meryl Streep. Still... if that were the case, I'd choose the RADA. Yeah, I know that getting into Juilliard is harder than getting into Harvard but... I can't sustain myself in New York, I have no money for that. At least here in London I'm just two hours away from home. By the way, did you know that I almost got a Laurence Olivier nom for Lady Macbeth?'' Taylor almost choked. ''WHAT? I know you were good but... an award.'' ''Well, you're supposed to check on that, you're my agent after all. Anyway, I would have lost against Judi bloody Dench. You know that I hate losing but I wouldn't have minded losing against Dame Judi!'' Taylor suddenly imagined Amanda in the award ceremony pulling a Kanye West and interrupting Dame Judi Dench mid speech stating that it was her who deserved the award. Not that Amanda was capable of doing that as Judi was among the people she absolutely admired. ''I was thinking about inventing that stage name'' Amanda suddenly said. ''Now?'' ''Yeah, you never now what may happen next, God knows I had enough surprises today. I want a name that stands out, something that people will remember.'' Both of them cracked their skulls for five minutes. ''A witch name'' Amanda suddenly said. Taylor didn't question anything. She found the idea a bit insane but all of Amanda's insanities ended up being good ideas after all. She just started looking for witch names in her phone. ''You have Agnes...'' Taylor started reading and didn't look convinced at all. ''...Cerys... Glinda... Lily... Minerva... Morgan Le Fey...'' ''This one'' Amanda almost jumped from the seat. ''It's perfect'' ''Morgan Le Fey?'' Taylor was more lost than ever. ''Just Morgan'' Amanda kept thinking out loud. ''In the legend she was King Arthur's sister and a bloody powerful witch. And she was sort of an antihero, I mean, she wanted to see Arthur's dead body but at the end wants to save him.'' That was the image she wanted to give to the world: someone who trustworthy and nice but also powerful. Someone you didn't want to mess with. Taylor found funny Amanda's interpretation of the character. Of course that she was justifying the villains. ''Amanda, Morgan Le Fey was a villain. She betrayed King Arthur multiple times; fell in love with Lancelot and, as he was in love with Guinivere, she kidnapped him and not once but many times; sent one of her minions to seduce Merlin and steal his powers; exposed Lancelot and Guinivere; made everyone fight each other and only at the end when Arthur was dying she tried to save him. She was responsible for the destruction of the kingdom. She's the root of all evil! Yeah, that kind of fits you. You'll rock the name and make justice to it.'' Part of that rant was just Taylor roasting her friend. But she also knew that Amanda Ward-Prowse was a damn difficult person. She wasn't a goody-two-shoes, kind and humble girl. She was ambitious, had a big ego and could be manipulative if she needed. But that was just her dark side She had many good qualities too. ''I love it, I love it, I love it!'' Amanda started pacing up and down the hall. ''Now I need a last name. Something Welsh.'' Taylor started looking on her phone. ''I guess you want something with a meaning...'' Amanda nodded. ''You should use Llewellyn, that means 'leader' and was the name of several kings, including Llewellyn the Great that was the king of Gwynedd, the county we both come from.'' ''Taylor, you're a genius! 'Leader' has the word 'Lead' in it. Good omen. I love it.'' She kept repeating the name in her mind. Morgan Llewellyn. It had ring that she liked. She was silently clapping like a seal when the formal looking woman that had called her to the audition interrupted her. ''Miss Ward-Prowse, the examiners want to see you.'' With a nervous face, she looked at Taylor and followed the woman. At least she was going to have an answer, she just hoped it was a positive one. The five of them were talking with a more relaxed look than twenty minutes ago. It seemed that the only one that was tense in that room was Amanda. ''Miss Ward-Prowse!'' Chazelle looked absolutely thrilled for something she didn't know. ''Take a seat.'' Amanda sat down and looked at Branton and Smith. Her future depended from their answer. How nice was this. ''And...'' she shyly asked. Sylvia Smith smiled. ''Well... before Edward and I say something I think you need to hear something else. These two...'' she pointed at Chazelle and Christine, the casting director. ''...want to make you an offer I'm sure you won't reject.'' Amanda tried not to freak out. Maybe Taylor was right and they wanted her for Broadway. No, stop. She shouldn't get her hopes up because maybe they wanted her just for a Tesco publicity spot. Not that it was bad. Then she remembered that these people were from New York. Well, maybe it was a Target publicity spot. That wasn't bad at all. She just knew that nothing made sense anymore. ''I don't know from where to start'' said Chazelle, excitedly. ''I talk'' said Mellows, who surprisingly had managed to remain quiet for ten minutes. Amanda still didn't know what was her exact role in this mess but she guessed that the woman was the connection between the directors and the RADA. Somehow Amanda was in the middle of it all and she didn't know why. ''You may have noticed, Miss Ward-Prowse that this wasn't a normal audition. And you're still probably confused about what a woman from Juilliard, a C.D and the director of La La Land were doing at your audition.'' Amanda almost fell off the chair. That was why the name rang a bell. She had been standing in front of a goddamned Oscar winner without noticing. Add it to the list of the times Amanda Ward-Prowse had been an absolute idiot. It seemed that between the audition, the Sebastian Stan drama and being in the border of a breakdown, her brain had decided not to recognise Oscar winning directors. And then she remembered that Damien Chazelle had looked quite impressed with her audition. And he probably was not going to direct a miserable publicity spot for Target. It was something bigger than that. Damn. ''Yeah, I was wondering that'' Amanda decided to play it cool. ''It's a honour, Mr. Chazelle.'' ''The honour is mine, Miss Ward-Prowse. Soon you'll know why.'' he motioned Mellows to keep talking. ''It all starts with Ian McKellen. You see, he's a friend of mine and we get together to talk. One of this times he talked to me of an incredibly talented young woman from Wales that had starred with him in Macbeth. That was you.'' the fact that Ian McKellen had mentioned her name to influential people from the acting industry in New York City made Amanda feel a bit dizzy. ''He was the one who told me about your almost nomination to the Laurence Olivier. What is more, he seemed quite bothered that you hadn't got it. Then Christine and Damien enter the story.'' ''The thing is...'' Damien started. ''...I've been looking for the lead of my next movie, literally everywhere for the last two years. The lead character is a foreigner and I don't want an A-List American actress pulling an accent. I've met many people, well known and people who were just starting. But no one seemed to be the right person. Until my search led me to Juilliard and Katherine here who told me the story of a talented Welsh young woman that Ian McKellen swore that she was good. And I trust Ian's word. As I had nothing to lose, me, Katherine and Christine decided to find out more about you and learned that you were in the process of auditioning to the RADA. We called the director and asked if we could come and see your last audition and here we are. We also saw the tapes of your two previous auditions. We really came all the way from New York for you and let me tell you we're not disappointed at all.'' Amanda was speechless. What they had said didn't make any sense at all. Since when she was so important that the goddamned director of La La Land wanted to see her in person? She hadn't done anything remarkable yet, apart of working with Ian McKellen. Apparently that was enough. ''I'm making this shorter'' said Christine, looking at Katherine and Damien as if she was reprimanding them for extending the story too much. ''Remember the monologue we asked you to read before?'' Amanda nodded. ''That was Meredith Hathaway, the lead of The American Dream, Damien's next movie. And we want you to play her.'' Amanda wanted to laugh hysterically. That couldn't be happening to her, it was too good to be true. ''But... why me?'' she managed to mumble. Of all the questions she had in her head that was the only thing she could say. ''To be honest, I don't know'' Damien looked at her with sincerity in his eyes. ''But you're perfect for the role. During this journey I met incredibly talented people but all of them lacked something that you have: the star factor. You are a star, Amanda. You're absolutely mesmerizing when you act, and damn girl, you're going to melt the screen. You'll go far in this business and if you take good decisions, you can be one of the greatest.'' Amanda was still waiting for the moment when she had to inevitably wake up from the dream. She had had dreams before of being cast for the role of her dreams or even some minor role for Marvel. But this seemed to be very real. And she still couldn't believe it. ''Well...'' said Christine snapping her fingers. ''...now we have to wait for your answer.'' Deciding that this was very real and not one of her dreams or an hallucination caused by heat mixed with lack of sleep, Amanda didn't need to think too much to get the answer. ''Of course, I'm in.'' Katherine clapped and both Christine and Damien looked incredibly relieved. ''I knew you were going to say yes.'' said Sylvia with an smile. ''Fantastic...'' Damien clapped like an excited kid. ''Now, the overall details... we'll be talking about the more the more complicated stuff with your agent.'' Amanda thought of Taylor. She was probably going to flip herself to the sun. ''We'll start filming in the middle of September in New York.'' Damn, New York. Amanda wanted to laugh out loud. ''I want you there the last week of August so you can settle there, then we'll have the read through and the rehearsals. We'll be premiering this movie at Cannes next year.'' ''Wait a second... am I going to Cannes?'' this was one surprise after the other. ''Yes you are.'' Amanda wanted to jump with joy. Goodbye peace and quiet, say hello to the star treatment. ''This is incredible'' she said with all the calm she could muster. Now she had the doubt of who on were the rest of the cast for this movie. Thankfully Damien seemed to be reading her mind. ''You're probably wondering about the rest of the cast. I won't tell you yet, I'll leave the surprise for later. What I can say is that I still haven't found your male co-star. I have a couple of names around. I want someone quite known but not a Leo DiCaprio or a Ryan Gosling...'' Leo and Ryan. That was too much. ''Someone like Tom Holland?'' she said without thinking. ''Yeah, that's a good idea! Thank you Amanda! Christine, write it down. We have to talk with his agent tomorrow.'' Tom Holland. One of Amanda's golden boys. Now he was a potential co-star. The world had gone mad. ''Another name, Damien? Remember we're still in talks with Timothee. And are you still considering Sebastian?'' ''Absolutely. The problem with him is his goddamned agenda. The guy is booked, believe me.'' Amanda was on the verge of having another mental breakdown. If that Sebastian was Sebastian Stan, she could start considering herself a dead woman because for sure she was not going to make it. She would melt into a puddle at the sight of him. He had been his celebrity crush for years and working with him was stuff right from her wildest dreams that Amanda seriously thought that was never going to happen. ''Let's talk about this later, Damien. Now we have to talk to Amanda's agent.'' Christine reprimanded him. ''Can I use my stage name?'' Amanda asked before standing up from the chair. Damien smiled. ''Of course. Vin Diesel didn't make himself famous with the name of Mark Sinclair. You're really smart, Amanda. You probably have a remarkable name planned, I don't doubt that.'' With a wide smile she stood up, ready to go and find Taylor. ''One more thing...'' this time she looked at Sylvia and Edward. ''Would I have made it into the RADA?'' ''You were in since the first audition'' said Edward. ''You'd have made it into Juilliard in the blink of an eye.'' added Katherine. ''So, I suffered in vain'' ''Maybe...'' Damien looked at her, apologetically. ''But everything happens for a reason.'' She left the room, trying not to jump, followed by the serious assistant. Taylor, just had one glimpse at Amanda's smiley face and knew that she had good news. ''Taylor! They want to talk to you.'' Amanda was literally glowing. ''Why?'' she wondered what was going on. ''I may have been offered the lead role in a big movie... so, they want to talk to the agent'' she explained as if it was no big thing. ''That is you.'' ''What the hell?'' ''What I just said, Taylor. Oh, and remember that my stage name is Morgan Llewellyn. We'll get used to it sooner or later.'' With the most confused face in history, Taylor followed the assistant. The next twenty minutes were the longest in Amanda's life. She was waiting for Taylor to confirm that what had just happened was real and not her mind playing games. But she felt incredibly relieved and excited. Her life was going to change for the best. She'd have to say goodbye to the peace and quiet of Caernarfon and say hello to New York, the city that never sleeps. Everything was happening too fast. She didn't even dare to daydream yet. When Taylor got back she had the most stunned expression ever. ''I don't know how you did it. But you did it.'' she looked at her with her eyes shining. Amanda's triumph was in part Taylor's too as they were in this together. ''Are you a witch? Did you make a pentagram again? How did you do this?'' ''I have no idea'' finally, everything was starting to sink in. She was going to be in a movie. Her dreams were a reality. They left the place in silence, still processing what had happened. Taylor was starting to plan the next steps in Amanda's career because in less than a month she was going to be in New York City. They ended up at an Starbucks. Taylor was still thinking and Amanda couldn't stop talking. Suddenly, Taylor remembered something that darkened a bit her mood. ''What about Josh?'' she asked. Josh was her long time boyfriend, an accountant from Caernarfon that Amanda found horribly mundane. ''Who cares about Josh?'' Amanda seemed to be more focused on her pink frapuccino than on her friend's inner turmoil. ''I do care! He's my boyfriend! I can't leave him alone for God knows how many months!'' ''Of course you can. You're going to New York with a future celebrity and you'll meet dozens of people, all of them from the jet set of the acting industry, that are a thousand times more interesting than Josh Barrowman from Caernarfon.'' ''You can't be serious! I'm sure you won't be saying this if you'd have to leave your beloved Sebastian Stan for months.'' Amanda almost choked with the frapuccino. ''I'd leave Sebastian or any other person for a chance like this in a heartbeat.'' She didn't mention to Taylor that there was a chance that Sebastian himself was going to be her potential co star. And Taylor didn't want to admit that Amanda was right. Settling down with Josh in Caernarfon at just twenty five years old was mediocre, at its best. Going to New York with Amanda sounded much more tempting. ''Can you give me my phone back? There's no danger now.'' Taylor had forgotten that she had taken Amanda's phone over the Sebastian Stan drama. She gave it back. Taylor doubted that Amanda cared for that anymore. Amanda was about to log in her Twitter account to update herself on the drama but at the last moment decided that it was not necessary. Sebastian Stan wasn't not her unreachable celebrity crush anymore. Now she was in the same league as him. She was his colleague and she was convinced that they'll eventually cross paths something. And she couldn't wait for that day. Taylor noticed the sly smile crossing her friend's face and it was unsettling, to say the least.
P.S. I’m trying hard to cast someone as Amanda but I really don’t know someone that’d fit with the character’s personality.
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22goingon40-blog · 5 years
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Tuesday, February 19th.
5:13pm. 
I’m currently at work hiding in my office - something i’m heavily guilty of. Between all the teenagers on staff and all the whining that goes on, it can get overwhelming. 
My decorator has spent the last hour telling me all about her wedding. She’s getting married in May, and it’s her favorite thing to talk about (obviously).She just bought a house, and they moved in this past weekend. They danced in the kitchen and cooked breakfast together and all the cute romantic things you should do when you buy a house. 
It makes me feel down. When I was little, I used to always tell my family that I would never get married. I didn’t need anybody & wanted to be alone with no kids. That mindset drastically changed in high school. I got my first actual boyfriend (apart from the silly 2 and 3 day relationships in middle school) and fell in love. We were together for 2 years. He treated me terribly. Everything felt forced in this way where we had to be together 24/7, I always had to tell him everything I was doing, and he even got physical at some points. I was convinced that this was normal because it was the only relationship I had. He later joined the navy, and I found out that he had been cheating on me. I had access to his email, and he had gotten multiple emails from all of the dating apps he was on. I did myself dirty by investigating and logging onto his account, where my heart slowly broke. Due to the fact that he was deployed, our 2 year relationship ended over the phone, never giving me real closure. 
After that, I really confided in my friends. I had a large friend group who did everything together. There were 5 guys, and about 7 girls who were in the mix. Two weeks after my breakup, we all had a bonfire. I started drinking and talking with one of the guys, who I had never really gotten close with, and he claims he fell in love with me instantly. After two months of him begging and proclaiming his love for me, I accepted. The next year of my life I found myself unexpectedly falling head over heels for this guy. He showered me with love every moment of every day. I was his whole world, and he slowly became mine. It was that immature & vulnerable type of love. He took care of me, never hurt me, and promised me the world. Two years later, at 19 years old, we had our own house in a different state with a dog. We did all of the stupid romantic shit in movies. Danced in the rain, traveled all over the place, couldn’t last 10 seconds without a kiss or a touch. I thought I was in heaven. Then one day, he came home, looked me in the eyes, and left me. He didn’t cheat, didn’t lie, did nothing wrong. He told me our relationship was holding him back, and he needed to grow. The next 6 months were a roller coaster. I had to arrange to move back home with my parents. I moved into the guest room for awhile, and most nights he didn't come home. I became suicidal. He removed all of the guns from the house, and paid for me to go to therapy; still taking care of me. I would go days without eating, and would take anything I could. Pills, drugs, alcohol, anything. It’s like, you think you’re a stable person until you realize that your entire world fell into one person. Everything revolved around them, they were all you cared about/thought about. Then one day they just leave. 
After moving back home, I was lonely. I had major depression, lost about 30 pounds from not eating, and could barely function. I took two whole months off of work, just to lay in bed and cry myself to sleep every night. Then, I met love. He was completely different than anyone I had dated. Shorter than me, not athletic, and so incredibly smart. We went hiking one day, where we talked for two hours about life and everything involved. Then again, within two weeks, he told me he was in love with me. 
I think it took me longer to love him. He doesn’t know that. I wasn’t ready. I was still shattered. I was lonely. Slowly, after multiple dates and getting to know him, I did begin to love him. Love...he was different though. He was a challenge. He would tell me he was in love with me, but he wouldn’t open up to me. He wouldn’t tell me anything too personal or upsetting. He had plenty to ask about me, and I would tell him everything, but he would remain quiet and just listen. He still does this from time to time. I spend every day trying to figure him out, learning new things. its almost been 2 years. We’re in our routine, and we don’t argue very much. He’s figured me out, and for the most part, I have him. I suppose it’s just different than the love I was used to. The overwhelming, need to be with you, you are my world kind of love. I guess as you get older, love just isn’t that way anymore. 
Sometimes I miss that feeling. 
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Criminal Minds {Jung Hoseok}
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After Namjoon realizes he doesn’t exactly like working as a detective at the local police department, he leaves, determined to finish a case by himself. After months of nothing, a new development comes to light, motivating him to enlist the help of someone else. The two of them build a team from the ground up that’s independent from any government or police force, solving cases purely for the benefit of helping others and doing what’s right. One day, a newcomer enters their lives, begging them to let him join, too.
:: characters: namjoon, yoongi, hoseok
:: genre: angst, thriller, Criminal Minds!au
:: warnings: graphic descriptions, blood
:: word count: 1600
Min Yoongi
With the decision to work together, Namjoon and Yoongi immediately searched for a building to house their business. They managed to find an old assessment center, complete with a lobby and reception desk, two meeting rooms, and a handful of offices, for a fairly cheap price, quickly deciding to make that their home. They spent the next month furnishing the area, wanting to be able to get to work as quickly as possible. They had been putting the finishing touches to their individual offices when they were finally contacted with a case.
Yoongi was arranging his desk when Namjoon entered the office. “We got a case.”
The older male looked up, somewhat surprised. “Really?”
Namjoon nodded, holding up some papers that had been faxed over. “We’re going to Gwangju.”
They agreed for Yoongi to drive the three hours while Namjoon briefed him on the case. “A family was murdered on their farm about 45 minutes outside of Gwangju.” Namjoon flipped through the papers to find the victims. “42-year-old Kim Jihoon, his 38-year-old wife, Min Jihye, their 20-year-old daughter, Kim Jieun, Jieun’s 2-year-old son, Minjoon, and a family friend who was visiting, Jung Hyunjung.”
“Do they know the cause of death?” Yoongi inquired.
Namjoon nodded, pulling out the picture of found murder weapon. “Blunt force trauma to the head. They found a bloody hammer in the kitchen. The blood matched the victims, sadly there were no prints.”
Yoongi sighed. “Why can’t there ever be a case where we automatically know who the bad guy is?”
Namjoon looked at his partner and chuckled. “What would be the fun in that?”
After meeting with the detective in charge of the case, they made their way to the farm. “So, you said nothing had been stolen?” Yoongi clarified, looking around the first of the crime scenes, the married couple’s bedroom.
Detective Chae Hyungwon nodded. “We found money hidden all over the place, and it doesn’t seem that any jewelry or other valuables were taken.”
Namjoon looked at the blood stain on the bed. “Judging from that, and the fact that they were struck on the front of the head rather than the back, this was a personal kill.” Namjoon made eye contact with Yoongi and immediately knew that they were thinking the same thing. “They knew their killer.” He turned to Hyungwon as Yoongi left the room. “We’re gonna need a list of everyone that had any connections to the family.”
Hyungwon nodded. “I’ll have some of my people get right on that.”
“Joon~” Namjoon followed Yoongi’s voice, finding him in Jieun’s bedroom. Yoongi turned around holding up a laptop that someone had very obviously tried to get into from the “this device has been locked for the next 24 hours” message and countdown on the screen. “What would they have been trying to find?”
“I guess we’ll find out.”
After Hyungwon requested the officer with the most computer skills to meet them at the farm, they huddled around the kitchen table as Jung Yunho managed to bypass the lockdown and password screen of the laptop. “What exactly are we looking for?” Yunho asked, clicking on a few files.
“Anything that could be of interest to our killer.” Yoongi answered. After a few minutes of searching, the screen began to glitch. Yunho lifted his hands up, waiting for the device to calm down, only to see the mouse seemingly moving by itself and random files being pulled up at lightning speed. “What the fuck is going on?”
“Someone’s hacking it.” Yunho replied, placing his hands back on the keyboard and tapping at the keyboard.
“Can you find who it is?” Namjoon asked, watching as a “files downloading” bar appeared on the screen.
“Already on it.” Yunho muttered, pulling up a code system to try to trace the hacker. As quickly as the files had appeared on screen, they disappeared, seemingly leaving no trace that anyone had been in the system. Just as the duo were about to sigh in defeat, Yunho turned to them and said, “I got them.”
The door opened to reveal a middle-aged woman. “Hi, ma’am,” Namjoon greeted as he and Yoongi held up their badges. “Is your son home?”
The woman, very obviously confused, pointed behind her into the house. “He’s downstairs in his room, but what do you need with my Hoseokie?”
“We just need to ask him a few questions, ma’am.” Yoongi replied, smiling at her as she let them into the house. She pointed them towards the staircase leading to the basement, where Hoseok had moved into when he’d graduated college and moved back in with his parents. As they descended into the room, they could hear Coldplay blasting through some speakers, eventually seeing a guy around their age surrounded by a few computer screens. The bottom stair creaked under Namjoon’s weight, alerting Hoseok to their presence. He spun around and, as soon as his gaze landed on them, his eyes widened as he jumped out of his chair, looking ready to flee the country. “Hey, why do you look like you’re about to run?” Yoongi asked, hand ready to pull out his gun should it resort to that.
“What would you do if two random men entered your room?”
Namjoon held his hands out to show that they weren’t going to hurt him. “We just need you to come with us, so we can ask you a few questions.” Hoseok visibly swallowed before nodding in agreement.
“I honestly have no idea why I’m here.” Hoseok said for the dozenth time as Yoongi stared him down from across the table in the interrogation room.
“Let me show you.” Yoongi finally spoke up, opening the file and laying a few pictures of the victims in front of him.
Hoseok’s eyes widened and his skin lost its color at the gruesome images. “A-are these those people from the news this morning?”
Yoongi nodded and lay a few more pictures on the table, this time of evidence, finally placing a picture of Jieun’s laptop directly in front of Hoseok. “And you know what this is?” Hoseok shook his head no, looking at Yoongi in confusion. “This is the computer of Kim Jieun, one of the victims. And funny story, we were looking at the laptop, trying to see if we could find anything that could point towards the person we’re looking for when someone seemingly hacked into the device and downloaded nearly everything.” Hoseok gulped, trying to avoid eye contact with Yoongi. “And you know who that hacker was?”
“I swear I had no idea it was related to this!” Hoseok confessed, slightly surprising Yoongi at how quickly he gave in. “Some guy e-mailed me this morning, saying that his computer had crashed, and he needed to recover his files, and that he would pay me a million won to do it for him.”
“Is this something you do often?”
Hoseok shrugged. “Usually I just retrieve test answers and stuff for high school kids, sometimes changing their grades in the system. Occasionally I get stuff like this, though, but never for this kind of pay out, which is why I accepted so quickly.”
“Can you tell us who paid you to hack into the system?”
“He didn’t tell me his name.” Hoseok rested his elbows on the table in front of him. “He just gave me the network info, so I could get into the computer, then a deposit was made into my account after I sent him the files.”
“Did you happen to look at the files?” Hoseok shook his head again. “Would you be able to do us a favor then?”
A few minutes later, they were back in Hoseok’s room and he was logging into his online bank account. “What do I need to do?”
Namjoon pointed to the most recent transaction, a deposit of one million won. “Can you trace the source of this deposit?”
Hoseok scoffed. “And here I thought you were going to ask me something difficult.” He pulled up a window on a different computer screen and typed at lightning speed for a few minutes until an account number appeared. “Do you want me to find who this account belongs to?”
“You can do that?” Namjoon sounded somewhat impressed as Hoseok began typing again. A name and some information popped up. “Park Hyunwoo.” Namjoon read off. “I’ll call Hyungwon and tell him to go look for this guy.”
As Namjoon walked away to make the call, Yoongi clasped his hand on Hoseok’s shoulder. “You really enjoy doing this, don’t you?” Hoseok shrugged with a light nod. “Would you like to have a job that involves this? You would get less pay, but it would be legal, and extinguish any chances of you getting arrested.”
Hoseok bit his lip, contemplating the offer. “Let me get back to you on that.”
Eventually, Park Hyunwoo was taken into custody, confessing to the murders, “I was convinced she was cheating on me, so I tried to get into her laptop to find proof. She caught me, and I freaked out. I didn’t mean to hurt her or her family.” Yoongi and Namjoon went back to Seoul and finished setting up their offices.
About a week after the case was closed, they were enjoying some beers together back in Namjoon’s office when the bell they’d placed on the receptionist desk out front dinged. They went to see who would be coming this late at night, shock washing over them as they saw Hoseok standing at the desk. “Is that job offer still up for grabs?”
Jeon Jungkook
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myautowallpaper · 3 years
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What are the advantages of time recording machine in an office ?
Showing up for work punctually, at an official time, became expected behavior toward the end of the 19th century, as more and more people worked for others rather than for themselves. Not just the work force's punctuality was at issue. Cost accounting and analysis--recording and scrutinizing expenses for labor, materials and overhead--were getting more attention than ever before. Time was money.
In the 1890s, timekeepers-- clerks who kept track of employees' hours in handwritten logs --found that machines were beginning to replace them, especially in workplaces with large numbers of employees. Thanks to the influence of the advocates of scientific management, nearly every industrial workplace had a time clock, after about 1910. So did many offices. By the early twentieth century the International Time Recording Company supplied an entire line of timekeeping devices, including master clocks, several types of time clocks, and time stamps. Founded in 1900, the firm continuously expanded its product line, underwent several reorganizations and name changes, and emerged in 1924 as the International Business Machine Corporation, familiar today as IBM.One of the firm's most popular products was the card punch time recorder, a clock that could furnish a daily or weekly record of up to 150 employees. Based on the 1888 patent of physician Alexander Dey, the dial time recorder was essentially a spring-driven clock with a cast-iron wheel affixed to its dial side. The rim of the wheel was perforated with numbered holes. As employees pressed a rotating pointer into the hole at their assigned number, the machine recorded the time on a preprinted sheet and rang a bell with each punch. A two-color ribbon printed all regular time in green and all tardiness, early departures, and overtime in red.This International digital card punch time recorder hung in a factory in the garment district of New York City.
Time recording clock is a time recording machine used to record the lime of arrival and departure of an employee. The time is recorded on the card allotted to each employee of the organisation. The card is punched in this machine, which records the time of arrival and departure automatically. These machines are fitted with a clock to show the time. The advantages of the use of time recording machines are:
(a) It records the actual time of arrival and departure.
(b) It is not possible to manipulate the time in case of late arrival or early departure.
It is necessary to keep proper record of time for each worker as it ensures discipline, increases morale and makes him punctual.
This function of keeping proper record of time is looked after by the time-keeping department. In a small organisation, such a department may not exist at all since the time of coming and going can be easily regulated by the person in changes of operations in the factory or the office.
Time keeping is a system of recording the time of arrival and departure of workers; it provides a record of total time spent by each worker engaged in the factory. On the basis of this record, wages are paid to the workers under time rate system.
The regal contains the columns like name and identity no. of the worker, the department in which he is working, arrival and departure time. As soon as a worker enters into the preprint of the factory, the necessary entries in the attendance register are completed. If workers are literate; they are required to sign the attendance register.
After the reports time workers are marked late or absent as the case may be. Similar entries are made the time of departure.
This method is very simple and inexpensive. But in a large factory this meth may become inconvenient. Moreover, this method is liable for many undesirable’ practices on the part of the persons who record the attendance in collusion with sour workers. This method is suitable for small factories and out-doors workers.
Under this method, each worker is allotted a metal disc or token bearing his identification. On each disc or token the name and number of the worker is engraved or painted. All the tokens 01; discs are hung on a board at the gate or at the entrance of the department.
As soon as a worker reports for duty, he removes his disc and puts it in a box provided nearby. Immediately after the scheduled time of entry, the board is removed and a list is prepared for all such discs or tokens not collected and dropped into the box by the workers.
The late-comers collect their discs and hand over the same personally to the time keeper. The list of late-comers is prepared separately. The discs not removed from the boards represent the absentee workers.
This method is simple and economical. But it is not free from abuses. A worker may remove the disc of his fellow-worker to ensure his presence who is either late or absent.
There is no certainty that the exact arrival time of the workers has been recorded. The time keeper marking the attendance may commit errors deliberately or through carelessness and this may create disputes. Time keeper may include the dummy or ghost workers in the muster roll that cannot be easily detected except by close supervision.
2. Mechanical Methods
Different mechanical devices have been designed for recording the exact time of the workers. These include:
(a) Time Recording Clocks
(b) analogue card punch time recorder
(a) Time Recording Clocks
This method has been developed to remove some of the difficulties faced in case of manual methods. Under this method, the attendance is marked by a time recording clock on a card. Every worker is allotted a time card usually for one week duration.
These time cards are serially arranged in a tray at the gate of the factory. On arrival the worker picks up his card from the tray and inserts the same into the time recording clock which prints the exact arrival time at the space provided on the card against the particular day.
This process is repeated when the worker leaves the factory after day’s work. Other particulars of time in respect of late arrival, lunch, and overtime are printed is red colour so as to distinguish these from normal period spent in the factory.
This method is useful when the number of workers is fairly large. There are also no chances of disputes arising due to recording of time of workers as it is recorded by the clock and not by the time keeper.
But there are chances that a worker may get his friend’s card from the tray and mark him present in time when he is actually late or absent. Any mechanical defect may adversely affect the working of time recording system.
The dial time recorder is a machine which records the correct attendance time of the worker automatically. It has a dial around the clock with a number of hold (usually about 150), each of which bears a number corresponding to the identification number of the worker concerned.
There is a radial arm at the centre of the dial. While a worker enters into the factory; he is required to press the radial arm after placing ill at the appropriate hole. The time recorder then automatically records the time on a roll of paper within the machine against the number of the worker.
This machine can also! calculate the wages of the workers with greater accuracy and avoids much loss of time, I But a heavy capital investment is needed and hence only large organisations can use It is also necessary to have a close supervision on every worker to prevent fraud and I irregularities.
Make employee scheduling and pay calculation easier with this fingerprint time attendance. A perfect choice for tracking hours in busy workplaces, this time stamp keeps accurate time within fractions of a second by automatically syncing with codes from the National Institute of Standards and Technology. This device automatically adjusts for Daylight Saving Time and ensures consistent accuracy during power failures using an internal battery backup. Featuring over 150 print configurations and 13 messages in four languages, this device makes it easy to print custom messages in two hour formats and a variety of font sizes. Compatible with a variety of forms and time cards, this flexible machine aligns any document perfectly with an internal LED and a window over the print area. This Acroprint time recorder informs users of the time and date with a large, bold display.
Black/gray punch card time clock system for unlimited number of employees
LCD display helps you keep track of time by showing the time and date in 24- or 12-hour format
Durable construction and key lock help protect clock and settings from damage or tampering
Employees use printable time cards
Dimensions: 5.63"H x 6.45"W x 6.77"D
Desk- or wall-mountable for flexible and convenient placement
Battery backup protects data and settings during power outages
Selectable language format: English, French, Portuguese, and Spanish
2-year manufacturer limited warranty
No resetting needed.The LCD backlight digital time punching machine synchronizes automatically with time codes transmitted by the National Institute of Standards and Technology, keeping it incredibly accurate. The internal battery backup keeps the clock on time, even during power outages.Flexible options.With over 150 possible print configurations and 13 preset messages in your choice of four languages, the ES700 easily supports a wide variety of time & attendance and document control applications. This time stamp accomodates virtually any time card, document or form, offering adjustable print font size, your choice of automatic, semi-automatic or manual print operation, and left or right hand print. The power supply is switchable from 120V to 240V.Easy to use.Cards and documents are a snap to align correctly, thanks to a handy window in the cover and a bright internal LED illuminating the document print area.
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