#sps is definitely a series i keep close to my heart

[palilious]

You'll be the death of me

[neitherthehoneynorthebee]

rambling about my semi-OCs

I was just thinking about the similarities and differences between my characterisations of Hopeless and Larrikin. On a surface level (IthinkIhopeIpray) they read as very different people. But there are certain parts of their characterisation which are very similar, especially from my pov as writer. And I wanted to chat about that for a bit. (((Obligatory disclaimer that these characters are heavily inspired by the Dead Men Walking series on ao3 and without that series I likely 1) would not have got into SP fanfic and 2) would definitely not be writing the stuff I’m writing now)))

TW: discussions of fictional mental illnesses, extreme violence, ill physical health, bad home lives.

On the surface (I hope - if I’ve succeeded) Hopeless and Larrikin seem very different. Hopeless is a secretive, introverted, emotionally intelligent and dangerous person who’s mostly motivated by their affection for the members of their group. Larrikin is a chirpy, happy, extroverted, teasing healer whose concerns and attitude seem very light-hearted and perhaps even superficial. He’s here to have a good time. 

Anxiety is something my Hopeless very clearly experiences and displays; this is further amplified by their powers, which have the effect of making them experience other people’s fears and similar negative emotions. They’re reserved but hyper-aware of the mental wellbeing of everyone around them in a certain radius - and in most of the stories I’ve written, they haven’t found a way to turn this off. This means all of their relationships are affected by their magic - Hopeless has much more information than people around them realise and they sometimes respond to this information in order to influence (or manipulate) people’s actions. (((The influence from DMW here is probably really clear but if it’s not I’m highlighting this again now.))) So, there’s this mismatch where people have can’t keep anxiety-inducing secrets from Hopeless, but Hopeless keeps many personal things close to their chest. It takes at least a century and a half of Erskine Ravel knowing them for Hopeless to reveal what their magic is - and this isn’t from a thought-out decision on their part but rather it being almost forced out of them.

On the other hard, Larrikin is a lot more confident. He’s a joker, easy-going, he likes to have a laugh with his mates. He’s perhaps as protective of the Dead Men as Hopeless is, but he keeps this on the downlow. It isn’t that he’s unaware of the various challenges in his way and the evils of the world, but rather he recognises them and still remains cheerful, almost defiantly. The thing that weighs on him the most is other people’s physical health, and as his magic only works through skin contact, he’s very vigilant in making sure the others aren’t hurt. But this responsibility doesn’t weigh on him the way Hopeless’ magic weighs on them. It’s not a constant background noise for him, more something he can choose whether or not to use. For Hopeless, the only way they can get a similar sort of disconnect is by avoiding all humans, which - for someone so people orientated - isn’t a real solution. And Larrikin is less secretive as well - he’s really open in most respects, even in expressing hatred or dislike of someone. He can keep secrets if he needs, but he does this through absolute necessity. And even though he is a gay man who’d grown up in a mortal village in a time when that wasn’t generally accepted, his mother and family made sure he was accepted and supported. So for him, questions of identity are less of a concern than for Hopeless too - Hopeless did not have a good upbringing. 

Apart from the fact that the two feel a responsibility for other people’s health to some extent due to their magic, the other trait they share is their capacity for affection. The two are very group-orientated people who love and support the other Dead Men. Hopeless is more likely to prioritise other people’s needs above their own, but Larrikin is more likely to over-extend himself making sure the others are physically well. They’re both very loving people. 

Hopeless, for all their self-sacrificing behaviours, is much more morally grey (or even reprehensible) than Larrikin. Larrikin is more obviously vindictive - in my fic Time Out Of Mind for example, he berates and behaves vindictively towards Valkyrie (though not doing anything serious) because he believes her to be untrustworthy and likely a spy. Yet he engages in violence a lot less than the others - even on field - and he’ll heal anyone injured that he finds after the fight. Hopeless, whose demeanour is generally more gentle and ‘nice’, is capable of much more extreme acts of violence. They regret it deeply after the act, but they still knowingly and willingly harm others if it furthers their aims. They will kill enemies so they can take their form and infiltrate enemy ranks (shapeshifting into the dead is a physical aspect of their fear-mage discipline, something they do not use unless they believe it’s absolutely necessary). They will use their magic to spread fear among the enemy, or to torment/torture people for information. So, unlike Larrikin, Hopeless has a much darker side to their character that they often hide.

There’s actually a lot more I could write, comparing these two, bringing in my characterisation of the other Dead Men too, but I think I’ll stop here. It’s really just a ramble without a clear point, but if you liked this/are interested in my writer’s thoughts on other aspects of my fics pls lmk! It helps to put everything (or some things at least) down in one place, and if it’s entertaining-ish I might post more. 

[ghostburs-blue]

Peace Is Momentary

Summary: soulmate!au where your soulmate will appear to you in a time of need. Spencer’s gone 20 years without meeting his; so has y/n. What will happen when fate finally connects them together?

Warnings: angst if you squint, nothing else really

Word count: 2.2k

a/n: this might become a series if people like it enough!! we’ll see ;)

Spencer knows there’s a chance he’ll never meet his soulmate. He knows the statistics, he’s done the research. Yet, he always feels a little bit better at the thought that someone was made just for him, someone who’ll stay with him through it all.

Of course, he assumed he would have found his soulmate much earlier in life. Most people found theirs when they were as young as 16, though always in the same fashion. Spencer was turning 22, 6 years older than the average age of finding your one true love.

Your soulmate would come to you in a time when you need them the most; when your soul calls out to its other half in a cry for help.

Every time Spencer broke down or cried, whether it be over a case at work, his mother’s condition, or quite literally anything else, he prayed that his soulmate would magically appear in front of him. Alas, the cards simply haven’t been in his favor.

Unknown to Reid, about 20 minutes away, you were in the exact same predicament. All of your life, you had waited to find your soulmate. When your parents passed in your high school years, there was a small part of you that was hoping you would find your soulmate right then and there. That... didn’t exactly work out.

You had moved in with your aunt and uncle in a different city and had turned into the epitome of a rebellious child. You wore clothes your modest family would have a heart attack upon seeing, listened to music the church choir you were a part of would scoff at. However, if there was one thing you were good at, it was school.

You didn’t have a ton of money growing up, so you worked harder than anyone you knew to get scholarships to college. You juggled a full time job at your local coffee shop while still in school to get your engineering degree, and boy was it tiring.

“Excuse me lady? I’ve been waiting for 10 fucking minutes. What have I got to do to get a coffee already?” A man with a thick (Boston?) accent leered at you. You groaned internally, proceeding to plaster a much too bright smile on your face in an attempt to hide your obvious disdain for him.

“So sorry sir! Your cold brew will be coming right up,” you exclaimed cheerily, though you felt anything but. Turning away from him, you let your hands fly over the coffee machine to make a drink you’ve made a thousand times over. Your mind starts to wander as you brew the espresso. Did you even have a soulmate? What if they hate you? What if they’re dead? What if-

Your thoughts were cut short as the espresso machine beeps, jolting you back to reality. You quickly finish off the cup, gratefully sliding it across the bar to the rude man waiting close by. You turned around and caught your coworker’s bemused expression; you were too tired to complain.

-

Spencer frowned as he gazed at the crime scene photos. What wasn’t clicking?

He was shaken out of his thoughts by the sound of Emily’s heels clacking on the linoleum floor. He turned with his chin resting on his hand to see her wearing a pitying look on her face. In one hand, she held a cup of coffee.

He reached out, pointing to the styrofoam cup. “Is that for me?” Spencer asked, secretly hoping it wasn’t so he could get some rest.

Thankfully, Emily shook her head. “No, Reid.” She sighed, looking back up at him sadly. “Listen, I know you really want to solve this case. Don’t get me wrong, we all do. But you’ve been awake for what? 30 hours straight? You might be a genius but even Einstein needed rest,” she finished. Before Reid could protest, she lifted a hand. “Go back to your hotel room and sleep. That’s a direct order from Hotch.”

Spencer frowned unhappily at the brunette in front of him, but he knew when the conversation was over. Grabbing some files he was fully planning to mull over on the comfort of his stiff hotel mattress, he brushed past Emily and headed towards his car.

-

After a long shift, you groaned as you pushed open the door to your tiny apartment. Immediately, you stripped off your clothes and headed straight for the shower in an attempt to scrub off the now nauseating scent of coffee.

Emerging 20 minutes later with bright red and freshly exfoliated skin, you felt like you were about to collapse at any second. You were asleep before your head hit the pillow.

-

Reid sat on the bed, papers and crime scene photos splayed out in front of him. The heels of his hands dug into his eyes as he tried to prevent tears from running down his unshaven cheeks.

-

You wake with a start, sweating slightly. Looking around, you frown. This isn’t your hotel room, you think to yourself, confused. You gasped when you noticed a man sitting on the bed, looking like he hadn’t slept in months. His clothes were misshapen, hair messy and clearly not brushed. He was boyishly handsome, you decided with a satisfied nod.

The gasp you let out caused him to look up; you both realized what was happening at the same moment.

“You’re my soulmate,” Spencer breathed out, at the same time you muttered “Oh my fucking god.”

For a few more moments, both stared at each other, unsure how to act and what to do.

Reid made the first move, awkwardly scooting over slightly and clearing his throat, patting the now empty space next to him.

You quietly shuffled over, perching politely on the edge of the bed.

“So um... where are you right now?” You offered, genuinely curious as to why he was in a hotel room in seemingly the middle of nowhere.

Spencer laughed. “I uh- I guess it’s a long story,” his voice trailed off slightly as he noticed the look you gave him, the one that said Really?. “I guess that was a stupid thing to say,” he mumbled.

You laughed, hitting his arm gently. “Don’t worry about it. For now, we have all the time in the world.”

And so the night progressed; Reid told you all about working at the BAU and you told him all about, well, working at a coffee shop. You quickly found out Spencer was a literal genius, and you, completely serious of course, asked if he would do all your homework for you. (Spoiler alert: he said no because it “goes against his morals”. What does that even mean???)

You could feel yourself fading as Spencer got happier and happier. You both seemed to realize you didn’t have much time left. You grabbed his hand, staring deep into his eyes. You could feel yourself leaning in, Reid too-

“Wait!” You exclaimed, and the two of you jumped apart. “What’s your name?” You asked breathlessly.

“Oh!” He replied, seemingly surprised that you two had never exchanged names. What he didn’t know, however, was that you were slipping away from him much faster than either of you could have realized. “It’s Sp-“

And just like that, you were gone. You woke up in your own bed to find it was morning, sunlight streaming through your windows. Racking your brain, you tried to remember what he said his name was. Unfortunately, all you could remember was the short 2 letters you heard before you vanished. He hadn’t even gotten your name! How was he supposed to find you now?

-

Across the country, Spencer woke up with his head pounding. Bleary eyed, he tried to make sense of what just happened. He met his soulmate, then lost her just as fast. He didn’t even get her name!, Reid kicked himself.

-

The next few days for the both of you seemed like hell. You found out it was practically impossible to find records of government employees, especially from divisions like the BAU. You grew increasingly frustrated while scouring through database after database.

Spencer had immediately called Garcia, but made her swear to keep it a secret. He attempted to give her an idea of what you looked like, only to hear the disappointed sound of Penelope’s voice letting him know that she had a list of about 10,000 people who fit the description. Of course, knowing Penelope, no secret ever stayed a secret for long. No more than a few hours later he was met with a chorus of congratulations from his fellow colleagues, including Morgan’s “I knew you had it in you!”, which was met with a sad frown as Spencer explained the unlucky situation.

Unfortunately, nothing much happened after that. You gave up your search on this mystery man, he did the same. Every day, however, you both woke up and hoped today would be that one special day where they found each other again. Every day, they were met with another heart wrenching disappointment, until one fateful afternoon.

Your back ached as you scrubbed down the counter for what felt like the thousandth time that day. It had been a few years since what you liked to call “the incident”, and you liked to keep it out of your head at this point. You were now in grad school, in a different city. You still worked at a coffee shop, though this one was much more busy and frankly much more stressful.

You stretched slightly, pulling your arms up in the air as you readjusted your torso. You turned when you heard your coworker call your name; he was going to take a break. You nodded at him, letting him know you would take over for him.

There was a lull in the customers in the shop, which made sense considering it was 2:00 on a Tuesday afternoon.

You decided to make the most of the break and started to clean the espresso machine in front of you. As you grabbed a dish cloth from the sink, you heard bells in the doorway tinkle slightly as the door was pushed open.

You looked up with your customer service grin automatically painted on, ready to greet the customer. The welcome died on your lips, however, as you realized who it was. It was him.

Your eyes widened in horror as you realized something else; he was kissing a girl who was definitely not you.

You forced yourself to walk over to the cash register, clearing your throat to break the intense lip-locking session apart. A faint look of annoyance crossed Spencer’s face as he looked up at who interrupted them.

His first reaction was exactly what you thought it would be. He froze slightly, then slowly walked up to the register with what looked like a death grip on his (girlfriend’s?) hand.

Though it was the girl who spoke, you found your attention kept flitting to the man next to her. You couldn’t tell if she was oblivious, or just didn’t care.

He had... changed to say the least. Stubble covered the bottom portion of his face, and his hair had grown out. His cheekbones looked more defined, and he walked with an aura of confidence that he didn’t have before. Still, you had to admit he looked very handsome.

You were shaken out of your stupor when you felt the gaze of the girl. She looked at you with, was that impatience? You asked for her payment and her name, Stacy, noting it down on both cups before you took her credit card.

You hurried around behind the bar in an attempt to give them the drinks as quickly as possible and get them to leave. How were you supposed to talk to him now? He literally has a girlfriend!

You finished making the two coffees and set them on the counter, calling out her name to let her know the drinks were ready.

“One nitro cold brew for you, and one iced vanilla latte for him,” you handed over the drinks directly to each of them, making a point to shift Spencer’s drink slightly, causing him to look down. He caught your drift as he noticed a little extra writing underneath Stacy’s name.

His girlfriend grabbed his hand, throwing a quick and insincere “thank you!” over her shoulder at you as they left the store. You slumped against the sink, grabbing the countertop with your hands. What in Gods’ green Earth was this?

-

Outside, Spencer finally got the chance to look at the cup. He smiled as he read what you had scribbled on there.

Underneath your phone number, you had written, “It’s a really long story but I hope you have the time. Let’s talk soon?”

-

It was nearing 9 pm when you were starting to lose all hope. What if you made a mistake, and that wasn’t actually your soulmate? You shoved a pillow over your face with irritation and groaned, collapsing onto the sofa next to your phone. As you lay in silence, you heard a noise. Your phone was vibrating.

Sitting up quickly, you picked up the phone.

“Hello?” You asked breathlessly.

A familiar amused chuckle rang on the other end of the line.

“Hi, soulmate.”

[oscopelabs]

It’s Arrested Development: How ‘High Fidelity’ Has Endured Beyond Its Cultural Sell-By Date by Vikram Murthi

It’s easy to forget now that at the beginning of 2020, before the pandemic had taken hold of our consciousness, for a brief moment, High Fidelity was back. Not only did Nick Hornby’s debut novel and Stephen Frears’ film adaptation celebrate major milestones this year — 25th and 20th anniversaries, respectively — but a TV adaptation premiered on Hulu in February. In light of all of these arbitrary signposts, multiple thinkpieces and remembrances litigated Hornby’s original text on familiar, predictable grounds. Is the novel/film’s protagonist Rob actually an asshole? (Sure.) Does Hornby uphold his character’s callous attitudes towards women? (Not really.) Hasn’t the story’s gatekeeping, anti-poptimist approach to artistic taste culturally run its course? (Probably.) Why do we need to revisit this story about this person right now? (Fair question!)

Despite reasonable objections on grounds of relevancy, enough good will for the core narrative—record store owner seeks out a series of exes to determine a pattern of behavior following a devastating breakup—apparently exists to help produce a gender-flipped streaming show featuring updated musical references and starring a decidedly not-middle-aged Zoë Kravitz. I only made it through six of ten episodes in its first (and only) season, but I was surprised by how closely the show hewed to High Fidelity’s film adaptation, to the point of re-staging numerous scenes down to character blocking and swiping large swaths of dialogue wholesale. (Similarly, the film adaptation hewed quite close to the novel, with most of the dialogue ripped straight from Hornby.) Admittedly, the series features a more diverse cast than the film, centering different experiences and broadly acknowledging some criticisms of the source material regarding its ostensibly exclusionary worldview. Nevertheless, it seemed like a self-defeating move for the show to line itself so definitively with a text that many consider hopelessly problematic, especially considering the potential to repurpose its premise as a springboard for more contemporary ideas.

High Fidelity’s endurance as both a piece of IP and a flashpoint for media discourse is mildly baffling for obvious reasons. For one thing, its cultural milieu is actually dated. Even correcting for vinyl’s recent financial resurgence, the idea of snooty record store clerks passing judgment on customer preferences has more or less gone the way of the dodo. With the Internet came the democratization of access, ensuring that the cultivation of personal taste is no longer laborious or expensive, or could even be considered particularly impressive (if it ever could have been). Secondly, as one might imagine, some of Hornby’s insights into heterosexual relationships and the differences between men and women, even presented through the flawed, self-deprecating interiority of High Fidelity’s main character, are indeed reductive. Frears’ film actually strips away the vast majority of Hornby’s weaker commentary, but the novel does include such cringeworthy bits like, “What’s the deal with foreplay?” that are best left alone.

Accounting for all of that, though, it’s remarkable how many misreadings of Hornby’s text have been accepted as conventional wisdom. It’s taken as a given by many that the novel and film earnestly preach the notion that what you like is more important than what you are like when, in fact, the narrative arc is constructed around reaching the opposite conclusion. (The last lines of the novel and film are, literally, “…I start to compile in my head a compilation tape for her, something that's full of stuff she's heard of, and full of stuff she'd play. Tonight, for the first time ever, I can sort of see how it's done.”) That’s relatively minor compared to the constant refrain that Rob’s narcissism goes uncriticized, even though the story’s thematic and emotional potency derives from what the audience perceives that Rob cannot. To put it bluntly, High Fidelity’s central irony revolves around a man who listens to music for a living being unable to hear the women in his life.

While Hornby’s prose immerses the reader in Rob’s interior monologue, providing ample room for the character to spout internal justifications of his behavior, the novel hardly obscures or conceals this conclusion. Moreover, the film makes it unavoidably explicit in numerous scenes. Rob (John Cusack) triumphantly pantomimes Rocky Balboa’s boxing routine soundtracked to Queen’s “We Are The Champions” after his ex-girlfriend Laura (Iben Hjejle) confirms she hasn’t yet slept with her new boyfriend Ray (Tim Robbins), but doesn’t hear the part where she says she prefers to sleep next to him. When Laura informs Rob that she did eventually sleep with Ray, Rob completely falls apart. In an earlier, more pointed scene, Rob goes out with his ex-girlfriend from high school (Joelle Carter) to ask why she chose to have sex with an obnoxious classmate instead of him. She venomously informs him that he actually broke up with her because she was too prudish, an abrupt, cruel bit of business we actually witness at the film’s beginning. It was in her moment of heartbroken vulnerability that she agreed to quickly sleep with someone else (“It wasn’t rape because I technically said, ‘Okay,’ but it wasn’t far off,” she sneers), which ultimately put her off sex until after college. Rob doesn’t hear this explanation or the damning portrait of his teenaged self. Instead, he’s delighted to learn that he wasn’t actually dumped.

These are evidently low character moments, one’s that are comedic in their depiction of blinkeredness but whose emotional takeaways are crystal clear, and one’s that have been written about before. My personal pick from the film, though, comes late when Rob attends Laura’s father’s funeral. He sits in the back and, in typical fashion, turns to the camera to deliver a list of songs to play at his funeral, concluding with his professed wish that “some beautiful, tearful woman would insist on ‘You’re The Best Thing That Ever Happened to Me’ by Gladys Knight.” It’s a really galling, egotistical moment that still makes me wince despite having seen the movie umpteen times. Yet, it’s immediately followed by the casket being lowered to the ground as Laura’s sobs ring out in the church. In a movie defined by John Cusack’s vocal timbre, it’s one of the few times when he completely shuts up. From two-thirds down the center aisle, Frears’ camera pushes into Cusack’s face until tears in his eyes are visible, but what you really see is an appropriately guilt-ridden, ashamed expression.

However, none of this evidence carries any weight if your objection to High Fidelity is that Rob suffers no material consequences for his behavior. While Rob is frequently called out for his actions, he is never actively punished. He doesn’t, say, receive a restraining order for continually calling Laura after they’ve broken up or end up alone mending a permanent broken heart because of his past relationships. By the end, Rob and Laura get back together and Rob even starts an independent record label on the side. It’s a stretch to characterize Hornby’s High Fidelity as a redemption tale, but it is a sideways rehabilitation narrative with a happy ending that arises at least partly out of mutual exhaustion.

Those two elements—Rob’s asshole recovery and the exhausted happy ending—rarely seem to factor into High Fidelity discourse. Granted, there’s credence to the idea that, socially and culturally, people have less patience for the personality types depicted in High Fidelity, and thus are less inclined to extend them forgiveness, let alone anything resembling retribution. I suppose that’s a valid reaction, one against which I have no interest in arguing, but it’s somewhat ironic that High Fidelity has endured for reasons that have nothing to do with its conclusions regarding inflexible personal principles and the folly of escapism. Both the book and film are specifically about someone who slowly comes to terms with accepting reality rather than live in a world mediated by pop cultural fantasies whose unrealistic expectations have only caused personal suffering. It’s not unfair to characterize this as a fairly obvious epiphany, but considering we currently live in a world dominated by virtual echo chambers with an entertainment culture committed to validating arrested adolescence, it retroactively counts as “mature” and holds more weight than it otherwise should.

Near the end of High Fidelity, the book, after Rob and Laura have gotten back together in the aftermath of Laura’s father’s death, Hornby includes a chapter featuring five conversations between the couple unpacking the state of their relationship. During the third conversation, Rob and Laura fight about how she doesn’t care about music as strongly as he does, catalyzed by Rob’s objection to Laura liking both Solomon Burke and Art Garfunkel, which, in his mind, is a contradiction in terms. Laura finally admits that not only does she not really care about the difference between them, but that most people outside of his immediate circle of two don’t care about the difference, and that this mentality is indicative of a larger problem. It’s part of what keeps him stuck in his head and reluctant to commit to anything. “I’m just trying to wake you up,” she says. “I'm just trying to show you that you've lived half your life, but for all you've got to show for it you might as well be nineteen, and I'm not talking about money or property or furniture.”

I fell for High Fidelity (first the movie, then the book) as a younger man for the reasons I assume most sensitive-cum-oblivious, culturally preoccupied straight guys do: it accurately pinpoints a pattern of music consumption and organizationally anal-retentive behavior with which I’m intimately familiar. I spent the vast majority of my early years listening to and cataloguing albums, and when I arrived at college, I quickly fell in with a small group of like-minded music obsessives. We had very serious, very prolonged discussions filled with impossibly strong opinions about our favorite artists and records. Few new releases came and went without them being scrutinized by us, the unappreciated scholars of all that is righteous. List-making wasn’t in vogue, but there wasn’t a song that passed us by that we didn’t judge or size up. I was exposed to more music during this relatively short period of time than I likely will ever absorb again. Some of these times were the most engaging and fun of my life, and I still enjoy discussing and sharing music with close friends, but I’m not such a true believer to fully feel comfortable with this behavior. It’s not entirely healthy on its own and definitely alienating to others, and there comes a point when you hear yourself the way a stranger might, or maybe even catch a glimpse of someone’s eyes when you’re midst rant about some stupid album, and realize, “That’s all there is of me. There isn’t anything else.”

This is what Rob proclaims to Laura in the conversation when she tells him she was more interested in music during their courtship than she is now. It’s a patently self-pitying statement on his part that doesn’t go unchallenged by her in the moment or bear fruit in the rest of the novel. Yet, it’s this type of uncomfortably relatable sentiment that goes under-discussed. If High Fidelity will continue to have a life well after its cultural moment has passed, then it’s worth addressing what it offers on its own terms. Near the end of the book, Laura introduces Rob to another couple with whom he gets along quite well. When the evening comes to an end, she tells him to take a look at their record collection, and it’s predictably filled with artists he doesn’t care for, e.g. Billy Joel, Simply Red, Meat Loaf. “'Everybody's faith needs testing from time to time,” Laura tells him later when they’re alone. Amidst Rob’s self-loathing and sullen pettiness, Hornby argues that one should contribute in some way rather than only consume and that, at some point, it’s time to put away childish ideas in order to get the most out of life. It’s an entirely untrendy argument, one that goes against the nostalgic spirit of superhero films and reboot culture, but it doesn’t lack merit. Accepting that some values aren’t conducive to a full life, especially when it’s shared with someone else, doesn’t have to mean abandoning interests or becoming an entirely different person. It just means that letting go isn’t an admission of defeat.

It’s why I’ve always found the proposal scene in the film to be quite moving, albeit maybe not specifically romantic. It plays out similarly in both the book and the film, but the film has the added benefit of Cusack and Hjejle’s performances to amplify the vulnerability and shared understanding. Laura meets Rob for a drink in the afternoon where he sheepishly asks if she would like to get married. Laura bursts out laughing and says that he isn’t the safest bet considering he was making mixtapes for some reporter a few days prior. When asked what brought this on, Rob notes that he’s sick of thinking about love and settling down and marriage and wants to think about something else. (“I changed my mind. That’s the most romantic thing I’ve ever heard. I do. I will,” she sarcastically replies.) He goes on to say that he’s tired of fantasizing about other women because the fantasies have nothing to do with them and everything to do with himself and that it doesn’t exist never mind delivering on its promise. “I’m tired of it,” he says, “and I’m tired of everything else for that matter, but I don’t ever seem to get tired of you.”

This sort of anti-Jerry Maguire line would be callous if Laura didn’t basically say the same thing to him when they got back together. (“I’m too tired not to be with you.”) It’s possible to read this as an act of mutual settling, but I always thought Hornby’s point was personal growth and accepting one’s situation were intertwined. The key moment in High Fidelity, the film, comes when Laura finds Rob’s list of top five dream jobs. (In the book, Laura makes Rob compile the list.) At the bottom of the list, after such standard choices like music journalist and record producer, lies architect, a job that Rob isn’t entirely sure about anyway. (“I did put it at number five!” he insists.) Laura asks Rob the obvious question: wouldn’t you rather own your own record store than hypothetically be an architect, a job you’re not particularly enthused with anyway?

It’s Laura who convinces Rob that living the fifth-best version of your life can actually be pretty satisfying and doesn’t have to be treated like a cruel fate worse than death. Similarly, Rob and Laura both make the active decision to try to work things out instead of starting over with someone else. Laura’s apathy may have reunited them, and Rob’s apathy might have kept him from running, but it’s their shared history that keeps them together. More than the music and the romance, High Fidelity follows the necessary decisions and compromises one has to maneuver in order to grow instead of regress. “I've been letting the weather and my stomach muscles and a great chord change in a Pretenders single make up my mind for me, and I want to do it for myself,” Rob says near the end of Hornby’s novel. High Fidelity’s emotional potency lies in taking that sentiment seriously.

[just-another-ficwriter]

Betrayal - Part One

Pairing: Sweet Pea x Reader

Words: 1200ish

Warnings: Lying, betrayal

Summary: When the reader’s past comes back to haunt her, she stands to lose everything; her friends, her boyfriend, the life she’d built for herself. With Sweet Pea refusing to talk to her, she agrees to do the one the she thought she’d never do.

Notes: My first ever request, thank you @rye128! This was originally meant to be a one shot but it was way too long so I’ve made it into a mini series, part two coming soon! I hope you like it!

Toni watched you and Sweet Pea from two booths back, a smile pulling at the corner of her lips as she playfully rolled her eyes. The two of you were sharing a milkshake, giggling over something she couldn’t hear, your grins wide.

When you’d first walked into their lives 6 months ago she’d been sceptical, cautious of the lack of information you shared about your past. But seeing how smitten Sweet Pea was by you, how happy you had made him she quickly changed her mind and now she couldn’t imagine the group without you.

“Aren’t they adorable?” Fangs voice was soft, barely above a whisper almost like he was talking to himself rather than Toni as he slid in to the seat next to her. “I’m totally jealous.”

“Really?” Toni shot him a look, igniting the smirk that threatened to show over his confession. She watched as his cheeks turned red, knowing that even though she agreed, she’d never admit that she craved that kind of public affection.

“I mean gross.” He shifted awkwardly, clearing his throat, hoping to rescue some of his tough guy exterior. “Definitely gross.”

-

“And where do you think you’re going?” Sweet Pea’s voice was rough and gravelly, his eyes barely opening as his hand caught your wrist and pulled you back down onto the mattresses.

“Pea we’re gonna be late.” You giggled as you protested, sinking back against his body anyway, the warmth too inviting to object.

“5 more minutes.” He begged, his arm already wrapping around your waist. “I wanted to ask you something anyway.”

“Yeah?” You hummed, eyes fluttering closed.

“So I’ve been thinking... I know we said we wouldn’t do anything for our year anniversary but I have an idea.” He was trying to keep his tone level but you could hear an underlying nervousness that had you feeling uncomfortable.

“Should I be excited?” You forced a laugh, trying to fight the anxiety building within you.

“I was thinking maybe you could join the Serpents? You know, officially?” You shot out of bed before he even managed to finish the sentence, practically falling to the floor in the process.

“Pea I already told you when you asked the last time.” Your eyes refused to meet his, too afraid all your secrets would start to spill the minute they did.

“I know I just thought that with us.... that we could change your mind.” Your heart ached as he tried to remain hopeful, the disappointment rolling off him.

“What that I’d suddenly want to dance half naked on a pole in front of a bar full of men?” You snapped, voice sounding bitter than you’d intended in to, desperate to keep up your lie.

“I mean I’m not exactly thrilled about that part either but-“ A pang of jealously had Sweet Pea clenching his fists but he pushed it away, knowing the outcome of the dance would be worth it in the end.

“No buts, it’s not happening, end of discussion.” You shook your head, stance on the subject firm as you started to grab your things and turned your back. “I’m going for a shower.”

-

“Jug said you wanted to see me?” Sweet Pea hesitated in the door way, panic clouding his mind as he tried to think if he’d done something he shouldn’t have the last few days.

“Pea, come in.” FP looked up from the papers on his desk, removing the glasses off his nose so he could run a hand down his face.

“What’s this about? I swear I didn’t-“ He took a seat as he started to ramble, his sweaty palms rubbing against his jeans.

“You’re not in trouble.” FP interrupted him, struggling to find the words to explain what he needed to. “I just wanted to ask you... how well do you know Y/N?”

“I mean she’s been my girlfriend for almost a year? I’d say pretty well.” He paused in confusion, eyes narrowed at the man in front of him. “Why?”

“When you told me that she didn’t want to join the Serpents officially I thought it was strange, especially considering she’s practically one of us anyway.” Sweet Pea found his leg started to bounce in anticipated, his patience falling away the longer FP took to explain. “So I did some digging.”

“You spied on my girlfriend without telling me?” Sweet Pea was back on his feet, the chair dragging along the floor boards behind him as his eyes widened in disbelief.

“Boy sit down.” FP’s voice was more stern now, almost commanding as he waited for Sweet Pea to listen before it soften again. “This is what I found.”

Sweet Pea watched as a picture was slid across the desk towards him, even more confused now than before. “But that’s- that’s the ghoulies.”

“And that’s Y/N.” FP slowly pointed you out in the middle of the group, and braced himself for Sweet Pea’s reaction. “I’ve only just started piecing things together but it looks like she was with them for about two years before she came to us.”

“This can’t be happening.” Sweet Pea forced his eyes shut, urging the evidence to be wrong as he felt his whole world shatter around him.

How could you have lied to him for so long?

“Do you know where she is? I was hoping I could talk to her, figure this out.” Sweet Pea’s eyes snapped open to meet FP’s, a burning anger evident in his dark pupils.

“Downstairs.” He was back on his feet again, the chair falling to the floor with a thud this time as he turned to leave.

“SP wait!” FP knew it was too late, Sweet Pea was already out of the office and half way down the stairs by the time he managed to reach him.

“Hey babe-“ You smiled when you saw him, not picking up on his mood until he cut you off.

“Is it true?” Everything about Sweet Pea was cold, from his icy glare to his frosty tone that had you frozen in place.

“Is what true?” You titled your head to the side, eyebrows furrowed together as you suddenly became very aware of everyone else around you.

“Is this you?” He shoved the picture into your chest and once you caught sight of it you couldn’t tear your eyes away.

“Yes.” Your voice was a strangled whisper, every bit of air escaping your lungs as you chest became tight. “But I-“

“So FP’s right? You’re a ghoulie?” The room fell silent as his words echoed off the walls, every head now turning towards the two of you.

“No, not anymore more-“ You were desperate to explain, the walls feeling as if they were closing in as you knew you couldn’t lie anymore. Tears began to prickle in your eyes as you saw the look of disgust on his face.

“Screw you.” You tried to reach out to him but he only pushed your hands away, a snarl curling on his top lip as he pushed past you. “I’m done, I want nothing to do with you.”

Sweet Pea Masterlist

Notes: Will Sweet Pea forgive the reader?

Taglist: @rye128 @lookinsidemyhead

[vsuvia]

and many more...

for @doggonudez — happiest birthday to you!!! since you’ve been on your modern au kick lately, i wrote you a little modern au. As A Treat. i hope you like it!!!

It’s already dark by the time you get back to your apartment. You drop your bag right inside the door and make a beeline for the couch, slumping down onto it without bothering to take your shoes off, your face pressed directly into the pillow.

Today was a long day.

Studying, work, it felt like everything had dovetailed to make today a huge busy blur, a series of messes that needed untangling one after the other. You had hoped for a stress-free birthday at least, if you couldn’t take the day off, but obviously that had not been in the cards for today.

The thing that stings the worst is that you can’t even spend time with your boyfriend. Julian’s a recently graduated med student, and he’s on residency right now, meaning that your time with him is few and far between, limited to odd times and brief rendezvous, over coffee or a quick dinner, his eyes always tired but alive with excitement. He loves what he does, and that makes you happy, but it’s a hard road to get there.

Part of you is tempted to just fall asleep. Sure, you have friends and relatives who probably want to talk to you, but you’re exhausted, and it just... doesn’t feel like a birthday when it’s like this. So you stay exactly where you are, and allow yourself to wallow for a little bit, until you feel your phone buzz, trapped between your stomach and the couch cushion. With a sigh, you wiggle it out and peer at the screen.

Up for a birthday surprise? the text reads, with Julian’s name attached.

What is it? you text back warily. You love him, you really do, but his surprises can miss the mark in a big way every so often. Thinking back to the medical oddity museum he took you to that one time, you suppress a shudder.

Check the doorstep, he replies nearly instantaneously.

Okay, so he probably sent you something; maybe a cake from your favorite bakery, or flowers. That’s sweet of him. You haul yourself off the couch and over to the door, undoing the locks and sliding the chain off, then swinging it open and crouching down to the mat to pick up the package—

Except it’s not a package, it’s the beat-up toes of black boots. Julian’s black boots.

Your eyes travel upwards and you meet his gaze, only to see him grin; his usual sideways smirk, but maybe a little... nervous? “Happy birthday, darling, er... surprise?”

You almost cut him off with the force of the hug you give him, launching yourself slightly upwards to wrap your arms around him tight. He lets out a small oof and drops his several bags on the doormat to hug you back, lifting you off the ground a bit. Warmth floods through you, so fast you almost feel giddy. “I thought you had work tonight,” you say as he lets you down gently to the floor.

This time, his grin is far more cocksure and closer to how you’re used to it. “Took off ages ago. I wanted to give you a surprise.”

“If I’d known we could have planned something fancier—”

“As much as I love fancy most of the time,” he says, folding his hands into both of yours, “all I really need is an evening at home with you. And I think something a tad less involved is called for today, hm?”

Thinking back to the texts you sent him throughout the day venting about everything that went wrong, you nod fervently. “Yeah. Definitely.”

He bends down a little to pick up the bags he’d discarded, one of which is insulated. In a gesture of reference, he lifts it a little. “Dinner. I, ah, may have taken off tonight but I didn’t have time to cook, so I enlisted Mazelinka to help make it. I hope that’s all right...?” From under his hair, he looks at you askance, and you can’t help but suppress a laugh as you nod. Your stomach is growling just thinking about Mazelinka’s amazing cooking.

“There’s a cake in this one,” he continues, indicating the brown paper bag dangling from his other arm. “I called Asra to ask him what your favorite flavor was, so if this is wrong, kindly blame him.”

“Then the last one is your present.” That bag is far smaller, and looks almost brocaded, a gift bag for sure. You raise your eyebrows in silent question, but Julian shakes his head. “Ah-ah-ah, no hints. You’ll get it after cake and candles and birthday wishes.”

“Right now my birthday wish is a kiss from you,” you murmur, and watch his smile soften into something deeper, that look reserved almost exclusively for you.

“My dear, that’s a wish I’m always happy to fulfill, birthday or not,” he says softly, and closes the gap between you.

***

Dinner is a fairly speedy affair to cook; everything just requires heating up, which is good because as soon as Julian started unpacking it, you realized how hungry you had been. After the day you’ve had, it’s such a relief to sit and spend time with him, enjoying the amazing meal Mazelinka had cooked and chatting. It’s been a while -- far too long -- since you two had the chance to take your time and just enjoy each other’s company.

Once you’ve eaten all you could of the wonderful dinner, Julian whisks away the plates with a promise to take care of the dishes later, then returns, with candles lit and aglow atop the towering cake. It bears a Happy Birthday, and your name, in your favorite colors, with accompanying icing rosettes, and it looks like a vision in the light of the candles. You close your eyes, but with such good things present in your life at this exact moment, it takes you a while to think of anything to wish for.

The cake is as good as the meal, good enough to almost make you forget about the small bag waiting to be opened next to you. However, you haven’t let it slip your mind completely, so once both of you have devoured your slices, you turn to it with an eager expression. Julian gives it a little push towards you, his nervous expression back. “I, er, I hope you like it. I can always return it -- well, I can’t really, it’s custom, but I can give it away and get you something else if you don’t w--”

“Julian.” You interrupt his spiraling, careening train of thought, and lay a hand over his on the table. “I’m sure I’ll love it.” And without giving him a chance to talk himself out of it again, you undo the small ribbon tying the bag’s handles together.

Inside is a small glass pendant on a delicate gold chain. As you pick it up and dangle it, it catches the light, and the contents within, something small and pure white, move slowly and fluidly. It reflects small beams onto the wall, refocusing the light softly and beautifully. “Julian, it’s stunning.” He’s always had good taste in jewelry; he seems to understand your style perfectly, knowing the right balance of beauty versus delicateness and never going overboard.

“That isn’t the entire gift, exactly.” He runs a hand through his hair and then takes your hand, and your heart starts pounding. “I... I love you very much.” It’s not the first time you’ve said this to each other, but every time he says it, you can’t keep the smile off your face. You let it spread now, and it seems to calm him a bit, invigorate him as he plows forward. “The inside is salt. From, er, from the Caspian Sea. Pasha and Mazelinka and I, we’ve been meaning to take a trip back to Russia for a long, long time now, and we decided to go this summer, and I was... I was thinking maybe you would want to come with us.” He’s rushing the words out with his nervous energy again. “You know, see where we grew up, Mazelinka’s old haunts, all that, and if you’re not interested, well, I understand of course, it’s not all that sp--”

“Don’t say that,” you manage around the lump that’s sprung up in your throat. “It is special. It’s special to you, and that’s more than enough to make it special to me.”

He pauses. Blinks. His throat works, but nothing comes out for a few seconds, a blush spreading down from his cheeks, until finally he clears his throat. “You truly can make me speechless like no one else.” When Julian looks up and meets your eyes, he’s open again, that soft smile, private for you. “So you’d like to come?”

“I would love to.” And you mean it, more than anything else in the world. “I love you.” Well, except that.

He keeps smiling. That in and of itself is a present. “Happy birthday, darling. I love you too.”

[redmalbec]

My top 10 favorite openings

Yeah I know nobody asked for it, but welcome to discover new music and hopefully new animes/mangas if they catch your eye. I won't include openings of romcoms or a few slice of life stories since I should make a different list for them. I'll add the name of the band if I find it. There's a couple of songs here from animes I didn't watch. If you think there's another amazing opening that should be listened to, share!

BTW I tend to listen to music on Youtube music, if you can support the work of these artists with this app, or Spotify, iTunes, or CDs, please do it!

DURARARA!! [Uragiri no Yuuyake - Theatre Brook]

Wonderful music, I don't have much to add since I haven't watched the anime but it looks interesting. This only time I'll only share the link to the video (couldn't find an official one) since I reach the limit of linked multimedia.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=M5-4eQuExgE

MOB PSYCHO 100 I [99 - Mob Choir]

I always thought this was some uninteresting anime, and well I was totally wrong. The animation is AWESOME, the story is really cool and explores some interesting perspectives about life that other shonen (or seinen?) ignore. It has a different style, it's kinda plain at times (and this might be good because it avoids unnecessary complexity) but in my opinion, much better than some popular animes of the moment. I feel it's very original, and stays as part of my top 10 manga/animes too.

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FULL METAL ALCHEMIST BROTHERHOOD [Again - YUI]

This might be my favorite song. If I ever fall in a coma, try to wake me up with it, I'm sure it will work. I might be biased because this is the first anime I watched (when I didn't care about these kind of series) and I love it, and it's definitely my favorite (I was lucky to be gifted the first volume in japanese). The melody is calm and the lyrics are heart touching. FMA is a manga and anime you should add to your watch/read list without a doubt. Sharing short version of the song to find the channel of the artist.

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BOKU NO HERO ACADEMIA [The day - Porno Grafitti]

I will never regret being on the bus playing this song on my phone (with headphones) being seen by people who would think something about the name of the band (like listening to anime openings almost every day wasn't already a weird thing). None of the other songs of BNHA surpassed the greatness of this song IMO.

About it, even though it gets criticism I think it's a good story, and I feel it can be incredibly creative at times - there's a reason why it's so popular after all. I should also remark that it pays attention to a lot of characters, secondary or villains have good development (something that I haven't seen in other shonen or they fail to do it, and remember BNHA has A LOT of characters).

This story is definitely going to be long, I think it's close to reach its first half, expect probably 70 volumes or so.

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NARUTO [Kanashimi Wo Yasashisa Ni - Little by Little]

Wait? WHAT? Did you really pick this opening over Silhouette? I mean, no offense to Silhouette and the fantastic band KANA-BOON, but I've listened to it so many times (best memes lol), and I already didn't have it as my favorite. There are other openings that I love (Naruto Shippuden this time): 2, 3, 5, 9, 10, 14, 15 (Guren is the best one IMO), 16, 17, 20.

You didn't watch Naruto? Then what are you doing here? It's a must watch! It's a shonen with beautiful messages, inspiring characters, and this song probably embodies one positive vibe of the story - best part "the most important things are those without any shape".

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PSYCHO PASS [Abnormalize - ling tosite sigure]

This anime is definitely in my favorite list, I feel it's the best seinen I've watched. Its manga is an adaptation, but the original story is the one that's animated. Some people say that season 2 and 3 aren't as good as the first and honestly it's hard to do something more brilliant than the incredible season 1, nonetheless you would miss the progress of the story and interesting characters if you only leave at the first one.

It reaches some philosophical thoughts that not all sci-fi can explore on the same way. Don't expect it to be an easy watch though - you better click pause to understand every dialogue.

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SHINGEKI NO KYOJIN [Shinzou wo sasageyo - Linked Horizon]

Yeah, the first opening is AMAZING, but I might have a thing for 2nd openings. I must say that the synchronization of the scenes don't make justice for the melody of this song, though. Attack on Titan might reach the top 5 best shonen (is it shonen anyways?) anime/manga of all time.

I saw everyone talking about it and praising it, so I decided to watch the first episode and I couldn't get through it because of its disturbing art LMAO. My eye is accustomed to other kind of art, but I have to say I WAS TOTALLY WRONG. Good thing the second time I watched it I felt comfortable and discovered not only a mind-blowing story, but yeah, its animation is fantastic (take a peek at a few YT videos showing the process on the making of Levi's scenes). I only follow the manga to be updated, and I'm bad at recognizing characters, but you won't waste time or money by giving this one a chance.

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THE PERFECT INSIDER [Talking - KANA BOON]

I tell you, this is a list of favorite openings, it doesn't mean I've watched all the anime, but I'm going to do it thanks to these fantastic songs, and KANA BOON deserved a mention. Also known as "Subete ga F ni Naru" this seinen anime is based on a novel.

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MOB PSYCHO 100 II [99.9 - Mob Choir]

Wasn't this anime already on the list? No, no it's not (?) I mean, HOW CAN'T I INCLUDE THIS ONE. Fantastic. I thought I wouldn't be able to fall in love with the new opening but after listening to it twice I couldn't get it off my mind. There's a reason, well deserved reason, why it got chosen for the Crunchyroll awards...

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NEON GENESIS EVANGELION [Zankoku na Tenshi no Te-ze - Yoko Takahashi/Hidetoshi Sato]

Starts with an angelic voice to a disco-like rhythm, and it's without a doubt a fantastic song. This might be the most famous opening of anime. Pay attention or watch twice if you want to understand the story, though.

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🎹🎹🎹🎹🎹🎹🎹🎹🎹🎹🎹🎹

There is a song that's missing, don't you think so? This one can't be part of a top 10 because it's honestly so amazing that leaving it there would make it shine less, and it deserves the BEST recognition.

Special mention

TOKYO GHOUL [Unravel - TK from ling tosite sigure]

If I'm in a coma and the song Again didn't work, then this one will wake me up FOR SURE. I love how it embodies the angst of the story, the tragedy, the bad luck of the protagonist. I recommend to read the manga instead of keeping too loyal to the anime - it's no surprise that SP messed up with the storytelling of another manga... Did I say how hard it must be to play it on the piano? Or even sing it?

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[neuxue]

(Part the 1st)Now that you are in the Chapter 50-52 bubble, I wanted to share something. I've messaged you before about how your continuous comparisons of Rand and Egwene's arcs helped/caused me to see the depth and complexity of their relationship, and the way in which Egwene acts as Rand's counterweight in the series, providing the a balance to the Dragon Reborn in a series that is, at its heart, about how vitally important balance between forces is (at least within a strict binary system).

(Part the 2nd) In light of that I wanted to add that I had previously been a little dubious of your theory that Lew’s Theron’s voice in Rand’s head was actually a defensive construct and not necessarily Rand’s madness. It just felt like the writing was so clear that LTT’s voice was legit, and maybe it is on some level. But I was recently rereading earlier sections as part of another read along (it covers 1-2 chapters a week and is in the TSR, who will finish first? :P lmao). But I noticedin the lead-up to the battle outside of Cairhein against the Shaido, there are SEVERAL instances of Rand just suddenly *having* memories or knowledge from LTT… and at this stage there was no voice at all. The voice doesn’t appear until AFTER Rand nearly runs himself to exhaustion in that battle. And it’s presented so faux casually (as in, it’s a big deal and it’s pointed out, but within the context of us seeing the beginning of Rand experiencing the Taint. Much like the Joker’sline in The Dark Knight about people being ok as long as events are following “The Plan” even if The Plan is horrific. We are expecting to see Rand loosing it, so we don’t really over analyze it when it happens) if I had not been primed by reading your analysis from that perspective, I probably would have just KEPT reading and not noticed, so once again; thank you for this blog and for adding ever more depth and meat to this series for me!

Yeah, I do talk about this one a lot. I’m glad it works for you!

And in my defence, it’s because most of the time I’m trying to work out what’s going on, as new information comes in and things change. Because it’s definitely taken me a while to figure out what’s happening – and I could very well be wrong! This is one where I think there’s a whole lot of space for different reader interpretations, depending on what makes sense to you (and, honestly, on what feels more satisfying to you; I often feel like explanations of a character’s internal landscape or mentality or psychology work better when they’re left a bit open to interpretation).

Your description of it as a “theory that Lews Therin’s voice in Rand’s head was actually a defensive construct and not necessarily Rand’s madness. It just felt like the writing was so clear that LTT’s voice was legit, and maybe it is on some level” is interesting because I never really thought of it in those terms; this is partly no doubt because I’ve been trying to work it out as the story unfolds, but also because I think the very nature of the whole…situation in Rand’s head also changes as time goes on. But I suppose you’re right; that is sort of where I’ve eventually ended up.

That is to say, yes, I think at this point in time, what is portrayed as Lews Therin’s voice is not an accurate representation of Lews Therin Telamon as he was in life, and is more something Rand has – inadvertently and more or less subconsciously – created, as a way of dealing with something that probably absolutely no one is actually equipped to deal with.

But I think initially it was much closer to a manifestation of Lews Therin’s actual personality and thoughts, as they might have been if he were there to experience what Rand does. And in between then and now, we see a transition.

It’s something I definitely want to focus on more closely in a reread, because again, my own understanding and interpretation of what’s going on has changed so much as the story progresses, so I think it’ll be different looking at it from the perspective of having seen the whole thing.

That said, I see it as progressing something like this:

We start with not even a voice, but just occasional things Rand seems to know, or remember, or be able to do, that he has no business knowing in this lifetime. It’s like that barrier between lifetimes has been thinned and torn, and then things start to slip through. It’s hardly even noticeable at first.

Until it is, and we move into the beginning of an identity crisis, with Rand occasionally responding to Lews Therin’s name and not his own, or not even realising when he’s saying something that comes from Lews Therin’s lifetime/memories rather than his present one. Because he has all this extra stuff in his head, and right now it’s not compartmentalised at all, so he starts to get a bit lost in it, or inundated by it, and he doesn’t have a way of anchoring himself against it (because what is himself?)

Then it starts to become not just memories and thoughts, but an actual voice. Initially, like I said, I do think this is probably very close to how Lews Therin himself would have sounded; lines like ‘I would burn the world and use my soul for tinder to hear her laugh again’ certainly seem like something that would come from Lews Therin Telamon. But that’s part of the same extended scene where we get ‘for a moment, he could not remember his name’. This is the barrier actually starting to dissolve in places, and Rand is no longer ignorant of what’s happening but is terrified by it (and as a reader, I was as well! I’m a proponent of reunification now, but at the time? Yeah, watching your protagonist forget his own name seemed like a sign that All Is Not Well), and – crucially – has no real coping mechanisms for it yet.

That is, I think, where we start to see a transition from a clear distinction between Lews Therin Telamon and Rand al'Thor (perhaps ironically, as I think a lot of what happens next is because Rand’s afraid of losing himself). Rand asserts his own identity in TFoH (it’s a major part of the climactic battle, even), and in doing so he more consciously sets up this distinction between himself and Lews Therin.

Despite that, though, the barrier between lifetimes is eroding (this, I think, is the taint madness…I personally headcanon this as being the same for all saidin users, but people react to it differently and it manifests differently in each of them), so more of Lews Therin’s memories and knowledge and even personality are there, accessible, in Rand’s head.

So I read it as Rand…creating his own barrier, in place of the one that’s falling apart, in order to hold on to what he defines as himself. It’s a self-vs-other kind of divide he sets up…but this time he’s the one defining it, which means we see it manifest a little differently than the one the Pattern put there for good reason.

From about…oh, Lord of Chaos onwards, we get what I see as a gradual transition from Rand al'Thor 100% on one side of that barrier and Lews Therin Telamon 100% on the other side to…a barrier being there, but a mixing on either side of elements from each…personality? Lifetime?

Because Rand starts using the voice as a tool, as something he can point to and say ‘that is a madman; I am sane’, or as a source of knowledge, or as a touchstone of sorts, or as someone to bounce ideas off of, or – I think – something he can contrast himself with. Like a mirror he can look into, not to see what he is but to see what he is not (what he refuses to be).

And it’s this last one that’s crucial, because this is what I think causes a lot of the shift in the first place. Rand knows he is Lews Therin Telamon reborn. Rand knows what Lews Therin Telamon did. And above almost anything else, Rand is terrified of doing the same. So we see him deliberately setting anything that falls under ‘not myself’ or 'madness’ or 'killing everyone you love’ in contrast with himself; he uses it as a way to set some of those thresholds (that he later crosses), to set himself up as distinct from all the things he refuses to be. He needs to see them as separate entities in order to hold to a) his identity, b) his sanity, and c) his hope of…not a second chance, exactly, but of not repeating Lews Therin’s fate. His autonomy, I suppose.

But then we start to see that shift, as well, because now it’s no longer the actual barrier between lifetimes that seems to exist (and for good fucking reason) in everyone, if this is a world in which everyone is someone reborn but no one remembers their past lives; but is instead a replacement barrier. A barrier Rand has made for himself, in order to keep his identity and sanity and autonomy safe.

Because ultimately here’s the thing: Rand and Lews Therin aren’t separate, really. Rand is Lews Therin reborn, so it’s the same…person? Soul? Entity? Whatever you want to call it, but with two distinct lifetimes and thus sets of experiences. It’s just that the files have been corrupted and there’s this weird bleedthrough, so the separation isn’t working the way it should, and everything we see next is Rand trying to, essentially, figure out from this mess of two lifetimes who he is (and who he wants to be). Does that mean shutting one entire lifetime away? But what if some of it is useful? Maybe some of who he is now is anathema to him, given what he has to do, so maybe it’s better if that gets shut away. Maybe he should take some of that old knowledge, maybe he should recombine some things (maybe he should learn from his past, both successes and mistakes, so that he can take this as a true second chance). But to go from zero to just accepting the whole thing is uh…unrealistic at best, so instead we see Rand struggling with it, and the situation evolving as a result of that.

And yes, I think a lot of this comes from how everything is presented in the story, and how it unfolds, and how we’re primed to interpret it. It’s one of my favourite aspects of Rand’s character and arc, honestly, and is definitely something I intend to spend some more time on during a reread or post-series.

[roastedlizlow]

Series: Collar x Malice Pairing: Yoshinari Hideaki/Hoshino Ichika Prompt: Red Anemone WC: 2597 Author’s Note: This was inspired by the project a friend and I are hosting, Otoge Hanami! Yoshinari wasn’t one of the characters we decided to add, due to him only just getting a side story in Unlimited, but I still adore him, and his interactions with Hoshino, very much, so I decided to roll up my sleeves and write this piece for him with our prompt in mind! I sincerely hope you all can enjoy this sweet boy as much as I do!

                                                                            ALSO READ ON -> AO3 !

Hoshino Ichika, twenty-one years old, a member of the Shinjuku Police force in the SRCPO. One younger brother, Hoshino Kazuki, still in high school. She’s a rookie, with a passion for the job, justice, he learned a lot about her, and discerned that there was, indeed, not a threat in her. It’s been a long road, but he’s glad he’s gotten to figure out all this alongside her.

There’s a light in his eyes that could very well be unmatched by the very stars themselves, but he’d say the exact same thing about her. In fact, he’d say she is a star, because that’s really what he thinks. Sweet, determined, bright, she’s become such an amazing hope that he can’t help but really want to support her.

Okazaki’s teasing has become relentless because of that.

But he can live with that. It was going to come no matter what anyway, because at the slightest bit of interest, his senior was on it. But he trusts her. Well, he’s come to, because any proper officer on an assignment such as he is must be cautious. It’s been a bumpy road, but he’s glad he’s come to know her.

Hoshino Ichika, twenty-one years old, a member of the Shinjuku Police force in the SRCPO. One younger brother, Hoshino Kazuki, still in high school. She’s a rookie, with a passion for the job, justice, he learned a lot about her, and discerned that there was, indeed, not a threat in her. It’s been a long road, but he’s glad he’s gotten to figure out all this alongside her.

He’s put training into action, and action into development.

Okay! Time for a meet up! Hoshino-san, please leave everything to me!

He’s gotten the permission, the okay, just in case, to clear up Hoshino’s thoughts, to help with her brother, to stay by her side, and keep things safe as the looming threat of Adonis remains. He steadies himself, beginning to type a message, his fingers moving so fast it only hits him that he might have made a typo.

To his relief, he checks out just fine.

[ LEAF: from Yoshinari Hideaki ]

All clear!

[ LEAF: from Hoshino Ichika ]

Then, it’s alright for you to keep helping me?

Yoshinari smiles. He really can’t help it. Hoshino makes his heart fluttery. Perhaps he’s the one soft like cotton candy, in this case. His eyes close, calm before a storm, content in just this moment, as though this being his last wouldn’t be so bad, then, he managed another reply.,

[ LEAF: from Yoshinari Hideaki ]

ヾ(๑╹◡╹)ﾉ" Of course it is, Hoshino-san! It’s my pleasure!!

[ LEAF: from Hoshino Ichika ]

Thank you very much! I look forward to working with you more! ( ◠‿◠ )

[ LEAF: from Yoshinari Hideaki ]

Yeah! Let’s do our best! See you in a bit, in the usual spot!!

A beat reflects in both of their hearts. Soft, pure in nature, but Yoshinari can’t help but feel like it’s pounding. He likes her, he likes her, he really, really likes her!

Of course, in the back of his head, he can hear Okazaki’s teasing, gritting his teeth and preparing himself, somehow, his energy is capped! He tries to find his footing in reason, in working it all out, overflowing, rather loudly, running his feelings verbally. Get it out, get it out before she gets there, while Okazaki is working a different edge of the floor.

Haaa, wouldn’t she think that’s just like him?

———

Hoshino steps out of the Detective Agency’s office, her feet moving quickly. She motivated to do something, as always. But she halts midstep once she hears a voice, realizing that it’s her name that’s being mentioned. “Yoshinari-san..?” She whispers. Walk any further, and she’d probably make him really jump... or, would he know, since he’s so observant? That’s likely the case, actually... She doesn’t want to interrupt him at this second, even if she meant to speak to him. Approach the situation with care and reason...

So she presses her back to a wall, just out of sight, trying to limit the amount of noise she’s making, and trying her best not to so casually eavesdrop. She’s curious, but that would be prying too much, wouldn’t it? If she were to break his trust, then the peace and cheer he’s given her, that precious, clean cloth... might stain red...

Should she send him another LEAF, telling him she’s on her way out? Should she tell him she’s going to be a little late, or that they should meet somewhere else, like at that cafe nearby?

“Hmm?” Without any warning, Okazaki is beside her. Where did he..? Her eyes flash to him, and she doesn’t have time to think of a response, since he just keeps talking, “Yoshinari-kun is really interesting, right, Ichika-chan~?” Okazaki gives her a friendly smile, his usual at that. He then tilts his head, leaning past her. Does he know something? Here, she’s caught, red-handed, hiding like this... but he...

“Okazaki-san--”

Okazaki looks right at her, warm smile not dropping, motioning, as if he’s saying that she can listen. Nothing... secret then..?

“Y-Yeah, yeah, Okazaki-senpai, I really do like Hoshino-san!” Yoshinari grumbles. “That’s why... I...”

W-What?

Yoshinari-san... he..?

Hoshino gasps, audible, loud enough for Yoshinari to hear. He quickly turns, seeing only a flow of her hair, followed by rapid footsteps. Ah.

Ah...

She heard, she heard his confession...

That’s what he gets for running his mouth, and getting way too caught up in that momentary flare that he... that he... well, now that it’s way out of the bag, he’s got to catch up to her! They have a job to focus on, but he’s also been charged to defend her, and he needs to go explain himself.

[ LEAF: from Yoshinari Hideaki ]

Wait! Listen!! Hoshino-san, I... (＞人＜;) (＞人＜;) (＞人＜;)

Hoshino turns a corner and breathes in, feeling the heat on her cheeks remain. All she needed was another moment to regain a clear conscious, to focus on the task at hand and push it back, but she...

She looks at her phone, noticing the influx of messages. She really would hate it if it ended, because really... she... she relies on him, she wants to face everything with him, right, she has to face him with the conviction she has to resolve everything else.

He’s cool, in his own way, and she’s going to return the favor.

[ LEAF: from Hoshino Ichika ] Yoshinari-san, please calm down! Together, we’ll do our best, so, I’ll be right there, to listen to you, properly.

Just as she spins on her heels to go back to talk to him properly, arms wrap around her.

“..!”

“Hoshino-san, let me say it the right way this time! I know my job is dangerous, I know I tend to speak quickly, but I really do like you!”

“Mmm,” Hoshino smiles. His determination, her heartbeat, it matches up, perfectly. “I believe you. Yoshinari-san, you’re a really bad liar.”

“Ah!” Yoshinari feels his entire being jump. A good look at her face, that familiar power of it, the adoration lighting her up. “You are too!” But that’s... that’s really how he knew he could put faith behind her in the first place. Truthful, steadfast,

“Haha,” Hoshino lets out a laugh, relived, good-natured, adorable. “Then, I—”

She wants to answer him, to release those feelings she’s become ever conscious of, the words that ring in her ears, the instinct that draws her, but he denies it with a quick motion, “Stop! Stop!” seeming to echo around them, making sure that things line up so that he can now look her in the eyes, seriously.

“Please, wait a minute! Before you answer me, let’s finish this!”

Foolish, perhaps, but he wants to make sure that he’s definitely worthy for her. It could be a ball of regret, but is she does shoot him down, or if she does accept him... either way, he doesn’t want those emotions clouding his head when he has to focus on his job! Getting it off his chest directly, since he slipped up, that’s enough for now.

And... having something to look to after Adonis... that’s much better sounding. More of a reason to live, more of a stand to look death right in the face.

“Ah, but--”

“It’s a promise! Leave this to me, please..!”

Hoshino has to give in, because she trusts his word, trusts it dearly, “Rely on me as well, Yoshinari-san.” She says this as she firms her stance, knowing well that any injury he sustains for her sake would worry her more, but... at least, at least she knows she can stay beside him.  “Let’s do our best.”

He nods. For the future, this will go on. It’s fitting, the usually observant officer thinks, that he’d see lovely white flowers nearby, ones that seem to speak of good fortune, of hope. Carrying those... as part of a match to what he’s already said, might better solidify things, so he runs over to pick two of them, handing her one and putting the other in his jacket pocket. “Very sorry about that, but there’s more proof that I’m really serious!”

Hoshino looks at the flower, an anemone... it seems, and thanks him quietly. He’s got a bit more to say, doesn’t he? Everything really is stacking up... what will happen? Will the petals find red grazing them, or will they be the charm that carries their new bearers out of harm’s final way?

Yoshinari continues, a breeze sweeping their hair just slightly, “As an SP, and as someone sworn by your side, I will do all I can to protect this world with you, and you as well!”

---------

Love is messy, delicate. Like cotton candy, it can be torn apart by the simplest of touches.

But... it is also resilient, and it has helped them stick together through all the ups and down. He’s heard so much more from her, seen so much from her, and only hopes he can return it all with the same care and passion. Every little word, gradually builds up upon each other, even ones that had once previously forsaken him (like “Yoshinari-san, you’re such a good friend!”) become markers for tomorrow.

Accidents will be accidents. His job keeps him away often, but he tries his best to come home without a single scratch (though this certainly doesn’t always work out), beaming at her as sputters something absolutely embarrassing. She laughs as always though, bright fire dancing in the green hues of her eyes, relief trembling her fingers as she laces them with his.

Death’s door may truly be where all SP agents stand before, but there’s something really convincing about the way he wears his badge, all the recipes and reviews he brings back from his far-away trips, the adoration in his voice as he calls her name and nearly crashes into her, near every time.

Cute as ever...

A thought they both share.

So as habits form and promises continue, he takes in another moment. She’s wearing the hair pin he picked out for her a little after the climatic conflict, the pin that matches the flowers they kept in their pockets that day. Of course, he always has the matching one with him, in the same spot, close to his heart. Just another indication of how powerful their love is, he thinks.

“Okazaki-san sent me a LEAF yesterday,” Hoshino begins, “He said the cafe has a surprise menu, and that we should try it.”

Yoshinari freezes, squeezing her hand. He just got back and there’s already interference in his love life... Well, he knows that Okazaki does believe in him, despite the ‘No chance~’ teasing, but to suggest this... isn’t that just fueling his curiosity? He’s not going to just pop in is he? “Okazaki-senpai, even now you’re out to get me, how cruel..!”

His worries are probably all over his face, as well as in the pressure of his grip, because Hoshino is quick to swing his hand, giving a light laugh, “I think it’d be fun!”

He can see the way her expression changes ever-so-slightly as she rests her gaze on him. Gentle eyes, understanding and familiar, not knocked down by every last trial they have faced, not barred by the fact that he lays life on the line every time he’s away. Of course she’s worried, but she trusts him to make it back. He’s learned a lot, he’s observant, skilled, and he doesn’t want to leave her lonely.

“Well, if you’re going to smile like that, then I can’t fight it at all! Yeah, I’ll brave it all in order to spend time with you, even if it might be a trick from--”

“Um,” Hoshino cuts in, “It’s okay. I look forward to today!”

“R-Right!” Yoshinari shakes his head, rather vigorously, and clenches the fist of his free hand, eyes lighting up. This is a real date with the women he loves, and these thoughts are returned! It’s so fortunate that the cloth stayed ever resistant, that nothing needed to go cold in order to save the warmth of the city, of her smile.

They all know that he would give his last breaths to making sure she thrived. It’s in his job, his promise. But she’s tough. She worries for him, just as he worries for her, but she knows, knows well that he’ll come back.

At least she has all the hope that he will, every single time. Maybe he’ll come back with injuries, which he’ll brush off with a light “I’m fine, absolutely fine! It’s not that bad!” but... it’s him, it’s really him, the cheery, genuine disposition she’s grown so fond of staring right back at her without hesitation.

They find themselves seated in the cafe soon, Yoshinari thinking long and cautiously on whether or not he should get something from that specific menu and risk getting a mouthful of exactly the opposite of what he wants but Hoshino assures him that it’ll be fine, that Okazaki’s probably had him try stranger.

He takes one bite out of something that looks like it should be sweet, but it ends up being extremely bitter.

“Grk-! H-Honestly...”

“W-Well... it’s a surprise, huh?”

“Y-Yeah...” Yoshinari sighs. Aside from the bitterness of the dish, it’s not that bad. If he wrote a review, just for old time’s sake, would she read it like she used to before?

As he thinks about this, Hoshino claps her hands together, which brings his attention back to reality once again. This should be a way to really boost his energy right back up, right? “Oh! I wanted to prepare a meal for you, because you’re back...”

It works just as she wishes it does, and he perks his head up, moving his arms in a cheering motion, wincing just slightly. Ah... he was hurt this time then... Without a hitch... well, she’ll sort that out by making sure he gets rest! But, he’d want the same for her too, since he’s all too aware of how much she’s been working again...

“Really?”

“Yes! I’m really glad you’re back.”

Something hits him within his excitement, thoughts of a phrase that should be a routine comeback from the careful “Have a safe trip,” parting words.

“W-Wait, I was so happy to see you that I forgot to say it!”

Hoshino awaits his coming words, knowing exactly what’s coming. It’s truly like him to do something like this. Serious when he needs to be, but ever sweet, she’s so fortunate to have had a partner in discovering the truth like him. And he, well, he feels like he’s lucky he was allowed to stay near her, that she ended up so just and good-natured, that she’s... herself. There’s still much that’s left to figure out, still much to sort out, as far as life goes, but her hand is the one he’s so glad he gets to hold.

“I’m home, Ichika-san!”

“Welcome home, Hideaki-san.”

[wherespacepooh]

Yuzuru Hanyu x Ice Jewels Special Interview (Vol. 7)

Translated by gladi. Please do not repost without permission. Thanks! (Aaagh need to catch a train D: Happy birthday-in-north-american-timezone, boy!) 

Post-Autumn Classics

––––  Reflecting upon your first competition, what were the positive things that came out of the Autumn Classics?

YH    I learned many different things. Recovery alone isn’t everything – that was something I felt keenly. Especially because, in that competition, all the point-getters were in the second half; in that sense, from the second half onward there was a driving sense that I must somehow [recover]. And since, at the time, my second half layout had started to become considerably stable, I also had confidence. Out of that, I ended up making a mistake on my first Toe Loop, and while I was thinking I had to do something one way or the other, I messed up my second [Toe Loop] as well. That sort of chaos and confusion is something unique to competitions, so while I think it’s good that I got a feel for that in the first competition, at the same time, I thought I must [manage to recover] one way or the other and, because of that, I ended up leaving behind a lot of points. I only did one Axel this time, but it was just that I had originally been constructing this program with my ideal layout. I didn’t want to ruin that program itself, so I was reluctant to change the layout. In that sense, it’s not a give-or-take but, in the worst case, when a lot is happening, attack alone is not a way to gain points––“to attack = to score” is not the case––this was a competition where I really felt that.

––––  With what aim in mind did you approach this first competition?

YH    I had wanted to do the 4Lz in this first competition. To do the quad in the free, and the 4Lo too, then three quads in the second half plus 3A––my biggest goal was to try out this layout properly in an actual competition. Actually trying it out, I could learn positively how much burden this layout brings (to the foot) and how it’s necessary to be careful. Additionally, through training with the competitions in mind, my technique is improving immensely, and I’m also mastering many ways to jump. So, although I couldn’t do all the jumps, I was also able to study the process of reaching [mastery].

––––  There was the announcement that you would be proceeding with caution due to a knee problem, but have you also considered withdrawing from [ACI]?

YH    I have this memory––almost trauma––of injuring my knee; [back] in the 2013 World Championships, and it ended up taking two months to heal this knee. You could say I was young and rash, but at the time, it got to a point where I couldn’t walk. I continued to do the Salchow, as well a lot of other things [thinking that] I must also raise my skating quality, and eventually I was left with this regret of injuring my knee. This time, if it were to get as bad as it was then, I wouldn’t even make it in time for the first event of the Grand Prix Series in October. If I don’t make the Grand Prix, then I will only have one shot with the Japanese nationals. And when the Pyeongchang Olympics is the competition following the Japanese nationals, definitely it would be too much to adjust. That was the greatest worry, so the decision to attend the competition this time wasn’t actually so easy.

World’s highest score ever in the SP

––––  Even so, you rewrote the world record score in the SP with a layout of lowered difficulty. How did you feel?

YH    In a sense, I felt relief. In the worst case, if my physical condition weren’t great and the Loop didn’t fit as I had wished, but it was a competition that I absolutely must win––and that may be the Olympics or the Japanese nationals––if the time comes and I must win this solidly, I think I can win the short with this layout, I think I can lead… for an instant, I did think that. But in the end, looking back after the free, I just don’t have motivation without challenging myself after all. And that is something I felt immensely.

––––  You hit the world’s highest score ever with just the 4S. Even though it’s fine not to go for the challenge of a [more] difficult layout and that thought has crossed your mind, as an athlete, [you choose] to challenge.

YH    Yes, of course. As a mental image in my head, beginning from the opening melody of “Ballade No.1,” a spread-eagle goes straight into a 4S that connects to [another] spread-eagle, after which I do the spins. It’s not that I can’t imagine this layout in and of itself, but it’s that I think it was being completed [then and there] as it was. Though, it may possibly have been completed in this competition. 　　But to my current self, “Ballade No.1” is 4Lo after all, and there are things you see only because of the Loop, or probably things that are different somehow. Although I think everyone perceives and feels in a different way, right now, that piece [stands] to me because of the Loop, and executing it without the Loop is out of the question. Whether I do 4S or not, do I feel that way or not––these are entirely irrelevant because that spot [in the music] has by now become 4Lo in my head, and my heart is completely set.

About the Quad Lutz

––––  After returning from the Autumn Classic, did you restart training with your original layout, with the 4Lz incorporated, right away?

YH    It wasn’t immediate. First I had to confirm whether or not I was able to jump the 4Lz, and although I was also doing the 4Lo at the official practice, at most it was about once per day. So first things first, getting back to a form capable of pursuing [these things] was a must. After that, I’ve been gradually building up on training; because I hadn’t been jumping – couldn’t jump – for too long, I had the sense that I was quickly losing my mental image.

––––  The work of regaining [your jumps] must be difficult.

YH    Although for the 4Lo, the feeling is close to “regaining,” in terms of the 4Lz, my body had pretty much no memory. In my mind too––I haven’t memorized the feeling [of the jump] to such an extent yet, so probably it felt more like “rebuilding” it.

––––  You were jumping clean 4Lz’s during this year’s ice show practices, weren't you?

YH    I trained with good mental images during the summer and there was good technical support; I was able to practice my jumps with focus. At that stage I wasn’t yet in a hurry, feeling like I must run through the entire program or that I must do something, and since my drive to incorporate the Lutz was strong, I was able to focus. In a way, I think it was because all these conditions were present that––not only technically––I was also able to have the image [of the jump] in mind.

Post-Rostelecom Cup

––––  You took on your programs, returning to the original layout [you had in mind] at the Rostelecom Cup. What do you think about the FS with the new layout?

YH    That it’s difficult, after all! Although, if I were to name one point of compromise (t/n saving grace?) in my mind, I think it would be  that, great! Given around two mistakes, I still managed to be in first place. After [landing] the opening 4Lz, although I started to pop the 4Lo, I thought I saved it well with a triple. And regarding the 4S, I was glad that I didn't pop it despite the axis getting slightly misaligned. 

　　I completely missed the timing of the second half 4T and doubled it, but that couldn't be helped. The three jumps that came after (4T+3T, 3A+2T, 3A)... in my impression, I finished them off in good form.  

　　This felt completely different from how my first events have always been. This time, before the Autumn Classic, that I will be up against Vincent Zhou, or Javier Fernandez, or against Nathan Chen for this competition... I practiced with these assumptions in mind. We were crafting the programs really early on, and I think that led to this result.

　　Every single year, I tend to fall into the pattern of hastily starting out at the first Grand Prix event; I am aware of that. Also because of that, I understand that this is the period when most injuries happen, and I think it's really quite difficult to manage both training and preventing injuries, maintaining a good balance between the two. But, because I've been able to get somewhat further along into my skating compared to my usual, there is this feeling that my programs have slipped into my body.

––––  While you created your programs early, there was a lot of news coming in––other competitors getting great scores at the Lombardia Trophy and US International Classic of the Challenger Series, [so-and-so] did a quad, and so forth. How did you react to that?

YH    I think there was anxiety. Because from my experience having skated for all this time until now, like it or not, I have been made to realize that I am a slow starter. But what I am really thinking about is the approximately 30-point increase here compared to my past first Grand Prix events thus far. Taking that into consideration, the quality of this season's training is completely different from anything thus far, and I think the significance of what I have so far come to accumulate is entirely different.

　 Be it training or my private day-to-day, I have been continuously pondering about how to direct everything for the sake of skating. Of course, there are also times, say, when results don't follow and it's agonizing. However, of what's been accumulated, there is this feeling [of certainty] that, without doubt, it's all building up.

Heading towards the Olympics

––––  Are there things that are different from usual particularly because this is the season going into the Olympics?

YH    I keep thinking, let's build up the body soon. It was also the case in the Sochi Olympic season, but I feel that matching my peak to the World Championships in March is out of the question (t/n too late).  If it doesn’t go well at the Olympics, [it could be] that I haven’t directed/thrown enough of myself into the skating and the lack of efficiency, or inefficiency in the way I raise the precision of my jumps too; I think there are many possible causes. The way it was when I was 16 or 17––Ban-ban! Jumping and falling and jumping and falling, but it’s fine because from then on the body will remember––something like that I must no longer do. I have to do what suits my current body after all. But I’m doing more difficult things than I was before. My ability to recuperate is also completely different. It’s essential to train while facing [the way] the body [is], and it is how well one will train that is crucial––something that I am sensing this season.

––––  Hanyu-senshu’s body has grown. Did the way you build up muscles change as well?

YH    I haven’t been thinking about it though…

––––  There is the impression that Hanyu-senshu is slim, but you’re actually quite muscular and firm.

YH    I haven’t been doing anything at all to bulk up like in weight training. 　　I’m slim in terms of build to begin with, and it’s perhaps exactly because I am not the type to build muscles that I have a narrower axis, resulting in beautiful jumps. But if we speak of stability, I think it is the type of skaters with a solid build and a low center of gravity who are advantageous in jumps, such that they are able to contain it with their core even when they are somewhat off-axis. 　　If I start doing that in jumps, although I’ll be stable, I’ll also have completely lost my own merits. My lack of stability is my weakness. My being twice more nervous than others, and feeling twice the pressure of others too, stem from the challenging conditions––how should I put it, the low precision at the actual event? Or more precisely, [the way] my jumps don’t come to be unless everything falls into place. 

　　Even so, after worrying myself sick over many, many different things, what I’ve finally arrived at is that there is also strength in [what I am] after all. It works out somehow––putting together the conditions [that make it click]. Training my mind, taking care of my body, properly advancing and improving and so forth. In order to accomplish that, so many people take care of me. I thought that, should I change my build and give up on my own style of jumps in search of stability, most probably I would no longer be able to return to where I started.

––––  Do you go for stability or [your own] strength… it’s all about the balance, isn’t it?

YH    It’s imperative to always keep balance in mind. Before I really used to forget myself. Until around last season, I would forget myself. But this time, when I decided to jump the 4Lz, I thought that I must seek stability after all. Watching various skaters’ performances, reflecting on questions like, when is a Lutz perfectly fitting in? The conditions are only too tough after all.

       　My own way of expression is [like] pieces of glass.  Really beautiful when they fit [together] successfully, but if they don’t, I could even break myself, and actually I have had the experience of injuring myself. If [these pieces] don’t fall smoothly into place, mentally I become a mess as well, and I can’t fully trust myself. But, without such shortcomings, I couldn’t have become stronger, and I think it is in overcoming this that I am strong. My own physique and the foundations of skating that I’ve learned until now… no matter how I struggle, these aren’t things that change within months. What I can change is in how far I could [knock at] these unsparing conditions, little by little, and make them easier. If I make them too easy, then I end up heading [solely] toward the direction of stability. So, even under unsparing conditions, to what extent can I stoically preserve my own self while acquiring, building up on various things––I think that is, to my current self, the most crucial point at the moment.

––––  You successfully landed the 4Lz in the free skate of your first competition. Did you feel relieved?

YH    Thankfully retaining a 100% success rate in my first event (t/n - challenging a new jump), it feels like fate. (4T in 2011, 4S in 2012, 4Lo in 2016 – he has been successfully landing the various jumps in each season’s first event) I just really felt the joys of being able to go for something resolutely, after all. Different from a skate where I am thinking  about something while skating––must hold back here, don't do this, must do that––being able to go decisively for a skate, being able to skate resolutely with trust in my own body,  that really is a moment when I am glad that I am participating in this sport. 

       I was able to land the 4Lz in the free skate; and I have yet to skate clean in my short program with 4Lo in the layout but, actually, I’ve been continuously landing the Loop in the later half of last season. Since there’s no longer a sense of challenge in that (t/n landing the Loop in and of itself), I’ve a strong urge to go clean on this layout.

His experience in Russia

––––  It’s been a while since you’ve competed in Russia. What is your best memory from Russia?

YH   My best memory was attending training camp (in the 2011-12 season). I have the impression that I went through very intensive training. It was during a really cold time, and my physical condition wasn’t so great either. But the scenery, Russian signs, or whenever I hear conversations in Russian, I think, truly, I’m glad I worked hard then.

       If it weren’t for the World Championships then (2012), I definitely wouldn’t have gotten where I am now. Even now, when I skate to “Notte Stellata,” my exhibition number, I recall [those] lessons––express it this way.

       I wasn’t even there for a full month, and I was only taught for about 20, 30 hours or so, but truly, truly, [that experience] is one of the bedrocks of my skating today.

––––  Do you feel that there is Russian tradition in [your skating]?

YH    Is it Russian––or perhaps it is the fundamentals of coaches Natalia Bestemianova and Igor Bobrin’s way of thinking? I think I was able to learn a lot about the fundamentals of expression from them.

––––  What are the aspects where those lessons remain, even today?

YH    Since I moved base to Canada, and because the Canadian and Russian ways of expression are completely different, I’ve been thinking what sort of expression suits Asians, who are neither Canadian nor Russian.

       What I get from speaking to many different people is that, since I train in North America, there is a bit of “North Americanness” in me, but my way of expression isn’t purely North American in style. If anything, it’s Russian. I guess I’m in the Russian vein in terms of systems of expression, but it also isn’t that I’m only specializing in that. After all is said and done, it’s great [the way I am] because there is a fineness/suppleness in my jumps that are characteristic of Asians, and because every one of these [traits] are leveraged––so I’ve been told by quite a few people and for which I count my lucky stars as a skater. In a sense, one can be glad to have been born as a Japanese. Personally, I began my training in Japan, and my teachers in Japan have their various methods of teaching, so I have those teachers to thank as well; then after that I went to Russia, went to Canada… because I’ve really been soaking up a variety of things, I think there is a lot of different elements incorporated within me.

––––  You chose the Rostelecom Cup for your first event in the Grand Prix Series. It’s a different start to the season than usual.

YH    What I’m most glad about––isn’t that I’ve landed the 4lz, nor that I’ve found issues to work through due to mistakes made in the short program. Rather, it’s that I got to skate before Bestemianova & Bobrin, who had taught me at training cap in Russia, and Tarasova-san, and then the fact that I was able to skate here in Russia.

       Although I didn’t do well at all, nor was I able to meet with the three of them. Tarasova-san has been taking care of me, even now, and coaches Bestemianova & Bobrin are two people who’ve created my foundation. Without their mentorship, I wouldn’t have been able to get this far. In a season’s first event where I must bring out everything I have acquired so far, performing before such people––I could do more of this. I must also do more of that! I must pay attention to things like this! –– I was really sensing this all over again.

       In both “SEIMEI” and the short program, I had to focus on the jumps. Especially since it’s the first event of the season, I myself was also [generally] highly focused toward jumps. But, speaking of the exhibition this time, I redid its choreography after the end of the free skate event. I was thinking to myself that I wanted to further develop my interpretation, and to bring it even closer to the artistic culture of this land that is Russia. To this extent, I learned and I was immensely stimulated. I really can’t help but to be glad that I got to skate here.

––––  There was so much applause during the exhibition.

YH    I am so glad to be skating––the thought comes up when my challenges against boundaries and difficulties in jumps go well. More recently, though, people are clapping not only at jumps but also during other parts, and I am still so happy about that. The feeling during the spins, the feelings that are imbued in each movement in the performance––this may be something I learned from Mansai Nomura-san, but I really have this feeling that because there is meaning in each and every [expression], people responded with sensitivity, reacting candidly to it. In such moments, I think of how truly glad I am to be skating and, to me, Russia is probably the starting point of my being able to think this way.

[entergamingxp]

Final Fantasy 7 Remake Review — For the Reunion

April 6, 2020 6:00 AM EST

23 years after Final Fantasy 7 changed the gaming landscape forever, Final Fantasy 7 Remake seeks to revisit Midgar on a scale we could only dream of.

Final Fantasy 7 Remake is here at last. Hoo boy, where does one even begin?

Say what you will about the original Final Fantasy 7, but its influence on the gaming landscape was massive. It’s not a legacy you can simply ignore, whether you like the game or not. There has been a huge amount of hype and expectation for this remake, and the team at Square Enix has seemingly shown every bit of acknowledgment and respect for that going forward. It’s because of that legacy that I must lay down a couple of points before we begin.

First: I have endeavoured to make this review as spoiler-free as possible. That includes both the events of Remake and of the original. If you don’t know what specifically happens in either, I’ve got you in mind. For those who do know spoilers, I urge you to keep them quiet to fresh players as well. Just go and look up the raw, unspoiled reactions to That Scene from the original; it’s something best preserved for people to experience fresh.

Second: my credentials. I’ve played the original Final Fantasy 7 to completion at least once, and other attempts at playthroughs more than that. This was well after the 1997 release (probably first around 2005), and I went in already knowing about That Scene and other spoilers. FF7’s impact on gaming and JRPGs had been well established by then, so I arrived late. Nonetheless, I thought it to be an excellent game and thoroughly enjoyed my playthrough. It isn’t — and wasn’t — my favourite Final Fantasy game, though it’s never strayed far from the top of the list.

“It’s inevitable that opinions of Remake from any source or outlet will be coloured by prior attachment and sentiment to Final Fantasy 7 (or lack thereof).”

Lastly, I’ve also seen or played most spinoffs (notably Advent Children, Last Order, and Crisis Core). That’s a little less pertinent to this review, but fans of those products can take heart: there are nods to these in the game, as well as style choices that reflect them in places.

Hopefully, now you can approach my words on Final Fantasy 7 Remake with the full context of my connection to the original. It’s inevitable that opinions of Remake from any source or outlet will be coloured by prior attachment and sentiment to Final Fantasy 7 (or lack thereof). As such, take my words as a guideline and use them to make an educated decision of where you’ll land.

Remake Part One

If you’re an FF7 fan reading this review, you’re probably here to find out how much of the game is present. Remake has been split into multiple parts after all, and this is just the first. Square Enix did this to cut as little as possible from the game, sparing no expense in remaking it to the fullest. Having now finished, I can say that they achieved that aim so far.

Content wise, there is a full game here, and my playtime ended at 43 hours. This entailed playing on Normal from start to finish along with being thorough and doing as much side content as I could. Further, additional perks and content become available once the credits roll. If you’re worried that you’re paying full price for an unfinished game, don’t; this is as much a full release as any newly numbered Final Fantasy title, and without Final Fantasy 15’s wealth of DLC required to make it whole.

“Pretty much every locale, scene, and story beat from the original is present in Remake.”

That said, Remake takes place entirely in Midgar, in contrast to the five to ten hours spent there in FF7. Pretty much every locale, scene, and story beat from the original is present in Remake. The additional time is primarily spent to bolster these moments, expanding on dungeons or smaller areas to give them the same scope. A tremendous amount of attention and care has been given to every facet, though. Character banter and dialogues are numerous, with a lot more cutscenes and chances for each to express themselves. Much of the runtime is used well, with new areas and events feeling interesting and consistent with Midgar’s style. Only a small fraction feels like genuine filler.

Final Fantasy 7 Remake is fairly linear at first. You’ll proceed through a chapter in a fairly direct fashion, with some side areas and branching paths to explore for treasure and extra fights. Once you move to the next chapter, you likely won’t be coming back. There’s a handful of areas where the game opens up, allowing you to explore a more populated area and take part in side quests and mini-games. One area relatively late in the game opens up quite a bit more, bridging a couple of areas together and allowing an open-ended respite before funneling you towards the final few chapters.

You’ll gain access to a chapter selection function once you beat the game, however. This lets you go back with an experience/AP gain increase and find anything you missed, as well as access the post-game content. I’ll come back to specifics later. So, how does it play?

Mechanics, Materia, and More

Final Fantasy 7 Remake continues the trend of Square Enix games becoming more cinematic and action-heavy in battles. If their aim is to make a playable Advent Children, they’re getting pretty close. This time around, the Active Time Battle (ATB) system of old has been merged into this for a pretty compelling take on an action/RPG.

You start the game as the main character Cloud. Combat will consist of utilizing his basic attacks, as well as manually guarding or dodging incoming damage. Your ATB gauge fills over time and increases when you strike, at which point you can open a menu to expend it. Time slows dramatically in the menu, letting you select from abilities, magic, and items. You can hold up to two bars of ATB (with the option of a third later), and every menu action requires at least one to use. These abilities and spells can be interrupted, but they hit considerably harder than your basic attacks. The damage difference is noticeable, so don’t come in expecting a pure action game; you’ll need the turn-based menu abilities to progress.

Once you get other party members, you can freely swap between them with a D-pad press. Characters you aren’t controlling will play defensive and try to get attacks in when safe. You’ll be the one ordering them to use menu abilities as they build ATB, though, and it becomes quite intuitive to cycle through them as you need.

To keep things fresh, each party member has a set of different mechanics and playstyles. All have an attack string and guard/dodge options, but that’s where similarities end. The triangle button is dedicated to the character’s unique actions. Cloud swaps to a slow-moving, hard-hitting Punisher stance, Tifa has finisher attacks based on the stacks of an ability she has, and so on.

“Of the handful of hybrid action/RPG systems the series has tried, Final Fantasy 7 Remake definitely feels the most well-done.”

Charging time is pretty slow if you aren’t getting in the thick of it, but this also leaves you quite vulnerable to attack. Guarding is a trade-off, as it slows your passive ATB gain dramatically, so trying to stay aggressive and dodging smartly is encouraged. This is further compounded by each enemy having a break meter below their health; hit them enough or with certain attacks and you’ll pressure them, which usually stuns them and makes them take more break damage. Max it out, and you’ll stagger them, wherein they’re completely stunned and take a large increase to all incoming damage for a time.

Of the handful of hybrid action/RPG systems the series has tried, Final Fantasy 7 Remake definitely feels the most well-done. It avoids the spamming of items from Final Fantasy 15 and ends up feeling like a Final Fantasy 13 that you actually control.

If this seems basic, there are further ways to supplement your moves. New abilities are gained in two ways: learned from specific weapons, or gained by equipping materia. Weapons are spaced out throughout the game, and each has a specific ability. Use that ability in battle a handful of times and you’ll achieve proficiency with it, whereupon you can use it regardless of your weapon.

Materia is the major noteworthy mechanic from FF7, and it’s been carried over almost identically to Remake. You’ll find materia orbs as you explore, and these can be set to slots in weapons or armor to gain their abilities. Furthermore, you’ll level the materia through AP gained after battles. A Fire materia will grant the Fire spell to the character while held, for example, and can be leveled up to access Fira and Firaga. Materia can be freely exchanged between characters out of battle, and most strategies for tougher fights will hinge on your setup. Different materia types can offer passive buffs, active abilities, or even massive summons that can be used only in specific fights.

At first, you won’t have much materia to play with, and even fewer slots in your gear to equip them. Cue Remake’s weapon upgrade system. Every time a character levels up, they’ll get 5 SP to spend, with bonus SP available from side objectives later. Each weapon has a unique “core” skill tree, and SP unlocks nodes on it. Each unlock grants the weapon new passive stats, modifiers, or even materia slots. At certain level thresholds, you’ll gain access to new sub-cores to further customize them.

What’s more, each individual weapon gets all your SP retroactively, so no need to pick and choose which to invest in. This means that if you like Cloud’s Buster Sword, you can absolutely keep it relevant throughout the entire game. All weapons have their own unique identity now, with stat priorities and abilities that you can prioritize based on circumstance or playstyle. The build options are quite diverse, and since you can reset them for a small gil fee, there’s no wrong way to approach it.

All these systems are in service of allowing you to customize your characters for the battles to come. Each ability has its uses, and there’s a good selection of materia to play around with. What I found most limiting about the battles, then, is the action parts.

Those who played the demo might have expressed some misgivings about the lack of variety in Cloud’s moveset. For those who feel that this is pretty basic, I’m sorry to say that it won’t get that much more diverse. Almost every ability and materia is one selected from the menu, not in your basic attacks. The different playable characters and conditions of encounters might shake things up, but it’s the ATB spenders that receive most of your attention.

I found this especially disappointing because my expectations were set quite high from the outset. Exploring down a side path in Chapter 2, mere minutes after where the demo ended, I found the Deadly Dodge materia; this changed Cloud’s attack string immediately after a dodge into a larger AoE one. Finding this so early eased my fears that the combat would feel similar for the whole runtime, then! Surely there would be other modifiers like it if I got this one so early?

Nope! This is almost the only materia like it in the whole game.

Much later, you can get the Parry materia (which lets you do a short hop and strike back if using dodge while guarding), and that’s about it. All other materia like it is simply a passive effect or occasional long cooldown. Otherwise, it’s all menu abilities that require ATB. This was tremendously disappointing to discover, and more options like that to personalize my general moveset would have been so much nicer to have. Even something like a perfect guard would have been great, though at least Cloud’s Punisher mode has counters on block. Perhaps that’s on me for coming to Final Fantasy 7 Remake having just played Devil May Cry 3, but that’s how I felt regardless.

That misgiving aside, the battles are nonetheless fun experiences. Bosses in particular tend to be larger than life affairs, with multiple parts to attack and various phases of the fight that change their mechanics. Again, those who played the demo will be pleased to note that more bosses play in the vein of Scorpion Sentinel than not. Some encounters can be pretty challenging, though for every game over I encountered (maybe half a dozen), a quick adjustment to my materia loadout and shift in strategy saw me triumph next time.

“There was a hell of a lot to love about the battles in Final Fantasy 7 Remake, and even if I had been hoping for more, it still stands out as a damn good time.”

Even regular enemies have individual mechanics. The circumstances by which the pressure and stagger systems are applied is unique to most enemies, so learning and exploiting their weaknesses makes the experience much smoother. There was a hell of a lot to love about the battles in Final Fantasy 7 Remake, and even if I had been hoping for more, it still stands out as a damn good time.

Mini-games are also interspersed throughout Final Fantasy 7 Remake. Most are variations of what was in the original, but there’s been a few added just to break up the routine. They were enjoyable for the most part, so there’s not much to say about them save that I appreciate the inclusion. There’s also a coliseum, letting you fight specialized groups under set conditions in exchange for unique rewards.

After the credits roll, you’ll gain access to the Chapter Select and can revisit any part of the game. You’ll also unlock Hard Mode, which doesn’t serve as a difficulty selection for a new game; instead, you can activate it when accessing Chapter Select. Hard Mode locks out your items and stops MP recovery from rest spots, but offers unique collectibles in exchange. New battles are added to the coliseum also. Those who want more even after the game is over shall find there’s at least a little to check out.

Overall, Final Fantasy 7 Remake kept my attention for the whole runtime. The only real lapses were a few areas of traversal that were overly drawn out, and some of the side quests felt a little mundane. Even so, these featured additional cutscenes and conversations with the cast that really furthered the attachment to the world, so it at least felt worth it to do them once finished.

Tifa fans should do all the side quests in Chapter 3. Just saying.

Regardless, it was an enjoyable game to play. A little more concession to action mechanics would be great, but the hybridised action/RPG implementation was otherwise very impressive. Square Enix definitely seems to have arrived at a happy medium that previous Final Fantasy titles didn’t manage, and I hope they continue with it.

Presenting: Midgar!

Presentation is the shining star of Final Fantasy 7 Remake. The demo made it clear that Square Enix wasn’t messing around, and it’s honestly one of the most graphically striking games I’ve ever seen. If any concerns were had about that level being impossible to maintain consistently, they certainly kept it close. Some of the larger open areas — particularly the slums — suffer from character pop-in, delayed loading on textures (if they aren’t just rough or muddy outright) and other small nitpicks. In addition, some cutscenes with minor NPCs talking to party members can be pretty jarring. They simply cannot match the level of fidelity achieved in rendering the main cast or other notable characters.

When the main cast is the focus and the set pieces are rolling, though? It’s far and away beyond anything else the series — or Square Enix in general — has produced. There’s a lot more daytime than the original game, so there’s enough colour variety to keep it from looking bland. Mechanical dieselpunk designs weave into gritty but “lived-in” slum streets. A pristine plate sector at night gives way to rusting maintenance structures underneath. The tall, clean and imposing Shinra HQ is met with the garish lights and noise of Wall Market. Midgar is a fantastically designed place and a treat to explore.

It’s not just the city itself that is well designed, though. To Square Enix’s credit, they have taken the sometimes goofy enemy designs from the original and kept them completely intact. High fidelity or no, it’s not afraid to take an enemy that is just a spiky dancing frog and have it make sense. There are even character dialogue and bestiary entries that further suggest how they work or came to be. If things didn’t have to be changed, they weren’t; they were just reimagined and made to fit.

“Midgar is a fantastically designed place and a treat to explore.”

All of this visual and design splendour is furthered by the audio quality. From start to finish, the voice acting and direction is stellar. Shelving the voice actors that played the characters previously was unexpected, but the new cast absolutely nails their roles. Most have emotional moments or serious scenes that the actors manage to capture effortlessly. Even the NPCs and minor characters have quality voice acting. Shoutouts, in particular, have to be given to Barret’s VA for one particularly memorable scene, and to Hojo who is suitably creepy and sinister in every appearance.

Last but not least on the presentation front: the music. Oh man, the music. NieR: Automata laid the groundwork for implementing dynamic tracks, adding layers as needed to change the tone of the same track at just the right moment. Everything that was learned from that game was applied wholeheartedly to Final Fantasy 7 Remake, and then some. Musical cues and stings are on point, highlighting crucial moments in the best possible way.

The original soundtrack is regarded as one of the finest works of legendary composer Nobuo Uematsu. Now, most of those tracks have been remixed or remastered in a slew of creative ways, but they almost always fit the tone required well. Some see multiple variations in different areas to wholly distinct effects. Music in the boss fights tends to really stand out, as the longer battles allow them to build up and crescendo during later phases. You know that the music is a highlight when songs are one of the main collectibles and each is a separate remix from their actual game appearance, all done in the style of music that might actually be made in Midgar’s setting. Genius.

There’s quite a lot to unpack and respect about the game on presentation. But all that presentation is in service of one thing: telling the story.

Reunions

I fully intend to avoid spoilers, so I will keep this section relatively brief.

The story of the original Final Fantasy 7 is one of the major elements that left a mark in gaming. These characters, their world, and their tales are iconic and beloved. Every moment of that story has been retained in full, just as Square Enix originally intended. Some trailers have hinted at adjustments and new developments — especially the launch trailer, which I encourage you not to watch for fear of spoilers — but this accuracy was paramount to the developers.

It’s safe to say that they achieved this. Every notable character, conversation, or location from the original game is included in Remake in some way. There’ll be adjustments, of course; they’re displayed in high fidelity and voice acted this time, so concessions will need to be made. But it’s all here, and the attention to detail in places was honestly staggering.

With that said, Square Enix had no intention of just retelling the same story verbatim. Additional scenes and moments have been sprinkled all throughout, with at least one early chapter composed entirely of new events. All of it builds on the original framework, strengthening it further. There’s more character growth, banter, and interactions between the cast than ever before. It ends up making them feel so much more real and believable. Even characters I wasn’t certain about initially won me over by the credits. This isn’t limited to the cast either, and gives the same treatment to villains and NPCs.

The fact that this is only a chunk of the complete tale means that certain events, characters, and flashbacks have been brought forward in the timeline. You’ll be seeing Cloud get headaches or recall memories of his hometown right out the gate… and that’s to say nothing of Sephiroth. Even so, all of these concessions are handled with the same care as the rest of the game, so their placement fits and strengthens the whole. Better to portray these scenes and build up the characters now than have them appear out of nowhere 10 hours into a second game, right?

Now… thus far, I’ve been talking purely about parts that primarily concern the original work. If this praise was also true of the wholly original plot threads and changes, I’d have no issues whatsoever with Remake’s story. Unfortunately, that isn’t the case. Far from it.

Early on, there will be a couple of divergences to the story that seem to be setting up a new sub-plot. These divergences increase in volume over time, and grow exponentially in the last two chapters. All the original beats remain, but they’re interspersed with these divergences, leading to a new climax and expanded conclusion.

“Genuinely, I was loving my time with it. But if the game had been a tasty meal up until that point, the final section soured it.”

And here is where it all started to come apart for me. For a brief while, I was ripped out of Final Fantasy 7 and dumped heavily into an unholy marriage of Advent Children and Kingdom Hearts. It was awkward, it was confusing, and it left me shaking my head in dismay. It felt massively out of place.

Did this part have to change so dramatically? Maybe. It wasn’t a true climax or game-ending point in the original, after all, and I expected some new conclusion and an added boss or two to cap off this experience. Yet, until now, it had been such a solid remake that made measured changes to supplement the classic story. Here, at the eleventh hour, it jarringly erupted into a massive spectacle that honestly felt like underdeveloped fanfiction.

When I say spectacle, I mean that it was spectacular to behold in terms of graphics, sound, scale… but it comes at a huge cost, and that cost is the integrity of the story going forward. This finale and the accompanying changes have massive implications for the future installments of Remake, all of which feel like they’re going to ride the divergence train at full speed away from the classic plot. Suddenly, the insane turns that things like Dirge of Cerberus took are looking far more likely in the future.

I had been enjoying Final Fantasy 7 Remake throughout the entire runtime, whether it was new or old material. Genuinely, I was loving my time with it. But if the game had been a tasty meal up until that point, the final section soured it. This isn’t just because they tried something new, either; I could easily forgive it if it was just a new thread that tried, landed flat, and wrapped up. No, this sudden divergence has ramifications that could potentially change all future installments in dramatic ways from what was expected, and I now find myself lacking confidence that it can succeed.

In conclusion: old stuff? Great! Supplementary additions to old stuff? Also great! Character writing, development, and worldbuilding? Excellent! Brand new stuff? Middling at best, potentially disastrous at worst. Most of my grievances with the game are almost entirely to do with that final section. I fully admit to bias in the kinds of stories and developments I like, so your mileage may vary. But I cannot say I walked away from the ending feeling happy.

A Final Fantasy For Fans and First-Timers

One of the big questions approaching this game is, inevitably, “Should I play this if I haven’t played the original?” That’s an easy answer: yes. Everything is here that made Final Fantasy 7 such a stand out of its era, delivered with some of the finest presentation we’ve seen in triple-A video game development. It’s a fun action/RPG hybrid with solid gameplay systems, a strong story, and a set of well-realized characters that suitably develop and bond over time. Fans of the original will inevitably spot more references or appreciate the extra nods, but even newcomers should be able to slip in and find plenty to enjoy.

Next: should you play this now, before the other parts come out? That’s a more tentative response, but yes. Had I not walked away from the ending with such mixed feelings, it would’ve been easy to recommend. Even without knowledge of the source material, the main story and throughline here is clear to follow and wraps up nicely. It’s mostly the setup of larger threads and what’s to come that have me so hesitant to recommend it, and I don’t think the ending was handled well. Buyer be warned, regardless.

“Final Fantasy 7 Remake is arguably the best non-MMO Final Fantasy game released in a very long time.”

Final Fantasy 7 Remake doesn’t replace the original. That’ll be true even when all parts have been fully released. Final Fantasy 7 will be a generational touchstone of gaming with a legacy that has lasted decades, and will remain long after the hype for Remake has cooled. I don’t foresee that same legacy being granted to Remake once the dust has settled, but it nonetheless stands with Resident Evil 2 Remake as a testament to the quality such a project can aspire to.

This is still one of the most excellently presented games I’ve ever experienced, and with a few tweaks for the next installment, that excellence might extend to gameplay and story too. Whatever misgivings I may have going into future releases, it’s undeniable that this was an enjoyable 42 hours marred by a single bad one. Even so, Final Fantasy 7 Remake is arguably the best non-MMO Final Fantasy game released in a very long time. Despite my qualms, it’s been a welcome Reunion.

April 6, 2020 6:00 AM EST

from EnterGamingXP https://entergamingxp.com/2020/04/final-fantasy-7-remake-review-for-the-reunion/?utm_source=rss&utm_medium=rss&utm_campaign=final-fantasy-7-remake-review-for-the-reunion

[lazuliblade]

Chocolate #23

Inspired by the Yuri on Museum clearfile of young Vitya eating chocolate at the post-competition press conference. His chocolate is the classic Russian brand Alyonka (history). I’m guessing it’s the Cup of Russia (not called “Rostelecom” until later) going by the Cyrillic letters on the complementary water bottles.

Chocolate #: 23 Competition: Cup of Russia Medal: Gold (So frustrating, though! I have to work more on the 3Lz in the Free after the halfway point...) Today’s chocolate: Alyonka (a nice fan threw these on the ice with a giant teddy bear! I’m feeling nostalgic today) Form: box of individually wrapped small pieces (they’re fun size!) Precious things to remember: Personal best in the SP and I saw the cutest dog while exploring on the first night here! It was so fluffy and its little yips[...]

------------------- It’s not like he’s particularly addicted to chocolate, it’s just that he doesn’t have the chance to eat it during the lead up to competitions. And as common knowledge dictates, when denied something you enjoy, it only makes you crave it more. So here he sits, post-win at the Cup of Russia, eating chocolate guilt free (Yakov even gave permission!) and contemplating the smooth blend melting on his tongue. It’s harder than he thought trying to recall the ghost flavors of chocolate from other countries. They’re faded snatches of memory that slip too easily and leave behind only a vague impression of what should be. It’s been too long, and yet not long-enough to warrant complaining.

“At least Lilia would be happy that I’m not corroding my teeth...” It doesn’t help much to make him feel better about completely cutting out sweets, but he made his choice. For the sake of refining his body into as fine a blade as the ones he glides on.

“One can’t cut through competition with a dull blade or a dull resolve!” (“You don’t have to declare everything, Vitya.”) He only knows how to go all-or-nothing, and if he eats sweets on occasion, then there’s no point to his initial adamant decision. But he does love chocolate...

So he formed this little ritual -- just something silly he does, really-- one box or bar of local chocolate when he medals. A small taste to keep him going, to entertain him outside of skating, and to get through endless press questions. “It makes competing in different countries interesting on a smaller personal level, Yakov! The flavors of the region I compete at - the flavors of the world, all within a chocolate bar! How amazing is that?”

Which is true. That is one way he views this project, but… it’s not actually some groundbreaking gastronomy research he’s conducting in the name of enlightening the world to the intricacies of cultural taste preferences (although he’s considered making a detailed log. His “All-or-nothing” intense nature making its appearance here as well). It’s just ordinary chocolate, and just a series of points scattered within the competition timeframe at that. Hardly the makings of a well-respected gastronomy article.

To the public it’s viewed as “Victor tries local food from every country he visits so he can experience the world’s cultures.” To his rinkmates it’s known that “Vitya is a master of his body and appetite and only allows himself one chocolate bar after a win.” To himself he says “it’s a small, insignificant project that brings me amusement.”

But honestly it’s “a way to taste joy. To physically imprint and take within himself those precious moments in a career that can end at any time.”

The method simple and honest in contrast to the eloquent, sparkling articles which the press spins in their never-ending effort to immortalize “Victor’s most precious experiences.”

This stupid sappy reasoning is kept close, and while he doesn’t mind sharing details about his life, sometimes it’s nice to have others believe the eccentricity as just a superficial whim and endearing quirk --  instead of a manifestation of his unexpectedly sentimental (read: tender) side. Among all the other carefully managed and carefully thought-out portions of his life, being able to do something solely for himself that is outwardly insignificant feels like holding a precious gem;

like winning platinum instead of gold;

like having some privacy.

Even though it’s “just chocolate,” eating it feels like winning.

...He genuinely does love chocolate, though. Alenka, Bovetti, Chocolat Bonnat, Hershey’s, Lindt, Meiji, Lotte, Soma...  So if he can get away with leaving the post-competition press managing to Yakov, and enjoy some chocolate while he’s at it, then in his opinion that’s just as good as standing on the podium with the gold medal around his neck. Gold is shiny, but chocolate is sweeter. (And in 10 years, he’ll find himself drowning in a different pool of chocolate and reassess that chocolate isn’t “just” chocolate, and “maybe I need to rethink that gastronomy pathway after all” and explore which chocolate in all the countries he’s visited since he started this meaningless pastime could match the heart-melting feeling and loss of higher mental processes caused by the rum-hued not-local delight he encounters in his own country. He doesn’t really eat chocolate anymore -- too many years limiting himself to a bar per win left him with a sense of wrong when he tries to eat chocolate outside of competition-- and he’s had many sweet triumphs to go with his mountain of gold, but locking eyes confirms that his initial opinion hasn’t changed: Chocolate is definitely better than gold.)

[beatsfortheillperth]

Words with Weirddough Part 2

Francis Zapanta aka Weirddough out of Las Vegas, USA is an all-around blessed beat-smith and individual whom inspires us to continue expressing the love here at beatsfortheill. His positive essence and compassionate ideas make listening to tracks like “flowerz” and “reup” that little bit sweeter. Not to mention how Francis makes one appreciate the ever adapting and growing beat scene of our generation with a little more integrity.

Currently studying to become a Social Worker and working on his next album Elevatormuzik pt. 2, Weirddough is a creative that is showing no signs of slowing down and we love it. Creating music that inspires a warm heart and a mellow vibe, Francis is a genuine example of musical greatness.

So relax and enjoy words part 2 with one of our favourite beat-makers here at beatsfortheill Australia.

Inspire, Love, Relate

Hey, Francis, it’s great to chat with you again, so many releases since we last had words with you. How about we start off by asking what hip-hop means to you and what inspires you most within the hip-hop scene?

Glad to be back, thank you for having me.

Aw man, it's a culture. A way of life, an art.

I've always admired it from a young age and am forever a student of it. There are so many forms of hip-hop and it branches out into so many concepts and can fuse with almost any style.

I have always loved sampling, as to where, like in hip-hop; in other elements like b-boying, or graffiti, there are rudimentary basics and fundamentals that you follow. Once you’ve got the tools down, you can freak it in your own way.

You find that formula, your own bounce and groove. I like how people express themselves in their own way, hearing their soul in their music, as an extension of themselves.

Away from music what do you spend your time doing, and what are you drawn to on a general basis?

I've had 9 to 5's, I recently worked at a poke restaurant not too long ago. I'm currently studying to take my board exam to become a licensed Social Worker and I eventually want to go back to school in the future.

For those who are new to your sound how would you describe your music and for fun which one of your tracks would you recommend one to tune into?

I would just say it's Instrumental Hip-Hop. A reflection of what I'm feeling at the time. I would recommend “how did you know” off of Love Spells.

Who are you vibing of art and life wise as off lately that you feel our readers would love?

When it comes to drawing and painting, definitely Katsuya Terada. He freestyles huge ink drawings and they're ridiculous. I just love his line quality and his style.

Check out his Instagram @katsuyaterada.

Also, Boy Kong. He is super ill. Super talented individual. He does graffiti, murals, installations, and even tattoos. I love his vibrant colour choices and the way they pop.

Check him out, his Instagram is @boykong.

There's always a book I love reading called The Law of One by Ra. It's a book written about the universe which contains exact transcripts recorded by people while they were channelling Ra, who was an extraterrestrial being from another planet that was trying to help mankind.

You’ve been linked up with beatsfortheill as a collective for a while now, but away from beatsfortheill what other collectives and labels do you represent? Can you share them with our readers and the mission each represents?

The first label which I was really surprised hit me up was Paxico Records. I had the honour of dropping a project with them. They are a movement representing so many talented artists that I listened and looked up to.

This is quoted from the website, www.paxicorecords.com:

"Rare & recent worldwide. We create works of art with their own mythology and folklore. The slow-growing, idiosyncratic collection of handmade records and art is an ongoing study of futurism and folklore realized in a series of releases. Each release is organized to show the special rapport between its audio and visual components."

I am also part of a collective out in Las Vegas called The Rabbit Hole. It's a group of producers and DJs. We tried expanding the scene out here through throwing monthly events every last Thursday of every month. Come through if you're in town!

This was taken from therabbitholelv.com:

"The Rabbit Hole holds monthly events as a music experience that takes our audience on a wild trip with performances by producers/DJs showcasing styles from left field bass, hip-hop instrumentals, and experimental beats. Our sounds are combined with live visuals by the best VJs in the city to elevate your senses and push the experience that much further. We aim to raise the community by establishing a profound music culture."

Paxico Records on Instagram @paxicorecords

The Rabbit Hole on Instagram @therabbitholelv

You’ve been creating beats for years that have inspired others to keep creating and sharing their own sounds, much love. What do you feel keeps you going within music?

At first, creating something really helped with my condition and it was a form of therapy for me. I used to reach out to other artists and told them that their music really helped me get through things when times were rough.

When other people started reaching out to me, doing the same, it felt like a synchronicity that I had to keep in momentum. It became more of a selfless ritual.

There is nothing more rewarding to me than helping others, in any way. It's more than music to me.

What gigs have you performed at that you find have ultimately helped you connect with your fan base on a deeper level? In saying that what do you love most about performing your music to a live crowd and how do you feel listeners react to your music?

The first time we performed out of state was in Arizona. The people out there are so chill and humble. It was all love that night. A real cool cat approached me and told me how my music inspired him to be a better person among other things. I almost shed a thug tear haha. That meant the world to me.

We shared so many laughs that night and now he is a real close friend. Shouts to Jamar for everything and the hospitality.

If I play an all original set that night, the best thing about it is seeing and hearing how people resonate with it. Also, playing like a 90s joint or some James Brown and seeing everyone dance and have a good time, I love that.

You released a track called Baby Steps through Paxico Records, though it’s only a minute and a half it somewhat takes the listeners on a journey through time dabbling in so many genres, basically it’s beautiful! How did Paxico Records get a hold of you and what was it like putting this track together?

Thank you. The homie Chris hit me up through Instagram and complimented me on one of my drawings. I was honored he was feeling my beats too. We eventually started chatting about doing a release and that Baby Steps joint was a track off Love Spells that dropped around Christmas 2013.

I just chopped it and tried to keep the arrangement simple and similar to the original. It was one of the last joints I made while I was working on the project.

Last time we shared words you mentioned enhale as being your favourite track that you’ve put together. A few years have passed since then and I was wondering, is enhale still your go-to or do you have a new favourite track that you’ve put together?

I think I have a different favorite haha. That itsu track off of Conversations.

I made it during the beginning stages of using the SP. I love that sample, and it was crazy because I found it online from like a radio station from the 80s that used to play funk and rare grooves.

What is your favourite part about experimenting within music and how do you feel your music has grown since we last linked up?

I feel like it's grown a lot. Just the way I approach it now, and how it sounds. I've definitely started experimenting more within my work. Also with other genres.

My favourite part about it is discovering a new technique that you didn't know before or making something out of the ordinary actually sound decent.

Messing with other genres almost made me feel like I started over again. It's refreshing to feel that hunger when you first start making music.

Staying on the topic of genre experimentation, you've been working on some new material as of lately. Stuff I was privileged to hear, you're dabbling with house music too. Can’t wait for you to release these tracks as I feel they will without a doubt take their listeners on a soul-soothing journey. In a way that I feel your new projects somewhat show an alter to your usual approach, much love. Can you share what inspired you to put your new tracks together and what message are you trying to humbly portray through your newer releases?

I just always had an idea of making something more uptempo. I originally wanted to make juke, but I had no idea how to make it. I started messing with house drums and added loops to it and it didn't sound too bad.

The other beats I shared with you are from a new project which will be a continuation of a past project. It's still in the works. I'm trying to go back to that sound I started with, in just a more evolved manner.

Have to mention your tracks “greeninblue” (that piano is so damn healing) also have to pop in your track “floating”. Those vocals literally have one upon a cloud in awe, intertwined in that subtle sax, I'm definitely refreshed with each play, much love! 

Both tracks are actually available for download via your ep good juju that was released in September. 

What inspired good juju as a whole and what was it like putting the tracks together for this deeply beautiful release? Also, what’s the reason for the name “good juju”?

When I was working on stuff at that time, it was a bit after I started sampling some newer music, like after the 2010s, and I eventually made a few songs that sounded kind of cohesive. I struggled with coming up with a title for the longest time and that delayed the release haha.

Then I remembered a time when I was in the hospital, another patients and I were on a smoke break. Someone did something that was off in etiquette, and the dude said, "Nah, that's bad juju. Do it this way for good juju."

After he said that I always liked the phrase and what it encompassed. I felt like saying it, portrayed it nicely, and I wanted the project to reflect good karma, fortune, and luck.

good juju - released September 1, 2016  

Over the years what have you learned most about collaborating with other like-minded artists? With more years of experience behind you, what do you feel you enjoy most about the process as of now?

I have learned that collaborating is not for everyone haha. I'm honestly not consistent with collabs, but when it works out it's amazing. I love how each person's flavour is in the collab, and if you flow together it ends up sounding like the best version of each artist. Sometimes, you get surprised like, "Damn, I wouldn't have thought of that." And you always learn new methods from one another.

Any gigs or new release coming up that we should keep an eye out for?

A record with the Virginia rapper DooF will be coming out on vinyl. The gawd KVMI and I will be dropping a collab tape in the near future. Also, that solo project I mentioned earlier will be coming out this year.

Be sure to cop the Fuzzoscope Earwax Shelf Life Compilation that recently came out. Available in digital, cassette, and vinyl: https://fuzzoscope.bandcamp.com/

The next event I will be playing will be a Rabbit Hole Show on June 24th with artists Cecil Purihin, Illathnmst, Linafornia, and Samiyam at the Bunkhouse Saloon, Downtown Las Vegas. You don't wanna miss this!!

Musical Inspirations?

My all-time favorite producer is KanKick. His album "Acid Massive Musical" inspired me to make beats.

Everyone from Oxnard, Madlib, Oh No, etc. Everyone in Green Llama, Dibia$e, selfish., Van45, Fluent, etc. Luke Vibert, Boards of Canada, Inland Knights. Kool G Rap, Black Moon, Cru. There's so many.

Newer producers like Ohbliv, Mndsgn, Devonwho, and LowKey that's also in Green Llama. This kid is the truth!! So young, and such a beast.

Everyone at Paxico and Dirty Tapes, I really love what they're doing. My local homies, Bhonstro, Oneonthebeat, Lwkylky, Mayneframe, Jeb, Supreme-O, Mute, PhillyZane, Monro, somanyfeels, david.cuf, shouts to the family.

Thelonious Monk is my favorite pianist because his style was so unorthodox. I can go on, I'll stop now aha.

Music Recommendations?

If you haven't heard of him, check out Roddy Rod. He's crazy on the chops.

Benny B. Blonco! His kicks shifted my lungs.

Van45, he's super slept on. He used to go by Varan back in the Myspace days, he was one of my favorite producers when I started.

Shouts to the homie lastnamedavid, he put me on to Steve Lacy who is the guitarist for The Internet. He recently came out with a project called Steve Lacy's Demo It won't disappoint.

Any Last words?

Thank you again for having me. Shouts to beatsfortheill and much love to you Sophie. I appreciate the opportunity.

Thank you to all my listeners and supporters, you keep me going. I love all of you.

Shouts to the music homies online, hope to meet you all one day. You know who you are.

Love to my family and friends out here in Vegas. Always got my back no matter what.

Special shoutout to the wifey Shana. She hasn't left me yet hahaha just playing. You're all the support I need, thank you for supporting me with everything and helping me be a better person. I love you.

Shouts to you for reading this, I enjoyed this time.

Hope you have a great day.

Much love and many blessings! Peace!

Support Weirddough Here:

Soundcloud- https://soundcloud.com/weirddough

Bandcamp- https://weirddough.bandcamp.com/

Facebook- https://www.facebook.com/Weirddough-188034481246489/

Twitter-  https://twitter.com/weirddough

[toraonice]

Yuri on Ice 2017/02/11 all night event report

I’m back from the event and I’ll write a report before going to sleep, mostly because I’m sure I will not be able to decipher my scribbles when I wake up... It’s not the full talk show since you can’t record it and also I couldn’t possibly write down everything, but I tried to take note of most things, especially stuff that has never been mentioned elsewhere. In the end it became quite long so I guess I was able to get most of the stuff down...

Needless to say it’s my notes, so other people might write about parts I omitted, etc. To be honest quite a few of the things they said especially in the beginning, like what the seiyuu think about their characters, is something I’ve read so many times in interviews that I could almost answer in their place, lol... I was a bit disappointed that one of the questions that was answered is the one about Chris’ mysterious acquaintance, because actually Kubo answered that in Pash already (it’s in the Q&A part I’ll be translating later), and I hoped they would feature questions about stuff that hasn’t been explained yet. Well I guess not everybody reads interviews, but still...

Due to the format of the report you can find my comments here and there, mostly in brackets. Under the cut because it’s long.

I forgot to mention something important: the ones participating in the talk show were Mitsurou Kubo, Toshiyuki Toyonaga (Yuuri), Junichi Suwabe (Victor), Kouki Uchiyama (Yurio).

The talk show was divided into 3 parts: short program, free skating, interviews. The “short program” was mostly them saying basic things like impressions on the show etc, the “free skating” was about curiosities and other things that can be said now that the anime is over, and the “interviews” part was a Q&A (but they didn’t really keep the format for the SP and FS parts..)

I went to the live viewing, not the actual place where the event was held, but in this case there were no differences (no extras in either place). They published a new official picture that you probably have already seen.

After some introductions they started the “short program”, whose first topic was “how do you feel about the character you played?”.

Toyonaga said that he didn’t play Yuuri with his mind but with his heart, so his acting wasn’t really intentional but more spontaneous, in fact he doesn’t really remember how he acted him, what he remembers is mostly because he watched the anime afterwards. He also said that it was an honor to work so close to Suwabe and that they get along well (to which Suwabe initially joked “do we?” but then confirmed, lol).

Suwabe said that especially in the beginning it was hard to grasp Victor’s character because he’s different than ordinary people and also he can’t really relate to him, but after some time he decided that thinking too much was wrong and decided to play him in a “don’t think, feel” way (he really said “don’t think, feel” in English, and I wonder how many in the audience could understand that, lol). So actually, much like Toyonaga, he doesn’t really remember how he acted. It was a very unusual character to play for him.

Toyonaga said that, since when he plays Yuuri it’s really like he’s “becoming” Yuuri, he gets very nervous when he’s asked, for example in events, “say this line from the show!” or “say something as Yuuri!”, because it’s hard to suddenly get into that state of mind. At this point they also mentioned that they recently had to play the characters’ roles again for the collaboration with the browser game “Shingeki no Bahamut” and they sounded amused. (I actually started the game last week for the sole purpose of playing the collaboration event... I’m sure someone will post pics when it starts)

Uchiyama said that Yurio’s hairstyle changed and with that the impression he gave him changed too, but actually he didn’t really change the way he played him.

Kubo also said that she was so busy with the storyboard because of the tight schedule that she also doesn’t remember some things, like how she decided some parts, so actually when she watched the anime she could watch it with renewed feelings, as if she was just a viewer. She also said that some scenes turned out a bit different in the anime than they were in her original storyboard.

After this they were asked which scenes left a strong impression on them when they watched the broadcast.

Uchiyama mentioned Yurio’s lines when he says “pig”, and the part where he’s sent “training” at the shrine and waterfall by Victor. The others laughed because it was like “in the WHOLE series are THESE the scenes that impressed you??”.

Toyonaga said that for Yuuri’s very first lines in episode 1 (before the OP, when he says “He always surprises me” etc) he was actually told at what point of the story Yuuri says it. I mean, Yuuri narrates this part as if he’s looking back on the past, and Toyonaga was told at what point of the story this happens, but he said that he's not going to reveal it and asked that people try to imagine when it is that Yuuri "narrates" this part. (I personally have no idea, though Yuuri doesn’t sound very cheerful so I’d argue that it’s in one of the “tense” moments of the show, like ep 9 or the end of ep 11? But too little elements to judge) They mentioned that because of this narration fans made theories about Victor eventually dying, and Suwabe was like “Victor is alive!! And Makkachin too!!”.

After this Suwabe said that neither now nor in the future he is going to reveal what he thought when acting the scenes in the anime. He said that of course he has his own interpretation and he played Victor based on that, but that since this anime has many elements that can be read in lots of different ways he is not going to disclose his personal views and wants fans to interpret it each in their own way. The only thing he confirmed is that he likes Makkachin, lol. (To be honest, it’s basically the same as what Kubo says, but Suwabe articulated it better. As a side note, Suwabe is a very good talker, always expresses his point clearly and is really careful about what he says and how it could affect who listens, while I think Kubo has a messy way of speaking which is sometimes hard to follow, even in written interviews, and I believe this is what is causing some controversies)

Suwabe also said that, as a viewer, the parking scene in episode 7 touched his heart. Here they mentioned that YOI was featured on the TV Asahi music program “Music Station” on Friday night because this scene was aired too, and they laughed making some comments about how the scenes they showed were “barely ok for prime time”. (It’s because they basically showed scenes like when Yuuri and Victor are with their foreheads touching and Yuuri tells him “please only watch me”, etc, which are scenes that would make anyone misunderstand the point of the show if they don’t watch them within the context... But I swear this time it was better, because the last time YOI was featured on Music Station they showed the scene at the end of ep 7 too... I really wish they’d show more figure skating scenes so that it doesn’t just look like a BL anime about skaters, sigh. By the way this time it was featured because “History Maker” was ranked #11 in a ranking of popular anime/drama theme songs)

Uchiyama said that he was impressed by all of Yurio’s rude expressions like “pig”, and especially when in ep 10 he told Victor “a ring received from a stupid animal is just rubbish”. He said “I’m surprised he could even come up with such a wording at all” (Yurio actually says “kachiku” in that line, which means “livestock/cattle” and in Japanese it’s very much like calling someone an “animal without a brain”). The seiyuu thought he said “kachiku” because he used to call Yuuri “pig”, but Kubo said that actually it was meant to be a pun with “Katsuki” because it sounds similar to “kachiku”. (Though to be honest Yurio is definitely speaking Russian here so he couldn’t possibly make a pun with “Katsuki” and “kachiku”, lol.) Suwabe said that he likes the scene where Yurio tells Lilia “I’ll gladly give you my body and soul if that can make me win”.

Kubo said that in the beginning she inserted everyday life scenes so that the viewers could get familiar with the characters, and though they did their best to make the skating scenes interesting too she was scared that people would complain that they preferred the everyday life scenes, but luckily she didn’t receive this kind of comments. She also said that she likes how Hasetsu is mentioned again various times throughout the show (like in ep 10 indeed).

Here the guy doing the MC, which is also the guy that voiced one of the commentators in the anime and is actually an announcer for TV Asahi, said that when YOI was airing the real GP series was being held too, and that commenting for YOI had just the same feeling as commenting for real TV matches. Kubo said that when she wrote the storyboard she actually listened to sport live commentary on TV and wrote it down to use it as reference for writing the live reporting in YOI.

Toyonaga said that when there were no monologues during the skating scenes he just watched them as a spectator. Actually when they did the recording, apart from the first episodes, the anime footage was not ready yet so they did most of the recording watching Kenji Miyamoto’s footage. Uchiyama said that Yurio’s skating was performed by a woman, and Kubo praised her saying that she was really good.

Toyonaga said that sometimes he had mixed thoughts in his mind when playing Yuuri during the skating scenes, because part of his mind was thinking (looking at Miyamoto’s footage) “I wonder how this turns out in the anime”, but since he had to act he actually had to picture in his head how the scene would turn out.

They mentioned Seung-gil’s costume (the rainbow-colored one) and they all agreed that the gap between the costume and Seung-gil was hilarious. Kubo said that actually when she ordered the costume she thought that Chacott’s designer would create something that would make Seung-gil look like a cool guy, and she didn’t expect it to be something flamboyant like the current one. They said that it looks like it has origami cranes attached to it, and Kubo commented that he looks like “a new species of bird discovered in the tropics”.

Still regarding costumes, they said that the mismatch between Georgi’s physique and his costume was also amusing. The seiyuu commented how Georgi was the most popular character among male members of the staff, but Kubo said that actually later on he was substituted by Otabek, because all guys found Otabek cool.

Regarding the last episodes Kubo said that Nobunari Oda wanted to participate in YOI himself and so they gave him a part, but it happened after the series was already airing, it wasn’t planned from the start. For Stéphane Lambiel it was even more a last-minute decision, because it was really sudden and they had to redraw a part of episode 12 (Hiramatsu did this) to feature him and had to re-record the scene. The episode was going to air on Wednesday, and they called Suwabe a few days before asking him to come back to recording on Monday (yes, 2 days before the airing..) for the scene with Lambiel. Kubo also said that when she mentioned that Victor’s blades are gold because they took inspiration from Lambiel’s he showed them his skating shoes and she was very happy about that.

Suwabe commented how YOI was very popular in the anime event in Taiwan he went to recently, and they all agreed on the fact that it’s really popular overseas. They also briefly mentioned Evgenia Medvedeva but didn’t comment in detail though they were all kind of giggling.

The “short program” part ended here, yes it wasn’t very short.. And they started the “free skating” part.

They asked Kubo how she got into figure skating, and she said that in the beginning she was just a very light fan, like she would sometimes watch it on TV when it was on, but she had a friend who was really into it. She got more passionate after traveling to Europe with Yamamoto to do research for the series. Yamamoto explained her a lot of stuff about figure skating, and it’s also Yamamoto the one who was a hardcore fan from the start. (Kubo praised Yamamoto lots of times during this event and emphasized the fact that many things were her idea. I have the feeling that she feels a bit bad because since she’s the most “visible” one she gets all the appreciation by fans, even though Yamamoto had as big a part in creating YOI if not bigger, since she was the one who originally came up with it and was involved in the making until the end, even after the manga storyboard was completed)

She mentioned that recently she spent 18 days in Europe with Yamamoto, but she pointed out that it’s not for YOI’s 2nd season or something like that, they just had decided that after YOI’s end she and Yamamoto would go on a trip to Europe together. They went to see the European Championships in Ostrava (Czech Republic) and Art on Ice in Zurich. She mentioned how it’s really hard to get tickets for figure skating in Japan while in Europe it’s easier.

She told an anecdote about when she was in Ostrava. She said that she spotted two girls cosplaying Yuuri and Victor (not really full cosplays, just partial) at the ice rink, and after the tournament was over they were taking pictures in front of the rink. When they saw Kubo they spoke to her in Japanese and asked her if she was Japanese (they didn’t understand who she was and she didn’t mention it), then they told her she could take pictures if she wanted, and she was amused because of this curious happening (but she did take pictures). She also said that when she posted on Instagram that she was in Ostrava a person replied to her “if you want I can show you around!”, and when she checked her profile she realized it was the girl that was cosplaying Victor at the ice rink. And she said that she even saw her again on a train when they were leaving Ostrava, but she didn’t have the courage to reveal who she was. (I must say this is quite a coincidence...! I wonder if the girls will find out about this now that Kubo has said it). By the way of course she was really happy to find YOI fans, but she said she preferred not to post the picture online because Japan has different cosplay manners than many other countries in the world and she didn’t want to look like she approved of cosplaying at an ice rink when there’s a competition going on (in Japan it would be super taboo to cosplay at any ice rink, or any public space actually, unless you received a permit to do so).

Toyonaga said that he sometimes receives fanletters from overseas fans written in Japanese and he really appreciates the effort. He was amused by a fan whose letter started out very politely but then somehow turned into plain Japanese (with no honorifics etc). Suwabe said that he too receives letters from overseas and also he receives a lot of replies in other languages on Twitter. Kubo said that currently most of the replies she gets on Twitter are actually from foreigners and she is always worried when she wants to write a pun because it would be hard to translate into another language. She also mentioned how sometimes she gets replies from people saying in Spanish “I can’t understand what you say (because it’s in Japanese)” and she was like “I can’t understand what you say either...!”. (To be honest, I really don’t understand why people send her replies in languages that are not English, especially the ones writing “I can’t understand!”. What’s the point in tweeting that to her?? She isn’t even very good at English, I think Yamamoto is better..)

Suwabe said that he likes how YOI is realistic but it’s not just hyperrealistic and has some fantastic elements in it too, because he said they are balanced very well.

Kubo said that she is very happy about YOI’s popularity but she feels that she didn’t absolutely create it alone and it was the result of many people working together, so now she actually wants to do something to repay YOI for all the good things it brought to her.

After this it was the end of the FS part and the start of the interview part, aka Q&A.

Q: What do you pay attention to when drawing the characters?

Kubo said that first of all she decided to create designs that would allow to distinguish the characters even when drawn in very simple deformed ways (like how she usually draws them in the autographed shikishi). Since Yuuri is the protagonist she created his design so that he would be easy for Hiramatsu to draw. She drew Victor in a very detailed way, but actually in the beginning she didn’t make his eyelashes so visible, because she usually doesn’t make eyelashes on male characters very evident. Victor’s beautiful eyelashes are something that was added in the anime, but she liked it and now she also has fun drawing them like that. Yurio is actually the character that she designed first, and she took inspiration from other male characters with blond hair and light eyes that she used to like, like Rabi from Madou King Granzort and Hyouga from Saint Seiya.

Toyonaga said that indeed in Kubo’s storyboard he could understand the character’s expressions even when they are drawn deformed. Uchiyama commented that he misses reading the storyboard and that he wants more of it (in the audio commentary of the BD vol.2 he also says he really liked reading it). Kubo said that while in Europe with Yamamoto they decided the contents of the short manga that will be given as a present to the purchasers of all the BD or DVD volumes of the anime. She didn’t say what it would be about, but she said that it will not contain all the characters and that Uchiyama will probably like it (so I guess Yurio has a nice role in it). She also vaguely mentioned Barcelona so it might be set around eps 10-12, but yeah it was really vague so we can’t know for sure.

Q: If you were a skater, who would you want as your coach?

Toyonaga said of course he would like Victor, but he also commented that probably sometimes Victor would really get on his nerves because there are moments when it’s impossible to understand what he’s thinking. He also said that he wouldn’t mind JJ’s parents either, but Kubo said that they have a set of family customs, like sometimes you must hug them etc, so if you’re like Yuuri who prefers to be left alone you’d probably feel super uncomfortable.

Suwabe said that Yakov must be an excellent coach because in the end all the best skaters were trained by him.

Regarding Celestino, Uchiyama commented that he was surprised at how he’d say something as blunt as “Phichit has a radiance that Yuuri hasn’t”, considering that Yuuri used to be his pupil. They commented that he has a strong personality and that in the past we also see that he didn’t really get along well with JJ.

Uchiyama also said that he likes Lilia and Yakov, and that when they are together with Yurio they look visually striking, and almost like a family.

Kubo said that in Switzerland she spotted Alexei Mishin (the coach who was very likely the visual inspiration for Yakov) carrying a heart-shaped cushion that they threw to one of his students, and when they were outside he put it on his head, she guesses maybe because it was very cold. The picture of Yakov she uploaded on her Twitter after the talk show is a reference to that, lol.

Q: Who is the man together with Chris?

Kubo said he’s a member of the Swiss Skating Federation and maybe he used to be an ice skater, and for some reason is caring for Chris’ cat (mentioning that he cares for Chris’ cat probably caused people to read between the lines, because many around me were giggling, lol). The character design for him was not really made by her but by the animators. She said that she doesn’t know his name but that since she thinks he resembles Masumi from Glass no Kamen she calls him “Masumi”.

Q: What figure skating technique would you like to perform?

Toyonaga said he would like to do hydroblading (he didn’t know the name, he visually described it and Kubo said the name), and that he wonders how skaters see the surroundings while performing this technique. He also said he would like to know how the world around you looks while you’re doing figure skating jumps.

Suwabe said he wants to do a 100-rotations jump, or a quad axel. He would like to be the first in the world to perform a technique.

Uchiyama said “there isn’t really anything I would like to try myself (and here everyone laughed because really, the way he’s just emotionless about things, without meaning to sound offensive or anything, is just amusing), but I wonder, don’t skaters get headaches when they do spins?” Kubo said that, compared to Western athletes, the faces of Japanese athletes don’t really get red when they spin, like she said that Shizuka Arakawa’s face never turned red. They concluded that it probably depends on the single person’s constitution, on the way they spin and that maybe there are racial differences too.

This was the last question and then they just said the final greetings. In the end Kubo commented about the fact that YOI can be interpreted in various ways and that, even though in interviews they ask her details about the story and so she answers, she actually encourages people to interpret the series how they prefer, without necessarily being influenced too much by what she says in interviews. (And here I remind you something she said in the booklet for the BD vol.1, which is that it’s fine to interpret the series how you prefer, but do not go around saying that your theory is canon. In other words, she is fine with people creating their own headcanons and believing that they are right, but she would prefer that they do not try to force single interpretations onto other people unless they are officially confirmed. The recent Pash! interview actually gave me the impression that sometimes she is forced to point out some things because she sees people trying to convince others that their own interpretations are correct even though they are not supported by official material)

Beside that they all said the usual things about “please support the series because if many people support it maybe there will be a chance to see a sequel, since we all want to make one too”.

Bonus random facts about the screening of the anime (in random order): -For the first episodes they used footage from the BDs, not from the TV airing. -In the cinema I went to people were mostly silent and almost no one used penlights, but lots of people cheered (and laughed) on Georgi and JJ. -During the scene at the end of episode 7 I thought people’s reactions were very realistic, because you could hear muffled screeching, people holding their breaths and going like “ahhhh...”. I thought the audience watching the scene in the real arena within the anime must have sounded like that too, lol. -Thunderous applause when Phichit congratulated Victor and Yuuri for their “marriage” in ep 10. -Not as many people singing along JJ’s song as I would have expected, probably because the lyrics are in English. -People giggling during the scene where we see Chris’ mysterious acquaintance. -The close up shot of Victor’s naked ass from ep 1 on the huge cinema screen: priceless (Chris’ ass too). -All the close up shots of Yuuri and Victor all over each other on the huge cinema screen: priceless and more embarrassing to watch than the ass shots (I mean it in a positive way, lol). -The sound was very nice and you could hear the audience’s cheers much louder than from a TV or PC (for the first time I could hear people screaming “davai!” at Yurio in Onsen on ICE). -Applauses at the end of every character’s performance, and most of the times after jumps as well. -People crying during Yuuri and Yurio’s last FS performance (and some during JJ’s as well). -The OP footage was only shown before ep 1 and the ED footage only after ep 7 (both times they were shown creditless). The “special ED” of ep 10 was shown too of course. No next episode previews.

Unrelated: I received a few questions via private message, I will get to them when I wake up...

[desi-pluto]

Naruto Tag Game

Thank you for tagging me @shannaro-kamo <3 I tag @madara-fate (I really want to know yours Audric!) @shiningscarletmoon @sharinghoe @sharingan-uchiha @aiuchihashadow @porno-4-saku @behindheremeraldeyes @bibi-loves-books @veenia @konoha-hq @stefanies

Favorite

Female Character(s): Sakura Haruno/Uchiha, Hinata Hyuga, Sarada Uchiha

Male Character(s): Sasuke Uchiha, Naruto Uzumaki, Kakashi Hatake

Team: 7

Sensei: Kakashi 

Hokage: Minato 

Kage: Gaara

Village: Konohagakure or Kirigakure 

Akatsuki: Itachi and Konan

Jutsu: Susanoo, Fireball Jutsu, Kirin, Chidori, Chidori Nagashi, Amaterasu, Kamui, Tsukuyomi, Byakugou, Twin Lion Fists, 64 Palms

Episode/Chapters: Ones that revolved around Team 7, Sakura, Sasuke, and the Uchiha Clan

Fight Scene: Team 7 vs Haku and Zabuza, Naruto vs Sasuke (as Genin), Sakura vs Ino, Hinata vs Neji, Naruto vs Neji, Sakura and Chiyo vs Sasori, Sasuke vs Deidara, Sasuke vs Itachi, Itachi and Sasuke vs Kabuto, Team 7 and Obito vs Kaguya, Naruto vs Sasuke (Final Battle), Madara vs 5 Kage, Naruto and Tsunade vs Kabuto

Fanfiction: I don’t read a lot, but the ones I do read have to be one of  a kind like An Inch of Gold  by @kuriquinn or A Twist in Time by @wolf08 and anything written by SH23 -mainly the canonverse ones that keep Sasuke in character.

Story Arc: War Arc

Filler: When we see Kakashi’s face for real!

What is you...

OTP (explain why): SasuSaku - the love is the real deal man, it’s selfless, it’s accepting, it’s forgiving, it’s strong. It’s true Sasuke didn’t romantically love her in in the beginning but he always considered her as someone very dear to him, he always encouraged her to be a better ninja, lifted her spirits up when she was down for the chunin exams, and thanked her for loving him. Sakura did have a puppy love type of crush on him, but it evolved into her just loving him as an individual rather than a romantic partner, all she wanted was for him to not feel lonely again; she did fill his lonely existance, loving Sasuke made her the the strongest Kunoichi ever! It’s not perfect, but it’s beautiful.

NOTP (be nice): SasuKarin - Karin’s favorite thing to do was biting Sasuke, she didn’t stop him from going further to the darkness, he feels uncomfortable around her when she comes close to him, unlike Sakura, Karin enjoyed watching Sasuke kill, while Sakura practically stopped him from the one (Zaku) who beat her up badly. Kishi himself said that Karin’s “love” for him was dangerous.

Crackship(s): Shisui Uchiha x Hana Inuzuka (Idk why, they’d look good together), KakaMei (Both are hopeless romantics xD), Sasori x Shizune

BROTP: SasuNaru and NaruSaku 

OT3: SasuNaruSaku

Crossover Ship: Hmm...none in my mind

Miscellaneous...

Do you have any headcanons: A 3 year old Sarada playing with Papasuke’s hair making Mamakura’s heart melt. Sasuke playing with Sakura’s hair when she’s fast asleep. Sasuke pretending to be a sleep when Sakura whispers sweet things to him. Sasuke being proud of his daughter wanting to become Hokage. Uncle Kakashi showing his face to a little Sarada. 

Are you happy with the ending? What would you have done differently? Definitely happy with the ending! I wouldn’t give Sarada glasses. I wouldn’t make Hinata retire from being a ninja. I also would’ve evolved Inner Sakura too, Sakura use her water and earth style ninjutsu, have her learn more genjutsu from Kurenai, and make certain Ino takes her father’s job. Have Sasuke be Naruto’s best man in The Last.

How do you feel about the new generation? I love Sarada, I just hope the new manga treats her well and that Boruto doesn’t always beg for Sasuke’s attention! I also adore Chouchou! But I still think Boruto is  a sweetie. TBH I think all the new kids are adorable. 

Say something about your favorite character. Good and bad. I’m glad that Sakura was able to see the good in Sasuke and wanting to help him even when he was in deep hatred. I wish Sakura didn’t end her friendship with Ino just because she didn’t want to be seen as Ino’s shadow. 

What would a child between your OTP look like? How would they behave as parents? Sarada is perfect! She may look like Sasuke over all but she has Sakura’s forehead and eye shape. To me she’s the perfect combination of both of them. Sasuke and Sakura being doting parents in general xD

Say something genuinely nice about your NoTP. I’m glad Karin was able to let go, and still deliver Sarada; that’s good character.

Say something negative about your OTP. I wish Sakura would act more cool around Sasuke when she was a genin. Just that really. 

Is there anyway you could be convinced to ship your NoTP? What would make you change your mind about the pairing? NOTHING!

What makes you mad about the series? The dumb fandom.

If you could see anything happen in the series, what would it be? Sasuke and Sakura’s travels, wedding, and Sarada’s birth.

What would you say to Kishimoto if given the chance?  If Sasuke will get his arm back. Why he didn’t sue SP; and I’d thank him for the wonderful story :)

[laeboku-blog]

Why Shipping SNS Isn’t “Unrealistic” & Shippers Aren’t Delusional

Being a SNS shipper with pretty much all SS/NH mutuals (due to the fact that this is a Sakura-centric blog) I’ve been seeing a lot of, for lack of a better word bullshit floating around as of late. Everywhere I turn my anti - SNS mutuals are calling shippers “delusional” because how in the world could we ever perceive such a “brotherly” bond to be gay? (I think when I’m having conversations with people they tend to forget that although I do multi-ship SNS is where the largest chunk of my heart lies.)

This won’t be a post explaining why I do believe Sasuke and Naruto are in fact canonically in love (that post is coming tomorrow courtesy of the NaruSasu loving minds of myself and @uchiha-affair​ ) but rather why it isn’t delusional, “reaching” or even remotely unrealistic for people to ship it period. 

I’ll try to make it as short as possible though it’s hard for me as I tend to ramble hehe. 

Disclaimer: As I stated above I do believe that SNS is romantically real and all of the examples used do (to me at least) have romantic connotations. If you believe that this in some way skews my judgement don’t even bother reading.

Let’s jump right in :) 

This whole post may seem like a reach to many but hear me out, to understand my first and most central point you’ll have to be familiar with the term fan service.

Fan service -  is material in a work of fiction or in a fictional series which is intentionally added to please the audience.

Now this is very important knowledge to have. I have never been under the impression that Kishimoto went into the series planning to make Naruto and Sasuke the perfect romantic couple because that is not the case. Kishi already knew which Sasuke pairing he wanted to be canon by the time the anime started airing and I see a lot of pro ending blogs making this point whenever I tell them my views. But to put it simply, it does not matter. Because a lot of people are unaware but the romantic relationship between Naruto and Sasuke is only second only to that of Iruka and Kakashi in terms of popular homosexual ships, and it tops even SasuSaku (Naruto’s most loved couple in Japan) here in the Western fandom. Once I had this knowledge suddenly all of the super fucking unnecessarily gay moments made so much sense. It’s because of:

Fan service. They needed to keep us SNS shippers.

Usually when people think fan service they think, 

“Hey like a swimming anime where all the guys are practically naked and dripping water down their washboard abs to make all of the fan girls freak?” 

or 

“Hey, like a samurai anime with a bunch of boobs flying everywhere for no goddamn reason but to give all the dudes a boner?”

And you would be correct in thinking that. We as a fandom, whether or not we choose to acknowldge it, are aware that Kishimoto and Studio Pierrot are in it for the money. The messy ending, the even messier ‘The Last’ (if you honestly believe that movie was good I question your sanity.) and the inevitable Newest Generation are all clear signs of “We want the money.” and because they want the money they cannot have a very large portion of their fan base losing interest. Although who the hell watches an anime about baby ninjas and bonds just for the gay? Smh, Japan logic but I digress. So they add a shit ton of fan service.

 I don’t entirely disagree with the fact that a lot of people interpret SNS as a solely platonic relationship, and they’re allowed to do that. But their bond would’ve been just as strong without

this.

and this.

and quite frankly this as well. These things weren’t required and these are just some of the panels brought up when one speaks of SNS gay moments. Let’s not even mention the ‘My one and only’ because it’s controversial due to the ‘friend’ which was (quite lamely) tacked at the end.

And Naruto gazing at a shooting star and thinking ‘Sasuke’ gay.

Naruto being the only bond Sasuke felt the need to break despite having relatively strong connections to other people (Team Taka, Sakura, Kakashi) gay.

We mustn’t forget the pillar of all things SNS and fanservicey: Boruto The Movie

this scene

And oh my god THIS SCENE

note: while I actually do perceive all of this as legitimately gay ass romantic feels a lot of people don’t. But I hope we can all admit that this is suspicious as fuck.

These things just seem like someone said, “Hey, we should put some of these moments in here for the people who think Naruto and Sasuke gay.”

 Because the SNS shippers are important to the overall sucess of the series they give us fanservice. This is the driving point to our so called “reach” and “insanity” we aren’t imagining it bud it’s there. It is none of the most commonly used tactics within anime series.

Nevermind the fact that Kishimoto was already writing a perfect love story. If he had no intention on making then canon, which he did not, I find it slightly cruel to add all of this extra gay. And on the other hand his ultimate unintentional cruelty of writing the perfect love story that never came to fruition.

If we throw in Studio Pierrot’s intense romance themed openings and endings you pretty much have a whole lot of stuff just sitting around. And here’s my point to all of this, calling SNS shippers ‘delusional’ when there were clearly things that could be perceived as gay (please please please don’t tell me that you’d stare at your unconscious bff’s face in the pouring rain for god knows how long.) It’s close minded and its honestly just not the truth. I mean, a lot of people ship NaruSaku which I think is the most platonic ship out there but I don’t deny that there are elements to the series that would lead people to ship it. (especially with SP’s meddling) 

And I’m not saying there aren’t SNS shippers out there (myself included) that try to make everything romantic *cough cough because it is* but believe me I see it in the SS and NH fandoms too, in situations where romance was definitely not a factor so they’ve no room to talk.

So stop calling people crazy because you don’t see what they do, it’s rude, learn some manners, it’s frustrating.