#srsly guys this is so freaking beautiful i can’t believe it

[agir1ukn0w]

Attention Fellow Baynton Nation Citizens!!!!!!!!

So my 22nd birthday was this June (on the 15th if you’re wondering), and one of my really good friends from work who knows about my current obsession with all things Mathew Baynton told me she’d get me something Mat-related for my birthday. It took her a while to get it in the mail, and then she kept forgetting to bring it to work to give to me, but today she finally remembered and um……………

Here’s the thing guys: my friend didn’t just get me a gift. My awesome fucking friend, who is an artist (when she isn’t being a brilliant pre-med student), MADE me a gift. AND HERE IT IS:

anyways…

(yeah I couldn’t decide which gif best expressed my inexpressible joy😂)

[Edit]

Here’s a screenshot of the picture from my friend’s Instagram (@ azuriteraven):

[chrsitophwaltz]

MICKEY MEETS FC BAYERN (PART 4/4)

for the entire houston clownery experience click here

psa: if you’ve read the last 3 parts, then you know the drill. i just wanna add that i don’t know how coherent this is bc writing it drained me already. i typed it straight from my garbage brain so this is obviously NOT SAFE FOR WORK. if you’re brave or thirsty enough, or have holy water at the ready, then by all means please proceed.

*matthew mcconaughey voice* alright alright alright

we’ve reached the end, folks! it’s taken me longer than i thought to put this part out. mainly because my brain still can’t comprehend that this actually happened. y’all know that feeling where something happened and you just floated right through it then a few hours later when you’re all alone it hits and destroys you like a fucking trainwreck?

yeah, that’s what it’s been like.

so to recap:

friday: the team arrived. i was positioned nicely near the bus exit and my mind, body, and soul had been buzzing and ready for that moment. i had it all well-rehearsed too: niko steps out, i scream like a banshee for his name, he comes over-- with soft hair and glorious stubble and all-- to sign my shirt and take a gazillion pics. oh, and of course i try not to faint or drool all over him. it was almost fullproof. the problem? he never stepped out. he and thiago went straight to the airport for a press conference and were never in the team bus. i was ready to unleash death right then and there.

but oh well. all hope isn’t lost. i’m gonna be five rows behind the bayern bench the next day during the game anyway. got the tickets within an hour or so after sales opened. i can thirst to my heart’s content over him and his beautiful backside for two hours. and i had this huge ass sign ready, asking for his bottle. it’s bigger and brighter than my life. he CANNOT possibly miss that, right?

saturday: game day! i’ve been buzzing the entire morning and early afternoon. today’s the day! my first time inside a football (american) stadium too. and i was kinda nervous about my sign’s debut too. what if he does see it and give me his bottle? what would i do? do i manage to keep cool or do i smash it right into my eye socket in front of him? until now i still don’t know

so we go down to the stadium. my sign was getting some attention too. people, bayern fans and madridies alike, stopped me and asked what it meant (i had to sheepishly explain to random people that yes, i am indeed asking for his bottle, and no, y’all don’t wanna know why). some guy even got it on his video camera but idk what he did with it sjdfdjkfdjkfsfs

i got settled into my seat and h o l y s h i t i was so close to the pitch and the bench! all the drama? i got it! all the shirt-changing action? i got em too! and all the angry niko antics??? best believe they’re seared into my mind forever and ever!!!!

(dare i say, with full risk of sounding like a downright whore, the man’s got real juicy buns in the back oven. like, fuck me!!!! he’s fit as fucking fuck!!!!!!!! he also loves to whistle and scream instructions and mouth off to hansi on the bench. oh, and to randomly thrust his hips like nobody’s fuckin business!!!!!!!!)

(srsly niko, why do that???? GET OFF MY DAMN NECK!!!!!! PLEASE!!!!!!! my 17-year old sister was beside me and i had to be 110% a responsible, sane adult!!!!!!! even the guy sitting behind us eventually caught on to my thirst since he saw me filming niko the whole duration of the game sddbsjfdjfnsm)

anyway, niko LOVES to hydrate and he probably finished around 4-5 bottles of water. at one point he looked over at where i was and i’m sure as h e l l he saw my sign (it was a huge ass board). but guess what? it’s like he knew just how desperate i was and kept on sexily chugging. god fucking dammit, niko!!!!

y’all know what happened to all those bottles? NOTHING! they’re just piled up on the bench never to be used again. i was right there, niko! A CRUMB! just one fuckin crumb was all i asked for!!!!!!!!!!!! he could’ve thrown that bottle straight at my fuckin face and i would’ve THANKED him

the game ended, we won, and NO BOTTLE. a bitch was sad!!! a bitch was going STIR CRAZY!!!!! the team only had one day left before they left for kansas city. i’ve been trying to get info on how to get into the practice session so i can see him and all the boys. but of course! the training session might as well be in secret because it’s invite-only!!! even the paulaner bbq event was closed. the only events that were open were the mall meet-and-greets. but those wouldn’t have niko or the rest of the boys in them.

please bear in mind again that i decided to shell out extra just to make that one day extension happen. 

i had to see the entire team. i needed to experience niko up close. if i don’t get to do this now, then god knows when i’ll get the chance to do so again.

so, driven by desperation, i made a totally uninformed decision to go to the hotel at some random time the next day. ultimately, it was either the hotel or the carl lewis track. i figured the hotel would be a safer bet since i’d been there before and it was closer to the mall where the meet-and-greets would be (just in case the worst happened and i failed to catch them before they left for practice or wherever).

hotel or track? hotel.

what time? probably 8:30.

did i know what i was doing? absolutely fucking not.

but hey, couldn’t hurt, right? it was bonkers. truly bananas. but what choice did i have? in the end, i just wanted to be able to tell myself that i tried.

sunday:

i’ve been thinking about what to call this part. here’s some of what comes to mind:

1. crazy binch follows crazy idea and it works? it’s more likely than you think!

2. if you like it (i LOVED it) then you should’ve put a ring on it (I MCFUCKIN DID!!!!! in my head at least sksdjfksdfsdfh)

3. the day kathleen krüger probably wanted my head on a spike (and i don’t blame her)!

so the events from parts 1 and 2 happened. saw and greeted kathleen krüger in decent german. it was going pretty well. somewhere in there, during the sven/leon mishap, it finally happened. the moment that i’ve been waiting for. perfection!

*record scratch* eh, not really.

look, i’m 5′3 (and 1/2, i’m gonna insist on that). leon is 6′2. sven is about 6′3 or 6′4? anyway, y’all get it. they’re tall af.

and niko? a very sexy 5′9.

so in the haze of mortification and embarrassment brought about by the sven/leon mishap, i completely missed niko going out of the hotel. the binch literally had to be positioned in between sven and leon and all the other tall german people milling around the hotel. my ass had been on alert for him nearly the entire week (and let’s be real, for months) and when the moment finally presented itself, it completely flew over my head. i nearly ruined my own damn plan.

thankfully though, i’d been chatting with the bayern staff earlier and they knew that i’d been waiting this whole time to meet niko. i wondered out loud, “ugh, when is niko gonna show up he’s usually one of the earlier ones” and the guy in the red audi fcb tour polo shirt frowned and said “what? he literally just went out. didn’t you see him?”

my world literally stopped. i wanted to slap myself. my ears were ringing.

niko, already out? how could i have missed him? had he already gone up the bus???

i literally did a 360 so fast i gave myself whiplash and saw through the glass doors the man i’d been waiting forever for. he was clad in his blue coach kit of shirt and shorts. i could also swear he was glowing like an angel (probably bc of the bright sun or the product of my thirst-addled brain, idk).

there was another problem, though: he wasn’t stopping. he was going straight for the bus. and his leggies were f a s t.

and where was i? still frozen in shock inside the freaking hotel!!!!

i’m not the fastest person in the world but man, adrenaline really does work wonders! thank goodness my brain chose that moment to regain its function and spurred my body into motion. with no fucks left to give, i ran full tilt through the throng of people leisurely heading out, past the security guards who looked at me like i was insane (i was), out of the hotel and into the courtyard where there were about 50 or so fans behind the barriers who had gathered to catch a glimpse of the team.

it was like everything was in slow-mo. there was kathleen, patiently standing near the bus door and taking inventory of the players and staff before they leave. and there was niko, with literally one foot lifted to go up the first step into the bus.

my brain did a quick calculation. even with adrenaline, he’d already be up and inside the bus by the time i get to where he was. they may have let me inside the hotel, but i knew the bus was off limits. i had to stop him before he’s out of reach. and i knew that if i missed him, then that would be the absolute last time i’d see him in houston. that was my last chance.

i already had one foot dipped into the proverbial pool of shame. i was vaguely aware that i had the hotel staff stationed near the door and some fans looking at me bc of my marathon sprint antic. why not just take the full plunge, right?

so i did the only thing i could do to stop him: i screamed for him. throat open, full diaphragm, lungs out screamed: “NIKO! NIKO PLEASE!” my voice and the desperation that it was absolutely dripping with echoed within the walls of the hotel entrance.

i don’t even know the others’ reaction to that anymore, and i don’t really wanna know. all i know was that it worked! he stopped and turned around to look. and god was he. so. beautiful!!!

overjoyed that he paused, i ran straight towards him. there was a body in front of me that i barely dodged in my haste and i belatedly realized it was the team photographer taking shots of the departure. i nearly bowled him over and destroyed his expensive camera but thankfully i somehow managed to do a the matrix-esque maneuver and ducked under his arms and up again straight back to niko. the look on my face must’ve been shocking and horrific (i bet) because as i zoomed in on niko, i saw poor kathleen just behind him, still near the bus door, go tense with her eyes as big as saucers.

look, i understand. if i were the team manager of a popular football team, and some woman was running straight for one of my charges, with A Certain Look on her face, and with the bus door wide open, i’d be worried af. she probably thought i was gonna attack niko (somewhat true, but not in the way she thought...or was it?) and/or infiltrate the team bus. my intentions were pure (ish), of course, but my face didn’t reflect that.

the Queen knew martial arts and could’ve karate-kicked me off the face of the earth and away from niko, but she didn’t. so thank you, kathleen. and i apologize.

safe from kathleen’s wrath (for now), i turned my full attention to niko. i was finally in front of him!!!!! my dream had finally come true!!!!!!!!!!!

my brain and my soul were trying to leave my body and i wasn’t really 100% percent in the moment, but even with the little presence of mind i had left it was too much to bear. niko looked a bit perplexed, like i might attack him or something (with the way i looked, ran, and shouted like an animal i totally get it), but still managed to look relaxed, open, and friendly. he looked at me expectantly and i felt my mouth move to ask for an autograph and my hands give him my cardboarded jersey and sharpie. i wasn’t in control of my body anymore but thank god it knew exactly what i wanted.

niko, a true angel sent down from the heavens above, gracefully took my shirt and sharpie. i’m pretty sure my mouth was wide open and probably had some drool hanging off, and i could feel kathleen’s stare boring holes into the side of my head. as he was signing it, my last few brain cells were roasting.

his hair was soft and ungelled, and was damp (he looked like he recently just came out of the shower) and as his head was bent down, That Stray Lock of Hair flopped into his forehead. it nearly made me pass tf out!!! the sun was also shining brightly and his stubble was already silvery (thanks to bayern’s season of clownery!) so when the light caught it, it literally shone. each strand was literally p e r f e c t i o n. perfect length, perfect texture (from the looks of it; i didn’t dare touch no matter how much i wanted to bc thankfully i still had one fragile shred of dignity left, and i’m sure kathleen would’ve brought out the shotgun), perfect everything. i was about to have a coronary right then and there.

i’ve thought a lot about what i wanted to say to him if i did get the chance to meet him and talk to him. i remembered all the highs and lows of last season and as he finished signing my shirt, i thanked him and said “good luck, niko. and don’t listen to everything they say; you’ll always have people to stand behind you and the team no matter what.” at least that’s what i thought i said. i don’t really remember bc i was half spaced out. but i must’ve said something to that effect bc he looked up from what he was doing and gave me a big, and dare i say, relieved (?), smile. god, his eyes. they were so green. and soft. and really, really kind.

he was probably surprised that i said that to him, what with my earlier crazed stunt. but of course, ever the gentleman, he said “thank you so much” G O D!!!! HIS ACCENT!!!!! if you haven’t heard him speak in english yet, or just speak at all, now’s the time to google that shit. it’s deadly af on video, but goddamn, like everything else about him in person, it’s truly something else live.

mercifully, when he gave me back my shirt and pen, i still had enough life left in me to ask for a picture before i finally passed out. i never would’ve forgiven myself if i forgot!!!

me: thanks again, niko. is it alright if we take a picture?

niko: sure, of course! (god i love him; also, he loves to say “of course” for some reason sjkdhfdfjsdkfh)

so i had my shirt and sharpie in my left hand, and was trying to work my phone with my right hand. niko sidled up real close to my left side and HOLY FUCKING SHIT. he was so warm. and his arm was f i r m. he was leaning really close and my brain was short-circuiting from trying to memorize every single detail and trying to work my phone camera.

(note: my lock screen is niko drenched in beer after they won the bundesliga. thankfully, i turned off my phone’s auto lock just the night before. imagine if he saw me trying to unlock my phone with his wet self plastered on my screen. i never would’ve survived the shame.)

as i was skin on skin with niko, my organs were literally failing. my hands were shaking and sweating, and my camera just. wouldn’t. set. on. photo. it went to video, to slow mo, to god knows what else. it was already getting embarrassing and i was mumbling apologies to niko bc i was sure i’d already taken more than enough of his time. and i haven’t forgotten that kathleen was still there! still staring at us, at me, and witnessing every single mortifying thing!!!!

niko, literally heaven itself incarnate, was so patient though and just chuckled. oh. fuck. me. his chuckle. y’all know his voice is deep af, right? and you know that certain r a s p that comes with it. well, fuck. he did this deep ass raspy chuckle that went straight down to my loins!!!!! christ on a bike!!!! my inner whore was literally about to jump out!!!!! i’ve fantasized about hearing it in person for so long but jesus fucking christ I WASN’T READY. ALL THIS TIME AND MY BODY STILL WASN’T READY!!!! AND I’M DAMN SURE IT WILL NEVER BE READY!!!!!!!!! NO ONE IS READY FOR THIS ATTACK!!!!!!!!

g o d. anyway, he finally took pity on me. he chuckled (i’m on the brink of death here!!!) and reached for my phone to help me take the goddamn photo. he set it on photo (freaking finally, thanks niko) and we posed for the photo. hell, he was so close again. while i tried to smile and look somehow decent, i just had to take away as much detail as i could before we parted.

1. i already said this, but his h a i r. so soft. and houston was freaking humid. while mine was literally about to turn into a bird’s nest from the humidity, the man just couldn’t look fugly if he tried!!! he literally had NO FRIZZ. damn niko, tell me your secret!

2. his stubble was SO CLOSE. every strand? PERFECTION. no words could adequately describe it. and holy shit, his jawline and cheekbones. if i touched it i could literally lacerate my goddamn hand. and he had no pores??? fucking sexy cryptid

3. his c h u c k l e (he wasn’t chuckling anymore, but that shit stays with you till the end of time)

4. HIS S C E N T.

okay. i have a scent kink. i know. TMI. like this whole write up is one big banner for too much fuckin information. but holy shit. HOLY S H I T. until now i still don’t know how to fully describe, and i probably never will succeed in fully conveying what it was truly like (and if my brain embellished some of it; i was really too far gone to know anything anymore), but fuck. f u c k. he wasn’t wearing perfume or cologne, i’m sure of that. nothing too artificial that stood out to my nostrils. probably bc they were going to train under the houston sun and spritzing was wasted and unnecessary. but remember that he was fresh from the shower, so that was basically his main scent. it was very nice, very crisp, very clean. basically, sexy as hell. classy. panty-melting!!!! hell, i don’t know!!!! you know what i mean!!! idk if it’s from the hotel toiletries (if it was, good job post oak hotel!) or if it’s his own (then i need to know niko! what products do you use???). but yeah. clean and crisp. d***y supreme.

and there was also something else. it must’ve been his natural scent. and god. GOD!!!! a bit woodsy (?) and quite sweet. i’ll stop there before i say something that REALLY crosses the line.

so my thumb moves, and we take the photo. ONE FREAKING PHOTO. that’s all i managed. i wasn’t able to look at it until my uber ride to the mall later on, and i really would’ve liked more to take with me and stare at when i’m....lonely. but it was magically HDR, and i looked passable. and niko. again: perfection!!!! now that i know what he’s like in the flesh, nothing else will ever come close. but this does come quite close.

after the photo was taken, i manage to squeak out another “thanks.” niko smiled again (kill me one last time, why don’t you) and squeezed my arm lightly before saying goodbye and finally going up the bus. kathleen could breathe a sigh of relief now.

i don’t know how long i stood there. surely not that long since i still got to take pics with serge, manu, and lewy. but it did feel like forever and i haven’t shaken myself out of it. as i’m writing this, exactly one week later after it happened, i still haven’t shaken myself out of it. i don’t think i ever could.

i’m just thankful to whichever deity made this happen. my houston trip was finally complete (i haven’t met everyone yet at that point, but i just somehow knew deep inside that it would all work out). i got what i came for and more. my extension was not only worth it, but completely priceless. i’ll treasure this whole day and that little moment i got with niko for the rest of my life. that’s for sure.

just to end this, i just wanna say something. i know this was one whole crazy and thirsty post, but seriously. he’s a really nice man. a good man. it wasn’t for more than a few minutes at most, but it felt like forever in my mind. and in that short moment, i just knew he tries his best. i’m a true blue niko stan but even i know he made mistakes. i’m clearheaded enough to acknowledge that. but he tries, and he succeeded. and no matter how calm and cool and collected he always appears to be, you can still see how much it all affects him. hell, he literally grayed in front of our eyes in less than a year. his eyes were a little less bright at the end of the season as compared to his presentation last july. when i gave him that little message of support, i literally saw the relief in his eyes and how much he appreciated it. he and the team have been through quite the ordeal last season, and there are no guarantees it will be easier this time around.

you don’t have to like him, you know. but please. a little basic human respect still goes a long way.

there, i said my piece. and it’s done! thank you, fc bayern, for being so nice and game and all-around wonderful. thank you, kathleen krüger, for staying calm long enough to let me have my moment with niko. and thank you, niko, just for being... you. now here’s the ONE picture i’ll treasure for the rest of my life:

[skamfairy]

The mug.. WHAT ABOUT IT'S NO ONES. What about when Esklid moved in it was just sitting there!! This is the creepiest option lol but srsly! What if Linn found it one day and was like YO ESKILD CHECK IT OUT IT'S A STAR WARS MUG and they both freak out bc STAR WARS?? and Isak in the background like "guys u do realize that sOMEONE has used that already right?? grOSS?? puT THAT DOWN LINN DONT,- PUT THE MUG DOWN-"

NITSA OMG okay this works with my idea. 

what if Even finds the mug and is like “who’s is this” and eskild is like “i don’t know” and Even is shocked “YOU DON’T KNOW?” 

“WHAT DO YOU MEAN YOU DON’T KNOW?” 

“i mean-” eskild waves his hands dramatically to makes his point clear “i don’t know, it was here when we moved in.” 

Even’s face lights up with a smile “you mean you don’t know?” 

“Is that not what i just said?” Eskild can’t believe how dramatic his baby jesus’s hot older boyfriend is. it’s offensive because eskild is meant to be the drama queen here. 

Even is still grinning when Isak comes out with wet hair, pulling his shirt on, as he kisses a bright Even on the cheek. 

Isak giggles at the sight of his sun smiling so bright. 

“are you this happy to see me or did i miss something?” 

“well obviously im happy to see you-” 

“good answer” 

“bUT ISAK”

“welp here it is” 

“LOOK” 

isak stares at the mug “um yeah?” 

‘isak ISAK did you know that we don’t know where this came from?” 

“wait WHAT?” he turns on Eskild “WE HAVE BEEN USING A STRANGERS MUG THIS WHOLE TIME?” 

“oh shush you, don’t act like i don’t know where that little mouth of yours has been. don’t judge me for taking a free mug.” 

Isak blushes as Even throws his head back laughing 

“guys your missing the beautiful, incredible ONCE IN A LIFETIME point here” 

isak smiles because his boyfriend is fucking adorable. 

“which is?….: 

“WE DON’T KNOW WHO THE MUG BELONGS TO?” 

the boys stare at him for a moment. 

Even blinks with the enthusiastic smile still on his face. 

“BEAUTIFUL BLUE EYES…your point?” Eskild finally breaks the trance. 

“This is like the start of a movie!” 

“oh no” isak breathes

“oh yes” 

“im lost” eskild says

“Eskild what if, this mug belongs to the love of your life?” 

Eskild perks up “i’m listening” 

“oh no” 

“what if this is a sign” 

“ooooh a sign!” 

“even it’s just a mug” 

“A SIGN that we need to find him” 

“OH MY GOSH” eskild claps his hands in excitement

“I mean it could be a girl right?” 

“hmm your right.” 

“LINN GET IN HERE THIS COULD BE YOUR SIGN” 

“oh my god please no” 

“so what are we going to do?” 

Isak shakes his head “NOTHING it’s a mug, lets go meet the guys” 

Even grins, “they’ll be here any minute with the girls and their bus” 

“what why??” Isak whines

“because i just texted them to come here with the girls and their bus” 

“oooh good thinking” eskild approves

Isak is so fucking confused

“but WHY?” 

“because we are now on a mission baby”

“EVEN NEI” 

“YES we’re going to find eskilds or linns or nooras soulmate” 

Isak raises a cocky eyebrow “what makes you so sure the owner of that mug isn’t my soulmate?” 

Even smiles “cos he’s standing right in front of you baby”

“hmm but WHAT IF i fall madly in love with star wars mug guy” 

“you won’t” 

“Why are you so sure huh?” 

“because your more into romance film nerds than sci fi nerds” 

Isak narrows his eyes “hmmm not good enough” 

“fine” 

Even leans forward and whispers in his ear “because no one can do that thing you like, better than me” 

Isak can’t help the heat that rises on his neck “okay yeah that is- yep thats a - okay GREAT POINT” 

there is a knock on the door and Even is already pulling Isak toward it. 

“okay so first we’re going to this store.” 

“Even are you seriously dragging me on a trip around oslo to find the owner of this random star wars mug that probably belonged to a rat named harold?” 

Even stares at him pointedly. 

Isak sighs “of course you are, let me go get my coat” 

Isak hears Even let the squads into the apartment 

“ROAD TRIP FOR TRUE LOVE HELL YEAH”  Magnus yells as sana announces shot gun. 

Isak laughs and rolls his eyes. this is going to be such a flop but at least he can play hip hop the whole time. 

“OOH GUYS HAVE YOU HEARD TAYLOR SWIFTS NEW SONG” Vilde shouts 

“OMG YES” isak hears Even agreeing and suddenly he’s regretting all his life choices. 

fy faen. 

whoops i wasn’t planning on writing all of that but lol my idea is they go on a road trip to find the owner of the mug because Even is convinced it’s eskilds love of his lie…. WHO WILL THE OWNER BE?

stay tuned ;) lol

[janebennetts]

things have changed for me

This is nowhere near as good as the perfection from @jiilys and @alrightpotter but this was still super fun to write.

AO3

James Potter to but does Buzzfeed know which friends character it is in five random questions: approximately how many jelly beans are too many

James Potter: because I bought all of the bags in the store

Sirius Black: enough to fill a car?

James Potter: I think it’ll be enough to fill Claire

Sirius Black: “riding claire” wasn’t even funny the first time prongs

Remus Lupin: wouldn’t it be “riding in claire”??

Sirius Black: #exposed

James Potter: #blocked

Peter Pettigrew to i’m lizzie bennet and sirius black is way hotter than darcy: I don’t think this is going to work

Peter Pettigrew: and even if it does, will people even watch it?

Sirius Black: people watched it on the middle

Remus Lupin: you’re the only person on earth who watches the middle

James Potter: does anyone even watch our regular videos

Peter Pettigrew: true

James Potter to Lily Evans: you coming to help film?

Lily Evans: nope

James Potter: :(

Lily Evans: pathetic

Lily Evans: of course I’m coming to help

Lily Evans: I wanna get my hands on some peach jelly beans

James Potter: they’re gonna be stuck to the other jelly beans

James Potter: (if this works)

Lily Evans: peach jelly beans with obstacles

Sirius Black to but isn’t james potter more of a state of mind: prongs way

Peter Pettigrew: ???

Sirius Black: where are you

Sirius Black: duh

Remus Lupin: remember when you texted like a human being

Sirius Black: nope

Remus Lupin: me neither

Sirius Black to WAY PRONGS: srsly jim way

Remus Lupin: we’re standing here around a car looking like idiots

Sirius Black: u always look like an idiot

Peter Pettigrew: guys we’re right next to each other

Peter Pettigrew: you can just say ur dumb insults to each other’s faces

James Potter: sry m8s I picked Lily up and she wanted to stop for lunch

Sirius Black: oooooooh

Sirius Black: ooooOOOOOHHHH

James Potter: not like that

James Potter: we just had tacos

Peter Pettigrew: oooOOOOOH

Peter Pettigrew: dang it

Peter Pettigrew: im too late

James Potter: better luck making fun of me next time pete

Lily Evans to James Potter: I can’t believe those jelly beans actually melted and stuck to the car

James Potter: I can’t believe you ripped a chunk off and started eating it

James Potter: thanks for filming, by the way

Lily Evans: just call me Freddie Benson💋

James Potter to Sirius Black: she sent me a kiss emoji

James Potter: what do u think that means

Sirius Black: maybe she meant to hit another emoji

Sirius Black: like the nose bc u stink

Sirius Black: idk ask Remus

James Potter added Remus Lupin to the chat

Remus Lupin: christ

Remus Lupin: its like three am

Remus Lupin: i need my beauty sleep

Sirius Black: its not working

Peter Pettigrew to not like that, we just had tacos: WE’RE ON BUZZFEED

James Potter: ??!!!

Peter Pettigrew sent a link to These Crazy Hilarious YouTubers Filled A Car with Jelly Beans to See If They Would Melt

Sirius Black: they called us “crazy hilarious”

Remus Lupin: a woman in the comments said “they get paid to do this?” though so I wouldn’t say we’re famous yet

Peter Pettigrew: if we got paid to do this I wouldn’t have to work at starbucks

James Potter to i’m sorry for being right, sirius: i’m adding Lily to the chat  

Sirius Black: this is moving fast

Sirius Black named the chat JAMES POTTER WETS THE BED

James Potter named the chat WELCOME EVANS

Remus Lupin named the chat stop

Remus Lupin: come up with some better jokes padfoot

James Potter named the chat Group Chat

James Potter added Lily Evans to the chat

Lily Evans: wait

Lily Evans: why is ur chat name “group chat”

Lily Evans: who does that???

Lily Evans named the chat Freaks and Geeks

Sirius Black: i like her already

Lily Evans to James Potter: uggggghhhh

Lily Evans: talk to me

James Potter: bout what?

Lily Evans: anything other than vernon dursley

James Potter: whales have no sweat glands

Lily Evans: fascinating

Lily Evans: gotta go eat with the fam

Lily Evans: i’ll take a swig of wine every time vernon says “actually”

James Potter: you’ll die in five minutes

Lily Evans: make sure they bury me in prada

Lily Evans to James Potter: i habve a new pshilosophy

Lily Evans: ill flip a coin dfor every desicion so i don’t enmd up high strung like petunia  f

James Potter to Lily Evans: where are you

Lily Evans: crowns pub

James Potter: i’m coming to get you

Remus Lupin to Sirius Black: why was lily sleeping on our couch

Sirius Black: so thats what the unearthly screaming was

Sirius Black: did u sit on her or something

Remus Lupin: no

Remus Lupin: (yes)

Remus Lupin: i hadn’t had coffee yet

Remus Lupin: it was dark

Sirius Black: uv still gotten more action than James

Lily Evans to James Potter: thank u for picking me up

James Potter: don’t mention it

James Potter: i would have taken the couch, u know

Lily Evans: i know

Lily Evans to APRIL THE GIRAFFE HAS GIVEN BIRTH: guess who I just met

Sirius Black: no

Remus Lupin: i can literally hear u laughing from ur room padfoot

Remus Lupin: that was not remotely funny

Sirius Black: i’m being joyful

Sirius Black: u already look twenty years older than u are

Sirius Black: u wouldn’t if you laughed a little

James Potter: can we stay on topic pls

James Potter: who did you meet?

Lily Evans: so I flipped a coin to decide whether to get a burger or go out to lunch with Petunia

James Potter: that is an easy decision??? u didn’t need to flip a coin

Lily Evans: but it worked out

Lily Evans: I went to lunch with Petunia

Lily Evans: (it was so fancy)

Lily Evans: and I met some YouTube exec who said they needed some “good, cleancut kids” to make videos and work with them and stuff

Sirius Black: and you didn’t lead with this?!

James Potter: excellent job lil!

Remus Lupin to Sirius Black: so he’s already calling her “lil”

Sirius Black: better than “lily evans, love of my life and future wife”

Remus Lupin: so what’s with the whole coin thing?

Sirius Black: jim said she went out to dinner with petunia and vernon, got smashed, and vowed to flip a coin for all her decisions

Sirius Black: and now she’s sober and is too stubborn to change her mind

Remus Lupin: already calling him “jim”, huh?

Sirius Black: ours is a forbidden love

Peter Pettigrew to WE HAVE NO IDEAS: so what are we going to do for our pitch

James Potter: look at the name of the chat

Peter Pettigrew: but we have to come up with something

Remus Lupin: he’s right

Sirius Black: how about “girl decides to flip a coin for every decision”

Lily Evans: exploitation

Lily Evans: i like it

James Potter to Lily Evans: so come over around seven so we can start filming

Lily Evans: I flipped a coin and it says eight

James Potter: flip that coin and see if you’d like to come to dinner with me

James Potter: (but like, only if you want to)

James Potter to Remus Lupin: REMUS WHAT HAVE I DONE

James Potter sent Remus Lupin a picture

James Potter: she’s going to think im some “nice guy” who thinks he deserves sex just bc they’re friends

Remus Lupin: james, chill

Remus Lupin: tbh that might be better than her first impression of you

Lily Evans to James Potter: I don’t need a coin for that decision ;)

Lily Evans: pick me up in twenty?

James Potter: sounds like a plan

James Potter to Remus Lupin: YES

James Potter to Sirius Black: YES

James Potter to Peter Pettigrew: YES

Remus Lupin to I’m not a regular buzzkill, I’m a cool buzzkill: hey, we’re ready to go

Remus Lupin: Sirius has literally poured a pot of coffee into his mouth

Sirius Black: its true, i did

Lily Evans: we’re on our way

Sirius Black to Peter Pettigrew and Remus Lupin: “we’re on our way”

Peter Pettigrew: WE’RE

Remus Lupin: can we be mature about this

Remus Lupin: lol just kidding james must be freaking out

Sirius Black: wonder if they’re gonna tell us?

Peter Pettigrew: idk be cool

James Potter to are you driving a snail? it’s been twenty minutes: we’re pulling in

Lily Evans: we brought bagels!

Sirius Black to WITHOUT JAMES: she is wearing HiS SoCKs

Remus Lupin: they can’t possibly think we don’t know

Peter Pettigrew: omg

Remus Lupin: we should probably act surprised when they tell us

Sirius Black: what is right

Sirius Black: what is wrong

Sirius Black: i don’t know anymore

Remus Lupin: chill

Remus Lupin: I can see sweat dripping down your face

Peter Pettigrew: don’t u think they see us texting under the table

Lily Evans changed the chat name to why are we texting

Lily Evans: are you guys taking a vow of silence

Lily Evans: james already filmed a bit of me flipping the coin to decide my outfit and what to get for breakfast

Lily Evans: maybe my next decision should be deciding whether we should have an actual conversation

Peter Pettigrew: their on to us

Peter Pettigrew: oops I didn’t send that to anyone

Peter Pettigrew: haha

Lily Evan to remus we’re out of biscuits: alright, I finished editing our video!

James Potter: you angel

James Potter: too good for me

Lily Evans: I know

Lily Evans: I’ll get it ready to present to the YouTube exec too

Remus Lupin: thanks Lily

Remus Lupin to WE HAVE BEEN OUT OF BISCUITS FOR THREE DAYS: we need to talk about our pitch

Remus Lupin: more specifically, what we’re wearing

Remus Lupin: bc sirius, you did not need to order me seventeen boxes of clothes

Remus Lupin: james, you did not need to send me twenty pairs of shoes and fifteen watches

James Potter: we’re like robin hood

James Potter: except without the stealing

Lily Evans to James Potter: the pitch is at four, could you swing by my house about two hours before

Lily Evans: its more fun getting ready when there’s someone with you

Lily Evans: and then we’ll drive there together

James Potter: I’m starting to think you don’t know how to drive

Lily Evans: I do

Lily Evans: I just prefer going with you

Peter Pettigrew to never gonna give you up: that went well?

Remus Lupin: surprisingly

James Potter: I think we got the job?

Peter Pettigrew: MONEYYYYYYYYYY

Sirius Black: greed is a sin pete

Remus Lupin: says the man who actually tried to create a swimming pool of money

Lily Evans: drinks on me!

Sirius Black to are u sure u still want to pay, lily?: u guys have been on like two dates

Sirius Black: u don’t have to act married

James Potter: it’s called being in love

James Potter: u should try it sometime

Lily Evans: you’re in love with me?

James Potter: oh no

James Potter: shit

James Potter: I did NOT mean that

Lily Evans: you didn’t?

Lily Evans: that’s a shame, because I’m pretty in love with you

Sirius Black: gross

[eldaryalltheway]

Hii, how are you?~ I would like some headcanons about how the MCL and Eldarya boys wake up next to Candy/Gardienne please uwu

Hello sweetheart ^^I’m fine, and you? :DI hope you really like these headcanons and have a really nice dayyy!!

Here we gooo!!!

MCL:

Nathaniel:

It was the first time you two slept together after dating for a long time

You fell asleep on his chest last night and his arms were wrapped around you

He woke up really early with his cat, white trying to get to his bed

So with the hand that wasn’t holding you, he picked white

He then looked at you

You were sleeping peacefully and looked like a doll

Your beauty was something from another world

He couldn’t help but smile

He couldn’t believe he was laying next to the love of his life

And believe me, he loves you more than anyone in the world

He kisses your forehead several times thinking about everything you both went through together

And he is so happy to have you

He wishes that moment never ends

He maybe wants to kiss you or bring you closer but he’s afraid of waking you up

So he just plays with your hair while admiring you

And calling himself the “luckiest man alive” and thinks of how much he wants you both to be together untill the very end

Castiel:

Well, I believe this was after your first hot night (i’m sorry)

You both fell a sleep in each other’s arms

But Castiel woke in the middle of the night for no reason

You were really close to him and he can’t help but giggle

You look so cute while you are sleeping

It made him think of how much he loved you

You were a special girl he loved a damn lot

And he would do anything with you and for you

He wishes he could tell you all the words he has in his head but he just gets too embarassed

So he tries to show it through actions and wonders if you know how much he loves you

Probably mutters something cheesy

Or maybe “I love you”

And blushes a lot even though you aren’t even hearing

He trusts you a fucking lot and hopes you two can last

And when he thinks it

HE ACTUALLY WANTS IT

To him you’re the best gift the world could give him, and he’s really happy to have you

Will kiss your lips while you’re a sleep.

Lysander:

You stayed over the night because it was raining and you couldn’t go home

You both fell asleep cuddling in the sofa because the lights went off 

He wakes up when the electricity comes back

The first thing he does is to check up on you

You had a blanket aand it was covering your face

He slowly takes it from your face so he can see how gorgeous you are

You are his dream for sure and he couldn’t wish for more

He admires you with a smile in his face while brushing off some hairs from your face

His plan was actually to lay you in his bed

But you seemed really confortable

And he was too confortable with you there

Also, he was too busy admiring you

Man, let’s be serious he probably thought of some song to write of how much he loves you

I mean it’s obvious that he loves you so much

And he let’s you know in every way

He would never mistreat you

He thinks you’re his world

He eventually starts cuddling with you again

Thanking gods for giving him the woman he’ll spend his whole life for sure

Armin:

It was a really hot summer night and you both fell alsleep on his room by accident

Like, Armin was like a star and you were there sleeping like a baby on the last 6 cm of the bed with no problem

He woke up at 12PM because he was hungry as hell and it was really hot in the room

He then saw what he was doing to you and then pulled you slowly closer to him

You were unbothered but “oops?”

He always tries to don’t move a lot in bed but he ends up doing it everytime

And he’s worried about you, like did he hurt you

As the other boys, he would find you the most gorgeous girl in the world

You were his princess and he loved you more than he loves himself tbh

This man would take like one hour of his day to admire you!

But since you were asleep he could take two hehehe…

He can’t hold himself back so he hugs you, kisses your cheeks, nose, neck, forehead, lips… EVERYTHING! but really carefully 

He thinks you look absolutely stunning any time of the day and any time of the year

But when you’re a sleep you have a small smile on your face, especially when he holds you

That makes him think if you’re thinking of him or something

He then starts to waking you up sweetly so you could make out with him

And probably asks you to marry you just for the laughs

But on the inside he’s pretty serious 

He just loves his princess and can’t hide it right?

Kentin:

You and him were sleeping like a spoons (is that what you call it?), you were the little one.

First things first, he looooves sleeping with you like that

So he’s like the happiest little puppy in the world

And you absolutely love it!

Just like to Armin, you’re his princess and he loves you so damn much

Like he really does

But then, when he wakes up you were already awake

He loved to wake up next to you because you looked stunning

Even though your hair was a mess and you probably did have drool on your chin

HE DOESN’T CARE

He kisses you while smiling

Happiest man tbh

In his mind he’s wondering how many kids should you two have

What about 60?

Sounds great.

But seriously, he couldn’t wish for more than all those cute things you did in the morning together

Like tickles, kisses, make out sessions, flirt

Idk man, he loves you

And he’ll make you the happiest girl on earth 

ELDARYA:

Ezarel:

I believe that Ezarel can either have a lightly sleep or be a soundly sleeper, it really depends

So this night he was really tired and fell asleep in your arms

Which is a bit rare even if you date because he prefers to you to be on his arms

 You woke up first

Also rare

And you were stroking his hair carefully so he wouldn’t wake up

After a long while, he does wake up and the first thing he does is looking at you

“Good Morning Gorgeous” he says

He looks at you like you were his world and gets close to you

He really loves you and trusts you

Even if he doesn’t say it that often, but he woke up in a really good mood so of course he’ll tell you

“Did I ever told you how much I love you?” his voice sounded a bit shy

You just kiss his cheek and stay there with him for the whole morning

Untill probably someone knocks on your door

It’s probably your responsabilities

He enjoys every moment he has with you but, waking up next to you it’s just the world’s 8th wonder

I mean, this guy is pretty genuine

But he’s really shy 

So he doesn’t say what he should when he should

He just loves you, and wishes to you to never leave his side

If you weren’t there one morning, he would be dead

Like, he would be really bad moodded for the whole day

Because you’re his good mood and happy vitamin

Nevra:

Nevra is a sunshine that is freaking out when he woke up next to you

Not freaking out like in a bad way 

It’s just that you look too cute sleeping on his chest while lightly snoring

Tbh, you sounded like a cat and he was dying

He also had hearts coming out of his eyes

He kissed your lips and admired you for a moment

But then you woke up

And he was like “shit sorry”

You together with Karenn are his protected ones

Like you could’ve killed ten random people, but it would never be your fault

He protects you from everything, even the dark hehe

Because you’re afraid of it hehehe

And he finds it adorable

He may seem like a playboy but he’s planning your kids names, don’t be tricked

But srsly, he doesn’t have emotions nor words to describe how happy he is to wake up next to you…

Like he didn’t even smoke but just from looking at you he gets “high”

You’re his angel and anyone can NEVER take you away from him

He tells you he loves you all the time and from time to time writes you letters with his feelings

I mean it doesn’t sound like him but…

…  at work he’s always thinking of you so since there isn’t big things to work on, he tries to write them

Sometimes they’re really cheesy and a bit embarassing but you love them as much as you love him

Valkyon:

He gets really shy around you and maybe doesn’t tell you how he feels and how much he wants to love you

So when you’re asleep next to him he says everything 

Like you’re soundly asleep and he’s confessing his love to you

You’re his sweet dream

You’re his sugar bun

YOU’RE HIS BABY GIRL

AND HE LOVES AND TRUSTS YOU SO MUCH

He’s even afraid to hold you because you’re so fragile

But he loves you, and loves how funny you are when you wake up

He wishes to lay with you forever

He wants to love you

He has eyes for only you

He probably has adoration in his eyes looking at you while you sleep

He feels lucky

He ends up caressing your cheeks and kiss them

But nothing more

Then he would either cover you and leave

Or sleep again

Hey babies!I’m really sorry that these things are taking a while to post but I want them to be as good as possibleI think I did better this time…What do you think?I’ll try to post more 2 one shots/headcanons idk yetI hope you enjoy this and my blogFeel free to request.

Love you all

diana xx

[tayegi]

Its going downhill omg “And if I find out that you’ve let someone else touch what’s mine… You’ll regret it.” HE'S A PSYCHOPATH....I'm curious About what will happen between jimin and her while jungkook is away!

Anonymous said:I started getting creepy vibes from Jungkook in equilibrium back in ch 4 when the girl said she felt like he might hit her before he kissed her (which is not a normal feeling you should get from your lover, even fleetingly) and he just keeps getting worse. You're doing a great job at showing how unhappy she is so I think people who are defending jungkook are purposefully being blind cause you're clearly not portraying it as a healthy relationship and never have been. Hope you're doing well!

Anonymous said:The relationship the OC, Jungkook, and Jimin have in Equilibrium honestly makes me sad. Separately, I think they could be much happier but together they're toxic and destructive. None of them are doing something good because they're all using each other, and Jungkook's behavior is in no way "hot"... you've built an incredibly interesting story, and I'm excited to see where t goes!

Anonymous said:To the people who think jungkook in equilibrium: NO HE'S NOT. Honestly, I can't understand how people find him attractive still, but I'm going to try to guess. Maybe it's the idea of being so completely "loved" by someone or having them pour all of their attention onto you. But the thing is, you deserve better than some psycho who says they care. (1/2)

Anonymous said:You deserve someone who treats you like a human, not and object. You deserve to feel safe. to you, Lu: Thank you for writing such a beautifully morbid piece. I know it's not finished, and with all the frustrating responses it may be a lot to deal with at times since you're already so busy, but thank you. This story shows that relationships aren't always nice, or good, or healthy. It shows how tragic they can really be, and while someone may not be "good", they shouldn't have to deal with bs(2/2)

Anonymous said:It terrifies me that girls can find jungkook's character to still be attractive. There's a difference between someone being kinda protective or playfully jealous and straight up psychotic and possessive. I get that maybe it's like "oh but he was such a good guy" or that they're attached to an idea of jungkook in real life, but that doesn't make it any less concerning. In fact, it find it even more terrifying frankly. (1)

Anonymous said:The reason I find it more terrifying that people would still find him attractive if their reason is attachment to the real life human or previous attachment from earlier in the fic is that this is exactly how abusive relationships happen. It's not likely that someone will start off hitting you or being controlling on like the second week you're together. Everything will be close to perfect probably. (2)

Anonymous said:The whole issue (that I think your fic executes perfectly) is what happens when a relationship becomes something toxic, and this person (who you may or may not be in love with) becomes someone you never would have originally dated. But the inability to see the situation for what it is and to continue to idolize and love someone unconditionally is a huge concern. When you have to blur the lines of right and wrong for someone, chances are something is wrong. I just wish people could see that. (3)

Anonymous said:As someone who has been in a past relationship with him being possessive. It's not cute it's not sexy it's fucking terrible and terrifying. Lucky I was able to get out of it quickly. My older brother and mommy made a sure he would stay the hell away from me because he keep harassing me calls, texts, showing up at my house unannounced. Even tho this is a fanfic they are things people need to take seriously and not be light hearted about this.

Anonymous said:Ok honest time right now the new chapter of equilibrium gave a anxiety,It was just like I could feel the tension and the idk everything just coming over me and the times Jungkook said the oc was his and only his made me so uncomfortable and uneasy srsly it was like I was the one in an abusive relationship and then she tries to "escape" to Jimin and even then she can't because even subconsciously, idk if it makes sense,Jungkook its still trapping her and not letting go and I feel so bad for her

thekookiecrush said:I started reading Equilibrium today and I just finished it and omg, everything that is said or is happening, it's like a shot in my heart, sometimes I shivered because the whole situation is so fucked up but your story is so good, my heart is still racing from chapter 11. I can't wait for the story to be continued... thank you for that high-quality masterpiece

Anonymous said:ok like tbh im super done with every single anon that takes the time to actually defend jk's disgusting behavior. it might be difficult to look past his real-life persona as an idol, but come on. no man, no matter how beautiful or nice to other people, should be allowed to do this or even 1/5th of this to a woman. it's just not.......justifiable at all. like please get your heads straight and think for a few moments before sending practically misogynstic messages like this. im just....wow wtf

Anonymous said:Patiently waiting for Jin or yoongi to separate all of them. I can't trust jungkook for one sec it sound like there's more going on when he's not around the oc and jimin. I don't trust jimin obviously and the oc. Now it's gotten to the point where I'm just like please leave eachother the oc and jimin are hurting as of jungkook idk if he actually has real feelings for the oc but hmm. THEY ALL NEED TO GO.

awkward-kooks said:This is why we need to work harder against abuse. It's not a pretty thing to romanticize it since it is dangerous. As someone whose best friend is in an emotionally, mentally, and physically abusive relationship, it hurts seeing some of your readers thinking that Jungkook's personality (at least in the FANFICTION) is completely OK and valid since he's just "protecting" the reader or "getting jealous" of Jimin's character.

Anonymous said:Argh, reading the new chapter makes me feel kind of sick. I feel so bad for the OC and this whole situation is giving me anxiety. The way Jungkook is acting makes me want to scream at him hahaha :( I can't believe he doesn't see how wrong this is (being all possessive and guilt-tripping her and all) :((( but it was amazingly written so thank you!

Anonymous said:So I'll be honest enough to say that I just started reading Equilibrium. At first it feels so intense and you just start feeling on edge (in an angsty/giddy way). But after a while, the relationship dynamics begin to feel digusting! Don't get me wrong tho I 100% luv ur writing but the abuse is getting way out of hand and I wouldn't want that for myself my gawd i would've quit from day 1 hahaha cause im kinda possessive, and sharing with another person and endure abuse is a big fuck no!!

Anonymous said:Wow Equilibrium is getting scary. What scares me more is that you are writing an OC who is scared about what could possibly happen, she is being emotionally manipulated. And there are people who think that what JK is doing is sexy. I hope that your readers eventually understand what is and what isn't a healthy relationship. None of this is healthy. You want relationship goals look at Morticia and Gomez Adams. This is a fantastic piece of writing though. Thank you.

Anonymous said:Thank you for that amazing update holy shit. Jungcock is seriously scaring me so much and I feel so bad for the mc and Jimin. I feel as if Kookie purposely poisoned Jimins food. And honestly I'm so scared for the mc. Like the way Jungkook traps her and has this possessiveness, powering over the mc freaks me out so much. I feel as if the mc will not be able to take the possessiveness anymore and well run away? Thank you for the update. This chapter I feel is very important. Have a good day!

THANK YOU GUYS SO MUCH FOR NOT FALLING PREY TO OUR DISGUSTING MISOGYNISTIC SOCIETY THAT TELLS US A POSSESSIVE, CONTROLLING, CRAZY MAN IS SEXY!!! IT’S NOT. IT’S FUCKING SCARY AKLSJDFKLSJF IM SO GLAD THAT THERE ARE SANE PPL OUT THERE

[ralphmorgan-blog1]

6 Things You Need To Stop Doing In Your Engagement Photos

There’s nothing I love more than when my friends tell me they’re getting married. I so look forward to spending money on an outfit, hotel, travel, and gifts—the thought of spending a cool two grand on the wedding weekend alone just delights me. Being hit by such crippling loneliness that I'm left crying into my wine at the end of the night, only to be consoled by the bartender (until his shift ends) gives me life. And the real high point of my life is the day after wedding hangover buffet where I can decide between gorging myself to death on bacon or inhaling the not-so-short stack of pancakes (spoiler alert: I choose them both). And what brings about this beautiful chain of events? THE ENGAGEMENT SHOOT. Engagement photos are the newest way to showcase your love and devotion for the person you want to spend the rest of your life with and are also the reason why I drink. It’s not enough that I have to watch you gush over your #mcm on Instagram every goddamn day, but now you want me to have a permanent memento of your love and, like, what? Hang it on my fridge? The most sacred spot in my home aside from my bed and the couch? You monster. I have enough engagement photos hanging on my fridge rn, judging me with their happiness every time I contemplate eating a jar of icing and drinking a bottle of wine for dinner. I don’t need that kind of negativity in my life. So if you want me, the person who will be permanently stationed at the open bar and will probably drunkenly make out with your fiancé’s much younger brother, to come to your wedding then here’s the six things you need to stop doing ASAP.

1. Wearing Matching Outfits

Honestly, I understand the thought process behind matching outfits for the engagement photos. You’re trying to send a message like, “we’re a unit now” and, “I have forfeited all of my individual thoughts and opinions to be with this person.” It’s v romantic. But when I see two adults in cream colored ensembles posing on a beach all I can think is "siblings posing for the family Christmas card." It looks less romantic and more as if behind the scenes, their mother is threatening to take away their data plans if they don’t SMILE AND LOOK LIKE THEY’RE HAVING A GOOD TIME. This isn’t , incest vibes don’t hold up here. They are neither appreciated nor accepted on my fridge, so cut that shit out. 

2. Costume Themes

I will never understand why two grown adults think it’s a good idea to dress up in cosplay to show the world they’re mature enough to get married for their engagement photos. It ranks right up there with the matching outfits thing. Do you think you’re unique because you have a wand in your photo and “always” is part of your wedding hashtag? Do you know who else owns a wand and is incorporating lines from a children’s book into their wedding vows? Anyone who was born between the years 1985-2000 and had working eyes and ears, that's who. Newsflash: broadcasting how much of a Potterhead you are in your engagement photos does not make you unique or quirky, it just makes me want to take shots. 

3. Intimate Poses

People who treat their engagement photo like a personal ad for Playboy are the fucking worst. First of all, if your favorite book is , that's embarrassing enough. Why must you now recreate it for your closest friends and family? It's like you WANT me to claw my eyes out or something.The last thing I want to see when I’m deciding between pints of ice cream is you and your fiancé engaging in foreplay in with the words “save the date” below your groping hands. If I wanted to see alarming levels of PDA I’d replay the finale of . NOPE. I’m not here for it.

4. Anything With Camo

I can’t with a couple who wears camo. When I see camo all I can think is “budget wedding” and “there will be a beer run halfway through the ceremony.” Srsly can’t wait. They usually caption their engagement photo with something like “the hunt is over” which leads me to believe that their engagement came about after they ran out of matches on Tinder and reconnected with each other through a 2am Facebook DM. I, mean, the hunt is over? This isn’t The Hunger Games, it’s your love story, for God’s sake. Quit being so fucking dramatic. I already know that if I attend this wedding I can expect the venue to be exploding with mason jars and people who hate Obamacare but love the ACA. Sounds lit, will 100 percent be there.

5. The Psycho Stare

You know the one I’m talking about. The close-up shot where he’s either looking at her or off into the distance and she’s staring straight at the camera with her ring pointed like a deadly weapon. She’s got that look in her eyes that says she may or may not have killed for this ring and if you don’t show up to her wedding with a mid- to high-priced item from her registry you’ll be next. It’s fucking frightening. Also, when the bride-to-be inevitably makes every single one of her Facebook friends want to unfriend her puts up all 250 photos from the engagement shoot, the guy always looks like a prisoner of war. Always. It makes me want to be like, dude, blink once if you want to be here, twice if you’re being held against your will. 

6. Animal Props

We get it, you have a fiancé AND a dog and I’m still buying crop tops at Forever21. Congratu-fucking-lations. You win at life. If you have a dog, FINE, I guess you can put him in your engagement photos. I can pick my battles here. My real issue is with the people who get fucking elaborate with their photos and add, like, a horse into the mix. The whole setup is extremely awkward. They’re always leaning on the animal or feeding it a snack while looking at each other and laughing like they have a fucking secret. It’s v unsettling. And the girl who would use an animal as a prop—let’s call her Jennifer—is usually the same girl who held a special meeting during sorority recruitment to blackball the horse freak from making it to the next round because Jennifer had a feeling that she “wouldn’t fit in.” Oh, how the tides have turned, Jennifer. HOW THE TIDES HAVE TURNED.

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6 Things You Need To Stop Doing In Your Engagement Photos was originally posted by A 18 MOA Top News from around

[babymyharry]

the morning after

about five of my friends and i were just casually chilling around the coffee table @ 3 am last night (morning) talking about what we would do if any of us ever hooked up with harry. don't ask, idk either. but that’s how this got thrown together. i should be doing homework right now btw. i hate harry styles a lot (jk i love that bitch) 

WARNINGS :: a lot of this is literally just “texts” but you know i like to think i have a sense of humor so :-) like i said this is what i, ME PERSONALLY, would do if i ever hooked up with harold (lol) soooooo keep that in mind lmfao. 

don’t know how i feel about this one (questions my entire thought process) but hey! it’s something and i haven't posted in a while :) enjoy (;

O V E R V I E W 

“Lady in the streets, freak in the sheets or summat like tha’?”

He gets a playful shove and the roll of her eyes as she tries not to laugh at that. What a fuckin’ dork (which, in truth, just makes him all the more perfect to Y/N.)

“You’re a comedic lad, aren’t ya?”

She didn’t get crushes very easily, but it seems Harry was just the right amount of charming to have her falling faster than Alice did chasing after that damn rabbit.

or

Y/N doesn’t do one night stands and Harry truly and honestly believes she’s a proper angel or something. 

masterlist

-

It was the light streaming in through the enormous glass window that woke Y/N up from her slumber. She felt completely at peace, the atmosphere she was in creating the perfect ambiance for her restless early morning thoughts. 

That is, until she realized where she was. Well, not that she really knew exactly where the fuck she was. Because this house is definitely not her tiny studio apartment and there’s no baby Siberian husky at her feet that usually kept her company during the night and made sure to wake her with a slobbery kiss and there was no (annoying) roommate to wake her with the sounds of God knows what. 

Needless to say, Y/N had no idea what she was doing here. 

She vaguely remembers what even happened last night, if she’s being quite honest. Something about an award show her boss (whom she was an assistant for) dragged her to and a whole lot of famous people. 

And that’s exactly what makes her eyes widen and her eyes dart over to the sleeping man next to her. His bare back was facing her but she knows those tattoos from anywhere and - oh shit, he’s rolling over! 

Y/N doesn't mean for her mouth to drop in pure shock when her guess of who was next to her turns out to be accurate. 

Holy fuck, I hooked up with Harry Styles. 

His eyes were still shut tight and she really doesn't think she’s ever seen any boy look so peaceful in her whole damn life. He looks beautifully fucked out and Y/N smiles a sly smile with the remembrance that she’s the one that did that to him. 

Yet, that doesn't stop the adrenaline coursing through her and her mind raising a mile a minute. She really hopes he’s a deep sleeper when she tip toes over to her forgotten purse. She rolls her eyes when she spots her undies quite literally hanging from the lamp sitting in the corner of his bedroom. 

Y/N wasn’t always one for one night stands. She had always gone with the boyfriend route. Any boy who was ever interested in her knew you had to make her feel like a princess much before any clothes would be coming off. And so they did that. She’s had over 5 boyfriends in the past 2 years and maybe it was her fault she kept falling for assholes but Y/N really think she has the words “hurt me” and “break my heart” tattooed on her damn forehead or summat. Because none of them ever worked out. The longest relationship she’s ever been in was three months and that ended about 2 weeks ago when Y/N caught him cheating on her with her roommate (she also needed to seriously look for a new roommate). 

Her best friend Celeste told her the easiest way to forget about a dude was by getting another dudes attention. 

Maybe that’s exactly what Y/N was doing. 

She peers back at the bed with, sure enough, a knocked out Harry Styles still very much asleep. She grabs her phone out of the small clutch she had brought to the event with her last night and texts Celeste with emotions she doesn't know how to describe raising through her. 

to Celeste girl, please tell me you're awake!!!! need some girl help asap

from Celeste what's shakin??

to Celeste okay no time to explain but i took your advice and ventured out and kinda hooked up with a guy??? and he's sound asleep next to me and idk what to do i've neVER BEEN IN THIS SITUATION?? should i like leave or is that bad or will he be annoyed if i stay GIRL HELP ME

from Celeste whoa Y/N!!! WHAT THEFUCK NEVER THOT YOU HAD IT IN YOU

to Celeste SHUT UP OMG HELP ME IM A NUN IDK THESE THINGS

from Celeste okok so he's sleeping right??

to Celeste like a baby

from Celeste yeah plz stay omg

to Celeste stay? should i act like i'm sleeping or something when he wakes up or?????

from Celeste i mean sure but regardless DONT LEAVE THAT HOUSE

to Celeste OK GOTCHA see this is why we're friends

from Celeste so i can give you hoe advice?

to Celeste precisely.

from Celeste yo is he hot lmao

to Celeste girl he's a dream. not only that he's such a gentleman

from Celeste MARRY HIM

to Celeste stfu i'm still freaking out

from Celeste what is this boy's name i need details

to Celeste you wouldn't believe me if i told you

from Celeste wait so i know him??

to Celeste uhm!! kinda ig omg

from Celeste TELL ME DONT DEPRIVE ME OF GOSSIP

to Celeste my lips are sealed

from Celeste ugh you whore Y/N's finally got some dick after lame ass dude from film school and he's so hot she can't even name him. will we ever find out mr dreamy's name?? we'll just have to wait and see. you know i'm always watching. xoxo, gossip girl

to Celeste LMFAO STOPP IT ADKJSF srsly Celeste i'm freaking out i don't know how he's gonna react when he wakes up

from Celeste i'm going to be so honest bc we're best friends. he may be a rly nice ass dude and i'm hoping to God but if he's an ass and asks you to leave i don't want your lil heart to hurt okay? some guys are like that and i don't want you to get your hopes up

to Celeste i won't i won't he was just a hot hookup, yeah?

from Celeste for now at least yeah but hey maybe mr dreamy is rly who you say he is and you end up dating or some shit that would be rad as hell but for now UNLEASH THE INNER HOE

to Celeste OH SHIT HE JUST MOVED GTG PRAY FOR ME

from Celeste   CALL ME RIGHT AFTER YOU LEAVE BABE I WANNA GET TO KNOW MR DREAMY BETTER 

And so with the roll of her eyes and a smile on her lips, Y/N swiftly makes her way back over to the bed, so quietly you might question if she was supposed to be some sort of spy in a different life. 

It’s about three minutes later when his eyes start fluttering that she puts on her best acting impression of someone who totally didn't just text her best friend asking about hook up advice. 

Harry’s hands go to his eyes and he’s blinking and wiping the sleep away when he gets a glimpse of the mile long legs next to his. There’s a brief flashback of last night where those same legs were wrapped around his hips in the car on the way to his flat after - fuck, what event even was that? Her tantalizing physique making it nearly impossible for him to wait to just fucking rip the fabric of the dress off. 

He shakes his head of the memory, glancing to the right angel next to him. 

Her hair was draped perfectly around her face resembling a halo or summat and Harry really doesn’t know what to call the emotions coursing through him. 

She’s beautiful, he decides. Completely and irrevocably beautiful. Harry’s heart does a weird twist and he has no fucking idea what it means but he can’t find a reason to dislike whatever was happening. He quite likes the feeling, actually. 

He doesn't know what the fuck to do, though. Wake her? Let her sleep? 

If only Harry knew she was in the exact same situation minutes ago. 

He opts for leaning over and cuddling into her with a lingering kiss to her cheek. (Y/N was quite the actress, wasn't she?) 

Her eyes slowly blink open as if she’s been asleep for a decade and then they meet with his. 

Her eyes roam from his eyes to his lips, from his eyes to his lips, from his eyes to his lips....

The next thing Harry knows is that they’re kissing. Much less fervent than last night but the drive is still there and he was over the moon about it. Her giggle causes the dimples to shine through as she broke the kiss. 

They probably just stared at each other for a good couple of seconds before he muttered the first sober words, “Mornin’, love.” 

Maybe they were both dissociating the fact they were proper strangers. Proper giggling like they’d been dating or something - how absurd. But neither Harry or Y/N really seem to have a care in the world about that. 

His voice was thick and raspy and Y/N never knew British accents were her thing till now. She could get used to this. 

But then realty sunk in. 

He’s Harry Styles. He’s a multi-milonaire with enough female attention to have a one night stand every night for the rest of his life and then some, if it did fancy him. Y/N couldn't be anything special to him. Right? 

“I should.. I should probably go, right?” 

His eyebrows furrow and those dimples are no where to be found when her question is asked. Maybe Harry was wrong, maybe she didn't feel the same way. 

But God. He doesn't think anyone has ever successfully made him feel this fucked out in a long time and the fact her beauty had him proper stuttering over the next thing he said to her was proof enough of how he felt. 

“What’s the rush?” The way his words come out so very somber (replicating a wounded little puppy dog, and Y/N’s heart almost breaks) causes Y/N to put a hand to his cheek as her eyes go wild in panic. 

“Didn't- didn’t mean it like tha’! Swear. Sorry, I’m just.. not really used to this kinda thing.” 

Harry’s eyes shine at that as lips turn upwards, “Whatcha mean by tha’?” 

“Like,” she motions between the two of them, “I don't hook up.” 

Harry wouldn't admit that actually makes him all the more attracted to her. She definitely wasn’t inexperienced, that he already knew. Far from that, if he’s being frank. But it might've tickled his tulips a bit too much with the information that she hadn’t accompanied too many blokes in their bedroom affairs and he’s seriously relieved about that. Not that he has any room to be jealous of her past lovers... but he is. 

“Lady in the streets, freak in the sheets or summat like tha’?” 

He gets a playful shove and the roll of her eyes as she tries not to laugh at that. What a fuckin’ dork (which, in truth, just makes him all the more perfect to Y/N.)

“You’re a comedic lad, aren’t ya?” 

Y/N really wants to kiss those dimples and stay wrapped in his arms forever. She didn’t get crushes very easily, but it seems Harry was just the right amount of charming to have her falling faster than Alice did chasing after that damn rabbit. 

The hand that was resting on her hip squeezes playfully as he chuckles a very boyish laugh that makes him look years younger. Y/N is a bit too enamored with how pretty she thinks he is. How long ago did they meet again? 

“I try, my darling,” There’s a flash in his eyes and it seems he wants to say so much but settles with holding his hand out for her to shake and she’s confused till he speaks. 

“M’harry.” 

She grins with realization and Harry decides every time she smiles an angel defiently gets their wings. “Y/N.” 

And so they shake hands with eyes full of a lustful kind of love and hearts full of gold. 

“Nice to meet yeh, love.” 

- 

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- amanda xx