#stayalittlelonger

[i4ng3l]

Just Like Heaven - Brandon Lake | House Of Miracles [Official Music Video]

[stayalittlerlonger]

My anxiety making it impossible to post anything I want is just fucked up

[ourundeadminds]

Don’t know who needs to hear this but you are beautiful, handsome, pretty, whatever adjective makes you happy and feel good about yourself. If your having a hard day take a deep breath, drink some water, eat something. Know its ok if your not ok in the moment because things will get better eventually it might only take a day or two or it could take months to years but just know that no matter what there are people who care and love you and would miss you. 

[canijustpaintclouds]

the day my friend told me that they were going to kill themself i didn’t know what to do. they joked and said “i was supposed to kill myself last night but i fell asleep” they would make jokes about it and all i could do was laugh because i didn’t know what to say. everyday it weighs on me that i won’t see you at school. you won’t text me and no one will know until they make the announcement.

i cant breathe.

please be ok.

[directdilse88]

#direct_dilse_88 #stayalittlelongerwithme #stayalittlelonger #stayalittlelongerwithmebaby #love #shayari #sadshayari #shayaristatus #whatsappstatus https://www.instagram.com/p/CbUWf6MrjNe/?utm_medium=tumblr

[itsmikeymedrano]

Brothers Osborne: We’re Not For Everyone Tour 🤠 💀 #BrothersOsborne #WereNotForEveryoneTour #Sacramento #California #Country #Duo #Concert #Cowboy #TJOsborne #JohnOsborne #PawnShop #PortSaintJoe #Skeletons #LightenUp #ShootMeStraight #BurningMan #StayALittleLonger #YoungerMe #Rum #WeedWhiskeyAndWillie #21Summer #ImNotForEveryone #AintMyFault #AllNight #YeeHaw #Weekend #WestCoast #Autumn #Fall #October https://www.instagram.com/p/CVHQyKKr2fn/?utm_medium=tumblr

[queenvesta]

“Something like a strong wind is coming over me Has got a hold of me, yeah #Thinking and doing things I shouldn't be Really I shouldn't be Give it one more #call It's one more "whatcha doin right now?" It's one more #trip to my side of town And you walk right in It's one more here we go again One more drink leads to another You slide up close to me Tear the t-shirts off each other Your hands all over me I tell myself I'm not in #love But one more time is not enough One last #kiss and then you're a goner And I'm here #wishing you could stay a little longer” Stay a Little Longer @brothersosborne #brothersosborne #stayalittlelonger #queeraf #pansexual #genderqueer https://www.instagram.com/p/CK6NTeKJt-m/?igshid=gc6ln0hh30zv

[royricephotography]

"My purpose in life does not include a hankering to charm society." James Dean royricephotography.com / Canon G16 / 28-140mm #dixiechicken #collegestation #texasaggies #texasaandm #texas #royricephotography #royrice #rrp #CanonG16 #wanderlust #partyallnight #stayalittlelonger #signs #rule #pooltable #beer #lonestar #lonestarbeltbucklesandoldfadedlevis #explore #notesfromtheroad (at Dixie Chicken)

[counterfeitmisfit-blog]

My skin will age and wrinkle

My bones, their fate is dust

I am nothing but an already created memory

Go ahead

Forget

•▪•

.z.

[themiddlelayer]

Stayin’ Alive

It was a really hard weeked for me. When I say stayin’ alive, I’m saying that there were a couple moments when I had to remind myself to do that... stay alive. This isn’t something I talk about a lot, but it’s the reality of living with mental health issues. 

(CW: Suicidal ideation)

tl:dr There is hope and a reason to keep fighting to stay alive. 

My mental health has been a battle for as long as I can remember. I’ve had times when I’m mostly fine and the ‘dark & twisty’ is barely audible background noise. There have also been times when I was genuinely a danger to myself. It’s been over a decade since I actually tried to hurt myself... deliberately, but there have been moments that in looking back, I know I was treating my life carelessly. 

Java Bear was one of those moments. I consented to rough play, but I could see in his eyes that I was in actual danger. He could have slipped and lost control very easily. I got lucky in that I got out of that relationship mostly unharmed. 

I remember being as young as 11-12ish, sitting in my open 2nd story bedroom window wondering if “tumbled” just right if I could hit the fence and make sure I didn’t survive the fall. I imagined I would be dead by 16, then 18, then 21... I never planned for my own future because I genuinely didn’t think I would live that long. 

Later in life I began describing it as my ‘self destruct button.’ It would light up and go crazy sometimes and my job was to keep myself far enough away from it that I wouldn’t push it. 

When ExH was deployed for the first time, I actually took a swing at the button and missed. I’d been spiraling for months and nobody around me really saw it. Or if they did, they didn’t step in and try to help. I lived with my mother for a few months and she only fueled the fire... she continued to treat me like an equal, like another adult who was a friend and peer. 

I was 25 at the time, so yes... technically an adult. But I had moments when I really needed mothering and she failed spectacularly and instead treated me as she always had... I was the mom. I was the adultier adult. I had my shit together. That’s how everyone had always treated me, LONG before I should have been treated as such. 

By the fall of 2004 I’d lost a ton of weight and bought my boobs. This was right before buying a house via POA while ExH was still in Iraq, and in the time before people talked about the dangers of opioids. I was prescribed xanax and percocet after my surgery then I had a complication about a week later... another surgery and another prescription. 

I was living in a house with roommates, one of whom I’d been cheating on ExH with for months. I’d given custody of My Kiddo back to her father because she accused my roommate of ‘being mean to her’ and I was in no shape to fight with him and his threats that he’d tell ExH that I was cheating on him. I had a meltdown that Christmas Eve and after getting as drunk as I could, I opened the bottles and took all the pills I had left. It may or may not have been enough to do the job had I fallen asleep. It just happened that ExH was able to get online that night and I stayed awake chatting with him for several hours. 

On New Years Eve I had a meltdown and quit my job. The month of January 2005 was spent literally in bed dealing with what I know now was a detox and withdrawal from the meds. I threatened to slit my wrists on a night when I’d finally ventured downstairs and was super drunk... as usual. My roommate, who had literally brought me food and carried me to the shower periodically threatened to take me to the ER to be admitted if I didn’t agree to find a therapist the next day. Cue therapist #1 who, like those who followed, treated me like I had my shit together and didn’t actually need help. 

A few months later, I’d moved to TX with ExH and I had another episode of sorts while he was away at a school. I went to my doctor to ask for antidepressants and showed him my journal where I’d pondered what would happen if I slit my wrists with DNR. I was admitted to the psych ward for 3 days where I had a tech tell me that just because I’d been there didn’t mean that I couldn’t work there. I was given meds that made me feel worse (that I didn’t continue) and referred to another therapist who treated me like a peer... He was the one who recommended that I buy a puppy training manual and apply the techniques to ExH. 

Over the years, the worst episodes have all happened when I’d get really drunk and lose control. There was a Christmas Eve just a couple years ago when MM said that I scared him... that I was on the ground sobbing about how badly I wanted to die. I only remember bits and pieces of that night because I posted some bad poetry here. 

I’ve been on a single antidepressant for 5+ years and the last time I upped the dose I had panic attacks and needed xanax to sleep. There were still nights when I would ask MM to open the bottle and give me one because I didn’t trust that I would take them all. 

After the quad, things got really bad again. I didn’t tell anyone about the worst moments but I started fantasizing about the irony of just drowning myself in the hot tub by closing the lid on myself. I didn’t use the hot tub for months because I was afraid for myself. My leave of absence from work saved my life. Literally.

Since moving into my own place I’ve opened my eyes on several mornings and immediately started crying. I’ve pondered if the memory foam mattress would soak up all the blood so I don’t make a mess of the new carpet. This morning as I went to put away the rope Puppy tied me up with last weekend I imagined hanging myself with it before chuckling out loud because I can’t tie a knot to save my life... ra-cha-cha. 

My self-destruct button has been blinking bright, but every day I pull myself up and fight to stay alive. 

This morning I took my shirt off and put it on my pillow after soaking through a pile of tissues with tears and snot. Puppy told me he loved me in the throes of it. Matter of fact, that almost made it worse. But I managed to get up. 

I ordered my groceries to be delivered so that I wouldn’t have to get dressed and worry about running into Tampa at the grocery store or shopping at another store I’m less fond of. I printed a letter to Tampa that I wrote yesterday, outlining why I’d cut communication and telling him that if he contacted me again that I’d get a restraining order. I addressed the envelope and found a stamp. I put away all the laundry I did in my portable washing machine then hung to dry. I got my Frida puzzles and print up on in my office and made myself biscuits and gravy. I skipped the cannabutter because I didn’t want to lose control of myself with how scary my morning had been. 

A friend from middle school posted that she needed to talk and she disclosed that her boyfriend is a functioning alcoholic who verbally abuses her when he drinks and even pushed her to the ground once. I encouraged her to get out and told her that she’s strong enough to make it without him... that she can’t put a price tag on her life, no matter how expensive it is to live out there. 

Puppy went on for awhile about how much I mean to him, how much I’ve taught him (referring to before we got all sexy-like together) and how much he credits me for good things in his life. He even said that he’d thought about “kidnapping me and taking him with me” when he moves away. 

A friend from TX reached out tonight asking how I was doing, then disclosed that she’s considering seeking professional help for “emotional issues” of sorts. I encouraged her to look for a therapist and invited her to a page that an acquaintance in Baltimore runs where she talks about self-love, positivity, and her own experiences with mental health issues. I’ll call her my Baltimore Babe or BB.

And on Friday, I showed a co-worker FetLife...I’ll call him Tor because he was technically my mentor when I came to the department but I’ve ended up being a life/relationship coach of sorts for him.  He’s been asking me about polyamory and working on breaking out of, as he calls it, his sheltered life. 

Another co-worker has been helping in that endeavor as well... sending him sex toys and talking to him about her experiences swinging. Of course, I gave Tor the link to my page because I’ve had a bit of a crush on him since day 1, and I even posted a new pic after he said that I should post more. It was fun to talk about that kind of thing on FB while chatting work stuff in the official work chat platform. 

The point of all of it is that no matter how hard it is to stay alive... no matter how bright my self-destruct button blinks, I keep getting reminders of why I didn’t jump, why I didn’t go to sleep, why I didn’t cut and why I didn’t get in the hot tub alone. I hang onto these things for dear life, literally. This is what keeps me alive when my brain screams at me that it’s time to die... that I’ve already outstayed my welcome in this meat suit and that’s why everything hurts so much all the time. 

It hit me as I was about to climb into bed that I need to book a coaching session with my Baltimore Babe and talk to her about how she got started with her blog and ended up making her living at keeping other people alive. She has had times, like me, where keeping herself alive was hard to do. I’ve said it over and over that I’m going to do the coaching thing and make it my career. I need to take action! Bippity bobbity bitches! 

**Disclaimer** If you feel you might be a danger to yourself... if you are considering suicide I’m here to tell you: STAY ALIVE. And ask for help. You matter more than you know!

National Suicide Prevention Lifeline 1-800-273-8255 

[chillyweatherandcomfysweaters]

Things I want to stay alive for:

Laughter

Chilly mornings with nature sounds

Finding little treasures

Puppy kisses

Sunrises

Christmas lights

Learning new things

Keeping my houseplants alive

[dinestesia]

In too deep.

[mikecmcloughlin]

Reading #GoodMorning #HolySpirit by #BennyHinn and I came across this little story. Same sentiment as in the song #alittlelonger by #jennjohnson "Wait, this moment is too sweet, Please stay here with me and love on Me a little longer" #Jesus #intimacy #prayer #closertogod #loveofGod #Godlovesme #worship #heartandsoul #loveandaffection #drawntogether #stayalittlelonger (at Old Quebec City) https://www.instagram.com/p/B7ACq5Thet-/?igshid=1bsi3o6zn967n

[dnbrdn]

Barely breathing...

Just keep going.

Depression. Suicude. Words we usually hear now a days. And I wanna share somthing about that. I got depressed too, before. And nobody knows that until now. I kept it within myself. Who would have thought that a bubbly person like me would get depressed. They saw me as an optimistic person. They thought I’m strong enough to face my problems because I’m always smiling, laughing and sharing good vibes to everyone when they’re in their darkest days. But they didn’t know I needed someone too. They didn’t know I’m weak. I’m fragile deep within my soul. They didn’t know deep inside me, I’m crying for help. Help to pull me up because I’m drowning, and I can’t breathe anymore. Nobody knows, even my parents.

There is this time when I got depressed. It was my downfall. I’m in my apartment, so dark, alone, and I can’t stop crying. I can’t explain what I’m feeling. I don’t know what to do. And in that time, I didn’t expect killing myself would cross my mind. The solution I can only think that time was to end my life so that the pain would stop and my misery would come to an end. Darkness is consuming me. It’s suffocating. But then something’s holding me back. Someone’s telling me to stop what I’m thinking. So I got up and decided to ran away. To go somewhere, away from that place. I was walking, just walking with no direction. The coldness of the night was hugging me. I don’t have someone that time. I was thinking, I can’t share it to anyone because no one will understand. They can’t understand my struggle. They wouldn’t understand because they’re not me. They can’t help me. And yes, that was the worst thing that ever happened to me. But then I survived that time. I don’t know. I just went back home and slept.

I ain’t a suicidal person. It’s not in my personality. But when depression consumes you, you can’t think straight anymore. If pain devours you, you will do anything to take it away. If darkness corrodes you, you feel like you can’t escape from it. And surely, it will lead you to suicide.

So I realised that it’s not that bad to ask someone for help sometimes. When we feel like the darkness starts to eat us that will eventually lead to depression, find someone whom you can talk to. Grab your phone and contact that person. Vent out everything that bothers you. Let it all out. And breathe... I know it’s not that easy but then, it will save you from drowning.

S/o to everyone. Let us be aware of what’s happening around us, especially to those persons that are important to us. Yes, you can see them smiling but who knows, maybe they are already dying inside. If you feel like something’s wrong with them...ask. If you saw their posts or tweets and you know something’s not right...talk to them. And if they open up...listen. It’s okay if you have nothing to say...just, at least, listen. You can already save them.

But do you wanna know what’s the most important thing that will surely pull you up? That’s God. For a moment, just close your eyes and talk to God. Tell Him everything. You can kneel down and cry. God is listening. He can hear your silent screams, your pain, your tears, your brokenness. He will hug you. And I assure you, you’ll be fine. Everything’s going to be fine.

Keep going ;

Stay alive.

- D.C.B

[yogabysinda]

This was taken this past Wednesday after I taught a class. I took some time to stretch my body and open some areas that felt had tension. Me and backbends have a love/ hate relationship. When I start focusing on them, I almost always have similar phases I go through...Starts with the squeeze hard and hold@my breath phase; next cueing my breath to align with the movement of the entrance & exits; this is then followed by a slightly frustrating phase building arm or leg strength; final frontier is overcoming fear (this can often be the hardest phase for me). This past week though, I felt strong & empowered and my legs felt rooted deep into my mat. -don’t be fooled by the mirror, my feet are together! I lifted and lengthened and decompressed every part of my spine i could access right then. As I leaned back, I felt strong. I felt my core stabilized. I felt my arms straight & extended. The surprise came when I thought I’d gone as far back as my upper spine would allow with arms & legs together- then suddenly my body melted just a bit deeper. It made me realize how sometimes we can take something to a certain place within ourselves & believe it’s all we got. Other times instead of giving up when everything tells us we should; we stick around a lil longer & sometimes we are rewarded with something deeper then we had imagined! #backbends #nofear #openyourheart #yoga #ashtanga #vinyasa #bepatient #nasmcertified #iinhealthcoach #barre #lifecoach #spiritjunkie #personaltrainer #Imbendingoverbckwardsforme #lovetakestime #hitpause #yogadailypose #stayalittlelonger #feelstrong (at Tarrytown, New York) https://www.instagram.com/p/B5QQk3Bgt9h/?igshid=1rm200rh4iyz6

[melissadsalas]

Wishing we could “Stay a Little Longer” with Brothers Osborne at the OC Fair! #aintmyfault #countrymusic #ocfair #summer #concerts #countrygirls #country #brothersosborne #chasebryant #mebeforeyou #burningman #stayalittlelonger @mnhorgan 🤠 https://www.instagram.com/p/B0YWe1upspZ/?igshid=1pysvx8ophxmz