#stellar play this shit can almost only end in disaster one way or another

[ria-the-camel]

I love you I will always love you. But the way you're hurting yourself is scary scary. I don't know what to do with it. You're lying to me, you're hiding important, dangerous things from me. Because you don't want to stop. You don't want me to leave you, and I never will, but you're going to leave me. You believe it's the only way for you to be useful. I can't make you change your mind. I'm going to lose you. I love you.

[blancheludis]

Tagging: @tokky231

Fandom: Marvel, Avengers Characters: Tony Stark/Steve Rogers, James Rhodes, Pepper Potts, Bruce Barton, Steve Rogers Chapters: 32/?, Words: 177.126

Summary: Tony meets his soulmate under the worst possible circumstances. It is not just a kidnapping gone wrong. It turns out Steve and his gang picked him on purpose and they want some personal revenge. If only he had managed to say the words written on his soulmate’s arm before they threw him back out into the streets.

—

A week passes in which Steve is completely alone in the base. He wakes up alone, checks their channels for new jobs alone, eats alone, trains alone, goes to sleep alone.

By the third day, the atmosphere becomes too oppressing and he begins wandering around New York, walking streets he knew as a child, venturing into places he has never been. He visits the Metropolitan museum but leaves when he feels too lonely amongst the mass of people moving through the rooms.

Bucky does not answer his phone, Clint is chasing Natasha, Bruce does not stop by again. So much for talking about their situation with the team.

Steve does not know what to do. A decision has been made for him, or so it feels. How can he choose between a team that has mostly already left him and a soulmate he let walk away?

Things will calm down, he is sure. They will come back and then they will talk. Maybe they will laugh about the ludicrousness of him thinking they were going to split up just like that.  They just have to sort out their own problems first. It is all right if they do not want Steve’s help with that. He would not want them talking him into anything concerning Tony too. Except, maybe, he does. At least someone to talk to.

Steve puts up his drawing stuff in the gym where they have the best light. It makes a nice contrast, he thinks. Violence versus art. With Natasha, he knows, they are the same thing. He makes quick sketches of all of his teammates, but the first person he puts on canvas is Tony. He just hopes that is not a sign.

He paints and paints, more than he has in months. It calms his thoughts as much as it makes the constant, low-key humming of the soul bond more bearable, more like a melody in his head than a message from Tony.

When Sam calls, Steve tells him everything is fine.

The news tells him that, in an apparently bold move, Tony made Pepper Potts the new CEO of Stark Industries. In the picture they show, Tony is smiling, surrounded by his friends. Right at the border of the picture stands Thor, back in the action.  

By the seventh day, Steve knows what he will do. It does not matter so much whether it is wrong or right, but the waiting is making him crazy. If nobody is willing to give him an answer, he has to find his own.

He opens their group chat, then thinks better of involving the team in DC at this point. This is already a mess. It will be better to contact them when he has a plan of action.

Avengers assemble, he writes.

Then, he waits.

One by one, they all come. Steve does not greet them but sits in the safety of the office and watches the camera.

Bruce is first, which does not surprise Steve at all. After a quick glance into the kitchen where he puts the kettle on the stove, he disappears into his lab. They do not have any cameras in there, but Steve does not want to see what happens there anyway. He is afraid that Bruce is slowly packing up his things.

Clint and Natasha come in next, walking shoulder to shoulder as if they expect someone to attack them in their own home. In stark contrast to that, Clint is whistling and carrying a stack of pizza boxes.

Last is Bucky. Steve tells himself it does not mean anything, that Bucky just was the farthest away from the base. He is not losing his best friend on top of everything else.

They are all here. That is what matters. He repeats that like a mantra in his head.

When Steve comes into the kitchen, they are all seated around the table already. He pretends not to notice that Bucky and Natasha sit as far away from each other as possible, while Clint and Bruce studiously avoid looking at each other. How far they have fallen. If Steve were not so tired, he would cry at the sight.

They all look exhausted, although they carry themselves differently with that. Natasha is slouching elegantly, and if Steve did not know her, he would have missed that she is ready to jump up at a moment’s notice, either to fight or flee. Bruce is wearing a shirt that is too big for him and appears to try to take up as little space as possible as if he could just fold in on himself and disappear. Bucky has not shaved in a few days and his hair is unkempt, pulled up in a messy bun. Clint is bright-eyed and skittery, itching for something to happen.

All of this spells disaster.

Steve takes his time filling a mug of tea for himself and raises the pot to ask whether anyone else needs more too. Bruce refuses with a smile, the rest just waits for him to speak. No one told him this would be so awkward.

This kitchen has never been so silent. It was always filled with banter or good-natured fights about food or missions. Living here has felt more like a college dorm than a vigilante base. At least until everybody stopped talking to each other.

With measured steps, Steve walks to his chair and looks at all of them for a long moment before he sits down. His bones are brimming with the kind of restlessness that makes it hard to not jump into action immediately. He has thought long about this, though. For a whole week, he had barely anything else to do. It is time.

“A lot of things have gone wrong lately,” Steve says, settling back while he meets all of his friends’ eyes. They are listening, even while appearing not very receptive.

“No shit,” Clint mutters with a snort that is filled with derision more than amusement. He does not aim it at anyone in particular at least.

Steve is going to lose them before he has even said his piece. Clint has a talent for riling people up and making every situation unsolvable. Although that might be unfair. None of them has particularly stellar people skills. Not even with each other, as evidenced by the past weeks.

“I’d appreciate it if you didn’t start another fight, Clint,” Steve says sharply. It takes more effort than it should to stay calm. He has not made his decision easy, so he wants to get this over with.

Clint’s lazy grin softens a bit. “Aye, Captain.” He mock-salutes, not quite done stirring up trouble yet. “Please depart your wisdom on us about what is going to happen next.”

Steve wonders where the Clint from last week has gone. The one without the cruel edge to his tone and the unwillingness to play by the rules even for once. It might have been scary to hear him talk about leaving, but this Clint here is already two steps out of the door.

He is not asking a lot of them, just that they behave like adults and think about the future. If change is inevitable, they need to sit down and do damage control. They owe each other that much.

“I have talked to most of you.” He looks at Bruce, Clint, and Bucky in turn, then settles on Natasha with a question in his eyes. “You have all basically said that you’d be in favour of dissolving the Avengers.”

Part of him expects at least Natasha to protest, to raise her eyebrow at him like she does when she thinks they are behaving particularly stupid. Instead, she inclines her head, not quite an agreement.

“That not what I said,” Clint pipes up again, although the curve of his mouth has gone flat as if he is only now realizing that this conversation is serious.

“I’m paraphrasing,” Steve counters, then takes a deep breath. This is happening. “The matter with Stane pushed us all into disarray. We fought with each other instead of standing strong. We opted to run when things got complicated.”

The words get stuck in Steve’s throat. He did not expect to have to hold a speech. He thought his team would fall together the way they always do when needed.

Instead, he is met with four waiting sets of eyes, watching him get worked up over something that might appear very clear to them already.

Steve runs a hand through his hair, just barely keeping his shoulders from slumping.

“Perhaps you are right,” he says, feeling the truth crawling out of him with painful slowness. “Perhaps we need a break from this to see what else is out there for us.”

Silence meets him, but it feels different than before, almost like the sullen bravery has been sucked out of the room now that he said what they are all thinking.

“What does that mean?” Bruce asks, gentle even while sounding strangely unaffected. It does nothing to keep the cold from spreading through Steve’s chest.

This is it. All the thinking he has done over the past week pales to the reality of sitting across from his friends and watching them slip away from him.

“It means I’m tired,” Steve admits, aware that is not what Bruce was asking. It is the truth, however. “Tired of things going wrong and of everybody being gone all the time. For the past week, I’ve been the only one staying here.”

He cannot tell them how that felt. How lonely it is to walk past empty rooms, to be met by silence everywhere. Steve has not been truly alone since before he met Bucky. All these long days and weeks he spent in his bed, too sick to go outside, found an end when they became friends.

With the Avengers, none of them was ever truly alone either. Especially in DC, they are too many people for that. But even here, someone was always making coffee or training in the gym. Clanking and muttering could always be heard from Bruce’s lab. Someone was always available to talk.

The loss of that hurts more than the idea of stopping to fight the good fight. Steve might have dedicated his life to helping others, but it is slowly eating him up that he cannot even save his team, much less himself.

“I didn’t think we needed to tell you where we are at any given time,” Bucky says, ripping Steve out of his musings.

The breath Steve has just slowly regained gets knocked out of him again. He expected that protest from Clint. That it comes from Bucky just hurts.

“You don’t.” Steve almost adds an apology but stops himself. He is not here to blame his friends for what is happening, so he will not apologise for them taking it that way. They have done nothing else but heaping blame on each other in the past weeks. “But there’s not much sense in being a team when we can’t stand being in the same room together, right?”

Bucky flinches and even Clint drops his eyes. Steve cannot feel any satisfaction at that. This is his team. In a way, it is his fault that they are falling apart. He was too focused on his own problems to properly listen to theirs. Perhaps they all felt they had nowhere to turn to.

“We just need some time,” Bucky argues with just a hint of irritation in his tone. His eyes are narrowed, looking darker thanks to the badges beneath them.

Nobody else nods or shows any sign of agreement.

Steve holds up his hands, gesturing at them to stay calm. “I’m not claiming anything else.” He takes a deep breath, wondering how to tell them the result of his week of thinking, how to convince them that he is not abandoning them after he complained that they were all doing the same to him. Closing his eyes briefly, Steve blurts. “I’m going back to college.”

Where the silence was sullen before, it is not shocked, full of disbelief. Either at the sudden change of topic or the miserable conviction in Steve’s tone.

Steve has to drag up his eyes from his hands to gauge his friends’ reactions. The mild approval on Bruce’s face, underlined by a small smile, is no surprise. He has always pushed them to further their knowledge. Natasha and Clint share a look Steve cannot decipher but then they nod at him. Worst is the wide-eyed stare from Bucky, not quite betrayed but utterly caught off-guard.

“You what?” Bucky demands like he cannot believe that Steve would not be right here, waiting for him until he is ready to come back.

For decades, it has always been the two of them, but this only encourages Steve to go through with his plan, no matter what. He does not regret organizing his life around Bucky’s needs, but they do need to venture out alone every once in a while. This is their chance to build something separate from all the grief they have been through.

“College,” Steve repeats firmly, squaring his jaw in case anybody wants to question him. “I will get my art degree.” Somewhat softer, he adds, “We’ve got enough money to help all of us to go in a new direction. That doesn’t mean we won’t try to help anymore. But maybe it’s time to be more than just Avengers.”

That just hurts to say. It has never been just. They threw all their talents together to do something good. And they did. For years. All roads end at some point. If he has learned nothing else during this mess, it is that there are always new roads to walk too.

“Stark made you an offer,” Natasha speaks up. It is impossible to interpret her tone. She does not look disapproving but meets his eyes straight on. If anything, it is like she expected this to happen.

“We talked,” Steve admits stiffly. “But he is no more responsible for this than any of you. Any of us.” The last thing he needs is for them to put the blame on someone outside of their group, especially Tony. They have done that once already.

Natasha shakes her head slightly. “I wasn’t accusing you of anything.” She sounds like she means it, too.

Surprise has Steve forgetting to appear collected. He feels his mouth go slack as he stares at her. “You don’t?”

It is one thing to accept them going separate ways for now, but Steve thinks that, had any of them talked to an outsider before clearing things with them, he would not take it so calmly.

“You’re right,” says, seemingly impassionate, and shrugs. “We’re done.”

Finally, some restlessness spreads through the room. Bucky has taken to glaring at Natasha, while Clint is shifting in his seat as if he wants to add something but, for once in his life, is holding back. All the pretty words Steve has thought to say, and she outs it like that.

Done. Like there is no going back. Like this is it forever.

“And you’re not just saying that because you’re avoiding Bucky?” Bruce asks, putting his finger on a wound Steve has momentarily forgotten exists.

Natasha’s expression shifts into something very cold. Her lips are pressed into a thin line, and her eyes are hard, turned on Bruce without blinking. “You know perfectly well I can keep business and personal matters apart.”

As if he has waited for this cue, Bucky jerks forward, smashing his metal hand on the table. The impact has their mugs clanking and tea spilling out of Steve’s.

“Well, I can’t,” Bucky growls, brows drawn together. “We need to talk.”

Tension is hanging in the air, almost thick enough to cut. Steve expected them to fight but not about this. Not about whether or not they can still stand to be in the same room together. His grief is a visceral thing, pressing on his ribcage so that every breath is laboured.

Natasha opens her mouth and it is obvious from the way she holds her shoulders that she is going to refuse. Whatever might have been going on between them, whatever trust there ever was, she will reject it.

Next to her, Clint leans forward, puts a hand on her shoulder as if to hold her back, and says, “Yes you do.”

It will forever be fascinating how well these two work together. Clint, with the shortest fuse possible and no patience whatsoever to hide his feelings, and Natasha, who is always holding back, never showing all her cards.

Natasha turns to Clint, nothing gentle in her face. “Do you want to hold my hand while we do, too?”

Flashing a grin, Clint shakes his head, unconcerned with the threat of violence exuding from her. “Nope,” he says cheerfully. “I need both my hands to shoot a bow.”

They keep looking at each other for a moment longer, communicating something they do not want the others to be privy too. If Steve had not been watching them so closely, he would have missed the way Natasha’s posture softens just so.

“All right,” she then says, still like she is pressured into something she does not want to do but wants to get over with quickly if she cannot avoid it. “I prefer to do this without an audience. Come on, James.”

James. That is new, too. Steve wonders whether that is just another tool to distance herself from them. He does not have time to think about it, however, because Natasha pushes away from the table, in the process of getting up.

“Wait,” he calls, noting the urgency in his own tone. “This is it?”

All of them turn to look at him. Natasha and Bucky with blank stares, Clint and Bruce with varying degrees of pity.

“What else do you need?” Natasha asks, her brow arched.

Steve is sure she does not mean to sound cruel. She simply has a task before her that she does not want to avoid any longer. Still, the moment they get up from this table there is no going back.

“I thought –” Steve says and trails off. He called them here. He wanted a solution. Now that they agreed to what he said, can he really protest that?

“You wanted us to put up more of a fight so you could back out,” Bruce explains with utter calm, neither pity nor judgement in his tone. “But we agree. We need this, We’re not out of the world, but we’ve been taking care of other people’s problems for too long.”

Because dealing with their own is too hard. Because they have something wonderful if fragile here. For too long, Steve has identified himself as nothing more than an Avenger. These people are his family, but he has always thought of them as his teammates first.

“What are you going to do?” Steve asks, slowly because he is afraid his voice will break. His throat is clogged with emotions, burning all the way down to his core.

He watches as Clint and Natasha exchange another look without offering any information. They will stick together as they have done for years. Perhaps they even have something lined up already. People with their kinds of talents are always needed.

“I have a job offer at Stark Industries,” Bruce says. He sounds wary, probably worried about what Steve will say.

It is no mystery who made that offer. And, yes, it stings that his soulmate would ask Bruce to stay while making demands of Steve. He understands it, however. Bruce has been on Tony’s side for longer than any of them, helping him and respecting his wishes when Steve did everything but.

Steve nods at Bruce, trying a smile that probably comes out mangled, but Bruce answers in kind, accepting his gesture.

“Of course, you do,” Clint mutters, but he, too, does not sound mad, just teasing.

Slowly, the tension is dispersing, all because they decided to take a break from each other. Steve has to remind himself that they had a good run, that their friendship is not worth less just because they are experiencing some bumps.

“I might pick up ballet again,” Natasha offers suddenly. Even her expression has melted into something softer.

“We won’t go dark if you don’t either,” Clint says, hiding a serious promise underneath his smile.  

It looks like everybody is on a better path already. Swallowing around the lump in his throat, Steve says, “Never.” He means it with every fiber of his being.

“Great.” With that, Natasha does get to her feet and looks expectantly at Bucky. “If you would, James. I have an appointment later I cannot be late for.”

Bucky stands immediately, his expression still grim but Steve knows him well enough to see the hope fluttering over his face before he shuts it down. They walk out together, and Steve can just hope that Bucky did not say anything to his question of what he is going to do because the answer hinges on this conversation.

He knows he is not going to get on with his life if that means leaving Bucky behind. Not in the way he wants to, at least. They have been through too much together to now be impassionate about each other’s fate. He is going to wait and intercept Bucky when he is done talking to Natasha. They will figure something out then.

Silence hangs between them again. Steve waits for Clint and Bruce to make their excuses too and leave him here. Instead, they remain seated. Bruce is looking at his hands, while Clint is watching the door. At least until he turns towards Steve, his expression more vulnerable than Steve has seen in years.

“You did good, Steve,” Clint says in a measured tone, tasting each word. “All these years. With us. Couldn’t have asked for a better leader.”

He is being serious. That registers before the actual sentiment does. Here Steve is, sitting with Clint at one table, who is known for questioning every order and starting fights just for the fun of it. And he is telling Steve that he has performed well as the leader of this group they all seem entirely too happy to leave behind.

“Apparently not good enough,” Steve replies, failing to sound nonchalant. His jaw is clenched and it takes him several seconds to relax it.

Clint grins, immediately looking more like himself again. “Better stop while you’re ahead.” He cocks his head to the side. “But honestly, Steve. This isn’t your fault. We were all messed up before you got your hands on us. If anything, you made us better.”

But not good enough for them to want to stay together. Not good enough to trust each other with their problems. Not good enough to stick this out.

“He’s right,” Bruce chimes in before Steve can argue. He manages to sound earnest much better than Clint, if mostly because he is a bad liar. “We all grew a lot here. You made me believe that I can still be more than what Ross reduced me to.”

This feels too much like an ending. Steve knows it is one, of course, but not like this. They are all telling him goodbye. They might be saying we had a good time, but what he hears is we can’t get away from here fast enough.

Maybe he was a fool for expecting them to protest, to tell him that nothing would break them apart, especially nothing like this. Steve has sent out applications for college but he was fully prepared to withdraw them. He just needed them to want to stay. And they do not.

He is not sure what to do with that. What to do with himself.

Seeing them like this, barely talking, all caught up in their own problems, tells him they are right. This is not sustainable. But.

He will need to talk to Sam, explain to him how everything went wrong so quickly. Then he needs to find an apartment and somehow live the rest of his life. He is not sure whether he can stand this.

“Thank you,” he tells Bruce and Clint, briefly meeting their eyes. He wants to say more but worries to break down before them. “I need to talk to Bucky. I’ll wait for him in my room.”

He flees.

---

Half an hour later, someone knocks on Steve’s door. He hesitates to call out because he is afraid that it is not Bucky but someone else telling him that Bucky ran out on him. Considering their track record lately, it would not surprise him.

“Come in,” he calls nonetheless. What is one more bad thing heaped on the giant pile?

The door opens and it is Bucky coming in. Steve does not bother to hide his relief, especially when he notices that Bucky walks like a lot of weight has been lifted off his shoulders. He joins Steve where he is sitting on his bed and they shift to face each other like they have done a thousand times since they were children.

It is nice, this moment before they start talking, when they can still pretend that nothing has changed.

Steve remembers with a smile how they made plans before they joined the Army, before they grew up to be people they barely recognized.

“How did it go?” Steve asks, watching closely for any change in Bucky’s expression.

One corner of Bucky’s mouth just barely lifts as he stares at his hands. “We talked.”

His taciturnity is nothing new, so Steve waits. Pushing for more will only end with Bucky clamming up completely.

“Nat doesn’t believe we’re soulmates,” Bucky finally continues, still not looking up. He shrugs as if it does not matter.

Irritation sparks through Steve like a rush of sudden energy. Despite the bleakness of the past week, this rouses him from his exhaustion.

He cannot believe it. Natasha likes to pretend she is aloof and nothing can touch her. She cares, Steve knows that. She cares and she loves them. So how dare she reject Bucky, who has put his trust in her, who she has presumably opened up with.

“So what?” Steve snaps, forgetting all about allowing Bucky to take his time. “She’s just going to leave you? After all you’ve been through together? After all these years of friendship?” The frustration he kept bottled up for weeks is now bursting to the surface. “Let me talk to her. I know she doesn’t like letting anyone talk her into things but perhaps I can make her see reason.”

“Calm down, Stevie,” Bucky says. For some reason, he is smiling, looking amused at Steve’s indignation.

What really interrupts Steve’s ranting is the name. It has been ages since Bucky called him Stevie. That tender relic of their childhood. Warmth blossoms in Steve’s chest, followed by the shameful thought that, if Natasha does not want Bucky, chances are greater that he will come with Steve.

He shakes himself to get that thought out of his head. That is not what he wants. His happiness means nothing if it comes at the cost of Bucky’s.

“I want you to be happy,” Steve says, hoping he has never given Bucky a reason to doubt that.

Bucky bites his lip, and says, “I told her I’m not convinced we’re soulmates either. And that it doesn’t matter because I love her anyway.”

Several seconds pass in which Steve is trying to make sense of these words. Love, he thinks. How did that happen? He loves Bucky. He loves the entire team, and he guesses the same must be true for the rest of them too. Otherwise, they would have fallen apart much sooner.

Bucky telling Natasha that he loves her is a development he did not see coming. Yes, they were close. In some ways perhaps even closer than Bucky and Steve or Clint and Natasha. But both of them are so repressed when it comes to feelings that Steve expected anything but that to be the result of their conversation.

“Fate is bullshit for people like us,” Bucky continues when Steve simply keeps staring at him. “Perhaps we’re soulmates, perhaps we’re not. What does it matter? I trust her and I love her. We can make something good out of that.”

He sounds so convinced that Steve’s heart aches for him, wanting nothing more than for this to work out.  

“We?” Steve asks quietly, almost afraid of the answer. “She agreed?”

Bucky shrugs, but his expression tells quite clearly he never saw that happening either. “She apologised for running,” he says, almost chuckling with incredulity. “We’re both not good with feelings. But we’ve had each other’s backs before this and we’ll keep doing that now.”

So something good has come from this mess. Steve is not selfless enough to say that it was all worth it – him ruining things with his own soulmate, Tony almost losing his life, their team breaking up – if only Bucky will be allowed to keep this, but it is a close thing. This is what they have been searching for the entire time, after all, a life worth living.

He reaches out and clasps Bucky’s shoulder, relieved when Bucky does not pull away. This is real.

“What are you going to do?” Steve asks, both because he wants to know and because he wants to avoid questions about Tony.

“Natasha has been talking to that FBI agent Coulson,” Bucky says, not showing what he thinks of that. “Clint and she are going to meet with him next week. Perhaps work out a job.”

That is another surprising development. Steve has never gotten the chance to ask Natasha or Clint about how they know Coulson or why they had dealings with the FBI without ever telling them about it. He almost did not believe it when Tony told him, but since nobody came knocking on their door or kept asking uncomfortable questions about the arrow wounds Clint left behind, there had to be some truth to it.

Now it seems he knows what Clint and Natasha will be doing after this. Considering their sometimes unconventional methods to solve a job he is not sure how well they will do with getting back in government employ, but if Coulson has been following them, he knows what he is getting into.

“And you want that?” Steve asks, his worry spiking again. “To keep living this life?”

Bucky’s entire body moves as he shakes his head in a very empathetic no. “I’ll stay with her, but I’m done hunting people.”

Steve tries to take the relief in Bucky’s voice not personally. The Avengers were the best way for them at the time. Whatever else happens, he is not going to let anyone talk him out of believing that. But perhaps he has overdone it. Perhaps he has been dragging Bucky along for too long, never seeing his best friend suffer.

“I’m sorry,” Steve says, stretching out his hand as if to touch Bucky, but he is not sure whether that would be welcome.

“Sometimes you’re really stupid, Stevie,” Bucky says and catches his hand, squeezes it hard. “You probably saved me with this stunt. And it was good.”

Relief floods through Steve, easing the nausea nesting inside his stomach. Letting go is one thing but getting told that he was wrong to pursue this all this time would be quite another.

“While it lasted?” Steve asks nonetheless, not sure how to ask whether Bucky regrets this.

“Of course,” Bucky asks without hesitation but does not let go of Steve’s hand. “Nothing lasts forever. You of all people should know that.”

Steve does, but this is different. This is something he built to last. Something to carry them when they could not do so themselves.

“It’s hard to let go,” he admits, staring at where his hand is held by Bucky’s.

“Wouldn’t have been good if it was,” Bucky replies with a smile in his voice. And truly, when Steve looks up, Bucky’s lips are pulled up, making him look much younger than he did for the past weeks, not weighed down as heavily anymore.

“But we –” Steve begins, then tries again. “If you leave with Natasha.” He trails off, gives up. He cannot even get the words out to ask whether that means the end for the two of them too.

“I’m not leaving you,” Bucky says, still able to read Steve. “If Nat is going to work for the FBI, we’ll probably look for a flat here.”

There goes Steve’s slight hope to move back in with Bucky, to not strand utterly alone in this city – or wherever life brings him. “That serious already?” he asks, trying for a humorous tone despite knowing it will fail.

“No need to ease into it. We’ve basically been living together for years,” Bucky answers, slightly chiding. Then he leans forward, appearing more cheerful now that they have cleared this up. “What college do you want to go to?”

Considering that Steve had still thought he would not go at all because his team would hold him back, the question catches him off guard. Tony is in New York, and if Bucky and Natasha will be staying here too, the answer is obvious.

“Here, I hope,” he says, putting some effort into sounding like he knows what he is doing.

It does not fool Bucky, of course. He is kind enough not to mention it. Then, however, he asks the second worst thing. “He’ll give you a chance then?”

There is no use in pretending Steve does not know that he means Tony. Who else would Steve hope to keep in his life other than the people who just gathered in their kitchen and gave their goodbyes?

“Possibly,” Steve says and falls silent. There really is nothing else to add.

Tony asked him to choose and Steve has. More or less, at least. The Avengers are disbanding and Steve will stay. He just hopes that is enough.

“And that’s good enough for you?” Bucky asks but sounds as if he knows the answer. He looks sad, eyes dark with something unsaid.

That is enough to rouse Steve. “If you’re trying to talk me out of –”

Bucky pats his hand, effectively cutting him off. “On the contrary,” he says earnestly. “I believe this will be good for you. You always need to be in control. It’ll help to let go once in a while.”

Steve cannot remember the last time he was really in control. It was before they took the job to steal Tony’s USB drive. Perhaps even earlier than that, before they started chasing jobs, always needing to keep busy.

“Well, prepare to have me crashing on your couch if all of this goes wrong,” Steve tries to joke. He manages to smile but it feels too tight, too fake.

“I love you, Steve,” Bucky says and his smile is bright and honest, embracing Steve like home.

“Love you too, Buck,” Steve replies quietly, grateful. “Just tell me if you need me.”

Nodding, Bucky lets go of Steve’s hand. It does not feel like as much of a loss as it could. “Only if you do the same.”

Maybe not everything has changed. Maybe they are ready for a new chapter in their lives but that does not mean leaving everything of the old one behind.

“Stay here tonight?” Steve asks, almost managing to do so without fear of being rejected.

Without the slightest bit of hesitation, Bucky nods. “Take your blanket. My bed is bigger than yours.”

Yes, Steve thinks, maybe everything will be all right.  

[insidious-intent]

Brother Lover, Lover Brother

Instead of working on Wrong Trousers, here I am with the beginning of another long fic. This is the idea where instead of a clone, Michael instead has an identical twin. Shoutout to @larenoz for helping me with Michael’s twin’s name :)

The first phone call Alex made after receiving the job offer email was Jim Valenti. It’s been almost a decade since he officially became a Valenti, burying the Manes name, and legacy, and fear all with it. The day Jesse Manes was taken away from the house in handcuffs, Jim had promised Alex he would have a better life, and Alex has made damn sure of it. 

At age twelve Alex had promised himself he would have a better life, and sitting there in his first office, for his first real job a single week after graduation; Alex almost felt a sense of accomplishment. He was well on his way to achieving that goal of a better life. He turned around to look outside the window of his moderate sized office and let himself feel a moment of contentment. 

His phone rang where it was sat on his desk, and Alex glanced over to see Kyle’s drunk smile staring at him. Smiling, Alex picked up the phone. “Hey bro,” he greeted his adoptive brother.

“Bruh! You situated in your new digs? How does it feel to be working at Antar?” Kyle greeted him with his usual exuberance. 

“I’ve got a plushie chair and floor to ceiling windows. I think I finally made it,” Alex laughed his response. 

“So you’re like a big shot coder dude now?”

“Kyle, man, I explained this to you. I’m not a coder, I’m a Securities Design Engineer. Do I call you a kiddie doctor?” 

Kyle’s laugh filled him with joy, just like it always did. When he went from best friend to adopted brother, Alex wasn’t sure how Kyle would handle the change. The brief period when they were fourteen and Alex came out to his family were the toughest, and he was sure Kyle’s anger was going to turn into hate. But Jim and Michelle never let that happen, and by the time Alex left for MIT, he was happy to have his brother back. His real brother. 

Kyle was still talking on the other end. “Fine dude, but now that you’re back in Roswell, and have a cushy job, it’s time for us to get you a man! You’re too hot to be so tragically single, and I have a moral duty to find you the hottest guy now that we’re back home.” 

Alex sighed at Kyle’s enthusiasm. He had made the mistake of sharing his life plans with Kyle right before they went off to college, and Kyle has not forgotten how Alex planned to be in a steady relationship by the age of twenty-five. And now he was going to use all his brotherly knowledge to embarrass Alex. 

“Kyle seriously, I do not need your help with getting dates. Do not even think about it, I’m warning you.”

“I’m just being a good brother.”

“I won’t hesitate to get mom involved. You know how she feels about you not not dating,” Alex shot back. 

“Alex! I thought we talked about this!” Kyle’s shocked response was almost a squeal. 

Alex grinned and turned towards the door. And suddenly felt all the breath leaving his body in a whoosh. The most gorgeous man Alex had ever laid eyes on was standing at his office door, and Alex felt like he was dreaming. The man had the most gorgeous amber eyes, honey blond curls cropped short on the sides, long on top. A tempting curl hung over an eye. The man wore a well cut, well-fitted navy suit, and seeing him leaning there with a smirk on his face felt like the beginning of the best kind of dream. 

“Kyle, I’ll call you back,” Alex whispered and hung up before he could hear a response. 

“I didn’t mean to intrude,” the handsome stranger said, sauntering inside the office. 

“Oh no,” Alex stuttered, “my brother was just calling to check in.” 

“How very family oriented of you,” the man smirks. “I just wanted to come introduce myself to the newest addition to the Securities team. I’m Chris,” he said with an extended hand. 

If Alex was a little too enthusiastic handshake, no one had to know. He couldn’t help but notice how smooth Chris’ clearly manicured hand was, smooth and soft. 

“I would love to take you out,” Chris said, “to lunch of course.”

Alex couldn’t believe his luck. He had a degree, a great job, and now the man of his dreams just asked him out. Life was really good.

***

“Wow dude, if I’d known you were on such a lucky streak I’d have made you buy a lottery ticket,” Kyle yelled wrapping an arm around Alex’s shoulder as soon as they walked in through the doors of their favorite bar and restaurant, The Wild Pony. Hopefully Maria was there tonight to save Alex from the onslaught of brotherly love. 

Speaking of the woman. “Alex has always been the luckiest one,” came Maria’s voice from behind the bar. Alex gave her a grateful smile, knowing his friend wouldn’t let his brother get too overzealous. 

“Deluca, you don’t even know the half of it. This guy here starts at the biggest defense contract firm in New Mexico and already has a date with a hot guy!” Kyle announced with a flourish, taking a seat right next to Alex at the bar. 

“Ok it isn’t like I’m dating the guy,” Alex clarified. “Yet.”

Maria laughed. “Who is this man who stole your heart so quickly? Give us some details here, Alex.”

“Ok, so. His name is Chris, he works in my company, hot as hell, wears extremely well-tailored suits, and has curls that I want to push my fingers through all the time. So yeah basically the man of my dreams,” Alex said. 

“Chris? With curls? That seems very familiar,” Maria mused while pouring them a drink. 

Kyle looked at Maria, “you know this guy?” 

Maria pushed the drinks at them, “I think he might be this guy I’ve seen hanging out with the Evans twins.” 

“Isobel and Max? Damn, Alex I think you bagged a rich dude,” Kyle answered. 

Alex was curious now, “you know the Evans twins? Aren’t they like Roswell royalty?” 

Maria’s response was laughter. “Yes they are. Their parents started the company you’re working for now, and combined they have more degrees than half the town. Isobel’s boyfriend is the one who got Liz’s dad through the whole citizenship ordeal, and Liz and Max dated for a while.” 

Alex had so much hometown gossip to catch up on, and from all the nodding Kyle was doing, he knew all this before Alex did. But tonight was about celebrating life moving in the right direction for him, and Alex didn’t want his family and friends forgetting him for gossip. 

“You guys are here to celebrate with me, not update me on the lifestyles of the rich and the famous. Let’s get back to drinking,” he said, slapping his hands on the bar counter. 

“And what about your rich hottie?” Kyle jokingly asked. 

“That’s definitely the kindest way you’ve described me so far, Kyle,” came a new voice from behind Alex, and he whirled around to see Chris standing behind him. He looked just as delectable in dark skinny jeans and a plaid shirt under a leather jacket, as he did with a suit. 

“Guerin? You’re my brother’s object of desire?” Kyle asked, bewildered. He turned to look at Alex with a faint sense of hurt, as if Alex did something wrong here by finding an attractive man, attractive. 

Shit. So the handsome guy Alex was lusting after was none other than the son of Rath Guerin, one of the two founders of Antar Inc. the company he started working at. Today. The potential for disaster was high, but one look at Chris in those tight jeans made Alex forget all about the risks of wanting the son of the company’s president. 

“Hello to you too, Kyle. Maria, how are you?” Chris asked, throwing a smile at Maria that had her blushing in return. He sat on the other side of Alex with a brush of his fingers on Alex’s shoulder, and then it was Alex’s turn to blush. 

The rest of the evening passed in a pleasant hazy blur for Alex. Despite the less than stellar start, Kyle managed to warm up to Chris, who was all around charming and funny. And at the end of the night, he placed a hand low on Alex’s back to ask him if Alex could walk him back to his car. 

Standing in the parking lot’s semi-darkness, surrounded only by the dark landscape of the New Mexico desert and the loud noises of the Pony, Alex felt like he was walking on sunshine. Even though he hadn’t expected to run into Chris that night, he was glad at how well he fit with his friends, and now he hoped to end the night with a kiss. 

Chris played with his sleeves for a moment, before looking up and smiling at Alex. “I had a good time tonight. I think your brother finally likes me.” 

Alex laughed, “yeah he doesn’t always trust the guys I want to date.” 

“Oh? Are you saying you want to date me, Alex?” 

Alex stumbled, trying to recover quick. “Uh, I mean, I don’t have- we don’t need -”

Chris kept smiling as he got a hold of Alex’s jacket lapel and pulled him close. “I guess this counts as the first date then,” he said softly, his eyes moving down to Alex’s lips. 

Alex’s heart was thudding in his chest. He like he was on fire everywhere his body touched Chris’ body, and his eyes couldn’t move away from his lips. Alex wanted to kiss him so bad. 

“If this is a date,” Chris starts, “can it end with a kiss?” 

Instead of responding, Alex grabs his face and kisses him. The kiss was everything Alex wanted, and yes he may not have any idea what he was going to do the next day when reality dumped ice water on his head, but tonight, in the arms of the handsomest man he’d seen, Alex felt like all his dreams were coming true.

[mst3kproject]

511: Gunslinger

I’ve probably given the impression that I hate Westerns, which is not quite true – I’m mostly just bored with the entire concept after having been force-fed it since childhood.  If a Western wants me, it’s gonna have to give me aliens or dinosaurs or vampires or something as a ‘hook’.  Gunslinger is just a straight-up tale of law and order in the old west, and as such it doesn’t interest me much at all.  Yet when I watch it, I have to give it a surprising number of props, especially for being something that wound up on the Satellite of Love.

Gunslinger does not waste time.  In the opening scene we see the Marshall of Oracle, Texas, gunned down in his own office, and his wife Rose vow to take her revenge on the killers. Until the new guy can arrive from San Antonio, Rose decides she’s going to do the Marshalling herself!  She starts small, trying to make the local Red Dog Saloon comply with the laws about not being open late.  This brings her into conflict with the Saloon’s owner Erica, who decides that Rose has to go.  While Rose makes freely with the police brutality, Erica hires her outlaw ex-boyfriend Caine as an assassin.  This being a movie, Caine and Rose immediately fall in love instead. Her husband’s been dead about a week at this point.

The biggest strength of the movie is that the writing and acting, while not stellar, are certainly good enough.  We know who all these people are, we can tell them apart, and we know what they want and why they’re in conflict with each other. Rose and Erica have never liked one another, and now their jobs have put them in a position to do something about it. Erica uses people’s image of her as a floozy to bilk them out of money.  Jake is in love with Erica and tired of being spurned.  Mayor Polk dwells on his war stories because they’re more exciting than his lackluster present life.  Caine is still shaken by PTSD and doesn’t understand that killing Polk won’t make it better.  The funeral scene introduces us to most of these characters, and their relationships are sketched out in ways that aren’t boring and don’t interfere with the flow of the story.

Gunslinger’s ‘gimmick’ is that it takes a pretty standard Western plot – local Sheriff versus land-grabbing tycoon – and places women in the main roles.  This could have been an absolute disaster depending on what the writers thought of women, but Charles B. Griffith and Mark Hanna handled it very well.  It never treats either Rose or Erica as a joke, or thinks they’re ‘cute’ for being a law enforcer or a businesswoman.  Both of them are portrayed as people, slightly larger-than-life in the way genre characters always are, but written and played with complete sincerity.  The fact that they’re women allows the introduction of the love triangle with Caine, but the only person who lets that get in the way of what anybody’s trying to accomplish is Caine himself!  Even the very minor character of Mayor Polk’s wife Felicity is an active rather than reactive character, who actually protects her husband when she thinks he’s in danger rather than just standing around fretting.  Likewise with the can-can dancers, who take action to try to avoid losing their livelihoods.

Rose in particular could have driven the whole thing into the ground if her heart had overcome her head, but while she does have a weakness for Caine she knows it’s a weakness, and uses it to her advantage when she can. She meets him knowing he plans to try to seduce her, but keeps her head and questions him.  She firmly tells him that she can’t let emotion interfere with the unpleasant job that needs doing, and at the end, even though it visibly upsets her, she does her duty and kills him.  Even the fact that he just shot Erica to protect her doesn’t sway her decision!  The way Erica and Rose keep their heads while Caine loses his heart suggests to me that this inversion of the male and female roles is entirely intentional.  Gunslinger is predicated on the idea that men and women are equally capable of being rational and emotional, giving and greedy, and generally human, and on that basis it seems to be an earnest attempt at a feminist movie.

So as far as that goes, Gunslinger works all right.  The plot is, as Kevin noted in The Amazing Colossal Episode Guide, a series of wild west clichés, with only the gender swap to really give them any flavour.  Details of Erica’s land scheme are pretty muddy and the movie studiously avoids any actual action or suspense, but we’re interested enough to see it through to the end. It’s not really that bad. Unfortunately, it’s not that good, either.

The primary reason why is because the movie is desperately cheap.  The streets of Oracle often look all but abandoned, as they couldn’t afford extras and therefore saved them for the most important scenes.  The buildings appear to be made out of cardboard and the jail cells in the Marshall’s office look like they would have trouble holding a large dog, never mind an armed human being.  Characters ride horses along dirt roads with visible tyre tracks.  Most of the film takes place at night, but you can’t tell because they shot it in the daytime and didn’t even use a very dark filter – witness the hilarious bit where Caine points out the constellation Ursa Major while there is blue sky visible behind him.

Another reason is the direction, which is at best boring.  Far too many wide shots call attention to the empty streets, while all the gunplay takes place at very close quarters to disguise the fact that none of the actors can even pretend to aim.  The fight scene between Caine and the Deputy is downright tragic, with punches that obviously miss by several inches.  The worst moment of this is Caine’s story about why he hates Polk.  I understand and respect that they couldn’t afford an actual flashback, but all we see for this entire narrative is Caine’s talking head in a single, static shot. Surely there was something more interesting they could have done here.  I should not watch this and find myself thinking about how ugly that wallpaper is.

The thing I spent most of Gunslinger thinking about, though, is Rose’s approach to law enforcement, which is inconsistent to say the least.  We have a few quick scenes in which she upholds the law in Oracle by shooting people – what these men did we’re never told.  Later she shoots at Caine, having mistaken him for somebody else. What if she’d hit and killed him? Yet only minutes later, she’s telling Caine she wants this man alive and tells him off for shooting the guy before he could be questioned.  So how exactly was Rose planning on questioning a dead man?  Later, when Erica’s little toady Jake tells Rose that Caine is planning to kill her and Mayor Polk, she says she cannot arrest him for something they have no evidence of.  Really?  She seemed perfectly happy to shoot a guy whose face she couldn’t see earlier in the film.

Maybe this is supposed to be Rose’s character arc.  She goes from cold-bloodedly shooting one of her husband’s assassins at the funeral to realizing that the law is more complex and due process is necessary.  Maybe realizing she’d almost killed the wrong man was her turning point.  The script actually does kind of hint at this.  At the end Rose leaves Oracle and all its bad memories behind when her official replacement arrives, wanting nothing more to do with this town or with law enforcement, and she and Caine do discuss the violence associated with the job.  Men who are outlaws in one state become lawmen in another, and then go back to a life of crime – either way you get the rush of killing (and a lawman can do so legally!), but crime pays better.  Caine thinks of himself as better than other professional murderers, because he’s in it for the money rather than the blood.

That’s not how the movie uses these moments, though.  Rose’s killing spree is apparently supposed to convince us she’s the most effective law enforcement this town has had in a long time, and her almost shooting Caine merely provides a ‘meet cute’ scene of sorts.  Their conversation about killing and police work just gives them something in common to bond over, and her leaving at the end has to do with being forced to kill the man she’s fallen in love with (just days after her husband died!  Couldn’t they have made her the first Marshall’s sister or something?).

Gunslinger is one of those movies where just a little extra effort would have made the whole thing a lot better.  A few more extras would have made all the difference to a lot of shots.  Better lighting would have improved the night scenes immeasurably.  Anything would have been better than a talking head and bad wallpaper for Caine’s war story.  These are such tiny details, and yet just a little more money in the right places could have done so much to help the audience focus on what’s there instead of what’s missing.

Sadly, this is a Roger Corman production, so making a good movie was never really the goal.  Rather, the union rules were about to change so that actors could only work five days a week, so Corman shit out Gunslinger as fast as he could to get it done before he would have to let anyone have a weekend.  Explains a lot, doesn’t it?

[itsgonnabe-brian-may]

mirror, mirror p1/?

Word Count: 1687

Eventual Brian May x reader but slow burn because I'm mean

✦✧✦✧

The pubs and clubs downtown London were notorious for nasty dressing rooms & rehearsal rooms. This pub wasn't any different. The dressing room contained one rectangular mirror with a light missing the lampshade sitting beside it. A few beat up dark wood stained chairs that were at interesting heights.

Any band that was popular suffered enough until they were good enough to start demanding better gigs at bigger and nicer pubs. Eventually, they had a whole team to make them look like effortless rock stars and had a tour bus instead. Smile wasn't exactly there quite yet. Roger's attitude was though.

"You'd think they'd make this hell hole a little nicer if they want bands to actually play here" He spat annoyed as the 3 boys made their way into the room they haphazardly put a dressing room sign on.

"Well, at least they have a mirror so you can fix the disaster you call hair" Tim snapped back, just as annoyed.

Each of them carried on with their pre-performance rituals which were not limited to vigorous hair brushing, chugging a beer, maybe a throwing back a tequila shot if nerves were an issue, weird vocal exercises, hand stretches and cracking knuckles.  

Y/N knocked on the door with a tightlipped smile to tell the boys it was show time. She had been working for a few months now, slowly gaining more responsibilities with the backstage part of the gigs. Originally bartending and mixing perfect martini's. Standing in heels wearing a white button up and a bow tie wasn't the look she wanted to sport on a Friday night. So when the opportunity to wear a pair of worn out jeans and sneakers presented itself, she took it.  Even if it meant missing the opening songs, well... not if Smile was on, they always played loud enough to hear from the back.

As the music filled the air the atmosphere shifted. Dancing to the guitar solo you pulled out a gold tube of lipstick to re-apply the peachy pink shade. Just as you went to press the point to your lips a loud crash of drums startled you causing a streak of lipstick to end up on the mirror. It was a crisp line that looked something like a Myers Briggs test. The random mark sparked an idea, so instead of cleaning the mirror, you added more marks to form "Stellar Job Boys" in messy but somehow elegant penmanship. Laughing at the absurdity of what you just did, you finished re-applying and left to enjoy the band. Little did you know it would become a habit, but only for one certain group of boys.

Quite a bit after they had finished Roger went to the bar and god only knows where Tim went. So, only Brian had returned to the tiny dressing room. He was tired and upset but mostly overwhelmed. Tim had just left the band and been replaced in the matter of an hour. Letting out a sigh and sinking into the only chair left in the dim room, which happened to be placed in front of the mirror, that now contained a smear of lipstick. Looking up at himself he noticed the curly writing in peach. Letting out a laugh he looked around at the people tearing down the set for anyone sporting a peach-toned lip. His eyes fell upon you for a brief moment as you walked away, his eyes stayed on your back as you left but he had no idea that the handwriting had belonged to you.

✦✧✦✧

The next night had been almost the same, except Brian was constantly scanning for the peach lip. He had also be-lined for the mirror as soon as the band had stepped into the pub. Nothing. Letting out a shaky sigh he pushed his hair out of his face. He was nervous. For obvious reasons, but the missing message didn't seem to help. Roger soon kicked him out of the mirror to fix his own hair. The night went on to be a success, even if the beginning of the night had been rocky and met with backlash. Y/N had gone to clean up the dressing room once again as Smile took the stage. You began humming their first song before they started playing, so when they actually started playing you were bewildered and froze in your tracks. Quickly running to the stage curtains you watched as Freddie struggled with the mic and how Brian and Roger shared glances. Your heart went out for the boys since clearly, they weren't planning on replacing Tim with a man who has never been on stage before. However, as the night went on you were presently surprised at how good they were, dare you say better than before. Your mind drifted to the night before and the message you left, wondering if they saw it.

'It wouldn't hurt to say well done, would it? ' you whispered under your breath before turning to run to the dressing room once you heard the trio reach the last song.

Unfortunately, you didn't have the same lipstick as you had the night before so you dug out a cherry red lip from your purse. Pausing briefly before you wrote the message on the top corner, this time signing off with a heart.

Brian was the first in the dressing room, this time he wasn't alone and had a smile on his face. The night had gone particularly well and he had fun, for the first time in a while. Even Roger willingly returned to the dressing room. A hint of red on the mirror was the cause for the guitarists widening smile. In the same lettering as the night before "Surprising, but fantastic, keep the newbie" was written.

"Looks like we've got a fan," Brian said nodding towards the mirror.

"How are you sure that's meant for us?" Fred asked walking over to read it.

"Well, not many newbies in the band make us, 'surprising, but fantastic'" Rog laughed. "Do you have any guess on who she is?" He asked as a follow-up.

"What makes you think its a girl?" Freddie asked leaning closer to the mirror so the words looked as if they were on his forehead. "A man could also have written on the mirror"

"Nah, man. It's the same handwriting as the note last night, just a different color" Brian remarked.

The other two boys just looked at him.

"What?"

"What do you mean what? What message? And what did it say?" Roger quipped.

"Oh right, it said "Stellar Job Boys"  in a peach shade" Brian answered sheepishly.

Soon after all 3 boys would keep an eye out for the shade of red or peach that found it's way on the mirror after gigs. Even the new bassist, John, joined in the search. Especially after you had commented on how with the newbie they were gonna make it big. Nothing promising but they narrowed it down to one of the employees. However, their time to search for you was getting slimmer and slimmer. You had been right, with the addition of John, and the change to Queen, they were making it big. It had been a while since the 4 boys had been in the shabby dressing room. Nothing had been upgraded or changed but they could not wait to sit in that room. So, once they heard they had booked a gig there when they got back from tour, they were ecstatic. Setting up quickly due to excitement had caused Brian to leave behind the sixpence coin he used as a pick behind. It was sitting lonesome on the counter near the famed mirror.

You weren't working that night but you were there nevertheless. You weren't gonna lie, it was because you wanted to see Queen and leave another message. Normally you would be able to leave a message just before they ended, but you wanted to watch the whole set from the audience so going just before they started would have to work. Making your way through the crowd you found your way to the dressing room. Walking in you scanned the room quickly to make sure the boys had gone. Writing your message on the mirror and signing with a heart, as usual, you looked down. Your eyes widened as the glint of the sixpence caught your eye.

Meanwhile, Brian's eyes widened as well. He had forgotten his coin.

Fred had just walked on stage and the crowd went wild.

"I'll be right back" Brian whispered quickly in Roger's ear just before sprinting off to find his coin.

Roger was a bit confused but couldn't think about it much as Freddie introduced his name.

✦✧✦✧

You had just picked up the coin carefully as Brian skidded past the room and abruptly stopped and ran into the room. Freezing once he saw you.

"Oh, uh, looking for this?" You asked reaching out with the coin. He blankly stared at your lips noticing that it was the same shade as the message left that first night.

"Uh...um, yeah... thanks" He stuttered out, not believing that he had finally figured out who was behind the sweet words of encouragement and messy penmanship on the mirror.

You let out a gentle laugh and handed over the coin.

"Oh, right, Sorry, I'm Brian.." He said shyly after taking the coin.

"Y/N" You replied with a smile that lit up the entire room, distracting him from the task at hand.

✦✧✦✧

"And our guitarist, Brian May" Freddie had called out for the third time looking at the curtains where Brian was supposed to come through.

"Shit, I have to go, nice to finally meet you Y/N" Brian called running from the dressing room to the stage with a happy grin. He had made it just before Freddie announced his name for the 4th time. Once on stage waved while walking over Freddie and the other boys.

"I met her," Brian said smugly and turned to the audience looking for you, he began plucking the first chords as your eyes locked across the room.  

[concerthopperblog]

The Best of AmericanaFest 2021!

Americanafest 2021 looked a bit different than in previous years. The days, and lineup, were reduced. The crowd capacity was capped. A few long-time venues (Station Inn) dropped while others were added (6th and Peabody). But the biggest change were the blue “Health Check” wristbands seen throughout the festival to signify the wearer had shown their vaccination card or recent negative COVID-19 test. While the requirement was too far for some, it made others (aka me) feel more comfortable getting back into a full concert environment. But what didn't change about Americanafest 2021 was the pure focus on music. Where some festivals spend time ensuring a perfect environment for that perfect selfie, Americanafest is all about the tunes. Here are some of the best things we saw at Americanafest 2021.

Best In Show- Christone “Kingfish” Ingram If your idea of “the blues” is a gnarled old black man in a rocking chair, Christone “Kingfish” Ingram is here to rocket you to the future. The 22 year old guitar wiz played before the most packed set I encountered all weekend, and much younger than is typical for Americanafest. The crowd was warranted. Kingfish and his stellar band put on an electric blues clinic. The guitar solos soared. The songs of bad lovers, bad loving, hard living, and bad luck that typify the blues were present, but invigorated by Kingfish's pure, unashamed joy at taking this old musical form into the next generation.

Best Replacement for the UN- Abigail Washburn and Wu Fei This is essentially “Best in Show” 1A, but it belongs more fully here. Let's face it. The United Nations is just a bunch of politicians bickering over whatever politicians have to bicker over this week. But Abigail Washburn and Wu Fei have found the true secret to international harmony; music. The genius of Washburn, arguably the best clawhammer banjo player in the world right now, and Fei, a master of the guzheng (which looks kind of like a harp, banjo, and hammered dulcimer had a baby), is that they found commonality in the folk songs of Appalachia and China. People love, and lose love. People feel joy at new life, and grief at its loss. Laborers toil, and the toil is hard. By mashing up these themes, trading back and forth between them like a ping pong match, they show that we aren't a race, an ethnicity, a culture, a religion. And, despite what some politicians would like to tell you, there is no “other.”

Rookie of the Year- Yasmin Williams It is, as far as I know, guitarist Yasmin Williams' first time to play Americanafest. Hopefully it isn't her last. Joining Kingfish as a “next generation talent” (if you want to feel really old, she decided to play guitar because she beat Rock Band on expert...), Williams is more jazzy than your typical Americanafest artist (if that exists). Her tapping and percussive techniques owe much less to Hank Williams than to jazz guitar god Tuck Andress. If one woman with one guitar and no vocals for an hour sounds dull, let me fix that notion for you. Even if you're not an instrumental nerd, it's impossible not to be mesmerized by how much sound one person and one instrument can make.

Best Low Key Supergroup- Colin Linden Just an hour after Kingfish packed The Cannery, a smaller crowd (Linden joked that the only people present were friends of his) got to see a secret supergroup perform an hour of electric blues. Linden is an instrumentalist, songwriter, and producer who can be heard on hundreds of albums. Joining him for this show were long-time John Prine bassist Dave Jacques and veteran blues producer (including of the aforementioned Kingfish) Tom Hambridge. Together they put on a flawless show mostly pulled from Colin Linden's new album. But then it doesn't hurt when you end with a song you wrote that was recorded by your “favorite band”, or in this case Band (as in The), “Remedy.”

Best Use of Found Objects- Jack Broadbent Brit bluesman Jack Broadbent is the second lap picker I saw Americanafest weekend, but his style couldn't be more different than Yasmin Williams. Broadbent is a straight up wailing slide blues guitarist. Over the years, the slide has been made out of everything from glass to metal. I've seen beer bottles used as a gimmick. But Broadbent's use of a hip flask as a slide is genius. It fits perfectly into your hand. It's got a good grip. And it has the right surface area. It only looks funny for a moment, until Broadbent unleashes some serious in your face electric blues.

Best “So Nice I Tried It Twice” Moment- Early James I did not go into Americanafest planning to see Early James twice. I went into Americanafest having no idea who Early James was. My schedule just happened to line up for him to be at a daytime set with someone I wanted to see (Sierra Ferrell) and a nighttime set with someone I wanted to see (Kingfish). Lucky me. The latest find by The Black Keys' Dan Auerbach signed to his Easy Eye Sound label, Early James combines the folksy wit of Lonesome Roads with the fashion sense of Al Yankovic. Disarmingly funny (and a James Gunn level fashion disaster in orange overalls and a straw hat with a pig bandana on it), James combines Southern gothic folk, blues rock, and old time elements, all familiar to any Americanafest regular, into something completely unique. Auerbach has shown a talent for finding artists who turn throwback elements on their (pig bandana-covered) ears, and James is up to the task.

Best “Making It Up As We Go Along” Artist- Tim Easton Poor Tim Easton. If it could go wrong during his 45 minute set on night 1 of Americanafest, it did. A series of technical glitches and outright failures had house techs scrambling and Easton without an instrument. It could have been a disaster. It ended up being one of the most fun sets of the weekend. Easton told jokes. He mused on the advantages of acoustic instruments as techs attempted to perform CPR on a dead amp. He threw to his excellent band for some Phish-style jam extensions while he helped sort cables. At one point he ran into the dressing room and borrowed the guitar of the artist playing after him (a gracious David Newbould). Nashville residents have long known that Tim Easton was an entertainer. But anyone can write up a set of audience patter. It's in those “holy shit, what do I do now?” moments that the true entertainers rise. Tim Easton rose (and finally got to finish his set, using a borrowed guitar to sing an ode to John Prine, who was likely laughing into his Heavenly vodka and ginger ale at the spectacle.

Best Alternative to the International Showcases- Andy's Americana Mitzvah There were many ways Americanafest looked different in this very different kind of year, but the most depressing was the lack of Saturday international showcases that have been a highlight of many an Americanafest. The Canadian showcases are always rock solid. The British delegation throws a cross-pond bash that includes both English and American artists (and gave a first showcase to a “nearly the last name on the bottom” Yola in 2016). And the folks from Sounds Australia confirm whatever stereotypes you may have about how hard the Aussies party. Trust me, they party harder than that. But not this year, another casualty of COVID travel restrictions. Fortunately there was Andy's Americana Mitzvah at the British Underground's usual home, The Groove Records. Veteran artists like Amy LaVere and Will Sexton joined youngsters like The Sweet Lillies for an afternoon showcase highlighted by the Americanafest appearance of Johnny Dowd.

Worst Americanafest Conflict- Thursday For the most part, my Americanafest fell pretty neatly into place, with the usual mild regrets... except for Thursday. I could have happily made a weekend out of just the acts playing Thursday. In addition to the show we saw, Abigail Washburn and Wu Fei, Allison Russell was playing across town in what is almost certain to be her final Americanafest showcase as she should be playing The Ryman by this time next year, and two of my longtime favorites Whitney Rose and Boo Ray were playing Musician's Corner. It broke my heart to miss any of them, but in the end rarity won the day and you just don't get to see Abby and Wu that often.

Check out this slideshow from Americanafest 2021 and go to our Facebook page for the full sets.

[iloveyoupittsburghpirates-blog]

You Are Back In It, Pittsburgh Pirates

My Dearest Pittsburgh Pirates, 

And the streak continues. I didn’t know if you would be able to keep the winning going against a Reds’ team that has played much better lately. I should’ve known better. You beat the crap out of them outscoring them 27-5 in a three-game series and you’ve increased your winning streak to nine games. Yes, you averaged nine runs per game in this series. You’ve climbed the ladder but you’re still a fairly insurmountable eight games back in the division. The interesting part is the Wildcard chase where you are only 4 ½ games back of the Brewers and the Phillies, the two Wildcard teams as of now. The Brewers got smoked again today so you are in it. There are still two teams between you and the final Wildcard spot, but you’re coming on strong just at the right time so that if you’re a seller at the trade deadline it will look terrible and if you don’t it will look stupid. This winning steak might be the most Pirates’ thing you have ever done. The offense has been absolutely electric albeit against some mediocre pitching. If you keep winning at this rate, is it possible you become buyers at the deadline? It’s not out of the question. I would have never imagined you would be in this position but I also never imagined you would win nine in a row. This next week will determine a lot. If somehow this winning continues and you’re within a couple games of a Wildcard spot, then maybe the thinking does need to change. I’m not there yet, but the tide is turning.

Marte and Polanco have remained on absolute fire after the All Star break. Both have raised their OPS’s to .827 and .829 respectively with 15 and 17 home runs now on the season. This offense centers around them. Marte is a known commodity already having a full season in which he had an OPS over .900. Polanco might finally be breaking out and I almost hesitate to say that. His last month he’s been one of the best hitters in baseball with an OPS over 1.000 during that stretch. Anyone arguing we should trade them while their value is high is crazy. Polanco is only making 3.5 million this year. You have him under contract through 2023 and the last two years of the contract are option years where the most he will make is 13.5 million. Marte is making 7.5 million this year and he’s technically under contract until 2021 and he’ll make 12.5 million in that final year. Because of those team friendly contracts, their value is very high and you could get high-end prospects in return for them. The problem is that even if you got a few of the better prospects in baseball, you still don’t know how they will turn out. Even with Polanco’s inconsistencies, both him and Marte are proven commodities. When the Padres traded their closer, Brad Hand, and reliever Adam Cimber, who is having an awesome season, earlier this week and got one of the top prospects in baseball in return, people discussed trading Felipe Vasquez. First off, to get that kind of return, we would need to trade Vasquez and Crick. You only do that if you don’t think you can compete in the next couple years and given this run and how the NL really only seems to have two elite teams (Cubs and Dodgers especially after they traded for Manny Machado), it’s reasonable to believe you could compete sooner. You still might end up trading players who will be free agents this year or next year, but I don’t think doing a full rebuild is the right move because you don’t know what you will get in return and I honestly don’t trust this front office to make moves of that magnitude.

Who has the best OPS on your team right now? That would be Corey Dickerson after his 4 for 5 performance which included a double and two home runs, his 10th and 11th. He’s homered in four straight games. His OPS is up to .856 and he will be the biggest debate whether to trade him or not at the deadline. Obviously this nine-game winning streak throws a minor curveball into that thought process. He has another year of arbitration next year so he’s under your control for another season. He’s making 5.95 million this season so it’s fair to guess that he would make around 8 or 9 million next year. That’s still very reasonable for a guy with his current statistics. He’s been a streaky hitter throughout his career and his BABIP is .330 right now so he’s due for a regression. He is right around top five in the NL in batting average, which I know isn’t that important to most people, but it makes him fit very well at the top of the lineup. This week will probably determine if you are buyers or sellers but Dickerson could net you a very nice return. If you have a rough week and still don’t trade him, then that will tell me a lot about your opinion on Austin Meadows. I know Meadows started off strong but his last month before being demoted was well below average. The drop off from a .856 OPS to a .617 OPS (Meadows’ last month) is obviously drastic. I really like Dickerson as a ball player particularly his approach with two strikes on him. I don’t know why more players don’t choke up in that situation. He’s also cut down on his swing and misses on fastballs in the zone considerably after being the worst in baseball at that last year. That makes me think this could be sustainable.  By this time next week, Dickerson could be on another team. If he’s still here, that’s great. You could always trade him this offseason too. Or maybe you should extend him and trade Meadows. Again, it’s a proven commodity versus potential that might never come to fruition. Meadows has been very average at almost every level in the minors. One way or another, trading for Dickerson seemed like a no-brainer at the time and it has proved to be a brilliant move. Even if he ends up being traded, that mean you got a damn good prospect for him which is a win too.

I’ve been all about trading JHay and Mercer, bringing up Kevin Kramer and Kevin Newman, and starting them for the rest of the season. I’m starting to backtrack on that. Obviously things could change depending on what happens this week, but maybe you need to stay the course for now. I know JHay has had a terrible offensive season (.639 OPS) and Mercer is having a typical season which means his OPS is right around .700. Those aren’t two guys you want starting. I’m sticking with the theme of the week here which is you don’t know what prospects will actually do in the majors. People will say that there’s no way Kramer and Newman could be worse than those two but the reality is they could be. It’s very possible they could come up, bat under .200, and have an OPS of .500. That would be significantly worse. It’s also important to keep in mind that given their offensive numbers you are going to get next to nothing in return for Mercer or JHay. They both play stellar defense and are smart ball players, but that’s it. If this week ends up being a disaster and you fall well out of contention, I’d trade them in a second. I would just be sure that everyone is realistic on the lack of return you are sure to get and the possibility that what you are left with could even be worse than what you had. It’s a similar situation with Ivan Nova. I’m all for trading him too but, with the Kuhl injury, that means you are probably putting Glasnow or Holmes in the rotation and neither of those are a very desirable circumstances. My overall point is be careful what you wish for because things could always get worse.

I’m not overstating it when I say that this is the most important week of the season. For the millionth time, it will basically determine if you will be buyers or sellers at the deadline. The week starts with a tall task and finishes with a fairly easy one. Tomorrow you travel to Cleveland to take on the first place Indians and the pitching matchups don’t favor you at all. You start off by facing the defending Cy Young winner Corey Kluber and his 12-5 record with a 2.76 ERA. He will face basically your #5 starter Trevor Williams and his 4.36 ERA. That doesn’t bode well for you. Game 2 will see Joe Musgrove facing off against one of the top 100 prospects in baseball and the Indians #3 prospect, Shane Beiber. He’s 5-1 with a 3.53 ERA since being promoted after he threw a no-hitter in Triple-A. Game 3 will be your ace, Jameson Taillon, facing off against former top three pick Trevor Bauer and his 2.44 ERA. It’s the biggest series of the season and you are facing two Cy Young candidates and an elite prospect. After that, you go home to face the Mets and their lowly offense for a four-game series. You will have to go against Jacob DeGrom, but the other three games are very winnable. If this week goes well, you could be buyers at the deadline. If it goes south, you will be sellers. No pressure. It’s been a hell of a ride over this nine-game winning streak so thank you for that. Just keeping playing the way you have been and we will see what happens. Love you bunches!

                                                                                           Enjoying The Ride,

                                                                                                      Brad

P.S. stands for Pathetic Shit (pardon the language) and that’s in reference to the Brewers’ All Star reliever Josh Hader. During the All Star game, it was discovered that he had tweeted out some very racist and very homophobic things a few years ago when he was 17 years old. There is no excuse for that kind of behavior. He apologized for it and maybe he’s grown up a lot since then. We all did some stupid things when we were that age. I do think it’s a little ridiculous that his only punishment is sensitivity training rather than being suspended. A five-game suspension is still a fairly light punishment. Putting that aside, it was even more crazy when on his return to the mound at Miller Park that he was greeted with a standing ovation. I can understand forgiving the guy to a certain extent and maybe even not booing him (though I might have), but a standing ovation? Really? Poor form, Milwaukee…

[eggheadsguidetorunning]

Top Ten Films I saw in @)!&

10.) Last Jedi/It

                I enjoyed Last Jedi, I think half of you will agree with that statement and another half will not where as the rest will not have even read this. But I did enjoy Last Jedi the use of space battles were awesome, the fight seen with Luke amazing, Lelia surviving in space weird. And that is the kind of problem with this Star Wars movie there are many great scenes but then there is something just off, something that doesn’t work at all. In the end this has just enough great moments to keep me loving it and interested in the next Star Wars, which I was probably already invested in.

                Considering another movie It was a enjoyable movie. It, that being the pronoun not the title although I guess it could still be the title I mean it works both ways NO focus Matt, had some great moments of friendship and development of strikingly relatable characters. At the same time there were for almost every two great moments some moments that were simply off. Like really, why did you decide to give a chain and a wife beater to the abusive dad after he decides to chase his daughter I mean at this point we already no he is bad news and is that also supposed to show that anyone who wears a chain and wife beater is suspicious for being abusive? I mean it is really nitpicking but that one net pick left me confused, I don’t know why it just did, for the rest of the movie which is still enjoyable. And since that is more of a personal scene that isn't right for the rest how about that rock throwing scene wasn't that odd?

In the end both these movies present a similar problem they are both here for nostalgic appeal and while being good enjoyable movies are weighed down by the few poor decisions they make. And if you don’t like a tie the bad news is that Star Wars wins the war of nostalgia for me because I still have memorized the sequence for the battle of yavin IV.

 9.) Captain Underpants

This movie confused me when I first saw it but the good kind of confusion. I was in awe of the fact that this movie, of all the Hollywood movies that were adapted from comics or books, this one this one for some reason decided to follow its source material precisely. Even with what it added seemed like something that could easily be added to and make sense in the source material. Like I could totally see George and Harold doing a parody of Handles Messiah when they found out a villain had a funny name. But this still led me to a question why Captain Underpants? As much as I enjoyed this movie why did this get a proper adaptation? I thought maybe I was reaching when I watched a critic I like talking about this movie and halfway through he stopped talking about Captain Underpants and started talking about the cartoons he drew as a kid. I having no artistic talent and barely even being able to write well, you are probably already tired of all the gramma mistakes I have made through this piece you probably also hate my jokes, didn’t write or make any comics as a kid but I did read many of the comics my friends and siblings wrote. That is when I realized the movie perfectly shows that feeling and care of being young and doodling stories in your notes and I put it here for that, also it is funny movie.

8.) Wonder Woman

This movie is awesome even with the beard helmet I love its use of Christiania to help get across the story of Greek mythology to a wider audience. I love the characteristics of Wonder Woman doing everything to help and the badass fighting scenes I love that the people without super powers help and make a difference. I don’t know what else to say without out spoiling it if you haven’t seen it see it this is the movie that will hopefully lead to more blockbusters with female heroes. Jeeze, it’s almost like if you make the movie more about the hero instead of the gender of the hero then it becomes a better movie who would have thunk it. Talking to you 1990s.

7.) Murder on Orient Express

The thing is these are turning into reviews and the general thought for this top ten should be: DUDE!!! you need to see these movies! And should say only that letting you go in cold I bring that up because putting a mystery on your list is not a good thing because there isn’t much for me to talk about because I don’t want to spoil anything. That being said I can say the portrayal Hercule Pirot is amazing the character is interesting in a manner I haven’t seen in a while. No not Sherlock Holmes interesting his own kind of interesting, I really hope we see more of him in the future.

6.) Disaster Artist

You’re tearing me apart James Franco. I mean this movie is still great despite the character of the actor playing a person with questionable character. In fairness this is a movie that needs to be seen in honor of not the room or tommy but because of Greg Sestero. This guy puts up with so much shit and forgives so much he needs to be a role model. Man he is such a good person just for putting up with this, go see this movie.

5.) Coco

Coco is a story about family and the necessity of letting family be free of family. It is about tradition and about not letting traditions being tie one down and most importantly is about forgiveness. It is a complex use of more contradicting themes that I am not smart enough to notice, but it still feels lacking. I think what weights it down to only number five on this list is that it seems too Disney it seems like the villain is too evil the ending is too happy, even for Pixar which had a string of bitter sweet endings. Of course the sweet ending makes sense I guess since that same problem hit Zootopia last year. In the end many won't care about that as Coco is still a stellar movie and the way it uses Hispanic culture is mesmerizing. 

4.) The Shape of Water

This movie is great. Like it is great fun I can't think of a award chasing movie that is as much fun as this one is. Everything happens in this movie EVERYTHING. Here's a slight list of things that happen in this movie, still trying to keep spoilers to a minimum so bare with the brevity, this movie is a comedy, an intrigue plot movie, a romance, a realism movie, a fantasy, a freaking musical, and a scam artist movie Ocean Eleven style. When I think of this movie I can only think of how fun it is which is why I want this movie to be the movie that wins gold for sucking Hollywoods cock if anything has to win it. I know Post will win but I want this one to.

3.) Guardians of the Galaxy 2

Maybe this should be four but naaahh, with more time to develop and grow the characters we loved from the first Guardians Guardians 2 is able to push  and to develop these characters as well as develop  and add more characters too develop. Plus I’m a complete and total sucker for a movie that provides a awesome soundtrack and then uses that soundtrack. I love this space rock opera I want more.

2.) Detroit

Leaving fun town next stop depression valley. Honestly the only real reason Detroit isn’t number one is because I didn’t see it in theaters I saw it on dvd, speaking of it’s the only reason John Wick 2 isn’t on this list. But Detroit is a horror movie I want to watch again and again because this is the type of movie that keeps me up at night staring at the ceiling hating myself and the world around me. It makes me use my mind to try and justify a world were this could even happen. Secondly this movie forces me to think from a perspective that I literally can never understand and offers a true piece of understanding with it. This is a movie that I can say changed me, maybe only a little, maybe a lot but it did change me.

2b.) Logan

I know I’m cheating but a lot of good movies came out this year so I’m going to cheat just this year. Don’t get confused this is 2b and is under Detroit its more like 3a I guess but still I maybe shouldn’t have put Logan on here because I almost forgot about it. But almost forgetting about it has more to do with it coming out so early in the year. It would be wrong to leave out an adult a truly adult version of wolverine and in many extent the X-men as a whole. This movie is fantastic in everything it does and I want more way more movies in the future to follow its example. We can have more smart adult super hero movies.

1.)Baby Driver

Like I said earlier I’m a sucker for a good soundtrack paired with great action. I can’t remember the last time I saw a movie and left with an adrenaline rush. The idea of making a movie in which one can only hear what the main character hears is extraordinary and someone else must have thought of it and I got to see that whatever it is even if it is bad. This movie is hype this movie is exhilarating this movie is insane. Let me put it this way in the first 6 min if the movie decided to end after this I would have seen everything I needed to see and this movie kept going from there delivering more than that. Baby this is a SWEEET movie!

[fxrprxsperity]

Mike 1 and Voltron: War

This is an old in-depth I made as to why Voltron and Mike 1 won’t see eye-to-eye and as to why the riolu believes an allegiance would be a disaster waiting to happen. With the show’s end, I figure that I should revise bits of it to further emphasize some points. This also gets a bit meta, so bear with me.

SUPER LONG!!!

To describe both in a concise manner, Voltron is, essentially, an idealistic optimist group whilst Mike 1 himself is a pragmatic realist. Polar opposites in every sense, but it is most discernible in the aspect of war. Or rather their ideas on how to go about handling the war.

When I say ‘optimistic’ in reference to Voltron, I mean that they seem to believe every situation in war is the same; that the best solution to a problem is the one that has no lives being jeopardized and/or taken in the process. And from their standpoint, yes. That is something that can be attained rather easily because of their status as “controllers of the one thing that can bring the universe to peace”. Allura was hard-wired to the lions the second she was released from her stasis pod and had immediate access to everything she needed to find them, their new paladins and the castleship itself. In the span of a day, Voltron was in their hands. And when you have a 10,000-year-old superweapon on your side, it’s all too easy to make any situation one where none of the lives you seek to protect are taken.

However! Because Voltron is such a dead-ringer, the Paladins and Allura have never been put into a situation where they have to face the harsh reality of war itself. That you can’t save everyone. That, in some cases, you have to sacrifice the few to save the many. Allura and her paladins haven’t lived in the war long, not like Mike 1 has. War is a messy, underhanded, brutal thing; it doesn’t give you much choice but to focus on doing what you need to survive. Not on what’s ‘right’ or 'wrong’ in a moral sense. And especially so when it comes to politics of war. And that’s a big problem when you think about it, really. The entire series, they’ve had the equivalent to a silver spoon in their mouths and it’s kept them way more naive than the saviors of the universe should be.

An example of this naivety is that the team hasn’t spilled any blood in the entire series, though obviously, Shiro is not included here. Keith is an exception, but even that was only in the penultimate season of the series. Blowing up a galra cruiser and killing a galra soldier yourself are two very different experiences, after all. And it’s all too real of a possibility that they don’t really understand the severity of what they’re doing when they do blow up a cruiser. There has never been a single thought from the paladins about how many galra it takes to run an entire battle cruiser, let alone a fleet; not a single eye is batted at the millions of lives they’ve taken since gaining Voltron. But because they are so hung up on being the 'good guys’, the 'saviors of the universe’, if they do stop to think about what they’ve done, they rationalize or maybe even downplay the significance of the lives they took by telling themselves it was for the greater good of the universe.  Yet despite this fact, Allura and the rest of Voltron seem to believe that they have the moral ground in just about every situation. Once again, no doubt because they are the “good guys”; that they can cast dispersion or judgment onto other’s actions without a second thought.

Personally? It’s almost like a 'your shit stinks but mine doesn’t’ deal with the Paladins at times… But I digress.

Mike 1 is, essentially, their polar opposite in every conceivable way. Being the sole historian on everything that ever was of your people is a tough enough job as it is, but having had to scour the universe at the tender height of 2'4" alone for the Pokemon meant he had to do what he had to do. To ensure that the Pokemon species will flourish once more. It’s one of the main reasons he made the protocol in the first place; he can’t allow anything, least of all himself to jeopardize his mission. And the protocol doesn’t play games. If they have to kill an important diplomat to gain whoever’s favor they need at the time, no hesitation they will do it. If they have to sell out a rebel base to the Galra to ensure safe passage through a star system, it’s as good as done. They both know that with the entire universe at war, they have to take every possible advantage they can get and roll with it because they don’t have the luxury of a gigantic robot at their command to solve their problems for them. That advantage is like sand in an hourglass, it could trickle away just as fast and there’s nothing they can do about it once it’s gone. Mike 1 is a prime example of how the universe has had to survive under Zarkon’s rule without Voltron; doing whatever you can, when you can to keep you and your civilization alive for as long as you can. It’s a dog-eat-dog war and the riolu has had to live with it for thousands of years…

Voltron hasn’t; Allura slept peacefully tucked away while the universe went to hell in a handbasket, against her will, of course, but it’s small comfort to the people that have had to live enslaved under the Galra. And the paladins aren’t any better; they had the gracious pleasure of their planet going undetected for the entirety of Zarkon’s reign. Obviously, the planet had resources the Galra would have wanted since Sendak proved so in his invasion, so they were just immensely lucky. In this sense, it’s safe to say that the riolu has more in common with Lotor than he does with the paladins. Both have had the realization that sometimes you have to do some bad to do a whole lot of good in return; the Paladins haven’t because, again, they have an instant-win weapon on their side. And not only have they not faced the dismal affair that is true war, but I think it’s safe to say they think to get political means you have to have the perfect ally. Not in the sense of resources or manpower, but in something that is taken with a grain of salt in war; morality.

That is the key problem Mike 1 has with forming an allegiance with them. To become involved with a group that cares so much about morals in war is a travesty lying in wait to him. As I stated beforehand, the protocol has no qualms with tossing aside morality if it is for the prosperity of the Pokemon species. They know there is no such thing as a squeaky-clean ally or representative when it comes to forming alliances; in the hell that is war, everyone has done something morally corrupt at least ONCE in their past. It’s almost like predictability to them. When it comes to forging these alliances, the riolu does look back at the current delegates' history but only for repetitive signs of betrayal. To ensure they can trust them and leaves it at that. They have the self-awareness to look at their own deeds and realize that they have no room to put themselves on a pedestal of higher morality. Investing in those that still care about being morally pure means Mike 1 has to worry about whether they will do what is needed, even when it compromises their morales. He’s got enough worries as is, the last thing he wants is more…

And when you think about it? Voltron’s leading diplomat, Allura, doesn’t have the most stellar background for a political atmosphere, either. Her xenophobia against the Galra is mostly accepted because well, they did destroy her planet and enslave the universe but it even carried over to Keith when it was revealed he was half Galra. She apologized for it, yeah, but she’d known Keith for how long before she decided to flip the script on him suddenly? And that doesn’t even go into her treatment of the Blade of Mamora, which she never apologized for.

She’s absolutely biased to anything involving Altea. The first dangerous aspect of this favoritism is “Hole in the Sky” when it’s revealed that the Alteans of that universe were using the Hoktrils to strip away free will in their quest for 'universal peace’. And she was totally okay with that, even when Keith pointed out that they were taking away other’s free will! And obviously, there’s the entire thing with Romelle; she trusted her absolutely emotionally-charged, no-evidence accusation without a second thought because she was Altean!  It’s another way Mike 1 and she differ; he knows that with his role as historian, his own emotions about his planet have to be pushed aside for the future of his species. Those that don’t learn from history are doomed to repeat, after all. Allura can’t seem to differentiate when morality should be a factor in her political doings; it’s just an automatic 'yes’ no matter the situation that she’s in. And that could have disastrous consequences on the universe as a whole considering her important role in its stabilization. Hell, it’s already caused disastrous consequences!

Let’s face facts; her and the rest of Voltron’s decision to act as judge, jury, and executioner to Lotor on the whim of some random Altean’s emotionally-charged account of his alleged wrongdoings killed more people in three years than his own did in 10,000 years! They attacked, fought, and left for dead the rightful ruler of the known universe; thus, leaving his empire to fall into decay and civil war that engulfed everything they’ve fought to defend. And yes. Yes, what Lotor did was fucked beyond comprehension, but regardless, they handled the situation as poorly as they possibly could’ve.

What I’m trying to get at here is that Mike 1 and Voltron have incompatible ideas on how to go about the war that stems from their experiences. Whilst the paladins have always had Voltron to fall back on and prevent them from having to make tough choices, the riolu only had himself to rely on and, as such, had no choice but to forsake his morals.

[happymetalgirl]

My 10 least favorite metal albums of 2017

I’ll admit, I do love making lists and quantifying things like this, I’m a sucker. I know that’s the exact opposite of what I say in this blog’s description, but when it’s easy enough to just put down 10 albums I really didn’t like this year, the math wasn’t that hard, though the few re-listens I gave these albums sure were.

This should go without saying, but this is no objective declaration of the WORST music to come out this year. I’m sure there is plenty that I didn’t hear this year that would end up here if I had. I’m also just talking about metal albums, so that makes it easier too.

10. Overkill – The Grinding Wheel

I’ve never really been much of an Overkill fan, but The Grinding Wheel is so unoriginal and unexciting. I don’t know how it got such high marks from some critics. The album could be dismembered and scattered across their discography and it wouldn’t even be noticeable. At best it had some solid thrash moments with that AC/DC-ish flair, but more often than not it was dragging and even annoying.

9. Cradle of Filth – Cryptoriana - The Seductiveness of Decay

The listening pain induced on me by these album goes up by an order of magnitude here. Dani Filth just made such an absurdly tasteless album this time around, not tasteless with gross lyrics or offensive imagery, but with obnoxious and uninspired writing. This album was so hard for me to give repeated listens to, and it has all the ingredients to make a more respectable Cradle of Filth album, it’s just so messily and gaudily put together it’s impossible to not nod off to.

8. Suicide Silence – Suicide Silence

I would argue this one was the most notorious on this list, and I’m sure plenty of other people are naming the “worst” album of the year, and I can’t disagree with them on it being worth lampooning. The stylistic direction they chose to take the album in made so little sense in the context of their career (which was at first exciting), but they just did not seem to know to do it when pen hit the music paper. What they touted like some big avant garde artistic decision for them ended up as cheap, confusing Deftones/Korn mimicry. I don’t deny that they did what they truly felt most compelled to do, I mean I can’t imagine anyone pressuring them to do this instead of another deathcore album, but it just came off like such a campy tribute of sorts to their musical heroes. They’re pretty dead now, but we got some decent memes from this album at least. Boy did those memes sure get to Suicide Silence when they started though.

7. Seether – Poison the Parish

They’ve got a handful of songs sprinkled throughout their discography that I like, but Seether have never been a really stellar group to me. They’ve seemed capable though, but not really this time. This is certainly their most recycled, effortless effort so far. I can’t recall many musical memories from this album, but I know the album just kept drifting off into the distance and never made me want to go catch it.

6. Dragonforce – Reaching into Infinity

This one was saddening because I’ve always stuck up for Dragonforce, who I don’t believe to be so deserving of all the mockery they get and the constant bringing up of Guitar Hero when their name is mentioned. But this album was almost a caricature of their own work, and not one that I wanted to keep looking at. Reaching into Infinity just plays into all the power metal clichés Dragonforce has cultivated around their name and the blandness of the delivery is the opposite of powerful. This album, like Seether’s, just floated off into the sky, not beckoning me to follow it, so far away.

5. Six Feet Under – Torment

I mean, I knew it wasn’t going to be top notch death metal, but I gave it a fraction of an ounce of hope with my listen, which was utterly wasted on Torment. Chris Barnes’ voice has not improved and it remains just a smear of crap across the only occasionally exciting but mostly by-the-numbers death metal instrumentals behind him.

4. Prophets of Rage – Prophets of Rage

Even just writing more about this album is not something I want to be doing again. The pathetic pandering with hollow, surface-level opinionating for what just seems like a few bucks ironically milked from the legacy of Rage Against the Machine left such a sour taste in my mouth. Who is this even supposed to be for, inattentive Rage fans? That’s the only thing I can think of because it’s not making any kind of bold or emotionally embodied statements. It’s not trying to make any real cultural impact, even though it wants to act like it is and Tom Morello wants to feel important for it. And this is without even mentioning the music backing this stupid nostalgia project. The Rage Against the Machine members did such an awfully gutless impersonation of themselves, it just highlights how over the hill they are. I have reserved the word for just one album this year so as not to overuse it, and Prophets of Rage earned it; this album is cringy.

3. Ded – Mis-An-Thrope

Though I had the impression that it had, this album didn’t make too many waves, and for good reason. What I heard being hyped as a triumphant kick back of nu metal (a genre whose style and some of whose major names I will wholeheartedly defend) into the current metal ecosystem was instead mostly full of the type of Slipknot impersonating I would have expected a decade or so ago interspersed with the type of emasculating good cop contrast that completely negates whatever rage it’s paired with that made a lot of alternative metal look like shit in the 90’s and early 2000’s.

2. Asking Alexandria – Asking Alexandria

This album is practically tied for the number one spot on this list for the degree of disgust I felt for it. It being a shorter is probably the only thing keeping at number two. This album is a bag of recyclables filled to the point of ripping some holes in the bag, that someone forgot was supposed to be recyclables and mindlessly threw rank-ass old food into as well. How something this watered down and pandering is one of metal’s best sellers is embarrassing. The cheesy, cliché applications of half-assed metalcore and cheap electronic backings over a way-too-sparkly-clean mix and mastering just make this thing reek of focus-group sales engineering. Like any bag of trash, I just want to get rid of it and not have to think about it anymore.

1. Hollywood Undead – Five

I only heard this as the result of an impulse of morbid curiosity that I have since hit myself in the head for giving into. Start to finish, and with almost no redeeming deviations, Hollywood Undead’s fifth album too many is a disaster of bro-y masculine bravado (also cancelled out by the littering of shitty, wimpy clean vocals), tasteless and dated Eminem-copy-catting rap verses about how “hard” they are (…), and pathetically unoriginal and failed intimidations directed at the group’s “haters”. After just about every song along the way I just wanted so badly to quit listening to it, held back only by a desire to give it a fair shot. This one is another album I can’t figure out who it’s for. The band might fire back the typical trope that they made this album for themselves, in which case, they would have no reason to be complaining about “haters” so much. I had thought the band had fallen off the face of the Earth after their second album or so, and hearing a FIFTH album from them getting promotion and publicity made me lose a little faith in humanity. I don’t want to write anymore about this album, it’s just going to make me more frustrated. I’m done. I’m ready to let my memory of this album and the others in this post fade farther and farther away.