#still just barely at the beginning of their playthroughs

[astarion-obsessions]

I think not enough people understand that Astarion doesn't want you to be his main or only source of blood. This even stands in direct contrast to what he really wants to achieve with biting Tav. Let me explain.

Why Astarion doesn't want you to be his blood bag

Let me start with explaining how I approached this topic. First of all, when I triggered the bite scene in my playthrough, I obviously let Astarion drink from my Tav. But then I got curious. What happens when I don't stop him? He's said I could trust him just a moment ago, didn't he? So I did just that, I trusted him literally with my life. 

Aaaand... he killed me. Well. What did I expect from a vampire, really. But that he actually drained me dry broke my heart. I really wanted to trust him, to reach out and show him that I didn't judge him for what he was and so on. I was really disappointed in him and couldn't quite grasp why he would do this. Was it a conscious decision? Did he lose control? Surely he would apologise and explain everything to me once someone resurrected me, returning the trust I was giving him the night prior, right?... right?

Of course not. The dialogue after him killing Tav was... at least as disappointing as him killing Tav in the first place. He shows his usual attitude, apologises half-heartedly and then just keeps going on with talking about draining the occasional bandit. He even snaps when you mention the topic of him feeding after that with something like "I already apologised, what more do you want?".

There's no real regret, no emotions. He simply doesn't care.

We know that he didn't care in the beginning, he tells us as much when he confesses his unwanted, growing feelings towards Tav in act 2. But still the whole bite scene didn't sit right with me until…

The Nightmare 

I randomly stumbled upon a clip of Astarion having a nightmare, so I researched about it and even started an Astarion run to experience it myself. So, if you play as Astarion, at the second long rest of act 1 he has a nightmare about Cazador, in which he recites the rules that defined how Astarion and the other spawn had to live:

First, thou shalt not drink of the blood of thinking creatures. 

Second, thou shalt obey me in all things. 

Third, thou shalt not leave my side unless directed. 

Fourth, thou shalt know that thou art mine. 

However Astarion reacts to this dream, he jolts awake afterwards and instinctively panics that he needs to find a way back to his master as soon as possible. His eyes set on his companions, who are sleeping / meditating peacefully around the fire, and then a thought passes his mind.

He could try to break one of Cazador's rules right then and there. He's able to stand in the sun, to bathe in running water, so maybe…

And that's why he decides to bite a companion. Astarion wakes up utterly terrified of what his master will do to him if he doesn't return to him in an instant - and he knows all too well what kind of horrors would await him if he so much as dares to think about rebelling again (read about that here) - so he is in desperate need of confirmation that he is now able to withstand and actively break the rules that have dominated his life for two centuries.

He needs to know that he is able to drink the blood of a thinking creature. And there they are. His clueless companions served on a silver platter. It's like an invitation to him, to test his boundaries. And who would be more fitting than the good hearted leader of the party Astarion wanted to (or already has) seduce(d) anyway?

This piece of information shed a whole new light on the bite scene. But let's look a bit closer at that. 

The Bite Night 

The very first thing Tav registers about what's going on with Astarion that night is him baring his fangs right above us, about to sink them into our flesh. He pulls back as soon as we open our eyes, retreating immediately until there's a safe distance between him and Tav. 

This may be the first time Tav gets to know that Astarion is a vampire, so he gets defensive and tells us that he's never killed a person for food, only animals. But then, instead of letting the idea of feeding on Tav go, he insists that animals aren't enough. 

But it's not enough. Not if I have to fight. I feel so weak. 

If I just had a little blood, I could think clearer. Fight better. Please. 

Then he goes on, literally pleading to get what he wants while putting on a sad expression in the end, even averting his gaze. 

And if we now have in mind that he just woke up from a nightmare about Cazador, feeling powerless and in desperate need of even a glimpse of hope that he might escape Cazador's cruel grip, his lines make a lot of sense. He's veiling the truth, of course, but not all of what he says is a lie. 

He indeed feels weak - powerless in fact - so drinking Tav's blood (the blood of a thinking creature) could prove that he may have regained a bit of power over himself, which had been exclusively reserved for Cazador the last 200 years. This would absolutely make him feel stronger, more confident than he's felt for a long, long time. 

And he indeed could think clearer after tasting Tav's blood, because this would bring clarity to the question if he is now able to break Cazador's rules on purpose and therefore give him information to work with when he needs to think about what to do next. 

Right after this, we get the chance to push into Astarion's mind, and if we do this, we can see what he thinks about. 

His mind opens up, revealing cracked and quivering memories. At their heart, you see dark eyes, commanding you to feed. 

You open your mouth and bite down. Not into a tender neck, but in the twisting body of a rat - the only thing your master lets you eat. 

He recalls the memory of how his master used to force him to eat disgusting vermin. As his memory is told, we can clearly see how deeply this affects him, for he can't keep up his walls of defensiveness and detachment. They just crack, crumble and reveal his misery clearly for Tav to observe. When we ask him about it directly afterwards, he first seems to search for a way out - a witty remark, anything - but gives up almost immediately. And he looks and sounds just completely defeated and tired, confirming what Tav just saw in his mind. 

He goes on with talking about trust. I think here he's seeing a chance to gain Tav's sympathy. If he already reveals such delicate information about his past, he can as well make use of it. So he appeals to Tav's understanding, offering us that this past is the reason for him only trusting Tav slowly. But then he immediately adds that now he trusts Tav, and that in return Tav can trust him, too. 

What he does here is displaying himself as pitiful, gaining Tav's sympathy, then seemingly going out of his way and saying that despite all he does trust Tav, which puts Tav in the position to follow suit with returning the trust… which Astarion definitely lied about on his part. But that's what he does. Manipulating. 

If we then respond with "You tried to bite me. How can I trust you?" instead of assuring us of his trustworthiness with more manipulation, he gets frustrated. 

Because we don't have a choice! Not if we're going to save ourselves from these worms. 

But he goes on with masking his reasons, even if he gave us a hint right in the beginning of act 1 when we picked him up, where he said that he would rather control the tadpole instead of removing it. If we play as Astarion, it gets clear pretty fast that he holds onto the tadpole, because it seems to be the only thing that had been able to "save" him from Cazador whilst no one and nothing else even attempted to help him for two centuries. Of course he would not want to get rid of the tadpole just like that. But he says so nonetheless to align with Tav's goals and display himself as useful. 

And then he does something interesting. 

I need you alive. You need me strong. 

Please. Only be a taste, I swear. I'll be well, you'll be fine, and everything can go back to normal. 

In the beginning of this conversation he mentioned he needed the blood to fight better. Now he takes up on this by saying that Tav needs him strong, hinting on him getting stronger after having a taste of Tav's blood. And then he promises that after this "everything can go back to normal", which right now means Astarion feeding on animals again. 

A few things about this are odd. 

Firstly, "only be a taste". Everyone, literally everyone has heard about the insatiable hunger of vampires. So how is it supposed to work that Astarion gets stronger from just a taste of Tav's blood? For how long? A few hours? Not nearly long enough to pose a real advantage, eh? For me this makes no sense. And if we think about his true intentions - wanting to find out if he can break Cazador's rule - just a taste would be absolutely enough. (And after he bites Tav without killing them, he even says that he needs something more filling!) 

Secondly, if Astarion really wanted to become stronger with the help of Tav's blood, why would he promise to go back to normal afterwards? He just offered Tav a stronger companion but then immediately nullified this argument by literally saying that this will be a one time arrangement. 

Thirdly, he subtly offers a bargain. "You give me your blood, I will be a stronger fighter for you." He did so in the beginning as well, repeating it with different words. And it fits his character very well to do so, because for all he knows everything comes with a price. He almost gets beaten to death and Cazador mercifully comes to his rescue? The price is a never ending life of torment and abuse. Astarion helps a potential victim for Cazador to flee? The price is a year of starvation, locked up in a dusty and dark tomb without knowing if it will ever find an end. Mindflayers rescued him from Cazador, (passively) granting him to possibly be free of him at last? The price is becoming a tentacled monster in the end. 

If we then allow him to bite us, he's visibly surprised about our graciousness, but of course doesn't let this chance slip and suggests getting comfortable instantly. Then he finally gets to sink his teeth into Tav's neck. This part of the scene can more or less be viewed from both sides - Astarion's and Tav's. 

He begins to feed on Tav and after a bit we can decide to interrupt him, but have to pass an ability check first. This repeats a second time when playing Tav, and even if it's only one AC when we play Astarion and decide to bite a companion, it still aligns, showing that Astarion seemingly loses himself in the taste of Tav's blood - which is very likely because (as he later tells us) we were the first humanoid he's ever fed on, so it's imaginable that Tav's blood must be tasting almost divine to him. 

This theory is supported by his actions after we fail the first AC or just let him continue. He grabs the back of Tav's head to pull them towards himself, emphasising on how greedy he is sucking the blood out of Tav. The camera even uses the exact same angles before failing or skipping the first AC and after, so the comparison is easy and the difference is clear:

If we then fail or skip the next AC, Astarion just drains us dry… And it gets even better after the bite night. 

The Morning After 

When Tav gets revived and then talks to Astarion, he is visibly surprised to see us, after he left the dead body of Tav behind with saying "Oh no, something terrible has happened". Sure Astarion, something… 

All of this happens when Astarion still doesn't care for Tav. He reacts with panic when we confront him with the fact that he literally killed us, and just manages to get his expression under control after a few seconds. I mean, just look at him:

'Killed' feels like a strong word. Not many corpses have your vigour. 

He definitely knows what he's done, and that 'killed' is indeed the right word for it, he is just very very bad at coping with guilt (which is amazingly analysed by thelikesoffinn - definitely read this, you'll understand Astarion so much better after this). 

He instantly lays the focus on our codependency again, that we need each other and so on. If we question why we should keep him around, he answers with:

A strong, well-fed vampire? I'm a powerful weapon - you'd be a fool to toss me aside now. 

With mentioning this, he wants to make sure that Tav will let him stay by their side and therefore grant him protection. 

But more importantly he continues:

Anyway, last night was an aberration. It will never happen again. 

He doesn't even start with something like "Next time I'll be more careful" or anything similar. He straight up says that it will never happen again. Period. If we then ask who he will feed on next time he gets hungry, he presents the idea of feeding on villains and bandits "who need killing anyway". And this is exactly what he wants. This even shows in his reaction to Tav's response to his suggestion.

If we agree and therefore allow him to feed on our enemies ("Sounds good. Glad we could agree"), this is how he reacts:

As am I. I'm starting to feel a little peckish already. 

This itself doesn't sound all too enthusiastic, but we get his approval up, which definitely shows that he very much likes that Tav agreed. 

On the contrary, if we suggest he can feed on Tav, ignoring his will wish to feed on villains ("Look, I'm not against you feeding on me, but only if we talk about it first"), this is his reaction:

Of course! This sounds eminently reasonable. 

I shall wait patiently until you suggest we… dine together. 

Doesn't sound too bad either, eh? But we don't get his approval. He doesn't disapprove, of course, because this is still a thousand times better than what he had until then, but still not what he really wants… 

So, what does all of this mean for the initial question? 

Conclusion 

The crucial point here is what it means for Astarion to feed on Tav. The only things he remembers since Cazador turned him, are being relentlessly dominated and horrifyingly abused. The things Astarion wants the most are to be safe and to finally have control over himself again. 

He bit Tav for the sole purpose of finding out if he can be free of Cazador's rules. So why would he jump right into being dependent on Tav? He suggests to feed on villains, because then he is free of anyone's mercy. He doesn't need to rely on Tav to graciously allow him to get a drop of blood. He can do this himself now. 

This is such an important step for his character growth, to find the way to his autonomy again, so if we only allow him to feed on Tav, it instantly sets him back into old habits of bowing to his masters words - or in this case Tav's. Because it's all hes been doing for the last two centuries of his life. 

So, as much as the thought of the self-sacrificing offer to be his personal blood bag may seem romantic or whatever, it's actually the exact opposite, trapping Astarion in what he desperately tries to escape from. The restrictions that come with someone dominating him mentally and physically. And as I mentioned earlier, he doesn't believe in the goodness of people. For him every "kind" act has a price and he likes to know what he has to pay, so he wouldn't even want to just drink Tav's blood without Tav getting anything out of it. He would most certainly expect Tav one day to come around with something he doesn't want to give or do, so he wants to control such situations beforehand. 

All he wants is to make his own decisions and be free in every way possible… 

So please just let him drain some bandits, will ya? 

[crustaceousfaggot]

So I've been thinking a lot about the setting of Disco Elysium. Specifically it being set in late winter/early spring. It's not something I've really seen anyone else bring up.

I mean, the symbolism seems pretty obvious right? Spring is the time of new beginnings, winter is ending and we're entering a time of potential and rebirth. Definitely nothing new. But I think it goes beyond that.

I live in one of the coldest major cities in the world. Not *the* coldest, but you'll be hard-pressed to find a city with over 1,000,000 inhabitants that gets colder than it gets here. Winters are long and brutal and difficult, and when the soil itself is frozen and covered in a foot of packed snow it's really hard to believe that the world could look any other way.

And don't get me wrong, winter is beautiful. The world is quiet and picturesque. There's none of the usual dirt and debris in the streets because it's all buried under the snow. The way that fresh snow sparkles under street lights at night is one of the most breathtakingly gorgeous things I've ever seen.

It's early April right now, and the snow is melting. It's not all gone, but it's getting there. When the air starts to warm up there's this feeling of excitement and anticipation in the air. Spring is here, and any second now the world will be bursting with new life and beautiful greenery.

But it's not. Not yet.

For about a month and a half after the snow starts to melt, the world is grey. No glittering snow, no budding flowers, no swirling red leaves, just puddles of brown water and lawns of brown grass. It's like winter had ended, but the world has yet to realize that it's supposed to be spring. Until it remembers, we're all trapped in a world where there is no season at all.

Sometimes it snows, but the snow never sticks around. Sometimes it rains, but the rain never brings flowers in its wake.

That last month of winter, that first month of spring, whatever you want to call it, is my least favourite time of year. I heard it described once as "the long-preserved corpse of autumn, finally allowed to rot", and that phrase stuck with me. There are eight month old leaves on the ground, skeletal and bleached grey by a winter trapped under the ice. Without the snow to cover it, you can't ignore just how much we've let our city go to shit. The trees are bare and skeletal, and even the evergreens look washed out and grey when they're not contrasted against the snow. Most of the birds aren't back yet, so the only sound outside my window is the ever-present hum of traffic.

It's impossible to ignore the movement and the sounds of humanity, but at the same time the world has never felt so stagnant.

I think there are all sorts of comparisons you could draw here, some of which hold up better than others. The one that first comes to mind for me is sobriety- the line "Full recovery will take years, though. It’ll be depressing. And it’ll be boring. Don’t expect any further rewards or handclaps." from the "Waste Land Of Reality"o thought is one which really stuck with me on my first playthrough, and one which feels especially appropriate here. But that's just one angle.

How much of this was intentional? I don't know. Probably not most of it. Part of me just wanted to go on a little tangent about the seasonal purgatory I'm trapped in once again. But I genuinely don't think there could be a better time of year to set a game like Disco Elysium. That bleak dusty shoulder season, where all the ugliest and most honest parts of nature and civilization are on display. The time of year where I've gone through the ringer and come out the other side, but everything still looks and feels like shit. It's just a different kind of shit.

Spring isn't here. Not yet. And when it does come, it won't fix anything. There will still be garbage on the ground and pollution in the air, there will still be class inequality and senseless violence and I will still be mentally ill.

But still.

For the first time in months, I can feel the wind against my skin without it hurting.

Whatever that's worth.

[happy-beeeps]

Naïveté

Summary: Astarion begins to reconcile with the fact he might have fallen for you, only to worry you've caught an interest in someone else. Earllllllly act 2, minor spoilers for act 2!

Pairing: Astarion x f!tav

Warnings/tags: fluff, miscommunication if you squint, jealous!astarion, platonic!wyll x tav, slightly ooc Astarion because I'm still learning to write him so be nice PLEASE😭🥺

WC: 2k

a/n: I'm finishing a character sheet for tav so we can have her backstory, but she's who I've been using this playthrough and I've been really enjoying her story. When I post on Ao3 she'll have a name, but I'm going to leave her unnamed here! Also, will have a seperate BG3 spot on my masterlist soon!

It’s late at camp, and by the time you finish indulging in a bottle of wine with Karlach, you figure you’re the only one still up. It’s been a long night, and an even longer few days, spent trudging through the grimy depths of the Shadowcursed lands and just barely making it out of the encounter with Marcus alive. Isobel had given you the ability to travel freely, but all you could do was set up camp near the inn.

The firelight is dim when you make your way back from the secluded spot near Karlach’s tent, and Astarion’s tent is sealed tightly. You contemplate going over, just peaking your head in to see if he’s deep in trance yet, but you change your mind. After your previous night’s conversation, you’re still not sure on speaking terms. It plays out over and over again in your mind. Naive, he’d called you, your heart was too big. 

You tried to be reasonable. You were naive. You were young, and perhaps no one but Wyll new exactly how young. To be ninety as an elf was to be just becoming an adult. No one else had known, no else had asked, including Astarion. You chalked it up to his truly immortal lifespan, he hadn’t cared about aging for 200 years, why start now?

Still, you couldn’t deny the pull you felt to him, or the thrill that shook your bones when he would quietly rush into your tent each morning, murmuring the incantation for lesser restoration. You still thought of the way he looked at Gale when he asked to consume that locket all those days back. “I’m glad you let him suffer for a moment, darling,” he’d murmured into your ear that night, his breath tingly on your neck, “That one’s ours.”

There’d been other nights since your first night together, while you hadn’t slept together in completion since, all passion and teeth and sweat. Sometimes you’d just kiss him, wrapped up in nothing else but this bliss of arms and scent. Lately though, he’d been closed off—distant. His conversation the previous night had come out of nowhere, as if you were standing on the doorstep of Moonrise Towers that very instant. 

You were so lost in your own thoughts, consumed of Astarion, that you nearly missed Wyll’s form standing near the dimming fire, moving around in a dance you actually recognized.

“I hope I’m not interrupting practice,” you smiled, giving the man ample warning before you stumbled into his rehearsal. 

Wyll wheeled on you, a faint blush growing across his cheeks. “It’s one of those old courting dances, it’d be a cold day in the hells before I’d ever forget them.”

“Oh I’m quite familiar,” you murmured, thinking back to your own youth, your own debutante ball, before you lost everything. “Everyone else around here forgets I come from taste.”

Wyll snorts, “Sure don’t smell like it.”

Your friendship with Wyll is a special thing. No one else can understand what it felt like to be from a Noble family, the expectations and the experience it comes with. When your family had been killed and their wealth assumed, you were completely on your own. Learning how to pickpockets and lie had not been a part of your expensive and tasteful education.

Dancing, however, came second nature.

You move to stand in front of him without really thinking, decades of experience guiding your motions. “Go on, let’s see what you can do.”

He’s a fine partner, moving cautiously around you and guiding your hand easily. Even when he brings you closer for a slightly more intimate dance, his hands nor his eyes never stray. 

“I wonder what I’d have done if I ever saw you at one of the balls my father sent me too.” He murmurs.

“I’m certain you did. Though you would’ve been young. I haven’t been in nearly a decade.”

He chuckles, and clucks his tongue for a moment, “Just practically a baby, far to young to approach Fey nobility.” Before bowing in front of you and wishing you goodnight. There’s the smallest beat where he looks at you as if he has something to say. You look at him for the smallest moment. It would be so easy to love him, if you were anyone else. He’s exactly who your father would have picked for you, save his humanity. But, despite it, you can’t. You can’t fake the flutter you get when you Astarion’s cold hands tickle your fingers, or the tickle of his hair on your cheek when he’s pressed against your neck. You’re not naive enough to admit this to Astarion, but from the fleeting glance you send to his tent, you can see that Wyll already knows. He leaves you with a knowing glance and a soft goodnight. You go back to your own tent, happy to have removed the thought of the curse, of Ketheric, and even of your own problems for just a moment.

So full of contentedness in fact, you don’t notice the scarlet eyes peering at you from the slat of their tent, a whirlwind of emotions cascading over them.

* * *

Astarion doesn’t hide his mild disdain for Wyll, or anyone to be fair, to begin with, but the following morning he bears down on the man like an ogre. “I didn’t anticipate you being quite so light on your feet. The Blade stands at the ready, and also ready to pirouette, I suppose?”

Wyll rolls his eyes at Astarion’s quip, used to the sarcasm, but somewhat surprised at the intensity of the rogue’s grip on his arm. “Wasn’t aware I couldn’t have past times.”

“By all means feel free to entertain us with a ballet in between slaughters,” his voice hushes as you walk by, looking at the two men skeptically, “I’d just prefer if your duets didn’t happen whilst I’m trying to read.”

Wyll follows Astarion’s slightly fleeting to his retreating gaze. You’re standing behind him, out of earshot, leaning against Lae’zel’s tent while she sharpens your sword. Astarion’s stare is enough to allow him to piece everything together. “Can I give you a word of advice?”

“Only if you accept that I may ignore it entirely.”

“She’s wonderful. And she’s made her choice without giving anyone else a chance. If I were you, I wouldn’t waste it, wouldn’t kill you to get to know her.”

Wyll walks away, and Astarion is left alone again with his thoughts. Contrary to Wyll’s belief, he thinks it might actually kill him to get to know you. He’s been balancing precariously on his fight to not let himself be fully consumed by you and your grace, your goodness. You were a spoilt little thing, he was sure of that, and he had meant what he said that night by the water. It didn’t mean it hurt his chest more when your face fell. “Naive?” there was a crack in your cool, crafted facade. Genuine hurt had settled there for a moment, and something akin to disappointment. He hadn’t known how to face you since, hadn’t known how to say “I’m sorry! I’m falling for you and can’t help it and I’m terrified!”

So instead he said nothing at all, and resolved to say something later.

* * *

You had just gotten back to camp for the night, Karlach nearly giggling at the amount of gold she had stuffed in her pockets from the tollhouse. You had noticed Astarion’s eyes on you, heavy and pensive, when you had dealt with the Master of Coin, how easily you’d convinced her to simply cease to be. That was perhaps the easiest transition from nobility to rogue you had, the gift of a silver tongue and wide, batting eyes.

You changed into your camp clothes and watched Karlach throw gold pieces at an increasingly irritated Lae’zel, Gale standing nearby doing his best to keep spirits high in this eerie camp, working with whatever cured meats and cheeses you still had to attempt to make a dinner. You had changed into camp clothes and grabbed one of the books you had found in the tollmaster’s office, a shockingly smutty romance novel that had to be even older than you. It was quiet in the corner you found, somewhere even Halsin’s booming laugh had faded into quiet background noise. You tried to not think about your surroundings, about your increasing frustration with Astarion, or the odd way his gaze had hung on you all day. 

“I’m always impressed by that tongue of yours, petal.” The vampire’s voice pulled you from your thoughts, and he settled beside you on the ground, arms behind him as he reclined easily next to you.

You rolled your eyes at the innuendo, and the pet name. “Yet you’ve been leaving me and my tongue to our thoughts the past few days.” You huffed, flipping the book to the next page, though not really reading any of it 

If Astarion could blush, he looked as if he would. “We’ve been a bit busy darling. I’ve been…strategizing.”

“Strategizing?”

“Precisely.”

The quiet overtook the two of you. After being so distant, if he didn’t want to come to you, then so be it. You could not—would not–crack first. He could not even begin to know the bubbling furnace of your feelings, or you’d be positively done for.

“How old are you?”

His question strikes you, strikes you enough that you set the book off to the side and face him. “At what point did you start to ask me questions?”

“When I realized I had done something to anger my favorite companion,” his fingers reach out and trace small patterns on your skin. “How old are you?”

“Ninety.” Your voice moves to a whisper at the end of the word, and his eyebrows quirk.

“Only ninety and yet alone. And Balduran?”

“Yes, but I haven’t lived there since I was seventy five.”

“Something happened,” he rocks upward, now sitting nearer to you. “You weren’t supposed to be like this.”

“Perhaps that’s why I’m so naive.” It comes out more bitter than you meant, but oh well. He deserved it.

“Naive wasn’t the right word,” he looks like he’s fighting himself to turn out the next sentence. “I didn’t mean to offend.”

You smile softly, laying a hand on top of his. “I don’t know if I believe that, but I appreciate the apology.”

He grins, his deep set smile lines settling in your favorite way. “Tell me about your childhood.”

You shrug, “There’s not much to say. I was an only child, an only daughter. I used to play the lyre, learn languages, paint–”

“You come from nobility.”

“I sort of thought it was obvious,” you shrug and tap your knee against his, “I wasn’t supposed to be out in the middle of a campground, much less learning the ways of a rogue.”

“What were you supposed to be?”

“A wife, I guess.”

“And while I’m sure suitors everywhere are devastated, I much prefer my rogue.”

My. You don’t say anything and neither does he. You let the word hang there, testing to see if he reaches back to grab it, but he doesn’t. It gets quiet for a moment after that, and you can see him spinning the illusion in his head. You, swathed in organza, spinning around a marble ballroom, entertaining suitors. 

“Is that why you danced with Wyll?”

“Ah,” you smile and rest your head on his shoulder. You love these fleeting moments of intimacy, where you can both pretend to be nothing more than lovers on an adventure. “So this was spurred by jealousy?”

“As if I have anything to be jealous over Wyll. He wishes he looked half as good as me.” His words lack their normal bite, and he turns his head softly, so he’s speaking quietly, just to you. “But perhaps in the future you’d let me take you for a spin.”

You press your hand against his on the ground. “You need only ask.”

“I’ll… keep that in mind.”

There’s so much more you both want to say, confessions on the precipice of both your minds, but you say nothing. You idle together a touch longer, hands resting against each other, pretending neither of you can get hurt, envisioning a world where it’s him spinning you across the dance floor in a world where you could have each other.

[stars-and-inkpots]

True Love's Embrace | Gale x Reader

Finding those rings gives you the chance to protect Gale. Sure, he would never agree to you putting yourself in danger for the sake of himself, but he doesn't have to know.

Pairing: Gale/Reader

Tags: Canon-typical violence, blood and injury, codependency, self-sacrifice, forehead kisses, hurt/comfort

Notes: Inspired by some combat in my playthrough and thinking about the reactions some things may have caused. I simply think that Gale would have an opinion on using those rings, and it wouldn't be a good one (mildly hypocritical, of course).

Ao3 Link: True Love's Embrace

Word Count: 1,785

You know what those rings can do. You know what the wife who gave her husband the matching ring did. What she did was horrible, but you aren’t going to use them like that. 

You know Gale won’t approve of it at all; but the thought of the ring's magic protecting him (even if it was at the expense of yourself) gave you peace of mind. The thought of his safety is enough to drown out the thought of his disappointment if he does manage to find out. 

He didn’t question when you placed the silver ring in his hand. You almost worried that he would know what it was, that he would immediately see through your plan. You gave a relieved sigh when all he did was thank you for the gift and slip the ring on his finger before pressing a kiss to the back of your hand. 

When you put your hand on his shoulder later, it was simple to let the magic of the rings flow through you. You feel the invisible thread that connects you to each other. Gale doesn’t seem to notice.

“Is everything alright? You seem distracted,” Gale asks. 

Guilt runs through you once more, urging you to tell him, but you ignore it. You needed every reassurance you could get to keep him safe here. You could take a few extra hits in battle, it wouldn’t matter. As long as he was safe. 

“I’m fine, just have a lot on my mind… and well, in it, I suppose,” you say, hoping the joking tone will hide the real concerns you have about the danger that surrounds you; and despite the distaste you have for the parasite that has made its home in your skull, you aren’t one to give up the opportunity for an admittedly awful joke. 

Gale groans, but huffs out a reluctant laugh all the same. 

“Hold on-” All of you hear Karlach begin to warn the group from her place in the front, but she isn’t quite fast enough. 

Creatures of vines and shadow shamble out of the bushes ahead. The biggest of the group creeps quickly out of the shadows as it towers over all of you. You barely have enough time to dodge the first round of thorns it shoots at you. 

Karlach is quick to start rushing at the nearest monster, axe swinging wildly as it cuts through wooden tendrils. Astarion manages to get himself further back where he can shoot safely. You and Gale, can’t move away quick enough before the ground erupts into a swarming mass of roots that entangle around your feet, trapping you. 

You do your best, blocking most strikes when you can, swiping your blade across the roots and vines that try to reach out, but your lack of movement makes it increasingly difficult. Several hits make it through your defence, thorns cutting through your armour, pinpointing the weak spots. You can feel the ring working its magic when pain blossoms from phantom wounds as Gale is hit behind you. You endure, knowing that Gale’s injuries would be far worse if you didn’t have these rings. 

You can feel the heat from yet another fireball launched into the thick of the trees. Gale is doing his best to avoid catching anyone else in the crossfire of the blaze. 

When the last creature finally falls, you can take the time to untangle yourself from the roots at your feet. You finally notice the sheer amount of blood that coats the ground around you. Despite the lightheadedness you feel, you push on. 

Gale, though still injured, looks far better than he could have been. That makes this worth it , you assure yourself. It’s nothing that Shadowheart’s magic won’t be able to fix. 

---

Hoping for a simple excursion through the Shadow-Cursed Lands is a laughable desire.

The next day is much like the last. You and your companions are walking through the darkness, ready for some new horror to lunge out from the shadows; and are entirely unsurprised when they do. 

You’ll never get used to the shadow creatures. The tall and imposing beings of pure shadow, but still very much physical and capable of hurting you. Their claws are sharp when they dig into your flesh, and there are so many of them that it’s hard to keep track. They suffocate the light around them, plunging anyone nearby into darkness. 

You can feel each time one of them slashes at Gale. You are made painfully aware of each time the wizard isn’t quite fast enough when jumping out of the way. Even though the pain is lessened by the magic of the ring, combined with the strikes that you’re taking yourself, it leaves you struggling. Standing on unsteady feet, hands shaking as you hold your sword out in front of you, you realise that you might not be strong enough to protect him like you wanted after all. 

Exhaustion takes hold of you quickly. It pulls at you; your muscles feel weak. You let yourself collapse to the ground, unable to hold yourself up any longer. Stars dance across your vision, the world blurs and darkens at the edges. You keep your eyes open as long as you can. Distantly, you can hear someone yelling your name, frantic and scared. Sleep overtakes you, and you slip into the oddly comforting darkness of unconsciousness. 

---

The world returns to you in moments. In one, you are held tightly against someone’s chest, their arms wrapped around you, warm and strong. It is Karlach, you recognise vaguely. You drift away again. In the next, you can hear Shadowheart speaking to someone. Her hands are warm on your arm. You can feel her magic seep through your body; the wounds closing steadily. Then darkness once more. 

The next time you wake up, you aren’t sure where you are for a moment. 

You try to sit up, immediately regretting it as your whole body is wracked with pain. You lower yourself back down on the bedroll which has been covered in many plush blankets. It is then that you recognize the blue fabric of the tent and the books around you that are stacked neatly along the walls. 

With a sudden clarity, you feel the absence of the ring on your finger. 

Shit.  

Pushing through the entrance of the tent, is none other than Gale. He looks down at you, relieved, but also clearly upset. 

“Care to explain what these are? And perhaps, if you would be so generous, tell the truth this time?” Gale holds the two rings in his hand. 

You’re quiet for a moment. You feel awful for lying to him. 

“The rings we found. I thought maybe they were just normal rings, but after reading the diaries we found with them, I realised they could cast a one-way warding bond. I just wanted to protect you. It was something I could actually do to help keep you safe. I’m sorry, I know I should have told you, but you wouldn’t have let me if you knew-” 

“Of course I wouldn’t have let you!” Gale cuts you off. “Why would I let you do something like this? It doesn’t matter what the rings do, I’ll have none of it if it hurts you.” He sighs, frustrated, but clearly only because he is worried about you. 

“I’m sorry.” Your voice is quiet, wavering only slightly. 

Gale kneels down beside you, putting the rings aside and taking your face in his hands instead. “I care about you. I care about you a lot, in fact. When I saw you fall out there, I was terrified. I never want to get that close to losing you again. I know you had only the best intentions, and I am not angry with you; I love you, so very much. I never want you to put yourself in harm's way for the sake of me. Promise me.” He sounds desperate, like the thought of you doing something like this again physically pains him. 

“I promise.” In all honesty, you aren’t sure how much of the truth it is. If there was ever a moment where you would have to make a decision between him and yourself, you can’t promise that you won’t protect him then too. 

But Gale can’t fault you either. He isn’t sure that he wouldn’t do the same for you. In all honesty, if he was in your position, he might have used the rings very similarly, and he can imagine you giving him much the same lecture. 

Both of you are too ready to bleed for the other, for just the chance to keep each other safe. It seems that’s all one can do in this world right now. 

“I love you,” Gale whispers before kissing you, soft and careful not to move you too much while you’re still healing. 

“I love you too,” you answer, covering one of his hands on your cheek with your own. 

“I’ll go and get you some food. You’ve been asleep for a while, I kept near the fire to keep it warm for you.” He presses one more kiss to your forehead before leaving the tent again. 

For now, the rings are forgotten. Your earlier guilt dissipates slowly as you wait for Gale to return. He helps you sit up when he gets back, pain still very much present, but fading the longer you lean against him. He’s quick to wrap an arm around you, letting you put most of your weight against him, which you’re grateful for. 

The entire rest of the night, there isn’t a moment when he’s near you and touching you in some way. While you eat, he’s talking to you about another one of his books, but his arm is around you, hand resting on your hip. After, when you’re laying down again, he’s running his fingers through your hair, or resting his hand on your arm. Guilt returns momentarily when you realise just how much your injuries must have worried him. 

When you finally feel sleep tugging at you again, though less demanding this time, he lays beside you. The pain has subsided for the most part, and you’re able to move yourself to cuddle closer to him. He holds you close to his side, chin resting on the top of your head. 

You can’t promise something like this won’t happen again. Gale can’t promise that he won’t do the same thing. But both of you can promise to try to keep your self-sacrifice to a minimum, at the very least. And you can promise that you’ll always come back to each other at the end of the day. 

[collegetennisoriginstory]

Dev update for CT:OS and Merry Crisis

Hi guys! Sorry it's been a while!

Life update

I've been so busy at work that I've barely had time to rest and hang with friends and family, let alone write as much as I need. I've still been spending some of my weekends writing, but rapidly discovering how little I can get done with just 5 or 6 hours of writing per week. (Crazy how much time IF-writing takes haha)

It's just peak busy period for my job right now before holiday season and things will calm down in December.

CT:OS

As y'all may know, I had been hoping to release the update in early Nov for early release folks and mid Nov for public folk.

I am still aiming to squeeze out the CT:OS update by end of Nov or early Dec and I wanted to let you all know where I'm at!

The scenes are about 95% written (all the way up to the end of the matches currently, I'm just finishing up the win/lose reactions and editing)!!

As of right now, the new update stands at a mammoth 90k+ words with code, but I think something like 35-40k in a playthrough, and there are new RO kisses for all ROs :)

The good news despite these delays is that this update (far from being a short pt. 2), is actually meaty enough to really stand as its own update.

Merry Crisis

I'll update again when I have a bit of a sense when CT:OS is done and how busy my December looks.

Ko-fi

Finally, because I don't want ko-fi folk to be paying out of pocket for this month as its taking a bit longer than expected, I will be refunding ko-fi monthly payments from beginning of Nov until the next update, which I hope will be before Dec.

Once again thanks everyone for continuing to read/play the IFs, supporting me, and sending me love/messages :)

❤️ hope to have some great update news for you guys soon!

[ineadhyn]

Playing Astarion good aligned and what that meant for his character - a completely unnecessary but fascinating analysis

So the idea was: entirely good aligned Astarion origin playthrough

However I can't just do that, it has to fit into his character somehow. It has to make sense to me, so I did analyze and justify and this is what I came up and how it is going:

Normally Astarion escapes Cazador gets tadpoled and is a menace, a violent bastard who lashes out, barely contains how hurt he is and tries to get people to like him the only way he knows: through sex.

What if Astarion is the main character? The leader? If he figures people would like him if he is good or at least pretends to be. He notices quickly that people approve of good deeds and oh, how good the praise and gratitude feels. So Astarion tries being good for a change. People are easy to believe he's genuine because they want him to be, especially good souls like Karlach.

He still hooks up with Lae'zel, but figures quickly that his body is far less powerful than his arrow in the right throat. It's not worth it getting on his back anymore. Also he has set his eyes on the wizard (Gale was very suppportive about Astarion's vampirism).

As Act one closes he is too deep into the being the good person to drop the act now. Halsin is with him and he would annihilate Astarion if he ever found out how much he actually loathes the tiefling party. No, he is in this now, he has to carry on.

Entering the Shadow Curse and meeting Jaheira he remembers his own hero: Drizzt do'Urden and, now expecting more great things from himself and having to live up to the expectations of others, he tries to become Drizzt. His most asked question to himself is: wwdd - what would Drizzt do? It becomes his compass for decision making.

Gale finds himself in love with Astarion and Astarion is very pleased about that, a bit of genuine softness feels nice and also, hello, there's delicious hunger for power hiding under these purple robes amongst other things.

Now we come to the core problem this version of Astarion has: His heroism is an act, a mask. He has picked it up so quickly he never had the chance to be terrible and start to heal. He is as full of fear as he was at the beginning of the game and desperate for protection. He's reaching for every straw that will give him an advantage not caring for himself in a healthy way. He's ready to make sacrifices. He bit Araj.

He encourages Gale to go for the crown. He even toyed with the tadpole's power. Not ready yet to give up his beauty and become half-illithid but maybe after the spawn attack he panics so much he'll consume it. (I wonder if Cazador reacts to that, seeing his spawn like that, his beauty ruined) What a powerful protection against being sexually abused again. Gale will still love him, no matter his appearance.

And most likely he will ascend and pretend it didn't affect him. He needs to keep the mask up, can't risk to fail against the Absolute and reveal the weak spawn he (thinks) he really is underneath it. He needs the praise to keep coming, he needs to protect himself and his lover and Gale needs to protect him. So ... god Gale is also very much possible.

I am now entering Act 3 and will keep this updated because it is an unusual but very fascinating path to me. Astarion, glowing on the outside, the hero of Baldur's Gate, the good vampire, the one people trust - but on the inside he's more rotten than ever, more afraid than ever. The only real thing about him is his relationship with Gale, he genuinely loves him, which sadly makes it worse for both of them.

Note that I do feel bad for him, but am too intrigued to stop.

Here he is, drizzting his way through my game. Nailing the hero pose, just as he nailed the smile when he lured a target:

[loveislandthegame]

my overall thoughts on season 7, writing edition: what in the world ? 😭 i cannot believe i thought this season was gonna be good. i’ll be joining rohan & S2 MC in the circus, since FB made me look like a damn clown. i don't even know where to begin

being a casa girl had so much potential, and it was something that a lot of players actually wanted, even before FB started doing these themed seasons. they really fumbled the bag here

i enjoyed casa amor. the guys were all unique, had their own dialogue, and it was cool to see their pre-established relationships (alex being the villa dad, bryson and rafa being partners in chaos, the beef between bryson & joyo) then we arrived in the villa, and it all went downhill from there:

everybody became an empty husk, so they could be forced into interchangeable roles: uma’s partner, bonnie’s partner, OG LI’s ex, loved up couple (summer/joyo or #rafne) to name a few. FB’s lazy asses ruined their own characters . why is alex, the supposed level-headed & mature one, being petty & childish af in my playthrough? 😭

MC literally had no thoughts, head empty. we barely participated in any of the challenges and games. it felt like we didn't do anything besides "get pulled for a chat" by your LI or the girls

the LI personality merge in this season was the worst it has ever been. all they do is agree with whatever you say, or tell you how great you are (gone are the days of LIs having their own interests, & getting extra dialogue because of that, like levi with artist MCs)

same problem as the most recent seasons, where MC doesn’t have friendships. she has a forced bestie, then potential LIs that sit around waiting for you to pick them, choose them, love them (they immediately disappear if you don’t pick them)

the plot made no sense at all. being a casa girl means we miss out on the first half of the season, but there were many different ways they could've shown what happened before we arrived (it couldve been something as simple as MC watching the show at home or during the jeep ride to the villa. lol) the timeline was inconsistent, so much important information was paywalled, and i’m pretty sure FB was just making shit up as they went along, since the drama with stephen and OG LI's ex genuinely came out of nowhere . he wasn’t previously mentioned in the beach hut, casa amor, nothing . his only purpose was to make the OG girl look bad.

speaking of the OG girls, what a disappointment . before we got to the villa, i honestly thought they were hinting at estelle and/or willow being LIs . even if they were forced to be our rival, they still could’ve had an interesting character arc . it would've been a lot more fun if she was like allegra, rather than OG LI's equivalent of suresh

i was gonna write, "why tf did she even make it to the finale?" but the answer is obvious : for the gem scenes. every damn volume, it's pay diamonds to upstage her, pay diamonds to clapback, pay diamonds so “your man” doesn't turn his head 🙄 it's already stupid enough, but it makes even less sense if you're not pursuing your OG LI

which leads me to the biggest problem of this season, the lack of branching. you're given the illusion of choice, everything leads to the same outcome . i didn't think it could get any worse, until i saw what happens when you choose the money . does your LI storm off? nope. they make you do the treasure hunt anyways...to win you back ??😭 MC should've called security on their ass

s7 had a promising start but ended up being a flop. it was better than s5, but that's really not saying much . i wish FB would just take their time—s1 and 2 had a whole year long gap between them. but it's clear that rushed seasons are gonna be the norm, season 8 is dropping in february . capitalism ruins everything luv x

[its-jaytothemee]

Tonight...And Every Night - Chapter 7

Pairing: Astarion x Tav, Halsin x Tav; Astarion and Tav POVs

Word count: 2,000; Chapter 7, Tav POV

Rating: Mature

Read on AO3

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Summary: Tav fails to convince Astarion to reject the Rite of Profane Ascension and refuses to help him complete it. He leaves her and the party, but regrets his choices later. Angsty and fluffy, POVs from both Astarion and Tav.

Tags: Angst, Fluff, Hurt/Comfort, Spawn!Astarion, Angst w/ Happy Ending

Author's Note: This was inspired by my playthrough where I somehow failed all of the persuasion checks for Astarion after the Cazador fight, leaving me obviously devastated. Much longer chapter incoming!

Tav stood completely still, barely breathing. She blinked a few times, worried that this may be an illusion.

“How long have you been there?” She asked, releasing her held breath.

“Long enough.” Astarion paused. “Did you mean what you said?” He asked quietly.

She continued staring at him, saying nothing.

“When you said you could forgive me.” His voice was soft and hopeful.

“That depends on what you say next.”  Her pain seeped into every syllable of her words. She was barely able to get them out before the tears came back into her eyes. Her fingers dug deeper into Halsin’s hand.

“Fair enough.” He took a deep breath before continuing.

“Tav…I’m…” He paused for a moment and let out a large sigh, “I am so sorry. Words alone will never heal the suffering I caused you today. What I said was unforgiveable, even more so because it was you. You didn’t betray me, I betrayed you. I was blinded with my desire for revenge, I don’t know what came over me…I…” He started to stammer, his eyes darting between her and the ground in front of him.

“You were the first person in two hundred years to show me a shred of compassion, and I was grateful. But I never dared to dream that you could love someone like me. To be perfectly honest, I didn’t even believe that love was real. To me, it was just a fairy tale to help everyone sleep better at night, to keep them hopeful. Then…there was you.” He paused, looking down at his hands, still stained with Cazador’s blood. Tav watched him carefully, watching his expressions and listening closely to the tone of his voice.

“I understand if you never want to see me again,” he continued, lifting his head back up to look into her eyes, “but if you’ll give me one last chance, I promise you I will work to be the person you see in me. I…I want to be someone you can be proud of; I want to be someone who deserves you, Tav. I want to learn to live again – with you if you’ll have me. And if I can’t have that, I would happily start over with you from the beginning, as friends, as travelling companions. I cannot fathom the idea of no longer having you in my life. I’d rather live a thousand years having you as an acquaintance than live another day knowing I could never see your face again.”

Her bottom lip was quivering as the tears kept flowing down her cheeks.  She still couldn’t bring herself to move.

“But know this Tav,” he continued, “if you ask it of me, I will leave. I will find my way back into the shadows, and I will not trouble you again. It would be nothing less than what I deserve. I simply could not have lived with myself if I did not tell you how I feel.” The next breath he took was much shakier, and Tav could see that he was crying now.

“I…I love you, Tav. You didn’t take everything from me, you are everything to me.” When he looked back up to her, his soft, red eyes were a silent plea. The tear streaks on his face tinted with dried blood. She desperately searched his face for any signs of deception, but as far as she could tell he just looked terrified.

Suddenly, a memory came creeping back to her, the dark air around her transforming into swirling shadows.

The camp was silent, Tav couldn’t sleep and had decided to check the fires around the perimeter of camp. She didn’t think she would ever get used to the eerie darkness of these shadow cursed lands. A small whimper from somewhere behind her caused her to jump as she adjusted a torch. Grabbing the dagger at her belt, she slowly worked her way toward the sound. To her surprise, the sound was coming from Astarion’s tent. She stowed her dagger, and quietly pushed her way inside.

“Astarion?” She asked gently, reaching her hand out to rest on his back. Her fingers lightly ran across the slightly raised skin that made up the infernal scars on his back. He startled awake at her touch, breathing heavily.

“Hey, hey, it’s okay. It’s just me.” She tried to keep her voice as soothing as possible.

Even so, the look on his face was one of pure agony. She gave him a moment to process his surroundings. As his breathing slowed and he seemed to recognize that he wasn’t in any danger, he was finally able to speak.

“Oh, hello darling.” He said, still slightly out of breath. “Is something the matter?”

She looked at him, confused.

“No, everything’s okay, I just heard sounds coming from your tent and came to check on you.” She said, trying to avoid upsetting him further.

“Ah…I see…well…” he leaned back, seemingly trying to gather his thoughts, “as you can see I’m perfectly…fine.” He paused for a long moment before the word ‘fine.’ She watched as his face fell again, and she realized that he was afraid.

Tav tentatively reached out to put a hand on his shoulder. He ever so slightly leaned into her touch. She still wasn’t sure how much intimacy he was comfortable with. She didn’t want to push him, but she was aching to hold him, to let him know he was safe. While lost in her thoughts, Astarion suddenly lunged at her, throwing his arms around her waist and squeezing her tight. She returned the gesture, happily. He cried into her shoulders, taking ragged, gasping breaths. His arms were shaking, he desperately clung to her as if she was the only thing anchoring him to this plane. She softly stroked his back and his hair, doing whatever she could think of to try and calm him.

“You’re…you’re alright.” He sobbed into her shoulder.

“Of course I am, I’ve just been in my tent trying to rest.” She continued to hold him tight against her, still slightly confused.

“It…it was Cazador. He had you…” He took a deep gasping breath. “He made me watch as he carved…you were screaming.”

“I’m alright, my love. It was only a dream...” She held his trembling body close to her until his breathing returned to normal.

 Astarion hardly talked about Cazador. From what little she knew, it was easy to tell that he was a masochistic lunatic. What she didn't realize was that even without being able to control him, he was still able to torture Astarion from afar. He haunted his dreams even while miles away, unable to touch him. She knew he had suffered greatly at his master's hands, but just now realized how truly tormented Astarion's soul was as he held her tightly. He didn’t only fear for his own life, but that of anyone he dared to care about.

It was now that she realized that this was going to take a significant amount of time to heal, and that the healing couldn't truly start until Cazador was dead and gone. He would carry the scars of his torment for the rest of his life, constantly reminding him of that time. A pain stabbed at her chest, suddenly anxious that she couldn’t truly help him, that maybe he was too far gone. What could she possibly offer to offset two hundred years of pure malice? She laid him down next to her on the bedroll and held his head to her chest, still stroking his hair.

“Will you stay?” He managed to croak out between his shallow breaths.

“I’m right here with you. I’ll always be right here with you.” She whispered the promise into his ear. She also made another promise, silently. I’ll help you get through this, my love. You’ll live freely again, I promise.

Tav was suddenly back at their camp, the cool evening air was causing small bumps to rise on her arms. She found herself looking back into Astarion’s pleading eyes and faced with another choice.

Her mind was spinning. She never expected that he would actually come back, but was it enough? She kept her gaze locked on him as she thought through their time together. He had come so far, but still had so much further to go. He had used her and manipulated her for his own gain. But he had also dove in front of arrows for her, he stood up for her when others sought to cross her boundaries even though he couldn’t set any of his own. Despite everything, he still followed her, helped her, and believed in her. She knew that he had never known an ounce of leniency or forgiveness in his long life, yet here he was. Trusting and hoping that she would be the first person to give it to him. He knew all too well that she could crush him right here and now. He knew there was a possibility that she would be the proof he needed that he wasn’t worthy of redemption. He had to know that there was a very good chance she would send him away forever. And he still came back.

Yes, she was angry, she was still hurt, but in that moment, she was also so godsdamned proud of him. She thought back to her silent promise, her worry that she had nothing to offer him. Now what she could see as easily as the familiar lines on his face, was that he needed to feel forgiveness. He needed to know that he wasn’t alone, and if he would allow it, he would never have to be again. Halsin’s words rang in her ears, she didn’t want to think of her kindness as a weakness anymore.

She let go of Halsin’s hand and took small steps forward, slowly closing the gap between her and Astarion. Only a couple of steps away now, she was still not fully convinced that this wasn’t all some elaborate illusion. She hesitantly reached out her hand to touch his cheek, just to prove that it was really Astarion standing in front of her. The familiar feel of his cool, smooth skin greeted her fingers. He turned his face into her hand, closing his eyes. With that, she couldn’t hold back any longer.

Tav grabbed Astarion by his cloak and threw her arms around him, burying her face in his neck. It took him a moment for him to hug her back, almost as if he didn’t believe it was happening. She cried into his neck, digging her hands into his back and his hair, trying to pull him closer. He cradled the back of her head, his other hand wrapped around her waist as far as he could reach, holding her as tightly against him as she could be. He lifted her up off the ground slightly as she clung to him.

“You came back.” She choked out between her sobs.

He pulled away slightly so he could grab her face in his hands.

“Of course I came back, my dear. And I’m here to stay.” He crashed his lips into hers, kissing her deeply. She broke away after a moment and pressed her forehead to his.

“Never scare me like that again.” She whispered.

“Never again.” He promised, as Tav wiped away the tears running down his cheeks. She kissed him again, holding his head in place against hers.

She nestled her face back into his neck and stood there in his arms for a few more moments, drinking in his scent. Tav knew there would be difficult conversations to come. They would have to face their spurned companions and even after all his help, she still wasn’t sure about Halsin’s feelings towards Astarion now. For a moment though, she purged the thoughts from her mind and relaxed into him. She allowed herself to be grateful that he found his way back into her arms, hopefully never to leave again.

[bloodsbane]

watching a guy play inscryption and it will never cease to amaze me how often people will blindly struggle with/brute force the tile puzzles. at this point i guess it really is just an issue with the game design? because like

okay what you are supposed to do is get the key from the safe, use it to reveal the puzzles, maybe do the very first one to understand what the puzzles are asking of you, and you get the skink card. the skink card introduces the loose tail sigil, so players don't know what it does until they check in the rulebook or use it in a fight. the very next tile puzzle incorporates skinks and their sigil's mechanics

so what SHOULD happen. is players go "oh well i don't know what that does" and leave the puzzle to either go look it up in the book or go back to playing so they can actually use the card in a fight to SEE how it works

HOWEVER, what happens like 80% of the time is players go " huH?? well what the fuck does this do???" and bang their head against the puzzle for entire minutes until they give up or luck out on the placement and solve the puzzle on accident

and THEN there's two more puzzles, moderately more difficult, that incorporate ANOTHER new sigil, and people will STILL just brute force the damn things. i've seen it happen in almost every single blind playthrough of this game

which is just bonkers to me. at first i thought it was just outright contrarianism or player stubbornness, but idk, maybe it really is at least somewhat the fault of the game's design? imo it wouldn't even matter THAT much except when you unlock the safe and get the key, you also discover the stinkbug card. it's a talking card and her appearance changes depending on your progression, which is tied to the puzzles. i imagine the intended experience is you get the bug/key, do the first puzzle, and either after the first or second one, take a break from the puzzles to do more fights. in the fights, you'll be using the stinkbug, which means you get used to her card's portrait. because of this, you actually notice when her portrait begins to change - but that doesn't happen if you immediately go from the safe to the puzzles and knock them all out in one go! the player has only looked at her portrait for like 10 seconds at that point; by the time they sit down, she'll look totally different and most people will barely register it

it's not a huge or game-breaking problem, but i think it speaks to the fact that it is simply not the intended way to engage with the puzzles... and i, a guy totally baffled by how often this happens, really can't understand why it does, but i suppose something could be done to help mitigate this common occurrence? like maybe if someone fusses with the second/third/forth puzzle for x amount of time, have leshy comment on it, something like "stop fussing with that, we have a game to play" or "having trouble with that little game? maybe you should come learn by playing this one", idk something to give the player an idea that it's somewhat odd to get stuck and they need to search for answers and learn mechanics? even if it ONLY prompts them to actually. check the fucking book ;lsdkjfkjf

anyways. this literally doesn't matter but i have watched enough playthroughs that it is not only a notable trend with how often it happens but has become a huge pet peeve of mine when it does lol

[trulycertain]

Raspberries

This actually takes place sometime after the Underdark. Don't even ask how weird my playthrough order was. Tav/Astarion, about 700 words.

They're a quarter-mile out from the monastery when the call goes up. "Raspberries!" Karlach says, and barrels towards the unsuspecting bush.

Lora lands more in a rapid saunter. She'd like to say she keeps her dignity intact, but by the end, she and Karlach are both red-fingered - more than usual, in Karlach's case - with any of the paint Lora put on her lips this morning long gone, the two of them giggling about flambéd raspberries. ("How do they still taste good after I've got to 'em?" Karlach says, licking heat-exploded fruit off her thumb.) Well, Karlach's giggling. Lora's is more of a cackle. A couple of raspberries quietly pluck themselves from the bush and float through the air to Gale, who gives her a wry, you-caught-me look as he bites into his finds. And Astarion... she expected complaint, and there is a mutter of "I refuse. A passing Death Shepherd might see us," but he seems too glad of a rest to get into full flow. He leans against the trunk of a tree, watching, in a way that invites trite panther metaphors.

Lora's the last to leave, relieved for a moment of quiet, easy joy. Karlach can seem to keep on going forever, can seem to find the hope in anything - might be the engine, but more likely it's just how she is - and Gale is often wry, as relaxed as Lora is but in that way where you're hiding pain. She knows it too well. After a day avoiding traps and lying with her life on the line, something little and stupid and joyous like raspberries might just, for a second, have been the answer to her prayers.

And there's a vampire loitering next to her, a brow raised in a way that's not his usual idle I'm above all this and could be at home enjoying a nice glass of vintage blood, I mean wine. Amusement is creeping in round the edges, the genuine kind rather than the teeth-bared one he so often resorts to. The little creases around his eyes are appearing - the ones that almost make him look like less of an insufferable toff.

"What?" Lora says, and then realises. "Shit. I've missed some, haven't I?" She raises a vague hand to her face, probably without much luck.

"You almost look like one of mine." But there's no sharp edge or hidden dagger in it, just amused... she'd almost call it fondness, if they weren't them. Perhaps a little melancholy mixed in, somewhere deep.

And then there's a pale, half-gloved hand under her chin, tilting her face gently down to him. Astarion's thumb strokes at the corner of her mouth, runs over her lower lip - a moment, soft as a feather, his eyes lingering on her mouth just a little longer than necessary. Her breath catches, stupidly; at that his eyes flick to hers, and a smile tugs at his lips. With the arrogant victory of their first bad decision, and their second, a predatory flash - but she swears for a second there's something... gentler. Truer, maybe, though she's not sure if he does that. And the arrogance is all him, too. But this... It's the thing she sees when he saves her from a dagger in the back, just for the barest moment, or when she lays down to sleep close to him by the fire and there's his confused half-second's hesitation at such ignorant trust. It makes him, somehow, for a half-breath under a shadowed oak tree, handsomer than she's ever seen him.

...Probably just Lora trying to give him more credit than he's due. He'd say as much. She's always had a good imagination.

"There," Astarion says airily, and rubs dark pink between his fingers. He makes a vague gesture to her mouth. "Though I assume you know - whatever paint you wear fled at the beginning of your little diversion."

Just over the rise, Karlach is guffawing, and Gale is saying, "No, I did not mean that Netherese wizards set their trousers aflame, though honestly, that whole regrettable chapter of history might have been much shorter if they had."

"Oh, damn," Lora says, and wipes at her mouth absentmindedly. "Come on."

Just like that, whatever softness was in him is gone, shut behind that idle-toff self-assuredness. They jog to join the others, and she tries to look less like they've been doing... something they absolutely haven't been doing. And that would be a terrible idea, anyway. Astarion's smug enough as it is. He probably doesn't even want -

A very fun bad idea. A one-off. Well, two-off. Absolutely.

[outeremissary]

Oooh how about telling us a little about The Thousand Mile Fall? 👀

Thank you Ash and @bearvanhelsing for asking!

I want to begin by apologizing- I suspect you were looking for Tristian, but this is the single BG3 thing that was on the list. Jay, idk where you stand on discourse game of the year, but Ash, I know that you're not a fan and have been working on distance. I'm placing the rest under a cut. You can read it or not read it. Either thing is fine with me.

As compensation: the one actual Kingmaker ask I got on this (sorry it's not a flashy one), or a PF2e one about Kasander/Asperia.

Still with me? Thank you, I appreciate it!! Let's see to what degree I'm willing to bare my soul before I get too embarrassed and awkwardly trail off.

Ah: DUrge spoiler warning. And content warning: DUrgetash (sorry)

So! The Thousand Mile Fall, something which was only just starting to go beyond planning (and originally planning for a comic) when my laptop committed die. I was really interested in the concept of the Dark Urge as a character who was always framed as having fallen from grace, and who had also fallen from a state of divinity. The liminal state excited me, and we all know how I feel about a horrible someone who's a horrible failure of an angel. Horrible failure of a demigod occupies a similar space. I think the nature of that failure- that fall- began to occupy me quite a bit, since I had a strong concept for Asperia from very, very early on in my playthrough (long before I knew anything besides the DUrge plot besides that they were a Bhaalspawn, even before I had become convinced Kasander and Asperia existed simultaneously) and at the heart of Asperia was someone who was infallible and convinced of their invincibility- maybe rightly so.

So, this story is set only a bit before the game and is meant to unpick the loss of that perfect favor- in my mind, the loss of Asperia's "godhood," something which is stolen twice. The second and definitive loss is of course to Orin in a singular act of violence, but Orin's path to victory was opened by the slow and insidious poison of having known Enver Gortash. In a "the bar is in hell" turn of things, their... acquaintanceship is the closest thing Asperia has ever experienced to a normal relationship and a normal life. And that glimpse of the other side is what unmakes her. It's always been crucial to Asperia's role in the system to be the one who loves being Bhaal's beloved child, who can reconcile anything with belonging, who buys in so fully that it is unthinkable to be less than a god and it is unthinkable to have desires besides those of a god. Others hold the questions, the fear, the other desires- Kasander and Bride especially- but Asperia wants nothing else in life, and Asperia believes with painful, self-destructive fervor.

Asperia has already been acquainted with Gortash for some good while here, the wheels turning in the scheme of the Absolute. This is the longest positive relationship of any kind Asperia has ever had outside of whatever pseudo-parental thing he has with Scleritas, and it has been wonderful: novel, collaborative, a meeting with someone who resembles an equal despite being a mere mortal. Asperia has begun to see other facets of the world through this, to see the ways the world of the living comes together for purposes besides inevitable execution. It's all an act of devotion, all furthering the will of Bhaal, all what Asperia desires and wants to do. But the further it's gone the more it's started to be fun for its own sake too, and a certain fascination with a frenemy has begun to blossom into dangerous fantasies.

Asperia doesn't fantasize. Asperia can't fantasize. Asperia is a god, and he only wants things which are real and deserved. Bhaal's favor is proof of that: Orin's ugly, messy desires make her a worse worshiper, and she's never had their divine father's love. Asperia is Bhaal's beloved. Asperia is defined by her distance from those mistakes. And so too is Asperia the perfect disciple, a being beyond sin. If something is what Asperia wants, then it must be acceptable.

And this is how Asperia begins to lose Bhaal's favor.

Asperia starts the story at a personal high and only rising- with the world at her fingertips and Bhaal's love behind her, she's preparing for the victory lap and has taken an extra prize in becoming more intimately involved with Gortash. But you can't have your cake and eat it too- this impossible personal high the seed of Asperia's ruin, already sown, takes root and begins to grow. Bhaal's perfect killing machine doesn't play house with Bane's Chosen. And there are more than enough people who fucking hate Asperia already and are ready to take note- as well as Gortash himself, so much older and colder than young, sheltered Asperia. There may be some genuine affection there in some form, but calculation and power take precedent, as does the enjoyment of solving this Bhaalspawn puzzle by picking her apart.

Over time the increasingly clear dissonance between the impossible misalignment- the first Asperia has ever experienced- between what they want and what Bhaal allows them to desire and have drives them to spiral into a state of exceptional vulnerability that ultimately allows Orin to usurp them. The escalating stress causes them to lose time more and more frequently, beyond what they can explain away to themself and make disappear, and they begin to doubt themself. To fear what is happening, and to develop their own doubts about Bhaal- things that should live elsewhere, things that cause other parts to bubble up in ways they notice. Asperia is straying and rivals like Orin can see it, is becoming less dependable and reluctant allies like Ketheric can see it, is becoming a less than perfect disciple and that butler shepherd of Bhaal can see it (not that every part was always perfect- Scleritas has always known that "Asperia" is more than just Asperia, and has long pitted Asperia against themself). And Asperia is vulnerable and open and easier and easier to see- and Gortash, who has solved the part of this puzzle Asperia refuses to see quite well, sees it all and drives the spiral deeper. Pulls Asperia closer, and begins to learn the others without letting Asperia know (this is a piece of how Kasander knows Gortash, has known Gortash before anything).

So y'know. It's all heading for inevitable tragedy, heartbreak, ruin, bad feelings, and a tadpole in the head, as well as a shitty asshole boyfriend conspiring with one's sister who has been waiting for ages for the change to REALLY wreck one's shit. Yikes! Feel like not enough was spent on the family drama and that's sold Orin short, but she's played a damn active hand through it all. Sacrificial Orin, always underestimated, always overlooked, always surviving.

I dunno how to conclude this and I feel like I probably talked too long (half just to remember things I can't access until the new laptop arrives and is set up). All in all, just a fun little project to play with while I continue to fail to finish the last teeny bit of the actual goddamn game (I'm the worst at wrapping up the last little dregs of things after I've cleaned up the most fun stuff).

TLDR: Asperia, main character of life, starts to Lose the Plot and gets written out of the story for a little while

[avelera]

I went back to my first truly harrowingly Evil Dark Urge playthrough to grab some screenshots and... got sucked back into playing lol. But the thing is, the most evilest ending has no epilogue and the "reject Bhaal at the last minute instead of at the temple" epilogue is ALSO fascinating and gut-wrenching and harrowing but what I really missed from both runs was getting to see the fruits of her egging everyone on to be their worst possible self, so...

I went back and decided to play it a little differently. I gave Aylin to Ketheric the first time (and then to Larroakan when we defeated him but she was seriously side-eying my evil Durge after, rightfully so, and Durge couldn't leave a powerful threat like that lying around obvs), which sadly loses you Shadowheart so this time I'm going with Dark Justiciar Shadowheart.

I was a little stumped on the RP for it at first, because Zenobia (my Dark Urge) was all about, "Jumping right back into the Dead Three plot from the moment she got even a smidge of memory back," which lent to her siding with Ketheric loyally and basically working with the bad guys at almost every opportunity (except for the very beginning where she was wrong-footed and out of her element so she built up allies by helping the tieflings while she got the lay of the land. She's a big believer in long-term pay off over short-term murderizing. Also, the sadistic pay-off for betrayal is so much greater than that of simply attacking right away.)

But then I decided... heck, let's groundhog day it. Let's go with the time loop or foreknowledge plot, everything I know, my Durge knows now.

Say she had a vision, or was reborn to this moment. She saw all the variations of what's to come. Saw what happens if she sides with her father. Sees what happens if she betrays him at the last moment to destroy the brain, which was a humiliation piled upon humiliation despite her long and faithful years of service.

And she is pissed.

It's starts when she gets chewed out for giving Isobel to Ketheric. She knows she's going to kill the priestess later but for now, this is a valuable tool in showing her trustworthiness to Ketheric, and Bhaal is mad at her?? Because she decided to delay her gratification in pursuit of the larger goal?? And then, then, Bhaal has the audacity to force her to try to kill her friend and former lover, Astarion, as punishment for using her intelligence to pursue the larger goal of the Dead Three plot with some level of cunning and forethought?

She was fucking outraged. Here she's been Bhaal's faithful child, chosen, general, and mortal mastermind for years and her father can't even trust her enough to allow her to exercise the bare minimum of strategy?

And from there, as I see it, Zenobia sees more and more instances of Bhaal just not fucking trusting her with carrying out this plot, which she knows in another lifetime she pulled of spectacularly, but which offered an empty, hollow victory of handing dancing puppets over to Bhaal, ruling in his name instead of her own.

And then, then while confronting Ketheric, Ketheric admits he always planned to betray his allies.

Oh she is seeing red now. Granted, all the Dead Three chosen were planning to betray each other, that's probably a given, except... Gortash wasn't. Gortash was faithful to the end if she was faithful to him. Minthara is faithful to the end. Her companions were.

So it's less that her new chance at life is making her "good" and more that it's showing her the valuable allies she tossed away, the more interesting world she could reside in, in favor of creating a world of mindless murder targets for her equally mindless, idiot father Bhaal. What an imbecile. What an insult that he doesn't give her the barest modicum of trust. What an insult that Ketheric bald-faced tells her that he would throw all of this aside for his own ends, because he's following his own idiot god.

Zenobia is seeing absolute red. Her plan still remains. She will help Gale ascend to godhood and leave the last of his soft-hearted scruples behind. She will help her former lover and friend, perhaps her first true friend, Astarion destroy his master and rise to become a powerful ally. She will deny her lover Minthara the easy win of a kingdom of thralls in favor of the more challenging but satisfying bloody return to the Underdark together. She will aid Shadowheart in becoming a Dark Justiciar. She will tear down each of Lae'zel's gods one by one, from helping to reveal Vlaakith's faithlessness to showing her even Orpheus can become what he despises most, a mindflayer. But now it is not to show them the supremacy of Bhaal but to show them they should cast down all gods. And this time, she will not hold herself separate, no, she will cast Bhaal from her life as well to pursue her own bloody ambitions in a world of true adversaries, not one populated by mindless thralls as he directed her but did not trust her to execute according to her own vision.

[whomst-is-hex]

me favorite pages and their thumbnails n storyboards

first off we got my darling claras intro

fun fact its very faint but i put a small aura of light on every instance of her face to make her reeeeally feel saintly. brings a halo everywhere she goes

couple of obvious changes because my dumbass was making thumbnail pages by hand and forgot that if the shape of the thumbnail's off it can really impact proportions of the frames. so i really had to make some artemy frames bigger and change their shapes. turned out ok tho

next we got Ascending The Evil Stairs

i wanted to make that stairwell as weird as i could. bc on my very very first playthrough, i was on call with my sister. and i went down the stairs and INSTANTLY felt claustrophobic. the blank, narrow walls..... the steep steps..... love it.

i had a lot of trouble trying to make the entrance as dramatic and cautious as possible. in the second panel particularly, i wanted to show danko's hand and artemy approaching behind him. but that felt like it was revealing too much too early, and i figured keeping artemy himself obscured and instead focusing on his little steps and motions would be a better effect

and now for the goddamned fight scene

this bitch was so hard to put together coherently.

so from the beginning, i wanted this page to be frantic. i barely even knew what i was doing in the thumbnail lmfao. but overall, i wanted the frames to just suddenly split apart. because of betrayal, sudden action, whichever you want to see it as. but i made a point to give page 18 those same misaligned frames, when artemy turns his back to daniil. when i moved to storyboard for this page, i was suddenly and violently aware of how inconsistent their positions are if i show their bodies as much as i wanted too in the beginning. they're still confusing, but by focusing on specific parts of the body that translates into the disorientation you feel from an actual fight. i hope

now for these homos and their normal conversations

there were a Lot of changes to this page's dialogue. and in the end i gotta thank @indigo-constellation for knowing an unreasonable amount of latin quotes for me to choose from because God Damn It, he just wasn't speaking enough latin for me to be satisfied.

so the poses for this one are Quite Different if you look closely. this is because my ass originally wanted this conversation to happen on the floor. The whole plan was that Daniil kicks out Artemy's bad leg, but temy manages to redirect the fall so hes still in control. But i realized that i probably dont have the skills to portray that in a way that flows well enough, so i settled with punching him in the face and shoving him on the desk. Same effect really. The punch was a veeeerry late change of plans but I'm glad how it turned out.

i'll probably do more of these once chappy 2 is out because i love talking about my process so yea stay tuned ig

[commentaryvorg]

The Great Ace Attorney Final Trial Commentary: Day 3, Part 3

This is an ongoing mini-commentary covering the final trial of The Great Ace Attorney (Resolve) in line-by-line detail. It’s written from a perspective of already knowing the full truth of things, so there will be spoilers for facts that only get revealed later on in the trial. This is not a commentary to read along with one’s first playthrough!

(The commentary will update on Tuesdays and Saturdays. Check this blog to find any other parts currently posted, and if it’s not yet finished, follow to catch future updates!)

Now that we’re below the readmore, I can add that this isn’t quite a commentary for everything going on in the final trial. It’s focused specifically on Kazuma and what’s going on in his head, only covering things which are relevant to him in some way (for the most part). I already had a lot to say about him in a big analysis post over on my main blog – but I have even more to say about him during the trial in even more detail, so here we are!

We’re past the save point, just after Kazuma’s huge emotional breakdown and without any recess for him to have processed and collected his emotions. But of course he managed to pull himself back together in zero time at all, because Kazuma is nothing if not an expert at bottling things up and appearing Completely Fine.

Kazuma:  “You were there at the time. So you must testify! You have an obligation to tell the truth about what really went on!”

Ghh, Kazuma is still so desperate here. He knows that Mikotoba’s testimony is his only remaining chance to prove that things really were fabricated and his father was innocent.

(He’s probably also feeling some kind of way about the realisation that Mikotoba, his guardian, has had an eyewitness account this whole time that could prove his father’s innocence, and he never talked about any of it to Kazuma. If only Mikotoba had told Kazuma the truth of what really happened to his father… or if only Kazuma had found the courage to confront him about it once he received that letter.)

--- Testimony 4 ---

(As a reminder, I’m using different testimony-numbering to the game’s chapter select, because the chapter select bizarrely treats it as if day 2 and day 3 are one continuous day, when they are not. Add two to these numbers to match those in the chapter select.)

Kazuma:  “No indication…? NOTHING to suggest fabrication?!”

Ugh, Kazuma’s so worked up at the fact that Mikotoba didn’t immediately go “yeah it was totally sus”. Of course he wasn’t going to say that! If the fabrication was that obviously apparent, he would have said something ten years ago, Kazuma!

I’m sure nobody in the judiciary watching this is feeling at all suspicious of the fact that the judge starts chuckling evilly at this. Stronghart, please.

Stronghart:  “You claim the inspector confessed just before his death. But that… THAT is the fabrication!” Kazuma:  “No! He freely acknowledged it! I swear he did!” Stronghart:  “Freely? With the tip of a sword at his throat? The man was clearly at his wits’ end.” Kazuma:  “…!” Stronghart:  “The court will give no credence to this ‘confession’ that was uttered in obvious desperation.”

Whoops. Kazuma is beginning to see just how unhelpful of a plan threatening Gregson was. Stronghart isn’t even trying to argue that Kazuma could be making up what he heard, but simply that Gregson’s confession means nothing when it was given under threat. If Kazuma hadn’t been so desperate as to resort to threats, maybe he’d have more of a leg to stand on here!

For the record, I highly doubt that Gregson only confessed because he was desperate and at his wits’ end at all. Based on his demeanour that we see in the flashback, he seemed barely bothered by Kazuma’s threats – perhaps he would have told Kazuma just as much even if a sword hadn’t been pointed at him. But of course, because the court doesn’t have an actual flashback and only has Kazuma’s word on what happened, it’s very easy for those in the courtroom to imagine that Gregson might have been only confessing out of fear and desperation, simply telling Kazuma what he clearly wanted to hear.

Ryunosuke:  “I have the right to cross-examine every witness after testimony. And I fully intend to exercise that right!” Kazuma:  “Ryunosuke…”

Kazuma is so glad that his friend is this determined. Stronghart was about to declare things closed without a cross-examination, but no, Ryunosuke is going to probe into this further, as much as he possibly can, and Kazuma is so, so thankful for that. He really wouldn’t be able to do any of this without Ryunosuke here.

Ryunosuke:  “You, you couldn’t say?” Mikotoba:  “No, sadly not.” Kazuma:  “But then you couldn’t say there wasn’t any indication either, could you?” Mikotoba:  “……… No, true, I couldn’t.”

Kazuma’s comment comes across as so desperate… but really, it’s exactly what Mikotoba was trying to hint at and hoping to have the opportunity to point out! Mikotoba was strictly ordered to avoid any supposition, but thanks to Kazuma’s insistence, we’re able to establish that Mikotoba wasn’t watching the entire procedure and that fabrication was possible!

Stronghart:  “Genshin Asogi confessed to all of his crimes upon his arrest. He admitted to having taken the lives of all five members of the aristocracy.” Kazuma:  “Argh!”

Kazuma does not enjoy being reminded that his father confessed to all the murders. Why on earth would he have done that? His father wouldn’t lie!

(I have no doubt that Kazuma’s particular insistence on never telling a direct lie comes from principles he learned from his father.)

Gorey:  “…but they did find an amazing piece of evidence. Something unbelievable!” […] Kazuma:  “Come on, Dr Gorey! What was it?”

It’s kind of interesting how Kazuma has to desperately demand this piece of information from Maria, because it’s not in the autopsy report. The report we read in the Court Record only states that “vital evidence” was found in the victim’s stomach, and not what it was. No doubt this vagueness was on purpose of Wilson, so that it would be impossible for anyone reading the autopsy report alone to notice what was contradictory about the evidence, if they didn’t know it was a really pointy ring that should have left abrasions on the throat.

Kazuma:  “M-My father’s ring… was inside the victim’s stomach?”

Kazuma reacts in shock to this, perhaps at the fact that this really does seem to indicate the killer must have been his father. Not only does the autopsy report not state specifically what kind of object the vital evidence was, it doesn’t even explain why it implicated Genshin – that it was one of his belongings. Hearing this here, without any time to think through the details and find the contradiction, it must feel to Kazuma like maybe his father really did do it.

Or, perhaps, he’s simply having a visceral reaction to the fact that one of his father’s precious possessions that he remembers from sixteen years ago was found in such a grisly place.

Mikotoba:  “It wasn’t on his hand, of course. Moreover… there were deep abrasions on his finger where it had been pulled off.” Van Zieks: ……… Mikotoba:  “…They arrested the man there and then, right before my eyes.” Kazuma:  “How could they?!”

Oh, Kazuma. It’s really pretty apparent why they would arrest Genshin, under those circumstances! But he’s just having an instinctive reaction to the image of his father being handcuffed and arrested that Mikotoba’s account has conjured into his head. Guhh, this poor kid who adored his father more than anything. How could they do anything bad to him, how dare they.

Van Zieks’s pointed silence here is also interesting. Perhaps it’s there to imply that he’s beginning to consider the possibility of how Genshin’s ring was really pulled off his finger, if things were in fact a fabrication.

Stronghart:  “After further investigations by Scotland Yard, the man admitted to his crimes.” Kazuma:  “That’s a lie! My father was no killer! Barok van Zieks! It was you! You twisted the truth to suit your purposes!”

Hhhh, Kazuma. This bit comes from pressing van Zieks’s one statement in this testimony, but even then, it comes across as pretty uncalled-for that Kazuma goes from hearing again that his father confessed, right into blaming it all on van Zieks, which is several steps away from the point right now. Kazuma just cannot remotely wrap his head around how or why his father would ever have ended up confessing (it can’t be that he actually did it – but he wouldn’t lie, either), so in his inability to resolve that, his mind just reflexively defaults to the usual no it’s all van Zieks’s fault, it has to be.

(It’s fun how Kazuma is fanatically blaming van Zieks as a deflection from the idea that his father might have been the killer. A very similar kind of deflection is also the reason that van Zieks so furiously latched onto blaming Genshin for his brother’s death, so that he didn’t have to consider the far worse alternate possibility.)

I would say it’s notable that Kazuma’s still very much thinking that it’s van Zieks even though it’s now been suggested that it might actually be Stronghart and a part of him earlier seemed to be recognising the logic of that possibility… but then, this particular thought process of his definitely has absolutely zero logic involved.

Props to Maria for insisting on bringing the ring here so that we can see just how pointy it is, despite that she apparently wasn’t supposed to! She is a good, wanting to do better than her mother did.

Ryunosuke:  “That the ring was never in the victim’s stomach to begin with! It’s entirely feasible that Dr Wilson fabricated that detail about the autopsy!” Kazuma:  “What are you saying?! That Dr Wilson…”

It’s remarkable that Kazuma reacts with surprise here. You’d think, being more desperate than anybody else for the autopsy to have been fabricated, that he’d have already been imagining that Dr Wilson did just that with the ring, and so Ryunosuke asserting as much shouldn’t be surprising to him. But instead, it seems like he’s somehow one step behind Ryunosuke. Perhaps he still is caught up on the notion that his father confessed for some reason and the ring was in the victim’s stomach, and these things are making him subconsciously fear that maybe it was all true, such that he isn’t thinking along the lines of how to prove the fabrication like Ryunosuke is.

Ryunosuke:  “This evidence… right here.” Kazuma:  “That’s the autopsy report!”

Again, Kazuma seems one step behind Ryunosuke – like it never occurred to him to think about how he could possibly prove that the ring wasn’t actually swallowed by Klint.

Mikotoba:  “That’s precisely why I had my doubts about the findings myself ten years ago.” Kazuma:  “Then why didn’t you say something at the time?!”

Oh, Kazuma. Why didn’t Mikotoba, his trusted guardian, stop his father being killed if he had the opportunity to do so after all? Of course he would have tried, Kazuma. Genshin was his friend.

Wilson:  “Doctor Mikotoba, may I remind you… that I have vastly more experience than you.” Mikotoba:  “I’m, I’m terribly sorry.” Wilson:  “I can think of plenty of ways to explain why no injuries would be seen.”

Nonetheless, it’s still tragic that Mikotoba didn’t try harder to protest what he knew was suspicious. He could have challenged Wilson to explain those supposed ways it wouldn’t have left an injury! He could even have presented it not as a challenge, but just as an “I’d like to learn more from your expertise” kind of thing! But alas, that Japanese politeness, and perhaps Mikotoba just being kind of meek in personality, led to him lying down and accepting it even though he knew something was off.

(Genshin, meanwhile, was a determined and stubborn enough person that he’d absolutely have questioned this further if he’d been in Mikotoba’s shoes. But then, Genshin being someone who didn’t bow to his superior telling him “shut up, you’re wrong, I know better than you” when things were suspicious is exactly why he ended up confronting Klint himself and sealing his own fate.)

Kazuma:  “So I was right! Dr Wilson deliberately fabricated the results of the autopsy to implicate my father!”

Oh, Kazuma. Despite being one step behind Ryunosuke just now, as soon as he understands what they’re getting at, of course he’s the first one to jump to insisting that this proves his father was framed.

Van Zieks: “…of Genshin Asogi saving my life.” Kazuma:  “What?! My, my father… saved YOUR life?”

Aaa, of course Kazuma can’t believe the notion that his father would do that. Van Zieks is the monster who would go on to kill him! His father saving such a man is backwards!

Or perhaps, the fact that his father apparently considered van Zieks someone worth protecting suggests to Kazuma that maybe he’s not a monster after all, which goes against everything he’s trying to cling to.

Van Zieks proposes the possibility that the thugs who attacked him that night were actually out to steal Genshin’s ring in order to frame him, and…

Kazuma:  “Objection!” [he slams his bench in anguish] Kazuma:  “You… you pathetic coward… You expect me to believe that you weren’t involved?”

On some level here, Kazuma must be beginning to accept that van Zieks can’t have been. If this really was the one chance the conspirators had to frame Genshin by stealing his ring, and it was done through an apparent attack on van Zieks… of course van Zieks himself wouldn’t have been in on that. And it’s clear from the van Zieks here right now that he genuinely only just realised the significance himself. He’s not making this up. It’s not him, and it never was.

But… Kazuma doesn’t know how to deal with that realisation. He’s been clinging to his hatred of van Zieks for so, so long as the only thing keeping him going throughout his grief. What on earth is he supposed to do with all this pain if he can’t hate the man any more?

Kazuma:  “It was you, wasn’t it? You’re the one who took it. You stole my father’s ring!”

He’s saying this, but there’s none of the fierce conviction and vitriol that there’s always been before now. He just looks lost and desperate, and pleading. It has to be van Zieks, doesn’t it? He needs it to still be van Zieks.

Kazuma:  “You set the whole thing up so you could paint him as a mass murderer and have him arrest—”

Kazuma does a finger-point animation here, but something about the way it’s framed – perhaps something to do with the subtle screen flashes and shakes that there always are (or a lack thereof) – makes it feel like there’s absolutely no force in it this time. He’s just emptily going through the motions, not truly believing in it any more, but he doesn’t know what to do if this isn’t the truth.

Ryunosuke:  “Objection! Kazuma… open your eyes.” Kazuma:  “R-Ryunosuke?” Ryunosuke:  “You must know deep down… The truth can be completely obscured even when your judgement is only slightly clouded. But at the moment… you seem to be floundering through a dense fog.” Kazuma:  “…!”

Ryunosuke has of course known all along that Kazuma’s emotions have been clouding his judgement. (Well, to some extent, though he never quite picked up on just how twisted some of his earlier arguments were.) But it looks like he’s able to see here, based on Kazuma’s demeanour, that he might finally be receptive to being told this! Kazuma very much doesn’t seem to truly believe it’s van Zieks any more, so this is the perfect time for Ryunosuke to reach out to him and try to help him see just how misguided he’s being.

Kazuma’s reaction certainly suggests that he’s listening. From anyone else, he might not have – but this is Ryunosuke, the friend he trusts more than anyone.

Ryunosuke:  “Is that why you were so insistent I should be present in this trial? To see you like this?” Kazuma:  “………”

I strongly suspect that the a lot of the real reason Kazuma insisted on Ryunosuke being here was, on a very not-consciously-acknowledged level, precisely for what he’s doing right now! A part of him always knew that he might have been wrong about van Zieks, and in that event, that buried part of him trusted Ryunosuke to be able to see that and prove van Zieks’s innocence to him – to pull Kazuma off this path of vengeance before it was too late. I like to think that Kazuma’s silence here is him finally letting himself consciously acknowledge that this is what he wanted Ryunosuke here to do.

Meanwhile, Stronghart is chuckling evilly, because Kazuma’s obvious over-emotional desperation is making it very easy to argue that he just made the whole fabrication thing up and missed the obvious “contradiction” in it. Said contradiction being: that Genshin didn’t try to contest the fabrication in court and confessed to the crimes willingly.

Stronghart:  “Your twisted loyalty and clouded judgement are hampering your ability for logical thought.” Kazuma:  “Argh!”

Interestingly, this is the part that Kazuma reacts to most strongly – not the reminder that his father quietly accepted the verdict, but the notion that his emotions have been hindering him. Kazuma really does care in principle about being fair and diligent and logical in his approach to cases, and thanks to Ryunosuke’s words, he’s realising just how horribly far from that he’s been in this trial.

Stronghart:  “There was no fabrication of evidence during the autopsy of his final victim ten years ago!” Ryunosuke:  “AAAAAAAAAAAAGH!”

And it’s Ryunosuke, not Kazuma, who reacts violently to Stronghart shooting down their argument. He ends up with his head in his hands, despairing, but Kazuma…

Kazuma:  “Objection! Thank you, Ryunosuke. If it wasn’t for your frank words just now… this trial may very well have ended prematurely.”

He’s managed to figure something out, all thanks to Ryunosuke talking him down from his emotions and making him realise he needs to look at things more objectively! They are friends.

I also love how quickly Kazuma’s able to turn himself around like this. There really was always a buried part of him that suspected he was wrong about van Zieks and wanted to do this better, and all it took was his friend talking some sense into him for him to be able to push aside his emotions and act on that more logical side of himself, like he always should have been.

Kazuma:  “You claim that my father’s silence was due to the fact that there was no fabricated evidence. But there’s another possible explanation. You’ve overlooked the possibility that he had a reason for maintaining that silence!”

This is not a line of logic Kazuma would have been able to think through if he’d still been letting his emotions drive him. He truly believes in his father as a paragon of justice and integrity who would never lie, and never engage in any kind of underhanded deals. From that perspective, the question of why his father would ever confess to crimes he didn’t commit just makes his mind short circuit and think about something else.

But if Kazuma approaches this logically, unemotionally, just thinking about why somebody in that position might give a false confession… there is actually a possible reason that he can argue for here. He still doesn’t like to believe that his father would do such a thing, but he’s putting that emotional thought aside for now to focus on the facts.

Van Zieks:  “If the autopsy results were an invention, there’s no conceivable reason why the man wouldn’t have protested!” Kazuma:  “Objection! Oh, those results were an invention alright. There’s no question of that. Or are you forgetting that two people with a connection to that autopsy have been assassinated?”

And look at him being so confident about this! Up until just now, Kazuma was floundering every time Stronghart tried to insist that the fabrication wasn’t real – but now that he’s got his head on straight, he’s able to find the perfect argument as to why it has to have been real. Not one that’s based on his emotional belief in his father’s innocence, but one based on objective facts that he can cite. Look at him go! He’s actually good at this after all!

Kazuma:  “If I force the grievances I feel from my mind… I start to see you in a very different light. I think perhaps it’s you who’s been living in delusion these ten years.”

Look at him empathising with van Zieks! He’s seeing him as a person who’s suffered and had his view of the truth twisted by grief and hatred and denial just like Kazuma has! It really is remarkable how quickly Kazuma was able to turn around and realise this – which just goes to show that there was always a part of him capable of seeing that van Zieks is in fact a human being. It’s just that he’s finally listening to that part of him now, instead of fervently shutting it away.

(Although, really, Kazuma, it’s both of you who’ve been deluded in one way or another for ten years. Acting like it’s only van Zieks and not you after all sure is some projecting.)

Van Zieks:  “M… Me…?”

Oh no, van Zieks, he’s so defensive about this – but of course, there’s always been a buried part of him deep down that suspected it wasn’t actually Genshin, and if it wasn’t Genshin, then it must have been—

Ryunosuke:  “…it led to his escape. An escape that was only possible because he’d been sentenced to death.” Kazuma:  “Although I find it hard to believe my father would have negotiated in that way… the defence is correct.”

Aww, Kazuma. He still does believe in his father and at least wants to mention that fact… but he’s no longer letting it stop him from following the logic of what evidently happened.

Kazuma:  “The prosecution wishes to summon new witnesses to the stand!” Stronghart:  “Witnesses?” Kazuma:  “People who can testify about the jailbreak that took place ten years ago.” Ryunosuke:  “Ah!”

And look at Ryunosuke being surprised – he’s the one who’s one step behind now! Kazuma had already thought all of this through and realised that he was going to have to call these witnesses, probably as soon as he objected earlier. He really is on top of things, finally!

[theluckywizard]

In the Shattering of Things, Ch. 56: The Stunt

Chapter Summary: The Inquisition crew needs a plan to reclaim Caer Bronach from the bandits or wait until reinforcements arrive. Rose and Hawke have just the idea. Fic Summary: Lady Rose Trevelyan's idle, aristocratic life blinks out in a haze of irrelevance when the breach destroys the Conclave. She may be soft and coddled when she joins the Inquisition, but there's a fierceness inside her she's yet to fully recognize. Armed with only a few relevant skills and the mark that makes her a legend, she is thrust onto a path delivering hope where it’s long been scorched away and finds comfort in the grumpy, handsome stick in the mud charged with her protection and training. As she stumbles her way across southern Thedas, she begins to realize she's tangled at the center of machinations she barely understands, and she's not alone in that. Enter Hawke. Excerpt below the jump ⏬

“Are we insane?" I ask, "I have a sneaking suspicion that everyone going to look at this plan and quit the Inquisition.”

“It’s a little insane. But sometimes the best plans are. And if we can round them up, this one will work."

“Awfully confident, Hawke,” I say, passing him a doubtful look. He tilts an eyebrow at me, holding back a smile, his head propped against his fist again. 

“You’re going to have work on your face if we’re going to sell this plan. It’s dead in the water if you look like that.”

“And what look is that?”

“That look. Anxious skepticism.”

“I want to believe it will work. I do. I’m just— lives are on the line.”

“Trust me,” he says, “I have no interest in you buying into my legend generally, but this one time. Just this once. Buy it. I won’t let you down, Rose.”

“I’m starting to understand how you convinced so many people to follow you on your perfectly unhinged plots,” I tell him.

“I own I am very good at that. For better or for worse. And they’re all still alive as far as I know.”

Read the rest here

Start the Fic Here

DAFF Tag List:

@warpedlegacy | @rakshadow | @rosella-writes | @effelants | @bluewren | @breninarthur | @ar-lath-ma-cully | @dreadfutures | @ir0n-angel | @inquisimer | @crackinglamb | @nirikeehan | @oxygenforthewicked | @mogwaei | @exalted-dawn-drabbles | @melisusthewee | @blarrghe | @agentkatie

Screencaps from my latest Rose and Hawke playthroughs!

[bucketinyourwalls]

2!Postal Dude Headcanons <3

Summary:

With this version of 2!Postal Dude consists of a mix of my own projections, random stuff I thought of whenever bored, and just how I generally see him. Based on my first run with him, and a mix of the wiki. Anyone that wants to add these to their own lists feel free! :D

General:

Goofy as hell. Still just as insane as the others, but takes it all less seriously.

Either has a list or small journal he carries on him all the time just filled with one-liners, also carries a pen so he can write down any new ones he thinks of.

Fucking dumbass.

Not the smartest guy around, but also not the dumbest. Decent knowledge with some things.

Sometimes pretends to be a full on moron just to annoy the person, or piss them off depending on if it's someone he likes or hates.

Knowledgeable in some subjects, but only if it’s something he has a genuine interest in.

Random hyperfixation on things. Tries to keep himself focused on one or two things at a time and tries to balance everything out, but always fails.

Favorite aesthetics consist of cyberpunk, post-apocalyptic, feralcore, bastardcore, and post-punk.

Feral bastard.

Bites people. Started out as a joke but was slowly integrated into his life.

Humor’s all over the damn place. Mix of whatever he can find on Tumblr and shows like South Park and Beavis and Butthead.

Has a Tumblr and Twitter account. Both just so he can watch everything unfold and doesn’t bother to post anything.

Following list for Twitter mostly consists of gimmick accounts, some of it wholesome, and others being shit he just decided was funny.

Personality built around others' perception of him, whether people he actually knows or just those on the internet. 

Personality changes often, but keeps certain aspects for each one.

Bit of a people pleaser.

Mood is always randomized for each day. One day he could be the most calm and patient man in Paradise, and the next he could go on a massacre.

Mood really depends on his morning. Slight inconveniences do have the potential to fuck it all up if there was a major one before, but not on their own.

Very patient with people when younger, but that patience has slowly degraded over the years.

Would never snap at anyone when younger, maybe a few passive aggressive comments.

But now with the degraded patience, much more prone to snapping at people.

Animal lover. Always making sure Champ gets pets and food before he goes off to do his errands and will do his best to take care of strays.

After the beginning cutscene near the start of the game with him kicking Champ for pissing in front of him felt a fuck ton of guilt for the rest of the day. After he got home made sure to do his best to make it up to Champ through whatever means necessary.

Type of video games that he plays is a healthy mix of horror such as Silent Hill and Resident Evil, indie games like Cult of the Lamb and Hollow Knight, and of course shooter games like DOOM and the Call of Duty series.

For Cult of the Lamb he definitely named the cult after himself. Once tried to mod the game himself to add in or replace the decorations to better fit himself but that never ended up happening.

Just about grew up with horror. During highschool he had a fake ID so he could see the Rated R movies without having to bring an adult with him, or would just sneak in (and get caught).

Holds the DOOM series close to his crack-filled heart, with his favorite being the 1993 DOOM as a mix of nostalgia and everything that could be done. Always discovering new secrets on every playthrough.

Probably plays Call of Duty a bit less than the others, and mostly consists of him playing online and just insulting everyone since it’s fun to see their reactions. Barely pays attention to any of the campaigns.

Bisexual and Pangender <3

Age being 27 during the events of Postal 2 (no clue if he has a canon age so for the time being I’m sticking to that).

Music:

Mostly metal and rock.

Korn, Avenged Sevenfold, Rob Zombie, Dope, Limp Bizkit, Skillet, Seether, Slayer, etc.

Favorite songs with them consisting of: “Y’all Want a Single?” by Korn, “Rollin (Air Raid Vehicle” by Limp Bizkit, and “6 Gun Quota” by Seether.

Also has a few other songs in there that seem much out of place, either because he thought it’d be funny or just from him genuinely enjoying them.

Few examples being the “Bisexual Anthem” by Domo Wilson, “Material Girl” by Saucy Santana, “Masquerade” by siouxxie sixxta, ect.

Sings in the shower, most of the time keeps it quiet but will sing loudly as hell just to drive people crazy.

Cannot be trusted with the aux cord.

God help you if you’re on a road trip and he gets a hold of the cord.

Credits:

Credit for both dividers go to @kawaii-lau, after a bit of scrolling finding some dividers saw that they had some cool stuff, so check them out! <3