#still made a few errors on this one but it looks a lot more neat

[strayknight]

successfully made a charm of barb :)

[dcartcorner]

It's a very busy weekend over here, so I don't have a lot of time to do art! Instead, please accept this little fic based on the ghost!Peter and witch!Simon art. It's still a work in progress! And standard disclaimer writing is not my forte! -holds up peter and simon and elias- i just think they're neat. Apologies for any errors ^^

(Edit: Can be found on Ao3 as well)

Something Wicked (WIP) Characters: Simon Fairchild, Peter Lukas (more to come, including Elias Bouchard) Ship: None for now, but eventual FoggySkies (potential Simon/Peter/Elias? Who knows!) Warnings: none

There was a house in the middle of the woods. It was an old thing, with vines crawling up and over its walls and its arches, nestled between the tall, gloomy pines. It was entirely out of place, and yet looked like it could not have possibly belonged anywhere else. It was abandoned and had been abandoned for a long time - so said the nearby townsfolk who knew of it as a local legend - and saw as little sunlight as it did travellers. Peter knew of this house because it was where he lived, insomuch as ghosts lived anywhere at all. 

His ship, he recalled, had crashed along the rocky shores not too far away, and he’d wandered unknowingly into the woods, searching for help. He was not sure when, precisely, he realized he was dead. But it wasn’t as shocking as it perhaps should have been. 

Though, if pressed for a precise moment it became apparent to him he was no longer counted amongst the strictly living, he might have said it was when he came to the house and raised his hand to knock on the dark oak door, and his knuckles passed straight through, followed by his hand, and his wrist. He was not sure what he thought he should have felt, but he had to admit that a not-insignificant part of him felt relieved. No more people, no more eyes watching him, no more need for social niceties and exhausting daily interactions. It was peaceful, and, well, there was nothing he could rightly do about it in the end. So, he decided he would enjoy the solitary afterlife, and that would be that. 

After determining as much, he went inside, looking for nothing in particular, and he explored what he resolved would be his new home. 

He had not expected to find another body in it. But there it was, lying on a settee in what would have reasonably been considered a solarium if not for the dense covering of trees that smothered the windows above and all around. Peter paused and watched the unmoving body. A small figure, and old in appearance. Age must have claimed him. Peter suspected that other people might have felt sorry for this person if they found him like that, but Peter considered him quite lucky in his demise. It seemed peaceful enough, at least, and lonely. Peter stepped nearer, taking a closer look, and as he looked he wondered what the difference was - between passing over entirely or lingering on as a ghost. What made it so that this man rested there with no spirit, and he was left wandering the woods? That was, he supposed, one of the great questions of the universe. 

The answer to this question, however, would come to him very shortly after that thought crossed his mind, as he was watching the face of this stranger. Suddenly, the stranger opened his eyes. 

Peter reeled backwards. He watched as the man blinked a few times, as if waking from a daydream. 

“Oh,” the man said when sky blue eyes turned to Peter. “Hello.”

Peter froze.

“Now, now. No need to be shy,” the man said, sitting up with a huff and rolling his wrists. They cracked. “You are in my house, after all. I have to imagine it’s to see me. Don’t get many visitors otherwise. I’m not entirely sure why.” A chuckle. “But there you have it.” Still, Peter said nothing. “Well, if you’d like the short of it: no, there is nothing I can do for your condition. Dead is dead, isn’t it. Well, except for when it’s not. But you are dead. Dead, dead. The sort of dead that can’t be fixed.  Terribly sorry.”

And that was how Peter met Simon Fairchild. Which was to say, against his will.

Then again, he supposed that was how he’d met most people in his life.

The man stood up and adjusted one of his cuffs. “Do feel free to stay as long as you’d like. Ghosts make for good guests. Less trouble than werewolves, let me tell you. After the last time I said to myself, I said, ‘Simon, no more taking in strays. You’re too busy for that.’” He sighed amenably. “Never take my own advice, it seems. 

“You can see me?” Peter asked, because he did not know how else to contribute to the conversation the man - Simon - seemed insistent on having. 

“Oh, yes,” replied Simon, moving past Peter to a globe bar. “You spend long enough Looking, you end up seeing quite a bit.”

“And… you can hear me?” Peter asked.

Simon looked over his shoulder at Peter. “Oh, yes. You spend long enough Listening, you end up-”

“I… understand,” Peter said, holding up his hand to stop him. 

Simon smiled, and turned back to his task of pouring himself a drink. “I’d offer you one, but it wouldn’t do you much good. One of the very great misfortunes of ghostliness. So, what’s your name? How did you turn up in my neck of the woods?” There was a pull in Simon’s words. Something… compelling, which gave Peter pause, for he’d felt such a thing a long time ago. Perhaps that was why he was able to ignore the question. 

“Are you a witch?” he asked instead, for that was what his mother had been, and she’d often used that same sort of compelling way of speaking to get her way in the house, and those were unhappy times.

Simon paused and slowly glanced over at Peter, smile faltering in surprise. Then a huff of breath that sounded like a chuckle. “That’s what they call me over in Scrimshaw, at least,” he said, “amongst other things.” He lifted the drink - something golden and dark - to his lips and watched Peter with eyes through which the sky seemed to fall. “Doesn’t much stop them from demanding potion and poultice and miracle cure-alls whenever I drop by.” He put on a voice and went on, “‘Look there, a witch for the fire!’ they say. ‘Oh but first, kind witch, mightn’t you help me with this rash? Come for tea, I’ll tell you all about it.’” He sighed in a long-suffering sort of way and resumed his normal tone, saying, “Makes you wonder, doesn’t it.”

It didn’t, but Peter did not say as much. 

“So, must I ask you again for your name?” Simon inquired. 

“Depends on what you want it for,” Peter replied. 

“My, my, but you are a quick one, aren’t you?” Simon said. As he did, there was a ruckus and a great, black raven flew into the solarium from a doorway behind Peter, and landed itself atop a crooked perch. It looked down at Simon with a glassy eye that reminded Peter of volcanic stone. Simon ignored it. “Close encounter with a witch before?”

“My mother,” Peter supplied. 

Simon clicked his tongue. “Ah,” he said. “Very sorry. Well, you have my word, it’s for nothing more than satiating my own curiosity.”

That seemed well and good, and so he said, “Peter Lukas. Captain… Peter Lukas. Of the Tundra.”

“Captain,” Simon repeated with what Peter thought might have been a hint of delight in his voice. “Not very often I get to meet a captain. How wonderful. That was your wreck on the northern shore, then? Horrible disaster. One has to wonder how something so dreadful came to be.”

“There was a fog,” Peter said. He looked up at the raven. It did not seem to notice him in the same way that Simon noticed him.

Simon’s smile vanished. “A fog,” he repeated, and he was silent for a long moment, thinking about something. “I see…”

Peter took this silence as a mark against his character, and so he frowned, brows furrowing together, as he said. “It was unnatural. Fog like that, not the best sailor in the world could have found their way out of it.”

Simon blinked slowly. “Ah, no. No, no, you mustn’t think I’m slandering you.  The fog is quite… unique, in these parts. Has a will of its own, you might say. I dare say there was nothing you nor any soul upon your ship could have done to prevent the outcome.”

“Hm.” Peter was satisfied enough with that. 

Simon put his drink down. The raven quwork-ed. “I do hate to cut this introduction short,” he said, and he seemed… wary. Though of what, Peter couldn’t say. The mention of the fog seemed to have soured his mood. “But there’s a… house call, I should make.” The smile flickered across Simon’s face again. “Make yourself at home. I’m sure you’ll need some time to become… acquainted with your new situation.” He began to move towards the door with a speed Peter would not have expected of someone of Simon’s age. “Happy haunting.” And with that, he was gone. 

Peter stood in the solarium for a good long while, watching where Simon had left before he turned his gaze about the room and to the trees outside, watching the mists dancing through the pines. And, with nothing else to do but wander, so he went, and began to learn the halls of the house in the woods. All things considered, it was hardly the worst sort of afterlife. 

[decamarks]

Have you ever thought of making an actual game? Even a little one?? Your 'Atom Amulet' art and gif look soooo good they legit fooled me for a bit when I first looked at them into thinking they were from a real game! Your enjoyment and respect for glitches and games as a medium is really neat, and tbh I'm super curious what you'd make! As someone who actually played a few weird old PS1 and computer games as a kid, sooo many attempts at 'retro low-poly style' games I see always break my immersion when I can see like.. too much anti-aliasing, too many things rendered in real time instead of prerendered (not extremely subtle stuff like raytracing or font choice, which gave away Petscop to a few incredibly observant people lol), etc.. part of the charm of old 3D games is devs clearly trying extremely hard to work with limitations of disc space and RAM! No one's cutting corners! Also the design for Atom Amulet's character is the kind I've been wanting to see SO badly in modern-retro games.. no one ever goes for 'rounded little creature guy who looks a little wonky' designs like you see in Creatures or SHEEP because they think it's too ugly! But it looks COOL! And that's part of why it really seemed like an actual old game to me at first.. I like your blog and art, your passion for games and glitches is really inspiring! Nice job on the animation and 3D art!

AHHHHH THANK YOU SO MUCH ANON ;__; This made me really happy to read... Trust me, I have daydreamed extensively about the kind of games I'd like to make, so I've definitely got ideas for stuff like that. Animation and 3D art in general is my main focus right now though, since I've got a lot I want to create, and still a LOT to learn as well, LOL. I would probably be most interested in making a game with a small team or creative partner, since even small games can be incredibly taxing to create and I'd prefer not to mentally and/or physically implode. (My main problem is mostly finding those people... I'm not good at initiating this kind of thing.)

Anyway, I absolutely agree on being kinda disinterested in a lot of 'retro low-poly' aesthetics, just because they feel too divorced from the actual technology that gave the style a reason to exist in the first place. That's not to say at all I think this style should exist in a chronological vacuum, or that it shouldn't be iterated upon with modern technology, but that it just looks too clean too often, too streamlined! I don't want that! I want WONKINESS!!!

I don't think it's necessarily a fear of this sort of 'ugliness', or at least not always—it's more so that this wonkiness can be sometimes hard to achieve at all. Like. Hold on. I could write stupid poetical paragraphs about this concept, but I think this post sums it up 10,000 times better than I ever could.

The primary function of a comic is to tell a story that is best shown through the format of sequential images. So you might expect that anything made for a primarily visual medium must look 'good' to be effective, right? But it doesn't; MS Paint's ugly palettes and pixelated pens only serve to amplify the expressiveness in this image. It looks silly and simplistic, and that's exactly why it works. Whether this was intended by the artist is irrelevant. It's effective not despite its strange, subtle stiltedness, but because of it.

It reminds me of this post about animation by PilotRedSun, which I think about a lot:

I’ve learned a bit of animation fundamentals, branched out to other styles . . . but I still adhere to the rule that every animation on my channel should have a dysfunctional aspect to it. When an animation contains an error, it distracts the viewer. Thus when an animation is composed of errors, it mesmerizes the viewer.

Video games are interesting to compare to comics and animation in this sense, because most games are made simply to be played. Despite being a visual medium, it isn't necessarily expected to look good; it just has to function as an interactive experience. This emphasis on functionality, created through technological limitations of the time, is exactly what originated low-poly and pixelated styles. Older video game art didn't need to be particularly beautiful, just purposeful. You take a concept, put it on the screen, and continue stripping away pixels and polygons until only its most minimal existence remains, because if you don't, you won't be able to fit it within your meager 64 MB cartridge capacity. It looks wonky, and may not really resemble the initial concept as you saw it anymore... but it works.

That's not to say huge, high-res canvases of pixel art and raytracing on low-poly renders can't be uniquely beautiful as well—I think the ways these styles are innovated with modern technology is just as intriguing. The fundamental aspects of these styles will always be worth exploring, because at their core, they're about conveying things in unconventional ways. Simplicity makes it stilted and strange, and 'ugliness' is what makes it so evocative.

But like I said, I don't think it's a matter of intentionally avoiding these more subtle sorts of strangeness. It's just that harnessing and embracing it to its full extent is very hard. Particularly because modern technology often just... lacks limits. You can do practically anything with it, and that's the problem. If you have a decent GPU and the capacity to follow basic instructions, you can make a simple yet frighteningly hyper-realistic 3D scene in mere minutes, the kind that older video game developers could have only dreamed of. And technologically, it's impressive, but that's it. There are no corners cut, no concepts compressed, and nothing your computer can't handle for you. As soon as the realistic refractions and flashy lights fade, you realize it's all a little empty beyond the subdivision surfaces.

It's easy to get lost in a world without limitations, because empty canvases are just as freeing as they are intimidating. Making beautiful things because you can is obviously fun, and often impressive, but it gets boring. Sometimes I simply want to see things breaking at their seams, stripped down to the point of struggling to exist at all, and working—and being not just beautiful because of it, but fundamentally fascinating.

[faeriefrolic]

Sims Tag Meme

Thank you so much @cactusblossom for tagging me!!! This was really fun to do. I tag anyone who sees this if they want to do it too!

What’s your favorite sims death? The ranting about death is hilarious, Grim basically says fuck around and find out for that one lmao. I haven't personally seen it in game but it would be wild. But I have to go with the classic delete the pool ladder from ts1 and locking sims in a room with fireworks :)

Alpha CC or Maxis Match? Maxis match! I like my game to be colorful and cartoony.

Do you cheat when your sims gain weight? Nope! I like body diversity and it's a part of their life. The only times I would cheat their weight is if it was glitched (like Madeline and Tabby at one point with the gain weight from pregnancy mod. My sliders weren't playing nice and their animations/arms were messed up)

Do you use move objects? I do, for deco objects. I don't like using it for functional objects though because sims are dumb and can't route/interact with them if they're not placed normally. I like having playable homes/lots than just aesthetically pretty ones

Favorite mod?

First expansion/game/stuff pack you got? I started playing sims with ts1 when I borrowed it and the Livin Large EP from my brother. I still have all the ts1 cds in my room (but sadly no disc drive to put them in lol rip) For ts2 I *think* it was Open for Business, I remember making bookstores with it. For ts3 I bought base game + seasons bundled at Gamestop randomly one day and uhhh oops lol. I don't play ts4, but I have the base game + cats & dogs.

Do you pronounce “live mode” like aLIVE or LIVing? I pronounce it like aLive

Who’s your favorite sim that you’ve made? Crystal Leblanc, my little kitty faerie doll! She's an oc of mine and I love watching her get excited over tiny things and her cute faces. I also really love Pewter Dusk, he started as just a random sim request from @shuckleberrysims but I started a save with him and he's so adorable and fun. I love awkward fish genie.

Have you made a simself? I did long ago, but I don't think I even have their sim file anymore lmao

What sim traits did you give yourself? Cat Person, Bookworm, Shy, Supernatural Fan, Natural Cook

What is your favorite EA hair color? I don't think I really have one? I despise the gross green-brown preset in ts3 though, it's SO UGLY... especially when random generated sims had it, uuugh. So glad there's a fix for that now.

Favorite EA hair? A few Uni Life hairs are cute but my recent favorite is one that Mignonette has as a teen/ya. It's a rly cute messy updo hair with a bandana bow. She aged up into it as a teen and it looked really cute on her so I kept it! It's from Master Suite stuff!

Favorite life stage? I think you can guess lmao

Are you a builder or are you in it for the gameplay? Gameplay, I cannot build to save my life, I make ugly boxes

Are you a CC creator? No, but I'm interested in learning more about it, I've been fiddling with ITUNs in s3pe and such. I've made mods for Skyrim but I'd like to make more sim downloads (I need to put the Dusks up for download if I track down their cc...)

Do you have any simblr friends/a sim squad? 2016 switter gang hi!!! It's been a long time and a few of them are no longer on simblr. but I like to think I have some friends on here, though I'm very shy and go on hiatuses a lot

What’s your favorite game? TS3! I wish I could play ts1 again though :(

Do you have any Sims merch? No but I should get some...

Do you have a YouTube for sims? No, I'm pretty self conscious of my voice and I'm afraid of my game error 12'ving or crashing while recording lol. I do stream in discord though

How has your “sim style” changed throughout your years of playing? When I started playing I had very minimal cc and was very vanilla. Then I got into berries after discovering simblr, and I really like all the different colors and fun designs. I just think they're neat.

What’s your Origin ID? Honestly I don't know and I don't wanna open origin lol

Who’s your favorite CC creator? Oh gosh too many... too many slkdfjlf but to name a few off the top of my head, @sim-songs, @nectar-cellar, @poisonfireleafs hair, @xiasimla, @teekapoa

How long have you had a simblr? Since 2013! All of my older posts are gone now though when I deleted them years ago :( I wish I could look back on them. Wayback machine doesn't load the pictures and only has a few pages of my old blog.

How do you edit your pictures? I used edit with actions in photoshop before I got reshade. Now I just use @erasabledinosaur's wonderful presets 💗 I'm currently using Papercut and sometimes Strawberry Rhubarb!

What expansion/game/stuff pack is your favorite so far? Honestly, University Life will always have a place in my heart as it was the first EP I bought after base game + seasons. I have really fond memories of my simself running around the uni world exploring everything about ts3, everything was so new and exciting to me. and I love the uni townies! Especially Cid and Shea. I made ocs that are loosely based on them. (Very loosely since my Cid is nothing like EA Cid lmao)

What expansion/game/stuff pack do you want next? Well since EA abandoned ts3 all I can ask for is the game magically becoming 64 bit 🙃

[slippinmickeys]

Three Part Harmony (5/?)

They only found the place by chance, passing it on a county road about 40 minutes outside of Boise. The house on the property was a double-wide on maybe five acres, and it was fairly well taken care of — it had a graying brush pile and an old hoop house with a torn roof — but there were flower boxes in the windows with flourishing geraniums, and Mulder had made a good point about the cars.

“How do you know any of them even run?” Scully asked, warily eying three vehicles in the yard that had For Sale signs in the windows.

“Because there’s no grass growing under any of them,” Mulder pointed out, and he was right. Each of the three cars — a black late 80’s TransAm, a truck only few years younger than the one they were driving, and an early 90’s black Grand Prix — were parked on the lawn (lawn was a generous term, being made up of mainly field grasses and weeds) near the road and the grass under each one was the same length as the rest of the yard, freshly shorn in neat rows no more than a week ago.

“The Grand Prix, do you think?” Scully asked as they drove by a second time, this time slowing marginally to get a better look.

“That was my thought, yeah,” Mulder said, lowering his head to see out Scully’s window.

“It’s going to be a pain, getting him in and out of a car seat in a coupe,” Scully pointed out.

“It’ll also be a lot harder to see him,” Mulder answered, finally pressing the gas and rumbling further down the road.

A mile on, he pulled into a river access site with a small empty parking lot and a mint green porta potty. About forty feet from the lot, past some trampled down grass and a sign that marked a trailhead, was a graying picnic table set up under the lofty pine to which it was chained. Mulder nodded in its direction.

“I’m thinking I should probably go alone,” he said, throwing the truck into park, but letting the engine idle. “You guys can hang out here?”

Scully looked out the window of the truck. The rain had stopped, but the weather was still overcast, and it was nearing nightfall. She had changed William into a dry diaper and some of the clothes that Mulder had picked up, but it was October in the mountains.

“Looks chilly out there,” she said.

When they’d left for the Van De Kamp farm that morning, it had only been for the day. That quick drive-by and an hour or so of casing the place. They’d left everything they owned – an admittedly meager collection – back in the room they rented over the diner where Scully waited tables. She’d only worn a light jacket that morning and had no other clothes. Let alone warmer things for the baby.

“Stay in the truck then,” Mulder said, “I’ll walk.” He leaned forward to aim one of the air vents in the dash at her. The warmth it eked out was meager at best and tinged with the sharp scent of burning oil. In her lap, William was getting bored and trying to stand, his footing awkward on the springy vinyl seat.

“Okay,” she said, holding out a hand behind the baby as he pulled himself up by the seatback to look out the flat rear window.

Mulder gave her a reassuring smile. “I’ll be back with new wheels,” he said, and leaned forward to press a quick kiss to her cheek. Then, after a slight hesitation, he leaned toward the baby and pressed a kiss to the top of William’s felty head. The driver’s side door opened with a creak and he rolled out as a cool piney breeze rolled in. The door closed and he was gone, trotting down the small turnout before disappearing behind the trees that lined the road.

“Dah,” William said, watching him go.

Scully brightened somewhat.

“That’s right, William, that’s Dada.”

Several looks came over William’s face at the same moment. Confusion, perhaps a look of exhaustion, and then, dawning realization.

“Dada?” he said, looking around the cab of the truck. “Dada?” he said with increasing urgency.

Scully immediately realized her error. Though they’d entered a tenuous detente with their child, bringing up probably the only parents that the boy remembered made him remember them. And look for them. And cry for them with rising panic.

“Dada?” he called one last time before succumbing to snotty tears. “Mamaaaa!” The last word was said with a kind of depressed agony. The child had likely seen his adoptive mother killed before his eyes only that morning.

Scully began to make shushing noises, trying to calm him, but he only howled louder, squatting his little froggy legs and then rising up in a fit of agitation. The boy’s face was red and he was having none of the comfort Scully was offering, his crying screams echoing off the old windows of the truck.

She could feel tears prick her own eyes – the stress of the day surging back up, the agony of the last few months without him, her guilt at all he’d had to witness and endure in his brief life.

“Oh baby, I’m so sorry,” she whispered, her words turning into a sharp sob.

If only she’d been able to protect him. If only they weren’t on the run from a myriad of sources all looming with dark intent.

William seemed to lose steam after a few minutes, not exactly calming, but his screams ratcheted down until they were more fussy whines and he dropped down onto his bottom on the bench seat and looked at her with beseeching eyes. She reached forward and brushed away a few of his tears.

If only he knew who she was.

At that moment, she felt a kind of desperation from deep in her chest. This child was hers now. Hers to protect. Hers to raise. Hers to comfort. She looked into his eyes, the feeling inside of her fit to burst. Please remember me , she thought, please . And then William stopped fussing, canted his head to the side and gave her a long look. Scully held her breath.

“Bah mah,” he said, his expression quite serious.

“Bah mah,” she whispered back, and the desperation she felt turned into a warmth that spread through her like a quick shot of whiskey. The little boy in front of her reached up and patted her cheek. She covered his hand with her own and then brought his little palm to her lips and pressed a kiss there. And made him a promise.

Never again.

Xx

Mulder knocked ineffectually at the flimsy screen door to the house. It was made of aluminum and had a screen on only the top half, the scalloped edges bordering the mesh beginning to rust. He was about to unlatch it to knock on the inside door when it was quickly pulled open.

A man stood in the doorway. He was wearing a red t-shirt, stained with any number of things over the belly and was a few inches taller than Mulder. Where Mulder was lean, the man was bulky, carrying most of his weight in his middle, which sagged over the waist of ill-fitting jeans. He looked either angry or mean and grumbled something that Mulder couldn’t make out.

Not one to shy away from a challenge, Mulder still had the urge to simply apologize and walk away, but he instead stood his ground and hooked a thumb at the cars that were marked for sale out by the road.

“I’m interested in buying one of your cars out there,” he said, standing his ground.

The man’s face softened a bit and he grunted, nodding at Mulder so that he stepped off the cement blocks that served as the house’s front steps.

“Which one?” the man asked, coming down the steps with a bit of a limp.

“I was thinking the Pontiac,” Mulder said.

“Which one ?” the man asked, a tinge of impatience in his tone.

“Sorry,” Mulder said. “The Grand Prix. Does it run okay?”

“Runs great,” the man said, and started making his way across the lawn toward the red car. Mulder followed in his wake.

The man said nothing else as he walked and opened the door when he got to the coupe, reaching down to pop the hood. From there he circled around to lift the hood the rest of the way, propping it open with the strut. Mulder joined him in front of the car, both of the men staring at the engine compartment.

The gentleman looked to Mulder expectantly.

Mulder cleared his throat. “I don’t know much about cars,” he admitted.

The man sighed and started pointing. “I rebuilt the engine and the transmission,” he explained. “Tranny didn’t need it yet, but this model’s famous for it conking out. She’ll do one-ten on the highway, easy. Got about sixty thousand miles on her, but her tires are new and so’s her battery. Oil life’s at about eighty percent right now. Driver’s side tail light can be hinky sometimes, but she’ll run for ya.”

“The tail light,” Mulder said, a bit of unease creeping into his voice. “I’m uh, not too keen to get pulled over.”

The man took half a step back to give Mulder a thorough once-over and then held out a hand. “Name’s Ken.”

Mulder reached forward tentatively and shook the man’s hand. His grip was strong and the skin of his palm was rough from years of working with his hands.

“Steve,” Mulder said. Ken pumped his hand once and then released it.

“You give that back fender a pop with your fist before you start her,” with this he made a punching motion with his hand, “and you got nothing to worry about.”

Mulder nodded, thoughtful and maybe a little skeptical.

“That said,” Ken went on, “the police,” he pronounced the word POE-lees, and at the word he spit on the ground with irritated fervor, “try’n pull you over, well… She can outrun ‘em.” He crossed his hands in front of his chest confidently.

Mulder wasn’t entirely sure about the prospect of punching a fender to get the tail light to turn on (or attempting to outrun the poe-lees), but they needed a car so that they could safely transport William. And, at the very least, he was somewhat confident that if any kind of authority tracked them this far and knocked on Ken’s door, the big man would keep his peace.

“How much you want?” Mulder asked.

“Five grand,” Ken said, tilting his head back like he was expecting Mulder to barter.

Mulder reached into his back pocket where he’d pushed seven thousand dollars worth of one hundred dollar bills. “Cash okay?”

“Better’n okay,” Ken said.

Mulder turned slightly away to count out the money. He handed it over, pressing it into Ken’s meaty palm, who rolled it up and shoved it into a front pocket without counting it.

“Keys are in it,” the man said. “Let me get you the pink slip.”

[exist101]

tell me things about the poptropica symbiote au please

just, anything on your mind about it

I have so much though you gotta give me somethin to work with next time but for now BULLET POINTS UNDER THE CUT BECAUSE THIS GOT LONG

All of the villains bonded with their respective symbiotes fairly young, preteen but not a child child.

The symbiotes are stuck on earth after their ship crashed in the middle of the ocean and were separated.

The villains are all incredibly strong and agile thanks to them.

Error helped inspire young Mordreds fascination with machines, always telling stories of all the neat stuff in space.

As far as anyone in the kingdom knows Mordred was always a strange child with his head in the clouds (some had a theory he was a changeling autism child go brrrr), but one day they got a whole lot stranger, talking to himself and making odd drawings of metallic monsters.

Also yes I do believe in Bard being the kings child and it's in the au.

There's not much room for Error anymore, so they tend to hang out underneath Bard's hat or disguised as an oil stain.

They just overall hit it off almost immediately and are very close :)

Honestly at this point they were the only thing keeping Harvey alive.

24 Carrot is basically just That Place with weird crimes and weird people. Basically the Tracy California of Pop (I'd know).

Harvey always got overstimulated really quickly (he is filled with autism), so sometimes Savagery would help with that.

Harvey left 24 Carrot as soon as he got accepted into college and never looked back. Savagery is happy with that.

The only one out of the group who figured out that the symbiotes feed on happy chemicals.

Savagery us the only thing keeping Harvey alive at this point, without their healing his organs would have stopped working.

Invidia and Widow are also very close.

As a kid Invidia would secretly give bullies a valuable lesson.

They have each others backs during heists.

Widow absolutely struggled (and still does) struggle with self confidence. Invidia helps with that.

Widow's real name is Charlotte because I can.

Grew up on Counterfeit, moved as a teen, came back after becoming a police officer

Crawfish and Kraken had a very rocky start.

Kraken simply did NOT want to be stuck on earth and they made it Crawfish's problem.

Like mx that is a child you're talking to.

Met while the ship that Crawfish was cabin boy of was docked at Skullduggery, Kraken became interested in the curse for reasons i won't specify.

The two did some horrible things that will only be found in the horror chamber channel on discord.

They started getting along a bit more after a few years though!

When Crawfish lost his leg to one of the sea serpents that's when the trust exercises began (joke)

Kraken makes a leg for him. Crawfish can't control it so he has to hope Kraken doesn't make them fall.

Also in this au he's not a ghost because Kraken kept him alive (yes I love that theory it's in my main au)

It's a bond made from mutual respect and trust and a little bit of pranking from time to time and I like thinking about their dynamic whether the time they hated each other to them messing around in the present :)

[euphorial-docx]

Yes please tell us about all the Black family wands!

oh boy could i talk about their wands.

walburga:

wood: cedar (owners of cedar wood wands are known to be unusually loyal and very perceptive, and also quite intimidating as they are surprisingly good at defending. ollivander’s father used to say “you will never fool the cedar carrier”)

core: dragon heartstring (it’s known to be easy to turn to the dark arts, and is also known to be very temperamental. i feel like those explain themselves lol)

length: 11 1/2 (dark wizards often prefer longer wands, but it’s not very precise)

flexibility: unyielding (self explanatory i think)

description: sharp and neat; always polished. the lighter cedar wood has been stained to be black, and the handle is made out of obsidian with intricate designs engraved onto it. i feel like regulus’s wand looks similar to walburga’s, because of the black color and engraved designs.

orion:

wood: elm (there’s a belief that only pure-bloods can use elm wands, but that is unfounded. elm is not prone to errors or accidents, and is capable of very advanced magic that attracts a lot of pure-bloods to it. it’s also seen as sophisticated.)

core: unicorn hair (like regulus! while they are harder to turn to the dark arts, they produce consistent magic and are very faithful to their owners. they don’t produce very powerful magic, but the elm wood makes up for that! orion’s wand’s unicorn hair often dies and needs replacing)

length: 10 inches (still within the formal and standard length, and helps keep magic consistent)

flexibility: rigid (he’s pretty set in his ways, but i feel like he’d be at least a little understanding (even though he would never actually change his ways) for those very few he cares about. between him and walburga, orion is definitely the “nice” parent (“nice” being used very liberally))

description: simple and elegant, with a thicker handle to assist him in holding it better (blood curses have made motor function harder for him.) the wood is stained dark, but still keeps it’s brown color. he isn’t one to care much for extravagance or boldness, so his wand isn’t too detailed.

sirius:

wood: ebony (i believe his original wand is canonically dark in color, but even if it wasn’t, ebony is sirius to a t. ebony is good for combative magic and transfiguration, and is often used by non-conformists, and those who are courageously themselves and not easily swayed from their beliefs)

core: phoenix feather (they are picky with their owners and hard to tame, but can be capable of a wide range of magic. it also acts on its own accord sometimes)

length: 11 inches (i just feel like sirius would be a little impulsive, and therefore not very precise with his magic)

flexibility: slightly yielding (he’s strong-headed, but also emotional and i feel like his emotions are the only thing that could possibly sway him from his strong beliefs)

description: black and sleek, with a slightly glittery sheen on it if in the right lighting. the handle would have four old english runes engraved onto it (uruz to symbolize courage and freedom, thurisaz for conflict and catharsis, raidho for evolution and spontaneity, and perthro for fate and secrets)

you can find regulus’s wand description here

ALSO!

[redacted’s] wand will break and be replaced with a [redacted] wand :)

and despite the black family’s ideology of blood-purity, all their wands are made by ollivander, a halfblood. this business relationship will be explored more in the story.

[shinygoku]

In LAL I’ve finally done the 7 chapters, so I feel like Ranking ‘em with short pros and cons that contribute to my placements~

It’ll be in Quality Acending order, so starting with the least and moving up to the Beast! ✨ This post will try to be Spoiler Free!

7th Place - Prehistory: A goofy Flintstones-esque romp, though with less smoking ads and 60′s references. Though honestly, I’d have preferred that type of humour over the Fart and Nudity centred focus that we actually get lmao... but this scenario still made me smile and was overall Fun, just the clear weakest for me. Extremely boppable music and nice simple enjoyment in raw Unga Bunga Power, but I did not want to deal with the Superboss and the secret I did engage in was still cryptic as hell.

6th - Present Day (1994): An interesting spin on the gameplay, but with only 7 battles you don’t have much to dig into... In a Mega Man-esque direction, the order of the fights is yours, but there’s a nice through line if you may your choices in a certain order. The other fighters have some implied depth to them and are good sportsmen, which was a neat surprise. Masaru is also fun to play as, his barren apartment still allowing him to make serious gains lmao. But yeah, very short and pretty same-y, so it’s not The Strongest on the rankings...!

5th - Near Future: This is hard to place, as when it’s good, it is very very good! And when it is bad it is horrid... Hmm. It starts several cool ideas but then fails to properly follow up on them, pretty much every point is left a bit open and hanging at the end, and that’s bothersome on one with a big dark plot! There ain’t many enemy types, one plot-important location is way too big and easy to get lost in while having no way to return in case you missed something. Also, there’s a minigame that you can miss entirely that gives good items. Also also, there’s a big plot turn towards the end that only had slight foreshadowing if you went out of your way to look for it. Yeah, it’s a bit of a mess... AND Akira’s stats are kinda weedy! But I do love Akira himself, the Battle Theme and especially the Kageyama vocal song~

4th - Western: This is a popular chapter, the main fault that people have with it being that it’s very short. And yeah, that’s very agreeable! I also didn’t much care for the battle theme in this one, fortunately you spend way longer hearing Megalomania instead! The main gimmick is a bit hard and/or trial and error, but very satisfying if ya pull it off~

3rd - Imperial China: Good length, good variety of moves and enemies, nice music, a huge gut punch that is impossible to avoid... This is a Solid Chapter. But I’m never that pleased when the Gut Punch actually happens, as I feel guilty too easy anyway! But also, if you get complacent, you may make moves you regret dearly later on. There are a fuckload of fights and I get a bit bored of the Imperial KK sounding first few notes after a few in a row though.

2nd - Distant Future: The most Cerebral of ‘em all, only 1 mandatory fight, and lots and lots and LOTS of Characters Talking. And it’s goooooood!! As much as the plot leans on Famous SciFi, the interactions and character nuances give this a lot of meat, with the side dish of horror and suspence. We Are All Love Cube!!

1st - Edo Japan: I’m gonna admit first that I am biased for this, and if I wasn’t, I mighta put it lower because HOO BOY this one is Hard Mode!! And you can choose to make it even harder, which I did! But see... that’s a strength objectively; it’s a huge, sprawling, maze-like scenario and you have a certain amount of freedom in just how you go about it. The visuals are fantastic, the music is all bangers and the ending even takes into account the choices you made and changes accordingly. This is the Undertale before Undertale, after all, but much more My Style lmao. Just yeah, go in ready to grind, refer to maps and get a bit lost several times... it’s all worth it in the end imo, also fighting as Oboro is really enjoyable and even pretty~

[martanomb]

MB's Monologue: Advice and Tips on How I Dropped Over 4 Stone in Weight

Introduction

I recently shared a somewhat candid post regarding many aspects of my life over the past 2-3 years and the progress I’ve made. Since then, I’ve had a tidal wave of kind comments and positive feedback, both online and in person and to be honest it’s really quite something! If you have taken a moment to reach out to me then I offer you my sincere thanks, it’s very much appreciated and I don’t say that flippantly. What I didn’t really expect though, is that a few people have been in touch to either say that what I shared has helped them in some way shape or form (e.g. gaining some inspiration to make a change) or to ask some follow up questions regarding specifics in order to get themselves onto a better path.

I’ve been thinking a lot lately that I do enjoy writing as an outlet, although hardly ever utilise the opportunity to do so. I believe in part for my own reasons (you know, to articulate a thought on a more creative platform) that there may also be some value in providing more detail and nuance as to how I managed to shift over 4 stone and become significantly fitter, healthier and consistent considering the feedback I have been receiving. I’ll keep the focus on weight loss specifically as I’ll end up writing a piece longer than my dissertation from back in my university days if I go too far off topic!

I would like to provide the preface that everything I am going to talk about here is specific to me and what works for me may not work for you. You should always absorb as much information from as wide a variety of sources as possible and figure out a bespoke approach which works for you on an individual level. I’d like to think that I’m quite an observant person and I’ve taken such a huge number of ideas and details from sources like reading books, YouTube, trial and error (my favourite!), observing habits within others and listening at the right times. Some ideas I added to my routine and have remained in place ever since, others served their purpose and were discontinued and some were immediately discarded because they were likely just garbage. An important thing is to be willing to adapt until you get it right or even just a little bit better until you can find what a new normal is – you’ll never look back once you do, trust me.

However, I do hope that for anyone who needs it that they are able to take at least one or two nuggets of information to empower yourself to progress closer to where it is you want to be. If no one does then that’s still not a bad thing as far as I’m concerned because I’ll have spent some time doing an activity I enjoy and been able to get a thought off of my chest – albeit a rather long one.

Step 1 – Increasing Activity Levels

One of the first things I changed when I started my journey (God I HATE that expression) was to become more physically active. I decided early on because I was strong yet unfit (as well as overweight) that one of the easiest ways to achieve this was to simply walk more frequently. So I strapped on my Fitbit or smartwatch and made sure that I hit 10k steps per day as often as I could manage. I now average around 15k steps per day.

By doing this I was burning an incredible number of additional calories and over a period of time the compound effect is more or less inevitable, this has such a positive impact for weight loss. There are so many forms of exercise and it is easy to get hung up on the intense stuff (which is great by the way!) or what I can't do, but walking was and remains my superpower. It should not be undervalued – it’s a calorie killer.

This leads on to the general principle that by walking more I was increasing my Non-Exercise Activity Thermogenesis (NEAT) which essentially boils down to how active you are physically out with regular exercise. General examples of this are to walk instead of taking the car for short distances (e.g. work, going to the shops, taking the stairs rather than a lift etc).

An example specific to me is that I walk to my gym every.single.time. This is approximately 2,000 extra steps per day. Now that’s 2,000 steps per day x 6 days per week which is 12,000 steps per week or over 600,000 steps per year! Do you see how one small change can lead to such a significant milestone over time? That’s the compound effect in action and it should be everyone’s ally, it’s certainly mine.

How you choose to approach a task/routine/activity (e.g. half-arsed) is likely how you will do most things in your life and your outcomes will be aligned with that. By taking a measured, positive and I’m going to give it my all here approach to every single thing you do in life will stand you in good stead, imagine how far you could progress if you actually tried and gave it your all? It’s amazing - honestly, try it. Unless you are in a very small percentage of people your body is exactly where it deserves to be, we are the result of our actions on a daily basis over a long period of time, it’s a transparent, qualitative and rather easy way of tracking progress.

In short you need to get your butt moving as often as you can and by doing so your baseline of how many calories you can consume in a day will increase, the health benefits are absolutely stellar.

Step 2 – Calorie Management

I don’t like the term Calorie Tracking so I have gone with Calorie Management as I feel it’s more appropriate because you can track anything, that doesn’t mean you’re going to see a difference. Taking responsibility and managing your caloric intake on the other hand? Well that’s something entirely different...

Weight loss can be a confusing topic when you aren’t armed with a little knowledge and it can be quite jarring at times as a result. But here is the kicker and it’s as simple as this; on any given day your body has an energy balance in terms of calories. Go over the number and you’ll gain weight, hit the number and you’ll maintain and if you create a deficit, you’ll lose weight. That’s it in a nutshell.

My biggest issue was that I didn’t fundamentally understand what I was consuming, how many calories were within that regime and what should I be looking to hit for my physical profile? I downloaded an app called Nutracheck (I now use My Fitness Pal; they all do the same thing) and started tracking what I was eating and ensured that I hit my calorie target as often as I could. I naturally fell into a 5:2 nutrition plan whereby 5 days per week I would be in a sustainable and healthy deficit with 1-2 days to allow more flexibility (e.g. the weekends). It’s important to still live a full life when cutting weight. Throughout the year or so while I was losing weight I did not skip a single social occasion that I didn’t want to (I skipped plenty I didn’t fancy, haha!) and ensured that any blow outs were accounted for and whilst doing this will slow progress down, overall I still lived a great life and didn’t have to make sacrifices which aren’t worth it, it’s important to stay connected and foster sustainable change.

To summarise this section succinctly I determined what a good calorie target would be for me and made sure I hit it on a weekly basis rather than a daily basis. You can’t be in a calorie deficit every single day for long periods of time, it’s not that good for you; physically or mentally.

Step 3 – Food Selection

After I gained a solid understanding of what I needed to do to lose weight in terms of calories, this inadvertently forced me to consider what I was eating. Whilst I can now create a deficit quite easily if I need to, I do this by selecting foods which A. I like and B. fit the right profile (e.g. calories, protein etc). Meaning I can eat loads and never feel hungry whilst maintaining a calorie deficit.

An example of how I achieved this was that I swapped almost all of my snacks to fruit, low fat yoghurts, Greek yoghurts and high protein yoghurts.  I found that I still got that sweet hit but for a fraction of the calorie count of other snacks (e.g. sweets, breakfast bars etc) and often got extra protein which helped me keep my strength up as I love to lift weights.

If you drink full fat fizzy juice, just don’t. They’re a source of empty calories and best avoided (I never have but appreciate many do).

Breakfast cereal was swapped for healthy alternatives such as scrambled eggs most mornings. The eggs also contain more protein, less calories and they take more energy for your body to metabolise, honestly, they’re like a cheat code.

By understanding what you are consuming and how many calories are within you can make more informed choices and actually end up eating more and feeling fuller for less calories.

(Fun Fact: Did you know that a pint of beer has approximately 220 calories? Whereas a 25ml rum and diet coke has approx. 60 calories? Informed decisions are available everywhere, you just have to look for them.)

Step 4 – Portion Control

Leading on from calorie management is portion control and for the first time in my life I now own a set of kitchen scales. I now ensure that all portion sizes are accounted for and appropriate so that everything I consumed was part of the plan.

For example in the past I would habitually just have two of basically anything (e.g. chicken breast fillets) and why? I’ve not got a clue; it was just an ingrained habit I had. Whereas now I tend to batch cook in advance and weigh each portion so that I’m getting the correct amount. A key thing for me was weighing all loose items so that I understood their calorie profile and ensured that everything in my diet was accounted for as best as I possibly could.

Please watch your portion sizes, they’re a silent killer when it comes to gaining and losing weight. But with a little effort this has actually been something I really enjoy. Although it’s rarer now, there were many moments where I thought: Oh fuck, I didn’t realise there were so many calories in that!

(Yes, I like to swear within my inner monologues.)

Step 5 – My Training Programme

I’ve done weight training for a number of years now (10+) and it’s something I’m passionate about and thoroughly enjoy. However, at the start of this process I found despite my physique making me outrageously strong I was overweight and fundamentally unhappy with myself about that fact. One thing which really made me realise that I was unhappy about my appearance was when I was thinking why am I avoiding getting my photo taken? I used to love getting a wee photo here and there... The answer? I looked dreadful and subconsciously I knew it. I'm back to normal now though guys, get the cameras at the ready, haha!

After a period of time (over 6 months) of simply walking more and eating progressively better I went back to a public gym and really doubled down on my training.

I very gradually implemented some light cardio, then dabbled with classes and now I do both classes and weights (probably a lot more than anyone could be reasonably expected to, but that’s just me!). Although it’s something that I love, training as such is not necessarily required to make real changes. Although I would highly recommend that everyone engages in some form of exercise, it’s good for you.

Importantly it’s always a case of taking one steps at a time; walk before you can run.

Step 6 – Consistency and Dedication

This aspect is truly a winner and probably something which cannot be taught and is difficult to master. Consistency and dedication are truly my golden bullet, being consistent over a period of time you will almost always win and win convincingly, trust me.

Most changes in our lives will take time to bear fruit and at least initially change can invoke a lot of effort and stress, but this gets easier as you go. Hang in there and maintain course and your consistency will take you levels beyond what you thought was possible, beyond your initial goals and this has certainly helped me on the up-and-up. You will find if you can be consistent, you will quickly see, hear and feel the benefits whether it be kind words from others or having higher energy levels. Every day is a small-scale battle and every battle won is a step forward and ground gained. This keeps me motivated to always keep pressing forwards (not blindly though, adapt as you need to).

You’ll need to work on this one yourself here though. The best advice I can probably offer when confronted with a moment whereby you doubt yourself or you’ve hit a brick wall and you know you’re going to forfeit consistency and dedication - is to stop making bloody excuses and start making plans on how you’re going to deal with the task at hand.

In Summary

If I was less like me, which I’m not… It would have been easy to have gone in the opposite direction after realising that I was overweight. You know, my knee is fucked, I’m overweight and let’s head down the slippery slope of regression, feel sorry for myself and start a pity party – woe goes me. But that’s not me, I don’t have that in me and as a very good friend of mine told me recently: you always overcome, Martin.

Those words mean a lot to me and I’ve thought about them every day since. I wasn’t born with any outstanding talents, I lacked confidence in myself at times when I was younger (e.g. at school) and was somewhat of a late developer but now? Now I feel like I can do anything and it’s an incredible feeling. I feel well-rounded, I feel accomplished, I feel knowledgeable, I feel powerful, I feel resilient, I feel capable and I feel like I have scope to help others. I absolutely love to see people do well and work on themselves. We all have our limitations (e.g. physical) and must work within that framework but every day is an opportunity to start working towards a better tomorrow and the moment to act is now, not tomorrow, not after you’ve done X-Y or Z, it’s now. Right now.

If anything I’ve said here has resonated with you, please feel free to reach out and let me know and please also take care of yourselves. You’re important and you matter, don’t forget that. Especially if you’re not where you want to be right now.

[noparg]

Genetic Disaster - Review

Bullet hell roguelikes are not a new genre by any means, it’s been around for a good while. Every year some new games belonging to it get released, to different degrees of success. Originally released in 2017, Genetic Disaster had to live under the shadow of one of the best games in the genre, Enter the Gungeon. Now, hoping to breathe new life into it, Genetic Disaster has received a Nintendo Switch.

Story

There is literally no story in Genetic Disaster, not a single word mentioned in-game. The closest thing to one is the few lines in the store description that talk about escaping the mansion.

Besides this, the other text in the game isn’t particularly good either. While most of it is alright there are still translation errors and the game only features English and French as language options. After almost 3 years it’d be expected for the game to have been at least somewhat more polished.

Graphics

Genetic Disaster’s graphics are the best part of the game without discussion; everything looks clean and polished. While there is not a lot of variation in weapons or environments, there is for enemies. All the different creatures encountered have differences from each other such as hats and colors, size, etc.

It is a shame that weapons are samey since they’re generally one of the draws of these kind of games. Almost all guns in the game look the same externally, with the only difference being the bullets and even then not that much.

Sound

There isn’t much to talk about in the sound department either; the soundtrack is fine but nothing special and the SFX do their job. Nothing in this department deserves a special mention, it’s just alright.

Gameplay

As previously mentioned Genetic Disaster is a bullet hell roguelike, but with a huge focus on co-op. The game itself is barely innovative, with only a pair of unique mechanics. These two factors make the singleplayer gameplay drag along, being mostly repetitive.

Every floor, the player moves from room to room looking for the exit. These rooms normally have enemies inside, which can be slain for the chance to obtain drops or just ignored. Once per floor, a “boss” room will be found. With the exception of every third floor these rooms are made up by a gauntlet of several enemy waves to be defeated, every third floor an actual boss will be found.

These bosses have a big problem though, they are bullet sponges and gimmicky. A player can spend more time on a single boss than clearing the whole three floors just due to the sheer amount of health they have. Another problem is that if the players run out of ammo they have no other alternative than a puny melee attack.

This second problem also applies outside of bosses, due to weapons of the same type sharing ammo and the max weapon capacity being two. Most enemies also have contact damage, making the use of this melee attack until ammo is refilled extra risky.

Luckily every character has a different ability, though these only help so much since they have cooldowns.  All of them allow the player to not get hit by deflecting, dodging or breaking bullets, but it can only happen once in a while. Characters also have passive abilities with unique effects, being more or less noticeable.

Every time a player progresses a room further, they can spend crystals, one of the types of currency, for upgrades. These upgrades can be just an upgrade or have a drawback, an example being more damage for a heart less or viceversa. After every fourth flood, after the boss, stronger upgrades for the specific passive ability of the character can be purchased, alongside with a selection of new weapons and a bank to store crystals.

It is important to use this bank in order to unlock permanent upgrades in the character select, but it implies surviving until the fourth floor every run. Even then, it takes several runs to unlock a single upgrade.

A neat little mechanic the game includes are the so called “cycles”, where after defeating an amount of enemies an effect will be applied. These effects can change add effects to bullets or even make enemies explode after death. Sadly this is the most innovative thing the game has to offer.

The game also includes a “minigames” mode, which only features a single minigame. To add to the injury, this minigame can only be played co-op. The minigame itself consists on a duel between players where they throw stools to each other, trying to defeat the other first.

Conclusion

Genetic Disaster is an alright game, there’s nothing intrinsically wrong with it, but there’s nothing particularly good either. It doesn’t really help how co-op oriented it is, making it boring for solo players. Perhaps it may be an interesting choice for those with someone to play with, though the online capabilities from the Steam version have been removed, allowing only local co-op. At least this co-op allows up to 4 players, but being the switch this means more controllers.

Personal Opinion

“I’m really tempted to just say “Go buy Gungeon” but first I’ll explain why. Genetic Disaster, which I keep calling Genetic Disorder in my mind, is a boring game with nothing special about it. I could see it being interesting for a younger audience who will play with their parents, but I cannot recommend it to anyone else. The price tag doesn’t help either, being exactly the same as Enter the Gungeon, which in my opinion is a way better game for anyone playing solo (and to be honest even co-op with someone else).”

[thezanyarthropleura]

Statistical Analysis for Fun

This is entirely self-indulgent, so feel free to scroll past in whatever tag you found this in, but I made some pretty graphs about my fic if you want to look at them or, if so inclined, take notes and do something similar for your own work, because this was actually really neat and potentially helpful to calculate and plot out visually.

Most of what you are about to see is based on the premise that Gamera vs. the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles is a story with multiple character POVs. The data were collected by finding the word count for each line-break-separated section of the fic and adding them up according to the characters they belong to. This is not necessarily an accurate representation of each character’s actual presence and plot importance, as characters may still get significant page-time while the narration is following another, but it more-or-less represents a bare minimum of how much each character is in the story.

I’ll further note that these data were calculated using the original versions of the chapters, not those posted publicly on AO3, and may vary slightly from the AO3 word count because, when posting, I tend to do minor cleanup things like reword sentences so a paragraph doesn’t have a single word on the last line. There is an additional margin of error of 27 words, as when I added up each character’s individual word count and compared that to what I calculated by adding up the individual chapter word counts, there were 27 words missing and I don’t know where they went. This is still smaller than the smallest data value (42).

So, here are those character word counts, compared:

Gamera’s point of view is a special case, as all of these 12,157 words are from one extended sequence in Chapter 5. Moving next down the line, we immediately see that apparently I just really like Donatello... which I guess shouldn’t by surprising considering I made a post called Statistical Analysis for Fun. Donnie gets a lot of his word count from Chapter 3, where he does most of the actual work during the underground city expedition.

In the next five spaces, Karai, Raphael, and Baxter Stockman are all characters whose scenes early on are kept brief, mostly because I didn’t want this story to get too dark and depressing, but they all become much more directly present in the chaotic grand finale of Chapter 6, which grants them most of their points here. Ayana and Asagi, in contrast, are spaced more evenly throughout, being the major perspective characters for their protagonist groups and having a lot of important thoughts about their imminent or ongoing reunion.

Then we have Mai, which is kind of surprising, since she’s one of only two characters on this list not involved in the main action set in New York. She stays in Japan, and only gets two scenes in the whole fic - one in Chapter 2 and one in the epilogue. She does get very existential and has a long-winded internal monologue, so that probably contributes.

Mikey and Leo are in the middle, and it’s not that Mikey is less important so much as a lot of his scenes go to Donnie, likewise to some extent for Leo and Raph. Being honest, Leo is probably my weakest turtle, as a lot of what I’ve written for him feels like rehashed ideas from canon and his own personal story is minimal compared to the other three, but one thing I wanted to make sure I did was have him eventually participate in banter and get a few moments to just goof off, which is something I love about the early seasons of 2003.

...I was not expecting Traximus’s ending cameo to score this high.

Nor was I expecting Yukino to have so few perspective scenes, but I guess this is a case of Asagi getting the narration more often than not. In reality, they’re always in scenes as a pair and have about the exact same real page-time. And if you add the 4,933 words from the prequel short, then Yukino has 6,678 words and gets 4th place, between Karai and Raph.

For similar don’t-make-it-too-dark reasons, the only time the Shredder gets perspective time is when something about the other character in the scene needs to be hidden from the audience. Even beyond that, he has very little page-time overall with most of it being during the Chapter 6 fight scene.

Of the last five, Shinigami is the only real surprise, for how important and present her character is, but I tend to default to other characters (mostly Ayana and Karai) for her scenes. Not only does Shini have an aura of mystery that makes her perspective mostly just a guess, she’s bonded to Gamera for Chapters 4-6, and how that situation looks to the person bonded isn’t really explored at all by the movies. Sydney, April, and Casey are just in the fic for less time, and have fewer opportunities for perspective sections. And then we have a singular mouser robot, which gets one forty-two word paragraph in Chapter 5 to foreshadow Stockman’s knowledge in Chapter 6.

Moving on, we have what I like to call the “What is this Story About?” graph, and no, this is not new data, this is just the characters’ word counts rearranged into categories:

(Gamera: Gamera | Turtles: Leo, Raph, Mikey, Donnie | Shipping: Karai, Shinigami, Asagi, Yukino | Redemption Arcs: Ayana, Stockman, that damn mouser | Supporting Cast: Mai, Sydney, April, Casey | Villains: Shredder | Cameos: Traximus)

This is mainly the result of me wondering how fics’ content is interpreted when there are tagged ships, or in this case, when there are tagged ships and also the title refers to characters who are not in the tagged ships. In all honesty, most of what I write is going to have lesbians in it, because that’s what I don’t usually get from canon, and whether you call it f/f or wlw, it’s underrepresented even in most fandoms. It’s basically a required condition for me to actually commit to writing something, but it won’t necessarily be the only thing in the story because, if that was all I was looking to write, I’m sure I could find a more popular fandom to do it in. Instead, here I am necromancering TMNT characters from 6-20 years ago and Gamera characters from 17-28 years ago.

I’m actually surprised I wrote so much of the turtles. In the beginning, I felt like it was going outside my usual comfort zone to write them as main characters, but what I now feel like I’ve discovered is that the turtles are just one of those big, fictional exceptions, where they share experiences with just about anyone who writes fanfic for any reason. The LGBT+ community is only one of the many things for which they work well as a metaphor, and they’re really the best kind of superheroes, often capable of being fun, compassionate, and upbeat in spite of the shocking darkness of the villains and the world they’re presented with. Combined with Gamera, just under half the fic is written from the POV of one of the title characters, which I think, averaging with what Gamera’s screentime usually is compared to the movie as a whole, more than fulfills what the title promises.

The shipping category also includes the time spent developing the characters in the pairings, not just the actually shippy scenes, which are there but kinda spaced around the story like romance usually is in a movie or show (and doesn’t get past kissing, there’s no smut in this, the M rating is for subject matter). Of course there’d be nothing wrong with writing a story just about Karai/Shini and Asagi/Yukino with the turtles in the background, but since I haven’t seen anything like this done before, I decided to specifically script this like it was a big deal crossover movie, with maybe just a little more focus on the leading women than any real crossover movie would probably have.

And speaking of which, we also have Ayana, of the redemption arc category, despite it being arguable whether she actually needs one or has in fact gone through it prior to the main events of this story. She’s not in a ship, at least not a main or endgame pairing that we know of (though she does get one of the kisses...) and rather, I just really wanted to write about her and kinda set her up for her own possible later adventures. Stockman is here too, because what he goes through in canon deserves a portrayal where it’s not treated like a joke, and I really, really wanted to put him and 2012 Karai in the same universe so they could basically keep each other sane (why has no one else done this?).

Next up, let’s see exactly (well, subjectively) how much of this fic is Gamera and how much of it is Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles:

...not bad. I was aiming for a sort of even-ish split, but I acknowledge TMNT by nature comes with more major characters, and if anything, the most obvious path would be for them to completely overtake the role of the ‘humans’ in this and be our perspective characters for the entirety of the story.

Sadly I don’t think a lot of people would even consider bringing the human characters from a kaiju film franchise into a crossover, or really consider them major characters at all. But these days I’m at a point where I enjoy these films, at least the classic ones, for the human stories just as much as for the monsters themselves - there’s something about them that can often feel many times more progressive than modern Hollywood films, and a whole lot of them just feel genuine, from the heart, in ways that are hard to explain but always keep me coming back to watch them again and again.

Taking the Gamera elements of this fic by themselves, it’s a tale about Asagi, now in her mid-twenties and in a secret relationship with her best friend, not only finding out Gamera has returned but that Ayana is also back in the picture and has something do with it. It’s a tale about Ayana paying Gamera’s unexpected kindness forward, dreading a reunion with Asagi only to discover she’s forgiven and accepted, and figuring out what she’s supposed to do next. It’s a tale about Mai, realizing she now has the rest of her life in front of her, meeting all the women who’ve stood in her shoes before. And it’s a tale about Gamera, at war with himself between his purpose and his compassion in a world that fights him on both fronts, and his reunion with Asagi that provides the needed reminder that he is truly making a difference.

Taking the Ninja Turtles elements of this fic by themselves, it’s a tale about a family on the verge of falling apart - Leo withdrawing into his sense of responsibility to the point of obsession, Raph drowning in anger out of a misguided attempt to protect his brothers from the truth, and Mikey and Donnie beginning a slow process of healing by bonding over a new and exciting mystery. It’s a tale about Karai and Baxter Stockman finding, if not the mental clarity to save themselves, the innate drive to save each other. And it’s a tale about Shinigami, with the longtime support and encouragement to take initiative, still struggling with her own protective anger to the point of near-disaster and ultimately seeking out help from those she once thought of merely as being in her way.

For the next graph (because that’s what this post is about, if you forgot, I know it went deep there for a minute), I took that previous one and split it up a little further, to the best that the available data can really represent:

This graph is a little misleading, because the “Gamera” and “Turtles” sections can’t really be worked out by word count, so we’re looking mainly at the top two slices and the two in the bottom right, which split up all the non-turtle characters according to the iterations of each fandom they hail from. For TMNT we have Karai, Shinigami, and Shredder from the 2012 CGI animated series totaling to about even, word-count-wise, against Stockman, Sydney, April, Casey, and Traximus from the 2003 2D animated show. For Gamera we have Asagi, Yukino, and Ayana from the 90s Heisei trilogy outweighing Mai, the one character from 2006′s standalone Gamera the Brave.

There’s a lot going on beyond the characters, however - we have other parts of the story like the setting, where most of the TMNT aspects are based on the 2003-verse and most of the Gamera apsects have to do with the smallest slice here, Gamera the Brave (those two being more or less the present-day anchors, as they’re contemporaries of each other). And then we have the five turtles themselves, which are actually composite characters, to a greater extent than any of the others featured here.

For the turtles, they’re still mostly based around the 2003 versions, as those are the versions I’m most familiar with, but I definitely did let some 2012 get in there while writing, and if you really wanted to read them with the 2012 voices (or probably the voices of some other iterations, like the various movie turtles, as well) I think it would mostly work. Perhaps it’s my own bias, but I always feel like it’s the Donnies that are most different, and in particular, this Donnie has a physics-overlay moment during the underground city fight and a bit of a science rant in the epilogue that I felt were leaning a little in the 2012 direction (and of course, I couldn’t resist just one “Fibonnaci!” when they’re all using the Rise powers). Raph in this story was also Nightwatcher like his 2007 version - and yes, Mikey was also Turtle Titan, in the same universe, which is another thing I’m genuinely shocked I don’t see done more often.

Lastly, this story establishes Gamera as the same character across the events of all his films, occasionally reincarnating into a new body. He’s now a more grown-up Gamera the Brave Toto, and appearance-wise, he’s described and depicted similarly to Guardian of the Universe Gamera with a few of Toto’s characteristics, but not only does he have aspects of both of these Gameras character-wise, he also has aspects of Showa Gamera, which become prominent with some of the moves he uses during the fight scenes. A dreamlike sequence involving memories from Gamera’s past includes references to Showa, Heisei, and the Brave, all as one long history that goes into how I’ve interpreted Gamera as a character.

So anyway, that’s pretty much it for now. Another chart I couldn’t find a good place to put is one that compares the chapter lengths, and aside from providing some context for the word counts of characters I’ve described according to chapter prominence, all it really says is that I can’t keep my chapter lengths consistent, but I already knew that:

Yes, the epilogue is longer than Chapter 2. And I believe this final chart should be self-explanatory:

[theveryworstthing]

So over on patreon Trevor asked for my take on the Addams Family and I grew up LOVING the Addams family movies so here we are. Instead of doing a straight up style interpretation, I decided to do a full on design challenge, using the characters as bases to make a black southern gothic Addams au. I actually drew the kids first, using the character bases of Wednesday and Pugsley to create some delightful kiddos I'm calling Sunday and Blanche. I of course then redesigned Gomez and Morticia into Carlisle and Mortesha.

The Addams have a very specific high aristocratic goth aesthetic (they've got a butler and nobody really works among other things) so in this re-imagining I wanted to go with vibes that run a little more middle class/upper middle class.  I thought it would be interesting to think about what would be considered weird and off-putting in an entirely different culture, and how being a big ol' goth is way less controversial than it used to be.

I tried to keep this short (HAHAHAHAHAHA) so I didn't spin off into an essay about villain coded families, black people in the horror genre, and normalcy as it pertains to social survival, but just...bits of that are in these designs and lore. Keep that in mind.

Also I made the kids twins because they've flip flopped in age so much in different media and also twins run in my family (i'm the daughter of one). And let's face it, I'm pulling a lot of their southern gothic traits from living as a southern goth so *shrug*.

10 thousand pounds of lore incoming loooooooooool.

The Parents

From the moment he saw her he knew that there was a 50/50 chance of him either never making it out of that swamp alive or marrying the figure that was creeping out from under the distant willow tree in a black cocktail dress. The third time she found him trussed up in one of her traps, he complimented her rope work and asked if she'd like to go out sometime after his head wound stopped bleeding.

Or while it was still bleeding.

If she was into that.

Some kids and a mysteriously burnt down Piggly Wiggly later, their love is still as strong and inescapable as a bear trap in a sink hole.

Carlisle Guillermo (now Addams through marriage but I wanted to give him two first names for a name since Gomez has two last names) makes a vaguely described living practicing ‘law’ around town. A loophole king, people come to him from miles around with contracts signed in blood, fights over chunks of hair buried in their rivals’ yard, dehydrated primate hands, memories that seemed like dreams until the evidence of their happenings became too real, and other regular Legal Items asking for counsel which he is all too happy to give. For a price. Sometimes that price is a homemade pie and sometimes it’s a million dollars, depends on who you are. Whatever you’re asked to pay it’s worth that price, and if you try to scam him out of work or he just plain doesn’t like you? Well. He knows how to twist a contract better than anything at the crossroads.

And he always gets his due.

He doesn’t just serve the local (living)humans though, there are many things that need proper legal representation in this day and age. You wouldn’t believe how many city councils try to build on sacred burial grounds even after he lets them know that his ghostly clients are totally gonna haunt the FUCK out of the ensuing shitty condos and curse their families for all eternity. At least 50% of his energy goes towards dealing with real estate bullshit.

Carl is an excitable and good natured(?) man who loves his family, cigars, dancing, and his many knife-based hobbies. People find him very charming once they get past the feeling that they’re talking to a sultry gator badly disguising itself as a human. I didn’t put a ton of deep thought into designing him, mostly I wanted to make a middle aged dude who looked like he would have been voted ‘most likely to smooch the literal devil’ in high school. Tbh he probably has, but no demonic ex’s can compare to his lovely wife~

Mortesha Addams(her name was already perfect so I just tweaked it)is a woman of many talents. A self proclaimed homemaker, she prides herself on a greenhouse full of Concerning Foliage, a beautiful wasp apiary, and a coop full of what are probably chickens that she keeps for what are probably eggs. She’s also an avid creator of the outsider art that can be seen around the estate. She has taken on the family business of selling her homemade goods in a little stall by the road just outside the swamp with her mom, and makes pretty good money doing so. A surprising amount of poison gets bought in quaint southern towns.

Speaking of poison, people who come out to the edge of the swamp to buy it are usually carrying a lot of secrets around, and Mortesha knows most of them. It’s not like she pries the truth out of people, it just so happens that many nervous hellos eventually turn into the tragic backstory power hour if she’s alone with a client for long enough. She supposes that’s just how people are. Despite the fact that the Addams are very active in the community (whether the community likes it or not) she especially, as a direct descendant of the first Addams matriarch, is seen as…Well not an outsider because the community feels A Certain Way about outsiders and despite it all the Addams are their people, but maybe something like an exception. They feel like whatever weirdness they’re hiding can’t be weirder than any given Addams, so they get a little loose with their words.

This is amusing to her, since Addams’ don’t naturally keep the kind dramatic secrets that their surface level prim and proper neighbors do. It’s much more fun to openly talk about those things.

Do they have a sadly decrepit yet terrifying grandma up in the attic? Yeah, like three. They got a tv, all the creepy porcelain dolls they could want, and they’re close to family. Where do you keep your gram-grams?

Any bodies buried on the property? Yeah some, but most are thrown to the gators.

Any creeping through the balmy summer night with ill intentions? Yeah dude, everyone loves a nice family stroll.

What about dangerous forbidden love? If an adult Addams isn’t incorporeal then they’re either queer or in a torrid romance with some person/thing mysteriously drawn to that awful swamp. Sometimes both at the same time. Most times actually.

Mortesha would know.

The current head of the Addams family is just as outgoing as her husband but a lot quieter and harder to read. She never really seems to get mad about much and always has a genteel smile for everyone whether they deserve it or not. A seven foot tall human shaped “Oh, bless your heart”. A perfectly composed Lady even when she’s, oh I dunno, burning down a Piggly Wiggly. You know. A regular southern mom. Chat her up at the hair salon for 50% off a jar of wasp honey with your next purchase of a mysterious but foreboding packet of herbs.

Designing her was pretty easy because I just drew a lankier Grace Jones and called it a day. I had some problems with her outfit simply because if we were going HARD southern gothic then she’d probably be wearing a white/cream dress with a fuller skirt but I thought keeping the silhouette and the black was more important. She’s supposed to be an anti southern gothic southern gothic character anyway. A woman who looks like she has a million secrets who is actually the most open person you could meet. For better or worse. The red hair came from a coloring error that I really ended up liking (my mom had red hair her whole childhood that only darkened up in high school so I can buy that an Addams can be naturally fire engine red) and the veil was to get more of that classic Morticia silhouette in there.

The Children

Sunday and Blanche are the twin children of Carlisle and Mortesha Addams. Some say the Addams clan got their cursed homestead when a wealthy local businessman made a deal with the devil and lost, leaving his grand mansion to his least favorite maid and cutting his losses once he realized that the swamp would do everything it could to drag the house into the water and take what was owed with its horrible curse. Others say that the family has just always squatted there and no one really cares because man, fuck that particular swamp. Have you been in there? Absolute horror show.

Anyway.

Blanche is the more outgoing sibling and quite the engineer/mad scientist in the making. He started going grey at 2 weeks old but considering he was also rocking some extra fingers, toes, and a tiny tail (he takes after his dad), his parents just put it on the 'not life threatening' pile and decided not to worry about it. He's the kind of smart that teachers find utterly infuriating, less a dog eagerly learning and obeying commands and more a hyena who keeps teaching itself how to pick locks. He has a few friends in his school's robotics club (which they honestly allowed him to make so the school could contain his... creations) but mostly hangs out with his sister exploring the swamp. They find all sorts of neat things in there! wedding rings, suspiciously lumpy garbage bags, cloaked cultists who can't read private property signs, it's an adventure every day!

Blanche is all about experimentation with his creations, his look, and his tether to this mortal coil. Is lipstick a cool thing to try? Let's find out. Can he get out of a strait jacket fast enough after being pushed into the depths of the swamp by his sister? let's find out. He's not dead yet and confused local doctors can attest to the fact that he's rarely attained more than a bad bruise so he's pretty set on continuing to kiss rattlesnakes on their cute little heads and have his sister practice her knife throwing at him until that fact changes.

Blanche is very much a country goth. Cowboy boots (customized by his mom), knife, and lighter are daily accessories. He likes to wear the crusty swamp jewelry they find (the rust adds a splash of color!) and despite appearances he does try to keep himself neat. He's just got  natural Grunge Colors and a tendency to wear clothes he likes until they fall apart. Pugsley always seemed the most modernly styled to me (which might just be because little boys clothes have been the same for a long time) so I wanted Blanche to be the most purposely fashionable Addams. Everyone else is goth by nature, but he's the only one truly familiar with goth as an alternative fashion.

I got really into designing Blanche because honestly, I find Pugsley to be the most boring member of the family. And he was hard to design! I had to mess with his vibe a lot to get him looking how I wanted. I know he's supposed to evoke an " 'evil' little boy next door who's parents never reign him in", but that's just goth Dennis The Menace.  I's 2020. We can at least go queer goth Calvin.

Sunday was much easier to design. Wednesday was my favorite as a child (of course) and I really wanted to keep the spirit of her look while adding things like billowy sleeves (it gets HOT down here), big poofy twists instead of braids, and a nice tie. She's a professional after all, been running the local pet cemetery since she was 6 and the previous groundskeeper met with an unfortunate accident after telling her that tarantulas don't have souls. Her specialty is creating beautiful naturalistic animal funerals similar to those that Maquenda (https://linktr.ee/artofmaquenda) makes, and she takes pride in creating miniature dioramas of her subjects after each burial which she uses as a kind of 3D catalog for future clients.

She really wants to try out her skills on humans one day. Well. Publicly try out her skills. Lotta random bodies float into the swamp. None of them have turned down her requests for diorama models so far. Most seem downright flattered. Plus, she usually figures out which graveyard/crime scene they floated over from and gets her parents to give them a lift back. She'll even help enact terrifying revenge from beyond the grave on whoever put them there if she's not, y'know, busy.

Besides arts, crafts, and pet based funerary arrangements, Sunday is an avid lover of archery (any ranged weapon really), books where little fantasy adventure animals die dramatic deaths, and history. She is That Kid who eagerly raises her hand when asked who Christopher Columbus was and ends up being sent out of class after 15 minutes for making 'a scene'. Her favorite party trick is just picking an item in the room and talking about how it relates to either some obscure historical figure with a buck wild life or a horrible disaster. At least one charity pancake breakfast ended with children in tears after her vivid description of the Great Molasses Flood of 1919.

Social-wise, while Wednesday is the girl that people ask to smile because they think she'd, "look so pretty", Sunday is rarely asked anything at all. People just kind of assume from her quiet nature (in between horrible history facts) that she's angry all the time and that she hates everyone. This is untrue. She hates some people but she's ambivalent to most everyone else and even downright friendly if you bother to talk to her like a person instead of a terrifying cryptid. Like, she IS a terrifying cryptid but she's also a little girl.  

That’s about it for now. One day I might do the other family members but for now I’m happy with the four I’ve redesigned. Making an au! Lurch in a family that doesn’t do butlers could be interesting. Over on patreon I put forth that he could just be Motesha’s mute little brother (similar bone structure) but Amy Crook had the nice idea of quote: “ a mysterious "cousin" that "helps around the house" whose origins are both long in the past and faintly unsettling. He's good for lifting heavy things, like that tank of propane you're about to throw into the burning Piggly Wiggly... “ which i now consider canon. Who's kid is he? How old is he? Not important. Anyone willing to commit arson with you is family.

Annnnyway.  This challenge was a lot of fun! I love indulging in AU’s.

[ayyezhongli]

dom student council pres zhongli x troublemaker childe

Guess who’s back :D Back with some zhonchi smut for all u sinners. Note: Theres a lot of spelling errors bc when i wrote this i was telling it to a friend n they said i should post this n i’m too lazy to edit it so yeah! enjoy <3

summary kinda: child did something n is now stuck in detention with zhongli being a kinky president of the student council watching him.

so childe is bored asf n tries seducing zhongli. but childe has always had a crush on zhongli. thats why he misbehaves to get his attention.

so zhongli says “ur here again” n sighs

“yup did you miss me?! dont answer that bc ik you did”

n zhongli sighs again all annoyed n shit

“seems you never learn”

“maybe i’m jus here bc i love n want to see you everyday”

n zhongli taking that as sarcasm rolls his eyes

“i doubt that.”

and so for like 30mins childe is making all these noises to get zhongli’s attention and annoy him which it works. and zhongli having enough of it already decides that he needs to be punished. so he gets up n walks over to the desk childe is sitting at cups his face with his hand grinning

“u rly like to get on my nerves dont you~…..” and childe’s tryna contain himself

“is it working~?”

“idk pretty boy….wanna find out for urself~…..”

n zhongli is like inches away from childe’s face. n childe still keeping his composure decides to tease back hoping to get what he’s longed for for so long.

“idk do i~?….”

and zhongli leans in n jus as hes abt to kiss childe he pulls away and walks back over to the teachers desk and childe is really disappointed bc he thought he finally had it but jus lost it. so zhongli goes back to working on his paperwork while childe is just furious.

”Is this how u treat everyone?! tease them and leave them with nothing. take advantage of us!!”

n zhongli bursts out laughing putting his papers in a neat stack

”ur quite interesting childe, if i said it was jus u would that make u feel better??”

and childe huffs rolling his eyes still rly pissed off.

“did u want more? were you expecting something more from me? something else?”

n childe blushing looks away

“fuck off”

n zhongli gets mad at the response and pulls out one of those long ass rulers n gets up n starts walking to childe.

“thats no way to speak to the student council president. you need to be punished”

so zhongli sets the ruler aside still pissed asf

“get up.” childe ignores.

”get up right now.” childe still ignores.

so zhongli grabs the ruler smacking it against the desk childe is at.

“GET UP RIGHT NOW!”

n childe jumps a little and gets up

“ok ok chill”

so childe walks over to zhongli n stands in front of him.

“im gonna punish n force you into submission until u completely submit to me”

childe laughs

“no way. you really think u can do that? just try”

“oh i will. just watch me”

(a/n: in this fic childe has bright pink sensitive nipples bc ughh 😩🤌🏾 well both of them have bright pink nipples but zhonglis r rly sensitive.)

so zhongli turns childe around n starts grinding against him causing childe to moan ever so slightly.

“do u like that~?”

n childe tryna keep his composure laughs to cover up a moan. n zhongli looks down and grins seeing childe’s hard erection through his clothes.

so zhongli reaches down n starts palming childe causing slightly louder moans to come out of his mouth.

“your so hard for me childe….what a naughty slutty little boy~“

childe loses it bc zhongli is finally saying the things he’s been dreaming of him saying. so zhongli amused starts licking the shell of his ear biting and nibbling it which makes childe blush harder. so zhongli reaches his hand down into childe’s pants and boxers and wraps his hand around childe’s dick which he almost cums. so zhongli starts pumping him n not even 30s he throws his head back on zhonglis shoulder n cums letting out a loud moan

“fuck zhongli~…..”

zhongli smirks very amused

“so quick to cum~ do i rly turn u on that much~?”

n childe fights the urge to nod his head and submit. he’s not going down without a fight.

“no i was just pent up. why would i be for someone like you!!”

zhongli snickers and slides his hands up childes shirt n starts taking it off.

“not submitting yet i see~….”

“did u think it would be that easy asshole? ha!”

so zhongli turns childe around.

“you should just give up now! your not go-“

n zhongli interrupts him with a passionate kiss. a long deep one filled with sexual tension n desire. he leaves childe blushing like crazy and gasping for air.

“what was that? i didnt catch the last part, say that again.”

“i said that i’m never gonna sub-“

n zhongli interrupts him again. same thing happens like 2 more times until childe gives up.

“can u repeat that one more time?”

and childe looks away with a annoyed expression on his face

“glad that shut u up~”

so then zhongli looks childe up and down bites his lip causing childe to blush.

“you’re kinda cute…i think i can use u….”

n childe blushes more

“and these nipples….”

zhongli says while pinching them making childe arch his back and moan loudly.

“they look pink and innocent…but when i pinch n twist them like this…”

childe lets out n even louder moan with a face flushed even more n drool running down the side of his mouth

“….you make such naughty noises and that really turns me on.”

and so zhongli continues pinch n play with them and then starts marking his neck.

“what if i made u mine hmm? my little fuck toy? or how abt pet?? you could be of some use to me….”

and all childe can do is whimper. so zhongli has him bend over on the teachers desk and pulls down childe’s pants. and he like squeezes childes plump round ass and caresses it before grabbing the ruler and spanking him with it which causes childe to moan n cum immediately.

“ur such a slutty masochist”

n childe groans n is like stuttering his words

“w-w-well ur so fucking sadis-“

n zhongli spanks him not with the ruler this time but his hand n childe jus looses it.

“ready to submit….?”

n childe tryna keep the ounce of pride he has left shakes his head.

“no!”

zhongli spanks him again.

“how abt now?”

“No!”

n so zhongli gets an idea n sticks his fingers inside childe’s mouth.

“suck”

childe does so n a minute later zhongli pulls them out.

“what are you gonna d- ahh!”

and zhongli’s fingers are wiggling around inside childe tryna get him prepared. childe has just completely lost it. he’s drooling all over the desk, moaning so loudly that if there was people here they would be able to hear, clinging onto the edge of the desk like his life is on the line.

“f-fuck zhongli…ahhh”

he’s a panting slutty mess. a fee mins later zhongli pulls his fingers out n takes off his own pants and boxers lining himself up to childes entrance. he inserts only the tip of his dick causing childe to go even more crazy if thats even possible n moan so fucking loud. but its been long enough. he wants more. more of zhongli inside him. he wants all. all of zhongli inside him. so he whimpers n cries out zhongli’s name.

“whats the problem sweetheart?”

zhongli says grinning from ear to ear.

“pls..”

childe says desperately

“pls what?”

”pls zhongli i-….”

“you…? gotta tell me what u want otherwise i wont know.��

“pls i want more of u….!!”

“beg for more than.”

“Zhongli pls i want ur cock inside me so bad. pls i’ll do anything!! just fuck me already!!”

“anything…?”

zhongli says slipping half way inside him.

“y-y-yes just pls fuck me!!”

n zhongli, a very satisfied man jus starts pounding into him hitting his g spot every time.

“Fuck! fuck! fuck! FUCK! ZHONGLI PLS SLOW DOWN AHH~!!”

n that only makes zhongli speed up and childe cums like multiple times. after a while, giving a few last thrusts zhongli comes for the second time inside childe. and pulls out while childe just drops to the floor completely unable to move or anything. jus a panting blushing hot slutty mess with zhongli’s cum dripping out of him. all pride lost. pulling his pants and boxers back on zhongli lifts him up to his feet and bc childe has no strength he just falls onto zhongli resting his head on his shoulder.

“now that you’ve completely submit to me, ur all mine~….mine to do whatever i pls with. mine and only mine. No one else….”

and childe jus nods groaning bc of the pain.

”i hope u learned ur lesson now. unless…. you wanna comeback again for another visit…”

n childe jus groans again.

“i see the way you look at me childe….a look filled with lust and desire…its really quite a turn on~….. you look so desperately….so needy….so vulnerable…the amount of times i wanted to bend you over and fuck u so hard until you cant walk is too much to count. i wanted to make you mine so no one else could have that innocent slutty little boy who’s just oozing with sexual desire. any man or woman would get turned on n wanna have there way with you. u needed to be protected and only by me.”

so zhongli grinds his teeth bc of how possessive he is.

“so no one but me can fuck u stupid. and now that ur finally mine…i dont have to worry abt it so much as before”

n so zhongli strokes childe’s hair n plants a kiss on his head.

“you’re my precious little play thing.”

and childe, burying his face into zhongli’s chest smiles bc thats all he ever wanted. and then he looks up at zhongli as zhongli looks down at him smiling.

“zhongli…?”

”yes?”

“if all u said was true….why were u such an asshole to me. you were stricter on me than others, ruder to me than others, tougher on me then others….so why?”

“why?”

zhongli chuckles n childe nods

“to keep a good reputation, but i also wanted to push you, everytime u got angry and gave me attitude it only turned me on. which is why i kept going….does that answer ur question?”

n childe grunts

“u sadistic fuck!”

n zhongli laughs

“says the one who got turned on every time i public humiliated or yelled at you….”

“thats not true!!”

“uh-huh…the sexual energy u admit would become stronger and i could hear your breathing getting heavier with breathy tiny moans and u would always part ur lips slightly and rub ur thighs together and on top of that, ur eyes squint ever so slightly.”

childe was speechless bc this whole time he thought he was being slick.

“w-w-well that doesnt matter!”

childe said huffing and zhongli only chuckled and kissed his head.

“hey childe…”

“what!”

“i love you….”

childe was blushing like crazy. never in a million years did he think zhongli would say that.

“you can’t just go randomly saying those things?!!”

childe said burying his face deeper into zhonglis chest.

“b-but i love you too i guess…”

he mumbled and zhongli smirked.

“look at me.”

childe looked up into zhonglis ambers eyes embarrassed asf.

“wh-wh-what is it?”

“you’re really cute yk.”

n zhongli leaned down slightly and kissed him before he could say anything else. the end :)

thanks for reading and hope you enjoyed even though its formatted weird and kinda sorta a story. 🥰

[cherryonigiri]

nanami kento [evenings with you]

nanami kento x reader || cw: descriptions of blood/injuries, light angst

a/n: this is just self-indulgent writing for me but i'm v stressed about school rn and this is the result. just imagine that y/n is a bio/medical phd candidate lol.

Nanami can tell that you're stressed. Usually you savor the nights he's not on overtime, asking him about work and refusing to leave his side for most of the evening. He's used to you being attentive, so the fact that you've asked him the same question twice within the last ten minutes is already setting alarm bells ringing in his head. You're constantly fiddling with something, or flashing furtive glances towards the bedroom when you think he's not paying attention.

It only gets worse after dinner. You insist on washing up, something about how you want him to 'enjoy his night off.' Nanami compromises, silently grabbing a towel and drying the dishes. It's clear that your mind is elsewhere. Your hands scrub the porcelain on autopilot, and he can hear you muttering under your breath.

Every now and then you'll mutter a list of tasks under your breath. Nanami remembers you mentioning that things were hectic in lab. You're almost always still working when gets home from work, even when it's well past when you eat your dinner. It's clear that you've had a busy day-- the apartment is far more cluttered than it usually is. There are post-it and pieces of scrap paper stuck to every single surface, and a forgotten pile of folded laundry rests on the couch.

An intense burning sensation across your palm causes you cry out. "Shit!" You drop the knife you were washing in favor of cradling your already bleeding hand. Nanami is instantly by your side, firmly pressing the dishcloth against your cut. There is a worrying amount of red seeping into the fabric, so he silently ushers you to the bathroom.

It's a strange reversal of roles. He's used to being the one leaning leaning against the counter while you bandage his wounds. Instead, it's you who is perched on the marble surface, wincing as he dabs an antiseptic soaked cotton ball against your injury. "Sorry, I'm almost done," he says when you let out a loud hiss.

"It's fine," you reply, sheepishly looking away. "I should have been paying more attention."

Nanami chooses to only respond with a nonchalant hum, focusing on cleaning your palm. The two of you sit there in comfortable silence while he applies ointment to the cut, adding gauze once he's finished. It's only when he reaches for the bandages that he decides to ask. "What's stressing you out?"

Your eyes widen as you realize you've been caught. Nanami is rarely home early these days, especially since he's been mentoring Itadori on behalf of Gojo. (Not that you mind - in the few times you've met Itadori through video call with Nanami, the pink-haired student's sunny disposition has never failed to cheer you up.) When he'd texted you saying he'd be home by dinner, you'd jumped at the opportunity to spend some much needed time with him. You'd pulled out the stops, cooking something a little fancier, and intent on spending the earlier part of the evening cuddling with him. Secretly, you had planned to sneak out of bed after he'd fallen asleep (he always goes to bed early on days like these) and finish preparing for the gauntlet of meetings and presentations you had tomorrow. It was your fault for putting off the tasks, and you didn't want to let your own bad habits get in the way of some quality time with your boyfriend.

"It's nothing, I just have a lot on my plate tomorrow." You do your best to laugh it off, but quickly trail off once when you catch Nanami's deadpan expression. He's always been too good at seeing through your white lies. "I put off some work..." A raised eyebrow from him prompts you to continue, "And I was planning on doing it after you went to bed..." You can't help it when your face scrunches into a pout. After all, now your carefully-laid deception has been revealed.

When Nanami bursts into amused chuckles, you're momentarily surprised, but quickly go back to sulking. "Stop laughing at me Ken!" you whine, "I'm a--"

"Self-aware procrastinator," he finishes your sentence with an amused grin. "I know love, I know. I've seen you write far too many papers within 24-hours of a deadline to be surprised." He presses an affectionate kiss against your wrist.

You scowl at your boyfriend, snatching your bandaged hand away from his grasp. "I'm glad that my suffering is entertaining for at least one person." You stomp back to the bedroom in faux-anger, smiling when you hear Nanami's footsteps not far behind you.

When he steps into the bedroom Nanami drapes his frame over your shoulders, his warm torso nestled against your back. "It is one of your more...endearing traits," he murmurs into your ear before pressing a kiss into the crook of your neck. You can feel your cheeks and ears tingle at his words of affection.

"Sometimes you can be such a sweet talker," you mumble to yourself while you change into your pajamas. This week it's been an old Jujutsu tech hoodie and a pair of well-worn athletic shorts.

"Only for you," Nanami replies while he undoes the buttons of his outfit, chucking his tan pants and blue button up into the laundry basket in the corner. He dons a pair of sweatpants before returning your side to recapture you in another affectionate hug. It's a well kept secret of the Kento-Y/N household that Nanami Kento likes to lounge around shirtless in the privacy of his apartment. (You've been sworn to secrecy, but only because your boyfriend claims that Gojo and the students would have a field day teasing him if this information were to be made public amongst the jujutsu sorcerer community.)

Turning around, you wrap your arms around his waist, burying your nose against his torso and taking in his comforting scent. It's been so long since the two of you have had a moment to yourselves, and for once your hectic thoughts are silenced in favor of sharing a moment of calm bliss with Nanami. He hums in appreciation, thumbs rubbing soothing circles against your hips.

"Do you want to watch anything tonight?" you ask after a few seconds of silence.

"No," he replies. "I was actually planning on reading the briefing Ichiji just sent me. Gojo apparently has another scheme up his sleeve." You giggle when your boyfriend lets out a pained sigh. On more than one occasion, your boyfriend has ranted to you about Gojo's unorthodox approach to exorcism. "I swear that idiot shaves a year off my lifespan every time I go on a mission with him," Nanami complains. "He's taking away the years I could spend in Malaysia."

You hum thoughtfully before responding, "Then do you mind--"

Once again, Nanami already knows what you're going to say. "Just remember to bring your laptop charger, I know you have a thousand tabs open on your computer right now," he says while exiting to the living room. After a few moments you join him, overburdened laptop and charger in hand. You both take your usual spots in the living room, him resting comfortably in the center of the loveseat and you sitting on a floor cushion, nestled between his legs. Soon you've fallen into a groove, fingers steadily typing on the keyboard. The warmth of Nanami's presence next to you brings a sense of calm, giving you the grounding focus you need to finish off the last of your tasks.

As he thumbs through the printouts Ichiji gave him, Nanami can't help but let his eyes drift towards you every now and then. You look so adorable when you work. From the way your brow furrows whenever you reread a line, to the way you unconsciously chew on your lip when you scrutinize your draft for any errors. Every now and then he'll gently run his fingers through your hair, relishing the content sighs you let out in response.

It only takes about another hour before you're (finally) closing all your tabs (he still doesn't know why your laptop hasn't crashed yet). As you scroll through social media, your head begins to droop. Soon enough you've fallen asleep, breaths coming in soft and even puffs as you rest against his thigh. Smiling to himself, he puts down his papers and gently lifts your body from the floor. He's careful not to wake you as he slowly makes his way back to the bedroom.

Setting you on the bed, he tucks you under the blankets before lying beside you. The moonlight coming through your window softly illuminates your relaxed features, and he softly traces the outline of your face with his thumb. As he continues to caress your cheek, his eyes are drawn to the dark circles under your eyes. He rarely falls asleep after you these days - between his physically demanding occupation and the ever growing number of things you are responsible for at work- he's often the first to fall asleep from sheer exhaustion while you work well into the night. Not to mention that he's had to spend an increasing number of nights away from you, either on challenging missions or accompanying Gojo's students. And while he knows most of your stress comes from being a student, he can't help but feel guilty about all the additional distress his status as a jujutsu sorcerer has caused you.

When you started dating him, you insisted that Shoko teach you how to suture. He hates how much your stitches have improved since then. The neatness of your stitches is a constant reminder of how much you've endured because of him. When he hears you trying to muffle your sobs into a pillow, he swears he can feel his heart crack in his chest, hurting more than any kind of physical wound from battle. Those nights end with him holding you tightly to his bandaged chest, murmuring reassurances and affection into the crown of your head until you've calmed down enough to fall into a fitful sleep. Even when you're unconscious he'll still continue, words morphing into apologies for the sadness he's inflicted upon your shoulders.

Feeling his eyelids being to droop, Nanami presses one last kiss against your forehead before laying down. He wraps his arms around your waist, surrounding you with warmth, hoping that his presence will be enough to keep your nightmares away, at least for tonight. I love you, y/n is the last thought he has before he drifts away, ready to dream of a tropical sunset and a peaceful future with you by his side.

[abtheb]

BOTW Rito Devblog (Part 1)

After going through my 2021 art files, I thought it could be interesting to do some sort of timelapse/process for how I make models - not that I expect anyone would actually be interested, or to suggest that I, in any way, know what I'm doing. If nothing else, it would be fun to look back next year/later at my silly past practices and enjoy seeing my progress in retrospect.

I'm entirely self-taught thanks to youtube tutorials, a lot of trial and error, and very patient and incredibly wise developer friends who dummy down their answers to my questions about the more tech-side of this hobby. I started around two years ago with the mindset that, much like being a meaty beef man irl, it's all about making the time to put in effort and practice consistently, and enjoying what you do.

Hence, the joy of playing/replaying old games with an artist's eye and making models from them. Dragon Quest 11, World of Warcraft, LoZ Majora's Mask, Banjo Kazooie - it's been a lot of fun to re-experience these games from this new perspective, and a lot of good practice to make models based on the work of vastly superior artists.

So all that to say, that this is a brief, incomplete, amateurishly-considered process for how I made the Rito I posted the other day using Blender 3.0.

References

Play a game, find a neat model, take screenshots of it - from the front, sides, back, close-ups of the face, cutscenes, whatever. I chose Teba because he's neat and because I don't trust my skills enough to do Kass the justice he deserves.

I try to ensure that for the front/side/back references, the scaling of the subject is as close to identical as possible. It's worth taking the time to take good in-game screenshots, as it will really help make things easier throughout the whole process.

2. Shape a torso cube

We start with the torso, and ultimately used one cube for the entire model's mesh - except the clothes, which I would add at the end. We also mirror the cube along the middle, as Teba is photogenically symmetrical.

Using front-orthographic view (shortcut: Numpad 1) to align the cube with the torso, we make a few loop cuts (shortcut: Ctrl+R) and start shaping the silhouette as seen from the front, grabbing the edges (G) and moving them along the X axis (shortcut: X). If viewed from the side, the above/below would still look like a square.

Grab edges and move them along the X axis to create the form

Swap between front and side orthographic view (numpad 3) and repeat the process. However, since we want to keep the front silhouette accurate, we move the vertices rather than the edges. X-Ray mode helps to line up the proportions.

Grab vertices and move them along the Y and Z axes

The mirror will act as an additional edge, so the end result is hexagonal when viewed from above.

Top orthographic view (Numpad 7)

In my unfortunate experience, it can be easy to get carried away and start making tons of loop cuts to try and refine the shape to a high detail early. Since this model will not be very low poly, some extra loop cuts are needed to round out the torso and prepare to extrude arms and legs - but practice and trial and error (mostly error) has shown me that fewer is better, and that each cut should be made thoughtfully.

Thoughtful loop cuts

To that end, we make 1 loop cut across the front, and 2 across the side - then continue to refine the shape. Swap continuously between front and side orthographic views, turning X-Ray mode on and off as needed. Using a combination of Grab (G), Edge Slide (GG), and locking grabs to axes (X, Y, or Z to lock in the respective axis), we can move each vertex in place until we get a shape we are happy with. Keeping the vertex count low by avoiding too many loop cuts makes this process quicker and more manageable - though I ended up adding a few additional loop cuts along the height to get the curvy figure just right.

Our immediate goal is two-fold:

Complete the general profile of the torso

Anticipate the location of, and prepare those areas for, extruding arms, legs, head (I forgot about the tail until the model was basically done, but luckily the topology was clean enough to extrude it painlessly right at the end)

Predicted arm location

Moving these vertices into place and cleaning the topology of the mesh is a bit painstaking, but (imo) it is also meditative and very satisfying when you get the shape right. Take your time, because the cleaner the mesh is, the fewer problems you will have later when extruding limbs, texturing, and rigging the model. Though that being said, don't lose your mind getting the vertices just right - because you will inevitably come back and make topology adjustments throughout the modeling process anyways.

When you've reached a shape you like, shade it smooth, save your progress, take a step back, and enjoy your cube.

Completed torso

I'll post the next parts of this under the "rito art devblog" tag.

[lazzledazzler]

Lazzle's Rune Factory 5 Review

Alright so here are my thoughts and experiences with RF5! This is a big boy so buckle in earthmates...

Obviously this review will contain spoilers, read at your own risk.

Initial thoughts upon playing...

Great opening! I enjoyed the jazz music~ I did feel like it leaned a bit more towards the male player though. It definitely feels like a rune factory game. It's familiar, and controls are easy to get accustomed to for the most part. The mold is there and rf5 doesn't stray too far from its predecessors which is comforting for veterans. That being said, I'm not going to pull any punches and will critique this game harshly. Keep in mind as updates for the game are released not all things discussed in this review will be as relevant overtime!

Let's hear some thoughts on...

The story/plot. The plot is enjoyable overall. I'm not crazy about the whole Seed organization thing but it was a neat idea. They address the Sechs Territory and it is confirmed that the game takes place some decades after RF4. But by the end of it, I didn't feel like I really accomplished anything because it felt like I barely did anything really. Also they left a lot of stuff unanswered. I'm not even sure I understood the message they were sending, if they were trying to send a message at all. The main story is too short, and it doesn't involve enough of the townsfolk. You're basically doing everything yourself in secret the whole time and the townsfolk barely know what's actually going on. Out of the love interests, Lucas plays the largest part in the story, followed by Priscilla and Scarlett. The story feels targeted at male audiences--at least that's how I felt. You, the player, have a larger role in the game, much like in RF3 and I was glad to see this. As of right now there are only two arcs. Praying for DLC 3rd arc...!

Protagonists. The latest protagonists to join the crew of Earthmates are...decent. Their designs are nothing special unfortunately, though I appreciate Alice's more than Ares's. Appearance-wise they lack personality and creativity. Personality wise I am pleasantly surprised with how sociable they are. They're not exactly quick witted and sassy like Lest/Frey were in rf4, or as endearing as Micah in rf3, but they have a certain realness to them that makes their reactions to things believable. I'm certain Xseed will see to making them a bit more sarcastic in their localizing efforts, so let's all look forward to that. Overall though, while I appreciate their mannerisms, they don't really measure up to all the previous amnesiacs we've grown to love over the decades.

Characters. Overall I enjoy all the characters introduced in Rune Factory 5! I feel like there is someone for everyone in this game on some level. The voice acting was pretty good for every character. The designs are very much Rune factory. Like OG runefa, compared to rf4 ( 4 kind of strayed from their usual style) which I like. Characters still have their own signature quirks that you find endearing. Although I would have liked to see more variety? Like we've had mermaids, univir, half monsters, vampires, etc in previous titles but rf5 only gives us the usual (half) elf, dwarf, and then a succubus (physically she doesn't have unique features aside from the ears and heart eyes), and some were-people. I was hoping for something more unique to really give that classic runefa vibe.

Dungeons/Battles. I'm pretty split on this one. On the one hand, the dungeons have more depth due to the 3D aspects. They've included more contraptions that are very fun to see even if they aren't executed that well. So I'm grateful for that. On the other hand, the dungeons are insanely short imo. It doesn't take long at all to get to the boss. The puzzles are also pretty subpar and few compared to RF4. Fighting monsters is similar to the other games. You can lock on now but I only use it when I'm trying to use my Seed Circle. The lock on feature is actually counter-intuitive and makes it harder to dodge. Weapon mechanics have shifted a bit. There’s a feature that makes you invincible to damage if you time the R button dash correctly. Axes and Hammers are significantly slower than in older games? Like. I thought I was in slow motion it was so slow. Lances are also harder to use as well? I'm questioning my sanity here. I don't know if it's a bug or intentional either.

Farming. Not much has changed from previous games mechanics wise. They added new types of special crops which is neat. The camera view changes to overhead when you go near your fields though, and it can make you dizzy/uncomfortable. It actually makes it a bit difficult to see at times so I wish there was a way to adjust the angle. If you are tilling corn or dried weeds to improve the soil, you need to place them separately if you don't want to use the entire stack. Otherwise, it will till the entire stack on the land if you place them all down at once. The flower shop is unlocked late in the story. Weird thing to do considering you need flowers to make medicine. Not to mention the fact that you wont have access to the fertilizer that increases defense against typhoons? During typhoon season? Thinking emoji...

The town. I have to say Rigbarth's design is poor compared to Sharance, Selphia, etc. It's too big and it takes too long to get around. Everything is too spaced out and there aren't enough warp points to make it easier on players. I don't want to walk an entire mile up a hill to talk to one person and then walk all the way down to the beach to speak to another. It doesn’t really feel like a ‘town’.

OST/BGM. Music was good, though nothing really stood out to me where I'd go "damn this slaps" or something. I think they might've had some old soundtracks from rf2 or something because it felt really nostalgic at times.

We need an exterminator. (Bugs Bugs Bugs)

Marvelous, I don't know how to tell you this buuut...your customers are NOT your testers. When you release a game, you need to make sure it's not littered with glitches because customers don't enjoy dealing with them and will drop the game!

Here are some of the types of glitches I encountered:

Crashing. Game would randomly crash or freeze and close at any moment. Sooooo frustrating! Sometimes you get lucky with the autosave feature, but the autosave only activates every morning at 6am in your room and then when you warp to a dungeon level/floor. So when you're in the middle of your daily tasks in town and it crashes, you have to start all over. Marveloussss no one enjoys losing their progress in a game I promise you that much.

Lag. The dialogue bar is seriously slow, especially after loading your file. Crafting/Cooking screen lags. When you press the Y button to skip through dialogue it lags like hell. Pretty much after every time you load the game will lag, the audio will lag if you're in a battle, everything is just. so. slow.

Repeating dialogue. So if you close your game entirely (or if it crashes) naturally you'll reload your file to continue where you left off. There's a bug that will cause all NPCs to repeat the last dialogue that occurred from whatever plot related thing you did last. So for example, if the last thing you did in the story was unlock Ludmilla, everyone in town will naturally have some dialogue about her. But even after seeing all this dialogue and even saving, if the game is closed and reloaded you'll have to read all that dialogue again from townsfolk. It got really annoying after a while.

Monster taming. One time I tamed a monster but once I named it and hit 'ok' the monster never showed up in my barns? Just. gone. Okaaaay then...? Additionally, I expanded one of my monster barns but all of the monsters I tamed wouldn't appear in the added room. You get 4 monsters for each room but the monsters I tamed would show up in the original room. Meaning I had like 7 monsters in one room! I tried to bring them into the newly added room but they would just warp back to the other room. Sad.

Pond Glitch. I fished in the pond located in Sasayaki Forest and left the fish I caught but didn't want laying around the water's edge. If you leave fish around the pond's edge and go to sleep, the next morning you will be teleported to the pond and trigger the fairy dialogue as if you had thrown all of the fish into the pond??? So the dialogue of her telling you she wants 'X item, not this!' will trigger over and over for all of the fish you left at the water's edge. RIP.

Party member Bug. I had Martin in my party and I made him leave. Then when I went into my monster barns to get a monster pal to join me instead it showed me Martin's portrait???? Also I've encountered a bug where I can no longer ask anyone to join my party for some unknown reason. The R &L button prompt was just gone when I reloaded.

Errors. When cooking or crafting, the dialogue box shows up sometimes...

Typos. Random average typo here and there. Not a real biggie but there is one instance where the heroine will use the japanese male pronoun "boku" instead of "watashi" which really convinced me that this game was completely intended for men lol.

Let's talk about Pros

The good stuff. The stuff that makes you all warm and fuzzy inside.

Plot Advancing. Now I'm gonna put this as a pro because I'm certain the average player will enjoy this even though I do not. There are now markers on the map to show you where to go to advance the plot. This is all well and dandy, but it also made the story less appealing for me because you don't need to go around town and speak to residents for clues or assistance to advance anything in the story.

3D Graphics The 3D models are all amazing. The interior designs of the houses/buildings are also incredibly detailed and realistic.

Collecting items. Now there's a feature that will allow you to collect items into your inventory just by walking over them. This is pretty neat and welcome for the most part. Once the item is sparkling, you can walk over it and it'll go into your rucksack automatically. This also makes lumbering and mining go much faster. Yay!

The miraculous L pocket. Now you can customize the categories that appear in your L pocket by going to the rucksack tab in the menu. This is a super neat feature that makes things easier on players who want to manage their items in a format that suits them.

Weapon/Tool Toggling. You can now toggle between your equipped weapon and tool by pressing the left or right buttons on the trackpad.

Collecting lumber/material stone. Oh lord this is probably the most welcome improvement moving forward from the previous game. You can now put all of the lumber and material stone from your inventory into its storage at once. This also applies to fodder for tamed monsters. Well done Hakama.

Autosave. This feature is a welcome addition to the series. The game will save your data every morning and every time you enter a dungeon. Autosave has really saved my ass a few times when I made a huge error in judgement so I'm incredibly grateful for this feature. And it doesn't save over your actual save file--there's a separate autosave file at the very top. So if you messed up something but already saved on your main file, you can still salvage your mistake by reloading the autosave! I just wish it activated a bit more often sometimes.

Warping. Now we can warp to each level in a dungeon as well as certain places on the map in town. It's pretty convenient for the most part.

Increased party members. Now you can have up to 3 members in your party! Hooray! Party members act more intelligently than in older games. Scarlett can use the Seed circle to assist you in fights. I think she also tosses healing potions at you occasionally. So far, no one has tossed a dish at me if I haven't eaten like Kiel and Clorica did in rf4. But I have been hit by a failed dish (from reinhardt?) and a healing potion (from scarlett). Scarlett, Priscilla, and Reinhardt are the most helpful when dungeon crawling in my experience. Some of them however, (looking at you Doug) don't shut the hell up with their one line of dialogue they have and repeat it constantly.

Seed Circle. This neat feature allows you to capture monsters. By charging it and releasing you can capture monsters for the bounty system or add them to your party temporarily. If you throw it without charging it, you can stun monsters in place momentarily or grab things from far away. When stunning monsters, it can also give you the monster's drop item occasionally. Unfortunately it uses a lot of RP so it can be difficult at times.

Combo attacks. This is a neat feature that I appreciate and use often for boss fights. They do some serious damage so it's good to save them for the bosses. The actual cutscenes aren't that impressive, and feel kind of subpar when you get down to it but I think it's a start in the right direction.

Farm Dragons. I'm listing this as a pro although I really just see it as a new feature. Farm dragons have fields on their backs that you can place monster barns on and farm on. Giving them certain crystals will give your fields boosts in certain criteria, like length of growth, soil quality, you get it. I personally don't use the crystals because I couldn't give a shit lmao I have men and women to woo here. But if you're into this kinda thing then it's a pro.

Storage. When opening your storage box, fridge, etc. you can actually hit the R & L buttons to switch between ALL of your other storages. Looooove thissss. Great addition. So much faster to put items away in their respective places.

Crafting/Forging. Now we can also use the R & L buttons to alternate between the different weapon types/accessory/gear types instead of having to exit the menu and going back in each time you want to make something different.

Cooking. More recipes have been added. Yay!

Days are longer now. More time to get shit doneeeee ayyyy

Fishing. They've added many more fish to the game! Now the player will shout something when you get a bite, making it easier for you to hit B at the right moment. Nice. Also if you fail or press B too early, the fish doesn't vanish most of the time. Also nice. There is now a feature to fish with another person's assistance. Once a day you can investigate the sign near the fishing station and someone might offer to lend you a hand. Press the B button at the right moments on the slider and you can get a rare fish that can't be caught normally.

Monsters. New types of monsters! Love the designs. Even the monsters that are the same but just have different skins are really neat. They look great in the 3D format too. You can even ride with up to two people on certain monsters! Some bosses had awesome designs while others...were bad.

New Types of Furniture. The carpenter store has a wide arrange of furniture you can buy for your home. It also has wallpapers and stuff which is really neat. Though unfortunately you can't even sit on some of the furniture so that's a shame.

Events. Now there is a system where events are triggered by approaching an icon on the map. This is probably an improvement to RF4's randomized system, though personally I found it annoying because it meant that I had to see the events before I could just enter a building normally. Sometimes I just wanted to get shit done and not have to read through walls of text for someone's love event when I just want to buy something.

Voiced Lines. The protagonist seems to have more voiced lines, as do other characters. Good!

Let's talk about Cons

Not including glitches. Oh boy. So many cons. Where do I start?

Dialogue. Probably the most notable con in the entire game. The dialogue is drastically minimal in comparison to previous games, especially rf4. There is probably a quarter of the amount of dialogue compared to rf4's insane amount of content if not less. Townsfolk repeat themselves. Often. Too often. Am I playing Harvest Moon? Originally I thought it was because the dialogue is randomized, but I think it's actually because more dialogue is unlocked as you raise townspeople's FP. Despite this, there's no linear build up where you start off as acquaintances and eventually become very close like in rf4 because of how sporadic the LP/FP is. Townsfolk don't even talk to each other. One of the greatest perks about runefa is the conversations townsfolk can have with one another. Residents randomly gathering in small groups to talk about anything. Previously you could add someone to your party and sometimes a dialogue will occur if you speak to the right person at the right time with that person in your party. This is nonexistent now. The only time they do this in rf5 is during the festivals. But, it will only trigger if you have unlocked all the characters in each marriageable lineup and they can't be in your party. The residents will talk about one another but that's pretty much it outside of town events. They got rid of all the minor dialogue that occurs too. Trying to sleep in someone's bed while they're right there? They wont comment. Inspecting objects in stores while the shopkeeper is present? Wont say anything. Take a character with you to a dungeon/boss fight? Their lips are sealed. Where's my sense of community? :(

FP/LP This ties into the dialogue issue. The rate at which LP/FP increases is sporadic as hell. You can go from 1FP/LP to 4FP/LP just by giving a gift sometimes. I wouldn't even speak to people and their affinity increased by like triple for no reason. Then it increases by like 2% for the longest time. Argh!!!

Graphics. I don't consider myself very picky when it comes to graphics. I don't really mind that the foliage and scenery are at the level of a ps2 game at best. I tried playing on my television initially, but the lag and camera operability was too much so I fully switched (haha puns) to handheld. One thing that sucked is that I literally cannot tell the difference between medicinal herbs, antidote grasses, and green grasses without the captions because the graphics are so indistinguishable. So when you're trying to pick up multiples of those items by holding the A button, you're just randomly walking over anything green in the hopes that you'll get the right ones...

Lack of Sound Effects. Something I noticed is they got rid of the sound effects that will play when you complete a puzzle or add someone to your party. When you try to brush a monster there's no sound for the '♪' they make when you successfully brush them. So it was hard for me to tell if I had actually brushed them or not. I was a bit saddened by the lack of cute sounds.

Too much free range. From the very beginning of the game, you're allowed to go pretty much wherever you want when leaving town. It was too easy to stumble into high enemy level territory without knowing, so when I was like level 5 so I got KO'd immediately.

Artwork. The portraits seem to be lower in quality somehow. Runefa has always had shitty portrait art imo but this time it's even worse. Many character's eyes looked fucked up. Though the 3D models are insanely good for mostly every character except Terry. Terry's 3D model looks Terryfying and I prefer his portrait.

Festivals. They've added some new festivals. Some I enjoy. Some not so much. They changed the format of the eating contest. It's horrible. Good luck with that one.

L pocket + R button? They got rid of the feature that lets you skip to the other end of your items when opening the L pocket by pressing R button. I really liked that feature because it made it faster to reach my items so I was bummed that they got rid of it.

Gotta go fast. Now when you speak to someone, it doesn't 'stop time' as you might say it did in previous games. So people are still moving about as you speak to someone, making it harder to catch up to people! Annoying!!!

Catch and release? Not in my farming simulator! Say goodbye to being able to toss a fish you caught back into the water. In fact, say goodbye to tossing anything you don't want anymore into the water. Now you just have an army of fish flopping on the ground around you. And with the auto pick up feature, they're probably going to end up in your inventory anyways once you try to move. There are still certain ponds with fairies that you can toss stuff into, but you'll have to deal with the fairy harping at you for giving her something she doesn't want.

Shop Hours. Oh god. The shop owners don't even open their stores at the correct hours? It says open at 9am. If you speak to them they won't open their store until like 9:07??? But Priscilla and Lucy will show up to work their part-time jobs at around 8:30am and you can buy stuff through them before 9am. So the actual shop owners (for the bread shop and general store) are pointless usually. Additionally, if the store is empty (but open) you can no longer add a shopkeeper into your party and then enter their store with them to buy things from them. Why. Just why. When you want to buy something that only a specific person sells (Only Hina sells fish, only Heinz sells misc items) you have to wait for them to finally decide to work in their own store. Wonderful.

Monster Item drops. Maybe I'm crazy but the monster drops are seriously a lot harder to get than in previous games. Especially boss drops. It's almost impossible to get the rare drops now. I don't even want to try anymore. And as far as I know, the only place to buy monster items is through Heinz, but his items are actually misc. items, not specifically monster drops. So you'll be lucky to check his store (whenever tf he decides to actually work) for any monster items you might want instead of farming for the drops. Sighs.

Difficulty. This game is too easy. There is little to no challenge whatsoever. I had to increase the difficulty setting to hard mode and it was still too easy. I beat it at level 139, never once did I need to grind or level. In fact, your character levels up way too quickly for the pace of the story. I had zero trouble with any of the bosses and even the final boss was a breeze. Quite sad. Though because I am not new to the franchise, it's likely that newcomers would have some trouble in the later parts of the story.

Fishing cons. Idk how you fck up fishing but they sure did. You have to stand further back now because the pole is so long that you'll miss the fish you're aiming for. In fact, it's seriously hard to aim period. You'll end up recasting more often than not. Fish come in the various sizes but they don't seem to have the darker or faded characteristics that can indicate whether it's a rare fish or not. The graphics make it hard to tell. The pros that i've already mentioned are welcomed but it doesn't negate the fact that I do not enjoy fishing like I did in previous games.

Mining/Lumbering Cons. You can no longer strike three times consecutively when mining/lumbering. This sucks lol. Even when you upgrade your axe or hammer, powering up the tool does nothing for getting wood and material stone--it only expands the area of your strike. So it takes longer to get wood/stone from stumps and rocks now since you have to strike the full 9 times but it's not too bad. It's also harder to aim now as well so that's also unfortunate.

Seasonal Fields? Kiss them goodbye! That's right, there are no seasonal fields in rf5 because devs are insane! You instead have the farm dragons that seem to look seasonal based on the fact that they are designed after elements like earth, water, and fire. But no, these dragons are simply extra fields for you to use. Here's a spoiler: you're not going to use those fields. You're just not. They're kinda useless unless you're obsessed with farming. Now you have to grow your crops out of season like the sad farmer that you are.

Farming cons. Seeds no longer tell you how long it takes to grow the crop. Why. As of June 29th, they fixed this with an update. But I still had to play the whole game without it so fuck you marvelous. The joystick is really sensitive? So when you're trying to use a fertilizer or something on your field you're likely to place it on the wrong 4x4 tile, wasting your fertilizer. So it’s best to hold down the R button when farming. Also the crops look uglie as hell.

Sleeping and warping cutscenes. Just like in rf4 there's a cutscene when you go to sleep that can be skipped easily by pressing A. In rf5, there's a cutscene to sleep and a cutscene when waking up. It takes a bit more than a second to skip these scenes so it gets annoying after a while. Warping is this new feature that replaces our beloved escape spell. Overall I appreciate the feature but I hate it for two reasons. One: there's an annoying ass cutscene for it each time you use it that could be much shorter. And Two: townsfolk now use warp even when inside the town. In previous games, someone exiting your party in town would just manually run to wherever they need to be. So you could easily chase after them if you need to talk to them or give them something. Now, party members use warp regardless of where you are at the time. So say you have someone at 7 hearts and you want to try confessing to them. You would have them join your party, save your game, and then have them leave your party and immediately speak to them and confess before they can run off. If it doesn't work you reload until it does. In RF5 this wouldn't work anymore because they will warp. Now you would have to save, run around town trying to find this person and hope they accept the confession. Otherwise you'll have to play hide and seek again because reloading your file will randomize the resident's locations (if they are not working in a shop)!!!! I often just waited until a festival day because then they will be at the plaza for most of the day and it has a warp point there.

Crafting/Forging/Cooking. They've removed the feature where you can press Y on the ingredients in the menu to add more of that particular item. I miss this feature :'(

Lacks incentive. There is no trophy room from my knowledge. The final dungeon that is meant to be like the sharance maze/rune prana isn't that hard to beat for skilled players and is only 20 floors. After you beat the main story and this dungeon there's not much else to do really.

Request Board. Unlike in rf4, you need to make sure you have accepted requests before you complete them or else it will not count. Previously, you could complete all sorts of tasks and Eliza would still recognize your work even if you accept their request after the fact. ie, shipping goods, harvesting crops, etc. So make sure you don't harvest your special crops before accepting the request it's for!

Return of the "Loli" Dragons... Yeah you read that right. We got more dragons in children's(???) bodies with skimpy clothes. I don't know anymore????¿¿¿

Can't marry the Milfs or Dilfs. Tragic.

Still no homo. Grow up Marvelous.

Reverse Proposal? Reverse Uno card-- Laid low by the patriarchy. You now have to buy the double bed and craft an engagement ring to propose to your man if you're playing as Alice. Marvelous this isn't what we meant when we said we wanted equal rightsssssss This can be seen as a pro if you're a softhearted babey who doesn't like rejecting bachelors' proposals because you feel bad :'( But this is a con for me because I don't want to spend money and materials on a double bed dammit!!!

Misc. Still can't stack dishes or fish. There's no green elemental fairy???All the other elemental ones are there except the green one? why??? Still can't tame the giant Wooly. Some bosses that have insanely awesome designs cannot be tamed and makes me wanna eat glass.

Let's talk about Love~

Relationships. We want them. And half of us only play these games for them. I've only played as the female heroine so far but I'll be updating this review as soon as I finish with the bachelorettes as the male hero.

Confessions

As usual, we must raise the love points of our beloved to 7 hearts before we can attempt to date them. However unlike in rf4, if you fail at a confession once, you will need to raise the LP up an entire level before you can try again with any chance of success. It's imperative you save before attempting a confession now.

Love Events

Each love interest has two love events that must be seen before you can date them. They're reminiscent of older game's style but I felt they could have been a biiiit more interactive or so? Or involved the town a bit more for some of them.

Dating

Once you get your honey to be your bf/gf, you get to choose the nicknames as usual. Then you can go on dates. The first three (non-festival) dates are actually events. You need to see all three events to get married.

Marriage Event

The final event you need to clear before you can marry your sweetie. In my honest opinion, so far for the boys, these events were rather disappointing. They lacked the drama and angst that sort of 'test' the love between the two when compared to rf4. Also this is a huge con for me personally and a minor spoiler but there are no special cutscenes at the end of the marriage event like in rf4. Instead, the cutscene takes place during your actual wedding. I was saddened by this because it took away the depth from the marriage events and the actual character? As it is just a cut and paste type of thing instead of an original cutscene for each person. They lack individualism this way. Also it kinda felt like a way for devs to avoid gay relationships and cut corners :^/....sus.

First comes love, then comes marriage, then comes...

Children!!!!!! This is actually one of the coolest additions in the game. Just like in rf3, you can have up to 3 children again! Your first child will resemble you, and you will have the option to choose its gender as well as its personality. There are 6 different children, (3 boys and 3 girls), all with different hairstyles, mannerisms, and seiyuus. Your answers will determine which child you get. A year after your first child is born, you will get the option to have a second child. You'll end up with twins, both resembling your partner. You won't get to choose the genders (it will be a boy and girl) but you will get to choose the personalities once more. The children all have canon names too and each kid is incredibly cute. And of course, you're still able to take your kid with you in your party~ ...Though you can only take one kid with you at a time.

So is RF5 good?

Yeah it's a fun game! My theory is that Marvelous forced the devs to release the game earlier than they were ready for, and that's why it's so lacking. But that doesn't mean it's not worth playing! I'd rate it 3.5/5 stars hehe. Not nearly as good as RF4 (full stop 5/5), or RF3 (4/5) but enjoyable nonetheless. I wouldn't recommend it as a first game to play from the series for newcomers though, I feel it's best for vets who can overlook all the cons thanks to loyalty and nostalgia. By the time it’s released in the West, the bugs should all be dealt with too.

So! Definitely buy this game! We want the series to continue and we want RF6 to be better than this--and hopefully Marvelous will make sure of that next time. If you're not a picky person I think you'll enjoy rf5 a lot. If you're like me and have high standards then, well, still pick it up and let it run its course. Then dust off rf4sp and cleanse your gaming palette >;^)