#still trying to learn their faces. more or less successfully (in this case I feel 'less' but hey its a journey)

[vastwinterskies]

captain & lieutenants

[jahayla-parker]

Bewitched Love : Peter Parker x Reader

Part 24

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Desc. & Warnings: 1k wc, see navigation for description and warnings

Recap:

“Where’s Peter?” Y/n asked Peter 3. “Well .. I Uhh, my Peter.. umm Peter one,” she clarified. Y/n bashfully smiled as Peter 3 innocently laughed at her. She followed his gaze as he looked towards the remaining scaffolding. Her eyes widened as the shield continued to tumble down the structure, tearing the scaffolding down with it.

As debris fell down around them, y/n protected herself and Peter 3 in a cosmic bubble. She wasn’t able to find her Peter 1 in the falling wreckage, so she resorted to picturing him and visualizing a second one of her cosmic shields covering him. Y/n gasped lightly with unexpected pride when she saw a blue glowing circle mixed in randomly with the falling debris. She still couldn’t see her Peter, but she had to trust that it had worked and he was therefore inside said circle.

Y/n couldn’t wouldn’t let her fear or doubt impact her anymore. She had seen what she was capable of both with and without said emotions impacting her. And, y/n realized she was much stronger without them. The fear and doubt she experienced often turned into self-fulfilling-prophecies in that when she trusted them instead of herself (and the faith those around her had in her), she often failed. Y/n didn’t fail nearly as often when believing in herself and her powers.

It wasn’t that y/n thought she’d never fear her inability to use her powers successfully ever again. After all, she had assumed that was the case after Agatha… And yet, clearly, that wasn’t true. Rather, it was merely that she now understood it wasn’t that any kind of fear itself directly made her doubt her abilities. It was that fear of any kind messed with her head and made her not think clearly. Part of that resulted in doubt over her powers/abilities. But the other part, resulted in y/n not thinking through everything clearly; the way she’d not pieced together that she needed to heal herself before trying to protect May earlier tonight. Even though her Peter had pointed out that there wasn’t enough time for y/n to have done both, this realization of hers made her even more determined to not let fear worm its way back into her mind and cloud her processing. That way if she needed to do it again, that time she would know better; and she’d succeed.

The ironic thing is, even as y/n thought this, she hadn’t realized she’d done just that already just now. While she feared for her Peter Peter 1, she unconsciously remembered having learned earlier tonight to handle herself first in order to be able to order her powers to help others. Hence, why y/n had shielded herself and Peter 3 before promptly imagining one of her cosmic shields covering her Peter as well.

Despite not noticing this personal achievement, y/n was still feeling more confidence than earlier tonight. This was extremely helpful when she decided to try and form even more shields; this time, for her friends and the others. She hadn’t done nearly this many shields before, ever; much less this many simultaneous cosmic activities of any kind. Yet, y/n pushed those notions aside and closed her eyes as she whispered, “praesidium per mea navitas cosmicam potestatem super eos”. When she opened her eyes, y/n saw that while the whole scaffolding structure had crumbled, everyone was unharmed. Y/n lowered her shields simultaneously and sighed with relief.

“That was all because of you,” Peter 3 grinned in amazement as he patted y/n’s shoulder. He chuckled when she shyly nodded in bashful agreement. “That was amazing! Don’t ever forget how talented and strong you are, okay?” Peter 3 requested with a smile.

Y/n bashfully looked away from Peter 3’s face, but nodded again. “Okay,” she agreed, having just realized the importance of that herself. “Thanks, now-,” y/n began, looking around to see what they needed to do next. She felt her heartbeat faster upon seeing Strange staring at the sky in horror as their reality split.

Y/N’s attention left the shattering skyline as she heard MJ’s voice calling for Ned. She gave Peter 3 a quick smile before running off to check on her friends. Y/n tapped MJ on the shoulder when she made it to her and Ned’s huddle. As Ned and MJ spun around to hug her, y/n wrapped her arms around them tightly.

Peter 1 rose from where he’d landed. He had been falling from Osborn’s flying glider when y/n’s shield protected him from the crumbling scaffolding. Upon standing, he’d looked around to get a gauge of the scene and saw y/n. “Y/N!” Peter 1 shouted as he ran towards her.

“Peter?” Y/n gasped, stepping out of her friends’ embrace. She locked eyes with her Peter, making both of them smile widely with relief.

Ned waved from beside y/n, a smile on his face as well.

Peter 1 grinned back. “Ned!” He greeted, “MJ!”.

MJ laughed anxiously. “Peter! Hey!” she cheered.

Peter 1 let out a puff of air as he reached his friends’ group. He frantically threw his arms around them all, closing his eyes tightly. Peter 1 crooked his neck until his lips were resting on the side of y/n’s head. He let out a sigh of relief as she snuggled into his torso.

Peter 1 stepped back after a moment. “Are you okay?” He asked, looking around the group.

MJ nodded. “We're okay,” she replied.

Peter 1 stared at y/n until she too nodded. He took in a long deep breath. Peter 1 smiled at her and nodded back when she asked if he was okay. However, his senses started tingling at the same time y/n’s gaze shifted over his shoulder and darkened.

Peter 1 turned around, glaring at Green Goblin. He got into a fighting stance as he moved in front of y/n. When Green Goblin stood up and tore off his goggles, Peter 1 told y/n and their friends to run.

Y/n nodded at MJ and Ned, silently signaling for them to do as their Peter stated. However, she hadn’t decided if she was going to do the same or not this time. Y/n watched her friends flee to safety before she faced Osborn.

Green Goblin tilted his head mockingly as he neared Peter 1. “Poor Peter,” he cackled. “Too weak... to send me home to die,” Osborn judged.

Peter 1’s eyes narrowed. “No...” he said viciously. “I just wanna kill you myself,” he spat.

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[barubidobarbiewar]

#4 - “I’m Sachiko”

tw: strong language, gun violence, murder

“He said they only sell tonto here,” I told to Sachiko with a chuckle.

“That’s right!” her high Japanese voice confirmed as if it was common knowledge. “That’s all we drink here in Barubido! Would you like me to order for you?” I nodded and stepped aside, and she took one more tiny step toward the bar.

“She’ll have a Margot tonto please Ken,” she said confidently, beaming with the same smile that hadn’t left her face since she introduced herself. Although she only ordered for me, the Ken brought two pink cans from the fridge, and she paid for both. She must come here a lot.

“There are usually seats near the back,” she said, pointing to the back corner of the Bus Bar where there was a screen that was being used for advertising. We found a booth, sat down, and started chatting.

“TB must’ve told you to meet me,” I assumed, before adding “it’s my first day in town.”

“TB did tell me to meet you, and I did!” She laughed as if everything going to plan was the most hilarious joke ever told. “I’m here to help you learn about Barubido. I noticed you don’t know about tonto?”

“I’ve never heard of it,” I admitted as I opened my Margot tonto can, “is it an L.A. thing?”

“Hardly,” she chuckled. “It comes from Uganda originally.”

“Uganda?”

“I know it sounds strange,” she grinned, eager to tell me more. “It’s just a tradition here in Barubido. All the Barbie Dream Houses make their own brand, and this is the Margot Barbie Dream House’s brand of tonto!”

I took a sip. It was like if a banana smoothie was somehow also a beer.

“Banana?” I asked.

“That’s right!” Sachiko confirmed. “We don’t grow the bananas here, but every tonto served here was personally manufactured by a Barbie right here in Barubido. We’re the ones struggling and putting in hard, honest work. That’s our Barubido Tonto Guarantee!” She was so good at smiling with her eyes.

“How do you join one of these Barbie Dream Houses?” I enquired casually.

“Oh,” she said, and all at once the smile vanished from her face. “It’s hard but honest work to get in. You have to do a lot of very hard but very honest work,” and temporarily furrowed her tiny brow to emphasise the hard work part. Then that smile was straight back. “But I can put a good word in with the Barbie-in-Chief at the Margot Barbie Dream House if you like!”

“I don’t really know what I would be expected to do,” I stuttered, already not sure what I had signed up for.

“You’ll be great, don’t worry!” Sachiko reassured me. “I can train you.”

“Train me?” I questioned the amount of very hard work the word ‘train’ implied.

I’ve loved women for as long as I’ve known what love feels like.

After I successfully joined the Margot Barbie Dream House, I still thought I was into Kens.

But whenever I saw a straight couple, I thought "she’s everything.” But then I’d look at the guy she’s with, and I’d just be like "he’s just Ken.” There’s nothing wrong with Kens of course, some of my best friends growing up were Kens, they’re just not… everything.I guess what I’m trying to say is… Barbies mean everything to me, but Kens mean… less.

I remember the night I discovered I wasn’t into Kens. Sachiko accidentally caught me in the alley when I was secretly kissing another Margot Barbie from the Dream House. We had been celebrating record Tonto sales, and a Margot with the initials SF had whispered in my ear that she was into Barbies too. Maybe we’d been drinking too many Tontos,

“I know a place,” SF said, taking me by the hand and leading me to the alley behind the Margot Barbie Dream House.

“Usually when people say that they mean a trendy bar, not the alleyway behind the house that is also your workplace,” She looked cute when she laughed.

“Wanna know my middle initial?” She dared me, rebelliously, before taking another swig of her open can of Tonto.

“Are we allowed to know middle initials?” I whispered, taking a step closer to her in case we were overheard.

“As long as you don’t tell The Chief,” she whispered, moving so closely that our faces were almost touching. She locked eyes with me, brushed some stray blonde bangs that had been covering my face. As soon as the words “It’s an O,” had left her lips, and before I even had a chance to respond, her lips were on my lips. At first I didn’t know what to think. Was this it? Was I into Barbies now? Whatever my sexual orientation was, I was definitely, passionately, kissing her back almost immediately.

I had been so blindsided that I had forgotten to breathe! I suddenly pulled myself free.

“Oh…” I repeated her middle initial.

“Are you saying ‘oh’ like this is a surprise?” She asked. “Is this a good surprise? Is this a good ‘oh’?”

I couldn’t hide that I was brimming with happiness.

“It’s a good ‘oh’,” I confirmed, and this time it was my hand behind her neck, pulling her lips back towards mine for more kisses. I just wanted to be right here forever, in the alley behind Margot House, kissing SOF. No more than 5 minutes later, the kisses were abruptly ended by the sound of a metal trash can being kicked over by someone small and clumsy. Sachiko stood at the back door, her tiny mouth agape.

“You’re a lesbian?!” she asked me with eyes wide with shock. SOF giggled and blurted out “No man can satisfy her,” which was a witty response.

For me, that ended up being true.

I was there that night.

“Do you think that Ken at the grocery store likes me?” Sachiko asked with the innocent anticipation of a little puppy as we turned onto Alan Street carrying brown paper bags. Now we were on the right street to get most of the way back to Margot Barbie Dream House, and I was looking forward to getting home and being able to put down my heavy bags. We had managed to get everything that the other Margot Barbies had put on the shopping list, so I was looking forward to seeing their excited faces. It’s just food mainly, but food can be such a nice thing to look forward to. Food can be an escape from all the hard, honest work of being a Barbie in Barubido.

“He likes you,” I chuckled, knowing that would excite her even more. She began skipping around me and singing what she had heard to a jaunty tune.

“He likes me!” She sang, “he likes me, he likes me!”

I only knew the Grocery Store Ken liked her because he had asked me what her ‘situation’ was one night at the Bus Bar. She hasn’t had a boyfriend in a while.

I could hear the music from the pink corvette music so loud, I initially thought I was overhearing a live music event, which wouldn’t be unheard of in this neighbourhood. Even so, there didn’t seem to be anything suspicious about loud music. Barubido was a party town, even I had worked that out by now.

Just as I was wondering whether the driver had drank too many Tontos, which also wouldn’t be unusual in Barubido, I heard them. I heard a popping, cracking noise, a noise I had often heard in Barubido, but this time they were close, a little too close. The tyres of the corvette squealed as they were peelin’ out, and it occurred to me that they seemed in an awful hurry. Not only were they in an awful hurry, but Sachiko was suddenly awful quiet. I looked to my left, where Sachiko had previously been walking, but she wasn’t there.

All I saw was a low wall. A low wall with a fresh bullet hole in it, the brick dust still settling through the air. Looking left inevitably drew my attention to my left elbow, which now had a fresh bullet hole in it too. I felt faint at the sight of the blood, my blood, now gushing onto the pavement. I felt so dizzy, and then I really did faint. I fell to the ground in a daze, but even from my limited and blurry vantage point on the floor, there was still no mistaking it.

[starks-hero]

What He Doesn't Know Won't Hurt Him

Pairing: Loki x Stark!Reader

Summary: You and Loki had been doing a fairly decent job at keeping your relationship a secret from the other members of the team, specifically your father. But what happens when word finally gets out?

Word Count: 4,480

Warnings: fluff, implied smut, angst

a/n: This gif, that is all

You had your music playing at full volume as you worked your way around the lab, your latest suit laid out on the table. It was almost finished and you were more than impressed with how it had turned out.

Grabbing one of the many tools strewn out on the tabletop, you got to work assuring each circuit was in place.

It was fair to say that whilst you were in one of your zones, you could easily get lost in your work. Which was probably the reasons you hadn't noticed Loki make his way into the lab.

You jumped slightly when two slender arms wrapped around your middle. “Loki,” you scolded, not taking your eyes away from your work. “I'm busy.”

He chuckled. “I can see that, dove,” he purred. “But I'm bored.”

“You're welcome to stay here as long as you stay out of my way,” you offered, smirking when Loki rose his hands innocently.

“You won't even know I'm here.”

You managed to steal five minutes of peace. And then Loki's ability to sit still and not cause trouble seemed to reach its end. He started simply, standing ridiculously close, running his hand along your side. Your frustrated sigh and visible struggle to focus on your suit only egged him on. He re-positioned himself behind you, hands resting on your hips and lips finding your neck.

When one of his hands began to trace down your stomach and towards the waistband of your jeans you drew the line.

“Loki, stop.” you chided urgently. “Not here.”

“Why not?” he asked, nipping at the exposed skin of your neck. “It's as good a place as any.”

“Someone could see,” you pressed on.

Loki’s kissing ceased but he didn't remove his arms from around you. If anything he held you tighter.

“And would that be such a bad thing?” he asked after a beat of silence. You sighed and turned in his arms, now facing the god. His eyes said it all, he wasn't hurt, but he was tired of keeping up this charade.

He hated having to wait till you were both alone to show his affection, having to settle for stolen kisses and subtle glances all in an attempt to keep your relationship a secret from the rest of the team. Loki was growing sick of it. He wanted to hold you, kiss you, mark you, to show everyone you belonged to him. He hated having to hide his feelings as if they weren’t acceptable.

“Loki, we've talked about this. If the team finds out, especially my dad, it'll cause nothing but trouble.” You frowned at Loki's defeated expression. “I want to tell them, I do. I love you and I want everyone to know that. But only when the time is right.”

Loki nodded, a smile tugging at his lips. Slender fingers wrapping around your wrist and he placed a kiss to your hand. “As you wish, darling.”

Loki turned to leave but you gently grasped hold of his sleeve and tugged him back. “Where do you think you're going?”

Loki tilted his head. “You said-”

“I said I wasn't ready to tell them,” you clarified. “I never said anything about you leaving.”

A devilish smirked spread across Loki's lips as he stepped back towards you, hands grasping your waist. “Why of course, my dear.” He pushed you against the cool steel of the table. “How may I be of service to you?”

You pulled him into a hungry kiss and he practically moaned into your mouth. Grasping hold of your thighs, he hoisted you up onto the table and slotted himself snugly between your legs. Truth be told, this wasn't what you had in mind. You were serious when you said the lab wasn't a good place to start something but Loki was just too irresistible. His kisses trailed from your jaw down your neck and you couldn't help the whimper that left your lips as he sucked on the sweet spot just above your collar bone.

Your hand tangled in his raven hair and he laughed breathlessly against your skin as he pulled you closer to him. “That's it, pet.”

The sudden sound of someone clearing their throat caused both of you to almost jump out of your skin. You turned towards the lab door and found a rather unimpressed Natasha standing in the threshold, arms crossed and glare seething into a certain god.

Your heart jumped into your throat as you hurriedly pushed Loki away and scrambled to your feet.

“Oh, no. Don't stop on my account,” Nat snarled and the venom in her tone was enough to send shivers down even Loki's spine.

“Nat! We were just-”

“Don't bullshit me, Y/N. You know it doesn't work,” Nat stated plainly and you swallowed. She was right, it was near impossible to successfully lie to her. “Does your father know?”

“No, no, no. Nat, you can't tell him,” you begged. “He'll kill us.”

Natasha scoffed, pointing an accusing finger at Loki, who was still standing sheepishly behind you. “He's lucky I haven't killed him myself.”

Loki shifted uncomfortably. When it came down to it, he was a god and Nat was human. She probably couldn't do much damage to him. But she was certainly intimidating. Loki wasn't so much upset over the fact that you'd been caught, if anything Loki found it rather exciting. His only worry was how this situation would pan out for you. And your relationship.

“Natasha, please. You know how my dad overreacts.”

“I'm not sure I'd count ‘getting pissed that your daughter's dating a criminal’ as overreacting.”

You felt helpless. With Tony as your father, the team were the closest thing you had to family. Nat had always been important to you, she was an older sister, a cool aunt and in some cases, a understanding mother all rolled up into one. She wanted what was best for you, and you knew if that meant throwing Loki under the bus, she wouldn't hesitate.

Noticing your struggle, Loki decided to intervene.

“Agent Romanoff, if you'd allow us to explain. I-”

Nat turned to Loki with a glare that stopped the god mid-sentence. “I'm not talking to you. I'm talking to Y/N.” She turned back to you. “Tell your dad.”

“What?!”

“Tell Tony about this.” She clarified, gesturing between you and Loki. “Or I will.”

“Nat,” you started but as she raised an eyebrow you knew she wasn't bluffing. She was dead serious.

“Okay, okay, fine. We'll tell him. But just not yet-” you hesitated. “Just give us a little more time to figure it all out.”

Natasha seemed unconvinced, to say the least, but when she noticed the genuine worry in your expression she backed off and her voice softened.

“Fine. But if he finds out beforehand, I had no idea about any of this,” she ordered. “And you,” Nat glanced at Loki who was still standing behind you. “Are on thin ice.”

Nat turned to leave, shooting one final glare Loki’s way. “Oh, and a bit of advice. Next time lock the goddamn door.”

You both sighed in temporary relief as the door slammed shut and you were left alone.

“Well, that went well,” Loki commented sarcastically, rubbing at his temple.

“And that was only Nat. How do you think the others are going to react?” You took a seat on the workbench and Loki joined you.

“Were you serious?” he asked. “About telling them? Telling him?”

You sighed, dropping your head into your hands. “I suppose we don't have much of a choice now, do we?” You murmured and Loki chuckled slightly.

“I suppose not.”

“You're enjoying this.” You growled as Loki’s mood seemed only slightly diminished by the situation you’d just been landed in.

“Yes, I find being threatened by a world-class assassin immensely enjoyable,” he noted nonchalantly. Loki sighed when the fear remained evident in your expression. He gently caught your wrist and pulled it away from your face, lacing your fingers as he did so. “Honestly, my dear. There's no need to worry. It will be fine.”

“You sound awfully sure.”

“That’s because I am,” Loki smirked, his tone reassuring and soft. He placed a harmless kiss against your cheek, but couldn’t resist the urge to continue down to your jaw.

His nose grazed your neck as his breath fanned out over your skin. His voice fell to a low whisper. “Now, what was it we were getting to before we were so rudely interrupted?”

You couldn’t help but laugh in slight disbelief. “You never learn, do you?”

Loki flicked his wrist as he began to plant kisses down your neck. “Do you take me for a fool?”

 You glanced at the labs' door to find the keypad had turned red. Locked. Smirking, Loki pushed you down and picked up where he'd left off.

It had been a little over a week since Natasha had found out about your relationship with Loki and thankfully, she hadn't said anything as of yet. She was giving you a generous amount of time to build up the courage to tell both your father and the rest of the team, but it was courage you were yet to find. The stress of the whole situation had been getting to you, something that was becoming more and more apparent to Loki.

In some desperate attempt to help you blow off a little steam, the god had dragged you down to the training hall. You and Loki often trained together, though since the beginning of your relationship, training seldom actually took place during your sessions.

But you needed it today, and after less than fifteen minutes of sparring, you could already feel some of the stress dissipating.

“Let's try that again,” Loki stated, helping you up from where you'd fallen back onto the training mat. He steadied you before pacing back a few steps as you both prepared for another round.

You made the first move, Loki easily blocking your strike. He caught your other arm as you tried to hit his shoulder and he only barely avoided a knee in the groin by spinning you around and catching you in a gentle headlock.

“Fighting dirty today are we, darling?” He purred in your ear and you smirked. Leaning forward, you used the momentum to throw Loki over your shoulder, straddling him to assure he stayed down.

“Problem with that?”

Loki chuckled, staring up at you. “Certainly not.” Throwing his leg over and shifting his weight, he threw you off of him and you landed on the floor beside him. He then took up his position on top of you. “Two can play at that game.”

He used his new vantage point to lean down and kiss your shoulder. “And I do enjoy it so very much.”

You turned your head to the side to grant Loki better access as he kissed up your neck, but your blood ran cold when you noticed a familiar figure standing dumbstruck at the halls entrance.

“Shit, Steve!” You pushed Loki off of you and for a moment he thought it was an attempted diversion until his own eyes locked with the captains. “Steve, wait!”

He was already turning to leave and you took off after him, Loki right behind you. You barely caught him before he reached the door. “Steve, hear us out, please.”

He turned to look at you with slight disappointment, his cheeks still tinted red with embarrassment given what he'd just walked in on. “Why didn't you tell us, Y/N?”

“I swear I was going to. I should have sooner and I'm sorry.” You rushed. “But please, Steve. You can't tell my dad, not yet.”

Steve hesitated. He'd taken you under his wing from day one and he'd be lying if he said he saw you as anything less than family. He didn't want to put you in a situation where he knew you'd face hardship. But he also didn't want to put his relationship with Tony on the line. He knew what that could lead to.

“I won't lie to Tony.”

“Then just don't say anything!” You tried. “Not saying anything technically isn't lying.”

Steve sighed, glancing between you both, his eyes lingering on Loki a moment longer. Loki seemed to have read the captains mind.

“Captain, I understand your concerns. But I can assure you my intentions are completely good-willed.”

Steve shook his head, questioning his sanity. “Does anyone else know?”

“Natasha, that's it.”

Steve seriously pondered the dilemma he was being faced with. Part of him wanted to march off and tell Tony, part of him wanted to strangle Loki for even putting his hands on you and the other part was still hung up on how upset you’d be if he chose either of the latter options.

“Alright,” Steve said after a moment of silence and relief flooded your expression. “But if your father asks-”

“I understand.” You nodded, still breathing a sigh of relief. “Thank you, Steve.”

You counted your lucky stars as Steve left the training hall, the whole conversation having gone way better than you could have possibly imagined.

“You know, my dear,” Loki stated from behind you. “We really must stop picking the worst possible places in the compound to make out.”

You'd been peacefully working away in the lab, adding the finishing touches to the suit you'd been working on. A few more final touch-ups and a test run and it would be ready for missions.

The door slamming opened behind you immediately caught your attention as a severely pissed off Loki stormed in. His jaw was set and his hands were balled into fists. This couldn't be good.

“Loki, what's wrong?” you asked, rounding the table and approaching him. He was already pacing.

“Thor knows,” he growled and your heart stopped. “He was asking ridiculous questions about you and I and he knew I was lying.”

You inhaled sharply and did your best to avoid groaning in frustration, unable to grasp how Loki of all people had gotten caught out lying. “Loki, you're the god of lies.”

“And Thor's a persistent bastard!” He bit back.

You grappled with the little composure you had left and sighed. Loki was still clearly fretting and at least one of you had to start thinking straight.

“Okay, well what did he say?”

“That he wouldn't tell anyone,” Loki murmured, running his index finger along his top lip, something he often did when nervous.

“Alright then, what are we worried about? He said he wouldn't tell.”

Loki scoffed. “It's Thor! He struggles to keep the simplest of secrets, he's going to let it slip!” Loki took a seat and wrung his hands. “Your father is going to kill me.”

You stepped towards him and ran a comforting hand through his raven hair. He sighed and wrapped his arms around your waist, resting his head against your stomach.

“You're a god, Loki. I don't think he could kill you even if he wanted to.”

“He'll find a way,” Loki moped, tightening his hold on you.

You huffed at Loki's dramatic antiques as you continued to run your hand through his hair. One thing was now painfully clear, you needed to tell your dad. Before anyone else found out.

It was all planned out perfectly. The team was set to have dinner together in an attempt to bring some normality to your crazy lives, and you figured it would be the best time to break the new. You'd wait until everyone had finished eating and you and your dad were alone and then you'd tell him.

Not only did you think it would be better to have the conversation one on one, but Loki not being there also lessened the likely hood of your father trying to kill him if he didn't take the news kindly.

The only major challenge now was making it through the dinner itself without losing your nerve. Loki assured you that he'd be by your side right up until the moment he had to leave, and he meant it. Your father sat at the head of the table, because of course he did, and you sat to his right. Loki was seated beside you.

Most of the dinner passed as they usually did when the team ate together. Clint complained about the take out choice, Nat downed an impressive amount of wine whilst somehow remaining sober and a philosophical debate had broken out despite their being no indication as to what had started it.

For once, you and Loki remained silent, too nervous to offer any input should your worrisome tone give you away. You had spent most of the dinner toying with the food on your plate with your fork.

Loki's hand gently held yours beneath the table. It was risky, but no one had noticed and it was currently the only thing keeping you sane.

“You alright, kiddo?”

You glanced up to find your dad staring at you. He motioned to your untouched plate of food.

“You haven't touched your take out. It's your favourite.”

“Oh yeah, I- uh,” you stumbled over your own words and cursed yourself for being caught off guard. Most of the team were still chatting amongst themselves, but Steve and Natasha were now watching the exchange between you and Tony attentively. “I guess I'm just not that hungry.”

He seemed entirely unconvinced and leaned in slightly, away from the prying ears of the table. “You sure everything's alright?”

You gulped. Your father was no idiot and he knew something was eating away at you. From the corner of your eye, you could see Nat nodding her head and Steve smiling supportively. This was the perfect opportunity to bring it up and you decided it was now or never. “Well, actually-”

“Nice going, Clint!”

Both your heads snapped up to see that a knocked over wine bottle had stained both the end of the table and Bruce's white shirt.

“Hey! It's not my fault. Who even drinks this stuff anyway?!”

“What the hell is that suppose to mean, bird brain?” Sam yelled, possessively grabbing what was left in the overturned bottle and dunking it into his glass. Bucky hid his smile behind his bottle of beer.

Everyone else's attention had turned to Bruce, who seemed to be doing an excellent job at not hulking out and sending Clint through the nearest wall.

You bit your lip.

“Dad, is it alright if I leave? I'm not feeling up to eating right now.” You asked. Now clearly wasn't the best time to bring something up and you decided waiting till after everyone had turned it in for the night was probably best.

“Sure thing, sweet pea,” he smiled as you stood and pushed in your chair behind you. Loki followed you, rising to his feet.

“I think it's time I also take my leave.” No one paid much attention as Loki mimicked your actions and prepared to leave the table.

“Leaving already?” Wanda asked politely and you smiled back, already prepared to answer with ‘Yeah, I'm just tired.’

“Of course they are! I'm sure my brother and Y/N have much to do and discuss,” Thor smirked, winking and raising his glass to the both of you in a not so subtle way.

Silence fell over the entire table and you and Loki grew rigid. Natasha and Steve turned to glare at Thor, who lowered his glass, realising what exactly he'd just said.

“What?” Tony said, turning to Thor with a shocked expression. Loki quickly stepped in.

“I think my brother may have had a tad too much Asgardian ale, I-

“No, what did you say?” He asked again, voice raising. All eyes were now either on Tony, Loki or you.

Thor seemed to shrink into his seat, taking interest in the bottom of his cup as he attempted to backtrack and fix his mistake. But it was too late.

Your father's gaze turned to you and then Loki, who was cautiously standing behind you. 

“One chance.” He was livid. “You get one chance to tell me the truth.”

“Dad, can we not do this now,” you asked quietly.

“The truth, Y/N.” You couldn’t recall the last time you’d seen your father so angry. And as terrified as you were, you knew lying would only dig you a deeper hole.

“I was going to tell you,” you started, wincing as he ran a hand down his face. “I just didn't know how and then Nat told me I should just-”

Your father's glare turned to Natasha who choked on her wine at your words. You mentally grimaced as you realized what you'd just said.

“Oh, so you knew!” Tony yelled, pointing an accusing finger at Nat. He turned back to you. “You told Thor and Natasha before you told me!”

“I didn't tell her! She just sort of found out...” you fumbled and Tony laughed humorlessly.

“Did anybody else know besides Nat and point break?” he asked, addressing the whole table. Steve fidgeted awkwardly in his seat and Tony immediately singled him out.

“Steve.” He crossed his arms as he glared at the captain. “Something on your mind?”

Steve sighed. “Look, Tony I-”

“Don't bullshit me, Rogers.”

Steve nodded wordlessly and Tony bit the inside of his cheek, looking as though he was prepared to rip into each member of the team. You cowered back slightly and Loki stepped infront of you, shielding you from your fathers rage the best he could.

“Great! Awesome! Did anyone else know my daughter was dating a psychopath and just decided to keep that information to themselves?”

Everyone awkwardly shifted in their seats, some clearing there throats and others offering you sympathetic glances. Natasha mouthed a ‘sorry’ and Thor seemed to still be beating himself up for letting it slip in the first place.

Loki stepped forward. “Stark, I can assure you-”

“Zip it, Reindeer Games,” he warned and for once, Loki did as he was told. Tony pointed to you as if he were scolding a child.

“You are grounded,” he stated. “No more missions, no more lab privileges, nothing.”

You scoffed. “I'm not a kid!”

“Yes, you are! You're my kid.”

“Dad, will you please just listen to me.” You begged as you stepped towards your father in hopes of reasoning with him. He rose from his seat to meet you.

“No. This,” he gestured between you and Loki. “Ends now. End of discussion.”

You took a step back, feeling as though an arrow had hit you in the chest. Tears were brimming your eyes and you couldn't find it in you to meet anyone's gaze. Seeing how upset you'd become, Loki refused to bite his tongue any longer.

“Stark, with all due respect, I won't allow that. I understand your disdain for me and it's more than warranted but do not take that anger out on Y/N. You have no reason to trust me but I can assure you that my feelings towards your daughter and nothing but sincere and genuine.”

Loki's sudden statement seemed to have surprised Tony. He opened his mouth to argue but Loki didn't give him the chance as he continued.

“She has given me a second chance and I love her dearly for doing so. And I would never do anything to harm her. I love her unconditionally and all I ask is for a chance. Allow me to prove myself.”

Loki's speech had left you teary-eyed with a warmth spreading in your chest. A smile pulled at your lips as Loki turned to you. The genuine and loving look in his eyes spoke volumes and it took every ounce of control you possessed not to launch yourself into his arms then and there.

“Tony, I don't know about you but that seemed pretty convincing to me.” Nat voiced from the table and Thor immediately agreed.

“My brother may be the god of lies but he has spoken nothing but the truth tonight.”

Steve, ever the diplomat, offered Tony an encouraging nod. “All he's asking for is a chance, Tony.”

“It's pretty sweet if you ask me,” Bucky murmured from beside the captain, Sam and Wanda nodding in agreement.

Tony watched as the table seemed to take Loki's side and he battled with himself until his eyes landed on you. You were standing side by side with Loki, whilst he smiled at you in adoration. The glances you shared were nothing short of loving and Tony couldn't help but notice how genuine and mutual it truly was. Loki's hand was brushing against yours, desperate to grasp hold and comfort you but not wanting to overstep the line the tension had drawn.

Tony sighed as he realized what he had to do. You were his daughter, his everything. And he just wanted you to be happy. Even if it was with someone he didn’t initially approve of. 

“You love him?” he asked nonchalantly and you nodded.

“And you, Frosty,” Tony motioned to Loki who tried not to frown at the nickname. “You love her?”

Loki glanced at you, smiling softly. “Wholeheartedly.”

Tony swallowed down the lump in his throat as he watched the both of you, not completely ready to accept that you weren't a kid anymore.

“Well then, I guess that's that.” He smiled at you softly. “Leave it to you to fall for the God of mischief. You always were a troublemaker.” 

Your father pulled you into a hug, muttering a quiet ‘love you, sweet pea’, before pulling back to look at Loki.

“You hurt her,” he started and Loki cut him off with an amused chuckle.

“You'll kill me?” He guessed.

“Oh no, not just me. They'll kill you.” Tony smirked, pointing to the table full of avengers.

Loki nodded. “Understood.”

Nat sent you a wink and Steve and Thor smiled whilst the rest of the team seemed to congratulate you with supportive, and in some cases embarrassing, comments.

You and Loki smirked at each other, slowly turning to leave the dining room when your father's voice called you back.

“Woah, where do you two think you're going?” he asked. “Cats out of the bag now so no need to run off and hide. Sit.”

Seeing no point in arguing, you both took your seats, Loki holding your hand atop the table for everyone to see. Things quickly settled back into a comfortable conversation, you and Loki feeling freer than you had in months. The domesticity of it all was enough to make your heart burst.

“So,” Clint, who was slightly tipsy at this point, yelled. “When's the wedding?”

Tony turned red. “Don't push their luck, Barton.” He partially joked, glaring daggers at his teammate as the rest of the team laughed. As for you and Loki, you couldn't help but smile at the possibility.

tag list: @leftperfectionmoon @doozywoozy @bakerstreethound @miraclesoflove​ @Kealohilani-tepise

[volleychumps]

Heyy idk if this'll make sense but,, I'm ugly (or at least not as pretty as others) and a lot of times guys would be dared to say "oh my friend likes you" while laughing at me. It made me very insecure growing up and makes me suspicious of compliments now... idk if anyone can relate but can you write a fluffy comfort scenario with Bokuto, Kageyama, or Tsukki? Maybe with reader laughing at a confession because she thinks it's a joke or something? Thank you, I love your work and stay healthy ❤️

Aw bby~ I’m sure you’re absolutely goregous <3 hope you enjoy your request!

Insecure S/O Reacting To a Confession (Bokuto, Kageyama, Tsukishima)

This is set in a time in which you’ve developed trust issues because a confession before had been a joke- so a little angsty ngl 

---------------------------------------------

Bokuto 

“She’s not coming, is she?” 

“Calm down. You told her to meet you after school- the bell let out less than five minutes ago.” Akaashi’s voice sounded through the spiker’s phone as Bokuto releases a bigger sigh than he expected. Nervousness tingled through his muscles while the burly boy seemed to tremble in both excitement and fear for what was to come, leaning against one of the many exits to the school as golden eyes scoped the area for your figure. 

“Today’s the day, Akaashi, I just know it!” 

“Yeah. You said that yesterday. And the day before that one. Not to mention every day for the past month-” 

“I think she’s coming!!” A hand slipped out of his pants pocket as he pushes off the wall giddily. 

“Well, be careful- I don’t know if you heard about it, but-” 

“See you at practice, my #1 Wingman!” 

Bokuto ends the call, the last thing he hears being a sigh of Akaashi’s at his abrupt cut off. That could wait. A growing grin began at Bokuto’s lips as you, confused, approached him with a crumpled paper in your hand- looking as beautiful as ever in the eyes of the ace. 

“Bokuto-san...?” 

“You made it!” 

He couldn’t see the hesitation in your steps, or the nervousness in your movements for the national-known volleyball spiker had his gold eyes downcasted at his feet, a hand nervously coming up to rest on the back of his neck as he internally prepares himself. 

“Was there something you needed from me?” You wrung your hands out, biting your lip as you seemed to fidget in place, the scenario being all to familiar with what you once had to go through. However, you knew better- it just simply wasn’t possible. 

Bokuto was always friendly towards you, but previous events had placed a limit in your head on just how far that friendliness just happened to extend. Until- 

“Y/N...do you maybe want to go out with me?” 

Your jaw slackened a little as you still in shock, watching as the boy you thought was eons out of your league blushed a little, squeezing his eyes tight as the question came out rushed, the words fumbling over each other. 

But you still heard it. 

Your chest sunk and heat flamed in your cheeks as you push out your first instinct- a laugh. A laugh bubbled up in your throat at the question, and Bokuto opened his eyes, confusion and anxiety rising in his stomach at the sound that still made his heart race. Nervously, he began laughing too. 

“Alright.” You make out between giggles. “Who put you up to this?” 

All laughter stopped on his end as you continue to giggle, but your eyes were a tad bit poignant as your fists clenched at your sides. Bokuto straightens, furrowing his brows at the ridiculous question. 

“What do you mean?” 

“I mean, this is a prank right?” Your voice wobbled. “Was it Rui? His friend Droy?” 

“Y/N, what-?” 

“You shouldn’t play with girls’ feelings like that, you know?” You continue, smiling yet your eyes screamed of another story. “But in my case, it’s funny- right?” 

Bokuto blinked, mouth agape at the accusation in your words as you take a shaky breath, trying not to show weakness as Bokuto takes a careful step in front of you. Was this what Akaashi was trying to tell him? 

“Y/N, I’m serious!” The ace exclaimed, causing you to finally meet his eyes with your slightly watery ones. “You’re absolutely goregous, there’s no way this is a prank!” 

“Y-You’re taking this too far...” 

“I’m not, because there isn’t anything to take!” Bokuto grabs your hand in his, intertwining your pinkies as you can’t help but smile a little at the childish gesture. “I promise you, Y/N, I like you! Way too much, I’ve been trying to tell you for the past month now, but...you scare me. In a I’ve-never-had-these-feelings before kind of way.” 

You find yourself leaning into his palm as Bokuto smiles, golden eyes gleaming genuinely as he cups your face. “Who made you think of yourself this way?” 

“N-No one in particular...” You lie, looking off to the side as you feel yourself being tugged gently into the sweet boy’s chest, causing you to yelp a little as Bokuto crosses a boundary, digging his face into the juncture between your neck and shoulder. 

“Please.” You stop trying to push him away at the sincerity in his voice. “Can I change that? I can. I promise you I can, if you give me a chance!” 

Shakily, you look up to the sky, feeling Bokuto’s warm breath on your neck as he spoke, wondering if this was worth learning to trust again, your arms wrapping around his mid-section as you did so. 

Your voice quiets, cracking slightly as you hold him back just a little tighter. 

“One chance. Don’t let me regret this.”

Kageyama

“This is ridiculous, you moron!” 

“Trust me, she’s gonna love it Kageyama-Kun!” Hinata flashes his setter a big thumbs up as Kageyama groans, glaring into the bouquet of flowers with pink dusted across his cheeks. After Hinata had snuck a horribly written note into your shoe locker- Kageyama couldn’t put his confession off anymore, much to the setter’s dismay. Admiring you from afar had been enough, and confessing you face to face had once been a daydream- 

“Can’t I just, you know, text her?” The raven haired boy attempts to escape one more time as Hinata points a finger to the spot where he was standing stubbornly. 

“Nope! As if you could get her number anyway-”  Hinata dodges the hit coming his way with ease, sidestepping as he continues his tangent. “So you’re going to stand right there and wait for Y/N-chan to come! I’m going home now, and tomorrow- you better have a newly minted girlfriend!” 

“I should’ve never asked you for advice.” 

“See you tomorrow, and you’re welcome.” 

Kageyama scoffs, snarky reply falling on silent lips as Hinata mounts his bike and takes off before he can get it out, leaving the blue-eyed setter standing at military position near the courtyard, red roses tightened in his grasp around the less thorny areas. He hoped Hinata was smart enough to not mix up the two locations.

“Kageyama-Kun!” 

Said boy almost drops his flowers when you round the corner, now changed out of your school shoes as Kageyama swallows- a futile attempt to aid his now dry mouth. You took small steps towards him as you find a lump growing in your throat at the scene before you, memories flashing in your mind at what once had been. 

Regardless, you managed a tight smile as Kageyama blinks once. Then twice as if to make sure this was really happening. 

“You...wanted to see me about something?” You question formally, ignoring the red hue of the roses as Kageyama stutters out a response, bright blue eyes darting all over the courtyard. 

“I...um....you are....UGH-” 

In any other circumstance, you might’ve found this cute- but the only thing you could think of was how good he was at acting. 

“Take your time.” Your eyes dim down a little as the familiar unease rises in your stomach. 

“D-Date!” Kageyama manages, the pink on his cheeks now turning into a bright red. “I want to g-go on a date with you...!” 

You press your lips together as a heat pricks the corner of your eyes, the one image you didn’t want to remember blurring perfectly over the one in front of you. 

.... Again?

Kageyama curses, offering you the roses with one hand shakily as the back of his hand covers his mouth, blue eyes seeming to glare off to the side in utter regret. “I heard you like flowers, s-so....”

“You don’t need to do this, Kageyama-Kun.” You find yourself saying, surprised at how stable your voice was as Kageyama’s arm slackens a little, the bouqet lowering in height as he takes in your words- in his case, your response. 

“It’s cruel, you know? I get it- you’re popular, attractive, and people want to be your friend- but this? I know I can’t be with someone like you the way I am now, so you have to show me firsthand?”

“Huh?” 

You chuckle humorlessly at the genuine confusion in his voice before laughing a little. “It’s hilarious, isn’t it? Poor, naive, ugly girl believes for just a second that the boy she likes wants her back.” 

Kageyama’s eyes widen a little, still trying to process what you’re saying as the roses fall slack at his side. But the only thing he’s able to get out, is- 

“Wait, you like me?” 

You spin on your heel, flustered you admitted it, before beginning to walk off. 

“Goodbye, Kageyama-Kun.” 

“W-Wait!” Before he can stop himself, he finds himself grabbing you from behind to stop your leaving, your eyes widening as the bouqet of flowers remains tightened in his grasp as he does so, your back against his chest. The aromatic scent fills your nose as he successfully stops you from going anywhere. 

“I-I don’t know why you think you’re ugly or any of those things, but you aren’t.” Kageyama mumbles quickly, and you’re shocked to see that he’s trembling at the touch. “But I wasn’t lying, or trying to play you. I want to go on a date with you...and if you like me too, there shouldn’t be an issue, right?” 

“Shit!” Kageyama releases you right away, and you step away subconciously as you find yourself believing him, a hand over the clothed part of your chest as you do, cheeks blooming with a pink of their own. 

“...I think I’d like that.” 

“Like what?” Kageyama questions obliviously as you groan, blushing in a way that made the setter want to admire you even closer than from afar. 

“The date, don’t make me say it!” 

The blue-eyed setter releases a sigh of relief, his heart being sent on an emotional rollercoaster coming to an end as he chuckles the slightest bit at your embarrassed stature, offering the roses again in a now relaxed-manner. 

“Right. So can you maybe take the damn flowers and be my girlfriend?” 

Tsukishima

“I regret this. I’m going home.” 

“Tsukki! No!” Yamaguchi whines, pulling on his friend’s sleeve for the second time in six minutes. 

“She isn’t coming. Waiting outside her classroom is creepy anyway. She might’ve even already gone home.” Tsukishima says straight on, glancing at his childhood friend before the freckled boy could interject. “What are you even doing here?” 

“Moral support!” 

“Yeah, could you maybe...do that somewhere else?” 

Yamaguchi sniffs once, frowning. “I get that you’re nervous, Tsukki, but don’t take it out on me. Text me later and send Y/N my regards, okay?” 

“I’m not nervous.” The tall blonde claims, swiping through his playlist when in reality- the butterflies in his stomach said otherwise.

“That’s all you got out of that?” Yamaguchi sweat drops, shouldering his bag a little more before waving as he begins to walk off. “Be nice to Y/N!” 

“Wasn’t gonna kill her.” Tsukishima mumbles to no one as he’s left by his lonesome in the empty school corridor after school had ended, mostly everyone leaving or going to attend their club activities. He knew from Yachi who shared your class- that you stayed a little after school to study for a bit before leaving. 

Tsukishima had discovered about his emotional surge towards you when you had visited practice one day to drop off Yachi’s notebook- only to notice you more and more each time you had passed him by to the point where you would smile and wave while greeting him by name. Soon, all other girls seemed to become see-through, leaving you bright in a sea of unfamiliar heads. 

“Crap!” You stumble back, a relieved laugh filling the corridor as the blonde blinks, wondering how he had gotten so lost in his thoughts he hadn’t even seen you emerge or make himself known. 

“You scared me, Tsukki!” You whine, shifting your bag upon your shoulder before blinking in confusion. “Wait, what are you doing here? Is the volleyball club off today-?” 

“Go out with me.” 

Your breath hitches at the sudden attack. 

Tsukishima remains indifferent, thankful he was able to even say it, as he shoved his hands in his pockets, eyeing you seriously through his spectacles before you find yourself back there again. Back where your trust was stripped and your pride was stomped on before you smile- a smile that was anything but cheerful. 

“That’s not a very funny joke, Tsukki.” You laugh a little, hand tightening around your bag strap as you refuse to meet his eyes, your gaze falling on his shoes as you become overwhelmed with past events. 

“I’m not joking. Go out with me.” He repeats, not asking, but in a way where it sounded like he was basically telling you. 

“...How far are you willing to go?” You feel wetness brim your eyes, but your smile still remains- shaky yet present- as your voice cracks differently from the way you used to call his name. 

“What the hell are you-?” 

A smirk and multiple laughs ring in your head from your memories before you finally snap. 

 “Stop screwing around, alright?”

Tsukishima’s brow quirks up once, and in the next few moments, you gasp as your back is suddenly touching a nearby locker- Tsukishima’s hand resting by your side to create the illusion of entrapment as he leans in to you, and you don’t have to look up to know that his gaze was searing into you with a mixture of frustration and something else you couldn’t pinpoint. 

“Who’s screwing around?” His voice was quiet and irritable, and you swallow the lump in your throat as a few stray tears slip. 

“I’m just a joke, right?” You mumble, barely audible as you breathe in his scent from decreased proximity. “You boys always toy with girls like they’re your little playthings-” 

“Are you talking about that shitty prank that bastard pulled on you a few months back?” 

Your eyes snap up before you can stop them. “You...know about that?” 

“Why the hell are we here wasting our breaths on them?” Tsukishima questions, irritation evident in his tone. “I don’t do these kinds of things, ever, and you seriously think I’d be here telling you I like you as some kind of shit joke? Give me a break.” 

You blink, believing his harsh words as Tsukishima sighs, relaxing his neck so his head falls on your shoulder. 

“On the bright side you finally looked at me. Understood, I hear you loud and clear.” 

You bite your lip when he moves to step away from you, your hands clasping at the sides of his shirt before you can stop yourself. 

“I...I’ll go out with you, Tsukki.” 

The blonde’s eyes widen a fraction as you bury your head in his chest. 

“Just...please please don’t be like the others.” 

“I thought I told you.” Tsukki’s pointer finger prods at your chin, causing you to look up at him as he leans down so your noses brush. 

“You’re wasting your breath on the wrong thing, Y/N.” 

---------------------

General Works: @takemetovalhalla @savemesteeb @kasandrafaye @dreebbles

[violetnotez]

fic or whatever concept: fushiguro is in love w the reader but they have a huge crush on yuuji and it’s just megumi suffering as the reader and yuuji get together and they’re actually really,,, happy??? and in love???

This is the shit I LIVE FOR -also I made a whole playlist for this idea-you can watch the vid here!

✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:* ✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:*

Megumi x reader (not really?), Yuuji x reader

Songs to Listen to: Treat You Better (but the Kurt Hugo version, seriously, thank me later!)

✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:* ✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:*

Maybe if he had tried harder, this wouldn’t have ended up like this. He just felt alone, empty, with nothing to show but a broken heart and head full of bitter dreams.

Did he fool himself? That maybe, some miraculous way, he would have won?

Megumi lay on his bed, worn sweatshirt making his skin crawl and his black sweats uncomfortable to wear, his toes curling from disgust.

Nothing could get his mind off of you, even months after you started dating Yuuji.

 It almost got worse, now that you were off limits.

Funny how it works like that.

His brain seemed to just always want to think of you-the way your voice seemed to sparkle when you yell out his name, the way you look too damn cute when you’d walk out of your dorm room in the morning, hair messy and feet bare-

Fuck fuck fuck.

Megumi groaned, placing a hand on his forehead and smoothing his hair back in exasperation.

You weren’t his, and you’d never be his-he shouldn’t be thinking of you like this. You were dating his best friend after all-didn’t he have any shame?

Even though he was in so much heart ache, so much pain from the fact he couldn’t have you.....he couldn’t ever hate his friend from taking you away from him.

Yuuji was good to you, and painfully, he had to admit Yuuji was better than him in every way as a boyfriend.

Yuuji was sociable, able to strike up a conversation and make everyone feel like his best friend-Megumi wasn’t like that.

Yuuji wasn’t afraid of physical touch, constantly having a hand on your hip to keep you near him or swinging you around lovingly like he hadn’t seen you in years- he was terrified of physical touch.

Yuuji was strong, powerful, and able to protect you from the world- he couldn’t say the same for himself.

Megumi’s insecurities were infesting his body, gnawing at his bones, squirming through his muscles and into his skin, making his jaw clench and nails dig deep into his skin from disgust within himself.

Why hadn’t he at least fucking tried?

But he had been too placid, too worried of rejection, too worried of ruining your friendship-

But then again....he was just too selfless. He was willing to let everyone around him surpass him if it meant they would win, thrive, and live happy lives- even if it meant he had to suffer the consequence.

Megumi squeezed the white sheets around him, twisting them into tight spirals around his digits.

He let it happen again-he had succumbed to that fear.

Years worth of affection, years worth of admiration and dedication-washed away like it never happened., because of it And now he was dealing with the repercussion with phantoms of what could have been, with the jealousy, and a broken heart.

Megumi shifted in his bed, feeling his sweatshirt stick to his back, his hand reached out to grasp at the white beams of moonlight drifting into his room.

What would have happened if he had said no that day? Would anything have changed-if he had admitted that he did like you, that he had wanted to call you his?

✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:* ✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:*

He remembers that day like it was yesterday, that feeling of dread filling in his stomach as if he knew something was about to change, the shift of energy making an icy chill run along his back.

Yuuji has been behind him, leaving training as they usually do with his hands in his pockets.

It was quiet, the hallways empty except for the two of them, the wooden floors making soft clicks as it reacted to their footsteps. It should have felt peaceful, a soft breeze fluttering in from the opened windows as the sun began to set outside. But that errie sensation was still boiling in Megumi’s gut, that gnawing feeling of dread making him unable to enjoy the peace.

“Hey man, I wanted to ask you something real quick,” Yuuji’s voice stopped Megumi in his tracks, his feet halting with an echo in the empty corridor.

Megumi turned around slowly, tentatively, almost too worried to face what was behind him. 

Maybe at this time he knew what was about to happen, the feeling of dread settling.

“Sure,” he simply stated, shrugging nonchalantly as the golden sun set the room in a red hue.

“This might be a little personal,” Yuuji began, hands placed in the pockets of his sweatshirt still, “but I got a question about y/n.”

Yuuji looked at him, staring him down like two men in a duel. He was serious, more serious than Megumi had seen him in a long time.

“I know you guys are pretty close...”

“Yeah, I guess you could say that.” Megumi stated, swallowing a ball of saliva down his dry throat.

“Well, I-“ Yuuji sighed, pink hair swaying as he looked down at the floor quickly, almost preparing himself for what he was about to say next.

“I-I wanted to ask them out.....out on a date....”

“- it okay with you?”

Megumi’s eyes widened in shock, the his whole body feeling as if hit by a ton of bricks from Yuuji’s words.

This was it-the worst case scenario, the worst thing he knew was happening but didn’t want to admit.

Megumi tried to recover quickly, his eyes slanting back down to unamused slits in a matter of seconds.

“Why are you asking me?” he questioned, trying to keep the growing panic inside him at bay,” It’s not like I dictate who she dates.”

“I think you know why.”

“I don’t.”

“Fushigoro-“

Megum sighed violently, eyes looking up at the ceiling as he tried to fight the growing pain in his heart.

“I don’t dictate your life-I don’t dictate them-and you don’t dictate mine. Do whatever the hell you want-“

“I won’t date them unless you say it’s okay for me to Fushigoro.”

Itadori’ voice had none of that boyish, playful tone to it. It was more mature than Megumi had even heard it-but something behind it was different.

It was almost like there was this desperateness to it- Yuuji needed him to say yes. Yuuji so badly wanted to call you his-just like him.

“You can say no-“ Itadori rushed on, eyes intense with anticipation, “-I won’t think less of you or hate you for it.”

Megumi watched as he shuffled uncomfortably, the knowledge that he just admitted his crush making him slightly sheepish as he scratched the back of his head.

“Hell, I know I would-” he said truthfully, “ I just don’t want to ruin our friendship by going behind your back.”

Fuck, Megumi wanted to fight for you. He wanted to so so badly.

Megumi had known you for longer, you two were close friends, he had a connection to you-didn’t he deserve to be yours after being so dedicated to only you?

Fushigoro was there for when you cried over your stresses, rubbing your back patiently as you let everything out of you, summoning his animals because he knew how much they made you happy.

He was there for your late night study sessions, the lighting hazy as the pouring rain pounded on the window, cleaning up your room of the papers and flashcards after he convinced you to go to sleep.

He trained with you when you worried you weren’t strong enough, always making sure to congratulate you in someway, fighting the redness in his cheeks after you had successfully completed a new move, your skin dangerously close to his.

God, he had waited for so long-why did the world have to fuck him over? Why did his best friend, out of all the people in the world he could form a crush on, like you like that?

But looking at Yuuji, he knew he wouldn’t win this war. Him and Yuuji were very similar in their passion and devotion, but the simple difference between them was Yuuji wasn’t afraid to be selfish.

Megumi was accustomed to backing down for everyone, sacrificing himself so the people he loved could succeed. It was an awful habit of his, maybe due to his insecurities, maybe just a routine he learned at this point, he would never know- but the fact was he knew that Yuuji would never stop fighting for you. Even if Megumi screamed at him, cursed at him, told him to fuck off and leave you alone-Yuuji wouldn’t ever stop loving you. Itadori would respect Megumi’s wishes, but he would still protect you, fight for you, and love you with everything in him.

And that much devotion coming from someone as charismatic and kind like that-what person wouldnt fall for that?

Megumi sighed, his heart breaking in two at the sudden realization hit him-he was too weak to be any threat to Yuuji.

”You’re not going behind my back.” He finally said, looking down at the floor as the self loathing boiled in his stomach.

“But you-“

“I don’t. Like them.” Megumi was seething, hating every fiber in his body for doing this to himself. Each word was choppy, the sentence laced with sternness and bitterness.

“-Do whatever the hell you want.”

Megumi needed to leave, and leave quick. He hadn’t felt this emotional in a long time, and he didn’t want Yuuji to start thinking that he was actually bothered by all of this.

He turned on his heel, ready to get out of there as quickly as possible-

“Hey Megumi- you really okay with this? This won’t change our friendship? I won’t do this unless youre okay-“

Yuuji took a step forward, hand reaching out to his friend as a peace offering, a sheepish smile on his lips.

Megumi turned, his chest tightening as he looked down at his hand, too tired to reach out for it and pretend like he didn’t hate his friend at this moment.

“They dont like me. They like you- I see it. You’ll make them happy, and that’s all I want for them.”

Yuuji smiled , seemingly content with his quiet friend’s answer.

“Thanks man,”

Megumi turned again, head hanging low as he quickly left the corridor, desperate to get out of there.

“Tell me thank you when they say yes.”

✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:* ✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:*

He groaned, letting the painful memories overtake him as he turned his back to the wall.

It just hurt-maybe he would get over all of this one day, but right now he couldnt.

As if on cue to deepen his torture, he heard a giggle from you across his room, the muffled noise of Yuuji’s voice making him cringe.

Thin ass walls-you were probably visiting Yuuji again for the night, staying up all night to watch movies.....

This was destroying him-but he couldnt ever blame you for it, because you were oblivious to his love for you. He had made sure you would never catch on- and now you would never know because he was too cowardly to ever say it. 

God, what he’d do to have the roles switched though...with you breaking school rules to come visit him at night, to here that sweet laugh in his room, to feel your head cuddle into his chest, or see you slowly begin to wake up in the morning....

Megumi felt a pain in his chest at the wanting feeling that would never fully be satiated gnaw at his chest, his hands despertedly grabbing at his pillow and shoving it against his ear.

He didnt want to hear you, he didnt want to see you...at this moment he didnt want anything to do with you or Yuuji. 

This hurt too much...

Fuck, he really screwed up.

[crayonwriting]

The Sakusa House

(gif credits)

series masterlist

"Hello!" "Hello!" The producer greeted. "What's your name?" "Kiyoshi!" He said cheerfully, fidgeting around the chair he was sat in. "And, how old are you Kiyoshi?" He raised the corresponding number of fingers and showed it to them. "Three!" "Oh wow, and can you tell as what is your dad's name?" "Sakusa Kiyoomi." He slid down the chair and started dragging it around, but he was still paying attention to the interviewer. "Do you like your dad?" "No." This made everyone present on the set chuckle a bit. "Really? Why not?" "I don't like him." Kioshi said this with a soft smile on his face. The interviewer continued to ask him questions. "What's your mom's name?" "Sakusa Y/N." "And do you like your mom?" "Yes!" He cheered and clapped happily. ** "I ate everything by myself instead of sharing and now I have a stomachache." You wiggled the stuffed rabbit at Kiyoshi while he was busy choosing which instrument he'll use in the toy doctor's kit you gifted him. You both were sat in his bedroom and since it was your day off before you had to leave, you decided to play with your son as much as you can. "Blow your nose." Kiyoshi said, reaching for the rabbit. You pulled it away from him. "I have a tummy ache. Why would I blow my nose?" You shifted the toy further away from him. "I don't have a runny nose." Kiyoshi stood up and pulled at your arm, successfully grabbing the stuffed animal. He cradled it in his arms and wiped around its nose. "It will feel good if you blow your nose." He mumbled softly to his 'patient' and you couldn't help but giggle, remembering that you told him those exact same words when he was sick. ** You were a medical professional, specializing in home medicine. You have been on some TV shows and news interviews that you weren't fazed that much by the cameras now installed at various parts of your house. You smiled at the interviewer when she shuffled through her notes of questions. "So, how did you meet your husband?" "Well, he was introduced to me by a friend, who happened to be teammates with his cousin." You smiled at the memory. "They just told me that he was tall and handsome,"you blushed at this, "And that he was a volleyball player too. My friend, Rintarou, is also a volleyball player." You remembered how Suna and Komori were so eager to have you and Sakusa meet, saying that since he was cautious of germs and you were on the medical field, it'd be a perfect match. "On the way to the bar where we were all supposed to meet at, they kept asking me if I didn't have any clue about him." Crossing your arms on your chest and leaning back on the chair, you recalled the conversation that night. "I really had no idea. He said that he was one of the top aces in Japan during highschool, but I wasn't into the sport at that time." Everything was actually a blur after that. You hit it off with him on that night once Komori broke the ice between you two. Before you knew it, you were already dating the Sakusa Kiyoomi. You weren't aware that he was a sought-after bachelor like his teammates at MSBY, that's why everyone was shocked when the news broke out that his heart was already taken. You dated for five years before finally getting married. And just a year later, Kiyoshi was born and there was nothing else Sakusa could ever ask for. ** "Are you sick, auntie?" Kiyoshi asked the camerawoman who was settled in the tiny house the production team set up in your living room. He leaned in closer to ask if she was sick, which she answered with an, 'I'm okay.' Kiyoshi dragged his doctor's kit around as he looked for patients. He kneeled down and stared at his toy dinosaur and asked if it was sick. Not getting any response, he moved to the other tiny house in the corner of the room where a cameraman was filming him. "Uncle, are you sick?" "No, I'm okay." "Are you sick here?" He gestured to his throat repeatedly. The cameraman chuckled and told Kiyoshi that he was fine. You were sat in the middle of the living room floor, just smiling to

yourself as you watched your son. He was petting his toy dinosaurs that were scattered around the floor. His mood suddenly turned down a bit and you wondered what was wrong. Kiyoshi looked around the room and saw his snake pillow by the mat. He lay himself beside it and hugged the pillow to his body. "Papa!" He shouted randomly. You smiled and ruffled his hair. "Where's papa, Kiyoshi? He's not home?" Just as you said this, your phone rang from the kitchen table. When you saw the caller ID, your heart skipped a little. "Hi Omi-kun." You put the phone on speaker. "Kiyoshi, it's papa." At the mention of his father, he immediately perked up and ran where you were. He raised his arms up, reaching for your phone. You handed it to him carefully. "Tell your papa to come home." You encouraged. "Kiyoshi." Sakusa said. "I don't like Papa." Your son said this with a cheerful voice. "I don't like you." "You what?" "He doesn't like you." You answered for him. You pulled Kiyoshi to sit on the couch. "You don't like me?" Sakusa's heart cracked a little, but he knew his son wasn't serious about it. "I don't like yoooou!" The three year old repeatedly sang. You shook your head at his playful antics. Kiyoomi's attitude was far from this and you wondered if you were as wild as Kiyoshi was when you were his age. "Don't say that Kiyoshi." Brushing his wavy hair away from his face, you said, "Why don't you ask papa to bring you something, hm? What do you want to eat?" Suddenly feeling playful once more, Kiyoshi ran away with your phone in hand. You chased him with small steps, asking him to slow down since he was running 'too fast'. He squealed and laughed waiting for you to catch him. "Gotcha'!" He laughed louder when you cornered him and tickled his sides. Sakusa, who was still on the phone, heard the precious laughs of his wife and son and the urge to get back home as soon as possible grew stronger. ** "Is there a reason why you decided to be on the show?" Sakusa cleared his throat before answering. "The main reason is that I want to be closer to my son, Kiyoshi." "What kind of dad are you?" Sakusa took a second to answer that, before he smiled to himself. "To be honest, I am a low priority to my child." He chuckled softly. "He loves his mom the most. And at one time, I noticed how big he was growing. Time passed by so fast and I felt like I'd wasted it." To others, three years may seem like a short time but for him, it felt like he had been absent for forever. "I felt...really bad about that. I can't call myself a good dad yet." He was fiddlimg with his fingers on his lap, before looking back at the interviewer. "I really want to get closer to him." The crew were visibly in awe at Sakusa's endearing love for his son. This was one of the rare times Sakusa really made an effort to answer questions in an interview. Who knew the stoic Sakusa Kiyoomi was a big softie? "How will you describe Kiyoshi?" "He's very cheeky." Sakusa chuckled. "He always stops and greets the people he sees and he'd wait until they greet him back. He's also cheerful and I'd like to think he's smart." He nodded at the thought. "He learns words very easily." ** The front door opened and Sakusa felt relief wash over him as he was welcomed by the familiar warmth of his home. He removed his mask and proceeded to take off his shoes by the genkan. "Papa! Papa are you hurt?" "Hm?" He raised an eyebrow questioningly. "What was that? "Are you hurt?" Kiyoshi asked eagerly, bouncing on his feet. "He's been waiting to examine you all day." You smiled at your husband. You approached him and gave him a quick kiss on the lips, making yourself blush a little. Sakusa smiled at you and handed the take out you requested. You took it gratefully, heading over to the kitchen to prepare dinner. "Papa, are you hurt?" Kiyoshi asked once more, this time with his doctor's kit in hand. "Will you treat me?" Sakusa asked, sitting down the first step of the stairs. "Please treat me. My head hurts." Kiyoshi rushed to open his

kit and got the plastic stethoscope out. He carefully put it on and approached his father. Sakusa held his small body to steady him as Kiyoshi started on the examination. "My chest hurts as well." His father feigned a pained expression—as best as he could—when Kiyoshi pressed the end of his stethoscope to Sakusa's chest. Sakusa let out faux groans which sounded robotic but Kiyoshi didn't notice. He rushed back to his kit and pulled put the plastic injection. "Papa, has a cough too. I should give you a shot." Sakusa let out a fake cough as well and when his son pressed the toy to his arm he faked another gasp. "Ouch." He said, blunt as ever. "That hurt." His son just laughed and rummaged through his kit once more, pulling out a knife. "We need to take out your snot, too." "What?" Sakusa stiffened. Kiyoshi rushed back to him with the toy knife pointed towards his dad and Sakusa stopped him right there. "What are you going to do with that knife?" "Snot!" "What?" He laughed lightly, still pushing his son away as Kiyoshi kept trying to shove the knife into his father's nose. "He did that with his other patients." You interrupted from the kitchen; Sakusa looked at you. "He's gonna take your snot out." You giggled at the slight horror on his face. He was a lot less wary of germs when he was home but still, he was cautious about everything he touches—and in this case, what goes in and out of his nose. "Papaaaaa!" Kiyoshi whined. In a spur of the moment, Sakusa held his son's arm and guided the small toy near his nose. He let it graze the inside in the very slightest and he hoped his son was satisfied with it. "Kiyoshi, papa doesn't want you to do...that." Looking up from your preparations once more, you witnessed Sakusa letting his son pick his nose. The laugh you let out was unintentional, but you found it heartwarming to see your husband stepping out of his comfort zone, just to please his son. "Do you remove your snot with a knife?" He asked Kiyoshi, to which he nodded proudly. "How does it feel?" You teasingly asked your husband. Before he could answer, Kiyoshi said, 'It feels nice!', in a cheerful voice. He was going through the kit again. "Maybe, I should take your snot out too, huh Kiyoshi?" Sakusa teased. The young boy ignored his father's remarks, standing back up to give his father a bottle with a picture of a capsule on it. This time he started shoving the bottle to his father's mouth but Sakusa was quick to lean away. He held Kiyoshi's hand that was holding the bottle near his face, opening and closing his mouth briefly as if taking the medication. Kiyoshi's face broke out into a huge grin, knowing that he had cured his father. Sakusa held his son's face in his hands and kissed his forehead. "Thank you." He muttered, making Kiyoshi beam. "Get cleaned up, it's dinner time." You chimed. Kiyoshi hurriedly shoved his toys back into the doctor's kit; the prospect of eating dinner making him excited. Sakusa offered to help him pack up, only to get hit on the leg as Kiyoshi spun around. - - - It was now bedtime and Sakusa was checking the doors and windows. He turned off the kitchen and living room lights and headed towards Kiyoshi's room, where you and your son were already settled. You and your husband decided to sleep all together for one night seeing as you'll be gone for a while. He sat himself on the futon on the floor while you were snuggled up with Kiyoshi on his bed. "Kiyoshi." The little boy sat up at his father's voice. "Who do you want to sleep with? Is it Bunny?" Sakusa was referring to the little boy's favorite stuffed animal. Kioshi thought for a bit before answering. "Mama should sleep with Kiyoshi." You stiffled a giggle. "Papa should sleep there." He leaned over slightly and pointed to the futon Sakusa was already settled at. "I should sleep on the floor?" "Yes." Sakusa expected this and just shook his head. He never really was his son's priority. You stared at him to get his attention, silently asking him if he was okay. He answered with a soft

smile and a nod. You laid on the open edge of Kiyoshi's bed so that he wouldn't roll over to the floor. You extended your hand to your husbnad which he took gratefully. He lifted it up to his lips and gave it a delicate kiss. Your spine tingled at the sensation of his lips on your skin. Kiyoshi then handed you a book to read and snuggled to your side. You kissed the top of his head and started reading to him. Sakusa then laid down on the soft futon on the floor and turned his body to the side, facing you two. Just like his son, he let the sound of your voice lull him to sleep. *** "Papa! Papa!" Sakusa groaned and willed himself to wake up at the sound of Kiyoshi's calling. "Papa, did you sleep well?" He asked, already energetic. The room was dark except for the small sliver of light that escaped the curtain on one side. Kiyoshi was bouncing on his bed, sprawling his body on top of yours, effectively waking you up. He was able to make out Kiyoshi's small figure despite the dark room. "Hmm, yes Kiyoshi. Did you sleep well?" He asked, voice deep and still laced with sleep. His son didn't answer the question as he hyperactively called out to him again. "Papa!" Sakusa hummed in acknowledgement. "Now that I'm awake, can I have fun?" "Of course." Sakusa replied sitting up from the futon and stretching. He looked at your rousing form as you rubbed the sleep oit of your eyes. It may be cliché to think but despite your disheveled look, you're still breathtaking to him. "Good morning, my love." He took your hand and gave the back of it a soft kiss, just like he did the night before. He had refused to give you morning kisses even from the very start of dating, saying that it was unhygienic. "Good morning, Omi." You kissed his hand as well. "Had a good sleep?" "Sort of." He said bluntly, making you giggle. "Our bed is still better than this futon. Why didn't we just let Kiyoshi sleep in our room?" "Omi, he needs to learn to sleep in his own room." You chastised him playfully. While the both of you conversed, Kiyoshi went around his room, greeting all of his stuffed animals that sat atop his drawers. "Good morning Mr Penguin! Good morning Ms. Penguin!" He gave each toy a pat on their heads. ** After folding up the futon and blankets and freshening up, Sakusa headed for the kitchen and started on making breakfast. He measured two cups of rice and started washing them under the faucet. It wasn't long before you and Kiyoshi followed after him. "Shall we see what your papa is doing?" You hoisted Kiyoshi further up your arms for a better grip. You tapped on Sakusa's back, silently telling him to switch positions with you. He wiped his wet hands on a kitchen towel nearby and held them both out to Kiyoshi. "Come to me." He said. Kiyoshi just look at his dad before vigorously shaking his head. "Play with papa now, Kiyoshi. Mama needs to make breakfast." You rubbed his back and tried to pass him off to Sakusa but to no avail. Kiyoshi's grip on your neck tightened as he stuck his body to yours. "Why won't you play with me?" Sakusa asked, while brushing Kiyoshi's hair away from his face. The little boy looked away from his father. "I don't want to play with you." Kiyoshi mumbled into your shoulder. You tried setting him down on the kitchen floor but he just lifted his feet higher so as to not touch the floor. He let himself dangle from your neck until you gave up and stood up again. He whined in protest. Sakusa sighed and placed a hand on your lower back and whispered that it was okay. He didn't mind making his family some breakfast. "Are you sure?" You asked. He dismissed you with a small nod and a soft smile. He sighed quietly almost getting used to being little to no priority to Kiyoshi. You had told him before that it just takes a while and Kiyoshi was just three. Sakusa has all the time to change his son's mind, Kiyoshi saw how sad his papa looked when you started to walk away from the kitchen. He can't let his papa be sad and he wanted to comfort him. Like a switch, his earlier

distaste for his father was nowhere to be seen as he reached out to Sakusa. "Papa, hug me please?" He called out to him. You immediately set him down on his feet as he waited for Sakusa. Two big strides was all it took for Sakusa to reach his son and to scoop him in his arms. You couldn't help but smile at the interaction. "Show me your love, Papa." You giggled behind your hand as you noticed Sakusa's ears turning a slight tint of pink. You gave him a sly wink before walking back to the kitchen to continue the breakfast preparations. Sakusa couldn't help but blush at his son's words. To be honest, he wasn't really hiding it. He usually wasn't at the receiving end of Kiyoshi's affection. So during times that he is, he wouldn't care if he turned as red as a tomato. Kiyoshi rested his head on his father's strong shoulder, rubbing his hand on it far comfort. He remembers his parents rubbing his back during the times that he cried. So, he did it to Sakusa so that he wouldn't cry. Sakusa held the back of his son's head carefully, pressing a kiss to his temple. He swayed the both of them from side to side as they enjoyed the small yet intimate moment. ** "Open your mouth a little wider, Kiyoshi." He did as he was told but the scowl on his face remained while Sakusa helped him brush his teeth. Sakusa wanted his son to learn about hygiene and cleanliness at the youngest age so he hoped he was setting a good example. "Almost done." He stroked the brush gently in Kiyoshi's mouth before Sakusa declared that he was done. He rinsed out the small baby toothbrush before placing it back along with yours and his own. Kiyoshi was just about to step down from his step stool but Sakura was quick to stop him. "Let's wash your face first." He held Kiyoshi softly. Wetting his hand, he wiped and rubbed it down Kiyoshi's face as gentle as he could. He knew his hands weren't as soft as yours. After several years of playing volleyball, his hands were bound to be a little rough. It didn't seem to affect Kiyoshi in anyway. As Sakusa's hand ran down his face, he stuck his tongue out playfully. Everytime he would lick Sakusa's hand, he laughed to himself. Sakusa would flinch everytime his hand would make contact with Kiyoshi's tongue, only making the child laugh louder. ** During the time your boys were enjoying their moment together, you made breakfast. Egg omelettes, rice, fried salmon, miso soup, a serving of natto for Kiyoshi and Sakusa's favorite, umeboshi. "Itadakimasu!" Sakusa placed small servings of omelette and fish into Kiyoshi's bowl while you mixed his natto. Kiyoshi waited patiently as he took small bites off of the fish and eggs. When you were done, you scooped some natto and held it in front of your son. He opened wide and gratefully accepted the food. It was unusual for kids to like the traditional dish. But for some reason, Kiyoshi loved it. Sakusa took a bite of his umeboshi, savoring the taste. Ever since dating him, you've tried your best to make him homemade umeboshi and now that you've mastered it, it's the only umeboshi that he eats—even if you don't like the dish. "The soup is hot!" Kiyoshi stuck out his tongue. You offered him some water. Scooping up some miso soup with his spoon, you blew on it slightly to cool it down. "Here. I cooled it down for you." You fed him the soup which made Kiyoshi dance in his chair. "You're eating so well, Kiyoshi!" You said, ruffling his hair. As you continued to feed your son, Sakusa was enjoying the view. It always blew his mind how lucky he is to have you and Kiyoshi in his life. Having his own family was far from his thoughts when he was still in Itachiyama. But after meeting you, he found himself stepping out of his comfort zone—willingly—and he didn't regret any second of it. This only fueled him to do better for you and especially for Kiyoshi. ** "Papa, what are you doing?" Sakusa glanced at Kiyoshi who was in your arms once more, before returning to the task at hand. "Are you washing my dishes?" "Yes, I am washing your dishes."

Sakusa's response only made Kiyoshi laugh. You played with Kiyoshi in the living room while Sakusa cleaned up after breakfast. He turned down your offer to help, saying that you can go ahead and play with Kiyoshi. Besides, he found it relaxing to do a little bit of chores especially when it's cleaning. When Sakusa was done with the dishes, he started wiping down the table and kitchen counters. After that he cleaned the dining room floor, especially under Kiyoshi's chair where grains of rice and soup stains littered the floor. As the floor was taken care of, he gathered all the trash and took it outside to the bins. Meanwhile, you went upstairs and started getting ready for your small trip with your sister. You asked Kiyoshi if he can help his father which he happily answered with a 'yes!' Kiyoshi actually just stood near Sakusa and watched him clean. Almost twenty minutes had passed before you came down the stairs, fully dressed and carrying two bags. "Kiyoshi, I'll be going out now." Sakusa and Kiyoshi were playing with his dinosaurs when you got down. You weren't even gone that long and the two of them are already getting close. Sakusa picked up Kiyoshi and walked towards you. You leaned up a little and placed a big kiss on his cheek. "Play well with dad, okay?" He nodded as he clung to his father's neck. "Bye Mama." You smiled. You looked at Sakusa who was looking at Kiyoshi witha soft smile on his face. "Good luck, Omi." You whispered. He turned his gaze to you, eyes widened in the slightest at the meaning behind your words. The worry of taking care of his child who doesn't like him is starting to creep its way into Sakusa's consciousness. Laughing, you leaned on your toes and kissed his lips quickly. "You can do it." You rubbed your thumb on his forehead to remove the slight furrow of his eyebrows, which were bent in uneasiness. "You can do it." Kiyoshi repeated, laying his head on Sakusa's shoulder. This made both of you laugh. "Have fun, Y/N." Sakusa smiled, "I will." You placed a hand om the wall, balancing yourself as you put om your shoes. Sakusa picked up your bags and handed them to you,. "Mama, have fun." Kiyoshi copied his father this time. When you looked at your son, you noticed that he had a sad look in his eyes. It was because he isn't used to being away from you for too long. "Kiyoshi, have fun with papa okay?" Kiyoshi nodded obediently, clinging closer to Sakusa's neck. "Okay. Don't worry about us." You waved at both off them before finally heading out the door. The house grew quiet. Sakusa looked at Kiyoshi who was still staring at the front door. "Mama is gone." Sakusa stated. Kiyoshi looked at his dad but didn't say anything. ** "Kiyoshi and I will become close," Sakusa nodded to the camera with a determined look om his face, "I know I'll do well."

—

A/N: Happy birthday, my Kiyoomi! 💛💚 (THIS WAS SUPPOSED TO BE POSTED ON SATURDAY. TUMBLR WHYYYYY)

03.18.2021

[therealvinelle]

Hey,

What do you think the impact of being brought up as vegan would be on a vampire? I mean if you’re non vegetarian then it stands to reason that killing for food is normal (and humans are food for vampires) but if you’re raised to believe killing animals for sustenance to be a sin would that affect you when you turn? It doesn’t seem very likely with the way vampires act in Twilight where it seems empathy, for humans specifically, was just lost during transition (Carlisle seems to be an exception), but maybe it would?

I’m the person who asked the vegan thing.

I just realized that being raised vegan means that food was food to you so it really wouldn’t affect your diet much as a vampire. Humans were not acceptable to for both vegans and non-vegans but they both would probably end up eating them anyways as a vampire.

But what about people who changed from eating meat to abstaining because they grew up eating it and somewhere along the way realized that they were killing for it and decided to stop. In this case, the family and friends of this person were okay with meat but they decided to stop for the animals’ sake instead of a social norm. Would this kind of person be more likely to go for the vegetarian vampire diet because of their card for humans as well? How much of their personality would remain that they could still care about humans?

This here touches upon why Twilight vampires eat people in the first place.

Before I get into that, though, I feel I should point out that what people eat a is not so easily divided morally as vegans = recognize life has worth, vs. omnivores = don’t. Factors such as culture, income, class, social environment, education, health, politics, and priorities all play a part. There’s a reason why your average young and urban female college student is much more likely to be vegan than a rural male seventy-year-old factory worker, and it has nothing to do with an inherent sense of morality. Even then, someone could become a vegan for reasons that have nothing to do with animal welfare, such as protecting the planet, a special diet, or sustaining a superiority complex (this last category will of course never admit that that’s the real reason and you should unfriend them on facebook if you don’t want your timeline to be filled with guilt-tripping photos of smoking factory pipes and sad-looking cows).

But you weren’t asking about that, you were asking about vampires.

So, when a vampire wakes up, they are faced with this unbearable thirst. It’s different for everyone, or at least they describe it differently, but the whole point of this thirst is that it’s strong enough that you have to actively hold yourself back, at great pains, to keep from killing people over it. Some vampires, when especially hungry (newborn Carlisle when a herd of deer ran by) or confronted with a particularly delicious scent (Emmet when he met his singers) or just when caught off guard (Jasper at Bella’s birthday party), appear to lose their senses altogether.

Choice doesn’t really factor in it, not when you’re a newborn, and not really later on either.

Even if it did, we know that creating a vampire requires tremendous effort. There are two vampires I know of that were accidents, Carlisle and Garret. The vast majority of vampires were created as a conscious decision, and even if they weren’t, the Volturi have a law that Thou shalt not abandon thy newborn. And so this paragraph finally gets to its point: most newborns wake up with their creators nearby. And their creator will take them hunting, at a time when they’re not yet able to resist.

And so you have these people who wake up in completely new and foreign circumstances, their bodies not their own any longer, with this unbearable, constant pain in their throats they can’t escape. They can’t sleep, they can’t eat something else, they can’t tune it out with drugs. There is no reprieve. And yes, it does get better - but in those first few fateful months, they’re pretty much forced to kill people.

Carlisle was the exception, and while I don’t wish to lessen the incredible willpower and humanity he displayed when he resisted his thirst, he was in a unique situation that allowed it. His creator wasn’t there to force him to feed, he already knew what vampires were and as such was repulsed by his own nature, and he was sequestered away in a potato cellar, and therefore not in immediate proximity to humans. What he did was still incredible, but the circumstances allowed him to do it in the first place. Every other man-eating vampire in canon was not so lucky.

My point being, for newborn vampires eating people can’t really be called a choice.

Even as vampires learn control, I imagine the choice to continue eating people is a mix of several factors. In bullet points:

Sunk cost fallacy They’ve already eaten so many humans, why stop now? If there’s a heaven or a hell, they know which one they’re going to. Might as well get a good ride.

Humans aren’t people Vampires in Twilight are dismissive of humans more often than they’re not, often expressing surprise, incomprehension, or disgust at Edward falling for one. And I see why they would: it’s a coping mechanism, for starters, to stop seeing the people you’re tearing apart on a weekly basis as someone with thoughts and feelings. It’d be hard not to, when every interaction with a human is spent having to actively fight the urge to eat them. Men struggle enough with seeing women as people because we have boobs, vampires are the extreme version of that. More, a vampire’s human memories are fading, and what they do remember was so blurry and dull. With the sharpened and enhanced nature of the vampire, being endowed with vampirism will seem like more. Which makes humans less. (Relevant meta)

Blood is hard to resist The thirst is a huge problem. Even as vampires get better at controlling themselves, few of them seem to be particularly good at it. Keep in mind that the Cullens are all training to get to Carlisle’s level, they’re not representative of your average vampire. Most will fail when trying to create a new vampire, and they all balk at Carlisle being unbothered by blood.

Blood tastes amazing Siobhan’s reaction when she learns Carlisle has created a vampire of his own is, verbatim, “how tragic - to be deprived of the greatest joy in life.” (Midnight Sun, page I’m-not-sure) And I can’t blame her for it - blood puts out the fire in her throat, and is the single greatest pleasure in the world. Jasper, Emmet, and Rosalie all agree that it’s the thing a vampire craves more than anything. And living a meandering life where there are no milestones, no community, no home, no deeper meaning to anything, the intense pleasure of drinking human blood becomes the only constant and the only thing they have to truly live for and enjoy.

Then you have the fact that most of them have no idea that animals are an option. By the time they find out there’s a door number two, they’ve successfully dehumanized humans, have nothing else in life and the sunk cost fallacy is sky high. More, Carlisle is a crazy monk asking them to forgo their reason for living to go eat dishwater and be malnourished instead, all so that the mayfly humans can go die of consumption instead. I can see why they said “...no?”.

So, yes, Twilight vampires are terrifying demons who turn into psychopaths. But I can’t in good consciousness hate them for it, because they don’t really get a choice in the matter. Their very nature is designed specifically to turn them into this. Carlisle is a freak who makes everyone else look bad.

In other words, vegans are just as susceptible as others to becoming serial killers. If anything, vegans would eat those filthy meat-eaters to save the planet.

[tickly-trashcan]

Endurance Training {Todoroki x Reader}

A/N: i got your other asks, I hope I did okay with this request! chatting a little bit in the server helped a lot, so I hope I got an okay amount of what you wanted in here. I couldn’t help myself and slipped a little joke in with the code, and i feel like the game i came up with was a bit silly lol but i still hope you enjoy this one!

Summary: Class 1-A is participating in a new training exercise, and you end up paired with Todoroki. You’re determined to win the training exercise, and you’ll go to any means necessary.

Word Count: 2.5k (under the cut)

It was a relatively normal day. Or rather, as normal as a day could get in a world that you lived in, one where almost the entire population had unique superpowers called Quirks. You had a rather powerful quirk yourself, and so you decided to enroll in a Hero School, UA specifically. When you got in and were put in Class 1-A, however, you met someone who you had never expected to see again.

“Shoto?” You gasped when you had finally seen that red and white-haired boy once more, a person you hadn’t seen in what was now years.

You had known him during your childhood, you two were rather close until his father had forbidden you from seeing each other for whatever reason. You hadn’t seen him since then, but you had never forgotten about the shy boy.

He said your name barely above a whisper as he saw you, eyes wide. Everyone in the classroom looked at you two in confusion as you ran at Todoroki, giving him a quick hug and saying how happy you were to see him. He seemed a bit embarrassed, his face red, but he hugged you back anyway. He was still just as shy and reserved as he was when you had first met him.

After that, you two had acted rather normal around each other, catching up with each other after the long absence between the two of you. You sat together at lunch, walked together in the halls, and easily rekindled your friendship.

A few months into training at UA, having gotten your provisional licenses and encountered the League of Villains, you felt much stronger and more confident. Todoroki said he felt the same, and the two of you walked to class together from the dorms, where conveniently the two of you were right next door to each other.

You sat down in your seat behind Midoriya, Todoroki sitting further up front. It was probably one of the only times the two of you were separated from each other, and you could still find yourself staring at him.

Aizawa walked in, dropping some papers on his little stand at the front of the room as he addressed the class.

“Today we’ll be working on a special training exercise in Ground Omega. You’ll all be paired up with a partner, but you won’t be working together.”

The class murmured. Normally when students were paired up they would be working against other pairs, not each other, so this was a bit odd. Aizawa continued.

“This exercise will be testing your tracking ability, tactical skills, Quirk usage, and hopefully increase your resistance to torture.”

The classes murmurs went silent at the mention of torture. While it had been talked about in their classes since all heroes were at the risk of being captured and tortured, they had yet to experience anything like it. Aizawa noticed the looks on the students faces and quickly adjusted his speech.

“When I say torture I don’t mean anything serious, just try to interrogate your person in a harmless way. I’ve already assigned who will be who and which person you’re partnered with, I’ve made sure it’s at least decently fair.”

He went down the list, naming people such as Kaminari and Bakugo or Kirishima and Koda. He finally got to the bottom of the list, talking just as bored as he was with the other ones that you and Todoroki were paired, with Todoroki being on the receiving end. Todoroki turned in his chair and looked back at you, a small grin on his face. You grinned back at him, suddenly feeling rather competitive.

You went to go change into your gym uniforms, getting ready to begin the training exercise. When you and the other students arrived at Ground Omega you saw All Might waiting there, wearing his signature wide grin as he watched over the students.

“Welcome Class 1-A! Are you ready for the training exercise?” He asked cheerfully and was met with a less than excited agreement from the class. He hummed, realizing that the students must have been nervous after Aizawa’s explanation and tried to lighten the mood up a little bit.

“Don’t worry! We’re not going to be using any harmful methods or torture, it’s whatever you choose! Why, you could even tickle your person if you wanted to!”

You had originally been planning something else for Todoroki, but All Might’s words seemed to shift something in your brain. You glanced over at Todoroki, who looked over at you as you grinned at him. His normally calm expression shifted to something a little bit more nervous as he shook his head. He knew you well enough to know what you were planning, and you knew him well enough to know exactly how well it would work.

“Now, would every receiver come forward so I can tell you the code! This is a secret code that your partner will be trying to get out of you, and if you can last thirty minutes without telling them, you win! If you get the receiver to tell you the code you have to come back to the entrance and input the code into one of these boxes and press the button inside to signal that you’ve completed the exercise successfully!”

Half of the class stepped forward, including Todoroki, and listened intently as All Might whispered a code to them. He clapped his hands together as he finished up, telling a few words of advice to the receivers as well before addressing the whole class.

“The receivers get a five minute head start! After that, the rest of you will head in and try to track them down before interrogating them! Use the skills you’ve learned so far to help you.”

The class nodded as the receivers ran in. You waited a few moments before running in with the other students when the receivers head start was up. The other students took off into the forested grounds, hunting down their partners while you immediately took to the ground, feeling the surroundings. 

You had honed your Quirk to the max during your time at UA. Originally, you had only been able to form certain minerals and crystals and use them to your advantage in close ranged fighting, but you had managed to feel minerals in the ground as well, which gave you a major advantage when tracking Todoroki. You placed your hands on the ground, connecting to the minerals in Ground Omega and listened. There were many noises and footsteps, but you had a hunch on one specific running pattern not far off. You went with your instincts and began to chase it down. 

You stuck to the trees, watching your surroundings as you heard Kaminari wailing in the distance. Only someone as unlucky as Kaminari could’ve ended up with Bakugo as their partner, and you couldn’t help but feel pity as he screamed.

You continued on, however, and finally came up to a clearing in the woods, and you hid behind a tree as you saw Todoroki creep out from behind a bush and rush through the clearing, heading rather close to you unknowingly.

You jumped out from behind the tree, Todoroki instantly stopping in his tracks when he saw you. You ran at him and he raised his left hand, but no ice emitted. You hardened some crystals on your forearm just in case and tackled him to the ground, pinning his hands underneath your knees as you straddled his hips. He struggled, though it was clear that he already lost. You grinned at him, deciding to rub it in his face a little bit.

“Decided to show me mercy, hmm? You’re gonna regret that,” You quipped, and Todoroki grumbled, deciding to play along a little bit.

“You know I’m not going to tell you the code, right?”

You clicked your tongue, shaking your head as a grin grew on your face.

“I don’t think you realize the situation you’re in…”

Todoroki squirmed a bit more, uncomfortably this time, as if he were nervous. 

“I-If I weren’t the receiver I would’ve already gotten the code out of you by now,” He huffed confidently, a small grin on his face as well, as though this were some sort of game, one that he’d definitely win.

“You know, Shoto,” You said, leaning forward slightly as you traced a finger down his neck, making him freeze. “You’re awfully cocky for someone who’s so ticklish.”

Todoroki’s eyes widened. He had been hoping you would choose anything besides that, but apparently not. He shook his head, and you chuckled.

“What, did you think I forgot? You were so sensitive when we were younger, I wonder if you are now~”

“I’m not!” Todoroki exclaimed, his voice cracking in fear as you chuckled darkly.

“Oh? Then surely you won’t mind if I try it, hmm?”

Todoroki shook his head, practically chanting “No!” over and over as your hands slowly traced over his ribs, digging in lightly as he squirmed from side to side, giggling softly.

“S-Stop!”

You grinned smugly as Todoroki looked up at you, shaking his head. “Time to find out just how ticklish you are~”

Before Todoroki could react, your hands were under his pinned arms, wiggling your fingers around as he threw his head back, squealing.

“WAHahahahait! Stopstop! Plehehehease!” Todoroki’s panicked giggles immediately erupted and began to fill the air around you, Todoroki squirming from side to side as he tried to pull his hands out from under your knees but to no avail. 

He tried to clamp his arms, but he couldn’t, giving you free reign as you continued to scribble your fingers under his arms. You chuckled as his face turned slightly pink, likely from embarrassment as he continued to laugh. 

“This brings back memories, doesn’t it Shoto?”

“Nohohohoho! Leave me alohohohone!”

“Give me the code and I might~”

“M-Might? GAHAhaha!” Todoroki wailed when you dug into his ribs, dancing your fingers along as you played him like an instrument. You hummed, easily drumming your fingers along before tracing them downwards, brushing over his tummy before you poked his hips, making him jump. 

You grinned, grabbing onto them before giving them a firm squeeze, Todoroki throwing his head back as frantic laughter poured out from him. He bucked and squirmed, trying to wiggle out of your grasp, his hands changing temperature under your knees, which you noted. 

“Gonna start fighting back? Or are you planning on giving me that code?”

Todoroki’s laughter was echoing throughout the whole area as you attacked his hips with ease, pinching above the hip and then digging your thumb into the bone, driving Todoroki up the wall with the overwhelming sensations as he was completely overcome with mirth.

He still wasn’t giving up the code though, despite your efforts. You frowned, realizing you might need to take it up a notch. You grinned, using one hand to trace a circle on his tummy, making him shriek.

“What happens if I tickle you… here?” You asked, suddenly pinching up the sides of his tummy as he wailed, arching his back as he tried to squirm away from your vicious hands.

His laughter rose in pitch and volume as you scribbled your fingers across the sensitive spot, climbing up to his lower ribs before raking your fingers back down as he tried to squirm away, your hands following him with ease.

He threw his head back and cackled as you chuckled at him, laughing a bit when he snorted and shook his head. 

“Feel like telling me the code?”

“Nehehehehever!!” He screamed, digging his heels into the ground behind you. You chuckled and kept up the work on his tummy, knowing it was definitely going to be the spot to get him to break. 

“This brings back memories, doesn’t it Shoto?” You teased, and he shook his head, though you could tell he remembered. How could he forget? You were his best friend back then and now, and he had told you once that he treasured every memory he had with you.

As you thought more about your past with Todoroki you remembered something. Your smug grin widened as you kept scribbling along his tummy as he thrashed beneath you, slowly cooking up a plan in your mind.

“Hey, Shoto, what’s my favorite instrument?” You asked, and Todoroki looked at you slightly confused as he continued to laugh.

“Wh-Whahahat?”

You lifted his gym uniform shirt, and his eyes widened as he realized what you were doing.

“Nonono nohohohoho!! Don’t you dahahahare!”

“Give me the code then,” You said, and he shook his head, still giggling as you pinched his sides. You shrugged, leaning down as he panicked, screaming the word “No!” over and over as you got closer to his tummy. 

“What’s my favorite instrument, Shoto?” You asked with a sweet grin, halting your fingers for a moment as Todoroki giggled weakly. He knew exactly what you were up to, he remembered this game well. Though, knowing you, regardless of whether he picked the right instrument or not he knew you would still tickle him, anything to get the code.

“P-Piano?” He guessed and you made a buzzing noise.

“Wrong! Tuba!” You said. You quickly pressed your lips on his tummy, blowing hard as he screeched, your fingers on his sides as you pressed in specific patterns, much like playing a tuba. That was how the game went, whichever instrument you chose was the one you’d play if he guessed wrong, and it never failed to drive him absolutely bonkers.

You blew raspberry after raspberry on his tummy until it was pink, your fingers playing his sides like the valves of a tuba as he practically screamed with laughter beneath you, kicking his legs as he shook his head frantically.

“Okahahay! OKAHahahay! The code, I’ll give yohohohou the cohohodeeeee!” He finally squealed out after a few moments of the tuba torture. You pulled your hands and head away from him, folding your arms across your chest as you watched Todoroki’s chest heaved as he greedily took in the air around him. You waited for him to speak, but after getting a bit impatient with him you started scribbling your fingers on his tummy again.

“I’m gohohohonna tell you! Stahahap!” He squealed, and you let up, Todoroki letting out one final wheeze before speaking again.

“T-The code is 420,” He said weakly, and you smiled happily, patting his cheek before getting off of him, running off to the gate of Ground Omega. All Might stood at the entrance, along with a few students as you went over to a pink colored box and input the code that Todoroki had told you, making the box pop open as you pressed the button. A little thumbs-up popped out of the box as All Might pat you on the back.

“Congratulations on successfully completing the exercise!”

You chuckled and rubbed the back of your neck shyly, turning back to face the forest as you saw Todoroki walking towards the gate, having fully regained his composure from his previous wreckage. 

You grinned and walked over to him, chirping happily about how you had won as he blushed, turning his head away from you. You laughed and poked his tummy again, making him squeak. He glared at you and you only laughed, making him smile softly. 

“I’ll get you next time,” He said, and you chuckled.

“Sure you will~”

[narrators-journal]

Step two

Sorry for the vanishing! I was out with friends for a two days. Because of this, this particular part is a little less edited because I’m exhausted, but! I will post!

Previous part: here

First part: here

Good progress was made in a rather short time after that first night, Illumi felt, but he still had a pretty big issue when it came to more personal matters. Mainly, it was the fact that he struggled to adjust to the life of an impoverished man. He couldn't cook at all, he had no idea how to do laundry, and sleeping in his relatively cheap bed was awful for a conductive rest. That wasn't even touching the fact that being alone without a butler or maid truly revealed  how messy he was, his clothes scattered around or piled up to await washing he couldn't provide, snack wrappers here and there, the trash verging into overflowing territory before he bothered to take it out, which wouldn't have been so bad if his goal was not to consequentially get you into his bed, and according to his mother, women weren't keen on sleeping in a dirty bed no matter the charm of the man. However, that matter was for later, on a more cheerful note, he felt he was making relatively good progress with you. Such good progress, in fact, that he had landed a date to a restaurant with you already.

The restaurant was a bit cheap, small, with a very unrefined sort of aesthetic through out, but you had said you enjoyed it, and it was an opportunity to see you dressed up a bit for him. Maybe this is why Father takes Mother out on her demanded dates. he mused while he sat outside in the cool evening air of (f/r) waiting for you in the best 'poor' clothes he had in his closet. He continued to think about his situation until he heard you snort, making him whip his head towards you, eyes beginning to narrow,        "Illumi?" you said with a bit of amusement "um, you look very nice, but this isn't the type of place that deserves that type of outfit." you pointed out, gesturing to the dress pants and button up shirt with a tie. In contrast, you had on a rather nice dress, maybe with some leggings, appreciated by the assassin if so, that wasn't super flashy, making Illumi stand out among the other casually dressed customer.        "oh. This is the only sort of nice clothes I have." he explained, and he didn't know how to feel about your giggle in response just yet.        "Maybe after our...d-date," you turned an adorable shade of pink when you admitted what this outing was, "you can look into buying some less proper clothes." you suggested, and even he had to admit it came off a bit more suggestive or rude than you most likely meant. "S-sorry, that sounded weird." you muttered, your face staying a slightly darker pink this time as you turned your eyes to the sidewalk. Illumi simply smiled,        "It's fine, (y/n), let's just go eat." he suggested, and you were quick to agree, letting him lead you into the restaurant.   The date was going well in Illumi's mind, though he could about feel the tension rolling off of you in the silence. I guess on a date it's a bit weird to simply sit  there in silence. he mused, than remembered his intention with this date, so he began asking you questions about yourself. Admittedly, he was a bit stiff about it, but you seemed to relax little by little as the two of you spoke. It seemed that his slightly off and awkwardly blunt nature worked in his favor as well, since you were soon giggling and smiling at Illumi's 'obliviousness' when his words could come off as different and sometimes more inappropriate than he meant, and the ebony haired assassin decided he enjoyed your laugh, slipping in a few double entendre here and there on purpose to fluster you and make you giggle more. Your laugh was quite pleasing to hear, which was good because he needed a wife who wouldn't be super annoying, wouldn't be demanding of him, and wouldn't require going out of the Zoldyck estate a lot. From how you were so reclusive, he trusted that you'd not want to head into town a lot or down the mountain. She'll most likely hide herself away a lot too, making the biggest obstacle intercourse, but if push comes to shove I can tie her down. He thought while the two of you ate, but then he realized something, Wait, if she's so reclusive because of sexual trauma, tying her down and taking her by force could push her over the edge. I'll need to figure out if her habits are innocent , or trauma related. From there I can plan accordingly. He decided, looking at you with his dark eyes as you ate, attempting to read your body language for hints, but than you spoke out of the blue,          "Um, Illumi? Are...you alright?" Your voice was tinged with caution and...discomfort, maybe it was some sort of physical trauma that made you so shut off from the world? He'd have to think on that idea,          "Hm? Oh, yes, I'm fine. I was simply admiring your pretty face," he said, grinning at the wave of red that overtook your body in response. You were deliciously easy to fluster. Wooing her must be a simple task, he thought to himself while you cleared your throat,          "Um...could I ask you a question?" Your voice was meek, uncertain, making the assassin's heart squeeze with excitement while he nodded, "uh, sorry if this is rude, but why are your eyes like that?" The question was a bit out of the blue, and his silence seemed to convey that seeing how you instantly tried to backpedal,          "How are my eyes odd?" he asked, not letting you change the subject,                "I dunno, they just seem...kinda dead." you pointed out, and he nodded,            "Ah, I can see why that may seem weird, but I don't have a reason for why my eyes seem...dead, they've been like this my whole life," he explained, making sure to add a casual, not-offended lilt to his voice to hopefully quell your remorseful, anxious aura. You nodded,        "I-I still think they are very pretty eyes, uh, very hypnotic almost...kinda..." you fumbled before a short, tense silence seemed to fall between the two of you while Illumi slowly blinked and hummed, watching you with his dark, owlish eyes. Finally, you changed the subject awkwardly. Your social ineptitude was so alluring to him, and so fun to aggravate like some sort of wound. Once the food was gone, he picked back up on the conversation, continuing to learn about you and flirt until it was time to pay and take you home. As the two of you walked down the street though, he decided to ask,           "(y/n), would it be rude to ask why you don't seem to go outside a lot?" He did his best to phrase it gently, just in case it was a trauma response, listening to your explanation. If it was something to do with a dark part of your past, no matter for the assassin, he simply decided to end whoever hurt you or their loved ones, but if it was little more than you being an introverted, naturally skittish woman, he was ecstatic. If you were just not very social on your own, he had fewer things to avoid in terms of successfully wooing you, which was such a relief to him, plus, he could easily work on your social awkwardness, so that in itself wasn't even an issue. When the two of you reached your home, he kissed your cheek,           "I hope you enjoyed your night," he hummed, doing his best to ensure he had his charm lacing each word, which came off as slightly suggestive but he was fine with that.           "I did, so, um, maybe some other time...we could do this again?" you offered, attempting to match the flirtatious tone he had, making the assassin smile slightly despite the awkwardness of your attempt.           "I'd enjoy that. It gives me a reason not to try cooking for myself," he pointed out, making you laugh slightly,           "Glad I could be of help tonight than." With that, he took the chance and leaned down and kissed you pretty quickly, watching your (e/c) eyes widen for a moment before you became a flustered mess for the umpteenth time that night. You swiftly said good night and scurried into your home, leaving the tall man outside in the cool spring night. He stood there for a moment, debating whether or not he should sneak into your home again, but deciding not to. He instead headed back to his house and contemplated what to do for the next date.

[tomorrow-and-tomorrows]

Narrative perspective and how cursed techniques become worlds: Gojou Satoru

In a key moment when theorizing about the nature of soul and body, the Brain speculates that “techniques dictate our worlds”. One of the other ways in which technique = world becomes literalized is through the narrative perspective from which we see characters.

Perspective, or point of view, determines our angle of vision through which to perceive character and story. It shapes representation and determines both how and what we are allowed to see.

Gojou

Gojou’s default technique is Limitless, which brings forth the distance that makes it impossible for objects in the world to reach him; neutral Limitless puts an uncrossable distance between himself and the world.

In the one-year timeskip after Riko Amanai’s death, it’s precisely as he’s learning to have his Limitless activated at all times that he and Geto become unable to reach each other. As Gojou’s power increases to sustain this invisible space, an uncrossable distance opens up between the person who was closest to him.

But I think there’s an additional distance that opens up as Gojou’s technique strengthens: The narrative distance preventing access to Gojou’s direct perspective and interiority after the Hidden Inventory Arc.

In contrast to how we were plunged into Geto’s intense introspection, there is nothing of Gojou’s internal thoughts from the immensely important turning point of the Premature Death chapters to ch.79 when he approaches Megumi. During these chapters, his Limitless technique defines his “world” both within the story (physically and interpersonally/emotionally), and on this meta-level of narration.

From then on, Geto and the readers can only observe Gojou from the outside: his inner mind becomes inaccessible and unreachable. So much so that, as readers, we might feel the absence distinctly as if part of the story after the Hidden Inventory arc and during Premature Death arc is altogether missing or incomplete.

In order to understand his words and expressions here, we are required to interpret, to try to bridge that impenetrable space that never lets us get any closer to Gojou. These two moments in particular illustrate this narrative distance, again as the most defining moments of his life, yet we are left looking on from the outside, ever held at a distance from his actual mind.

These two moments are the most defining moments of his life - dealing with losing Geto, and the first step he takes to dedicating his life to raising young allies through education. These moments are angled very similarly; our angle of vision is to look at Gojou, not through Gojou’s perspective.

We get physically close to Gojou’s eyes as possible, but that is the limit: there is a silence, an uncrossable space between us and his interiority. We never get so close as to access his inner thoughts when it is most important. It feels almost impersonal, alienating as readers to not be privy to these turning points in his worldview.

And it’s not just the case in these two singular moments, but the entire situation after the Hidden Inventory arc. How did Gojou emotionally process Riko’s death? What was on his mind during the time he was sent on solo missions no longer accompanied by Geto? How did he feel about Haibara’s death? How much of Geto’s psychological state was he really aware of? How did his reflections on Toji’s last words lead to him reaching out to Megumi?

It’s also the narrative method after he kills Geto in the prequel: we are shut out from his private emotions, only able to see what he chooses to reveal to the external world - nothing more than an inscrutable smile and a brief expression of affection for the person he had just killed. Does he feel guilt? Acceptance? What were his emotions in the moments after Geto’s death? We are denied access to these answers.

Similarly, many of those above questions about the post-Inventory arc situation will never be definitively answered in the way of internal monologue. However, many of them are implicitly answered, just not in a conventional, straightforward way. Rather than understanding him by being able to access his interiority, we are required to construct an understanding of him based on his external actions.

“Narrative says less than it knows, but it often makes known more than it says.” - Gérard Genette, Narrative Discourse

His response to failing to save Riko, to killing Toji, to Geto leaving, and so on -- we see how nearly all his subsequent actions are haunted by and in response to all these events. We don’t get internal monologue recounting what he feels, but we can try to discern how he feels in everything that he does, every decision that he makes throughout the rest of the story. Becoming an educator, finding meaning through raising allies to connect with, saving Megumi from the Zen’in clan, saving Yuta and Yuji from execution, endorsing Maki’s ambition to transform the Zen’in family, seeking change through education rather than violence, shouldering the balance of the both the jujutsu and human world--

In all of these decisions, we get as close to answer as possible of what he feels in response to the personal catastrophes of his youth that he had silently endured: above all, a deep sense of responsibility and a profound internalization of the experiences and painful lessons that come to define his entire life.

It is also no coincidence that, in Shibuya Arc, it is at the same moment the Prison Realm is able to physically overcome the distance of his Limitless technique, that this narrative distance established in chapters 76-79 is crossed for the first time in a meaningful way.

Throughout his fight with Jogo and Hanamai, we do get a some of his internal thoughts, but it’s for the practical purpose of knowing what his strategical deductions are; they tell us nothing substantial about his emotions, hence not what I consider a ‘meaningful’ overcoming of distance.

But as his Limitless utterly fails to prevent the Prison Realm from seizing him, suddenly that object in the world is able to reach him, and the narrative is simultaneously able to ‘reach’ his mind to a greater extent than before. Whilst he had previously successfully shut everything out, now he is suddenly permeable both in body and mind.

More precisely, what I’ve been calling this ‘narrative distance’ is crossed immediately before the physical distance is eliminated. The emotional distance is actually breached before the physical, but ultimately these two results are inseparable from each other.

Finally, we begin to understand directly, through just a momentary glimpse into his interiority, how strongly he feels the loss of his best friend, how present and alive those years of his youth are constantly in his mind. Seeing Suguru’s face after being emotionally and physically drained by his fight is what exposes his vulnerability, a weakness of the heart that we wouldn’t even be sure was still there until this moment.

It’s the delayed emotional insight into Gojou that makes it all the more poignant; we’re well past his Past arc, but it’s only now that we become privy to how heavily those events weigh on his mind. On a first reading, it would require us to slightly re-write what we would’ve understood of Gojou solely based on the previously distant, impersonal feeling we got from those past chapters.

The final major implication of what I’ve been suggesting is how, in light of all this, how to think about the effect of the last real substantial access to his inner thoughts/emotions.

The last meaningful unmediated access we get to Gojou’s inner thoughts/emotions during his Past Arc is this moment when he renounces human emotion and apologizes to Riko for feeling like he’s no longer fighting for her sake.

Even though this is a powerful, lasting impression of his inner mind for readers, it is not the case that this moment of egoism, self-centredness, and renunciation of compassion is completely who Gojou Satoru remains even as an adult. Gojou definitely retains some of those traits in his personality - I don’t want to overlook the extent of his individualistic mentality, self-involvement, and difficulty emotionally considering others. However, his actions in the aftermath of this spiritual transcendence demonstrate that this moment and those characteristics do not define his entire person at the expense of all others.

Again: the narrative distance that deliberately denies readers access to his inner mind after the Hidden Inventory Arc requires us to evaluate his character based on his subsequent actions that demonstrate his movement away from this emotionless, compassionless state, towards motivations that are highly emotionally driven.

Although this renunciation of human emotion and obligation towards Riko is the last substantial thought we receive from Gojou’s direct point of view, his character has not remained static since that temporary moment. On the contrary, he develops drastically from that, though we witness this change from the outside: the Gojou Satoru we see after the one-year timeskip and ten years later in the present day is a largely different Gojou Satoru than the one who feels no anger on behalf of a child he’d failed to protect - and the only way we can understand this when his mind is largely closed off to us is through looking at his external actions.

For example, in stark juxtaposition to his apology to Riko for not feeling anger or vengefulness, not only does Gojou immediately after think of killing the cult members to avenge her death, a large part of his philosophy as a teacher is founded on anger on behalf of children whose youth are threatened to be cut short. We get this primarily through external speech and action.

We do not experience his anger, realization of the value of working together with allies rather than exclusively as an individual, or decision to save children like Yuta and Yuji through a step-by-step psychological progression: we only see the end results of all that development that certainly occurs, but is hidden from us.

For such a major character, I find this a fascinating method that might run contrary to our expectations of how to portray and understand character development. It requires a greater degree of interpretation about the internal thought and emotional processes that, though not brought to the surface of the narrative, are at the foundation of his external actions, speech, and expressions throughout the story.

“Narrative 'representation', or, more exactly, narrative information, has its degrees: the narrative can furnish the reader with more or fewer details, and in a more or less direct way, and can thus seem to keep a greater or lesser distance from what it tells." - Gérard Genette

[eatyourchancletas]

SUMMARY |  y/n l/n; the trauma surgeon who was in the wrong place at the wrong time and is taken hostage by the terrifying mafia known as ateez. despite their situations, love arises between the doctor and san; but when an enemy comes in between the group, breaking trust and belief between the members, what will san choose to save; his newfound love or his brothers?

PAIRING | choi san x male reader

INFO/CATEGORY | mafia au, fluff, light angst

WARNINGS | violence, weapon usage/mention, foul language, lower case writing

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AUTHOR’S NOTE | woops, finally have chapter 3 here! alex wasn’t able to finish it so i (monnie) did, but alex edited it so it was a smooth process. please like and reblog!! feedback is greatly appreciated!! please excuse any mistakes!

WORD COUNT | 4.7k

TAG LIST :; @jonghoshoe​  if you’d like to be added to the list please say so in our inbox/ask box!

hongjoong had gathered everyone around, gaze settled upon his members. “this mission is very important. we’ve managed to get a good deal. he says if he manages to make a good first impression with us, he’ll be willing to work with us at a smaller price.”

everyone nodded along, understanding what he was trying to say: don’t mess this up. 

the leader continued as everyone seemed to catch the drift, “but we’re going to be very careful with this. we don’t put ourselves out there, so i don’t know how he knows our reputation enough to want to further business before we’ve even started.”

seonghwa perked up, arms tightening around himself, “that means old business is talking.” hongjoong nodded, letting him know they were both on the same page.

after a moment of silence, hongjoong sucked his teeth and looked up at y/n, eyes holding an emotion the older couldn’t read. the two held eye contact for barely 3 seconds before hongjoong spoke in yeosang’s direction. “i want you to stay here with y/n,” at those words, the younger gave a look that explained his feelings very well, y/n thought.  

yeosang thought this was bullshit, but he couldn’t speak out on it because he trusted hongjoong knew well enough. “don’t take it personal, i don’t trust y/n fully. we don’t know what can happen.”

yeosang could only nod, deciding against disobeying hongjoong’s orders. 

“alright, everyone get ready. we leave in an hour, i wanna get there early. scope out the place.”

y/n felt ashamed and angry. 

ever since the group left for the mission, almost an hour ago, yeosang has been rude and treating him like he was the cause of all his problems. he felt ashamed because yeosang’s bruteness made him feel, somewhat, small and embarrassed, like it was his fault they were in this situation.

“get out of my way,” yeosang had shoved y/n on the way to the kitchen. the older stared dumbfounded, patience wearing thin.

“a simple excuse me would’ve been nice.”

yeosang scoffed, opening the refrigerator. if there was one thing that bothered him, it was being on babysitting duty. 

“yeah, well i’m not exactly in the mood to play around and be all goody-two-shoes. so you know what would be nice?” he directed a sharp glare to y/n, not giving him a chance to answer his rhetorical question, “if you would fuck off.”

y/n bit his tongue, sizing up the smaller. his thoughts blocked his irritation, taking in the fact that yeosang was a gang member. he’s pretty sure size wouldn’t inconvenience the younger when handling a physical situation, much less a verbal one.

the doctor went to walk away as yeosang placed a plate in the microwave, until he noticed red markings on the skin of yeosang’s wrist, his shirt sleeve sliding down as his arm lifted. “are you okay?”

“last i checked, i didn’t ask for some psychological evaluation. so for the love of god-”

“no- i meant your wrist… is your wrist okay?”

a barely noticeable blush covered yeosang’s ears, “i’m fine. it’s nothing.” 

y/n’s head tilted, an unsure look on his face.“do… do you mind if i take a look at it?” 

yeosang stilled, the low hum of the microwave filling in the silence. he hesitated, but decided against it, knowing yunho had told him he needed to get it looked at because there wasn’t much he could do.

his eyes drifted to y/n, his arm slowly gravitating in the direction of y/n, a silent approval. the doctor carefully walked forward, gently grabbing yeosang’s hand and pulling the sleeve slightly. a small gasp left his mouth, the sleeve barely pulled back but the wound already looked pretty bad. “do you have a first aid kit?”

the metal lid of the small trash can clinked as it swung back and forth, ointment-clotted swabs and bandage wrappers crinkling within the confinement. “thank you,” yeosang’s voice was small, his upset mood dissipating as time went on. 

“it’s no problem,” y/n finished wrapping yeosang’s wrist, careful not to make it too tight, “that was a second degree burn though… how’d you get it?”

yeosang looked down, a blush settling on his cheeks. his head dropped and his feet swung under the medical cot he sat on. he mumbled something, biting his lip afterwards, and y/n’s eyebrows furrowed. “i’m sorry, what was that?” and yeosang mumbled once more, y/n still not hearing what he said. “huh?”

“i said i burned myself trying to help seognhwa hyung make your meals!”

y/n blinked, “oh.”

and for the next few moments, it was deadly silent, the ticking of the wall clock echoing. y/n couldn’t take the awkwardness any longer, clearing his throat, “well, next time you get hurt, please don’t be afraid to come to me. it’d give me something to do, i already feel pretty useless and lonely here, to be honest.”

yeosang looked up, his feet no longer swinging, and a confused look on his face. “you’re not useless. we wouldn’t have kept you alive if you were.”

at that moment y/n inhaled, not knowing how to respond to that. “uh, jeez, that uh… hm, that makes me feel better… i guess?” a moment passed before the two chuckled, a comedic break turning out to be a lot more comforting than they expected. 

minutes passed, their conversation dying down into light replies and subtle smiles when yeosang asked a question that threw the doctor off. “do you know anyone by the name of heeseung?”

dozens of thoughts raced through y/n’s mind; why does he want to know? is heeseung okay? did he do something he wasn’t supposed to? 

“. . . yes.” but y/n couldn’t ask any further because before he knew it, yeosang had nodded and gotten down from the cot, walking out of the infirmary area.

meanwhile, miles away the others had arrived at the meeting spot, every member cautiously looking out for anything strange. seonghwa began pulling in closer to the black van adjacent to theirs, letting hongjoong and wooyoung scout to make sure this was the man they were meeting with.

after confirmation that this was dongwoo, they holstered their weapons within the waistbands of their trousers and exited the van. 

“have you got it?” hongjoong cut to the chase; he was quite a brute person when it came to work. and dongwoo and his people wanted to make a good first impression? he’d see how well he could handle him.

“yep, got a truckload of ak-47’s, m16’s, and a couple 9mm’s. all smuggled from america.”

hongjoong pursed his lips, an impressed nod making dongwoo’s ego subtly inflate. word on the street said no one had successfully managed to smuggle weapons, specifically guns, to ateez without the korean law getting too heavily involved. the trader always got caught, and ateez always made sure to utilize their connections and silence those who they couldn’t trust to keep their mouths shut. 

hongjoong had to go to some expensive lengths just to get the glock 17’s they used now. the quality of the gun proved its worth though, they learned. however, it was rare that they resorted to guns—they didn’t rely on them unless they themselves were in danger or if someone needed to be silenced quickly.

“looks good to me,” hongjoong complimented, turning his head slightly toward wooyoung, “bring out their payment.” 

wooyoung nodded briefly, bringing his hands from behind his back, a large herbal drink-branded bag being showcased. dongwoo raised a brow, peeking over and catching a glimpse of the rolls of cash that filled the bag to the brim.

“thank you for your service,” hongjoong beckoned wooyoung to hand the bag to dongwoo, before he went to step toward his shipment.

“wait, what?”

at dongwoo’s abruptness, san stepped forward, “what do you mean ‘what’? take the deal or leav—” his words died down and he cowered back when hongjoong’s sharp glare met his eyes, immediately silencing him. 

the leader clasped his hands behind his back and made a sharp turn toward the man. “is there something wrong?” his head was tilted and a curious look was on his face, there shouldn’t have been anything wrong with this offer and if there was, there was only a problem on dongwoo’s side. call it being ignorant, but hongjoong didn’t say he never had a problem because he wanted to be cocky and egotistic. it was simply the truth. 

out of every issue he and the others had encountered with a deal, none had gone wrong on their part. it was part of the reason their group was at the top—they were efficient business partners and leaders. something only went wrong when non-mutual expectations weren’t met.

“there’s no ‘we’re looking forward to doing future business with you’?”

a small smirk had taken over hongjoong’s lips, hidden by the hanging of his head. “mr. yoo, we further business with those of the same intentions as us. do you, perhaps, know what those intentions are?”

dongwoo stood dumbfounded; of everything he heard about ateez and their leader, he didn’t think to find out just what their goal was.

“it seems you don’t know, so i’ll tell you. we, ateez, have come this far from one thing and one thing only—loyalty. when i heard your proposition of your first impression leading to cheaper traders, something was a little off,” his eyes squinted and he bought his pointer finger and thumb to barely touch, “you know a little too much, don’t you think?”

dongwoo’s eyes widened slightly but he recovered, however, it was noticeable. “what are you talking about?” 

“someone’s been talking, haven’t they? leaking information about us that they, most certainly, weren’t warranted to give, but you probably don’t know much—you’re not the loose tie that needs to be cut off,” he looked dongwoo dead in the eyes as his own narrowed, “i hope.”

his intimidating stare lasted for a few moments more before a light smile covered his face, eye lightening. “take your payment, we’ll be taking our things and leaving.”

hongjoong gave a nod of his head, him and the rest of ateez splitting up to hook the small weapon-filled-trailer to their own vehicle, dongwoo and his men pulling off once it was unattached. 

“boss, i don’t feel so good about this right now. i think we should hurry and get out of here.” yunho spoke, a hand rubbing at the hairs that stood on the back of his neck. hongjoong didn’t question further, sharing the suspenseful feeling that creeped up his spine, giving a prompt nod.

after 5 minutes were spent attaching the trailer and making sure they were ready to go, seonghwa started the engine and waited for everyone to get in. just as san and mingi were about to get in the van, the screeching of tires sounded nearby.

“get down!” and bullets went flying.

“do you like raisin bran?”

y/n gave a slight nod, folding his hands in front of him. “sure!” yeosang held the box in the air, stopping mid-grab.

“aren’t you a doctor? raisin bran has a lot of sugar…”

y/n shrugged his shoulders, standing to get bowls for the both of them, “i’m a doctor, not a dentist. besides, i’m quite the sugar addict. with the injuries i see and multiple hour surgeries i perform, i need some type of a high—so sugar high it is!”

yeosang laughed, shaking his head and setting the cereal box on the counter before grabbing the milk from the fridge. “quick question doc,” yeosang began and y/n looked at him, setting the bowls and spoons down. “milk first or cereal?”

yeosang held a laugh in when y/n had a visibly offended look on his face, a hand pressing to his chest. “yeosang, please tell me you put cereal fi—”

“shit! y/n where the fuck are you?!” someone had frantically shouted from the front of the house, yeosang and y/n giving each other a worried look before tripping over their own feet to reach the living room.

“oh my—what happened?!”

“fuck,” hongjoong let out a belligerent roar, “get him to the infirmary!”

y/n panicked, grabbing onto the injured man and hoisting him up into his arms, rushing to the infirmary. he looked down at the paled man in his arms, huffing out a breath of air, “don’t worry san, i’ve got you!”

san lies on the medical cot, eyes still and closed and chest rising and falling in a calming pattern. y/n is sitting next to him, checking his vitals every few minutes and making sure his labs are okay. after verifying everything is stable, he sat the clipboard down, closing his own eyes and lying his head in his arms on the cot, dozing off. 

it’d been about 3 hours since san was bought in like this. y/n could’ve laughed at how freaked out he was earlier—san’s injuries weren’t even the worst he’s ever seen or treated, but your emotions and professionalism change when the person lying on your operating table is someone you have a nice relationship with… and when said patient’s fellow gang members are breathing down your neck, reminding you that there’s no other option than survival for him...

“how is he?” hongjoong’s voice startled y/n out of his exhausted haze, the older jumping in his spot.

“he’s fine now. if you’d have been any later, he would have coded… and i can’t do much for coding outside a hospital.”

the leader nodded his head, his chest and shoulders dropping slightly as if he could finally breathe. y/n watched him, watched how hongjoong toed around the cot, staring san’s unconscious form down.

y/n fumbled with his fingers, running over his next words in his head before just blurting them. “is it hard?”

“what do you mean?”

he shrugged his shoulders, looking at the shorter, “being a leader… having to watch over everyone,” he held eye contact with the leader, trying to read his expression, “it must be suffocating when something happens to one of them.”

hongjoong’s tongue swiped over his teeth as he stared the taller down. the air around them was tense—hongjoong knew y/n meant good by his words, but he’s not the type of person to just get emotional with people, especially those who aren’t exactly close to him. the others may see y/n as someone more than a hostage, but to hongjoong, he was just that. a person they were taking advantage of—a person who was only cooperative because his life was on the line.

“we’re going to head back to the shooting scene and see if we can find anything that’ll lead us to dongwoo, son-of-a-bitch. wooyoung and yeosang will stay with you and san… so let them know if you or san needs anything.” y/n cleared his throat, giving a curt nod before standing up and walking toward the cabinets, desperate to escape the awkward and tense aura. 

when he heard the door to the infirmary shut, signaling hongjoong had left, he let out a sigh before starting to occupy himself again. he opened a cabinet, grabbing a roll of gauze—it was time to change san’s dressings.

as he made his way back to the cot, he noticed san was now awake and it caused him to stop in his tracks. “when did you wake up?”

“unfortunately, when it got awkward,” san watched y/n’s face fall, a look of embarrassment overtaking his tired features. he held back a teasing smile, leaning back on his arms, although hissing in pain and sitting back up when the pressure sent a stabbing pain through his side and shoulder. he watched y/n walk toward him and lift his clean shirt to start snipping at the dirtied gauze anchored around his naked shoulder.

a few moments went by of y/n re-bandaging and wrapping san’s wounds before the injured boy’s head tilted to the side. he didn’t know if it was because he was high off pain meds or if it was because he’s been so deprived of seeing an unfamiliar face… but y/n looked really handsome and flattering. even thinking about feeling that way sent a drunk feeling to san’s head, his mind getting lost and going blank in the echoing cavity of his skull. it was no secret to himself that he was rather flexible when it came to his romantic relationships and feelings, but he was still foreign to it.

he decided to push it to the back of his mind, feeling rather rushed and irrational at the moment, “y/n hyung… are you feeling better now?”

the older turned to look at him, an eyebrow raised in confusion, “i should be asking that—you’re the one who got shot in the shoulder and stomach,” he pulled san’s shirt back down, careful not to put pressure on his shoulder. he turned around for a moment before turning back and wrapping san’s arm in a sling.

“thank you,” the younger softly spoke, before continuing, “i just noticed you’re more at ease with all of...this. it’s almost a complete 180 from when we first met.”

the doctor’s hands froze against his own lap, a sigh leaving his mouth and his eyes fluttering in a blink of realization, “i guess so.”

“they’re not here—”

hongjoong sighed through his nose, looking rather composed; and the others thought it wasn’t much of a deal until the leader kicked the seat in front of him, scaring seonghwa, who was in the driver’s seat. “call yeosang.”

“been here for a while, what’s up.” said male spoke through their communicator, sounding calm and unbothered.

“can you please stop doing th—can you find anything about dongwoo’s whereabouts?”

“give me a sec,” the boy registered, the clicking of a keyboard sounding into the communication device.

“alright so while yeosang’s doing what should have been done, please tell me why there wasn’t an extensive amount of research on this client?” hongjoong was pissed. not only did their transaction end in a one-sided gunfight, it ended up with one of their own having more than one bullet wound.

wooyoung swallowed, knowing damn well the question was aimed at him. “hyung, i did do research. i made sure to look up what links he has with other businesses and everything that i could think of. i’ve never failed at doing so-”

“then why did you fail this time?”

it got heavily quiet, seonghwa looking at his boyfriend through the rear-view mirror. no one uttered a breath and looked away from a fidgeting wooyoung.

“aight i’m back.”

hongjoong ignored seonghwa’s prompting  gaze, “what did you find?”

“nothing. they’re good at covering their tracks and maybe that’s why wooyoung couldn't find much. usually, we resort to hacking, but i’ve never seen these sorts of codes before and if you want me to break the wall down it will take longer than what you’d want.”

the leader sighed once more, pinching the bridge of his nose while bouncing his right leg. “No it’s fine, we’ll just hope dongwoo and his crew don’t appear again.”

“but hyung, isn’t that a little reckless-”

“you shouldn’t be one to speak right now.” hongjoong turned to glare at wooyoung, the younger male pursing his lips and nodding. “everyone get in the car, we're going back.”

“...so i’m not going to try and hack this? aw.”

“what’s wrong?” san frowned as wooyoung sulked while sitting next to him on the cot.

“hyung’s mad with me…”

y/n had his back facing them, trying to arrange the mess that was on the counter where all the ointments and supplies were. yunho had came in earlier to apologize for not keeping it organized, his exact words being “i just clean up their wounds as best as i can, and i’m not really in here unless it’s an emergency.”

san lingered a glance at y/n as if the older would do the same. “is it because of dongwoo?”

the younger nodded with a pout, leaning on san’s side. “mhm, and he hasn’t talked to me since.”

“well you know joong-hyung, he’s…” san thought for a few seconds, and when he couldn't find the words, he bit the inside of his cheek. “ he’ll get over it, just give it time. or talk to seonghwa-hyung, he’ll know what to do, he always does.”

wooyoung whined, “i already did! and he said ‘i can’t do anything’ with that pained smile of his!”

san blinked, “what? you’re lying, hwa-hyung would never fail us-”

“no no, i was there. he talked to hongjoong-hyung before wooyoung came up to him...or at least tried. joong-hyung isn’t talking to anyone right now. that’s why hwa-hyung told you he can’t do anything.”

“yeo, i swear you’re the nosiest person ever. like, please, i’m not sure if that’s good or bad sometimes.” san grimaced after processing yeosang’s comment through the earpiece.

“as far as i know it’s done us more good than bad. plus, it’s my job to be nosy, remember? we all get paid for things, and i get paid for sticking my nose up yall’s business.”

“wait you do that 24/7?” wooyoung frowned.

“uh, no. sometimes i don’t even intend to do it, ya’ll loud as fuck so sometimes i don’t even need the communicators. and i only comment on things that mean something. and before you ask this did not mean anything, i just wanted to join in the conversation.”

san snorted, “then why didn’t you just walk in here?”

“cus i’m busy right now.”

“doing what?” wooyoung grabbed san’s hand and played with his friend’s fingers.

“doing what i was not authorized to do—hack that wall.”

“won’t you get in trouble?”

“maybe,” the sound of him smacking his lips sounded, “but at least i won’t be given the silent treatment.”

wooyoung sat up. “yah! yeosang i will come down there and kick you!” when he heard no response he jumped off the cot and walked out the room, “yeosang i warned you!”

while hearing his best friend yell down the hall, san laughed. his attention returned to y/n who had his head tilted and a confused look on his face. “what’s wrong, hyung?”

“how...were you two talking to yeosang?” 

san hummed, smiling while tapping the clear earpiece in his ear. “we have them on unless we’re showering and sleeping or something. but when we’re on duty we have them on, speaking of that, i’ll tell jongho to get you one-”

y/n shook his hands in front of him as san was about to move, “you shouldn’t move too much, you might reopen a wound. i’ll call him…” y/n’s voice died down when he realized what he was volunteering to do.

at the sudden look of horror on y/n’s face, san laughed. 

“don’t worry, jongho’s just a buff teddy bear unless in danger. but for now, i’ll call him over.” san raised his hand to his earpiece, making y/n question why he couldn’t do that before. “jongho, can you bring an earpiece for y/n?”

san nodded when the younger agreed, saying he’ll be there shortly. he lowered his hand and rested it on his lap. “have you gotten along with anyone here yet?” he tried to spark conversation with the doctor, highly interested in him and feeling the need to know more about him.

“aside from yeosang, seonghwa and you, uh, not really. maybe yunho? i mean, he’s never showed any sign of hatred towards me so i guess we get along decent too...but i haven’t really had a chance to meet the others.”

the younger nodded, “well we may look tough and all, but i promise we’re all chill. hongjoong-hyung is only tough and straightforward when he’s on the lookout. just give him some time and you’ll see how nice and caring he is.”

y/n hummed, “i guess..”

“i have arrived with the product~” jongho smiled while walking inside the room, a box in hand. “once you put it on it will send yeosang a message and he’ll grant access to it.”

san watched jongho gesture y/n to grab it, but he took it before the doctor did. “here, i’ll put it in for you.”

jongho did his best to not snort or laugh, leaning against the wall instead. he watched san help y/n with setting up the earpiece, amused at how san seemed interested in the doctor.

“ok done, yeosang should grant access soon.” san smiled at y/n, the doctor returning it with his own.

a few minutes of quiet tension passed and jongho felt the need to do something; he pressed the button on the side of his earpiece. “yeosang-hyung, are you not going to-”

“give me a second, i just kicked wooyoung out. if he goes up there with a black eye don’t question it, he’ll say what happened without you asking.”

“you didn’t actually give him a black eye did you-”

“if he did then that can easily be taken care of…” y/n commented while watching jongho roll his eyes.

“yeah i did-”

“no he didn’t.” wooyoung butted in, it sounded like he was munching on something. “it was the other way around-”

san chuckled, shaking his head at his friend's bickering. he realized y/n’s earpiece was successfully connected when he saw the older grin. 

“i bet they both have a black eye.” y/n nodded to himself.

jongho rose a brow, a grin prominent on his features. “and how much are we betting?”

y/n hummed, “thirty bucks.”

“i wanna bet too~,” san grinned, “let’s check it out then. can i move now?”

“hmm...i’d say no but you probably wouldn’t really listen to me so... as long as you don’t make sharp movements.” 

san cheered, extending his free arm to get help in getting off the cot. “let’s go then!”

“hello?” 

“mrs. l/n! how are you? it’s heeseung...lim heeseung.”

the woman on the other end of the phone gasped in what sounded like happiness, “heeseung! It’s been a while since i last heard of you, is something wrong?”

the nurse leaned back into his couch, “well i called to ask if you've seen y/n…”

“i see...well we haven’t heard of him for quite some time now. we thought it was because of work you know? but you two are close aren’t you, i assumed you would know about his whereabouts”

heeseung sighs softly, “well we were close before we broke up...i called because he hasn’t appeared at work for almost two weeks now. everyone knows y/n is a workaholic so it’s rare for him to miss days. and i wanted to ask if i can go to the police and file a report.”

“have you checked his apartment? you do know where he lives right?”

“i do...”

“well if he isn’t there then yes, go to the police station. please let us know if you find anything!”

“of course, thank you.” heeseung smiled painfully to himself, bidding farewell to y/n’s mother before hanging up. soon after he turned off his phone and sighed, he really hopes y/n is at his apartment and only took a vacation.

y/n couldn’t help but bust out laughing when the three of them walked inside the kitchen. wooyoung did indeed have a black eye and so did yeosang. 

"darn it." jongho huffed as y/n ended up winning the bet.

seonghwa stood there confused, spatula in hand as he's setting out their plates for dinner.  "and what's this about?" 

san grinned, "we made a bet to see if yeosang and wooyoung gave each other a black eye or not. and luckily y/n ended up winning." 

"would that be called a doctors intuition?" yeosang rose a brow while glaring at the plates seonghwa handed him. 

"good question." y/n chuckled while walking up to the second oldest. "need help?" 

"oh, yeah, thanks." seonghwa smiled while gesturing to the drinks. "set them on the table, everyone will serve their own drinks."

"got it. oh, and after dinner, i'll need you two to come with me so we can take care of those shiners." 

“yeah yeah...”

[igotbulletproof-insomnia]

Adopting Bangtan 03

01, 02

Jeon Jungkook, age 3

At five o’clock in the morning, there are very few things you expect to happen during your five-minute wait for the coffee maker to heat and brew your coffee. None of them is the doorbell ringing.

Actually, you have all of zero expectations at five o’clock in the morning except to drink you coffee and maybe get mad that you didn’t put in enough sugar because you hate the taste of bitter and death and --

Right. It’s five in the morning and your doorbell has rung twice now. You’re wondering, if you continue to ignore it, will the person at the door wander off and bug someone else? It’s unusual enough that someone is ringing the bell in the first place, the least they could have done was ring it at a decent hour. Or waited ten minutes for you to get your coffee and become a human again.

Oh. Doorbell’s rung three times now. At least, the coffee maker has started trickling and the lovely, blessed aroma of caffeine and life is reanimating you into something less of a zombie. Now you’re wondering who in the ever-loving hell decided five in the morning is a good time to visit. On the way to the door, you made sure to zip the sweater you pulled on over your pajamas up to the neck and consider if it’s gotten cold enough to start turning the heat on yet. You peek out of the window, but don’t see anything. Just in case your vantage isn’t wide enough, you open the front door --

-- and find a baby.

Well. Baby might be a slight exaggeration. It’s a slight child, bundled in a coat and two quilts. It was a toddler, no older than two or three, with short hair that told you it was a boy, and he was laid out, asleep across your doorstep. You blinked down at the child, then glanced around. There isn’t anyone in your immediate sight, so you carefully step over the sleeping child to check further up the street than standing in your front door will allow. Still, you saw no one, and you were left with a strange child you knew on your doorstep. You frown down at him, annoyed. It isn’t the child’s fault, you know this, but it still feels like part of your day just got ruined.

You aren’t keeping this one. He’s too small and he’ll be too needy and you just you can’t do it. Namjoon and Yoongi are enough, and they practically take care of themselves. With them, all you have to do is just make sure they’re safe and happy, they handle the rest. However, a toddler on the other hand will need constant supervision and constant stimulation and you’ll have to baby-proof the house, which sounds like a whole nightmare. This child, this baby was only coming inside long enough for you to drink your coffee, eat your toast, and put on proper pants before you report his abandonment to the police.

“Are you adopting another kid?” Yoongi asks quietly. You jump, you could swear the kid moved like a ninja. You’ve put a bell on him more than once and it doesn’t even ring.

“We have a new brother?!” Namjoon shouts from across the apartment. He runs from the bedroom, practically jumping on to the sofa where you placed the sleeping kid while you ate. “Hey, little guy! I’m Namjoonie-hyung. What’s your name?”

“The kid’s asleep,” you tell him. “Speaking of which, why aren’t you?” They won’t need to get dressed for school for another two hours. That should have been plenty of time for you to put clothes on and run the toddler to the closest precinct and return with your boys’ breakfast.

“No, he’s awake,” says Namjoon.

“We heard the doorbell,” answers Yoongi at the same time.

“Hey, don’t be scared, my name’s Namjoon,” your first kid is grinning at the child with his dimples and the gentle voice he reserves for the animals at the park and it’s breaking your heart because you aren’t keeping the baby.

“Was he why the doorbell was ringing?” Yoongi asked quietly. He was pulling two mugs from the cabinet with a sort of nonchalance that you almost let him get away with.

“My name is Jungkook,” a tiny voice replies to Namjoon. He speaks with a small lisp, like a lot of small children, and with a hint of sadness. You try not to let that bother you. The small one is not your responsibility.

“Yep,” you answer Yoongi. You take the cup of coffee he offers you and put the second, still empty mugh back into the cabinet. Yoongi pouts, but doesn’t argue any further; this is a reoccurring battle in the morning, one you will reluctantly admit to losing at least once a week. You enjoy the smell of the hot beverage, as you listen to Namjoon chatter away at the kid on your couch. You can hear how attached he’s already become. It’s going to break your heart when you tell him that no, he is not getting a little brother.

“Do you want me to distract him while you take the little one away?” Yoongi’s voice is just above a whisper. The look on his face is disturbingly stoic for an eight-year-old, but over the last few months you’ve learned a few of his tells. He isn’t happy. Upon further scrutiny, you realize that he also wants to keep the kid.

“You’re upset with me,” you say instead.

“It’s the smarter choice,” he shrugs at you, but once you figured out that he wants you to keep the kid, it was easy to tell why. He knows you have the ability, the resources to take care of another child. It bothers him that you’re rejecting the kid -- Jungkook -- simply because you have the choice. If you don’t want Jungkook, can you decide that you don’t want Yoongi either? What if you eventually reject Namjoon too?

You take a few sips of coffee, eyes turned heavenwards. These kids are going to kill you. They really will. They’re already blatantly and successfully manipulating you and they aren’t even ten-years-old yet.

“Toddlers are a lot of work, Yoongi,” you say. “I have the money to take care of all three of you, but I don’t have the time.”

“Joonie and I can take care of him then,” he shrugs. He’s filling the kettle with water and taking down two more mugs, one for himself and one for Namjoon. You begin to fill two filters with tea leaves. Yoongi scowls again, but doesn’t outright object, so you take that as your one win for the day. Because clearly, you aren’t winning anything else today.

“It’s not that easy,” you grab your coffee mug again. It’s so warm and the house is so cold and you are so not ready for this discussion. Or anything, really.

“Why not?” “You and Namjoon, have school, Yoongi. And I have to work. He can’t stay home by himself. What am I supposed to do with a toddler?”

“You say that like you can’t hire a babysitter,” Yoongi rolls his eyes “Or find a daycare.” You stop sniffing at your coffee, stop enjoying the feel and smell of life, intelligence, patience, joy and stare at your kid. He stares back at you, but the nibbling of his lip tells you that he’s acknowledging what he’s said and exactly why a daycare will not be anything you ever consider. You don’t trust strangers with your children, and it’s for that exact reason why a babysitter will be hard to come across too. Yoongi sighs, and you know that’s all the verbal acknowledgement you’ll receive.

“This is our caretaker,” Namjoon is carrying the toddler into the kitchen now. Jungkook is free of his coat, blankets, and shoes, and Namjoon sits him at the kitchen table. Another mug comes out of the kitchen cabinet, this one immediately filled with milk and placed in front of the kid. He’s as small as you thought he would be, wearing jeans and a sweater that seem to swallow him whole. His eyes are as big as his whole face and they dart around, taking in the new room. Namjoon tells the kid your name and introduces Yoongi as his older brother and the whole thing is just so heart-warming and sweet that you literally can’t anymore. You down the rest of your coffee and pour a second. It’s unusual for you, to drink a second cup of coffee this soon, but you’re going to need all of the brain power you can get to figure out how exactly to make this work.

“You know what? I don’t want toast anymore. You boys want to go to the Ahjumma’s restaurant this morning or to our favorite Ahjussi’s?”

“Oh! Can you bring us bread from that one store?” asks Namjoon. He’s practically bouncing in his chair, and the enthusiasm is apparently contagious.

“With fruit salad?” Yoongi requests. He managed to sneak in a cup of coffee in the end, pouring it while you were watching Namjoon with Jungkook, distracted with your thoughts.

“We were supposed to be going out together, but hey, save me a few won, I guess.”

“I think Areum-noona might be looking for another job,” Yoongi mentions as you pass.

Your only response is to blow him a raspberry.

04, 05, 06, 07

[sitp-recs]

Hi! I've recently started reading Drarry on ao3 and I wanted to ask you for recommendations of good and cute fics (with a happy ending please) that are long (maybe more than 50k) sorry for all the requests. Hope you have an amazing day!

Welcome anon! I’m so happy you’re enjoying the fandom ❤️ to be honest I don’t read much fluff in general, especially when it comes to long fics, but I think you might like these. I consider them ultimate feel-good stories and despite the occasional bit of angst, they all have wholesome happy endings. Enjoy!!!

Another Heart Whispers Back by @slytherco (2020, E, 53k)

At twenty-five, Harry Potter is still a virgin and sorely lacking in options to change that state anytime soon. To help him find a plus one for Ron and Hermione’s wedding, and maybe kill two birds with one stone, Harry’s friends set him up on a series of blind dates. The only problem is, there’s something not quite right with each of their candidates. In which Harry learns that some things are worth waiting for, that looking and seeing are two very different things, and that his heart’s song has been heard a long time ago.

Stately Homes of Wiltshire by waspabi (2016, E, 57k)

Malfoy Manor has mould, dry rot and an infestation of unusually historical poltergeists. Harry Potter is on the case.

Modern Love by @tackytigerfic (2020, E, 61k)

Harry Potter, of all people, knows that life isn’t always fair. And no one gets to be happy all of the time. But surely there’s something more—something better—than a rubbish Ministry job, and a lonely old house, and that feeling that everyone out there is doing a better job of living than Harry is. And it really doesn’t seem fair that Draco Malfoy is back in Harry’s life, all of a sudden, and even though he’s wandless, and living with Muggles, and making his mother cry with his lifestyle choices, he’s happy. So what's he doing right, that Harry isn’t?

The Promise of Summer by Omi_Ohmy (2019, M, 66k)

How was Harry supposed to know that coming back for eighth year would be so confusing? Everything is the same, and yet not the same. And nowhere is this more obvious than with Draco Malfoy. Harry finds himself once more watching and following Malfoy, trying to work him out. When they are drawn together to heal the castle, Harry doesn’t just find Malfoy - he also finds himself.

Headlights in the Snow by Saras_Girl (2016, M, 71k)

What’s big and purple and smells like tea? Harry is about to find out.

Right Hand Red by @lqtraintracks (2015, E, 73k)

Harry felt Malfoy's breath on his lips as they came together over the bottle, hands firmly planted on the floor as though they each needed their familiar soil, refusing to cross into enemy territory. Except that Malfoy no longer felt like his enemy. Malfoy felt inevitable.

Criminal by @the-sinking-ship (2020, E, 83k)

Things were going just fine for Draco Malfoy. He successfully conned and counted cards across Europe and America, amassing a small fortune, along with a lengthy rap sheet. That was until he made the grave mistake of returning to England for a high stakes card game and got himself caught – by Harry Potter no less. Now, Draco is stuck in England under Auror Potter’s guard with no friends, no distractions, and no escape. How the hell will he pass the time? And since when did Potter get so bloody fit?

Hermione Granger's Hogwarts Crammer for Delinquents on the Run by waspabi (2016, T, 93k)

‘You're a wizard, Harry' is easier to hear from a half-giant when you're eleven, rather than from some kids on a tube platform when you're seventeen and late for work.

Little Deaths and How to Avoid Them (or Draco Malfoy's Guide to Stop Dying and Start Living Instead) by nerakrose and dustmouth (2018, M, 96k)

Malfoy is way too interested in coroner reports for somebody who's definitely not looking for ways to die, Harry wants to be friends with him, and Ginny wants to break up with Harry. Features: Little League Quidditch, an abundance of bath bombs, happy endings, and gay robots in space.

Soup-pocalypse and The Great Curry Cataclysm by SquadOfCats (2018, E, 104k)

Eleven years after the war, Draco Malfoy leads a quiet, boring, and perfectly respectable life, thanks very much. Or, at least he does, until a sudden and very unexpected veela awakening causes him to throw soup all over Harry Potter in the middle of the Ministry cafeteria.

Written on the Heart by who_la_hoop (2016, E, 113k)

When he’s hit by an illegal love-spell though, Harry finds he has more to worry about than whether or not Blaise Zabini actually wants to be his friend. For if everyone affected has been blessed – or cursed, by the look on Malfoy’s face – with a magical tattoo revealing the name of their soulmate, what does it mean that Harry’s skin remains completely bare?

What We Pretend We Can't See by gyzym (2017, M, 131k)

Seven years out from the war, Harry learns the hard truth of old history: it’s never quite as far behind you as you thought.

[detroit-smash-my-ass]

Yandere Alphabet - All For One

Masterlist

Yes, technically this isn’t NSFW per se, but it gets into topics racy enough that I’m posting it here. And c’mon, who doesn’t enjoy delving into the twisted maze that is AFO? He’s neck-and-neck with All Might as the scariest yandere in this series anyway, but that’s another can of worms.

Affection: How do they show their love and affection? How intense would it get?

He’s very generous with the affection, but only if you’ve kept in his good graces. He’s not picky about doling out punishments if you act out. He keeps it fairly innocent unless the mood strikes, and even then he doesn’t care who’s in the room when he decides to seduce you.

Blood: How messy are they willing to get when it comes to their darling?

He’s the single most dangerous villain in the history of Quirks and has no hesitation to take what he wants when he wants. I feel like that should answer itself fairly well.

Cruelty: How would they treat their darling once abducted? Would they mock them?

He’s gentle with you, but firm. His first priority is to make you dependent on him, and comforting you even as you demand answers. Depending on how violent/aggressive you get, however, he’s not above leaving you alone by yourself in a locked room for a while to stamp out that temper. As soon as you start acting nice, he treats you kindly again.

Darling: Aside from abduction, would they do anything against their darling’s will?

Not in the classic physical sense. He’s manipulative, yes, but he’s not going to force you into anything -- at least, not yet. He wants your will to bend and break before he truly starts doing things with you that you might otherwise say no to. Patience is key - and lucky for him,  he’s got a lot.

Exposed: How much of their heart do they bare to their darling? How vulnerable are they when it comes to their darling?

He tells you very little about himself other than the basics you already know: all-powerful villain who can take and give any Quirk he gets his hands on. He might liken you to his little brother once or twice, and perhaps if in a good enough mood he’ll tell you stories of when they were both young, but otherwise he’s a mystery to you.

Fight: How would they feel if their darling fought back?

Amused. There’s literally nothing you can do to him that hurts, and for a while he’s content to let you think you’re gaining back control, only to crush that determination at the most heated moment. If you continue to act out, however, he will start to lose his patience and will treat you harsher and harsher, outright abandoning you in a locked room with food and water delivered once a day until he feels you’ve learnt your lesson.

Game: Is this a game to them? How much would they enjoy watching their darling try to escape?

It doesn’t matter if it is or isn’t; chances are, he’s already won. He does enjoy watching you go about, thinking you’re being sneaky when he’s already figured out your entire plan to escape. At the very last moment when you think you’re going to get out, he enjoys seeing the hope fade from your face as you realize you’ve failed. It gives him a lot of pleasure breaking you.

Hell: What would be their darling’s worst experience with them?

Being locked in a cell, alone, with nobody to talk to until he arrives to bring you food. He only wants to isolate you like that when you’re being stubborn; otherwise, you’re locked in your shared bedroom.

Ideals: What kind of future do they have in mind for/with their darling?

First and foremost, he wants to rule his new empire with you at his side as his loving spouse. Your Quirk is deemed helpful enough that, should you be able to, he would like a few children sired with you to see what kind of Quirks they would get (or not, in which case he’d be delighted to share one of his with them and train them to use it).

Jealousy: Do they get jealous? Do they lash out or find a way to cope?

He’s not exactly jealous, but rather paranoid. His way of coping with that is to keep you locked away. You’re his, not anyone else’s, and he wants you to accept that.

Kisses: How do they act around or with their darling?

He’s very affectionate. Loves holding you in his lap as he caresses your hair, maybe a kiss or two on your forehead. He’s very charming, too; likes to joke around with you and is quite playful when you’re in his good graces.

Love letters: How would they go about courting or approaching their darling?

He met you while you were briefly in Kamino Ward and afterwards desired to have you for himself. He found out where you lived and worked and started sending anonymous gifts (along with a cell number) in the guise of a ‘secret admirer’ until you agreed to meet him over text. When you did meet, you were a bit intimidated by his size, but after a few successful dates you were already falling head over heels.

Mask: Are their true colors drastically different from the way they act around everyone else?

Absolutely. Most of the time, he acts charming and enigmatic, but when you piss him off, everyone knows it. The sheer weight of his aura is enough to even make All Might shake in his boots, and for good reason. He prefers not to let his charismatic mask slip, though. It’s much easier to manipulate others when they believe you to be weaker than you are and think they have the upper hand at all times.

Naughty: How would they punish their darling?

Depends on what you did. If he thinks you’re just being bratty, he may spank you, chiding you the whole time. If you piss him off? Total isolation. 24/7, 365-366 days a year. At least, until he believes you’ve learnt a lesson. You’re locked in a cell with only a cot, toilet, and shower, and he himself delivers food to you once a day as your only form of human communication. Cameras are trained on you at all hours that only he can access. He doesn’t fuck around.

Oppression: How many rights would they take away from their darling?

At first, he’s quite generous. He allows monitored correspondence between you and your family. He allows you to go places only with either him or Kurogiri present at all times. He allows you near sharp objects only with supervision (like when you cook dinner together). But if you piss him off, he takes everything away, including privacy. Get sick? Need an exam? He gets Garaki to check you out, and he watches the whole time.

Patience: How patient are they with their darling?

He can be exceedingly patient. His thinking is that you’re just a petulant child who needs to learn their place, and if he has to dole out a few punishments along the way he will. He just wants you to realize that he won’t let anything happen to you and that he just wants the best for you (that issue is subjective).

Quit: If their darling dies, leaves, or successfully escapes, would they ever be able to move on?

You know how he (presumably) reacted to his beloved little brother dying? That. Again. And this time, he would be less lenient on those he deemed responsible. He rules with an iron grip.

Regret: Would they ever feel guilty about abducting their darling? Would they ever let their darling go?

Doesn’t feel guilty at all, and absolutely won’t let you go. It’s partially his Quirk to blame; when he sees something (or someone) he desires, he just has to have it/them. He considers you to be totally his, and he won’t stand for anything else taking you away.

Stigma: What brought about this side of them (childhood, curiosity, etc)?

As stated above, it’s partially his Quirk, partially due to being born in a turbulent time of history. Quirks were still becoming more common at the time, and he was already protective of his brother due to his perceived Quirklessness and because he was using his Quirk for good. He made too many enemies that wanted to hurt those close to him, and due to his paranoia (as well as his possessive nature), force of habit dictates that he isolate those he deems his.

Tears: How do they feel about seeing their darling scream, cry, and/or isolate themselves?

Condescending pity. He dealt with that kind of behavior once, with his younger brother, and it nearly broke him then trying to get him to see how much he loved him. Now he’s older and more patient, and all he can do is try and comfort you by petting your hair and telling you that it has to be this way, he just wants the best for you, why can’t you just understand?

Unique: Would they do anything different from the classic yandere?

When he does lose it, he doesn’t ‘go mad’ in the classic sense -- rather, his resolve hardens and he retains his temper. His is more of a tranquil fury - it’s not immediately obvious unless he chooses to show you. He wouldn’t physically hurt you either -- well, not enough to wound you. He would consider spanking, but he wouldn’t break your legs.

Vice: What weakness can their darling exploit in order to escape?

Oh, honey. You really think he won’t see what you’re doing and shut it down when you think you’ve gotten free? He’s All For One. There’s not a weakness he hasn’t already thought through.

Wit’s end: Would they ever hurt their darling?

Aside from light things like spanks, no. Mentally, though? He’s a manipulative, gaslighting monster. He will not hesitate to turn you against everyone you’ve ever loved if it meant you were more dependent on him alone.

Xoanon: How much would they revere or worship their darling? To what length would they go to win their darling over?

He goes the traditional gentleman route: wooing you slowly enough that you don’t realize what’s happening until it’s too late. He reveres your body in all of its beauty when you get intimate, but he rather wants you to worship him devotedly.

Yearn: How long do they pine after their darling before they snap?

If anything were to make him snap, it would be you (against all odds) escaping his grip. Maybe one of his underlings somehow slipped you out under his nose. Maybe another decided to just dump you somewhere. Either way, he’s going full lockdown mode and will not stop until he finds you. And believe me, he will find you.

Zenith: Would they ever break their darling?

That’s probably the first thing he does if you’re stubborn/defiant enough. If you prove to be totally into it and are willing to be totally dependent on him, congrats! You get to escape with your will mostly unharmed!

[afoolnottoloveu]

maybe i’m imagining things ♡

Summary: You don’t really feel like you belong at the BAU just yet (WC: 2.1k) {Masterlist <3}

Pairing: Spencer Reid x gender neutral!Reader

TW: smoking, mentions of death, swearing, mentions of alcohol

A/N: i dont smoke so theres highkey gonna b smth wrong with the description,,, but it just felt right okay, also it was a song reference as well >:(( also, this is for lucy’s fic contest! congrats on 3000 sweetheart <3

Song Pairing: Why Am I Like This? - Orla Gartland

--

You could remember the feeling, how it started that night at the bar. Despite the conversations of your new team swirling around you, you felt like a stranger. You didn’t think much of it at first, you just thought you were imagining things. You’ll grow into it, you told yourself. 

After exactly a year at the BAU, you still couldn’t decisively say you were part of the family. As cases came and went, you felt the same. An outsider. A guest living with a family. You couldn’t blame them, really. As you should, right? They weren’t like this with any of the other newbies; it was you who intruded.

The last case felt no different. It was a family annihilator, and all you could think about were the victims. Unbeknownst to the team, except Aaron, you knew almost exactly what the family of the victims were going through. Your feelings were taking a toll on you, and everything from the jet ride to heading back to the office was a complete daze. Your mind was somewhere far off in the distance, only snapped back by the soft touch of JJ placing her hand on your shoulder before you could walk through the glass doors.

“Are you coming tonight?” She asked as if you already knew of what was happening tonight.

“Uh, w-what’s tonight?”

“We’re going to-”

“O’keefe’s!” Penelope squealed, running out of her batcave with the clicks of heels following.

“Oh, um-” you hesitated, but you remembered how badly you wanted to be a part of their family, and a drink didn’t sound too bad at the moment, “yeah! Yeah, I’ll just meet you guys there alright? M’gonna just grab some stuff.”

“We’ll see you down there!” Penelope bubbled, before sweeping everyone else into the elevator. You gave a small smile and wave, catching Spencer’s gaze  just as the doors shut. Maybe you had learned to hide it well after all these years, but for profilers, they really had no idea what was going on inside your head.

You couldn’t help but glance up at Aaron’s office through the glass doors. Everyday you debated if the BAU was really for you, every day for a year, now. Not knowing if this was a mistake or not, you slipped through the bullpen and made a beeline for his office. Relatively quickly, you found the papers you were looking for after a quick search through his cabinets. You didn’t want to have the conversation with Aaron, but he was the only person on this floor with them. You shoved them in your purse, just in case. In case of what? You didn’t know either.

- 

You tried to enjoy yourself, you really did, but your head was just filled to the brim with thoughts you couldn’t bear. The fuzzy, stuffy feeling of the bar would usually help you blend right in, but right now it made you sick. You excused yourself from the table, not like you were part of any of the conversations that were happening anyways, and stepped out.

Through your work blouse and slacks, the October wind nipped at your skin. You opened your purse and pulled out a pack of cigarettes. Your habit started young, smoking being one of the only things that could effectively calm you. Your dad was a smoker, but he really tried his best to stop. He wouldn’t be proud of you for following in his footsteps, but so be it.

Placing the cigarette between your lips and lifting your lighter to the end, you failed to notice someone approaching from behind you.

“6 minutes.” 

Startled, you fumbled and dropped your cigarette from your lips and it hit the concrete, causing you to loudly mutter a curse. You whipped around to cuss out whoever made you drop it, but you’re met with the same eyes you saw before the elevator closed.

“Jesus Christ, Spencer. I just lit that!” His expression doesn’t change, so you rummage through your purse pulling out the box of cigarettes once again. “And I know what that means, 6 minutes off my life for every cigarette I light.” Faced towards the street, you tried to light it, but failed. As the wind kept blowing out the tiny flame, you kept trying. “To be frank, 6 minutes isn’t a whole lot of time in the grand scheme of things. It’s like, one less shower. I could live with that I think.”

Still not hearing a reaction from him, you turn his way, naturally. He seems to be finding your purse very interesting, and for a moment you think, is pretty boy gonna rob me?, but you finally realize he can see the bold print title and FBI logo on the papers that you grabbed sticking out from your purse.

“Why?” is all he asked, his voice dripping in devastation. You look up to meet his eyes and there’s a gloss over them that you know too well. “Why would you wanna transfer? The BAU is-”

“-the crown jewel of the FBI. I’ve heard it.” You take the cigarette out of your mouth to reply. Unable to meet his eyes anymore,  you fixed your eyes on the street once again, but you minded your voice, careful to not let it crack nor reveal too much, “I can’t explain it, Spencer.”

“I think you can, but you don’t want to.” The hurt in his voice was still evident and you had to wonder, why was it there in the first place? He doesn’t really care, his family’s inside the bar.

You brought the joint back to your lips and tried to light it one last time, and you successfully did so, inhaling the smoke and letting it encase your lungs like a blanket. “It’s just-” A long pause lingers in the air before you come to your senses, removing the cigarette from your lips. Blowing out a cloud, the wind carried the gray smoke down the sidewalk, with your eyes trailing. “You know what? No, nevermind. It’s nothing, Spence. I might not even transfer.”

“You wouldn’t grab the papers unless you were seriously considering it, Y/N,” he huffed, intent on finding out the real reason, “Come on, you were gonna have to tell us at some point. Why not start small? Why are you leaving us?” You were getting frustrated from the simple fact that he was right, and suddenly you were very sick of the cigarette you were holding. 

“Fine Spencer, if you wanna know so goddamn bad then I’ll just tell you! I just- the BAU isn’t for me! And it’s not the job, it’s- it’s you! It’s all of you! I can’t be in the same room with all of you for anything other than a debriefing without feeling like I don’t fucking belong! You guys are a family, and I still feel like it’s my day one. If you guys can do this job so well without me, then why shouldn’t- why should I even be here?” You didn’t know when the tear slipped, but they just kept coming, and you were over this cigarette, throwing it to the ground and stomping on it a little too hard.

There was a silence. A cold, heavy silence, filled with nothing more than the gentle breeze, a couple cars passing in the distance and leaves falling. You suppressed your sobs as much as you could and wiped your face repeatedly. 

Oh god, you thought, did I really just say that? Fuck, fuck, shit, why am I like this-

“If I asked you to stay,” His voice was soft- you knew your response wasn’t the one he was expecting. All you could do was glance at him, not knowing where he was going with this. “Would you?”

“What’re you talking about?” The words were a whisper, you wouldn’t be surprised if he thought it was just the wind. You genuinely didn’t understand what he meant, but in your head, you had already answered his question.

“Y/N, I--I just wanna talk, okay? Can you listen? Is that alright?” His voice was comforting, and with the way you were feeling, it was music to your ears. It reminded you of the way he spoke to children, but you were just too damn exhausted to call him out on it; so you nodded, but you kept your eyes on the street in front of you, watching a taxi pass by.

“You know, when I first asked you ‘why?’ a few minutes ago, when I was saying that the BAU was the crown jewel of the FBI? Well, that wasn’t what I was going to say at all. I was gonna say that the BAU is where you belong, Y/N. We don’t only want you to stay, we need you to stay. You were the one who talked down that unsub today. You can defend yourself better than almost any of us. You treat us like family, with the coffee every Wednesday and checking on all of us regularly. We notice these things, Y/N. Do you? Because it’s almost like it’s second nature to you.”

You had to take several deep breaths before you could gather yourself enough to respond; you closed your eyes as you spoke. “Do you know why I so badly want to be so close to all of you? My- my parents were both killed by- by a sociopath. I was 15. I started smoking then. My aunt took me in and I lived with my cousins. They were closer to each other than to me, though. I- I don’t know, I had a family, I guess. I mean, my aunt and her two daughters were my family, but- I don’t know, I’m not making sense.”

“I’m sorry, Y/N. I didn’t know that at all, I thought they were your sisters. I get it. Well, I don’t, but I know what you’re trying to say. You didn’t have one as a teenager, but you have one now. Everyone inside of that bar thinks of you as their family. I know you don’t see it, but I can assure you that they do.”

You forgot your eyes were closed. They opened to the touch of Spencer’s hand on your arm, and there he was, standing in front of you. You wanted to cry more, but the sight of Spencer in front of you made you smile and your heart swell. You knew every word that left his mouth was genuine, full of love and understanding. You rushed forward and hugged him, burying your face in his chest. He wrapped his arms around you and cradled your head. It was almost funny, you were sure this was the most you had touched the germaphobe like, ever.

Into his sweater you sniffled and mumbled, “What about you Spencer?”

He pulled away from the hug, both of you still clinging to the other, but enough to have to look in each other’s eyes. He tilted his head as if he were asking what you meant.

“Do you- are we family?”

His only response was an airy chuckle and a swift, soft peck to your forehead. Huh, that’s new. You weren’t saying you didn’t like it though, no, not at all. He pulled you back into the hug and said into your hair “We don’t have to talk about that right now. But honestly? I think of you as something else, Y/N/N.”

And that was okay. The warmth of his breath on your hair and his sweater wrapping you neatly like a gift, it was more than okay.

-

Spencer led you back into the bar after you had fixed your makeup. Luckily, the wind actually helped to dry your tears pretty quickly. The team was gathered around the table, blocking something from your sight. As the two of you approached, you heard Penelope say “Oh, oh oh! They’re here! Y/N’s here!”

The rest of the team turns to you and in front of you, JJ is holding out a red velvet cupcake with a candle in it. “Happy one year!” The team cheered as a chorus. Your eyes widened and your face lit up. Your shock rendered you almost speechless.

“How’d you remember? Oh my gosh, you guys!” you smiled. With everyone egging you on, you blew the candle out, causing an array of cheers and claps.

“Honestly, some of us didn’t. But you know who did remember?” Morgan commented with a wink. You turned to see Spencer scratching his neck, smiling down at you, the look making your heart swell just a lil’ bit more. 

You grabbed his arm and pulled him over with you to the table, the team clearing a spot for the two of you. Conveniently, shots for everyone had already been poured out, readily awaiting your consumption. You grabbed the shot glass and raised it towards the middle of the table.

“To family,” you beamed. Maybe I was just imagining things.

--

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