#still waiting for those letters HEIDI!

[j-graysonlibrary]

The Xiang Chronicles: Book Three Chapter 27

Title: The Xiang Chronicles: Book Three

Author: Jay Grayson

Word Count: 107k

Genres: Fantasy, adventure, drama, LGBT+

Available on: my website

Synopsis: Only one Xiang remains and her name is Merra. She hopes to unite the land by force and plow down anyone in her way—especially the people of Agni who she deems faithless and the native people of Terra who refuse to cooperate with her.

Raine continues to serve his Lord but he has taken to alcoholism to soothe his grief—a fact he keeps out of his letters with Heidi. Baiya has returned to mercenary work in order to keep his family safe while Kira is on the warpath. He, fully, takes on the title of Chaaya and means to defeat the Xiang he sees as false.

And, in a guarded castle in Enlil, a stir-crazy Princess dabbles in the dark arts, setting in motion something even Tiandi cannot see.

Full chapter 27 under the cut

Chapter XXVII:

Black coated Kira’s fingers and further down, fading into the palms but still spotting along the backs of his hands and around his wrists and forearms. The texture of his skin still felt the same but the look of it definitely appeared diseased.

It would continue to worsen, the more he absorbed miasma. He knew that already from his time on the other side but he had thought his use of abilities now would lessen the damage. Or, at least, that he would break even and stay looking about the same.

He guessed that, even though he was using the miasma a lot more, he must have been absorbing twice as much as before.

Some of it was coming from Shakti as well and that, as he learned, was different to the kind he was used to encountering out in the world.

Shakti’s miasma was the lifeblood of her and her Mistresses while the miasma that seeped out of the earth was, technically, still hers but more aged. Like a Jolsbery—poisonous until fermented but, in large doses could still be dangerous.

The miasma that came directly from Shakti was incredibly potent and Kira had definitely taken some into himself, some on purpose but most on accident. She did not approve of it, the one time he pulled some from her and into his body.

In fact, she had become quite frantic.

“What did you do?!” Her form blended together, more liquid than solid.

“I took some miasma for training. You said I needed to learn more, right?”

“Not with mine!” She pushed him away and crossed her arms over her chest. “This is my burden—it could kill you!”

Kira quirked an eyebrow. He did not feel particularly out of sorts. “Kill me?” He doubted it.

“I have had Chaayas in the past…” Her puddle of black trailed backward and she sunk down into it. “They thought they could have more power by using my miasma and it ate their bodies from the inside out.”

He waited for something to tear through him but he still felt fine. If she was so bothered by it, he would not do it again but he did not see what the problem was at first.

The next few times he had done it had all, of course, been an accident.

As he spent more time with Shakti, they became more comfortable around one another and some guards were dropped. Some days she was happier than others but, most days, she was miserable and the miasma lapped off of her like a strong flame.

Some of it just soaked into Kira’s skin without either of them meaning for it to. He had stains, around his arms and on his back from where she had touched him during some of her particularly bad moods, when she had needed someone to hold onto.

The amount he took in surprised her. It surprised all of the Mistresses too.

Most Chaaya never dealt with Shakti’s miasma directly and those who did never lasted long. His ability to absorb the substance was beyond what any of them had seen before. Despite that, he still felt ill whenever he took in too much.

Kira had a little too much in him at the moment. He had taken a few short trips to different areas, collecting more information, double checking what Ishtar had told him, and, occasionally, eating. There were a few towns with a miasma build up so he sucked in what he could while he was there.

After all, the less Merra had, the better. He and the necromancer both needed it to use their abilities although Kira swore that man never left the caves anymore.

“I have never had Chaaya make this place their home quite like you two have,” Shakti mentioned, unusually solid at Kira’s side. She still had a sheen to her skin but some of her individual hairs could be seen and she even appeared to have a flyaway.

“What’s-his-face never leaves,” Kira mumbled, “At least I go and do things.”

“So does he,” she defended but then chuckled quietly, “but he is here…very often.”

He snickered too but then focused on his current task. He was winding vines about, in a very particular fashion, to practice his control. A pattern formed against the far wall of the cave and it started to look pretty. He could imagine the pattern welded into iron and used as fencing or something of the like.

“Did you know,” Shakti changed the subject, “Miasma alters each of the elements. I know you must have noticed the vines are closely linked with your resonance to the earth.”

He had. “So, what happens with the other elements when they are infused with miasma?”

“I do not know.” She sighed. “I have never had a Chaaya who was also a disciple before you. And, if I knew at one point, those memories are long gone.”

Kira stopped moving the vines around and looked over at her. She had her shoulders slouched and she looked down. Her form melted, sinking a bit into the floor.

He had heard, both from her directly, and from the Mistresses that she lost most of her memory. Or, more specifically, each time a Mistress was born from her, a chunk of her memories went with them.

None of them had those missing chunks in them, however, as Kira had initially figured. Whatever knowledge and memory Shakti held dear, she had sacrificed in order to birth the Mistresses.

There was a tradeoff with everything, sure, but Kira often wondered if her lack of memory was part of the reason she had so many meltdowns. Each time she realized she did not know something, she would flinch and curl into herself in distress.

Then, there was more miasma.

It was like a perfect loop.

“Maybe I will learn the other elements as well,” Kira mentioned and shrugged, “Then we can find out.”

Shakti smiled and he could see the thin line in her black face as she became a little more solid again. Her hand stretched out and her fingers trailed over his shoulder. “I appreciate the enthusiasm but do not extend yourself too much. You have a mission on the horizon.”

He sighed. “Yes. And I should be leaving soon…”

“The Xiang will not know how to fight you. She has been poorly trained and has not seen you for some time. I doubt she has improved but I know you have.” Shakti slid closer and held Kira loosely in her arms so she would not bleed too much of her miasma onto him.

Hopefully, her words were true. Kira was more worried about Merra showing up at all and less about whether or not he would be able to fight her and her disciples. He knew he was stronger than all of them—they had only been able to capture him before because of a surprise attack and the fact he was holding back to focus on defense and protecting everyone else.

This time, it would just be him versus them and he had done nothing but train with miasma for the past year.

He left the crystalline chamber after saying goodbye to Shakti and returned to the tunnels where everyone else was sure to be congregated. Ziyi for certain.

Browly, the half rotten dog, trotted up to Kira with an open mouth and a wagging tail. In the short amount of time he had been back, it seemed the dog had acquired a new, functional ear.

It was not his own ear since it was a completely different color than the rest of his fur but it perked up like the other one. Kira guessed that Ziyi planned on replacing all of the destroyed or clearly dead parts of his dog until he looked somewhat alive again.

He was improving, in a weird way, but it was not especially helpful to anyone.

“Get back here!” the necromancer shouted as he chased the dog. “Stop begging this man for attention.”

“He sees Kira as the pack leader,” Chandes said with a chuckle as she walked up behind him. She pinched the sides of Ziyi’s waist, making him jump and squirm.

“Quit it!” he smacked her away and, somehow, did not get smacked back. The Mistress just laughed and stepped to the side.

“So, are you headed out?” she asked, turning her attention to Kira.

“Yes. If I come back immediately that means it was either very easy or she was not there.” He gave a short lived smile.

Their small group was soon joined by the other Mistresses as Browly started to paw at Kira’s feet, still begging for attention.

“Is this the final battle?” Kali asked, clearly mocking. “Will you kill the Xiang and bring back victory for Shakti?”

“Probably not,” Kira did not bat an eye as he responded, “She has been great at running away so far. At best, I’ll execute one of her disciples and make her sweat.”

Kali’s smirk dropped when she realized she could not get under his skin. He was not sure how she had failed to realize it thus far but, then again, she was not around all that often.

“I am sure you will find some level of success, Kira,” Parvati said and lightly pushed Kali to the side.

“Thanks. Good to see you back by the way.”

Kali cut her eyes at the younger Mistress and grumbled under her breath before leaving. Parvati shook her head at the display and said, “I really do not know why she is so opposed to you. She picked you in the first place.”

“She still feels betrayed,” Devi explained with her usual level of understanding. “One of her gifts is holding a grudge.”

“At least she looks at you and speaks to you,” Ziyi complained and picked up Browly. “She will not even acknowledge my existence.”

“No one does but me,” Chandes responded with a swift kick to his shin. As the man hopped up and down, still holding his dog somehow, she laughed and said, “But I am sure you wish I was more like Kali.”

“I pay attention to you as well, Ziyi,” Devi said, a little more stern.

“Yeah…yeah you are right.” The necromancer sunk to the floor, cradling his injury and finally letting Browly go. The dog circled around him and licked his face.

Both Kira and Parvati watched before Parvati set her hand on his back and walked him further away from the mess. “Anyway, good luck, Kira.”

He turned to face her and cocked his head to the side. “Where were you this last week?”

The Mistress raised an eyebrow. “You do not ask Kali where she goes.”

“Well, I do not care.” Kira answered easily with a snicker.

While Parvati smiled, it was clear she had no intention to actually tell him. She placed a hand on each of his shoulders. “Do not worry about it. You need to have only one thing on your mind right now.”

Her refusal to be clear about her personal affairs only made Kira more curious. He wondered if she realized that. It was especially heightened because he already knew of something she had done while off on her own. He wondered if she had another Wi Lady out in the world that no one knew about.

Because Shakti definitely did not know about Lady.

Kira did not tell her—it was not his place. He did not hold it over Parvati either, even if, in times like this, he was tempted to.

He nearly asked her if she had another kid she was caring for but the other Mistresses were too close to them. They were busy teasing Ziyi, sure, but they could overhear.

“Well…I guess you are right,” he conceded after a moment.

“Do you think you will need any help?” Parvati asked and Kira’s earlier concerns were realized when both Chandes and Devi perked up.

“You want any of us to go with you?” Devi followed up immediately.

Kira shook his head. “No. If I end up needing help, I will open a portal. Then you can jump in if you feel like it.”

“Ooooh that would be so fun!” Chandes clapped.

“You mean you can go to the surface perfectly fine?” Ziyi complained from his spot on the floor. “You always make me get you treats! Why can’t you get them yourself?”

The youngest Mistress turned back to him and started to stomp him as she scolded, “It takes a LOT of energy to manifest up there, okay! I either have to use ALL my energy or take over a body and it isn’t that hard for you! Why can you not just be happy a cute girl is asking you to buy her candies, huh?!”

“Well on that note,” Kira interrupted and glanced between Devi and Parvati. He gave them a small wave before stepping through the portal and onto some grass at dawn.

Though the sun was not fully out, the brightness was in stark contrast to the caves and he had to shield his eyes.

His body adjusted quickly but the grimace on his face did not budge. It was no longer because of the sun, however, but because of the scenery down below.

His destination.

Sun-Shi city.

[babbushka]

Act Normal

Flip Zimmerman x Reader

2.8k; Content warnings: Mentions of baby zimmerman, NSFW (exhibitionism, public sex acts/semi-public sex acts, under the desk blow-jobs, sex at work, office sex, masturbation/fingering) 

Available on AO3!

                                            ----------------------------------------

One o’clock, your favorite time of the day. Your son coos happily against your hip and snuggles into your neck, his little hands focused on the fascinating task of touching your earrings. Your heels click softly on the polished wood flooring of the CSPD, and you smile to everyone you see as you make your way through the lobby, brand new butterfly gold Pyrex tucked against your free hip carrying treats for your favorite detective unit.

Just a few more feet, a few more hellos, and your husband will be back where he belongs – in your arms.

“Hello Mrs. Heidi, is he in the new office?” You stop by the secretary in the main bullpen, and greet the elderly woman as you open up the casserole dish for her.

Inside are as many shortbread cookies as you could safely cram, all decorated in royal icing of reds and oranges, yellows and gold, designs done with a steady hand and very fine icing tips to make them appear autumnal and delicious. Mrs. Heidi, a woman who you know happens to have a penchant for shortbread, happily takes a couple and sneaks them onto a napkin with a wink, pinching the baby’s cheek to which he giggles brightly about.

“Do you even have to ask?” She motions for you to lean in close, raising an eyebrow conspiratorially, “He’ll be pleased to see you both, he’s in a right mood today.”

What else was new, you thought to yourself with a sigh and a fond shake of your head. Mrs. Heidi seems to read your mind, and she lets out a little amused laugh and pats your shoulder from across her desk.

“Hopefully this will cheer him up.” You say brightly reclaiming the cookies, knowing you have far more up your sleeve for your husband today.

You immediately grow hot, when you think of just what you’ve got planned for him -- if Mrs. Heidi can read your mind, you hope that she isn’t doing so now.

You leave the kind secretary to her treats and her typewriter, and are glad to run into a friendly face, who, by all accounts, looks far more glad to see you.

“Oh thank god.” Ron looks like he’s been put through the ringer, and you simply smile at him apologetically. Ron was too nice of a friend to Flip, he was always exceedingly tolerant and listened to your husband rant and rave and bitch about everything under the sun. Even nice friends like him could only handle so much though, and it seems like Ron was getting to the end of his patience.

“What’s gotten him worked up this time?” You give him a greeting kiss on the cheek and open up the pyrex so he can grab a handful of cookies to stress eat his heart out, walking and talking your way through the bullpen to stand outside the small office door.

“One of the cops misread their rights, so all the evidence we managed to obtain from the might be inadmissible as evidence at trial when this thing goes to court. We almost had to let the guy we’ve been hunting for three months walk.” Ron sighs and your eyebrows shoot up.

“Oh for fuck’s sake, who was it?” Immediately you begin searching the room, trying to look around for the poor sonofabitch who must have been absolutely throttled by your handsome detective.

“Richard -- but not here anymore, Flip really reamed into him and told him to go home for the rest of the day.” Ron scratches the back of his neck, takes another cookie for good measure, “He’s on the warpath.”

Time to work your magic then, you decide with as much of a casual air as possible. You shift your little wiggle worm off your hip and into Ron’s waiting arms, and suddenly your friend’s bad mood has vanished.

“These are for the rest of the guys, could you put them in the breakroom for me?” You ask Ron, who happily nods. “Be nice for Uncle Ron okay ziskayt?” You smooch the baby’s dimpled cheek and he giggles loudly, and Ron gives you a bright smile before taking him over to his desk to go say hi to Uncle Jimmy.

Turning to face the door of the little office, your heart can’t help but warm at the black letters applied on the frosted glass of the door.

Lieutenant Zimmerman

A great big grin spreads across your face as you rap your knuckles gently just below his name, and you roll your eyes when he answers with a rather harsh, “What?”

“Aw and here I thought you’d be happy to see me.” When you open the door, it takes all of two seconds for the angry expression on his face to turn to one of being stunned.

“Ketsl!” Flip practically bolts out of his big leather chair, his legs almost flying up comically with the force of how he pushes himself up and over to you. He scoops you up tight and begins kissing all over your face at once, his goatee tickling your cheek chin neck chest as he apologizes, “I’m sorry honey, I had no idea it was already one, come in, c’mere, let me get a look at you.”

“Waitwaitwait! Let me close the door first.” You can’t help but laugh, because the door to his office is still open, and what you want to do with him today will require it being closed.

However…you make sure to leave it unlocked. Once the little latch clicks into place and you’re sure the door won’t swing open of its own accord, you turn back to your husband and are already undoing the wrap tie of your blouse.

“Alright cowboy, go on.” You smirk at him when the fabric of your blouse falls to the side and your ribcage expands with the deep breath you take, your tits on full display.

Flip’s crowding you against the door, groaning low in his throat as his hands cup under your breasts and push them together so that he can nuzzle his face into the cleavage there.

“Ugh, fuck, I missed you.” He kisses the soft skin of your chest all over, grumbling and mumbling you’re your flesh, “Today’s been absolute shit.”

“I’ve heard, is there anything I can…do to help?” You manage to get one of your hands under his chin and tilt his face up up up to yours, your lids heavy and your lips licked wet, kissing his eyelids as they flutter shut, “Anything at all, to relieve you of some of this tension?”

He recognizes it, that tone of your voice. That tone of yours that makes him weak in the knees, that makes him turn into nothing but a puddle of desire for you. You get whatever you want when you talk to him like that – and he knows exactly what it’s going to be this time.

At least, he thinks he does.

He kisses you slowly, against the door. The kind of kiss that has his tongue pressing hot and wet against yours, the kind of kiss that makes him hard in his jeans for you. He’s so hard, and you grin against his smile, against the rasp of his goatee, because he has no idea what he’s in for when he growls,

“Watch it ketsl.”

“Mmm, or what? You’ll bend me over this desk right here where everyone could see?” You whisper against his jaw as you begin to kiss down down down his face, sucking and moaning softly against his throat. “Oh, but that’s right. You like that, don’t you, you like being watched.”

“You’re playin’ a dangerous game sweetheart.” There’s a fist in your hair then, and you grin up at him when he pulls your head back ever so slightly, searches your gaze. Are you just teasing him? Or do you mean it?

“A game sounds like just what you need to get you out of this mood.” You moan guiding his free hand, the one that isn’t in your hair, to grasp and squeeze at your nipple, telling him to, “Go sit down. Let me make you feel good.”

 Flip looks good, sitting at that desk of his. He’s got a real fancy office chair, brown leather that can recline a little ways back. Just enough, in fact, that he can lean lean lean back as his legs spread, those knees of his bumping just underneath the wood of the desk. They spread just wide enough for you to settle yourself between them.

Having the office is such a luxury that you can’t imagine not taking advantage of the enclosed space when you visit every day. He’s had it for a week, and you’ve already come on every surface, broken the place in to the best of your ability. But this…this was something else altogether different.

You undo the button closure of Flip’s jeans, and with an expert hand you pull his cock out. It’s flushed at the head, a dark delicious red where he’s aching for you, the veins thick and practically throbbing under your tongue as you lick a stripe up the shaft. That hand in your hair returns, and a long moan shudders through Flip’s chest as he slouches in the chair to relax into your touch.

“Mmm, shit ketsl.” He watches you with eyes that are practically glazed over, jaw dropped at the way you rub the head of his cock through your lips. “Touch yourself?”

You’ve sucked Flip’s dick at the station too many times to count, in back store rooms and broom closets, bathrooms and the empty breakroom, and of course quite a few times on the interrogation table -- but this, this was something you knew he’s always wanted to try, the thrill of being caught. The thrill of someone walking into his office and knowing what you’re up to.

Knowing that you’re under his desk, with your tits out, his cock in your mouth, your free hand stuffed in your panties. Your fingers rub and tease at your folds, and you moan around his length, moan and take him deeper as your fingers push into your pussy.

He can feel it, that thrill now, you know he can; his thighs are twitching, trembling, his tongue darting out to lick and lick and lick at his lower lip. He keeps looking up at the door, his heart thudding, pounding in his ears as his cock throbs in your mouth as you suck him off, take as much of him as you can down your throat.

His cock is velvety and hot and you drool around him, because you can’t help but drool, he’s so big and your mouth gets forced open so wide – you’re lucky his office is wood floors and not carpeting, easy clean up. Especially with the way your cunt is so slick, dripping all over your fingers and soaking through your panties, that wouldn’t do to have absorbing into his carpet.

“Fuck – (Y/N) someone’s coming.” Suddenly, Flip tenses, and your heart hammers in your chest as the two of you make eye contact.

He looks wild in the best way, and when you pull off of him and gasp for air, his dick oozes precome onto your lips and chin.

“Better act normal then, because the door’s unlocked and I’m not stopping.” You grin devilishly, and lick all of that precome up, swallow it down.

“Flip, can I come in?” The voice of Mark, one of the guys down in homicide, sounds from just beyond the door.

Flip looks at you, and you look back at Flip, and you suck so hard that he has to brace himself against the edge of his desk as he makes the decision that yes, yes you’re going to do this.

“What do you need?” Flip clears his throat loudly and with the question, allows Mark to come into the office.

You’re hyper-aware of everything all at once, the thud of his footsteps as he comes into the room, the noise from the bullpen just outside the office door, the heaviness of your own breathing, the air conditioning and the chatter and and and – everything reminding you that you’re in public, that you’re at Flip’s work, that you’re under his desk.

The only reason you can get away with this at all, you think with a smirk as you nearly deepthroat your husband right there, is that you’re completely concealed by the desk. And, as long as Mark doesn’t come any closer, Flip’s big cock down your throat is concealed too.

That big cock, twitching and pulsing, hot precome salty tangy perfect on your tongue as you fuck yourself on your fingers, your tits glistening and wet from drool that’s slipping sliding out of your mouth.

“Hey wasn’t your wife visiting?” Mark asks real nonchalantly, and you almost choke. “I could’ve sworn I saw her in the lobby earlier.”

“She uhhhh,” Flip realizes a second or two later that Mark is talking to him, and he blinks and clears his throat again as he twitches and tries his best to remain calm even when you’ve got your hand wrapped around his length and are stroking him off while you suck on the head of his dick, “She had to go to the bathroom. What do you need?”

“Chief needs some signatures on this paperwork, he asked me to bring it over. Do you think you take a minute to look at it?” Mark is blissfully unaware of you under the table, and Flip does he absolute fucking damnedest not to look at you – because if he looks at you he will blow his load right in front of this guy, and then everything will be fucked.

He’s so hard from that thought that he accidentally twitches so hard that he rams his knee up underneath the desk and shakes everything on top of it. You pull off his cock and cover your mouth so you don’t gasp from the sudden movement, giving yourself away.

“Sure sure, just leave it on the side table there,” Flip doesn’t know how he sounds entirely too cool for a man about to come so hard he might cry, but he is, and he does, and Mark is nodding and already walking away from the desk, back towards the door. “I’ll get it back to him after lunch.”

“Thanks Flip.” He says with a friendly smile and a nod.

“Yup.” Flip wants to come so badly, wants to come down your throat so badly and then bend you over this desk and fuck you raw until you’re the one crying.

“Oh and tell the missus I says hi.” Mark is all too cheerful and Flip musters all his strength to not snap at him.

“Sure thing – close the door, please.” Flip replies through grit teeth, and finally, finally, the door is closed and Flip is growling at you, releasing a big breath he’d been holding.

He winds his fist in your hair again and gags you on his cock with how tightly he presses your face to his crotch, making your throat stretch and bulge around him. You rock back on your fingers fast fast fast until you’re coming, your eyes fluttering shut and jaw going slack. Your drool darkens his jeans as you moan and choke around him, and that leather chair of his creaks beautifully as you bob your head up and down shallowly to mimic the way he loves to thrust and fuck your mouth.

“Ohh fuck honey-bunny, you and that tongue…” He thunks his head back against the chair and comes hard hard hard, the salty tangy sticky taste of come hitting the back of your throat as he shakes and shudders around you with a, “Fuck.”

You just breathe through your nose and take everything he gives you, before eventually pulling off him and stroking his cock slowly, carefully, to milk out any last droplets of come that you kiss away from your palm.

He looks absolutely wrecked, your husband does, his eyes rolled back into his skull as he gulps down deep breaths. He’s sweating, which you think is charming, because you’re the one who did all the work. But it’s work you love doing, because he’s already smiling at you hazy dreamy so in love, his hand coming to cup your cheek as he leans over to kiss the taste of himself off your lips.

“Liked that?” Your voice is raspy from being used so raw, and that makes Flip come a little bit more in your hand with a soft groan. He knows that the second he tries to stand up, he’ll collapse, his legs made of jell-o.

“You’re gonna be the death of me honey, you know that?” He bites the inside of his cheek when you tuck him back into his jeans and button him up sweetly, let him bury his face in your cleavage once more before you tie up your wrap blouse, “The death of me.”

“At least you’ll die a happy man.” You chuckle, knowing that at the very least, no one can suspect what goes on behind the frosted glass.

[raindancer2004]

Unloved and Unwanted?

Word Count: 3,347 Felix x reader Part Two. Warnings: Fluff, Angst

“How do you know the Cullens?” Caius asked curiously “My mother was killed in a car accident six months ago and I was sent to live with my father; who I had never met before. It turns out Bella and I share a father. I finally met Bella for the first time about 10 days ago and at first I was unsure why she decided to meet me as neither her nor our father had made me feel welcome or a part of the family, but once they told me about your world and my mate I understood why.” Y/N answered “I’m sorry to hear that Y/N” Marcus says looking sad. Hearing this made Jane feel sorry for Y/N as she knows how it feels to be unwanted by those who are meant to care for you.

“Heidi please take Y/N to your room and stay with her, we have to speak with Y/N’s mate and inform him of the…situation” Aro says looking at Heidi “Of course master” Heidi replies bowing her head. “Excuse me can I ask a question?” Y/N asks looking at Aro who nods at her to continue “If I am to be rejected by my mate can this be done sooner rather later please? I do not wish to be an inconvenience to him or yourselves any longer than need be” “The decision lies with your mate and there is much to discuss my dear and” Aro replies and Y/N nods.  

Heidi and Y/N leave the throne room and make their way to Heidi’s room; when inside Heidi sits Y/N on the bed and goes into her bathroom “I’m going to run you a bath sweetie, I think it will help you relax after the day you’ve had” “Thank you Heidi”

Meanwhile, back in the throne room Aro sends Demetri to get Felix “Please bring Felix here but do not tell him anything” “Of course master” Demetri replies. Demetri found Felix in the library with Alec “Felix, Aro wishes to speak with you” He nods; putting down the book he is reading and walks with Demetri to the throne room. “Good evening masters” Felix greets the three kings bowing his head “Evening Felix” They reply; Demetri comes to stand beside Felix. “Felix we have a situation that we need to discuss with you” Marcus says “Ok, I’m listening” He replies “It has to do with our visitor and the reason behind Heidi’s meeting with us” Aro starts “Our visitor is called Y/N and she is your mate according to one of Alice Cullen’s visions” Aro continues; Felix looks surprised “They just sent her here?” He asks “Yes my dear boy” Marcus says “I cannot confirm your mate bond until I see you together of course. But…there is a complication; she has been told that she would be rejected by you…and she does not plan on fighting your rejection” Marcus continues.

“B-but…who? Why…what?” Felix is so shocked to hear this he struggles to get a full sentence out. “The Cullens are involved. They sent Y/N here with this letter for Aro” Caius says still angry with them and hands Felix the letter to read “As you can see they have explained to her about vampires, mates and their bonds and lastly they told her about us. Y/N told us that Edward, his siblings and Bella told her that her mate is an elite guard and is the strongest vampire in the world but nothing else personal about him. When asked why she came here if she knew she was to be rejected; her answer was…surprising” Caius adds “What was her answer?” Felix asked unsure if he really wanted to know “Edward told her if we found out that they knew about Y/N being mates with one of our guards and they didn’t tell us; we would kill them and bring her here by force and they wouldn’t risk their lives for her” Aro answered. “Where is she now?” Felix asks sounding concerned “I sent her to Heidi’s room with Heidi whilst we discuss things” Aro replied. “May I see her? Set things straight?” Felix asked; hurt clearly showing in his eyes. “I think it best if she stays with Heidi for tonight and rests, maybe speak to her tomorrow” Marcus adds gently. “Ok, if you think that is best. If that is all, I think I’m going to go for a walk outside” Felix says bowing his head “Of course my boy, we understand” Aro says.

Felix leaves the throne room “Demetri go with him please, he shouldn’t be alone right now” Caius adds. “Yes master” Demetri bows and follows Felix.

“Hey wait up Felix” Demetri says running to catch up with his friend. “How are you doing?” He asks “I’m shocked…angry…worried; I’ve waited a long time to meet my mate and this is not how I thought things would go. I mean…I’m not even able to see her…to find out if she is definitely mine. I don’t understand why the Cullens are involved either” Felix replied “The Cullens are involved because Y/N is Bella’s younger half-sister” Demetri answered “W-what?” “Y/N lost her mum six months ago and was sent to live her dad, who she’s never met before and she and Bella only met about 10 days ago, totally out of the blue. She isn’t wanted by them either” Demetri added. This just upset Felix more “I haven’t said I don’t want her D” Felix said looking at his friend “I know that. I-I don’t think this will help matters but you should know she…she came here out of fear” Demetri said cautiously. “Explain now!” Felix growled out “They told her that if she was to run and hide the Volturi would send me; the world’s the best tracker after her, and that I’d bring her here kicking and screaming if needed…and that she would incur the wrath of her mate, who can be…rather cruel. She just figured it was easier to come here willingly…even if she wasn’t wanted and would be rejected” Demetri answered. “She knows her mate is the strongest vampire in the world but doesn’t know her mate’s name; she doesn’t know that he’s you” He added. “Kicking and screaming? Unwanted? Cruel?” Felix asked and Demetri just nodded. “She’s never going to talk to me let alone give me a chance to show her what I am really like” Felix sounded hurt; Demetri felt sorry for his friend “When we get back go and speak to Heidi, Y/N will probably be asleep anyway” “Y/N is…human?” Felix asks with a small smile “Yes and she is really pretty…for a human” Demetri replies grinning.

Jane left the throne room when the other guards came on duty and went to the kitchen to get some food for Y/N. “Gianna what do you think Y/N would like to eat?” Jane asked “I’ve made chilli and rice for myself and made enough for Y/N, just in case” “Thank you Gianna” Jane took a bowl and made her way to Heidi’s room. “Heidi I’ve bought Y/N some dinner, Gianna made enough for them both” Jane said as she entered the room “Thank you Jane” Heidi replies. “Y/N this is Jane, she has bought you dinner” “Nice to meet you and thank you for dinner” Y/N smiles at Jane “You’re welcome sweetie” Jane replies smiling. “How is she doing Heidi?” “Surprising well considering what she has been told about us and her mate” Heidi replied, their conversation too quiet for Y/N to hear. “I actually feel a little sorry Felix” Jane said “Me too Jane. How did he take the news when the masters told him?” Heidi enquired “He was shocked but was also concerned for Y/N, he left the castle to go for a walk, and Caius sent Demetri after him” Jane responded.

Felix made his way to Heidi’s room once he returned to the castle; he wanted to know that Y/N was ok and if Heidi thought he had a chance to be with her. He wasn’t feeling very hopeful. He knocked on the door lightly not wanting to wake Y/N. “Hi Felix, I wondered when you’d come by” Heidi said quietly “Y/N is asleep” “I thought she would be. It was you I came to see” Felix said quietly looking over at Heidi’s bed; seeing a head of Y/H/C hair lying on her pillow. “She’s really pretty Felix, she has Y/E/C eyes” He looked at her and smiled stepping back into the corridor “Talk to me Heidi, please” She nodded and stepped into the corridor and closed the door “What do you want to know?” She asked “How is she doing?” Felix asked low “She’s ok, but I wish she’d never met Bella or the Cullens. They’ve broken her even if she tries not to show it” She replied “Broken? You mean…because of the way she has been treated since her mum died?” He asked concerned “Yes Felix. She has felt unwanted and unloved for the last six months; I think that’s why they sent her here…they don’t want her. What I don’t get though is why they told her that crap about you. It’s as if they want her to be unhappy” Heidi sounded angry “I know, the masters and Demetri have told me what she has been told” He said “She doesn’t know you’re her mate. They didn’t bother to tell her your name. You do want her Felix don’t you?” Heidi asked “I haven’t met her and I know Marcus hasn’t confirmed it; but since being told that Y/N is my mate she’s the only thing I’ve thought about, especially considering all the stuff she’s been told by the Cullens” Heidi could see the venom in his eyes; the tears that’ll go unshed.

The next morning Demetri knocks on Heidi’s door “I’ve bought Y/N breakfast” “Come in Demetri” Heidi opens the door and lets him in. “Y/N this is Demetri, he has bought you breakfast” Y/N turned around and looked at him “Thank you, that’s really nice of you” She said smiling “You’re very welcome cara mia” He replied smiling; “Demetri can you stay with Y/N please, I have some work to do?” Heidi asked “Yes of course” He replied. Heidi passed Felix in the corridor “How come you didn’t bring Y/N breakfast?” She asked him “Demetri offered to do it as part of his plan to help me get to know her” He replied and Heidi just nodded trusting that they had a plan figured out.

Meanwhile, back in Heidi’s room “Did you sleep well?” Demetri asked Y/N “Yes I did, thank you for asking” She replied. “How are you doing with everything?” He asked her. “Y-you know?” She asked “Only what I heard in the throne room as I was on duty at the time” He answered. “You know then that I found out from my half-sister and her in-laws that I have a soulmate who’s a vampire; the strongest vampire in the world actually, but that he’ll reject me and lock me away forever” Y/N said with no emotion; she didn’t see the anger that flashed in his eyes. He didn’t say anything. “It’s ok Demetri I’ve accepted that the one person who’s supposed to love me forever won’t. I just hope that this gets dealt with soon as I do not wish to be an inconvenience to anyone any longer than needed” Y/N added. “You wouldn’t be an inconvenience to him, in fact I think he’ll be pleased to meet you” Demetri replied “Y-you know him?” Y/N asked “Yes and despite what you have been told he’d never be cruel to you” Demetri said trying to reassure her. “It doesn’t matter anyway” Y/N replied “It does matter Y/N. Please give him a chance to show you what he is really like. I think you may be surprised” He said hoping she would give Felix a chance.

Later that morning Jane is sent to fetch Y/N from Heidi’s room “Y/N? Are you in here?” Jane calls as she enters the room “In the bathroom, I’ll be out in a minute” Y/N calls back. “I’ve been asked to take you to the throne room; Aro would like to speak to you” “O-ok” Y/N replies bracing herself to be rejected.

Jane opens the doors to the throne room and Y/N notices that the three kings and Demetri are in the room waiting for her, along with a shorter dark haired vampire, who shares a resemblance to Jane. Jane feels Y/N grab her hand and give it a squeeze “You’ll be ok, I promise” Jane says low to Y/N. “Ahh Jane, Y/N, so nice to see you both” Aro says smiling, descending down the throne steps “So we have spoken to your mate about the situation and he has read the letter that was addressed to me and he has chosen not to reject you…but rather he would like the opportunity to get to know you. What do you say?” Aro asks “I-I’m not sure. I mean I thought…” Y/N was cut off by Marcus “I know that you had accepted what the Cullens had told you but you should know you are safe here with us and your mate would very much like to meet you” “O-ok, but on one condition” Y/N said quietly looking at Aro, who nodded “I’d like Demetri or Heidi to be with me when I meet him” Aro looked at Demetri who nodded “Yes that sounds fair Y/N. Demetri will accompany you when you meet your mate” Aro replied. Demetri made his way over to Y/N “Come I’ll take you to meet him now…he’s in the garden” Demetri took Y/N’s warm hand in his cold one and led her to where Felix was waiting for her.

Once they reached the garden Y/N noticed a huge dark haired vampire sitting on the bench in front of the small water feature. “You’ll stay won’t you…please?” Y/N asks looking up at Demetri “Of course that’s why I am here” He answered her. “Felix” Demetri called softly getting his friend’s attention and he turned around “This is Y/N, your mate. Y/N this is Felix” He added as Felix smiled at her and he stood up to greet her. Y/N squeezed Demetri’s hand and stepped back so she was standing slightly behind him, something that didn’t go unnoticed by either vampire. Demetri saw the look of hurt that flashed through his friend’s eyes at Y/N’s reaction. Felix made no attempt to get any closer to her despite the urge to hold her in his arms; to make her feel safe. Demetri looked over his shoulder at Y/N “I’m here. You’re safe, I promise” He squeezed her hand gently “It’s ok Demetri. I-I understand this is…difficult for her” Felix said low “She doesn’t have to stay, if she doesn’t want to” He added “Ok Fe. I’ll take her back inside…we’ll try again another time” Demetri replied “Come on, we can go to my room as I have the afternoon off.” Demetri and Y/N made their way back to his room and sat on the sofa by the fireplace “I-I’m sorry” She said low “You don’t need to apologise. It’ll just take time and I’ll be right here with you every step of the way. I promise Y/N” Demetri replied wrapping his arms around her gently to comfort her.

Meanwhile Felix had made his way back to his room and laid on his bed looking up at the ceiling thinking. He knew the moment he had looked into her eyes that she was his mate, he didn’t need Marcus to tell him that. He felt drawn to her and he knew that he would love and protect her forever; that her happiness was all that mattered to him. He just had to find a way to show her that he wasn’t the cruel mate she had been led to believe him to be.

Y/N woke up in Demetri’s bed, having fallen asleep on his sofa “Morning Y/N sleep well?” Demetri asks from his desk “Morning, I did. Sorry for falling asleep in your room” She replies “No need to apologise, you’re welcome to stay in my room or Heidi’s whilst we sort you out a room of your own” Demetri responds “Thank you Demetri”

A few days later Y/N moved into her own room; it was not very big but it had a fireplace on the right-hand side of the room with a sofa in front of it, a double bed with a blue and silver duvet set on the wall opposite the fireplace. There was a window on the wall opposite the door and the door to the walk-in closet was opposite the window wall; the en-suite was accessible from the closet.

There was a knock on the door but when Y/N opened the door there was noone there; she looked down and saw a vase full of mixed lilies, a card was gently resting on the top:

‘Some flowers to brighten up your new room. Felix’

A small smile crept on Y/N’s face; unknown to her Felix and Demetri were watching from the other end of the corridor “See I told you flowers would make her smile Fe” Demetri said sounding a little smug “Yes you were right but one bouquet is not going to fix things D” Felix replies “True but it’s a start” Demetri pats his friend on the back and makes his way to the throne room for guard duty.

That night Heidi comes and takes Y/N to the family room for movie night “Wow. This room is huge” Y/N says amazed at the huge TV, wall to wall bookcases full of DVDs and Blu-rays and the multiple sofas and chairs spread out around the room “Heidi. I’ve saved you and Y/N a seat” Demetri calls out from the L-shaped sofa; Heidi and Y/N start to make their way to where Demetri is sitting when Y/N notices Felix is sitting with him, Y/N sits down beside Demetri leaving Heidi to sit beside Felix “She really doesn’t like me, does she?” Felix says low to Heidi “She’s only been here about a week; you just need to give her time. It’s a lot for her to deal with, she’ll come round” Heidi replied low.

It was the twins’ turn to pick the films and Jane’s choice was a horror film that had Y/N burying her head into Demetri’s shoulder whenever she got scared; Demetri’s arm wrapping around her “You’re ok, you can look now” He said low in her ear; Felix couldn’t help feeling a little jealous watching his mate seek comfort from his friend “Demetri’s just being a friend to her, that’s all Felix” Heidi whispered “I know but it should be me she seeks comfort in, I am her mate after all” He whispers back “I’m sorry Fe” Demetri whispers as he notices his friend shifting beside him “It’s fine. I’m glad she feels safe with one us at least” Felix replies too low for Y/N to hear. Alec puts on his choice of film next having chosen an action film.

A week later Y/N was in the library with Demetri and Heidi when Felix bursts through the doors causing her to jump “Oh” She gasped holding her hand over her heart “Sorry Y/N. I didn’t mean to scare you” Felix apologises and she nods “So what you has you all worked up?” Heidi asks “The annual Carnival is town for a few days as of tomorrow and I think we should go” Felix replies “Sounds good Fe I’m in” Demetri smiles “And me” Heidi adds “What about you Y/N would you like to come with us?” Felix asks feeling a little anxious “Er…I…um” She stutters a reply “Come on Y/N it’ll be fun. You’ll even get to see Demetri and Felix compete with each other over who can ‘win’ the most games and stuff” Heidi says encouraging her “Er…yea ok…I’ll come” Y/N replies looking at Heidi; missing the smile and thumbs up Demetri gives Felix.

[wallwriterstuff]

Hi!What do you think about Demetri/Alec/Felix dating a hybrid?I mean, I had this idea since i read the last book but what if they found their mate when they went to check up on Joham?And one of his daughters is a redhead with unreal green eyes and shes even more beautiful than Heidi or Rosalie? Hybrids are more beautiful than vampires they say.Maybe has a gift too?I think this is an idea the entire fandom went over and i think its cool so if you want to, could u write some headcanons about it?

Hi hey hello! I definitely did enjoy writing these headcanons. Sorry they took a wee while but I hope you like! 

Alec: He will be aged up to the movie version in this since hybrids fully mature to look like adults 😊

This boy is insatiably curious

You fascinate him

You’ve been alive a while but your experience is so different to his, you’ve lived so differently under your father’s influence

Expect long nights telling him every detail of your existence, what it was like to grow up so fast with your sisters, with Joham, knowing your brother only through notes and the occasional visit

He has learned by now that you come as a package deal with your sisters, but this is something he understands. As he and Jane shared a womb, so shall they share a life

Constantly tries to get you to eat human food because oh my god you can eat it without gagging?             +  “And this?”                          “Alec I can eat human food, it just tastes like cardboard.”                    “Even this?”

The first time you sleep in his presence he has this awestruck expression. He’s not watched anyone sleep in all the time he’s been immortal and doesn’t remember what it was like to sleep himself. All those faces you make as you dream send his mind absolutely reeling because what are you thinking about? What do you dream of? Is it bizarre in your head? What he wouldn’t give to catch a mere glimpse of your dreams…

Jane is…difficult. She wants to like you, really she does, but the only other hybrid she knows belongs to the Cullen’s and that whole fiasco is a sore spot as a Volturi defeat in her mind (and no one defeats her coven)

The first time you get a small scrape Alec FreAkS out because oh god you’re bleeding the whole room is going to be after your sweet sweet blood and…and it’s too sweet…you, you really don’t smell all that appealing like a regular human, hell, Santiago’s not even noticed? What?

Always grumbles and complains your too hot when you cuddle (you’re a solid 40°C after all) but secretly loves your warmth. He’s been frozen for centuries and you’re his very own hot water bottle          + Does get a wee bit annoyed when you make him spoon with you later into the relationship because vampires aren’t be able to supposed to sweat but he SWEARS venom is leaking from every pore in his body because you make the bed an oven

15/10 from this boy, adores having a hybrid mate, you are the perfect snuggle buddy for him and just the right amount of human to make him feel like he’s doing a good job protecting you (even though you’re a hybrid and almost as strong as he is, it’s an old timey thing and he died a pubescent boy, let him feel like a man please)

Demetri:

Honestly? He forgets half of the time

“Absolutely not, I will not risk you coming hunting with me!”                “I need to hunt and I will not be letting you stop me, bloodhound.”

When they had first gone to find Joham Demetri had been more than curious, the differences in his mind between vampire and hybrid stark considering they’d almost caused a war with the Cullen’s

He replayed the trial over and over in his mind as he followed the strangely vibrant tenor straight to…his mate?

Excuse you?

It swings one way or the other for the initial getting to know period, either he’s treating your fragile ‘human’ self like glass or your ‘vampire’ self is being thrown against the nearest wall because the man has urges and you’re more than happy to satisfy them

You were mostly raised by your sister, living the nomadic life of a vampire with visits to your father now and then when he wanted to check on your development, so you pair spend long hours discussing all the places you’ve been and things you have seen                    + Since Demetri is far older he has lots more stories to tell so these evenings eventually turn into him telling stories while you end up in a variety of situations. Sometimes he’s holding you to him in bed while he waits for you to fall asleep, other times he lights the fire and you sit curled up together on the sofa before it. 

Your favourite Storytime setting by far is the window seat, where you can lean back against his chest and be blanketed by the diamonds his skin reflects in the sunset

You don’t really like human food all that much, but in an effort to woo you he spent all day watching videos and messing up recipes until he had perfected (if you count perfected as collapsing in on itself in places and a little bit raw in the middle) a chocolate cake to welcome you to Volterra for the first time

There was a little flour on his jaw still when he presented it to you and his eyes were all big

He had this smug little smile too

Too smug considering the state of the cake

You’ve been treated to baked goods ever since and Demetri has gotten rather good at his new hobby

110% watches you sleep but not for nefarious reasons. You talk in your sleep and Demetri has compiled a secret list of things you say for his eyes only            + His favourite so far is “Felix no, put that poor duck down.”                     + You didn’t remember where that had come from so it remains without context, and Demetri has made a myriad of stories each more outlandish than the next as to where that quote came from

Loves to lay his head on your chest and listen to your fast, fluttering heartbeat, you get bonus points if you play with his hair

Doesn’t even bother tracking you by tenor anymore, you radiate heat, he knows when you’re near because he gets warmer

You’re rather self-concious that you live among the Volturi without being gifted             + Demetri is always quick to remind you that your very nature is the most extraordinary gift in itself

Overall a very good match for a hybrid, you’re never bugged by endless questions like your sister is with Alec but you do need to remind him sometimes of your dual-species label, you need blood as much as you need sleep

Felix:

This character follows a specific idea of appearance stated in the request

Felix absolutely adores you, your perfect for him in every way!

Someone small and durable? Sign him up!

Your attitude is as fiery as your hair, which is a good thing because Felix needs someone as stubborn as he is

His head is as thick as his arms

The minute he sees you he’s completely under your spell which surprises only those closest to him – the mans a giant teddy bear as you now well know

Felix takes things nice and slow, he’s never been a fan of rushing into things when it comes to romance, and is very much intro traditional ways of wooing you                  + The first thing you receive is a simple letter, elegantly written in a large spidery hand. You were already smitten with the beefy man by the last line, the flowers that arrived a week later really weren’t necessary but very much appreciated

Your hybrid nature is perfect to him because for once, his height difference with you doesn’t seem so scary. He can’t help being big, but at least with your durability he doesn’t have to worry about crushing you

Felix is considered a grunt, muscle and little else, but he’s shared with you his passion for reading and poetry – you never tire of the poems he creates for you

He’s a very proud man so expect to be shown off to all the Guard and basically everyone you ever meet               + “Enough of your chatter! You know your crime, now face your punishment!”                                                           “ I wouldn’t test my mate if I were you.”                                               “Are you really going to reveal such a tactical weakness? They could target her.”                                                           “…I wouldn’t test this extremely beautiful and talented woman I am in no way connected to if I were you.”                    “Smooth Felix, really smooth.”

Once you feel comfortable with Felix, you show him your gift and its extraordinary effects – his eyes widen at the vivid, ethereal shade of green your eyes turn as you lift a hand and coax all the flora in the room towards you, you can expect him to never shut up about it once he knows               + “Can you make another one?”                                                           “Not unless I hunt first.”                                                        “And then you can make me another flower?”

Felix, it turns out, is a giant goofball when he’s at home. You’re so used to seeing the tense guardsmen it is a complete shock to you when you start living with him in Volterra and see how carefree he is within the walls of his own home

You try not to condone his prank war with Demetri since they both get in trouble for it but you can’t resist helping out from time to time…you can tie off water balloons quicker than he can so you make a good accomplice

Felix doesn’t really touch you in public but he does steal kisses to assert his claim on you. He’ll kiss your forehead whenever he enters or exits a room you’re in, presses kisses to your cheek when you pass each other in the corridor

He reserves a kiss on the lips of any kind for when he’s leaving for a while if in public, like if he’s preparing for a mission with the guard for example, but when you’re alone expect to constantly be coddled by him. He wraps himself around you like a blanket and Will. Not. Let. Go!

[razanartuk]

about me tag game thing

i was tagged by the wonderful @nothingunrealistic! thank you very much ily <3

under read more bc i was not capable of keeping my answers brief this time around

why did you choose your url?

this...was supposed to be a short explanation but it turned into quite a tale so strap in i guess because we are going on a ride. back in 2017 i was just getting into musical theatre rp and i was still feeling too shy to really talk to anyone ooc so i would just wait for people i wanted to interact with to post starter calls so i could just do things in character with them the easy way. So i did this with my friend cam, who posted a starter for me using a lyric from If I Could Tell Her. she linked the song so i could listen to it, so i did and i went ‘wait a minute, is that Ben Platt from Pitch Perfect?? (and other things too, but i only recognized his voice at the time bc of the acappella girl movies)’ and yes it certainly was.

i had zero idea what the plot of Dear Evan Hansen was about at that point, and for some reason based off Just That One Song and the poster art of who i assumed was Some Guy in a Polo Shirt i started to think it was about some jock guy who broke his arm and had an emo/goth friend who had either died or gone missing under mysterious circumstances. also i intuited that Evan had a crush on his friend’s sister but he couldn’t tell her that directly or his emo friend would kick his ass. so i was like mostly wrong, but a little bit right.

oh and i knew jared and alana were characters from the show bc cam said that they were i think?? but i had no idea what their role was. so after listening to if i could tell her, i listened to good for you and all i really got out of that was that evan the apparently not-jock guy had done...something... that really hurt jared and alana. and at that point i finally decided to go look up a plot synopsis and i found out i was waaay off base. but honestly this is why cast recordings should include scene dialogue in the songs bc otherwise you just get soundtracks like dear evan hansen where the songs have like. zero context. we really just go from waving through a window to for forever to sincerely me without like. any reason as to what is happening huh. It’s honestly not a surprise anymore that all those people on twitter had no idea the plot isn’t about gay teenagers.

anyways. cam was writing jared and she made a post at one point about wishing somebody would write alana and i was like ‘oh i could do that!’ (after i had actually Seen a bootleg and finally knew what the whole story was, of course) so i made a multimuse rp blog featuring alana beck, nabulungi hatimbi, chloe valentine and some other characters, and cam started sharing her headcanons with me that alana is trans, jared and alana were close friends when they were little kids but they sort of drifted apart as they got older and their priorities in life changed, jared was the first person alana came out to when she realized she’s trans, etc.

one night i started talking about wanting to pick a more theatre-relevant url for my blog and trans-[character name] urls were getting pretty popular, and at least 3 of the friends i made through rp had changed theirs to coordinating trans-[character name] and i think it was cam suggested i should make mine be trans-alana so i did. eventually i realized the unhyphenated version was available so i changed it to transalana with no hyphen and i have lived here ever since. sometimes i think about changing it but i feel like transalana has become a part of My Brand and i am not so great with coming up with cool names for things.

any side blogs? if you have them, name them and why you have them

in theory, i have sideblogs... i don’t really use them, but of the ones i do have, there is:

emsbookblog - this was supposed to be where i would post excerpts of the book that i’m working on, but i think i did that maybe one time roughly 2 years ago and then promptly forgot about it/got nervous about my writing and was scared to share anything else. the rest of the stuff that is there is assorted writing tips. i don’t really know what to do with it now. i probably should post all my little thoughts about em and anita and caleb there instead of infodumping on my main from time to time, but if i do that then i have to promo a sideblog and direct people over to it which is always annoying to me when i could just do it on this blog which is much easier

dearnovelhansen - this is basically no longer used, but was a sideblog i made specifically to talk/complain about the novel adaptation of Dear Evan Hansen which was about 3 years ago?? maybe? i can’t be trusted to understand the passage of time. but to summarize: i thought it was an honor just to have the story be made more accessible since many of us couldn’t see the stage performance, but i hated a lot of the creative liberties that were taken. my main grumbles are that everyone who isn’t evan or connor is done so dirty in the novel. connor’s still kind of done dirty in the book, but not as much as like. heidi, alana, jared, and zoe are.

horseisle3 - this one was meant to be a place where i could just enthusiastically post screenshots from hi3, but instead it turned into a blog where i occasionally reblog other players’ hi3 content and bitch about how bad the game admins are bc hi3 is the tumblr famous (infamous?) homophobic horse game. the game where it was once okay to call your club store the gulag bc according to their head of hr, ‘it’s just a russian word for prison’ but you can’t say ‘im gay’ without somebody accusing you of corrupting young children who play the game. unfortunately there aren’t very many good interactive horse games out there, so this one is still about as good as it gets. it’s either that or star stable and i don’t care about star stable.

mlaenie - i’ve had this url saved for i don’t even know how long. way way way back in the day when i wanted to escape from the clutches of the onceler fandom i abandoned my first blog where i basically had an alter ego i guess?? and i decided to just be myself on the new blog. i don’t fully remember who came up with it, but one of my sister’s mutuals suggested that if you scrambled the letters in your name you could come up with aesthetic-looking urls. so lauren’s url became lrauen, and to match with her mine became mlaenie, which i abandoned on tumblr after about a year or so? but have continued to use as my main username on twitter, reddit, youtube, xbox, steam, and discord. i barely ever use any of these accounts aside from twitter, steam, and xbox, but yeah. so i’ve decided to try and turn this empty sideblog into a place for video game thoughts maybe. we’ll see how long it lasts this time around.

how long have you been on tumblr?

i made my first tumblr account in december of 2010, but i didn’t understand how to use it at all or how to customize my theme to look cool and unique so i quickly abandoned it. i made a new account in september of 2011 after some kids at school and my sister told me i should and i have been trapped here with varying degrees of activity/inactivity ever since. i have witnessed the rise and fall of the lorax/onceler fandom, hyperfocused on lord of the rings, star wars and back to the future all at the same time, and for the past 4 years i’ve mostly been a musical theatre blog with assorted other fandom stuff mixed in. i feel i have seen everything and nothing, but mostly i’m just tired and bored.

do you have a queue tag?

no bc i don’t use a queue. i’ve tried using it in the past but i irrationally feel pressured to sustain a coherent theme to queued posts and my brain simply does not vibe with that so i just don’t use it at all anymore. Instead i instantly reblog or post several unrelated thoughts in succession and then don’t post again at all for 3 days. the way god intended

why did you start your blog in the first place?

my very first blog was intended to be a place for me to post all of my petz 5 animals’ profile info, but i didn’t have any understanding of how coding worked at all and i don’t think i really wanted to learn, either. so it just sat there, unused. my second attempt at blogging was as a classic rock fandom person, so as you can probably imagine i was pretty pretentious about ‘modern pop’ vs the beatles, the rolling stones, the who, the monkees, and so on. and then i slowly devolved into a lorax fandom blog and everything went to shit so i made a new blog for lord of the rings/the hobbit which later evolved to include star wars and back to the future blogging. and then for the past 4 years i’ve been mainly a musical theatre blog with other random stuff i like thrown haphazardly into the pot. wonderful.

why did you choose your icon/pfp?

because my url is transalana and two of my most prominent lgbt headcanons are that alana beck is trans and a lesbian. i gotta be shouting out @kinqmike though bc she’s the one i adopted the trans alana beck headcanon from in the first place!

why did you choose your header?

in 2017 i was hyperfixating on Dear Evan Hansen (and Be More Chill, but there weren’t many gif-able videos then considering it ran for a month in New Jersey in 2015 and there was only one yet-to-resurface 35 minute bootleg) so i just grabbed a random gif off of google. i really should get to replacing it with a new header of my own though. i just don’t know what i should do for it.

what’s your post with the most notes?

i have lost track of how many notes it has (i think it’s somewhere around 200 now?) but when Will Roland and George Salazar performed Two Player Game on Good Morning America, i posted a screencap of their Jeremy and Michael along with that one quiz answer meme that says stuff like ‘i want to see it grow up healthy’. i didn’t tag it with any ship names or anything because i was anxious about having it show up in the tags, but somebody who reblogged it from me did tag it as boyf riends and i firmly believe it took off because of that. i don’t think i make posts that are relevant enough to amass thousands of notes, even by accident. which is probably a good thing bc if i did i would have to block so many of them.

how many followers do you have?

on this blog? 175 according to the counter. how many of those are still real people and how many are bots and abandoned accounts? i have no idea.

how many people do you follow?

i try to keep it somewhere around 200. i think i’m sitting at 180 right now but i kind of need to go through and clear out the really inactive blogs.

have you made a shitpost?

let’s think about this for a second. i’ve been on tumblr for nearly 10 years. you might even be able to say i’ve made more than one. they’re just not what you would call...popular shitposts.

how do you feel about ‘you need to reblog this’ post?

that stuff makes me so incredibly anxious that i have to fight the urge to want to yeet my laptop or mobile device through the closest window whenever i read it, so i try very hard to avoid any sort of ‘if you don’t reblog this, i’m judging you’ posts. i find them very manipulative and not particularly helpful

do you like tag games?

yeah babey!! i just frequently forget to do them, but please know that if you have ever tagged me in a tag game i felt incredibly touched by the gesture and the @mention even if i completely forgot to do the thing afterward

do you like ask games?

i do! but also rip to literally anyone who has ever sent me an ask meme bc it takes me so long to answer them. i’m still working on a micro fic prompt from a few weeks ago. also, horrified to realized that it has in fact been a few weeks and not 3 days anymore.

which of your mutuals do you think is tumblr famous?

i don’t know that any are tumblr famous as a whole. but probably @neverheardnothing

do you have a crush on a mutual?

in any sort of romantic connotation? no. not that i’m aware of. there are mutuals that i have friend crushes on where i want to be friends with them but i get so anxious when it comes to meeting new people that usually nothing ever comes of it. i’m really not good at small talk or other casual conversation either which, as you may or may not be able to imagine, sucks. i just wanna skip over all of the awkward introductions and ‘hey how are you, how is life, what are you doing with yourself?’ stuff. not because i don’t care about it. i do, but i think most of my friends/the people i want to be my friends are also depressed and anxious so asking these basic questions about life tends to uh. make us all nervous. and i don’t do much with my life so i always have the most boring answers anyways.

i’m not tagging anyone officially bc the @ thing has just completely given up on me at this point, but if you want to do it, go for it. and then say i tagged you so i can read it c:

[dailyaudiobible]

09/23/2021 DAB Transcript

Isaiah 41:17-43:13, Ephesians 2:1-22, Psalms 67:1-7, Proverbs 23:29-35

Today is the 23rd day in the month of September welcome to the Daily Audio Bible I’m Brian it is a joy and an honor to spend a few minutes of this day with you around this Global Campfire that we make each day, it's oasis to let God's word wash into our lives. And, so, let's take that next step forward together. We are working our way through the book of Isaiah in the Old Testament and we’re just getting going in the letter to the Ephesians in the New. We’re reading from the Evangelical Heritage Version this week. Isaiah chapter 41 verse 17 through 43 verse 13 today.

Commentary:

Alright. I want to just requote Paul in his letter to the Ephesians just a couple of verses today for us to look at. “Indeed, it is by grace you have been saved.” Like we could just sit there, and we should. We should take each part of this and just contemplate it at different points of the day. “It is by grace you have been saved through faith and this is not from yourselves, it is the gift of God.” Again, “this is not from yourselves, it is the gift of God not by works, so that no one can boast. For we are God's workmanship, created in Christ Jesus for good works, which God prepared in advance so that we would walk in them.” This is a reasonably well-known passage. You've probably heard it before, but have you ever just sat with it? “It is by grace you have been saved through faith and this is not from yourselves. It is the gift of God.” That is really really good news. That is the good news. You…you can't get good enough. You can't work yourself into this. That's not what's going on here. God is trying to offer a gift freely. Your part is to believe that the gift has been given and then life is transformed. And then what we do falls in line with who we are and who we are, according to Paul, is God's workmanship, created in Christ Jesus for good works. So, we can see that we have good work to do, and that good work is part of us being in Christ, But the fact that we can be in Christ, there is nothing we can do to make that happen other than believe because it is a gift, it does not come from ourselves. We cannot earn it in our own power, which also means this cannot be stolen from us. We could reject a gift. We could walk away and abandon the gift. We can treat a gift as it's…as if it's garbage but this gift is the restoration or renewal or re-creation, the making new of our inner selves. The transformation of our Spirit, the…the changing of who we truly are. Do we not spend our whole lives trying to tweak who we think we really are? And normally what we’re doing is trying to tweak our behavior, trying to tweak our personality so that it's more effective at coping with the world and getting people to do what we want them to do in some form or fashion, otherwise known as manipulation. What Paul is talking about here is so much deeper, so much deeper than all of that façade, all of that mask wearing. It is at the essence of what is core, what is deeply true of us, what is created in the image of God. This gift transforms us, changing everything about us, including what we do. There's like not a whole lot of better news than that. I mean would you rather have your…I mean this is an odd question…but the phone call that makes you rich or the awareness that you are being transformed into something that has the Spirit of the living most high God involved and within? I can't say much about the phone call that will make you rich but this second piece, this is already true. Let's spend some time contemplating it, contemplating this truth and what it might mean. That we can spend some time thinking about what this might mean, that we can live true, that this cannot be taken from us, that our identity no matter what anyone might say cannot be altered. We are children of God. Think about that today.

Prayer:

Holy Spirit, we invite You into that. It's the reality that's been spoken to us from the beginning. It's a reality that the Gospels reveal. You came and were willing to sacrifice Yourself in order to give us this gift. And yest we just kind of live as if it's just a thing, like it's just always been here, and it's just a thing. We’re just trying to figure it out and we’re just trying to be better when You have offered us the gift of utter and complete transformation if we will utterly and completely surrender to You. Come Holy Spirit, help us to think on these things today, we pray. In the name of Jesus, we ask. Amen.

Announcements:

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If you want to partner with the Daily Audio Bible, that can be done at dailyaudiobible.com or from within the app as well. On the web there's a link on the homepage. If you’re using the app, you can press the Give button in the upper right-hand corner, or the mailing address is PO Box 1996 Spring Hill Tennessee 37174.

And, of course, if you have a prayer request or encouragement there are number of ways to reach out. If you’re using the app, you can press the Hotline button. That's the little red button up at the top. You can't miss it. You can press that and share your story from wherever you are in the world or there are a number of telephone numbers that you can use depending on where you are. In the Americas 877-942-4253 is the number to call. If you are in the UK or Europe 44-20-3608-8078 is the number to dial. And if you are in Australia or the lands down under 61-3-8820-5459 is a number to call.

And that is it for today. I'm Brian I love you and I'll be waiting for you here tomorrow.

Community Prayer and Praise:

Hello, my DABalonians DABaruskis, my DABster's what's going down? This is Casey Sean Peirce from beautiful sunny Eloa. How are you today? I wanted everyone to join me in prayer if you could if you would be so kind for the beautiful Shemira Pierce my wife. Heavenly Father please bless Shemira and give her extra piece and extra joy and strength to…to do the things she needs to do in Jesus’ name. Amen. If anyone else wants to pray for her that’d be super cool. I'm not really that good at prayer. She recently quit doing all drugs and tobacco products and alcohol and she's got a lot of family issues that she's dealing with, that she's talking to a custody lawyer right now. We're handling a lot of kids in and out of the house and with different parents, her biological kids. Her mom lives with us. There was a reason she drank and did drugs, my wonderful wife and now that we don't that it kind of takes away what was protecting a lot of things that she needs to just overcome now. And, so, if anybody can help her with prayer to do the things that she needs to do that would be great. I love all you guys. God bless you and God bless your day.

Hey everybody my names Kara I live in North Carolina, and I just wanted to put in a prayer request for one of my friends. About 10 days ago she lost her son who's only 19 years old and it was very unexpected and suddenly. And his funeral was on Saturday. And I saw her for the first time since this has happened, and it just broke my heart to see her. And I just pray that she feels lifted up and comforted and finds peace. And I just I'm asking for all you guys to pray for her period she she's…she's having a hard time and she also has another son that's his…the other boy’s twin. So, I can imagine that would be very difficult. So, yeah if you guys could just pray for her and with her up, I would really appreciate it. I love this community and everything it stands for. And thank you Brian for having this community. It's definitely kept me going in difficult times. So, I appreciate it. Love you guys. Bye.

Heidi DAB family it's Shanda from South Dakota. I was doing my Bible study this morning and I felt prompted to call and ask for some prayer. We did our festival and it turned out great. Thank you for those prayers. However, my son was assaulted shortly after pretty badly. Had someone not stopped he feels like maybe he wouldn't have lived. And the people that are salted him are still threatening him. He feels like he needs to go buy a gun for safety. And I am praying for him. And I still have some fear. He's my baby. I'm just calling to ask for prayer for his safety. I'm just in this place of praying to the Lord and…and going back and forth. I trust the Lord and I trust His plan and I know He has plans for my son's life. I still just feel a little fear. I am praying for all of you, and I thank you so much for your prayers. Have a great day everyone.

Good morning, everybody this is God's Smile here. It's a beautiful morning and I just wanted to share a little…little __ I had with the Lord. As the lights are drawing in, I've noticed by the time I'm able to get down the stairs. And, you know, I only get about an hours’ light before I notice it starting to draw in. And I thought, wouldn't it be lovely if I could just get up in the mornings and be able to get downstairs physically. So, here I am at 9:00 o'clock in the morning. Thank you, Jesus for that. Isn't He great? He even hears the sighs of our heart. So, Brenda I would like to pray for you because you rang in about your mom in a nursing home and it's on lockdown due to COVID and it's not been easy on a dementia ward. And she's had a hard time remembering conversations and when she last saw your family. She loves the Lord. She's been a pastor’s wife for 35 years and she feels abandoned. Father God thank you that you’ve not abandoned Nancy. Thank you that Jesus lives inside her and Your precious Holy Spirit. Father I ask for Your peace to be…to abound Lord, that Your grace would impart Father and a stillness in Nancy's heart to know that everything's OK. And I know You do this with me Lord when I'm in distress and I have faith and trust in You that You will calm her and soothe her Lord and let her witness be from Brenda the next time she calls. And times ticking away and Bob’s chirping away. I'll have to go now guys. Kiss kiss. I love you. Bye-bye.

Good morning DAB family I've got a prayer request and also a praise report but before I start this story, I'm a bit sick so hopefully you can hear me OK, my voice sounds alright. But my praise report is that I…I got my university results back and I graduate with a first. And I can't even explain like. Like I got it like a week ago and every single day since, I just keep thinking about and I’m like oh my goodness, how on earth did I graduate with a first. Like so grateful, so happy and like I…I just owe everything to God because like if someone had told me I was going to graduate a first I would have been like oh, stop it. Believe it or not people said yeah you will, and I was just rolling my eyes like ok please like stop expecting so much from me. And I did. And I just…like it's honestly the weirdest feeling but like the best feeling at the same time. So, that’s some good news because I struggled a lot especially like balancing uni stuff and work. Well…I did it, but my prayer request is for my brother. He's just so lost. And like we had a conversation last night and it just honestly just made me really realize how lost he actually is, and it's just been on my mind like the whole night even when I was sleeping and when I wake up today. It's been on my mind like and like the love I have for my brother is so much like I don't love anyone else the same way that I love him, and I care for him, and I want him to add like have the best life he can possibly have. But like I just don't know what he's doing. And he's drifted so far away from God it's ridiculous. Like he's just…he's not even putting in any effort to spend time with Him. And like He's just doing…he's doing what he wants, and I don't know whether or not he cares that what he's doing is like not what he's supposed to be doing and if like…I just…I…I don't know but I just I guess I…I…I I'm just asking for you guys to pray for guidance and wisdom and for him to actually have a relationship with God…

[alonely-dreamer]

Dangerous Creatures | Chapter 27: All The Time We Waste

Summary: Mackenzie Alemaund is an unlucky 18 year old teenager whose life changes drastically after she gets kidnapped by two vampires and learns, in the same day, that she is not human.

Pairing: Elijah x OC

Words: 3266

A/N: Please, note that I am French so there might be some mistakes here and there.

Masterlist

Chapter 1 | Chapter 2 | Chapter 3 | Chapter 4 | Chapter 5 | Chapter 6 | Chapter 7 | Chapter 8 | Chapter 9 | Chapter 10 | Chapter 11 | Chapter 12 | Chapter 13 | Chapter 14 | Chapter 15 | Chapter 16 | Chapter 17 | Chapter 18 | Chapter 19 | Chapter 20 | Chapter 21 | Chapter 22 | Chapter 23: Part 1 | Chapter 23: Part 2 | Chapter 23: Part 3 | Chapter 24 | Chapter 25 (Part 1) | Chapter 25 (Part 2) | Chapter 25 (Part 3) | Chapter 26 (Part 1) | Chapter 26 (Part 2 & 3)

Seven days had come and gone since Mackenzie turned Cornelius and his manor into ashes. Seven days since they had to run away from the Forest. Seven days waiting for Heidi and Alexander to find them in Paris and tell them if Margo had condemned them to death.

Confined in their hotel for a week now, Mackenzie and Elijah hadn’t left their room, nor talked to anyone who wasn’t a hotel employee or from a delivery service. Shopping online had come handy, especially since all of their things were still in Germany. However, clothes seemed to be unnecessary now that Mackenzie spent her days in a robe, sitting by the window, looking at a grey and cold Paris.

She had thought, quite foolishly she would say, that the worst had gone. That she had been through enough terrible things, and that she would be able to live in peace from now on. But it appeared that her mother hadn’t quite delivered all of her secrets. Was there any good way to find out one’s mother didn’t die of cancer? Or that one’s ancestor had been killing his entire family in order to live longer? Who she thought was her only family left was only interested in her for her youth and powers. Well, he wouldn’t be hurting anyone else from now on. She wondered how many Fays he had killed or was planning to kill. Did his spells die with him? Or were all the remaining Fays in the Forest also going to die like her mother did? There was only one way to tell, and, according to Heidi, it could also save her life.

If one single Fay were spelled it would be proof of Cornelius’ plans and would prove Mackenzie’s innocence. It was up to her godparents to convince the queen that she had acted in self-defense. It would be hard, especially since Mackenzie had burnt all the evidence.

“What are you thinking about?” Elijah asked as he sat next to her by the window, handing her a hot cup of tea. She took it with both hands, welcoming the warmth invading her skin.

“I’m wondering how no one ever figured out how Cornelius managed to stay alive,” she answered with anger in her voice. “He was surrounded by the strongest witches who ever lived.”

“He was very clever. He had centuries to learn how to fool people. Besides, they probably thought he used the same spells they do. Margo has been around for a while too.”

“Heidi said they used magic to stay young. Cornelius was an elemental, he didn’t have magic.”

“Elementals have their own kind of magic, you know that. And he was a Fay, nature was his element. Witches know what herbs to use to slow down the effects of time.”

“And so did he,” she snarled. “But he chose to kill people instead.”

“Herbs wouldn’t have given him his victims’ powers and would’ve been less effective.”

“If he…” she paused.

“What’s wrong?”

She put the mug down on the table stand behind her before she stood up. “They’re here.”

A few seconds after she spoke, someone knocked on the door. Elijah stood up with a tightened heart, hoping whatever Margo had decided wouldn’t have him kill whoever would be coming after them, because no matter what happened now, he would protect Mackenzie until he was dead. And he couldn’t die.

He opened the door and found Alexander and Heidi standing on the other side. The Original had never seen such a serious look on the heretic’s face. Mackenzie appeared behind Elijah, making him step aside to allow their guests to enter.

“Did you just come out of the shower?” Heidi asked as Elijah closed the door behind them.

“No…”

“Then you should dress. It’s not a time to let yourself go,” the witch reprimanded Mackenzie’s lack of self-care.

“What did Margo say?” Elijah interrupted.

“She wasn’t happy,” Alexander replied. “She really liked Cornelius. Our accusations against him embarrassed her.”

“Queens don’t like to be embarrassed,” Heidi added. “She didn’t want to believe it, at first.”

“But?”

“Did you talk to everyone Cornelius could’ve hurt?” Mackenzie asked, afraid another Fay would die because of Cornelius’ evil ambitions.

“His spells died with him, fortunately,” Alexander said. “However, we were in luck.”

“The manor was badly burnt, completely destroyed, in fact. But we managed to salvage most of the basement.”

“Or what was left of it, at least.”

“Is Mackenzie in any danger from Margo?” Elijah asked, tired of all this chit-chat.

Alexander slid a hand in his jacket pocket and took out a letter from it. It bore Margo’s official seal.

“This is an official document banishing you two from the Forest,” he said as he handed it to him. Elijah quickly opened it and started reading it.

“It’s an order to kill!”

“If you ever step foot in the Forest,” Alexander nodded.

“Alex,” the witch reprimanded. “This isn’t funny.”

“I never said it was,” he shrugged as he took out another letter from his jacket.

“This is a royal pardon,” Heidi quickly said, reassuring both Mackenzie and her boyfriend.

“We found powder in the hallway of the castle, where you were taken,” Alexander explained. “It proved your version of events.”

“The powder matched a substance we found in Cornelius’ basement. Among other herbs and potions used to steal someone’s magic or render them unconscious.”

“We also found a few journals and grimoires. Most of them were burnt but we found names of several of his victims.”

“All Fays,” Heidi added. “All thought to have left the Forest at some point. We never knew what Cornelius was doing until last week. Margo…” she paused. “It was hard for her to admit you did a big service to the Forest. She wanted me to thank you for that.”

“She was good friends with Cornelius,” Alexander said. “He was her advisor and she trusted him. She’ll be in an awful mood for a while… Not sure I wanna go back there ‘till the next century,” he chuckled, however he was the only one finding amusement in this.

“So, she’s safe?” Elijah asked, wanting to make sure no one was coming after her.

“Mackenzie’s safe,” Heidi nodded.

“You’re a hero,” Alex informed her. “The entire elemental community of the Forest is very grateful for what you did.”

“I killed two people,” she reminded them. There was nothing to be grateful about.

“You saved countless of Fays from Cornelius,” Heidi told her. “Be proud of that.”

Proud? Mackenzie didn’t feel proud. But as her godmother thanked her on behalf of all Fays, she couldn’t stop thinking about those words Elijah had once told her, months ago: Robert was her first, but he wouldn’t be her last. And neither would Cornelius.

 ***

 Alexander and Heidi didn’t stay long in Paris. Despite his reluctance in going back to Germany, Heidi had no wish to be anywhere else than in the Forest. They had left behind them all of Elijah and Mackenzie’s luggage. All his suits and all her gowns. The scrolls, the spell books, the old grimoires...

The return of her clothes didn’t encourage her to put some on, and she spent an entire day in the same robe going through the boxes of books and other elemental related research. She didn’t speak much, and though Elijah wanted to help her, he didn’t know how. He didn’t know what she was looking for, or even if she was looking for anything at all. She obviously needed time. Time to reflect on Cornelius’ actions, and on her own. And he didn’t mind giving that to her, if it could help her, if that was what she needed.

Eventually, one morning, she came out of the bathroom wearing one of the fancy dresses she had found online that first week in Paris. It was a short white dress with a slightly rounded skirt. A pink, almost red, flower pattern was scattered all over it. She was wearing a pair of white sneakers and had pulled her hair up in a high ponytail. That day, Elijah recovered his smile, as did she.

They went on to explore Paris, a city Elijah knew well. He knew where to find all of the city of love’s secrets. The beautiful alleys harboring small yet interesting shops, the not so crowded yet delicious restaurants, the best yet deserted places to sit and rest and enjoy the view.

She didn’t speak much as they explored the capital, but she was in better spirit and Elijah was holding onto the little smiles she spared him here and there. They came, they saw, they conquered, and he felt like he had been talking for days on end without getting any answers from her, but he knew she was listening to his every word, trying to remember all of it, her eyes speaking for her, showing her fascination in the vampire’s knowledge.

It was the Louvre that fascinated her the most. Devouring every piece of art with her gorgeous sparkling brown eyes. It seemed Elijah had at least one thing to say about all of them. It was her favorite place in all of Paris, and they had come back every day for almost a week just to make sure they saw everything. At some point, they managed to make their way to the Mona Lisa, La Joconde, after waiting in line for almost an hour just to be able to catch a glimpse of it.

“I don’t get it,” she said, speaking her first words of the day, “it’s not even one of the best works in here.”

Elijah chuckled quietly. “You think it’s overrated?”

“It’s beautiful,” she shrugged. “But I don’t get what all the fuss is about.”

“I think I’ll agree with you on that,” he said, sliding his hand down her arm before intertwining his fingers with hers.

She squeezed his hand as she moved closer to him and they resumed their visit of the museum hand in hand. She absorbed everything he told her, every bit of information, even though she knew it would be impossible for her to remember it all. But she could try to at least learn the most interesting ones. They bought a bunch of pretty yet useless things in almost every gift shop and made a stop at one of the coffees where everything was ten times more expensive than decency demanded. The pastries were good, though, and they wouldn’t ruin the day by complaining.

That night, Mackenzie sat at the window again, her hair dripping wet, the robe absorbing every drop. She stared out the window, looking at the Eiffel Tower glowing in the night. Paris was pretty at night, she had to admit, all those lights made for a beautiful sight.

“You okay?” Elijah asked as he came to sit near her, at the other end of the window bench. He was wearing a casual black shirt and a pair of joggers.

“My feet hurt,” she smiled as she wrinkled her nose.

Elijah laid back on the wall behind him, picking up a pillow from the floor and sliding it between his back and the corner of the window. He took Mackenzie’s left foot and brought it to his knees, then started to massage it.

“We had a long day.”

“Yeah, it’s weird…”

“What’s weird?”

“I don’t feel tired.”

“Ah,” he smiled. “The night is young.”

“Do…” she paused. “Do you feel tired?”

He arched an eyebrow. “I’m a vampire. It takes a lot to wear me down.”

“I know, it’s just…”

“What?”

She sighed. “We’ve been here for almost three weeks now and… you haven’t fed since we left Germany.”

“Don’t worry about me,” he replied quickly. “I’m fine.”

“But…” she didn’t get the chance to finish as he pressed a sensitive part of the sole of her foot which made her breathe out and moan and relax enough to lay back against the wall. “You give me your blood every three days… you’re gonna need to feed at some point.”

“We ran out of blood bags.”

“You don’t need blood bags.”

“I’m fine.”

“I don’t mind…”

“No,” he said, firmly and categorically.

She sighed again as she removed her foot from his knees and sat up.

“Elijah, I really don’t mind.”

“It’s not up for discussion,” he said as he stood up.

She followed him.

“You give me your blood. Why can’t I help you for once?”

“I don’t want your help,” he told her dryly, louder than he intended it to be, making her jump slightly. “I’m sorry,” he whispered as he stepped towards her before taking her face in his hands. “You know what I mean.”

“I know you won’t hurt me.”

“You don’t know that. And neither do I. I’ve never had…,” he paused, “an ultimate’s blood. And judging by the mere smell of it… I know it’s a bad idea.”

“And I know it’s a bad idea for you not to feed.”

He closed his eyes, trying to fight back the temptation, the hunger.

“Elijah,” she whispered. She put her hands over his and moved them away from her face. “I know you’re in pain, I can see it. And I like it as much as you like seeing me suffer. Let me help you. Please.”

“You’re not a blood bag and I don’t want to treat you like one.”

She smiled, then placed her hands on both sides of his face as she tiptoed to rest her forehead against his. He leaned over, his eyes shut as if not seeing her would make it easier to ignore her proposition.

“Let me help you.”

He hesitated for a long moment during which she had started moving her thumbs over his cheeks.

“You’ll push me away if I can’t stop myself.”

“I will,” she nodded.

“You can’t let me hurt you.”

“You won’t.”

“Promise me,” he said as he gently seized her wrists. “Promise me you will stop me.”

“I promise.”

She felt his warm breath on her face as he released her wrists. His lips came crashing onto hers almost immediately, surprising her, but not enough that she didn’t kiss him back. She felt his hand on the back of her thigh and she instinctively wrapped her arms around his neck. He lifted her up quickly only to lie her down on the bed in the next second. The sudden and rapid movement made her gasp. Elijah started kissing her chin, then her throat, then her shoulder. Her robe was undoing itself; the belt had given up. Her eyes grew big as she felt his lips travel down in areas no one had been before. She was only wearing a silk top and the matching underwear, a gift from Margo, or Heidi, she couldn’t remember, that was too revealing to wear alone, so she always put on the robe to stay decent.

Elijah’s fingers were now on her skin as well and she drew a deep breath when she felt them open up the robe. He found the strap of the pale pink lingerie top and let go of it just to make his fingers slide down her body to her bare stomach. His large hand then found her waist and his thumb started caressing her skin. His lips came back up to her throat, then her chin, just to find her lips again. She placed her left hand on the top of his arm, the one he had on her waist, and slid her other hand in his hair.

He broke the kiss, allowing her to breathe again, just to take her breath away all over again as he said three words she had longed to hear.

“I love you.”

She stared at him in awe. The last ten months came back to her in flashbacks, reminding her of how it had come to this, making her wonder what she had done to deserve him. She loved him too, and she had known it for a while, and all she had hoped for was that he felt the same way. All she had hoped for was that he loved her as much as she loved him. And she wondered if he knew how much she cared for him.

“I love you so much it hurts,” she replied in a whisper and with tears in her eyes.

Her answer seemed to please him as he kissed her again. Hungrily, needily, lovingly. He had understood her perfectly, because he felt the same way. It hurt to love someone that much. Because if either one of them lost the other it would kill them too. They belonged to each other, and they couldn’t survive without one another. They needed each other, like they were a part of them, and they were. They were a part of their heart, their reason to live, their reason to get up in the morning, their reason to smile. She was the reason why he had become immortal. Because he had to live that long to meet her. She made his life worth it. She was worth all the pain and all the hurt. He would do it all over again to be with her. A thousand years of disappointment, betrayal and loneliness, just to be with her. Because she needed him too. Because he was her reason to live, to go on. He was her person, her best friend, her everything. He had saved her, and he would keep saving her. Every minute of every day, she lived it all for him, and thanks to him.

His hand left her waist to go higher, sliding beneath the silk. She gasped as his thumb caressed her nipple, but he didn’t stop, and she didn’t want him to stop. She would give him everything, because she was his, just like he had already given her everything, because he was hers.

 ***

 The room was dark, the only source of light coming from the streetlamps and invading the bedroom through the small gaps in the curtains. Mackenzie was sleeping in a black shirt too big for her, Elijah’s bare arms wrapped around her as he had brought her to him. It wasn’t late, wasn’t even midnight yet, when the phone rang. It woke him up first, perhaps because it was his phone. He tried to gently move away from Mackenzie, as to not wake her, but as he sat up, and his feet reached the ground, he heard her move, and she turned on the lamp on the nightstand.

“Who is it?” she asked groggily as she rubbed her eyes.

He didn’t reply as he picked up and gave her an answer as he greeted his sister through the phone.

“Rebekah?”

Mackenzie moved towards him, placing a kiss on his right shoulder blade before wrapping her arms around his bare chest and resting her chin on his shoulder. But she felt something was wrong as his body tensed up and she let go of him and moved to sit beside him. The look on his face confirmed her doubts and she now worried about Rebekah and started to wonder if Elena had once again tried something to hurt Elijah’s family.

“We’ll be on the next flight,” Elijah said in a small voice, one she wasn’t used to hearing.

“What is it? What happened?” she asked, panicked by the look on his face.

“It’s Kol,” he said, his voice cracking. “He’s dead.”

**********

Thank you for reading! I hope you liked it!!

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Have a great week!

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[whatsseobb]

More Than Meets The Eye (Crystal x Gigi Fanfic) - Chapter 4

AO3 Link

[A/N: Thank you for patiently waiting for the updates. It’s still going to be slow for now but I’m trying my best to be quick with it. Thank you!

I hope you enjoy this fic and leave me your thoughts!!]

Synopsis:

Too bad that you couldn’t see See the girl Crystal could be There is more that meets the eye I see the soul that is inside~

Based from Avril Lavigne’s Sk8ter Boi but with different twists.

Chapter Four - Here’s To Never Growing Up  “Oh Gigi, you’re here too. What’s up with you? I watched your show back then in Chicago with Crystal and Lux and you are as graceful as always. Right, Crys?” The dark-haired girl, Daya, complimented Gigi as she dropped her hands to the side before fixing Crystal’s crooked jacket on top of her shoulder.

“Yeah” was the only thing that came out of Crystal’s lips as she stubbed out the cigarette on her hand before throwing it to a nearby trash bin.

Gigi looked at the two and gave them her kind smile wordlessly. She and Daya were not the closest in the bunch but they were at least civil with one another. It had been like that ever since they all first met and the two were comfortable with the silence they both shared. No one questioned it though since they would at least talk from time to time when they met with the group. They were not just the ones who had time nor made time to hang out outside their crew with just the two of them.

“The program’s about to start in a few minutes. See you inside?” Daya hooked her arm over Crystal’s as she waved the blonde goodbye before heading inside with the blue-haired girl.

Gigi’s eyes were locked on the back of the girl wearing the shimmering jacket, watching as she walked away with the vocalist. She let out a gloomy exhale as her head dropped, looking at the floor beneath her. She checked her phone one more time, looking at her contacts list until she reached the letter C. Her thumb hovered over a specific name before she pressed the lock button and proceeded back to the event hall.

 “Where have you been, Geege? I didn’t even notice that you went outside.” Jan asked as the taller blonde sat beside her. She grabbed her glass of water and took a sip, putting her phone on top of the table before turning to Jan.

“I got a call and answered it outside. Was I gone for too long?”

“Don’t think so. Who was the call from? Is it from someone special?” Jan muttered in a singsong-y voice as she nudged the girl beside her.

“I don’t have someone special.” Gigi matched her with a singsong-y tune as well, gaining a giggle from the smaller blonde.

“Not yet…” She teased as she fed herself some fries from her plate. “Anyway, I saw Crystal and Daya coming from where you came from. Were you with them?” The smaller blonde pointed her chin towards the entrance where Gigi walked through after she got some fresh air outside. She nodded her head as she stuff her mouth with some food, mirroring her friend’s action.

“Oh. I thought you two had the chance to talk,” said Jan. It had been a long time since the two had a time just their own or even just talk privately. After their high school graduation, most of them parted ways and only got to talk during special occasions. Gigi and Crystal were never given a chance during those special occasions to have a decent conversation. The blonde was somehow relieve that the skater girl even tried to have a small talk with her during their short moment outside the building, away from their friends. If it wasn’t cut off by Daya, Gigi thought she might have gotten out the courage to discuss things with the other girl. But the odds wasn’t in their favour that night… Or so she thought.

Her train of thoughts were broken when Daegen tapped her in the shoulder, before she wrapped her fingers around her petite wrist, pulling her to follow her. She was led onto the dance floor in the middle of the area, in front of the stage. It was now full of people, drinks in their hand, as they all gathered to dance to the song being played by the live band. As a privilege of knowing the band playing, the group of girls stood in front to show support to their vocalist friend. Gigi stood beside her friends who excitedly scream as if they were in a concert.

She didn’t even notice the program starting nor heard the host say his greetings. She was too preoccupied with her thoughts, especially with her missed chance with the sapphire-haired girl just a few moments ago. Questions clouded her mind about what she would say to the girl or how she was going to bring up the topic that had been bothering her all these years.

As if at war, her thoughts and the blasting music coming from the speakers were battling on Gigi’s mind, trying to dominate each other. They were all screaming inside her head as regret started to consume her. She felt dismay that she didn’t communicate immediately nor say the things she really wanted to say. It was all the things that she tried to suppress all these years, coming back to her as she saw Crystal once more. The image of Crystal in front of the stage, staring right back at Daya as she perform didn’t help Gigi at all. The tall blonde just stood there, motionlessly, as she watched her watch the other lady. There was a slight pinch felt on her chest, some sensation at the pit of her stomach that she can’t explain and tried her best to ignore.

Her body was being shook as her friends cheered louder when Daya called their group. “I dedicate this next song to my girlfriends! I love you all!”

The instruments started playing one by one, the drummer focusing on the beats, swishing and throwing his ginger locks back as he played the drum, some girls screaming at his beauty, the bassist strumming the bass guitar, looking at a random guy from the audience and giving him a wink which earned another loud shriek from the random guy’s group of friends, the one playing the keyboard locked her eyes at the instrument but would time to time glance at the audience, as the vocalist started singing.

[cue Here’s To Never Growing Up by Avril Lavigne]

Singing Radiohead at the top of our lungs

With the boom box blaring as we're falling in love

I got a bottle of whatever, but it's gotten us drunk

Singing here's to never growing up~

 The bunch of girls were singing along to Daya’s song, slightly jumping up and down as they rocked with the vocalist. They knew all the lyrics of the song as they were fully supporting their friend’s career throughout the years. It wasn’t as if they were forced to do it just because Daya was their friend and she was part of the band but it was due to their unspoken love for one another. They were really there for each other throughout the years even though they were miles apart.

The smaller blonde, Jan, was beside Heidi at the left part of the stage when she glanced to her right and saw the Persian girl looking down at her phone, probably checking up emails from her clients. She approached her slowly, taking her device away before leaning close to her ear to speak. “Since when do we work when we’re out in a party? Come on, have fun!”

“Well, I had a lot of unfinished work at home and this client has been bugging me all weekend.” Jackie responded, her face close to Jan as she whispered loudly over the music.

“Come on, it’s the weekend. Why are you letting them bother you? You should’ve closed your emails and left your laptop alone over the weekend. Get yourself some rest, girl!”

“Bu-“

“No buts. Come on, tonight is your off-night. You are free to do whatever you want. You, more than anyone in the world, deserve it.” Jan threw her hands to the air as she bopped to the band playing.

Jackie shook her head with a foolish grin on her face as she glanced at Jan standing beside her, lip syncing along the lyrics that the band was performing. She traced her face on her forehead, down to the slope of her nose, to her plump nude lips that were forming the words from the song. Looking at Jan kicked some unnamed yet eerily familiar feeling on her chest. She was caught off guard when the blonde beside her gave her a slight nudge, bumping her shoulder into her as she signaled her to just let loose and have fun.

The Persian swayed her head quickly as if trying to shake off the thoughts running in her mind. She wrapped an arm around Jan’s waist, pulling her closer to her as she threw her fist to the beat of the song, letting the melody flow through her, following the advice of the girl beside her.

  Monday After the High School Party, 2009

 The school’s dance troupe assembled at the dance studio near the gymnasium during their free period as they focused on their dance rehearsal for the upcoming dance competition. They were all still waiting for the choreographer to arrive and so they all grouped with their friends and did some warm-ups.

Widow, Jan, Heidi, and Gigi occupied the front corner of the room near the mirrors as they helped each other stretch their muscles to get ready with their rehearsals. It was the first time they met again after the party they attended last Friday night as well as the small one they had by the cliff with their new group of friends.

“Am I the only one who was reprimanded by my mother for staying up too late? I mean I informed her but she still got mad at me. Oh, poor Heidi.” The curly-haired girl dramatically said, placing a palm on her chest as she acted feeling bad for herself. The girls laughed at her, Jan even throwing her towel at her jokingly.

“My dad thought I was with a guy that’s why I went home late.” Jan rolled her eyes before glancing at her reflection on the mirror, fixing her blonde hair and tying it up into a high ponytail.

“What guy? You and a guy? I didn’t know miracles are real. Unless we consider Jackie a guy but that is very unlikely.”

“Excuse me, Ms. Drama Queen. I can get a guy if I want to. And, what’s wrong with Jackie? She seems great. I like being around her.” Jan shot her a playful look. Gigi’s giggle was silently heard from their corner as she watched her two friends banter against each other.

Heidi shrugged. “Well, I saw her earlier talking to this guy from our Math class. She seems to be flirting real well with him. They look cute together.” Unknowingly to Jan, her bottom lip slightly pushed forward into a pout after hearing what her friend mentioned.

“But seriously, I didn’t expect to have that much fun last weekend.” The shorter blonde commented, sitting down on the floor to stretch her legs.

“You sure did, Jan. The small tree by the cliff didn’t though.” Widow chimed in, helping Jan by slightly pushing her back closer to the floor.

“Oh gosh, I do remember that. Poor Jackie, she had to be the one to hold your hair back.” The curly-haired girl mentioned. “Hey, do you remember when you were screaming at this twig because you almost tripped?”

“Wait what? That’s funny.” The taller blonde held on to her tummy as she laughed at what Heidi shared, pausing to look at Jan and then continued on giggling louder.

“You didn’t see that? Where were you that time?” Widow asked as she stood up and helped the shorter blonde up as well.

“She was with that blue-haired skater girl.” Heidi said, nudging an elbow to Gigi.

The taller blonde’s eyebrows furrowed as she turn to look at Heidi. “Is that what Crystal’s nickname is?”

“Apparently. As I have heard around. I’m surprised you didn’t know. You two seem close though.”

Gigi’s face lit up a bit, a smile forming at the corner of her lips as she was reminded of that night. “She seems nice. She let me use her jacket because it was too cold. Didn’t you notice it was quite cooler than the other nights now?”

Her friends went quiet for a second before shaking their head. They all looked at the ballerina, concern surrounding the atmosphere around the four young girls.

“Hm? Is something wrong? Why are you all looking at me like that?” Gigi was faced with a worried look from Jan, a stern face from Widow and a tap on the arm from Heidi. She tilted her head to the side in confusion, trying to calculate her friends’ reaction.

“I’ve heard she’s always been caught in trouble ever since 7th grade.” Heidi was the first to speak up after a few seconds of silence.

“Did she offer you her cigarette? Did she give you anything other than the jacket?” Jan added, holding Gigi by her arms carefully.

Heidi chimed in, adding another comment about the sapphire-haired girl. “I heard she is always caught sleeping in class like she doesn’t even care. Plus her hair is quite weird.”

“What we mean is that… just be careful around her. She looks tough and is always in trouble. We just want you to be safe.” Their leader clarified, offering a kind smile towards Gigi’s direction. “I do think her friends are really good people. I’m just not sure about this one. Just be careful.”

“But I told you, she’s nice. She didn’t pressure me to use her cigarette. Don’t you worry, I can take care of myself. Plus she’s not as hard and tough as she appears to be.” A small pout pushed on Gigi’s lips as she remembered the thoughtful girl she met last Friday night. She was getting worried because of her friends’ warnings against the girl. It was consuming her thoughts, making her curious yet cautious of who Crystal really was. Gigi valued her friends’ words so much that she couldn’t take it off her mind. It didn’t help when Lux came into their rehearsal, holding a huge notebook. She was once reminded of Lux’ unusual and odd friend.

 At lunch, the dancers sat by the middle of the cafeteria. Gigi, Jan, Heidi and Widow were eating and chatting with each other when a tray dropped on top of the table followed by a bunch of girls sitting beside them on any seat they found vacant. The taller blonde looked up in surprise to see the sapphire-haired girl sitting across from her. They exchanged a small smile before Gigi looked away as she remembered her friends’ warning. She looked down on her food and continued to eat in silence.

“Hey bitches. How was your weekend?” Daegen said as she sat beside Heidi, putting her bag of food down.

“I wasn’t able to move the whole weekend. Our small party was awesome.” Crystal added.

The Persian girl stood by the edge of the table, clearing her throat. “What my friends meant was to ask if we can sit with you all today for lunch.” She met Jan’s eyes who motioned for her to take the seat beside her.

“Yes, of course! How have you been? Girl, that was a fun weekend. Thanks to you guys.” Widow complimented as she offered her juice box towards Lux when she noticed she was just eating a few slices of apples.

“Wait, where’s Daya?” The shorter blonde looked up to search for their other dark-haired friend who was nowhere in sight.

Crystal put down her phone and announced to the group. “Daya’s running late. She’s still with her band. They’re not yet done practicing.”

“Has she eaten anything? Earlier, I saw her running on the corridors because she was late for class.”

“I’ll bring her food later.” Crystal mentioned before she focused on her food. She glanced at the blonde girl in front of her, shoving her plate of cheese fries which she gratefully denied with a “thanks.” The blue-haired teenager just shrugged before offering it to the group.

Their table went silent as the team of football players passed by. A dark blond teenager muttered a small hi and gave a wave with his hand as he saw the blonde ballerina. Gigi looked up in silence before giving him a wave in return. Meanwhile, Daegen’s ex paused for a bit to talk to the pink-haired teenager but the girl was just looking at her friends and continued with her food in peace. When the guy walked away, Lux noticed Daegen rolling her eyes, letting out a soft giggle.

“Fuck him.” The pink-haired teenager muttered under her breath as she squeezed onto her sandwich a little too hard, the ingredients spilling slightly onto the table.

“Did he contact you after the party?” Heidi asked, patting her on the back.

“He tried but the damage had already been done. Plus, I don’t deserve that piece of shit.” The table echoed yeahs and cheers for their broken-hearted friend.

“Anyway, who was the Gigi?” Lux said, clasping her hands and resting her elbows on top of the table as she reminded her of the guy who approached them.

“Wait. Isn’t that Eli, the quarterback who accidentally flashed us with his gorgeous abs last football match?” Daegen asked, putting her phone down as she shoved some of her burger inside her mouth. Gigi nodded slowly, trying to remember that incident. “Wow. Didn’t know you’re friends with him. Is he single? Do you know his number?”

“So what happened to ‘I’ll focus with myself, no dating, and self-love first’? All gone?” Heidi’s comment gained loud chuckles from the group.

They all continued with their lunch, chatting a bit more about their weekends and their earlier classes.

 A few minutes before lunch was over, Jackie pulled out a small box from her bag. Lux, Daegen, and Crystal’s eyes brightened up as they saw what Jackie brought out.

“What’s that?” asked Jan as she pointed out to the small box on Jackie’s hands beside her.

“Well, it’s nearing Christmas and ever since first year, we’ve been picking names to exchange gifts with. Well, other than the small gifts we make each other every year. Do you girls want to join us? The more, the merrier!” The Persian girl exclaimed as she nudged Lux to get a paper to write down the names of the rest of the group.

“That would be fun!” The shorter blonde beside her clasped her hands together in glee as she watched Lux write down their names.

“So, we’re just exchanging gifts? Do we have to give a wish list or anything to the person who picked our name?” Heidi tilted her head to the side, curious at how their small Christmas even took place.

Lux chimed in. “Every year, we have a theme. Last year it was something sparkly. I got this one.” She pointed on the clip on her hair, a butterfly-shaped accessory surrounded by shiny glitter.

“What is this year’s theme then?” It was the first time they heard Gigi’s voice for that day, earning some surprised looks from the new friends.

“You talk? I didn’t know you have a voice.” Daegen commented, earning laughs from their table. Gigi giggled alongside with them. “I must still be drunk then.”

“This year we were thinking of something colorful or snuggly. Which one would you girls prefer?” Jackie turned to look at Widow, anticipating her to answer for her group. The dance captain looked around her friends before answering.

“Something colorful seems cute. Let’s have that for this year.”

“Colorful it is! Okay, thank you Lux.” Jackie shook the small box in her hands after the shorter girl put in the names of the members of their group. She opened the lid and passed down the box, watching her friends get excited for picking up names for their exchange gift. “Okay, I suppose this extra paper here is for Daya. Crystal, give this to her later. And I hope no one got their own name. Check your papers.”

Everyone checked the small piece of paper on their fingers, doing it discreetly while trying to hide it from the person sitting next to them. Eyes were shot across the table as they glanced at the person they picked.

Crystal opened the small piece of paper in her hand before folding it again. She glanced at another paper in front of her, the one who will have Daya as their Secret Santa. She secretly opened it up under the table. A small smile crept on her face before she kept her piece of paper inside her pocket. She looked at Daya’s paper once more before keeping it on her notebook, attaching it at the back with a tiny paper clip.

The name of the girl who now had the sapphire-haired girl as her Secret Santa was none other than Gigi.

[wizardrywilting]

my favorite quotes from give me silence

ch. 1:  Let her rephrase, a very pretty Muggle girl named Eloise Mary Howard. --- It should be noted that Lydia was mentally compiling her will. --- Arthur Weasley was running towards her, dressed in some combination of a pantsuit and clown costume. --- Immediately, they covered the pranking product they’d been working on with a quilt, this catching it on fire. --- The twins snapped their gazes to each other, then jumped up and grasped hands. They jumped, the wooden floor thudding beneath them. By the time they had finished cheering and jumping, Mrs. Weasley had hollered at them twice, Percy yelled four times, and Lydia was blushing. --- Fred set his chin in his hand. “Tell us everything .” --- “Ginny! You don’t knock on strangers’ doors!” --- (Yes, Colin did get a photo of Neville licking a napkin, stress written on his face. It was hilarious.) --- “You’re the oldest of us, which means you’re the responsible ones.” The twins looked horrified at the idea, and Lydia laughed herself silly. --- Even though it was so cute and honestly, the fur would be cheaper to knit than yarn was - that is to say, on the way back home Chio had already shed enough for them each to have a handful of fur. --- Neville had glitter on his eyebrows, and he was attempting to blink it away from his eyes, face contorting in funny ways. Chio’s fur was doused in blue and purple glitter. Lydia herself had glitter in a smattering of multicolored freckles across her nose and cheeks.  ---

ch. 2:  “If you need me to pick the liquor cabinet’s lock I know how.” --- Mrs. Weasley sighed. “Did they break a window?”  “Uh...We fixed it?”

---

Where Lydia came from, albeit not a traditional family, you learned knife tricks and pressure points to incapacitate someone.

---

“I know. We just never see eye to eye.”

 “No one can meet your eye, you’re too tall.”

---

 “Have good, British dreams, Lydia.”

---

But we’re not...not that.”

 “Of course not, she’s only thirteen. But dear, perhaps you should acknowledge that you fancy her. Merlin knows we all noticed.”

---

It was, quite frankly, concerning. Was this a heart attack?

---

Fred was chuckling, the prat. “Just glad to see you, his brain cells have given up. Wait a minute.”

---

Was she seriously apologizing for a hug? What?

---

“Merlin, I miss you. It was so boring with all the boys. I think I lost some estrogen.”

---

 “Lydia, love, you look like a pixie.”

---

ch.3:

She had wanted to stay behind and ask a few questions, maybe pull out her pocket knife, the usual sort of thing, when she noticed Neville struggle to stand, shaking like a fucking tree branch during a tornado.

---

“Neville, I would make God bleed for you.”

---

Were they twice her size? Yes. Would she still rip them a new one? Absolutely.

---

What right did a little kid with blood in her teeth and something called an ele-friend have to her heart?

---

Madam Pomfrey was smiling at her. Lydia didn’t like it.

---

Sighing, Madam Pomfrey faced Lydia again. “As you were deflecting?”

---

It was a nice painting, surprisingly well done. Lydia’s face was in the foreground, getting smacked in the face by Natalie’s wand, while the girl herself was cheering in the background. The blood on her face was surprisingly realistic. Up in the top left corner, Natalie’s attackers were out cold, various painted injuries littering their bodies.

Lydia felt strangely warm.

---

Lydia beamed. “It’s more like insane. To be stupid you have to have brains. Luckily, I left mine in the dorm today.”

---

 “You called her Minnie.”

Lydia quickly realized her mistake.

 “N-No, I didn’t!”

 “You did,” they sang, “You called her Minnie! We’re rubbing off on you!”

---

Poppy smiled and thus began their weekly gossip. She did so love this child. If only she could tell her.

---

ch. 4:

As with every other Halloween, really the day must be cursed, things go to shit.

---

That does beg the question, why are magical people so determined to risk their lives? Is it a universal thing?

---

Was it petty? Absolutely. Had she gotten caught yet? Of course not, who did you take her for, Parkinson?

---

Harry shrieked like a mandrake, and Lydia quickly sent a spell to silence him.

---

“You. You’re a girl.”

She raised her eyebrow at the log-turned-Sirius-Black. “And you’re not a dog anymore. I’m glad we’ve established that.”

---

He paled a little at her smile, and stepped backwards. “I’ll uh, I got nothing. Oh, look, Sirius! Let’s shift focus to him.”

---

Something seemed to click. “So you’re the kid that sent me a letter with threats.”

---

“First of all, you’re terribly hard to kill, Harry,” Lydia sighed, shifting to sit more directly in front of the fire, “Secondly, think about this. There’s a couple hundred more students than normal, and everyone thinks the kids underage are safe, because why would Dumbledore’s magic ever be faulty? There’s a fourteen year old kid, he looks pretty defenseless, especially now that he’s been lulled into a false sense of security. He probably thinks he’s safe, with the age spell and loads more people that could protect him if Voldemort gets inside Hogwarts again. This would be the perfect time to strike - lots of people to blame, a tournament that could be found at fault, and an old man’s magic coincidentally not working. I’m just saying, if someone’s been after you for awhile and hasn’t succeeded...now’s the time.”

Sirius chuckled nervously. “You’re not a Slytherin are you?”

---

“Are they being mean again?”

 “Who’s they? I don’t know anyone named They. What a weird name, They-”

---

Aria sighed and flopped onto a space between the bridge’s arch where there was a bench. Colin grabbed her elbow so she didn’t do something stupid like fall through. That had to be a safety hazard, right? Was there no safety inspector for Hogwarts?

---

It seems like Ginny was going to get to try out that new boils curse she’d just learnt after all.

---

It was very hard being a Triwizard contestant. Well, that was kind of a lie, and Cedric didn’t lie. Unless it was to tell his dad he was excited for a Ministry job, that is.

---

There were downsides to being a Triwizard Champion too, of course.

-There’s barely any time for friends.

-No alone time.

-Mum cries whenever she sees you, you’re not sure if she’s proud or scared.

-There’s potential for trauma, but hey, it’s writing material.

-You could die or be seriously injured. You’re trying not to think about that.

-The other Hogwarts champion was entered without their own free will and now might be getting bullied and you feel overwhelmed with the guilt.

---

“Cut ‘im some slack, Lyn. He’s got so much to worry about. His adoring fans, for example.”

---

She slugged his arm. “Don’t get smart with me, your job is to be pretty. It’s Lydia’s job to be smart.”

---

George nodded at the three Hufflepuffs. “Pretty Boy, Pretty Boy’s friends.”

---

 “I stand by what I said, purple glitter jazzes up my comforter.”

---

 “Lydia, how are we gonna get down six floors?”

Lydia snorted. “Prayer, Colin. I’m personally praying to Yoshi.”

---

“You know you need the sleep, young lady. Now, fret until ten o’clock.”

As Madam Pomfrey left, covering the snoozing Colin with a blanket, she heard a mutter. “I don’t fret.”

---

ch. 5:

Heidi glared, picking up her cup full of ice cubes and popping one into her mouth with a loud crunch.

---

“Might as well break the rules for a good cause, right?”

---

Ginny gasped. “Oh no, am I gay? I feel gay.”

---

George is running away from the Durmstrang students, and I should go save him before he gets mauled. I told him not to charm their hair and skin orange, but he didn’t listen.

---

Oh, is that Hermione sounding disappointed? Surprising.

---

Glancing to where Alicia and Katie had been flirting all afternoon, she winked.

---

“I set the books to become inanimate again when he apologized to Hermione.”  “He, ah, refused to until blood started dripping into his socks.”

---

“he won’t let me go with Priscilla.”

Ginny leaned across the table. “You mean Lee’s tarantula?”

Lee nodded. “Match made in heaven, I say. But you know how it is, star crossed lovers and all.”

Ginny blinked very slowly for a moment and then left for the Ravenclaw table, shaking her head. 

---

 “Our little snake.”

 “Already sneaking around the rules at such a young age.”

 “I’m fifteen! ”

 “Our little-”

 “-tiny baby rebel. My, how they grow up.”

 “Just yesterday you were learning manipulation. And now, you’re sneaking into a dance.”

---

Finally, George said, “What’s the solution? I’m begging you Lydia, help me.”

She stared him in the face and said, “Aren’t beggars usually on their knees?”

---

 “New plan, because you’re as graceful as Hagrid’s skrewts.”

---

“This is your karma for that idiotic stunt with the dragon.”

 “Are you ever letting that go?”

 “I will when you stop flirting with Death.”

 “I don’t flirt, I tease. There’s a difference.”

---

“Hey Freddie, do you think your mum would be upset if I told her I want to drop out?”

 “Do you?”

 “Kind of. We could get a head start on that joke shop of yours.”

 “With what money?”

She shrugged, finally tearing her gaze back to his. “I guess how all poor people get money - struggling. It's just...I want to be with you and George, where nobody else matters.”

---

ch. 6:

She hoped Luna liked the earrings made from orange skins, it seemed her style and had made Lydia’s fingers sting when juice seeped into a few paper cuts.

---

Ginny barely gave her finger guns before she was sprinting.

---

“Is that allowed?”

 “Probably not,” Colin admitted, then shrugged. “But since when do we adhere to those silly things?”

---

 “Hi, you’re that scary snow white girl Colin’s always talking about, right?”

---

“Ready to piss off some purebloods?”

Ginny grinned like she had just hexed someone. “Oh Lydia. I was born to piss of purebloods.”

---

The night hasn’t gone devastatingly wrong as of yet, and Lydia supposes that’s all she could expect without sacrificing her soul or something.

---

Lydia briefly wonders if she’s just doomed Hogwarts to a fate of destruction. She figures it will be fine. Probably. Maybe.

---

A loud bell rings over the music, startling the band so badly a tambourine gets thrown and hits Professor Snape in his hooked nose.

---

Lydia cuffed his shoulder. “I know damn well your mum didn’t raise you to ignore a beautiful girl, Ron Weasley!”

---

They were all rushed to bed as soon as they got back to the Burrow, the car having malfunctioned and it already being near dawn by time Mr. Weasley learned they were accidentally in the Netherlands rather than England. (How that happened Lydia didn’t know. She’d fallen asleep against George’s shoulder after the fifth hour driving.)

---

She pauses in her unwrapping a little, and she mentally screams.

Look, she’s paranoid and mind reading is possible.

---

  ‘No way!’

 ‘Shut up.’

 ‘How come you fancy him and not me?’

 ‘Shut up!’

---

She began to mentally sing. ‘LA LA LA LA.’

---

ch. 7:

George had the big mouth, and often didn’t bother listening. It was as if he had one functioning ear, and he simply didn’t bother to use it.

---

The things he’d seen...it made him want to set something in fire, or smash something. Neither were an option though, as his mum really liked their curtains and dishes, so he stewed in the feeling.

---

This is how she should be - chasing him with giggles and hexes falling from her lips.

---

“ Ced got high and went swimming with his egg so the task is probably something to do with water. “

---

Sirius, honestly, is not having a good day. Or a good thirteen years, really. The things he looks forward to are rats, pets from nice villagers, and seeing his godson.

---

Ron snorted. “You reckon they think we’re all going in the cave to snog - OW, Hermione!”

---

“Your idiot godson - sorry, totally intelligent and not at all stupid godson -

---

Harry is pouting, and it’s the cutest goddamn thing Sirius has ever seen.

---

As Lydia runs to catch up with the other three, Sirius can hear Hermione demanding what the letter said, and Lydia saying, “If I told you I’d have to kill you. May I tell you?”

---

ch. 8:

She didn’t regret it, a little suspicion of authority figures was healthy.

---

“I’m surprised you weren’t born on a broomstick.”

George sighed with faux disapproval. “I wish I’d been.”

---

“No, you’re pretty...uh, good. You’re pretty good. You don’t have any...toothpaste.”

She laughed again, and George prayed for a sinkhole.

---

He fancied Lydia, and he was totally screwed.

Lydia was by his side every day of the year, basically.

She spent summers at the Burrow, save for those in the States, and they went to school together!

Oh Merlin. If his siblings (read: Ginny) found out they’d be insufferable! No. She couldn’t find out.

---

Katie grabbed her arm and pulled Lydia to her own chest, telling Alicia, “Love, time for Bear Protocol.”

Alicia, apparently doing what Bear Protocol meant, kicked Lee. “Bear Protocol. Now.”

Immediately, the debate cut off, and the twins slid close together, blocking anyone seeing Lydia from behind them. Lee did the same from her right side, and the three Chaser girls did so on her left.

---

 “Why aren’t you in class - oh goodness, what’s this?” Professor McGonagall, for her part, looked about as alarmed as one could make her.

---

Professor Flitwick simply levitated her and told Professor McGonagall, “Alert her professors she won’t be in lessons today, won’t you? I’m sure Poppy will want to keep her for quite a while.

Professor McGonagall sighed slightly but nodded, mumbling something that said an awful lot like, “Attached much?”

ch. 9:

Fred is pretty sure the detention was just for appearances sake, because when they got to Professor Flitwick’s classroom he had pretended to be disappointed, but when Lydia smiled at him he had smiled back.

They had practiced charms Fred is pretty sure weren’t supposed to be taught unless paid extra Galleons for, and he gave them all snacks.

---

“Madam Pomfrey is currently with someone else. She’ll be available tomorrow, or when she finds time.”

George obviously was strung out, because he snapped, “Get Pomfrey!”

 “Madam-”

 “Pomfrey will make an exception, Lydia isn’t a normal patient.”

 “I really doubt-”

Ginny sneered. “Doubt a little less, or you’re getting boils in places cream can’t reach!”

---

“ Mam .” She cried out, and Madam Pomfrey pulled Lydia forward so the girl could grab onto the woman.

---

And if later on Professor Flitwick found and joined them? Well, no one needed to know.

---

[kachinnate]

DEH on tour! 9/17/19

HI so i said i was gonna make a post describing my experience watching DEH last night so B^) if that’s a thing u sorta care abt i dropped it under the cut 

would like to start off that i had no idea that they were introducing a new touring evan and?? he’s fucking FANTASTIC ???? aH ,, but at first glance at the cast list, the only names i recognized were maggie and marrick’s.. and even then i only knew their names, i had no idea what they sounded like or even looked like tbh. if ur curious; 

evan: stephen christopher anthony jared: jared goldsmith larry: john hemphill alana: phoebe koyabe zoe: maggie mckenna cynthia: christiane noll heidi: jane pfitsch connor: marrick smith 

honestly........ i wasn’t displeased w/ a single one of these actors, holy FUCK they were so good?? i love obc w/ my entire heart, and i never thought i’d ever say this, but this cast is a CLOSE fuckin second dude. aahH. and not even because they sounded like the obc, like they all sounded completely different and brought a pretty different take to their characters and it was so..... good??? 

one specific thing that i noticed that happened in this performance compared to all the ones i’d seen before (broadway, two or three boots, two audios for arena stage) throughout was that there was a lot more.... crying? and like, just hearing that you’re probably like,, ‘oh, that’s annoying they probably made it a lot more extra :///’ but!! really i just think there was a different sort of depth that these actors took on in certain moments that made them like.... justifiable for crying when you’ve seen these scenes before and the mood was different and there weren’t tears... 

like, example: the beginning of the computer lab scene, when evan is writing his letter to himself, every evan that i’ve seen before this one read the letter out as he typed it in an almost defeated manner. like, he’s sad, obviously, how can u not be sad writing ‘maybe no one would notice if i disappeared’, but it sounds like he had long resigned to the fact that this was how things were. although it wasn’t super over the top or anything, stephen’s evan .. cried a little, like fully had some tears running down his face and was choked up as he got to the end of the letter, and i was like “!?!?!” cause it immediately gave off the sense that.. fuck, shit, evan really, really wanted his mom to be right, he genuinely had hope that today was going to be good, but.. it really wasn’t, and that kinda fuckin hurts?? like i think especially w/ us fans who know the show so well, we forget how legitimately dismal this letter is that he’s writing dsjkaefg like the murphy’s thought it was a suicide note bc it sounded like that and this might’ve been the first time i like.. didn’t question the confusion they had over it for a second, like of course you thought it was a suicide note , w/ the way evan wrote it it might as well have been 

another specifically notable moment was that alana cried throughout that scene following good for you?? like holy shit was i not prepared for that?? but she played it in a way that made so much sense, like she was so hurt that evan hadn’t cared about the project and maybe the stress of it’s weighed on her a lot because she’s just trying to do this good thing but like always everyone’s just left her to it and maybe she thought it’d be different w/ evan..... like there was a lot of pent up frustration and hurt in every word she said when i’m so used to hearing that scene delivered in a monotone, deadset, cold hurt sort of way. “i’ve moved on. obviously you don’t care.”, not “you know what?! i DON’T have time for this, I have to raise SEVENTEEN THOUSAND DOLLARS!” while choking up on tears like holy fuck alana did u really have to come for all of us like that 

(honestly in general phoebe played the best alana i’ve ever seen, hands down, period point blank, i fucking loved what she did w/ her character.... i’m not sure if she’s been alana for a while or if she’s new too, but oh my god????)

other notable cry things:

- connor was VERY audibly on the verge of tears on his “what are you laughing at?” line - when heidi and alana were singing at evan in good for you, jared was standing off to the side and was glaring daggers @ evan but was also.. crying a little and that fucking hurt  - ev was still croaky and teary from so big/so small into the scene before the finale, and zoe’s voice started catching a little halfway into their conversation and she had to stop a couple times to compose herself  - and then of course tears in the spots that usually have tears like words fail and so big so small and w/e but like. it hurt more i can’t describe it these actors personally Hurt My Feelings

all in all a lot more tears from both the characters and myself 

and just from all of THAT it goes without saying that there was a different, like... sort of depth that these characters brought to the table. stephen’s evan screamed desperate for a friend. i empathized with him immensely because literally every time he talked about fake!connor he sang so longingly and it was obvious that he needed needed needed this lie for himself too, like he wasn’t just telling it to the murphy’s to comfort them, he wanted so badly for this to be the truth for himself. the pull of the murphy’s caring about him and zoe was obviously there, but i truly didn’t think that was even a factor of this whole thing until into act 2. and even then... while it’s obvious that he’s in the wrong and his intentions get a bit more clouded, to me it feels like the general feel was “this has all gotten to out of hand, i can’t back out now, so i might as well just go along with all of this” instead of “oh hey this started as me trying to help the murphy’s but now my life is better? cool” 

his Evan Hansen Nervous Tick (tm) was wiping compulsively at his eyes (which, given how often they all cried is very valid but also kinda funny dsjgn) and his presence in general was very........... good. like, if you mix ben platt and taylor trensch’s energies, i think you’d get stephen’s evan’s stage presence, and really that’s the only way i can describe it djslgnsdg.. like he wasn’t Stoic and Awkward like ben was but he wasn’t as bouncy and quirky as taylor was, he was placed almost in the middle of those two and it... worked, i liked it a lot. it looked like he sort of hated being in his skin and sort of wanted to run away but he Won’t because he knows he needs to Try if he wants to be seen and that’s *chef’s kiss* a good energy that i can appreciate 

 jared goldsmith played his jared similarly to the way that will roland played his jared, but instead of being Blant about his love for evan he gave off a little bit more of a “haah yeh bro >B^)” energy... but still obviously gay because he’s jared, i don’t think u are legally allowed to play ur jared as a straight boy (source: will roland himself, and also the author of the deh book). something i REALLY loved specifically about his singing was that whenever they sing in a harmony, jared gets the top note, and ..... omg there was something about his voice that made the chord sound so fucking PRETTY like there’s no reason for me to be star eyed @ that ending note in sincerely, me, but here i am!!! also, jared was. tiny. SO small. how can so much chaos fit into such a small lad. 

 also i can’t remember when but there was a point where he said a line that was funny and he laughed at himself, and then the audience laughed, and then he continued to giggle and waited a few extra seconds to say his next line and it was the cutest thing i’ve ever seen 

extremely bitter at “look at you, helping the murphy’s”, he cried during good for you, and at the finale he is BEAMING at evan, like he is smiling SO BIG AT HIM, LIKE JARED GOLDSMITH PERSONALLY DECIDED “you know what, in my heart evan and jared did reconcile before the events of this moment and i’m going to make sure the audience knows because i’m going to look at him with an immeasurable amount of love in my eyes” and that was so fucking brave of him

maggie mckenna... maggie mckenna!! she was a wonderful zoe, i think she’s like my favorite zoe high key because oh my GOD? requiem fucking destroyed me... and like, i’m the odd one out because although that song is gorgeous, minus the first time i ever listened to it i never really was deeply deeply moved by it, like i understand the meaning of it and i know why it’s an extremely important song and i appreciate the amount of emotion that is portrayed within it, but to me it’s not really the Highlight of the show....... maggie’s voice was so beautiful, like soft and pretty during the beginning and powerful as FUCK on the bridge and!!!!! i wept for the first time during that song ever and i’m still shook abt it 

in general, maggie’s zoe was really balanced and well played and, like... real?? like, she was adorably hanging onto every word evan said as he stammered through their first interaction, albeit a little confused, when he’s over for dinner to talk about connor she’s indifferent and sort of aloof but it’s obvious that it’s from a place of like.. misplaced Hurt, even without knowing the plot already like it’s sort of obvious.... like maggie made it clear to the audience that zoe wasn’t supposed to be coldhearted or bitchy, she was a kid who’s been hurt by her brother and has every reason to not forgive him for it just because he’s gone and is now rightfully confused because now she has to try and cope with the fact that he might’ve been a good person even though every thing he’s ever done prior went against it, and.... ughsGDJ she was just!!! so good!!!!!! also, her chemistry that she had with evan was really real too and like.. i could believe that she actually fell for him, i could believe that she genuinely did like him for more reasons than a plot device, which is really refreshing bc i can’t rlly say that i saw that same level of like.. genuine chemistry between the evan and zoe i saw when we saw deh on broadway (it was still good, don’t get me wrong, but there was just something missing that i really only noticed by watching this performance). she’s kind of quirky and weird at some points too, which again is another thing that made her feel more real to me??? when evan was like “thank you” and touched her arms after she told him that she wasn’t breaking up with him, she fully reached out to touch his arms and fully bent her entire body in half, like her face was facing the ground and i audibly choked,, also she super gently like smacked his face at one point during only us and i heard it in his mic and he inhaled a lil sharply bc he was trying not to giggle and i. cri 

ngl, i’ve really only seen alana being played in one way up until now.... like, obviously every actor is going to play their character differently, and even from performance to performance there might be some change, but at least for the MOST part every alana i’ve seen has been straightforward: i’m chatty, i’m bright, i’m kind of lonely but i mean well and i REALLY care about this thing that we’re doing. there isn’t a lot of room for her to emote until, like... the whole good for you fiasco happens, the scene before it and after it, when she’s upset with evan for not helping, but even then there’s usually a trend with how she’s played. phoebe played her with SO much emotion and made her SO much more than what i expected to see??? like she cared... so much, but it was obvious that she was maybe not going about it in the right way. she seemed more like an awkward kid just like the rest of them, it was a bit more obvious that she didn’t think of herself as perfect, and it seemed a lot more clear that her intentions for helping out with the connor project were never about herself or making herself look good - it was because it genuinely meant something to her. yes, she was still a lot at times, but when evan accuses her of only being in it to help herself, it’s so like... evidently not true. like u don’t even have to see alana’s expression at all or hear how she responds, ur just immediately like “oh, so evan’s gonna be a dick now” because it’s just so obvious that it’s not like that at all, y’know?? alana had... big feelings, and she was more than the smart girl that drove the plot forward at points and gets screwed over by evan. also, her voice was extremely pretty as well *heart eyes emoji* 

both of the moms brought something similar to this show: it was obvious that while they started their characterization with what obc brought, they made it their own. they brought new mannerisms and choices up and they were both so??? fucking cute????? like they had extreme mom energy, at points it felt so real, like something about the whole scene with them talking together in the murphy house b4 good for you felt..... so so so real and it was disorienting. they both made me cry so like they definitely did their job 

ALSO the fucking way that heidi was looking at evan in the finale like. was one of the things that made me weep the hardest, like holy shit. she loves her son so much!!!!!! and i am CRYING !!!!!!!!! but anyway

*CLAPPING HANDS EMOJI* LARRY. FUCKING. MURPHY. oh my GOD he was an amazing larry !!!!!! like i know the fandom likes to demonize larry murphy but watching this man, i couldn’t think for a single second that this man was a bad father. he was trying so hard and just went about it in the wrong ways, and ... ghh... to break in a glove isn’t supposed to make you tear up but guess what (also this might be a personal problem but seeing him interact w/ evan gave me surges of feelings that reminded me that i have daddy issues ajdnGS like he was so. sweet. all the time, i want to throw a baseball around with this man and have him explain football to me even though i know i won’t understand it). his singing was rlly good too... like hearing it, i was like “ah. i can hear it in ur voice that when u were younger u were a bright tenor lad, but a bright tenor lad in the way that was good and not terribly nasally”  

marrick was really good, but i’m like 85% sure that he was sick :’( his voice caught and he had to clear his throat a few times during sincerely, me, and he had a break on a certain note and couldn’t go higher than that, which.... is rough because although connor isn’t super tenor-y all the time he definitely ... doesn’t sing just low (but when he did sing low? *chefs kiss*) but other than that? v good acting, like evan this connor just... rlly wanted a friend. he almost cried when evan started laughing at him, and he sounded extremely devastated when he read the note... as evan’s OC, he played it very Defeated(tm) instead of confrontational, which obvs Hurt bc evan was fully like “no!!!! i fell!!” while connor was just “ did u. or did u let go.” u don’t gotta be confrontational when u are the inner demons of a boy and aren’t actually a person yaknow >B’’’’^) nevertheless i am crying xoxo!!!!!!!

all in all?? fucking incredible, i can’t believe i had the opportunity to see this cast and i’m going to hold them in a v special place in my heart :’) 

[darkforestimagines]

Luce dei miei occhi part 3

Heidi x reader

Part One

Part Two

Ever since the day Heidi had brought you into her rooms, you were certain she was avoiding you. Well, as much as she could. She still had to bring the humans down your hall for feeding times, but that was only once a week. She never looked over at you as she led them down the hall. You took the chance once or twice to savour the smoothness of her voice, they way it made you want to curl up in a patch of sun and fall asleep in cold arms...

You shook your head like you wanted to shake out your thoughts. You had business to attend to.

You were getting pretty good at your job. You knew most of the processes for running the castle, how to pay the bills, the best time to bring letters to the masters. You were in the middle of an e-mail order for new stones for the garden when footstep interrupted you. You stood up before you even looked up, plastering a smile on your face.

"Welcome home, Demetri, Jane," your breath caught. "Heidi..."

"Good to be home, Y/N," Demetri said with a wink, stopping to cross his arms and lean on the top counter of your desk. Jane walked on, seemingly lost in a foul mood. Behind Demetri, you could see Heidi pause, and the two of you made eye contact for the first time in weeks.

You looked away, feeling your face begin to heat up, and turned to Demetri.

"Is there anything I can help you with?"

"Yes, indeed there is," Demetri said. "Someone, not naming names," Demetri began. He coughed and said something, but it was too fast for you to hear. "stomped on Mistress Sulpicia's lavender. The stems are all bent and the flowers are crushed. Could you be a doll and go pick up a few plants whenever you make your grocery run?"

"Of course," you said, taking out a note pad and jotting down the information. "I can go this afternoon, but I'm not sure I'll be able to find lavender at this time of year. I might have to order some in."

"Well, see what you can do," Demetri said, patting the top of the desk twice before walking away.

You pulled the sticky note off the pad, acutely aware that Heidi hadn't left with Demetri. You took another few seconds to compose yourself before you looked up again.

"Anything I can help you with, H-Heidi?"

Darn, almost. You stuck the note to the corner of your computer screen with a shaky hand.

"It's going to rain this evening." she said. simply. She didn't approach the desk, but her eyes were locked on you in a way humans couldn't.

"Oh, well, um, thank you. I'll have to find an umbrella,," you said. You clasped your hands in front of you. You weren't allowed to sit down until they leaved or they dismissed you.

You bowed your head a little. Surely, Heidi could hear your heart beating in your chest. Was she still upset with you? Was this her revenge for not looking at her all those weeks ago? Did Master Aro tell her you'd been dreaming about that moment? Did he tell her in those dreams you turned to peek?

"Have a good afternoon, Y/N," Heidi said. You heard the click of her heels on the stone, and waited until the sound was distant.

"You too," you said with a sigh, before covering your mouth with your hand. She probably heard that.

Three o’clock rolled around quickly, and you made your way to your room. You rummaged through your belongings, groaning when you realized you never packed your raincoat. You threw on a sweater instead, sliding on sandals and telling yourself you'd just be super quick.

Yeah, right.

Sure, you had time to pick up a couple groceries for yourself. It was only misting when you found your way to the flower shops. By the time you convinced them to get you some lavender plants from the back, it was full-on pouring rain outside. You were relieved to find three medium-sized plants, but that was all you could fit in your cart. You placed your groceries at the bottom, the plastic green pots on top, and peeled your sweater off and tied it around the top of your grandma cart so that the flowers would be safe. Stepping out into the street, your whole body shivered with the onset of rain. In less than two minutes, you were soaked to the bone.

It took you another twenty minutes to walk back to the 'human' entrance of the castle. Alec was kind enough to hold the door open for you as you pulled the cart up the stairs.

"Th-th-th-th-thanks," you said, your teeth chattering until you clenched your jaw.

"No worries," Alec said, taking in the sight of you. He said nothing else as you walked by, tracking water wherever you walked. You would need to mop all of that up once you delivered the flowers.

Your sandals made a wet smacking noise as you walked. You didn't know where Demetri would be, so you decided to go to the general hang-out area. You stopped the cart, pulled the plants into your arms, and slowly made your way deeper and deeper underground, until you reached the underground training room.

Everyone had heard you coming from a mile away, so chatter had died down and about twenty vampires glanced back at you.

"Oh, look at you! You found them!"

Demetri released Afton from a hold and zoomed over to you to take the flowers from you. Behind him, Master Aro and Master Caius shared a glance.

"You look awful, Y/N," Demetri said. "You should go warm up."

"Yeah... you're right." you said quickly. You were shivering, and the tips of your fingers were numb.

Going down all of those stairs is one thing, but climbing back up is a whole other story. The stairs were so old that there was no railing, and they just turned and turned upwards. You felt a little lightheaded, and then two hands moved to your hips to steady you before you fell forwards.

"Th-thanks," you said. You couldn't stop your teeth from chattering.

"I distinctly remember telling you that it was going to rain," the voice from behind said. Oh god.

"S-s-sorry," was your lame response. You heard Heidi sigh, and the cool exhale of her breath on your neck made you shiver.

"Hold still. It'll be easier if I carry you."

You froze in place. Heidi was going to carry you? Your subconscious was going to have a field day with that. Heidi dreams for the rest of the month, for sure!

Heidi scooped you up bridal style, and your exhausted body slumped in her cold, hard arms. You closed your eyes, not only tired but also embarrassed. You felt colder, like she was holding you outside of a moving car, and then it stopped.

"You can open your eyes now."

You peeked. You were in your room.

Heidi set you down, grabbing you again to steady you a second later.

"Thanks Heidi," you said, kicking off your sandals.

"Just answer me this: why did you go out into the rain without so much as a raincoat?"

"Well, I needed food. And those flowers."

"And no raincoat? No umbrella?"

"I thought I was going to be faster than the rain," you said, finding a towel to dry off your legs and arms. Water was still dripping from your hair, shirt and pants, and when you looked over at Heidi, her shirt and arms were soaked where she had held you. And she had her hands on her hips.

"No offense, cara mia, but you're not that fast."

You were so tired that you couldn't help but laugh. Heidi laughed too, but you were laughing so hard you had to sit down. When you could finally breathe again, you sighed happily to yourself and said "Oh, I'm so dumb!"

To your surprise, Heidi crouched down in front of you. One of her hands reached out to cradle your face, and then she drew you a little closer.

You could feel your heart gearing up in your chest, and in your exhausted state you lacked the impulse control. Your hand reached up to Heidi's face and you kissed her on the lips.

Aaaaaand then your brain caught up with you. You pulled away, dizzy and a little star struck.

"Oh Heidi, I'm sorry, I should've asked--"

Heidi leaned forward and kissed you. Her fingers went through your hair, resting on the back of your head, pulling you towards her. Your hands moved to her arms to stop yourself from falling away from her. After a long minute she let you come up for air.

"Let me run you a bath." she purred, practically on your lap. You were sure your pupils were fully dilated-- god, if Heidi wanted to get into your pants, she didn't need to try this hard!

Heidi helped you to your feet and brought you over to your own bathroom. You sat on the counter, still in shock, as she ran the water and adjusted the temperature. She looked through your toiletries until she found a bottle of bubble bath, and carefully poured in a capful.

"There," she said, turning back to you and wiping her wet hands on her pants.

You swallowed as she walked back to you. Were you? Was she? Your circuits were fried and you just looked on at her helplessly, awaiting direction.

Heidi was on cloud nine as she fixed your bath. Aro had promised that once you were securely hers, she could change you. That had been a full month ago, and she hadn't been able to bring herself to be near you. She had been afraid you would reject her, since you hadn't jumped her bones the first time you met her. But Demetri had dragged her by your desk today, and she would need to thank him. The chance to hold you was almost too much to bear, and then to hear you laugh, and to kiss you! Oh!Heidi already decided she was going to take one of your sweaters on the way out, so she could have your scent in her room.

She turned back to you with a smile, her dead heart nearly bursting with satisfaction. You. on the other hand, looked like a limp noodle stuck on a wall.

Heidi moved over to help you out of your clothes, and then stopped in front of you. You were frozen stiff, face burning up. Embarrassment. Nervousness. Obviously you weren't used to any of this. Heidi was only a little disappointed. The inner part of her, the animalistic part, burned with pride that you were hers and hers only.

"I'll leave you to have your bath," Heidi said, kissing your forehead. "Make sure you wear something warm to bed, and get lots of sleep, hm?"

You nodded, still a little overwhelmed but relieved that you weren't going to undress in front of Heidi after all the events of the day.

"I will see you tomorrow, cara mia," Heidi murmured, her hand trailing down your arm to your hand. She couldn't resist, leaning in for a last, quick kiss.

"Tomorrow," you said.

Heidi swept out of the room, shutting the door behind her. You held your breath for another minute, and then sighed and pulled the wet clothes off yourself before sinking into the warm water.

Sweater in hand, Heidi practically floated back to her room. She pressed the sweater to her face and breathed in, venom pooling in her mouth. She couldn't rush you-- waiting made it all the sweeter. She carefully re-folded the sweater and sat it among the pillows, hoping your scent would leech onto them as well.

She was supposed to meet Renata down in the underground training room for a sparring re-match, but when she got there, Renata was busy fighting a quick-footed Jane.

"Someone looks happy," Demetri said. Aro and Marcus lowered the book they were sharing, and Aro beckoned Heidi over.

"So? Has Caius won the bet? A month and a half?" Aro asked. Demetri waltzed over, a grin across his face.

Heidi rolled her eyes. "No one has won yet."

She heard multiple groans, her covenmates readjusting their bets.

"Why are you smiling so much?" Demetri asked as Aro took Heidi's hand. Aro laughed and released her hand after a moment.

"Hey, c'mon, you owe me," Demetri said. Heidi shook her head and smiled like the Mona Lisa. It was no one else’s business that Y/N kisses like a virgin.

[justanotherdeadgirlwalking]

That is Just the Saddest F**king Thing I Have Ever Heard.

TW obviously DEH is about a kid’s suicide, so it has those themes 

other parts :)

Part Two.

I wake up to the sound of an obnoxious beeping. Its rhythmic, constant, like a metronome. I feel something tight on my arm, squeezing the shit out of it. I tense up hoping to provide some relief, but it just gets tighter and tighter. There is a long loud beep, and the grip on my arm loosens. I go to feel what it is, but I can’t move arms. I can’t move anything actually. I’m trying to wiggle my body to turn over, but I can’t; I’m stuck the way that I am. Shit, did those pills make me paralyzed? I can hear people talking, but their voices are so low, I can’t make out what they’re saying. I should’ve listened to my headphones at a lower volume. Now, I’m 17 and deaf, among all my other issues.

My eyes feel so heavy, like there are weights hanging from my eyelashes to keep them close. I finally gather enough strength and open my eyes. I grimace as the brightness of the white florescent lights above me momentarily blind me. Where am I? The beeping speeds up to a less constant beat and the voices stop. I hear footsteps walk towards me, and I force my eyes shut. Someone plays with a machine behind me with a symphony of beeps and buzzes. They walk away, and then the voices start up again, louder. I slowly pick up my heavy head, and I glance around. I’m in the hospital. I look down at my body, there are purple Velcro restraints securing each of my limbs to the bed. They think I’m dangerous, cool.

I point my gaze in the direction of the voices, its Mom and Dad talking to some lady in scrubs, a nurse probably. She looks nervous; she’s biting her lip and playing with her hands. I can’t make out what they’re saying. Mom looks like she’s crying, sobbing actually. Dad has his back turned to me, but he’s making large gestures with his arms; he must be mad about something.

Their conversation goes on for what feels like hours. Mom and Dad keep asking questions, and the nurse just keeps saying “I’m so sorry, we don’t have answers.”  I stare at them, hoping one of them will notice me. Eventually, the nurse notices my gaze and makes eye contact with me. She makes a surprised gasp and smiles at me. Her smile is larger than any other smile I have ever been greeted with my whole life, and it looks genuine. Though, she’s probably relieved for the conversation to end. The nurse walks over to my side and squats down, so she is eye level with me, “Hi sweetie, I’m Heidi” she says. She has a kind voice, “how do you feel?”

“I’m okay” I barely croak out, almost as a whisper. The nurse, Heidi, just smiles at me.

“I’ll let the doctor know he’s awake,” she says, standing up and hurrying out of the room.

Mom and Dad come and sit in the chairs next to the bed. Mom looks at me with a half-smile as tears fill her eyes; Dad gives me a cold, blank, emotionless stare. “H-hi” I barely let out. Mom motions for me to be quiet, shushing me. “What happened?” I whisper. Mom reaches over the rails of the hospital bed to take my hand; she shoves one of her fingers into the restraints, moving it back and forward as if she was trying to stroke it.

“They found you in the park, slumped over” she chokes out between tears, “you weren’t breathing, you barely had a pulse. No one thought you were going to make it.”

“You really scared us” Dad says, with a flat, emotionless voice, “You can’t keep doing shit like this to prove a point.”

Oh, sorry Larry, I guess I forgot to take your feelings into consideration when I did something brash and stupid. I don’t know what point I was trying to prove, but I’m glad you got the message. I am sincerely sorry; sorry to disappoint you that I am still here; sorry you have to pay for another hospital bill for your freak son. He’s always been so apathetic with any of my struggles. He always thinks I’m faking it or doing it for the attention. Why the fuck would I literally try to kill myself for attention? I’d be dead, and unable to receive the attention. Sure, people would talk about me, pretend to be sad about it, but they would get over it in two weeks. That’s just how it goes. We see tragedy after tragedy. A hurricane in Puerto Rico? How sad, I’ll donate to the Red Cross. A school shooting? They’re in my thoughts and prayers. And then we just move on like there’s more important things to do.

Heidi walks back in with another lady, who I’m assuming is the doctor. “Hi, I’m Dr. Johnson,” the lady says, “How are you feeling Connor?”

“I’m fine, I’m just thirsty and my nose itches” I say, raising my arm to draw attention to the restraints, hoping to get out of them.

“Those are just a precaution,” Dr. Johnson says removing the Velcro from around wrists and ankles. I open and close my hands, wiggling my fingers, relieved to be free again.  “We weren’t sure when you were going to wake up, or how you would react when you woke up.” She takes a long pause, “you were out for a very long time, and you had very dangerous levels of fluoxetine in your system when you were found. We just need to run a few tests and observe you for a bit before we can let you go. We also arranged for you to talk with someone from Psych so we can baseline how you are feeling and put in a support system for you.” She smiles at me, and then motions for Mom and Dad to follow her out into the hallway.

Great, that’s all I need, some psychologist to come talk to me and tell me I’m fucked. Trust me, I already know. I’ll have to explain that no I wasn’t feeling depressed or suicidal, I’m just impulsive; I just made a really dumb split decision. That’s what most of the shit I do is anyways, a dumb decision. Like the time I crashed my car. I lied and said there was a deer in the road, and that I swerved to miss it, but really I had a sudden impulse to crash my car for literally no reason. Luckily, I walked away unscratched, but I totaled the car. Larry was pissed. Not only did I wreck a brand-new car, one that he gave to me as a gift, but I also raised the insurance rates. Now, I’m not allowed to drive at all until I can afford to replace the sedan. Considering that I don’t have a job, I am probably never going to get behind the wheel again.

Then, I’m going to talk about all my problems, and this psychologist person is going to write me another prescription to “try to help.” Isn’t a prescription what got us into this mess in the first place? How long are they going to try to pump me full of drugs before they realize that it’s not working.

How long was I out for, a few hours? A few days? What day is it? How much school have I missed? I can only imagine the stories going around to explain my absence. Would Zoe hear them? Would she defend me? Where is she anyways? She probably doesn’t care that her big brother was dying, hell, she probably prayed that I’d stay away this time. It’s not like we’re close, but we’re not enemies either. Surely, she has to care about me, even a little bit.

We were really close when we were younger. She’d want to do everything I did. If I was playing with cars, she wanted to play with cars. If I wore a blue shirt, she wanted to wear blue too. I used to hate it when we were younger, I just wanted to do whatever I wanted without having to worry about having a shadow. Of course, when I misbehaved too I always heard the “you’re a role model” bit, the “she looks up to you” and the “she does everything you do” speeches. How could I expose Zoe to the truth, that her perfect big brother wasn’t actually perfect? That he was actually a fucked-up kid. For years I locked myself in my room and screamed at her to leave me alone. She would sit in the hallway and cry until I would let her in; she fought for me, for my attention. Eventually, Zoe stopped fighting for me, and really lost all interest in me completely. She grew up. She learned to see me the same way that the rest of the world did, as a freak.

Maybe she told everyone to mind their business. Maybe she told them I overdosed in a children’s park. Whatever the rumor is, it’s going change how people see me. It’s an opportunity I’ve been waiting my whole life to have, and I had to almost die to get it. Maybe, I’ll be Connor Murphy the fucking drug addict, who does hard drugs like anti-depressants and mood stabilizers. Maybe I’ll be able to fit in with the stoners. Who knows? I’ll no longer be the freak Connor Murphy. Maybe I’ll be the Connor Murphy, the kid that tried to kill himself, and everyone will pity me. No, I think that’s worse. I’d defiantly much rather be known as a freak than to be pitied by all these fake mother fuckers that didn’t care about me a week ago, or a month ago.

Mom walks back in, “Honey, your friend Evan Hansen is here to see you,” I see him wave from behind her, “I’ll give you two some time alone.” Evan walks in and sits in the chair next to my bed, his cast is gone. He looks so nervous that he is literally shaking.

“M-my, my mom said that you woke up. We didn’t think you were going to. Zoe said I should’ve waited to come see you, so you could readjust, but I feel so guilty that I-I made her drive me here. I had to see you… immediately.” He says, stuttering through every word. Why does he feel guilty? I mean he was the last person I talked to before I passed out in the park. Maybe he feels bad for writing his weird sex letter about Zoe. Zoe? Zoe brought him here.

“Where’s Zoe?” I ask him.

“Sh-she’s in the hallway, she doesn’t want to see you yet,” he says. Of course, she doesn’t want to see me, she doesn’t want to deal with the mess that I am. “She just needs a little more time to process everything that’s happened, and now that you’re awake, none of us know how everything that happened is going to fit in with you in the picture. A lot of stuff happened while you were, while you were,” he jesters at me and the bed, “but, it’s okay and actually you have an apple orchard now.”

“I have an apple orchard?” I ask, Jesus Christ how long was I asleep? “You’re going to explain ‘everything’ to me right now.” I spit at him.

“Yeah uh, it’s a funny story actually,” he continues, “so when you were found you still had my letter in your pocket and everyone thought that it was your suicide note and that you wrote it to me because we were best friends,” he’s talking really fast, “and your parents came to school and told me that you tried to kill yourself and about the note and I didn’t know how to tell them that it was actually a letter I wrote to myself as an assignment from my therapist.” He pauses to breath.

“Okay, that doesn’t explain how I have an apple orchard.” I say, confused.

“Right,” he takes a deep breath before talking really fast again, “well I lied to your parents and said that we had a secret friendship where we sent emails to each other, Jared was in on it, and I gave your parents the fake emails and they took me in as their own, since they were so happy that you had a friend.”

“You did what now?” I ask him, cutting him off.

“It’s a really long story” he sighs, “but please, can you go along with it, please?”

Is this a fucking joke? The same kid that wrote freaky shit about my sister, is asking me to cover him in a big lie he told, and the lie he told was about me. He wrote fake emails? He told my parents we were friends? He still hasn’t explained the apple orchard. If Evan was really desperate for friends, I don’t know if this was the way to go. Did he think, what, I was never going to wake up, and he could go on in his life without getting caught? I must’ve been out for a real long fucking time for something like this to be cooked up. This is crazy. I can tell you that all the times I’ve been high out of my mind, I’ve came up with some pretty wild ideas, but never pretending to be some almost dead kid’s friend with whom we write secret correspondences.

“Sorry to interrupt you two,” it’s the nurse from before, “but Evan honey, we need to do some tests on Connor, so you’ll have to wait in the hall for now with everyone else.”

“Okay mom,” Evan stands as he gets up to leave, basically running out the room. The nurse is his mom. No wonder why she was so happy to see me awake, I’m her kid’s best friend. 

[morelike-bi-light]

AU Where Victoria and Bree Join the Olympic Coven

And Also Vampires Can Cry Now Because Fuck Smeyer

Starting with Twilight

So in this AU Laurent tells the Cullens that Victoria and James are mates while he's info-dumping, because James isn't a total moron on top of a dick and tries to utilize Victoria's power of self-preservation to aid in his hunt by having her guard the studio instead of... whatever he asked her to do in canon. Unfortunately those powers only work when her adversary's goal is to kill her, and in this version Bella asks Jasper to stay and guard her dad so he can use his powers to provide comfort to Charlie while Bella's away. So Esme takes his place at the studio and she proposes that instead of destroying her, they use Victoria as a bargaining chip to trade for Bella.

But when they confront him, he just laughs and tells them to kill her. That she was just a toy and a tool for him to get what he wants. Tells them how pathetic she was before he started hunting her down, too afraid to interact with even the weakest of vampires. He tells them how she was so grateful to be left alive when he hunted her down, how she’d do whatever he said, how useful her ability to evade was, how amusing it was to see her scramble to appease him. He tells them that if she's so weak that they could overpower her, then she's outlived her use to him anyways. Victoria’s humiliation grows as she listens, and eventually she restrains him herself, gleefully helping Edward and Emmett destroy him. However, Bella’s wounds distract them soon after, and they fail to make sure his body burns with the ballet studio.

When they return to Forks, Carlisle and Esme offer her a place to stay, seeing as Laurent has already left for Alaska. While she refuses at first, unwilling to take the vegetarian lifestyle, after a month or so of living alone, she makes her way back. She shows up at the school prom, confessing that she just doesn’t know what to do anymore. Victoria needs a purpose, and James may have been abusive and cruel and heartless but he had offered her that. Bella convinces Edward to take her back to the house and the Cullens take a vote on whether to accept her. Edward and Rosalie are the only ones who vote against, so in she’s brought. They spend the rest of the school year and then the whole summer teaching her how to control the bloodlust, and how to be a part of the family.

She stays very close to Esme whenever she can. Esme is the first one that Victoria really tells her story to: her sister and her getting beaten as servants, working as prostitutes to stay off the streets, finally finding happiness in her coven of sisters, only to have the Volturi steal Heidi and slaughter them all. Getting hunted and then recruited by James. Esme cries (fuck smeyer) when Victoria can’t, and she asks for permission to touch her until Victoria tells her she doesn’t need to. And even when Victoria is itching to scream or cry or tear the walls of their perfect house done, she’s patient and gentle. She sees Esme reading a book one day and mentions ofhandedly that she only barely knows how to read, despite being alive so long, and that’s when they start reading together, starting with Anne of Green Gables, who also had fiery hair, freckles, and a found family. Esme is home.

Of course, the whole coven comes to mean something to her. Carlisle fills her with a feeling of safety and hope. He doesn’t let anything happen to his family, and she’s part of it now. Emmett makes her feel a different kind of safe - the kind that comes with knowing that there’s someone who doesn’t care if she screws up, who will invite her out for a run through the woods regardless of what she’s done and who she’s been. Jasper, she feels a kinship to. He comes from bad blood too - no pun intended. They’ve both down awful things to innocent people to appease those who controlled them. And she can always count on him to bring her calm when everything else is driving her crazy. Alice’s optimism, while irritating at first, has often been her only source of hope for the future, and Bella, though she smells delicious, is even more valuable for how normal she can make Victoria feel. Edward is still cold, but Victoria trusts him, and he seems to have accepted that her intentions are genuine. Rosalie is distant, and when they’re alone together, they’re quiet, but she walks with her at school, and sits with her around the house.

Then Onto New Moon

At Bella’s party, it’s not just Jasper who can’t control himself when Bella bleeds - Victoria loses control, too. After all, Jasper can’t calm her when he can’t calm himself. She feels bad about the whole thing, but secretly she thinks that Edward pushing her into the glass made everything a lot worse than it had to be. Edward argues that this is exactly why they should never have taken her in in the first place, which hurts more than she wants to admit, but to her surprise, Rosalie comes to her defense, pointing out that Jasper lost control too, and they’d never use that as an excuse to throw him out.

When the clan decides to leave, she’s scared that they’ll figure out a way to leave her behind. That when they move, they’ll bring her, but something will change. That they’ll figure out that she’s a lost cause and just be rid of her. But nothing happens. They move, for Bella’s safety, and her absence is the only thing that changes. Esme still cuddles with her on the couch and reads with her. They’re working through Anne of Avonlea now. Emmett and she still go racing through the forest, and despite his talk, he still never wins. Rosalie and she still sit at the table. Alice still does her hair in the mornings. She catches Esme drafting letters, then throwing them out while shaking her head and trembling. They’re crumbled and scribbled on and addressed to Bella. Victoria wonders if they’ve all made a mistake but bites her tongue. She doesn’t have the right to question their decisions, not when she is still one of the most recent ones.

When Edward decides to commit suicide, and Bella and Alice go to bring him back, the Volturi mention concern over the adoption of Victoria into the Cullen clan. Edward sees the memories of Aro and the rest hunting down Victoria’s coven, and feels a pang of guilt over his dismissal of her as unfeeling, untrustworthy and a threat to Bella. Among their other complaints and suspicions, they demand that the Cullens ensure her control if they plan on keeping her in the same area for as long as they usually do, and warn that if they fail to turn Bella and control Victoria, the Volturi will be forced to take drastic measures to protect their kind.

When they return, Victoria refuses to talk to Edward for a while. Her head pulses with memories of her sister’s cries cutting off abruptly, with just the echoes left to listen to. Of the sound of her coven members’ footsteps fading, until hers are the only ones still crunching through the snow. Of screaming and collapsing and being utterly alone once more. She wants to yell at Edward, demand he tell her how he could do that to Carlisle and Esme, who love him more than should be possible. How could he do that to his siblings? I mean, maybe he doesn’t care about her, and she knows that, she’s accepted it, but to do it to Emmett? To Alice?

It’s weeks before they reconcile. He approaches softly as she sits alone, in the house, and he sits next to her. She glares at him, and he flinches. She tells him he was stupid. She tells him exactly what he knows she’s been thinking - that he is lucky to have found a family that loves him so much, and he has proved how unworthy he is of that love, to throw it in their face. She tells him that she is older and has been lonelier. That he must be a fool to not recognize the gift he’s been given in Carlisle and Esme. He stares at the floor as she hurls her abuse at him. When she’s done, he looks up, pausing, and tells her that he’s sorry that he left, and that she lost her sister. She freezes, scowls at him, and disappears. 

A few days later, Esme talks with her about it. She thanks her for caring so much about her and Carlisle, and for valuing them so much. She asks her to consider what Edward must’ve been feeling, to consider what he did. to commit. She starts thinking about it more and more. In the end, she approaches him, and gives him a reluctant, awkward hug. She doesn’t say anything - he can read her mind. No point in being redundant.

And Some Major Changes to Eclipse

By the time that summer rolls around, Victoria is just starting to relax. She knows better than to expect it to last, but she takes a cue from Esme and Alice, and determines to take comfort where she can. At least, she does until she slips up and bites an injured human while running in the woods a few miles from Seattle. He’s a young man, wearing a U of O shirt that’s splattered with blood and mud from the wound on his shoulder. In the midst of drinking his blood, she thinks about the reactions of her new family, and wrenches herself away from the body. She’s so overwhelmed by her own self-loathing and fear, that she doesn’t process the padding of paws or the rustling of branches that linger in the brush. 

Sprinting all the way back to the house, she admits her deed to Esme in the dead of night, and then Carlisle the next morning. After some debate, they decide to wait before they tell the others. Unfortunately, it’s only a week or so before they get wind of a string of murders and disappearances cropping up in Seattle. Edward immediately learns of Victoria’s guilt when they bring it up and is furious that she has put both the clan and Bella in danger. Rosalie, too, is frustrated, but the rest of the clan does their best to keep things from escalating.  Edward and Victoria’s relationship worsens further when in a moment of discomfort and disgust, Victoria points out that James would also prevent her from seeing other men without his permission.

While Bella and Edward deal with drama concerning their relationship and her connections with the pack, Carlisle helps Victoria work on her control using first animal blood, and then whatever human blood is about to expire from the local bank. Eventually, Jasper and Alice join in on the sessions as well. While the sessions are a struggle, and increase in difficulty with each success, Victoria finally starts to feel like her future may remain in her control. But everything feels like it’s crumbling when Alice gets a vision of James surviving to seek revenge on the Cullens, but even more than them, Victoria. On top of the lessons on self control, Jasper starts giving her lessons in self defense, should James catch her unawares and the rest of them aren’t there to help. 

After some time, Jacob, on behalf of the wolf pack, informs Bella that the injured man that Victoria fed on has been helping James to build an army of newborns, who are responsible for the corpses scattered all over Seattle. The coven begins to prepare for an attack, though the Denali Coven refuses to come to their aid. Apparently, Laurent thought that supporting James was wiser than defending her and the Cullens, a choice that had resulted in his death at the hands - or teeth - of Bella’s pack of shapeshifters. She doesn’t feel anything but a vague irritation at the news. The La Push pack offers to replace the Denalis in battle, although her presence in the coven certainly doesn’t make them more enthused about it. Edward, Bella, Jacob, and Seth go up the mountain to wait out the fight.

While Victoria had fervently hoped that James would be too angry at her to bother chasing after the squishiest member of her new family, he decides that going after Bella is the only way to get his revenge - as well as finally complete his hunt. However, his beating at the ballet studio has weakened him, and Edward manages to kill him before he can do any damage. Seth kills his right hand man Riley, who himself had sworn to kill her, as she was responsible for his transformation and had abandoned him in the woods. Meanwhile, the Olympic coven and the pack work together to destroy the newborn army, and during the battle, Victoria and Jake’s combined efforts protect Leah from a newborn. (It’s lucky she was there, too, or she suspects Jacob would’ve broken something.)

On the other side of the battlefield, Carlisle and Esme offer Bree a new home in exchange for her surrender, and she immediately agrees. Victoria and Jasper are initially suspicious, and have Carlisle and Esme leave her with them. When Edward and Bella arrive, Victoria asks him to read the girl’s mind and they discern that she has genuine intentions. Bree is obviously terrified, and Edward tells Victoria that the newborns were fed horrible stories of what would happen to them should they be captured - especially by the red-haired target herself. Victoria feels a pang of regret and empathy, knowing exactly what it’s like to have James slip inside your mind, draw out your greatest fears, and paint them onto the world around you, until everywhere you look, you see a threat. When Victoria looks at Bree, she sees her previous self - except wiser, clearly, as the Victoria of the past would never have been able to discern foe from friend under the influence of James.

That’s when she looks across the field and sees the Volturi have started to arrive. It’s been over half a millennium since she turned, but at the prospect of experiencing a repeat of the events that claimed her original coven, she’s never felt more damned. Things only get worse when Victoria recognizes her former coven member, Heidi, emerging from their ranks, and surveying the scene with disinterest, until their eyes meet, and her brow quirks. If Victoria was human, her stomach would be rolling. Jasper tries to ground her with a feeling of calm and peace as she starts to tremble, and Esme and Carlisle slowly drift over, placing supportive hands on her back as the two groups come to stand before one another.

When the Volturi demand that Bree be handed over, for interrogation, Victoria nearly collapses on the spot. “No,” she whispers, even as Bree slowly stands, resignation etched into her young features. “No, they can’t.” She grips Esme, leaning into her embrace, staring up into her kind, horrified eyes and pleading as she never has before. “Esme, please. Esme. Please.” She’ll offer herself in the girl’s place - she’s had aeons to become something worthy of existing, and this girl has surpassed her with hardly a childhood. Carlisle implores the Volturi to entrust the girl with the Olympic Coven, and Aro makes a show of pretending to consider it. Victoria remembers, looking through his curtains of dark hair and into his mercilessly red eyes, exactly why she spent so many centuries hiding from her own kind. Heidi whispers something in Caius’s ear, and a murmur breaks out among the coven’s core members. 

When the whispers stop, Aro turns to the family with a hard glare, looking them over one by one before his eyes land on the fifteen-year-old on trial. He pins up a saccharine smile to tell them that the Volturi will bequeath her to the Cullens, but only after a short and painful interrogation, the screams from which are muffled by Jasper’s kind smothering, and a vow to to uphold the laws of the Volturi. Bree doesn’t really feel alive until Carlisle steps forward and grasps her by the elbow, leading her back until she’s pressed between him and his wife, with Victoria and Rosalie maneuvering forward to flank their sides, crouching defensively in case they should change their minds. Esme curls one hand into Bree’s hair, and places her other in Victoria’s hand, chin lifted defiantly in the direction of the Volturi.

Aro isn’t done, however. He asks the Cullen how the newborn army’s leader was turned. He says, looking at Victoria, that whoever is responsible for the spawning of the first newborn must face the consequences of their failure to clean up after themselves. Even as Esme’s grip tightens, the redhead doesn’t blink, meeting his eyes. She knows what her lack of control has cost her family - and isn’t it funny, that it’s the first time she doesn’t hesitate to think of them as that - and she won’t cost them anything else. Carlisle, to his credit, doesn’t bat an eye as he tells the Volturi that they don’t know who is responsible, that he imagines it must be James. That Alice has only ever seen him in her visions. Aro smiles and points out that wrongdoing is not always a matter of choice, but before he can continue, Edward interrupts, claiming that one of the shapeshifters has something to add. One of the wolves begins to change form, and when the process is done, the wolf is now one of the most beautiful women that Victoria has ever seen, with cropped black hair, and merciless eyes that simmer with disgust.

Leah steps forward from the pack and testifies that she was present during the initial changing of Riley. Aro beckons her forward, and she complies, though her pack rumbles with discontent. Carlisle joins her side as she walks forward, explaining softly how Aro’s powers work, and hesitating before informing her that she does have the option to refuse to comply. Leah nods, glancing away, before silently presenting her arm to the red-eyed coven leader. Aro ghosts his fingers along her forearm before wrapping his icy fingers around her warm wrist. Edward whispers to Bella and his clan about what he’s seeing in the shapeshifter’s mind. She was taking a familiar run that summer night a ways outside of Seattle, when Riley was first bit. She’d caught a whiff of blood in the distance as well as a hint of something nauseatingly sweet, and decided to investigate. Riley’s initial injury had been inflicted by a weakened James from behind, who upon recognizing Victoria’s scent, had abandoned his victim in her path. The temptation to drink was too much for the new vegetarian, but when she realized what she was doing, she’d wrenched herself away and sprinted back to her home as quickly as possible, leaving the injured boy behind. James then emerged from where he’d been watching and soon after dragged him away.

Leah had warned the pack of what she’d seen, and soon thereafter Jacob had informed Bella of the pack’s interactions with James. Victoria’s eyes are glued to the shapeshifter as Edward relays her memories. When the account has been given, Leah firmly removes her arm from Aro’s slackened clasp and takes a step back. The Volturi leader gives the shapeshifter an odd look, as though he’s both fascinated and disgusted, before reluctantly announcing that Victoria is not technically at fault for the newborns, but she will be watched carefully by the Volturi - and should she make even a minor mistake again, it will be her last. She doesn’t flinch under his gaze as he says this, but Esme loops her arm around the redhead’s shoulders, providing support without releasing her hand.

Finally, the Volturi leader inquires about Bella’s humanity, noting with distaste their failure to honor their word. The Cullens assure them that the date for transformation has been set, and that as soon as Bella graduates from high school, her disappearance will warrant much less panic. Carlisle notes that this is actually in better keeping with the Volturi’s philosophy than if they were to change her and disappear without a trace. At long last, the Volturi admit satisfaction, and reluctantly depart with only warnings and threats in their wake. Victoria watches Heidi’s back as she follows the clan leader away from the battlefield, and tries not to feel a pang of rejection. They haven’t seen one another in centuries - and even if that wasn’t the case, there would be none of Heidi’s former sentiment surviving under the influence of Chelsea.

After they depart, the battlefield slowly starts to clear, first with bodies piled and burning, then with the coven and the wolf pack’s diplomatic exchanges. Victoria hesitates to leave Esme’s side, but she glances down at Bree, still glued to the matriarch’s side, and determines to learn to stand on her own feet more often, so that she could support Esme - who would surely be doing the brunt of the work of acclimating the newest Cullen, just as she did with Victoria - as well as Bree in her own right. She glances across the field, at Leah, and thinks there is no better time to start than then. 

She pulls away from Esme and slowly pads up to Leah, still in human form. She thanks her for testifying on her behalf, and Leah thanks her for her part in protecting her from the newborns. She makes her laugh at some point, and Victoria makes her smile and blush. The vampire pretends not to notice. After all, she imagines that if she were human, Leah would’ve turned her red more than once already. Eventually the two groups part ways, returning to their respective homes, and as Victoria returns to the coven, Esme and Alice are watching her with strange looks on their faces - strange, mischievous looks. She pretends not to notice that either.

That summer, Bree slowly begins to acclimate to the clan. Victoria feels a pang, watching her go through the motions. After all, she’s only barely gotten used to being in the family herself, and there are still so many days where she wakes up wondering when they are going to abandon her, or destroy her, or worse. Rosalie is almost as protective of and attentive to the teenager as Esme and Carlisle. In fact, the entire clan seems to have decided to involve themselves with her healing. 

Victoria swallows the bitterness, trying to remind herself of the sensibility in the clan’s initial reaction to her, but it scares her how little reason soothes her anxiety. Emmett, Bella, and Carlisle seem to understand her worries, though, and with their help - distracting games with Emmett, indulgent hangouts with Bella, and long talks with Carlisle - she learns how to manage and erode any lingering envy or fear. (She never worries about Esme though. They finish Anne of Avonlea, and complete Matilda before the summer ends. She’s gotten better at reading on her own, but she has a feeling it will always be easier with Esme.)

Besides, she adores Bree. Bree is kind, and quiet, and goofy. She is a kid the likes of which Victoria never got to be, and, according to Edward and Carlisle, the likes of which Bree never really got to be before she was bitten either. Of course, Rosalie loves her too, to everyone except Emmett’s surprise. She pulls Victoria aside one day, with newspaper clippings and social services records, a month or so after Bree moves in. They disappear the following weekend, leaving just a note claiming the need to go hunting and a desire to bond. Carlisle frowns and furrows his brows, but Emmett is a good boy and stays tight-lipped about the whole thing. When anyone asks, he just shrugs. “They left a note, you know.”

Esme is the only one home when they return two weeks later in the dead of night, with black eyes, and human blood crusting under their nails. She’s wiping down the kitchen counter after one of Alice’s wedding planning sessions. “What’d they do?” she asks, without looking up. The blonde and the redhead glance at each other, before answering. “He killed her mom,” Victoria murmurs, thinking of her sister. “And tortured her,” Rosalie continues, remembering her death. Esme pauses, using her rag to wipe any glue or glitter stuck to her own hands. She pays special attention to her wedding ring. “I’m glad you’re home.”

While Alice is obviously involved with the wedding as soon as it’s announced, Bella asks Rosalie, Esme, Victoria, and Bree to be bridesmaids as well. Bree is shocked and starts to tear up immediately, but Victoria turns to stone at the proposal. She nods her acceptance, but she can’t find her voice. Later when she’s sitting alone on the balcony, pondering the situation she’s in, Bella approaches and asks her what’s wrong. Victoria asks why Bella asked her to be a bridesmaid, and Bella tells her she doesn’t have to be one if she doesn’t want to. Victoria asks her again why Bella asked her to be one. Bella thinks for a moment, then slowly comes over and sits next to her. She asks Victoria why she is asking.

Victoria lists everything she’s ever done to endanger Bella, every time her decisions made it harder for Edward and Bella to stay together. It seems liek she’ll never run out of reasons for Bella not to have asked her, until Bella interrupts and tells her that first of all, none of what she’s said was Victoria’s fault. She tells Victoria that she has never blamed Victoria - for James, for Laurent, for Edward, for Riley. She suggests that Victoria’s should consider therapy - obviously she couldn’t tell a therapist everything, but she could start to work on some of the trauma and self-doubt she has at the very least. “But that’s not the point,” she continues. “The point is that you guys, all of you, are my family. All of you. And I love all of you. You’re my sister, Victoria, just as much as Alice, and Bree, and even Rosalie. I love you, and how you came to be a part of this family doesn’t change that. We’re in this together, right?”

Bella still hangs out with members of the wolf pack from time to time, and during their trips to theaters, game stores, and bowling alleys, Victoria gets in the habit of asking after Leah. Apparently, Leah asks after her, too. Eventually, Bella gets sick of being the messenger and just sets them up to hang out without her. At Alice’s suggestion, they go to the movies and see an animated film about a garbage robot who falls in love with a space robot and accidentally-on-purpose helps humanity return to Earth. It’s nice, and afterwards they go to a cafe where they both order dinner so that Leah doesn’t have to deal with rude looks for ordering so much food. They talk about silly things, like music, and art, and eventually books get brought up and Victoria mutters that she likes Anne of Green Gables before clamming up. Leah gets the hint and changes the subject.

Spending time with Leah becomes a thing. It’s not habitual enough to be casual, but it’s just often enough to be a thing. Having plans with her feels like an event, and the first few times Victoria spends way too many hours fighting with herself over what to wear and how to do her hair and if she should use makeup - aren’t they already supposed to look perfect? What if she can’t do better and just messes things up? Not the point. The point is, Rosalie takes over her Leah-plan looks from then on, because enough is enough, and Alice is too busy planning a damn wedding to do the job for them. The third time they hang out, Victoria confesses that she’s still learning to read. The next time they meet up, Leah admits that she did some research on adult literacy and found a few articles and pamphlets about helping friends who learned how to read late adjust and continue their growth. Victoria tries to play it cool but her eyes are wet the whole time and she’s smiling like she’s psychotic for a week straight.

They’re walking back to the border of their territories after the sixth of such hangouts when she glances over at the shapeshifter and starts to notice an ache in her chest. They stop at a midpoint and stare at each other before awkwardly saying good night when the ache drips lower and turns to a burn. Victoria hasn’t wanted to attack somebody for a reason other than hunger in a while, so she blurts her goodbyes and gets out of dodge as quickly as possible. It’s only when she’s bursting through the front door and Emmett is asking how her date went that she realizes that she’s burning not with the urge to drink, but with the urge to touch. Bree gives her an odd look, asking if she’s okay, and Victoria chokes out a hoarse ‘yes’ before locking herself in her room and having a minor mental breakdown. 

She avoids hanging out with Leah for the last few weeks of summer, all the while cursing herself. But she can’t help it. For the first time in centuries, she wants to be touched. She wants to be wanted. And the magnitude of what it would mean for Leah to reject her or to return her feelings, overwhelms her to the point of breaking. They have time, she tells herself. Time for her to overcome her fears. Time for her to become somebody worthy of Leah. She has time.

And We End Before Breaking Dawn Because I Guess I’m Writing a Fic Now And No Spoilers

@alaska-blu @cmgmurphy @michaelalovesseaside @loudlyglorioustragedy @habblez-the-babblez @fiercehunter411 @snailcullen @shittytwilightaus

@a-checkered-mate @imawednesdaygirl @twilight-mademegay @twibidriveby @the-bilight-saga @trashanddrivel @bog-vampire @maryaliceswan @bellaedwardcullenswan @gaybeauswan @maryalicebrandon @orange-twilight @vampireguarddogs @thechangingcolourswithinthewoods @kerrym1516 @bitchrosalie @bellatops @alicemcullen @once-and-future-thot @super-lady28

Thanks to everyone who showed interest in this post/fic! Also, sorry that this thing is so fucking long and monstrous, but I’ve honestly never felt so inspired by an AU before. Special thanks to: @the-bilight-saga @shittytwilightaus @snailcullen @trashanddrivel for messaging me and talking to me about stuff like this! My inbox is always open.

If you want to be tagged in posts related to this au or in posts regarding the fic I plan to write for it, message me, reply to this post, or reblog with a request in the tags! If you want to be taken off the taglist, let me know and I’ll do that immediately. If my post or ideas inspire you to create your own fic/art/post/work, even if it’s different, go for it! And tag me or message me! I’d die.

[aka-willow]

Still Awake

gif

Words: 1100

Characters: Willow Wren, Ethan Kim

Prompt/Tag:

“alright, i’ll leave you alone.”

“Don’t give me that look.”

Summary: Willow returns to school after winter break

Timeline: January 2016

Song: Rejoice - Julien Baker

A/N: it’s mentul illnuss innit, luv?

—————————————————————————–

I still felt half-asleep when we returned to school after winter break. I hadn’t talked to Kate the whole break, and Peter and Ned hadn’t heard from her either. The three of us met, as usual, in the lobby of MSST, but I just felt so disconnected, as Peter and Ned discussed their break and I nodded along. I had been to Peter’s a few times, just for movie nights with him and Ned, but it didn’t feel the same. They asked me what happened with Kate, and I didn’t have a good answer.

How did I fuck all this up so badly?

I didn’t feel like the same person anymore. After the revelation Marty’s USB drive brought, I wasn’t even sure who I was anymore. Who is Willow? Who was October?

I got to homeroom and slid into my seat, putting my head down on the desk, praying the school day would end quickly so I could go back to base, maybe sleep a little, and pick another HYDRA agent. I’m so bored. I’m—

“Hey,” someone said, and I looked up to see Ethan Kim settling into the desk next to me. “How was your break?”

I sat up and sighed. “Uh… below average?”

He looked like he wanted to ask more, but he stared down at his notebook, pushing his pencil tip into the binder holes. “Oh. Sorry to hear that. Did you do anything fun?” When he looked back at me, I read the concern in his eyes, the way he actually cared what I said, and it made me feel worse.

“Don’t give me that look,” I said, putting my head back down.

“Oh… okay… sorry? What look?” Ethan stuttered, and when I didn’t answer, he went back to poking his notebook with his pencil. “Alright, I’ll leave you alone.”

God, what’s wrong with me? Every time I shut my eyes, it was a new image. Marty dead in the apartment. The Russian family. Heidi Rye falling over the balcony. That couple I killed Christmas morning and felt nothing when it happened. I should have felt something. Why can’t I feel anything? I’m so tired. I’m so, so tired.

I titled my head in my arms and glanced back up at Ethan. “Sorry. How was your break?”

He seemed surprised and smiled a little. “Oh. It was all right. I went skiing with my parents, so that was fun. Celebrated Christmas with my grandparents in Connecticut.”

“Sounds nice,” I said, clenching my fists under my crossed arms. “Um… do you have any siblings?”

“No,” he said. “Just me.”

“Right on.”

“You?”

I read the clock at the front of the room. Still a few minutes before class started. “I have eleven. Well… maybe twelve.” Let’s see what he says to that.

“Wait, what?” Ethan asked, his voice barely above a whisper in the homeroom chatter. “Do they all live at that apartment? Like…”

“No,” I said, shaking my head. “We all live in different places.”

“Oh.”

“Yeah.”

“That still must be cool though,” Ethan said. “It’s like a whole bunch of people who are forced to be friends with you.”

I almost laughed. “Yeah. Exactly.” For some reason, I was moments away from exploding again, my spine itself feeling like there was a current flowing through it, and my hands filled with pins and static. “Can you make sure I get marked present?” I asked. “I need to go to the bathroom.”

I practically ran down the hall, towards the auditorium, somewhere empty and quiet. Papers fluttered on bulletin boards, and just as I shut the auditorium door behind me, the wind shot out, ripping through the auditorium, shaking the seats, my hair twisting in the vortex. The light rig rattled against the beams and I sat down in the aisle, trying to get it to stop, somehow get control back.

Just as the wind began to settle, I hear someone approaching the auditorium doors and I stood up quickly. When the door opened, the air was still, and I saw Principal Morita standing in the hallway. “What are you doing here?”

“Um…”

“My office, please.”

And that’s how I spent my first afternoon after winter break in detention, watching one of those fucking Captain America videos on the roll-in television, a video I was no stranger to. “So, you got detention. You screwed up.” I mouthed along with the words as I scratched my name into the desk and the video droned on and Captain America’s smug face stared out of the grainy screen. “You know what you did was wrong, but the question is: how are you going to make things right? Maybe you were trying to be cool.”

How many of these did they make this guy make? Does he seriously enjoy making them?

I thought back to Ethan in homeroom this morning and felt bad all over again for blowing him off. He reached out to me a lot, and back before everything happened, I used to say hi to him every morning before class. But, c’mon. How am I going to make things right? I don’t know, create hurricane-force winds in my homeroom instead? Would that work? What does Principal Morita expect me to do? Of course, he doesn’t know and he’ll never know, but still. What the hell am I supposed to do?

“But take it from a guy who’s been frozen for sixty-five years, the only way to really be cool is to follow the rules. We all know what’s right and we all know what’s wrong.”

I turned back to scratching my name in the desk, before realizing that I would get in trouble for vandalism and started crossing my name out instead, scratching a deep gorge across the letters, dragging my pencil back and forth across the desk. The teacher didn’t seem to care if we did homework or not, as long as we weren’t on our phones, and even though I could use the homework time, I just sat there, continuing to scratch at the desk.

“Next time those turkeys try to convince you of something you know is wrong, just think to yourself what would Captain America do?”

I think about Marty. Why did he feel the need to go digging on his own? Why didn’t he tell me? I knew why, though. Marty was stubborn, he liked his secrets almost as much as I did. He liked the investigation, the hunt, that’s why he loved scamming people online so much. But why did it have to be Marty? If he had told me… I could have warned him. I could have stopped this. And even with Peter and Ned still here, nothing was the same without Kate or Marty.

[cravingcrazewriting]

youwillbefound.org

Trigger Warning- Mentions of suicide attempt and suicidal thoughts.

youwillbefound.com is a safe haven for any troubled teens/young adults who are looking for someone to find them. This site intends on being a place to reach out to others and to find them as you wold want yourself. Harassment is strictly prohibited. If we find you are abusing this site to target and harass people who are suicidal then you will be banned firstly for a week, secondly for a month, and thirdly will be a permanent ban and removal of your account. We hope you find whatever you're looking for on youwillbefound.com and we wish you the best of luck! Have a fantastic day!

What was Evan doing?

It wasn't like him to get a social media. It wasn't like him to rely so much on people, but yet he did, for no reason whatsoever. He did meet someone who he could trust, and needed help as much as he did. It was nice. He only had a few other friends who friended him out of pity.

He was currently on his laptop, writing his therapy letter, when he heard his phone go off.

HighandAllMighty: hey dude, wuts up?

Evan made a smile. High, that's what Evan nicknamed him due to privacy issues, was one of his closest friends, he'd even call him a best friend. High suffered from Anxiety and Bipolar, and had a very hard time making friends due to all of his outbursts. On the internet, he was able to calm himself down and not act rashly, but sometimes would assume the worst and snap at Evan a few times, but when that did happen, he'd awake to multiple apologizes from High.

High admitted to smoking openly, from cigarettes to weed, mainly because the way it calmed him down and less likely to snap at people. Evan didn't really mind this, since High's parents didn't get him any medication to him. If it helped, then that was that.

AnAnxiousTeen: Nothing much, just sitting in bed. I might write my therapy letter soon. What about you?

HighandAllMighty: sweet. Honestly I'm just dazing in and out atm. Me and my family just ate and my dad is trying to start shit again. HighandAllMighty: so the usual bs

AnAnxiousTeen: I'm so sorry.. I wish I could help you.

HighandAllMighty: Nah, don't be. U should probably start your letter.

AnAnxiousTeen: Well you know I hate writing them so I'd rather not heh

HighandAllMighty: hey, can I ask u something kinda important?

AnAnxiousTeen: Sure! Ask away!

HighandAllMighty: can we FaceTime? HighandAllMighty: I know u might not want to bc of ur anxiety HighandAllMighty: it was just something I wanted to try, if you wanted to at least

AnAnxiousTeen: I'm.. not sure.. I need time to think this over. AnAnxiousTeen: My mom is still home, so I can't right now.

HighandAllMighty: I understand. It's ok

Evan was trying not to freak out.

He was scared. He was scared he'd disappoint High. Incredibly scared of the mental image he imaged him looking like and being a huge let down and not being able to say anything and make things ten times worse than what they are and-

"Honey! I'm heading out! There's a twenty on the counter! Please get something to eat while I'm gone! Love you, bye!" Heidi called from downstairs, pulling Evan out of his thoughts. A moment later a door closing could be heard.

Evan sighed and ran his fingers through his messy blonde hair. There was another complication; he had completely fallen for High, one hundred percent in love.

HighandAllMighty: ah man, I'm rlly srry. My dad is gonna take my phone. HighandAllMighty: we'll talk later, k?

AnAnxiousTeen: I understand. I'll see you when you get back!

HighandAllMighty: in one week. Bye bud

Evan laid down on his bed. A whole week?! This obviously wasn't the first time it happened, but would that stop him from missing him? No. Definitely not. It'd be a lonely week without him.

This would be a long week

~~~ It was only Tuesday.

High had his phone taken on Saturday, so they were completely out of touch for tree days straight so far, and Evan was miserable and lonely.

Evan was sitting in his room, unenthusiastically working on homework. He was sinking into a depressive state. He'd never admit to it, but there was something wrong, that he just wasn't happy. He let out a sigh, setting his pencil down and grabbing his phone. The only notifications he had was some posts from people he liked, and a text from Jared.

Jared K: U have math done?

Evan H: -Evan H has sent a picture-

Jared K: thanks

Well, that made Evan feel even more like shit. It made him feel like Jared would only miss him for his car insurance if he suddenly disappeared. Hell, his mom would have it easier if he was gone. And High.. he was just a burden to him. Fuck it, he needed to vent.

AnAnxiousTeen has posted a status update: I'm always being told that things will get better, that I'll find someway to deal with my social anxiety, but nothing is seeming to be working. No one would notice if I suddenly left, if this account was suddenly shut down, maybe except for @HighandAllMighty but if I'm being honest, I'd be doing him a favor. I wish that things were different. I wish that anything I said mattered to anyone. Because let's face it. Would anyone here notice if I disappeared tomorrow?

After posting his update, he got a handful of responses, that mainly said stuff among the lines of "I'd notice! Please don't do anything rash!". It didn't feel real to Evan. He knew how this stuff worked. After a week of his death, people would forget him. All he could think of was how thankful his anxiety held him back from another attempt.

AnAnxiousTeen has posted a status update: If a tree falls in a forest, and no one is around to hear it, does it ever make a sound?

There was a lot of debate about this one. No one saw the hidden subtext, that he fell-no, let go of the branch that was holding him and was now restrained to a cast. It made his stomach do a cartwheel at the thought.

AnAnxiousTeen has posted a status update: Sorry for all the depressing stuff tonight. I'm going offline to hit the hay early.

Well, that wasn't a total lie. He had homework to do first, then he'd probably lay in bed till sleep took him away.

And that's exactly what he did.

~~~ HighandAllMighty: why didn't you tell me how you were feeling?

High was back, early, and Evan was downright terrified.

Unlike before, he used almost perfect spelling and grammar, something he'd only do in serious situations. Evan hated confrontation, so so much.

AnAnxiousTeen: I'm sorry.. I didn't want to be a burden...

HighandAllMighty: you could never burden me with your problems. HighandAllMighty: we have to look out for each other, otherwise we'll loose us both. HighandAllMighty: I want to video chat with you. I want to see /you/. Let me help you. Please

Evan didn't really think when he answered. He didn't consider what his anxiety was telling him. He just had to make it up to High, especially with what he just put him through.

AnAnxiousTeen: Of course, just give me a few minutes to set up.

HighandAllMighty: thank you. I mean it

Evan let out a puff of air and set his phone down. His mom was home but sleeping, so he'd have to be quiet and not talk to loud, which wasn't a problem because he's.. him. He grabbed a set of dark blue headphones (he preferred them because they felt more comfortable on his ear) and plugged them into his phone. He made sure they worked okay and sent High a message.

AnAnxiousTeen: I'm ready. Can you send the request?

-HighandAllMighty has sent you a Face Time Request!-

-x Accept x or x Decline x-

Evan hesitantly hit the accept key and sat down on his bed, tidying up his shirt and hair while it loaded. Things'll be fine. They'll be perfectly okay. Just stay completely calm, don't fuck anything up, and your guys' friendship will be saved.

A minute later, the Face Time had finished loading, and on Evan's screen he was greeted to a pale skinned boy with long brown hair that went down to his shoulders, his eyes were blue but they had this brown glint to them that really made them stand out and made them so much more mesmerizing. He was wearing a simple black hoodie and the rest of his outfit Evan couldn't see.

The room Evan assumed was High's was messy, to say the least. Evan never understood how people could find what they needed in a mess. That's why he kept everything organized and clean, so if he needed to find anything, he could right away. It was an anxiety thing he couldn't get over. Evan also noticed the contrast of dark colors in High's room, that was mainly dark purple and black for the most part. Evan knew High enjoyed dark colors rather than light ones it made sense to why his room was painted that way.

Holy fuck was he hot or what?

"Um, hi! C-can you hear me o-okay?" Evan asked nervously, adjusting his headphones ever so slightly. He could hear some shuffling around so he took that as a good sign.

"Yeah, you're good. What about me on your end?" High asked, leaning back.

"Yo-you're good too," Evan nodded, confirming that he could hear him quite well. "Why did you w-want to call?"

"Well one, I wanted to see what you looked like, and two, I need to ask you a few other things, and this is the best way to see if you're lying or not," he simply said, shrugging his shoulders.

"O-okay, ask a-away," Evan smiled, shuffling slightly on his bed to get comfortable, waiting for whatever High was about to ask.

High inhaled, staying silent for a moment, before asking, "..Are you suicidal?"

Evan immediately tensed up. He hadn't put much thought into being depressed or suicidal, although he had those thoughts a lot he couldn't possibly be.. right? "I.. I don't know, a-actually... It could be a p-possibility, I do get suicidal thoughts and... a lot of self h-hate..."

High nodded slowly, picking at what appeared to be black nail polish. "Well, have you ever... attempted?"

Evan bit his lip, and he turned his gaze to his cast, although it wasn't planned, it still counted as one. He simply nodded his head. "It's.. s-scary..."

High let out a sigh. "I know the feeling all too well.. Just, wanting it all to end, but yet your anxiety is telling you not to, and you get so afraid.. I dunno, it's a reminder that you're still human I guess, attempting or not.."

"Honestly, it's m-my anxiety holding me b-back from trying a-again.. I'm scared I-I'll fail again.." Evan chuckled meekly, picking at his cast's plaster.

"Well, I'm glad," High smiled at him. "You don't know how much better you've made my life. I.. probably would've attempted again if I didn't know you.."

"Same with m-me. I'm.. so, so a-alone at school, I don't have any f-friends, and I was-well, still kinda- miserable. But, when we started t-talking, I didn't feel as alone a-anymore.." Evan admitted, blushing lightly.

"I wish I could meet you," High admitted. "I can tell no one's signed your cast still, and I really wanna fucking sign it. I.. I want to be by your side... Helping you order food, keeping you company, hell, I even know a few places down here you'd fucking adore and I know it.."

Evan smiled like a complete dork at these things. "That's s-so sweet.. You probably w-wouldn't like to meet me though.. I-I'd be so awkward.."

"Hey, don't put yourself down like that. I prefer awkward over cocky assholes any day," High said. "And like, not to mention you're a fucking amazing guy. Any girl would- fuck how do I phrase this?- well, she'd be pretty lucky to be with a guy like you," High told him, a noticeable blush appearing on his cheeks.

Evan blushed probably more than what he should've, but he couldn't help it. No one except his mom had said this type of stuff to him. "Honestly, t-thank you.."

"Okay, secondly, I need to tell you something really important. I hope it won't weird you out or anything but here it goes.. I really, really like you- and I don't mean that in the friendly way, I mean like- fuck this is harder to explain than I thought. Look.. I'm, head over heels in love with you, man.." High finished.

Evan was in pure shock. He had his hand on his mouth and felt like he could've cried. All that his mind could register was he liked him back. Holy fuck, he never thought he'd see the day his feelings would be returned. He could process words, he moved his hand away from his mouth, revealing a huge smile he was wearing and said hand anxiously ran through his hair.

"Holy f-fuck.. I.. I didn't think you'd l-like me back, so I never said anything.. Oh my god, t-this is incredible!" Evan admitted, watching the brunette's shocked expression turn into a smile.

"Holy shit, you actually like me?" High asked, and Evan nodded to him, he'd proudly admit to it, because now he had nothing else to loose.

"Does this mean we're like.. a thing or..?" High trailed off, and Evan laughed, saying, "Maybe! I t-think We should try."

High smiled at him, "I'd love to date you.. even if it's long distance.."

"Can I a-ask you something?" Evan smiled sheepishly, tugging lightly at his shirt while High responded with a "You can ask me anything you want to."

"What-what's your a-actual name?" Evan asked slowly, as stated earlier, they both kept their names a secret for privacy, but Evan was too curious to contain himself from keeping the question residing in his mind.

"It's Connor. What about you?" High- no, Connor returned his question, gazing at him with a loving gaze.

"I l-like to go by Evan.." Evan hoped that would satisfy him, because who'd want to date a guy with a name like Mark? No one, that's for sure.

"It suits you," Connor stated. "A wonderful name for a wonderful boy."

Evan flushed at his comment. "Well er- it's n-not as beautiful as 'Connor'. It, it fits you, so so well.."

"Are you calling me beautiful?" Connor teased him, and Evan just laughed.

The two ended up chatting for an entire two hours, enjoying whatever they could get out of each other's presence. They were both hopelessly in love, despite distance keeping them apart, they hoped they would one day meet in person.

That would be more than enough for them both.

A/N-I fucking love this AU so much?? I loved writing every second of it,and going over 2000 words better prove it.

Anyways I'm opening up requests! I don't have a lot of ideas so please request so I can keep updating this book! Thanks a ton!