#stray kids romance fic

[suengmi]

arguing with seungmin bc he doesnt display his affection in public so you think he’s embarrassed of you or doesnt love you. hurt/comfort pls

genre: long time friends to lovers, romance, angst/hurt, gn!reader warnings: cuss words, lil heated smoochin, mentions of intimacy, drinking/mentions of alcohol, eating/food, mentions of anxiety, not completely proof read!!!! i will fix any mistakes in morning!! word count: .............3k.... oops -- part 2 -- part 3

a/n: omg absolutely!!! i hope you like what i've written!!!!! i rly enjoyed writing this also seungmin doesn't get enough love... ill die on that hill anon

but yeah i did a bit of a back story for this and got carried away WHY DO I HAVE TO GO SO HARD I HAVE THINGS TO DO

♫ currently: running through the rain - yugyeom

╌╌╌╌ "is it me?"

you remember the first time you met seungmin. it was in year 11 high school, a while back now. you remember how it was raining the day you met, you remember how he was sitting in your allocated seat (the back row on the left). you remember how it was science class with the teacher who had bad teeth. you remember his bug eyes wide while scrolling through his phone and his fringe sitting on the top of his square glasses. you thought he was cute, in his own world mindlessly focused on his phone.

and you especially remember the way his head turned slightly as he was looking at his phone, bottom lip gently being chewed on while he was deep in thought.

but all of that seems distant now when you can feel the lump in your throat, almost like you're going to cough. "i think i like you?" you say in a confused tone, basically like a question you probably meant to think and not say out loud.

it had been about 7 years since you'd known seungmin, best friends ever since. he had been there through everything. your break ups, your ups and downs and you for his. you'd seen each other naked, seen the worst of each other but also the best. you had grown together as friends but more importantly as individuals. he cooked and you cleaned, it was a give and take.

seungmin had recently broken up with his partner of 2 years, and for some reason everything about them gave you the irk. the way they looked at him, the way they talked to him and especially the way they kissed him. every time you witnessed the displays of affection, a low twinge would sink into your chest. 'i just don't like them.' you'd say whenever seungmin confronted you about your attitude.

"you what?" seungmin laughs lightly, attention turning from the tv to you, chowing down on the kebab he had bought after you and your friends had a night out.

you take a sip of the coke in your hand, "yeah, i dunno."

seungmin laughs once more before realising that you might be serious. his expression turns sour, lip curling upward, "psh, you wish." he jokes, trying to brush off the probably drunk talk.

you needed to try something.

"seungmin, hey." you try to say softly, but it comes out more like a demand for attention. "i'm gonna try something."

he turns his gaze to you, eyebrows raised and mouth probably still full of kebab and kind of looking like a chipmunk. you stare at his lips, and you feel like he knows what you're going to do in a way. he swallows, but does nothing, just sits still and waits for your next move.

your kiss is gentle, lips just barely pressing to his. but within a moment you feel him press back against you, almost aggressively. it sends jolts down to your lower stomach, strokes of tingles running up and down your body. you can feel the way he's asking for permission to enter, just to taste a bit more.

so you allow him entry, feeling the softness of his breath against your lips as he changes directions. you let out a soft whine as he kisses you deeper, his body now aiming to lean over yours.

"'fuck.'" you pull back before he can deepen the kiss that's possibly gone too far. he's left slightly confused, but continues to take another bite of his kebab, as if nothing happened.

you groan in annoyance, arms falling beside you, coke spilling on the ground. "fuck, i do like you."

he chuckles, definitely not even worried about what just happened, "makes sense why you didn't like my ex, how long?"

-

you didn't talk for a day after, trying to process everything that happened. you left his house without a single thought, fleeing the crime scene you left behind.

it was a waiting game, seeing who would cave an text first. it wasn't like you hadn't kissed him before, a few times over the years - just as an affectionate gesture of how much you loved your best friends (which mostly happened when you were drunk).

as if ripping you from your thoughts you hear your phone buzzing on your lap.

"shit." you mumble under your breath, looking at the flashing photo of seungmin. it was one he sent you back in your days at university together when he did a charity event for kids. extra credit and all.

you let out a defeated groan, flapping your hands on the couch. you let out a held breath, composing yourself in time to answer the phone, you know that he'll just call ten more times if you don't answer, he always did.

"what?" you say stern, it was common for you to answer the phone like this.

"what?" seungmin mocks you before speaking plainly, "what you doin' tomorrow?"

you get up from the couch, walking towards your bedroom just to get your body to move. "nothing, day off."

"let's go out."

-

so yeah, this is how you ended up in this situation. you had been out a few times, just getting dinner but everything seemed normal at first? he hadn't made a move, just bought you dinner and taken you out more than usual. he didn't hug you like he used to, if anything he was keeping his physical distance. you were beginning to think he just wanted to forget about it, the kiss and the whole damn night of flirting you seemed to forget you did. it had been a month since this mess, a damn month.

you had spoken to a few of your other friends about it but no one had answers. anxiety welled up in your chest anytime you wanted to bring it up, knowing that the answer might not be the one you want.

it was getting to the point where you could barely sleep.

-

it was about the seventh time seungmin had invited you out on a 'date'. the clouds were hovering in the sky, looming over as if a bad omen. you two had decided to go and get some new clothes, but ended up with nothing but bubble tea and a few snacks, a recurring theme in your friendship all these years.

seungmin was talking about a new game he was playing, speaking intently about how his kill count was better than the rest of your friend group.

you looked down at his hand, just hanging by his side idly. you wanted to hold it, to feel his hands in yours. you were desperate to know what it was like with these new found feelings. to get even just a taste of the feeling you had that night you kissed.

so in step, you muster the courage to do so. you grab one of his fingers as you both continued to talk, hoping he would think nothing of it. unfortunately you were met by a jolt, seungmin pulling his hand back within a second.

he pretended it didn't happen, continuing to talk about whatever he was just now.

you stop in your tracks. it only took him a moment to notice, his expression blank as he turns to you. "you good?" he questions, taking a sip of his bubble tea.

"is it me?" you spit, anger laced in your tone.

"what?"

"what the fuck are we doing seungmin? is it me?"

he lets out a breath, rolling his eyes, as if he know exactly what he was doing. "i don't know what you mean."

he was playing dumb. he knows exactly what he did, he knows exactly how you feel. he's the one that asked you out, he's the one who asked to take this further.

"we go on dates, well," you huff, "not even-"

"and?" he questions interrupting you, feigning ignorance slapped on his face.

"are you... embarrassed of this? of what we're doing? are you just doing this not to hurt me? the fuck is wrong with you?"

he licks his lips, eyes avoiding you at all costs. "i genuinely don't know what you mean."

you scoff, the audacity of him taking you by surprise. "don't play dumb."

he says nothing, eyes downcast and guilty.

"you don't just- just kiss me back, then call me and ask me out and leave me hanging for a fucking month, a month seungmin! if you don't have feelings for me then fucking tell me. i'm not a little fucking baby, i can handle it." you feel tears well in your eyes, your tone accusatory and pointed.

''it's not that-"

you control yourself, resisting the urges to cry, "oh what is it then? you just enjoying playing with me like you played with your ex for those last six months?"

seungmin juts his jaw, anger sudden and present in his expression. "that's unfair."

you smile in disbelief, tongue running over your teeth, feeling almost insane at this point. "it's not."

you both stand in silence, trying to grasp at the right words to say but you're just hurt. so fucking hurt and you don't know if you'll ever be able to recover from this. seungmin knows you hate dishonesty even if it hurts, but he can't muster the courage to tell you what's really bothering him. you're surprised by his next move.

"it's you!" he blurts out, definitely yelling at this point.

"oh so it is me? i'm the fucking problem?! are you that embarrassed to be with me? do you just...not love me? ugh, fuck you seung-"

he raises his free hand forward in submission, trying to rectify his point, "it's because it's you. it's just... you." his expression turns somber as he speaks.

you frown, mouth open ready to say something, nothing comes out but, "elaborate."

seungmin sighs before throwing his bubble tea now empty into his bag. "it's just..." he trails off. you give him a moment. he had always been like this, not knowing the right words to say.

"i've been having trouble with... this." he speaks slowly, his eyes avoiding your own, gesturing between the two of you.

"obviously," you say in a snarky tone.

seungmin points to the set of benches near by. you walk before him, sitting down on the bench. he slowly sits next to you, little too close for the moment, his thigh is basically melded against your own. you were used to it after all, knowing each other all these years. closeness wasn't something you were afraid of but now, it made you uneasy.

"i know you like to interrupt but just... hear me out, okay?"

your lips curl to the side as you fold your arms over your chest at his remark, he's right though.

you just nod, willing to hear what your best friend has to say. any answer is better than not knowing what the hell was going on.

"that night you kissed me," he begins, looking out to the dark clouds, "it honestly... i don't even know what to think of it. i kept replaying it in my head, it's not like we haven't kissed before you know, and the fact that i kissed you back..."

you nod at him, understanding what he's beginning to say. fuck, he's going to do it. he's going to break my fucking heart.

he sighs, his hands fumbling in front of him, "it kind of makes sense doesn't it? you know my ex and i... i was completely empty for those last six months. they started to, i guess, notice things about you."

you frown in thought trying to put a finger on what he was talking about, arms still folded in front of you.

he starts speaking again after taking in a deep breath. "there was a night before we broke up. they couldn't stand you, couldn't stand the relationship we had and how long we had been friends. i just assumed it was because they were insecure, not because of us. but i think-" he pauses for a moment, gathering his thoughts, "i think they knew you liked me and that i favoured you over them. maybe they just saw it before we did."

you speak after a moment of silence, "before saw what? our feelings?"

"yeah," seungmin laughs, his head jerking to the side, "sexual tension so thick you could cut it with knife apparently."

you hum, kind of picking up the pieces now, sensing the direction it's going. "alright..."

he stands up and speaks plainly while walking in a circle, feet kicking some rocks on the ground, "you know every time you've stayed over, prior to you know, that night. i honestly just..."

"seungmin-" you interrupt, standing from your seat.

"let me finish." he says sternly, eyes still wondering around anywhere but you. "after we broke up, i started noticing things about you. like... things. maybe even before."

you hum, sucking on your top lip, listening intently to what he's saying. you're doing your best not to interrupt, words practically wanting to jump out of your mouth but you know he needs some time to speak carefully, to form the words he needs.

"you remember when you stayed at mine the night after i broke up with my ex?"

you think hard, remembering how confused he was that it happened. he never told you the exact details of what went on but you know if it was necessary to tell you he would of.

"mhm..." you nod, letting him continue.

"i thought, i thought i was just looking for comfort. you're my best fucking friend, and yeah, that's what best friend's do you know? and what i was thinking about you was just... nah. i hated myself for it, hated that i looked at you differently. hated that my ex knew exactly what i was thinking without me even knowing. it just all makes sense but, but now. what they said made so much sense, everything i do ends up with you, it always has."

he takes another breath in, hands messily pushing his hair back. he looks frustrated, like he's saying the wrong words.

"when you were in my bed that night, in my t-shirt, the one you always wear when you come over. saying you like how it smells every damn time you wear it, it drives me insane."

seungmin sits back down, his eyes tense and searching yours. it's silent for a moment. he nudges your leg, "help me out, please?"

you laugh, grin spreading across your face, kindness in your tone as you speak, "i thought you told me not to speak."

he was just scared. just scared of this. scared of what this would become. and you were too, he just showed it differently than you did.

he smiles softly, realising that he should have come to you, talk to instead of pushing you away. he huffs, "am i making any sense?"

"yeah, not really."

he sighs, rubbing his face in his hands. "i'm sorry. i'm just not sure how to go about this, and i just, feel like i'm doing something wrong if you want to touch me. i know you want to take this further and trust me i do as well but i'm just so fucking nervous. i don't know why, i've seen you naked a bunch of times and not cared."

"here," you say holding out your hand, "gimme."

he's hesitant for a bit, turning his eyes to ogle down at your hand, nerves building in his body. as soon as he feels his skin come in contact with yours, all the blood in his body seems to streamline straight to his hands, fingers alighting when he softly presses his palm into yours, carefully melding your fingers together.

"this okay?" you question, searching his face for answers.

"yeah... yeah it is."

"you could have just told me." you scoff, "you're such a bitch when it comes to your feelings."

he laughs at your remark but doesn't retort, just stands up pulling you with him. "where we going? we're not done!"

you walk hand in hand for a bit, checking in with him every now and then to see if he's okay with this. you don't want him to jolt again, nightmare fuel that was. you both agree that you'll talk more in depth when you get back his, knowing it's important to communicate since this is a seven year friendship, not just someone you had a meet-cute with. you end up talking about his game again, and notice how he squeezes you hand slightly whenever he gets excited.

-

the clouds had finally let out the rain they had been holding in since the morning, it throws you back to the day you met seungmin. but all of this, it still feels surreal, fairies dancing in your heart making it thump with excitement.

it didn't take long until you're both splayed out in the back seat of his car, your body on top of his. not one of you dare speak a word, not wanting to ruin this perfect moment of white noise from the rain mixed in with the sound of your own heated breaths.

you had so many questions, so many things you needed to know. when did he start? did he always like me?

but for now, with his soft large lips against your neck, trailing their way to your jaw slowly and precisely, you knew it was all you needed.

it was always you, always had been.

-

a/n: I THINK I WANNA DO A PART 2???????? HELLA maybe ill make it smutty

this was way longer then i was gonna make it fuck sake i always do this alkjsdlkajdljaslkjsj

[dandelions-143]

Exile

Changbin Masterlist

All member Masterlist

AN: Sorry I’ve been MIA! I’ve had horrible writers block. Also sorry if this isn’t up to my usual standards. I’m slowly clawing my way out of this damned block. I hope you enjoy!

Pairing:Non-idol,bad boy Changbinxidol/Celebrity Y/n

Word Count: 3,250k

Warnings: this one’s pretty tame (for now) MDNI, 18+ ONLY, Emotional manipulation, Heartbreak and relationship struggles, Implied violence, Alcohol consumption (setting in a bar), Unwanted advances/harassment, Mild physical violence, Intense emotions and confrontations, References to criminal activities

Summary: Y/n decided to end things with Changbin years ago to pursue her dreams. But what happens when she comes face to face with the man she left behind but could never forget?

You sat on the worn wooden steps of your childhood home's front porch, the familiar creaks beneath you a comforting reminder of countless summers past. The warm evening air caressed your skin, carrying with it the sweet scent of blooming jasmine from your mother's garden. As the sun dipped below the horizon, it painted the sky in a breathtaking array of colors - deep oranges melting into soft pinks and vibrant purples. You closed your eyes, inhaling deeply, savoring this moment of tranquility.

The peaceful scene was suddenly shattered by the distant roar of a motorcycle engine, growing louder with each passing second. Your eyes flew open, heart already beginning to race as you recognized the familiar sound. The old black Harley-Davidson - the very one you'd clung to Changbin on during countless midnight rides - came into view, its chrome accents glinting in the fading light.

Changbin smoothly brought the bike to a stop just a few feet away, the engine's rumble fading to a low purr before he cut it off completely. With practiced ease, he swung his leg over the seat and removed his helmet. Your breath caught in your throat as he shook out his dark hair, mussed from the ride. His eyes, deep and intense, found yours immediately. A smirk played on his lips as he approached, and you couldn't help but notice how his leather jacket hugged his broad shoulders, how his faded jeans clung to his muscular thighs.

"Hey, you," Changbin said, his voice warm and rich like honey. He reached for your hands, pulling you up from the steps and into his strong arms. The familiar scent of his cologne - a heady mix of sandalwood and something uniquely him - enveloped you. Your heart raced, squeezing tightly in your chest as he leaned in for a kiss. Despite every fiber of your being screaming to give in, to melt into his warm embrace, you turned your head at the last second, his lips grazing your cheek instead.

Confusion flickered across Changbin's handsome features as he pulled back slightly, his hands still resting on your arms. "What's wrong, Y/n?" he asked, his brow furrowing with concern. You couldn't bring yourself to meet his gaze, knowing that if you did, your resolve might crumble entirely. Instead, you focused on a point just past his shoulder, swallowing hard against the lump forming in your throat.

"I'm leaving," you said quietly, the words hanging heavy in the air between you. "The company I auditioned for... they called. They want me as a trainee." You risked a glance at Changbin's face, watching as understanding dawned in his dark eyes. He knew how much this meant to you, how long you'd dreamed of becoming a singer. You'd spent countless nights talking about your aspirations, Changbin always your most ardent supporter.

For a moment, Changbin was silent, his eyes searching your face. You could almost see the gears turning in his mind, processing this new information. Then, like the sun breaking through storm clouds, his expression softened into that easy smile you loved so much. "You got it?!" he exclaimed, his eyes lighting up with genuine excitement. "Y/n, that's incredible!"

Unable to contain your own smile despite the heaviness in your heart, you nodded. Changbin pulled you into a tight hug, his strong arms enveloping you completely. You buried your face in the crook of his neck, breathing in his familiar scent as he whispered, "I'm so proud of you, Y/n. I always knew you could do it."

"Thank you," you murmured softly, your lips brushing against the warm skin of his neck. The moment was bittersweet, joy and sorrow intertwining in your chest. When Changbin moved to kiss you again, swept up in the excitement, you reluctantly stepped back. The hurt and confusion that flashed across his face made your heart ache.

"What's going on, Y/n?" Changbin asked, his voice soft but laced with growing concern. "Talk to me." You took a deep breath, steeling yourself for the words you knew you had to say, even though they threatened to tear you apart.

"I think... I think it's best if we take a break, Changbin," you said, your voice barely above a whisper. Your fingers unconsciously went to the promise ring on your left hand - the one he'd given you on your 16th birthday. The metal felt cold against your skin as you twisted it nervously. "Just for a while..."

Changbin's face fell, the joy from moments ago replaced by a look of utter devastation. "A break?" he repeated, as if saying the words aloud might change their meaning. "Y/n, we've been best friends since we were kids. We've been together for years. I don't understand..."

Your eyes burned with unshed tears as you struggled to explain. "I can't ask you to wait for me, Changbin. To put your life on hold while I'm off chasing my dreams. It's not fair to either of us." Your voice cracked on the last word, betraying the emotions you were desperately trying to keep in check.

The silence that followed was deafening. You watched as Changbin's jaw clenched, his eyes flickering with a storm of emotions - hurt, anger, confusion, and something that looked dangerously close to heartbreak. The tension between you grew thick, suffocating, as you waited for him to say something, anything.

Finally, Changbin spoke, his voice low and strained. "Is this really what you want?" His eyes bore into yours, a mixture of pain and resignation evident in their depths. You felt your resolve wavering under the intensity of his gaze, but you knew you had to stay strong - for both your sakes.

"No," you admitted, shaking your head. "It's not what I want at all. But sometimes... sometimes we have to do things we don't want to do. For the greater good." The words sounded hollow even to your own ears, but you pressed on. "We both need to focus on our dreams right now, Changbin. Without distractions."

Changbin's head dropped, his gaze fixed on the ground between you. When he spoke again, his voice was barely audible. "What if my dream is you?" The raw vulnerability in his words made your heart clench painfully. You reached out, gently lifting his chin so his eyes met yours once more.

"Changbin, I..." you started, but the words caught in your throat as you saw the depth of emotion in his gaze. How could you explain that your dreams had always included him, that the thought of a future without him by your side felt incomplete? But you also knew that this opportunity was one you couldn't pass up, even if it meant sacrificing what you held most dear.

He took your hand in his, bringing it to his lips and placing a soft kiss on your knuckles. The tenderness of the gesture nearly broke you. "Please," Changbin said, his voice rough with emotion. "You know I don't beg, Y/n, but I love you so much. We can make this work. Long-distance, whatever it takes. I'll wait for you, I'll-“

The intensity of his words, the depth of his love, stirred something within you - a mixture of longing and frustration. You pulled your hand away, taking a step back to create some distance between you. "Changbin, please," you said, your voice cracking. "Please don't make this harder than it already is. We both know long-distance relationships rarely work, especially with the demands of being a trainee. I can't ask you to put your life on hold for me."

Changbin ran his fingers through his hair, messing it up in that way that always made him look irresistibly handsome. His face was a canvas of conflicting emotions - hurt, anger, and love all warring for dominance. He took a step towards you, his eyes never leaving yours. The air between you crackled with tension, a potent mixture of longing and the painful reality of your impending separation.

"But this isn't what you want," Changbin argued, a hint of desperation creeping into his voice. "You just said-"

"Changbin!" You cut him off, your own emotions finally bubbling to the surface. "I want you, but I want my dream more!" The words left your mouth before you could fully consider their impact, hanging in the air like a physical blow.

You watched as Changbin's expression hardened, his loving gaze turning cold as your words hit him. He stood there for a long moment, just watching you, his face becoming an unreadable mask. When he finally spoke, his voice was low and controlled, but you could hear the hurt and anger simmering beneath the surface.

"I hope your dream ends up being exactly what you wanted, Y/n," he said, each word carefully measured. His jaw clenched, and you could see the storm of emotions raging in his eyes. Without another word, Changbin turned on his heel, striding back to his motorcycle with purposeful steps.

The roar of the engine starting up felt like a physical blow. You wanted to call out to him, to take back your words and beg him to stay. But you remained rooted to the spot, watching as Changbin sped away, leaving you alone on the porch with nothing but the fading sound of his motorcycle and the weight of your words.

As his silhouette disappeared into the distance, the finality of the moment crashed over you. Tears that you had been holding back finally spilled over, running hot down your cheeks. You sank back onto the porch steps, your body shaking with silent sobs as the reality of what you had just done began to sink in. The promise ring on your finger felt impossibly heavy, a constant reminder of the love you were leaving behind in pursuit of your dreams.

🥀

SEVEN YEARS LATER

The neon lights of Seoul's bustling streets reflected off the gleaming chrome of Changbin's motorcycle as he weaved through the late-night traffic. The cool night air whipped against his face, a stark contrast to the heat of adrenaline coursing through his veins. He had a job to do, a task given to him by Chan's father - to teach a lesson to someone who had dared to cross their organization.

Changbin's mind raced as he navigated the city, his thoughts a mix of anticipation for the job ahead and memories of how he'd ended up in this life. The years since you'd left had hardened him, transforming the once carefree teenager into a man accustomed to violence and danger. Being the muscle for Chan's father's organization had become second nature to him, each job a reminder of the path he'd chosen after his heart was broken.

As he approached the upscale hotel, its towering structure a beacon of luxury in the night, Changbin's expression settled into one of grim determination. He parked his motorcycle in a secluded corner of the lot, his eyes scanning the area with the practiced vigilance of someone who lived on the edge of the law. The weight of his leather jacket, a second skin after all these years, felt comforting as he adjusted it and ran a hand through his hair, mentally preparing for what lay ahead.

The hotel's opulent lobby was a stark contrast to the gritty world Changbin now inhabited. Crystal chandeliers cast a soft glow over marble floors, and the air was heavy with the scent of expensive perfumes and polished wood. He moved with purpose, his presence drawing curious glances from the well-heeled patrons, unaware of the storm that was about to break in their midst.

The bar, tucked away in a dimly lit corner of the lower level, was Changbin's destination. The muted sounds of clinking glasses and hushed conversations grew louder as he descended the stairs. His eyes, sharp and alert, scanned the room, quickly identifying his target - a man whose hands were wandering too freely over an clearly uncomfortable young woman at the bar.

Changbin's jaw clenched, a mix of disgust at the man's behavior and a flicker of something else - a memory of a time when he would have defended you with the same fierce protectiveness. He strode forward, his presence commanding attention even before he reached the pair. Without hesitation, he gripped the back of the man's neck, his voice low and dangerous as he growled, "I believe she's not interested."

The man's eyes widened in recognition and fear, realizing too late the gravity of his situation. "Hey man," he stammered, hands raised in a futile gesture of innocence, "I just wanted to talk to her, I'm a huge fan of Y/n's."

At the mention of your name, Changbin's world tilted on its axis. His head snapped to the right, eyes locking with yours, and for a moment, time stood still. The years melted away, and he was once again the boy who had loved you with every fiber of his being. Recognition dawned on both your faces, a maelstrom of emotions - surprise, nostalgia, and unresolved feelings - crackling in the air between you.

The moment was shattered as quickly as it had formed. Changbin's anger, fueled by the shock of seeing you and the audacity of the man who had dared to touch you, surged back with renewed intensity. His grip on the man's neck tightened, eyes blazing with a fury that made even hardened criminals cower. "Wait, wait!" the man begged, his voice rising in panic, "Tell the boss I'm sorry, yeah?! I'll have his mo-"

Changbin's fist connected with the man's face before he could finish his plea, the sickening crack of bone echoing through the bar. The man crumpled to the floor, unconscious, as Changbin stood over him, chest heaving with exertion and barely contained rage. Every instinct screamed at him to continue, to unleash years of pent-up frustration and pain on this unfortunate soul, but he reined himself in, acutely aware of your presence and the line he couldn't afford to cross.

Slowly, he turned back to you, his dark eyes burning with an intensity that made your breath catch in your throat. The years had changed him, sculpting the boy you once knew into a man of dangerous allure. His face, once soft with youth, was now chiseled and sharp, a hint of stubble adding to his rugged appeal. The lean teenager had been replaced by a man of solid muscle, his presence commanding and undeniably magnetic.

For a moment, you both stood frozen, the air thick with unspoken words and lingering emotions. Changbin's intense gaze softened almost imperceptibly as he took in your appearance, noting how you'd changed yet remained achingly familiar. The silence stretched between you, filled with a potent mixture of tension and an undeniable spark of the connection you once shared.

“Changbin..” is all you could get past your lips. It’s like all the things you had ever wanted to say to him over the years just disappeared the moment you locked eyes with him. He looked as if he was going to say something but the moment was broken by the sound of security guards rushing into the bar. Changbin's eyes darted towards the entrance, his body tensing as he assessed the situation.

You instinctively stepped between Changbin and the guy lying passed out on the floor. “It took you guys long enough.” Your tone as spoiled and condescending as you could make it. “That guys assaulted me. If it wasn’t for this man here, god knows what would have happened!” you placed a soft hand on Chanbgins shoulder. The security guards looked taken aback by your sudden outburst, their eyes darting between you, Changbin, and the unconscious man on the floor. Changbin's expression remained impassive, but you could sense the tension radiating from him as he stood silently by your side. The head of security stepped forward, his brow furrowed as he tried to make sense of the situation.

“Well?” You said with a bit of annoyance, “take him away!” The security guards exchanged glances before nodding and moving towards the unconscious man. As they hoisted him up and began to drag him away, you felt Changbin's muscles tense beneath your hand. You turned to face him, your heart racing as you realized the gravity of the situation you both found yourselves in.

“Uh, thanks.” Changbin mumbled before heading towards the exit. His stride were wide and rushed. You watched him leave with a mixture of longing and frustration. Your mind raced, trying to decide whether to follow him or let him go. Before you could make a decision, you felt a hand on your arm. Turning, you saw your manager, her face a mask of concern and confusion. “You okay? Let’s get you back up to your room. You have a shoot tomorrow.”

You sighed softly and turned back towards the exit, your heart racing as you caught a glimpse of Changbin's retreating figure. Without thinking, you brushed off your manager's hand and took a step forward. "I'm sorry, I need to do something," you said hurriedly, your voice barely above a whisper. Before your manager could protest, you were already moving, your feet carrying you swiftly towards the bar's entrance.

“Changbin!” You called as you tried to catch up, pushing through the double doors out into the parking lot where you saw Changbin getting onto his motorcycle. “Binnie!! Hey!” Changbin paused, his hand on the motorcycle's handlebar, and turned to face you. His expression was a mix of surprise and something unreadable as you approached, slightly out of breath. The parking lot lights cast long shadows across his face, accentuating the sharp angles that time had carved into his features.

"Y/n, don't call me that. You lost that privilege years ago." His words cut through the air, sharp and cold. You flinched, feeling the weight of time and unresolved emotions between you. Changbin's eyes, once so warm and full of love, now held a guarded look that made your heart ache.

It took you a moment to get the words out but you pushed through, “I know.. I just wanted to give you this.” You took a few short steps towards him. Grabbing his hand that rested on the handlebar and dug in your small bag for a pen. You wrote your number on his palm. Your fingers lingered for a moment, the touch sending a jolt of electricity through you both. "I... I'd like to talk, if you're willing," you said softly, your voice barely audible over the rumble of his motorcycle. Changbin's expression remained unreadable, but you noticed a flicker of something - curiosity, perhaps, or longing - in his eyes.

“And I'll be in town for a week, doing some press and things. Text me or call sometime.. I know we have a lot to catch up on, and... I'd like to clear the air between us if possible." You paused, searching Changbin's face for any sign of receptiveness. His jaw clenched, but he didn't immediately reject the idea. Taking a deep breath, you added softly, "I've missed you. More than you know."

Changbin looked down at the number messily scrawled onto his hand and without another word he revved his bike to life. The engine roared, drowning out any response he might have given. With one last lingering glance in your direction, his eyes a storm of conflicting emotions, he kicked the stand and peeled out of the parking lot. You watched his retreating form disappear into the night, the red glow of his taillights fading into the distance, leaving you alone with the weight of unspoken words and the faint hope of reconciliation.

🥀

The next day you had suffered through three boring and mundane interviews and now you were getting your make up and hair done for a Versace photo shoot. It was an honor of course but, you still felt so caged. Not to mention your mind kept drifting back to Changbin. Your thoughts swirled with memories of his intense gaze, the familiar rumble of his motorcycle, and the electricity that had sparked between you when your fingers touched. As you sat in the makeup chair, you found yourself wondering if he would call or text. The anticipation was both thrilling and nerve-wracking, making it difficult to focus on the glamorous world around you.

🥀

A few hours later the shoot had come to an end. Just as you were changing out of the gorgeous clothes you got to wear your phone buzzed. You fumbled with your bag trying to get it out as fast as you could. An unknown number popped up. You clicked on the message: You want to talk? I’ll be at the hotel around 10 to pick you up.” You automatically knew it was Changbin. Your finger hovered over the keys unsure of what to say so you just settled on: Okay, see you then.

Your manager burst into the dressing room, startling you and nearly causing you to drop your cell phone. "You did an amazing job, Y/n," she praised. "There's a party you need to attend tonight, so we've got to get going." SHe motioned for you to follow her out. As you settled into the black SUV that would take you back to your hotel, your mind raced with anticipation. You weren't just getting ready for a party—you were preparing to meet your long-lost love.

🥀

A couple of hours later, you stood in ripped jeans, a dark red lacy bralette, and your favorite baggy jean jacket. Your eyes lingered on the deep blue sequined dress you were supposed to wear to the party tonight. Your manager would be pissed... your company would be furious... but who cares? You deserved a little fun—a little adventure. Glancing at your phone, you saw it was ten minutes until Changbin's arrival. Your heart raced with anticipation.

You snatched your bag and cast a final glance in the mirror, your stomach aflutter with a cocktail of excitement and nerves. As you strode towards the door, a smile played on your lips at the thought of reuniting with Changbin. The familiar rush of defiance surged through you as you stepped into the hallway, ready to embrace whatever adventures the night held.

You took the stairwell to avoid any potential run ins with the staff or your manger. You let out a heavy sigh of relief once you were outside. The night air was warm and heavy with the sent of rain. You scanned the parking lot, your eyes searching for any sign of Changbin's motorcycle. Your heart skipped a beat when you finally spotted it, parked near the edge of the lot. As you approached, you saw him leaning against the bike, his dark silhouette illuminated by the soft glow of a streetlight.

Changbin's eyes met yours as you drew closer, his gaze intense and unreadable. The air between you crackled with unspoken tension, a mixture of anticipation and uncertainty. As you reached him, he wordlessly handed you a helmet, the gesture both familiar and strange after all these years apart. “You’re not going to put it on me? Like old times?” You were only half joking but, a part of you hoped he would do it again. It’s something you had always missed.

Changbins eyebrows drew together in an annoyed scowl, "Pretty sure you can do that on your own. You're a smart girl." He said gruffly as he put his own helmet on and straddled his bike. You felt a pang of disappointment at his cold response, but quickly pushed it aside. Swallowing your pride, you slipped the helmet on and climbed onto the back of the motorcycle, your arms hesitantly wrapping around Changbin's waist. The familiar warmth of his body against yours brought back a flood of memories, both sweet and painful.

As the engine roared to life, you tightened your grip instinctively, feeling the familiar thrill of anticipation coursing through your veins. Changbin kicked off, and the world around you blurred into a tapestry of lights and shadows. The wind whipped against your body, carrying with it the scent of leather and gasoline, a nostalgic reminder of countless nights spent racing through the city streets together.

His body had changed, more muscular and taut than you remembered, yet the way he leaned into the curves of the road was achingly familiar. You found yourself unconsciously matching his movements, your bodies in sync as you navigated the city streets. The contradiction of new and old, strange and familiar, sent a shiver down your spine that had nothing to do with the cool night air.

All too quickly his bike slowed down, coming to a stop outside what looked like a dilapidated hotel. As Changbin killed the engine, you couldn't help but feel a mixture of curiosity and apprehension. The building loomed before you, its weathered facade a stark contrast to the sleek modernity of your hotel. You hesitated for a moment, wondering what secrets this place held and why Changbin had brought you here.

Once his bike was turned off you you both were on your feet again you could hear the faint thump of loud music coming from somewhere inside the building. "Why are we here?" You asked more curious than you should be. Changbin's lips curled into a hint of a smile, the first you'd seen all night. "You wanted to talk, didn't you? Well, this is where I do my talking." He jerked his head towards the entrance, his eyes challenging you to follow. The pulsing beat grew louder as you approached, and you felt a familiar thrill of excitement mixed with apprehension.

The place was packed with people dancing, talking as they leaned up against the walls. There were people sitting in the stairwells making out, some were snorting some kind of white substance. You smelled alcohol and weed in the air as well. The scene was a sensory overload, a pulsating mass of bodies and vices that both thrilled and unnerved you. As you followed Changbin deeper into the crowd, you couldn't help but feel a mix of excitement and trepidation. This was clearly his world now, raw and uninhibited, so different from the polished veneer of your current life.

You grabbed onto Changbins thick arm, worried you may get lost in the sea of people. “What is this place?!” You yelled over the music. “I love it!” Changbin glanced back at you, a hint of amusement flickering in his eyes. "It's called The Underground," he shouted back, his voice barely audible over the pounding bass. "It's where people come to forget about the world outside." He led you through the writhing crowd, his hand finding yours in the chaos, sending a jolt of electricity through your body.

There was a room towards the back, there was no door but a dark crimson curtain separating this room from the crowd. He held the curtain open for you and you stepped inside, your eyes adjusting to the dimmer lighting. The room was smaller, more intimate, with plush velvet couches lining the walls and a few low tables scattered about. A handful of people lounged on the sofas, engaged in hushed conversations or lost in their own worlds. Changbin guided you to an empty couch in the corner, his hand on the small of your back sending shivers up your spine.

Just as you settled down on the couch a few people came up greeting Changbin with handshakes and slaps on the back. “Who’s your friend?” A very pretty blond guy with a scattering of freckles across his face asked. His eyes dancing with curiosity as he looked down at you. “Uh, this is Y/n. Y/n, this is Felix.” Changbin half heartedly introduced you to him. As Felix shook your hand his eyes grew wide with recognition. “Wait! Y/n?! The Y/n?!” Felix deep voice grew louder causing other curious eyes to look over at the commotion he was causing.

You blushed and nodded with a soft smile. "Hey Chan, Minho! Come here!" You glanced over at Changbin who was rolling his eyes and turning away. Two more guys approached, their eyes widening as they recognized you. Chan, a handsome man with curly hair, extended his hand with a warm smile. "It's an honor to meet you, Y/n. We've heard so much about you." Minho, standing beside him, nodded in agreement, his cat-like eyes sparkling with interest.

You cocked your head to the side and glanced over at Changbin again.. he talked about me? Or do they just know me from being a public figure? The question burned in your mind as you caught Changbin's eye, noticing a flicker of discomfort cross his face. Before you could dwell on it further, Felix's enthusiastic voice cut through your thoughts.

"Oh man, Changbin used to talk about you all the time! He'd go on and on about—" Felix's words were abruptly cut off as Changbin elbowed him sharply in the ribs, shooting him a warning glare. Chan seemed to notice Changbins discomfort and tugged on Felix’s shirt. “Come on, we have work to do. See you later Bin. Nice to meet you, again.” He nodded in your direction. Changbin's eyes narrowed as he watched his friends leave, a mixture of annoyance and embarrassment evident on his face. As silence fell between you two, the air grew thick with unspoken words and lingering questions. You couldn't help but wonder what exactly Changbin had said about you to his friends, and why he seemed so uncomfortable about it now.

"So… you wanted to talk?" Changbins harsh eyes turned their full attention to you, his gaze intense and unwavering. You felt your heart rate quicken under his scrutiny, a mix of nervousness and excitement coursing through your veins. Taking a deep breath, you steeled yourself for the conversation you'd been both longing for and dreading since you first saw him again.

“I..” you began but then closed your mouth trying to find the right words. “I’m sorry. I know the way I ended things was unfair to you. I was young and scared, and I didn't handle it well. I've regretted it ever since." You paused, searching Changbin's face for any reaction. His expression remained unreadable, but you could see a flicker of something - pain, perhaps? - in his eyes. "I've missed you," you admitted softly, your voice barely audible over the muffled music from outside.

You didn't expect Changbin to except your apology right away but, you didn't expect the words the came out of his mouth. "You're not fucking sorry." His voice was low and harsh, laced with a bitterness that made you flinch. "You left me without a second thought, and now you think you can just waltz back into my life with a half-assed apology?" Changbin's eyes burned with an intensity that both frightened and captivated you, his words cutting through the air like shards of glass.

You tore your eyes from his, “No.. I don’t think I’ll ever see you again after tonight. I just know I needed to say that to you. And to say.. I never stopped loving you.” You kept your eyes on the ground in front of you for a while longer. Unable to look him in the eyes as you said those words. “It looks like you’re doing… well for yourself.” You finally looked up at his handsome face. “Although.. you’re very different than the boy I once knew.”

Changbin's jaw clenched at your words, his eyes flashing with a mix of anger and something else? He leaned in closer, his voice low and intense. "You don't know anything about me anymore, Y/n. The boy you knew? He's long gone." His words hung heavy in the air between you, charged with unspoken emotions and years of unresolved feelings.

You couldn't help it.. one thing that hadn't changed between you two. Is when he pushed, you pushed back harder. "Then show me who you are now." Your eyes locked with his, a challenge burning in your gaze. Changbin's expression shifted, a dangerous glint appearing in his eyes. Without warning, he grabbed your wrist, pulling you closer to him. His grip was firm but not painful, his lips only a whisper from yours. “I don’t think you could handle who I am now.. I don’t fit into your perfect world, Y/n.”

Your breath caught in your throat, the tension between you palpable. Despite your better judgment, you found yourself leaning into him, drawn by the magnetic pull of his intensity. "Maybe I don't want to fit into that perfect world anymore," you whispered, your voice barely audible over the muffled bass from the other room. Changbin's eyes darkened, a mix of surprise and desire flickering across his face.

Changbins hand let go of your wrist, his dark brown eyes still locked on yours as his hands gripped onto your waist nearly pulling you into his lap. “Don’t say shit you don’t mean, little girl. My world is no joke.” His grip tightened, fingers digging into your flesh as he pulled you even closer. The heat of his body radiated through your clothes, igniting a fire within you that you thought had long since been extinguished. "You have no idea what you're asking for," Changbin growled, his voice low and dangerous.

Your eyes drifted from his intense stare to his plump lips, “I think I can handle it.” Your voice came out hushed and breathy. Your heart raced as you felt the tension between you reach a fever pitch. Without warning, Changbin closed the remaining distance, his lips crashing against yours in a searing kiss. The world around you faded away as you melted into his embrace, your fingers tangling in his hair as years of pent-up longing and desire poured out between you.

The kiss depended as he moved to push you back on the couch, his large body covering yours. His narrow hips settling easily between yours and you could feel is very hard cock beneath his clothes. His hands roamed your body, igniting sparks of pleasure wherever they touched. You arched into him, desperate for more contact, more friction. The rational part of your mind screamed that this was dangerous, that you were in a public place, but the overwhelming desire coursing through your veins drowned out all reason.

Changbin's lips traced a fiery path down your neck, his hot breath sending shivers cascading down your spine. You gasped as his teeth grazed your sensitive skin, your fingers digging into his shoulders. The world around you melted away, leaving only the intoxicating sensation of his touch and the thunderous pounding of your heart. As he lavished attention on your neck, your eyes fluttered open, suddenly remembering your surroundings. Some people were watching, their gazes a mixture of curiosity and desire. A rush of excitement mingled with embarrassment flooded through you. The thrill of being observed only intensified your desire, making your body respond even more fervently to Changbin's touch. You couldn't help but wonder if this was part of his world now—this raw, uninhibited display of passion that both exhilarated and terrified you.

Just as Changbin's hands found their way under your shirt, slowly lifting it up and over your bare chest, you suddenly came to your senses. His fingers brushed against the soft skin of your breast, sending shivers down your spine. But as the reality of the situation hit you, a wave of uncertainty washed over you. You gently placed your hand on Changbin's chest, pushing him back slightly as you caught your breath. "Changbin, let's stop."

Changbin pulled back, his eyes searching yours with a mix of confusion and frustration. The sudden shift in atmosphere was palpable, the heat between you cooling rapidly. You sat up, adjusting your clothes and trying to catch your breath. The reality of where you were and what you were doing came crashing down, leaving you feeling exposed and vulnerable. Changbin ran his tongue over his lips, savoring your lingering taste. He was breathless, his eyes still dark with desire. "I knew you couldn't handle it," he said, his voice husky and challenging.

Changbin's words stung, but you couldn't deny their truth. You weren't ready for his world—not yet. The realization settled over you like a heavy blanket, smothering the last embers of desire that had burned so brightly moments ago. You stood up, smoothing down your clothes and trying to regain your composure. His eyes followed your every movement. "Where are you going?" he asked, his voice low and husky.

His voice was low, almost challenging. You turned to face him, your heart still racing from the intensity of what had just transpired. "I'm going to find someone I can handle," you said, your tone sharp with defiance. As you moved towards the curtain, you felt the weight of Changbin's gaze on your back—a mix of disappointment and something else you couldn't quite decipher.

As you slipped through the curtain, the club's pulsing music crashed over you like a tidal wave, drowning out the echoes of your encounter with Changbin. The vibrant lights and writhing bodies stood in stark contrast to the intimate darkness you'd just left behind. Your eyes swept across the crowd, searching for a distraction—someone, anyone, who could help you forget the lingering taste of Changbin's lips and the inferno he'd ignited within you.

There, you spotted a striking man with dark hair streaked with white-blonde. He swayed to the music, his infectious smile lighting up his face. A taller, baby-faced guy stood beside him. Your eyes lingered on the handsome dancer, drawn to his carefree energy. Without hesitation, you made your way through the crowd towards them, determined to lose yourself in the pulsing rhythm and the company of someone new.

As you approached, you noticed his deep dimples as he smiled widely. "Hey! Wanna dance?" you asked without hesitation, hoping Changbin was watching. You weren't trying to make him jealous, but you were determined to show him you weren't some pathetic little girl. The handsome man turned to you, his dimples deepening as his smile widened. "Sure thing!" he shouted over the music, already moving to the rhythm. A rush of excitement coursed through you as he took your hand, leading you further onto the dance floor.

"What's your name?" you shouted, leaning closer to him. The scent of cologne and cigarettes wafted from him—an intoxicating combination that drew you in. "I'm Jeongin!" he yelled back, his warm breath tickling your ear. His eyes sparkled with curiosity and a hint of mischief as he asked, "And you are?" "Y/n!" you responded. A flicker of recognition crossed his face, but he didn't comment further.

You and Jeongin danced for a while, gradually moving closer without quite touching until he placed his hands low on your hips. His touch was warm, but you felt little in response. As you swayed to the music, your mind drifted back to Changbin—the intensity of his touch still lingering on your skin. You tried to focus on Jeongin's friendly smile, but the comparison was inevitable.

Just as Jeongin began pulling you closer, his lean body pressing firmly against yours, someone suddenly yanked you out of his hold. In an instant, Changbin materialized between you and Jeongin, his muscular frame taut with anger. His dark eyes blazed with possessive fury as he glared at Jeongin, one hand gripping your arm tightly. "She's with me," Changbin snarled, his voice low and dangerous, brooking no argument.

"No—" you began, but were cut off as Changbin hoisted you over his shoulder. "I thought friends shared!" Jeongin called out, his tone playful and clearly not serious. "Not this one," Changbin growled before turning and carrying you off. You squirmed in his grasp, trying to break free. "What the hell? Where are we going?" you shouted over the pulsing music.

Changbin's grip only tightened on your body. "To teach your bratty ass a lesson," he growled.

Tagging all the tags I have because I lost my separate lists. So idk who wanted to be tagged in what… I’m sorry!! But please comment if you were someone who only wanted to be tagged in only one members posts! Thank you!

@supernovanetwork @cashtonsbetch @katsukis1wife @hyunjinhoexxx @ihrtlino @breezy-simp @vixensss @yaorzu-blog @tirena1 @whatdoyouwanttocallmefor @chuuyaobsessed @doohnut @babigriin @iovecb97 @kpflyn @rylea08 @sheerfreesia007 @tsunderelino @cookiesandcreammy @rockstarkkami @moonchild9350 @myflowercloud @143hyunes @luvyblossom @shecheatedwithme @antisocialties @akaligogrrr @nicolparadis @thisaintredwine @rose-w-00-d @jisuperboard @heavenlyangelic @dessianna1 @velvetmoonlght @kayleefriedchicken

[luvknow]

sanguine satellite | lee minho

Summary: The last time you saw Minho was five years ago when you rejected him to live out the rest of your twenties in the city. The next time you see him is on your birthday with another woman in his arms, and it sparked everything that was good, bad, and ugly. Now, after years of not being in each other’s lives, Minho tries to repair the friendship he broke while you fight your changing feelings. As you struggle navigating your friendship with him, you struggle more to navigate being single in this next stage of your life. Characters: Lee Minho x fem!Reader, feat. other idols Genre: friends-to-strangers-to-lovers, romance, angst, emotional hurt with comfort, happy ending, slice of life Additional warnings: cheating, alcohol consumption, food, aged up a bit and in turn age insecurity, a lot of mentions of a best friend with another idol WC: 18.1k

Today was a pivotal day in the office. Quarter two earnings were released to the public and other divisions of the company and, well, let’s just say with the increasing rise in inflation and the impending recession that everyone refuses to acknowledge, no one wants to buy anything. As a result, the earnings reported negative and stocks dipped, morale was low, and to top it off, it was only Monday.

In a way, this was a metaphor for your life; a tumbleweed of all things that could go wrong did go wrong and formed into an amalgamation of nothing to show for. Some people found value in the mundane, but this was supposed to be the peak of your career, your magnum opus, before progress plateaued and you couldn’t stand the idea of not feeling enriched. To wake up, leave, work, and go home was the reason you wanted to leave your home in the first place for something richer in the heart of the city. But you felt defeated after clocking out at 8:30 PM and slumped on the seat in an empty train cart.

The view of the lively apartment high rises and the warm light of slow brick-and-mortars made the late night train rides worth the twenty minutes. Work wasn’t always this draining, but after climbing the corporate ladder, more money meant more responsibilities and it quickly drained the light from your eyes as it did with many of your peers and friends. Youth was fleeting and today you felt like Ponce de Leon searching for the fountain to no avail, but at least the train would take you as close to it as it possibly could.

After packing up your life from home five years ago to move with your friends, the only plans twenty-something-year-olds ever had in place were reservations at 9:00 PM because you called the hottest spot the day-of and drinks at the bar next door after clocking out at 5:00 PM. You were young, excited, and hungry for life, barely sober most days and experiencing what it meant to be young; but what must be given, something must also be taken. Now, rent was rising, salary increases were few and far in between, and instead of deciding what martini you should be ordering, you were stuck wondering if being a worker bee individual contributor was worth the lull schedule or if taking the path to management and telling whiny subordinates what to do was worth the salary bump.

You and your friends once joked that stuff like this was what people in their thirties worry about. Today is your thirtieth birthday.

You didn’t have time for dinner and once again thanked the real estate Gods who put a restaurant so greasy at the corner of your block that you practically slid on a snail trail to the front door of your loft. So, here you were; eating under-salted french fries, chugging a crispy diet cola, with oil stains on your white button-up, ready to spend the rest of your birthday and probably the rest of your life alone on your overpriced and uncomfortable couch watching the latest drama you’d sob your eyes out to. All you needed now was a pet as your companion and you’d be the whole single-in-your-thirties package. Maybe you’d use that as leverage in your dating apps: looking for a partner, a pet, or both.

After fumbling with the keys, you sighed into your dark, cavernous home and dropped your bag at the door. When you turned on the lights, you saw the ghost of your soul leave your mouth in a loud gasp.

“Surprise!!”

You were greeted with streamers, glitter, balloons, and your closest friends wearing little party hats with their beautiful smiles. You never doubted they remembered, and most wished you happy birthday at midnight, but you should have sensed something was wrong when Chaeryoung asked for your door passcode because she ‘forgot her chapstick on your coffee table.’

She was the first to tackle you in a tight hug. “Happy birthday, mi amor!”

“Let the woman take her shoes off first, damn,” Jisung scolded.

“Wow, there’s certainly a lot of you,” you giggled after prying her off. “You guys shouldn’t have. Really! It’s Monday.”

“All the more to celebrate something worthwhile,” Chan grinned, handing you a glass of wine. “Welcome to the club.”

“Ugh, thanks.” Chaeryoung yanked away the oily bag of fries while you were distracted with the happy juice. “Hey, I’m hungry!”

“Don’t fret! We are having a dinner party because that’s what thirty-year-olds do.”

“Except we ate already because we thought you were coming home well before 9:00 PM,” Hyunjin grinned sheepishly.

“No, yeah, I love when my friends watch me stuff my face.”

The dining table was decorated with burgundy candle sticks, red roses, and black bows. It was definitely a step-up from your twenty-first bubblegum pink and pastel confetti birthday, but this almost seemed… meek? Romantic, sure, but a little dark for a birthday. As Chaeryoung scrambled to fill your plate with take-out and prepare the cake, everyone took their place back at the table. The lights dimmed and out came a jet black cake with a toy knife and red frosting that read, ‘Happy Deathday to Your 20s!’

“A bit dark, but accurate,” you mused.

“Make a wish-!” A knock came at the door. “Shit.”

Everyone looked at each other awkwardly. Chaeryoung, Chan, Hyunjin, Jisung, and their partners were present and those were the only people you regularly hung out with. Who could be left?

“Are people still coming?” you asked.

The boys collectively shot a look at a wide-eyed and frozen Chaeryoung, none of them willing to break the news or catch a stray. “Um…”

“What did you do?” you accused. “You didn’t invite that one guy I told you about last month, did you?”

“No, but I wish I had.” Another knock. “Coming!”

“It’s not a coworker, is it?”

“Worse,” Jisung mumbled. “For you, at least.”

“Minho!” Chaeryoung exclaimed happily. “You’re just in time!”

“What -” you hissed at the boys, “- the hell?!”

They all held their hands up in defense. Minho passed the threshold and your twenties flashed before your eyes. The once blondish short and styled middle part now hung loose in soft chocolate strands; eyes that once held the universe were dark and doe-like; and arms that once moved freely in his sleeves now tightened around them. He was a completely different man who you hadn’t seen in five years and here he was at a pivotal moment of your life, about to celebrate you and the life you’ve lived without him for the better half of the last decade. It took all your might to lift your sore legs to walk over to greet your guest and restrain from strangling your best friend. He wore clothes appropriate for a casual dinner party that didn’t spill into the blues of corporate-wear, clearly aware of this occasion, and a small gift bag. His appearance was intentional, not upon happenstance, which made this whole ordeal a lot weirder.

Following him in, hand-in-hand, was a woman. A stranger. Two strangers in your home.

He pulled away from Chaeryoung’s death grip and you locked eyes. It’s awkward, to put it politely; to put it rudely, it was horrifying. Your nervous system certainly felt nervous, firing fight-or-flight responses the way he drank you in like the first sip of a bitter negroni. How someone could evolve and change to the point of being unrecognizable should be studied by Darwin.

He’s the first to break with a small smile to ease the tension. “Hi.”

“Hi,” you breathed.

“Happy birthday, _____.”

The bag is small and neatly wrapped with care in your favorite colors. The woman behind him smiled sweetly. “Thank you. You really shouldn’t have. And thank you…?”

“Oh, right. This is Karina, my girlfriend of two years.”

“It’s nice to finally meet you,” she said. “I’ve heard a lot about you. And happy birthday!”

You brain buffered when she bowed. How awkward, because you haven’t heard anything about her other than her existence. You never thought he’d have someone so beautiful. Minho blocked you on social media a long time ago, so you wouldn’t have recognized her. Chaeryoung had to kick you back to life. “Ah, it’s nice to meet you, too! Welcome to my home.”

“There’s wax on the cake!” Jisung warned.

“Oh, hurry in! _____ was about to make a wish!” Chaeryoung pushed the three of you to the dining area.

There’s a bitter taste on your tongue watching him dap up the boys and watching her hug them so warmly. You never faulted them for being neutral. They were just as much as his friends as they were yours but having him here created a thick glass wall on your side of the table, like he was icing you out in your own home; that you paid with your own hard-earned money, mind you! This was as close to a defense mechanism you could build.

Nine people were watching you, all of whom were paired with another in the room except Chaeryoung, in your home. There’s a heavy shroud of dread that’s draped over your makeshift invisible box you struggled to keep upright. This was supposed to feel like a celebration of you, but it quickly turned rotten when you realized you were the only single person on your own side of the table, being made a spectacle as the couples moved closer and watched more intently. It was like they were watching a ghost of singles-past, feeling more appreciative of the life they procured together as you watched their hold on each other tighten ever so slightly.

“Make a wish,” Jisung sang.

You stared blankly at the three sparkling candles. What was there to wish for? You had a good career, a warm home, food on the table, and loved ones who kept you up on your feet. You supposed a better work-life balance would be feasible, but that was something within reach and in your control. To wish is to pray and to pray is to beg, and you weren’t one to beg for anything except for the pickles Chaeryoung picked out of her sandwiches. What was something that even you couldn’t control, something you had to ask some spirit dwelling in the ether for?

A flash of Minho’s eyes boring into yours made your face hot. Maybe you’d just let this wish go to waste instead.

You blew out the candles and applause erupted with Chan eager to cut into the cake. It was your favorite flavor from your favorite local baker whom you trusted every birthday and holiday to deliver the finest treats. At least this part of your birthday was perfect.

“So, what does thirty feel like?” Hyunjin asked. “Do you want the number of the senior home down the street from me?”

“Ha ha,” you drawled. “Aren’t you next, Hwang?”

“Actually, Minho’s next – ow!”

Chaeryong didn’t hide how she elbowed his ribs. She then gave a wide smile and her fingers danced. “Do you feel more mature?”

“As mature as a dry-age steak.”

“Well, you pair well with red wine, at least.” Chan raised his glass. “Here’s to you and to all of us, our priceless friendship!”

Most of us, you wanted to correct, but decided against being uncouth. “Cheers!”

When you were all in the younger halves of the twenties, conversations were about memes, pop culture, and the new hottest bar that just opened. Now, as you were ranting about quarter one earnings and the Windows 11 update, the others doubled down on the corporate jargon. Even Karina, who revealed she was a consultant in tech, participated in the conversations. Minho was the only one who remained quiet, but he was simply enjoying the company, leaning back in the chair with his arm around his woman. For someone who had never visited or even wished well on past birthdays, he was making himself quite at home.

Your birthday dinner lasted long enough to finish off three bottles of wine between everyone and for all the food to disappear, making clean-up much easier. As everyone scrambled around your home clouded in buzzed-up nonsense, Jisung was the one to tour your apartment with Minho and Karina, telling the tale of every picture you hung on a wall or framed on a credenza.

“This was when we went to London one summer after my graduation,” he said. “I’m the youngest, so I was the last one and we decided to make it a big celebration. I think this was the day Minho and _____ got lost and almost hopped on a train to Edinburgh by accident. This one was from Chaeryoung’s twenty-fourth birthday. I think Minho took this picture, actually.”

“Where are you in these pictures, Minho?” Karina wondered innocently.

There’s a breath of silence in the loft aside from you who didn’t pay any mind to his girlfriend’s ignorance. Not like you expect your fallout to be a topic of conversation over a candle-lit dinner date, anyway. You also didn’t expect that look on Minho’s face when he realized that to be true.

“He’s usually the one behind the camera!” Jisung answered, not exactly lying. “You’ve seen his Instagram and how he composes his cat pictures.”

Minho didn’t try to correct him, and they quickly moved on.

As it was the first day of the working week, Chan, Hyunjin, Jisung, and their partners were the first to leave. For whatever reason, Minho and Karina decided to stay back. Karina’s motive was unclear; either she was really bad at reading the room or the effort to be friends was genuine, but even when Minho asked if she wanted to leave with everyone, she decided against it.

“Let me help you take the garbage out,” she offered Chaeryoung.

“I can do it,” you and Minho said in unison.

“Nonsense! It’s your birthday and this one had a little too much to drink before coming here and when we got here.”

Chaeryoung gave you a sympathetic look as they carried several bags out to the ground floor. What a convenient day for the chute to be broken! They’d take the five-to-ten minutes of traveling to the ground floor out to the back where the bins were.

And then there were two, standing on opposite sides of the kitchen island, unable to look each other in the eyes after five years of abandonment.

“Hi,” he greeted again, lips flat-lined and unsure of how to move this conversation forward.

You beat around the bush. “What are you doing here?”

His tongue poked his cheek. “I ran into Chaeryoung last weekend at the bar I work at and asked what she was doing for your birthday.”

“Why would you ask that?” you asked coldly.

“I… just knew she'd be doing something for you. Maybe she took it as me asking to get invited, but that wasn’t my intention. I think she panicked, invited me anyway, and here I am.”

“You could’ve said no.”

“I could’ve,” he agreed, and there’s a mischievous twinkle in his eyes that asked, ‘but why would I?’

You looked away. “Isn’t this a far drive for you?”

“I live here now. Well, not here; on the other side, closer to downtown and near that bar.”

“Oh. How long have you been a city dweller?”

“About two years now.”

That lined up with his relationship status. It was a fact that it was easier to find partners in the metropolitan, yet somehow you were the only one to remain alone after being one of the first to move here. How was it that Minho managed that in under a month? And if he’s been here for two years, how have you not realized that?

You swallowed the rest of the wine in your glass. “How do you like it?”

“I love it.” He ran a hand through his tired head of hair, creating a split down the middle. The redness on his face had spread from his nose to his cheeks, as it always did when alcohol invaded his bloodstream. “I see why you wanted to move here.”

He, too, must have seen how time was of the essence, and with what little time you have in your young lives, the highest quality of life would be to live where your peers were thriving. If only he understood this years ago.

You nodded sourly, feeling the loneliness resurface after having to repress it for so long. “I’m happy for you.”

“Your mother once told us, ‘mean what you say and say what you mean.’ You don’t have to lie.”

“Don’t tell me what my mother says.”

Tension as thick as jell-o separated you from him. There’s a brief stare down after your threat, or what sounded like a threat, and you swear there’s hurt behind those big eyes of his, but he wouldn’t be the victim here; not when he was the one who left your life and blocked you out of his. He didn’t have the right to be offended by your unwelcoming attitude when he was never welcome to begin with. On your birthday, at that.

Chaeryoung saved the evening and rushed back inside, afraid of the damage you’d tell her later.

“Ready?” Karina asked, squeezing Minho’s bicep.

“Yeah,” he mumbled, being the first to break contact. You didn’t help him see his way out, but he said over his shoulder once more, “Happy birthday, _____.”

“Thank you for coming,” you called out sharply.

“It was nice meeting you!” Karina said cheerfully.

“You, too.”

Chaeryoung, the kind woman and hostess as she is, hugged them both and hastened to lock the door. She rushed back, clinging to you and holding your arms inside, likely afraid that you’d break something or chug the rest of the fourth bottle.

“I’m so~o sorry!”

“He told me how it happened. Tell me why I’m not surprised?”

“It was at the bar near your work that I told you about. You didn’t come because you had some reports to submit before midnight. And who do I see behind the bar? Minho, of all people! He was running that shit like the navy! It was hard to talk long over the music, but we said our hellos and he quickly brought up the fact you were turning thirty and asked what I was doing because he knows how much I love you and I’m the bestest friend ever – Anyway, I told him about the surprise, and he looked so damn sad! Jesus Christ, so you know me, an empath, I had to at least offer him an invite. I didn’t think he’d take it, nor did I think he’d ask to bring a plus one, like, yesterday!”

In the midst of her ramblings, you squirmed free from her grip and pulled the poor pouty girl into a tight hug. “I will not let him ruin what you’ve done for me. I love you and appreciate you.”

“It was so hard!” she whined. “The boys are so unreliable! I ask them to buy something for decorations, they don’t answer, and when I ask a few days later they’re like, ‘I got it a while ago,’ and I’m like, ‘why didn’t you say something?!’ and they’re like, ‘I didn’t think I’d need to as long as I brought it the day-of.’ Can you believe that?!”

“After over ten years of friendship, yes, yes I can.”

After cleaning up the remaining crumbs and dishes, Chaeryoung found the gift that Minho and Karina left on one of the chairs. “Did you open it?”

“No. What if it’s a bomb? Can you do it?”

She tossed out the tissue paper and peered inside fearlessly. “Oh!”

“What is it?”

“A gift card and a perfume bottle; a pricey one. Ooh, it smells good!”

The gift card was to a new bar that was opening on the same block as your office. Your boss was excited to finally have a happy hour location so close that you haven’t gone a day without hearing about it since its announcement. The name on the card said ‘DAHLIA’ and the amount it held was five hundred dollars.

“Huh,” Chaeryoung mused, “isn’t this address very close to where you work? And you like dahlias. Scary coincidence.”

“Do you think he’s stalking me?”

“Maybe it’s Karina.”

The perfume was in a sleek clear bottle with a white face and gold cap. It smelled of marshmallows, orange blossoms, and neroli. It would be the most expensive thing you’d own, cosmetics wise.

“They open on Friday,” she said giddily. “We should go!”

The projected menu on their social media did look really good… and they had variations of your favorite drink and ones you’ve never heard of.

“Think of it as a ‘celebration’ to the start of a new quarter! Since it’ll be slower now, right?”

“Yeah,” you nodded, accepting that poor-quality reasoning for a twenty dollar cocktail. “Ok, let’s go!”

Your best friend squealed happily and dug through your closet, plucking out the shortest skirt in your wardrobe.

--

On Thursday, Chaeryoung canceled on you to go on a third date with the guy she’s been seriously interested in. She was hoping to finally become an exclusive dating couple; not exactly boyfriend-and-girlfriend, but they’re not allowed to see other people since they’re exclusive, so it’s a label-without-the-label situation that you struggled too hard to grasp. If the majority of your peers thought that way about dating, maybe it was a good thing you remained single.

When you exited your office’s high-rise that day, on your way to the train, you passed by an alley in between the Italian place and the coffee shop you and your co-workers frequented. There was an inconspicuous red ‘OPEN’ light at the end above a black door that caught your attention. In a small serif font, the letters ‘DAHLIA’ was stamped on the door. Friday was supposed to be the official opening day according to their social media pages, but there was no mistake it was open as indicated by the bouncer standing guard.

You did have the gift card in your wallet, and you were craving that crispy green tea highball they had in one of their posts. It was only 6:00 PM, maybe they’d have some happy hour deals going on and you could report back to Chaeryoung with your findings.

You walked up to the doorman. “Hi, are you open –”

“I.D.”

Well, that answers that. He allowed you to pass into the low-lit glowing bar. It wasn’t busy like a Friday evening, but almost all of the tufted couches and chairs were filled, leaving a semi-vacant bar up for grabs. The aura of the bar is what one might describe as ‘vibey and chill’, as the low hum of the bass from the hip-hop song in the background vibrated your heart. This was as soft as a soft-opening could get.

On the menu, there was a special on the drink you were looking forward to and a snack pairing: rice paper and seaweed chips with a salt and togarashi seasoning. You knew all those words separately but couldn’t comprehend them together.

“I.D., please,” the bartender asked.

You fumbled for your wallet and mumbled, “Why bother carding at the door if you’re just –”

You dropped your wallet when you saw Minho at the other side of the bar in a white button-down that was buttoned barely half-way. His lips curled teasingly.

“Hi.”

“Hi,” you gasped, popping your head up after picking up your wallet. “What are you doing here?”

“Is that the only way you’ll greet me from now on?”

You felt your face burn even before any alcohol entered your system. “Chaeryoung mentioned you worked at the other bar nearby.”

“I own that one, too. This one I just opened.”

“Oh, well, that makes more sense. Wait, ‘own’?” He nodded sheepishly. “But that bar has been there forever. I thought that old guy owned it?”

“He was looking to retire, so I jumped the gun and bought it. Kept it mostly the same, added some things I thought would pick up a trend, and it did so well that I was able to open ‘DAHLIA’.”

“That’s incredible,” you congratulated. “I guess I shouldn’t feel so bad that the gift card is so expensive.”

He smiled, but it didn’t translate to his eyes. “Do you work nearby?”

“At the tall building down the street.”

He’s just as taken back as you are. Maybe he wasn’t stalking you. “Crazy coincidence. But it’s late already. Long day?”

You sighed. “Most days are this long.”

“Yikes. Can I get you a drink?”

“The green tea highball looks good.”

“Coming right up.”

Minho rolled up his sleeves to his elbows and did his witchcraft. In a highball glass, a ludicrously elongated ice cube was placed. Then, two shots of Japanese whiskey from the mid-shelf (never mind the overpour), an ounce of cold brew jasmine green tea, and what little space was left was topped with club soda. Using a long bar spoon, Minho mixed its contents and offered it to you with a stainless steel straw.

You hummed happily. “Whoa.”

“I agree.”

“Where was this on my twenty-first?”

“I dare you to Google the whiskey I used and see if you think we could have afforded that at twenty-one.”

“I see your point.”

There’s a long pause of waiting for the other to say what they mean and to mean what they say. You thought about how coldly you displayed yourself to Minho and it ate up your thoughts the whole week. Even when he was the one who wanted you out of his life, he was the one to find you and it seemed he was here to stay, to be next to where you worked, and to be a part of your everyday life as you’d think about him every time you passed this alley between the office and the train. Was this a gift or a curse?

The wound was still fresh, but he was not the only one to blame.

You cleared your throat. “Listen, I –”

“I think –”

You both paused again. After all these years, your wavelengths were still in sync.

“Go ahead,” you offered.

“I think…” …We shouldn’t talk when we see each other? I shouldn’t have given you a gift? We should unpack the trauma we gave each other over coffee some time? “You should try the snack pairing.”

Possibly the best words to leave his lips. “Please.”

“One sec,” he said before running to the kitchen.

Your palms were sweaty, but if anyone asked, you’d feign it was from the condensation on the glass. Your first real conversation with Minho in five years was more stressful than presenting to upper management. Any courage of apologizing had fizzled and the fear of being vulnerable was chilling. You hoped the rest of the drink would give you that push.

Minho came back slightly breathless with a bowl of curly seaweed and rice chips with red seasoning. He stared at the glass that was almost full just a second ago.

“Would you like another one?”

Your vision was already swirly. “No, thank you. But these look delicious.”

The crunch from the fried rice paper was loud enough to make some heads turn. It was salty and the seaweed flavor shined through. The punch from the togarashi made you wish you had taken up the offer on another drink.

You let out another happy hum, and your sinuses cleared. “Wasabi!”

“Really sobers you up, huh?”

“I can smell colors.”

He let out a genuine laugh and you got a glance of his little bunny teeth. You wondered if he’d still have them when he was sixty.

The shy bartender fiddled with the kitchen towel. “You were going to say something?”

“Right. I’m –”

“Excuse me!” a customer approached the bar. “Can I have an espresso martini?”

“Absolutely!” Minho said in his customer service voice.

Espresso martinis were all the craze these days, especially with the ladies. You understood why, they were delicious and reminded everyone of a sweet little treat before the work day. You watched as Minho threw in his Boston shaker ice, vodka, coffee liqueur, and cold brew, and shook with all his might. The muscles you noticed on your birthday shined through, as the veins on his forearms and biceps were put to work. Your eyes traveled shamefully to his open chest, focusing on the groove in between. He poured the creamy drink into a martini glass and added it to her tab.

You drank the complimentary ice-cold water before he returned.

“Sorry about that.”

“No, no, I’m the one interrupting your work.” Despite drinking a multitude of fluids, your throat was dry and sharp, like the words were scraping skin on their way out. Just say it, dammit! “I’m sorry how I treated you on Monday.”

He shook his head. “I shouldn’t have ambushed you like that after so long.”

“Yeah, you really shouldn’t have.”

“For that, I’m sorry. But I’m not sorry for attending.”

“You should have chosen another time to meet.”

“Your thirtieth birthday is important. It’s a huge milestone. I couldn’t dream of missing it.”

“I don’t think that’s for you to decide.”

He hung his head in a way that a puppy would when being punished. “I know.”

“You –” you choked. “I don’t know. I don’t know what or how to feel.”

“Maybe we could start over.”

“Start over?”

“Hi,” he held out his hand for you to shake. “I’m Minho, I’m a bartender and chef, and we met when we were nineteen.”

“Minho –”

“Would you like to get coffee next door some time?”

“You are ridiculous.”

The rush of after-work over timers hit the bar like a thirsty school of fish. Two other bartenders jumped in, but they needed Minho to keep up a good speed. From his navy pants pocket, he pulled out his business card and slid it over.

“My number’s on the card.”

It was different from the one you had saved on your phone and he knew that. “Wait, I need to close out my tab.”

“It’s on me. Let me make up for Monday.”

He didn’t allow you to get a word in before taking the next customer. His mannerisms made every customer smile or blush. ‘Come closer’ he’d gesture with his finger, leaning in to hear their order, and winking after handing off the final product; rinse and repeat.

You left a hefty tip under your glass and slipped away from the crowd. At home, you spent half an hour rubbing your cheeks, unaware of how sore they were after the train ride.

--

The business card hung on your fridge under a London magnet. Every day, you’d wake up, stare at it while filling your water bottle, leave for work, come home, and stare at it some more as you prepared dinner. In the same serif font in black ink, in the center of the card was his full name. Under it said ‘Restauranteur’, followed by ‘DAHLIA’, the Japanese flavors-inspired bar, and ‘RED LIGHT’, the one with American flavors. His phone number and email were in small print, all information embossed on an off-white business card. ‘Classy’ was the most appropriate description of such a card, while yours was so plain in comparison. Technology products didn’t need that kind of pizazz, to be fair.

The next time you saw Chaeryoung was for a girls’ night-in on a Wednesday to gush about her new exclusive not-boyfriend. She noticed the business card while putting the dishes in the sink and plucked it from the fridge, already aware of what transpired on Thursday before.

“‘Restauranteur’,” she scoffed. “Ok, Minho.”

“I know, right? Can you believe he bought out that sleazy old man?”

“I always wondered why the quality went up all of a sudden. I can’t believe he hid that from everyone else, too! We’ve all been meeting around that area for months! Why did he give you this, though?”

“I guess he changed his number.”

“What? He’s had this number for a while now.” You shot her a deadpanned look. “Oh, right. You wouldn’t have known whether he changed it or not. Did you hit him up?”

“No.”

“Why not?”

“Why would I? It feels… too soon.”

“Five years feels too soon?”

“No,” you sighed, unable to form the words in the right sentence. “We’re already on awkward footing after my birthday. And seeing and talking to him made my blood pressure spike to an unhealthy degree.”

“So, you’re nervous?”

Nervous wasn’t right. It felt much deeper than that. “Afraid.”

If anyone knew the degree of pain and confusion you held for Minho, it was Chaeryoung. She always did her best to understand, but there are some things one must experience to understand, and this was one of them. She held you firm by the shoulders and knitted her brows.

“Give me your phone.”

“What?”

The music streaming on your phone paused as your best friend moved swiftly to the couch, already propping her feet up on the chaise before you could register what happened. The clicking of your phone keyboard over the bluetooth speaker snapped you back and you ran to join her.

“Wait, don’t!” you warned.

“‘Hey, bro’,” she said as she typed, “Too casual?”

“I’m thirty. I don’t say ‘bro’.”

“All right, jeez. ‘Hello, Minho. I hope this text finds you well. Per our last meeting – ’”

“Now you’re just being a dick.”

“I’m kidding, relax! ‘Hi, it’s _____. It was nice seeing you on Thursday.’”

“I wouldn’t say it was a ‘nice’ meeting.”

“Oh, my God, shut up. ‘Good to see you on Thursday,’ happy? ‘Would you like to get coffee some time?’ And send. This is fun, it’s like when we used to project our dating app DMs on the TV! Oh, wow he’s typing already. Asshole, he never answers any of us in the group chats until the next day.”

Texting a boy and sweating, waiting for his response… Were you thirteen again? The notification ding made your heart jump.

Your brows furrowed, matching Chaeryoung’s. “‘Hey! Of course I would. Just tell me when.’ Um. Tell him sometime next week?”

“‘Tomorrow at 11:00AM?’”

“Chaer!”

“‘See you then.’ You’re welcome!” she cheered, tossing your phone on your lap.

“Now he’ll think I’m excited…”

“Whether you are nervous, excited, or afraid, shouldn’t that mean something? That maybe you still have him in your cold, dead heart somewhere?”

“It took years of therapy to heal what was wounded. I don’t know if this will feel like closure or if I’m opening up my stitches.”

“And I’ll be here to help suture if it comes to it; again and again!” she encouraged, leaning her head on your shoulder. “I just want our friend group back together, you know? This is a start, sort of.”

“I know. Don’t get your hopes up, though.”

“Too late.”

--

The day it happened, the clouds were grey, and they cried and cried, pouring down the heaviest rain of the year. It rattled Minho’s windows like bullets made from hail, drowning the silence and filling the room with nothing but sorrow.

Tonight, you were celebrating your new job and the big move. After the plates were emptied, the music that played over his speakers slowed, and filled with wine and tenderness, you two swayed to the rhythm in each other’s arms. First, he had your hand in his and lightly hovered over your waist, leading the waltz across the living room with ease. As the songs progressed, his hold on you tightened. He laced his fingers with yours, traveled his hand to your lower back, then placed the other there, too, after wrapping your arm around his neck. He pressed his forehead to yours, the tips of your noses touching and nuzzling so sweetly it made your heart soar.

He sighed happily, shoulders relaxing under your arms. “Should we be doing this?”

“Hm, I don’t know,” you replied light heartedly, “you are just a friend, after all.”

“Do friends do this? Should we ask Chaeryoung and Jisung?”

“Not if you want to hear them gagging all night.”

His breathy laughs hit your lips and his eyes fluttered closed. “I want to kiss you.”

You’ve wanted to kiss him for five years. “Then kiss me.”

“And I want you to stay.”

“Stay?” You took a step back, hating the cold air that replaced his space. “What do you mean ‘stay’?”

“Don’t leave,” he begged.

“Minho –”

“Stay here with me.”

“No,” you said firmly. “This is the biggest thing to happen to my career, and I’m not throwing away this grand opportunity. Won’t you come with me instead?”

“You know I can’t leave my family right now.”

“Then,” you sighed, “do I wait for you?”

“Wait? We have options; what about long distance?”

“You know how vigorous my career is. I work long days and long nights. I can’t call you or text you the way that other people do.”

“So what?” he argued, throwing his hands up in frustration.

This was the first time you were having this talk. Never before had either of you revealed the feelings that mingled in the air whenever you were in the same room together. For years, you repressed them, too scared to cross the thin line that separated friendship from lovers and unwilling to feel vulnerable and reveal the true feelings of your heart. Because truthfully, you wouldn’t have time. You wouldn’t have time to drain and pour your heart into something – someone – that wasn’t the projects that laid out on your office desk, and how was that fair to someone you loved so dearly? As much as you wanted to love and to give, you couldn’t.

“I can’t,” you repeated. “That’s not fair to either of us. We deserve one hundred percent of each other, not fifty, or even ninety.”

“You’re not even willing to try?” he mumbled.

Tears pricked at the corners of your eyes. “How could you spring this on me the weekend before I leave?”

“This was my only chance –”

“No, it wasn’t. You had five years. Five years! And you know how important my career is to me!”

“What about me? Aren’t I important to you, too?”

“Don’t,” you stuttered.

“No, it’s not that I’m not important, it’s that your career is more important. Is that it?” When you couldn’t answer, he nodded his head, accepting the poor answer. “All I wanted was for us to try.”

“I can’t give you one hundred percent of me.”

“Then I’ll give more! One hundred ten percent; one hundred fifty!”

“How long can you last like that when you don’t know when we’ll be together again?”

“I won’t know unless we try.”

“I don’t want to try. Trying means uncertainty. For five years, I have been certain about you. But I’m certain it won’t work when we are not present.”

“We’re going in circles.” Minho turned and ran a hand through his fluffy, light bronze hair. This color on him, you remembered, made him look so young.

“I can wait,” you whispered. “We can be friends still, and –”

“I don’t want to be friends.”

You couldn’t decide if your mouth should hang open or sew it shut forever. Still, you managed to slip out, “What?”

“It’s all or nothing for me, _____.” His eyes mirrored your glossy ones and the tip of his nose that was just on yours a second ago was reddening. “I don’t want friendship with you. I want love and passion, and I want you to tell me you want it, too. We aren’t friends; we never were really just friends, you know that, don’t you?”

“I know.”

He closed the gap and his hands found yours, squeezing so tightly it was almost painful. “Then show me that you know! Tell me you want this! Tell me you don’t want to be just friends! Tell me you want me, desire me, that you can’t go a day without having me, the way I would for you!”

You shook your head. Long distance relationships never worked. You witnessed it through your coworkers, through friends, and bosses, and even old classmates who had deleted every existence of their past love and left no digital footprint on their timeline. Every relationship you ever knew to be long distance had never worked out, and you knew this one wouldn’t be any different.

He let go and stepped away. “I wish you a fulfilling life in the city –”

“Don’t do this.”

“– and I’m sorry, but I can’t be friends with you –”

“Minho, please…”

“– I can’t be just friends with someone who has my heart and doesn’t know what to do with it.”

Instead of rescinding, instead of apologizing and taking the leap of faith, taking the risk that came with being vulnerable and open and raw so you could see what it meant to be loved and cherished by someone who wanted to love and cherish, you decided to lock your heart away and to never reveal it to anyone ever again.

That was the last time you saw Minho. On your thirtieth birthday, he broke every layer you built to protect yourself in a matter of seconds.

--

“Earth to _____!”

In between ‘DAHLIA’ and your office, there was a coffee shop with outside seating. As you waited at one of the tables, the record player in your head had recalled that night, and once it started, it wouldn’t stop until it finished. Just as you finished, Minho arrived and waved a hand in front of your face and you wondered how long it took for you to notice.

“Sorry! Daydreaming.”

“About work?”

Did he truly think your mind was entirely consumed about work? “Yeah. Work.”

“Well, you keep daydreaming, and I’ll get us coffee. What would you like?”

“No, it’s my turn to get you something!”

“Nonsense! You also tipped me way too much. You still order the usual?”

If you were one thing, you were consistent. “The usual.”

Minho would do this finger-gun thing when he was feeling awkward, and he did so as he walked to the counter. His outfit wasn’t as formal as the night you saw him at the bar. His jeans were black and his sweater a bright cobalt; a color that allowed him to be the center of attention when he wasn’t asking for it.

You were the one to ask him to meet - or rather Chaeryoung was - but you didn’t consider what you’d talk about.

He came back with your usual and his usual, which was an iced americano. At least he, too, was consistent, and that hadn’t changed.

“Busy at work?” he asked, clearly not sure what to talk about, either.

“Yeah. Always busy, sadly.”

“You weren’t kidding when you said your hours would be long.”

“No,” you confirmed, “I wasn’t. What about you? What’s your work day like as the city’s coolest restaurateur?”

“You flatter me. I work at ‘RED LIGHT’ during the day, and head to ‘DAHLIA’ at night.”

You tried to estimate his work hours in your head. “Back-to-back?”

“Yup.”

“Everyday?”

“Kind of. If it’s slow on like, a Monday or Tuesday, I’ll head out early and let the closers handle it. Otherwise, my day off is whenever I feel like it, but it’s not a real day-off. I use those days to answer emails and organize the budget or the inventory. Takes every waking moment to run a restaurant or bar, you know?”

“I don’t know. How do you balance everything?”

“Well, I love my job. It’s hard, but I don’t find it draining. I guess that helps. I don’t mind waking up at five in the morning, working, and going to sleep, at least not yet. I’m sure I’ll hit a wall someday, but I’m doing my best to not let that happen.”

You’re afraid to ask the next question. “How do you balance your relationship with Karina when you’re so busy?”

“Phone calls, Facetime, designated nights for dates, surprise visits, little gifts and flowers here and there,” he nodded, looking at the table. “It’s hard, but we’re trying. That’s what’s important.”

Your coffee’s bitter and you didn’t want to bother with it after a couple of sips, but you keep at it to keep your lips occupied and to hide the way your teeth grit at the underlying accusation. “That takes a lot of patience. Some people struggle with that.”

He caught your drift and it appeared he realized he deserved that. “And you? Seeing anyone?”

“No.”

“Not even casually?”

“No. Some dates here and there, but they never stick.”

“Why is that?”

“Either they’re boring, too intimidated by a strong female corporate supplicant, or I’m the problem.”

“Isn’t it -” he began but stopped himself. “Never mind.”

“Say what you mean,” you pushed light heartedly.

“Isn’t it lonely?”

It’s true that it seemed like Cupid made his way around your friend group and you were the last to get hit. When your friends came home at night, they’d be welcomed into open arms and warm bodies. You came home to snacks and warmth was in the form of a fuzzy blanket you kept on the couch. At the height of your career, you once believed that love could wait, that it would find you at the right time and you’d know right then you were ready. As Minho sat across from you picking your brain about the emptiness that came with climbing the corporate ladder, the fear of feeling incomplete was imminent.

You wouldn’t let him see that part of you.

“I like my alone time.”

“But you have so much love in your heart.” He cleared his throat, regretting the arrangement of those words when he saw how your face twisted. What would he know about what’s in your heart? “Who do you give your affections to?”

“Must it be romantic?” you retorted. “My love is given to those you saw on my birthday.”

“I guess not. You’ve always been a romantic, though.”

“Five years is more than enough time to change who I was the last time you saw me.”

“Is that change good?” he asked nervously.

‘Is the result of feeling loveless from rejection and isolation a good change? Are you an idiot?’ you wanted to ask. But that would put the blame on him and blaming him meant acknowledging how much he affected you after all these years.

“Is that change good,” you repeated thoughtfully. “Neutral.”

“Neutral?”

“I think the decision we made five years ago put us where we are today; we’re both successful young adults thriving in a beautiful city. But I lost you as a result. So, the good must come with some bad. That’s neutral, no?”

His lips formed a smile, but again, it did not travel to his eyes. “You know, I was scared to come here today.”

“I’m not that terrifying, am I?”

“At first I thought, ‘wow, Chaeryoung did not try hard to pretend to be you at all.’”

You giggled. “No; no, she didn’t.”

“And then I thought, ‘we’ll be in public. She won’t kill me in front of people, right?’”

“Kill you!”

“But I know that wouldn’t have stopped you either way,” he grinned. “You haven’t killed me yet. Is it crazy of me to think of this as a good sign?”

“A sign! Is there something you’re looking to gain out of this meeting?” you teased.

“Yes,” he admitted, “a friend.”

Your mouth hung open slightly, unsure of what to say, but your face twisted in a way that mimicked your thoughts. “A friend?”

“I know you and I have said and done some unkind things back then that we may not be able to forgive each other for, but after seeing you on your birthday, I couldn’t stop thinking of you. You may not believe me, but I miss you.”

Your head and your heart were in conflict. You had spent all this time trying not to miss him. Your mouth opened and closed like a fish out of water, unwilling to say the truth. “I… I’m sorry, I don’t know what to say.”

“Don’t be. I shouldn’t have sprung that on you all of a sudden. But… do you think it’s possible? That we could be friends again?”

How quickly would you lose him a second time? “I think we shouldn’t force it.”

“Friendships bloom naturally, of course.”

A flash of pink blurred your peripherals before it became the center of your attention. Karina held a finger to her lips as she approached Minho from behind, covering his eyes with her slender fingers. He took her hand and kissed it, leaning back to look at his glittering diamond with hearts in his eyes. They were a beautiful couple and it was as clear as day how much they adored each other. Witnessing love was supposed to be like looking at a garden of roses, but as you sat across in a front-row seat, you thought to yourself how much you disliked the smell of roses, anyway.

“Hi!” she greeted happily. “Sorry to interrupt, but we have lunch plans.”

You shook your head, dismissing the tightness in your gut. “No, please interrupt. I’m sorry for keeping him.”

“Would you like to join?”

You would rather jump off the roof of your fifty-floor office building. “Thank you, but I made plans with my co-workers already.”

“Then, we’ll have to get dinner some time!”

It pained you how much you disliked her. She didn’t deserve it. “Dinner some time sounds great.”

As Minho got up to leave, he leaned over the table and in a hushed tone said, “I just want you to know that you still cannot hide your feelings on your face.”

“My boss thinks it’s my killing charm.”

“That’s one way to put it.”

Minho’s wink was like a button that set off every alarm in your body. As he walked away, hand-in-hand with the love of his life, you tortured yourself watching them recede until they rounded the corner.

–

Unfortunately, it was common workplace etiquette to have drinks with your coworkers after hours now that your schedules had slowed down. How convenient it was that ‘DAHLIA’ was open and even more so that your coworkers were eager to go. Initially, you tried to wiggle out of going, but your close comrade Choi San wouldn’t allow it.

He slammed his veiny hand on your desk, and you jumped. “Jesus -”

“_____ _____,” he boomed, loudly announcing your government name.

“No.”

“Come on! You haven’t joined us in, like, forever!”

“Forever will continue.”

“And if I bribe you with free drinks?”

You paused typing. “I’m listening.”

“You, me, and the forty-fifth floor at ‘DAHLIA’ in ten minutes.”

“‘DAHLIA’?” you repeated. “Does it have to be that bar?”

“Mingi already called the place to reserve. Why, is it not good?”

“No, quite the opposite.”

“Then make haste, my lady!”

The whole way across the street, San had his arm around your shoulder in a tight grip, too afraid to let you slip at the slightest chance of hesitancy. The smooth skin of his forearms touched your neck and it was close enough to smell the cologne he dabbed just minutes before leaving the building, which you now realized to be on purpose.

Inside, a bunch of young corporate acolytes gathered all throughout the bar, all of whom you worked and were familiar with. Minho, though busy taking their orders, saw you and San come in. He did a double take, eyebrow twitching upwards at the arm suffocating your neck. Your lips formed the words, ‘kill me’, as San guided you forward to the line to order.

Small talk with San was never small when he easily filled you in on his latest interests and hobbies. The other women in the office who were nearby engaged with him enthusiastically. Admittedly, there were a multitude of reasons why San was popular around the office. He was intelligent, always willing to lend a helping hand, had a positive attitude even when days were long and tough, and most importantly, he was so hot that your boss had to jokingly warn him several times to tone it down. His argument was it wasn’t his fault that button-downs were tight on his back and arms.

Minho was the one to usher you forward with his index and middle fingers. 

San wrapped his arm around your shoulder again for no apparent reason. “Hello!” he greeted enthusiastically.

“Hi. _____,” he addressed to you informally.

“‘Sup, Minho,” you sighed.

“You two know each other?” San inquired. “Is that why you didn’t want to come?”

San’s only flaw was that he talked too much. Your jaw ticked. “Old friends. And no, that’s not why.”

“Oh!”

“What can I get you two?” You thought you heard ice in Minho’s voice, but you must be mistaken.

You needed something strong. “A negroni, please.”

“Double that,” San said.

Minho neither confirmed nor denied hearing the order before starting on it. Finally, you’re able to breathe easier when the weight of San’s muscly arm lets you go, confident that you wouldn’t book it out the bar. He instead turned his body to you, creating a wall and making you feel like you were under a microscope.

“Your presentation to the team yesterday was, um, amazing,” he stuttered.

Calling a weekly work presentation amazing was odd; he’s heard you lead them probably a hundred times by now. “Yeah? Thanks.”

“And the way you were able to answer all of the questions Boss Man fired at you? It’s no wonder you’re his favorite.”

“I wouldn’t say I’m his favorite.”

“Well, you’re my favorite.” As soon as those words left his lips, he pursed them together and shut his eyes. “I-I mean the team’s favorite.”

You nearly snorted, though your smile was hard to hide. “That’s… certainly an honor -”

“Two negronis,” Minho interrupted as he pushed the glasses forward.

“I got it,” San reiterated.

“Thanks. I’ll get the next one. I’ll meet you over in a bit; gonna talk to my good ol’ friend here,” you forced a grin. Like an obedient dog, San joined the others at the reserved tables.

“Wow, he’s…” Minho trailed off. “A lot.”

“Mother always said not to say mean things.”

“That was me being nice. Don’t tell me that’s your type.”

“Minho! That would be highly inappropriate workplace behavior,” you teased, though he didn’t seem amused. “Besides, what do you know about my type?”

He smirked. “I think I would know better than anyone.”

The twinge in your chest was crushing. Had Cupid returned with sturdier arrows? “Remember, things can change.”

“Did they, though?”

Why did that matter? “I’ll see you later, Minho.”

The whole night, San hovered over you like a shadow, more than he ever had before. Maybe he saw Minho as competition after your coworkers prodded for the story behind you and the hot bartender. He wouldn’t have to worry, though, as he was highly mistaken about both Minho and having interest in someone you worked with.

You would thank San in the morning for dragging you out that night because he reminded you the importance of camaraderie. It was nice to be surrounded by people who shared the same professional struggles as you and it was freeing for everyone to let their walls down. Many of your co-workers were also single and struggling, filling the bar with chatter about failed dates and competing to see who had the worst one as of late. This was the first night in a long while that you had fun, and even though the man that haunted your thoughts was less than twenty feet away, you wouldn’t let him ruin this one night out of many.

But you felt it; that burn in the back of your head like twin cigarettes had bore themselves into your skull; the piercing eyes of an onlooker who couldn’t look away from you and the buff man next to you all night. Each time you tried to catch him in the act, he had anticipated it, busying himself with a customer or peeling orange twists, and when you looked away, you’d feel it again.

Like a worm eating its way through an apple, the fire in Minho’s eyes consumed you.

–

‘Wya?’

On a random weeknight, Minho texted you this just as you were leaving the office. You looked around outside looking for a sniper or an inconspicuous spy but did not see anything suspicious or sensed any danger. To that, you replied with, ‘Leaving the office. Why?’

‘Don’t move.’

If you weren’t panicking before, you were now. Then, from around the alley where ‘DAHLIA’ was, Minho popped up with a tote bag on his arm and an apron slung over his shoulder. He waved and flashed his feline smile, unaware of how cryptic his texts were.

“You didn’t literally have to not move,” he teased.

“Maybe you should normalize giving context.”

“Context is: do you have dinner plans tonight?”

Your plan was to pick up grocery store sushi and binge watch TV, if you’d call that a plan. “Not really. Why?”

He gestured to his tote bag. “I was going to my test kitchen. Do you want to be my guinea pig?”

You considered saying no, but free food was involved. Plus, this is what friends would do, right? “Where’s this test kitchen of yours?”

“In my townhome. ‘Test kitchen’ just sounds cooler.”

The train ride to Minho’s place was the same distance as yours, just in the opposite direction. There wasn’t a ‘nice’ or a ‘bad’ side of the city, but you definitely wouldn’t classify this as the ‘bad’ side. Rows and rows of townhomes occupied endless streets in this neighborhood and each one had its own charm. Minho’s was right in the middle and the reddest, brickiest one on the block while the others had conformed to a more modern grey stucco-style.

The inside was anything but traditional though, with touches of modern style and technology. The first floor was similar to your loft, with an open floor plan combining the kitchen and living room meant for a true host and entertainer. The kitchen, of course, was the most updated, with a fancy six-burner stove, a magnetic display of different knives, and a giant white-granite island.

Soonie, Doongie, and Dori greeted Minho first by rubbing up against his calves and then greeted you second, unaware of the time that passed and recognizing your scent like you were only gone on a short trip.

You gasped happily, scratching their little heads and ears. “My fat ‘n furry step-children!”

“Looks like they missed you,” Minho chuckled.

“Oh, I missed you, too!” you cooed. “Can I help with any prep?”

“Can you help wash the produce?”

“Yes, chef.”

You tried not to stare too long at Minho while he tied the apron around his waist and rolled up his sleeves. There were vegetables in his tote bag you’ve never seen before, like the bulbous onion-like thing that smelled of licorice and a variation of a mushroom that looked like it would turn you into a zombie.

“Everything’s a vegetable or a fruit,” you noted.

“I’m attempting some vegetarian and vegan options outside of a salad and some dessert. If it doesn’t work out, the Thai place down the street is really good.”

Minho instructed you to cut vegetables in ways that you didn’t even know had a name to the technique. You had to tell him to talk to you like a five-year-old because you were not someone who knew what it meant to julienne a carrot or prepare the mise en place.

The first dish was a seared cabbage wedge. Cut the head into wedges; sear on the pan; make a soy-sugar-rice-vinegar saucy thing; shave a potato and toast it like a breadcrumb; retrieve the soy-and-smoke-cured egg yolk and… shave it?

“What do you mean ‘shave it’?” you muttered, holding the hardened yellow orb of congealed something in one hand and a sharp sword-like thingamabob in the other. “Isn’t it going to burst?”

Minho, bless his heart, stood behind you and guided your hands together. His hands, despite going through hundreds of washes and touching all things hot and cold, were soft and warm on top of yours. He had you shave one quarter of the solid egg yolk over the dressed cabbage wedge.

“The yolk is cured, so it’s solid all the way through,” he said.

His breath tickled the shell of your ear and it turned hot. Was the oven set to a thousand degrees? “O-Oh! Wow, that’s cool. Is it done?”

It was only then that Minho released his hold. “Yup. Try it.”

Cooking was a hidden form of sorcery. It was one of the most complex and delicious dishes you’ve ever eaten. Salty from the potato breadcrumb, savory from the egg yolk, and sweet from the soy sauce, feeling different textures and flavors so good you had to stop yourself from moaning.

“Good?” he asked. All you could do was nod vigorously with eyes wide and glittering. He smiled genuinely and his eyes sparkled, too. He opened his mouth and said, “Ah~”

That was your cue to feed him a bite. You gathered the perfect amount of everything onto a fork for him. As he chewed, his brows knitted together thoughtfully and you’re unsure of what that expression meant. From his pocket, he took out a small field notes book and scribbled something quickly.

“You don’t like it?”

He shook his head. “No, I like it a lot.”

“Why is your face like that?”

“What’s wrong with my face?”

“You look so angry.”

“That’s just how my face looks.”

Next was a vegetarian bone marrow. Nothing about bones or marrows sounded remotely vegetarian, but Minho handed you two fat king oyster mushrooms to halve and remove the centers while he sautéed a medley of other mushrooms in salted butter, garlic, and thyme. There was a comfortable silence in the kitchen as you both worked. Nothing felt awkward, or forced, or as bitter as your last meetings were.

As you waited for Minho’s further instructions, you toured the living space and observed all the pictures. You were in about half of them. Most were of your entire friend group, but many were significant moments in your lives, like graduation, birthdays, talent shows, or candid solo pictures. After all these years, when you kept any evidence of him hidden in a shoe box in your closet, he displayed you loud and proud. You glossed over the number of pictures of Karina for your own sake but seeing her face that many times made you stop looking.

When you turned back, Minho was staring at you so intently, he forgot to pretend he wasn’t watching.

“What is it?” you asked.

“Nothing,” he cleared his throat. “Um, the next step is ready.”

Under an immersive blender (“Immersion blender, silly.”) was the sautéed medley and the guts of the king oyster mushroom, softened cream cheese, and olive oil. The paste was bagged and piped back into the charred and seasoned center of the cut-out king oyster mushroom. With a flame torch, Minho darkened the paste, creating a bruleed outer layer, and topped it off with pink peppercorns, pecorino, and chives. Triangles of buttered toast were the vehicle.

Minho took a spoon and scooped out the center. “A little bit of ‘marrow’ and voila. And the ‘bone’ is edible, too, obviously.”

Your eyes teared up at the fireworks of umami. “Will you cater for my next birthday?”

“For you, I will.”

After course upon course of seared and leafy bites of savory and salty goodness, you greenlit practically all of them to Minho’s dismay (“Guinea pig means to critique, not suck up to.”). Dessert was the final leg of courses. From preserved lemon sorbets to chocolatey bites of flourless cake, you would fall into a deep sleep tonight on a cloud of spun sugar.

“I’m drunk on life,” you sighed happily.

“I like you best that way.”

“Seriously, Minho, you have something really good here. I’m no expert, but I think –”

“Wait!” he interrupted. “Chocolate on your lip.”

“Huh? Here?” you licked once.

“Not even close.”

“Here?”

“No.”

“Where’s a napkin?”

“Hold still, will you?”

Minho held your chin between his thumb and index finger and tilted up. Like a surgeon, he meticulously wiped away all evidence of your inner chocolate-devouring goblin with his other thumb. For a moment, he lowered his hand to wipe it on his apron, but he caught you looking at his lips.

“Th-Thanks,” you whispered.

He took the chocolate-covered thumb and sucked it clean, maintaining his gaze before it lowered. “My pleasure.”

The kitchen felt hot and it was hard to breathe. The alarms in your head went off again; the longer you stayed, the faster you’d fall. “I-I should go.”

“Wait –”

“This was great by the way!” you called as you backed up towards the door. “S-So good! And thank you, I will pay you back for any groceries!”

“That’s not necessary, I invited you here.”

“Let me know what you decide to add to the menu, and I’ll-I’ll stop by some time, yeah?”

You didn’t give him the opportunity to answer before running out the door.

–

The following weeks after your inappropriately intimate tasting, you avoided Minho as long as you could. It hadn’t even been a month since you saw him for the first time and you already crossed the thin line that was never meant to be crossed. You couldn’t even be strong for that long before you fell back into the routine of desiring the one man you weren’t allowed to have.

This was the curse of Cupid. He had successfully shot and landed an arrow into every friend you loved, pairing them up with their person and the match-up was so right it was scary. Somehow, at the perfect time under the correct circumstances, your friends found the ones that completed their other half, or so they said, and you witnessed love in full bloom every time it happened and everyday since. When it was shoved in your face like that, how could you not think about what you were missing out on every single day of your life?

You used to think considering a couple as two halves was a disservice to humanity. Halves implied that part of you was missing; it suggested that one could never be whole alone, that they spend their whole lives finding someone who fit the two-piece puzzle. A two piece puzzle was supposed to be the easiest puzzle in the world, but in a box filled with over eight billion pieces, it would take forever for Cupid to pair the pieces. At twenty-five, after that stormy night, you once believed that you could survive as one single piece among the eight billion for the rest of your life at the bottom of the pieces pile, if it came to it; but now that you’re the last of the friend group to yet find your match - at thirty, at that - maybe Cupid had a point to the whole two halves make a whole argument.

Because admittedly, as much as you tried to convince yourself on your thirtieth birthday, you didn’t feel whole. Hell, you barely felt like half; and every time you saw Minho, bits of you were being chipped off to the point that you were scared of losing your half of the puzzle.

To distract yourself from thinking about Minho licking chocolate from your lips, you finally jumped the gun and downloaded dating apps for the first time. Well, Chaeryoung and Jisung did.

“Put on your bathing suit,” she ordered.

“Excuse you.”

“What? All your selfies are so normal!”

“Normal is a good thing, Chaer.”

“But it’s not,” Jisung piped in. “Dating is not what it used to be. Before, it was as simple as looking pretty, saying your favorite song or movie, and naming the restaurant you want your first date to be at. Now, you have to get personal. Name a niche hobby, what character from a TV show represents you the most, what childhood trauma affected your frontal lobe development -”

“Ok, I get it.”

Jisung and Chaeryoung sandwiched you tightly on the couch even though the view of the tablet was easily seen. Chaeryoung filled in all the prompts for you a little too enthusiastically while Jisung was there to judge through the lens of the male gaze and snacks.

The woman beside you cackled evilly. “This is so much fun! I can’t believe you’re finally doing this. Do you know how long I’ve been waiting for this moment?”

“Seriously. What man made you do this?” Jisung teased.

You yanked the tablet back. “No one.”

“Liar.”

“Who do you think, Han?” Chaeryoung stated bluntly. “Who else could have brought this blessing upon us?”

“Oh,” he mused, “duh.”

“Shut up, both of you! No one made me do this. Am I not worthy of finding love?”

“Of course you are. Just not this way.”

“Why not this way?”

“Just watch.”

The second someone completes their profile, it’s like the app forces it at the top of everyone’s algorithm. You received a lot of interest and private messages in the first five minutes, many of which were… bold…

“Men are so uncouth,” you groaned. “Is sex all you think about?”

“Yeah,” Jisung shrugged, pointing to his head and then his groin. “Two heads, two brains.”

“Ugh, gross.”

Chaeryoung swiped left at lightning speed. “Too young, too old, too short, too tall, too smart –”

“I like smart,” you pouted.

“The key to a healthy relationship is to be smarter than them.” Jisung didn’t argue, as he was happily committed to his intelligent partner (a mystery to all, as no one knew how he bagged a research fellow).

There’s a knock on your door. The three of you look at each other in confusion.

“You two need to stop secretly inviting strange men to my home,” you accused before getting up.

“I didn’t tell anyone,” Jisung defended, “did you?” Chaeryoung denied.

When you opened the door, a disheveled Minho stood there with an oily bag in his hands. He raised a brow. “Am I that strange?”

Just as you were trying to trust in the dating app algorithm, the Gods and Cupid said, ‘let there be chaos!’ “You, specifically? A little bit.”

“Ha ha,” he drawled. “Am I interrupting something?”

“Yeah!” Jisung called from the couch. “This is girl time, Min!”

“Shut up!” Chaeryoung pulled Jisung up from the couch and they both patted your head before rushing out the door. “We’ll see you later, _____!”

“Y-You don’t have to leave!” you practically begged.

“Honey, it’s past-nine on a weekday, yes we do!”

“I didn’t realize the time,” Minho frowned, looking at his watch. “I was nearby with Hyunjin and thought I’d stop by with some fries to make up for Chaeryoung tossing them out on your birthday.”

You don’t even remember that happening. “That’s so nice of you.”

“I can come back another time.”

“No!” you said an octave too high. “No, please come in!”

Minho’s outfit was more casual than ‘DAHLIA’s typical button down and tight slacks and you deduced he was working at ‘RED LIGHT’ today. There were multiple oil and/or beer stains on his shirt and his hair was parted and pointing in different directions, evidence of his hand having to go through it several dozen times out of stress.

“You look…”

“I know,” he sighed, plopping the bag on the table. “There was a work-lunch event today that turned into dinner for some corporate slugs. Then, Hyunjin was looking at a location for his coffee excursion and asked for my help. Four hours later, I’m starving and thought of you.”

He was thinking of you a lot lately, it seemed, and it was hard to deny that you reciprocated. “This is wonderful, thank you. I owe you two dinners now.”

“You don’t ‘owe’ me anything. Friends don’t owe; they treat.”

“My treat next time, then.”

“And the next,” he reminded with a smirk. “What were you girlies doing just now?”

“Um,” you hesitated, cheeks stuffed with potato. “Making me a dating profile.”

He raised a brow in the same way when he saw you walking in with San: questioning and dissatisfied. “You never had one before?”

“I was on-and-off when I first moved here, but I couldn’t stand to open the apps after a couple days of usage.”

He does the thing with his fingers when he gestures to come close. You noticed his hands were veinier now than when you were younger.

“Let me see.”

“Let you see my dating profile?” He nodded. “Absolutely not.”

“C’mon, I’ll give you an opinion through the male gaze.”

“Why do you think Jisung was here?”

“Certainly not that.”

Defeated, you handed him your phone with the app open. There’s a twinkle of curiosity wondering how he’d react, but you wanted to tame that fire quickly. He scrolled and swiped, then scrolled, and scrolled, and scrolled.

His face was stern when he said, “You already have a lot of admirers.”

“Isn’t that a good thing?”

He didn’t answer and continued to scroll. “What about that guy you work with?”

“San? What about him?”

“Nothing came of it?”

“Didn’t I tell you that would be inappropriate?”

“Is that the only reason stopping you?”

You squint your eyes at your all too curious friend who hadn’t looked up from your phone since taking it. He popped fries in his mouth rhythmically like a metronome until he caught the heat from your gaze. He looked up and did a double take.

“Hm?” he asked.

“Why are you so curious?”

“So, there’s another reason stopping you?”

“And if there is?”

“And if there is…” he repeated, fiddling with your phone charm. “Would you tell me?”

The inkling of assumption tickled annoyingly at the corners of your mind. Was he asking to let you know that he knew he was the reason for your desires? Or was he asking to tease you, to prove to you that if you had made the right decision all those years ago, you could have been in Karina’s position? That all this time you spent away from him, your journey for companionship started too late. And sure, your bank account was as filled as your stomach, but was it worth it when you had no one to share it with?

He waited patiently for your answer, but you heard his foot tapping rapidly on the wood. Your mouth opened, then closed, and you finally shook your head in shame, because your lips were cursed to speak the truth or nothing at all and you would rather deny than to admit.

He licked his lips, and that gesture alone sparked something in your core. Then he nodded in a way that expressed sourness, as if this confirmation was exactly what he expected but not what he was hoping in both the nonverbal response and the underlying tone that trailed behind it.

You broke the silence. “How’s Karina?”

“Good.” He was quick to shake his head. “Actually, I don’t know. I haven’t seen her since lunch a month ago.”

“Why’s that?”

“I’ve… been too busy.”

Shameful and embarrassed, was what you gathered from his response. As he should; to criticize your decision only to repeat the cycle when he found fulfillment in his career was so… Hypocritical was not a strong enough word. Betrayal, perhaps, was the most correct, but that didn’t satisfy you, either.

You wouldn’t get satisfaction from any angle, though. No matter how you viewed it, it was selfish to consider yourself relevant here. Minho was hurting; everything you feared about relationships had flowered before him and crushed the idea that perfection could be achieved as long as both people tried. But it seemed that although he tried, it wasn’t enough, and maybe his ideals were more out of the ordinary than he anticipated.

“It’s put a bit of a strain on our relationship. She wants to settle down and I… I thought I did, too, but… you know, my places have been growing so much, and…”

As he trailed off and off through a list of excuses, it took you all the way back to the night that it rained. You also spat excuses from your pockets and got nowhere. Now, Minho was on your side, but it didn’t feel great, either.

“What’s more important to you?” you asked.

That was the age-old dilemma, wasn’t it? What was most important to someone as an adult who spent most of their life getting educated and preparing for the professional world to milk money from consumers; the career they adored and earned or the love they found along the way? One could argue they could live without love, but could one live with themselves if they gave up their dream? How many rom-coms have you and Minho laughed at where the world that movie was set in was in a vacuum and the couple always chose each other? Though the plot was fake, the dilemma was real, and the choices they made in the movies were just not realistic.

“Important,” he chuckled, understanding what you were getting at. “Why can’t both be important to me?”

“They can, but it’s clear your efforts are imbalanced in one direction. Otherwise, we would not be having this conversation.”

The fries were long gone. Minho stood up and tossed the bag in the trash before grabbing the unfinished bottle of wine leftover from your birthday and two glasses. You supposed tonight would be the most appropriate night to finish it off. Plus, Minho needed it, apparently.

“I tried, you know,” he sighed, “I really did. I text every night; I send her flowers to her office; I cook for her, shower her with gifts, and tell her regularly that I-I…”

Minho didn’t complete his thought, but you knew what he meant to say. Why would he not, for your sake? “That you love her?”

“Yeah. That I loved her.” Your glasses raised in sync. “I get it. I’m not as present, and I get her love language is quality time, but when did the thought stop counting?”

“Have you considered you two aren’t compatible?”

“Anyone can be compatible, no? Where’s the effort?”

Now you were feeling annoyed. Were these digs subconsciously at you? “Effort can only go so far. You said her love language is quality time. You could do everything in between, but you’re not there to hold her, to kiss her, to tangle under the bed sheets as much as she wants, then guess what? She’s never going to feel the love that she wants and deserves.”

“What about me? What about what I want?”

“I don’t know what you want. Does she? Do you?”

Minho chugged the rest of the cabernet in his glass, nose wrinkling, before pouring in more with a heavy hand. You ignored how cute his nose looked. “I don’t know what I want.”

“Ok, so you can’t complain is what I’m hearing.”

A chuckle huffed through his nose, annoyed that someone who he confided in didn’t feed into his fantasy that his ideology was gospel.

“Ahh!” he groaned loudly to the ceiling. “Fucking hell. I thought this was supposed to get easier when we were older?”

“What? Love?” you scoffed. “Look at us; I’m stuck on the apps and you’re stuck in your ways. You think this gets easier just because we have more ‘life experience’?” Your air quotes were overly exaggerated. “No, dude. People are dumb at every age.”

“I’m not dumb,” he pouted.

“You’re a little dumb.”

He giggled a bit and it traveled down his belly to a full laugh. You couldn’t help but smile, too, which grew into your own fit of laughs, and the condo was filled with ugly laughs and tears of joy, pain, and all that was locked inside your’s and Minho’s souls since inception. These nights were the ones you once looked forward to.

When the giggles died down, he stared blankly at the swirling wine in the glass and asked, “Do you think we could have worked out?”

You felt your cheeks and nose flare brightly. “Worked out? Like if we tried?”

In some other tangential timeline, Minho moved to the city. Maybe he still bought out ‘RED LIGHT’, and you would visit him everyday after work and bring your coworkers in to show off your hot bartender boyfriend. Then, you’d take the train home together. You’d wind down on the couch watching a couple episodes of something light and crawl into bed in each other’s arms. Your lips would never leave his unless it was to come up for air, arms wrapped around his naked torso as he crawled on top, and mumbling praises and poems of how much you adored him.

Like an asteroid that orbits a planet, you revolve your life around him and his happiness. If you tried long distance or if you gave up your career, it would be a difficult feat, and happiness would not be found in that desert. Leaving for the city was for the best. He eventually found his oasis, and you were still on the long journey of finding yours in between the infinite dunes.

Before you realized, your nose burned some more and your vision blurred. “I think it still would have been really hard.”

“Would it have been worth it?”

“I think…” you hesitated, but the wine in your veins was overtaking, “it would only have been worth it if it was with you.”

“Then, why?” he begged. “What happened to ‘it’s better to have loved and lost’?”

“After all this time, you still can’t see what I see. I never want to risk something where I would lose you. So, I didn’t think I’d lose you if I said no.”

“This is… so stupid…”

“Don’t insult me in my home.”

“No, I… I…” he stuttered, and it’s just now you see his eyes were glossy, too. “I can’t stop thinking about you, and it’s so fucking stupid.”

It was stupid; you moved out to move on, and here he was at your door bringing you french fries and opening bars across from where you work, invading your life like a decade-old infectious disease with no ailment known to man-kind. It was stupid; he was taken, spitting out confessions of his failing love story to the one he ended, telling you he still thinks of you before he sleeps. It was very stupid, and it pained you not to fall for it.

You shook your head. “Don’t.”

“______ -”

“You can’t think of me.”

He reached out across the table to take your hands. You allowed it, because you were a weak, weak woman, starving for touch and hungry for him. His skin was rough and tired from the dehydrating soaps of the service industry, but they felt so right.

“Tell me you don’t think of me,” he demanded. “Tell me, and I’ll leave.”

“What does it mean for you to leave? You will leave my home, and then what? Will you try to be better for her? You’ll stay in my life and we can be friends? Or will you leave permanently and change the dynamic of our friend group forever for the second time?” By now, the tears were falling and words choked as they came out, but your grip on him betrayed you and you held on like he was hanging off a cliff.

“I… The… The former…”

“Then, no. No, I don’t think of you. I’m not tormented by you, I’m not in ruins when I see you, I don’t smell you on my clothes, I don’t see you when I close my eyes, or in stranger’s faces when they pass, I don’t dream of you, and I definitely don’t think of you every second of everyday!”

“You can’t even convince yourself anymore. Why won’t you be vulnerable with me?”

“Vulnerability is weakness, Minho! I have been strong for so long; without you, at that!” your voice was shrill and loud and you couldn't be bothered to sit. You were up from your chair, leaning over the table, and he winced as you kept going. “You come here, turn my life upside down, and ask me to be vulnerable? To lower my guard around you? After you abandoned me all because the circumstances weren’t right at that moment? Fuck you.”

He got up from the table to get to you and towered over you, torso much wider than you remembered. He was too close, and you could feel him feel you. Your body hadn’t turned to face him, too scared to face your biggest fear, so he forced it upon you by holding your shoulders. His eyes, so big and brown that it was easy to drown in them, dug deep into yours and pleaded with everything he had in his heart.

“Fine, don’t be vulnerable, but show yourself some mercy, for fuck’s sake.”

“Mercy? I want someone I can’t have. How does that merit mercy?”

He faltered a bit and you regretted the moment you invited him in. His eyebrows furrowed in what you thought was pity. Your head dropped in shame; that was the last thing you needed. His hands moved to hold your face as if he never wanted you to drop something so precious to him ever again.

“Don’t,” you repeated.

His forehead connected with yours and suddenly, you felt young again. It’s what you needed, what you wanted, but…

“I want to kiss you.”

The rush from five years ago hit you like a truck. “I want to kiss you, too.”

Every emotion, every desire, collided into the kiss. His hands swiftly moved to your waist and pulled you in until every millimeter of you touched some part of him and soon your hands were lost in his hair. His lips were soft, and you always imagined them to feel like petals of a tulip, but he was earnest and there was some pain in the amount of pressure he pressed into you. The pain felt good, the feeling of being wanted made your heart soar, and you two exchanged gasps and moans as your lips moved fervently, hungry for indulgence after being teased with temptation. But his tongue tasted sour, and bitter, and nothing like the coffee and chocolate you once dreamed of, because this circumstance was yet again not right. He tasted like rotting fruit because stolen fruit was never sweet.

You broke away, gasping and sniffling and it was so hard to breathe. “You’re not mine,” you cried.

“But you have always been mine,” he whispered, with his breath ghosting your lips.

You shook your head, over and over until you freed yourself from his grip, wishing you’d be free of him forever. You turned your back to him, unable to show your face as you said, “I think you should leave.”

Back then, you wished he fought for you as much as he wished you to do the same. You wished he’d followed you, or waited for you until the time was right, but of course time didn’t wait for anyone. Deep down, as you broke into pieces in your dining room, you hoped he’d fight for you then, too, and proclaim that his heart belonged to only you. You were fooled twice, and as the saying goes, shame on you.

The failure of reciprocity would weigh you down just as much. You never fought for him the way you wished he would for you for the simple fact that you weren’t allowed to. He was a taken man, a man who said not too long ago how he told her he loved her every single night, and it would destroy you how he’d go home later and still say those words.

You believed everyone was worthy of love, including you. The love you wanted wasn’t supposed to feel tainted or spoiled. No matter how much you wanted him, how much he claimed he wanted you from the very start, you wouldn’t be that kind of woman who stole someone’s man, and therefore you would not confess to anything else that lay hidden away in your heart.

Minho left quietly. The battle was over, and you broke down on the floor.

Heavy and loud sobs escaped your quivering lips in a poor attempt to dissipate the pain that expanded in your chest. Your cries echoed into the open loft until you couldn’t stand the sound of your voice and wasting tissues, but your body wouldn’t let up. So, you transferred yourself to the bathroom, running a hot shower and curling up on the tile until the water ran cold. Here, your cries were muffled by the artificial rain, just as you had cried into the storm that ugly night long ago.

You called in sick the following day.

–

For the next quarter, you were happy you were swamped with work, for once. That meant waking up early, taking the train when the sun had barely risen, and leaving when it had long gone to sleep. It was the same for most people in the office and you were blessed with not having to conjure up a lie to get away from San’s advances to get you to happy hour.

In sum, you hoped it meant you’d be too busy to think of him, but when you had only a single moment, a single second of freedom, he invaded every bit of you. He was a virus, a parasite, sucking the life out of you like he was reminding you what you desired that once was within arms reach was now lost forever. Like Icarus, you fell from the ether into despair, surrounded by darkness from the absence of the sun in your only moments outside of the office. On days when you were off, you had begged your boss to let you come in, to distract you with some enrichment of any stupid task even if it meant gluing together inadvertently shredded proprietary documents for sixteen hours, but HR would catch on too quickly, was what he said.

You hoped to fall hopelessly in this troposphere of purgatory forever, operating through the days on autopilot, but your heart had sunk to your gut and it ached to land on the earth to end the pain. Just as you were getting the hang of flowing with the wind, Minho called once. Then, he called twice. On the third, you almost answered, but when your eyes welled and you struggled to breathe, you figured it was your body’s reaction to falling faster and further beneath the clouds. You spent those nights he called curled up in some corner of your home under a multitude of blankets waiting for the headache and heartache to subside, but by then the night turned to dawn and time was limited.

Chaeryoung would call, too; she’d text; she’d send you food, coffee, and chocolates, and much of it went cold because any sight of food made you nauseous. Lately, you moved so slow that sustenance wasn’t a necessity anymore, nor was it a pleasure. She was always quite the worrywart, so you tried to answer as much and as vaguely as you could, but at one point it was too exhausting to keep up the lie and you gave up, leaving her with one-worded answers that didn’t satisfy either party.

And so you continued to fall; continued to cry, rot, and falter when all you had done was taste forbidden fruit.

His birthday approached faster than you could get over him.

For a while, no one seemed to mind your absence besides Chaeryoung and Minho, who had called to see if you were attending any of the last-minute get-togethers or planned reservations in the recent month. The one big one you regretted missing was Chan’s birthday, who was rightfully miffed, but you hoped the gift you shipped would make up for it. You kept up with social media, though, and liked all the pictures that came from those nights. 

Each post, you’d look for him. You’d admire what he was wearing; you’d wonder what cologne he was wearing; you’d imagine the way his eyes lit up when Karina walked in the room. But she wasn’t in any of the photos.

You didn’t tell anyone what transpired the second time with Minho. It was too embarrassing to have fallen for him twice, which sent feminism back at least a decade. You were going to conjure up some work-related lie to get out of his birthday celebration, but Chaeryoung wouldn’t allow it and even went as far as messaging San for confirmation about your work schedule.

In a huff, she busted through to your home before you could reject her kindness. Normally, your girl was all smiles and full of expressions, but tonight she was strict and stern, which meant she was mad. Very mad.

“I need you to not message my coworkers, please,” you said as she filtered through your closet. “I don’t want a meeting with HR on Monday.”

She didn’t turn to face you when she snapped, “It felt like you were lying, so I had to double check.”

“I wasn’t lying. It was busy, but we just lightened up after the deadline yesterday.”

“So, why couldn’t you tell me that?”

“I needed an excuse to not go tonight.”

She shook her head, clearly frustrated with how insufferable you were being. She turned to you with glossy eyes and you regretted avoiding her lately. “Aren’t I your friend?”

Her having to ask really stung. “You’re my best friend.”

“Then can’t you tell me why you disappeared for three months?”

“I… it’s hard, Chaer…”

“For God’s sake, _____, you’re thirty. Act like it, and use your words!”

“I can’t,” your voice cracked, “I can’t see Minho.”

Her face softened, realizing maybe that night when she left you with someone you saw as a stranger was not what a best friend did. You watched her scan through your slumped posture and sunken eyes before she lunged and hugged you tightly. Tears burned, the feeling of gentle humanity fulfilling your highest hierarchy of needs overflowing all your emotions.

“What happened?” she whispered.

“We kissed,” you whispered back.

“And?”

“I kissed back.”

“But?”

“He’s not mine.”

She pushed you to arms length, eyes knitting sternly. “I think you should go tonight.”

“Chaer -”

“Trust me. You might regret it. It’s his thirtieth, after all.” She pushed away the hairs that cling to your forehead before running to grab some make up. “Let me do your make-up! It’ll be like your twenty-first all over again.”

She sat you down on your bed and began to dab away at the color-correcting pallet. A box of tissues lay next to her so she could catch the tears before they fell. She created a large pile in the end.

“Do you want him to be yours?” she asked after a long moment of silence.

You wanted to smell him on your clothes, adore him in your dreams, and wake up next to him. You want him to be yours, only yours, and to not have to share him with someone who he also chose. Under this sanguine circumstance, still, you smiled at this very thought, because of course the answer was, “Yes.”

And she, too smiled, her own tears forming while she dabbed yours with another fist full of tissues. “Then, go to him.”

“But -”

“_____,” she breathed sternly, sniffling a bit. “You stupid, stupid people-pleaser. Fight for yourself, for once.”

When you thought the battle was long over, little did you know you were still fighting all this time.

Despite trying not to think of him, as his birthday approached, the calendar terrorized you to get him a gift. Just in case, you know? It was a fancy Nakiri knife whose steel was decorated in waves. The Internet told you that a chef’s knife was similar to that of a samurai’s sword, so only the highest quality of Damascus steel was preferred. As you held the box in your hand at his front steps, your mind and heart kept battling with each other and debated whether or not getting a personal gift was too intimate versus a gift card to some generic restaurant to establish a boundary.

But wasn’t the boundary already too blurry, anyways?

Chaeryoung pushed you inside the already-unlocked door. All the boys and their partners and Chaeryoung’s now-official real man were already there surrounding the island. Minho, who just had a grin on, dropped it quickly upon seeing you come in and straightened his back. It’s like deja vu from your birthday.

Karina wasn't present.

Your body’s instinct was to turn and run out the door, but Chaeryoung anticipated your every move and was quick to block you. She squeezed your hand and tugged you further inside. You greeted the boys and their partners first, who all said a variation of, ‘long time, no see,’ before reaching Minho. His expression was still starstruck and confused. He didn’t appear angry. Perhaps it was a feeling worse than that, which could not be translated through his face.

With sweaty hands, you handed him the small rectangular box. “Happy birthday.”

He was hesitant to take it, as if to question the possibility of diffusion of poison through the skin. His hesitancy allowed you to get a whiff of his bourbon vanilla cologne. “Thank you.”

“Oh, so you’ll come for Minho’s birthday, but not mine?” Chan pouted.

“Some things are worth coming out for,” you retorted.

The night went on and you played your role as an onlooker in the background, hoping to blend in with the walls and remain unnoticed so as to not ruin the night. You watched him and the boys shove each other playfully and inhale any and all food Minho made. Who’s to say that thirty was old when the epitome of youth was in the souls of a group of hungry boys? Conversations and debates picked up from when they last saw each other. Some of them filled you in and others forced you to answer without knowing the majority opinion. Laughs and giggles filled the kitchen and even when it seemed that Minho didn’t want to whenever you answered, he couldn’t help himself from smiling at your ridiculous answers, though he stopped when he’d catch you watching him.

As the clock ticked forward, your anticipation for Karina to pop in at any moment dwindled. Maybe she was also having a rough quarter three and taking a late night at the office, but to miss her boyfriend’s thirtieth was… a choice, even if they were fighting or some other strange reason. But then four hours turned to six hours and then it was, ‘damn, it’s already 2:00 AM?’ and she never came.

“Are you ready to go?” Chaeryoung asked at the front door.

Minho was now alone in the kitchen and there were a lot of dishes left to wash. You should help him.

“No,” you said. “I’ll call you later.”

She had a hard time hiding her grin as she left.

You approached him slowly like how you’d approach an angry cat because he was scrubbing the dishes a little too furiously. He didn’t look up despite knowing what you were up to.

“Can I help?” you asked.

Still, he refused to look at you, but he handed you the sponge. Well, that was progress, right?

Dishes and clean up were completed in silence. No chit-chat, no music, just the sound of running water and dishes clinking in the cupboards. The task was finished in good time, and just before you decided that your stay was long overdue, he pulled another deja vu card.

“What are you doing here?” he mumbled to the floor.

“It’s your thirtieth birthday. Chaeryoung told me to come.”

“You could’ve said no.”

“I could’ve.”

A salty laugh - or perhaps a scoff - was uttered. He was tired, you were tired, and the air was cold and stale. The topics orbited like a satellite, coming ‘round for another turn for a different thirtieth celebration, if either of you would even call it that.

Minho let out a big sigh. “Only you can disappear for three months and come back into open arms.”

The words arranged sounded like a compliment, but it was clearly the opposite. “I don’t expect to be forgiven.”

“No, you shouldn’t. I tried calling you.”

“I know.”

“Texting. E-mailing. Fuck, even snail mailing!”

“I know…”

He threw his hands in the air, as he did whenever he was frustrated, and turned to take a breather from your nonchalance. You were supposed to be fighting for him, not letting him slip away like this, but why was this so hard when loving him came easily?

“I shouldn’t have come over that night,” he said after returning. “I was trying too hard to be friends again and I crossed a point where I couldn’t return from.”

“Isn’t that the story of our friendship?”

“Is that how you feel?”

“We were never really just friends, were we?” you teased.

“No,” he admitted softly, “we never were.”

Your eyes met for the first time that night. His were red and puffy, and he looked like he hadn’t slept in three months.

You swallowed the rock in your throat. “Where’s Karina?”

“I don’t know. I broke up with her a while ago.”

Your chest felt tight and your voice bubbled out a garbled, “Why?”

And his mirrored, to the point where he had to clear his throat. “I don’t love her anymore.”

“So, is it true? Is it better to have loved and lost?”

“I wouldn’t exchange my days with her for anything.”

It didn’t make sense; it just didn’t. When someone loved that deeply, how could they throw that person away so easily?

“I’m sorry,” was all you could say.

“I’m not.” He cleared his throat. “I loved her and she loved me. It was fulfilling, and now it’s not. It’s just how it is.”

“Isn’t that painful?”

“If it means I get to feel like I’m flying, I think I can handle it.”

The concept, the idea of that, was just too hard to grasp. It took your wax wings melting to realize that the journey upwards was worth the descent.

“Enough about my failures,” he said hoarsely, “What about you? How… how are you doing?”

How were you supposed to admit that tonight was the first night you had a proper meal? That sleep only came under the influence of some generic-brand silver liquor? That you plucked a fist full of grey hairs the day before? Would admitting to vulnerability prove that you were fighting for this? For him? Or would it make you look pathetic?

“I’ve been doing fine.”

The centers of his brows scrunched together and his lips pursed. He inhaled heavily, his sniffles echoing through his quiet home.

“Are you?” he stuttered, voice distorted and desperate. “Really?”

No, of course not, and that much was clear when you started to cry.

“Because,” he continued, “if you can’t tell, I’m… dying on the inside.”

“Because of me?” you whispered, feeling the weight of your actions collapsing.

“Because of you. It’s always because of you. Everyday for the past ten years. It’s always been you.”

“Why couldn’t you forget me? Why? When you were the one to throw me away?”

“How!” he cried out. “How could I forget about you, when all I wanted was you?”

“You wanted to change me! You wanted me to abandon my career.” “I wanted you to try!”

“And you were right!” Sobs choked in your chest. “You were right. If I loved you, I should have fought for you. I should have tried harder. And I really shouldn’t have admitted those feelings to you when you were not mine. For everything that I’ve done, I’m so, so sorry.”

“You should be. You are so mean,” he hissed, pointing harshly. “You torture me.”

“I’m sorry.”

“Even when I close my eyes, I see you.”

“I’m sorry -”

“I named my fucking bar after your favorite flower! And now you stand here in my home asking me to forget about you? How am I supposed to even begin doing that, hm? How, when everything around me reminds me of you?”

Your sobs were visceral and messy, and you buried your face in your hands. Maybe tears held the youth Ponce de Leon searched his whole life for the way yours could fill the fountain in minutes and how wiping them took away two decades of your life.

“I’m going to ask you once more,” he whispered. “One last time, and I’ll leave it be forever because I’m fucking tired. Do you think of me as often as I think of you?”

You caved in when all else went wrong and there was nothing else to hide. “Everyday.”

“Do you want me as much as I want you?”

“No,” you replied, “Because I need you. Now, let me ask you: do you want to kiss me as much as I want to kiss you?”

His lips quivered before he laughed and you do, too, because that was the cringiest thing you’ve ever said. He held your face, that precious face of yours that he adored so much, dabbing away your tears. His eyes fluttered to your lips, a habit he couldn’t shake off after all these years.

“I need you to kiss me,” he demanded.

He tasted like honey and his lips fit yours like the second half of a two-piece puzzle. This was slow and deliberate, no longer going at the crushing speed of fervent passion because you had all the time in the world together now, and Minho was always the type of man to take his time. You couldn’t stand to leave his lips even for air and they ghosted his only for a few seconds before you tip-toed and pressed yourself deeper against him. Your hands were occupied with gripping his shirt at his waist to keep him in place. When you felt his smile on your lips, you grinned back and held him by his beautiful face.

“I need you to stay,” he formed on your lips.

“All I need is you,” you answered.

Even while traveling to his bedroom, both of you refused to separate as you bumped into furniture.

“We should take this slow,” he mumbled, fidgeting with the hem of your shirt.

“Get acquainted with each other, or whatever,” you concurred after removing his belt.

“Maybe get coffee some time?” he asked into the crook of your neck.

“Or a drink? I know this really cute bar called ‘DAHLIA’.”

He threw you onto his bed. After removing his shirt, he crawled on top. “I think I’ve heard it.”

“Oh yeah?” You undid his pants zipper. “I know the bartender. A little narcissistic, though; he thinks he’s so hot.”

He trailed kisses down your lips, to your neck, to your sternum, to your stomach, until the top of your panties where his fingers hooked. “I know he is.”

You called Chaeryoung the next afternoon. At first, she scolded you for not texting her when you got home, but when she checked your location during the call, she screamed so loud that Minho dropped the spatula while making your breakfast.

The sanguine satellite would continue to orbit her world and revolve her life around his happiness; and he would continue to do the same.

[aubaee]

SERENITY

pairing: l.hs x idol!oc

synopsis: Who knew ‘We Got Married’ would bring back the heat for this upcoming season with an “ACE” couple, let alone a couple who ended terms with each other before their debut. Would their old flame spark once more or would they pass each other instead? With the exciting news starring Lee Heeseung from ENHYPEN and Choi Areum from SERENITY, would the old lovebirds be able to show us their profound partnership through challenging missions under one roof?

warning: idol!au, idol!oc, FLUFF, slight angst, COMEDY it’s a crack smau, fake dating to ???, second chances!au, unrequited love (not the main couple), idol reality show!au, est. relationship (not the main couple), forced proximity, kys / kms jokes, bantering relationships, dating scandals (not the main couple), fake chat txt, smau, suggestive content (no smut), main oc gets thrown under the bus by members a lot (istg that’s their love language) more tags to be added featuring: seventeen, stray kids, more to be added

SERENITY profile [oc] [social media] ENHYPEN profile SEVENTEEN profile [pt 1] [pt 2] STRAY KIDS profile

chapter list schedule one schedule two schedule three schedule four schedule five [more to be added] *a/n: will include special chapters for the rest of the idol!oc members w/ their partner

Masterlist

*a/n: this heeseung smau is for fun~ so there will be a lot of unserious moments (aka crack) lol. chapter uploads will be once a week during weekends. the primary couple for this smau is heeseung x areum (oc). i will showcase the other oc's partners in SERENITY with their backstories.

pls like, comment and reblog <3

taglist open: @enhagvrl @lilifiedeans

[sparklingchan]

Serendipity || Seo Changbin (Stray Kids)

Pairing: Reader(fem.) X Changbin

Word Count: 5.4k+

Warnings: Suggestive, mentions of pregnancy (the reader is not pregnant) , mentions of poison, Changbin is sweeter than sugar. Set in the Joseon Era.

Genre: Royal AU, Arranged marriage AU, fluff with very slight angst.

Description: The King of Joseon had chosen you as his queen. But there are those that wish for this union to fail. Will your love be enough to overcome the competitiveness of the Palace?

A/N: Hello everyone! Back with another installation of the SKZ Royal AU. I am genuinely in love with this one ngl. King Changbin is a rizzler y'all. Hope you guys have fun reading this <3

Do check out the other fics in the skz royal series. (The stories are not interrelated)

Here's the link to the masterlist.

Being a woman in this country is not an easy task. Especially when one is a candidate for the position of the country's Queen.

You'd dreamt of this for years, the idea sewn into every thought by your father even since you were child. With time, you'd welcomed the thought without a complaint.

"My lady, the Royal messenger is here." Somi informs you, and your nervousness just goes up by a thousand.

Did you manage to become the Queen and make your father proud? Or did you get disqualified and were now just a daughter of some minister and free to marry any other commoner like yourself?

You run down the hallway and enter the pavillion in front of your house, the colorful banners of the Royal entourage shine under the bright sun.

You straighten your robes and kneel down, head almost touching the ground, as a mark of respect for the King's verdict.

The chief Eunuch opens up the scroll in his hands.

"Please find enclosed the Royal Edict from the King's Court:

I, Seo Changbin, the King of Joseon, have chosen Miss y/n of House Kim as my wife and, by extension, the Queen of our beloved country. I have consulted the three High State Councilors and my mother- the Queen Dowager about the same and we have all unanimously agreed that she would be the best choice for the country as well as the Royal family, owing it all to her wits, beauty and manners.

Congratulations to Miss y/n and her family.

The Royal family would also like to extend an invitation to the bride-to-be to shift into the Detached Palace at the earliest as part of the customary pre wedding ritual. "

It feels as if someone had punched out the air from your lungs, you couldn't speak nor stand, while your parents and brother continuously thanked the Royal Eunuch, accepting all the gifts sent by the Palace for you.

But you couldn't move. You just stayed there, frozen. For life as you had known it has come to an end.

And thereafter begins a new, Royal chapter of your life.

*

"I'm going to miss you, my child."

The days since the Edict pass by in a heartbeat. All the members of your family were busy with packing your belongings while you were busy with mentally preparing yourself to leave your family and house behind forever.

Yes, you'd always wanted to be a Queen. Yes, you'd spent years getting ready for this role. Yet when the time finally comes, it hurts you to think about leaving behind twenty three years of your life.

"I'm going to miss you too, mother." On hearing your words, your mother cries harder.

But as usual, your father shows no emotion. His face is calm.

"Remember, y/n, there are no friends in the Palace other than your husband. You cannot confide in anyone but him. The other concubines will do anything to gain his favor, but you shall always be a step ahead. Be vigilant and loyal. You will make a great Queen." He says. Like the strategist he'd always been.

"Yes, father." You reply, swallowing the lump in your throat.

Your mother clinges to your arm.

"We will try and visit you whenever we can. I'm sure his Majesty will allow."

"Yes, of course. You can visit me anytime. The Palace is only a few hours from here."

"Oh, my child! How will I ever live without you!" Another sob tears out from your mother's throat. You hug her with all the love and care you could muster up in that moment.

Your father walks out of the room, hands behind his back and face twisted into a frown.

*

The Detached Palace is to be a temporary residence for the bride-to-be. For over the next thirty days, you would be receiving lessons on various subjects like history, Royal Etiquette, sewing, cooking and most importantly- lessons on intimacy. The last lesson is considered most important, according to Somi, since it allows you to birth as many healthy heirs as possible.

After helping you dress up for the night and setting up your bed, your maids take your leave for the night, only Somi remaining by your side.

"Do you think I'll see the King tomorrow? It's queer but I'd like to know what my future husband looks like, at least."

Somi sighs, "I don't think it's allowed, my lady. I believe you can only see his Majesty on your wedding day. A month from now."

You're oddly disappointed. You had dreamt so many nights of seeing the King, holding his hand, being by his side, yet the King in those dreams often never had a face.

Was it wrong to yearn to look at your future husband's face? Just once?

A subtle knock on your door startles the both of you.

"Yes?"

"My lady, the King is here to see you." Your handmaid almost whispers the words through the door.

With unparalleled urgency, Somi helps you straighten your clothes and rushes off towards the door.

"Your majesty." The maids and Somi greet him with the customary bow, while you purse your lips in a line, head hanging in a subtle bow.

Your heart hammers against your chest. It's so loud, you're sure even the King could hear it.

"Please give us some privacy." The King commands.

And you heart beats faster on hearing his voice for the first time. Gentle, yet authoritative, just like you'd dreamt.

When Somi closes the door behind her, you almost regret wishing to see your future husband. The proximity makes you nervous and you could only hope you'd not faint in front of him.

"My lady, you may rise."

You'd almost forgotten you were still bowing to him. You mentally slap yourself.

"Y-yes, your majesty. " your voice comes out as an embarrassing squeak, your eyes still on the ground.

You'd prayed for this moment for years, y/n. Why couldn't you just meet his eyes?

As if sensing your inner conflict, the King takes two long strides towards you and hooks his index finger under your chin, sending a chill down your body.

"My lady, please look at me."

And you do.

And he's like everything you'd ever wished for.

Perfect, like a beautifully crafted sculpture.

His soft brown locks, his rosy lips, the subtle mischief in his eyes. Everything is perfect.

"Y-yes, your majesty. Sorry." You mumble.

The king smiles, rubbing circles into your cheeks.

"You may call me Changbin when we're alone."

You nod.

"I just came to ask if you're finding your new residence comfortable. We both shall be busy with lessons tomorrow onwards so I figured tonight would be a good time to visit my bride."

His bride? His bride?

Your legs feel weak.

"I'm finding it extremely comfortable, your majesty. Thank you for your hospitality. "

Changbin let's out a low chuckle, leaning towards you. His lips hover inches above yours. And when he speaks, you feel hot air on your lips, "I told you, y/n. Call me Changbin."

You frantically nod.

"Good. Better be careful next time, my bride."

*

When you wake up the next morning, you're sure you'd dreamt everything that happened last night.

But apparently not.

"The King is a dashing young man." Somi teases as she lathers a concoction of herbs into your hair. "You're lucky, my lady. He seems to be a gentleman."

But you are too caught up in your thoughts to reply to her.

Did the king of Joseon really come all the way to the Detached Palace to see you? What if he's disappointed with how you had reacted? But he shouldn't blame you at all.

You had not been expecting anyone yesterday night, especially not him. But he did come to you. And he touched your chin. If you focus hard enough, you could feel his touch lingering in the area.

"My lady?" Somi clicks her fingers in front of your eyes, "Come back to earth. We have to get you ready for the classes today."

Blushing, you reply, "What classes do I have today?"

You had three classes today: Palace etiquette, literature and what Somi insists most important: lessons on reproduction.

While Palace etiquette mostly includes lesson on how to behave with Royal elders, ministers, maids, the King, literature includes important pieces of literature that are important for a woman.

And lastly, the most dreaded time arrived.

The reproduction lessons.

The tutor shows you all sorts of obnoxious hand movements and some drawings of couples in intimate positions. You feel uncomfortable from the beginning till the end.

A woman at least five decades older than you is teaching you about intimacy? Very awkward, to say the least.

But you heave a sigh of relief when the classes end for the day and you make your way to your room in the Detached palace.

"It's just the first day, Somi and I'm already tired to the bone." You say, kicking your shoes off.

"Well, it's going to be a lifetime of time this now, my lady. And you best be prepared for it."

You reply Somi with silence. But her words make you wonder. If this palace life would ever be less tiring someday? Would it even be worth it?

Perhaps not.

But King Changbin 's face flashes in front of your eyes; his sparkling eyes, mischievous grin, his feather like touch- maybe he is what will make everything worth it.

That night, after your maids get your bed ready while Somi is combing your hair, a familiar announcement echoes through the corridors of the Detached Palace.

"My lady, the King is here to see you."

His smiling face peeps through the doors as your maids hurry out of the room. He wears blue silk robes, and you feel weaker in his presence than you did yesterday.

"Did you miss me, y/n?"

And thus begins a month of secret nightly visits by the King of Joseon to the Detached Palace.

Everyday, you wake up looking forward to the time when King Changbin would come knocking at your doors, always up to some jesting.

Sometimes, he brings you fruits you'd mentioned you liked or he tells you stories from his childhood. At other times, he tells you about that one teacher he will hate till the end of time.

But most times, he spends his time listening to you talk- about everything and everyone, about the skies and gods, about ghosts and afterlife, about favourite foods and literature. After you'd overcome the initial shyness, opening upto Changbin was as easy as breathing, almost natural. Of course, you were still nervous around him, but it's a feeling you'd come to like.

Is this what the writers and poets describe as 'butterflies'?

"Do you think I'll make a good Queen?" You ask him one night. He sits in front you on a cushion, across the room, a position you told him is appropriate for two unwed people (although he did not agree to it initially).

If your nightly shenanigans were to be ever discovered by anyone, you would not want to be found in close proximity to each other even though you were betrothed to each other. He's breaking Palace rules everyday as it is.

He hums, "Of course! I think you'll make a great Queen. You're so good at your lessons already."

"That does not guarantee anything. I might not be good at taking the responsibilities."

"Do you trust my judgment, y/n? I think you'll make a great Queen. And even if you are overwhelmed, I shall always be here."

That night he leaves earlier than he usually does, owing to the fact that tomorrow is the day where his concubines are to be welcomed into the palace. Five of them.

The thought leaves you feeling bitter and dejected, but you make sure to not make those feelings obvious. This is a rule for Kings, to take as many concubines as possible to ensure the continuation of the blood line.

"Don't worry, my lady. Your rank in the palace is above these petty concubines. They will not mess with you." Somi comforts your thoughts the next day.

"But what if Changbin favors them more?"

Somi does not reply to that question.

*

On your 18th birthday, your father had promised to you that he would make you the Queen of this country. He kept his promise because here you are, after five years, getting dressed to be married to the most powerful man in the country.

Your father always insisted that powerful men do not love but Changbin's sparkling eyes always contradicted everything your father had taught. Nevertheless, you know the competitiveness among the concubines for the King's affection is mad. More often than not, even the Queen gets involved in petty fights.

But you try to remove all thoughts of your father and the concubines today. Because today, you are to be married to King Changbin. From today, your name will be written in the historical logs of the Royal family. From today, a new life begins.

"Are you okay, my lady?" Somi asks, "You look worried."

"I'm fine. Just hope the ceremony goes well."

The ceremony does go well and in all honesty, you were not worried about the ceremony itself. You were worried about the aftermath.

The maids guide you to your new palace, and get you dressed in white robes for the wedding night. The night when you will finally meet Changbin as his wife. The butterflies swim around in your belly.

The bed is decorated with flower petals and a few candles are lit. Everything is perfect.

"The King is here." One of your ladies in waiting announce and you get up to greet your husband.

The maids leave the room as the doors slide open and Changbin steps in, also dressed in white robes. He looks dashing, but his signature grin is nowhere to be found.

When the doors close behind him, he walks past you to the bed, the scent of liquor evident in his breath.

"Have you been drinking, your majesty?" You ask him, worried by his odd behavior.

What was wrong with him? Why wouldn't he even bother to meet your eyes?

"Changbin." He slurs, wrapping the blankets around him, "Call me Changbin."

He turns away from you and is snoring away in no time.

The butterflies in your stomach flutter around before dropping dead.

*

You did not sleep that night. Even though you were sleeping next to the man you love, you felt lonelier than ever.

Many times during the night, you consider walking out of the bed chamber to the servants quarter so you could talk to Somi. But you couldn't do that. Because you were now the Queen of this country and every single step you take will have its repercussions.

When morning comes, Changbin wakes up in a haste and greets you with a subtle nod and walks out of the chamber in long strides.

You well the tears back. It's your first day as Queen and hadn't he always promised to be there when you were overwhelmed? Had he lied? Or was it Changbin's doppelganger who visited you every night in the Detached palace?

Somi comes in a few minutes later with an excited smile on her face.

When she does your hair for the day, she asks, "So, how was the wedding night?"

You want to answer her truthfully - how cold Changbin had been, how he had not even looked at you let alone touch you, how you think he had changed almost overnight. But you see the prying eyes of the other palace maids and swallow your sadness.

"It was perfect. Like everything I'd ever hoped for."

"He was gentle, I hope." She says through a grin, but it feels like someone pouring alcohol on an open wound.

"Yes. He was."

As part of royal customs, the new bride is supposed to visit the senior most female member of the family and greet her. In your case, the member happens to King Changbin's mother.

Somi dresses you in the most exquisite silks and adorns your hair with the most precious flower but you feel nothing at all when everyone compliments you on the way out of your new Queen's palace.

Your mother in law's palace is a little far from the Queen's palace yet it is as beautiful as any other palace. From inside as well as outside.

"Greetings, your majesty. It is nice to meet you." You bow in front of the Queen Dowager.

The woman-not more than sixty years of age- looks at you with a gentle smile.

"Come in, y/n. Please be at ease."

You're seated in front of her on a cushion while the Queen Dowager's maids serve you breakfast.

"I hope your first day here goes well, my child. Our family is thrilled to have you." She says.

"The pleasure is all mine, your majesty. I am honored to be a part of this family." You say.

In the back of your mind, you wonder if Changbin is thrilled to have you or not. Probably not.

The mere thought of yesterday's rejection stings.

"Y/n, truth be told, my son is a quite a troubled man. His father was murdered in front of his eyes. He was made the king when he was only 16 years old. It's been 7 years since then, but the burden only gets worse. I hope you, as a Queen and as his wife, can help him lessen these burdens. Can you do that?" The Queen Dowager asks again, sipping tea from a small cup.

"I will do everything I can to help him." If only he'd let you.

"Good, good. I'm glad. And one more thing, y/n, you know as Queen one of your primary duties is to produce an heir for Changbin's throne. I hope you're working on that, yes?"

Heat reaches your cheeks. If only the poor woman knew what her dear son had done last night. If his behavior continues, perhaps it will be long before the Queen Dowager sees the face of a royal grandchild.

"We are trying, your majesty. We will not disappoint you." You reply, sipping tea from your own cup.

"Great! I shall send all types of herbs and tonics to help you conceive as fast as possible. I shall also draw up a chart after consulting the astrologer..." the Queen Dowager's voice fades into the background as your mind drifts off to the nights in the Detached palace, when Changbin would come and spend all his free time with you, against the rules of the palace. At that time, you had been sure that producing an heir would be a beautiful process, not a chore.

But Changbin does not even treat the thought like a chore.

Did he not love you? Did his Royal duties burden him too much?

When you leave the Queen Dowager's palace, you walk past The King's palace. It is as beautiful and majestic as they say. But you wonder if you'll ever be able to set foot in the same.

As if on cue, you see Concubine Jung walking out of the King's palace, her maids behind her. The butterflies in your stomach burn with jealousy.

She has a smirk on her face when she sees you.

"Eun, did you know there's a rumor around the palace that the King refused to sleep with the Queen last night? Sad, isn't it?" Concubine Jung says.

One of her maids giggle and nod, "Of course! How could the Queen even live with this shame?"

You cry yourself to sleep that night, while Somi does everything in her abilities to soothe you.

Needless to say, nothing worked.

*

"My lady, wake up. The King has invited you to breakfast with him." Somi informs one morning, six months after your wedding.

"Tell him I have a bad stomach bug. I cannot go."

You'd be found dead before sharing a meal with him and that obnoxious Concubine Jung. You'd shared enough meals with them already.

The past months, the King had not visited you even once but often you'd see him walking the gardens with Concubine Jung at his side.

After the first few weeks, you had no tears left to shed anymore so when the rumor came in last month that Concubine Jung might be pregnant, your eyes do not water no matter how much you force yourself to cry.

"I do not wish to congratulate them." You say, true and plain.

"My lady, he's invited only you. Not anyone else."

So you agree. As a last attempt to make your marriage work, even if it's just for your own sake.

Somi dresses you in green robes- The King's favorite. You quickly make your way to his palace, as if someone else would take your place if you didn't hurry. It's sad your thoughts had turned so negative in just half a year in the palace.

Your father had told you the King would take in many lovers during his lifetime, and that being Queen is about having power, not being loved.

But you think he didn't warn you enough. He didn't warn you how lonely it would be to sleep on the cold bed every night, how painful it would be to see the King smile at someone else.

Even if you did wish for a child, how could you produce you a child without Changbin?

"Good morning, your majesty." You say to him when you enter his bed chamber. It smells like cinnamon, a smell he'd often carry with himself back when he used to visit you at the Detached palace. Back when you were sure the king had been in love with you.

"Hello, my Queen. Please have a seat."

The butterflies dance around for a split second.

"Did you sleep well last night?" He asks, taking a seat in front of you.

"Yes." Lies. "Thank you for inviting me over."

When the maids leave the both of you alone, his demeanor changes.

"Actually, y/n, I had something to talk to you about." He says, casually, as if he hadn't been hurting you everyday for the past few months.

"What is it?" You ask.

He sighs, "It's mother. Ever since that rumor of Concubine Jung being pregnant spread. She wants the first grandchild to be of the Queen."

His words do not faze you, "How can I help you, Changbin?"

He frowns. Since when had your tone become this melancholic?

"Um, so if I have your consent, I'd like to try for a child tomorrow night. We'll see how that goes, yeah?"

"Okay. I will be honored." You say.

You finish up the food quickly and almost slide the doors open when he grabs your arm from behind.

"Y/n, what is it? Did something happen? Are your parents well?"

"My parents are well enough, thank you for asking." You say, keeping your eyes on the ground.

"Then? What happened? Is it Concubine Jung? Really, you did not have to be jealous of her. She's not pregnant. I can assure you of that. I have not consummated my marriage with any one of the concubines."

His words seem to have an effect on you. Your heart blossoms with hope but you keep your face and voice neutral.

"I am not jealous, Changbin. If one of the concubines get pregnant, I shall wish you both well."

You force your arm out of his grip and walk out the palace, not looking back once.

Changbin's stares at your leaving figure, now worried beyond relief that he might have broken the one person he cared for the most by his pursuits of a greater good.

*

While the past few months for you had been filled with loneliness, for Changbin it was almost the same-if not worse.

The first night of your marriage was filled with as many butterflies for him, as it was for you.

He had fallen in love with you and he wasn't afraid to show the world how much you meant to him. He wanted to hold you, kiss you, make love to you. And he had all plans to do that on the first night.

But that was until he had overheard a secret conversation between Concubine Jung and her father- Minister Jung.

For all he knew, Minister Jung had always wanted his daughter to be the Queen but being the dim-wit that she was, Concubine Jung could not even get through the first stage.

"Father, it's been two days since I'd been in the palace and that man has not visited me once. He had not even asked for my name the day of the welcoming. What kind of man is he? And you say I am to be Queen!"

"Hush, child. In this palace, even the walls are listening. Be careful. And as far as the position of Queen is concerned, you need not worry. If the King does bed the Queen tonight and she get pregnant, we shall make sure her pregnancy terminates before maturity. I have connections with all sorts of medicine vendors in the country, be assured, she shall never see the face of a child. After we weaken the Queen, we can take her throne as easily!"

Changbin had wanted to laugh at the man's foolish plans but deep down, he was worried as well. For you.

Which is why he pushed you away for so long and kept Concubine Jung close. While she tried everything in her power to seduce him, he refused her under the pretense of keeping an oath of abstinence for a year.

Every time she tried to even hold his hand, Changbin thought of you; your innocent eyes, your talks, your wit, your hands, your beautiful hair. No woman could make him feel like you do.

Changbin's secret informants had confirmed that Minister Jung had not one but two houses full of gold and cash he'd collected as illegal taxes from the local people. He'd also sometimes force husbands to send their wives to him in exchange for money. Even the thought nauseated Changbin.

Every time Concubine Jung visited, he made sure to collect some sort of evidence through her. He even visited her every night and while she snored away, he stole some of her gold jewlery and clothes to get them checked as evidence of the illegal taxes her father had been collecting.

And sure enough, after a few months of spying on her and her father, Changbin had gathered enough evidence by now to expose both of them at the court.

But he realised quickly that Minister Jung had a few tricks up his sleeves as well. The rumor of his daughter's pregnancy would make it difficult for Changbin to expose him easily, and so Changbin waited every night that the rumors would die down so he could run to the Queen's Palace and hug you with all his might. You were not safe unless the father and daughter were deposed.

And for some selfish reasons, Changbin had hoped you'd understand the reason behind his distance. But no woman could find a logical reason behind her lover being absent and it was horribly wrong for him to expect you to do the same.

"Are you stupid?" His friend, the eccentric dancer Minho had asked him.

Changbin had told him how coldly you'd behaved this afternoon when he'd asked you if you wished to try for a child. Most women would giggle and blush. But you were like a statue.

"You push her away for months and make her feel lonely and not loved and what not and you have the audacity to ask her that?"

"Well, yes. Mother had been pressuring me for a child and obviously, even with the pressure, I would never do anything that y/n would not have wanted but I thought it would be a great way to reconnect with her. Even if it didn't end in child making or whatever."

Minho let's out a frustrated groan, "You have to learn so much, Bin. But let's start with this- be honest with her. She's your wife and you ought to tell her everything. Give answers to all her questions and hold her hand if she let's you. Small steps first, a child can wait."

Changbin nods, " Okay, should I go to her right now?"

"Yes, you idiot!" Minho says, earning a slap on the arm from The King of Joseon.

He should be glad he's not being beheaded for calling the King an idiot.

*

You're almost done getting ready for bed when the lady in waiting makes an unexpected announcement .

"My lady, the King is here to see you."

Your heart leaps and the butterflies come alive again only to die down once you realise why he might be there. For a child. Isn't that why he's here? Isn't that why people get married in the first place?

"Y/n." He sighs when he enters the room, almost out of relief. He purses his lips.

"Is there anything I could help you with?" You ask.

Oh, how badly he'd hurt you. He could see the hurt in your eyes, in your voice, in your mannerisms.

"Y/n, I'm sorry. I really am. I know I have caused you pain and I cannot imagine how lonely it must have been. But I hope you know that I really do love you and only you."

"Then why the distance? Why visit Concubine Jung every night?" You ask, hands on your hips.

The tears that had left you threatened to return again.

And he tells you everything. From the conversation he overheard to how insistently Concubine Jung asked him for a child to how much solid proof he'd collected over the months and how he'd sent those evidences to the Minister of Security, who in turn ensured that by tomorrow the Jungs will out of the palace and be imprisoned for life.

It all makes sense to you now, of course it does. Yet you feel guilty. He'd been trying to protect you, all this while.

"I'm sorry, Changbin. I shouldn't have jumped to conclusions. I only-"

"Don't apologize, y/n. It's me that should apologize. I should have somehow tried to contact you and tell you about everything. I'm-"

"No, no, Please. Don't. You only tried to protect me and-"

"No, y/n, it's all my fault, please-"

Somi overhears the entire conversation through the door, her mind finally relaxing after the misunderstanding had been solved between you and the King. She could no longer stand you being this sad. And she somehow knew King Changbin had his own reasons for his behavior.

She hears soft sounds of kissing through the door and takes it as a sign to move away from the door, and join the other maids waiting outside the palace door. She smiles to herself.

The butterflies burn with passion.

"I do not wish for a child this early. I want to be here like this with you for a while, just y/n and Changbin and maybe two or three years later, we could try for a child. What do you think?"

When he kissed you initially, you half expected this to end up in the bed. But it did. And you're glad it did.

The butterflies bloom more than ever.

You're wrapped in his arms, tightly. The nakedness no longer bothering the either of you.

"I agree. I want to be this close to you every night, not as a Queen or the mother of your child. But as y/n. As your wife."

Changbin draws his face closer to you, pecking you on the lips, "And so you shall, my love."

And so you shall.

[jae-bummer]

You Are Everything

Request: 20 and binnie??

Prompt:

20) You confess to your idol while sleep talking.

Pairing: Stray Kids Changbin x Reader

Genre: Fluff

.

Grumbling, you smacked weakly at Chan's arm as he tugged you toward Changbin's room. "Don't wanna."

"Just watching you nap made my whole body hurt," Chan chuckled, holding nearly all of your body weight as he hauled you down the hallway. "The couch is definitely not the most comfortable place."

"If I get in bed, I'm going to sleep too deeply," you complained as Chan shouldered open the door. "I told Bin-"

"Yes, we all know you're going to get dinner together," Chan grinned. "He mentioned it at least four times before he went to the gym."

You pouted as he eased you on to the bed. Pushing delicately on your shoulders until you laid back, he then picked up your ankles and tucked your legs under the blankets. "Better?"

You blinked up wearily to the shadow of Chan in front of you. Gazing sleepily around the room, you took in your surroundings. Sure, you had been in Changbin's room a handful of times, but you had never planned to make yourself cozy there. There were blackout curtains hung slightly crooked over the window, a large desk with Changbin's computer setup, and mood lighting everywhere. As you settled deeper into the mattress, you couldn't help but notice the small collection of plushies nestled there with you. "I'm not going to tell you that you were right."

"Of course not," Chan laughed in amusement. "Gotta have some self respect."

You shook your head and giggled lightly before turning away from him. "Wake me up if he isn't back in an hour."

"I won't," Chan sang as he began to leave. "Sleep well, Y/N!"

..

Changbin hummed happily to himself as he typed in the code to enter the dorm. He was always happy when the prospect of food was on the horizon, but this would be better than his average meal.

"Y/N, Y/N, Y/N," he chanted happily to himself as he pushed open the door. With a smile already stretching across his face, he popped off his shoes and dropped his bag. He had already showered and changed at the gym so he was ready to capture your heart through your stomach.

For the better part of a year, he had been trying to convince himself that he wasn't attracted to you. Doing that was much easier than convincing his friends, as they had all been pushing him to make his move before it was too late.

After a long and somewhat stern conversation over drinks with his older members the night before, he had finally settled on it. He was going to confess tonight over delicious food. It was going to be perfect.

"Hey," Changbin grunted, his eyes sweeping across the living area. "Where's Y/N?"

"There's no "hello friends?"" Han asked, quirking a brow. "No "how was your day?""

"Nope," Hyunjin clucked from his spot by the window. Sketch pad in hand, he didn't even bother looking up. "We're old news now, Hannie."

Changbin rolled his eyes before looking helplessly to Chan. The oldest member smiled up at him. "They're in your bed."

It took a few moments for that to sink into Changbin's understanding. "I, I'm sorry, what?"

"They're in your bed," Chan repeated simply before looking back to his phone. "They were tired."

"So...my bed was the best place?" Changbin croaked. At rapid speed, the contents of his room came streaking past his mind. Did he have anything embarrassing out? Had he remembered to handle laundry? Oh god, were his sheets fresh?

"Bin?"

Changbin looked up in surprise. "What?"

"I said you should probably go wake them so you're not late for dinner," Chan hummed. His eyes danced mischievously.

"Right," Changbin nodded. Taking a deep breath, he remained locked in his spot. "Right."

Chan shook his head before standing and giving a firm push to Changbin's shoulder.

"Right," Changbin repeated, finally willing his steps to move him toward his room.

If he hadn't known any better, he could have sworn that a hummingbird had taken up residence where his heart previously sat. Just the image of you in his bed was making him feel fuzzy along the edges. The cuteness would easily overwhelm his senses and he was certain to short circuit and fall to the floor.

Pressing slowly against the handle, he eased the door open. Trying to adjust his eyes to the darker lighting, he stuck his head into the room before his body. He could see your face scrunched up in sleep, your body nestled in a sea of blankets.

If a button smash could be described with a sound, Changbin made it. Springing backward out of the room, he paced quickly back down the hall and faced Chan. "They're in my bed."

"Good on you for catching up," Chan laughed. "Wake them."

"Right," he said quietly before turning on his heel and heading back in the direction he had just came from.

"Wake Y/N up," he confirmed quietly to himself. Pushing the door further open, he took measured steps.

Finally getting to the edge of the bed, he lowered himself to his knees. Now crouched eye level with the mattress, he leaned forward and set his elbows on the blankets. Sliding his chin into his palm, he allowed himself a moment just to look at you.

You were the most adorable person he had ever seen, especially while asleep. Carefully moving his free hand, he reached forward to smooth out the small worry line in between your brows. The contact didn't wake you, but only caused you to stir.

"Mmmm," you groaned. Changbin's hand slowly moved back, unsure of what he should do next.

"Y/N?" he whispered. Deciding to set his fingers on your arm, he rubbed small, gentle circles into your skin. "Y/N, it's time to get up."

Maybe he had made his voice too light or you had been sleeping too hard, but you refused to open your eyes. Taking a deep breath, Changbin moved to wiggle your arm but instantly stopped as you began to make noise again.

"Binnie," you groaned, flopping to face him more directly.

"Yes?" he said, his voice barely above a breath.

"Bin," you squeaked again. Changbin hummed as he began to comprehend the situation. You were still no where near awake, so you must be sleep talking.

"Why are you so handsome?" you slurred with sleep. "So handsome, my Binnie."

Changbin's eyes grew wide as his hands flew to his mouth. He looked from you and back to the door to confirm no one was watching (or playing a joke). Confirming the two of you were alone, he let out a silent shriek of excitement.

"I like you so much," you sighed happily. "So so much."

Changbin remained still, which was a fairly impossible feat for him. He could feel himself slipping into excitement, unintentionally vibrating his own body. Were you talking about him still? Following your string of mumbling definitely made him think you were.

"My Binnie," you croaked again with a small stretch. "Mine, mine, mine."

At this point, Changbin could hardly contain himself. Wiggling in place, he finally let a high-pitched cry escape.

Immediately clapping a hand to his lips again, he watched as you finally opened your eyes. Squinting at him, you let out a small chuckle of surprise. "Hey."

"Hello..." Changbin said slowly, giving you a bit of a side eye.

"I thought I felt someone watching me," you grinned. "Creep."

Changbin nodded in what appeared to be agreement which caused you to laugh even harder. Rubbing the sleep from your eyes, you waited for him to respond. After several moments of him just staring dreamily at you, you realized he had no intention of breaking the silence.

"What's up with you?" you sighed, tucking your hands under your head. "Are you mad I messed up your bed?"

He shook his head quickly before glancing around the room. He seemed to be assessing just what was left on the floor and other surfaces. You didn't care if he was messy, it was his room after all.

"I'm sorry, but I have never heard you so quiet in the entirety of our friendship," you smiled. You couldn't say you didn't enjoy it though. The way he was gazing at you was doing something to your head. You absolutely adored Changbin, but never thought he would feel anything past friendly fondness. He was a nice guy, which meant he was nice to everyone.

"You...you..." he finally managed.

"I?"

"You were sleep-talking," he finally croaked out. His voice was deep and gravelly, as if he had just woken up himself.

"Was I?" you hummed with a smirk. "Any secrets I gave up? I have a few on Han that would be a riot if someone else heard."

"I...think it was a secret," he continued slowly.

Furrowing your brows, a sudden empty feeling started to inhabit your stomach. It didn't seem like this was a joke anymore. Pulling yourself to sit up, you shook your head at Changbin. "What? What was it?"

"You...I..." he started, but chewed on his lip. "You like me?"

"Of course I like you," you whispered, punching his shoulder gently. "You knew that."

"Right," he chuckled nervously. "But this time...uh...could it maybe be more than a friend?"

It seemed like every last drop of saliva had chosen that time to evaporate from your mouth, rendering you speechless. How could you screw up so badly? You were going to completely ruin your dynamic with your best friend all because unconscious you couldn't keep their mouth shut.

"I...I..." you stuttered, looking at him with wide eyes. It soon became increasingly evident that as you continued to find an answer, you did not have one at all.

"You do!" Changbin huffed in disbelief. His lips tilted into his patented crooked smirk.

It took you a moment to clock his expression as you weren't expecting a positive reaction. Did that mean he....?

You didn't have to ask because Changbin was already launching himself at you. With high pitched squeals of delight, he tackled you into bed and wrapped you in his strong arms. Kissing whatever available space he could find on your face, he finally stopped when you placed a hand on his chest. "Bin!"

"Yes?" he grinned, so warm and close to you.

You eased into his body and chuckled. "I'm guessing that means you like me too?"

"Do I like you?" he asked, indignant. "Really? You need it plainly stated?"

"I mean..." you smirked. "It doesn't hurt."

Rolling his eyes, Changbin cleared his throat and pulled you closer. Leveling his stare so he could look into your eyes, he said much more quietly. "Y/N, I like you. Likely more than what is a healthy amount."

You instantly beamed, but that smile was stolen from your lips by a soft kiss. Pulling away, Changbin looked surprised at his self-initiated action. "Was...was that okay?"

You couldn't help but laugh as you reached up to touch his cheek. "How dare you soil my innocence."

"I was caught in the moment and I-" he started to complain loudly, but this was your time to catch him off guard. Holding the back of his neck, you pressed your lips hastily against his. Caught mid sentence, he immediately fell into the kiss and moved to lean over you. You dropped your hand and allowed him to cradle your face instead. He instantly began to deepen the kiss, pushing your head further into the fluffy pillows cushioning you. Sweet and succinct, kissing him was everything you had expected and more. With the press of his lips, you felt so cared for and protected. You would die in this bed if it meant you could lazily kiss him forever. Time didn't exist here, only his face next to yours.

Nipping playfully at your lower lip, you could feel the smile behind his actions. He was wrapped so thoroughly around you that you weren't sure where you stopped and he began. You could feel the heat and tension pulsing through both of you as he moved his hand from your cheek and clutched at your waist instead. His fingers balled into the fabric of your pants, the friction causing a shot of electricity to zip across your body.

You were sure if you continued, you may spontaneously combust. Pulling away slightly, you hummed, "Down, boy."

Breaking into a beautiful smile, he buried his face in your neck, embarrassed by how eager he was. "Sorry," he mumbled into your skin.

"Don't be," you cooed, reaching up to scratch his scalp. "This was...everything."

"Everything?" he perked up, leaning away from you to search your face.

"Mhm," you confirmed. "You, Changbin, are everything."

"I like that," he nodded, his eyebrows pinched in approval. "Everything."

[itsseohannbin]

〉 Romance On The Rocks 〈

Changbin Drabble

© itshannjisung, 2024

♡ itsseohannbins masterlist ♡

Genre: Smut. Fluff.

Summary: if there's anything Changbin loves more than fucking you senseless, it's making love ♡

Pairing: Idol! Seo Changbin x Female Reader

Warnings: Smut. All porn, not plot. Fingering. Soft Dom Binnie. Big Dick Binnie. Multiple Orgasms. Love-making. Slight breeding kink. Slight praise kink. Mentions of choking. Super fluffy.

Word Count: 1.9k

Enjoy!

"Bin-B-Binnie." a long, desperate whine left your mouth in the form of your boyfriend's name, causing a smirk to spread across his handsome face. Your fingernails dug impossibly deeper into the muscles of his large biceps, hard enough to leave half-moon indents across his flawless skin. "Binnie, p-p-please."

Changbin currently had two fingers knuckle deep inside of you, moving them at a snail's pace as he watched your face twist and contort from pleasure to pure bliss. His gaze was locked onto yours, those dark iris' even darker from the lust that was shooting through his veins while he watched you. He was mocking the pout you currently had resting on your lips.

"What's wrong, Darling?" he drawled out in a teasing tone, his fingers continuing to slowly inch in and out of your tight, wet pussy.

Another desperate cry slipped past your lips, leaving his cock hard and swollen. He loved seeing you all hot and desperate for him.

"Binnie, please." you moaned as Changbin then slowly curled his fingers upwards, the pads of his fingers pushing against your cervix delicately. "I ne-need you." Your hips jolted upwards, aching for more.

Changbin smirked down at you before leaning in and planting a soft kiss against the corner of your mouth.

"I know, Darling. I know. I want you too, believe me. But I gotta' prep you first or I'm not going to fit, okay? I don't want to hurt you, baby."

Another cry left your mouth at his words. He'd been teasing you for what felt like an eternity now, but you knew he was right. If he could barely keep you open enough to take his two fingers, there was no way you were going to be able to take his cock.

Contrary to popular belief, Changbin was big. Mostly in girth, but he had some length to him too, enough to allow the tip of his pretty dick to always brush your cervix in the sweetest of ways.

Changbin dropped his head into your neck and began sucking softly on the skin below your ear, causing another moan to erupt from your chest.

God, you needed him so badly. You couldn't remember the last time you were this fucking horny.

"Binnie," you whimpered as he paused his fingers movements momentarily to drag his thumb across your sensitive clit. "Binnie, please."

He removed his head from the crevice of your neck and peppered small kisses down your chest until he was level with your breasts. He left a delicate kiss on your hardening nipple before swirling his tongue around it once, causing you to buck your hips up into his touch.

"Soon, Darling. Just a couple more minutes, I promise." he cooed before his tongue shot out and ran along your bud a second time. "You can take it. I know you can."

You squeezed your eyes shut a moment later when Changbin then added another finger into your tight, wet cunt, a scream threatening to release itself from your chest. You knew Bangchan was home, probably working tirelessly at the kitchen table, but you didn't want to risk him hearing the two of you, so you tried to keep your noises low.

Although, with the way Changbin was stretching you open with his fingers, it was damn near impossible to keep the sounds inside. Changbin wished you wouldn't hold back, wished you let them all out as they came. He loved hearing you scream for him, but he also didn't want to traumatize Bangchan for the second time this week.

Changbin lowered his head again and took your nipple into his mouth a second time, his tongue swirling around the bud twice more before flicking it slowly. Everything he did was slow and sensual, and it was beginning to drive you insane.

You just wanted him inside you. You wanted him to absolutely destroy your insides the way he had done a mere few days ago while you watched him in the mirror he fucked you against, but he insisted he wanted to go slow tonight.

He didn't want you hurting any more than you already were throughout the week after the last round you guys had.

He wanted to take his time.

He wanted to make love to you.

"Binnie, oh my god." you gasped out as he pushed his fingers deeper inside of you, his thumb resuming attention on your clit. The overstimulation of his fingers, his thumb, and his tongue on your breast had you clenching around him, your climax growing closer and closer with each pump of his digits.

A blissful smile then made its way onto your face, your eyes closing in pleasure as the familiar sensation in your tummy spilled over the edge, and suddenly, your body tensed up as the white-hot wave came crashing into you. But then, all of a sudden, there was nothing.

Binnie pulled his fingers out at the last second, stopping your orgasm dead in its tracks. An involuntary whimper left your mouth at the sudden loss of contact and tears escaped your eyes unexpectedly as your orgasm was ripped away from you.

Before you could even open your eyes and beg your boyfriend to put his fingers back in, his cock was breaching your entrance. You didn't even realize he had taken his sweats off.

Despite the prep he'd been giving you for the last twenty minutes or so, his cock still stretched you so much you felt like you were being ripped in half. Slow and sturdy he pushed inside of you, his finger tilting your chin up so he could look into your eyes lovingly as he did so.

"There you go. Atta' girl." he whispered softly as he worked his way to bottoming out inside you. "Biiiiiig stretch, hmm?"

Your eyes widened at his unsuspecting words, and before you could even process what the fuck was happening, you were clenching around his cock, cumming hard. Never before had you been hit with such intensity by his words alone. It was overwhelming, and you felt like you couldn't breathe as the blinding, white-hot pleasure took over, causing you to coat him in your juices.

Changbin's eyes widened in surprise, a proud look on his face.

"Oh my gosh, Darling. Did you cum all over my cock already?" he doted as he began to move, his hips immediately falling into an agonizingly slow pace. The action only overstimulated you, the pleasure of your high was building up again quickly.

You only nodded in response, tears falling down your cheeks as you tried to catch your breath. Changbin lowered himself so the two of you were now chest to chest, his hands coming up to wipe the tears off your cheeks before he kissed you on the nose.

"You wanted it that bad, huh? Binnie's baby loves Binnie's cock, don't you?" he asked as he wiped strands of hair away from your sweaty forehead. You nodded again, wrapping your arms around his biceps and holding onto him.

"Yes." The word was barely audible, but Changbin heard it loud and clear. He leaned down and kissed you softly on the lips as his fingers intertwined with yours, resting them on either side of your head.

"Of course you do. That's why you're so good for me - Ah fuck, your pussy is so good. Feels fucking incredible baby."

His hips then picked up their pace as you stretched out for him, allowing him to snap into you the way he knew you always liked. But this time, he didn't wrap his large hands around your throat like you normally begged him to do.

Instead, he folded both of your wrists into one of his large hands and held them above your head as his lips latched onto yours. His tongue immediately pushed into your mouth, battling against yours. A string of moans and curse words fell from Changbins mouth into yours as his dick slid in and out of you. You felt so goddamn good he could cry.

His free hand then traversed the expanse of your body, his fingertips tracing your curves softly before he curled his palm underneath your knee and hooked your leg around his waist, allowing him to press himself even deeper.

With all sense of control out the window, you let out a loud moan into Changbin's mouth, instinctively wrapping your other leg around him until you were clinging to him for dear life.

The tip of his dick was now just barely brushing your cervix, making you shiver in delight as another orgasm began to build inside of you. Your hands were still trapped in his grip above your head, and Changbin's free hand was now grabbing and squeezing your ass desperately as he chased his own high.

"God, I love you so much, y/n." he whispered as he pulled himself away from your lips and nuzzled his face back into your neck. He planted a soft kiss beneath your jaw before he took a deep breath, inhaling the scent of you. "Gonna' marry you one day, I swear."

At his own words, his hips picked up speed and he began slamming into you so hard you felt yourself moving up the bed. Changbin was quick to release your hands and curled his arms underneath your figure. His hands slid up your back until they gripped onto your shoulders, where he held you still so he could fuck you harder.

"Holy fuck, Binnie. I'm gonna' cum again." you cried as you wrapped your now free arms around his neck and pulled his face back down to yours. You sucked his bottom lip into your mouth and rocked your hips upwards to meet his, causing a groan to leave him. The sound was borderline pornographic, and before you knew it, another orgasm washed over you just as hard as the first one had.

"Holy shit, Binnie. I'm cumming, I'm cumming, I'm cumming." you cried out, no longer caring if Bangchan heard you guys or not.

"That's a good girl," Binnie praised. "I'm right behind you sweetheart."

Changbin squeezed his eyes shut, and less than a moment later, hot strings of cum were spilling inside of you, painting your walls white and filling you up. A long, loud whine slipped past his lips as he continued to rock his hips forward, overstimulating himself to the point where he felt like he was going to pass out.

“Holy shit, Darling,” he whispered as his hips eventually slowed to a stop. “Fuck, that was incredible.”

He lifted his head from where it was shoved into your neck and took you in.

And Hell, you were a sight.

Your fucked out expression, your hair sprawled out across the pillow beneath you, sweat sticking to your forehead and cheeks. He swore, you never looked more beautiful than in that moment.

“I’m gonna’ fucking marry you one day, Darling.” he blurted as he curled a loose strand of hair behind your ear. You let out a giggle, trying to ignore the way your cheeks began to heat up at his words.

“Yeah?” you grinned.

The smile you sent back up to him instantly made him hard again.

“Absolutely,” he responded before curling his arms around your waist and flipping the two of you over so you were straddling him. He pulled you down to his chest, his cock still stuffed inside of you, and planted a kiss on your temple.

“I’m gonna’ marry you and stuff this pussy so full every goddamn day that it’ll be impossible to not have my babies,” he spoke. You could feel him growing hard again inside you despite the loads of cum that was spilling out of your hole, pooling in the curls of hair that sat around his cock.

“Oh, you think so, hey?” you teased as you rested your chin on his hard chest and smiled up at him. Changbin quirked his brow, his hands running aimlessly up and down your back.

"Oh, I know so sweetheart." he chided back before stretching his neck up to kiss you on the forehead. "This sweet little cunt is the only one for me."

Hannjis Pookie Wookie Bears 🐻: @moonlightndaydreams @noellllslut @bethanysnow @channieandhisgoonsquad @queenmea604 @newhope8

[daceydeath]

Cigarettes & Cliches Part 9

Pairing: Bad Boy Felix x Reader Word Count: 4.2K Genre: Collage AU, Slow Burn Romance Warnings: 18+, MDNI, Swearing, Mentions of Emotional Abuse, Mentions of SA,

He was the most impractical guy for you to be interested in, the incredibly handsome cliché bad boy who collected girls like trophies. As hard as you wanted to hate him his persistence and hidden softer side just could be your undoing.

You still hadn’t answered Felix, you knew you should have but you couldn’t until you knew what the conversation between your roommates had truly been about and why it related to you and Felix. Your guilty conscience was weighing heavy on you as you walked into work you picked up your apron, slipping it over your head and remembering how Felix had once called it stupid. Greeting your coworkers as you stepped behind the coffee machine to do a quick clean before you started for the afternoon. You had already spied Changbin and Han sitting in the corner deep in conversation so you left it until one of them came up to the counter or waved at you. Binna, your manager for the night came over and gave you a quick side hug to welcome you back and Hana who had been cleaning tables came over to say hello.

“There are quite a few cute boys in tonight” Hana gushed, placing the cloth she had been wiping down a table with on the counter.

“Really I have just got here I haven’t actually looked around yet” you giggled shaking your head at her.

“A couple of them were asking for you, specifically!” she lowered her voice conspiratorially.

“Uhuh” you rolled your eyes at her “wouldn’t happen to be my friends over there would it?” you asked, jutting your chin in the direction of Han and Changbin.

“How did you know? And are they ‘just friends’ of yours?” she countered raising her eyebrow at you.

“They are both single so knock yourself out Hana” you laughed properly at her as her face lit up, quickly returning behind the counter to serve a customer. Han waved at you when you looked back over to them, making you grin and wave back. Chan wandered into your view then sitting himself down opposite Han and smiling at you, his dimples on full display.

“Can I get you on service please? I’ll take over the coffee” Binna asked casually counting how many full tables there were in the cafe.

“Of course Binna” you nodded, picking up the slice of cake and brownie plates she had placed beside the machine.

“Table 6 please” she sighed, swiping to the current order to be made. You made your way to table 6 placing down the food and weaving your way back towards the counter to pick up the next order noting it was going to be a busy few hours. The guys waited for your break which you took grabbing an iced coffee and going over to sit with them.

“Having fun watching me wait tables?” you teased, plopping yourself down in the gap between Han and Changbin.

“I’ll have you know we’re on an important job scoping out the place for people who have a grudge against you” Han defended goofily.

“And what have you found?” you laughed

“Nothing except that your coworker thinks Changbin is cute and that you seem to sell a lot of brownies and lattes” Chan chimed in, making Chagbin’s face turn pink.

“That’s Hana and I can confirm she does” you giggled “I told you everything was fine it was only an empty threat anyway”.

“It still can’t hurt to make sure you’re alright” Changbin shrugged.

“What have you guys got on for the rest of the week?” you pried looking at each of them expectantly.

“Party tomorrow night, we thought we could have dinner another night this week if you want to” Han explained “Should probably do a little bit of course work at some point too”.

“Yeah dinner sounds good. Which night are you the least busy?” you enquired sipping your drink.

“Maybe Wednesday? Depends how things end up after tomorrow but we can let you know” Chan replied “I’ll give your number to these two idiots so we can sort the details out”. You nodded not needing to say anything over the squawked protest from the other two.

“I wanted to ask you guys something actually” You started which made them all turn to you “What can you tell me about the girl who used to live with Seung and Innie?”. They shared a quick look between each other before they silently agreed amongst themselves to let Chan answer.

“Her name is Yoona and she is currently studying abroad. She got into a masters program but I can’t remember which university” Chan explained “Why are you asking?”.

“Seung and Innie were talking about her last night in the car, they made it sound like something had happened to her before she left, I was just curious that's all” you shrugged trying to seem as nonchalant as possible.

“Right well, she was really sweet and smart so I guess you two are similar that way” Chan smiled tightly which gave away the fact he was hiding something from you.

“So what did Hyunjin do to Yoona exactly then?” you pushed lightly raising your eyebrows at them, if they were going to try to hide things from you, you may as well lay your cards on the table so they knew they couldn’t sweep it under the rug.

“Seung and Innie kept Yoona hidden from us to begin with too, like they did with you” Han admitted guiltily “not because they didn’t trust us but because Yoona was so private they didn’t feel like they knew her well enough to just have her hang out with us all”.

“We all met eventually though” Changbin interjected “She partied way more than you and she was out a lot”.

“Anway” Han continued, looking at Changbin dryly “After a while she met Hyunjin and he thought he was in love with her, she had no interest in him and he hated that. He chased her for a while and eventually she gave in and they hooked up” Han finished taking a long sip from his coffee.

“That’s it? She was the girlfriend that he didn’t cheat on? That's the great big secret?” You frowned even more confused as to what this had to do with you and Felix.

“Oh no” Chan corrected “Because it had taken him months to win her over she had begun to fall for him, he had treated her like she had hung the moon, she was his princess so when she agreed to start dating him he pretty much hit it then quit it. It broke her heart”.

“But you said Hyunjin loved her?” you blinked still not putting all the pieces together.

“Hyunjin wasn’t in love with her, he was a bit obsessed with her because she was immune to him, it was all lust and him enjoying the chase” Chan sighed looking at you seriously.

“So that is why Seung and Innie don’t really trust Minho, Hyunjin and Felix around me? Because they think I’m going to fall into the same trap?” you summarized slowly.

“Pretty much, she only applied for the masters program abroad to escape how shitty she was left feeling” Changbin nodded.

“That’s fucked up” you muttered.

“Yep, but that is the man whores for you. They are great friends, but none of us would trust them with any of the women in our lives” Han agreed. You sat in silence for a moment until the alarm on your phone went off announcing that your break was over.  

“I still don’t get why she has been kept a big secret” you sigh, going back to the counter not witnessing the look the three friends share between themselves. 

Figuring it was all dumb you quickly texted Felix that you would call him after work and got back to the second part of your shift. After another hour Chan, Han and Changbin left much to Hana’s disappointment but you promised to give her number to Changbin when you next saw him which cheered her right up immediately. Exactly ten minutes before the end of your shift you looked up to see Felix walking into the cafe and took a seat by the door, his eyes trained only on you, winking when he saw you looking at him which made you blush. Pulling off your apron and saying goodbye to the others you walked towards the door letting Felix open it for you and follow you out into the night.

“I’m sorry I didn’t answer you last night Lix” you apologized as soon as it was you the two of you on the street.

“Don’t be baby, I know you were overthinking so I wasn’t going to push you” he smiled softly taking your hand in his and kissing your fingers.

“I wanted to ask you about Yoona” you turned your head to look at him “Seung and Innie keep comparing me to her and I don’t know why”.

“Of course they fucking do” Felix grimaced letting out a deep breath “Did you have anywhere you needed to be right now or do you have time to talk?”. The trepidation in his voice was concerning to you but you needed to know the truth that was obviously still being hidden from you.

“I’ve got time Lix” you squeezed his hand soothingly making him nod before hailing a cab and opening the door for you to get in.

“Where are we going?” you asked softly.

“My place, the others are out so we can talk about the whole thing” he replied, giving the address to the driver and wrapping his arm around your shoulder as you took off. The drive was silent but it was only five minutes until you were at Felix’s apartment building his arm around your waist as he walked you inside. You sat on the couch Felix sat himself across from you looking more serious than you expected from a guy who hadn’t been the one to cause Yoona any drama.

“Alright, I’ll explain this the best I can but if you could just wait until the end before you judge us all and never want to see me again” he sighed looking saddened about what he was about to divulge to you “Yoona was the roommate before you that lived with Seungmin and Jeongin, she was another super smart women who was breezing through her courses easily just like you do. Unlike you she liked to party a fair bit and was a little more trouble than Seungmin or Jeongin ever knew, she hadn’t really been to any of the parties we did. She was more into nightclubs but when she did go to parties she was always noticeable. She is a pretty girl, not beautiful like you, but still attractive” Felix took a deep breath and continued “Eventually we met her, she wasn’t interested in any of us which is cool whatever at that point in time none of us had any problems finding other girls to spend our time with but Hyunjin, he ended up obsessed with her. He had a girlfriend at the time as was nowhere near as big a fuck boy as he is now but he broke up with his girlfriend so he could chase Yoona. She blew him off for six maybe seven months which only made him worse until finally after he had been sending her flowers, chocolates and little gifts for weeks on end she gave in and said she would give him a shot”.

“That’s what Chan said and I didn’t get why that was such a big deal” you interrupted feeling perplexed at the idea of you and Yoona being similar again.

“It gets worse” Felix frowned looking at you for another moment before continuing “Yoona made Hyunjin wait at least a couple of dates before she would sleep him and in the couple of weeks that took he lovebombed her hard, she probably felt like she was his queen and that he was willing to do anything for her, when she did finally let him fuck her Hyunjin was like an addict he couldn’t get enough of her. They were shacked up here for weeks at a time going at it like rabbits. Minho and I almost had to move out just so we could get some fucking sleep. But after maybe two months it crashed down when they had a reality check, Yoona thought she had gotten pregnant, she hadn’t but not the point, Hyunjin freaked out and just about threw her out of the apartment forcing her back to your place. After a trip to the doctor she discovered she wasn’t pregnant but it had scared Hyunjin so much he ghosted her, she was shattered he had convinced her that she was in love with him, that they were meant to be together and then he just disappeared from her life. She started partying even harder than hitting nightclubs every night and eventually drank way too much, and got into trouble, she ended up being dropped off at the hospital by some unknown guy, turns out he had assaulted her then took her there when she wouldn’t wake up. She had a bad reaction to the alcohol and the drug he had slipped her so she was there for a week. She decided to apply for a scholarship outside of the country so she could escape everything”. Felix took another deep breath looking directly into your eyes. You could see the sadness and the disappointment that swirled in them whether it was about what had happened to Yoona or what he thought was about to happen with you but it made your heart hurt for both him and Yoona.

“So Yoona left the country because Hyunjin broke her heart and then some random guy assaulted her which destroyed her spirit while she was drowning her sorrows” you echoed his story back to him to ensure you got it correct.

“Yes and I promise that is not what will happen with us. I would never do that to you” Felix swore emphatically.

“I know you’re not going to do that to me Lix” you assured him, he had always told you the truth and had twice stopped himself when he thought he was going to go too far with you. He was careful with you and you knew that he wouldn’t be as careful if it was just about sex to him. “I’m nothing like Yoona though, why do Seung and Innie compare me to her?” you continued, frowning.

“Seung and Innie don’t know she was attacked, they know she was in hospital for alcohol poisoning but the rest only came out when she wrote a letter to Hyunjin after she left”. Felix explained. “Hyunjin showed us the letter so Minho and I know the others might have guessed but only the three of us know the full story”.

“Did Hyunjin blame himself?” you asked, albeit reluctantly not wanting to push too hard about his close friend. 

“He still blames himself, he hasn’t been serious about anyone since and I don't think he will for a long time yet. He knows how much of an absolute dickhead he was”. Felix smiled sadly, getting up from the couch and moving over to sit beside you, taking your hand in his again.

“So if you don’t want us to be public knowledge yet I understand and I respect it”. Felix whispered, his voice hopeful.

Turning yourself so you could swing your legs up over his lap you studied him for a moment. His hair was messy now he had run his hand through it a dozen times as he told you about Yoona, and his eyes were still shone with worry that he was trying to hide that from you.

“I would like to be your girlfriend Lix, if you are sure you want me” you confessed feeling your cheeks heat up as the words left your mouth. His grin was breathtaking, lighting up his whole face as he easily flipped his position to lay you back against the couch with legs slotting between yours. He claimed your mouth lovingly, his soft plump lips sliding against yours as you opened your lips to welcome his tongue with your own. His kisses grew deeper and more precise, his hands trailing down your sides giving you goosebumps as they slid beneath your top to squeeze your bare waist.

“You are perfect baby” he murmured against your lips cautiously rolling his hips against yours making your eyes widen and a small gasp to leave your lips. You felt the corners of his lips curl into a smile against yours at your reaction to him. “So beautiful and all mine”.

Your lips met his again for a moment only to be interrupted by your phone ringing in your bag next to the couch. Felix dropped his head to your shoulder for a moment cursing it almost inaudibly before reaching into your bag and handing it to you.

“Hey, where are you? You’re always home by now, did you get held up?” Seungmin’s voice sounded vaguely worried.

“Hi Seung, I'm on my way. I just ran into someone from class and we got chatting. I'll be home soon, sorry to worry you both” you laughed quietly as Felix got off you screwing up his nose at your mutual friends terrible timing.

“I’ll get you an uber baby” Felix chuckled, getting out his phone and ordering one for you “Let go downstairs to wait so we can get you back to the two concerned pains in my arse”.

You giggled letting Felix wrap you up in his arms as he continued grumbling about not getting to have you to himself for even fifteen minutes, occasionally pressing his lips to your neck and making you shiver against him.

“When can I see you again to make up for it Felix?” you tilted your head towards him.

“I’ll text you later when I find out what my two morons are doing and you know what your idiots are doing” he smirked as the uber pulled up. “Get home safe baby” he kissed you chastely, helping you into the car and waiting until you were out of sight to go back inside. 

Walking into your apartment you couldn’t help the smile that crossed your face when you heard the violent flap of a tea towel mixed with the faint smell of burnt food. Shaking your head you slipped out of your shoes and made your way to the kitchen to predictably find Jeongin waving the makeshift fan under the smoke alarm as Seungmin pulled a tray of burnt edge garlic bread laughing loudly.

“Hey you can’t blame me this time” Jeognin complained loudly “You’re the one that burnt the garlic bread, I just smelt the burning”.

“I’m so glad that no one was worried for my safety, it was more of a concern that you would starve without me” you teased, alerting them to your presence.

“It was a mix of both, if you went missing I would have to eat his cooking more often” Seungmin continued laughing as you went around to the lounge side of the kitchen bench. 

“Innie’s cooking isn't that bad Seung '' you scoffed looking at how cute Jeongin’s offended face actually was. Seungmin stuck his tongue out childishly at Jeongin as you watched him lift the lid of the pasta that he was cooking.

“Are you ready to eat?” he asked, turning to you, bowl in hand.

“Yeah let me wash up while you serve, I'll be back in a second” you couldn't help chuckle at your two roommates, they were constantly bickering like a married couple but would be lost without each other. You quickly went to the bathroom washing your hands and changing out of your clothes into more comfortable sweats so you could lounge around eating dinner in front of the TV with them. Making your way over to the couch you were handed a bowl of pasta and flopped down against one on the couch arms tucking your bare feet under Jeongin’s legs while Seungmin flipped through the channels to find something to watch settling on a variety show that was usually funny. While you ate your phone buzzed in your pocket which you checked while Jeongin was making fun of something one of the guests on the show had just done.

Baby, tell Seung and Innie if you are ready I’ve told Hyunjin and Minho but they will keep quiet under threat of death if you aren't ready today xx

You were sure you must have made an amused and exasperated face because Seungmin raised his eyebrows at you and Jeogin started poking your legs to see if you were still paying attention to what he had been saying.

“What’s happened? Seungmin asked, looking concerned as he put his bowl down on the floor next to the couch.

“I have something I want to tell you and I'm worried I will lose my nerve if I wait”. You swallowed, taking a deep breath in.

“Alright, what is so serious that you have to tell us now?” Jeongin asked “Oh god are you being taken out of school by your parents? Did you lose your job?”.

“It isn't that serious and besides you already kind of know” you admitted looking over at Seungmin who looked like he understood but wasn't thrilled.

“You’re interested in Felix” he stated with no hint of question in his voice “We know he’s interested in you”.

“Close” you nodded pursing your lips “I’m dating Felix, well I’ve been on a date with Felix. I’m the girl who you think is too foolish to know she’s being led on”.

“Shit” Seungmin muttered realizing that you had heard the entire conversation that he and Jeongin had, had in the car.

“Well fuck” Jeongin echoed sounding equally surprised “When did this happen?”.

“Well I went on a date with him the night before we went to Chan’s for pizza, the hoodie I was wearing was his” you flushed when you saw their eyes widen in tandem “I knew you were going to that party so we went out after you left to see a movie. But it started before the University handed down their findings on Nali, the day he dropped in with pastries was the first time he told me he was interested”.

“So you hid it since then?” Seungmin frowned “Why?”.

“Because you guys were being so judgemental about him, Minho and Hyunjin, I was frightened you would kick me out or not want to be friends with me any longer. Then there were a couple of times that Yoona was brought up which seemed hard on you so I didn’t push”. You explained looking at the floor.

“So you know about Yoona?” Jeongin sighed softly.

“Yeah I asked Chan earlier today then when Felix came to pick me up from work I asked him too”. You confessed “I had thought she was the girlfriend that Seung had mentioned to me. I didn't realize that she had been so hurt she felt like she needed to move away”.

“It wasn’t Hyunjin’s fault she moved away, at least not totally” Jeongin interrupted, looking uneasy.

“I know, Felix explained it all to me and told me that we could stop seeing each other if I didn’t trust him to not do the same to me” you continued “But Hyunjin and Minho have figured out that it was Felix’s hoodie so instead of letting them have fun giving everyone clues I thought it would be better to just tell you both”.

“Have you…um?” Seungmin started before stopping himself from finishing his question.

“No Seung, I’m a little harder to win over than a single date” you smirked watching relief cross his face.

“So you have tamed him then?” Jeongin cackled “He would never wait that long if it was just about sex”.

“Eww Innie” you screwed your face up “Can we not discuss my boyfriend's previous sexcapades? Please?”.

“Boyfriend. Well that’s fucking odd” Seungmin laughed “Poor Changbin is going to be crushed, he was sure you would give him a chance”. Jeongin joined in his laughter before pulling his phone out of his pocket and dialing Felix.

“Don’t say anything” he smirked at you, covering his lips with his finger to shush you while he put the call on speaker.

“Innie, what’s up?” Felix answered, sounding like his normal self.

“Felix you absolute fucker” Jeongin snapped, the gin on his face making it hard for him to sound completely angry. “We told you to stay away from her, especially after the whole Nali thing”.

“Ah, umm… I guess she told you then. I know you warned me but she’s worth the risk Innie and I don’t care if you and Seung hate me for it, she’s too important to me to give up” Felix replied genuinely making your heart beat speed up.

“Eww, she’s making heart eyes at the phone now” Seungmin announced, making fake gagging noises.

“Hi Baby” Felix laughed, making Jeongin cringe.

“Hey Lixie” you smiled back hearing much louder laughter coming from the background of his phone “Hi Hyunjin, Hi Minho”.

“Look everything is fine as long as I don’t have to walk in on you two fucking on my couch” Seungmin rolled his eyes.

“Like I’d let you see me naked” You grumbled making all of them laugh.

“You tell him baby” Felix whooped making you blush from your neck all the way to your ears.

“That’s enough of that” Jeongin interjected “You better not fuck this up Felix” he added seriously while looking at you fondly. “She’s important to all of us now, not just you”. He hung the call up before Felix could reply, meeting your eyes.

“I guess it could have been worse” Seungmin shrugged, making you look at him quizzically “I mean it could have been Hyunjin”.

A/N: Thank you so much for spending you time reading this I adore you for it and thank you for all the likes, reblogs, comments and support you have given me it means the world to me xx

Taglist (open): @christopher-bangnaldoskzz @armystay89 @damnyouficc @roamingpolar @bakedlilgoonie @shiy @is2cb97 @beautifulixr @skyhold-tara @army-stay-noel @skizzel-reblogs @facelesswrittes @animehideout @mrsseals16 @honey-pop @fawnpeaks @leeknowinggg @uno7 @seungminluv3 @obeythemasters @tanzen-ist-gold @thicccurls @juskz @3rachasninja @reiheis @partyparty-yah @leeknowyah @warren-thedarkangel @highlydestiny

[orikiys]

✿ ✿ 〞a better wingman

✰ genre : college au, best friends to lovers, fluff, angst and lame humor

✰ pairings :  minho x reader

✰ warnings : breakups, heartbreaks (ofc), reader and minho are oblivious, oblivious pining, mentions of yn although it's just once

✰ word count : 6.8k+ words

✰ synopsis : lee minho, the guy you knew inside out comes to you for help everytime, and you can never deny him, nor your feelings for him.

one.

lee minho tells you that he 'accidentally' broke one of his mom's favourite vases and he tried to stick the pieces back together using the school glue. spoiler: he got a bad scolding and got grounded for a month.

he tends to do the most unexpected things. like buying his best friend, jeongin, a thanos one-piece swimsuit for his birthday or talking to himself even though you stand right in front of him. that for sure is minho for you.

so here you were, cycling to his dorm because 1) you're underage, thus you don't have a licence and 2) you're tired as it is 1 in the morning. the first thing you do every night is check your phone for about 30 minutes before heading to sleep. however, today seemed to be an unfortunate day as the moment your head came in contact with the pillow you were knocked out. not even an hour later, you heard various buzzing from your phone and you were on your feet before you knew it, cycling in the cold without any jacket because lee minho experienced his third heartbreak of the month.

punching in the code, you slide your shoes off and switch on the lights since you knew minho preferred to keep the lights off saying it helped him relax. what you didn't expect was to find him sitting on the couch, with his feet on the table and a bucket of popcorn in his hands as he watched the tv.

"seriously?" you called out in disbelief making the said guy's eyes divert to you in fear. he lets out a gulp and attempts to hide the popcorn but because of his not-so-clean fingers the popcorn ends up scattered all over the floor and the couch.

with a scoff you get crouch down to help him anyway knowing it would be a waste of time in arguing.

minutes later, the dorm looks presentable to say the least. you sit beside minho on the couch with the tv playing in front of you.

you turn your face towards him and glance at his features, trying to figure out whether or not he had a heartbreak.

people with heartbreaks would be sobbing on their beds, stuffing food in their mouth or re-watching a sappy movie under the blankets.

lee minho did one of those things, but he didn't cry. nope. it was as if today was a normal day. but you knew it wasn't. not when you saw minho's proclaimed girlfriend announcing her break up via social media.

with a sigh you finally pluck the courage to ask him,"what's wrong?" his expression hardens and he looks away from the screen and into your eyes but no words come out of him.

"you were right. she was a bitch," he mutters saltily, breaking eye contact and letting out a smile to let you know it was okay. but it wasn't.

being minho's best friend since grade 5 you knew him inside out. from his flaws to his laughs, you shared all of them with him.

minho drapes an arm over his eyes, finding the lamp too bright for his liking, "just tell me how you knew it."

he looks into your eyes for an answer, but honestly you didn't have one. it was always like that, you being his matchmaker but he ends it in not more than 2 weeks.

with every relationship of his, you lose hope that he would ever notice you as something more than a childhood best friend.

back to the girl, you knew minho didn't like people who like to show their life publicly on socials. neither did he like people who would fake their behaviour just to get someone like them. and that girl was the perfect example of the two things minho hated. yet, sometimes you do wonder if you ever fit in his ideal type.

"just a woman instinct maybe?" you laugh it off but you know the first flaw you ever find in minho's girlfriends is whether they can treat him like the way you treat him. you had a high self-esteem and you knew that. but it was the truth wasn't it?

"by the way," he begins to say, which draws you away from the spiral of thoughts, "you never told me how your date went."

date? you suppose you could call it one. but that would mean you're simply lying to yourself. how is it a date when all you thought during that time was what minho would do or what is he doing currently.

"it was great. we decided to meet up for a second one at the cinemas," you reply with a giddy smile and he shakes his head in disbelief though you swear there's a faint of a smile.

"cinemas? really? isn't that too cliche for a second date? if it was me i would take you to cat café or an ice skating rink."

if. if only you were one of minho's girlfriends you would. but you knew his taste in girls sucked and he usually went for the ones who would seem like total red flags to you.

"cinemas aren't too bad either!" you protest and turn towards him entirely, with raised eyebrows minho stares at you in a way that tells you there's no way in hell your standards are that low that they're practically kissing the ground.

"okay tell me, did he at least pull out a chair for you? did he even compliment you more than once?" you give him a pointed look as you try to change the topic. but all that is forgotten when you feel minho wrap his arm around you and pull you closer to him. so suddenly, that you malfunction. you can even hear his heart thumping loudly against his chest.

two.

you're very much aware that the guy sitting next to you is a creep. you regret it so much for even agreeing for a second date. but hey! at least the movie's good right?

and before you could even register what's happening, there stands lee minho with fingers wrapped around the guy's arm.

"i knew i sensed trouble the moment you agreed on a second date," minho mutters and glares at the guy before grabbing your wrist and dragging you away.

there are various questions that run in your head but you don't let them out loud.

"get in," he says, pointing to the bus that arrived. with a sigh you get in and sit down followed by minho.

the moment the bus departs you look at him, "care to explain what happened back there?" you weren't mad at him. he just saved you from that traumatic date. but you wanted to know why he did that.

minho as usual grabs your hand and traces his finger over your thumb, avoiding eye contact.

but then he whispers, "be thankful i saved you from that creep."

now it was your turn to be speechless. you knew minho would never give you a straight answer despite whatever occurs.

"i can save myself, okay? i don't need you to save me minho," he merely glances at you before muttering a half-hearted 'sure' and looking outside from the window.

it was as if a switch clicked in you the moment you received the reminder to buy face masks. it wasn't your usual routine but you figured it's good for some relaxation. and today, you definitely needed one.

“min," you tug at the hem of his sleeves catching his attention and he hums in response.

"you know i was wondering if-"

"stop dragging your words and just say what you need," despite him rolling his eyes you drop the bomb. a second later he looks at you as if you said you wanted uncooked ramen noodles with a peanut butter spread. yeah, let's not go there since those sucked.

"please min! if i don't apply my facemask today i'll apply make-up on you! or maybe i can even-" your voice gets muffled under his hand, the one he wrapped gently around your mouth making you automatically run out of words.

"fine, fine we'll go. just don't even mention that incident," his pleading eyes almost makes you laugh but then you remember the situation you were in, so you try your best to keep a straight face. at least until you reach the store.

minho hated that one incident that happened in grade 10. you two were classmates + besties so it was normal for you both to follow each other like a puppy. one day, just one day when you were absent, you missed minho embarrassing himself in front of a girl. the thing was, she asked minho to give a letter to her crush. but minho being the oblivious idiot he was, he consoled her after he rejected her, making her lose her mind.

from that day on, you teased him to death with every opportunity you were offered.

three.

the next time you meet up with minho is a week later. he’s already waiting for you outside your building, leaning against a lamp post and scrolling through cat videos on tiktok with two coffees in his hand, presumably one for you and the other for him.

when you exit your building, you feel your heart melt at the sight of him. his unruly hair, his favourite black graphic hoodie which you’re sure he’s worn for the 7th time this month. the hoodie was a gift from you while you were out on a shopping spree.

there’s times like these when minho feels as if you’re very observant of him. wherever you go, there has to be at least one thing that reminds you of him. whether it be a cute cat on the street or a bucket coat hanging outside a shop, minho is everywhere. this feels like the main reason you can’t get him off your mind. he’s practically snatching away your thoughts and filling it with himself, that sometimes you do wonder if that’s the case with him as well. but of course, you could never muster up the courage to ask him such a weird question.

he looks a little embarrassed, as if he wants the earth to swallow him up right then and there. you suppose it’s because he’s been standing there awkwardly, having to look at people in the passing while waiting for you.

the moment he spots you, his expression brightens and he practically skips to you, after sliding his phone in his pocket.

“took your lovely time as always didn’t you?”

“you’re just jealous because you had to get me a coffee today when usually it’s my habit.”

“oh please, that’s not true at all!” he exclaims trying to defend himself but there’s no use when you laugh at the boy making him flush.

there are multiple admirers lining up for your best friend, shaking as they make their way up to him just to say ‘hi’ or purposely standing near him during college events. it also doesn’t help that his whole friend group were the campus crush from their respective majors.

minho was handsome, there was no doubt. he had a good personality as well so it was no wonder that when people found out you were his best friend, they approached you almost daily just so you could set them up with minho. at one point it got so tiring that you told them off, at least now they don’t bother

minho on the other hand takes it to his advantage, just like he does every time you visit a cafe. he manages to get discounts on shops just because he attempts to ‘flirt’ with the shop owners. you’re very much sure that by now, he has almost the majority of them swooning over him. but then again, can you blame him for being so ridiculously good looking?

minho pushes you forward by placing a hand on your lower back, while his other hand is clutching his coffee, guiding you to walk ahead along the sidewalks of your university.

“do you want to grab some food?” he asks as if he didn’t just have his lunch. one thing about minho is that he may not show his affection by skinship but he treats you with meals almost every other day.

“min i just had my lunch and if i’m not wrong so did you. We’re gonna end up getting sick,” you remind him, making him groan and place his head on your shoulder. you’re very much aware that minho is close, so close that you can feel his breath on your neck. too close that you can smell his shampoo, and too close that you think you might explode if you were in this position for another second. jokingly, you shift forward making his head slide off. a glare is all you get as he follows you nonetheless seeming to forget the not-so-small incident

minho falls into step with you and throws an arm over your shoulder and he makes sure you’re on the safer side of the road, bumping you to move to the side

“nonsense, no one can say no to food. plus i’m paying so it’s a dea.”

you’re about to say your goodbye to your best friend, heels shifting to walk in the opposite direction when his hand easily wraps around your wrist, pulling you back to where he’s stood. you slap his hand away, “i’ll come with you only if you take the responsibility when i get sick and write down notes for me,” there’s silence surrounding the two of you before he clicks his tongue and lets out an eager nod making you grin.

“lead the way mister.”

you sigh out loud when you reach your usual outing spot, the korean bacon. the place is as usual least crowded during these hours which gives you the best opportunity to have great hot meals, served to you quickly. this was discovered by minho when he randomly entered the shop and found it isolated. since then the both of you hang out at these hours and especially on the weekdays since the shop owner is kind enough to let you both sit for long durations.

you and minho both greet the lady and she lets out a wide smile upon seeing the two of you, together as always.

“how are my favourite children doing?” she speaks, leaning over the counter to get a better look at the two of you.

“we’re doing good aunt. how about you? the place seems to be busier than usual nowadays,” minho chimes in and looks around making the lady nod in affirmation.

“yes, yes that’s true. my son introduced a new recipe for chilli bacon and people seem to love it. I’ll give you both a free meal of it. do you want something else?” after minho is done with taking both of your orders, he moves to settle back to wherever you’re seated when he spots jisung and changbin sitting at your table as well. he lets out a scoff as he out of all people should’ve known they both practically live here. changbin’s aunt is the shop owner so it’s no wonder he pops in for free food.

“not you two again,” minho groans out loud and places the plates in front of you. he takes a seat across from you and scowls at jisung who’s seated next to you. jisung simply smirks knowingly before shuffling closer to you making minho glare at him warningly and all changbin does is laugh at their antics.

“so to what do i owe this pleasure?” you question mockingly and turn towards jisung who clutches his chest dramatically, “oh dear yn i have tremendously missed you ever since our dear minho has kept you hidden.”

“i haven’t kept her hidden,” minho replies while digging for his food, making the other three follow him.

“so wanna know something that happened today?” changbin speaks up after chewing, making you look up at him expectantly.

“jisung gave someone his autograph!” you stare at him blankly not knowing whether to laugh or not.

noticing your expression, minho chuckles before speaking , “tell her the entire thing!” making changbin nod his head with excitement. changbin then proceeds to tell how a delivery guy asked for jisung’s signature for delivery purposes and jisung thought the guy wanted his autograph.

“seriously jisung i feel so bad for changbin,” you fake a pout but burst into laughter when jisung rolls his eyes despite a sheepish grin spreading on his face. your laugh causes minho to smile fondly as he stares at you. your laugh is contagious, and he knows it very well. he notices the way your eyes scrunch up when you laugh or the way you keep a hand over your mouth to muffle your laughter and the sight itself is so enchanting that minho would do anything to keep looking. but reminding himself that it may seem weird to you, he diverts his gaze back to jisung who’s trying not to strangle changbin for sharing his embarrassing incident.

on your way back home, changbin and jisung quarrel over who’s more embarrassing and the sight itself seems too amusing to you.

you giggle which makes minho raise his eyebrow and he follows your line of sight before letting out a chuckle, “they’re so weird aren’t they?”

his question makes you smile, “weird yes. but in a good way i suppose.”

there’s silence as you side by side in peace before minho rants to you about his day. he tells you how he missed his alarm and woke up an hour late. then he tells you how he managed to even miss the bus but thankfully he spotted chan who offered to give him a ride. but you know minho would’ve gotten in his car anyway. the way his eyes widen when he tells something that caused him to be frustrated or the way he makes gestures using his hand— all of this is too familiar to you. because it’s now become a habit of his to tell all these to you.

you look up at him and look away when he meets your gaze. it’s moments like these when your heart makes you realise that he isn’t just your best friend. he’s much more than that. and you would do anything to keep these feelings to yourself in turn of a precious friendship becoming distant.

minho gets cut off when jisung throws an arm over your shoulder and changbin does the same to minho, “how come only she gets princess treatment? shouldn’t i get the prince treatment too?” jisung pouts and looks at minho who pushes his face away making changbin laugh out loud.

“if you’re a prince then i’m the king. since i always outshine you because of my handsome visuals,” jisung and minho look at changbin blankly making you burst into fits of giggles.

“if you both are prince and king; then i am a cat!” minho chimes in with a smirk making you shake your head in disbelief.

“that you are!” changbin says with a giggle but he stops when he notices minho turns to him. and without a warning minho is running behind a panicked changbin.

it’s moments like these when you’re reminded just how happy you are to have him and his chaotic group of friends. and you wouldn’t change it for anything.

three.

there you were, back at finding guys instead of trying to find a way to win minho’s heart.

“i’m home!” he greets out loudly with two bags in his hands and he wiggles them teasingly before making his way over to the couch where you sat.

“guess what i got?” he asks, overly excited which makes you bite your lip as you fight to smile. playing along with his antics was your thing. and minho absolutely loved it when you did.

tapping a hand against your chin you begin, “is it a pokemon hat?” he shakes his head in denial but with every passing second his patience runs out and he stops you.

“you’re absolutely going to love it!” he winks before passing a bag over to you. immediately, you dig your hand in it and fish out the first thing you grab. upon seeing it you squeal out loud and throw yourself over minho who manages to catch you and laughs out loud when you mutter a chorus of thank you’s.

“see i told you! i saw these operation true love printed polaroids and i immediately thought of you! you told me how much you loved it,” your clutch the polaroids close to your chest and before you know it your eyes trail over his face, outlining every one of his features. and even though minho can feel your burning stare he doesn’t say anything and arranges the grocery he just brought,just the way you like it since he knows you hate when things are misplaced.

“ramen or pasta?” minho doesn’t even have to ask but he still does it out of formality and grins when you point at the stack of ramen packets. both of you are the worst cooks in the world. so the only way you can survive is by feeding off ramen packets, especially the 1+1 since it’s much more convenient as minho explained to you the last time.plus you get those scratch off lucky cards, and even though you have 0.001% of making it the scratching is satisfying plus it’s something to keep yourself busy in, other than ogling at minho.

minutes later you’re seated beside him and commentating on kdramas because you’ve got nothing to do.

“remind me again why you always crash my place?” you say while raising an eyebrow making minho look at you in an amused manner.

“firstly, i get you free things and secondly,” minho leans to you making you cower back in response, his mouth moves to your ear and he whispers, “you love me, don’t you?” the words get stuck in your throat and before you know it minho smashes a pillow against your head making you huff since he had a way of messing up your hair.

“minho! i just brushed my hair!” upon your whine he just merely shrugs, but now it’s his turn to whine when you throw a pillow at him, quite aggressively.

“oh you did not,” you let out a shriek when he throws you on the couch and tickles your sides making you laugh out loud.

“stop-! my tummy aches because of you,” you mutter keeping a hand on his wrist while the other is resting on your hand as you stare straight into his eyes. minho, surprisingly obliges and stops. you’re very much aware that your heart is beating loudly. but it’s probably because you two were playing around? right?

“get off you’re heavy,” you joke and slap his back when lays beside you.

the last thing you remembered was falling asleep in lee minho’s embrace with his arms wrapped around you.

it was just some platonic cuddling after all. right?

four.

when you knock on minho's door at 11 p.m he doesn't question it. he simply pulls you in his embrace and rubs your back in a comforting manner. it doesn't even matter to him that you're getting his favourite green shirt wet. all that mattered at the moment was you.

“part five?” It’s even harder when he does things like this, little by little making your heart feel whole again he questioned, pulling back to examine your expression

“more like the finale, i broke it off with him,” you mumble and throw your bag somewhere near the couch before plopping yourself on it. keeping a hand on your eyes you block out all the light and sigh tiredly.

minho's eyes follow every one of your moves and he crouches down to pick up your bag and places it on the table before pulling out a chair and sitting in front of you, “care to tell me what happened?”

and you do. you tell him everything about the guy being an asshole and yelling at you for every small thing. but you leave out the main reason for your break up. lee minho. the man you were dating knew you were head over heels in love with him, and when you forgot your anniversary but remembered minho's one year working at a cat adoption centre,he broke things off.

“that’s it? seriously? what is wrong with you and your taste in men?” minho replied with an exasperated sigh and ran a hand through his hair.

“it's not my problem guys don't show their true selves during the first date!” you defended yourself but you knew you were at fault. minho took in a deep breath and his hand found yours. he held your hand gently and intertwined your fingers before looking at them with a soft smile.

“you know, when i first met you i thought you were another one of hyunjin's friends who just came to say hi. but when you shared your lunch with me, I don’t know why it felt nice having a new friend. and you were just so so different, you know?” not once did minho look up to see your expression. his eyes stayed glued to your hands.

“and you tried to be a bitch to see if i wanted to be your friend or not. how childish,” you mutter, rolling your eyes and minho finally looks up at you. his expression however, is different today. it's serious. there's no hint of sarcasm neither a wink nor smile. he just stares at you for a full minute before saying, “how about you start your part 2 with me?” he questions leaving you utterly confused.

“part 2?” he nods in response and tucks your hair behind your ear before confirming, “part 2. part 1 was of us being friends. part 2 can be us being something more.”

if you were speechless the last time, you’re sure you've lost your voice by now. your wide eyes stare into his warm ones and he lets out a sad smile upon seeing this.

“can we try this for a month?” he questions and brushes and holds your hand tighter making you lick your lower lip nervously.

“it's okay if you say no-”

“sure,” you reply, cutting him off and there you see his genuine smile growing as he shows off his teeth before ruffling your hair.

the deed was done, all that was left was the outcome.

was it real? or was it just a dream? your eyes bore into the ceiling as you toss in the bed for the nth time. your mind was still occupied by the lingering touch of minho's hands near your hair, or near your hand, or maybe near your back. it was a warm, fuzzy feeling and although it did get you internally screaming for more, you knew you had to wait. at least till both of your feelings were mutual.

just then your phone dings and roll over the bed to check it.

it's a message from the said devil.

sleep well! ><

it read. with warmth creeping up your face you press a pillow to your face to muffle the squeal that escaped.

it was finally happening. the guy who you had been pining on for years, insinuated for something more. and in hell were you going to let this opportunity run loose.

five.

minho sighed for the upteemth time as chan continued giving him scoldings, telling him how he shouldn't keep his feelings to himself and let it out.

but poor mino, if he ever let them out so easily, the people around him would be paralysed with trauma. especially you. he knew confessing his feelings just after saying he wanted you to try would come off as a shock to you. would get scared? would you think he's a creep? or would you straight away reject him? minho shook his head to get rid of those thoughts when he overthinks.

“minho,” chan sighed and sat next to him. he kept a hand on minho's knees and patted it softly, “look… all i'm saying is just go for it. after all, you told us she likes you as well right?”

“i don't know anymore,” minho pressed his palms to his eyes in frustration and chan being the good friend he was, rubbed an arm soothingly on his back.

“listen up,” jisung announced loudly and there was a fixed expression plastered on his face. one that made chan gulp anxiously.

“you,” he began and pointed at minho who sat straight, curious on what was about to happen, “if you don't confess to her by next week i will.”

chan furrowed his brows in anger and stared at changbin in confusion who shrugged as if he had no clue. minho stared at jisung silently, not sure whether or not to take the younger's words seriously.

“she doesn’t like you,” minho protested calmly, though it looked like he was trying to contain himself.

“yeah sure. and the one she likes is being a coward and avoiding all his problems!" if this didn't anger minho, it would be a lie. chan held minho back, as he was about to walk to jisung. jisung merely let out a scoff, “how long are you going to hurt yourself like this? how long are you going to pretend that there's nothing going on between you two? even an outsider like me, knows that you two are not only friends as you claim to say. man up and confess to her dude before it’s too late.”

the door slammed loudly after jisung left. and minho just stared at the ground before he felt two arms wrap around him. he didn't protest and just buried his face in chan's neck.

who knew the next step would be even harder than the first?

six.

when lee minho told you he had great ideas for dates, you didn't know if he actually meant it or not. but upon the first date, you're blown away when he takes you stargazing.

“none of your dates did this, right?” he asks with a cocky grin over his face even though he quite knows the answer. if you weren't too busy gawking at the view you would've shut him up.

“how did you even find this spot?” you ask ridiculously, making him smile and shrug in response, “it's minho's talent, sweetheart.”

sweetheart? did he like calling you that? yes. did you like him calling you that? yes. a thousand times yes. you clear your throat and avoid the way your face flushes and instead focus on the arrangements minho made.

the glow of the moon was faint, yet still predominantly illuminated the night sky. you let your eyes wander over to where minho sat on the grass with his arms supporting him and a carefree look on his as he closed his eyes in relief.

“you know i can feel you staring,” he mutters with an amused smile and despite his eyes being close he can sense when you walk closer to him and brush his hair back revealing his bare forehead.

“you look handsome today,” your attempt to flirt fails when he opens his eyes and looks at you with curiosity, making you continue.

“what I mean is that-”

“shh! enough talking. sadly, the night isn't too young today,” he cuts you off with a pout making you huff and despite that you oblige. you both lay beside each other, with his hand on your stomach as you clutch it and trace patterns on it soothingly.

despite the moon’s hazy presence, you are persistent enough to wait outside on the cold ground to watch as the transparent clouds roll by to reveal distant stars. grom your frame of reference, you can easily spot each beautiful constellation, seeming to waltz throughout the sky. back at home, such patterns couldn’t even dare to be seen in the sky; light pollution was prominent from where you came from. nevertheless, you feel the loving presence of the stars around you, knowing all too well that you are not alone. minho is always by your side. always.

you have always seen couples giving each other promise rings to stay with each other forever. to love each other endlessly and forever. to cherish each other forever. but, you never understood it. you always had a different way of approaching perspectives which were already meant to be.

you know that people can change overtime. so you also know that feelings can change as well. what about the promises then? would forever turn into a long forgotten past? and you were afraid of it. afraid of being forgotten.

with a sigh you try to get these thoughts out of your head and inch closer to minho who immediately wraps his arms around your shoulder and pulls you to his chest.

“what's on your mind, pretty?” he hums softly.

“what's on your mind with all these nicknames?” you retorted back teasingly, making him chuckle in response.

“nothing deep. except maybe i'm really thankful to have you,” he turns his head at the same time you do and you're very much aware of the minimum distance between you two. your noses are practically touching, and you can even see the reflection of the moon in his orbs. and it's surprising because he's your star. the one that shines the brightest in the entire sky. and the one that has always grabbed your attention no matter what. your fond staring is interrupted by lee minho, “close your eyes.”

“why?”

“just close them.”

“the last time you told someone to do that, you dunked their head with a bucket full of cold water,” you accusingly jab a finger at his chest, recalling when changbin was oblivious to his pranks and had fallen for them pretty easily. minho smiles a bit but looks at you back again.

“don't you trust me? just do it!” he whines making you huff out loud.

“jeez, fine. no murdering me okay?” you joke but immediately shut your eyes when he glares. you feel him slip something cold on your neck and he lifts your head up after adjusting the size.

“okay, you can open them now,” minho announces and rubs his hands nervously together when you open your eyes.

“since you can't see the necklace by yourself as it's a bit short, i clicked a photo,” minho flashes the bright screen against your face, making you scrunch your eyes as you try to read it clearly.

you feel yourself freeze momentarily, staring at the screen in front of you. you knew minho was creative with his gifts but you definitely didn't expect him to give you a necklace with the pendant of a paper that had been attempted to straighten but there were faint marks of it being crumpled.

as you stare at it for longer minho decides to speak up, “yeah, it's that same paper i crumpled and threw at the back of your head when i wanted to confess. but you, my idiot, thought it was for another girl. it was pretty dumb of me to not mention your name and i've been keeping it with me ever since, in hopes one day it would come in use. looks like today's a lucky day for me,” it leaves you speechless, looking up at him but he instantly breaks eye contact.

he’s wordless as he encases it, and it’s only now you see that something’s different about him. it's funny how two oblivious and idiotic friends failed to recognize their own feelings. this is a story you can tell your kids, you thought to yourself. but your heart squeezes at the fact he cherished so dearly.

you’re sure the nudge in your heart is easily seen in your expression. he looks so beautiful as always. his face shines due to the moon's light and it's hard not to stare. it’s even harder when he does things like this, little by little making your heart feel whole again. his smile seems too attractive today, and his hair is styled differently as well. It’s even harder when he does things like this, little by little making your heart feel whole again. he is the last piece of puzzle which you were finding ever since. though, the journey to it was a bit tricky.

“i'm really happy as well. to be witnessing these stars with you.”

he makes your heart ache with warmth and cheeks ache with laughter. you're sure he's the one and you lean over to him, wrapping your hands gently around his neck.

minho's ears flush at the action but he follows your lead, resting an arm over your waist to steady you as your upper body leans into his.

there’s a look on his face when he looks at you, and you only realise it now—the look he reserves for his cats, and his obsession over 1+1 ramen noodles. there is no better feeling than having the hope of reciprocation.

and with a soft smile lingering on your lips, you dip your head slowly while looking into his eyes for any signs of disagreement but there's none. seeing you take your sweet time, he impatiently captures you in a sweet kiss. his lips mould with yours perfectly, as if you were born for this. as if you were both meant to be. his lips were warm and soft. they parted slightly, allowing your tongue to slip inside.

your eyes flutter close after confirming it wasn't too good to be a dream. pulling back, he let his forehead rest against mine and lets out a soft laugh.

“i love you so much you know that?” the words slip his mouth and he lets out a smile after finally having said it. almost as if this was something he had been wanting to say for a very long time. you look into his eyes, searching for any sign that would indicate any teasing, but you don’t find anything. you only find his eyes sparkling with something someone would name as mischief. but knowing him, you know it's happiness. and affection. and perhaps even engulfed with love and admiration.

"i love you too. so so much," falling in love with him was the easy part; it's admitting to yourself that it happened that's hard. you see you've had these very efficient defences for so long and you didn't even notice them. how rude. he thought they were meant for others and he had his own door. he could ask why, but what's the point? he's here and you're so glad, even if you're sometimes hiding, imagining a distance instead of seeing you right there.

he loves you in the way a puppy loves; devoted, playful, trusting. he guesses he should be ashamed of that somehow; aren't we all supposed to be tough? yet he prefers to be strong; strong enough to risk being broken all over again, to love again, full knowing his own fragility. he's known enough heartbreaks enough to shatter anyone's mind, to leave your soul feeling like dust in the wind and your body unwilling to live. but, you my love, you are worth my life and all that he has left is yours.

and although he doesn't say this out loud, he wishes to say more in the near future. he wishes to do more in the near future. he wishes to hold you in his arms and talk all night long, until the sun rises. or to dance with you under the rain and kiss, right after. he wants to bake your favourite cake even though he doesn't know how. and mostly, he wants to love you in every bit of it. with every breath, he wants to love you tremendously more. and he wishes to engulf you in his warmth. that's how lee minho truly loves.

“I must say jisung's advices were never wrong,” his touch still lingered. like the smell of earth after rain, or like the leftover foam after an emptied down cup of coffee. like that feeling of warmth after you're burrito wrapped in a blanket during winters. it's all too familiar to you. but yet, all too special that you want them to keep replaying no matter what.

you've never been this happy. never felt like the skies could ever do wonders like this. but with minho, everything has a way of becoming special. from unspoken thoughts to little giggles under the duvet during snowy days. or from late night runs to the convience store to picking out each other's outfits.

all of it will be repeated. just with a twist of part two. and you will always have lee minho, right by your side. forever.

[loserlvrss]

꒰ 𝐆𝐎𝐍𝐄 ꒱ 이민호

summary : it's coming up on your boyfriends' death anniversary, and something's finally telling you to let go

genre : angst, minho x afab!reader tws : angst, death, grief, depression, various substance abuse, mentioned suicide, various suicidal thoughts, very slight reference to religion author notes : maybe i cried idk word count : 3.4k

skin to skin. it’s what most humans crave. the contact and warmth of someone; romantically, familiar, platonically. all humans are the same. we are designed to crave a comfort since birth, to form connections beyond intellect. we look for anyone and everyone who could fill that desire… and when abandoned, nothing will ever feel like enough.

“you’d never leave me, right?” you said, tracing small circles on the tan skin of your boyfriend, whomst you love with your entire heart. he was everything to you, and you him, “you’ll stay with me forever, right?”

you bounced lightly as he chuckled, “of course,” you felt his hand grip your bare side harder, “forever.”

“promise me.” you held up a pinky, and his eye cracked open at the shade behind his lids.

he stroked your side gently as he brought his other hand up, locking his smallest finger with yours, “i promise, y/n.”

the bitter reality hit as your eyes opened. you couldn't figure out the time, and honestly you didn't want to check. the void of color in your room — life — was enough to always put a dampen on your spirit, and ultimately, day. you turned over, and for it being a relatively good dream, you were drenched in sweat. you reached across the bed, the sheets wrinkled where you hadn't been sleeping. but, you were alone, and it sunk whatever was left of your heart.

you grumbled, borderline whined as you turned over. you don't know why there was an actual pain shooting throughout your body. you don't know why the impending desire to just lay there until the end of time consumed you. you don't know why your eyes teared up, creating a watercolor painting against the dimmed colors of your room.

you don't know why you were always questioning what was real and fake nowadays. you could've been caught up in a nightmare — you figured you could wake up any moment and not feel this jaded in your everyday life — but it never subsided.

you didn't want people to tell you that everything would all be okay. you didn't want people to tell you that depression passes. you didn't need anyone to know that what you felt right now was less than human. you didn't need the memories to remind you of what can't be washed away; of what you can't get back. you didn't want to lose those moments in time though, like you had lost the real thing, because it was all you had left, but knowing that you couldn't make any more felt like ripping stitches.

it was acid on a never healing wound knowing that peace was something you only felt when asleep. and the only way you got to sleep nowadays was with the aid of various drugs.

it was an unhealthy habit. a struggle you knew shouldn't feel as good as it did. but a vice is still a vice whether it has that name or not.

your hand reached to the side table, finding your phone and ultimately leaving it face down. you continued to search until your hand found a rattling bottle — an orange pill bottle — that peers would say you practically lived off of. and you did. only ever feeling remotely like yourself when a couple were thrown to the back of your throat to dissolve into your bloodstream.

you truthfully didn't know the dose you were supposed to be taking, everything dulled down by your seemingly never ending high — you never being sober because it was too hard to — and you definitely didn't know why your psychologist kept prescribing them. maybe she had no idea that you were on the edge of a cliff, just desperate for an excuse to topple off it, but you found it hard to believe that she was that bad at her job.

you felt like you were just a lifeless vessel being controlled by the fumes clouding your brain. yet, if you wanted to stop, you would, right? it wasn't an addiction if it was willing, was it?

maybe. but truthfully your secondhand high was too strong for you to care. so, you lit up another carelessly thrown about blunt, inhaling the smoke until you were completely numb. until you couldn't feel your fingertips. until you couldn't form a coherent thought.

until you couldn't remember why you wanted to die, too.

you trudged the scene your bedroom was in: clothes, packages, bottles and other miscellaneous things littering the hardwood. despite being alive, you felt like you were drowning. a physical sting in your chest. a deep sigh that never escaped your lips. you were walking on broken glass with every step, but the pain would never be comparable to the turmoil you already find yourself in.

if this wasn't hell, you didn't want to know what was.

you never turned on any lights, the windows being covered by curtains 24/7. you could see through the flimsy fabric that the sun was barely still up, or maybe it was just gracing the sky with its' presence. you didn't know, and if you didn't have to make a living in a capitalist society, you wouldn't care either.

you would be contempt living (more like going about) your day inside the confines of your home. sure, you hated being alone, especially with your thoughts, but you were never truly alone; haunted by the ghosts that paint your walls in a dark shade of red; and you were never sober enough to think anymore.

never letting yourself feel the gravity of grief, quoted from your therapist, is not allowing you to receive closure, to heal from the loss of someone you gave your entire heart too.

however, closure, in your fucked up mind, meant forgetting. and as much as it pained you, chained you down in the depths, you couldn't let go of the memories. even if you ended up dead because of them. at least, you thought there was a chance you'd be able to meet again that way.

you weren't in denial, like your all-knowing doctor seems to think. no, you knew what happened. you remember it clearly despite trying your hardest to cloud it out. you couldn't be going through the stages of grief if they never changed — they couldn't even be considered stages if they've turned into your despised lifestyle.

you loved, but hated the never changing facial expression. you loved, but hated the liquid that made you so slurred. you loved, but hated the fact that someone you couldn't have left you with the door wide open. you loved, but hated knowing that maybe you weren't good enough to make him want to stay. you loved, but hated that you are still so in love with him when he's, where? if he could see you in this state, would he be able to say that he once loved you too? if he could see you crying every night, dressed in the clothes of his that you have yet to wash, would he still think that out was the only way in?

he was your everything, even after everything had ended.

so, why weren't you his last thought? why didn't he even have the decency to write you a letter in embodiment of his dying wish? why couldn't he just give you the answers you used to so desperately yearn for? even in death, he had to be the selfish one. wasn't leaving enough? you didn't know.

but, it's been 12 months.

those answers never came, and now you didn't expect them to magically appear. not after you tore apart your entire apartment, inch by inch, crevice by crevice, coming up empty like it was a cruel fucking joke. like you were a rat trapped in a cage, on the hunt for cheese that was behind an unreachable wall.

you used to wonder if you had done something differently, complained less, listened more, would he not just be the rain that splotched your skin.

it's as if the sky was mocking you. as if it's asking if you really had the audacity to be upset with something you couldn't control.

but you were only half alive, barely half a mind to think of anything rational when your stability was ripped from under you like it was just a flimsy rug to being with.

you were free falling, and you never learned how to fly.

“y/n,” your eyes tried focusing as best they could, but the flashing lights were making your head spin more than it should, “we have to check inventory before opening. the boss said someone’s been stealing — and we’re not accusing you because we know what you take.”

the woman in front of you, your coworker of a couple years brought her hand to rest against your forehead. “are you okay? you seems worse than normal.”

“u-uh, yeah.” she eyed you in disbelief, “i’m good.”

you weren’t, but you still followed her behind the bar to crouch down and count the bottles. you’d probably use most of them anyways, as tonight was always the busiest of the week.

truth is, you weren’t even sure what number you were on when you fell onto your butt, catching your coworkers attention. the booming music making your chest bounce with the bass, and the in-time lights spinning and flashing and changing was throwing you off.

even if you were crossed, you’ve never had a problem getting your work done. you could even fight back the nausea, the discomfort and dizziness that it caused your body — but today, today was different.

you weren’t in-tune with anything. not being able to beat the funk. even when you tried to stand back up, you put your hand on a bunch of napkins, slipping and falling right back to the ground. it was frustrating, borderline humiliating. even as she tried to help you up out of the good in her heart.

you felt tears brimming, “y/n. it’s okay, let’s just get up. i can take inventory. you seem like you need to rest for a little bit before opening.”

stupid, useless, unbelievable.

why couldn’t today just go the way it was supposed to? you kept wondering if this was a cruel joke. today of all days had to be the worst on top of everything it stood for. it had to be someone’s doing. and whoever’s been controlling your life must’ve been one sick individual.

you, at least, hoped they were happy in your misery.

you huffed, forcing yourself onto your knees, hands splayed over them. you looked at the bones of your knuckles, wondering how hard one had to hit to get knocked out — you were always better unconscious than conscious.

then, your eyes set on a clear bottle. it was filled to the brim with a blue liquid that you didn’t even bother to read before pulling it off the shelf. you opened it and took a long swig. when you finally put it down, your coworker had a horrified look on her face.

you gave the bottle up easily when she reached for it, “y/n… what’s the matter with you today? you need help. seriously, i’m so sick of you fucking everything up!” she grabbed at your hands, trying to get you to stand up, but you were too heavy for her to even begin to move; a dead weight, if you will. “oh my god, get up! all you do is get high and throw a pity party! how long is this going to be? how do you even live like this?”

it was a question you heard often. how do you even live like this? but they didn’t know living would be such a painstakingly long journey. sure, maybe they were only asking because they cared, because they were genuinely curious, but you had no answer.

and you feared you never would.

was living truly worse than dying? all signs would point to yes. maybe he had the right idea after all…

you heard whispering above you, “it’s his death anniversary today, j-just — let’s just send her home. we can deal with it tonight, right? customers aren’t going to want to see her drinking their drinks. help me get her up. she’s miserable.”

you felt like you had lost all control — seemingly having none to begin with — you got up on your own, something within possessing you, and stumbled to the door.

maybe your coworker was right. maybe you do fuck everything up. maybe you were miserable. maybe that’s why you’re here and he’s not. maybe that’s why you can’t seem to grasp the sand that keeps slipping through your fingers. maybe you were better off with the same fate as the one you loved so dearly. maybe the depression would finally consume you, like your therapist said it would if you didn’t intervene, like you’ve been praying day and night for.

you wanted to die, but you always thought it would’ve been in his arms.

now, you were cold. a wondering spirit searching for the only thing that could set them free; and what you feared is knowing that that thing wasn’t something that you’d ever find.

you swear you could feel a hand on you. a grip on your shoulder that kept pulling you back. but maybe that was your diagnosis of trauma-induced hallucinations. because truthfully, your derealization and depersonalization had gotten so bad your doctor thought about prescribing you anti-psychotics.

however, you’d have to un-ghost your psychiatrist for that to ever happen.

your breathing was labored, the earth spinning too quickly for your liking. you tried to blink away the blurriness, but the sky was also too bright, despite the rain, making you squint.

it seemed everything was retaliating all at once. it’s said karma catches up with bad people, and were you finally falling victim to it?

no, you were just falling.

falling so hard that you can’t even remember what happened next. did you pass out after hitting your head on the concrete? did you die? you could only hope for so much.

your eyes opened, but the world seemed different, colorful once again; a dusty orange hue to the air. you looked around confused as to how you ended up back in your room.

did someone find you? so you hadn’t hit your head hard enough to die; maybe next time, you thought.

you looked to your feet as they left wet footprints behind on a clean floor. all of your boyfriend’s clothes were folded nicely on the bed, as if someone had just washed them. it no longer smelled of mildew and various rotting substances. you couldn’t even find the couple grams that were on your nightstand this morning. but there was also another smell wafting through the air; a smell of tea and cherry blossoms.

much like that night 12 months ago.

the night everything in your world had come crashing down upon you. the night you lost every part of yourself to the grim reaper. the night you lost the game you thought you were winning. the night you lost the only love of your life.

the night minho, your boyfriend of six years, committed suicide.

he left you to relive every waking moment without him like life was a cruel fucking joke on you. left you with the pitiful looks friend and family would give you. left you with funeral preparations and arrangements. left you with heaps of chrysanthemums. left you to weep as the cherry blossoms fell from the trees and snow from the sky.

he left you in every season, and you never knew why.

you never knew why the radio static sounded like him. never knew why the smoke would bounce off his silhouette. never knew why you prayed to someone who clearly wasn’t real — who clearly didn’t care to hear your pleas — but, god did it bother you once you’d figured out you wasted all that time. you never knew the why of a lot of questions, and it left you feeling nothing but empty; numb; jaded; hallow; anything that spelled out that you were just a walking corpse with very low cognitive recognition.

you found it hard to believe he loved you as much as he did. but if face-to-face, you’d forget that thought ever crossed your mind, because at the end of the day you were beyond devoted to him. he was your soulmate, and you’d find him in any lifetime, you were sure of it.

so, why couldn’t you let go? why couldn’t you do yourself the favor and move on? whether that be in this or the next life. why couldn’t you follow his lead and find him once again.

maybe you would finally awake from this torturous nightmare —

“minho?” you all but shouted out against the gentle breeze of an opened window, “minho? are you there? is that you?”

you heard the pattern of steps on wood, soon met with the face you’d not grown to forget. he looked confused, concerned at your obvious state of disbelief, “are you okay, baby?”

you felt his hands on you, watching as they slowly followed the length of your arms, finally pulling you into his chest.

you wanted to ask how, but you know that you only ever see him when you’re high. but you didn’t feel high right now; and you obviously knew what it would feel like if you were, after abusing anything you could get your hands on for a year.

you wanted to come up with any excuse, but the very real scent of his cologne (that had faded from his hoodies after a couple months) filled your nostrils. you felt comforted, which hasn’t been something you felt for what seemed like decades. minho was the only one who brought you solace, but he had left you. so how was he — no, how were you here right now?

god, you must’ve finally hit your wall. you must’ve finally found the breaking point and flew past it. you had finally gone insane, that was the only real explanation you could come up with.

your therapist said it would happen if you didn’t quit, but why would you ever listen to her? hell, maybe you should’ve. but, if this was insane maybe you didn’t really mind being enclosed in his arms.

but it felt wrong. how could you spend months of your precious life grieving the fact that he was dead, if he’s hugging you right now? how could you spend all your time getting high enough to not feel sad if he was right here in front of you?

his flesh felt real, but so did the ache in your heart.

“h-how?” he hummed, not entirely hearing what you said. you pushed him back, but the grip on your forearms remained, “how are you he-here? how are you alive? y-you killed yourself, minho.”

he seemed confused, a slight smile still adorning his features though, like he couldn’t believe the prank you were playing on him. but to you, he looked so real, just as you couldn’t erase from your memory — a snapshot in time that you captured oh-so-long ago.

“you’re dead, i-i was there. i buried you!” the room seemed to lose all color — like it’d been splashed with arctic water, a shiver running up your spine — which once had an orange hue, was now a dark shade of blue, like the depths of the ocean.

his face lost the smile, ice lacing his fingertips almost like he had been deep in the dirt rotting away. “i found you minho. i-i tried to save you but it didn’t work! i tried, i swear i did, b-but,” tears brimmed your eyes, quickly making their way in valleys down your cheeks. your voice was weak, but you hadn’t used it much in the last year anyways, “you were dead, minho! the emt’s pronounced you dead at the scene. y-you’re not real. y-you left me. i watched them put you in the ground. i cried for hours, minho! i stayed with you for days. i prayed to a fucking god i don’t believe in to make you come back to me! i only ever saw you inside my head, when i wished upon every star it was real! minho, you’re gone.”

his words were a push to the knife that only ever danced upon your skin, never plunging and never drawing blood, “then, why won’t you let me go?”

reblogs, likes and comments are greatly appreciated! thank u!

— perm tag list .ᐟ send an ask to be added c:

[jisungsdaydreamer]

Anti-Romantic | TEASER | CHAPTER 3 OUT NOW!!

«GENERAL M.LIST» · «NAVIGATION» · «TALK TO ME» · «SERIES MASTERLIST»

Pairing: Hyunjin x Fem!reader Genre: non idol au, fluff, smut, romcom, drama, opposites attract Warnings: swearing, explicit sexual content, dysfunctional relationships, taboo couples/relationship therapist and patient dynamic

P.S. ♡ If you like my work, please consider giving me feedback in the form of reblogs, comments, and asks! ♡

As the most beloved dating coach in the sunny state of California, Hyunjin has dealt with all kinds of nightmares— from real desperate housewives and their indifferent husbands to toxic shotgun marriages doomed to fail— and he’s fixed them all. Dubbed the “Love Doctor,” Hyunjin has a PhD in both sociology and broken hearts. Every single day for Hyunjin ends the same: yet another flashy career success and to celebrate, sliding on his rose-tinted glasses and sipping on pink champagne, his perpetual poison.

That was all before you, of course.

For your entire life, you’ve been unlucky in love. From your endless unrequited high school crushes to your situationship who turned out to be gay, love has just never been in the cards for you. It’s all changed you from a hopeless romantic into a pessimist who doesn’t believe in true love. You now make fun of every couple you see, religiously watch wedding fails on Youtube, and absolutely hate romantic comedies. 

But no amount of lackluster girls’ nights or hours thrown into your crappy job can fill the hole in your heart. You’re absolutely lonely. In one last attempt to give love a chance, you ditch your Tinder dates and decide to turn to L.A.’s famous “Love Doctor,” this hotshot relationship therapist all of your friends rave about. 

Barrelling into Dr. Hwang’s office like a cyclone, you bring along your signature stormy attitude and want a remedy to your emotional dry spell, even though you still believe in your heart that counseling won’t work for you. You don’t expect, however, your new intimacy expert to be hotter than hell, definitely not a middle-aged woman ready to lecture you about putting out.

No, Dr. Hwang is more like the Grandmaster of love, the amorous warlock of the West Coast, and with the way he silently strips you with his bedroom eyes the moment you walk in, perhaps even the sex scholar of the Valley. As he slowly disarms your defenses, you do your best not to let him know of your inappropriate fantasies about him. But even worse than your impossibly vivid wet dreams, you’re falling in love with your fucking therapist. Or Hyunjin, as he so charmingly commands you to call him. 

And you try to keep your feelings for him at bay, you really do. But Hyunjin just doesn’t give up, relentlessly tugging at your mind and heart and taking up every quantum of your life. Because after all, the Love Doctor loves a good challenge.

«GENERAL M.LIST» · «NAVIGATION» · «TALK TO ME»

TAGLIST @army-stay-noel, @hwangjuhong, @chizumiyoshi

📢 ©jisungsdaydreamer 2023 | All rights reserved. I do not condone translations or transfers of my work onto other platforms such as Wattpad, AO3, etc. Tumblr is my only platform. Acts of plagiarism are strictly prohibited.

[pettypuppy-jonghyun]

Cuddling With You | Hyunjin

Summary: when Hyunjin really just wants to cuddle you

Warnings: none it's so fluffy I could die

Word count: 1034

•••

Some days you find yourself spending time in Hyunjin's art studio with him. He would be painting or sketching something on one side of the room and you on the other. You didn't have to be doing something artistic like him, you could even be catching up on work and typing away at the computer, Hyunjin enjoyed your presence. You both enjoyed each other's.

Most of the time you both sat in silence. Occasionally one might put in their headphones to fill the silent room, but never assume the other wants noise. It just was a unspoken rule to keep the peace. It was the best place for the two of you to go when you needed a break away from the real world, but still wanted time together. Hyunjin loved quality time with you more than anything.

But some days, he yearned for a little more than that. Some days, he would glance over to your side of the room to see if you were busy. He would form a plan on how to attract your attention without him verbally saying it. His mind would slowly remove itself from his project, slowly filling with only thoughts of you. Having you in his arms for the rest of the night sounded so tempting.

Tonight was one of those nights you wore headphones. Your back was turned towards him as you typed away at your computer. Although you had finished the paperwork for you job a long time ago, you stayed on the laptop to write a story. It was one you had been working on for quite some time and finally had the will to continue once more. You didn't notice your lover's eyes begging for attention right behind you.

Sighing, Hyunjin finally set down his paintbrush. He realized he wasn't going to have any luck looking longingly your way when you never turned around once. And the longer he waited for you, the more he realized how much he wanted to hold you. It was well past midnight and now he wished for nothing more than your sole focus to be on him. It was far too late in the night for you to still be working on anything important.

Arms wrapped around you from behind, pulling you to the back of your seat and against Hyunjin's chest. These movements startled you and you instantly pulled out the headphones, attempting to turn around and face him. His arms locked you in place and kept you from doing so. He leaned down so his face hid in the crevice of your neck.

"You smell good," he hums softly. "Did you change your soap?"

You laugh. "I used the soap your mother gave me for a birthday gift. Do you like it?"

That's why, he thought. His mother knew what he liked best. Although he loved the scent you used before, because it represented you the most, this smell was almost intoxicating. You smelled like home, love, and memories. Everything he ever cared about all in one bottle. He made a mental note to thank his mother.

"Come to bed?" He asks you, peppering sweet kisses down your neck and to your exposed shoulder.

Although unable to turn, you reached a tender hand to cup Hyunjin's face. "What's wrong, my love? Are you having artist block?"

He shook his head. "No, but I'm so very distracted." Another kiss or two to your bare skin before he finally turned you around to face him. His brown doe eyes were filled with adoration as he gazed upon your own, wondering if you will agree to his request.

You couldn't possibly deny Hyunjin like this. He was already tempting enough when he didn't plead for your attention. But the rare nights where he requested more love than normal, those nights were hard to resist. You found your fingers twirling through his long hair, wrapping it around a couple times before delicately tucking it behind his ear.

"I'm feeling quite tired," you found yourself saying. "I don't mind calling it a night."

Hyunjin was hoping you would say that. He tucked his arms under your own to help you to your feet. But when you paused your movements, not taking a step forward, he was worried you changed your mind.

"What's wrong?"

You smiled slightly. "Kkami..."

You both glance down to your feet where Kkami laid peacefully. His light snores suddenly became more prominent when his presence was noticed. He shuffled comfortably on your feet when you moved to stand up.

Hyunjin frowned. "Why is he okay with cuddling you all the time but now me? The person who's had him since I was 16?"

You giggle and hit his shoulder. "Did you also not want to cuddle with me?" You reach down to gently cradle Kkami into your arms. He adjusted fairly quickly, allowing you to move him into the bedroom with Hyunjin following slowly behind.

Hyunjin wouldn't admit it, but he was jealous. He couldn't tell if he was jealous of you, his lover whom was able to show affection to Kkami and receive it. Or if he was envious of his dog, who could lay by your side all day long and be able to have the most gentle care forever. Either way, he wasn't able to change his situation. He could only watch as you placed Kkami on his dog bed at the foot of your shared bed.

"Good night sweet pup," you coo, petting his head when he raised it. He gave you two small kisses to your nose before snuggling himself into a ball.

Hyunjin crawled into the sheets of your bed. "My turn." His arms out stretched to your figure, beckoning you closer.

You took to your side of the bed, lifting the covers to scootch in easier. You snuggled all the way into Hyunjin's arms, wrapping your legs around his own and burying your face into his chest. He gripped you tightly for a moment, giving you a nice squeeze before releasing you enough that the two of you were comfortable. He wiggled down some and rested his head atop of yours.

"I love you," he whispered.

"I love you most."

[luvsta]

— Paper Rings

Capa feita para futura doação

Data: 07/11/23

Nota: essa eu enrolei horrores pra postar porque fiquei morrendo de vergonha 🥺 agora acho ela uma querida!!!

[dejinerate]

His Muse

Pairing: Hyunjin x Reader (Fem)

Brief summary: Hyunjin has a *special* art project in mind with you, and he needs your help desperately.

Story contains: explicit sexual themes, brat, dom, self recording

Rating: SMUT, MA

18+/MINORS DNI

It’s a lazy afternoon, a warm and slow Autumn day. Your eyelids start to close as you rest on the couch, waiting to succumb to the nap that’s about to overtake you. Today was such a cozy day. No tasks needing done, no plans for once, and no chores needing completed. It would’ve been a perfect day…  Except Hyunjin wasn’t here. Early in the morning, he said he had to run a few errands, but… he was far too excited when he said that. You decided to let him have his fun though, seeing that excitement means whatever it is, is important. Noticing he was in a rush, you didn't ask any questions. He kissed your cheek and practically ran out the door.

 “I’ll be back soon, I promise!! Wait for me!” 

It was getting close to evening. You don’t usually worry about him, he texts you if something is wrong. You sigh, shifting your position on the couch and ready to take a short nap, as that would make time pass by quicker. 

Your phone pings. 

“I’m headed home, I’m so sorry I took so long! I have so much to show you! Get dressed. I have a surprise.”

A surprise? Well, surprises are always welcome.  You text him back:

“What’s the theme for the evening? You always know what’s best to pick.” 

The response is almost instant and your phone pings, but this time, it's an audio message. You listen to him speak as you can hear his fast footsteps,

“Wear that one dress I love so much, baby. I have an idea. Can you wear a robe over it, though? I'll explain why when I get there. I just.. won't be able to focus.. and I need to focus, I need your help with something. Please do as I say and be good for me.. I know you wanna tease me, brat. And trust me, it always fucking works... You drive me crazy. This is important to me though. Behave for me, just this once? ” 

You huff at his response but bite your lip, knowing he’s right. He knows you so well though, he knows how much you enjoy teasing him while you wear that dress. You think about disobeying, but.. , he really does seem excited about something, and you want him to have his fun, too. He never really pleads like this. Mentioning that it was important to him means serious business.

“I’ll behave, Hyun.” you text back.

Another audio message pops up.

“Good girl. I’ll be home in 20 minutes.”

Well, so much for napping. That woke you right up as if you just chugged an entire vat of coffee. Excited, you rush to the bedroom, immediately knowing the dress he spoke of. He always had such good taste in fashion. He frequently would give suggestions for what to wear and would help you choose outfits, and he often liked to match you in colors and styles when you went out together. You trust his judgment when he tells you to put something on. He knows your body and what looks good clinging on your curves. You find the garment, a cream colored silk dress with tiny straps, that bows at the cleavage, and clings at the hips. The way the fabric shifts in the light looks like flowing liquid. It’s such a luxurious piece. It’s a show stopping high end designer brand dress that Hyunjin bought you for your first anniversary. He spoils you so much, but he especially spoiled you that day. The dress wasn’t cheap by any means. After an entire day of making meaningful memories, you went shopping together, and he was the one that spotted the dress and picked it out. As soon as he saw it on you, he told you to get changed, knowing you didn’t need to try on anything else. He’s been obsessed with it ever since. He makes sure it’s well taken care of, as it always gets professionally dry cleaned after it’s been worn. 

 It’s such a flattering shape. It really highlights the plumpness of your chest, the curve of your ass, and the dips of your hips. It’s… extremely short. It rests right below the bottom of your cheeks. When you wear this in public, Hyunjin likes to drape whatever coat he’s wearing on your shoulders, claiming you as his. He finds a lot of satisfaction seeing you in that provocative dress with his jacket, which is far too big on you. His protective instincts kick in, knowing how gorgeous you are. Don’t get me wrong, he absolutely loves showing you off in public, knowing how good the two of you look together. But this dress is his weakness. This is a dress he only lets you wear when he reserves an entire restaurant for a private dining experience. He wants to be the only one to see you this way, and he’s extremely possessive when you wear it. It’s surprising he hasn’t done any damage to it yet. Just thinking about what the night could possibly entail leaves you so pleasantly anxious. You feel your stomach fluttering, knowing he’ll be driven mad over the sight of you soon. 

As you slip the dress on, a thought comes to you. Though you have to wear a robe when he gets home, he never said anything about…. Underwear. You giggle to yourself, and take off both the bra and panties you usually wear for this. He can suffer tonight. You’ll make sure of that. Satisfied with your choice, you grab your house robe and put it on, then get to work on your hair and make up. You curl your long hair with just a few waves, and you keep it nice and soft and elegant with the make up look, nothing too dark. While you’re putting on the finishing touches of mascara, you hear the door open.

“Baby, c’mere!” 

Your heart leaps at the happiness in his voice, and you run to the living room to greet him.

He has lots of bags in his hands, but also has a camera strapped around his neck. You don’t remember him leaving home earlier with a camera… 

You give him a quick kiss to greet him, and he puts the bags down on the dining table. 

“So, I got an email this morning that the brand new camera I’ve been waiting for was finally in stock! It was at that one store down the street that we went to that one time, they have so many cool lenses… I picked up a new wide angle lens. I was so excited that I couldn’t wait to try it out. I've been running around the city all day, taking photos… I can’t wait to show you and see what you think. I took quite a few that you’d like. Oh! After I got done taking photos, I went to the art store on the way home and bought more canvases! I think i’m going to try acrylic or watercolor paint this time, but I couldn't decide, so I kinda went overboard and bought everything…” 

You giggle at him, he’s truly nerding out right now, and you love that he can show you his excitement over his hobbies. You both are artists, so it’s a shared love that you two bond over. You mainly do photography, while his normal medium is painting and sketching. He recently got into photography, so to see him so inspired to create art just melts you. Hyunjin glows when his face shows he loves doing something. 

“I’m happy for you, Hyunnie. I bet you took some amazing photos today.” 

After he’s taken the camera off his neck and set it down, he walks towards you and wraps you in his warm embrace. He smells like.. the smell of outside. He smells like the scent of leaves and crisp Autumn air. You embrace him in return, and he puts a hand on your cheek and starts giving you happy little kisses as he mumbles against your lips.

“I-” kiss  “have-” kiss  “an-”  kiss “-idea.” 

You laugh at his assault of kisses, returning his enthusiasm. 

“Tell me, I’ve been dying to hear.” 

He pulls away from your lips as he holds you around your waist. He’s gazing intently at your face, looking at your eyes. He looks a little nervous now. 

“I want to photograph you tonight. It’s been a long time since we’ve gotten to be creative together. I want to paint the pictures I take of you.” 

You smile back at him, “That sounds like a ton of fun actually, where do you wanna go? The leaves are so pretty this time of year, the reds and oranges just now started to show, we could go to the park…”

“No,” he interrupts you, “we’re not leaving the house tonight.” 

Oh.

He continues, “I want to photograph you… in the shower. With that dress on. The new lens I bought is perfect for water shots.” 

Oh. 

The look in his eyes is pleading. That definitely took you by surprise. He must really want this. He doesn’t really ever ask you for anything, he’s usually carefree about choices between you two and if you say yes or no to ideas. But… he must be craving this. You never know how an artist will envision a scene. It seems like he’s been envisioning this, a lot, and the desire is blatantly apparent in his eyes as they search for your answer. He notices you hesitating.  

“I’ll buy that dress again for you, I promise. Ask me for anything. It’s yours. Please do this for me, baby. I need to paint how beautiful you are.” 

Well fuck, when he puts it that way, how can you say no? He asked so nicely, too. 

“Let’s do it, Hyunnie. You’ll have to direct me though, okay? I want you to get the right shot.” 

His face lights up and he swiftly picks you up, you shriek at the surprise and your legs automatically lock around his waist so you’re held securely. His large hands support your legs while he carries you to the bathroom, as he’s profusely thanking you for being open minded to the idea of being so vulnerable in front of the camera for him.

He sets you down on your feet in the bathroom and says, “Now turn the shower on for me, my gorgeous girl. Go ahead and take the robe off. I’m gonna go grab the camera, and grab the music speaker as well. We should play some music, maybe it’ll help us both relax.” He scurries off, and you giggle at his chaotic retreat. You do as he says though, shrugging off the robe as you turn the shower on. It can’t get too steamy in the bathroom, or else it’ll fog the lens, so you leave the water on lukewarm. The main bathroom of the home is huge, it’s actually quite gorgeous. The walls are white and the flooring is white tile as well. The lights in the room create a warm glowing ambience, and there’s large windows right before the view of the shower.. The shower itself has clear glass shower doors, and is big and spacious. There’s a huge tub in here as well, with enough room for two. Golden hour lighting is currently filtering into the room, the sunset beginning to peak outside. 

Hyunjin comes back in the bathroom, concentrated on setting up the equipment. He looks up at you, finally seeing you in the dress. He takes a moment to admire you, his eyes slowly drifting up and down on your body, head to toe. His eyes rest on your breasts. They widen in realization. He knows you aren’t wearing a bra underneath… You tease him.

“I’m not wearing panties, either.” 

He makes eye contact with you. His gaze is full of heat, and you see him blush. He looks away, a little embarrassed that he's already getting worked up so easily, and has to push down the growth currently happening in his pants. “Fuck, You little brat... You had to go and tease me already, huh?." He looks at you again, biting his lip. "This is gonna be…. difficult for me.” He swallows, you can tell he's struggling while he's trying to gain self control.

You smirk at him. 

“Good.” 

He groans. 

You turn around and walk towards the shower, waiting patiently for his instructions. You look at him, tilting you head with feigned innocence and ask,

“Are we ready to get started, Hyunjinnie?”

 He loves that specific nickname. You know this. You wanted him to suffer tonight, afterall.

He lets out a frustrated breath, and mutters, "Ugh, fuck..." he sits on his chair and closes his eyes, bringing his hand up to his face to hide it from view, seemingly at war with himself.

He commands, quietly, "Don’t step in yet. Come here for a second, baby.” 

You smirk and obey for once, and he beckons you to sit on his lap. He envelops your frame, his large hands gliding along the silk dress, relishing the feel of the fabric under his fingers. He reaches for your face, one hand on the back of your neck and the other cupping your cheek as he pulls you in for a hot, lingering kiss. You whimper at the intensity of his desire, you can tell how bad he’s already burning for you. His head dips down to your neck, and he languidly kisses it with an open mouth, his tongue brushing against your skin. He kisses his way close to your ear and whispers, “Thank you for doing this, sweetheart. You’re gonna do so good for me, I can already tell… you're too beautiful, you know that? My gorgeous, perfect baby...”  His voice is low and deep, and the heat between your legs aches. You can tell how aroused he is, you feel him hard and hot through his pants as you sit on his lap. You groan in response, ready to just forget the entire photoshoot, but he gently kisses your neck for one last time before pulling away. 

“You ready, pretty girl?” 

Head hazy, you nod and shakily stand back up. 

“I’m gonna miss that dress” he whispers.

You laugh, knowing how conflicted he must be that this will most likely ruin such an expensive, delicate piece of clothing. He must've been saying his final goodbyes to it while you were on his lap.

You nervously step into the shower, and he starts up some music. He turns on some slow, seductive tunes. You understand the mood he’s trying to go for. He wants sensual. 

“Tell me what to do, Jinnie.” You say quietly.

His voice is gentle. “Alright pretty girl, go ahead and step under the stream with just the dress.. Hold off on dipping your hair and face, let’s keep that dry just for the time being.” 

You obey and follow his direction, and the water hits the silk dress. The fabric immediately clings to your body, the light cream color of the dress turning completely transparent as it gets wet. Goosebumps show up on your skin at the change in temperature, and you feel your nipples harden under the wet silk. You pose for him and look directly at the camera, and you can see him peek up from the camera to look at you, in awe of the beautiful image in front of him. You look like a marble statue of a goddess, the way the fabric clings onto you, the water accentuating every detail of you. 

“Fuck, baby, you’re so gorgeous. All for me. So fucking gorgeous.... I’ll never get enough of you.” 

He shifts around the glass doors, getting the shots he wants as he directs you to tilt your head, raise your arms, close your eyes… 

You get fully immersed in the mood, the creativity affecting you, no longer feeling nervous or shy. You slip the straps of the dress off your shoulders and look up at him through the camera, keeping your face as sultry as possible. The shutter clicks away as he goads you on with encouragement. Feeling satisfied with those shots, you ask him, 

“Should I dip my head now?” 

“Yes, love. God, please do.” 

You slowly place your head under the stream of the showerhead, as the water drips down your face and hair. It finally hits you mentally, how erotic this is, how incredibly sensual and hot this is, and you feel so completely powerful in this moment. Your eyes lock on Hyunjin through the glass door, and he can tell immediately that your energy has changed. Your gaze is burning with fire. You smirk at him, and your hands glide slowly down your body to touch yourself on top of the soaked dress. 

Hyunjin forgets he has a camera for a moment, entranced by your movements. He can’t look away. He stumbles a bit which makes him remember he’s supposed to be taking photos, and reorients himself, knowing he has to capture the moment correctly. He praises you.

“That’s it baby, that’s my perfect girl. Get into it. You know how fucking hot you are, don’t you? Be a pretty little slut for daddy. You do such a good job for me, my little brat.”

Ah. The magic words. 

You moan and close your eyes as one hand touches your breast, while the other hand drifts down to your aching heat. You arch against the glass shower wall, giving him a full view. Your hair is chaotic, strands of it plastered on your face and your shoulders, and you feel suffocated. 

You need to be naked. There’s too much on you. You need to take it off. Right now. 

Knowing he’s had enough shots of the dress, you grab the hem of the dress, and start to peel the fabric off of you, grimacing at just how stuck it is on your body. You finally pull it over your head and drop the dress on the shower floor. Finally free of the fabric, you tilt your head back under the shower, letting the water cascade again over your long hair and fully exposed body. You prop yourself up against the wall and pose beautifully, but there's no sound of the camera clicking.

You look at Hyunjin, and the poor man looks so dazed. He looks like he forgot he was there... his mind looks lost in another world, as if you’re not real right in front of him. His own personal strip performance. He’s so entranced in watching you, eyes wide open, absentmindedly touching himself over his jeans, camera slack in the other hand. 

“Focus, Hyunnie.” 

That snaps him out of it and he growls, picking up the camera begrudgingly, and you can tell he won’t hold out much longer without touching you. You go back to posing for him, completely wet and naked, pressing against the glass, making it fog up. 

“That’s it, baby, my God.” You hear the shutter of the camera work fast. 

You press your nipples against the door and lick the glass, knowing he’s about to go insane getting that shot on camera. You hear the shutter go nuts, as Hyunjin struggles to keep concentrated. 

“We’re done,” he commands. “Out. Now. I need you, baby.”

You need him just as badly. You turn off the water, completely satisfied, knowing you did your job well. 

When you step out of the shower, he has a towel ready for you. He wraps your body in it, and as soon as it’s covering you he captures your mouth in a hard, searing kiss that makes your head spin. He’s ravenous. Goosebumps erupt on your body, making you shiver. 

He pulls away, ready to take you right then and there, but notices you’re shivering…

“Let me go get another towel for your hair, little baby, you’re soaking wet.” Without second thought, he leaves the bathroom to grab a fresh towel from the laundry room. Hot and heavy Hyunjin always turns you on, but considerate and loving Hyunnie makes the insatiable fire even worse. You shut off the music, and spot his camera sitting on the chair where he just was.

An idea…. hits you. 

With the towel still wrapped around your body, you grab the camera, and walk into the bedroom.

You place the camera down on the nightstand. You begin drying your body off when Hyunjin walks into the room, towel in his hand. 

“Let me.” 

The look on his face is full of love, and he walks over and begins to dry you off, putting slow kisses on your neck and shoulders as he does it, taking his time.

“You did so good for me in there, baby. Those shots were amazing. That was absolutely perfect. Let Daddy take care of you now, pretty girl.” 

He picks you up gently, his strong arms holding you effortlessly, and lays you down on your back, head cradled by the pillow. He crawls on the bed, hovering over your body. His gaze on you is soft and needy.

The feeling of anticipation runs through you as he opens the towel, exposing your naked body to him. The cold air hits your semi-damp skin, and he sees you shiver. He sits up quickly to take off his shirt, then lowers himself back down to you, engulfing you in his warm skin. He lays there for a moment, letting you steal his heat. He peppers your collarbone with gentle kisses, and begins to slowly make his way down. Stopping at your breasts, he gives both nipples a kiss, and continues to drag his mouth down the front of you. He’s immersed in you, completely, eyes closed in bliss, kissing down your stomach. He drifts his large hands down your naked thighs while he kisses down your navel, until his hands reach your knees.

He pushes your legs up, fully exposing your aching heat to his lustful eyes. You’re completely soaking wet for him.. 

"Aww, brat... Look at you." He bites his lip as he admires your cunt, speaking in his teasing, deep voice. "This little pussy wants me so badly... You need Daddy, don't you? Look how pretty this pussy is, dripping wet and ready for me... you're a mess, little baby. We can't have that now, can we?"

He lowers his face to your cunt, making you squirm with his hot breath.

While he’s not looking at you, you realize…. Now’s your chance. 

You try your best to not shift much, as you grasp for the camera right beside you on the night stand. You quietly turn it on, and begin to set up the settings. His mouth is kissing on the innermost part of your thighs, then glides to the outside of your lips, completely unaware of what you’re plotting. You hold the camera up to your face, and once you see the view in front of you through the lens it sets your body completely on fire. He looks so good, eating you.

You feel his mouth capture your clit. The moan you let out is straight up gutteral, and you click the shutter button of the camera. 

Hyunjin snaps his gaze to you, without moving his head from your pussy.. His eyes widen when he realizes you have the camera out.  

“Keep going, Hyunnie. It’s my turn. Make me yours.” You breathe at him. 

“Fuck, pretty girl. Are you sure?” He hesitates, though you can tell how badly he wants to continue.

“I need to watch you fuck me with that mouth, Daddy.”

His eyes roll back as he groans into your cunt, his tongue swiping the entire length of you from your entrance to your clit.

He looks up at you while his mouth is lingering against your pussy and gently spreads your legs as far as they can go, giving him maximum exposure for his mouth. "My naughty little brat..." he whispers, dipping his head back down to worship you.

He begins to devour you with a loving passion, his tongue swirling as he sucks the sensitive bud of your clit, his lips gliding against you, making you dizzy. He knows exactly how you like it, and there's nothing else in this world that he loves more than making you feel good. He's so experienced to your pleasure... He would spend days doing this if he could. You begin taking photos of him this way, trying not to let your head fall back and give in to the overwhelming sensations of greedy need and lust. You moan his name, and his gaze sets back on you. He looks into the camera with blazing hot eye contact, as he languidly makes love to you with his mouth. It’s deliberately slow. He wants you to capture him devouring you. You shakily take the photos of him lapping at your cunt, barely able to concentrate on the framework, and you see his eyes smirk at you. He's watching you fumble with the camera, he knows you're struggling to focus on your task. He chuckles against you, and suddenly, you feel his tongue plunge inside your desperate little cunt. Your body flushes all over, and you arch your back, begging for him to take more of you. 

“More, daddy, please. I need you. I need more. Please.”

He sits up a little and takes one hand off of your leg, and drags it down your heat to wet his fingers. 

“Whatever you want, brat.” 

He plunges two fingers into you, making you cry out in relief, while his tongue is still sucking on your clit. You forget the camera, finally letting yourself cave into the desire, and throw your head as your hand searches to grip his hair. You grind yourself into his face. He figures out the tempo of your hips and begins moving his fingers to the speed of your needy little thrusts. His mouth never wavers, as he moans greedily onto your clit, enjoying the fact that he’s driving you crazy. 

He can feel you tighten as you get closer to your release, and he breaks away from your clit for just a moment to whisper against your pussy. “Come for Daddy, baby.” He dives back in, licking circles on your clit, keeping the same rhythm as his fingers as they curl inside of you, diving in and out of you, hitting you deep. You feel your orgasm come on fast. 

“Fuck, Hyun, I can’t hold on!” 

Your breath heaves as you close your eyes, and white hot heat sends ripples through your body, pleasure shaking you at the core. You cry out, locking your legs around his head, riding the high, his name tumbling from your lips over and over. 

He smirks up at you, "You always taste so sweet, baby. Good girl. You love when I make you come like that, don't you?"

He kisses your thighs before he raises up, and you open your eyes to take sight of him. His cheeks are red, his mouth is drenched, his hair is disheveled, his chest is flushed with red. 

His eyes are hungry. 

He makes quick work of the rest of his clothing, shrugging off his jeans and underwear, and crawls back on the bed to you. This time, he grabs your thighs, and pulls your entire body to the edge of the bed, with full force. He looks up at you, and leans down to kiss you. The taste of you is heavy on his lips, and he opens your mouth, hungry for your tongue on his. You groan into each other's mouths. Kissing is always so easy, so effortless. So entirely consuming. He pulls away from your mouth, but keeps his face close to yours as he positions himself at your entrance. His head drops to your neck, as he teases his tip against you, bucking his hips and shivering just at feeling how wet you are. He must’ve been suffering, badly. Poor Hyunnie. He's so desperate for you. Right before he buries himself into you, you put a hand on his chest and stop him. 

He looks at you, eyes questioning what’s wrong. 

You smile at him mischeviously, holding his face and kissing his cheeks, then bring your mouth against his ear and whisper,

“Grab the camera, Daddy.” 

He pulls his face up abruptly and looks at you with a burning look you’ve never seen. Without a word, he lifts up and grabs the camera where it was laying, and turns it on. 

He looks at the view of you underneath him through the camera lens, your body waiting for him as your legs are spread open, as his cock rests against your entrance. He growls at the view, your hair a damp mess, make up strewn on your face, cheeks flush with red, eyes full of fire for him. Nipples taught, body writhing. You decide to hold up your legs for him, grabbing your thighs underneath the knees, opening your cunt farther open for the camera, and for his viewing pleasure. 

“Holy fuck, baby, I’m gonna lose my MIND.” The camera clicks. He grabs the base of his cock and lines it up with your center. He’s taking photos as he slowly moves, capturing every moment. You both moan at how fucking naughty and erotic this is. He pushes himself inside of you, his eyes rolling back, as he releases a loud, deep groan. He looks back at the view of being inside of you. He says your name, completely incoherent, as he tries to take a picture of him buried in you, the sheer eroticism of it making his hips buck without his control. Praises fall off his lips. 

“Your daddy’s perfect little slut, aren’t you? Look at the camera, baby. Such a mess underneath me. You’re mine, brat. I own this pussy, do you understand? I own you, pretty girl. Forever.” 

“I’m all yours, Hyunjinnie, you own me.” You moan breathlessly at him, needy and whining at how deep he is inside of you, and he takes a photo as your mouth opens as he starts to thrust at a faster speed. 

He puts the camera down, and grabs your hips as he fully immerses himself in eye contact with you again. He’s biting his lip as he watches you bounce underneath him, your tits moving with every thrust, as he's letting go of the primal vocals he’s been holding back all evening. He’s succumbing to the desire completely as he loses full control, while you feel your cunt tighten again, your orgasm coming dangerously fast. His gaze darkens as he feels you tighten around him, and you know he’s close as well. He lowers his entire body onto yours, sloppily kissing your neck as his thrusts are relentless, making you a whining mess of nerves. 

His breathing quickens, “Ah fuck, I’m cumming baby, cum for daddy, I need you, pretty girl.” He breathes out, his release hitting him fast, and you feel your muscles tighten and explode as you cry out and come with him.

He collapses, trying to hold some of his weight off of you, and kisses your lips sweetly, his hair and body completely drenched in sweat, placing his forehead against yours. Exhaustion hitting him, he shifts his body and nestles himself beside you, grabbing you up, placing gentle kisses on your shoulder while whispering against your skin... He breaks the comfortable silence, his mind a messy drabble of words.

"That was... I can't... baby, do you know how I love you? The ways that I love you... " his voice is hoarse, emotion evident that the experience you just had was a lot for him to register. "I've never felt more alive than when I'm doing... exciting new things with you. I want to keep doing all the spontaneous moments, all the time." His lips are a bit garbled as he's speaking against your skin, too tired to move his position. "Being with you is my favorite thing, being in our own little world here... Life doesn't get better than this." he trails off, as he dances his fingers up your neck and into your hair, sweetly moving some strands to tuck behind your ear.

You look at him and smile softly, the intimacy of love in his eyes making your heart do flips. "You're my sweet Hyunjinnie... " you say. "I've never loved anyone like you, everything that you are is a gift to me. I love you so much it hurts, Hyun. I want to do new things with you, always. You are my entire heart."

You lay there, spent and exhausted. Realizing what you’ve just done together, you giggle to yourself, and grab the camera. You turn it on to look at the photos that were taken this evening. You angle your body to where Hyunjin can see the screen as well, and you start going through the photo gallery. 

“Oh my god, baby. These are so incredible. I can’t believe we just did that..” 

He snuggles against your neck. 

“We look fucking good together. And we look good, fucking.” and you hum in response, agreeing with him. You feel him harden again as he spoons you, each photo turning him on all over again.

He perks up inquisitively, laughing, realizing this entire project was so he could paint a portrait. 

“How am I supposed to paint all of these? I can’t choose a favorite. That’s impossible. I guess I’m gonna have to buy some more canvases….” 

[violet-1atte]

Candy Cane Mocha

this is very late...oops

Summary: After being in America for six years, Jisung returns to South Korea for the holidays and reunites with his best friend and ex lover, Minho

Tags: Minsung, Christmas, holiday, exes to lovers, getting back together, fluff, Minho is whipped, Jisung is whipped, smut, bottom!Jisung, top!Minho

AO3 Link

Six years. Six years since Han Jisung had left South Korea to go study abroad in the United States. Six years since he had seen any family other than his parents. Six years since he had been home. 

It was a good six years. In that time, he had improved dramatically in his English speaking skills, made new friends, lost friends, had relationships (although largely unsatisfying), and more hookups than he could count. He had finished college and was working on getting his name known as a producer alongside his friends Chan and Changbin who were transfer students just like him. It wasn’t that he had intentionally stayed away so long. Life had just taken over and he never had the time to plan a trip back. 

This year, he decided it was time. He had some vacation time saved up from work and honestly, he missed it. The States had their own charms, but he would still get an ache in his chest, yearning for his small hometown in South Korea even six years later. That was why he planned a four week vacation to visit his family for Christmas and see them for as much time as possible. 

As he waited for his parents to pick him up at the airport, a nervous excitement bubbled in his stomach. His parents had come to visit him while he had been gone, but it had been so long since he had been home, he didn’t know what to expect. What had changed? What had stayed the same? Did his parents keep his old bedroom in the same state he left it or did they clear it out? Did the same people live in his neighborhood or had they all left like Jisung six years before? If the same people were there, would they remember Jisung? And if they remembered him, what would they think of him? Was his ex still living here or had he left too? Jisung didn’t know whether he wanted him to be there or not. Would it be a crime to say he missed him even though it had been so long? 

There were so many questions Jisung had, and they all left his mind the moment he saw his parents. They hugged him and he hugged them back harder. His mom nearly cried, cupped his cheeks, and whined about how he was, “Too skinny.” His chest filled with warmth and for a moment he forgot all of his worries about returning. 

When he got home, his mother started preparing dinner. “I also got cheesecake for you,” she said, and Jisung’s mouth watered. “I thought you might like a little treat after that ridiculously long flight.” 

Jisung pressed his lips together, a knot forming in his throat. “Thank you, eomma,” he said softly. “Is there anything I can do to help with dinner?” 

“Oh no need,” his mother stated with a wave of her hand. “You appa will be helping me anyway. You should go and rest before dinner. I know you must be exhausted.” 

At the suggestion of rest, the fatigue hit Jisung’s body and his limbs felt too heavy for him to carry. He was exhausted. The jetlag was going to hit him hard and being on the plane for so many hours had taken it out of him. “Okay. I think I will go up to my room and rest for a bit,” he said with a smile. 

“Good! I’ll call you when dinner’s done.” 

Jisung grabbed his suitcases he had set down and made his way up the stairs to his old bedroom. His chest tightened as he took in the layout of the house, the same as it had always been. Family pictures lined the walls and he cringed at the school photo from his sophomore year where he was wearing thick rimmed glasses and had bright blue braces on his teeth. 

When he opened his bedroom door, he was suddenly eighteen again–unsure of himself, apprehensive of the future, mourning the end of his high school relationship–everything was exactly as he had left it, albeit a bit cleaner. The shelf full of manga he had left thinking it would be too immature to bring with him still remained, as did the shelf of figurines below that. His old posters were still on his wall, only the corners were curled in. His bed was made but he had no idea if it was with the same set he had made it with when he left. Knowing his mom and her affinity for cleanliness, probably not. But it didn’t even matter. It was all so similar that the wave of memories it brought back was almost too much for Jisung to handle. 

Going to sleep was the easiest solution to dampening the onslaught of emotionally-charged memories that being home produced. It didn’t take long for him to doze off either, and he only awoke when his father called to him from the bottom of the steps. He did a double take when he woke up, absorbing his surroundings in confusion before he relaxed. It was like stepping back into the past. 

As they sat down to dinner and Jisung filled his plate, his earlier questions came rushing back. “Has the town changed much since I’ve been gone? I remember you said they added a new shelter here,” Jisung started. There had always been stray cats and dogs wandering around his neighborhood when he was a kid, so the addition of a shelter was extremely welcome. 

“Not too much, honestly,” his father said with a shrug. “You know how it is around here. Nothing much to write home about.” He laughed softly, and Jisung was reminded how much he had missed the sound. Even though his parents came to visit, it had still been over a year. “We’ve had a couple families move out here and there, a couple move in. But it’s mostly the same.” 

Jisung nodded softly and then his mother got a lightbulb look on her face. “Oh! But this new coffee shop opened recently. About a year ago, I think. It’s such a cute little place, really gives the village an extra homey feel to it. It’s actually run by–” 

His father cleared his throat and gave his wife a pointed look. “It is really lovely,” he agreed. “You should check it out. We won’t be here tomorrow since I’ll be working at the office and your eomma will be at the shelter, so it’d give you something to do,” he suggested. 

Jisung wanted to ask about what his mom was going to say before she was cut off, but he decided it probably wasn’t important. He simply smiled and nodded at the suggestion. “That does sound nice. I’ve always loved places like that. Maybe I can work on some lyrics while I’m there.” He didn’t write music as much as he produced but there were still some artists he needed to work on lyrics for. Cafes and coffee shops were the best place to do work like that. 

“Good!” his mother said with a sweet smile. “I’m sure you’ll love it.” And contrary to what his younger self believed, she was often right, so Jisung believed her. 

“I’m sure I will,” he responded. 

His parents shared a look that he couldn’t interpret but then the topic shifted and he forgot about the entire exchange, other than the fact that he needed to visit the cafe. 

As much as Jisung loved winter, the wind nipping at his already numb cheeks was not his favorite thing. He pulled his scarf up just a bit higher so that it covered the bottoms of his cheeks and he rubbed his gloved hands over his skin. He reasoned that at least he would have a warm drink and a cozy coffee shop to sit in soon and all the wind and icy temperatures would be worth it. Thankfully, the shop was not too far away from his home and he was able to admire all the Christmas lights and decorations that lined the streets. Even if he was cold on the outside, he felt warm on the inside. 

The coffee shop was not easy to miss. He noticed it as soon as he came upon the building. The outside was decorated with garland and icicle lights and there was a large sign on the front that read, Lino’s Coffee and Tea in cursive lettering. The same title was printed across the two big windows in the front. The door was painted red and had a large wreath hanging on it, which Jisung admired for a moment before he opened the door. 

A quiet chime went off as Jisung pushed the door open and a delicious concoction of scents hit his nose as soon as he stepped inside. Rich coffee mixed with cinnamon and the smell of sweet pastries, and it made Jisung’s mouth water. There was no one standing at the counter, but there were a few patrons sitting at various tables, sipping on lattes and snacking on expertly prepared pastries. The display at the counter caught Jisung’s eye immediately, and while he had originally been planning on just getting a coffee, the sight of a cheesecake with a spiral of red strawberries around the edge and drizzles of chocolate over the top caught his eye. 

From inside the kitchen, someone called, “I’ll be with you in a minute!” and for a second, the voice sounded extremely familiar, but Jisung couldn’t place it. 

That was, until the owner of the voice stepped out. In an instant Jisung’s eyebrows shot up and his mouth fell agape. Deep-set brown eyes, rose-petal mouth, sharp jawline, the most perfect nose he had ever seen–he would recognize that face anywhere. 

The same look of recognition passed over the other man’s face and after a few seconds, his shocked expression softened and he smiled softly. “Jisung-ah,” he said, and Jisung’s stomach flipped when his name rolled off his tongue. His voice held the same, gentle warmth that it always had when he spoke to him. But that had been so long ago.

“Minho-hyung,” he breathed. 

He had not seen Minho in six years and it had been four or five since he had last spoken to him. He couldn’t exactly remember.  But at one point, they had been best friends. And before that, Minho had been his boyfriend. 

They started dating when Minho was in his senior year of high-school and Jisung was in his junior year. They had been friends since 7th grade and Minho was his first kiss. His first everything. Minho never intended to go to college so he was still around even as Jisung was in his senior year. But when Jisung graduated, that's when everything changed. They started having more disagreements, more tension, and less romance. Part of that was fueled by the fact that Jisung had applied to a college in the United States and was fully planning on attending. Minho acted like it would be okay and he would be fine, that they would be fine, but it was clear he was having a difficult time handling it. In the end, they both agreed to break up and go back to being friends. 

As time went on though, they progressively started talking less and less. The major time difference coupled with Jisung’s busy life and their past put a rift between them and at one point, one of them sent the last message. Jisung couldn't remember who, but he had a feeling it was him. 

"It's been a while," Minho said, bringing Jisung back to the present. "How long has it been?" 

"Gosh." Jisung rubbed the back of his neck. "Six years? Yeah. Six years. It's been a long while." 

"It has," Minho agreed with a nod. He was rocking back and forth–Jisung could imagine him bouncing on the balls of his feet. It was something he often did when he was excited or nervous. Jisung didn't know what to do with either of those things. “What are you doing back here?” 

“I’m here to visit my parents and just visit…home,” he answered, hesitating at the word “home.” “I’ve been saving up vacation time and money. So I was finally able to travel.” 

Minho hummed softly. “That’s good. Really good.” And really, Jisung couldn’t agree more.

"How have you been? Is this your place?" Jisung asked, gesturing around to the coffee shop. "Fuck wait–Lino? Is that you? Lee Minho? " 

A smile bloomed across Minho’s face and Jisung’s heart stuttered in his chest. Oh shit. It was just as beautiful as he had always remembered it. Even more so. He still had the same lopsided grin, the same slightly crooked front teeth. 

Jisung’s stomach felt like a whole zoo. 

"Yeah, this is my place. I opened it up about two years ago. I was working to open it for a while before though. The idea came to me when you–" Minho cleared his throat and glanced down. When you left, Jisung gathered. "I didn't really know what to do with myself. You know I was kind of directionless for a while…well I knew I didn't want to leave, and I loved baking and coffee, so it just made sense." 

Picturing Minho putting so much work into this little coffee shop–spending hours developing recipes, saving money to open–made Jisung's chest fill with warmth. He had always been such a hard worker and Jisung had always admired him for it. That hadn't changed. "Well it's beautiful. And everything–everything smells amazing and looks–wow. I can't believe you did this all on your own. It's spectacular. Wow." Jisung couldn't help his exclamations of awe. It really was amazing. The inside of the coffee shop was honestly beautiful, decorated for Christmas just like the outside. He hadn't even noticed the Christmas tree in a corner of the shop until he started looking around as he attempted a coherent compliment. 

Minho laughed, soft and bright, and it was the most beautiful sound Jisung had ever heard. Wow, he had missed him. It was insane how fast he felt comfortable around him again. “Thank you, I’m glad you like it,” he said genuinely. “Ah, I’m taking up your time. You probably have things to do. What can I get you, Jisung-ah?” 

“No, no, it’s okay! I was just gonna chill here for a bit, work on some song lyrics, you’re good,” Jisung said, waving his hand. “I think I’ll take a large candy cane mocha, and…a slice of that cheesecake there,” he said, pointing at the cheesecake on the display. A knowing grin spread across Minho’s face and he nodded as he typed Jisung’s order into a little keypad on the counter. 

“You never change,” he mumbled, the smile still on his face. 

Jisung’s cheeks warmed and he bit his lip. In the past, Jisung got cheesecake on every outing he possibly could, and it was his dessert of choice on dates. He didn’t respond as he paid, but he couldn’t get the thought out of his mind that Minho remembered. 

A few other people entered the shop as Jisung waited for Minho to finish his drink and get his dessert but Jisung’s eyes were focused on Minho. Over the years, Minho’s appearance had matured so much and he had grown into his features in a way that made him even more beautiful, which Jisung hadn’t thought possible when they were together in high school. 

When Minho handed Jisung his drink and his plate of cheesecake, their fingertips brushed. Minho didn’t seem to notice, but the contact sent sparks up Jisung’s arm. He needed to remind himself that this was his ex. His ex he had not spoken to in years. There was no reason for him to be reacting to him this way. None. 

Except, as he thanked Minho and began to move to find a table to sit at, Minho called out to him. “Jisung-ah,” he began, then clenched his fists on the edge of the counter, “it’s good to see you again. I…I missed you.” And oh this was not good for Jisung’s poor, lonely heart. 

He hadn’t realized how much of an ache there had been in his heart until it lifted, eased by Minho’s presence, his words. He swallowed a lump in his throat and inhaled. “I missed you too, hyung.” 

-

Minho and Jisung’s breakup had been Minho’s idea. It was mutual, and Jisung agreed to it almost immediately. That fact only made it harder for Minho, though. When he brought it up, part of him hoped that Jisung would fight for him, that he would say they could work things out, that distance wouldn’t destroy the love they had. Instead, he smiled a little sadly and nodded. “I think…I think that might be for the best.” 

No one knew that Minho spent every night for the next month crying after that. 

Years before, when his last message was left on read by the younger, Minho resigned himself to never seeing Jisung ever again. He reasoned that it was for the best, that it would help him move on and finally get settled with his life. And it had helped, even if not at first. It allowed him to focus more on planning for his cafe and that’s what he did; he threw himself into work like he never had before. In the end, it was worth it. He had a beautiful coffee shop that made a good profit and made the townsfolk happy. He was happy and he was settled. Sometimes he still thought of Jisung, wondered how he was doing and what he would say if he knew how successful Minho’s dream had become. But for the most part, Jisung was out of his mind. 

And then he walked into Minho’s shop and right back into his life. Nothing could have prepared him for the tidal wave of emotions that hit him the moment he laid eyes on Jisung. He looked the same as he always had, but he had grown up. His jaw was sharper but his cheeks were just as full. He had a few new piercings on his ears and his hair was lavender instead of the deep brown he had left with. Minho felt the same way he had felt when Jisung first held his hand, only this time the feeling choked him. 

Despite the cocktail of emotions swirling through Minho’s head, talking to Jisung was easy. As easy as it had always been. They just clicked like that. It felt like they had never stopped talking, like Jisung had never left. But at the end of the day, he had. It had been years, they were both adults, they had both been through things neither of them knew about in the time since they’d last spoken. In a way, they were practically strangers. 

And yet, Jisung looked so happy to see him. 

The interaction was something Minho couldn’t keep out of his head. It took everything in his power not to look at Jisung the entire time he was sitting at his table. He had to remind himself that things had changed, time had passed, Jisung probably had a girlfriend or a boyfriend back in America. 

Perhaps they could be friends. 

Minho had deleted his chat with Jisung a while ago but he still had his contact. He could never bring himself to delete it or block him. He had no reason to. Things had just faded out and they didn’t even end on a necessarily bad note, no matter how heartbroken Minho had been. Circumstance just brought them to that point. But now that he had seen Jisung again and he was in the area, likely staying with his parents, then there was a chance Minho could text him again and they could hang out. 

Unfortunately, Minho was scared. He was worried Jisung didn’t actually want anything to do with him and he would turn him down and he would be stuck in a pit of his own embarrassment. He needed to test the waters first. Jisung would likely be there until Christmas at least so he had time. 

What he had not been expecting was for Jisung to come into the shop almost every day from that point. The second day he came in and told him how his parents were the ones who told him to come to the coffee shop and how much they loved it. Minho realized he would have to give them a personal thank you for bringing Jisung back to him. That day he ordered a candy cane mocha again, saying that while he usually just went for an Americano, it was Christmas time so he wanted to be more festive. He had also had a larger sweet tooth lately. 

He didn’t come in the next day, but he showed up the day after that, getting a simple Americano that time. One day he came in and didn’t even order anything, just said he liked the environment and it was relaxing to write music there. Minho caught him looking at him at least five times while he was working behind the counter; there was no excuse for the way it made butterflies erupt in his stomach. 

Around a week from the first day he came in, Jisung showed up again when it was an hour before closing and he ordered a chocolate filled croissant and a hot chocolate with whipped cream. Minho gave him a little extra just because he could. And instead of leaving to sit at a table and write lyrics like he had the days before, Jisung stayed at the counter so he could talk to Minho in between customers. It was a slow day, so Minho was grateful for the company, especially since it was Jisung’s company. But he wouldn’t admit that out loud just yet. He didn’t talk about anything important, mostly just different anime he had watched recently and what some of the genres he had been working on were, but Minho held on to every word. 

The time rolled around for Minho to close up, and it made his chest ache as he thought of telling Jisung he was closing for the evening, but Jisung beat him to the topic instead. “I could help you clean up, if you want,” he suggested. 

Minho’s heart soared before it landed back on earth and he shook his head. “No, it’s okay. I’m sure you have things to do. I can handle it on my own,” he reassured him. 

Jisung’s bottom lip pushed out in a pout. It made Minho’s knees weak. Fuck, he was even worse off than he had been in the past. “I want to help though. You work here all by yourself and it’s gotta be hard, even if that’s what you usually do.” 

“I have help sometimes,” Minho said with a shrug. Jisung was still pouting and if Minho were a stronger man, he would tell him to go anyway and insist he could do it on his own like he always had. But Minho was incredibly weak. “Alright, fine. But don’t expect to get paid, this is volunteer work.” 

Jisung’s pout turned into a wide smile and he hopped off of his seat. “I know, don’t worry. I just wanted to help.” 

He shuffled behind the counter and suddenly Minho was keenly aware of the fact that since Jisung walked in two days ago, he hadn’t interacted with him without the barrier of the counter between him. Now it felt real–Jisung was actually here and not a figment of Minho’s imagination. He swallowed thickly. 

“Alright, if you want, you can just wipe down the counters and tables. I know where everything goes so I’ll take down the display.” He gestured for Jisung to follow him into the back and handed him a cloth and cleaning agent for the surfaces around the shop. 

“Sounds good to me, Minho-hyung,” Jisung said with a soft smile. He took the supplies from Minho and went back out to the front to begin wiping down the various tables and countertops. Minho watched him for a minute as he went, something tugging at his chest. He gave himself two firm pats over his heart and mumbled, “Shut up,” under his breath. 

They cleaned in relative silence. Occasionally, Jisung would break the silence by humming a melody Minho didn’t recognize under his breath. It was comfortable. This was how they always worked, Minho remembered it clearly. Silence didn’t bother either of them. They didn’t need to talk to fill some imaginary gap–each other’s presence was enough. 

With help, cleaning did go by faster. Jisung was efficient and even helped him sweep and mop so Minho could focus on fixing everything else that needed to be dealt with. 

The December sky was dark when they stepped out onto the street but the sidewalks were lit by lamps and colorful Christmas lights. Under the subtle glow, Minho could see the gentle flush on Jisung’s round cheeks. “Let me walk you home,” Minho suggested before he could think better of it. 

Jisung tilted his head at him, a soft smile playing on his lips. “Do you even remember where I live?” 

“I could never forget,” Minho admitted. He had walked past it a few times over the years and would sometimes pause in front for a moment, hoping that somehow Jisung would come through the front door. 

Jisung hummed, contemplating, and then nodded. “Okay, yeah. I could use some company on the way, if it’s not too much trouble.” He wrapped his scarf around himself, obscuring the bottom half of his face. 

“No trouble,” Minho reassured. “I’ve got nothing to do anyway." What he didn't say was that he just wanted to spend more time with Jisung. He didn’t want to go home and reminisce about the past while wishing he had just spent more time with Jisung. He didn’t even know how much time Jisung would be spending in Korea. He needed to get every second he could, even if it was the last he would ever see of him. 

The streets were fairly busy with cars and the sidewalks with people leaving work, but if anyone asked Minho later, he could only remember the two of them. They walked back together, closer than needed. They didn’t hold hands, but they came pretty damn close with the way their arms would brush together every few steps. Jisung either didn’t seem to notice or he didn’t mind. 

After they had walked a few blocks, thick flakes of snow fluttered down onto the sidewalk beneath their feet. Jisung’s eyes widened at the sight and he let out a soft gasp as more snowflakes joined in. “Oh my gosh snow! Wow, it's so pretty. Where I live in America doesn’t have much snow. This is exciting,” he said, skipping a little as he walked. 

“A little Christmas gift from the universe then,” Minho commented with a chuckle. Jisung’s eyes sparkled as he looked up at the sky and the Christmas lights reflected off them and cast a warm glow on his face. Minho was reminded that Jisung’s favorite season was winter. This walk may have been enough to make it Minho’s favorite, too. 

Jisung caught at least ten snowflakes on his tongue before they arrived at his house. Minho, unfortunately, only caught them in his eyes. But it was worth it to witness the joy on Jisung’s face. 

They paused at the door before Jisung went inside; it painfully reminded Minho of the first kiss he shared with Jisung after a walk similar to this–only that was on a warm summer evening and they were both hot and tired and so inexperienced–Minho thought that if they were to share a kiss now, it would be much better. He thought he saw Jisung’s eyes flick to his lips, but then the look was gone, Jisung meeting his eyes. “Thank you for walking me home,” Jisung said with a soft smile. 

“Of course.” Minho clenched his fists in his pockets. “Jisung-ah–I’ve been enjoying spending time with you at the coffee shop—” He watched Jisung’s face fall for a split second before he continued, “but I want to spend more time with you, if that’s okay? I know we stopped talking and it’s okay if you don’t want to but—” 

“I want to,” Jisung interrupted. “We can talk about all of that another time, I know I…I need to say some things. But I do want to.” 

Minho let out a breath he didn’t know he had been holding. “Okay. Okay then. I’ll text you. I still have your contact.” Was that embarrassing to admit? Minho realized he didn’t care. 

“Oh…that’s–that’s good. Yeah. Text me. I’ll make sure I find a time.” 

“Perfect.” Minho knew his excitement was poorly concealed but this was Han Jisung. Han Jisung who used to be his Han Jisung. “I’ll let you go in now, it’s fucking freezing. And I think my fingers are turning into popsicles.” 

Jisung laughed and shook his head. “Well you better warm them up then. I’ll see you later, Minho.” He waved and then in a blink of an eye, he was on the other side of the door. 

Minho sighed and a shiver wracked his body. Fuck it was cold. 

-

Minho messaged Jisung the next morning. Jisung was sitting in his living room, sipping a mug of hot chocolate, when his phone made a loud ping! He nearly dropped it when he attempted to pick it up to check who had messaged him and his stomach flipped when he saw the contact name. He hadn’t changed it since they had last messaged. 

Minho-hyungie

10:27am When are you free? 

Jisung 

10:28am I’m free almost any time this week :) My fam still has to work until Christmas So lonely (˃̣̣̥⌓˂̣̣̥⋆)

Minho-hyungie

10:32am Later today then? I’ll ask my friend Felix to watch over the shop until close 

Jisung 

10:33am Reallyy? What are we gonna do? 

Minho-hyungie

10:36am Mm it’s a surprise 

Jisung 

10:36am Sounds suspicious You aren’t gonna murder me are you? 

Minho-hyungie

10:37am I already have the dumpster where i’ll dump your body in mind 

Jisung 

10:39am (°△°|||) Scary 

Minho-hyungie

10:40amI’ll pick you up at 2? 

Jisung 

10:41am I’ll be ready! 

Minho-hyungie

10:42am Make sure to wear warm clothes 

When Minho came to pick Jisung up, he pestered him the entire time, begging him to tell where they were going. But Minho wouldn’t budge, even when Jisung used his biggest, saddest eyes possible. That had gotten him so many things in life so it was entirely too frustrating that it didn’t work on Minho in the moment. But Minho apparently had developed a resolve of steel over the years so he could not be persuaded. 

It was only when they actually arrived that Jisung realized the surprise was worth it. Minho was taking him ice-skating. Something he hadn’t done in years. 

“Oh my gosh!” he exclaimed, eyes blowing wide as he turned to Minho. “You’re amazing.” 

“I know I am,” Minho said with a playful grin. 

Surveying the skating rink, Jisung was hit with memories from the last time he went ice skating. He and Minho were still together at the time. It was an icy winter day, colder than this one. Minho had surprised him then too. The only real difference was that it was closer to Christmas then and of course they were holding hands and sharing soft, giggly kisses every time one of them slipped. It was a memory Jisung had totally forgotten until now. He wondered if Minho remembered that too, if this location and the surprise had been intentional. He tried not to think about it. Things were different now. They were different now. 

Yet, when he looked at Minho and he smiled at him with the same soft fondness in his eyes as he did years ago, Jisung wondered if they really were so different. 

“Still remember how to skate?” Minho asked as they walked to get their skates. Jisung rolled his eyes and scoffed. 

“Pft, of course. It’s like riding a bike, right?” 

It was not like riding a bike. 

The moment Jisung was on the ice he was slipping and sliding everywhere except where he actually wanted to go. His arms flailed around and his legs slid across the ice in opposite directions, forcing him into a near split before he landed gracelessly on his butt. His lips jutted out in an exaggerated pout as Minho doubled over laughing, clutching his sides like Jisung’s pain was the funniest thing he had ever laid eyes on. “You are not amazing. I just changed my mind. Stop laughing! ” he whined. 

Minho let out a little “ah” as he finally caught his breath and wiped his eyes. “I’m sorry, Hannie. You were just so confident.” Hannie. He hadn’t called him that in a while. 

Minho eased towards him on his own skates and held his hand out for Jisung to take. Jisung’s eyebrows furrowed and he pursed his lips but he took his hand anyway. Unfortunately, even with Minho holding his hand, he was still unsteady on his feet and they nearly slipped out from under him as he stood so he went colliding into Minho’s chest. 

Warm arms went around his waist, holding him steady. Jisung inhaled a shaky breath, his nose filling with the scent of Minho’s cologne. It was something vanilla and sweet and it made Jisung a little dizzy. “Careful,” Minho chastised, his voice so gentle and warm that it melted over Jisung like caramel. “Hold onto me and I’ll help you.” 

It wasn’t good for Jisung to be this close to Minho. His ex and ex best friend. It wasn’t good for his sanity or his heart but Jisung was selfish. It was okay anyway, right? He was just helping him skate. So he nodded, not trusting the sound of his own voice now that he’d had real physical contact with Minho and had smelled his sugary cologne. 

“Okay, wrap your arm around me.” 

Jisung did as he was told and moved away from Minho just enough that he could wrap one arm around his waist. Minho did the same, his gloved hand coming to grip the curve of Jisung’s waist. They had too many layers between them for Jisung to really feel it but his breath still hitched at the pressure. Minho didn’t seem to notice, and if he did notice, he didn’t say anything. He got right into guiding Jisung along the ice, holding him firmly so that he wouldn’t slip. It started to come back to him as they glided along the smooth surface, but Jisung didn’t want to let go, even after he became confident enough to do it on his own. It was cold and Minho was so warm and his fingers felt nice digging into his side. He was probably holding him harder than he needed to but that didn’t phase Jisung one bit. 

“You really did forget all of this in America,” Minho said, shaking his head. “Is it really that warm there?” 

“Well, no…” Jisung responded, cheeks burning from embarrassment. “I just live in California near the ocean and it’s super warm there. We hardly ever get snow there. And America is so big, hyung! There’s places there that are super cold.” 

“Oh yeah, I know. I just mean…I don’t know…kinda forgot what state you lived in,” Minho admitted sheepishly. “I thought it was like New York or something. Nevermind.” 

Jisung frowned softly, discomfort twisting in his stomach. “It’s okay. I mean, we didn’t really talk about where I was going that much…and it’s been a while.” 

Minho hummed and when Jisung glanced up his lips were pursed and his expression looked pinched. The discomfort spread through Jisung’s stomach and settled in his chest like a weight. There was something hollow there, nestling deep inside him. They had stopped moving, no longer moving smoothly across the ice. The air had gotten colder and it was thick with the unspoken truth they both knew. We don’t know each other anymore. 

Minho looked over at Jisung and his face relaxed a little. “Sorry just… I know it’s silly. It’s just where you live. But it’s really been so long. I don’t–” He swallowed and for the first time Jisung noticed his eyes were glassy. “I don’t know anything about what your life has been like for the last–what? Four years?”

The hollow feeling crawled up Jisung’s throat and he held down a distressed sound. “Let’s–let’s sit down, hyung.” 

Minho nodded in agreement and he directed them to the edge of the rink so they could sit down on one of the benches. They were silent for a moment, both of them trying to figure out what to say, what needed to be said. After a moment, Jisung decided to be the first to speak. “What do you want to know?” 

“Huh?” Minho asked, tilting his head to look at Jisung. 

“What do you want to know about me? About my life. Since the last time we talked.” 

“Everything,” Minho answered easily. “I want to know everything, please.” 

So Jisung told him everything. He told him how he never intended to stop messaging him, how it almost just happened and in the end he thought it might be for the best–but he also told him how sorry he was for that. How the guilt still twisted his stomach like a hoard of snakes whenever he thought about it. He also told him about Chan, a music student from Australia, and Changbin, another music student who had grown up in New York city his entire life but had deeply Korean traditions, both who were Jisung’s two best friends in the United States. He told him how they wanted to start a production group together called 3Racha and they had been slowly working towards producing for bigger artists. He told Minho about the relationships he had while he was in America, not missing the way that Minho’s eyes flashed at mention. He told him about the friends he had made and about the time he went out drinking with Chan and Changbin and got so drunk he made an utter fool out of himself by attempting to dance on the bar. He told him how he started seeing a therapist for his anxiety and how he discovered that working out really helped him mentally. He told him everything that he could think of, everything that would make it seem like Minho had been there all those years. 

The sky was dark with only a hint of sunlight peeking over the horizon when Jisung finished. The tips of his ears were numb and his nose was running from the cold and even though his hands were shoved into his coat pockets, they still felt cold. Anyone else who had been there previously was gone and it was getting close to the point where the rink would be closed off for the night. 

“I’m sorry I took up all our time with my talking,” Jisung said through chattering teeth. Minho smiled softly and shook his head. 

“Don’t worry about it. It’s okay. I just liked spending time with you. Getting to hear you talk,” Minho told him. “Your life sounds so interesting.” 

Jisung chuckled. “Not super interesting. Just chaotic.” 

“It’s interesting to me.” Minho’s eyes held his and his gaze was so intense for a moment that Jisung’s heart nearly stuttered to a stop. But then the intensity was gone, leaving behind a mob of butterflies in Jisung’s stomach. “We should get going. Maybe get some hot cocoa since it’s so cold?” 

“Yeah, that sounds good. I’d like that.” Jisung stood up from the bench and stretched. His limbs were stiff from the cold and from sitting so long. The thought of hot cocoa made a shiver run through him from his head to his toes. He couldn’t wait to be warm and cozy instead of freezing. 

They dropped off their skates and went to Minho’s car. On their way back, they picked up some hot cocoa to go and as the warmth settled in Jisung’s stomach he let out a content sigh. Even though they didn’t spend their whole time out ice-skating, Jisung was happy. He felt a weight was off his chest now that he had shared so much about his life with Minho. There was still more they probably needed to talk about. The end of their friendship, their breakup. Jisung still wanted to be Minho’s friend, but he couldn’t deny there was something more there. Something that could be worth pursuing now that they were both older and more mature. The problem was, Jisung was nervous. It had only been a week since they had reunited and as much as Minho now knew about his life, Jisung knew little about what Minho had been doing all this time. 

He had been working on stepping out of his comfort zone though. He had been working on facing his fears. 

“I wanna hear about your life too,” Jisung said softly, picking at the edge of the lid on his hot cocoa cup with his thumb. “I did a lot of talking and you didn’t get to tell me about yourself.” 

“It’s not all that interesting,” Minho replied with a shrug, turning the wheel with a single hand. 

Jisung shook his head adamantly. “Not true. It’s you. And I think it’s up to me to decide whether or not it’s interesting while you’re telling it, right?” He smiled playfully and Minho sighed, rolling his eyes. 

“Alright, I’ll tell you everything you need to know,” Minho said with a chuckle. “But, later. It’s late. When we hang out next. If you want that, of course.” 

Jisung bit his lip, a jolt of excitement shooting through him. Minho wanted to continue spending time with him. That was good. “I do!” He nodded. “And then you’ll tell me everything, right?” 

“I will.” Minho took a quick glance at him and smiled so fondly Jisung was sure his heart would melt through his ribcage. 

“Then I can’t wait.” His lips curled up in a soft smile and he took a sip of his hot chocolate. The drive was quiet from that point on, with only the sound of the road underneath them for background noise. Jisung tried not to let his mind wander too much, but there was still something left on his mind that he needed to say. 

They arrived at Jisung’s house and as he stepped out of the car, he turned to look at Minho. “I’m sorry. For not texting you back. I should have–I wanted to, I just—” He sighed and chewed on his bottom lip. “I don’t really have an excuse. But I didn’t forget about you. I’m sorry I did that to you.” 

Minho smiled a little ruefully but Jisung could tell that behind the hurt that must have been there, there was sincerity. “It’s okay. It’s in the past now, yeah? I think I needed it anyway.” 

Jisung gave him a nod. “Well, it won’t happen again.” He didn’t say that really, over the last few days he had realized that he never wanted Minho out of his life again. He was a different person than the one that had left for the states, a better one. He could do better now. 

Minho’s smile changed into something sweeter and Jisung’s breathing became easier. “I’m glad. And if you do leave me on read again, I’ll just keep bothering you. Sound good?” 

Jisung’s cheeks hurt from how hard he smiled. “Yeah, sounds really good, hyung.” 

They said goodbye and when Jisung went inside, he placed his hand flat over his racing heart. This was so bad for him. He felt like he was slipping on ice again, careening towards the ground. Only there was a chance that someone might be there to catch him this time. 

Jisung did not get to see Minho much for the next few days. He was busy with the coffee shop and Jisung was busy spending time with his parents and old friends. He got together with his friend Hyunjin, who he had been close to in high school, and that brought a lot of ease to him. Hyunjin was as annoying as ever, but that only made Jisung happier to see him. Their time together reminded him of more carefree days, summers off of school, skipping class to do anything but homework. He hadn’t realized how closed off he had been to his old home until now, but now he had gone from being worried about his return to never wanting to leave. 

His parents seemed to be just as happy to have him back. His mom was making all his favorite foods for every meal and giving him portions to the point where he could swear his pants were getting tighter. His father insisted on hearing about every song Jisung produced or worked on, which was a little overwhelming but Jisung would never pass on sharing his pride and joy with someone else. 

With these bright sides though, there was something…slightly more annoying. They seemed intent on making Jisung’s reunion with Minho a Big Deal. 

“So…have you stopped by the coffee shop these last couple days?” Jisung’s mother asked as she stood at the sink washing vegetables for dinner. Jisung could feel his cheeks turn fifty shades of red and he shook his head. 

“No. Besides, why does it matter, huh? Something you want to tell me, eomma?” 

Jisung had figured out by now that his parents set him up to meet Minho. It didn’t take much inference to come to that conclusion. He was grateful but at the same time he couldn’t help but shake his head at their scheming. 

“No, nothing,” she said with a shrug, humming as she set the vegetables in a bowl. “I’m just glad that you two are talking again. You both always got along so well.” 

“I always liked him,” his father piped up as he entered the dining room. “A really good kid, that one. You should invite him over sometime! Christmas dinner?” Jisung resisted the urge to groan. He pressed the heels of his palms into his eyes to rub them. It wasn’t that he didn’t want Minho over for Christmas dinner. It just felt a bit too soon for that. And it might insinuate that he wanted more with Minho–which might not be a lie at this point. 

“I don’t think he’d want to do that. We’re just getting back to knowing each other.” He sighed, slumping down in his seat. 

“Well tell him he’s invited!” his mother said with a sharp nod of her head. “He can say no if he wants, but the offer is there!” 

“Humor you eomma, Jisung-ah,” his dad said. 

Jisung did groan this time, long and heavy; like a petulant child. “I’ll ask. Don’t worry.” 

That seemed to satisfy them for the time being and they quickly changed the subject to something else. Jisung didn’t know what–he was once again too lost in his thoughts. Thoughts about Minho, who was taking up too much of his mind. He shouldn’t be like this, not with his ex. But he couldn’t help it. His parents were right. They did work well. Chopsticks, their friends used to call them. 

Perhaps now, things could be different. Perhaps now, the distance wouldn’t be so hard to bridge. 

Later that day, it was Jisung who messaged Minho, asking when he was free to hang out next. They had been texting more since the day Minho brought him skating and through some of those texting conversations, Jisung had learned more about what Minho had been up to during the past few years. To his surprise, he discovered that Minho had not had a boyfriend since they had broken up. He learned that he had a situationship and a few miscellaneous no-strings-attached relationships that did not last long, but nothing substantial. The sicker part of Jisung’s brain twisted with excitement at this news. It made him believe that there was a chance. He wasn’t even sure when he had started wanting Minho back, but somehow he felt like he had since the moment he laid eyes on him in the coffee shop his first full day back home. 

Minho responded a half an hour later, waking Jisung up from the light sleep he had fallen into while lying on his bed watching anime. He rubbed his groggy eyes and blinked rapidly at his screen as his eyes adjusted to the bright light. 

Minho-hyungie

6:34pm You wanna come over tomorrow night? I’d invite you over tonight but I’m totally unprepared for guests lmao 

Jisung 

6:35pm Waaaa you wanna prepare for mee? \(๑•́o•̀๑)/

Minho-hyungie

6:35pm I’m just a great host 

Jisung 

6:37pm Yeah yeah But tomorrow does work good for me *gasp* we should make Christmas cookies! 

Minho-hyungie

6:40pm And have you burn my house down? No way 

Jisung pouted, rolling over on his bed. He had gotten much better at cooking since he and Minho were last together. Minho’s worry wasn’t entirely unfounded since the last time Jisung tried to cook anything he did end up lighting it on fire, but he had grown. He was twenty-four and he would be damned if he couldn’t make some Christmas cookies. 

Jisung 

6:42pm That’s so mean hyung :c I’m a lot better at cooking now yk And you can always bake the cookies while I decorate :3

Minho-hyungie

6:43pm Mhm sure I’ll pick up the ingredients tonight 

Jisung 

6:43pm Yayy! You’re the best 

Setting his phone down, Jisung stared up at the ceiling. His heart was beating too fast and his cheeks were warm, which was becoming a common side effect of talking to Minho or being in his presence. He was royally fucked. 

It only got worse as he got ready to go over to Minho’s house the next evening. He was aware they weren’t doing anything particularly special, but he could still feel the budding anxiety blooming in his stomach. When he and Minho were last together, Minho was still living with his parents. He was on his way towards getting an apartment of his own, but he hadn’t gotten everything settled with that yet. Now Minho was an established adult–he had his own place, his own home. There would be little bits and pieces of Minho’s personality spread throughout the entire place–he would get to meet Minho’s cats that he had heard so much about since returning to Korea. Jisung would be in Minho’s most personal space, he would see the most vulnerable parts of him. And they would be wholly, entirely alone. Together. 

He knew he was making a bigger deal of it than he needed to. But to him, it felt like something big. And it twisted his stomach and pulled his ribs together until the ends were rubbing against each other, making his chest too tight for him to breathe. 

But then Minho texted him a picture of his cat Soonie next to a ball of cookie dough with a text that said, “He keeps trying to steal our cookies. You better hurry up,” and suddenly Jisung didn’t feel as worried. Even if he and Minho were still in the process of getting to know each other again, it was still Minho. And as much as they didn’t know each other, they knew each other more than anyone else could ever understand. 

Everything would be fine. 

He arrived at Minho’s house five minutes before the clock hit 7pm. They had agreed to hang out “around that time,” so Jisung counted it as perfectly on time, if not a little early. Minho’s house was smaller than his family’s home and towards the outskirts of town. There were a few other houses lining the street around it and he had a small yard and what looked like it would be a flower garden during the summer. He had a doorbell so Jisung didn’t bother knocking, opting to ring it in hopes that it worked. 

Minho’s muffled voice responded from behind the door followed by the quiet padding of feet on the floor. Moments later, the door opened and there was Minho, smiling softly. His hair was slightly mussed and he was wearing an apron that had flour and a few sauce stains here and there and his cheeks were slightly flushed. Jisung swallowed thickly. Royally fucked. “Hi, Jisung-ah,” he greeted. “Come in. Are you hungry? I made some dinner ‘cause I didn’t know if you would’ve eaten but I probably should’ve asked—” 

“That’s perfect,” Jisung replied, the smile that had already been on his face the moment Minho opened the door splitting into a wide grin. “I actually haven’t eaten so I could definitely eat now.” 

He followed Minho inside and was immediately hit with just how Minho his house was. It was small, but cozy. Countless plants were spread throughout the living room and the kitchen, sitting on the edges of counters and tables. His furniture and decor was all warm toned with dark green and yellow throw pillows on his couch and a lounge chair he had in the door. There was a yellow checkered tablecloth on the dining room table and a pair of salt and pepper shakers shaped like cats in the middle. The sight alone made Jisung’s heart swell. 

After he was finished surveying the house, he finally noticed the delicious smell wafting from the kitchen. His stomach growled and his mouth watered, hit with the different spices in the air from whatever Minho had been cooking. “Oh my gosh I’m like, actually so excited to eat,” he said with a laugh. Minho turned and looked at him fondly. 

“Yeah? Well, good. I made a good amount,” Minho said, going to get the food off the counter. “Ah–it’s japchae. Is that okay?” 

Jisung’s eyes lit up. “Oh that’s perfect. Seriously. What planet are you from, hyung? You’ve always been so good at cooking.” 

Minho laughed and shrugged as he got the food for them. “Mars, but I didn’t learn to cook there.” 

Jisung shook his head, huffing out a laugh. “You’re so weird.” 

“You like weird though, right?” Minho asked with an attempted wink. Jisung’s stomach did somersaults. There was a time, so long ago, where he and Minho were sitting outside one summer night. Minho was having a hard time with his parents and some of his friends and had lamented at that moment that he was, “just too weird for people.” Jisung had turned to him, cupped his face in his hands and said, “You are never too weird, hyung. Not for me. And besides. I like weird.” 

To think that Minho still remembered that. Jisung ached. And worse, he wanted. 

Minho cleared his throat after Jisung had been silent for too long. “Sorry, that was…too much.” 

“No,” Jisung quickly reassured him. “You’re right. I do.” He smiled and Minho’s eyes went wide for a second before he smiled back. 

It was that moment that there was the sound of paws running across the floor and something furry was rubbing against Jisung’s legs. He looked down and let out a gasp at the sight of Minho’s cat, Soonie, curling himself around his ankles. Then, in less than a second, another ball of fur joined Soonie, butting its head against Jisung’s legs while emitting a loud purr. “Oh my gosh. Soonie and Doongie, right?” Jisung asked, kneeling down to pet the two cats on the head. “Hi guys! Oh aren’t you just the cutest? Oh my, so soft!” he cooed, scratching behind Doongie’s ears. 

“Yep, that’s them. Dori’s probably hiding somewhere, but I’m sure he’ll come out eventually.” 

Jisung glanced up as he petted the two cats and found Minho smiling down at him. He quickly looked away, but the sight made his cheeks warm. 

“As much as I would like for you to keep getting to know my babies, we should probably eat. The food’s gonna get cold,” Minho said, which prompted Jisung to pout. He gave both Soonie and Doongie a final pat on the head and let out a dramatic sigh. 

“I’m sorry, kitties, but your owner insists I leave you.” Doongie meowed and Jisung’s frown deepened. “I know, right?” He shook his head playfully as he stood up. Minho watched him with an amused glint in his eye as he went to sit down at the table. “Oh wow this looks good,” he exclaimed as soon as he laid eyes on the food in front of him, completely forgetting about his cat dilemma. He was salivating just looking at the food. 

Minho chuckled as he joined him sitting down and picked up his chopsticks. “Well I hope it tastes as good as it looks. Please, eat.” 

Jisung was never one to not listen when told to eat, so he did. And immediately he felt himself fall again for Minho entirely, the first bite of noodles bursting with so much flavor he nearly moaned. “Hyung, what the fuck,” he groaned. He scooped up another bite with his chopsticks and slurped the noodles into his mouth. “This is amazing. You’re amazing.” He almost tacked on an “I love you,” but refrained. 

“It’s not anything that special,” Minho said with a shrug. Jisung wanted to grab him by the shoulders and shake him. 

“It is though! And you will accept the compliment.” 

Minho rolled his eyes and laughed. “Alright, I will, thank you.” 

Satisfied, Jisung went back to eating with more vigor than he even ate the meals his mother prepared. He would have to tell her that she had competition.

- 

Jisung looked ridiculously adorable, all messy from decorating cookies. There was a smear of blue icing on the corner of his mouth and flour on the tip of his nose. He was wearing one of Minho’s aprons because he didn’t want to get any of the icing on his outfit. Minho didn’t know what to do with the fact that he desperately wanted to kiss him. 

Making it through dinner without grabbing Jisung by the collar of his shirt and pulling him for a kiss was one of the most difficult things Minho had done in a long time. When Jisung took a bite and his eyes lit up and he smiled, when he groaned as the flavors hit his tongue, when he shook his hands in little fists, Minho’s heart ached. He had so many regrets and he wasn’t sure he could come back from them. He wanted Jisung back. He wanted his best friend back, he wanted the person he had once believed to be his soulmate back. 

Decorating cookies with Jisung made the thoughts in Minho’s head quiet down, at least a little bit. It made Minho so happy he couldn’t think negatively. Even if the ache in his heart didn’t subside, at least Jisung was here. And he was so happy. 

“Rockin’ Around the Christmas Tree,” played in the background as Minho filled a Christmas tree-shaped cookie in with green icing. Jisung hummed softly to the tune and swayed his hips every now and then as he decorated his own snowman cookie. Minho’s eyes were drawn to the motion every few moments and he quickly averted his gaze whenever he realized what he was doing. Did he even know how irresistible he was? Or was Minho just insane? 

“Aww, I messed up his eyes,” Jisung whined, his bottom lip jutting out in a pout. He held up his snowman cookie, showing Minho the smeared black where the eyes were supposed to be. If it weren’t for the white all over the cookie and the shape it probably wouldn’t even look like a snowman with how wonky the features were, but to Minho, it was the best snowman in the entire world. 

“That’s okay, I think it looks just fine,” Minho reassured him with a slight smile. 

Jisung huffed a little, shaking his head. “All your cookies look perfect. It’s so annoying.” 

Minho couldn’t help but laugh at that, his cheeks hurting slightly from how much he had been smiling the whole evening. “And yours are good too, Sung. Besides, we’re just gonna eat them anyway so how they look doesn’t matter.” 

“That’s just a nice way of saying mine look fucked up.” 

“It is not!” Minho denied, even if Jisung’s snowman looked more like a demented Santa Claus. He tried. That’s what mattered. 

“Sure,” Jisung mumbled. He went back to decorating his cookies, a sulk plastered on his face. A chuckle escaped Minho’s lips and he rolled his eyes. 

They continued decorating cookies like that, mostly in silence. Occasionally Jisung would pipe up to say something random or he would sing along to the Christmas song that was playing. It was pleasant. Minho felt more comfortable than he had in a long while and for the first time in years, his chest swelled with a true Christmas feeling. His happiness swelled up and overflowed enough to get caught in his throat, giddiness like a child on Christmas morning spreading through even his limbs. 

Minho saved most of his cookies so that he could have a nice spread once he was done. Jisung periodically ate the cookies he made, and when they were finished, Minho had about a dozen cookies left while Jisung had a solid six and was complaining about his stomach hurting. 

“If you hadn’t eaten so many your stomach wouldn’t be hurting,” he scolded. 

“You can’t blame me when they’re cookies you made,” Jisung retorted, indignant. He gingerly rubbed over the top of his stomach and sighed. “It’s not my fault.” He lifted his hand to his face and licked bits of crumb and icing off his fingertips. Minho swallowed thickly. 

“Mhm, blame me.” 

He picked up one of his cookies and held it between his teeth as he gathered the rest onto a plate. “Wanna wastch a Chwrifmash movie?” he asked, words garbled by the cookie in his mouth. Jisung side-eyed him, the corners of his mouth turning downwards. 

“You couldn’t have asked before sticking that in your mouth?” Minho shrugged, finally biting off the piece. Damn, they were good. “But yes, I do. Can we have snacks too?” 

“You were just complaining about your stomach hurting,” Minho said, but at the same time went to his cabinets to see what he had. Jisung didn’t seem phased by his comment, instead going to his living room to make himself comfortable on the couch. The sight of him so at ease did something to Minho’s poor heart and he wet his lips, his mouth suddenly feeling dry. 

 He joined Jisung on the couch a few minutes later with two bottles of soju and an assortment of movie snacks in hand. He sat down with enough space between him and Jisung for another person. He knew they had gotten closer recently, but he wanted to make sure Jisung was comfortable. If they were going to be closer, Minho needed Jisung to make the first move. 

“What movie d’ya wanna watch?” he asked, leaning back against the couch cushions as he opened the bottle of soju. Peach flavored. He remembered Jisung saying he liked that in the past and hoped he still did. The first sip settled in his stomach with a pleasant warmth. Maybe a bit of alcohol would stop his thoughts. 

“Any is good. Elf, maybe?” Jisung asked. Minho snickered. He should have expected that. 

“Elf it is then.” He turned on the movie and Jisung settled back the same way he did, opening his soju with a quiet “thank you.” 

Ten minutes into the movie, Jisung scooted closer to Minho on the couch. He stiffened when he noticed and that made Jisung frown. “Is this okay?” he asked, sounding so small and vulnerable in a way that Minho never wanted to hear. 

“Yeah, it’s perfectly fine,” he told him with a gentle nod. He realized then that with as much as he wanted to be close to Jisung, Jisung might actually want the same thing. So instead of being a coward, he moved closer to Jisung and closed the gap between them so that they were touching from their shoulders down to their thighs. The contact made Minho’s skin tingle and his heart rabbited in his chest, yet somehow he wasn’t nervous. Maybe it was the sips of soju he’d had settling in his stomach sending alcohol through his veins–liquid courage–but he felt confident. Before he could overthink it, he wrapped his arm around Jisung’s shoulders, his fingertips brushing against his shoulder. He may have imagined it but for a second he thought he heard Jisung’s breath hitch at the contact. 

“Is this okay?” it was his turn to ask. Jisung nodded quickly, his bottom lip pulled between his teeth. “You sure? I know we…” We’re not the same anymore. We’re exes. We broke up. We didn’t talk for years. 

“It is,” Jisung said, his voice the texture of cotton candy. The weight was removed from Minho’s chest. 

“Okay, good.” He pulled Jisung more into his side and caressed his shoulder with the tips of his fingers. He could hear Jisung’s soft breaths and could smell his shampoo like this–strawberry, he decided–and it was not good for his sanity. He was so warm against his body, so close. He had been worried about Jisung, but perhaps he should be worried about himself. 

They only made it five more minutes and another sip of soju into the movie before Minho’s feelings were exploding out of his chest, too much to contain. “Jisung…I…” He swallowed thickly and fiddled with Jisung’s shirt sleeve. He wasn’t looking at Jisung but he could feel his gaze on him. He took a deep breath. “I didn’t–I didn’t want to break up with you, back then. I thought–I thought it was the best thing for us but I didn’t want it. Fuck, I–I wanted you to say no.” His voice shook a little. 

“Hyung…” Jisung muttered, eyes wide as he stared at Minho. 

Minho wet his lips and turned his head, making eye contact with him. “I just…I need you to know. That I regretted it. There wasn’t a day I didn’t want you back.” 

“Hyung,” Jisung said again, his voice sounding a little more desperate. “Why–where is this coming from?” 

“I—” Minho wanted to blame it on the alcohol, but he wasn’t drunk. Sure, it was affecting him a little bit, easing his nerves, giving him the courage to say this. But it wasn’t why he was saying it. “Since the day you walked into my coffee shop last week, or whenever it was. I’ve been thinking about everything. And it just made me realize how much I missed you. I think I could–no, I am falling for you again, already. I just can’t keep it in, especially since you’ll be going to America again and I–” 

“Minho-yah, hey. Minho, it’s okay,” Jisung said, reaching up to cup Minho’s cheeks. Only when he brushed his thumb over the soft flesh there did he realize that he had started crying. What the fuck. 

“Sorry,” Minho choked. “I’m sorry, the last thing you probably wanted to come back to was your ex I mean we had to stop talking for a reason—” 

Minho was shut up the moment he felt Jisung’s plush lips press against his own in a warm, chaste kiss. There was little finesse, no tongue, no urgency, but in that moment it was everything. A calming buzz settled over Minho’s body and mind, something settling in his chest where it had been left hollow. Jisung tasted like peach soju and sugar from the cookies they had made together, and like something so familiar even six years later and so distinctly Jisung that it hit him with a wave of nostalgia. 

When Jisung pulled away, his heartbeat was roaring in his ears yet he felt calm. He felt sated, but he wanted more. That was the thing. When they broke up he said he was okay being his friend, but he continued wanting more. When Jisung came back, he told himself he wanted to be friends with him again, and here he was, wanting more. With Jisung, he was insatiable. Greedy. There was never enough when it came to Jisung. 

Jisung looked at him, seemingly waiting for a response to the kiss. He didn’t say anything else, rather, angled his body so he could face him better and pulled him into another kiss. This time he slotted their lips together with purpose, tilting his head so he could take all of Jisung in. He cupped Jisung’s cheek with one hand and the other he rested on Jisung’s waist. Oh his waist. It had always been one of Minho’s favorite parts of him and it turned out it was now, too. 

He gave the curve of Jisung’s waist a squeeze which prompted a small gasp from him. Minho parted his lips as Jisung gasped, licking across his bottom lip, a mere taste of all that he wanted. When Jisung seemed to reciprocate his desire, he licked into his mouth, swallowing down the little noises Jisung made as he kissed him deeper. He was a good kisser, much better than when they had been together as inexperienced teenagers. He tried not to think about all the people he must have kissed since then and tried to focus on the fact that regardless of any of that, Jisung was here. 

Jisung shifted and his hands slid from Minho’s cheeks to tangle in his hair and Minho groaned into his mouth. He wrapped his arm around Jisung’s waist and tugged him forward a little; Jisung seemed to get the memo because in the next moment he was moving to sit in Minho’s lap, his thighs straddling his hips. Minho tugged his bottom lip between his teeth and Jisung outright moaned, the sound pooling as arousal in his belly. 

“Min– Minho,” Jisung gasped against his mouth after Minho released his bottom lip. His hands fell from Minho’s hair to his shoulders and he gave a small roll of his hips–a barely-there movement, but Minho felt it. 

“ Mmh, Sung-ah, fuck,” he breathed. He felt dizzy, his head swimming like he was drunk. He wasn’t, but he might as well have downed the entire bottle of soju in one go. He hadn’t felt desperation like this in a long time. But he needed Jisung, needed him in ways he couldn’t begin to describe. 

Jisung released breathy whines into Minho’s mouth, their lips gliding together, slick and wet. Messy, but so good. Jisung’s breath came out in pants between kisses, a string of spit connecting them. It was driving Minho insane. And when he rolled his hips again Minho gasped at the friction against his cock, which was already hard in his sweatpants. He wanted, he wanted, he wanted—

But—

“Ah, Jisung, Sungie, wait,” he said when he got a moment to breathe from how incessantly Jisung was kissing him. Jisung froze, his movements stopping all together. 

“What is it?” he asked, eyes wide with worry, anxiety. 

Minho wet his lips, the taste of Jisung still lingering on them. “I don’t–I don’t really have anything for uh…uhm.” He gestured vaguely with his hand and cleared his throat. “And I think…I think we should wait. Maybe a little.” Getting those words out felt like tearing at his chest but with their history they couldn’t just rush into things. That would only end up in both of them getting hurt and that was the last thing Minho wanted. He wanted to do things right. 

Jisung frowned and looked a little disappointed, but he nodded. “You’re probably right,” he agreed softly. 

Minho swallowed. “I do want you,” he said, hoping to reassure any thoughts that might be going through Jisung’s head. “But I also want to make sure that you know I want you for more than just sex. And I don’t want us…I don’t want you to do something you might regret especially since you’ll be leaving and we have… history.” 

“I wouldn’t regret it though,” Jisung said assuredly. “I know that already.” He slid off of Minho’s lap but still stayed glued to his side. “And the same things you said, hyung. I didn’t want us to end either. And I never forgot about you. Even if I was an asshole and stopped messaging. That was never–it was never because I wanted to forget you. Fuck, Minho, I don’t think I could regret anything with you except for leaving you.” 

Minho’s eyes stung and he looked up at the ceiling, blinking rapidly a couple times. “That’s really…wow.” 

“We were stupid kids, hyung,” Jisung said, rubbing Minho’s shoulder. The action caused Minho’s heart to skip a beat. “I was too, especially. Neither of us knew what we were doing in life, I was totally immature.”

“Right person, wrong time,” Minho said with a wry laugh. Jisung still seemed like the right person, but would there ever be a right time? He was going back. Minho didn’t even want to think about it. 

“Yeah…” Jisung trailed off, looking down for a moment. “I know…things are kind of uncertain right now. But I want you to know that spending time with you since I got back has been the happiest I’ve been in a while.” 

Minho’s heart was going to beat out of his chest, he knew it. “That’s just because I feed you so much sugar.” 

“It is not!” Jisung gasped, shoving his shoulder. “You do make an amazing candy cane mocha, and amazing cheesecake, and amazing cookies–but that’s not the point!” 

Minho couldn’t help laughing, throwing his head back. “Ah, I know. I’m just teasing. I’m glad. Really. I’ve been happy too.” Jisung’s smile was worth any tension Minho had felt, any anxieties he had, any worries. He would do anything to see Jisung smile over and over again. 

A moment of quiet passed over them where Jisung just leaned against Minho. Then Minho took a deep breath and exhaled slowly. “Let’s think for a few days. I think I already know where I stand but I want to be sure. And I just want to keep enjoying my time with you.” What I have left until you leave. “And I want—” His cheeks warmed and he looked off to the side. “If we do anything, I want to make it special. I don’t get to have you for long, I want to make everything count.” 

Jisung stared at him for a moment before he grinned widely. He giggled and bounced in his seat. “ Hyung! That is so romantic and so cheesy. You’re so cute what the fuck.” He giggled again and Minho tongued his cheek. 

“I am not cute.” 

“You’re adorable. I lo–I love how much of a hopeless romantic you are.” 

Minho could deny Jisung’s accusations all he wanted but there was no way he could deny the way his heartbeat sped up just a little. “I just…I care about you, Sung-ah,” he said, his tone turning serious. “I know you haven’t been back for long, but I never stopped caring about you. So I want to show that.” Even if I only get to have you for one night. Even if that’s all I’ll ever get. 

“Hyung,” Jisung mumbled, eyes going a little wide. “I–that really means a lot. I care about you too. I’m still so sorry I just left like that. I won’t do it again. I promise.” 

Maybe Minho was a fool, but he chose to believe him. He reached up to brush a strand of hair behind Jisung’s ear. “I know. I wouldn’t let you anyway,” he joked, but inside he felt it was the truth. He couldn’t let him go again. He wouldn’t. 

“You better not,” Jisung said with a giggle. “Now let's pay attention to the movie. We missed Buddy getting attacked by the raccoon.” 

“Shit,” Minho muttered, laughing softly. “You’re right. Guess I’ll have to skip back.” 

The smile Jisung gave him made his heart ache. But it was a different ache this time. It was mixed with a little hope. 

“Yeah, you better.” 

-

For the next few days leading up to Christmas, Jisung thought a lot. He went over every memory he had with Minho in his head, mulled over his feelings for hours. His parents even asked him what was wrong with how silent he had been at the dinner table since he was usually full of endless conversation. He explained that he was alright but simply had something important on his mind. He was grateful to them for not prying too much. This was something he needed to figure out on his own. 

While he went over his thoughts, he tried to spend as much time with Minho as he could. That really only allowed for two coffee shop visits since he was busy with his own family and Minho was getting more visitors at the shop with it nearing Christmas. Couples were coming in every few minutes, holding hands, giggling, ordering matching drinks and desserts–Minho’s candy cane mocha was the most popular. Jisung had to agree with the popular choice. If he wasn’t coming for Minho there was a large chance he would come anyway to get it again. But maybe that was his bias. 

On his second visit since their night together, which happened to be the day before Christmas Eve, Jisung met Felix. He had heard about him from Minho and knew he helped out with the coffee shop on its busiest days but he hadn’t met him once since he had started coming there. He had not been expecting to hit it off with him so quickly. He was shocked to find out that they were born so close together, practically the same age. Felix could only be described as sunshine incarnate, with a smile that could blind anyone that looked at it for too long, and a personality that hooked anyone to him the moment they started talking to him. He spent more time talking to Felix then than he did Minho and there were more than a few times where he felt Minho’s gaze on them. Whenever Jisung looked over he would quickly look away, lips turned down in a frown. It made Jisung smile to himself. Minho was jealous. 

As much as Jisung enjoyed his jealousy, it was entirely unfounded. For some reason, Jisung meeting Felix only solidified his feelings. Meeting his friend somehow made him feel one step closer to the closeness they had once shared. And knowing he was friends with such an angel made him trust Minho more. 

That evening, while lying on his bed, he made his decision. He’d practically made it already, but he wanted to think about it like Minho wanted. He wanted Minho. That much he knew. There was a lot he had to figure out since he would be traveling back to the United States after the New Year, but he was also selfish. He wanted Minho even if the future was uncertain. He didn’t want to be cautious anymore. 

Jisung picked up his phone and his thumb hovered over Minho’s contact before he pressed “call.” It only rang a few times before there was a shuffled sound and Minho’s voice came over the speaker. 

“Hey, Hannie. What’s up?” 

Jisung licked his lips and sat up a bit straighter so he could focus. “Hi, hyung,” he greeted. “I’ve been thinking. About our conversation.” 

“Yeah?” Minho breathed. Jisung felt like he could hear his interest over the phone. 

“Yeah,” he reiterated. “I really do want you, hyung.” It made him blush to say it out loud again, his cheeks heating up from the simple admission. “I know it’s complicated and there’s a lot I have to figure out but you’re so…I wanna be yours again, hyung. Will you make me yours?” He swallowed thickly and took a deep breath as he waited for Minho’s response. He heard the other take in a sharp breath. 

“Yes. Yes, I’ll make you mine. I don’t care about anything else. I just want to have you one time, Sungie.” 

Jisung didn’t say how much he didn’t want it to be one time. This wouldn’t be their first time together, but somehow this felt even bigger than the first time they shared together. Jisung could still remember that moment. How they were both so young and inexperienced but that didn’t matter because it was them and they wanted each other even if they were still figuring out how things worked. Now they were reuniting with more experience, both of them more mature. Both of them with so much to figure out but with the undeniable pull towards each other. Jisung didn’t know how he had gone so long without talking to Minho. 

“You can have me, hyung,” he said, so soft he was worried Minho hadn’t picked it up, but the small hum he heard on the other side told him he had. 

“What are you doing on Christmas Eve?” Minho asked. 

Jisung didn’t even have to think. “I’m completely free. I’m not doing anything with my family until Christmas. And either way, I’m sure they would understand.” His parents had been nothing but encouraging of the renewal of his relationship with Minho. 

“Okay, good. Come over for dinner, then? I’ll make it really nice, just for you, Sung-ah.” 

A lump formed in Jisung’s throat and he nodded even though Minho couldn’t see. “That sounds perfect. Absolutely perfect. I’ll see you tomorrow then?” 

“Mm. Same time as last time.”

“Alright, hyung. I’ll see you then!” 

“See you then. I’ll let you go now, ‘kay? Gotta go give the demons water.” Jisung found himself nodding again, even though Minho couldn’t see. “Goodnight, Hannie.” 

“Okay, goodnight, Minho-hyung,” he said, unable to hold back his smile. The line cut off and he let out a sigh as he put his phone down. He had a date with Minho. A Christmas date no less. 

He was so fucked. 

Jisung had done his makeup, styled his hair, and done every possible thing under the sun to make himself the prettiest for Minho that he possibly could. He figured Minho liked him as he was, but a little extra effort didn’t hurt. Especially since he had a strong feeling of where the night was going to go after dinner. His eyes had a light golden shimmer on the lids and there was mascara on his lashes, his lips were a rosy pink tinted from a lip stain and gloss, and had added a hint of blush on his cheeks. He didn’t need much since he would most likely be blushing the entire evening anyway.

Minho’s smile when he invited him in was blinding and it made butterflies explode in Jisung’s stomach. He could tell that despite Minho’s excitement, he was still a little nervous which quelled some of Jisung’s nerves. 

“You look pretty, Hannie,” he said softly as he took in Jisung’s appearance. If it was possible for an entire body to blush, Jisung’s did just that. 

“Thank you, hyung-ah,” he replied, smiling bashfully to himself. Minho still thinks I look pretty. 

The house smelled just as good as last time and his stomach growled the moment he stepped inside. There was a bigger spread than before and the yellow checkered tablecloth had been replaced by a red tablecloth with two lit candles in the middle. The lights were dimmed and the flames of the candles cast a warm glow over the kitchen that made it the perfect combination of cozy and romantic. And when Jisung glanced into the living room he saw that Minho had even set up a Christmas tree. It was fake and some areas were more sparsely decorated than others, but it was the most beautiful tree he had ever seen. His eyes stung. 

“I hope this isn’t too much. Or too little–I wanted it to be nice,” Minho rushed, rubbing the back of his neck. “I also–I made a cheesecake. Since I know you like that.” 

“This is perfect, ” Jisung exclaimed. He felt like his heart was going to explode out of his chest. “And you made me cheesecake? You’re amazing. I could kiss you.” 

Minho blinked a few times and then said, his voice a little softer, “You could.” 

Jisung’s eyes went wide but then he smiled, stepping into Minho’s space so he could hold him closer. He tilted his chin up and pressed his lips to Minho’s, eyelids fluttering shut. The kiss was a lot less passionate than the last one they had shared, but not as chaste as the first kiss Jisung had given him. It was just deep enough, the quick swipe of tongue against parted lips a promise of what was to come. 

“You taste so good, Sungie,” Minho murmured as he pulled away and Jisung’s cheeks turned a fiery red. 

“Goodness, shut up,” he whined, shoving him away playfully. “I won’t kiss you again if you’re gonna be embarrassing.” Minho smirked, satisfied with himself. They both knew Jisung was lying. He would kiss Minho again, and again, and again. 

They got to dinner after that, Minho being the gentleman he was and filling Jisung’s plate for him. There was a thick layer of tension that hung in the air as they ate and it made Jisung’s skin tingle and his stomach twist in delight. It was hard to focus on conversation, but he did his best to talk since it was Minho. And he could talk to Minho endlessly. He explained his Christmas plans and learned that Minho wouldn’t be seeing his parents for Christmas. As much as that saddened him, he wasn’t surprised. Minho had always had a rocky relationship with his parents; he was just sad they had never made any effort to repair their relationship with him. He invited him over to his house with his family but he learned that he already had plans to spend time with Felix and his family who were visiting from Australia. Rather than making Jisung jealous, he only felt happy. 

Dinner was filling and delicious and the cheesecake Minho had made was even better than the ones he made for his coffee shop. It practically melted on his tongue and Jisung couldn’t hold back the moan as the taste. “This is literally the best thing I have ever tasted. You have to make these like, every day now. Like seriously, send me this, hyung. I don’t know what I’ll ever do now that I’ve tasted this.” 

Minho blushed and the sight was so pretty Jisung nearly fainted. “I guess I’ll have to now, if you like it so much,” he said. Then, something in the air seemed to shift and Minho’s gaze shifted. He reached across the table and for a moment Jisung was confused at what he was doing, but then he cupped his jaw and swiped his thumb across his bottom lip. “You always eat desserts so messy.” 

Jisung’s cheeks heated up and his stomach swooped. He was going to whine, complain, but Minho apparently wasn’t done. His thumb still remained on Jisung’s lip and he gingerly pulled it down so his mouth opened just enough for him to slip his thumb inside. “Here,” he said. There was a gravelliness to his voice that hadn’t been there before. “Don’t want you to waste any.” 

Stunned, Jisung could only blink at him. And then he did the most logical thing–he swirled his tongue around Minho’s thumb, licking off the crumb of cheesecake he had swiped up. That seemed to satisfy Minho and his lips quirked up as he popped his thumb out of Jisung’s mouth. 

“Good boy. ” 

Jisung gasped and a jolt of arousal zipped through his stomach. He suddenly felt dizzy and all too aware at the same time. Minho ran his thumb along Jisung’s bottom lip, coating it in his own spit, before he pulled away. His lip and jaw tingled where Minho’s touch had been and his entire body felt like it was on fire. Fuck. 

“Finish up, Jisung.” Minho’s eyes were half lidded, sharp and catlike, and arousal pooled in Jisung’s stomach and prickled at his skin like needles. 

He nodded and took another bite of his cheesecake because even though his mind was elsewhere now, there was no way he would let it go to waste. And the sooner he finished, the sooner he could get to the real dessert of the night. 

Minho’s eyes were fixed on him the entire time he made his way through the dessert. He was afraid to look up, but when he did he found that Minho’s eyes never left him, even when they made eye contact. Occasionally Jisung noticed his gaze shifting from his face to his mouth–when he licked some of the cream off his lips the rhythm of Minho’s breathing changed, and even that sound was enough to make heat boil in the pit of Jisung’s stomach. 

Jisung licked the fork clean after the last bite and set it down on the plate. “Done, hyung,” he announced, the anticipation for what was to come sending tingles up and down his spine. 

“Did you like it?” Minho asked as he got up from his chair. Jisung followed, standing on shaky legs. Minho was in his space with two strides and he placed his hand on the curve of Jisung’s waist. His thumb rubbed up and down, melting Jisung’s brain into sugary syrup. 

“Yeah, it was amazing,” he mumbled, swallowing thickly. “I loved it.” 

“Mind if I see for myself?” Jisung knew what he was asking immediately–Minho already had his own slice, but that didn’t matter. 

“Please,” he whispered, heart beating wildly in his chest. 

The grip on his waist tightened and then Minho was kissing him. He coaxed his mouth open with his tongue and pulled him close until their bodies were flush together. He eased a thigh between Jisung’s legs and he let out a gasp into his mouth at the friction. He could feel Minho smirking against his mouth as he used the hand on his waist to make Jisung grind down onto his thigh. 

At the same time, he used the hand that wasn’t holding Jisung’s waist to grab Jisung’s hair and tilt his head so that he could slot their mouths together better. The slick sounds of their lips and tongues sliding together made the arousal coiling in Jisung’s belly grow and he whimpered pathetically. His mind felt hazy already from just a little kissing, his cock already fully hard in his pants as he practically humped Minho’s thigh. It was embarrassing but that only made him more turned on. 

“Minho-hyung, ahhh,” Jisung moaned as Minho tilted his head back with a tug of his hair and began planting open-mouthed kisses on his neck. The kisses quickly changed to him sucking bruises on his neck. He nipped gentle at the skin and Jisung let out a little ah again. 

“You sound so pretty…fuck you’re so pretty for me, Hannie,” he mumbled against his skin. Each brush of his lips made Jisung shiver and his cock twitched in his underwear. 

“Please, Mm-Minho,” Jisung begged. His legs were beginning to shake–any second he was going to collapse to the floor in a pile of goo. 

“Let’s go to the bedroom, hm?” 

Jisung nodded quickly as Minho led him down the hall to his bedroom. He never let go of his waist, instead wrapping his arm around him to guide him. It made Jisung feel safe somehow–owned, like he belonged to Minho. And maybe that was what he had needed all along. Maybe that was why none of the relationships he’d had in America felt right. Because right was waiting for him in South Korea. 

Minho’s bedroom was much like the rest of his house. Various potted plants spread about, some hanging from the ceiling. There was a cat tree in the corner and fairy lights going around the room attached to the ceiling. His bed was big and the blankets were a soft mint color. He still has the same favorite color, Jisung mused to himself as Minho laid him down on the bed. 

“Is this still okay?” Minho asked as he hovered over him, his hands sliding underneath Jisung’s sweater. His breath hitched as he nodded eagerly. 

“Yes, it’s perfect. I want you. Please,” he answered. To prove his point he grabbed the hem of his shirt and pulled it over his head, leaving himself half naked for Minho to admire. Minho inhaled as he took in Jisung’s body, the curve of his waist, his built chest, the muscles in his arms. Jisung knew he looked good, but Minho’s hungry gaze still made him feel shy. He moved to cross his arms over himself after Minho looked too long, but he grabbed Jisung’s wrists and pinned them down. 

“Don’t hide, jagi, ” Minho instructed. “You look so perfect. So goddamn pretty.” 

Jisung swallowed down a whimper at the praise and the pet name. Jagi. Minho called him jagi. He never imagined he would hear him say that again, but here he was, calling him that while he pinned his wrists to the bed. He was blushing all the way down to his chest already. “I won’t, but hyung. Stop staring. I want you.” 

“What do you want, hm?” Minho asked, tilting his head. 

Jisung whined, his cheeks burning. “I want–” He wet his lips. “I want you to fuck me. Please, fuck me, hyung.” 

Minho’s eyes fluttered shut as he groaned. “Fuck, such a good boy, asking so nicely. Yeah, of course I’ll fuck you.” 

He leaned down to capture Jisung’s lips in a hungry kiss again and his hands began roaming Jisung’s body, sliding down to undo his pants. Jisung’s senses were overwhelmed with Minho, the taste of his mouth, the smell of his cologne, the heat of his body. His hands left fire wherever they touched, sparks igniting, exploding into flames that enveloped Jisung’s entire body. 

He lifted his hips as Minho attempted to tug his pants and boxers down, having to pull away from the kiss for a moment to get him completely naked. They tossed them somewhere in the room, neither of them caring where they landed. 

With Jisung left completely naked and Minho still dressed, he felt incredibly vulnerable, but somehow safe at the same time. Minho’s eyes were trained on him again, drinking him in like he was some sort of magic elixir. Jisung had never felt so desired. Minho looked at him like he was ready to worship the ground he walked on. 

A bead of precum leaked from the tip of Jisung’s dick and he whined when Minho’s eyes flitted down to it. “Minho,” he pleaded. “You’re still fully clothed. I want to see you.” 

Minho chuckled and smirked down at him. “Yeah? What do you have to say?” 

“Please,” Jisung said. He wasn’t beyond begging. There was nothing he wouldn’t do to have Minho right now. “Please let me see you, hyung.” 

Minho smiled and pressed a quick peck to his lips. “Okay, okay. You can see me.” He pulled his shirt over his head, tossing it in the same direction Jisung’s pants had gone, and Jisung nearly drooled at the sight. He had gotten much more built over the years but still maintained a layer of softness over it all. Broad shoulders and muscular arms faded into a soft tummy that Jisung wanted to sink his teeth into. A light trail of hair went down into the waistband of Minho’s pants. His mouth watered. 

“Off,” he huffed, sitting up so he could start tugging down Minho’s pants. 

“Impatient,” Minho laughed even as he helped him tug them down. 

“Don’t tease me.” Jisung pouted. “I’m so needy for you and you’re teasing me!” 

“Oh baby,” Minho cooed. “You’re just so cute when you’re all pouty.” He cupped Jisung’s jaw and brushed his thumb over his bottom lip. Jisung’s heart skipped a beat and blood rushed to his cheeks. “But don’t worry, I won’t make you wait long. Just a second, okay?” 

Jisung nodded dumbly, laying back down on the bed as Minho scooted back to get rid of the rest of his clothes. His cock hung heavy between his legs, so hard and red. And fuck he was huge. Jisung’s hole clenched around nothing at the thought of it inside of him, fucking into him, keeping him so full. 

Minho grinned at him and crawled forward to sit between Jisung’s thighs. “Spread these pretty thighs for me, jagi,” he said softly, tapping Jisung’s upper thigh. Jisung let out an embarrassed whine at how his cock twitched at the simple contact. 

Jisung took a deep, shuddering breath as he bent his knees and spread his legs apart to give Minho access. He tried to keep his nerves down but they continued to bubble up, making his heart race. Minho seemed to notice and rubbed a soothing hand up and down his thigh. “Shh, relax. I’m gonna take care of you, m’kay? And you can tell me if you don’t want to do anything, alright?” 

He nodded, wetting his lips. “I know. I trust you.” He relaxed a little more as Minho smiled, allowing himself to sink into the bed. Minho moved his thighs further apart and reached behind him to grab a bottle of lube sitting on the dresser and a condom that had been placed there. Jisung bit his lip as he uncapped the bottle and poured a generous amount onto his fingertips. The sight of Minho’s hands covered in the slick substance had Jisung’s stomach twisting, arousal building. 

He reached between his legs and pressed his middle finger to his entrance. “‘M gonna open you up now, okay?” Jisung exhaled shakily, not trusting himself to speak. Minho bit his lip as he pushed the tip of his first finger past his rim and his eyes winded when he was met with no resistance. “ Baby, what is this?” he asked, his voice taking on a gravelly edge it hadn’t had before. 

Jisung squirmed under him, body heating up like he was sitting in front of a fire. “I–uhm–I fingered myself before I came…so I would be ready,” he admitted shyly. He hadn’t planned to, he just got in the shower and it happened. He couldn’t stop thinking about Minho, his touches, the kisses they’d shared, getting fucked by him. 

“Shit, Sung, that’s so fucking hot,” Minho groaned, sliding his finger all the way in. “Did you think about me while you fingered yourself? Imagine it was my fingers? Or my cock?” 

He curled his finger and Jisung moaned, nodding his head. “Hah–y-yes,” he hiccuped. “Pictured it was you…wanted it to be you, hyung.” 

“Shit.” Minho looked almost as affected as Jisung felt and it only made his dick ache more. 

“I can take two now, I promise. I’m all prepped already, I need you, ple– ahhh, ” he moaned, cutting himself off. Minho inserted a second finger, filling him up easily. Jisung had gotten to three fingers before he came all over his hand. Minho’s hands had always been smaller than his, his fingers shorter, but there was something about the fact that it was Minho that made it feel so much better. 

“Sucking me in just perfect, fuck, ” Minho breathed as he pumped his fingers inside his hole. “Can’t wait to fuck you, shit. You’re so pretty.” 

“ Min ,” Jisung gasped, back arching as Minho spread his fingers. “Another, please, I’m ready.” 

Minho was too far gone himself to question and after pulling out his first two fingers he pushed inside him again with three. Jisung’s breath hitched and his toes curled. Minho pushed his fingers deeper, just shy of where he needed it, and it was so much, yet not enough. He needed more, more, more. 

Minho fucked him with his fingers for a little while longer, reducing him to a whiny, breathless mess with just his hands in no time. Even if he had smaller fingers, he knew how to use them and could angle them better than Jisung ever could when he fucked himself. His cock was leaking all over his stomach and his body was shaking when Minho first brushed the tip of his fingers against his prostate. His stomach tensed and his cock twitched against his stomach, telltale signs of his orgasm approaching. 

“Mmm, ‘m gonna–gonna come if you d-don’t stop. I’m ready, I promise, need you to fuck me now,” he begged, eyes stinging with tears of desperation. 

“You sure, Hannie?” he asked, tilting his head. 

“Yes, please. I can take it.” 

Minho let out a little sound, akin to a moan, and it went straight to Jisung’s cock, electricity shooting through his stomach. “O-okay, shit. You’re so perfect. How are you so perfect?” he mumbled as he pulled his fingers out. Jisung whimpered at the loss, body arching against the bed. 

“Don’t–dunno. It’s just for you,” he said, and he truly meant it. Having Minho back, having him like this, felt so good, there was no way he could have anyone else. 

“All for me, hm?” His gaze softened for a moment before they narrowed again as he hiked Jisung’s legs up so he could fold his hips back. “You’ll be good for me and take it then, hm?” he asked as he rolled a condom onto his cock with his free hand. 

Jisung nodded vigorously, eyes wide as he watched Minho adjust him like a doll, with one hand no less. “Yes, yes, please, just fuck me, fuck me jagi,” he begged, the pet name slipping out easy on his tongue. Minho’s eyes went wide for a second and he blinked, but seconds later his expression was back to normal. 

“Gonna take such good care of you Sungie. My Sungie,” he muttered. Jisung moaned as the tip of Minho’s cock pushed inside of him. It was barely anything but already he felt so full. Minho was going to split him in half. 

“Fuck, fuck,” he whimpered, ass clenching around Minho’s length. Minho hissed through his teeth and squeezed the flesh of Jisung’s soft thighs. It hurt a bit, and they were probably going to bruise. Jisung hoped he would be bruised for weeks. 

“Shit, Sung, you’re so fucking tight. Gotta relax for me, m’kay baby?” 

Jisung tried but he was too overwhelmed. Already the sensation of Minho’s cock filling him up was too much, too much—

“Kiss me,” he breathed, inhaling sharply as Minho pushed in a little deeper. 

Minho didn’t respond, opting to instead maneuver between Jisung’s thighs so he could cage him in with his arms. And then his lips were on him, kissing him incessantly as he pushed his cock deeper, deeper. Jisung moaned into his mouth and Minho swallowed his sounds down like a shot. Their breaths mingled together and Jisung was at the point where he couldn’t determine whether the soft moans and whines he was hearing were from his own mouth or Minho’s. And before he knew it, Minho was fully seated inside of him, his hips pressed first against his ass. 

“Oh my–fuck, you feel so good around me Jisung. Hannie ,” Minho groaned against his lips. “So good, such a good boy, relaxing all nice for me.” He pulled back and oh, Jisung was going to die. He looked so pretty, cheeks and ears red, his lips cherry-tinted and spit-slicked. At that moment, he was like a god, and Jisung wanted nothing more than to worship him.

“‘M good. Feel so good inside of me,” Jisung moaned, pressing his head into the pillows so his neck arched. “‘M so full. You fill me up so well, hyung.” 

“Yeah?” Minho breathed, eyes gleaming. “Shit it’s like–it’s like you were made for me.” 

“Maybe I was,” Jisung supplied, too delirious to think about his words. The sound Minho made was akin to a growl and it made shivers travel over the expanse of Jisung’s body. 

“My Jisungie,” he mumbled, reverent. “Can I move now, jagi? Please, my pretty?” 

“Mhmm, please, need you. Need you to fu-fuck me yesterday,” he stuttered. “Wanna feel you.” 

“Fuck,” Minho moaned, and then he was pulling out, all the way, until just the tip was left inside. Jisung was only given a second before he slammed back in, punching the air out of Jisung’s lungs in the form of a choked moan. 

His thrusts were relentless, each one leaving Jisung breathless, dizzy. He cried out as Minho angled himself just right, the head of his cock brushing against his sensitive prostate. Pleasure pulsed in his tummy, so overwhelming and so good at the same time.

“Oh fuck. Oh fuck,” he cried, eyes stinging with tears again. 

“You–you look so fucking, mngh– pretty, shit, S-Sung,” Minho gritted in response. His hair was sticking to his forehead, sweat dripping down the sides of his face. A drop of it ran down and landed on Jisung’s cheek, causing his cock to jolt against his stomach, more precum beading at the tip. 

“ More, harder,” Jisung whined, his voice pathetic to his own ears. He wrapped his legs around Minho’s waist and Minho pushed forward with the extra help, practically folding him in half. The new angle had him hitting Jisung’s prostate head on, and it felt so good that tears finally spilled from Jisung’s eyes. They ran down his cheeks and spilled onto the pillow below him. Minho’s breath caught in his throat at the sight and he dropped his head between his shoulders. 

 “Are you–shit are you crying?” he asked breathlessly. Jisung whimpered. 

“Just feels–feels so good,” he sobbed. 

Minho groaned. “Fuck, you’re incredible. Taking it so well.” 

“Good? Am I good?” Jisung asked deliriously. He felt dumb, so dumb. Completely cockdrunk on Minho.

“ So good. Mm fuck. My good boy,” he praised. Jisung moaned wantonly at his words. He was so far gone. Everything was too much and simultaneously not enough. 

Minho continued fucking into him, maintaining a steady rhythm despite the fact that he was breathless and panting. Every thrust had Jisung sliding up the bed, his cock bouncing helplessly against his stomach. Even though Jisung’s stomach tensed every time he was filled up again, his body remained pliant, perfect for Minho to use how he wanted. He knew he must have looked utterly debauched to Minho with his mouth hanging open, endless moans spilling from his red-bitten lips. His makeup was probably running too. 

A hand reached between their bodies and wrapped around Jisung’s cock and he writhed. “ Nghh, Minho, Min– please, pleasepleaseplease—” he babbled, no clue at all what he was even begging for. Minho smiled crookedly above him. A drop of sweat collected at the tip of his nose. 

“Are you getting close, jagi?” Minho asked. His voice was rough and it made Jisung shudder. 

“Ye-yes,” he hiccuped. 

“Good,” Minho hummed. “You’ve been so good. You can come for me whenever you want.”

His body melted into pleasure as Minho began stroking his painfully hard cock in tandem with his thrusts. Jisung’s body was coming apart at the seams. He squirmed underneath Minho, the combined sensations of being fucked and touched almost too much–and then he was coming. He gasped and tossed his head back into the pillows as his orgasm washed over him and cum spilled all over his belly. He clenched rhythmically around Minho’s cock despite the overstimulation, pathetic whines falling from his lips. Minho groaned above him. 

“ Hng, oh my gosh, Sung-ah, you’re s-so–” was all he managed to get out. His thrusts stuttered as Jisung continued to clench around him while he rode out his orgasm. He needed to see Minho come, needed to see the expressions he made as he hit his peak. 

“Co-come inside me, pl-please,” he whimpered. He squeezed his legs around Minho’s waist and dug his heels into his lower back. “Please, wanna see you.” 

That seemed to be all the encouragement Minho needed, because all it took was a few more thrusts and he was coming too with Jisung’s name on his lips. He shoved his cock deep inside Jisung as he filled the condom and Jisung could almost imagine that it was him he was filling up instead. Minho moaned breathily as Jisung squeezed around his cock a couple times purposefully to milk him through his orgasm. The sound made Jisung’s cock twitch against his stomach even though he just came. There was no way he could get hard again so soon, but the sight and sound of Minho coming was almost enough. 

When he finished, he pulled out and tossed the condom in the trash and then let out a long exhale, collapsing onto the bed beside Jisung.  They laid there for a moment catching their breaths, the only sound in the room their gentle panting. Then Minho rolled over to face Jisung wordlessly. Jisung turned his head toward him and Minho merely blinked a few times and then his arms came around to pull him close. He maneuvered them until Jisung was on his side and they were spooning, Minho’s arms wrapped securely around his waist. His breath fanned across Jisung’s neck as he nuzzled close, and he remained silent. 

For a second Jisung thought that he was asleep, that was until he heard him take in a stuttering breath. “Minho?” he questioned softly, something twisting in his stomach at the sound. 

Minho exhaled slowly and squeezed Jisung’s waist tighter. “Please stay,” he whispered, voice small and barely audible. Seconds away from breaking. An ache spread through Jisung’s chest. He rested his hand on top of one of Minho’s and brushed his thumb over the knuckles. 

“ Jagi,” Jisung murmured. “Of course I’ll stay. I was hoping you’d ask.” He couldn’t be sure if Minho meant for just the night or forever, but he found that maybe he wanted to do both. 

“Okay,” Minho breathed, his body relaxing more behind Jisung. “I’ll drive you to your family’s in the morning. So you can spend Christmas with them.” 

“That sounds good to me. I’m glad I get to spend Christmas Eve with you.” 

Minho hummed and he could feel him smile from where he had rested against his shoulder. “Me too.” 

They continued cuddling for a few minutes afterward and then Jisung yawned loudly, triggering the same reaction from Minho. “Ugh, we should clean up,” he said. “I’d love to go to sleep now but we’re both disgusting.” 

Jisung groaned. “I don’t want to…” 

“What if we shower together?” 

At that Jisung’s eyes widened and he grinned. “Okay…maybe. But you have to carry me to the shower.” He wiggled around so that he could face Minho and gave him the biggest doe eyes he could. “ Please? I’m tired.” 

“You didn’t even do any work,” Minho responded with a scoff. But he moved to sit up anyway, pulling Jisung into his arms like a baby. Jisung giggled happily and wrapped his arms around Minho’s neck. 

“You’re the best, Minho-hyung,” he chirped. He craned his neck so he could kiss his cheek and giggled again at the sight of Minho’s ears turning red. Fuck, he really could love him again. He was afraid he already did. 

Minho set him down once they reached the bathroom and Jisung let out a squeak when he saw himself in the mirror. His cheeks were streaked with tears and lines of mascara and there were bruises littering his neck from when Minho had first started kissing him. His hair was a mess and his cheeks were still flushed even though they had rested a bit. He looked utterly fucked out.

“What?” Minho asked, cocking his head to the side. Jisung covered his face and groaned. 

“I am a mess! Why didn’t you say I looked like that?” he whined petulantly. 

Minho chuckled, shaking his head. “You look pretty. Means I fucked you like you deserved.” 

Jisung sputtered while Minho laughed at his reaction. As much as he wanted to pout though, he couldn’t keep the smile off his lips. 

Something warm bloomed in Jisung’s chest as he watched Minho prepare everything for their shower, humming to himself lightly as he grabbed an extra toothbrush from his cabinet and set it on the counter for him. The feeling quickly turned bittersweet though as he realized that in another week and a half he would be gone again. He couldn’t leave. He couldn’t. 

As soon as he was in the shower with Minho’s hands in his hair shampooing the strands with vanilla scented shampoo, his thoughts melted away. He sank back, rested his back against Minho’s chest even though the other complained that the angle made it harder for him to wash his hair. 

They traded off washing each other, managing to keep their hands from wandering for the most part, and then they walked back to bed, now clean and comfortable. Minho pulled off the top comforter out of principle and switched it for a cleaner one. He also grabbed Jisung a change of clothes and it made Jisung a little dizzy at how much they smelled like Minho and hung a little baggy on him. Minho had never been that much better than Jisung but obviously over the years he had gotten broader, while Jisung had only recently started working out regularly. Any size difference made Jisung’s heart flutter. He felt small in the best way. 

Since it wasn’t that late, they decided to turn on a cheesy Christmas movie while they cuddled under the covers. Jisung had trouble keeping his eyes open but he forced himself to stay awake, wanting the moment to last forever. Minho was completely engrossed in the movie but that didn’t stop the hand that was around Jisung from caressing him every now and then. 

By the time they finished their movie, it was a little past midnight and both of them were ready to sleep. Minho crawled under the covers first and opened his arms for Jisung to burrow in against him. Jisung released a content sigh as Minho’s arms came around to hold him. Minho kissed the top of his head, letting the kiss linger for a few seconds before he moved away. 

“Merry Christmas, sweetheart,” he mumbled against his hair. Jisung’s heart kicked in his chest and he snuggled closer. 

“Merry Christmas, Minho.”

And for the first time in a while, Jisung remembered what Christmas really felt like. Even if he would be leaving soon, this would be worth it. 

-

Minho spent as much time as he could with Jisung during the rest of his time in Korea. Jisung came to visit him in the cafe whenever he was free, and after Minho was done working, he took Jisung out as long as he wasn’t busy with his family or other friends. Jisung also came over to his apartment almost every night. They would have dinner, maybe watch a movie, and then Minho would fuck him until he was a babbling, crying mess underneath him. He felt a little bad for stealing him away from his family so much, but Jisung’s parents seemed to be quite supportive anyway, if their knowing smiles when Minho dropped Jisung off on Christmas morning were anything to go by. 

There was a level of bittersweetness to everything they did. Minho could feel it and he could tell that Jisung felt it too. They were in a bubble, but it wouldn’t be long before reality came crashing down on them and they had to face the fact that Jisung would have to go back to America and they wouldn’t be together. Minho was doing his best to accept it, but it was harder than he could have imagined. He didn’t want to let Jisung go, not when he had just barely gotten him back. 

There was a chance they could do long distance, now that they were older and more mature. But their relationship was still in such a fragile stage that Minho worried the distance would rip them apart again. He couldn’t handle that. 

What made it worse was that Jisung didn’t seem to want to leave either. Minho could see it in his eyes, in the way that he looked at him. He knew it would be hard for them both and that somehow made it worse. Maybe if he knew that Jisung wasn’t feeling the same things he was feeling, and wasn’t falling for him again too, then it would be easier. He could tell himself that it wasn’t meant to be and he shouldn’t waste his time on someone who didn’t even like him the same way. But Jisung did. He could see that now, especially after they spent Christmas Eve together. Minho was losing him all over again and he didn’t know whether he would ever get him back. What if they really did end up getting torn apart again and Jisung chose to never come back to South Korea? How would Minho survive? 

It was New Years Eve when it all came to a head. Minho was with Jisung at a small party hosted by Felix, who had invited them and a few other friends, two of which Minho only had heard of named Seungmin and Jeongin, and one who he learned Jisung had been friends with for a while, who he learned was called Hyunjin. Jisung was lamenting the fact that his friends from America, Changbin and Chan, couldn’t be there to go into the New Year with them, and wouldn’t even be experiencing the New Year for fourteen more hours. At that moment, realization hit Minho like a truck and the drinks he’d had turned sour in his stomach, making him sick. There was no way he could do that. 

He excused himself from the conversation and made his way outside so he could stand in the cold air. Perhaps knock some sense into himself. He took a few deep breaths, trying to calm his racing heart and ease the mess in his stomach so he wouldn’t actually get sick. “Fuck,” he mumbled, running a hand through his hair. Why couldn’t life just be simple? 

After about a minute of alone time, the door opened followed by a quiet, “Minho-hyung?” 

Minho spun around and his eyes met Jisung’s. A lump caught in his throat and he desperately tried to swallow it down. “Hey,” he croaked weakly. 

“Is everything alright?” he asked. “You just…left.” His voice held a vulnerability to it that hurt Minho’s heart. He quickly stepped forward and grabbed Jisung’s hand to intertwine their fingers. 

“I’m sorry, jagi,” he said, giving Jisung’s hand a squeeze. That was a new development too since they had spent Christmas Eve together. Jisung seemed to like getting called that and Minho liked calling him that. It was normal for them when they were younger and it felt the same even now. “I just…” He swallowed thickly, the lump crawling back up his throat. “I don’t–” his voice began to crack and he took a deep breath. “I’m not good with words.” 

“That’s okay, take your time,” Jisung urged. He gave Minho a reassuring squeeze of his hand and that gave him the courage to continue. 

“I don’t know what I’m going to do,” he began. “I’ve missed you so much. And I’ve loved spending this time with you. More than…more than you even know. And that’s why–that’s why it hurts so fucking much, Hannie. I don’t know what I’m gonna do when you’re gone. I’m–I’m falling in love with you all over again and I can’t lose you again. I don’t want you to go but I can’t make you stay—” 

Minho was cut off when Jisung engulfed him in a hug, holding him so tight he almost struggled to take a deep breath. Jisung’s voice came out muffled from where his face was buried into Minho’s shoulder. “I don’t want to lose you either. I don’t. I’ll figure something out, I promise. But we can make it work. Please, let’s try to make it work.” 

Jisung sniffled and his body shook a little and that’s when Minho realized Jisung had started crying. “Oh no, baby, please don’t cry. Fuck, you’ll make me cry. I hate crying, you’ve already seen me cry too much,” he said with a watery laugh. 

“I just don’t want you to leave me. You don’t–I know I left before, but I’m not gonna leave you. I know it’ll be hard.” He lifted his head and moved back enough so that he could make eye contact with Minho. His watery eyes made Minho’s heart clench. He cupped Jisung’s cheek to wipe his tears and Jisung let him. “But can we please try? I promise I’ll do everything to make it work. I’ll visit as often as I can.” 

The promise did ease Minho’s fears but they were still there, sharp and biting. “I just don’t know how…it’s so far,” Minho lamented. “What if…what if you decide it's too much? Or if you decide you want someone else over in America? We’re still…we’ve barely even restarted our relationship. And I know how I feel but I don’t…” 

“I’m falling for you again too, Minho,” Jisung said firmly. “I might…I might already be there. I know it’s fast, but I already loved you in the past. I can love you again. We’re grown up now. I’m–I’m scared too, you know? Cause what if you find someone here? What if you change your mind?” Minho wanted to say that he would never do that, that he could never, but then he realized he would have to apply the same logic to his own thoughts. “But that doesn’t–that doesn’t matter enough for me to not hope.”

Minho nodded and Jisung took a deep breath. “If you…if you really don’t want to try then I understand. I know I may have seemed more chill about this whole thing but…I really think you’re it for me. Why else would we have met up again all these years later?” he asked. 

“You’re right. And I want you to be it for me too. I don’t think I ever fully let you go.” Minho swallowed. He couldn’t let his worries stop him from having Jisung back. He had let his fears stop him in the past, and maybe that was why he was having these issues now. It was probably good for them that they ended things, too young to properly navigate something as complicated as a long distance relationship. But maybe he could do it. For Jisung. For them. 

“I’ll try,” he said finally. “I want to try. So so bad. I’m just scared.” 

“Me too,” Jisung admitted shyly. “Like, really fucking scared. But we’ll be doing it together, right?” He smiled up at him and squeezed his hand. Minho couldn’t help smiling back. 

“You’re right. Together,” he agreed. Jisung’s smile grew wider and he bounced on his heels. 

“See? Now let’s go back inside. I don’t want to miss our midnight kiss. And it’s so cold. What were you thinking, coming out here by yourself anyway, Minho-yah? Trying to get sick,” he grumbled under his breath, making Minho laugh as he dragged him inside. It amazed him how easily Jisung was able to make him feel better. Maybe it was a sign that things would be okay. 

As they counted down the seconds to midnight, eyes locked together as they waited for the clock to hit 00:00, Minho felt it. Like sparks spreading through his chest. A flame igniting, taking over his body. And when Jisung kissed him, smiling so much against his lips that it practically couldn’t even count as a real kiss, and he tasted the decaf candy cane mocha he’d forced Minho to make him to help him sober up, he knew. It would be okay. 

[sparklingchan]

Echoes|| Hwang Hyunjin (Stray Kids)

Pairing: Reader(fem.) X Hyunjin

Word count : 5.8K+

Warnings : Blood, death, weapons, fire.

Genre : Romance, time-travel AU, royal AU, suggestive, mentions of death

Description: One day, you’re a college student, barely making it through your finals. And the next, you wake up in a palace, married to the most beautiful man on earth. What the hell is happening?!

A/N : HELLO MY TUMBLR FAM! I know its been way toooo long. And I’ll be honest, I missed everyone and I missed writing more than anything. I’ll try to post regularly and I hope my stories reach out to you as much as they did before.

Also, in other news, if this story gets a good response then imma write a mini series of royal stories for the other members as well(the stories will not be interrelated tho)

I hope y’all like this! I put my heart and soul into it!

You're not sure if you're awake anymore or just a frozen sack of meat staring at a painting like your life depended on it.

"See? I told you, y/n! She looks like you." Your friend, Lia squeals excitedly. You wish you could share even half of her enthusiasm.

You knew this trip to the museum was a bad idea the moment you got on the bus. This entire trip has just not been clicking with you the way you'd expected it to.

You were always a history lover, though. You'd read pages and pages about kings and queens and ancient politics and everything along those lines. This trip was supposed to be equally enlightening but you'd spent the entire day trying shake off an odd, eerie feeling that seems to have latched on to your back.

"Yeah.." you mutter to Lia.

Your eyes run along every single stroke of the painter's brush. The red hues of the curtains, the golden shine of the crowns, the green frills on the Prince's overcoat and the brown contour of the Princess's face.

The face that somehow mirrored yours.

"Maybe she's a far, far ancestor of yours?" Lia suggests, "Who knows, y/n!"

There's no way a Princess from the 1800s could be your ancestor; you'd know if you had even a bit of royal blood coursing through your veins.

And in that one possibility out a million, even if you did have a royal ancestor, there's no way she'd look exactly like you. No way.

"Or it could be your past life, y/n." Lia's voice goes into a whisper, her eyes widening behind her square rimmed glasses, "Maybe you were the princess."

You only sigh in response.

You walk closer to read the placard placed near the foot of the painting.

Hwang Yeji

Painter, 1795-1856.

Portrait of His Royal Highness Prince Hwang Hyunjin and the Royal consort

1827

Oil on canvas

Her Royal Highness princess Hwang Yeji was born in 1795 to His majesty King Chung and the royal consort Her Majesty Queen Sayuu of the then kingdom of Clé. She also has a twin brother, Prince Hwang Hyunjin who is believed to be older than her by a few minutes.

“It is said that the Crown Prince and Princess have had quite a tragic story, and Princess Yeji had gathered strentgh to complete this painting a long time after her brother and sister in law were tragically killed.” Lia reads out the rest of the sentences.

"I'm taking a picture, oh God! This is so fucking awesome." Lia fishes out her phone and starts clicking pictures of the painting, muttering how the similarity between these you and the Royal Consort is giving her goosebumps, "Should I make a video too?"

Her voice drains out into the background as a throbbing pain spreads across your head and eyes and you see odd flashes like the scenes of a movie playing without any particular order; castles, ball dances, a crown colored in blood and a boy wounded in your arms.

An unexplainable force pushes you closer to the painting and the moment your fingers touch the rough wooden frame, your headache stops.

"Y/n, you're not allowed to touch the pai-"

Lia's voice gets quieter and quieter till your vision goes black and your body goes limp.

*

When your eyes flutter open after god knows how long, you find yourself in a rather unexpected place.

The room is bright. Too bright for your liking. Yet the sparkling white marble of the walls and floor look beautiful against the dark brown vintage furniture of the room.

You stir against the feather soft mattress of the bed when a concerned voice calls you from across the room.

"Oh my darling! You're awake!" The voice is gentle, "We were so worried about you, y/n."

Your vision is still hazy but you see the figure of a lady walking toward you.

"Um, where am I?" You ask, rubbing your temples.

Until a while ago, there was unbearable pain but now you feel fine.

"Oh dear," the lady sits at the foot of your bed, "You're home. Do you not remember?"

Home? Since when did home go from a 3 BHK apartment in the heart of the city to this huge, fancy room?

"There..there has been some kind of mistake, ma'am."

When you try to sit up, she pushes you back down. Gentle but insistent.

"Dear, you need to rest. The physician will be here in the evening and I am to stay here with you until Hyunjin arrives, okay?"

She smiles at you and finally, you are able to take a closer look at the woman. Her hair is graying but long, a silver crown rests on her head gracefully and she wears the most beautiful silk gown you'd ever seen. Her face is wrinkled yet when she smiles, one can tell that she must have been quite a beauty back in the day.

"W-who might you be, ma'am?" You ask, nervous, heartbeat in your throat.

You were excited when you saw the fancy room earlier but now it's getting real creepy. Why is this random woman talking to you as if she knows you?

"Oh, dear, y/n," She places a hand on your forehead, and you flinch, "I'm your mother in law. Queen Sayyu. Do you really not remember?"

Your breath gets caught in your throat.

Queen Sayyu. You'd heard that name before. That painting in that museum you were in. Lia was right beside you. What the fuck happened after that?

"I think you're mistaken, ma'am. I am a student. I cannot be married." You mutter, "Did you find my phone when I was brought here? I could call my friend. She must be around." Because there's no way Lia would leave you alone with this creepy old lady with some serious personal issues, right?

But then again, Queen Sayyu was a real person. And for all you know, her daughter in law did resemble you.

Did you perhaps travel back in time? Or was it just your brain making you see weird things?

"Phone? What's that?" She asks.

You sigh, and tap your thighs where your pant pockets once resided but now, your fingers slide across the softest silk.

"Where are my clothes?" You jump out of the bed, getting worried by the second.

Why were you dressed in a blue silk gown? You don't even remember ever buying one.

Panic seizes you when Sayyu tries to touch you, "Ma'am, would you please tell me what’s going on? I'm genuinely confused!"

"I am telling you the truth! You, y/n Princess of The Northern Kingdom was married off to my son Hwang Hyunjin a few months back. " she sucks in a deep breath, "Did you perhaps lose your memories after the accident? Did you hit your head too hard?"

You are about to open your mouth to reply when you hear a gentle knock on the door.

"Y/n, it's Hyunjin. "

Sayyu passes you a worried look before she rushes off to let her son in.

"It's worse than I thought, " you hear her whisper as the front door opens, "She has amnesia!"

You sit on the edge of the bed, running a frustrated hand through your hair.

As if the mother wasn't enough, the son is here too. Brilliant.

"Please talk to her. She is saying peculiar things like some thing called phones and some girl called Lia and she kept asking who I was!" Sayyu continues whispering to Hyunjin, with no active reaction from the latter.

You wonder if Sayyu was really stupid enough to think you couldn't hear her.

"I'll talk to her." A male voice finally replies, "You should rest, mother. You've been here all day."

For some reason, you cannot bring yourself to have a look at your supposed husband.

You have a fleeting memory of the painting you'd seen back at the museum but you weren't sure if the Prince really did look as attractive in real life.

You hear the front door open and close, and then heavy footsteps approach you.

"Is this some new plan of yours? Trying to get attention again?"

Wow. What the actual hell!

You snap your head to look at him, "Excuse me?"

But oh, boy was he beautiful. Long blonde hair, golden eyes and blue silk robes, he carried it all so elegantly.

"Y/n, please. I know you didn't actually lose your memories. So stop pretending and tell me why you are doing it."

For a second, you almost feel bad for yourself.

Well not you you but the princess you.

It must have been hard marrying someone like this. But then again, good looks hardly ever guarantee good behavior.

"I am not pretending. I genuinely do not remember anything, Hyunjin! Why do you have to be so mean?"

"If you really do not remember anything then why are fighting with me like you do always! See, I was right. You are lying."

You clench your jaw, frustrated, " I am fighting because whether I remember you or not, you're still a piece of shit!"

Hyunjin's eyes widen in shock. Of course he never expected his graceful wife to ever use such profanities. He looks betrayed.

"Now get the hell out of my room."

You climb back into the bed, cover your head with the quilt and shut your eyes.

Before you know it, you are sleeping soundly with no idea that your poor husband is spending the night on the sofa in your room

*

The next morning, you are woken up by your maids followed by the most delicious breakfast ever.

They prepare a bath for you, chose a gorgeous gown from the closet, and even style your hair. You do not even have to lift a finger to get these things done.

And all of a sudden, your odd reality doesn't feel as horrible anymore.

You remember the placard placed near that painting, and all your fears vanish. It was written that Prince Hyunjin and his wife would be killed in a few years and you are positive that when you die in this world, you will wake up in your original world.

Yes, the dying part is scary but might as well enjoy the luxury that comes with the fear.

In the afternoon, you find yourself sipping tea and breathing the fresh air of the rose garden behind your palace quarters.

"So you are...Nabi. My lady in waiting?"

Nabi is a cheerful, smiley young woman. She also seems to be closer to the princess version of yourself than most other maids.

"Yes, your Highness, " she sighs sadly, "It breaks my heart to see you like this. Do you really not remember anything?"

"Um, I remember some things. Like the king's and queen's name and princess Yeji. I also know that I am from the Northern Kingdom."

You also know that you'd die in around two years and Hyunjin's sister will make a painting to let the world know what a tragic story you had, but you decide to not say that.

Nabi pouts, "I'm sorry, your Highness. I wish I were there when you fainted. Maybe I could have helped you."

You tap your fingers against the porcelain cup in your hand, "Could you tell me exactly what had happened that day? Did I fall down? Or something else happened?"

"Oh, you didn't fall, no," she chuckles, "All the women of the Royal family were invited to this art gallery. While looking through some paintings, you suddenly fainted. We brought you back immediately."

"The physician check you and confirmed that you weren't pregnant, much to the Queen's dismay. She was looking forward to becoming a grandmother."

You almost spit the tea out, "What! Where did that even come from?"

Nabi smiles, "Well, why else would a newlywed bride faint? Anyway, I knew you weren't pregnant. You'd told me the prince and you haven't done that, you know."

Wow. The princess 'you' really told this girl way more than needed.

"And why exactly did I say we hadn't fu- I mean done that yet?" And now you were asking more than necessary.

"Because he's cold to you." She says, "But you know, even when you told me that, I knew he loved you and only you. He has never been involved with another and I saw him keep a portrait of yours in his private study room."

You are at a loss of words. How does one even react to this kind of information? Should you be happy for the princess 'you' or should you be jealous of her?

You force a smile, "How exactly did you find out about the portrait?"

"What portrait?" A male voice says from somewhere behind you.

Nabi and the other maids quickly get on their feet and greet their prince as this ethereal man walks out from behind the tall bushes.

"Hm? What are you guys talking about?" He asks, a gentle smile on his lips.

Oh so now he smiles?

"Just palace gossip." Nabi says, her gaze low.

"Is it true, my princess?" Hyunjin walks toward you and takes your hand in his, pressing his lips gently to your fingers.

You hate the way your cheeks heat up at the contact.

"Y-yeah. Obviously." You say.

He smiles widely, wrapping an arm around your shoulders, "Could you ladies please excuse us?"

When Nabi and the maids leave, you find yourself alone with the prince again and you're not sure how you feel about that.

Last night, he was so mean to you and now he's acting like a lovestruck man? What is the meaning of this?

You push him away, "What?"

He sighs.

Today, his blonde hair is tied half way up, and he wears a diamond crown. He looks more sophisticated from last night. More prince-like.

"What?" You demand again.

"Look, I'm sorry about yesterday, okay? I'm still not convinced that you've lost your memories but can we put this behind us for a while?" He says, "Can you come with me to the study room? I have to show you something."

You follow him without question.

The palace complex is still a maze to you and other than your living quarters, you don't know much about the rest of the palace.

He leads you through a staircase to a huge room on the top floor of one of the buildings. Or was it the main palace where the king and queen resided? You weren't sure anymore.

"Yeji was very worried to hear about your amnesia, by the way." Hyunjin mutters as he lights the candles in the room, "She'll be back by next summer."

"Where has she gone?" You say, mindlessly staring at the huge collections of books in this place. A huge chandelier hangs from the center of the room and as the Hyunjin continues to light numerous candles and lanterns around the room, your eyes finally take in the whole picture of the room. For a second, you almost felt like you were watching a Renaissance period drama.

Hyunjin stops in his tracks, "y/n, do you really not know?"

He turns around and looks at you strangely, as if expecting your eyes to give away the truth of this supposed amnesia.

And when he sighs, you know that he didn't find what he desired.

"She's training under a really famous dance academy. If she's lucky, she might be able to clear her final year dance exams this year." He says.

You want to ask him if art doesn't interest her but that might make him doubt you again. You cannot afford to do that when Hyunjin is the only person here who you trust even slightly.

Nabi is honest and Sayyu is kind but you find it hard to match their energy.

"So what did you want to sho-" You stop mid sentence when your eyes fall on a huge painting behind Hyunjin's study table.

Your painting.

"It's me", you gasp, "It's..my portrait."

"Yeah. I just finished it today, actually." He rubs the back of his neck, "I'll hang it in your room once the paint dries."

In the painting, you are sitting on a chair, dressed in the finest white dress you'd ever seen. An elegant tiara sits on the crown of your head, and your lips are stretched into a smile.

"Hyunjin..." you are at a loss of words.

Nabi was right; Hyunjin did have a portrait of you in his study. What she didn't know is that he was the one who made the painting while all this while you were under the impression that Yeji was the artist in the family.

"It's good right?" He asks, unsure.

"Yes. I love it," you reply, "When is this image from?"

Hyunjin frowns at your words, again scanning your eyes as if looking for some hint of lies in your words.

"Y-you don't remember?" He asks.

"What?"

He sighs, looking rather disappointed, "It's from our wedding, y/n."

*

Hyunjin is starting to wonder if you'd actually lost your memories.

The next few days, he tries to subtly engage you in conversations regarding your wedding day and your life before getting married and by the time the week ends, he is sure you'd lost your memories.

He hated to admit it, but he did like the fact that you couldn't remember the times when he was so horrible to you.

Now he can start anew. A clean slate.

"You've been spending suspiciously a lot of time with me, Hyunjin." You had asked him one evening, munching up a cookie, "What's up?"

He chuckles; he's come to enjoy this new side of yours. It's a completely different version of your other self- the one who grew up training to be the lady of a house.

"Nothing," he grabs a cookie for himself, "We're having a ball this evening, by the way. It's mother and father's 30th anniversary."

Your eyes widen with excitement, "Really?! We're having a ball ball. Like we wear dresses and all? And we dance under a huge chandelier?"

Hyunjin is taken aback; you used to hate balls. Or any public gathering for that matter.

"Y-eah, well. Yes." He gulps.

"Oh my god. I need to talk to Nabi. I have so much to prepare, oh my god. Why are you only just telling me," you grab another cookie and sprint towards your room, "Also will there be a fountain where wine flows instead of water? That would be so cool!"

Hyunjin gives you a soft smile; no such fountain was planned for the ball but if it meant he'd see you this excited, he could pull a few strings.

*

The rest of the hours leading upto the ball is a blur; you only remember running from the dressing room to the ball room to your bedroom and back to the dressing room and as for Hyunjin, the day goes slower than ever.

He only got to see flashing glimpses of you running from place to place and somewhere, deep down in his heart, he missed your attention.

It was a jarring realization; him enjoying your company and attention and even craving it at times. He couldn't quite digest this unfamiliar feeling yet, he realised, he wasn't unwelcome to it.

"Are you ready? They're waiting for the Prince and Princess, y/n. We don't want the Royal families of other kingdoms thinking we were out doing something unholy now, would we?"

Hyunjin has this mischievous smile on his, leaning against the door Frame of your dressing room.

Is he flirting? You wonder.

You sigh, "I don't think I look good enough, Hyunjin. I look..weird."

You run a hand over the lustrous material of your ball gown. You feel very foreign in your body all of a sudden.

"I don't think so, my lady," Hyunjin steps into the room, a hand gentle on your waist, "I think you look breathtaking. What would you say, Nabi?"

Nabi hides a blush while you stare at your husband; wide eyed and mouth gaping.

What has gotten into him lately? Is he trying to annoy you or are these words coming from somewhere else?

You shake the latter thought away from your mind. How could this beautiful Prince from centuries before your time find you breathtaking?

Impossible.

You swallow your nervousness and turn on your heels.

"If you say so," you shrug, "Let's go, come on, Hyunjin. "

Chuckling softly to himself, Hyunjin follows suit.

The evening is great but you don't remember much by the time it ends; you somehow end up getting drunk on wine from the wine fountain and Hyunjin has to subtly carry you away from the ball room.

"Hyunjin ~" you slur as he covers your body with a duvet, "Do you ever wonder if a parallel universe exists?"

He lies down beside you, sighing, "Maybe. Why do you ask?"

"I know it exists. I am living proof that it exists, you know," you say, passionately, "I'm not bluffing."

Hyunjin laughs, " Of course, you're not. How could you lie?"

He pushes strands of hair behind your ear.

Your heart thumps against your chest; you love that feeling.

"If there was a parallel universe, I hope I end up with you." You giggle, snuggling into his chest.

Hyunjin freezes for a moment, breath stuck in his throat and eyes not even blinking.

But when he feels you relaxing into him, he let's his shoulders slouch.

"If there was a parallel universe, I hope I end up with you too."

The only reply he gets from you is a snore.

*

The next few months are smooth as the calm sea, pleasant as the spring wind, beautiful like the blooming of roses.

You'd come to adore Hyunjin- that was for sure. You'd come to love his presence and crave it everytime you guys were apart. He had become like the anchor to your ship; and you, his.

"Yeji's coming home tomorrow, by the way. How much do you remember of her?"

"Just her face," and the fact that when you're both killed brutally one day, she'd make a painting of you two, immortalising your love.

The thought causes your stomach to stir; you didn't want to go back to the reality you knew.

All of a sudden, you find yourself wishing you had more time with this man- this man who loved nothing more than lying in your arms, your naked bodies as close as one could get, this man who had made you feel safe when you were suddenly sucked into this unknown world, this man who loved you to death and beyond.

Hyunjin snuggles in closer(as if he could get any closer) and kisses your temple oh so tenderly. Then he moves to your cheek, then nose and then mouth.

His lips are plump and warm and inviting, and before you know it, you both find yourself falling into the wonderful ocean of pleasure. Over and over again.

The next day when Yeji arrives, you are skeptical about approaching her but she was more than happy to see you. Before the day ended, she'd already invited you to a tea party in the gardens, and by the week ended, you guys had become great friends.

She was just so comfortable to talk to and so friendly. She was so curious yet sweet. How could you not be her friend, you often wondered.

It was on one such afternoon picnic that Nabi came running to you.

"His Majesty is injured! He was attacked during his hunt."

You didn't waste a second before storming off towards his room, not caring for your supposed lady etiquette anymore.

No God, please, not yet.

You reach your bedroom, out of breath and sweaty, and Hyunjin was sitting at the edge of the bed, getting his wounds cleaned.

Your heart drops into your stomach.

There is a big gash on his arm; bleeding profusely even though the physicians were trying to stop it. There are blue and purple all over his face and stomach, and a few more smaller cuts on his entire body.

And he looked terrified and pale and sad.

"Hyunjin..." you run to him.

He looks up at you, teary eyed.

"Y/n...I'm okay." Is his first instinct, "Don't cry."

You sit beside him and press a long kiss to his temple, your heart feeling lighter when the physician signals to you that the bleeding has stopped.

"Who was it?" You ask

Yeji stands in front of the two of you; tears streaming down her face.

"Whoever it was, I'll kill them with my own two hands, goddammit!"

"Calm down, guys." Hyunjin sighs, "I didn't see a face. But they were wearing a very familiar perfume. I wonder who it could have been."

You swallow nervously, "Just..just stay safe okay?"

Hyunjin smiles at you, "Of course, my love."

An odd mixture of expressions grace Yeji's face.

*

While Hyunjin recovers, you make sure he does not step out of the palace unaccompanied.

You're getting his food tested, his room sanitized, and every gift that he receives has to go through multiple rounds of security checks. You know what is to come, but some silly, silly part of you wants to prevent it.

"You're being a little too paranoid, I think." Hyunjin tells you as the servants set up the dinner table for him, "I'm gonna be fine, y/n."

"Hyunjin, just," you sigh, reminding yourself to be patient with him, "Just please let me do what I'm doing. It helps me sleep at night."

With a gentle wave of his wrist, Hyunjin dismisses the servants.

He grabs your hand and pulls you in to sit on his lap.

"Y/n, I'm literally right here. I'm stronger than you think. I'm not planning on leaving you any time soon." He presses a kiss to your temple.

A wave of realization washes over you, and you find yourself tearing up, melting into his embrace.

How did you even come to love this man that you'd only ever heard of in history books? Was this even real? If you pinch yourself hard enough, would you wake up to a world where Hyunjin is not yours anymore?

"Just shut up, goddammit, " you say to him, "Hold me, please."

You say it like a request, but really, you were begging him to hold you. To make you feel safe, even if it's for a short while. Because for all you know, the end could be closer than expected.

That night, you and Hyunjin fall asleep in each other's embrace. There was nothing more pure, raw, or beautiful than what you felt with him. In a span of a few months, you'd fallen madly in love with the prince.

It's funny, huh, how you never found love back in the modern world yet here you were, sharing your whole heart with Hyunjin?

Maybe it was always meant to be like that and maybe when this beautiful daydream ends someday, you could look back at it and relish these memories.

"Y/n, get up." You're pulled out of your sleepy thoughts when you feel someone tap you on the shoulder. Urgent.

"Nabi? What time is it?" You whisper back, gently putting Hyunjin's head of the pillow, "What's happened?"

Nabi shakes her head, "The Royal investigators have got some news. A possible group of assassins is heading to the palace as we speak. My lady, we must rush you to safety immediately. The soldiers will escort the Prince."

Your heart hammers against your chest.

"I-I can't leave him. He's not recovered yet. He cannot fight!"

"Your majesty, please. I beg you," Nabi replies, "These are the orders of The Queen. I have to escort you to where the ladies are. "

With a tight throat, you quietly follow Nabi out of the room.

She leads you down through a secret tunnel between Your Palace and The King's, that leads to a dark corridor with a single metal door at the end.

"This way, your majesty. The princess and the queen are inside. I'll bring you news from to time so there's nothing to worry about." Nabi says as she unlocks the door from the outside. She passes the lantern to you.

The moment you step into the dark room inside, you hear a loud bang. You turn around in horror only to find the door closed in your face and Nabi gone.

"N-nabi?" You murmur nervously, "Why did you close the door?"

From inside the room, you hear a faint chuckle.

"She's gone, y/n. Left us to rot in this dungeon forever. "

"Yeji?"

You jog towards the tired, lifeless voice.

And when you reach the princess, what your lantern shows you horrifies you to the core.

"Your majesty!" You fall on your knees, grabbing the lifeless body of a once beautiful Queen who you'd come to adore over the years, "W-what happened?"

You're crying now; watching the princess caress her mother's cold face.

You're sobbing; watching the bloody hands of the daughter who tried to stop her mother from bleeding to death.

"Nabi is..", Yeji swallows, "She's a part of the resistance that wants to overthrow the monarchy. They want a military ruled government. It was her doing. On the day Hyunjin was attacked, I knew it was her."

You cry harder, moaning into your hands.

How could she?

"And I too, am at fault here. I made the mistake of befriending her so so many years ago," Yeji continues, "I paved her way into the palace. I'm as much as of a criminal as her."

You clear your throat, rubbing the tears off your cheeks and neck, another sob bubbling within your chest.

"We do not have time to repent things we had no control over," you say, "The Queen Mother is gone but we can still save your father and Hyunjin. "

"They've taken father to their military fortress. " Yeji says, her tone suggesting she's given up all her hopes. "He's as good as dead. "

"Then we save my husband."

"Y/n, how will we-"

"I saw the key. When Nabi unlocked the door, I saw the key."

"What about it?" Yeji asks, shifting.

"It doesn't have a key. It only has a numerical lock code."

Yeji lifts an eyebrow, as if to ask you "So?"

"It was 0143."

*

Leaving the Queen Mother's body behind, you and Yeji rush out of the door, grabbing every knife, sword, and other sharp object you could find in the dungeon.

"I think she must have taken Hyunjin hostage," Yeji says, rubbing the sweat off her forehead. "But since he cannot fight that well because of his wounds, they're probably interrogating him in your bedroom. "

"Interrogating him for what?"

"The keys to the Royal armory and the king's safe of gold."

Sure enough, you find Hyunjin in your bedroom. Except it wasn't your Hyunjin, it was a replica of

Queen Sayyu. Blood and blood and blood everywhere on his body. His eyes barely open but his hands, they pointed at you as you rushed in.

"Hyunjin!" You cried, kneeling by the bed side floor, "Hyunjin, please, hold on."

The room was empty except for the three of you. The furniture was broken and burnt and cupboards were clearly forced open.

"Did you give them the keys?" Yeji asks him, sobbing, "Mother died to protect those keys."

He coughs and leans into you, "I've alarmed the military. They are on their way."

"The rebels will be coming back too." He coughs again, "The keys are behind the painting in my study. Save them Yeji, run, now."

Yeji steadies herself as she gets up, "Come on, y/n. He said they might come back. "

Oh, but how could you? How could you leave the love of your life to bleed to his death alone while you escaped?

Moreover, this was the tragic end of your daydream, wasn't it? Dying together while Yeji survives and continues to rule the country.

"Go, Yeji, " you tell her, over the noise of the blood coursing through your ears, you hear footsteps, "Now!"

Yeji is a smart girl, you realize. With a hand over her mouth to suppress her sobs, she runs out of the room, without turning back even once.

When she is out of sight, Hyunjin fumbles to find your hand in the darkness. He's cold and stiff.

"If I disappear today, promise me you will find me. Promise me, please y/n." He manages to say.

You kiss his hand softly as the footsteps get closer, tears streaming down your face.

"I will find you. In every universe, in every timeline. I will find you, my love. " you say as you find a metallic taste in your tears and your vision goes black.

*

After what feels like a millennia, the darkness around you is finally replaced by a bright light.

It is too bright, but when you see a familiar face, your discomfort vanishes.

"Lia!" You throw yourself onto your napping friend, "Lia! Oh, I'm so happy to see you."

Lia though surprised at your outburst, returns your embrace with equal enthusiasm.

"I missed you too, y/n." She says, "I didn't know that picture would have such an impact on you. I was so scared when you passed out!"

Picture? What picture?

And suddenly, all the memories play in your mind like an old film. It's hazy, but you know what's going on.

You see blood, a crown, burning curtains, and..a blonde prince.

Hwang Hyunjin.

"Lia..", you sigh, your heart aching terribly, "How long have I been out?"

"Like around 36 hours or so. I don't remember. "She replies.

36 hours in this world and you'd already spent a lifetime in another. How utterly tragic.

"Y/n, what's wrong? You're tearing up." Lia says, offering you a tissue, "Are you in pain?"

You sigh, "Yes. I am in extreme pain, Lia. How could life have been so, so unfair to us?"

Lia gives you a confused nod, not really sure what had exactly led you to believe that life had been unfair to you.

"Y/n, what-"

Lia is cut off by a knock on the door.

"Ah. That must be the doctor." Lia jogs towards the door, "Just a second, Dr. Seo!"

"Um, hello," the doctor greets, "Dr. Seo is in urgent surgery. He sent me in his place to check on the patient. "

When the doctor steps in closer, your breathing gets stuck in your throat.

Of course, you know this man. How could you not?

You'd died with him in another world, in another time, in another life.

You'd loved him.

"I'm Dr. Hwang, Miss Y/n." The doctor says, a familiar expression on his face. He looks rather delighted to see you.

"I feel like I've seen you somewhere before." He chuckles to himself as he sits on the chair by your hospital bed.

"Yes, me too." These are the only words you manage to say.