#stupid hair related pet peeves of mine

[gaycousinlarry]

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[acousticcheeze]

Here's my 100 questions for my OC thing!

My OC is Laureli, a 6'2 Altmer trying to make his way in Skyrim

1. What do they smell like?

Whatever alchemy ingredient he’s been working with, really. Lavender is what he smells like most often, though.

2. What is their voice like?

A smooth-ish medium pitch Altmer voice that has elements of calm and irritation.

3. What is their biggest motivator?

Helping others through his alchemy. He wants to improve medicine for Skyrim, as well as all of Tamriel.

4. What is their most embarrassing memory?

He had a whole scientific presentation one year that ended up being completely wrong. He got humiliated in front of everyone.

5. How do they deal with/react to pain?

Winces at it, curses, and then gets to treating the problem.

6. What do they like to wear?

Functional clothes that keep him warm and allow him to carry alchemy ingredients in his pockets.

7. Which of their relationships have impacted them most positively?

The relationships with some of the people he’s helped over the years. It gave him a sense of purpose and fulfillment knowing that he could help people, save people.

8. What’s the weirdest thing they’ve ever eaten?

He’s an alchemist...in Skyrim...I’m pretty sure there are a few contenders… (giants toe, large/small antlers, ectoplasm, the list goes on)

9. Describe the way that they sleep.

Normal side sleeper. Prefers to sleep on his left side.

10. What is their favorite food/kind of food?

Horker stew. It’s actually way better than he thought it would be.

11. What do they feel most insecure about?

If what he’s doing is good enough. He has big problems with perfectionism that still persist with him even after leaving Summerset.

12. How do they like to dress?

Robes with an alchemy enchantment and a hood.

13. How do they react to feelings of guilt?

He tries to shake them off, but has panic attacks and whatnot sometimes as a result of them.

14. How do they react to/deal with betrayal?

Is completely shattered by it. He’s dealt with this so many times before, though, so he keeps his cards close to his chest.

15. What is their greatest achievement?

Creating potions that help much more than the average cure disease potion would, as well as all sorts of other concoctions. Also, he’s created a sort of disinfectant and is working on a hand sanitizer.

16. What are they like when they’ve gotten too little sleep?

Cranky, cranky, cranky.

17. What are they like when they’re drunk?

Drunk? Oh no no no no Laureli does not drink (and even if he did he’d be out real quick)

18. What kind of music do they enjoy?

He isn’t really into music, but he enjoys the songs the bard plays at the Bannered Mare.

19. Are they right or left handed?

Right, but is practicing with his left hand too in case something happens to his right.

20. Fears?

Death and failure, mostly.

21. Favorite kind of weather?

As the sun rises and there’s dew all over the grass, the light reflecting through each drop.

22. Favorite color?

The color of eyes. Or, more specifically, the hundreds of little pinpricks of different colors inside of eyes, It’s really quite fascinating.

23. Do they collect anything?

OH YEAH. So many different alchemy ingredients and random stuff to be used in his next works-

24. Do they prefer either hot or cold weather more?

Cold, which is good since he lives in Skyrim.

25. What is their eye color?

Chartreuse (like most Altmer)

26. What is their race/ethnicity?

Altmer

27. Hair color?

White

28. Are they happy where they are currently?

Yup. Breezehome is small, but manageable, and Whiterun is a decent hold to live in.

29. Are they a morning person?

Yes. He gets tired around 9 and can’t stay up past 12.

30. Sunrise or sunset?

Sunrise.

31. Are they more messy or more organized?

Very organized. Again, he’s a perfectionist.

32. Pet peeves?

People touching his things as well as people inserting themselves into his business.

33. Do they own any objects of significant personal importance?

An amulet of Talos a Nord gave him. He hadn’t gotten the chance to learn much about Talos at home, and he found it very interesting talking to the local Nords about their beliefs. That amulet reminds him of his first day in Skyrim, the first day of his new life.

34. Least favorite food?

Taffy treats, or anything with that sort of texture and stickiness that can get stuck to his teeth very easily.

35. Least favorite color?

Very pale green. It looks gross.

36. Least favorite smell?

Death. (Yes, death has a smell)

37. When was the last time they cried?

Recently.

38. Were they with anybody the last time they cried?

No. Oh Auri-el, no no no no. He cries alone and he makes sure of it.

39. Tell us about one of the times they got injured?

Was in a fire when he was younger, he has a burn going up the inner leg on his right leg.

40. Do they have any scars?

Only mental ones. (and the burn scar on his leg)

41. Do they struggle with any mental health issues?

Perfectionism, past abuse, self hate, among others.

42. Do they have any bad habits?

Picking at his nails. He knows it makes them hurt and get bloody, but sometimes he just can’t help it.

43. Why might someone dislike them?

He can be very rude if he’s working, but to be fair, it is really annoying to be bothered in the middle of your work.

44. Why might someone love them?

Who wouldn’t love an overworked science boye? But in all seriousness, if he loves someone, he will be very caring towards them and is also just great listener. Tries not to care any more though because of personal trauma.

45. Do they believe in ghosts?

Yup. He’s heard of people’s encounters with them. Honestly, you’d be stupid to not believe in them.

46. Is there anyone they would trust with their lives?

At this point? No. Farkas later down the line? Yes.

47. Are they romantically interested in anyone?

Farkas, but we ain’t talking about that yet~

48. Are they dating/married to anyone?

No

49. Do they like surprises?

No. Please do not surprise this poor man he will stagger back and crash into everything.

50. When is their birthday?

9th of Hearthfire (September 9th)

51. How do they usually celebrate their birthday?

He takes a few seconds to acknowledge it and then gets on with his work.

52. Do they have any family?

Yup! A Mom, a Dad, a younger sister, and a male cousin that lives nearby (he’s in the Thalmor and the whole family has very Pro-Thalmor views)

53. Are they close to their family?

HAH- no~

54. What is their MBTI type?

INTJ (Damn this list for making me look up stereotypes for this. Honestly I hate the MBTI system so much-)

55. What is their zodiac sign?

Virgo

56. What Hogwarts House would they be in?

Ravenclaw

57. What D&D alignment are they?

If lawful chaotic good was a thing then yes

58. Do they ever have nightmares? If so, what about?

Yes, but they are often so tangled up that it’s hard to get any real meaning from them.

59. What are their views on death?

“It’s fine, it’s fine, I’ll be fine-” Hopes that he’ll be fine but is really scared about it.

60. What is something that they’re sure to laugh at?

Bad science puns. He will stifle a chuckle before telling you how bad your joke was.

61. When bored, how do they pass time?

This man does not get bored. He will always find something alchemy related to study or look into.

62. Do they enjoy being outside?

Yes. Laureli loves the Skyrim weather (for the most part. Places like Dawnstar and Winterhold suck)

63. Do they have an accent?

Yes. He has the typical Altmer accent.

64. Upon seeing a slice of chocolate cake, what is their first reaction?

“Why is this here? This isn’t mine.”

65. If they knew they were going to die, what would they do/say

He would probably take too long deciding and die before he could do/say anything.

66. How do they feel about sex?

Sex repulsed asexual.

67. What is their sexuality?

GAY

68. Do they become squeamish at the sight of blood?

Nope.

69. Is there anything that they find really gross?

He’s seen so much it would take a lot to surprise him here.

70. Which TV Trope(s) best describes them?

Grumpy scientist with no people skills.

71. Do they enjoy helping people?

Yes, definitely

72. Are they allergic to anything?

Not really. (Lucky)

73. Do they have a pet?

No

74. Are they quick to anger? What are they like when they loose their temper?

Nope, unless you press his buttons. His anger is pretty much “What in the name of Auri-el is wrong with you?! Don’t touch my equipment!!”

75. How patient are they?

Very...until you hit his limit. Then he gets passive aggressive.

76. Are they good at cooking?

Not really. He can be good at it, he just chose not to learn in favor of working on his projects. Can make enough to live on, though.

77. Favorite insult? Do they insult people often?

He doesn't have a favorite insult (he rarely insults people).

78. How do they act when they’re particularly happy?

Talking fast, pacing, flappy hands.

79. What do they do when they learn about other people’s fears?

Try to avoid bringing those fears up around them and avoiding making fun of them. If their fear is nearby, he will either tell them or take care of it. (which is good because Farkas is scared of spiders)

80. Are they trustworthy?

Yes, but you have to be a very certain kind of person to work with him.

81. Do they try to hide their emotions? Are they good at it?

Sometimes, especially romantic feelings. Romantic attraction? Nope, not possible- (It totally is; he’s in denial)

82. Do they exercise regularly?

With all of the walking he does around various holds, yes.

83. Are they comfortable with the way they look?

Yes. He’s a perfectionist with many things, but has learned to let go a bit more when it comes to his appearance. He still will take ages to get ready, though.

84. What are some physical features that they find attractive on people?

Tattoos, braids, basically everything you’d see on a typical Nord. It’s so different from his home and he’s completely enamored.

85. What kind of personalities do they find attractive?

Himbo nord men. Sweet morons basically.

86. Do they like sweet foods?

Not really. Sweet foods do have their place, but he isn’t wanting to get any cavities, so he tries to limit his sugar. (Especially since Altmer live 200-300 years aprox)

87. What is their age?

52 (~20s for an Altmer)

88. Are they tall or short or somewhere in between?

Tall, but about average for an Altmer

89. Do they wear glasses or contacts?

No, but if he did he would have half-moon spectacles.

90. Do they consider themselves attractive?

Not really. He doesn’t really think anyone is attractive. (Well, except for Nord himbos, but he doesn’t know that until he meets Farkas)

91. What is their sense of humor like?

Practically nonexistent, but when there is humor it’s mostly dry and sardonic.

92. What mood are they most often in?

That sort of focused work mode you get in when you’re really concentrating, as well as somewhat-sociable-but-still-kind-of-tired-and-grumpy

93. What kinds of things anger them?

People messing up his equipment. Oh sweet Auri-el, if you touch his things he will explode. Also, he hates the racism that the Thalmor promote. (He hates racism in general, but he hates the Thalmor’s views the most).

94. Outlook on life?

“It sucks, but I do find quite a bit fascinating and I’ll help where I can.”

95. What kind of things make them sad/depressed?

His perfectionism, how lonely he knows he is, and more.

96. What is their greatest weakness?

Again, his perfectionism, as well as having his work dictate more in his life than he should.

97. What is the greatest strength?

His brain. He remembers small details extremely well, and is practically an encyclopedia when it comes to alchemy.

98. Something that they regret?

How awful he used to be to everyone back home. He got a lot of pushback on his dreams and who he was, so he lashed out. Even though there wasn’t much he could do there, he still regrets hiring his family and wants to try at a relationship again with them (lol good luck).

99. Biggest accomplishment?

How is this different from “Greatest Achievement”?

100. Create your own! (Why is his alchemy so different from the norm?)

Because he’s trying to do something much more along the lines of modern medicine as opposed to just potions.

101. (Bonus!) Why is he in Skyrim?

Because it’s rather lacking in the medicine department compared to the other provinces, so he decided his talents would be best used there. Obviously, his family protested, but he went anyways.

[othernecessarythings]

i’m sick and bored, let’s go

2020-02-10 (i’m 16)

1: How tall or short do you wish you were?

i’m really content with being 167 cm

2: What’s your dream pet? (Real or not)

a dog, preferably a german shepherd

3: Do you have a favorite clothing style?

um i switch between alternative/emo-ish and hipster ig fashion girl, i like both of them

4: What was your favorite video game growing up?

mario kart at nintendo ds

5: What three things/people do you think of most each day:

my best friend, music (hayley williams) and my sister

6: If you had a warning label, what would yours say?

way too indecisive for their own good or may not be brave enough to voice their own opinion

7: What is your opinion on [insert person/thing here]?

winter, way too overrated it’s unbelievably boring and depressing

8: What is your Greek personality type? [Sanguine, Phlegmatic, Choleric, or Melancholic]

?? idk

9: Are you ticklish?

ye

10: Are you allergic to anything?

oh boy am i allergic,, in short yes i fucking am, to soap and shampoo and perfume and makeup and nickel and grass pollen and dog saliva and laundry detergent and the list just continues

11: What’s your sexuality?

umm idk bi maybe

12: Do you prefer tea, coffee, or cocoa?

neither, i’m not much of a hot drink person, but cocoa

13: Are you a cat or dog person?

DOG (idontreallytrustcats)

14: Would you rather be a vampire, elf, or merperson?

mermaid!! oh to be a free woman with shiny scales

15: Do you have a favorite Youtuber?

exurb1a or apri park, and um guilty pleasure of mine but daniel howell

16: How tall are you?

167 cm, and with some googling, ≈5.5 feet

17: If you had to change your name, what would you change it to?

ah my middle name i think

18: How much do you weigh? [Only ask this if you know the user doesn’t mind!]

i actually don’t know, we don’t own a scale,, but like somewhere between 50-60 kg

19: Do you believe in ghosts/spirits?

umm no

20: Do you like space or the ocean more?

i love love love the ocean!!

21: Are you religious?

yeah i kinda am and all my friends around me are atheists (very few in sweden are devoted religious people) but i am maybe? like i don’t believe in any god, but i believe in the good every religion speaks about, and i appreciate the christian concept of love and acceptance,, idk

22: Pet peeves?

ah many, i never do something about them though, but for example some swedish grammatical errors (de/dem sigh)

23: Would you rather be nocturnal or diurnal [opposite of nocturnal]?

nocturnal

24: Favorite constellation?

cassiopeia

25: Favorite star?

?? i don’t know any stars

26: Do you like ball-jointed dolls?

i don’t like any dolls

27: Any phobias or fears?

not really

28: Do you think global warming is real?

of course?? how could you not?? i mean come on i’m swedish we knew it was real before greta represented our country’s fight against it

29: Do you believe in reincarnation?

um no but i don’t believe that nothing happens after you die either so maybe

30: Favorite movie?

right now little women

31: Do you get scared easily?

yeah i never watch horror movies or stuff like that, but unlike from my friends am i not afraid of walking alone at night or similar things

32: How many pets have you own in your lifetime?

a few fishes and a dog

33: Blog rate? [You’ll rate the blog of the one who’s asking.]

i’ll rate my own blog instead, it’s shitty but it helps me relax and enjoy myself, it’s a safe space for only me

34: What is a color that calms you?

blue

35: Where would you like to travel and/or live?

oh so many places, i’d like to travel to asia and later live in the center of europe maybe

36: Where were you born?

sweden

37: What is your eye color?

dark brown

38: Introvert or extrovert?

definitely introvert

39: Do you believe in horoscopes and zodiacs?

no but i find it quite entertaining to read them and see if any applies to me or my friends

40: Hugs or kisses?

good hugs

41: Who is someone you would like to see/visit right now?

like hayley williams would be great

42: Who is someone you love deeply?

my sister and my best friends

43: Any piercings you want?

more in my ears

44: Do you like tattoos and piercings?

depends, i’ve got a few myself and i love them

45: Do you smoke or have you eiver done so?

yeah i do, both this and that lol

46: Talk about your crush, if you have one!

not really, i’m not the crush type of people,, it’s really hard for me to find someone i like

47: What is a sound you really hate?

i’ve never had a problem with specific sounds, but some feelings like the one when your hands are slightly damp and you lightly rub them against each other?? uhhhrhs i can’t stand it,, wait i know one sound!! i can’t sleep when it’s raining outside! and that’s quite unusual i guess, but it really isn’t calming for me

48: A sound you really love?

laughter from people i love, the waves by the sea, a candle being lit, the sparkle from an open fire

49: Can you do a backflip?

no

50: Can you do the splits?

no

51: Favorite actor and/or actress?

i’m not that much of a movie fan, i don’t really know any

52: Favorite movie?

right now little women

53: How are you feeling right now?

sick and tired, but overall pretty happy!! i went to a wonderful concert yesterday and spent a few days in another city with my best friends

54: What color would you like your hair to be right now?

oh so many but right now black and dark red

55: When did you feel happiest?

last year at a tøp concert i think

56: Something that calms you down?

puzzles and music

57: Have any mental disorders? [Only ask this if you know the user doesn’t mind!]

nothing diagnosed and nothing right now, but i’m pretty sure i was depressed and had anxiety for some time ago

58: What does your URL mean?

um i just had to come up with a name quick and this was what i felt at the moment, and i guess it fits me, i am in fact a stupid goddamn fan of many things,, neon places are a combo of tøp related stuff and the song perfect places by lorde, and blasphemypilots is the song blasphemy by just twenty one pilots (see i am a stupid goddamn fan huh sigh)

59: What three words describe you the most?

oh um probably intelligent, indecisive and realistic

60: Do you believe in evolution?

what??? of course i do?? how could u not,, like seriously though i’ve never met any who don’t believe in it? what would u otherwise believe in? gods creation of the world or something? nah, as i said before, no one in sweden are really religious

61: What makes you unfollow a blog?

usually them posting about stuff i’m not in to, but ofcourse if they’re being homophobic/racist/sexist etc

62: What makes you follow a blog?

content i like, majorly just text posts about relatable stuff

63: Favorite kind of person:

intelligent, witty people with wide smiles and lots of adventurous spirit and spontaneous ideas

64: Favorite animal(s):

idk maybe dogs

65: Name three of your favorite blogs.

i really don’t know any specific

66: Favorite emoticon:

:) ;) not that original ik

67: Favorite meme:

hmm idk

68: What is your MBTI personality type?

oh i’ve done it plenty of times and got different results each time, but in the most recent was i infj-t

69: What is your star sign?

pisces

70: Can your dog roll over on command, if you have a dog?

if i had, i’d probably teach them to be able to do it

71: What outfit out of all your clothes do you like to wear the most?

black, wide jeans with a large grey reebok sweatshirt is probably my comfiest, but i’ve got other fits i feel more good looking in like my beige, wide jeans with a white turtleneck, a bright green sweater and jewelry

72: Post a selfie or two?

no thanks

73: Do you have platform shoes?

no, and i don’t think i want either

74: What is one random but interesting fact about yourself?

i can’t for my life imitate other people or dialects or stuff like that

75: Can you do a front flip?

hah no

76: Do you like birds?

yeah sure

77: Do you like to swim?

love it!! swimming in the ocean is wonderful, and in pools are okay i guess

78: Is swimming or ice skating more fun to you?

depends on mood, i like both, it’s kinda dependable on season lol

79: Something you wish didn’t exist:

some music genres lol like swedish rap or trump

80: Some thing you wish did exist:

i’m not that creative but more concerts in my hometown would be lovely, and for stuff that doesn’t exist? maybe hot ice cream or a speaker that played silence so the room got quiet hmm

continuing in the next post

[hitchell-mope]

Ok I’ve been working on something for years that I hope to make it into a tv show one day but probably can’t because once upon a time beat me to it

So imagine

Michael darling single handedly stopped a war that was never meant to end at the cost of his life and to correct “something” the universe sees fit to tear open a hole in the fabric of reality which all cartoons bleed through. Disney Pixar Simpson’s marvel dc blue sky laika everything you can think of are now inhabiting the real world the only humans left are Wendy darling and her close family and friends

Disney’s taken over Great Britain and Ireland. Mickey and Minnie are the king and queen until they see fit to retire

Simpson’s are now in Hollywood Bart is filthy stinking rich and the Whitehouse is his mansion

So on and so forth

Main characters

Jane Ophelia Emerson: now known as Jaime aster blonde hair blue eyes around 5 foot 8 inches. Has magic like the whole of her mothers side of the family. Unlocks it when she meets Peter Pan for the first time. Like her mother and grandmother before her she fell for him hard. So imagine the bitterness when she discovers she wasn’t the first to fall for him and she won’t be the last seeing as he’s fated to be her son in law. She stops her and her friends physical aging process when she’s 16 because she’s terrified of growing up and having to leave everything behind. Gets married to three guys. James pleiades Hawkins from treasure planet. An evil bisexualversion of superman she was forced to create out of two variations of kryptonite (black and pink). William smees illegitimate son that he got from a hooker on the neverland pier. Padraic hutchins. And together they’ve adopted three kids not much younger then them. Youngest to oldest. Timothy Tiberius Turner. Horrid Henry. Alice Liddell. Preferred drink is olive oil until she decides to stop aging then she goes all out on the booze. She really does not like using mjolnir but that’s exactly why she can use it. She killed her own cousin after Peter Pan was taken advantage of. Speaks how she was raised. Posh. But the angrier she gets the more common she sounds.

James pleiades Hawkins: nicknamed Plei shoulder length brown hair turquoise eyes five foot nine. Space cadet. Made a little mistake in that he wished he had magic when holding an empty lamp. This means he’s now a genie but he can appear normal except when angered and he turns an olive green. His lamp stays hidden in Jaime’s blood stream. Very protective of his kids. From montressor but speaks with a middling California accent

Kal: under duress Jaime creates him by combining black and pink kryptonite (according to what I’ve read black turns him evil and somehow pink turns him gay I don’t know why so please don’t ask) so imagine a five foot eleven inch evil bisexual superman built like a tank flirting with anyone he sees. There are limits. He cannot go after anyone younger then Jaime or older then Wendy. Or anyone she is directly related to. Has a side thing going with she hulk (cause of that man of steel woman of Kleenex problem). Looks so much like Clark Kent (blue eyes jet black hair) that once the bitterness has subsided they eventually declare themselves twins. Actually talks with a Kansas accent (it’s a pet peeve of mine) hair goes to his shoulder blades

Padraic Hutchins: five foot ten. Mixed race but unless he showed you a picture of his father (mr smee who is like really white) you wouldn’t be able to tell. Dark black skin (think terry crews) dark blonde waist length hair. Emerald green eyes. Met Jaime when he was working as cabin boy (and hooks personal stool master) on the Jolly Roger. Jaime offered him a deal. Sword fight just him and her. She wins he becomes her butler and all that entails. He wins she becomes his butler and all that entails. It comes to a stalemate. He decides to go with her though. (If you had to wipe hooks ass wouldn’t you leave given a chance) invents a new method of killing when getting revenge on a racist homophobic cop in Springfield. He may look like terry crews but speaks like Katie McGrath (his accent is Dublin posh)

Merida: jaimes best friend. Scottish. Really really curly bright orange hair halfway down her back. Grey blue eyes. 5”8. Harsh rivalry with Clarabelle cow Clarabelle keeps calling her fat by accident. She is not fat. The slightly barrel like figure she has is pure muscle. Moved in with Jaime after an absolutely blow out fight with her mother and hasn’t looked back since. Met Parker through tragedy. The were on an excursion with the parr children and dash died in front of her. Completely destroyed her for months. Tried to change everything about herself to feel better. None of it worked. Cut and straightened her hair. Tried to lose weight (just became addicted to caffeine). She even gave up archery (which if you know her is a serious cause for concern). And through it all Parker was there

Peter Benjamin Parker: the group calls him Parker because there are one too many Peters in the world and they needed to differentiate. Brown hair that grows out to his chin. Brown eyes. 5”9. Splits himself so he can have a somewhat normal life. There is now three of him. The original with Merida. Petey living with aunt may. Spider-Man. Parker actually grows to like the venom suit and through magic is actually able to control it. Realised he was bi when he kissed Padraic to cheer him up after Kal was being a jackass. Then harry arrived. Still has his native New York accent but it interchanges with a British accent after he’s lived in Kensington for some time.

Melody: Danish princess. Daughter of Ariel and Eric. Granddaughter of king triton. Black hair blue eyes. 5”8. Has a thing for blonde men. Was attracted to Cody before he told her he was asexual then she layed off him. Eventually gets with zephyr. Non practicing catholic except in one respect. Jaime gave her her own trident. Loves to swim. She’ll shrink herself down and use a wine glass if she has to. Always wears her hair in a ponytail

Zephyr: French Romani. Blonde shoulder length hair in a pageboy style cut. Green blue eyes. 5”9. Always wears the outfit he had on in his film only now it’s in an older more mature style. Smitten with melody when they met but she had a thing for Cody so he couldn’t say anything. He just got steadily more drunk. Scarily flexible. Likes to hang from chandeliers with his toes. Bit like a blonde Dick Grayson. Non practicing catholic in the same way melody is.

Cody Anderson: Swedish but has spent a lot of time in Australia. 5”11. Blonde hair long enough to braid. Keeps it in a man bun 90% of the time. Asexual. Much rather run climb or play video games then date or sleep with someone. Poor thing has been conscripted as Kals wingman. He absolutely hates it. He just tells the intended targets the truth and if Kal can’t seal the deal on his own merits it’s not Cody’s problem. Apparently can survive on one hour sleep.

Alice Liddell: one of Jaime Plei Kal and Padraics adoptive children. 12 years old. 5”5. Reality warper. Mostly this means she can make a portal to wonderland through any surface. But then she gets magic and all bets are off. Adopted because we birth parents were about to have her committed to an asylum because she kept insisting wonderland is real (it is of course but they have literal Victorian sensibilities and to them Alice has cracked) favourite Dad is Plei. Blonde hair half way down her back. Blue eyes. Actually does look like Jaime a little bit except Jaime’s hair is more of a tawny gold colour and Alice’s is more yellow. Like Jaime defies the dumb blonde stereotype. Uses her powers in very creative ways. Eventually ditches the pinafore

“Horrid” henry: except not really. His biological parents are just jackasses who scapegoat him so the worm is the professed golden child. Reddish brown hair and definitely fulfils the firey redhead stereotype. But manages to use it in helpful ways after Henry’s his own magic. Loves his chemistry set. Many a stink bomb was made from it. 5”4. 11 years old. Green eyes. Favourite Dad is Kal. Again like Zephyr, he always wears the same outfit. Adopted because Jaime could see that he was miserable at his own house and was always happiest when she was babysitting him.

Timothy Tiberius Turner: brown hair blue eyes pink hat. Still has his fairy godparents because Jorgen Von strangle is terrified of Jaime (the girl unionised death). Not stupid per-say but he doesn’t think things through. Favourite Dad is Padraic. Adopted after Jaime went to talk to his fairies and saw his babysitter strapping him to a torture wheel. Definitely the baby of the group being 10 years old

Harry Osborn: 5”9. Black hair blue eyes. Bi. Enters a relationship with Parker and Merida. Hung up on Parker for longer then he’d care to admit. But always believed (as Parker did) that he was straight. Strikes up an odd friendship with Jaime over the “Peters who have ruined their lives” (Parker and Pan) the only difference Osborn is now with his Peter and Jaime doesn’t love her one anymore. He revels in the fact Parker feels the need to protect him and their respective positions in the relationship have changed. Was dying before he used magic to cure the unknown disease that would ravage his body. Couldn’t use his fortune to find a cure because his fathers will stipulates that he’d be disinherited if he tried to cure himself. That and he wanted to defend himself properly should the need arise

Ashton Darling: Jaime’s cousin born in the same hospital month day and the exact same time. Shoulder length tawny gold hair blue eyes same height as Jaime. It’s a running gag that he and Jaime look so much alike they could easily be the same person cloned and don’t think that before puberty when her hair was shorter they didn’t pull pull a twin switch. They even have the same taste in men. Fictional with bright eyes. Expected a bigger reaction from Jaime when he came out to her. She knew and they carried on as normal. Eventually starts dating Jack Frost from rise of the guardians. His parents are fans of that 70’s show. His younger brother is called Topher

Jack Frost: pure white hair blue eyes. 5”9. Always in the same outfit. Guardian of fun. Has a sibling like rivalry with Elsa. She thinks he’s annoying and he thinks she’s boring despite them having the same powers. In Jack Elsa sees what she could have had. Yes Jack was lonely but he made the best of it for centuries and he had people to talk to (North toothania bunnymund and Sandy) whereas Elsa retreated into herself scared of going near others. Though they come to an understanding and when Jaime gives the shovel talk to Jack Elsa gives the shovel talk to Ashton. Ashton and Jack met in similar circumstances to Merida and Parker except the Ashton and Jack’s weren’t nearly as tragic as Merida and Parker

Taran: 13 years old. 5”6. Red hair green eyes. Dalbens ward but somehow ends up staying at Jaime’s (admittedly insanely cavernous) flat more then necessary and everyone knows why except him. Alice has taken a shine to him. He doesn’t quite know why. Gurgis still attached to his hip. He and Eilonwy drifted apart but they are still friends. Has next to no idea what’s going on more than half the time

Felicia Hardy: old friend of Harry and Parker. The friend that would not leave. Her father died and she still is not over it. Cinnamon colour hair hazel eyes. 5”8. Hapless. That is until the symbiote infects her and almost starts a war with the galactic federation.

Johnny Storm: like Parker the group just call him storm. 5”9. Mid length spiky blonde hair. Blue eyes. The human torch. Enters the group by happenstance. Works at Oscorp on an intern. When Parker took the fall for what Felicia was blamed for harry had a bit of a panic attack demanding that he and Parker weren’t separated again so to assuage him Parker takes him on a holiday in a private suite in the death hotel. But then Storm arrives with this contract he needs harry to sign and it escalates from there so now Merida has three boyfriends who are also dating each other one of which is in intergalactic jail.

There are a multitude of alternate realities that are accessed through a full length mirror in Jaime’s flat. Some have diffoerent circumstances or flipped morality/genders or different outcomes. For example

Different circumstances: Clark crashed into the Wayne’s greenhouses and the shock set off Martha’s labour. Clark married a one Diana prince and had two children. Oliver Kingston Wayne and Barry Allen Wayne. Bruce is the drink uncle who accidentally joined a big brother program and Clark is making damned sure Bruce is honouringthe commitment. Oliver dances at a club to be self sufficient. Barry meanwhile is obsessed with chemistry. Clark stayed home with a sick Alfred that fateful night and has never forgiven himself. So he became superman to make sure something like that never happens to anyone else. Bruce however became a preteen alcoholic. Chardonnay is his drink of choice. Their pool cleaner a mr Arthur curry and their chauffeur is a mr Hal Jordan

Different outcome: Professor farnsworth took over New New York with an army of bending units aided by his insane son Phillip. Leela is Phillips personal slave. An impoverished Amy Wong is his public slave (Leela is a sewer mutant). Carol Walt Larry and Igner are incarcerated for trying to throw a coup

Flipped morality: Snow White, jealous of her fathers affection for his new wife, killed her father and blamed grimhilde for it. She learned dark magic and killed the queen in a mirror storm then took over the kingdom with only seven diamond armoured dwarfs. All when she was fourteen.

Flipped gender: Cendrillon used as servant in his own home until he’s able to go to the ball aided by his fairy godfather. The princess saved him with a glass slipper

You get the idea

The characters relation ships with their parents:

Jaime and Wendy had a major falling out because Wendy kept trying to put her solutions in alignment with Jaime’s problems. Eventually Jaime moved next door into a flat in Mickey and Minnie’s castle. And now Jaime’s the queen. Wendy is 5”10 tawny gold hair almost always in a bun. Blue eyes and always dressed in blue. Mid to late forties. Edward Emerson. Think Henry cavil in prime superman mode greying at the temples in either army fatigues or black denim. One year older than Wendy. Besides George he is the only mortal in the family and being mortal he can use a magic wand (no one quite knows why only mortals can use wands)

Plei’s mother Sarah looks the same as in the film. Now you need to go through trauma for your magic to settle. And Plei’s trauma is seeing his father Leland a gain in god know how long. It does not go well

Kal have a rivalry with Clark because Kal sees Clark as a wimp who is wasting his powers on helping people and Clark thinks Kal is a no good miscreant. Their parents though treat Kal the same way they treat Clark. Doesn’t matter if he’s a close W he’s their son. In return Kal values them and does not hate them like he hates Kal (high praise in deed)

Smee just wants Padraic to be happy and if that means Padraic being in England in an entirely different dimension then so be it.

Elinor got impatient with Merida taking so long to choose a suitor and then Merida decided to try and find a boyfriend from non options (read as she doesn’t love the clans sons). So they had a hard he blow out fight which led to Merida moving in with Jaime and she’s barely looked back since

May doesn’t know Parker is no longer st school and he is not planning on telling her. And besides she’s got Benji

Ariel and Eric know everything and as long as melody isn’t hurt they’re fine with it

Phoebus and Esmeralda are just like Ariel and Eric

Cody’s mother isn’t in the picture anymore

Alice’s parents tried to have her committed so their relationship is next to nonexistent

Henry’s is his parents scapegoat so his brother retains a veneer of so called “perfection”

Timmy’s parents are negligent and let him be babysat by a psychopath who repeatedly tries to kill him. His fairy god parents are crazy but at least they care

Norman put a stipulation in his will that if harry seeks a cure then he will be disinherited. So try to gage their relationship from that

John darling came out as bi and his wife couldn’t handle it so she divorced him and took Ashton and Topher to New York. John remarries Casey mulligan. Casey is actually Jamie’s ex husband (don’t get worried it was some stupid new law that all marriages in England are legal. Including playground marriages. Jaime and Casey’s happenedwhen she was five and he was nine). So they got a quickie divorce. And as it turns out Casey has a son from his ex girlfriend. Casey junior (get it?). So now John is a 42 year old divorcee remarried to a twenty year old with a 10 month old step son and two teenage children. Annalise got remarried to Ashton’s high school crush, his Australian swim coach

Jack’s family died a couple centuries ago so what accounts for his family are the guardians a boy who remembers him less and less every year. Elsa who sees him as who she could have been and Anna who just wants everybody to get along. Then there’s kristoff who just wants peace

Taran still goes to see Dalben henwen fflewder and eilonwy when he can

Felicia’s last words to her father were “piss off” so she desperate to make amends with his ghost

Well you know about the fantastic four.

Jaime has become a children’s advocate. Simple stuff like babysitting and making sure the recess gang isn’t split up. But she isn’t up to date on slang so when a mourning 13 year old Angelica pickles drunk dials her, Jaime has no idea what’s the girls saying. And she takes it upon herself to punish the “evil children” ie DW Reed, 3 year old Angelica Pickles, manny heffley, Francine nebulon the children the make their older siblings lives a living hell.

Simpson’s:

Jaime aged up the child population of Springfield by ten years. Barts twenty Lisa’s eighteen Maggies twelve and so on. She also given them special powers. Bart has super speed Lisa HAD telekinesis (she abused it so she losed it. Painful rhyme I know) Maggie has electrokinesis milhouse can ghost through objects Nelson can put national monuments on his pinky nail. Ralph can bend reality to his will. Sherri can teleport Terri can fly. That sort of thing. Though some have non active powers. Moe can not die no matter how hard he tries. Homer and barney have regenerative livers (so they can be sozzled all the time) Bart has inherited Montys fortune and company

[whalefairyfandom12]

Your Love’s a Fucking Drag (But I Need It So Bad)

Summary: Dan likes black and leather jackets, Phil likes reading in solitude and playing video games. But they have one thing in common as new roommates at uni: They are both completely straight. Just because they like to get each other off every once in a while doesn’t make it any different. 

A/N: So I just checked the masterpost and apparently it’s almost been a year since my last chapter. Open apology to Rachel and anyone that still reads this for the massive delay--hopefully I won’t take another year next time haha. Also the Halloween parts are because I was going to post this in October/November until I lost power so enjoy some seasonally appropriate spooks.

Word Count: 3383

tw; language, smoking, smut

co-written with botanistlester

Masterpost

Chapter Ten

There were certain facts in life that were indisputable. Beyonce was queen, Jar Jar Binks was a stain on humanity, water was wet, and Dan Howell was hot. And because it was indisputable acknowledgment of the latter was normal, healthy even. It didn’t mean Phil was gay or anything, just that he had eyes and appreciated aesthetically pleasing things.

So noticing the strangely attractive combination of sexy and adorable that was Dan’s still damp hair was a perfectly heterosexual thing to do. Phil was just confident enough in his masculinity to notice.

Dan was surveying himself in the mirror, arms crossed. A black and white plaid shirt tapered around his waist over a pair of black skinny jeans. “How do I look?” he asked, turning to pose dramatically. It should’ve looked ridiculous--and it did, but Dan broke character, smiling widely enough for his dimple to show and fuck if he didn’t look good.

“Yeah. Really good.” Phil cleared his throat, mouth dry. “You’re leaving your hair curly?”

“I was thinking about embracing the hobbit hair on a more permanent basis.”

“Why?” The word emerged more incredulous than Phil had intended, but the unrelenting curliness of his roommate’s hair had always been one of his favorite subjects of complaint.

Dan made a contemplative sound, reaching for his jacket. “It never stays straight for one. I step outside and if there’s any humidity I look like a deformed hedgehog. And…” he trailed off, shrugging. “I guess it doesn’t look that bad when it’s shorter.” He slung his coat over his arm, popping open the door. “You sure you don’t want to come?”

Phil shook his head. “I don’t want to crash your date,” he said, supportive smile strained.

“What?” Dan blinked at him uncomprehendingly. “What are you talking about?”

“Your romantic evening with Cheryl?”

“We’re just going as friends,” Dan clarified. “We talked a few days ago and realized there was no point in letting something like what happened ruin a perfectly good friendship.” Personally, Phil wasn’t sure how cheating could be summed up as casually as ‘something like this,’ but he nodded anyway. “So you wouldn’t be crashing. I think Jo and Avery are coming too.”

Phil choked on his own spit, book tumbling to the floor. Dan was there in a flash, dusting the cover off and handing it over. “Sorry,” he said, clearing his throat. “I was just surprised.” Surprised was putting it lightly, considering one of the last times he’d seen Dan and Avery together they looked like they were going to punch each other. He sighed, making a face as his gaze returned to his English. He did have the whole weekend, and part of him wanted to be there in case anything happened. “Okay,” he said finally. “If you’re sure.”

Dan’s expression lit up. “Positive.”

Phil rolled off the sofa, shoving his feet into his trainers. He wasn’t anywhere as dressed up as Dan, but he figured Illuminati t-shirts were always in style. “One condition, you have to share your popcorn.”

Dan rolled his eyes, lips pressing together in a smile. “And here I thought you actually wanted to spend time with me.”

“I do, but it’s mostly about the food.” Phil ducked through the door, Dan following and locking it behind them. “Did you grab the key?”

Dan jangled the keys in his pocket. “What kind of fool do you take me for?”

“One that usually does.”

The boy elbowed him in the ribs. “Shut up, spork.”

Phil elbowed him back, smiling. Dan’s nicknames devolved on the daily, and he’d be lying if he said they weren’t at least a little endearing. “What movie are we watching?”

“It. I’m excited to see it, but in terms of movies coming out at the end of this year I think I’m more hyped for Star Wars,” Dan said. “I really hope they don’t show the trailer because I’ve been trying not to watch it. I want it to be full immersion.”

“For it to be a ‘star war’ does it have to involve multiple planets or does it just have to happen on a planet far far away?” Phil mused. “Like if someone on Tatooine was learning about World War II would that be a star war or an earth war?”

“I think it has to involve other planets?” Dan said, frowning. “So earth war? I still don’t understand why Kylo Ren built what was basically a clone of the first death star. I get he had a thing for Vadar but that was stupid even for him.”

“I think that’s just called bad writing,” Phil said wryly.

Dan laughed. “I think you’re right. There’s a special place in hell for plot holes. They’re not even a pet peeve anymore--they’re ruining my life.” He pulled out his phone, turning it on to reveal a picture they’d taken at Marzia’s last month. Dan’s arm was slung over his shoulder, free hand making his signature peace sign. Phil had pulled a face at the last minute, crossing his eyes and making a fish mouth. “We’re running a few minutes late,” he said.

“I don’t mind missing the previews.” Phil gave him a wary look. “Are you going to fall off your chair when there’s a jumpscare?”

Dan’s eyes widened in horror. “I hadn’t even thought of that. Jesus.”

“I’ll pretend to spill my Pepsi so no one sees.”

“Thank you Phil. What a true friend.”

“I try.”

“Seriously though,” Dan said, with another glance at his phone. “We were supposed to be there ten minutes ago.”

“I’ll race you there,” Phil offered. “And by race I mean run three meters before collapsing on the ground from lack of exercise.”

Dan was grinning, already getting into position. “It’s on Lester.”

-

“Are you going to make me sleep with all the lights on again?” Phil asked.

Dan nodded. “Protect me dad. And also move over.”

Phil rolled his eyes, sliding further into the booth nonetheless. They were grabbing dinner post movie before heading back to campus, and he was crammed in between Jo and Dan in the middle of the bench. Cheryl and Avery were draped over each other across the table, and the rest of them had come to a mutual agreement not to disrupt them for the sake of everyone’s innocence.

“I didn’t think it was that scary,” Jo said, winding one of the straw wrappers around her finger. “More suspense than horror.”

“I might have some clown related nightmares,” Phil said. “But only for tonight, not the whole week unlike someone I know.” He turned towards Dan, nudging him with his foot. “I could always tie a red balloon to your bed when you’re least expecting it.”

Dan narrowed his eyes. “Only if you want to me to put knives in the cereal.”

“What? Why?”

“Because then,” he said empathetically, face centimeters away from Phil’s. “Maybe you’d learn your lesson Lester.”

“Save the domestic shit for the bedroom,” Avery interrupted loudly. He and Cheryl had finally remembered they were two separate entities and dismounted, though Phil noted with some amusement that their knees were still pressed together under the table.

“Only if you do,” Dan retorted.

Avery huffed amusedly. “Fair point.” Surprisingly, he and Dan had gotten along fine so far. He and Cheryl spent most of the evening off in their own world, and the few interactions had been civil enough.

“Hey Phil.”

Phil looked up at the sound of Cheryl’s voice, chewing on the end of his straw absentmindedly. “Yeah?”

“You’re coming to my party this weekend, right?”

He spat his water onto the placemat, Dan patting him on the back helpfully. “Sorry?”

“Dan already said he was coming,” Cheryl continued.

“I did?”

“--And you can be his plus one! It’ll be so much fun.”

Phil couldn’t help but remember what had happened the last time he’d attended a party Cheryl had promised would be fun. “I’m not really a party kind of person.”

“Please?”

He met Dan’s eyes, raising a questioning eyebrow. Dan inclined his head, shrugging as if to say if you’re in. Resigned, he looked back to Cheryl. Hopefully the alcohol would be stronger this time. “Okay.”

-

Thursday afternoon Phil came home to two boxes of flying saucers, enough Cadbury eggs, Aero bars, and Galaxy chocolate to feed his entire English class, and another box of what he was pretty sure were Maltesers sitting on the floor. Dan was sprawled across the carpet, phone in one hand and a Mars bar in the other.

“I’m glad you remembered to buy food for game night,” Phil said. “But I think you might’ve overdone it a little.”

Dan smiled innocently, holding aloft a bursting bag. Phil didn’t even want to know where he’d been hiding it. “Actually, that’s mine. This is for tonight.”

“I don’t understand how you we haven’t died from a heart attack yet.”

“Says the one who ate all the marshmallows last time we tried to bake.”

“I have no idea what you’re on about.”

“Or the chocolate chips last time I wanted to bake cookies?”

Phil shook his head disapprovingly. “We really need to take care of the mouse problem. They keep eating all of our hard earned ingredients.”

“Yes, because I’m sure the mice have developed opposable thumbs advanced enough to open packaging.”

“It’s possible. Can I at least have a Cadbury egg?” Dan tossed him one wordlessly. “Thanks.” He settled next to the other boy, back resting against the sofa. “Do you want to watch the episode of Riverdale we missed?”

Dan held up a finger in the universal wait for it symbol, pulling his laptop out of his bag and opening it. The page was already queued to the episode, and the cursor hovered over play. “I thought you’d never ask.”

-

Phil adjusted his grip on Susan’s arms, eyes widening in amusement at his reflection. Because he wasn’t already broke enough, he had a slightly unhealthy hobby of investing in strangely wonderful crap that had very little actual use. The stress mushroom had been bad enough, but he thought maybe the inflatable gargoyle could be considered slightly worse. Or better, depending on your point of view.

“What the hell is that?”

Phil patted Susan’s head, beaming. He spun to face Dan, throwing his arms out in a dramatic pose. His inflatable Halloween costume had arrived this morning, but he was only just getting a chance to try it out. “What do you think? It’s for Cheryl’s party.”

“I think it should go back to Hell where it belongs,” Dan said. He reached out and poked Susan’s head, making a face. “Do I even want to know where you found this?”

“Her name is Susan, and you know how Amazon suggests things for you?” Phil shrugged, an impressive feat given his current position.

Dan shook his head. “I’m not even surprised anymore.”

“I think they had a pink version if you’re interested.”

“You know, I think I’m good.”

Phil bent over, giving him a headbutt from Susan. “Try laying on it. It’s really comfortable, actually.”

Dan gave him a look. “No thanks.”

Susan gave him another headbutt. “Come on.” His roommate gave a long suffering sigh, resting his head against the gargoyle’s shoulder. “Weirdly comfy, right?”

Dan sighed, pressing a hand against his forehead. “Yes Phil, I love having an air pump bore a hole into my pocket.”

“It’s okay Susan,” Phil said. He leaned further back and patted one of her horns reassuringly. “I still love you.” He jumped as something vibrated in his pocket, locating his phone. A picture of he and Maria at their senior prom flashed across his screen as he swiped to answer. “Hello?”

“Hey Phil! Are you still coming up this weekend?” Susan knocked into the refrigerator. Shit. Maria correctly took his silence as an answer. “You forgot, didn’t you?”

Phil wondered if it would be too much to ask the floor to swallow him whole. “Maria I’m so sorry. I can’t believe I forgot.”

“So you’re not coming?”

He collapsed on his bed, cradling the phone against his ear. “I was invited to a party this weekend and I said I would go.”

She made a disbelieving sound. “You hate parties. Can’t you just cancel?”

“I would, it’s just…” he glanced towards Dan, who was graciously studying through his phone like it held the basecode of the universe. “I promised Dan I would go.”

There was a pause. Maria’s voice was icy when she spoke again. “Dan, huh? Well you promised me you would visit a month ago and I’m the one you’re dating. Or have you changed your mind?”

“Of course I haven’t changed my mind,” Phil said defensively. Okay, so maybe he’d been bad at remembering to call and he’d almost forgotten to wish her luck on her last exam but he’d been spending a lot of time with Dan lately, and maybe it wasn’t so strange Maria was questioning his feelings.“I love you, Maria. You’re the only person I want to be with.”

Her tone softened fractionally. “I love you too. I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have gotten upset. I really am glad you’re making friends. I guess I just miss you.”

Phil winced, shrinking under the guilt. He was really losing points in the boyfriend department. “I miss you too,” he said. “But next weekend I’m all yours. I promise.”

He could hear Maria’s smile through the phone. “I’m holding you to that. Have a good time at your party.”

“Thanks. Happy Halloween.”

“You too. Class is starting, but I’ll talk to you later.”

Phil ended the call and returned his phone to his pocket, waving a hand in front of Dan’s face. “You can stop pretending to play Angry Birds.”

“I never pretend about Angry Birds.” He held up his phone. “I almost beat my high score too.”

“Sorry to kill the streak.”

“Is everything okay? It sounded like it was getting pretty intense.”

Phil sighed, starting to roll over before remembering Susan and thinking better of it. “I completely forgot I was supposed to visit her this weekend.”

“I don’t mind if you’d rather do that,” Dan said. “She is your girlfriend, after all.”

“It’s okay, we rescheduled for next weekend.”

Dan stared at him for a moment, expression uncharacteristically unreadable. “If you’re sure.”

“Positive.” Phil reached for the Susan’s kill switch, watching it the gargoyle deflate. “Remember? It’s going to be the most fun I’ve ever had.”

-

Phil was not having the fun he’d ever had. At least there hadn’t been any crying so in that aspect it was already better than last time, but he supposed that was a pretty low bar. In the end he’d left Susan at home, but he wasn’t sure if he stuck out more being the only person not in costume. He’d worn a Halloween themed jumper at least, and Dan was similarly dressed, but even Avery had made a lame attempt at a zombie costume.

“I feel slightly underdressed,” Dan said, echoing his thoughts. “Maybe we should’ve looked harder for the cat ears.”

“I don’t know,” Phil said. “I think my costume as ‘internet introvert that finally left the house’ is pretty scary.”

Dan laughed before screwing his features into a mask of terror, pressing a hand to his heart and backing against the wall. “Get it away from me! It’s hideous!”

Dan’s laugh was infectious, and for a moment Phil was able to forget the stares from everyone around him and the way his shoulder was plastered uncomfortably to the arm of the person beside him. “You should’ve gone as a rat to embrace your true self.”

“I take back everything I said earlier. You’re a terrible friend.”

Phil shot him a look of pure betrayal, or as close a one as he could muster anyway. “How fickle of you Daniel.”

Dan opened his mouth to respond when a third year shoved him into Phil as she pushed past. Her breath smelled like beer, laugh loud and intoxicated. Phil staggered under her and Dan’s combined weight, bracing himself against the wall and knocking into the man behind him. Dan managed to regain his balance, mouthing an apology. The music swelled as the song switched to an electronic remix of Call Your Girlfriend that was a little too loud to be comfortable. Phil wondered how bad it was that he’d only been here for half an hour and he was ready to leave.

Dan wrinkled his nose, plugging his ears. His lips were moving again, the sound inaudible. Phil made an ‘x’ and pointed to the door, inclining his head in question. Dan frowned, shaking his head. Phil sighed, leaning in. “Do you want to get out of here?” he asked, raising his voice.

Dan looked relieved. “I thought you’d never ask!” he shouted. It was all the warning Phil had before he turned and plunged headfirst into the crowd.

Despite his roommate’s height Phil lost track of him after a few seconds, and quickly found himself pathetically and hopelessly lost. Sweat was starting to gather at the base of his neck, and he stumbled to a halt, standing on his tiptoes and scanning the crowd. Still no Dan--not that he could see or hear him anyway over the blood rushing in his ears that was almost as loud as the music and infinitely more headache inducing, He took a step and tripped over the couple beside him, the boy’s elbow catching him in the throat and knocking the air out of his lungs.

Phil had gotten lost the first and only time he’d ever gone to America. He and his family had taken an afternoon trip to the mall, but he’d gotten distracted by the Pikachu plushies and when he looked again everyone had disappeared. He’d been seven then, but the feeling of abandoned terror was the same.

He forced in a shuddering gasp of air, pulse thudding under his fingertips. The room felt like it was getting hotter, or maybe it’s just him because he can’t breathe and he doesn’t know where the door is or even a bathroom and he can’t find Dan and everything is so loud and he thinks he might die here and--

“Phil!” Dan shoved through the crowd, coming to a halt with visible relief that quickly turned to concern. “What’s wrong?”

He shook his head, forcing himself to speak past the tightening of his throat. “Outside.” Dan’s expression softened in understanding, and he reached for his hand. The pressure was familiar, grounding and reassuring as Dan led him along the edges of the room to the door. The exit had never looked better, and Phil fumbled for the handle with his free hand, sweat slicked fingers slipping over the brass. Dan nudged him out of the way and pushed it open, ushering him outside.

He relaxed at the first breath of fresh air, sinking against the wall. He exhaled shakily, head resting against the brick to face the stars. From out here he could tune out the music, and he dropped Dan’s hand to wipe his palms against his jeans. “I’m sorry for making you leave,” he said. “I don’t mind if you want to stay.”

Dan smiled, something in the gesture subdued. Guilt twisted at the knowledge that it was probably because of him--because he couldn’t walk the fifteen meters to the door like a normal person without almost having a panic attack. “Trust me, I’m more than happy to leave. Do you feel any better?”

Phil nodded. “A little. Thanks for not leaving.”

“I would only consider it if you actually did put a red balloon in my room. I think we still have Chinese in the fridge,” Dan suggested lightly. “And there’s season two of Stranger Things to finish.”

Phil managed a weak smile. “That sounds great,” he said, conveying as much gratitude in those three words as he could. He wondered what he could’ve possibly done to deserve someone like Dan as his roommate, but whatever it was he was thankful. Somehow he always knew he what he needed, even if Phil himself hadn’t figured it out yet.

Without thinking he reached for Dan’s hand again, falling into step beside him as they headed home.

[hudsliam-blog]

GET TO KNOW LIAM HUDSON ; event 001.

PART 1: THE BASICS

What is your full name? - Liam Wyatt Hudson

Where and when were you born? -  Lima, OH on July 4th

Who are/were your parents? - Emma Hudson, the best woman known to mankind. She’s a doctor. I strive every single day to be just as amazing as she is.

Do you have any siblings? What are/were they like? - A younger brother, Benjamin Hudson. He’s a kickass kid. 

Where do you live now, and with whom? Describe the place and the person/people. - I currently live partially in a dorm but I have my own apartment in Athens. My bunkmate at college is kind of spontaneous with his guests so I tend to hardly stay there until I have an early class the next morning. 

What is your occupation? - Student at Lima University, I work at the local pub for extra money.

Write a full physical description of yourself. You might want to consider factors such as: height, weight, race, hair and eye color, style of dress, and any tattoos, scars, or distinguishing marks. - I’m Liam and I’m 6′3″  weighing in at    94.3 kg. My hairs brown and my eyes are blue, my style? It’s all over the damn place. At this moment I don’t have any tattoos but I do have a scar on my calf from a pair of skates. 

To which social class do you belong? - Probably working class? I don’t fucking know.

Do you have any allergies, diseases, or other physical weaknesses? -  Nope, I’m one lucky dude.

Are you right- or left-handed? - Lefty but righty when need be.

What does your voice sound like? - Like a voice? 

What words and/or phrases do you use very frequently? - Fuck. Come on. Hurry the fuck up. That’s 15 suicides, Daniel. 

What do you have in your pockets? - A wallet and keys. 

Do you have any quirks, strange mannerisms, annoying habits, or other defining characteristics? - I bounce my leg a lot because I can’t sit steal to save my life. 

PART 2: GROWING UP

How would you describe your childhood in general? - It was tough but it wasn’t horrible. My mom was amazing and I respect her so much for raising my brother and I to be respectful men. 

What is your earliest memory? -  Peeing in the front lawn. 

How much schooling have you had? - Too much if you ask me.

Did you enjoy school? - Sometimes, if  I can concentrate enough. 

Where did you learn most of your skills and other abilities? - My mom or just catching on when I watched others.

While growing up, did you have any role models? If so, describe them. - Not really, none that I can think of. I just knew I wanted to be me so I set a path for myself that I fought to stay on. 

While growing up, how did you get along with the other members of your family? - Great! 

As a child, what did you want to be when you grew up? - A photographer or hockey player. Look at me now. 

As a child, what were your favorite activities? - Anything sport related or hanging out with friends. 

As a child, what kinds of personality traits did you display? - Like I really paid attention to my own traits. 

As a child, were you popular? Who were your friends, and what were they like? - You could say that, I was friends with pretty much any and everyone. 

When and with whom was your first kiss? - Jessica Dawson. 

Are you a virgin? If not, when and with whom did you lose your virginity? -  You’re quite the nosy one aren’t you? 

If you are a supernatural being (i.e. mage, werewolf, vampire), tell the story of how you became what you are or first learned of your own abilities. If you are just a normal human, describe any influences in your past that led you to do the things you do today. - Now you’ve got me wishing I was a werewolf or vampire, shit that’d be wicked.  I think never knowing my dad kind of influenced me to be a better man then he ever was. I knew that I wanted to be someone that people respected and looked up to. 

PART 3: PAST INFLUENCES

What do you consider the most important event of your life so far? - Winning the National Championship. 

Who has had the most influence on you? -  My mother and my coach. 

What do you consider your greatest achievement? - Leading my team to victory. 

What is your greatest regret? - Not taking more time for relationships and love. 

What is the most evil thing you have ever done? - I faked a injury during practice to get my team to focus more on being a team then being cocky. 

Do you have a criminal record of any kind? - No. 

When was the time you were the most frightened? - My mom got called into work during an ice storm at 3 in the morning. She forgot to text me when she got there and I didn’t hear from her or any of the hospital until 8 and I thought something happened to her. 

What is the most embarrassing thing ever to happen to you? - I got drunk and woke up in the court yard.. in my boxers. 

If you could change one thing from your past, what would it be, and why? - Nothing, I don’t regret any of it. 

What is your best memory? - Joining hockey. 

What is your worst memory? - I’m not too sure if I’m being honest. 

PART 4: BELIEFS & OPINIONS

Are you basically optimistic or pessimistic? - optimistic 

What is your greatest fear? - Not going to the NHL 

What are your religious views? - I don’t really know, I don’t focus on religion too much.

What are your political views? - I’m not political 

What are your views on sex? - Do whatever you want, dude. 

Are you able to kill? Under what circumstances do you find killing to be acceptable or unacceptable? - I’ve never been put in the situation, I can’t exactly answer this. 

In your opinion, what is the most evil thing any human being could do? - TRIGGER WARNING: rape in any form. Collect child porn. Abuse someone (mentally or physically). abuse animals. There’s so many things I could list here but I’d rather not before I get angry. 

Do you believe in the existence of soul mates and/or true love? - Yes. 

What do you believe makes a successful life? - Following your dreams and never giving up. 

How honest are you about your thoughts and feelings (i.e. do you hide your true self from others, and in what way)? -  I’m not too open about my feelings a lot of the time when it comes to romantic but other than that, I’m an open book. 

Do you have any biases or prejudices? - I don’t know. 

Is there anything you absolutely refuse to do under any circumstances? Why do you refuse to do it? - I can’t think of anything off the top of my head but I’m sure there’s something. 

Who or what, if anything, would you die for (or otherwise go to extremes for)? - My family and my friends. 

PART 5: RELATIONSHIPS W/OTHERS

In general, how do you treat others (politely, rudely, by keeping them at a distance, etc.)? Does your treatment of them change depending on how well you know them, and if so, how? - I mean I joke around with people I’m close to but I will first and foremost always respect them and their wishes, I will always make sure they’re okay and happy and never let them down or give up on them. 

Who is the most important person in your life, and why? - My mom, she gave me life, why shouldn’t she be? 

Who is the person you respect the most, and why? - My coach, he puts up with my ass. 

Who are your friends? Do you have a best friend? Describe these people. - I have too many to list but @smythebxstian is a really close friend of mine that I’ll give a shot out to. He’s pretty awesome, I’ll give him that. 

Do you have a spouse or significant other? If so, describe this person. - No. 

Have you ever been in love? If so, describe what happened. -  Yes. Things just didn’t work out. 

What do you look for in a potential lover? - Honesty. Loyalty. Sense of humor. Love. Compassion.  Pride. 

How close are you to your family? - Superduperfucking close

Have you started your own family? If so, describe them. If not, do you want to? Why or why not? - Unfortunately not, I want to though, soon. 

Who would you turn to if you were in desperate need of help? - My mom or brother. Maybe even a friend. 

Do you trust anyone to protect you? Who, and why? - I protect myself. 

If you died or went missing, who would miss you? - I’d like to think my family and friends. 

Who is the person you despise the most, and why? - I don’t think there really is anyone. 

Do you tend to argue with people, or avoid conflict? - Avoid conflict. 

Do you tend to take on leadership roles in social situations? - Yes, a lot of times or when need be. 

Do you like interacting with large groups of people? Why or why not? - On occasion. 

Do you care what others think of you? - Kind of but everyone isn’t going to think of you as great so there’s always going to be someone who hates you or dislikes you. 

PART 6: LIKES & DISLIKES

What is/are your favorite hobbies and pastimes? - Hockey. Photography. Looking at the stars. 

What is your most treasured possession? - My camera and first hockey stick from when I was younger. 

What is your favorite color? - purple.

What is your favorite food? - A strawberry and banana smoothie

What, if anything, do you like to read? - I don’t like reading that much. 

What is your idea of good entertainment (consider music, movies, art, etc.)? -  Anything that’s got a good tune to it or storyline. 

Do you smoke, drink, or use drugs? If so, why? Do you want to quit? - I drink sometimes. 

How do you spend a typical Saturday night? - If i’m not on the ice then I’m chilling with some people. 

What makes you laugh? - Anything. 

What, if anything, shocks or offends you? - Stupidity. 

What would you do if you had insomnia and had to find something to do to amuse yourself? - I’ve struggled with insomnia and normally I just study or work out. 

How do you deal with stress? - Not in the best way, I get pretty agitated. 

Are you spontaneous, or do you always need to have a plan? - Both. 

What are your pet peeves? - I don’t really know. 

PART 7: SELF IMAGES & OTHER

Describe the routine of a normal day for you. How do you feel when this routine is disrupted? - I don’t have one, everyday is a new day. 

What is your greatest strength as a person? - My loyalty. 

What is your greatest weakness? - My sometimes self-hate. 

If you could change one thing about yourself, what would it be? - My distance from love. 

Are you generally introverted or extroverted? - Introverted. 

Are you generally organized or messy? - Depends on what you’re talking about. I’m a mixture of both. 

Name three things you consider yourself to be very good at, and three things you consider yourself to be very bad at.  - ( Good ) Hockey. Photography. Being there for people. ( Bad ) Staying still. Not getting aggravated during practice. Letting people in. 

Do you like yourself? - Yes I do. 

What are your reasons for being an adventurer (or doing the strange and heroic things that RPG characters do)? Are your real reasons for doing this different than the ones you tell people in public? (If so, detail both sets of reasons…) - I don’t think I understand what you’re talking about. 

What goal do you most want to accomplish in your lifetime? - Get recruited to the NHL or become a doctor.  

Where do you see yourself in 5 years? - Playing professional on a team or being a doctor alongside my mom. 

If you could choose, how would you want to die? - Painless or protecting someone. 

If you knew you were going to die in 24 hours, name three things you would do in the time you had left. - Find a way to live a life as a dad or just surround myself with the ones I love. 

What is the one thing for which you would most like to be remembered after your death? - I haven’t really thought about that. 

What three words best describe your personality? - Funny. Down to Earth. Outgoing. 

What three words would others probably use to describe you? - Spontaneous. Loyal. Caring. 

If you could, what advice would you, the player, give to your character? (You might even want to speak as if he or she were sitting right here in front of you, and use proper tone so he or she might heed your advice…)  - N/A

[and-little-things-in-between]

1,2,4,5,6,7,10,11,12,14,15,17,20,21,23,24,25,30,31,32,33,34,36,37,41,43,45,46,48,49,51,52,54,55,56,57,58,60,61. I literally just realized what the bottom text said just now. I'm too lazy to pick two plus it's super late and i want sleep right about now so either you pick two, or answer this ridiculous amount of questions (why so manyyy) and in return I'll do the same. lol good luck

oh mah GAW, dude xD Ok, here we GO

1. Are you good at apologizing? Depends. If I know I was the one who was wrong, yeah, I can apologize pretty easily, but if I really think I’m right or am just feeling really prideful, I’m horrible at apologizing. It’s never just “I’m sorry, I was wrong.” I always have to remind them of my good points lol 2. Do you prefer your looks or personality? Neither? Personality, if I have to pick. I like to think I can be a pleasant person to be around. 4. What are you most confident about yourself? My hair lol 5. Name a few songs that reminds you of someone, and who it remind you of. Ooohhh goodness. Anything Fall Out Boy-related = Susanne all the way. Also Panic! at the Disco, specifically the “Fever” album. FOB’s “American Beauty/American Psycho” album reminds me of a few of my friends. That stupid “Do You Like Waffles” song always reminds me of my brother. 6. What is your favourite colour combination? Uuuuuhhhhhh I never really thought about it lol I like burgundy with other shades of red and some shades of pink? I’m crocheting a bomb-looking blanket right now that’s like a combo of sea and space-inspired colors.7. Define your “aesthetic”. Nonexistent? I’ve never consciously thought about it. I guess like shades of blue and flowers and word art and flannels? Idk, man, I just go for whatever I’m feeling.10. What are some of your biggest pet peeves? People who don’t use their blinkers. People who are rude. People who don’t smile when you make eye-contact. People who cut me off in traffic. People who hover in traffic. People who make fun of other people for things they can’t control. Just people doing sucky things, tbh. 11. What’s something that automatically turns you off of other people? Conceit. Cockiness. Arrogance. REALLY strong personalities, like those people who are SUPER opinionated about EVERYTHING and try to turn EVERYONE to their side about EVERYTHING and try to control other people and every aspect of their lives. Also people who try to be grammar police, regardless of their knowledge level. 12. What song always makes you sad/emotional? “The Little Girl” by John Michael Montgomery. ugh. RIP me. 14. How are you with moving on? Absolutely horrible. I’m emotionally spent, currently, because of that exact issue lol15. What’s a philosophy you agree with, but fail to live by? Oh so many. Forgive and forget is a big one.17. What’s something positive happening in your life right now? I have friends again? Like, now that my mental health isn’t in a pit, I’m actually able to connect and have meaningful relationships with other people again, and that’s really cool. 20. Are you a good person? Nah, not inherently, anyway. Goodness is a choice that I can’t stick to on my own; I’m too selfish for that. Phil. 4:13, friends.21. How could you become a better person? Following Christ closely and being more selfless. 23. Have you ever been in love? If so, with how many people? Naaahh I’ve never been close enough with anyone to “be in love.” I love people, like a lot and really deeply, but not romantically.24. Do you believe in love at first sight? I believe in annoying at first sight ;) But seriously, it depends on what “love at first sight” means, really. I think two people can click really well the first time they interact, but I don’t think you really love a person until you really know them. 25. Which social science interests you more; psychology (how the mind effects a person), sociology (how society affects a people) or anthropology (learning about culture)? Why? PSYCHOLOGY ALL THE WAY, though the other two are close. I just. The brain is SO freaking cool, and I’m always interesting to learn why the heck mine acts the way it does lol There’s so much to learn, and it’s all so complex and just fascinating. Human nature is fascinating.30. How do you usually get people to be interested in terms of romantic relationships? And platonic relationships? Romantic: I don’t lol #foreveralone Platonic: Humor, 10000000%31. What’s your favourite song to sing a long to? Ooooooooohhh depends on what my voice is doing lol but usually anything from “Prince of Egypt” or “Part the Waters/I Need Thee” by Selah32. What’s some “embarrassing” music you listen to? Every once in a blue moon, I’ll throwback to Big Time Rush lol33. What are you most snobby/pretentious about? So much, honestly lol I can’t think of any one thing off  the top of my head….My writing, maybe?34. How do you express sad emotions? And happy emotions? Tears and babbling. Also tears and babbling.36. How do you feel about phone calls? Depends on who it’s with. Doctor? Nope. Dentist? Nope. School? Absolutely not. Friend? Yes, let’s talk forEVER. 37. How do you feel about texting? Fine? I prefer phone or video calls, tbh, because I like to be able to hear your tone of voice/read your body language41. What’s something you love that you never do anymore? Why don’t you do it? Play piano. I’m not patient enough to practice anymore. 43. If there were no limits; who and what would you be? Everything. (idek man lol)45. Describe your fashion sense. The clearance racks  and Target and Kohl’s,  and thrift stores46. Do you have stage fright? Oh absolutely. It’s gotten a lot better because #teacherintraining, and I literally had to stand in front of 30 17-year-olds every day for 6 weeks. Also, I lead worship in a small class at church, so I’m better than I used to be, but I still get pretty bad stage fright. My hands shake really bad any time I talk in front of people, even in a casual class setting. 48. Are you more of an open or closed person? Closed if I don’t know you. More open if I do, but still generally pretty closed.49. What’s the worst thing that ever happened to you? And the best? Probably the depressed periods in my life when I felt really far from God and the people I care about. The best is salvation via Jesus Christ, aka the reason I made it through those dog days. 51. What are your top three places you’d like to travel and why? UUuuuhhhhh tbh I’ve never flown or anything, and travelling has always seemed like a weird, out of reach concept for me. Ummmmmmmmm I guess Italy, Spain, and England? Because there’d be a lot of cool stuff to see? lol52. What’s something you thought would be really scary/bad, but was actually fine when it happened/you did it? SO MANY THINGSSS umm probably riding roller coasters in Disney World. It was still petrifying, and I couldn’t stand up after because I was so scared, but like it wasn’t AS bad as I thought hahaha 54. Can you sleep facing someone? Yup55. Do you ever get in slumps? If so; how often, and how long do they usually last for? Um absolutely. I depends, anywhere from a day to weeks. 56. Do you like being alone? Yeah, but if I’m alone for too long, I get really depressed.57. Are you social? Selectively58. How do you feel about parties? Mmmm depends on what kind lol I prefer the “social gathering” type parties. No dancing or alcohol for this chick. 60. What question(s) do you love to ask people? Anything that gives me insight into who they are, be it spiritual stuff or just about how their day has (really) been. 61. What question(s) do you love being asked? Same kind of stuff, anything that leads to good conversations and stories. 

I DID IT WOO

[insanereddragon]

11 Questions (x4!)

1. always post the rules. 2. answer the questions given by the person who tagged you. 3. write 11 questions of your own and tag 11 (or however many) people to answer them.

Apparently, you guys are thirsty to know more about me. I was tagged by @hisreindeerjumper @thisbirdhadflown​ @corabe​ and @elletromil​! So 44 answers incoming, under the cut.

(from hisreindeerjumper)

1. What fandom have you been involved in that’s your favorite to date?

Are you seriously going to make me choose between Hannibal and Kingsman? I’ve met so many wonderful people in both fandoms, and while every fandom has their occasional drama and discourse, I’ve found both of these ones are generally such positive and welcoming places, full of top notch creators and consumers alike.

*sighs* Okay, I guess if push came to shove, I’d choose Kingsman, if for no other reason that it is where I met @elletromil, and I’m sure you all know how much I absolutely adore that woman.

2. What did you want to grow up to be when you were little?

Paleontologist, then a cop, and then a forensic psychologist. I figured out at the end of my first year uni that psychology wasn’t for me, but ended up getting a degree in it anyways.

3. Favorite places to shop online?

I don’t shop much online anymore, but when I do it’s mostly on Society6 and Redbubble because I adore supporting all the wonderful artists in our fandoms.

4. first kiss! tell me all about it! and i you haven’t been kissed yet, how do you want it to go down? do you want to be kissed at all?

It was kindergarten (about 6 years old), and I dragged a boy behind the toy cubbies. 

5. who was the first author that you read with a voracious hunger?

Brian Jacques and the Redwall series. It was my first ‘fandom’, and it lead to me doing email RPs for a few years.

6. what color looks best on you?

Black or green, but I can pull off certain shades of red on occasion.

7. do you read your horoscope?

Nope.

8. what are you most proud of in your life?

I guess maybe starting a long running anime convention.

9. favorite food & why!

It’s a toss up between my family potato soup or biscuits and gravy. Both remind me of feeling warm and loved during times that were sometimes less in both of those things.

10. what scent do you have the strongest memory association with?

There is one scent, and I don’t even know what it is -- I can’t even describe it -- but whenever I smell it I vividly remember this one summer when I was a child. I don’t smell it often at all, but it always hits me like a punch to the gut just how vividly I remember everything from that summer.

11. favorite tea flavor!

Chamomile, but I like white and other herbal teas too.

(from thisbirdhadflown)

1. We all did embarrassing things as teenagers. Share a story!

I tried to dye my hair blue while I was at boarding school, and instead it failed miserably and I ended up with this sea foam green hair. It was awful. For my birthday that year my mom paid for a stylist to dye it back to my normal brown color because it was so embarrassing I didn’t want to wait for it to grow out.

2. What is a headcanon for one of your OTPs?

Thanks to @deepdarkwaters I will always think that Harry and Merlin communicate secretly to each other (morse code or sign language, or the one time that Harry actually had to use flag semaphore XD)

3. One book that had a huge influence on you?

Hrm, I’m not sure that I have a single book that was a ‘huge influence’ on me. I certainly have favourites, and I’m sure that I’ve taken lessons or ideas from many of the books that I’ve read, but never one that sticks out like a beacon of light.

4. Who is one misunderstood character?

No Face from Spirited Away

5. What are your pet peeves?

Sheets that aren’t laying flat. People flushing with the lid to the toilet open. People who refuse to move to the back of the bus. Wet socks.

6. One thing you wish you knew as a child/teen that you know now?

That the anger and resentment wasn’t worth it, and that forgiveness would be something that I'd be able to find.

7. Would you like to be famous? In what way?

God no, I could never stand my life ending up under the scrutiny that seems to inevitably come from fame.

8. Best part about getting older?

The freedom to do what you want, once you realize that it’s okay to let yourself do those things.

9. One thing you really enjoy and one thing you really dislike about fandom?

I love the sheer creative output - so many unique ‘verses and ideas all starting with the (sometimes very) limited source material. Just an endless amount of ideas that I never would have thought of, but are amazing and wonderful all the same (even if I don’t like them personally).

I hate that sometimes expressing non-popular viewpoints, even politely and in the confines of one's own personal blog, can spiral out of control into massive discourse and drama. The downfall of connecting to fandom on a site like tumblr and the internet in general really.

10. What makes and breaks a fic for you?

The moment I can’t believe in what’s happening. A well considered crack fic is guaranteed to keep my interest, but I poorly thought out canon one is going to have me clicking the back button.

Also, formatting. Sorry guys, I try so hard not to let formatting keep me from reading a fic, but I recognize that I’m very picky about aesthetics. If it’s not laid out with proper spacing and standard book-like formatting, I’m probably not going to stick it out.

(from corbe)

1. What are you top five fandoms right now?

Hannibal, Kingsman, Fantastic Beasts and Where To Find Them... I don’t really do any other fandoms with any consistency.

2. What are your top five go to books right now?

I haven’t read a proper novel in a long time, so my top go to books right now are all origami books XD

3. What are your top five go to movies right now?

Kingsman, Victor Frankenstein, Mad Max Fury Road, Fantastic Beasts and Where To Find Them, Deadpool

4. Do you have pets?

2 cats, Spork and Fruit

5.  If you could have dinner with one person from history dead or amongst the living who would you have dinner with?

I know you’re looking for someone famous or important, but if I could actually do this, I’d have one final dinner with my grandmother, before the dementia had taken over.

6. Do you like pumpkin spice?  Is it a problem for you that I absolutely adore pumpkin spice and will willing cut someone for a pumpkin spice latte?

Haha, I don’t go gaga over pumpkin spice specialty items (you could gladly have my latte, I wouldn’t drink it), but I do love the abundance of actual pumpkin items in the fall. I tend to overindulge on pumpkin pie, pumpkin muffins, and pumpkin cookies XD

7. Do you have a favorite holiday?

It’ll always be Halloween. I was a costume maker up until my kids were born. I’d start my costumes in April, and I’d spend a lot of time and money on them. Now I just do my best to give the kids decent costumes that won’t break the bank, and eat lots of chocolate.

8. Do you have a favorite rare fandom pairing, a pairing that’s hard to find fic for or not as popular?

Meeklo Braca / Scorpius (with or without the addition of Sikozu) from Farscape. I’ve reread the 33 total fic on AO3 at least a dozen times, and even keep the tags saved in the hopes something new may pop up some day, but the fandom is well and truly dead :(

9. Do you like pickles?

Yes, but only if they are dill.

10. Do you sleep with a stuffed animal? Just to make you feel better I do, I sleep with the bear my husband bought me when my Dad passed away.

I don’t - most of mine have been divided amongst my boys.

11.  Do you like doing crafty hobbies like sewing, knitting, metal working, or do you enjoy hobbies that involve collecting?

Haha, crafty hobbies are my thing. I sew, crochet, do origami, and make chain maille and jewelry.

(from elletromil)

1. Who was your first celebrity crush?

Jensen Ackles XD

2. For what meal do you prefer going to a restaurant? Breakfast, brunch, lunch, dinner? Only a quick coffee/tea/dessert?

Breakfast, or rather breakfast food. Give me an omelette or benedicte or skillet any time, but they are always infinitely better coming from a well seasoned grill or pan. I can’t replicate that at home.

3. Would you rather clean the dishes or dry them?

DRY THEM. I hate washing dishes so very much. Thankfully Mr. Red agreed for that to be his chore around the house.

4. Are you the kind of person who puts a song on repeat until you’re tired of listening to it or do you have to always change songs?

Repeat. I’ll listen to a single song on repeat for days at a time XD

5. What supernatural/fantastic creatures would you like to be and why?

Phoenix, because I relate to the idea of rebirth from the ashes. I have one planned in one of my tattoos I hope to get.

6. Are you more afraid of what is at the bottom of the oceans or what we could find while travelling in space?

Space, because there are going to be things that we just can’t comprehend or understand.

7. You’re favourite kind of weather and why?

Bright, warm sun with a cool breeze, so I can just sit outside all day at the perfect temperature.

8. You can live anywhere you want, where would it be?

Honestly, I’m pretty happy where I am. We’ve been here for 10 years, just bought our first house. I don’t really want to be anywhere else :)

9. If you use the tumblr app on your phone, did you prefer when the bar was at the top or do you like now that it’s at the bottom? (am i still bitter about this sudden change? why yes i am XD)

Top, stupid update.

10. Did you ever watch a movie/tv show just for an actor/actress and you were sure it would be horrible, but it ended up actually being good? What was it?

I was sure I was going to hate Men & Chicken, but I was compelled by Mads and the Fannibals, and I was surprised how much I liked it. It is bizarre and definitely not for everyone, but turns it was just the right amount of strange for me.

11. You can decide on a tv show that would get a new season, a movie or a book that would get a sequel, what would it be? In a hypothetical world where the sequel/new season would be fantastic and all that you’ve ever wanted.

Hannibal Season 4. HANNIBAL SEASON 4. HANNIBAL SEASON 4. HANNIBAL SEASON 4. 

(Also Sense8, Leverage, and Dominion)

Darlings, this was too many questions. So no tags or new questions of my own. Sorry, I’m burnt!

[meticulousfox-theparadox]

DO ALL OF THEM MWAHAHA

Omg. Thanks you evil anon. 😂😂

1: when you have cereal, do you have more milk than cereal or more cereal than milk?

I always add more milk than cereal, and it makes me so sad.

2: do you like the feeling of cold air on your cheeks on a wintery day?

I actually freaking love it. ngl.

3: what random objects do you use to bookmark your books?

I sometimes just random strings/ribbons I find, or like a hair tie. But this one time I used bobby pins.

4: how do you take your coffee/tea?

Coffee: I love diabetes with my coffee. (I love a lot of sugar tbh) which is like so bad for me, but whatevs. Tea: uhh I just drink it???

5: are you self-conscious of your smile?

Very self conscious, I hate it. But I show it because I’m generally pretty happy.

6: do you keep plants?

No, but I would love to have plants! It would be fun to own a garden.

7: do you name your plants?

I would name them if I had them!

8: what artistic medium do you use to express your feelings?

I write poems honestly.

9: do you like singing/humming to yourself?

All the freaking time. I love singing tbh.

10: do you sleep on your back, side, or stomach?

I switch between my stomach and my side. But mostly my stomach tbh.

11: what’s an inner joke you have with your friends?

1-800-DrugFlab. It’s a looooong story. 😂😂😂😂

12: what’s your favorite planet?

Oooo, that has to be Saturn. I just love how it’s a gaseous planet and that gravitational pull of debris that creates it’s rings is pretty freaking tiiiight. In my opinion.

13: what’s something that made you smile today?

Recieving a phone call from a said awesome person. 💕

14: if you were to live with your best friend in an old flat in a big city, what would it look like?

It would look amazing. Tapestrys, christmas lights, and nature paintings everywhere! And soft couches and chairs. With pretty rugs. 😍

15: go google a weird space fact and tell us what it is!

The largest asteroid ever recorded is a mammoth piece of space rock named Ceres.

The asteroid is almost 600 miles in diameter. It’s by far the largest in the asteroid belt and accounts for a whole third of the belt’s mass. The surface area is approximately equal to the land area of India or Argentina. It’s so big, there’s actually some debate over whether to refer to it as a dwarf planet instead of an asteroid, even if it has mostly asteroid-like qualities.

(Ayyy we all learned something new today.)

16: what’s your favorite pasta dish?

That’s so hard, because I love all pasta. But I guess my favorite has to be chicken Alfredo.

17: what color do you really want to dye your hair?

I REALLY want to do a black to greyish/white ombre. Because I think I would look so cute with it.

18: tell us about something dumb/funny you did that has since gone down in history between you and your friends and is always brought up.

It was my first year of high school/secondary school. And I was rocking in one of the chairs, I fell back and as I fell, I turned off the front classroom lights which in a way created a spotlight for me when I landed on the ground with a big bang. I was so freaking embarrassed, but my friends found it hilarious.

19: do you keep a journal? what do you write/draw/ in it?

I don’t necessarily keep a journal or anything. But on my phone I like to go into my notes and write poems and stuff. Nothing too fancy or post worthy though.

20: what’s your favorite eye color?

I love light coloured eyes tbh. Seeing as mine are brown. I adore blue and green. But blue is my 100% favorite.

21: talk about your favorite bag, the one that’s been to hell and back with you and that you love to pieces.

My red backpack I got like almost five years ago. It’s my favorite and I had it through high school and I still use it now when I go sleep at a friend’s house. lol

22: are you a morning person?

Not really. I prefer the night time more.

23: what’s your favorite thing to do on lazy days where you have 0 obligations?

I personally just love to listen to music, play video games, or just talk on the phone with people that mean something to me.

24: is there someone out there you would trust with every single one of your secrets?

Of course. And he knows who he is. (:

25: what’s the weirdest place you’ve ever broken into?

Uhhhh, my friend’s interested house to plant a vaccuum cleaner in his closet. For his birthday. Annnnnd like I never went there before that day annnnnnd he’s also my general manager at work. Sooo. Lol.

26: what are the shoes you’ve had for forever and wear with every single outfit?

That has to be my black vans. I wear them to work every day too.

27: what’s your favorite bubblegum flavor?

I really don’t chew gum tbh.

28: sunrise or sunset?

I personally love the sunset.

29: what’s something really cute that one of your friends does and is totally endearing?

Sing to me and play guitar. (:

30: think of it: have you ever been truly scared?

Oh hell yeah, more times that I can count tbh.

31: what is your opinion of socks? do you like wearing weird socks? do you sleep with socks? do you confine yourself to white sock hell? really, just talk about socks.

I wear mismatch socks. With either Disney villians, Harry Potter, or Pokemon on them. I hate sleeping with socks on ngl.

32: tell us a story of something that happened to you after 3AM when you were with friends.

Uhhh, I remember one time we got super drunk at a friends house. We were playing fuck the dealer. Where like you had to guess the card on hand. You had to tries and if you didn’t get it, you had to take the number of that card, in shots. We were so gone, and then after that we just played music, ate taco bell and chilled. (My 3 A.M. stories are usually just drinking or drug related so. Lol)

33: what’s your fave pastry?

Danishes. Cheese or cherry or even blueberry. Mmmmm.

34: tell us about the stuffed animal you kept as a kid. what is it called? what does it look like? do you still keep it?

I had a plush dog that I named Clark and I gave him away to my friend recently because he was moving away from me.

35: do you like stationary and pretty pens and so on? do you use them often?

Uhhhh noooo. I do not. Lol

36: which band’s sound would fit your mood right now?

Honestly, EDM artist fit my mood more than bands tbh. 😂😂

37: do you like keeping your room messy or clean?My room is mostly clean besides like clothes on my bed sometimes. But that’s the worst of it.

38: tell us about your pet peeves!

Dishes in the sink, interruption during my favorite part of a song, video game, book, ect. And over neediness.

39: what color do you wear the most?

That’s so hard, cause I wear a lot of colour. I used to wear a lot of black, but I kind of grew out of that. The only time I wear like a lot of black is for work. Hahah. I guess I wear blue a lot though??

40: think of a piece of jewelry you own: what’s it’s story? does it have any meaning to you?

My gold rose ring that I always wear on my right ring finger. My dad got it for my birthday last year. And it just means a lot to me.

41: what’s the last book you remember really, really loving?

The Fallen by Thomas E. Sniegoski

42: do you have a favorite coffee shop? describe it!

There’s this freaking coffee shop downtown of where I am! And I can’t remember for the life of me what it was called. But they have the best chai tea lattes and scones. Like omg. 😍

43: who was the last person you gazed at the stars with?

My friend Cydnie like two months ago. We traveled to this quiet spot near the water where we could see the big bridge of the city and see all the lights of the bridge reflecting on the water, and the stars were so bright, even with the light pollution.

44: when was the last time you remember feeling completely serene and at peace with everything?

Right now tbh. I honestly love my life and everything/everyone that is in it. (:

45: do you trust your instincts a lot?

Oh god, yes. My gut never steers me wrong.

46: tell us the worst pun you can think of.

I’m a situational pun person, so you only get one. From the last post. (;

47: what food do you think should be banned from the universe?

Brussle sprouts. They smell horrible and should fuck off. (Sorrynotsorry) lol

48: what was your biggest fear as a kid? is it the same today?

Fucking Spiders, I still can’t handle them. It’s such an irrational fear that causes me to hyperventilate. 😅

49: do you like buying CDs and records? what was the last one you bought?

Records. The last record bought was a Mastodon album. Once More ‘Round the Sun, to be exact.

50: what’s an odd thing you collect?

Not odd but plush animals.

51: think of a person. what song do you associate with them?

Doses & Mimosas. ✌

52: what are your favorite memes of the year so far?

YEAH BOIIIIIII

53: have you ever watched the rocky horror picture show? heathers? beetlejuice? pulp fiction? what do you think of them?

I looooooooove them. Bettlejuice is bae though.

54: who’s the last person you saw with a true look of sadness on their face?

One of my friends at work, I was very concerned. ):

55: what’s the most dramatic thing you’ve ever done to prove a point?

Put myself in awkward situations which calls a lot of attention to myself. (That’s also funny because I comically prove points)

56: what are some things you find endearing in people?

Geniune emotions, intelligence, good humour. I find people that just embrace their weirdness and what makes them so very endearing.

57: go listen to bohemian rhapsody. how did it make you feel? did you dramatically reenact the lyrics?

Honestly? It made me extremely happy. And I definitely reenact the lyrics, Every. Damn. Time.

58: who’s the wine mom and who’s the vodka aunt in your group of friends? why?

I’m the wine mom. Because I love wine firstly and because I’m all loopy and come up with stupid but silly ideas for fun. Plus, I’m like super over caring and giggly intoxicated.

Vodka aunt? Oh man, that has to be Matt. He gets so fucking queenie while drunk. And he even goes overboard and gets to the point where he can barely walk. I love him though, he’s hilarious.

59: what’s your favorite myth?

Vampires. Because low key, I would love to be one if that was even a possibility.

60: do you like poetry? what are some of your faves?

I love poetry. I have too many favorites tbh.

61: what’s the stupidest gift you’ve ever given? the stupidest one you’ve ever received?

Oh god, I can’t really think of one. On both ends.

62: do you drink juice in the morning? which kind?

Uh not really but if I did, I would drink Orange or Apple juice.

63: are you fussy about your books and music? do you keep them meticulously organized or kinda leave them be?

Ehhh I just leave them be tbh. I’m really not fussy about it unless there’s a chance of them getting damaged. Then I freak out.

64: what color is the sky where you are right now?

Blue and the sun is out very brightly.

65: is there anyone you haven’t seen in a long time who you’d love to hang out with?

There are many friends that I miss dearly, and I would love to see them all again.

66: what would your ideal flower crown look like?

Multicolored, vibrant and just free.

67: how do gloomy days where the sky is dark and the world is misty make you feel?

At peace honestly. I love when it rains and I love gloomy weather a lot.

68: what’s winter like where you live?

Not as cool as I wish it was. It snowed here once, and it was just an inch of freaking snow. Which is lameee. But like it’s humid here so it’s weird when the temperature drops and rises. Along with it being so bipolar here.

69: what are your favorite board games?

I always loved Candy Land for whatever reason. It’s the simplest game and a fast playing game. But I guess that’s why I love it. The simplest things make me happy.

70: have you ever used a ouija board?

Naaaaaah. And I really don’t plan on it. Call me what you may, but I don’t want to attract any negative energy in my life.

71: what’s your favorite kind of tea?

I love green tea.

72: are you a person who needs to note everything down or else you’ll forget it?Depends on what the information is, but for the most part I have a decent memory.

73: what are some of your worst habits?

I have a bad habit of not brushing my hair every day. My hair is freaking curly and when I brush it, it gets all frizzy. It just doesn’t work. But I regret it when I brush it after a shower the next day.

74: describe a good friend of yours without using their name or gendered pronouns.

Short, coloured hair, absolutely hilarious, EDM lover, chill af, loved by most, knows how to have a good time, and a really kind heart.

75: tell us about your pets!

I have a German Shepard, name Attila and he is fucking adorable. And huge.

76: is there anything you should be doing right now but aren’t?

I should probably do some laundry, but I really can’t be bothered to do so.

77: pink or yellow lemonade?

Omg pink all the way! I’ll settle for yellow if that’s all you have though.

78: are you in the minion hateclub or fanclub?

Is there an indifferent club? Because that would be where I stand. lol

79: what’s one of the cutest things someone has ever done for you?

I really think of the cutest. I have had a lot of cute things done for me. Plantonically and romantically.

80: what color are your bedroom walls? did you choose that color? if so, why?

There are white, I did not choose this colour. And I would paint it if I could, but alas, I’m in an apartment.

81: describe one of your friend’s eyes using the most abstract imagery you can think of.

The eyes that I’m imagining are the deepest blue I have seen. It’s like staring into the ocean and seeing the waves rushing around. There’s a storm in those eyes. And just seeing the waters calm, is like the sun comes out and the blue becomes bright and looks like the sun glistening on the waters of Bora Bora.

82: are/were you good in school?

I was pretty chill at school. I didn’t really do homework though and I skipped class a lot. Which I really regret now, but when I go back I’m planning on being completely focused and working towards my goal.

83: what’s some of your favorite album art?

Mastodon’s album covers are nice tbh. Plus some of the EDM artist artwork are beautiful ngl.

84: are you planning on getting tattoos? which ones?

I have so many tattoo plans, if I even started to explain all that I wanted there would be a novel here to read. Haha.

85: do you read comics? what are your faves?

Nah I don’t. It never called my attention, but I never even tried so. Hmm.

86: do you like concept albums? which ones?

Ehhhhhh.

87: what are some movies you think everyone should watch at least once in their lives?

Lord of The Rings Phantom of the Opera&&&Moulin Rouge.

88: are there any artistic movements you particularly enjoy?

Not that I know of really. But I’m open to explore them!

89: are you close to your parents?

I’m really close to my dad. I have no relationship with my mother and that’s whatever tbh.

90: talk about your one of you favorite cities.

Tumblr post: “I’m in love with cities and countries I never been to.” I can’t even pick a favorite yet because I haven’t gone to them yet.

91: where do you plan on traveling this year?

If I had the money, there are many places I would be travelling this year.

92: are you a person who drowns their pasta in cheese or a person who barely sprinkles a pinch?

Droooooowns my pasta in cheese. I fucking love cheese, man.

93: what’s the hairstyle you wear the most?

I wear my hair down the most, I really don’t do much with my hair. Other than wash it and go.

94: who was the last person you know to have a birthday?

My queenie boo Matt. We went out to dinner and then went to a gay bar for karaoke, it was so lit.

95: what are your plans for this weekend?

I really don’t think that far ahead?? All my plans are very spontaneous. The way I like it tbh.

96: do you install your computer updates really quickly or do you procrastinate on them a lot?

I have no computer and it fucking sucks.

97: myer briggs type, zodiac sign, and hogwarts house?

ESFP! Sun Taurus! And Ravenclaw!

98: when’s the last time you went hiking? did you enjoy it?

I went hiking like three or four months ago? With Cydnie and Matt. It was really fun. Even though we couldn’t find the waterfall.

99: list some songs that resonate to your soul whenever you hear them.

Pretty Girl - Cheat Codes X Cade remixStay Free - Proto ft. DjodieFriends - Chase Atlantic Drowning - Eden ProjectMad Hatter - Melanie Martinez(There’s so many more)

100: if you were presented with two buttons, one that allows you to go 5 years into the past, the other 5 years into the future, which one would you press? why?

Five years into the future, because I would like to know if I’m on the right path to a good future or if I have changes to make. The future scares me the most.Plus, I wouldn’t change my past because that’s what made me who I am today. And I like to think I’m a pretty great person. (:

That took fucking forever, I had to really think about this. It was fun though. So thanks. Haha.✌

[toxinfox]

Things I Hate About Women’s Clothing: A Rant List

 (Some of this is probably highly relatable to many people, some of it is personal taste and may not resonate with everyone.)

Bras:

               Dear Bra Industry, you’re one of the only fragments of the world of women’s clothing that’s based on actual numbers and measurements. WHY, for the love of God, are you not STANDARDIZED? Why is it possible to be a different cup –or even band—size in different brands? Like, there should not be this much room for difference and error.

Another thing about bras, and this may just be a pet peeve of mine and not shared by anyone else: I hate (haaaaaaaaate) that cup sizes are determined via the ratio between your ribcage measurement and your bust measurement. This is what makes it so that, if you have to go up or down a band size, your cup size changes too… even if your boob size hasn’t changed at all. This is stupid. Why oh why can’t we base fucking cup sizes on a standardized volume, rather than a ratio? (Don’t even try to defend the ratio method to me; I don’t want to hear it.)

Patterns:

               I’ll preface this rant by admitting that this one is mostly just about taste preference but… I’m sorry, why are there so many hideous patterns out there? Why are there so many ugly florals in god awful color combinations that look like they came off of a couch from the 70s? Why, in spite of the widespread knowledge that vertical stripes are more slimming, are horizontal stripes a million times more common? Why, whyyyyyy are we still making huge volumes of clothing in colors and patterns that flatter maybe 0.2% of the population?

Jeans/pants:

               Oh my god. Pants/jeans designers, what do you have against women with actual butts??? All I want is a mid-rise, dark wash pair of jeans that actually stay where I put them. Without a belt, because fuck belts, they’re uncomfortable and don’t work anyway. But no! It’s like jeans manufacturers haven’t figured out that the BACK OF THE PANTS might need more ROOM than the FRONT. Like, a LOT more. Please, dear god.

               Also, and again this is a style-based thing… I’d like to see two specific styles die a horrible, flaming death:  ‘artfully shredded’ and ‘skinny jeans’. That’s right, I said it, fuck skinny jeans and jeggings. Fuck them. I hate them. They make my legs look thicker than they already actually are. This is the opposite of what I want in my jeans. Why did boot cut have to go away? It was about the only thing that actually made my legs look GOOD.

Skirts:

               Women have hips. Or at least, many, many women have hips. Hips and butts. Can we PLEASE design skirts that don’t make that whole situation worse? Much like my gripe about jeans, can we please design skirts that take into account the fact that the back is gonna need more room? I’m tired of trying on a skirt that hits mid-thigh in front… and barely covers my rear in the back. Seriously. I don’t want to be eternally consigned to knee-length or maxi skirts. The former looks frumpy and the latter is nightmarish on a hot day, or when trying to do anything remotely physical, like go up stairs, or stand up from a crouch. (See how many times you step on your skirt hem! Such a fun game.)

Fabric:

               I know that this is largely a quality problem more common in cheap clothing, but I’m going to whine anyway-- …can our shirts be less sheer? Can they be made of fabric that doesn’t act like Velcro and make my usually-behaved hair turn into a snarled rat’s nest from rubbing against it all day? Can skirts maybe NOT be made of static electricity and wrinkles? Can the linings in my jackets stop ripping in twelve places just from wearing it for a day? It’s likely that I’m just too broke to buy clothing made of good fabric, but… I’m too broke to buy clothing made of good fabric, folks. My price range is Target, Ross, and Goodwill. I make do. 

Shoes:

               Pointy-toed shoes are neither cute nor comfortable. I want them to die a horrible, horrible death, buried up the anus of whoever invented them. Seriously. Who looks at pointy-toed shoes and thinks ‘why yes, I would like to own witch shoes!’ any time outside the context of Halloween?

               Also, sandals. Every year, I look for summer sandals that are A) Not ugly, B) don’t chafe, and C) aren’t a rent payment. I wore one pair of sandals for eight years, until they were literally falling apart, before I found another acceptable pair. Eight. Years.

               Just… why are so many shoes so, so ugly? Why?

Torso problems:

               So, I have a long torso. I know this won’t apply to everyone, but I’m sure anyone else who DOES have this problem will hear me.

               So, oh my god, shopping for anything that has to fit between shoulders and hips. Shirts are too short, unless you either buy nothing but tunics (not always in style, and a high likelihood of looking frumpy if done wrong, especially if you have hips), or wear high-wasted pants (aka the devil). So you end up with that 1-2 inch skin gap between your shirt and your pants waistband. Is that just me? That can’t just be me.

               One piece swimsuits are right out. Either they become instant wedgies, or dip waaaaay too low over the boobs, risking a ‘wardrobe malfunction’, or they simply stretch taut between your shoulders and your crotch, and don’t conform to your curves at all, making you look like a lumpy cylinder. Going up a size makes them wider, not longer, which doesn’t help.

               Dresses… it’s similar to the problem with skirts, except it’s all-around. Everything is an inch or so shorter on a long-torso than a regular or short one. And an inch on a skirt can make a difference. (If you compound ‘long torso’ with ‘big booty’, which is my specific problem, dress-shopping for anything but knee-length or longer is a nightmare.)

               Bodysuits, leotards, and most other dancewear is just right out. Especially if, again, you have that butt problem, too.

What I want:

I want a bra that fits snugly, comfortably, supportively. The straps don’t dig into my shoulders. The cups actually hold my boobs properly, without spillage. The underwire doesn’t dig in. There aren’t like twelve hooks to hook, or special instructions regarding how to put the damned thing on. (No, I’m NOT going to ‘bend over, let my boobs fall into the cups, and hook the bra behind my back, then stand up’. I CANNOT hook a bra behind my back. I’m going to put my goddamn bra on the normal way by hooking it in front of me, turning it around, pulling it up into place, and adjusting until everything sits properly, so there.) I also want this bra to NOT be ugly and NOT be super expensive, and I don’t want to have to try on 40 goddamn bras to find this mythical perfect bra.

I want shirts that aren’t sheer. That don’t make rat nests out of my hair. That fit my long, slim torso and boobs, but that are also cut to accommodate my curvy hips. I want to never deal with the ‘gap’ between my pants and shirt again, especially in the back. I want them to not be ugly colors, or have hideous patterns on them. I want sleeves I can push up, which will actually STAY up. I’ve got a job to do, sleeves just get in the way sometimes. Also not hideously expensive.

I want pants that accommodate my butt. That STAY PUT without a belt, because someone designed them to be worn by someone with a butt. They’re cut well, have stretch where stretch is needed. They don’t gape in the back. They don’t shimmy down when I bend, walk, or crouch. I don’t have to pull them up every five minutes. I don’t want skinny jeans that make my legs look like telephone poles in sausage casings. I want a bit of flare to balance out my thick thighs and hips. I want my pant legs the right length for my (proportionally short) legs without having to take my jeans to a tailor to be altered. Because I don’t have the time or money for that. Again, not expensive, because, honey, I’m broke, have you noticed yet?

I want shoes that aren’t ugly. That don’t hurt my feet. That don’t break the bank. Basic black is fine for 90% of what I need. I don’t need or want ‘cute’ buckles or bows or anything. Just simple. I’m not asking for high heels I can walk five miles in, but I’d like sandals I can do at least one in without blisters, and sneakers and slip-on flats I can work a full day on my feet in.

I want skirts whose front and back hem hit the SAME SPOT on my leg. (Holy Grail! Unicorn!) That don’t wrinkle if I look at them funny, or stick to my legs like an insecure toddler.

I want underwear that fits, and doesn’t become a wedgie every time I move.(No thongs.) That don’t peek up over the back waistband of my pants. I want the crotch area of the underwear to actually be centered over MY crotch, rather than being halfway back because that pair of undies doesn’t accommodate my butt. Again. (*sigh*)

 …you know, about the only thing I don’t have any complaints about are socks. Socks are awesome. 

I’m not really looking for suggestions here, or people telling me I’m ‘just wearing the wrong size’, or telling me I’m doing it wrong. Women’s clothing just sucks. Can we all just agree on that?

[metanoianmayhem]

pride questionnaire! All the odd numbers, please :P

 1. What is your sexuality?Bisexual, or queer. Either one applies, really.3. How long have you been aware of your sexuality/gender?I figured out bisexual when I was about 13. The gender realizations..took much, much longer. 5. Share a positive memory about coming out!Cutting my hair as short as possible, having fought with my mom about gender stuff for over a year. She walked in to take me shopping and said “That’s a very androgynous haircut.” “Yes. It is.” Took a closer look at me and nodded and said “Right, let’s get you some boy clothes then.”7. Do you participate in pride related events? Any other events?Honestly, no. I’ve always been a bit to shy. I’ve been to a local gay night sporadically but I always feel like a sore thumb or get the whole “tainted by dick” thing. 9. Do you feel pride in who you are?Decidedly. 11. Tell us about your first crush.Buhhhhhh. First boy crush was this very sweet kid named Joey, in Kindergarden. First girl crush was this girl named Lea in First Grade and she was kind of a horrible human being to me for years.13. Have you come out to friends and family?Yes, for the most part. Gender stuff I tend to be more private about, but the queer stuff, everyone knows.15. Do you believe there is a “closet” to come out of?Absolutely. I got shoved out of mine in highschool. I wouldn’t wish that on anyone, and even that aside, being in the closet was downright painful.17. What’s your biggest pet peeve when it comes to LGBTQ representation in the media?I DON’T LIKE LABELS BULLSHIT. JESUS CHRIST. BISEXUAL. SAY IT. SAAY IIIIT.19. What did your teachers say about the LGBTQ community at school?None of them said anything bad. But everyone knew who was someone you could trust, versus who would treat you like a freak.21. What’s an absolute turn off for you in the opposite/same gender?Stupidity. Can’t do it. Can’t do blatantly dumb unwilling to learn people. Bigotry is often hand in hand with that.23. How do you feel about LGBTQ clubs/websites?Awesomesauce. I don’t always feel welcome at them, but I think they’re damn important.25. How does your country view the LGBTQ community?Somewhere between “normalizing” and “can’t you just not flaunt being ghey”27. Any tips for heterosexual and/or cisgender people on how to handle lgbtq events/news?Either be supportive or just shut up. Nobody wants your fucking devil’s advocate bullshit.29. How do you feel about receiving questions about your sexuality/gender?Generally I’m pretty open it. Depends on the method of inquiry, tbh.

[vvhymack]

do All the pride questions

omfg ily ok its under the cut

1. what is your sexuality?a. i’m bi!!

2. what do gender do you identify as?a. agender

3. how long have you been aware of your sexuality/gender?a. um, quite a few years now, i’d say 5 or more?

4. do you have any preferences?a. lmao if i got w/ a guy, i wouldnt be disowned or killed so that would be cool i guess

5. share a positive memory about coming out!a. i remember me and a girl coworker of mine got into this 2 hour argument w/ another coworker bc he was super homophobic and we got pissed and i got kind of pissy and emotional and the girl took me outside for a smoke break and calmed me down and i used to drop her home and on the way back, she came out to me as bi and i did the same and we both breathed a sigh together.

6.how do you feel about pride month?a. i love it!!! also it makes me sad bc i cant take part irl and also the pulse shootings and its just heartbreaking sometimes because of why we need pride

7. do you participate in pride related events? any other events?a. no i cant lol i live in a country where its illegal 2 be gay

8. how do you feel about lgbtq roles in media?a. theyre so important but its also important how theyre portrayed. fetishization or infantalization occur too often and its just tiring that sometimes media is pandering to straight ppl who fetishize us rather than.... us

9. do you feel pride in who you are?a. yea i’ll punch a tree i dont give a shit

10. who has been your supportive idols in your self discovery?a. tumblr i guess lol idk its been chill i dont remember

11. tell us about your first crush?a. probably grade school on some stupid boy who didnt deserve it

12. what sort of advice to have you lgbtq teens? a. surround urself w/ positive ppl. its not the end, there are others like u, u’ll find ppl who will accept u for who u are even if you cant leave ur conservative environment

13. have you come out to friends and family?a. friends, yea, my close ones, family??? no? not really. im from a conservative muslim family but i drop vague hints lmao im wearing a shirt rn that says “this girl likes girls” and no ones gotten it yet so

14. how do you feel about the term “coming out” ?a. its fine

15. do you believe there is a “closet” to come out of?a. the closet is heteronormativity my friends

16. any tips on coming out?a. do it whenever and with whomever ur comfortable. if u dont ever wanna come out to someone, dont. youre not obligated to.

17. what’s your biggest pet peeve when it comes to lgbtq characterization in media?a. fetishization and too little screen time and mostly white or dead lol

18. what’s your favorite parts of lgbtq characterization in media?a. it makes me cry when its beautifully done, lgbtq folks will smile and i’ll feel this swell of hope and happiness and i love you all im crying

19. what did your teachers say about the lgbtqa community in school?a. lol dont be a gay its haram

20. do you practice safe sex with the same gender?a. i would

21. what’s an absolute turn off for you in the opposite/same gender?a. anyone who makes me uncomfortable

22. what’s an absolute turn on for you in the opposite/same gender?a. passion!!! i s2g whenever someone talks passionately abt somethign i fall in love. also hair and hands.

23. how do you feel about lgbtq clubs/apps/websites?a. hell yas

24. how do you feel about the term “queer” ?a. i call myself queer but i understand why ppl dont wanna be called it or dont want it to be used as an umbrella term

25. how does you country view the lgbtq community?a. idk theyll probably deport us the first chance they can so it doesnt ruin their image but like ? they’re chill as long as we dont come out from underground i guess

26. favorite lgbtq actor/actress?a. andy meintus, a bi icon

27. any tips for heterosexual and/or cisgender people on how to handle lgbtq events/news?a. dont talk over lgbt ppl and use ur privilage to amplify their voices thanks

28. what’s the most annoying question you have ever gotten?a. how can u be muslim and queer at the same time????

29. how do you feel about receiving questions about your sexuality/gender?a. i dont mind!!

[allyousaidisshit]

1-100 🐬🐬

1: when you have cereal, do you have more milk than cereal or more cereal than milk? more milk

2: do you like the feeling of cold air on your cheeks on a wintery day? no

3: what random objects do you use to bookmark your books? sheets of paper

4: how do you take your coffee/tea? i don’t drink coffee unless it is this sugary ass coffee from the super market / i drink my tea without anything

5: are you self-conscious of your smile? yes, i’m conscious of everything lol

6: do you keep plants? yip

7: do you name your plants? why would i

8: what artistic medium do you use to express your feelings? photography idk??

9: do you like singing/humming to yourself? yes 

10: do you sleep on your back, side, or stomach? side

11: what's an inner joke you have with your friends? 1. “du gute Hure” 2. “Stangentanz” 3. “Jesus M.”

12: what's your favorite planet? idk the earth lol

13: what's something that made you smile today? my friends

14: if you were to live with your best friend in an old flat in a big city, what would it look like? it would be fucking messy like really really really messy

15: go google a weird space fact and tell us what it is! your weight on mercury would be 38% of your weight on earth

16: what's your favorite pasta dish? Spaghetti 

17: what color do you really want to dye your hair? Silver

18: tell us about something dumb/funny you did that has since gone down in history between you and your friends and is always brought up. - i once managed to throw one friend of mine over my shoulders - wrestling style AND I DIDN’T MEAN TO

19: do you keep a journal? what do you write/draw/ in it? I have like a diary of a genius and i write in it once in 231423 years

20: what's your favorite eye color? blue

21: talk about your favorite bag, the one that's been to hell and back with you and that you love to pieces. - I have a love/ hate relationship with my blue Leo print bag that i take with me to school since like idk 8th grade

22: are you a morning person? i’m not that moody in the morning

23: what's your favorite thing to do on lazy days where you have 0 obligations? obsess over gayness and watch random youtube videos

24: is there someone out there you would trust with every single one of your secrets? i don’t even trust myself

25: what's the weirdest place you've ever broken into? never did that

26: what are the shoes you've had for forever and wear with every single outfit? Dr. Martens 1460 in black but they have like flowers in black on it

27: what's your favorite bubblegum flavor? peppermint 

28: sunrise or sunset? sunset

29: what's something really cute that one of your friends does and is totally endearing? my friends aren’t cute, they are Horen

30: think of it: have you ever been truly scared? yes, in 3rd grade bc of a stupid youtube video

31: what is your opinion of socks? do you like wearing weird socks? do you sleep with socks? do you confine yourself to white sock hell? really, just talk about socks. - i don’t like to wear socks

32: tell us a story of something that happened to you after 3AM when you were with friends. - it was my 16th birthday and we went outside into my garden, played a stupid song and played with glow sticks

33: what's your fave pastry? idk

34: tell us about the stuffed animal you kept as a kid. what is it called? what does it look like? do you still keep it? i don’t remember a stuffed animal that i was obsessed with

35: do you like stationary and pretty pens and so on? do you use them often? i like pretty pens, but i am to stupid to use them soooo

36: which band's sound would fit your mood right now? Queen bc queen fits always

37: do you like keeping your room messy or clean? i would like to keep it clean but it isn’t 

38: tell us about your pet peeves! - stupid people

39: what color do you wear the most? black

40: think of a piece of jewelry you own: what's it's story? does it have any meaning to you? - golden earrings that my grandparents bought for me, i love them and wear them ever since

41: what's the last book you remember really, really loving? Harry Potter

42: do you have a favorite coffee shop? describe it! don’t have one

43: who was the last person you gazed at the stars with? My friends

44: when was the last time you remember feeling completely serene and at peace with everything? i don't know

45: do you trust your instincts a lot? yes

46: tell us the worst pun you can think of. - i can’t think of one

47: what food do you think should be banned from the universe? - Brussels sprouts

48: what was your biggest fear as a kid? is it the same today? - spiders idk and no it isn’t

49: do you like buying CDs and records? what was the last one you bought? I love to buy CDs, the last one was a Freddie Mercury one

50: what's an odd thing you collect? i don’t think that there is anything odd about keeping post cards and other travel related stuff

51: think of a person. what song do you associate with them? Bohemian Rhapsody

52: what are your favorite memes of the year so far? myself, I’m my favorite meme

53: have you ever watched the rocky horror picture show? heathers? beetlejuice? pulp fiction? what do you think of them? nope

54: who's the last person you saw with a true look of sadness on their face? one of my friends

55: what's the most dramatic thing you've ever done to prove a point? i honestly don’t remember

56: what are some things you find endearing in people? their smile

57: go listen to bohemian rhapsody. how did it make you feel? did you dramatically reenact the lyrics? bitch this is my fucking favorite song of all time, i fucking celebrate it

58: who's the wine mom and who's the vodka aunt in your group of friends? why? - idk

59: what's your favorite myth? - idk

60: do you like poetry? what are some of your faves? - well i enjoy the poetry in Kill your darlings

61: what's the stupidest gift you've ever given? the stupidest one you've ever received? i once gave toilet paper with asians on it to someone

62: do you drink juice in the morning? which kind? don’t drink any

63: are you fussy about your books and music? do you keep them meticulously organized or kinda leave them be? - they are inside of a shelf

64: what color is the sky where you are right now? black

65: is there anyone you haven't seen in a long time who you'd love to hang out with? many people

66: what would your ideal flower crown look like? idk

67: how do gloomy days where the sky is dark and the world is misty make you feel? idk

68: what's winter like where you live? cold and idk

69: what are your favorite board games? Mensch ärgere dich nicht

70: have you ever used a ouija board? nope

71: what's your favorite kind of tea? peppermint

72: are you a person who needs to note everything down or else you'll forget it?kinda

73: what are some of your worst habits? saying stupid stuff that offends people

74: describe a good friend of yours without using their name or gendered pronouns. - stupid and a hoe

75: tell us about your pets! i have a bunny

76: is there anything you should be doing right now but aren't? nope

77: pink or yellow lemonade? idk

78: are you in the minion hateclub or fanclub? hateclub

79: what's one of the cutest things someone has ever done for you? existing 

80: what color are your bedroom walls? did you choose that color? if so, why? pastel pink and i choose it because i liked it

81: describe one of your friend's eyes using the most abstract imagery you can think of. - the ocean

82: are/were you good in school? i am very good

83: what's some of your favorite album art? idk

84: are you planning on getting tattoos? which ones? yes, mostly words and lyrics

85: do you read comics? what are your faves? don’t read them

86: do you like concept albums? which ones? idk

87: what are some movies you think everyone should watch at least once in their lives? Harry Potter

88: are there any artistic movements you particularly enjoy? idk

89: are you close to your parents? depends, but yes

90: talk about your one of you favorite cities. i love London, it is just really beautiful

91: where do you plan on traveling this year? Italy

92: are you a person who drowns their pasta in cheese or a person who barely sprinkles a pinch? i don’t like cheese on pasta

93: what's the hairstyle you wear the most? open

94: who was the last person you know to have a birthday? my cousin

95: what are your plans for this weekend? i’m traveling to Italy

96: do you install your computer updates really quickly or do you procrastinate on them a lot? i procrastinate 

97: myer briggs type, zodiac sign, and hogwarts house? INTP, Gemini, Slytherin

98: when's the last time you went hiking? did you enjoy it? never went hiking

99: list some songs that resonate to your soul whenever you hear them. bohemian rhapsody

100: if you were presented with two buttons, one that allows you to go 5 years into the past, the other 5 years into the future, which one would you press? why? idk, it’s difficult to answer that

[t-shrt]

100 q tag

no one wud read it but ima do it anyways cos fun tag by @dubblebubble

1: when you have cereal, do you have more milk than cereal or more cereal than milk? more cereal than milk cos i love tht crunchy crunch

2: do you like the feeling of cold air on your cheeks on a wintery day? LOVE

3: what random objects do you use to bookmark your books? receipts, pen lol

4: how do you take your coffee/tea? coffee=basic latte/hot tea, no sugar

5: are you self-conscious of your smile? sometimes, not too often tho

6: do you keep plants? no but i want to but ill be terrible at it so no

7: do you name your plants?

8: what artistic medium do you use to express your feelings? digital art

9: do you like singing/humming to yourself? yes very it keeps me sane

10: do you sleep on your back, side, or stomach? side/back, back esp nowadays

11: what’s an inner joke you have with your friends? lots lol

12: what’s your favorite planet? earth? hahahah it used to be jupiter cos i loved sailor jupiter as a child

13: what’s something that made you smile today? friend + nct + fics

14: if you were to live with your best friend in an old flat in a big city, what would it look like? two separate bedrooms, a balcony, good amount of plants, separate fridge for alcohol, sizeable kitchen

15: go google a weird space fact and tell us what it is! it rains diamonds in jupiter and saturn $$$$

16: what’s your favorite pasta dish? bolognese hahahaha im boring

17: what color do you really want to dye your hair? i just dyed my hair a darker ash brown n i quite like it ive been light for awhile

18: tell us about something dumb/funny you did that has since gone down in history between you and your friends and is always brought up. one came 2 mind cos we both recently talked ab it, a longtime close friend of mine n i used to have the biggest fight where he threw me a pair of scissors n i threw him a basketball in retaliation lmfaooo it still became a running joke more than a decade later...

19: do you keep a journal? what do you write/draw/ in it? not really...prolly shud

20: what’s your favorite eye color? i actually like brown hahah, maybe a slightly lighter shade of brown

21: talk about your favorite bag, the one that’s been to hell and back with you and that you love to pieces. it was a gift from my parents, a simple small messenger bag with a lot of slots, brought it with me literally everywhere, during my hookups, my night outs, been stained with questionable things (its been cleaned lol!).... almost lost it in a club only to be found by a friend... it has foundation stains tho lol

22: are you a morning person? n o

23: what’s your favorite thing to do on lazy days where you have 0 obligations? sleep, listen to music, watch stuff, not reply to messages

24: is there someone out there you would trust with every single one of your secrets? no

25: what’s the weirdest place you’ve ever broken into? nothing rly comes to mind but im p sure ive been somewhere like tht lol

26: what are the shoes you’ve had for forever and wear with every single outfit? LOL my adidas superstars

27: what’s your favorite bubblegum flavor? ermm the red colored ones?

28: sunrise or sunset? hmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm very good question

29: what’s something really cute that one of your friends does and is totally endearing? hmm what comes to mind is the way both of us sometimes exchange goodnight msgs w nct farm emojis heheeh

30: think of it: have you ever been truly scared? lol ofc....

31: what is your opinion of socks? do you like wearing weird socks? do you sleep with socks? do you confine yourself to white sock hell? really, just talk about socks. unfortunately im rly basic on socks, u wud most likely find me wearing black ankle socks or black ballet(?) socks nothing more nothing less.......

32: tell us a story of something that happened to you after 3AM when you were with friends. a lot has happened usually during that time lol. duno which story to pick honestly hahahah. i think a memorable one might be when we were drinking n played games and we talked and talked and joked n nek min one by one we fell asleep in the same room hahah... im sure there are other stories tht might be more eventful but fr the life of me my memorys fuzzy rn lol

33: what’s your fave pastry? i love strawberry shortcakes! or mille crepes

34: tell us about the stuffed animal you kept as a kid. what is it called? what does it look like? do you still keep it? i kept a LOT hahah. prolly named a few, but nothing was too special. i think it rly reflected how i managed my relationships then, n evn yrs aftwds, like i ws always lonely n my instincts were to gain quantity cos deep down i cudnt trust ppl n cudnt get too committed lololol

35: do you like stationary and pretty pens and so on? do you use them often? i wish i was cos sometimes ppl wud make pretty colorful notes, but i usually just buy ones tht i wud use cos practicality.

36: which band’s sound would fit your mood right now? mmmmm is it cheating if i say nct cos they cover a range of genres lmao. but their ballads i guess yeah.

37: do you like keeping your room messy or clean? i mean i prefer to keep it clean, but its always really messy HAHAHA ;_;

38: tell us about your pet peeves! 1. someone rude 2. someone who doesnt know how to respect others’ boundaries 3. someone self-entitled n takes themselves 2 seriously

39: what color do you wear the most? black on black on black on black baby

40: think of a piece of jewelry you own: what’s it’s story? does it have any meaning to you? an evangelion ring, its the black (lilith) moon with lcl gem in it, to me i guess symbolizes my struggle with human relations, n how eva as an anime illustrated tht n the fantasy of having everyone’s consciousness merged into one--n the fact that lilith in itself (in astrology) signifies the darker side of a human being? i guess n the fact that evn if u acknowledge ur darker side u cud still use it to further urself

41: what’s the last book you remember really, really loving? hmmmm i guess last was a self help book, unfuck your boundaries, helped me support my need to strengthen my boundaries

42: do you have a favorite coffee shop? describe it! little rogue :) its in a small alleyway, a little quaint shop, easy to miss... small potted plants, with an amaaazing matcha latte

43: who was the last person you gazed at the stars with? siiigh a guy i was involved with lmfao i cut him off tho

44: when was the last time you remember feeling completely serene and at peace with everything? hmmmmm good question i guess lately ive been very thankful tht i could feel comfortable taking my own time and space, n accepting the positive energy others wn give 2 me. being single really, really does help evn tho id feel lonely sometimes, bc the only weight i carry is the weight of my own soul n i wn learn how to nourish that

45: do you trust your instincts a lot? very i think

46: tell us the worst pun you can think of. i have a lot HAHAHA if u were a friend of mine ud prolly get tired of them. a genuinely bad one wud be haha youre so punny lmfao

47: what food do you think should be banned from the universe? nothing rly lmao if theyre healthy n someone derives happiness frm it i wudnt want it to be banned

48: what was your biggest fear as a kid? is it the same today? probably not lol, i mean i think i retained similar fears since i ws a kid but now obviously my biggest fear(s) would be more...specific to me

49: do you like buying CDs and records? what was the last one you bought? its the digital age baby spotify ftw (in all srsness i wish i collected vinyls tho hh)

50: what’s an odd thing you collect? i used to collect ramune bottles lmaoooo

51: think of a person. what song do you associate with them? hmmmm nah lets not do this right now lol

52: what are your favorite memes of the year so far? LOL too many but i love shitpost quality memes tbh

53: have you ever watched the rocky horror picture show? heathers? beetlejuice? pulp fiction? what do you think of them? pulp fiction. i actually loved it, i think i still do, its entertainment value is kickass, havent taken the time to dissect it in any other way

54: who’s the last person you saw with a true look of sadness on their face? oh man i think it ws the dude i ws seeing lmao fk him

55: what’s the most dramatic thing you’ve ever done to prove a point? a lot, n most of them im not proud of, cos some involves self harm

56: what are some things you find endearing in people? kindness n genuineness, someone’s courage in being vulnerable

57: go listen to bohemian rhapsody. how did it make you feel? did you dramatically reenact the lyrics? dont feel like it rn but everytime i do 10/10 will dramatically reenact the lyrics right to the guitar riffs

58: who’s the wine mom and who’s the vodka aunt in your group of friends? why? im definitely the wine (aunt) lmfaooo im already one tbh 

59: what’s your favorite myth? Eros + Psyche, Icarus and the sun

60: do you like poetry? what are some of your faves? i love poetry hahah...cant think of any rn

61: what’s the stupidest gift you’ve ever given? the stupidest one you’ve ever received? id love any gift given 2 me as long as they wont harm me or anything lmao n i dont think ive evr given anything too stupid. well.. idk if this is stupid tho like i sent flowers thanking my ex for ‘helping me live’ well aft we’ve blocked each other off cos the end to the relo was js daaamn toxic lmao

62: do you drink juice in the morning? which kind? nope

63: are you fussy about your books and music? do you keep them meticulously organized or kinda leave them be? music i do spotify n im pretty particular ab organizing my playlists i guess. my books im alright with as long as theyre just stacked properly no problem

64: what color is the sky where you are right now? prolly rly dark blue cos its 12 am

65: is there anyone you haven’t seen in a long time who you’d love to hang out with? a lot tbh cos ive rly been focusing on stuff internally

66: what would your ideal flower crown look like? daisies, sunflowers, n baby breath here n there

67: how do gloomy days where the sky is dark and the world is misty make you feel? somber i guess maybe a tad bit nostalgic?

68: what’s winter like where you live? heeella cold not cos of the temperature itself but the winds thooo, if it drizzles evn in the slightest it feels like needles piercing through ur bones literally

69: what are your favorite board games? i like the game of life, ummm cards against humanity?

70: have you ever used a ouija board? no n never will lol

71: what’s your favorite kind of tea? the fruity kinds

72: are you a person who needs to note everything down or else you’ll forget it? yea def lol

73: what are some of your worst habits? disappearing from people when i feel strong emotions

74: describe a good friend of yours without using their name or gendered pronouns. they’re small but they’re so full of love, full of life, full of strength, and full of care for others, they’re the type of person who will seek their goals till the end despite obstacles and still be able to not lose their warm heart on the way. they put so much thought and care to every aspect of their life even when in the past they have been handed some bad things, and i adore them for that.

75: tell us about your pets! none :( wish i have a cat though

76: is there anything you should be doing right now but aren’t? hahahhaah

77: pink or yellow lemonade? pink!

78: are you in the minion hateclub or fanclub? neither sometimes i think theyre weird sometimes cute sometimes weirdly cute lmao

79: what’s one of the cutest things someone has ever done for you? write up 24 things they love about me to stop me from hating myself

80: what color are your bedroom walls? did you choose that color? if so, why? white. no but if i had to id say white anyways lol cos its a blank canvas

81: describe one of your friend’s eyes using the most abstract imagery you can think of. i dunno uhhhh her rounded eyes which seemed to at first glance, harbor plenty of wonder seemed to be weighted by many untold secrets, the traces of which could be found when she erupts into laughter where the wonder would manifest itself in the form of small stars in the dark of her eyes.

82: are/were you good in school? meh. i try

83: what’s some of your favorite album art? weirdly i like cigarette after sex’s one cos its so simple yet telling

84: are you planning on getting tattoos? which ones? planning on getting an evangelion one, another heart one, a sunflower one, and prolly a ghibli related one

85: do you read comics? what are your faves? manga? naruto 4evr LOL

86: do you like concept albums? which ones? hmmm thinkin of dpr live’s IAOT

87: what are some movies you think everyone should watch at least once in their lives? lord of the rings, harry potter, one of ghibli movies lol

88: are there any artistic movements you particularly enjoy? i think impressionism is very cool evn tho i dont do it myself

89: are you close to your parents? eeeeee

90: talk about your one of you favorite cities. Melbourne is a wonderful city where many things could coexist in one--happiness and sadness, camaraderie and loneliness, hot and cold, quiet and full of life, productive and relaxed, bursting with unfocused energy yet incredibly organized, and for many reasons it’s become one of my favorite cities, and definitely my favorite to live in.

91: where do you plan on traveling this year? no plans tbh lol maybe home?.......japan? heheheh nahhh

92: are you a person who drowns their pasta in cheese or a person who barely sprinkles a pinch? it depends lol mostly i guess drowns my pasta in cheese

93: what’s the hairstyle you wear the most? i always wear it down, either straight or wavy

94: who was the last person you know to have a birthday? a friend of mine

95: what are your plans for this weekend? stay in most likely, do stuff

96: do you install your computer updates really quickly or do you procrastinate on them a lot? 100% procrastinate lmaoooo

97: myer briggs type, zodiac sign, and hogwarts house? ISTG, jkjk INFP, leo sun aquarius moon cancer rising, ravenclaw

98: when’s the last time you went hiking? did you enjoy it? im alws meh ab hiking tbh lmao 

99: list some songs that resonate to your soul whenever you hear them. Long Slow Distance - NCT 127, Four - Sleeping At Last, idontwannabeyouanymore - Billie Eilish, Stop This Train - John Mayer, Digital Lover - Crush

100: if you were presented with two buttons, one that allows you to go 5 years into the past, the other 5 years into the future, which one would you press? why? 5 years into the past so she’d stop focusing her life around anybody else but herself

[malinka-nostalgia]

August 29, 2018

These are some powerful words I read from Wasted by Marya Hornbacher. And I relate completely. Not to the eating disorder part. But to everything else. Mostly my past dating life and where I’m at right now. 

I’ve never been in a normal relationship before. Therefore I did not have a good baseline or foundation. I’ve never had a good example either. What I have had plenty of however is plenty of low self esteem. Insecurity. I’ve had so many crushes in middle school and high school. But being a dorky girl whose first language was not English, it was hard to approach anyone. 

When I did finally get into relationships there was always something wrong with them. Junior year in high school, I fell head over heels for a goth guy who had a girlfriend. He flirted with me nonetheless. Never made a move though. Then his gf cheated on him. And we kind of became friends with benefits. Nothing official. He was always amazed at how I was 17 and still a virgin. Obviously it didn’t go anywhere. I was a lot more religious than I am now. I wasn’t gonna have sex with him. And I just let him use me for everything else. Making out and transportation. This went on for maybe 2-3 months so it’s somewhat significant. Finally he broke it off with me. At the mall. Then I found out he was making out with some other girl. Like 20 mins after breaking things off with me. Pretty sure he was two timing me for a while. 

First year in college. Got a real boyfriend. Real deal. I was in love with him. Stupid teenage love. Met at a high school bible camp. I was a part of the worship team and he was there with his mom’s high school church group. It was long distance but it’s like we were mad about each other. He introduced me to foreplay. I’ve never gotten this physical with anyone before. This made me even more attached to him. I saw a couple of early red flags however. He would kinda snap at me over text. I later found out he’s depressed. I tried to be there for him because I was so attached to him. Didn’t wanna lose him. He was having a spiritual crisis. I’m not allowed to date non-SDAs, but I loved him and didn’t wanna leave him. 6 months into our dating, his parents sell their house and they move to NC. Even more long distance than we started. He’s even more depressed. Pays less attention to me. Likes other girls pictures on myspace/facebook but ignores mine. I feel unimportant. I cry. I confront him. He makes me feel stupid for getting mad about this. I get depressed. Relationship is a mess. Finally ends when he moves in with some girl. He breaks up with me so he could “take care of her” because her life’s a mess. I’m depressed, I start using drugs to deal with it. I try to move on by hooking up with other guys. Just foreplay, never all the way. Was trying to save that for marriage.

I’m 22. I meet a guy in a ceramics lab. Gorgeous guy. Choppy hair. Awesome tats. Nostril piercing. And an amazing artist. We hit it off, talking about some art and music. Go outside to smoke a cigarette. He gives me his business card, says we should paint together sometime. A few days later I hit him up. Go to his house and we paint together on the same canvas. Next time we hangout again. I’m thinking this is just gonna be another one of those hookups I’ve been having. We get into some foreplay. He gets a little controlling with what he likes. Later on he texts me saying something like, if we’re gonna continue to do this (hook up) I need to shave my vagina, straighten my hair, wear makeup, etc. Instead of saying goodbye to his shallow ass, I agree. We hangout some more. He pressures me into sex. I try to say no. He rubs his dick on me and I get paranoid from getting pregnant from pre-cum. So I say ok whatever, put on a condom and lets just do this. He does that. I finally lose my virginity. Doesn’t work for him though. He hates condoms. He has to do it with it off. He gets pissed cause he can’t stay hard and gets angry at me for not trusting him to pull out. I don’t have insurance. I pay $250 to see a gyno and get a scrips for birth control. He has it his way. I get stuck in a ~2-3 year relationship with a controlling guy who abused me emotionally and used me as much as he could. I could write another whole long post about how much he tortured me. And yet I couldn’t leave him because break ups are hard and I’m weak. In fact, I’d rather almost kill myself from heroin to deal with his abuse than break up with him. Finally I break up with him. Over text. I know, it’s not the right way to do it. But he is so manipulative. I’ve broken up with him before and he pretty much talked me back into it.

A few months after that was over. I found a guy on facebook by accident. We started talking. I thought he was so amazing. A complete opposite of the last guy. We had so much in common. He was so respectful. It felt so good to talk to a guy who likes me who does not put me down and does not put his needs before mine. Someone who cared about things I like. Liked the songs I liked. Also long distance. But when we finally met things moved too fast. I think it was the third date, we had sex. I was absolutely drunk. Because I need to drink to socialize with people I don’t know very well because of my old friend social anxiety. It didn’t feel right though. The next morning I felt like shit. We still hung out. Later that day I got drunk again. Almost blackout drunk. And we had sex again. He wasn’t drunk. The next day I felt so dirty. I know he wasn’t meaning any harm but it felt like I was taken advantage of. I told him we need to slow things down and take a step back. To be just friends and build it up from there. He didn’t like that and went a little nuts. Whatever. He lives far away and doesn’t even have his own car.

I’m 26. In nursing school. Very shy. There’s a guy in my clinical group. Very good looking. Clearly takes care of himself. Ladies man. Works out. Great hygiene, great sense of style. Kind of a neat freak, likes to me in control of his life. Excellent social skills. Very funny. I get a lil crush on him. We have a group chat on WhatsApp, among my clinical group. I get his number. Add him on snapchat. He starts talking to me. We get close. I invite him to my bday party. We get drunk. I lead him to my friend’s guest room and we end up making out and so on. Not going all the way. Yet. It was hella fun. For both of us. However, when I brought up to him the next day that I like him, he said he’s not looking for a relationship because he’s too busy with school, work, and gym. Ok, whatever. Made me a little sad but ok. We still hung out a lot, were hooking up, eventually all the way. We spent a lot of time together. We texted every single day. Everything we were doing, it was like we were a couple. But without a label. I liked him a lot. He was more than just those hookups I’ve had in the past. I felt like we were actually friend too. I thought there was a strong bond. That is, till he went behind my back all summer and started hooking up with one of my closest friends. Later I found out he hooked up with a couple girls in the nursing program too. While he was hooking up with me. I felt so betrayed and so stupid. I knew we weren’t official but I thought, as a friend, he wouldn’t do that to me. 

Every relationship I listen was fucked up. Every relationship tore a little piece of my soul. Every time I did drugs to deal with it made me more and more desensitized. I’ve become more and more like a zombie.

Now, relating to those quotes I posted from Wasted.

I’m 27 years old. I meet a guy from a dating app. Amazing guy. Funny. Cute. Has a real badass job - a firefighter. We have a lot in common. Go on a few dates. Then it becomes official. Feels kinda weird. I haven’t had an official boyfriend since my first boyfriend in college. That’s 8 years ago. Anyway. Tried hooking up with him. This guy’s almost like a virgin. Only had sex with one girl. Makes me look kinda bad, compared to my 6 sex partners. So obviously, this guy’s inexperienced kinda. Never even foreplayed before. I had to teach him things. Got some of it down. Tried having sex once. Didn’t workout. Not even sure he put the condom on correctly. After attempting for like 5 mins but which felt like 30, we decided this is not the night. I’m not used to this. I’ve never been the “experienced” one in the hookup. Feels like I’m hooking up with someone much younger than me even though he’s older. Not his fault. He tried to wait till marriage too, cept he lost his v-card like a year or two ago. This guy’s pretty much pure. Literally, nothing he’s doing is wrong. And there’s room for learning. So I try to move past it. It’s no big deal. Other than that, he’s got a golden personality. Such a gentleman. Takes me out, tried pulling a chair out for me, pays for me, just all those little gestures, being respectful. Very sweet. He even got interested in my religion and started going to church with me. Which no guy I’ve dated would EVER do. But it’s normal. And I’m not normal. I’m not used to this. This is foreign to me. He likes me too much. I’m his wallpaper on his phone. It freaks me out. I’m too nice to say anything about it. I don’t wanna hurt his feelings. He’s already done so much for me. He went as far as meeting my scary family. Oh and my family likes him. Which is also a new concept to me. I didn’t dare introduce anyone to my family since my first college boyfriend. I’ve been going behind their backs to meet up with guy because I knew they wouldn’t approve. This guy treats me right. He’s not a douche. But I tend to find little pet peeves in certain things he does to push myself away from him. Which is ridiculous considering I let a guy treat me like shit for 2 years. Twice. Now my mom is getting all excited about me dating someone. Starts bringing up marriage. I fucking can’t. I already feel so uncomfortable. This normal behavior does not feel normal to me. It all happened too fast. I feel like we missed a “friend” stage. This is exactly why I hate dating apps. You already know you’re interested in each other. You skip the friend stage. You skip wondering “I wonder if he likes me” or trying to impress someone. You swiped right or whatever, you started talking, you went on dates, and you’re like “ok I could date this person, I like them”. It just does not seem genuine. Did he know I’d be such a spazz with anxiety when we became official? No he did not. Maybe if we remained just friend for longer he would know. He wants to me a dad one day. Idk if I could be a mom. I feel like I have at least 3 mental illnesses going on right now. Depression, anxiety, maybe a little mix of PTSD and OCD. I’m insane. I don’t want to put anyone through what my first college boyfriend put me through. I don’t wish all that permanent brain damage upon anyone.

I don’t know what’s gonna happen now. I just hung out with him. We watched a movie. And he wanted to get cuddley or whatever. I couldn’t do it. Any time he touched me today my muscles would get tense. I got so anxious. He asked me what’s wrong. I said I don’t feel touchy. He asked why. I said I’m depressed. Then it just got worse. My mouth got dry. Sympathetic system going crazy. I had to leave. I needed to calm down. I went by the gas station and bought a pack of cigarettes probably for the first time in a year. I went to Danny’s house and hung out with him and Mike. I didn’t wanna go home until I calmed down. I needed to be around someone who did not expect any loving gesture from me. I needed to be around someone I could be my own stupid self and not hurt anyone’s feelings. 

I don’t want to be in a relationship. I don’t want anyone’s feelings depending on me. I can really hurt people. Not because I want to. But because they get so invested in me and start to care about me and then when they see me suffer it hurts them. After all those shitty relationships I’ve learned to take care of myself and be emotionally independent. And I’m so so scared that I’m always gonna be like that. I’m gonna end up alone because I’m too scared to let anyone else in. I’m sick in the head. And sadly, so so sadly, it’s become normal for me.