#stupid little weiner boy

[cedar-eats-poetry]

[tetsunabouquet]

KNB AU: Headcanon

A/N: Today, I will hereby publish my headcanon for which friendgroups would form and what kind of shennanigans would go down if there was an AU where everyone attended the same school (and I literally mean everyone from the Japanese schools). Ignore logistics.

-Kise and Takao would be close friends. Kise would happily oblige whenever Takao wishes to prank Midorima, and these two are the bane of Midorima's existence. -Momoi would be the Gretchen Weiner of the school. She knows everything on everyone which is why people are afraid to mess with her. Yet she's popular because she's such a sweetheart. She'd remain close with Aomine but I definitely feel like she'd develop a strong friendship with Reo Mibuchi too. -Kotaro and Izuki would be the school clowns, generally having fun around the school together and annoying people with their stupid jokes. Every once in a while, Teppei Kiyoshi joins them if he feels like the school could use a more light-hearted atmosphere. -Considering Momoi and Riko would be the coach and manager respectively, all the boys will have banded together to force annual cooking classes on them before those girls get everyone killed. -Mibuchi also recruits Sakurai to his friend group. They love making adorable dishes and sweets together. -Haizaki seldomly gets in trouble at school. Why? Because Hanamiya is on the Disciplinary Comittee and enjoys watching Haizaki's chaos unfold. Why should he get his hands dirty when Haizaki is already doing things for him? -They once held an eating competition between Nebuya and Murasakibara. -Because of his laziness, Aomine gets punished a lot by Riko. -Though Riko trusts Hyuga and Kasamatsu to keep Kise's antics in line. -Takao is a bit more of a smooth talker to get himself out of trouble compared to most of the other mischief makers. -Even after graduation, Kimura continous to supply Riko with fruit to throw at players. -Akashi's original personality actually holds very deep respect for Riko's skill to coach at such a young age and tries to become friends with her. -Himuro often joins Kagami and Kuroko during lunch time, and Kuroko often learns some interesting information about Kagami's childhood he uses for trolling purposes. -Aomine plays with Nigou very often and even gives him little gifts, which makes Kuroko wonder if Aomine is trying to steal his dog. -Midorima hates Nigou almost as much as Kagami does, it surprisingly ended in a few bonding moments. -There's nothing scarier then the day the team get split up in two for practise and Hanamiya and Akashi get to be the respective captains of each team. These two are playing basketball at extreme strategic levels that could make chess masterminds shake in their boots. Their practice competitions are scarier then anything Jabberwock could throw at them. -Wakamatsu developped an addiction to valerian pills, because of their calming nature. His team contains too many personalities that tick him off.

[littlecornerinbrooklyn]

*of the quotes that fit in these stupid little boxes

[the-firebird69]

Watch "Crosby, Stills & Nash perform "Wooden Ships" at the 1997 Hall of Fame Induction Ceremony" on YouTube

You know our son is right this guy bja is a fool and we can't stand him either he's going on the list to be killed you don't want to do anything it makes sense Mac is in a reverse to losing part of The shield so you can sit there and threaten try and fire off and fight Tommy instead you want to be nothing and trying to attack here with ships that are really slow compared to theirs and complete sitting ducks. No your people hurt our son and Trump's people and Trump is going to load his boat up and you can't fly off the wrong direction you just sail and Michael know that you're just going to sail down there and not attack the states he doesn't care that much doesn't want you flying up and ruining those ships it's some kind of plan not really sure what it is. So you're going to just fly right at the cannons it's some sort of complete moron any reason for that at all no you're definitely going to die you have a troops and your ship is on what is your reasoning it's a distraction not much of a distraction that you slow and distraction would be fine really wiggle all over you don't have any on board and you're a fool I'm tired of talking to you you're a complete jackass and you're an animal you don't look like when I'm sometimes but you sound like an animal all the time good boy you a stupid person bja and he's right we're wasting time talking to you so dumb I want you off the air I don't want to talk to you at all you're an airhead you can't see this math you don't understand this man you are the dumbest person I've ever seen a lot of people hate your kind so much they don't care what happens. My son doesn't care love the shifts teach little f****** weiner right now there's a whole bunch of people fighting over those ships and he's doing it on purpose cuz a lot of your people are helping him apparently you're not so you're fired. It's not a tactical decision that's suicide its wood. They did not work it's not worth talking to them but he says this y'all stupid they never make it over here there's something called spaceships have you heard of them and they say yeah we heard of them we're taking them down and said no you're not none of you make it who told you you're taking them down and they started yelling we see them going down those are your ships and you have small fleets now by comparison and you're fools and they're not even trying to we're not saying anything to you about it except that your ships so they look like empire ships you don't know what the difference did not empire ships coming down the airships and their support and they suck what's wrong with you people you're so dumb you're so f****** dumb I want to come over there and strangle all of you go to the island and something for those wooden ships you f****** pricks or shut the f****** and die like men

So we're starting to hear something get off my channel you going to butt f*** yourself to death you're at you're complete loser I don't want to hear you about anything you hearing stuff good for you all of you hear voices all day cuz you're running around having people say stupid dumb things

This is the epitome of evil here these people so mean to him we've got a lot of stuff to say about it but we want to get going on this they're going to fly their a****** ships over here and they're all going to die and those ships are going to explode into flames they sent the song back and they're going to see it in many occasions and yelling like it's a good thing and Garth is going off like some sort of maniac. The guy who's singing and hollering and is joyful is cheeseman and he's an idiot it's his troops too and Trump is singing no that's Brad and it is Tommy f the other singer yeah so what's Trump doing f****** around with everybody his other drums banging away like a monkey I can't believe these people don't get this this is putting them into a different category of stupid you can't do anything but be huge assholes to each other no matter what and Tommy F wanted you to make it and he wants to make the ships and was happy about it and our son was hoping to have something happen different instead of going on Killian women and making fun of them and you're just completely gone I'm putting order and hits when you jackass is here

Thor Freya

I'm sick and tired of you dumb retards you put things on his phone it doesn't make any sense you full of gibberish and you're going to kill yourself in front of everyone how embarrassing

Mac

I don't care what you say we're going to do what we want to do

Bja

Did you get nothing from me and mine ever bja I'm going to disable all your missiles every time you build them right after you're done I'm going to take your stupid money you get no support nor does Trump you're cut off from everything until you people are dust that island is going to be a hell hole I don't want you here I don't want you there I want you all dead and you get the f*** out of here too

Zues Hera

We're not going to give you a chance to do anything cuz you don't want one you're a little boy little baby a little sissy I'm going to make you feel it and see it you've been when your whole life

Thor Freya

We are going to cut you off going to start doing it now I'm going to help with the blockade I'm going to slaughter you everyone in the Earth is going to slaughter you now he said in the order out and having Hera write it we don't want to see you around. We really don't feel bad for you and yours your cannibals and your subhuman and your nasty pieces of crap and we want you gone now I'm going to apply ourselves he needs help from you you're the problem

Olympus

[beelzebubbutachef]

What if Yuu accidentally summon a child from a unknown timeline ?! Part 2

< 01 || ... || 03 >

To the readers who commented and made me post this cause I love comments. Your usernames aren't appearing wth. Sorry. Thanks for reading the part one! Hope you all have a good reading with this one too. Btw. I would like to explain this now. Romance don't happen in few words. Currently vil and Yuu relationship is like on rock bottom. There's more part where we explore the fan process of how their relationship bloom! Free to comment a name for the mini vil.

Searching for a child in a school of villains never been so easy with the trails of broken weiners and eggnogs, as well sparkle with dazzling sound of camera clicking and others misery.

You watch the nth victim groaning in pain and click your camera to take a photo. For memorial of this wonderful day! *Insert evil laugh.

You then continue your way to search for the mini vil. The new Menace of society.

"you little boy, stop right there! By the order of the principal. Your coming with me!' you heard a familiar voice of a tyrant of the card soldiers. You then sneakily went to look at the direction. You want to look what's happening before you join the mess.

You saw riddle and the mini vil staring at one another. You saw the tension in the air, somehow you wanted to eat popcorn at that moment

"bonjour, Trickster Yuu-kun. Care for a popcorn?"

..." you stared at the person offering you the one thing in your mind right now, remember how creepy you are right now and this person more creepy and odd behavior. You just accepted it and continue watching the show with rook.

"have you seen Petit ange~?" Your senior ask you before looking at you and the child who's having a lovely chat with riddle. "Same colored eyes as trickster! Oh my is this a sign?" He says flamboyantly.

You just stared at him and look back at the scene. You felt cringe as you realize this senior of yours think this kid probably come from distance future where you and that world class model Vil schoenheit who you never talk to if not needed because his time is expensive, did the did and in comes a child who broke jewels and back bone of each generation.

"you do know I'm not from this world? Something like falling in love to a person who probably fear, I'll leave one day for the people I left behind in my world... probably the worse kind of love they will have to experience." You blankly stated to your senior. He seems surprised by your words yet his smile return not long after.

"oh my so a relationship with you is a hopeless thought?" He tap his hat hiding his expression for moment from your view before he stared at some direction before gazing back to the scene behind the bushes.

"OFF WITH--!!!" Loud yell that come to a stop when riddle quickly dodge the attempt of high jump kick of the Kong fo kid, mini vil.

"bleeeeh stupid. You chanting your spell is a waste of time. Bye bye tomato uncle." Once again the child run off but at least riddle family tree is safe.

You can clearly see riddle temper is getting the best of him as his face turn redder than his hair in anger and his grip on his magic pen tighten.

You suddenly felt fear what will happen to the cute adorable child if he piss more people he shouldn't. His already on the hunting list of two dorm leader, what if he anger the worse of the dorm leaders? Cough Leona who hate kids and Azul with his mafia-- I mean leech twins?

"come trickster Yuu! We need to chase the petit ange!" You don't even take a photo of riddle yet but rook have dragged you to chase the child. Your popcorn also fallen to the group. Rip. Your not even eaten a bite of it yet.

"YUUUUUU!!!"

" PREFECTTTTTT"

"HUMANNNNN!!"

After running around the ground with rook in search of little adorable manice angel, your group of first year troublemaker friends come running toward your direction in a worry pasted on their faces. Rook who let go of your hand and continue to search for the kid left you to chat with your friends.

"hey Yuu are you ok?" Deuce ask you in worry as he stopped in front of you. He look around you and sigh in relief when he notice nothing is off place or wounded. Jack who you heard sigh in relief beside epel scratches his ears but stayed silent the whole time. but he is glad your not hurt.

"see, prefect is perfectly fine, juice~ you worry for nothin." (Ace)

"weren't ya the one worryin too much ya shit ya face from runnin?" Epel who accidentally let out his accent of his hometown come out but since it's your group of friends, you all get use to it. The poison apple evilly smile while exposing ace worries.

"... Of course! There's a wild demon running around the campus. I heard from others, everyone get their dick kicked very badly, they all sent to the nurse office after meeting the demon. So I'm pretty worried too...but" Ace says before he laugh. " I WANNA SEE IT HAPPEN CAUSE ITS PRETTY FUNNY AHAHAHA." He added his true intentions.

"what an evil human. For the young lord safety I most search the child and erase them before they cause harm to the young lord! *Insert long dialogue about his young lord glory bluh bluh Bluh." Sebek the new member of your group rise his voice and his eyebrow looking at ace.

You take your camera from your pocket and signal ace to come closer. He seems to realize something and quickly come beside you and look at the picture and videos you recorded earlier.

"HOLY--AHAHAHAHA." His laughter's stopped sebek from talking and caught the others attention who is force to listen to sebek endless dialogue as a good friend. Actually they were just checking their phone for more news, no one listens enough to know the A to Z words of sebek. They probably stop at D.

"what's that?...dang that gotta hurt." Deuce who stared behind ace shoulder wince at the clip ace probably watching, but a evil smile appear on his face. " Through...That kid have good moves!" He give a thumbs up. The former delinquent have given his approval with a wide smile.

"why you do you even record that?" You heard jack voice of disapproval and disappointment from the tone of his. Epel and sebek already looking at the clip as well. "Your really fitting in too much at this school..." He sigh the nth time today.

"I'm not a saint. and being little bad makes me human. Human is both good and bad because that's what we are." You says with a smirk.

"by the way, Yuu... I heard that you know how the kid come to this school." Ace who finish his laughing moment, after sending copies of the image and the videos to his phone like the other three did as well, start to talk to you about important matter.

You realize they wanted to know about how the mini vil come to be and you told them what happen earlier at sir crewel class.

minus the part it's your fault. No one want to know that. Tehee 😜.

KABOOOOMMMMMM

a loud explosion rang out of nowhere and you all ran to the direction where it comes from, quickly. The moment you all arrive there, you saw Ortho readying another power cannon to be shoot toward the direction of the mini vil who dodge the first shoot, by the sight of a broken apple tree.

not far from Ortho is a groaning sight of Idia, who by fate is so unlucky when he finally got out his room forcefully by Ortho and Alice have his lil idia get targeted. His fellow dorm mate, is beside him on the floor but not on pain but laughing his ass off.

You also see the principal crying at the sight of the broke apple tree, and trying to convince Ortho to stop his action of destroying school property.

You felt hopeless. Tears falling in your eyes at this situation.

You could have recorded the scene...

Sanity come back at you when the kid appear before you and Ortho cannon is now directed at you. You tried to make the kid move but he leech on you, he look up to you with a pout and you felt melted by cuteness.

Holy... I guess I'll die.

You heard your friends yelling your name but you accepted your fate very dramatically.

Life was though but I have a good life'

[sunasboyfie]

HALLOWEEN WITH MY FAVS

starring; suna rintaro, miya osamu, tsukishima kei

a/n; idek why im making this its literally july

♡ suna would probably not wanna go trick or treating with you tbh? unless u /absolutely/ were set on dressing up in costumes and going out, he would just rather put a bowl out for trick or treaters and watch a movie with you! he loves the tim burton films sm!! nightmare before christmas, weiner dog (IS THAT THE NAME ?) and sweeny todd r his favs! but, if u make him go trick or treating w u, he would want do some stupid couple costumes like this one

♡ miya would give a little girl food poisoning for undercooking the onigiri 💔. so he just runs to a food market to get a big bag of candy for the kids. but!! he would def trick or treat and take it so seriously- maybe too seriously??? like hes probably the type to go to every house in the neighborhood just so u have a hole 2 bags full of candy, just so ure happy!! and so he can out-do his twin

♡ tsukkis another boy whod just rather sit on ur comfy couch and watch movies, although he prefers musicals?? he really likes beetlejuice for 'halloween' musicals, and edward siccorhands (even though i dont think its a musical?) too!! he refuses to dress up, but he'll come with you to make sure "you don't get into trouble" but he really just wants to see ur eyes light up when u get more candy than the 7 year olds next to you

[miamontcya]

MIA MONTOYA: AN INTRODUCTION

Full Name: Mia Montoya

Age: 24

Birthdate: December 27th 1974

Gender: Trans woman (she/her)

Sexuality: Bisexual

Occupation: International relations student

Traits: + ambitious, organised, dedicated | - jealous(!), dishonest, obsessive, overcritical

Astrological placements: Capricorn sun, gemini moon, gemini rising

Inspiration: [Paris Geller (Gilmore Girls), Blair Waldorf (Gossip Girl), Tracy Flick (Election), Nina Sayers (Black Swan), Annie Edison (Community), that one unhinged Gretchen Weiners speech] 

The Skeleton

Fuck that bitch, Belle Goode!

Mia still remembers the day they locked eyes at rush; the day she met her mortal enemy. From that point on it was a constant cycle of competition - over GPA's, or boys! Over who had the perfect white dress for their sisterhood ceremonies, and who could plan the best parties. When it came down to choosing the next president of Lambda Rho, the girls would have been stupid to think that they wouldn't be in direct competition with each other over the coveted spot.

They fought tooth and nail - they campaigned so hard over the Lambda Rho Iota house that the rest of the girl's thought it might be the start of WWIII. Eventually, though, Belle Goode won the title, and so did her annoying little minion, Pilar Hamilton. It was at that moment that Mia swore her revenge... Even if she wasn't exactly sure how she would accomplish that not-so-little feat of justice yet.

Oh well. Maybe she'll find a new friend to help her.

For now, she's just going to focus on having a kick ass senior year, and avoiding her brother - Johnny Montoya - at all costs! She loves him to death, but who needs that losers stink all over her public reputation, right?

General 

Basically all you really need to know about Mia can be summarised in her obsession with figure skating in the early 1990s and the rivalry between Nancy Kerrigan and Tonya Harding. Mia’s first crush was Tonya and she’d watch every single competition - right until Nancy’s accident. It was this that’d prove one thing; the blonde in the leotard with the pretty blue eyes that you could just get lost in will always hire someone to attempt to shatter your knee if given the chance no matter how beautiful they may be. 

But even before her figure skating obsession, she’d always been a girl who knew what she wanted in life from an early age. When she was a kid she had a very clear roadmap that reached well into the future, mapping out every detail of how she wanted her life to go. Like all good girlbosses that came before her, it went something like: 

Convince her parents to give her a little sister 

Get the latest My Little Pony from the store 

Go to an ivy league 

Be her own representation and become senator. 

President. 

And she wasn’t about to let anyone stand in the way of any one of those things. Although this roadmap has become more refined with age (mostly u know... when she didn’t get the grades for an ivy league), it has stayed with her. 

Thankfully, her parents were incredibly supportive of her dreams growing up, whether it be honing her interest in figure skating or helping carry her bags of designer clothes to the car, and although they did NOT give her a little sister, they did have her little brother, Johnny, instead. Although Johnny was (sometimes) great, he didn’t reach Mia’s picture perfect image of sisterhood. So in went ‘join a sorority’ to Mia’s life plan. 

Although really, by the time she arrived at CCU and started pledging Lambda Rho, the reality of actually being in a sorority really brought Mia’s competitive side to a new high. 

It was less so of a sisterhood for her and more of a way of networking her way to the tippity top. 

So much so that despite competing with Belle for the highest GPA, her grades FELL OFF a cliff during the campaign and she forged her letter of recommendation for her summer internship to make up for it (a girlboss has 2 do what a girlboss has 2 do). Does she feel bad about it? Hell no! The roadmap comes first and a lacklustre transcript does not make a future president! 

Anyway yeah now she just sits around in a quiet, seething, rage (as we’ve probably all gathered by now anyway???) plotting revenge... it’d be v. feral woman of her if it weren’t for the fact she does it while wearing Dior. 

Extras

I do not watch true crime at all so I’m no expert but she most definitely watches those late night crime prevention style shows

Obsessed with image and how things will reflect on her and WILL throw her sisters under the bus if they end up staining her reputation!

Would 110% marry for money before love

In addition to Alice’s hand-me-down inspirational posters lining her walls at Lambda Rho, she also has little framed pictures of her girlboss icons (yes she bought the frames herself and probably... hand decorated them) 

I base all of my characters off songs and Mia’s is Oh No! by Marina (Casey’s is Naeem by Bon Iver if anyone’s super curious)

[kalofi]

Kalofi, my love! My dearest fellow Gay! Do you have any pets? If so, could you please describe them in excruciating detail? If not, then if you could have any kind of pet what would it be? :>

I DONT HAVE ANY PETS 😭 but i can tell u about all the pets ive had throughout my life!! i cant telp u years bc im bad at remembering that but i can tell u thru places we've lived!

virginia we had two goldfish! bubbles and goldie. bubbles was white with some black spots and goldoe was. gold. they didnt do much, being fish and all. we had to give em to our neighbours when we moved theyre probably long deas by now :(

brasil we had a doggy!! he was a bichon frise and his name was oscar! short for oscar meyer weiner, like the hot dog. which is weird in retrospect bc he didnt even look close to a weenie dog so the bame didnt make sense but whatever lol. we had him for three years while we stayed in brasil but gave him to some family friends when we moved :( hes still alive and kickin tho! we get updates from our friends every once in a while and he's doin great 😋👍🏽

in ethiopia we had a cat! her name was willow and she was a calico cat. she was originally a stray but kept coming onto our property and she was so so small. at first i didnt like her (this was when i was going thru my stupid 'i hate all cats' phase. as u can tell ive grown out of that) but eventually she grew on me. when we moved we gave her away to our gardener cuz he had a real soft spot for her too. shes also still alive and well!

in zimbabwe we had 11 cats. now let me explain. a mama cat came and had babies in a tree stump in our front yard then just ditched them. there were 4 little dinkies there so we begged our parents to let us care for them n they said fine. unfortunately the runt of the group died :( but the rest survived. there was a boy and two girls. they had names but i just called em all cat or variations of kitty lol. so now we had three cats and bc we didnt get the boy neutered the two girl cats got pregnant :/ each mama had four kitties so thats 11 in total!! we tried to take care of all of em for a while but obv it was hard so we gave a few kittens away to friends and the rest went to the animal shelter that our school partnered with!

and yeah thats the history of all the pets we've ever had :)

[rukia-writes]

I had another Kenny dream, expect we were like married this time and arguing cause I wanted him to make a few ramps (Cause I had a construction worker come out to build me something else while we were dating {Dreams are wack af btw cause how do I have memories from dating a fictional character to use in arguments while we're married?} and Kenny got pissy cause "First man you should've asked to do this for ya is me" and cause he didn't want me to spend money on it so Kenny fired the guy and Kenny finished the rest of the project for me) for around the house and the front and back porch for my wiener dog (And like two or three more weiner dogs cause Kenny got me more for a gift for our wedding night/anniversaries, Christmas, and my birthday so I was living in heaven) cause I didn't want them to hurt their backs going down the stairs or jumping off furniture and Kenny's argument was that a REAL dog like his huge hunting dog (That was also my sweet baby boy but also didn't make sense he'd also take the wiener dogs to go hunting with him cause he trained them to hunt and even said, "These little rat dogs are pretty good hunters, to tell ya the truth.") would be able to jump off the couch and bed and go down stairs no problem and he "Ain't gonna make a ramp for a few rats to climb on." but at the same time refused to pay someone to build something cause I was a housewife so I only had money Kenny gave me, which if I ever asked him for money I had to tell him what I wanted to buy unless it was for Christmas cause all I'd have to say is, "Christmas" and he'd just give me the money cause it usually meant I was buying him a gift and I couldn't use that excuse to pay someone to build the ramps cause it was July. We kept arguing and I finally asked if he liked the feel of leather and he was like, "Idc what you wear to turn me on, I'm not doing building a ramp but I'll gladly accept your offer ." and I told him I was asking cause until I get those ramps, he'll be sleeping on the couch while the dogs, and I sleep in the bed and I'll make sure they sleep on his side of the bed to keep me warm and next thing I know we're in Lowe's and he's picking up wood to put on the panel cart and pulling out his credit card to pay for it while grumbling cause, "Damn dogs can't even walk down stairs without being stupid and hurting themselves." and "None of those little shits or my dog are sleeping on my side of the bed" and I woke up happy cause I got my way. Also sorry for the long ask, tried to condense it as much as I could but I have failed again

“Ain't gonna make a ramp for a few rats to climb on.”

That is so Kenny!😆

I love this so much thank you for sharing your dream because omg this gold.

"Idc what you wear to turn me on, I'm not doing building a ramp but I'll gladly accept your offer ." and I told him I was asking cause until I get those ramps, he'll be sleeping on the couch while the dogs, and I sleep in the bed and I'll make sure they sleep on his side of the bed to keep me warm and next thing I know we're in Lowe's and he's picking up wood to put on the panel cart and pulling out his credit card to pay for it while grumbling cause, "Damn dogs can't even walk down stairs without being stupid and hurting themselves."

Omg 😱 this is gold. 😭😭😆

[ziamfanfiction]

Can you rec a few fics that are not appreciated enough? Like.. proper good ones with good writing and stuff.. Because there are so many fics who get so much attention and it's so cool but then there are fics which are honestly really really good, too, but nobody even knows them. And that's a bit sad. The authors are amazing and I think most of them don't even know that. Soooo.. let's get all those authors the attention they deserve!!!

sure! you can check on our hidden gems tag and previous posts about underrated fics 1 /  2

just like that by justemma

Zayn likes watching Liam play rugby.

Doctor Doctor by orgaziam

Zayn doesn't know whether he should thank Louis or kill him.

Based loosely off of the prompt, "I fell down and now I'm on the floor and my friend has a bad sense of humor and called out 'is anyone here a doctor?' and now you're trying to save me."

Not Fade Away by biggrstaffbunch

Liam wants something to keep. Zayn has a lot to give.

Somehow, they muddle along.

Make Up For by JoMouse

For Zayn, it's always been Liam.

Relight My Fire by LibbyWrites

Loving Lieutenant Liam Payne was always the easy part, from day one.The hard part was dealing with the fact that he was never going to be loved back.

It's Always Been You by livingforamiracle

An AU where Liam consistently goes on bad dates only to realize that his favorite dates are the ones where he's holed up in his flat with his best friend Zayn.

From a Mirror by supercalifragili

The idea was really simple sex, really slow and excruciatingly languorous sex, Zayn promised on the phone.

The Sound of Silence by JoMouse

Zayn likes things quiet.

you put your arms around me and i'm home by ellisaco

"So, uh, any idea where we are?" Liam asks, because Zayn is in charge of navigation, always. Liam still sometimes gets lost in London if Zayn isn't there to steer him right. Which, like, that shouldn't be endearing, right? Certainly if Harry called Zayn up on his day off at ten am to ask where the closest ASDA to Zayn's house was, his first reaction would not be to smile at his mobile.

or: Zayn and Liam go on an ice cream date in Madrid.

A happy ending by Comet

Zayn is a masseur at a resort and Liam's neck hurts.

i'd rather die like this by ziamsquad (locked)

prompt: imagine your opt stuck in an elevator after a fight

We'll Go Slow by Ziamsession

This one shot based on a prompt I got from an anon"could you write an inexperienced zayn wants to have sex with liam (b!z if it's ok) an he wants to make it perfect and tries to prepare himself for liam's cock, tries to ride liam but fails... a lot of giggles and an embarrassed zayn but everything gets better when liam helps him and they make love PLEASEEEEEEE"

The Boy Next Door by happily_missy

Zayn and Liam are next door neighbors but they are worlds apart.

Or the Drive Me Crazy AU that no one asked for but I desperately needed

we should have each other with cream by coffeewordangel

Zayn is convinced his new neighbor is harboring a forbidden cat.

got your body on my mind by coffeewordangel

Fill for ziamminds excellent prompt that Jas brought to my attention:

Yoga was not Zayn's thing. The only thing keeping him from walking out of that class is his super hot instructor Liam Payne.

This Land is Mine, I Let You Rule by missberrycake

In which the life Liam and Zayn share together is one founded on lies and deceit.

When two first-class spies get married, they each have to hide their secret from the other. After they’re both assigned to the same target, the truth is finally revealed. Free from their cover, they have to learn to love each other all over again.

i'm not crazy, i'm just a little unwell by redsweater

“You need to get over the fact we haven’t shared everything together babe,” Liam mumbles tired.

Zayns shakes his head, “I do not. Couples must experience everything together. I know smoking our first cigarette together is stupid, but it makes me happy considering I didn’t get drunk with you my first time, nor did I lose my virginity to you.” Zayn gives Liam a pointed look, like he dares him to say something about that topic.

zayn is special, and liam's in love

you (put this spell on me) by outofcases (poppyseedheart)

"What part of ‘don’t touch that’ did you not understand?" asks Zayn, eyes full of fire. He’s standing dangerously still in front of Liam, and while they both know that all of this is a front for how worried and potentially freaked out he is, his anger is still searing hot.

Liam shifts from foot to foot, chastened. His hands are twisted up in front of him, fidgeting, and he’s trying not to break Zayn’s eye contact. ”I didn’t think anything would happen.”

Zayn sighs a long suffering sigh and runs a hand down his face, mumbling something Liam can’t fully hear. It sounds suspiciously like “famous last words.”

Altar'd Perception by Edjumacashun

Zayn finds himself uncontrollably attracted to a goofy, naive, lamb of a boy. As he tries to rationalize his way around this relationship, Liam throws his expections for a loop at every turn.

until the stars are all alight by orphan_account

Liam is a retired former astronaut with the World Space Agency in the year 2134. He was once the ace pilot and pride of Britain until tragedy pushed him out of the service. He's approached by astrophysicist Louis to join a crew that's being assembled to go rescue an astronaut left on the Mars Space Station. This is Zayn Malik. Liam is the only pilot available with the experience necessary to fly a mission to a damaged station.

Slowish burn.

You Can Hear It In The Silence by orphan_account

Five times Zayn and Liam didn't have to say anything at all and the one time they did anyway.

Over Five Months by ZaynCentric

au fic where liam is the popstar and zayn is his uni boyfriend who likes to embarras him when he comes off tour by waiting with all the other fangirls with homemade signs

i hope i'm gonna be by weareonceinalifetime

Five times Zayn kisses Liam on the forehead and one time Liam kisses Zayn.

happy accidents by imstephtacular

“Hi, I, uh…” a voice accompanying a knock at Zayn’s door stammers. Zayn approaches the door and, peering out, sees his neighbor— Lance? Lucas? Landon? he cannot remember honestly and he really never thought to ask— wincing as he clutches his stomach. “I’m, uh, Liam, I live…” he grimaces.

“Next door,” Zayn finishes, opening the door. “Yeah, I’ve seen you out running and at the mailboxes. “Are…are you okay, mate?” Liam’s expressions are obvious ones of discomfort as Liam attempts to respond, he lurches forward, clawing for the doorframe to steady himself.

Liam yelps in pain and Zayn leans to help him. “Wow, okay, what’s wrong?” Liam is still gripping his stomach and Zayn can see he is visibly in agony.

“I think…it’s…my…” Liam’s breathing gets heavy, punctuated. “Appendix,” he manages, flinching as yet another shot of pain spreads through his stomach.

OR: Liam is Zayn's neighbor but they've never really been introduced until Liam knocks on Zayn's door, doubled over in pain, and Zayn is terrible in a crisis

I Know The Sound Of Your Heart by LibbyWrites

Liam always adored the peace and quiet of his neighborhood. Until a new neighbor shows up and turns his world upside down with much more than just loud music.

A Million Different Ways by unfortunate17

They work for the Soul Agency and Zayn’s soul always meets Liam’s soul.

i'll go for you with everything i've got by wafflehood (locked)

In which Louis and Harry are definitely in cahoots, Niall is probably sworn to secrecy, Liam has been waiting a while, and Zayn makes a grand romantic gesture.

eyes on you eyes on me by cptniall

“i needed a drink of water after my shower but i forgot that i opened the blinds to my balcony and you just saw me walk into my kitchen nakedaka liam’s hot neighbour teaches him the value of discretion whilst also complimenting him on his massive weiner

Together Making One by zenamored

Another thing he really likes about being with Zayn—he’ll never go hungry while he’s around.

Four times Zayn cooks for Liam and one time Liam returns the favor.

[woildismyerster]

Crutchie's mouth was on your neck, and your brain was foggy with his scent. THIS IS SO FUCKING BEAUTIFUL LIKE IDK IT'S JUST A MASTERPIECE PLS DO MORE CRUTCHIE

This kind of turned out,,,, angstier than I usually write.  Bizarre.

“Finch,” Jack said, and it felt like the group collectively sighed as they fell into the regular routine.  

Wednesdays nights, for as long as the weather permitted, was a baseball night.  Anybody could come, though new people were seldom invited.  Jack and Crutchie were the team captains, and they always chose the same two people first.

(Davey had looked between the two captains, confused, the first time he played.  “I can’t tell if you’re joking or not.”

Jack tutted, shaking his head.  “Geez, Dave, I thought you seemed alright.  I would never have invited you if I’d known you had something against disabled people.”

“I thought we were friends,” Crutchie had said, the slightest tremor in his voice.  Davey, aghast, looked a little faint when the boys burst into laughter.

Jack ruffled his hair.  “Crutchie has the best throwing arm in the group.  He’s pitcher.”)

“Y/N,” Crutchie said, and you rolled your eyes.

He chose you first every week, though you weren’t anywhere near the best in the group.  You didn’t deserve to be chosen first, but he unironically chose you every week.  You sometimes wondered if he felt like he owed you for something, but nothing came to mind.  It was a predictable, unexplainable act of kindness.

“Bad call,” you mumbled to him while Jack chose.

“I’m going to win,” Crutchie whispered back.  “You’re my lucky charm.”

“How’s that work?  Do you make a wish?  Rub me real hard?”

Crutchie grinned, ears going a little pink.  “Think that would work?”

You smacked him with your glove.  “Why, Crutchie, I do declare.  Not in front of the boys.”

He laughed, and though you stood by your belief that he should have chosen somebody else, you were pleased that he chose you first.

Race squirted you with his water bottle.  “Ask Crutchie out.”

“Is this supposed to be, like, a psychology thing?  ‘Cause it feels kinda good, so it won’t work.”

He sprayed you again, and you tried to remember if there was a spare shirt in your backpack.  Maybe not?

“You suck at baseball.  You suck serious balls, Y/N.  He only picks you because he wants his balls and bat to see your diamond.”

You wrinkled your nose.  “Gross.”

“Please.”  Race rolled his eyes, blond curls matted to his forehead with sweat.  “You want him to take you out to the ball game, too.”

Not like that, you didn’t.  You wanted to hug him when you won a game without wondering if it was lasting too long.  You wanted to embrace teasing about being chosen first, and you wanted it to be safe to believe that the guys were right about why.

“Not if you talk about it like that, I don’t,” you said.

“Aye!  Crutch!”

The boy in question turned away from a conversation with Mush, eyes lighting up.  “Yeah?”

Race grinned, crooked and cunning.  “Did you know that Y/N likes ballgame food?”

“Christ,” you whispered.

“Everybody does,” Crutchie said, frowning.

“Ask what Y/N’s favorite food is,” he urged.  “No?  Fine - your weiner.”

You groaned, Crutchie’s face glowed red, and Race chortled.

You weren’t sure that you were making Crutchie feel so lucky now.

“Y/N!  Hey!”

You grinned at the sound of Crutchie’s voice, stomach kicking with delight when you saw the grin on his face.  He was scrolling through his phone, maybe to show you something funny he found online earlier -

“Awe,” Romeo crooned.  “Look how happy they are to see each other.  Adorable.”

The smile slipped off your face, and you saw Crutchie’s falter.  You tried to smile when he showed you a meme he liked, but it felt false.  Maybe all of your happiness had drained when the embarrassment set in.

There were still butterflies in your stomach, but they had more to do with the eyes on you than the boy you were standing with.

“Concept,” you said at school.  Crutchie was by the vending machine, weighing the pros and cons of buying his daily soda in the morning instead of the afternoon.  “Instead of hiding some stupid prop in Mush’s locker on Halloween, you hide in there.”

“If I don’t have caffeine now, I might die.”

“You’ll be in some creeptastic costume.”

He rubbed his face, weary.  “If I don’t have caffeine later, I’ll die.”

“Well,” you said with a warm smile, “since you’re dying either way, there’s no need for a costume.  I’ll just put your body in the locker.”

“Are you talking about some weird sex thing?”  

You cringed when Morris Delancey came up behind you.  “Do you need something, Delancey?”

“I need your boyfriend to get out the way,” he said.

You didn’t bother saying that Crutchie wasn’t your boyfriend.  That being said, you couldn’t look at Crutchie, either.  There was a painful, dull sickness settling in your chest, and you couldn’t even look at the friend who was going through the same thing you were.

“I want you guys to stop teasing,” you said firmly.  “About Crutchie and me, you know?  It isn’t cool.”

Katherine bit into an ice cream sandwich, chasing a bit of cookie that threatened to fall.  “Why?”

“Because it’s embarrassing.  Because it makes it hard for us to spend time together.”

“Stop being cute, then.  Stop reacting.”

You scowled.  “Please, Kath, I’m serious.  It’s making me sick.”

She looked at you then, smile fading.  “Ask him out, then.  That’ll stop the teasing.”

What she was saying, you gathered, was that there was nothing she could do.  The teasing had become an essential part of the group, and it didn’t matter how much damage it was doing to the relationship your friends were pushing for.  If you couldn’t preserve the relationship by stopping the teasing, you would have to stop the teasing by stopping the relationship.  It was the only way to keep Crutchie as a friend, however different the friendship may be.

You couldn’t even ask Crutchie to meet you after school without there being wolf whistles.  The lines around his face, usually so cheerful, were bleak when he agreed.

You felt utterly nauseous when he met you at the back of the school.  So unhappy, overwhelmed by something almost like pre-regret, and already nostalgic for the days when you were too young to be teased about dating.

“I think we need to stop hanging out so much,” you said.

Crutchie blinked, and though he didn’t look too surprised, you thought that maybe he had been expecting something different.  “What?  Why?”

“I miss you,” you said plainly.

“So we need to stop seeing each other?”

“I can’t even look at you without people teasing me about liking you,” you said, and your voice went thick.  “Everything we do, people are talking.  It makes me nervous to be around you, and I don’t want to be.  Maybe if we just - if we take some time apart, or make it clear that nothing is going to happen, people will just - they’ll stop.”

He frowned.  “That seems like a lose-lose situation.”

You threw up your hands.  “Yes!  I know, everything sucks.  But if the others give up, you and I can try to salvage whatever’s left.”

“It got hard,” Crutchie said slowly, “so you want to give up.”

“No, I want the others -”

“It got hard,” he said again.  “And you decided that protecting your image was more important than protecting our relationship.  Our friendship, I mean.  Because, apparently, the idea of us in a relationship is so abhorrent to you -”

You listened, horror dawning where the numbness previously resided.  You started thinking that maybe you had misread something somewhere down the line - that maybe the both of you had assumed the other was bothered by the teasing because it was unfounded.  Maybe he was embarrassed because it was true.

“Wait, Crutchie, do you -”

“Fine,” he said.  He rubbed at his face, furious in a way that made you wonder if he was wiping at tears.  “Fine, we can stop hanging out as much.  I hope it makes you more comfortable.  Truly, Y/N, I just want to you be happy with the way things are.”

You weren’t.  You really, really weren’t.

“Why weren’t you and Crutchie partners in English today?  You guys are always partners,” Race said.

“Because you guys are douches,” you said.  “Because you guys were so relentless, so thorough, that we can hardly speak to each other anymore.”

Race blinked, surprised.  “We were just telling the truth.”

“You made it impossible for us to figure out the truth for ourselves!”

“You already knew the truth,” he shot back.  “You and Crutchie are crazy about each other, and you both know it.”

“I didn’t know,” you snarled.  “I didn’t know he liked me, because you guys made it impossible for us to have a conversation without it being some big thing.”

Race’s jaw worked, but you saw a hint of shame flicker across his face.  “What did you do?”

“I told him I need a break.”

“Idiot,” he said.  “Oh, you idiot.  You probably broke his heart.”

“Believe me,” you said.  “Not more than I broke my own.  Next time, keep your thoughts to yourself.”

“Y/N,” Crutchie said, and your head shot up.  Nobody blinked twice when you walked to stand by your team captain, but you had to actively try not to gape at him.

He wouldn’t meet your eyes.  You stood to his side, a few steps behind, and wished you could hold his hand.

“Bad call,” you whispered.

“You’ve never failed me before,” he said quietly.  “I’ll always want you on my team.”

You had to blink back tears.  You hadn’t realized you were near tears in the first place.  The feeling was mutual, and maybe you hadn’t wrecked the possibility as thoroughly as you had thought.

You watched Crutchie during the game, and for the first time, he didn’t watch you back.  He studiously kept his eyes on the game, pitching perfectly inning after inning.  

He had listened to you.  He had been angry, yes, but even in his anger he wanted you above all others.  He was embarrassed, but not so embarrassed that he hadn’t been willing to tough it out to be near you.

You were the one who hadn’t been able to handle the teasing, and Crutchie was the one who had to deal with the brunt of the damage.

There were butterflies in your stomach when he gave Jack a cocky grin, and it had nothing to do with anybody who might have been watching.

Jack struck out, just as Crutchie had known he would, and your team won the game.

“Good game,” you said to Crutchie, several feet out.

He looked surprised that you talked to him, but pleasantly so.  “Yeah, well, I had my lucky -”

You got to the pitching mound, wrapped your arms around his neck, and kissed him.  

There were wolf whistles, but they paled in comparison to the sharp inhale Crutchie gave when you pressed yourself against him.

There were jokes, but that had nothing on the sound of his cane hitting the ground, his hum of relief, his clothes rustling against yours.

“I’m sorry,” you mumbled when you pulled away.  You didn’t move out of his grip, opting instead to press your face into the side of his neck.  “I was a jerk.  I liked you that entire time, and I should have told you instead of freaking out.”

“I should have said something ages ago,” he said.  “I could have prevented all of this.”

“So could I.”

He shrugged.  “Guess it doesn’t matter now.  It all turned out the same.”

You smiled.  Of course he had forgiven you immediately.  You hadn’t forgiven yourself - you would be such a good date that it would wipe all other relationships out of the water.  “It turned out okay.”

“Turned out perfect,” he grinned.  “Ready to face the music?”

“Are you kidding?”  You pulled back, grasping his hand.  “This is my favorite song.”

[numbur129]

Hey there boys, girls, mutants, martians, monsters, monkeys who've advanced to shaving their body's, and occasionally smoking a cigar. And lastly, but not leastly (And it's funny, cuz they are short nd stupid!!) "The self proclaimed most magical of the freaked-up-fuck-faces Tour" MIDGETS MAC DADDY & DA GooooBLER!!! "LETS FUCKING HEAR IT FOR EM!!!" KABOOM!! "Hahaha.... Yeahhh!"

(A random selection of what most would call, "lame-ass" fire works began hissing, zooming away, popping off. Squealing guitar licks echoed off into the distances, whilst confetti fell freely from out the top the menacing skyscrapers above, and then quickly down to the bottom of an "overly-polished, brilliantly made elf-lookin boots of the pointed toe end persuasion", as if the fuck-add purposely looked like some strange mix between a gay leprechaun, and a violently-intoxicated pimp.

And like,honestly, twas abit obvious thuh'olde "Sun Bleached Tur'blumken" whood seent far from eh'z "D'eh-BuhstahhDazes." Though the tiny, little person was dressed impeccably, and had quite thee odd shape T'emm!?. He'd constantly be fucking smirkn to those around him, as if too stupid to realize he was way too flippin deep in, and had ta show off for just a wee bit longer. Then'd be recorded into the record books, for reasons I dont know of. One the weird-fuckers front golden teeths gleamed as the sudden change of lighting bent around his bulbous head. In one, overwhelmingly "gay", awkward, and un-planned, mess'ughz "jig" dance. He land atop his ol single knee, whilst simultaneously tipping his "stupid-fucking" hat, and puffing his dirty, drug crusted, wooden "J00B" brand, "Dooble-Tube!" He let out a uncomfortable giggle of sorts (as if in pain, perhaps out of breathe, or even just a series of grumbles, and tis burr'bn), then horked up a nice, fur-fuckled looger carelessly onto the nights then carpet covered dance floor. Then leaned back into a "hero like stance", then stood motionless, twisting the end of the other side dove-izz long white stache!

For reasons unknown to the me; "The Author" of said spoken story, has somehow unintentionally, spent the last 45 minutes of this on some weird-oh, nd his unbreakable-focus-like trance on this creepy, little old dude. And decide that, shit was now to change up, move round, and really start "fuckn about". Ta really get a sense of what it's like to initiate sex with an neighbors dog; as well as what it is to get right back inta that, Good ol Gangsta Bap. Sha- "Sell that, Flip this! Kill Cops, work tricks" shits f'all-the bitchasses, and the wheelchair trapped tard-asses egh-duhhh Werld! Suh grab glasses, and do a doo'ler, and t'all-duh too, every one-uh "Little Dee, 'N Uh-Stinky-Dink's" multiple MILLION-DALLOR-DEAL!!! MUH-FUKN, READY-KNO, THATS-FLIPPN-RIGHT, RAVING Fans. And once again, done a doodle dang-diddle-dooper. And has fucked the faces ugh many men, women, and other freak of nature wheww dont do it; "Fuck'd my baby's face!" LP, and the all too well known remix, "Uncle Daddy's Creepy Play Pen & The Funkie-Unkie Petting Zoo Bananzah!" Thaz right! Yall heard theh shit hear firsd, y'unn-grateful, dustiedup, dunger-dooz & dunger-duntz!!

So any-fucking-ways, "The fuck it is?!" Lol, word. Shit man... this past, ummm.. started after morning appointment, so 8am to.. what's its about to be? 3:38am?! Holy Mother of a Holy Father?! Darr't, darr't!! Haha, yeah! Honestly, that wasnt all that bad. Gotta say...

But I've recently come to the conclusion that I've really got to work on being a more truthful, helpful, and as knowledgeable a person inside-ugh-muh friend groups, as to the outside stranger. And all the caring family's, and other random gathering meat, bone, and the occasional positive "kitty-poster", frum time-duh, time!!

Word. To be honest, I've really got to just not fuckn lie to myself. Put myself down, really wanta start them out with those few first lil changes, choices, and ultimately improvements towards bettering the life around me, that I want. And tah make meaningful advancements in my current personal recovery program. Z'well as workn on, and becoming a completely content, productive member of the community we lives in. To work daily, towards a fulfilling place of residence; stabal positioning within the buisness feild of choice, and the hard-earn'd respect of others I'd goften to know, and eventually wholeheartedly, "really cared for" people, nd one day; maybe sooner then way, way muh'Fukhn away. And some day will actually be able to like the person I had fought to became.

A promise; To better my overall health; both physically, mentally, at someday in the future, "OMEGA-SPIRIT ENERGY VF."

Ughnd juz-wanna hangle out, and really getta Blubber-Vuk; not to those whom Weiner iz-ugh wigglin. But to the proud, and brave. The few, the reasonable.. "They"MAKE, AND STAY ugh-WIGGLIN THE WEENURD, AND NOTHING BUT THAT THERE WEEN!!!

...Hey, yeah it's really me. Lol, sorry bout that. If it was far from your norm; and this kinda just, HAPPENED TO YOU. Lol, seriously though. I've been working, writing currently. In my newest addition to my many ways of approach: I've started experimenting with "stream of conciousness" writing. Where you record your minds thoughts, and without any choice, second thought, er really anything other then the ability to open flood gates. I allow my mind to organically grow ideas, thoughts, things, and then let them out on there own and watch the streams mix, flood, destroy. Play with one another, create a new, and in the end; am left with.. ugh? Sheesh, who's really knows, ya know? Kinda attribute this overall vibe, strange choice of dream like situations, and the incorporation of weird-oh, "Alien-like" Pseudo-Town Drunkard. And really, if you havent noticed the influence yet, lol, maybe it's nothing alike. But would just like to shout out one of my all time favorite books, "Naked Lunch", and honestly, just kinda wanna leave this ever so strange complement here with it, "I love you. So dream-like. Surreal, yet disturbingly diffrent. Mr. William S. Burroughs: You really, truly are... a stranger lost within a strange land."

❤The Bizarre... & "BEYOND!"❤

☮❤😄☮❤😄☮❤😄

[heroholland]

this is tom

Summary: where you’re roommates and best friends with Zendaya and you have your first run in with Tom

"Mom, I'm home!" I yelled as I closed the door and locked it behind me, tossing my keys into the bowl shaped key holder. I slid out of my shoes and shrugged my jacket off, hanging it on the coat rack next to the door. I began to make my way into the living room, my sock covered feet padding against the wooden floor boards. Zendaya was sprawled out on the couch, a piece of pizza in her hand, and an episode of Parks and Rec playing on the television screen. I gave her a cheesy grin as I lifted her legs up and plopped down on to the couch, then returning them back to their original position across my lap. "It's past your curfew, ma'am. Your father was worried sick about you," she said jokingly, her eyes narrowing a little as she took a bite out of her slice. "I finally have a father?!," I gasped, moving my hand to my chest in mock surprise. She let out a loud laugh and lifted her leg up so her toes bumped against my chin. "No way, this girl is single and happy," she stated firmly with a nod of her head. I reached my arm out towards the pizza box before her own hand suddenly reached out and playfully slapped my hand. Her hand then backed up as she gave me a teasing smile, allowing me access. I grabbed a slice for myself before leaning back against the couch, my free hand moving to give her shoulder a flick. I bit down into the pizza and let out a soft hum of satisfaction as we both watched the show. "Oh hey, by the way, Tom is coming over to look at some script stuff," she said as she finished off her piece, shifting her legs to the side to hang off the couch as she pushed herself up into a sitting position. I nodded my head slowly as I chewed, my eyebrows furrowing together a little. I swallowed and spoke, "The new Spider-Man guy?" "That's the one," she said as shut the now empty box of pizza, picking it up and making her way into the kitchen to throw it away. I sat up a bit in my spot as I looked over at her from the couch and replied, "But what about our ritual Thursday movie nights? Are you abandoning me? I'm going to have to go on craigslist and look for a new best friend to fill your spo―" "Slow your roll, mama," she laughed as she opened the fridge and grabbed a bottle of iced tea, shutting the door with her hip as she opened it. "I'm sure we'll be done before then." "Alright, I'm counting on it. Can you toss me one of those too?" I replied.

Tom made his way up to the townhouse and rang the doorbell. He shoved his hands into his pockets as he waited for Zendaya to answer, taking a moment to look around the neighborhood, seeing has he had never been to her place before. He heard footsteps thudding against the ground inside and after a moment the door swung open, revealing a grinning Zendaya. "Hey man, come on in," she said, stepping aside so he could make his way inside. Tom stepped in and slid his shoes off at the entrance before he then slid off his coat and hung it up, his eyebrows furrowing for a moment as he noticed two pairs of coats on the rack. Perhaps Zendaya just used two. The two made their way into the living room before settling down on one of the couches. Tom pulled out his script from his bag as Zendaya grabbed hers off the coffee table. "You ready?" she asked, flipping through the script. "Yeah, so I was confused on this one part," he flipped to a marked page and pointed at a sentence," so when it says this, does that me―" He was cut off by a pair of feet quickly making their way down the steps and a blurred figure running to the door. His eyes widened for a moment, thinking there was an intruder in his friend's home, until Zendaya yelled, "Where the hell are you going?" to the unknown person. "I'm gonna be late for my shift!" the person said, their head turning to look over at the both of them. Tom's mouth opened and closed. For once he was unable to unwaveringly banter back to the stranger. He was met with the most beautiful pair of eyes he had ever seen, hell, the most beautiful person he had ever seen. "Y/n, this is Tom. Tom, this is my best friend and roommate, y/n," said Zendaya, leaning back against the couch as she flipped through her script a bit more. Y/n. He inhaled a breath as the eyes narrowed in on him, a bright smile then spreading across her lips as she replied, "Hello Tom, it's nice to meet you. I wish I could stay longer, but I'm a bit late." Snap out of it, Tom. "Oh, no worry at all. It's nice to meet you as well, y/n," he said, a slightly nervous grin forming on his own lips. He watched as she nodded her head once and gave one last wave to the both of them before heading out. He paused for a moment before turning back to Zendaya, a shit eating grin on her face. "What?" he said, his eyebrows perking up a bit. "Nothing, nothing at all. Now back to the script, tomato boy," she smirked, as Tom raised his hands up to cover his cheeks. 

Shit, he's cute. I shook my head a little as I made my way down the sidewalk and to the small coffee shop, trying to hide my flustered appearance. As soon as my shift came, it went. I said goodbye to my coworkers before gathering all my belongings. I pushed the door open and walked out on to the sidewalk. As I walked I took my phone out of my bag and pressed the home button. 6:00 pm. I exhaled a breath. Perfect, still a good amount of time for our movie night. Once I reached our door I took my key and unlocked it before stepping inside to the quiet townhouse. My eyebrows raised a little as I set my belongs down and slid out of my shoes. The two must have finished already. I reached one arm up to run my fingers through my hair as I began to make my way over to the kitchen. As I passed through the doorframe a sharp pain suddenly rippled from my toe. "FUCK!" I yelled as I hopped on one foot. Stupid doorframe. I inhaled a deep breath and muttered curses to myself before hearing a voice that was most certainly not Zendaya's. "Shit, are you okay, darling?" I looked up only to meet Tom's eyes, his brows furrowed together in concern as he set his glass of water that he was pouring for himself down and made his way over to me. Good one, y/n. Be cool, be cool. "Yeah, I'm totally fine," I said as I forced a grin on to my lips, exhaling a breath. His eyes that were previously looking at my foot moved back up to my own as a grin formed on his own lips. He let out a soft chuckle as he shook his head a little, "C'mon now, I've been there before too. Here, I'll get you some ice." "No, no, really you don't have t―" I replied, before being cut off by him waving his hand. "I insist, darling," he replied, grabbing the ice pack from the freezer before shutting it. He made his way back over to me and placed his hand on the small of my back, helping me over to the couch and making sure I was seated before setting the ice pack on my toe. "Who died?" asked Zendaya as she exited the bathroom, eyeing the two of us. "Ha ha, very funny. I just stubbed my toe and Tom was kind enough to get me an ice pack," I replied. She snorted a little as she playfully narrowed her eyes in Tom's direction, "Kind? He really is kind. Tom, remember that time I accidentally cut myself with those scissors and it took you a solid two minutes to grab me a bandage because you were laughing too har―" "Hey! In my defense, it was pretty funny," he grinned, putting his hands up in mock surrender. "Hilarious," she said in a monotone voice, a playful smile still on her lips, "Anyways, it's movie time. Tom, out." "What, hey wai―" he began. "Well, I mean, he could stay if he wants to, Z. I mean, if he wants to you know. But I'm not gonna kick him out. You know, but yeah," I said, receiving a playful glare from her. She's on to me. "Alright, Holland is welcome to stay.”

"Zendaya, you remind me of Gretchen Weiners," Tom stated bluntly. "What the actual hell, dude," she replied, throwing a piece of popcorn at him as we all burst out laughing. "I'll be right back guys, I'm gonna grab something to drink," I said as I stood up from my spot, making my way over to the kitchen. I opened the fridge and peered inside, nibbling at my bottom lip a little as I looked through my options before grabbing some juice. "Can you hand me one too?" I heard a voice ask, turning around only to be met by Tom. I gave him a soft smile before nodding my head a little, handing him one as well before shutting the fridge. We both leaned back against the counter as we sipped at our drink. "So, how long have you and Zendaya been friends?" he asked, keeping his chocolate brown eyes on me. "Since we were little. We lived in the same neighborhood. I was riding my bike down the street, and I wasn't that skilled in bike riding yet, so I basically fell and ate shit," I laughed as Tom joined in as well, "but then I see this girl running at me to see if I was okay. That's why I call her mom, she's always looking out for me no matter what." "I can tell you're both the best of friends and you think highly of her. I'm sure she's pretty lucky to have you as well, y/n," he said, a warm smile on his lips. "Oh, stop," I laughed, shaking my head a little. "I'm serious! I mean in the short time I've met and gotten to know you a little you seem great. Which uh, I wanted to ask something. I guess it's, ah, I was wondering if I could have your number I guess? I mean not I guess. I mean I just think you're really cool and stuff," he asked, nibbling on his bottom lip a little. Fuck yes. "Of course, Tom," I said as a wide smile formed on my lips, nodding my head a little. He mirrored my smile upon hearing my response as he handed me his phone and I began to type in my number. "You're real slick, Holland," Zendaya spoke up as she passed us to get to the fridge, not failing to fluster the both of us.

[self-loathing-angel-of-thursday2]

Beautiful Spouse Rewatches SPN 01x05

Bloody Mary

“Oh fuck this episode”

“NO. WE CAN’T SKIP IT.”

“I missed the episode because I missed the intro; the intro is basically the whole episode at this point.”

“I like how it’s the Family Business but there’s no paycheck. Or is the Life Expectancy that bad they don’t plan to retire?”

“Hell yeah you do.”

“Bloody Mary is your mother.”

“I feel like I would also say how stupid this is and then just leave as soon as I said Blood Mary 3x”

“Daddy gonna die…probably. He probably deserves it though. Idk”

“Does Padalecki like Pad Thai? I wonder how many jokes he’s made over the years. Wait…JarPad is his self-owned userid for social media? It’s his own joke? You didn’t make that up?”

THE OHIO STATE UNIVERSITY SUCKS ASS. YOU CAN FIGHT ME. I HAVE SWORN AN OATH OF HATRED.

“Smooth”

Laughed at them arguing about the money from the poker game

Look at Jensen’s stupid face. It’s so pretty 👀

“They care about money that little? I know they keep scamming credit cards but still.”

“If they wrote this today, they would have to be crypto-bros or something; it’s harder to get away with stealing credit information nowadays. It’s an interesting thought”

“I worked with your dad. He was a porn star. Did they ever say what their dad did? How do they that it’s ok to say they worked with their dad?”

“Who is the blonde extra? She looks super interested but is very involved with her eyes.”

Look at Jensen’s stupid lips. 👄

“It’s hilarious how much you joke with Old Ladies how pretty I am, because Grandma did it all the time. Nobody my age ever said that to me, but Grandma said it so she’s saying it to be nice.”

“Why does it always sound like Jared is trying to whisper at your face?” Then heavy breathing

“We had to go to the bathroom…together.”

Laughed at the lady asking if the Winchesters are cops

“Some creepy kid gives you their phone number…”

You know what this episode needs? A gay angel 😇

“She’s just joking, right?”

“DEAD”

“Way to summon the devil, yo. Or whatever”

“That would be so freaky for your reflection to turn like that”

“What boy? Maybe she did something bad?”

“I’m already over Sam’s dreams.” 

“HEAVY BREATHING”

Laughing at the way Sam says that he’s sorry followed by heavy breathing and a breathy “I’m sorry”

“He shook his head and everything! He almost smiled too”

“Honestly I don’t think I could see anyone else in the role. You have to hate someone though, but maybe it just adds to the campiness.”

For the record, I don’t hate Sam.

“Fkn typical - Dean’s stupid joke and smirk.”

“How is this even effective? I remember the super gimmicky feature on those camcorders”

“How is this girl not protesting?”

“Oh nice”

🎶my butthole had a first name. It was Gary Bryman🎶 to the Oscar Mayer Weiner song

“OH WAIT NEVER MIND”

We both laughed at Dean’s face in the blue light of the laptop screen.

“He looks almost cross-eyed; he is way too close to that computer. They could have used a different lens. Idk the film school term.”

“Jared just played that whole line with a straight face. It was the face of when you fart, but when someone asks if it was you, you say it wasn’t”

Laughed at the girls in the bathroom “I agree with both of them”

“That’s a lot of mushrooms dude.”

“Is this the mirror heist one? Was that a different piece of art? I don’t exactly remember since there have been a few heisty ones”

“Back when there were million types of phone charging cords. Couldn’t standardize for shit.”

Laughing at Sam whispering and breathing

“But I can whisper at you”

“No” said very breathy and with heavy breathing

🎶murdered the boyfriend🎶

“I would have left his abusive ass dude. It’s fine.”

“Oh my god”

“Such sacrificial bullshit dude. If you were smart, you’d use the girl as bait”

SPN started out with Jared’s love interest dying and ended with Dean’s love interest dying

“If she’s going to die anyway, you might as well use her as bait. She has her secret; that’s why the thing is going after her”

“Just walking through the goodwill looking for the mirror. Or antique shop. Or whatever it is”

“Creepy ass fkn statues everywhere”

“Gotta blow a little bit of that fog to have that white cast haze everywhere for the flashlights to pick up”

I was saying Bloody Mary 3x and Spouse asked me not to do it since there are reflective screens are around

“What if there were a mirror nearby the viewer? Would it still work? If it was actually real then watching the show could have killed you”

“No officer. It was just a mistake. SMASH”

“GOTCHA BITCH”

“It would be fun to have a kill-ratio. Like if Dean has to save Sam then that’s a loss for Sam and vice versa. It would be interesting to know if that ratio was equivalent. So the kill-death ratio - which one kills in that episode? Which ones gets possessed ratio? Which monster kill? It would be interesting to see who is most successful on what Is portrayed”

“Ballsy. Idk if that would ever happen. That’s like the first thing that you realize in the show that this wouldn’t have happened”

FUCK THE POLICE

“This scene would count as an L for Sam”

“AND A WIN FOR DEAN”

What a bitchy thing to say, Sam

“OH! THAT”S NOT A WIN FOR DEAN! So you gotta evaluate it at the end of each episode. Or is it 2 Ls? Can they both win?”

“There goes the budget. AND SPLOOSH”

“See that’s an L for Sam and a W for Dean, because Dean did the saving and winning”

“Why is it bad luck? Oh.”

Me gushing over babygirl

“Way to be a fucking dick, Sam.”

“I can’t see Sam being the main character this early on. If he was supposed to be, then idk. I can see how Dean was supposed to be the comic relief, but they hired Jensen.”

[the-firebird69]

You're a horrible person trying to read my Lord you have an appointment should be the last action hero I read it too you going to be late

Dan

I can make it and bother him

John remillard

You can bother me and I'll take out your teams in a computers grab the AI and the mega ai and corrupt yours all at the same time while you're sitting there bothering me cuz I'm capable of doing it

Zues Hera

You wouldn't do that would you

John remillard

of course I went John it's right in my life every few minutes you f**** spaz

Zues Hera

I'm going to corrupt your file

Trump

you try it everyday get out of my face you f****** loser. We'll return the threat though I'm going to corrupt your computers so we can get the data I don't know if you even heard of that method you f****** weiner

Zues Hera

I sort of get something you're after us you won't tell us

Trump

I tell you everyday right now we're cutting your toenails off now your toes

Zues Hera

I can't function here and I need to move and they won't let me

Trump

Trump you won't move and who cares for taking all your stuff sit there and be a little baby and think you're arguing when I'm just telling you what we're going to do if you start doing the stupid s*** you're doing

Zues Hera

Usually never backs off and now he is and it doesn't matter he says we're taking all the stuff and then it's territory his computer is his programs and access to any AI all that will be gone and we're going to use them up until his forces are dead now he says it next door because I can sit here and hear him saying it he doesn't care because this assholes threatening him all day long yeah with death, doesn't have any good reason for it and it doesn't try that much but we see him try and stuff so we're going to go after him I'm tired of hearing it and what they're doing is ripping out huge areas like the size of New York City including the outskirts from your possession every day including your nonsense computers that's what they call him we can hear them on the radio and don't forget his nonsense computer cuz it's a piece of s*** now the guy is not mentally sound he's been hit in the head like 10 or 20 times in the past few weeks but you can't feel sorry for him because his assholes haven't do what he's doing and same with Terry he's kind of a moron to begin with but what are you going to do you're going to drive around and put up at the same stupid s*** that I put up with. That's our problem he's a huge a****** I come out there in the fishing pier thing where he got hit a few times sitting there calling you names but it's sitting there next to him and he didn't really hear him I heard you fire off some insults he completely lost it started crying says he wants to go home and he won't stop doing it he said he's got to understand if he stands up and starts insulting me threatening me that people will act you guys or us or Max or he's going to control himself and if he can't he's going to find a way but otherwise that's all I can say it's true too he's going to control himself we'll have to do the last action hero jacket on TV. And yeah he's a pain I'm not even in the car it says so he's doing the flea trick boy oh boy that's people are brilliant you've got a problem I looked at I said you know we have a problem you two are complete lunatics and he doesn't like you and you can't stand being near you no I said we have a problem are you deaf like I'm stupid cuz you can't have you going off on him he's got power somehow he's commanding armies he's got demons one bite only like 8 ft tall or less you just become real fat like the violator which is shut up and get away from me. They don't care cuz they had me do it because of uranium. What are you going to do piss your pants every 5 minutes here just start doing that s*** so the demons attack you more. So I looked at I said you're dead you piece of s***

Bg

Now here this argument everyday and yeah all three are off and they're going out to last action hero something this song doing it and they were holding him and what you say is good in the hell out of here we hear it holy crap guy wants to run faster than he can he's going to so this is Dan and he says we're both torturing the a****** he's a huge f****** idiot Tommy f is coming down on him but his people are so nasty you would not believe it this is I believe it I said you got to understand he makes you think you're pushing him he says he knows he has to stop him from pushing him that's different she's looked into it and he says oh we got a problem stop getting hit I don't want to get dinged every 5 seconds it's dumb f****** fleas

So looks like his grandpa and it might be and he's wondering what the hell he's doing in jail. And we don't know who he is we do and it's not his papa and it's not a mixed race guy you know it's it's really him it's amazing he's there. In Hawaii China actually moved on it after they heard about it and they went over there and they pulled them out now the Empire came down and they're saying that Mac Daddy and so our son said you better make sure

Thor Freya

[oqal]

Hold on semi related: so I have three younger brothers, us each having big age gaps between us so I was aware of that circumcision exists, but didn’t think of why at the time, so I decided to look up like their purpose, cause seeing as it’s a surgery, surely it should have a really good health purpose right?

Every google option: “so that little boys look like their fathers :)” “because fathers want their sons to look like them :)” “so that they’re shaped like their fathers :)” LIKE EXCUSE ME THAT DOESNT ANSWER ANYTHING THATS JUST WEIRD

america is so fuckin weird like that. i don’t have a weiner so i can’t say much but god americans love circumcising their sons because of either stupid hoaxes like those google options or because “it looks better”