#suicicde

[lestats-les-tits]

LOUIS FEELING MADELEINE DYING!!!!

LESTAT SEEING AND FEELING CLAUDIA DYING!!!!!!

LESTAT THE LAST PERSON CLAUDIA SAW!!!!!!

[wizardbuckets]

day one of trying not to think about those fucked up little thought experiments

[kicksnscribs]

Wow tonights not looking very good for me rn lol

[mentallyunwelllesbian]

24th of November, Thursday

TW: Suicidal thoughts

The pain is so fucking bad I can barely function. I’m so exhausted. I feel like giving up so bad.

[mynameis-a]

WHY DID I GET THE SUICICDE HOT LINE FOR LOOKING UP TOMMYINNIT

WHAT TEH FUCK

[the--sad--hatter]

This might end up being a long post, but if you've been one of the many people who reached out to me in the last few day, its for you.

TW: SELF-HARM, SUICICDE. DNI if that's a trigger for you.

I was in a dark place, a really dark one. My birthday is on Friday and that was causing me so much stress. Financially I was drowning. My physical health has left me almost completely immobile. I manage very short but frequent walks in an effort to control it. I vomit daily, regardless of what I have or haven't eaten. There's blood pouring out my ass (sorry to be crude). The doctors are useless and just keep ordering tests.

There's more, but that's the gist of it. It's a lot to deal with, and I wasn't dealing.

There's been an outpouring of love and support from people here the last few days. Not just financially, though the generosity there has been overwhelming.

Whether you sent me a dm with some love, anonymously sent me a hug, donated a dollar or donated 200 dollars... you saved me.

I actually think I might be alright at the end of all this, and i really didn't before. A few days ago I was writing the letters, the goodbyes to my family and the final fuck you to the people I hate. I had a plan, and it was a final one. It wasn't what I wanted but I thought it was all I had the strength left for.

I was wrong. My little fanfics brought me to people who still care two years after I've even written anything. This tumblr connected me with people who've treated me with more tenderness, respect, and care than I've ever gotten.

So this is my thank you for saving my life to every person who messaged, reblogged, donated or was just here for me when I needed it most. Thank you, I owe you so much and I won't forget that.

[romanarose]

tw bulimia anxorexia talk, in the past.

My mom told me recently that when I was 14/15 she thought I had an eating disorder. She didn't do anything. Didn't talk to me until I was 17 and asked if I was bulimic bc she saw oatmeal in the sink? I said no and she said okay. I was bulimic in the sense my purges were excessive exercize.

But prior to that I told mom I was eating 50 calories a day and she said good job. I was bike riding like 3-5 hours a day that summer and she said good job?

When I was 17, after she asked me about the bulimia, I developed what became my severe and traditional bulimia. I was violently bulmic. At the peak, I was throwing up blood, and was also working out excessivly.

When my mom told me she thought i had an eating disorder (as it was developing but before it truly became a disorder.), she said "I mean, we all did it. I couldn't get it to stick with me"

When my parents found out I was suicicdal and actively selfharming my mom said I needed to go to therapy and i was like hell yeah! I've been wanting to go to therapy forever! and I was supossed to go to my school counselor who i love and get set up. The next morning mom was like actually you dont really need to go to therapy if you dont want to.

mom, you found posts I made talking about wanting to die, how I had cuts all over my body, I was bulimic, I was suffering every single day and you didn't think I needed therapy? I immidietly was like no Im going.

She once sat my 12 year old sister down and said she needed to stop eating so much because she was getting fat. (found that out last year)

Even after they found the social media of me talking about cutting and bulimia I continued cutting and being bulimic through high school and college. Not that mom had any control over college but still as a teen she never brought it up again, never asked how i was doing and continued to encourage when I was on an extreme restriction. She never hid razors even though she was sobbing telling me she was afraid to leave me alone in my room. She made that whole incident of finding out about her feelings.

I am constantly reminded by the difference of the mom i have now and the mom i used to have. My mom now is kind and understanding and listens to me.

My mom as a teen, I have to remind myself, was not a good mom. Im not crazy. I wasn't crazy.

I love my mom so much

But she did not take properly care of me.

Her and my dad and my grandma shamed my body my whole life, my dad being a fucking creep about it and I never had a fucking chance. Bulimia mixed with OCD is a fucking horrible thing and i spent years into recovery suffering esophageal spasms and ulcers and stomach issues due to my bulmia

[xstarkillerx]

hi ! i got so excited seeing you in my inbox . i’m a rly big fan of yours it made me do a little dance when i read that u like my content !! once i get my tags in order im gonna be able to reblog some of my fave works of yours :)

- anakincentric

Oh my goshhh hi blade :D! I can't believe you like my stuff that makes me so happy!!! Yeah, I'm a huge fan. If you'll allow me to like.... ramble about it, Daddy content is something I'm really really particular about, it's not the easiest to get right imo, especially when it's for anakin, but you do it so wonderfully every time. There's such a palpable tenderness to the way you write him without losing the essence of the character, it's like... anakin doesn't baby you because he thinks you're sweet and innocent and can do no wrong, he doesn't believe anyone is like that, but rather he sees you worthy of being treated that way, even when you're taking things to extremes like threatening suicicde or asking him to be a father figure. He's the ultimate enabler because he's decided he's in love with you. Like, that's the subtext I get from everything you write, it's so fascinating and sweet, I love it! Keep doing what you're doing, seriously

[daphnedevigne]

I've never made a post before, and here I am on my laptop at 25 years old in Kihei Hawaii. never in my life have I imaged id ever live here before. I don't even know where to start. I'm feeling veery sad and and suicicdal right now just because well actually not sure why. maybe its because of my period or not. I've never taught like that before in my life so that's why I don't think but more recently I think it is because of my period. lmao I sound silly. I am also a bit drunk. I hate being alive btw. just thought ice through that in there. I've never felt normal and I've never felt my age really. I feel I have developemtal stints and maybe some processing issues as well. I don't know. I just don't feel my age mentally? or pyshyically? or in any way. I've never had a real romantic relationship ever in my life and that's fed me up for sure. I don't know, a lot to talk about. see you soon.

[holyfated]

HEY , I'M FEELING TIRED . MY TIME IS GONE AGAIN , YOU FLIRT WITH SUICICDE ; --- SOMETIMES , THAT'S OKAY . . .

INDIE . PRIV . SEL . ORIGINAL CHARACTER : GITA AMANE from PERSONAL LORE . reaped by jovis .

CREDIT . icon border . roleplay banners . promotion template .

MY OTHER ROLEPLAYING BLOG . weavinghands . groazei . MY PERSONAL BLOG . birb-of-hermes . EXCLUVIES . tba .

DAY IS HERE FADING , THAT'S WHEN I WOULD SAY --- I FLIRT WITH SUICIDE , SOMETIMES KILL THE PAIN .

[yumeyleo]

JQWHGSDTYEUWJNER SUICICDE POSTPPONED I ;OVE THEM SO UMCJUCH I LOEV THEMSOO MUCHHHCH I LOVE THEMSO MUCHH HCGYQAGSHYDJFNHB J

[gothtopus108]

okay i need to rant about this stupid guy because i cant stop thinking about all of this shit

so, my boyfriend has this friend right and we have a LOT of common intrests, so we started talking about music we like ect ect, i didnt like him for a long time bc he made me anxious but i warmed up to him, eventually we got really close (at least i thought we were close) and now i've always had the problem of being way closer with people than they are with me, but I knew he pretty much had ducky, their other best friend, and pretty much no one else.

when we were talking it was a REALLY bad time in my life. Maybe one of the top worst, and I've had a lot of really shitty time. I'm bipolar, and i was balls-deep in a horrible mixed episode, i also was heavily restricting food and taking more ritalin than i am supposed to, so basically, i was in an insane hazy oblivion and basically just entierly zoned out but also really intense from the ritalin and mania. I was in the process of moving and trying to pack up all of my shit too and my parents were CONSTANTLY fighting also so badly it would wake me up from sleep when they got into it.

So we would talk for hours, texting until like 3am, mostly about will wood/other music artists we share obsessions with, but also a lot about life and our respective shitty mental health. Now, I was also convinced I was going to lose ducky, and i was going through yet another horrific mania-induced gender identity crisis. So, although he NEVER said anything about it, in retrospect I was defintly not being a normal human person in the way i was interacting with him. Its hard enough for me to interact normally, but throw in that shit-storm and I know i was being way too much for anyone to handle, let alone someone i only just started talking too

eventually, me and ducky did break up (thanks bpd)(we also got back together a few weeks later obvi) and I think the main thing i did was ranting to him, basically dumping my entiere thoughts while activly splitting on ducky. I think this was probally the final straw. The day ducky told him we broke up, he told me us talking "doesn't feel right" and he has not responed to a single text since then.

i asked him why, and nothing. it hurt almost as bad as breaking up with ducky, because at least with ducky we had talked about if for literal days before deciding to break up and we also kept talking as friends. I didnt text him for like two weeks and when I was in a much much better place mentally i reached out saying basically "hey im sorry for how i acted, i promise thats not how i normally am, you just need to be more firm with me on boundaries. also if you hate me please say that instead of just ghosting me" but nothing.

now heres the part thats fucking me up the most. I fucking TOLD him so many times how hard being ignored fucks me up. I told him that being ignored literally makes me suicicdal. I told him how i'd so much rather someone scream and yell at me, call me horrible names, even physically fucking hurt me than ignore me, yet he STILL refuses to even acknowledge me. He KNEW how i have absolutely NO friends but ducky, he KNEW i was in the worst time of my life, he KNEW all of my trauma around friendships ending, he KNEW ALL OF IT, but he still fucking ignores me. I hate it. I cant fucking stand it.

I JUST want to be his friend again so bad. I loved him he was so fun and we had so many common interests especially in things that ducky doesnt want to talk about as much with me. i just want him to tell me what i did wrong. I want him to be angry i want to hear everything i did wrong i want him to TELL me i cant stand him ignoring me it makes my skin crawl. Now ducky told me he blocked me which makes it even worse. I feel entierly out of control.

and the worst part is, ducky just says 'yeah he didn't handle it right, but your response to what he did is not his fault' when i tell him how hes making me actively suicidal. Like,, yes,, that is true,, but when i've told him how triggering it is, when i've told him about the time i attempted after someone stoped talking to me, when i text him begging him to text me back and he still wont, at what point does at least SOME blame fall on him? like if i had never told him any of that stuff and he was just oblivious to how triggering it is that would be one thing but NO, i fucking TOLD him SO many times.

im so upset and hurt and confused and angry and evberything feels so bad and i just know hes talking shit about me to ducky i know he is he thinks im a bad person and hes trying to convince ducky i am a bad person . i hat ehim somuch im so hurt and upset and i want to hurt myself i cant belive i even tried to be his friend i can ttak ethis

[slimekingdomsartgallery]

MAJOR OMORI SPOILERS!

Work in progress for my next

audio from https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=W7l5AOOqNyQ&t=0s

I will make this later

[skinnyjooheon]

No one probably even cares but I wanna die

[xaufgebenistkeineoption]

"Jeder Atemzug brennt wie Feuer."

[weirdboy93-blog]

love this