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arigatouiris · 4 years

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an inconvenient crush // kenma kozume x reader (1/2)

Author’s Note: A new story?? SO SOON?? Thank you for all the love for my previous Kuroo story, it meant the world to me. I write for myself primarily, yes, but it brings me SO MUCH JOY to know that my words reach you. It helps with the motivation to put them out more often. Thank you. This story is very close to my heart because I’m a gamer, although I don’t stream. I’m more like Kenma though, personality wise. Haha.

Word count: 5k+

Pairing: YouTuber! Kenma Kozume x Streamer! Reader

Summary: YouTuber Kozume Kenma has had the biggest crush on Twitch Streamer, (s/n) (y/n), who in actuality simps heavily after Kenma's secret YouTube persona, puddinghead0.

What happens when their paths cross?

Kuroo is honestly tired of Kenma's second-guessing, and (y/n) is a bit of a crackhead.

Warnings: unrequited love, one-sided crush, slight angst, pining, crackhead reader, internet bullying, slang, gaming references, haikyuu manga spoilers, fluff

C h a p t e r O n e : puddinghead0

Kozume Kenma suddenly turned existential when his eyes shifted to his phone screen for the 12th time in ten minutes.

Was he always doing this? Was he always obsessed with his phone to a point where he'd constantly check for notifications? Did this mean he was deeply lonely on the inside and wanted approval from people on a virtual platform, which meant that the approval was also virtual and none of it was real? Did it mean that he craved to nullify the growing void in his chest by distracting himself with a black mirror that showcased light that could permanently impair his sight?

He let out a breath and forced himself not to look at his phone. He didn't care. It didn't matter. That's what he always said.

"Hey!" His classmate/room-mate screamed from the entrance to his flat, "Are you watching her stream? Posted two minutes ago!"

His phone was definitely slow. He had been checking his phone but there was no notification. Letting out a breath, and giving himself a mental reason to actually check his phone, Kenma opened the notifications tab to see the one notification he had kept his eye out for had been buried under ridiculous facebook notifs.

An inconvenient crush, that's what he told himself whenever he looked at you. You were a streamer, a bit different from what he did on YouTube because you were primarily on Twitch. There were reaction videos of you on YouTube, which was where he found you, but damn—how could one be pretty while rage-quitting a game? It was abnormal. Nothing about you was normal; college student/Twitch streamer, an apparent baker in your mother's bakery, game reviewer for Sony, and you were insanely cute.

"She's getting to that part," his roommate commented from behind Kenma's back, while Kenma really just wanted to watch the video in peace, "Shit, she's gonna cry."

You did cry, quite a few times, and too easily if he could add. You cried at the ending of God of War, you cried to The Last of Us (which made sense, but you were perhaps just bawling throughout the entire game), you cried in a game called Detroit: Become Human, you cried far too easily, but you never really quit. He loved how passionate you were about games, and it was the sort of passion he could completely understand.

"Oh shit," You said in the video, your eyes scanning all over the game screen, "What's happening? What's happening?"

Kenma chuckled at how cute you were, god, you were killing him. You looked worried, and he could visibly see a sweat drop on your forehead, but you were so focused that it didn't matter. Suddenly, there was a screaming sound from the game you were playing, and your eyes popped open as wide as they possibly could and you just sat there, unmoving. He loved how you never squealed or made any loud reactions, except when you were in a fight with a difficult boss, but whenever something traumatic happened, you just froze and sunk it all in. You were currently playing the second part of The Last of Us, and a traumatic scene was definitely happening. Kenma had just finished playing it the night before, so every scene you were playing was familiar.

"I officially hate this game," You said, your voice breaking and he desperately wanted to hold you, "Fucking hell."

"God, she's amazing." Kenma's roommate said, eyes turning into literal hearts.

"Hm." Yeah, she is, Kenma thought, but could never really say.

As a YouTuber himself who streams games, he was aware that you were not as popular, and it was a fact that he really didn't like. Sure, you were on a less popular platform, but Twitch was incredibly popular by itself as well. He also understood the bias that came with being a female gamer, and while it sounded ridiculous to him, Kenma was one of those people who believed gaming required no gender.

He adored your content, and he secretly adored the hell out of you, so seeing you soar would only make him happy.

"I... I can practically feel what pain she's feeling right now," You spoke about the game, a lone tear threatening to leak out of your eye, "But! We shall persevere. I've been waiting 7 years for this game, so I won't let... won't let something like this halt my interest. Let's see if this has a point to it all."

God, he adored you. But, Kenma considered it an inconvenient crush because of course, the world was small. The first big crush he has on someone and he hoped it would remain over the internet, but it just had to become something more tangible, something that could make him weak in the knees.

You, a college student/Twitch streamer, an apparent baker in your mother's bakery, a game reviewer for Sony, insanely cute, and also happened to be one of his YouTube channel's biggest fans.

He had only recently discovered your personal twitter handle, and dear lord, you were simping after him with no remorse. It wasn't as if he was all you talked about, but he had also noticed the trajectory of the games you were playing were on par with his own timeline. Kenma had finished his final stream for The Last of Us II just the night before and you had now started playing it. Right before that, it was Bloodborne, and before that, it was Final Fantasy VII Remake. However, your public handle was a lot more professional and despite knowing that it was there, he hadn't sent you a follow request because well, Kenma called himself an introvert in every matter but Kuroo just said he was shy.

While he knew that he could easily approach you and have you know he knew of your existence, Kenma preferred not to get into such detail. It was comfortable admiring you from afar, and it was comfortable being where he was—he had his company to work hard over, he was also a computer student and a YouTuber. Sure, he had his hands full especially after calling you abnormal for something that he himself was doing, but he never really fit into a bracket anyway. Kenma's latent obsession with you was something he wasn't particularly proud of and this wasn't because it had anything to do with you, but simply because he didn't want to make a big deal out of it. Change, in many ways, scared him. And by changing the structure or dynamics of him admiring you in secret, while you admired him not so secretly, Kenma was certain that it might not lead where he may have wanted it to go.

Surely, Kuroo was against this sort of caution, calling it cowardly and saying it lacked passion; but Kenma knew it was just a crush. There was no way he could deduce the kind of person you were based on how you gamed or reacted to games, based on the little tid-bits of information you gave out while playing those games, or even how you openly spoke about how much you admired 'puddinghead0's videos. Kenma hated Kuroo for giving him that name, but he was too lazy to come up with a new one.

"Also," You sprung up in the final two minutes of your latest video, "I'm on Patreon, now! I honestly have no idea how it works, but if you really like the content I make and want to support me, you can become a patron and wish me luck!"

Kenma waited for his stupid roommate to go out of his room before he could open Patreon and find your link, which was thankfully in the description. Without a second thought, he donated to your profile but cussed instantly when he realized what he had done.

He had sent you a donation as himself, as 'puddinghead0's Patreon.

Without a second thought, Kenma called Kuroo and explained what had happened.

"That is why, Kenma, you need to check a thousand times and not let blind love navigate your actions—"

"If I knew you were going to spout such nonsense I wouldn't have called you."

He could hear Kuroo snicker while he ran a hand through his hair. Kenma groaned before Kuroo said, "How bad is this, Kenma? She'll be happy. Of course, this means she'll know you watch her content, but how bad can this be?"

"I didn't want her to know."

"And leave her devoid of the happiness of having her idol appreciate her content? You're cold, Kenma."

"You don't understand. What if... What if she tries to contact me?"

"You, my friend, have not even shared your personal account anywhere. The only way she can contact you is by commenting on your videos, which I am sure you check constantly to see if she did comment, or Tweeting, which she does every three days."

Kenma blushed at the accusation because it was true.

"She won't know who you are. Besides, there's no harm if she even does contact you! Just tell her casually that yeah, you like her contact. I don't see what the big deal is."

"Of course you don't—"

"Oh, she's tweeted something."

Kenma's entire body froze. Leaving Kuroo on the call, Kenma opened Twitter on his laptop and there it was, your latest tweet.

I am trying NOT to freak out over puddinghead sending me a donation on Patreon, pls save my soul, I am dead.

Kenma groaned before hearing Kuroo laugh once more, "She's adorable!"

I know that, Kenma thought before feeling his entire face flash up. Ending Kuroo's call, Kenma looked at your public profile before then moving to your personal one. He wasn't following that one either, but he wanted to see your tweets, he wanted to know more about you—he wouldn't deny any of these facts, but Kenma believed it was far too idiotic to dream of getting to know you through a virtual media. He wasn't even the sort of person to become close to people he met in real life, how could he allow himself a virtual friendship?

The thought staggered him, and the idea behind it was what kept him at bay. Kenma wanted to know about you, talk to you, learn about who you were and what you were doing, but he felt the media that connected you was what separated you.

It wasn't cowardice at all if he was just sticking to the facts and being real.

The next day, Kenma walked to his class by himself, listening to the latest podcast by Joe Rogan. While the external sound wasn't entirely muted, Kenma could discern sounds of people talking, cars moving around, and other noises even though he was playing the podcast on full sound. However, there was one sound in particular that stood out. Kenma paused before turning to his right, noticing a crowd of people had gathered there, with some sort of event going on. He didn't pay attention to half the events that his college conducted, his mind was obviously quite busy elsewhere, but when the announcer moved around in a weird Joker cosplaying outfit, Kenma was a tad bit intrigued.

Was it gaming related?

He slowly moved toward the crowd before finally being able to hear what the anchor was saying.

"We've got prizes for the top three best performers, and one of the participants is the one and only (s/n) (y/n), streamer from Twitch!"

Kenma froze, half-minded to run the hell away from there. But, it seemed as if his feet were stuck to the ground. How had he not known this? Didn't you always announce the events you go to? Why were you suddenly here? A second later, he spotted you, hair put up in an updo, a plain black tee, and regular jeans. You were smiling, but some part of that smile seemed a bit hesitant.

"We will be playing a bit differently today! Instead of the usual Fortnite battles or Apex Legends, we'll be going went and battling out on Red Dead Online! And of course, if you beat (y/n) here you earn bragging rights!"

He noticed you shift in your position a little bit, clearly uncomfortable with the attention you were getting; it didn't even look like you wanted to be there. Kenma could feel his chest hurt, and his palms were sweating now. That's all it is, he told himself. An inconvenient crush, an inconvenient crush, that's all.

Kenma sighed before noticing how he barely knew anyone there and was almost thankful for that fact; but before he could thank his stars, a hand threw itself around his neck and sprung him forward, earning the attention of not just everyone there, but especially you.

"We have our first participant," It was his goddamn roommate, "Kenma's a brilliant gamer!"

Kenma's eyes immediately found yours, and you were looking at him with wide, confused eyes. Although this was set in the open and the atmosphere was quite cold, Kenma felt nothing but warmth radiating all over his body at the mere sight of you; you were just a few feet away, and you were giving him a rather sympathetic expression, and god, you looked so fucking pretty—

"That's great! Sign up, ya'll! Winner will be winning a brand new DualShock 4!"

Oh fuck, Kenma thought before he felt his heart beginning to pound. He was now seated beside you, and he could practically shrink into non-existence. You were unmoving, and you weren't looking at him, but would you have looked at him if you knew he was puddinghead? Insecurity swarmed his being and he could practically feel steam escaping his ears but a moment later, he thought he'd die.

"This was so last minute," you said, rubbing the back of your neck, "The anchor's my cousin and she's so demanding."

"Oh," Kenma said, feeling his heartbeat skyrocket, "I see."

"Yeah! I mean," You giggled now, "I'm not even good at Red Dead Online!"

Kenma smirked, knowing the fact already. You struggled with Red Dead Redemption not because you were bad, but because you couldn't progress with a plot so divisive. You wanted to explore more, and since the game was so vast, you barely bothered with the Online version. You turned to him now and tilted your head.

"You're a gamer, I heard? Kozume-kun, right?"

Fuck, she knows my name, "Y-Yeah. I game when I'm free."

"Do you have a Twitch or YouTube?"

There's no fucking way I'll answer that, "No—"

"Ah, you must really be having a great time then."

Kenma blinked before turning to you with confusion. What did you mean?

"Don't you enjoy streaming?"

"Ah, no, no," You flailed your hands shyly, and Kenma believed he could combust, "It's not like that. I just think, after a point, streaming becomes more for the fans than for yourself. I used to do it for me, but now... I'm needed in places like this for promotion, and I need to have a Patreon if I'm popular or it'll look weird, I don't know... Too many restrictions. I just love gaming, you know?"

Kenma found himself smiling, "Yeah, I know. I've seen your videos."

"Oh?"

Kenma's eyes widened. He wanted to slap himself on his forehead.

"I—I mean, y-you're popular."

"Thanks! You're really sweet, Kozume-kun!"

Fucking hell, Kenma placed a hand on his forehead, She's too cute.

"Say," you said, a sly tone to your voice, "Do you want to get out of here?"

"I'd do anything." Kenma honestly agreed.

But, you couldn't just up and leave. You were called here as Twitch streamer (s/n) (y/n), and that meant your behavior was restricted. As much as you seemed to hate said restriction, Kenma was certain that you wouldn't go against it. It could take a big blow against your viewership, and you wouldn't take that chance.

A second later, your hand gripped his wrist before you shot him a wink. Kenma's heart jumped to the skies before you pulled him away from the crowd, with participants lining the entrance to enter their names. Sure, you were doing something bad—your cousin wanted you there, but not once had she even asked if you wanted to be a part of this event. Just as Kenma was pulled in without his consent. You weren't a competitive gamer, and you were not going to be, even if it was for someone else. After running away a fair distance, Kenma felt the part of his wrist burn right where you were touching him.

"I think I need to run more in real life and not just as Ellie." You said, and Kenma chuckled.

"Running's good."

"I used to run track," You said, turning to him. "Now I run in games and that's it."

You have no right being that cute, he thought before clearing his throat. He slowly pulled away from you, which made your eyes widen before shooting him an apologetic smile. He was a bit confused as to what you had done, did this mean you didn't care about losing followers?

"You might think that I've committed career suicide," You scoffed, "Honestly, this is the bravest I've been in so long."

"What do you mean?"

You shrugged, "Ever since I became a bit popular by streaming, I've just... I could feel myself change with the way my viewers wanted me to be? I don't blame them or anything, I just think that the love I get from them makes me yearn for more. And that yearning leaves me... inept to be myself. It's the downside of wanting to remain popular, I guess."

"It's not like you can't be yourself and still be popular." Kenma added.

"Yeah I know," You said, "I mean, just look at puddinghead0, we don't even know what he looks like, and wow. I adore his content."

Kenma froze once more. Was this being recorded? Did Kuroo finally tip you off and was this being filmed for his reaction? Whatever it was, he wasn't going to reveal to you now.

"Y-Yeah, I think he just doesn't care."

"I wish I was more like that because I end up caring. I like the comments and the views and the love. Agh, it's such a weird complex moral question. Don't even get me started."

Kenma laughed at your reaction before you turned to him and stuck a tongue out. Kenma rolled his eyes before waving a hand at you.

"If anything," Kenma said, looking at the ground, "You didn't lose this follower today."

Your eyes widened at his statement. You smiled before nodding, and let out a chuckle.

"Thank you, Kozume-kun."

Locking the door to his room, Kenma began to edit for his latest video. He was making a review for The Last of Us 2, but his mind was elsewhere. He still hadn't told Kuroo that he had met you, which would only cause the black-haired man to tease him relentlessly. Letting out a sigh, he felt sleep douse his eyelids as he continued the edit, right before a notification popped up on his phone.

It was you.

He narrowed his eyes before checking the date and time; it was unusual for you to stream live on random days. He'd learned your pattern by now. You'd been doing this for a couple of months, and it was quite easy for him to know just when and what time you'd begin. However, the screen for The Last of Us 2 was open and you looked like you had just stopped crying. His heart broke at the sight, and he instantly closed the tabs to his own edit, before opening your video on his monitor. You were taking deep breaths before chuckling.

"Hello to everyone that's still with me," You sounded so broken, Kenma felt helpless as he continued staring at you, "You might be wondering why I'm... yeah. So, I did something and I guess I got punished for it? I was forced into a game contest and I think walking out of it made some of my followers mad. I even spoke to this other person about walking out and honestly, it didn't hit me then that what puddinghead's doing takes a lot of courage."

"Ah, fuck, (y/n)," Kenma groaned.

"I guess even when I expected to lose followers, I didn't expect the hate? Some of the comments were just... nasty. I..." You sniffed, "...I didn't expect that you would hate on someone for making a personal choice? And I didn't do it to offend anyone, I seriously don't know how the internet works. Oh, oh wow—" You looked troubled and Kenma could see why. "—losing out on viewers now, great. 'Don't be a whiny bitch', 'This is why girls shouldn't game'..."

You took a deep breath before calming down and saying the few words Kenma feared you might eventually come around to say.

"This is (y/n), signing off to a world where gaming is appreciated and is not filled with a community of hate. Hope to see you there."

And the stream ended.

Kenma sighed before leaning back, no thought in his head. He knew for a fact that his room-mate must have seen the stream as well, and Kuroo would be calling him about the entire ordeal just to ensure he had something to say about it. Kenma, on the other hand, felt like he had practically pushed you to make this decision and partly felt like taking the blame, despite the common sense telling him that he had nothing to do with it. You weren't the sort of person who would jump at something without a second thought, and even if he didn't know you personally, he had been following you and your streams for months now. It felt like he knew that part of you quite well.

Kuroo was the first to call. Kenma stared at the phone for a bit before letting out a breath and getting back to editing his video. He only had to add commentary, and his mind was already circling on what to say.

Uploading the video took him exactly two more hours, after having missed three calls from Kuroo and twelve messages. At one point, Kuroo had even stopped contacting Kenma, thinking he was busy with something, and he was spot on. Kuroo's eyes wandered on the new notification about his friend's YouTube channel, which was weird considering it was not yet time for him to post something. He knew quite well that Kenma might have definitely seen (y/n)'s stream, and wanted to desperately talk to him about it, but without a clue of what the boy was thinking, Kuroo simply clicked on the notification and let the video play out.

It was the review for the game, The Last of Us 2, and Kuroo knew while giving the review, which was around 8-9 minutes, Kenma would speak his thoughts that were a tad bit uncensored toward the end. He'd talk about the drama surrounding the game, he would even bring up the entire hate that this game was receiving, but instead—Kenma had a rather strange dialogue instead.

"One thing I don't understand is how toxic the gaming community can be, at times," Kuroo paused, narrowing his eyes at his friend's words, "While we welcome new gamers to the entire journey of learning and discovering the joy of gaming, we also tend to put them down if they didn't adhere to a certain trend. I came across one such incident happening to (s/n) (y/n)'s Twitch channel."

"Holy shit!" Kuroo sat up straight, eyes wide as saucers at the bold move his friend made.

"I'm part of this community and I think I have the right to call out how toxic we are in general,"

Kenma's voice didn't even waver, but after knowing him his entire life, Kuroo could deduce that the boy was a bit angry,

"(y/n) didn't particularly do anything wrong, and she's received some nasty comments about being a female gamer, and I think that's...just disgusting. She has all the right to either attend or ditch a gaming event, and no one has to be forced to do something they don't want to do. We all have games we don't like despite being gamers, we don't have to do it all. I support (y/n), and I'll admit, I'm saddened by how her fans have treated her. Her content is great and I have immense respect for her. I hope she decides to come back and stream more. That being said, I think The Last of Us 2 is..."

As he got around to talk more about the game, Kuroo knew that this was a huge step for Kenma, and he had no idea what suddenly made the boy rethink his entire decision on never bringing her up. Now that he had, he's indirectly initiated a conversation with her, she'd definitely try and reach out now—in any way she possibly could, just to thank him at least.

Kuroo noticed his phone ringing a second later and a grin made its way to his lips.

"What just happened?"

"I met her, Kuroo," Kuroo almost had the wind knocked out of him, "She was at my college campus. I was walking back to my room since classes were canceled. There was some sort of gaming event. She didn't want to be a part of it, and neither did I, and we ditched. It was—"

"You like her more now, don't you?"

When Kuroo received nothing more than silence from Kenma's end, he was certain. His precious, introverted, best boy had fallen for someone. It was a proud moment, almost.

"You have to tell her—"

"Kuroo, this... this is all I want to do."

"That's bullshit, and even you know that."

"What? You want me to open up to her and tell her I'm the YouTuber she's been gushing about for so long and I was the one who kind of pushed her into doing what she did, and so that she can hate me afterward for hiding the truth because I wouldn't be losing out on anything and she—"

"Whoa there, Kenma. I'm just saying go talk to her as her favorite YouTuber. You're overthinking this."

"No, you're underthinking this. I did what I had to do. It was... hard to see her like that."

Kuroo let out a sigh but before he could say anything, Kenma had already ended the call. That boy needs to grow a pair, he thought, a bit annoyed at Kenma's nature of avoiding his feelings. While Kenma believed it was for the best, he knew he was simply running away from it. Kuroo knew his friend adored (y/n), but the boy couldn't categorize that as real feelings because he's met her just once. Finding something real virtually scared him more than finding something real in real life, and while Kuroo wanted to understand that, it only annoyed him because Kenma wasn't even trying.

When you watched puddinghead0's recent video, you were jaw-dropped in awe and absolute admiration. Tears filled your eyes, but what was more was how his voice now seemed a tad bit familiar, though you didn't pay any heed to it since you've been following this channel for an entire year now. It moved you to know someone you've been admiring has been watching your content, but at the same time, he was speaking up for you? You wanted to thank him, you wanted to send him a message and say you were incredibly grateful for what he's done and the only way you knew you could say something was on Twitter.

So you mentioned him on a tweet and poured your heart out within character limit. You wondered if he would notice your tweet since you've mentioned him countless times before, but even if he didn't, even if he paid you no heed after all of this, you were still grateful. However, a second later, you received a new follower. You blinked upon noticing that it was Kozume-kun from the other day. A soft smile fell on your lips at the soft recollection of running away from a gaming event, after which everything spiraled, but you didn't in any way blame him. Your mind again drifted back to puddinghead0 and you sighed.

I'd kill to see him, man, you thought, eyeing your tweet of him dreamily.

A second later, there was a notification. You almost spat out your heart at the mere words: puddinghead0 likes your tweet.

puddinghead0 likes your tweet.

"Oh my god—" You choked on air. However, a second later, you found it difficult to remain sitting on your bed.

Don't thank me, I hope you're feeling better. You didn't deserve any of that.

Is that a—

...deserve any of that. <3

Fuck me.

Kenma almost dozed off in class right before it ended. It wasn't like it was school where the teacher would wake him up after noticing him asleep, no one really bothered. Kenma was pushed awake by the momentum of the class once it was over and he leaned back before gathering his things. Tightening his hair tie, he casually walked out of class and got to the campus. He spotted the event area, where the gaming event had occurred and instantly spotted his room-mate and a bunch of people gathered there. Rolling his eyes, he walked away from there, not wanting to gather any attention.

"Kenma!"

He had failed. Kenma froze to his spot before turning to spot his room-mate dashing over to him, a wide grin plastered on his features. Wrapping a hand over Kenma's shoulders, his roommate brought him to the others he was talking to, before releasing him.

"You're that guy (y/n) ran away with during that event, right?" One of them asked, and Kenma didn't bother to respond.

"Why did she run though? I mean, it doesn't make sense for her to just up and leave."

"I've been telling you," The same guy said, "She's not the one playing those games. She's just the face."

Kenma frowned. What is this dick talking about?

"Man, I think that's harsh," His roommate said, "I just think she's too chicken to play in front of people—"

"She's literally a streamer." Kenma said, rolling his eyes.

"Yeah, but why did she—"

"If you can't understand that she doesn't owe you shit, then there's no helping it. She didn't want to play at that event, and she didn't. I don't see why you aren't calling me a fake gamer for running too." Kenma snapped.

The others shrugged, "That's because we've seen you play—"

"It's bullshit." Kenma said before walking away. You all are bullshit, he thought before the frown on his face settled into an uncharacteristic glare, directed at what who knows what.

A moment later, he felt his phone buzz with a notification. Kenma opened his phone and saw that he had a message from you, but what confused him was—

The message was directed to Kenma and not puddinghead. His heart jumped as his fingers roamed over the notification, wanting to open it only when he was in the comfortable confines of his room. Swallowing the bubbling anxiety, Kenma fought the urge to smile as he continued walking back, unaware of what the Twitter message could be. It would normally take him around 12 minutes to get to his apartment from campus, but that day, Kenma merely took 7.

On reaching his room, he finally allowed himself to open your message.

(y/n): Hey! I've taken a break from streaming for now, just wanted to let you know. I don't know why I'm sending you this message, but talking to you that day made me realize that I don't really need to seek approval constantly. Also, puddinghead liked my tweet and I'm a bit too happy so I needed to gush, don't @ me

Kenma chuckled, feeling his heart jump at every word you'd said. He knew you didn't realize that you were gushing about him to him, but that didn't matter. He wanted to gush about you too. He felt a stone stuck at his throat at how real all of this felt, despite having only seen you once.

Kenma Kozume: I think he's the sort of guy who isn't too loud about the things he likes. And I think a break is a good idea, (s/n).

(y/n): Call me (y/n), came the immediate response. Kenma's eyes widened at the fact that you were online, and that the two of you were currently exchanging messages live.

(y/n): Yeah, I got the feeling from his videos that he's perhaps a private person. I'm still really glad that he supported me, I can't thank him enough. I'm feeling much better already!

Kenma smiled, I'm glad that you are.

(y/n): Also

He blinked.

(y/n): Do you want to co-op at Bloodborne? I'm trying to get a platinum, haha.

"Fuck," He let out a breath before chuckling uncharacteristically. "You can't be serious."

(y/n): I'll send you my PSN, and you can add me as a party member. Only if you're up to it, I mean.

Kenma Kozume: Sure, sounds like fun. Also

Kenma gulped. He felt like this was showing off, but he didn't care. He was going to say it.

Kenma Kozume: I already have platinum in Bloodborne. :)

(y/n): Ah, screw you.

Kenma chuckled. He wouldn't admit it, but his heart was hammering against his chest and his palms were sweating. Soon, he'd be connected to you via the DualShock and the two of you would be co-oping in a game that was designed to make players fail. He wasn't too sure how much more his heart was going to take, and while he knew he had to tell someone, for some reason, Kenma wanted to keep this a secret. It wasn't because he was ashamed or he didn't want anyone to find out.

It was simply because it was too good to be true, and he didn't want to lose out on a chance to get to know you more. Because, if this kept up...

If this kept up, Kenma was surely going to fall in love with you.

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moved-to-void-kissed · 3 years

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The Great Aria Lore Ramble

(or, "Echo talks about her self-inserts way more than her friends were expecting to hear", part one)

So, last night, I was rambling to one of my friends about how ridiculous the plot of Kingdom Hearts is at times (mainly because of the whole "every villain is Xehanort" aspect that I feel worsens the antagonists, like Ansem as he's portrayed in KH1 and how the Organisation members are treated in KH2 versus KH3, for example). As part of this, I mentioned the player character's canonical fate at the end of KHUX - because that is also tied to the "everyone is Xehanort" joke - and I mentioned how my old friend and I had decided years ago that the story of our own player characters (i.e. Aria and Liviana) would not follow canon, and we came up with our own story for them (i.e. ourselves, since they were both self-inserts), which I could explain if my friend particularly wanted me to.

She then said that she would love to hear Aria's story.

Over 1400 words later, I ended up with this massive long ramble and realised that - despite how much I've wanted and expressed interest in making something like this - I'm not actually sure if I've ever written out all of Aria's story in one go. So, I figured I would paste what I wrote here as well, to finally have a big concrete piece about her lore. As the self-insert I have actively had and developed for the longest time (about four and a half years!), Aria has a lot of story to her, even outside of a selfshipping context =P

This was originally written for a friend of mine who is not a selfshipper and has no knowledge of Kingdom Hearts, so some aspects of the wider lore of the games may be oversimplified or glossed over slightly. However, this post is 100% okay for people to read and reblog or comment on, if they wish to!

So, first, I need to explain the overarching lore mechanics, probably in more detail than is necessary. In Kingdom Hearts, whenever a person's heart is stolen or consumed by darkness, they turn into an Emblem Heartless, which are fairly mindless creatures of darkness that seek to devour other hearts to create more Heartless, and eventually devour the hearts of entire worlds to send them from the Realm of Light to the Realm of Darkness. There are also Pureblood Heartless that are naturally formed from the general "darkness in people's hearts" and are generated en masse by the Realm of Darkness. Now, a Heartless is formed every time a person's heart is consumed, as long as the person had darkness in their heart (which is everyone except very special cases). But, only if the person had a strong will, their body and soul that get left behind when their heart is stolen become an entity in their own right, called a Nobody - the very strongest-willed people retain a human appearance, but most Nobodies are blind twisted figures. Since they don't have hearts, Nobodies cannot feel emotions (though some of them use memories of their former lives as whole people to pretend to express emotions), but the ones with human forms can eventually grow their own hearts and become their own individual people again through interaction with others. (Yes, this means the Heartless are the hearts and the Nobodies are the bodies. It's confusing, I know.) Also, when a Heartless is destroyed by a Keyblade, it releases the heart it had consumed. If the person had also formed a Nobody, then if that is also destroyed, the original person is recompleted and brought back to life again.

Additionally, this is all taking place in KHUX, the mobile game, which is set many many years before the rest of the series. In that game, you play as a Keyblade wielder in one of the five Unions, who works together with the people in their party to collect light (in solid form, called Lux) for their Union. This is going on while the leaders of each of the Unions get into a massive conflict among themselves about the prophesised Keyblade War, where all of the Keyblade wielders will fight over Lux and die to create a Keyblade Graveyard. Some of the lucky wielders who were chosen for their light, the Dandelions, get to escape the Keyblade War and go to a new version of the world with their memories of the War wiped clean (except things aren't 100% happy because of yet more plot points).

Okay, now I can get to our characters' stories.

My old friend and I made a joke not long after we met that we were like Heartless and Nobody counterparts to each other, because we were so similar, and we decided to reflect that in the backstories of our player characters for KHUX, the mobile game we met through. Their avatar, called Liviana, was the emotionless Nobody, while mine, called Aria, was the volatile Heartless - but, to get around the fact that all the player characters are human Keyblade wielders (and also explain why we didn't look much like each other), we came up with the idea that Aria was a Heartless possessing a human vessel, because they've been shown to have the ability to do that in other games. (We were like 14 at this point, okay, we thought it was cool). Specifically, her "true nature" as a Heartless was a pink possessor, which looks like this in the game:

Aria and Liviana worked together in the same party (called the Sapphires) within their Union, Anguis. They could both wield Keyblades that made use of the power of darkness instead of light - Livi's being Missing Ache and Aria's being Darkgnaw - but they still fought for the side of the light and helped their party collect Lux. At this point, the whole mechanics of Nobodies being a thing weren't actually very well-documented, so Livi didn’t realise that that was what they were. Also, the process of them being split into Heartless and Nobody was a bit different to normal because their original person, called Shiro, had been artificially flooded with darkness as part of an experiment to test the limits of the heart. This means that the Heartless formed (i.e. Aria) was stronger and retained more of its mind and sense of self than normal, and the Nobody formed (i.e. Livi) didn't have as many memories of their former life as they normally would have. But, the two can still definitely tell that they are connected somehow, which is why they decided to join a party together and try and figure out why Livi seems to lack emotions and memories (since they don't know what they are).

Eventually, the foretold time of the Keyblade War came about, because everyone in the Unions started fighting amongst themselves in competitions to get the most Lux for their Union, and it became too much about the competition rather than the gathering of light. In the game, the canon player character is not chosen as a Dandelion, so they fight in the Keyblade War (they end up fighting all of the Foretellers in a big boss rush, actually), and nearly die. But, they are saved by Ephemer, the leader of the Dandelions, and taken to the new world with the Dandelions (losing their memories of having fought in the war in the process).

This is what happens with Liviana, but Aria - being a Heartless and therefore very vulnerable to Keyblades, since Keyblades are the only thing that can permanently destroy Heartless by releasing the hearts inside of them - is gravely injured even moreso than most others are. So, Aria escapes the battlefield using a Corridor of Darkness (passages between worlds and realms that the Heartless use to travel and spread to different worlds; technically anyone can use them, but humans and other entities need to wear special armour or outfits that protect them from the darkness, otherwise their bodies get worn away).

Except she then can't get back.

The Corridor leaves her stranded in the Realm of Darkness, an empty place where hordes of mindless Heartless and the remains of worlds whose hearts and essences have been consumed by darkness dwell. Time does not pass here as it should, and Aria has no means of returning to her normal world. Liviana also cannot find her in the new world that the Dandelions escaped to (it's called Daybreak Town, but Daybreak Town also existed before the war), but because of the two's status as counterparts, they know that she's still out there somewhere.

Eventually, the new Daybreak Town is completely destroyed by darkness, partially brought about by infighting between the Foretellers and the new leaders that succeeded them being unable to stop it. This is what causes the "all the Keyblade wielders choose to either sleep and become a dream eater or let their heart reincarnate" that I rambled about earlier. By this time, the experiences Livi has shared with those around them have allowed them to gain their own heart and become their own person, but they end up getting stuck in a place called the Final World once they fall asleep because Aria still exists, so the two can't become recompleted into one entity again. So, they both end up stuck in a timeless area.

This allows them to catch up to the main timeline of the games, where Aria meets and teams up with Aqua (a Keyblade wielder who falls into the realm of darkness at the end of her game to save her friend Terra) to survive the rest of the realm of darkness, and Livi meets Sora (the main character) when he ends up in the Final World in KH3 after nearly dying to bring all his friends back.

We're still working on the combined story of the two of us, but I've kind of lost contact with my old friend. So, until further notice, I have it so that Aria escapes the realm of darkness into the present day after Aqua is rescued during KH3, and she ends up living with the rest of the Wayfinders (Aqua's friends) in their home world, the Land of Departure - where she's still trying to figure out a way to reconnect with her counterpart who she can sense still exists, somehow, somewhere. (She also manages to be freed from the human vessel she was sort of possessing the whole time, so that girl - also called Aria, that’s where the name comes from - can be her own person again. It's a bit of a redemption arc.)

And that’s the story!

#a call from the void #creations from the void #this post is okay to reblog!#self‑insert: darkness' champion (aria)#selfship #selfshipping #friend: my iridescent counterpart (liviana)#and also a bit of #friend: a lion in white (shiro)#friends from friends #platonic F/Os #both liviana and shiro belong to my old friend not me!#wait also at the end I mentioned #self‑insert: ruby in the light (ves)#vaguely #ask to tag #since my friend doesn’t really know that I selfship I didn’t go into the whole aspect of aria being with aqua #but don’t worry that is still absolutely a thing it just wasn’t mentioned here since this was about aria and liviana

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revchainsaw · 3 years

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Nausicaa and the Valley of the Wind (1984)

Prayers and Salutations Cult Members! I am your mysterious minister Reverend Chainsaw and this is another nights revival service at the Cult Film Tent Revival. I bring you a special word tonight. Tonight's word is about a person who roamed the earth, in a time where people were backward and warlike. A leader emerged into a kingdom full of eschatological expectation. This leader came preaching peace, and was killed for the sins of the world, but was resurrected. In that resurrection a new hope was brought to the planet, and true healing through the power of love in the face of violence is made possible. I am talking of course about Princess Nausicaa from the Valley of the Wind.

The Message

Nausicaa and the Valley of the Wind is the film that put studio Ghibli and Hayoa Miyazaki on the map. No animated feature this grandiose and epic had been achieved by 1984, as much as Disney may beg to differ. The tale may be simple, and it may feel super 80s to us today, but Nausicaa is a masterpiece, and the fact that Howl's Moving Castle is brought up alongside Princess Mononoke and Spirited Away more often than Nausicaa is a farce and a tragedy.

The film takes place on a fantastic planet that seems to have suffered the ravages of an apocalyptic war. A war that involved gigantic warriors with powers so devastating they about made the entire planet inhospitable if not uninhabitable; save for a few areas. The fall out of this ancient war has left the earth in a state of repair, where the natural processes of a planet healing has creating giant toxic jungles.

Beyond these jungles lie two imperialistic factions, they seem almost to be city-states but it's not terribly clear. The Kingdom of Tolmekia, a militaristic proto-fascist society of almost Spartan sensibilities. Tolmekia is governed by the ambitious and cynical Princess Kushana, But I like to call her Furiosa. Just like Furiosa, Kushana is physically missing parts of herself, a visual metaphor for her metaphysical lacking and the parts of her humanity she has cut away. Kushana's world view is one of fear, a fear that can only be quelled by waging a genocidal campaign against her enemies.

Speaking of enemies, the Athens to Tolmekias Sparta would be the Pejite Kingdom. The Pejites might like to view themselves as simply responding to Tolmekian aggression, but the narrative of the film, and the story told quite visibly on the body of Kushana, is quite different. The Pejites are just as bloodthirsty if not more palettable in their approach, but like the Tolmekians, they believe only their own lives have any value. And thus, in this theatre of war, a Giant Warrior from the ages before is unearthed by the Pejite Kingdom, Stolen by the Tolmekians, before the forces of nature themselves, seem to conspire to drop the Giant Warriors "egg" right into the Valley of the Wind.

The Valley of the Wind is populated like the world of Avatar the Last Airbender, that is mostly of children and the elderly. The people of the Valley have been able to remain untouched by the ravages of war and the toxic jungles of the damaged world primarily due to geographic luck that's explained in minor exposition in the film. They are ruled by a King, and they are all deeply enamored by their beloved Princess Nausicaa.

Nausicaa is a gentle soul. She is kind to animals, she is empathetic, unreasonably patient, and bears pain and grief inflicted on her out of cruelty with a saintly understanding. She really is a thinly veiled Christ figure, scratch that. There is no veil. But she's also my favorite Christ figure. She does not preach a message, as much as she tries to save everyone from their own short sighted goals. She is not perfect, she does lash out and do some fantasy sword fight murder, but she regrets her actions so deeply that it seems to have played a part in motivating her to become even more compassionate and patient with the evils of the world.

Nausicaa discovers yet another plot by the Pejites, who are afraid of the possibility of the Tolmekians awakening the Giant Warrior, to use animal cruelty to enrage a group of almost invincible giant insects known as the Ohm. By luring the Ohm into the Valley of the Wind where the Tolmekians have become an occupying force, they hope to completely wipe out everything that threatens them. The Tolmekians DO awaken the Giant Warrior and pure pandemonium ensues. Nausicaa manages to save the Baby Ohm and calm the rage of the bloodthirsty Ohm swarm, and to defeat the warlike tendencies of both the Pejites and the Tolmekians. All the while fulfilling a prophecy fortold about a messianic savior figure called the Man in Blue.

Now that you have heard the Gospel of Nausicaa, please stand to receive The Benediction.

Best Character: Half a Person

Now that I've spent the better part of this review gushing about our Lord and savior Nausicaa. I have to admit, she's at times a bit too perfect, a bit too saccharin. Even her flaw, or her one weakness and her failing to be perfect, just adds to the perfection. I can't even say she never makes mistakes cuz she made one, and that's infuriating. It's even more infuriating that I still think she's a great character. Normally this kind of thing really kills a hero. Most Chosen Ones are the most boring and least likeable characters in their narratives. I don't know how Nausicaa avoids this trap, but she does. I'll have to do some meditating on that.

However, just like in your typical Chosen One fantasy narrative, the hero is a lot less fun than the villain. I'm going to say the best character in Nausicaa is Kushana. I want to be like Nausicaa, but I don't understand her. She's almost alien, even though we learn all about her. Kushana is mysterious, secretive, and enigmatic, yet I understand her. She barely has an arc, she doesn't really change. She's cold and cynical to the bone, but I don't need to see much of her situation to completely understand why she is the way she is. I usually hate totalitarian bad guys, but Kushana I like. Sue Me.

Also fun fact, did you that Nausicaa means 'Sinker of Ships'. That's kinda fun.

Best Scene: Spoiled for Choice

I'm going to be lazy and say take your pick. There is really not a bad seen in this movie. If the action isn't going, then there's intriguing dialogue. If there's no dialogue then you may be about to get hit with a forceful burst of whimsy. There's horror, there's swordfights and aerial dogfights. The only thing in Nausicaa I don't like to see, is the bloody tortured Ohm Baby. It's like a god damned Sarah Mclachlan commercial.

Best Creature: Foxy Shazam!

The Ohm are so simplistic yet so detailed. The number of eyes is alien, but the way they are used is expertly expressive. Who'd think you could get me to love what basically amounts to a silverfish with the intensity that I love a kitten. How did Miyazaki pull an Okja with a creature that should be haunting our dreams? I don't know.

And what about the Giant Warrior! If you are an Evangelion fan then you probably already know that Hideaki Anno designed and animated the melting goopy biomechanical beast. Surely a sight that would make both H.R. Giger and Clive Barker giddy with excitement. Just the image of the silhouettes marching amidst the desolation of the old world is burned into my brain.

So which of these is the best creature from Ghibli's first outing? It's fucking Teto. It was always gonna be Teto you idiot. Just look at Teto, he's adorable. He's too cute to exist. I'm so alone. I need a pet.

Best Character Design: Tolmekian Regalia

I originally included this category to talk some about Kushana, however, at that time I also thought I was going to say Nausicaa was the best character. I thought hard about deleting it, but I think it's a different category and you can't accuse me of playing favorites because my favorite character is clearly Teto. Just to keep it simple. It's the two costume shift from full military regalia in white and gold, to the one metal arm, warrior princess get up. It's a great costume and a great look. Get on this shit cosplay nerds. It's great for Cons in Canada, you have to think about layers, and you can't keep going as Mr. Plow. It's lazy.

Best Excuse to Talk About Patrick Stewart's Character: Lord Yupa

I just realized that I was about to write this whole review without talking about Lord Yupa. Lord Yupa is a sword saint and all around badass I think a lot of entertainment, especially in the west is lacking bad ass old men. Lord Yupa particularly shines in the early half of the film as a warrior and as a wise council to Nausicaa. If she's Jesus then Yupa is John the Baptist. He is also voiced by the elegant and eloquent Patrick Stewart. He also comes with 2 chocobos!

Worst Character: For Whom Asbel Tolls

This might also be the worst actor category as well. Actual Cannibal (haha meme) and actual monster (haha real life) Shia Labeouf doesn't so much act in the role as he read the lines and it was recorded. The good news it doesn't effect the film too much because Asbel is completely forgettable. He is a catalyst to some of the action, but besides that I don't really care for him.

Worst Aspect: To Be Fair ...

It would be unfair to completely ignore anything negative about Nausicaa. I have already mentioned in many places that there are some pretty corny, or pretty predictable tropes to this movie. But what I can't capture in words is exactly why it feels fresh when it's done in this movie. I suppose that's what makes it good. It's just so good that it's weak points are lifted up by it's strengths. Some people may bored of Nausicaa's unyielding goodness, or that she very rarely chooses to take action as much as she chases and pleads with her surroundings, but I mean, she does pay for that eventually. It's a fantasy story and it hits a lot of timeless themes that have been hit in stories for as long as human beings have been telling stories. Some people may feel that it doesn't do enough to stand out.

Summary

I have defined the S tier for myself as "near perfect and personal favorite" films. I like to think that Nausicaa and the Valley of the Wind is near perfect. Some may say that it looks like it might just be a personal favorite. In the case of Nausicaa, I'm having a very hard time telling the difference. I think it would be overly simple to claim that Nausicaa is just an ancient archetypal heroes journey with an 80s anime coat of paint. I think it's doing quite a few new and interesting things with that formula, those things are just playing out all around that narrative as opposed to being at it's center. For a first full length outing by the studio, you can really see Miyazaki's heart and the values he holds close to. I'll repeat myself so that we are completely clear on the matter. I think Nausicaa and the Valley of the Wind is a near perfect movie.

Overall Grade: S

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flowerflamestars · 4 years

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Darlingg, (can I call you that? I'll stop if you don't want me to) have you seen the latest sneak peak? With Eris and all? I crave your thoughts on the sneak peak and I honestly have no idea what to think about it

Hi!! I have, and let me say, my feelings are mixed.

You know that sound, when you’re in a coffeeshop, and the espresso machine expunges steam? Like a muted, nicer, kettle shriek? That’s the noise my brain made seeing the sneak peek.

List, because it sparked a whole wildfire:

1. Nesta glowing!! Nesta dancing! Nesta, who conquered Death! Just the implication that she’s okay, that she’s feeling strong again? Hope, reignited.

2. Cassian on the sidelines actually makes me...very happy? I want them together eventually, but the fact he’s just watching? So good. So, deserved? He can’t go from creepily following her, telling her she’s unlovable, being complicit in her banishment to Partner. He’s got to earn it, and frankly? I hope it aches.

3. Autumn. When the cover came out there was that whole, orange = autumn court thing? The other covers in that style aren’t super plot indicative, but it did seem weird that it wasn’t red. Repeatedly, red is Cassian’s color. (Hello, love triangle Morrigan wearing nothing but the color of his siphons and power, never, ever Azriel’s blue or black).

Nesta sticks to cool colors: purple (feeling strong as a mortal, going toe to toe with Cas), blue, black (severe and powerful against the high lords), flat grey (in the depths of misery), silver (for her power).

SJM does use consistent color for character cues in acotar so it seems...off? Interesting, at least.

Which, just to divert into setting, are they in Autumn in this scene?? Are we somehow going to go from banishment > fight/healing > Nesta, being the actual Night Court emissary after they threw her away?

The plot is not what I thought, and that is both intriguing and confounding. But yes! Nesta finally...doing a thing? hopefully of her own volition? Devouring the moon? Gimme, that’s the Nesta that was always there, finally out.

4. Eris.

Okay, so before I even talk about how I..don’t really care for this character, let’s recall what is actually canon, about Eris:

He was engaged to Morrigan. They...I think, never met before that? Mor tried to escape the betrothal by sleeping with Cassian, invoking the ire of her family who brutally tortured her and left her for dead with a note NAILED to her body on Autumn land.

From canon, with specificity that I think implies some kind of understood rules between Courts: Eris did not touch her.

We seem to be meant to understand that if he had, he would have been forced to take her in, to bring her into the Autumn Court. He doesn’t do that- which is perhaps both a single moment of kindness that kept them both from being trapped and, conversely, QUITE LITERALLY, leaving her for dead.

He was aware of, if not directly involved in, the death of Lucien’s lowborn lover. There’s some handwavy detail stuff over who did the the murdering, but Lucien seems to hate him for it and the feeling is definitely mutual. We don’t know what he actually did.

He wants Beron’s throne. He’s not??? Heir?? (there seems to be some sense that since Lucien was the most powerful it was feared he’d inherit because Lordship = magical destiny) But he also seems fairly sure that with proper allies and Beron dead he could seize control? We don’t know enough for this to make sense.

What we DO know is that he hates his father. Sound familiar?

He’s on his second round of alliances with Keir, and now assured by Rhys, to come after Beron. (Which makes the Morrigan marriage thing even more suspect. If shes ‘the most powerful of her bloodline’ how does marrying her out benefit Keir? If Eris just wanted her power, why did he reject the marriage? My nascent theory is switchroo? Keir helps Eris take Autumn, Autumn helps Keir reclaim Night for his bloodline. Mutual heirs inherit two newly crowned kingdoms...so again, WHY did Eris not want Mor?)

He’s a bastard, a villain, a fucking rat...and we actually know nothing about him. HMMM?

He’s the monster in Morrigans nightmares. Because she saw him, when he found in the forest, and watched him leave? Because marrying him meant, in a very real way, doom? He makes it easy: he’s rude as hell to her, and clearly despises her right back for ??? reasons.

It would have been SO SO easy to leave him there, the monstrous asshole son of a particularly monstrous, hated High Lord.

But the books keep bringing him back. Rhys is willing to make deals with him. Our entire main cast is now tied in with an Autumn coup in the making.

Why?

Because sjm loves nothing more than taking a bad, bad man, and cracking him open like a walnut to say: look, I’m a monster. I know I’m a monster. But I did it to survive. For love. For a just cause. Because a greater power made me and I wanted to live.

And it’s echoed by a female character going: no, you are, but I see you.

And wiping it all away, even if the bad actions continue, because it was a Mask. A Game. See: Rhysand. Tamlins shitty forgiveness plotline. Az and Cassian’s Court of Nightmares cosplay.

And Eris just...is not the character I’d have ever picked for redemption? (Or fucking Tamlin, for that matter) Because a weird thing happens where male asshole characters are Redeemed Through the Gaze of Love feat. inappropriate flirting and female characters who aren’t nice (not even villians! just, you know, not nice), need to apologize. To change.

Yes, I’m talking about Nesta. Because this is her book!

It’s a wildcard, but retrospectively, it’s set up in the text? Not my fav. At all.

When we all said hey, wouldn’t it be really, really good if Nesta had a friend separate from the IC, maybe from another court? We did not mean the catchall IC boogeymen everyone maybe? justifiably wants dead.

5. Canon outside canon. Sjm has been previously, totally open with the fact that in the original/early drafts, Nesta was actually meant for Lucien. See: the fire on her drawer. She’s always been interested in an Autumn matchup for Nesta.

We know that the villain of Nesta’s story is the Queens.

Does Eris come in because of Lucien, who is spending all his time, hey, with one of the only Queens who isn’t evil? Does Nesta get dragged into the coup? Does Nesta involve herself in the coup because there was some question as to whether Beron might have been colluding with Hybern + ish the Mortal Queens?

6. Guys, I love a ball scene. I love this simple show of power and grace- does Nesta trust Eris or does Nesta simply, finally, trust herself? Either way, she’s killing it, and it is FUCKING CASSIAN UP. This who we always knew existed- Nesta who can play the game. Who can do the courtly bullshit, even if she has no time for it. Who is beautiful and powerful, and I hope, wearing the Most Incredible Dress. (I hope it isn’t red).

The more I think about it, the more these Nesta, Eris lines in the text revoltingly add up? Ugh. The Older Vilified Sibling who was doing their one Rebellion Against the Shitty Parent, misconstrued. Team: wow, Mor Hates Us, huh?. Team: You don’t know me, or what I’ve done. Everything We Did in War retroactively Doesn’t Matter Because We’re Assholes. Fire and Brimstone. Maybe we were fucking trapped and You Don’t Get to Judge the Escape.

Cool cool cool, I kind of hate that. Please let it be a spite dance.

In sum: the snippet both wildly renewed my interest and also I keep going ERIS?? ERIS?, but maybe it won’t be as bad as it seems. It is, after all, a very short little section and it proved at least once thing: Nesta’s going to be strong again, seemingly healthy again, and that’s all I wanted.

p.s. (Darling is the nicest, of course you can. I call everyone kind of any iteration of ‘lovely’ or babe’, but if that ever makes you uncomfy let me know!)

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fragmentedshards · 5 years

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Eira, Chapter Two

When Loki reached roughly the middle of the main avenue of County Keldcaster, he stopped to take a look around. It had not occurred to him when Thor suggested rehabilitation in Midgard that he would have no idea where to begin or what to do. Where would he stay? How would he provide for food? What was he going to tell anybody he happened to meet about himself? He stood in the middle of the street, slowly looking around him at the shopfronts and trying to decide what to do next. Behind him to the right he saw a small, deep purple building with windows full of books and the words Pippin & Puddleglum written across the top of the doorframe in gold lettering. Wondering how he had walked past such a vibrant structure, he retraced his steps back to it and, hesitating a moment, stepped through the door to the interior.

The bell above the door jingled lightly, and two simultaneously different and similar smells flooded Loki’s nose at the exact same moment. One was the fresh scent of brand new books, barely thumbed through by even five people; the other was the musty scent of old books, with peeling edges on their covers and scars on their spines. For an instant his mind was transported back to the grand library in Asgard, reading books on magic as a little boy with his mother, both of them basking in a soft golden light. As his eyes adjusted to the dim light within Pippin & Puddleglum, he began to see the design of the whole place. Sturdy oak shelves absolutely stuffed with books stretched all the way up to the ceiling, two stories high, and a marvelous spiral staircase with intricate carvings in the wood ran up to the second story floor from the center of the building. In the far back against the right wall was a long wooden service desk. Dotted around the first and second floors were armchairs, couches, and coffee tables; all of them looked rather worn out and none of them matched. Loki could not see what the floor of the second story looked like, but as the floor beneath his feet was covered in shabby patterned rugs of all different colors he assumed the same for the top floor. There was a good deal of people scattered throughout, and a muted hum of activity permeated the building which came from the whispers of visitors to one another.

His thought in entering Pippin & Puddlelgum was to gain his bearings and make a plan. However, before he had fully taken in the entire scene, he was approached by a pale, portly woman wearing a light blue sweater and smiling brightly at him. She stood a full head shorter than Loki himself and beamed up at him from behind soft auburn curls that brushed her wool- clad shoulders. He noticed that she had smile lines on either side of her face, but only one dimple which resided on her right cheek.

“How can I help you?” she inquired, peering curiously at him. He knew enough about Midgard to recognize her accent as American.

“I... I’m sorry, I’m trying to find a place to stay and somewhere to work,” he stammered. He had not thought ahead this far at all.

“Oh, you’re a foreigner like Lisette and myself,” she laughed. “What brings you to County Keldcaster?”

Loki struggled to answer her question. He was not used to being caught this much off guard. “My family... they thought living here for a while would do me some good.”

“I see,” she nodded. “What did you say your name was?”

“L-Laurence,” he thought as quickly as he could as he spoke. “Laurence Royal.”

The woman stared at him for a split second, as if detecting his lie, before smiling once more. He had not noticed it before, but her eyes were a dark violet. “Well, I’m Eira, and this is my best friend and business partner Lisette,” she gestured at another woman who was emerging from behind the nearest bookshelf.

The woman named Lisette was just as pale as Eira, and their hair was roughly the same length and color, but the likenesses ended there. Where Eira was short and round, Lisette was tall and slender. Ezra's cheeks were chubby, but Lisette’s cheekbones were high and defined. Ezra’s deep purple eyes conveyed kindness, while Lisette’s peridot-green ones scanned Loki suspiciously from head to toe. She crossed her arms and leaned on the bookshelf, pursing her lips and furrowing her eyebrows.

“Now let’s see...” Eira clasped her hands together in thought while Lisette continued to stare unblinkingly at Loki. “The only inn in County Keldcaster is way up in the hills and is being completely rebuilt, it won’t be ready for guests for months... well, we can get to that later. As for work... what do you like to do?”

This question threw Loki for a loop. On Asgard he had spent most of his childhood and teenage years either playing pranks on Thor or else shut up in the library for hours. Everything he had done from then on had been centered on revenge. He realized he only had one answer that would suffice in Midgard.

He took a deep breath and answered. “Honestly... I love books,” he smiled sheepishly and gestured about them at the plethora of books. “I suppose that is what drew me in here to gather my thoughts in the first place.”

“Oh I see,” Eira laughed good-naturedly. “In that case I’m sure we can find something for you to do around here, right Lisette?”

“Sure,” came Lisette’s curt reply. She had raised an eyebrow higher up her forehead, but her eyes remained trained on Loki’s face. He shifted uncomfortably and did his best to pay attention to Eira. Listening to her go on, he smiled in spite of himself.

“Pippin & Puddleglum is the only bookshop in town, and the only library. We have old and new books for rent and for sale,” Eira beamed, but then her face fell. “But I don’t think we have the budget for a third employee... Oh I’ve got it!” she exclaimed, clasping her hands together again in excitement. “I have a spare bedroom in my house, why don’t you just live with me for the time being?”

At this, Lisette finally broke her gaze upon Loki and instead turned it upon Eira, who did not notice her friend staring at her as if she had lost her mind and continued to speak. Loki, for his part, felt his jaw drop and had to lift it with his hand.

“It’s only me and my cat right now, and there’s always plenty of food, so it won’t be any trouble to have you... lodging will be your payment for the work you do here at the bookshop! It’s perfect!”

Lisette looked as if she wanted to say something, but she kept quiet. Loki took his chance and bowed low. “Thank you for your kindness, Miss Eira,” he whispered humbly, then stood once more to find Eira and Lisette both with mildly surprised expressions on their faces.

“How nice,” Eira smiled and recovered herself in a moment, while Lisette fixed Loki with a stare once more. “Now, it’s nearly closing time, so Lisette and I are going to finish tending to the rest of the customers and then lock up... you’re welcome to pick a book and a chair until we’ve finished!” she motioned to the mass of shelves and seats, and with that she turned on her heel and walked briskly to the service desk. Lisette remained a moment longer, keeping her judgmental eyes on Loki, before pivoting and following Eira to the back of Pippin & Puddleglum.

Loki stood still until both women were positioned behind the desk and had begun rising up purchases. When he finally moved, he directed his steps to the bookshelf on the left wall and perused a small section. Eira had not exaggerated; there was certainly every kind of book on these shelves. Loki found books on ancient civilizations and famous historical figures, on plants and animals, books full of classic stories and poetry. He finally selected a shabby paperback of Nordic myths - he thought this would be appropriate as well as nostalgic - and settled into a threadbare green armchair to read.

Reading the stories about his family, his associates, and his environment brought his mind back to his old life, before he learned the truth and everything fell apart. These stories were really nothing more than mortal interpretations of the truth. In truth it was almost comical to read the stories Midgardians dreamt up about their gods and goddesses, particularly regarding his own fate: strapped to a boulder beneath a deadly serpent, venom dripping from its fangs. Loki covered his mouth to keep from laughing.

It seemed like just the next minute - but it was actually about thirty minutes - when Loki realized that all of the customers had left. He returned the book to the shelf and began walking to the back of Pippin & Puddleglum, searching for Eira. As he came within earshot of the service desk, he heard Eira and Lisette whispering. The more strident voice was Lisette’s, he knew now. He jumped behind the bookcase to eavesdrop.

“Are you insane, Eira?” she was asking in hushed whispers. “You have invited a stranger to live in your home. A complete and total stranger from who knows where!”

Loki heard Eira sigh. He peeked out from behind the bookcase and saw her shrug.

“What was I supposed to do? The inn is completely in shambles, so he can’t stay there, and even if there was anywhere else in town for him to stay there is no assurance that anywhere else would hire him, and we don't have enough money in the budget for an extra employee. This was the best possible solution.”

“You know this is dangerous,” Lisette chided angrily. “We both know it.”

“Well,” Eira sighed, audibly annoyed with her friend. “If he murders me, you know where I keep the file detailing my funeral and burial arrangements.”

Loki heard a drawer slam shut and had just enough time to jump into an innocent position - merely admiring the selection of Proust - before Eira and Lisette rounded the corner, both of them wearing burgundy coats.

“Alright, let’s be off,” Eira announced, grabbing one of Loki’s suitcases. “I’ll take one of these, and you can follow me to my house. I’ll see you tomorrow, Lisette!”

Lisette hummed, presumably doubtful, but nodded and followed Eira and Loki out the front door of Pippin & Puddleglum before going left down the sidewalk. Eira went right instead, walking rather quickly for a plump woman, nodding in greeting to every person she passed.

Loki received some strange glances from the same people who smiled at Eira, but he chose to ignore them. No use in getting upset over that when he did, in fact, deserve much worse. He did a fair bit of shivering also; he had not realized up until now - possibly from mere nerves - how cold it really was outside.

The walk from Pippin & Puddleglum was either not that far or else took less time because of Eira’s brisk strides, but very soon they took a left and were headed up into the hillsides. The

paths here were more dirt than anything, and instead of residential streets the paths just broke off to each home. Eira led him straight until they reached nearly the very end of the winding paths, at which point she turned and went up the walkway to a small red cottage covered with vines and surrounded by dozens of various kinds of white flowers. Instead of walking on dirt up to the porch, Loki found that they were walking on decorative stepping stones.

They reached the front door, which for some inexplicable reason was painted purple, and Eira turned a key in the lock. When it clicked, she looked over her shoulder at Loki and said cheerily, “Welcome to Redwall, Mr. Laurence.”

#fanfic #fanfiction #my writing #write #writer #writing #loki x oc #loki (marvel)#loki fanfic #loki laufeyson #loki #eira

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yesterdanereviews · 3 years

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Ancient Relic (2002)

Film review #472

Director: Sebastian Niemann

SYNOPSIS: At an archaeological dig site in Israel, archaeology student Steffan Vogt stumbles upon an unbelievable discovery: a 2000 year old skeleton that has a metal implant, and the instruction manual for a video camera that has not been commercially released yet. Alongside it, a note detailing the existence of a video recording made of Jesus Christ when he was crucified. While most of the crew believe it to be some form of hoax, Steffan believes that the only possible explanation is a time traveller that went back into the past to film the momentous occasion. When a secret order starts to take control of the dig and silence anyone that knows about this discovery, Steffan teams up with Sharon and Joshua, who were also at the dig site, to uncover the truth about what is happening, before they too are silenced...

THOUGHTS/ANALYSIS: Ancient Relic (Also known as The Hunt for the Hidden Relic, or The Jesus Video) is a German 2002 TV movie based on the novel by Andreas Eschbach. The opening of the film shows an archaeological dig site in Israel, where one of the students at the site, Sebastian Vogt, accidentally stumbles upon a burial site that's full of mystery: a 200-year old skeleton that has signs of being form the present, such as a metal splint on his legbone, and the instruction manual for a video camera. Most of the archaeologists believe it is some form of hoax, but Steffan believes that the only possible explanation is that it is the work of some time traveller. A handwritten note accompanying the skeleton suggests that they actually videotaped the crucifixion of Jesus, which would be irrefutable proof of his existence. When Steffan tries to investigate further, he is shut out by a mysterious group who arrive and take control of the discovery. Steffan tries to sneak in and get more information, but starts to be hunted by this group as apparently he now knows too much. Steffan goes to fellow archaeologists Sharon and her fiancée Joshua, and the three attempt to unravel the mystery and find the video camera before they are killed. The plot is pretty typical conspiracy, ancient order, religious stuff; with secret groups trying to get a hold of the supposed video recording of Jesus as it would apparently be a weapon of such power, that if it disproved the existence of Jesus, western civilisation would simply collapse. I think that's a bit of an overstatement, as I'm sure people that didn't want to believe evidence that doesn't fit their worldview can just call it a hoax and move on. Most of the elements of the story are left pretty vague, including these ancient orders and what they actually do. It's probably something that's more fleshed out in the book, but instead this film just opts for constant chase scenes and stalking that never really goes anywhere, and never arrives at the interesting bits, such as actually seeing the content of this recording, which is saved until the very end, and reveals a "surprise" twist that is entirely predictable, and just leaves open more questions that it answers.

The characters are all pretty uninteresting. Steffan just a young, well-built lead that can do all the action sequences and take a lot of cuts and bruises. His opening trait that he is an atheist doesn't really play much of a part in the story, although obviously as the whole "Jesus video" thing starts emerging, he starts to question his atheism in a very predictable fashion. The love triangle between Sharon (the only female character), her fiancée Joshua, and Steffan is entirely without note, and again very predictable. The villains are basically henchmen of this secret organisation, and are never given any character development, or motivation, because we never get a clear sense about the purpose of this organisation.

As mentioned, we don't see the contents of the video recording until the very end, and as a pay-off it doesn't really deliver something satisfying that required nearly three hours of build up. The aspect of time travel is barely explored, and only explained through exposition and recordings that have no direct effect on what's happening on-screen. The whole idea of a camcorder recording Jesus also seems a bit unbelievable, particularly it's being able to work two thousand years later. The most notable aspect of the production is the English dubbing, given that this was originally a German production: The dubbing is terrible, and none of the voices have any real emotion or direction, which is constantly distracting from any drama on screen. Overall, Ancient Relic has an interesting story and fits into that genre that the Da Vinci Code really popularised. It is however, not a great example of the genre: the organisations and conspiracies are intangible and don't really connect to anything specific, the mystery is very generic, and the pay-off isn't worth it. I'm sure the novel is a lot more interesting than this poor adaptation, and I would suggest checking it out if you like these sorts of stories, because this film adaptation won't satisfy.

#movie #movie review #ancient relic #sci-fi #tv movie #film #film review #time travel

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kingsofchaos · 7 years

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What do you think it would be like of the fakes got arrested (probably at different times cause they are better than that) and got psych evaluations. The police would probably get even more of an realization that they are freakin monsters. (If you could somehow maybe put freewood in that would make me very happy, but you don't have to if you don't want) ALSO I LOVE YOUR BLOG!!!!

THANKS FRIEND! That makes me feel way worse for what i’m about to do but apologies i’m not super comfortable playing around with psychological evaluations, sorry to disappoint! In lieu i offer you a bit of a more generic, though infinitely more melodramatic, insight into that one time the cops got their hands on Ryan and Gavin then instantly wished they hadn’t.

To get the Vagabond and Free in custody, to not only pin them down but catch them without killing them in the process, is more or less a goddamn miracle and everybody knew it. There’s a weird energy amongst the LSPD officers, half smug pride at the triumph, half quiet terror at what comes next.The entire journey back to the station is fraught with tension, the completely legitimate fear that the Fake AH Crew may come for their own keeping everyone on high alert. It doesn’t help that despite the fact that there’s no way it could be possible Free and the Vagabond are acting like getting arrested was their intention, like everything is going according to plan. As relaxed as two handcuffed men surrounded by armed officers can possibly be they’ve ignored all demands to shut their mouths in favour of critiquing how well they think everything has been going so far.Ryan asks for the time any chance he gets, responding to each update with a pleased grin so unsettling that officers begin to refuse to answer. In response Ryan has taken to humming a quiet tick tock tick tock tick tock under his breath while he stares them down.The less said about the transfer between van and station the better. Six officers swarm around the Vagabond while only one moves to escort Free, a choice that leaves Ryan shaking his head in utter disbelief and Gavin smirking away like the cat who caught the canary. He leers all over his increasingly uncomfortable guard while Ryan is yanked roughly to his feet and pushed out of the van, followed moments later by a grunt and a scream as Ryan is tazed without provocation and Gavin’s new friend loses a chunk of his arm to that sharp grin. It’s a traumatising experience across the board.By the time Ryan’s head clears they’ve already dragged him into the station, frogmarching him towards an intake room, with Gavin somewhere behind him making lewd comments about the muzzle he’s apparently been threatened with. Shifting to take his own weight has all the officers around Ryan stiffening, but all he does is ask for the time, chortling to himself at the way it makes them flinch.The weapons pat-down is rough. Even the cops know Gavin’s not really in the hands-on half of the crew, aren’t expecting much more than maybe a knife or two, certainly aren’t expecting the arsenal they uncover. Gavin has knives in his pant pockets and shirt pockets and jacket pockets, he has knives in his belt, tucked into his shoe, sewn into linings. There’s so many knives the officers quickly roll from smug superiority into increasing alarm; it borders on comical, on intentional, and Free’s careless grin only grows. Ryan though, god. On Ryan they find nothing, not a gun, not a knife, not even wire or nail-file; absolutely nothing. It should be a relief but it isn’t, how can it be when there’s no way the Vagabond is actually unarmed? When history has taught them that they surely must have missed something. Ryan bears the increasingly frustrated search with exaggerated compliancy, lips twitching in amusement as Gavin sniggers beside him, the mercenary entirely unresisting yet still exuding an insufferable degree of cheerful insolence.When one man tries to get a rise out of him by sneering out some less than savoury comments about Gavin and his prison prospects the whole room holds its breath, bracing for a sudden act of unstoppable violence, but it doesn’t come. Instead, after a long tense moment of Ryan staring the man directly in the eye, it’s Gavin who breaks the silence, shaking his head and looking far too pleased as he shrugs and sends chills down spines with a cavalier ‘Well that was rude. I do hope your affairs are in order, this one’s really rather overprotective.’ The extended weapons frisk is declared over rather quickly after that.The pair are placed in cells on opposite ends of the station’s holding bay; with walls and doors between them there is absolutely no way legible sound could possible travel between the two. To the disturbed awe of an increasing crowd of officers watching and listening over the cctv the pair proceeded to have a complete conversation at normal talking volume anyway; speaking and responding as though they can hear one another, with appropriate pauses and logical replies, never acknowledging that anything is out of the ordinary. It’s alarming enough that they are frisked again on their way to separate interrogation rooms but no hidden transmitters are found and no one has any idea how on earth they were doing it.You don’t go into an interrogation room armed, that’s just police policy 101, but particular precautions are certainly made for members of the FAHC. Ryan is just about as chained as he could be, handcuffs locked to the table, leg cuffs chained to the floor, and still, as long as there are detectives in the room with him two heavily armed guards will wait just outside the door for the first sign of trouble. On the flipside Gavin, whose teeth are still stained red, bears only handcuffs and a delighted grin. There are no armed guards, the detectives have no fear about leaning into his space, but after the first few are left shell-shocked with their personal secrets dragged into the light there is a serious discussion about getting the LSPD’s in-house psychologist on standby.For the first half of Ryan’s interrogation he says nothing at all. The detectives, all over the moon about finally nabbing the Vagabond, all desperate to show they’re the one who can crack him, throw just about every interrogation trick in the book at him and Ryan just watches on calm as you please, only moving to look up at the clock on the wall. When at last he does open his mouth the relief is short-lived; carefully meandering around confessions Ryan talks in hypotheticals and television plotlines, discussing supposedly fictional violence in such vivid detail his interviewers start looking a little green. It’s quite a talent, to balance technical innocence with an undercurrent of undeniably remorseless responsibility, all while casually discussing the fascinating sounds humans make when they are pulled apart. In another room Gavin slouches in his metal chair like it’s a throne, like the worst kind of entitled, like the grown-up version of the trust-fund baby sneering at the principle’s threat of discipline, utterly untouchable and he knows it. All grinning swagger Gavin asks the detectives if they’ve thought this through, if they know what they’re doing, how they think it’s going to end. He asks if they haven’t heard all those terrible rumours people have spread about his family, shares a few of his favourites, the darkest and most deplorable things people have said about the Vagabond. Isn’t it funny? Could you even imagine if the stories were true? If that was the kind of man you’d captured? Can you picture what he would do to you when he got free? And that’s saying nothing of Ramsey, have you heard what they say he’s done for his family? What he’d do for his son? Chilling stuff that, terrifying. Especially for someone like you, with kids at home. Someone who’d just gotten married, who has reliant parents, who’s sister’s about to have that baby. Wouldn’t it be awful huh? Aren’t you glad they’re only stories.It’s late by the time the detectives give up for the night, but there is an undeniable sense of relief in locking those two away again, in washing hands of those horrors for a couple of hours, going home to hug loved ones close and stave off technicolour nightmares. To kick things off at midnight is appallingly cliché, but things kick off a midnight. The station is never empty, particularly not when it’s housing criminals this high profile, but at midnight everything goes quiet. Still. Just long enough for every officer’s well-honed instincts to start blaring in alarm. And then the screaming starts.When the bigwigs try to piece it all together later even frantic reviews of security footage won’t reveal what happened. They see Gavin’s cell suddenly go dark, and when the light returns he’s gone. Changing angles there’s a flash of him wandering down the hall, utterly unhurried and blowing a winking kiss at the camera before it flickers out. When they find him again it’s on the camera outside the Vagabond’s cell, leaning through the bars and chattering away to the Mercenary looming on the other side as calmly as you please, like they’re playing instead of launching an escape.Free’s in no rush, waiting for his crew-mate to grab his collar and yank him into the bars before he laughs and shakes his way free, finally trotting over to unlock the door, unleashing the Vagabond into the hall. As Gavin turns to answer the phone he shouldn’t have the Vagabond looks up, directly at the lens, shaking his head as he points to an imaginary watch before flipping off the camera just before it, too, goes dark.From there the LSPD have only witness accounts to work with, tales from those who survived and those who came in after; the ones who saw the cavalcade of big black cars pulling up in front of the station just before everything went to hell, who didn’t have the chance to raise the alarm before the FAHC were raining bullets down on them. Those who had to clean blood from linoleum, tape up shattered windows, carry bodies to the morgue. Those who can no long bear the sound of clocks ticking, who swear they can still hear the echoes of that monstrous laughter. The ones who witnessed death slinking through the station in a leather jacket and designer jeans, who observed the birth of Los Santos’ newest horrifying rumour firsthand.

#FAHC #I'm really sorry #i know i have really bizarre undefined discomfort zones #100% know this ask is all in good criminal fun #but i'd hate to unintentionally make someone feel shitty #plus police evals are already shady as fuck tbh #(heyo law degree)#Sorry i didn't even really manage to swing freewood for you #hopefully some part of this farce tickled your fancy anyway #Anonymous #Ask #Loaded Guns and Sharp Teeth #There is No Order in This Lawless Town #Chaos Reigns

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