#taemin is playful with a lot of idols

[userjiminie]

patiently waiting for your reaction 👉👈

my honest to god reaction

[multifandom-re-write-01]

Relationship with SuperM

Taemin sees her as a little sister - he sees her as like, a distant sister because the other SHINee members kind of raised her on the side as well lol. He likes being around her because he finds her cold outer appearance interesting and amusing for him (one of the few who were not scared of her at first)

They got closer once the announcement of SuperM was released to them, they now had an opportunity to really hang out and get to know each other

They bond over the other SHINee members first before they venture out and talk about other random stuff

Now, they really do see each other as siblings, teasing each other all the time - he especially loves teasing her that he is the older one out of the two

They also bond over dancing

She's not super good like him, of course, but she is pretty good at dancing for someone who only started dancing when they became a trainee - Taemin and her spend time dancing together, and he helps her to improve further

Sometimes they will release a surprise video of the two dancing together, just to create chaos with their fans

Nari was the female voice featured in Taemin's song 'Idea'

He found her intriguing when she was a trainee - she wasn't bright and bubbly like other female trainees, but was calm and collected, not showing much expression

It made him want to crack that mask and make her laugh or express another emotion

He couldn't do it that much back then, her walls were pretty up and strong, but after she debuted and they were put together for SuperM, he was on a mission

Slipped through her walls through his comedy acts, making her laugh a lot with the others

But he definitely got her when he took the role of leader in SuperM and looked after them all; she grew to lean on him and trust him

After some bonding time, they became siblings with him being the annoying older brother to her, and her becoming the little sister to him that he just wants to tease and coddle at the same time

He is immune to her cold and intimidating appearance. He looks at her and just thinks, "I'm gonna annoy her until she tries to end my life."

Apart from the constant teasing, they really perform well together, and he loves singing with her - her alto voice blends well with his singing, and they love to have high note singing competitions lololol

He found her scary...

But thanks to Baekhyun, he realised that she wasn't scary and was a nice person

He loooovvess to tease her - especially when it comes to their age; he likes to remind her that he is older than her by a year (I don't know why he does that, he just finds it amusing)

Nari is ready to throw hands when he continues teasing her - he's like an annoying older brother for her, always teasing her and bothering her

Kai loves seeing her reaction whenever he bothers her - but he's ready to run when it looks like Nari wants to commit a crime and is staring directly at him

Outside of teasing, Nari admires his performance energy and always asks him on how she can improve, so he will put away the playfulness and help her sincerely

He wants to help her in performance/idol life and also help her relax, because he can see the amount of pressure that is put on her as the only female member in NCT, and being in so many groups it's concerning

He feels like she doesn't have time to destress from the responsibilities and pressures she has on her, so he wants to help her and protect her as much as he can (and annoy her on the side). He's ready to defend her against the haters as much as he can, and just be the older brother he can be for her since she's mainly used to looking after younger members and not being taken care of.

Masterlist

NCT 127 // NCT Dream // SungTaro // WayV // SuperM // Other Male Idols

[dojae-huh]

I kind of disagree with u, it's not just them bickering but also how they handle situations that are unplanned. Haechan reacts and acts better in situations where he has no idea what was happening. As for hyuck being  lose to dreamies, I can tell u that he's close to both jisung and change who are being abused in the fandom for making fun of hyuck being tan, they're friends and they know what is ok. These three are usually together at chenles house and are close enough to spend time together.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Fnllum1xFGk&ab_channel=qzhcl

In the hyungline in dreamies, I seriously believe hyuck is closer to jeno now then he is to mark. Maybe it's my opinion but look at jeno with hyuck, hes more accepting and also more playful with him. Mark not letting huuck call him mark is an issue still, I agree with u that hyuvk hates not ring allowed to not call Mark hyucg as he's allowed the other 2000 line to. Sometimes we all forget that we need to give a lot of ourselves in friendships too, and it seems like mark doesn't have the time and hyuck has found hyungs in 127 how treat him like one of them

Haechan and jisung are sibling like, he makes jisung work for him like doyoung does with him. Chenle is close to jisung so he comes along to everything, and haechan feels comfortable enough to stay at his house and play with his dog while chenle isn't there. Hyuckil is very much I believe for the camera, they're not as close as they act on screen, yuta and haechan understand eachother but aren't close the same with jungwoo and haechan. p.S. if haechan had issues with being tanner then the rest he would have done what kai and taemin did an got injections to make themselves less tanned. so i dont get why fans have to argue abt friends making fun of eo

Thank you for the overview on Dreamies.

We evidently have different definition for "mature".

Doyoung not being able to work quickly when he is taken by surprise is a side effect of his psychotype. It doesn't happen all the time, by the way, only when feelings take over (Jaehyun interrupting Do's IG live). He is a great MC and a variety host exactly because he can read the situation, think on the go and improvise. Remember Hyuk in the presence of his idol Taemin, the boy also was lost.

As for Tae. He has many childish tendencies, he wants to be a child, but when the time calls he takes on the leader's responsibilities. One of the good examples was when Jaehyun was attacked in the chat by knets, and Doyoung had troubles collecting himself and MCing. Taeyong was the one to help to move the live, safe the situation.

One thing I can agree on is Hyuk being more mature at his current age than Doyoung was at that age. As well as Haechan not letting his age hinder him. Doyoung doesn't think that he is old enough to "make it his way", he indoctrinated the Korean age hierarchial system. He is 26 but appeals to the older men as a maknae. Haechan doesn't care about it, so he is able to "want" things right here right now (like song producing) and insist to stand on the same footing as his hyungs, playnig the maknae card when it suits him, but not living up to it.

However, when it comes to responsibility, future planning, allocating time to thing that progress his career (like learning Japanese), reigning in his own emotions for the sake of work and others - Doyoung is very mature. I think we are so used to the current ever-patient and obliging Doyoung, that many tend to forget at what cost he does all of it. He is a very reactive and sassy person, used to overpowering others with words, but he leaves it for Gongmyung.

For me "being mature" is the ability to play the role of The adult when it's needed, take responsibility and not blame the circumstances or others. A person can be as childish and as playful when there is freedom to do so. And, of course, everyone have their weak points. With Do it's his proclivity to taking offence and keeping grudges.

About Haechan's darker skin. You know well fans tend to pick at anything, they want a reason to be overprotective. Doyoung also jokes about Hyuk's skin, but Hyuk understands it's a joke because the same Doyoung also praises his skin a lot. I'd assume it's the same with Jisung and Chenle.

It's not like Mark doesn't have the time at all. He does have time for Jungwoo afterall. I remember in 2018 Hyuk was talking about watching movies together with Mark, but nowadays it's hard to see MarkHyuk spending time in waiting rooms together. Mark seemingly just finds Woo more compatible, someone he doesn't need to fight with, who finds his humour funny, and such. When neos are asked about 1 vs 5 Haechans, all of them reply "5 y.o.". Hyuk is too much, even with hyungs he goes from one to another (Do->Taeil->Jae). Mark is a maknae but wants to be a hyung, his habit of calling everyone "cute" and constantly "petting" others is one of the signs. He would be that "I'm the head of the house" husband (with a sly manipulative wife that turns the head? haha).

I don't think HyukIl is for the camera, they do go out to eat together, created a song, work well as co-MCs, Taeil says only positive things about Hyuk in interviews. Taeil doesn't get too close to anyone in 127, however. He is there to be a nice hyung, but he doesn't invest emotionally. And you said it yourself, Hyuk wants lots of love. Not to be taken in a wrong way, but Taeil is a bit self-centered, he is a chill person, but what he wants matters most. He'd rather learn to play (his new hobby) pool than go with others to walk streets in America. He'd also cook the same kind of meat as long as he wants, not paying attention to "let's try something else, hyung" demands from Woo. He isn't a care-taker, neos even joke about him as a leader and as a fake maknae.

Doyoung, on the other hand, gives in to Hyuk even when he is annoyed or distracted with something else.

[sugar-petals]

Hi caro💜 how would u rank body types based on how old/young they look if they were the same age? Thanks a lot

RANKING PERCEIVED AGE: KIBBE BODY TYPING

pure yang essence (Dramatic) or yin/yang blend (Natural, Classic) = may appear older than they are

...aka responsible domestic hyung vibes

pure yin essence (Romantic) or yin/yang contrast (Gamine) = could appear younger than they are

...aka cutest bunch ever vibes

in other words: people with a dramatic or natural undercurrent are estimated more senior than they are, while gamines and romantics can come across as years younger, with gamines the most youthful (see yoongi, he’s a vampire — how is this man turning 30). 

classics tend to be in between/can go either way, leaning towards seeming older, dramatic classic being the most mature. classics’ ages are often guessed correctly: they have few visual extremes in their appearances. 

note how the subtypes can tilt you in either or direction. e.g., yin (soft) natural = looks much younger, see jjk. since jimin, hobi, and tae have yang subtypes, in the right theatrical styling (D/SD below) and expression they’ll look their age or a bit older.

in my personal perception the overall order/sorting goes like this:

(most mature) D - FN - SD - DC - N - C - SN - SC - TR - R - FG - G - SG (most youthful)

to make it easier, i edited the same idea as the broad 5 categories with examples of male idols who are all the same age (27-28) and wear a black suit base here:

the more you go left the more adult the faces and statures get, while going to the right they become softer, smaller, less edgy. although taemin is a theatrical subtype, you can see the sharp drop in perceived age when you glance left to right, and hobi — like all gamines — is seemingly immortal since debut.

in a nutshell, think the internet-breaking pic of mingyu (soft dramatic) towering over woozi (soft gamine), that really sums it up. mingyu could be 40 and woozi 7 but they’re the same (!!) age, both mid-20s, the type difference: staggering.

my other favorite case in point: the fact that xiumin (soft gamine) as the oldest hyung in his 30s looks like a kid next to the youngest in the group aka sehun (dramatic) lol! look at the sharpness (D) vs fullness (R).

since a lot of you are familiar with their types, LET’S COMPARE BTS AS A GROUP:

yoongi (gamine) is 2 years older than RM (flamboyant natural) but could be his junior due to a more delicate yin face/height ain't he the sweetest sugar cube, while joon is tall and chiseled like all yang types are.

jimin (theatrical romantic) and taehyung (dramatic classic) are the same age and yet, jimin with his soft yin build and face appears a bit younger sometimes contrasting tae's broader yang bone stature.

jin (soft dramatic) is not even one year apart from hoseok (flamboyant gamine) but they look like different generations: jin's sharp yang is pronounced, while hobi is more cute-looking and smol.

yoongi (gamine) and jk (soft natural) are five years apart and yoongi is way smaller, but they look approx. the same age despite jk's frame; both their types are very juvenescent/compact.

2 years apart, jimin (theatrical romantic) & hobi (flamboyant gamine) both look younger. by comparison, you can't often pinpoint who's the maknae before a double take, their types are such a mix of yin-yang.

both jin (soft dramatic) and joon (flamboyant natural) have types that fit their hyung roles, are not far apart in age, and equal in mature yang impression. jin's yin can make him look a tad younger.

even though koo (soft natural) might be the youngest, in certain stylings you'll feel like hobi (flamboyant gamine) is the playful teenage maknae. being a gamine is crazy, you can seem a decade younger.

despite their close ages, jin (soft dramatic) always seems like he brought along his youngest son with yoongi (gamine) next to him lmao! gamines are just so tiny-looking, and dramatics so tall.

[jonghyunar]

i hope you know that you'll never be forgotten and how much you were, are, and will continue to be loved, jonghyun. your smile, laugh, voice, and bright personality never fail to warm my heart, even on the darkest of days. i know you're smiling down on all of us today and even if you're not physically with us, i know we'll never truly be without you. thank you for continuing to inspire me everyday and for spreading love, positivity, and happiness, even from up above.

you did so well, kim jonghyun.

this year has been... tough, to say the least. on top of the mental stress of the pandemic, US election, and personal issues that have come up throughout the past few months, it's been a whirlwind of emotions for me personally. as a shawol though, there have been three beacons of happiness at the very least shining and lighting up the end of this year: the return of jinki, kibum, and minho, and that leading to the reunion of our boys.

i can't put into words how happy i've been to see their interactions, their smiles, their laughter, their cringiness... i think the sentiment minho expressed when jinki made a classic pun / dad joke-esque statement during their first instagram live together summed up a lot of what we were feeling: how much we've missed not only jinki's gags, but just their interactions and them being together. minkey's bickering, their questioning of taemin's everything, and their loving acceptance of onew's sangtae (condition) no matter what he does. the four of them together has given me something to look forward to every morning, to see a new interaction or video or just any sort of news... but at the same time, for me, there's something missing, and that gap is apparent no matter how happy i am to see them all together.

i don't like lingering on your absence, but i can't help but wonder what things would be like if you were still here. would minkey still have enlisted along with jinki? would you have gone with him instead? would there have been more subunits of shinee if you had stayed? how would you have continued to inspire all the younger idols with your music? your love of performing? what would your legacy have grown to be if you were still with us?

three years later and my heart still hurts. of course i put this off to less than 12 hours before i'm supposed to post it, but when gathering these gifs, i found myself watching more ot5 content and missing how you made everyone laugh with your bright, playful personality. your saltiness when anyone brought up your height, your talkative energy whenever you got excited, your hilarious acting on snl... i miss so much about you, jonghyun. and when i got to 2017 and i saw clips of people talking about you, leeteuk's speech in particular when he mentioned shinee in an award acceptance speech... of course it broke me. the feelings of you being gone returning once again made that gap all the more apparent. the reunion that jinki, kibum, minho, and taemin all had earlier this year... i wish it had included you too.

i know you're with the boys no matter what. even when you're not there, you are in spirit; i'm sure that the four of them wouldn't be able to get rid of you that easily anyway, but i guess it just makes me sad that you're not visibly or physically present. you would've turned 30 this year, you would've made so many people's lives all the more brighter by just existing, but of course i know that it is selfish of me to think this way. today, i want to focus on remembering you for what you've done and what you continue to do with your legacy, not what you could've done if you were still here.

regardless of the sadness that comes with this day, i hope you know that you continue to make me and a lot of other people happy. i still listen to your music, i still smile whenever i see a picture or video of you, and i still miss you, jonghyun; i hope you're doing well, wherever you are, and that you know that you're still so loved. thank you for everything.

[yeolmae-s]

a chanbaek analysis from a veteran exo-l

before anything else there are a few disclaimers i'd like to make:

i am writing this analysis right now because as a non exo stan i'm not into chanbaek that much anymore. of course i like them to some degree since i'm writing this and all but it's nothing in comparison to the way i felt about them two years ago. so i feel like it's easier to keep a less clouded (?) state of mind being where i'm at right now, mentally, in regards to them. i feel like i can look at things more objectively, which is why i decided to write this and share it with you all.

for all the smart asses out there, this is a ship analysis. yes, i’m reading too much into everything. that’s what an analysis is.

all translation credits goes to @/fyeah-chanyeol

i'm a chanyeol stan. this analysis will, most likely, have more information about him in comparison to baekhyun. this is simply because i consumed more content about him since he's my bias (such as magazine interviews, fancams).

i don't stan exo anymore, but it's not because of anything they did. i liked them for a long time and made a lot of different friends because of this fandom, therefore i experienced a lot of hurt, scandals, fights and didn't deal very well with many things, so i decided to leave. this didn't happen because of exo themselves and neither did it happen because of the fandom itself. it happened because of the relationships i had.

that being said, i haven't been following them closely for the past year and a half, but i still keep up with stuff a bit, although not chanbaek related stuff since i gotta dive in kinda deeper for that lmao. so this analysis is mostly in depth for 2012-2018. if anything that you perceive as significant happened after 2018 i'm more than willing to hear your opinions about it.

so, let's get started!!

MAMA ERA

I have always felt like Chanyeol and Baekhyun's relationship was strange. I started shipping them when they debuted and more specifically because of the 130128 ISAC. When I was younger I didn't see a lot to discuss in their ISAC interactions besides it being cute and shippy, but I've started to look at it differently now.

I think everyone knows how ISAC is known for being basically a stage for fanservice. The whole "dating ground for idols" issue aside, judging from the amount of attention they direct towards the fans who manage to attend the event, idols are clearly instructed to perform fanservice. EXO's first ISAC had to be full of it, obviously, and they did give fans a lot to be happy about, content we still get giddy about to this day, and I'm sure they were instructed to act like this to please us. I don't believe that fanservice equals "false interactions": if two individuals are talking, touching each other, they are interacting, even if it is a carefully planned setting made specifically for pleasing fans. They still get reactions out of one another through these interactions, it is still relevant to the way these people's relationship will develop; even though these acts are done with the intent of pleasing a crowd.

Don't get me wrong, though. I don't think the 2013 ISAC fanservice changed anything in Chanbaek's relationship. In fact, I just want to use it as a way to illustrate something I will explain later on.

To be remembered in an industry you must have an image. You won't be getting anywhere without a carefully constructed visual image. Marilyn Monroe is always used as an example of this: she's someone you can easily make a costume of and people will instantly recognize it as her. She's basically a concept by now: blonde hair, red lips and white hair. These aspects take our mind back to her instantly. Of course, most celebrities don't achieve this type of icon status, but it is still important to cling to a specific concept/image of what you want your celebrity self to be perceived as. Without this, you'll be forgotten as soon as your career ends.

When Chanyeol debuted, he clung to the first trait they gave him: being a happy person, a.k.a "happy virus". If you were not an EXO fan back in 2013 then it's likely you're not even aware of this nickname that was given to him, but it's basically just what it sounds like (lol). He was bright, energetic, had a "teeth rich" smile (another nickname that was given to him back then), was able to give 10/10 laughter reactions to MCs and to his members jokes, was always enthusiastic to interact and smile towards fans. He even introduced himself as "happy virus Chanyeol" in interviews (and later on that changed to "EXO's voice Chanyeol" or "EXO's rapper Chanyeol").

I feel like Chanyeol was very much aware of this "must have" that I mentioned, this need to have an image pasted into yourself and have that image be what people will remember you as. We're all complex and multifaceted individuals, but the general public needs something simple to grab on to, something easy to remember. That happy guy from EXO? I know who he is! I'm sure this is the path Chanyeol chose, back when he debuted: to pick a trait given to you by the public and make it a huge part of your image.

However, that image of him didn't last very long. It certainly became tiring to worry so much about how he was being perceived, to carefully construct something so his career would last, specially when his group had so many scandals and went through a sudden burst of popularity that changed their lives completely. By 2017, Chanyeol already had a change of mind in relation to his career, these changes being mostly due to how he felt about music and what he wanted to do with it.

He recognized himself as having always being impatient, which might be the reason why he clung to a specific image so fast right after debuting:

From Fall Magazine in 2017

"At the moment I just want to enjoy myself with the music as it comes, without feeling as though I have to do something. It isn’t a greed from impatience, I could call it more of a greed to do better."

"When I first debuted I thought I was very optimistic, but as time has passed I think a more reserved side of me is showing."

"I think I've grown in many ways. Maybe it’s because it’s as though I perform everyday, but the stage has become comfortable for me. Shall we say I’ve become more calm and composed? [...] I think I’ve become more mature."

He matured. He's still bright and energetic but he's also more reserved. He managed to keep up the fanservice that his fans adore in a way that is more fitting to his actual personality. It still is an image, but an image that's not as exhausting as his previous one, with its strict demands to act in a certain way all the time. I remember specific interview with MCs demanding him to smile (although jokingly, of course) saying things like "Aren't you EXO's happy virus?", so I'm sure he felt pressured.

This is interesting to think about when put side by side with his relationship with Baekhyun. Back when they debuted, Chanyeol and Baekhyun were close friends that clearly felt comfortable with each other, and it isn't surprising to think that Baekhyun would be Chanyeol's first pick when he thought about doing fanservice with someone. Of course, I can't exactly pinpoint their first fanservice moment since I'm not a walking EXO encyclopedia anymore, but I can say with certainty that both of them felt like it worked as soon as they first tried it with the fans, and that's the reason why they kept doing it. Conveniently, they were both good friends, so all was good.

Until well, it wasn't.

At some point, Chanyeol's interactions with Baekhyun seemed too eager for Baekhyun himself. There are various moments where this is visible, such as this one:

Why are you grabbing my wrist out of nowhere young man........

Or...

That one pic where Jongdae, who was in front of them, looked so damn uncomfortable I can't even bring myself to google it

Of course, they had some over the top fanservice that did work out pretty well, such as this one, both of them imitating Jonghyun's and Taemin's Internet War stage, which seems a little scripted now that I look at it properly, with Baekhyun seemingly expecting Chanyeol to do whatever it is that he did on that day. (Can you imagine this: both of them backstage, watching Jonghyun's and Taemin's performance in silence, and one of them just blurts out "We should do that too!". What the fuck was going on)

By the way, if you have never seen the original Internet War performance, you can watch it here.

This is what they were imitating.

Tumblr won’t let me upload the gifs for this moment for some reason, so here and here.

You can't tell me Baekhyun wasn't expecting it already, lol.

Now, know what this moment reminds me of? ISAC. On their Internet War imitation moment, Baekhyun seemed fine, playful, even, agreeing. During ISAC, however, doing basically the same thing again (this time on a lighter way even; since they weren't, you know. Imitating a strong performance such as Internet War.), he appears reluctant. It's a bit painful to watch.

What changed? The ISAC event happened a few months after the SMTOWN concert where they did the Internet War thing, so what made things become so different?

If this has enough likes I’ll make a second part!

[junicai]

Relationship with SuperM

➣ BAEKHYUN ☾ baekaria

before being thrown into a supergroup together, aria and baekhyun hadn’t really spoken 

they’d seen each other around the building, and aria was an avid supporter of exo so of course she knew who he was but she wasn’t expecting him to know who she was 

so when aria walked into the practice room and was greeted by baekhyun waving her over and calling her name

sue her if she was a little stunned 

their relationship was a little stilted at the beginning

between the age gap, and baekhyun not having a girl member in a group before, it took a few weeks for the two of them to figure out their dynamic and where they fit around each other 

eventually though

they settled into a pretty comfortable situation

baekhyun tries to put her at ease as much as possible 

there is 8 years in the difference, but you’d swear that its less than half 

although he’s playful and generous with the teasing like he is to other members 

he’s careful to avoid certain topics when it comes to aria, just out of respect for her and not wanting to make her feel uncomfortable

this came to fruition after kai unknowingly made a small comment on how aria “must have been hungry”, considering how fast she was eating

baekhyun knew he didn’t mean anything by it, but he watched aria slowly put down her chopsticks and reach for the bottle of water beside her instead

he didn’t see her eat for the rest of the evening

did kai get in trouble? no but he did get hit lightly over the head

when aria does something cool - like a spin or a trick - baekhyun is the first to say “that’s my child. i raised her, look how well i taught her” 

ten: “heY-”

tldr: although they’re not the closest, aria’s slowly grown more comfortable around him, and he’s looking out for her all the time 

FAN FAVOURITE MOMENT.

200829 Knowing Brothers: when baekhyun brought up the members of superm all showering together to get closer quickly, heechul quickly pounced on aria - the girl slowly moving to put her head in her hands. 

“and where was aria during all of this? don’t tell me you brought her to?”

baekhyun: “well of course we did-” 

aria: “NO I STAYED OUTSIDE HE’S A LIAR DON’T LISTEN TO HIM!”

*cue baekhyun laughing his ass off*

➣ TAEMIN ☾ arimin

aria thought she was going to die

there was absolutely no plausible reason that she should be in a group with The Taemin

he was highkey the reason why she had even accepted her position in sm at the very beginning of her training

this man convinced a fifteen year old to give up the sport she’d been doing her entire life 

his impact  (*¯ ³¯*)♡

please stand by while aria tosses herself off a bridge

she was So Formal at the beginning

he honestly was the member she took the longest time to warm up to - because she had idolized him for so long

will still refer to him as taemin-ssi occasionally, but now its less a formality and more of a tease

this boy was shook when he found out how young aria was - mark and lucas he can deal with because at least they’re 1999, but aria....

“2000??? 2000?” 

he said :O

despite their rocky start, they’re quite comfortable around each other, especially after spending a few nights rooming together over the tour

does aria still look for his validation in a lot of her work? yes, but she’s more open about asking for it now then she would have been 

taemin definitely doesn’t have a favourite kid and it’s definitely not aria no why would you think that

aria really out here collecting parents like pokémon 

gotta catch em all~

he looks out for her a lot during their schedules, mainly because he knows what its like to be the youngest in a group and how it can feel a little like you don’t really have a place there

so he always makes sure to include her where possible 

FAN FAVOURITE MOMENT.

sitting in a circle in a waiting room while mark toy-ed around with the guitar in his lap, aria sat curled in the corner, humming lightly to herself as taemin sang softly along with mark playing “view”.

quietly, she began to sing soft backing harmonies along with taemin, her eyes still attached to her phone in her hands.

when she felt the device being tugged out of her hands and her being pulled upright by another hand on her arm, she looked up to see taemin smiling brightly, still singing 

cue the impromptu concert of a lifetime: with god tier vocals

➣ KAI ☾ kairia

so, they met

and kai just kinda went: mine.

and that was that really 

its like a puppy refusing to give up its favourite chew toy 

“nooo but its my turn to room with aria :(”

never really did the whole awkward, getting to know each other phase? 

not that aria had any real say in it

but jongin point blank refused to engage in small talk with her

so they ended up spending their nights on the superm tour talking about stuff ranging from why the sky is blue to why aria stopped ice skating

she started crying and he did not handle it well, bless him

although he’s super chill and fun to be around

he’s also the only non-nct member that seriously scolds her 

when he found her in a practice room lying on the ground (she was Resting, thank you very much) at three in the morning, he dragged her out without a word and brought her back to her dorms in silence 

aria knew he was mad at her, but she thought it was because he had to borderline carry her four blocks down to the nct dorms 

“no you idiot, im angry because you thought that instead of coming to one of us for help with the bits you’re struggling with, you figured hey. let’s pass out instead.” 

he’s so affectionate with her

you know how lucas and kai have Intense Brothers Energy

well aria has that, little sister vibe that makes kai want to wrap her in a blanket and carry her everywhere

she’d hate that, if he tried that she’d scream (he did try that, this is coming from past experience)

FAN FAVOURITE MOMENT.

kai chucking aria like a cannon ball into the pool during the filming of mtopia when she refused his hugs.

“oppa, oppa no im sorry ill give you all the hugs you want, oppa, JONGIN-OPPA NO NO NO NO -”

*sploosh*

➣ TAEYONG ☾ ariyong

taeyong took one look at aria the first time she showed up for group practice and immediately adopted her (not literally but he would if he could)

eomma meets highly protective brother meets life coach type beat?

so so soft for her its sickening 

says he doesn’t have favourites and will then spend an hour cooking for aria because she’s been in the studio the whole day and he knows she hasn’t eaten yet

when aria was given a duet to do for the sm stages, she had to pick another member to do it with and her first choice was taeyong 

she always has said that taeyong is one of the pillars keeping her upright and sane - without him she wasn’t sure if she would have been able to complete her training 

because of all the schedules they share together, if aria isn’t rooming with mark then she’s definitely rooming with taeyong

whenever she does his makeup (more often than you’d think) she point blank refuses to cover his scar, even when he asks her to do so

“please? i don’t like it.” “*gasp* how dare you.”

sleepy aria! snuggling into taeyong’s shoulder when a schedule ran late!

he gets uncomfy when the stylists put her in too revealing clothes, and has spoken to them on numerous occasions about dressing her in age-appropriate attire, no matter how “sexy” the concept might be

he keeps little bags of sugar-dusted strawberry sweets in his bag incase she forgets to eat and feels faint after the last time (they used to be blueberry flavoured but he heard donghyuck throwing out any and all “blueberry-contaminated” food one evening)

taeyong doesn’t tolerate hate towards aria, especially in person, so he always makes sure to sit down the line from her so that he can see when people skip her intentionally 

FAN FAVOURITE MOMENT. 

taeyong had just been awarded the single bedroom on the last night of the mtopia series, and was staring off into the corner looking rather uncomfortable. aria, who was meant to be rooming with baekhyun, looked over and saw his mouth curled downwards slightly. 

“baekhyun-oppa, is it ok if i room with taeyongie-oppa tonight? i ran out of my tablets, and he has some in his bag..”

baekhyun looked down at her with a small smile and agreed, while the edited captions on the video appeared with the words, “a cute maknae asking to room with a younger member..”

➣ TEN ☾ tenaria

Whipped™

so so gone for her its upsetting actually

yangyang and aria share the position of his baby

except aria willingly accepts the title while yangyang would rather fling himself from a rooftop

ten’s instagram is half his cats, half miyazu aria

he posts her dancing practice on his story a lot, with a variety of captions ranging from “thats my baby  ♡( ◡‿◡ )” to “yah that’s not right…(눈_눈)”

such an enabler for her bad ideas

aria wants to go shopping at 4am? ten agrees, now they’re sitting by han river eating ice cream

pls he’s gonna get her in so much trouble one day

when they walk together, ten likes to take her hand and put it in his pocket

its under the pretense of not wanting her to get lost

he just wants to hold her hand

yes he has lost her in a shopping mall, and NO it wasn’t his fault

ten always complains that they never have schedules together and he misses his baby

“we have superm-” “I NEVER SEE YOUUUU (ﾉಥ益ಥ)ﾉ”

if they’re in the same room ten is either watching her out of the corner of his eye, or is actually wrapped around her like a boa constrictor

hugs n kithes all around

only he is allowed make fun of her mistakes in dancing

anyone else gets deaded. he will fight for her honor how dare you insult his baby

sm give these ttwo a dancing duo video pls

FAN FAVOURITE MOMENT.

the first and only time aria and ten had a duet was during their last concert on superm’s first world tour. during the second half of ten’s solo performance, aria emerged from the left side of the stage, coming to join him in the centre stage. no one had ever seen aria as serious as she was then, both herself and ten becoming completely different people in the moment. midway through, aria spun with her back to ten and leaped backwards into the air - eyes closed - completely trusting ten to be where she needed him to be to catch her.

➣ LUCAS ☾ arihei

besties

please they’re so cute together - tol child next to tini child she barely comes up to his chest :(

bear hugs

he just swamps her in his arms, and when he doesn’t feel like being bent over he picks her up

complains that she’s too heavy but then immediately after will throw her around like a softball

someone tell this man to be careful with her she’s not a barbie doll

singular braincell energy

don’t get it wrong, they’re both super smart

so it’s just - being smort together, but then nearly dying because neither of them remembered that you couldn’t eat raw cookie dough when there are eggs in it

she adores how he’s so confident in the things that he does - like convincing the entire nct fandom that he was fluent in english? king behaviour

so aria looks up to him (literally) but also because she wants to have that confidence some day

lucas says they’re not close and then aria pouts and he takes it all back

nczennies made a 14 minute compilation titled “lucas melting like a popsicle in australia for aria”

and literally what the title tells you, this man goes :(( when he sees her

lucas was actually the person to convince her to go ahead with the [redacted] proposal - and reminded her that it was too good an opportunity to pass up just because she felt like she was outgrowing the boys

he’s so proud of her

and she’s so proud of him

they’re so proud of each other and it makes nczennies want to cry because they never are seen together

sm stop separating the platonic soulmates first markhyuck and now arihei smh

FAN FAVOURITE MOMENT.

during a photoshoot, aria was standing off to the side of the boys, dressed in white suit to contrast the boys’ black ones. the photographer was calling out to her to get her to move closer, but she couldn’t hear him from so far away, and so lucas (who was on the end) just walked over to her, gripped her by the biceps and lifted her vertically and to the left a little bit. 

“luc-LUCAS?”

“you had to move :)”

➣ MARK ☾ mari

½ of the best friend crew

honestly at the beginning, mark and aria weren’t very close, having only really seen each other in passing or with johnny

but after being dropped into training together the two quickly became fast friends, and now they’re borderline inseparable

you thought you knew pain? watch aria’s reaction to mark’s graduation from dream :)

mark’s the reason why aria felt confident enough to pitch some of her lyric ideas to the team, after staying up until 4am to help her make some edits so she was as confident as possible

kinda just, rests his head on her shoulder? and wraps his arms around her waist when he’s tired

mari being confused in foreigner: ???

aria said once in a vlive that she finds mark really comforting to be around - when she feels stressed or worried about something she’ll go to mark’s room and just sit on his bed for a while

aria is so close with his parents - “ahh, how’s my favourite child” “i’m doing great mom.” “no not you, how’s aria?” “wh-hu-MOM?”

you’d swear sometimes mark is younger than her, considering the pout he puts on and how much he whines when they’re not on the same team together for promotions

mark big protecc boi but also little small cuddly boi

they’re so soft for each other ( ╥ω╥ )

in one of the fancams for mark’s solo stage during superm, someone zoomed into aria singing along with him in the wings and dancing to herself with the Proudest Smile™

he’s! so! proud! of! her! constantly! she could be walking and he’d be like “omg get it”

when aria refuses to get up and make herself food (this happens way too often, she just gets into the groove of her work and doesn’t want to move) mark gets her to by threatening to do it himself

consistently caught by czennies just standing behind her and holding her hand in crowded areas - airports, waiting rooms, etc.

FAN FAVOURITE MOMENT.

mark and aria were standing off to one side as the mc explained the rules of the game they were about to be playing. mark looked totally confused, and elbowed aria in her side before looking down and mouthing “what?” to her. aria opened her mouth, before closing it and looking down at the ground, muttering to herself, “결합… 結合….. le chéile…. le… le.. oh oh - combined! we have to put them together, markie.”

and thus, a new confusion meme was born

[struggle-but-its-all-ocean-floor]

I shouldn’t waste my time on this, but to those complaining about Butter winning best dance performance, do you actually know the choreography? A dance doesn’t need to be full of jumps and floor thrusts or whatever. Butter is one of the most unique choreographies BTS have, and despite not being on the same level as ON, Idol, Black Swan, etc., it’s probably one of their best choreos. Butter is a bit minimalist, but so elegant and fresh. It fits the song and the concept of their comeback perfectly, as a dance should, and also highlights the members’ individual charms. It’s playful and creative, and does everything a dance is supposed to do and more. Butter, unlike a lot of bg songs, it’s a bit too slow to have a very powerful choreo, but delivers plenty of energy. Butter is far from undeserving of an award for best performance - I’m obviously not talking about sales here, but the actual dance. 

Of the songs nominated for best male group dance performance, Ready to Love is pretty cool, but kinda standard; Thunderous has some cool bits - Han’s part with the hand (you know what I mean), and the part where Changbin and Hyunjin jump on their members’ backs -  but the more I watch it, the more repetitive and underwhelming it starts to feel, plus the execution is lacking a bit because Stray Kids are strong dancers in general but no one stands out much; Don’t Call Me is the only dance that could beat Butter, but not really... I love Don’t Call Me more than anyone - more than Butter - it’s probably a better song apart from the stupid fucking lyrics SM always gives their groups. The piano part in Don’t Call Me, that part where they dance in a circle, Taemin’s bridge, the ending pose... amazing 10/10. But I literally just watched the Studio Choom performance video and it is not better than Butter, in any way. Apart from Taemin and Key (who probably “overdances” a bit imo), and the parts I just mentioned, Minho’s solo part is awkward as hell, and the performance isn’t, overall, as charming, polished or appealing as Butter. If you watch Don’t Call Me and Butter back to back, you’ll see that while Don’t Call Me is more energetic, as well as “fuller”, the choreography is very heavy handed at times, and executed a bit clumsily without much grace or charisma (especially the pre-chorus and chorus). In Shinee’s defense, it was their first comeback in years. It’s also a very standard bg choreography with a few flashy moves and normal formations. Butter on the other hand...

Butter is done in a way that the members’ shortcomings are hidden and the choreography keeps you on your toes.. The dance flows naturally and never feels either too empty or too much. No one looks awkward or out of place, each moves fits the lyrics and the beat perfectly, BTS look polished and relaxed. In particular, the dance break is beautifully simple but appealing and original - sexy in an obvious yet cheeky way; Jimin’s part when V sings is a bit unnecessary, but so cool, and transitions so well into JK’s “bad”; also, the part after JK’s “bad” is awesome, as is the smooth like butter move after Suga’s rap and the way they ride the beat; the interpretations of looking in the mirror, being a criminal undercover, sidestepping to the beat, and “talk is cheap” are so creative and fun, the spelling of ARMY is so unique too. I don’t know why people insist on this narrative, but Butter is a fucking good choreography. Just because Butter is an English song and the dance is a bit low profile, doesn’t mean it’s not good. Butter isn’t Dynamite or PTD (and PTD’s choreo is also good anyway). You know how fans defend gg choreos by saying it’s not all about powerful moves, synchronization and making things look easy is hard, yada yada yada... well, where’s that same energy when it comes to bg choreos which don’t fit the mold?

PS: I know the 3J choreo is not part of the official Butter choreo, but did you see how good it was? And BTS performed Butter while singing live. I’m pretty sure Don’t Call Me wasn’t performed live with choreo even once.

PPS: ITZY are absolutely better performers than Aespa, but Next Level has a really cool choreography that fits the song perfectly and is well executed. I prefer MITM and Loco but I also love the songs more, plus ITZY often sing live so their performances are more dynamic and they’re better dancers. Next Level is not really unworthy of “best dance” imo. I think ITZY’s performances can look quite messy due to the different skill levels the members have and how tricky some of their moves are, but Aespa always look very polished when performing. A good execution is as important as the dance itself... 

[dubububbles]

SHINee’s reaction when their idol s/o gets their first win/award

(oh oh oh! i’d like to request one on how you’d celebrate or what they’ll do if their idol s/o gets their first win or an award!)

Requested by anon

- hope this is oki! ❤️

Onew: 

When you received your first ever award your sweet and supportive boyfriend would without doubt be very overjoyed and proud. 

Although he couldn’t be there in person he would hear the news directly from you over the phone and not hold back on showering you with love and praising you for all your hard work finally being paid off.

A few days later when you both had a schedule-free night he wouldn’t hesitate to show up at your doorstep with flowers and a variety of your favorite snacks. It made you very happy and you would eat them together as you enjoyed a late night with a movie, some harmless cuddling and maybe even a kiss or two.

Jonghyun: 

When you won at a music show for the very first time Jonghyun wouldn’t be surprised, since he knew the amount of effort and thought that had been put into your most recent comeback. In his opinion, the win was more than well deserved and he couldn’t be happier for you. 

Since he happened to be present at the time of your win he could congratulate you on the spot and did so in a grand manner as he hugged you tightly, praised your hard work and also caught handfuls of confetti to toss at you in a playful manner. 

His excitement was equal to yours and it made you feel immensely grateful and happy, since his support meant everything to you. 

Key: 

At the time of your first music show win your boyfriend was actually the MC and could congratulate you on the spot, which he did without shame even while the cameras were still rolling. 

It definitely made you feel rather shy, especially as he hugged you and wiped the tears off your cheeks with a small smile before closing up the show by once again applauding you for your big achievement. 

While you were both still on stage his actions were on a playful and friendly level. However, once the show was over and you were safe backstage, out of the eyes of anyone else, he would gather you in his arms and congratulate you on a more serious and romantic note. 

Minho: 

Minho would be over the moon when you told him and rushed to meet up with you just so he could trap you in his arms and spin you around as if you were both suddenly caught in a romantic movie scene. 

The fact that he was almost more excited than you made you laugh and you couldn’t begin to thank him enough for his immense and never-ending support. After all, he was practically your biggest fan and always had something in store to celebrate your every accomplishment. 

On this specific occasion you collectively decided on a simple but enjoyable celebration, which included a romantic dinner at your favorite restaurant and then a cozy evening at home in each other’s company. 

Taemin: 

On Taemin’s end he would definitely be very happy and excited for your first big award, since he knew how significant it would be to you, both on a personal and professional level. 

While he would shower you with a lot of praise and sincerely congratulate you he would also be the mischievous boyfriend you knew him as and tease you for sharing tears during your acceptance speech. It made you feel a bit embarrassed but you couldn’t help it. 

The announcement had come unexpectedly and left you puzzled and overjoyed to the point that you didn’t even feel annoyed by his teasing. Instead you simply melted into his embrace as he hugged you backstage and did his best to console you.

[sanstropfremir]

So I just read your post about taemin’s dancing style and how it’s awkward on anyone but him and I’ve always thought that the same applies to Sunmi. They’re both such interesting performers that have created their niches that apply only to them (Taemin’s for his otherworldly posed by a demon style and Sunmi has that playful ironic “I know something you don’t” style. Like in isolation their dances are a bit strange but the second they perform it it’s like magic and it works. So I just wondering if you had any thoughts about Sunmi as a performer.

i agree! i have many thoughts on sunmi as a performer, i think she's fascinating! she and taemin arrive at very similar conclusions, but use ultimately very different methodologies. i think the easiest way to describe this is that taemin cares about dance, and sunmi doesn't. both of their solo careers comment very heavily on the subversion of public perception (sunmi’s even more so that taemin’s), but taemin uses his ability as the vehicle for this comment, but sunmi uses her body. 

we consider the mark of a good dancer to be in total of their body, for obvious reasons. it's difficult to do, human beings function day to day by the power of autonomic nervous system functions, and a lot of musculatory responses can fall under that category. you don't really have to consciously think about how to walk until the ability to is taken from you. taemin very deeply cares about dance, it's intrinsically entwined with how he interacts with the world, and his physical control is a hallmark of his skill and dedication to the craft. the awkwardness in his movements comes not from way he makes the movements, but from the shapes he makes with those movements. he is complying to the qualifications that we set for a ‘good’ dancer, yet the choreographies themselves are full of experimental techniques and he doesn’t rely on the formulaic patterns of established kpop dance.

sunmi, on the other hand, almost exclusively relies on formulaic patterns. the awkwardness in her choreos comes from her refusal to comply to those same standards. she dances like she would rather be doing literally anything else, most of the time. the male gaze in kpop dominates how women are required to look and the way that their physical bodies inhabit space. it is especially expected of female dancers to be fluid and graceful, due to the pervasive misogynistic belief that women are supposed to be graceful in everything they do; it’s uncommon to have the same sort of leeway given to a female idol who is a ‘bad’ dancer (there objectively are no true bad dancers in kpop), than it is to a male idol. sunmi throws this on its head by purposefully not caring, by being ‘bad’ at dance. she does a lot of what we would consider to be either sexy or cute poses (depending on the song), but she refuses to give them power by marking them with transitional fluidity. she knows she's hot, and she knows we think she's hot, and no matter how uncontrolled or ungraceful her movements are, we’re still going to think she's hot. although the static poses that she often makes are seductive, she rarely lets the movements she takes to make those poses come through as seductive, as though this is just a routine she has to get through. and it is. she, like taemin, debuted illegally young and was undoubtedly subjected to a lot of gross shit, so her current body of work is a very clear subversion and reflection of that. taemin’s choreos are made for someone who is an insanely skilled dancer, sunmi’s choreos are made for someone who doesn’t want to dance. it's actually very interesting to watch dance covers of sunmi’s songs, because it's actually very easy to dance them ‘better’ that her, but by dancing them better you rob them of a facet of their power. 

i'm a little obsessed with the collab stage she did with taemin for mama 2019, where she joins him for move in the last chorus, because technically, she’s doing a terrible job of covering move; there’s very little fluidity and synchronicity in her body, and it’s especially obvious next to taemin. but because of who she is, this disregard for the choreography still honours the intention of it. and to come full circle back to the point i made at the conclusion of that post: although women tend to cover move technically better because they (usually) have a more thorough understanding of their own physical objectification, a woman’s terrible cover is the more subversive and the more accurate.

[bangtan-madi]

546 Days Without You — Twelve: Day 440

Pairing — Seokjin x Reader

Tags — boyfriend!Seokjin, older brother!Yoongi, producer/songwriter!MC, military au (ish), idol au (ish)

Genre — fluff, angst

Word Count — 5.3k

Summary — Kim Seokjin is your entire world, and that world falls apart the moment he and your older brother Yoongi are conscripted into the South Korean military.

Part — 12 / 15

Warnings — minor language

A/N — highly recommend listening to "Soldier" by Taemin for this part (here's the link.) You'll cry buckets...not that I know from experience or anything...

Previous — Next

In less than a month, Seokjin keeps his promise. The moment you feel the plane begin to land, descending through the early morning fog that covers Incheon in a halo of peace, you're out of your seat and waiting by the gate. Sejin tries to convince you to sit, but as soon as your smile temporarily shifts into a glare, he backs off.

"Trust me, manager-nim," Jungkook laughs, "she's not sitting down."

"And if you try to make me, or in any way stop me from running off this plane to find Seokjin, I'll break your legs."

Jimin bursts out laughing at your angelic smile and fluttering eyelashes, adding the sickly sweet emphasis to your threat. Sejin gives you a thumbs-up as he rolls his eyes.

As the wheels hit the runway, you fish your phone from your pocket, instantly texting Seokjin. "Where are you?"

His reply is almost immediate: "Look out the window."

Doing as he requests, your grin widens. On the runway, standing in the dim light of sunrise, Seokjin waves his arms wildly. He's wearing civilian clothes — a black sweater paired with jeans and typical incognito gear: sunglasses and a beanie — something you haven't seen him wear in a long while. He looks healthy and happy.

True to your word, you burst through the door as the lock is released. Despite being on a private runway away from commercial planes, and BTS' return to Korea not being publicized, somehow reporters still find their way towards the aircraft. Luckily they haven't spotted the eldest member a little further back, but all that changes when you race down the exit ramp, push through the crowd, and bolt towards him. Arms open wide, feet taking you as fast as possible, you're careless in your show of emotion.

Seokjin closes the distance, scooping you into his embrace, off the ground, spinning around in the air. The sudden pressure of him against you is enough to break the dam of tears held inside. After spending a year and a half in a long-distance love — only able to speak through letters, texts, and calls — the fact that he's here in person catches you more off-guard than you thought it would. It's one thing to know he would be there waiting for you, but another thing entirely to have him in your arms, his warmth around you, his voice in your ear as he murmurs your name over and over.

When you finally pull back, Seokjin's hands cradle your face like it's the most tender thing he's ever held. His brown eyes are misty with emotion, and his lips stretch into a wide grin. "You're here..."

Nodding fervently, you place your fingers over his and close your eyes. Seokjin leans down and rests his forehead against yours, and the two of you finally feel the weight of 440 days fall away.

Even if just for a moment.

"I'm here."

As both of you attempt to close the distance, the flashing lights and barely-held-back noises of the media crowds not ten meters away is a rude reminder of how in the open you are. Despite being together for years, the world is mostly unaware of your relationship. Sure, there are theories floating around, but those come and go in differing forms. And honestly, because of your involvement with the boys, you've had a dating rumor with just about all of them.

That thought is enough to let you pause, bite your cheek, and settle back down from your tip-toes. Seokjin's eyes flutter closed in frustration, and he sighs heavily with similar emotion. Part of you regrets the agreement you made with each other — and the company — all those years ago. You were much younger, and the world was different. But now, would people really care so much if BTS' Jin was in a relationship with Min [Y/n]? Would it really wreck the group like Big Hit worried? Would Army really be that disappointed?

Surely, things have changed. In the year 2022, there has to be bigger things to worry about than two people being in love. When you shift your gaze to your peripheral vision, you see security keeping the nosey reporters at bay. Several of which you recognize from unpleasant events before. Despite your heart hurting at the thought of not being able to kiss him for a second longer, you know the hell that will break loose if you did. It having him means waiting another few minutes until you're in the privacy of the transport on its way to the airport, you can do that.

"Hey, look at me, Jagiya." Seokjin turns your face back towards his. As his eyes twinkle mischievously, his lips tug into a teasing smile. "I don't know about you, but I think I'm tired of hiding us."

Breath catching in your throat, you feel your lips part in surprise. "Are—Are you sure?" you whisper.

Your lover nods, and his thumbs graze the apples of your cheeks to emphasize his words. "If you are."

"And the company? The boys?"

"We've let their worries and concerns sway us for long enough, haven't we?" he murmurs. "This is our life. I'm tired of hiding it, hiding you, hiding us."

His words put your uneasiness to rest, and his soft whispers bring out a burst of bravery. Seokjin is right. You both have spent far too many years hiding your relationship from the world. All the time you've wasted worrying about appearances, or events, or the space between you both — both physically and other. He's one of the most important people in your life, and vice versa. You decide right then and there that there will never be another day that the whole world doesn't know that he is yours — and you are his.

Grasping the collar of his sweatshirt, you pull him down towards you. Despite displaying a smirk, Seokjin is eager to close the distance and cup your face closer to his. And in that moment, as your lips meet for the first time in over a year, your eyes flutter closed. The sounds and sights of shock around you, they're all irrelevant. All that matters here and now is you, and him, and this moment between you.

When you part, and your eyes flutter open once more, he's already pulling you into a tight embrace, nearly lifting your feet off the ground. "I missed you. So damn much."

Heart pitter-pattering at his words, you press your lips to the side of his head, spying a very shocked group of boys exiting the plane. Each of them looks a variant of happy but nervous, and Sejin's eyes are wider than you've seen in a while. All of you know that there's no going back now. It's all out in the open.

Good riddance to the damn secrets.

Jimin is the first to join the couple, his teeth showing as he gives a watery-eyed smile to Seokjin. "It's good to see you, Hyung." Seokjin releases you and embraces the younger member briefly. Jimin turns to you with a bittersweet look and a nickname on his lips: "C'mon, Aein. We need to go."

The exit is less than ideal. With the paps surrounding the airport, they've gotten wind of Seokjin's presence and the outburst of romantic affections between him and Min [Y/n]. They were hungry for a story before; needless to say your actions have added a shit-ton of fuel to the fire.

The ride back to the dormitory is quiet, mostly filled with soft conversation amongst the members in the car. Since Hoseok and Namjoon's enlistment is later in the week, both they and you take the car with Seokjin; the maknaes kindly offered to ride with Sejin in the following vehicle.

Your lover doesn't spare any details of his time with the military. He shares about what he's been up to recently, and how the new promotion has loosened his schedule a lot. He says he's enjoying the work surprisingly, but he is relieved to be all but three-and-a-half months done with his conscription.

When you arrive home, everyone is quick to dart into the dorms, eager to avoid any further press coverage. Sejin follows the group into the building, and you know he's going to have to play damage control for the following few days. It doesn't make you regret the decision, despite the inconvenience; you know Seokjin feels the same way when he squeezes your hand reassuringly and presses his lips to your forehead.

Once inside, everyone reunites the proper way. Hugs and laughter fill the space, each as eager as the last to embrace Bangtan's oldest brother. Hair is ruffled, giggles are drawn out, and Jungkook makes a show of picking up both Hoseok and Seokjin as they greet each other. All in all, the joy in the room is palpable; you can feel it around you like a warm blanket.

For a moment, everything is like it was before he left. All the pieces are back, and while you know Yoongi is still gone, you know his spirit is among the group tonight. You smile to yourself as you watch the boys' greetings turn to playful tussling, imagining Yoongi standing in the doorway behind you. In your mind, you see him leaning against the doorway, arms crossed, voice filled with breathy laughter at their shenanigans.

And with that image in mind, everything is as it should be.

Sejin waits quietly in the hallway as the group reunites; after a few minutes, and after everyone has settled down, he enters the living room. He gives Seokjin a pleasant smile, clearly glad to see him again. Seokjin stands, bows, and greets their manager like an hyung, and someone worthy of respect.

"I don't want to take too much time from you all," Sejin sighs, glancing sideways towards you. "But as the manager, I feel I need to at least address what just happened."

"We finally stopped lying to the world and hiding ourselves," you defend, and Seokjin's hand wraps around your wrist.

"Was that really the best idea? They didn't even know Seokjin was there, let alone that you two were together. We're going to be bombarded with questions from the press and the fans collectively. It's all they're going to want to hear from us for weeks." Sejin runs a hand over his face. "I know it's been a difficult decision to live with—"

"—Do you?" you snap, only realizing after-the-fact that it could sound rude with the tone you used.

"Honestly," Namjoon pipes up from the opposite sofa, "no one will care by the weekend. Once they get wind of our enlistment," he nods to Hoseok, "that's all that will be in the news. It will catch them all off-guard."

"And then we can deal with the questions as they come," Seokjin states firmly, his hand on your wrist tugging you into his arms and onto his lap. He rests his chin on your shoulder, sighing as if relieved to have you close again. "It's been almost five years, Manager-nim. When were we going to be able to be out like normal people?"

Sejin's gaze lowers. "Like it or not, you all aren't normal people."

"Yes, we are," Jungkook argues, his usually soft face firm with determination. "We're normal twenty-somethings, and we deserve happiness and love, no matter what form that takes. God knows Yoongi's lovers haven't been limited to women, and the fact that any of us date at all has always been an issue. But...But..."

"We're adults, and we deserve this," Taehyung echoes his younger member, putting a hand on Jungkook's shoulder.

Hoseok laughs to himself, and when everyone looks his way, he shakes his head and says, "We're Bangtan. We've been the biggest group in South Korea — and some can argue, the world — for nine years. If it ends up being that all of us finding someone to care about and spend the rest of our lives with — like Hyung and [Y/n] — is what causes our fame to temper and disappear, then I think I can be okay with that. Army wants us to be happy. Good people, the company who cares about us and the families we cherish, want us to be happy."

"We've had a good run being everyone's boys," Jimin agrees. "Maybe it's time we are true to ourselves for once."

"And let the world follow suit," Namjoon poetically concludes.

Sejin, though clearly still bothered by the prospect, nods his head in agreement. "This is going to be a fun one to explain to Bang PD, but as always, I'll plead your case."

"No pleading, and no case," you state. "This is the decision. They can get behind it, or they can find another Bangtan."

The manager chuckles under his breath, shaking his head at the victorious grin on your face. "Aish, what am I going to do with all of you?"

"Maybe protect us from Bang PD-nim," Seokjin suggests with a signature laugh. "I think I'll avoid the headquarters for this return trip."

"Oh, lucky you!"

After Sejin says his goodbyes for the night, the group continues to talk, eat, and drink late into the night and into the early hours of morning. Games are played, stories are told, semi-drunken dares are taken that lead to as much commotion and laughter as anything you've had since prior to your lover and brother's departures. Much of it is filmed or photographed for Yoongi's benefit. Between you, Taehyung, and Jungkook, you get enough footage to send to the only absent member to keep him entertained for endless days. It eases the weight of his empty chair for all the members, including his baby sister.

Eventually, one by one, the boys start to peel away and head back to their respective rooms. Taehyung and Hoseok are the first to leave, forever being the lightweights when it comes to even the most insignificant amount of alcohol. An hour later, Jimin and Jungkook help each other to their beds. Namjoon stays up the latest with you and Seokjin, having not had very much to drink between the three of you other than a glass or two of wine.

After a deep and intellectual conversation about who would win, Mario or Anpanman, the leader announces his exit and gives you both a clumsy smile and wave. "Don't stay up too late."

"Okay, Eomma," you tease, swatting his arm as he passes you. Namjoon chuckles as he heads up the stairs, leaving you and Seokjin alone to yourselves.

There's a beat of silence, and then you're tugging him closer to you, giggling as you press your mouth to his. Seokjin is just as eager, tugging you from your spot on the sofa beside him onto his lap. His hands rest on your waist as yours tangle in his short black hair. A sigh of relief slips out as he pulls you against him, closing the distance to almost nothing.

The last year, the communication aspect of your relationship had suffered little. Between the letters and calls and video chats, you heard and saw each other every single day. However, the physical portion of your love has been kept at bay for too many months. To touch and feel and kiss and embrace each other -- you hadn't been able to do that for a long time.

And it shows.

Breathless, Seokjin pulls back, chest heaving, a grin tugging at his lips. "I'm going to turn sappy, but you have no idea how often I'd imagined this."

"I figured it was the best way to get across how I've felt," you shrug playfully. "I can be fumbly with my words sometimes."

"Until you write music," he laughs, causing you to capture his mouth in another kiss. "You're gonna have to sing it for me sometime."

"I've sung it a million times for you."

"Over the phone isn't the same."

On that, you can agree.

"We have a week," you grin, tugging on the strands at the base of his neck. "I think I can do that for you."

Seokjin's gaze softens, and he pulls you back in, gently cradling your face in his palms. The warmth of him is almost intoxicating, something you haven't felt in over a year. You never knew you could miss the feel of someone so much, but having a long-distance love has proven that it's harder than you thought. Worth it, but nevertheless difficult.

The kisses that follow are sweet and soft, a bit calmer than the ones a few minutes ago. Moving your hands to his shoulders, you let him lead you to a familiar dance. After so many years together, there's not much either of you can do to surprise the other anymore. You've memorized each other's movements, and you know his love like the back of your hand. You'd heard it said that love that predictable might get stale after a while, but the truth is far from that. Not to say that you can foresee everything he does, but every word he says, every choice he makes, every move he does is wrapped in an aura of familiarity. You find immense comfort in knowing that the person you care about, and who cares about you, is true to himself. Always. Seokjin has become a pillar in your life, and you honestly cannot imagine a future without him in it.

After a moment, Seokjin pulls back, averting his eyes from yours. There's a strange look on his face, one of hesitation and questioning. It's not something you'd expect to see tonight of all nights.

"What is it?" you murmur, tapping your finger against his nose to get his attention. The tiny gesture is enough to bring his focus back on you. "You look distracted."

His brown eyes crinkle at the corners, his smile returning as you tilt your head in an animated fashion. He's told you a million times how cute he finds the movement, and it always brings a smile to his face. "I've just...really missed you, [Y/n]. A lot."

"Mmm, nope. That's not it." You shake your head and pull further away, plopping down on the cushion beside him while still keeping one arm wrapped around his shoulders to minimize the distance. "I can tell, and you're not getting any more of this," you gesture to yourself, "until you fess up, Kim."

Seokjin rolls his eyes and places his hand over your thigh, encouraging you to link your leg over his lap. You allow him that much, having always enjoyed the little touch...but you'll never tell him that. "You're so difficult, y'know that?"

You flash a wide smile, dancing your fingers along the base of his neck. "But seriously, what's going on? You got real quiet, real fast."

"I shouldn't..."

"Shouldn't what?"

Your lover's expression falls slightly, and his gaze moves away from yours to stare straight ahead. "Say anything."

"Why not?"

He heaves a sigh, "Because I'm afraid the time isn't right, and that saying what's on my mind is going to make things worse for us both."

You reach over, take his face in your hands, and force him to face you. "Don't do that," you state sternly. "I want you to tell me everything. We've never kept things from each other before, and I'm not about to start now. Bad timing or difficulty or what-the-fuck-ever: I don't care. Tell me what's on your mind. I got you, Seokjinnie."

Seokjin's worry softens, replaced by mild amusement as you release his face. "You know I love you, right?"

"Very much," you reply, heat rising into your face. "And I love you, too."

His signature grin returns as he leans in, presses his lips against yours for a brief moment, and pulls away. As he clears his throat, he shifts his body to face yours, sitting cross-legged on the sofa. His hand remains on your knee

"I know the timing isn't ideal. I know I still have time left to be away. I know this probably seems like it's coming from out of nowhere, but I'm not lying when I tell you it's been on my mind since the day I left. I—I almost asked you then, but I knew it wasn't the perfect time. Now I realize that no time is ever is, and the thought of leaving again without getting an answer...I can't do that again. So, if you'll allow me, can I ask you a very important question, [Y/n]?"

You remain still, heartbeat slowly picking up speed. Somehow, you're not afraid, and you give him a sure nod. "Of course."

Seokjin takes in a deep breath, then exhales even slower. His eyes close and open with his breathing, and he takes your hands in his own. His thumbs graze your knuckles, crooked finger clasping yours with a tender touch. You dip your head lower to catch his averted gaze, flashing a small smile to reassure him that you're listening. Your lover straightens his shoulders, expression softening into the adorable smile that always gives you butterflies, and he begins to speak.

"I know you're not the fondest of white — or dresses — but will you give me the chance to see you in one?" Seokjin tugs a small box from his pocket, pops it open, and reveals a simple yet gorgeous ring adorned with a single black diamond. "Marry me?"

Your jaw slacks at the gesture, and your eyes flicker back and forth between the ring in his hand and the nervous look on his face. A million things were flying through your mind, but they're all silent now. And in your state of awestruck, you find yourself asking a stupid question: "You really mean it?"

Seokjin throws his head back, an exasperated sound--a mix between a laugh and a sigh--slipping out. "Ahh, Jagiya! Would I have asked if I didn't?"

You throw your hands up in defense. "Look, since I was younger I never thought this was going to be my future, okay? I never thought...I didn't think I could let anyone in this close. It never occurred to me that I could be the girl who gets married."

"Is that a no?" he retorts quickly.

"No!"

"Wait, really?"

"No, that's not a no!" You cover your face with your hands, wanting nothing more than to bang your head against a wall. Seokjin is trying to be sweet and romantic, as usual--and as usual, you're ruining it. "Fucking hell."

"I didn't think it was such a difficult question," he chortles, "but if you need time, just let me know."

You drop your hands swiftly, locking eyes with him, and uttering a single word. "No."

"No, as in you have an answer? Or no, as in you n—?"

"—Yes. That first one."

"And the answer is...?"

"Yes."

He freezes. "Yes?"

"Yes!" you exclaim, a smile growing across your face. "Do I need to scream it louder?"

"I mean, we can get to that, too," he chides with a smirk.

Giving a playful eye roll, you shake off his comment with a simple retort: "Just give me the damn ring, Kim Seokjin."

He does as you ask, taking the ring from the velvet casing and slipping it onto your left ring finger. As he does, he voices a whisper of a concern, the final murmur of a nearly forgotten fear. "You're serious about this, right?"

Staring down at the glinting jewel, you reply, "I'm more serious about this than anything." Your gaze shifts up to meet his, and you raise your other hand to caress the side of his face. "I love you."

The brunet's smile widens and he leans into your touch, his fears put to ease for the final time. "I love you, too."

"Prove it."

With a mischievous glint in his eyes, Seokjin stands to his feet, scoops you into his arms, and starts the trek towards the bedroom, both of you giddy and giggly the entire way.

The next few days are bliss. Between the news you're eager to share with the boys, to the outings in Seoul with the group finally back together, it's hard not to look to the future with hope and wonder again. Even though Namjoon and Hoseok are preparing for their conscription at the end of the week, this week feels so much easier than the one prior to Seokjin's departure. That one was a mess of emotions; somehow, you're taking this one much easier.

Each of the members' reactions to the news of the engagement was perfectly in character. You and Seokjin had broken it to them the next morning after Jimin spotted the glittery addition to your ring finger. He was also the first to put it together, placing his hands over his mouth with widening eyes and a breathy gasp. Jungkook and Taehyung tilted their heads, then grinned like idiots when you announced in a high-pitched voice, "Guess who's officially joining the Kim clan!"

Hoseok dropped his spoon into his cereal bowl and stumbled over his words, while Namjoon blinked back and forth between you both. And you know that if Yoongi were here, he'd be laughing at all of them.

Everyone makes the best of the time you have together. There's definitely a trip to Lotte World, where your fiance and best friend hold tight to each of your hands the entire rollercoaster ride, and where Jungkook eats too much cotton candy and makes himself nearly sick. the day after that, Seokjin, Hoseok, and Namjoon's families travel to Seoul to see their sons, one before he returns to the military and two before they enlist. Everyone meets at Jiwoo's home downtown, being the perfect central location for a multi-family reunion. While there were some tears shed, it does your heart good to see that most of the day and late into the night is spent in joyful company, full of laughter and great stories.

You also make it a point to get the band under the same roof for a hearty meal and karaoke the night before Namjoon and Hoseok's departure, just like the good old days. This particular tradition is owed to Kim Seokjin alone. Even when Bangtan was just beginning, and there wasn't a lot of money to go around, you always admired that Seokjin encouraged mealtimes to be a constant pillar of support. He'd cook up a feast, and it brought everyone closer in those turbulent first years. It's something you continue to do as a group, even as a company at times, to this very day. Namjoon is his usual self, breaking one of the mics halfway through his epic performance, and Taehyung and Hoseok have a rap battle on one of their childhood favorites. The final night leaves everyone in a lighter mood than they've been in in months.

That night sets the mood for the next day. You wake next to Seokjin, knowing immediately what's about to happen. You'd slept terribly, despite feeling much more at ease than last time. It's still a goodbye, even if just for a little while, and you'll miss the '94s terribly. You'll miss Namjoon's unconventional wisdom and passive sense of humor, but also the peace and clarity he brings to every situation he's in. You'll miss Hoseok's lighthearted nature and sunshine outlook on life, but also the care and motherly warmth he exudes. They might be your brother's bandmates, but they were as much your brothers as they were his.

Having said that, this goodbye is easier. The event leading up to the departure goes well, and luckily the reporters were none the wiser at their conscription date and location. Both of the elder members are at peace with the situation, and this car ride isn't as silent as the last. Even as you pull up to the training facility, you can feel your heart pang against your ribs. Seokjin keeps a calming hand on your waist the whole time.

When it's time for final farewells, they aren't as bitter as last time. Seokjin and the maknaes huddle around the boys, encasing them in the biggest group hug they can manage. Their families also give them tight embraces, Namjoon's mother getting teary eyed, and Hoseok's sister pinching her little brother's cheek in a sentimental way.

When it comes time for you to say goodbye, you bring them both in at once, one arm around each of their necks. They crane over to hug you back, and you feel a sigh escape from both of them.

"I'll miss you," you murmur.

"Write to us, okay?" Namjoon asks, patting your back soothingly.

Nodding into his shoulder, you chuckle, "Can't promise it'll be as eloquent as you, but I'll write as often as I can."

"If we're lucky enough that our letters make it to them on tour," Hoseok laughs.

"Mail them to Sejin, and he'll get them to us somehow. The man is a magician." You pull away and glance up at the members, giving both a watery smile. "Be safe, promise?"

They mirror your request, and after a few final words, they're called back to the group and escorted off to their comrades. Even as they disappear from sight, you lean against Jiwoo's shoulder, knowing how it feels to see your brother walking through those doors.

"It gets easier," you murmur.

She nods affirmatively, heaving a heavy sigh. "I know it will. Just hurts right now."

After a short intermission, everyone begins to go their separate ways. The families return to their homes, and the maknaes go back to the dorms.

Seokjin and you head to your private apartment, shuffling through the door with silence as a companion. Your fiance reaches for your hand and twists his fingers around yours, keeping you from heading further through the dark corridor.

"Are you okay?"

Turning towards him, you heave a sigh and nod once. "Yeah, surprisingly, I'm okay this time."

"Are you sure?"

"You can still tell when I'm bothered, can't you?"

Seokjin's smile is soft as he flips the light switch, bringing the apartment back into the light. "Of course. I just...wanted to make sure." He shrugs his shoulders. "It's just you and the maknaes now."

A bittersweet expression covers your face, and you rest your chin on his arm, staring up at him. "We can handle it. Got a plan and it'll only be for a few more months until you and Yoongi are back. I mean, I don't like it, and I miss them already, but I don't think it's going to break me anymore. I'm braver and stronger now."

"I know. I've seen the change, and I'm really proud of you, Min [Y/n]." He presses a kiss to your hairline, and his voice softens. "Really, really proud."

Scrunching up your nose at the sickly sweet compliment and gesture, you pull away and tug his hand, as if telling him to come with you. "Having said that, I'm hungry and tired. All I want right now is some teokbokki, something nostalgic like Princess Mononoke, and cuddles. And preferably, for the rest of the weekend. I don't want to think about saying another goodbye right now, no matter how temporary."

Seokjin's infectious laughter fills the room, and he follows your lead towards the kitchen. "Well, we can definitely arrange that." He pulls you back into him, using your eagerness against you, and nuzzles his face into the crook of your neck. His arms wrap around your torso, cradling your back against his chest. "Until the weekend is over, you have me."

"Then hold me until it is, promise?"

"I've already made the promise that lasts a lifetime. I think I can handle one more weekend.”

Taglist — @joyful-jimin​​​​, @gracehiii​​​, @live-2-fangirl​​​, @rjsmochii​​​​, @btsnatalena

[foreignswaggersession]

Best of K-Pop 2021 - 50-41

50. Youha - Abittipsy. Youha came out of nowhere with an absolute banger of an 80s noir track. This was another song that came out in January and held on to its spot in this list. I hate city pop tracks for being weak, so I love a song that does 80s synth right - hard-hitting with an explosive chorus.

49. Shax - Malo. Yes this fake group destroyed most boy group’s 2021 releases with ease, including those of the idols in the fake group (SF9 and Ateez wish they had comebacks as good as this). Peak 3rd gen music, bring this sound back.

48. Taemin (SHINee) - Advice. The Prince of K-Pop left us with a a gothic twerk anthem. SM always gives Taemin the good sh**, they love him.

47. Kai (EXO) - Come In. I shouldn't be surprised that Kai had the best EXO song in a year where both EXO and D.O. released an album. D.O let me down with nothing but forgettable ballads, but leave it to SM to give their main dancer the best music - that's very on-brand for them. I loved Hello Stranger last year, and I've had Come In on repeat since it came out. Trap meets synthwave.

46. Pentagon - Do or Not. Pentagon's best title track since Sha La La (how could y'all let her flop???). Do or Not is playful pop rock at its finest. Bright concepts are back!

45. WJSN - Super Moon. Peak WJSN. Just pure bouncy fun from MosPick. Boogie Up wishes it was Super Moon. One of the most fun girl group releases of 2021.

44. NCT 127 - Promise You. Sticker is the best NCT 127 album so far and Promise You is the best song on that album. Dreamy synthpop, a la Highway to Heaven. Should have gotten some choreography - it's much too good to be a sit-down ballad.

43. Oneus - Black Mirror. Oneus finally leaving their post-RTK flop era. Boys doing disco will never get old with me, and Oneus understood the assignment. An anti-drop done right.

42. Monsta X - Autobahn. Monsta X was mostly unimpressive this year (and last year lbr), but Autobahn is an exception. I love car and driving themes, and a song to speed to is always appreciated. The instrumental feels so good in my ears, and their whisper vocals don't distract from that instrumental. The chorus is bare except for this awesome electro beat that changes with each drop. Drop choruses live and die on the instrumental, and Autobahn rides the instrumental hard.

41. Seventeen - Anyone. And the most improved group in 2021 goes to Seventeen! Seventeen releasing the best music of their careers after 2 years of boring tf out of me was not what I expected for 2021 but by god am I grateful. Anyone isn't even the best Seventeen song this year! It just bangs a lot and OBVIOUSLY should have been the title over Ready to Love.

[atinydise]

Ateez dancing slowly with their s/o

❦ Genre: Fluff.

❦ Pairing: OT8.

❦ Word count: 2k8.

❦ Requested: Yes, thank you! 🦋

❦ Masterlist.

HONGJOONG - Background music: ASTRO - Innocent/First Love

You heard the entrance door slam loudly in the hallway. You gulped. Hongjoong was pissed. Your affirmation was confirmed, when you saw your boyfriend throwing his bag and coat in the bedroom, just before sitting next to you on the couch, without saying anything. “Hard day?” you asked, looking right at him. He hummed and ripped the remote off your hands. “Oookay…” you claimed, shock by how angry he was. He zapped all the channels that he found annoying before throwing the remote on the coffee table. “I know that you are mad, but this poor remote didn’t do anything to you.” He rolled his eyes, “I’m not in mood to laugh Y/N?” “Do you want to talk ab-“ “No.” He said straight, ending the conversation. “Okay…” you gave up.

After few minutes of a tense atmosphere, you decided to help him to relax. You stood up and grabbed your phone. You went to your room to find your speaker and played one of your favorite music: Astro - Innocent/First Love. Hongjoong glanced at you, trying to know what you were planning to do. You walked up in front of him and grabbed his hands, “come dance with me.” “I’m not in mood Y/N.” “Just 3 minutes. One song.” He sighed and gave up, “Okay.” He stood up and you led him to the middle of the room, to have enough space to dance. You wrapped your arms around his neck while he grabbed your waist tightly. You smiled lovingly at him, enjoying this moment. More the music was playing, more he was getting closer to you. Your body danced slowly in a nice and warm motion. You giggled when he made you turn around. Now, he was smiling too. His grip on you were not harsh anymore. You felt his love again. “Thank you,” he smiled widely. “Anything for my man.” You smiled. Well before both of you notice, you danced on 3 songs, while he finally confessed why he was so mad. You would use this technic often.

SEONGHWA - Background music: LEE HI - Breathe

Today was a good day. You spent it with your boyfriend Seonghwa. He made this day even better. For his day off, he organized a picnic for the lunch. He knew that you would love to enjoy the fresh air and the sun. He bought almost all of your favorite snacks and brought cards, so you won’t be bored. As a Saturday, the park was full, but you liked to see a playful and chill atmosphere. “This is perfect Ddeonghwa*,” you giggled. He smiled, “I’m happy to have such a good weather like this.” You nodded and sat on the blanket he brought. Both of you started to eat, drink and talk about your week. You loved to hear how’s his week been since it was always more interesting than yours. “So, we started to learn modern jazz. I hope that I will improve well.” “For sure, what you can’t do!” He smirked and added, “I don’t know how I ended being so lucky to have you in my life.” You stared at him, embarrassed by this sudden declaration. Nervously, you threw a pringles on his shirt. “Stop saying such kitschy things!” He laughed at the blush on your cheeks and grabbed your hand in his softly. Suddenly, the music band near you, played Seonghwa’s favorite song: Lee Hi - Breathe. “Y/N! Dance with me.” He said, standing up. “What? But- In front of everyone?” You panicked. He nodded and led you in front of the band. He grabbed one of your hand in his while the other one was wrapped around your waist. You could feel that everyone was staring at you, in a good way but sharing this tender moment with Seonghwa made you forget all the people around. You were doing your best to follow your boyfriend steps and not to crush on his feet. “You are doing really good Y/N!” Praised Seonghwa. “I have a good teacher,” you smiled proudly. Without asking you, he wrapped his other arm around you while you just put your hand on his broad shoulder. He surprised you with a soft kiss that only him know how to make you feel safe and loved.

*Ddeonghwa: cute nickname (almost childish idk) used by Seonghwa.

YUNHO - Background music: TAEMIN - Back to you

You were enjoying a dinner at the restaurant with your closest friend. But even if both of you seemed to have a good time, she noticed that you were not really in the mood. She sipped her glass of Soju and asked you, “what is going on Y/N? You are here with me but seems like your mind is far away.” You smiled sadly, “sorry, I just miss Yunho.” “You had an argument?” “No, he’s just so busy.” “Just go to see him. Even if it’s for 10 minutes.” She advised, eating a piece of meat. “Should I? I don’t want to invade his space,” you said, rubbing your face, frustrated. “Just go. But after our dinner because I’m hungry.” You smiled, “okay thank you.” As promised, after a good meal, you went to KQ, just to greet your boyfriend. In the hallway, you heard the song that you are always listening with Yunho: Taemin - Back To You. You opened slowly the door and saw your boyfriend dancing slowly by his own. When he saw your reflection on the mirror, he didn’t yell your name like he does usually. He just smiled and made a sign for you to join him. You walked up slowly to him and grabbed his hand. Yunho made you turn around on yourself slowly, before grabbing you by the waist. As a reflex, you wrapped your arms around his neck and followed his lead. “What are you doing here?” He whispered. “I missed you, so I just came to say ‘hi’,” you replied, “I hope I’m not interrupting anything.” He shook his head, “no, that’s a good idea that you came to see me. And I was missing you so much too.” He put his forehead against yours. Both of you closed your eyes to enjoy the music and each other presence. “So glad that you are here…” he whispered, pulling you closer to him. You smiled. Finally, he needed you as much that you needed him. “I don’t want this moment to stop,” you admitted, looking right at his eyes. “Me neither… but the boys are going to come back soon.” You giggled, “let’s enjoy our remaining time then.”

YEOSANG - Background music: Paul Kim - Me after you

“Yeosang! I’ll look for something to drink!” You yelled. Your boyfriend next to you nodded. “I’ll wait you here!” He replied. You kissed his cheek and walked up to the bar. Yunho and Mingi were having a party for the new year. They reserved in a big and luxurious loft so everyone could have fun. They invited a bunch of friends and idol to this memorable party. You were with Yeosang in the last 3 weeks only, but you were the first person they invited, even before the other members. You were glad to have a good friendship with them. When you sat on the bar, you immediately ordered something cold. ‘Hello young lady,” greeted a man, sitting next to you. “Hi,” you simply replied, trying to stop this conversation fast as possible. “Can I pay for your drink?” You shook your head, “I just did but thank you.” He smiled, embarrassed. “Well okay… I guess that I don’t have any excuse to talk to you.” “I’m sorry but-“ “She’s taken.” Said Yeosang, pulling you away from this man. “Yeosang, my drink…” you rolled your eyes. “Forget it and dance with me,” he said, grabbing your hands to place it on his shoulders while he grabbed your waist. So tightly, like if he was scared that you disappear. You followed your boyfriend’s rhythm and finally asked. “Are you jealous?” He didn’t reply. “I don’t know that you were the jealous type.” He stared at you, raising a brow, “every guy is jealous when they see their girlfriend with someone else.” You were about to reply something, but he pulled you closer to him. Not leaving a centimeter between you and him. “There’s many things that you ignore about me.” You smiled slightly, “then I can’t wait to know you a lot more.” “Is that a declaration?” he asked. You stuck your tongue out at him, “maybe.” He smiled and leaned to kiss you softly. It would be you and him only tonight and for a long time. “Ew gross! Take a room!” Interrupted Wooyoung, walking next to you. Okay maybe not for a long time.

SAN - Background music: Vanessa Hudgens & Zac Efron (HSM) - Can I have this dance

For this special sunny day, San and you settled the rooftop as a chill and cool place to hang out. You brought food and drinks and he took his laptop to watch movies and pillow for the best comfort. You were sitting next to him on the hammock while he was preparing his laptop on the coffee table, in front of you. “What did you choose?” you asked, already eating the candies you brought. “High School Musical 3!” he yelled, happily. You clapped, excited to know what he would think about the last movie. You started to watch High School Musical when you learn that he hadn’t see them. “It was too good to not watch it,” you always repeated. The first time, he was a bit reticent but when the first song came up, he immediately loved it. When he played the movie, you were glancing at him sometimes to see his reaction about the new choreographies or songs. There was definitely more budget. “Oh, this is my favorite scene,” you claimed, clapping enthusiastically. It was the scene were Gabriella taught Troy how to dance on the rooftop. As you, San was immersed in this scene. It was pretty simple but the alchemy, the song and the love were present. When the scene ended, he paused the movie and asked you. “Can I have this dance?” he smiled, handing his hand. “W-What? San, I can’t?” you stuttered. “Come on. I will teach you!” He pulled you off the hammock and positioned himself in a good posture. “You are unbelievable,” you said. But you played his game and put your hand in his. He pulled you closer to you, took one step and kept his eyes locked in yours. Exactly like Gabriella said. You followed him as you could, doing your best to not be ridiculous. But you were doing pretty good. “We should do that more often,” you giggled. “I totally agree,” he smirked. “Because together or not-*“ he started. “Our thing won’t stop*.” You finished. He giggled and made you turn around before pulling you closer to him. You saw in his eyes that he would never let you go.

**: lyrics from this song.

MINGI - Background music: THE WEEKND - I feel it coming

For the CEO’s birthday the whole KQ Team were invited in a huge gala. All the artists under the label were present, including the staff too. So, it means that Ateez was present too of course. With the manager’s permission, Mingi invited you: his girlfriend, to the gala. At first, you were completely reticent because Mingi was scolded for dating so earlier in his career, but when he explained his situation with sincerity, the CEO gave him his approbation. To convince you, he asked all his members to beg you to come. Of course, at the end you gave up and bought a dress the same night. Even if you were a bit stressed, the boys made sure to help you to relax by telling jokes the whole night. Well before the cake celebration, the CE came to the group table. They all stood up and bowed to their superior. You too of course. “You are not dancing boys? My music is not enough good for you?” he teased them. “No, it’s a good music.” Said Mingi. The boss turned around to face you. “Mingi. Why you don’t invite your girlfriend?” “W-What?” he said shyly. “DJ? Put a romantic music! I want that everyone here dance!” he ordered happily. You just wanted to hide in a corner and go out only when everybody would have leave. Mingi took a deep breath and grabbed your hand. “Let’s dance, okay?” he smiled shyly. You nodded and followed him in the middle of the crowd, surround by adults. You shyly wrapped your arms around Mingi’s neck. But he strangely stayed still, like froze. “Mingi,” you whispered, “you need to put your hands on my waist.” He nodded and placed his big hands on your side. You were a bit leading the dance, but you couldn’t say that you didn’t like this situation. You felt Mingi’s embrace a bit closer than the first minute, he finally was used to this proximity. “I like it,” he confessed. “Of course that you like dancing,” you giggled. “No, I like that everyone see that you are mine.” You blushed and buried you face on his chest, too shy.

WOOYOUNG - Background music: JAMES BAY - Let it go

You get up off the couch, taking all the plates remaining on the coffee table. “Y/N don’t do it! You are the guest.” Said Seonghwa already standing up to help you. “No, it’s fine. You worked hard today! Just rest.” You winked at him and went on the kitchen. Seonghwa stared at Wooyoung, your boyfriend. “You will let her clean your dishes?” Wooyoung rolled his eyes, “she’s stubborn, nothing will change her mind.” Seonghwa pinched his member’s arm. “Ouch Hyung!” Complained Wooyoung rubbing his arm. The eldest pointed at the kitchen door, that you closed to no bother them. “Okay okay…” he said, getting up lazily. When he opened the door, he saw you already washing the first plates you brought but dancing to this slow song that you like: James Bay - Let it go. You almost jumped when you heard Wooyoung’s voice behind you. “You really like this song huh? You are listening every day?” You smiled, “yep.” Wooyoung leaned on the counter, just next to you. “Are you here to help me?” you smirked, knowing well that Seonghwa forced him to. “Yes, but now I want to do something else.” He said leaning you with this intense stare. “Woo-,” you said blushing a bit by this sudden proximity. He was looking right at your eyes, but he stopped the water and throw the Tupperware you were cleaning, in the sink. Wooyoung slowly grabbed your forearm and positioned it on his shoulders. He slowly wrapped your waist and pulled you closer. “Wooyoung- what are you doing?” you giggled. “It’s obvious no? I’m dancing with you.” He smirked. You wanted to ask why? Suddenly? But you preferred to enjoy the moment. Of course, it was not so romantic, in the kitchen, filled by dishes and you still had these yellow gloves on, but Wooyoung was the only thing you focused on. He lifted your chin to kiss your lips softly. ‘Y/N, Woo do-“ Interrupted San? The boy smiled seeing you like this and left the kitchen, leaving both of you in peace. In your little moment.

JONGHO - Background music: EXO - Smile on my face

“One, two, three and four!” counted Yunho. The group were practicing for their concert in Seoul. It was the first time they would perform in Korea, so they were trying to show the best of them. “Okay that was nice! Let’s take a break,” ordered Yunho. San and Wooyoung fell on the floor, breathless. Seonghwa, Yunho and Mingi went to buy food at the convenience store. While Hongjoong and Yeosang were looking at their phone in a corner of the room. You saw your boyfriend coming to you, exhausted. He layed his head on your laps. “What are you doing sweetheart?” You showed him your phone screen. It was a video of a couple dancing gracefully on a slow song. “Oh. You like this kind of dances?” “It’s really pretty.” You smiled, “I wish I knew how to dance like that.” Jongho sat up next to you, “let’s practice then.” He rushed to the computer before you could decline the offer. “Jongho! You need to rest a bit and I really can’t-“ He pulled you slowly by your hands and led you to the center of the room. “Put this hand on mine and your other one on my shoulder.” You executed a bit reticent, but you needed to do your best. You tensed a bit when he placed one hand on your waist, but he didn’t give you enough time to be shy. “You will need to follow my step okay?” You nodded and took a deep breath. Jongho slowly stepped behind, making you step forward to him. He repeated this move a dozen of time. You started to know how it was working. “Now, I will step forward but it’s exactly the same okay?” he smiled. You nodded and kept following Jongho’s moves. “You are doing really good babe!” praised your boyfriend. You giggled, “how you learnt to dance so well?” “I went to some parties with my grandmother, so she taught me a little bit.” He winked. He surprised you by making you turn you around. “We should hang out more to dance like that.” “Yes! Count me in!” You smiled. “Oh. What are we doing here?” said Mingi coming back from the store. “They’re learning how to dance and teach us how to be happy obviously,” smiled Hongjoong.

[sugar-petals]

Wanna know something toxic? How femininity is associated with being a bottom and masculinity is associated with being a top. Like even in stereotypicaI gay couples, wanna more top femboys and bottom mascs.

it’s true how that dichotomy has been perpetuated so widely and it can be pretty upsetting. not hard to guess why many idols have become hot stuff to dommes and switches, guys like our lord and catboy savior lee taeyong are breaking every law there is on the streets 😉

his looks are aggressive and chiseled, his physical strength is quite extreme. but his demeanor... is melted butter. how we see him on camera when the stage/leader mode is off — he couldn’t be any more playful. it defies his every inch and each assumption. i love how off-guard it catches people, taeyong is so gently understated and pliant.

given how folks like him are out there doing their best: every dominant’s and top’s part of the equation is to open that space for subs and bottoms to comfortably look like this, yes, even if that’s not their private preference and they like more cutesy boys as counterparts. it’s more about saying yes to that image being possible instead of creating a uniform checklist. dommes who are into subby guys who don’t appear like subs will show their love anyways (we can learn from switches there), it’s just good to be on the same page among all doms.

i also find it important how say taemin and jimin are turning the tables as well. known for their sweet supple looks, but the concepts come with an unmistakable artistic authority that commands many. it’s done naturally and passionately.

the bad boy gone good aka best boy in hiding (sub guy who appears like a dom) and homme fatale (dom guy who appears like a sub) are lingering ideas for a new way, least for those who want (!) to pull it off. vice versa, the subby giants and fierce curvy dommes for the ladies’ archetypes, they become more accepted and beloved. 

in an ideal place, everyone preoccupies their niche comfortably, though i also think that some more aggressive trailblazing can lead to even greater things. while at the same time not forcing other people to ditch their version of “what you see is what you get”. baekhyun, candy, you get the idea.

so as you can see, that doesn’t only apply to people who like masculine-appearing doms and tops. it’s also us femdom folk and that’s ok 😄 the feminine = sub, masculine = dom idea may never cease for all, the key rather is not proving but living that the opposite is enjoyable to the right kind of people as well, and that the paradigm is not universally applicable and imposable since a lot of human life can roll rather differently. against all odds, anyway.

what is healthy and what is toxic then depends on execution of individuals although it is true how it’s much easier to go astray with scenarios where men are in the power position for historical and hegemonial reasons. which is also the reason why masculinity won’t be intrinsically and globally equated with subbing any time soon, especially in monosexual realms, but that doesn’t have to stop you from having a ball with your own vision of things anyway :D other people will hear you.

[briarrosescurse]

(dances) 📖 what if, idol au 4 all ur beebs

i may know shit abt idols and how everything works BUT id die on a hill for this au (dances with u)

also pls dont mind my inner kpoppie coming out, my bias for certain styles is rlly shining through... IM ALSO NO EXPERT, SO DONT JUDGE ME

idols au

roza: she is in an unit but occasionally releases single albums due to her astounding popularity! roza follows usually girl crush concepts or concepts focused around love (including heartbreak) but her fans also adore it when she deviates from that and takes another turn - for example, in their latest comebacks (and roza’s solo), their concepts changed more into self-love!

despite that, people are so surprised to find out how much of a playful sweetheart she actually is. due to her clueless but entertaining personality, people love seeing her in interviews or shows.

roza is vocally quite strong and is usually praised for her range. she definitely has room for improvement in the dance apartment, but in her unit, she is the main vocalist. other people would consider her to be the visual alongside with another member.

examples would be; blackpink and mamamoo but as well as heize and iu

xiang: this man works as a solo idol and he is known for his more mature, sensual and sometimes rather explicit concepts. his albums are always a... sight to behold, honestly. let’s just say, they follow rather risque ideas - but hey, the producers and managers can’t complain, he’s bringing in the cash.

xiang is most definitely a more visual and dance heavy idol - his good looks attract attention and not to mention his build allows for some rather unique wardrobe choices. fancams of those love to go viral and they make people’s jaws drop.

other than that, he is actually excelling quite well at demanding dances - people like to praise him for keeping up a great vocal performance despite the difficult dances.

compared to actor au, however, he is viewed with a much more critical eye; xiang’s bold and doesn’t hold back his tongue, after all. not to mention, his fans grow quite jealous of him being possibly involved in love affairs.

if i had to give examples of the type of music he’d have, i’d say... wonho - it’s exactly what i imagine for xiang. other than that, i’d add taemin, nct or vixx

theodor: sweet lil’ theo is in an unit! his height brings him a bit at an disadvantage but his vocal abilities are very outstanding for that. he very much fits in more cheerful and crush themes - people eat that shit up and think his unit’s eras with those concepts is where he shines.

people love to gift him plushies of alpacas or llamas during fanmeets. he keeps every single one of them and the amount of photos that he posts of them with himself is astounding - not to mention during the fanmeets, you can see him hugging them for almost the whole duration.

watching the dance practices is usually pretty fun because you can see theodor making funny faces; he always brings a lot of sunshine with that cute face of his into the room and that makes him a huuuuge fan favorite for the stans of his group.

examples would be: shinee and got7

balgair: ASSUMING balgair would be in stagrove as a sort of. subunit? OR AT LEAST in a group with a similar style. i’d say he is definitely a dance heavy idol. most likely lead dancer AT LEAST. i think of like... very on point and synchronized. definitely also pretty rebellious and bad boy concepts going on.

like i said, i'd deem balgair to be a lead dancer - people would say he is rather underappreciated and deserves a lot more recognition. they also complain about the lack of his lines. but further than that, balgair's got a very charming and charismatic character - he only lets his mischievous side show during shows or interviews. he also appears to be fluent in a few foreign languages, so international fans always joke about him having a secret account to see what content the fans produce for him.

during fanmeets people LOVE talking to him, just because of how extroverted and friendly he is. they also comment on how, close up, you can really notice his unique fox-like face structures.

examples: nct and block b

chloe: she's a rather more 'unknown' idol, if you are not part of the community, but still has a certain reputation. as a solo artist, she goes against the typical girl crush concept and follows something more gender stereotype breaking.

she's very heavy on the vocal parts and also is praised for her pretty face, despite the lack of facial expressions she shows during lives or interviews. however, according to her fans, the longer you follow her and her content, the more you realize she's just a very awkward girl, bad at expressing her feelings - but that's what makes her so loveable.

she isn't the most actice idol, thus comebacks are rather not frequent for her, but you can very often see ads where she participates.

examples: moonbyul

madeline: good ol' maddy is the visual of his group. his vocal range is outstanding, but he is only considered as the lead vocal in his unit. he's another one where people like to say that his dancing leaves room for improvement; it's an inside joke in his fanbase that he is stiff like a log during dance practice.

madeline was formerly just an actor before he switched branches. his fanbase carried over as well, so he already made a name for himself. people did enjoy watching his growth, though; at first, it was hard for him getting used to teamwork, as he appeared to see it all as a competition instead of a group project, thus he was rather hostile in his trainee days. but he grew and developed and his fanbase really enjoys pointing that out about him.

his concepts are often a bit more on the emotional side; showing a rather vulnerable side of love, so to say. other than, his concepts are a lot more 'artsy' and tend to carry a convoluted plotline throughout the album. it's unusual, but certainly unique.

examples: bts and exo

briar: and lastly! our pricky prick himself! briar is one of the unexpectedly older idols but for that he is pretty much a talent in all fields - dancing, singing and even his visuals are nothing to complain about. he is a bit more... controversial, so to say? a lot of multistans think he is rather arrogant and really unfriendly - while they recognize his talent, they are critical of his attitude.

his concepts are varying, but it's usually also more of a bad boy and mature theme. his dance routines are fun to watch. sometimes, behind the scenes, you can see him teaching other members or helping them out. it's not too unusual for people to believe he is the leader of the unit.

examples: nu'est and 2pm

[misfitjohnnys]

unintentional; and if you listen to me

You’ve worked hard for everything you’ve gotten and Mark Lee is a soft twist in your busy life, but you know hiding part of yourself eventually always bites anyone in the ass.

Word count: 22k - part 1/5

Reader x Mark Lee

(M)

masterlist // warnings

You normally weren’t so brave when it came to speaking to strangers outside of work, and you’d spent way too much time picking out tweezers, but glancing down in line at Walgreens, you quickly saw a view of a gorgeous pair of loafers in front of you, some you’d envied online multiple times and they piqued your interest. “I really like your shoes.” You spoke faster than you could stop yourself.

The black haired boy in front of you in line turned around slightly, glancing quickly back at you, cheekbones prominent from your side view and it almost hurt your heart, you wished you could see his smile, it looked bright and you liked making people happy. You’d always heard people say you fall a little in love with at least one stranger every day and in the moment it almost felt true.

“Oh yeah thanks, they’re, uh, Gucci.” He glanced at his shoes, tapping the heels of his feet together. His voice was angelic and sweet; you were almost confused by the familiarity of it. His voice sounded like home, soothing your aching chest.

You kind of envied the fur loafers right now, standing in your own unbroken-in shoes had gotten a bit exhausting even if just for under an hour. He glanced back again, and you could see him graze over your own shoes. The side view of his face was overwhelming. You swallowed thickly, biting your lip and your grip on the tweezers in your hand got just a bit tighter. “I got them in LA, figured I’d wear them since it’s kinda cold here.” He seemed nervous when you should be the one shaking, and you kind of were. You were currently living in Los Angeles with warmth every day, so the mention was slightly amusing to you.

The blonde next to him was looking behind the counter and you could hear him snort at the brunette’s words. The clerk at the counter fumbled with the cartons of cigarettes, shakily bringing them to the register. You were tired, you had to admit; your unsteady hands combed through your hair and adjusted your hat. The brunette standing in front of you seemed like a far stretch from being your idol, feeling like maybe you were just going nuts, equating it to it being late in the evening in a Walgreens in a town you weren’t quite familiar with anymore when it was just past 9pm in your own time-zone. You brushed it off, thinking maybe you were just visualizing something completely unrealistic.

It took a lot of effort and slightly too much time to speak again, but you couldn’t just ignore his comment, forcing yourself to have at least another word to confirm your suspicion of who exactly was standing in line in front of you because it was nagging at your soul. It felt like a dream. “Must’ve spent a fortune on those yeah?” You chuckled, biting your lip again, sweaty fingers tracing over the items in your hand again.

“Spent his money from his first album on them and drained half of his account at the time.” The blonde joked in a thick foreign accent. You couldn’t help but snort, seizing a gasp when your eyes felt like they were playing tricks on you. There was no way.  The blonde looked back at you to raise an eyebrow and further tease his friend. You were just going crazy. “Wait, no, the gold ones please.” You heard him tell the cashier. At least he had decent taste to be getting American Spirits. You swallowed quickly, word vomiting and letting the conversation fall from your mouth in an effort that your friends would find embarrassing. 

“You make music?” You asked, grinning with embarrassment to try and remain seeming oblivious, making light conversation while the other checked out. The brunette seemed so shy, you could see him smile even wider from the side, his broad shoulders painting pictures in your brain and making your chest ache even further with your heartbeat in your throat. You weren’t just seeing things.

“I mean, yeah kinda. We’re in uh, a group, we’re pretty good I suppose.” The blonde snorted to himself at the brunettes attempt at conversation, crumpling his receipt into his pocket and tucking the carton under his arm with a lighter in hand. “We’re playing a show in town, you, uh, you should come.” Your brain short-circuited for a second, nodding. You bit your lip and plucked a soda from the machine next to the two of you. You were shaky and couldn’t believe you were standing in line with two people you knew well of, but only behind the screen of your phone or computer. “There’s, uh, some tickets left I’m sure still if you’re looking for a, um, good time!” He was speaking as if they were playing some little underground show, which made you internally laugh because SuperM was anything but small. You smiled again, trying to steady your breaths and calm your heart rate. “If you want to at least.” He really seemed nervous and it made you feel just a tad better.

“I’ll try my best.” You lied through your teeth, knowing damn well you already had VIP tickets, multiple lightsticks, and an outfit planned for the show. You rolled your soda around in your hands, glancing at the ground and you could feel his eyes on you, avoiding all looks out of fear of embarrassing yourself.

“Is that kind any good? We don’t really, uh, have those back home, yeah.” You caught his eyes for just a second, gulping and actually realizing you definitely weren’t just delusional, and this was the first time you had a good look at his face. This isn’t happening, you thought. Mark Lee just looked in your eyes and seemed completely ready to continue your conversation. You glanced back down at your soda, fumbling with your words for just a second, the orange vanilla Coca Cola suddenly felt very heavy in your hands.

“Yeah, I mean I-I like them. My friends don’t.” You said quietly, shrugging and focusing back down at his shoes but you didn’t miss the smile pull at the edge of his lips when he leaned over to grab one for himself. “The Coke Zero one is a bit better, but I like living on the edge.” You couldn’t believe those words had fallen out of your mouth, but it brought an embarrassed grin to your face.

“Oh, okay! I love Coke Zero anyway so- “

The blonde stepped in, playful grin across his face. Yeah, definitely him. “I’m Taemin, this is Mark. He’s really dumb and shy around people so please don’t mind his words.” Taemin spoke up and faced you, giggling and nudging his friend as he walked up to you as well, ignoring the fact that you were both in line to check out and he was taking up yours and the cashier’s time, but you weren’t at all upset about it. You hoped she wouldn’t be either.

“Anyway!” Mark laughed shyly, shaking his head. Your throat felt tight, another smile forcing itself onto your mouth. Were you getting flirted with? There was no way.

You saw Mark embarrassingly walk to check out. A blush was evident on his face as he set down an orange vanilla Coke Zero on the counter. Your heart was racing a little less now.

“He’s so embarrassed.” Taemin laughed, crossing his arms and shaking his head.

You nodded, shaking your own head. “He shouldn’t be, my friends embarrass me like that too.” This was a miracle, you thought. By chance that you’d end up in this Walgreens right then with them. It didn’t feel real, glancing at the time on your phone.

“Taemin-hyung, you- are you ready?” His speech was soft, pink still bright on his cheeks.

Mark finished checking out and pushed his receipt into his pocket, avoiding your gaze. Taemin grinned, a soft wink at you as he glanced over at Mark. “He loves me.” He chuckled and waved at you, starting to head to the door. You were amazed at their willingness to talk to anyone in line anywhere, especially to you. You wondered where their managers were, but that was the least of your concerns and maybe a stroke of luck for you.

In order not to seem like an entire idiot, you tried to act normal. “Nice to meet you.” You nodded, confidence finally seeping into your words as you tried to introduce yourself, blurting your name out, earning a quick warm wave in return. You glanced back at Taemin, who was currently packing his carton of cigarettes. “By the way the yellow pack is better.” You smiled briefly, seeing his grin shine back in the bright lights of Walgreens.

“I’ll remember that! Have a good night!” Taemin spoke smoothly, his Nike slides slapping against his feet as he made his way out of the door, Mark smiling sweetly at you before following suit. You couldn’t focus much, setting your items on the counter and watching them through the window as they made their way to a black car in the parking lot only to see them both get into the back seat, Taemin following after Mark.

“American Spirits. Yellow please.” You told the cashier, feeling like any second you could throw up, but you held it together as best as you could.

“That was literally Lee Taemin and Mark Lee wasn’t it? I feel like I’m going crazy.” The cashier asked, completely shocked and quickly trying check you out without seeming like she was going to be sick; you could tell. You nodded, shakily grabbing your items and giving her exact change.

“Yes, it fucking was.” You said shortly, opting out of grabbing your receipt.

It felt like you had no control of your own feet, racing out into the parking lot and thankful to see the car still in its spot, bold laughter muffled by the tinted windows. You had to act fast, swallowing and knocking quickly on the back window of the door you saw them slide into. The window rolled down quickly and you didn’t miss the huge grins on not two, but three shining faces in the backseat. You recognized quickly that Lucas was there too, giggling loudly.

You took a breath, trying to gather your words. “Hey so I’m- Me and my friends- We-we’re having a party at the hotel across the street, you guys should come.” You smiled dumbly, watching Taemin light up a cigarette and some angry sounding words you didn’t quite understand came from the guys in the front seat that you couldn’t quite see. “I don’t really know like, anyone there.”

Taemin glanced around the car, smiling and shrugging to himself as he took a drag, blowing it toward you. The smell was surprisingly comforting. He smirked and spoke for everyone. “We’ll be there.”

“Uh, yeah, okay, suite 215.” You rushed to get out before your voice failed you. You couldn’t believe you’d just done that, asked Lee Taemin, Mark Lee, and possibly Lucas Wong even to your hotel party? Your brain cursed you, but maybe it would be good.

“215?” You heard Mark ask out, smiling and typing something into his phone. “Hotel across the street? The one with the big green sign?”

You nodded, seeing him glance back with a shy smile. “Okay.” he said softly.

“Okay! Uh, I’ll see you there!” You blushed heavily under your makeup, thankful that it wasn’t visible. Taemin nodded again, taking a drag from his cigarette and rolling the window halfway up as the driver started to take off. You heard the people in the front seat grumble angrily and you heard Taemin’s laughter in response.

“See you!” Taemin shouted with a giggle, smirking between you and Mark, a gesture you’d try not to think too hard about, but in the moment,  it made you gulp just a little.

Your heart was racing and you breathed heavily, walking over to your rental car to try and come down from the wave of emotions flowing through you. “What the fuck did I just do?” You asked yourself, slipping into the drivers’ seat. It genuinely felt like you couldn’t breathe, but you had to remind yourself that they were just people, they were just as normal as you were when they were off the stage. It was fine.

And they were quite possibly coming to your party to see you, but part of you still thought that maybe they were just humoring you. At the same time, you knew about them and their antics, always ready to do something wild in America, it was their party/fun/drinking/go nuts country and it would make your whole entire life if you to possibly be a part of that. At least even if they did blow you off, you got the courage to ask them anyway, to talk to them, and they knew you existed, so that was fun knowledge to live with, at the base of it all. You would try to find a way not to be too crushed if they didn’t show.

You shook the whole way back to the hotel, unable to wipe the smile off of your face as you lit up your own cigarette. The adrenaline from the conversation had you beaming, excitement drilled deep beneath your bones and rattling your core in the best way.

You pulled into the hotel parking lot and practically ran up the stairs, shaking more as you opened the door, grinning too widely to even be considered normal. You got multiple stares from people you didn’t know, scanning across the crowd to find your friends but giving up when you couldn’t quite place them and deciding to dart into the bathroom to fix your makeup again, making sure that if they did actually show up, you actually looked okay. You quickly plucked your eyebrows like you set out to do in the first place when you left, fixing the eyebrow gel back into place with an angled brush. You wished you could stop smiling enough to properly look at yourself.

You hadn’t gotten ready for anyone like that in years, it felt like getting ready for a first date when you heard a knock at the bathroom door, heart pounding. “I’m in here!” You hollered, seeing Yeri slip into the door anyway and grinning at you briefly, stress slightly present on her features.

“You were out a while, everything okay?” She asked, seemingly extremely concerned when she saw how brightly your face was lit up. “Well I was worried, but you seem fine now.” Yeri laughed, shaking her head. “What happened at the store?” She questioned, raising a brow.

You bit your lip, almost scared to tell her as you tried to bite back your smile. “I just saw Taemin and Mark at Walgreens.” You sighed, running your fingers through your hair. Her eyebrows knitted together, completely in disbelief. She widened her eyes as she tried to take in what you said with silence. You shook your head in an excited nod, laughing to yourself as you finished getting ready and tucked your things back into your makeup bag. You walked out of the bathroom and made your way over to the beds. You tossed your wallet and keys into your suitcase and tucked the suitcase under the bed to make more room. You were so excited you couldn’t sit still.

“You’re actually joking right?” Yeri asked, shaking her head in disbelief.

“Nope.” you responded shortly, trying not to seem too pumped, but you couldn’t help it. You took a deep breath, touching up your lips. “They’re really nice.” You told her, biting the inside of your cheek and sighing to yourself. You could tell she was in shock. You took her hand and pulled her out into the sitting area again with you, heading straight to the drink table.

“You’re unbelievable.” Yeri scoffed in disbelief, smiling and having to yell over the music. “What happened?”

“Listen, I wouldn’t believe myself either.” You laughed, pouring two shots for the both of you to take, glancing over at the door and hoping you’d maybe see them slip in, but you wouldn’t get your hopes up too high just yet. You took a deep breath and held a finger up for her to hold on just a second, easily shooting back the glass, pouring yourself another for good luck. “I was in there getting tweezers and I told Mark I liked his shoes. I didn’t even know it was him!” You started, taking another breath and having to nearly pinch yourself to make sure that this was real. “Then Taemin stood and talked to me and embarrassed Mark.” Yeri kept shaking her head, still unable to wrap her head around the fact that you just so happened to run into them. Typical for you, really. You always got lucky.

“You’re the luckiest person in the world, you know that, right?” You laughed, shaking your head in agreement; maybe it was the break you needed, sighing happily. “Did you invite them to the fucking party at least?” You shrugged playfully as you quickly slipped away, trying to find Seulgi but only seeing her getting a little too close for comfort with a boy you’d never seen before.

To recuperate, you stepped out on the balcony, taking in the view of the city, shaking your head to yourself and feeling as if you were in a distant dream, biting your lip in disbelief. You wanted a cigarette so badly, but you decided against it. After you stood out there for what felt like hours but was only a few minutes, you walked back inside, joining the kitchen for a drinking game and looking around the room to see if anyone else had shown up, too excited to even find and talk to Seulgi about what happened, it felt like a proper conversation for later.

You had distracted yourself easily with the other party goers and their party games for a while, joining a game of two truths and a lie, song of karaoke, and a few other games you hadn’t heard of before, but you caught on relatively quickly to things in general, so the games were easy to get used to. It was only during an intense karaoke duo with Seulgi that you saw the door crack open, gulping when you looked over to see who had slipped in. Blonde hair was bright from where you were standing, followed by the other two you saw earlier, but they were now followed by Ten, who had the most blinding set of smiling teeth you’d seen in your entire life. They were brighter in person, you were amazed.

“Oh my god, they came.” You handed your mic off, walking over to greet them all. “Taemin!” you shouted, grinning widely. Taemin shot a smile right back at you, embracing you in a gentle hug, even if you’d just met. It was sweet.

“We brought someone else, I hope you didn’t mind.” You shook your head, not at all did you mind, even a little bit. Taemin easily spoke with you, grinning a gummy smile as he introduced his friends. “This is my boyfriend, Chittaphon, he wanted to party.” The short brunette rolled his eyes, smiling back at you with a handshake as well. Boyfriend? You were quite shocked, but tried not to focus on it too hard, they didn’t at all know that you knew who they were and had no idea that you’d be surprised, so clearly they felt comfortable enough with the mystery that you wouldn’t react strangely and you intended to keep it that way, figuring what they didn’t know wouldn’t hurt them. You’d probably never see them that close again. Were they always this trusting of strangers? Ten’s voice pulled you out of your own head.

“Call me Ten, like the number, it’s fine.” he grinned again, stepping further into the hotel room. “It’s nice to meet you! We haven’t been to a party in a while.”

Blue hair surprised you when a towering body stepped closer, handing you a bottle of wine with the cheesiest, biggest grin you’d ever seen. You were used to seeing his normal blonde and brunette shades online, but the color was a nice and surprising change. “I’m Yukhei!” He spoke loudly, but you didn’t expect any less. “But you can call me Lucas.” You had to snort, you knew exactly who they were, but their introductions still had you melting just a little and your legs shaking.

“Can I call you Yukhei?” you asked, teeth flashing and getting a quick nod and a “Yeah, of course!” before he walked off to join karaoke. You weren’t even a little bit surprised at his excitement. You’d definitely still call him Lucas, but the permission was nice.

You gasped quietly when you saw Mark get shoved over to you as you looked over at Lucas joining your friends’ friends, widening your eyes in mild shock as he tripped and nearly ran into you, trying to laugh it off when he stood back up properly. “Uh! Oh my god, oh my god I’m sorry!” He apologized, giving Taemin a stare down. It was clear that one of his friends had shoved him and you concluded it was Taemin. “Hi again! Uh! Mark!” he said loudly, bright pink cheeks shining through again. “You knew that though.” He scratched the back of his head, his nervousness making you giggle. “Yeah, I’m, uh, Mark.” He repeated, grinning brightly. It was adorable how he was acting; he’d introduced himself twice now and been introduced by Taemin once. You had a feeling something was up.

“I did.” You beamed, reintroducing yourself to the three of them. They all nodded, saying hello once more. You cleared your throat, heart beating hard again. You decided to break the silence and properly invite them to join the party. “So! The drinks are in the kitchen, we’ve got some games going on, obviously karaoke!” You could hear Lucas’s voice booming through the room at some Justin Bieber song, causing all four of you to laugh. “Make yourselves at home!” they all nodded as if completely in sync, but you were used to that, they were the kings of synchronization from what you’d seen.

“He’s such an idiot.” Ten laughed as he nudged Taemin, shaking his head at Lucas having the time of his life. “Drinks are in the kitchen, babe, come on.” Taemin’s blush was heavy on his cheeks too as he followed the smaller boy into the kitchen of the suite. They didn’t seem to be too shocked at the fanciness of the room you were staying in, so that was a mild relief and much different than how your friends reacted. You sighed to yourself, Mark still standing by your side and you shared a look, smiling over at him.

You could tell Mark was shying away and it worried you, so you looked away, trying to be friendly but not creepy. His friends had left him and of course you didn’t want him to be alone. You gently grabbed his arm, scanning the area for Yeri, easily spotting her amongst the crowd. “Come with me” You giggled, pulling him over to the corner of the room where a few drinking games were going on at the table, so you pulled up a chair for him and yourself, sitting next to your friend and smiling widely at her. She widened her eyes; looking over at Mark and seeing him shyly grab some cards. “I’ll grab us some drinks. What do you like?” You asked, seeing him think to himself for a moment, surprise in his eyes.

“Uh, beer is fine. Got anything good?” He asked, nervous smile playing on his face as he looked through his hand of cards.

“Absolutely.” You stood back up and walked over to the kitchen where you saw Ten and Taemin lightly conversing with other people you didn’t recognize. You nudged Taemin’s side to get his attention. Yeri and Seulgi had filled up the cooler while you were getting ready, you truly had no idea what was there but you were sure you could find something worthy. “What does Mark like?” You asked, grabbing yourself a fancy looking beer from the fridge and easily popped the top.

“We think he likes you, but if you’re talking about alcohol,” Ten answered for him, flashing a mischievous grin. “Just get him anything.” He responded, taking a sip from his own red cup. You were trying to find a way to respond before he threw out an “actually,” as he walked over to the fridge to grab a bottle specifically for Mark. “Oh, yes this is perfect.” You processed what he said, blushing heavily at his comment. You shook your head and played it off as another mild joke, assuming they were just kidding because, from what you assumed about yourself and your luck with relationships, Mark should have no interest in you. It seemed a little far-fetched in your experience. “By the way, you’re not, like, dating anyone are you?” Ten asked with a raised brow, Taemin offering the same interest in knowing.

The question hit you like a ton of bricks. “Uh, n-no, not at the moment?” You didn’t understand their interest, but you weren’t going to question it at risk of embarrassment. You knew the pair separately were capable of being intense and you had no clue if them together would be worse, so you definitely didn’t want to ask.

“Nice.” Taemin nodded, a slight shrug making Ten giggle again.

Their comment made you nervous to go back over to the table and confusion hit you. Maybe they weren’t just joking. Maybe you did have a chance and there was a reason he was there that night with you and his friends. You weren’t sure what it was, but you trusted their judgment better than your own and took a deep breath as Ten handed you the opened bottle. “Give him this for me, tell him I picked it out special.” He winked cutely, giggling and returning back to Taemin’s side. It was only still slightly shocking that they were together, but you had no room to judge. You didn’t know anything about the idols’ personal lives, so you just kept your own mouth shut and attempted to enjoy yourself. “Good luck.” Ten smirked and you realized just how silent you had become. That wasn’t exactly normal for you.

“Thank you.” You laughed shyly, glancing over at Taemin who was all smiles, entertaining himself with the other party guests around. It was nice to see them in a normal setting like that. It felt empowering to put them in a position to have fun and you were thankful there wasn’t an issue of them being the centers of attention. It seemed to be going well so far. “I-I’ll see you guys later.” They both nodded at you, waving you off to go back to the table.

“Go get your boy.” Ten teased, giggling to himself as you made your way with hot cheeks back to Mark, who already had two empty shot glasses in front of him.

You tried to shake the commentary from your head and seem normal. You took a breath and sat down. Maybe you needed a shot for yourself. “Someone got started already, I see.” You laughed, shaking your head. “Are you even old enough to drink?” You raised a brow, seeing him shy down again. You could use your knowledge to your advantage at that point, making a bold move to call him out. You were sure it wouldn’t be suspicious to mention it.

“Uh, well, not in America because, um, you guys hate fun.” He joked with a shrug, making you snort. You knew America had one of the strictest policies on drinking and the drinking age was outrageously old compared to other places around the world. He wasn’t exactly wrong. “I’m allowed at home.” He offered up, smiling softly as his embarrassment returned.

“How old are you?” You asked, biting your lip. It was a question you easily already knew the answer to.

“I’m, uh, I’m twenty. Twenty, yeah.” He nodded, looking over at you with a mildly worried look, but when you nodded back, he seemed to relax.

“Yeah, definitely not old enough to drink yet.” You teased, earning a small joking groan in response. “But I am, so it’s fine.” You laughed, not quite wanting to reveal your age yet, but he didn’t ask so you didn’t tell. You were only a few years older than the boy in question, but it didn’t seem like a problem. He didn’t pry any further, happily accepting the bottle. “I won’t say anything. I’m kind of breaking laws even giving it to minors, but sometimes we’ve got to bend rules.” You bit your lip, not knowing where your sudden burst of playfulness came from. You got a soft smile in response, seeing him take a small drink and you followed behind him with a sip of your own. “Good?” You asked, only feeling a slight concern when he didn’t say anything about it.

He gathered his words. “Yeah actually, it’s my favorite beer.” He beamed, glancing back down at his bottle and fiddling with the label. “How’d you know?” He raised a brow for just a second, playing his turn in the game once he turned his attention back to it. You were too fixated on him versus the game to even realize what you were playing, so you decided to opt out for the round. “We don’t have this kind back at home.”

“Your friend Ten got it for you, he said tell you he picked it out special.” You earned a snort in response.

“He’s so dumb.” Mark said quietly, finishing his turn and turning his attention back to you. “So, are you from here?” He asked, looking around. “I’m assuming not since you’re, like, renting a hotel and all.” He laughed; you could tell he was still nervous, maybe worried about going too far. You sighed, biting your lip in thought.

“I actually am from here,” You emphasized. “But I live in LA as of right now.” You told him, shrugging. “I fly everywhere for business, but I-” You stopped yourself, knowing it wasn’t exactly the best time to expose yourself as to the reason you were there. You’d get into that another time. “I- I came to visit my friends. Came to see the town, yeah.” The lie came out easier than you’d expected.

“Ah, business?” He asked for a little insight, taking another sip from his beer and turning himself to you with open ears. You felt the need to go on.

“So,” You started with a grin, getting Mark’s full attention. “I own a small restaurant franchise,” You went on to say. “I’ve opened a few stores across California, but I took a little break to come and visit, get a little vacation, you know?” You lied effortlessly, almost too easily and seeing Yeri give you a weird look, listening in on your conversation. You assumed she’d been listening longer than you’d noticed and made no commentary on the fact that there were four idols standing in your hotel room. You checked your phone; glancing over to see your friend rapidly typing to send a message that you assumed was to you. You continued as she was preoccupied. You were used to talking about yourself, so it came easy. “I’ve gotten pretty popular in California and we’re looking to branch out.” You got your answer when you felt your phone vibrate in your hand.

are you pretending you don’t know who THE MARK LEE is??

You tried not to laugh.

uh. yep

Your first mistake. You responded quickly and tucked your phone back into your pocket. Maybe it wasn’t the best idea, but you could have the night to yourself, right? Just pretending for a day wouldn’t be so bad. You reminded yourself that you’d probably never see them again. You wanted to have the moment without ruining it with your interests and it seemed to be working. It was almost like a real date, if you’d call it that.

“So, you’re famous on the low, huh?” You snorted at him, his doe eyes looking for an answer, mild amusement played on his face. “Celebrity chef type thing? You seem so young though!”

You snorted at the comment. “Something like that.” You pursed your lips, catching his eyes again and feeling completely enthralled by his interest in you. You couldn’t believe this was happening, continuing to talk about yourself. It was usually a bad habit, but Mark seemed more interested than anyone else ever had. “I don’t cook all the food now, but when we first started I did. I worked my way up from my kitchen at home.” You joked, grinning widely. “Gotten kind of famous for it, yeah. Started really early.” You shrugged back, playing it off as if it was no big deal.

“Well, I kinda get that. I, um, used to dance in my room and rap to everything I heard on the radio, so I guess I could relate.” He blushed again, feeling a shy that he’d compared the two of you, but you didn’t mind. He seemed to be mildly bothered by it, but you tried to assure him it was okay by giving him your undivided attention. “And now I never stop working, and like its fun stuff and it’s just busy work and all, but hey, we’re, like, getting a big break here in America, so I can’t be too upset you know?” You could tell he felt like he was over-sharing and you wanted to let him know you were fine with him continuing, but you didn’t want to pry as well.

“So, you became a big-shot really young too huh?” You joked, seeing his nervousness break. You knew the answer. “Worked your way from the bottom up? Do all your childhood friends kind of hate you too?” That was something you didn’t talk about often and it felt kind of odd that those words fell out of your mouth, you weren’t sure why you said that. You were reminded how Yeri acted and spoke about your success and felt weird mentioning it especially when she was right there, paying attention to the stack of cards in her hand.

He chuckled softly. “No, not quite. I didn’t even tell them I was leaving.” You knew that. “I auditioned for an entertainment company and just flew over and didn’t tell, like, literally anybody. I didn’t know how to!” He shrugged, putting his attention back at the game when you heard Yeri say his name and get his attention. You felt only a little bad for distracting him, but he didn’t seem to mind too much. “Get this. I, um, so I ended up living in Korea without telling anyone but my family, right? And I’ve been there ever since. So, I, um, get a call a couple years later.” You heard him break for laughter. “They all thought I was dead or something! They watched a music video and there I was.” You both shared a laugh, not really sure what to say next because you were interrupted by another reminder of his turn in the game.

Mark finished his round, turning back toward you and finishing off his beer. He grinned over at you again.

“I’ll grab you another drink.” You told him, gently tapping your fingers on his shoulder when you stood up to go back to the fridge. The room had gotten significantly louder, so it was slightly harder to talk to him, but the energy stayed between the two of you.

Taemin and Ten had eventually made their way out of the kitchen and were now extremely focused in karaoke together, lighting up the room with their voices in a duet of All I Want For Christmas Is You and it seemed like the most romantic thing you’d ever seen, captivated by their energy. You sighed happily, so glad they were actually spending their time focused on doing something that made them happy outside of work. Maybe it’s exactly what they needed, just some time to be themselves. You popped the top on another bottle of the same beer and made your way back to the table, handing Mark the new one and downing your own next to him. It almost surprised you to actually be enjoying his company outside of idolizing him and he seemed so similar to his media presentation. He was great, you thought, but you definitely needed another drink. You grabbed a liquor bottle from the end of the table and took one of Mark’s shot glasses, pouring yourself a shot and getting an eyebrow raise from him.

“Someone can handle their alcohol.” He joked, leaning his body just a little bit closer to you and it felt like electricity flowed through your veins as he had his shoulder touching yours even from his chair.

“I don’t do this often.” You reminded him, earning a huge grin.

“Because of business?” He asked, teeth shining.

“Because of business. “You nodded, playing along with his laughter and smiling at the fact that he was so willing to openly have these conversations with you. It felt good, refreshing even.

The night went on like that, soft conversations filling the room as he asked about your history and about the business life. He earned a good explanation, filling his mind with information you were slightly too embarrassed to tell anyone else who would think you were hoity-toity high maintenance even though you worked hard for everything you had or did. You felt comfortable telling Mark things about you when you didn’t feel so comfortable telling the people you knew growing up. You were on a more even playing field than you thought you ever would be with an idol like that and nobody you’d known could really understand where you were at in life like Mark seemed to easily drink in. It was more than just nice.

You continually drank throughout the night, tossing back shots with Mark and some with Lucas once he joined the table, excited to be reunited with his friends after some extreme karaoke that felt like it went on for hours. For a while he had refused to leave the mic, nobody threatening him or bothered by his intense participation. Lucas was much more fun than even you knew, his enjoyable presence definitely not affected whether public or not, so he was a complete blast to be around. Taemin and Ten seemed to be having a blast chatting up a storm with Yeri and Seulgi’s friends, shockingly speaking a bit to the two of them and making friends with them as well. Yeri couldn’t believe how easily you avoided the truth, having to join in on the fake reality of exactly who was at their party, so she clearly had caught Seulgi up to speed, but Seulgi hadn’t been too into the interest of the boys herself, so it was less of an issue for her. Maybe that was for the better. At least one of you could feel normal.

Mark clung to your side all night, following you to the final few hours of the gathering. Never Ever Have I Ever was the last game on your list, and as intoxicated as you were, it felt like there was no need to stop, you never had a problem before with your alcohol intake, it usually was fine in passing.

The last of the liquor was mostly tequila and vodka, shying away from the latter because of the headache it gave you, but tequila seemed to be fine. It felt like a fair game, Mark didn’t look so sure for you to be drinking so much, seemingly only slightly drunk and red from the decent amount of shots he’d taken and the beers you had given him.

You all sat around in a circle, most of the partygoers had faded away and gone home except for the four boys, you, your friends, and a few more people you didn’t get to know the names of. Ten decided to start off, pouring his six shots in front of him and getting himself ready to play. He handed the bottle to Taemin for him to do the same as he started gathering his own questions and everyone else filled their glasses up. He waited patiently for the last shots to be poured, which happened to be Lucas’s.

“Let’s get this party started!” Lucas shouted after the last shot was poured, giggling to himself at his joke and making Mark, who was currently pressed up against your side with his hands in his own lap, snort. Your body felt warm next to his, but you didn’t mind.

Ten started. “Never ever have I ever kissed a celebrity.” He grinned to himself, looking over at Taemin, who went ahead and took a shot, following along with Lucas. Ten grinned widely, taking a shot for himself, but still enjoying making Taemin’s blush evident on his own cheeks.

You bit your lip and debated on if you were fully prepared to take a shot. You’d kissed lower key celebrities who seemed to only be interested in your business and not you, so you weren’t even sure if you wanted to count it, so you held off, the room consumed by the energy between your new “friends.”

“You wanna play dirty?” Taemin giggled, shaking his head. “Never ever have I ever snuck into someone’s house at night when everybody but them was sleeping.”

“Fuck off!” Ten took another shot, laughing and you looked over to see Yeri take a shot as well. She glanced over at you, giggling. The confession had you slightly shocked, but not too surprised.

“You guys are weird.” You said softly, seeing Mark smile and gently slide his arm closer to your leg, but you were sure it was just a coincidence.

Lucas went next. “Never ever have I ever wanted to kiss someone I just met?” He looked over at you and Mark, causing you to shy away. Kissing Mark didn’t seem so bad right then, you didn’t feel the need to lie then.

You hesitated for a moment, biting your lip and avoiding Mark’s gaze. You took a shot and saw him go for his glasses as well, pouring one back and deciding to return to that question at a later date for interrogation, you’d just live your fantasy and hope it was you he was thinking about. Maybe you’d never find out.

Someone you didn’t quite recognize in the circle spoke up. “Never ever have I fallen asleep watching porn?” The unnamed boy grinned, watching everyone else in the circle take a shot. You looked over at Mark, who had a soft embarrassed smile on his face as you both took a shot together. He laughed; feeling less alone when he saw everyone had also taken one except the boy who said it.

“Okay! Never ever have I ever have I ever slept in a bed with more than five people!” You heard Yeri’s sweet voice say, staring over at you and you put your head in your hands momentarily, looking up and seeing all four of the boys look over at you as you took a shot, hoping you would dig deeper.

“Alright you have to explain that one, I genuinely don’t believe it’s what it sounds like.” Taemin spoke up; hearing Yeri laughing loudly and you were suddenly feeling shier than you had the whole night. It was a simple explanation, really. It just sounded odd.

You groaned, trying to get a start on the story. “Alright, so when I was in a financing class in university, we had a trip to visit Chicago and I brought my friend Irene, who is actually now my assistant, and happened to be my tag along to help with money and everything since she was in the business program with me.” You were used to over-explaining sometimes. Mark was looking over at you, a small smile played on his face and ready for your answer. “We had a California King bed, big enough to fit five people in, but just barely. We were supposed to all split up and go pick up some air mattresses, but after we had some drinks, everyone decided we could all fit in one bed. I knew everyone there, we all just decided to sleep in that bed together to save time and effort and money. First rule of finances is don’t spend money where it doesn’t make money!” You explained, earning laughter from everyone. “So, I promise it isn’t as bad as it sounds, we were just being economical. All clothes on, no funny business. Promise.” You finished with a snort. Your technical side had taken over and you felt slightly embarrassed about your serious explanation, but not about the situation.

Taemin spoke up, shaking his head. “Baekhyun, one of our other friends,” He started, your chest pounding at the mention of him. In the moment, you had forgotten that they were even idols and that they knew Baekhyun. They were so normal and fun, and you’d gotten used to it, so it surprised you to hear his name in a setting of them being his friend versus hearing about him online. “He said when they first started their group, they had twelve people in their dorms, right?” You knew that fact very well, pushing it to the back of your mind. “They were always so tired that they showered together. Sometimes six members at a time.” Ten widened his mouth in surprise, looking over at his boyfriend in shock that he’d never heard that story before.

“I mean hey, sometimes time gets crazy and you’re just too tired to do everything one by one, ya know!” Mark shrugged with a nervous laugh as he explained, looking over at you. He just looked so beautiful, why hadn’t you noticed that before? Big brown eyes turning you to mush and you were sure it was just the fact that you’d just downed three shots along with all the other liquor in your system from the night. Either way, Mark was absolutely beautiful in the dim lighting of the room and it almost killed you not to be able to kiss him right there. He looked so enticing and you could tell you had to be on your last bit of alcohol for the night, you weren’t sure how much else you could handle.

“Baek-hyung has been through a lot with his group. Bless his heart.” Lucas spoke up. He earned a nod from the two other boys, taking a chug of the water next to him. Lucas shrugged and sat back, enjoying the atmosphere since the party had died down, it was actually very relaxing, you had to admit.

“Okay then, never ever have I showered with someone.” Mark spoke up, laughing when he saw Taemin and Ten take a shot, more surprised when he saw you also take a shot. You didn’t have to mention that you’d only actually showered in a stall with Seulgi at the beach some odd years ago, wearing swim clothes, but technically it counted for the game. He wasn’t going to ask, you could tell, but you could see that he was feeling slightly surprised when he looked down to see that you had the least shots left. You breathed heavily, choking a little at the burn in your throat. “You feeling okay?” He asked, gently snaking his arm around your waist and it felt like you were on fire, feeling the burn in your throat and maybe you didn’t feel so good anymore. You swallowed thickly, putting your head down just a little bit to try and to retain your focus.

“I don’t know,” You responded, looking over at Mark. His chest looked relatively comfortable at the moment, opting to lean over to lay your head into it, his open arms welcoming you warmly. You sighed, apologizing. “I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have had so much to drink.” You tried to laugh, closing your eyes and feeling the room spin behind your lids. You groaned a little, hearing everyone continue the game on. “You guys can go on without me.” You told them, hearing them continue on and listening to Yeri remind them repeatedly that you were fine. Mark seemed a little more worried though, moving your shot glasses out of the way and letting you fully relax into him, his arm then around your shoulder and it would’ve been much more romantic and exciting if you weren’t way past your limit and trying to stay upright.

The last thing you remember from that game is mumbled voices and Mark’s soft voice telling you “Hey if you need something let me know, I’ve got you.” You were glad you’d made a decent impression on him because you weren’t sure how you would’ve made it through the night without laying your head on his chest for what felt like an eternity, barely coherent. The liquor hit you hard.

You only vaguely remember Mark walking you to your bed, laying down with you, and nodding off next to him with his arm around your shoulder. What you didn’t expect was waking up on the floor of the bathroom with your head in his lap and his fingers tangled in your hair with you comfortably changed into one of your own oversized t-shirts and sleep shorts. That one was a pretty big shocker.

-

He was warm, firm torso and lap much more comfortable than it should’ve been as you sat on the cold bathroom floor. You brought yourself to consciousness, trying to remember what exactly happened that night to where you ended up inebriated with someone who was basically a stranger. It took you a moment to look up, chest beating rapidly but from the reality of waking up next to someone you idolized, only recognizing him because you vividly remembered his tattered jeans and there was no way that it could’ve been any other boy, you were sure. You looked up, seeing his sleeping face made your stomach sink. How did you end up like that?

You sat up, thankful that you were decently clothed, wondering when exactly you put on a shirt in a hotel room that didn't exactly have the most private spot to change. You bit your lip, trying to stand up as the two of you were wedged between the toilet and the tub, so it wasn’t exactly the easiest task. You sighed, pulling your hair up and out of your face, almost terrified to wake him. You scooted over the clean bathroom floor and wound up on a towel, trying to take a breath and figure out the best way to handle the situation. Did he have anything else to do that day? Was anyone else he was with in the actual hotel room? Did you possibly have half of a boy group in your hotel room at the time? You didn't have any answers and it terrified you because you always had answers.

You checked your phone, quickly seeing the time and the low battery notification that you chose to ignore. The bathroom door was shut, so the two of you were together unbothered by anyone else. It was just you, Mark, the toilet, and the bathtub and you wondered again how the hell you had gotten into that situation. Was it fate? Stupidity? Probably the latter. You sighed again. 11:13 AM. Someone had to be worried about him, right? Had you affected his career by sitting there and choosing not to wake him up? Was waiting going to make it any worse? Did he know you'd be worried about that kind of thing? The questions flew through your brain faster than a jet-plane and you were scared. The last thing you really remembered was quitting the game and nothing after that.

You scooted over, gently nudging his snoring body and getting no response. You groaned quietly, seeing his eyes flutter open and you swallowed thickly. "Mark?" You questioned, seeing the light smile on his face with furrowed sleepy eyebrows.

"Good morning." Mark spoke, voice barely above a whisper in a gravelly tone. You let out a sigh of relief, unable to stop yourself from smiling softly, you could tell he wasn't quite coherent. Maybe he didn't know where he was.

"Uh, hi." You said softly, seeing him grin and brighten up the entire room. "Sleep okay?" You asked jokingly, biting your lip and almost feeling horrible that maybe it was your fault he was staying here. Did you force him? Did he feel obligated? The questions gnawed at your stomach, but he didn’t seem upset judging by the dopey smile splayed on his face.

"Surprisingly, yeah." He laughed, wiping his eyes to try and fully wake himself up. You crossed your legs, tugging your shirt over your lap out of habit. You sighed of relief, giggling at his yawn before you could stop yourself. "This floor is much more comfortable than it looks." You earned a laugh, shaking your head and trying to stand up and assist him to his feet as well. He grabbed your hand, letting you pull him up. It felt like the first touch and it made your stomach flutter. "Uh, did you sleep well?" He asked, scratching the back of his head.

"Yeah, I-I did." You nodded, smiling softly. You swallowed, looking at him and seeing his cheeks turn pink. He was still fully clothed, so you shouldn't have been too worried, but it didn’t ease your anxiety. "Did I like-" you paused, nervously laughing just a little. "I think I blacked out, is that right?" You asked, scratching the back of your own head in embarrassment.

"I mean, you threw up after the game." He said without a bother, smiling nervously as well. "So, I came to the bathroom to check on you because your friends were busy." He looked a little too embarrassed to explain that part, but if you knew your friends and you didn't want to dive deeper. You had to apologize and fast.

"Okay, oh my god I am so sorry I-" He interrupted you.

"No, no, no, nah it's really fine, don't sweat it." He laughed, shaking his head. “We, uh, laid in your bed for about a minute before you got up and, like, ran to the bathroom. I came in with you and held your hair. Then you, uh, threw up some more, got up, cleaned the bathroom. Smelled like bleach for a while." He was laughing a little more, causing your cheeks to get hot.

"Oh my god."  You could hear him giggling, but you couldn’t help but to laugh nervously yourself, hiding your head in your hands. It sounded like an absolutely you thing to do. He continued.

"Oh, uh, I'm not finished." He laughed, grinning up at your concerned face. He paused for another yawn. "So like, you got up and went outside to smoke with Taemin, decided to try to braid his hair because you couldn't see his face, that didn’t work out too well," You had to snort at that because it seemed overwhelmingly accurate. "Then you pulled me back in the bathroom, locked the door, and proceeded to throw up some more, so I was on watch duty to make sure that you didn't die." You both shared another laugh, seeing him stuff his hands into his pockets. The smile didn't leave his face. “The guys left just a while after that. Said they’d cover for me if they had to.” You were silent for a moment, taking in the information he was giving you. You were in disbelief despite your laughter.

"I am... so sorry." You said bluntly, shaking your head and feeling more embarrassed than you had in your entire life. "Oh my god I shouldn't have done that, I shouldn't have drank so much." You cursed yourself inside of your head as well. "I can't believe you had to see that, I'm sure you have places to be and people to see oh my god," You rambled on, shaking your head and pacing between the few bathroom tiles you stood on. "You've probably got schedules and everything I-" You were stopped by his hands on your shoulders for comfort, but they just made you feel more scared, blinking at him and finally shutting up.

"Hey, I told you it's really fine." He grinned, trying to calm you down. "I didn't mind, I really didn't. It was everyone's idea, not just yours." He moved his hands, putting them back by his sides. "You didn't force me." You bit your lip. "I promise. It was uh- fun." He giggled again, blush returning to his face. "I wanted to." He sighed softly and it almost broke you.

You sighed, looking back up at him apologetically, sincerity in your eyes and it almost hurt you to have pretended to not know who he was, and you didn't understand why he was being so nice. He didn't even know you. You had to ask, "Why did you stay?" You bit your lip, seeing him bite back a smile as well, looking at the floor out of shyness.

"Because you asked me to." The two of you erupted into soft laughter, in complete disbelief and it felt like your brain was swimming. Of course, you had asked him to stay, but the shocking part was that he did. You were both cut short of your recollection of last night by ferocious knocking on the door and rattling of the knob, but maybe it was for the best.

"Okay fucker open the door, I have to piss." Yeri always had a way with words, making you roll your eyes.

"Is she always that aggressive?" Mark asked quietly, scooting closer to you for protection as you walked over to the door to unlock it.

"Always." You whispered back with a nod, opening the door ever so slightly to see her annoyed sleepy face as she bounced, waiting to be able to come in. She pushed it open when she saw you, stepping in and wiping her eyes until she could properly see that it wasn't just you in the bathroom. You swallowed.

She got a view of Mark and her eyes went wide, seeing the fear in his face made her shy down just a bit in order not to scare the boy. "What.. the fuck?" She asked softly, shaking her head and sighing to herself. She knew just as well as you did that it was going to cause some trouble, but you'd return to yet another thing at a later time. "Just. Get out." she told the two of you. Yeri was known for not caring about being polite in the morning and she didn’t care who was around.

You both stepped out, looking at each other and letting out another laugh as she slammed the door behind you.

"God, I'm so sorry, she's really grumpy in the morning." You warned, shaking your head and almost feeling more embarrassed that your friend had been so rude to someone she didn't really know, let alone Mark Lee, but he didn't seem at all bothered.

He shook his head, smiling widely again. "Stop apologizing! For real, it's fine!" He assured you, stuffing his hands into his pockets again. You wondered why he hadn't just gone ahead and left yet, but maybe the universe was giving you a sign to grab ahold of the opportunity presented in front of you. Mark Lee was in your hotel room. Mark Lee had held your hair as you vomited. Mark Lee and his friends that just so happened to be Lee Taemin, Ten Lee, and Lucas Wong seemed to enjoy your company; Mark Lee willingly slept sitting up on a bathroom floor with you because you drunkenly asked him to. You locked Mark Lee in said bathroom. Yet he was still standing there with you. You swallowed again, feeling your palms get sweaty in the silence, so the next words fell out of your mouth before you could stop them.

"I have a new pack of toothbrushes if you want to brush your teeth." He snorted out a laugh at that, then smiled brightly again.

"Uh, yeah, that would be, uh, great actually." He nodded. “I love brushing my teeth.” You held back a laugh because he was genuinely so shy and awkward, but he sighed in disappointment in himself for acting weird, shaking his head. “I-I mean- “He made you giggle. “I participate regularly in brushing my teeth and would definitely appreciate a toothbrush.” You nodded, giggling even more at his wording. You’d seen interviews of him like this, but it was new level to hear it in person.

“I guess teeth brushing can be a good hobby.” You beamed back, cheeks almost aching from the grin plastered on your face as you dug through your bag on the counter where the bathroom sinks were. You grabbed yourself a fresh toothbrush along with one for him. “Good to know you’ve got great hygiene for a guy who slept near a toilet with me.” You joked, almost feeling bad for reminding him of it yet again.

“Hey now, you asked, it wasn’t my idea.” You put toothpaste on his toothbrush and got your own, turning on the sink and for some reason you were surprised when he joined you at it.

You stood together, looking in the mirror at two dumbly smiling, teeth brushing faces by the sink and it almost looked too good to be true. It felt like a dream because there was no way this was happening to you. You couldn't believe it and when you were both clean with fresh breath, he bit his lip and looked at you, resembling a lost puppy. He sighed and you could see sadness play on his face.

"I guess it's time for me to go." He said, fiddling with his own fingers. You swallowed, wanting to tell him so badly to stay, but you had a feeling that he needed to leave as much as you didn't at all want him to. It felt like your dream was over and you opened your mouth to say something until he spoke up again. "I-I had a uh, really good time last night. Awesome party." He said nervously and you couldn’t help but flash a cheesy smile at him.

"I did too." Your voice was quieter than you hoped it would be. "It was really nice meeting you." You reminded him, getting a breathy nervous soft giggle in response.

"I'll see you later? Come to the concert? I mean I might not see you then, but just in case!" He laughed even more nervously, scratching at the back of his head and looking at the floor. You could tell he felt dumb for saying that, but it was genuinely enjoyable to see him fumble with his words.

"I'll try my best." You lied through your teeth, getting a nod back. He backed away slowly toward the door, sighing and still trying to keep his eyes on you as if the last thing he wanted to do was leave.

Yeri nearly ruined the moment when she busted out of the bathroom, fully showered and much more awake in the white hotel robe. You both shot her a look of fear, seeing her shake her head and make her way back to her chosen bed. Mark raised his eyebrows, looking at you and the snort that came out of your mouth almost hurt, causing him to laugh again. It felt like the two of you didn't even need to talk, the simple silences filling the holes in the conversation with more than any words could say.

He made his way toward the door, feet moving before you could stop them and walked behind him to give a final goodbye. He turned back to look at you, opening his arms and slinking them around your waist to give you the gentlest hug you'd received in forever. It felt like the most comforting embrace you'd ever had, eyes closing and wrapping your arms around his shoulders before you could stop yourself. You held like that for a moment, finally pulling away felt dreadful, inches away from his face when he told you to call him sometime.

And like that he was gone, the door shutting echoed in your head for moments after that, staring blankly at the hotel door with regret aching in your bones. You almost felt like crying, in disbelief at what had just happened. It felt worse than a breakup ever did. You slinked your way over to the open area of the room, Seulgi still sleeping in the bed you claimed as yours, but you couldn't really be bothered to be worried about that at the moment. You took a deep breath and plunged face first into the bed that Yeri was sitting on the edge of and you heard her sigh in annoyance.

"Did you seriously fuck Mark Lee last night in the same hotel room as us?" She questioned and you gasped, widening your eyes and looking over at her. "We've had a pact since we were 14 that nobody would ever fuck at the same place as the other, so like-" You interrupted her, in complete shock.

"What?!" You exclaimed, feeling your chest get heavy and your entire body flush, terrified that something that extreme that you didn't remember happened. "I-I don't think so!" You quickly responded, sitting up and trying to think on if you could even remember anything even remotely close to that happening, but you genuinely couldn't remember a thing Mark had told you about anyway.

"Okay good because I was worried there for a second when you locked the door and-" Yeri continued, making you roll your eyes because her wording had worried you for absolutely no reason at all. You groaned.

"You just fucking scared me, I thought you meant you knew that we fucked." You sighed in relief, throwing your face into the pillow. You heard her snort, she loved playing games with you.

"Yeah no, you definitely didn't fuck anyone with all the puking you did." You heard Seulgi's mumbled voice, tired and eyes still closed as she clutched the hotel pillow in her arms. "I was sober by the time everyone left, and I really doubt he would've had sex with someone wasted. Doesn’t seem like the type." It was amazing how someone as asleep looking as she was still able to attempt to have full conversations, but you were thankful for it at the time.

"I'm glad my sex life has finally become the topic of conversation in the million years of friendship." You sighed, turning over to face the ceiling and clutching a pillow to your chest as well. "God, what did I get myself into?" You asked hypothetically.

"Not Mark Lee's pants." Yeri snorted as she applied her moisturizer, earning a pillow being thrown harshly at her from Seulgi. "Okay I deserved that. But like, how did you end up with Taemin from SHINee, Ten, Mark and Lucas from NCT in our hotel room, and not manage to get a single EXO member in here? Fucking tragic." Yeri joked further, smiling over at you and she could see the annoyance and regret in your face. You groaned louder, turning over and shoving your face into yet another pillow.

"Let's not forget I just threw up in front of and locked Mark Lee in a bathroom with me." The pillow muffled your words, but thankfully your friends understood, Yeri coming closer to you to rest a hand on your shoulder as you felt Seulgi sit at the edge of the bed by your feet, her hand resting on your leg. You sighed again into the pillow. "I probably just embarrassed myself and I'll just be ‘the one who vomited’ to him forever." You frowned, turning over to sit up and look at the two of them. "I probably ruined his life or got him in trouble or something."

"Well does he still not know he's your bias?" Yeri teased, earning a glare from the two of you. She pouted. "Sorry, bad timing." She frowned before returning to do her makeup in the hand mirror.

"No, but we brushed our teeth together." You smiled a bit, seeing both of their jaws drop and not understanding why. "What?" You asked with a scoff.

Seulgi sat up quickly and looked over at you. "Dude, you have to go after him." She told you, ushering you on and you still didn't quite get what the deal was.

"Why?"

"Because if he stayed long enough to brush his teeth then that means he didn't want to leave in the first place!" Seulgi explained. “Duh!”

"Yeah, duh, you dumbass, go after him!" Yeri turned back and shoved you. "Did you even get his number?" You frowned, putting your face in your hands again when frustration set in. Of course, you didn't.

"No." You took a deep breath, leaning back into the headboard and filling yourself with more regret. "But he fucking asked me to go to the concert tonight and-“ The two of them scooted closer, waiting for you to continue. "I.. may have floor tickets. Very close ones..” The two gasped, both screaming and slapping your legs, something you all often did as teenagers when something exciting happened, but it was just painful in the moment. “I didn’t want to tell you guys!”

“You ass! I got first row of the second floor and you decided to wait until now to tell me you had floor?” Yeri was still fussing when you heard your phone ring from the bathroom. You completely forgot that it was in there and it was rare that you forgot your phone even existed, usually glued to your hand for work. Fuck, it probably was work, just your luck. You were surprised that you’d been so easily distracted enough to not be worried about your job. It always was work calling, so of course you assumed the worst. Seulgi quickly darted to the bathroom before you could even stand up, grabbing it and a scream came from the room, surprising both you and Yeri and forcing the two of you to run to the source.

"Do you know this number?" Seulgi asked, grinning excitedly as she shoved the phone into your hands to see an area code you didn’t quite recognize. You swallowed, blinking rapidly as you fumbled to figure out what to do, swiping the ANSWER button and holding the phone to your ear. You wanted to throw up yet again.

"H-Hello?" You started, hearing a gasp come from the line and seeing your friends ushering you silently to put it on speaker. You obviously ignored them.

"Hey, uh," The voice started, and it almost felt like you could cry. It sounded like Mark, but you could only hope. "I-it's me." You were going to be sick. He continued and you stayed silent, heart pounding heavily as he spoke. There was no way this was happening. "It's Mark, I, uh, kinda asked you for your number last night and, um, I wanted to try it to see if you didn't give me a bogus number or like couldn’t remember if it was right or something I guess?" You heard a laugh, biting your lip and letting him continue, not even sure what to say if you tried to say anything at all. "I'm sorry for calling so soon I just-I kinda had to know." You heard another nervous chuckle come from him, reminding yourself that maybe you should respond.

"H-hey!" You tried to speak up. You couldn't believe he'd asked for your number, but you were thankful to God that he did. "Yeah, um it's me, it's the right number, hi." You laughed, almost feeling tears well up in your eyes. You couldn't believe it was happening, maybe you didn't let him slip through your fingers. Maybe it was your chance and you didn't miss it. "How are you?" Your face hurt again from smiling so hard.

"I'm fine, I'm, um, being asked how you're doing so I had to check in, uh, Taemin picked me up and is driving us to the venue because our managers were mad that we, uh, all kinda ditched some important meetings this morning. Thankfully our hotel is pretty close!" You could hear laughter in the background, feeling quite honored that they'd already cared about you enough to check up, but also felt slightly guilty that you caused them trouble. "But I guess I just- um, wanted to make sure you were alright?"

"I should be asking you that." You said shyly, giggling into the phone. "I made you sleep on the floor in the bathroom last night." You heard him laugh softly, biting your own lip. “Next to a toilet.” You put your head in your hands. Why had you mentioned that? Of course, he knew what happened.

"Hey now, I told you it was fine. It’s still fine." He reminded you and you sighed in relief, stomach still in knots from the fact that not only had you spent the night with Mark, but now you had his number and he was the one calling you, your luck was astounding and you had to bring yourself into focus to see your friends mouthing to tell you to say and ask various things, one of which caught your attention and you actually had to know the answer to, not just speculation.

"Hey, can I- ask you something?" You took a breath.

"Yeah, yeah, uh, sure. What's up?" He spoke nervously, you could hear it through the line.

"Did we like- do anything last night? Like, you know-" You started, quickly stopping when you heard him start to speak.  

"What?" You heard him choke, clearing his throat and letting out a shy embarrassed laugher, quickly answering you question. "Uh, no, no I promise, we didn't, um.." He laughed again. "I just took care of you is all, I, uh, didn't even think about it, it was-it was all innocent I promise, I-" You giggled, cutting him off, his embarrassment taking over and giving you a little more confidence.

"Well, not to say good, but I'm glad at least." You bit your lip, letting out a soft sigh of relief through your nose but you almost felt bad for embarrassing him so horribly. You saw your friends thank god and return to their positions on the bed, patiently waiting for you to finish your conversation and return the details to them later. "I would like to have remembered that." You said quietly, mentally pounding yourself in the head. You couldn’t believe those bold words had come out of your mouth, it was a far stretch for you at that point in your life, you hadn't been close with anyone romantically for quite some time. There was a pause that you didn't quite notice until he spoke up again.

"Me too." He let out a soft laugh, sighing. "Now, uh, about that concert..."

-

Mark had gone over the details on the phone call with you, explaining exactly where the concert was, what time, and the times for doors opening, all as if you had no idea all the exact information he was telling you. You didn’t know exactly how unknown he thought he was, but he didn’t seem to have any suspicion of your knowledge or love for him and his group, but at that point it was almost amusing. You felt horrible for feeling that way, but maybe it would be to your benefit.

You were up and ready to leave at any moment, making sure you had all your important items stashed away in your clothing bag and, regrettably, you felt like you had to leave all the merchandise you planned on wearing to the concert at the hotel because on the off chance Mark did happen to see you there, you couldn't expose yourself just yet. Maybe you were a little over-prepared and shouldn’t have even wanted to wear your keychains or other branded items you owned. Being low-key was probably going to work more in your favor, so you went with your gut feeling and dressed plainly. Just a normal person going to a concert they didn’t know anything about. You could do it.

You bit your lip, deciding to tuck your lightsticks away back into your suitcase and save them for another time. They sat on your shelf for months, they could survive in a suitcase. You grinned, feeling like you were getting ready for a first date. Mark at least made you seem like it would be, telling you he would buy you a ticket over and over on the phone and even having Taemin yell that he would pitch in in the background of your conversation. It was actually more than entertaining to shoot them down, trying your best not to admit you had a VIP ticket, but just calmly reminding them that you could take care of yourself.

"Well, someone's independent." You remembered hearing Ten say, causing you to grin ridiculously as you finished off your outfit by slipping into some comfortable shoes and making sure you and your friends were ready to make your way out of the door. You felt like a little kid in a candy store. Though you were disappointed that you had prepared so much and ended up only being able to dress like you normally would, you were sure it would be worth it.

You mildly worried that Mark would see you so close in the crowd and get suspicious, but he didn’t much seem like the type, he would probably not think too deep into it and hopefully just be excited to see you there, if he saw you at all. Your teeth wouldn’t stop peeking from behind your lips, entire body fluttering and nerves jittering at your fingertips in the best way possible. You sighed, seeing your friends, who were giddy and excited to leave, and you felt like the luckiest person in the entire world. Irene was right after all, she always was. Though if she knew what you were up to, she’d be shocked.

Entry to the venue was a little too easy, deciding to give Yeri your soundcheck entry and VIP extras because it felt like that might’ve been a little too far and the easiest possible way to sell you out if any of them were to see you in the smaller crowd. It pained you a little bit, but you had to remind yourself not to screw things up if it were to go any further with Mark. Maybe you’d eventually confess and give up the truth, but it didn’t seem like the best idea at the time, not unless it was important, you decided.

Then you got a text notification.

Hey, so I know you said no, but i have some access to a good seat if you’re interestedddddd haha

You still hadn’t saved his number, it was a horrible habit of yours, but it didn’t stop you from knowing exactly who it was from. He came to your party, he stayed up with you while you puked your guts up, he called, and now he had texted. You’d never had someone show so much interest in you so quickly, and it really was a huge confidence boost as well as a gigantic shock. It felt like you were in a daze, trying to come up with the perfect way to respond to him because texting wasn’t really your strong spot.

oh yeah? how’d you score that? haha

You added the ‘haha’ to seem more casual and mimic him as your heart raced, but Mark had no idea that you had such close tickets, but you’d amuse him just for the time being. You waited patiently outside of the entry where the VIP lines were, musing and waiting for a response. It was odd to you that he seemed like he’d be too busy to actually be texting you because the concert was going to start soon. Was he taking his extra time just to be texting you? It seemed unrealistic, but it honored you, nonetheless. You giggled at the next text, sighing and looking around you to see how many people you were sure wanted to be in your position. It felt slightly sickening, but it excited you to no end.

Made a bet with someone in security!

Then another.

That’s actually a lie, someone got upgraded and their seat is open, so I asked if you could have it and they said yes!  it’s on the floor right by the stage if you want ittttttttt

It felt like a tempting offer, biting your lip before typing out a response, but he was quicker to send one more text.

I mean unless you don’t wanna come, then I mean… we would have to plan out some other time to hang I suppose!

You could tell by now that he got nervous talking to anyone, especially from what you knew of your own information and your little encounters with him as well. You sighed, grinning happily and actually deciding to respond before he sent another.

no, no I’m actually here already!

You wanted to surprise him, show up in your seat and just hope for a minute he saw you, but the thought of him having no idea made regret play in your head. You were starting to overthink, wishing you could have a good time and watch the show without a worry that you’d create bad or confusing blood between you and the boy you just met. You sighed, trying to shake off some nerves before you heard someone call out your name, looking around rapidly to see the source before raising your hand and walking quickly over to the source.

“Hi, can I see your ID?” You quickly fumbled through your bag and showed the woman your drivers’ license and saw her nod. “Someone special told me to give this to you.” She was a small, sweet looking older lady with a security shirt. She handed you a freshly printed, unwrinkled ticket as she grinned, gesturing for you to follow her and pulled you out of line to follow her inside the entryway. You were genuinely surprised by Mark’s willingness to get you into the concert, especially since he didn’t even know that you were a fan. “Actually, it was four of them, but I’m not allowed to say names.” The woman laughed, walking you to your new seat and seeing only a few other people near their seats as well. You looked over and quickly waved at Yeri from her soundcheck spot who shined her new SuperM lightstick at you, making you roll your eyes. She was unbelievably close and had a wonderful view of the stage, it was actually pretty funny. But then it hit you, Seulgi was outside, waiting for her high-up tickets when your old seat was great and completely open. You bit your lip and made a quick phone call. Seulgi didn’t even have anything to do with the group and didn’t really have an interest, but even she would appreciate a seat closer to understand what all of it was about to you and Yeri.

“Hey, I’m sending you my VIP ticket, I got uh-upgraded.” You said quickly to Seulgi, biting your lip to not say anything too loud, especially with other fans around you. You were sure that it wasn’t exactly something you should be bragging about; you knew how those things worked.

“Oh cool!” You heard her laugh through the phone, causing you to grin. “Send it over, it’s freezing out here!” You clicked off, immediately transferring your ticket to her number as quickly as you could. You had to admit, it felt a lot better to have your friends there, even if Seulgi wasn’t the biggest fan and Yeri lived to embarrass you, at least you knew they’d always have your back. You felt your phone vibrate in your pocket again, assuming it was Seulgi in response, but got an unexpected text instead.

Oh man I see you!!! I’m so glad you came :)

This boy was going to give you a heart attack. What had you done to deserve the attention? You had no idea, and it almost felt wrong, but you weren’t going to jinx it.

You look really nice, by the way!

That made your heart flutter, glancing up at the stage and very slightly behind the big paper walls, seeing a faint pair of eyes and a fluffy head of black hair poking behind from backstage. You sighed, smiling at him and seeing him wave so subtly with his fingers and quickly he pulled his head back behind and out of view. Your heart pounded, sitting in your chair and crossing your leg over your lap. Seulgi surprised you when she made her way over to your seat, opting to keep you company before heading back to her newly assigned ticket, which wasn’t too far from your given one. You waved Yeri over as well, seeing her stand and tuck her lightstick back into her bag to come keep you company for only a moment. The security woman from earlier glanced at you and shockingly allowed Yeri to come down to the floor. You bit your lip, turning your phone to show the two of them the conversation between you and Mark, hoping he wasn’t spying on you again.

“You’ve got this boy wrapped around your fucking finger already.” Yeri snorted, shaking her head.

“I just can’t believe it’s Mark Lee!” Seulgi whispered his name so softly, thankful that for once in her life she was deciding to be quiet, that was rare. You didn’t want anything to screw what was happening up, and hopefully luck was on your side, you prayed that things would continue to look up because you’d never been so distracted and not thinking about work in so long, it was a mental vacation like no other, head wrapped around a boy and that almost made you feel dumb. Almost.

You saw people pile into the auditorium, hundreds of lightsticks filling the room bright and people quickly moving to their assigned seats. You sighed, loudly and told your friends you loved them. Yeri had a shit-eating grin on her mouth as she tucked her hand into her bag and pulled out a plain white box with just the SuperM logo on it and handed it to you with a fresh pair of batteries from her pocket. “Pay me back later.” You gasped a little, taking the lightstick out of your box and turning it on, waving it a little to make sure it worked, and you hoped Mark was looking.

Your friends started to walk away, and you reminded them to enjoy themselves during the concert as they fled away to their own places. You couldn’t believe Mark Lee had you sitting in the middle of the concert pit and that he personally made sure you got there, it all just seemed so far-fetched and blew your mind. You didn’t even know if you could focus on the concert, almost too worried about how Mark would perceive you if he caught you in the act of enjoying the stage, but it seemed like it could just be easy to avoid singing along to the parts when he wasn’t in view. You knew them well enough, hoping that it would be easier than it seemed. You just wanted to see Mark. Nothing else mattered.

The fans were hyped, to say the least, shouting words to the songs played before they went on stage. You were all too familiar with the fact that those concerts had a different vibe than most, the amounts of concerts you’d been to was crazy, but you loved the energy that those held. It felt like you were on a pedestal and you had to admit, it was the happiest you’d been in a long time, your nerves were subsiding as you stood there, feeling the weight that had been on your chest for years lifted by that one special spark. You knew all the words, you had to admit, but you weren’t focused on that right then, you were focused on the energy of the crowd and the clouds Mark had you floating on. You sighed, knowing how lucky you were and in disbelief that everyone in the crowd wanted what you had. Your phone chimed, whipping it out quickly and seeing another text from Mark.

Enjoy the show! ~

He texted so cutely. You were amazed he had so much focus on texting you, it was adorable, it made your heart melt because you knew he had to have other responsibilities, but he was focused on you. You wondered what you did to deserve such an amazing break all in the matter of a day, but your focus was ripped away when the lights went down. You sighed dreamily, clutching your lightstick to your chest as the screen started to play the opening video. You wanted to text Mark back, but you knew you both should focus on the show, so you chose not to.

When the first song came on, you cheered your head off and sang your heart out. You were thankfully not in a spot where Mark could easily see you through I Can’t Stand The Rain, so you were in the clear, but seeing him dance and sing on stage had your heart pounding because the thought of being someone in the crowd that not one, but four of them knew about made you feel like the most special person in the world. You sighed, wishing you could focus on everyone you went there for, but Mark had your full attention, waving your lightstick and cheering for him even as you were in shock of the fact that Taemin had gone from bright blonde to black in such a short amount of time. You could fangirl for just a moment; you were allowed that.

The two-hour show felt it was going by so fast. You watched happily throughout all the songs, cheering on and doing exactly what you’d normally do throughout a concert. You got through the first four songs which included two Taemin solos and a Taeyong solo. It was odd to know that you hadn’t met Taeyong yet, but something in your gut made you feel like you would, as if the night with Mark wouldn’t be your last.

You never thought that Super Car of all songs would have an everlasting effect on you, seeing Mark pop up on stage first, his looks making your heart flutter and you couldn’t believe that such a beautiful man you loved so much was texting you and made you feel so damn important. The performance was phenomenal, seeing Mark present himself so intensely made it feel even more like a dream. You hoped he was thinking of you. The other boys performing their hearts out and they wanted you to sit exactly where you were standing, that was their doing and they were in front of you. It felt surreal. You didn’t even realize that the song was almost over until you watched them run across the stage bridge, watching Mark intensely search the crowd.

You had goosebumps, heart pounding in your chest as you saw him continue to look, but you were sure it wasn’t easy to find you, not catching his eyes and horribly worried when he kept looking even when he should’ve been paying attention to the stage. You caught his eyes finally and it felt like you were the only people in the crowd, seeing his grin brighten up the stage and hearing him get even more intense with his singing, you had spurred him on to what you assumed was to impress you and that made it even better. You bit your lip and watched him as the song ended, seeing him slightly glance at you once it was silent. You could tell his cheesy smile was because you waved your lightstick at him and you felt like king of the world. As if it was all for you.

The talking bits had you grinning like no other, watching their backs as they gave speeches and it felt like you were actually watching your friends on stage, you were so proud. You didn’t expect the wave you got from Taemin as they exited the stage for Ten’s solo and you were left to blink in awe, wondering how exactly you got so lucky. You had to keep asking yourself that.

The bigger shock was when Ten so blatantly waved to you once he returned to the stage for his solos, swallowing and incredibly amazed that he took the time to find you, you felt like your lungs were going to collapse. Ten was one of the first people you knew of in NCT, so to have him pay attention to you and make you feel important was more than you could handle. You felt like tearing up, watching him dance so beautifully in front of you made it even more surreal. Even during New Heroes, he caught your eyes and smiled at you again, your chest hurt, it was more than you ever expected to feel at a concert in your entire life, but they made you feel like you were the most important person in the crowd and part of you knew you were.

Lucas’s solo was the most Lucas thing you could’ve ever seen in your life. You spent the whole time giggling and looking over at Yeri, who you completely forgot was even at the show with you and you almost felt guilty, but you knew she wouldn’t be upset about it. You forgot how head over heels Yeri was for Lucas and she did a wonderful job of hiding it the night prior. You couldn’t help but feel happy for him, knowing it was his first solo song that you knew about and you wondered if him belting karaoke in the living room helped any with his excitement of performing and you thought it was adorable. You grinned at him, waving your lightstick excitedly when you felt your phone vibrate again.

Someone’s a Lucas fan!

This text came along with a video that made you laugh harder than you had in a long time, watching it when the song ended, and you shook your head embarrassingly at yourself. You watched yourself jump excitedly on the phone screen, then you saw the camera pan over to Yeri who seemed to be losing her mind, but you knew Mark was probably just stoked that you guys were having a good time and you loved that he enjoyed you being there as much as you did.

maybe I’ll throw up with him next, we’ll see how the rest of the concert goes ;)

You responded as you grinned dumbly, biting your lip and looking where it seemed as if the video was filmed from, but not seeing Mark. It almost made you sad, but you knew he had to be professional. It didn’t seem like his strong spot. He was much more fun and less reserved than he seemed from the public knowledge you knew about him. He was an absolute sweetheart though. That, you could confirm.

Baekhyun’s solos went by in a flash, almost scared to sing every word in case Mark was watching, but you hadn’t received a text back, so you assumed you were in the clear, letting the music take you places emotionally that you didn’t think were possible. You’d gone by undetected and that was the first time that Baekhyun had been in front of you and you mildly wondered if he knew who you were, the thought was exciting.

The next few songs flew by, Dangerous Woman and 2 Fast rattling your heart to a new level, but not quite catching Mark, Ten, or Taemin’s attention through either of them. Part of you was thankful because the excitement of hearing new songs rattled your core and it felt like you were on the brink of explosion. Lucas pointed at you when the songs finally ended, flashing a wide grin and you had a feeling that Mark had absolutely showed him the video of you enjoying his performance, mild embarrassment flushed over you, but they didn’t seem to mind. Mark knew, or at least thought, that you were here for him, so the other boys didn’t matter.

During Baby Don’t Stop was when you stopped focusing on the concert, getting a response from Mark had you feeling just as nervous as before you met him.

I think you should come to dinner with me tonight instead, maybe no puke involved, yeah?

You swallowed thickly, trying to remain calm amidst the sea of fans surrounding you. Your throat felt tight and you weren’t quite sure how to respond because before you could, Mark was on stage, smirking like a vixen and rapping his heart out to a song you had never heard before. Seeing him perform gave you goosebumps, the aggression and raw talent coming out through the stage made you feel a bit scared to say the least. You genuinely couldn’t believe that he was the person sending you texts from behind the stage. You had brushed your teeth with him and he was on stage killing it, it was completely overwhelming and it made you almost wish you had fucked him, but you were sure that was the crazy part of your brain taking over and you needed to act normal, but the stage presence was giving you a whole new view of Mark, a view you liked.

Even when you heard his voice crack a bit, something you were used to because you knew it happened often, he still ruled the stage. You felt like you could drool and that was embarrassing, his stage presence a complete duality from what you had seen from him the night before. You almost couldn’t believe it. When he went to leave the stage, you saw him smirk, look directly at you, say “This boy, too fast,” and he winked before ending with “Thank you!” and the lights went out. Your heart raced.

It was too much. Your senses were overwhelmed, and you felt like you were in slight panic, you needed a moment. You darted off of the floor quickly, taking a breath when you made your way to the bathroom. You felt like you were about to have a panic attack, everything you had to take in was just a little bit too much and you needed to breathe. You realized you still hadn’t responded to Mark; you weren’t even sure how to then. You wanted to see him, you wanted to claim him as your own and it all felt so confusing.

What if you got him and couldn’t keep him? What if he just wanted an easy lay and you were accessible, but he got too scared? What had you done to deserve this? Why was Mark even interested in plain old, stressed out you? The what ifs were running through your mind because nothing in your life was ever easy and the last day had been much too easy. You closed your eyes in the bathroom stall, taking a moment to breathe. You pulled out your phone to see Mark’s text still sitting on your screen followed by a single text from Seulgi.

everything okay??? you ran out of here like you were late to the Olympics dude what is wrong

You really didn’t want to tell her how you were feeling, it felt idiotic because the reason you felt to anxious was because you couldn’t leave well enough alone. Mark was obviously interested in you, but you couldn’t help but to second guess why. There were so many things that could ruin what was happening and you so intensely hoped that it wouldn’t be something dumb that you did wrong; you really did hope. Once you pulled yourself together, you realized it had been an entire ten minutes since you walked out and you didn’t even care that you were missing songs. You reasoned that if you were about it upset later, you’d find another ticket in a different city and redo the experience. You picked your phone back up and attempted to type out a decent answer to either person. You sniffled, not even realizing you had been on the brink of tears to begin with. You read back over Mark’s texts and the playful question brought a smile to your face again, finally calming you down and you recognized that he would probably be the better one to respond to. You could easily talk to Seulgi later, she’d understand

You really wanna hang out again tonight?

You sent the message to him, swallowing and taking another breath before you typed out what you actually meant. You know you needed to in order to feel better. Maybe it would screw everything up, but it was what was on your mind and it had to be said.

Okay I mean like are you sure you want to hang out with me? You just put on the most amazing performance and I just feel like I’m not really worth your time ya know hahaha

The hahaha was more than sarcastic, much different from the other laughter in your previous texting. You frowned, picking yourself up out of the bathroom stall and trying to make your way back to your seat after calming down. You wanted to watch at least some of the rest of the concert. You made your way back to your seat and hoped that the guys didn’t notice you were gone. You saw them go on stage for the last time and apparently you had missed their ending talk, which made you kind of sad, but you were sure you could find videos of it, so you weren’t too bummed. The opening beat to Jopping started and you decided to say screw it and enjoy yourself, singing and belting the words to the song with no fear for the first time of the night. It had been played on the radio, so you’d have an excuse if you needed one, but you wanted to live the moment out normally; that was what you went there for to begin with.

When the song ended, you heard the audience cheer and then go silent. Everyone around you was saying their goodbyes and started fleeing out of the venue. You tried to gather yourself, but you still weren’t quite recovered since Mark’s solo song and you hated that it was what sent you into a panic, but weird things often did that to you. Seulgi and Yeri were quick to make their way to you, Seulgi significantly worried because she’d seen you storm off. You wondered briefly if any of the boys had seen you, but it wasn’t a pressing question of the moment.

“You alright babe?” Seulgi asked, putting her hand on your shoulder in question as you checked your texts, a soft smile returning to your face again and she felt much less worried. You had Mark to thank for that.

Uh, yes! Of course I want to hang out! Meet me at starbucks in an hour?

Thanks btw im glad you liked it!

-

You’d ditched your friends. You explained what happened and how you were feeling, getting soft nods and understanding words of encouragement. Neither of them seemed too sure about the idea of you going off on your own at night to find Mark, but they definitely understood why you had to go alone. You had to battle the internal problem and address him by yourself and they were all for it. “Self-care” is what they called it, making you grin as a reminder while you sat in a hidden corner of the Starbucks a few blocks over. You had an Uber drop your friends off at a last-minute university party that wasn’t too far away.  You were thankful you hadn’t decided to go there instead because seeing Mark definitely felt like it was going to ease your stress. Plus, to your amusement, they hadn’t told you about the party in the first place, wanting to drag you there against your will after the concert before your plans with Mark were set in stone.

Seeing him walk in the door and order his drink had your stomach in knots. He glanced around to find you sitting alone and just seeing his fresh face after only watching him on stage made you feel like a kid with a new and exciting toy, but when he pulled his mask down and grinned widely at you, you felt like you were going to melt.

You stood up to greet him when he walked over, surprised by his warm embrace and excited child-like nature when he ever so gently kissed your cheek, sitting down to join you at the table. You blushed heavily. From what you knew about Mark, he didn’t seem to like skinship nearly as much as the other members, so even just a simple kiss on the cheek made your chest tighten, grinning much too harshly to be considered casual. You hoped it wouldn’t be your last kiss and maybe you were thinking too far into it, but your face felt hot.

“Sooooo, how was the concert?” He shyly asked, tapping his fingers lightly on the table. You were whipped already and that was pretty embarrassing, giggling like an idiot as you watched him cutely sip at his straw, both hands attached to the side of his cup. It was freezing out, but he’d still decided on an iced drink. You thought about scolding him but decided not to.

You didn’t even have to lie. “It was out of this world.” You spoke honestly. Watching his grin grow felt blinding, his giggle ringing in your ears like the soothing sounds of bells at Christmas. He felt unreal. Seeing and watching him talk was deafening, barely catching the words he was saying as he fiddled with a napkin and kept taking little sips of his drink in fear of the cold. Your cheeks were warm, feeling yourself grin within your conversations and the world surrounding you felt like it didn’t exist. It was just you and Mark in the coffee shop and nobody else mattered.

“You ready to head out?” You didn’t even realize you even agreed to a night out in the city, blinking sweetly at him and letting him take your hand and lead you out of the door.

“Where are we going?” You asked, teeth shining brightly in a goofy daze.

“You weren’t paying attention to anything I said, huh?” He asked, catching your eyes and softly grinning.

“I swear, I was trying.” You laughed together as he stuffed his hands into his pockets. “I was a little um, distracted.” You explained poorly.

“You thinking about something important?” He asked, still glancing at you from the side. “Something bothering you?” He only lightly joked. You could tell that he knew nothing was bothering you, but he was trying to dig further into what you were thinking about to be so zoned out of the conversation.

“I just.. really like being here.” It gushed out of your mouth faster than you could stop it. “I mean, here. I like this. I like… not worrying about work.” You spoke more honestly than you had since you met him. Something about walking down the street at midnight with someone you hardly knew yet had thought about intensely for years had you feeling a bit sentimental, liking the contrast in feeling between the concert and then. Mark was comfortable, he made you feel good. Maybe you should come out and say it, the night was young. “I know we just met and all, but I really like being out here with you.” You told him. It was bold, but you didn’t regret it. You could see the excitement in him as you spoke, his ego clearly boosted, and you didn’t mind making him feel like that.

“I really like being here with you, too.” You could tell it made him nervous to tell you that, letting his walls down and it felt odd. Your skin felt warm, smiling to yourself and trying to come to terms with what was happening between the two of you. You saw him check his phone intensely and slightly jumped when he reached out and grabbed your hand with his free one, pulling you to run down the street with him. “Come see, I want to bring you somewhere.”

“Where are we going?” The laugh escaped your mouth as you trailed behind the boy, only getting cute laughs in response and him telling you to hold on and you’ll see. You followed Mark for what felt like an hour, but also felt like a second. Time was different when you were with Mark. He had carefully dragged you down the street and across multiple intersections just to pull you into a hole in the wall building in the middle of the city.

“My friends told me to come here.” Mark beamed at you, showing the doorman his passport so he was easily ushered in. He gently squeezed your hand before letting go. It almost felt like he pulled a part of you with him, having to bring yourself back into reality. His friends? He got a glance from a few of the workers, but he didn’t seem to notice like you did. “They said it was fun, I think you’ll enjoy it!”

“What is this place?” You asked him and got a bright shot of a toothy smile in return as you rounded a corner.

“It’s what we call a, uh, noraebang!” You could’ve giggled at the way he said it, seemingly unsure of what he should call it. “It’s like, um, karaoke, but there’s like rooms and stuff! We have lots of them back home. They’re like really fun, I promise!” He explained with such pride. You felt like fainting, in disbelief that Mark was sweet enough to share something he clearly enjoyed with you. He was quickly walked to a back room with no questions asked. You followed closely behind him, every time he turned his attention to you to check if you were still behind him in the long hallway felt more and more intense. “I’m just checking that you’re still there, these places are confusing sometimes.” He was sweetly apologetic, easily calming you down, his gentle voice ringing in your ears even over the loud music coming from the rooms surrounding you. “You’re gonna love it.” He told you again as if trying to convince himself more than you. He checked back again to make sure you were still behind him. Normally you were the one to double check and make sure everyone’s there behind you every time you went out with anyone. It was a nice change of leadership. There was a man wearing sunglasses and dressed in all black guarding the back hallway and you were only off put for a moment.

“It’s like you’re in the mafia, special privilege, private hosting, yeah?” Sometimes your comments were dumb, especially when you were nervous like he had you. You regretted as soon as the worlds fell from your mouth but hearing him giggle to himself made you feel better.

“Yeah,” He laughed. “Usually it’s a nightmare but sometimes it’s nice.” He told you, falling a little back to be closer to you as you were led to a room, his hand feeling like fire as it found your own again and slipped his fingers between yours. You saw him peek his head in to wave hello to his friends, surprised when he stepped in quickly and yanked you inside, only waving at them to introduce you, telling them to say hello.

You couldn’t believe your eyes. So that’s what he meant by his friends. That moment was the hardest one thus far that had to test your complacence. You felt like the desert had more moisture than your throat, only pulled out of your surprise by Mark’s voice. “So, uh, that’s Taeyong, Jongin, and you met everyone else! Everyone say helloooooo!” It rolled off of his tongue awkwardly, making you giggle loudly as you waved hello to everyone, trying extremely hard to make yourself not lose your cool. Having 5 smiling faces on you was an intense reality check. Everyone was there but Baekhyun, but you were a little too focused on the others to notice or care. You liked to say you had been fine until that moment, it was more than a little bit of a shock to see so many people you loved sitting at a table in front of you, you being the one Mark had been comfortable enough to introduce you. You didn’t understand why it was happening so fast, but it was definitely happening and there was no way you could stop it.

“My friend! I’m glad to see you again!” Lucas’s booming voice said happily, his welcome stood out more than anyone else’s. You snorted, shaking your head and quickly shaking everyone new’s hands before Lucas gladly stood up to give you a hug from across the table, which you gladly accepted. Ten and Taemin offered up a few conversations and Taeyong looked more than ecstatic to meet you and you vaguely wondered why but didn’t focus in on it. You talked to everyone and complimented their performances for just a moment when you saw Jongin lean over to speak quietly to Mark. Mark cleared his throat. “I, um, just wanted you to meet everyone I guess, this is.. a little awkward if you wanna, you know?” You definitely didn’t feel that way, but you could tell what he was hinting at. Mark stood up and awkwardly said he’d see everyone later with happy smiles. You shrugged and told everyone how nice it was to meet them, earning a cocked eyebrow from both Ten and Taemin. You definitely liked them, you noted. Mark tugged you out of the room by your hand and down the hall to another empty room manned by a guy smaller than the last, but definitely more intimidating, who flashed you a smile and easily waved you in.

“I’m sorry if this is a little weird, I just thought you might like to come here and hang out, I thought we’d get a little, uh, alone time, yeah?” Mark grinned at you again, you could see his cheeks heating up and you wondered how he was so precious, your chest felt hot for the billionth time seeing Mark. You figured the privacy was what Jongin had spoken to him about.  “I haven’t um, been on a date in, like, um, well, ever.” You heard him laugh nervously, tucking his hands between his knees. He looked up at you shyly, your heart pounding. Just the word date made your cheeks go red again.

“I mean, you’re doing pretty well.” Was all you could really say, he had been very amusing to be around. “This is probably the best date I’ve ever had so far.” You weren’t lying, it wasn’t a disaster like all the others turned out to be in minutes, but it made Mark laugh.

“We’ve been out here for what, like 10 minutes?” Through giggles he spoke, radiating soft shyness and he seemed to genuinely be happy, something you hadn’t even seen in videos of him, it was a whole other side of Mark that you were even scared to explore, feeling like you were invading his privacy. “I must be doing something right then, huh?” He asked and you knew he was serious, seeing him look slightly vulnerable was a new look, he looked so peaceful, so happy and genuinely enjoying his time.

“I think you’re doing everything right, Mark.” You reminded him and you saw him glow, grinning widely and straightening up his shoulders excitedly. “I’m having a really good time out with you; I want you to know that.” You were sure to say, seeing his smile somehow widen even more.

“Just let me know if I do something wrong.” Mark told you and you felt slightly wrong, sitting in your chair and wanting to tell him everything you’d thought about what you would tell someone you looked up to as much as Mark, hell, you even thought about it with Mark, but you knew that saying anything could ruin it and that fear pounded through your head. You had to forget everything you knew about Mark, forcing yourself back into reality as he tried to explain the menu to break the silence. You scooted closer to him, thighs barely brushing, and you heard him choke a little. You hated how nervous you made him, feeling completely undeserving and it felt like you could fall in love in that moment, looking over into his eyes as he glanced back and forth from the menu to you, having to bite back smiles as your attention was on him.

“Anything you see that, um, piques your interest?” You didn’t miss the sparkle in his eyes. He asked quietly, biting his lip and looking back at the menu again. You were then the one distracting him and it made you feel like the only person on earth, like you were the only person who mattered.

You glanced back over the menu at the selections and you couldn’t really focus on what you wanted. You figured you should answer him somehow. “I, um, I don’t really know what to choose.” You said as you shook yourself back into reality, leaning your shoulder closer to him enough for him to slip his arm behind your back. It felt like heaven, the warmth radiating off of him comforting. You didn’t feel like you had the capacity to choose anything or even concentrate on the menu. You sighed. “I think you should pick some things and show me what you like.” It was often your suggestion when going out, especially since opening your own restaurant, you could choose for anyone else but hated choosing for yourself.

“That’s the chef brain isn’t it?” He asked the question with a grin, subconsciously leaning more toward you and only a few inches from your face. Had he read your mind?

“It is, isn’t it?” You smirked a bit. When you both caught eyes again, you ripped them away quickly, awkward shyness making you both look back down at the menu again. Why did he affect you so badly? You didn’t know and it scared you that your usual confident state was faltering.

“So! Um, I’m going to order some ddeokbokki and something with kimchi, I think those would be good starters, yeah!” Mark shyly laughed through his sentence, making your own grin grow. “They’ve got a lot of food selections, if you wanna like let me order a bunch of stuff and we share because that’s what we always do, so like,” He shrugged, obviously not exactly sure how to explain it to you. “We can do that if you want and if you decide you don’t like something, we can get something else and-.” He was rambling.

“Hey Mark?” Mark turned his attention to you, doe eyed. “You talk a lot when you’re nervous.” You heard him sigh, defeated.

“God, I know.” He laughed, shaking his head and you felt like you had finally broken him, but it was good. “I literally never stop talking when I get nervous, I just suddenly have so many words and I just keep droning on and on, I just- really liked spending time with you and it’s crazy because I’ve never felt like this before I-“ You couldn’t help but to laugh, playfully shaking your head and loving hearing him speak about you so happily, it felt so nice.

“You’re doing it again.” You giggled and he joined, caught off guard with a small gasp when you reached down to hold his hand, gently thumbing over the back of his palm as he scanned over the menu again.

“I’ve gotta, um, get up to go order.” He spoke quietly, eyelids slightly hooded as he smiled at you, feeling comforted in your gaze as you glanced over his lips. They looked so soft and plush, perfect for kissing. You bit your lip softly, scooting out of the booth to let him get out, comfortingly moving back in and waited for his return. You whipped out your phone, eager to send out a text and scream to the heavens, but for once, you were out of words. It felt wrong to be texting anything about your night with anyone, it felt like it was special and to be carried just between the two of you and that almost made it better. You had a secret, but you were his secret, it almost didn’t feel wrong when you thought about it like that.

Mark came back, swiftly scooting back into the booth just as pressed against each other as before, slinking his arm around your waist yet again with his thigh nudged against yours. “Is this okay?” he asked, voice barely above a whisper and you nodded. You leaned your shoulder closer into him after he grabbed the remote eagerly. You had forgotten you were there for karaoke. He typed quickly into the search bar on the television to put on a song for you. “I’m gonna show you some stuff.” He told you, fingers lightly dancing on your sides. It felt comforting.

The place was filled with blaring music in seconds, eagerly guiding you on how the karaoke worked. You watched as Mark tried his hardest to sing all the words to the songs. You sighed, watching his excited expression made the whole thing even more worth it. He seemed so content, showing even more excitement once the food got to you. It felt like a blur, the universe turning on fast forward as you autopiloted your whole dinner discussion, listening to him speak and tell you about his hometown. He spoke vaguely and nervously, but you watched the words fall out of his mouth with pink dusting your cheeks.

It felt like for the last few years all you did was talk about yourself, so listening to Mark was almost too good to be true, listening to him openly with wide, eager eyes as he told you about his best friends, experiences, and home life that you’d only gotten a glimpse into online. You found out that Johnny was his best friend, Doyoung was his roommate, and he missed all of his friends back home in Canada. You knew he was from Canada, but you learned so much more about his love for his home, the universe in his eyes when he talked about it. You wanted to melt; he was so much more perfect than you ever thought he could be.

The food was amazing, you had to admit, his gentle voice explaining exactly what was on the table in front of you, feeding you bites from his chopsticks and grinning each time you complimented whatever he put into your mouth. You didn’t have a single complaint, extremely open to trying new foods and tasting new things, especially for someone as grateful as Mark was. You felt so open, happy, and free to finally be the one listening to someone talk about their life and showing you new foods and not on the opposite end of the conversation. You felt like you were in a daze when he grabbed you and pulled you out of the restaurant after paying, insisting that he did so and repeatedly asking if you were enjoying yourself and of course each time the answer was yes.

He pulled you all around the city, giggling together and taking pictures of the sidewalks and scenery. You felt like you saw new things with Mark. You were from the town, but it all felt so fresh, bold, and full of life in comparison to when you were younger. One topic in particular caught your attention more than any other. “Sometimes I wish I wasn’t famous; you ever feel like that?” You were almost 100% sure that he thought you were more famous than you were, only barely known outside of where your business started, you had to laugh a little.

“What do you mean by that?” You asked as he was stuffing street food cart popcorn into his mouth, chewing quickly so he could get an answer to you quicker.

“You know, sometimes you ever feel like you just stayed quiet, grew up a little more normal? No real responsibilities or being held to a standard?” He scoffed playfully. “Sometimes I just want to sit at home and play basketball all day with my shirt off, you know?” He asked, stuffing his hands into his pockets; he did that often. “It’s hard to do that when you’ve got something to do every second of every day.” He shrugged.

“I actually know exactly what you mean.” You admitted honestly, shrugging. It felt like you could be 100% honest with him for the first time and answer that question fully. It wasn’t about him; it was strictly about work. “So, my life’s always two categories,” You started, trying to find the right words to say. “It’s always either work, or it’s personal. Kind of like a Venn diagram but somehow none of it ever meets in the middle, like it’s empty or something.” You explained, feeling Mark’s full attention on you as he scooted a bit closer while walking. “When I was younger, the personal side had a lot more on it than the work side did. I find myself always worrying about my job now, it’s like it’s my whole life and it’s not necessarily the fame part.” You explained further. “Because if you ask anyone, they don’t know who I am unless its where I’m from or where I am at that moment in time. Like, I’m important because I’m relevant to those people, not because I’m actually important.” You looked over and you got a big nod out of Mark, who was patiently waiting to respond when you were finished, he was one of the few men you’d met who hadn’t felt like interrupting when he had something to say, that was a huge shocker, but you liked it. It made you feel important, which was something sickly engrained to like in your brain after years of being fueled on validity.

“That’s kind of exactly where I’m at. I always feel like people don’t want to get to know me.” He started and your chest tightened. “I feel like when I’m home in Korea, people only like us if we’re providing for them. I know this sounds so selfish but, um, people at home tend to make us feel like we owe them something.” He explained and for the first time it felt like Mark was a real person. A real person with feelings and it only made your appreciation for him swell. “We get out there on stage sometimes and it kinda just makes us feel like we’re not here to do what we love, we’re here to make money.” He said with a heavy sigh, you scooted closer to him, walking almost shoulder to shoulder. You bit your lip and slipped your hand into his jacket pocket to grab his, soothing over his thumb and you felt his palms get sweaty, warm skin playing on yours as you held hands.

“Well, I just want you to know you’re much more important than that.” You started, reminding him and for a brief second it did feel like maybe you were going to get to say what you wanted to someone you admired so much, but you stepped back and let him have his moment. “You make so many people happy, okay, yeah.” You reminded him, feeling a weight lift off your chest as he grinned. “You get up there and your energy is phenomenal.” You spoke passionately. “You make these people so happy; they worship at your feet! They love you; they really do. You’re probably some of these peoples’ anchors.” You explained to him and saw him beam, excited to hear someone tell him how important he was, and you wished someone would remind him every day because he deserved it. More than anyone you’d ever met. He shied away momentarily, taking it in. “But,” you continued, and he perked up. “It’s also okay to feel like you don’t owe anyone anything.” You told him. “You’re allowed to feel like you don’t have anyone to please but yourself and I think a lot of artists who disconnect themselves like that get in trouble or whatever, but it makes the fan connection stronger, so to speak. People see you as more human when you admit your problems. There are people are here for the real you. It doesn’t have to be all of you, but you’re allowed to be human and show basic human tendencies.” You reminded him and he sighed, smiling at the ground.

“I’m glad you think so.” He told you softly, squeezing your hand and pulling it out of his pocket to swing back and forth with him on your walk. “God, you’re so easy to talk to!” The sudden outburst had you laughing, seeing him roll his eyes and try to gather more words in himself. “I haven’t had anyone but my members to talk to about this stuff and they all make me seem like I’m crazy!” He told you, pouring more popcorn into his mouth from the bag in his hand. “They make me want to feel more grateful, but sometimes I just want to be kind of… selfish I guess?” He shrugged, sighing. “Like I love what I do, don’t get me wrong, but I don’t want to only be known for that stuff, I just don’t know exactly how to open up with all the rules and whatnot. God, it’s so difficult sometimes, every single idol I know has a problem opening up.” He groaned. “It feels like we can’t be real people.” Your chest felt heavy, you felt sad for him until he continued. “People here don’t make me feel that way.” He admitted, smiling toward you. “People here, like, America specifically, make me feel like it’s okay to mess up, and not everyone here knows me, so I can go out, have a good time if I like and not be in too much trouble for it.”

You felt your heart race when he mentioned being unknown and it just so happened that you were one of those people who did know about him and you felt guilty, wanting to admit your secret and tell him how he made you feel versus now, but you kept quiet. It felt like the better thing to do. It was your turn to be selfish, letting him have his moment of being unknown because it seemed like it made him feel better. You bit your lip, looking over at him and seeing how he absolutely glowed in the dim dull streetlights and your stomach flipped a bit. You swallowed, looking over at him. “Are you having a good time?” You asked sheepishly, retracting.

“Yes! Oh my god I’m having such a good time.” He spoke excitedly, bright grin making you almost choke. You felt like crying. “I’ve never felt so comfortable around anybody before and I know we don’t really know each other, but I’m loving that we got someone to tag along with us. We’ve never, like, had that before.” He sighed, content and you couldn’t help but to grin at him, gently squeezing his hand in yours and you felt like the world was in your palm. “I like hanging out with you.” He said, between bitten lips as he shied away from his confession.

“I like hanging out with you too.” You told him, heart pounding in your chest even faster, the world feeling like it was glowing, your eyes catching his in a soft gaze. “I like you, Mark.” You told him, feeling like a small elementary child. “I know it’s early and all, but you’re easy to talk to as well.” That was almost a lie, you had a hard time deciphering what to tell him. It felt like you’d known him for days, but you’d spent so much time with him that the hours rushed into the minutes and time didn’t really matter, all that mattered was Mark. You realized that quickly.

He beamed, tugging your hand to run down the street, giggling as he pulled you. “Come on.” He said, not telling you exactly where you were going. You knew the place, but it felt so different with him. He pulled and pulled and had you running behind him in short breaths, trying to hold your pace. He made you speechless.

He pulled you into the park you spent your childhood at, swallowing heavily and feeling even more nostalgic. You smiled brightly, taking in all you saw and how different it was from the last time you saw it. He let go of your hand and it felt cold, seeing him walk over to the swing set. “I saw that there was a park near here when we were at the last place.” He told you, checking to make sure you were following behind him. “I figured you might like it.” He said, making you laugh.

“I love it.”

Your final goodbyes were back at the venue, having to pull yourself away from him reluctantly. You’d walked around all night, 3am coming much quicker than you ever expected. He’d walked you around town, having you take pictures of him for the memory, deciding not to get any together for the better idea of both of your reputations. It was okay, it didn’t bother you. It felt hard to pull yourself away from his embrace as he walked you to your car, telling you he’d get picked up there soon, but you still worried.

“You’re gonna get kidnapped.” You told him, grin wide as he leaned against the door of your car, speaking through the window.

“If it’s my time, it’s my time.” He joked, making you roll your eyes. You quickly lit up a cigarette, avoiding blowing smoke in his face. His eyes looked dazed, starry eyed and fully focused on you, just you.

“You’re gonna get yourself hurt if you think like that.” You reminded him, biting your lip and seeing him lean in closer.

“Well, I, um, I wanted to ask you something.” He sounded nervous, piquing your interest even more as you leaned in closer, taking a drag of your cigarette and blowing it out, just inches from his face but he didn’t back away, you raised an eyebrow in response, waiting for him to ask. “Do you want to come to the next show with us? If you’re not busy?” He bit his lip, scared in response to what you’d say because it felt as if in the chance you said no, it would be the last time you saw him. You swallowed, sighing with a dopey smile. “I know it’s a lot to ask but..” He let his sentence fall in hopes that you’d respond.

You thought about it for a moment. You didn’t have anything to lose. You had the time, the money, no reason not to go. You sighed heavily, seeing him bounce a little in place.

“You don’t have to.” He reminded, but still looked like he would be crushed if you told him no. You took one huff of your cigarette and the dramatic effect of the pause had him nervous, jumping a little in place from the cold. “But I, um, really want you to.”

“Yeah, you know what?” You shrugged, grinning at him. “I’ll come. It’ll be fun.” You thought you saw him jump in the air like a little kid, cheeks red and smile big enough you could no longer see his eyes. Your heart was going to burst.