#text shitpost

[rwac96]

New Year Surprise (Shitpost)

Jaune: *groans lowly* "Ugh! The New Year already?"

*Jaune Arc sits up in the bed, rubbing his eyes...then feels a hand touching his lower back*

Neo: *pats his back, a sign of 'Go back to bed, hun'*

Jaune: *turns to the former Henchwench* "Neo!?"

Neo: *giggles, blows Jaune a kiss*

Jaune: *scoots to the edge of the bed* "Ugh, what happened last night--?"

Bleiss: *pokes his chest* "You rocked our world, Darling~."

Jaune: *blushes* "B-Bleiss!" *moves his head down as he feels someone crawling on top of him*

Pyrrha: *on top of Jaune* "Happy New Year, Beloved~."

[your-own-scifi-nerd]

Star Trek TOS + Texts!

[neatalchemist]

i offer you shitposts again but this time guess who're my favorite (super hard)

[minwabus]

What do you mean text shitposts don't count as doing character studies?

[player-1]

Oh boy, I sure can't wait for Intervallo 7.5, where the bus goes on yet another wacky roadtrip while the gang goes to Hong Lu's home district and learn about his extremely complex family dynamic and the many many references to the original novel, it's multiple remakes, and/or the series adaptation.

The next Walpurgis is most likely the Safety Team with Netzach as the next Announcer; and the next LobCorp IDs might connect to Abnormalities of denial, blissful ignorance, or the constricting force of family (Queen of Hatred, Queen Bee, Void Dream).

Even if the Sinners adjust to the fact that one of their members is a Second Kindred Bloodfiend, everyone keeps eyeing Outis just in case she tries to kill Don mentally or physically. She's still salty about the "betrayal" of having a definite threat in their ranks and were possibly waiting to backstab them at any moment (...Did something happen with Eurylochus, Outis?).

And even if she's also adjusting to a modernish life without the fanatic belief in Fixers, Don Sancho Quixote the Second reads them the riot act on their multiple attempts to prove she's a "real vampire" and committing elder abuse: shining light in her eyes or putting her in direct sunlight, putting garlic in her food, Dead Butterfly's coffin and Hundred Sins cross mace in her face cause Christian symbol or possible vamp bed, chasing her with a water bottle or spray bottle, so much water, so much water...

[sunheart101]

The Toledo War except it’s just Ohio and Michigan in divorce court arguing about who gets custody of their child

[the-future-is-chrome]

pinterest ads be like: ok so do you want an anti-abortion childrens book with an ai generated cover or a strapon in the shape of a krusty krab employee hat

[viktheviking1]

For those who want to know where I live

I live Weast of the ocean and Snorth of the boarder.

[1kroolkroc]

[King K. Rool]: It's not "for boys" or "for girls." It's for me! It's mine! You can't have it!

[dust-corner]

Realized I had these BATIM shitpost text images laying around in 2018 that I forgot to post anywhere. I dunno if culturally the site has moved on from this genre of post, but may as well open the vault.

[polybrow]

she could take it i think

[rwac96]

Roll Call and Roll Out (Transformers Slagpost)

*Optimus Prime stood before his Autobots, as he holds a data pad in his right hand*

Optimus: "Alright, Autobots, roll call!" *looks down at the pad* "Jazz?"

Jazz: *gives a two-finger salute* "Right here, boss."

Optimus: "Ironhide?"

Ironhide: "Present an' ready ta roll, Prhame!"

Optimus: "Prowl?"

Prowl: *salutes* "Present and accounted for, Optimus."

Optimus: "Wheeljack?" *waits, no response* "Wheeljack...?"

*KA-BOOOM!!*

Wheeljack: *far away* "BUSY AT THE MOMENT!"

Optimus: *exhaled* "Okay. Bumblebee?"

Bumblebee: "Right here, Optimus."

Optimus: "Sideswipe?" *waits, no response* "Sideswipe? SIDESWIPE!"

*Kup marches in, dragging a thrashing and kicking Sideswipe*

Kup: "Punk's right here, Prime." *releases the young Autobot*

Sideswipe: *dusts himself off* "I'm here! Don't blow a diode, Pops."

Optimus: "Don't call me 'Pops'." *exasperated sigh* "Alright, Sunstreaker."

Sunstreaker: *smugly* "Present and lookin' good while doin' it."

Cliffjumper: *muttering* "And vain as ever."

Sunstreaker: *turns to his teammate* "Frag you, Cliff!"

Optimus: *annoyed* "ENOUGH!" *clears his throat* "Ahem! Blurr?" *looks up, looking around* "Blurr?"

Blurr: *sprints on in, then comes to a stop* "Imadeitattime!Hereandreadyforduty,Optimus!"

Optimus: "At least you're here, Blurr. Blaster?"

*Optimus looks up, seeing Blaster dancing to music and dancing*

Optimus: "Blaster? Blaster?? BLASTER!!"

Blaster: *stops, removing his headphones* "Oh! My bad, Prime. Here!"

Optimus: *groans* "Please pay attention next time. Chase?"

Chase: *salutes* "Present and ready to serve, sir."

Optimus: "Cliffjumper?"

Cliffjumper: "Here, Optimus."

Optimus: "Bulkhead."

Bulkhead: "Here, boss."

Optimus: "Hot Rod?" *looks around, no response* "Oh, for Primus' sake!"

[your-own-scifi-nerd]

Classic Doctor Who + Texts

Part 3

[haleyhalcyon]

Hello, forcefem hypno artist? I’d like to commission Chihiro Fujisaki being hypnotized to confidently show himself off in boys’ clothes.

[akemithedemon]

Well, I was never on YOUR side either!

*leaves*

*comes back*

Wanker!

*leaves again*

[sunheart101]

My objectum ass could not work at Site-77