More questionable tfa headcanons
-Bumblebee and Bulkhead do impressions of Optimus behind his back. Bulkhead actually feels kinda bad about it but that does not stop him. Prowl is not immune to joining in. OP still hasn't caught them.
-Optimus really wants to adopt a dog once he's positive he could adequately take care of one. He loves the idea of keeping a big grey one and naming him Silverbolt, after Silverbolt Major from the great war. It just feels right.
-Starscream will never admit to listening to the dumb sound patterns humans call music, but in private he's a swiftie, and he WILL sing shake it off if nobody's watching.
-Lugnut bakes in his off time, and he keeps trying to spoil Megatron with little treats, as his grand and glorious master deserves little gifts and tributes whenever Lugnut can give them. Sadly, Megatron doesn't actually have much of a sweet tooth so most of Lugnut's edible gifts get passed off to someone else.
-you know that bit in the Allspark almanac where Lugnut is bitching about earth sports and the Tigatron stadium? He has such strong feelings because Blitzwing loves that shit and keeps trying to rope Lugnut into playing. For Blitzwing, it reminds him of his gladiator days, it's a way to have fun and reminisce without killing someone. For Lugnut, it can't compare, it's kinda just a watered down, wussified version of real gladiatorial combat.
-upon discovering ytps, both bumblebee and bulkhead trained their voice synthesizers to be able to mimic the edited sounds. Sometimes they'll use it in the middle of a fight as a sort of secret code so the cons can't pick up on what they're planning to counter it. Optimus has mixed feelings. He doesn't understand what the hell they're saying like 90% of the time, and he recognizes this isn't proper military strategy, but he can't argue with the results. At least they're sort of taking the fights seriously?
-Blitzwing and Blackarachnia fucking hate each other but Megatron frowns upon infighting, so instead of constant violence, they've sort of settled on an escalating cold war of inconveniences and irritants. Neither of them can throw a punch, or set anything up that would result in actual injury, but immobilizing via ice or webs is fine, provided it doesn't affect tactical matters. Blitzwing constantly freezes the locks on BA's door, BA spikes Blitzwing's energon with cyber venom, pretty much anything that could qualify as day ruining. The worst was when Blitzwing covered BA with electronic paint and turned her into a walking rainbow all day.
-prowl wants to volunteer at animal shelters but he's a bit too big to fit in most of the buildings
-both shockwave and starscream are horrible liars but Megatron is terrible at picking up when someone's lying, so starscream's scheming went unnoticed for years and shockwave was sent in as a spy with full confidence that he wouldn't blow his cover.
-ratchet and optimus have been teaching Sari bits of cybertronian. Optimus teaches her the more formal aspects of the language, given there's a high chance she'll be interacting with Ultra Magnus, the guilds domesticus, and other high ranking autobots that warrant a more formal address. Ratchet (Mr "don't call me sir, I work for a living") teaches her more day to day, informal cybertronian. And swears. He teaches her pretty much all the swears.
-when Sari moved in, Optimus learned to cook so she wouldn't have to live off fast food from the burger bot. Which was hell for the big guy because why in primus's name is human fuel so complicated? He used to think sugar was pretty much an energon equivalent, cut and dry. He was wrong. He was so wrong. OP usually has Sari help him out because he cant exactly taste it to make sure it's, you know, actually edible.
-Prowl loves animals and the natural parts of earth with all his spark, but man are some parts of it brutal. When he learned what a parasitoid wasp was he couldn't sleep for days.
-bulkhead actually wants to go to a human art college once the war's over. Maybe not full time but he definitely wants to pick up some classes and learn what he can. Once he gets good enough, he wants to bring that knowledge back to Cybertron and see what other bots do with it.
-Optimus has a collection of skeezy romance novels. The equivalent on Cybertron is kind of an obscure rarity, only really sold in the seediest of places, so he couldn't really believe how easy it was to find smut like that on Earth. The intrinsic human fleshiness of the book characters always weirds him out just a bit, but not enough to ruin it for him. It's not really the pornographic aspect he's interested in, after all, it's the romantic aspect. He keeps his digital stash double encrypted in his datatrax, because he knows if anyone found it (cough cough bumblebee cough) he'd never hear the end of it.
-giving Blitzwing internet access was a mistake. Now he knows what memes are and random has been making that every other decepticon's problem since he found out. Megatron has to constantly guess whether what would normally be a standard Blitzwing non sequitur is actually a setup for Megatron to get laughed at by the entire human internet. He's fallen for updog, he's fallen for Ligma, he will NOT be caught slipping again.
-while he was undercover, once a week, shockwave would call Megatron and complain over a few barrels of oil about what kind of stupid slag his pompous idiot crankshaft coworkers would pull. One of the few autobot names Megatron could remember was Sentinel Prime, solely from the long list of transgressions Shockwave has drunkenly recounted.
-Soundwave hates most humans but he's decided that a few specific bands whose music he likes will be spared when the revolution comes, inferior as they may be.
-Prowl sends jazz earth music sometimes. It's pretty much blown Jazz's mind because most of the music on Cybertron is propaganda songs. He's not really used to songs about things other than war heroes, or even songs with no words at all. Just music for its own sake.
-Sentinel Prime's only friend is Cliffjumper and Cliffjumper only hangs out with him for brown nosing sycophantic reasons, not because he actually likes the guy.
-Ultra Magnus knows he's a corrupt bastard. He doesn't lose sleep over it, as long as his public image is good.
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