#tfw they complete each other

[jmgangel]

The difference between Souyo and Shuake is so stark but also they are the same To Me.

[simmersofia]

[frankenstheythem]

i cant even begin to explain the amount of bullshit and idiotic behavior i had to endure these days ive been away,,,, fucks sake

[gilverrwrites]

Im back on my supernatural shit, can you please do TFW + Gabe and anyone else you wanna do reacting to finding out the reader had a dirty dream about them?

Author note: Me too Boo, me too. I added lucifer, just cause I wanted too. Hope you enjoy! I also switched things up with gifs for each instead of one image for everyone. Lemme know which one you guys prefer.

Rating: M/18+

Please remember: that it is enough to exist as you are.

Dean

You’ve never seen a bigger shit-eating grin in all your life; he looks like he hit the jackpot.

No matter how much or how little you tell him, he won’t stop making jokes or bragging how bad you want it.

Dean I need you t- “Yeah you do.” Stop it! “Bet you weren’t saying that in your dreams last night.” *Gesturing at something even remotely suggestive* “Hey hey hey, did we do that?”

He promises to stop if you give him the full run down.

And when you do, he’s like Christmas came early.

All wide eyes and dopy smiles, occasional blushing.

He’s got a million and one questions throughout, but the final and most is obviously: “You wanna go at the real thing?”

Sam

Immediate shuts down for like 5 minutes. His brain has to comprehend and then reboot.

He won’t joke or make fun of you, at least not in front of other people.

But as soon as you’re alone, he’s got questions, lots of detail-oriented questions.

He’s not outright asking what your dream was, just teasing you with meticulously detailed fantasies of his own posed as questions.

“Did I make you beg for it? Did you make me beg?” “Were you completely naked, stretched out underneath me? Were my hands around your throat?” “What did I say? Did I tell you I would ruin you? That you deserved it? Did you want me to?”

Castiel

Angels don’t dream. Primarily because they don’t sleep.

So, he’s not really sure what to make of this confession at first.

Queue the signature furrowed brow and head tilt.

“Why?” I don’t know, I didn’t do it on purpose! “That’s true. I suppose this is your mind’s subconscious way of informing you that you are sexually attracted to me."

Boy, he doesn’t beat around bushes.

He would need time to stew on it from there.

It could be hours, days, maybe weeks before he brings it up again.

“I am curious about your dream.” What dr- oh right. “I am flattered. Should you be willing, I would like to discuss this more. For example, which of us…”  

Gabriel

You can sense the raised brows and the satisfied smirk before he even does it.

“Reeeeeally?”

Gabe’s reaction is very similar to Deans, just like a Trickster in a candy store.

Only he’ll wait to get you alone before he starts bombarding you.

If you won’t tell him outright, he’ll keep guessing.

And every new guess is accompanied by a costume and/or scenery change.

“Maybe we filmed the newest instalment of casa erotica?” “No? Maybe you paid Dr Sexy a visit?” “Mile high club?” “No? Kinkier? You into a little BDSM?”

I’ll let you fill in the visual blanks. 😉

Lucifer

His reaction is a lot more subdued. 

That doesn’t make it any less dubious. You can feel the smugness radiating off of him.

He’ll ask earnestly enough to start out.

“Do you want to tell me about it?”

When you refuse, he doesn’t push. Doesn’t joke, or tease.

But the smile he keeps giving you.

The way he watches you, totally engrossed but poised, is enough to drive you crazy.

When he finally asks again, later on, in that low, relaxed tone:

“Are you sure you don’t want to tell me all about your dirty little fantasies?”

Temptation really is his game.

[myhaireatskids]

tfw youre an adult and your art skills improved and you can finally draw your anime otp sloppin each other's lips without it looking like complete doo-doo ass

[heartscrypt]

tfw you sign your soul over to an eldritch fear deity in order to regain some semblance of control over your own life (tma au)

nobody understands how fucking crazy i am about this au. its tormenting me. also epel is here as well he's corruption he has a lot of worms in him sorry in advance

closeups + design notes + au jamil fun facts under the cut!

(tw some body horror stuff? eye stuff)

design notes

his hair jewelry has been replaced with spider silk cocoons / string. also very obviously spider themed hair gem thing

spider eyes! both in the way of he has 8 human eyes and actual spider eyes on his neck

web tattoos. they spin outwards and grow in a kind of mesmerizing hypnotic pattern when he uses his powers

his braids now form a spiderweb pattern. hes also prematurely greying a little LOLL

his belt chains form a spiderweb pattern as well

he has piercings! an erl piercing across his nose bridge and four piercings on each ear

his pants are based off the spider-tailed horned viper-- a snake whose tail has evolved to look like a spider so the birds it feeds on will mistake its tail for prey

au jamil notes

his backstory pretty much remains the same honestly

except when he's around 11, instead of getting poisoned and falling into a coma, he gets trapped in a buried-aligned artifact that he touched while cleaning one of the asim treasure rooms

nobody could find him for weeks and kalim was really tearing up the whole estate about it because he insisted that jamil would never run off or disappear without a reason

jamil escapes the buried by taking the assistance of the web (he does it in the way of "i don't know what's going on but this thing is reaching out to help me and i don't want to die so fuck it" but he's still accepting the web into his life regardless)

after two weeks they find him covered in cobwebs and dust in the treasure room and he gets scolded for making everyone worry

he doesn't even bother trying to explain to people what happened to him because he knows it's too unbelievable for them. he spins a lie and he's surprised by how natural it is to just Lie to people

jamil's powers as an avatar of the web manifest visually as him "pulling strings" out of people's eyes. like unwinding their irises like they're spools of thread. if you've seen the prev post on web!jamil you know what it looks like

if he leaves the iris-strings half unwound they become very suggestible, very easily manipulated

however if he yanks out the iris-strings fully, he can turn the other person into a complete blank slate. no thoughts head empty. basically an empty cocoon of a person. he tends not to do this because 1) it's very conspicuous and 2) it renders the victim completely useless to the web

he has to concentrate very hard to do this and he can usually pull on only one person's iris-strings at a time

[m1ssunderstanding]

Get Back Rewatch 55 Years On: Day 17

George is so sweet to put so much effort into helping Ringo write his song and to not ask for any kind of writing credit. Do unto others as you would have them do unto you, right? But also, I’d do that for Ringo too if I were him. Ringo deserves it for everything he’s given to that band and the little credit he’s received. 

“What am I playing, Richie?” “You’ll be on drooms.” If the Beatles know how to do one thing, it’s be cute. 

John, stop talking about Paul’s strong arms, you're embarrassing yourself. 

I do have to just include this here. From my Get Back book. I never heard, “was it sexually oriented?” on the nagra reels, but apparently that’s what Peter Jackson’s cleaned-up version gave him, and again, he was like, “hmm. Too gay.” 

He’s known Heather for how long? Less than a year, right? But if somebody had showed me just this footage and told me he’d raised her from a newborn, I would not blink an eye. That kind of tired but fond interaction is exactly how a dad plays with his kid. And she’s climbing all over him and bossing him around like he’s never not been in her life. It’s beautiful. 

And John, with his “are you going to eat them?” is the perfect sort of bad-example favorite uncle. The kind that would check her out of school when she’s older and go get her ears pierced when her dad had said she was too young. 

Sorry, I promise I’m not just going to be thirsting over dad Paul this whole time. I have to just make one thing clear, and this is the only thing I’ll say on the subject and then I’m done. If a man is a 3 and a good dad, he’s a 10. Paul was already an 11, so I’m literally just done-for. Okay, I’ll shut up. 

John and Paul doing their usual thing, only paying attention to each other. Talking about an Elvis gospel ending for Let it Be. George, smirking, stands up: and we’ll all kneel as you do it. If John had said it, Paul would be in stitches. But George said it, and he might as well have never opened his mouth for all the notice he gets. And it’s honestly heartbreaking, if you can take your eyes off of the insanity of John and Paul’s weird eye-contact, to watch George’s face go from excited at his own wit and hopeful for a laugh to just completely downcast. Twelve years of that. Twelve years. 

Ringo, you’re an absolute saint. He’s being so sweet to Heather, even letting her mess with his symbols, and then Paul has the audacity to tell him to “keep it lighter.” Like. Paul. Do you think that maybe the fact that he’s got a five-year-old over there “helping” him might have anything to do with how the drums are coming out? Just a thought. Anyone else would at least have something to say about it. Ringo just sort of nods along but he looks SO tired.

TFW you’re inspiring the next generation of women to be loud and free and take up space.

“Dig it” is actually insane to me. I know I’m crazy, but remember those twin dreams they had about buried treasure when they first met? “If you want it, you can dig it up.” ???

When George and Paul just jump into harmonizing together when they’re talking about The Long and Winding Road arrangement? Their voices are like magic together. I wish they would’ve had George sing that part in the final thing, actually.  

[rius-cave]

Imagine--

Lucifer thinks he's alone in a sitting room, fidgeting with his wedding ring, holding back tears as he laments something along the lines of "Lilith, why did you leave me? Where are you now? What did I do wrong?"

Little does he know that Adam entered not too long ago and overheard the whole thing. Adam just stands there, overwhelmed by an unwelcome sense of deja vu and, even worse, sympathy.

UGH,,,,,,, FUCK. FRIEND, HOW DID I NOT THINK OF THIS MYSELF?????? RIGHT, LILITH LEFT THEM BOTH NOW, THEY'RE ON THE SAME FUCKING BOAT. tfw your two ex-husbands rebound with each other huh

Okay but seriously,,,,,, that's so good RRGGHHH I'm biting my shirt. Adam doesn't even get jealous this time cause it hits so close to home that he can't help but actually try and comfort him this time! I think when someone asked me about Adam comforting Lucifer after a bad time, it was really hard in my head to figure out a reason why Adam would do that. But this? This... Ohohoho it's perfect, I want to eat it.

Lucifer's smugness about stealing his two wives is completely gone. He's only left wondering why Adam, of all people, is the one giving him a half hug and looking like he wants to say something. And then it clicks, that he knows exactly what he's going through, and for a second he sympathizes with him as well, because in Adam's case, HE'S the one who caused him this pain (though Adam had it well earned back then. Lucifer really doesn't understand what he did wrong now).

It's quiet, Adam didn't say much besides "hey, I get it" and "it'll get better" but they sit there for a while, and it's enough for now.

[happilyfeatherafter]

Happilyfeatherafter's ficrec Fridays

Happy Friday everyone. Time for my third week of fics I've read and loved recently. It's been a busy one so just a few this week, but they're all brilliant and with fortuitous timing if you're not one to read WIPs as two are about to be completed this weekend. If you missed last week's you can find it here for more!

19 January 2024

it dawns darling on the daffodil pastures by fleeceframe (@tasteslikevelvet) - what can I say? I audibly gasped when I saw the email notification that this had been posted. Every fleeceframe fic is like being gently told it's okay to slip away for a little while and just feel, and oh boy does this one deliver on that promise. A new instalment in the lovely garden tending series, but can be read as a standalone, this features sweet subby Dean asking his gentle dom Cas to take care of him, with as fleeceframe says "religious tones in the sexy fashion, and a decent amount of plot sprinkled in." When a hunt almost ends in disaster, Dean reflects on what it means to have the unconditional love of his angel watching over him. (Siri, play Radio Company.)

Wait for the Ricochet by @bobwess gives me all the time travel shenanigans I could hope for bringing a young teen Sam and Dean forward to the bunker to meet tfw circa season 12. A wip, it just updated with a new chapter that totally made me cry with all the young queer feelings. A lovely balance of fish out of water plot and coming to terms with a future whilst reckoning with your past, with wonderful sibling dynamics as well as a burgeoning destiel relationship that's still tentatively feeling it's way.

where there is darkness by quiettewandering (@wanderingcas) has been such a wonderful wip to follow along and the final chapters are being posted this weekend HAVE JUST BEEN POSTED!!! so there's no better time to start reading. I'm not ready to let these guys go! With an incredible amount of research, this is lighthouse keeper Dean (and Sam) in a post-war setting exploring how Dean keeps a handle on his ptsd whilst also grappling with having seen his father die. Meanwhile Cas has a past packed full of secrets, and where better to run and hide than a job at an isolated lighthouse where nobody knows him. They're each other's lights in the darkness whilst the ghosts of the past haunt them all, in this eerie and gothic romantic story that truly grips you by the throat.

Fortunate Son by @friendofcarlotta is another wip that's about to post its final chapter NOW COMPLETE and absolute masterclass in character development. Set during the Vietnam war, Sam is a law student and conscientious objector, Cas the son of a strict rich and religious family who is bought out of participating, and Dean determined to follow in his father's footsteps to become a war hero like the stories he heard when he was younger. Despite butting heads at first, Dean and Cas soon find themselves falling for each other. But the war is vicious, and unjust, and they all must grapple with how it impacts their lives in unexpected ways.

(and heck, because I can, and because this is what I was doing last weekend in lieu of reading, here's my Dean Winchester SPNWIN voiceover audio post, and my first ever attempt at an AMV fanvid featuring Ada Monroe).

[fandomfluffandfuck]

Help, i fell down a Marvel rabbit hole.

So the Endgame dilemma with Steve's decision had me thinking about other 'happy places' for Bucky and of course there's the obvious with Sam after TFWS but can we just for a minute think about Bucky maybe refreshing something nice from his time in recovery in Wakanda?

I found not a lot of fics but the thought of Bucky getting back there and kinda warming up with M'Baku again? This pairing just has something to me, especially with the whole grumpy but secretly subby White Wolf meets sarcastic domineering great Gorilla M'Baku...

Why would I help, lmao? I'm at the bottom of a very similar hole. The more the marrier! Welcome to the trash pile 💀💀

All good options, all good options, but I will say, anon, I welcome you to fully embrace the exhilarating option of: completely ignoring the events of Endgame.

As captivating as the idea of subby white wolf and domineering gorilla M'Baku is 😮‍💨... as much as I love all the ship content that has come out of Sebastian's and Mackie's banter as Bucky and Sam... I am weak for stucky. It's 🤌🏻everything about them🤌🏻 The childhood best friends to lovers, the wartime sweethearts, the going against the whole world for each other, the dying for each other, the living for each other.

Okay, so I'm laying my cards fully on the table to say that I hate Endgame, explaining why I like to ignore it. And with that being said, here are some anti-Endgame (some of them also straight up anti-steggy/anti-peggy) related metas that I find thought-provoking that I think you might, too. They're just to kick around the idea if you're interested in a different perspective that comes from what I see as deeper in the fandom (idk how true that is,though, lol)--something you might not have come across yet if you're new to this rabbit hole. Obviously, you don't have to read these, though! And I'm not saying you can't ship sambucky or Bucky x M'Baku. You're totally welcome to! I see the appeal myself 👀

Anyway, here:

Bucky's insecurities

No mourning of Steve

Secrets between Steve & Peggy

Endgame destroying Steve's character

More character destruction

Steve choosing Bucky

More stucky devotion

I'd rather Steve die

The no-homo-ing of gay ships in Hollywood

Steve and loyalty

Steve, the shield, Bucky, and Peggy

Steve's ending doesn't make sense (essay)

The Bucky Steve leaves behind

The look on Bucky's face

Uhh... I may have gotten carried away with the links. Listen, I just feel strongly, okay 💀💀

If you do find any good M'Baku and Bucky fics, feel free to send them my way 👀

[shallowseeker]

Why is Dean so stressed in 14x17?

(We know why.)

Ahem:

The visuals of this are pretty goddamned painful

And WTF is UP with these foreshadowing lyrics??? soft country music -> Jackie Stewart's Maybe Tomorrow>

We had a quarrel Like lovers do Still I can't make my heart Believe we're through For I still love you With all my heart And life means nothing When we're apart Maybe tomorrow When comes the dawn Maybe the dark clouds Will all be gone Maybe tomorrow The sun will shine Maybe tomorrow You'll still be mine

etc etc

This could be foreshadowing...OR maaybe Dean n' Cas actually had a smallish weird fight about Cas leaving again.

I mean, Cas is lying about a ton of stuff (Empty deal, Felix the snake, searching for God), and Dean is pretty good at pinging that, even when he tries to swallow it down and overlook it.

///

And Dean?

Dean is so stressed out that not only do Mary and Jack notice, but they're taking actions to calm him down/cheer him up

Sam prooooobably knows why Dean is unhinged, so he quickly volunteers to get outta Dodge and pick up the food. (I feel ya, Sammy. You are me in this moment.)

Meanwhile, Dean struggles to win Mouse Trap. We get a closeup of the foot kicking the "audience" eye. NOTE that in the actual game, it's just a plain silver ball.

Or at least that's how I remember it and have always seen it. If anyone know of a version that was released with an eye, hit me up.

Otherwise I'm gonna assume it was completely intentional, and Dean is trying to have a normal family game night without "us" interfering.

<Cue Dean screaming over sucking at the game>

He's, uh, wound pretty tightly today, actually.

We can see that from Jack and Mary's following convo. Seems like today, they're the ones tag-teaming to mollify Dean.

(Dean, who is stressed because Cas is AWOL and acting cagey and probably not answering his phone again.)

JACK: "I thought this was supposed to relax him."

Ahahaha, oh Mary. "Let's give Dean a little game and he'll relaxies and be nicies to us!"

Oh yea.

Cas definitely isn't answering his phone, and everyone is tiptoeing around Dean because of it.

///

Tragedy: Jack & Mary get along really well!

Just gonna point out that Jack is actually VERY comfortable with her in general.

He spent MONTHS with her at war. She was his advisor. Given that he ran away from TFW a few weeks after his birth, much of his formative parenting was done by Mary Campbell Winchester, not Sam and Dean (nor Cas)!

She checks in with Jack, but she doesn't push. Result? Genuine, blunt Jack emotions:

(MARY is thinking "FUCK, first my oldest son is acting like a basket-case and screaming at a toddler's game and now my grandson is acting like this. FML. Cas, come home now. Plz for the love of all that is holy.")

Tragically, because of the trust and comradery between them, Mary offers something the others don't: permission to vent.

(MARY: Jack, if you wanna talk shit about everyone, I love shit-talk. )

Funnily enough, Mary doesn't use a lot of words here. It's a partially silent communication. "If you ever wanna vent..." (gentle head tilt like, 'y'know.')

JACK: You're here. I know. (silent appreciative looks, then Jack makes a head motion like 'c'mon let's go').

And ACTUALLY.

Jack reacts genuinely well to that. He and Mary...get each other. He feels comfortable telling her what he really thinks.

See, I think this emotional permissiveness that we see with Mary is devastating. Jack tends to get more genuinely irritable and say what he thinks with Mary (also Dean n' Cas). Even when he's soulless and working hard to "perform" soulfulness, his real irritation slips out with her.

Tragically, that means she was probably always more risk with Jack. Because he's more comfortable throwing his real, ugly emotions at them.

(Sam on the other hand is more cerebral and perhaps at times...unintentionally distant because it's all so eloquent, careful, scripted.)

///

DEAN: (swallowing his nerves and trying to be cheerful and teasing) All right! Winchester game night is a go! Soon as Sammy gets back with two double-pepperoni meat blasters...and a pineapple.

Jack seems appreciative of the banter here. He doesn't wanna be pushed right now.

///

Dean is weird when Sam doesn't pick up his phone right away

When Donatello lands in Nick-shaped peril, Dean tries to call Sam. ONCE. And it gets an...out-of-proportion reaction from Dean.

(It's also...a lot like John's voicemail in Phantom Traveler. "This is John Winchester. I can't be reached. If this is an emergency, call my son, Dean. He can help.")

He's prickly:

SAM: "You've reached Sam Winchester. If this is an emergency, call my brother."

DEAN: Sam's not answering his phone. This whole damn town's a dead zone.

That's...not exactly true, as least what we've see so far in the series? They make calls from the bunker a lot.

*coughs* This lends some credence to the fact that his prior stress (the stress that Jack and Mary were working together to help) is about his, uh, phone. Phone calls. Phone calls not being answered, even.

READ: This is about Cas. Who hasn't been answering his phone. And Dean? Dean rationalizes that maybe his calls aren't landing because of where he is.

///

There's some truth to Dean's woes/anxiety. When Cas leaves, bad things tend to happen. And hey, they happen when Cas is there too, sure, but with Cas there, Dean can't help but feel more resilient, more equipped to take on whatever-it-is.

///

But yeah, it's looking like Dean and Cas maybe already had a little, reserved/restrained fight prior to Jack killing Mary. Dean was acting...really weird. Forced.

[marvelfanfn2187a113]

I've seen you make incredible headcanons about Cassie Jr, Ben and the Winchester sister, but what would happen if the three of them met and lived together? How would they get along with each other and with Team Free Will?

Do you have headcanons for that? (you can add Clarie)🫶

This is the ultimate team up—Team Free Will Jr.

(They’ve also jokingly dubbed themselves “Team Dean’s kids”, but only when Dean isn’t around)

-despite being just around the same age, the Winchester sister pulls the “aunt” card to get her way whenever possible

-they swap Dean stories ALL the time

-sister Winchester has the most dirt on Dean, and she shares willingly

-they constantly have to fight TFW on hunting and really anything dangerous

-none of them have the same set of parents and Dean gets a lot of teasing for that

-little sister Winchester gets away with SO MUCH more teasing of Sam and Dean, but when Ben or Cassie Jr try to do it, Dean tells them to respect their father

-this is a trio of complete and utter chaos, and anyone you want to add (Clair, Jack, Alex, whoever) will only add to the chaos

[randomnameless]

For whatever reason, I was skimming 3 Hopes TV Tropes despite the controversial rep about the users editing Fodlan are.

I don’t whatever the person adding this was smoking, but it paints a rather “stereotypical” view on foreigners putting it lightly…

---

Eh, that’s Nopes in a nutshell for you, anon.

Sometimes you want to be progressive and depict “other” nations, only to fall back on Grandma’s guide to survive in the “Orient” from the 1810s.

Sometimes IS completely messes up with the message they want to tell (TFW Tellius’ woes originated from Lehran losing his powers when he fucked Altina, but hey, this game is totes anti racism we swear!) and sometimes, you have, well, Fodlan and its self-awareness (who cares about the war, let’s drink some tea and uwu about our cute students, plot be damned! Nabateans? What’s that, a new pastry?) and then, we have Nopes with Mr “those people are so backwards with their outdated values I’ll impose mine by raiding and pillaging their lands and killing their beloved pope whose only sin was to crash on their couch and to eat ice cream, because I hate her guts for some reason”.

That TV Tropers also seemed to have missed Shamir saying Dagda values more “freedom” than Fodlan, even if it means people are free to kill each other, and we are just left wondering what the actual fuck Nopes wanted to say, like, everyone out of Fodlan is a barbarian, per Grandma’s old handbook, or what?

Hell, at this rate I’m wondering if the writers weren’t so full of Hresvelg Grey that they suddenly wrote Brigid and Dagda to have “crap” values, to justify Adrestia periodically trying to conquer them...

“Fodlan should open its borders!”

Looks at Fodlan’s neighbours per Nopes : uh yeah. how about no.

[mitskijamie]

tfw you and your gf break up because you keep trying to dom each other but it doesn’t work because you’re both doms and need a 25 year old footballer who you sometimes walk like a dog to solve all of your relationship issues

No srsly. It actually fr happens several times….like in s2e1 Roy is like “I’ll make you beg for forgiveness later 😏😏” and Keeley just doesn’t acknowledge it and changes the subject…..and then later in s2 she tries to tell him that it’s “so fucking hot” when he does “exactly what she tells him to do” and he ignores her and gets on top of her so she won’t try to Jamiefy him LMFAO

And then obviously I don’t even know where to begin with the Insane conversation where Keeley is talking about how she thinks it’s sexy when Roy cries and he’s like “why do you have a kink for me being pathetic” and she’s like “Jamie :(” . But I do know that it fits into my agenda

Roy and Keeley are very sexually normal together, which is not necessarily a bad thing, but they’re both such complete freaks with Jamie, and Keeley was obviously somewhat sexually frustrated at times (jerking off to videos of Roy crying about football), which makes me think that they’re just not like. The most sexually compatible

But obviously that’s fine because there’s a very simple solution as we know

[dirtbra1n]

well since you obviously said it isn't a trap! what are your thoughts on hirano and sasaki :)

so it was a trap in the end. surprise! it’s just that it was supposed to be like a pit trap and it still is one just stupid deep. I’ve been in this pit for so long. sorry for leaving you waiting. it’s been ruminating for this long now and my thoughts aren’t organized to begin with so we Might as well just get on with it

tldr Tfw you and your best friend are queer at the same time and are sort of constantly orbiting around one another about it in weird liminal space where you’re simultaneously telling each other everything but never saying something

so I don’t know if you’ve gotten the chance to read the sasamiya first years novel yet highly recommend it Sound of the summer. but there was. like. an unprecedented amount of stuff in there that gutted me. like the last chapter. here’s the chapter image by the way

psychological warfare on me specifically. just Look I’ll bold the highlights:

He wants to pull himself up, I thought. He just hasn’t found anything to give him that push.

Not that it was any business of mine.

“Sun’s pretty high in the sky by now. There shouldn’t be any direct sunlight on your desk this time of day,” I said. “You came all the way to school. As long as you have the chance to make the effort, why not make it?”

With that encouragement, Sasaki got to his feet, swaying slightly. As I watched him brush the dust off his uniform, I decided to suggest to the Disciplinary Committee that we should make sure this area got swept periodically. We wouldn’t want any part of the school, even one off-limits to students, to look grimy.

“Mmm… Well, I guess I could handle one worksheet. If you’ll help me, Hirano.” The way he still seemed completely harmless was almost funny.

“Yeah, I’ll help you. If you really have it with you. If you don’t, then go talk to the teacher and get another copy before lunch is over.”

“Yeah, yeah.”

I almost cracked a smile at the sense of friendliness he exuded. “You should only say ‘yeah’ once. Break’s over in five minutes, you know. You could stand to look like you’re sweating it a little.”

This time, Sasaki drew it out into a single “yeeeah.” He started down the stairs, and I fell into step beside him. “Hey, give me your phone number,” I said softly, rushing it out.

“You?” he said, apparently not expecting that at all.

I was surprised to discover I felt a rush of embarrassment. I kept my eyes determinedly forward. “It’s a pain in the ass not being able to get ahold of you.” It felt funny, looking after a guy my own age like this, but I couldn’t stop myself. I figured getting Sasaki’s contact info now would make it easier if I needed something with him in the future.

Sasaki Shuumei.

My first impression was that he did things by the seat of his pants. My second—that he was a lot of trouble.

for my own peace of mind. will largely copy-paste what I’ve already said

like. how else do I say that this feels like. pre-romance. you’d think it’s WEIRD for these two. but there’s still that feeling. that hirano feels drawn to look after sasaki in like EXACTLY the same way he felt drawn to look after kagi. the like. “Hey, give me your phone number,” I said softly, rushing it out. sasaki sweeping dust off himself and hirano getting the idea to suggest the disciplinary committee sweep EVERYWHERE. with that underlying feeling of I don’t want you to get dirty. seeing where sasaki is, not wanting to move forward, and wanting (quietly, subconsciously) to help him with it. Maybe we were supposed to be having this conversation.

like what’s WITH that. why does it FEEL LIKE THAT

like part of it totally is the whole I have feelings for you I have feelings for you too (the feeling they’re both feeling is friendship) but it’s ALSO. ITS SOMETHING ELSE TOO. and it’s SO interesting to bite into because this novel like. very suddenly threw at us this different angle at which to view the relationships we’re already familiar with. and without even knowing it hirano and sasaki’s friendship—which was ALREADY liable to tear me asunder—was actually EVEN MORE LOADED with things to blow my dick clean off No don’t leave that in.

like we knew already that hirano’s this diligent kind of guy, but he gets this task that he feels is absolutely not his fucking job (tell sasaki to turn in a worksheet) and then he, like. gets pissy about it Yeah but also takes it exactly as seriously as you’d EXPECT him to. he complains about not feeling full at lunch even on a regular gym day, but he ate fast to have more time. to look for sasaki. he looked in every typical playing-hooky kind of space in the school, physically moving up the school, floor by floor, as he searched. and then he’s out of places. except for the school roof, which is locked, but he gets suspicious and goes to check anyway.

Ogasawara said Sasaki hates the heat. From that perspective, the stairway looked like a cozy hole in the ground.

I pushed aside the whiteboard proclaiming that the roof was for “authorized personnel only” and took a hesitant step onto the stairs. I worked my way up to the landing, doing my damnedest not to make a sound. I turned and saw someone.

“There you are!” I sighed.

Sasaki was at the uppermost part of the staircase. The door to the roof was indeed locked, and the only window that let any light in was far away. Sasaki was sitting in a shadowy spot, leaning against the cool wall, listening to music.

“Oh,” he said, his eyes drifting open. His ya-caught-me expression seemed out of place on the dusty staircase. It was the disinterested reaction of a guy who just didn’t care about school.

“The hell are you doing here?” I said. Had he really been sitting there all day? Didn’t his butt get sore?

Sasaki slid off his headphones and gave me a questioning look. “Er, Hirano, right? Whatcha need?”

He remembers my name? That surprised me. Maybe my golden hair gave it away.

“What do I need? To tell you that you have to turn in a worksheet for Modern Literature today. You’re the only one who hasn’t.”

Only then did it occur to me that it would have been far more efficient just to have Ogasawara send him a text. I’d been asked to tell him to turn in the worksheet, but I wasn’t ordered to collect it from him. Still, it was true that I was concerned about his “flying by the seat of his pants” approach to life. Maybe we were supposed to be having this conversation.

and really when you read the entire chapter with this understanding of its Weirdness you’ll notice all these various ways hirano has noticed things about sasaki (“No wonder he always seemed to be eating bread at lunch.”) and it’s just like. Where do we go from here.

and then you look at early hirakagi and sasaki’s subtitle is “The Classmate” and it’s BEWILDERINGLY FUNNY

like this is hysterical to me. you share this strangely intimate moment with this guy you feel drawn to look after despite everything and then after that he’s not even your friend yet.

we see what the beginning of their friendship looks like, we see how invested hirano is in sasaki’s just. everything! we see how much he sees sasaki (apathetic, placid, a couple steps from delinquency, though he’s not moving towards it) and we see how much he WANTS sasaki to get past it!!! and then they aren’t even friends yet. because hirano is unbeatably weird about his relationships with all people. what the hell is wrong with you hirano taiga. I love you.

AND THAT ISN’T EVEN GETTING INTO THE WAY SASAKI GETS ABOUT HIRANO.!!!!! because just. god I think the reason I was putting this off is because it makes me want to cry. We all remember this scene right

because I remember. think I could probably get whacked over the head with a fire extinguisher, get amnesia’d, and still remember this scene in blinding detail. have I said already that I’m insane. I went on this big long tangent in sunnnfish’s tags about it one time, and I’m gonna quote myself on that:

the way sasaki who even now at this point in time is generally apathetic and walled off from emotion / who is walking with a friend of his who also generally isn’t much for externalizing how he feels / sees an aspect of that friends life that he hardly sees / and thus sees an aspect of that FRIEND he hardly sees / and that aspect is. it’s so. / like i’m losing my grip on this framing / sasaki knows hirano to be kind of a hardass and stick in the mud / and all of a sudden out of nowhere hirano is like Head back without me and sasaki / who until that moment hadn’t been paying attention. had therefore been observing and feeling nothing / looks up and sees. hirano doing something so (to sasaki) UN-hiranolike / because of kagi. and sasaki has to notice that. because he and hirano are friends. and sasaki is someone who notices things

the much shorter quote that sums up my feelings on this scene just about as well is as follows: LIKE GOD. LOOK AT SASAKI’S EYES. YOU GET WHAT I MEAN / DON’T YOU?

like you. I have to collect myself this is so embarrassing I hate you sasaki shuumei….. <- lie YOU GET THESE PIECES AND START PUTTING THEM TOGETHER. that their friendship started at the top of a stairwell that was kind of like a cozy hole in the ground, and hirano saw the sasaki there that was kind of just. not in a place to care! and he reached out to him in his pissy hardass way and asked shyly for his number and agreed to help with his work and started this process that got sasaki to. HERE!!!! they weren’t friends until somehow someway sometime they were and when hirano tells sasaki to go back without him he placidly agrees until he sees what hirano is doing and he gets this look in his eyes and it’s. I think I subconsciously know to avoid talking about sasaki because I can’t ever help but get unbearably emotional.

they’re just

they’re friends. and they care about each so much and the jump from their first year first-contact fucking. rendezvous in the stairwell leading to the roof, where it’s just them two in a place where neither of them is supposed to be, where hirano still resolves to keep it clean. which could mean nothing. to their second year where you can just look at sasaki’s eyes and glean something beyond words that has permanently ruined my life. to their third year where they’re so easy and comfortable and hirano smiles easily and with affection and sasaki has grown into someone who would be a stranger to first year hirano, but not an unwelcome one. you just. you have to get it! you have to understand!

so hey. we’ve made it this far in. right? we have. so can I please just

hirano sees sasaki, wants to help him despite being the same age -> sasaki, two years later, undeniably friends with this guy who he can be deeply himself with, wants help with something, sees hirano, notices how focused in on his own work he is, probably puzzles together how worn out he’s gotta be, and resolves not to ask for it.

we’ve made it this far in together, right? so I’ll do you the favor of not drawing this comparison to kagi even though I kind of want to, both for your sake but mostly for mine. because it might kill me to put those words together and I need to wipe my eyes AGAIN I HATE YOU SASAKI SHUUMEI!!!!!!!! <- liar

but there’s this thing that is so so evident through hirakagi specifically where you see sasaki seeing something and resolving to hold onto it for hirano’s sake. sasaki sees how worn out hirano is and refuses to put more stress on him. sasaki sees hirano interacting with roommate-kun and makes up his mind to keep as many of those details from miyano as possible.

he just cares. sasaki just cares.

so now this If you thought I was being weird before. man. let me quote myself again

like. it . these two. it almost feels like sasaki is thinking about miyano just to remind you that the weirdness here is totally Not something we should be latching onto. like sasaki SHOULD know already that miyano would NOT want him hunching over. but how else would we get THIS

what is with sasaki and hirano and this FEELING.

sasaki’s own line of ellipses. I mean, it’s not like you’re short or anything. Oh. But then Roommate-kun’s taller than me, isn’t he?

WHAT IS WITH SASAKI AND HIRANO AND THIS FEELING.

@sunnnfish comments here on the liminality, “a special space where time and space feel weird. Almost like it shouldn’t exist”

a couple steps to the left

like sasaki and miyano.. they don’t really get all that many liminal moments. and hirano and kagi get their moments but they’re like. MOMENTS. but sasaki and hirano…… every one of them, it feels like, when they’re alone, just the two of them. every one of them has that liminal feeling where everything’s weird, and you’re speaking around this impossible SOMETHING in your mouth, sat on your tongue, not going anywhere, and your words come out sort of jumbled for it. your brain tunes it out, thoughts about this and that, anything else, but the busyness just serves to emphasize that space on your tongue that is being taken up by….. whatever it is. like an x-ray, what’s being seen through and what isn’t.

…

like this moment where it’s just them and liminality is inescapable, they HAVE to talk about roommate-kun and he HAS to think about miyano. they have to. just a couple steps to the left, but this isn’t that. Oh. But Roommate-kun’s taller than me, isn’t he?

I’m a rotten husk, if you couldn’t tell. going to take one more second on that FUCKING. LINE because there’s something about it to me.

S: You of all people?

H: Huh?

S: Oh, no…

S: ………

S: I mean, it’s not like you’re short or anything. Oh. But then Roommate-kun’s taller than me, isn’t he?

his demeanor, his nine point ellipses, scratching the back of his head. then he thinks about kagi and draws the comparison. I’m gonna be sick I think actually

and then sunnnfish threw a right hook re: recontextualizing hirano’s They really have gotten close… …… Well, I guess there’s nothing wrong with that.

SF: … it’s like. In our canon universe that Not shifted a little to the left Hirano watches Sasaki evolve so much. Because of Miyano. Sasaki rather suddenly became such a close friend of his who he actively wants to see get better and find purpose and he sees him find that. At least a little. Even though he’s still apathetic he has more pep in his step. And there’s something there in all of that too. Just. Watching your best friend fall in love and change. That’s like it’s own kind of fucked up. Especially considering on some level he wanted to be the one to help sasaki. But he’s also happy that sasaki seems happier. I’m getting lost in the sauce I feel

DB: NO YEAH YOURE GETTING ME THERE

so I’ll drag back the tldr. sasaki and hirano have a really queer friendship and it’s a pang through the heart if you’re at all like me. number one secret third thing of my heart, because they’re actually really mundane and their friendship is so liminal and. look when I say. okay I’m gonna say something. their friendship is kind of romantic. just not necessarily in a romantic way. okay? all right.

one last. Let me sort of quote myself one last time I promise

sasaki too this GUY…. like of course I like the sasaki sasaki is with miyano. he’s everything to me even. but I think part of this secret third thing with hirano is like. the clear shot of the sasaki that. well not everyone sees him this way, tashiro thinks he’s scary. and ogasawara is gonna have a different view of him too because they’ve known each other for a few years now. but hirano went looking for him—when he realized HIMSELF that he literally could have just had ogasawara SEND HIM A TEXT—he went looking for him and found him in that stairwell that he was NOT supposed to be in and spoke to him, like he was maybe SUPPOSED to, and he sees this clear shot of the sasaki that is so. quiet friendly lonely and kind, a little timid and reclusive and aimless but not for lack of WANTING to pull himself up. this sasaki. and hirano gets a little short with him but he also wants to help him, wants to help pull him up, or at least help him WANT to pull himself up, wants to look after him

they’re weird and they care about each other so so so so sooooo so much because they’re friends. and sometimes they’re weird about each other. which is super normal. but as much as I’m waving my hands around clarifying this and that I’m standing by my initial statement with the stairwell. that was a really romantic framing. all right? okay.

I’m giving you a ladder out of the pit trap now. thank you very much for asking you’re a real good sport for that

[bylertruther]

imagine being will and getting stalked on your way home one night which leads to you finding yourself in a hell dimension that you are then hunted, starved, and died in, only to eventually be revived and brought back home. but... you're not really home, because whatever died within you left a space in you that the king of hell has made it his mission to fill.

you keep finding yourself back in hell any time you're alone, but you're not really alone because he's always in your shadow just on the other side, calling you back to him. you know of the evil he plans to do and while you don't know your place in all of this you do know that he allegedly doesn't want to hurt you. and yet... he still does. you run, you stand your ground, and you scream at him to go away, but it isn't enough and he doesn't. he's within you now, having infected your each and every cell until there is nothing within you that is truly yours. not your thoughts, not your body, nothing. he's controlling you and pushing you out of your own mind and body until its all his to do with as he pleases.

the people who love you most eventually get him out of you, but it's no use. he's still there, having melded himself to you somewhere beyond what the eye can see, but that you can still feel. he's in your very center, in the place where only you should reside. everyone else gets to be who they are, but not you. not anymore.

ever since you came back, even before he used a shadow monster to physically enter you, you've been willandhenry, not will. he can no longer move you, sure, but it's still just like before: you feel what he feels as he feels it, as if you're one. his pain, his rage, and his undying, steadfast ambition—all of it, everything, completely and entirely awful and grotesque as it is, lives and beats within you as it does him. him: a living, breathing, and all-powerful intrusive thought made reality and that you cannot will away no matter what you and everyone you love does.

like. Literally Okay . will byers aka strongest person ever because i would've clocked out five minutes into this unending nightmare. tfw the horrors are not just around you but especially loud and unrelenting within you + are you still happening there inside your body + am i a man still or is this what it means to be a monster + i want to go back to before there was a before and after, i want to be me again, i want to be a boy and not know the things that i know + feeling like a mistake because everyone gets to move on but you because you're always the outlier you're always the anomaly in everything no matter what i just. Okay . literally okay!!!!!