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#thank you for blessing me with this ask
qifreyplushie · 2 months
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If you're still taking art requests 👉👈 perhaps Xie Lian holding Hua Cheng princess style?
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hua cheng: ok now benchpress me
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Congrats you got another haiku bot post
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HAIKU BOT MOMENT!!!
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I have encountered issues with JVP in the past in regards to not accommodating kashrut/shabbat observance (and wheelchairs), but previously hasn’t heard about the Mikvah thing. Do you have any sources I can refer to?
Oh boy. Oh boy oh boy oh boy. The noise I made when I saw this ask.
You are probably unaware but I have literally been working on a post on this topic since February. Bless you for asking me about it and giving me a reason to share it. Genuinely. I'm delighted.
Without further ado, now that I've finally finished:
On the JVP Mikveh BS
Some of you are no doubt aware of the Jewish Voice for Peace Mikveh Guide (on JVP’s website here, and here on the Wayback Machine in case that link breaks). You may have seen the post I reblogged about it, you may have seen the post about JVP in general on @is-the-thing-actually-Jewish, or you may have heard about it elsewhere. Or maybe you’ve somehow managed to avoid all knowledge of its existence. (God I wish that were me.) Even if you know about it, even if you’ve scanned through it, you probably haven’t taken the time to read it through properly.
I have.
God help me.
I was originally looking through it to help draft the @is-the-thing-actually-Jewish post back in February, but some terrible combination of horror, indignation, and probably masochism compelled me to do a close reading, so that I could write this analysis and share it with you, dear readers. For those of you who’ve never heard of a mikvah, for those of you who’ve immersed in one, for those of you who’ve studied it intensely—I give you this, the fruit of my suffering, so you too can understand why “Mikveh: A Purification Ritual for Personal and Collective Transformation,” written by Zohar Lev Cunningham and Rebekah Erev for Jewish Voice for Peace has got so many people up in arms.
Brace yourselves. It’s going to be a long journey.
First off, a disclaimer: When I say something is “required in Jewish law” or whatnot, I’m talking about in traditional practice / Torah-observant communities; what is often called “Orthodox.” There’s a wide range of Jewish practice, and what is required in frum (observant) Judaism may not be required in Reform Judaism, etc. Don’t at me.
Second note: I myself am Modern Orthodox, and come from that perspective. I’m also very much more on the rationalist side than the mysticism side of things. I did run this past people from other communities. Still, if I’ve missed or misrepresented something, it was my error and was not meant maliciously.
Third: I am not a rabbi. I am a nerd who likes explaining things and doing deep dives. Again, I may have made errors–please let me know if you spot any, and I’d be happy to discuss them.
Now then. Before we get into the text itself, let’s give some background.
WHAT IS THIS MIKVEH THING ANYWAY?
A mikveh (or mikvah, both they and I switch between spellings; plural mikva’ot) is a Jewish ritual bath, sometimes translated as an immersion pool. Some communities or organizations that run mikva’ot will have a single all-purpose all-purpose, some have separate human- and utensil-pools, and some have separate women’s and men’s pools. The majority of the water in a mikvah has to be “living waters,” i.e. naturally collected rather than from a tap or a bucket. Some natural bodies of water can also be used, such as the ocean and some rivers (ask your local rabbi). The construction is complicated and has extremely detailed requirements. Here’s an example of a modern mikvah:
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(By Wikimedia Commons (ויקיגמדון) - Own work, Public Domain, https://commons.wikimedia.org/w/index.php?curid=17373540)
Whoever is being dunked (the scientific term) has to be entirely immersed, and the water has to be in direct contact with all of them. That means no clothes, no makeup, no hair floating on the top of the water, no feet touching the floor, no clenched fists. You have to be completely clean as well, so no dirt is obstructing you from the water.
In essence, a person or thing is immersed in a mikvah to change their/its state from tameh (ritually “impure”) to tahor (ritually “pure”). I use quotes because “pure/impure” aren’t really good translations—they have value judgments that tameh/tahor don’t. There’s nothing wrong with being tameh, you aren’t lesser because you are tameh—it’s just a state one enters when one comes into contact with death and related concepts. (There are also different levels of both.) As a matter of fact, technically speaking even after going to a mikvah basically all people are tameh now—the tum’ah (“impurity,” sort of) that comes from contact with dead humans can only be removed by the Red Heifer offering (see Numbers 19), which we can’t do without the Temple. (Why I say “all” even if you’ve never been to a funeral is a much much longer tangent that I’ll spare you for now.) To quote one of my editors on this, mikvah is “about the natural oscillation between states of ritual purity and impurity. Men go to mikveh after having seminal emissions. Menstruating women go to mikveh on a monthly basis (emphasis added).” It’s just states of life.
In the days of the Temple, one had to be tahor to enter it (the Temple). Archaeologists have found a ton of ancient mikva’ot in Jerusalem that were presumably used by people visiting the Temple, which personally I think is extremely cool.
Nowadays, there are three main traditionally required uses for a mikvah. First, and most importantly, observant married women will go about once a month as part of their niddah (menstrual) cycle, part of practice known as Taharat HaMishpacha, or “Family ‘Purity,’” which at its root is a way to sanctify the relationship between spouses. Until she immerses, a wife and husband cannot resume relations. And not just sex—in some communities, they can’t sleep in the same bed or even have any physical contact at all.
The second use is for conversion—immersion is a central part of the conversion ceremony. One enters the water a gentile, and emerges a Jew.
The third usage is a bit different as it’s not for people. Tableware—plates, cups, etc.—made of certain materials have to be immersed before they can be used. This isn’t what the Guide is about, so I’m not going to go into that as much, but felt remiss if I didn’t mention it was a thing. If you want to know more, Chabad has an article on it here.
Aside from uses required by Jewish law, there is a strong tradition in some communities for men to go to the mikveh just before Yom Kippur, or sometimes every week before the Sabbath, to enter the holiday in as “pure” a state as possible these days. (The things they’re “purifying” from still made them tameh, it just matters less without the Temple.) There is also a strong custom to immerse before one’s wedding. Less traditional communities have also started using mikvah for other transitional moments, such as significant birthdays or remission from cancer. There has recently been an “open mikvah” movement, which “is committed to making mikveh accessible to Jews of all denominations, ages, genders, sexual orientations, and abilities (Rising Tide Network old website, “Why Open Mikvah”).”
To quote others:
No other religious establishment, structure or rite can affect the Jew in this way and, indeed, on such an essential level. —Rebbetzen Rivkah Slonim, Total Immersion, as quoted on Chabad.org
The mikveh is one of the most important parts of a Jewish community. —Kylie Ora Lobell, “What Is a Mikveh?” on Aish.com
How important? According to Rav Moshe Feinstein, one of the great American rabbis of the 20th century, one should build a mikveh before building a synagogue in a town that has neither, and even in a town where there is a mikveh but it’s an inconvenient distance away from the community (Igros Moshe: Choshen Mishpat Chelek 1 Siman 42).
A mikveh is more important than a synagogue.
I’d say that’s pretty important.
Tl;dr: A mikveh is the conduit through which a convert becomes a part of the Jewish people. It is traditionally used to sanctify the relationship between spouses. It was required for people to go to the Temple, back when we still had it. It is extremely central to Jewish practice.
So. What does JVP have to say about it?
THE JVP MIKVEH GUIDE
The document in question is titled “Mikveh: A Purification Ritual for Personal and Collective Transformation,” by Zohar Lev Cunningham and Rebekah Erev. I am largely going to quote directly from the text and then analyze and explain it.
Now let me be clear. I’m not trying to say the authors aren’t Jewish. I’m not saying they’re bad people, or that you should attack them. I am not intending any of this as an ad hominem attack. But given the contents of this document, I do think it is fair to call this appropriative, even if it is of their own culture—in the same way someone can have internalized racism, or twist feminism into being a TERF, I would argue that this is twisting Judaism into paganism. In fact, while I use “appropriation” throughout this document, an extremely useful term that’s been coined recently is “cultural expropriation”--essentially, appropriative actions done by rogue members of the community in question. One example of this would be the Kabbalah Centre in Los Angeles, which is the source of a lot of the Madonna-style “pop Kabbalah.” It was founded by an Orthodox Jewish couple, but it and its followers are widely criticized by most Jewish communities. In much the same way, the Guide is expropriation. 
We start off with a note from the authors.
Hello, Welcome to the Simple Mikveh Guide. This work comes out of many years of reclaiming and re-visioning mikveh. The intention of this guide is to acknowledge and give some context to what mikveh is, provide resources related to mainstream understanding of mikveh and also provide alternative mikveh ideas. Blessings for enjoyment of this wonderful, simple Jewish ritual! Zohar Lev Cunningham & Rebekah Erev
This is fairly normal, though “alternative mikveh ideas” is a bit odd to say. I also find “blessings for enjoyment” to be odd phrasing, somewhat reminiscent of the Wiccan “Blessed Be,” but it could be a typo.
The first main section is titled “Intro to Mikveh,” and begins as follows:
Mikveh is an ancient Jewish ritual practice of water immersion, traditionally used for cleansing, purification, and transformation. It's been conventionally used for conversion to Judaism, for brides, and for niddah, the practice of cleansing after menstruation.
This is relatively accurate, and credit where credit is due avoids making niddah out to be patriarchal BS. I do object slightly to “purify” as a translation without further explanation, as I went into above, and “cleansing” for similar reasons—it implies “dirtiness,’ which isn’t really what tum’ah is about. Also, though this is pretty minor, a bride going to the mikveh before her wedding is actually a part of the laws of niddah. I’d also note that they entirely leave out that it was important for going to the Temple in ancient times, though given this is published by JVP I’m not terribly surprised.
For Jews, water signifies the transformative moment from slavery in Egypt, through the parted Red Sea, and into freedom.
On the one hand, I suppose it’s not unreasonable to connect the Red Sea and mikveh, though I think I’d be more likely to hear it the other way around (i.e. “going through the sea was like the people immersing in a mikveh and being ‘cleansed,’ so to speak”). Though they were, rather importantly, not actually immersed in the water. However I don’t think I’d say water as a whole signifies the Splitting of the Sea. In fact, water imagery is more often used to signify the Torah, see for instance Bava Kamma 82a.
There is also a mystical connection to mikveh as a metaphor for the womb of the divine.
A mikveh being like a womb is also not uncommon. It’s found in the Reishis Chochmah (Shia’ar HaAhavah 11,58) and the writing of Rabbi Aryeh Kaplan (The Aryeh Kaplan Anthology, vol 2., p. 382; both as quoted in 50 Mikvahs That Shaped History, by Rabbi Ephraim Meth), see also “The Mikveh’s Significance in Traditional Conversion” by Rabbi Maurice Lamm on myjewishlearning. Filled with water, you float in it, you emerge a new being (at least for conversion); it’s not an absurd comparison to draw. I’m not sure I’ve found anything for the Womb of the Divine specifically, though. (Also, Divine should definitely be capitalized.)
Entering a mikveh is a transformative and healing experience and we have long wondered why it is not available to more people, including the significant trans and queer populations in Jewish communities.
So. I am NOT going to say there’s no problem with homophobia and/or transphobia in Jewish communities. It’s definitely a community issue, and many communities are grappling with it in various ways as we speak. And I’m certainly not going to say the authors didn’t have the experience of not having a mikveh available to them—I don’t know their lives, I’m not going to police their experiences.
However, while Orthodox mikvahs are often still restricted to married women (who by virtue of the community will generally be cis and married to men) and potentially adult men (given the resources and customs, as mentioned above), there are plenty of more liberal mikva’ot these days. Some even explicitly offer rituals for queer events! The list of reasons to go to the mikvah linked up above, for instance, includes:
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(Mayyim Hayyim, “Immersion Ceremonies”)
Again, that’s not to say there aren’t issues of queerphobia in the Jewish community, but if you are queer and want to go to the mikvah, there are options out there. If you’re looking, I’ve included some links at the end.
When we make ritual, we are working with the divine forces of presence and intention. The magic of mikveh comes in making contact with water. Contact with water marks a threshold and functions as a portal to bring closer our ritual intention/the world to come.
This is…a weird way to put things. I would say this is the start of the red flags. “When we make ritual,” first of all, is, to quote @the-library-alcove (who helped edit this), “a turn of phrase that is not typically associated with any branch of Jewish practice; we have a lot--a LOT--of rituals, and while it's certainly not completely outside of the realm of Jewish vernacular, the tone here, especially in light of the later sections, starts veering towards the vernacular of neo-paganism.” One might say “make kiddush” (the blessing over wine on Shabbos and holidays) or “make motzi” (the blessing over bread), but not generally “make ritual.”
The next section is titled “Who Gets to Do Mikveh?” Their answer:
Everyone! Mikveh practice is available to all of us as a healing tool at any time.
The healing tool part isn’t the original purpose of mikveh, but there are some who have used it as a part of emotional recovery from something traumatic, by marking a new state of being free from whatever caused it, see for instance Mayyim Hayyim’s list linked above.
The “everyone” bit is a little more complicated. To explain why, we’re going to skip ahead a little. (Some of these quotes will also be analyzed in full later.)
We want to make mikveh practice available as a tool to all Jews and non-Jews who want to heal wounds caused by white supremacy and colonialism. [..] To us, a queer mikveh welcomes anyone, regardless of spiritual background or not. […] Queer mikveh is accessible physically and spiritually to any and all people who are curious about it. You don't have to be a practicing Jew to enter queer mikveh. You don't have to be Jewish. (pg. 2, emphasis added)
Now, I am told there are mikva’ot that allow non-Jews to immerse. I have yet to find them, so I don’t know what rituals they allow non-Jews to do. I also haven’t been able to find any resources on non-Jews being allowed to immerse. I have found quite a few that explicitly prohibit it. If there are any sources you know of, please send them to me! I’d love to see them! But so far everything I have come across has said that mikvah immersion is a closed practice that only Jews can participate in. (Technically, to quote the lovely @etz-ashashiot, any non-Jew can do mikvah…once. And they won’t be non-Jews when they emerge. There is also one very extreme edge-case, which is absolutely not mainstream knowledge or practice, and basically isn’t actually done. You can message me if you’re curious, but it’s really not relevant to this–and even in that case, it is preferable to use a natural mikvah rather than a man-made one.)
If there are any legitimate sources that allow non-Jews to do a mikvah ritual, I would assume said non-Jews would be required to be respectful about it. Unfortunately, this is how the paragraph we began with continues:
Who Gets to Do Mikveh? Everyone! Mikveh practice is available to all of us as a healing tool at any time. You don't need any credentials. Your own wisdom is all the power you need to be a Jewish ritual leader. (emphasis added)
This is where we really go off the rails. First of all, you need more than “wisdom” to lead a Jewish ritual. You need to actually know what you’re doing. You can’t just say “oh you know what I feel like the right thing to do for morning prayers is to pray to the sun, because God created the sun so the sun is worth worshiping, and this is a Jewish ritual I’m doing.” That’s just idolatry. Like straight up I stole that from a midrash (oral tradition) about how humanity went from speaking with God in the Garden of Eden to worshiping idols in the time of Noah (given here by Maimonides; note that it continues for a few paragraphs after the one this link sends you to).
Second of all, this is particularly bad given this guide is explicitly to Jews and non-Jews. As @daughter-of-stories put it when she was going over an earlier draft of this analysis, “they are saying that non-Jews can just declare themselves Jewish ritual leaders based on nothing but their own ‘wisdom.’”
I hope I don’t need to explain why that’s extremely bad and gross?
While we’re on the topic of non-Jews using a mikvah, let’s take a moment to address an accusation commonly mentioned alongside the mikvah guide: that JVP also encourages (or encouraged) self-conversion.
I have been unable to find a separate document where they explicitly said so, or an older version of this document that does. This leads me to believe that either a) the accusation came from a misreading of this document, or b) there was a previous document that contained it which has since been deleted but was not archived in the Wayback Machine. EITHER is possible.
Even in the case that there was no such document, however, I would point out that such a suggestion can be read–intentionally or not–as implicit in this document. This is a guide for mikvah use by both Jews and non-Jews, and includes an idea that non-Jews can perform Jewish rituals on their own without any guidance or even background knowledge, as quoted above. Why would a non-Jew, coming into Jewish practice with very little knowledge, go looking to perform a mikvah ritual?
I would wager that the most well-known purpose of immersing in a mikvah is for the purpose of conversion.
Nowhere in this guide is there any explicit statement that you can do a self-conversion, but it also doesn’t say anywhere that you can’t, or that doing so is an exception to “you don’t need any credentials” or “your own wisdom is all the power you need to be a Jewish ritual leader.” It may not be their intention, but the phrasing clearly leaves it as an option.
Even if this were from a source that one otherwise loved, this would be upsetting and disappointing. The amount of exposure this document is getting may be at least in part because it comes from JVP, but the distress and dismay would be there regardless. If there is further vitriol, it’s only because JVP is often considered a legitimate source by outsiders, if no one else–in other words, by the very people least likely to have the background to know that this document isn’t trustworthy. It’s like the difference between your cousin telling you “the Aztecs were abducted by aliens” versus a mainstream news program like Fox reporting it. Both are frustrating and wrong, but one has significantly more potential harm than the other, and therefore is more likely to get widespread criticism (even if you complain about your cousin online).
On the other hand, as one of my editors pointed out in a moment of dark humor, they do say you don’t have to be Jewish to lead a Jewish ritual, so perhaps that mitigates this issue slightly by taking away a motivation to convert in the first place.
Returning to our document:
We do mikvahs in lakes, rivers, bathtubs, showers, outside in the rain, from teacups, and in our imaginations.
At this point the rails are but a distant memory.
In case you’ve forgotten what I said about this at the beginning of this post (and honestly I wouldn’t blame you, we’re on pg. 9 in my draft of this), there are extremely strict rules about what qualifies as a mikvah. Maimonides’s Mishnah Torah, just about the most comprehensive codex of Jewish law, has eleven chapters on the topic of the mikvah (though that includes immersion in it as well as construction of it). I’m not going to make you read through it, but let’s go through the list in this sentence:
Lakes and rivers: you might be able to use a river or lake as a mikvah, but you need to check with your local rabbinical authority, because not all of them qualify. In general, the waters must gather together naturally, from an underground spring or rainwater. In the latter case, the waters must be stationary rather than flowing. A river that dries up in a drought can’t be used, for instance. (The ocean counts as a spring, for this purpose.)
Bathtubs and showers: No. A man-made mikveh must be built into the ground or as an essential part of a building, unlike most bathtubs, and contain of a minimum of 200 gallons of rainwater, gathered and siphoned in a very particular way so as not to let it legally become “groundwater.” Also, it needs to be something you can immerse in, which a shower is not.
Outside in the rain: No? How would you even do that?? What??
Teacups: Even if you were Thumblina or K’tonton (Jewish Tom Thumb), and could actually immerse your entire body in a teacup, it wouldn’t be a kosher mikvah as a mivkah can’t be portable.
In your imagination: Obviously not, what the heck are you even talking about
We will (unfortunately) be coming back to the teacup thing, but for now suffice it to say most of these are extremely Not A Thing.
Mikveh has been continually practiced since ancient Judaism. It is an offering of unbroken Jewish lineage that we have claimed/reclaimed as our own.
I find the use of “claimed/reclaimed” fascinating here, given this guide is explicitly for non-Jews—who, whether or not they are permitted to use a mikvah, certainly shouldn’t be claiming it as their own—as well as Jews. I find it particularly interesting given the lack of clarity of how much of JVP’s membership is actually Jewish and JVP’s history of encouraging non-Jewish members to post “as Jews.” Kind of telling on yourselves a bit, there.
(Once again, I’m not commenting on the authors themselves, but the organization they represent here and the audience they are speaking to/for.)
We want to make mikveh practice available as a tool to all Jews and non-Jews who want to heal wounds caused by white supremacy and colonialism. We want to make mikveh practice available for healing our bodies, spirits, and the earth.
Setting aside the “Jews and non-Jews” thing, since I talked about that earlier and this is already extremely long, I do want to highlight the end of the paragraph. While there are some modern uses of the mikvah to (sort of) heal the spirit, I haven’t heard of anyone using a mikvah to heal the body—as a general rule Jews don’t tend to do faith healing, though of course some sects are the exception. Healing the earth, however, is absolutely not a use of a mikvah. Mikvah rituals, as we’ve now mentioned several times, are about tahara of a person or an object, and require immersion. You can’t immerse the earth in a mikvah. The earth contains mikva’ot. Healing the earth with a mikvah is a very strange worship (IYKYK).
We acknowledge that not all beings have consistent access to water, including Palestinians.
This is a tragedy, no question. I don't mean to minimize that. However, it is also unrelated to the matter at hand. The Guide also doesn’t give any recommendations on how we can help improve water access, so this lip service is all you get.
A lack of water does not make mikveh practice inaccessible.
Yes, in fact, it does. Without a kosher mikvah of one variety or another one cannot do anything that requires a mikvah. That’s why building a kosher one is so important. I haven’t gone looking for it, but while I’m sure there’s lots (and lots and lots and lots) of Rabbinic responsa out there of what to do in drought situations, you definitely do need water in all but the most extreme cases. If you do not have water, AYLR (Ask Your Local Rabbi)--don’t do whatever this is.
The spirit of water can be present with us if we choose to call for water, so even when water is not physically available to us we can engage in mikveh practice.
This is just straight up avodah zarah (“strange worship,” i.e. idolatry) as far as I can tell. The “spirit of the water”? What? We’re not Babylonians worshiping Tiamat. What source is there for this? Is there a source??
Like all material resources, the ways water is or is not available to us is shaped by our geographic and social locations. The ways we relate to water, what we decide is clean, treyf (dirty), drinkable, bathable, how much we use, how much we save, varies depending on our experiences. We invite you to decide what is clean and holy for your own body and spiritual practice.
This is going to require some breaking down.
To start with, let’s define “treyf.” To quote myjewishlearning, “Treyf (sometimes spelled treif or treyfe) is a Yiddish word used for something that is not kosher [lit. "fit"]. The word treyf is derived from the Hebrew word treifah, which appears several times in the Bible and means 'flesh torn by beasts.' The Torah prohibits eating flesh torn by beasts, and so the word treifah came to stand in for all forbidden foods.”
You may note the lack of the word “dirty” in this definition, or any other value judgments. Myjewishlearning continues, “over time, the words kosher and treyf have been used colloquially beyond the world of food to describe anything that Jews deem fit or unfit.” While this does have something of a value judgment, it’s still not “dirty.” I can’t say why the authors chose to translate the word this way, but…I don’t like it.
Now, when it comes to what is kosher or treyf, food and drink are most certainly not based on “our experiences.” There are entire books on the rules of kashrut; it generally takes years of study to understand all the minutiae. Even as someone who was raised in a kosher household, when I worked as a mashgicha (kosher certification inspector) I needed special training. What is considered kadosh (“sacred” or “holy,”  though again that’s not a perfect translation) or tahor is also determined by very strict rules. We don’t just decide things based on “vibes.” That’s not how anything in Jewish practice works.
Water, in fact, is always kosher to drink unless it has bugs or something else treyf in it. And mikvehs aren’t even always what I’d consider “drinkable;” I always wash utensils I’ve brought to the mikvah before I use them.
We come to our next heading: What is Queer Mikveh?
What is Queer Mikveh? To us, a queer mikveh welcomes anyone, regardless of spiritual background or not.
As I’ve said above, I have yet to find a single source (seriously if you have one please send it to me) that says non-Jews can go to a mikvah. As one of my editors for this put it, “to spin appropriation of Jewish closed practices as ‘queer’ is not only icky but deeply disrespectful to actual queer Jews.”
Also, and this is not remotely the point, but “regardless of spiritual background or not” is almost incoherently poor writing.
As Jews in diaspora we want to share and use our ritual practices for healing the land and waters we are visitors on for the liberation of all beings.
I have tried to be semi-professional about this analysis, but. “Jews in the diaspora,” you say. Tell me, JVP, where are we in the diaspora from? Hm? Where are we in diaspora from? Which land do we come from? Which land are we indigenous to, JVP? Do tell.
Returning to the point, I would repeat that mikvah has nothing to do with “healing the land and waters.” It’s ritual purification of whatever is immersed in it. You want to heal the land and waters? Go to your local environmental group, and/or whoever maintains your local land and waters. Pick up trash. Start recycling. Weed invasive species. Call your government and tell them to support green energy. You want liberation for all beings? Fight bigotry—including antisemitism. Judaism believes in action—go act. Appropriating rituals from a closed religion doesn’t liberate anyone.
We have come up with this working definition and welcome feedback!
Oh good, maybe I won’t be yelled at for posting this (she said dubiously).
Queer mikveh is a ritual of Jews in diaspora. We believe the way we work for freedom for all beings is by using the gifts of our ancestors for the greatest good. We bring our rituals as gifts.
I have nothing in particular new to say about this, except that I find the idea of “bringing our rituals as gifts” for anyone to use deeply uncomfortable, given Judaism is a closed religion that strongly discourages non-Jews from joining us, and that has had literal millennia of people appropriating from us.
It acknowledges that our path is to live on lands that are not historically our peoples [sic] and we honor the Indigenous ancestors of the land we live on, doing mikveh as an anti-colonialist ritual for collective and personal liberation.
Again I would love so much for JVP to tell us which lands would historically be our people’s. What land do Jews come from, JVP? What land is it we do have a historical connection to? What land do our Indigenous ancestors come from??
And why does it have to be our path to live on lands other than that one?
Secondly, to quote the lovely @daughter-of-stories again when she was editing this, “Mikveh as anti-colonialism, aside from not being what Mikveh is, kinda implies that you can cleanse the land of the sins of colonialism. So (a) that’s just a weird bastardization of baptism since, mikveh isn’t about cleansing from sin, and (b) so does that mean the colonialism is erased? Now we don’t have to actually deal with how it affects actual indigenous people?”
I’m sure that (b) isn’t their intent, but I will say that once again they don’t give any material suggestions for how to actually liberate any collectives or persons from colonialism in this document, including any links to other pages on their own website*, which surely would have been easy enough. It comes across as very performative.
*I disagree strongly with most of their methods, but at least they are suggesting something.
Queer mikveh is a physical or spiritual space that uses the technologies of water and the Jewish practice of mikveh to mark transitions. Transition to be interpreted by individuals and individual ritual.
I have no idea what the “technologies of water” are. Also usage of a mikvah to mark transitions beyond ritual states is a fairly new innovation, as mentioned above.
Queer mikveh in it's [sic] essence honors the story of the water. The historical stories of the water we immerse in, the stories of our own bodies as water and the future story we vision [sic].
This just sounds like a pagan spinoff of baptism to me, if I’m being honest. Which would be non-Jewish in several ways.
Queer mikveh is accessible physically and spiritually to any and all people who are curious about it. You don't have to be a practicing Jew to enter queer mikveh. You don't have to be Jewish.
First off, once again whether or not non-Jews can use mikvah seems at best extremely iffy. Secondly, accessibility in mikva’ot is, as one of my editors put it, “a continual discussion.” We have records of discussions regarding access for those with physical disabilities going back at least to the 15th century (Shut Mahari Bruna, 106; as quoted in 50 Mikvahs That Shaped History by Rabbi Ephraim Meth), and in the modern era there are mikva’ot that have lifts or other accessibility aids. That said, many mikva’ot, especially older ones, are still not accessible–and many mikva’ot don’t have the money to retrofit or renovate. Mikvah.org’s directory listings (linked at the end of this) notes whether various mikva’ot are accessible, if you are looking for one in your area.  If you want to help make mikva’ot more accessible to the disabled, consider donating to an existing mikvah to help them pay for renovations or otherwise (respectfully) getting involved in the community. If you want to help make mikva’ot more accessible for non-Orthodox Jews, try donating to an open mikvah (see link to a map of Rising Tide members at the end of this essay) or other non-Orthodox mikvah.
Queer mikveh is an earth and water honoring ritual.
Not even a little. We do have (or had) rituals that honor the earth or water, at least to an extent–the Simchat Beit HaSho’evah (explanations here and here) was a celebration surrounding water; most of our holidays are harvest festivals to some extent or another; there are a large number of agricultural mitzvahs (though most can only be done in Israel, which I suppose wouldn’t work for JVP). (Note: mitzvahs are commandments and/or good deeds.) Even those, though, aren’t about the water or earth on their own, per se, but rather about honoring them as God’s gift to us. This description of mikvah sounds more Pagan or Wiccan–which is fine, but isn’t Jewish.
Queer mikveh exists whenever a queer person or queers gather to do mikveh. Every person is their own spiritual authority and has the power to create their own ritual for individual or collective healing.
Absolutely, anyone can create their own rituals for anything they want. But it probably won’t be a mikvah ritual, and it probably won’t be Jewish.
Do you know what it’s called when you make up your own ritual and claim that it’s actually a completely valid part of an established closed practice of which you aren’t part? (Remember—this document is aimed just as much at non-Jews as at Jews.)
It’s called appropriation.
With the next section, “Some Ideas for Mikveh Preparation,” we begin page three.
(Yes, we’re only on page three of seven. I’m so sorry.)
The most important part of mikveh preparation is setting an intention.
This isn’t entirely wrong, as you do have to have in mind the intention of fulfilling a mitzvah when you perform one.
Because mikveh is a ritual most used to mark transitions, you can frame your intention in that way.
To quote myself above, “usage of a mikvah to mark transitions beyond ritual states is a fairly new innovation.” I’d hardly say it is mostly used for marking transitions.
You can do journaling or talk with friends to connect with the Jewish month, Jewish holiday, Shabbat, the moon phase, and elements of the season that would support your intention.
If this were a guide for only Jews, or there was some sort of note saying this section was only for Jews, I would have less of a problem. But given neither is true, they are encouraging non-Jews to use the Jewish calendar for what is, from the rest of the descriptions in the Guide, a magical earth healing ritual.
This is 100% straight up appropriation.
The Jewish calendar is Jewish. Marking the new moon and creating a calendar was the first commandment given to us as a people, upon the exodus from Egypt. Nearly all our holidays are (aside from the harvest component, which is based on the Israeli agricultural seasons and required harvest offerings) based on specific parts of Jewish history. Passover celebrates the Exodus and our becoming a nation. Sukkot celebrates the Clouds of Glory that protected us in the desert. Shavuot celebrates being given the Torah.
According to some opinions, non-Jews literally aren’t allowed to keep Shabbat.
If you are a non-Jew and you are basing the collective earth healing ritual you have created under your own spiritual authority around Jewish holidays and calling it “mikvah,” you are appropriating Judaism.
Full stop.
This isn’t even taking into account the generally Pagan/witchy feel of the paragraph, with “moon phases” and “elements of the season.” Again, if you want to be a Pagan be a Pagan, but don’t call it Jewish.
Things only go further downhill with their next suggestion for preparation before you go to the mikvah.
Divination: A lot can be said about divination practices and Judaism.
There certainly is a lot to be said. First and foremost, there’s the fact that divination is forbidden in Judaism.
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(Screenshot of Leviticus 19:26 from sefaria.org)
One method of divination they suggest is Tarot, which is a European method of cartomancy that seems to have begun somewhere in the 19th century, though the cards start showing up around the 15th. While early occultists tried to tie it to various older forms of mysticism, including Kabbalah, this was, to put it lightly, complete nonsense. (Disclaimer: this information comes from wikipedia; I’ve already spent so much time researching the mikvah stuff that I do not have the energy or interest to do a deep dive into the origin of Tarot. It isn’t Jewish, the rest is honestly just details.)
I have nothing against Tarot. I think it’s neat! The cards are often lovely! I have a couple of decks myself, and I use them for fun and card games. But divination via tarot is not Jewish. If I do any spreads, I make it very clear to anyone I’m doing it with that it is for fun and/or as a self-reflection tool, not as magic. Because that is extremely not allowed in Judaism.
The authors suggest a few decks to use, one of which is by one of the authors themselves. Another is “The Kabbalah Deck,” which—holy appropriation, Batman!
In case anyone is unaware, Kabbalah (Jewish mysticism) is an extremely closed Jewish practice, even within Judaism. Traditionally it shouldn’t be studied by anyone who hasn’t already studied every other Jewish text (of which there are, I remind you, a lot), because it’s so easy to misinterpret. I mentioned this above briefly when explaining cultural expropriation. Pop Kabbalah (what Madonna does, what you see when they talk about “Ancient Kabbalistic Texts” on shows like Supernatural, the nonsense occultists and New-Agers like to say is “ancient Kabbalistic” whatever, it’s a wide span of appropriative BS) is gross, combining Kabbalah with Tarot is extremely gross. I’m not 100% sure, as the link in the pdf doesn’t work, but I believe they are referring to this deck by Edward Hoffman. For those of you who don’t want to click through, the Amazon description includes this:
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(Screenshot from Amazon)
Returning to our text:
Another practice that's been used in Judaism for centuries is bibliomancy. You can use a book you find meaningful (or the Torah) and ask a question. Then, close your eyes, open the book to a page and place your finger down. Interpret the word or sentence you pointed at to help guide you to answer your question.
Bibliomancy with a chumash (Pentateuch) or tanach (Bible) in Jewish magic is kind of a thing, but the tradition of Jewish magic as a whole is very complicated and could be its own entirely different post. This one is already long enough. This usage of bibliomancy is clearly just appropriative new-age BS, though, especially given you can use “[any] book you find meaningful.”
Also, if you aren’t Jewish, please don’t use the Torah for ritual purposes unless you are doing it under very specific circumstances under the laws for B’nei Noach (“Children of Noah,” also called Righteous Gentiles; non-Jews who follow the 7 Noachide Laws).
Sit with your general intention or if you aren't sure, pose a question to the divination tool you are using. "What should be my intention for this mikveh?" "What needs transforming in my life?" "How can I transform my relationship with my body?"
As I hope I’ve made clear, there are very specific times when one uses a mikvah, even with more modern Open Mikvah rituals. You always know what your intention is well before going—to make yourself tahor, or mark a specific event. I’m not here to police how someone prepares mentally before they immerse—meditation is fine, even encouraged. But magic? Like this? That’s not a thing. And given the fact that divination specifically is not only discouraged but forbidden, this section in particular upset a lot of Jews who read it.
Those of us already upset by everything we’ve already covered were not comforted by how the Guide continues.
How to Prepare Physically For Mikveh: Some people like to think about entering the mikveh in the way their body was when they were born. By this we mean naked, without jewelry, with clean fingernails and brushed hair. This framing can be meaningful for many people.
We went into this at the beginning of this essay (about 6500 words ago), but this is in fact how Jewish law mandates one is required to immerse. This is certainly the case in most communities, whether you are immersing due to an obligation (as a married woman or a bride about to be married) or due to custom (as men in post-Temple practice) or due to non-traditional immersion (as someone coming out); wherever on the spectrum of observance one falls (as far as I could find). A mikvah isn’t a bath, it’s not about physical cleanliness—you must first thoroughly clean yourself, clip your nails, and brush your teeth. Nail polish and makeup are removed. There can’t be any barriers between you and the water. Most mikva’ot these days, particularly women’s mikva’ot, have preparation rooms so you can prep on site. When you immerse, you have to submerge completely—your hair can’t be floating above the water, your mouth can’t be pursed tightly, your hands can’t be clenched so the water can’t get to your palms. If you do it wrong, it doesn’t count and you have to do it again. It’s not a “framing,” it’s a ritual practice governed by ritual law.
We suggest you do mikveh in the way you feel comfortable for you and your experience.
This isn’t how this works. If you have a particularly extreme case, you can talk to a rabbi to see if there are any workarounds—for example, if excessive embarrassment would distract you from the ritual, you may be able to wear clothes that are loose enough that the water still makes contact with every millimeter of skin. But you need to consult with someone who knows the minutiae of the laws and requirements so you know if any exceptions or workarounds apply to you. That’s what a rabbi is for. That’s why they need to go to rabbinical school and get ordination. They have to study. That’s why you need to find a rabbi whose knowledge and personality you trust. For someone calling themselves a religious authority in Judaism to say “you can do whatever, no biggie” with such a critical ritual is…I’m not sure what the word I want is.
The idea is to feel vulnerable but also to claim your body as a powerful site of change that has the power to move us close to our now unrecognizable futures.
The idea is to bathe in the living waters and enter a state of taharah. Though that could be an idea you have in mind while you are doing it, I suppose. I could see at least one writer I know of saying something like this to specifically menstrual married (presumably cis) women performing Taharat HaMishpacha (family taharah, see above).
For some people, doing mikveh in drag will feel most vulnerable, with all your make-up and best attire.
Absolutely not a thing. As I said last paragraph, the goal isn’t to feel vulnerable or powerful or anything. It may feel vulnerable or powerful, but that is entirely besides the actual purpose of the ritual. What you get out of it on a personal emotional level has nothing to do with the religious goal of the religious practice.
And if you are wondering how one would submerge oneself in water in full drag, don’t worry, we’ll get there soon.
For some, wearing a cloth around your body until just before you dip is meaningful.
This is just how it’s usually done. Generally one is provided with a bathrobe, and one removes it before entering. You don’t just wander around the building naked. Or the beach, if you’re using the ocean.
If you were born intersex and your genitalia was changed without your consent, thinking about your body as perfect, however you were born, can be loving.
I’m not intersex, so I’m not going to comment on the specifics here. If you are and that’s meaningful to you, more power to you.
We enter a new section, at the top of page 4.
Where To Do Mikveh: There is much midrash around what constitutes a mikveh.
“Midrash” is not the word they want here. The midrash is the non-legal side of the oral tradition, often taking the form of allegory or parable. This is as opposed to the mishna, which is the halachic (legal) side of the oral tradition. They were both written down around the same time, but most midrashim (plural) are in their own books, rather than incorporated in the mishna.
There is, however, a great deal of rabbinic discussion, in the form of mishna, gemara, teshuvot (responsa), legal codices, and various other genres of Jewish writing. More properly this could have just said “there is much discussion around what constitutes a mikveh.”
Most mikvot currently exist in Orthodox synagogues[—]
This is perhaps a minor quibble, but I don’t know that I’d say they’re generally in synagogues. They are frequently associated with a local congregation, but are often in a separate building.
[—]but there is a growing movement to create more diverse and inclusive spaces for mikveh. Mayyim Hayyim is a wonderful resource with a physical body of water mikveh space. Immerse NYC is a newer organization training people of all genders to be mikveh guides. They also work to find gender inclusive spaces for people to do mikveh in NYC.
This is true! Mayyim Hayyim is a wonderful organization I’ve never heard anything bad about, and ImmerseNYC also seems like an excellent organization. Both also only allow Jews (in which group I am including in-process converts) to immerse.
The mikveh guides thing I didn’t explain above, so I’ll take a moment to do so here. Because the rules of immersion are so strict, and because it’s hard to tell if you are completely immersed when you are underwater, most mikva’ot have a guide helping you. Depending on the circumstance and the mikvah, and depending on the patron’s comfort, who and how they do their jobs can differ somewhat. For a woman immersing after niddah, it will usually be another woman who will hold up the towel or bathrobe for you while you get in the water, and will only look from behind it once you are immersed to make sure you are completely submerged. If you are converting, customs vary. Some communities require men to witness the immersion regardless of the convert’s gender, which is very much an ongoing discussion in those communities. Even in those cases, to my knowledge they will only look once the convert is in the water, and there will likely still be a female attendant if the convert is a woman. While there are negative experiences people have had, it is very much an intra-community issue. We’re working on it.
Mikveh can be done in a natural body of water.
Again, this is true, though not all bodies of water work, so AYLR (Ask Your Local Rabbi).
Some people are also making swimming pools holy places of mikveh.
We’ve already explained above why this is nonsense.
In the Mishneh (the book that makes commentary on the torah [sic]) there are arguments as to what constitutes a mikveh and how much water from a spring or well or rainwater must be present.
The main issue in this section is their definition of the Mishneh. As I explained above, the Mishna (same thing, transliteration is not an exact science) is the major compilation of the Oral Torah, the oral tradition that was written down by Rabbi Judah Ha-Nasi so it wouldn’t be lost in the face of exile and assimilation. It’s not so much a commentary on the (Written) Torah as an expansion of it to extrapolate the religious laws we follow. It’s certainly not “the book that makes commentary on the Torah.” We have literally hundreds of books of commentary. That’s probably underestimating. Jews have been around for a long time, and we have been analyzing and discussing the Torah for nearly as long. There are so many commentaries on the Torah.
The second issue is that while there are arguments in the Mishna and Gemara (the oral discussion on the Mishna that was written down even later), they do generally result in a final decision of some sort. Usually whichever side has the majority wins. Variations between communities are still very much a thing, and I can explain why in another post if people are interested, but there usually is a base agreement.
We are of the school that says you decide for yourself what works.
The phrasing they use here makes it sound as though that’s a legitimate opinion in the Mishnah. I cannot emphasize how much that is not the case. While I myself have not finished learning the entire Mishnah, I would be willing to wager a great deal that “whatever works for you” isn’t a stance on any legal matter there. That’s just not how it works. While some modern branches of Judaism may have that as a position, it is definitely not Mishnaic.
If you are concerned about Jewish law, the ocean is always a good choice. There are no conflicting arguments about the ocean as a mikveh. As the wise maggid Jhos Singer says in reference to the ocean, "It's [sic] becomes a mikveh when we call it a mikveh." Done.
(To clarify, I don’t know if that typo was carried over from the source of the original quote or not.)
This is true. However if you are concerned about Jewish law I would very much urge you to look to other sources than this one—be that your local rabbi or rebbetzen, the staff at your local mikvah, or a reliable website that actually goes into the proper requirements. If you want to use a mikveh according to Jewish law, please do not use this document as your guide.
We recognize immersion in water does not work for every body. Therefore, a guiding principle for where to do a mikveh is: do a mikveh in a place that is sacred to you. Your body is always holy and your body is made of mostly water. Later in this guide there is more information on mikveh with no immersion required.
I cannot emphasize how much I have never once heard this before. This, to me, reads like New Age nonsense. If you are unable to immerse in a mikvah, talk to your rabbi. Don’t do…whatever this is.
Our next section is a short one.
Who To Do it With: Do mikveh with people you feel comfortable with and supported by.
This is fine, though many mikva’ot (perhaps even most) will only allow one person to immerse at a time.
Do a solo mikveh and ask the earth body to be your witness.
With this, we return to the strange smattering of neo-Paganism. The “earth body” is not a thing. Yes, the Earth is called as a witness in the Bible at least once. It’s poetic. You also, unless you are converting, don’t actually need a witness anyway. A mikvah attendant or guide is there to help you—if you were somewhere without one, you could still immerse for niddah or various customary purposes.
Do mikveh with people who share some of your vision for collective healing.
As I’ve said before in this essay, collective healing is not the point of a mikvah. If you are Jewish and want to pray for healing, there are plenty of legitimate places for this–the Shemonah Esrei has a prayer for healing and a prayer where you can insert any personal prayers you want; there’s a communal prayer for healing after the Torah reading. You can give charity or recite a psalm or do a mitzvah with the person in mind. You can also just do a personal private prayer with any words you like, a la Hannah, or if you want pre-written words find an appropriate techinah (not the sesame stuff). If you want to work towards collective liberation, volunteer. Learn the laws of interpersonal mitzvot, like lashon hara (literally “evil speech,” mostly gossip or libel). Connect fighting oppression to loving your neighbor or the Passover seder. We have tons of places for this–mikvah isn’t one of them.
Next segment.
What To Bring to A Mikveh: 1. Intentions for the ritual for yourself and/or the collective.
See previous points on intention.
2. Items for the altar from your cultural background[…] (emphasis mine)
If I wasn’t appalled by the “immersing in makeup” or the “do divination first,” this would be the place that got me. This is wrong on so many levels.
One is not allowed to have an altar outside of The Temple in Jerusalem, the one we currently do not have. It’s an extremely big deal. One is not allowed to make sacrifices outside of the Temple. Period. This is emphasized again and again in the Torah and other texts. Even when we had a Temple, there were no altars in a mikvah.
And you certainly couldn’t offer anything in the Temple while naked, as one is required to be when immersing in the mikvah.
Even when we did bring offerings to altars (the Bronze Altar or the Gold Altar, both of which were in the Temple and which only qualified priests in a state of tahara could perform offerings on), the offerings were very specifically mandated, as per the Torah and those other texts. Even when non-Jews gave offerings (as did happen) they were required to comply. You couldn’t just bring any item from your cultural background. This is paganism, plain and simple.
Now, again, let me be clear: if you’re pagan, I have no problem with you. My problem is when one tries to take a sacred practice from a closed religion and try to co-opt it as one’s own. It’s a problem when someone who isn’t Native American decides to smudge their room with white sage, and it’s a problem when someone who isn’t Jewish tries to turn a mikvah into a pagan cleansing rite. And even if the person doing it is Jewish--I have an issue when it’s Messianics who were born Jewish, and I have an issue when it’s pagans who were born the same. Either way, whether you intend to or not, you are participating in appropriation or expropriation.
Which makes the line that follows this point so deeply ironic I can’t decide if I’m furious or heartbroken.
After suggesting that the reader (who may or may not be Jewish) bring items for an altar to a mikvah, the Guide asks:
[…] (please do not bring appropriated items from cultures that are not yours).
Which is simply just... beyond parody. To quote one of my editors, “This is quickly approaching the level of being a new definition for the Yiddish word 'Chutzpah,' which is traditionally defined as 'absurdist audacity' in line with 'Chutzpah is a man who brutally murders both of his parents and then pleads with the judge for leniency because he is now an orphan bereft of parental guidance.' If not for the involved nature of explaining the full context, I would submit this as a potential new illustrative example.”
The next suggestion of what to bring is
3. Warm clothes, towels, warm drinks
All these are reasonable enough, though most mikva’ot provide towels. Some also provide snacks, for while you are preparing. They may also not allow you to bring in outside food.
4. Your spirit of love, healing, and resistance
This, again, has nothing to do with mikvah. The only spirit of resistance in a mikvah is the fact that we continue to do it despite millennia of attempts to stop us. Additionally, to me at least “a spirit of love” feels very culturally-Christian.
Our next section is titled “How to Make Mikveh a Non-Zionist Ritual.”
Right off the bat, I have an issue with this concept. Putting aside for a moment whatever one may think of Zionism as a philosophy, my main problem here is that mikvah has nothing at all to do with Zionism. In Orthodoxy, at least, Jews who are against Zionism on religious grounds perform the mitzvah the same way passionately Zionist Jews do, with the same meanings and intentions behind it. It is performed the same way in Israel and out, and has been more or less the same for the last several thousand years. It is about ritual purification and sanctification of the mundane, no more and no less.
There is a word for saying anything and everything Jewish is actually about the modern Israel/Palestine conflict, simply because it’s Jewish.
That word is antisemitism.
How to Make Mikveh a Non-Zionist Ritual: Reject all colonial projects by learning about, naming & honoring, and materially supporting the communities indigenous to the land where you hold your mikveh. Name and thank the Indigenous people of the land you are going to do your mikveh on.
If you removed the “non-Zionist” description, this would be mostly unobjectionable. We should absolutely help indigenous communities. The framing of “reject all colonial projects” does seem to suggest that there is something colonial about the usual practice of going to the mikvah, though. I would argue that the mikvah is, in fact, anti-colonial if anything—it is the practice of a consistently oppressed minority ethno-religion which has kept it in practice despite the best efforts of multiple empires. Additionally, while Zionism means many different things to those who believe in it, at its root most Zionists (myself included) define it as “the belief that Jews have a right to self-determination in our indigenous homeland.” Our indigenous homeland being, of course, the land of Israel. (This is different from the State of Israel, which is the modern country on that land.) If you are a Jew in Israel, one of the indigenous peoples of the land your mikvah is on is your own. That’s not to say there aren’t others—but to claim Jews aren’t indigenous to the region is to be either misinformed or disingenuous.
Take the time to vision [sic] our world to come in which Palestine and all people are free.
I really, really dislike how they use the concept of The World To Come here. The Jewish idea of The World To Come (AKA the Messianic Age) is one where the Messiah has come, the Temple has been rebuilt, and the Davidic dynastic monarchy has been re-established in the land of Israel. Arguably that’s the most Zionist vision imaginable. This isn’t to say that all people, Palestinians included, won’t be free—true peace and harmony are also generally accepted features of the Messianic Age. But using the phrase in making something “non-Zionist” is, at the very least, in extremely poor taste. (As a side note, even religious non-Zionists believe in this–that’s actually why most of them are against the State of Israel, as they believe we can’t have sovereignty until the Messiah comes. They do generally believe we will eventually have sovereignty, just that now isn’t the time for it.)
Hold and explore this vision intimately as you prepare to immerse. What is one action you can take to bring this future world closer? Trust that your vision is collaborating with countless others doing this work.
Having a “vision” of a world where all are free isn’t doing any of the work to accomplish it. A “vision” can’t collaborate. At least not in Judaism. This sounds like one is trying to manifest the change through force of will, which is something directly out of the New Age faith movement, where it is known as “Creative Visualization.” Even when we do have a concept of bringing about something positive through an unrelated action–like saying psalms for someone who is sick–the idea is that you are doing a mitzvah on their behalf, to add to their merits counted in their favor. It’s not a form of magic or invocation of some mystical energy.
(Once again: I have nothing against pagans. But paganism is incompatible with Judaism. You can’t be both, any more than you can be Jewish and Christian.)
Use mikveh practice to ground into your contribution to the abundant work for liberation being done. We are many.
If you will once more pardon a brief switch to a casual tone:
Nothing says liberation like *checks notes* appropriating a minority cultural practice.
The next section of their document is titled “Ideas for Mikveh Ritual,” and this is where the Neo-Pagan and New Age influences of the authors truly shift from the background to the foreground.  
We start off deceptively reasonably.
Mikveh ritual is potentially very simple. Generally people consider a mikveh to be a full immersion in water, where you are floating in the water, not touching the bottom, with no part of the body above the surface (including the hair).
Technically, most people consider a mikveh to be a ritual bath (noun) in which one performs various Jewish ritual immersions. But if we set this aside as a typo, this is…fairly true. What they are describing is how one is supposed to perform the mitzvah of mikveh immersion. However, in much the same way I wouldn’t say “generally people consider baseball to be a game where you hit a ball with a bat and run around a diamond,” I wouldn’t say it’s a case of “generally people consider” so much as “this is what it is.”
This works for some people. It doesn't work for everyone and it doesn't work for all bodies. Because of this, mikveh ritual can be expanded outside of these traditional confines in exciting, creative ways.
Once again, if you are incapable of performing mikvah immersion in the proper manner, please go speak with a rabbi. Please do not follow this guide.
Before we continue, I would just like to assure you that. whatever “exciting, creative ways” you might be imagining the authors have come up with, this is so much worse.
Method One:
Sound Mikveh: One way that's felt very meaningful for many is a "sound mikveh." This can be a group of people toning, harmonizing, or chanting in a circle. One person at a time can be in the center of the circle and feel the vibrations of healing sound wash over their body. Another method of sound mikveh is to use a shofar or other instrument of your lineage to made [sic] sounds that reach a body of water and also wash over you.
This makes me so uncomfortable I barely have the words to describe it, and I know that I am not alone in this. This is not a mikvah. If someone wants to do some sort of sound-based healing ritual, by all means go ahead, but do not call it a mikvah. This is not Jewish. I don’t know what this is, aside from deeply offensive.
And leave that poor shofar out of this. That ram did not give his horn for this nonsense.
(I could go on about the actual sacred purpose of a shofar and all the rules and reasons behind it that expand upon this, but this is already over 9000 words.)
Method Two is, if anything, worse. This is the one, if you’ve seen social media posts about this topic, you have most likely seen people going nuts about.
Tea Cup Mikveh: Fill a special teacup. If you want, add flower essence, a small stone, or other special elements. Sing the teacup a sweet song, dance around it, cry in some tears, tell the cup a tender and hopeful story, hold the teacup above the body of your animal friend for extra blessing, balance it on your head to call in your highest self. Use the holy contents of this teacup to make contact with water.
This is absolutely 100% straight-up neo-pagan/New Age mysticism. Nothing about this is based on Jewish practice of any kind. Again, I’m at a loss for words of how to explain just how antithetical this is. If you want to be a witch, go ahead and be a witch. But do not call it Jewish. Leave Judaism out of this.
They end this suggestion with the cute comment,
Mikveh to go. We’ve always been people on the move.
Let me explain why this “fun” little comment fills me with rage. 
As you may recall, this document was published by Jewish Voice for Peace. Among their various other acts of promoting and justifying antisemitism, JVP has repeatedly engaged in historical revisionism regarding Jews and Jewish history. In this context, they have repeatedly ignored the numerous expulsions of Jews from various countries, and blaming sinister Zionist plots to explain any movement of expelled Jews to Israel (“In the early 1950s, starting two years after the Nakba, the Israeli government facilitated a mass immigration of Mizrahim,” from “Our Approach to Zionism” on the JVP website; see @is-the-thing-actually-jewish’s post on JVP and the posts linked from there).
So a document published by JVP framing Jewish movement as some form of free spirited 1970s-esque Bohemian lifestyle or the result of us being busy movers-and-shakers is a direct slap in the face to the persecution we’ve faced as a people and society.  No, we aren’t “on the move” because we’re hippies wandering where the wind takes us . We’re always on the move because we keep getting kicked out and/or hate-crimed until we leave.
But there is no Jew-hatred in Ba Sing Se.
Method three:
Fermentation Mikveh: Some food goes through natural changes by being immersed in water. If we eat that food, we can symbolically go through a change similar to the one the food went through.
Again, this has no basis anywhere in halacha. We do have concepts of “you are what you eat,” specifically with reference to what animals and birds are kosher, but there isn’t any food that makes you tahor if you eat it. In the Temple days there were, in fact, foods you couldn’t eat unless you were tahor.
Jews may like pickles, but that doesn’t mean we think they purify you.
Also, the change from fermentation is, if anything, the opposite of the change we would want. Leavening (rising in dough or batter, due to the fermentation of yeast) is compared in rabbinic writings to arrogance and ego, as opposed to the humility of matza, the “poor man’s bread” (see here, for example). Is the suggestion here to become more egotistical?
As we wrap up this section, I’d like to go back to their stated reason for using these “alternative” methods (“It doesn't work for everyone and it doesn't work for all bodies”), and ask: if these really were the only options for immersion, would these really fill that same spiritual need/niche? These obviously aren’t aimed at me, but from my perspective it seems almost condescending, almost worse. “You can’t do the real thing, so we’ll make up something to make you feel better.” If any of them had an actual basis in Jewish practice, that would be one thing, but this just feels…fake, to me. Even within more liberal / less traditional streams of Judaism, there is a connection to halacha: 
“We each (if we are knowledgeable about the tradition, if we confront it seriously and take its claims and its wisdom seriously) have the ability, the freedom, indeed the responsibility to come to a [potentially differing] personal understanding of what God wants us to do… [Halacha] is a record of how our people, in widely differing times, places and societal circumstances, experienced God's presence in their lives, and responded. Each aspect of halacha is a possible gateway to experience of the holy, the spiritual. Each aspect worked for some Jews, once upon a time, somewhere in our history. Each, therefore, has the potential to open up holiness for people in our time as well, and for me personally. However, each does not have equal claim on us, on me…Portions of the halacha whose main purpose seems to be to distance us from our surroundings no longer seem functional. Yet some parts of the halachic tradition seem perfect correctives to the imbalances of life in modernity…In those parts of tradition, we are sometimes blessed to experience a sense of God's closeness. In my personal life, I emphasize those areas. And other areas of halacha, I de-emphasize, or sometimes abandon. Reform Judaism affirms my right, our right, to make those kinds of choices.” – Rabbi Ramie Arian
“[Traditional Reconstructionist Jews] believe that moral and spiritual faculties are actualized best when the individual makes conscious choices…The individual’s choices, however, can and should not be made alone. Our ethical values and ritual propensities are shaped by the culture and community in which we live. Living a Jewish life, according to the Reconstructionist understanding, means belonging to the Jewish people as a whole and to a particular community of Jews, through which our views of life are shaped. Thus, while Reconstructionist communities are neither authoritarian nor coercive, they aspire to influence the individual’s ethical and ritual choices–through study of Jewish sources, through the sharing of values and experiences, and through the impact of the climate of communal opinion on the individual. …While we may share certain values and life situations, no two sets of circumstances are identical. We hope that the Reconstructionist process works to help people find the right answers for themselves, but we can only assist in helping individuals to ask the right questions so that their choices are made in an informed way within a Jewish context. To be true to ourselves we must understand the differences in perception between us and those who have gone before, while retaining a reverence for the traditions they fashioned. If we can juxtapose those things, we ensure that the past will have [in the phrase of Reconstructionism’s founder, Mordecai Kaplan,] a vote, but not a veto.” – Rabbi Jacob J. Straub (Note: the Reconstructionist movement was founded in the late 1920s, and has gone through a very large shift in the past decade or so. I use “Traditional” here to refer to the original version of the movement as opposed to those who have shifted. Both are still called Reconstructionist, so it’s a bit confusing. This is on the advice of one of my editors, who is themself Traditional Reconstructionist.)
You may note, neither of these talk about inventing things from whole cloth. To paraphrase one of my editors, “You don’t completely abandon [halacha], because if you did how would you have a cohesive community? Even in a ‘do what’s meaningful’ framework, you’re taking from the buffet, not bringing something to a potluck. Even if you don’t see halacha as binding, there are limits.”
(Again, disclaimer that the above knowledge of non-Orthodox movements comes from my editors, and any errors are mine.)
The next section is “Prayers for Mikveh.”
As a note, I’m going to censor the names of God when I quote actual blessings, as per traditional/Halachic practice. I’ll be putting brackets to indicate my alterations.
I’m not going to go much into detail here, because frankly my Hebrew isn’t good enough, and the six different people I asked for help gave me at least six different answers, but I will touch on it a bit.
First, the Guide gives a link to an article on Traditional Mikveh Blessings from Ritualwell (here is a link on the Wayback Machine, since the original requires you to make an account). Ritualwell is a Reconstructionist Jewish website, and accepts reviewed submissions. Here is their about page. The blessings on this page, as far as I know, are in fact exactly what it says on the tin. I’m not sure the first one, asher kidshanu b’mitzvotav v’tzivanu al ha-t’vilah, is said for non-obligatory immersions (i.e. not for niddah or conversion), as it is literally a blessing on the commandment. The second blessing at that link is Shehecheyanu, which the Guide also suggests as a good prayer. This is the traditional form of the blessing, given at Ritualwell:
Baruch Atah Ado[-]nai Elo[k]eynu Melech Ha-Olam shehekheyanu v’kiyimanu v’higiyanu lazman hazeh.
Blessed are You, [LORD] our God, Monarch of the universe, Who has kept us alive and sustained us, and brought us to this season.
(As a quick note, you may notice this is not quite how they translate it on Ritualwell–I have no idea why they say “kept me alive,” as it’s definitely “us” in the Hebrew. There’s a long tradition, in fact, of praying for the community rather than ourselves as an individual, but that’s not the point of this post.)
The Guide, however, gives an alternate form:
B’rucha At y[-]a Elo[k]eynu Ruakh haolam shehekheyatnu v’kiyimatnu v’higiyatnu lazman hazeh. You are Blessed, Our God, Spirit of the World, who has kept us in life and sustained us, enabling us to reach this season.
Under the assumption that most of you don’t know Hebrew, I’m going to break this down further. The main difference between these two is grammatical gender–the traditional blessing uses masculine forms, which is common when referring to God. However, while there are often masculine descriptions of God, it is worth noting that Hashem is very specifically not a “man”--God is genderless and beyond our comprehension, and masculine is also used in Hebrew for neutral or unspecified gender. A whole discussion of gender and language is also beyond the scope of this post, but for now let’s leave it at: changing the gender for God in prayer is pretty common among less traditional Jews, and that’s fine. Some of the changes they make (or don’t make) here are interesting, though. The two letter name of God they switch to is–despite ending in a hey (the “h” letter)–not feminine grammatically feminine. I’m told, however, that some progressive circles consider it neutral because it “sounds feminine.” “Elo-keynu” is also grammatically masculine, but a) that’s used for neuter in Hebrew and b) it’s also technically plural, so maybe they didn’t feel the need to change it. Though if that’s the case I would also have thought that Ado-nai (the tetragrammaton) would be fine, as it’s also technically male in the same way. I’m also not sure why they didn’t just change ”Melech HaOlam” to “Malkah HaOlam,” which would be the feminine form of the original words, but perhaps they were avoiding language of monarchy. It’s apparently a not uncommon thing to change.
One of the responses I got said the vowels in the verbs were slightly off, but I can’t say much above that, for the reasons given at the beginning of this section.
Also, and this is comparatively minor, the capitalization in the transliteration is bizarre. They capitalize “At” (you) and “Elo[k]eynu” (our God), but not “y[-]a…” which is the actual name of God in the blessing and should definitely be capitalized if you are capitalizing.
The Guide next gives a second blessing that can be used:
B’rucha at shekhinah eloteinu ruach ha-olam asher kid-shanu bi-tevilah b’mayyim hayyim. Blessed are You, Shekhinah, Source of Life, Who blesses us by embracing us in living waters. -Adapted by Dori Midnight 
The main thing I want to note about this is that…that’s not an accurate translation. It completely skips the word “eloteinu.” “Ruach ha-olam” means “spirit/breath of the universe/world,” not “Source of Life,” which would be “M’kor Ha-Olam,” as mentioned above. “Kid-shanu,” as she transliterates it, means “has sanctified us,” or “has made us holy,” not “blesses us”--both the tense and the word are wrong. “Bi-tevilah” doesn’t mean “embracing us,” either, it means “with immersing.” In full, the translation should be:
“Blessed are You, Shekhinah, our God, Spirit of the World, Who has sanctified us with immersion in living waters.”
The Shekhinah is an aspect/name of God(dess), though not a Name to the same level as the ones that can’t be taken in vain. It refers to the hidden Presence of God(dess) in our world, and is the feminine aspect of God(dess), inasmuch as God(dess) has gendered aspects–remember, our God(dess) is One. It’s not an unreasonable Name to use if you are trying to make a prayer specifically feminine.
(Though do be careful if you see it used in a blessing in the wild, because Messianics use it to mean the holy ghost.)
“Eloteinu” is, grammatically, the feminine form of Elokeinu (according to the fluent speakers I asked, though again I got several responses).
It is, again, odd that they don’t capitalize transliterated names of God, though here there is more of an argument that it’s a stylistic choice, Hebrew not having capital letters.
The Guide then repeats the link for Ritualwell.
Finally, we come to the last section, “Resources and Our Sources:”
First, they credit the Kohenet Institute and two of its founders. I do not want to go on a deepdive into the Kohenet Institute also, as this is already long enough, but I suppose I should say a bit.
The Kohenet Institute was a “clergy ordination program, a sisterhood / siblinghood, and an organization working to change the face of Judaism. For 18 years, Kohenet Hebrew Priestess Institutes founders, graduates and students reclaimed and innovated embodied, earth-based feminist Judaism, drawing from ways that women and other marginalized people led Jewish ritual across time and space” (Kohenet Hebrew Priestess Institute Homepage). It closed in 2023.
I have difficulty explaining my feelings about the Kohenet Institute. On the one hand, the people who founded it and were involved in it, I’m sure, were very invested in Judaism and very passionate in their belief. As with the authors of the Guide, I do not mean to attack them–I’m sure they’re lovely people.
On the other, I have trouble finding a basis for any of their practices, and most of what practices I do find trouble me–again, with the caveat that I am very much not into mysticism, so take my opinion with a grain of salt.
Of the three founders, only one (Rabbi Jill Hammer) seems to have much in the way of scholarly background. Rabbi Hammer, who was ordained at the Jewish Theological Seminary (a perfectly respectable school), has at least one article where she quotes the New Testament and a Roman satirist making fun of a Jewish begger who interpret dreams for money as proof “that Jewish prophetesses existed in Roman times,” which to me at least seems like saying that the Roma have a tradition of seeresses based on racist caricatures of what they had to do to survive, if you’ll pardon the comparison. In the same article, she says that Sarah and Abigail, who are listed in the Talmud as prophetesses “are not actually prophetesses as I conceptualize them here,” (pg 106) but that “abolitionist Ernestine Rose, anarchist Emma Goldman, and feminist Betty Friedan stand in the prophetic tradition.” Given God says explicitly in the text, “Regarding all that Sarah tells you, listen to her voice” (Genesis 21:12), I have no idea where she gets this.
The second founder, Taya Mâ Shere, describes the Institute on her website as “spiritual leadership training for women & genderqueer folk embracing the Goddess in a Jewish context,” which to me is blatantly what I and some of my editors have taken to calling Jews For Lilith. Now, it is possible this is a typo. However assuming it is not, and it would be a weird typo to have, this rather clearly reads as “the Goddess” being something one is adding a Jewish context to–which is exactly what I mean when I say this guide is taking Paganism and sprinkling a little Judaism on it. If it had said “embracing Goddess in a Jewish context,” I’d have no problem (aside from weird phrasing)--but “the Goddess” is very much a “divine feminine neo-pagan” kind of thing. We don’t say “the God” in Judaism, or at least I’ve never heard anyone do so. We just say God (or Goddess), because there’s only the one. In fact, according to this article, she returned to Judaism from neo-Paganism, and “began to combine the Goddess-centered practices she had co-created in Philadelphia with what she was learning from teachers in the Jewish Renewal movement, applying her use of the term Goddess to Judaism’s deity.” The “Goddess-centered practices” and commune in Philadelphia are described earlier in the article as “influenced by Wiccan and Native American traditions, in ways that Shere now considers appropriative (“After Kohenet, Who Will Lead the Priestesses?” by Noah Phillips).” I’m not sure how it suddenly isn’t appropriative now, but taking the Pagan practices you were doing and now doing those exact same rituals “but Jewish” is, in fact, still Pagan.
Shere also sells “Divining Pleasure: An Oracle for SephErotic Liberation,” created by her and Bekah Starr, which is a “divination card deck and an Omer counter inviting you more deeply into your body, your pleasure and your devotion to collective liberation.”
I hate this.
I hate this so much.
For those who don’t know, the Omer is the period between the second day of Passover and the holiday of Shavuot, 50 days later. It’s named for the Omer offering that was given on Passover, and which started the count of seven weeks (and a day, the day being Shavuot). The Omer, or at least part of it, is also traditionally a period of mourning, much like the Three Weeks between the fasts of the 17th of Tammuz and the 9th of Av–we don’t have weddings, we don’t listen to live music, we don’t cut our hair. It commemorates (primarily) the deaths of 24,000 students of Rabbi Akiva in a plague (possibly a metaphor for persecution or the defeat of the Bar Kochba revolt). It is often used as a time for introspection and self-improvement, using seven of the Kabbalistic Sephirot as guides (each day of the week is given a Sephira, as is each week, so each day of the 49 is x of y, see here). It’s not, as Shere’s class “Sex and the Sephirot: A Pleasure Journey Through the Omer” puts it, a time to “engage…toward experiencing greater erotic presence, deepening our commitment to nourishing eros, and embracing ritual practices of…pleasure.”
The final of the founders, Shoshana Jedwab, seems to be primarily a musician. In her bio on her website, scholarship and teaching are almost afterthoughts. I can find nothing about her background or classes. She’s also, from what I’ve found, the creator of the “sound mikvah.”
So all in all, while I’m sure they’re lovely people, I find it difficult to believe that they are basing their Institute on actual practices, particularly given they apparently include worship of Ashera as an “authentic” Jewish practice, see the above Phillips article and this tumblr post.
The institute also lists classes they offered, which “were open to those across faith practices - no background in Judaism necessary.” If you scroll down the page, you will see one of these courses was titled “Sefer Yetzirah: Meditation, Magic, & the Cosmic Architecture.” Sefer Yetzirah, for those of you unaware, “is an ancient and foundational work of Jewish mysticism.”
You may recall my saying something some 5700 (yikes) words ago about Jewish mysticism (i.e. Kabbalah) being a closed practice.
You may see why I find the Kohenet Institute problematic.
I will grant, however, that I have not listened to their podcasts nor read their books, so it is possible they do have a basis for what they teach. From articles I’ve read, and what I’ve found on their websites, I am unconvinced.
Returning to our original document, the Guide next gives several links from Ritualwell, which I’ve already discussed above. After those, they give links to two actual mikvah organizations: Mayyim Hayyim and Immerse NYC. Both are reputable organizations, and are Open Mikvahs. Neither (at least based on their websites) seem to recommend any of the nonsense in this Guide. In fact, Mayyim Hayyim explicitly does not allow non-Jews to immerse (unless it’s to convert). ImmerseNYC has advice to create a ritual in an actually Jewish way. I would say the link to these two groups are, perhaps, the only worthwhile information in this Guide.
They then list a few “mikveh related projects,” two of which are by the writers. The first, Queer Mikveh Project, is by one of the authors, Rebekah Erev. The link they give is old and no longer works, but on Erev’s website there is information about the project. Much of the language is similar to that in this guide. The page also mentions a “mikvah” ritual done to protest the Dakota Access Pipeline, in which “the mikveh…[was] completely optional.” And, of course, there was an altar. The second project, the “Gay Bathhouse” by (I believe) the other author and Shelby Handler, is explicitly an art installation.
The final link is to this website (thanks to the tumblr anon who found it), which is the only source we’ve been able to find on Shekinah Ministries (aside from a LOT of Messianic BS from unrelated organizations of the same name). So good news–this isn’t a Messianic. Bad news, it also seems to have a shaky basis in actual Jewish practice at best. It is run by artist Reena Katz, aka Radiodress, whose MKV ritual is, like “Gay Bathhouse,” a performance project. As you can see from the pictures on Radiodress’s website (cw for non-sexual nudity and mention of bodily fluids), it is done in a clearly portable tub in a gallery. As part of the process, participants are invited to “add any material from their body,” including “spit, urine, ejaculate, menstrual blood,” “any medication, any hormones they might be taking,” and supplies Radiodress offers including something called “Malakh Shmundie,” “a healing tincture that translates to “angel pussy” made by performance artist Nomy Lamm” (quotes from “An Artist’s Ritual Bath for Trans and Queer Communities” by Caoimhe Morgan-Feir). The bath is also filled by hand, which is very much not in line with halacha. Which, if you’re doing performance art, is fine.
But this Guide is ostensibly for authentic Jewish religious practice.
And with that (aside from the acknowledgements, which I don’t feel the need to analyze), we are done. At last.
Thank you for reading this monster of a post. If you have made it this far, you and I are now Family. Grab a snack on your way out, you deserve it.
Further Reading and Resources:
https://www.mayyimhayyim.org/risingtide/members/
https://www.mikvah.org/directory
https://www.mayyimhayyim.org/
http://www.immersenyc.org/
https://aish.com/what-is-a-mikveh/
https://www.chabad.org/theJewishWoman/article_cdo/aid/1541/jewish/The-Mikvah.htm
https://www.chabad.org/library/article_cdo/aid/1230791/jewish/Immersion-of-Vessels-Tevilat-Keilim.htm
https://www.myjewishlearning.com/article/why-immerse-in-the-mikveh/
Meth, Rabbi Ephraim. 50 Mikvahs That Shaped History. Feldheim Publishers, 2023.
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You can't tell me our main man Jim, Jim Kirk, James Kirk, James T Kirk, James Tiberius Kirk, CAPTAIN stack of books on legs James Respectful and Sensitive Tiberius Kirk does not know about Vulcan hand touching and their significance.
This man. JAMES KIRK. Looked at Spock, clearly vulcan spock, hands firmly planted behind his back Spock. LOOKED him up and down, and despite absolutely knowing it would not be considered impolite if he didnt offer a hand shake, looked at Spock, tall drink of water Spock, Vulcan sensitive hands used as terms of affection Spock, and was like hmmmm absolutely will make this Vulcan shake my hand. AND SPOCK gave like 1 second of thought before he was like yes absolutely here is my hand to hold for you and you only. I AM DECEASED
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Every day I wake up and think "Why is there no Childhood Friends Doflamingo x Reader fics?" and every day one of my Discord friends tell me "because Kid Doffy would literally treat Kid Reader like someone beneath him cus everything is still fresh for him" but I bring you counterarguments for the Childhood Friends Doflamingo x Reader story:
1. He meets Reader after his house gets burned down. Reader is Rosinante's age, so eight years old. It's when DQ brothers are being beaten by the thugs; kid Reader gets a bat and protects him and Rosinante from the thugs who were beating on them over bread
2. she brings them food from the restaurant her parents own - home cooked - and meets Homing & Mrs Donquixote, who encourage Doffy & Rosi to befriend her but Doffy remains careful
3. Doffy has confused feelings about Reader but she's only ever treated his injuries (the first human not to hurt him) so he decides Reader is "his human to protect" not "human to enslave" yep he has groups in his mind, little crazy baby flamingo boy
4. Reader teaches Doffy & Rosinante to climb trees. Doffy comments that's what monkeys do, but Reader teases him that whether it is what monkeys do, he still can't reach her if he doesn't climb. Doffy accepts the challenge. He doesn't take long to get the hang of it. Right when he is nearly at the top, he nearly falls but Reader grabs his hand and pulls him onto the branch. I think this is where Doffy starts having a little crush on Reader. He doesn't realise that's what it is.
5. I don't know Ace, Sabo, Luffy I know Doffy, Rosi & Reader. Sure they would not be as wild as ASL since the thugs in North Blue are probably much more deadlier than in East Blue, but they'd be good thieves.
6. Reader is so gentle with Rosi and Doffy gets jealous and says his brother is a crybaby and Reader shouldn't help him, he needs to learn on his own. Reader just blows Doffy a raspberry which makes Rosinante giggle - the first time Rosinante has laughed since their house burned down
I just think if we just put in some thought, it can be plausible for Kid Doffy to have Kid Reader as a friend in his childhood days. He'd feel challenged by a "human", someone younger than him, and want to prove his heavenly status, why he's better. Reader just nods along with it and is kind to them both. They don't do any sort of competitions, they just co-exist.
Kid Doffy is like a street cat. He bites and scratches, and tries to claw your face off, but it's cause he's been through terrible shit and he doesn't trust strangers. He needs patience and kindness.
The fic would require just some patience and kindness I think, for the childhood part of their story, so Doflamingo by the end of it considers Reader precious to him to the point he thinks he is the best person to protect her. That it's his duty. He'd probably call himself her heavenly guardian or sth in his mind when he reaches that point.
Of course, that then can turn into him becoming very possessive of Reader as they grow up (Doffy even when becoming the young 10-11 year old leader seems to stick to one headquarters in that timeframe) and his crush from childhood evolving through time from protectiveness into a wish for a romantic relationship.
Anyway, kid Doffy & kid Rosinante deserve to have a friend during that terrible time, and they both latch onto that little amount of kindness, they appreciate it a lot. Doflamingo only realises it later down the line how much it meant for him Reader supported him.
They show appreciation for that differently later. Doffy comes into the restaurant Reader inherited from her parents all the time and makes sure everyone in the North Blue knows that's his territory, and the place where his crew gathers to celebrate things. He always sends Reader gifts such as jewelry, and kisses her on both cheeks whenever he sees her, using the excuse of it being a custom in Dressrosa to his advantage. Rosinante shows his love with hugs. When he sees Reader when he's Corazon he just hugs her. He doesn't give a shit.
Also, Reader & Kid Law & Baby 5... Reader would feed them all the food and pamper them.
Doffy can't go without Reader's home cooked meals. Food is very important to him, I think, after experiencing starvation. He probably invites her to join the crew as their chef cook when they head for the Grand Line. If not...
Well, kidnapping you is always an option 🤣
(he would lie about what happened to Rosinante. either that or get completely drunk and cry in your lap, confessing everything. You know what, I like the latter. Let the big man cry. I love pathetic drunk Doffy.)
- Yandere Doffy Anon
Okay okay okay okay okay. This was gorgeous. I am in love, and all of the relationships with all of the kids, and the coddling of Rosi. Yes. Please. I love their relationship, the silent confusion in the "what is this feeling" -> it's addictive, and I love it. "My human to protect" WHERE DO I SIGN UP????
Here is my interpretation of what childhood friendship would look like with Doflamingo.
What about a young son of a celestial dragon having regular interactions with a contractually bound daughter of another celestial dragon? And then he's taken away from you by his father? Doflamingo x f!reader image.
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Your parents schedule regular playdates with one another so your faces do not grow lost on you both over time. From toddlerhood, to childhood, your friendship grew with your betrothed spouse as you both read with one another, and made puzzles and sculptures together. He pulled your hair, you brushed off his glasses, he bit you on the hand, and you cried to your maid.
You are a bit stuffy and spoilt, but what child of the pinacle of society isn't? Similar to Doflamingo, it is your birthright to be treated with the utmost respect and worshipful adoration.
But your heart becomes kind.
When becoming lost in a crowd of unfamiliar faces, the kindness of a stranger who knew nothing of your face changes you from a prissy young miss to a girl spun in webs of charity and compassion.
It makes the young Doflamingo disgusted seeing you interact and thank his servants when they fix you and him lunch. Conversing so freely with the chaperone, asking questions about his children, it makes the eight year old sick. He'd rather trick them into being scolded and thrashed.
When Donquixote Homing defects, the ties that strung you together lay severed and desolate. The friendship between you forbidden, but your mind often wanders into what had become of him. You both had this unspoken hatred and the closest friendship with one another any two children could have.
Inseperable.
Until you were separated.
It took four adults to restrain you from running to him in the council chambers. Hearing Doflamingo had returned with Homing's head, you had nearly lost yours with glee at his return. When he was denied a rise in reinstating his former title, you were overwhelmed with a grief beyond your years in capacity.
Over the decades, you wondered what had become of him. Your heart had been broken when your father renounced your coupling. Each time a potential spouse was presented to you, you would shut it down with haste. Although you were only young, you spoke with such indignation regarding your disdain for such an alliance. What if this one was taken from you too? Nothing would ever match up to him.
They would never be Doflamingo, and you refused to be the spouse of anyone who didn't meet his equal. His insanity mirrored a darkness in your heart that you had since clothed in kindness. He was your absolute, the stop at the end of the line. He was yours, and you were his completely.
When Tsuru had invited you to the first gathering of seven warlords of the sea, you had no idea what to expect. No matter what you prepared yourself with, your readiness mattered not for the sight that was to welcome you in. Charity was your character, and your humility is what made you the chosen celestial dragon the world government asked to converse with the most.
Pink feathers, rosy glasses, blonde hair, and a sinister grin you had long since burried, had your chest swell and eyes flood with every emotion. Silence was all you offered in your shock, your face shrouded behind a veiled cloth you often travelled with.
You knew exactly who you were looking at, and he had no idea it was you. The way his presence demanded attention, his sinister playfulness with Sir Crocodile and Tsuru, the way he openly taunted the former Marine Hunter Mihawk: each motion captured your soul and held you hostage.
It was only when Tsuru had asked you to speak did you stifle the warmth in your chest. You knew Doflamingo would likely hold disgust for the Celestial Dragons due to their lack of restoration, and you chose to ignore him - just as he ignored you.
When your attendants removed the veil from your extravagant headpiece, the first sound to travel through the realm was a collective gasp. You were young, a woman, and incredibly beautiful. Nothing any of the seven warlords were expecting was anything amounting to a single scrap of you. And you chose to play coy to the slack-jawed blonde in the corner.
After speaking your well rehearsed speech, Tsuru thanked you with her head bowing low, encouraging the other marines to pay their respects in kind. Sir Crocodile offered you a polite bow alongside Kuma and Jinbe. Mihawk tipped his hat to you, which you nodded in kind.
Immediately rising to his feet, Doflamingo's arms hung limp as his lips lay parted and almost quivering. His hands shook, his shoes feeling like lead in lieu of leather, and he finally stood before you. Your attendants sprung up to your side, your guardians guiding their hands to the hilts of their weapons: only ceasing when you hold up your own hand to stop them.
With that same hand, you hover it in front of Doflamingo's face, guiding it in an intimate expression without ever colliding with his skin. He rises his own, mirroring your motions and causing your eyes to flutter shut. An inaudible movement of your name courses through his lips, no sounds to voice them other than a single breath.
"Time has not been kind to you, mi amor," you whisper, Doflamingo's knees buckling at the tone your voice had grown into. It was the greatest symphony he had ever heard, the voice of his childhood friend blossoming into the bloom of the most beautiful woman he had ever seen.
"Time saved all it's kindness for you, mi querida," he managed string together beneath his petrification.
The room was silent, all watching in awe as the most detestable inhabitant in the council chambers was brought to his knees with a single look from a powerful woman. The familiarity had Tsuru's stomach tighten, wondering if extending an invitation to you was in her best interest. Although, seeing Doflamingo behave with his absolute best manners had her lip twitch up at the corner.
He was yours again. A man who was once everything, became nothing, and built himself up to something again. And he was yours.
And he couldn't be happier to be in your presence once more. Why else would he have fought so hard to rise to the top? For mere power alone?
No. That is far too simple. He is far from simple. It was for the chance to be once again worthy to stand in your presence and kneel at your feet as an equal in potential matrimony. But would you still have him after all the time that had passed between you?
Only you held that answer.
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Edit to add, I got distracted by the roast chicken and forgot to add the tag list. I'm sorry everyone.
Tag list: @mfreedomstuff @daydreamer-in-training @since-im-already-here @gingernut1314 @writingmysanity @sordidmusings @i-am-vita @indydonuts @feral-artistry @the-light-of-star @empirenowmp3 @racfoam @sunflowersatori @carrotsunshine @skullfacedlady
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doctorsiren · 5 months
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@pinkhibiscustea did a drawing earlier today that was basically this (and was based on a conversation that I have no context of) and I found it very funny, and (with her permission) I also drew it because it made me laugh
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spindle-and-nima · 1 month
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🫵🐇
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(tearfully) This is a REALLY good rabbit
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somegrumpynerd · 3 months
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okay, so, I thought of something.
So a pre-truce AU. The bad sanses do bad and the stars fight them blah blah blah-
But also, they have lives outside of that lol
So, one time a person spots nightmare at the grocery store, and calls the stars
And Dream shows up, "Whats wrong!?" And hes all panicked, sees Nightmare, shopping, and turns to the person and he's like "Wtf? Let the man shop"
The person is like "HES WANTED IN EVERY AU-"
And dream just like, rolls his eyes, apologized to nm, and leaves. And Nightmare brings home those ice cream sandwiches he wanted cross to try-
Asjlfdhfjhsvf LET THE MAN SHOP IN PEACE HE HAS 4 KIDS TO FEED
This is so funny, he can't send the boys because they cannot stick to a shopping list so he has to do it himself and he hates it. He's just standing in the frozen aisle looking for the potato smiley faces that they all like when he hears a very panicked and not very hushed phone call taking place. And he just sighs because it's every time. By the time Dream arrives he's in the cereal aisle and Dream just kinda sidles up next to him awkwardly and tries to make conversation.
"So... it's happened again, hm?" "It always does." "...There's an offer on taco shells, Ink told me Cross likes those" "We don't have to do this."
Dream is wondering if he needs to have some kind of PSA on when it's appropriate to call them. Not only because it's still awkward seeing his brother in normal circumstances pre-truce, but also Blue was showing him a videos game :c
Also I'm just picturing people seeing him at Ccino's and asking all amazed like "how did you get Nightmare to agree to behave and not start anything??" and Ccino's like "I don't think I ever told him, he just shows up and reads in the corner and leaves. Sometimes he brings his kids"
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gingermintpepper · 21 days
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I saw it in your tag game post that you're also fond of the Apollo-Heracles conflict 👀 for a myth that appears in only a couple of sources, it sure has a lot of presence in the vase paintings (no seriously, everytime I think I've seen the last of it, I find ten more)
SO do you have any favorites among the paintings that represent this story??
OMG OMG THIS ASK IS A GIFT. IT IS A GIFT THANK YOU VERY MUCH FOR LETTING ME TALK ABOUT THIS
I also think it's extremely interesting that it's a story so popularly portrayed by vase paintings and in such a variety of ways!! It's certainly one of the stories that gets left out of written compilation of Heracles' legend a bit (which is a shame, I think it's a fantastic story) but Apollo had a very peculiar relationship with Heracles in general that I just kind of find amazing (and very, very funny).
Apollo is not a god with any legitimate grudge against Heracles, but he does argue with the mortal a bit like he argues with his favourite brothers 😂Part of why I love the story of Apollo and Heracles fighting over the tripod so much is that it is such a little brother thing for Heracles to be upset with the proclamation his elder brother has given him and so, he throws a great fit, taking up the chair and declaring that he'll just give himself a better prophecy! And Apollo, instead of being a marginally professional big brother, decides to fight him for it until their father has to break up their cat-fight. Like was that not just the plot of the Homeric Hymn to Hermes? Is this not exactly how Apollo treated Hermes when he was a child and now those two are inseparable? 💀
Because of this, my favourite vase paintings tend to be the ones that highlight the personal squabbling between Apollo and Heracles the most. There are some very elaborate ones that have the full host of them - Athena, Heracles, Apollo, Artemis, usually a dog and a doe, I've even seen a couple that had birds and plants etched on them, but the simplest ones that show Heracles about to bonk Apollo with his club out of frustration or depict Heracles nyooming away from Apollo while Apollo (presumably) yells curses about how he's going to fling Heracles head first into Tartarus for daring to take his things? Yeah, those are the premium big brother/little brother things I'm looking for.
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(Photo. Marie-Lan Ngyuen)
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(Photo. Museo Claudio Faina)
Also the one in the Theoi.com archives is a real classic - perfect energy.
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#ginger answers asks#Thank you SO much for letting me talk about this even a little it always makes me smile#Despite their disputes - if you ask me Apollo was quite fond of Heracles#And I think a big part of why I ultimately come to that conclusion is that Apollo never hinders Heracles or withholds blessings from him#He simply calls him a bitch every time he sees him and then makes his life marginally more inconvenient#like any good older brother let's be so fr#It's extremely charming to see him so playful with a mortal he's not in love with/that is not his son#Other moments of Apollo teasing Heracles includes him trying to convince Artemis not to let Heracles catch her doe when he comes#to fulfill that particular labour (again he doesn't actually try to stop it he just puts up a bit of a fuss about it)#and perhaps another of my all time favourites#Personally luring Heracles into Admetus' house so Heracles can wrestle Thanatos while Apollo rescues Alcestis#I DO NOT KNOW WHY MORE PEOPLE DON'T TALK ABOUT THE LUNACY OF APOLLO'S ADMETUS/ALCESTIS PRESERVATION PLAN#He really said “No yeah I know a guy don't worry about Death Incarnate” and then Heracles shows up at Admetus' door like this is a sitcom#The laugh track that plays in my mind every time Admetus opens that door sees Heracles and then looks back at the disguised Apollo like#'HIM?? HERACLES?? Heracles who can break me in seven pieces with a thought Heracles???'#And Apollo just gives him a thumbs up and says “feed him well pookie <33”#Genuinely some of the funniest shit I have the pleasure of reading in greek myth#Another reason I don't think Apollo has any ill will against Heracles though is how Apollo reacts when Heracles#loses Hylas in the Argonautica#Or well some versions of the Argonautica - this is also a story that changes wildly depending on the source/compilation#But Apollo is incredibly sympathetic to Heracles' sorrow and kind of decides there and then that Heracles losing one love#should be the return of another and asks that Zeus let Heracles free Prometheus when he makes his descent into the underworld#Similarly it is Apollo who anoints Alcaeus/Alcides the name Heracles (also dependent on the myth source)#They just had a very fun relationship and it's a serious shame that it's not acknowledged more#apollo#heracles#greek mythology#(Also people do not talk about the fact that Apollo grappled with Heracles to a standstill enough actually)
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inkblackorchid · 5 months
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queen of faithshipping content, i need your 2cents, do you think that babies kissed off-screen in the finale? 🥹
Ok first of all "queen of faithshipping content" is a title I don't think I deserve (yet) but I'll happily take it ^^"
That said. Do u know what u have just unleashed. Listen. Listen.
Obviously they kissed off-screen. Like, I get it, the writers were cowards about the whole thing because it's a strictly genre-defined shonen show aimed at twelve year-old boys, yadda, yadda, but for the love of all that's holy.
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Their faces are reflected in each other's fucking eyes. They must be standing so close together I can't.
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AND THEN AKI CLOSES HER GODDAMN EYES. WHAT THE FUCK WOULD SHE BE CLOSING HER EYES FOR IF NOT FOR A KISS. You cannot make this shit up.
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^ Extremely intimate way to hold hands.
Like. Look. Look. I'm not mandating that everyone needs to ship these two. People have their Yusei ships, people have their Aki ships, live and let live, I occasionally enjoy content shipping these two with other people too. It's literally fine. BUT. As far as the actual show is concerned for me, they are canon. At least as canon as toolshipping, roseknightshipping, treasonshipping, firebirdshipping or what have you, at any rate. And unless the actual, real-life team who wrote, storyboarded, animated, directed, and voice acted the scene above literally comes out of the woodwork to tell me otherwise, it's always going to be a kiss to me. Case closed.
So, did they kiss? Short answer: Yes.
Long answer:
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simmyfrobby · 1 year
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and someone will probably love you for who you are ... But for now, you have friends, who are not going anywhere. Please stay here.
― Prayer for Werewolves, Stephanie Burt
Hockey Poetry Post 50/?
(Photo credit: Sean M. Haffey, Debora Robinson, link, link, Derek Cain, Debora Robinson, link, Sean M. Haffey, Debora Robinson, Melissa Tamez, Tim Nwachukwu, Len Redkoles, Rich Graessle, Melissa Tamez, Sean M. Haffey, Debora Robinson, Emilee Chinn, Randy Litzinger)
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missartistabby · 27 days
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AHH!! HEAR ME OUT ON THIS IDEA!!
What if Lucifer finds a drawing in Satan’s room of him and Diavolo at the cat cafe (a drawing he drew in school) or maybe like a picture the two took together from that day wearing cat ears.
OR maybe Lucifer spots Diavolo and Satan at a park or something and sees how happy Satan looks with Diavolo. And maybe Lucifer starts to feel a little warm and fuzzy seeing how lovingly (and fatherly) Diavolo treats Satan but he either ignores the feeling, is oblivious to why he feels like that, or just thinks nothing of it.
Idk but I kinda want Lucifer to see the relationship between Diavolo and Satan (do they have a close relationship btw?)
and maybe he can slowly open his eyes to see that Michael is just a toxic and manipulative pos who doesn’t deserve his love 😤
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I hear ya and I absolutely love it!
Lucifer would definitely feel the warm fuzzy feeling and wonder why he feels that way when he looks at Diavolo. Especially when he sees how Diavolo is so kind to Satan. (Still debating what I want to do with Satan's other parent. Not sure if I want to go the traditional route and have a mom or go an untraditional route and have another dad?).
Regardless, Lucifer fought hard to get his kid because the other parent was adamant that Luci wasn't fit (which he proved he was because it is Lucifer we're talking about). So seeing Diavolo being a great guy, it makes his heart flutter and makes him question his relationship with Michael.
Michael has made it hard for Lucifer to leave due to financial dependency and emotional abuse and manipulation. But the gears are turning for Lucifer!
I feel like Satan and Diavolo only saw each other a few times when Lucifer had to meet up for a class project. Satan kept his nose in a book and Diavolo kinda kept his distance. But after the cat cafe, I feel like Satan is jonesing to hang out with Diavolo again. He asks Lucifer all the time and Luci doesn't want to bother Diavolo because he has his own thing (plus Michael would have a fit if he heard Lucifer talking to Dia). But when need be, Lucifer will let Diavolo watch Satan, who is super stoked about it. So then their friendship blooms and Satan wants Diavolo to be his other dad!
I will definitely have to make a panel where maybe Lucifer comes to pick up Satan from Mammon's work and he sees Diavolo there with Satan. He sees how happy his son is with Diavolo and is kinda starting to feel all lovey inside. Or maybe Lucifer and Satan are in the park and Diavolo comes up to say hi and Satan is all over him, asking to go to the cat cafe again.
Thank you for the ideas Anon! (You can keep em coming!) 😊😊
(also sorry for the long reply! Couldn't help myself 😅)
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yuseirra · 1 month
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I went out for a walk and it helped me organize my thoughts, let me be bold about my theories/assumptions because I CAN and it's a now or never thing till it's proven wrong. But when I write these, I am confident to a degree. I get worried later, but I feel sure when I write them.
I believe Kamiki lied to Aqua to save him the pain of feeling sorry for him, the way Ai was very harsh when she left him.
Also, I believe Ai picked the right guy to love. This guy has a really tender soul. Or at least used to be, I think. He's very gentle in nature. Uh huh, he'd have been really good with their kids if he had the chance to raise them, him and Ai would have made a sweet family the way Ai pictured it to be. This guy's polite and sweet. Let me explain, okay?
I looked back at those segments in 154 when there's a flashback of Ai leaving Kamiki and Kamiki talking about Ryosuke, and the way things are laid out looks really similar to each other. I'd say it actually looks like parallels to each other. The sides of their faces appearing(and we don't see their eyes) and then their backs turned at the viewer. When expressions are concealed like these, you can't read what the characters are actually feeling. And this comic has really powerful expressions that are very on point and let the reader "understand" and feel what the characters are going through.
that entire page where Kamiki talks to Aqua about having wanted to scare Ai? I think 80% of it would be all lies. The only part that I believe is the actual truth would be that he did give Ryosuke the address and he didn't know that he'd kill her, but that's probably something that's slipped out by mistake. The explanation he brings up for having done such an action is utterly ridiculous and dumb. There are so many ways to "make someone despair", and needless to mention that it's so wrong and terrible to do, its also not something that's guaranteed to work, nor is it practical in the first place. It's an action that has really low probability to achieve the said desirable effect. That's why I keep making speculations about this, it does not make sense. I bet most of the fandom would have felt the same way about what he's said as well, saying stuff like: "How could he have never seen it coming?" Yeah, right?? I think he isn't responsible for this happening to begin with. Any person with a sane mind would feel this way, and he doesn't seem that insane. I think Nino could be irrational to some extent but not this guy!!! That's why I'm convinced that it wasn't this guy who could have done this, but Nino after she's been thrown into the picture.
Kamiki would know what he's saying doesn't make quite a lot of sense himself. He's a fully-grown adult!! Over 30 now, and he should know enough to realize what he's talking about. He's just trying to push through because he's been used to lying for other people's behalf and he's pretty confident that he can fool people, the way he used to be ever since he was so little.
What he's saying is just a flat-out lie to save his son from feeling the slightest amount of guilt for having to socially kill his own dad. I think so. Him and Ai are a liar couple. Ai lied and made it really harsh, I think, in order to save her boyfriend from feeling too terrible about the breakup, she wanted him to hate her for it and move on from her quickly and save himself. What Kamiki's doing here's similar. He doesn't want someone he cares about (he does care about his children btw, gonna discuss about this later) to have any remorse or concern over him. He'd feel better if his children just plain wants him dead, that's his way of loving them, the way Ai was for him.
Aqua's reaction towards Kamiki's ridiculous claim is so blank and unmoved, he should have been ANGRY, grabbed him by the collar, scold him, make inquiries, but Aqua just moves on to ask if Kamiki believed Ai's words. And then we see Kamiki's face with eyes, in acceptance, saying he did, continuing to say "everything Ai's said is the norm." That's a totally different approach to the claims he's made earlier, it contradicts it, because just a second ago he claims he wanted to have Ai feel the same despair as him and scare her for having claimed she can't love him, but then, he says what she's said (the fact that she can't love him) is understandable and right. Those two reactions, I believe, can't be simultaneously established at the same time. What he says later is how he truly feels about the situation. He just plain accepted that he was never loved. It wasn't something so surprising for him.
I said this in another post yesterday but he's as much as a liar as Ai is, they both constantly smile to pretend they're all right.
That smile he floats is consistent through the entire time he's shown in the story and the only times it breaks is when it has to do with Ai and when she sees him through. And it starts to break the moment he sees her talking about him. Every expression he makes when he sees Ai in the video are his true feelings. His smiles, on the other hand, are his coping mechanism and are all masks.
If you see his behavior patterns, Kamiki smiles when he's in distress, that's his way of coping when something he can't fully comprehend happens. He cries as he smiles as he seeked for Ai's help in a flashback in 153, and he tries to float a smile when Ai says she's going to leave him. And the way he responds to these tough situations, when he faces them, are... soft. He tries to calm himself down and inquires Ai "Why.. is that so?" and his reactions after that too.. are very far from aggressive. He was always far from being so during the times we actually see him do things.
I don't know how his way of speech is in Japanese, but I have a feeling he'd be the type that speaks in a very polite way. When him and Ai meet for the first time, I think he used honorifics to her and attached a -san to her name? He was pretty polite when he talks to Yura, too, and I mentioned this once but he EVEN ADDS A -KUN AND -SAN TO TRASH LIKE RYOSUKE AND AN ABUSER LIKE AIRI. The guy killed the love of his life and the woman.. I don't even want to bring up what she did to him, he has all the right to show signs of bitter hatred towards them, but.. he doesn't... This attitude of his is also consistent of how he was as a child. As a little boy, he was mistreated but he tried to endure it thinking 'but they're happy'. I don't think that part about him has changed so much. He finds it really hard to hate on people, even when it can be justified. That's why, I don't think he would have harnessed any hatred towards Ai. He didn't even do that to Ryosuke and Airi!!! They're terrible people!!! If he can't do that to those scumbags of individuals, would he to Ai?? Would he?? There are people who are selfish and are strong towards the weak and weak towards the strong but I don't think that would apply to his case. Nope, I don't think Kamiki originally has it in him to harm ANYONE at all.
I wholeheartedly see why Ai really wanted to protect him. He's just so.. vulnerable and maybe even too kind for his own good. Ai has a lot of protective instinct and she's really caring towards others in the ways she could. Seeing a guy like this.. would have really made her wish 'oh, I really want to help him.' AND that's exactly what she does!!! She's even left a message to her kids about this!! Help this guy with me, she says.
Continuing on with the polite and kind bit, this characteristic of him is ACTUALLY THERE in his interactions with his children. He didn't get to be with them, but I think he was happy he got a chance to approach and talk to them, he probably wants to give them their mother back with everything he's got from what I'm guessing. I think he may have just wanted to pet Ruby's head that one time his eye sparkled white and smiled. He could have been a proud dad, he praises his kids every time he meets them, says they're pretty, they made a good movie, congratulates them, says they shine. He understands Aqua's character and pays attention to Ruby when her career soars.
It's similar to how Ai was really proud of her children and wanted to spend more time with them but couldn't. I feel they would have been loving parents if they had raised their children together. It's just as how Ai's pictured it. She knows what kind of guy her boyfriend is. She's the person who'd understand him the most out of anyone, ever in the world and she wanted to be with him while being aware of it. He says he is willing to give his life for her, he STATES that as a quote. So, she did find someone who's pretty good! The guy had sweet nature, is good with kids, also had good looks(she had to mention that as she left lol.. that too is also what hurt him though, she knew exactly which strings to pull to render him speechless), doesn't have that much aggressive tendencies, is polite, a good actor, shares a similar past and could relate really well to her,
he did suffer a lot and that made him a bit insecure but he genuinely loved her and she did too, and if things brightened up a bit.. if he could have been lifted of those burdens he had..they really could have had a future together. The important thing here is that HE is the one she wants. Ai is very serious about love, and she's intelligent, I feel. She figures what's good for her and she gets what she wants. And she wanted to be with him. I don't think her being with him would be concluded as a mistake. There's been so many horrible things that were thrown to the both of them but, they were both essentially good people who found each other and wanted to love. I want the story to end with that sentiment. The more I try to analyze the guy, I feel he may not been that bad... he actually seems to be a pretty tender person inside. If only they could have been happy... idk how, but maybe they can still, you know? Because as they say in the first chapter, this story is fiction, but most fiction has a happy ending. Also, what I could infer from the movie arc when that was brought up again was that "love" isn't fiction. It's something very real that can't be brushed off as fake. Kamiki knows Ai's always loved him now, and he'll try to do something from his end. Love goes both ways and theirs will too, in the very end.
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theloveinc · 7 months
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OKAY hear me out but touya WITH a job getting ready at your cute vanity and pink room. struggling to put up his cargo pants/ slacks with the belt, while running over to get his coat off of the fuzzy pink chair in the corner. he's forced to fix his hair and check if his face looks the least presentable in your mirror filled with polaroids before he goes out and it's SO funny to watch him do that omg. i'm gonna die
(pt. i!)
WAHHH mismatched socks, the elastic of his calvin kleins (that u bought him) peeking out at his backside; he nearly trips over his work bag that's waiting for him on the floor and practically slides right into your full-length mirror--you're really rooting for him and even though he wouldnt say it, he'd try to strangle himself if he lost his job for being late just one too many times--because he's rushing to get out the door.
you can hear him from the kitchen where you're putting together lunches (not for him specifically, but because you already make something for yourself, you might as well...you're welcome, touya), AND YES IT'S SO HARD not to laugh when the door bursts open and he's looking like a little fool with his black and white hair actually combed down and smudges around his eyes from trying + failing to get your eyeliner off of him.
(also, did he use your hairspray that was sitting on your vanity? maybe. okay, yes. though it's no surprise he knows where everything you own is lmfao)
he stills refuses to let you put things in a lunch box, but no way in HELL he's not shoving the wrapped sandwich and bento full of fruit into his bag before !!! kissing you goodbye!!!
it's truly like a dream come true 'coz even though part of him feels like a DOG having to work for the man, making you happy is what MAKES HIM HAPPY and being able to fill your (and now! his) room with more cute and pink things is his new favorite hobby...
(and even though he blushes like hell doing it, the next lunch date he's picking you up from, he's paying the whole table's bill in CASH and not taking no for an answer. makes him feel the best he has in a while. even though he's still eating everyone's leftovers lmao.)
slay the house down HOUSTON I'M DECEASED!!!!
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httpiastri · 14 days
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ok but popstar! reader being seem wearing a bracelet with Paul's name while people are spreading rumors about them 👀👀
AAAAA!!!!!! omg?? stop thats so????????!!!! and i imagine fans in the paddock seeing her there and going "oh hi! would you like a paul bracelet??" and her accepting it all sweetly bcs she's seen them all over social media and always wanted a bracelet!! and then she doesn't take it off like ever.... 😭
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etanow · 1 month
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so i was re-reading the lab au fic and remembered a detail i havent seen anyone else bring up. Jax knows Pomni's real name after finding her name tag. Will he ever tell her or will he just keep it for himself? I adore this au and you are fucking cooking with the fic <3
Oh, if only things were that easy 🫠
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