Podrías hacerme este pedido: qué pasa con ella? Con Natasha, tu novia. Luego del Blip, se la paso distante -sin esa dulzura que mostraba contigo- o simplemente sin cumplir su papel de novia. Se la pasaba en su oficina, con la mirada perdida y en sus pensamientos - nunca te hablo de eso.
Podrías agregar que cambió cosas en su rutina, como por ej: antes la escuchabas en llamadas con los restantes vengadores, pero eso ya no pasa o la extrañas en tus sábanas - ahora se la pasa despierta.
Por último, el complejo, el cual previamente llamaron hogar y dónde intercambiaban risas o amor mutuo, paso a ser un espacio silencioso, tal vez sombrío, sin amor.
༉‧₊˚. 𝐥𝐨𝐯𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐲𝐨𝐮 𝐬𝐢𝐥𝐞𝐧𝐭𝐥𝐲
pairing . Natasha Romanoff x reader
summary . when Natasha met you, you brought the side of her she didn't know before — the happy, gentle, soft side. when something major happens, will she continue to be the girlfriend you deserve? will she allow her feelings and past to take you away from her?
warnings . the blip events, brief descriptions of Nat's past, cursing, yelling, breaking down, breaking up (?), angst.
notes . english is not my first language (🇧🇷) so i apologize for any spelling errors. this fic here is for my big sister @scarjosii22 who couldn't finish her story and asked me to do it for her.
divider credits: @sister-lucifer @i-mmaculatus
part two: loving you from afar (somewhere)
it was another day in which you stared at yourself in the mirror, after brushing your teeth, showering and braiding your hair before sleep — something she used to do. yeah, the dark circles under your eyes certainly grew bigger, that was for sure. a tsk comes out of your lips as you walk out of the bathroom, the only sound echoing through the pavement being your heavy steps.
perhaps you did it on purpose. a little sound was certainly missing in that place.
it had been five years, five years since she started blaming herself for not managing to stop Thanos — Natasha Romanoff, the only one with no superpowers, that had to rely only on her weapons and strength, blamed herself. you tried to talk to her about this, you had multiple conversations, and yet they seemed pointless. that woman was so goddamn stubborn, and never listened to you.
at some point, you'd certainly grow tired of that. and that point had co—
no, it didn't. you told yourself everyday you'd never give up on your relationship. you tried to remember the reason you fell in love with her over and over, to see if that would keep you grounded.
she protected me, she saved me, she showed me i could trust her, she showed me i was enough for her.
it was what she used to tell you, everyday, basically. when you got insecure, about the fact she was powerful and good at so many things, she reassured you you were the best thing that has ever happened to her. that you were the one that saved her. the light on her life.
maybe's just the fact that Natasha never had a relationship before you, so she didn't really know how it was to love and be loved back, or... she just didn't have any experience. but she did. she's a spy, and if there was an Avenger that knew about feelings it was her. you knew for a fact she was aware of how neglected you were becoming in your relationship, but for some reason she chose not to do anything about it.
you walked past the main gate — unfortunately, you had to pass through her office to get to your room — to see her eyes focused on the screen computer. again. watching the faces of the people who disappeared with the blip. you shook your head, sighing in frustration and pulling the computer's wire out of the socket. Natasha frowned, and the words that came out of her mouth cut deep.
"what's wrong with you!?"
"what's wrong with me?" you scoff back. "you're treating me as if i were some stranger, Natasha. i'm your partner. do you recall that?"
she completely ignores everything you say and narrow her eyes at you. she abruptly stands up from her chair and towers you. "i'm working. can't you fucking see that?"
your eyes widen in surprise and honestly, annoyance. it wasn't the first time you confronted her on the week and it wasn't gonna be the last either. "you saw those goddamn slides for a thousand times already, and literally! do you think staring at them will bring them back? keep dreaming, then,"
that statement intrigued her. she took a step back, wrapping her arms around herself, gulping audibly. her only answer was to turn the computer on again and turn her back on you.
"good night, Natasha." you tell her, not realizing the one tear rolling down your face. "i'm going to sleep now."
and with that, you took the elevator to the dormitories floor and entered your shared room with her, practically throwing your slippers away and tucking yourself under the covers, the cold, empty sheets.
you missed her there. god, you did. your body subconsciously snuggled up against the blanket as you grabbed the pillow that once belonged to to her, and held it tightly. and you just, cried.
༉‧₊˚. ★
Natasha didn't sleep, those weren't news. she stayed the night on the sofa of her office, staring at the big glass window there. the colour pallette of the garden outside reminded her of herself. dark green, grey, navy blue, and black. the nature was already dead because no one bothered to go outside and take care of the plants.
she couldn't brush away the thought of the similarity between that and your situation with her. you were drowning, and she wasn't even trying to pull you out.
the compound was empty. no more jokes. no more laughter. no more the Avengers and certainly no more Natasha. the russian woman thought of that as a punishment for her uselessness. she was purposefully dragging herself away from you, so with that you'd probably find another partner, someone else who wasn't broken like her, that could give you the love you so desperately needed. or, a tiny, tiny piece of her wanted someone to suffer like her, to feel everything she felt. but that wasn't something she was going to admit. was it?
so she just laid back against the backrest and stared at the ceiling, trying to calm down her racing thoughts but failing.
some of the superheroes tried to get in touch with her by the communication channels, but she wasn't accepting the calls. she'd given up on leading the Avengers. it wasn't her job anyway.
her best friend, Clint, was out there killing people like she once did. Steve had a support group for the people who didn't snap, but she thought it was bullshit to join. so she lived within the four walls of the office, trapped, unable to get out.
༉‧₊˚. ★
the saliva you swallowed dragged across your sore throat, making you hiss out of pain. this morning, you were trying— no, you were determined to give yourself a good time, regardless of that sounding insane on the current circumstances. a girlfriend who didn't love you anymore and half of the world gone? what a great way of living.
you searched inside the pantry for the strawberry tea and made yourself a cup, heating it on the microwave. you leaned against the counter and waited for it to get ready. while waiting, you took a moment to glance around. you smiled when your eyes landed on a specific plushie resting on a corner. a turtle plushie you and Natasha used to take care of together.
when the microwave clicked, you grabbed the tea and took a sip of it, the strawberry flavor, along of the warmth of it were a momentary relief, for all the mess going on there. speaking of mess, it was the definition of the person who had just walked in the kitchen.
"good morning, Nat," you murmur, attempting to be friendly. "i made myself some tea. would you like so—"
"just here to get some aspirin." she quickly, roughly cuts you off, opening the cabinet and searching through it. instead of taking one, she opened the bottle and turned it on her mouth, taking all the pills at once.
your eyes widened. what the hell was she doing? trying to dope herself and not even hiding? your feet moved faster than you as you grabbed her chin with one hand, as your other one practically punched her on the back, making her cough all the pills out.
instead of speaking, you take a moment to process what just happened. you frustratedly run your fingers through your hair, pacing around the kitchen. "look. if you don't want to have a good day, that's fine by me. but if you're not giving me a good day, at least allow me to have it myself. please?"
"i'm minding my business," she coughs out, dull eyes looking into yours. "you don't have to get in my way."
"you literally almost killed yourself in front of me!" you snap, a sudden rush of anger washing over you. "what the fuck do you expect me to do in a situation like that, huh? do you want me to sit here and enjoy the freaking view, to watch you as you slip away from me!?''
Natasha's body involuntarily shake as you yell. she didn't like yelling. it was what triggered the tears pooling on the corners of her eyes.
"tell me, Natasha. what do i have to do for Thanos to snap me away too!?" you scoff and throw the porcelain cup on the skin, the sound of the shards shattering filling the place. "because i really wish i disappeared too. would you like that?"
you breath heavily after the outburst, eyes watching as her body sunk down to the floor. her eyes were wide in fear and shock. it wasn't a pleasant view. you gulp and walk towards her. "i'm sorr—"
"get away!" she yells back, stumbling backwards as if you were some monster. "leave me fucking alone!"
"Natasha, i don't wanna hurt you—" you try again, frowning and trying to reach out for her.
loud sobs escapes the redhead, and she doesn't try to suppress them. she body is a mess autopilot working and everything is way too confusing for you to understand. she buries her face in her hands and refuses your comfort. so you sit on the floor as well, leaning against the cold wall but keeping a good distance between you two — hearing her cries.
༉‧₊˚. ★
the tension was palpable between the two of you. you were way too tired to have another pointless conversation with her, so you stayed quiet. it was already night again, 6pm precisely, and neither of you had left the kitchen. when you looked to the side, you saw Natasha's eyes still open. she was still listening.
"i'm still here," you begin, lifting your hand up and staring at the ring on your finger. "loving you silently."
Natasha's eyes barely flicker with the sound of your gentle voice. but she stays quiet.
"i still imagine myself getting hugged by you. having your kisses. having your body close. having you close. i miss all of that. i miss when you listened to me," you chuckle humorlessly, grabbing a shard of porcelain and fidgeting with it. "i miss my Natasha."
"stop," she quietly pleads, squeezing her eyes shut. "please stop."
"you're so selfish. you became so selfish." you sigh, weakly standing up. you open the sink faucet and throw a little bit of fresh water on your face. "trying to protect yourself, trying not to face the truth. you don't even think about me anymore."
when she doesn't speak, you continue.
"i could help. i helped you before, didn't i? i helped you with everything you ever asked me for. i helped here, your team, because i'm good at what i do. that's why Tony hired me. because i was good for all of you. i got a room in the Avengers Compound. but this?" you gesture around. you raise your voice again, but not yelling — just as if you wanted somewhere to hear. "this seems like a haunted house! where's all the people in here!?"
Natasha stands up, her red baggy eyes looking into yours as she pointed a finger at you. "it's not gonna change. there's no point in trying to."
"really? you don't say," you laugh dryly and shrug your shoulders. "i realized that a long time ago."
you take a deep breath, shaking your head. you had no tears left to cry, really. you shed so much for her, and for everything around you. the next thing you did surprised Natasha — but not as much as she thought it would.
you carefully slip the ring out of your finger and placed it on her hand, folding her fingers around it. your lips pressed on a thin line. "i love you, Natasha. i always will."
she clears her throat, feeling her eyes begin to burn again.
"when you become the Natasha i love again, please let me know."
part two: loving you from afar (somewhere)
(aí está, @scarjosii22. espero que você goste dessa, e espero que você pegue as referências do chá, e da tartaruga 🐢🍓)
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