#thanks for being mentally weird in this space with me lol

[iggy-hands]

Me too fam. I should've waited to watch 7 bc I was stressed earlier in the day. Not that I don't trust Jenks to give us a good ending it just makes me worry. I'm too emotionally attached 🫠

No this is literally it, it makes me anxious!!!

Which is so stupid because it's a romcom series full of weird little guys, but!! Idk!!!

I don't want to watch it if I'm already stressed/tired I feel like I'm not going to watch it "correctly" if I do that, even though that's not a real thing

[emersonfreepress]

help i'm alive

So! Long time, no see. 2023 was a whole goddamn lot lol

I don't have a demo update to share yet, but that's because I had to scrap nearly everything I managed to write during a very, very, very bad stint of writer's block last year. I hadn't even realized it had been a block like that until I went over my work so far last month and realized it was bad -- like, trust me; a slog to read that didn't even sound like me. It's been extremely frustrating but I've finally broken free of that and it's been easy and actually fun to write again for the first time in actual years. I just hate giving updates that have no actual news in them. And I really had nothing to share other than: I deleted thousands of words and feel so much better now 😅

Anyway, little about my demo plans have changed: I'm still putting out the Chapter 3 demos in Choicescript/on Dashingdon and then will be going dark to move things over to Twine. Where I am in the process right now is... feeling like 35% done with the overhauled version of this chapter and 50% done for the next demo update.

As far as asks, I'm... not really sure what to do?? I believe I've read them all (I love you guys), but so much time has passed since getting most of them that I'm not sure if it's, like... still pertinent??? To go back and answer them?? I suppose some of them like character asks could be, but all the nice messages of support -- that feels weird since I've practically ghosted this blog since August! Idk. Y'all tell me what to do with 'em and I'll do it. Maybe I should make a poll.

Uh... that's really all there is to say regarding the game! I've added some personal stuff after the cut, but if you're done here: Thanks for reading and sticking around. It means the world, for real.

So what has occupied my time all this time? Doctor, therapy, money, and friends. And improv! But especially the first two. There was a lot of non-writing related stuff fucking up my ability to focus and write, so hopefully with my mind and body both feeling a lot better, I can get back to being present and active with the game. I didn't realize how physically unwell I was until last year and it's been like... life-long issues I've been treating. It turns out it's not normal to feel exhausted enough to sleep at any given time, at all times, for your whole life! wow!!

I also uninstalled Tumblr from my phone back in February, so you could say I'm sort of generally focused on offline life. (And what an interesting coincidence that my writer's block dissipated shortly after that...) I also just moved!! The last two weekends have been so expensive and stressful -_- But I can't even compare the old place to the new. We're basically paying the same price for idek how much more space. The cats are so happy; which means the house humans get to be happy.

My schedule is finally freed up from constant medical shit (there was a 3-month stretch this winter with multiple doctor appointments literally every fucking week 🙃🙃🙃). My mental health is doing a lot better -- literally incomparably better compared to where I was this time last year. There's live comedy now (which I dabble in, to be clear lol), but I've finally found myself able to like... balance it all. The physical and creative energy that goes into it all, anyway. The lovely thing about improv is that you kinda just show up and do your thing -- it doesn't cut into my writing time so much as it costs energy. Unless I end up in this comedy debate show thing next month, which I am very excited to give up writing time for

So like... Life is life-ing and I'm just vibing. Or something? I'll be around.

Thank you all again so much for your interest, support, patience, and readership <3

[pearl-likes-pi]

i honestly dont know hoe to say this, but you really had a hand in shaping my brai chemistry while i was growing up, no kidding. i remember when i was 13 or so and whenever you posted a pearl rap career chapter it would unironicaly make my day (specially when you dropped the peridot chapter i had a stomach infection or smth, so that video and the last one out of beach city episode were on replay for me for a few days). its really weird seeing that rebecca managed to make a safe space for lgbt folks (it was really hard for me to accept myself as gay, it seems really simple nowadays but back then it was so discomforting to even thinm about it so su and its fandom, and by some extent, your vids, helped me externalize some feelings or queernes i guess, do you remeber when someone said your video editing was raw and masculine? lol). anyways, its wild to think i was in 5th grade when i first watched laser light canon and now im finishing my journalism course in college and seeing how this show raised me in some way and helped me to be aware of my own mental health i only have good memories, thankfully, and its really sad to see that it ended, but i honestly wouldnt have had it any other way. its kind of a long rant but id like to thank you, mackenzie, your videos made me laugh a lot when i was a teen and they still make me now. this show was truly a gift, it made us connect to something bigger and magical. this was kind of a long rant since ive kinda forgotten that su existed and remined that it existed because of some dreams lol. i remembered back then when i was super anxious about the cluster episode, i remeber checking your tumblr everyday and seeing fanon content. i really dont know how to express myself since english is not my first language and i tend to ramble on a lot on my native one, but id like to say youve made me smile a lot, it was so cool seeing you present the su podcast and being an intern at CN. i honestly wish you the best.

Dude it means so much to hear that my lil shitposts have had an impact on people!!!! I completely understand where youre coming from re: SU's impact on your life (and acceptance of queer identity) and feel the same way!!! im so grateful for this show and everything it represents. in a world without Steven Universe my current life would be completely unrecognizable. like genuinely I dont think any single aspect of my life would be the way it is without SU. which is nuts but it's true!!!

I love engaging with this community and it gave me a lot of support when I was at a place in my life where I felt pretty isolated. I'm kind of rambling now too but this seriously has been sitting in my inbox for a bit now and I just knew i needed to respond and say thank you for sharing. <3

ALSO LMAO I FORGOT ABT THE RAW AND MASCULINE COMMENT THANK YOU FOR REMINDING ME HAHA

[moni-logues]

Oooh, your requests are open! Any rules or prompt list? If there are none, please may I request the following?

You, as BTS Jungkook's Noona. You have a loving sibling relationship, the kind where parents would love for their children to have with each other. The only complaint you have is that he sometimes acts like the older brother, which can be a little claustrophobic when it happens (e.g. chaperoning you on your date when you were teenagers, having a word with your boss when you were overlooked for a well-deserved promotion, etc). Especially when you were a strong (emotionally and mentally, at least) woman, and totally able to f9ght your own battles. Aside from his BTS members, he's good friends with Bang Chan and Minho from SKZ. Given his overprotective tendency, how does he react when he find out that some of his members + Chan and Minho have feelings for you?

Thank you, and please let me know if you have any questions or concerns?

ok so this is like, the very lite version of what you've asked for lmao because I wanted to keep it brief and it could so easily have got out of hand

I don't even really know what to categorise this as.

It's Jungkook's older sister x (potentially) Chan or Minho. It's three men being idiots. It has the tiniest bit of cheek. It is... what it is lol

Word count: 640

Content: none to warn for

Three Men and a Lady

“Hold on,” Jungkook said firmly, his hands up in front of him. “You both like her?” 

“Yes,” Chan and Minho answered.  

“And I’m supposed to decide which one of you gets to ask her out?” 

“No,” Chan replied emphatically. “You have to tell us which one of us she likes more.” 

“I don’t think she likes either of you.” 

Chan and Minho exchanged a confused look.  

“Neither of us?” 

“Why would she like you?”  

They looked at each other again, somewhat at a loss for words. They hung out all the time with Jungkook, and that meant, a lot of the time, with his sister, too; they all had fun together. She must like them at least a little. Surely? 

“Why wouldn’t she?” Minho asked.  

Jungkook stared at the two of them. Yes, they were his friends. He liked them. They were good guys. Good enough for his sister? That was where his conviction wobbled. No one was good enough for his sister.  

He sat back against the sofa and considered it. She could certainly do worse. She had, in fact, already done worse. If she dated one of his best friends, he could probably far more easily keep an eye on things than if it were some other random guy. Chan and Minho were giving him a choice, too. He got to make the decision. He liked that because his sister quite clearly couldn’t make a good decision on her own. But he would have to approach it carefully; both men were competitive and he didn’t want this to ruin their friendship. 

On the other hand, both men were competitive, and that could be a lot of fun. 

“Ok.,” he said, sitting forward again, clapping his hands together. “Let’s do it like this. A competition.” 

Both suitors pulled a face.  

“JK, that sounds weird.”  

“What is this, like 1700 or something? We’re not competing. We’re not trying to impress you.” 

“You should be if you want me to pick you!” 

“You’re not picking us! SHE is. We’re just asking if you know what HER pick is!” 

“And you clearly don’t,” Minho accused, with a roll of his eyes. 

“Woah woah woah...” JK’s hands were up in defence once more. “Let’s just calm down-” 

“Why are we calming down?”  

All three male heads turned to see the woman in question exit from her bedroom. They froze, like deer in headlights.  

“Uh,” Chan began, not sure where he was going after that.  

“Well, it’s-... Uh,” Jungkook stammered.  

“Jungkook is wilfully misunderstanding us,” Minho explained without really explaining.  

“Sounds about right,” she scoffed affectionately.  

“Oi!” 

“You know it’s true.” 

She continued on into the kitchen area of the living space, very much still within earshot, so the guys stayed quiet, trying to make non-awkward conversation with her as she prepared a sandwich and made a coffee.  

None of them had realised she was in. She was supposed to be out—at a gym session or class or something—that was why the conversation was taking place there. Jungkook was supposed to have made sure she was out.  

They were figuratively holding their breath, unsure what she might have heard. Chan and Minho knew she would be furious. She was frequently furious with Jungkook and his over-protectiveness. His possessiveness. She was his sister. His older sister, at that, and took great exception to the way Jungkook acted as her keeper and protector. If she found out Chan and Minho had gone to him first, well, neither of them would ever get to date her. Or probably even speak to her ever again.  

“It’s Chan, by the way,” she said as she took her plate and mug back to her bedroom. 

“What?” 

She paused in the doorway. 

“Chan. He’s the one I like. Sorry, Minho.” 

Then she winked and shut the door behind her.  

[sp0o0kylights]

hey its me from the "wheres the adopt a jock update, im dying" thing. im so sorry for it. i had know idea there even was a storm and it is 100% not ur job to keep us updated bc ur doing us favour by uploading content, im sorry i took that for granted.

im also sorry this apology came late, i felt to chicken to write one innitially, i dont know if i did end up sending u one, but ur reaction to my ask came up in my feed again and i really wanted to apologise once more.

I'm so sorry for those you lost in this horrid storm and I'm so proud of u for pushing through, everyone is and I hope u know that.

I know this apology doesn't make up for anything but I just wanted u to know that I took in what u responded, u were well in ur right to be pissed off, and I now know for future to type my messages in a kinder way so they don't get taken as a ride remark, I hope u know I didn't type what I said to be rude, not that it matters in anyway.

we're all looking out for u and wish u all the best, have a great day

It's all good fam--I honestly had a few of these messages between here and A03, some a lot ruder that yours, and yours just happened to be the first one I saw when I managed to get a few hours with proper access to Tumblr (Ie not on the craptastic app on my phone, which refuses to let me answer asks and crashes when I try lol.)

Thank you for apologizing, it does mean a lot, and it takes a lot of courage to do it.

It's a weird lesson to learn sometimes, that people who don't know you as well won't always know you're joking/your sense of humor, or may not mentally be in a space to fully comprehend it as a light prod instead of a "hey dude where's my content."

I think it's also a good reminder that fandom is a community first. I know there's a lot of discussion centered around how we're sliding into a more content mill like vibe vs that community, and that a lot of us are getting impacted by it a bit--I'll be the first to say I was more touchy even before the trees because I've had a lot more weird, demanding comments lately than I ever used to get. Not just in ST either--I'm seeing it on my older fics, in fandoms that are significantly smaller and typically very drama-less. While my policy normally is to delete and ignore, sometimes it builds (and then two trees almost kill you by collapsing your house and you start biting heads off after being stuck in a hotel with your family for two weeks.)

Anyway, thank you sincerely, for apologizing. It did not go unnoticed <3

[imminent-danger-came]

Yeah, David Breen had to write a tweet when the fan translated version of the Mandarin version of LMK came out. People were freaking out about Wukong being a deadbeat dad and debating on whether it was a d*ck move or Wukong recognizing that he had sh*t mental health and was not in the proper head space to take care of baby MK.

Also that memory? That was a vision MK had in Episode 3. He was helping Tripitaka with magic circle stuff, the vision broke in and interrupted the ritual, and all hell broke loose. It isn't an actual flashback to his childhood.

Thank you to the person who shared the screenshot in my notes! You're a real one. I'll put it here for easy reference:

First, I wanted to clear up that I didn't mean my questions in a "this is why it can't be true" way—cause it is true—but in a "these are the questions I have!" sort of way. I think that's how one person interpreted it and I'm like OH NO. MY QUESTIONS MEAN I'M INTRIGUED/WANT TO KNOW MORE I SWEAR.

Next, the visions in 4x03, 4x04, and 4x05 are different than what I think is a memory:

(4x03 The Great Tang Man) (Sending the curse one because like. what the fuck. what the fuck!)

-

(4x04 Pig Napped)

-

(4x05 Court of the Yellow Robbed Demon)

-

These are the visions of Sun Wukong trying to find MK in the scroll. They're different from what Subodhi presses MK to remember ("Tell me of your childhood, your parents." "You do not remember?" "And what else?"):

See the difference?

Every vision MK has includes the same scenes, except this one. That's why I think it's a memory; that and the way it's framed, with MK closing his eyes in focus. The other visions from 4x03, 4x04, and 4x05 all are unprompted, being forced upon MK. Why make this last "vision" so different from the others? Why show Guan Yin (?) making the stone monkey? That would be because it's a memory—be it MK's, something from the scroll, or a mix of both.

Monkey King not being MK's dad doesn't equate to him not being involved—MK being born from the stone means that he doesn't have any biological parents, it's a weird grey area. I also just can't imagine that Guan Yin (if it was her) made MK on top of flower fruit mountain and that Monkey King was none the wiser (edit: lol it was NOT on top of flower fruit mountain. Anyways, carry on!). I also don't know what other reason Sun Wukong would choose MK to be his "successor".

"Monkey King was ripping his way through memories looking for MK, but kept coming back to the stone. He doesn't know why."

I'll be honest, "he doesn't know why" is SUPER vague (which is good, can't have a writer spoiling the whole show on twitter lol). So, Monkey King doesn't know why he kept going back to the stone...what does that mean exactly? It's vague and up in the air, and it's phrased in such a specific way that I can't help but feel like Breen is being purposely misleading.

Either way, I don't really see the problem with Sun Wukong being a dead beat dad. Like he's not MK's dad, but if he were I don't understand what the issue with that is. Sun Wukong is an interesting character, he means well but he can also hurt others through the distance he builds around himself. In 3x05 Amnesia Rules he literally says "Can you imagine what I would be like if I didn't have friend's? I'd probably turn into a manipulative jerk!" Well, currently all of his past friend's are dead and he is a manipulative jerk. And I love him.

Sun Wukong is nuanced. He doesn't make the right choice all the time. The way he treated the main gang in s3 was fucking shitty ("how could you lead us into this fight without a real plan!?"). But he also doesn't intend to hurt people. He always has his own reasons. And, when he finally realizes the pain he's caused, he tries to make amends and put himself on the line. People "freaking out" about Wukong being a "dick" (which he kinda has been this whole time, he's a little shit and I love him) just reeks of purity culture.

AND THE FUNNY THING IS, WUKONG SPEAKS DIRECTLY AGAINST THAT:

“Point is, mistakes happen, but so long as you leave the world in better shape than you found it, then it’s all good. Right?” (4x01 Familiar Tales)

Wukong makes so many mistakes all the time. I don't know why in this instance it would be one step too far.

There's also just so much we don't know. We don't really know anything about MK's origins, or why he was created, or who created him, or what everyone knows/doesn't know. But I will say, whatever it is I'm excited for it!

[chickpea0]

Going to be real for a sec, just thinking outloud because I know this is a safe place and I need to get thoughts out. Veeerry long! Not a vent just a brain dump. do not bother reading this unless youre really reallyyy into biographies lol this is literally 1,915 words

I'm stuck inbetween minds at the moment. I keep asking myself if regression, or dreaming, isn't really for me. I found agere and petre when I was very young, about 14; it piqued my interest because I'm a very curious person, interested in different lifestyles and ways to explore the self but I also think that because I was just coming out of childhood even though I thought my childhood had ended years before. I was just growing out of being a tween and at that stage in life, it's really startling going from childhood to seemingly adulthood overnight and it's quite natural and common for people to want to cling onto things when everything is being shaken up like that.

Intamacy with people, vulnerability and emotional closeness is always somethign I've struggled with and felt like it was just out of reach so the idea of allowing myself to be back at a stage where I was raw, authentic and less closed up was really really appealing. Plus, the idea of people understanding that and guiding me and just being around me would mean they *really* like me and they're not just there because they have to be, even though I've never had a caregiver though I have had like 2 online friendships where I could be baby around them which felt quite good but I never quite felt satisfied. probably because it was online and neither laster over 3 months. I'm practically always masking and the idea of being weird (I mean this without negative connotation) and expressive really sounded amazing. I have also always always always wanted to be apart of a community but I just never have. No clubs or hobbies that made me feel welcome growing up, no proper friend groups that made made me feel at home, I think I've been in a lot of fandom/online community spaces just because I wanted to feel apart of something though because I was never able to contribute it just felt like a one-way mirror.

So!! I find a lovely community like this! With a focus on mental health, togetherness, working through things and taking time to appriciate things, it's great! I love you guys! I can even make moodboards and little posts and I have a cg blog and a slightly bigger blog where I help boost creators on here. I have mutuals!!!!! People follow me!!! We talk on tags and comments!!! I feel like I have insider knowledge and experience because I've had a lot of oppertuinty to reflect on life and mental health and even on regression itself. But thing is I do not regress often at all. When I do it's for split seconds. When I'm really sleepy, when I'm allowing myself to be vulnerable, if I'm having a weird spacey day. I'm not sure if it's more dissociation or a sudden wave of emotion or what. I think I'm just generally an immature person some times. I haven't grown up yet, I'm only an adolescent. It's not something I want to force because forcing things like this, especially if it is dissociation, can be pretty bad for your brain. Age dreaming is a different thing though.

For me I'm between a rock and a hardplace. I do not feel like I regress organically enough to be on here nearly as much as I am. I'm so tense that I feel like I can't relax or open up enough to enjoy even age dreaming. Brainfog, sure! But it's not regression. I also do not want to edge too far and go into maladaptive nostalgia terratory. I feel, lately, like I kind of need to say goodbye and thank you to my childhood but it's over now and that doesn't have to be a bad thing. I think there's such a focus- everywhere online not just here- on "how good" the old days were. People making heart wrenching nostalgia edits with slowed minecraft music and ambient noise just to rake in veiws and to pull at your own heartstrings. It's natural to seek solace and yearn for something that was so familiar and safe especially at a time where not only is daily life changing for the individual but also for society at large. But rose tinted glasses are not accurate and can be dangerous. Nostalgia should be something that makes you feel light and refreshed. When you hear a song that you haven't heard in years and go 'oh! I remeber! I remember what my brain was like back then' and smile and move on. Maybe taking inspiration from it.

But.

I feel like my nervous system is so fried that making any progess is really draining and proper healthy coping mechanisms never seem to stick. I also feel very isolated, having no irl friends at the moment and not having any purpose like education, work, volonteering, passions, whatever. These are all things I have experienced for well over a decade which is... obviously a very large chunk of my life so far. So I really do need something to fill my life with, a familer space with familiar ideals and stuff. You guys are great. You have such refreshing takes and it just feels so calm and kind here. At the end of the day despite feeling a bit repetative at this point for me, I do enjoy looking at life through this lense. This place has not changed much at all since I started my blog in 2021. It's honestly one of the most consistant things in my day to day life! God. even the streets are changing but it's nice to know I can log on here if I need some reliability.

And thing is, I don't know if it's related to my ASD or my trauma or lack of experience in the world or none of those but I just feel a few steps behind my peers. They are all acting on their life plans or getting out and being social or enjoying new relationships. And I'm perfectly fine taking things at my own pace and growing in my own way but I just don't fit in really. I genuinely feel like I'll hit my stride in my mid twenties or older. Not because I'll have more qualifications or be high up in a career, I just feel like that is when I'll really start knowing and feeling like myself. That's the age when people generally start to figure things out. Basically, I like it here because I feel like I'm in a more similar life state. my focus is on getting through the day and making my own steps. I'm fine as long as I'm growing even if I'm burnt out lmao. Healing for over a decade drains you and I feel like my mental capacity is so small at the moment because of it. Like. I can't pick up a book or a new hobby or a job whatever because ALL of my bodily, mental, spiritual, emotional energies are going into mending and stuff. I feel like a 29 year old preschooler lol. 5 o'clock shadow and a sippy cup. haha. I like it here because it's like easy mode. it's like a holiday for your brain.

I'm honestly not sure what the point I started off with was. I have sooo many thoughts swirling in my head. At the end of the day I feel so burnt out and like I said, with such a small bandwidth that I feel like even regressing or dreaming or even just thinking about it is too much. Like. I used to cope and regulate by imagining scenarios in my head, like fanfics in my brain when I needed a little comfort but now I just can't! I can't imagine myself with a dream job or in a fantasy world or kissing someone cute, I just don't have it in me. It's not like I'm super low or anything, I'm actually generally pretty stable at the moment. I think what I want right now is to not feel alone. I don't want a relationship per se, not sure if it'd be fair to start something with someone but having a nice social circle would be a big relief. I can't remember ever really... having that. I guess I'm esoteric, with a full plate. I had a nice group of friends in college for about 2 years but thats dead now, we got on each others nerves at the end. But it was nice while it lasted. Imaging having a caregiver or being one is one of the only ways I can barely scratch that itch of wanting to rely on someone. Like. It's so deep at the moment, wanting comfort and all that, that "normal" soloutions to that just don't hit hard enough. Like I could imagine having a really nice friend group but irl I would need to be in a healthy friendship for quite a while before it started fulfilling that need, so imagining someone coddling me like I am a child, like I am something to be cherished, not just valued but cherished, that hits harder. thats nicer to think about. also also also co regulation + company is something i really desire.

I feel like I am so entwined with this community, more than anything else these days. It's sort of got a grip on me. and i dont know how i feel about that. none of you guys know me. i have mutuals, nice mutuals and people who are in my notes but none of you actually know me. i think maybe this place is more of a fantasy than a reality for me. and that tells me i need to distance myself but what else do i have?

I've tried taking a break before, you might remember, it only ended up being a few months but it was nice to come back.

right thats basically it. I assume if you've made it this far, seeing as I'm not even writing to anyone I'm just emptying my brain, I assume you're a very curious person. Someone who likes to feel involved. Like meeee. If anyone has any advice or sage wisdom or anything you want to say at all, please go ahead. This post is basically a bunch of thoughts with little resolve. This isn't really something I want to bring up with my therapist because onneee, I'm embarrassed, twwwooo she has most likely no idea of what age regression this, in this context. like. the age regression they talk about in regard to mental and psychological contexts, its pretty different to all this. anyway. i have other things in therapy to talk about lol maybe one day ill bring up that i feel like a small child in certain situations but let her lead that conversation. ah so.

yeah like. yeah. hi. if this resonates, im glad you found that. yeah. yeahhh i dont know. i have a lot of stuff going on. nothing in my life is straight forward. hence the... want to simplify things. I'm really tired now, wow!

to conclude, I'm a baby not necessarily a regessor. I'm running on fumes. i have a weird relationship with agere and im very hot and cold about it. goo goo ga ga but also i want to be respected and seen as a capable adult. i need a hobby. i need to rest but blehhhhh.

Here's a puppy as a treat for reading it all

[teethflavoured]

hi, i just wanted to make a post reflecting on my artistic journey through the past year or so, I'm going to put it under a cut because idk this may be boring/uninteresting. if you decide to read, thank you for listening. anyway, here's art from October 2022, and art from May 2023

very funny to see.

however here's a bit of insight into my very drastic style change below the cut

so like, haha funny aside right.

i used to use alot of pastels, draw cutesy stuff, and very 'safe' content. i didn't want to do this stuff, not in that amount anyway, so i'd purposely water down and sanitize my work just for the wider approval of an audience. which is crazy, if you look back at my old work it looks nothing like something id draw. especially if you know me personally or talk to me even a little bit lmfao. my art has always been very grungy especially from when i was 13-15, then i decided that wasn't going to get me the attention i wanted (i really liked attention back then, not so much anymore LOL)

every once in a while id draw something 'shocking' or creepy but id, once again, hold myself back in fear i'd "alienate my audience" so id never be able to match what i wanted to do or let my full potential run free.

it's very unfortunate how much a struggled with my mental and physical health at the time because art and fandom spaces upset me so much. 'you don't draw this right!' or 'if you draw x like this you're stupid and wrong' to put it in a slightly more goofy and less antagonistic way. it made me fucking hate drawing so much, that id draw something and be immediately scrutinized. thank god now i purposely avoid fandom space/discussion and consume fandom content through very *filtered* ways, it has done wonders for my mental well-being.

but its really a shame how all that stress and anguish with my art almost tarnished one of my fav pieces of animated media of all time. slowly but sure i want to draw it more and do more of what i want to do.

to end this off, thank you to everyone who supports me and my weird art no matter what i do. i do notice people who stick around and im very grateful for everyone, if you're a new or old follower, thank you for being here.

[beanghostprincess]

Every time I see your sanuso posts rhghhhgg I love this ship thanks for feeding me content. I just feel like I need to share my thoughts now lol

Sanji having to accept he has feelings for a *man*. In like a "oh fuck this has never happened before what the shit" way cause he's scared and doesn't know what to do and doesn't want to fuck up and it's really hard to accept these feelings for him and just as a part of him.

Also just him spacing out to think "why him of all people" cause Usopp is really just a silly little guy a small silly guy he is so silly and simple AND YET...

While Usopp struggles with his self-image and accepting himself as well. It's not Water 7 bad. But it's there. He's trying his best to become stronger. But he can't help thinking about all the times he might have caused trouble for the crew. And he brushes them off with jokes or excuses. Or if he's genuinely at fault he apologizes. But the feelings are still there. Bottling up.

Sanji somehow figures out, whether just by looking at the sniper who's in a bad mood or by overhearing his drunk/half-asleep thoughts and goes "nuh-uh" and showers him with nice words and maybe a snack to cheer him up and oh my god he is so terrible because it's so hard for him to say "I love you" because it sounds weird and he doesn't want to sound romantic because he's still in denial and tries his best to avoid anything that may be interpreted as anything but platonic which leaves him with lack of much needed words.

And then Usopp notices Sanji's struggle to speak and lets go of his sadness to make fun of the cook (kinda) for his approach and then just easily tell him "Love you too" and give him a big hug and just stay like this for a while. And Sanji being a completely touch starved loser he is just has to prevent himself from hugging Usopp tighter. He doesn't care if sniper takes it the wrong way, he's just genuinely worried he will crush him if he does he knows he might.

And also the fear of telling Usopp when Sanji eventually does come into terms he's in love. Like that's gotta be the most nerve-wracking experience at the time.

Everything goes well tho they hug and hold hands and smooch and do boyfriends stuff and then the crew found One Piece and Luffy became king of pirates and everyone made their dreams come true and everything was good the end.

sanji is just like me fr repressed bitch i love him so much so much so much-

this is so sweet and it captures their characters perfectly!!! i'm actually such a fan of sanji's struggles with saying "i love you" despite one of his love languages being words of affirmation (i mean the first one is obviously acts of service). and also usopp struggling with his self-worth is always something that makes me cry,,,

this is exactly why water 7 is sanuso shippers' roman empire. they're literally perfect.

and i'm glad you like my posts!!! i'm mentally unwell!!! they make me ill!!!! i'm insane <3

[dimonds456]

Howdy!

I'm Dimonds456, and welcome to my garbage pile. I'm a bat who stays up way too late and cannot decide whether or not to be productive. I draw, write, animate, play/write music, and I'm also insane so watch out for that.

I'm neurodivergent, disabled, queer, white, a singlet, fictionkin, and a proud cat papa. I am a cartoon character who is way too bouncy for their own good lol.

They / he / xe!

This is my main blog, but my ADHD ass also has a bunch more.

@dimonds456-art - my art blog! Almost all art gets rbed there!

@dimonds456-but-only-hlvrai - my HLVRAI sideblog! Because yeah why not. This is one of me current hyperfixations lol it's bad

@rubberhose-roy is my sideblog used to gush about 1920's-40's aesthetics, music, culture, ect., as well as an animation blog! All my animations specifically will be reblogged there, as well as any animation rambles or gushes I do.

I have more but those are the main three.

My fandom-specific blogs are:

@dimonds456-but-only-hlvrai (again)

@hlvrai-stuck-together - HLVRAI AU I run!

@halfnautica - Half Life / Subnautica AU!

@a-second-chance-su-au - Old SU AU that has been discontinued, but the blog is still there!

@batim-rewritten - a Bendy and the Ink Machine rewrite I'm working on

@cuphead-contract-au - A Cuphead AU where Mugman makes a deal (discontinued)

And, I have my own OC story, Follychromatic! I reblog all that stuff here, but its main blog is here!

@follychromatic

To see pictures of my cat, check the #Checkers tag! :D

Okay great. Now, DNI, trigger warnings, disabilities, special interests, and more below the cut. Make sure you read at least once, k? Thanks.

Welcome to my cave!

DNI

Trigger Warnings

Do not FUCKING interact if you are:

- A proshipper

- A bigot

- An LGBTphobe / transmed / ect

- Trump supporter

- Nazi / fascist / conservative

- Weird about furries or furry art

- Weird about fandom headcanons (specifically trans woman headcanons)

I will add more if anyone wants me to, or we can come up with a custom tag, like what I do for one of my friends! (#dimond don't look)

I will tag as much as I can, and if you want me to tag something specific, let me know! But as a general blog cover, things that appear on this blog often are:

- Current events

- Talk of / discussion of sexuality (sometimes boardering on NSFW but not usually)

- Blood

- Guns

- Flashing

- Talk of proshippers (I try to be respectful but also I don't stand for them and I don't support them. I block and move on, and try to explain why proship is bad, but eh. I've only been listened to like once lol)

- Swearing / swear words

- All caps

- Bugs

- Suggestive content / NSFW (RARE DONT WORRY)

DISABILITIES

Hiiii I'm disabled! Both mentally and physically. I talk about being disabled a lot and try to generate positive talk about it. I also vent about it. I've had quite a few of these, and I also try to reblog as much about others I don't have as I can to increase awareness and understanding. So yeah! These are just the ones I have, but they are not the only ones that appear on my blog!

Hyperthyroidism

Graves Disease

Graves Eye Disease

Astigmatism

Athsma

Audio processing disorder

ADHD

Autism

Trauma / PTSD

Brain fog / disassociation / memory loss

Anxiety

Depression

Cane user

Weak / trembling limbs / trouble walking / trouble holding onto things sometimes

More to be added lol.

This is also a meds/treatment positive blog, a self-diagnosis positive blog, and my general attitude is just "if you think something is wrong you're probably right, you know yourself the best, even if you don't know what exactly is wrong." This attitude has saved my life and other people I know. You don't need a diagnosis or medication to be disabled.

THIS IS A SAFE SPACE.

If you are Jewish, black, brown, Muslim, indigenous, any religion, any race, any sexuality, any weird gender, anything at all- I love and support you. I'm still learning, and I try to learn as much as I can, but I'm not perfect. If I say something offensive or something adjacent, it was NOT on purpose. PLEASE, PLEASE tell me what I said wrong. I will make an effort to improve in the future.

I directly support:

- All races

- All religions*

- All sexualities (except pedos, y'all aren't LGBT, I'm sorry. You're actively hurting children. I've seen it again and again. Stop.)

- All genders and pronouns

- All "weird" identities outside of that as well (I'm fictionkin myself)

- Protests and protesters

- Neurodivergent people of all types (and yes, this means NPD, schizo, and all those other types that are often seen as bad or evil. I love you, I see you, and I support you.)

- DID & OSDD systems

If I have reblogged or said anything that aligns with the bottom list, that was a mistake. PLEASE let me know and I will fix it as fast as I can. You reading this right now, I love you. I hope my blog can help you feel welcomed and like you have somewhere to go if you need it. /gen

I DO NOT support:

- Antisemitism

- Genocide

- Cults (*stuff like Jehova's Witnesses. I support the members, as they are victims, but I actively dislike the people on top who perpetuate the cycle. Not just JWs, but those are the big ones who come to mind. Hearts out to all the victims, I hope everyone gets to a better place soon)

- Racism in any way, shape, or form

- Religious discrimination of any way, shape, or form

- Israel specifically

- Trump, conservatives, Nazis, ect.

- Endo systems

MY FANDOMS / INTERESTS

I HAVE ADHD AND AUTISM AND I'M MAKING THAT EVERYONE ELSE'S PROBLEM /silly

The current special interests are HLVRAI and Half Life, current hyperfixations are Half Life and Poppy Playtime.

SPECIAL INTERESTS:

- Minecraft

- HTTYD

- FNaF

- Undertale / Deltarune

- BATIM / BATDR (unfortunately)

- Subnautica

- Biology

- Steven Universe

- Cuphead

- 2D Animation

- Writing

- HLVRAI

- Half Life

theres more but my brain is an egg :/

HYPERFIXATIONS (interests but not the special ones):

- Little Nightmares

- Hello, Neighbor (unfortunately)

- Petscop

- Portal

- Freemanverse (HELP ME)

- The Amazing Digital Circus

- The Owl House

- Gravity Falls

- Monster High (very first from what I can remember! I remember nothing though! But it's there!)

- Poppy Playtime

- Half Life

- Wild Kratts (I didn't even know there WAS a fandom until very recently, hi guys)

When it comes to ✨me,✨ I have a couple of original works as well! Specifically, Follychromatic! I won't get too into it here (bc shy) but it's 2D animation, rubberhose animation, magic, character-driven, action/adventure, mystery- yeah!

Outside of fandom, though, my special interests are biology, 2D animation, and writing. I am an animator and I suffer for fun.

YOU MADE IT! Have some Checkers for your time! :)

[jinxhallows]

I searched it but couldn't find anything about it, but why are you only including 5 member for kinktober?

ayee thanks for stopping by to ask! nobody has ever asked so I never explained 😂 so I got into writing in this fandom like about a year and a half ago and had no idea what I was doing and kinda just spat some shit out (that I now absolutely hate lmfao 100 follower special, anyone? That fluff was garbage IMO)

I don’t write Felix often/at all because I can’t quite understand his personality enough to feel I can articulate him authentically in writing yet. Also he’s kind of juvenile in a way that reminds me of a younger sibling, making it tough to slut him out. I’m always so impressed by smut Felix writers. They capture him well! I know something freaky is lying under that golden exterior. But I’m working on it! I write about him in my other two full length fics but unfortunately, I don’t think my portrayal of him is very accurate at all. But I keep going because well, it’s already started lol.

I don’t write Seungmin yet because I’m still learning about him and his likes/dislikes and mannerisms and personality. He’s the one I know the least about. All I know is that folx call him a puppy. I don’t think I’ve heard him speak as much as I have in the recent chuseok specials. I know he’s a little terror though, lol, unsure of the origins of it though.

I don’t write IN for the same reasons as above, but lately, he’s been portrayed in a way that’s making me consider roping him in the future into something fun. Someone who met him in person said he seemed the most masculine and adult out of all the members! Surprise surprise! The baby bread shit was off putting. I was like, I’m not slutting out someone with the nickname “baby bread”; but my mind is changing, and fast lol.

-

Why do I write the fellas I write? Aka my “starting team”?

I’m most comfortable writing Chan, he’s closest to me in age and I watch him enough to know his mannerisms and personality. Down to little things like his obsession with space, the way he laughs through his teeth, and his lopsided smile when he’s being a dork. Chan doesn’t like coffee, so in one of my imagines, I made it a point to state the reader was making coffee for herself. If I read someone who has Chan drinking coffee I’d assume they either took creative liberty or have no idea that this man does not fuck with coffee lol. Fun fact: add “yeah?” To the end of a question/statement and it immediately rings Chan’s voice in your mind, doesn’t it? “Guess you’ve got a lot to think about then, yeah?” “How about we head on out to the bar, yeah?”Those details really can make/break someone’s immersion!

Next comes Hyunjin. Hyunjin was difficult for me to write at first, his personality is so multi faceted and not much like his stage persona at all, which is quite powerful! But the algorithm started forcing him onto me in candid situations and I began to understand his nuances too. I grasped an understanding of his micro expressions and mannerisms enough to feel confident writing him.

Third is Lino! I swore against writing Lino because he was such a mystery to me! I later found a video of him being weird and his quirky personality and deadpan affect when saying certain things. He reminds me of some of my closest friends. Sometimes, I feel like I don’t give Lino enough depth! I’m an experienced Scorpio wrangler, and I know he’s got some intense depths to that ocean that can be portrayed so much better. Working on it!

Fourth favorite is Jisung. I use Jisung for light hearted things and comic relief. I almost never write angst Jisung. I probably could, and probably will one day! But for now, I’ve only candidly seen him happy and funny, it’s sometimes hard to even write him in smut because I can’t see him taking much of anything seriously. I know he has bad anxiety and other various mental health concerns, so he’s not all rainbows and butterflies but he doesn’t seem to let folx in on that side of him often, if at all, so it’s difficult to imagine for me right now, so for him, I keep it light.

Fifth newest favorite is Changbin. Changbin is still a little confusing to me but I can at least pinpoint his manner of speech, he can be quite aggressive quite suddenly, in a playful manner. I’m still not too great on describing his mannerisms in literature, but I’ve grown comfortable enough to experiment with him for Kinktober.

-

So you see, my cool beautiful anon, it’s just a matter of time until I work my way down to the rest of the members :) at first, I swore I’d only write Chan, and then it exploded into five. I’m certain by next year’s kinktober, all eight members will be rightfully represented :)

[neopuppy]

as long as youre around this blog nctzens will have one hater lol I always reblog your stuff it's a shame it only counts as a few notes but as long as youre around and writing nct fics ill be rebloging :D

I appreciate you guys who do support my fics, but I’ve really had my ups and downs here.

the hate I get is just weird and invasive, always redundant. it does not *actually* bother me but I do find it annoying that I can block block block and someone will still go out of their way to continue to bother me instead of using their time to do something more productive.

like yes, I want to write for nct still, but no, I dont want to contribute more to the fandom that has put me through unsolicited stress here. thats why I’m taking a break, as I have before when things get too ugly on this side.

I love nct and the last thing I want is to come online to my safe corners of the internet and have my fun time invaded by a bunch of brainless idiots hate spamming me bc of fanfic they willingly chose to read. I cannot emphasize how that actually can affect your time as a fan, and I value the idols way more than my silly smut account.

I’m here and not here, and maybe I’ll be posting fics again, maybe I won’t. I need to mentally check out from this space for the time being tho. thank you for the support💚

[decamarks]

Have you ever thought of making an actual game? Even a little one?? Your 'Atom Amulet' art and gif look soooo good they legit fooled me for a bit when I first looked at them into thinking they were from a real game! Your enjoyment and respect for glitches and games as a medium is really neat, and tbh I'm super curious what you'd make! As someone who actually played a few weird old PS1 and computer games as a kid, sooo many attempts at 'retro low-poly style' games I see always break my immersion when I can see like.. too much anti-aliasing, too many things rendered in real time instead of prerendered (not extremely subtle stuff like raytracing or font choice, which gave away Petscop to a few incredibly observant people lol), etc.. part of the charm of old 3D games is devs clearly trying extremely hard to work with limitations of disc space and RAM! No one's cutting corners! Also the design for Atom Amulet's character is the kind I've been wanting to see SO badly in modern-retro games.. no one ever goes for 'rounded little creature guy who looks a little wonky' designs like you see in Creatures or SHEEP because they think it's too ugly! But it looks COOL! And that's part of why it really seemed like an actual old game to me at first.. I like your blog and art, your passion for games and glitches is really inspiring! Nice job on the animation and 3D art!

AHHHHH THANK YOU SO MUCH ANON ;__; This made me really happy to read... Trust me, I have daydreamed extensively about the kind of games I'd like to make, so I've definitely got ideas for stuff like that. Animation and 3D art in general is my main focus right now though, since I've got a lot I want to create, and still a LOT to learn as well, LOL. I would probably be most interested in making a game with a small team or creative partner, since even small games can be incredibly taxing to create and I'd prefer not to mentally and/or physically implode. (My main problem is mostly finding those people... I'm not good at initiating this kind of thing.)

Anyway, I absolutely agree on being kinda disinterested in a lot of 'retro low-poly' aesthetics, just because they feel too divorced from the actual technology that gave the style a reason to exist in the first place. That's not to say at all I think this style should exist in a chronological vacuum, or that it shouldn't be iterated upon with modern technology, but that it just looks too clean too often, too streamlined! I don't want that! I want WONKINESS!!!

I don't think it's necessarily a fear of this sort of 'ugliness', or at least not always—it's more so that this wonkiness can be sometimes hard to achieve at all. Like. Hold on. I could write stupid poetical paragraphs about this concept, but I think this post sums it up 10,000 times better than I ever could.

The primary function of a comic is to tell a story that is best shown through the format of sequential images. So you might expect that anything made for a primarily visual medium must look 'good' to be effective, right? But it doesn't; MS Paint's ugly palettes and pixelated pens only serve to amplify the expressiveness in this image. It looks silly and simplistic, and that's exactly why it works. Whether this was intended by the artist is irrelevant. It's effective not despite its strange, subtle stiltedness, but because of it.

It reminds me of this post about animation by PilotRedSun, which I think about a lot:

I’ve learned a bit of animation fundamentals, branched out to other styles . . . but I still adhere to the rule that every animation on my channel should have a dysfunctional aspect to it. When an animation contains an error, it distracts the viewer. Thus when an animation is composed of errors, it mesmerizes the viewer.

Video games are interesting to compare to comics and animation in this sense, because most games are made simply to be played. Despite being a visual medium, it isn't necessarily expected to look good; it just has to function as an interactive experience. This emphasis on functionality, created through technological limitations of the time, is exactly what originated low-poly and pixelated styles. Older video game art didn't need to be particularly beautiful, just purposeful. You take a concept, put it on the screen, and continue stripping away pixels and polygons until only its most minimal existence remains, because if you don't, you won't be able to fit it within your meager 64 MB cartridge capacity. It looks wonky, and may not really resemble the initial concept as you saw it anymore... but it works.

That's not to say huge, high-res canvases of pixel art and raytracing on low-poly renders can't be uniquely beautiful as well—I think the ways these styles are innovated with modern technology is just as intriguing. The fundamental aspects of these styles will always be worth exploring, because at their core, they're about conveying things in unconventional ways. Simplicity makes it stilted and strange, and 'ugliness' is what makes it so evocative.

But like I said, I don't think it's a matter of intentionally avoiding these more subtle sorts of strangeness. It's just that harnessing and embracing it to its full extent is very hard. Particularly because modern technology often just... lacks limits. You can do practically anything with it, and that's the problem. If you have a decent GPU and the capacity to follow basic instructions, you can make a simple yet frighteningly hyper-realistic 3D scene in mere minutes, the kind that older video game developers could have only dreamed of. And technologically, it's impressive, but that's it. There are no corners cut, no concepts compressed, and nothing your computer can't handle for you. As soon as the realistic refractions and flashy lights fade, you realize it's all a little empty beyond the subdivision surfaces.

It's easy to get lost in a world without limitations, because empty canvases are just as freeing as they are intimidating. Making beautiful things because you can is obviously fun, and often impressive, but it gets boring. Sometimes I simply want to see things breaking at their seams, stripped down to the point of struggling to exist at all, and working—and being not just beautiful because of it, but fundamentally fascinating.

[ourstaturestouchtheskies]

charlotte!! congrats on your milestone 💚 i would love Vigée Le Brun, mostly because i am always looking for new artists that exude the kind of ~feelings~ i like from art

i love dark and atmospheric works, my favourite artists are francisco goya, jamie (and andrew) wyeth, edward hopper, paul klee, van gogh, and théodore géricault (specifically his anatomical studies on corpses and his work with the mentally ill), and dragan bibin

it has only also just now occurred to me we haven't talked about art lol 💚

visit the art gallery

ahhhh finnie!! thank you so much for the request! you are the first visitor to the gallery and I'm so excited!!!!! 🥰🥰

dark and atmospheric art also holds an incredibly special place in my heart, and all the artists you've listed are so wonderful! I hope I can suggest something that gives you the same vibes 💙

here's a list of artists I think you might like (with more details and images below the cut!)

John Atkinson Grimshaw

Leonora Carrington

Odilon Redon

William Blake

John Atkinson Grimshaw (Thro' the Woods and Roundhay Park Lake)

I picked Grimshaw for you because he has these lovely, haunting nighttime landscapes that are both beautiful and unsettling. the darkened trees and lingering mist seem to engulf the small, featureless figures as they traverse deeper into the darkness. these are two of my favorite examples, but he has many others in this genre as well!

Leonora Carrington (The Ancestor and Self-Portrait in Orthopedic Black Tie)

on the more abstract/surrealist side, I picked Carrington. she is such a compelling yet very under-studied artist who painted in a surrealist style for most of her career. for me, surrealism is often an "I love it or I hate it" kind of thing, and I love Carrington's work. her pieces really give off that dark vibe that is kind of creepy and slightly off-putting, yet also make you want to lean in closer and figure out the story behind the images. there's that element of both horror and fascination, which is why I think you might like her art.

Odilon Redon (The Eye, Like a Strange Balloon, Moves Toward Infinity and Mystery

Odilon Redon was actually quite heavily inspired by Goya, so he seems like a great fit for you! just like Goya, he was a prolific printmaker as well as a painter, and he produced tributes to other artists like Goya and even writers like Edgar Allan Poe (the first image here comes from his tribute to Poe). he was a symbolist artist, and his art is just really fucking weird (affectionate). there's darkness, there's horror, there's weird uses of color, there's strange, indistinct spaces, featureless figures, and just this sort of nebulous floaty-ness to many of his works. not only do I think you'll like him because he was inspired by Goya, but also because of this kind of whimsy and weirdness he mixes with horror elements.

William Blake (Ancient of Days and Hekate)

although he is much better known as a poet today (he's the "tiger tiger burning bright" guy), Blake was also an artist and illustrated his own poems as well as other works such as Dante's Inferno. his work feels almost symbolist, but about 100 years earlier. he was close to being a contemporary of Goya, and I think you can definitely see some resemblances in his art. at the time, his work was considered the product of "madness" and "visions," and it certainly has an eerie, otherworldly quality to it. kinda like Redon, some of it is just plain weird. I picked Blake both because of his resonances with Goya, but also the strange, mystical, and terrifying worlds he creates in his art.

I hope this was interesting/fun/helpful and that you found a new artist or artwork to explore further!

again, thank you so much for the request! 🥰

love and hugs,

charlotte 💙

[sweetartagiia]

hi risuu doing my weekly stalking, as one does 🫢 how are you? i saw u posted about the lack of engagement on tumblr abt silly little things like personal stuff, and how discouraging that can be :c

yeahhh. i get you. except i'm a pretty small blog so i've never had high expectations and i've always found that freeing!! but. i do clam up bc there are many times i want to just chat about mundane things or other things im interested in but refrain from doing so bc it feels silly getting no interactions. eh. the worst part is feeling like ur just clogging the timeline. feelsbad. i push on and definitely still like all my flop posts (lol). my blog is for me, after all. anyways it's a tricky balance trying to find that coveted sense of community on tumblr dot com bc there are cool ppl on here i want to interact with and become internet friends with!! but i don't want to come off too eager yknoww... it's a weird dichotomy. i simultaneously feel absolutely no shame & a little shame on here. (not with u tho mi amor <3)

ok thats enough of the gloomy stuff! i hope u have a wonderful vacation with 0 worries kurisu bye bye mwah 😽

my mushy mush hi ! thank u sm for sending this, i totally understand what you feel so im giving big hugs to you, since i know the feeling is icky at times!

i am doing okay, i have been weening off being on here bc it’s better for my mental health imo. i just like supporting ppls works and leaving comments still even if i don’t get much interactions.

i think it is a good mindset to have low expectations, and that’s how i’ve been trying to shift my mindset recently. i don’t want to seem transactional to ppl, i guess im just overly sensitive and analyze things too much (cursing my virgo moon LMAO).

i also fear coming off too eager but but it is always so nice to talk to lovely ppl such as yourself who understand and are so kind and reassuring. like you said, our blogs are for us and meant to be a safe space ! it is good to remember that :> 💗