#that but those different forms of being you are the alters that merged together?

[thethingything]

hmm I could work on art, or I could play video games, or I could work on trying to process whatever the fuck our brain did earlier (merging), and that last one is probably the sensible options but I still feel really weird and I'm not sure I'm up for diving into some potentially messy emotional stuff

[aliensinatrenchcoat]

when spirituality and DID intersect

Okay so this is probably going to be kind of rambly. But. It's frustrating being a DID system with spiritual beliefs about our plurality.

My system has gone through a lot of different communities, and the CDD only ones are useful for mitigating system issues, and learning more about the disorder, but we've been told before that it's not right for us to view ourselves as being separate beings, or as having past lives, and that those ideas were anti recovery.

On the flipside, in endo/spiritual majority spaces, we've been given all kinds of harmful advice, such as to try to kill or banish problematic alters, that energetic shielding would prevent alters from forming or being discovered, and that our system's issues were caused by telepathic influences rather than trauma, just to name a few things.

So. How do we reconcile some of us seeing ourselves as separate entities with separate souls with having DID, a disorder that's caused by trauma causing someone to not develop an integrated personality? Well, we feel that what happened here is trauma causing more souls to be attracted to this body. Typically in the form of someone having called someone else to protect them. And having those other people take traumatic memories for them. You know, how DID works. I don't really care if someone believes this isn't possible, or is a delusion, because if it is, it doesn't seem to be a delusion that harms us so why should it matter?

Anyway, we've had some experiences that from our perspective appeared to involve system members leaving the system. Again, we don't really care if people believe this is objectively possible or impossible, because it's what we experienced. On a psychological level, a lot of the time, the 'leaving' has to do with processing trauma and usually involves the system member 'handing' the memories either to the body as a whole, or to a specific alter. Sometimes system members who 'left' return too, and on a psychological level, integrated alters re splitting isn't unheard of, or it could've been dormancy.

As for the idea of an original... well. Obviously, the personality that would have formed here if we didn't experience trauma doesn't exist, so in that sense we never had one. But we did have an alter who believed himself to have been born into this body, who's since merged with several of the other previous hosts of the system. They believed that they originally had separate souls, but that enough shared experiences sorta braided their souls together. They unfuse and then fuse again from time to time. I've seen things like that described as impossible for DID systems, but it happens here. Them being merged is definitely a choice, and they don't really feel that it means they're 'more whole' then when they're separate and working together, it's just something different.

We don't really view the body we're controlling as something that's *us* per se. We tend to view it more as a shared belonging. Dysphoria is another part of it, since the body we have is afab but the majority of us are male (though we are transitioning physically as well). We also don't really like being viewed as parts, because we don't feel like we're parts of a person. Obviously (almost) all of us understand that without trauma, there would most likely be only one entity here, but that person doesn't exist, and never will. We understand how we're connected, and that most of the time alters causing problems is because of trauma that we experienced rather than being possessed or anything like that. And we understand that it's important for all alters to be able to access all of the memories, and for us to understand what shaped each of us and work on healing together.

We have had some phases, typically when alters were being newly discovered, or alters that had been suppressed returned, where an alter would view another as a parasite, or having taken over their life, or would use an alter who was holding feelings like self harm urges as a scapegoat and not try to actually help them, and we understand how that's unhealthy and have been working a lot on communication and understanding of trauma within the system. And we don't think our spiritual beliefs interfere with that at all.

Just wanted to share this since we haven't written all this out before. This isn't meant as an attack on systems who view themselves as parts of a whole, or on endogenic spiritual systems. Not too discoursey so I don't feel like this needs a syscourse tag? But lmk if you think otherwise and I can add it.

-Dagger ⚔

[sonicasura]

SonicAsura's Doodles #73

Leon still questions how one mission could have gotten so insane. That he would end up getting infected and said parasite responsible transforming into something no one could have foreseen. Yet here Leon Scott Kennedy stood, all eight eyes set on one simple objective. DESTROY SADDLER.

Here he is. Plagas!Leon War mode in all his buggy glory. Part of his inspiration came from a very different game series I grew up with, Spectrobes. The muse in question being the Evolved Flash Element Naguzoro. You can consider him the OG Guzzlord or Proximamon as he existed since 2007.

The lower half of his body holds the Plagas parasite itself, completely altered and consumed. Hence why Leon's green chitin like caparace is more prominent in the design than the yellowish green of the parasite, HE is in control. Not the Plagas nor Saddler.

Both heads think independently but have to work together in controlling the body if Leon doesn't want to be an absolute clutz and huge liability on the battlefield. Now the strangely big segments of his carapace aren't for show. Plagas!Leon's body is actually compressed hence the plates not matching in size.

It's meant to protect the less durable flesh but also hides insect wings. These hidden wings are like a bumblebee's, small compared to Leon's huge body. Only function they serve is to slow down his descent as his caparace won't protect him from huge falls. Any time Leon needs to stretch out his body is either for carrying more things/people, sneak attacks or travelling very rough terrain.

Size wise, when compressed Leon's 25' long from toe to tail and 12'6 tall. Not compressed his size is 32' and 22'3 tall as his Plagas legs are also compacted. His insect like legs are very strong so they can support his weight without the prehensile front paws. The bones in the paws are folded and the flesh is like putty so they stretch into thin gangly limbs when extended.

The man is often mistaken for a dragon or dragon rider since the folded scythe like limbs on his back resemble wings at an angle. Yeah, those strange shoulder spikes are actually claws to his Plagas limbs. Think of them like Devil Trigger Nero's wing claws in how they function.

I'll be drawing some reference art for when I begin working on his Plagas!Leon's Hybrid form. Here's the link to his behavior for anyone who has missed it. Between Luis and Ashley, the former took the appearance of this form a bit better. Mainly cause he wasn't present to see Leon transform into War mode for the first time.

Ashley nearly fainted as it ain't a pretty sight especially since the transition began in Disguise mode. You know the chest burster scene from Alien? Imagine that but the Xenomorph kept growing as the host messily merges with it in the process.

Leon going from Hybrid to War is less mortifying than when he looks like a normal human. Luis was immediately documenting every detail he could. Even asking the agent to shift into War from both his other modes.

(Luis will always live if I write anything RE 4 related. Stab wounds like that aren't lethal. Man just passed out from blood loss and walked away after the whole Los Illuminados was over.)

The government don't find out about Leon's infected status until RE 6. He's quite good at hiding his Plagas nature. Shit just really hit the fan in RE 6 especially since his Plagas doesn't like the C Virus strain very well. It's all I'm going to say about it.

That's it for now! Until next time folks, continue to thrive in the wake of Raccoon City.

[pupbi]

Hi -may I ask about the endo thing in your dni? I didn't know what it was before I saw a post of yours and since I'm not a system or a doctor or anything I don't know what the issue is (the info I found basically just said they form on their own?) I've tried to be supportive of systems as best I could given I'm not one, so I guess technically right now I'm neutral just because I don't understand what the problem is. Obv I'll listen to a system before a rando source. (Also wanted to ask if it's ok to interact if I don't have an agere sideblog, since mine is all mixed up there's stuff that may not be suitable for small children but it's all tagged. I'm a traumagenic age regressor and anything related to that is completely sfw)

(This post contains syscourse)

Explanation is below the cut since it's a lot + I typically wouldn't bring discourse to my blog, and as long as your blog isn't primarily nsfw/kink we don't mind interaction. I want to apologize in advance if this seems "too long" or mashed together

In short, systems are the result of repetitive childhood trauma, being a system is not a normal brain thing it can't "just happen" The process of the brain forming dissociated states is a last resort decision, a child was traumatized to the point the brain could not handle it and did not think it would survive on its own.

A breakdown of Structural Dissociation & how systems form:

Structural Dissociation is the assumption that no one is born with a fully integrated personality. Instead, children operate based off of a collection of different ego states that handle their different needs- feeding, attachment to a caregiver, exploring the world around them. Over time, these separate ego states naturally integrate into one singular personality, usually by ages 6-9, this is what causes non-systems/singlets, this is the expected outcome. Systems form when childhood trauma disrupts the process and the different ego states are left unable to merge with each other due to conflicting needs, traumatic memories, or learned action paths or responses to trauma. If systems could just "spontaneously form" without trauma, this origin would be widely known from all the years of research that has been poured into DiD/OSDD. (Taken from here)

You can also read about tertiary structural dissociation (DID) here

And secondary (OSDD) here

The endogenic community itself is a cesspool of misinformation, stolen terms from RAMCOA survivors, cultural appropriation, racism, harmful stereotypes, and just in general, toxic.

Misinfo, harmful stereotypes, toxicity (This is our experience from being in endo spaces) :

Spreading the idea that you can develop a trauma-formed dissociative disorder, without having trauma. This is harmful to those who have did/osdd, as we are an already stigmatized group under the guise that we're "possessed" and have an evil alters that'll gonna murder you (thank you Split /s) if I were to start saying something like "I have (C-)PTSD but have never experienced a traumatic event ever! You can have (C-)PTSD without trauma" that would be horrible

The idea that alters can "die" or that fusion/final fusion is equivalent to "alter death".

We've seen discussions of "who's trauma was worse" when traumagenic systems talk about their trauma

I've seen endos encourage systems to NOT go through with final fusion (I believe every system has their own right to decide what their long term goal is, whether it be final fusion or managing their life with did/osdd/udd, but actively discouraging final fusion is not ok imo)

Saying that system accountability is a bad thing. Holding your alters responsible for their actions is not a negative thing.

RAMCOA stolen terms-

Ritual Abuse, Mind Control, and Organized Abuse (RAMCOA) which you can read about here, endos have taken terms from RAMCOA survivors and twisted the actual meaning of the terms, here's some of them with their actual definition:

System hopping: moving from one side-system to another. (Not from one singlur system to another)

Side-system: a "system" that is seperate from the main one.

System reset: when abusers force dormancy in the majority of alters.

Shell alter: a fragment alter who's purpose is to mask the current fronter so that detecting switches becomes more difficult

(This was from our time spent in RAMCOA friendly spaces and talking with survivors)

Cultural appropriation/racism

Within the endogenic community are (western) tulpa "systems", tulpas are intentionally created by imagining a person into the mind and treating them as a real entity. Western Tulpamancy is a bastardization of Tibitian Buddhism. "Tulpa" is a term that comes from Tibetan and Indian Buddhism.

Alter race, "It is never alright to claim to be a race that the body is not. One can be an introject of a person of colour, or one can look a certain way in the inner world (have darker or lighter skin tone) but race is so much more complex than appearance alone. For us POC, race goes well beyond how we look. Our race is also defined by how other people discriminate against us for our heritage and how our family has raised us in our traditions. A white person cannot claim to have these experiences of discrimination and tradition which define a POC. One cannot claim to be a POC alter in a white body because they simply do not have the experiences of one. To claim to be a POC despite lacking these experiences is simply rude. Race is also defined by how others treat you, and in being part of a white system, one lacks the [discrimination] that comes with being of colour. Your understanding of a POC's race is that—an outsider’s understanding of a closed group. Being POC changes how we perceive the world and how the world perceives us, and a white person just isn’t capable of understanding these differences in perception because they are experiences which are exclusive to POC. This also applies to POC claiming alters from other POC groups. A Korean system is a Korean system and cannot have Arabic alters because they are still an outsider to that culture. Just as a white system can’t claim POC alters, a POC system cannot claim alters of a culture they’re not bodily part of. It also applies to introjects: no matter an introject’s source, that introject is going to be the same race and ethnicity as the system and body. You cannot claim to be a different race or ethnicity through your interpretation of a piece of media. While your gender can be different from your body’s, your race cannot, because unlike race you self-identify with your gender. Race and ethnicity is assigned to you by the world around you based on your physical body at birth." (This explanation was taken from here [yes, its a carrd] as they explained it better than I could)

Other

I couldn't decide where these statements could go so they're just on their own

Not remembering your trauma is something entirely different from claiming systemhood without trauma

"You can be a system without having did/osdd, they're not the same" I have yet to see any (real) sources on that, it's possible to not meet the diagnostic criteria for DiD/OSDD, but systemhood outside of that? Still, not credible sources

I very often hear "but the DSM doesnt have trauma in the diagnostic criteria, this means systems dont have to have trauma to form!" The DSM doesn't have "trauma" as a diagnostic criteria because they would need to be 100% sure that this happens, which means they would have traumatize children to be 100% sure if childhood trauma is the only cause. I shouldn't have to say this, but that's unethical (here is a PDF link to the full DSM5)

Here's soms more links about the link between childhood trauma and DiD/OSDD, as well as anything else I mentioned in here that I just couldn't find an appropriate place to put

NAMI

DID Research

NCBI

APA

McLean

Mayo Clinic

AAMFT

Being a system is a disorder, not a hobby, its not fun, it's not an identity/label that you can just slap on like with gender or pronouns.

Endos & their supporters dont even touch this bc I'm not going to bring any further discourse to my blog, respect our boundaries

[blackvahana]

Unknown Void(?) language, 17/6/24

Lev pointed out last night that, while I was seeing it English, the self-writing book I was working with was actually recording in the same language(?) that the book now at the bottom of the gas-giant-cum-abyssal-ocean was written in.

I don’t want to get too much into it because I’d rather stream it out of me before dissecting it so I don’t start trying to force it into beliefs and rules surrounding what I think it should be…. Guess I’ll just get myself to write another couple pages.

The writing is partly linear. Taking this sketch of one page for example:

All of it’s in black, red’s just to illustrate something later.

The major theme(s) of the page are way bigger than the rest of the writing, sort of leaving it a little like a word-cloud-meets-magnet-altering-iron-filings, the words of the entire things bend towards the main concept… Except they don’t? They do? They heavily seem like they do. It’s more like those realistic portraits that are contained in perfecty concentric circles, you just see a face because the width of the lines is changing in relation to the features of the person being depicted, but the intent to depict the face is there like the intent to depict the gravitation is here.

Various important “words” pop out as larger, though this kind of shows (me) that it’s a… Syllabic set of characters? Characters are a mix between syllables of energy and meaning strung between them, so to a human on this plane’s mind it would pobably be classified as letters/syllables, but the syllables are strung together into temporary characters. This is hard to explain because that may seem like arguing that English words are “temporary characters”, but the difference is that when strung together they energetically become one whole. Think of English letters forming words as bits of pipes screwed together to act as one pipe, characters like kanji as singular tubes of whole pipes, and this more like when you screw the “letters” together they magically merge into one pipe with no screws. Bad metaphor.

It's a very expression-based language. Think of the whole syllabic symbols as words things like how w-o-r-d becomes "werd" when spoken, a single sound, a single unified thing, because we don't speak "w-o-r-d", the act of writing here is much more like the act of speaking than writing. Anyway

Now to the red part. The symbols are written in a way that reminds me of musical notation with sharps and flats. A base character, like a primal sound, is written and then altered by strings of characters above and below it. It’s sort of like writing:

ing driving driving

I go car shops home

am using to to

… to say effectively “I’m going to the shops then coming home”, constructed more like “I am going (driving) to the shops then to (driving) home” with various parts of that conceptualisation implied or spoken in different parts.

Lighter more transient alterations are on top, these are very solar based in my head, then heavier more stagnant, grounding things are on the bottom which are lunar based, though I think it might be more day-night, or light-dark based… I’d have to figure out which person incarnated into me is talking about this though and where it comes from because for me personally sun is grounded, heavy, and stagnant and then the Moon is transient and light.

Actually, I’ve been theorising that this is some version of Void Fae/Shadow Person type talking for. obvious reasons, but if this was more so Light Void + Dark Void = Void that would make more sense. Still, though, I can’t help but notice I smell Grey on it, I guess there’s nothing saying he didn’t learn this from someone and add it to his menagerie of languages.

I am wondering if maybe he took a Void language and then repurposed it slightly in order to call on the Void, which…. Hmm. Possibly. I’ll need to gather selves and investigate.

There is definitely a spoken version of this, I dug it up in muscle memory and oh boy am I not speaking it outside religious and ritual and magical stuff. It’s vibratory, very heavy and intense in, well, vibration. That’s part of why I’m like “Grey, where are you with regards to this..” because. Dragon Gets His Hand On Void’s Open Secrets vibes. Anyway. It's growl-y, it's heavy, it's watery

It’s also very sigil-esque not visually but in terms of magic and manifestation, and sigils are already tied to the Void. It reminds me of a distant great great aunt or something of the “Take an intent, turn it into a sentence, reduce it to letters, then sigilise it" type of sigils, in the way that a younger generation may start trying to reinvent disco while calling it something else without realising its the same kind of thing. In this case though, it's more like the Void expressing itself in parts like this and forming sigil-esque expressions that are only being labelled sigil-esque because people on this plane generally only know how to do what it does through sigils.

[public-trans-it-deactivated20240]

#talking to myself

I want to elaborate on that last post a bit.

So, for context, I have DID/OSDD/MPD/am plural/whatever fucking nuanced way you want to refer to it, I do not give a shit. I'm not a fan of the word "Plural" tbh, mostly cause it has horrible Search Engine Optimization and makes researching more about it harder than it needs to be, but also fuck the DSM. I'm getting off topic. I got multiple bitches living in my head, is the important part.

But one of the big things other systems have told me is to try setting up a private discord of just myself, and something like pluralkit/tupperbox and just... start talking to myself in it. This really helps people with solidifying their identities and drawing clear lines between them, as well as overcoming amnesiac barriers that are common to systems.

That... does not fucking work for me. I can't journal. Between dyslexia and executive function, it is very hard to put my ideas into written form, and when I CAN manage it, I would much rather those efforts go into things more personally important to me, like my game design documents. Plus, I don't have much of an amnesiac barrier. LSD is fucking awsome. If you are plural you should try LSD. Even if the trip that got rid of my amnesiac barrier went VERY VERY BAD, that one miserable night was still a MASSIVE increase in my quality of life. Highly recommend. Getting off topic again.

Point is, I can think conversations faster than I can write them, so why the fuck would we sit there waiting for one of us to finish writing before we respond to it? Written form just kinda gets in the way.

So, after some discussion with my psych about what I actually want out of my plurality, and what benefits certain exercises like that even bring, I was able to narrow down exactly what I want out of it.

I WANT to be able to be open about my internal experience with others. I think being loud and proud about the weirdest parts of yourself is important because it allows similar people to see that and feel less alienated for being weird in the same way. Shout out to Keith Ballard's coming out video for that one.

I WANT to be able to further define parts of myself and keep a firm divide between my alters to prevent them from merging back together or dispersing entirely, all while promoting more conversations about it.

What I DON'T want is people assigning me value and treating me differently based on who is fronting at any given moment. I sure as fuck don't want to create any expectation that it is somehow ANY of your business which alter you are talking to.

So, while we all have names, you will not be learning any of them. Instead, I'm just gonna start posting internal conversations that i find funny or insightful, like that previous post. I'm going to just be using the same rules as movie extras, and will just be labeling them as "Alter 1", "Alter 2", etc, in order of appearance in the conversation. Alter 1 in one post might be Alter 2 in another post, and vice versa. This will help us remain anonymous and make sure we all still just get treated like Ceetee.

If this sounds really annoying to you, I'm gonna start tagging those as "#talking to myself", and also posts like this one that talk about my experiences with DID/Plurality as "#talking about myself". Blacklist as needed.

[zuble]

i don’t remember if i’ve ever talked about the Lore behind one of my headmates, nemesis, because i was afraid of coming off as cringe or whatever. but she hasn’t come around in a while and i think she’s cool so she can’t stop me now.

for those who were here and remember, the first alter i discovered i had was circe. she acted as sort of like a protector and mother figure for me. she was a bit jealous and rude, but in an “i know what’s best for you and therefore i demand respect” way. and since she was the first one i discovered, i gave her that respect. she based her form off a greek goddess, and saw herself as one in a way.

then there was ed. he didn’t actually have a real name, but he liked when i called him ed. he was…. i forgot the medical term for it, but he was bad. very bad. he was around since i was a young child and he took over my body a lot, and terrified me. he made me do bad things. i hated him, but i couldn’t really stop him. he was a demonic shadowy figure.

as i became more mentally well and understood more about my condition, my alters began to learn about each others existence. circe and ed, in particular, were very knowledgeable. i felt circe beginning to merge and integrate into myself, into my own brain. i didn’t want her to, i was afraid of her leaving me.

then something inside of me changed. it felt like someone mixing play dough together, or like two colors of paint were being poured into the same bowl. i didn’t understand for a few days, but circe and ed were becoming one. instead of becoming one with myself, they were becoming one with each other. like a marriage or birth. then nemesis was born. it was like, the two of them still existed, but not really, but they were part of nem, but she was her own person.

she’s almost fully her own person now, mostly. she’s taken circe’s godhood and human-like form, and ed’s….. darkness? she’s like a dark angel basically, but she obviously doesn’t have any actual powers since she occupies my body. she can be difficult to deal with, but she has her own strange sweetness. i don’t want her to integrate because i like her. all of my other headmates could disappear and i would be fine, but nem is different. she’s my friend, and she’s my enemy. she’s too important to me. even if she doesn’t show up often anymore, now that i’ve improved my mental state.

[deadcool14]

The finale!

Starting this off with the C-Ranks:

-Ami Ami no Mi (Net-Net Fruit):  Allows the user to create nets. The nets are primarily very sticky, but if you want something else, then you can transform anything you eat into a net. You could eat metal and throw metal nets to form a cage, or drink boiling water and make a boiling water net. That doesn't make you inmune to any ill effects caused by what you eat tho. You can also turn your body into a net.

Good for hunting, or restraining dangerous people.

-Kone Kone no Mi (Knead-Knead Fruit): Allows the user to give someone the appearance, abilities and strength of another person. Those transformed return to normal after they are incapacitated. And it doesn't work on the user. Besides that, theonly downside is that you need people to trasnform in the first place and that would be willing to follow you.

Fake IDs would be a thing of the past. The military could make you turn disposable soldiers into total badasses and send them to suicide missions. Or sex stuff.

-Hore Hore no Mi (Fondly-Fondly Fruit): Allows the user to make people fall in love with them or anyone else by shining lights onto them. You can you choose who falls for who. And it's unknown if this works with members of the same sex. People who are already in love are inmune.

You become a Love God.

-Bana Bana no mi (Burner-Burner Fruit): Allows the user to harness jealousy and convert it into heat and fire. You can channel the heat through weapons and make them even more dangerous.

Wanted to go with either the Jelly-Jelly or Jealous-Jealous Fruit, but I decided against it and gave it it's more accurate translation. Plus. the first option sounds like the name of a different fruit all together so I didn't wanna risk it if it becomes canon.

-Kyara Kyara no Mi (Char-Char Fruit): Provides consciousness to non-living souls, as well as allowing the soul to merge with others. This fruit was eaten by Lip Shark, the mascot of the aforementioned Fischer's Youtube group. He somehow ate the fruit, gained sentience and used his new power to merge with one of the Fischer's member to give him a power boost. He said that he draws power from Fischer's millions of fans, it's unknown if this is something specific for him or the fruit.

"Char" is short for character

Also yeah, it does look like a turd.

Name made by me.

-Nori Nori no Mi (Dance-Dance Fruit): Allows the user to force people to dance. You can even make someone dance, TO DEATH!

Become the life party! Tho some people might not appreciate it, people like me, who don't like to dance with other people around.

Obvious name made by me.

D-Ranks:

-Hiso Hiso no Mi (Whisper-Whisper Fruit): Allows the user to telepathically communicate with animals. You can only talk to them not control them, so you can't make them do anything for you, unless they like you.

Star in a better Dr Dolittle remake.

-SMILE Fruits: SMILEs are are Artificial, Zoan type, Devil Fruits. These fruits work by altering the consumer's DNA and combining it with that of an animal. A SMILE user could gain an animal body part(s), or even an actual sentient animal, growing out of their body. Most of the time this is permanent, with a lucky few being able to change back and forth; oh and also, there is a 90% chance that the fruit, not only won't give you any semi-decent power at all and you still lose the ability to swim, but you ALSO become unable to express any emotion other than joy; hence the name. These are the non-canon SMILE Fruits:

-Snake, Bat and Crab SMILEs: Grants the user the physical characteristics of a snake, a bat and a crab respectively. These ones turned the user's hands into said animals.

-Bear SMILE: Grants the user the characteristics of a bear. In this case, it permanently turns your body into a big, green, anthropomorphic bear, with your human face being visible when the bear's mouth opens. Grants enhanced strength and durability.

Best furry cosplay.

-Tiger SMILE: Grants the user the characteristics of a tiger, specifically, a tiger's nose, fangs, and ears and his body is covered in yellow and black fur. Maybe it gives you some enhanced strength and speed, and the guy also seemed to have claws, so that's also a bonus.

Best furry cosplay.

-Sasquatch SMILE: Permanently transforms your left arm into a giant, clawed, gorilla-looking arm that seems to act on it's own. The arm gives you enhanced strength and can be controlled, with enough training and willpower. Otherwise you can use a special metal brace to limit it's strength and handle it better.

This fruit was eaten a filler character called 'All-Hunt Grount'. It's type is unidentified, but come on, it ticks all the SMILE boxes. And I identified it as a sasquatch, cuz I think it fits.

This fruit, along with the other SMILEs made it to D-Tier because, besides the risk, they can still give you a somewhat decent power-up, but besides that, they reeeeaaaally blow.

F-Ranks:

-Koro Koro no Mi (Roll-Roll Fruit): Allows the user to turn into a human rail cart. Like, your limbs turn into rail cart wheels, and that's it. You don't even get extra defense or something. I mean I guess you can spin the wheels really fast to attack or ram into them (IF they're somehow in the middle of some train tracks), but that's it.

Wtf?

-Llama SMILE: Grants the user the characteristics of a llama. In this case, it makes a llama's head and neck sprout from your head and cover your body with fur. You could maybe use it to fuck with people by spitting at them.

Crappy furry cosplay.

-Ero Ero no Mi (Erotic-Erotic Fruit): Most likely a Paramecia that would either allow you to transform someone into their most sexually desirable version, say, making Squidward handsome without the fun of bashing his face in with a door, or altering the enviroment to 'fit the mood' better, and probably doing something that would persuade someone to get into said mood. This fruit was created as a joke; when someone asked Oda if he'd ever consider giving Luffy a different Devil Fruit, and he jokingly answered, this. Oda also tried inserting ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°) this fruit into the story about 13 times, but was, unsurprisingly, denied every time, but he sneakily managed to put it int the story by reconceptualizing it into Boa Hancock's Mero Mero no Mi (Love-Love Fruit).

I'll give you three whole guesses as to what you could use this fruit for.

And that, as they say, is that.

My ranking of every single non-canon Devil Fruit across all One Piece media. And I want to give my biggest thanks to those who actually took some of their time to check these posts out to, and a bigger thanks to those who actually interacted with them, lol. No but I didn't do this because I wanted likes or reblogs, I just really liked creating the list and wanted to share it, which is what social media is for. I hope everyone liked this and that they also want to make their own lists. Thank you :)

[lgwebspacethemedfmp]

Making The Maps

When creating the heart of the capital city, I had something similar to Trafalgar Square in mind, the base idea was a ring of buildings, with the main focus being a museum and some form of monument in the middle. I knew I wanted a tavern, the first to be thought of was the Shattered Frog Tavern, which came about after continuously rolling a D&D Tavern Name Generator that I believe I found on Pinterest, which had two lists of one hundred names. The gimmick of the first tavern was thought of quite quickly, where they were full of ceramic frogs, and any that got shattered were put on display. This was later changed when a friend of mine informed me of Figurines of Wonderous Power, that are little statues of animals that can come to life for a duration of time, and then have to take time to recharge that ability. We decided that it would be a fun idea for statues of frogs to be wandering around and wait on the tables.

A theatre was another idea that came up quite quickly when brainstorming what to have in the heart of the city, in the timelapse you can see a rough floorplan being drawn for this building as I wanted to have the outside make sense for what was inside (an helps to describe it later if I know the floorplan more accurately). The rest of the buildings were put down to fill space, the original idea was to have four buildings, but that didn’t look right so I started filling out the space with buildings and then deciding what their purposes were afterwards. When I ran out of idea on what to include, I started to merge some of the buildings together and ended up with fourteen buildings total. This ended up being a fairly big mistake on my part, as I wanted to have a lot of buildings to help the area feel more complete, but in the process I then became too invested in adding too much detail to an area that wasn’t intended to be stayed in for long. This then altered the story ahead a fair bit in order to navigate around this problem, but it also helped me to flesh out the story later because of those small details that at first had little significance to the overall campaign. 

The map of Bufo was made in a similar fashion to the map of Acervus in the sense that there was a vague layout in mind and a few ideas for buildings, but as for how everything looked and was laid out, that was to be determined by how the map came out and whether I was happy with it. I knew that I wanted any inhabited area on Saltus to be suspended from the trees. This was from a mixture of the low gravity and also any potential predators that may reside in a jungle environment. 

I started to place everything by hand, but quickly concluded that that was not the right way to go about it, so using a scattered spraypaint brush, I covered the canvas in clusters of dots and then went over the ones that I would use as the trees. To sketch out where the walkways were, I just connected dots together that made sense and left enough space between them for buildings to be while still making places accessible via multiple routes. Then on or between any remaining dots close enough to the walkways, I drew different coloured dots to represent the buildings. I intended to have these buildings attached to two trees, but soon settled on some only being attached to one. The general rule was that the bigger the building, either the bigger the tree it was attached to or the more trees it was attached to. I then put in where the rope bridges connecting the walkways and the buildings would be before drawing around everything. 

It was at this point that I decided that each planet uses different materials to construct maps out of, and being the hub of dyes, Saltus often uses bright colours, whereas Acervus (being closest to Saxum) uses more earthy materials. 

[traumadragon]

kind of just want to ramble about our problems with how people treat alters in DID/OSDD a lot of the time, at least with discussing it online. the DSM criteria do not specify these issues as being an inherent part of DID, let alone OSDD. but it's rare that systems diagnosed (self or not) don't do stuff like this.

it hurts when we see it. we want to help other systems work together and be able to enjoy things, as a group. complete integration in the medical sense of merging parts is dangerous if you can't work together as a whole system, let alone presenting as an individual. it worries us a lot when we've seen systems heavily focused on the part of integration that involves merging members, when they regularly express anger, distrust, and rejection between a lot of alters.

it baffles us with the way many DID/OSDD systems tend to treat them exactly like children. yes, emotionally and mentally, they act and react like children. yes, remove them from situations that are not suitable for humans in that type of experience.

but there's a context with treating individuals like children, that negates them from being taken seriously, being respected for their feelings and understanding, and simply being shown they are allowed to exist, that seems to take hold when systems treat their littles exactly like children. it's the same context used by parents who mistreat their children.

for children whose body is also a child, they need to be gradually given more choice, knowledge, and encouragement to get along in society more and more on their own - this is called parenting.

i dont know why i dont see other systems engaging in the parenting process with their littles when the little involved needs to be restricted from interacting with others or generally fronting alone because of a lack of help from other parts of their system. it sounds like holding a cup of alcohol or petrol/gas while watching a camp fire. at some point, that little is going to end up, somehow, fronting by themselves or facing a complex social situation. if they haven't been provided opportunities to learn how to navigate these things, it's going to end up with those situations like I've heard from systems of "oh <x situation happened where relationship got messed up/daily activities such as work was negatively impacted> because our little was fronting".

this also applies to individuals in a system that are labelled persecutors, and other forms of labels a lot of systems use when they just mean they don't want to face the problems and figure out solutions. it's not safe to leave these parts of your own mind without guidance on how to work together. if they demand something you don't like, remember that if it's different than what you want, you are already demanding that they do something you want instead. compromises have to be made. if you're a system, you're not going to get exactly what you want all the time as a component of a group (unless you don't care about anything).

you have to work together, however it works to communicate with each other, and you have to be able to compromise too. if you're a system, you don't get the freedom to choose every little thing. if you are labelled a "host", it's easy to forget that. it's not uncommon for the "host" of a system to change.

I'm certain that thinking about this scares people, but that's just as scary as it is with a little when they are left on their own to learn things instead of being guided through what they need to know.

[reflectionsofneptune]

little things about the Mars Signs

18+ 

little, dreamy things I associate with sex and the Mars signs in Astrology. 

Aries Mars

Rawness. A strong grip. Tugging a lock of hair when it gets too much. A thin line between pain and pleasure. Nails scratching down a back because of frustration. A build up. Taunts. Deliberately causing arguments because make-up sex with you feels so good. Will you take the bait? Sex feeling new each time. A fast rhythm. Confidence. Advancing towards you. Feeling protective over you. An urge to KO anyone who looks at you for more than 2 seconds. Warrior urges instigated. Persistence got me this far in life, let me show you how it works for me.

Taurus Mars

Pressure. A slow burning warmth that licks up the body. We have all the time in the world.  Every part of the body exposed to a kiss, a touch, a breath of air. Flickering of orange flames in a fireplace. A feeling of pure, unabashed sensuality when naked. Coolness of air which brushes the hairs on the back of the neck. Rooted in sexual energy. Slow and steady wins the race. Scented massages. Starting at the base of the neck. Feeling strength. Resilience. Flavoured condoms. Drunk on your love. How is it possible you taste sweeter every time? The smooth column of the throat. The shadows a sunset causes dancing. Seduction is like art to me, let me paint you a masterpiece. 

Gemini Mars

Curiosity. Curiosity killed the cat, but the cat had nine lives. Opening up to try different things. Trying to do too many things at once. Falling on the floor so we stay there. A combination of arms and legs. Head cocked to one side. Observing you from a different angle. Slanted eyes. A feeling of pressure that’s quick but growing in acuteness. Busy hands. Roaming fingers. Lights on or off it doesn’t matter. I can still picture you. In my mind. With my eyes closed. You’re a permanent imprint on my psyche. My desire resides on the mental plane. Whispering all the things I want to do to you. Biting an ear lobe. Wanting to learn about every inch of your body. Tell me your fantasies and watch how fast I bring it to you in real time.

Cancer Mars

Baby. But I can take control. It depends how I feel. An emotionally charged touch. Hearts in sync. A vivid imagination. Role-playing. Wearing that outfit I know has that effect on you. Playing coy. If I’m feeling sad, I might insist we stay wrapped in each other’s arms, just for a while. Is that OK? A stormy kind of desire. Waking up to kisses. Not wanting to sleep because this moment is all I ever dreamed of. This feels like home. Checking in with you. A sensitive kind of love. Hold me tight. So tight I can’t breathe. Only then will it feel right. TLC. Crying before, during and after sex. I can’t help it. A sudden wave of desire, greedy in nature. Strong feelings of lust. My fervour for you is bottomless, this is but a small representation of its total expression.

Leo Mars

Doing it in the mirror so I can show you how beautiful you look. Don’t be shy. Rose petals on the bed. Even more rose petals on the floor. I wanna perform for you. An effortless performance, start to finish. This is what you signed up for. Let me deliver my end of the deal. Pride in the bedroom. Forgetting about past lovers. At the moment of release, saying my name soothes the lion inside that bares it’s teeth when you’re underneath me. Aggression. Feeling royal together. Round one barely took the edge off. Leaving my mark on you. The bedroom feels like a hunting ground. Running isn’t an option. Pleasure in all its forms. Can you tame the beast?

Virgo Mars

Acting reserved in public but it’s a different story behind closed doors. Who knew? Not afraid to get dirty with you. Voyuerism. Less stress. Surrendering to pleasure and not feeling guilty for it. Peace with the imperfection of this ritual. Perfection out of the window. Lust making a direct entrance, front and centre. Tasting you. And then kissing you. Tasting us. Fresh sheets. Getting equally turned on watching you get dressed vs watching you get undressed. When we’re done, cleaning you as an act of service. Submission. A routine that brings order to a chaotic life. If I tell you how crucial this is to my well-being, will you look down on me?

Libra Mars

Fluid. Fluidity in our movements. You first, then me. Close your eyes if you like. There’s no rush. I like being here with you. Who said romance was dead? Wants and desires expressed with you in mind. Sleepy sex. In the throes of passion, you still look like a masterpiece. Can’t get enough. Delicate petals of a rose. Instinctively knowing how to get you off. Licking my lips. And then licking you down there. Playing with you with finesse. How does this feel? Dressing up, just for you. A breathy sigh released in the crook of the neck. Scented candles. Not knowing where each other begins and ends. Not caring. A true union of souls. Sharing this helps me to forget about inner turmoil, if only for a little while.

Scorpio Mars

Enticement. Pupils full and unblinking. Space between us lasts for a second. Who are we kidding? Sharing oxygen. Sucking on your bottom lip. Eyes on me. That’s not a request. Wanting to watch you fall apart. A wet trail left by a tongue. Those kind of toys. Do you trust me? Show me how much. Fingers pressed into the skin, hard. A ghostly handprint flashes on the surface of the skin for a heartbeat. Teeth tease the throb of a pulse point. Blood rushing. Be brave enough to discover the intensity of my feelings and be sucked under. Only to rise up in levels in consciousness on a spiritual plane. Love is transformational. I’m willing to show you what you do to me. Don’t run.

Sagittarius Mars

Free rein. Sex with the possibility of being exposed. Down for whatever. Bluntness. Desires expressed with no shame. A finger over the lips. Playing to win. Feeling energised when rolling around the sheets. Nothing is off limits. Fantasies coming true. No strings attached. Watch me do you. Laughter as foreplay. Relax with me. You may have tried this position before but with me it’s different. Let’s get physical. A work out. Kissing you to muffle your screams. Messy hair. Messy sheets. How did this end up in the bed? Mundane details of life losing their importance when we’re together. Feeling the strength coursing through the thighs. I would risk getting caught with you.

Capricorn Mars

A hand on your waist in public, a hand on your throat in secret. Trust me, it feels better when you wait. Limits pushed. Burning up. Debauchery. I won’t tell. It’s our little secret. Experience is a turn on. Standards are a turn on. A sense of control. Mastery. I know this game in and out. Sex is all about power at the end of the day. Soft bristles of a whip, barely brushing the spine. I know how to do this with my eyes closed. How do you feel about blindfolds? Vulnerability. Replaying these moments we share in inappropriate places. Seductive e-mails. Legs pressed tightly together. Having power over you is an accolade I hold close to my heart, not something I take for granted.

Aquarius Mars

Electric. Electricity when our fingers touch. Permission to be one’s free, authentic self. A non-judgement zone. Non-physical forms of affection. I’m open to trying something new with you. Inviting other people into the picture but only you can make me feel this way. Incorporating technology to add a new flavour. Feeling closer to you in group sex. Conversations intermingling within the very act of sex. Noses brushing against each other faintly. Deep eye-contact feels orgasmic. Hearing soft vibrations in the air before you feel it. Swirling galaxies. My thoughts are consumed by you nowadays, but I’m OK with that.

Pisces Mars

Altered states of consciousness. The bliss that comes when feeling wholly accepted. Complete adoration. Eyes locked. A desire to merge together. Skinny-dipping under the cloak of the night. Who cares if we get caught. No restrictions. A transcendent experience. Artistic nudes. A photo album on my phone. Dedicated to you. Boundaries teased. Biting my lip to control myself but failing. Kisses on the forehead. Reverence. I can morph into whoever you want me to. Kissing you, but my eyes are open. Moments of silence. Desires expressed without words. The sweetest dreams. Every time feels like a little death, only to be reborn again.  

| little thoughts about the mercury placements

| little thoughts about the venus placements

| little thoughts about the saturn placements

[ialwaysknewyouwerepunk]

fine line - a close reading

gonna cry bc i’m at the end, gonna cry bc it’s fine line.

(x x x)

want to give the same disclaimer as with lights up: this song is so layered, so multi-faceted, that i could never hope to give an exhaustive analysis. due to its vagueness and openness for interpretation, i assume that everyone, just like me, has their own ideas about it and has attached importance to it in ways that no one else’s words can or should alter. this song means the world to me for reasons that aren’t necessarily in this post, and that’s how it is with art that touches us deeply. i’ve tried my best to pull it apart, lay it bare, spread it open, if you will, so it’s almost as free as it can be for you all to form your own opinion on it. in the synthesis i will make my own conclusions, but feel free to ignore that if yours are totally different. i’m just one set of brain and heart taking in fine line and projecting whatever i think is right onto it. alright, let’s go

fine line, track 12

sung in falsetto

live version at the form: first verse not sung in falsetto - after first chorus goes into falsetto - like “thinking of her” has summoned her

live version at the form: first verse not sung in falsetto - after first chorus goes into falsetto - like “thinking of her” has summoned her

Put a price on emotion

pouring emotions into the art you create: how much is genuine / how much do you show - line between being authentic to your audience and giving away too much, wanting to keep things to yourself and not feeling truthful with what you’ve written

exploits of the industry: lay your soul bare - or the exact opposite, some pretend emotion - to score that hit

I'm looking for something to buy

cynical. emotions aren’t genuine, right? where can i go buy some?

～ lights up themes. fake life, industry, being a sell-out

You've got my devotion

But man, I can hate you sometimes

“you” = career, music, Harry Styles™. devoted to the craft, to the job, all the ups and downs of it, despite the hardships it brings 

“man” is deliberate: can be seen as an offhand interjection, like “man, that’s rough”, but nothing is casually placed in this song. “man” is: The Man, the heads in the industry, the people pulling the strings. The man in Harry, the man he’s been in the media all these years, the part he’s played/had to play, the man that’s in him

⟶ “hate you”: hate for industry shit, self-hate created by having to play pretend (～ only angel analysis, the persona of the Bukowski womaniser)

“sometimes” - it’s not fucked up all the time

“you” could also be a lover, but the sudden “hate” there then would be for that person, which is absent in any other song about them, doesn’t make any sense

I don't want to fight you

And I don't want to sleep in the dirt

like there’s a choice to me made, but he doesn’t want to make it: either I fight this “you” or I sleep in the dirt

“you” as the industry: if he doesn’t fight them, he might end up being a beggar, lose all his self-worth bc he gave in to everything they asked/told him to do

“you” as himself: fight your instincts, part of who you are/the persona. if he doesn’t fight to figure himself out, though, he fears he’ll also lose

“sleep in the dirt” as a sense of rejection, as well

We'll get the drinks in

So I'll get to thinking of her

drinks to cope - falling, only angel, from the dining table - or to be braver and confront emotions better - tbsl

who is “we”? who is “her”?

narrative of “you” as “lover” further disproven: if “I” and the lover get together over drinks and “I” starts thinking of “her”?

⟷ “her” could be the lover, but then who is “you”? the industry? some other person, besides that lover, harry is devoted to? multiple lovers, all of a sudden? no.

⟶ “I” and “you” are all harry, that get to thinking of “her” because she is in daydreams with him. the narrative that harry is fighting a part of him, the persona he has (had) to play bc of industry limits, makes most sense. that persona is within him now, and part of his work, but all of him, “we”, is begging to come into the light - of which she is a huge part

We'll be a fine line

balancing act. let everything coexist but pay attention that those lines don’t get crossed the wrong way. what we are, what i am, is a fine line between what makes us go under and what lets us thrive

we will be: determination to fulfil this prophecy, statement of fact “we always will be”

“we’ll be a fine line”: other way of interpreting it is that on both sides of that line is what entails “we”, all that is harry. what merges on that fine line is where it’s just right, when harry is fully himself in every way

“fine line” can also be an echo of criticism, bigotry, in the style of: it’s a fine line between being simply flamboyant and queer, between dressing like that and people thinking you’re a transvestite or summat (cause we wouldn’t want that, now, would we) - “we’ll be a fine line” could be owning all of it. putting himself in the middle of all those messy lines, as someone queer without a category

Test of my patience

patience with himself - kindness to self - took a long time to figure shit out and it was a challenge

waiting for change: industry and its allowances/openness

There's things that we'll never know

my favorite line

“we” = harry / harry and company / us in general, all of us listening 

～ tpwk “i don’t need all the answers”: deep sense of acceptance

peace to be found in accepting this!!

You sunshine, you temptress

“sunshine” - as in all the love songs (blue skies, sunflowers, summer days…): lover - possible that there are multiple “you”s in this song?

sunshine could ofc also be directed at the temptress, still

female “temptress” - “i’ll get to thinking of her” - she - it’s tempting for harry to think of her all the time, to lose himself in the “her” in him

other interpretation for “temptress”: woman he knows with negative influence in his life - resemblance to woman “you flower, you feast”, so echo of Bukowski ～ only angel, kiwi (my sunshine, my love, who is involved with this temptress…)

My hand’s at risk, I fold

⟷ tpwk “dropping into the deep end”

not showing his cards just yet / forfeits

anxious to show all of him, to take the chance, with all the risks and consequences involved

Crisp trepidation

I’ll try to shake this soon

nervousness, anxiety - about (not) taking (enough) chances, (not) laying himself bare (release of the album that reveals much more than before)

“crisp” fresh, this feeling is unfamiliar - change is coming “soon”

sense of agency: I can get rid of this feeling by my own volition and make these changes - hesitant, insecure: “try”

wants to be braver. he’s not going back, but still needs to calmly coax himself further and further into the light, out into the open (“we’ll be alright”)

Spreading you open

Is the only way of knowing you

(can anyone else hear “spread thin” like a whisper under “spreading”? or am i imagining things.)

“you” is back - the only way of knowing “you” is to spread them open - the physical

to spread someone open - very literal, don’t need to paint the picture, or to lay bare, to lay it all out 

⟶ “you” as himself - the only way of knowing who i am is by doing this: writing this album, performing these songs, letting others listen in and form their own interpretations, let this world grow where i’m laid bare and OPEN and exist as this person who has issues, who is angry, who doesn’t know who he is a lot of the time, but is still so happy to be here - let it spread and let it all circle back to me so i can grow deeper into myself

We'll be a fine line

We'll be alright

“we” = h & self, h & lover, h & fans

collectiveness from tpwk

(notes on a piano sounding like drops, like he’s emerged from the water and dripping dry)

SYNTHESIS

Everything about this song is plural. Personal pronouns are all over the place. I, you, her, we. The sound is incredibly layered, with Harry’s own voice echoing through its verses like he’s singing to himself in an empty cave. Meanings can be attached to every word like it’s a wax tablet used too many times. What Harry has said in interviews for once holds pretty true to the actual meaning, in my opinion. 

“It felt like it described to me the process of making it and how the album felt in terms of the different kinds of songs on it.” (Capital FM)

This can mean a lot of things, and I think it means all of the things, of course. It means Fine Line is a summary of all of his emotions he visited on the album, of the things he’s laid bare. And it means that the actual process was also described, as one that can be frustrating and challenging, with added industry shit. 

Harry has expressed straightforward gratefulness to his label for "leaving (him) alone” while making the album and that speaks volumes. This time, he had the chance to make his art without the constant interference of a label, which meant he could weave in criticism as well. “Put a price on emotion” is first and foremost a critique on the industry. It’s the first line of the song, setting the tone for the interpretation of this song is about the risks I took while making this album. It involves criticism on an industry that creates such an atmosphere that only a certain type of music and artist breaks through or can be successful, that limits people in their personal expression. Convinces them that it’s better that way. That it’s better to hide who they love because the general public won’t accept them. That it’s better to create a song about a fake emotion than be honest. Harry loves writing songs and being on stage, but it’s taken a while for him to be fully comfortable there as a solo artist and bloom into the person that could make Fine Line. He loves his career, but it’s also limited his freedom in ways beyond our comprehension, and it’s exploited him to the point where he didn’t know who he was, in ways that have clearly taken a toll on his mental wellbeing. To a point where he finishes this album reassuring himself, most of all, that everything will be alright.

That process of making Fine Line obviously includes Harry confronting emotions he hadn’t before. He has stated that he experienced the highest highs and the lowest lows while making it. There are things he hates, he was fighting but doesn’t want to (anymore), uncertainties he was trying to figure out but had to accept he couldn’t, risks he still doesn’t know he can take without shaking. At the centre of it all is this sense of “knowing you.” The different personal pronouns in the song paint a fractured picture, which is ultimately deliberate. That the “you” Harry is devoted to and can hate sometimes doesn’t line up with “her,” that the end focus does seem to be this “you” that is mentioned in the same breath as “man” and “temptress,” forming the “we” together with “I”. 

After having songs like Lights Up, She, Falling and even TPWK, one of the central themes on the album has undoubtedly been self-discovery, in all its pain and glory. There are no female pronouns on the album besides, obviously, in She, and then here, in Fine Line. She is about a man living with a woman “just in his head”, who “sleeps in his bed while he plays pretend.” It is very clearly a trans narrative, the story of someone struggling to put into words what they’re experiencing in terms of gender. To a point that they fantasise about running away. Fine Line brings the ideas of knowing what it all means, which Lights Up kicks off (“do you know who you are?”), Falling deepens (“what am I now?”) and Treat People With Kindness turns on its head (“I don’t need all the answers”), together. Harry is still doubtful, and the questions asked earlier in the album haven’t disappeared, but he has accepted that “some things we’ll never know.” His aim, however, is still “knowing you.” 

To have Fine Line, as the summary of these emotions of self-growth and self-discovery, echo that one female pronoun, speaks volumes. It is a direct reference to She, to that story about gender. “Her” in this song refers to “she (who) lives in daydreams with (him).” The one who still only fully comes out when they’ve had a drink. The one he’s still working to include in who he is, as he tries to figure out who he is, all of it. The song where he sings in falsetto, just like on Fine Line. Of which he sang the first verse an octave lower live at the forum, switching between those voices, those perspectives. That’s also why “you” in this song is also Harry to me. We get this fractured sense of self, this “I” and “you” conversing over a drink, this “you” Harry is devoted to and wants to figure out. “You” and “I” form “we” and all of them are Harry. The lines are blurry on purpose, there is no way to figure out where “you” ends and “I” begins. 

“You sunshine, you temptress” is the most enigmatic line in that respect, and to me blurs those lines even more between the pronouns. “You” is suddenly also identified by a female noun. And no this isn’t about some kind of love triangle. “Sunshine” aligns with all the odes to his lover in the rest of the album. So what does that mean? That there are multiple “you”s in this song, meaning that Harry is addressing both his lover and a temptress? So “her” he’ll get to thinking of, the only other female pronoun used in the song, is identified as a temptress, but tempting to do what? To take risks? And no I won’t forget the “man, I can hate you sometimes,” where "man” is not a casual interjection but an identifier of “you.” 

Or is it an echo of “the light” from Golden’s “bring me back to the light” and Light’s Up’s ���step into the light”? So that the “sunshine” symbolises being in the clear, being out of the darkness running through his heart, the darkness caused by not knowing who you are. “You sunshine,” you beacon of light. “You temptress,” risk-taker and source of anxiety. You, one I need to spread open to figure out, to know about, source of happiness and despair, one I’m devoted to but also hate. You, man, you, temptress. You there, in the mirror looking back at me. 

All of you, and myself included, we’ll be a fine line. And we’ll be alright.

This song is about all of that. The self in art, the self on its own, the other, the journey, the chances, the fears, the passion. Hope. Reassurance. Confidence. And, most importantly, that everything will be alright in the end.

x

read all my lyric analyses here

[true-blue-megamind]

FAN THEORY THURSDAY: Megamind’s Connections Beyond the Film

Before we get started, it’s time for the obligatory SPOILER WARNING!  

In case this hasn’t been made sufficiently obvious by the fact that this is a post about Megamind written in a fan theory series about Megamind and published on a blog dedicated solely to Megamind, please let me just assure that this article is, in fact, about Megamind.  

If you haven’t seen the film yet yet, I have to question why you’re reading this in the first place.  As well as your taste in animated movies.  I’m definitely questioning that.

Over the years I’ve heard several fan theories concerning connections between the film Megamind and various other forms of media.  Today, let’s delve into just a few.

The first one is so obvious it’s almost painful, but it has to be mentioned.  Megamind is a Superman spoof.  Metro Man is clearly based on the Man of Steel himself, with a hefty dose of Elvis Presley and a larger range of character flaws thrown in for good measure.  (He also seems to contain quite a lot of the Popular Jock archetype.)  The character of Megamind is more complex still, combining elements of Alice Cooper and a nineties Goth theater kid with several comic book supervillains. The best known of the last include alien genius Brainiac and mad inventor Lexx Luthor, but they aren’t the only ones.  Some of Megamind’s engineering and technological inventions call to mind Spiderman villain Doctor Octopus even more than Lexx Luthor, and he also shares some parallels with the mad inventor Dr. Sivana in the SHAZAM comics.

Megamind’s most notable of the latter is the similarity of attitudes toward society.  Both Megamind and Dr. Sivana started off trying to use their inventions for good—the first in the classroom and the second for the betterment of mankind—but both became bitter when people mocked and shunned them.  For Dr. Sivana, this led to a desire to conquer all of Earth while for Megamind, in a sort of microcosm, it led to a similar drive to take over Metro City.  Both Lexx Luthor and Dr. Sivana have, perhaps, the strongest connections to Megamind as share, deep down, a desire to help or protect mankind, and as Lexx Luthor, like Megamind, harbors a secret love for the reporter damsel in their respective stories.  (This desire to do good, especially in the face of corrupt officials, ties into another Megamind fan theory that I will likely discuss in more detail in a later post.)

The connection between Megamind and Alice Cooper, by the way, was extremely intentional.  The creators stated in an interview that, like Alice Cooper, Megamind’s dark, evil self is, in fact, a stage persona.  (Even their clothing, consisting largely of black leather and spikes, is similar.)  That fact is illustrated in the film as we can see that Megamind’s behaviors on- and off-camera tend to be vastly different.  Even as a villain, he is merely playing a role, although in the case of Megamind that role has begun to merge with his self-identity.

There are, however, hints within the world of DreamWorks that Megamind has other connections as well.  The first is fairly recent and intensely interesting. In the Rise of the Guardians, Jamie Bennett, a young boy who still steadfastly believes in the seemingly impossible, mentions “aliens in Michigan,” only to be scoffed at by his friends.  Because Metro City is located in Michigan, (as can be seen briefly when the Death Ray is fired from space,) many fans theorize that the “aliens in Michigan” are none other than Megamind, Minion, and, perhaps, Metro Man. 

This would indicate that the two stories take place in the same world, and that Megamind’s adventures, while well-known in Metro City itself, have been covered up and kept secret from the rest of the world.  (Imagine moving to a moderately-sized city only to discover that—surprise!—there’s an extraterrestrial supervillain in residence and, oh, by the way, if you live downtown homeowners’ insurance is ridiculous!)

The second inter-film connection is less clear, but has spawned some interesting fan theories as well.  The idea is that, like Rise of the Guardians, Monsters VS. Aliens also takes place in the same reality as Megamind.  It’s not too far fetched—after all, both films involve extraterrestrials and amazing inventions—but there is one specific theory that really ties the two together.  Consider this for a moment: Megamind is a blue alien with incredible intelligence who hails from a destroyed planet.  Does that sound like any other DreamWorks character you know?  If you’ve seen Monster VS. Aliens, the antagonist, Gallaxhar, probably springs to mind.

According to Fandom.com, Gallaxhar’s official backstory is that he “destroyed his home planet” for the implied reason that “he experienced bad childhood and unhappy marriage.”  The fan theory is that that Gallaxhar’s planet was, in fact, Megamind’s home world, and that the former created or harnessed the black hole which destroyed it.  This would explain why Megamind’s people—as well as Metro Man’s—didn’t have time to escape despite being space-faring.  You see, black holes take millions of years to develop, and even a rogue black hole would take about a million to shift and swallow an entire solar system, so if the event had occurred naturally, there should have been plenty of time to build an entire fleet of spacecraft and leave for Earth or another safe planet.  (The fact that Megamind’s parents set his escape pod’s navigation system for Earth indicates that they knew of its existence.)

Of course, despite their large heads and blue skin tones, there are quite a few physical differences between Megamind and Gallaxhar.  The first is humanoid while the second has four eyes and tentacles instead of legs.  Fan theories have explanations for that, too, however.  

There appear to be two schools of thought on the subject.  The first is that Gallaxhar was another breed of alien living on the planet, possibly a servile race different from Minions, and the second is that part of Gallaxhar’s “bad childhood” involved being experimented upon, thus giving him his bizarre appearance and his seeming obsession with experimenting on others.  (There is some disagreement in the Megamind fandom about exactly why Gallaxhar was subjected to such treatment, ranging from falling into the hands of an unscrupulous scientist to being part of an experimental medical program.  The latter fan theory suggests that Gallaxhar was both blind and paraplegic, and that his additional eyes and tentacle “legs” were meant to rectify that, but that those physical differences made him an outsider, thus leading to his unhappy life and ultimate hatred for his own planet.)

If that were true, many may wonder what, exactly, Megamind might do if he ever found out about Gallaxhar.  Well, good news!  Just like there’s an app for everything, there’s a fan theory for that, too!  I will warn you, however, that this one is, frankly, build upon pretty thin evidence.  However, it’s interesting enough to be worth relating.

There is a character in Monsters VS. Aliens named General Warren R. Monger who, on the surface, is exactly what he appears to be: a high-ranking military man.  However, there are a few things that fans point to as possible evidence that Monger isn’t what he seems.  

The first is so simple that, alone, it would be inconsequential.  Monger rose through the ranks uncommonly fast, so much so that it caused some comment among others.  The second is significantly odder; Monger claims to be ninety years old despite looking like he is in his late forties.  Now, of course, this may have simply been the character exaggerating or messing with the “monsters” under his care, but some fans say it’s more than that, and claim that Monger chose that age because he was unfamiliar with human lifespans.  Next there is the fact that Monger is so intelligent that, despite one of the beings in his containment facility. Doctor Cockroach, being a super-genius, Monger outwits every escape attempt the monsters can make.  Then, of course, there is the fact that, despite his brusque manner, Monger seems to actually sympathize with the inhuman people he is charged with containing, and even pushes for them to be given a chance to prove themselves.  There is the oddity that, although he is assigned to the secret military base at “Area Fifty-Something,” Monger seems to disappear a lot, often for days at a time.  Finally, there are a few key physical and technological attributes: Monger has some odd and incredibly energetic facial expression—including a nearly maniacal smile and a dark scowl—as well as a jet pack that he appears to have constructed himself and green eyes.

I’m still not certain I see the resemblance, but maybe there are some similarities?  What do you think?

If you’re familiar with Metro City’s resident blue alien, you can probably see where this is going.  Although it’s not a popular theory, I’ve heard it suggested in the Megamind fandom that Monger is, in fact, Megamind disguised using his holowatch.  (This is why the green eyes are significant; Megamind’s eye color is the only aspect of his appearance that the holowatch doesn’t change.  However, I feel compelled to note that the shade of green appears to be different.) Fans insist that it would have been easy for someone as incredibly brilliant as Megamind to hack government systems and forge documents such as birth certificates thoroughly enough to dupe even U.S. Military Intelligence. The two jet packs, some have contested, look different either because of the disguise or because the one featured in Monster VS. Aliens is an older model. I’ve even seen the fact that both Megamind and Monger begin with M being pointed to as possible evidence that the latter is no more than an invention of the former.

The argument is as follows: as Monsters VS. Aliens takes place in 2009, one year before events in Megamind, it’s possible that Megamind, still being a villain, created an alter-ego which he could use to help him search for and deal with other alien life.  (He is shown to be painfully lonely, and the Megamind comics reveal his desperate desire to find other survivors from his home planet.)  Upon figuring out who Gallaxhar was, and more importantly what he had done, Megamind wanted to be part of taking him down.  But he couldn’t be too open about it; he was, after all, still a “Bad Guy.”  This theory explains Monger’s frequent long absences—during those time Megamind was back in Metro City taking care of his regular business— as well as why Monger had a secret soft spot for the “monsters.”  Megamind, having always been treated like a monster himself, would naturally want to give them a chance, but wouldn’t dare behave in too overtly friendly a manner as it would have aroused suspicion.

As I said, support for that particular theory is, perhaps, a little thin, especially given the fact the Monsters VS. Aliens preceded Megamind, so character designs from the former are unlikely to have been influenced by the latter.  Nonetheless, I admit to appreciating the complexity and creativity of it.  It’s an undeniably fun theory. If they haven’t already, maybe someone will write a fan fiction about it one day.

Those are only a few of the theories out there connecting Megamind with other fandoms.  One could go on and on about the subject, but I won’t torture readers by doing that.  Nonetheless, it illustrates once again the immense love and original thought that Megamind fans put into developing their theories!  I dare say that few other animated movies have earned a following so dedicated and inventive…  But, then, any of us who love the film Megamind will tell you that it has more than earned the consideration!

[undertakermybeloved]

As a person who experiences OSDD 1b, I've always headcanoned the Undertaker to have the same disorder. The way he so quickly switches between personas reminded me of how I experience my own disorder, and I decided to write this on it. Please note that is is not reflective of all disassociative disorders, and is based off of my own experiences!

Rating: Mature, 14+

Warnings: Mentions of death and murder, minor mentions of necromancy, necrophilia and sex

I wasn’t always like this. At first I didn’t even know. It seemed to happen so quickly, when really it was a slower process than trying to get your scythe registered with dispatch. 

Dispatch.

That's what caused this. It's all dispatches fault, of course. It's always their fault.

    I am the Undertaker. I’m sure you’ve heard of me. If that doesn’t ring a bell, maybe the name Legendary Death does. The most famous reaper to ever exist, loved by all and hunted by his own admiriers. Once a stoic man, unsympathetic, unloving, unattached. Wherever did he go? There is no possible way me, the kooky old mortician with a necrophelia problem, could ever be the same person who reaped Marie Antoinette and judged the soul of Robin Hood. Well, that would be because I’m not.. Partially.

    My body was indeed the vessel that completed those tasks, but I was not the one orchestrating them. I was in the back seat, an observer of my own life. I lived like that for so long, I didn’t even realize it was out of the ordinary. It was like sleepwalking. I did not control my own movements, did not hear my own thoughts, and did not speak my own words. Because they weren’t mine. They were Adriens.

    At least, that is what I have come to call him. I know what you’re thinking, and it is indeed ‘my’ old name, but I cannot seem to associate myself with it. My name is the Undertaker, that is who I am. Adrien is no longer me. A part of me, yes, just as much as I am a part of him.

    We are split. Two pieces of a whole being, separated into two seperate conciousnesses, to complete two separate jobs. 

    Being a reaper is a horribly taxing occupation. You commit suicide and are now forced to live forever for your horrible crime against the universe, against the very God all humans revere so. Your punishment is an immortal soul, and a job where you are forced to watch others finally achieve the peace you never good. It truly is the most clever and sinister punishment. 

    Being one of these criminals for over a thousand years, (I don’t care enough to keep track of the exact number,) I may be one of the oldest reapers who has not yet been forced into a medical coma to keep them out of the way, despite my frequent infringements against Shinigami rule. 

    Anyhow, I’m getting side tracked. Back to the point.

    Adrien. While that used to be my name, it is no longer me. I had to train myself as a reaper, not only physically but emotionally as well. Do not be sympathetic, do not become attached. Simply do your job and move on. But it takes a toll on one to, every day, watch the sick and the healthy, the old and the young, the rich and the poor, all laying upon their deathbeds. Especially the children. The poor, crying children. One cannot simply watch them sob as you take their soul and not feel some sort of remorse for the action. So, I put up an act. Played the part of an emotionless, stoic man long enough for my conscious to split. There was the reaper, the one who could handle seeing the dead and the dying, the one who didn’t experience the gut wrenching emotional grief.

    And then there was me. The weak one.

Weak. 

Too weak to do my own damn job, to the point I managed to split myself in two. A mirror image of myself, the same but better, better at his job, better at interacting, simply better. 

    I sat in the back for hundreds of years, stuffed away and watching my body be puppetted by one who was not me. I watched myself murder, I watched myself make love, but I was never there. I wondered sometimes, why did I feel like I was no longer in control? Well, it is simply because I wasn’t.

    It was like watching a movie where you play the main character. You see them, and it looks like you, but it isn’t. The way they act, talk, and even just carry themself is so drastically different from your own mannerisms that you can scarcely believe it is you who you are seeing.

    When I was finally in control again, it felt like I had just been saved from drowning. It was just a second, such a minor slip up of my counterpart, but it was long enough for me to realize I wasn’t alone, and had not been for longer than I’d ever known.

    That was when I left. I forced myself into control, and I had to make sure everyone knew I was no longer me. 

    One extravagant show of mass genocide later, I was free. I was free. Free from my own alter ego, free from the association, free from my punishment. Despite being part of the undead, I had never felt so alive.

    I traveled everywhere, released everything that had been hidden away in my own body for so long. Finally, I was the one to murder, I was the one to make love, I was the one to simply experience. It was me. 

    Eventually, I became weary of traveling the world. I was free enough. Free to control my own body, and that was all I needed. 

    I settled down, found a little shop on the market for cheap and took up mortuary studies.

    After my life as a reaper, most would think I’d prefer to stay away from death, but rather it brought me comfort, and continues to bring me comfort to this day. No longer having to watch people as they die, I am able to deal with them while already dead. And that is the difference between me, the Undertaker, and my own frgament, Adrien. 

    Being split like this for so long, the line between myself and Adrien is distinct and rather hard to miss. However, there are times where the line blurs, where we mix and entertwine into some sort of amalgamation pretending to be what we once were. The time on the Campania was where the line was blurred the most, to the point where there was hardly any line anymore. It felt like our subconscious was desperately trying to force us back together, despite being separated for much too long for such a thing to be even considered as a simple possibility. 

    Raising the dead was a combined effort between the both of us. Both of our anguish and grief, anger and despair, and sheer desperation to be one again came out in the form of necromancy. That is why we are better apart. The two of us are simply too different, too separate, by now to be able to merge without only causing problems.

    Being together again- or, as together as we could be- felt odd. I was both in and out of control at the same time. I could instruct our body to move, but I was only half there, and it was the same for Adrien as well. We were in control, but only partially. Our movements and speech wound together and created new movements and sentences, a new method of fighting, a new way of speaking. I’m surprised we weren't both a mess, being in control at the same time, but I suppose the half-assed merge was either to thank or to blame for that. We split again afterwards, which did not come as a surprise, and it was far from as dramatic as the first time. Trying to put us back together again is like cutting an apple in half, then carmelizing half of it and putting the other half in a pie, and trying to put the pieces back together once it's done. It simply doesn’t work, and it's much easier, more pleasant and more convenient to enjoy the two separately. 

    I don’t have much recollection of what it felt like to be whole, but it doesn’t bother me too much any more. Like I’ve said many times, and like I’ve come to realize after many years, is that we are simply better separate.

    Dispatch most likely already has a theory about my split personality. They always seem to know more about their reapers than the reapers know about themselves, and despite being retired, that rule remains the same for me. While I consistently refuse their ‘offers’ of a psych evaluation, (their offers being closer to not so gentle insisting and persuasion simply to have me in captivity,) they’re probably going to take me in by force eventually. I am old, after all. About a thousand something, I don’t care to remember. I can’t fight of these young, energetic reapers forever. They’ll reign me in, most likely sooner rather than later, and quite frankly I’m not particularly inclined to care what they do with me once they have me. Torture, questioning, what have you, I don’t much mind. They’re going to do what they please with me, whether I like it or not. If there's just one think I know about dispatch, it's that they always get their way.

    Oh well. If they somehow find a way to kill me, they’ll be doing me a favor. Maybe I’ll have my own body in the afterlife.

[a-single-slice-of-toast]

Notes about magic in the Boiling Isles:

(Feel free to add other notes or observations)

Abominations:

Abominations are made of a goopy substance that is created by witches.

Abominations may be summoned by users, either through verbal commands or by the use of spell circles.

Abominations themselves are as powerful as their users. If the user's power is amplified, so is their abomination.

Abominations can also become more powerful after merging with other abominations.

Abominations can gain sentience and even rebel.

Abomination magic does have other applications outside of creating abominations.

Individual limbs may be summoned, such as hands and arms.

More powerful users may be able to merge with or become abominations, gaining their fluidity and other properties.

Abomination goop may also be used to form weaponry, implying the malleability of the goop can be controlled.

When sending an abomination away, any objects inside of it will be sent to that location.

Abomination users, or at least more powerful ones, can freeze, tear up, and potentially control other users' abominations.

Bard:

Bards can control the objects around them as well as other beings through the use of music.

Bards can summon their (and perhaps even others') instruments.

Bard magic may be able to disrupt other witches' spells.

Bard magic can control the bodies of other beings, this includes taking control of limbs and making them fall asleep.

Bard magic can take control of an area, affecting everything within range of the song.

Bard magic may be as powerful as the song played as well as how many harmonize together.

Beast Keeping:

Beast-keepers can control and communicate with the wildlife of the Boiling Isles.

Beast-keepers work to study and tame magical creatures.

Beast-keepers may work with potions witches to help provide ingredients.

Construction:

Construction witches use their magic to shape the ground around them.

Construction witches use their magic to create structures, buildings, and even their own tools.

The construction coven has a glyph that amplifies the physical and magical power of those who wear it.

Healing:

Healers are the doctors of the Boiling Isles.

Healers use healing glyphs to speed up healing.

Healers work with the Potions Coven in cases where they cannot fully help.

Illusion:

Illusionists can change the appearances of different things and project illusions.

Illusions can be projected from anywhere are may be recalled at anytime. (Thank you to icelingbolt for this next bit) These illusions do not require constant focus.

Illusions can be given sentience. (Perhaps the reason why focus is not required for some illusions)

Illusions themselves are not physical objects, although they can be projected onto things to appear physical.

Illusions can be used to encapsulate an area and change its appearance.

Illusions require more concentration the more complicated they are.

Illusionists can alter their own appearances, perhaps with permanent effects until reversed. This includes the removal (and maybe addition) of limbs and other features.

Oracle:

Oracles use crystal balls to predict the future as well as contact and control spirits.

Crystal balls are the Boiling Isles equivalent to computers and televisions, potentially implying that oracles created and control crystal ball broadcasting and the Boiling Isles internet.

Oracles can communicate telepathically through objects such as pendants.

Plant:

Plant witches can control (and maybe communicate with?) the various plants of the Boiling Isles.

Plant witches work to grow and study the plants around them.

More powerful plant witches can summon plants to their aid.

Plant witches may work with potions witches to help provide ingredients.

Plant witches can help heal and enhance the growth of plants.

Potions:

Potions witches are the alchemists of the Boiling Isles.

Potions witches can create cures to help those the Healing Coven cannot.

Potions can serve many uses, such as cures, explosives, granting sentience to objects, and scrying.

[lligkv]

what the world will look like when it’s over

Can’t Get You Out of My Head is the first Adam Curtis documentary I’ve seen. I gather it’s not the most successful demonstration of his method; it sounds like Hypernormalization or The Century of the Self are tighter in their construction, less effortful (count how many times Curtis says something like “But then it started to run out of control” in this one), and perhaps less frustrating in their narration. In the early episodes of this documentary in particular, it feels like Curtis is constantly presenting what’s being covered as the turn, the decisive shift in his narrative—the emergence of the American counterculture, the revolution of the “unit of One” led by Mao Zedong’s wife Jiang Qing to help her break the stalemate with the other revolutionaries in China into which Zedong had fallen in the 1960s, George Boole’s development of Boolean logic to describe human thought. And the whole thing feels longer and baggier than it needs to be. The early episodes devote much time to interesting individual narratives, like that of the Trinidadian British activist or sorts named Michael Freitas (or Michael X) or a trans woman named Julie in 1960s Britain; they also sprawl in a way that makes the overall argument a bit hard to divine. It’s not until the fourth episode that the shape of Curtis’s narrative becomes clear—that our age is the product of a struggle between a new, broadly liberal-democratic and capitalist image of individualism, a dying era of collectivist struggle, and older, more vicious systems of power, derived from the control of capital and expressed through the middle classes’ suspicion and viciousness toward the subaltern and toward each other, even as they remain subject to the power of oligarchs and billionaires.

Curtis also seems to play fast and loose with the facts sometimes. When he presents Médecins Sans Frontières’s founder Bernard Kouchner as an avatar of a theory of the “one world” of liberal democracy—the idea that we’re basically one world of individuals, enjoying certain human rights regardless of political orientations or ideologies, and that Western nations are duty-bound by virtue of their prosperity to intervene when other nations violate people’s rights—it seems a distortion of what Kouchner actually says in the footage Curtis includes: “We don’t care on leftist or rightist countries [sic]; there is no leftist and rightist suffering, and there is no possibility to split the world in[to] ‘good’ people or ‘bad’ people, ‘good’ dead and ‘bad’ dead.” Which isn’t to say Kouchner didn’t believe in liberal-democratic ideas—he may well have—but what he’s shown as saying has to do with the consideration of suffering as suffering regardless of a person’s identity or allegiance, which is a different matter.

This is just one of several moments when I stopped to wonder how secure I actually was in Curtis’s hands. But ultimately, I find the emotional history he lays out resonant. The age we’re living through now, in the 2020s, is indeed the product of certain fantasies of individualism and of a post-end-of-history, neoliberal “one world”—with no ideologies but capitalism and putative democracy—meeting age-old systems of power, acquisition, and control, and age-old features of the human mind and heart: resentment, prejudice, betrayal, jealousy, the need to be prosperous, the need to be free.

And Curtis’s work appeals to me for the same reason the writer Pankaj Mishra’s work does. He historicizes our underhistoricized time. What’s more, he does so in a way that’s especially rare to see in any mainstream media venue. Usually, when you want to understand the connections between, say, colonial-era empires and post-war welfare states, or if you want to understand what happened to turn Western societies as they were post-war to Western societies as they are post-financialization, you have to seek the information out on your own. It’s valuable to have someone in a place like the BBC willing to put the pieces of these narratives together. And willing to remind us of the events that are so incredibly easy to forget even in one’s own lifetime. Abu Ghraib, for instance, which pops up in part 6 of the documentary. That shit happened while I was alive. How often do I remember it? How many American sins get drowned out in the new ones that emerge every day of every month of every year? Or in the stasis that sets in when what was once novel, like the War on Terror or the invasion into our privacy represented by the Patriot Act, fades into regular life?

I was jotting down copious notes while watching the doc, as is my wont. The questions and thoughts that came up, in no particular order:

How do the elites of a given era impose their preferred ideologies? How are the structures of power we grow up with constructed, and how do those go on to shape our behavior?

Control, as it’s practiced by societies in the 21st century, often comes down to the recognition of patterns in human behavior—and their manipulation.

The loss of power, like that which was suffered after the collapse of Britain’s empire or in the slow hollowing-out of America’s manufacturing industry in the 20th century, leads to anger and melancholy that people can’t be expected to abandon. Does doing what you’re supposed to do bring you the happiness you were promised—or anything even resembling that happiness? When we’re living in a historical moment in which the answer is no, as is often the case today, we’ll need to watch out. It’s a sign people are being manipulated and abused.

Over time, the tech industry has come to understand that you can manage people en masse by collecting their data and manipulating the messages they receive in social media activity feeds and advertising—and you can make them feel like sovereign individuals at the same time through the very same means. In light of all this, will there ever be a revolution that actually changes the structure of power we’re currently stuck in? Is there a chance to alter this extreme individualism. on the part of people who are surrounded by political systems so enervated, by the supra-governmental system that is global finance capital—which politicians can’t control, and must appease and palliate—that they can’t respond to phenomena like climate change or meaningfully punish atrocities like wars prosecuted on false pretenses? Or are we stuck where we are, in a world that’s corrupt and exhausted? In nations whose governments depend on technologies of surveillance and myths of consumerist abundance or nationalist glory to maintain power, in the absence of any real vision for the future?

It all leads to some interesting takeaways. For one, the way culture reacts to politics and vice versa. As I was watching Can’t Get You Out of My Head, I was reminded of a conversation folks on the Discord server for the Relentless Picnic podcast had had recently about the strange things Richard Dawkins posts on his Twitter account. And it led me to think: when religious “caring conservatism” was in the White House, Richard Dawkins and his New Atheism, this brash repudiation of religion and its pieties, grew as a counterweight. When Obama and his technocratic regime were in power, with social media bringing on a wave of progressivism in popular culture and algorithms presenting us a fantasy of endless choice—much of which was a thin veneer over the same old shit: banks getting bailed out, forever wars going on, productivity rising while wages stagnated—we also got Jordan Peterson-types who claimed to speak to a human need for narrative, even in this point of stability we had seemed to reach, this recovery of sanity after the chaos that was the Iraq War and the financial crisis; who claimed we needed ideas and myths to animate and drive our lives, because they sensed there was something hollow and mendacious driving all this consumer choice, for all it seemed a symbol of our freedom and progress.

Of course, both Peterson and Dawkins are provocateurs, not intellectuals; I don’t mean to dignify the movements they led much, since in both the appearance of intellectual rigor or moral clarity often covered the indulgence of the worst instincts: immaturity, obstinacy, provocation for provocation’s sake, contempt for women and trans people. The New Atheists had a point, and could be absolute assholes about it; they ultimately could be as fundamentalist and dogmatic as any religious people. As for Jordan Peterson, his actual work, in the way of so many grand theorists, uses the appearance of profundity to cover something ultimately pretty banal. And he’s most known for grandstanding in the public sphere—refusing to use people’s pronouns, the usual conservative shit. But these movements do seem to reflect a countercultural response no less than 1960s counterculture reflects a reaction to the staid culture of 1950s America and the sins it covered up.

Which leads me to the question: what was the culture’s response to Trump’s administration? Maybe QAnon and Russiagate, as conspiracies—that is, actual narratives people inhabit to explain the world’s evils, and not just a vague need for them that they satisfied with Jordan Peterson’s light form of Stoicism or his theories of Light and Dark or whatever the fuck. And in that way, perhaps, once a countercultural movement—namely nationalism and Trumpian populism—actually seemed to have overthrown a regime, of Obama-era liberal technocratic management, culture and politics came to mirror each other, rather than standing in opposition to each other. Both became equally conspiratorial and unhinged; in fact, they merged. All the ruling myths and conspiracies mutate in kind these days: Trump’s garbage about draining the swamp, a cover for Trump and his family enriching themselves and Stephen Miller’s like getting to fashion the state they wanted, becomes QAnon’s garbage about rings of child trafficking and pedophilia and Trump, of all people, being their savior—all while actual trafficking and abuse perpetuated by Jeffrey Epstein and his ilk goes unpunished, Epstein’s death swallowed up by the state without a sound—becomes the liberal pundit class’s screaming about Russia: connections between Trump and Putin that were always conjectural to me, because no one who pled them seemed to feel much need to substantiate them.

Here again I feel like what were once centrifugal forces in our culture—between mainstream and the independent media, for example; between people in power and their critics, either in the media or at society’s margins—have collapsed into a single morass. We’re all in hell and there’s no way out.

In all this, what does Biden’s administration represent? Little more than an interregnum, to my mind. How disappointing to see not even a gesture toward forgiving student debt or raising the minimum wage in these first 100 days of his presidency. There’s been some progress in climate legislation, and progress in putting Stephen Miller’s deportation machine to a halt (though they’re also reopening several emergency shelters to accommodate more minors already being held past the mandated limits for keeping them in the custody of the Department of Health and Human Services’s Office of Refugee Resettlement). But there’s also been such triangulation on policy by the administration and its supporters and such complacency on the part of the media covering the administration, refusing to call them out on or even cover this. And how can the average voter respond but with resignation?

Ever since I read Thomas Mann’s Doctor Faustus near the start of lockdown, absorbing the picture of the world pre-World War II that’s presented in that book, I’ve thought we’re in the same sort of moment that Mann’s protagonist Zeitblom was in. There’s a crisis that’s passing over this whole planet like a wave or a seismic event, and no human intervention can interrupt it. We can only wait for it to pass—holding on to whatever’s to hand, waiting to see what the world will look like when it’s over.