#that represents trauma and the ways it never leaves you or truly ends would fit Anthony's writing style so well and HERE WE ARE

[urproblematicfav-arsonk]

Anthony helped write Fionna and Cake?????????? Oh my god????

[aspoonofsugar]

Emerald + Mercury = Cinder

BEGINNING OF THE END = MIDNIGHT

The episodes Beginning of the End and Midnight can be seen as complementary.

Both share a similar structure with the first part telling Cinder’s story and the second part showing how past events are influencing the present. At the same time, they show the links among Cinder, Emerald and Mercury and explore their changing dynamic.

In Beginning of the End it is shown how they came together and we reach the climax of their cooperation. The Fall of Beacon is when the trio is at its strongest. It is only because of their coordination and teamwork that the plan succeeds. In Midnight instead we are shown the beginning of their separation.

For different reasons (fears and wishes) both Mercury and Emerald are about to leave Cinder. Mercury already has and it is probable Emerald will soon.

The two episodes also give us two opposite and complementary visions of Cinder.

In Beginning of the End, we have the way Cinder wants to appear:

Cinder: (stepping forward slowly, glass anklet shifting with her footsteps) I've already told you. And I don't like repeating myself.

Salem: I would like to think I have shown a great deal of patience over my many years walking Remnant. But I do hate repeating myself.

Mercury: Is this how you treat a patient? (Emerald reaches over and twists the screwdriver in his leg, causing him to wince) Ah, too tight!

Cinder: Enough. Our Mercury put on a wonderful show. He was quite brave.

Salem: Do you find such malignance necessary?

Watts: I apologize, ma'am. I'm not particularly fond of failure.

Salem: Then I see no reason for your cruelty towards young Cinder. She's become our Fall Maiden, destroyed Beacon Tower, and most importantly, killed dear Ozpin. So I'm curious, to what failures are you referring?

In Midnight we see who she really is. Moreover, it becomes more and more clear that her imitation of Salem is different from the original:

Salem: I will tell you when and where you are needed.

Cinder: Both of you, get out. I’ll let you know when you’re needed next.

Mercury: Yeah about that, Salem’s got other plans for me. I’m not gonna be taking orders from you anymore.

Why is this being shown through her interactions with Emerald and Mercury? Why are they important for Cinder’s character?

First of all, Mercury and Emerald are Cinder’s kids, at least narratively speaking:

Roman: Oh, look! She sent the kids again! This is turning out just like the divorce!

Roman calls them so when they first appear and later on several characters refer to them as kids in relation to Cinder.

Raven (about Emerald and Mercury): Two children you've tricked into following you.

Tyrian: (chuckles as he slowly walks toward Emerald) Careful, little girl. Cinder isn't here to protect you anymore.

Tyrian (mocking Mercury): Oh yes, the world is mean, and I'm a big, bad man now just like the others.

Salem (to Emerald): Speak, child.

In short, they are meant to be the last link in a chain of abuse that starts with Salem, goes on with Cinder and finally arrives to them.

At the same time, as the title says Mercury + Emerald = Cinder because they are nothing more than parts of Cinder herself, both in their backgrounds and in their personalities.

CINDER + “HUNGER” = EMERALD

Cinder: Follow me, and you'll never be hungry again.

Cinder: It's... an emptiness. It burns. Like hunger. I like it.

In Beginning of the End Emerald and Cinder are shown to share a hunger motif.

Emerald is presented as a street rat who survives through stealing. She is poor and starved, so she accepts Cinder’s offer to be taken care of and to be given food. That said, it is clear that other than food what Emerald is truly starving for is love:

Emerald: I just... (sighs) Cinder was the only family I ever had. She cared about me, taught me things...

I'm the one Who rose out of filth and was loved by no-one

Similarly, Cinder too is shown to be hungry. More specifically, she is hungry for power:

Cinder: I want to be powerful.

It is meaningful that in the episode where Cinder tells Emerald she won’t have to starve anymore, she herself is starving. This contradiction conveys the tragedy of Cinder’s character aka a traumatized girl taking in a kid similar to her and becoming like her past parental figures.

As a matter of fact Emerald and Cinder’s first meeting has parallels with Cinder meeting both Madame and Rhodes.

When Cinder meets Madame she asks for food, but is negated it:

And she is later shown to have survived through leftovers.

In contrast, food is the first thing Cinder offers Emerald, who she recognizes as a girl who has survived in poverty, like her.

In their first meeting, Cinder also treats Emerald pretty much like Rhodes treated her. Both discover a young girl, who has just committed a theft and confront her. However, instead of punishing the girl, they both offer to be the girl’s mentor and become her idol.

As a matter of fact both Cinder and Emerald are shown to idolize their saviors to the point that both girls try to look like them by changing their hair/clothes:

So, it would superficially seem that Cinder is acting like Rhodes and in the opposite way of Madame. However, the reality is far more complex. Deep down, Cinder is acting like her adoptive mother because she is targeting a girl and thinking about how she can weaponize her. At the same time, there is a key difference between her behaviour and Rhodes’s. Rhodes had Cinder give the sword back, while Cinder never stopped Emerald from stealing. If anything, she encouraged her criminal activities changing her from a thief to a terrorist. In other words, Cinder radicalized Emerald.

This is once again linked to the motif of hunger both girls share:

Cinder: You Atlas elites are all the same! You think hoarding power means you'll have it forever, but it just makes the rest of us hungrier.

Cinder’s trauma is rooted in the unfairness of the world. She was made to starve simply because she was born in the wrong situation and society completely failed her.

What is more, when Rhodes refuses Cinder as well, she too refuses his vision of the world. Rhodes, pretty much like the Prince of the original fairy-tale, offers Cinder a way to social-climb. In the fairy-tale, Cinderella marries the prince and so becomes a princess in the end. Here, Rhodes is telling Cinder she can reach her own castle. Cinder can escape her misery and reach Atlas. However, this is seen as a lie by Cinder the moment he attacks her.

So, Cinder giving food to an orphan like her and trying to destroy the current order are both coherent with the idea that the world is unjust and needs to be changed. However, Cinder is using the same problems she criticizes to her advantage. What is more, she is exasperating them in order to fulfill her personal agenda, which is only about herself and her self-image.

Let’s see now, what do our two young thieves steal? What are they “hungry” for?

a) Emerald steals a ring:

Salesman: A beautiful ring... for a beautiful woman.

Interestingly, the ring itself might be a reference to the original story of Aladdin, which is apparently Emerald’s allusion.

In the original story Aladdin meets two jinns. The first one is in a ring and Aladdin uses it to save himself and to escape with the magic lamp, where a stronger jinn is. So it makes sense for Emerald to steal a ring (something she wishes) just to meet a woman that promises her she can have more (her personal jinn aka someone that can realize Emerald’s dreams).

Why does Emerald steal the ring?

It is possible she just wants to sell it in order to buy some food, but I like the idea that she steals it also because she wants some beauty (”a beautiful ring for a beautiful woman”) in the harsh and horrible world she lives in (“filth”).

b) Cinder steals a sword:

Like in Emerald’s case, the object of Cinder’s theft can be seen as part of her fairy-tale’s allusion.

As a matter of fact, in Cinder’s adaptation of Cinderella the swords are nothing, but her glass slippers.

This is made clear later on when Rhodes (both the Prince and the Fairy Godmother) gives Cinder the first sword. It is meant to be a prize on his part. He is showing Cinder she does not need to steal it anymore because she has gained it. Moreover,  weapons are said to be extensions of a person by Ruby, so it makes sense that the slipper of the original Cinderella becomes a sword in this version. It fits the personality of our Cinder, a fiery young girl, who wants to become a huntress.

Finally, since Cinder’s story uses both inversion and deconstruction when adapting the fairy-tale, it is interesting that in the end the Prince refuses to give Cinder the other sword (slipper) and Cinder takes it by force:

In this way, Cinder goes back to stealing, which was what Rhodes had originally tried to avoid.

Why does Cinder steal the sword in the first place?

She steals something to defend herself with and to hurt her tormentors. Violence is rooted in Cinder’s first theft.

In short, Emerald wants something beautiful, while Cinder wants something powerful.

This difference is coherent with their respective semblances since Emerald creates illusions, while Cinder is able to overheat objects, so that she can create explosions and manipulate their shape. Both powers are representative of their user’s flaw and coping mechanism.

Emerald is a person who has reacted to her traumatic life by chasing illusory dreams of warmth and love. She tricks others and is tricked because she refuses to dispel her self-delusions.

Cinder is instead a person, who has been molded through violence just like the glass statues in the hotel. She is forced to endure until she can’t take it anymore and she explodes:

She herself is the Glass Unicorn, which shatters like Cinder’s innocence when too much pressure is added. Not only that, but Cinder too has started molding others to her will. She has been grooming both Emerald and Mercury for her own ego. This is why the name Scorching Caress fits her so well. It is because behind every act of care it is hidden an act of manipulation. And this happens because Cinder too has been treated utilitaristically and the only kind of love she experienced (Rhodes’s) was a “weak” love Cinder ended up perceiving as fake.

In short, Emerald and Cinder have different coping mechanisms and aim for different things. However, this does not mean that one is better or worse than the other. Their main difference is that right now Emerald is more in touch with her own needs and wishes. Ironically, the delusional girl has never lost sight of what she truly wants.

Emerald wants a family. She has been looking for it in the wrong places and she has been pursuing it in the wrong ways. However, Emerald has never forgotten what she is truly after and she is starting to realize she won’t have it, until she stays on Salem’s side:

Salem: It's important not to lose sight of what drives us: Love, justice, reverence... but the moment you put your desires before my own... they will be lost to you. This isn't a threat, this is simply the truth. The path to your desires is only found... through me.

Tyrian: Shh, shh, shh, shh, shh. I want to tell you both a little secret. Your question is all wrong. (laughs)

Emerald: What?

Tyrian: "What do you want from this?" Children, please, if you're not loving what you're doing, then you're in the wrong field.

Salem promises to fulfill Emerald’s wishes, but Tyrian has already told her that pursuing a wish while working for Salem is useless. Emerald is starting to realize it and this is why she will probably leave.

Cinder has instead forgotten what she originally wanted:

Cinder: Like you? You can do whatever you want, go wherever you want.

Cinder’s original wish was to be free and also to be loved, like Emerald:

You're no good I hope you know That your life is of no use And the truth is that No one's ever loved you

However, her being failed by the adults has twisted her wish into a desire for power.

This difference is well conveyed by Cinder and Emerald’s respective line in Beginning of the End:

Cinder: Follow me, and you'll never be hungry again.

Emerald: Thank you...

Cinder: The Huntsman severed the connection before it was complete. (pause) Yes. It's... an emptiness. It burns. Like hunger. I like it. (pause) Yes. I will claim what is ours. (pause) Thank you.

Emerald thanks Cinder because she won’t have to be hungry anymore, while Cinder thanks Salem because she is able to feel a hunger she likes.

This fits well with Cinder’s last words to the Madame:

Cinder: You’re right. Without you I am nothing. But because of you, I am everything.

Emerald does not want to be hungry, while Cinder has been tricked into thinking that being hungry is the only way she can become not even “everything”, but just “something”.

CINDER + “EVERYTHING” = MERCURY

Cinder: Because of you, I am everything.

Mercury: So I got strong, but I never got it back! I've had to work harder than anyone to get where I am.

Cinder’s way of thinking is very similar to Mercury’s. Not only have they both endured their parents’ violence, but they have tried to give this violence meaning. It is because of Madame that Cinder has become “everything” and it is because of Marcus that Mercury has become “strong”. They must believe that it was not all for nothing and that the pain they felt made them stronger instead of weaker.

This is why Cinder thinks that deep down her “hunger” is good. It is because it drives her, but she ignores that it blinds her too.

This is why Mercury keeps going back to his father:

Mercury: Bad hair, used a scythe, and smelled like my dad after a long day. It was him.

Mercury: My dad always said... "if you need to know a city, ask the rats."

He mentions Marcus here and there and uses his teachings to solve problems. That is because those teachings must have some value, right? If they don’t, then Mercury’s life means nothing.

The nature of Cinder and Mercury’s foiling is clear in their first meeting:

Like in Emerald’s case, Cinder finding Mercury calls back a moment of her past.

In particular, it parallels the murder of her adoptive family and Rhodes discovering it. Mercury, just like young Cinder, has just killed an abusive parent and is confronted by a person after the fact.

Once again, Cinder seems to act differently from the adults that let her down. Rhodes was horrified and attacked her, while Cinder praises Mercury and has him join her group.

However, she is deep down acting as Rhodes did. As a matter of fact what truly hurt Cinder about Rhodes’s reaction is that he convinced her that she is irredeemable.

The whole scene plays with the Cinderella’s allusion and inverts it:

The clock strikes midnight and just like in the fairy-tale, the magic is over. In Cinderella, the protagonist goes back to her true self and runs away not to be seen. However, in the end, the prince recognizes her through her slipper (a symbol of her innate beauty and kindness) and marries her despite her humble condition.

In Cinder’s story, midnight is when she reveals a part of herself to Rhodes. She shows all the anger and violence she has been repressing. Cinder is not a “good victim” like the Cinderella of the fairy-tale and Rhodes can’t accept it. Not only that, but he negates Cinder’s dream to be free:

Rhodes: You can run, but you’re going to be running for the rest of your life.

Cinder: I won’t have to run now.

Rhodes: That’s all you’ll ever do.

This shatters Cinder’s hopes and self-perception. She internalizes that she will have to live in opposition to society because she is somehow “a bad person”. She is not a huntress (a princess), but a nobody who’ll have to use violence to survive. And she starts doing it immediately. As the song that starts playing implies, she has been awaken from the “fragile lies in bones”. However, this “truth has broken her soul in two”. This wound is still there and it has influenced, among other things, her reaction to Mercury.

When Cinder meets Mercury, she associates him to his father three times:

Cinder:  And you're his son. We saw your fight from the treeline. He's taught you well.

Mercury: Guess so.

Cinder: What's your name?

Mercury: Mercury.

Cinder: Mercury... Tell me, are you anything like your father?

In this way, she strengthens the connection Mercury tried to cut by killing Marcus. She is indirectly convincing him that he can’t be different from his father:

Tyrian: All you ever learned was pain and violence, and now you're too afraid to leave it. Such a tragedy.

Tyrian spells it out clearly for both Mercury and the audience. The only reason Mercury joined Cinder and is now working for Salem is that he is scared. Not only is he scared for his own survival, but he is scared about failing to be anything else than what his father taught him.

Cinder is deep down scared too by Salem and her group:

However, she too, like Mercury, has given up on being anything different than a criminal. She puts up a strong demeanor, but is actually really frail. She is like glass that has been bended through heat (violence) and can easily shatter.

Both Mercury and Cinder are two violent victims. This duality is kind of conveyed also through their names and colors.

“Cinder” is something that has only partially burnt. They tried to reduce her to ashes, but failed and a part of Cinder is still burning. This is why her main colors are black and red. She is black because she was burnt. She is red because she can burn. She was both hurt and has hurted others.

Similarly, “mercury” is a silver/gray metal and this is Mercury’s main color. This choice gains a possible deeper meaning when one considers that his aura is white and that his surname is Black. His aura can be seen as Mercury’s nature, while the surname “Black” is a symbol of the “nurture” he received. Mixing these two factors made so that Mercury turned out like he is (a gray character).

So, Cinder and Mercury have been shaped by their abuse and this is clearly visible on their bodies as well:

Cinder keeps the scar on her neck hidden, while Mercury has chosen to weaponize his missing legs.

It is telling that Mercury made of his own mechanical legs his weapon and that he mostly uses kicks to fight. It is another detail that shows how he is reducing both himself and his trauma to weapons he can use.

Cinder too shows how frail her sense of self is through weapons. It is not by chance that her current weapons are made of glass. In her backstory her swords were a symbol of her true self and of who she could become. Right now, they are nothing, but glass imitations of that ideal.

In short, Cinder and Mercury are both victims and murderers and they needed to have both sides of themselves accepted by their mentors.

However, Rhodes and Cinder failed to do so. They both refused the victimhood of the child in front of them, but they did so in opposite ways.

On one hand Rhodes refused Cinder’s violence and its reasons. He ignored his feelings of affection for the girl and steeled himself, so that he could fight her.

On the other hand Cinder gladly accepted Mercury’s violence and groomed him (Scorching caress), so that he would completely embrace it too.

The difference between Rhodes and Cinder lies in them having different reactions to the violence perpetrated by a child. However, they both fail to address the child’s pain. Rhodes does so because his vision is too black and white. Cinder does so because she is not even able to address her own pain.

However, both Cinder and Mercury need to address their own victimhood. Still, they refuse to do so because it would mean to accept their vulnerability. It is easier to convince themselves that they are the strong and violent ones. They are the ones others are scared of:

Mercury: We're the guys you should be afraid of.

But it is precisely because of this refusal that they are currently caught in dynamics similar to the ones they escaped:

Salem and Tyrian are nothing, but more dangerous versions of Madame and Marcus.

Salem treats Cinder as a pawn, rather than a person. She strips her of her personhood and agency and punishes her violently.

Tyrian is a killer, who enjoys his job like Marcus. He keeps invading Mercury’s personal space and threathens him. Moreover, his own semblance is similar to Marcus’s. It might not steal people’s semblances, but it still messes with their auras (with their very souls).

Cinder and Mercury struggle to recognize their own situations because to do so they must accept they are still stuck in their horrible childhoods:

Mercury: You may not like it here without Cinder, but I think I'm right where I'm supposed to be!

Cinder: I don’t serve anyone. And you wouldn’t either, if you were built that way.

However, this refusal is confusing them about what their true needs and wishes are:

Cinder: I want to be strong. I want to be feared. I want to be powerful.

Mercury: So what's in it for me?

In Beginning of the End both characters receive a line where they express some kind of wish.

As stated above, Cinder’s wish is not her original one, but a twisted version because she thinks she can’t reach her true desire.

When it comes to Mercury, he is not even sure of what he really wants. This is made clear even later on:

Emerald: I mean, there has to be something you want from this, right?

Mercury: Salem's promised us everything. We win this thing for her, we'll be top dogs in her new world. What more do you want?

He says Salem will give him all he wants, but he still fails to answer Emerald’s question. What is it that he wants?

He wants “everything” Cinder can offer him and later on “everything” Salem offers him. However, this is just another way to say he’ll take anything he is given, be it even something as basic as survival:

Mercury: Look, even if what he said was true, we can’t stop Salem. You told me yourself, Hazel tried. He failed and he got in line. Big guy’s not going to pick fights he can’t win, and neither should we.

This is because Mercury is so scared and hurt he can’t even start to think about what he wants.

Similarly, he goes back to a fatalistic vision of the world:

Mercury: Just made sense.

Emerald: It made sense?

Mercury: All my life, my father trained me to be a killer, an assassin like him. And then moments after I killed him, you two showed up looking for someone with my exact skills. Just felt like it was meant to be.

Let’s highlight that Cinder does the same:

Pyrrha: Do you believe in destiny?

Cinder: Yes.

Cinder: You know, Neo, someone once asked me if I believed in destiny. And I'm happy to say I still do.

Both Mercury and Cinder have convinced themselves that there is a “destiny” written for them and that they must play that role (the role of an assassin, the role of the Maiden). However, in this way they are just chaining themselves and accepting to Do As They Are Told by adults and mentor figures, who do not really care about them.

EMERALD + MERCURY = SOUL + BODY

I'm the one That was born in a nightmare a murderer's son Got no gun But I gleam like a blade and I'm harder than iron I'm the one Who rose out of filth and was loved by no-one Delusion I'll steal til your blind and defeat you from inside your mind

I'm the one That was ripped from the earth and exposed to the sun Overrun By the hate and the beatings defiled by a father I'm the one I'll race with your eyes and you'll never outrun Illusions Will conquer your mind and will make you fulfill my design

Mercury and Emerald’s song says several things about them.

First of all, it conveys the idea of two kids that feel let down by the world and have decided to retaliate. They mock their opponents and praise their respective abilities. However, it is clear from the verses above that it is just a mask to hide their pain.

This fits with them appearing for the first time in Best Day Ever where Ozpin says this:

Ozpin: And they will be, but right now they're still children. So why not let them play the part? After all, it isn't a role they'll have forever.

Differently from out protagonists (at the time), Emerald and Mercury are not playing the part of kids, but they are acting as big bad thugs to prove themselves to the people around them.

Secondly, the song is useful to explore Emerald and Mercury’s foiling.

a)

I'm the one Who rose out of filth and was loved by no-one Delusion I'll steal til your blind and defeat you from inside your mind

I'm the one That was ripped from the earth and exposed to the sun Overrun By the hate and the beatings defiled by a father

Emerald was never given love, while Mercury was given hate:

Mercury: I'm sorry you didn't have a mommy that loved you, but I had a father who hated me!

This difference is at the root of their different personalities.

On one hand Emerald attaches herself to the care Cinder gives her and takes it as the most love she’ll ever receive.

On the other hand Mercury is just content with not receiving hate and violence from the people around him.

Emerald is more open about her connections with others, while Mercury is more disillusioned. She is strongly driven by them, while Mercury is too scared to fully embrace them.

Emerald has clear wishes, but she is deluding herself about them. Mercury has fears that do not let him realize what he wants.

This difference stems from the different nature of their traumas. Who was never given anything accepts whatever they are offered, while who received pain thinks even nothing is better than more pain.

Still, we are currently seeing an inversion of this dynamic. Emerald’s wishes and their not overlapping with reality are making her doubtful. Mercury’s fear and survival instinct are making him refuse the truth:

Mercury: And all of this is pointless, anyway. Salem’s not ending the world.

In the end, facing one’s own feelings, being them wishes:

Or fears:

Is still better than repressing them, even if it might be painful.

b)

I'm the one That was born in a nightmare a murderer's son Got no gun But I gleam like a blade and I'm harder than iron

I'm the one I'll race with your eyes and you'll never outrun Illusions Will conquer your mind and will make you fulfill my design

The song I’m the One has four key verses. In the first two ones both characters tell a little of their past and then discuss their abilities, while in the other two Mercury mostly talks about his past and emphasizes it, while Emerald highlights her semblance more.

This ends up foreshadowing the importance of Emerald’s semblance and Mercury’s lack of one (”got no gun”).

Emerald’s semblance is important on different levels. As stated above, it perfectly embodies Emerald’s flaw:

Mercury: You're in denial.

And it is linked to unconscious aspects, like wishes and fears. Finally, it is a semblance linked to trickery and lies and these are among the causes of The Fall of Beacon:

Cinder:  Our Kingdoms are on the brink of war, yet we, the citizens, are left in the dark.

It is not by chance that this semblance specifically has been so instrumental in Cinder’s plan, after all.

Similarly, Mercury’s lack of a semblance is one of his defining traits:

Mercury: He never went easy on me! Every day of training was a beating. And when I unlocked my Semblance, he stole it with his!

Ironically, this would make for an excellent narrative objective for Mercury’s character. However, he is so sure his semblance can’t be taken back that he has completely given up on it. This even if he is clearly bitter about having had a part of himself stolen.

The key aspect here may be that Mercury has failed to get his semblance back through his father’s teachings:

Mercury: He told me I could have it back when I was strong. So I got strong, but I never got it back!

And he is now considering it lost forever. It is possible that the path to find his ability again is instead another one altogether.

That said, while Cinder mostly used Emerald’s semblance in her plan, she also made great use of Mercury’s skill and of the peculiar nature of his body:

The first step in her plan, after all, uses both Emerald’s semblance and Mercury’s prostethic legs to spread negative emotions. This tendency continues in PvP where Emerald uses her semblance and Mercury, unhurt because of his legs, prevents Ruby from interrupting the fight.

In short, Emerald mostly relies on her semblance, while Mercury mostly relies on his legs and fighting prowess.

This detail adds to the idea that Emerald and Mercury have been acting as a unit and have been complementing each other. Emerald acts as the “soul” and Mercury as the “body”.

The soul is one’s personal essence (like the semblance). It is where (once again) wishes reside. The body is what protects the soul and is animated by instincts and self-survival.

They complement each other. This complementarity is shown in Emerald and Mercury’s fights.

In the Vytal festival, Mercury takes on both Coco and Yatsuhashi for a short while, so that Emerald can size her chance to fight Coco at her own terms (and she wins by using her semblance).

In the Battle of Heaven, Emerald uses her semblance to help Mercury fight and, in a sense, she compensates for his lack of one:

This perfect complementarity used to make them strong, but right now it is clear that it has become limitating:

Blake: When you’ve been at someone’s side for so long, after a while they become a part of you. But that’s just it, they’re only a part of you. Don’t forget about the rest.

 This is why they are currently being separated by the narrative.

On one hand Emerald must learn not to be so emotionally dependant from others and must make her own choices. This is also why her using the lamp might be meaningful:

Qrow: This last great creation would be given the power to both create and destroy. It would be given the gift of knowledge, so that it could learn about itself and the world around it. And most importantly, it would be given the power to choose, to have free will to take everything it had learned and decide which path to follow - the path of light or the path of darkness.

The whole point of the relics (and of the journey we are going through) is to learn about the world, about creation and destruction, so that in the end a choice can be made.

This is why the first relic we saw is the relic of knowledge. Now, Emerald is a character that has been dependant on others, so that she could realize her wishes. Aladdin itself is a story about a character depending on a Jinn to make his dreams come true. However, it is possible Emerald’s arc will be different and it will be about gaining the knowledge to act and realize one’s wishes.

On the other hand Mercury must face himself and learn what he really wants. He must start living instead of simply surviving. In a sense, he must take the soul his father stole back.

Mercury quoting Marcus: "This is a crutch!" "This makes you weak!"

Marcus was wrong. One’s individuality (semblance) does not make them weak. If anything, Marcus’s abuse of Mercury made him need a literal crutch (since he lost his legs) and the boy is still hiding behind this violence to avoid any real choice about himself. This is what prevents him from becoming strong:

Yang: You might be powerful, but that doesn't make you strong.

Raven: Who do you think you are, lecturing me?! Standing there, shaking like a scared little girl?!

Yang: Yeah, I'm scared. But I'm still standing here!

His connection with Emerald might still play a role in this. After all, Mercury is, among other things, the god of thieves and this allusion has been played with by making him protective of Emerald (whose surname means “thief”). It might be used in a deeper and more meaningful way later on.

Emerald and Mercury must grow because if they don’t, they’ll end up as their dark foils:

Both Hazel and Emerald ended up joining Salem out of a feeling of love that was twisted. Emerald joined Salem because of her loyalty to Cinder, who is using her. Hazel joined Salem because of the death of his sister that he blames on Ozpin. Their semblances are even symbolic of their respective flaws since Emerald is caught up in her own delusions, while Hazel is unable to properly grieve, so he can’t “feel pain” on more than just the physical level.

Both Mercury and Tyrian are assassins and Tyrian is who Mercury might become if he truly chooses to live only to kill and does not find a different goal.

It is also telling that both Emerald and Mercury are currently put in similar circumstances as their two foils. As a matter of fact Mercury is leaving with Tytian, while Emerald and Hazel have been given the password to use the lamp and must choose what to make of this information.

At the same time, Emerald and Mercury have also some traits of respectively Tyrian and Hazel as well.

Emerald is fiercely loyal to Cinder like Tyrian is to Salem:

Tyrian: So devoted to someone so incompetent.

Hazel wanted to protect Gretchen (and is still acting on these unfulfilled feelings of protectiveness) like Mercury is trying to protect Emerald. Moreover, Gretchen and (probably) Emerald’s choice was/will be to fight an enemy that can’t be beaten, going against Hazel and Mercury’s wishes.

All in all, Emerald and Mercury have had interesting interactions with both Hazel and Tyrian that can be (ironically) seen as two incomplete and flawed mentor figures.

On one hand Hazel has been acting as a protector of sorts. He carried Emerald when she lost consciousness after the Battle of Heaven and he tried to protect both Emerald and Mercury from Salem’s rage after their failure.

On the other hand Tyrian is seen tormenting the two kids whenever he gets the chance. That said, he ironically ends up spelling out for them truths the two must face:

Tyrian: Do what makes you happy children... please? I'm begging you...

Tyrian: Of course she is! You’re surprised? Salem is destruction incarnate! Our mistress wishes to see the end of it all! There is no ideal more beautiful.

In short, some kind of interesting foiling seems to have been set-up for the four of them and it will be interesting to see if/how it develops.

MIDNIGHT = BEGINNING OF THE END

In a sense, when the clock stroke midnight it was the beginning of Cinder’s end because she entered a spiral she has not been able to stop since then. Not only that, but she has dragged other people in that same spirals and those people are now struggling against it, just like her.

At the same time, midnight signals the end of illusions and that may be a fitting description for where we are in the story so far.

Ruby has just announced the existence of Salem to the world, Emerald is uncovering several truths about Salem, Cinder and herself and the Ace Ops are being forced to face their emotions. Of course, when some illusions end, new ones appear. However, it is clear we are in a pivotal moment, which will hopefully lead to some changes.

Similarly, Cinder, Mercury and Emerald will probably go their own ways soon and it will be interesting to see how their paths will foil and where they will meet again.

As for now, it seems that because of Emerald’s allusion to Aladdin, she might use the last question to Jinn. If so, she will probably aquire knowledge and wisdom (emeralds are the stones of wisdom apparently).

Mercury will probably spiral a little bit as for now, but I wonder if he will receive some pivotal focus in the Vacuo’s volumes. Other than him going there with Tyrian, there is also the fact that it would make what is currently just a juxtaposition with Penny (thank you, @hamliet​ for noticing) a more interesting foiling.

Penny is an artificial human, a creation who was given life because her father loved her so much that he sacrificed a part of his aura for her... twice. She is at the centre of the theme of creation and it represents the good sides of it. She is a creation with a soul, a child, the fruit of parental love. It is because of the love she received that she is willing to protect creation:

Penny: That is not… I choose to fight for people who care about me.

Penny’s arc is about self-actualization. She struggles to be her own person outside her role, her purpose and even her parent. However, even if she has been objectified and keeps being objectified, she has also been given affection and this is why she fights.

Mercury is her opposite. He was the target of his father’s violence. Marcus not only stole his legs (while Pietro built Penny a body), but even a part of his soul (while Pietro gave Penny a part of his). He taught Mercury hate and violence and this is why he is currently helping a witch to destroy the world. Because of this, it would be interesting for such a character to receive focus on the volumes about destruction.

Finally, Cinder, as the Fall Maiden, is linked to the theme of choice. This has already been explored a little bit in her being obessed by destiny, as said above. However, the theme of choice is one which must still be fully explored.

In particular, there are several references to choice and destiny when it comes to Cinder’s foil aka Pyrrha:

Cinder (about Pyrrha): Hmm... People assume that she's fated for victory, when she's really taking fate into her own hands.

Cinder: It's unfortunate you were promised a power that was never truly yours.

Pyrrha: When I think of destiny, I don't think of a predetermined fate you can't escape. But rather... some sort of final goal, something you work towards your entire life.

Red-Haired Woman: She understood that she had a responsibility... to try. I don't think she would regret her choice, because a Huntress would understand that there really wasn't a choice to make. And a Huntress is what she always wanted to be.

Pyrrha’s arc is about making a choice. She must choose if she wants to become a Maiden. She struggles, but in the end she accepts this responsibilty. She embraces her idea of destiny and tries to be a Maiden even without powers.

Cinder’s idea of destiny is not fully explored. In a sense, just like Pyrrha, she has taken destiny in her own hands. However, she also seems to use the idea of destiny to nurture her self-image as the Chosen One and as the Worthy One.

At the same time, Pyrrha’s choice led to her tragic death. Not only that, but in the end her death accomplished little. Even Ruby activating her silver eyes has more to do with her wish to protect life, rather than with death. Why is that so? It is probably because Pyrrha’s choice was made without knowledge. She had been explained only a fragment of the truth, while the whole point is that one should learn, meet creation and destruction and then make a choice. This is why we have yet to meet the relic of choice.

My guess is that the theme of choice will mostly be explored through Cinder’s character, who will be asked to choose her destiny in the end.

[ratingtheframe]

10 Films to watch this Valentine’s Day if you’re single as hell.

If anyone or anything is making you feel worthless on the Capitalist Holiday that is Valentine’s Day because you’re single AF, then don’t fret because it means one of two things;

You’re happy enough with yourself to not need anyone else.

You’re allergic to people.

Though mine is both the former and the latter, I can still get down to a good romance movie now and again. Now I’m not talking about those horrendous rom coms that Netflix seems to be churning out every damn minute, but those emotionally invested, earthy and well written dramas that has you ugly crying into your bathrobe for 17 minutes straight (me at the end of Her.). Here is a compiled list of some of the best romance films I’ve seen over the years and how each one doesn’t showcase an abundance of clichés and brands them as “acts of love”.

A Star is Born (2018 or 1953, take your pick)

I’ve found that both the 1953 version of A Star is Born with Judy Garland and the 2018 newer version to be a perfect and well rounded love story. What makes this love story so fierce is the vulnerabilities and downfall of its characters, which even though there are many sad moments, it perpetuates and strengthens the acts of love shown in the film. Both versions are similar in that they follow a woman who’s rise to fame as a performer becomes overshadowed by her jealous partner, who is also a notable celebrity. In the 2018 version starring Lady Gaga and Bradley Cooper, Gaga’s character Ally is helped by a country singer, Jackson Maine to become a successful singer and icon amongst the music industry. As she rises, Jackson falls and the character dynamics and intensity between them is a fitting love story. I was thoroughly bawling at the end and I guarantee you will too as Lady Gaga’s rendition of Love Again was the true scene stealer of the film. 

Call me by your name (2017)

I have an incredible bias towards this film and it has nothing to do with the film’s context or characters or even Timothée Chalamet The reason why I feel so connected to this film and proclaim it as my favourite film of all time is because of when I watched the film. It’s almost like seeing a film about a political event right after it's happened; you have this rush and connection towards something that’s actually affected you in the real world. I had the same feeling with Call me by your name after going through a rough and confusing patch whilst trying to get over someone I thought I truly loved. Turns out I didn’t (thank god) and yet Call me your name was almost like a shoulder to cry on. It’s a film that’s taught me to love and love hard but most importantly, not beat yourself up or try to distinguish the pain felt by true love. If you haven’t been fortunate to catch this beauty of a film, it follows two men, Elio (Timothée Chalamet) and Oliver (Armie Hammer) and their brief relationship in the summer of 1983 in Northern Italy. 17 year old Elio lives with his parents and his father (Michael Stuhlbarg) is a scholar who invites students from outside the country for the summer in hope of passing on his wisdom to them. This is when Oliver arrives, a handsome twenty something American who becomes the infatuation of Elio. 

I’ll never forget the first time I heard the monologue that Elio’s father gave his son at the end, explaining to Elio why he shouldn’t feel embarrassed by the pain he felt after loving Oliver:

“We rip out so much of ourselves to be cured of things faster, that we go bankrupt by the age of thirty and have less to offer each time we start with someone new. But to make yourself feel nothing so as not to feel anything - what a waste”

That, ladies and gentlemen and all in between, is what love is.

Her. (2013)

Once again, another film about love that had a profound effect on me because of when I watched it. Her. follows the story of Theodore (Joaquin Phoenix) and his search for a story using an A.I to help him write. However, after getting to know this A.I named Samantha (Scarlett Johansson) and hearing the way she adapts and shows emotions, he soon falls in love with it. Some may deem this as rather sad (which it is) but I think it speaks to bigger constructs like internet dating and letting go of people you loved thus diminishing the fantasy and world you created for the two of you. This part of the film got to me a stark way as I felt the pain of letting go of not only a person, but a fantasy, just like Theodore had to do in letting his past partners go. Her. is truly beautiful, with some great production design, cinematography and acting.

Portrait of a Lady on Fire (2019)

The absolute queen of love stories would be Céline Sciamma’s Portrait of a Lady on Fire, a film about the romance between two women in the late 18th Century. Definitely not a narrative you see every day or one that’s been painted in such a way (pun intended). Marianne (Noémie Merlant) is commissioned to paint the beautiful and stubborn Héloïse (Adèle Haenel) and the portrait is to be gifted to a suitor of Héloïse’s from Milan. But instead of getting the painting done and sending it off, Marianne and Héloïse unexpectedly fall for one another at a subtle and well timed pace that had me gawping at the screen the entire way through. Slow, sensual and moving is Portrait of a Lady on Fire and I would definitely say is one of the best LGBTQ plus films ever made to date.

Broke Back Mountain (2005)

Ang Lee scooped up a BAFTA, Golden Globe and Oscar for his direction on his adapted screenplay of Brokeback Mountain. Ennis Del Mar (Heath Ledger) and Jack Twist (Jake Gyllenhaal) form a romantic bond after shepherding alone together on the side of a mountain. Once their time herding sheep comes to a close and they return back to their respective lives, it's clear that their bond is stronger than they had anticipated. They live in constant fear of their relationship becoming apparent to those around them, which leaves one of them taking matters into their own hands. A controversial yet extremely successful film of its time, Brokeback Mountain does a fabulous job of showcasing the consequences and despair of love using two of Hollywood’s finest actors.

Carol (2013)

It’s difficult to fully appreciate LGBTQ plus films set in the past as they mostly focus on the persecution of homosexuals as opposed to the love they wish to express. However, this was pretty accurate of the time and it's only very recently that we have begun to accept one another’s sexualities and genders fully so much that we play these stories out on screen without the persecution part. Carol is a film directed by Todd Haynes and stars Rooney Mara and Cate Blanchett. I found them to be an extremely intense pairing whilst they unravelled as their characters on screen. Therese (Rooney Mara) works in the toy department of a department store when one day she lays eyes upon Carol Aird, a beautiful and elegant married woman who becomes the infatuation of Therese. Therese throws all caution to the wind in order to be closer to Carol and because of this and the 1950s society they live in, their relationship is doomed from the beginning. I was in complete awe of the way Carol had been shot and created into this sensual and rich drama set in the 1950s. From the costumes, to the lighting to the acting, everything about Carol held weight to it showcasing the devotion of a truly talented director.

Eternal Sunshine of a Spotless Mind (2004)

Usually I’d pass on a Charlie Kaufman film, seeing as they make no sense, however I felt that it was time I delved into this cult classic starring Kate Winslet, Jim Carrey, Kirsten Dunst, Mark Ruffalo and Elijah Wood. It’s a really well made film with a clear and distinct message to it that’s represented in some phenomenal filmmaking techniques. The plot line of this film follows a man trying to erase a past lover and his memories of her get wiped away physically before your eyes on screen. It made me wish that I could do the same with people I’ve liked in the past, but the contradictory of this would be the trauma of eventually ending up with someone you had already met in another life. I haven’t experienced a break up nor felt the pain of one, though I could judge that this film tells that experience really well.

Moonlight (2016)

Moonlight is one of few films that I would genuinely worship if it were a religion. It's also one of the films that I outwardly shame people for not having seen, as it is truly a masterpiece and film lover’s film. Deep, emotionally connected, colourful, harsh, moving and eye opening, this film takes you on an emotional rollercoaster through the eyes of Chiron and the three stages of his life that have carved out his essence as a human being. Not only that, but he falls in love with another boy at his school, and when he does, he’s hurt rather badly. Literally. Moonlight is the definition of profundity and was awarded the top prize of Best Picture at the 2017 Academy Awards. 

Loving (2016)

When I think of a truthful and honest testament of love, the film Loving comes to mind which is a fitting title for such a delicate yet strong story. The film is based on a true story of an interracial couple, Richard and Mildred (Joel Edgerton and Ruth Negga) being banned from Virginia in the 1950s for choosing to be together. If that ain’t a true sacrifice of love, then I don’t know what is. Choosing someone you love over your own home is an unfathomable thing and certainly shows the strength that this couple had in facing the judgements of others whilst remaining emotionally truthful to themselves. 

The Shape of Water (2017)

The Shape of Water is a strange yet enlightening love story between Eliza, a deaf woman (Sally Hawkins) and a creature being tested on in a laboratory. Awards season went mental for this back in 2018, winning four of the THIRTEEN Oscars it was nominated for. I would categorize it as quite the niche film and wouldn’t usually think that such a film could be garnered with Oscar success. However everyone who worked on this film really pulled out the stops in creating an entire new world and perspective that has many layers to it, as well as an abundance of conflict and dynamics for audiences to lull over. The relationship between Eliza and the feared swamp monster that’s being cruelly tested in the laboratories where she works, is heartfelt and honest, which is strange seeing as Eliza’s virtually in love with a monster. The casting in this was outlandish yet it really worked as all actors in this melded well into the story as their prospective characters. It also has one of the most touching endings to a film I’ve ever seen.

And there you have it, ten Romance films for you to enjoy this Valentine’s Day. Watch them all at once, or maybe just watch one. Whether you watch it alone or with someone, it doesn’t really matter!

Lots of love

Ang x

[syubub]

JUNGKOOK SOULMATE READING

Disclaimer: tarot is speculative and to be taken with a grain of salt.

Let's begin. The long awaited Koo reading.

To start, koos energy is a really rich, solid purple that is kinda pearlescent? It hard to explain but it kinda looks like this

So thats pretty neat. Most of the time the way I see energy it isn't ever really opaque so that was new for me. Another thing that was new for me was when I went to, essentially, connect to koos energy there was this like glass door looking thing and, it sounds nuts I know, but I left an offering of energy at the glass thing? Kinda like leaving flowers outside the door and then he removed the glass thing and connected his energy with me.

Now its even weirder because his soulmates energy was already with him so I didn't even need to connect with his energy in order to connect with the soulmate. His soulmates energy was just this white sparkly blob standing by him (I tend to see the boys when connecting with the energy because I already know what they look like) and immediately his soulmate was "chatting" with me. I was surprised so I was like, "do you have any messages that you want to say?"

SOULMATE DELIVERED.

The messages I got were

You'll see

Open your arms to love

Carry the burdens as a badge

Afraid to lose you

Cool cool cool. I think his soulmate is aware of all the upheaval that he's been doing on a soul level recently. I talked some about it in this reading x and kinda this one x I think his soulmate is being very encouraging. (Also, I think his whole upheaval really had to do with him not feeling like a person? Idk thats just the vibe in getting. Its like he needed to learn how to feel again and learn that he can have true and authentic love)

Now the open your arms to love thing is cute because I also wrote down, "He's suffered enough" and "Love is hard for him" (I swear to God I heard a tiny little "hey!" From jk in the background lol)

His soulmate is very aware of the struggles he's been through and is going through and is very understanding that he needs patience. So cute.

Keep in mind the reading hasn't even started yet. We still hanging on his little energy platform chatting and his Soulmate is like, "I don't know him" ... I didn’t even ask that yet but oki. So they don't know eachother. And again, out of nowhere his soulmate wanted me to know that their hair is blonde. Awesome. This could mean that their hair is blonde when they meet or that's just the natural color.

I was like, dude, I haven't pulled cards yet. And his soulmate was like, "no shit"... soulbae has jokes. I was like, "You're funny" and they were like, "You can write that one down too"

His soulmate and him definitely have witty banter and they tease eachother a lot.

Now, some freaky shit. I was like cool I'm gonna do the reading now, its awesome that you're connecting with me personally and it'd be great if you could just continue to help me through the reading. And they were like, "yeah no prob" and then dissolved into my energy? Idk. Wtf. His soulmate was like cool I'll help out for sure and gave me a massive direct link. That hasn't happened before. Neat.

On to the actual cards finally! So, for the cards that represent Soulbae are, kid you the fuck not, The Lovers and knight of wands rev. So. This person is very passionate and driven. A little scattered and impulsive but with the lovers card they are very sure of the choices they make. Very honest and open in communication. Also the fucking lovers card. Soulmate shit.

Now. For personality I drew 2 of swords rev. Death, hermit and knight of pentacles rev. Now. I think this person is elusive. A wrote down "no one quite knows" so I think this is the type of person that has never ending depth. They are ever changing yet always the same? They are kinda blocked off and hard to get to know. You have to earn their trust for sure. Also definitely a perfectionist. Can get bored easily too. I also got slave, knight rev and bully. This person is very strong willed and might have some past trauma that they've yet to let go of. Has probably been in some shit relationships because they tend to have "delusions" about romance (more so i get the feeling that they had high expectations that would never be able to be fulfilled? Like they have a tendency to plan everything out in their head and if it doesn't go exactly to plan then its not good enough.) This person might also be stuck, not moving forward because they have too much faith that everything is just gonna magically work out. Probably spiritual.

Onto the relationship now. We have THE LOVERS AGAIN, 9 of cups, wheel of fortune and king of wands. So much contentment. Its fucking destiny. Its the most beautiful, strong, loving and influential relationship. It is what you dream of as a kid. Theres so much honest and open communication in this relationship. UGH its so fucking good. They are in love and its fucking destiny thats divinely guided. Thank you for coming to my tedtalk.

We have the pillar of light, sisterhood of the rose and the age of light. They are going to accidently make eachother fucking woke im cackling. They help eachother become more intune with ~spiritual shit~

Now for this person's sign. Air sign with some fire. I think there might be gemini in there somewhere.

Now for career. I'm confused as fuck. Maybe a life coach? Could also be a personal trainer? This person is really successful and does whatever they feel called to do? I'm not really sure?

Now for where they're from. Oki oki oki. This person has probably moved a lot as a kid and probably enjoys travel a lot. They value the knowledge that the wold has to offer!

Message from his soulmate to him: simplify your life, you think someone is lying (they are) and time to let go. Theres something that he is holding onto (some fake friends perhaps?) That he needs to let go of. Theres also a message of slowing down and resting. Life has been busy for him and he needs to... simplify...

Now we have, balance masculine and feminine energies. Koo needs balance in his life. Him and his soulmate balance pretty well in terms of energy!

For the little homemade cards we have, serendipity and focus. This is his soulmate saying, "hey, focus on the now. Keep doing what you're doing and we'll meet when the time is right" I also made a note that they could possibly meet at a concert (I don’t think it would be a bts concert.)

For descriptors we have: older, masculine, outgoing, long hair, light hair (remember when I said blonde earlier), outgoing again. So this person has masculine features. I also made a note of dark eyes that are like, dark brown grey? And a fit and built body. Also dresses like Koo but a bit more professional or classy. Like classy emo.

Now I also pulled a fortune from my bowl of fortunes and got, "you don't get in life what you want; you get in life what you are." He needs to focus on bettering himself.

Cool cool cool. Now we have Defend to the end , the worth while. This card talks about seeing things for what they really are. Not being swayed by gilded things. Its about learning to love and choose love. Not being afraid of fear. Living your truth. To fight for love and honor and ditch the shit that isn't genuine or doesn't come from a place of love. Its about standing your ground even when its hard. Not compromising yourself.

Overall koo and his soulmate have such a cute and loving relationship. Koo has worked really hard on a soul level and physical level. He's betting himself and he's learning about genuine love. His soulmate couldn't give less shits about whether or not he's famous. His soulmate sees him for who he is, who he really truly is at his core. He doesn't need to protect or keep his walls up. He's open and honest with his soulmate and they are both focused on growing and becoming better people.

TLDR: KOO GETS ALL THE LOVE HE DESERVES

[gracerings]

here’s a list of dean's romantic relationships and my own personal opinions about them and dean's feelings toward each of his love interests (disclaimer: these are my personal opinions, which means it's fine if you disagree, we all interpret things in different ways!)

crowley: personally I think nothing would have happened between dean and crowley if dean hadn't become a demon. dean never trusted him enough to let himself go like that with him, without the filter of inibitions being taken off. I also don't think dean had romantic feelings for him. crowley definitely did and he hated it, but dean.. I think he only went for it because he was a demon, having fun with hookups and threesomes every night and crowley was there. non-demon dean developed a begrudging sympathy for crowley eventually, something that confused him and made him almost mourn him a little when he died, but. I don't think there was much more than that for dean.

benny: his relationship with benny was definitely more intense, due to the circumstances of how and where they met. their connection was born out of a trust built day after day in a constantly dangerous situation where they had to rely on each other if they wanted to survive. there was attraction there and later trust, gratitude and shared experiences, something pure but also detached from reality, much like purgatory. however, all in all, I don't believe dean loved benny. I think he cared about him and was obviously very sad to see him go, but then again I don't think he could have asked him to sacrifice himself, if he really had loved him.

cassie: I think cassie was the first person dean could see himself be happy with. their personalities seemed to fit very well with each other and I do believe dean loved her, but in the way you can love someone you've only known for a few weeks (a month?). there was very intense physical chemistry between them that was mirrored by how quickly they connected emotionally. it was very much a first love situation (I'm not counting robin in this list, but to me that was puppy love, cassie was dean's first adult love), in which every emotion is amplified and felt tenfold. if dean had got the chance to be with cassie for longer, I believe he would have come to love her in a more mature way and they might have lasted.

lisa: I think dean loved lisa and deeply cared for her, however I don't think they ever really fit. In comparison I’d say he and cassie were a lot more compatible. I think dean was drawn to lisa because she and ben represented the heterosexual ideal of the traditional nuclear family he thought he was supposed to want. aside from the fact that going to lisa at the end of swan song was basically sam's dying wish, I think in that moment in particular he was probably drawn to the comfort of a stable traditional family, after losing his own (with sam dying and cas leaving to fix the situation in heaven). overall I think dean and lisa's relationship provided comfort and a sense of belonging, but I don't believe he was ever truly happy while he was with her, partly because he was still grieving, but also because he was changing parts of himself to try and adapt to the traditional role of husband/father he was trying to fulfill.

cas: in comparison with all the other relationships listed before, dean's relationship with cas is in another league entirely. the depth and intensity of their connection and dean's feelings for him become even more obvious when you compare them to dean's other love interests. aside from the slow burn spanning 12 years, aside from the symbolism surrounding their story, at its core their relationship is one rooted in a profound bond of friendship. it's utter trust and mutual respect and love, it's devotion and shared values, it's knowing one other so well but still being able to surprise each other, it's companionship and partnership, inside jokes and found family. it's shared trauma and mirrored experiences, it's silent communication, affection and care, it's indulging but also cherishing each other's quirks and interests, it's deep mutual understanding and compatibility. it's selfless and it's genuine and it's real, the only real thing in the universe and an active act of free will. I believe dean is in love with cas, like he's never been with anyone else. there is an unconditional quality to his feelings for cas that wasn't there with any of his other relationships. It’s not something he fully understands of course and it takes him years to even start to recognize the nature of those feelings (which he then proceeds to bury as deep as possible), but dean is always choosing cas over and over. he cares for him and worries about him constantly, and even when he’s pissed at him, he actively tries to fix it and he knows he will forgive him, no questions asked. and even despite how difficult it is for dean to vocalize emotions and feelings, there are multiple times where he genuinely tries to do that for cas, because he wants him to know and he wants to share those feelings with him. he finds cas endearing, he values his advice and his opinions, he likes to make him smile and cas makes him smile too. he feels comfortable in talking about personal stuff with him even early on during their friendship and he wants cas to do the same, he’s utterly devastated when cas is gone, he wants to protect him despite cas being an actual angel of the lord. he makes him watch his favorite movies because he likes sharing things with him, he loves cas’ quirks and personality. he trusts him, he relies on him and he wants him to stay, he always wants him to stay.

[yenforfairytales]

Consider - Sam Smith’s song “Diamonds” for Silverusso

Consider me OBSESSED. I hadn't heard this song before, but it's perfect!! Thank you! Silverusso Anthem until further notice lol. Here's a YouTube link!

(x)

I got carried away again...

Have it all

Rip our memories off the wall

All the special things I bought

They mean nothing to me any more

Is that not Terry Silver? He was clearly bored with his rich, executive life in KK3. But he came alive when he started scheming and met Daniel.

(x)

I mean, he started off with his target being Mr. Miyagi but quickly became hyper fixated on Daniel. There was a shift of focus.

I have a feeling that when we see Terry again(hopefully in s4), he'll once again only feel truly alive in his interactions/manipulation with Daniel, after decades of just bland existing. In a parallel to Kreese, who credits Johnny with bringing him back to life.

And with this part:

But to you

They were everything we were

They meant more than every word

Now I know just what you love me for

We could apply this to the fake persona Terry bought to befriend Daniel, how he found Daniel's weakness that way. But the shipper in me, likes to pretend that Terry and Daniel had more interactions after the '85 All Valley. That maybe Terry tried to be involved in Daniel's life somehow, either by trying to make amends or by messing with Daniel further, and Daniel shut that shit down and Terry realized he couldn't get any form of relationship back. Cue Terry ruining Miyagi's Little Trees and Daniel getting a restraining order! Any headcanon or theory fits lol.

I am crossing my fingers that Season 4 provides more insight or flashbacks 👀

It's hard to believe Terry just walked away like nothing after Daniel beat Mike. Like he literally walks offscreen with a shocked expression on his face at the end of the movie. But what about after??

We deserve to know lmao

Anyway

The first verse is Totally Terry.

And the second verse is 100% Daniel:

Shake it off

Shake the fear of feeling lost

Always me that pays the cost

I should never trust so easily

You lied to me

Then left with my heart 'round your chest

Like??? Are you kidding me! Basically, despite Terry completely using Daniel and betraying his trust, a bond was formed. And Terry took a piece of Daniel with him. It haunts Daniel that he cared about someone that never really existed. He has trusts issues to this day, and like he tells his daughter, he lives with the fear every day.

Daniel feels like it was all his fault though. That he brought it on himself. I think when he meets Terry again, they're going to fall into their old habits. Whether Daniel realizes it or not. Terry's going to exploit that deep down Daniel does care about him. Because Daniel will still be a tangle inside of guilt, admiration, and anger.

Although, it would be fun to see Daniel doing a little exploiting of his own. Because I think deep down Terry cares about Daniel as well. I could be reaching, but they're both schemers now and it would be fun to see them play a little cat and mouse. 😘

(x)

The bridge is both of their POV:

Take all the money you want from me

Hope you become what you want to be

Show me how little you care

How little you care, how little you care

You dream of glitter and gold

My heart's already been sold

Show you how little I care

How little I care, how little I care

Possibly both of them pretending not to care. This fits better with their s4 versions. While they try to hurt and outdo the other. These two characters are actually so similar, but that's another discussion.

I still think it'd be fun to see a flashback of Terry offering to pay Daniel's way through college, or the dealership, and an argument breaking out and it ending badly. Johnny has had several flashbacks of his younger self, whether with Sid or Kreese, and if this show continues to follow its theme of balance then we are due some flashbacks with a younger Daniel. 👀

It seems like Seasons 1-3 are Johnny's trauma and possibly Seasons 4-6 will be Daniel's...

And if anyone's wondering why I think Daniel got a restraining order against Silver, it's because Daniel has never seemed afraid that Terry would pop up somewhere. Even after he saw that Kreese was back in Season 2. Like when he went to the Cobra Kai dojo at night and had that little standoff with Kreese, it didn't look like Daniel thought it was a possibility that Terry was in the building or about to pop out and scare him.

Again, I'm probably reaching lol, the answer is probably much more simple in regards to the show and its writers. And anyway, even if there was a restraining order, I'm sure Terry had that removed with his connections almost immediately. And even if he left Daniel alone that doesn't mean he hasn't been keeping tabs on him🤣🤣

(x)

I digress!!! The chorus is bittersweet:

My diamonds leave with you

You're never gonna hear my heart break

Never gonna move in dark ways

Baby, you're so cruel

My diamonds leave with you

Material love won't fool me

When you're not here I can breathe

Think I always knew

My diamonds leave with you

To me it's like, "diamonds" being the superficial go ahead and leave I don't need you, but also "diamonds" being the take my heart with you and all that implies when it's toxic.

I can definitely see this song being used for gifsets and music videos. Especially after we get some prime silverusso scenes once s4 comes out 👀🙏

It really represents both eras. And I can't wait to see how much these characters and their dynamic have changed or stayed the same when they're in the same room again.

Thank you so much! I'm deep in those feelings now

[popculturebuffet]

Amphibia: Night Drivers/Return to Wartwood Review “Many Happy Returns”

Hello you happy people. And Amphibia is back and that means my reviews are back! As for why this reviews a bit late despite it leaking, I wanted to wait for today, and long story short both focused on finishing a review that WASN’T time senstive, instead of finishing it Sunday, and overestimated how much time i’d have to do two reviews on a day that included my first covid shot, grocery shopping, helping mom clean the car, and my friend coming over to watch Judas and the Black Messiah. Excellent film by hte way, as was the Sound of Metal which we watched after. Point is I done goofed and I will try to at the very least actually get the reviews of the episodes out on the same day they come out. 

But slip up or not i’m happy to be back in the saddle, and back to Wartwood. I’m pumped for the heavier second half, with more secrets to uncover, some zelda style temple action, and some heavy drama with just a whiff of keith david, as well as to see the supporting cast from Wartwood again after far too long. So how’d the mid-season premire pair fair? Join me under the cut to find out. 

Night Drivers: I was really excited by the Road Trip idea when first announced for season 2. A chance to expand the world and get the plantars out of their comfort zone was an amazing concept and it did lead to some really great stories and interesting locales.. mixed with episodes that had interesting locations but no interesting plot or character stuff. It was a mixed bag, and disappointing after close to a year’s wait to continue the plot that it really didn’t outside of “Toadcatcher”. Anne never really dealt with her trauma and the show never dealt with hop pop’s poularity or anything else. Again there were GOOD episodes and ideas but it felt like the show stalled for a good chunk of the season till we got to Netwopia which while still having tons of slice of life stuff felt a lot fresher with it, and had a lot more fun playing with stock plots and gave us a fresh new setting to dig into. 

So I was a bit hesitant to go back to the road for an episode.. even if it was just one episode. Thankfully I was very wrong there as Night Drivers was a pretty good episode and would fit well among the best of the road trip arc like “Truck Stop Polly” “Fort in the Road” “Anne Hunter” “Toadcatcher” and “Wax Museum”.

The plot is straightforward: Sprig and Polly are excited that their almost home to wartwood and if Anne and Hop Pop drive all night they’ll be there by morning. Polly will get pillbug pancakes and Sprig will see Ivy again. This is part of a long tradtion of “skiping over the journey home because we’re tired and we wanna go home” in fiction. Jokes aside it’s a resonable device used to prevent ending fatigue and in this case to free up episodes for the second half. We already saw the journey once, we usually don’t need to see it again. To Amphibia’s credit they have valid reasons for it: The journey is LITERALLY sped up, as Hop Pop and Anne have been driving for 20 hours straight.. and their on a timer. As was established last time.. well the last time that wasn’t a spooky halloween episode, The Plantars have to get back for the harvest and really don’t have time to sightsee, while they all have to be there for whenever Marcy comes back to take Anne to the first temple. They’ve also traveled these roads before so while their going a whole other directoin, they know what perils to avoid. 

But as anyone whose taken a long cartrip can tell you, you can’t shotgun it forever and the two eventually tap out with Hop Pop telling Sprig and Polly not to night drive as it’s dangerous and blah blah blah standard parental warning that will be swiftly ignored. So once Hop Pop and Anne are conked out they swiftly ignore it after we get their dreams.. which are the best gags of the episode: Hop Pop has a dream with weird, really cool looking monsters that represent his faults, only for it to turn Lucid and him to start flying and take his shirt off and whip it around Muscle Man style. 

While Anne’s is about a yogurt world where there’s only one flavor... BLACK LICORICE. Yeah it quickly turns from Shopkins to the Lich From Adventure Time really fucking quick. 

So while Anne has a nightmare and Hop Pop becomes unto a god, Sprig and Polly drive all night, repreadtly running into a creepy hitchiker and realizing it is as dangerous as they said with bolders, even worse creatures than usual because of course theye’d be a lot of nasty things lurk in the dark why wouldn’t they on froggy death world, a nightmarish fog and nearly dying on said foggy road they took to evade the hitchiker. Naturally the scary hook handed hitchiker.. is a friendly one, simply trying to help them and saving them from going over a cliff. They do make it three miles from Wartwood and Hop Pop wakes up angry to find they disobeyed him.. but Anne gets him to back off as they clearly learned their lesson from the sleep deprviation and nearly dying, and our heroes head for home. 

Night Drivers isn’t an exceptional episode, but it is decent and still does belong with the other good road trip episodes, with some good dream sequences and a nice dynamic between Sprig and Polly. It was nice to have an episode with the two that was good unlike Quarallers Pass which made me want to run full speed into my nearest wall until I was given the sweet gift of unconciousness. While the Hook Handed man thing was a bit obvious it lead to some great gags. It’s a nice breather after the tearjerking mid-season finale and while we’ve obviously had months and a haloween episode between that, the creators rightfully realized a lot of people will be binging the series in the future. The issue I had with the first quarter of the season was it was ALL break and only a little plot progression. Here we’ve had a lot of plot progression in the last episode chronlogically, and are going to have a lot in the coming episodes with ‘After the Rain” coming next week. It’s nice to take a break and see the forest for the hook handed ghosts.

Return to Wartwood: I was excited and terrified of this one. I was excited because I missed the supporting cast from season one, mostly Ivy and Maddie, and was delighted to see them again in full. But I was also worried the show might pull out a melancholy breakup plot and having gotten attached to Ivy/Sprig and Hop Pop/Sylvia I was worried. And I was delightfully wrong as instead it’s another breather episode and an utterly fantastic one after the simply decent one above. 

Our heroes return, without being drawn by rob liefield or replaced by the Squadron Supreme first, and are happily greeted by the town. Aformentoined fears died a happy death as Sylvia squeezes Hop Pop and as for Sprig, Ivy unsuprisingly ambushes him. Everyone’s back and the Mayor, who I also badly missed is back using Toadie as a gong to get everyone back to buisness, with Swampy inviting them for a big dinner at his diner that night to celebrate and welcome them back.. and to give out their gifts. 

Sprig and Anne are equally confused while Polly and Hop Pop are sweating bullets. Turns out when they got the Fwagon they agreed to get a bunch of stuff for the town and forgot and now everyone’s on the hook for it and want to lie their butts off to solve it. In a nice show of character development, Anne has learned that the lying never solves anything “I think we’ve learned that lesson by now”. After SO many plots of the characters lying and it going terribly, it’s nice to have someone speak up. Sprig also wants to lie but only becuase he’s deeply afraid Ivy will break up with him as she wanted a Red Sun shell to go with the blue moon shell she gave him. Awwww. And oh crap. 

So our heroes head home to plan and kick Chuck out (“I grew tulips”). So they do the natural thing... and decide to summon an edltich beast from the necronomicon... which of course Maddie gave Sprig as a present (”Aww that’s nice”. Agreed Polly, agreed.). I also can’t help but love the line “We’re all cull with practicing the dark arts to solve our problem right?” So our heroes get the proper summoning horn, thing to go with the horn and some candles.. i’ts not part of the ritual but Anne says it helps with ambience and it’s right. 

So our heroes summon the Chikalisk, an edltich god that’s naturally basalisk in all but name, which dosen’t attack unless attacked and goes after gold. So they fake some golden presents, and the beast attacks at the party.. but the town naturally fights back, and our heroes are forced to help fight the monster as it stonifies people. So we get a truly glorious battle sequences as the whole town shows off how badass they are, with Maddie curing people, Sylvia showing she can keep up with Hop Pop and Ivy showing her already established badass bonafieds. It’s just awesome. Also the Mayor uses Toadie as a shield not realizing he’s turned to stone which can only remind me of this. 

Once the townsfolk are freed they get into Chickalisk formation (”We have a formation for that?” “We have a formation for everything!”) And it’s offended enough to just nope out. The townsfolk are depressed though the presents got destroyed and Anne glares the family into coming clean. And while the mayor seems mad at first... he just laughs with everyone taking it in stride: It was boring without them getting into trouble and learning lessons every week, and they missed them.  Ivy likewise dosen’t care about a gift she just missed her boyfriend.. and asks Sprig to take her on a proper date and smooches him on the cheek leaving both him and Anne catatonic, with Polly dragging Anne away and sprig just falling over before Maddie hits him with the potion. It dosen’t work that way, end episode. 

Return To Wartwood was a standout episode, with tons of great jokes, pacing and a nice plot that showed growth in anne. While Night Drivers was decent, this was the show at it’s : Sweet, deranged and adventurous all in one episode. While Night Drivers was a good appitizer this was one hell of an entree. Or an appetizer sampler which I often use as an entree. Great episode and a nice high note to start on. 

Next Time: We get an Ivy focused episode!

And Hop Pop is finally forced to own up to his lies!

As the twin kermits sooth you if you liked this review, follow me for more, check the amphibia tag for more reviews from this season and join me on patreon. If I get another patreon, i’ll add reviewing season 1 to my 25 dollar stretch goal so look out for that and my next one at 20 dollars, only 5 dollars away, nets a monthly review of a darkwing duck episode. Check it out and i’ll see you at the next rainbow. 

[kiranxrys]

hmm... ds9 characters by which kate bush song i think they are:

julian - the man with the child in his eyes

kira - hounds of love

jadzia - jig of life

ezri - cloudbusting

garak - waking the witch

sisko - hello earth

miles - this woman’s work

worf - army dreamers

nog - running up that hill

jake - breathing

odo - suspended in gaffa

quark - wuthering heights

and actually you know what not that anyone cares but over 1000 words of ridiculous over-analyzing explanations under the cut bc i feel like it

julian - the man with the child in his eyes

bush wrote the song about a man in whom a younger protagonist notices a youthful quality, a sort of childlike awe for the world. this really speaks to me about julian’s character, who seems to repress this side of himself throughout the show in order to earn the respect of others. to me he really is “the man with the child in his eyes”. it’s also a very sweet and loving song that reflects the way i feel about his character. 

kira - hounds of love

hounds of love definitely has a more romantic leaning, filled with a girl’s story from uncertainty about love to embracing it joyfully. analyzing this from kira’s perspective, though, to me this might be more of a story about her uncertainty with vulnerability, “what was following [her]” that she was “hiding from” being her trauma and her past. the song is upbeat and gives the sense of entering a new, exciting world filled with possibility. that’s kira’s path of recovery starting from the beginning of the story to me. particularly bush’s final cries of “i need love” ring true for me for kira. she is entirely mature and strong and experienced at the start of ds9. her journey is about learning to let go.

jadzia - jig of life

jadzia’s bush song being jig of life is a bit ironic, in a sense, as jig of life is about survival. jig of life is about fighting to let your future self live even when the present seems hopeless. maybe that’s what makes it so powerful to me as a song for jadzia. the song describes the future life and children she never got to have (or maybe did, depending on your AU ideas). the desperate cry of jig of life’s protagonist’s future self “never, never, never, never, never let me go! [...] let me live!”, as well as the song’s exploration of time and different versions of oneself really speaks to me for jadzia’s character. 

ezri - cloudbusting

what initially drew me to this song in ezri’s regard was its strange optimism given the subject matter. without getting into the historical specifics, bush wrote the song from the perspective of the son of a psychoanalyst, exploring the memories of his eccentric and troubled father. looking more closely, i would say the concept of having someone else “here in my head” connects to her struggles with becoming joined to the dax symbiot. i like the idea how “everytime it rains” (every time things get dark) that voice is there for her “like the sun coming out”. the declaration “i just know that something good is going to happen” rings true for me for ezri. 

garak - waking the witch

waking the witch is one of bush’s weirder songs, it’s very disjointed and confused in a striking kind of way, a stage in bush’s story of a girl drowning and lost at sea. the protagonist in waking the witch is this girl who, in a strange hallucination, finds herself on trial for witchcraft. the song deals with guilt and innocence as a threatening, demonic voice presses the protagonist for a confession. several key emotions connect this song with garak for me - guilt, paranoia, fear, hopelessness as she finds “a stone around [her] leg” that drags her down. “i question your innocence”, the voice tells her. “guilty, guilty, guilty!” declare the court. “well, are you responsible for your actions?” the voice asks. meanwhile the protagonist pleads (“bless me father for i have sinned” - perhaps a connection to tain, “help me, help me baby, talk to me, talk to me, please talk to me” - this terrified desperation reminds me of garak in his darkest moments). waking the witch to me represents garak’s inner turmoil and sense of guilt.

sisko - hello earth

oof, hello earth. this song is a true masterpiece. like waking the witch and jig of life, it’s a part of the story of the drowning girl. hello earth is towards the end of the story, as she struggles to survive. the awe for the world and the sense of detachment between the protagonist and her physical universe in the song reminds me of sisko’s connection to the prophets. he “[watches] storms start to form over” his country (in this case, ds9, bajor, the alpha quadrant) but “can’t do anything, just watch them swing with the wind out to sea”. when voices demand of the protagonist to “get out of the waves, get out of the water”, to me that is benjamin’s loved ones pleading with him  to return from the figurative world of the prophets. “murderer! murderer of calm!” voices accuse. i interpret this as sisko’s guilt over the regrettable things he has had do over the years, such as the events of in the pale moonlight. the song ends with a phrase, spoken by bush in german - “deeper, deeper, somewhere in the depth there is light”. sisko has this determined optimism, this conviction in what he stands for and what he can achieve. 

miles - this woman’s work

this woman’s work is a song in which a husband fears for his wife as she gives birth to their baby, looking back on their time together and finding regret. you can see the connection here. but while the idea of “i know you have a little life in you yet, i know you have a lot of strength left” can be read as being directed at keiko, i think it can also apply to miles himself. it may be a bit of a joke, but christ, miles has gone through the most - ‘hard time’, especially, comes to mind. even before the dominion war, he’s been through horrific conflict, but he still holds on and keeps fighting with his determined attitude. he’s a repressed person. “[he] should be crying but [he] just can’t let it show”. he’s still clinging to life, even after all this time. 

worf - army dreamers

army dreamers is a war song. it’s also a war song about a younger soldier, told from the perspective of his mother, who has died. she imagines what her son could’ve been, wondering what she could’ve done to save him from this fate. on one hand, this does connect for me to worf’s continuous ‘loss’ (of both people and things) throughout his time in both tng and ds9. but i think in a way worf also is, or is afraid of being, the young soldier in the story. army dreamers connects to klingon warriorship and the horrific loss of war - “oh, what a waste of all them army dreamers”. of any kate bush song, this was the one in which i felt him the most. 

nog - running up that hill

god, running up that hill. truly peak kate bush. there’s a lot here that i connect to nog. first of all, running up that hill is a song that carries so much weight, seems to touch upon themes of great burdens and struggles, something nog certainly experiences. but bush’s intended meaning with the song was a reflection upon how people from different groups (here men and women) struggle to understand each other, and if only they could “get [god] to swap [their] places”. this speaks to me of nog’s experience as a ferengi, the first ferengi in starfleet. if only those around him could understand him better - this goes both for being ferengi and for being traumatized - he would be running up that hill “with no problems”. 

jake - breathing

breathing is one of my favourite bush songs of all time. it’s a true masterpiece. here she takes on the persona of a baby in its mother’s womb, aware of a world outside that has descended into nuclear destruction and the horrors former generations have inflicted upon the earth. jake is the face of the next generation in ds9, growing from child to adult, but if the dominion war goes wrong, what world will he be left with by those who came before? at the end of breathing, bush’s protagonist, joined by other voices, desperately pleads with those above -  “oh, god, please leave us something to breathe!”. i connect this song to jake’s place as this next generation, as well as (unlike nog) an outsider in the war. 

odo - suspended in gaffa

i deliberated for a long time about which kate bush song could fit odo’s story. i chose suspended in gaffa because it explores a concept of experiencing something wondrous (in this case, witnessing god) and then not being able to experience it again, trapped by one’s unworthiness. the song’s protagonist is desperate to be rewarded - “can i have it all now?” i connect this with odo’s intrinsic desire and struggle to experience the great link, to be with his people, as well as other aspects like to be accepted by others and at peace with himself. 

quark - wuthering heights

yeah.

[normal-thoughts-official]

ok idk if u like harry potter (either way fuck jkr) but have u thought about sh characters and hp houses? for magnus i’m torn between hufflepuff and ravenclaw, alec hufflepuff ?? maybe?? and idk for anyone else

its a weird thing because i've always hated hp, even when i was a kid, but i'm kinda interested in discussing the whole houses thing? possibly because the choice between traits is so fucking random and absurd like idk it makes for funny character analysis. so in short let's go

but also, i'll warn u that my takes on this are usually considered kinda spicy. mostly because other ppl r wrong and interpret the characters terribly i go by the canon that the house ur sorted into represents what you value the most, not necessarily what you are (which is why hermione is gryffindor and not ravenclaw for example, and if i'm not mistaken so's neville? idk idc her worldbuilding is bad) so yeah

magnus is definitely hufflepuff for me, no argument about that. like yes he is very smart but i don't think that he values knowledge/intelligence above all else. wisdom maybe, but even then, magnus' character core is and has always been kindness and loyalty. he values kindness and mutual support and community and equality. it's indisputable that he's hufflepuff for me, not only in values but in personality and actions

i like slytherin alec, first because it fits his character arc. like big racist family who loves fascism and is very traditional sounds like slytherin, and at a very young age he'd be their golden boy tbh [EDIT: ive already gotten anon hate over this so please read these posts before freaking out over this part please and thank you] so like, makes sense. but even later alec i think fits slytherin, although in a different way. family above all else, tradition, and ambition? sounds like him. he's a political shark, he's very traditional, and he's loyal as fuck to his family. i'm not against hufflepuff alec per se but i wouldnt say, even by the end of the series, that alec values kindness/community/equality above all else, tbh

raphael is hufflepuff. again, loyalty, community, kindness. i could maybe kiiiiiindaaaaa see why ppl think he fits slytherin aesthetics with his power suits and shit but also raphael is the least ambitious person in like, this entire show lmao his happy ending is literally to become a priest (like i hate the whole mundane thing but u cant argue that that's an ambitious man lol). throughout the show his whole motivation was always protecting his people and his family, and he was shown to be kind and caring even to shadowhunters. and yes okay there was the heidi plotline but like a- it made no fucking sense anyway (both for his character and just plot-wise, like, she wasn't a daylighter, why would he be after her and not simon, what the fuck) so i simply ignore it, and b- even then it doesn't define him or his values. if ppl can see hufflepuff alec when he handed meliorn over to be tortured for basically no reason and was never shown to be particularly caring beyond the people closest to him, i can say hufflepuff raphael when he continuously extended his hand to people who literally betrayed, used and tortured him

maia is hufflepuff and look i know that this sounds like "all my faves are hufflepuffs" but really tho. endlessly loyal to her pack, wants to build a family, her whole thing was always about making the downworld better and making sure her family was okay, i don't see how community and equality aren't defining values for her. "oh muh muh muh she was willing to kill ppl" there was a war going on buddy. it doesn't mean that maia isn't kind and caring. also, again, she is fierce on her ideals, which happen to be family, equality, and community (both as in the pack and the downworld as a whole, see how hard she tried to mend vamp/wolf relationships). she's a hufflepuff

meliorn is a hard one. i think gryffindor or slytherin? tbh i don't think any of the houses really super fits them because again jk's worldbuilding makes no sense like the four personality traits are kind, smart, brave, and racist there are no other ones you sjw snowflake. and okay i know that i just called slytherin the racist house but that was a joke and i can see slytherin meliorn because loyalty and tradition. not really ambitious but not not ambitious either. tbh i could make points for meliorn in all houses, i think wisdom is definitely something they seek and care about, as is bravery (they're literally a knight), as is community, as is tradition. but also i could see them being like "hey sorting hat put me in slytherin i'm a 'mudblood' they're gonna be super pissed". and going there just to be defiant. but no actually i changed my mind completely, they're ravenclaw. i think wisdom and temperance are what they seek the most, because they want to be a good leader/asset for their people. which kinda circles back to hufflepuff but still.... wisdom. i think it suits them

simon is another hard one for opposite reasons like i don't think he truly fits any of the houses? like meliorn fits them all simon fits none. i know ppl always go with hufflepuff simon cuz they think hufflepuff is the dork house and simon is an anxious bean but fuck that noise, hufflepuff isn't the dork house, it's the house for those who believe in mutual aid and support and equality and that's literally canon, hufflepuff existed because it was the only hogwarts founder who believed that everyone had equal right to education. hufflepuff is a fierce house of sjws and people who want to change the world for the better and YES i am aware that for someone who thinks harry potter sucks i sure have strong opinions about it. but that's the thing like there are so many interesting places jk rowling could've gone and instead she chose to write the most superficial shit ever. anyway my point is that hufflepuff is not the dork house so i'm not gonna sort simon there just because he's a dork. but anyway i wouldnt say that he particularly values any of the house's traits. maybe ravenclaw for creativity? or gryffindor because clary is there and he's like "please sorting hat do me a solid" lol

which okay i guess leads me to clary. definitely gryffindor. bravery with a side of recklessness is definitely her thing. she is fierce and she is proud of it. no argument about that

j@ce is also gryffindor in the most annoying obnoxious way. he's just like man i sure like violence watch me prove how macho i am and the sorting hat is like oh no it's one of those gryffindors

izzy.... i can see gryffindor cuz again bravery and just again fits her character arc as she would go there specifically as a fuck you to the lightwood's traditional slytherin shit. but really tho, ravenclaw. she values knowledge, she is hungry for it, she wants to see the world and learn and invent and create you know?? so like yeah ravenclaw

cat.... either ravenclaw or hufflepuff? she just cares about people as a whole but also about wisdom and knowledge so could go either way imo

ragnor... man i really have no idea for ragnor. again aesthetic fits slytherin but is he actually proud, ambitious, cunning? i don't think so. fucking ravenclaw maybe? just like "yes i value knowledge very much now put me in the nerd house where people will leave me alone" lol. ok tho ravenclaw it is

madzie... gryffindor? idk she seems like she would want to have adventure. it's so hard to do this for sh minor characters when their personality was basically based on the shape of the writer's poop that day tbh

camille is slytherin because duh and if we really wanna do a h*gwarts au for some reason, it adds some angsty juices as magnus once again falls in love with a slytherin and doesn't know how to open up and trust (once he meets alec, i mean)

luke is ravenclaw methinks. i guess could have been slytherin because character arc as shadowhunter but like... he's just a wise and caring figure. i could see hufflepuff but i think his thing is less equality/community and more family, but post-sh luke doesn't exactly fit "proud, ambitious, cunning" either. so yeah methinks ravenclaw. same for alaric i guess

who else exists lmao. i feel like i'm forgetting somebody but idk who so i guess i'll reblog or edit if i think of someone elsIT WAS DOT okay so i think either hufflepuff or ravenclaw. kinda hard because her whole personality was "cares about clary" so idk but like loyalty and care seem like character traits that suit her? also she was knee deep in trauma and still cared about helping magnus so... yeah hufflepuff

[guardianofjunmyeon]

Finding Atlantis (part 6)

Pairing: Baekhyun x Reader

Genre: Action/Adventure, Enemies to Lovers, PirateAU

Description:   20 years ago the seas became angry. Unruly and unkind to any sailor,  to  any ship that dared venture too far out in her waters. Many a man  has  heard the tales of Atlantis, the lost city, the key the ocean. But  fewer  men know the tale of it’s missing child. The key to the ocean,  the key  to Atlantis but a lost little one. The power one would hold  should they  find this child would be nearly that of Poseidon himself.  Thus, the hunt  began.    

A/N: I meant to update last week but my VPN wasn’t working! I couldn’t access tumblr bc it’s blocked here in china but i finally got it fixed lol. This one is long! WARNING(s): Smut + Character Death (??)

Part 1, Part 2, Part 3, Part 4, Part 5, Part 6, Part 7, Part 8, Part 9, Part 10, Part 11, Part 12, Part 13, Part 14, Part 15, Part 16, Part 17, Part 18

After hours of discussion and blindly heading southeast, you all were finally able to somewhat crack the code of the rhyme and the map.

“Follow the sound of your soul, she’ll call out to you to bring you back to your shoal. That’s clearly about the Atlantis return song. It’s the most important part of all of this. If we don’t get a better handle of when it appears and when it doesn’t we won’t get through the rest of the trails.”

“Trials?”

“Yes, there are three different trials masked in the lyrics of the song. The way back isn’t easy. If you leave Atlantis, you have to prove that you truly want to return,” Yeri replies.

You squint at the map now covered in writing.

“She’ll fight you to prove that your heart is true, to crush you and build you back stronger in her darkest shade of blue,” Sehun reads. “It’s about a storm. A very big one by the sound of it.” He points to an area of the map with nothing but water. “You see this area? It’s known for its unruly currents and unnatural weather patterns. It ranges from snow to thunderstorms large enough to wipe out entire islands.”

Junmyeon grazes his fingers over the map, passing the spot Sehun mentioned and further southeast. “Beautiful songs will call out to confuse the path, to distract you, but remembering your heart will get you through…if we continue beyond the location of the storm we’ll be set to approach Isla de Sirena within a week.”

“Shit,” Baekhyun murmurs.

Yeri looks on in confusion. “Why shit?”

“Isla de Sirena is an island known for luring ships underwater. They crash ships among the rocks with song. They appear as the most beautiful creature that you can imagine; whatever you subconsciously find the most alluring. I don’t know how they do it. Different people can look at the same one and see different things; they trick you that way. Mermaids…sirens, whatever you want to call them. Freaky little bitches.”

“Baekhyun,” Junmyeon admonishes.

“What? They are!”

“So we’ve got to face…beautiful singing women? Oh no the horror,” you gasp jokingly.

Baekhyun pinches the bridge of his nose. “You are so horny, and so stupid all the fucking time.”

“You’re one to fucking talk-”

“Children!” Junmyeon scolds. “Can we please hold off on the flirting until this is over?”

“We aren’t flirting-”

“Anyway!” You and Baekhyun close your mouths in embarrassment. “We’ve gone near Isla de Sirena, once,” Sehun adds grimly, eyebrows pitching angrily. “If you’re able to ignore their voices then you can see them for they are. They’re the ugliest creatures I’ve ever seen in my life.” He shivers.

“So what’s the final trial?” Baekhyun asks, back to contributing to the conversation and not being a pain in your ass.

“She’ll finally take you in her arms again, cradled and safe where all life began…” Yeri reads. A sigh. “We aren’t completely sure. It’s something about a rebirth?”

You scratch your chin.

“Maybe it’s about being drowned.”

Everyone turns their eyes to you.

“What?” you ask; your wide eyes look back at everyone staring at you as if you said something crazy. You point to the map in the general area where you think you all may end up. “There’s no land anywhere near here, and the city is underwater. Born from water, taken away from water, and then reclaimed by the water. If you leave, you must be drowned and reborn into an Atlantian again right? Why else would you forget your memories and connection to the sea the longer you’re away?”

“You are reborn in the place where life began…” Baekhyun mumbles. “You might be right. The final trial is a drowning of some kind. There’s a reason only Atlantian’s are the only people who can reach the city.” Baekhyun smacks you on the shoulder. “You’re not completely useless!”

You frown and hold your shoulder.

Bastard.

~~~

Candles cover the deck of the ship as the sun sets on the horizon. You watch somberly as each member of your crew places an object that reminds them of Taemin, of Amber, of Kun, and of Jaehyun in each of the four caskets meant to sail them to the other side.

Their bodies are wrapped in cloth to save everyone the trauma of facing their decomposing faces. Flowers, candies, articles of clothes surround each body with the things that made them who they were in life.

And will hopefully comfort them in the land of death.

Your most artistically inclined deckhand, Ten, places a portrait of each of them in their respective boat. An image to match the body.

“Jaehyun was always smiling; he worked hard as a gunner. He’d hoped one day to be master gunner of the ship.” Mark stands over the casket. “He uh, he never said much but he had the most imaginative mind of any person I ever met,” he says with a sad smile. “When the cannon backfired and killed him, it was quick, so at least he didn’t suffer for long. Farewell friend. I’ll see you on the other side.”

Luna takes over where Mark left off, standing in front of Amber’s casket. “I’ve known Amber since we were kids. She was a strange one,” she laughs. “She was very head strong and opinionated even when she was wrong. We both knew that working in the artillery was going to be rough, that it would be dangerous, but I know that she loved this job more than anything. She had a family with us, and she died where she would have wanted, I think.” Tears fill her eyes as she sits back down in the circle of crewmen.

“Kun…was like an older brother to me. He would tell me that I was getting on his nerves, but he would always take care of me…uh…take care of all of us in the best way he could. Every meal he served, every wound he healed, was done with care. Unfortunately, sickness isn’t as kind. He tended to Taemin with his last breath, tried to heal with all he had until he had nothing else to give. I’m going to miss him and his cheesy magic tricks.” Ten takes in a deep breath to keep his voice from wavering. “I hope he’s taken care of with as much love as he gave us.”

You can hear people holding back their tears. Sniffles and soft sobs escaping into the air every few seconds.

This time you stand as the representative to send off Taemin. You avoid everyone’s eyes and focus your gaze on his wrapped body and the trinkets around him. “Taemin was one of my earliest crewmen. I may have owned the ship, but Taemin was the one who knew best how she moved. He piloted with a grace and confidence I have still yet to achieve. I don’t have a single doubt that he’ll be able to guide himself to the other side without issue. He had a natural skill for movement.” You focus on an object nestled snuggly at his side. “I just hope he doesn't lose any of the things we’re sending with him the way he always loses his money pouches.” You manage a smile.

A couple of people chuckle softly, sadly.

“As Captain of the Storm Chaser, I release the four of you from duty.” You raise your gun in the air. “I couldn’t have asked for braver, hardworking, and loyal men.” You fire a single shot into the air.

It rings through the night.

Everyone stands, begins to close the wooden coffins, and Junmyeon soaks them in gunpowder and oil.

You watch the coffins get lowered into the water one by one. As they begin to float away, you, Mark, Luna, and Ten line up along the edge of the ship.

“Ready,” you all cock your guns. “Aim.”

“Fire.”

The coffins alight with flames. Yixing lights a single firework and it shoots into the air and covers the sky in bright yellow sparks.

May these lights guide them on their future paths.

No one moves until the coffins are far out of sight, their flames no longer visible. Until nothing but darkness rests in the distance. With heavy eyes, and heavier hearts, you all pull away from the railing.

Those who were close to the ones sent away cry openly and you allow everyone the rest of the night to rest and mourn as they see fit. Crying, shaking, screaming.

People cope in different ways.

As everyone disperses below deck you see Yixing rubbing Jongin’s back as the two of them cry clinging tightly to the other.

You know that Yixing grew up with Taemin. Yixing had been the one to recommend him for the crew because of their shared history. Knowing now that Yixing knew Jongin at the same time, you realize that Jongin must have known Taemin closely as well.

Leaving them to console one another, you walk away.

The stories of their deaths, of their lives, makes your heart a bit less heavy. Knowing that they died doing what they wanted, and not because life was stolen from them in situations counter to their personality eases a bit of the pain.

Minutely.

It still hurts, but the anger is no longer there. Just sadness.

This is the life of pirates after all.

Junmyeon has hidden himself away somewhere on the ship, as he always does when he wants to cry without being found, so you make your way towards the food storage for a drink. You need it after today.

People cope in different ways.

The stairs creak as you descend. One of the lanterns is already on, bright near the liquor storage. It shouldn’t surprise you. You wouldn’t be the only person who wants to drink to numb a bit of the pain.

What does surprise you is who you find hunched over with his face in his hands.

“Baekhyun?”

His head lifts and you immediately take notice of the red in his visible eye and face in the dim lighting. He seems alarmed to have been caught. He looks away in shame.

You sit down in front of him.

The bottle of whiskey at his side is half empty; you reach for it and take a sip.

For your men.

Silence shrouds you both.

You feel the need to speak. To clear the air. Whether you are doing it for him or for yourself you aren’t sure. “No one blames you, you know,” you say so softly that it almost blends into the silence. You hope he doesn’t hear.

But of course he does.

He looks over with anger. “I never said it was my fault.”

“You didn’t have to. You’re down here drinking alone after a funeral. This screams ‘this is all my fault’ you emo fucker.”

He snatches the bottle from your hands.

“Look, okay. No one thinks it’s your fault. You heard the stories. Yeah, you guys shot my ship, but their deaths weren’t directly a result of that. Things went wrong; I will accept that it was just a shot to immobilize us. If any of us thought you a murderer, in this case, we would have hung you by your neck long ago.” You forcefully grab the bottle back with a frown. “There’s plenty of other shit for you to feel guilty over. Like the time you shot me…or stabbed me…or left me on that island for dead.”

“I swear to the Gods-”

“The point is…this one isn’t on you. You don’t need to carry this guilt. Not this time.” You take a quick drink. “If however,” you point your finger at him menacingly, “this was on purpose, then I take all that back and I will kill you right fucking here I swear to the Gods.”

The bottle is taken back. “It wasn’t,” he admits, softly, angry. A swig. “It wasn’t on purpose,” he says again tiredly.

His honesty takes you by surprise. Baekhyun has killed just as many people as you have in your life. If he had tried to kill them, well that would be expected. But for him to be this affected by the accidental deaths? That’s surprising.

“What are you doing down here anyway?” he asks.

“Do you really think you’re the only person on this ship who hides down here drinking? You’re talking to the master!” you boast. “And it’s my ship you ungrateful wrench.” You finish off what’s left of the whiskey and reach for a bottle of golden rum tucked securely on a shelf. Uncorking it with your teeth, you hold it in the air between you. “To Taemin, Kun, Amber, and Jaehyun!”

It burns like hell itself going down.

You hold it out for Baekhyun with an expectant eyebrow raise. You wait.

He grabs it gently. “To Taemin, Kun, Amber, and Jaehyun,” he repeats in a murmur. He makes a noise of pain as the alcohol burns its way down his throat. “What the fuck is this?”

You shiver as the alcohol settles uncomfortably in your stomach. “It's the bad rum I think.” You cough violently. “Oh fuck I think I’m going to die,” you say clutching your stomach.

His wild laugh echoes in the dark space. A bit of the gloom lifts.

You let your hands fall from your stomach while you take in the relaxed happiness on his candlelit face. His eye crinkled in a crescent, shining with mirth. You don’t think you’ve seen him laugh like that since the first time you met him.

He’s pretty. You’d have to be stupid not to admit it. From his soft and shiny hair, to his cheeks that bunch up when he smiles. From his big dumb ears to all of the little moles that dot his body.

The bottle goes back up to his ridiculously pink lips and he laughs as it hurts his throat just as bad as the first sip.

All it takes is a second of thoughtless, drunken courage for you to lean forward and quickly press your lips against his, cutting off his giggles.

When you pull pack, the happiness on his face has made way for shock and then once more to nothing.

“Don’t kiss me,” he says tonelessly. His voice is serious, but you see the spark of challenge in his eye.

Ignoring the part of you that always tells you that jumping headfirst into him is a bad idea, you lean in again, slower. You brace your hands on his thighs and feel them tense beneath your palms. He stares at your lips and you watch enrapt as his tongue pokes out to wet his bottom lip.

You can feel your skin vibrating from the proximity to him, and you freeze; a breath away from meeting skin with skin. Your eyes glance up to meet his and you can see the want, the restlessness, and something else you can’t quite place in the dark.

As if waiting any longer would be torturous, he leans forward impatiently to press his lips against yours. The bottle of rum falls to the ground and spills onto the floorboards of the storage room.

You don’t care.

You push harder; open your mouth to let his tongue slide against yours in a way that sends tingles through every nerve in your body. Maybe it’s the alcohol, maybe it’s the touch of sadness, but something feels different about this time.

You crawl onto his lap, driven purely by instinct and press every inch of your body against his. Heat seeps through your clothes and you pant longingly as he pulls you closer by your neck, his other hand grabbing you roughly by your ass. A wanton moan escapes your mouth and he pulls you closer, rougher. Breaths puff into each other’s mouths as you messily connect your lips over and over again. It’s uncoordinated. It’s wet. It’s exactly what you need.

You thread your fingers in his hair and yank his head back; diving to lick and suck along the column of his neck, to the sensitive spot behind his ear that you know drives him crazy. His grip on your body tightens as he releases a shaky groan and rolls his hips up against yours. Anticipation thrums through your body. To every noise, to every touch your body responds in earnest.

This is nothing but a distraction. For you. For the both of you, you don’t care. Neither of you have to think as clothes are removed. The sadness can be ignored as you claw against his skin and coax his tongue into your mouth. It’s all movement. All feeling. All lust.

People cope in different ways.

It always happens like this. You argue. You fight. You threaten each other. You fuck until you’re both exhausted and too tired to care about the years of hatred between you. For these few moments all you are, are bodies. Bodies moving in tandem, kissing the right places, touching the right spots, connecting at the right angle. Like this things are easy, wordless.

You each just understand how the other works.

Every movement is matched in urgency, in desperation. Touch for touch. Kiss for kiss. Sound for sound. Push for pull. Gasps, moans, whimpers are muted as best you can in the quiet of the storage. You don’t realize that you’re subconsciously avoiding aggravating the stitches that lie there, still fresh, in his side as your hands leave burning paths along his skin.

Just for now, you can allow yourselves to feel that maybe you don’t hate each other as much as you let on.

~~~

“Get your own fucking telescope!”

“Where am I going to get one? We’re in the middle of the god forsaken ocean; do you expect me to pull it out of my ass?”

“You should have brought yours with you if you wanted to use one so bad! That doesn’t give you permission to just take my shit whenever you feel like it. You aren’t Captain here.”

“Oh, bite me.”

“I’ll do worse than that. Seulgi, get me my pistol.”

“Captain I don’t think-”

“You think you’re going to shoot me? Chanyeol where’s my gun?!”

“I’m gonna shoot you right in your last fucking working eye you dirty fucking son of a-”

A hand covers your mouth before you can finish your curse. “Baekhyun, you’re needed in the kitchen. Kyungsoo is asking for you.” You and Baekhyun share one last deadly glare before he stalks off and you’re released.

“What the hell Minseok?” You turn on your gunner, anger from your argument with Baekhyun being projected instead onto him. It has to go somewhere.

He crosses his arms over his chest, unbothered.

“So you’re in love with him right? That's why you’re acting like this?”

Your eyes bulge out of your skull. “I’m sorry, what did you just ask me?”

He sighs, grabs you by your arm and drags you all the way to the infirmary. You’re forced to sit down stupefied as Minseok stares at you expectantly. “The two of you are exhausting to watch. If you weren’t two of our most capable men we would have tied you both up and put you in the brig until we found Atlantis days ago,” he says evenly.

You scoff, mouth agape.

“I would tell you to fuck and move on, but seeing as that seems to be what triggers a fresh round of arguments, I’m going to ask that you two refrain from ever having sex on the ship again in the future.”

You splutter embarrassed. Your skin heats at having been called out so boldly. “W-what?! How- Wh- How’d you find out?”

“Any time the two of you have sex, you spend the next month or so telling all of us how much you hate him, how you’re going to kill him, blah blah blah. After a while you stop being as vocal about it, but then we make port, usually at Arae, and he happens to be there, then BAM we're back where we started. You’re obsessed with each other.”

You flush. “We are not,” you try to deny. His face is unimpressed. “I don't know where you got the idea that either of us feel anything but pure hatred for the other. Okay yeah, we’ve had sex a couple of times. So what? It doesn’t mean anything. I’ve had sex with half of Arae.” You cross your arms defiantly.

“As soon as this is all over, we’ll part ways...in 6 months we’ll go to Arae for a bit, as we always do, you’ll have ‘angry hate sex’ yet again and then spend the next month being pissy over his existence. No one who genuinely hates someone spends so much time a) around them willingly and b) obsessing over them when they aren’t around,” Minseok says matter-of-factly. “I think you should both admit you’re in love with each other so we can all move on.”

“Minseok!”

“I agree,” Jongin’s head pops up from behind the singular bed in the room.

“What are you doing here?” you ask, heat again filling your cheeks at the extra witness to this interrogation.

“I work here?”

“I mean hiding behind the bed!”

“Oh…I uh tripped and then the door opened and you guys started talking and I was too afraid to get up and interrupt,” he says quickly.

You squint in judgment.

“This whole…” Minseok waves his hand around as he searches for the word, “…archenemies thing is getting old, Captain. If you really wanted to kill him, you would have done it already. And I’m sure the same goes for Byun. Right Jongin?” he turns to face the younger.

“Yeah,” Jongin agrees with a shrug.

You can’t believe your ears. “He just…hasn’t done anything worth actually killing him over yet. He’s useful sometimes…for information…” you murmur lamely. The excuse is weak even to you.

“You are both dumb and annoying…and also super transparent. Whenever you injure the other, it’s always in a place that won’t kill or do permanent damage. Don’t act like it’s just been luck that you’ve both managed to miss any kind of serious blow from the other. You’re both deadly fighters, you know how to kill someone if you want them dead.”

“He ditched me in cuffs on that island-”

“You had the key to the cuffs,” Jongin chimes in unhelpfully.

Minseok rolls his eyes at your words. “Yes, and again, in a survivable situation. Was there not food and shit on that island?”

You open and close your mouth pathetically.

“Exactly. It’s not like you’re an incompetent dumbass. You would be able to find your way off even if you hadn’t been found. He didn’t blow the ship to bits like he could have a month ago, you haven’t slit his throat like you could have many months ago. You both dance around injuring each other, making the other’s life difficult, and fucking. You’re in love, please just accept it. I don’t care if you’re into BDSM and blood play or whatever freaky shit gets you guys off, but I would at least appreciate it if you kept it in your bedroom.”

Jongin nods from the back. “I just think it’s obvious,” he adds simply.

“Pff…Psh…Tch…I’m-I am appalled that you would talk to your Captain like this.”

“I know, I know. You could have us hanged, shot, thrown in the ocean, whatever…but the fact of the matter is that you aren’t going to do any of that, and you know that we’re right. Now, I’m going to go make sure Chanyeol hasn’t shot any of my men with any of my valuable pistols, and I’ll leave you to your duties, Captain.” Minseok nods his head with finality and exits the room.

Mutineer…

You glare at Jongin for ganging up on you. He flushes timidly. “I’m uh…gonna go see if Kyungsoo needs any help…Captain.” With a nervous smile he dashes from the room.

This is mutiny…

~~~

The ship sails southeast for days before anything alerts you all of the impeding first trial. The weather is normal, the water is normal, and then all of a sudden, the winds become violent.

“Captain, I think we’re getting close to whatever the first test is…” Yixing says tremulously.

The wind whips around you and the sails of the ship flap violently. There’s no way to tell which way the wind is blowing from as it whips from what feels like every side simultaneously. The ship tilts dangerously to one side.

“Junmyeon…that song telling you anything right about now?” You ask anxiously.

Your first mate looks out on the horizon with worried eyes. “We’re going the right way…” is all he says.

“Helpful,” Yixing murmurs sarcastically.

There is no visible sign of a storm; nothing seems out of the ordinary outside of the unnatural winds. The crew is already reefing your regular sails and raising the storm jib and trysail. If the winds get any stronger, which they will, they’ll catch your regular sails and capsize your ship before the waves even begin to hit.

“Who can man the helm? Who’s the best pilot on board right now?” you ask Yixing.

Yixing looks around a bit panicked. “I don’t know… I don’t know Captain.” The ship lurches to the side.

“Fuck, fuck, fuck…” you scan the ship. Most of the men are working on preparing the proper sails, securing any moving parts, and making sure the wind alone won’t turn the ship on her side. You see Baekhyun working with Wendy on securing lose lines. You haven’t talked to him since your lecture from Minseok all those days ago. “Junmyeon, go check to make sure we have enough ballast in the hold. We’re going to be rocking and we need to pray that we have enough weight to keep us as stable as possible.”

He rushes away; you try to think of what else you can do to prepare. There’s no way to tell how long this storm is going to last, how bad it’s going to be, and you would rather prepare for the worst.

A sea anchor.

“Johnny!” The boatswain is immediately at your side. “Take whoever you need and deploy the sea anchor. We should have one somewhere in the hold. I need you to work fast, but be thorough.”

The ship is going to have to sail against the wind and against the waves. The wind will push the ship off course, but to survive a storm like this the ship needs to keep its bow to the waves. If a wave catches the ship on her side or back, there’s no chance for survival. You’ll have to use your sea anchor and just pray that the Gods are feeling merciful.

“Baekhyun!” you shout. He turns immediately at the sound of your voice. “How good are you at the wheel?”

“I’m decent.”

“How’s your tracking? Your jibbing? Can you keep the ship from capsizing in this storm?”

He looks up in the sky when the sound of thunder shakes the floorboards. “My jibbing isn't the best, but I think I can keep her afloat,” he promises.

The feeling of static fills the air. The hair on your body rises to attention. Another rumble of thunder rolls across the ocean, louder than before. The sky is darker than it was 5 minutes ago.

There isn’t much longer until the storm hits.

“I need you at the wheel. I’m trusting my ship to you. Don’t let me down.” With a determined nod, Baekhyun is off. You see your first strike of lighting. Bright blue and not far off.

Chanyeol runs up to you to assure you that all of the cannons, ammunition, and artillery are properly secured. “Tell Minseok to get all his men below deck in the storm rooms. Secure any hatch and pray to the Gods that we make it through this,” you instruct. He nods and runs off.

When a storm hits, it hurts more than it helps to have people above deck. Three people would do the job just as well as all 20. Half of weathering a storm is the training and skill of the crew; and the other half is just pure luck.

The beginning patters of rain begin to pelt the ship. You run back up to the helm where Baekhyun has stationed himself.

The ocean gets choppy, picks up ferocity. The ship leans starboard. Baekhyun has never steered your ship, and truthfully, you have no idea whether or not he can actually steer through a storm. You’ve never seen him at the wheel of any ship in all the years you’ve known him.

“Do you think we’ll make it through this?” you ask.

“Honestly…I don’t know,” he admits. “We have enough sea room; we won’t crash into anything this far out. I just hope we can pick up enough speed before the waves start to grow.”

Junmyeon reappears, with Kyungsoo at his side, both out of breath. “We’ve prepared all that we can. The sea anchor is deployed, we’ve got a decent amount of ballast, the jib is ready to be backwinded, and the crew is all prepared for the rocking. What’s the plan?”

“Heaving to,” Baekhyun says simply. He swipes at his bangs, heavy with water and clinging to this forehead. “We keep the bow to the waves, keep close to the wind, and then lock the helm in place.”

“Won’t we broadside?!”

“No, if we were to lie ahull, we would broadside,” Kyungsoo supplies, blocking his eyes from the rain picking up in ferocity. “By heaving to, we can keep the ship from going parallel to the waves and capsizing. We’ll have to stay above deck to correct it if the wind or waves suddenly change. Since you’ve got a sea anchor we’ve got more chance of keeping the ship sailing straight into the waves rather than along them.”

“If heaving to doesn’t work, we try to run off downwind. As the wind increases we’ll have to slow down the ship as much as we can so that we don’t dive straight into the wave in front of us.” A bolt of lightning hits the waves. The rain gets harder.

“We would die…” You say unhelpfully. Lighting blasts in front of you and the waves crash angrily against the ship’s sides.

“Exactly. So if we run off, we’re going to need more than the four of us to throw whatever heavy lines you have off the stern,” Baekhyun’s voice rises to be heard over the increasingly loud winds and waves.

“As a last result, we’ll lie ahull and just fucking pray that when we capsize the ship holds for long enough to keep all of us alive,” Kyungsoo shouts.

You exhale shakily as another three bolts of lightning flash across the sky.

Poseidon be kind to us all.

You leave Baekhyun with the job of steering the ship against the waves that grow in size and power by the second.

At Kyungsoo’s instruction, Junmyeon is in charge of keeping the jib backwinded, and you reef the trysail as soon as it becomes clear that it’s going to be a hindrance in the grand scheme of things. Kyungsoo stands at Baekhyun’s side correcting course when he gets thrown off balance. Baekhyun does the same as Kyungsoo is knocked to the side in turn.

The waves become brutal, rocking the ship so hard that it’s nearly impossible to keep on your feet for more than 10 seconds at a time.

The wind finally sets in a single direction, fiercer than anything you’ve faced, and the general direction of the waves becomes apparent. The ship rocks violently from side to side and then immediately forward and back. You’re thrown into the foremast by the unexpected direction change with enough force to knock the wind out of your body. You gasp in pain. You get up on wobbling legs and try to breathe even as the water falls so fast and heavy around you that it feels equivalent to drowning.

You can’t see more than two feet ahead of yourself.

Think. Think.

There is rope at your feet, secured to the mainmast of the ship. You untie it with cold, wet fingers and hold it tight as you walk to the helm. The ship crashes into another large wave and you fall to your knees as water washes over the bow of the hull, covers the deck in freezing water and pitches the ship forwards. You stand up, shivering but determined. You tie the rope around your own waist to help you keep note of where you’ve come from.

Getting to the helm is a challenge, but you make it. Junmyeon is helping Baekhyun and Kyungsoo lock it in place.

“We should head below deck!” You shout as loud as you can. Thunder and lightning work in tandem to drown out your voice. To remind you of who is louder. Who has more power. You’re soaked to the bone.

Each man above deck is in a similar state. “We’re going below deck!” Junmyeon shouts. “We think heaving to may work.” The ship lurches dangerously to the right.

“Quick! Let’s go,” Kyungsoo screams, hair clinging to his forehead in inky black tendrils.

You use the rope to guide you. It feels as though you’re swimming through the air with the amount of resistance the winds and rain are putting up. Kyungsoo makes it to the hatch that leads below first. You follow behind, climbing down the ladder with shaking limbs. Water leaks through the boards, but it’s a welcome change from the brutality of facing Mother Nature directly.

You gasp for breath, finally able to breathe without also inhaling water, and look around the space for the ship’s emergency supplies. The ship dips, your stomach lurches.

Freezing water streams into the room from the open hatch above. You realize belatedly that there are only two of you in the compartment. Baekhyun and Junmyeon haven’t made it down.

You’re thrown to the ground when the ship dips without warning.

Clattering catches your attention as Junmyeon is swept into the room with a fresh rush of water. “Baekhyun fell overboard!” Junmyeon screams. He crashes against the ground. The sky screams.

What?

Kyungsoo turns away from opening the hatch down to a lower level of the ship to gape at Junmyeon’s words in horror.

Gasping, soaked, Junmyeon looks around the compartment frantically.

You’re moving before you have a chance to think.

You vaguely hear your name being called out from behind, but you don’t turn around. Rope still secured around your waist, you run, slip, stumble, over to the closest life boat. As fast as your shaking hands can work, you cut yourself free of the mainmast and tie the end of the rope not tied to your body to the dinghy.

You slice through the thick ropes holding the dinghy to the side of the ship with an urgency you’ve never felt. Water hits you head on, chilling you to the bone.

The final rope snaps and you and the dighy fall into the water with the force of landing on cement. Something is broken, but your adrenaline is pumping so violently that you can’t feel the pain. It doesn’t register.

Doesn’t matter.

You look around frenzied. The water is pitch black and moving too fast. The rain pelts your skin. It stings, burns, blurs your vision.

The waves are too big for him to survive out here on his own.

They’re too big for you to survive in your search for him.

The sky roars.

The waves crash, flip your boat once, twice.

You settle upright for the second time when, by the grace of the Gods, you see his white shirt illuminated against the dark water by a strike of lightning. You row frantically as a wave begins to swell. You nearly scream in relief when you reach him, but the sound dies as your heart sinks.

He’s not moving.

And he’s face down.

With all the energy you can muster, you pull him into your little boat. You take a few seconds you catch your breath, then you realize the height at which the wave has lifted you. It begins to cascade down; instinctively, you wrap your arms around Baekhyun’s unmoving form and brace yourself for the crash.

It’s dizzying.

It hurts.

It’s terrifying.

You hold your breath, close your eyes, hold onto the man in your arms with all you have, and wait for the water to stop jostling you around so violently. The water seems to calm slightly, so you open your eyes.

The water is dark, and then bright. Black, and then illuminated by lighting.

Your chest tightens as your need for oxygen reaches desperation. You maneuver yourself beneath the water enough to hold Baekhyun with one arm and swim to the top with the other.

You break the surface and gasp for air desperately.

You pull your rope and the boat appears at your side, thankfully upright. You lift Baekhyun aboard first, and then with heavy limbs, you topple on top of him. You don’t give yourself a chance to catch your breath before you’re leaning over him checking for signs of life.

You lower your ear to his chest. You can’t tell if he’s breathing. If his heart is beating.

“Come on Byun. Don’t die on me like this,” you beg. You repeatedly push against his chest, the way you were taught to restart a heart. After a few beats you press your ear to his chest again to listen for a change.

Nothing.

“Fuck. Come on…come on,” you pant.

You pinch his nose and lean down to cover his mouth with yours, filling his lungs with the air that he’s unable to take in on his own. His chest rises each time you exhale into his mouth. You go back to pumping your locked hands against his chest. A wave knocks you on your side. The boat stays upright.

You exhale into his mouth again, once, twice. You beg the rain to let up. You beg the waves to grow smaller.

You beg his heart to start beating.

He jerks and water spurts from his mouth. Relief hits you so hard that all the energy left in your body is expelled and you sag forward and land directly onto his chest.

You can finally hear the dull thumping of his heart. You can feel the shallow rise and fall of his chest.

At last, you can take a second to just breathe.

The small boat continues to jerk around, but it’s clear that the worst of the storm has passed. The waves now are shallow and choppy. The rain has lessened to nothing but a drizzle. The thunder rumbles farther and farther in the distance.

And Baekhyun’s heartbeat gets stronger.

You close your eyes, and let exhaustion overcome you, lulled into sleep by the beat of his heart and the rocking of the boat.

[idrewbedraggledbreaths]

Sorting Daenerys Targaryen and Jorah Mormont with the sortinghatchats system (GoT verse)

I didn’t want to write this post before I finished my Killing Eve sortings (basically Carolyn and Konstantin), but I’m stuck with them, so I decided to revisit an old fandom instead with a new approach. My take here is possibly an outsider’s take, given that I haven’t interacted with this fandom for a while, save for a few close friends I made in it. Now, bear in mind this sorting system IS NOT the original HP system, it is simply based on it. It sorts you into two houses. Your primary is you WHY, your reason to be who you are, what you believe in. Your secondary is your HOW, the way you act and approach life. Below is a little tl;dr of what each of them are (I’m using the animal terminology that’s being used in many blogs, by the way. If you know the houses, you know what each animal is supposed to represent).

Lion primaries are intuitive and guided by their moral compass, which is very strong (doesn’t mean what they believe in is in fact good or correct) and Lion secondaries are the people who charge straight at something, regardless of whether they will come out of it unscathed or not.

Snake primaries value people. Not any person, their people. They will go to hell and earth for their people to be safe and happy, which can get kind of self destructive. Snake secondaries improvise much like Lion secondaries, but they tend to adapt to situation and shapeshift their way out of problems.

Bird primaries also value right and wrong like Lion primaries, but they build their systems with external information and observation, not from their gut feelings. That means Bird primaries change a lot with time, because their ‘rights’ and ‘wrongs’ change. Bird secondaries collect. Skills, tools, random knowledge, they delve deep and acquire as much of them as they can, not because things are useful, but because it’s fun.

Finally, Badger primaries are also people-persons, but their communities are much broader than a Snake primary’s. They value people, tradition, cultures and so (but not every Badger sees everyone as people, so there’s that). Badger secondaries are the hardworking types in the sense that they cultivate things, they invest in them and even become them.

You can develop models of each house according to what you find useful or what society has instilled in you, but when push come to shove, the models aren’t the real you. All of these houses can burn, meaning their essence is somehow scared away from them due to trauma, depression, societal pressures, etc. That means a Lion stops trusting their instincts, a Snake no longer feels like they’re able to protect their people or their people are better off without them, a Bird loses faith in their systems and a Badger closes themselves off from their communities and adopts a smaller circle of people. Burnt houses can look a lot like each other. For more info, check out the tags. 

Daenerys

Double Lion, no doubt (for most of the show). Dany knows what’s right, she feels it in her bones. She never tries to rationalise her decisions and she won’t usually budge, even if she is presented with a more rational plan. None of her advisors have really convinced her to do anything, they might have pushed her to do what they wanted, but if she had her way, Daenerys would only ever listen to her own heart. She needs people around her to help her not make impulsive, brash decisions(because of her Lion secondary that I will get into), but she definitely doesn’t need - and doesn’t want - a moral compass, hers works just fine. She was burned as hell in the first episodes of the first season, mostly because of Viserys’ horrible influence, because he had robbed her of a purpose, of her truth. Drogo also stifles her primary and secondary for a while, but he eventually gives her some space to be herself. When she unburns, she unburns fast. ‘Not a Queen, a Khaleesi’ is pretty much Day gong ‘yeah, I can do things my way, I can be my own person with my own values and my own self.’ I think from there on, her quest to liberate 1) take back the Iron Throne 2) liberate Slaver’s Bay and ‘Break the Wheel’ just show how much she is focused on a big quest that is not explained by reason, by her need to form a community or by the influence of someone in her life. She does it because that’s the Right Thing ™ to do, and that’s Lion primary in a nutshell. Another thing that points towards Lion primary to me is how she just won’t take criticism and specially betrayal well (not that anyone does, but Dany is particularly unforgiving most of the time). Lion primaries are particularly shaken when someone they admire doesn’t have the same moral standards as they do, because deep down they like to think they know what’s ‘good’ and ‘true’ (oops my Snake primary who doesn’t really get Lions is showing), so if you don’t follow them and their beliefs, you must be doing something wrong. This is why Dany is so fucking pissed at Jorah when she finds out he betrayed her. She is also devastated true, and she misses him, but her ideals and her ‘truth’ stop her from seeing things from his side ad from forgiving him until he has proven himself worthy. Her reaction to betrayals tie in to the fact that she is a MASSIVE Lion secondary. She headbutts her way into things and her liberal use of Dracarys is proof of that. That’s not to say she doesn’t think or plan or listen to her advisors, but when push comes to shove, homegirl ACTS. Fuck the consequences, I have three dragons, fucking try me. Don’t tell me that climbing on Drogon in the fighting pits and burning the Khals were calculated decisions. Burning the Lannister army wasn’t a calculated decision. She leaves the planning to the people around her. This is something I struggle with regarding Lions, but I have to admit they are much more prone to seizing opportunities that us Bird secondaries (because I do have a Snake model but it is utter shit). 

Now, in seasons 7 and 8, she starts burning again. She gets to Westeros, where people aren’t flocking to her side like they did in Essos. Daenerys lets herself be swayed by Jon’s pretty little speeches that sound very Lion, sound very true to Daenerys, but guess what? She is fucking betrayed by everyone. The people she loved are killed, her children are killed (and the whole ‘I will take what is mine’ thing indicates that she might have a Snaky primary model, after all, she does some things because of what she claimed as hers, be it people or the Throne), she is left absolutely alone, so she burns, she loses faith in herself, starts doubting her actions and her instincts and no one is there to help her unburn safely, so the way she does it is destructive, as it often is with Lion primaries who don’t have guidance in order to regain their trust  their instincts and their selves. To me, the KL incidence is her primary going ‘You fucking left me behind, you fuckers, now you are going to see that I was right and fuck the consequences’. Her primary takes a turn for the worse with the help of an impulsive secondary and she ends doing anything to reach her end goal, similar to Albus Dumbledore and his disregard for human life as long as Voldemort being defeated is concerned. 

Jorah

I have no doubts whatsoever that Jorah is a Snake primary. I know the fandom likes to sort him into Hufflepuff when using the traditional sorting system and while there’s no doubts he is a loyalist to the bone, Jorah’s loyalties are much narrower than a Badger primary’s would be. Before he meets Daenerys, he wants to go home and make up with his family, because they are the ones who matter. Not his reputation, not the North, not Bear Islad itself, the Mormont House. Before that still, he does literally anything to keep Lynesse happy, including doing things that are against the law. This utter devotion to certain people are what makes him a Snake primery to me, a paricularly self destructive one. He starts worrying about the fact that he berayed Daenerys when he ‘adopts’ her into his circles and more so when she goes from being in his outermost circles to being the one person his Snake primary is attached to. Daeerys is everything to Jorah. Does he persoally care about freeing slaves or generally following her morals? No, he does it because it is importat to her and he wants her to see he is worthy of her attention (I, another Snek, still don’t kow if I like Florence + The Machine so damn much because I liked a girl who was into FATM or if my Bird secondary saw her taste for FATM and went ‘OMG ME TOO LETS TALK ABOUT THAT’ and the primary just said ‘huh, that’s legit. We’ll worship her from now on’, so yeah, us Snakes do that. On a side note, I never worked up the courage to ask her out, though). That’s why he goes batshit when she banishes him. He doesn’t burn, which means his primary is so strong it wasn’t fazed by being ast out of her circles; no, he is hell bent on getting back into her good graces and if he has to sacrifice his life fr that, so be it. 

Now, when it comes to secondary, I’d say Jorah’s a Lion secondary too, even though he has a lot of models he picked up with time. Models are useful, models get you out of bad situations, but they’re not who you really are. Jorah wans to be a Bird secondary when he’s around Daenerys, he wants to be the careful planner who looks ahead and ensures she is successful and he also needs a Snake secondary model, because his life demands that he twists and turns himself to fit different situations, but deep inside he is a Lion. His most honest moments are the moments when he just does it, no thoughts head empty. Did he have a solid plans when he kidnapped Tyrion? Fuck no! Did he truly know what he was doing when he decided to fight in the pits? Fuck no! Did he think before he charged at the wights and saved Daenerys in Winterfell? Fuck no! His head was probably just going ‘my Daenerys is in danger let’s punch first and see what happens later’. He’s not like Littlefinger, who plans everything ad is so fast at analysing and changing plans he looks like a Snake. His models make him seem like the opposite of Dany, like a Bird to a Lion, brains while she is brawn, but when she is in danger, Jorah charges. 

What the Jorleesi shippers do is take Dany’s Lion primary that is so focused on a quest and show her that she can also include people in her big aspirations. The gut feeling that is so characteristic of Lions is already inside her, all she would need is to put it into words, which isn’t necessarily the strongest suits of many Lions (that’s a Bird thing). Since most of their dynamics inevitably lies on Jorah’s models regulating Dany’s secondary, there’s not much point in ‘taming her Lion’. Jorah stays the same. The fandom looooves his Snake/Lion, specially since us Snakes tend to be too hard on ourselves. A self-loathing Snake who is also a stupid brave Lion secondary? Yes. They are both stupid brave. Also just stupid. Just talk, you two, for fuck’s sake. Get over your Lion, Daenerys, and talk to him, his Snake won’t allow him to bother you too much. 

[blaineisnotyourvalentine]

Task: Character Playlist Deep Dive

Playlist: Blaine Valentine’s Character Playlist

Number of Songs: 15 (as of July 2021)

Length: 53:48 (as of July 2021)

Triggers: Physical illness, death, mental illness, violence

Track 1: Wake Me Up When September Ends- Green Day

Blaine’s mother died of cancer when he was only 4 years old. Like Billie Joe Armstrong’s father, she died in the month of September. When she died, Blaine’s innocence and empathy died as well. Remembering the few memories he has with her upsets him deeply. It’s a type of deep pain he doesn’t know how to express. Whenever the anniversary comes up, everyone closest to him knows to leave him alone; he just wants the month to be over. 

Track 2: I Am Machine- Three Days Grace

After his mother’s death, Blaine became emotionally numb and initially hated what had become of him. He went through a stage of emotional turmoil as he grappled with understanding what was going on. He missed being happy-- and feeling anything at all, for that matter. He didn’t know how to fix this, so he often lashed out in order to feel something, anything. Eventually, he learned to accept what he couldn’t change, but this song is meant to reflect the time before he came to terms with himself. 

Track 3: Behind Blue Eyes- The Who

Blaine has never met another person like himself in real life. As he got older, he found an online community for people with ASPD and was able to diagnose himself, but before this, he felt very alone and misunderstood. Once he got past his stage of complete emotional numbness, he began to feel his emotions on a duller scale than prior. But this wasn’t enough for him to be normal. Once he was in therapy, he began mimicking the emotional reactions of those around him and wearing a “mask” to hide his true thoughts and feelings, but this wasn’t enough to make him normal either. He wasn’t normal, but no one knew what it was like to be him. 

Track 4: Super Rich Kids- Frank Ocean & Earl Sweatshirt

Blaine grew up without a mother. Though his father was physically there, he became emotionally distant and had to work long hours to support Blaine. As a result of his dad’s excessive working, he grew up with money. He isn’t the richest person around, but he’s always been able to get what he wants materially and takes great advantage of his privilege. He has expensive clothes and drives a fancy car, but this isn’t enough for him. He’s always been missing something he can’t quite hold. 

Track 5: Do It All The Time- IDKHBTFM

Blaine is highly self-centered. He does what he wants whenever he wants, within reason of course. Whenever he’s deciding whether to do anything, his first question is “Will this benefit me?” For the most part, nobody has ever stopped him from doing what he wants, so he sees no reason to stop himself from doing it. The song itself is a critique on people who are spoiled and privileged, but Blaine fits this bill perfectly. 

Track 6: Emperor’s New Clothes- Panic! At The Disco

This song, though not an exact fit to his life, is a further expression of his self-centered mindset and hedonism. when he was a teenager especially, he had a strong desire to climb the social ranks and take everything he thought rightfully belonged to him. Blaine’s family didn’t come from money; both of his parents were first-generation college graduates and the first lawyers in their respective families. His logic is that they worked hard for what they achieved, so he might as well take advantage of that and use their success as a stepping stone for his own future success. 

Track 7: Lose It- SWMRS

When Blaine was a sophomore in high school, he had his first relationship with a girl named Hadley. Hadley was a junior and the student body president. He initially pursued her because he wanted to increase his social status, but he ended up really liking her. It wasn’t quite love, but it was the closest he’s ever felt to romantic love. When he found out from a friend that she had cheated on him, he was angered beyond belief. Music was the thing they bonded over the most, so there was a period where he couldn’t listen to any of his favorite songs because they reminded him of her and the betrayal he faced. 

Track 8: Antisocial- Ed Sheeran & Travis Scott

You can’t have ASPD without antisocial behavior. Even though he talks to people and has a circle of friends, Blaine is highly introverted by nature and generally wants to be left alone. He does have people that he likes to keep around and hang out with, but he doesn’t need others to survive and he only wants to hang out with people on his own terms. With how busy he is with law school and internships/externships, he is perfectly okay on his own most nights.

Track 9: Kill Somebody- YUNGBLUD

One of Blaine’s most dangerous symptoms of his personality disorder is his intrusive thoughts. These thoughts come to him randomly without rhyme or reason. Sometimes they’re as minor as shoplifting a bag of chips from the convenience store, but other times they’re as extreme as killing his friends and family. He’s able to dismiss the more extreme thoughts by talking himself through it, but that doesn’t stop them from popping into his head. 

Track 10: Bored- Tessa Violet & MisterWives

Blaine is chronically bored. He’s constantly looking for things to do to stimulate and excite his brain, because when he lets himself be bored for too long, he becomes restless and irritated. However, he often finds himself doing repetitive behaviors, which only worsens his irritability. The only real way to quench his boredom is to engage in reckless behavior. 

Track 11: Feelin’ Low (F*ckboy Blues)- Peach Pit

Blaine isn’t a romantic person. Between his overall dull emotions and his unresolved trauma from his first relationship, he doesn’t think he’s capable of falling in love. Whether or not this is true is still up for debate, but he also doesn’t want to try. His logic is that a one-night stand can’t betray your trust. There have been certain one-night stands who were particularly good in bed, who he considered sleeping with more than once, but in the end, his “logic” gets the best of him and he moves on to the next girl. However, no matter how many girls he hooks up with, he always feels like something is missing.

Track 12: Stinkfist- TOOL

This song is a representation of the way in which Blaine constantly seeks out new thrills in order to satisfy his chronic boredom. Every-day life bores him, so he goes out seeking stimulation by destroying things around him. However, there’s only so far he can go before he gets bored again. His intrusive thoughts are always telling him to go deeper and deeper into illegal activities, but his logical side must pull him back so he doesn’t go over the edge and end up injured or arrested.

Track 13: Wrecking Ball- Mother Mother

The emotion Blaine has the most frequent spikes in is anger. His anger spikes, combined with his chronic boredom, result in a lot of destruction. He wrecks things around him, both physically and metaphorically, for no reason other than that he can. Like a wrecking ball, he swings aimlessly, not necessarily caring what gets destroyed or who gets hurt in the process.

Track 14: Killer In The Mirror- Set It Off

In February 2021, Blaine began taking boxing lessons. Boxing has helped him release his pent up anger without delving into illegality. When he boxes, he thinks of those who have crossed him and imagines that he’s beating them to a pulp. Not only is the song about him boxing, but it also represents the way in which life has toughened him to the point where trusting people isn’t easy and he feels he’s the only person he can truly rely on for the important things in life.

Track 15: Talk To You- Ricky Montgomery 

This is another track to reflect his feelings about his mother. In recent months, Blaine has found himself thinking about her more and more. He knows he can’t change what happened, and he doesn’t want to change anything about himself, but he often wonders what his life would have been like if she hadn’t died. He wishes he could talk to her one last time and know whether or not she’s proud of him. 

[rosethornewrites]

Fic: this body yet survives, ch. 3

Relationship: Lán Zhàn | Lán Wàngjī/Wèi Yīng | Wèi Wúxiàn

Characters: Lán Zhàn | Lán Wàngjī, Lán Huàn | Lán Xīchén, Lán Qǐrén, Wèi Yīng | Wèi Wúxiàn, Jiāng Chéng | Jiāng Wǎnyín, Jiāng Yànlí

Additional Tags: No War AU, Recovery, Trauma, Dissociation, Courtship, Courting Rituals

Summary: Lan Wangji and Wei Ying go to Caiyi, but have an unexpected encounter.

Notes: See end

Parts 1 & 2

Chapter 1 | 2 

AO3 link

----------------

Wangji soaked in Wei Ying’s good cheer, how he flitted around the mountain path on the way to Caiyi to examine anything that caught his eye. He had to discourage him from capturing another rabbit for the herd in Cloud Recesses; after all, they would have to go back if he was successful, and they had not yet reached their destination.

“On the way home, then,” Wei Ying said, his grin as wide as those during his days as a student, and Wangji’s heart clenched in joy to see it.

Caiyi was bustling, the fishermen hawking the morning catch, and Wei Ying held back a little at the chaos of it, staying closer to Wangji, reminding him that he was still fragile, still easily overwhelmed. This was the first trip to town since he had truly started to heal, after all.

Wangji had a mental map of the town and the places he wished to take him, purchases he wished to make; a gaun, scented oil for his hair, spicy foods—whatever Wei Ying wanted, he would have—and the personal additions to the betrothal gifts he would present to the Jiang siblings.

As hesitant as he seemed to enter the crowd, Wei Ying was also fascinated by the fish hawking, curious about the tubs of live catch. He stopped to watch a turtle for a bit, fascinated by the markings on the top of its neck that resembled eyes. It was a colorful specimen, with a dark brown shell and distinctive markings.

“Do you want it?” Wangji asked softly. 

Wei Ying smiled at him, but it didn’t reach his eyes.

“Where would I put it? The Cold Spring? Your uncle would kick me out.”

Wangji frowned, troubled that Wei Ying still thought, even jokingly, he would be discarded so easily, that his place was so tenuous. He had to remind himself that shufu and xiongzhang would clarify that today, that he would soon realize the Cloud Recesses was his home. 

“There is a small pond outside the jingshi,” he offered.

“‘Pets are forbidden,’ Lan Zhan. You don’t need more creatures to take care of.”

He wondered if they were speaking of the turtle anymore. 

“Not a pet,” Wangji clarified. “It is a wild thing, and could live to old age there, protected.”

As he hoped Wei Ying himself would in the jingshi with him—not as a caged creature, but as his beloved, loved as he deserved.

Wei Ying was quiet for a moment, watching the turtle, but finally nodded.

“Let’s rescue it, then,” he murmured, his voice rough. “So it won’t end up someone’s dinner tonight.”

Turtles, after all, were symbols of longevity, power, and tenacity. In some ways, they represented what Wei Ying had endured and survived. He had endured so much, had defeated the water he had been left in to die. Turtles were seen as powerful bringers of luck and serenity, both things Wei Ying could use. Perhaps this encounter, their purchase of it, was auspicious. 

He stayed close as Wangji purchased it and smiled more sincerely when he handed him a covered basket with the turtle secured inside.

“We will release it in the pond when we return home,” he told him softly, mentally adding the bookseller to his list of places to go so they could find a book on turtles. 

They wandered toward the market, Wei Ying moving carefully so as not to jostle the turtle. The bookseller was first, and they perused the shelves together, quickly finding a suitable book. 

Wangji noticed Wei Ying’s eyes lingering on a book of poetry and pulled it from the shelf, curious. It was a collection of the poems of Ruan Ji and Ji Kang, two notable sages in a time of turbulent wars, and rumored lovers. He could see the blush on Wei Ying’s face, and felt his own ears heat as he recalled that one of the two had written homoerotic poetry; he wondered if this volume contained them. 

He bought both books, slipping them in his qiankun pouch. They could read them together. 

At the stall with scented oils for hair, Wei Ying seemed lost at the number of options, and looked to Wangji for help. 

“You can try smaller amounts of different ones until you find one you like,” Wangji said softly, “but this might fit you.”

He had the vendor mix a small sample of orange and cinnamon for Wei Ying to smell and was pleased to see the scents seemed to relax him. Wangji was happy to purchase it.

Wei Ying, he knew, often let his hair go, not taking care of it. He would take charge of it personally, he decided, perhaps enlisting Jiang Yanli’s help while they were courting, when it would be a bit inappropriate for him to do so.

Wangji noticed a stall of colorful candies and stopped to buy Wei Ying tanghulu. This seller, he knew, removed the hawthorn seeds and replaced them with red bean paste before glazing them with sugar.

He took a bite when Wei Ying offered, enjoying the sweet and tart mixtures, the crunch followed by the meatiness of the hawthorn and the soft cream of the bean paste. Wei Ying happily munched on the rest on the way to the next stall. 

Before they reach it, Wei Ying froze, the mostly-eaten tanghulu falling from his fingers to the ground. Wangji followed his gaze and found Jin Zixuan at a nearby stall, along with Madam Jin—who, he recalled, was the sworn sister of Madam Yu.

Wangji could hear Wei Ying’s breath, how it had started to speed up, and recognized he was in the beginning of a panic attack. He turned to face him, moving Wei Ying so he could still see her in his peripheral vision—he already knew she was there, and could panic worse if he couldn’t see her, but he tried to encourage him to focus on him. 

“I am here,” Wangji told him. “You are not alone.”

Wei Ying managed a nod, taking deep breaths and pressing one thumb to the opposite palm, something the mind healers had taught him to help him find calm.

Jin Zixuan approached, Madam Jin hanging back. He bowed and Wangji bowed back, noting that Wei Ying did the same, shaking slightly.

“Lan-er-gongzi, Wei-gongzi, we intended to visit Cloud Recesses. I didn’t realize you would be in Caiyi.”

He sounded apologetic, and Wangji knew he could see Wei Ying struggling. 

“Wei-gongzi, my mother has come to speak with you.”

A panicked noise, so soft Wangji was sure only he heard it, escaped Wei Ying, his breath stuttering again. His knuckles were white, his hand clenched around the basket handle. 

Madam Jin was looking at Wei Ying with an expression that bordered on pity, he realized.

“I apologize for your ill treatment at the hands of my former sworn sister, Wei Wuxian,” she said bluntly, bowing low to him. “And for the discomfort my presence has brought you.”

Confusion washed over Wei Ying’s face at her words, but he also seemed to focus, coming out of his panic.

“Former?” he asked, his voice hoarse.

Madam Jin nodded.

“I could not continue being her sworn sister after what she did to you, her own ward. It was inexcusable.”

Wei Ying looked lost, almost dizzy, and Wangji placed a hand on his upper arm in case he fell.

“Over something as small as talismans to change the color of the tea,” Jin Zixuan muttered.

Wangji felt Wei Ying tremble, the memory tied up in his near-death. He had stuck talismans to the undersides of each sect leader’s teapot, and the tea had come out in the sect’s main color—Jiang Fengmian’s, violet; Nie Mingjue’s, deep green; xiongzhang’s, a pale blue; Wen Ruohan’s, crimson; Jin Guangshan’s, golden. Even minor sect leaders’ teapots had transformed the color of their tea.

The talismans had changed nothing else about the tea, neither flavor nor quality, and had been well-received by the sect leaders when Wei Ying had explained the tea was safe.

“Just an extra treat for the discussion conference,” he had said with a respectful bow and a cheeky smile.

Madam Yu had ordered him out, stalking after him, and it had been the last time anyone had seen Wei Ying until Jiang Yanli found him so close to death.

“I revealed lax security, she said,” Wei Ying murmured, his voice hollow.

He was shaking more obviously now, and Wangji moved closer as he swayed. They had never spoken of the incident, and he had no idea how Wei Ying might react.

“That’s ridiculous!” Jin Zixuan muttered, the anger in his voice surprising. “Of course you had access as head disciple.”

His comment seemed to jolt Wei Ying out of what Wangji had feared might be the beginning of a fugue, and he started at the Jin heir blankly, like he hadn’t expected a defense from him.

Wangji approved of his anger, befitting one who would be Wei Ying’s brother in law. Madam Yu’s actions had clearly led to a change in Jin Zixuan for the better. He could remember, vaguely, the young man trying to comfort Jiang Yanli as she sobbed, telling her that her brother was strong, he would be okay. Wangji had been far more focused on Wei Ying, leaving him only to help the Jiang siblings pack his belongings and expedite their departure, and only in the care of xiongzhang.

“We are bringing up bad memories,” Madam Jin realized, her voice regretful. “I actually wish to commission you for your talisman work, Wei Wuxian.”

Wei Ying swallowed hard, clearly making an effort to stay present mentally. 

“What kind of talisman, Jin-furen?”

She offered him a gentle smile.

“I’d prefer not to discuss it in the street. Let me treat you to lunch, and we can get a private room and chat. With Lan Wangji and my son present, of course.”

Wangji realized she was trying to assure Wei Ying she did not wish him ill, would not seek to harm him, and perhaps was letting him know as well.

Wei Ying gave a jerky nod, glancing at him as though for reassurance. He decided to lead the way to the restaurant he had intended to take him to for lunch, a place known for spicy fare but with dishes that suited his own palate. It happened to have private dining rooms, which Wangji had intended for them anyway, so Wei Ying would have a break from people.

The move put the Jins behind them, he realized when Wei Ying clung to his arm, but the walk was blessedly short. Madam Jin was kind enough to lead the way up the stairs, clearly recognizing Wei Ying’s distress. He was thankful that she also allowed Wei Ying to decide where in the smaller room to sit, deferring to him in a way that most people of her station would not.

Though her kindness was not unselfish—she did, after all, want something—he appreciated it nonetheless. He led Wei Ying to a seat around the table, where he could see the door, a window nearby to facilitate escape if needed, both things that might make him feel more secure.

Wangji worried Wei Ying might eat little, a behavior that manifested when he was stressed, but he could do nothing to alleviate that.

“May we speak before we eat?” Madam Jin asked after settling across from them with her son. “If you decide against taking the commission, I will still purchase lunch. It is the least I can do given your willingness to speak with me.”

Wei Ying nodded again, grasping Wangji’s hand under the table. Wangji squeezed gently, trying to reassure him.

“As you may be aware, my husband has… dallied,” she began.

Jin Zixuan’s face turned a bit sour at this, and Wangji was reminded of Wei Ying’s question to him when he asked for permission to court Jiang Yanli.

“Given… recent events, I have decided it would be prudent to find the children resulting from his indiscretions.”

Wei Ying’s gaze sharpened a bit.

“For what purpose?” he asked softly.

Wangji squeezed his hand again, knowing his thoughts; Wei Ying would not wish to create anything that could result in deaths.

Madam Jin smiled, as though the question pleased her.

“To protect them. I will not legitimize them, but I want them and their mothers, who were perhaps lied to or coerced, or whose freedom needs to be bought from brothels, to be safe and cared for. The children should have the opportunity to learn to cultivate and have a relationship with my son as their half-brother, along with their other half-siblings.”

She sighed softly. 

“All involved are innocents, and I could stay bitter as I once was and wish them ill, but after… what was done to you, I don’t wish to be that person. The world could mistake that behavior as acceptable, as there have been few consequences. I want to offer an alternative.”

Wei Ying seemed to need to take several breaths, his hand tightening on Wangji’s for a moment, before he could nod. Wangji could see a suspicious sheen to his eyes, and realized Wei Ying was overcome by Madam Jin’s desire to make right somehow, to force something positive to result from what was done to him.

“One to find, and one to also test those who step forth with claims?” Wei Ying asked after he had calmed. 

Madam Jin let out a breath, looking relieved, almost as though she had been concerned Wei Ying would not be up to the task, perhaps still too traumatized. 

Not long ago, he would have been, Wangji had to admit. But he was getting better, and he had never stopped inventing new talismans. 

“Yes, that would also be useful,” she said. “Thank you.”

“There would likely be a limit on distance,” Wei Ying told her. “But I’d have to experiment with options and prototypes.”

Madam Jin set a large bag of gold in front of him, and Wei Ying’s eyes widened.

“This is a down payment. I understand it may take time, and there is no rush. I will reimburse you for any materials needed, if that becomes an issue.”

Wei Ying looked up at her, frowning slightly.

“I will need your husband’s blood,” he said. “Unless you want me to focus on the sibling aspect, and then I could use Jin Zixuan’s.”

Wangji realized this was Wei Ying’s way of asking if this was being done secretly, without Sect Leader Jin’s knowledge.

Madam Jin actually laughed softly. 

“Oh, you are bright,” she said, her voice full of delighted praise. “My husband is still claiming innocence, and is not willing to take part in this project. My son has kindly offered to help instead.”

Wangji tried not to be concerned about the implications that this could be against Sect Leader Jin’s wishes. Wei Ying was under the protection of Gusu Lan now, and he would defend him personally if need be.

Jin Zixuan pulled out a pouch and slid it gently across the table.

“Several vials of my blood. I can provide more if needed.”

Wei Ying looked momentarily shocked at the implied level of trust—the amount of blood needed to harm someone via a curse or hex was miniscule, after all—and attempted a smile. 

“I’ll try not to waste any.”

Jin Zixuan only nodded, and Wangji took the bag to slip into his qiankun pouch. Wei Ying handed him the pouch of money without looking at him, the exchange made less simple by the fact that Wei Ying didn’t let go of his hand under the table. Though his grip wasn’t tight, Wangji refused to break it, refused to let go when he needed him.

Madam Jin slid the door open to let the servers know they were ready for tea.

Wei Ying’s gaze had gone a bit glassy, though his eyes were moving as he thought, perhaps distracted by ideas for the talisman. Wangji resolved to ensure Wei Ying ordered and ate plenty, knowing he might need prompting. He knew they would return to Cloud Recesses following this, without a replacement for Wei Ying’s broken guan, and without additional gifts for the Jiang siblings. Wei Ying would need time to rest before meeting with shufu and xiongzhang, particularly after the strain he had just endured.

They would release the turtle in front of the jingshi together, and Wangji would play the guqin for him while he rested. Then, following the meeting, wherein Wei Ying’s status would be clarified, Wangji would seek permission from his siblings to court him.

He ran his thumb across the back of Wei Ying’s hand, and was relieved when the act was returned, when the glassiness left his eyes and he looked at him with a tired-looking smile.

------------

I didn’t really expect the turtle thing, but it happened kind of organically as I was bringing Caiyi to life. Wei Ying is going to name it Tang 汤, meaning ‘soup,’ because of course he is. This particular turtle is a species native to mountainous regions of southern China, the four-eyed turtle. And now I need to do more research on turtles because of course I do.

In addition to Wei Ying’s recovery, this fic is also in part about the cultivation world’s reaction to what Yu Ziyuan did, in that there are some consequences. Hence Madam Jin dissolving their sworn sisterhood and commissioning Wei Ying. Her decision to take in and ensure Jin Guangshan’s bastards and mistresses are cared for is partially out of spite for what her former sworn sister did, but is also the result of some soul-searching on her part. This is not Madam Jin assuming that Wei Ying is Jiang Fengmian’s secret bastard son, btw.

As I’ve noted in other MDZS fics I’m writing, I like to explore how a point of change can cascade to change other things, so I am back on my bullshit. Also, I think this makes the third fic where I’ve referenced Ruan Ji and Ji Kang. I just bought a book of their translated poetry that’s supposed to be delivered next week.

[ilguna]

Tacenda - Chapter Two (f.o)

Summary: you’ll never truly be free from the Capitol.

Word Count; 6k

Warnings; swearing, DEATH MENTION

NOTES: i give reader a last name to fit the world.

–

You join Finnick’s side, taking his hand in yours. The both of you are squeezing hard, not looking at each other, but straight ahead as Elysia wraps this up. You get a wave of deja vu when you look back at your family.

Reed is standing tall, staring right at you. There’s betrayal on his face, he didn’t know that this was a possibility. He knew that Annie was supposed to be volunteered over, but that’s about it. He didn’t realize that if Finnick were to go in, you would follow right behind him.

They all should have seen it coming the second that Elysia had started with the boys. It was a dead giveaway. In all her years of representing, it’s started with the girls, and you don’t break a pattern like that. Representatives are supposed to be consistent with things.

Elysia played it off well though, she had practiced it thoroughly. She didn’t skip a single beat and easily pulled out the boys name. She didn’t mess up and accidentally reach for the girls bowl.

Mox looks teary-eyed as usual. He might be all the way in the back, but you have come to know this look. He could be miles and miles away and you’d know instantly if he were on the verge of tears. Mox can’t handle things like this, one trauma after another, it ruins him.

As for Alyssum, she doesn’t know what to think. She’s standing there, confused as she occasionally looks to Reed for answers. She knows that you love Finnick dearly, and she knows that you would go to the ends of the earth for him. She just hasn’t put the pieces together yet. Wherever he goes, you go.

Annie has stopped crying, she’s silent. The other victors whisper back and forth, you can see them from the corners of your eyes. They’ll lean over and share certain looks. Even for them, this might be a shock.

No one with a sane mind would willingly volunteer to go into this arena. You won’t be competing with regular people, you’re competing with other victors. Twenty-two other victors who are just as deadly as you and Finnick. They won their games because they manipulated it to be theirs.

To volunteer is a death wish. And you just signed up for it.

Before you and Finnick are escorted off the stage, Finnick turns you to him, cupping your face softly. Then, he kisses you in front of everyone. You can hear the hearts of everyone in the Capitol breaking at once. Because this is what they’ll be sending in this year.

After that, the peacekeepers are tight behind you. Elysia leads the way mostly, and she begins to head off to the rooms where you guys go to say goodbye to your family, but a peacekeeper grabs her arm, redirecting her.

This is when you put your foot down, “You’re not getting me on that train if I don’t get to say goodbye.”

“New rules.”

“Fuck your rules!” you yell, planting your feet, “I get to say goodbye, everyone gets to say goodbye–”

“Not anymore.”

The peacekeeper goes to grab you, but Finnick steps in front, acting as a barrier between the two of you. Because of this, there’s two peacekeepers on him, grabbing his arms and dragging him towards the cars. He struggles, squirming in their grasp.

When the other two finally turn to you, and see that you still haven’t moved, they bring out their batons. If there’s one thing that you’ve learned after watching countless people get punished with it, you don’t want to be touched. You don’t want to be hit by them.

“Don’t touch her!” Finnick shouts.

The peacekeepers don’t swing at you, it must have been for intimidation to get you to cooperate easier. But the thing is, you’ve stared death straight in the face too many times. These peacekeepers are absolutely nothing to him. They don’t have the same feeling as he does.

They grab you roughly, Elysia tries to tell them to let you go, but they don’t listen. In no time, you’re letting your body get dragged, not participating in the walking part. The peacekeepers are growing frustrated by this, and they try to get you onto your feet over and over.

They can’t hurt you. They can’t lay a goddamn finger on you, because you need to go into that arena without a single injury to be recorded.

Mags is there at the car when you all show up. You watch as she swats away the peacekeepers when you’re close enough. Her face twists with anger, and she points at the men that were holding you.

Elysia slides in first, next is Mags. Finnicks helps you in, and then follows as soon as you’re comfortable. The door is forced shut, and they lock.

Mags doesn’t look happy in the slightest, but she should feel how you do. If she’s mad, then that means you’re on a whole new level of it.

None of you talk about what had just happened. The ride is quiet, and short. All of you are at the station before you know it. Finnick helps you out of the car, and then proceeds to do the same for Mags and Elysia.

You guys are brought up the staircase, and when you turn to look out at who’s saying goodbye, you’re surprised, to say the least.

The whole district looks like they’re here. Your family is up front, Alyssum is on Reed’s shoulders, and Mox holds her back to make sure that she doesn’t fall off backwards. Annie is holding onto Reed’s jacket sleeve, and she gives you a look full of pure gratitude.

Caspian’s family is waving. The parents of those kids that you had lost are waving. The people that allowed you to train for the past few months, are waving. Your mother’s friends, your father’s friends. The kids that had gone to school with you and Finnick.

Everyone is here for a final goodbye.

You and Finnick are definitely on camera again. You wonder if they also have microphones, or if it’s going to be completely silent.

You raise your hand like you did ten years ago, beginning to wave slightly, “Thank you, District Four. For being my home.”

Finnick does the same, “Don’t forget about us.”

Of course, they want to get you onto the train quickly after that, and so you turn to your family, blowing them a kiss instead. Alyssum’s eyes fill with tears, Mox has to bite down onto his lip to keep from crying. And Reed nods at you.

You and Finnick head into the train with Mags. Elysia follows a second later. The doors slide shut, and it’s a moment of stillness. Complete silence, and then the train starts moving.

Suddenly, all eyes are on you.

“What happened to Mags volunteering?” Finnick asks, “Wasn’t that the plan?”

“It was one of the plans.” you tell him, and the look of confusion only lasts for a moment.

“There was more than one?”

You shrug slightly, “It depended on the circumstances. If you got called, then I would go too. If someone else got called, then I would have let Mags volunteer.”

Suddenly, Finnick isn’t very happy, “You were planning to come with me all along.”

“You would have done the same, Finnick.” You snap slightly, “Had the girls gone first, and I volunteered, wouldn’t you have followed?”

“There’s a difference there.” he tells you, “You wouldn’t have willingly volunteered unless…” he’s putting the pieces together now, “Unless you knew.”

You nod, “That’s why Elysia called boys first.”

Elysia raises her hands as if she’s surrendering, “Leave me out of this.”

There’s a calm moment, where you’re all just staring at each other, not knowing what to say about the situation next. Because it’s been done, Mags can’t volunteer over you, that’s not how it works. And she can’t replace you, because that’s not how it works. You’re going into the games with Finnick.

“That wasn’t very smart of you.” Finnick says quietly.

“I wouldn’t let you go in without me.” you tell him, “We both know how it is inside of there. You have me to look out for you now.”

This is when he turns to you, grabbing your shoulders, “(Y/n), don’t you get it? If we both make it to the end of those games, then only one of us makes it home. You’ve screwed us.”

“Who says we can’t make it home together?” you ask, “Who says we have to?”

“That’s not possible—“

“The rules have been bent once.” You remind him, “Did you forget what happened last year?”

“Did you forget the repercussions for it?” He counters, “The districts are rioting. There’s stricter rules. Imagine what would happen if we tried to do the same.”

“He’s right.” Mags says quietly.

“I know he is.” you tell Mags, “Finnick and I need to speak privately for a while.”

Finnick’s face twists now, because everything that happens between you two, is in front of everyone else to see. There are no secrets in a tight-knit community like yours. Your family, Mags, Annie and even Caspian’s family are let in on everything. There’s normally no reason to keep things from each other.

However, this time it’s different. This is a Finnick and you moment.

The rules have changed this year. There are new ones, and there are changed ones. For all you know, there could be a hundred different cameras placed on every possible surface inside of every single thing they could fit them into. Just like the hunger games, you move, and they know it. They know your location at all times.

This hasn’t bothered you before. You knew that the peacekeepers would probably listen in on conversations and report the serious ones to people higher up. But you were always so careful with words. Back then, it could be your word against the peacekeeper. If they have cameras now, though, video footage.

You look to Elysia and Mags, “We’ll be back by supper. Leave us be, please.”

Finnick takes your hand before you reach over. He lets you pull him from one car to another. When you finally get to the one that holds both yours and Finnick’s rooms–two rooms are required to be provided no matter what, no one would be bothered if you and Finnick were to stay in the same room, though–Finnick tries to go to your room.

You stop him silently, shaking your head and pulling him to his own room. Then, you’re sure to poke a button near the door that locks the door in place. It can be overridden, but only by the peacekeepers. They typically do this if they’re suspicious that the tributes are harming themselves. It’s happened once before, they’re always wary that it’ll happen again.

You don’t stop in the bedroom area though, you continue along to the bathroom. Pulling him inside, locking the door a second time, and then you turn on the shower and place it to the loudest settings. Finnick winces at the noise, but the both of you hang around for a moment while you get adjusted.

Of course, there could always be cameras inside of the bathroom, and likely microphones that can pick up everything, but it’s the inconvenience of it that matters. If they have to put in too much effort, they’re not going to want to. They have better things to be wasting their resources on.

“You wouldn’t be so stupid to think that I wouldn’t come here, right?” you ask him, sitting on the counter.

Finnick sighs, “I thought the plan would be for you to stay in the district. Safe at home.”

“I would have come with you to the Capitol, still.” you shake your head, “As a mentor.”

“It was a safer option.”

You laugh bitterly, “Finnick, would you have let me go into that arena without you if the roles were reversed?”

“To ease your mind, yes.” Finnick looks confident in his answer.

You can’t help but to call his bullshit, “You would rather watch me die over a flat-screen tv than in person? You’d rather watch some random ass tribute give me a final goodbye, than you?” you lean in now, “You wouldn’t like to hold me in your arms one last time?”

Finnick clearly sees the difference now.

“I’m going in with you, because I want to be with you.” you tell him, “I’m doing this because I’m selfish, and I love you. And I want to spend every waking moment with you.

“I knew that if you were to go into the games alone, you might not come out the same person as you are now. I would rather take all the chances than none at all.”

Finnick nods slowly, going over to you with his arms outstretched. You pull him into your body tightly, feeling him squeeze. The both of you welcome the silence now.

“Finnick, we need to consider the possibilities of a rebellion.” You whisper to him very, very quietly.

Finnick gets down a little lower so it’s easier to hear and be even quieter, “The games had to have been a punishment.”

That is obvious. Everything is set up so perfectly. The Quarter Quell was a slap to the face to all districts and victors. It’s because this is the way that the Capitol will fight back. The districts are never in control, the Capitol will keep things running.

Snow will never stop flexing the power that he holds. If there’s a chance of a rebellion, he’s going to do anything he can to end the possibility of it. Which is why there’s stricter rules, the whole curfew, peacekeepers getting in your business, and all of that. You know for a fact that it wasn’t just four, you were getting phone calls from other districts–and you were talking to the governor–asking and telling you how things have changed.

Districts like eleven are already pretty strict. They stick to the rules as tightly as possible, so you can only imagine what had happened. Worse punishments, more rules. It gives no stretching room, and it aggravates the districts even more because they can’t do what they want.

In your opinion, Snow is going about this all wrong. He can kill the people in the districts, and he can shove things down your throats, but the reality of the situation is, is that’s just going to spark even more resistance. You guys are going to want to get free to get away from this.

“Yes,” you tell Finnick, moving some of his hair, “It was.”

A few hours later, after you and Finnick have turned off the shower, you just sit in his room for a little while. You figured that if the Capitol were going to bug rooms, it would be yours. It didn’t stop you from going into yours briefly to grab a hold of the box of training stuff.

Finnick sat in the hammock, playing around with knives while you messed around with knots and fires. More practice to keep it fresh in your mind. Eventually Finnick got bored and joined you on the floor. Over the years he’s learned a few of the knots that you were teaching the tributes, but never go all of them down.

The thing is, is that they’re all practically useless. Most of them hold the same use. Tie things together, or keep things in the knot. This is why you only teach a couple to the kids. Most they already know for fishing lines anyway, it’s the rope ones that are different. Of course, the chances of coming across something that resembles a rope is one in a hundred.

The vines in your games were perfect for tying. With the little spikes in them, it could do damage to a tribute without them knowing. You only figured it out that the vines had thorns because you dipped your hands in the salt water. Had that not happened, you would have been absolutely clueless.

Imagine how raw your hands could have been. Climbing things would have been impossible to do without the palms of your hands hurting. On top of that, imagine getting the vines tied around you, and it moving that way. Suddenly the little cuts are all over your body, and there’s not really anything you can do.

Ask the sponsors for some healing cream, you suppose. But it would have been weird to gift that to a tribute, especially when on the surface, they have nothing wrong with them. From far away, they look normal. You remember seeing this during the recap of the games.

The Capitol had no clue–beside the gamemakers–that they had thorns on them. When you had revealed it, only then did the Capitol know. Caesar had even popped up on screen long enough to explain what was going on. Unfortunately, the vines weren’t poisonous, which would have been absolutely genius.

Slowly dying to something that you have no idea about. You can’t see that there’s cuts on your hands, or that there’s thorns on the vines. The tribute would be slowly deteriorating, maybe some terrible blood poisoning or organ failure or something. The gamemakers would be able to engineer poison like that.

You’re just glad that the Capitol isn’t necessarily that smart. Sure, they were sadistic enough to come up with the hunger games, but you doubt that they use most of their brain power.

After all, with a whole idea of a rebellion, if all the people stop working, they get nothing in the Capitol. No food, no clothes, no electronics or electricity, no lumber, they get absolutely nothing. Because you guys are the ones that are providing the supplies.

It’s funny how they rely on a bunch of people to make their things for them. There is so much more people in the districts than there is in the Capitol. But the only thing that has stopped your ancestors the first time, and will probably hinder you this time are two things. The first, and very important one, is that the Capitol is very ahead when it comes to technology.

They have the most electricity, it’s constantly fueled there. Unlike here in the districts, where it’s every couple of hours, except for during the games. Only then, is power most consistent. In the poorer districts, they get an hour or two at most of electricity. Of course, that’s not the only thing that the Capitol has.

More weapons, they have peacekeepers, they have food, they have technology. They have the gamemakers and hundreds of different models for mutations that they haven’t gotten to test out yet, but you bet that they’re dying to try. They’ve got hovercrafts, and nuclear technology.

When it comes to a rebellion, all of you guys would be absolutely fucked because you aren’t on the same playing field. And you haven’t even mentioned the second part that would make it difficult for you guys to fight the Capitol. Which is, they’re surrounded by mountains. To get to them, would be so extremely hard.

They would see you guys from every position. The only real way to even get to the Capitol would be through the same way that the train runs. And holy shit would that be fucking obvious.

Finnick passes some rolls to you. You take one, knawing on it mindlessly as you stare out the window that’s above Elysia’s head. It’s long since turned dark, there isn’t really anything to see but the stars and the moon. However, there is no moon, and from all the pollution of the old world, the stars are a rare sight to see.

By tomorrow morning, you guys should be inside of the Capitol. A short ride, as it is every year. It just so happens to be that District Four is fairly close to the place. You guys are always one of the first people to arrive to the Capitol. You’re not exactly sure who follows soon after, probably the careers. But districts like twelve and eleven are pretty damn far away.

“Have you guys seen the tributes for this year?” Elysia asks politely.

Finnick knows that your mind is elsewhere, “Not yet.”

Elysia nods slightly, and then, “Would you like to watch it after?”

“Sure,” your voice is soft, as you then look down to your empty hands. Then, back up again at one of the avoxes, “Can I please get another bowl of stew?”

“Here we go with the stuffing.” Finnick jokes.

“And water.” you add, smiling, “Thank you.”

“Same here, if you don’t mind.” Finnick holds up his bowl for them to fill.

You’re lucky that you and Finnick hadn’t gotten stuck with some rude representative that treats the avoxes like traitors as they supposedly are. Elysia still uses her manners very strictly, and she thanks them every single time. At any point, they could turn on you guys, but there must be something in your eyes that stops them from doing it.

Of course, they’re spread across practically everywhere. Household maids practically, standing at bedside waiting for orders. Normally, you’re supposed to order them around and not ask them questions. Don’t treat them as humans, rather like artificial intelligence that can’t feel.

But they are humans, and they do think, and feel and have beliefs just the same as you guys. They have hopes and dreams, and just because of one simple mistake they had made, they ended up here. You know why they’re made, that’s no secret. There’s a variety of reasons, but the main one is the most dangerous one.

Running away from the district. In order to do this, you have to be smart about all the moves you make. You have to be agile, and smart in survival skills. You have to be prepared, and it’s best to be forgotten about in the district. The only time they’ll really know that your missing is when the reaping comes around.

Hopefully, people are smart enough to run away, and run far, months before the reaping comes around. If they know that you’re missing on reaping day, they’ll check houses first, but they’ll be quick to come to the conclusion that you ran into the woods. If you went months beforehand, then there’s no way that they’ll be able to catch you. They won’t be able to pinpoint when you had ran, if you’re invisible in the district, and they might even overlook you for that exact reason.

Running isn’t smart though. It’s only for the people that understand every single thing that’s out in the woods and desert. The bears, wolves, coyotes, snakes, and more that hide out there. The worst time would be to go during the fall and winter, and yet that’s the only option. The games come to the end of spring and the beginning of summer, almost.

Anyway, the point is, is that when people treat the avoxes as slaves rather than people, it pisses you off. It makes you sick to your stomach, because they’re forced to work all hours of the day for people who don’t realize how privileged they are. The poor avoxes are made from district people. They get to watch as the Capitol people waste the food that’s given to them.

The pills they take to make themselves throw up so they can keep eating… you haven’t ever used one yourself, and you hope that day will never come. Because some people in the districts aren’t eating at all. And to take advantage…

You and Finnick finish eating pretty quickly. Soon, you’re full. Finnick had filled up faster than you had, which isn’t very surprising, you did that the first time around too. Finnick had watched you fill up on at least six bowls before you felt like you were going to throw up. And that’s six bowls of stew, five rolls, and so many glasses of water.

Mags joins you, Finnick and Elysia at the train car with the tv and couch. Off to the side is a bar with freshments too. You take this time to grab more water, and Finnick follows your lead. Finnick throws his arm around your shoulders, pulling you into his body as the both of you start the program.

District One’s stage is almost completely covered with tributes. From young to old, there is more than twenty-five people standing on that stage, and you think to yourself that it’s an actual mystery on who will be called for them. It’s a mystery to most districts, of course.

But for them, they can’t calculate the one-in-four chance like you can. They won’t be able to get it down to the nitty gritty the same way you can. A total of seven victors in your district is different from a district with over fifteen. You don’t know how to explain it exactly, but it’s just how it goes.

They go with girls first, the male representative dips his hand into the bowl and pulls out a single paper, as usual. He opens the slip of paper easily, and much to your surprise, and quite frankly your horror, you’re forced to listen to Cashmere’s name get pulled out of the bowl.

“Oh fuck.” the words slip out of your mouth before you can think about it.

And much, much to your dismay, you watch as Gloss gets pulled right after her. No one volunteers over them. They hold hands, they smile proudly. And funnily enough, they look like opposites. With Cashmere wearing all black and Gloss wearing beige. Fashionable clothes though, you wouldn’t expect anything less from the district one tributes.

Next is the second district, obviously. For a moment, you think it can’t get any worse, asking yourself ‘what are the odds?’. Slim, because there’s more than fifteen tributes on both girls and boys sides. There’s absolutely no one.

Enobaria’s name is called, and you can hear your ears turn to ringing. Watching blankly as she grins her pointed tooth grin. She looks proud when she takes her spot. Right after girls, are boys.

“Fuck!” Finnick shouts.

Brutus.

He volunteered over who was pulled. If he hadn’t volunteered, then you guys would be in the clear. If there’s anyone you wouldn’t ever want to come across in an arena, it’s Brutus. He’s big in the beefy way. He’s violent, not just because of how he looks, but because of how he won his games. Him and Enobaria fit the same bill, completely psychotic and an actual threat. He will arguably be the worst to come across in there.

“We’d have to kill him first.” you whisper, “We can’t let him live past the first day. He’d have to die in the bloodbath.”

Elysia glances at you nervously, seeing how much confidence you’re lacking, “He’s that bad?”

“He’s giant, Elysia.” Finnick tells her, shaking his head, “Strong. He would be able to strangle anyone to death in that arena. He gets his hands on someone, they’re as good as dead. Combat-wise, we stand no chance.”

District Three’s tributes are Wirress and Beetee. You’ve met both of them before, they’re very smart and kind. They won their games in unique ways, as most of you have. But it’s not everyday that you’re able to shock a couple of tributes at once and kill them that way.

If it came down to killing them, easy targets. Not much for combat. Would be able to survive longer than you guys though, by running, hunting and starting fires. Their district limits what they’re able to learn outside their jobs, so it puts them at an immediate disadvantage.

Not to mention, Wirress had gone a little crazy from her games too. She’s not all there completely, so you’re not sure how that will be able to hinder her abilities. You can imagine she’s not as bad as Annie, but there’s something similar to it. Maybe she can’t think straight, or she’s paranoid beyond belief.

After District Three, comes four. Here, you guys break the ladies-first streak, but Elysia makes it seem natural with how she goes about it. Here, you’re able to see Finnick’s face when he gets picked. He smiles brightly, waves a little bit. He plays it off smoothly, like it’s no shock.

There’s a puff to his chest, and he acts confident when he stands. He doesn’t look to where you are, it’s more that he watches Elysia closer when she picks the name out of the bowl. Here, you’re able to watch what it looks like from an outsiders perspective. This is what everyone had seen when the girls were pulled. The Capitol, the districts, the people of four.

First, Annie’s name is pulled and then called. You can see how Annie bursts into tears immediately, watch as Finnick relaxes slightly, and how your eyes dart to the nearest camera. Finnick is basically cut off on the side, but you’re able to see him clearly enough to watch his posture.

Mags goes to comfort Annie, and then there’s a change in your face. This is the moment when you decide that it’s time for you to volunteer. There’s a little smirk that comes across the corners of your lips, which gives away your whole idea. And then, when Mags twitches, you step forward with your hand held, and head ducked slightly.

With that posture, anyone would think that the words would come out of your mouth quietly. But it’s loud, your voice is loud and clear. You’re getting the message across, that you’re going back inside of the games. Finnick deflates for half a moment, but as soon as you join him, you’re holding hands and standing tall.

A united front. Together or not at all.

Next, District Five and Six aren’t as important. The only problem you have with six, is that they’re made up of morphlings. It’s not that they did turn to drugs to cope with the trauma after the games. It’s that they’re going to be difficult to find inside of the arena. They’re going to hide, and they’re going to do it well.

District Seven is up before you know it, which is when you’re sure people start to get interested again. Especially when Johanna is pulled from the bowl. You and Finnick don’t curse this one as much, even though it is going to be a pain in the ass. Johanna won her games a couple of years ago, played the damsel card well, and fooled everyone around her.

They let her be, which is what you’re going to want if you’re playing that card. It was when she got into the arena, where she completely surprised the people around her. Not to your surprise, but her weapon is an axe, respectively. She comes from district seven, it’s the lumber district, of course her choice is going to be an axe.

It’s a stereotype. The main career districts have their swords, district four has spears and tridents, seven has their axes, nine might be sythes because they’re a grain district. It’s the cliches that everyone expects. You’re sure there’s more.

After Johanna is Blight, you remember meeting him briefly. He’s nice, but never paid much attention to you. Same thing for Johanna, since she’s been mentoring for the past couple of years. She’ll say a brief ‘hello’ in passing, but doesn’t hold conversation well. She’s blunt, people see it as rude. She can’t help it, you imagine, she’s irritated as the rest of you.

District Eight follows, and you watch as Cecelia gets pulled.

“No.” you cover your mouth with your hands.

You know Cecelia well, she’s practically your best friend. She was at your wedding, with her husband and her kids. She’s married and has three kids now. On screen, you watch as they all clutch onto her tightly, some of them start crying.

Finnick squeezes your shoulder, “We can get her into our alliance.”

“We have to.” you tell him.

Next to be pulled is Woof, he’s older. He’s in his seventies and up. Mags recognizes him and shakes her head. He’s not going to survive in the games, he’s likely going to die on the first day for a variety of reasons. He won’t be able to run or defend himself as easily.

Nine and ten are also pretty irrelevant. You don’t know the names that are pulled, much less what their games were like. They’re older though, thirties and over, so you never stood a chance at knowing. They went in before you were even born.

For eleven, Seeder is pulled. She’s more of the prestigious type, very religious when it comes to things. She holds her head high, and you can respect that. But right after her, is Chaff. Who also had attended your wedding, an alcoholic right alongside Haymitch. You can only imagine what’s going to happen to him inside of the arena. Because withdrawal is a hell of a thing to experience.

Same goes for the morphlings. You wonder if they’ll be able to stand being sober for more than a couple of days. Of course, they can get drunk and high in the apartments all they want, but that’ll just screw their chances. You hope that all of them are easing themselves off of the drugs, otherwise they won’t last past the first couple of days either.

And finally, comes District Twelve. Three victors. No matter what happens, Katniss is going in. You watch as her name is pulled, and she stands where she needs to be, easily. Although, it looks like something else is going on, because she’s not as confident as you’d expect her to be.

She’s entering shark-infested waters. You’re going to want to keep your head up, even if that’s not how you’re feeling.

Their district representative pulls boys. Haymitch’s name has only been lingering in the air for half a second, and then Peeta is volunteering over him immediately. This is what she was afraid of, she doesn’t want Peeta to go back inside. You watch as they stand together, and then it cuts to Caesar.

“So?” Elysia asks, she probably doesn’t like how you two all of this in. You weren’t picking people out like you normally do.

Mags looks at you guys now.

Finnick sighs, “It’s a reaping full of victors, I don’t know what you want us to say.”

She’s quiet, and you get off of the couch, stretching slightly, “The thing is, is that they’re all amazingly skilled, and they all killed people, they all went through the same things that we did, and they all won.” you look to Elysia, “At one point, the Capitol had loved each and every one of them.”

Finnick nods, “They’re not going to know who to pick to favor. My advice is to talk us up and get as many people as you could possibly imagine to favor us again.”

You then start wandering off to the door that would lead you to your car, “I’m going to bed.”

Finnick is behind you, and the second that the door has shut behind you two, you’re rubbing your face, “What are you thinking?”

“They’re are so many people that they’re going to be torn between,” you say, “Gloss and Cashmere are siblings, won back to back games, they’re a favorite. Brutus is gigantic, anyone would be an idiot not to sponsor him. And coming across Enobaria would be like coming across a lion.”

“Well, Katniss and Peeta had just won their games. They’ve got a ton of people looking at them right now.”

He doesn’t even have to say it, and you’re already understanding. You and Finnick stop outside the rooms, and you look to him, “You’re a genius, Finnick.”

Finnick smiles, “I know.”

Katniss and Peeta have to be in the alliance.

[monumenttisland]

uhh my 2 cents of the SWH songs related to the tarot and meta narrative

♥  Dancing Devils: Begin Again

This song is about how unhappy the subject is in their relationship, and how their partner leaves them “Sad and scarred” However because this song is associated with The Devil, which represents attachment, addiction, and restriction, one can assume they feel an obligation or a dependency on the partner. One can infer that the subject’s partner is abusive or emotionally manipulative in some way. One interesting way I think this is illustrated is during Begin Again where the first devil seems to hang perilously off a cliff. The Fool dashes in to catch them before they fall, but in no time at all the dancing devil simply resumes flying and continues attacking the Fool. We understand that the devils have no trouble keeping themselves afloat and have the ability to soar through the air carefree, making this action seem like a very manipulative thing could do. This could be synonymous to a abuser pretending to be vulnerable to make a partner feel guilty enough to stay with them. The subject realizes that this is a poor way to live, and recognizes the toxicity in their relationship, even though they have since dismissed the strife until now. “I have tried to forget all the pain and regrets“. The subject decides they must ‘begin again’ by leaving this person and finding a new love, but this is never easy to do. Initially the song ominously echos “Begin again” as though it were a foreboding warning, but as the song goes on and the subject describes their unhappiness, the phrase begins to change. It becomes not a fear of loss or abandonment, but of hope. If they can ‘begin again’ despite how difficult it can be, they have the opportunity to truly be happy. They overcome the devils their chained to and brave the new world set before them.

♥  Howling Moons: Dead Of Night If the scenario for The Moon is to succeed the events of The Devil, then the theme and song here is about fear and uncertainty (which is what The Moon can represent). The lyrics for this song are very organic, in which the subject expresses “I don't know where to start In the search of the beat of your heart” emphasizing their anxiety to both being alone and finding love. In the level ‘Forest Ghost’ you follow and eventually ride a white deer which is a personification of The Emperor tarot card, which represents structure and knowledge. This could represent The Fool trying to find guidance in her time of change. The chorus talks about how the subject still feels lost without a partner, but despite this they decide to “Shake the pain, break away, leave it all behind / With a hint of dawn I'm already gone”. Meaning that despite their fears they’re still determined to persevere. However, the chorus contrasts to this statement. It describes how the subject doesn’t feel any emotional attachment to new people the way they did previously, and that new people are “Perfectly void of life / Lovers like zombies”. Alternatively this could be describing how the subject is exhibiting these traits and is emotionally detached to further avoid emotional trauma and heartache. The song goes on to describe how the subject wants the thrill of a new love, but is blinded by love in return. Perhaps after their previous relationship, they fear intimacy because they feel it’ll become toxic or empty like before. In the songs second verse, they go on to explain they still dream of a perfect love, one in which they can outrun death itself (death in this case means the end of love itself).

♥  Stereo Lovers: Mine The Lovers’ arc begins with The Tower card, which represents sudden change and chaos. Perhaps after being unable to find love, The Fool realizes their inability to love will lead them to ruin and in an act of despair they find a way to fulfill their loneliness. The Lovers’ tarot card represents love and harmony, the thing The Fool has been searching for, however the lyrics in Mine seem contradict to this. The song is upbeat and a more positive sounding song in the entire soundtrack, but the lyrics talk about how the subject doesn’t care for intimacy or any kind of real love, only the appearance of it. “Your wild heart glitters / And my eyes shine / You fit so perfectly / With all the golden things of mine” - this lyric might refer to another person who appears to be their perfect match for the subject, but as we’ve learned from Dead of Night, this doesn’t matter, the subject has abandoned any hope for real love and only seeks the ideal. In this, they acquire a new sense of confidence through materialistic love, in that the ideal match is simply themselves (hence why the Stereo Lovers are split in two). The facade is good enough for everyone else, so it should be for them. This kind of self-love is hollow as its only a means demonstrate a semblance of wholeness, of which the Stereo Lovers certainly are not. This is all a temporary solution to a much bigger problem as illustrated by The Tower and further emphasized by the Stereo Lovers destroying the road, forcing the Fool to fly on a tiny glider. Perhaps this act of wanting to be carefree and soar is the subject’s desire to be as unrestricted as their partner was during The Devil arc. This is a vain interpretation of love the subject has seems to have fallen into after The Moon’s arc, not for conceited reasons however, but out of necessity to feel okay.

♥ Hermit64: The World We Knew After experiencing the liberation of The Lovers self-love, The Hermit arc opens with The Chariot, which represents success and determination. Night Drift has the player drive freely on the open road of the “Desert of Doubts” only to come to a screeching halt at Hermit64, waiting patiently on their throne-like chair. The Hermit represents isolation and introspection, taking time to contemplate and understand both the self and the world. In the meta narrative established so far, I believe the subject finds themself doing just this, considering all their experiences with love thus far. They begin to slow down and take time alone and eventually find themself at a standstill in their life unable to continue. Hermit64 uses The World tarot, which represents achievements, wholeness, and completion, as the game running on their VR headset, and sends the Fool into it. In a sense, Hermit64 is playing The Fool in The World video game. The World We Knew is a slow and somber song with emotional peaks and valleys that plays during the subjects lowest point in their life. From the beginning of the song the lyrics describes the subjects thoughts quite literally on the world they know. “I’m too young to remember when the world was alive” - The subject is at a time in their life where they don’t feel they’ve experienced enough of life to have had a peak of a “golden era”. They haven’t felt alive since so much of their love life was spent in the relationship in The Devil’s arc they only realized recently was bad for them. “I’m too old to start changing” - After what the subject has been through during The Moon and Lovers arc, they feel they have changed too much as a person to do so again. They recognize the person they are and all the faults that come with that they deem unable to adapt to new love. “And too tired revive... the world we knew” - With the previous considered, the subject is simply too tired to subject themself to love again because of the risk of heartache and misery. This also reads as depression and being stuck in one place in life, and how difficult it is to keep moving on with mental illness. “They say "begin again" / But I'll take any fragments I could find” - Possibly a callback to Begin Again, although doing so leads to the possibility of finding happiness, the subject cannot do so, and would rather live with the memory of when they were happy.

♥  Little Death: Inside The Death arc opens after the bleak sentiment posed by Hermit64 with The Star as a boat in the ocean of death, which represents hope and faith. At the very bottom of the The Fool’s depression, they have a glimmer of hope and decide to seek it out to see whatever it has to offer them. This leads us to Lovedead City, home to the infamous Little Death who began all this heartbreak. Little Death rides on a white motorcycle similar to how Death in classic tarot cards rides on a white horse, symbolizing purity. Little Death summons Hate Skulls through The Hanged Man tarot card, which represents sacrifice and letting go (which goes hand-in-hand with the Death tarot card). At this point, its clear that all of this means the dreaded end of love Sayonara Wild Heart talks about. I believe the reason these are called Hate Skulls are because the subject/The Fool feels a sense resentment towards themself for not leaving their relationship in The Devil’s arc sooner, and now unable to find love. The act of the destroying of the Hate Skulls with the bow from Temperance, which represents balance and moderation, could represent the subject taking the time to work through their feelings in an attempt to be reborn, now at the brink of death. The actual song is filled with remorse, but inspires hope in a sense as well. The subject explains how they’re unable to properly express the right words to say, presumably to their partner. Perhaps this reason this lack of communication is associated with Death is because it is what leads to the end of love in every circumstance. The theme of regret could be tied back to The Devil where if the subject was able to find the right words and articulate their feelings, they may have never fallen out of love to begin with. The first and second verse of the song seem to be casual conversations with another person, perhaps what the subject wish they had said. This is further evolved by Little Death violently vomiting puke which could be interpreted as “All the things I need to say / And all the big words (that) seem to stay / On the inside” Alternatively, I like to believe by this point the subject has found someone they can simply speak to about their feelings and experiences to, and in the candid dialogs they have is the powerful notion that they may find love again. Death is inevitable and simply means the end of something, but I believe here it means rather than the end of love, it means the end of all the heartbreak and strife the previous love the subject went through.

[goldenkamuyhunting]

Ramblings and crazy theory time about GK chap 230 “Ienaga Kano”

So with the new chapter we get a split in the fandom on how to nickname Tsukishima. While the Japanese fandom goes for ‘Surekill-man’ a reference to a fanassigned nicknamed for a character in the ‘Jojo no kimyō na bōken’ universe, the western fandom went for something obviously more ‘western’…

…to be honest with various variations of the nick, from purely ‘The Terminator’ from the homonymous movie to ‘The Tsukishima’ or ‘Tsukishimator’ and so on (I went with the one that would fit better in the space in the image, that and Merdopseudo liked it, my apologies to the nicks not used, you’re all cool but ‘there can be only one’).

But let’s start with the chapter and with how Tsukishima gained this nick.

We left him having been injected a sedative by Ienaga and yet still managing to shoot her to death. It’s worth to point out Ienaga’s sedatives need some time to affect people and our Tsukinator is trying to take advantage of it to make a short work of Tanigaki.

Really, we knew Tsukishima, pardon, the Tsukinator was good at hand-to-hand combat but not really how much. Tanigaki is supposedly good as well, bigger than him and not drugged and our supposedly sedated Tsukinator is literally wiping the floor with him without even breaking a sweat and Tanigaki manages only narrowly to have him miss shooting his brain off.

Luckily for Tanigaki when it looks as if the Tsukinator will get better luck with his next shoot, the sedative kickes in (with the Tsukinator’s veins becoming rather visible as if they were some sort of monster crawling on his face)

and the Tsukinator’s falls, his face flat on Tanigaki’s ample chest.

Ienaga, still alive, tells Inkarmat, who’s naively trying to stop the blood pouring out of her, about how the Tsukinator wouldn’t SUPPOSEDLY be able to move for two hours.

Tanigaki, always the righteous, gives Ienaga a look that Ienaga correctly interpret with ‘why would a selfish, evil criminal like you do something like that?’.

Tanigaki represents that sort of naïve people that divide the world in two blocks, the purely evil ones and the purely good ones and misses how actually there’s a lot of middle ground in between the two groups and purely evil and purely good hardly exist if not in fairy tales.

As Ienaga did PLENTY of terrible deeds Tanigaki doesn’t care for her motivations nor expects her to feel also positive emotions like love or care and do something good like helping them. He put her in the box of the evil people and thinks there’s no way she would get out of it and do something good.

On the contrary side he perceives himself as being among the good guys, as proved by the previous chapter in which he said he wasn’t cold blooded enough to kill a friend, Sugimoto, conveniently forgetting he wanted to do the same to Kenkichi and that he did the same to Kiro (who saved his and Inkarmat’s life by the way) and doesn’t realize the ‘greyness’ in himself, feeling free to judge negatively Ogata and Nikaido for betraying Tsurumi but thinking instead that he is entitled to do the same.

This, of course, doesn't mean Tanigaki is evil, he’s merely human and therefore flawed.

I love this side of him as a character, I love how human Tanigaki is in his own good sides and in his own bad sides but, on the other hand it clearly makes me angry when he acts like a blind hypocrite. It’s human... but it’s no good at all.

Anyway Ienaga explains her own reasons which are… very simple.

Inkarmat, who’s about to give birth, is, for Ienaga, about to become ‘perfect’. Evidently the trauma of her mother’s abort, which twisted Ienaga and turned her into a bloody murderer and cannibal, rules her life not only pushing her to do heinous acts but also in a positive way. She wants to save this pregnant woman, she wants her to attain the ‘perfection’ neither her or her mother could attain. And it’s clear Ienaga is completely content with giving up her life for this, in fact she’s smiling and telling Tanigaki to not lose this moment.

Inkarmat is touched. Tanigaki just pulls Inkarmat up and tells her to leave without even a word of thank you for the person who gave her life so that they could escape. Inkarmat’s gaze instead is still on Ienaga and since she doesn’t seem to really try to get up I wonder if this is because she feels bad for Ienaga, for leaving her behind.

Not that she can be saved.

This, mind you, doesn’t mean Ienaga is now a good person or that she gets redeemed by this single heroic act. Ienaga is a terrible person who did terrible things and who’s helping Inkarmat only because, for her own reasons, she had come to care about her.

It’s entirely possible Ienaga doesn’t regret a single terrible thing she had done in life and, had she survived, she would have continued to try to chop people and eat them for their own purposes… except Inkarmat for whom she had grown fond.

On the other side the cover of the chapter, placed here and showing Ienaga’s body, depicts the sprays of blood that came out of her as forming a halo and wings, while the writing points out that Ienaga became perfect in that very moment, by giving her own life for someone else.

If this is Noda nodding to Christian faith again, the implication is that yes, Ienaga regretted what she did in the past and that she would be forgiven, not by men but by God.

After all, according to many, ‘Who saves a life saves the world’.

Yeah, yeah, among fans it’s a controversial topic.

The tropes of ‘death equals redemption’ and ‘redemption equals death’ are overused to the point they feel cheap and that’s due to fans themselves. As James Norrington said ‘The problem with a 'redemption' gig is, well, no one wants to see it. They all want to believe in it, sure, but to do it... it's as good as signing your own death warrant. Audiences don't want to see you redeemed, living a normal life. They'll never truly forgive you for your flaws as long as you're alive.’

Long story short, authors who decide to portray that EVERYONE can do a heel-face turn, that you can stop doing evil things, that is never too late to become a good person which is a great message really, also end up heroically killing off characters who decide to do something good for a change, so as to appease the fans who can’t forgive them and just want them to never realize the errors of their way and die a miserable death (or, when they feel merciful, spend their life being miserable).

Well, if that’s your kind of story, you’re free to roll with it.

De gustibus non disputandum est.

I’m personally not sure that, had Ienaga survived, after this heroic act of her, the trauma that pushed her into becoming the person she was, would be magically healed and she would become a morally perfect person... or at least as morally perfect as a human can be (not much really unless you’re in air of sainthood) and OF COURSE there’s no way she could ‘pay back’ all the people she killed as... well… they’re dead (I know there’s a lot of confusion about it but redemption isn’t about being forgiven, nor is about giving your life in a heroic way, redemption is about paying back the people you wronged... unless of course you use religion and have the character atone for his sins against God by redeeming himself to His eyes and not really by redeeming himself to his victims)  but I like the idea Noda is hinting this could have helped her to change their ways.

A perfect world would be perfect if all the criminals just were to change their ways and become good people, not if the jails could contain them all or if they were to drop all dead in a ‘Death Note’ style (though, when we talk about fictional works, there’s a bit of Yagami Light in all the fans… :P ). We need good men more than we need jails filled and corpses.

But well, this of course is just an utopia, sinning is addictive and changing your life is hellish hard. It happens even in real life, but is sadly very rare.

Anyway Tanigaki and Ienaga leave Inkarmat’s room only to meet up with Koito, pointing his gun at them. Tanigaki, who was pushing ahear Inkarmat, now places her behind himself but Koito is clearly torn. He’s sweating and chewing his lower lip as he lower his gaze as well before lowering his gun too and telling them to leave.

The two run away, always without thanking him, but then Tanigaki wonders why Koito left them go.

Inkarmat points out that when Koito was bedridden she spent a lot of time telling fortunes to him but Tanigaki rejects the idea. The Second Lieutenant Koito he knows wouldn’t have shown mercy to a person who had shown kindness to him.

While this is partially true, as part of Koito’s actions are clearly motivated by how he had lost faith in Tsurumi and Tsukishima due to discovering how he was used by them, I still think him letting Inkarmat go is also part due to him growing fond of her.

She was with him and cheered him up when he was wounded and weak and, in a way, in enemy ground. I think this was precious to him and Inkarmat, who’s clearly not a naive person, probably realized it. Koito knows he can’t escape, he doesn’t take that chance to run away as well, but it’s worth to mention if Tsurumi were to realize he let them go, Koito could end up in troubles as well and maybe he’s afraid Tsukishima too could put him in troubles since he warned him if he were to betray he would kill him. Koito also is risking his own life to help them, and, I think, is something he’s not doing solely out of the kindness of his heart but out of genuine care for Inkarmat.

She won him over a little.

It’s also sad how Tanigaki thinks that Inkarmat’s kindness should have gone unrewarded on Koito. He doesn’t think the time she spent with him would affect Koito, that he would grow to care for her. He sees Koito as a lost cause, a man uncapable of showing thankfullness and apprecciation for the kindness he received.

Koito is in another box for bad guys from which Tanigaki didn’t think Koito should have been able to get off and instead he did. People don’t change to Tanigaki, he has no hope for them to get better, to improve themselves, to develop positive relations or to do good thing. Once evil, always evil.

It’s a sad, hopeless and cold view.

I think even Nihei would be hurt by it.

Meanwhile Tanigaki put in action his ‘bright plan’ of escaping with Inkarmat on a horse a mean of transportation surely perfectly comfortable for a pregnant woman who could give birth at any minute and whose speed wouldn’t resent at all of the fact it has to carry two people, one of which at the nth month of pregnancy plus whatever Tanigaki has in those bags he hung to the horse and his own backpack.

Now… remember when I said the Tsukinator was meant to be out of commission for supposedly two hours?

Well, we wished.

The Tsukinator, despite the sedative, manages to get up, grab a rifle, shoot in Tanigaki’s direction and recharge before… falling again. Honestly I’m not sure if he has fainted or he just slipped off the bed due to lack of coordination. Nothing stop the Tsukinator as we’ll see later on.... but after all we knew it.

‘Listen, and understand, Tanigaki. That Tsukinator is out there, it cant be bargained with, it cant be reasoned with, it doesn't feel pity or remorse or fear, and it absolutely will not stop... EVER, untill you are dead!’

Too bad Tanigaki can’t hear me lecturing him about the Tsukinator....

Meanwhile as Tanigaki and Inkarmat escape, as it was easy to predict, the rocking of the horse of course starts to affect Inkarmat. Tanigaki realizes he was going too fast and, since they managed to make to the edge of the Otaru he thinks they’re far enough and safe enough they can stop there in an abandoned building.

As Tanigaki lights a fire, Inkarmat notes there’s blood coming from his head so he uses the Matanpushi (the headband Huci gave him) to bandage it, claiming he’ll be fine.

Honestly I don’t really find respectful to use that headband as a makeshift bandage as the Matanpushi has a religious meaning among Ainu, in fact it tells Gods where they are and calls their protection on the wearer. I can understand Huci using it as such, to ask the Gods to protect Tanigaki, but, as I doubt Tanigaki is now an Ainu Gods believer, it just feels a bit inappropriate.

On the other side in desperate times people would beg at whatever altar they would find and I also wonder if, in a way, this makes Tanigaki feel as he felt when he was escaping from Ogata and Nikaido so in a way he is hoping Huci’s headband will give him protection not so much through the Gods in which Huci’s believes but just because it’s Huci’s headband... which again is very human and also rather sweet.

(Besides there are huge chances Tanigaki has no idea of the religious meaning tied to it...)

We can also see that Tanigaki’s irises recover their light colour now that he’s wearing it so yes, I think it has a good psychological effect on him and it’s not just something he picked up at random.

Anyway Tanigaki plans to have them rest only a little and then escape farther.

Inkarmat notes Tanigaki is losing blood from his leg also, which Tanigaki thinks is the result of Tsukishima shooting at them earlier and which he notices only now since he was so busy escaping he didn’t even felt the pain it should give him.

While this is kind of normal and points rather well to Tanigaki’s inner state, so completely focused on escaping he basically didn’t even felt pain, not checking on his own conditions is a huge mistake. Not only loss of blood makes him weaker and could have caused him to faint, making him useless and giving Inkarmat more troubles but his dripping blood left a convenient track the Tsukinator followed till there.

And that’s why I think Tsukishima didn’t faint, he only fell because, on his feet he basically reached Tanigaki and Inkarmat who escaped on a horse in no time as they only apparently had time to light the fire before being discovered. The Tsukinator is even faster than Jason Voorhees in tailing after his victims despite being on his feet and drugged… but Noda has already assigned the comparison with Jason to Sugimoto so I’ll stick with the Tsukinator…

Anyway the Tsukinator tries to shoot Tanigaki but he narrowly misses him.

Either Tanigaki is lucky, due to the Matanpushi the Gods are really protecting him or Tsukishima is still partially affected by the sedative. Anyway Tanigaki tells Inkarmat to escape from the back as he tries to shoot the Tsukinator and… miss him despite the Tsukinator being only few steps from him as the Tsukinator lowers himself, pushes Tanigaki on the ground and then punches him hard.

Tanigaki, taking advantage of his superior size and strength, grabs the Tsukinator up and tosses him against a wall so hard the Tsukinator crashes through it.

Think this signs a score for Tanigaki? Think twice.

The result of Tanigaki’s efforts is that when Tanigaki grabs his rifle and tries to shoot him, the Tsukinator had all the time to hide, protected by the walls.

Tanigaki looks out, and luckily for him the Tsukinator isn’t into position yet as Tanigaki’s head would have been a beautiful target right then.

Way to go, Tanigaki, really.

Inkarmat calls him so Tanigaki reaches her and again they escape on a horse. Again.

The Tsukinator shoots Tanigaki in the shoulder...

...before faithfully ‘hopping’ after them at a leisurely pace with a calm and a determination that betrays how he took lessons from Pepé Le Pew only, to Pepé and Tsurumi’s displeasure, what pushes him forward to chase and attempt to kill Tanigaki, is clearly not ‘love’.

Anyway morning as come and Inkarmat and Tanigaki are still escaping on a horse, conveniently leaving blood track on the snow that the Tsukinator can follow. They might as well leave direction signs.

Tanigaki though is optimist. Now he has a rifle so, he thinks, the Tsukinator will keep more at distance (he wishes) and besides since he’s more at home in the mountains than him they will easily lose him if he will hide there with a pregnant woman about to give birth and for whom all those emotions and the horse ride clearly aren’t good.

As on cue and strictly following Murphy’s law, Inkarmat’s water breaks and Tanigaki’s oh so perfect plan to slowly reach the mountains and lose the Tsukinator there crashes when facing the logistics of how to deal with an impending childbirth that Ienaga had warned him was about to happen. But no, do not listen to the amazing doctor when the latter is also a criminal who just died to save your ass.

So Tanigaki APOLOGIZES TO THE HORSE because he is leaving him behind and mind him, this is nice and everything but what about thanking Ienaga, who died for you and Koito who risked his ass for you?

Meanwhile the Tsukinator moves closer following the trail of blood he can notice also in a bamboo grove… to discover Tanigaki’s horse which now has a wound on his leg, likely made by Tanigaki as the horse before seemed perfectly fine.

The Tsukinator understands he was misleaded into chasing the horse and his brain computer analyze the situation to set on a new course… and soon it’ll become obvious it’s not really difficult to get which one.

Meanwhile Tanigaki, who’s about to become father, carries Inkarmat bridal stile running through the snow repeating the classic sentences Panicky Expectant Fathers says to their wives when they’re about to give birth to a baby: ‘you can do this, grit your teeth and bear it, it’s gonna be okay, I’m with you, you can do this, everything will work out… yadda, yadda’.

Mind you, it’s nice from them as it’s not like there’s something they can do except saying such things and being of moral support with their presence but it’s a trope so abused seeing it in this scene somehow made me laugh instead than feel the drama that’s obviously looming over him and Inkarmat due to them being in an obviously very dire situation.

And it’s worth to mention that Inkarmat, same as all the other pregnant women, appreciates a lot Tanigaki’s efforts to reassure her.

Moral support might seem nothing much but sometimes it can also do miracles and it’s great to know there’s someone with you that encourages you when you’re in such a desperate situation, a rock against which you can hold so as not to be dragged away by waves.

So she smiles and hugs Tanigaki tightly and tries to hold on.

It’s a good moment.

Yeah, Tanigaki went into this without the sliver of a decent plan but at least he decided to stick with the people that were important for him and not leave them alone at the first sign of trouble.

Tanigaki has plenty of faults and flaws but, despite this I think it’s so IMPORTANT how he decided to stay with Inkarmat through thick and thin when so many other men would have washed their hands clean of her and the baby.

Maybe Tanigaki can’t give us lessons about planning or about not being hypocrites but sure as hell he’s trying his hardest to be a good companion and a good father and this is GREAT, really.

He’s wounded, he has lost blood and yet he’s running in the snow with all their luggage and Inkarmat, who’s pregnant, in his arms.

The Tsukinator can be scary in the way he doesn’t stop his chase but Tanigaki, who’s instead moved by love, is amazing.

Sadly though, Tanigaki isn’t really good at planning things and this definitely plays against him.

So Tanigaki, running like a madman, reaches the most predictable destination in the neighbourhood of Otaru in which he could hope to get help, Huci’s house, where we can see next to her the son of Sakamoto, the Lighting Bandit and O-gin who now had grown enough he can sit on his own.

While yes, in this place they can find someone who’ll help Inkarmat, it’s not like The Tsukinator couldn’t guess Tanigaki would take this course, it was obvious enough that escaping with a woman who’s about to give birth they should find a place in which said woman could give birth and Huci’s house is close enough so I expect the Tsukinator to figure this out and reach them in no time. I honestly doubt Tanigaki will manage to repeat the same trick he used with Ogata as, first of all, at this point it wouldn’t be wise to move Inkarmat for a while and this includes also just after she gave birth and he can’t leave her behind or she and her child will become hostages Tsukishima and Tsurumi can use against him or kill off in retaliation for his escape and this now includes Huci as well since Tanigaki has ended up involving her.

Due to Tanigaki’s huge involvement in Kiro’s death (Kiro died of blood loss mainly caused by the wound Tanigaki gave him) he’ll likely be a victim of the tiger curse and condemned to live an unhappy life meaning there are chances he won’t be the one to die here but that he’ll lose everything here.

Tsukishima is in no better position as he also contributed to Kiro’s death albeit in a smaller manner (the wound Tsukishima inflicted him did negligible harm compared to Tanigaki’s although it clearly didn’t help, actually it only speeded up Kiro’s death) so let’s talk a bit about him.

Tsukishima didn’t need to become The Tsukinator, as I called him through this whole rambling.

He attempted to stop Tanigaki, he was drugged, they went away, he could have told Tsurumi he just passed out, Koito kept on sleeping and be done with the whole business.

Tanigaki is just a man who wants to go back home, he isn’t interested in the gold hunt nor in stopping Tsurumi, he wants to get the woman he loves and have a family with her. Inkarmat is a woman who due to her past with Wilk ended up becoming a pawn to him and now she apparently merely wants to have a family with Tanigaki. The incoming baby has no fault of his own and can’t prove to be a threat.

Why just not letting them go? Why do they need to be killed or captured at any cost?

Is the baby’s actually Tsurumi? Did they experimented on the fetus so as to create the perfect soldier or the antichrist himself? Does Inkarmat know earth shattering  secrets that can’t be revealed to anyone?

Tsukishima was willing to let go Gansoku, a criminal. When Koito unveiled the truth Tsukishima let it slide as long as Koito played along with Tsurumi.

So why not letting go Tanigaki, Inkarmat and the baby?

Just because they aren’t okay with being used as a pawns like he is? Just because they want to have the ordinary happy life Tsukishima was denied? Or it’s because in this way it won’t come out Koito let them go?

I don’t know but I can’t say I like what Tsukishima is doing. He could turn the other way to save three lives, he could turn the other way as he does each time Tsurumi commits a crime and instead he decided to stick with Tsurumi against three people who, apparently, can’t really do Tsurumi harm. I’m really sad he chose to be that way.

On another note there’s something I wanted to remark in the past chapter but forgot about it so I’ll mention it here. I love how Noda handles Inkarmat’s pregnancy.

In many cases in manga a pregnant woman is often moving around like a not-pregnant woman, using her protruding belly like a hand rest and maybe being a little slow and fatigued but overall acting as she usually do.

Inkarmat moves exactly like a pregnant woman instead, not using her belly as a hand rest but protecting and holding it with her hands, taking it into consideration when she moves around and even when she’s in a seating position she clearly have to adjust it to make it comfortable for herself now that she’s in her 9th month. Noda really did his homework with her.

Anyway with this chapter we end volume 23, with Tanigaki coming back to Huci without Asirpa and with a woman about to give birth and a Tsukinator tailing after them in a situation that really sounds like it will become a déjà vu of volume 5.

Ogata back then didn’t want to shoot Tanigaki in Huci’s house so as not to have to kill her too and ended up allowing Tanigaki to get an advantage over him. We’ll see what the Tsukinator will do… and we’ll see what Tanigaki will do now as well, so as to ensure Inkarmat, his kid and Huci (as well as Sakamoto and O-gin’s baby) will get out of this safely.

Hopefully maybe, being back on the mountains will give him back his planning ability.

Using the horse to lead Tsukishima in the wrong direction wasn’t a bad idea even if the course he took afterward became then far too predictable. On a sidenote… in that circumstance Nikaido was there as well and Tsukishima watched as Tsurumi cut his ear. I do wonder… was Nikaido still at the hospital? Does he know what’s going on? Will he join them? And with whom he’ll side?

Tanigaki who caused him to be attacked by a bear or Tsukishima who stood by as Tsurumi cut his ear and would have let the latter kill him without blinking?

It would really be interesting to have Nikaido join the party with a ‘personal’ position instead than just the one of the soldier who has to obey to Tsurumi’s orders.

As the tiger curse said they’re supposed to live an unhappy life, unless I’m misinterpreting something, the curse won’t attempt to their lives, just at making them miserable. Still, we’ll see. I don’t want Inkarmat, the baby and Huci to die but I get this could be appropriate karmic retribution for Tanigaki. We’ll see.

In a way, while the previous chapter pushed forward a comparison between Tanigaki’s escape plan (or lack thereoff) and Ogata’s escape plan, this chapter is all a comparison in strenght and endurance between Tsukishima and Tanigaki. They fight, they keep on going even when other men would just give up, with a desperation and a determination that makes me think of Kiro in his last moments and that might be done on purpose in case the tiger curse is looming on them.

Kiroranke is looking down on them from above, seeing them as they struggle like he did, seeing them, who in the past had a good relation, fight without mercy like Tanigaki did with him.

We’ll see how it’ll end for both of them but sure thing the irony in all this is big.

Last but not least a question that’s going to stay unanswered for now. Who between the Tsukinator, the killer rabbit of Caerbannog, the 6 million yen man  and Jasonmoto would win should they come to a hand-to-hand fight? We’ll probably discover this in the future.