#that sometimes in war it's hard to be the one to survive n the our own choices n we have to live w them too

[a-wisebear]

haunted by the narrative? haunted by the fact that he rarely shows up in the narrative, he kicks ass, he's cool, he's pretty, he's capable, he could solve a 5 episode arc in 1, everybody loves him, he changes everything with his little appearances, and yet we don't know anything about his fate?????

[vividxpages]

✩‧˚౨ৎ˚✩₊ The Great War PART 2₊✩‧˚౨ৎ˚✩‧

PART 1 + PART 3

pairing: Jacaerys Velaryon x fem!Reader

words: 2800

summary: after meeting Jace by the shore of the sea in secret, the Blacks do everything to reunite the two of you. But will you make it to him safely? And how much are you both willing to risk for each other?

warnings: angst, hurt/comfort, arguments and tears, kissing, happy ending

a/n: Part 1 has gotten such love, I needed to write a little sequel. Hope you like it <3

𓆩♡𓆪

Always remember Uh-huh, tears on the letter I vowed not to cry anymore If we survived the Great War

It was like every cell of your being was fueled with fire when you returned to King’s Landing much later that night. Vignettes of the beach and Jace were replaying themselves in your mind, making you walk towards your chambers as if in a trance.

You had seen him again.

You had kissed him goodbye as if it was your last time, although he had whispered promises into your ear that it wouldn’t be. Be alert, stay safe, he had said to you between those last breathless kisses. Mother and I will figure out something.

You smiled to yourself, feeling as if the world suddenly looked just a little brighter, although the corridor in front of you was only lit by torches on the wall.

If had been any more concentrated, you would’ve seen him first.

A shadow slipped from the darkness and before you could scream out or even blink, your older brother had pushed you against the hard stone wall, caging you in and scanning your face with his one remaining eye.

“Taking a walk at midnight, sister?” Aemond rasped out and you wanted to squirm away from him, the sudden unpleasant encounter washing all those happy moments from before away. As you tried to slip past him, he caught your wrist so hard, it hurt.

“Let go of me, Aemond.” You gritted your teeth, struggling against his much stronger hold of you.

“What would mother say if she heard you were without a chaperone, hm?” He challenged you, a cruel smile on his face. “Or even worse…what will our great king say if he learns you’ve been with the enemy?”

Everything in you froze at his implication.

You stared at him with wide eyes, heavily breathing. “I have no idea what you are talking about.” You finally ripped your hand free and resisted the urge to caress the burn in your wrist. This would come later, in the safety of your chambers.

Suddenly, you became painfully aware of how you looked. The disheveled hair, rosy cheeks from the cold by the sea, plump lips bruised from kissing… At least, Jace had been careful enough not to leave purple blue flowers on your neck.

Aemond regarded you with an unreadable expression, crossing his hands behind his back. “I’m not saying anything, since you surely are reminded your place and have not crossed paths with our enemies, am I right, dear sister? But if I catch you riding your dragon to where Vhagar can’t have an eye on you, I’ll shoot you out of the sky myself.”

You stared at each other for a very long time. You hated how mute you were always becoming in your brother’s presence, how powerless they both made you feel, like every bravery Jacaerys had breathed into you had suddenly vanished. A flame blown out by ice cold wind.

“Sleep well.” Aemond whispered before he walked away from you.

With each of his leaving steps, you could breathe a little more freely.

ㅤ♡☁︎⋆｡˚

The following weeks only continued to darken the clouds on your horizon.

A concerning new routine found its way into your days, sleeping in late and staying in bed as you watched the grey sky outside your window. Food you only accepted when you really needed to and although your mother gave you concerning and sometimes scolding looks, no one really cared about how you spent your meaningless days.

You had not attended council and you didn’t believe Aegon was going to let you again any time soon. Helaena sometimes visited you, but she spoke in riddles and could not comfort you. The only person who could haunted your dreams and was miles and miles away, across the Blackwater Bay and out of reach.

Jace had told you to be patient and alert, but it was getting harder to get out of bed every day.

“An afternoon refreshment, my princess.”

You looked away from your window, just as the servant turned away from you and left the room. On the table near your bed, a plate of small cakes and fruit waited for you and in the middle of it, was a small roll of parchment.

You furrowed your brows. No one in the castle sent messages to you.

You slowly unrolled it, your eyes reading over the words written, but not quite understanding them yet.

Tomorrow night. We’ll stage a distraction. North gate. We’ll meet you over the Gullet.

Your head snapped up and hope filled your chest once more.

♡☁︎⋆｡˚

You squinted your eyes once more as you looked over your shoulder, the massive fire at the feet of the Red Keep painting the night red. The Blacks had outdone themselves; every eye of the city was looking towards the destruction the flames caused.

How poetic. You were leaving your home behind unseen, unheard, while it burned.

You focused on the way ahead of you, the dark sea underneath you and your dragon sparkling underneath the moonlight. You concentrated on the rhythmical wing swing and the prospect of arriving at Dragonstone soon, once again reunited with Jacaerys. Forever this time.

You were not coming back. The next time you’d face your family, you would stand on the other side of this war. And you were ready for it.

But so was Aemond.

A giant beast suddenly busted through the clouds beneath you, your scream being swallowed by Vhagar’s roar as Aemond stirred her towards you. You threw yourself to the right, barely slipping past her giant maw as it snapped shut only inches away from your dragon’s wing.

You heard Aemond screaming your name in fury.

“Naejot!“ You screamed, urging your dragon on to go faster, impossibly faster than the beast chasing you. Your heart was pounding all the way up into your throat as you heard Vhagar roaring behind you. One command from Aemond and you’d fall into the ocean like a burned star. You silently prayed the Gullet was almost under you, praying for just another day, just one more-

“Dracarys!”

You braced yourself, thinking of the dark eyes you had loved so much one more time.

But the dragon fire did not come.

Not for you, at least.

♡☁︎⋆｡˚

You still had no idea how Rhaenys had reached you in time or why Aemond had decided to flee then.

Perhaps, you were not worth the fight.

You would’ve never thought to be so thankful at such an idea.

You barely had the time to thank Rhaenys before you had been led through the darkness around Dragonstone, still needing to stay invisible until you had reached the safety inside those walls.

And once you reached them, Jacaerys was there, pulling you tightly against his chest and holding you as if you could simply vanish with the wind every second. You had allowed him to look you over, still shaken and with your mind still on this disastrous flight before he had led you to the hall where his parents had been anxiously waiting.

When you had sat down and his hand had slipped out of yours, you already wanted it back.

But first, they needed to know what had happened out there.

You still couldn’t believe your brother had really wanted to kill you.

After you had finished, Daemon sympathetically pushed over his goblet with wine and you gratefully took it and resisted the urge to chug it back in one gulp.

“How could this have happened?” Jace had been thundering for a while now, walking up and down the room, tense and still out of his mind with worry for you. “Our sources have told us Vhagar has been away from King’s Landing earlier today.”

It seemed like not even the queen had an answer for it.

But you had. You sat up a little straighter, biting your lip before you looked into the flames next to you and spoke. “Aemond has been getting suspicious. He knew of our meeting by the sea and…he had warned me not to pursue it again.”

Rhaenyra and Daemon looked at you with surprise, but Jace was a whole different story.

“What?” He looked at you with wild disbelief. “So you are telling me you’ve went out tonight even though you knew Aemond could’ve caught you and done what not to you?”

“What do you think I should’ve done instead?” You asked him quietly, barely a whisper.

He fixed you with a wide-eyed stare, his fingers trembling as he raked them through his curls. “Perhaps not shown up to our invitation if you knew Aemond was suspicious?” He suggested shakingly. “We would’ve found another way without risking your life.”

“There is no other way, Jace!” You shot back, just as hot-headed as he was now. Rhaenyra and Daemon shared a look over the table, perhaps thinking of their own heated discussions in the past. You drew the blanket you had been given tighter around yourself, taming your tongue. “I would’ve died in that castle, one way or another. I might as well could’ve tried to reach you before my end.”

“Do not talk of such things.” Jace whispered, shaking his head. You saw his brown eyes getting teary at the mere thought of it. “Do not-“

“It doesn’t matter now-“

“It matters to me!” He exploded and you leaned back, shocked at his sudden outburst.

“Alright, that’s enough.” Rhaenyra said calmly, jaw tense. “I think this night has been eventful enough for the two of you. We will deal with everything in the morning, but now I believe you should retire. Jace’s room has been readied for the two of you. We are glad to have you with us here, my dear, we truly are.”

The tension could’ve been cut with a knife as you walked back to Jacaerys’ room.

You had started to shiver, the wet strands of your hair clinging to your neck, clothes ruined and dirty by the stormy weather between the clouds. When the door closed behind you and you took off the blanket, you hissed with pain.

“What is it?” Jace looked at you, alarmed. “Are you hurt?”

You shook your head. “Not really, but…I think when I took a turn in the sky, one of the reigns came loose and cut me.” It would explain the burning pain in your shoulder. When you tried to raise your arm to take a look, a sudden whimper tore through you.

Jace was in front of you in an instant, steadying you as he intently looked at your face. “Don’t move too much. I’ll take a look at it, okay?”

“It’s fine…” You did not feel fine.

“Let me help.” Jace said, adding in a whisper: “Please.”

It was quiet once again between you as he slowly led you to the edge of his bed. It would’ve been romantic if you hadn’t been such a mess, but Jacaerys did not seem to care about your appearance. He walked around his room with a mission, collecting a warm washcloth from the basin and a bandage, just in case.

You watched him silently as he went on his knee in front of you and slowly started to peel away your rider’s jacket from your shoulder. You breathed through your teeth as the fabric came away bloody, the burn of the rope worse than you had expected. Now, with the adrenaline leaving your body, the pain came knocking at your door.

Jace grimaced at your pain, intertwining your hand with one of his own as the other gently began to dab at the cut, making you wince with every little motion. “Sorry.” He mumbled, his thumb brushing soothingly over your palm. “It looks like the bleeding has stopped some time ago. That’s good.”

You nodded, still mute and exhausted as you let him take care of you. You almost wanted to sink back into his sheets and simply disappear in them.

“I’m sorry for losing my temper like this.” He said quietly after a while as he wrung out the cloth into the small basin to his feet. “I should’ve stayed composed, especially after the night you had. You are braver than all of us, ñuha jorrāeliarzy. I just- I could never forgive myself if something happened to you. We were thoughtless with this idea and impulsive and-“

“And I am glad of it.” You interrupted him softly. You argued with yourself if you should tell him how you had slowly rotted away in King’s Landing, withering without his light and the love his family embraced you with.

“You’ve gotten hurt.” He interjected gravely.

“Which wasn’t your fault.”

“But-“

You raised a hand, wanting to cup his cheek, but quickly stopped when it burned.

Jace was still kneeling in front of you, taking your hand in his and bringing it to his lips so he could softly kiss your knuckles. You could almost smell how worried he was about you, how he was still battling with himself, making himself think this was his fault. He brushed back a lost curl from your face and smiled sadly. “I forget myself. You’ve had a long journey. I do not want you to suffer even more, I’ll go fetch a Maester.”

“It’s only a scratch.” You joked tiredly, which earned you a doubting look. “Please, Jace. I’ll be fine until morning. I just need you. I’ve longed to be with you like this again for so long.”

“I’ve missed you too.” He said hoarsely, slowly rising to his feet, adoration burning in his eyes. “I could barely stay calm all day. Perhaps I’ve dreamed up that you’re here now.  If so, I never want to wake up again.”

You smiled at him, a real smile this time. “Then I’ll be dreaming with you, Jace.”

And finally, you could see a smile on his face too. “I will get some clothes for you.”

Quietness came down on the room once more, the comfortable kind this time.

You watched from the bed as Jace rummaged through his closet and pulled out one of his longer tunics, all warm cotton and his scent coating it. He helped you with your shoes, insisting that you should not move a finger anymore tonight. He lovingly kissed your ankles and took the most care that you wouldn’t have to lift your injured arm too much as he slid the piece of clothing over your form.

“There.” He looked at you warmly as you shuffled back into the sheets. “Gods, I have missed seeing you in my clothes. My bed.”

The words sent a shiver down your spine, although you knew you did not have the strength anymore to do exactly what you wanted to do with him. Your muscles were sore and your bandaged shoulder only good for one night, but you knew Jace was going to wait a lifetime for you if he had to.

Perhaps a whole lifetime laid ahead for the two of you now.

You nestled yourself against his chest as he slipped beneath the covers with you, sighing happily as your head fit perfectly into the place where his neck met his strong shoulder. A dark curl was tickling your forehead and as he closed his arms around you, one leg shifting to fit between your thigh, you knew you were home.

You listened to the sound of him breathing, your bruised hearts slowly calming down until you were sure they were beating in sync. Only a few candles by the bed lit the room and you felt yourself slowly drift into a well-deserved sleep.

But there was one thing still tormenting your love’s mind.

“It’s just…” Jacaerys whispered into the darkness of his room. You could feel him swallow tightly, his fingers trying to calm himself by caressing your spine. “Tonight made me think of Luke. And knowing you’ve been up there, with Vhagar so close to you- I can’t lose you, my love. I can’t.”

You shuffled until you could look at him, chest aching at the unshed tears in his beautiful eyes.

“You won’t lose me.” You promised him, wiping away his tears. “You will never lose me, Jace, I promise you. I’m here now and I’m not going anywhere, okay?”

He sniffled, but nodded fiercely. “I love you.”

“I love you too.” You whispered and lifted his chin so you could kiss him.

The kiss by the beach had grown into a wildfire, untamed and fueled by the desperation of wanting each other for so long. This one made you dizzy for a different reason.

There was a final calmness to it as your lips softly moved against each other, tasting every second like the world only slowed down for you. It was slow and relishing, like the first breath of fresh air after a lifetime of holding your breath. Your nose brushed against his as your hand found its way into his curls and if your shoulder had been any healthier, he would’ve hoisted you into his lap.

But unlike the other times you had come together, you had all the time in the world now.

And tomorrow, the sun would rise and shine just a little brighter, because you had finally found each other.

-------------------

(I'm writing a third and final part 3, so let me know if anyone would like to be tagged when I post it 🥰🎀)

[skyrigel]

“The Great War Part-3”

Part 1 || Part 2 || Benjicot masterlist

Pairing: Benjicot “Davos” blackwood x Bracken!reader

~ When mist of past finally clears up and you are faced with an ineffable truth of life, you reach for your darling husband's hand, surviving the great war [ wc : 4.7k]

๑⁠˙⁠❥⁠ 18 + nsfw, p in v ( rough ), missionary position, breeding kink, blood kink, size kink, fingering, c- word used in sexual context, orgasm denial, first time, love confessions, jealousy, confused feelings, poetic subtexts, bad writing?! Proofread

I might write an epilogue someday but this is it, thankyou everyone for reading and following along, also this is for @ihateitheretaylor for our three years of surviving the great war by reaching for each other, love you to the moon and saturn.

Benji's whole face glittered under the weirwood tree, his hand inevitably touching his heart as he saw you.

Your maiden cloak adored in golden and silver embroidery, house's sigil glistening, a red stallion in golden fields, like the strands of your future husband's hair that were blazing against the sun.

His grin absolutely splited his whole face, lines stretching wide as he gazed at you walking towards him with your brother.

“ Who comes ? ” His smile true to his words,

“ Who comes before the gods ? ”

Aeron paused for a moment before he looked at you, his arms brushing your shoulder as he nodded, a tight smile but a smile indeed.

“ Y/n of House Bracken, comes here to wed. A woman trueborn and noble, she comes to beg the blessings of gods. Who comes to claim her ? ”

Benji raised his chin, instantly looking back at you like he couldn't get enough and for a fact—he really couldn't

“ Me, Benjicot Davos blackwood of House blackwood, lord of Raventree halls, I claim her.” He winked at you, “ Who gives her ? ”

Aeron took your hand, his smile genuine when he glanced back at you.

“ Aeron Bracken of House Bracken, Brother of lady y/n, son of Lord Amos Bracken.” He turned to you, blinking back the watery haze, you gulped down the lump in your throat.

“ Lady y/n, Do you take this man ? ”

Your face grew warm, and there were many realisations in life, some slow and crashing as waves, some quick and bold as lightning, when you looked back at the man who was going to be your husband, the man you remembered from a long time ago, a distant memory and sometimes as though it was taken from yet another lifetime— his youthful face, bright eyes, chortling laughter that echoed through your soul. So many years gone in punishing him for something he never did, cursing him as you sleep talked.

So when you saw him, it struck you soft as a breeze, hard as a blow; you would love him so much, perhaps you already love him or perhaps there was still time but it will eventually come your way, and you will love him so deeply, so, so much that the oceans would be jealous, you will love him so blazely that the sun would burn in agony, so luminous that the stars would be envious.

That's the way you would love him, and it wouldn't be faith that will tie your hearts and bind your souls today, it will be a choice, his and yours to not be parted, not even death could do so. You smiled, no longer fighting your blush and letting it crimson your cheeks.

“ I take this man.” You said for the all the gods to know, him, who stands here with his goofy smile, too big for his face, him, who calls you darling while you roll your eyes, he's is the one, you would have him.

Benji reached for your hand, joining your souls together through the tips of his fingers, Aeron backed away as you and Benji kneeled against the old gods, head leaned together.

“ I vow to protect you, to honour and love you, to respect and support you, my darling wife.” no yet, He had chosen you already, a very long time ago.

His thumb smeared across your knuckles, voice dripping with sincerest affection.

“ I vow to stand with you, in life and death and what follows after, to be with you in bad nights and good days.”

Your heart was beating too fast, grasping this moment to be forever your reality, it scared you how you had no control, you chose him because there was nothing else you could do—there was going to be no you without him.

A day ago you hated how much he tormented you, hated how much he ached your heart with his sweet honey like words.

And now you hate him how truly alive he could make you feel, like he has set your soul on fire, his laugh booming across the bloodshed while you're reaching for his hand.

“ I will always love you, my lady. In days when I would forget life, breath and myself— i would remember you like an oath.”

Benji pressed his forehead against yours, taking half your misery—half your pain.

“ From this day...” You said along with him, smile tugging at the corner of your lips,

“ till forever falls apart.” Benji smiled, side glancing Aeron and his glea only rippled more.

“ Can I kiss my bride ? ” He asked you, soft as a whisper and you blinked, hands sweaty in his, entwined for lifetimes to come.

“ You may.” You said, closing your eyes and even then you could feel his giddiness that rushed into you, the press of his lips against yours, it wasn't feral, it wasn't bloody, it was as sweet and as gentle, like the poets would say.

Perhaps it was Aeron's throat that cleared itself so loudly that blinked open your eyes, feeling your knees ache in the tendons.

“ You look so beautiful darling.” Benji winked, helping you get up—his tongue caught between his teeths— removing the husk from your gown.

And just like that, he was your man now.

~~~

The wedding was small but the feast that followed was wild, everyone was drunk and happy, it was truly a blackwood and Bracken wedding, one should have seen the smirk that passed between Bracken's when blackwood's pretty girls started serving wine, pouring up to brims with their sweet sly smiles and curvy beautiful bodies.

And ofcourse it wasn't missed how prideful blackwood's were being with their extraordinary arrangements, nose red and tongue loose with alcohol.

“ Bout' time laddie, bout' time—” One of the blackwood knight's chortled, patting his company with enough force to make his food come back on surface, “—should've seen his face...saw him in between bloody battle and oh lordie— should've seen the little Rat, squeezing between,” He made little vague gestures from his greasy hands, “ like a cunty little —”

“ Oh shut up, will you ! ” the said little rat of his tales snapped back at him, his Bracken mates laughing while he fumed with a red face.

“ Amusing, isn't it ? ” Benji leaned to your ear, making you shiver when his mouth grazed your ear shall, “ My heart, my shine, my darling beloved wife.”

“ Very amusing...” You said, turning to him and his beautiful face, pink on his tips, hair sticking to his forehead and a grin only fools in love had, but their on the corner of his mouth sticked a crumb, you shouldn't, really, but then you saw how Raventree hall's ladies saw him, their lusty gazes and seductive smiles, even now, they would bloom like a flower if his drunk sloppy gaze merely sprinkled by, like many realisations that followed today, this was also one of them, the one that wanted to tear away those prying eyes and keep him all to yourself, to burn those heart that desired for him, to ruin those dreams that they staged, he was yours, your husband, your lord, and you were his, his wife, his lady, and when the great war comes, it will be his hand that you will reach for, only his.

“ Here—” You blushed, “ let me.” You smeared away the crumb with the soles of your fingers, smiling a small, you don't remember watching the sun rise in the long time but if anything, it would be the way Benji smiled in that moment, forever mesmerizing.

As if on cue, your golden moment was ruined when Martha came over, she was daughter of lord in court, it was evident with the silk on her body, and her sweet calculated smile, something only courts knew.

“ It is so gracious to meet you, Lady y/n Bracken—”

“ It's lady Blackwood.” Your fork penetrated deeper into meat, “ Now.” you added with a smile, Martha nodded, her jaw hardening.

“ Ofcourse, Lady blackwood.” she tilted her head, fiddling with the chain on her neck, Benji was watching your sloppily, leaning on your shoulder and despite he was quite heavy, you weren't going to tell him that.

“ Congratulations, It is really credible what you did...to tie the two house together, a duty not anyone could do.” She bit her lower lip, shifting her sharp eyes to Benji who was putting more crumbs on his mouth, looking back at you with his chin raised.

You knew where she was getting at, duty and honour, to rub it on your face that this marriage is loveless, that it's just a duty that would end with two or three babes and forever isolation in chambers, but she didn't knew what you did, she didn't know the love that was swirling, had been, for the longest time, since one of these feasts with slurred laughters and nonsensical conservations where you saw each other.

“ Ben...” You pouted, ignoring her forced flashing of teeths, doing away the crumbs on his mouth while he fancied leaning in to kiss your tips, “ I am tired...can we—”

“ Darlin’ me too, shall we ? ”

It took a lot of nerves to not to burst in laughter the way Benji hurriedly got up, almost knocking his elbow in Aeron's face who sighed, but also smiled when he saw you watching your beloved husband.

You wondered where the wine was gone when he hooked your elbows together, all the while Martha hissed under her breath, haughty faced.

“ I wasn't expecting that...” You huffed, glancing at Benji, he was buzzing in excitement, practically floating mid air.

“ I...Martha was actually my first.” He shaked his head, rubbing the bridge of his nose, all colours drained out of your face, your knuckles clenched to bloodless flesh.

“ You know what I mean ? ” He asked, staggering behind you while you increased your pace, blinking back rapidly.

“ Ofcourse I do.” You snapped, not bothering to keep low in the dark of the tower, footsteps echoing through the night.

“ Okay, right...I wanted you to know—”

“ That you slept with another woman ? ” you turned around to him, his body knocked against you and in some other time, it wouldn't matter much, a forehead bump but he was drunk, you were angry, and times were changing, as both of your bodies tumbled down, he caught you by the waist, shifting you on top of him, a loud thud and soft ‘oof’ and a whimpered groan that was your own.

“ Are you okay, darling wife ? ” You pushed back the hair that crept out of your braid before you looked at him, propped on his elbows rested back, you shifted aside, letting your body fall next to him on the hard cold floor.

“ Yeah...you ? ”

Instead of answering you, Benji snorted first and then an absolute wave enveloped him, he was crackling with laughter, chest shaking as he glanced at you, turning away to clutch at his chest.

“ What's so funny ? ” You raised your brow, he shaked his head, taking the gods name in vain.

“ Oh Darling...” He flipped to your side, face to face as his eyes crinkled, watering at the sides, face flushed with rosiness and devil taking over his mouth. Soft and warm and pink.

“ You,” He whispered to you, taking your chin between your fingers and raising it towards him, “ are all the more breathtaking when you're jealous.” and here it was, the word, the feeling that roared like a monster on loose to destroy anyone who as so looked at Benji, a very feral twisting of heart.

“ No.” You lied, He shaked his head, leaning in, breath sweet and warm, you knew what that mouth was capable of, to kiss him was confetti bursting in your mind.

“ Liar.” He declared, gazing into your eyes and an ineffable pull broke lose, your lashes fluttered and the next moment he was kissing you and you were kissing him back.

The feral beast inside you said, devour him, make him yours, let him forget all the ones that came and gone, let it be you, only you.

You never knew how something could be more precious than air, a stiffled whine escaped your throat as he pulled away, catching a breath, grin dancing around his mouth, teasing you to catch — you weren't the one to turn down mockery, grabbing the side of his face and pulling him to you.

“ Oh my love...” He hummed inside your mouth, battling you for domination, tongue swiping across your lower lip.

He slided his hand in under your thigh, pulling you to his lap, he was dazed and drunk but in that moment, nothing could be sober more, when he picked you up from the floor without breaking a sweat and only sticking his tongue out when you watched him wide eyed.

“ I hate you.” You said, the feeling that clenched inside you was same as that unsettling tug in your navel when you spent your nights dreaming about him, when you touched his bloodied face, when you tasted his blood on your finger tips, it left it's mark, your thighs weak at the sensation that pulled inside your spine.

“ I can drop you.” He swayed your body in his arms, taking the stairs one at a time.

“ You won't.”

He smiled, “ No, I won't.”

Your face grew warm when two servants giggled softly, opening the door of his chambers or now—yours too.

It felt natural to be in his arms and to kiss him, like you had known him and this intimacy from ages ago and it baffled you how you had lived so far without starving to death without him.

“ Are you comfortable or is it just because we are married ? ” He asked, face illuminated by the moonish glow.

“ I..does it matter ? ”

“ Yes darling, it does...I want you to be happy, to be safe with me...I want you to know that we want this together.”

“ I want this.” You told him, not blinking as Benji's smile reached his eyes.

“ I love you.” He kissed your nose tip, pulling back expectantly but you only stared back, your heart heavy in your ribs.

You do, you know it, or well you will, it's going to happen and no matter what, it won't change, but deep inside, you didn't know how to form it in words, to say it and not feel sorry, to say it and erase back the years you gaslighted yourself into hating him.

“ I...” You breathed, and he understood, knew you like he was half your soul, his smile was small but he showed no sadness.

“ You don't have to say it back darling.”

And how could you not say it, the way you knew how much your heart would bleed from his love, flowing down your chambers to dripping through your veins, how much you love him, he was summer to your bleaking heart.

“ If I don't say it back, would you still love me ? ”

“ Darling.” He sat down gently in front of you, stroking your cheek as his gaze dropped to your lips, pulling it back to worship your eyes.

“ If you don't say it back then I will say it again, then we'll be even.” and the smile that tugged on both of your faces was worth every great war.

“ You are my first.” you told him shyly, hoping he understood or you were about to die out of shame.

But Benji just about died, his eyes flickered and raked you in, he had bowed, biting his lower lip while nodding.

“ Okay..okay..right.” He smiled, “ Fuck, I will be gentle baby.” His mouth twitched in a grin.

“ you must've had lot's of experiences.” you laughed, it came little bitter but Benji shaked his head, taking your hands and guiding them to his face, he looked cute, face cupped by your hands, your wedding band shinning.

“ I've slept with women but I never made love to them, it's my first time too.”

“oh.”

You lowered your gaze, Benji's touch was like fire, a wild feral flame erupting around you and you craved him, craved to get burnt by him, He softly raised your chin, and his eyes raised in a question.

“ I am not tired...if you're not.” You added quickly, feeling your nerves snap, were you too desperate, would it be bad if you were ?

Because this was your first time and so was his, making love, yes, to make love with your bloody feral husband, to touch him, to feel him, to have him, to keep him.

The way Benji's brow knitted together had you gasping for breath, you would take his refusal if it were that but you waited for so long, that the possibility of tommorow doesn't amuse you, to wait seemed torment.

“ Is that dress too heavy Darling wife ? ” and damn, you could die like that.

~~~

Those treacherous fingers weaved through the back of your dress, knots opening and with each moment he was closer.

You watched his reflection, he would occasionally glance, his blush breezing on his face as he wouldduck down to place a sloppy kiss wherever he liked, but when he looked up with that blazing look in his eyes, you knew it was done, you gave him a tilt of your head, face mere inches apart.

“ I want you....”

And so it goes, his heavy lidded eyes drank you in, his fingers moving your dress down until it fell down in a puddle of pastry around your ankles.

Benji grabbed your waist, he was going senseless in his brain, he couldn't think anything, his brain was short circuiting at all the things he would do to you.

Your back pressed against the soft silks as he climbed over you, his guard discarded somewhere, his chest bare and gleaming.

You breathed but Benji was breathless, mouth agape at your beauty, slowly his hands roamed around your shoulder, kissing every inch and praying to old gods and new because he didn't deserve you, you were all pretty things, bright and shine and him ?

Blood, chaos and thunder.

“ Oh my...oh darling—” His hands trembled, the need to mark you down like a blood stain and the urge to protect you like a dog.

To carve your pretty body and to bruise you blue and claim you all, it was confusing. And romantic. And very much turning him on.

“ Fuck ! ” He growled, your nipples were hard under his thumb and the pleading look you had in your eyes, he wanted to tease you, to make you beg on your knees and get it what you wanted but he was just a man, wild or lunatic, just a man who loved his wife so much, how could he refuse you anything even if it were the moon, he would steal a dragon and fly so high to give you what you wanted, to make true every wish, every dream you had, to fulfil you completely.

All breath was knocked out of you when Benji lowered his mouth, licking the skin of your breast and looking up for approval.

You whimpered at the sensation that practically had you shivering, your knees weakened as his tongue teased your hardened bud, wet and drooling mouth, placing hot kisses.

“ Please, please...Ben—” you tugged at his hair, he was sucking at plump flesh, his other hand rubbing your thigh, heating your whole body up.

“ What ? ” He said, strangled and needy despite trying to be the one to be incharge.

“ Ben... Please—” you heaved, pulling him to you but he pulled away, looking into you eyes and you saw how bloody bastard he could be sometimes when he wanted to be.

“ Darling...” You pouted, and he was just a man, gone before the words even made it out, his fingers teasing your entrance before he placed a kiss on your heart and took your tits in his mouth, humming like a starved man.

Heaven was an utopia concept that Septa talked about, but really, Septa never had made love because this is what it truly felt like, in his arms, in his bed.

Your moans filled the night as his teeth digged in your flesh, Benji was trying his best, the way he tried to stop kneading your breast too fast but ended up fisting it roughly between his palm, softening the pain with the sweet nothings he whispered.

“ How pretty...how soft..mmmm.” He nuzzled closer, you liked him that way, his hands rough, his words soft.

Your hands inevitably reached down between your legs and you just about felt the slickyness before he grabbed your wrist, pulling it back with a devilish grin.

“ Darling, no.” He kissed your finger tips and smiled, poking his tongue out to lick away the white thick juice that calloused your tip.

Whatever he did was enough to untie the knot in your stomach, your pit lurched like sea waves and wanted to crash the shore so badly that you would die begging him.

“Oh darling, how feral you are ? ” He teased, pinning your wrists above your head, his whole body pressing you down, placing a hard kiss on your mouth, squeezing your lips and sucking them dry.

All the while his knee socket digged between your thighs and like you were born to do it, you started moving along as the pressure built up, sparks flying.

“ c'mon, c'mon...do you want a kiss ? ” His jaw slackened as you grew your pace, hips buckling at the intensity and he was kind of very impressed, enough to smile down at your blue and purple bruising bod, releasing your torment.

His fingers only waited a moment before he was knuckles deep, your breath hitched and moans ribbed apart your throat.

“ Benji, oh lord..ah..mm” you hoped he heard the ‘ I love you's ’ you were chanting for him.

“ You're so wet for me...so wet baby.” His mouth dropped to kiss a mole on your tummy, all the while penetrate his finger deeper and then one became two, immediately having your back arch, hips buckling as two turned to three, digging inside you, huffing when he angled them in a way that had you closing your eyes and lose yourself to him.

“So tight for me darling.” You opened your eyes to find his lips on your ear shell, whispering it down to you and his fist inside you, just basking in your warm tight cunt.

“ Benji... darling...” Your face crumbled as tears rolled down, and a greater woman wouldn't beg but you would do anything to have him take you, anything.

You looked just in time as Benji climbed on top of you, his arm on top your head that propped him up so he didn't crush you down.

His fingers glided back from your folds before something thicker than his finger touched your clit.

“Oh.... dear lord.” your chest raised at the heavy intake of air, but He was massive and hard for you, his shaft angry at the unattention.

“Just the tip darling.” He pecked your swollen lips, a droplet of blood sat atop, curtsy by him that he gladly tasted, “sweet.”

You remembered thinking Benji wasn't a liar but in that fucking moment, he was the biggest liar to ever lie, his length pushing down and getting lost in your folds.

You glanced between you and him and shuddered at the thought of being split open by his cock, half his length shining and struggling to wrap inside you.

“ Fuck—” He cursed, “ Your tight pussy I-isn't letting em' in.”

Your thighs ached as he pried them apart for more access, his face red and breaking sweat. He managed to go ball-deep inside you, proud tugging at the corners of his mouth.

“ Benji...” You whimpered, face blotchy with tears that spilled while he kept telling you, it was just the tip and if anything, saying darling wife after every word.

The feeling of freefall, that comes after flying high and higher and not bothering friction and gravitation that pulls, it was just like that, when Ben looked into your eyes before his first thrust inside you, you were flying in the sky with him.

One thrust — and you were falling, your body wasn't your own and it was shearing, it was gleaful, it was infinite.

Your insides clenched as he pushed more, then more and each time his nerves popped harder on his neck, his eyes clenched closer to heaven but he would open them again, using his free hand that wasn't opening your legs to wipe away the tears that streamed down your face, relishing in your soft moaning that screamed his name.

Four thrust down and his restraints broke the chains, he was no longer in control, pounding inside you and all he could do was keep telling you how good you were.

He was bloody, the way he grabbed your arse cheeks to slam his entire length in, spiralling your whole world, bruising you blue.

“ Darling, so good...so good for me.” just when he pulled out only to thrust back in your swollen cunt again, balls deep in your sweet cunt and liar said just the tip.

“ Just like that...mmm..yeah.” just when you thought you were about to split open, with stars in your eyes.

“ Baby love...I love you...I love you.” and his feral took a peak when he leaned to pin your shoulders down, you were fighting for realease but he kept telling you not yet, not now.

“ Benny please...” You cried, but you can take that, you were being so good, such a nice doll to him.

“ I love you...oh my darling, love you so much...let me fill you with my babes..” He moaned out. “ Darling—” he croaked, thrusting harder inside you, the bed shook with his pounding, his face another blissful sight but even through the daze, he wouldn't stop gawking at you, watching you moan on his cock, all your sweet nothings just for him.

“ please... darling, let me see you carry our baby...”

And you had no say before your insides were filled with his juices, warmness spreading inside and out and everything melted in a slow daze and perhaps that's chaos.

The way you came on his cock, silvery misty substance mixing with his own and he dropped his face next to you, sniffing your sweet sweaty hair and placing a soft kiss.

“ That was...” He trailed, shifting his weight next to you and you felt breath rushing in your chest, “....so good baby.”

“ hmmm...” You closed your eyes letting the moment sink, when his arm came and wrapped around your waist then spooning your whole body.

“ My sweet love.” He said, out of nowhere and time passed, your naked bodies tangled in each other, drifting in a peaceful sleep.

~~~

It was one of those dreams, his face dripping with blood, yours or his, you didn't know but the urge to touch him was forevermore.

But then the reality struck you and with more convincing you opened your eyes to moonlight lighting his whole face.

His nose was nuzzled in the crook of your neck and his innocence brighter in the sky full of stars.

His sweet warm mouth drooling over your chest, a bead of his drool cooling your skin.

And the urge was sudden, like lightening when you smiled at your beloved husband.

“ Benji...” you whispered and he didn't move, sleeping and snoring softly.

“ Ben....” you tried again, ofcourse there was tommorow awaiting, but your heart said speak now.

“ huh.” He sleepily hummed, smearing his cheek on your warm body, smiling dopily like it was a very sweet dream.

You smiled, forever remembering the memory when you reached for his hand, entwinng your fingers together.

“ I love you.” You said, “ I love you so much darling.”

And just like that, you survived the great war.

[cultofdixon]

Lost in your own mind

Daryl Dixon • She/Her Pronouns • We all have hard days and sometimes we need our partners to hold us just to make it a little less hard • ANGST/SFW • TW: Depression

Requested by: Anon

I…don’t quite know what’s happening.

The Saviors war ended…I should be happy, right?

Well…Abraham died…Glenn died, and Maggie has to raise her son alone…

Rick kept that monster alive…

Our family split into the communities…

We aren’t…all together anymore.

I don’t know what’s happening anymore

“Are you going home soon?” Carol asks Daryl as she comes to check on him after taking a month's watch for the Sanctuary.

“Just finished getting my shit together.” The archer states dropping his bag by his bike, noticing Carol’s concerned expression which bubbled his own. “What? What aren’t yea saying?”

“Y/N missed a few trading days. Michonne went in her place and wouldn’t really…tell me what’s happening”

I knew it was a mistake to go. I just—-“Is she—-“

“No! No, thankfully. That’s the only thing Michonne would update me on. She doesn’t know why Y/N hasn’t left the basement you two call home. Rick would send food down with Judith so she couldn’t say no to it. I think she’s depressed”

“Could that have been because I left to do this?”

“Hey, there’s no need to blame something or someone. Sometimes people fall into a depressive episode without a reason…” Carol leaned against the loading dock crossing her arms and avoiding his eye contact for a moment. “It could be because we were in survival mode during the war that we couldn’t feel anything else”

Daryl nods to her words taking it in and realizing that explains a lot of the feelings almost everyone affected by the war has been having.

“I…You sure it ain’t cuz—-“

“Daryl, if you’re talking about the moment…the exact moment after the war just ended? You know she understands why you pushed her away but that was months ago. Not everyone is going to feel everything that happened to them because of Negan and the Saviors right when the war is over”

Hell, you’re still going through it

You’re still back there.

Daryl rode his bike throughout the night have escorting Carol back to the Kingdom to make sure she got home safe before going back home to Alexandria. He knew his mind was racing on the endless possibilities of Y/N could be doing while in this episode but all she did was not leave their home beneath the Grimes residence.

The archer was greeted by a few friends as he entered the community, and was informed that Rick and Michonne weren’t in (Jude being watched by Aaron). So he’ll be alone with his partner until the Grimes return.

To his surprise, Y/N was in the main kitchen when he opened the door entering the quiet home. She kept her attention in front of her at the jammed bread she just had prior to Daryl coming home.

“Hey” His voice was softer than normal in case he startled her but she only acknowledge his presence a short moment after he spoke. A bit unphased.

“Hey…did you just get back?”

“Yeah, uhm. The watch is over so…” Daryl brought himself to sit at the kitchen island as Y/N picked up her plate and knife bringing it with her to sit with him. “Carol came by before I drove back. You feeling okay?”

“Uhm…No” Even in the state of mind she was in, she wouldn’t lie to Daryl. Not only would he be one of the few to see right through the lie, but she didn’t have the energy to keep it going if she did. “You hungry? I…made it but I’m not really feeling it anymore”

As the plate was pushed in his direction, Daryl took the knife she had cutting it in half and giving her the other while he ate his.

“Yea made it for yourself. I’ll share it but least have some of it” After he said such, Y/N picked at it at first before deciding to finally eat it.

They sat in silence for a bit and Daryl relaxed when Y/N brought her head to rest on his shoulder but her body tensed. As if she was afraid to do such, like…he’d disappear again. He brought his arm around her shoulders feeling the tension in her shoulder finally relax.

“Let’s turn in, yeah?”

“It’s not too early?”

“Nah, come on” Daryl gave a small smile before getting out of the seat taking her hand into his making their way to the basement.

It wasn’t a basement exactly, just a living quarters underneath the main house.

It was…well exactly how he left it. Looked as if he just moved in and nothing was made for it to look like their home so it brought back the moment.

“Daryl?” Y/N calls out to him as he walked away from the scene of Maggie falling to the earth sobbing while Michonne comforted her even if she sided with her husband.

“Daryl!” She called out following him into the forest watching him stop abruptly making her freeze in her place.

“Do you agree with what he’s done? With Rick’s stupid decision to keep that bastard alive”

“Is this a loaded question for me or a simple…” She quieted herself when Daryl turned toward her with an annoyed expression. He didn’t mean to. “No I don’t agree with what Rick has done”

“Will you hate me for mine?”

“What?”

“I…just need a moment alone. I don’t want you to think that I don’t need you or nothin’. Before this whole fight we were gonna…settle? Be us. Then I got taken. You got attacked. Our home got set ablaze. It’s a lot and…”

“Daryl…just. If I come to you, don’t push me away. I’ll give you what you want but I…”

“If you call, I’ll be there.”

Y/N knew that were true but she got stuck in her own mind from all that happened that she didn’t want to flood what could be going on in Daryl’s. Even if in this very moment, Daryl wanted to know everything going on. Just a word would do.

His partner got into the bed while he got out of the clothes from the day. Y/N already wore sweats as she’s been dressing more comfortably the past month since she hasn’t left the walls. He glances at her through the mirror on their shared dresser seeing her sit comfortable by the pillows but keep a blank gaze.

Once the archer got his boots off, he got comfortable in the bed beside Y/N and before she laid down he opened his arm for her.

“Come here, sunshine” He whispers watching her lay into his side feeling his hand gently rub soothing motions on her back. “I’m not going anywhere” he states pressing a kiss to the top of her head as she shifts to bring herself more into his embrace. “Everything’s okay. You are okay” he whispers to her feeling her tighten her grasp on him.

“Nothings…wrong” Y/N exhales a shaky breath feeling him hold her closer. “I’m fine you know…”

“I do” Daryl replies keeping his hand rubbing circles on her back feeling her head turn into his chest. “You are fine, you are going to be fine”

It happened slowly…the tears that sprung from her eyes as she cried into her partner’s chest feeling him tighten around her in a protective manner pressing a kiss to the top of her head.

“I’m never leaving you again”

[helloalycia]

𝐓𝐇𝐄 𝐑𝐀𝐍𝐂𝐇𝐄𝐑𝐒 [𝐎𝐍𝐄] // 𝐚𝐥𝐢𝐜𝐢𝐚 𝐜𝐥𝐚𝐫𝐤

summary: as tensions rise between your tribe at Black Hat and the Ottos at the ranch, you're certain the killing won't end. Of course, things start to change when the Clarks join the ranch, and one Clark in particular seems to be after the same thing as you: peace.

warning/s: mentions of discrimination, violence, death and injury.

author's note: hey all! so this was a request on here about a month ago and i've been trying very hard to get it written up, but between work and being ill lol, it's been hard. Finally though, it's here! this first chapter is a lil quick-paced to get through the scenes in the show, but it slows down after this and there’s much more alicia x you scenes too. four parts to expect, so stay tuned :)

(also peep the new layout 👀)

two / three / four / masterlist / wattpad

I was finishing eating lunch when my dad returned from his outing with a small party from our tribe. He didn't look hurt in any way thankfully, but when he spotted me, he dismissed those around him so he could speak to me privately.

"Hey, Y/N," he sighed, pulling me in for a side hug. "How are you?"

I returned the hug, curious to what he wanted to share. "I'm good. What happened? Did you get into another confrontation with the ranchers?"

The ranchers were those inhabiting Broke Jaw Ranch, owned by the Otto family, and whom had problems with us at Black Hat Reservation ever since they stole our land. Prior to the dead rising, my father and ancestors had been trying to win back the land the legal way, but legalities never worked in our favour. Now, no more laws meant resorting to the old fashioned method – violence. And that was exactly what the ranchers practiced, which made me fear every time my father left our home.

"We came across Troy and some others," my dad explained. Troy was one of Jeremiah Otto's sons – the other being Jake – who also headed up the ranch, and he was an absolute dickhead, but a dangerous one. "We warned them to stay away from us."

"You think they'll listen?" I asked.

He tried not to smile as he suddenly threw a bag on the ground from his back, and out tumbled several pairs of boots. Presumably Troy and his party's.

"They should get the hint," he answered. "And if not, they know the helicopter was us. They know what we're capable of."

I sighed inwardly, knowing he was referring to the helicopter our people had shot out of the sky the other night. It wasn't something I was particularly proud of, even if I wasn't directly involved, but it did serve to send a message. I understood why we did it, but sometimes I only wanted peace and not more violence.

"What is it?" he asked, sensing something was wrong.

I looked up at him, expression softening. "Can't we try to negotiate with them? I'm sure if we agreed to speak with Jake–"

"You know what this land means to our people," he said sternly. "The Ottos don't negotiate. Never have. Why would we try to meet them halfway?"

I nodded slowly, having heard this many times before. And to an extent, he was right. The ranchers and the Ottos were all the same, as experience had shown us. They didn't like us one bit, solely because we were different to them.

But if there was a chance at negotiation, Jake would be the one to go to. The most levelheaded of the Ottos, he wanted a peaceful solution, too. But my father didn't trust him, nor see it that way. And maybe I should've started to think like him, too.

"Sorry, I know you're right," I admitted. "I'm just tired of trying to survive, even now. I thought it would be over."

My dad frowned apologetically before pulling me in for a hug. "We're going to get our land back. And they aren't going to hurt us anymore. We've got the upper hand now, Y/N, you just wait."

I nodded, returning his hug, and tried to stop being so soft. His methods weren't always agreeable, but maybe they were necessary to winning this war.

"I'm gonna double check our security on the perimeter," he said once he pulled away. "Take care of yourself."

I offered him a small smile as I watched him walk away, before it faded and I felt shitty all over again. Deciding to get my mind off it, I went to the well to get some water, only for Ofelia to join my side and earn my attention.

"Hey, you look down," she noticed, glancing at me as she filled her bottle up. "What's up?"

Ofelia was one of our newest members of the Black Hat Reservation, someone my father saved from dying out in the desert. As I'd gotten to know her more and more, we became quite good friends and I was grateful to have her around, not really opening up to many people like I did her.

"Just thinking about all this stuff with the ranch," I admitted. "It's tiring is all."

"They should give back what they stole," Ofelia said with a sigh. "They can't get away with it, even now."

"I know," I agreed. "I just– sometimes I feel like the violence is a never ending cycle. They steal from us. We fight them. They fight us. We blow up their helicopter. When does it end?"

"When they surrender," Ofelia said confidently, and I envied it because why couldn't I think that way? Why did I have to be so soft?

I nodded, spacing out a little as I looked back to the well. She squeezed my shoulders slightly, comforting me.

"It won't always be like this," she promised. "We're getting close. They'll give it up eventually. And the cycle will end."

"I hope so," I muttered, before nudging her in the side. "Thanks, Ofelia."

She smiled. "You're welcome."

Barely a few days later, there was a commotion out front, and by the time I'd left the diner to see what was happening, my father was stood before Jake Otto himself and a stranger he'd brought along with him, probably another rancher. All guns were pointed their way and I grew curious to why Jake had shown up. Did he want to negotiate? Maybe there was a chance after all?

"Take them inside whilst I get cleaned up," my dad ordered, flicking his hand.

Some guards ushered Jake and the girl inside the diner as I exchanged glances with my dad, ignoring the bloody apron he wore, a consequence of him beheading a pig moments before.

"You're hearing him out?" I asked, trying to hide any hopefulness, but he knew me too well.

"Doesn't mean anything," he told me, giving me a knowing look. "But we shall hear what he has to say."

I tried to contain my curiosity and eagerness as I nodded. After waiting for him to clean himself up, we both went to the diner and took a seat at the booth opposite Jake and the mystery girl. It was quiet at first, Jake and my father eyeing each other up. Then his eyes met mine and he nodded slightly in acknowledgement, to which I returned. We'd spoken a few times on occasion, but that was in the old world.

The mystery girl beside him also looked between my father and I, though with a hardened stare as if she'd already made her mind up about us. It could have been laughable considering she didn't know us, but I was too eager to hear what their proposal was to care.

"My father will never abandon the ranch," Jake started calmly, meeting my dad's eyes. "You know that."

Without faltering, my dad answered, "Then we'll feed him to the crows like Phil McCarthy." I tried not to cringe as I recalled said rancher being left to be pecked away by crows when he trespassed on our land. "Then Russell Brown and Vernon Trimbol."

Those named were all shared founders of Broke Jaw Ranch, and the number one reason we could never have our land returned to us. My father harboured enough hatred for them for all of us, and I didn't blame him, even if he sometimes let it dictate his actions.

"Russell's dead," Jake informed us. "The adobe burned."

A little pleased, my dad said, "That karma's overdue, but welcomed."

"Vernon Trimbol's dead, too," the mystery girl spoke, eyeing my father curiously.

"I hope it was a long and... painful illness," my dad said without any remorse.

"He died with his family," the girl continued, almost challengingly. "His wife, his daughter. You killed them."

I furrowed my brows, eyes studying the brunette and her absurd accusation. But before I could even think to defend my father, he spoke calmly to Jake.

"Is this girl speaking for you?"

The girl and Jake exchanged glances before Jake ignored my father's question and instead pleaded, "We need the violence to stop."

"Soon will, Jake," my dad answered nonchalantly, before raising three fingers in the air. "Three down, one to go."

"My father never did anything to you or your people–" Jake began, but this seemed to irritate my dad.

"Tell me, junior," he interrupted, "do the lies turn your stomach? Do you taste the bile in the back of your throat?"

"State police investigated this," Jake explained, "they found no correlation between–"

"Stop–" my father banged his hand on the table with frustration, "–talking. You're boring me, like you did in court. Those days are dead."

"I thought we had an understanding, even outside of court," Jake tried again, and I could see why my father was growing more angry, despite holding it in.

"I understood," my father reminded him. "When you came here with your drunk friends, I was to serve them their food with a smile on my face. Tolerate their slurs. Clean up their vomit in the toilet, and thank them for their pocket change tips."

I swallowed hard, the memories of those days returning to mind as he mentioned them. Nobody wanted to see their family belittled, but that's exactly what we had to endure from Jake's family. The peace we wanted was looking farther and farther out of reach.

"The days of the white man's courts are over," my dad told him. "Land grabs, desecrations... over. Now you have our verdict. The first humans' verdict. You must vacate our lands."

It fell quiet as Jake stared at my father, trying to read his expression. Would he finally give in? Could this be it?

"I was hoping for a parley," Jake said instead, and I should have known it was too good to be true. "A chance to negotiate and to avoid more loss."

I glanced at my dad, seeing him stuck in thought as he digested Jake's words. But this was exactly what I was after this whole time and we couldn't just let it slip by.

"Let's do it," I spoke up for the first time, earning everyone's attention.

"Y/N–"

"No, I'm serious," I cut my dad off as he tried to make me reconsider, no doubt. "A parley is good. It's what we all need. To stop the killing. To stop the cycle."

"Exactly," the mystery girl agreed, and I glanced at her with both gratitude and curiosity.

My dad paused, studying my expression, and I communicated my hope for this all I could with just my eyes. Thankfully, he seemed to understand.

"Maybe you're right," he finally gave in, responding to Jake's offer. "If a parley can spare blood... we can talk about it. After we eat."

Just on cue, Ofelia approached our booth with a tray of freshly prepared food, setting it down before us.

After sharing an awkwardly quiet meal with Jake and his newly introduced rancher friend, Alicia, the latter excused herself to chat with Ofelia outside. I watched them leave, wondering who exactly Alicia was and how she knew Ofelia, but my attention was returned to Jake and my dad as they discussed the terms of the parley.

One of our people were to be exchanged with one of theirs as a hostage – in this case, Jake – to earn each other's trust and respect the temporary ceasefire. I was familiar with this method and even ready to offer myself up, but as soon as I brought it up to my dad once Jake left the room, I was immediately shut down.

"I'm not sending you," he said in that annoyingly calm but stern voice he pulled out on his subordinates. "I've already decided it's Ofelia."

I raised my eyebrows with disbelief. "Dad, c'mon. I'm the right person for this! You know peace is all I've been preaching! I can do this, just let me! Let me be useful!"

"You are useful," he told me. "Here."

"Dad–!"

"End of discussion!" he silenced me, before closing his eyes with annoyance. "You're not going over there. Ofelia knows what she's doing. She's older."

"So, what? I'm a kid all of a sudden?" I asked rhetorically. "We both know I stopped being a kid a long time ago. Back when–"

"Don't say it," he warned me, and the hurt returned to his eyes momentarily. "Please, Y/N. Just respect my decision."

I clenched my jaw, frowning. I couldn't argue this with him, I knew it. As much as I wanted to, I couldn't hurt him, so I nodded reluctantly and left it at that.

"Good," he said with relief. "C'mon."

We joined the others outside, where Ofelia and Alicia seemed to finish up their conversation. My dad nodded to Ofelia, who approached us, seeming to know what was going to happen. After discussing the parley with her, we waited for Jake to be ready, but he seemed to be bickering quietly with Alicia on the sidelines.

"Do we have a parley or not?" my father asked impatiently, interrupting their fight.

Jake gave Alicia a disapproving stare, but nodded. "It appears we do. Alicia will be staying."

My father nodded and motioned for Jake to follow him for a moment. This was the perfect chance for me to speak to Ofelia.

"You know them?" I asked her quietly, away from prying ears.

"Only Alicia," she answered truthfully. "Remember when I told you about that family who helped me? The Clarks?" I nodded and she continued, "That's Alicia, the daughter."

I was surprised to say the least, glancing over at the brunette in question. "Small world."

"Uh-huh..."

"From what you told me about them, about her, it doesn't sound like they're like the Ottos," I said with confusion. "Why is she helping them?"

Ofelia frowned, looking down at her shoes. "We killed Travis, her family. He was in the helicopter when we shot it down."

I sighed, glancing out at the Clark girl who was standing with her arms crossed, looking like she was holding in a restrained anger. It made sense now, why she was so frustrated back there.

"It wasn't right," I said quietly, looking back to Ofelia, "but dad's stubborn. He wasn't trying to hurt anyone but the Ottos."

"Well, Alicia won't let that go," Ofelia said knowingly. "Not right now."

"But she's staying for the parley, so that's gotta be a good thing, right?" I asked somewhat hopefully.

Ofelia nodded. "She's levelheaded. Smart. She wants the same as you, Y/N. Peace. She won't wreck this, if that's what you're worried about."

I hummed in acknowledgment, studying Alicia once more, wondering if she was all of these things Ofelia was saying and more. If this was the same girl who took Ofelia and her family in when they needed help, the same girl who cared for strangers as if they were her own, then maybe all wasn't doomed.

"I have to go," Ofelia suddenly said, eyes glancing behind me at Jake and my father.

I nodded, pulling her in for a quick hug. "Be careful over there. They aren't all like your friend."

Ofelia snickered quietly. "I know." Then she met my eyes one last time, nodding in Alicia's direction. "Look out for her, yeah? She's good."

I nodded, if not for the stranger, then for Ofelia. "I promise."

Shortly after Ofelia left with Jake and a scout, I found myself washing up some dishes in the diner kitchen as usual. My dad was showing Alicia around the place, but I didn't expect him to turn up in the kitchen with her in tow, leaving her to me.

"Y/N," he called, and I shut off the tap, turning around and surprised to see to them. "Alicia is going to be sticking with you during her time here, helping around as much as she can. Is that alright?"

I raised my eyebrows slightly, glancing at the deadpan expression of the girl in question before meeting my father's eyes questioningly. Why me? There were so many other people he could have left her with. And besides, I thought he didn't trust my instincts when it came to stuff like this.

Obviously, I couldn't argue that with him in front of her, so I simply nodded.

"Sure," I said awkwardly, before meeting the green eyes already fixed on me. "You can help me finish the washing up, I guess."

"Thank you," my dad said gratefully, before leaving the two of us alone.

"Nice to meet you," I greeted her. "I'm Y/N."

"Walker's daughter, right?"

"Yeah," I confirmed, before turning to face the sink as she joined my side. Swallowing uncomfortably, I felt the need to glance at her and say, "I'm sorry. About your– about Travis."

She furrowed her brows. "How do you know that? How– how can you even say that? It was your father's orders that killed him."

She wasn't shouting, but the anger in her voice was still present, only making me feel guilty because she wasn't wrong.

"Ofelia told me," I answered. "And I didn't want that to happen. I told my dad not to shoot the heli down, but his hatred for the Ottos runs deeper than anything else. Even me, sometimes."

She clenched her jaw, looking down at the sink, and I almost regretted bringing it up in the first place.

"What do you want me to do?" she changed the subject.

Knowing I couldn't do much about her dismissiveness, I nodded to the sink. "Start washing, I guess."

Between the two of us, we finished washing all the dishes and pans in no time, an uncomfortable silence filling the air, then I wiped my hands and spoke.

"I'm gonna go pick some vegetables from the field, if you wanna join."

"Do I have a choice?" she asked, neither bitter nor indifferent, but it still rubbed me the wrong way.

"Look, you might not like this, but this exchange is the only way to ensure peace. If this works, maybe things can finally be okay."

She quirked a brow curiously. "And you want that?"

"What?"

"Peace?"

I looked to her with confusion. "Why wouldn't I?" She rose an eyebrow judgementally, so I asked, "Do you?"

Her eyes flickered between mine, giving nothing away. "Of course. I want to be safe. I want to keep my family safe."

"So do I," I said gently.

"Then we're in agreement," she noticed.

I sighed quietly, already leading her out the kitchen. "If only it were that easy."

She mumbled in agreement as she followed me to the vegetable patch, the both of us holding a basket to collect our pickings in. Again, it was quiet between us, something I presumed would remain considering we were still 'enemies', but it didn't last long as she spoke up.

"Will this really work?" she asked from beside me.

I paused, glancing at her as she worked. "Well, if we leave them out any longer, the sun's gonna fry them and then they won't be very edible any–"

"Not this," she stopped me, giving me a disapproving look. "The parley."

"Oh." I cleared my throat, continuing to pick the chillies from the plant. "Hopefully, yeah. If your people treat Ofelia with respect–"

"They aren't my people," she interrupted firmly.

As if she wasn't a mystery already.

"Okay...," I said slowly. "Well, if the ranchers treat Ofelia with respect, a relationship of sorts can form between us and them, opening everything up to negotiation."

"And if they don't?" Alicia asked.

I gave her a questioning look. "Won't they?" When she didn't answer, I grew worried. "Alicia, is Ofelia in danger there?"

"No, no she's not," she assured me when she saw my expression. "Not with Jake. He'll keep her safe."

Feeling warm under the sun, I used my sleeve to wipe at my face and sighed. "Jake is patient, much easier to talk to than his family, but it's not enough."

"Your father isn't very patient," Alicia commented.

I smiled dryly. "My people have been patient for centuries. More than you could know, Alicia."

"I'm not going to pretend to understand what the history of the ranch means to you and your people," she said earnestly, "but I'm hoping we can find a peaceful resolution. That's why I'm here, Y/N."

I nodded, meeting her gaze. For some stupid reason, I wanted to believe her. I think I might have. She seemed different to the others, maybe because of everything Ofelia had told me of her. I wasn't sure, but I truly hoped she wouldn't disappoint.

Unfortunately for everyone, the parley didn't last long and I still wasn't sure if it was slightly my fault. Maybe if I'd kept a closer eye on Alicia, they wouldn't have smuggled her out of there? Or maybe it was inevitable.

I wasn't sure. All I knew was one second I was telling her to get some water from the well and the next there was the sound of shooting coming from outside, along with a mini ambush of ranchers. By the time I'd grabbed a gun and made it outside, they were already driving away, a glimpse of Alicia in the backseat of their truck. And to make things worse, a few of our people were either injured or shot dead.

It angered me, but mostly I felt disappointment at the fact that we'd come full circle yet again. Alicia had seemed different earlier today, like she actually wanted this to work. So, why had she broken out of here, hurting my people in the process?

My fault for believing her, I suppose.

Of course, this didn't bode well with my dad, and understandably so. However, I certainly didn't expect him to send Ofelia undercover there, under the guise that she'd been thrown out, when in fact she was there solely to poison their militia with anthrax. As soon as she returned, that was when I found out. I worried about what was going on with her, since I didn't even know she'd left, but she was distracted.

"Ofelia, what the hell happened?" I asked worriedly, upon seeing her battered and bruised face. "Where have you been?!"

"The ranch," she answered angrily, though it wasn't directed at me. "I was supposed to make them sick. But he didn't tell me– it was fucking anthrax!"

"What are you talking about?" I said with confusion, trying to meet her flickering gaze. "Why were you at the ranch? What anthrax?"

And that's when she explained the plan, conducted by none other than my father. Except the catch was that it wasn't a little something to just weaken their militia, it was anthrax poisoning to kill as many of them as possible, and Ofelia didn't know until it was too late.

"Alicia didn't want to mess up this parley," she continued to explain. "Her mother used Troy to get her back because she was scared for her. It wasn't her fault. She still wants peace."

At this newfound information, I was surprised and also a little relieved because, stupidly enough, I still believed there was hope.

"And now her brother, Nick, is sick because of the anthrax," Ofelia finished guiltily. "And it's my fault."

I frowned, shaking my head. "It's not. You didn't know. He should've told you."

Not in the mood for my sympathy, Ofelia shrugged me off and walked away to be alone. And I only grew more frustrated at my father, ashamed at his manipulating tactics amongst his own people, all because of a vendetta.

Storming over to him in the greenhouse, I tried to keep myself calm, but it only irked me more when he tried to pretend everything was okay.

"Hey, Y/N, you okay?"

Squeezing my fists together, I stared at him with disbelief. "Seriously? Am I okay?!"

Confused, he blinked. "Is that a no?"

"You lied to Ofelia about the anthrax!"

He sighed, like this was all a mild inconvenience. "I didn't want to. But it needed to be done. Someone had to weaken their militia."

"You don't get it, do you?" I asked with a glare. "This will never end. They killed our people. You poisoned theirs. They'll just keep coming back. It's a never ending cycle!"

"And I'll keep it going if it means getting justice for our people!" he finally snapped. "If it means protecting our home, taking back our land, then yes, I will keep going!"

I unclenched my jaw, exhausted already. "Wow. I hate to say it, dad, but maybe this just isn't worth it anymore. Maybe the ranch isn't worth it."

He frowned with frustration, about to retaliate and berate me no doubt, but our argument was conveniently interrupted by the sound of shouting in the distance. The two of us ran out to see what the commotion was, only to see some of our tipis on fire, along with ranchers driving around and shooting around.

"Defence, now!" my father ordered, and I immediately ran to grab the nearest gun before taking cover.

It wouldn't have made a difference though, as soon enough, a pickup truck belonging to the ranchers began to drive away with our reliquary in tow, one that contained many of our ancestor's belongings in one place. The only rancher who knew of its existence was Alicia, considering my father had shown it to her when she was here. Which only meant one thing.

She'd told them to steal it.

As predicted, this war was a constant back and forth and my dad was only seeking revenge, as usual. Once the ranchers had stolen our reliquary, they used it to try and negotiate peace with my father. But he was so angry that he declined and threatened them, giving them until nightfall to vacate the ranch. Instead, Alicia's mother, Madison Clark, did one even better. She offered us up Jeremiah Otto's head.

And that was how we negotiated a peace deal, where we could finally move back onto our own land, though sharing it with the ranchers.

It wasn't ideal, but if it meant no more bloodshed, and also no more Jeremiah, then my father was more than happy to accept. So, a handful of us began moving in.

Most of the ranchers seemed to accept it, but I couldn't personally be sure. I tried not to focus on that though, nor the clear divide between our people. Instead, I did what I did best. Gardening.

I was taking stock in the vegetable patches to see what was growing and what else could be planted when I heard someone approaching behind me. To my surprise, it was Alicia.

"Hey," she greeted softly.

I nodded awkwardly before returning my attention to the clipboard in hand. We hadn't properly spoken since the parley was broken, so I wasn't so sure where we stood with one another.

"So, it worked," she tried to make conversation, referring to the peace deal.

"Barely," I mumbled.

It went quiet, and if it weren't for the fact that her footsteps weren't heard, I could have believed she'd left.

"I didn't know they were going to come for me," she suddenly said, a hint of guilt in her voice. "My mother was worried."

I shrugged halfheartedly, but she felt the need to justify it, as if she cared what I thought.

"I didn't want more people to die."

Finally, I lifted my eyes to meet hers. "Nobody ever does. But when it's my people, it's just collateral, right?"

Her lips curved into a slight frown as she shook her head, and I really wanted to believe her. Desperately. Because she seemed genuine, and if she was, then this wouldn't be for nothing.

"Jeremiah is gone now," she reminded me. "This can be a fresh start."

I pressed my lips together, lowering my clipboard. "I know that. You know that. But what about the ranchers? His followers?"

"Most of them only want peace," she tried to reassure me. "They'll follow anyone who gives them a sense of safety."

I suppressed the urge to scoff. "I hope so."

"The only way to show them that is to be unified," she added.

I quirked a brow. "And how do you suppose we do that?"

She tilted her head slightly. "Work with me, not against me. Side by side. If our people see us working together, maybe they'll realise it's not a bad thing."

I exhaled quietly, impressed at her thinking. "That's a good idea." She nodded gratefully, and I continued, "But why? Why would you care? And why us?"

She ran a hand through her hair as she explained patiently, "I've already told you that I only want to keep my family safe, same as you. So, why not work together in that? You're the daughter of the leader of those the ranchers are learning to trust. They see you working with us, they'll ease up. I just know it."

It made sense what she was saying, and she'd never done anything to give me reason to distrust her. Best case scenario, we could truly establish peace. Worst case scenario, we didn't become friends. I couldn't see much to lose, so I gave in with a nod.

"Okay. I guess you're right, Alicia."

She began to smile, both hopeful and relieved. "Great. Maybe we can start with me giving you a rundown on what we're growing?"

I sighed, returning her smile, and it felt good to have a reason to smile again. "I– yeah. That would be super helpful actually."

[writer66]

Chapter 1: S7 "The Bad Batch"

Hunter (The Bad Batch) x Femalejedi!reader

Series Summary: You've always liked clones... At least the ones that you fought with your old Master Obi Wan Kenobi, and your older brother Anakin Skywalker, after your training you became a Jedi Knight General. However, you weren't given a platoon but a small squad... Clone Force 99.

Chapter Summary: You meet the batch and find them really odd. You have to go on a mission with them with Rex and a few other clones. This reveals an old friend.

Masterlist

Genre: Strangers to Friends (sort of) to Lovers

Warnings: cannon typical violence, talk of death, mild injuries, the Force, slight cannon deviation (mostly in later chapters)

Word Count: 2570

Author Notes: As stated in the Masterlist these stories will get spicy so 18+ unless you are old enough to handle the content. This will be more of getting to know the characters and establishing bonds/relationships. I will not be using Y/N, the OC is Aria Skywalker, Anakin's younger sister.

The battle for Anaxes! One of the Republic's largest shipyards is under attack, from Admiral Trench's Separatist Forces. Jedi Generals Mace Windu, Anakin Skywalker, and Aria Skywalker, lead a two-pronged assault on the ground and in the air. But after weeks of heated battle and mounting losses, the Republic's grip on Anaxes begins to slip away.

"The droids have overrun our main production facility. It won't be long before the Separatists take Anaxes. Compromising our entire fleet." Mace Windu says to Anakin and Aria.

"Pardon the interruption, General, but Rex here has a good theory on why we keep, uh... losing." Commander Cody says to the Generals. "Please, Captain" Windu responds, "The droid army uses analytic to predict our strategy. The first time we use a tactic, it's very effective. The next, less so. In fact, the more we use a certain tactic, the less effective it becomes. They learn our tendencies and use that data against us. To counter them, we're constantly working out ways to vary our attack." Rex says, "But the losses we are experiencing on Anaxes are not commonplace." "Exactly. The counterattacks are so specific, it's my strategy the droids know, my playbook." Cody jumps in, "my concern is that Rex is one of our best. If the droids can learn to defeat him, we may all be vulnerable." "What do you purpose?" Windu Asks, "Let Rex and me take a small squad behind enemy lines. There is a Separatist Cyber Center which relays all battlefield intel to their command ship. If we're going to find anything, it will be there." "If you think that it will help turn this fight around, get going. But take General Skywalker with you" Both Anakin and Aria looked at one another, confused Windu saw the sibling's confusion and said "little Skywalker." Aria smiled at Rex and Cody. "Thank you General" "Rex, is there anything else?" Anakin questioned, knowing something was off with his captain. "No, General."

Aria, Cody, and Rex all go to gear up. "Come on, Rex, time to move out." Cody says going into his barracks, "Fives, Echo, and before that Heavy. There's so many troopers gone." "Yeah, regular folk don't understand. Sometimes in war, it's hard to be the one that survives." "That's what I'm worried about." "Well, what do you mean?" "I didn't tell the Generals. They might think I'm crazy. In fact, you might think I'm crazy." "What is it?" "I think Echo's alive." "That's not possible. He died at the Citadel." "The way the droids are countering us here, the strategies I'm using, they're all old battle plans Echo and I drew up together." "Look, Rex, I hear what you're saying. But it's just not possible." "I hope you're right. But the fact is, Echo's fingerprints are all over the Separatist strategies." "Rex. You have to admit what you're saying is a long shot at best, and most likely, misplaced hope. I need you to be focused on this." "I-I know, I know. Don't worry." Cody heads for the door, "so, what squad are we taking in?" "Clone Force 99."

As Rex and Cody come out, Aria is standing with Jesse and Kix, two more of her favourite clones, other than Rex and Cody. "Look at that, the bromance is done, can we go now?" Aria asks, "hey, you should be used to the bromance, you're constantly surrounded by guys." Jesse says, "watch it, Jesse, we might just leave you here." "Oh snap" Kix says laughing, "Repeat, coming in hot on platform TT-3-9-7." A clone says over the intercom. "Hey come on you three, time to go meet this Clone Force 99." Rex says.

"So why haven't I heard of this squad?" "Yeah, what's up with that, Cody?" Aria said supporting Rex. "Experimental unit Clone Force 99, they're defective clones with, uh... desirable mutations." "99, hey? Nice touch." "They call themselves "The Bad Batch" "hm, creative" Aria says curiously.

The ship's door in front of the 4 clones and Jedi opens showing 4 very different clones, one yells "the cavalry has arrived!" Kix and Jesse stare at each other scared out of the minds, Aria can tell she can't help but laugh a little. They all take off their helmets, still looking very different, one with a small tattoo covering his eye shaped like a target. The next has glasses, then the tallest clone Aria had ever seen. Finally, the fourth was very different, smaller than the others but still a lot taller than her, but it wasn't his height that intrigued her it was half of his face that was also covered in a tattoo, it looked like a skull, matching the one on his red bandana. "These guys are clones? They don't look like clones to me." Kix says

"Sergeant, good to see you again." Cody greets the one with the skull tattoo. "You too, sir." "This is Hunter" Cody says to the rest of us. "Sorry, we're late, Commander. We ere putting down an insurrection on Yalbec Prime when your comm came in. Had a few unforeseen... complications." The big clone chuckles, "ever fought a male Yalbec?" "Um, no. Can't say I have." Jesse says, "ha, you're lucky. Only way to kill 'em is with one of these." He says as he pulls out some kind of blade. "That's right. Wrecker here cut off the Queen's stinger while she was still alive. That's why all those Yalbec males tried to eat us." Hunter says, "uh, technically, they were trying to mate with us. And, for your information, the stinger of a Yalbec Queen is a delicacy on some planets." "They call him Tech." Cody says, "yeah, he can fill your head with useless info for hours." Hunter says, giving him a friendly punch to Tech's arm. "Crosshair, on the other hand, he's not much of a conversationalist, but when you have to hit a precise target from ten clicks, Crosshair's your man." "Impressive" Aria says, "This is General Jedi Knight Aria Skywal-" "As in little sister of General Anakin Skywalker?" Tech says. "Yeah…" Aria responds, "oh my, I've heard so many things about you guys!" "Cool" "hey, Tech, stop fangirling." Crosshair says teasing. "So, Commander, what kind of "suicide mission" do you have for us this time?" Hunter says interrupting. "Let's get going. We'll brief you on the way."

They all got on transport ships and went on their way. "What are you looking at?" Jesse says disturbing the silence. The question was aimed at Crosshair, who responded with, "we don't usually work with "regs."" ""regs?"" "He's talking about regular clones. But don't take it personally." Hunter says, stepping in to avoid any conflict. "We're all on the same team, guys" Cody says. "So cut the attitude and listen up" Aria adds. "Here's the mission. Our target is this Cyber Center. It's the "brains" of the entire Separatist campaign here on Anaxes." Cody debriefs, "I could demolish that with one hand! Yeah!" "This isn't a demo job, Wrecker. It's strictly a retrieval operation." "Dang" "hey, next time Wrecker" Aria says to lift his spirits."

"INCOMING FIRE!" the pilot says, they all try to hold their balance as they get shot at. "We're going down!" Wrecker yells as he laughs. They all crash-land. Wreck and Aria help get everyone out, "We always get shot down when we travel with regs." "Cody! Help!" Kix yells, "He's trapped! We have to do something." "I'll get him" Rex says. "Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. Easy Captain. Wrecker, get him out." "Get back!" "This is ridiculous. He's gonna need help to get Cody out of there." Crosshair chuckles, "He's gonna get the gunship out of there. Not Cody." Wrecker picks up the ship and throws it, so he can get Cody, then it blows up. "Boom!" they all crowed around Cody. Kix scans for injuries. "He has internal damage. I can cut the pain. But he needs up fast." "We all need help." Crosshair says as he sees droids on their way, "that blast gave away our position." "I thought getting shot down gave away our position." "Everyone find cover" Rex says, "We'll hold those position and let them come to us." "I don't think so, Captain. That's not our style. We prefer going to them. Bad Batch! Plan 82, "Shockwave!"" The Bad Batch bust into action, they defeat all the droids, while the other 5 stand and do nothing.

"That was some show you put on just now" Rex says. "Just doing our job, Captain." Hunter responds, he hears Wrecker laughing. "Hey, look, Crosshair, this little clanker likes you." Crosshair scoffs, "grow up, Wrecker." "We should move out before reinforcements arrive. Our positions has been compromised." Aria says to the Captain and Sergeant.

They're able to get into a small part of the forest and set up a small camp. They all keep to themselves, Kix and Jesse sit together on a rock while Rex is with Cody, and Batchers all together except Hunter who was further off in the distance. Aria was just standing, not knowing what to do. "So, I get what makes the other Batchers unique, but what's so special about Hunter?" Jesse says to Kix "He can put up with the other three." "He was engineered with heightened senses. A place like the Cyber Center, Hunter can feel the electromagnetic frequencies from anywhere on the planet." Tech says. "And here I thought we were smart just using a holomap." Jesse says, "well, maps can be wrong. Hunter never is."

Cody groans, "Cody!" Aria sits next to Rex. "Hey hang in there Cody." Rex says getting up, "listen up. We have to move out." "Commander Cody's in no position to move." "Already called in Evac. Kix will stay with Cody until it arrives. Aria's in charge and as her second in command I have a plan to get into that Cyber Center." "If your plans are so good, why did Commander Cody have to call us in?" Crosshair challenges. "You can't talk to Captain Rex like that!" Jesse says, "says who?" Wrecker says, as he picks up Jesse by his neck. "Put him down!" Kix says. A little fight breaks out. "Wrecker, drop him. Now." "Guys stop, come on." Aria and Hunter say at the same time. The fight stops, "we're all fighting for the same thing, right?" Aria asks, knowing the answer. "Let's cut the chatter and finish what we started. We'll do it your way, Captain. For Commander Cody." Hunter finishes. "Okay, let's gear up and move out."

The 5 troopers and Jedi move out, heading toward the Center. "Not our primary target. It's an outpost. Should we take it?" Hunter asks the Captain, "probably easier than going around." "All right, what are your orders? We pick them off from the tree line one-by-one?" "Actually, I was thinking we'd take a page from your book. Rush them head on." "I like your style."

The battle starts, "ah, clones, get them!" One droid says, Aria cuts off his head and flips over two more, cutting them in half. The 6 quickly take them all out and get inside. They take the platform up, "hey, you're not authorized..." another droid says. Again the droids fall, wrecker had to come up last. "Aw, is it over already? Aw, man!" "Not bad. For a reg." Hunter says to Rex, All right. There it is. The Cyber Center." Tech says, "It looks like the Cyber Center itself has minimal guards, about 30 droids. Oh, wait, wait. I got a massive signal coming in. A whole platoon of droids is headed this way." "Someone's noticed our handiwork back at the crash site" Hunter says, "Yeah, make sure you keep am eye on those incoming Separatist forces. I want to know when they reach this outpost." "You got it, Cap" Tech responds. "We've gotta move swiftly." "We'll grab some speeder bikes and flank them from the back." "Thats smart, Rex, Jesse and I will take the front, and then it will force them to the front to help" Aria says to Hunter. Hunter couldn't speak for a moment, when he first say her, he obviously notice her beauty but now having her ocean blue eyes stare at him, it was almost as if he could move. "You got General" Tech says for Hunter.

They set up for their attack at the Cyber Center. "Is everyone in position?" Rex asks into the comm. "Affirmative." Hunter and Crosshair respond, "Cap, you wanted to know when those Separatist forces breached the outpost. Well, they're getting there just about now."

The battle begins, Aria, Jesse, and Rex take out droids while Crosshair snips some from up top. Tech tries to delicately open the back doors, but wrecker just kicks the door open. "You take too long!" The three clones are in and kill the droids. "Tech, get to work on these computers. We'll go get the regs and the General."

Once they got outside, they killed the remaining droids. "What took you so long, Wrecker?" Aria teased, "hey, this is a "delicate operation." "Better get in there, Cap." Rex heads into the center, as more reinforcements come. Rex finds out that it is not a program but a live signal from another planet; Skako Minor. Crosshair is ordered to find a lift to get them out of there. Hunter, Wrecker, Jesse, and Aria keep fighting. As Aria cuts through some droids, she notices that there is one sneaking up behind Hunter, "Hunter, watch out!" she says as she flips over the droid and cut him in half. "Hey thanks." "Don't mention it." Tech and Rex find an audio proving that the live signal is human, and Rex cannot believe it. "We gotta go! Now!" Aria and the others run inside the Center, "what is taking them so long?" "I don't know, but I'll go check" Aria runs to where Rex is just as Tech asks who it is "CT-1409, Ct-1409" "Rex! Tech!" "I... I don't believe it." "Rex, we gotta go!" Aria yells. They make it back outside and get to Crosshair with the ship he stole.

On the ship, Tech was the first one to break the silence, "that number, Cap, what did it mean?" "CT-1409... that was my friend's Echo's number. He's alive."

The drive back was quiet, Aria was sat beside Hunter and neither were the type to talk. But he wanted to know more about this Jedi. "So… I can’t help but notice that you’re General, but you don’t do much of the ordering." "Well, I haven’t really done ordering before" he looked at her confused. "I don’t control a platoon or a squad, I help other platoon such as the 501st with my brother or the 212th with my old master. So if I go on a mission with Rex or Cody, I let them lead. Plus I don’t like having to boss around clones" "why?" "Well… I believe that clones are people too, some other Jedi don’t see it that way." "Oh… I had no idea" "is that cause you don’t hang out with Jedi?" "Yep, most likely. But you know my last mission there was a fun brunette Jedi who was amazing" "wow, I wonder who that was" they both laughed, and Rex saw that for once in a long time Aria was having fun and laughing again, after… the whole Ahsoka incident.

Next Chapter>

[2nd2ndalto]

When I Get Home to You

Chapter 4

Chapter 3

Chapter 2

Chapter 1

Percy and his middle child arrive after lunch, twelve-year-old Nico having retreated to the spare room.

Adult-Nico can only imagine the stress. It’s so odd to think about now, the way Percy used to be this larger-than-life figure, the way Nico’s own life had seemed to hinge on Percy’s most insignificant words and glances. It had been exhausting.

Now, Percy is just a good friend who’s come to help Nico fix his dishwasher. Hopefully. Percy does his best to avoid monsters these days, but he still likes to use his water powers for good, and occasionally that extends to plumbing.

The dishwasher doesn’t take long, as it turns out, and as Percy’s six-year-old son runs out into the yard to play with the dog, Will, Nico and Percy take seats in the cozy living room and try to puzzle out the meaning behind the kid in the other room.

Percy shakes his head. “It’s just so strange. And you haven’t had any other monsters show up, or like, dreams or prophetic visions or anything? No gods stopping by to chat?”

“No, nothing,” Will confirms. If anything, both his and Nico’s dreams have been more peaceful than usual recently. He’s been hoping it’s going to be a trend.

Percy glances again towards the closed door of the spare room. “I’d really like to see him,” he murmurs. “But obviously I get it if he's not too keen on that.”

Nico nods. “Yeah. I know. Perce… I had this massive crush on you at twelve,” he says softly, hoping his voice won’t carry. “I was so… I don’t know. Horrified by myself. Ashamed. Scared.”

He flops back against the couch and Will puts an arm around him, rubbing his shoulder. “It was probably the hardest time of my life,” Nico continues, his voice breaking, nerves still raw from the morning conversation with his younger self. “Bianca was gone, I felt completely alone, I was still trying to figure out my powers, monsters were coming after me constantly. I was essentially homeless. And it felt like I had no one in the world who cared if I lived or died,” he shrugs, unable to continue, and Will wraps both arms around him, pressing his face into Nico’s hair.

Percy heaves a deep sigh. “I wish I’d been a better friend back then.”

Nico waves a hand dismissively, sniffing. “No, you were fine. We were all just kids. None of us really knew what we were doing.”

“It makes me so angry sometimes,” Will says softly. “We were out there, barely out of childhood, separated from our parents. Fighting wars that had nothing to do with us, watching our friends die…”

The three are silent for a moment. It’s all true. Camp taught them to survive, but it’s hard not to think that perhaps it would have been better if they hadn’t been put into that situation in the first place. It’s the reason so many of their friends suffer from post-traumatic stress. It’s the reason Will burned out after practicing medicine for just a few years. It’s the reason none of Percy and Annabeth’s kids are biologically theirs.

“We all had it bad,” Nico agrees. “It’s not like I had a monopoly on trauma,”

Both Will and Percy shake their heads immediately in disagreement.

“No, you definitely had it worse than I did -”

“Things were really hard for you -”

Nico laughs, reaching for a kleenex. “It’s fine, it’s fine. It’s not a competition, right? It’s just… gods, this whole thing is bringing up a lot of memories.” He blows his nose.

Will nods. “No kidding. Is there maybe a god of childhood trauma that one of us pissed off?”

Percy snorts. At that moment, his son and the dog come bounding back inside, both looking a little muddy.

“Uncle Nico!” the boy exclaims, dashing over to the couch and throwing himself into Nico’s lap. “Sticks chased a rabbit! It was so funny. And I forgot to tell you I made you a house in Minecraft! Can I show you?”

For a child who has no biological ties to Percy, Cameron in particular has always reminded Nico most of the son of Poseidon. He has the same dark hair, the same glint of mischief in his eye. Nico and Will are close with all of Percy’s children, but Cam might just secretly be Nico’s favourite.

Sticks collapses heavily on Nico’s feet, clearly exhausted from her boy and rabbit adventures.

“Cam, I’d love to see my Minecraft house,” Nico tells him, wrapping his arms around the skinny boy and giving him a squeeze, “but we have a friend staying in the spare room right now, so we can’t use the computer in there.” The spare room is where Nico and Cam usually game - or, more precisely, where Cam monologues about command blocks and redstone and Nico tries his best to keep up, desperately trying to convince his brain to remember which buttons to push on his controller.

But just as Cam begins to protest, the door to the spare room opens and four heads turn in unison toward the sound. Younger-Nico freezes in the hallway, looking very much like a deer caught in headlights.

“Nico!” Will jumps up. “Hey! This is… um - did you want me to introduce you, or…”

“Um. Sure, I guess,” the boy says shyly, taking a hesitant step towards the living room.

“Great! Well - this is Percy, obviously. Or maybe not obviously? I don’t know, does he look a lot different?” Will frowns at Percy, as if trying to figure it out himself.

None of them are teenagers anymore, but they’re all in pretty good shape, and they still have all their hair. Percy has a few greys, really only noticeable because the rest of his hair is so dark. The changes happen so slowly that sometimes it’s hard to recognize them. Honestly, there are too many days when Nico still feels like a teenager himself, awkward in his own skin and unsure how he got here.

Percy rolls his eyes at Will. “I look exactly the same as I did at seventeen, thank you very much,” he says, sitting up straighter and pretending to suck in his stomach. “Hi,” he adds, turning to the boy in the hall, smiling warmly. “It’s good to see you.”

“And this is Percy’s son Cam,” Will continues, gesturing to the boy in Nico’s lap. Cam’s eyes widen.

“That’s you,” he exclaims, sitting up straighter, pointing to his honourary uncle and then to the boy in the hallway. The matter has already been discussed within Cam’s earshot, and he misses nothing. Of course, growing up in New Rome, and with the parents he has, the notions of magic and heroes are old hat to him. Why not lump time travel into the mix too?

“You can teach me to sword-fight!” he announces to the younger Nico, jumping up from the couch.

“Hey, what about me teaching you to swordfight?” Percy protests, injured.

Cam rolls his eyes. “But Mom never wants you to. And you told me he was really, really good.”

“Hey, I’m still good,” older-Nico complains. Will snorts.

“Please?” Cam begs. This is directed at the older boy, complete with wide, pleading eyes. “Dad said you saved the world a bunch of times. And you opened the Doors of Death,” Cam shivers. “And you fought Telkhines and Keres and Earthborn and Cy - Cyno -” Cam glances at his father for help.

“Cynocephali,” Percy grins.

“Yeah, those,” Cam agrees, nodding vigorously.

The boy in the hall looks a bit blindsided.

“Cam, dude,” Percy says placatingly, “how about we do some sword-fighting when we get home? I’m sure Nico’s got other things he needs to do.”

“No he doesn’t!” Cam protests. “Right?” he turns back to the older boy.

“I um… I mean… it’s okay. I don’t really have anything else to do…” the boy glances up at his older self and then Percy for permission.

“Oh - oh yeah, of course!” Percy starts nodding enthusiastically. “That would be great, right Cam?”

___

Ten minutes later, Nico, Will and Percy are huddled around the kitchen window, trying to be surreptitious about watching the battle playing out on the lawn. It’s the first time Nico’s seen his younger self looking truly relaxed, his eyes bright, tension drained from his angular frame. Cam, on the other hand, is looking deadly serious, an expression of intense concentration on his young face. Sticks is lolloping around both of them, generally getting underfoot and occasionally letting out an excited bark.

It was out of the question to use real swords, of course, so Cam has a practice sword that Will dug out of the garage, and younger-Nico is wielding the red lightsaber his older self gave Will for Christmas a couple of years back. Adult-Nico is fairly sure the lightsaber will be returned to Will in one piece, but he notices his husband wince as it collides with the practice sword for the third time. He leans into the taller man, slipping an arm around his waist. “I’ll buy you a new one,” he murmurs. Will laughs, tipping his head against Nico’s. “It’s fine, really. It’s just good to see them having fun.”

The three are silent as Nico allows Cam in under his guard, a smile pulling at his lips. The twelve-year-old collapses dramatically to the ground, the lightsaber flying from his grasp. Cam points his sword to Nico’s throat, finally bursting into a grin and crowing in victory. Then he falls to the grass giggling.

Older-Nico is smiling too, but when he glances over at Percy, the son of Poseidon is looking far more subdued. “You okay?” Nico nudges him. “Want us to call it off?”

“No, no,” Percy shakes his head. “Just -” he gives Nico the ghost of a smile. “When I think back on that time… I remember you being kind of tough and scary. Intimidating, even. But look at him. He’s just a kid. You were just a kid.” Percy gazes towards the boys in the yard, who are still lying in the grass, Cam now chattering away to the older boy, gesturing enthusiastically. Younger-Nico is listening patiently, one arm thrown over his forehead to block the sun from his eyes.

Will smiles ruefully. “We were all kids, Perce.”

“Gods, I’m so glad I don’t have to send Cam to Camp. I’m so glad he doesn’t have to worry about monsters.” Percy says fervently. “The older I get… I don’t know. I know a lot of our friends didn’t seem to think twice about it, worrying about whether or not their kids would have powers…” He scrubs his hands over his face. “Look at him. He’s tiny.” Percy’s voice wavers. He gestures to Cam, now attempting to show Nico his handstand abilities, skinny legs waving unsteadily in the air. “He’s just a bit younger than Annabeth was when she had to fucking fight her way to Camp.”

Older-Nico, his arm still around his husband’s waist, reaches out to pull Percy towards him with the other arm.

“Hey, group hug?” Will suggests.

Percy laughs weakly, but that’s the way Cam and younger-Nico find the three of them when they trip back in through the back door - three nearing-middle-age demigods wrapped into an awkward embrace in the small kitchen, Percy wiping at his eyes over Nico’s shoulder.

Percy turns from his friends and scoops Cam into a bear hug as soon as the boy enters the room, Cam’s feet leaving the floor. Cam squeaks.

“Dad, did you see? That was so awesome” he enthuses against Percy’s ear, nearly vibrating with excitement. “Nico showed me how to slash and lunge, and it was like, ONE, TWO, THREE,” Cam waves his arm energetically in demonstration, nearly jabbing his father in the eye, “and did you see when I won? And dad, Nico made a MOUSE SKELETON come RIGHT UP OUT OF THE GROUND.”

“Did he really? That sounds pretty cool.” Percy lowers Cam back to the ground, grinning.

“It WAS dad. Nico is the best.” Cam gazes at younger-Nico with open adoration. “Did you know he was so powerful?”

Percy smiles at the twelve-year-old, who blushes and drops his gaze. “Yeah, I did. He’s super powerful. He’s a Big Three, like me and Uncle Jason. Plus he’s just super awesome in general.”

“He’s so cool. But Dad, you and Uncle Jason can’t spawn skeletons.”

Percy opens his mouth, probably to defend himself and Uncle Jason, but Cam isn’t finished yet.

“Maybe Nico could teach you to spawn skeletons! I wanted him to spawn a REAL, HUMAN skeleton, but he wouldn’t.” Cam says regretfully.

“Well, the real human ones are a bit scary, Cam,” Will says. “Plus Persephone doesn’t like it when we make human skeleton-sized holes in the lawn.”

“Yeah, what a party pooper,” older-Nico grins.

Percy’s phone buzzes in his pocket and he reaches for it. “Ah, Cam, we have to get your mom and brother and sister from their art class. You ready to go?”

Cam gazes at younger-Nico wistfully. “Yeah, I guess. Can we come see Nico again, though?”

Percy eyes his two friends over Cam’s head. “Well… we’ll have to see. We’re not sure how long this Nico is staying.”

At the front door, Cam hugs first Will, then older-Nico, and then throws his arms around younger-Nico’s waist, squeezing tight. The older boy blinks, startled, but his arms settle tentatively around Cam’s shoulders. “Thanks for playing with me,” Cam whispers, before rushing out the door.

Percy watches his son run to the car before turning back. He opens his mouth and then closes it again, hovering in the doorway. Then he seems to make a decision.

“Um,” he turns to younger-Nico. “It was… really nice to see you.”

The boy nods, eyes on his feet.

“And… thanks for being so great with Cam. He - I’m pretty sure he’s going to be talking about you for days. And I… I just wanted to say, too, that… um. I maybe wasn’t always the best friend, when I - when we were younger.”

“Percy…” Nico’s older self begins, shifting awkwardly.

“It’s okay. Let him finish,” Will says quietly, his hand on his husband’s arm.

“I’m sorry about that,” Percy continues. “Really. I - I think I get better. Later. And just so you know… I - I love you, man.” Percy reaches out and gives the twelve-year-old an extremely tentative, gentle punch in the shoulder, barely making contact. Older-Nico is cringing on the boy’s behalf, his and his younger counterpart’s faces both now bright red.

“And I love you too, man.” Percy punches older-Nico in the shoulder, much harder.

“Ow,” he complains.

Percy grins. “Later.” And then he’s out the door as fast as his son was.

Older-Nico scrubs his hands over his face. “I’m so sorry about that,” he mutters. “I guess Percy’s getting sentimental in his old age. Are you okay?”

The boy pauses for a moment, staring at the closed door, looking bewildered. “Yeah, I think. That was weird. But… nice.”

[blackwoolncrown]

For the past few days, a heatwave has glowered over the Pacific Northwest, forcing temperatures in the region to a record-breaking 118ºF. Few people in the region—neither Americans nor Canadians—have air-conditioning. Stores sold out of new AC units in hours as a panicked public sought a reasonable solution to the emergency. Unfortunately, air-conditioning is part of what’s causing the unusual heatwave in the first place.

We came close to destroying all life on Earth during the Cold War, with the threat of nuclear annihilation. But we may have come even closer during the cooling war, when the rising number of Americans with air conditioners—and a refrigerant industry that fought regulation—nearly obliterated the ozone layer. We avoided that environmental catastrophe, but the fundamental problem of air conditioning has never really been resolved.

Mechanical cooling appeared in the early 1900s not for comfort but for business. In manufacturing, the regulation of temperature—“process cooling”—controlled the quality of commodities like cotton, tobacco, and chewing gum. In 1903, Alfred Wolff installed the first cooling system for people at the New York Stock Exchange because comfortable traders yielded considerably higher stock returns. Only in the ’20s did “commercial cooling” appear. On Memorial Day weekend 1925, Willis Carrier debuted the first centrifugal air-conditioning system at the Rivoli Theater in Midtown Manhattan. Previously, theaters had shut down in the summer. With air-conditioning, the Rivoli became “the talk of Broadway” and inaugurated the summer blockbuster.

-another direct tie to capitalism. Everything born out of colonio-capitalism carries its toxic mark. Article totally not under the cut for those who can’t pay for Time. It honestly paints a really clear picture of the situation. Bolding mine.-

“It’s time we become more comfortable with discomfort. Our survival may depend on it.“

Before World War II, almost no one had air-conditioning at home. Besides being financially impractical and culturally odd, it was also dangerous. Chemical refrigerants like sulfur dioxide and methyl chloride filled most fridges and coolers, and leaks could kill a child, poison a hospital floor, even blow up a basement. Everything changed with the invention of Freon in 1928. Non-toxic and non-explosive, Freon was hailed as a “miracle.” It made the modernist skyscraper—with its sealed windows and heat-absorbing materials—possible. It made living in the desert possible. The small, winter resort of Phoenix, Arizona, became a year-round attraction. Architecture could now ignore the local climate. Anywhere could be 65ºF with 55% humidity. Cheap materials made boxy, suburban tract housing affordable to most Americans, but the sealed-up, stifling design of these homes required air-conditioning to keep the heat at bay. Quickly, air-conditioning transitioned from a luxury to a necessity. By 1980, more than half of all U.S. homes were air-conditioned. And despite millions of Black Americans fleeing the violence of Jim Crow, the South saw greater in-migration than out-migration for the first time—a direct result of AC. The American car was similarly transformed. In 1955, only 10 percent of American cars had air-conditioning. Thirty years later, it came standard.

The cooling boom also altered the way we work. Now, Americans could work anywhere at any hour of the day. Early ads for air-conditioning promised not health or comfort but productivity. The workday could proceed no matter the season or the climate. Even in the home, A/C brought comfort as a means to rest up before the next work day.

The use of air-conditioning was as symbolic as it was material. It conveyed class status. Who did and didn’t have air-conditioning often fell starkly along the color line, too, especially in the South. It conquered the weather and, with it, the need to sweat or squirm or lie down in the summer swelter. In that sense, air-conditioning allowed Americans to transcend their physical bodies, that long-sought fantasy of the Puritan settlers: to be in the world but not of it. Miracle, indeed.

But it came with a price. As it turned out, Freon isn’t exactly non-toxic. Freon is a chlorofluorocarbon (CFC), which depletes the ozone layer and also acts as a global warming gas. By 1974, the industrialized world was churning out CFCs, chemicals that had never appeared on the planet in any significant quantities, at a rate of one million metric tons a year—the equivalent mass of more than 500,000 cars. That was the year atmospheric chemists Sherry Rowland and Mario Molina first hypothesized that the chlorine molecules in CFCs might be destroying ozone in the stratosphere by bonding to free oxygen atoms and disrupting the atmosphere’s delicate chemistry. By then, CFCs were used not only as refrigerants but also as spray can propellants, manufacturing degreasers, and foam-blowing agents.

The ozone layer absorbs the worst of the sun’s ultraviolet radiation. Without stratospheric ozone, life as we know it is impossible. A 1 percent decline in the ozone layer’s thickness results in thousands of new cases of skin cancer. Greater depletion would lead to crop failures, the collapse of oceanic food systems, and, eventually, the destruction of all life on Earth.

In the 1980s, geophysicist Joseph Farman confirmed the Rowland-Molina hypothesis when he detected a near-absence of ozone over Antarctica—the “Ozone Hole.” A fierce battle ensued among industry, scientists, environmentalists, and politicians, but in 1987 the U.S signed the Montreal Protocol on Substances that Deplete the Ozone Layer, which ended Freon production.

The Montreal Protocol remains the world’s only successful international environmental treaty with legally binding emissions targets. Annual conferences to re-assess the goals of the treaty make it a living document, which is revised in light of up-to-date scientific data. For instance, the Montreal Protocol set out only to slow production of CFCs, but, by 1997, industrialized countries had stopped production entirely, far sooner than was thought possible. The world was saved through global cooperation.

The trouble is that the refrigerants replacing CFCs, hydrofluorocarbons (HFCs), turned out to be terrible for the planet, too. While they have an ozone-depleting potential of zero, they are potent greenhouse gases. They absorb infrared radiation from the sun and Earth and block heat that normally escapes into outer space. Carbon dioxide and methane do this too, but HFCs trap heat at rates thousands of times higher. Although the number of refrigerant molecules in the atmosphere is far fewer than those of other greenhouse gases, their destructive force, molecule for molecule, is far greater.

In three decades, the production of HFCs grew exponentially. Today, HFCs provide the cooling power to almost any air conditioner in the home, in the office, in the supermarket, or in the car. They cool vaccines, blood for transfusions, and temperature-sensitive medications, as well as the data processors and computer servers that make up the internet—everything from the cloud to blockchains. In 2019, annual global warming emissions from HFCs were the equivalent of 175 million metric tons of carbon dioxide.

In May, the EPA signaled it will begin phasing down HFCs and replacing them with more climate-friendly alternatives. Experts agree that a swift end to HFCs could prevent as much as 0.5ºC of warming over the next century—a third of the way to the goals of the Paris Climate Agreement.

Yet regardless of the refrigerant used, cooling still requires energy. According to the U.S. Energy Information Administration, air-conditioning accounts for nearly a fifth of annual U.S. residential electricity use. This is more energy for cooling overall and per capita than in any other nation. Most Americans consider the cost of energy only in terms of their electricity bills. But it’s also costing us the planet. Joe Biden’s announcement to shift toward a renewable energy infrastructure obscures the uncertainty of whether that infrastructure could meet Americans’ outrageously high energy demand—much of it for cooling that doesn’t save lives. Renewable energy infrastructure can take us only so far. The rest of the work is cultural. From Freon to HFCs, we keep replacing chemical refrigerants without taking a hard look at why we’re cooling in the first place.

Comfort cooling began not as a survival strategy but as a business venture. It still carries all those symbolic meanings, though its currency now works globally, cleaving the world into civilized cooling and barbaric heat. Despite what we assume, as a means of weathering a heat wave, individual air-conditioning is terribly ineffective. It works only for those who can afford it. But even then, their use in urban areas only makes the surrounding micro-climate hotter, sometimes by a factor of 10ºF, actively threatening the lives of those who don’t have access to cooling. (The sociologist Eric Klinenberg has brilliantly studied how, in a 1995 Chicago heat wave, about twice as many people died than in a comparable heat wave forty years earlier due to the city’s neglect of certain neighborhoods and social infrastructure.) Ironically, research suggests that exposure to constant air-conditioning can prevent our bodies from acclimatizing to hot weather, so those who subject themselves to “thermal monotony” are, in the end, making themselves more vulnerable to heat-related illness.

And, of course, air-conditioning only works when you have the electricity to power it. During heatwaves, when air-conditioning is needed most, blackouts are frequent. On Sunday, with afternoon temperatures reaching 112ºF around Portland, the power grid failed for more than 6,300 residences under control by Portland General Electrics.

The troubled history of air-conditioning suggests not that we chuck it entirely but that we focus on public cooling, on public comfort, rather than individual cooling, on individual comfort. Ensuring that the most vulnerable among the planet’s human inhabitants can keep cool through better access to public cooling centers, shade-giving trees, safe green spaces, water infrastructure to cool, and smart design will not only enrich our cities overall, it will lower the temperature for everyone. It’s far more efficient this way.

To do so, we’ll have to re-orient ourselves to the meaning of air-conditioning. And to comfort. Privatized air-conditioning survived the ozone crisis, but its power to separate—by class, by race, by nation, by ability—has survived, too. Comfort for some comes at the expense of the life on this planet.

It’s time we become more comfortable with discomfort. Our survival may depend on it.

[xxiamtiebrousxx]

Crisis (Medic x Reader) One-shot

TRIGGER WARNING! Mentions of severe blood, murder, attempted suicide by overdose, slight nudity (It's not what you think), and trauma.  Song used.

It had been two years. Two painful years in hiding since those, those bots! Those human and metallic clones of Sniper had taken over every base in Teufort.

My name is Y/n L/n. I am, or was, the (class name) of the Red/Blu Team. I was the best on my team. Everyone loved me. Even the enemy thought I was good and they respected me. Everything was fine!

Until that day. 

I guess it all started with a small talk with Sniper. We were friends, although I think he wanted to be more. He was a schoolboy in love and would never leave me alone. Anyway, he was complaining about being the target of everyone. I suggested he got a backup that had perfect aim and was hard to kill.

It was just a joke.

That day, he came out of the respawn with a clone. We passed it off as nothing, since the Administrator approved of this. Sniper’s clone had that perfect aim and was impossible to kill. The enemy sniper got himself some back up too.

It was one clone, then two, then three. They just kept coming and coming and it wouldn’t stop and it only got worse. They flooded the respawns, attacked secret areas. I am cornered, unable to do anything and Medic is dead and I have no hope of surviving. The sniper, he raises his rifle at me and I’m-

“Y/N! Wake up!” I shoot up, screaming and gasping for air. I am shaking, unable to control it. “Calm down, it was just a nightmare,” Medic coos.

“It wasn’t,” I whimper. “It wasn’t.”

Sniper had lost his mind and used his clones to wage war against us all. We teamed up, the Reds and Blues, to fight him, but he brought bots and clones to back him up, courtesy of Gravel Co. We tried everything. Eventually, we lost the war and fled. Gravel Co. was taken over by Sniper. The government shut down the Badlands area where we are now trapped with no escape.

I wound up with Medic. I was lucky enough to find him. The clones hunted us all down. I was near death and found Medic in Barnblitz. He was attempting to kill the clones with the payload and I joined him. We never even got the chance to get to the Blu base. We had, no, we needed to run. The garage near the second control point was our safe zone. It had a secret entrance leading to an abandoned Sniper’s nest we used to check things out. 

This morning I followed Medic into the makeshift kitchen. We have a truck we use in case we need to leave. The Administrator provided us with food which we get every two weeks, so sometimes Medic and I have to hunt. I don’t let Ludwig out of my sights, ever. I need him to keep alive and he needs me. I protect him. He keeps me alive. It’s a deal we made.

I shake off the nightmare like it never happened. I barely talk anymore. My feelings, my emotions, they’re all shut down. 

Before I made it to Barnblitz, I killed several clones. They wanted to take me back to Sniper, but I refused. They killed Scout before my eyes. I couldn’t join him. We keep in touch with the surviving members but we don’t meet up for fear Sniper will get us. I still get nightmares from what I’ve done.

Medic pulls out our protein bars. It’s all we have, our shipment arrives today. He sits next to me, concerned.

“That’s the tenth nightmare in three days,” he says. I silently chew my food. “Do jou want to talk about it?” The crazed doctor had softened in the past two years. He seems to care about my problems. 

He sighs, grabbing my trash. It’s a Cleaning Day today. It’s every other day. We have the supplies. These days means we take care of our trash and ourselves. There isn’t much to throw away. It’s when we have to take care of our hygiene that scares me.

Since there’s only one bathroom in our hidden room, we have to share. We have to do it all at once or else the bots might come. Medic brushes his teeth while I shower. There is a curtain and I get my privacy. I stare at the showerhead.  Two years I have been here, hidden from the world with Ludwig. To win, we’d have to kill Sniper. I finish showering and dress in the shower. I come out barefoot. I quickly brush my teeth and walk past Medic. He grabs my hand. “Stay close,” he says, “I need to keep an eye on jou.”

“I’ll just be outside the door,” I reply. “I swear.” He lets go of my hand. His touch lingers.

“Fine,” he says. I stand outside, hearing the water run. It calms me and I fall asleep.

I’m panting, scared. I ran through the woods with Scout following behind. We had just escaped custody from the clones, but they were chasing us. I got hit in the leg with a bullet. My HP drops to two. I can’t move.

“C’mon Y/n!” Scout exclaimed. He picked me up and started to run, but I was slowing him down.

“Put me down! You’ll make it if you leave me behind,” I said.

“Nuh uh,” he replied. He kept running.

We were surrounded by an army of Snipers. Scout stopped running and put me down. Then they started coming, multiplying by the second, getting closer and surrounding me and I can’t breathe! 

I scream again. I can’t see Medic before me, who’s trying to comfort me. All I see is the faces, congratulating themselves for killing Scout. I was suffocating. I am still in the woods and I can't leave. 

“NOOO!” I yelled as Scout dropped dead. I pulled out my melee weapons and stabbed the nearest Sniper. I chased some down, bashing their heads in or breaking their necks. I look at the mountain of bodies I left in my wake. My hands are covered in blood and I run.

“Look at me Y/n!” Medic commands. I’m shaking my head, blubbering. I can’t breathe. My heart is rushing. “Y/n, listen to me! It’s all fake!” I take in rapid breaths, trying to calm down. Medic is still wet and only wearing a towel around his waist. I must’ve slept for a while.

“I killed them,” I whispered. “Their blood, I had it on my hands.” Ludwig gently takes my hands and holds them up to his lips.

“Jou’re fine Y/n,” he says. I swallow my spit.

“Am I?” I ask.

*>/<*

I whimper as I eat, resting my head on Ludwig’s shoulder. His hair is still wet, but he’s all dressed now. I’m wrapped up in a blanket, the only one we have. Our shipment of food arrived early and we now munch on dinner. The bots and clones walk by our hidden room, passing by the garage. There is talk about the original Sniper, who is missing.

“Seems they’re searching for Herr Sniper,” Medic says. I hate that man. I groan. I didn’t care if he was alive. I want him dead. 

And my wish soon came true.

I take a small scouting trip to make sure we’re still safe. I find Sniper in the last control point, lying against a wooden beam. He is injured, near death. Sniper’s hat is torn, his shirt covered in blood. His arm is detached and his glasses have shattered and cut his face. I hold my gun up to his head, finger on the trigger. His eyes flutter open and he smiles.

“Come to do the job?” he weakly asks.

“If it ends the war,” I reply coolly. He laughs, but starts coughing.

“You can’t end it,” he says sadly. “Oi tried and instead Oi got overthrown. They’re all looking for me here. You can’t take down an entire army.” My hands start shaking and the tears roll down my face. My lips tremble. 

“I have to do it,” I say. “I’m sorry.”

“Just promise you’ll remember the good times,” Sniper says.

I pull the trigger.

The blood rolls down his forehead. I collapse to my knees, sobbing. I curl up next to his corpse, burying my head into his bleeding chest. 

“I’m sorry!” I whimper. “I’m so so sorry Mick.”

*>/<*

The next day, the news announced the death of Sniper. They have found his corpse near the town of Teufort, right where I buried him. Medic knows what happened. He had to calm me down with drugs.

“So jou actually did it,” he says, handing me a mug of coffee. 

“I thought it would bring me peace,” I mumble. “It didn’t.” For the whole day, Ludwig kept checking on me. He brings me food, water. He even hugs me from time to time. The bots and clones have multiplied here since I killed Mick. 

They were all here. All of them. We get word that they have gone missing from every area our friends are stationed in. They’re all here. Medic sense that I plan on ending this. 

“No,” he firmly says, watching my expression. “I won’t lose jou. I can’t afford it.” I stand up.

“You can’t stop me,” I say. Medic walks over to me, grasping my shoulders.

“Y/n, jou can’t go on like this!” he exclaims. “Jou’re killing jourself!”

“Oh yeah! What about our friends!” I yell, pulling away. “They are in trouble and now that the enemy is rounded up in one place, that is the perfect opportunity to kill them all, end this war! I’m tired Ludwig! I want to hurt myself sometimes because I could’ve prevented it! I don’t want to tiptoe around giants! I want to be free! This will bring me peace!” Medic looks at me, hurt. He comes up and kisses me briefly. I feel his tears on my lips as he pulls away.

“I can’t see jou get hurt,” he says. “Don’t do it.” I take the needle with drugs that keep me down out of my pocket. I stab it in Ludwig’s arm and he falls down. 

“I need to do this,” I say, “and I can’t have you in the way.”

“Wait! Y/n, don’t!”

*>/<*

I have the clones and bots trapped in the final section of the payload. I blocked off all entrances. I strike the match and throw it at the trail of gas I made. The flame flows through the trail, burning everything.

Including everyone inside.

I can hear their screams. The pain, I, I, I fall down to the ground, screaming. It’s horrible! But I can’t stop! My tears couldn’t put out the flames. 

I look at the monster I’ve become.

What I held in my hands could kill it.

The drugs. I snuck some from Medic’s medicine cabinet.

An overdose would be quick.

I opened the cap and chugged down every bit of drug. I go through every bottle like crazy. Everything blacks out and I think this is the end. 

I’m ready to greet my old buddy.

*>/<*

“Y/n? It’s me, Ludwig. Wake up.” My eyes flutter open. This isn’t heaven or hell. I’m in a hospital, hooked up to an IV. Medic is by my side. His eyes are red from crying, but he seems happy I’m alive. 

“Where am I?” I asked.

“In a hospital in Teufort,” he replies. “Jou’ve been out for a week. I saved you when I saw the fire.”

“Did I kill them all?” I asked.

“No,” he replies. I sigh. Maybe I’m not a monster. Ludwig grabs my hand and runs his thumb over my knuckles.

“I want to say sorry but it no longer works,” I say. 

“I wish I could’ve been the one to bring jou peace,” Medic says. “I didn’t know what jou were going through.” The tears welled up in my eyes. “Maybe, just maybe, we can have a clean start.”

“Yeah, maybe,” I replied. 

“We can reunite with our teammates, become one family,” Ludwig says. “How does that sound?”

“I wanna do it,” I say.

So we did. After months of rehabilitation and therapy, we got the family we wanted. Our friends survived the two years. We built a big home where 2Fort used to stand. Medic became what Mick would have wanted. My lover. He was there for me all the time.

The evening when we finished our new home, I spent the night with Medic.

And for the first time, I slept peacefully, knowing that I now was at peace.

[djarinsbeskar]

EXPLORATION ARC: PART 3 - CRASH LANDINGS

A/N: I think I’ve read and re-read this part so many times that I’m not sure I’m fully happy with it anymore. However! I do hope you can all enjoy the latest instalment, with our lovely Din (finally) getting some well earned attention.

Pairing: Din Djarin/Fem!Reader

Word Count: 14.4k (I have no self control I’m sorry if it drags on)

Rating: 18+ (NO Minors)

Warnings: language, (some) dirty talk, SMUT! - oral (m receiving including deepthroating and gagging), handjobs, fingering, Din being slightly awkward before embracing his dom side

Summary: It’s mighty hard to distract yourself from your mysterious and alluring shipmate, so why bother?

AO3 | Stitches Masterlist | Main Masterlist

You could say with some confidence that most times in your life, you had smooth landings.

A small swell in your stomach as a ship glided down into atmosphere. The gentle, paced approach of land or sea, of mountains, forests and cities materializing as you descended. The gradual growth of buildings, speeders and individuals from pinpricks into distinguishable features of the landscape. A smooth landing was like sliding into a warm bath, where you only realized how good the water felt when it was lapping around your ears and soothing away the aches of a bad day; the touch down of a ship letting you bask in being on solid ground once more.

Sometimes, you admit, there were rough landings.

Your heart hammering in the back of your throat while you desperately tried to smother the creeping nervousness with every bump of turbulence or rattle of a ships’ engine. The rapidly approaching planet being anything but a welcome sight; the hollow, raw sensitivity to every noise both inside the ship and out suspending you in time before the worst passed. Rough landings to you, were like rolling down a hill as a child from a grassy knoll, the incline of which – to an adult – was nothing more than a slight slope. Chaotic in the movement as your head became dizzy from spinning, but once laying on your back and laughing breathlessly up at wispy clouds, you realized it wasn’t so very bad after all. The same could be said when a ships mechanical functions and sensors righted themselves through automation or a talented pilots guide to land… not so very bad in hindsight.

And then there were crash landings… rare but staggering in the impression they left.

Moments where you weren’t sure if you were hyperventilating or holding your breath, if up was down and if the ship you flew was evening functioning beyond alloying gravity to pull it mercilessly towards wreckage and death. Total clarity and yet, an inability to focus on any one thing as the rapid descent fogged any ability to see the ground coming hard and fast. The shrill alarms and warning lights ceaselessly reminding you of how fucked you really were. The adrenaline it inspired – having nowhere to go – could make you giddy and exhilarated despite the danger. In your life, the feeling of a crash landing couldn’t be compared to the physical; they were the sinking realization of someone falling out of love with you, of the betrayal from a loyal friend, the abandonment of a lifelong support. They were the serendipity of a chance meeting, the recognition of a hidden talent and the reciprocation of long held feelings. Crash landings were all the times you had ever been blindsided and helpless to prevent them: an embodied vulnerability.

The day you landed on Nevarro was a crash landing in more ways than one.

One being the literal – survived by the seat of your pants – landing that had you questioning Mando’s ethnicity beneath the helmet. Was he from Corellia? Or Maker-forbid, Pamarthe? Because there was simply no way, no way, that he managed to pull off that landing with one engine blown and a fleet of pirates on his tail. But he did, and you were all alive because of it. He guided the Razor Crest like it was an extension of himself, completely in control of every movement and never anything but calm as he did so.

For as long as you had known the Mandalorian, he had owned the fossil that was the Razor Crest, and now you could see why. You wanted to weep and apologise to her for every stray thought you had about how old and outdated she was. You knew a brand new gunship that people paid obscene amounts of credits for wouldn’t have survived the same strain the Razor Crest was just put under.

You had come to think of the two – Mando and the Razor Crest – as mirrors of each other; intimidating, ageless and well able to endure more than a ship – or a human body – was naturally capable of. It endeared you to both of them more than you already were.

The other proverbial crash landing you experienced that day, was the incident that preceded your less than desirable entry onto the Nevarro; the one that stripped away all pretense and ignorance that had strained your relationship with Mando in the weeks prior.

After hastily grabbing the child from his pod and staggering back up the ladder one handed as the ship shook violently to strap you both into the co-pilot chair, you didn’t have the presence of mind to notice the heavy scent still permeating the cockpit, or the slightly uncomfortable feeling of your release drying on your thighs. You couldn’t even begin to wrap your mind around the fact that Mando, that stubborn, stoic, recklessly unattainable man you had spent years patching up over and over again, had gotten you off with just his thigh and a few well placed rolls of his hips.

You were too busy trying not to panic at the prospect of dying or being captured which really, would just be your rotten luck after finally seeing the immovable control the Mandalorian exerted, waver. You were distracted from those thoughts right up to the point where the rough rasp of Mando’s voice as the pirates engaged with the Razor Crest’s commlink made your prior activities glaringly obvious. His voice, still thick and heavy with his unfulfilled released gradually morphed into a cold anger as he shut off the connection when the pirates’ demanded payment for your lives.

Of the things you came to realize about Mando since travelling with him, one of the few that surprised you was his refusal to negotiate with nearly everyone he encountered. It gave the small allowances he made when you treated him – and the many he gave the kid most days – a lot more weight. But you didn’t have time to think about that as he dodged shot after shot.

Your landing on Nevarro was a combination of whiplash, soot and precarious rocking before the Razor Crest skidded to a final, jarring stop a few meters away from the closest ship docked outside the main town entrance. Only when the ship stayed upright instead of bowling over from the momentum did you allow yourself to breathe again, grounding yourself back in the cockpit despite your stomach being left somewhere in space.

The return of your breathing and the realization that you had in fact survived, allowed the reality of what happened before to slam to the forefront of your mind.

You dry humped a Mandalorian. The Mandalorian. Him. Mando.

Like a kitten in heat… the echo of his words had heat instantly returning to your face at the memory. You remained flushed even as you attempted to distract yourself by running an unnecessary mental check on your body for injury. Apart from a small ache growing in your head from the whiplash, you were good as new. Too good if you were being honest, and the reason for that was hardly a mystery.

You ran your eyes over the child, smoothing a hand soothingly over his wrinkled head and along one of his ears to make sure he wasn’t hurt, cooing at him gently as he nuzzled back against your chest with a string of sleepy babble. He was more concerned with being woken up than the manner of your landing apparently,

“I know darling, I’m sorry I woke you,” you muttered against his head, the sheer relief that he was out of danger roiling in your stomach and made you close your eyes as his familiar scent invaded your nose while he settled back down to sleep.

As he settled, the cockpit swelled with a heavy silence, reality catching up with you both now that the distraction of pirates and possible death was gone.

The red warning lights and occasional alarm were flicked off one by one with every resounding click of a button. When you first entered the cockpit earlier that day, you struggled to keep your eyes off him and now, now your eyes focused on anything but the man who had groaned your name so sinfully. Those clicks and snaps of levers and buttons – while quiet – were the only sounds that filled the air, enhancing the silence you sat in.

Mando was tenser than before, his shoulders stiff and movements more forceful than necessary as he geared the ship down. A malicious thought surfaced momentarily that he might be regretting what happened already.

You rolled your eyes at yourself, recognizing the ridiculousness of the notion immediately; you had just spent several heart-stopping minutes being chased and shot at and only landed mere moments ago. Of course he was tense. Stars, your muscles had yet to relax from the anxiety inducing minutes before Mando finally out maneuvered them with an unfazed countenance.

But heightened emotions and the insecurities they could bring with them weren’t uncommon after an orgasm. You merely tried to keep the more ridiculous ones at bay, a benefit of maturity and age you appreciated. It allowed you to have had your fair share of purely physical relationships; one night stands and friends with benefits over the years. It wasn’t in you to get overly attached to a sexual partner after the uncertainty of the war. You were certain Mando would be no different. You appreciated sex for what it was; a release, a coping mechanism or simply just something fun to do.

Mando’s arm reached across the small distance in front of you, one final switch and silence reigned once more. He hesitated as he withdrew his hand, resting it heavily on the dash and his helmet turned marginally to look at you, your eyes instantly lifting to the visor. You cursed the damn shiny thing silently; you had never felt the lack of expressions, or small facial tells that might have given you an indication of how he was feeling more than now. The feeling of his gaze didn’t however stop the pang of arousal reawakening after being doused so suddenly before; it simmered low in your stomach now as he watched you.

Your eyes searched his visor, hopefully conveying – if nothing else – that you didn’t regret anything. A soft quirk to your lips and he released a long breath, hanging his head slightly before pushing back up to his seat. Your smile increased subconsciously; he seemed exasperated, not ashamed and that would have to be good enough for you.

It didn’t take long for the silence to turn more comfortable after that, more familiar as he stood from his seat to make his way past you, cape brushing your arm as he did so. He hesitated at the door, considering something before he left. When he evidently came to a conclusion, he turned back to look down at you, forearm resting above his head on the doorframe as he did so,

“I’ll be gone a few hours. The Guild will be by to pick up the quarries so…” he trailed off and you waited expectantly for what he was trying to tell you, “get some fresh air. We’re leaving as soon as I pick up the next batch of pucks.”

You craned your neck to keep your eyes on him and the sudden déjà vu of looking up at him wasn’t lost on either of you as a sharp exhale left the warrior. You nodded a few times to his suggestion, mulling over anything that was low or might need restocking, mind running a klick a minute before an idea sparked in your mind, making you sit up straighter in excitement,

“Mando? Is there an automated banking center here?”

Your question seemed to throw him because he didn’t answer immediately, mind more pleasantly distracted by your appearance,

“Why?” was his only response in the end.

“I want credits, that’s why,” you rolled your eyes in playful exasperation as if it were the most obvious thing in the world, which it was. Why else would you go to a bank?

“The New Republic pay a pension for anyone who served in the Rebellion. It gets fed into an account that can be accessed from most galactic banking centers,” you explained, excited by the possibility of actually having your own credits and being able to contribute rather than living off the credits Mando earned from his bounty hunting.

“Oh,” came the lackluster response, “I don’t know. I’ve never used one before,” he finished simply, dropping his arm from the doorframe and turning to make his way down into the hold without another word.

You deflated a bit in your seat before perking up. No. ‘I don’t know’ wasn’t a negative answer, just an unhelpful one. You chuckled quietly so as not to disturb the child sleeping again you, he was still no better at talking than when you first met him. Perhaps it was simply a case of not being able to teach an old Massiff new tricks. Funnily enough, you didn’t think he needed to. You were adapting well enough to his silence as it was.

You could find out for yourself. You were dying to get off the ship and it was the perfect excuse to explore a new town for the precious few hours you had planet-side, a chance to stretch your legs and get some much needed fresh air. It was also a much better alternative to sitting on the ship and replaying the last few hours in your head, working yourself up over a husky voice and a hard body.

No, that would just drive you mad.

Since he left the cockpit, some of the heat left with him and you were able to lean back and take a long, deep breath. Fuck… but he was still able to get to you without even trying, you admitted yourself as you closed your eyes. You didn’t even have the chance to touch him beyond that momentary glance against the smooth, burning length of him. You never believed in karma before, but you must have done something truly rotten to have been stopped from touching that man.

A warmth filled you at the thought of how good he felt under you; the promise of more taken away before either of you had a moment to think. You felt wrecked from the orgasm he gave you and that hadn’t even required the removal of clothing, let alone his hands or cock.

But he hadn’t finished.

Your brows furrowed at the thought, along with a small swell of guilt in your stomach. You considered yourself to be a generous lover and wouldn’t cheapen the sentiment of wanting him to feel satisfied by thinking you owed it to him. You wanted to make him feel good, knowing the bliss someone else could give you was infinitely better than one’s own hand. You wanted to preen with the knowledge that you could bring this man, this immovable force to his knees in ecstasy.

You wanted to make him feel that good now, not later.

Steeling your nerves, you gracelessly wrestled yourself out of your seatbelt, hindered by the loss of one arm that supported the child. Finally free, you followed the same path the Mandalorian took down the ladder (equally as inelegant but climbing a ladder was awkward with two hands let alone one so you forgave yourself). You hurried over to the child’s over-pram and, once he was tucked in and the pram itself closed, turned to where you had glanced Mando preparing to leave.

He was adjusting something on his vambraces’ control panel, so he hadn’t acknowledged your presence yet, but when he picked up the control that opened the ramp down, you opened your mouth,

“Mando!” you called just before he lowered the ramp onto the lava flats that made up the improvised spaceport on Nevarro.

Your voice stopped him in his tracks, and he turned his head slightly to indicate you had his attention.

Your feet were moving before you knew it, rounding in front of the warrior and removing the push-button control that hung from the wall of the Razor Crest; obviously, a temporary fix that had become a permanent solution. The remote fell easily from his grip when your fingers caressed the back of the hand that held it, your gaze never leaving where you hoped his was behind the visor.

You kept your hand on his as he lowered it down to his side, enjoying the tactile sensation of the buttery leather of his gloved fingers as they netted across your own before you pulled your hand away just far enough to trace along the duraweave at his hip and across the softer, more flexible ribbed armor on his abdomen.

“I—need to check the damage to the ship,” he rasped quietly after the control clattered loudly back against the wall it was attached to, no bite in his words as you stepped into his personal space. As expected, he didn’t move, your eyes searching for any indication of discomfort in his body language and – finding none – drifted down his body appreciatively, a knowing smile dancing across your lips.

“Gotta… collect the payment for---” he trailed off when your fingers returned to where they had been before you had been interrupted in the cockpit. His words petered off on a low exhale and you hummed in approval when you felt he was still half-hard under his flight suit.

“I don’t just take, Mando,” you said quietly so as not to break the little bubble you found yourself in with the Mandalorian. You were almost gentle in your cadence, as if anything louder would spook the intimidating man. Something inside you told you that his acceptance of your touch was no insignificant thing, not to him. You couldn’t pinpoint the reason, whether it was his devotion to his Creed he mentioned or some other personal reasons. Whatever it was, you didn’t take the liberties he afforded you lightly.

You wanted to make him forget his reservations, completely.

Your fingers easily undid the fly at his crotch and fit inside to wrap around the thick girth of his rapidly hardening length. Your stomach flipped at the sheer size of him, making you swallow while Mando braced his forearm on the wall behind you, folding over you slightly from his greater height. The deep sigh he released, a shuddering sound of relief and pleasure spread electricity across you, your body instantly reacting to the guttural sound instinctively. You gave his cock an experimental squeeze as you pulled him out from his flight suit in the hopes of hearing that noise again.

But Maker, your mouth watered when you finally tore your eyes from his helmet to his exposed length.

Rich, tan skin stretched taut across the thick length of his cock as it sat heavy in your grip, a shade darker than the skin you had seen while treating him before. Pearly precum was already beading from the blunt, swollen tip and your thumb automatically swiped through it to spread over the head. You reveled in the low moan you heard in your ear as Mando’s head dropped forward to rest on your shoulder, a shaky inhale making his shoulders shudder.

“It’s okay?” you whispered, needing to be certain. The immediate nod against your shoulder settled the last of your reservations and you gave him a long stroke in return. You wondered briefly if the dryness of your hand was uncomfortable so, releasing his cock briefly, you spat on your palm before wrapping it back around the base and started stroking him steadily.

“Fuck…” his voice was barely above a whisper, his cock heavy and rigid in your fist that barely managed to close around him as you squeezed him firmly.

Stars, he felt divine. All hard ridges covered in velvet skin, a hot pulsing weight in your hand that made you chew on your lip as you imagined the size and weight of him on your tongue or the sweet sting of him stretching your cunt around him. He was bigger than you had had before, and you knew you would probably feel him for days afterwards.

He twitched under your grip, but apart from the occasional shiver and low groan in your ear, he allowed your hand to explore and learn this part of him at your own pace. Your free hand skirted down his side to gently draw his tight balls out too and when you massaged them in your palm, you received a gravelly moan in your ear. It was followed by a heady rasp in that language you still couldn’t place; the sound of it running down your spine pleasantly and making your body react viscerally, your nipples peaked and sensitive against the material of your chest band and wetness soaking your underwear again.

His shoulders sagged as the tension began to bleed from his body, his helmet turning on your shoulder to watch your hand stroking his cock rhythmically.

You were throbbing with renewed arousal from just the feel of velvety steel in your hand and from hearing those low, gravelly sounds you had been thinking about for weeks. Nothing you had fabricated in your mind came close to the reality; deep and rich, they rumbled through his whole body until you could feel their echoes in your own.

Twisting your wrist on an upward stroke, his hips snapped forward and a groan left him. His free hand unexpectedly lifted to grasp the side of your neck, his staunch control wavering. His fingers spread around easily to tangle in the hair at the base of your neck to anchor himself and you had to bite down on your lip hard to keep from moaning at the sound of him panting your name in your ear. Your eyes fluttered closed when he tightened his fingers, holding your head in pace as you increased your pace to match his hips, random twists of your wrist making him curse and groan your name desperately.

“Fuck… kitten, don’t--- fuck, don’t stop,” he panted against the side of your head, the words interspersed with quiet moans as his control continued to bend, his hips thrusting shallowly into your hand as he chased the release that he had been denied earlier. You tightened your grip and it made him practically shake with pleasure. You were only using the weeping precum leaking from his head to smooth your hand along his length but Mando didn’t seem to mind the dry friction that tethered on discomfort. He seemed to like the added sensation that made his cock throb and his mind cloud with a primal desire to fuck.

“You feel so good, Mando…” your own voice was nothing short of a moan itself, heat gathering at your core and reminding you of how empty your pussy was. But you wanted to finish him first, to bring him to the height of pleasure like he deserved before you considered your own release again. The next time you got off, you wanted to feel him completely overwhelm your body with his own, whether that was with his cock or his fingers or hell, even his thigh again. Whatever he would give you.

You massaged his sensitive head at the thought, your cunt clenching. His fingers flexed in your hair, tugging on the strands and pulling a soft gasp from your lips as he lifted his head enough for the cool beskar to press against your forehead. Your eyes flickered frantically across the visor, the strength of his fingers tangling in your hair making your lips part,

“Fuck, you want more already, don’t you?” he growled with a hitch in his labored breathing when your thumb circled the head of his cock again. You didn’t try to hide the way he was making you feel, there was no point with the desire written plainly on your face.

Drunk on the heady, heavy scent of arousal that filled the hold, you nodded desperately to his question and released his balls to run your hand along the perfectly polished beskar on his chest, the warrior shuddering as if he could actually feel you through the armor,

“I want you…” you purred against his helmet before sinking your teeth into your bottom lip when he groaned.

His hand loosened in your hair, fanning up over your cheek and across the edge of your jaw before he cupped it roughly. His thumb swiped across your bottom lip to release it from the hold your teeth had it in. He repeated the motion, slower this time to savor the pillowy softness of the flesh before pressing his thumb into your willing mouth, the fingers he had around your jaw tightening to encourage your mouth to open for him.

You accepted the supple leather eagerly, letting it rest on the flat of your tongue before you closed your lips around it, the stagger in his shallow thrusts and the sharp, distorted exhale through his modulator telling you just how affected he was.

You moaned around his thumb when he pushed it deeper into the warm cavern of your mouth, letting your tongue circle it before sucking on it hard, showing him exactly what you were imagining doing to his cock and eyes still trained on the black shine of his visor. Your mind was filled with the sounds of his raspy groans and the quick drag of your fingers of the soft skin of his cock. You matched the pace of your hand as you sucked on his thumb and when he pressed closer to you, caging you against the wall, you arched against him and keened under his movements.

“You’re fucking filthy, aren’t you?” he muttered breathlessly and slightly awed, as if he had come across something so unexpectedly amazing when he hadn’t even been looking, “you wan---”

He was cut off as his commlink came to life.

“Mando! You ever going to come out? What’s taking so long?” the crackled, disembodied voice sounded from his vambrace, your eyes widening slightly before you deviously picked up the speed with which you stroked him.

Mando hissed, his helmet falling back on his shoulders at the pleasure that set every nerve in his body alight. He pulled his thumb from your mouth but kept his grip on your jaw firm,

“Dangerous game you’re playing, kitten,” he panted, his voice strained as you felt him twitch and grow harder in your grip if it was possible, the thrill of danger you both felt at someone else’s presence turning you both on more than you anticipated.

You ignored his words and watched him from under heavy lashes with a cheeky glint in your eye, “Aren’t you going to answer that?” your question was saccharine sweet, as if you didn’t have your hand wrapped around his thick cock.

Playing Mando at his own game – challenging him – might have been a stupid move, but he had you riding his thigh that very day and now you wanted to even out the playing field. You ached a brow when he didn’t respond, your hand slowing to a stop on his cock even as his fingers dug into your jaw. With a vicious snarl in his own language, you knew you had him beat and started stroking him again as a reward.

“You’ll regret this,” he promised darkly when he released your face to press the connection link on his vambrace currently braced against the wall above your head,

“Looking after the kid, won’t be---” his head snapped down when you sank to your knees now that you were free from his hold, eyes sparking with mischief while you tried to smother the smile that turned your lips up when you looked up at him,

“Don’t you dare,” Mando hissed down at you, even as his head feel forward against his arm when your tongue flicked out to glance across the tip of his cock, a choked moan caught in his throat.

“Dare? Dare what?” Confusion was evident in the booming yet jovial voice on the other end of the link.

“N-nothing Karga. The kid…. The kid is just somewhere he shouldn’t be,” he directed the emphasis down at you as you lapped around his head teasingly, giving him a taste of the soft, wet heat of your tongue and only a taste.

“Ah! Bring him out! I’ve missed the little womprat.”

“Just give me----”

Mando cut the connection off on a loud moan as your lips suddenly engulfed the head of his cock, your own moan at the salty precum on your tongue making you salivate and lap up every drop. Maker, he was big. You circled the head with your tongue a few times and pulled your mouth off him after a few wet suckles so that you could lick a thick strip along the underside, eyes still shining with mischief despite the dark lust clouding them as he shook above you.

Fuck, he was so sensitive. A rush of arousal pooled low in your stomach and you moaned around him when you took him into your mouth again and sucked on the head while stroking the rest of his length. You would have to get used to his size before taking any more of him. But damn, if your eyes weren’t bigger than your belly and you let him sink deeper once, getting about half of him along your tongue before you felt yourself gagging.

“Stars, yes—” he groaned, the tight heat of your mouth making him want to sink his cock as deep as it could go before you pulled off him with a gasp, your saliva making his length glisten.

Neither of you had the time to dawdle; you could feel the coiling tension radiating from him as he dropped his hand to card his fingers through your hair. You could have spent hours kneeling there with his cock in your mouth, happily keeping him on the verge of pleasure, but he needed to go sooner rather than later. Reluctantly, you gave the tip one last lick before using your saliva as lubrication to stroke him quicker when you stood back up, his hand never leaving the back of your head.

“Tease--- fucking tease, always---” the staccato of his speech was dotted with more frequent rumbling moans and when he bit out a curse as your fingers massaged along the thick vein under his cock, he dropped his head back to your shoulder, the space between you reducing to only as much as your hand needed to jerk him off.

“You can get me back later, Mando,” you purred, squeezing the head lightly, “but right now I want you to cum.” Your free hand went back to palming his balls, rolling them between your fingers and you could feel them tightening in your hold. Your cunt clenched needily when the Mandalorian actually whimpered.

He had slipped back into his native language as he muttered darkly in your ear and even if you didn’t understand the words, the rasp and sinful promise in them as his tone became more and more desperate was enough to make another gush of wetness drench your pussy.

You knew it hit him the moment his spine went rigid, and he choked on a gasp, his hand tightening almost painfully in your hair reflexively. You slowed your pace with a whimper, lazily stroking him through his orgasm as several thick ropes of cum splattered against your jacket, the rest coating your hand as it dribbled down his cock.

His breathing returned in short, stagnant gasps, his arm taking most of his weight while his forehead rested heavily on your shoulder as he recovered. He hissed tiredly, pushing your hand away when the overstimulation made his spent cock twitch even as it softened. It gave you the perfect opportunity to lift your hand and delicately swipe your tongue along your finger to taste him. Slightly salty and a bit sharp, you sucked the finger into your mouth with a hum and let your eyes drift closed at the taste.

A long groan pulled your eyes open again to see Mando lifting his head lethargically from your shoulder, tilted down to watch you clean your fingers of his release,

“Don’t waste any, kitten,” he rumbled, his voice rougher than usual and you felt a swell of pride at the fatigue you heard in it. His hand wrapped back around your wrist to lead your other fingers to your mouth, as if to be part of this ritual of you eating his release. You were only too eager to lap each of them clean, eyes heavy-lidded as you sought his invisible gaze. His chest was still heaving from his release, breathing labored and he looked absolutely wrecked.

You moaned your approval at his taste, enjoying his eyes on you as you did so. You spread your fingers and turned them to rest against his chest and he hummed a “good girl” as he fingers released your wrist to trace up along your arm and across your collarbone lazily, curious in their exploration as though he had never thought to take the time to simply touch for the sake of touching. He probably hadn’t, you realized when you thought about it a little deeper.

His fingers roamed up along the column of your neck and settled there, flexing before they relaxed into a content hold that made you lean into the solid weight of his caress,

“Be here when I get back,” he rasped, fingers spreading to spear up through your hair at the base of your neck for a brief moment.

He only released you when you nodded, mesmerized by the lights that caught on his visor and the shine of his unpainted helmet.

And then his hand dropped and the overwhelming heat and presence of his body leaning over yours was gone. A single input into his vambrace and the child’s hover-pram followed him dutifully. You leaned back against the wall to gather your own breath that you seemed to have lost and pressed the forgotten control button to release the ramp for him and when it flattened on the lava fields below, he offered you a nod before wandering down to his… welcome party?

You snorted on a laugh to yourself, turning back into the bowels of the ship to shower and get changed before going out yourself.

That’s a first.

  You wasted no time stripping out of your clothes, flushing slightly at the stains on your jacket and pants from Mando’s release. You showered without washing your hair to save time and pulled on a new pair of pants along with a cream, loose linen top. For warmer climates like Nevarro, you were glad you had picked up the piece despite not wearing it often. You liked the feeling of not having layers of fabric clinging to you, the wispy soft length of the fit caressing rather than constricting and the dip in the neckline was tastefully offset by a string tied across your collarbones that gave it a breath of femininity. You stretched your arms above your head and enjoyed the occasional brush of the material on your back before you grabbed a satchel to make use of the unexpected free time you had been afforded without the child.

You greeted the mechanics setting up by the Razor Crest. Mando had obviously sorted the repairs out, whatever they entailed when he left the ship. Poor old girl was in some state after that landing but her condition wasn’t enough to wipe the content grin off your face as you walked in through the main gates with a small spring in your step. Despite the slight hiccup, today hadn’t gone quite so bad as you thought.

Nevarro was an… interesting place, you came to realize after a short while walking through the ragtag streets and down dusty roads. It boasted the same clientele as most Outer Rim planets, but the place wasn’t nearly big enough or significant enough to garner the attention of anyone more dangerous than a petty thief. The presence of the Bounty Hunters Guild also had a hand in dissuading criminals from setting up on Nevarro. It was charming, in a way. But then, you always were drawn to… unconventional things.

The marketplace – when you arrived – was, in a word, chaotic. There was no clear system of stalls or shops, hardly any signage and people seemed to make do with the most uncharacteristic objects upon which to sell their wares. You had seen no less than four sabacc tables, what looked like the carcass of an old mining trolley and you were nearly certain the Jawas were using stacked stormtrooper helmets beneath a large cloth to make a very wobbly table. You hadn’t managed to confirm that one unfortunately, instead trying to garner what information you could about what each stall and shopfront sold to know where to come back to after doing a leisurely loop of the market.

People bustled here and there, chatter flowed freely, and it felt similar to when the Empire first fell; as though a great weight had been lifted from these people, excited to enjoy the liberties freedom gave them. It was infectious, and you were charmed by it; swindling Jawas and all.

You had been delighted to learn from a helpful human man tinkering with the wiring of a pit droid outside a non-descript repair shop that there was a banking center on Nevarro – a New Republic one at that – recently installed with all the changes happening on the planet.

You threw your silent thanks to the Maker that at least now you had access to your own funds and could stop feeling guilty about living off Mando’s hard earned credits. Noticing the stiffness in the man’s legs when he stood to point you in the right direction, you stalled your journey to the bank to enquire about it.

“Only age, love. Nothin’ to be done about that,” he had waved you off with a dismissive chuckle.

You smiled in return with a brief nod before you took your leave, filing through information in your head about age-related joint stiffness as you did. You simply couldn’t help yourself; you hadn’t had a patient in months and Mando was the worst possible one whenever he was injured so you indulged yourself on your way to the bank with a pain relief plan for someone who had been kind to you. Not just because he reminded you of an elderly Mirialan who complained of similar pains what seemed like a lifetime ago.

The banking center was thankfully, a straight-forward experience. A gatekeeper droid scanned your chain code and then all you had to do was select the service you required. Withdrawing the sum of your accumulated pension that had been deposited but untouched for the last few months left you with a satisfying weight to your satchel as you left and was hardly dented as you went about your errands.

After a few wrong turns and your insistence that no, you didn’t need whatever piece of junk the Jawas were trying to peddle, you managed to replenish the food supplies you felt had either been running low or knew the other two enjoyed along with a few much-needed additions to the medical kit you were building and maintaining. You even went so far as to purchase a few tools you had been without since leaving Mynock, medical and otherwise that would no doubt come in handy eventually. The medical supply store was quite well stocked on Nevarro and given the number of bounty hunters you had seen prowling; it really came as no surprise.

A few tubes of heating liniment added to your satchel along with the other bags you carried, and you returned to the repair shop to hand them to the elderly man there. Your hastily demonstrated number of gentle exercises had him chuckling at you good naturedly and an hour later, you were still chatting over tea and some sort of oat biscuits.

 “You’re not from around here, are you?” he asked conspiratorially when you had first sat down gingerly to accept the mug he slid over to you. The question had made you laugh,

“What makes you say that?”

He hummed in contemplation around a bite of his biscuit before pointing what remained of the biscuit at you, “Folk ‘round here are too caught up in their own lives, they don’t be worryin’ about others.”

“It could also be because I’m a medic, no?” you aired your thoughts aloud after a sip of the fragrant tea, a mix of what tasted like ginger and something floral.

“Ah, but you’da charged me if you were workin’ here,” he tapped his nose, a fond wink thrown in for good measure, “go on so, where are you comin’ from then?”

You weren’t able to stop the bubble of laughter that rose, “Pamarthe, for my sins,” you admitted.

“Ah!” he clapped a hand on his knee jovially, “A Pamarthan! Great pilots. Great drinkers!” he chortled, and you snorted into your cup on a laugh, nailed it. You chuckled as you took two biscuits off the table with a small explanation that they were for a child you were looking after. That led you to fielding questions about if the child was yours, but you were able to skirt away from that topic with a well-placed question,

“So, have you ever been to Pamarthe?”

“Me? No, no not with the Empire. Very hard to travel back in those days, very hard. Now, well. I’m not the lad I once was, love. Can’t be off planet hoppin’ anymore at my age. But a few of your people have been known to pass through here, like you.” he explained while you nodded along politely.

“Mores the pity, I can imagine you’d like it. It’s… very different to Nevarro,” you admitted with a glance around the bustling crowds kicking up ash and soot from the extrusive ground underneath. The temperate climate of Pamarthe brought grass and mud, not rock and ash.

“Is it true that all the islands are connected with rope bridges? And not something more modern?”

Your eyes widened pleasantly, the same rush of warmth anyone experienced when faced with the welcome surprise that someone knew about their homeland while not being native themselves,

“You do know your stuff!” a wistful smile broke out on your face at the thought, “and you’re right. It’s just always been that way,” you shrugged, “I’ve never really thought about why some of the old ways were kept; technology is used to prevent erosion of the islands themselves after all.”

“Remarkable, isn’t it? The things we miss that are right under our noses. Simply because that’s the way they’ve always been.” he hummed sagely, and you couldn’t help but agree.

And on your conversation went. It was refreshing, to have a conversation again. You had gotten so used to one-sided chattering on your part to the child and the simple answers from the Mandalorian that didn’t invite any more speaking than necessary.

This was nice, it was a change from the norm. But a part of you started to long for the quiet hum of the ship the longer you stayed away. Perhaps it was down to being unaccustomed to the prolonged sensory overload between the bustling crowds and loud bartering that had you eager to get back, and not just the thought of seeing a roguish warrior who seemed to embody the safety silence could provide. At least, that was what you tried to convince yourself of anyway.

So, bidding your new acquaintance a good evening along with a stern instruction to do his exercises that held no real bite, you left, your pace a little quicker than could be described as casually strolling, “be here when I get back” echoing in your mind and setting flurries of anticipation off in your stomach.

Life still seemed to go on even as the suns in the sky began to age and the shadows they cast on the low buildings and narrow streets shifted. There was still plenty of activity and you casually ruminated on where all these people went when the day was done as you reached the Razor Crest. The Guild had finished unloading the quarries in the time you had been away, and the engine seemed relatively repaired if your untrained eye was anything to go by. Lowering the ramp, you lugged the progressively heavier bags back up into the hold and unpacked them merrily; the outing and the fresh air had done wonders for you a world of good.

With the last of your supplies tucked away under the galley counter, you found yourself with nothing to do. Dismissing the thought of making something to eat after just eating biscuits, you found yourself climbing the ladder to the cockpit instead.

Chewing your lip contemplatively once there, you gingerly sat in the pilot’s chair before you could talk yourself out of it and took in the sweeping view of lava flats as far as the eye could see from this higher vantage point.

Honestly, you chided yourself internally, it’s a chair.

But in the same way you would never sit in your mother’s favorite seat at the table, where the view of the vast ocean framed by towering cliff edges of far off islands was best – even when empty – you still hesitated before you relaxed into the large seat.

Maker, was it always this big? It seemed much narrower when he sat in it… but with space on either side between you and the armrests, you were once again reminded of the size of his presence, unconsciously and perhaps foolishly dwarfed only by your familiarity with seeing him so frequently. You remembered how big he was on your examination table when he had been poisoned. The table had groaned under him and while you had seen taller, you had seen broader, his was the aura that told you he could put every inch of height, every pound of weight to better use than anyone larger or stronger than himself. Heck, even a Houk warlord hadn’t stood a chance against him.  

Your fingers ran along the sturdy leather of the armrests, the dry fabric catching the pads in their exploration and reminding you vaguely of a tookas tongue, an abrasive yet gratifying sensation on your softer skin. Your muscles sagged as you relaxed further, the trepidation of being somewhere you shouldn’t be beginning to melt away and causing your head to rest back.

You enjoyed the tactility more with your eyes closed, the deprivation of sight transforming your awareness of the leather beneath your fingers; the shallow veins of aging cracks along the material, the dips where more pressure was repeatedly placed when the Mandalorian sat here and the small fraying of the stitching at the seams. It became a map under your fingers, with rivers and valleys and mountains and you lost yourself in the idle relaxation it brought to you.

So immersed in your tactile exploration, your ears didn’t pick up on the ramp lowering, nor the presence that paused in the doorway of the cockpit, startled at first before he relaxed against the side of the doorframe, admiring the sight before him where he could leisurely take you in while you were caught unawares.

“Planning on stealing my ship?” his voice came out rougher than either of you anticipated and your eyes immediately snapped open to look over your shoulder from where you sat, lips parted in a surprised ‘o’ and looking very much like you had been caught.

You took him in from your position and, after running your hand along the armrest to find the correct button, swung the chair around to face him. You were quite comfortable where you were and didn’t fancy getting up despite your prior hesitation. One leg crossed delicately across the other, you rested your chin on a propped-up hand with a grin,

“If I wanted to steal your ship, I’d have gotten it months ago,” you teased, the familiar ground you had somewhat lost with him over the last week making a welcome return, “you’d have never even known.” you finished confidently with a wink.

Mando said nothing for a moment, assessing your words and mannerisms, “You think you could steal a bounty hunters ship from right under his nose and not get caught?” he hummed, his disbelief evident in his dismissive tone, “Please.”

“No?” you tapped your fingers along your cheek where they rested, “You seemed pretty out of it after I had your cock in my mouth,” you threw at him casually, tone light as if you were merely discussing what you wanted for dinner, smirking at the surprised choke it pulled from him, “probably be pretty easy for me then, wouldn’t you say?”

His body stiffened as he collected himself at the abruptness of your words, fingers flexing on his arms where he had them crossed across his chest and head shifting to look away from you before his visor refocused itself on where you sat,

“I don’t think you were much better, kitten,” his husky voice was deeper than it had been, thicker.

Your stomach fluttered at that stupid fucking nickname, the rolling rasp of it on his tongue only enhanced by the natural lilt of his accent. Your flare of temper gave him the time to push off the wall and saunter over in that arrogant way you hated as much as loved and pressed a hand to the back of the seat by your head,

“I think sucking my cock got you wetter than riding my thigh, didn’t it?” he rumbled, as though his question was merely a token gesture, used to amplify the truth in the statement that came before it, “I don’t think you’d be able to do anything, let alone steal my ship.”

It was your turn to be flustered now, dammit. You had the high ground for all of two minutes before he effortlessly flipped the control. Your body thrummed with how close his was but not one part of him even brushed against you; not the coarse fabric on his arm where it was braced on the seat, not the solid beskar on his legs against yours, nor his helmet against your forehead as he leaned over you. Touch was not a language Mando knew well beyond violence, but he was well aware of how to use his body to intimidate… to dominate… to captivate.

Your eyes stayed on his visor, focusing your attention on breathing normally and to not let the effect he had on your body show. You could feel the heat of his gaze running down your face, over the exposed skin at your collarbones and down the light material of your shirt. The appreciative grunt slipping through his modulator had your thighs clenching together instinctively as the craving you had been distracting yourself from all day reignited with a soft gasp when gloved fingers traced over the bend of your knee that sat crossed over your leg.

“Take these off,” he muttered, patting your thigh once as his fingers traced up from your knee, running them along the outer seam of your pants before pulling his hand away as though it had never touched you and rested it on his belt expectantly as he looked down at you, “I want to see how wet sucking my cock makes you.”

His crass words, so unlike his usual stoic statements were characteristically blunt but filled with a vulgarity that simultaneously shocked you and turned you on. For such sinful words to fall from the mouth of a man who kept his thoughts and emotions in a chokehold, there was a thrilling sense of depravity that exceeded the fact that you had gotten each other off already today.

You leaned back languidly against the pilot’s chair, watching him leisurely as he stood over you and made no attempt to hide the way your eyes trailed down his body. You rode his thigh and sucked his cock already; was there really any point in trying to hide your attraction to him anymore? Life was too fucking short.

“Are you asking me to go down on you again, Mando?” you purred, loving the virility in his tone; there was nothing you loved more than an insatiable lover, it boded well for him being able to keep up with you.

“I’m telling you that if you don’t remove them now, you won’t be allowed to.”

There was a barely restrained thread of anger surfacing in his voice, possibly the residual effects of making him answer the commlink from his contact in the Guild while you had your hands and mouth on his cock, but instead of the spark of fear your instinct would usually alert you with, a trickle of desire kissed your senses instead.

“An interesting punishment,” you hummed, fingers toying with the waistband of your pants, “given that you’d be missing out as well.” Even as you said it, you were uncrossing your legs. He pushed back a pace or two from where he loomed over you to give you room or to get a better view, you didn’t know. Lifting your hips from the seat, you shimmied the form fitting material over your ass and down your legs, kicking the material off one foot before the other, panties staying on.

His helmet snapped up from the smooth skin of your legs to your face and, in a move that had a sense of déjà vu settling over you both, you reclined back comfortably against the chair again, your eyes dancing with the same challenge he had thrown to you on Klatooine.

The pants can come off, but the underwear stays on.

For now, you told yourself, but he didn’t need to know that right away.

The warning growl he emitted was the sweetest response you could have wished for. Revenge after all, was better served ice cold.

Your move. Your eyes dared him with a glimmer of amusement and a quirk of your brow even as a knot of anticipation began to curl in your stomach.

He surprised you by sitting in the co-pilots chair you usually occupied after a tense few seconds, leaning back into the leather, relaxed.

You frowned, breaking the nonchalant façade you tried to deceive him with as your mind scrabbled to figure out what he was planning. You hadn’t anticipated him sitting away from you and simply watching you. You were about to question him when your lips parted as the hand resting on his thigh lifted to palm himself through his flight suit slowly.

Your teeth dented your bottom lip, shifting yourself in the seat while your eyes immediately focused on the way his hand flexed and curled around the prominent bulge and your fingers itched at the memory of his cock filling your hand.

His game, obviously, was to drive you bantha-shit insane, because the moment he unzipped his fly to pull himself from the tight confines of the flight suit, already hard and leaking, you wanted him.

You’ll regret this…

The growl reverberated in your mind from hours before. He was using the very thing you had used against him, on you. Your eyes glazed over as they followed the steady path of the Mandalorians fist as he stroked himself, small grunts the only sounds he seemed willing to let you hear.

You swallowed, heat rose to your cheeks and your skin becoming uncomfortably hot. It made you increasingly aware of your own arousal as you remembered the weight of his cock in your hand, the pulsing length of him on your tongue… your tongue peaked out to taste your bottom lip, all traces of his earlier release unfortunately gone.

Your eyes darkened when a quiet groan was picked up by the modulator, his head dipping with a ragged breath as his thumb swiped over the swollen head. You had to stifle a moan of your own when you recognized that the movement of his hand was mimicking yours, twisting momentarily on the upward stroke and squeezing as it came back down to the base.

Your idle fingers itched to touch yourself and one hand began subconsciously moving between your thighs as they spread enough give you space. But the Mandalorians sharp eyes – even clouded with lust – didn’t miss a thing as his head rolled around to look at you,

“Hands by your sides, kitten.”

His voice was dangerously low, thick with lust as he slowed his strokes to a lazier pace, prolonging his desire and by default, prolonging your inability to touch yourself. You could practically hear the smirk in his voice as he spoke, and it made you huff indignantly, but you fisted your hands on the leather beside your bare hips nonetheless. The ease with which he gave commands, the casual control he exuded, it sent tremors of need through you, a baser side of you eager to obey even if it conflicted with your stubborn nature.

“Good girl,” he rasped with an unmistakable tease lilting his voice when you settled, “keep behaving and I’ll let you taste it.”

You hated to admit it, but the promise of having him in your mouth again was almost worth the silent torture you were being made endure now, cunt throbbing in neglect and skin humming with sensitivity. You had always been able to succeed with a mind over matter approach, with the constant knowledge that the reward was worth the work it took to achieve it but Maker, was he making it difficult.

The minutes he sat away from you felt like hours despite your resolve and the temptation to touch yourself only grew as the air grew thick with tension. Your eyes drank their fill of the warrior getting himself off mere feet away from where you sat half-naked. The sound of his hand stroking himself and those breathy exhales were going to drive you mad.

Your panties felt uncomfortable against your sensitive skin and you cursed your stubbornness in keeping them on, shifting in your seat and making yourself whine quietly when they brushed against your clit, drawing Mando’s helmet down to look at you once more,

“Take them off,” he repeated breathlessly, and you wanted to weep in thanks, eagerly lifting your hips to push the offending piece of clothing down your legs. You didn’t have time for shyness or modesty when the cool air on your bare cunt was soothing for all of five seconds before the throbbing heat made you ache with a renewed need to touch your clit, to somehow relieve the pressure. The approving groan that rumbled from the Mandalorian was a stroke to your ego as you spread your legs for him, revealing your damp folds to him and tempting him to break the rules of his own game.

“Maker, I can see how wet you are from here,” he moaned and picked up the pace of his stroking momentarily, caught up in the vision you presented him with, half naked in his pilot’s chair; you were a veritable galactic pin up girl.

You made a small noise of impatience, your darkened eyes pleading with him as your body burned under his unseen gaze.

“Tell me what you want,” he grunted, squeezing the base of his cock to slow himself down from simply getting himself off as quickly as possible as he would normally.

“Your cock,” you answered shamelessly before tagging a quiet “please?” to the end which seemed to break him just like you hoped it would.

He stood not a moment later and made the few steps to stand beside you and you wasted no time in greedily wrapping your fingers around the thick base of his cock. You turned your head so your lips could instantly wrap around the head of his cock again, beyond teasing him and addicted from the brief taste you had of it earlier in the day and making you moan around him in both pleasure and relief.

The vibrations made Mando hiss as they ran through him before his head tipped back on a moan when you relaxed your jaw to take a bit more of his length into your waiting mouth, tongue massaging as much of the underside as it could reach. You began a steady rhythm moving up and down his cock, your muscles relaxing to let him move easier along your tongue.

Your hand stroked what you couldn’t take into your mouth, using your saliva to glide your hand down to his base with a firm squeeze. You knew it would take a little time to get familiar with taking him in fully, so you enjoyed each drag of his length over your tongue and lips, along with the occasional teasing scrape of your teeth that had his breath hitching.

He gripped the headrest behind you when you pulled off him to latch your lips wetly along the length, licking and kissing your way to the base nestled among dark, trimmed hair, your hand massaging the head as you did so. The sight made you hum and lick a long strip back up the underside to suckle on the head once more. You had deduced he was probably dark haired given the beautiful tan of his skin, but having it confirmed made your stomach clench giddily.

Your eyes lifted back to Mando’s helmet when he cupped your jaw, pressing his thumb slightly against your cheek for you to open your mouth so his cock could settle back on your tongue. You moaned, taking his none too subtle hint and started sucking him off again in earnest, your saliva and his precum leaving his cock messy and wet and the sounds it made as you sank your head down on it were profane and loud in the otherwise silent cockpit.

You keened when you felt a gloved hand trace down your front, ghosting under the swell of your breast before giving it a tentative squeeze that had you whimpering around him and relaxing your throat to ease more of him into your mouth. He grunted and kneaded the soft flesh of your breasts above the thin linen shirt at the perfect heat of your mouth, learning you as you were him.

You dug your nails into the backs of his thigh to stop yourself from gagging when his tip pushed against the back of your throat, the sudden sensation making him jerk his hips forward with a gasp of your name and a hard squeeze to your breast while tears formed in your eyes. The slight burn was delicious, and the sounds he made as you took as much of his cock into your mouth as possible were even more so.

“Fuck yes…” he groaned, your mouth molten around his cock while he rocked against you shallowly, his gaze roaming your entire body and when it fell on the thin ring of ink surrounding your left thigh, his cock twitched in your mouth and caused you to pull back enough to swirl your tongue around the sensitive head before sinking back down on him to take in as much as you could.

The sound of him choking on a moan encouraged you to hollow your cheeks and swallow around him, your eyes glittering up at him with a mix of tears and teasing when he jerked his hips forward again, pushing his length that bit deeper.

“Such a… fucking filthy thing---” he moaned, releasing your breast to tangle his hand in your hair to slow your movements as you withdrew your head eagerly and sank back down on it, “but so… so fucking thorough in your examinations.”

You pulled off him, a breathless laugh leaving your mouth even as trails of saliva kept you connected to his cock and messed up your mouth and chin. You pumped him with your hand while you rested the head against your cheek,

“What did you call it again? Coercive medical attention?” your voice was hoarse, but it dripped with a lovely mix of amusement and desire.

“So long as it ends with my cock in this perfect fucking mouth, I’ll accept medical attention of any kind,” he bit out, the slight tremble in his voice when you gave him a long hard stroke was endearing in a way you hadn’t anticipated the warrior being.

“I’ll believe that when Mustafar freezes over,” you chuckled, giving his cock a squeeze for good measure before taking him back into your mouth.

“Maybe we’ll go there then---” he cursed when you let him hit the back of your throat again, “be—be the only way to shut you---” he never did get to finish that sentence, his head falling back on his shoulders with a sound that got caught in his throat when you took the remaining few inches into your mouth valiantly and swallowed hard around him, breathing deeply through your nose.

Feeling yourself start to gag, you pulled off his cock halfway, gasping around him before starting to lazily bob your head in order to get your breath back and do it again. His hand tightened in your hair but allowed you to move at your own pace. Your attention was pulled back up to him when he leaned over you slightly, a slap to your inner thigh making you moan and spread them for him eagerly.

“Fuck…” he groaned, and you felt the soft leather of a finger swipe through your folds, making you whimper. He growled something you couldn’t quite pick up with your blood pounding in your ears from that single jolt of pleasure he gave you but when you felt him again, it wasn’t the cool leather of his gloves, but the warm skin of his fingers instead.

The realization made you jump on contact with a mewl as he spread your wetness along your dripping cunt. You knew what he would find there without him having to say a word. Slick, swollen and burning with need as you keened, your sounds were muffled by his cock filling your mouth. You struggled to keep the lazy pace of bobbing up and down on his length when you forgot how to breathe from the slight calloused tips of two of his fingers spreading your slick lips and pulling a vicious growl from the Mandalorian.

“All this from sucking my cock?” his voice was labored, control razor thin as he struggled not to merely grip your head and fuck your mouth to chase the release dangling before him. It seemed every part of you was hot and wet and soft as his fingers spread through your folds and his cock buried in your mouth. Your bright, wide eyes, glassy with lust looking up at him made that struggle even harder as his hips rolled involuntarily, your cheeks hollowing and wet tongue massaging under the prominent vein pulsing on the underside of his cock.

You were addicted to the way he sounded, the ever-present discipline he exuded daily was being pulled taut as more primal urges overtook him. It was an intoxicating reminder of his humanity, of the man under the armor and the mere thought of his possible expressions beyond an impassive helmet as curses and moans and filth fell from his lips, had a wave of wetness slowly pulsing from your neglected pussy.

“Oh fuck--- fuck what, what was that--” he rasped, his fingers diving into the arousal that dripped down your open thighs and over your cheeks to the seat underneath you, making a mess. The sudden gush seemed to short circuit something in Mando, his mind struggling to focus on anything but the soaked cunt under his fingers.

When the pads of his fingers brushed over your aching clit, you cried around him, squeezing the base of his cock, and making him hiss your name; a surprised hitch that had him nearly doubled over you in pleasure. The next brush of his fingers was not as surprising, but no less intense before he began a stead rhythm of circling your clit, dipping his fingers down into your sopping folds before dragging that wetness back to soothe over the sensitive bundle of nerves.

You tried to mumble something, your head foggy with the need to cum from being filled with something other than your own fingers, but his cock garbled your words, the two of you slipping into that tangled, desperate side of lust. You couldn’t bring yourself to take him out though, lamenting the loss even for a moment as you greedily tried to take more of him again, the choked gasp above the only reward you needed when your nose brushed the coarse hair at his base. It had to be a sin, to feel this good from giving someone else pleasure. Maker, you could get off just by sucking this man’s cock for hours and be satisfied.

Mando however, didn’t seem to share that sentiment and when he suddenly pushed a finger into your tight cunt, your eyes rolled closed as you both moaned in unison. Your walls fluttered and clenched around the thick, foreign digit and you felt your orgasm cresting at your sensitivity before it abated somewhat when his finger settled knuckle deep inside you.

“Stars, so tight for me, kitten--- tight and wet and fuck,” he spat as you clenched around him again at how wrecked he sounded, giving his cock a particularly hard pull into your mouth while you whimpered around him, “can just imagine, shit, imagine how tight you’ll be around my cock.” His words were almost slurring in their delirium and you knew that if you tried to speak, you wouldn’t sound much better. Especially not when he added a second finger into your pussy and started pumping them achingly slow and more controlled than he sounded.

“So big, you- your fingers--- more,” you whined after pulling his cock from your mouth to suck in a breath, the task suddenly becoming manual as you struggled to remember what came first, inhale or exhale? “I want more, always more,” you were babbling against his cock now, begging words interspersed with wet licks and kisses to the length as if you could convince him with affection to give you what you wanted.

“That’s it kitten, fuck, t-tell me what you want—” Mando was panting now, the quick jerks of your wrist along his cock, slippery from your drool and saliva making his own breathing an unbearable task as his fingers pumped inside you harder, the wet sounds filling the cockpit both mortifying and evocative, “such a greedy, hungry, smart-mouth medic I—shit.”

He almost sounded angry, the tempestuous rumble rolling from his voice like thunder, but paired with one hand roughly thrusting a third finger into you and the other carding his fingers reverently through your messy locks, you knew he was as unhinged as you were with the intensity of the pleasure you were somehow able to give each other. As if the tension that had been steadily growing from that first fateful night on Klatooine was suddenly boiling over, spilling, and hissing as it stoked the flames beneath; a closed circuit that could no longer be stopped or broken.

When his thumb began working tight, practiced circles around your clit as his fingers fucked you into the chair, you knew you wouldn’t last long. The looming pressure that had been building the moment he asked if you planned on stealing the Razor Crest was coming at you faster than a TIE fighter,

“Gonna cum, Mando--- Mando, feel so good, please---” you whimpered, grinding your hips down on his hand desperately as your orgasm drew near.

He slowed his fingers despite your protestations, and he gentled your frustration with a well-placed curl of his fingers inside you, “Shh, shh—fuck, not yet---” he started and you whined as you sucked the head of his cock back into your mouth ardently, as if somehow, that would change his mind, a mixture of saliva and precum drooling down the sides of your mouth as you messily lapped at him, “fuck… kitten--- wait.”

He pulled himself from your mouth and his fingers from your cunt, chuckling breathlessly at your frown as you glared up at him, “wait…” he purred, the sound running down your spine and across your overheated skin while he hooked one hand under your knee to drape your leg over the armrest, giving him a better view and greater access to your soaked pussy.

You shivered as he gathered some of your arousal to coat his fingers before your jaw slackened when he spread your juices along his cock – the shudder down his spine evidence of just how effected he was – until it glistened with a combination of your saliva and arousal. The visceral image of your arousal coating his cock had any last shred of control or shame disappearing, impatience taking its place.

 It was filthy, and your mouth watered at the sight of him. You dragged your eyes up to his visor slowly, eyes dark and cheeks flushed, lips parted and chin messy from your ministrations. The resounding growl he released had your cunt quivering, missing his fingers and it pulled an impatient whine from your lips as your nails raked down his covered hip.

“Mando…” you began, eyes dropping back to his cock with a silent plea.

He led his cock back into your waiting mouth, running the head along your plump bottom lip and smearing the mess already at your mouth and chin before pressing it back against your waiting tongue. His fingers immediately returned to push into you and began fucking you in earnest. The tangy taste of your own arousal mixing with his made you moan around him and your eyes flutter shut, your hips grinding down on his hand immediately once he found a rough, fast pace to bring you over the edge. You greedily engulfed the length of him, your hand stroking along the base as you hummed when you felt him get impossibly harder on your tongue.

His fingers curled against that small patch inside of you and made your hips jerk up to his rough chuckle, “there we go, good girl---” he panted, his thumb once again returning to your clit which had you practically sobbing around him with the need for release. You had orgasmed only earlier today and yet, it felt like you had been edged for weeks, months even. You were so desperate to come apart that when it did hit you, you were blindsided.

“Fuck, fuck! That’s it, kitten---” Mando pumped his fingers through your quivering walls, slower as they clamped down around him, trying to keep him inside while your cries bounced off the steel surrounding you in the cockpit and soaking his hand in your release. It kept going, for several long seconds and you were certain your brain wasn’t getting enough oxygen with how you were unable to take in a full breath and all you had to ground you, was your hand working over the solid thick length in front of you.

“So good, it’s so good---” you heard yourself babble, moaning his name like a prayer as you latched your lips to his length to drag open-mouth kisses to the shaft, hips still rocking against his hand as the last convulses ran through you, “want your cum, Mando- “

He didn’t respond, his fingers running sloppily over your clit once more as you whined with the overstimulation and tried to pull away despite being trapped against the seat,

“Another. Give me another,” he groaned, his fingers leaving no room for negotiation as they began a renewed onslaught on your sensitive nerves, already raw and frayed from coming so hard already. You shook your head even as you lapped at his head, eyes teary and unfocused as you looked up at him, “I can’t, it’s too much—”

“’More’ you said…” he released your hair to grip under your chin, pulling your head up to be pressed against his helmet, “I’m gonna… shit, I’m gonna give you as much as you need.”

His voice was strained, and you could hear it wavering the closer he got to his own release. But even in your foggy mind, you could feel the steel determination rolling off him. He wasn’t going to cum until you did. The thought alone made you whimper and despite your earlier declaration, a fresh wave of arousal pooled around his fingers as he pressed them back into you.

“Do it…” you heard yourself whisper, lowering your head enough to nuzzle the head of his cock against your cheek while he still held your jaw and you hoped you were meeting his eyes behind the helmet, “give me everything, e-everything I’ve been missing.”

His answering growl and the press of his thumb into your mouth for you to bite down on was all you could remember clearly before he built up a brutal pace once more. Your head fell back against the seat once he released you at the overwhelming friction on your swollen cunt, but Mando wasted no time in guiding your head back to his cock and with a whimper, you took him back into your mouth easily, his tip brushing the back of your throat now without hesitation as you swallowed.

His fingers stuttered while he groaned before regaining their rhythm and curling up against that spot inside you, a flick of his thumb against your clit sending flames scorching over your skin again as your release approached embarrassingly quick,

“Better than I ever imagined… this mouth—” he moaned, “you’re so wet and fuck… I bet you taste—” he was cut off on a long moan as you let him sink down your throat, breathing heavily through your nose before pulling back and repeating the action, your hands reaching into his flight suit to fondle his heavy balls once more.

You were equally determined to make him cum, a small taste earlier hadn’t been enough to satiate your craving and with a second orgasm about to overtake you, you were ravenous with the need to have him cum down your throat before you were struck dumb with the pleasure his hands would give you.

His breathless chuckle, such a foreign sound to come from him, made you want to smile had you not been preoccupied, “trying to beat me, kitten?” he asked, slowing the thrusts of his fingers so they were longer and harder, the change in pace heating you up beyond boiling point and you gave his balls a gentle squeeze in retaliation.

He was breathing hard, trying to limit his hips from thrusting into your warm mouth but even you could tell the shallow thrusts highlighted how close he was. But given his stubbornness, he doubled down on his efforts and with a final hard press on your clit and a perfect curl to his fingers your release crashed over you, less intense than the first but more surprising as it washed over you and kept you quivering and shaking under him, trying to ride it out with a silent cry. He pulled you through it once again with lazy strokes of his fingers, but they were messy, sloppy as he finally allowed his head to drop back on his shoulders, the tight leash he had on his control finally snapping,

“Yes, fuck— you want my cum, kitten?” he snarled when you nodded around his cock, eagerly pumping him and the change in his breathing told you he was nearly there.

He braced the hand that had been inside you to the back of the chair while the other tangled in your hair to keep you in place, his hips movements uneven and erratic before he stilled, your mouth opening for his cock to rest on your tongue while you pumped him.

He growled your name when his cock pulsed, a rope of cum hitting your cheek before you closed your lips around the head for him to continue coming in your mouth, the thick fluid coating your tongue and making you moan at the taste of him before you swallowed it down. You sank your lips slowly down the length of him, coating him with any residual cum in your mouth while you languidly basked in both your orgasms with a fond lick to his tip.

His shoulders lifted and fell in great rolls as he struggled to catch his breath, the heat in his invisible gaze not lost on you as you held his cock up to lick it clean languidly, reveling in every twitch you could feel in his muscles as a result.

“Maker…” he whispered into the cockpit, now filled only with your combined breathing. He hadn’t stopped stroking your hair as you cleaned his cock up, and the gentle act belied the gruff exterior he presented. It wasn’t lost on you, even if it might have been unconsciously done on his part in his post-orgasmic haze. Your leg dropped from the armrest to fold closed, and you hummed at the pleasant ache you felt once they were together despite the stickiness of your release drying on your thighs.

Once your tongue had become too much for him, he pulled back from you slightly, just enough to push himself back into his flight suit and with a fleetingly soft caress to the side of your head, he dropped back down in the co-pilot seat where he had first begun. You swiped the warm cum from your face and licked your thumb clean while you both basked in the afterglow.

His helmet tipped back against the headrest but kept it turned towards you, his chest rising and falling in large swells. You probably should have grabbed your underwear to cover up, but you were still basking in the euphoria of two breath-taking orgasms that the most you could do was stretch an arm over your head with a soft moan to release any remaining tension in your muscles, your eyes blinking tiredly at Mando all the while.

“Keep that up, and I’ll fuck you right now,” he rasped; his voice lower from how much he had used it in the last while. He didn’t speak often, but you were tickled to find out how vocal he could be when aroused.

You hummed at the thought, relaxing your arms back by your sides as an amused laugh left you, “A tempting offer, but I think my bones have been liquified.” Your words inspired another unencumbered laugh from you, still high from your orgasm and his posture adjusted slightly as if proud of putting you in this state, “I wouldn’t be much use.”

“Until next time then,”

He sat up, the smooth words making you smile tiredly at the familiar phrase. He ran his bare hand behind his neck, a lethargic groan leaving him as he tried to wake himself up from a stupor and your eyes followed the movement. The flash of tan skin made you chew your lip on a smile, knowing exactly where those fingers had been not a few minutes earlier.

You finally pushed yourself to sit up properly, toeing your underwear closer to you so you could bend and shimmy them up your legs, feeling his eyes follow the movement silently. You decided against your pants, the length of your shirt covering your modesty somewhat and you released a long, satisfied breath before turning your gaze to inky darkness that had engulfed Nevarro while you were occupied.

“Did you finish up with your Guild contact?” you posed, and he nodded once,

“Five more pucks,” he explained simply, standing from the co-pilots seat, and you wrinkled your nose, you guys would be travelling for a while, so it seemed.

“Is the kid still asleep?” you hummed tiredly, “I have biscuits for him.”

“Still knocked out from earlier. We had come back to leave when---” he trailed off to your laughter, standing up once you felt your legs wouldn’t give out from under you and turned the pilot seat back to face the viewport,

“Are you saying I made us late, Mando?” you threw over your shoulder, startled when you found him standing directly behind you, his hand falling heavily to your hips and his chest against your back while he hummed in agreement,

“Exactly. You’re as troublesome as the kid,” he murmured against your temple with a squeeze to your thinly covered flesh while you rolled your eyes at him, no heat in the action as you were more pleasantly preoccupied with the comfortable weight of his hands and the warmth that flowed from them into your body.

“Please. Go on then, get us up in the air since we’re so far behind schedule.” You pressed back against him cheekily before his head leaned back to look down at you as he pondered something for a few moments,

“You do it,” he replied simply.

You blinked, he had never asked you to fly before, excluding the time he came back injured on Scipio, and even then, he hadn’t asked. You had taken it upon yourself to do. You couldn’t help but feel that this was a tentative move on his part, a small gesture of confidence he had in you that you didn’t want to refuse.

“I’ll… check on the kid,” he continued with one last caress to your side before he released you and disappeared out of the cockpit, leaving you floundering.

Orgasms put Mando in a much better mood, you determined with a chuckle, taking a seat again and beginning the routine procedures to take you up and off the planet, running your hands back over the dry leather of the armrests fondly.

Crash landing or not, today had been a pretty good day.

 Stitches Taglist:

@geannad​ @ayamenimthiriel​ @sarahjkl82-blog​ @gracie7209​ @pychedelic-star @nova646​ @theflightytemptressadventure​ @wantingtobekorra​ @computeringturtle​ @slayerette26​ @kesskirata​ @greatcircle79​ @boxdyeblonde​ @fangirl-316​ @niiight-dreamerrrr​ @tanzthompson​ @theamuz​ @the-scandalorian​ @gallowsjoker​ @helmet-comes-off​

[youbloodymadgenius]

Too Late (Ivar x reader)

A/N: This is my entry to @fuchsiagrasshopper's 200 Followers Writing Challenge. Congratulations again, love 💝

This is a variation on Ivar's death. Consider yourself warned. And... sorry 😔

The prompt, from the song Too Late, by Ashes Divides, is in bold and italics.

@zuxiezendler - Thank you for reassuring me (I needed it) and for beta reading this for me 🌺

Let me know if you want to be tagged 😊

Divider by @firefly-graphics

Summary: Ivar is about to go to war against Alfred. His eyes are very blue, though.

Warnings: major character death; mention of blood and fatal wound (nothing graphic).

Words: 1815

When a hand lingers on his forehead, Ivar slowly opens his eyes before shifting in the makeshift bed and eventually sitting upright, allowing you to take a seat next to him. Looking at him with concern, you tilt your head to the side, one of your hands resting lightly on his chest while the other grazes his thigh.

Studying him, you bite your lower lip. "Your eyes have turned deep blue, Ivar. You know what that means, remember?" Ivar snorts and then rolls his eyes, visibly annoyed. You don't stop, though. "Hvitserk told me. Your brothers used to watch over you. They knew that when your eyes turned blue that you were in great danger of breaking your bones. And they would say 'Not today, Ivar. Not today.'"

Knitting his brow, your lover wearily rubs a filthy hand over his face, his eyes never leaving yours. "I remember." He finally nods, a half-smile curling his lips. "I know."

"You could let Hvitserk take command, Ivar. You'd stay behind, for once. I could even stay with you." You know you're walking on eggshells, but when Ivar answers, there's surprisingly no anger in his voice. Though the calm determination in his gaze tells you that arguing is pointless.

"No, Y/N." He shakes his head and grabs your hand, playing absently with your fingers. "No," he repeats, "Hvitserk must lead the back-up troops, it has to be someone I trust. As for you, I need you on the battlefield. You're our best shieldmaiden, and you know that. And...", he tilts his head, lightly shrugging, "I don't think we can defeat Alfred if I'm not there too... You know..." He taps his forehead with his pointer finger and you know exactly what he means. He's right. His men are fearsome warriors, but they sometimes – most of the time – need guidance when fighting, and who else could do that better than Ivar, with his cunning and extraordinary strategic mind?

No. He won't change his mind.

For the briefest moment, you think you should tell him. But no. It wouldn't change anything. You're not deluding yourself, he'd still go. And he'd demand that you stay behind. And that's not happening. It's an option you refuse to even consider. If he goes, you go. That's who you are. Both of you. A king – a warrior – and a shieldmaiden.

You'll tell him afterwards. Once it's all over. Once Alfred is defeated.

"Okay, then." Leaning in, you give him a peck on the lips before standing up. "Promise you'll be careful."

Flashing you a reassuring yet tired smile, he nods. "I always am."

The battle rages for hours now and you know you should feel it in your bones. The pain. The exhaustion. But you don't. Unharmed and powerful, a shield in your left hand, it's like you're flying, dodging blow after blow, slicing throat after throat, driving your trustworthy sword into chests or guts, as you slash your way through the enemies. Exhilarated, you shout war cries and you know that if they are cathartic to you, they scare the Saxon soldiers. The thought makes you laugh – and indeed a crazy laugh escapes your throat as you run forward, swinging your blade from side to side, momentarily crouching down as an axe flies over your head.

Attacking a Saxon with your shield, you beat him savagely with repeated blows to his skull before skewering him with your sword. As he falls to the ground, already dead, you look up to the sky for a second, and silently thank the gods, a beaming smile adorning your face. You love that. You're never more alive than on the battlefield. As you lower your gaze, eager to slaughter more and more Christians, your eyes catch something on the left.

And it's like the world stops spinning.

Like your heart stops beating.

And you stop breathing.

Petrified, you can't comprehend what you're seeing. It doesn't make sense. It can't make sense. Why is this Saxon stabbing Ivar? How can it be? Why isn't your lover fighting back? Why is he bleeding? Your shield and sword slipping out of your hands, the ringing in your ears is suddenly deafening, and for a fleeting second, you think you might throw up. But you won't. Because that can't be real. You're hallucinating, for sure. It can't be happening. It doesn't make sense. It can't. It simply can't.

A sudden cry of pain and the distinctive and all too familiar sound of a broken bone snap you out of your stupor and you rush over to your lover – 'Not today, Ivar, not today, no' – dropping to the ground next to him, your hand grazing his cheek. As you see the state he's in – his left leg unnaturally bent at the knee with exposed bone; his stomach covered with blood – a shiver runs down your spine and you gasp, filled with horror. You want to cry, and scream, and shout but instead you inhale deeply, blinking several times before locking eyes with his bloodied ones. Your man needs you.

"I'm here, Ivar, I'm here." As you carefully place his head on your lap, his hand grabs your arm, squeezing it. His eyelids flutter as he tries to focus his gaze on you. Weakly raising his free hand, he fails to touch your face and something between a sob and a whine escapes his lips. Gently intertwining his fingers with yours, you can't help but repeat yourself. "I'm here, my love, I'm here."

A faint shake of his head and then he speaks, his voice hoarse and barely a whisper. "You... You should leave... Leave, Y/N.." He swallows painfully, and a sob chokes in your throat as you see blood running out of his mouth. You shake your head, not trusting your voice, but Ivar, your stubborn lover, keeps speaking, mustering all his strength. "Leave, my love, you're... not safe... here..." He then lets out a shuddering breath, loosening his grip on your arm.

Raising your head and looking around, you see that your fellow warriors are gone. Someone, Haakon probably – you always saw Ivar's second in command as a coward – must have sounded the retreat, now that their king is down. You don't have time to dwell on it though as you realize that the two of you are now surrounded by Saxon soldiers, their swords pointed at you. You coldly glare at them for a few brief seconds before meeting King Alfred's gaze. The Saxon commander seems shocked as he looks with wide open eyes at the man lying in front of you.

"Lower your weapons!" You barely hear Alfred's order, your mind taken with other thoughts, and you don't bother to see if his soldiers obey. The truth is, Alfred and his men are the least of your concerns right now. No matter what happens, no matter what they do, you're not going anywhere.

Once more, giving your undivided attention to your lover, you shake your head, speaking with conviction and determination. "I'm not leaving your side, my love."

Ivar frowns and winces. "I want you to... be safe..." He mutters with great effort, clearly in terrible pain. "It makes... no difference if... if you stay. I'm..." He squeezes his eyes shut, and you're suddenly aware of how pale he is, his hand on your arm now ice cold. He eventually speaks again, his breathing ragged and shallow. "I'm going to... die anyway. Y/N," his voice is choked, and your eyes are full of tears, "I'm...dying."

He's right. He's dying. There's no denying it. As heartbreaking as this thought may be, it is no less true. You've been in enough battles, seen enough fatal injuries to not delude yourself. With a wound that bad, there's no chance of survival. Absolutely none. You know it won't take long.

But it doesn't change a single thing. How could you leave him here, in this foreign land, surrounded by strangers – by enemies? How could you? You don't want to be safe, you want to be with him, as long as you can.

You may not be able to save him, but you can be there. You want to be there.

I will not lose you to a world that doesn't care

To the monsters that would have you.

Your hand cups his face as you swallow thickly, blinking back tears. "And I want to be here. I won't leave you alone." The pain in your heart is such that you can hardly speak. Taking the deepest breath you can, you then bite your inner cheek so hard that you can taste the blood in your mouth. "You're not alone, my love. You don't have to face this alone."

Ivar's eyes are closed, and for a moment, you're not sure he heard you. If you're being honest, you're not sure he's still there with you, even if he's still breathing.

But then, his eyelids flutter open, revealing glassy eyes. There's no more light in them; no more fight. "Not today..." He mumbles, despair clear in his voice. And suddenly his face crumples and his eyes are full of tears and you can almost physically feel the panic coursing through his battered body. When he speaks, sobbing very hard, it's to say what you never thought you'd hear him say, his voice as shaky as your hand on his face.

"I'm afraid."

It rips your heart out.

"I'm afraid."

It tears you to pieces.

"I'm afraid."

It destroys you.

You hiccup, a hand moving to cover your mouth. You want to take his pain away, you want to die and let him live. Your head is spinning, you're dying from the inside, you're not sure you can do it, but you have to. You know you have to.

So, gathering the courage you thought you didn't have, you nod. With tears rolling down your face, you swallow hard and say, "I won't tell anyone." Shaking with long, racking sobs, you try to smile. "No one will ever forget Ivar the Boneless. And I will never forget you, my love."

The fear in his haunted eyes almost unbearable, you can just soothe him, a reassuring hand on his cheek. Your tears join his, splashing on his face as you whisper again and again. "You're not alone, my love... I'm right here, next to you... You're not alone..." Sliding your arm under his head, you clumsily lie down next to him, curling your limbs around his body, cradling him.

Never surrender you, I always be there

I will be there to wrap myself around you.

And then, with a last gasp, your lover stops breathing.

And your whole world just shatters around you over and over and over...

Time loses all meaning.

You can't move.

Can't think.

Can't cry.

Can't feel.

He's gone.

And you realize you never had a chance to tell him...

He's gone.

Tagging: @waiting4inspiration @honestsycrets @lisinfleur @saldelys @gearhead66 @inforapound @readsalot73 @milkkygirls @xbellaxcarolinax @shannygoatgruff @zuxiezendler @a-mess-of-fandoms @hecohansen31 @lonewolf471 @ivarthebloodyking @fuckindiva @tgrrose @didiintheblog @peachyboneless @pieces-by-me @funmadnessandbadassvikings @ethereallysimple @destynelseclipsa @cocovikings23 @xceafh @mrsalwayswrite @deans-ch-ch-cherrypie @pomegranates-and-blood @jadelynlace @grimeundglow @quantumlocked310 @fuchsiagrasshopper

[writingcore]

love is tragic | Reiner Braun x Reader

summary; the death of the reader. instead of Sasha, it is the reader who takes the hit to save her and only realizing Gabi was the one did it. After math of Reiner finding out. Also small flashbacks. 

disclaimers/warnings; angst. takes place in s4 ep8. Spoilers!! mentions of blood and shot. Reader presents as female.

a/n; I had this idea in my head for the longest time, I wasn't planning on writing this, but here I am.

 You wouldn't call yourself a “traitor” sometimes you thought, overthink it. You were just like them, the Warriors; yet so different, you were no titan. The only thing that made you a traitor was the beginning days of being in Paradis since the attack. And the day you return to Marley was hell. You never expected something so early to happen. Being protective over Reiner as time, days, and years went by. Just because he was the Armored Titan didn't change the fact, you both were still in love since the traitoring years. But that was gone, no more.

The scouts were the ones to call you a “traitor” when you were taken back to your homeland. They weren't devils; they never were devils. The knowledge that Marley spoke about them were untrue. So when the day came, having to bump into the scouts ... never in mind, you had thought. You had explain yourself, hoping for them to understand and Shockingly they did. Shortly after that day, you had packed up your things and went back to Paradis. You made sure to write a letter for Reiner after he got back from meetings and along with his cousin and the kids that were fond of him. 

⠀

⠀

Looking at the small home you both shared, you felt like this was the wrong idea but deep down, it wasn't.  

⠀

The years took off, The day Marley was officially attack by Eren Jeager. Maybe this was it. There was no time, for your words to get to Reiner, hell, you didn’t know if he was still even alive. The thought of it, hurt you. You shook it off. The noises of gunshots were going left and right. The gear the rest wore, were different. It was a nice change. 

Jean and the others were handling the Cart titan, as it taken down. The group was retreating back to the airship, not knowing that the small Braun managed to get herself inside along with Falco trying to stop her. Sasha was the one who had mention it to the rest of the group. “Hey, quiet!” Jean shouted, as they all did and bang! -- “Sasha!” You had shouted, pushing out her the way. The way your body reacted from something you couldn't control, but you had saved your dearest friend from her death. You had taken a step back and fell with a loud thud.

The shot had hit in a place, you knew that you weren't going to survive this fight. Because your fight was over. “Shit! Hey! Stay with us, stay with me!” Jean shouted to you, but you couldn't. The pain was real, the blood covered your body and it began to rush. It wasn't stopping. The memories was yours truly were coming back ... how you wished you could've stayed with him a little longer.

⠀

⠀

“I'm going to marry her, one day” Reiner spoke, the way he talked about the small petite blonde girl was something you wished he thought about you and made you feel the admiration but that wasn't you. “who? the girl who’s completely out of your league? and who’s also in love with someone else?”  pointing it out as he snickered. “Yeah, sure” Before he got up and left you. 

⠀

another memory came.

⠀

The confession was out of the blue, being in Marley, knowing you couldn't be with him. “I'm in love with you!” the shout was loud, he froze, his eyes widen. He wasn’t sure what came over you, was it a joke? you continued. “For the longest time, I never once saw you weak, When we were younger, you inspired me .. but at the end, I was still nothing ... I was always by your side, I noticed more than you think. But Me? Her? I just couldn't say.” Reiner came close to you, cupping your face and went in for a passion kiss. “But not to me” He slightly smile, before grabbing your hand.

⠀

⠀

But now here you were. Sasha had wrapped the badges around your upper body, but nothing seemed to stop the blood. It just kept going. “It keeps going, it won’t stop!” Sasha voiced cracked, hearing jean cursed under his breath. Your skin was starting to become pale, your eyes becoming dull, your breathing became unsteady and slow. You tried to speak, but nothing came out. “Don't try to speak, I’ll be right back. I have to take care of these kids and make them pay for what they did.” You also knew how everyone was protective over you and each other, before the shot; you had taken a glimpse of the kids. One of them was Gabi. She was the one who shot the sniper trigger.

Never expecting to get shot by the cousin of your beloved. Even Gabi knew who she just had shot, the regret in her eyes shown. She only met you couple of times with Reiner and was already fond of you till the first day of meeting. 

⠀

⠀

“Reiner! Reiner! Who’s this” the little girl asked, as you stood there next to Reiner. “This is (Y/N) ... someone who I've been together with for quite some time now and please Gabi, get along with her” She nodded her head and began asking questions left and right. Knowing this was going to be a long day. But it wasn't the worse.

⠀

⠀

Connie and Sasha were hovered over you, watching you mainly. They couldn't see you like this. The fact, they knew about you and Reiner was possibly be something hard for them to speak and tell him. You tried to speak again but the only thing that came out was “Rei...” as your eyes closed, your breathing stopped. Both of you friends had began crying as they shook you to wake up, nothing worked. Connie was the first to rushed over the doors where The Commander Hange, Captain Levi, Zeke, Eren, Mikasa, Armin, Jean and the kids. “(Y/N) is dead.” Mikasa and Armin ran to your lifeless body and shouted and cried for you to come back. But that wasn't going to happen.

⠀

⠀

Till that day forward, Reiner met up and teamed up with the alliances, the only thing was he couldn't find was you. The rest of them are here. Jean, Mikasa, Armin ... but you? no longer here. “Hey! are you going to tell me where the hell she is!?” Reiner shouted while nobody had seemed to recover from that moment. “I'm sorry, Reiner. She’s no longer here with us. This little girl had gotten into our airship and had targeted Sasha but she pushed her out the way and took the bullet.” Jean explained, the blonde couldn't believe what he was hearing, you? dead? no. Tears began to fill Reiner eyes. “We also believe that little girl was your cousin. Gabi Braun.” That's when he completely was shattered and broke down. Yet, you were in a better place. He never got to kiss you goodbye on the day you left him, he will never be able to sleep knowing you're not there by his side.

⠀

⠀

⠀

⠀

⠀ ⠀ ⠀ Dear, Reiner Braun.

⠀ As I’m writing this to you, you’re probably angry. I know ⠀ and I’m sorry that it had to be this way. Just know that the next ⠀ time you see me ... I’ll always be your side, even when it’s all ⠀ ⠀wrong. Once this war is over, I would love to start a family with ⠀ you. You and I both know how much you would love that. And I ⠀ ⠀would love to give you that; when the world is finally at peace. ⠀ ⠀ You and I weren’t perfect but I’ve never felt this way about anyone before I’ve met you. Please live a life you could be proud ⠀ ⠀ ⠀ ⠀ ⠀ of, it isn’t over. Till then ... I’ll meet you soon.

⠀ ⠀ ⠀ ⠀ ⠀ ⠀ ⠀ ⠀ ⠀ Love, (Y/N) (L/N)

⠀

⠀

⠀

⠀

[smallblip]

You asked, I deliver! Part II of Accidental baby acquisition💖 I lost one of the asks 😩 but anon who asked about baby Udo, I named the baby in your honour! Saddle up cowboys! I’m not good with sequels but here we are-

Babygate:

the scandal that implies that a certain boy band member cheated on his partner (another band member) and had a kid even when the mom was never pregnant.

- urban dictionary

—

Reiner thinks things are alright. Life is definitely picking up. Pieck still sends him excerpts of her dirty fanfiction to proofread, Bertholdt is still doing all he can to “retire at 30”, Annie might have eloped with said boyfriend. But he’s seeing Porco on the regular now, he’s really cute, he’s got a nice ass. Reiner can’t complain.

He’s also recently donated his Levi Ackerman standee. Only because it’s getting increasingly hard to reconcile the fact that he has a life sized cutout of his colleague’s boyfriend in his room.

What he can complain about is said colleague (and friend) dropping bombs on him. He’s one of the moderators of one of the bigger No Name servers. Sometimes he wonders if that’s a conflict of interest because, well, he knows the guy on a first name basis. But today he has other concerns. He sees his notifications blowing up and decides to go on the No Name server. And lo and behold. There’s a paparazzi shot of Levi and Hanji with a stroller taking a walk in a new channel called “MYSTERY FAMILY?”.

He cancels his plans with Porco. “Don’t text me for the next few hours, got a fire to fight.” He clicks send, and feels kinda bad, so he sends Porco really dank meme to appease him. (That doesn’t stop Porco from doing exactly what Reiner told him not to do and demanding an explanation every five minutes).

He forces himself to take a deep breath before texting Hanji-

“Hanji… I don’t mean to be rude but…

WHAT THE FUCK?”

—

So here begins babygate. A conspiracy theory that took the Internet by storm.

“Levi Ackerman had a secret marriage! He was keeping this from us from the start!”

“It’s a publicity stunt to keep No Name relevant during their hiatus!”

“It’s an elaborate scheme by the company to punish Levi for announcing the hiatus without their knowledge!”

“Levi’s mystery partner was sent by the lizard people to take control of his mind and produce half-lizard, half-human hybrid babies to take over the world! What a bitch!” (This is Hanji’s favourite).

And the internet’s favourite- this is all an elaborate scheme to cover up the scandalous love affair between Levi and Eren- the band’s guitarist.

“What the fuck?” Levi had said during dinner once, to which Reiner had to swallow his food and pretend he never read or actively looked up ereri content. Yes. Reiner knows the name of their ship.

Levi hadn’t been too worried before, but when pictures of them shopping for baby stuff leaked online, something snaps. Something snaps and Erwin tells him he needs more time to figure out the biggest PR crisis in No Name history.

It’s Levi. Levi is the PR crisis.

So in the meantime, no shock reveals, no more social media, (if possible) no more leaving the house with pregnant girlfriend in tow. “Don’t do ANYTHING.” Erwin had said, “especially not you!” Erwin had directed that at Eren, who suggested he makes an announcement. Erwin shudders. He remembers all the past scandals they got themselves into just because Eren, bless him, didn’t know when to shut up.

“I’m sorry…” Levi says to Hanji when they’re cuddled up on the couch watching a documentary on whale migration.

“Huh?” Hanji says, voice muffled through her incessant sniffling because “whales are delivered tail first, Levi! They wear their mothers like hats!”

He apologises for putting her through the mess that is him and his job. And Hanji smiles at him. He wonders if their kid will look like her. He’s hoping they would.

“Levi…” Hanji sighs, taking his face in her hands, “that night at the bar I thought to myself ‘this man has a face I would risk it all for’… I think this counts within the realms of ‘all’”

Levi scoffs, but a smile is threatening the corners of his lips. Erwin’s nagging over the phone fades a little and he sinks a little lower into the couch. He sighs one more time for good measure before saying-

“So… you wanna know which my favourite babygate theory is?”

—

“And you’re really not bothered by all this?” Reiner asks, in an emergency meeting that he had scheduled into her calendar. He hates that he’s packing things into her already busy schedule when she’s about to pop but, he figures it’s better now than when the baby’s actually out. He had booked a meeting room and everything, figuring if he projected some of the crazy shit they’re saying on the fan boards up on screen, Hanji would start taking this seriously. Because if Reiner knows anything, it’s that the fans will do anything to keep their ship afloat.

He scrolls past another post on the lizard people and Hanji gets him to pause.

“I mean… A little?” Hanji pinches her fingers together.

“Hanji…” Reiner sighs, “you and Levi discuss and rate babygate conspiracy theories you find online I don’t think you’re taking this seriously at all…”

Hanji looks at Reiner- an absolute state of panic. And she considers panicking for a moment. She’s read articles dissecting babygate and although they’re absolutely batshit, Hanji appreciates how well-researched they are. Which is a little scary. To be fair to Levi, he’s been trying to get her to worry. “I can’t keep you safe all the time, you have to be careful” like he’s going off to war somewhere. But it’s not in Hanji nature to worry about things like this. She’s a researcher at a lab who lived an ordinary life up until the point the universe hit her with a-

Sike! Levi Ackerman is your baby daddy! What are you gonna do about it?

And now she knows what headcanons and lemons are, and she really doesn’t know what to do with that knowledge. So Hanji decides, she’ll do nothing. She’ll go on indulgently long walks Levi in tow, she’ll talk his ear off about work. And like a good girlfriend, she’ll listen to his demos (and enjoy them) and tell him “are you sure anger rhymes with danger?”.

“I don’t really know how to worry about anything beyond our samples getting contaminated…” Hanji says, sheepish. Reiner sighs. He doesn’t want to be a wet blanket on Hanji’s life. He wants to be fun Reiner. Cool as a cucumber. Reiner who manages to make it through dinner at Hanji’s without having to excuse himself to hyperventilate in her bathroom because Levi is right there. And he’s so afraid that he might just be able to read his mind and find out he had looked up Levi Ackerman x y/n fanfiction once in his foolish youth (youth being approximately four months back)

Reiner shudders.

“Yeah okay… That’s um… That’s cool… Right?” He says.

Hanji shrugs.

—

So Levi Ackerman is your baby daddy. Now what?

You go into labour of course, with a matter of fact- “oh. Look Levi. The water broke.” All while refusing to leave the house until you demolish that amazing sandwich he made for you. You go into labour and you yell and grunt like a beast as you squeeze the life out of your baby daddy because he kinda deserves it. You both kinda deserve this pain. Take it as heavenly punishment for being horny and stupid if you will.

And in the middle of it Hanji thinks huh, this feels like a mix of a reality TV show from MTV and a badly written fanfiction. Except Hanji isn’t a teen mom and she’s too old for self-insert fiction that involves a lead singer of a popular band.

But Levi is here, and he doesn’t complain one bit even though he looks like he’s about to pass out. So as far as drunken one night stands go- this is pretty damn aspirational.

The baby enters the world with a huge cry.

“Kid’s got a huge set of lungs…” Levi says, but his own voice is quivering.

“Just like her dad…” Hanji smiles.

As he watches Hanji fall asleep with their baby on her chest, Levi thinks fuck it. Fuck keeping this under wraps. Fuck the fans and them enjoying how Eren gets on his nerves. Fuck Erwin and his “Levi. You’re giving me a headache. You are the cause of this headache.” Because the baby has Hanji’s nose and his eyes and he loves them more than anything in the world.

He snaps a picture of them and tags bigdaddyzoë-

“Welcome to the world, my love.”

—

Reiner can’t help the tears that well in his eyes after seeing the picture Hanji had sent him of the baby-

“He says hi to his favourite uncle!” Was the caption, and Reiner could only reply with a crying cat meme and an incoherent text that Hanji favourites.

He’s on the bus on the way to the hospital when his phone buzzes incessantly. It’s Porco.

“REINER WHAT THE FUCK.”

“LEVI ACKERMAN IS HANJI ZOË’S BABY DADDY?”

“HANJI ZOË MY PHD SUPERVISOR?”

“LEVI ACKERMAN OF NO NAME?”

“REINER WHAT THE FUCK?”

He sends a reply at the entrance of the hospital-

“Welcome to my world”

—

Reiner thinks things are alright. He’s one of the moderator of one of the bigger No Name servers, so he can block and remove people at his discretion. Some days he lets it get to his head. It makes him feel like a king. But today, he’s putting out fires.

Erwin decided their PR strategy was absolutely no strategy, because “they’re zooming in on the pixels Levi. Once they doubt the pixels, they won’t believe anything we’re saying”. With that. Babygate has officially taken on a life of its own. Eren still sends Levi babygate articles to annoy him, and to Hanji because she asked very nicely. Hanji thinks Erwin’s strategy makes sense, Levi thinks it’s just lazy. But Erwin framed a certificate that says “survived a PR crisis (sort of)” that Hanji had insisted be hung up on their wall, so that closes one chapter. Besides, Eren has been spotted going out on dates with a mystery girl. Which has the double effect of diverting attention away from Levi and exacerbating babygate because “see? Told you the company’s doing all they can to prove they’re not together!”

“Can’t you keep it in your pants?” Levi had thrown at Eren, to which he had responded cleverly with a-

“Could’ve said the same for you!”

Touché…

“See? That can’t be Levi! Look at how he’s smiling!”

“That can’t be a baby! Looks like an animatronic to me!”

“Do they even make animatronics that realistic?”

Reiner pins his “no slander” rule- one day they’ll get it. Or at least he would’ve gotten rid of all the people that don’t.

“Who’s this bigdaddyzoë anyway?”

“Maybe she isn’t real? Company probably invented her…”

“Heard she’s a crazy groupie who got knocked up…”

“Heard she’s hot…”

… several people are typing

—

“So… I heard from Reiner you were defending my honour in the server?” Hanji quirks an eyebrow.

Levi shrugs. Whatever goes down in the server stays between Leviackerman173810 (leviackerman and all 173809 permutations of said username had already been taken) and the hundreds of people who haven’t quite figured out he’s the real deal. Besides, Erwin has issued him three warnings so it’s best to lay low for now.

“My hero…” Hanji chuckles, pressing a kiss on Levi’s head. Below them, baby Udo wriggles and yawns against the fabric of Levi’s shirt. Cute.

So Levi Ackerman is your baby daddy. Now what? You look at your son and know he’s going to break hearts like his father of course. And if you’re Levi, you pray to god he never asks about babygate because Hanji has read up enough about it to be considered a connoisseur.

One day the internet will break when they find out the identity of bigdaddyzöe. But for now baby Udo has his parents wrapped around his tiny fingers and he doesn’t quite understand the concept of him being the spawn of every typical band member x y/n fanfiction. Or the centre of a very popular, very absurd, yet strangely believable internet conspiracy theory. Or the canon plot that has sunk one of the biggest No Name ships. And that’s okay.

[staygolddindjarin]

Grief

Chapter Six: First Loss P1

Din Djarin x Reader x Cassian Andor

Series Summary: Raised on Mandalore, born into a bloodline of warriors, no one ever expected for the daughter of a Clan leader to go rogue. Leaving the life of security and making the journey to fight in the war against the empire meant many things... giving up the way of the Mandalore, and giving up a solid future. A future that involves an arranged marriage to a foundling from another clan.

Chapter Warnings: death, danger, yearning

Words: 3.1k

A/n: Kinda angsty, not as angsty as p2 gonna be... be warned now folks

Part 6/?

Going on missions had become a regular deal over the next year or two. It was something that kept me busy, kept my mind from straying. It kept my mind maturing into the strong adult I had become.

The time spent thinking about my old life dwindled down significantly, and some days I didn't even remember my home planet, but the only thing that always remained was Din. He was always a constant inside my head, something that sometimes distracted me from missions, amongst other things. Even just sitting through a conversation had been a hard task, trying to focus on the boring words of other crewmates or commanders. I would eventually doze off and sometimes would have to snap out of it in order to actually gain information.

I spent a lot of time with my bunk mate when I could, she had a lot of stories that helped me get more acquainted with the rebellion, get comfortable. Some of those stories had battle scars, and Cara wore them well. She seemed like the person who could survive an attack by an imperial battalion without a scratch.

She was also a good mentor, giving advice on fighting in battle. Though I had been given extensive Mandalorian battle training, it was nice to have a refresher along with a few helpful tips for actually being in the field.

I didn't get to go on many missions with her, though I did share quite a few with my old friend Merc. He was a good soldier and somehow always ended up in the same squads as I did.

My piloting days had become more often, and I even got to run a few missions in an X wing. It was an older model, but flew just as steady as the rest of them did. I wasn't always confident with the trigger, so usually I just flew as a diversion. Perhaps that's why they mainly kept me on transport missions.

Today specifically, I had taken two TIE fighters on a wild goose chase until the other crewmates had made the bomb drop. The bomb squad had snuck in and out while I had distracted the pilots of the star destroyer, making them to only send two little ships out on me. Once we hit the explosives, the fighters no longer were interested in me, and had taken off towards the nearest planet to avoid getting gunned down. Little did they know I was uneasy with the trigger.

I brought my ship into the landing platform, pulling it into it's place before cutting the engine and lifting the hatch.

Some whistles could be heard, and few cheers for me and the bomb squad for carrying out our mission with success. I pulled my helmet off, letting my static clinging hair fall messily to my shoulders before climbing out of the cockpit and onto the lift beside me. I flicked my wrist to activate my hologram, telling what time it was. Late. It was very late in the night.

As my feet hit the dirt of the ground beneath me, I let out a deep breath, knowing the first place I would be heading to would be the freshener. Or at least it would have been if a certain someone hadn't caught my eye.

Off to the side of the landing pads, I could see a familiar jacket, with the rebellion emblem on the shoulder of it. He seemed to be finishing up a conversation with General Organa and his daughter. She was someone I'd seen around the base a few times, though she was young like me, she had a heart like her father, and would very well take over in his place someday.

I sauntered over to where he was standing just as the two Organas walked away.

"Hey, did you see that pilot in the drop mission tonight? Heard she was pretty good," I joked, having him turn around with a smile. He didn't normally smile to other people like he did to me... he would sometimes smirk, but never truly smile like he was doing right now. It was a strange but welcome contrast to his normal facial expressions anyways.

"You were great," He nodded, causing me to giggle like a child. He grabbed my hand and pulled it towards him, just holding it between his hands, a habit he'd gotten into over the months. "Still not sure why you've never used the canons though. They could help you incase of danger."

"I'm not a fan of shooting stuff... Besides, even if I wanted to, with the way I fly, I could never get a good shot within range," I explained. He came a little closer to me and let go of my hand, letting it fall by my side. With his now free hand, he pulled me closer by my waist.

I wasn't really sure what the relationship between me and Cassian was, but it was changing by the day, becoming more personal, more intimate than it had ever been.

"I know you don't wanna kill anyone, but if it came down to you or them, I would hope you'd pull the trigger," He said, making me nod and glance up at him. He was looking at me so intently, but I couldn't bring myself to lean in closer. Instead, I changed the subject.

"What did the general have to say?" I nodded to where the Organas stood now, talking and making more arrangements with other people I would assume.

"There's a new tip off, someone from the ground who's non imperial. Says there's an imp base on the edge of his village. They've been invaded with troopers, so I figure we pull another operation like the one back on Krownest. We get in, hit them heavy, then get out." He explained, but I had a question in mind that he already seemed to know, as he went about answering it. "He's already got a group of volunteers, but he was wondering if I could round up a few more."

"Are you gonna go?" I questioned, furrowing my brows as I spoke.

"I'm going to run point over the troops, as requested by the General," He informed me, making me smile for two reasons. One: the general was now asking him personally to operate as a commander on the mission, and two:

"I'll volunteer, as long as you still need troops."

He smiled again, not a smirk but a genuine smile.

"I'll tell the general... but you should head back to your bunk for the night, it's late and you need rest," He said, letting his hands run up and down my arms before pulling back for me to leave.

"It's late for you too, y'know."

"I didn't just fly a three hour mission," He argued back.

"I didn't just fly a three hour mission," I mumbled mockingly on my way out of the lading zones and into the long stretched hallway of bunks.

"I heard that."

-

After I got out of the freshener, I put on a more comfortable set of clothes for the night, and got ready for the mission of climbing into my bed. Even after all this time it was a struggle. Usually my bunkmate would give me a leg up, but she had been out on a debriefing for the evening and hadn't been back yet, which was definitely an inconvenience, due to my lack of energy after the long day.

I reached up and got a firm grip on the bed mat, pulling myself as far as I could before attempting to swing my leg up. I didn't even hear the door slide open while I was so focused on getting in bed.

"Need some help?" Cara stood, leaning in the doorway when I looked over.

"You have impeccable timing, my friend," I said, waiting for her to give me a boost, which she gladly did, before chuckling to herself at my former struggle.

"I try."

I laid back into my warm blanket that I brought here from Mandalore, making a mental note to get it cleaned of the slight stench before getting comfortable. I wrapped myself up and closed my eyes before hearing Cara's low voice again.

"So what were you and your boyfriend talking about?"

"What?" I asked, my eyes shooting awake at the mention of the word boyfriend.

"Andor. He was getting all cozy with you on the landing pad. What did he say?"

"First of all, he's not my boyfriend," I paused, not wanting to speak the next part through a yawn. "Second, I didn't know you were watching, and third... there's a new mission coming up. Said he needed volunteers, so I did."

"Does he still need some?" She asked, and I could tell she was beginning to get tired as well.

"I think so."

"Tell him I'll do it," She murmured, sitting down in her bed after kicking off her boots in the corner of the room.

"You tell him, I'm going to bed," I said, yawning yet again and proving my exhaustion.

"I meant tomorrow."

"Oh... yeah, okay."

She mumbled some other words, but they were far gone in my ears as I faded into darkness and sleep overtook me.

-

"You know there aren't any girls watching you, right?" I side stepped around Merc, who was speedily doing pushups in the middle of the combat room.

"Yup. Don't distract me," He said, his breaths a little uneven due to his speed of movement.

"Distract you from what?" I crossed my arms, raising my brow as I sat down on the ground in front of him.

"My zone, I'm in it, and I don't wanna loose focus..." his arms began to get sweaty for how fast he was going, but he should have known that if he told me to do something I would clearly do the opposite. Now it was this morning's mission to distract him.

"Okay... so what's with the push ups? You tryna get buff like a bothan?" I let out, leaning on my hand in front of me, surprised that he hadn't cracked yet.

"I just wanna put a little muscle on, alright?"

Now this... this peaked my interest.

"Why?" I asked, a confused smirk spreading on my face.

"No reason, just wanna be a better soldier," He almost started slowing down in his pace for a second, as if he was thinking about it himself.

"I call chakaar kriff," I laughed, seeing as he finally stopped what he was doing, sitting back on his knees and staring at me with glaring eyes.

"Look, all the other guys were on me about how weak I was, I'm just trying to prove them wrong, alright?" He shook his head, standing up and then holding out a hand to pull me up as well. I was a little sad for him in all respects, because as suave and cool as he acted, sometimes things got to him.

"I'm sure they don't mean any harm by it, they're probably just poking fun at you like some of the guys back home," Once I was on my feet, I followed him over to some of the stuffed cargo sacks that they had strung up from the ceiling for recruits to practice on.

"Even if they are just joking, I would rather get myself in shape so I don't have to find out." He said, beginning to land hits on the rough material, watching it swing back and forth as he punched it.

I rolled my eyes, knowing how persistent he could be. Once he had an idea of doing something, there was little to nothing that could stand in his way of achieving it, he was like me in that way, like a lot of Mandalorians, actually. I wanted to change the subject, possibly gain some information.

"Have you been given the rundown on the imperial raid mission?" I asked, knowing that just last night he had volunteered along with the rest of his drop crew.

"Not really, why? Have you?" He furrowed his eyebrows, still not stopping his pattern of punches in a row.

"No, I've been asking around, but no one really knows much," I replied, leaning against the post I was next to.

"Not even your boyfriend?"

"Why does everyone keep calling him that? He's my captain," I sighed heavily, seeing the smirk on his face forming.

"Well let's just say your 'captain' is very fond of you," He laughed, taking a small break before going at it again, beginning a new pattern with his hands.

"I don't get it," I tilted my head, confused. I didn't like to think of myself as oblivious, for I noticed a great many deal of things, but no way did I ever even get a whiff of what my friends had mentioned. Cassian was the closest friend I'd come to have on this base, and he had truly helped me to feel like I belonged, that much was true... but to feel for him like I felt for Din? And him having those same feelings? It was far fetched, even for me.

"If you haven't noticed, captain Andor isn't exactly a ray of sunshine... except for around you," He kind of dropped the last part into a murmur, but I had heard it loud and clear.

"So what, you're saying I change his mood?" I didn't exactly know how to take his words, maybe I was being oblivious. I didn't think so. I knew that I could manipulate Cassian's actions, but I hadn't done that in a long time, so where was all this coming from?

"More like he bends to your will," Merc said, landing one more hard punch onto the sand weighted sack before letting it swing for a while on its own.

"That's ridiculous. Maybe he's just happy with my mission status, I mean he did teach me a lot, he's probably just proud of my achievements."

"I could not disagree more. I don't know how you don't see it."

I sighed, dropping my head and trying to think of some situations where his words might make sense. First of all, his words stung, secondly, why couldn't I see what he did? Was I just in denial?

"I just don't..." I trailed off, raising my head to see Merc open his flask and chug water from it.

"Okay, then try it next time."

"Try what?"

"Ask him to do something for you, anything. See if he refuses, I bet you he won't," He said, taking off into another part of the training room and leaving me behind to think.

-

I wasn't sure what it was I was going to ask Cassian to do for me. Of course I was going to ask, because I needed to know if it was true, and apparently everyone was seeing things except for me. Even Gander approached me in the mess hall for breakfast teasing me about it.

My morning ground scan was close approaching, so I went to the tarmac, pulling on my orange suit as I went, zipping it up once I reached my ship. It wasn't truly mine, for I shared it with two other pilots when they would go out and I was told to stay. I however commandeered it more often than they did, so it was only natural that I claimed it as my own.

Once I had completely suited up, I climbed the short latter they kept by most of the ships, pulling myself up and into it's cockpit. I pulled my helmet on and lowered the top over my head, letting one of the technical workers lock it closed for me. They tapped on the glass a few times before I flipped on the engine and turned on the comms.

"Ground control to red nine, proceed to outside tarmac," They said, opening the large doors of the holding unit to allow me to leave.

"Copy that," I smiled, driving the ship outside and turning on my thrusters.

"Red nine, you are clear for take off," They responded again, to which I didn't respond, only began to fly.

I loved my morning area scans, even if they were only for surveillance, they brought me a sense of peace. They calmed me down.

Now usually, I didn't have much on my mind when I was cruising over the trees of Dantooine, but today was different. It may not have been, if it weren't for the words of Merc, Gander and Cara.

They didn't say much, but yet it somehow made my brain construct an entire ordeal that I could possibly think about for days. It's unfair what those type of suggestions can do to the human mind.

As I made it to the edge of the land that the rebels were in possession over, I was readying my engines for the quick turn around I would make, but something caught my eye.

I flew a bit past the land borders, getting closer to what I saw, not yet recognizing what it was at first. I went closer, seeing a form begin to take shape but I still didn't know what it was.

"Red nine you crossed the border, is everything okay?" The smooth and laid back voice of the guy running ground control filled the cockpit, making me glance to my comms for a small moment.

"I gotta visual on something, hold on one sec and I'll check it out," I replied, steering a bit sideways so I could get a good look.

"Copy that."

The closer I got, I began to feel the vibrations in the air of what seemed to be heavy machinery moving itself. I flew in about a hundred feet more before I recognized it.

"Kriffing hell..." I mumbled before the voice of ground control came in again.

"Red nine, what do you see?"

I was about to speak when suddenly I was fired on, barely managing to maneuver in time. Two TIE fighters emerged from behind me and I started weaving back and forth best I could to lose them.

"It's a walker! Ground control I have two fighters on my six!" I tried to stay calm, but my voice he conveyed nothing but panic. Leading two small ships away from my fleet was one thing, but single handedly facing down an AT-AT was not necessarily on my to do list.

"Red nine we are sending back up, try and fly down in the trees," The smooth and collected tone had vanished from the man's voice, and in the background I was able to hear the sirens of the base go off.

I looked ahead and the AT-AT was fast approaching, and something else I spotted was the star destroyer, lurking in the distance of the atmosphere.

"We got a little problem..." I dropped my ship lower trying to avoid getting shot down and taking a bit of shelter from a tree. "There's a destroyer approaching."

All I heard for a moment was silence, not from outside my ship, but from the comms. I was almost surprised to have gotten a response at all.

"Alright we got a code red, I repeat, code red. Backup is on the way to help with the fighters, but once they go down all ships must return to the base."

Shoot, code red was evacuation. We were leaving this base. I made a harsh turn, causing the TIE fighters to struggle in following me, but they were soon right back on my behind. It was a miracle I hadn't been shot down yet.

Thank the maker I heard other X-wings fast approaching, and could try and make it back to base. I heard the explosion of one ship behind me and only took a glance to see that it was in fact an imp that went down in the fire. I relaxed just a bit, keeping my eye on the base land border, I heard a shot be fired and looked back to see who shot it only to be met with the sensation of falling. When I got close to the ground I tried to pull up, but it was too late, my controls were busted.

I hit the ground, and everything went black.

.

.

Tags (open):

@abysshaven @arwendjarin @yoshiplush

[thestarsoutofyourwindow]

Forbidden Library - The Doctor x Reader

This was written with 11 in mind, but you can easily see it as 10, so it’s your preference! I wrote this as a description experiment, then tried to apply some story to it. I’ve been trying to master character/body language too, so this took a while to write because I just couldn’t settle on anything, so I just gave up. If this does well I may do a part two, and I’ll try to make it more romancy. Word Count: 2,161 Summary: You hear a book fall whilst in the library and go to investigate. You stumble upon a book that answers the questions you’ve been asking yourself for a long time, but you just can’t bring yourself to lie to the Doctor about it. Warnings: Time War heavily referenced, Comforting the Doctor, A lot of description, You find it hard to lie, Reassuring the Doctor.

All of time and space, he said. Wherever, whenever, and home in time for tea.  The Doctor has always been a bit of an enigma to you. You knew practically nothing about him, yet if anyone had asked, you would consider him one of your closest friends. However, whether or not you're the sort to ask questions, you had a feeling he isn't as honest as you'd like to believe.

The first time you had asked him about his people and planet, he ignored you completely, babbling about the asteroid you were supposed to be visiting. The second time you had asked, he dodged around it, giving you a half-arsed response. All he told you is that his race died out a long, long time ago and that there was a war. After that, he excused himself, and you couldn't bring yourself to mention it to him again.

You had to admit, that puzzled you: you had believed it to be a sensitive subject, so of course, you left it there. No matter how curious you were, you're not going to force The Doctor into reliving anything he'd rather not. But sometimes it did keep you up at night. The Doctor had never seemed like the fighting sort, but something about his recount didn't settle right with you. You weren’t sure what. Usually, on those nights where you end up in an hours-worth of conversation with the TARDIS, you would truly realise how much you thought about it. As weird as it sounded, you felt she was listening as she would often click or whirr in response. You felt insane the first time you did it, but the longer you spoke to her, the more normal it felt. You hardly mentioned your conversations to the Doctor, but whenever you did, he only grinned to himself.

"Doctor?" You peeked into the library. It was, and always will be, the most impressive library you had ever seen. There were cherry-wood bookshelves, that stood towering over you, each shelf overfilled with beloved, worn books. The library was like a maze, asides from the sitting area where a few chairs huddled around a fake-fireplace, there was an indeterminable quantity of shelves. The rest of the library was lit up by fairy lights, which looked as if to be a new addition to the systematic chaos, making the already supernal library look even more mystical. According to the Doctor, the TARDIS has full management over the configuration and layout of the bookshelves, sort of like the Hogwarts stairs. There were step-ladders haphazardly scattered throughout the library. There was the occasional ivy plant that had grown and twisted down the bookshelves. One day you had been scrolling through Tumblr, and a post with ivy plants showed up on your feed. You talked about how cool that is to the TARDIS; within the next week ivy sprung up all over the place, including the kitchen. The Doctor made a passing remark about the ivy plants, and you confessed, alongside a frantic apology. He laughed, telling you it didn't bother him.

"Yeah, Y/n/n?" He mumbled, not so much as blinking away from his book. He hunched over it; his legs draped off the arm of the chair due to his inability to sit correctly. He nestled himself in a duvet, and which would be inconspicuous if not for his head poking out. "Have you seen... Woah. Fairy lights!" You smile, looking up at the tastefully draped lighting. "Is this your doing?" The Doctor asks ludicrously, turning to face towards you, gesturing over at the shelves, "I knew the TARDIS liked you, but this is getting ridiculous."

You chuckle for a moment before peering back at him, "I only came here to ask if you'd seen the book I left on the kitchen counter, but if you're going to criticise me so rudely, well I guess I'll go trip over something important." The Doctor grimaced at that, "That's really not necessary, I think... Yeah, I brought it in here with me earlier." He gestured the book out at you, over the back of the armchair. You stepped closer, about to take the book, when he pulled it away, his eyebrows furrowing. "Are you going to do some reading? If so, would you like to, um, maybe sit and join me?" "Yeah, why not?" You marvel, looking him dead in the eye. You walked around the chair and sat on the armchair next to his.

You cosied down and tried to focus on reading. However, your anxieties and considerations began cropping up again. You lost yourself in thought over what the Doctor keeps from you. Peeking up at the Doctor, you noticed his eyelids drooping. You watched attentively; you had never seen him asleep, oddly enough. His head, already tilted into his chest, slipped further. His tousled brown hair settled on his face, and his breathing eased. His grip on the book slackened. You remained there, admiring the sleepy face you had grown attached to over the months of touring time and space together.

Due to the endearing nature of his subtle breathing, you hardly realise the TARDIS clicking to get your attention. A distant thump draws you out of your hypnosis, the sound emanating from deep in the library. You stir noiselessly out of the armchair, as to not disturb your friend, and hesitantly edge towards the direction you assume it originated. You notice a small, cherry wood door in the wall between some bookshelves. Convinced you have never seen that door before, you approach the door. Stopping dead in your tracks for a moment, you take a moment to calm your nerves. The TARDIS would never let you get hurt, at least if she could help it. You reached your palm out towards the handle and, taking the TARDIS's silence for approval, enclose your hand around the metallic knob and twist.

Behind the door was what appeared to be the smaller section of the library, perhaps it's a study full of books the Doctor had just never taken back to the library? From what you could make out through the darkness, and the distinct smell of dust, the bookshelves were similarly themed to the ones outside. Although, these shelves are in a much smaller room, both vertically and horizontally. A desk was facing towards the door on your left, and a beanbag on the floor to your right.

You were about to close the door and leave, ready to call it his study and leave it at that. But as the door was half-closed, it dawned on you that the Doctor had never even mentioned this room, and the room appeared as though it had been undisturbed for a long time. This room would be pretty redundant, and the TARDIS surely would've reorganised the books onto the shelves, right? With that in mind, you re-entered the room, curiosity brimming in your eyes as you notice the book in the middle of the floor. It's TARDIS blue cover stood out like a sore thumb against the crimson carpet, regardless of how dark the room was. As you knelt to pick up the obscure book, the ceiling light flickered on.

"History of the Time Lords: All you need to know." You mumbled as you read. You habitually flip the book in your hands to read the blurb, the grey foiled text read, "From humble beginnings to the vicious politics of the time war, here is everything you need to know about the history of our civilisation." You checked to see if there is a contents page, of which there is. None of the chapters stood out, except for perhaps, Gallifrey Falls. It clicked in your mind that Gallifreyan must equate to Time Lord, at least to some extent. The Doctor had referred to himself as the last Time Lord.

You flip to the chapter and settle down on the floor, considering you may be there for some time.

And by god, you were. You read about everything from the potential causes, to the effects on the rest of the universe. What you paid the most attention to, however, was the Doctors' involvement. For the most part, he stayed out of the war, asides from helping the victims. But whoever had "restored" him, had pinned the continuing deaths on the Doctor and his lack of involvement, which had finally made him give in. The Doctor fought for literal decades on the front line.

No wonder he didn't want to talk about it.

You read on about the sacrifices he made and the Daleks. They always survived, no matter what he did. By the time you had wrapped up two or three chapters, you had worked yourself up. Even if you're not the emotional sort, just the thought of the Doctor having to go through all of that brought you to tears. You kept imagining the burden he must be carrying, keeping from you and Amy. The decisions he has made.

You stood up, the book still in your hands, and make your way back to where you had left the Doctor.

Upon re-entering that section of the library, it took you a moment to realise that your companion no longer huddled in the armchair. There was no trace of him. You hoped he had withdrawn to his room, and took a step towards his chair.  "Y/n!" A hand landed on your shoulder. You recoiled, whirling around to face the weary-eyed Doctor, pulling the large book to your chest, "There-... what's up?" "Nothing, I-I just thought you had gone to your room, is all. You scared me." You exhale a sigh of relief, gently laughing as you spoke. "What have you got there?" He scrutinised inquisitively, eyes pinned on the book you were gripping so tightly. "Oh, It's a book," The Doctor raised a brow at you and rolled his eyes, a smile on his cheeks, and you thoughtlessly added an, "Well, of course, it is, uh, it fell off a shelf in a sort of study room- I heard it and went to see what it was." You handed the book over sheepishly. It wasn't your book to keep, after all. You didn't want to admit it, but a part of you didn't want to lie to the Doctor, either.

He shifted the book about until he could comfortably read it; the moment his eyes darted back up to you, eyebrows curved upwards, smile extinct, you could've sworn something shattered behind his eyes. Noticing this, you couldn't stop yourself from clarifying, "I, I did read a bit of it, quite a lot actually- out of curiosity. Look, I'm, I'm so sorry. I didn't realise when I kept asking you about Gallifrey, and the war- if I'd known the half of it-" You paused, taking a deep breath and looking into his eyes, "Look, If you want me to forget about this, that's cool- I, erm, can just pretend this never happened, and I'll make sure to keep Amy/Donna off your ass about it," "Humans, you're so," The Doctor mutters exasperatedly, gesturing outwards with his hands, before sighing, he puts his hands on your shoulders, squeezing gently, "You know, Y/n. You don't have to stay. I get it, I really do. I killed my entire species, nothing co-" "Doctor. You cannot honestly tell me that it is your fault. I won't sit here and listen to you take the blame for something you avidly tried to avoid. From what I read, you tried to help- you swore to help, to make up for something out of your control," You rest your hands on his upper arm, shaking him gently as you speak, "You did your best, you did what you thought was the right thing, and most importantly, you saved the whole of time and space, again, from the Daleks and the Time Lords." The Doctor hesitated, lips pursing as he looked away. You offer him a hug, and he quickly accepts, his arms wrapping around your waist. You try your very best to make it the best hug you've ever given. You hold him firmly and flatten the back of his hair soothingly as you speak, "Treat yourself the way you'd treat someone else, you know? I know it's been a long time, but I need you to know that I'm not leaving you for doing the right thing." The Doctor took a shaky breath, "Yeah. Thank you." He breathily laughed, "I wish I had met you sooner." You smiled, "Well the day you figure out how, I will have prepared some very, strong words for you." He hummed in affirmation into your shoulder, "I'll have to work on that." The two of you just stood there for a bit, hugging each other. You impulsively touch a kiss against the Doctors temple as the two of you separate. 

[ice-cream-nekogirl]

you didn’t mean to say “I love you” (Bakugou Katsuki x Reader)

“I love you...”

“What...?” You asked incredulously, disbelief even in your expression as Katsuki just stared at you angrily, form trembling as if even he couldn’t believe the words he just said to you. But then his crimson eyes widened when he heard a snicker leave you as you chuckled and shook your head.

Summary: After everything that’s happened from the war with the Paranormal Liberation Front and after yet another brush with death, Katsuki finally tells you how he feels about you.

Pairing: Bakugou X Reader Warning: Language, angst, mentions of mental health issues, spoiler alerts for the recent chapters Word Count: 11.4 k

Happy early holidays y'all~. Been forever! But I managed to freaking do this! Let's see what else I can write out. :3 

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Fvj6PE3gN4o

You couldn’t stop the loud yawn leaving you as you fought your way out of a sleeping spell, because you reminded yourself that you couldn’t just fall asleep in a public park especially since you were out with your friends Izuku and Shoto, along with your puppy Taromaru. Whom looked up at you with a concerned little whine.

“Are you tired (Y/N)?” Shoto politely asked, just as concerned as your little puppy was because that was about the fifth time you’ve yawned, and yes, he kept count of it. “A bit… but that’s pretty normal for me.” You gave him a lopsided smile and shrugged your shoulders, even though that didn’t ease his concern, or Izuku’s as he looked at you with worried eyes. “Have you been sleeping well (Y/N)-chan?” He’s been one of your best friends alongside Katsuki, the three of you practically grew up together, and while Katsuki liked to keep his distance, you stuck by Izuku and gladly invited Shoto into your friend group and you liked to hang out with them. Katsuki on the other hand? As much as you adored your boyfriend, you knew that he preferred to be by himself and was easily annoyed whenever Izuku and Shoto were around, and with you especially. It’s been like that lately, but you didn’t get it, you just assumed Katsuki was being Katsuki. “Oh honey I haven’t slept well since I was in kindergarten.” You chuckled lightly, even though Izuku looked a little bit serious, and that made you sigh. “I know, I need to work on it… but honestly it’s just… a lot right now you know? Tests and… stuff… after everything… Guys… it’s been what? 6- or 7-months tops since we got out of a fucking war? And we’re still doing this bullshit? I just wish they’d give us a break but they’re not… makes me wonder just… how long and I keep going… in fact… sometimes I don’t even think I can… I can’t keep up with you guys… and that just… really makes me feel like garbage, worse than that… I just… if I close my eyes, I wish I could close them and skip through all of this…” 

Averting your eyes, you stared at your lap when you spoke up a little bit about how exhausted you were and how stressed out you had been feeling because it’s been too much for you. You and your friends literally survived the war with the Paranormal Liberation Front, and not everyone came out of it unscathed. There were things you were never going to unsee, your friend’s terrified faces, Aizawa-sensei’s prosthetic limb after cutting off his own leg, and then your Izuku and Katsuki barely coming out of it alive when the smoke eventually cleared.

You almost lost your best friends; you almost lost your Katsuki… There’s no way you were okay, and it was so hard to go to sleep at night sometimes when you thought too hard on it. It was so hard to even look at your boyfriend without thinking about the horrible, traumatic things he had to endure. Even before fighting Shigaraki. It was just hard, hard to acknowledge that you almost lost him. “Aroooooo…” You only perked up when Taromaru whimpered, nuzzling against your leg as if trying to comfort you as you looked down at the sweet pup, unable to help but smile at him and reached down to pet his head. “It’s okay (Y/N)-chan.” Izuku seemed to follow Taromaru’s lead as he gave you a soft smile, wanting to reassure you even though you were sad, he wanted to make you feel better somehow. “I… I understand what you’re saying, and why you feel the way you do… Believe me I’m… still trying to readjust even after all of that. It was… scary. We got out alive, but it’s almost like it happened yesterday… and I think about our friends, how we fought so hard just to stay alive and keep everyone else alive and-.” As he spoke, you put your arm around him and rested your head on his shoulder as a way to comfort him. Even if Izuku wasn’t the most expressive when it came to his own horrors, he still understood why you felt the way you did. However, you still knew that deep down his own suppressed trauma was starting to emerge so you offered him some comfort, and distracted him as he squeaked at the closeness and began to blush heavily at the feeling of your skin on his. “(Y-Y/N)-chan…!” “I’m so glad we got out alive… all of us…” You said softly with a little smile, that’s one thing Izuku was right about. All of you were alive, and all of you made it out alive. Just not quite the same, everything returned to normal, but some were still having nightmares after the war. Naturally, you gravitated towards the ones who needed the comfort because it distracted you from your own inner turmoil and because you were more worried about your friends than you were yourself. “(Y/N).” It was Shoto’s turn to say something, and you looked up to see him and pay attention, “Midoriya’s right. It is okay, but… it’s also okay, if you’re not okay. What you feel right now… it’s okay. Although… you will need to get more sleep, it won’t be okay if you fall asleep in class, or in a park…” Shoto knew how to reassure you, which surprised you but the boy was more empathetic than people took him for. And he made you smile because he was so understanding, that you felt a little more validated, glad to know that it was okay that you weren’t in the best spirits as of now. You picked your head up, giving him a nod and a smile. “Hee-hee… if I fall asleep in this park… I got you guys to wake me up don’t I?” You made a small joke, and made the two boys chuckle and smile at you, and Taromaru happily barked with a cheerful ‘arf’! “And we have Taromaru to be on guard for us.” Grinning, you pat your lap to gesture Taromaru to do jumpies, as the little pup leaped up and sat on your lap, earning a bigger smile from Izuku as he pet the small pup. Something Shoto couldn’t help but find very endearing, while he’s petted more cats before, Taromaru was a sweet dog, and he took a liking to the little guy as he gave him a small pet on the head. Only to cringe a little bit when he felt the little pup’s warm tongue lick at his palm. But this just made you and Izuku laugh out loud when you saw the look on his face, neither one of you seeing the light pink tinting his cheeks. And neither of you saw nor sensed that Katsuki was around and paused just in time to see you, Izuku and Shoto just talking about things, about how all of you felt, and then he watched the three of you just laughing and smiling together… He watched the scene with an indiscernible expression. He wondered where the hell you were at, and Denki said that you were with Izuku and Shoto at the park with Taromaru. Which alone infuriated Katsuki because you didn’t even bother telling him where you went and he had to have Denki tell him. Now you were with Deku and Icyhot? That didn’t surprise him, but it still bugged him. You’ve been doing that for far too long, and Katsuki began to wonder why them? And why not him? Was it because he wasn’t the best boyfriend sometimes? He had a feeling that had to be why, but it still bothered him. He’s known about your terrible eating habits, sleeping habits and poor health overall. You weren’t the best at taking care of yourself, he knew whenever you were down, and he called you on your bullshit several times, and even though you opened up. You didn’t open up nearly as much as you did to Izuku and Shoto. But why? Why couldn’t you open up to him? Why couldn’t you give him that kind of attention? Why didn’t you talk to him? Why couldn’t you confide in him when he knows damn well about what you were talking about too? All of you were there during the war and witnessed horrible things happening and experienced physical or emotional pain, so why weren’t you talking to him about it? He understood, he really did understand so why didn’t you come to him? These thoughts were screaming in his head as he narrowed his eyes, just seeing you laughing without a care in the world with those two, playing with your dog and probably forgetting that he even existed. He couldn’t take it anymore, he clenched his fists and sucked in a breath before leaving in a huff. You remained oblivious for some time until you and the guys decided that it was a good idea to get back to the dorms. Maybe a good nap would also help, and you had your Taromaru to make you feel comfortable too as you, Izuku and Shoto walked you back to the dorms. “Well… I’ll see you guys later okay? Tell your mamas I said ‘hi’ okay?” Izuku and Shoto told you on the way that they were going to visit their families, they had been doing that a little more as of late but especially after everything that had happened. Which you understood as they both smiled at you and nodded, reassuring you that they would definitely tell them that you said ‘hi’ as they both walked away and waved at you. Smiling, you waved at them as they left and walked back into the dorm building with your eager puppy following you with his tail wagging. Perhaps you should have gone home too, but once you got inside the building all you wanted to do was just go to your room and go to sleep or maybe just nap in the common room because it was closer. Maybe also ask Katsuki how he was doing, since you kind of forgot to tell him where you were going today. Not that you were obligated to but you knew that he would get worried about you and liked to make sure that you were okay, and while you appreciated how much he did care, there were some things you just didn’t and wouldn’t bother him about. Your problems were your problems, not his, he had plenty of problems and you weren’t going to drag him into any of them. So, you gave him his space, and you valued the space you had to be by yourself and just enjoyed your own company, or maybe one or two of your other closer friends simply because it was comfortable. You didn’t want to bother your boyfriend, and you knew that he preferred to do his own thing, even after everything that’s happened, it was just more comfortable knowing that he had his act together. Yeah that’s it, it made you feel better and less concerned as you sat down on the couch and let your puppy jump on with you. Time to either fall asleep or watch Netflix to fall asleep to. “Oi, Shitty Girl.” You perked up however once you heard a voice, Katsuki’s for that matter as you looked around and saw him leaning against the wall of the hall, hands in his pockets and with his signature scowl that made you smile a little bit. “Oh hey Kat… didn’t see you there.” Your tone was way too casual for his liking, and he hated the way you said it. You didn’t see him? He knew it, he knew you had been ignoring him. “Tch, I was standing here the whole time dumbass…” He indignantly remarked, but you just brushed that off as his typical brashness as you chuckled and shook your head. “Hee-hee, that’s my bad… but uh… hey I just got here, was gonna head up to my room but… don’t feel like it, I think I’ll just chill down here… feel free to sit with me and chill too.” It was almost a flirt as you smiled at him, but he wasn’t looking at you for some reason, instead he stared at his feet. As if he were trapped in the mindset where all of those thoughts were screaming at him to fixate on them instead. “Where did you go?” That’s all Katsuki could bring himself to ask you, even though he knew the answer because he was there and he saw you. Except you didn’t know that, and he bitterly thought that it’s because you ‘didn’t see him there’. “Oh… um…” The more you thought about it though, the more you started to feel bad since you normally did tell him where you went, but had started forgetting lately. “Nowhere really, just the local park nearby.” You shrugged it off though, since that’s where you liked to go there often. You and Katsuki liked to go there, just to walk around, but not as of late. Instead you went with other friends, including Izuku and Shoto and he was aware of that because he saw the pictures on your Instagram page of the places you went without him. “Did you go alone?” Katsuki knew the answer too, but he needed to hear what you had to say, hope for some kind of honesty from you, or just to get you to say more to him. Although you were starting to feel kind of nervous about his questions, and you started to wonder if he was feeling okay, but before you could ask, you answered his question. “No, no I wasn’t alone… I had Taromaru with me. And also, Izuku and Shoto had some free time so I let them tag along because I thought I could stand to get up out of here a little bit and I did, just to unwind.” So you could tell him that much? He wondered to himself, but just hearing Izuku and Shoto’s names and the fact that you were just so damn blasé about the entire thing and not even reading in between the lines was enough to set him off as he grunted aloud in pure aggravation.

“Deku! Deku! Deku! Icyhot! Icyhot! Icyhot!” 

He shouted it out, the two nicknames of the two people that he couldn’t bear to even hear at the moment and hearing them leave your lips just completely enraged him. 

However, his sudden outburst startled and made you gasp with wide (E/C) eyes because you didn’t expect that at all. And you had no idea why he just got so pissed. He looked so pissed, more so than normal but you didn’t even know why as you looked up at him with shock and confusion, but that just pissed him off even more. 

“DAMMIT!! You don’t even fucking think about ME anymore!” His trembling fists clenched at his side as he looked at the bewilderment all over your face. Unable to believe that you were that oblivious to him.

“W-What?! What the hell are you talking about…?” You didn’t get it, why was he so pissed off? What was he pissed off about now? Just because you spent time with Izuku and Shoto. They were your friends and you could spend time with them whenever you wanted. 

“Are you mad just because I was out with them?” You sighed when you assumed that he was probably just jealous as he normally was. “Katsuki I know you have a bug up your ass when it comes to Izuku and Shoto but honestly you need to grow-.” He seemed to drown out what you were saying, ignoring how much it was starting to sing but that didn’t matter. What mattered is that he wanted to know why you kept ignoring him. He wasn’t even jealous, or at least, it wasn’t typical petty jealousy, it came from a place of hurt. 

“What’s the deal... going to places with them? Telling them all of these important things...” He cut you off and asked you straight up why you felt so comfortable talking to them, but not him. He was your boyfriend, while he’d never force you, it still hurt knowing that you didn’t open up to him the way you could to other friends. 

But you didn’t know what the hell he was talking about, all you could tell was that he still seemed upset for some reason. “Oh... right, the park… well hey I mean... it’s not like the places I go with them to are places you’d even like, literally you don’t like the theater, you’re not a fan of the pet store and you’re not... wait, what are you getting at?” 

At first you were confused, but now you were starting to listen to what he was asking and what he was trying to get across to you.

“You’re struggling in class! And your health! I already knew but dammit... why don’t you tell ME these things?!” He was terrible with his feelings, but he thought he at least got his point across about how much he cared about your health and it hurt knowing that you didn’t tell him about anything you had an issue with. 

This you were partially aware of though as you almost looked ashamed for a moment because he was right. You had neglected to tell Katsuki about all of those things, both out of pride and out of shame, “That’s just because I don’t want you to worry Katsuki...” You said with a sigh, these were your problems. The last thing you wanted was to drag Katsuki into them because he’s been through so much and has fought so hard that you couldn’t and you wouldn’t just drag him into it. It was bad enough you made Izuku and Shoto give you the time of day over your dumb issues, you couldn’t do that to Katsuki too.

“Why?” But Katsuki still didn’t understand why you didn’t want him to worry, when he wanted to because you were his partner dammit. He wanted to worry about you because he cared about you, even if he had a hard time saying such a personal thing.  

“What?” You perked up with even more confusion when he asked ‘why’? Why what? 

“Why won’t you let me worry? When you’ll tell fucking Deku and Icyhot? Why do you let them worry about you? You just don’t care at all do you?” He looked away, fists still clenched and beginning to tremble at the feelings of anger and hurt twisting inside of his chest, and he couldn’t shake it off. 

Katsuki didn’t show weakness, he hated it, he always put up a strong front, but the fact that you kept these important things from him, but instead confided in Izuku and Shoto of all people, that hurt. And it hurt even more that you seemed more concerned about them than him, and opted to just ignore how he felt after he had been through the same things they had.  

“Katsuki... what are you? How dare you?! Of course I care!” You did care, of course you did, how could he even ask that? You were constantly worried about him; did you ask him about the things that bothered him? Well no you didn’t, but if he wasn’t so fucking proud, you’d ask him more. Except he didn’t, so you didn’t ask him that much because you knew that he’d just get annoyed with you. 

“You have a funny way of showing it!” He quickly replied, tone not quieting down because he didn’t believe it. He knew he had this ridiculous pride that kept him from speaking up much, but he still felt ignored by you over the past couple of months. After all Icyhot was proud in his own right, but that apparently didn’t stop you from going over to talk to him about how he felt. 

“Really? I have a funny way of showing it? Says the guy who’s ditched 2 of our dates and lets his pride and these dumb pissing contests with the guys get in the way of things. C’mon Katsuki, don’t be a hypocrite.” You almost got up, because you felt like leaving this dumb conversation. Sometimes you just could not with him, and right now you could not with him, especially if he was going to be this way as you shook his head, but Katsuki wasn’t going to let you just walk away from this. 

“I get it! I know! But… you don’t even talk to me! You don’t come to me, you don’t tell me anything! I’m not stupid! I know you’re not okay when you say you are, I know you’ve been pretending to be okay for the past couple of months, and I know you haven’t been okay since we faced off the damn villains! And then you… you fucking…” He seemed to struggle at that last part; he was well aware that he wasn’t the best boyfriend to you, but he wanted to make an effort, at least as of late. He made sure you didn’t stay up too late, and also made sure you had a decent breakfast instead of junk food, but lately he felt as if he’s just been getting nothing from you in return. 

“I what?” You shrugged your shoulders and raised your arms with an irritated look, wondering just what did you do this time to make him mad. 

“You... you got that damn dog!” Katsuki practically shouted, his tone completely incredulous but still angry as said dog perked up a bit, tilting his head in confusion.

“What...? What does Taromaru have to do with any of this?!” You were straight-up offended though, why was he getting mad at your dog now? What did Taromaru ever do to him?

“Stop acting like you don’t get it! After… all the shit that we’ve been through… I know that you’re not okay, you say you are but I know its bullshit… and yet you got a dog to make you feel better! A dog (Y/N)?! Why not me?! You should be holding ME at night, not a dog! It’s ME you should come to if you’re feeling messed up! Not Deku or Icyhot!” Katsuki went on a small tangent, pointing at himself to emphasize that he wanted you to talk to him, to come to him when you weren’t feeling okay and yet still you got Taromaru for emotional comfort and talked to Izuku and Shoto about your problems instead of him.

He was YOUR boyfriend, he’s the one you should be able to trust enough to seek comfort and company from, and yet you’ve been just ignoring him for months.

Finding comfort and company from others. Including from a freaking dog, over him. 

However, he winced ever so slightly when he heard a soft little whine coming from Taromaru and he saw the pup looking almost like he was sad. Bakugou wasn’t exactly as close to the dog as everyone else was, but while he didn’t like the affection you gave to the freaking dog instead of him, your boyfriend, it’s not like it was Taromaru’s fault. 

“Unbelievable... is your ego really that fragile you pompous asshole?” You did understand, but because of the way he was acting and because you were getting angry, you could only reply back with annoyance and that just made him even more annoyed. 

“Are you really that stupid?! Can’t you see what I’m trying to tell you, you idiot?! Do you really think that low of yourself? Or do you just not even care? Answer me that!” 

“Stop saying I don’t care! I do! I care about you Katsuki!” 

“Well I care about you too dammit!! Don’t you get that?! I know I can be a real shitty boyfriend and I know I have been, but… fuck!” He shut his eyes and shouted louder, seeming to be at war with himself until he opened his eyes and looked right into your (E/C) eyes. Eyes he had taken for granted as he took in your form, the parts he loved about you and the things he missed about you. The way you would smile at him or laugh, he missed that…

“(Y/N)… dammit… I love you...”

It’s not true…

“What...?” You asked incredulously, disbelief even in your expression as Katsuki just stared at you angrily, form trembling as if even he couldn’t believe the words he just said to you. But then his crimson eyes widened when he saw a small grin on your lips, a snicker leaving as you chuckled and shook your head in what sounded like amusement.

“Funny Katsuki... We’re not even half-way through our second year… I mean… no you can’t be serious… no... no way... I don’t... I don’t think that’s true...” 

Katsuki was the boy you loved, but you weren’t even sure if it was that ‘real’ kind of love that people liked to shove down your throat. Saying you didn’t know what real love was, and you started to think that maybe they were right.

So Katsuki couldn’t have meant it when he said the words to you right? You were aware that he had been through one hell of an ordeal throughout his entire first year here at UA, so you wondered if he even knew what love was. Or if he was just saying that due to the fact that he was clearly very emotional right now and that this was nothing but another one of his impulsive outbursts that he would just take back later.

“...”

Yet once the silence became uncomfortably apparent you finally glanced at him, and blinked a bit, almost wondering if you were seeing this right but you couldn’t even recognize the expression on your boyfriend. His eyes appeared to be glistening ever so slightly along with a subtle quiver of his lips.

That was definitely not like the Katsuki you were used to see.

Bakugou was not quiet. Not often. He was known for being loud, opinionated and honest to a fault, and he let everyone know it. He could be quiet, but this was a different kind of quiet. It was still, tense and making you increasingly uncomfortable especially when he gritted his teeth as if to attempt to keep his lips from trembling.

“So that’s how you feel…?”

His tone was different, it wasn’t the usual angry, gruff tone. In fact, he sounded like he was almost hurt by what you said.

No… “W-Wha…?” You didn’t want to believe it, was your boyfriend really that upset? You wanted to ask but the blond just swiftly turned his head and took a few steps away from you, and your eyes fell on his back and you flinched as soon as you heard the smallest hitch in his breath.  

“A-Are you… are you really crying?! Y-You don’t cry!”  You didn’t mean to raise your tone, but you were genuinely shocked. Not your best choice of words, yet still you couldn’t fight the shock, because you haven’t seen Katsuki cry since he was 9 years old. And based on the way his body started tremoring, you were starting to think you were right.  

“No!”

Katsuki only got more defensive, aside from feeling hurt by you now he just felt insulted as he brought an arm up to cover his eyes even if he had his back to you. God why was he so pathetic? 

But he wasn’t going to let you have the satisfaction of seeing him like this. No matter how much his body and stupid feelings were making him. He hated this. He hated that he was being so weak and then he hated that he was so weak that he was outright showing this much weakness to you. 

“H-Hey now… Kat…” You couldn’t lie, you weren’t comfortable with this, but at the same time you felt so bad for him, and then you were feeling even worse when it became apparent that he felt like you were ignoring him. And you wanted to say something and reach out for him, but as soon as he sensed you moving closer, he quickly backed away and glared at you with flushed cheeks and tears in his eyes.

“Dumbass!! Dammit (Y/N) you… you’re such an idiot!!”

He shouted at you, voice cracking slightly through his anger, and he quickly turned away to storm off away from you in a huff as he took off in a fast dash while you could only watch him with wide (E/C) eyes.

“Katsuki!” You called out for him, but the blonde left without another word and didn’t dare look over his shoulder as he just kept running. And you were left with your arm out in a futile attempt to reach for him as you just stood there with pure shock, confusion and guilt over what just happened between you and your boyfriend.

No way, you didn’t really make the ultra-tough guy, Lord Explosion Murder, up-and-coming rising hero Great Explosion Murder God Dynamight, Katsuki Bakugou cry? How was that possible?

Tell me I’ve been lied to Crying isn't like you Oh-oh-oh What the hell did I do? Never been the type to Let someone see right through Oh-oh-oh

“What did you just do…?” You asked yourself, even though you were also wondering what did Katsuki just do? Did he mean what he said when he said ‘I love you’ to you?

“No way…” Shaking your head, you fell right back onto the couch to massage your temples when you heard him say ‘I love you’ again. It just happened, yet in your mind it was still happening. The three words echoed in your head like a sad song on replay and you couldn’t bring yourself to change it to a happier tune.

Katsuki wasn’t the kind of guy to just be so open about his feelings or emotions. Crying wasn’t something he did often, telling you his honest feelings wasn’t something he did often. If anything, Izuku was the one lucky enough to get that kind of sincerity from him, not you.

You accepted that thought, even if it still made you sad there was nothing you could do about it, so you thought. “Katsuki�� you idiot…” You wanted to blame him for this, for making you feel guilty about something you didn’t want to feel guilty about. Even though you did feel guilty, you felt horrible in fact.

Of course, you knew your boyfriend would never guilt-trip you, Katsuki never played dirty like that in anything. Yet you still felt like one lousy partner, if he was so upset about this that he blew up to you about it because he couldn’t ignore his feelings anymore and call you out on it. You were the one who usually called him on his bullshit, so having it be the other way around was far from pleasant.

A small whine interrupted your thoughts as Taromaru jumped on the couch to sit on your lap, looking over at you with what you believed was concern as he even licked your cheek. “Hee-hee…” Giggling a little bit and sadly smiling, you pet the puppy on the head.

“Taromaru… do you think… Katsuki really meant that? Do you really think he meant to say I love you?” You felt ridiculous for asking a puppy such a complicated question, especially about your abrasive boyfriend that Taromaru didn’t even get along with that much. Yet still the puppy responded by giving you more licks on your cheek as his tail wagged happily.

Snickering, you almost forlornly wondered if that was Taromaru’s way of saying ‘yes’ because you knew Katsuki wasn’t a liar. He was an emotional young man, but he wasn’t a liar, especially not about how he felt about others.

“He didn’t mean that… no… he couldn’t have… why me…?” You wondered to yourself with your eyebrows furrowed as you walked back to your room with Taromaru following you. There was nothing else you could do other than stumble over to plop down onto your bed.

You felt weak, still in shock from the three words Katsuki told you not long ago. It just happened, but that’s why you were still in shock that it just happened.

Katsuki had to be joking, but he wasn’t the joking type. So why did you doubt him?

“I love you…?” You repeated his words with uncertainty, muttering them to yourself as if you were trying to find some other underlying meaning to how Katsuki said it.

You can’t take those words back once you say them. Platonically or romantically. Which was it from him

“I love you…”

Saying the words with a little more thought, you wondered just what did Katsuki mean when he said them. Love was scary, saying it was scary, especially to your partner. You knew you shouldn’t have felt so hesitant about it but you couldn’t help it.

Maybe won't you take it back Say you were tryna make me laugh And nothing has to change today You didn't mean to say "I love you" I love you and I don't want to Oh-oh-oh

So instead of figuring it out yourself, you called your right-hand man and another one of your best guy friends.

“(Y/N)? What’s up?”

“Hitoshi I need your help with something.”

Maybe calling Hitoshi was a mistake, because he wasn’t the most touchy-feely guy in the world but he had a soft spot enough for you so you kinda hoped that he would tell you some decent enough advice or even reassure you with a pretty good interpretation of what Katsuki could have meant.

“He said that?” Hitoshi sounded just as shocked when you told him that yes, Katsuki said those three little words that even made him feel nervous as you sighed, nodding even though Hitoshi couldn’t see it, he knew you were.

“Yeah and like… I don’t think I reacted the way anyone would want someone to… I said that… I didn’t think he meant it, he got upset and then he just left…” The more you recounted what happened between you and Katsuki, the guiltier you felt as you cringed a bit when you heard a little tongue click coming from Hitoshi.

“What’s that Hitoshi? That’s your judgy tongue click I hear…” You muttered in annoyance as Hitoshi scoffed in amusement.

“Look… Bakugo’s not my friend at all, and I’m not on his side at all either but… yeah that probably wasn’t the best way to react to those three words… and to a guy like him? Yikes… his ego is so massive I’m sure that gave it a serious bruise.” He answered pretty bluntly because while he didn’t see himself partnering up with anyone soon, he knew that if his partner reacted that way, he wouldn’t have taken it very well.

“I now right…? God… I just… that’s such a serious word to tell someone… I feel like… maybe he really did mean it… that idiot’s been through so much… he almost died, he still has his power and all and is in one piece but… there was a moment where I thought… what if he didn’t open his eyes? What if he lost the power he’s been so proud of and… what if he wasn’t the same when he came back and just… I don’t know… I really just… don’t want to even go back to anything like that, even if it was months ago it’s like it happened yesterday and…” As you opened up to Hitoshi about how confused you were about what Katsuki said, you also shared how you really felt about him, and he began to think maybe that’s why you didn’t believe him when he said he loved you.

“Now I see what he means, I’m doing it now… oh my god… you know… I’ve been worrying about literally everyone else… except for Katsuki… I mean I AM worried, I’m worried about him all the damn time but… I don’t know… somewhere along the lines I just… stopped showing it because I have… SO much on my mind, I’m SO fucking worried about my other friends and I’m not afraid of them pushing me away so it’s easier to show them but I… I shouldn’t have just ended up pushing him away in the process…” But then you realized that you were totally opening up to Hitoshi about your problems, and that was another reason Katsuki got upset because you could do this to other people but not him? Well, he did too but you assumed he never really opened up to anyone.

“Hey now… it’s fine really… I mean it’s okay that you feel bad about it, but you’ve been through a lot too, don’t beat yourself up. Look… I wasn’t there when all that stuff went down but… I see what you mean and it makes perfect sense. After everything you’ve seen and been through, the idea of loving someone becomes scarier. I mean… you said everyone came back in pretty bad shape… I remember how you were scared as hell, so… while it wasn’t the best way to react, I don’t blame you for how you reacted (Y/N). But… Bakugo is kind of an ass so… I guess you can explain it to him? Maybe give it a shot… and if he doesn’t get it, just let me know so I can kick his ass.” He and Bakugo weren’t really friends, so he wouldn’t have a problem brainwashing him and kicking him where it hurts should he hurt your feelings in any way.

You couldn’t help but laugh at the thought, even though if anyone could beat Katsuki, Hitoshi can. Katsuki literally can’t keep his trap shut so you were pretty confident that Hitoshi could beat him, but right now, you didn’t want it to lead to that. “Thanks Tosh… I’ll talk to him. I haven’t done that enough so… I will… thanks again…” Sighing, you smiled even though Hitoshi couldn’t see it, he knew you were smiling.

“No problem (Y/N). See you later all right? But… I guess… call me whenever you need anything else…” He ended on a slightly awkward note, but you knew that was just his way of trying to act all cool as you snickered a bit.

“Of course Hitoshi. Back at you… thanks again.” Your tone was amused as he just scoffed before the two of you said your goodbyes and hung up. Only you were left with disappointment to no longer have a friend to talk to and even more disappointment with yourself when you realized how you messed up with Katsuki.

You didn’t mean to; you really didn’t mean to but it was hard. After everything Izuku and Shoto had been through, you were scared for them and it was easier to get them to open up somewhat. Or that’s just what you told yourself, you felt more comfortable worrying about them, and not so much with Katsuki.

He was so proud and strong that you didn’t think you could hurt his feelings. But you did.

He told you he loved you, probably out of desperation to get you to see how he really felt, that he wanted you and needed you and you just laughed at it and didn’t even believe him.

“Katsuki…” You closed your teary eyes when you felt heat pooling in them and wiped any that tried to slip away and quickly went to his number. Calling him would be much too after what just happened, so you just left your phone like that on his number and tried to get your mind off of it by watching TV for a few hours.

You were terrified. You were terrified of talking to him about it, terrified to apologize after hurting him like that because what if he didn’t forgive you? What if he really was going to take it back? What if he was going to break up with you? What if you hurt him worse than you thought especially when he was clearly still traumatized from the war?

The more horrifying thoughts came to your mind, the more you felt almost dizzy as you just stared blankly with wide (E/C) eyes and you couldn’t even hear Taromaru’s barks. Until his paws on your legs made you blink and return to reality as his anxious whimpering and whines became more apparent.

“S-Sorry boy, I’m sorry, I’m okay…” You inhaled and exhaled deeply, remembering to just breathe as you pet the puppy with a shaky smile.

“I gotta talk to him…” Taking another deep breath, you grabbed your phone, it was still on Katsuki’s number and you didn’t call him, but you did send him a message.

‘I wanna talk to you.’

Those were the only words you could bring yourself to text, and of course you didn’t get a reply back. You knew you wouldn’t but you still hoped that he would reply to you back.

Waiting and sitting on your bed, your nerves were quickly becoming frenzied when the seconds and minutes felt much too slow. You could only anxiously await a message from your dear boyfriend if you would even get one as you lied down on your bed, eyes still glued to your phone just waiting for a vibration or the notification sound to go off.

Taromaru lied down right by your stomach as if he could sense how anxious you were, and all you could do to soothe yourself was stroking his fur and pet him gently.

A sharp gasp left you when the notification sound went off, and you instantly sat up from your bed, throwing your hand to your heart in alarm as you looked to see your phone glowing. You quickly snatched it up to see if it was from Katsuki.

‘Fine.’

Your breathing came out in soft little pants, a surge of relief slowly coursing through your being when Katsuki did answer you. But you blinked your tired (E/C) eyes in shock when you realized that at least two hours had passed by.

Taromaru whimpered up at you softly, rubbing his head against your side and reaching up so he could lick your face as if he was trying to comfort you. Smiling softly, you giggled and felt a smidgen more courage to reply to him.

‘First floor when everyone’s asleep? Or my room?’

Nobody was on the first floor at night-time, and you couldn’t be outside the dorm building now that the school’s security had been doubled after the events of the war. So you would have to either talk to Katsuki in private in the comfort of your room or the first floor.

‘Whichever stupid.’

He was clearly still mad and you sighed a little bit as you replied with a ‘My room’, wondering if that was the best choice as you petted Taromaru for more comfort. You were scared when the war between the villains happened, so why were you so fucking terrified to just talk with your boyfriend? It shouldn’t be that hard…

Up all night on another red eye I wish we never learned to fly I-I-I Maybe we should just try To tell ourselves a good lie I didn't mean to make you cry I-I-I

The rest of the day was awkward. Even on the moments you and Katsuki crossed paths, neither one of you could bring yourselves to say anything. You both agreed to talk in your rooms and that was that. Which is why having dinner with the others wasn’t very comfortable because you could both feel each other’s presences when you were in the same rooms.

You had to ignore it though, for now you had to pretend in front of your friends and classmates that everything was okay and that nothing was on your mind. Just as you had been for the past couple of months, so it shouldn’t have been hard.

Thankfully they all brought it, except maybe Izuku and Shoto, but this time they didn’t ask about it since they had the uncanny ability to tell that this issue wasn’t quite like the ones you shared with them earlier today.

Although you ate as much as you could, your stomach still had butterflies because you were finally going to talk to your boyfriend after what felt like months. Even the small talk the two of you made wasn’t much talking, the more you thought about it, it has been a while since you had a real, thoughtful conversation with Katsuki. And that was why he was so angry with you, something that still shocked you but that’s what it was.

You just hoped that Katsuki had cooled down somewhat after the argument you both had today. Once everyone else turned in, that was your cue to just go back to your room, with Taromaru in tow as he followed right by your side.

A small, but sharp gasp left you though as you picked your head up to see no one other than your Katsuki leaning on the wall right next to your door, just waiting for you. How long had he been there? You wondered, but now you were a mix of nervous and relieved. Nervous because you could still see the scowl on his face, and it made you wonder if he was still angry with you, and relieved because he was really here and had enough maturity to come to you despite his visible anger.

“Hey Kat.” You spoke and gave him a small wave when you got close enough to him, and although you didn’t expect an answer, Katsuki surprised you by giving you a small huff in response.

You opened the door for him to let him into your room, and you also wondered how long it’s been since you last had him in your room as he took a seat on your chair and you sat on your bed. How pitiful. Katsuki wasn’t a perfect boyfriend, and you liked to complain about that, but this just made you realize that you weren’t exactly an ideal partner either.

But that’s why you were both here, to hopefully talk about it in a peaceful manner without arguing. Taromaru was here to ease your anxiety, you just hoped Katsuki wouldn’t be bothered by that, but he was more mature than that despite what he said about the dog earlier.

“I think a talk between us is long overdue…” You spoke up to break the uncomfortable silence because you knew Katsuki wasn’t going to do that.

“Now you wanna talk?” He asked somewhat bitterly, hands in his pockets as he didn’t even look over at you as you crossed your arms nervously with a sigh.

“Yes… we… haven’t done that enough, and… that’s partially my fault…” Now you lost the ability to look at him, and of course hearing you say that actually made your boyfriend glance over at you. “I’m not… trying to excuse myself, at all Katsuki. What I said earlier, I meant it… the part about my problems at least, I thought… by not saying anything at all, would make it easier on you. You’re a very busy guy, you’ve been through enough already from last year… it’s been a few months but… I didn’t want to just dump all my problems on you…” As you began your explanation, you fought the irritation when you heard Katsuki scoff.

“Yet that doesn’t stop you from dumping all your problems on Deku and Icyhot, and the other extras…” He reminded you with a small growl, the truth was he didn’t see it as you dumping your problems on someone, instead he just saw it as you opening up to and confiding in everyone else but him. Your boyfriend.

“I know…” You didn’t want to fight with him, so you didn’t. He wasn’t wrong either way, “I hate thinking that’s what I do… but I know that I… confide in them more I just… I don’t know, it’s stupid… it’s not fair to you…”

Katsuki’s eyes narrowed, he didn’t want you to think he didn’t WANT you to confide in your friends, he just wanted you to confide in him a little more, “Those morons are your friends… I just can’t believe you don’t even think that you could talk to me too…” He grumbled in slight embarrassment, even though he’s embarrassed himself plenty today by nearly falling apart in front of you earlier.

However, those were the right words for you to hear as you couldn’t help but sigh in slight relief. You knew Katsuki wasn’t the type of guy to just tell you what you couldn’t do. So, he was just hurt, but because you were the one that he felt hurt by. You didn’t mean to hurt his feelings like that, but you did it.

“I can’t believe it either…”

“So what the hell (Y/N)?” He gruffly asked, awaiting your answer so he could know just what was so wrong that you felt the need to hide all of your problems from him and leave him out of important things that he DID care about. “Why are you leaving me out of things in your life that matter?”

His question stung as you knew you had to give him an answer, he deserved that much and you couldn’t just not talk when you said you wanted to have this talk with him. It didn’t make it any less nerve-wracking though as you inhaled and exhaled. You didn’t expect him to take mercy on you but you could see a glimmer of concern in his displeased expression.

“Katsuki I’m sorry…” You began with an apology, knowing that he did deserve an apology first, “I’m sorry that I… I made you feel like I was ignoring you… I swear I never meant to…” Shaking your head, you braved up to actually look him in the eyes.

“I didn’t mean to make you feel like I didn’t care about you, I care about you… so much… I know it feels like I don’t, but I do… I really, really do and…” Swallowing hard, you had to calm yourself down so you could try and explain it to him.

“I just…” You sighed as you began, voice and figure trembling as you knew this had to be said, “I don’t feel like… talking to you about my problems is the right thing to do… to… tell you everything that’s wrong with me when… it’s hard… it’s hard enough knowing that you’ve gone through… so much worse than I have.” You averted his eyes for a moment, unable to see his slightly indignant look.

Maybe won't you take it back Say you were tryna make me laugh And nothing has to change today You didn't mean to say "I love you" I love you and I don't want to Oh-oh-oh

“Katsuki… you’re a proud guy. I don’t want to make you feel like… I’m undermining you or bruising your pride by making you open up too. Because… I’ve tried, and… when none of those attempts worked, I thought… it would just be better for me to let it be, and only give you what you needed when you came for it. I wanted to be… someone you could count on for a ‘pick me up’ or someone you can hug when you need one. And that’s what I did, but I never… sought you out because… I didn’t want to bruise your pride by doing that, I let you have your space, as you let me have mine.” You explained as best as you could only the first half as you finally glanced into his eyes. His expression hard to read although his eyes were still narrowed as he seemed to permanently looked irritated.

He probably was, but you didn’t know that he was taking your words into consideration. He was pissed at you for closing yourself off, but thinking about what you said just made him remember that he closed himself off just as much, if not more so than you.

“I thought I was putting you first, by giving you what you needed from me and supporting you from the sidelines while I took care of my own things, did things by myself so it didn’t… inconvenience you. With everything that was going on, I thought that I couldn’t possibly bother you with anything going on with me, I knew that you wouldn’t just brush off any issue I brought up but… I still didn’t bring anything up, I wanted to deal with my own problems, I wasn’t going to make my problems yours… and… especially after what we have been through? No way… you’ve been through… too much for me to bother you… and… honestly that’s another thing…” Your (E/C) eyes dulled the more you thought about how the aftermath of the war had really impacted you and the fact that school hadn’t ceased to stress you out.

Katsuki was heeding your words, and as angry as he wanted to be at you for thinking that, he could tell that you really believed that you would just be a problem if you opened up about your problems. He was hurt, but now he had to take a little time to try and understand that. He knew he wasn’t the best boyfriend, he knew he had his own issues and that they had affected you, and that’s something you were afraid of which had inadvertently lead you to neglecting him.

“When… when you said…” You almost couldn’t speak though when you thought about how Katsuki said those words, a thought that made your face warm as Katsuki himself began to blush and grunt lowly. He still couldn’t believe he was dumb enough to tell you that…

“When you said that you loved me that just… that was really fucking scary…”

You were fucking scared. Fucking scared of the words ‘I love you’, because there was no way to take those words back once you said it. And Katsuki told them to you, whether he meant it or not, there’s no way he could take it back.

“Katsuki… I’m… fucking scared… when you say you love someone… and even if you mean it… it’s just so painful. After I almost lost you, I knew that… I did… I really did… l-love you a-and… when you love someone… i-it’s just something else you can lose… that war… really made me realize that… there’s no guarantee… what if I really had… lost you? I don’t… I don’t want to imagine it.” You willed your voice to remain steady despite the tears threatening to form as you inhaled and exhaled to keep breathing, something that didn’t go unnoticed by Katsuki.

“Loving someone changes things… it changes everything, after the things we’ve been through… and… it makes me realize… so many things that hurt and yet… I want that at the same time… God… it makes no sense but… Katsuki…” Biting your bottom lip, you wiped at your eyes to stop any tears that wanted to sneak up and fall.

“I’m afraid because I… I do love you too…” Your tears shined in your glossy (E/C) eyes as one traitorous tear dripped down your face as Katsuki’s eyes only slightly widened as soon as you said the same words. A little late, but still.

But he hated seeing you cry, he hated how miserable you looked, and he almost regretted making you talk to him like this. But he had been wanting to talk to you so he could make you feel better somehow and let you know that he does care about you and wants you to be okay.

“And I’m afraid of that…” Chuckling ruefully you tried to smile at him, but it was wobbly and weak as he scoffed in response. He didn’t want to be insensitive, but that was simply part of his nature.

“Because I’m a shitty boyfriend?” He asked you after your explanation, and you blinked some tears in bewilderment at his response.  “You know it’s true.” He hated admitting it, but it was true. He shouldn’t have acted like such a jerk to you and pushed you away like he had done before, because while you were still with him, you ended up pushing him away too.

He knew that it was his fault too though, “I’m surprised you’ve put up with me for this long Shitty Girl.” He admitted that too, because he knew that he wasn’t the best partner to you, but the fact that you were still with him even after all of that meant that you meant what you had said.

You meant when you said that you loved him, just as he had meant when he said that he loved you.

“I hate… feeling so weak, more than anything… I can’t fucking stand it… the Sludge Villain, when the league of villains had me… when All-Might…” As Katsuki for once began to tell you even more about how he felt, you saw him grunt and struggle to even say how he felt at his lowest when All-Might had to retire. Because of his weakness, because he couldn’t even save himself and it caused his hero to go into retirement.

“When All-Might had to retire… because of me. Then… when damn Deku… went after that guy…” He willingly let himself get hit, to save Izuku and you knew it. But you couldn’t even look at him after he endured such a fatal wound that you were glad hadn’t killed him. Yet still, even in that moment Katsuki felt so weak for being unable to do anything else.

And now he felt so weak for even showing you a little bit of weakness, crying like an idiot and complaining to you about you not giving him attention when he didn’t give you enough attention either.

“I’m so fucking pathetic… it’s not even your fault…” He grabbed at his hair when he thought he was going to break even just a little bit, but then he felt your hand on his shoulder as you gave him a soft, concerned look.

“You are NOT pathetic… and you are NOT weak… everything that happened was beyond anyone’s control… just because they happened… doesn’t mean it’s your fault but Katsuki… it’s okay to FEEL weak… it’s not okay to think you ARE weak because you’re not… you’re the strongest man I know…” Placing your hands on his shoulders, you looked him in the eyes to tell him how much you admired him.

Katsuki was visibly shocked, touched, but also skeptical, like he didn’t or he couldn’t believe you. “Yes I am! I-I can’t even handle it when you don’t give me a little attention even though I’m the asshole who didn’t give YOU attention, dammit! I just fuck everything up…!” He raised his voice, but there was no anger towards you, it was all aimed at himself. There was anger, anguish and so much self-loathing it broke your heart.

“I meant what I said… I do love you but… you’re also right… I had no idea where you even were. I had no idea if you were even okay, if a damn villain got to you or not… when it was all over, all I could think about is that if you got hurt… it would have been my fault because I didn’t do a damn thing to help you…” Katsuki recalled what he could even though he faded in and out of consciousness after the war had ended and he remembered seeing your face when he and Izuku eventually woke up.

He was so relieved to see you alive and well with a few cuts and scratches, but what if it were worse? What if you had been one of the casualties and weren’t so lucky?

“I hate this feeling so fucking much… I hate that loving you makes me feel like this… it’s not even your fault… I-I just… I hate the thought of losing you… I hate being scared of losing you and I hate that I’m a shitty boyfriend who didn’t even help you when you needed it…” He willed back the tears, but they still dripped down his cheeks as your first instinct was to put your arms around him, holding him close as you shut your eyes. Your own tears streamed down your face.

The smile that you gave me Even when you felt like dying

“It’s okay…” You said to him softly, but those two words were enough to send Katsuki over the edge as he pulled away from you even though he didn’t want to leave your arms, he felt like he didn’t even deserve it.

“It’s NOT okay! How is it okay?! I shouldn’t… I should hate that!! I shouldn’t… I shouldn’t be so weak and-!” He wanted to scream more, he wanted to tell you that you shouldn’t even be with him anymore and that you were right to push him away, but you weren’t going to let him.

“No Katsuki it IS… you and I… we’re NOT okay… you’re NOT okay… and I’m NOT okay… that’s why we’re here though… because I should have told you that I wasn’t okay… yes… I wish you told me that you weren’t okay but now I’m telling you… it’s okay… because… I’m still with you because… I want to be… I understand… I just told you that I’m afraid too… and knowing that you are too… don’t you understand how better that makes me feel?” You asked him, the fear evident in your tone and the mistiness in your eyes visible for Katsuki to furrow his brows.

“I want to love you… because I do! I don’t want to be afraid… I don’t want to be afraid of loving the person I want to love but… I am… and yet… at the same time I feel like… I won’t be afraid because you are Katsuki Bakugo. You’re… You’re Great Explosion Murder God Dynamight, the strongest hero I know, the strongest man I know, and… with you I just… I feel like I won’t have to be afraid anymore… how can I be afraid? When I have a man like you in my life?” You smiled crookedly at him as your tears continued to fall, body trembling because even though you were still scared. Katsuki somehow always managed to make you feel safe, protected and at ease despite everything.

You couldn’t tell what he was feeling, you just saw him looking at you with a mix of slight awe, surprise and other emotions you couldn’t read. Katsuki just stared at you, he heard your words and listened to every single thing you told him, saw the look in your eyes the entire time as he could see the love, fear and determination swirling in those (E/C) orbs. He didn’t realize how much he needed to hear that from you, he had been wanting you to hold onto him for so long and yet he pulled away from you like the idiot he was.

So hearing you, seeing you stay with him and tell him how you still wanted to be with him even though you were scared, it made him feel like a weight had been lifted off of his shoulders. He hated being weak, but he loved being with you, he loved how you made him feel. He needed to be better, hearing you say that you loved him, made him realize that he needed to be better for you.

“Tch…” He scoffed a little bit, making you perk up when you saw one of his trademark smirks even though you knew that he was still afraid, like you were. “You’re not wrong (Y/N)… loving someone is scary but… you’re also not wrong that you don’t have anything to be afraid of with me around… we’ll kill our fears together.”

He declared with his usual determination that made your eyes well up with more tears, a watery smile on your lips as you snickered and snorted at such a phrase. “W-What are you laughing at?!” However, Katsuki couldn’t help but flush in slight embarrassment when you were laughing at him again, except this wasn’t out of mockery he could tell that much. He still didn’t like it though.

“I-I’m sorry! It’s just… that’s… another reason why I love you… you’re right… I want to do that… kill our fears together… you and me Katsuki.” Your smile didn’t fade as you took his hand in yours, and Katsuki promptly squeezed your hand, his own smirk not leaving.

“Good.” He sounded satisfied, but mostly relieved. Relieved that you and him were okay, or that you were at least going to be together since neither one of you wanted to end this despite the issues that sprung up.

“Katsuki…”

But then he froze up as soon as he suddenly felt you loosen your grip on his hand, and he grunted and nearly exclaimed in shock when you threw your arms around him in the tightest hug he’s felt from you.

We fall apart as it gets dark I'm in your arms in Central Park There's nothing you could do or say I can't escape the way, I love you I don't want to, but I love you Oh-oh-oh

“I love you Katsuki…” You whispered quietly as your tears silently fell. The fear was lingering, but  still made you feel safe enough that you held onto him tight. Unwilling to let go as Katsuki returned the gesture by embracing you just as tightly.

God, he didn’t know how scared he was to lose you until he thought of the worst that could have happened. He was still scared, still afraid to lose you and to love you even though he did love you. He really loved you.

“I love you too (Y/N)…” He said the three words to you again, and your tear-filled (E/C) eyes widened when you heard them again. Your heart pounding as they made you feel less afraid and more at peace as you warmly smiled, resting your head into his shoulders and softly smiling even as you felt your own shoulder growing wet from his tears.

You knew it. You truly did love Katsuki, even if you were afraid of the fact that you loved him. And you figured out that Katsuki was afraid of that fact as well. He loved you, it’s why he told you the words even if he didn’t want to.

He knew he had to because it was true, he loved you. It just freaked him out that he did, that he loved someone.

Yet Katsuki wasn’t going to change those feelings, he loved you and he was willing to face that fear if it meant getting to love you the way he did. And you were too, you didn’t want to stop loving him even though you were scared. At least you and Katsuki would be scared together.

“Aroooo~.”

But the two of you opened your eyes when you remembered that Taromaru was still here, resting at the foot of your bed and having woken up from his little nap. You couldn’t help but giggle a bit, even becoming aware of how dark it had gotten and how late it was. Or maybe it wasn’t late, but still you felt sleepy after those tears and emotionally opening up to your boyfriend.

“Taromaru has the right idea… Kat… spend the night here?” You asked him with those puppy dog eyes that annoyed Katsuki as he scoffed, but like hell he was going back to his room. He wanted to be with you.

“Duh. I’m not going anywhere…” He reminded you with a soft little smirk that made you blush warmly and grin at him. This was good, you felt so much better to be with him after you and him talked together and cried together and opened up about your fears of loving each other. And that the two of you would keep working this out together, overcome more fears together as partners.

Finally, you felt like you could sleep comfortably tonight as you were lying down in your bed, Katsuki’s arms were around you as the two of you spooned and cuddled, Taromaru still at the foot of your bed.

“I love you…” You repeated the words to him softly, the words you were still afraid of but because of Katsuki you felt brave enough to tell him that you loved him regardless of your fears. And Katsuki knew it was scary, but still, he wanted to love you, and he knew you wanted to love him too, so he wasn’t going to let a little fear stop him from telling you.

“I love you too.”