#that was 6 years ago so I'd just turned 18 a few months ago

[paralien]

2023 vs 2017

[tokkiwrites]

fIRE NECTAR : Qu’est-ce que l’incassable ?

➛ in which the allure & danger of one man makes you question all but your heart.

ʕ•̫͡•ʔ c.w : 18+ joel miller x afab reader, fem reader, no outbreak au, mob boss joel (kind of), stalking themes, mention of cheating, alcohol, violence, some angst, age gap, mentions of infatuation, p in v sex unprotected, pet names, degradation, f and m receiving, knife play, mentions of blood, mentions of being pure. (the pic doesn't represent readers body, its there just for the aesthetics. lmk if i missed anything) not proofread

─────

'Perfect is a word lost at the bottom of wine bottles perfect is a foreign word, to me. you and i both have uncountable mistakesㅡ lost wars. i want to be your good, but I dont want to be what im not. I'd surrender my arms, I'd lose all fights.. for you.'

─────

everyone says you're lucky. lucky you have what most only dream ofㅡ You've been with your boyfriend for almost 5 years now. You two met when you were only 19, and he was 20. life has been great. You're even planning on moving in together on your 5th year anniversary, buying a pet, and spending more time together. you can't express the happiness you feelㅡ or felt, better said.

it's been six months. six grueling months that have kept you up wondering if this is what you really want, who you really want. it was all so peaceful until you met him.

enter Joel Miller, the man who beat the shit out af a creep who tried to touch you when you were out with your friends at a club. that happened six months ago. six months ago and a few hours. you'd been lying if you said seeing someone bloodied up because they wanted to protect you didn't pull at your heart.

your encounter with Joel was short and sweet, unfortunately. you told the officers at the scene he was the reason you turned out safe and that you think he's a nice man for that, scrunching up their nose as they tried to make sense of what you just said: Joel Miller a nice man? maybe when alseep, all though even in he sleeps, he's probably dreaming of destroying everything in his way.

Police prefer not to entangle with him. they did it many times, but when he hit 35, doing the same shit they gave upㅡ sort of making a pact for the sake of everyone's well-being. He was a nice man. Losing loved ones and years got to him, the wrong people got to him first, and so he built his own life climbing the steps of crime.

He was a nice man.

.

.

.

You hate it when you do this. You go outside more often than you did 6 months ago to that same spot ㅡ where you first and last saw him. you don't go at night, but after you finish work every day, hoping he's searching for you like you are for him. it's like a fix, and he's the drug, only you had no time to indulge into him.

only the image of his bloodied knuckles project onto your closed eyelids as you fall asleep.

ㅡ

As the neon lights flickered against the rain-soaked streets, you found yourself standing outside the club. Your heart raced as you pushed open the heavy doors, the bass thumping through your veins. "Hey, beautiful," a smooth voice whispered in your ear. You turned to see Joel, his dark eyes smoldering with intensity. "I've been waiting for you."

"I shouldn't be here, Joel," you protested weakly, torn between loyalty to your boyfriend and the magnetic pull of this dangerous man. He chuckled, a shadowed glint in his eyes. "But you couldn't stay away, could you?" You bit your lip, feeling the weight of his gaze like chains around your heart. "I need to leave," you said, but your feet refused to move.

"Liar." Joel urged, his voice low and persuasive. "Just one drink." Against your better judgment, you found yourself nodding, allowing him to lead you deeper into the pulsating club.

You swallowed hard, the guilt of betraying your boyfriend warring with the intoxicating thrill of being with Joel. "I can't do this," you whispered, but even as the words left your lips, you knew they were a lie. Joel's lips quirked into a knowing smile. "You're not fooling anyone, sweetheart," he said, his voice sending shivers down your spine.

ㅡ

Before you could respond, the sound of your phone goes off, causing you to wake up. Your eyes shoot open, turning to see if your boyfriend is yet awake. his side is empty, only the wrinkles on the sheets remembering his presence.

As you reach for your phone, its vibrant screen illuminates the dimly lit room, casting shadows that dance across the walls. With a delicate touch, you unlock the device, revealing a text from your almost beloved:

── had to leave early, sorry for that, babe. Can't wait to see you tonight. Love you ❤️

The words, though tender, fail to dispel the lingering echoes of Joel's presence in your mind. Your brain flickers back to the dream and the moment you met Joel, its façade a beacon amidst the city's nocturnal.

The memory of Joel's voice, velvety and commanding, resonates in the recesses of your consciousness, a siren's call luring you into the depths of uncertainty. Despite your protestations, the tendrils of temptation coil around your resolve, entwining with the delicate fibers of loyalty that bind you to your partner. With each heartbeat, the dichotomy of emotions swirls within, a tempestuous maelstrom of desire and guilt, desire Joel, and guilt for the betrayal it entails.

his gaze, a smoldering ember amidst the darkness, kindles flames of longing that lick at the edges of your conscience. his eyes that cut like knives.

And yet, beneath the veneer of steadfast resolve lies a flicker of uncertainty, a gnawing doubt that whispers of the inevitability of succumbing to the intoxicating pull of his magnetism. In the depths of your soul, you grapple with the unsettling truth that the want you feel for Joel might stem from something deeperㅡ it was something carnal. It consumed you for so long.

────────

'About time you escaped, imprisoned isn't what I'd imagine you'd want your heart to be written upon.'

────────

.

.

.

Amidst the throng of pedestrians, a familiar silhouette emergedㅡ him. it felt like seeing an old friend. no, like finding an old toy that brought you joy. only that toy was stolen, which is why you had to hide it; hide it so good you had to forget about it.

With a jolt of recognition, your gaze locked with his, a fleeting moment suspended in the maelstrom of time. 'Will he recognize me?' Joel's eyes, obsidian pools that mirrored the depths of your soul, held a myriad of emotions: recognition, intrigue, and perhaps, a hint of longing. at least you hoped so. wanted so.

With a wistful smile, Joel broke the spell that bound you, his voice a melodic symphony amidst the murmur of the city. "Happy to see you're fine."

You returned his smile, a fragile facade that masked the tempest of emotions raging within. "Why wouldn'tI be?" you replied, your voice a whisper lost.

"I was honestly thinking something might have happened after that night...seeing that you almost always visit the club." he quirks his eyebrows. "nothing happened."

but it did. he ripped the heart out of you and kissed it goodbye all at once, leaving you to deal with it all whilst he carried on with his drug escapades and crime shenanigans. nevertheless, you smile, swallowing back your own thoughts as it seemed.

"I've been following you, y'know?" joel admits.

my, and what a strong grasp he has onto your heart right now.

"You'veㅡ seriously?" why did you sound happy? when joel tells someone this, their first reaction is to go wide-eyed and back out. but it is rare that he feels such a pull towards someone. someone like you. maybe you reminded him of when he was so untaintedㅡ the thought of danger strangling him to the point he couldn't help but give in. "Tell me why."

you've been caught. isn't this what you wanted?

"I- uhm...I don'tㅡ"

"Don't even bother lying. What would an angel like you want from someone-" joel steps closer. "like me." a sense of inevitability washed over you. you were reminded of the immutable truth.

The words, uttered with a conviction born of desperation. "It's you that i need." you can't believe your own courage. maybe you were just drunk on his scent.

they slip past your lips like a plea. absolution and complete submission, you surrendered. this was your god, the one you've prayed for all those nights when your boyfriend was fast asleep. it was wrong, but oh, how sweet, like honey wrong is.

you weren't scared to kick everything away for a mere second of this. just a touch of his fingertips. that's all. you found solace in that.

"Do you wanna go back to my place, sugar?"

──────────

'Love is an apple, and i am the serpent forcing it down my throat.'

──────────

rough, red, and raw. that's how his kisses were. he made no stop until he had you splayed over his bed. he was eating you with every stare, like a predator. you needed him to do something, dive into you. it was carnal.

"If you wanna stop, just say so, yeah?" joel causes you to look back up at him. nipping at your lower lip, you spread your legs further apart as to invite him further.

"I want you to hurt me, Joel." and how could he refuse you? you looked so pure and beautiful all spread under him, waiting for his command. "that so." and you whimper a pathetic 'mhm'.

"I never made you out to be this kinda girl, all though ㅡ" he retracts, reaching out into his back pocket to take out his switchblade. "I don't mind it." joel chuckles before yanking you up by your hair and pulling you to the ground. "Kneel." he commands. and you obliged, intoxicated from his presence alone. "This what you want? huh?" he asks, traching your neck with the tip of the knife as you shiver. "pathetic slut. forgot you've got a man at home?" he taunts "bet you've been dreamin' bout me stuffing you up with my cock, yeah?"

you nod, eager not to let him slip through your fingers. "Yeah.." he drags the kife down, cutting through your top, knicking your skin and exposing your breasts. the slight pain drowns you as you press your thighs together. "Look at that." he tuts, mocking as he drags the knife over the small cut to gather the blood, bringing it up to your mouth.

"lick" and lick you do, swirling your tongue around the blade, keeping eye contact as the metal aroma washed over your tastebuds. "atta girl. good little slut." joel chuckles as he proceeds to unbuckle his pants. "now imma let you suck my cock, butㅡ" after hes done freeing his shaft from his briefs he holds the knife up to the side of your neck. "if you stop I'll make sure you won't like it."

you weren't scared at all. maybe it was from all of the time you spent yearning that totally disrupted your sense of fearㅡ You wanted to make him proud and not regret what he'd done until now.

so you take his member into your mouth, slowly sucking on the tip before trying to take more. you lied if you said he wasn't huge, your jaw already hurting once you made it halfway. the knife was still digging at your skin, his eyes fixed on your every move. moving you head up and down, you felt as joels muscles tensed, his breath growing shallow as he snaked his free hand around your hair again.

"Just like that. yeah, keep doin' that.." tears well up in your eyes as your core tightness, still not dwelling on you that you're on your knees, sucking Joels dick whilst he holds you at knifepoint.

"ok, thats enough, angel-baby." he pushes you back, motioning you back onto the bed. " all fours."

"n-no.." You muster up. "What's that?" joel furrowed his brows. "Not all fours..wanna see your face." You stare up at him, and you swear you saw his gaze softened. "what the fuck are you doin' to me, girl..?" he laughs, pulling you up and placing you on the bed, the sheets enveloping you.

"been dreamin' about this, baby. look at you..." he groans, undressing your delicate skin. "you're a fuckin' dream." he trails kisses from your stomach to your knee and traces his nose back up to your lips before he crashes his onto them.

you cling onto that kiss, it awakes you from the deepest hole on earth, pulls you to the heaven, then plummets you down againㅡ you needed this.

joel breaks from the kiss, sitting like that for a second. he then traces his digits between your folds that dripped with desire. "so wet for me, angel. all f'me.."

"please, mmhg.." whining, you try to rub yourself onto his fingers, but he quickly slaps you again, this time on the side of your thigh. "don't be a greedy whore." he clicks his tongue before leaning down spreading your pussy lips as he does, blowing onto your sensitive clit. you jump and moan in frustration. "i know, baby, i know." he spreads your legs further, finally landing a soft and teasing lick between your folds. it doesn't take long for joel to go at it, sucking and licking at your cunt like theres no tomorrow, your desperate pleads to come only fueling him. "not yet, angel-baby." he gorans, picking himself up.

"please fuck me, Joel." you plead. "needy thing." and with that he lines himself up with your hole and eases in. your whole body vibrates as a sting spreads through you, and you squeeze around Joel. "fuckkㅡ so fuckin' tight." he moans before plunging straight into you. your tongue luls out, tears on the brink of your eyes as you cand only squeal out pathetic moans and incoherent blathers. "shitㅡ ! squeezing me so good, baby."

joel fucks into you harder and harder, the bed creaking whilst you let him take over you. he grabs your hips pushing himself even deeper into your cunt, groaning when you arch your back, breasts perking up. "fucking angel. my pure angel." ㅡ you can only moan and cry as you feel your orgasm approaching. desperately, you clench around his cock, sending joel into a frenzy.

"gonna come, baby?" he's stern and rough with his request. "hhhaㅡ y-yes, plea-se..." you don't know if you're crying because you feel too good or because of how long you've waited for this.

"go ahead, angel-baby." you writhe as the knots in your core begin to untie, shaking under joel whilst he fucks you through it. it doesn't take long for him to reach his limit, digging his nails through your thighs, gritting his teeth and moaning your name.

"gonna come soㅡ fukin' deep inside of you- shit!" he almost growls, and you not your head dizzy. "p-leasee...insideㅡ!" and you don't wait more than two more seconds as joel spills his warm seed inside, painting every inch of you. he leans down, leaving a tired kiss upon your forehead.

"thank you."

────────

'wandering companionless, I've finally found you.'

────────

⏜⃞♡⠀⠀🐰 hey, guyyyyssss, i honestly dont know what this is. It's kind of shitty but i wanted to try writing something more. i incorporated some verses of poems i wrote, so i hope you enjoyed it!!! love ya

[minisugakoobies]

Day 5 ❄️ JHS

Kinks: praise kink, Christmas cookies

Pairing: Hoseok x Reader

Genre: holiday, smut, Brother's Best Friend!AU

Rating: M (18+)

Warnings: swearing, kissing, just some good ol' fashioned fingerbanging in the kitchen, a bit of exhibitionism, praise kink, maybe a touch of sub/dom between reader and Hoseok, once again I am writing Stoner!Hobi with the addition of stoner himbos Joon Tae and JK, egregious use of the word 'cookies' as metaphor for reader's 🐱

Word Count: 3K

Disclaimers: NSFW, obviously I don’t own BTS - they just inspire me

Summary: Your brother’s best friend Hoseok really likes your cookies

A/N: I wrote this one in one shot, in a fugue state after watching Hobi's 2022 MAMA performance. Please picture that Hobi here. 🥴

Please don't be a silent reader 🥺 I'd love to know what you think! 💕

Day 4 ❄️ Kinkmas Masterlist ❄️ Day 6

Grey snow slushes under your boots as you slowly make your way home from the bus stop. Another double shift down. Working as a server around the holidays is miserable. Between the irate shoppers making non-stop demands and the incessant Christmas music blasting through the overhead speakers, it’s enough to turn anyone into a Scrooge. 

But it’s fine. You’ll live. Just a few more days and the holidays will be behind you. And so will all these double shifts, hopefully. You’ve been saving up so you can have enough for the first and last month’s rent on a tiny little studio apartment a few blocks from here. A fresh start to the new year, in a place of your own. Where you can enjoy some peace and quiet for once. 

A place free from the chaos that greets you as you slip your key into the lock of your current home and swing the door open. Smoke floats past you into the hallway. Scrunching up your face, you peer past the clouds to find, as always, your twin brother and his friends crowded around the living room tv, absorbed in a mission in some stupidly loud, obnoxiously violent video game, laughing and shouting and throwing elbows (and occasionally, a fist or two). 

“About time you got home,” your brother calls out as you peel off your boots and puffer coat, hanging the latter on the broken rack by the door. Namjoon said he’d replace that four months ago when he and his friends broke it during a particularly raucous game of flip cup. You know he’s waiting for you to do it. You’re always the responsible one around here. 

“I told you I was working a double,” you remind him, rolling your eyes. He never listens. 

The others gradually realize you’re standing there. It’s like watching the world’s slowest wave undulate around the room. First Jungkook spots you from beneath his bucket hat and lifts a hand. A few seconds later, a very sleepy-eyed Taehyung notices Jungkook’s hand in the air and raises his own. Then Hoseok, the only member of the crew sitting quietly, splayed across half the couch in his oversized tee and dark joggers, rakes his eyes over your tired frame and gives you the chillest of nods, head barely tipping as his lips quirk in a silent smile. 

Ignoring the fluttering in your stomach, you nod back. “Hey guys.” You’re too exhausted to even bother to ask them to keep it down. They would, politely, for about five minutes, before the chronic blowing through their veins made them forget. So why bother. 

You shuffle into your bedroom, strip off your uniform, pull on some fleecy pants and a long-sleeve tee, and slide on a pair of cushy slippers. The act of physically removing your day brings a sense of relief, helped along by the comfy clothes. You’d love to climb directly into bed, but you can’t. Not just yet. 

Your brother and Jungkook are locked in a double headlock when you emerge from your bedroom. Probably arguing about something that one of them did in the video game. It’s never anything serious with those guys, but it does get messy sometimes, and as you stroll through the room towards the kitchen, you quickly grab the lamp from the end table and place it on the ground before Jungkook’s arm can knock it over.

Money’s been tight for a while, not helped by the rise in rent, the rise in utilities, the rise in everything basically, so between that and the little nest egg that you’ve been stashing away, you’ve had to get a little creative with your Christmas gifts this year. As in, you’re creating them from scratch. You connect your phone to the little speaker in the kitchen and put on a relaxing playlist as you wander around the small space, pulling out ingredients and tools until you have everything you need to make your favorite cookies.

The music drifting from the speaker isn’t enough to drown out the noise from the living room, but it doesn’t matter. You fall into a trance, measuring and mixing, turning mere ingredients into food, into love. Everything else falls away. Nothing else matters but this. Baking brings you zen. 

Unfortunately, your activity does not go unnoticed. The scent of baking cookies fills the air, and before long, you have visitors. Invaders, more precisely. On the hunt for your goodies. 

As you pull the first tray out of the oven, a head pops in the doorway. A hat, really, pulled down so low you see nothing but pink lips adorned with a silver ring. “You makin’ cookies, Noona?” 

“Uh-huh.” 

“Is that gingerbread?” a low voice drones behind Jungkook, as Taehyung follows him into the room. “Smells so good.” Namjoon is right on his heels, mouth hanging open a little as he spies the rows of perfectly baked gingerbread people resting on the warm tray. 

“Yes, it is, but these aren’t for you, so hands off, okay?” You raise an eyebrow, looking at all three men. They nod, and you turn away to put another tray in the oven. “These are for my friends. If you’re nice, maybe I’ll whip u- HEY!” 

There are three gingerbread people missing when you turn back, and all three men are chewing while exhaling loudly, trying not to burn their mouths on the hot cookies as they devour them. As they all reach for a second, you grab a spatula and swiftly slap their hands. 

Whack whack whack!

“Mmph!” Taehyung protests, rubbing his hand. He chokes down what’s left of his cookie. “That hurt, Noona!” 

“Well, maybe listen next time and you won’t get smacked!” You brandish the spatula like a wand, pointing it at each. 

A gentle chuckle sounds from the doorway, where Hoseok is propped against the frame, laughing at his friends’ pain. “Tell ‘em,” he says, crossing his arms. “They gotta learn.” 

You bite back a grin, rolling out more dough. 

“Sorry, Noona,” Jungkook mutters. “But can’t we have a couple? ‘M so hungry.” 

“That’s because you’ve been smoking all goddamn night,” you grumble, pressing the cookie cutter in. “Namjoon, if you don’t get your friends out of my kitchen right now, I’m going to try making real gingerbread people next. Starting with you, Jungkookie.” You shoot Jungkook a look, the one that he always tells you reminds him of Namjoon, even though you’re fraternal twins and don’t look a thing alike, and he holds his hands up in defense. 

“Come on. Be happy she only used the spatula, she’s lethal with that rolling pin,” your brother informs his friends as he shepherds them out of the room. “Yo, Tae-yah, you still got that hookup with that girl at the dumpling shop?”

Hoseok remains behind, studying your work. You don’t mind. Of all your brother’s friends, he’s usually the most respectful, quietly observing the mayhem around him. You’re used to the sensation of his eyes on you. 

Sometimes it’s what you think about, late at night, lying under the sheets, hand down your panties, biting your tongue to muffle your cries. Those dark eyes, watching you. 

“These are for your friends?” Hoseok finally speaks, pushing himself off the door frame. Hands in his pockets, he strolls towards you, still watching as you prepare another batch.

“Yeah. Not a lot of money for gifts this year, so…” you shrug. The heat from the oven has turned the tiny room into a sauna. Your fleecy pants feel like a terrible choice. Wiping the sweat from your brow with the back of your hand, you look up at Hoseok, and he laughs. 

“You’ve got a bit of…” He trails off as he steps closer, and your breath catches in your chest as he raises a hand to brush across your forehead. His gentle fingertips come away with flour on them. 

“Th-thanks,” you stammer, quickly busying yourself with the dough again, cutting out enough to finish filling the tray. 

“So can I have one then?” 

“Uh…” Loud yelling from the living room tells you that your brother and the other two have started their game again. 

Hoseok leans against the counter, heart-shaped mouth set in a soft smile. “You said they’re for your friends. We’re friends, right?” 

Friends. Right. That’s what you are. “Yeah, sure.”

He beams then, a brilliant smile that flashes across his face in an instant and then disappears. Even though the cookies are identical, he takes a moment to examine the selection before picking one. 

“This one looks perfect,” he announces, and you hum distractedly, moving cooled cookies into containers. Even though you’re not looking at him, you know exactly when he bites into the cookie, because he lets out a loud moan. “Mmmmm!” 

You hum again, trying to ignore the fact that his effusive response went straight to your gut. You continue to pack the treats away, filling the tins you’ll be giving to your friends.

“Didn’t know you had this talent,” he muses, chewing thoughtfully. “Why’ve you been hiding it?” 

“I haven’t been hiding it,” you laugh, cocking an eyebrow. “I just haven’t had much time to bake lately.” 

“Yeah, I noticed you haven’t been around much,” he states, and you hope he doesn’t see the way you freeze momentarily at his words. “You’re working yourself to death. You gotta take time to relax, you know.” 

“Oh? Never heard that before, thanks for the advice,” you grin. “I just gotta get through the holidays and then I can relax.”

“In your new place, right?” He reads the surprise on your face. “Joon told us you’re moving out.” 

“Yeah, I am. I just need my own space.” 

He nods.

After sliding the last tray in the oven, you help yourself to a cookie. 

Hoseok grins. “There you go, that’s more like it. Enjoy a little treat. They’re really good.” He tilts his head. “Can I have another?” 

You have just enough cookies to fill all the tins you’d purchased, just enough batches for all of your friends. But what’s one more?

“Yeah, okay, but that’s it.” 

Again, he deliberates before choosing one. As his teeth sink in, he lets out another groan, and you clench involuntarily at the way his voice drops into a low rasp. “Fuck, these are so good!”

Is this what he sounds like all the time? Maybe it’s a good thing he’s always so quiet when he’s here. Because you’re wet enough that you can feel your underwear sticking to you as you start to clean up.

“Seriously, what do I have to do to get one of these tins?” he asks, tapping on a lid. 

You nearly bite your lip in half as you keep all your suggestions at bay. “Listen, if you really want some, I’ll just make another small batch, okay? I think I have enough ingredients left…” 

“Mmmm, you’re such a good baker! The best!” Hoseok moans around a mouthful, and you’re not sure if it’s his husky tone, or the words themselves, but something hits you like a bolt, and you swallow thickly. 

And then you whimper. 

Your eye is immediately drawn to Hoseok, like your body wants you to see his reaction even as your brain is cringing. He pauses with his hand to his mouth, little gingerbread legs in the air, and stares at you for a moment before he blinks. 

“Uh, this batch will just take a minute,” you inform him, nervously grabbing your spatula again for something to do. 

Hoseok just nods. “It’s nice of you to make some more. Thank you.” He shifts a little, comes closer so you’re between him and the counter. 

“Oh, that’s - sure. You’re welcome.” Waving your spatula to emphasize that it's nothing, you start to measure your ingredients again, hyper aware of his nearness. If you turned your head right now, you know you’d see those dark eyes watching you. It’s so tempting, but you keep pouring your flour. 

“You’re such a sweetheart, you know that?” he says, but it’s really more of a purr with all that bass rumbling through his voice, and again you feel that pulse of arousal hit you, and this time you clearly whine. 

Again, you glance directly at Hoseok as the sound fades, and can’t move as his eyes slowly wander down to your breasts and back. 

“You’re always so good to us when we’re here. Always taking care of us. Don’t think I haven’t noticed.” He moves towards you, slow and sure, his arms coming up to grip the counter on either side of you, caging you in. “Like tonight, cleaning up so we don’t break stuff. Or feeding us, even when you say you won’t. Such a sweet girl.” You’re gripping the spatula so hard, you think it might crack. If you leaned forward just the slightest bit, your nose would brush his. “Such a good girl.” 

For once, you’re thankful for the loud commotion in the living room, because it means your brother did not just hear you moan, “Fuck, Hoseok,” in the kitchen.

You’ve never seen such a wicked smile from your brother’s best friend as he gently peels the spatula from your hand. “You like it when I call you a good girl?” 

What is happening to you makes no sense. You spend all day getting called ‘good girl’ by patronizing customers and sexist assholes. And yet when Hoseok rolls those words around his pretty pink tongue, you become a whimpering, wet mess. 

Maybe it’s because he seems to mean it. Or maybe it’s because it’s him. Either way, you let out a strangled noise at his question, and his grin sharpens. 

“That’s what I thought.” His lips hover over yours. “Can I kiss you, sweet girl?” 

The only way to answer him is with your own lips, tilting your chin up to meet his mouth. The kiss is soft, lingering, like he’s taking his time studying your lips the way he’s always studying you with his gaze. Then he slides his tongue out, tapping at your bottom lip, and you let him in, let him press his body against yours, nearly gasping when his hard length pushes against your hip. 

“Hoseok, you want some dumplings? We’re getting some!” 

As if your brother’s voice were a bolt of lightning striking between you, you and Hoseok split apart. Hoseok looks at you for a moment, chest rising as he catches his breath. 

“Nah, man, I’m good. Got a sweet treat instead,” Hoseok shouts back. You roll your eyes and he smirks.

“Aw, did you get a cookie? That’s not fair!” Jungkook exclaims.

“Shut up, you had one too, dumbass!” With that, you hear the recognizable sound of your brother and Jungkook wrestling again. 

A sudden yank on the waistband of your pants draws your attention. Hoseok tugs again, and then he slips his fingers beneath. 

He doesn’t move his hand, just slides it into your pants, and stares into your eyes. You hold your breath as you hear another shout. 

“I want another cookie, Noona!” Taehyung yells. “Aren’t they good, Hoseok?” 

Hoseok crooks an eyebrow, just the slightest bit, and you nod. His fingers dip between your thighs, and when they find the wetness there, he hisses. “They’re so good, Tae-yah!” he declares, middle finger disappearing between your folds. 

Your hands grasp at his biceps as you pitch forward, moaning at the sudden intrusion. His finger is long enough to curl perfectly into your most sensitive spot, and he employs a rapid tickling motion that makes your knees buckle. 

“Hoseok, holy fuck!” 

Is this really happening? Are you really letting your brother’s best friend fingerfuck you in the kitchen? Where anyone could walk in and see him knuckle deep in your throbbing cunt? 

Yes, it is. And you know what? You deserve this little treat.

“Ah, sweet girl, I just love your cookies so much.” Hoseok licks his lips as he adds a second finger. “Can’t resist.”

Taehyung calls again. “Can I please have another?” 

“Focus on the game, hyung, damn!” Jungkook yells, but not a second later adds, “Can I have one too?”

The thrusting of Hoseok’s fingers makes it hard for you to think straight. Everything about this moment makes it difficult, honestly - the way his arms flex under your fingers, the way his cock keeps bumping against your thigh, the way his eyes haven’t left yours for a second. 

“Tell them no,” Hoseok whispers, thumb ghosting over your clit before he presses into the nub firmly enough to make your hips buck into his hand. “No more for them!” 

“N…” Hoseok pushes against your clit again and you see stars. “No, no cookies for you!” 

There’s a burst of laughter from the living room that perfectly covers the wail you let out as Hoseok fucks you with three fingers, hard and fast. 

“Good girl,” he whispers, free hand cupping the back of your neck to kiss you. “So sweet, so good for me.” And with that praise, you come with a muffled cry against his lips. When your cunt stops clenching around his fingers, he removes them, and brings them to his mouth to suck them clean.

You groan, lightly pushing on his chest. He laughs, taking a step back, and you suck in a deep breath, trying to regain your composure. “Don’t make me grab the spatula.” 

“Think you’ll do any baking in your new place?” 

Caught off guard by the question, you furrow your brows. “Probably?” 

“Good. You better text me if you do.” His gaze roams your body again, and you swear you feel an aftershock from your orgasm. “I definitely want more of your cookies.”

Masterlist ❄️ Find me on AO3 ❄️

© 2022-23 by sunshinerainbowsbts/minisugakoobies. Crossposted to AO3. Please do not copy or repost.

Taglist 1: @babycoffeefire; @parkdatjimin; @reliablemitten; @yuugehn; @ut-dixisti; @hesperantha; @seokjinger-ale; @bangtanintotheroom; ​​@taeshuworld; @nch327; @hannahbee12719ficrecs; @7minsuga96; @dvalitaes; @thatlongspringnight; @miscelunaaa; @acquiescence804; @itsirisz; @velvetskize; @starbtslove; @ajw05; @bruisedscrewedandtattooed; @minesuga; @greezenini; @aznstoner; @jkkkkkay; @xuxibelle; @soeur-de-ame; @boraborabts; @signmybook; @bbl32; @codeinebelle; @here4btsfics; @itbtoblikethatsometimes; @kookprada; @addictedtohobi; @shatzkrinslinzki; @jaiuneamesolitaiire; @joonjulyagust-d; @jinsquishes; @btsgotjams27; @allamericanuniverse; @pleaseshutupsara; @guvgguk; @goodgollyitslolly; @laylasbunbunny; @goldensugarywaffles; @jadda98; @lovelye79; @moonacholy; @luaspersona

If your URL is italicized, tumblr won’t let me tag you! 😤 Check your settings!

[maraschinomerry]

True to form I'm a day late but happy 10th anniversary to The Screaming Staircase! (And thank you Linnie for your post which reminded me this is a thing and inspired me to post my own)

Lockwood & Co as a show had been on my radar pretty much since it launched - it must have popped up on my Netflix at some point, and I already had a couple of mutuals posting about it. I saw and liked the gifsets with the spirit of "I don't even go here but this looks cool", finally in March I went "wait, why don't I watch this? There's literally no barrier beyond my own stubbornness" and thank goodness I did.

I still cannot get over how deeply I connected with the show, and the way it taps into everything I'd have loved at 13 or 18 alike and is equally enjoyable now at 25. The unabashed love shown between the Iron Trio is so refreshing and sincere, and it gives me hope for my own place within the group I've chosen as my second family. The world that Jonathan Stroud has constructed is amazing and I would love it wherever it was set, but like my other favourite shows/universe (Morseverse) being so intrinsically linked with Oxford that I can spend days there just wandering between locations I love that Lockwood & Co has a deliberate and well-established base in London. A few months ago I passed through St Pancras alone and was so ecstatic to be sharing in a little of Lucy's journey, and just last week I excitedly pointed out Sidcup on a station departure board when I was down there with my brother.

Of course, I couldn't talk about Lockwood & Co's impact without expressing my eternal gratitude to the show and the fandom for reigniting my creativity. I haven't finished it yet, but I'm further into The Screaming Staircase than I have been in a book for years. I'd been in the most intense artistic slump, having barely done anything creative in months, but then I was able to dedicate a good 10 hours to my Lockwood portrait and close to that on my unfinished George one, which in turn gave me the energy for other projects. In 2020-2022 I published just under 10,000 words of fic across 2 fandoms, plus about 2500 words earlier this year of one I'm still undecided on posting. In the 6 months since I started watching Lockwood & Co, I have written a whopping 46,610 words of published fic, with about 750 words towards some of the 12 requests I have yet to finish (side note: thank you so much to everyone who has been patient with all these unfinished requests, I know it's been months for some but I promise they'll all get finished eventually!) I cannot even begin to fathom that number - that's nearly 50,000 words, written entirely of my own accord, when by comparison my 3 years of essays for my degree probably amounted to a very forced 30,000 words. All that fic I owe to the beautifully characters created by Jonathan Stroud & brought to life by Ruby, Cameron and Ali, but I also couldn't have done it without the overwhelming support of everyone who has read, liked, commented, reblogged and requested. There aren't enough words to tell you all how grateful I am, and this post would be a mile long if I named everyone personally, but I wanted to take the time to thank some of the people who have made my experience so special.

@ettadear @givemea-dam-break @honey-with-tea @ikeasupremacy @marinalor @neewtmas @oblivious-idiot @personinthepalace @reckless-enough-serenade @tangledinlove @wellgoslowly @wordsarelife

If I've missed anyone important I'm so sorry, but I love you all and am so glad to have had this time with you! Happy 10th birthday to The Screaming Staircase and the wonderful fandom it's led to 🫶

Just reckless enough.

Love, Merry ❤️ xx

[fayes-fics]

20 Questions for Fic Writers!

I was tagged by @suspendingtime. Thanks my dear. 🫶🫶 Apologies I'm a little tipsy right now haha. 🤪

1. How many works do you have on AO3?

155. Ahem, hush you. I started writing 18 months ago. When I get a new hobby, I REALLY lean into it.

2. What’s your total AO3 word count?

481,485. Yup, almost half a million. Again, shhhh.

3. What fandoms do you write for?

Only Bridgerton. Look, I have my hyperfixations, ok?

4. What are your top 5 fics by kudos?

On AO3:

In His Lap (Short Fic) 181 

Temptation 177 

The Lesson 155 

Insatiable 149 

Are We Friends? 148

Tumblr notes:

Second Son 3,436

Sonnet #29 2,199

Rescue & Ruin 1,841

Awakening 1,827

Temptation 1,788

Wattpad readers:

Innocence, 30,600

Benedict Bridgerton Regency One Shots 23,000

Kinktober 2022 collection 16,300

Anthony Bridgerton Regency One Shots 10,400

Moments 5,800

5. Do you respond to comments? Why or why not?

Yes. Always. It's just wonderful to get feedback. I read and respond to every single comment. They mean the world to me, truly.

6. What is the fic you wrote with the angstiest ending?

Probably No Good Advice. I ended up writing Moments multi-chapter as I (and a friend) couldn't bear the idea they didn't end up together lolol.

7. What’s the fic you wrote with the happiest ending?

All of them, tbh. I can't write an unhappy ending. Maybe the mushiest is Second Son, Moments, or It Had To Be You.

8. Do you get hate on fics?

Luckily not much yet. I did get one hate anon early on. It wasn't about a specific fic, though. It said they didn't know why I had a 'please don't steal my work' disclaimer (the standard one that most writers here use) cos I was delusional that my work was worth stealing. 🤷‍♀️

9. Do you write smut? If so, what kind?

Yes, it's my trademark. It's rare when I don't write smut. 😬 I'm not sure what is meant by kind of smut. I've written it all, from vanilla romantic sex to kink threesomes with harnesses and double penetration lol. I haven't had a request yet that I've turned down due to sexual content.

10. Do you write crossovers? What’s the craziest one you’ve written?

Not yet. The closest I've gotten is It Had To Be You, which is based on When Harry Met Sally.

11. Have you ever had a fic stolen?

Yes, sadly, it has happened quite a few times now. I was so fed up with filing copyright takedown notices that I set up a Wattpad account to try to counter it.

12. Have you ever had a fic translated?

No. I've been offered but have turned it down. I have no way to check that any translation would get across the nuance I aim for. So I know that may be anglo-centric, but its how I feel for now.

13. Have you ever co-written a fic before?

Not yet, but I am always threatening to lolol.

14. What’s your all-time favourite ship?

Hmm, tough one. I do love Kanthony tbh.

15. What’s a WIP you want to finish but doubt you ever will?

Benedict as a virgin. I just urghhh.... it's been a WIP for 17 months now. I just dunno why I won't finish it; I just get the feeling I won't.

16. What are your writing strengths?

I have no bloody idea. I'd prefer readers answer that tbh lol. My inclination is to say I don't have one, except perhaps a willingness to describe sex in ridiculous levels of detail? Is that a strength?

17. What are your writing weaknesses?

World building. I will do anything to shortcut it. I'll find an economical way to describe a situation e.g. she's a widow; they're old friends. Got it? Good! Let's get down to business.

18. Thoughts on writing dialogue in another language in fic?

I've done a smidgeon of French as I studied it for ten years. But I doubt I'd do another language tbh.

19. First fandom you wrote for?

Only Bridgerton so far.

20. Favourite fic you’ve written?

Bloody hell, I have no fucking idea. It literally changes depending on my mood. But I don't really care for my own writing that much, all I see is flaws lol. I guess the universe I would most like to write more for one day is Mrs Bridgerton and its sequel. Does that count?

No Pressure Tagging: A couple of my talented writing moots were tagged along with me on this (the lovelies @colettebronte and @eleanor-bradstreet). So lets go: @thebabblingbrookenook @fiction-is-life @ferns-fics @silverhallow @mothdruid @queen-of-the-misfit-toys @urchintoast 😁🧡🧡

[fatummortem]

Hey everyone, I'm very sorry for going quiet for so long, I wasn't expecting it honestly & I'm sadly not back. Work, planning & adapting to family drama has kept me extremely busy over the last few months, unfortunately. Well to put it mildly. I am in my own apartment if I hadn't said, however the kiddo will be coming 6 months to a year ahead of schedule & arriving by the end of next month. \o/ That is the positive from everything going on.

If you want a more detailed thing about the gaslighting or bs that's been going on click the read more. If not. No harm. I do make jokes about my family trauma bullshit, to help myself deal with it. Fair warning.

So the least BS of everything is that I've currently turned into the only opener at work during the weekdays. If I'm not working I'm trying to plan things so everything is good for when Jynx, the kidddo, comes to live here. Except each time I rearrange my plan my mom finds some excuse to move the date up, while I'm getting reports my mom will not provide hair cuts, deoderant or medical attention. Well my mom said once they just gone to the docs but one times i just had to respond with 'You do realize I've been on the phone with her all morning right?'

Other than that I've felt I've been playing a chess game against a hacker, Where they transform a Pawn into a Queen in the middle of the board. Because whenever I get everything situated she just has to alter it and move up the bloody date while I keep my child's mental health up, figure out what i need to BUY and other sane things.

Then a few nights ago happened. My Mother, got into it over a day old dirty pan. Both sides from the sounds of it were way outta line arguing with each other. But once the pan was cleaned & dried, my child wanted ice cream. Because the pan was not put away, my mother in her infinite wisdom, thought it smart to reach around my child, try to wrestle it from her. So my child headbutted her and got a hit to the head for her trouble. To me the headbutt is self defense. Course i was at work, acting like an adult when this went down, got off with messages from both so I of course CALLED MY CHILD.

I ended up chatting with my kid calming her down, y'know because i'm a parent. At the same time I was helping a friend clean an area of his place, to help him with his mental health. we started at like 4:40pm and didn't finish until 10pm. So I was like "i ain't dealing with your shit.' I told her I'd try calling her after work. Because who wants that kind of conversation before work. Because y'know being calm is something I'd like to be so this doesn't blow up worse than it already is.

So I check my phone mid-day, when I'm finally able to take a break, apparently because I didn't respond and call her RIGHT THAT SECOND OR WHEN i AWOKE, my child would be put into jail if i didn't magically shit out a plan to move her (it's a thirty hour drive alright. I moved that fair away, yes i did). Course when i started getting things in order, the jail BS was put to the way side. But dear old mommy wanted an 'I'm sorry' because i didn't get her side of it from her panic attack inducing text messages while i was at work.

And I'm amazed & flabbergasted that I was informed my mom's arms are too short to reach around my child to wrestle her, that no the headbutt happened in a different time and MY CHILD TRIED TO BODY SLAM MY FATHER. See I still haven't gotten an answer on how the headbutt happened.

So once I was able to calm from my panic attack, the rage (i so raged and i so terribly hate raging), i sat here and tried to put my head around my 5 foot 86, POUNDS, XS wearing, 18 year old child trying to BODY SLAM my 5'9 broad shoulder, fuck if i know his poundage, slightly chunky 75 year old father I about died. She does have some Karate under her belt, when she WAS 14 YEARS OLD. She made it to yellow belt and got stuck there because she kept getting into it with my mom and they took the next belt from her and i was just 'DO THEY TEACH BODY SLAMMING FOR THAT?'

Needless to say I'm still working on getting things planned for Jynx to get here, EVEN THOUGH I WAS GOING TO BUY A BED TWO MONTHS FROM NOW. trying to figure out what the shit to buy & I have yet to respond to my mother's tale. mainly for the fact i'm so tempted to ask her if she appeared in the move 'Meet the Robinsons.'

[leontyne]

I lost my mother last week. You know this kind of thing happens.. it's almost guaranteed to lose your parents, unless something terrible happens and your parents lose you first. I know it could.. but nothing can prepare you for it.

My mother had 5 children. I was her 3rd and only girl. When I was younger I remember getting upset about not getting a sister. My brothers had a sister and 3 brothers. I had 4 brothers and no sister.

My mum handled it like a champ of course. She wanted more girls but 5 was her limit of tries. So her solution was to step in for anything I might need a sister for. Helping me pick clothes, doing my hair, helping with makeup, explaining puberty, answering embarrassing questions, hyping me up when I needed, befriending my friends, pushing me when I needed it, giving me the tough talks.

My mother became my best friend and I never once got embarrassed by her despite her worrying qbout that. Alot. She'd ask if I'd rather go to this movie with friends or hang out with someone else for the day instead of her. No. Of course not. I was so proud to have such a wonderful mum. She was fun, smart, hilarious, caring, brave, protective, beautiful, kind and so incredibly good. How could I ever not want to spend time with her?

Some of my friends had different relationships with their mums, ranging from the typical "That's my mum, she buys me stuff and cooks for us and helps me when I get hurt. I love her" to the "She's so annoying, why can't she just leave me alone" relationships. If I had to hang out with friends that treated their mums like c**p for no reason I'd go home and immediately crawl into my mums arm and hug her (even as an adult) and tell her about how horrid they were to their mum and how I could never do that. She always hugged me tighter at those times.

She got sick 3 years ago, and after months of blood tests and iron infusions she ended up in the ER and was admitted and kept for 18 months. Eventually she was diagnosed with Refactory Celiacs and they started trial drugs and treatment. After her bone marrow transplant and chemo she stabilized enough to come home, not because she was better but because her mental health was so low from being away from home for so long that the doctors and nurses insisted she should be allowed home.

Home helped her happiness but the pain never left, the symptoms never left, the disadvantages and restrictions never left. She persisted though. She had to go back sometimes when an infection came up or she lost too much blood or, as her last admittance, she had difficulty breathing.

Her last stay was 2 months long. She couldn't breathe easy which they'd found shadows on her lungs but biopsies showed nothing. Her right arm was no longer responsive, she'd be lucky to move her fingers. Doctors did a few lumbar punctures but only found 2 types of t-cells present. Her last operation was to get more punctures but they took too few so they were rescheduling. Her liver and kidneys were failing because of her TPN but she was dependent on that so she was told she'd be eligible for organ transplants as she didn't drink or smoke.

She also developed an infection they diagnosed as staff a week before her passing before changing that to sepsis as her oxygen got so low they had to keep uping her delivery of such (nose hoses, then mask, then hood, then eventually the throat tube). She was moved to ICU, put on every antibiotic they can physically put in her body, put her in an induced coma and hooked her up to the oxygen tube and dialysis. 6 hours later we got a call from ICU saying she had took a turn and another 6 hours of sitting by her side holding her hand, still in her coma, they had to start turning the machines off.

My world narrowed at that point, and we hyper focused on mums funeral which we had yesterday. It's been a complete blur and I'm still struggling to understand that she's not here. I reach for my phone to call her. I push share on a cute puppy video. I order her lollies and get excited to surprise her. I hear something funny and have it half typed out before I stop. I look towards her chair to smile at her. I sit in her seat in the car and plan to move when we pick her up despite that not being the meaning of the trip. I write another chapter but I can't get her to read it. I push my anxiety limits and fears and beat them but I can't tell her or see her massive grin and hear her tell me how so very proud she is and plan with her what we'll do when we're both better. I cry from my thoughts and heart. In public. In private. I cry hard, loud and I can't stop until I'm exhausted. I can't look at my ceiling because she covered it with glow in the dark stars when I was 20 while I was at work. Half my books she bought me. Half my plushies she bought me. Half my clothes she bought me. Half my room is her and memories of her. Her dogs, her cat, her photos, her seat, her trinkets, her renovations, her art, her tissues, her lollies, her hoodie, her shoes, her spare room/clean room, her blankets, her pillows, her everything is everywhere..

My mother was my biggest fan, my rock, my best friend and the bravest person I knew and I can't wrap my head around not being able to speak to her again.. she is everywhere but nowhere to be found. I catch myself talking aloud to her. I talk to her in my mind and memos and I say our catch phrases and my laugh is hers and my smile is hers and my face is hers and I'm so so.. numb.. empty.. lost.. broken. I'm 32, my mother was 53. I thought I'd have so many more years with her.. but now she won't see my wedding, or any of the boys. She wont meet any of my kids or any more added by the boys. She wont help me move or drive or write or pick me up after a break up or help me with advice for wooing a pretty girl or picking my next pair of converse or drag me to watch ANOTHER Fast and Furious movie or get to watch the 2nd season of Wednesday or go camping again.. she had so many plans.. and I don't like knowing how quickly all of that.. life.. is gone. I'm terrified and heartbroken and angry qnd I can't even go to the one person who could help me sort through it.

My mother was the biggest part of my life and now that part is gone and I have no idea what to do.. I'm eating because she'd want me to. I'm sleeping because she'd want me to. I'm going outside and talking because she'd want me to. I'm keeping in contact with the boys because she'd want me to. I'm keeping dad grounded because she'd want me to. But I don't want anything.. I don't know how to deal with that.. so instead I'm here writing a long a** post that will not be read and hoping it helps my heart feel a little less like a broken mess.

[fangeek-girl]

Fic Tag Game

Thank you @wibzenadarksiderwithasoftheart for the tag

How many works do you have on Ao3?

Works: 12 Fics: 11 One of my works is original fiction

2. What's your Ao3 word count?

242,814 (including 2 unfinished fics)

3. What fandoms do you write for?

At the moment Star Wars only, but when the mood strikes Roswell New Mexico as well.

4. What are your top 5 fics by kudos?

Fix You (Star Wars, Obianidala)

Three Makes a Family (RNM, Malex)

One Love (RNM, Malex)

Halves of a Whole (Star Wars, Skywalker Dyad part 1)

Treacherous (RNM, Malexa)

5. Do you respond to comments?

When people actually comment, yes! I always feel my responses are superfluous, but I love when people take the time to comment.

6. What's the fic you wrote with the angstiest ending?

Probably Last Kiss, considering it ends with Padmé's death...

7. What's the fic you wrote with the happiest ending?

Three Makes a Family, but it's been in edits for over a year so nobody gets to see how wholesome it ends because I haven't been able to put myself back into the RNM writing mood 😭

8. Do you get hate on fics?

I did in the RNM fandom because some people can't handle polyamory.

9. Do you write smut? What kind?

Not much. I usually default to fluffy smut. The closest I've come to actual smut in published fics is Treacherous, and it's focused on their feelings rather than the action.

10. Do you write cross-overs?

I tend to stay in one fandom at a time when writing.

11. Have you ever had a fic translated?

Nope. And I'm not sure I'd like it. I would be too worried about whether they got the tone right.

12. Have you ever cowritten a fic before?

Once, when I was in the TVD fandom, years ago. The other two cowriters just stopped participating after like 3 chapters and told me I could do whatever, then got mad at me for taking the whole thing down.

13. What WIP you would like to finish, but doubt you ever will?

Ouch. Three Makes a Family is technically written, just not edited. So it's kinda finished...? But I haven't fallen back into the RNM mood, and the shitshow that was s4 made it very hard.

14. What's your all-time favourite ship?

Ships come and go with my special interests, so ask me every few months and the answer will be different. Right now, I'm leaning toward Obikin/Anidala equally.

15. What are your writing strengths?

Writing out feelings and lyrical prose. (What is this, an interview? 😅)

16. What are your writing weaknesses?

Continuity in a long arc. My brain goes too fast and gets stuck on subplots. Halfway through a long project I usually have to rethink my idea for the ending (if I even knew where I was going in the first place) because I strayed so far from the original plot lol

On the bright side I am slowly learning to actually outline my fics 😂

17. Thoughts on writing dialogue in another language for a fic?

For real languages, it needs to be grammatically correct. I say this as a native French speaker who read way too many published novels where there's dialogue in French and it's absolutely awful.

For fandoms languages, have fun I guess! A translation in the notes or between parenthesis always helps tho.

18. First fandom you wrote for?

Either HP or Buffy, back when we posted on fanfiction.net. I read those fandoms a lot as a teen, but I can't remember if I wrote much back then.

19. Favourite fic you've ever written?

Treacherous maybe? I really love how it turned out.

20. What fic would you want to rewrite one day?

None. When I post a fic it's done in my head. If I start thinking about how it could be better, I'll never stop editing and rewriting it. And then no one would get to read it. My fics are by no means perfect, and there's always something bugging me about them when I reread them, but they represent my writing at that moment.

Tagging @bisexualalienss, @maeglinthebold, @burntblueberrywaffles, @palfriendpatine66 and @somethingsteff and anyone else who wants to do it. Feel free to ignore me 😉

[thosdickson]

KVETCH, kvetch, kvetch!

Paddling Lake Woebegone... again.

Viernes 15 de Marzo, 2024

So where to even BEGIN to catch up with myself?

Back to SF Fev 6 - 20; cut short to make sure I was back to MVD in time for my shit to hit the street here — BUT IT DIDN'T, OF COURSE — SO I spent $200 to cut the last week off my trip*, cut the SFUSD by days**, and SIT AROUND for another ten days. So what to do? I know : a BIKEWRECK 🤬 23 Fev: the new bikelane down 18 de Julio, impulse to stare to the right at Crespo looking for the "perfect storage space" that wasn't...

WHAM-BAMM!! Ass over teakettle "en media calle" ; hit that big hard black rubber traffic cone with my left shoulder. Knew I'd jacked it good, and left wrist almost sprained, just above the left knee, left ring fingertip crushed.

People ran up to help the old fool... left arm hanging loose "Oh fuck, oh fuck, oh fuck..." vision pixellated, like my eyeball was hanging out or somethin. Struggled to see and walk, locked the bike to the closest parking sign, walked home bleeding from three spots on my right hand, and from inside my left ear.

Amazed the bike was unhurt, nor were my sunglasses of Bill's, the OPs I spent hundreds on lenses for, just this left shoulder I'd so carefully trained and strengthened since the 2018 surgery to correct the massive rotocuff tear and 40 year old dislocation from the 1977 wreck of Kent C's Alfa. No problem: just let go... again... of the wish, the strength, the confidence, the feeling of some small success. Nothing matters in this BEST of "GOD's will" world. HOW do I know God's watching, maybe laughing? Because the NEXT DAY + 7, Saturday 2 Mar, my stuff arrives at the SimpleBox in Ciudad Viejo 10months and $10K down this road (to ruin). Of COURSE the gold FINALLY shot up past $2100 right after I cashed most of it in to pay off the Aduanas (or Uruvan?) suckers.

Obviously, God wanted to keep me off a bike. Last Friday, 8 Mar, BOTH the blue Retrospec I bought here a year ago, and the newish Trek I just brought from SF were both swiped from just the other side of my door while I was eating my pressure-pot dinner about 9pm.

Not a SOUND. I came out for some reason about 10pm, first noticed the stair's door open, then the clean open space along the tiled wall where the bikes had been. I ran downstairs and outside, talked to a young man working for CUTSCA the bus company standing at the bustop in front of 2033. Yes, he'd seen a man and a woman run out the heavy iron front door into 18 de Julio with my bikes "about an hour" before. The guy almost ran into an oncoming bus in his panic to get away. NO the lobby camera didn't record past 30 minutes before. Pablo, the guy living directly below, turned out to be the building manager.

"We called them to fix the camera system, but they never came." This is the picture he knocked at the door to offer later, and how I tried to make it usable with Photoshop >>>

Juan Pedro, my host's son, was kind enough to offer to let me put off the rent until month's end, but, honestly...

Aikido says: "take the hit — then redirect"... that Saturday I spent an hour with a young policewoman taking my theft report with thinly disguised contempt for another clueless old fuck, this one with such lousy Spanish her patience wore out long before her few questions got answered.

"You know something's happening, but you don't know what it is, do you, Mr. Jones?"

[immortal-teen]

I accidentally got sorta sober.

Most people I know started drinking in high school, but I didn't get drunk for the first time until I was 18 and in my freshmen year of college. And it turned out that I loved drinking. From that point on I was sneaking into bars, going to every party I was invited to, planning wine nights with my girl friends. I come from a family of drinkers, so I was also drinking at every holiday party and vacation. I eventually found myself drinking alone at home on the nights I didn't have plans.

I tried participating in "Dry January" for the first time four years ago. My family goes on a winter vacation in mid-January every year, and that's when I broke. I told my self it was okay that I broke as long as I'm conscious of my drinking habits and try to be better. I would get better, but only for a few weeks. I repeated that cycle every January until this year.

This year I completed Dry January. I think the only reason I was able to do it this time is because I'm on the opposite side of the country from everyone that used to enable me. I was about halfway through the month when I started noticing clearer skin and less bloating. I made it through cravings via La Croix in a wine glass. That month was the longest I had gone without drinking since I started nearly a decade ago. I didn't intend to stop after. I just wanted to prove to myself that I could survive a month without alcohol, but that single month completely changed me.

A few months ago, I'd have no less than a 6-pack every time I drank. Now I'll go out, have my first drink, and I'll feel pretty good, so I get a second drink. I'll get about halfway through the second drink and finishing it will feel like a chore. There's never a third drink. I no longer feel like I need to have a drink to have fun or to cope with a stressful day. I feel good physically and mentally, and I'm so proud of myself.

[claudiajcregg]

Sweet @holy-ships-x-red-lips tagged me in this but I initially missed it. Fun questions! Thank you, Danielle! I had it mostly ready yesterday, but forgot to post.

1. How many works do you have on AO3?: Currently 20! (One of them are ficlets I put all together, probably because that was a FFN thing… Which, if counted separately, means I have 25.)

3. What fandoms do you write for? These days, it's just The West Wing.

4. What are your top 5 fics by kudos?

maybe everything's just turning out how it's supposed to be (115)

say it's here where our pieces fall in place (65)

just your smile lit a sixty-watt bulb, in my house that was darkened for days (52)

all's well that ends well to end up with you (46)

we could be the way forward and I know I'll pay for it (45)

5. Do you respond to comments? Why or why not? 

Yes! Even if I'm so behind these days. I like to thank people for taking their time to both read and write a few words back. In some cases, it's also fun to reply to points they raised, whether it's by giving some insight or joking back.

(there are so many questions that I'm putting the rest under a cut!)

6. What’s the fic you wrote with the angstiest ending? 

I'm not big on angsty endings, even if I appreciate that! I guess out of the ones posted, it's don't want you to go but I'll be okay, by the nature of what it explores (Danny leaving in S2), especially compared to other, more ambiguous endings like we could be the way forward.

7. What’s the fic you wrote with the happiest ending?

Most of them have pretty happy endings! Depends on what one's definition of a happy ending is. The first that came to mind was still you never took your hand from mine (memoir), but I'd say all's well (wedding sunset), maybe everything (BBC'08), and a couple others might be in the running.

8. Do you get hate on fics? 

Been lucky not to. If I did, it was probably years ago. I mostly get ignored/don't get many comments! (I started to get a few more last year, thanks to the server.)

9. Do you write smut? If so, what kind? 

I do 🙈 Wouldn't consider it anything remarkable, and what I write is not anything too wild, either. Posting it… I might die before actually posting the actually explicit (?) stuff.

10. Do you write crossovers? What’s the craziest one you’ve written?

I do not! *insert comment about how nothing I write will top the Bones/Sleepy Hollow crossover that actually happened canonically. wtf fox.*

11. Have you ever had a fic stolen? 

Not that I know of.

12. Have you ever had a fic translated? 

Nope! I would be flattered. I could probably translate my own, now that I think about it. (I swear I'm not trying to flex here.) It just feels weird.

13. Have you ever co-written a fic before? 

Not really! But it's something I've been open to, and could be a fun idea. I might or might not have floated it to someone, a few months ago.

14. What’s your all-time favourite ship? 

Don't ask me to choose, please. Considering these are questions about writing, I do love writing CJ/Danny's dynamic and filling in the gaps canon left. But I loved writing B&B as a teen.

15. What’s a WIP you want to finish, but doubt you ever will?

What is the definition of done? Posting? I feel like mine doesn't always have that end goal. Even then, I think there are too many possibilities here. I just hope it's not the S5 Pregnancy AU. I'm so close. I'm sure there are actual answers to this, but they are probably UFOs rather than WIPs.

16. What are your writing strengths? 

People love to say it's my descriptions or how I get into a moment, but I would mostly agree on the latter. I feel that, if I were more lyrical, it'd be better. I think I can write tender, sweet stuff well, too?

17. What are your writing weaknesses? 

As I said in the previous question, I wish I was more lyrical in my writing in general. It's not something that comes naturally for me, whether it's the ESL or just the way I am. Also, smut. (I know of people who will argue with me about it but it's true.)

18. Thoughts on writing dialogue in another language for a fic?

When I first read it, I thought it meant writing in another language altogether. My fic sometimes includes a few words (super basic Spanish or Italian, usually terms of endearment) in other languages; when it comes to longer chunks… I am not sure how to feel about it!

19. First fandom you wrote for? 

Bones.

20. Favourite fic you’ve ever written? 

We've established I both hate and love my fics – I usually have fond memories but can recognize changes I'd make to them these days. Even picking five was difficult, and I'm sure I'd swap one for another. (say it's here was a hard cut.)

we could be the way forward and I know I'll pay for it

don't want you to go but I'll be okay

still you never took your hand from mine

nobody knows how to get back home

your love is a secret I'm hoping, dreaming, dying to keep

I think mostly everyone has been tagged in one of these, I think? But if you haven't, and feel like answering this questions, ✨ consider yourself tagged ✨ 💜

[bl0odkitten]

1. Would you have sex with the last person you text messaged?

my bestie, so maybe? we've made out before lol.

2. You talked to an ex today, correct?

nope. trash

3. Have you taken someones virginity?

haha yes, it was cute.

4. Is trust a big issue for you?

HUGE.

5. Did you hang out with the person you like recently?

unless you count getting off to fictional 2D men, then no.

6. What are you excited for?

taking my bachelors degree next year.

7. What happened tonight?

nothing. just a few shots of soju.

8. Do you think it’s disgusting when girls get really wasted?

depends. I think it's sad, myself included.

9. Is confidence cute?

huge turn on.

10. What is the last beverage you had?

Saffron tea. :")

11. How many people of the opposite sex do you fully trust?

maybe 2?

12. Do you own a pair of skinny jeans?

yes but I never wear them.

13. What are you gonna do Saturday night?

probably make some tea and read manga.

14. What are you going to spend money on next?

a vacation.

15. Are you going out with the last person you kissed?

nope.

16. Do you think you’ll change in the next 3 months?

change is a constant.

17. Who do you feel most comfortable talking to about anything?

honestly, no-one.

18. The last time you felt broken?

all the time.

19. Have you had sex today?

no, it's actually killing me.

20. Are you starting to realize anything?

yes, being alone and at peace is a godsend.

21. Are you in a good mood?

Well... I'm IN a mood.

22. Would you ever want to swim with sharks?

sure. I just don't want them to bite me, and if they do, bite my head off so it'll be a quick death.

23. Are your eyes the same color as your dad’s?

yup.

24. What do you want right this second?

to cuddle with Eren Jaeger.

25. What would you say if the person you love/like kissed another girl/boy?

I would watch and get off.

26. Is your current hair color your natural hair color?

yup.

27. Would you be able to date someone who doesn’t make you laugh?

Big no.

28. What was the last thing that made you laugh?

my mum's text messages.

29. Do you really, truly miss someone right now?

no.

30. Does everyone deserve a second chance?

yes. but not a third.

31. Honestly, do you hate the last boy you were talking to?

nope, it's my gay bestie. he's a beautiful person.

32. Does the person you have feelings for right now, know you do?

nope, Eren or Dazai definitely don't.

33. Are you one of those people who never drinks soda?

occasionally, if it's 0 calories.

34. Listening to?

Dark Angel by Provoker.

35. Do you ever write in pencil anymore?

can't remember the last time I held one lol.

36. Do you know where the last person you kissed is?

probably with their wife, or cheating on her.

37. Do you believe in love at first sight?

nope.

38. Who did you last call?

my goduncle.

39. Who was the last person you danced with?

Haha, a good friend at work.

40. Why did you kiss the last person you kissed?

because I was in need of physical intimacy.

41. When was the last time you ate a cupcake?

probably a month ago.

42. Did you hug/kiss one of your parents today?

Not yet, but I always do before I go to bed.

43. Ever embarrass yourself in front of a crush?

Yes. I shat in his bed one time by accident, had an upset stomach lol

44. Do you tan in the nude?

Nope. my body is disgusting.

45. If you could, would you take back your last kiss?

definitely.

46. Did you talk to someone until you fell asleep last night?

nope.

47. Who was the last person to call you?

my work bestie.

48. Do you sing in the shower?

nope. total silence.

49. Do you dance in the car?

if I'm drunk then yes.

50. Ever used a bow and arrow?

No, but I'd like to.

51. Last time you got a portrait taken by a photographer?

probably like 4 years ago.

52. Do you think musicals are cheesy?

err.... depends.

53. Is Christmas stressful?

Nope. I like the gifts.

54. Ever eat a pierogi?

what's that?

55. Favorite type of fruit pie?

probably a cinnamon apple pie.

56. Occupations you wanted to be when you were a kid?

a model, an actress. basically anything that didn't require hard work.

57. Do you believe in ghosts?

yes.

58. Ever have a Deja-vu feeling?

rarely, but yes.

59. Take a vitamin daily?

Royal jelly for the Queen bee 🐝

60. Wear slippers?

always at home.

61. Wear a bath robe?

nope.

62. What do you wear to bed?

a tshirt and panties.

63. First concert?

My chemical romance in 2009.

64. Wal-Mart, Target or Kmart?

probably Walmart if I had access to it.

65. Nike or Adidas?

Adidas.

66. Cheetos Or Fritos?

Cheetos.

67. Peanuts or Sunflower seeds?

Sunflower seeds.

68. Favorite Taylor Swift song?

Ew.

69. Ever take dance lessons?

Yes until I realised I have absolutely no talent for anything lol

70. Is there a profession you picture your future spouse doing?

probably a musician, or a writer.

71. Can you curl your tongue?

yup.

72. Ever won a spelling bee?

Always. haha

73. Have you ever cried because you were so happy?

yes.

74. What is your favorite book?

No longer human by Dazai Osamu.

75. Do you study better with or without music?

with.

76. Regularly burn incense?

I wish I had incense rn.

77. Ever been in love?

yes. shit hurts

78. Who would you like to see in concert?

The Weeknd, or The Neighbourhood.

79. What was the last concert you saw?

MCR.

80. Hot tea or cold tea?

Both.

81. Tea or coffee?

Both, at different times.

82. Favorite type of cookie?

Macadamia and white choc chips yummy

83. Can you swim well?

I'm ok.

84. Can you hold your breath without holding your nose?

Yes.

85. Are you patient?

Depends what I'm waiting for.

86. DJ or band, at a wedding?

band.

87. Ever won a contest?

Never.

88. Ever have plastic surgery?

Nope. Will probably do it if I could

89. Which are better black or green olives?

Both are amazing.

90. Opinions on sex before marriage?

Do what you want. Just be safe.

91. Best room for a fireplace?

Living room, duhh.

92. Do you want to get married?

Never. I've seen too many people cheating on each other like they're just changing their clothes. ew

[naejigo]

PLEASE REBLOG. PLEASE READ. PLEASE CONSIDER TO HELP.

I've been desperate before but phew, I sure hope you can help me through reblogging and more.

I was diagnosed with Major Depressive Disorder (apparently the worst type of depression) and Anxiety disorder alongside ADHD. I went to my local public hospital for a cheaper price. I went secretly without my parents' knowledge because of a very offensive and ableist response the first time I reached out to them about it. I was a minor then but this year I turned 18 and could authorize for myself with the hospital's authorization.

The secret sessions were getting dangerous for fear my parents might find out. And being 18 in a conservative country where Adult ADHD is a myth, the treatments I was getting was borderline neglecting my needs because of how strong the stereotype about hyperactivity is despite ADHD being predominantly inattentive. So I stopped going.

I enrolled into the cheapest pre-university program a few months ago so I am not struggling with school money. Exam fee is quite expensive but my parents are covering that.

However the real problem is obviously my mental health. Here's the thing. My ADHD is severe. I need medication and proper treatments, I've reached out to a few other government hospitals and clinics but the results have been disappointing and some treatments were ableist and very troublesome. I also decided to tell my father about my diagnosis, he was the safer option than my mom. It was bad. He spoke to me as if I'm delusional. He said no genetic of his has ever had a mental illness. Told me to forget about it, but promised not to tell my mom, who 2 years ago reacted to me reaching out to see a therapist for anxiety by telling me I'm just distant from God. It's bad.

I'm only 18, and I can't get a part-time job, because 1) I've tried but my mom didn't allow me to 2) my pre-uni is a 1 ½ duration program with 5-6 special assignment that takes up all one entire semester, I have 3 semesters and 2 of it will be fitted with those assignments 3) my father wants me to help him full time with cabinets making, the thing is I can't do it often cuz of my chronic back pain so I can't get a job cuz of that too.

So. Phew. I'm fighting everyone to go to a private hospital instead to get treatments. However, my allowance can't cover even half the payment. I receive my allowance for about 50MYR a month, supposedly, although it's very indecisively given nowadays, maybe once every 2-3 months. I avoid eating in school to save up as much money as I could. I don't generally spend much for myself, mostly for my digital arts (new tablet, pencils, case, and keypad, simultaneously for school assignments too) because I'm investing to earn money through my arts.

To conclude, I am openly accepting as many commissions as I can get for the next three months until my 1st-semester finish before focusing on the special assignments and national exams.

I need around 400$-600$ (USD) to be able to get proper treatments, at least until I can self-organize my own medicine intake. And around 100$ to pay for a separate Language Exam that I'd rather my parents don't cover for reasons. I have severe parental trauma, it's gotten worse with how my parents have been lately, I'd rather be able to afford to be half financially capable for a while.

If you are able and willingly want to commission me, do message me, I will send my Term of Services and we can discuss your order.

My pieces ranges from 15$-55$ ONLY. I am begging you to help reblog this and help me in other ways you can. 🙏

Here are my recent, improved arts for reference!

You can also tip me on Ko-fi! Thank you for helping in anyway, thank you for reblogging.

[bondsmagii]

6, 8, 15, 18?

thank you!

6: Are you afraid of death?

I wouldn't say I'm afraid of it; more like unsure. like how you know you have a long trip to go on and you're not sure what's on the other side of it, and it could be great or it could be bad or it could be nothing, and you're curious about it and you know you'll get there someday, but you're also quite happy exploring where you are currently and you're in no rush.

really I'm frustrated by death, more than anything. it's an irremovable deadline that underscores pretty much everything, and the time we have is obnoxiously little even if we're lucky enough to live a very long life, and man. I have shit to do, you know? there's no way I'm going to know everything I want to know and see everything I want to see and do everything I want to do in that time frame. it's just bullshit.

8: Would you die for those you love? Would you kill for them?

not sure about dying (see above). would definitely kill though. each dependent on circumstances, of course. I don't think I would consciously die for anyone, but certainly I'd jump in to protect or defend them on instinct, without much thought as to the immediate consequences.

killing is a little more straightforward. I am always 100% down to straight up kill the people who have caused my loved ones harm. they need but say the word.

15: How close are you to insanity? What would it take to push you over the edge?

I'm like... straight up insane. I don't even mean that in an edgy or flippant way. there is something deeply wrong with me lmao. I know what this is and why it is, but that's a bit too personal for a Tumblr ask meme. most of the time I have it under control, but there are a few things that show on the surface even with these efforts, and they probably let anyone speaking to me for more than five minutes know that I'm not alright in the head.

as for what it would take to push me over the edge into Bad Symptoms time? could be anything. sometimes it takes months and months of constant bullshit, and other times I find out the meal I have planned for that night has a component that's gone bad and I turn into a Victorian hysteric who needs locked in the attic immediately. I am mostly sane-passing, though, but that's probably because I never interact with anyone irl. absolutely fifty years ago I would have been lobotomised, or more likely (being a man) deemed "eccentric" and allowed to get up to no end of dreadful shenanigans after Father sends me on a tour of Europe so I stop embarrassing him in our small close-knit village of Roger-on-the-Bollocks or whatever.

18: What Greek God or mythological figure do you see yourself the most in?

probably no surprise considering the last response but Dionysus baby.

shakespearean asks💀🎭

[im-in-love-with-pizza-bites]

Hometown

Sebastian Stan x Fem!Reader

Warnings: small age gap (8 years, your 30 he's 38), Swearing

Summary: The reader brings her Boyfriend Sebastian to visit her family for Thanksgiving

Town name and your family's names are made up btw.

Part 2

A/n: Hi y'all Happy Thanksgiving!

You were practically bouncing off the walls in excitement when you woke up this morning. It was the day before Thanksgiving and you were bringing your Boyfriend, Sebastian Stan to visit your family with you, you had moved out of your small town where your family lives when you were 18 because you wanted to follow your dream of being a actress which you succeeded in after starting in a movie with Chris Evans two years ago. At a party Chris had invited you to he introduced you and Sebastian. Currently you were dragging Sebastian through the gate excited to see your family.. "Babe my brothers are waiting come on!" You said. He shook his head jogging to keep up with you.

"Dragoste they aren't gonna leave us here slow down!"

"You don't know that hurry up!" You said. This would be the first time in almost a year you saw your older brothers and to say your excited would be an understatement. You hadn't seen them since the Christmas. You are also excited to meet your youngest niece who was born a few months prior to thanksgiving. You made it out of the gate and looked around spotting the four men, three of them were sitting down a baby stroller sitting next to them, the fourth man stood beside them. "There they are!" You exclaimed letting go of your boyfriends hand and began running to the men. "Matty!" You tackled the man that was standing.

"Jeez!!" He exclaimed falling, the others looked at you shaking their head at you. "Hi baby sis."

"Hi!" You stood up giving hugs to the other three men as Sebastian made it over. "Sebastian these are my brothers, Matt, Jon, Mike, and Justin. Boys this is my boyfriend, Sebastian." You introduced. Your brothers stood up straight giving Sebastian a intimidating look. He would be lying if he said he wasn't worried to meet your older brothers. He was under the impression that they were stereotypical over protective brothers. He knows you are their only sister and the youngest of the five of you. Matthew being the oldest at thirty-seven, Jonathan is thirty-six, Mike is thirty-five, and Justin is thirty four, and you are thirty.

"Hello." Sebastian said shifting on his feet nervously before your brothers broke into smiles.

"Hey Man. Welcome to the family!" Matt said pulling him in a hug. You shook your head laughing as your brothers hugged him and welcomed him to the family. He is the first guy you've brought home since you moved when you were 18.

"Is this my baby niece?" You bent down in front of the stroller where a two-month-old baby sat.

"Yes she is." Justin said.

"Hi there Nora. I'm your auntie y/n." You said in a baby voice. Sebastian looked at you fondly as you made faces and cooed at the baby.

"Okay let's go get your luggage Mom and dad are waiting for us." Matthew said. You stuck your tongue at at him before standing. You grabbed your before hand before the 6 of you before walking to luggage claim. You guys made it to luggage claim grabbing your bags before heading out to Jonathan's mini-van which you teased him for.

"So how do you two meet?" Matt asked as he leaned back in the seat. You didn't tell your family much about yours and Sebastian's relationship.

"At a party Chris invited me to." You said.

"That's all not some exciting and adorable story? Wait Chris?" Justin asked.

"Chris Evans. My co-star? I told you bout him! The guy with the adorable dog!" You said looking down at your phone.

"Oh! That guy!"

"Chris was adamant in us meeting." Sebastian chuckled with you.

"Sebastian. Your an actor like her right?" Matt asked.

"Yeah." Sebastian nodded.

"You're in those marvel movies? My twins talk about them all the time." Jonathan said.

"And so does my oldest." Mike said.

"Yeah I play the Winter Soldier." Sebastian said smiling.

"Cool man I think thats my daughters favorite." Jonathan replied.

"You don't know Samantha's favorite character from movies she talks about 24-7?" Justin asked.

"I'm pretty sure it's him." Jon shrugged as he turned the car down the street leading into your hometown.

"Grayson said something about her favorite being Captain America though." Mike said.

"Ooooh! Jax's favorite is The winter soldier!" Jon said in realization as the car made it into town.

"In a whole year this place didn't even change a bit." You muttered looking out the window as the car passed by shops and houses.

"It never does." Matt said.

"Hey, are my other nieces and nephews waiting at mom and dad's house for us?" You asked your brothers. They each have kids, Matt has two Luna and Benji they are thirteen and eight, Jonathan has four Samantha, and Jaxon who are twins and fourteen, Violet and Hazel who are ten, and nine, Mike has four boys, Grayson, Jasper, Levi, and Griffin who are fourteen, twelve, ten, and four, Justin has three Leo, Oliver, and Nora, they are seven, five and Nora is just a baby. You were the only one without kids but that was because you wanted to wait till you were married to have children.

"No Griffin is but the rest went to get something from Jon's house before we left so they probably aren't back yet." Mike told you as the car pulled into the driveway of a two story house that was far from the street with a large yard that was surrounded by woods after.

"We're here!" You said excitedly as you unbuckled your car. In addition to not seeing your brothers for a year you also didn't see their wives who you were close with since they became your big sisters the second they met you. You had seen your parents when they came to a premiere for one of your movies. Jon parked the car and you climbed out going with Sebastian to the trunk to get your luggage. "See Seb told ya my brothers would love you." You said, he was nervous about coming for two reasons one was leaving his mom alone for the holiday but the three of you decided to celebrate it early, and the other one was just because of the fact the first time he'd be meeting your brothers and most of your family would be on a big holiday.

"You were right dragoste but you still have more family." He said leaning down to kiss you.

"No PDA!" Matt said before Sebastian's lips met your. You pulled away glaring at your brother before you shut the trunk of the van and began to wheel the suitcases up to the house with Sebastian right next to you looking around at the house.

"Mom! We're back!" Mike shouted as the 6 of you entered the house with the addition of Nora who was asleep in her car seat. A four-year-old boy came running at full speed toward you crashing into your legs hugging them tight.

"Griffin!" You said picking the little boy up and giving him a tight hug.

"Hi Auntie!" The boy said before looking up at the man standing beside you. "Who are you?"

"I'm Sebastian, your Aunts boyfriend." Sebastian said smiling at the boy.

"Uncle?" Griffin asked beaming with excitement.

"Sure buddy." Griffin made grabby hands toward Sebastian who gladly took him. You couldn't help but smile at how Sebastian was with your nephew.

"Hun!" Your mom came out of the kitchen pulling you into a hug immediately.

"Hi momma." You said. The two of you pulled away so you could hug your dad while your mom gave Sebastian a hug. "Hi dad."

You walked into the living room Sebastian no longer holding Griffin but Griffin was holding his hand. "Y/n!" You sister in laws said smiling at you, Justin's wife, Elizabeth was the first on to give you a hug, then Colleen, Jon`s wife gave you one followed by Autumn, Matt`s Wife.

"Mommy! This is Uncle Sebastian!" Griffin said to Kristina his mom.

"So your the man Y/n talked about. Nice to meet you I'm Kristina." She said smiling at your boyfriend.

"You too. I'm Sebastian." Your other three sisters-in-law introduced themselves before you showed Sebastian to the room you two would be staying in. "This is where you grew up?" He asked looking at the decorations you had left in the small bedroom when you moved out. "Is this you?" He picked up a photo of you freshman year of high school with braces, you were in a cheer-leading uniform on the back of Justin who was in a football jersey.

"Yeah." You said blushing.

"You were adorable." He said before smirking. "Think you'd still fit in the cheerleader outfit?" He asked suggestively.

"Sebastian!" You exclaimed pushing him playfully making the two of you laugh.

"Seriously you'd be hot in it." He said leaning down to kiss you.

"Whatever you say babe." You laughed hugging him before you heard the sound of 11 kids voices. "You get to meet my favorite people are you ready? This will break or make you." You joked.

"I think I'd rather stay up here with you alone... Wait I thought I was your favorite person!." He said pouting causing you to laugh and push him playfully again.

"Sorry but they win your higher on the list then my brothers though!." You said before three little boys ran into the room. "My boys!" You said leaning down opening your arms for the three to run into them.

"Hi Auntie y/n!" The youngest of the three boys, Oliver said.

"Auntie n/n I missed you!" The oldest of the three, Benji said.

"Auntie y/n who's he?" Leo, Olivers brother asked pulling away from the hug to look up at Sebastian.

"I'm Sebastian." Sebastian said leaning down to their height.

"He's uncle Seb!" Griffin said as he walking in his older brother, Grayson following.

"Your actually dating Sebastian Stan! I thought dad was lying!" Grayson exclaimed staring at the man, Sebastian chuckled at the excitement of your nephew.

"Hi what's your name?" Sebastian asked not directing it to one of the boys in particular though he had a guess to which was which. You told him about all of them.

"I'm Benji. Can we actually call you uncle Seb?"

"Sure." Sebastian said.

"I'm Leo! Uncle Seb how does Grayson know who you are?"

"I'm the winter solider." Sebastian said in a hushed secretive tone.

"Cool! I'm Oliver!" Sebastian stood up looking at the teenager waiting to hear his name though he know it was Grayson because of what Leo had said. You stood up holding Oliver.

"I'm Grayson.. Do I have to call you uncle?" Grayson asked. He was a fan sure him and two of his cousins loved marvel but he found calling a guy he just met uncle a little strange now it may not seem weird to his four year old brother or younger cousins but that's mainly because they are young.

"No." Sebastian said.

"Come on now Seb has to meet the others now." You said.

"Jax is going to freak." Grayson said leaving the bedroom you, Sebastian, and the younger boys following behind. "Me, him, and Samantha are massive fans." He said. You couldn't help but smile already seeing your boyfriend bond with your nephews.

"Really? Were all three of you team cap?" Sebastian asked.

"Sebastian stan!" A girls voice exclaimed from the bottom of the stares where two teens who looked alike stood staring at your boyfriend.

"Hi!" Sebastian said waving at them as you guys made your ways down the stairs.

"I'm here too!" You pouted. Jaxon was the first to break from the trance and give you a hug, then Samantha did the same as your younger nephews ran off to play.

"Your actually dating Sebastian stan?" Samantha asked you.

"No he's just a cardboard cutout." You joked.

"A really realistic one." Your boyfriend said.

"Hi! I'm Jaxon! This is my twin Samantha."

"Grayson said you guys are fans. Were you two on team cap?" Sebastian asked.

"I was on team ironman." Grayson said.

"I was team cap!" Samantha said.

"Team Ironman." Sebastian feigned hurt as he gasped.

"But I'm dating you aunt and I'm on team cap." He said.

"We're still team ironman." Grayson said.

"You my favorite." Sebastian whispered to Samantha jokingly.

"Ha!" She said to Grayson and Jaxon sticking her tongue out at them.

"She's only on team Cap because she has a crush on Chris Evans." Jaxon said. You couldn't help but laugh. You knew about this crush because your niece was so excited to know you were starring in a film with Chris.

"Jax!" Samantha exclaimed smacking him. The two of them began argue as siblings do. You and Grayson just shrugged when Sebastian looked at you guys.

"Was that my fault?" Sebastian whispered to you.

"No they fight over nonsense all the time." You assured. "Come one you still have to meet the rest of my nieces and nephews." You said leaving the teenagers to figure out their problems on their own.

"Uncle Seb! Come play with us!" Griffin ran over to you two pulling Sebastian outside where you noticed most of your family was now. Griffin pulled Sebastian to where your nieces and nephews except the oldest three were playing soccer. You sat down next to Justin who was feeding nora.

"The kids seem to love him. I've never seen Oliver this outgoing around an adult that isn't one of us." He said watching as Oliver kicked the soccer ball to Sebastian.

"Yeah." You agreed watching as Luna blocked the ball from the diy goals that were set up in the front yard. They were just arches made out of some extra wood from a project your parents did a while ago those arches have been their since you were six. There were two that we're across from each other.

"You finally found a good guy sis." Matt said as he sat down next to you. "And he's good with kids."

You watched as the three teenagers who formerly inside came out to join their cousins/siblings. "He's got the teens playing with the little kids! I can't even get Grayson to watch Griffin for a few minutes." Mike said joining the three of you.

"Why aren't you out there? Your the pro at playing soccer with them." Jonathan said walking over. You shrugged watching as Hazel kicked the ball to Sebastian it accidentally hitting him in the crotch. He let out a groan that your couldn't hear as he fell to the ground.

"Sorry!" Hazel exclaimed as you ran down to them.

"You okay babe?" You asked Sebastian.

"Yeah just need a break." He said staying in his position on the grass groaning.

"You killed him." Samantha said jokingly to her sister.

"I didn't mean too!"

"Girls he'll be fine he's just being a big baby." You joked. Sebastian glared at you finally sitting up before you tackled you smirking at you.

"Dogpile on Aunt y/n!" Samantha exclaimed before jumping onto Sebastian's back making you and your boyfriend groan. The rest of your nieces and nephews joined besides Nora for obvious reasons. Unbeknownst to you and Sebastian, Colleen took a photo.

"Okay can I be free now?" You asked.

"No!" Griffin said.

"You have to give us cookies before dinner!" Oliver said.

"Okay fine but you can't tell my brothers or your moms." You agreed. The kids got off and ran into the house ready for their cookies. Your brothers were all gonna go home with their families before dinner so this was the only chance for your nieces and nephews to get their cookies.

"So doll you said that would make or break me how did I do?" Sebastian asked holding himself above you with his hands on either side of your head.

"You did great even my brothers admitted it." You said smiling. "Now come one there are thirteen kids waiting for cookies it's going to become a riot if they don't get any." You said as Sebastian got off helping you up.

The rest of the day went great your brothers and sisters-in-law loved him, the kids adored him. It is now Thanksgiving, your brothers and their families are already here the kids, you, and Sebastian watching the parade on Tv. You leaned against Sebastian 's shoulder as your nieces and nephews excitedly pointed at the floats. Nora was sat your lap sucking on a binky as she watched her brothers and cousins go crazy over the floats.

"Doll when are we gonna have one of these?" Sebastian asked looking down at the baby.

"Not for awhile Stan." You said bouncing the baby. You actually loved being the cool aunt that didn't have any kids of her own especially when sometimes during the summer you get to bring your older nieces and nephews back to New York with you for the summer which they always love. It's really only when you don't have any filming going on.

"But come on I think Nora wants a new cousin." He smirked at you.

"I think she should beg her other aunts and uncles for one then." You said.

"Please I want a cousin close to my age!" He lifted the baby up the his face her facing you as he did a baby voice.

"Not happening." You laughed taking you niece back. "Keep dreamin babe. But you gotta put a ring on my finger before you put a baby in me." You looked but at your nieces and nephews who were laughing and playing around.

"Will you marry me." He whisper pulling a ring pop out of a candy bowl your parents had in the living room for the kids. You couldn't help but laugh.

"Sorry but I like my jewelry not to be edible." You joked trying to take the ring.

"No! You don't get the ring you said no!" He pouted.

"Hey love birds! Stop flirting while you have my daughter on your laps!" Justin said walking over and taking the baby from you. "I'm sorry baby that must have been scary."

"Okay okay Justin." You laughed. "We won't flirt anymore.

"Speak for yourself. I can't resist it." Sebastian said pulling you closer to him making you laugh.

"Whatever Y/n Mom wants you in the kitchen."

You stood giving you boyfriend a smile before walking into the kitchen. "Yes mom?" You asked.

"Can you and Sebastian go down to the basement to kid the kids table and chairs?" She asked not looking up at you from the turkey.

"Okay." You turned around going to the living. "Seb come help me get the kids table and chairs." You said peaking into the living. You saw your sister in laws and brothers now there talking to your boyfriend.

"Coming doll." Sebastian stood up walking over to you before following you to the basement door.

"Into the dungeon." You said opening it to reveal some rickety looking stairs.

"Gonna lock me down here? My fans will notice I'm gone though." Sebastian laughed following you.

"Maybe I will." You laughed going over to a fold up table. "Here's the table let's get it up stairs." You said lifting a end of it. He grabbed the other end and the two of you brought it up the stairs. You set it in the dining room before going back to the basement to grab the chairs. After you finished grabbing everything, Levi and Jasper stole Sebastian to go play outside with while you set the table up. You sighed finishing setting up the table before going out the back door to see all of your nieces and nephews crowding around your boyfriend, him holding two of them, Jasper was on his back while he held Griffin on his hip. You couldn't help but smile before taking a photo of them for Instagram you captioned it happy thanks giving then posted it tagging Sebastian, your brothers, and your sister in laws in it. Your oldest three niece and nephews have Instagrams but you never tag them in your posts deciding to keep them away from the unwarranted fame that comes from being a actress' niece and nephews. Your boyfriend looked at you smiling as Jasper jumped off his back and Leo tried to take his cousin's spot.

"When will we have one of those! You need a mini you running around the apartment." Sebastian whisper to you as you guys went back into the dining room where your family had been waiting.

"Okay love birds cut it out!" Jon said rolling his eyes as you sat down. You stuck your tongue out at him. (Add saying grace if your family does. Mine doesn't so I don't know how to do that)

The dinner was filled with laughter as everyone began talking about what had happened in the year you hadn't seen each other. You and Sebastian went into better detail on how you met. You met him two years ago a month after filming the movie you were in with Chris E. Your sister in laws asked about the movies he had been two of them knowing a lot about the Marvel movies he had been in because of their kids. Your mom shared as many embarrassing stories as she could. "When she was 4 she was the bossiest kid, she'd make the boys make be in mini movies with her, we still have some of those I'll find them." She said.

"Mom! No!" You whined laughing.

"I'm sure you were just as good of an actress back then as you are now." Sebastian said smiling at you. You shook your head.

"No the videos are so embarrassing." You mumbled.

"Yeah for all of us! You used to make us put your tiny ass pink dresses on." Matt said. They could never say no to you. So wearing a pink dress 7 sizes too small was something they did for you. You didn't fit into those dresses again until you was 13 because they stretched them out.

"You didn't have to say yes!" You laughed.

"None of us could say no to you! You would pull the puppy dog eyes then we'd be in dresses!" Justin said. Sebastian laughed knowing exactly what Justin meant. He could resist your puppy dog eyes either.

"Or our Halloween candy! You took all my snickers!" Mike said pouting.

"Your still mad at me for that! I did the dishes for a month to make it up to you!" You said laughing.

"Get over it babe." Kristina said. She knew all about this whole thing as she was friends with your brother most of your guys childhoods.

"You're supposed to be on my side!" Mike whined.

"She likes me more!" You teased sticking your tongue out at him. Sebastian watched fondly as you and your family joked and brought up old stories. He smiled every time you got embarrassed over a story your brothers and their wives decided to bring up. You looked over at him a smile so big that looked it hurt.

"Sebastian do you have any new roles? I already know y/n has a project coming up." Autumn asked you before taking a sip of her wine.

"Filming for Falcon and the winter soldier started a few months ago actually." Sebastian said beginning to talk about his role to which there was plenty input shouted from the kid's table from Grayson and the twins.

After dinner everyone watched a movie once it was over your brothers and their families went home then you and Sebastian retreated to your bedroom. "You told me you only use your puppy dog eyes on me." Sebastian said pouting at you.

"No I just implied that I never made it a fact." You smirked at him hugging him. "You know maybe we should have a baby. The world need another Stan." You thought aloud. Though you probably only thought that due to the fact you got baby fever everytime you were around your brothers kids.

"Really?" Sebastian looked down at you beaming with delight.

"Sure why not?" You said closing your eyes as you rested you head on his chest.

"Maybe we should start trying." He smirked as your eyes popped open and glared at him.

"No! My family is still here." You said. "We'll start trying for a baby when we get home." You muttered.

"But why not a headstart." He pushed a little harder jokingly, he, in reality, didn't mind waiting but he liked how you looked when you got annoyed he found it cute.

"Because my parents are down stairs!"

"They won't hear." He teased smiling at you as you scrunched you eyebrows up glaring at him. "Chill baby I'm joking." You sighed laying you head on his chest once again.

"You better be." You mumbled yawning.

"Come on baby let's get you ready for bed." He kissed your forehead smiling at you. He was immensely happy with you agreeing to start a family.

You woke up the next morning remembering your talk with Sebastian and you couldn't help but smile. Especially when you began thinking about what your family's reactions were gonna be. You knew your brothers would be excited for another niece or nephew, you parents would be a little iffy as you want to start before marriage, the kids would love having another cousin, and your sisters in law have been saving their kids clothing for you since each of their youngests except Elizabeth's grew out of them. You rolled over to look at Sebastian but found that he wasn't there. You furrowed your brows before climbing out of bed to make your way downstairs to find him, but first you got dressed. As you were making your way to the stairs you could hear talking from downstairs. You made it to the kitchen where Colleen was smiling ear to ear at you with Sebastian sitting next to her with a guilty look on his face, your parents weren't in the room but you could hear them talking in the living room.

"Your trying for a baby!!! Your gonna be a mom!" Colleen squealed jumping up and down giving you a hug.

"How did you find that out?"

"I let it slip on accident." Sebastian gave you an apologetic smile.

"Colleen you can't tell anyone!" You said.

"Fine but when you find the gender out! I have some adorable clothes from each of my kids you can have!"

"Thank you." You chuckled before going to sit down by Sebastian. "Good job."

"I didn't mean to."

"It's fine babe." You said giving him a kiss.

"You guys are so in love you two better make me a bridesmaid at the wedding." Colleen said before leaving to kitchen.

By the time the week ended your family grew attached to Sebastian. Your oldest three niece and nephews were definitely the most attached enjoying to ask him questions about the marvel movies and their favorite actors from the franchise Sebastian was a little butt hurt he wasn't any of theirs favorites. Your younger nieces and nephews loved him, the girls all managed to get him dressed up as a princess with a tutu and all. You obviously posted a photo of him and your nieces all dressed up. Your older brothers were definitely grateful that he was the guy you brought home knowing you have had plenty of failed relationships in the twelve years since you left town. Your sister-in-laws were more then happy to welcome into the family even before you brought him and their opinions on him didn't change.

[spicymayo1983]

Hiya. This is part 3 of my breeding kink/existential crisis themed story. You are pregnant with Poe Dameron's child. But instead of the mood being celebratory things have taken a dark turn. While you were being intimate Poe told you that he loved you but unfortunately you just couldn't say the same in return.

Poe is a hopeless romantic at heart and you've hurt him, badly.

Will you be able to patch things up with him? Or is he truly gone forever? Have you lost your best friend and the father of your child for good?

Warnings, angst, some language, not for anyone under 18.

Seed Part 3

Your independent streak will be your own undoing. Your mother's words play like a bitter record in your head as you are shocked at what has come out of your own mouth.

You've hurt Poe badly, actually you've crushed him.

"I can't believe what you're saying". Poe replies, fighting back tears. "Our baby, what about our baby?"

"I thought you knew that I wanted a donor only." You reply calmly. "I didn't mean to hurt you, I just thought you knew".

"I didn't sign up to be your girlfriend or wife". You continue, your voice remaining calm. "If you want to co-parent with me you're more than welcome, but ideally I'd like to return to my home planet."

"IF I'd like to co-parent?! IF?!" Poe says incredulously as he quickly pulls his clothing back on. "I can't believe what you're saying, I wish you could listen to yourself right now".

"I can't believe the woman carrying my child is saying these things to me". He continues, rage and hurt burning in his eyes. "It's unbelievable that I was friends with someone like you for so long, what did I see in you?! I feel used".

You've never seen this side of him before. You suppose this was the first time you've ever broken his heart.

"Poe Dameron is the father? Wow, lucky woman".

It's been a week since your last encounter with Poe. Contact with him has been sparse and awkward.

You are having a conversation with one of your best friends, a mechanic named Lin, who is impressed that Poe fathered your child.

"That baby is going to be so beautiful, and smart." Lin continues, the excitement in her voice impossible for her to hide. "If I weren't a lesbian I would have hit that years ago".

"Poe told me that he loved me". You explain with a deep sigh, tears streaming down your cheeks. "And I told him that I missed being his friend."

"What's wrong with you? Seriously." The tone in your friends voice changing over to anger. "Poe gave you the ultimate gift and you said that to him?"

"I wasn't thinking." You explain with a deep sigh. "I thought he knew what our arrangement meant, I feel terrible that I hurt him."

"I suppose you hate me now too." You finish, shrugging your shoulders.

"No, I could never hate you." Lin says with a slight smile as she hugs you. "I just think maybe you should give him a chance, or at the very least allow him in to be a part of your child's life."

Your pregnancy progresses along smoothly with no major complications. Your relationship with Poe is still fractured badly and you are now nearly 6 months along.

One night you are tossing and turning in bed, unable to sleep, when you hear a familiar knock at your door.

You open it, and it's Poe, with a haunted look in his eyes he embraces you gently, both of you are crying, unable to contain your emotions much longer.

"I'm so sorry, I never meant to hurt you". You tell him, savoring the intimacy of his embrace.

"How are you feeling? Are you sick a lot? Is the baby okay?" Poe immediately asks, a smile creeping across his face. "Do you know the gender yet?"

"We're having a little girl, and I feel fine, I had some morning sickness but that went away." You explain, relieved that he's back in your life. "My feet are a little swollen, my breasts hurt but otherwise I'm okay".

"I can't believe we're having a little girl". Poe says, tears streaming down his face. "I've always wanted a daughter".

The two of you retreat to your bedroom, you change into more comfortable clothing and the two of you get into bed together. Poe rests his head on your belly to listen to the baby and maybe feel her kicks.

"It's your daddy, Poe". He says, gently talking to your belly as he rubs it. "You're not even here yet but I already love you".

"I'm still returning home". You explain softly, running your fingers through his hair. "But I won't until she's older, I think she needs her father close for the first few years".

"I respect your decision". Poe replies with a bittersweet smile as you continue to run your fingers through his silky, unruly curls.

Maybe it's your raging hormones but Poe isn't merely handsome but beautiful. You never thought a man could be so attractive as Poe Dameron was at that moment in time.

He leans in for a passionate kiss and your eyes meet, with tears streaming down your face you confess,

"I love you".

"I love you too". Poe replies softly. "I always have and always will".

"But I still want to return home". You tell him, crying softly.

"I know baby, I know". Poe replies, tears welling in his beautiful, dark eyes. "But please, let's just enjoy the time we will have together, as a family".

You give birth a few months later to a gorgeous baby girl named Shara, after Poe's late mother. He was there by your side during the entire 18 hour labor.

He took care of her while you slept for the first few nights.

Her first word was daddy. Poe taught her to walk, potty trained her.

Fatherhood brought out such a tender, loving side to his personality.

She is very much her father's daughter, with his dark eyes and curly hair. Poe insists that she looks just like his mother.

He is a wonderful, fully involved parent. When you want time to yourself Poe's there to take care of his daughter.

Time passes quickly, you are now the parents to an active, intelligent toddler with wild curly hair and plenty of questions for everyone.

Poe immediately takes his little girl into the cockpit of the X wing, convinced that she'll be learning to fly before she's 10.

The sight of him with his giggling daughter on his lap in the cockpit of the X wing melted your heart. The genuine joy in Poe's eyes was beautiful.

He loved that little girl more than anything else in the galaxy.

His hair is now a delicious salt and pepper color, parenthood and the slow, steady march of time has aged both of you a little.

You have a difficult decision to make. Your resignation letter has been written and is ready to turn in.

But you cannot do it. You see Poe with his daughter and you can't take her away from him, her daddy.

They are too close. It would crush him if his daughter wasn't part of his life full time. Shara was his little princess.

"She's so beautiful". Poe tells you with a soft smile on his face. "I love her so much (your name), look at her hair, her eyes, her smile, she's just a female version of me".

"Poe, I can't do it, I can't leave". You confess to him late one night.

Shara is sick with a fever and Poe is holding her, singing and trying to rock her to sleep.

"Dada my head feels hot". Shara whimpers.

"I know sweetheart". Poe coos, kissing her gently on the forehead. "Daddy's here, do you want your ewok?"

Her favorite toy was a plush ewok that uncle Finn gave to her soon after she was born.

"I think we should live together too, maybe even get married". You continue, taking him off guard a little.

Poe tucks his little girl into her bed and kisses her on the forehead.

Without another word exchanged Poe gets down on one knee, removes the chain around his neck holding his mother's wedding ring, removes it and slips it on your finger.

And it fits, perfectly.

The end